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genshin-squabbles-and-wobbles · 1 year

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The Forgotten Maiden || Part 1

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Character: Zhongli

Type: Angst, and tragedy Content: You are the God of Light, you were once Zhongli’s beloved lover as he promised his full heart to you before his departure to the archon war, however, once he returned, he was injured and lost his memory of you. You figured out that he fought the god of memories and the impact of this fight affected his memories of you.

[ Please don’t repost, this is my original story. ]

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You were standing alone on Starsnatched Clift, reminiscing events of the past. When you realized he hasn’t remembered you, you tried everything in your power to help him remember. Pictures, monuments, structures, even silly contracts that you and him made together as jokes. Nothing. Helplessness is all you felt now. You lost your home, your lover and your self in one day, without protest. The moment you saw he was happy in Liyue, seeing his friends, eating at restaurants, was the moment you decided, maybe it is for the best. He as another life now, and you don’t have the right to intrude on that anymore. He is happy and that is all you want. Ever since then, it’s been about 1000 years since you’ve seen him. You avoided him. Him? No. You avoided heartbreak. You now wander Teyvat alone, helping Travelers, and using your powers in little ways. Bringing light onto struggling trees and plant, helping the sun shine brighter, Lighting up dark places, and helping in other small ways. I guess you can say you were a traveler yourself. Your light can help any flower grow despite the circumstances. You were living a isolated and quiet life until you met Lumine and Paimon. You accompanied them in bounties, commission, and helped them collect certain plants. However, Lumine requested your help with something that makes you nervous. “So, what do you say?” Lumine says with sparkling eyes. “U-Um, I am not sure, I haven’t been in Liyue for a while, and for a reason at that.” You responded, nervously. “What reason would that be? Paimon is curious.” Paimon pushed on the subject a little farther. “Haha, that is a secret.” You smiled, saving yourself from your history being exposed. “Why do I need to go to Liyue to grow glaze lilies? I can just grow them here and harvest them for you, friend.” Lumine continues to explain. “Well...I am helping Mr.Zhongli, He wants to collect these things. I tried to sing to them but not much luck. So was hoping you could have better luck.” You signed and looked towards the side. You thought about it a bit. Do you really wanna see Morax right now? However, it has been a 1000 years, you feel like you have given up and you won’t react to these situation the way you used to. Maybe, you can handle it... You were so wrong, you can’t handle it. Just as you arrived in Liyue harbor through Guili Plains, you felt so much emotions. Liyue was a place that hurts being in. However, you kept yourself together, for Lumine, a friend. You two continued to traveled through Liyue, looking at stores and restaurants. Liyue really has prosper, throughout the years. You made some mental notes on revisiting some areas for yourself later. You were enjoying the view, until-

“Mr. Zhongli, I found someone who can help with the Glaze Lilies!” Lumine said happily and looked at you.

You froze, his outfit was different but he still had the same face. However you sense him as a human now, rather then a god. You wanted to hide, and disappear. You hated this, you hated Liyue, you hated him. You sucked it up and gave it your best smile, despite the heavy heart of a face you used to kiss. A face you desire more affection and touch from. Seeing his hands, that hands that used to touch you, hold you, your face -- you desperately tried to hold back you desire to touch him familiarly. You really were touch starved.

“Ah, you must be the proclaimed “Light Maiden” I have been hearing so much about, your adventures have seem to help people all around and about.” The tall brown gentlemen with formal attire greeted you through rumors heard. He had his arms crossed, and closed his eyes thinking about all the information he has heard about you. This happens to be enough to perk his interest in you and the powers you have. This made you feel knotted in your stomach, you wanted to avoid him in all cost. You want, no interest at all. You smiled and tilt your head a bit.”L-Light Maiden?”

“Yes, have you not been aware of your reputation?” He said with his hand to his chin, forever pondering your being. You did a light hearted laugh. “Haha, no, not at all. I just offer assistance to whoever needs it.”

Zhongli nodded.”Virtue is one of the best languages to be spoken, it brings only greatness to those who have it and those you gives it.” Lumine smiled and redirected the conversation. “ Let’s head to the glaze lily field, we shouldn’t hold up on this any longer.” “I agree, lets.” Zhongli agreed and began to lead the way. You followed quietly but tiredly due to this meeting. Or well “Reunion”. They lead you to a dead field, with only glass, but no glaze lilies. “Here?” You asked and looked around. “ There are no Glaze lilies here.” You placed your hand on the ground. “Yes, unfortunately, it’s rare to find them in the wild, humans grow them artificially, however, it’s been years since I’ve seen one grow outside of Liyue like this.” He explained, retaining his experience with the blue flower. Lumine chimed in. “As you guys do that, Paimon and I will go get the Bell from Madam Ping!” She smiled and turned away, leaving you two alone. You signed at this condition and circumstance you are in. You want to leave and want this to get over with. Despite it being night time, you looked around, seeing for spots to grow a batch of Glaze Lilies. You worked quietly trying to ignore Zhongli. You placed your hands together and a bright sunlike hue glowed from it, it grew brighter like it was a mini sun. You held it over the dead dirt area as Glaze lilies started to grow to a full adult at a fast pace. Zhongli all of a sudden spoken out curiosity and awe. “ You truly do have these powers.”

You scoffed, “Did you think I was lying?” You said gently and continued your work. Zhongli, “No, not at all, my apologies if I came off that way. I merely was just speaking my thoughts. These Glazed Lilies looks like the finest I have ever seen.” You chose not to respond and kept on working. Zhongli continued to speak. “ This reminds me of the God of Light, it has been said that she was a kind god. However, she fell into depression once she lost her lover had lost memory of her and she went into hiding.” You froze as the light you were using went out in a second. “I see.” You checked the flowers and kept the back of your head to him. You tighten your fist. 2000 years of grief have been building up in you. “It is still unknown who her lover i-”

“What do you know?” You instant cut him off and spoken to him harshly. Zhongli stood and looked at you. “It seems I might’ve upset you with this topic.” You turned your head to give him the coldest side glare you have ever given him. “You know nothing Morax and you will still continue to know nothing.” Zhongli unfazed, standing still. “Seemingly you knowing my true name can signify that we have some history together, Though I can’t tell who yo-” “NO ONE! I was never anyone to you! You forgotten me 2,000 years ago, the one day in the centuries I come to see you, you start spouting nonsense about me to my face.” Despite it being 1000 years since you saw him, he forgotten you 2000 years ago, at the end of the archon war. You tried to help him remember you for 1000 years, but once it was no use, you left. Thus, not seeing him for the second half.

Zhongli widen his eyes in surprised at your sudden outburst and claim to being the god of light, even more, him being the lover that forgotten her. You started to tear up, you were so angry, and spiteful. All these years and this is what you got? Of course, you knew better, he didn’t remember you, but that only makes it worse. It got even worse that he stood there unfazed with an unchanging expression, as if he is trying to assess the situation. Frustration. Years of Frustration quells upon your throat. All he could give was his silence. You weren’t expecting him to magically get his memory back but deep inside, you hoped for some flicker of recognition of you in his eyes. You took a deep breathe and turned away. You lost your cool, and now very heated. You immediately walked away and disappeared, you’ve had enough, leaving half grown glazed lilies along with a seemingly uncaring man.

#genshin angst #genshin drabbles #genshin impact x reader #genshin headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact story #genshin zhongli #genshin morax #zhongli x reader #zhongli #morax x you #morax x y/n #morax x reader #zhongli x you #zhongli x y/n

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f1letters · 1 year

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snow on the beach | ls18

"you wanting me tonight feels impossible, but it's coming down"

summary: nothing would ever compare to the feeling of simultaneously falling in love with each other

warning: overall fluff, rom-com energy that WILL cure any heartbreak really, friends to lovers, mentions of alcohol, swearing, just a story about the exact moment when two people realize they fell in love with each other, not proofread (because my laptop is acting up and i'm done for today lol)

pairing: lance stroll x reader

word count: 3.2k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past.

hey everyone! honestly I've been feeling a bit down lately so this Wednesday I indulged my (not so) secret (now) crush on lance stroll and decided to treat myself (and all the lance lovers ofc) to some well-deserved lance content, haha! and for the ones who don't like him... just give it a try anyways and trust the process haha! enjoy! 💜

masterlist

One night, a few moons ago

I saw flecks of what could've been lights

But it might just have been you

Passing by unbeknownst to me

Do you know the feeling of your soul inexplicably catching fire? Of losing control of your thoughts all at once? Of your body being filled with enthusiasm at the sight of someone?

Y/N was very familiar with the thrill that hovered every time their eyes met across the room, as lately, it seemed to happen every time the young woman shared the same space with him.

It didn't matter how much she tried to deny it, or how much she looked for other justifications that would explain the butterflies she felt in her stomach.

One thing was for sure: even in a room full of the most important people in her life, she still found herself continuously looking for his big, beautiful, brown eyes.

It was almost like he was the light in every room she entered.

The driver's lips curved gently, giving her a small lopsided smile as he returned his attention to her brother, bringing his glass back to his lips.

The girl's attention dropped from his eyes to his soft lips, studying the sensual way his mouth moved as he drank the rest of his whiskey.

I wonder how his lips would feel on m- Stop, what are you even thinking?! Y/N shook her head, letting out a quiet growl, as she stopped whatever fantasy her mind was trying to create before it was possible.

We're just friends. She thought, trying to convince herself that this was just a moment of weakness. Maybe not even that.

Okay, sure, Y/N and Lance seemed to get along beautifully, the two naturally gravitating towards each other every time they got together. But in reality, Y/N couldn't help thinking that he was just being nice, keeping his future brother-in-law's little sister company.

Glancing at the boy beside the Canadian, she saw Scotty who, as if reading the thoughts in his sister's head, turned towards her and gave her a small wave, followed by a hand gesture to invite her to join them.

Y/N laughed nervously, shaking her head, and decided to walk to the large dining room table to get some more appetizers on her plate.

Nothing like good food to entertain a confused girl.

Life is emotionally abusive

And time can't stop me quite like you did

And my flight was awful, thanks for asking

I'm unglued, thanks to you

Her eyes admired the decorations throughout the house, adorned in detail, without missing a single corner. It was clear that the eldest James sibling and his fiancée had set no limits on their housewarming party.

Their new home was simply magnificent. Its rustic stone walls perfectly complemented its wooden beams and columns, maintaining the house's original charm yet giving it a modern touch.

The living room led to a majestic timbered window where Y/N seemed to spend eternities admiring the view from the top of the snow-covered mountain.

This really is Scotty's dream, endless snow, she smiled unconsciously.

"Uh-oh, she's smiling." She heard the Australian beside her, her smile growing exponentially as he leaned his back against the wall next to the window. "This can only mean danger."

"Shut up, you idiot." The girl shoved his arm playfully, shaking her head in annoyance. "FYI, I was having a proud sister moment, but I'm glad you stopped me. I definitely needed someone to wake me up from my temporary madness episode."

"Aww, baby sis, you're sooo cute." Scotty pinched her cheek, just like he always did since they were little, in order to annoy her. He knew how much she hated when he did that, so it didn't come as a surprise when she slapped his hand away from her face. "Hey! This is a no-violence zone. Just because you're an adult now doesn't mean I won't tell Mum and Dad."

Y/N rolled her eyes at the image of the smirk on her brother's face. "Just leave me alone, Scott. Go piss off Chloe or something."

The girl turned back towards the food, picking up a small pastry for herself, while the boy put his arm around his sister's shoulders.

He sighed dramatically, although she could still hear the smile on his face. "And here I was thinking you were going to say that I should 'go piss off Lance'... But I'm sure you would rather have that task for yourself, right sis?"

Almost choking on the delicacy she was eating, the girl started to cough, drawing way too much unnecessary attention to her.

Scotty was informing everyone that she was fine, enjoying her reaction to his words too much, as her eyes rose from the table.

And she couldn't help but curse her bad luck when she found Lance at the other end of the room, right in front of her, wearing a concerned look on his face, as she almost choked to death.

At that moment, she realized not even time stopped her quite like he did.

But mostly, she realized she was completely and utterly fucked.

And it's like snow at the beach

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me

Tonight feels impossible

But it's comin' down

No sound, it's all around

Scotty was patting her on the back, trying to help her, but he was interrupted by the sudden movement of the girl turning towards him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She was nervously fixing her hair, her voice still struggling to come out.

Her older brother couldn't contain his laughter, letting his hand rest on the girl's shoulder. "Oh, my sweet, sweet Y/N... Everyone knows you're head over heels for our boy Lance! No need to deny it, especially to your big bro."

"WHAT?!" She yelled, drawing all eyes in the room back to her. She chuckled lightly turning to the crowd. Before anyone could say anything, she grabbed Scotty's wrist and pulled him into the kitchen. "What?!" She scream-whispered now.

"You heard me." Scotty said, crossing his arms confidently in front of her chest. "You have a big fat crush on Lance and you know it, I know it, everyone knows it!"

"Only someone blind wouldn't be capable of seeing it!" He continued to tease her, having too much fun making her uncomfortable. "In fact, even a blind man could tell by the way you sigh all lovey-dovey every time he walks by you."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No, I don't!"

"Yes. You. Do." Scotty emphasized word for word, making the girl give up, even though she would never admit defeat. The man took advantage of her silence to provoke her even more. "Y/N and Lance, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-"

"Scott, stop! Are you a fucking child?" Y/N approached him, covering his mouth with her hand. "I hate you, I swear. Stop this nonsense!"

"Don't worry, baby sis, he likes you too. I'm sure of it." The snowboarder said, giving his sister a kiss on her temple and a final pat on the shoulder, and leaving her alone in the kitchen with her own thoughts.

Lance? Wanting me? That feels impossible. She thought to herself, feeling slightly disappointed.

But she never let those feelings hang in the air too long, immediately contradicting them.

It doesn't matter. I do not like him.

We're just friends.

Like snow on the beach

Like snow, ah

Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Lance swept through the crowd anxiously in search of the girl that he couldn't seem to get out of his head ever since he laid eyes on her that afternoon.

Though he himself also denied his growing feelings for the young woman, Lance couldn't help but notice how his palms were sweating, or how his heart was beating faster.

He just couldn't help but feel worried when she disappeared in that state, leaving him wondering how she was.

Waking him up from his ceaseless search, a familiar hand landed on his shoulder, making him turn and find his sister with a sly smile on her face.

"Thank God you chose Formula 1 as a career because you would make a terrible actor."

"What on earth-"

"Get that lost puppy look off your face, Y/N's fine!" Chloe laughed, shaking her head. "Who knew? Two Strolls and two Jameses..."

"I'm not- I was just-" The driver found himself stuttering, unable to form a coherent sentence. "Jesus, Chloe, we're just friends! Friends care about each other. Don't start with this shit again."

