#it gives me gay unholy thoughts

[notsosecretlyalesbian]

Elizabeth Marvel as Rita Calhoun in Law and Order: SVU | 17×12: A Misunderstanding

#rita calhoun #elizabeth marvel #law and order svu #svu #svuedit #svugifs #lawandorderedit #tvedit #law and order: svu #svu s17 #I like it when they lick their lips #giffing it is my specialty tbh #also MA'AM that hand is downright sinful #it gives me gay unholy thoughts #also i'm once again thanking all of you for the 500+ followers #i'll try and keep a more regular posting schedule #now that my hyperfixation with Melissa is *less bad* i can go back to my other lovely lovely milfs #my gifs #notsosecretlyalesbian

[softshrimpy]

How To Woo A Hot Principal

Chapter 5: Step 5: Wine and Dine

Summary: Working at the weathervane was exactly what you needed. The routine, the people, your co-workers. It certainly helped that a certain tall, blonde, fucking gorgeous woman happened to frequent the cafe. Now some may call hopelessly flirting with your customers inappropriate behavior.

But truly, when it came to Larissa Weems, who could blame you?

Buckle up besties things are gettin hotter. Also thicc thanks to the bestie @misssmephisto and all the gay ideas she has shared with me. This fic would succ without her🦐✨

Tags: @variant-2402 @the-bagel24 @eveymay @kimiinou @muffintopxs

(pls let me know if I missed you I'm a forgetful shrimp)

Chapter 4

Cross Posted on AO3 here

HTWAHP Masterlist

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“She’s taking you on a date?!”

“It’s not a date James,” you sigh, cleaning the table tops.

“You’re going out for dinner in Burlington and you don’t think it’s a date?”

“You’re the one who said she’s out of my league!”

“That was before she invited you to dinner! Plus, she is still out of your league, but maybe you have some charm hidden under there.”

Externally? You were calm, cool as a cucumber, as the kids say. Internally? You’d been panicking since she’d asked you yesterday morning and could barely think any other words than “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

She had asked you so casually. You had brought her her morning coffee, you’d been telling her about one of the locals that had caused a scene in the cafe when she sprung the question on you.

“What would you say to dinner tomorrow night?”

“What?” You had eloquently uttered.

“You said I should take time off. So what would you say to dinner tomorrow night?” She asked, taking off her glasses and fidgeting with them.

“I- where uh where would we go?”

“I know a rather nice place in Burlington. If you’d rather not I completely understand-“

“I’d love to go to dinner with you.”

She had finally looked up at you at that. She seemed shocked at first but then her shock dissolved and she flashed you the brightest smile you had ever seen. You swore at that moment you would do whatever it took to make her smile like that all the time.

So now you were standing in your room, staring intently into your closet trying to find something to wear. You have no idea what kind of restaurant it is nor what Larissa is wearing. You do know however that you have an hour to get your shit together. You eventually settle on one of your fancier outfits. You put on some makeup and end up arriving at Nevermore 5 minutes early.

You exit your car and end up halfway to the entrance when it opens. You stop dead in your tracks and fight to keep your jaw off the ground when you see Larissa.

Oh my god, she was wearing pants. PANTS.

You were almost certainly dead and had somehow made it into the good place. Larissa Weems was standing there wearing the most flattering pants you’d ever seen on a woman. She had paired it with a cute turtle neck that she had rolled up the sleeves of and seeing her bare forearms was giving you unholy thoughts.

God, you were gay. You were gayer than gay. The gayest around. Fuck this woman was making it hard not to kiss her senseless.

“Hello darling.” She all but fucking purrs, looking you over.

“Uh, I- uhm you. Hi.”

“Are you ready to go?”

You nod dumbly, following her as she leads you to the car. You do shamelessly stare at her ass as you follow her and find yourself blushing and thanking her when she opens your door for you.

When you arrive at the restaurant Larissa, ever the gentlewoman, gets out and opens your door for you. And then, as if you weren’t already swooning, she leads you inside with a hand on the small of your back. You genuinely think you’ve died and ended up in heaven.

“You look absolutely ravishing tonight darling.” She murmurs, pulling out your chair for you.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” you joke, “but really you look so- you just- You look amazing.”

“Thank you darling,” she murmurs, blushing as she sits down.

You look around, taking in the fanciness of the place. The whole place screams way out of your budget. Larissa must notice you starting to get nervous because she reaches across the small table and grabs your hand, sending you a bright smile.

“Order whatever you like sweetheart. It’s on me.” She comments, looking over the menu.

“I- you don’t have to-“

“I know. I want to. So don’t worry about it.”

“I-I don’t even know what to order. I’ve never been to a place as fancy as this before.” You murmur, looking over the menu.

“The steak here is pretty good. And they have a wine that goes really well with it.”

“Oh yeah? So you bring many baristas out here then?” You smirk, dropping the menu.

“Oh yes. I wine and dine every pretty young lady I come across.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

You’re interrupted by the waiter coming to take your orders. Larissa orders for both of you, and the waiter leaves. She then clears her throat and turns her attention back to you.

“So where did you come from? Before you moved to Jericho I mean.” She asked.

“Well, I actually grew up in a small town similar to Jericho. And you know, being a small-town kid all I wanted was to live in the city with all the different kinds of people and that stuff. So I went, and I- it didn’t work out. Rent was fucking expensive and I ended up working two jobs to cover it which just made me depressed and anxious. And it didn’t help that I was already not the healthiest adult out there what with my bouts of weakness and fainting episodes. So after a couple of months and basically a mental breakdown I decided to move here. I would’ve gone back home but I…I just didn’t want to go back to the same people I had grown up with and their disappointment and judgement.”

Larissa gapes at you and you realize you’ve just… let that all out. You start to apologize when she grabs your hand again.

“I’m so sorry you went through that,” She murmurs, “but I’m glad you’re here and I- I do hope Jericho is better for you, I- you deserve to be happy.”

“Well, how could I not be happy when I got to meet a literal goddess among mortals.” You flirt, attempting to lighten the mood.

She blushes at that humming and looks away. The rest of dinner is less exciting but just as wonderful. Larissa tells you about some shenanigans the students have been up to and a little bit more about her time at Nevermore as a student. You talk for hours, she questions your choice in steak (you have it as rare as possible and she finds it interesting.)

You could talk to her forever. And you’re sure you would have, had the restaurant not had a closing time of 10. The two of you apologize to the waiter for staying so long and make your way back to the school.

You arrive back at Nevermore a little while later. You both get out of the car and stop outside Nevermore’s entrance.

“Thank you for inviting me Larissa I-I really enjoyed tonight.” You smile.

“Thank you for accompanying me, I can’t remember the last time I’ve had so much fun.”

“It was my pleasure.”

The two of you stand there for a moment before you both speak.

“I really don’t with tonight to-“

“I was wondering if you’d like to-“

You both flush and you gesture for Larissa to speak first.

“I was wondering if you’d like to come in for a drink?” She asks.

“Yes!” You reply, a little too enthusiastically, so you try again. “Ahem. I mean. Yeah, that sounds neat.”

She chuckles at your antics and leads you inside. As you’re following her to presumably her quarters you can’t help but think that all of this really does seem like a date. The dinner? Rather romantic if you’re honest with yourself. And now? Going back to her rooms to have a drink? That’s definitely slightly fruity.

You realize, upon arriving at her office, that Larissa’s rooms are attached to her office. Which is both handy and baffling considering you’ve been in her office almost every day for the last few weeks and somehow missed the door leading to them. She asks you to take a seat on her comfy couch while she fetches the wine and the glasses.

You sit, suddenly having the thought that if this is a date then you’re woefully unprepared for the Larissa Weems to be romantically interested in you. However, you argue, this could just be her wanting company and you are a pretty good friend. So there’s no need to jump to crazy conclusions like the sexiest woman on earth being interested in you.

“Darling? Are you alright?” Larissa asks, suddenly in front of you with two glasses in hand.

“Huh? I mean yes? Sorry, I just zoned out a bit there.” You blush.

“I do often wonder what goes on in that pretty little head of yours.” She hums.

Christ is she flirting with you??

“It’s not really that interesting truly, a lot of memes or silly songs on repeat more often than not.”

She laughs at that and the two of you settle back into comfortable conversation. About an hour goes by before you finally muster up the confidence to ask the question that’s been on your mind since you arrived.

“Larissa…”

“Yes, dear?” She hums.

She’s sitting next to you on the couch, her heels off and feet tucked beneath her. She’s leaning against the back of the sofa, one hand propped under her head and the other holding her only half-empty glass. She looks so…domestic. It makes your heart flutter in your chest.

“I was just wondering. And I mean I may be really wrong and if I am we can just forget I even opened my big mouth. Maybe I shouldn’t even be asking this. I really don’t want to ruin things between us because you’re like the best person ever but-“

She moves her hand to your thigh, sitting up a bit straighter (and subsequently closer to you somehow). Your eyes dart to her hand as it squeezes your thigh and now your throat is dryer than the Sahara but your underwear will definitely be the opposite.

“What is it you want to ask darling?” She purrs, again ruining your underwear further.

“I uh. This dinner thing. Was it…was this a date?” You finally manage, bracing yourself for the worst.

For a solid moment Larissa just stares at you, her eyes wide. You’re certain it’s the longest moment of your life, and in it you contemplate throwing yourself out the nearest window. You’re about to start back tracking and apologize when she laughs.

