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aussie-the-hedgehog · 4 months

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Okay, I think I need to do this for myself.

I've been rewatching MHA to gear up for season 7. However, it seems I'm also watching to prove something to myself.

It's been nearly a year, and I still greatly struggle with shame of having Ochako as my favorite character. I realize this is a drawn out topic on this blog, but I must air this grievance for the good of my mental sanity.

I feel whenever I'm on Twitter, I see many brutally slander her character. I see criticisms that she has no use in the show. I have witnessed posts circled with threats concerning the topic. It is making me further question why I enjoy the character as much as I do.

To be frank, I care A LOT about what people think - honestly to a fault. I was verbally bullied as a kid for how I looked (I had buck teeth, glasses, and social struggles due to sensory disorders and autism). I struggled to fit in through my elementary and middle school days. I was labeled as "weird" and "a teacher's pet" just to name a couple. I always felt compelled to prove myself to fit in with the kids of my classes.

I also was made fun of for being a Dallas Cowboys fan. Granted, I live an hour away from Philadelphia, but I was picked on quite a bit for liking them.

One day after school in fourth grade, I was on a bus heading to a rec center for after care. The Cowboys were playing the Eagles the ensuing Sunday. If you know anything about the NFL, these two are bitter rivals. They absolutely hate each other. The bus driver was aware I liked the Cowboys. He decided to start a chant on the bus ride, "Dallas sucks!" all the way there to the rec center. All the kids jumped in without hesitation.

I was horrified. I broke down crying. I felt like in that one moment the world was against me. There was a kid sitting next to me who tried to comfort me by saying he's on my side rooting for Dallas. I appreciated his support, but in that moment I just wanted to get off the bus.

When I got off, my mom was waiting and saw me in tears. She scolded the driver for making me cry over a football game. The bus driver was fired the next day.

I will admit I have come to terms with the teams I like (it helps the Cowboys are a meme), but it's still difficult being honest with the things I enjoy. This is especially the case when it comes to the hopeful, compassionate trope in shows.

I look on social media sites such as Twitter. I see all these vitriolic comments directed toward those who enjoy Ochako for no reason. I feel I've been indirectly abused because I am a part of her fandom.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again - she follows the trope I like. She's the glue that keeps the group together. She's loving and kind to everyone she meets. I honestly see her as an honest to goodness daughter. You can call it weird if you want, but it's how I feel.

Now, you can look at all of this and conclude I shouldn't be on Twitter. That is totally fair. I do need to limit my time on social media. However, this remains discouraging in my life. I started watching MHA last February and this issue STILL remains. I'm ashamed for enjoying something morally okay since the fandom is extremely harsh concerning her.

I feel it has to do with my past in being criticized for what I enjoy and seeing the fandom crush anyone who likes the character. Both have come together in such overwhelming ways.

Another factor is one I've mentioned before. I am a guy and should be liking more masculine things. In no way should I be interested in female characters or how they give hope in dire predicaments. Yet, it's something I find admirable because that's just what I like. I have to be alright with that.

In no way am I victimizing myself. This is a grievance I've had to get out. The toxicity from the fandom and my own negative thinking have gotten to my head for me to at least put my fingers to the keyboard. Writing is a cathartic practice for me. Crafting pieces like this is extremely healthy for me.

There isn't much more to be said about why I like Ochako Uraraka. I've made several posts why. You can look at those if you're so inclined. All in all, I hope one day I can be confident in why I enjoy characters like her and not feel a need to care about what others think.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#aussie vents #mental health #mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #ochako uraraka #uraraka ochako #uravity #ochaco uraraka #verbal abuse #sensory issues #autism #toxic shame

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echologname · 1 month

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Phone addiction and ADHD

Phones give a mind numbing constant stream of a dopamine high like doom scrolling. If you're sucked into this habit for hours on end every day, it can mess up your brain's dopamine regulation and then everything that's not your phone seems dull, not as stimulating and boring, so all you want to do is go back to that rush, and pick up your phone again.

With someone with ADHD, the brain already struggles with dopamine regulation for focus and motivation and so, I think we're especially susceptible to phone addiction and the repercussions are perhaps more pronounced than a neurotypical person.

I've definitely noticed a concerning change with my attention span. I didn't get a smart phone until I was 19 and as a kid, reading books was my favorite thing to do, now it's like when I sit down to read, it's like I have to uncomfortably force myself to read a page or two and I start wanting to pick up my phone again because it's so much more stimulating. I don't have to have any patience, any song, show, book, movie or thing I want to learn about is all instantaneous. I've never had issues with impulsivity, poor decision making and poor time and money management (at least minimally), but when my brain has become so used to being relaxed and used to "imaginary" money just disappearing and objects appearing at the door a day later, is an unprecedented dopamine addiction.