"Mm-hmm, sure, friends." Chloe pretended to accept the repetitive excuse that came out of her brother's mouth every time. "I love it when you lie straight to my face just because you don't have the courage to admit that you have the hots for my favourite sister-in-law."

"I don't have the hots for-"

"Hey, watch it, pretty boy!" A voice appeared from behind him as the mysterious person quickly hugged the Canadian by his shoulders, causing his older sister to laugh uncontrollably. "It's my baby sister we're talking about here! Control your emotions, Romeo!"

"I- She- I don't-" Lance found himself in an even more awkward position again, suddenly turning into a deer in the headlights as he was caught off guard.

"Ahhh, kids." Scotty sighed, moving to his fiancée's side, leaning his head against hers without taking his eyes off the boy in front of him. "So young, so in love, and most of all... so stupid."

Lance threw his hands in the air in frustration, turning his back on the couple as he headed to the porch where he would be able to finally get rid of the two of them.

This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen

I searched "aurora borealis green"

I've never seen someone lit from within

Blurring out my periphery

Lance carefully opened the elegant glass doors, being immediately hit by the intense cold that settled at the top of the mountain as usual.

He silently thanked himself for remembering to put on his army green padded coat and his grey beanie on his head. He would never have been able to survive those freezing temperatures without them, even if his Canadian blood helped him a bit.

Another factor that quickly contributed to his body heating up was the girl sitting by herself on the wooden stairs.

As soon as his brown eyes landed on Y/N, the driver could have sworn his heart started pumping faster.

Just a coincidence, he thought, this is all Chloe's fault for putting these ideas in my head.

Gathering the little courage he had left to face these new feelings that were beginning to stir within him, Lance silently walked over to her and sat down on her left side, making the girl jump in fright.

"Oh my God, Lance!" She brought one of her black-gloved hands to her chest in shock, as the other one removed the AirPods from her ears. "You were about to give me a heart attack! Please don't scare a girl like that without warning."

"Sorry, sorry! It won't happen again!" He put his hand on top of her shoulder, laughing at her reaction.

He took a few moments of silence to watch as her eyes sparkled with excitement as she took in her surroundings.

"God, it's really beautiful up here, don't you agree?" She said, almost in a whisper.

Lance kept his gaze focused on her, not even thinking about taking his eyes off her beauty.

"Just like a movie scene."

My smile is like I won a contest

And to hide that would be so dishonest

And it's fine to fake it 'til you make it

'Til you do, 'til it's true

Unaware that he was subconsciously referring to her and not the dazzling snow that surrounded them, Y/N spoke in agreement. "It is, isn't it? I feel like I'm trapped in a Christmas movie or something." She laughed, eventually letting out a happy sigh. "They're going to love living here. I'm so happy for Scotty and Chloe, you know? They deserve this."

"Yeah, me too. They deserve more than anyone else to live their dream." Lance saw the girl shiver from the corner of his eye as she hug her own body closer. The driver moved closer to her and let his hands run up and down her arms to try to warm her up. "Are you cold? Do you want to go back in?"

"No, no! I'm fine! Just a little chilly, that's all, but thanks."

"Here." The boy removed the hat from his head, pulling it over her hair. The girl blushed at the affectionate gesture, not being able to hide the smile that was stamped on her face as if she had just won a contest. "That will make you stay warmer."

Now it's like snow at the beach

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me

Tonight feels impossible

But it's comin' down

No sound, it's all around

"Thanks, Lance. You didn't have to do that." The girl smoothed her hair shyly, pulling it behind her ear.

As it always seemed to happen, their eyes met, and couldn't let go. They were like magnets, drawn to each other. They just couldn't stand being apart from each other.

With no sound around them other than the muffled voices from inside the house, they both felt their stomachs drop as they both realized it simultaneously.

Fuck me, I'm completely in love with him, Y/N thought.

Fuck me, I'm madly in love with her, Lance thought.

Suddenly, all seemed to be coming down. The two felt consumed all around by the connection between them and they both knew they could no longer escape their undeniable attraction.

"I think I've had enough socializing for today," Lance said, charged with adrenaline. "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Lead the way, Stroll."

Like snow on the beach

Like snow, ah

The wind blew in through the open windows of the driver's Aston Martin as the two made their escape without anyone back at the party noticing.

The girl's hair was blowing in the breeze and, even though he knew he should keep his eyes on the road, Lance couldn't help but appreciate the moment and the fascinating smile she wore on her face as she sang to the song that echoed through the car.

God, she's just... absolutely gorgeous, he thought to himself.

A small smile appeared on his face, mirroring hers, as he imagined how much his older sister was going to piss him off for being right this whole time about the boy's crush on Scotty's sister.

Hopefully, the headache would pay off and he would have a chance to get the girl.

I can't speak, afraid to jinx it

I don't even dare to wish it

But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Now I'm all for you like Janet

Can this be a real thing? Can it?

"We're here." The boy said, parking the car in an empty lot with no one in sight.

"The beach! I love this place, how did you know?" Y/N jumped with joy, getting out of the car and letting her arms wrap around his shoulders without thinking too much about what she was doing. "Oh, sorry! I don't know what-"

She was about to pull away when Lance, driven by the realization of his most intimate emotions, pulled her closer to him by the waist. The girl's eyes widened as his face approached hers. "Just took a guess."

Oh but it wasn't a guess.

In all the years they'd known each other, Lance had found himself noticing every detail about Y/N.

The way her eyes sparkled when she talked about the happiest days of her life being at the beach.

How she bit her bottom lip every time someone asked her about her unstable career as an artist.

How she tugged the skins on her thumb impatiently whenever she didn't have her hands busy with some task.

Lance didn't know if he could speak, if he shouldn't wish for a chance with her.

He was scared, no, he was completely terrified of the idea that he might lose her.

Could they one day become a real thing?

Fuck it, he thought. It was now or never.

The driver went all-in and risked everything, moving closer to the girl as his eyes dropped to her plump lips.

He felt a gasp come out of her mouth, such was the way she was taken aback by his sudden move on her, but Lance didn't flinch and persisted on his way to her, until he felt her lips brush against his.

The two leaned towards each other, ready to be eternally consumed by their burning passion...

Until they felt a snowflake fall between their barely joined lips.

Are we falling like snow at the beach?

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me

Tonight feels impossible

But it's comin' down

No sound, it's all around

Y/N turned away from him as her eyes watched as the snow fell from the sky, painting the sand on the beach white.

"Is that-" Y/N couldn't believe her eyes.

"Snow? On the beach?" Lance replied, equally confused. "This is so-"

"Weird." "Fucking beautiful." The two spoke simultaneously, bursting into laughter at the difference in their reactions.

Like snow on the beach (Snow on the beach)

Like snow on the beach (Flying in a dream)

Like snow on the beach (You wanting me)

Like snow, ah

But it's comin' down

No sound, it's all around

Lance's hand came up to the face of the girl in front of him, stroking her jaw with his thumb as he pressed his lips to hers not wanting to risk the moment being interrupted again.

His mouth pressed over her slightly pursed lips, starting with a gentle kiss and building in intensity as they both lost themselves in the moment for what felt like forever.

"I don't know how to put this into words but... Y/N, you are the most amazing, beautiful, fascinating girl I've ever met. Since I laid eyes on you, I've been head over heels for you. I've tried to deny it- Well, more because Chloe kept bugging me about my crush on you." The driver began to ramble on with the nervousness that came with his feeble attempt at a declaration of love. "Anyway, focus Lance! Y/N, you- You are everything. I-"

"Lance." The girl laughed, placing her hands on either side of his face and placing a quick kiss on his mouth. "I love you too."

"Yeah, those are the exact words I meant to say." He laughed, reuniting their lips once again, as they both got lost in their own little wonderland.

Like snow on the beach

(It's comin' down, it's comin' down)

taglist: @dan3avocado @starxqt @roseinnej @spiidergirlsworld @ccloaned @hotpigeon22 @dr3lover @lovelytsunoda @primadonnasdream @luxebeautystyle @wallfloweriism @ilivefortheleague @gwynethhberdara @satellitelh @adavenus @audreyscodes @wifeoflucyboynton @th6ccnsp6cyy @classifiedsblog @flyingmushroomss @motylekrozi @claramllera @gabrielamaex @handsupforamiracle @pierre-gasssllyy @lorenaloveslewis

@idkiwantchocolatee @simpforsunwoo @kissatelier @xweirdxsceletton @micksmidnights @miniminescapist @inchidentwithmax @hopelesslyromantics-world @alwaysclassyeagle @indieclarke @capela-miranda @okokoksblog @pulpfixion @sins-only33 @sainzclerc @allisonxf1 @honethatty12

@amsofftrack @scuderiamh @junkiespromise @loudoperahumanoidpanda @honeyric3 @holy-macncheese-balls @ricciardosheart @pierreverstapkin @ravenqueen27 @majkaftorek @home-of-disaster @buendiabebeta @itgirlofnowhere @roses-of-eden @thewintersunset @rubychocolatechips

(taglist continues in the comments)

thank you to everyone that asked to be tagged! please let me know if you want to be added to the next stories! 💌

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theminecraftbee · 2 years

Note

Hey bee! I’m sure you’ve gotten this ask before, sorry, but I am leaving the dream fandom due to being very uncomfy supporting him re:the recent situation. I’m planning on focusing on the other side of Minecraft YouTube for now and was wondering if you had blog recs for third/last life and hermitcraft?

hey! welcome to the hermitcraft fandom! we're a cool place to hang out i think personally. uh, be warned that i'm often bad at recs because i have the memory of a squirrel, so if there isn't someone on here that isn't because we aren't friends/aren't cool mutuals/i don't like them, it's because i am naming the first people i think of, which is not always people in a sensible order. also i tried to stick to hermitcraft guys more than traffic or empires guys here because i did not realize you said third/last/double life when i first read this ask WHOOPS.

also i saw the other list i was tagged in by @griancraft, i am EXTREMELY flattered, that list is here, and i have tried not to put any names that are repeats from there. i am vouching in general for a lot of the people on there though.

ALSO also before we get into the names: GO FIND YOUR OWN FRIENDS! one of the ways i do this personally is that i just... browse through the hermitcraft tag occasionally and stick a bunch of stuff in my queue and if i see a person crop up a lot i follow them because clearly i like what they're doing! sometimes also when i was a smaller blog if someone showed up in my notes a lot i'd also show up! uh, just in general, find other 'smaller' guys too! i have, as i said, tried to stick to people i thought you weren't already going to be following, but let it be known that i have no sense of scale anymore so i don't know who is considered "big" or not on here the scale may be WILDLY out of proportion. FIND YOUR OWN PEOPLE it's very fun to find people yes yes.

@dmwrites and/or @simplydm (her main) does very cool writing. i am a big fan of all of her ficlets. if you are following me for the writing let me direct you that way to ALSO get a lot of good ficlets.

speaking of other cool writers in the fandom. @mawofthemagnetar writes eldritch horror keralis and a bunch of other fics that are cool. also one of the people on my dash who is an xb understander, you know?

@fluffy-papaya and @betweenlands wrote dog at the door and a bunch of other stuff i like (plus fluffy's art is very cute). also i know solar and solar is cool... albeit. mostly not a hermitcraft blog at this point. but still. deserves to go here, be wary they will get you into a minecrafter you've never heard of. i still need to watch secret rivals. soon,

also on the cool writer list is @sixteenth-days, who writes hermit archives and also a bunch of other cool things!

@redwinterroses is someone i originally followed from more of the traffic side of the fandom but i recommend following her, she's pretty chill.

someone who i like a lot as both an artist AND a writer is @silverskye13. still need to catch up with monsters splitting hairs, love the artstyle, all their hels takes are good.

another cool artist and writer is @kiwinatorwaffles, lots of good xisuma, evil x, zedaph stuff over here from what i've seen.

@quaranmine runs the absolutely necessary @mcyt-cats blog. has the watcher grian takes i tend to actually trust, haha. she's pretty cool as far as general hc/mcyt blogs go.

@luigra does REALLY cute art i love the colors she uses and her style it always makes me feel soft and happy. also, of course, a fellow joe hills enthusiast. always important, us joeguys stick together like this.

speaking of fellow joeguys. @12u3ie probably knows more about joe than me. has been around here longer. fellow joeguys represent.

one last joeguy. hi @concorp. e does cool art and has a lot of good general hermitcraft stuff going on. also, as mentioned: fellow joeguy. also they do @badlydrawnhermitcraft and have been a guest on joe's show before!

@shadeswift99 feels like a pillar of the community to me. they run the @hermitcraftheadcanons blog, if you haven't been there before. they also do writing good and tend to know a lot of people who have been around a while. cool person.

i like @closet-thing's art a lot. tends to be somewhat horror-focused if that isn't your thing but if you, like me, DO like horror stuff, then you're in for a treat.

i am also a big fan of @jestroer's art. it has a very... i don't know the word for it but the style is very distinct and i like it. fluffy? if that's a bad word for it. i am sorry. i don't know how to describe art. anyway recommend.

@bdoubleowo is a good general mcyt blog! she does very nice art as well. the sexy fish animatic is scott smajor approved, you know.

uhhhh last one for now @girltimeswithscar has such good character designs. i am in love with how they draw skizzleman. also their mumbo. also their bdubs. also just their takes about bdubs in general. bdubs takes good.

as i said before... if a name isn't on this list it's because i don't have object permanence if you are not in front of me RIGHT NOW i do not remember you are there. i have MANY OTHER COOL MUTUALS AND BLOGS I'M FOLLOWING AND BUDDIES AND STUFF, and THERE ARE MANY BLOGS THAT ARE COOL. THAT I DO NOT FOLLOW YET. this fandom is full of so many cool and creative people! go! seek them out!

#answered #guessimherenow #discourse #<- barely. mentions the dream thing discusses no details #(for the record. please do not send me asks about it or bring it up. we are not talking about that here because it makes me feel like shit)#however my desire to talk cool people up has totally beaten the fact that i Do Not Want To Talk About Dream #so here's me talking some very cool people up! :D tried to go with people i thought you might have not already been directed to

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timecma · 1 year

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i'm curious - when and why did xanthous become your favorite character?

for me it was chapter 8 of atom lol

Oh boy, alright this is where I really start to show my age haha. The Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell came out when I was in middle school. One of my friends recommended it to me and I decided to read it because escapism was my only way to cope (😭). Well, when I got to the chapter where it showed the Fairy Council, I immediately was hooked on Xanthous. Solely for the fact that he was the only guy there. It kind of stood out to me because I was also the only guy in a friend group full of girls. Obviously it was because I was gay but that was back when I was still in denial and didn’t understand myself fully.