And truly, you love her laugh, but right now you can’t help but think she’s laughing at the idea of her being interested in you in that way. You don’t blame her but it makes your heart clench and you look away, doing your best not to burst into tears.

“It was stupid. I’ll just go-“

“Darling-“ she smiles.

“It’s okay! It was silly of me to think someone like you would even like someone like me like that, I know. I’ll just go and we can forget-“

“Darling.” She stops you, still smiling but much more serious. “I’m not laughing because I think it’s silly.”

You hum at that, still not meeting her eyes. She grabs your chin then, forcing you to look at her.

“I was laughing,” she starts, leaning closer to you and whispering, “because I thought I had been rather obvious.”

“Obvious?” You whisper back, still confused.

“I have been flirting with you for quite some time now sweetheart.” She hums.

“Oh.”

Oh.

OH.

“So you- you’ve been…with me? You like me?”

“Very much so.”

“Wow.”

You sit there, taking it all in, taking her in. You then, much to your utter horror, let out the most girlish giggle you have ever giggled. You want to be mortified but she beams at you, her teeth showing and all thoughts exit your head.

She cups your cheek, her thumb brushing over your lip. You part your lips as you do your darndest to breathe. You glance down at her lips, watching as her tongue pokes out to lick them. When you look back at her eyes they’re darker than you’ve ever seen them, her pupils blown.

“I’d very much like to kiss you now, if that’s alright.” She whispers.

“Please.” You whisper back, desperate.

She closes the gap, her soft lips brushing against your own. It’s short and sweet and gentle and everything you’ve ever dreamed of. And then she’s pulling you into her lap and she’s kissing you again except this time it’s needy and desperate and very hot.

Your head is empty aside from the sensation of her lips against hers and the feeling of her body beneath your hands. She runs her hand down your back, palming at your ass and you barely suppress a moan at the feeling. Somehow you manage one coherent thought as you sit there, straddling her lap and kissing her.

Larissa Weems will be the death of you.

#HTWAHP #larissa weems x reader #larissa x you #principal weems #larissa weems #wednesday #principal weems x reader

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Omg what about cowboy male reader having a gay panic moment when he sees this very handsome man and his brain just goes like " I want that gentleman to do unholy things to me-"

Warnings: gay panic, some unsavoury thoughts - like one

Taglist: @xweirdo101xo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannell @pendragon-writes @migwaynee @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-messs @1s3v3n11 @oddmiless @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies

"This is Officer Carter," Sheriff Johnson introduced, "He's currently the lead on this case,"

"I hope you don't mind us lending a hand," Hotch said as he shook hands with Carter. Carter was a tall man, towering over even you by a few inches, his shoulders were broad. He was clearly well built - if his tight-fitting shirt was anything to go by.

'I want that gentleman to do some unholy things to me-' You snap yourself out of your thoughts as you tune back into the conversation.

"Not at all," A strange feeling flooded your stomach, a light, almost bubbly feeling as he spoke. His voice was smooth and deep and damn. "It's a pleasure to meet you all,"

"Our cowboy here would say 'y'all'," Morgan grins, you roll your eyes.

"Cowboy?" He asks, turning to you. You resist the urge to furrow your eyebrows as your stomach flutters when he looks at you.

"Texas," You say with a shrug and Carter nods slightly.

"Follow me, I'll show you where you can set up," He says, turning his attention back to the whole team.

You looked around at your teammates, seeing that they were all currently staring down at their files, desperately trying to see something new, you let your eyes sneak up. Watching Carter's form through the window as he made himself a coffee in the break room.

"Whatcha looking at?" JJ asked, you snapped your head away from the man, turning to JJ, furrowing your eyebrows.

You knew you liked women. That was very very obvious. Heck, you had developed a massive crush on a co-worker for Pete's sake! Guys had never really appealed to you (until today, it would seem). So what on earth was going on?

"Er... Nothin'," You give her a quick smile before you turn back to the board.

Eventually, Hotch called it a night, giving you all strict instructions to get some sleep. And so, here you were, laying in bed, wide awake in the dark (you didn't want to wake Morgan up), mind racing. Were you gay? But you liked women. Was it just women you liked? Because your mind was going a mile a minute picturing the scenarios with Officer Carter. You had never really thought about a guy like that.

You huffed, rolling over. This was just too complicated for you to deal with right now. You sighed, rolling back onto your back, staring at the ceiling. This was bullshit. Surely, if you were gay, you would have figured it out by now? Maybe you were just a little bit gay? Or just gay today? Was that a thing? That didn't sound like a thing. You huffed once more, trying not to groan in annoyance.

The hours passed agonisingly slow, but, eventually, it was morning.

"You okay?" JJ asked, frowning as she saw the dark circles under your eyes. "You don't look like you slept,"

"I sort of didn't," You mumble, rubbing your eyes quickly before blinking - in a vain attempt at waking yourself up. Seeing JJ's questioning look, you gave a small shrug, "Just couldn't get comfy,"

You force the thoughts to the back of your mind as they tried to resurface. All you had to do was get through this case. Then you could pretend it never happened. Yeah. Let's do that. The sounded easy.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #emily prentiss #david rossi #jennifer jareau #x cowboy reader #bau x cowboy reader #cowboy reader #x reader #x male reader #male reader #male!reader

[helloslytherinstuff]

FORMER BEST FRIEND

Being the best friend of the Nevermore’s tortured artist was not easy. Especially when you were in love with him. That was sadly her case.

She was desperately in love with her best friend. She was desperately in love with someone who would never love her back. Definitely not after Wednesday Addams’s arrival to the academy. Ever since the girl stepped through Nevermore’s threshold, Xavier was obsessed with her. In turn, Y/N was pushed aside, viewing her best friend’s life from the side-lines, as he completely neglected her.

It had been mere days since the stand-off against Crackstone, since Wednesday accused him of being the Hyde. Yet, he still followed her like a love-sick puppy. It was also the first time in weeks they hung out in his shed, the girl sitting in an armchair, reading a book while the boy painted. Y/N could not see the painting he was working on, but she was almost sure it was another one of the black-haired girl.

Y/N wanted to hate her, she really did, but she could not help but admire Wednesday Addams. What she could not understand was how Xavier missed just how gay she was for Enid.

The girl sighed, closing her book as she cast a look at Xavier. The boy seemed to be completely emersed in his painting, eyes shining as a piece of hair fell over his eyes, slipping out of what she recognised to be a pink hair tie that previously belonged to her. His hands moved expertly guiding the brush on the canvas. Ahe could vividly imagine them sliding over her body.

The girl shook her head, trying to clear her mind of the unholy thoughts.

“What are you painting, Xavier?” curiosity won over her.

Yet only response she got was a grunt as his brows knitted together, causing the girl to roll her eyes.

“Okay don’t speak to me. Nothing new after all,” she muttered bitterly.

That seemed to catch the boy’s attention as his head snapped up, his eyes meeting the girl’s.

“What do you mean by that?”

“As if you did not know,” the girl scoffed.

“Well, I don’t know Y/N. I am not a mind reader if you haven’t noticed,” he said in a dangerously low tone, lashing out at her.

“I am no mind reader either, yet I look at people’s reactions when we talk. And most importantly I listen. Though both require a conversation to happen first.”

“Look, I cannot spend every waking moment with you.”

“You can spend every waking moment with Wednesday Addams,” she finally let out what was really bothering her.

She saw Xavier roll his eyes, an annoyed expression on his face.

“Can you stop being that clingy? I honestly can’t deal with you anymore. God, you are so fucking annoying,” he continued in the low tone, not raising his voice even the slightest.

His every word acted like a hit in her stomach, as she felt a pang in her chest. Until she could not feel anymore. Her mind and heart went blank at the same time. She felt as if she was floating, observing the situation from above.

“Good to know, Thorpe. You don’t have to speak to me again,” she said her voice sounding foreign even to her own ears. Y/N stood up, taking her book in her hand before stalking to the door, stopping at the threshold. There she turned around giving Xavier one last look, not being able to read his expression.

“You know, I tried. I did, but the thing is you didn’t. Consider this friendship over,” she said before slamming the door behind her.

…

She had been wandering the forest until she came across the clearing. She felt completely numb, unable to cry, unable to do anything else but scream. And so, she did.

She let out a scream, feeling the air rushing past her, leaving havoc in its wake. That did not stop her. She let out another scream. And another. And another.

She screamed until her throat burned and her lungs could not take it anymore. Exhausted she stopped for a minute, not knowing what to do next.

And so she let her legs decide. She stared walking and carried on, until she found herself wandering the streets of Jericho, completely alone.

Y/N swore she was not looking for trouble. Yet it seemed that trouble was looking for her. She was quite close to the café when they approached her.

There were three of them. All normies, all her age. And she did not like the way they were looking at her in the slightest. She clutched the book in her hand tighter, ready to strike like a viper.

“Well, well, well look what the devil brought here,” the biggest of them taunted her.

She gave him a glare, as the leaves rustled, disturbed by an invisible breeze.

“A freak,” the second continued.

“At least they sent us a pretty one,” the last laughed mockingly, taking a step closer, placing his hand on her waist.

The girl, throat still burning from all the screaming, pulled her hand back, and whacked him over head with the thick monstrosity she called a book.

…

She had returned back to Nevermore, with one black eye, bloody nose and bruised knuckles, thanking god everyone was already in bed.

Or so she thought.

Instead of sneaking back into her room, with just Bianca, her roommate seeing her, she was met by the sight of her former best friend. Y/N was tempted to turn on her heel and walk away but was not fast enough. Bianca had already seen her, and a panicked expression took over her face.