My phone is great when I use it MINDFULLY not MINDLESSLY. I find I actually find more enjoyment from my phone when I'm intentionally doing something specific like drawing, reading or listening to music. Getting sucked into a doom scroll or WAY off track, just makes me feel dull, and sad that I let it happen for the umpteenth time.

For the past few years, I've experimented with finding activities to replace phone time. I got a Sony ereader Pocket Edition ERS-300. Why get an old device made in 2009 when I could have gotten the latest Kindle? I didn't want something with wifi or ads, so, I prioritized simplicity and I miss devices with tactile buttons for sensory purposes. I got a handheld radio to use before bed and when I wake up instead of being on my phone. I also got into retro gaming because it's better than being online and on social media. I decided to take up origami again like when I was a kid as well as baking, playing with my dogs, drawing, crafting...etc. At first it was difficult to remember what I did for fun as a kid, what did I do before my smart phone? I'm glad I'm figuring it out though.

The best thing I can do right now is make my smartphone "dumber," like turning on greyscale, uninstalling distracting apps and only leaving the necessary "tools" and turning on Do Not Disturb. Basically make it boring. I did order a Light Phone II (I couldn't get my childhood flip phone to connect to modern cell networks), so when it arrives, I'll see if that helps since keeping my phone in "boring" mode seems to be a struggle to stick to. It's like I'm so used to it being stimulating, I feel like it SHOULD be that way, I expect it to and being boring feels wrong but I guess that's just another symptom of the hold it has on me.

I realized I had a genuine problem when I spent like 8 hr on my phone then sat down in bed and I felt like I didn't know how to exist without me staring at it. Like a substance addict's brain being buzzed and never satisfied without the thing that makes it feel that way.

This has been a genuine issue for me and my ADHD sister as well, so, I'm just making this about my experience and I hope to support anyone who might be dealing with the same issue.

#phone addiction #adhd #actually autistic

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system-of-a-feather · 2 years

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Like how do you get to that point, me and the persecutor “assigned” to me to basically torture me, I can’t really see us getting along, and I’ve tried to help them but then they go after someone else and they can’t handle it. My brain can’t even compute how that would even happen.

From a similar dynamic, it is largely coming to the realization that even though parts may be entirely different and at odds on the surface, at the core there is something and a value and function that can underlie it all. I don't know the situation with your persecutor part to say this 100% and am mostly speaking from our experience and my own perspective, but I think the issue in your approach is that you are trying to "help them".

Ignore me if this is too aggressive sounding or accusatory - I really just talk like this with the system and don't really know how to turn it off especially when I'm giving criticism, but approaching a persecutor with the intent to "help them" is 95% of the time a self centered and selfish move as most of the time we've seen it, there is an underlying "this part is wrong, bad and acting out because they have a problem / trauma that if I fix / if I can fix for them then they will act how I want them to and stop intruding into my life style". I fully believe you and all other people and parts with this approach have the best intent to it - Riku did it all the fucking time and still does until I fucking hit them over the heads cause its not their job to deal with those parts anymore since they SUCK at it (or at least the initial early stage) - but as the part who now "professionally" works with persecutory parts the approach is entirely flawed.

If you want my best advice, change your perspective from trying to "help" and "fix" them to understanding what they are doing, why they are doing it, and what they actually want from what they are doing. Don't ask about that for your own sake and don't judge any of it as wrong or bad or toxic or problematic, but just straight up listen and find the core reason to the way they are acting and then you can negotiate and compromise a way to make you both get what you want.

You (or someone else in the system) have to step out from the "I am stressed out and this part is hurting me" and push past and through all the harmful garbage and get the part to actually communicate things in a proper and healthier manner - then once you know what they want, you can give them another way to obtain what they want and by doing so you build good faith with them as you are helping them get what they want and also reduce the behavior overall.

Like for me early on, what I knew I wanted was fun, entertainment, excitement, power, and chaos. What I needed was something to give me an emotion other than apathy and the reason I was going for that shit was because they gave emotions I could experience that I had grown addicted to and loving - and so I was heavily sensory seeking, destructive, and craving / baiting / fishing for as much negative attention as I could 24/7. It took a while to get to having the rapport with another part other than Riku (Ray and Lucille iirc) that it became a bit clear that I very much was just dopamine seeking through cortisol and adrenaline rather than healthier ways, and they provided me with positive attention which made me feel a little bit of a positive emotion which then really opened doors for me to perceive and consider a different approach.

Additionally, Riku and I have - or at least used to be since we've started to share more beliefs as we get along and hear eachother out more - extremely different approaches to life and view points on how we should go about things simply by the nature of how we split, but we both at a core found to respect that the both really wanted us to "live our best life" and that both of us were extremely dedicated to our views of what our "best life" was. The details entirely conflicted at first, but latching onto the concept that we were both sharing the same intent of building our "best life" allowed us to leave room for respect on the other's unique perspective. We didn't suddenly start actually doing this or anything and I can't really pin point when we started to work on finding a middle ground, but at a certain point we realized both of our views were entirely flawed in opposing manners and so we just kinda looked and went "Ah, I get it" and then decided to shake on it to have us both entirely work on our forte's and trust the other with the rest.