Well, I hyperfixated on this guy since it just reflected my own kind of situation. Literally like 2012-2013. Back then. Boy howdy, you wouldn’t even believe how I felt when I realized this guy was gay too. Anyway, as the books kept coming out, I kept requesting them from the library, and boom. Xanthous kept showing up. In book 2 he was there. In book 3 he was there. In 4 too for a bit, and then 5 rolled around and we got Conner’s off-brand, straight-coded, adrenaline junkie version (Blaze), and he came back for a bit in book 6. It was crazy. He had been my favorite character since The Wishing Spell. I thought he was going to die in book 6, but he made it out. When I tell you my heart was beating out of my chest you better believe it.

But, then. Then. A Tale of Magic came out. I was in college by then, going through the motions while having thought The Land of Stories was done until the sequel. When I tell you the amount of excitement I got when I saw my favorite character was getting an origin story sent me through the roof, I mean it. By then, Xanthous was a household name. My sister also loves the series and we had collaborated on a piece for the Book Hugger’s Guide—and it got in! (I tell this to everyone since they all get confused, but the name on it is hers because she’s older than me and if you were of a certain age when submitting it then you didn’t have to get parental permission, so she submitted it and you could only get one name on it so here we are. But you might recognize a bit of the anime/manga style that I’ve now expanded upon and improved. That was a reeeeeally long time ago anyway haha. I also did one for the A Tale of Sorcery Zoom Webinar and got it in there too, and I asked my sister if she wanted to help on it a bit, but all she really did was add some sparkles to what I had already done. Nonetheless, she still contributed a bit like she had the first time around. She doesn’t do much with the series anymore these days—but she and I were always kind of a team when it came to art back then.)

Also when I say that Xanthous is a household name, I mean that literally. Anyone who knows me irl knows Xanthous—especially because he now physically exists in my life. When I tell you this man has been the Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime password star I mean it. Literally. It’s always his name prefaced or followed by some random string of numbers and symbols. It’ll always have Xanthous in there somewhere. My whole entire family knows about this guy—that’s how much of my favorite character he is.

When I realized Xanthous was gay and basically had a version of the childhood I did…my world was flipped upside-down. Suddenly I knew wayyy too much about this man. Suddenly his experiences were my own and I felt kind of weird about it, not going to lie. I think it’s cool though how Chris Colfer actually came out and said he was gay and gave him a boyfriend (we also love Elrik in this house). A part of me always kind of…knew? That he was gay?? Like I could sense it with my gaydar through the books and their pages. You can smell it on this guy. You won’t believe how funny it was when I saw he had that crisis in the antique store scene in A Tale of Sorcery. Ah, that brought back memories for me personally. Except I wasn’t in an antique store, I was sitting down with friends at a get together and someone clocked me as gay and I panicked.

Anyway, Xanthous has been my favorite character for many, many, many years. I’ve got old art of him too, but I’m definitely not going to show it because it’s also art I made back when I was in the closet and trying to not let anyone realize I was a boy who liked to kiss boys lol. It’s a bit embarrassing haha.

But yeah! Xanthous’s character has always been a source of…comfort for me. I think he’s super neat and his character has such a wide arc of growth it’s insane. He’s also more complex than the others—not adhering to a specific style of character between the prequel and the main series. He feels more real. More human. More like how I do kind of haha. At first I liked him because I liked the idea that he was kind of like me.

And then he REALLY became kind of like me.

And the rest is history 😁

#the land of stories #a tale of magic #ask me anything #tlos #xanthous #xanthous hayfield #anon ask #anon answered

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lovemichixo · 2 years

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Web Girls

I've always been fascinated by girls on the internet. There's something about the vulnerability of a girl in her room that feels uncomfortably familiar to me. Something about that privacy, something within that intimate space, that curates an authenticity that's rare to find in the interwebs. Before "The Influencer" there were bloggers. I would like to take the space to honor them here. :)

Tavi Gevinson- Style Rookie.

This may be the Tavi most know and love and know (The youngster style icon turned Gossip Girl actress extraordinaire)

But this is the Tavi I am talking about:

Style Rookie was like a spiritual awakening for me in fashion format. When I first saw Tavi I was truly awestruck and frozen in inspiration panic. There was this little create going around runway to runway, rubbing elbows with fashion LEGENDS.. devouring fashion at a pace only a fellow fashion beast could recognize. This wasn't just a hobby, this was PASSION in physical form. Her posts on styler rookie, later turning into Rookie Mag- an online magazine- were a cultural shift for every fashion lover and style pusher in the same facility. What a delight it was to grow up watching this icon's origin story develop.

Molly Soda- Digital Artist

If Enya Umanzor had a troubled big sister who left the day after graduation because of mommy issues and the curiosity to find unlocked potential, it would be Molly Soda.

If "She's so real for that" or "She's just like me fr" was a person- it would be Molly Soda. She had a pet rat named Sarah Michelle Gellar (SMG for short) and she turned "beauty" on it's head with what modern scholars would call "Shit posting" herself spitting, puking, picking at her armpit hairs, all while singing so effeminately you couldn't help but be in awe of the juxtaposition of what society says is "appropriate" for a woman to be considered pretty versus what she was showing us: A woman in all her flaws and glory and still beautiful.

Check out her YouTube- Molly Soda is still creating art and content. Landlocked Mermaid- Ex- Tumblr Blogger This is a personal appreciation post here. This blogger deactivated years "before it was cool" (jk) but she really did- and became an obscure memory in the tumblr world. She RULED the indie girl Tumblr scene and went viral for kissing Conor Oberst from Bright Eyes at a concert once. Her family also owned the amusement park BIG was filmed at. I thought she was the coolest. Her and her friend Moonbrains (who I believe is still active on Tumblr) invented "sea punk" which was a mix of her handle name "landlocked mermaid" mixed with the punk movement popularized by the Tumblr grunge trend. (Anyone still own their lime crime "grunge palette"?) aka the Venus 1 haha. It's almost impossible to find pictures of them on the internet so here there are here. Immortalized in ones and zeroes.

Before vivid color existed we had to create and mix our own hair dye. This mix is superb.

There it is folks. Some of the big inspirations for some of my handles. The online ladies who helped shape an entire generation with colorful hair, cool clothes, and music tastes that broke da mout. Forever in my heart and now forever on the inter webs. To my Web Girls... Love, Michi xo

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silvfyre-writings · 9 months

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Snapshots Pt. 6 (BSD Fanfic)

The plot bunnies have hit me hard, because not only am I nearly finished the next chapter of paperboy au, but I smashed out this chapter in just a few hours which, honestly, is impressive considering I slept most of today haha.

I'd also like to point out that no matter how much a tried, this chapter refused to be written in past tense, so um, enjoy the present tense I guess?

Anyways, enjoy the chapter!!!

Everyone had scars.

It didn’t matter whether they were minor scars from childhood mishaps, or major ones from near death experiences, everyone had scars, and every scar had a story to tell. The stories that they held weren’t always obvious; time and trauma often led to those stories being lost, and while it was sad to no longer know the truth behind the scars, sometimes it was simply for the best that they be forgotten. Because there were times where the stories were just too painful to remember, and it was safer to just forget about them in the first place.

Like Poe had.

Poe had acquired many scars over his twenty-eight years of living, and there were only a few that he actually remembered the origin of. There were the scars on his knees, brought into existence when he’d ridden a bike for the first time and fallen down an embankment, ripping his knees to shreds. It hadn’t just been his knees that he’d torn apart that day, but they’d been the only part of him to scar, so that was what he remembered. There was also the scar beneath his eye that he’d gotten after running headfirst into the dining table as a child, nearly blinding himself on top of the concussion he’d given himself. And then there was the scar on his elbow, where he’d had to have surgery after a fall had broken it.

Those were the scars that Poe looked back on fondly, for they were the ones with the kind of stories that you could tell other people around a cup of coffee or share after a few drinks with friends.

But there were scars on Poe’s body that whenever someone asked him about them, he couldn’t give an answer, because he just didn’t know the stories behind them. He had a vague idea of what had caused them, but no distinct memory of how they had happened in the first place. There were two burn scars on his shoulder, in a shape that could only belong to cigarette’s, and he knew what had caused them, but he couldn’t remember how. There was a series of small scars located just below his ribs that could only have come from being stabbed, but again, he had no memory of ever being stabbed in the first place. And then there was the one scar that Poe did remember, the one scar that would send him into a panic if someone so much as acknowledged it; a scar that was both on his stomach and his back, where he’d once been impaled by a fire poker after his adoptive father had had too much to drink.

It was such a small scar, yet held a memory so powerful that Poe wished it’d been one he could forget—that wasn’t to say he hadn’t tried, because he had. But apparently, out of all the scars that Poe had, that was one he was destined to remember forever. And it was because of that scar, and the story behind it that he couldn’t forget, that he became interested in the stories behind other people’s scars; he never asked people outright how they obtained them, because that was rude and Poe already had a hard enough time talking to people as is.

Over the years, Poe heard many stories, and saw many scars, yet it wasn’t until he met Ranpo again that his interest piqued.

When he’d first met Ranpo, back when he was twenty-two, his rival had been loud and exuberant, but most of all, he’d been soft, and not in the way most people would think. No, Ranpo was soft in that his skin was unmarked, free of the stories that a person’s skin told—or at least, so Poe had thought. It’d been at the end of their competition, when Poe had been filled with despair over losing and on his knees that he’d seen it; Ranpo’s shirt, a size too big, had allowed Poe to see a scar, a story that told him Ranpo wasn’t as soft as he appeared.

But Poe had been filled with too much despair and fury for his curiosity to surface, so that knowledge was forced to the back of the mind where, six years later, he’d long forgotten about it.

Poe’s reminded of that day when he and Ranpo are in bed, lazily trading kisses with each other, and his fingers trail over a piece of raised skin on Ranpo’s abdomen. Poe pauses for just a moment before he presses another kiss to Ranpo’s lips, and runs his thumb over the scar he’d just felt. Ranpo shivers underneath his touch, eyes flicking open, and Poe moves to kiss his partner’s cheek, murmuring against his skin. “You have a scar here.”

Ranpo blinks, and Poe brushes the raised skin again, which brings realization to Ranpo’s eyes, and the detective leans up to capture Poe’s lips with his own again. “I have a lot of scars, Poe-kun.”

“You do?” Poe questions, and Ranpo nods, a wary look on his face now, a stark difference to the look of bliss that he’d had earlier. “How come I’ve never seen these ones?”

Ranpo groans and sinks into the bed, throwing his arms over his face to hide, which does nothing but allow Poe to see more of the scars he didn’t know Ranpo had. Poe knew that from Ranpo’s reaction to his question, that Ranpo didn’t want to talk, but he was pretty sure that that was just because the other just wanted to return to their kissing session. Over the time they’d been involved with each other, Poe had learnt to differentiate between when Ranpo genuinely didn’t want to talk about something, and when he didn’t want to talk about something because of the mood they were in. And in this case, it was the later, but no matter.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Poe shifts lower so that he can graze his lips over the scar with a gentle, but featherlight touch. “But I’d love to hear the stories behind your scars.”

“Ever the storyteller, even when making out with me.” Ranpo chuckles, lowering his arms, one coming to pat at Poe’s hair. “That one’s from when I had my appendix removed. Before my parents died.”

Poe hums and trails his lips up towards Ranpo’s chest, ignoring the way Ranpo shivers from the touch, to the next scar; a straight line down the middle of the detective’s chest that was still fairly pink. “And this one?”

Ranpo threads his hand into Poe’s hair. “Heart surgery. I got shot last year, and the bullet got stuck, so Yosano couldn’t use her ability without actually killing me.”

“Yosano is a talented doctor, even without her ability.” Poe says, rising onto his elbows and gazing down at Ranpo’s face. He takes a moment to study his partner’s face, looking for any signs of discomfort, and when he finds none, he dips his head to kiss the tip of Ranpo’s nose. “Heart surgery is dangerous, so I’m glad it was successful.”

“As if a bullet is enough to bring me down.” Ranpo grins at him, eyes opening just enough for Poe to fall into their green depths. Ranpo uses that brief moment of distraction to his advantage, pulling Poe closer for a deeper kiss that he is quick to reciprocate.

Poe lets the kiss go on longer than any of their other ones, pulling away with a smile on his face as he continues on his journey in mapping out Ranpo’s scar. He find the next one on Ranpo’s shoulder, close to his neck, and this is one he doesn’t kiss, but he bring a hand up to run his fingers over. Unlike the other scars Poe had touched, this scar is indented rather than raised, and he can tell from the way that Ranpo freezes beneath him that he’s about to step into unfamiliar territory. “What about this one?”

Ranpo is silent for a long time, so long that Poe is just about to apologize and move on when he speaks. “I can’t tell you the whole story… but that one’s from my time on the streets.”

“I understand.” And Poe did understand, because some scars were just too painful to talk about. He kisses the skin next to the scar. “If you do ever want to tell me…”

“I know.” Ranpo relaxes and his hand falls from Poe’s hair to rest in between his shoulder blades. “You’ll be there to listen.”

Poe moves on quickly after that, but the next scars he winds up at—a series of scars actually—that fall under the same category as the one on Ranpo’s shoulder. The only difference between these ones and the previous one, is that these are scars that Poe was already aware of the existence of, and that was only because there’d been recent additions after the war between the Guild and the Agency. Poe intertwines his hand with Ranpo’s, drawing his arm close; it gives Ranpo plenty of time to refuse him, but the detective just stares at him with open eyes. There’s a little bit of tension forming with Ranpo’s body, which gives Poe the courage he needs to kiss the scars on Ranpo’s arm. He gives light kisses to the lines that are faded, and firmer kisses to the ones that are still pink and fresh.

“You know the story behind those already.” Ranpo says before Poe can even ask the question. There’s a pained look now that has Poe squeezing Ranpo’s hand. He does indeed know the story behind those scars, remembers the tears that followed as Ranpo told him, so he doesn’t ask, he just kisses each individual scar once more before he moves on.

The next scar he finds is on Ranpo’s upper arm, a thin line from being grazed by a stray bullet. After that, he moves to Ranpo’s other arm where the only scars are the ones on his elbow and wrist; an accident not long after he’d been taken in by Fukuzawa where he’d fallen down some stairs and broken his arm bad enough to need surgery. Poe can’t help but smile as he runs his fingers over those scars, and Ranpo pouts at him. “What, aren’t those ones worthy of kisses?”

“Of course they are.” Poe’s smile grows wider and he kisses the raised skin beneath his fingers. “I was simply marvelling over how we have similar scars.”

Ranpo’s hand slides down to feel Poe’s own scar, and his mouth drops open a little. “How did you break your arm?”

“I fell out of a tree when I was seven.” Poe explains. “But I only broke my elbow when I fell, unlike you.”

Ranpo scoffs as his fingers continue to dance across Poe’s skin. “Fukuzawa says I have bones of glass because he’s never seen someone break bones as much as I do.”

“Oh? Just how many bones have you broken then?” Poe says, intrigued now, and he plans his chin on Ranpo’s chest so that he can listen to the other.