“Oh my god what happened to you?” Bianca asked rushing to Y/N’s side, as Xavier turned around, his eyes widening, a guilty expression crossing his face before being replaced by pure fury.

“Who did this to you?” he demanded an answer.

‘You did,’ she wanted to scream but could not find her voice. Instead, she pulled her hand back, and landed a hard blow to his face, most probably giving him a matching black eye, before turning around and walking into her room.

Bianca gave Xavier one last dirty look before following her friend to their room. She barely closed the door behind her before she heard a bang, followed by a loud yelp.

Y/N was standing next to the now broken mirror, blood trickling down her right hand.

“Uh oh, he screwed up really bad. What happened?” Bianca asked, fetching water and cloth to clean up the other girl’s hand.

“He…” she started her voice sounding hoarse, tears prickling in her eyes. Drawing in a deep breath, she started again, “He, called me clingy and annoying after I kind of called him out on ghosting me.”

“That bastard. I am going to kill him and anyone else who did this,” Bianca gestured to Y/N’s face and hands.

“Please, don’t,” she whispered as she fought the tears threatening to spill. And they did. The numbness finally gave away, letting the dam break. Bianca would spend that night, and two more, holding her friend, comforting her, cursing Xavier Thorpe’s existence.

…

She awoke on Monday morning to Bianca shaking her. By now, the whole of Nevermore knew about the fight between Y/N and the resident tortured artist. Just the day before Enid and Wednesday came to visit her, the black-haired girl, congratulating her on dealing with the normies. She also offered to kill Xavier if Y/N wanted, Enid acting horrified, but deep down, knowing she would help Wednesday hide his body.

That event alone brought a smile back to the girl’s lips.

“Wear something cute to show him what he’s missing,” Bianca nudged her friend, ducking as the aforementioned girl chucked a pillow in her roommate’s direction.

“I am going, but let the record show, that the only thing that concerns Thorpe, that I truly desire to know is whether he has a black eye.”

“Of course, it is,” Bianca remarked in a matter-of-fact tone before they both burst out laughing.

…

Walking into the botany class she cursed under her breath, seeing the only vacant seat being her usual one. Right next to her former best friend, who to her delight, was indeed sporting a black eye.

Whether she wanted to or not, she took the seat, noticing the boy giving her a small smile. Usually, she would gladly return it. That day, she wanted to give him a look so cold that it would be a wonder if he did not freeze at the spot, instead opting to turn her back to him. Yet, Xavier and his black eye did not seem to take the hint, as minutes later a butterfly landed on her hand.

Something Xavier always did to cheer her up. She let out a scoff before smashing the butterfly, promptly turning it into dust, wondering whether that was his form of apology. If so, he really needed to step up his game.

Y/N tried to focus on the lesson, but it was hard as his eyes burned a hole into her back. An invisible breeze ruffled her notes as she slammed her hand on the desk to keep them from flying away, unknowingly bringing up her injured hand. She let out a tiny yelp as pain shot through the broken skin.

Looking around she tried to make sure no one heard. And no one did. Well, no one except for a certain long-haired boy.

…

For the first time in days, she was left alone without any supervision, and she had to admit she hated it. Without anyone to distract her, she kept thinking back to what Xavier told to her, wondering if he was right.

Lying in her bed, she felt hot tears roll down her face, not trying to stop them. she was wallowing in self-pity when she heard a rustling. She sat up, focusing her gaze on the door. Not wishing to be seen in that state she crossed the room in a few strides, before locking the door. After all, Bianca had her own set of keys.

“Well, I’m glad I did not choose to come through there,’’ a voice came from behind her, causing her to jump up and whirl around.

“How did you… Right,” she thought back to the fact that the boy used to date her roommate and so must have been accustomed to sneaking in.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, now you want to talk?” she said sarcastically, giving him a glare.

“Oh, come on Love don’t…” he started, but was quickly interrupted by a key flying in his direction.

“Don’t call me that ever again.”

Xavier picked up the key, putting it in his pocket and she realised her mistake immediately even without him voicing it.

“Now you don’t have a way out,” he grinned.

“I think I might strangle you,” she said doing a choking motion with her hands.

“Yeah, I certainly deserve that. But I do think the marks would match my black eye quite well,” he joked, coaxing a strangled laugh from the girl.

“I’m glad I can still make you laugh, Love,” he smiled at the girl, who looked like she wanted to strangle herself for a change.

“Very funny Xav… Thorpe,” she quickly corrected herself, turning her back to him, hoping he did not see her façade break.

Instead, an electric shock went through her as Xavier took her hand in his, turning her around.

“Come on Y/N, look at me, please. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me,” the boy pleaded putting one hand on the girl’s waist and the other under her chin.

The girl shifted her eyes down, avoiding looking at his face, feeling guilty for the black eye he was sporting. The truth was, she could never stay mad him before. But tis time? This time he struck a nerve.

She had always felt like she was not good enough for him. Not even in a platonic way, always feeling as if she was annoying him, which he confirmed just a few days ago.

Y/N did not realise that that she started crying again, before Xavier’s hand left her chin, and focused on wiping her tears away.

“Please don’t cry, Love. I’m sorry. I did not want to hurt you,” he repeated over and over.

“It… it’s not that. I, well I… there is…,” her head was spinning from the proximity between the two of them, his hand of her waist emitting heat, taking her ability to think clearly away.

“Oh fuck whatever! The thing is that I love you, Xavier! I always have. Ever since we met. And I don’t mean in a platonic or a brotherly way. Trust me, I have tried to explain my feelings that way. And guess what it did not work! The truth is that I am in love with you. Utterly and completely in…” she was interrupted by Xavier crashing his lips to hers, catching her completely off guard as her eyes widened. Her brain did not completely register what’s happening until after he pulled away.

“Did you just kiss me?” she asked him with disbelief in her eyes.

“No,” he claimed.

“Oh, okay I could have sworn… No, wait you did kiss me!” she said, jabbing a finger into Xavier’s chest as he gave her a shit eating grin.

“And I will gladly do it again,” he said leaning in, “unless you don’t…”

This time it was Y/N’s turn to cut him off. She could feel the boy smile into the kiss as he wrapped his arms tighter around his former best friend.

#xavier thrope imagine #xavier x reader #xavier thrope fanfic #xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader #angst #fluff

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Gives absolutely unholy head; eats pussy as if it could save the condemned. Actually can’t be comfortable getting pleasured herself until she’s gotten her partner off at least once.

Thought Charlie was a very pretty boy at first. First time being openly gay and still gets easily flustered when Charlie propositions her. Very responsive to tickling.

A lot of adorkable potential, but you’ll have to teach him everything, and the first few times are going to be. Hm. Not good.

Careful. She bites.

Has always gotten away with being kinda lazy in the sack because it’s fucking huge.

Considers himself to have ascended/descended to an entirely new level of “fucking people,” far beyond anything you could do with mere body parts.

“If god didn’t want me to be gay, why’d he put a G-Spot in my ass?”

#troglodyte thoughts #free range sustainable shitpost #hazbin hotel #deranged headcanon

[prienova]

I showed my friend, who knows almost nothing about f1 and has absolutely no filter, photos of each driver on the 2022 grid and made her name and give me her first impressions on them and 😭. She just said whatever came into her head at the time, none of this was really thought over :). Everything is under the cut since this is such a long post!

Max Verstappen: William Osbourne

italian or spanish vibes

slightly dark and broody vibes

takes racing very seriously

“He is either super nice or an absolute asshole, or maybe he’s both who knows.”

Sergio Perez: Kristopher

A little lost but everyone loves it

100% has compilations on youtube that are like “kristopher being kristopher for 8 minutes and 23 seconds”

Has spent so long in f1 that everyone is telling him to quit

Very enthusiastic and his fans are very loyal

Charles Leclerc: Alexio 

“Damn he’s fine as hell!”

Hot, sexy, and hardworking

Has so many smutty fanfics written about him but he doesn’t know that they exist

Famous for his dimples and general smolder

Carlos Sainz: Akaash

“Oh my god, is he indian? YES DESI REP!” (She was so exited, I felt bad telling her he is spanish)

Could act in a movie as a fuckboy

Nice enough but might break your heart

Hard to approach but well liked by others

Lewis Hamilton: Joseph (but goes by Joe)

“Why are these guys so hot?”

Very wholesome and doing his best

“He looks like a good driver, I’d let him grip my steering wheel” ;)

Probably posts thirst traps after workouts

George Russell: George (she got one!)

Smiles and laughs but is secretly sad inside

“Is he gay? He feels gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I am too and my senses are tingling.”

Solid driver

After seeing him in his williams era: “Awww, look at his hair, what a gem :)”

Fernando Alonso: Alec La Chance

Old man, people are begging him to retire but he stays out of spite

Has a questionable hairstyle

Can come off as rude and scary but he is just blunt

Has probably hazed the new drivers each year

Esteban Ocon: David

Sweet guy, seems very bubbly and fun to be around, has a cute face

Would hype you up if you were feeling down

“He's that one cousin who you see at family gatherings every 4 years that you get along with super well but never talk to outside of those gatherings as neither of you can seem to make the effort to reach out.” (yes, this is her exact wording 😭)

“Is his hair wet or is that just an unholy amout of hair gel?”

Daniel Ricciardo: Arnesto

Very popular among the guys and gals ;)

Very chill and well liked

“He’s so smiley, I love his teeth!”