Riku's perspective was very unsustainable and required being far too fraudulent to their own identity and self for the sake of "stability and peace"; mine was too chaotic, stressful, dangerous, and trauma inducing for the sake of "remaining dominant and being 100% true to ourselves". So at a certain point of slowly gaining eachother's respects we went "hey wait, we have a perfect plan somewhere between us, lets divide and conquer at our strengths and I'm sure that will get us somewhere" and lo and behold it really fucking has. And figuring that our honest quickly set the grounds for EXTREME mutual respect because both of us rapidly found that we could let go of the shit we aren't suited for and not only make progress that we had very much struggled endlessly with before - but we also did not have to worry about it.

Like I'm GOD awful at not putting us in danger and not getting lost in the adrenaline high. As a co-host I can do just fine, but if I was a singlet, I know I'd end up in jail or dead in less than 4 months - even now that is straight facts. The thing thats great about having Riku over here is that they are VERY good at keeping us from being dead and keeping a functioning positive direction to life and so even if I suck at it, if I just defer to Riku whenever it comes to long terms relationship / large scale life decisions, then I never have to worry about my own lack of ability to be a not-antisocial fuck beyond how that affects my inter-system dynamics. Riku probably has something similar to say on it and I could explain it, but they'll be adding their own two cents to this at some point so I'll just leave that for them to deal with.

But anyways, that's all I have to say on the matter for now. My two cents

-XIV

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I think XIV honestly talked about this pretty well (albeit I only kinda skimmed it since I generally know his opinion on this kind of stuff since we chat about it) but honestly? It kind of comes when you realize how parts play into each other like... on a function level and figuring out a better way to mold and reshape the shit that drives parts against each other into a potential strength.

I've been booted off of persecutory-rehab cause I tend to be "too soft about it" and tend to become a chew toy for them and all and so I'm not gonna advice much on persecutory stuff as much as just *leaves it for XIV* cause that not my expertise (I've been allocated to sad meow wows) but I do like help bounce ideas and information I know about parts in question taht he is working with to help give him some further insight and its like... really important to be able to also take a step back and really see how the tendencies and ways one part is reflects and plays into another part.

While it can be hard to see from the inside and while in the midst of it, we are all interconnected and parts indirectly affect one another regularly. Closely connected parts (positive or negative) tend to serve a closely related like... function to one another and getting a like eagles eye view of why parts are the way they are can help you modify it to be beneficial.

What are points of contention and conflict and hate between parts can - with effort, time, understanding, and integration (not fusion) - can become points of strength and completion. Usually conflict and contention stems from parts having drastically different opinions and feelings on topics and once you manage to pull back from the fight-flight that can cause and can engage in conversation > debate, having drastically different opinions can really be an extremely helpful strength because then parts that don't see the same as you can add input and insight you are otherwise blind to.

Theres a lot of shit I don't know about that XIV does and vice versa. Once we acknowledged neither of us have a clear perspective and view of the events and world around us, it was a lot easier to respect a lot of our drastically opposing stuff and put aside bad blood to share and get a better vision of our life past, present, and future and make the best plays we can with this much more complete vision.

I dunno, I think XIV covered this well enugh though.

-Riku

#recovery #alter: xiv #alter: riku #riku squared #ask #asks #persecutor #persecutor recovery #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #system dynamics

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alostlittleriverlotus · 2 years

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I think one thing that frustrates me about my witchcraft and especially when I was first learning was the "you have to tell your intentions!" No no, not have intentions clear, people would say you had to VERBALLY say them. 1: what about physically mute witches that literally don't have an option to speak? But 2: I go nonverbal sometimes especially more often now that I'm unmasking. Most of my practice is done silently with only really music or natural sounds like rain. I always would try to speak and it felt so gross and wrong and made me uncomfortable.

I dunno how much that spreads around, but I remember seeing witches (specifically on TikTok, of course) that would say you would have to VERBALLY SPEAK your intentions for them to be known. Not only does that ignore people that can't flat out speak or those that communicate with nonverbal communication (aka if deaf or hard of hearing folks used sign language), but it also ignores nonverbal people and such. Like yes, I can speak. I'm not hard of hearing, there's nothing physically stopping me, but I'm autistic and I go nonverbal especially a lot more lately since I'm unmasking and unlearning. I've learned to communicate more nonverbally and even have picked up a bit of ASL for very simple communication (like thank you, I love you for example.) It just rubs me the wrong way, but witchtok is especially filled with misinformation, classism, ignoring disabled voices, and ESPECIALLY ignoring BIPOC voices!