“Well, aside from my arm, I have broken…” Ranpo trails off as he thinks. It takes him a couple of minutes before he continues. “Two fingers, an ankle, three ribs, a leg… oh! I also broke my other wrist twice.”

I think we need to start injecting you with calcium. Poe stares, both amazed and mildly horrified at just how many bones Ranpo has broken throughout the course of his life. He makes a mental vow to wrap his partner in bubble wrap whenever they leave the house from now on, and to coerce Ranpo into drinking more milk; he understands now, why the President of the Agency had said Ranpo had bones of glass, because it was true.

“Why the sudden interest in my scars anyway?” Ranpo says when Poe just continues to stare at him, bringing a hand to brush Poe’s hair out of his face, trailing his hands through tangled locks in a way that has Poe relaxing into the other’s arms.

“I’ve always had an interest.” Poe murmurs. “Every scar has a story to tell, whether it be light-hearted and funny, or dark and fearful. I find it fascinating how some people wear their scars with pride and share the stories of how they got them so easily, while there are others who are fearful and refuse to speak of them. And, well, I am a writer at heart, so I love hearing those stories when they are shared with me.”

Ranpo is silent and still, so still, that Poe lifts himself up to he can see Ranpo’s face easier to try and determine what the other is thinking about. What he sees is hesitation, and a little bit of fear; it’s a look that has Poe frowning. “What is it?”

“Would you like to know?” Ranpo asks him.

“Know what?”

Instead of answering, Ranpo shifts the shoulder of the indented scar, and Poe gives his partner a soft smile, leaning forward to place a kiss against Ranpo’s forehead. “If it makes you uncomfortable or afraid, then no, I do not wish to know. You only need tell me if you want to tell me.”

Ranpo hums.

“Do you want to tell me?” Poe presses, and Ranpo sighs before he shakes his head. “Then you don’t need to tell me.”

“But you’re curious now—”

“My curiosity does not come before your comfort, Ranpo-kun.” Poe kisses Ranpo’s forehead once again, and then his nose, his cheek, before he tenderly brushes his lips against Ranpo’s own; Ranpo relaxes with each kiss, and his arms come to wrap around Poe’s waist, holding him close. Neither of them say anything, letting the conversation die off as they, once again, get lost within each other with gentle touches and affectionate gestures.

One day, you’ll tell me the story of that scar, Ranpo-kun, and it will be a story worth hearing.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd fanfic #ranpoe #edgar allan poe #edogawa ranpo #kissing #boys in love #hurt/comfort #fluff #mild angst #writing #fanfic

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sleepy-shutin · 1 year

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saw someone else do one of these and i figured it would probably be useful and interesting to track this sort of thing over time.

i discovered my DID in 2018, originally thinking it was OSDD-1.

originally i was in a lot of endo spaces and thought i was fictive heavy and had like 60+ alters and i called them all headmates and couldn’t orchestrate a system meeting to save my life because half the alters i thought were real fucking weren’t. they constantly pressured me to have more and more fictives, in a subtle sense, and while it wasn’t necessarily conscious, i eventually complied. i was like that for about two years, and the damage it did was insane. when i realized what was happening i had to re-start everything and make it make sense.

that was around 2020-2021.

it is now november, 2022. currently, my pluralkit is rocking about 29 different listed parts. there are a few more that aren’t listed, so it’s probably safe to say somewhere around ~30+ is the most accurate number we have right now.

we are nowhere near fictive heavy, and 90% of the alters even remotely related to fictivehood are from a particular piece of media that we have had as a (now fading/faded, due to host change) special interest for over half a decade, which makes a lot more sense than having a new alter for every new media, lol.

i was talking about this earlier with a friend, but even back then it was scary every time i split a new alter or thought i had a new alter. it’s terrifying to have that many alters to me. knowing that there are quite possibly more. that there’s quite literally nothing i can do about it right now. i don’t have a therapist. i don’t even have a diagnosis. i can’t even get one. i have nothing right now, because i’m still at home.

i still have so much self doubt. i’m looking back on the last handful of years as a different part than the ones fronting and it was pretty traumatic, but i can’t help but feel like we were kind of a little bitch about some of it. lmao.

then i remember some of the other stuff that happened and i realize, maybe i have more PTSD than i thought.

then i remember how little i remember about my childhood and i’m like. ah.

i have exactly one, maybe two memories. no context, no idea who’s involved in either of the images i was given, and i still can’t even tell if the second one is a real memory or not.

when i was in the episode i got that second flashback in, it looked so real to me. now, whenever i try to look at that image, it looks like a cartoon. i can’t really explain it.

thinking about all the alters i have makes me want to vomit.

of course, welcoming with open arms, giving them a space where they can be themselves, including them, communicating with them.

but with every discovery of a new part, every angry child, every self destructive teenager, every condescending adult, i get a familiar feeling. one that makes me feel like the empty socket of a gouged-out eye. something once there, violently removed, leaving the space it occupied hollow and empty.

with every new part, it’s a reminder of a piece of myself that was ripped away, a piece that had to be separated for the greater good.

another piece that was forced to take on a burden that the rest of us can’t.

another piece that does nothing but feel pain.

another piece that just gets on with it.

another piece to do the same task that another part can do, but in a slightly different way because of the new situation that they were split in.

definitely switched in the middle of writing this haha.

whatever.

i don’t even remember what i was talking about.

i guess the point is that i have ~30 confirmed parts now and i don’t know how some people could have more and not feel so incredibly... desolate.

30 pieces of something un-whole is a lot more than one would think.

#part ???#journaling tag

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onboardsorasora · 7 months

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Hii 💜 I know this is not your content, but I came to ask you for help with a question

Do you think it would be a good idea to change my floor ticket (the one really close to the stage, idk the name in english sorry) to one from the upper sector?

With the floor ticket, I agreed to go with a relative so none of us would be alone. This sector was never something that I wanted, the lack of personal space and the difficulties of being there makes me extremely uncomfortable, but it was the only option so I decided to stay at the calm area at the back, and this relative also thought the same. But this person found out that a group of friends will be going on the floor (they are not bad people, but we have absolutely nothing in common and sometimes the situation gets a little weird), they want to get as close to the stage as possible, something I'm not going to do. It would leave me alone at the back, but somehow they would still be around

Yesterday someone offered me a upper sector ticket for a great price and I'm seriously thinking about buying it, but I'm afraid/anxious about being completely alone there and this relative seemed sad when I told about the possible change, can you help me?

Hey Anonstie, thank you for reaching out! I feel super honoured that you came to me :)

I hope you don’t mind but I asked one of my friends to help make sure I wouldn’t give you skewed (or bad lol) advice.

The main answer we came to was: you should decide what option makes you the most uncomfortable and then do the other one. So if being in the pit in front of the stage with people you don’t gel with is more uncomfortable than watching the show by yourself– we suggest taking the upper sector ticket. Or the other way if being alone is more uncomfy to you than being by a group where you’re only cool with one person. Then stay in the pit.

(you also said that you wouldn’t have preferred to being in the pit, so I’m leaning to think that the upper section ticket is way more appealing to you or else you probably wouldn’t be having this dilemma)

Now; of course there’s so much nuance to every situation but I truly think you should make this decision based on how you feel and now how your relative feels. I cannot stress this enough, this event will be your experience so curate it how you will enjoy it.

I get that you have a worry of being alone, but if you decide to go be more comfortable by yourself; consider that you’ll still be with like-minded people who are also at this show/event to enjoy themselves as well.

Personally I stay out of the pit, I find a seat haha yeah I’ll be standing most of the time but it feels less claustrophobic to me. If I can’t find seating– I’m normally on the fringes to the back. We saw Jungle perform the other day and we were originally like super close to the stage and then I needed to use the bathroom and THE CRUSH of people to actually get out was horrifying. I spent the lat 45 mins of the show jamming out on the benches by the merch stand and bars. It was still an amazing show and there were so many people just doing the same thing, jamming out, still enjoying the show and visuals but they were comfortable. And I bet their memories will be fantastic because they won’t recall how uncomfortable they were.

I hope this helps!! Please don’t be afraid to reach out again or DM me!! <3

#asks #answered #anonymous

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wysteriaisapenguin · 2 years

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So I finally finished playing Klonoa: Phantasy Reverie Series!

Klonoa’s been one of my favorite childhood games, so seeing it get revived got me so excited. I was so ready to replay it as an adult and it’s just as charming as I remember. When I finished playing both and got to these screens, I was like, “Oh god, it’s like this game remembers me or something...” I know that sounds cheesy but there’s something about the game addressing the player as if they were an old friend...

Anyways I have a lot of thoughts about both ‘Door to Phantomile’ and ‘Lunatea’s Veil’ so feel free to read below. (Spoilers included!)

Ok so first off, the first game: Door to Phantomile. It’s a classic platformer and getting through each stage was quick and simple. I always loved how aesthetically pleasing the design for the environments were. It was so vibrant and fitting for each element per kingdom. (Especially the Moon Kingdom!!!) I know they mostly borrowed some aspects from the wii remake, but they still included so much of the charm from the original PS1 game. This included the original dialogue, music, and designs of the characters and I’m glad they stuck with that. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it! (I’ll never stop being be salty about Huepow hogging the dialogue in the wii remake.)

Also I never realized how much of a babey Klonoa originally was haha

That being said, the ending didn’t leave much of an impact for me than when I first saw it in the original. Maybe it’s because they tried to remake it with the wii remake’s graphics and models, which ended up being lukewarm...but I remember seeing that high quality cutscene where Lephise sings her beautiful song, but Klonoa is desperate to stay and Huepow doesn’t want him to go. It made child me cry so hard and I couldn’t get over it because these two friends were separated after all the adventuring they’ve done together. And I didn’t feel that at all in the remake’s ending...but at least the strong voice acting for the scene made up for it.

Also, I still dislike Huepow for what he did; in my opinion, placing false memories to your supposed ‘friend’, pretending to be their closest friend, and telling them the truth at the very last minute is a more insidious betrayal than what I’ve seen from most twist villains. But he had no ill intentions and he deeply regretted doing all of that because he genuinely got attached to Klonoa and wanted him to stay. Even if many players, including myself, would not forgive Huepow, Klonoa would probably still forgive him because he would still see him as a friend. Even if it’s not his reality, he still wanted it to be. So I won’t be too harsh on Huepow for that.

Now for the second game, Lunatea’s Veil! Like the first game, all of the original graphics, dialogue, and gameplay were there and I appreciate that too. I also love how varied the environments and music were for each kingdom and that made the whole journey a lot more engaging to me.

Honestly I always preferred the second game than the first and replaying it made me remember why. Storywise, there was a lot more going on and the cast was a lot more interesting. I also really like how the kingdoms of Lunatea represented different emotions, but sorrow was cast out from the rest since people would rather forget about being sad. I think that sentiment hit a bit close to home, especially because I usually resort to escapism when I’m feeling upset. Plus, seeing how isolated all the kingdoms are from each other made me think that it’s not always a good thing to feel one emotion only. There needs to be a balance within your emotions and it’s ok to embrace your own sorrow too.

I also started to appreciate Lolo. When I was a kid, I didn’t think much of her but now I see her as a great friend for Klonoa. In fact, she’s a better friend than Huepow ever was. She was insecure about not being good enough and she relied on Klonoa’s power to reach her own goals. But she was not manipulating him in the slightest and seeing her doubt herself because she thought she was just made me feel sad. Yes, she needed Klonoa’s help to gain her title as a priestess, but Klonoa also needed her help to fight back. They work together really well, which makes their friendship really warranted. And I loved seeing that so much. (I’m also a little salty that she got reduced to a helpless damsel in distress in later games. She’s much more than that.)

Maybe that’s why I started to tear up a bit towards the ending. Lolo knows that Klonoa needs to leave now that the world is saved. So she gave up her title and is determined to try again on her own. Despite that, she still doesn’t want Klonoa to leave and he tells her the same thing Huepow did before they were separated: “We’ll always be together.” It’s bittersweet because you know that these two work so well together but now they’ll never see each other again. Their friendship was a lot more meaningful, just like the whole story for this game.

Phew, that’s all the thoughts I have now! I’ll probably write more if I have anything else, but long story short: I love both Klonoa games and I’m really happy to play them again. I really hope that there will be more Klonoa content in the future, especially because the remake is doing so well. But who knows?

#wysty's thoughts #klonoa #Klonoa Phantasy Reverie #Klonoa Door to Phantomile #klonoa lunatea's veil #klonoa spoilers

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frostywisp · 7 months

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✨❤️🧠 for the OC ask game!

oop i din mean to reblog that but sure haha i dun mind

i dun rly hv much OCs cos i havent written much n stuff in a while, but i do have one self-insert OC frm like 3-4 yrs ago

I got that name frm my previous username (which also has my initials) which had a "fireice" somewhere in it. i liked fire cos Kai frm Ninjago, and ice powers were cool (esp cos in Soul Knight they were rly good at dealing with enemies, yes this is a core memory for why i like ice powers, idk why either)

✨ - how come up wit ock name? :

his name is Frost (lol, the OC name came before my username. i got the username frm tumblr's username generator and saw one that fit the story i was writing for my OC at the time n thought "why not?"). his name was originally gonna be Ice but i thought it sounded to harsh lmao so I changed it. In most of my notes for him you'll see notes for an "Ice".

i mean he *is* a self-insert OC, and he *is* basically just a 13-14 y/o me but fire n ice powers that i gave a way to travel into the fandoms i was frequenting at the time... so i guess it would just be a good memory from when i was that age.

♥️ - ock best memory? :

ummmmmmm im not rly sure

maybe sitting on the second floor of the bus, on the way home aft band practice with my friend. are we chatting? are we sitting in silence? is he just sitting there playing his phone while i ask him about it? all of the above to some degree i think (i should write smt abt that to myself...)

i stopped writing that story cos i took too long n by the time i was starting to actually write it, i was a pretty different person from when i started it.

🧠 - fav thing abt ock? :

haha it's pretty obviously the powers lmao

i also gave him powers to open and close portals to travel the different fandoms, and then i realised "oops he's too powerful" :P

he had a little pocket dimension thing he could retreat into n store his stuff, so that was cool

fire and ice powers, need i say more? i swear i didnt base him off of Todoroki, even if my chara also prefers fire to left and ice to right. i got into bnha and got a huge shock hahahaha

at some point i wondered "what if i turned him into a Servant?" and then gave him Assassin Class cos i liked Shiki Assassin n i just wanted to prove that Assassins weren't the weakest class lmao

i came up with waaaayyy too much bullshit to try and justify everything ahahahaha

i did do some actual writing for him, but it rly wasn't that much. there are some scenes that wld be rly cool to remake and redo into some other context, but i don't know how im gonna pace the one im thinking of very nicely. we'll see, i think.

#frost eloquence #ninetyninelies #frost ans #now... to delete that reblog :P

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yoshkeii · 3 years

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"𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎."