Looks like he belongs in FIFA

Lando Norris: Theodore

“How old is this guy? I thought you said they had to be 18 to drive or something.”

Has an “I’m not like other boys” mentality

Probably reads those romance webnovels that all have the exact same plot and cries when he finishes them because he wants to be loved

Says “pog” and “sus” unironically

Valterri Bottas: Scott

“He’s giving me australian vibes.”

Has a nice smile, seems chill and relaxed, very reliable

Not a fan of publicity but deals with it only because he has to

Comes off as tough and intense but is actually a total sweetheart, gives off major dad energy

Zhou Guanyu: Andrew

“Ooooh, I like him. He would bump into me on the way to work, spill my drink, and buy me coffee as an apology.”

A solid dude and a good friend

Seems like a good sport

She spent almost ten minutes drooling over his modeling pictures 💀

Kevin Magnussen: Gordon Ramsay

Has strong father vibes but is unhinged

Head empty, only cars

Has questionable morals but everyone loves him

Stoner energy

“He looks like if someone tried to copy Gordon Ramsay but changed it up a bit so it wasn’t obvious.”

Mick Schumacher: Brad

Very charismatic

“What happened to his hair? Why would he cut it like that?” (I showed her before and after photos of that one haircut)

Very sweet but is also a menace to society

Looks like he would enjoy cherry flavored cough medicine

Pierre Gasly: Chadwick

Very cool and suave, flirts a lot, secretly sad inside

Throws parties often

Would have went into finance if f1 didn’t work out

Has a small but devoted fanbase, extremely underrated driver

“I can’t tell if I would trust him or not.”

Yuki Tsunoda: Benjamin

Very nice, another solid guy

“He has the same hair my brother did when he was 12.”

Can drive an f1 car well but gets too nervous to drive on regular streets because he doesn’t trust himself to not start speeding

“He’s cute, I’d date him.”

Sebastian Vettel: Gandalf

Very nice and wise, pleasant to talk to

Wins a lot, has many fans that thirst over him and his scruffy hair

Could have been a footballer but chose to go into f1 instead

“He has fun uncle energy, I want to smoke a joint with him.”

Lance Stroll: Jacob from Twilight

“THIS GUY’S HAIRCUT IS EVEN WORSE THAN BRAD’S!”

When he got rid of his old hair, his passion for the sport left with it

Sometimes gets intimidated by some of the intense racers

“Someone please tell him to grow his hair back out, it looked so good.”

Alex Albon: Jughead from Archie

Has a good portion of haters for no reason

A bit awkward but very sweet

Pulls off the red hair VERY well

“I want to be his bottle of hairdye.”

Nicholas Latifi: Santander

Is either the best driver currently or very bad

Looks very intuitive and thoughtful

Seems handy and domestically skilled

“I like his hands, do you think he moisturizes?”

I honestly can’t tell which one is my favorite 😭

#formula 1 #f1 #max verstappen #sergio perez #charles leclerc #carlos sainz #lewis hamilton #george russell #fernando alonso #esteban ocon #daniel ricciardo #lando norris #valtteri bottas #zhou guanyu #kevin magnussen #mick schumacher #pierre gasly #yuki tsunoda #sebastian vettel #lance stroll #alex albon #nicholas latifi

[spicybylerpolls]

It is genuinely ASTONISHING to see how many people are against your blog because they believe “it’s bad/weird to fantasize” or they say stuff like, “analyzing is fine. fantasizing is evil.” Actually fantasization is a divine gift, a spiritual experience, one of the best things we can do as humans. And most clearly Bylers agree!

They spend all day fantasizing about Mike and Will holding hands, going on dates, kissing, even ‘making out sloppily’ but the second we on the spicy side say that we want Byler to fuck, people start freaking out. How dare you fantasize?

Stick to analysis, freak.

Can someone please tell me why sex is such a big weird scandalous taboo? Have we gone back in time? Is this an evangelical youth group? Is this Catholic school? Are we Mormons? To fight back, some say, “Oh I’m not fantasizing, I’m just exploring the character dynamics” as if fantasizing will implicate them as some kind of dirty rotten sinner, as if this is some kind of gotcha that will expose fandom nonces.

But I don’t get it. I’m doing both, unapologetically! I’m exploring Byler’s dynamics, just like we do with ever other HC and canon analysis point, AND I’m fantasizing about them fucking like rabbits until the end of time, just like we fantasize about how the Byler kiss will go or how Mike will finally admit his sexuality.

Last time I checked, sex is part of sexuality, it’s literally in the name, and it’s a Divine Gift. Mike and Will are not disembodied beings who only want to hold hands and look at flowers all day. They are gay teenage boys who are sexually ravenous for each other. It’s clear this era of Puriteens didn’t devour Reddie or Stenborough smut under the covers while giggling and kicking their feet. And none of them would have SURVIVED the Harry Potter fandom.

The other side of this are the adult fancops who are siding with the puriteens and constantly trying to cancel Bylers for thinking unholy thoughts. You can only think analytical thoughts while wearing suits and taking cold showers. Meanwhile 65% of the fandom is openly attracted to Finn, and I’m supposed to be gaslit into thinking this doesn’t translate into their experience actually watching the show? I’m supposed to believe they watched him drool over Will’s ass and then said, “No, he didn’t do that”?

“But why aren’t you fantasizing about adult ships like J0pper or JAncy or or or-”

Because I don’t care about them? No offense. I’ve never read J0pper or JAncy fanfic in my life. And this isn’t J0pper Tumblr? It’s Byler Tumblr. I’m a Byler and naturally I want to see my favorite characters rail each other romantically? And it’s very, dare I say, unnatural and unrealistic when you read fanfics and Mike and Will kiss each other and don’t so much as get a boner. One boner?

I’m so tired. It’s utter gobbledegook.

Especially giving the context of what Stranger Things and Byler represents, it’s so obvious that sexual exploration is the natural evolution for these characters in their arcs in Season 5. Self-actualization and an embrace of the queer experience in all its sensuality and beauty.

The shame WILL be on the other side.

yeah, all great points! I think people get overprotective and hyper-vigilant, and they want to make sure they're taking a strong stand against their nebulous, exaggerated, hypothetical image of the shadowy "30-year old creep" getting off to Byler smut in a dark room.

but you're right that all Bylers "fantasize" about many things, even those most vocal in the analyze-only movement. technically all of Byler is "fantasizing," since they aren't together yet and they are fictional. we're all just envisioning scenarios and situations!

for some reason tho, people are chill with people daydreaming about every romantic scenario imaginable and chill with people conjuring up sad, tragic, angsty situations involving Vecna and bullying and pain. but sex? no. sex is shocking, alarming, and frightening.

also, this is definition of fantasize:

there's nothing inherently creepy about that definition. It's neutral.

#byler #spicy byler #no poll

[solarwindswriting]

Unholy

Pairing: Enji Todoroki (Endeavor) x PopStar!Reader

Word Count: 2600+

Summary: Inspired by Unholy By Sam Smith and Kim Petras. As promotion for their newest album, Y/n revealed a mysterious hint at one of the songs true meanings. Enji Todoroki starts to quietly panic at this vague reveal by the young singer. Hawks is all too ready to fan the flames of Pro Hero Endeavor’s insecurities.

Warnings: Playful hitting, alcohol consumption, marriage affair, the use of Mx. (feel free to input whatever preferred)

A/N: Reader is gender neutral! Let me know if you like this story or not. Definitely a new direction in my writing style. Some bold decisions were made on my part. Still suoer not familiar with Endeavor as a love interest so sorry for anything that's OOC.

“Pop Sensation Y/n L/n confirms their new song Unholy is about a Pro Hero who acted as a Sugar Daddy for them, but won’t say who. Could it be one of their classmates from UA? We’ll talk about our predictions after this commercial break,” the tabloid anchor spilled before jumping to a commercial for toothpaste.

They laughed, popping a grape into their mouth. Y/n’s phone was blowing up with their friends’ names as well as the man in question's. The ‘news’ plastered on every tabloid in Japan was the same story and Y/n could almost cackle at how easy it was to rile the feathers of so many people so easily. As if on queue, a red feather whipped around their shared kitchen, tickling Y/n’s nose before finding hawks’ wing again.

“If I knew being your roommate meant being bombarded by paparazzi asking who you’re fucking, I wouldn’t have signed that lease,” Keigo complained, taking a grape from the bag in front of Y/n and leaning with his back to the counter. “I thought I was the one who was supposed to have the interesting sex life.”

“Maybe if…” Y/n started, leaning forward and blocking their bag of grapes from him, “if you left the apartment for something other than hero work, you would.”

Y/n’s phone lit up and started to buzz on the marble countertop. Keigo looks at it and smirks.

“So, when are you going to tell him?” Keigo chuckles, seeing Shoto Todoroki’s contact photo on Y/n’s phone.

“Tell him what?” Y/n asks, silencing the phone and sliding it into their pocket.

“You’re joking, right? That you’re fucking his dad.” Keigo’s voice became more serious the more he spoke, “kid’s like your best friend. I know I’d be pissed if my crush from high school was fucking my dad.”

“Aww, you’d have a crush on me if we went to school together? That’s so sweet. But I thought you were gay?” Y/n chuckles, picking up their bowl of grapes and walking towards the couch.

“Oh, don’t give me that. I’m a bi icon and you know it,” Keigo follows close behind.

“I’m not going to tell him, just like I’m not going to tell the tabloids! I’ll do what I always planned; send a group text to my friends that I made it up for publicity!” Y/n shrugged, sitting down and turning up the tv.