I've mostly stayed on good sides of witchtok with people that educate about appropriation, misinformation, and include cheaper ways to practice and actually give great advice, but I've come across a few that, whether I knew it at the time or not, gave really shitty advice. It's just a small thing I encountered that I'm now realizing really affected my practice when I was really finding myself (my first year or two of practice.) And oh my god the "love and light." I thought "oh people say that. Maybe I'll try." I said it once and felt sick to my stomach and was like "nope, nope, never again. Who am I to judge?" Like good for you if that's your thing, but like, it was so difficult to find MY practice at first. And that really affected my self esteem since I have a big problem with "guilting" myself if I'm not doing it right and since there wasn't any really good guidance and I am shite with researching and cry after seeing two articles cause google sucks, it was really difficult. And it made me practice less cause I'd get worn out and go back to being my ADHD/autistic self that goes "nah I don't wanna do that."

Also of course I focus my intentions in my mind. I do deep breathing to help me focus and it's all I think about. I even bring up specific memories and emotions to fuel my intentions. But saying them aloud just doesn't feel right especially when I have to force myself to say it. I paint, I DO with the intention in ME. I don't need to verbally say it.

Anyway, I'm making a protection/good vibes painting for my bestie. It's really pretty so far and I even accidentally started painting an evil eye thing on accident (this: 🧿) just because I felt drawn to the blues and making an eyeball. I use a lot of eyes in my paintings (it's a show of emotion/trauma for me) so I didn't think much until I thought about it in depth. I even added in some sage for protection and good vibes. It looks really nice and adds texture. It was all I could get my hands on since I sneak herbs and spices from my mother and she's super christian so uh- can't know. But still. I already feel so happy looking at it. I know they will too. Plus I'm using warmer tones cause my bestie prefers them, his favorite color is red! I'm a cool tones person, partly due to sensory issues, but still. I'm just adding in things that remind me of them. I love it so much :) I know he will too!

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taeyamayang · 2 years

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I have no idea why Thor is so photogenic. Its not fair. He won’t save any beauty for anyone else. I have so many photos of him in my digital camera just because he is so easy to photograph. I’ll have to find them for ya, they are pretty cute. He’s cute and all, until he starts rolling in the dirt. I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but he likes to go on the porch and roll around in the dirt. And he will meow (more like mew) to go outside and stand by the door and wait for us to open the door. He doesn’t understand that it’s too hot for him and his thick fur and often just turns back around lol. Then an hour later he’s back at it again, smh. I have a problem in thinking that everyone I speak to online is American 🤦‍♀️ it’s giving entitled American vibes LMAOOO. But mainly I think that it’s just hard to comprehend how big the internet really is and how many people spend their time in there like me. I feel like people don’t understand how amazing the internet can be and how you can connect with people from absolutely everywhere, yknow? I feel like that made me sound like a grandma jfjsjsjsvdh .

The “boarding school” I went to was actually a “therapeutic residential” or a more long term psych hospital stay with more privileges and such. I went since was struggling really badly with my mental health, I was given several different diagnosis (adhd, anxiety, autism, depression) almost all at once while going through puberty, a time where people struggle finding out more about themselves and such. It fucking sucked. There were more factors but that’s mainly the gist of it that led me to being enrolled in a residential for my seventh grade. Everyone had their own problems and shit going on but it was much more “externalized”(? If that’s the right word) compared to me, who internalized EVERYTHING. So I got a lot of “why the hell are you even here?” (Not in a rude way, more in a way of general confusion) from staff and residents alike. To which I responded “I don’t fucking know??” So technically it’s not a boarding school, but it has the characteristics of one in several ways and it’s much easier to call it a boarding school because it gets a lot less sideways glances and or ones of pity. It seems VERY different from your school. When I think of boarding schools I think of either two things; a very preppy, fancy school or a reformitary school for “juvinile delinquents”. And cults. Which i guess means three things but cults in either kind of boarding schools aren’t necessarily uncommon. Maybe they are, but I’m a true crime addict so I’ve heard plenty of shady things about boarding schools. High key just listened to a documentary of sorts about a boarding school like two days ago. In other words, what was your school like? Lol it sounds very interesting and fancy. Was it fun? Did you have to wear uniforms? When I was in kindergarten-2nd grade I wore a uniform, which I didn’t think was weird until I moved and went to a different school and realized that only preppier schools have their students wear uniforms, and my old school was not preppy at ALL. It was just a normal school. So like a year or two ago I asked my mom why I had to wear a uniform -white collared shirts and navy bottoms- I was a very lanky kid that grew a LOT. I was also messy and has sensory issues with the stupid collar on the shirts. We had to buy them at special shops and no matter what size I bought the pants always showed so much leg and the shirts would always go up to my belly button. And since I was so messy I always had stains on my shirts. I probably looked homeless I swear. But anyway I asked her and apparently the area around my school had some GANG ACTIVITY???? and they didn’t want us kids wearing clothes that matched gang colors??? But the highschoolers (who would be around the age to be in a gang) didn’t have to wear them? Idk weird. And omg I do remember Madeline!!! It’s a show locked deep deep down in my childhood memories. I remember the last time I thought of it was a few months ago actually when I made a comment about riding along the luggage bag things they have in hotels and such and my mom mentioned something along the line of “like in Madeleine?” Like wow ok I don’t think I thought of Madeline since I was like four, that’s a throwback.