࿐ character(s): Daishou Suguru, Atsumu Miya, Sakusa Kiyoomi

࿐ genre: angst (to fluff)

࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)

࿐ requested: yes, as a continuation of "𝚄𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍.”

⌦ male!reader (he/him)

⌦ mentions ; cheating (atsumu’s), angst to fluff (sakusa)

⌦ they all have different scenarios, so its best to check out the first post for a little more context.

A/N: never expected to make a part two, but i guess the feedback said otherwise. its been awhile since ive written anything, so i may be rusty, disregard mistakes too please-

𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴 ; this is queued. i am still on my hiatus.

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞:

→ ever since the argument, you had left. taking majority of what was yours and what you could in the quickest of matters. you and Daishou barely talked or interact within those days. often dead silence within the shared home... or rather what was shared.

→ it was quite suffocating as well, leaving each other after a long relationship you both committed to. but you had a gut feeling it would end unfortunately.

→ Daishou had seen you leave for the last time past the front door. only exchanging a blunt “bye.” before disappearing behind the solid door. he really hoped this was all lies and games, but it wasn’t. he knew this was real, he knew this will be his reality. without you. the fading steps signaled that you were not gonna look back.

→ since then, he hasn’t heard of you since. he hasn’t seen your name around social media and only the bittersweet memories of when his friends would bring you up came into mind.

→ but it was like, you erased him from your world. and yet Daishou still held tight of the cut thread that lead to you. the other end laying flat onto the floor as the other end you had, disappeared as a whole. a huge gap between you both.

→ him being in denial, he kept mainly to himself.

→ the old shared space felt empty. drastically different every time he would come home. he would hear your welcoming voice that made his whole body so warm and fuzzy, but now, the silence was painful and cold as he stepped inside his so called ‘home’. he didn’t know why...

→ but he really wanted you back. he wanted to see your face no matter when he came home. he missed your whole presence. he yearned for something that he could’ve kept if he would just shut up.

→ Daishou didn’t expect to see you here. at the same party he would be invited to, he watched you from the second floor that had the view of the merged rooms of the living room and kitchen. seeing you laugh and smile with two other friends who you stumbled upon, the sight made his heart sting.

→ a sharp stab straight through his chest, only thinking if he could be the reason for that smile. that laughter. oh he envied it.

→ he tried to avert his thoughts away before he heard some whistles and calling of names, to see your figure slip away with someone else from the crowd.

→ watching you both from his higher position, he noticed your hands intertwined with the other. his own hand slightly clenching the daring drink he held, the other grasping the rail tighter the longer he watched.

→ Daishou’s eyes soon looked up at your face. the expression you had made him feel conflicted.

→ the wide pure smile you had accompanied with the deep flush, made him feel that oh so familiar feeling. but knowing he wasn’t the cause of it pained him.

→ although, seeing you with someone deserving made him feel at ease. but the stabbing dagger in his heart laid there still, only reminding him that he could’ve been that better person.

𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞:

→ after the confrontation, you and Atsumu had split ways of course. it was difficult to move on and realize the situation at hand, to the both of you.

→ seeing where your stuff would be gone in the shared space made it surprisingly empty and less... alive. the whole place felt dead and empty, like a home left abruptly without an obvious reason of why.

→ but Atsumu knew why, and it began to nag at him. it made him feel so guilty to do that to you. to him, you were so pure, kind, and oh so nice. he could go on about your looks too, he really could. but every thought of you made his mind so hazy and clouded with distraught.

→ why did he cheat? you were loyal to him- if only he could be too.

→ its been a couple years since then, it was tough for Atsumu. he had cut ties for who he was cheating with, regretting what he did and in hopes to regain you back before- didn’t obviously work. so now he stayed alone in the home that practically mocked him of his decision.

→ he was quite surprised Atsumu wasn’t blocked by you throughout social media etc. but he didn’t dare to strike a conversation and laid idle as he saw you occasionally appear on his feed.

→ seeing you mention being in relationship but only giving vague hints and images, truly never revealing who to your followers.

→ sighing as he slipped his phone into his pocket, he didn’t want to think about it all, so he decided to pay a visit to Osamu at his restaurant. to his twin’s dismay.

→ arriving there fairly quickly he waved at his brother who was behind the counter cleaning up for the night, seeing his twin wave back slightly before continuing on whatever he was doing.

→ Atsumu couldn’t help but noticed the metallic object that wrapped around Osamu’s ring finger.

→ “..’Samu? What’s on yer’ hand?”

→ “Oh- ya noticed already. I got engaged not so long ago, or recently.”

→ curiosity jabbing at the blonde made him eagerly question again.

→ “I- What?? By who!? ‘Samu ya didn’t even tell me you were in a relationship!” Atsumu could only just whine, knowing his brother didn’t share with him about his personal life after highschool.

→ “Shut up ‘Tsumu.. Don’t be so loud in my restaurant or I’ll kick yer ass out of here!”

→ “..but do you still wanna know?”

→ Osamu seeing his twin nod with anticipation made him sigh, knowing this wouldn’t end too well. “Well.. me and [Name] are getting married. Just got engaged with him two days ago.”

→ “..[Name]..?” Atsumu could only repeat the familiar name, his voice faint but still audible to his brother’s ears.

→ he couldn’t believe it. his brother... and..

→ “W-well-! That’s.. nice for both of ya, haha..” the blonde tried to played off, hoping that the wavering of his voice didn’t catch his attention but, Osamu already knew, simply playing along as the conversation continued and slowly shifted off to something else.

→ Atsumu had left the place rather quickly than he originally intended to stay- but he didn’t expect it. he didn’t expect you being engaged with his twin, eventually knowing you’ll see each other soon.

→ he didn’t know how to feel about this. he was happy for both of you- but- he wasn’t over you. although it has been more than two years, he wasn’t. he missed you, he yearned to see you again. he wanted to hear your laughter and giggles, your voice overall. he wanted to see you smile, he wanted to see your handsome face.

→ he wanted... you back. but he knows he can’t have you. not anymore.

𝚂𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚜𝚊:

→ when you left passed the front door, you hadn’t come back after a few minutes. and it was.. raining. pretty badly.

→ having worry built up in his stomach that soon turned into a mixture of anxiety made him feel uneasy, overthinking the situation and words he said to you earlier made him choke on his actions.

→ snapping out of the trance, he rushed to go grab a coat to slip on. retrieving his phone. hurrying out the front door hoping to find you haven’t gotten too far already, almost slipping down some steps of the apartment building on the way to find you.

→ the rushing anxiety continue to flow through him, making his movements more loose and clumsy as he ran off to find you. calling out your name aimlessly of the darkened rainy streets. not caring that his curls were getting soaked in the pounding rain, he just wanted to find you.

→ to find you and keep you safe.

→ Sakusa’s heart kept increasing every moment he didn’t see you. he wanted to find you so bad- this anxiety he had was much worse than when around he was in crowds, this one felt more instinctual.

→ forgetting he had brought his phone, he slipped it out of his pocket quickly dialing and calling you. to find you answering on the second ring.

→ “..h-hello-?”

→ “[Name]..! T-thank god your safe.”

→ the slight mess-up Sakusa slurred with his words made you feel slightly worried, “..yes I am safe. what’s up with you??”

→ “Nothing..! But w-where are you?”

→ “I’m.. at a nearby cafe. Are you sure you-”

→ your boyfriend interrupted you quickly, “I’m on my way.”

→ “H-hey..! Don’t just-”, hearing the call end with singular beep, “aaaand.. he hung up..” you decided to look around from your position outside, grasping your phone nervously. realizing the rain was pounding down much harder than earlier.

→ the sound of the familiar voice calling your name from the distance caught your attention, gazing over to see Sakusa running over towards you.

→ “S-saku-”

→ jumping lightly at the sudden hug he enveloped you, muttering soft rushed apologies over and over again as he hid his drenched face in the crook of your neck. he had continued his rambles of apologies as you hugged him back, rubbing his back lightly. watching the ravened hair male let it out a little longer before you could mutter reassuring words to him back.

→ the tension slowly rising from his muscles but the hold of his hug didn’t falter at all, only continuing to snake around your waist.

→ “..you scared me..” “...im really sorry, babe.”

→ you lifted your gaze to meet Sakusa’s, lifting your hands up to cup his face. brushing a few strands of hair away from his view sending a quick peck onto his lips. “you don’t need to apologize anymore Omi. you did enough already..”

→ “A-and you’re drenched! Baby, you’re gonna get sick-” you blinked, noticing how flat his hair was from the rain that couldn’t reach you both from the small roof over the entrance of the cafe.

→ “..i-i’ll be fine..” the soft stutter Sakusa made noted he was embarrassed about the thought, “..i’m glad your the one not gonna be sick though.” he muttered before softly pecking your lips.

→ “Honey..” you sighed, taking your hands in his before heading inside the building. “..lets just get something to drink to warm us up, ‘kay? then we can head back.”

→ “I-m.. paying aren’t I-..”

→ “Yes. Yes you are. A treat after a bad tiring day!”

→ “..you just want sweets-”

→ “Shut it Kiyoomi.”

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mayakern · 3 years

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I saw on your Twitter you play dnd! What kind of character do you play and what system? Also, do you do your own commissions of your characters or do you get it from other artists?

oh hell yeah i love dnd!!! i mostly just play 5E but my regular group did our second session in city of mists last night and it was SUPER fun (we play that instead of our ongoing game whenever our aussie players can’t make it)

i don’t usually reuse dnd characters because even tho i love my characters, they usually all end up with their own history and relationship to their games so adapting them feels weird, but here’s a run down of some of my favorite characters i’ve played! (and ye all this art is by me)

1. anenome (or nem for short)

she’s a water genasi arcane trickster rogue/divination wizard. she’s from a game where we started out playing kids (nem was 11) and then after a Big Event had an 11 year time skip where everyone in the party had to separate before a big reunion. she used to be a really shy and sweet and optimistic kid, but after everything fell apart and she became an accidental criminal, she stopped believing in any sort of fairness in the world and grew up super jaded and nihilistic, tho she still strives to protect that spark of optimism in others (not that she’d admit that). she is SUPER SUPER gay and is married to flare (fire genasi sorcerer). they have a bunch of history and i love them a lot!

2. nora

this is my city of mists character!! she’s a twitch streamer/cam girl/only fans model/l33t h4x0r. she’s clever and compassionate and very silly and a bit gross. part of her backstory is that when she was a relatively new twitch streamer, someone tried to cyberbully her by calling her a “garfield looking ass motherfucker” and so she immediately dyed her hair orange and made that her entire persona just to fuck with them (thus the custom garf headset).

3. hemlock

hemlock is an onomancy wizard! she was made for a storybook game — essentially all the characters lived on a bookshelf in someone’s home and can travel between books.

when characters travel into a new book, especially if it’s an “active” book (i.e. currently being read), they get assigned a role that is both available and closest to their archetype (so, as a wizard, if hemlock entered a book of king arthur’s tales she would likely be assigned as morrigan or merlin if available, or another magic user if not).

hemlock herself was from a story where her family (two sisters and her mother) were turned from good witches/princesses (it was unclear) into evil hags/witches and hemlock bartered her name (and right eye) to keep her mind/heart/goodness.

the onomancy wizard subclass is SUPER interesting and fun and is all about the naming of things and works super well with fairytale stuff (which i love). tbh i REALLY want to play hemlokc more. that game was insanely fun and ended prematurely due to scheduling difficulties. i just don’t think there is another game setting that would ever work for her bc she is so specific.

4. althea

my most recent character is althea! she’s an aasimar grave cleric. she woke up in a morgue about two weeks ago (in game time) and instantly fell in love with the mortician who discovered she was still(?) alive. she has no memories of her past (and tbh no real desire to go looking for them). she is smart but also a dumb ass, has 6 charisma and no sense of self preservation and is completely and utterly in love with rosemary (the mortician, now barkeep) and will literally do anything she wants, no questions asked (and will even do things she THINKS rosemary wants unasked... such as maybe yoinking a very obviously cursed goblet from a ritual circle of living corpses in literally the first game session just bc she thought rosemary would think it was cool).

5. penny

penny was my first long-term dnd character! she was my third dnd character ever but in a lot of ways i consider her my first because the other two were run primarily in 4E and didn’t meet often enough (or just enough period) for me to get a grasp on them or the game mechanics.

penny is a light domain cleric. she was made for a buddy cop game i joined randomly on roll20 because i couldn’t find a consistent group to meet with IRL. i was super nervous to join a random game with strangers but really wanted to play dnd so i gave it a shot and i am SO glad i did because i still play with that group! or.. what became of that group. it started out as a group of me and a bunch of strangers, but i quickly made friends with the DM and one of the other players, then devin joined a couple months in, and slowly original players left for various reasons and we invited other ppl in (a couple of my friends, the other longterm player’s gf, etc) and now that is the main group i still play with! (nem and nora and a bunch of my other characters are from games w that group)

when the game was open for player/character apps, we were asked to pitch what role our character would play in a buddy cop movie and i picked the straight man archetype (haha i know). penny is very sweet and shy and wholesome.

i have a bunch of other characters, most of which can be found on toyhouse, but this post is already way too long as is! whoops!

#ask #maya draws things #dnd #oc #long post #maya rambles

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randomshyperson · 3 years

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hiii hope you’re doing well and drinking enough water!!! I’ve got an idea for high school nerdy wanda that I wanna share with you and you feel free to write it or not! so wanda is nerdy, shy and adorable and reader is popular and actually nice and has always been intrigued by wanda. I was listening to drivers license by olivia rodrigo when this idea came to me so, reader probably gives wanda a ride and it becomes their thing and reader is always saying wanda should get her driver’s license and they eventually get together and it’s all cute and fluffy but there’s this blonde girl (for the sake of the song lol) who’s obsessed with reader and always makes wanda nervous and jealous. so when said girl finds out about reader and wanda (let’s just consider this girl the typical most popular girl in school trope) she threatens reader and makes reader break up with wanda and get with her. you decide what the threat would be. maybe something really personal about reader or wanda’s past that would haunt them if people were to find out. but then reader and wanda get back together in the end of course. sorry it’s so long and again you don’t have to write this!!

Hi, honey, is everything alright? I hope so! I had to listen to Drivers Licence One Hour Version to write this, but I liked it haha This song is great for dramatizing a romance I never experienced, and I hope you'll be pleased! By the way, i kept the original drama of the singers (the whole guy was older and stuff)

Happy reading.

Drivers License - Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Warnings: 13+, Language, mentions of abuse/sexual harassment, bullying, underage kissing.

Words: 2.642K // Read on AO3 too

You met Wanda Maximoff in your senior year of high school.

It was raining heavily, and you had stayed late at school to take care of your responsibilities as leader of the athletic team. You figured that at that time there would only be you and the janitor in school, but as you were leaving towards the parking lot, you bumped into someone.