“Why do you even watch these shows? They’re all lies,” Keigo rolls his eyes as he tries to reach around Y/n to steal the remote.

Y/n snatches the remote and sends him a fake glare, “this is how I keep up with my friends from school. I use it as an opener when texting them. ‘Hey, Izuku! Is it true Ochaco is pregnant?’ It works every time.”

“Why can’t you just text ‘hey’?” Keigo questions.

Y/n gives him a look of disgust before speaking, “you want me to start a conversation with just hey? Like some kind of psychopath?”

Y/n’s phone had fallen between the cushions and started to buzz again. Keigo grumbles, digging into the couch and pulling out the phone. He answers it without looking at the screen and before Y/n can snatch it.

“Y/n can’t come to the phone right now, Todoroki. Can I take a message?” Keigo asked irritated.

Keigo’s feathers puff out and his eyes go wide at the deep voice that responds, “please give the phone to Mx. Y/l/n. I have something I must discuss with them.”

Keigo quickly recovers with a smirk, looking Y/n in the eyes as he spoke, “not the Todoroki I thought was calling. What can I do for you on this fine day, Endeavor?”

Y/n began to panic, not knowing how to avoid Enji now. Keigo leaned back on the couch, listening intently to the man on the phone, and getting comfortable. An occasional yeah or mmhm would come from him, but that was all he was telegraphing.

“Yeah, I hear you, Man. Volume isn’t the issue here. The problem is that they aren’t here to even take a phone call. They left their phone in the apartment by accident in their rush out the door. You know how Y/n can be. Always the forgetful one,” Keigo smoothly says, saving Y/n's proverbial ass from having to talk to him before changing the topic. “I noticed you called them a few times. Is there a reason you’re calling one of your son's best friends?”

Y/n’s hand found their mouth as a fearful squeak comes from them. Keigo knew exactly what he was doing. Keigo laughs as he pulls the phone away from his ear and holds the phone out to Y/n. The phone still said call ended for a split second before going black.

“He hung up on me, the dick. He totally knows I know now,” Keigo still chuckled as he turned back towards the tv.

Y/n hit Keigo in the back of the head with their phone.

“What the fuck was that? Don’t pick up my phone if you’re not even going to look at the caller id!” Y/n scolded.

Keigo swore he could see steam shoot from Y/n’s ears. He held out his hand. Y/n slapped the remote into his hand, glaring as they readjusted and faced the tv again.

“Hey, some guy named Enji Todoroki called you. Said something about it being urgent?” Keigo said casually, flipping through channels.

Y/n slapped his arm causing him to laugh and push their shoulder.

“No, but seriously…” Keigo starts. “Does he always do that old person thing where he’s always slightly yelling into the phone? Because he does that to me too, and I gotta know.”

Y/n rolls their eyes, pouting as Keigo starts a movie.

---

“So, Y/n, your secret is safe with me,” the talk show hoost starts, “Who’s the song about?”

Y/n chuckles lightly and they spoke casually, “my secret is safe on live television? You think me a fool.”

“D’awe. You can’t blame a host for trying!” He speaks directly to the camera.

The crowd laughs.

“After this, we bring Pro Hero Hawks out to the couch!” The host says to the camera and applause from the audience.

With applause, the show returns from commercial, and Keigo is bounding from backstage to center, waving at the audience and sending a few tactical winks at a few women. He finally finds his seat next to Y/n after shaking the host’s hand.

“Pro Hero Hawks! How have you been since last we saw you?” The host starts, tapping his notecards on his knee.

“I’ve been good but busy! Climbing the hero charts was easy, staying up there is difficult with all the new hero blood out there,” Keigo laughs, sipping the whiskey from the glass that had been placed for him during the commercial.

“You’re right! Last year's newest heroes from UA High came to the scene with numbers under their belts already! You and Y/n share an apartment, correct? Any of their old UA friends loiter in your apartment?” The host prys.

Keigo and Y/n both know what the host is trying to infer.

Keigo laughs again, “I wish Y/n would bring friends over. I’m beginning to think they don’t actually have any friends. If you’re trying to get me to spill on their secrets, I can give you this: it never happened in the apartment…”

Murmurs wash over the crowd.

Keigo continues with a smirk, “And I do know who it is.”

Y/n is quick to respond with a smile, “I swear, you can’t tell a Pro Hero anything. They can’t keep a secret to save their lives. I told Deku who my first kiss was and he immediately told Uravity who told Pinky who told the rest of our grade by lunch!”

“Oooh, who was this first kiss of yours with?” The host leans forward in curiosity.

“Oh, he’s going to kill me for saying this,” Y/n exhaled before taking a long sip from their glass. Y/n smiled proudly and spoke with confidence, “Pro Hero DynaMight.”

The crowd whoops and hollers at Y/n’s loud whisper. The host is fanning himself with his note cards.

“Now, that’s some juicy gossip! Where you his first kiss too?” The host questions.

“If 17-year-old Katsuki Bakugo is to be believed, then yes,” Y/n chuckles.

“Okay, even I didn’t know this!” Keigo feigns hurt.

---

“I don’t care what kind of relationship you have with them, Endeavor,” Keigo drawls, flying next to Endeavor above the city. “What I care about is how that little fireball weaseled its way into your wallet. I’m trying to learn how they do it so I can scam some old guy too.”

Enji groaned, “don’t you have somewhere better to be, Hawks?”

“Nope! The commission wants to see us interacting friendly with each other out in public. So here I am!” Keigo smirked.

“I would hardly call this friendly,” Enji responds, landing on a nearby rooftop.

Keigo followed suit and continued, “oh, come on. I’m just playing. Stop stressing over it or you’ll do something stupid like tell the press yourself! No one suspects you. The main prediction right now is actually your youngest. So, how much did you give her in that NDA?”

Enji ignored him, taking off back into the sky.

---

“6.7 million??” Keigo gawked at his roommate through the mirror in the bathroom they were sharing.

Y/n looked up from their sink station, “yeah, he also made it clear he wasn’t cutting off our ‘normal meetings.’ The man really talks like an old-timey Sheriff.”

“So,” Keigo starts, taking a flat iron to his hair, styling it just so, “where are you taking me to keep me quiet?”

“Without an apartment, if you tell anyone. Remember, you’re living here for free,” Y/n reminds him, adjusting their own hair for their night out.

“I am unloved,” Keigo sighs loudly, the back of his free hand finding his forehead.

“Don’t be a drama queen. I’ll take you out for dinner next week,” Y/n suggests.

“Careful, they’ll think I’m the one you’re sleeping with,” Keigo counters, laughing while pulling on his jacket and heading toward the front door.

Y/n pretends to throw up at the thought of his comment. They grabbed their own jacket, putting what they’d need into their jean pockets. Y/n’s phone buzzes on the coffee table as the two left the bathroom. The two look at each other before both lunging for the phone. Keigo grabs it and flies off the ground in the high vaulted apartment and out of Y/n’s reach. He unlocks Y/n’s phone and looks at the text.

Keigo laughs while reading it out loud, “‘Are you awake?’ Is this guy for real? Man is married with children and still texting like this? Real catch, this one.”

A phone call from the flame hero came in. Keigo tosses Y/n’s phone down to them. Y/n narrowly catches it and answer’s the call.

“Hello, Mr. Todoroki. How are you doing?” Y/n starts into the phone.

“Oh. Is there someone there? I can call back when they leave. When is that?” Enji’s voice is as stiff as ever as he questions Y/n.

“I’ll actually be busy all night so I can’t talk business. You’re welcome to send an email to my agent. I’m sure she’ll respond at her soonest convenience,” Y/n shifted into a sickenly sweet young professional voice.

Keigo watched as Y/n tried to blow off whatever plans Endeavor was trying to set up. Enji paused for a long time, causing Y/n to believe they lost signal. Keigo laughs, shaking his head and grabbing his keys as he lands.

“Hello? Mr. Todoro-” Y/n was cut off by the man on the phone.

“Who are you with?” Enji interrupts, slight irritation in his voice.

Y/n’s disposition falters and Keigo looks at them confused as to what’s wrong.

“Um, I don’t see how who I am with is of concern to you, Mr. Todoroki.” Y/n speaks carefully, sliding on their shoes by the door.

“Are you going out with my son tonight?” Enji attempts to ask casually.

“Yes, I’m going out with him and a bunch of our friends for my birthday. Did you forget that was today?” Y/n quizzed, raising an eyebrow at Keigo.

The duo leaves the apartment. Keigo struggled to contain his laughter as he locked the apartment door behind them.

“Are any of them with you know? Do they know who you’re speaking to?” He continues to grill.

“No, just Hawks. Why? Do you want to take to him,” Y/n looks over and makes eye contact with Keigo who shakes his head furiously from side to side.

“No, that won’t be necessary. Call me when you are home.” Enji demands.

“I probably won’t be home until the early hours of the nigh-” Y/n was cut off again.

“You heard me,” Enji hung up the phone before they could respond.

Y/n scoffed, shoving their phone in their pocket. Keigo laughed at his close friend.

“He’s down bad. It’s kind of gross,” Keigo quips.

---

The two arrived at the nightclub together. Keigo threw his keys toward the valet boy who caught them easily. They enter the loud club, making their way to the back VIP tables. Paparazzi had been clipping photos since they stepped out of Keigo’s sports car. News of the Y/n’s birthday party spread like wildfire and the club was soon twice as packed with fans hoping to brush shoulders with any of the start-studded guests.