Ok so my other ceiling story happened in my room, well shared room. So here’s a very shitty sketch of the room since it’s too odd looking to describe in justice. The orange highlight is the layout of the room, and the yellow bits give better detail of certain sections. Ok so each room had a wooden desk, bed and wardrobe for every person living in the room. They also had a wall that was a fogged window with a section up to that was not fogged. Surprisingly, the staff didn’t mind if we sat on top of the wardrobes. Usually we sat up there to look out the window since that was about the only way u could see out it. I usually did that by hopping up from my bed (as you can see with the lil stick figures) but most of the time we just climbed up them using the wooden slots separating each cubby. Most of the rooms were two person rooms besides the two back ones, including the one I drew. Now that one was kinda famous on the unit for several reasons. First it was one of the only three person rooms- like previously mentioned , second it looks weird (it was also painted a pea green color, where all the others weren’t painted at all?) and it didn’t have an obnoxious window wall that people can tap on from the outside and that blinded you every morning. But it was mainly famous because the wardrobes were all lined up in a slim row and you could all crawl up there and look out the window- or crawl up into the ceiling. The little corner the wardrobes were in had a wooden panel and room for a person to sit up there. It was relatively safe, at least to what Peter did and most of the kids who slept in that room went up there at some point. I didn’t, I didn’t wanna get in trouble and besides; my Lanky, 5’7 ass would not fit in there quietly or neatly and I did not wanna break shit, no thank you. I pride myself on being self aware and I am very aware of how messy I am, and how much more of a mess I was a twelve. The room at the moment was occupied by me and my two roomates; Daia and Kayla. One day, Daia and Kayla crawled up the ceiling- whilst calling me a baby for not-while I read a comic. I went out in the common areas to socialize while Daia soon followed me, because their isn’t much to do in the ceiling . Kayla on the other hand stayed up in their even tho we both told her she should come down, she’s being too reckless. But she said she was fine. I bet you know where this is going. A little while late we hear a loud ass CRASH and Daia and I run out from the common room only to find out that the loud noise came from our room. Kayla somehow sat on a piece that wasn’t stable and the WHOLE rectangle section fell. All over our wardrobe, all over our clothes, everywhere. Our whole room was a hazard.

I was really irritated since we both told Kayla she needed to be less reckless and she was known to be kinda selfish and she had a tendency to do whatever she wanted no matter who it harmed. But daia? Daia was PISSED. Absolutely LIVID. let me tell you a few things about Daia. She was a year younger than us, and much much smaller. She was small and petite with baby chin and hands. She had a head of tight small curls. In other words, she was very cute. Like a teddy bear. Or doll. But the similarities end there. like they say, the shorter they are they closer they are to hell and man did she have a TEMPER! she was very feisty and had an attitude when needed. Once One of the night staff told us about how she once got up and stood in her doorway and when the staff asked what’s up she stuck her lil chubby hand with her little chubby middle finger and said “fuck you” and giggled (more like cackled) as she went back to lay down. Do you know that meme with Cardi B saying “who am I? Who are you?” Then chucking? Yeah she kinda sounded like that. The staff was so confused, not just because she didn’t do anything that required such hostility. BUT BECAUSE SHE WAS ASLEEP THE WHOLE. DAMN. TIME. the staff checked and double checked too, she was dead asleep. If that doesn’t give a description of daia as a whole idk what does. One of the staff said that she reminds him of a Grateful Dead bear, always sneaking around with a mischievous look in her eye. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me she punched him in the nuts. She was pretty chill when not being a menace to society, tho. But unluckily for Kayla, she just flipped her “bitch switch” and I had to PHYSICALLY hold her back. Was not fun, 10/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND. Thankfully Kayla was ok (after falling and avoiding Daias rath) but we all had to sleep elsewhere, so Daia and I moved our mattresses to the group room and Kayla moved hers to the hallway, where she would be constantly supervised. It was wild. You would think having one weird ceiling related incident there would be it right?