- Damn it, I'm sorry! - you said, looking at the person. It was a girl about your age, but you had never seen her before. She looked away from you immediately, as she bent down to pick up the books you dropped. - Hey, let me help you with that.

You bent down and helped her pick up the books, and when you stood up, you handed them to her with a smile.

- Thank you. - She spoke softly without looking at you. Maybe she was shy, you thought.

And then you heard thunder and let out an exclamation, an idea occurring to you.

- Hey, are you driving? - you asked gently, and the girl frowned, but denied it with her head. - I can give you a ride, because of the rain.

- Oh, that's okay. No need. - She denied, blushing. You let out a little giggle when a louder thunderclap sounded.

- It's no bother, really. - You said, smiling. - Where do you live?

- On the Sokovia complex.

- Wow, you see? We are practically neighbors. - You reply cheerfully. - I live two streets away from your house.

The girl nods, looking away. You put your hand in your pocket.

- All right then. - She finally agrees, and you smile as you open the door to the parking lot, and walk out in front with her walking slightly behind.

You walk in silence to your car, but when you start the vehicle, you want to talk to her.

- So, what's your name? - you ask gently as you drive in reverse to leave the parking lot.

- Wanda. - She answers in a small voice looking out of the window. - Wanda Maximoff.

- I've never seen you before, Wanda. - You comment, and then you are outside, and the rain makes a loud noise against the car.

- I'm a first-year. - She says and you let out a sigh of understanding. That' s why you didn't know her, she was a freshman. - But I know you.

You let out a surprised little laugh.

- Oh yeah?

- Everybody knows.

- Is it bad?

She shrugs, smiling slightly. You think you already like her. You then turn on the radio, letting some pop song play softly, and then you start tapping your fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song.

- Since you are a first-year, you must not have a driver's license yet, right? - You comment, and Wanda denies it with a grumble.

- I'm only 15. - she says. You stop at a traffic light.

- Why were you in school until now? - you ask curiously.

- It's the best time to be in the library. - She answers, looking at you briefly.

You are silent again, and then you arrive in the area of the Sokovia residences.

- Hey, Wanda. - You call out to her before she opens the door. - I can drive you to school if you want. - And seeing her surprised expression, you quickly add with amusement. - Just until you get your license.

Wanda smiles, and nods in agreement before leaving.

It took 160 rides for you to realize that you were in love with Wanda Maximoff. And you thought it was not surprising at all.

From the first time you saw her, you thought she was impressive. And then every day of the week, you had a vision of her half-asleep leaving the house, and greeting you with a smile. You talked about everything, from the most superficial and random things, to your insecurities and fears. You shared your breakfast, and sang songs together. But then you'd get to school, and your friends would surround you, and Wanda would disappear. You only got her back on the way out, when you gave her a ride home.

You didn't say anything about it, and neither did Wanda. It was as if your car was the safe space in your relationship. And you were completely terrified of messing it up.

And then it rained again, but this time your car was in the outside parking lot. You ran to the car through the rain, and when you finally took cover you were soaked. You started laughing the next second, and when you looked at Wanda, you couldn't control yourself.

- I want to kiss you. - You breathlessly confessed when you stopped laughing, Wanda blinked in surprise, her face red. - Is that all right?

It takes a moment, but she nods. Then you move on the seat toward her, and she meets you halfway. When your mouths meet, you both sigh. It's sweet and tender, and you part, leaving your foreheads together.

- Why did you stop? - She whispered with her eyes closed, making you gasp. And then you kissed her again, this time until the windows were fogged up.

Unfortunately things don't get amazing after that. The routine comes back to you, and then you are overwhelmed with end-of-year tasks. Even though you are completely in love with Wanda, and steal kisses between one ride and the next, you see the distance between you grow. Maybe it's the way you two act like you didn't know each other at school, or how Wanda won't tell you what your friend Sharon Carter was talking to her about the other day at school, or maybe it's the way you don't tell her that Tony Stark made fun of you for weird freshman.

And then things get much worse when you turn eighteen, because your friends start mocking you with the law on their side. And it's hard to concentrate on the good memories with Wanda while they tease and mock, and you want to go back to the car, but you have to smile and nod politely, because that's what they expect of you, and soon you're graduating.

You receive your acceptance letters from the universities, and you want to tell Wanda, but she is traveling with her family, and you are bored. And so you agree to celebrate with your friends who also got their letters, at some bar in town. When you start drinking, it's easy to dance and laugh all night, and when they tease you again, you want to leave, but there is a gentle touch on your shoulder. Sharon hugs you, and tells you that everything will be all right, that you should go out with someone who looks more like you, who is compatible, and when she says lots of sweet words, you want to remember smiles and stolen glances at school and gentle touches in your car, but your head is spinning and you accept her kissing you.

When you wake up, you are wearing no clothes, and there is a hand on your waist. You want to throw up, because even though you and Wanda never made a commitment, you feel the betrayal burning in your bones.

You want to yell at Sharon and tell her to leave, but then she's threatening you, with pictures you don't even remember taking. And when you get back to school, she tells everyone that you two are dating, and you wait for Wanda in the parking lot, but she doesn't show up.

You cry at your graduation, and not from happiness. And when the ceremony is over, you get in your car and drive one last time to Wanda's house, and you cry against the steering wheel. You are 18 now, with a diploma and a girlfriend. This is over, and you have to move on.

In college you meet someone who helps you, her name is Shuri, and after you have spent the whole first year being completely miserable, you have a literature assignment together. When you are going over the details of the presentation, at the third coffee meeting, you cry when you tell her about the photos.

- My girlfriend is blackmailing me. - You whisper, and she looks surprised for a moment, but then she hugs you, and assures you that she will help you.

There are police for a while, and then courts and court orders, and then therapy. You also make new friends now, good friends who don't judge or make fun of you. And then you pay attention in class again, and agree to join the track team.

You try not to think that there is only one thing missing in your life, because you have no right to disappear and go back to her life, but you can't help it missing her.

But you swallow your feelings, and try to pay attention to the future.

You come home in the fall, and your past comes back to you. You don't think you've ever talked much to your brother about school, but then you find yourself asking. And as he talks, you ask about Wanda.

- Wow, I remember her. - He says. - That girl you used to drive around with, right? - he asks and you nod. - I never understood why Sharon was so mean to her, but I guess it all makes sense now.

You blink in confusion.

- What do you mean?

- I thought you knew that story. - He remarked nonchalantly while you were in the kitchen, he was looking for cookies. - She used to say such bad things to Wanda, as if she was superior to her, you know? I think she acted completely different around you.

Your heart is racing. Confused and angry.

- Why didn't anyone ever tell me this? - You complain and your brother frowns.

- Look, it wasn't anyone's problem.

- It was my problem. - You retort. - I would have interfered, I liked Wanda!

Your brother is surprised by your outburst, but says no more. You drag your feet out of the kitchen.

You want to scream in anger, or punch Sharon in the face, but it's not mature and there's a court order. So you throw yourself on the bed, sinking your face into the pillow. When you fall asleep, you dream of Wanda.

On your last day at home, you know you shouldn't, but you drive to her house. You think your heart is going to burst out of your chest, but you swallow your nervousness and get out of the car. Wanda is on the porch, with her brother, and she looks surprised to see you. You assume that she didn't want to see you, but when she is close enough, she hugs you around the waist, putting her face into your chest. Your body instantly relaxes. You don't know if you're blushing from the hug, or from her brother's gaze on you, maybe a little of both, you think as you hug her back.

When you two are left alone on her veranda, you apologize for long minutes, because you're just sorry you lost her. But Wanda smiles, and holds your hand. And you are silent for a while, swinging your feet on the rocking chair. And then Wanda giggles.

- I got my driver's license. - She comments, and you let out a surprised and happy exclamation.

- Let's drive somewhere now. - you say excitedly. Wanda laughs.

- Where?

- Anywhere. - You answer already getting up, pulling her by the hand.

While you are in the car, she tells you that she is going to a university in the south, forty minutes away from yours, and you can't hide your excitement. And then you are turning on the radio and singing along with Wanda loudly as she drives down a highway.

When she drops you off, you exchange numbers, and you know that this time you're not going to let her get away.

You are busy with college. Very busy. But this time, there are messages and video calls from Wanda almost every day. And then she's in college, and she's just as busy as you are. And you start missing her a lot, and your friends comment that you should tell her how you feel.

So you're driving to her dorm, but when you get out of the car, she's arriving, distracted with some books.

You hug her from behind, lifting her slightly in the air, she is startled at first, but as soon as she realizes it's you, she laughs. She turns around quickly, hugging you by the neck, the books are pressed against you, but you don't mind.

- What are you doing here? - she asks with a smile. You think she looks beautiful.

- I miss you. - You say, making her blush. - Can we go somewhere?

Wanda thinks for a moment, but smiles.

- Sure, I just need to leave some notes with my roommate. - She says. - You can visit my dorm.

You nod, escorting her into the dormitory. When you walk in you try not to get too excited. Everything is so organized, even for a college dorm.

Wanda's roommate is not here, so she just leaves her notes on the desk while you admire her polaroid collection.

- Where did you take this one? - you ask, pointing to a photo where Wanda was wearing a sailor costume.

She walked from the table to you, and let her chin rest on your shoulder.

- At Sam Wilson's birthday party last year. - She answered, looking at the picture.

- You look nice. - You commented, letting your gaze wander to the other pictures. Then Wanda's hands encircle your waist, in an embrace, and you bite the smile from your lips. - And this one?

You point to a photo where she is with Pietro.

- Halloween. - She answers after a moment. - I think we were on the street outside the house. - You murmur in agreement, looking at the photos, and then Wanda is moving her face. - You smell good.

- Thank you. - You comment, ignoring the fast beating of your heart. And then your gaze catches an interesting photo. - Ulala.

Wanda looks at the photo you are reaching for with your hand, and lets out a sigh, hiding her face behind your back as she laughs.

- Wanda Maximoff in a bikini, world. - You playfully try to look at her, but she just lets go of the hug, hiding her reddened face in her hands.

You raise your hands to her belly, tickling her until she pulls her hands away from her face. And while you're laughing, Wanda tries to push you away, but you hold onto her waist, and you both end up falling onto her bed.

Your laughter slowly dies down, and you realize that Wanda is on top of you, your faces close together, and you swallow dry.

- I want to kiss you. - She confesses with reddened cheeks. - Is that okay?

You sigh and smile.

- Of course.

She smiles before bringing your lips together. It's as good as you remember, and then you're kissing until you're breathless, and Wanda sits on your lap at some point, and when your hands are on her waist and your fingers are through the fabric, you remember:

- I thought we were leaving. - You play out of breath.

- You're not going anywhere. - She replies with a smile and her lips swollen, before kissing you again.

Many dates happen after that, and two weeks later, you come back late from one of these, and you were planning something beautiful and impressive, but Wanda is smiling as she says goodbye and the words just slip out:

- Will you be my girlfriend?

Wanda blinks in surprise, taking her hand off the doorknob. And then she smiles, and advances against you, kissing you on the mouth.

-Of course, you idiot. - She says against your lips, kissing you again.

And you are smiling, and kissing. And you don't want to let her out of the car, but you do, knowing that she would come back.

#wanda maximoff #wandaxreader #wanda x reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #marvel imagines #high school au

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alreadyblondenow · 3 years

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Never get to hold you | Lee Haechan

Lee Haechan x female!reader x Lee Jeno

▸ Fluff, smut, angst? Haechan is poor ▸ Part of To All the Members I’ve Loved Before: Dear 127, hosted by me

Summary: Growing up in a fucked up household, Haechan has always been thankful for his friend Jeno for treating him like his real brother. From giving him food, to letting him stay in their big house, to lending him money for school. Jeno has always been an angel. Until one day, Haechan found another angel, you. Finally his life is now brighter than ever… but not for long, because Jeno likes you too. Will Haechan let this once in a lifetime love slip and give you to his true friend who’s always been nice to him? Or will he be selfish?

Work count: 6k flat amazing

Warnings: Smut, toxic household, mentions of parents fighting, Haechan is poor here, if you are not okay with the idea please click away. Unprotected sex, couch sex, mentions of rough sex, overstimulating, Haechan smoked one cigarette, mentions of alcohol, alcohol consumption, mentions of Haechan’s sister, break up, slight cheating? but not really A/N: Pure fiction. Haechan’s character here is inspired by Justin Fooley from 13 reasons why. And the friendship is inspired by Bryce and Justin’s friendship. hehe. Originally this is a cheating au, but I’ve been writing a lot of cheating au so.... lets do the right thing for now. HAHA. also I did not include a lot of smut just because it doesn’t fit the story so i hope you understand that and still enjoy reading this. <3

A peaceful night that’s what Haechan longs for. A night free from the screaming and shouting of his parents, the glass shattering and never-ending blaming. He turns the volume up of the song he’s listening to from his mp3 player, closed his eyes, and tried sleeping. It’s not calming or whatsoever but it’s better than hearing the bickering.

For Haechan, sleep does not fix anything but it sure does make him feel better once he wakes up and finally faces another fun day in school. Yes. That’s right, Haechan loves going to school for it makes him feel like he’s a normal person. Not everyone in school knew how fucked up his life is and that’s another thing why he loves going to school. School and his friends have been his escape.

“You’re coming tonight right?” Jeno sneaks from behind and swings an arm on his best friend.

“Of course I’ll be there. I have to drive your drunk ass home-“ Haechan jokes but he was soon interrupted by something so unfortunate.

His shoes gave up on him.

“I think I should go and get this fixed before class starts. Not again,” Haechan said, stopping to remove his worn-out shoes and check them further while Jeno watch him.

“I have my Balenciaga shoes in my locker I don’t use that anymore. If you don’t want to keep it or accept it, at least use it for the day,” Jeno smiles at his friend and pats his back. But before Haechan could even say no to his best friend, Jeno is long gone for the school bell rang already.

Every since Haechan is new in town, Jeno has been a good friend to him. Both very different boys but they are brothers by heart and got each other’s back. For Haechan, Jeno is an angel to which he almost feels bad for not giving something in return for all the things Jeno gave him. Not just material things but Jeno offers financial help to Haechan too, in fact, Jeno is the reason why Haechan’s mother got a job at a store Mrs. Lee owns.

So you see, being a loyal and true friend is the only thing Haechan can give in return for now.

After school, Haechan fixed his wretched shoes before going to his part-time job. There, while he looks over the convenience store, he does his homework on the side and makes sure that he studies in advance so he can get closer to the college and scholarship that he’s aiming for and finally get out of this hell hole.

“You like studying so much?”

A voice made him drop his pen and went to work immediately. Punching the cashier and putting the stuff you bought in a plastic bag with a shy smile. A shy smile that miraculously lights up your day, he’s like a sun you thought.

“College. You’re new here right? I saw you earlier with the student body president. I’ve been there, being new in town will get easier... with the right people” Haechan says.