“So!” Miruko yelled over the crowd, gaining the attention of Mina, Y/n, and Denki, “who are you sleeping with?”

“I already told you! I lied about that!” Y/n yelled back.

“Well, we don’t believe you!” Denki laughs, handing each of them another shot.

Y/n laughs, before downing the shot with their friends.

It's nearly 2am when a commotion could be heard across the club and the whole VIP section looks over to see an especially irritated looking Enveavor being swarmed by fans.

“Hey, Shoto! Why’s your dad here? You out past curfew?” Katsuki yells over to Shoto.

“No idea,” Shoto responds at a normal volume, eyebrows stitched together.

Y/n looks from Shoto to his father to find the latter already looking at them. Y/n quickly looks away and pretends like they hadn’t seen him and takes another round of shots, this time with Katsuki and Hawks. Katsuki was standing behind Y/n as the three talked around one of the standing tables, his chin resting on their left shoulder, and his hand resting on their right hip.

---

Endeavor watched Y/n stand and leave to another table and how one of his son's school friends was practically hanging off them. He started to make his way across the club, wading through the thick crowd of people before being stopped in the center of the dance floor by his son.

“Why are you here, Endeavor?” Shoto asks calmly.

Endeavor froze. He hadn’t thought that far. He sudden;y found himself lost in a crowd of people thinking about why exactly he was there. He surely couldn’t say he was here for Y/n. Or that them being surrounded by tons of strangers who could potentially whisk them away scared him. And least of all say any of that to his son.

“There is a mission we have to attend to immediately and you weren’t answering your phone,” Endeavor lied through his teeth.

“I’m too inebriated to work. I will attend to whatever you need of me in the morning.” Shoto bargains.

Endeavor gave a short nod, turning back towards the entrance. For a moment, he pauses at the door, looking over his shoulder to find Y/n’s eyes on him once again. He left without speaking a word to them, but showing up like that was a message enough.

#enji todoroki x reader #Endeavor x reader #mha #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #IT'S HAPPENING #I DID IT #solarwindswriting #pro hero endeavor #enji todoroki

[yeetus-feetus]

mother: what do you mean you don't want kids?

Me: I said I don't want to birth kids.

Mum: why adopt when you've been given the gift of life bearing?

Me: first of all gross. Life bearing? Ew I feel queezy just thinking about something growing inside me that's 🤢. Second why not adopt? There's so so many kids that need loving parents and stable homes.

Mum: yeah but the gays can adopt them.

Me: ??? Are you forgetting I'm gay? I'm bi, mum.

Mum: no no, that's just a silly phase. Bisexual isn't real, you'll meet the right man one day and give me beautiful grandchildren.

Me: again. Gross. I don't want to birth your grandchildren. I already told you the thought of another being literally growing inside me makes my skin crawl. It makes me wanna throw up just thinking about it.

Mum: well I can't understand why. It's literally in your biology-

Me, walking away because this is going nowhere and I've already had this conversation with her 3 times this week:

Hey guys it's actually because I'm trans and I can't tell her that because she'll just gaslight me even harder. I would like biological kids but that's not option for me because I don't have a cock. Otherwise I'd probably already be dad.

Also I'm pretty sure my mum is only saying this to me because her mum forced her to have kids (boomer breeding kinks istg). But I'm not her therapist and I'm not going to unpack that for her. Plus she has an extremely homoerotic friendship with her bestie wich she's still in denial about because she knows she's not a lesbian but still strictly refuses to believe that bisexuality is a real thing.

But I am so tired of having this conversation with her. So so fucking tired. She should just hurry up and go kiss a woman and leave me the fuck alone istg. Like just because she's policing her own queerness doesn't me she should be projecting that onto me.

Also fuck my stupid grandma because all of this is ultimately her fault. Like why was she so obsessed with my mum having kids? Look what that caused, a handful of gay kids with severe daddy issues running around being autistic and depressed. And where is the father? Sticking his dick in anything he can breed.

Why do older people have breeding kinks?? That's actually an important question that I'm very curious about. And why is it so much more prominent in Christian households?? Like I thought sexy was unholy or something?

I'm gonna ask my grandma maybe. I won't get any answers, probably, but she'll definitely look mortified and start praying in tongues or something which will at least be entertaining.

(side note: if I had a dick I'd probably also have a breeding kink but we'll avoiding dissecting that unwelcome inheritance.)

#yeetus rambles #I think this is a rant post #ignore me

[catsvrsdogscatswin]

Binged Nocturne yesterday, so here are my spoilery thoughts on the matter, in no particular order:

Watching this season was certainly an experience. Neither I nor my sibling have any knowledge of the Castlevania games beyond "there's a guy named Alucard who kills his dad multiple(?) times and also Belmonts are the player characters probably," so it's not like we were expecting anything, but there were a lot of "oh wouldn't it be funny if" or "I bet they'll do X" moments BUT THEN THEY ACTUALLY DID. "Why don't we continue this conversation somewhere more comfortable?" (Oh lol he's gonna fuck that priest.) *smashcut to Orlox and Mizrak naked in a bed together* (OH WAIT WHAT?!!?!)

"There's an underground secret passage to the abbey." (Uh yeah and how do YOU know that? 'I bet she fucked that old man.' Pfff I bet she did. 'I bet he's Maria's dad.' Ehhhh I mean maybe? Bit far-fetched.) "But then we wouldn't have had Maria!" (*unified unholy gibbon screeching*)

(I'm not saying this series is bad, I'm just going to be a little disappointed if absolutely nobody from the original series gets even mentioned.) *Alucard shows up at the very last second* (Oh we are winning this season! 'We are WINNING!')

Orlox served astronomical levels of cunt and I hope he continues to hang around being a nebulous problem for everybody else for the rest of the series. And then go be evil and gay somewhere else at the end, like Striga and Morana.

While I respect the power move of Drolta's heel-less platforms and the environmental storytelling of "ooh wow look how vampires can balance effortlessly on floating heels like it's nothing" personally speaking it did look a bit. weird. Like just give her stilettos, man.

Drolta was otherwise an absolute delight to watch for every moment of her time onscreen and her character design was absolute peak. Every outfit and hairstyle was immaculate.

Maybe this is just me having read up on her a lot, but having Erzebet Bathory be mixed with the Egyptian goddess Sekmet was... jarring. She was a Hungarian noble and had absolutely fuck-all to do with anything further south than the European frontier of the Ottoman Empire, so even the "drank a goddess's blood and got possessed a little bit" still feels cobbled-together and forced.

Personally speaking, I think it would've served the writer's "dread vampire Messiah come to swallow the sun and usher in a new age of blood and doom" purpose if they had EITHER the vampire Erzebet Bathory who committed all of her (mostly mythical/exaggerated) serial killing crimes and then some, OR an ancient vampiress infected by drinking a goddess's blood. You either pull the cachet of an infamous vampire-tangential historical figure or make up a story about a vampire being consumed by and becoming a channel for something more powerful than even them out of whole cloth, but please don't do both. Especially when both versions originally had nothing to do with each other.

We all none of us deserve Eduoard. I hope he gets to transform into something more human-looking by the end of the series (so he doesn't get mobbed) and then go home to his nameless boyfriend and live happily ever after. Maybe after kicking the Abbot's teeth in, since he deserves it.

Speaking of which, this was Annette's season. Richter may have had his name on the tin but this season was for her and she killed it. Absolutely stole the show, man.

I love the way her summoning was animated and find her realistic for both her age and her time period in terms of enthusiasm for revolution and a tendency to act with emotion rather than thought, but Maria was just kinda... also here. Presumably she'll have more to do next season.

#Castlevania Nocturne #Castlevania Nocturne spoilers #Castlevania spoilers #spoilers

[therealvinelle]

I'm not going to read Writhing Coils bc the tags = nah for me to read in detail but after the last ask I would be FASCINATED to get a summary if you're willing to do so (especially re: had sex wirh what he thought was carslisle in front of Bella???)

PFFFFFT.

Scared of the tentacle sex and hentai tags I see, oh anon you are a coward. I appreciate the honesty. There is something Shakespearean about you.

Look, @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin, anon is an honest coward!

Anon is referring to this fic, and since I spoil the first five chapters under the cut I'm readmoreing this post.

To summarise:

Edward backs out of the wedding night at the last minute on Isle Esme, too scared to hurt Bella. Bella, wanting to be alone and have a good cry, goes swimming on her own where she finds Edward who is suddenly willing again. And my god, turns out he had tentacles down there.

This, Bella decides, explains a lot in retrospect.

Because she loves Edward more than the world itself she assures him that she accepts him, the tentacles don't make a difference to her just as the vampirism didn't. They make love and it's beautiful albeit tentacle-y.

Bella returns to the house, where Edward is pretending it didn't happen and only gives her funny looks when she insists it did. Alright, you had a weird dream, Bella, I won't judge you.

"I really don't have tentacles, though."

Bella, now furious with him, can't believe his audacity when the next time she sees him in the water he's asking for sex again.

Then she sees Edward, who is on land, very much not tentacled, and looks back at her tentacle man and... oh no.

Through an unholy mix of wanting to justify herself because she definitely didn't cheat on her husband and being very taken in by the tentacle person's story (he's just trying to save his species!) Bella decides to take him with her to Forks, to introduce to the Cullens who surely will want to help.

She names him Heathcliff, puts him in a bowl, and tells Edward she caught a tropical fish.

Fast forward to Bella deciding it's best Heathcliff explain himself to Edward because somehow the Cullens just think she's had a nervous breakdown, and Heathcliff turns into Carlisle and is able to seduce Edward.