And about the twerking party- you read that right. That’s exactly what happened, which honestly wasn’t very out of the ordinary, very on brand. They would always be dancing and stuff and they always tried bringing me in. Which as an awkward, lanky 12 year old I would always decline. Do you know that one TikTok audio “Bitch did you hear what the fuck I said? Shake some ass!!!” It was pretty much that. To which I promptly replied “what ass????? I have nothing to shake!!!!” Which usually got them off my case. But if they ever caught me vibing to any r&b/rap/trap (the music they played) they would hype me UP. They loved “corrupting” the shy lanky emo and would always go “MAEVE!! OK WE SEE YOU!!” It was so embarrassing!!!! I was pretty much the chillest and most rational on the dorm and got along with everybody so they sorta saw me as the baby (even daia and Kayla did… which was weird because I was technically older??) once I was getting changed in the room real quick and Kayla was like “DAMNNNNN” and Daia was like “You never told me you had titties??” And I was just like ????? I never hit them away??? I just wear sports bras???? Kayla then told me I was “slim thicc” and daia and I were like “yeah no” big then Kayla’s said I’m “thicc slim” which apparently made more sense because daia agreed?? They saw me as a goodie two shoes as well so after they found out I “have boobs” they tried to make me wear more “whore couture” or revealing outfits. And I was like bitch?? We are twelve?????? Yeah it got messy lmaooo

I literally had to type that all out on notes, it took forever lol

Thor sounds like a troublemaker but you wouldn't get mad at him bc he's such an adorable fluff. Momo used to mess around too but she's 6yrs old now and kinda oldie so she would rather look through the window, sleep and eat all day than do anything. In short, she's a freeloader in our house lmaoo that's okay! idk but it's weird ever since i got into social media i always get assumed as an American? or someone who lives in the west but l i'm very much asian. from my ancestors' knowledge, our blood is mixed but still from an asian descent. so that makes me asian x2 LMAO I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

CULT?! GANG?! is that tokyo rev irl? lmao jk. omfg i love love crime documentaries but i have never heard a cult incident near my area so that being "normal" in where you live is surprising to me. yes! we used to wear uniforms. i attended a religious all girls school all my life before uni. from 7th grade to 10th grade i liked our uniform. we wear a blue skirt and a bottom up white polo but the buttons are at the back. we also wear a neck tie where we improvised to put our pens and highlighters inside so it becomes handy. then, we have black doll shoes with white socks just above our ankles. the uniforms changed when we reach 11th to 12th grade. it's more "mature" but technically it's almost the same thing as the previous uniform but the buttons are at front and we no longer have the necktie which kinda sucks. oh, if you need a point reference i think the closest look we have of our uniform is Fukurodani's!! (minus the bow cos we wore a navy necktie, as i mentioned earlier) my high school life is pretty normal. i didn't belong to the "cool" group but i wasn't isolated from the rest. i kinda just... existed LMAO but my status slightly changed during my 11th to 12th grade. i gained a bit of confidence. i was a sports captain during a sports event and auditioned for a musical play for a cause (a school event) actually i wasn't planning on auditioning but my friends signed me up 😭 i have stage fright but i love performing (i am a walking irony, i know) i sing and my friends know i can sing so they wanted me to show everyone what i can do. i curse but at the same time thank them for signing me up cos i got accepted! from the point, my batchmates and teachers were shocked to see a different side of me. no one knew i can sing but from mini plays in english classes they have enjoyed my quirky acting lol sooo i guess it was a good memory. also, idk why but i always get caught in the "cool" kids dramas when i'm literally just a chilling potato. like, i swear i can tell you about it next time if you want to. it's a whole au moment for me but i was confused half of the time. it sucks that you have to call your school a "boarding school" just so people wouldn't be shocked when you tell them you studied there. we don't have that kind of school here in my country or maybe i am not aware of it, but part of it is that my country isn't open yet when it comes to mental health (sucks cos i'm a psychology major lol) but how were you in your school? did it helped you? and it's good that your parents supported you or at least find a way to help you when you were struggling with your mental health.