“Well, I had a bad first day, but thank you.... Hyuck. It’s great to know that eventually, everything will get better ” you read his name tag and smiled so sweetly at him. Oh, you wish it’s not obvious that you’re flirting.

When you left you’re all he could think of. He can’t stop thinking about your smile, how it’s obvious that you’re flirting with him but he thinks you’re so cute rather than flirty, he even beats himself up for not asking your name and making you stay longer.

As he walks his way home under a quiet night and with nothing in his head but your smile, he replays his only memory of you in his head while smiling alone and looking like a complete idiot. But when he was just a few walks from his house, he hears the screaming and shouting again.

He ran towards the door and straight to his sister’s room, not giving a fuck about why his parents are fighting. He hugs his little sister who’s in tears and basically shaking from fear, keeping her close to him to let her know that he is here now. And this is the sadness and reality he had to face every day.

“You scared?” He whispers but his face shows no fear to show his sister that his big brother is ready to protect her.

“Where were you?” She whines and snuggles to her brother more.

“I was at work, sorry. You know something wonderful happened to me today,” Haechan ready himself to tell his sister how you two met for the first time. She has always loved Hyuck’s stories and she’s always interested in the people his brother is friends with, especially Jeno.

“Well, why didn’t you ask her name? Will you see her again?” She asks eagerly. “I want more stories about her, she sounds sweet even though your conversation was too short”

“Yeah I know. Maybe I can talk to her by Monday and tell her, ‘hey my little sister wants us to be friends’” he jokes.

And so the night went on, exchanging stories with his sister until his parents stopped fighting and eventually his sister fell asleep in his arms. To be honest, he didn’t want to leave his sister alone after what happened tonight, but he promised Jeno that he will be there so he needs to be there.

Going to Jeno’s birthday celebration in a bar downtown is the last thing he wants to do after having a hard night. The bar was loud, packed, and it’s giving him a headache. So he promised himself that he will stay here for half an hour only, which did not happen because his heart feels heavy.

So he went out to have a cigarette and to clear his mind, having a debate with his conscience whether he’s going back in or not.

“The answer is no,” you said from behind which made him turn immediately and face you. “I’m watching you for a few minutes already and your feet is obviously hesitating to go back inside”

“It’s that obvious? Am I really that easy to read?” he takes one final hit from his cigarette before he throws it away. You nod with a smile to answer his question. It’s obvious that you’re happy to see each other again. “Why aren’t you inside? It’s cold out here,” he would give you his jacket if only he’s wearing one right now but he’s not.

“Everyone is loud inside and I feel like I’ve had enough of the screaming and overflowing booze, you know?” You answered awkwardly. Little did you know that Haechan feels the exact same thing. “But I should probably go and not ruin the silence here too so-“

“I can’t stop thinking about you” Haechan finally blurted out. He didn’t mean to but those are the words that came out from his mouth the moment he saw you turn and was about to walk away. “I don’t even know your name but my sister thinks your cool” he added, trying to sound fun and interesting. Heck, he’s trying to make you stay.

And it's working.

“You have a sister and you told her about me?” Haechan nods with a shy smile, “Well what did you tell her?” You asked with a flirty tone.

“I told her that I’ve never seen a smile so beautiful and that I feel stupid for not asking your name” he shamelessly flirts and came closer to you, making your heart beat faster and making you really nervous.

“Take me some somewhere quiet and I’ll tell you my name” you flirted back.

And without any second thoughts, he brought you to a place where you two can laugh out loud freely, and there's no loud music to bother the moment. You introduced yourself and all he did was giggle and tell you that his little sister will be happy about this. Haechan made you laugh nonstop, telling you the happy memories he holds dear and even small parts about his life, without fooling you and making you think that he’s someone else.

Now that he gets the chance to talk to you again, he wanted to embrace you while he pours all his honesty to you and hopes that you don’t mind liking someone fucked up like him. But Haechan thought that telling you that he’s poor as a rat on your first night together is not something worth staying for, so he shrugged it off and continue asking more about you.

Until you both lost track of time and he offered to walk you home, which you think it’s sweet.

“Do you want to have some water first, before you go? It’s a long way back. M-my parents are not home so no need to be shy,” you offered with a hint of other intentions that he surely understood. And thankfully he accepted.

The moment you closed the door, he stopped you from opening the lights, his hands are on your face and your lips touched immediately. Returning the kiss without hesitation, heads turning continuously and both tongues are wanting for something more.

You motion him to the couch and push him until he falls on the cushions and let out a quiet giggle. It was a pity that you wouldn’t see his bright smile. “You okay with this?” he slips his hand inside your shirt and smoothly removed it.

“More than okay,” you said and started to undo his belt and remove his pants. Soon, you’re both wearing only your underwear while grinding on top of each other. Shy to make a move but your kisses and moans say otherwise. You’re the one who initiates it this time, unclasping your bra and making him knead and cup your boobs shamelessly.

“Do I need a condom?” he asks, removing his boxers brief, throwing it on the floor, and immediately slipped his hand inside your panties while you’re on top of him kissing him like there’s no tomorrow.

You moaned softly when his fingers made contact with your very wet slit and told him, “No. But pull out?” he nods and told you he will. And because of that assurance, you finally removed your panties and went on top of him.

“It’s hard to pull out if you’re going to be on top, maybe next time?” He says and effortlessly switched your positions, putting him on top of you. He pulls away for a second and pumped his cock in between your opened legs, came in closer to kiss you before he pushes his in.

His kisses were gentle and sweet like he’s not about you fuck you in the next few seconds. But when he finally lined his cock and slowly thrust in, both of you moaned and forgot that you were kissing for a second. Sharp gasps escaped your mouth while delicious groans escaped from his. Slowly he takes his time pushing in and out without thrusting all the way, which surely builds the momentum and it definitely made you want more of him.

“I’ll go deeper” thankfully he noticed and pushed in finally. Thrusting a little bit quicker than earlier while his fingers are busy drawing circles on your clit.

Soon, you’re both on edge. Too shy to admit it but you can’t stop clenching and unclenching around him, “Stop doing that,” he says and kissed your neck, bitting the shell of your ear to hear you giggle while he makes you moan deliciously.

He came first as expected because you can’t stop moaning behind his ears and making him feel good with your tight walls. He shoots his cum on your stomach, away from your pussy while his other hand is continuously drawing fast circles and making you cum in no time.

You shivered like crazy and tried closing your legs but Haechan got a hold of it and overstimulated you.

“Wild-brutal, that’s you” you said while you continue to shiver, curl yourself in a ball and beg him to stop.

He kisses your body, avoiding his cum but still managed to suck your nipples good as you come down from your high. When you’re finally calm, you reached for the tissue on the coffee table to wipe yourself clean but he snatched the tissue from your hand and did it himself. After that, you moved your body and make room on the small couch so he can lie beside you, using his arms as your pillow, keeping you close to his sweaty body.

“You’re the second girl I kept in my arms tonight,” he says softly. Looking into your eyes directly. You know that it's his sister and it made you smile and planted a kiss on his lips.

“Can you keep it that way then?” you said, softly like how he spoke. He nods and tightens his hug.

“To be honest I feel like I’m a slut right now because I slept with you first... on my first day of school, my first day of meeting you-“

“Sssh. You think too much. You’re not a slut. I like you, you like me. It’s a normal reaction” he kisses your lips and your cheeks one too many times to make you giggle and eventually let go of your thoughts. “I have to go back to my friends” he added.

“What- No, stay, please. My parents wouldn’t mind” you begged but he shook his head and got up from his comfort.

“I’ll find you again”

“Well give me your phone” you said, eager to make him stay. Eager to stay in his life.

“I don’t have one because I can’t afford one” Haechan was shy to tell you the truth but he didn’t want to lie to you. But of course, you understand him instead of prying. You sat up, kissed him sweetly and told him,

“It’s fine. You know where I live, so we're going to do this old school then” you giggle and make the most of the few minutes you have with him. He reached for your panties and helped you wear them together with your shirt, leaving a soft kiss on your lower abdomen.

“Is that fine? Going old school?” He asks smiling and asking for another kiss.

“More than fine, that means I get to see you always” he giggled and told you that’s right and continued wearing the rest of his clothes.

The next day, Haechan woke up with a smile on his face by just merely thinking about you and thinking of going to your house tonight and surprise you after he hangs out with Jeno at the amusement park.

As his day went on with his best friend, all he thinks about is you. Did you eat already, how was your sleep, do you think of him, and what are you doing now? These are questions that he wanted to ask you because he misses you already, but also, these are the questions that attracted the universe into putting you both in the same place.

Just a few minutes ago, Haechan is thinking about you but now you’re right in front of him... with a blindfold at The Kissing Booth and about to kiss Jeno.... Jeno of all people.

There, Haechan stood and watch you and Jeno kiss in front of the audience. Watching your friends take a video and giggle as much as they want because you have no idea who you’re kissing right now. Oh they would kill to be in your position and taste Jeno’s lips. While you... you think about the gentleman who made you laugh over and over again last night, the gentleman who’s honest about everything, and the gentleman who made you feel good on your family couch last night.

And when you removed your blindfold, you can’t help but feel disappointed. It’s not Haechan you’re kissing, he hasn’t found you again.

When Jeno came closer and attempted to kiss you again, you pushed him away in front of many people, smiled and whispered, “We had our fun already, I think that’s enough. Sorry, I was hoping you’d be someone else” and came down from the stage to join your friends.

The disappointment in Jeno’s face was evident. He felt like he violated you or something and wanted to apologize further but you didn’t give him a chance. He saw Haechan standing in the corner with a soda in his hand and joined him, “That was something. I feel like I was taken to another dimension while I was kissing her. Damn I like her already” Jeno admits, having no clue that Haechan knows exactly what he’s talking about.

“Hey.... Haechan” you taped his shoulder which made him and Jeno turn around. You didn’t want to be bold and flirty with him in front of his friend so you just said hey.

Jeno was shocked to the core when you approached his friend and not him, and he was even more shocked to see you smile so sweetly at Haechan. “You know each other?” he asks you both nervously.

“Yes”

“No”

“N-no. Not really. Dude, everyone knows her. New girl in town plus she came by the store during my shift yesterday after school” Haechan explains. Completely denying that you two shared something special the other night.

Good thing Jeno believed and accepted Haechan’s explanation, so this time he didn’t waste any more time and shoot his shot. “I want to apologize to you. Can we go for a walk? Alone together-“

“Good idea man. I think I should go. I have a shift at the store, s-see you at school. B-both of you,” he says and awkwardly walks out and left you with Jeno.

You wanted to follow him, you would rather want to watch him work at the store than be with Jeno and waste your time strolling around the park, you’ve been wanting to be with him ever since you opened your eyes this morning and now you can’t believe that he denied you in front of his friend.

The whole time he was walking in circles around his neighborhood, Haechan can’t stop thinking about you and Jeno. Even hating the universe more for making him and Jeno like the same girl. Fuck, he murmured frustratingly until he came to a thought that maybe life brought you to Haechan’s life so he could finally give something back to his best friend.

Maybe he’s doing the right thing by letting you and Jeno get to know each other.

“You’re a fool,” his sister teases him while he watches her brush her teeth. Haechan just snorted and let out a small laugh knowing that his little sister is smart and that she’s growing up wise.

“But when you grow old you can’t just commit to something or someone if you know to yourself that you can’t. Be honest,” he kisses her sister good night and tucked her to bed. Wishing for her sister to grow up strong and smart, and not like him.

///

After a few weeks of seeing Jeno and going out on dates with him, you force yourself to think that what happened between you and Haechan is just a one time thing. That you were just horny teenagers that night who both had a bad day that’s why you thought it was something special.

It’s not that you’re using Jeno to forget Haechan, but Jeno is the one making his moves and trying so hard to impress you. He’s almost as nice as Haechan you thought. Maybe that’s why they’re best friends, and maybe that’s why now you look forward to seeing Jeno every day because you see Haechan in him.

Until one night, you and Jeno had a rather hot night that leads you two to his bed. Sex with Jeno is rough and fast and to be honest you forgot how many condoms he used because the sex was that good. And in that very moment, you realized that the only difference between Jeno and Haechan is the way they fuck. Jeno made you forget Haechan whenever you two are in bed and that made you want Jeno to fuck you more each day.

But Jeno is a natural sweetheart, a lover boy who shows you that he is a great man and a good person. “I know we fuck too much and it's obvious that something is bothering you” he says, hugging you closely while you’re on top of him after a very good car sex. “You can tell me, you know?” he added but you just shook your head no. “Okay okay, I understand. I love you. Whatever you’re going through or whatever that’s bothering you, continue to lean on me. Use me if you must,”

And right then and there, you decided to return the love Jeno is giving you.

It was not easy but it was worth it. Jeno loved you so much, more than you could ever imagine. You spend your senior year together, made memories each day, have good sex after school or during weekends, be the life of the party together, and meet each other’s family.

“Are you happy with me?” he whispers behind your ear while he hugs you from behind.

“What kind of question is that?” you said, turning around to meet his eyes and rake his hair away from his face. Not giving a fuck about the people watching you two flirt in the middle of a crowded place with drunk teenagers.

“Just a question. My way of checking if I’m still a good boyfriend” he admitted shyly. You rolled your eyes and came closer to him, planting a soft kiss on his lips which soon became heated and his hands roamed freely around your body.

“Mhmm. I'm happy, I love you” you whisper and you mean it.

“I love you too” he smiles and continues the kiss.

And while you two are in your own private world minding your business, Haechan watches from afar with a beer in his hand. Jealous, but not mad. Happy, but for you and his best friend. You deserve each other, he thought.

So as you and Jeno make your relationship strong and pour all your love on each other, Haechan became even more hardworking, focused more on his studies, and looking for more jobs to save more money. It was his way of forgetting you.

During a party that Jeno threw in his house, everything was intensely wild and everyone got drunk during the party, except Haechan because he was late due to his shift from one of his part-time job.

He saw you laughing with your friends near the poolside. You look beautiful tonight, as always. And at the same time, you look drunk already and all he wanted to do is take care of you but that’s not his job.

“Great that you’re here man, ugh. I’m so drunk” Jeno whines, almost about to throw but he’s still in control. “Here. Promised her dad I’d bring her home, but obviously, I can’t now. I can’t drive while I’m like this, knowing that she’s in the car with me. Too risky. Please dude, thank you”

And just like that, the responsibility and the power to take care of you is passed unto him.

“Baby, Haechan will bring you home- I can’t drive” Jeno admitted to you. Giving you his jacket before he walks you towards his car.

“W-what? Let me stay then, I’ll take care of you. Then you can drive me home when you’re sober” you said but your boyfriend said no and told you you’re as drunk as him. So you didn’t have a choice but to go inside the car with Haechan. He watched you two kiss goodbye and say your I love yous with each other before he drives away and takes you home.