Edward, on realising after the deed is done that this wasn't Carlisle at all but a tentacle creature that raped his wife first and now just raped him, can either admit to Bella and himself that he would cheat on her with his father, or he can play along with her fiction that he only slept with Heathcliff to support her.

Really, though, he got raped and he proceeds to have a car ride where she's justifying pimping out his family as well. How's that marriage working out, Edward?

This all leads to them getting off the road to have a proper talk with Heathcliff in a motel, where Edward tries to kill him only to get overpowered and sexually assaulted again. Bella, through a massive show of cognitive dissonance, focused only on the part where Edward gives in and says "Oh no... he's gay."

Truly a fic of all time, I can't blame you not wanting to read it but I do consider those strong enough to stomach it true troopers.

#rape mention #my fic #the carnivorous muffin #the carnivorous muffin fic #dark fantasies/writhing coils

[eel-slime-supremacy]

What The OM! Characters Do To My Brain

I don't really know what I'm doing but yea. And this is actually all factual and I am never wrong. -Luci Sadist Kinda hot Evil dilf go brrrr -Mammoney Little baby Kisses  I will be glucose guardian. Take my nonexistent money bb Will protect him -Levi Otaku Pick me boy Relatable -Satan Nerd Cat boy  Probably says “nya” randomly when he’s alone Has put needles in Luci’s food -Asmo Can and will eat your ass Love him. Will bite him affectionately Wanna cuddle him and tell him he’s pretty and play with his hair and give him kisses -Beel Big boi Don’t eat him custard Always hungry he can eat me Bby boi Will cuddle him. Will crush me. That’s okay -Belphie Want to chew on his face Bite Sleepy lil scrunkle Attack him (affectionately) Knock him over like a bowling pin He lives in the walls and my head rent free -Dia Massive tiddies I obviously don’t have enough pillows so I will volunteer him for me Gay -Barb Butler Want kisses and wedding ring Marry me be my male wife you have no say in the matter Want to consume him Inhale him  Become him -Solomon Old bitch Hoe Shady What you got going with asmo? 👀 Wanna put him in a can and preserve him like peaches -Simeon Vblefjhoigewhvpinwrfhewiohjfiwjhfeiiw May be an angel but only gives unholy thoughts I ain’t religious but I’ll get on my knees Gorgeous little slut -Luke An actually child Makes food Free child labor Wanna keep him as pet Bark at people who talk to me SICK ‘EM BOy! -Thirteen I don’t know the new characters a lot yet Mommy? Sorry. Mommy?  Gay gay gay gay gay gay Menace

*bows* thank you~

#obeyme #obey me #obey me writing #obey me x reader #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #belphegor #beelzebub #diavolo #simeon #solomon #barbatos #luke #thirteen #om! #headcanons #obey me headcanons #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #leviathan obey me #satan obey me #asmodeus obey me #beelzebub obey me #diavolo obey me #belphegor obey me #simeon obey me #solomon obey me

[angelhummel]

if u think that Rachel berry shouldn't have been the main character ur Kinda a dumb dumb. the core values of the show is annoying theatre kids who are outcasts finding solace in a goddamned glee club,, and you think fuckin qu*nn, br*ttany or s*antana were gonna give that energy??? absolutely fuckin not all they were going to do was be annoying popular people who learn the valuable lesson that popularity isn't everything but

and if the show wasn't about Rachel it would have been about kurt, mercedes, artie or tina being annoying theatre kids who are outcasts

I do actually like santana a fair bit, think Quinn was decent and brittany was definitely a character on the show, but there was nay a reason for a single one of them to truly be the main character

same anon as before but I think I may have made it seem like I was complaining at you but I was just complaining about others who don't have the third eye to see Rachel being the main character was the most logical conclusion xxx

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

oh yeah lmao for a second i was like "did i do something to make them think i thought that way..?" but yeah no i totally agreeee

the people who insist the unholy trinity carried the whole show are sooo dumb like baby they didnt even carry the three seasons you watched :/ but yeah i do like santana but damn those blonde bitches dragged her down so bad

and it always makes me mad that the show was about being an outcast and yet the popular kids always outnumbered the nerds. like 5:7

and dont get me started about the bullshit parade in 6x12 about how the gay, fat, black, disabled, jewish, asian characters need to open their hearts and minds and be more accepting of the cishet white male jock that lowkey bullies them all but is kind of sort of nice bc he didnt call the fat girl fat and let the gay kid take off his jacket before his friends tossed him in the dumpster and also hasnt started using slurs yet. he's a saint that deserves a million second chances (but his girlfriend is still a bitch and we hate her forever)

ugh. screaming internally, screaming eternally etc

#glee #lol glee #asks #my thoughts #anonymous #long post #anti quinn fabray #anti santana lopez #anti brittany pierce #anti brittana #anti finn hudson #not to be like 'youre enjoying this media wrong' #but the people who act like the popular kids carried the show lowkey highkey missed the point of the whole show asjdfskl #but then again the show itself reinforced that mindset bc it let those girls be as racist etc etc as possible with like no repercussions #so yknow #its such a struggle to be a fan of this show

[cloudywilmon]

cloudymiIk fanfic masterpost

Guide

Status

☑ complete ❒ in progress ☒ hiatus

Rating

Ⓔ Explicit Ⓣ Teen Ⓝ Not Rated

Young Royals

stand alone oneshots and multichaptered

get it off your chest, get it off my desk Ⓔ ☑

wc: 6,877

Vincent hasn’t called him to stand since the time with Felice, although there have been multiple nights where Simon has slept over. He supposes that while one can assume, it’s not actually evident that he and Simon had sex during those times (even though they definitely have). There was no mistaking the way they’d left early the night before, however. No mistaking the darkened bruise on Wille’s neck. They’ve already received some smirks from the boys around them, cheekily asking them if they’d had a goodnight.

i find myself running home to your sweet nothings Ⓣ ☑

wc: 2,196

He��d always known Simon was beautiful, to him, it was a universal constant. But now, getting to see him in person, looking up at Wille so openly - eagerly - he was radiant. - Following Wille's speech, he and Simon finally get some time alone together. Post S2 E6.

bloom where you are planted Ⓣ ☑

wc: 12,915

Wille is a plant boy, Simon has a black thumb. They both run semi-popular Instas.

make the yuletide gay Ⓣ☑

chapters 5/5

wc: 34,947

Wille doesn’t have anywhere to go for the holidays, Sara wants her family to stop asking if she has a boyfriend. Fake dating over Christmas seems like the perfect solution - at least until Wille meets Sara’s brother.

series

darling, you're the one I want

1/2 - i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this Ⓔ ☑

chapters 8/8

wc: 59,633

Simon is Wilhelm's best friend, so when he confesses that he's insecure about his lack of experience Wille offers to help him. After all, it's what any good friend would do, isn't it?

2/2 - i want you (bless my soul) Ⓔ ☑

wc: 15,539

Wille and Simon decide to take another step in their relationship - but first, Wille needs to do some research (off the school wifi this time).

 

In your heart I see the start of every night and every day

1/2 - You're Simply the Best Ⓔ ☑

chapters 27/27

wc: 123,730

“So if you’re not staying there, and you’re not coming here…” Erik began, pausing for Willie to answer and giving another laugh when Wille didn’t fill in the blanks. “Pray tell Wilhelm, where exactly is my little brother spending the weekend? I thought your crush went to Hillerska?” or Erik Lives

2/2 - i'm stuck on your heart Ⓝ ☑

wc: 8,788

moments from 'you're simply the best' from other perspectives

✨ Prince Simon Cinematic Universe ✨

Tell me what you need (You look so free) Ⓔ ❒

chapters 2/10

wc: 39,102

He let himself imagine for a moment that they could be friends - maybe in another life, another universe. The whole point of his attendance at the conference, however, was to portray the image that his mother wanted him to. He brushed the fantasies aside, it was a big enough event, he should be able to get away with avoiding Prince Simon. He had to. - Fresh off his breakup with Nils and the release of the tape, Wille is determined to be the model prince, to play the role that's expected of him. Simon might throw a wrench in that plan.

unholy trinity Ⓣ - with @prince-simon

chapters 4/4

wc: 6,443

Prince Simon consults his best friends for advice on his feelings for the little prince of Sweden.

tryna play it cool (i could be your crush) Ⓔ ☑

wc: 8,545

Wilma is very into Rosh and kind of wants to kiss her. She has a mild crisis about it.

london calling Ⓣ ☑ - with @angelbabysimon

wc: 3,130

When Simon and Wilhelm head to London for their first anniversary, things don't go quite the way they expect...

it takes a fool (but we both are so its okay)

I Lied Ⓣ ☑

wc: 2,685

Between Christmas and New Years, Simon's friends tell him to check instagram.

New Years Resolutions Ⓣ ☑

chapters 3/3

wc: 6, 521

Sara drags Simon out to a New Years party with Felice to stop him from sitting around and pining over Wilhelm who is still stuck at the palace dealing from the fallout.

It gets worse before it gets better  Ⓣ☒

chapters 9/?

wc: 24,739

Simon and Wilhelm are back at Hillerska before the term starts, but they still have to deal with the fallout of the tape.

Red, White, & Royal Blue

YourMusicSucksAndYouLookLikeADickhead Ⓔ ☑

wc: 6,762

In which Alex gets a new neighbour who immediately pisses him off, and they begin blaring their music to communicate with eachother. - aka Alex and Henry get off on the wrong foot, Alex has his bisexual awakening, and Nora deals with Alex's bullshit.