alright, first off THE EFFORT MAN 👏🏼 as a visual learner, thank you for the drawing AND THE SMALL STICK FIGURES WITH CAPTIONS OMG aight so as i type this i have read the part about the ceiling incident AND SHIT YOU NOT ONE SEC I WAS NODDING, THEN LAUGHING, AND WRAPPED IT UP WITH MY JAW ON THE FLOOR. i thought daia is a sweet little human when you told me she had come down from the look out. i thought kyla is the problem child and you had daia on your side. but when you started describing how cuddly and cute she appeared i saw it coming. she isn't a doll or if she is then she is definitely chucky 😭 NO THAT'S A BAD COMPARISON BUT LITERALLY THAT WAS THE IMAGE I HAD OF HER WHEN READING THE DESCRIPTION OF HER. the middle finger and fuck you while she was dead asleep?? ARE YOU SERIOUS GSNDBSJ and "the shorter one is the closer to hell." MAAM SIR THAT HIT ME. AS A FIVE FEET FLAT THAT WAS PERSONAL /jk (lmao i get that a lot too tho i have a veryyyy longgg patience once shit gets to me i bring hell to earth lmao so my friends are wary of me when i'm angry or pissed tho i don't physically hurt someone but they say i have this black aura thing clouding me similar to that of anime characters when im mad LOL but yeah that's rare since i appear collected and calm most of the time, ANYWAY) your boarding school stories are out of this world i feel like this belongs to a series "keeping up with myve's boarding school." "90 days in boarding school." "survivor boarding school." 😭 why do i feel like you lived with the most problematic kids in town and you had to somehow be friends with them. but i commend you for doing the right choices tho, not climbing the lookout thingy (and heck you're 5'7 at that time?? wtf is in the air in your country 😭😭😭) i bet you're one of the best behaved kids in your school at that time. btw, was kyla bought to the hospital? i mean the fall hurt her (also daia's wrath) that story is crazy shittt but i enjoyed it heckk lol. also, do you get to choose your roommates or you get assigned in a certain like how i always get assigned to the most rowdy pupil in class in hopes i'll "turn" them nice or get sat next to the most talkative in class cos when in class i always have this face -__- i was generally quiet, shy, and nice (teacher's description) or do you get assigned randomly? i'd love to hear more of your stories boarding school or not it sounds interesting and entertaining. i love the contrast we haveㅡour's is very prim and proper, don't hurt a fly. always respect each other policy and your's is a tv series. i feel like when you get old that's the kind of stories you'll tell your grandkids.

i- am i the only who didnt get the thicc slim and slim thicc? like... what's the difference GSNSBS and they didn't expect you to have boobies cos you're "hiding it" heckk were you ever pressured to wear revealing clothes? i guess that's the advantage of wearing uniforms in school. we don't have issues with attire since technically we wear the same clothes and even if we have a school event that requires us to wear civilian clothes, the school rules are VERY strict so they wouldn't let us wear anything other than a pair of pants, shirt, and closed shoes. but since i studied in an all girls school i am used to changing clothes inside our classrooms. we shut the windows and door and we find our own corners tho before i used to be very conscious so i'll go out to use the bathroom but eventually i got used to it. some of the "liberal" girls poked other girls' boobs and point out how big/rounded it is or show off their bras and panties. i never flaunted my body to anyone so i just changed quietly lmao BUT one time one of my friends took notice of me changing clothes and was like "ooOoOoOoHh look at pea changing didn't know you got curves" (i butt is defined, that's what they meant." so i quickly grabbed my top uniform and covered my body and shoo-ed her lmao but it gained eyes from others but i don't mind, really.

thank you for typing this all out I ENJOYED THIS CONVERSATION OMG sorry if i reply late (hensns introvert stuff when i get drained af socializing irl i tend to shut down) hope you're doing well!! stay hydrated bubs!

#myve.😸#pea.asks

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 2 years

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

After I wrote about the good things that happened in 2021, I also wanted to write a personal "year in review" post. I learned some life lessons this year that I want to reflect on - as always, feel free to skip this one if personal updates aren't your cup of tea.

(Content warning: mention of mental health issues)

So, here are some lessons I learned this year:

- Sometimes things just suck and there is no beautiful message hidden in the pain... and that's okay.

I went through a mental health crisis in 2020. I survived it - but the first few months of 2021 were still hell for me. While I left the panic attacks and depression behind me, the insomnia only got more severe in the new year. Severe as in going 72 hours without any sleep at all, passing out from pure exhaustion for like 3 hours and then going 72 hours without sleep again.

This was hard on me for the obvious reasons: I was so tired that my entire body hurt, so tired that I couldn't focus on anything anymore, so tired that it made me cry in public... But it was also hard because I kept trying to see the beauty in the pain and there just wasn't any. I tried to unlock the hidden message in my suffering and it only made me feel worse. I felt like a failure for not getting stronger from the pain.

I sleep well now - and I didn't fix my insomnia by finding some deep secret message in it. Quite honestly, I don't know how I fixed it. Life sucked for a while and then it just got better over time. And maybe that's the whole point.

Maybe I didn't get stronger or better from the experience... and I didn't need to. I just needed to carry myself through that storm. It was worth going through it and not giving up, not because I came out enlightened but because I came out alive. I am here now and that's all that matters.

- I can still do great things when I don't feel great (and I will feel grateful that I didn't put my life on hold)

I look back at those months and remember the pain and all the tears... but I can also look back and see strength. In the midst of that storm, I finished and published my second novel. How did I do that? No clue! I just did it. I probably did it in a Zombie-like state but I did it.

I look back on older posts here on my blog and I think "Wow, this is a good one" and realize I wrote it during that time. I probably wrote that post with tears in my tired tired eyes but I wrote it.

I hear myself say "I really fell in love with watching gay Thai dramas this year" or "This is the year I found out that songs in languages I do not understand give me that Happy Music Feeling without the sensory overload" and think to myself, hey, I learned new things about myself and found new ways to bring happiness into my life... and all that during a hard time. Insert the "Go little rockstar!" meme here!