The drive was silent. You didn’t dare to open your mouth and ask how he’s been, he didn’t dare to open his mouth and tell you that you’re beautiful. And it stayed like this until he reaches your house and parked in front of it.

“Do you remember the night that you walked me home?” you started, and you think it’s the alcohol that's talking. Haechan just nods and lets out a heavy sigh. “I wish it never happened. I wish I didn’t flirt back then and went back inside that bar instead of asking you to take me somewhere quiet” you admitted, feeling your heart break but you can finally breathe better now that you told him what you really feel. But deep inside you didn’t mean it. You’re just saying that because you’re still mad at him for denying you.

He unbuckles his seatbelt and reached for you, shamelessly hugging you, and placed a sweet kiss on your temple. You feel his tears and that made you hug him back. Staining his shirt with your tears that you kept for months.

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you what Jeno can give you. My life is a mess, I’m a trash and you deserve someone better. Someone who can take care of you, I can’t” he hugged you a little bit tighter to let you know that he’s sincere. And after a few minutes of silence, he explained his part to you and you listened attentively not because he owes you an explanation but because you miss his voice.

“When I was new here, bullies just won't stop teasing me, then Jeno became my friend and suddenly they all stopped. Jeno didn’t mind if I’m poor, he just wanted a brother and found it in me. That’s why whenever I’m in need he’s always to the rescue, my books, my mother’s job, this Rolex watch that I only use whenever I need it at work. I remember he gave this to me because he didn’t want to give me cash because he was afraid that will make me feel small. So instead he gave me this watch and expected me to pawn it. But I can’t because it’s like a token of our friendship”

“I get it. Bro code” you said calmly and watch him nod. “But who are you to tell me who to love. My heart still belongs to you when Jeno was courting me, I think about you when he kisses me-“

“Do you still feel the same way?” he blurted out, looking at your lips and thinking of kissing it one last time before you have your closure. But he won't.

“I love Jeno but you still have this great effect on me, you still have my heart” you admitted.

“I’m sure you understand me now. Why I don’t want to hurt my friend” you nod because you do understand him, you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend either, “He’s an angel” Haechan added.

When Haechan left and drove away, you feel like he took your heart away with him. Like that one specific night you had sex with him and you didn’t want him to go. You know what you said. You don’t want to hurt Jeno and you do love him, but what can you do? Your heart still belongs to Haechan.

After that understanding with Haechan, you suddenly became cold towards Jeno and all you could think about is Haechan. Obviously, Jeno can see right through you. He knows you, whenever something troubles you, you will keep it to yourself and you won’t tell it to him. So he made a way to cheer you up, but it ended up annoying you.

He invited you to his house to have a sleepover and movie night with him. The thing is, Jeno knew you love having sex with him so the moment you two are alone in his room with all the lights off and only his big flat-screen TV is on, he tried putting you in the mood and became way too touchy.

“Stop” you whine as Jeno starts kissing your neck while his hands roam free around your body. It feels good you can’t lie, but you’re not in the mood so you pushed him a little too hard which made him even more frustrated.

“What did I do wrong? I wish you could open up to me more, Y/n” he gets up from his bed and gave you space. “You’ve been like that for days and days already, I don’t know if I did something wrong. Baby, just tell me. I’ll fix it,”

And there it is. Your very reason why you loved him “Why do you have to be so nice?” you murmur and sat beside him. You knew that this isn’t the right time to tell him about Haechan, but he asked what's bothering you so you’re going to tell him the truth and do the right thing. Bravely, you told him every inch of your feelings, the truth about you and Haechan, and hopes that he will not get mad at you or his friend.

He listened. While Holding your hand. Close to tears but he won’t cry in front of you. Not yet. But now that he knows the truth about you and his best friend, he felt like he stole you from him.

“Don’t be mad at him, he just feels obligated to give back to all the kindness you have done to him and his family” you wait for his reaction. You expect him to get mad or throw a fit but all he did was kiss your knuckles, hold them tightly, and kept you close while he can.

“So what now? Do you need time? Space even? It hurts like hell, I must admit but I can’t force you to stay” he says, with tears in his eyes and trying so hard to look strong.

“I need space from the both of you, choosing is not easy. I don’t want to hurt you in the future Jeno” you said.

“I can’t force you to stay, but I can beg right? I love you-“ He cups your face and leaves too many kisses on your lips, saying he loves you over and over again, begging you to please choose him.

“I’m sorry Jeno, please don’t beg. You don’t deserve this,” you made him stop begging and pull him into a tight hug. Inviting him to come to bed with you and savor this night together while you can because, on the next day, you will leave him.

///

When you broke up with Jeno and focused all your energy on school, you walk almost every day from school to your house just so you can sort out your thoughts.

Jeno stopped begging you to come back after a few months and got himself a new girlfriend while Haechan… well, he’s doing his best with avoiding you. Still, breaking up with Jeno is a wise decision because now it’s clear that you don’t love him like how you love and long for Haechan.

“Fuck” you curse at the rain for pouring out of nowhere and you have no choice but to enter the store that Haechan is looking after. Just like the rain, you came out of nowhere and shock him. But shocking him and ruining his peace was not your intention, you’re just waiting for the rain to stop so you can go and walk again.

Shivering because of the store’s air conditioning, you hug yourself to keep yourself warm in every way you can but it’s not enough. You tried going out again but the rain kept pouring and it started to rain hard again when you tried and open the door. But then you heard the sound of the air conditioning being turned off, and Haechan is behind you holding the remote and some extra clothes.

“You’ll get sick if you stay wet. Here-“ he awkwardly hands you an extra shirt and his hoodie, “You can change back there. There’s no one else in this store except me,” he says and points at the door for the staff room. Of course you accepted his offer and you’re happy that he still cares.

When you got back, you saw him preparing you a hot drink and made you sit on one of the vacant chairs. “How are you?” he asks, stirring the drink and puts it in front of you carefully.

“I’ve been well, thank you for asking. How about you? How's your sister?”

“I’m doing good too. And my sister is fine”

And after that, an awkward silence made you both giggle and feel shy about being alone in this cold store. But not for long. Haechan initiated the conversation and made small talk with you. If he’s being honest right now, he doesn’t want you to shut up. He wanted you to talk and talk freely without being shy… like that first night you spend together.

When the rain stopped, he walked you home again and you both enjoyed the cool breeze and wet street. Admiring the calmness that the rain brought. “Why did you avoid me? After me and Jeno broke up?” you asked calmly.

“I know we learned the hard way and we’ve been through some stuff” he came closer and put strands of your hair behind your ear, “I’ve been helping myself to be better for you so this time I won’t fuck us up, and I wasn’t avoiding you. I’m giving you time to heal” he smiles and looked into your eyes deeply.

“Can we start again?” he finally blurted out. “This is my final attempt on keeping you, and… I just want to fight for you this time”

The rain was a blessing after all. You don’t know if the rain was a sign of starting over again but you’re glad that you decided to walk today and got soaked in the rain and did not have a choice but to enter that convenience store. But you’re happy that the rain brought you back together, so you hugged him tightly as your answer and warned him with all your might.

“If I wake up tomorrow and you deny me again, I swear Lee Haechan-“

And just like that, he cuts you off with a kiss, an act of promise so you won’t need to worry for the next day. “My sister will kill me if I let go of you again” he giggles and continue kissing you.

Who would have thought that you need only the rain for you and Haechan to get back together? Because after that night, he kept his promise to you. He never left your side and you never left his. Life wasn’t easy for him still, but you made sure you stayed with him through thick and thin.

Even though Haechan can’t bring you to expensive dates or movie dates, being with him while he’s working at the convenience store is more than enough for you. “I love my job. I can earn money while having a study date with you in this cold store” he says, kissing your temple while you’re busy reading and studying beside him.

Your remaining high school days were full of him and you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

After graduation, you and Haechan planned on living together even though you’re both going to different schools, thankfully your schools aren’t that far from each other. Living together is not easy, your parents warned you. But Haechan made it easy for you because he loves you so much. Nonetheless, you would still choose a hard life with and just so you could be together the moment you open your eyes in the morning until you close them to end your day at night.

“It's you and me from now on, Y/n” he whispers beside your ear, hugging you from behind so tightly like you’re going somewhere and finally kiss you good night.

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spockandawe · 3 years

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Hello! While I know this point must have already been talked about a lot in the fandom but since I have only recently read tgcf, I don't know much. I came across threads on where people talked about Hua Cheng being obsessive and toxic, with his existence being centered around Xie Lian and hence not having a grounding personality and life of his own + the scene of Ten Thousand Gods Cave.

Since I have been reading your metas, I was curious about your thoughts on this? Thank you!

Sure thing! Apologies for the slow response, this whole thing with my back has been really disrupting everything I want to accomplish. Now, I think that Hua Cheng is obsessive in a way that could easily become toxic, but calling him obsessive+toxic relies on only a shallow reading of the character and limiting yourself to the point where he is at the very start of the story, ignoring all the character/relationship development that happens over the course of a very long book.

Now, when it comes to the flashback books? Hua Cheng can have a little obsession, as a treat. I’m not going to say that the way he feels back then is any kind of basis for a healthy adult relationship, but Hua Cheng is approximately ages 10-17 over the course of book 2, and isn’t much “older” after his death as the ghost fire and as Wuming in book 4. He’s not relating to Xie Lian in a way that’s going to lead to a relationship of equals at that point, but he’s also a kid who’s worshiping a god who saved his life at a young age, twice, and who comforted and reassured him when their kingdom’s guoshi told him that he was doomed to bring misfortune to everyone in his life. All of their interactions in book 2 are extremely good reasons for why Hua Cheng would idolize him and obsess over him in that way, and I’m not going to fault him for any of it.

Now, I would say that the end of book 4 illustrates how badly that kind of idolization can go better than anything set in the present day, but it’s telling that this is also the point where Xie Lian abruptly realizes how much he doesn’t want to be Like This, and hauls his life around. Even eight hundred years later, he’s more ashamed to speak of this part of his life than anything else. He’s way more willing to laugh at his own pain and suffering than he is to even mention a time where he was cold and controlling with someone who offered themself to him.

SO. In the present, Xie Lian has a very good reason to know that he does not want to take advantage of someone else’s offered devotion. It’s an old memory, but when we see how much he doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s clear that it made an impression. If the direction of this book was only up to Hua Cheng? He’s already made it abundantly clear that he’s willing to sacrifice his everything, including his sense of self, if Xie Lian asks, but Xie Lian has confirmed very strongly to himself that this is not what Xie Lian wants.

And Xie Lian is walking a very fine emotional line in a lot of ways that he himself isn’t even fully aware of, but the early development in the book has this really interesting balance in the dynamic between him and Hua Cheng. He’s happy to rely on Hua Cheng for advice and help, but he’s also completely willing to worry for him (when he jumps into the sinner’s pit) and to gently scold him (when he jumps into the sinner’s pit). Hua Cheng worries about what will happen if Xie Lian finds out who he really is, but Xie Lian pretty much confirms it to himself, and when Hua Cheng is finally anxious enough to ask about it, Xie Lian’s main reaction is ‘isn’t the important thing that I like you as a person?’

If Hua Cheng was left to his own devices, he’d obsess over Xie Lian in a way that let himself suborn his entire identity to whatever Xie Lian wants from him, but Xie Lian has been so horribly lonely for so long, and even before a relationship enters the picture, what Xie Lian wants is a friend. And Xie Lian, on his own, is determined not to let himself take advantage of a person the way he took advantage of Wuming. And no matter how much Hua Cheng wants to submit himself to Xie Lian, what’s more important to him is what Xie Lian wants. The meta that’s been doing good circulation that I bet you saw was about how Hua Cheng developed his own independent sense of self over the last eight hundred years, no matter what he’d originally wanted, but as he gets to know Xie Lian in the present, Xie Lian makes it clear that Xie Lian likes who he became.

Hua Cheng does still definitely take the position that ‘whatever Xie Lian wants is more important than what I want’, and that could go badly in so many ways, but from the very beginning, Xie Lian is firmly, firmly expressing, ‘I like who you are and I want to be friends.’ Xie Lian doesn’t scold Hua Cheng for being a dick to Fu Yao and Nan Feng, or for breaking heavenly artifacts, even one that used to be one of his own treasured possessions. He scolds Hua Cheng because ‘you jumped down into that pit and I was afraid you would be hurt.’ He doesn’t try to sand off Hua Cheng’s sharp edges or change him, and isn’t willing to sit back and relax as Hua Cheng puts himself in harm’s way. He doesn’t give Hua Cheng room to make himself a less-than, and (probably unintentionally) positively reinforces Hua Cheng when he lets bits of his own true personality show through. One of the reasons I love this book so much is because that relationship could have so easily turned toxic and controlling, but the main pair like each other so much that they manage to pull through into a healthy, balanced relationship.

It’s not a perfect relationship, because perfect relationships are boring and unrealistic, and there’s no tension in a story if two characters are perfectly in step. But by the end of the story, this is a more perfect relationship than I’d ever expected to be invested in, because they’re so in sync, haha.

I think the moments that show the ways it’s not obsessive in a toxic way best come through in the times when Hua Cheng has some sort of grudge against a person that Xie Lian genuinely cares for. It starts with the shitty teens in the Banyue arc, but even near the story end, Mei Nianqing is Xie Lian’s old beloved teacher, and is also the person who told Hua Cheng ‘wow! you’re destined to fuck over everyone who ever gets close to you’ when Hua Cheng was just a little kid. It’s clear that Xie Lian likes and respects him a lot, and Hua Cheng feels not at all compelled to play nice. He’s happy to continue being nasty as hell to Feng Xin and Mu Qing, who are Xie Lian’s next two closest friends. He’s not even willing to be nice to E’Ming even as 1) Xie Lian pampers it, and 2) E’Ming is literally a part of himself.

And he doesn’t hide this at all. He’s willing to act in ways not at all aligned with Xie Lian’s own opinions, especially as time goes on and Xie Lian doesn’t correct him. He’s willing to act against Xie Lian’s wishes in order to protect him (taking back his spiritual energy in the black water arc, overexerting himself to the point of dissipation at the climax), and it becomes more clear as the story progresses that he’s a person who wants only the best for Xie Lian, but who exists independently from Xie Lian, and isn’t willing to completely defer to Xie Lian’s desires or to override Xie Lian’s desires for what he thinks is best. To me, this relationship is primarily defined by how much the two of them like each other, and especially early on, I could see it easily tipping in an unhealthy direction, but it feels like most of the later relationship development specifically exists to undermine that particular flavor of toxic dynamic, and what we end up with is a very sweet, very balanced relationship. Hua Cheng’s willingness to submit himself to what Xie Lian wants is overridden by Xie Lian’s desire that Hua Cheng be himself, because that’s the person who Xie Lian loves.

#spock replies #tgcf #long post/#hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #i hope this is coherent my back is really undermining my words more than it's messing with anything else ;u;#Anonymous

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