Healthy Choices: Relationships, Sexuality and Family Planning Ⓣ❒

chapters 1/3

wc: 10,420

Alex's high school decides to take a slightly more hands on approach to sex ed, and he finds himself stuck partnered with Henry. And their fake baby.

#fanfic masterpost #my fic #my fanfic #yr fanfic #yr fic #young royals fic #rwrb fanfic #rwrb

[seerofmike]

something im starting this year is a very self-indulgent, "my year in review" thing where i list 7 video games i enjoyed this year + 7 movies from this year that i liked because as time goes on i feel like i'm getting worse and worse at determining what i did and when i did them so this is basically just a place for me to journal the things i enjoyed this year for future reference.

all the movies are 2022 releases but since i'm hardly ever on top of current video game releases. my games list is gonna be all over the place. im mixing them up. feel free to read if you want yippee it's meant for me but since its being posted publicly ill write em all up as little recommendations. going in no particular order other than alphabetical and alternating between a movie and a video game i liked this year. also why 7 of each ? because 7 is my favorite number fuck you

The Batman

-hmmm. thoughts. congratulations to our second gay batman, robert pattinson. ok this is only half a joke. i love the riddler being a twitch streamer terrorist i like when media modernizes older characters it's funny. gotham truly felt like a shithole in this movie. soundtrack fucked. can't fight city halloween was on my spotify 100 wrapped

Inscryption (2021)

-i fucking suck at this game, i still have not beaten the trapper and as i understand theres like 2 whole other parts of the game to go or something??? so no i have not beaten it yet. but i have also sunk an unholy amount of time TRYING to beat it and i didn't get sick of it. it's a very dark but very entertaining card game and it has a free demo. even if you don't like card builder games i think you should try. it has a very unique atmosphere and premise

Bullet Train

-yes i liked the cringe brad pitt action movie. fun fact this was actually specifically tailor-made for me in a factory! it has a large cast of assholes trying to kill each other and it's funny and wacky and i love the directing. that sounds so fucking nerdy to say but i want to be a film director so im gonna say it. the directing of the action sequences especially was really impressive to me because there's only so much space/movement your camera can (believably) achieve when filming in a small, rectangular, ever-moving box like a train and i think mr david leitch did it very well. also tangerine and lemon funniest characters in an action comedy ever

Milk Inside a Bag of Milk Inside a Bag of Milk (2020)

-i kind of don't want to say much about this on the off chance someone reads this and also decides to play a game on this list but. listen. play it. it's like a dollar. it's very short, it's about a girl dealing with mental illness, and that's all i'll say about it.

Glass Onion

-mr benoit blanc u are so fruity. but ohg this was fun. it was fun! and it was especially more fun to rewatch it and see all that i missed and the small moments that they weren't really trying to hide from you. i enjoy the concept of being gaslit by a movie. also janelle monae is always so fun to see act

Paradise Killer (2020)

-honestly, there is so much i hate about this game. the sprites are awkward. the voice acting is bad. the platforming is abysmal. yet it's still here because i think its world is genuinely insane and unique and it knows the exact type of vibe its going for with all these terrible people in a vaporwave reality and it achieves it and also its a murder mystery and i like those. give it a try

Everything, Everywhere, All At Once

-yeah we all know her pussy slaps. there really isn't anything new for me to add. it's funny. it's got good action. michelle yeoh best actress award NOW!!!!!

Pathologic Classic HD (2015)

-yea this one is kinda cheating. i started it last year and got like 2 hours into it and gave up and then did a bunch of other things but i finally figured out how to get my controller hooked up to my laptop this year and i played it. 100%'d it. its proudly displayed on my steam profile.

look at that. awful. horrible terrible plague walking simulator 0/10 am playing again

Nope

-i love jordan peele. i love keke palmer. i love daniel kaluuya. this movie was made FOR MEEEEEEE it was very slow and tense and i know a lot of people complained about the slow pace of it but the build-up made (SPOILER) reveal all the more terrifying. speaking of terrifying, the scene where everyone (SPOILER) is the scariest thing ive seen in years and i think i have claustrophobia now :) also akira homage <3

A Short Hike (2019)

-this one was soso cute and relaxing :) it was very funny and had a cute artstyle and i beat it in like 1 hour. not a very big commitment but its charming enough to want to come back to

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish

-ummm. so. puss in boots??? that shit slapped????????? it had NO reason to be that good. like obviously the animation has been spiderverse'd which SLAPS but the they put their whole puss(y) into this movie and they didn't have to. it's good. all the characters were SO fun, literally all of them. i love the stupid little dog. he is my scrimblo. go check it out if you haven't it is NOT the soulless cash grab i thought it would be

Slime Rancher (2017)

-so like, conceptually, this game is weird as fuck. a first person shooter where you suck up little jellies and feed them and harvest their poop. its insane. its also very relaxing but also very ...management-y, like the way stardew valley is where its technically very relaxing but you are doing SO much to maximize ur profit for the day. i love that shit. look at those things. theyre adorable

Sonic the Hedgehog 2

-ohg. knumckles

SOMA (2015)

-ok so i don't actually get scared that often BUT here is a mike secret. ocean shit SCARES me i do not like anything set under the ocean and the fact that this game takes place underwater freaks me the fuck out. i dropped my 3 hour save file to switch to little baby for bitches mode after 3 hours not because the monsters themselves are scary but because emotionally i cannot handle monsters on top of a deep sea setting. also the story was really good you should play it

#mike 2022 year in review

[painless-innit-colourful]

Hi everyone, it's Crim, back again with our Eurovision commentary for the night. Coming at you from: one Eurovision superfan, one dance teacher, one former professional dancer, and the dog we scared every time we screamed. Here we go!

Czech Republic: She's really changing it up, huh.

Romania: We spent two and a half minutes talking about sexualsation in dance and that man's ruffled shirt.

Portugal: That was very beautiful.

Finland: The musical equivalent of The Smiler ride at Alton Towers. Director of Cinematography really said "YES WE CAN DO THAT FOR YOU."

Switzerland: We thought that resembled a charity advert song. Also, why are all the costumes too big.

France: And we are summoning something in this Eurovision tonight. My aunt just let out an unholy scream. I'm slightly scared for her.

Norway: That felt like a fever dream. We're all reeling from the lyrical genius of "Before that wolf eats your grandma, someone give that wolf a banana."

Armenia: Graham Norton made a remark about this one being the reason the UK had no toilet paper early in the pandemic, and it killed us for the whole song. Can we vote for the tech team to win.

Italy: Good *heavens* that was awful. We will discuss it no further. Was nice to hear the crowd singing though.

Spain: Well that was phenomenal. What a singer, what a dancer, she rocked it! Best choreography and staging of the night so far.

Netherlands: Is it just me or are pop songs getting more predictable.

Ukraine: A true Eurovision banger. None of those people looked like they were dancing to the same song, but man did they dance dance. I expect pink woolen bucket hats to be the trend by Monday. (We also really want to know what they're singing about.)

Germany: No wonder they had to go to the presenters for that change-over: they had to get the carpets on. The German Eminem.

Lithuania: As my aunt said, "Jessica Rabbit meets Liza Minelli. [...] She should audition for the [candlestick] in Beauty and the Beast. [...] Bit of Twiggy as well." This woman has turned both my aunt and my mom gay. She is my favourite so far. Who is she. I am very gay.

Azerbaijan: That wasn't a dance, that was pilates/a battle between a man and his rogue, evil doppelganger. Nice voice.

Belgium: Ehhhhhhh (I was out getting brownies. Why are they putting all the ballads together.) Why does no one's shoes match the rest of their outfits tonight. Why is there always a Bond Theme-ish one.

Greece: Goodness that was beautiful. The staging was cool, but just the song on it's own. A memorable ballad, and that's not something I'd say often.

Iceland: Thank goodness the ballads are over.

Moldova: Beastie Boys with 80% more acordian. Moldova is 30 years behind the rest of Europe and I ran out of words to describe that one mid-performance.

Sweden: No shoes this time. Costume department is having an evening. My aunt made a comment about how hard you would have to slam your head on the floor to change the lights and I lost it.

Special Mention to the Presenter Moment Where One of the Norweigan Wolves Attempted to Kidnap Mika.

Australia: Eh. It's no ice queen on an oscillating stick.

UK: WE MIGHT ACTUALLY STAND A CHANCE HOLY SH!!!!! THAT WAS REALLY GOOD I FORGOT I WAS WATCHING THE UK ENTRY!! That was such a jam - rock, ballad, good staging, great costume, great singing!!

Special Mention to Mika Getting Lost, Saying Romania was Spain and Misreading His Autocue, Announcing Holland to be Next.

Poland: Current theory on the couch is that the costume department this year only has five pairs of shoes and keeps needing to run them between acts. While are they all so big. Why was that so wet.

Serbia: That was. A lot of things. It felt like a cross between a bad GCSE Drama devised piece, a dystopian hygiene advert, and whatever they meant by "God has abandoned us" or whatever it was.

Estonia: A fun bop to conclude. Funky little hop down across the stage.

#some of the acts tonight had me reeling. good lord #crim speaks #eurovision 2022 #eurovision #czech republic #romania #portugal #finland #switzerland #france #norway #armenia #italy #spain #netherlands #ukraine #germany #lithuania #azerbaijan #belgium #greece #iceland #moldova #sweden #austrailia #uk #poland #serbia #estonia #esc 2022