- ... but it's also okay to put some things on hold.

I am glad that I didn't put my whole life on hold, not only because it means that I can look back and see some rays of light in those dark months. It also made it easier to get better. As my sleep slowly got better, my energy increased too - and I didn't have to spend that energy on picking up the broken pieces of my interests and happy things because I didn't drop them.

With that being said, I took a break from writing. I wanted to start my third novel right after publishing the second one. Writing is very much "my one thing". I have been writing for as long as I remember, it's basically part of my identity. But I needed a break. It was difficult to accept that at first but it was the right step for me. Putting this one thing on hold allowed me to not drop everything else.

I started to write again in late 2021 with new energy and fresh ideas.

- I love my stupid little life and doing my stupid little things and being my stupid little self.

My break from writing (and in a weird way even my mental health crisis) made me realize that I don't need be productive or successful to be happy. The trouble with having "my one thing" being writing is that my self-worth is tied to it (I am sure the artists reading this can relate!). Writing is after all something mensurable: How many pages did I write? When that number suddenly fell to zero, I realized how much I had been telling myself that this number is my internal permission to be happy ("I need to write to be allowed to love my life"). But that's a lie! I am allowed to just be happy to be alive. I am allowed to be happy doing "useless" things like re-watching my favorite Thai series for the sixth time.

I realized I don't actually have that goal of becoming a widely known, super sucessful writer. I always felt like I need to have some big career ambition like everyone else seems to have, I need to want a big life. But I love my stupid little life the way it is. I want to be alive and do things that make me happy. I don't need any goal beside that.

I purposefully used the word "stupid" here. It is a slur for disabled people - and 2021 is the year I decided to reclaim that for myself. I beat myself up for not being smart long enough. I was always terrified of people hearing me talk/seeing me do things "wrong" because they might think I am stupid... but guess what? I am stupid and that's okay! I am kind and loyal and passionate about stuff and funny in my own way and I am also very stupid.

Learning to not only accept but to embrace and to love myself as a disabled person has been an ongoing theme in my life over the past few years and I feel like I made a lot of progress with that in 2021.

One reason for that is I found out that I am autistic - I knew I had a social-emotional development disorder before but I just learned this year that this diagnosis falls on the autism spectrum. This new bit of knowledge actually helped me a lot as there is just so much more information available on autism as on my specific diagnosis. It may seem like it's just a technicality but it was a deeply empowering thing for me.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

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blackradandmad · 3 years

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why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

#lil rambles #long post t #idk why it's formatted like this ig cos i copy pasted from my fb?#whatever anyway idk why i waste my writing skills on shit literally nobody else but me cares abt #blippi #children's television

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aclosetfan · 3 years

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I’m still mad about Bunny from an earlier post so here’s some headcanons for an au affectionately titled “what could have happen if CN didn’t nuke the one ppg with an intellectual disability”

Long post! Look under the cut!

Bunny has Down Syndrome!

The Professor is a little...tifted when he finds out his children made another child, but Professor is a man full of love, so he takes it in stride. He’s never mad at Bunny, but the triplets have a very long and thorough talking to.

Bunny is an adjustment, but so were the triplets. Professor adjusts well to the change. He doesn’t like his lil honey bun (cause ofc he has embarrassing nicknames for her too) to go out and fight. He doesn’t want her getting too overstimulated and would rather leave the bigger villains to the girls. He can’t stop Bunny from running to help when her sisters call though!

Bunny is no damsel in distress!

But for the most part, Bunny does her part for the team by helping the professor in the lab! She’s a little uncoordinated when she gets excited, but so is the Professor, so it’s a match made in heaven. She has her own lab gear and happily hands over tools and chemicals (w/supervision!) at the Professor’s request. She also very good at reminding the professor when it’s time for a break. Bunny doesn’t let him miss snack or bedtime.

She also makes sure his experiment have a touch of cutesy because Bunny loves her a bit of sparkle and frills!

Having a sister with an obvious disability is difficult for the girls in their own ways. But Bunny really teaches the girls a lot!

For Blossom, she has a hard time puzzling how Bunny was going to live a fulfilling life in an unforgiving world. Since Blossom strives for control over things she doesn’t understand, it takes her a little bit (and a few lectures from the professor) to realize that Bunny will find her own place and that she doesn’t have to be so anxious. Bunny will be fine. She’ll be okay. She’s not so fragile. (But Blossom still has bouts of extreme worry that her little sister won’t ever be accepted) Like I said though, Blossom strives for control and tries to help the Professor keep Bun well structured and safely entertained, but Bunny’s has an independent mind of her own and teaches Blossom that while structure is good, everyone deserves a little fun!

For Buttercup it’s a giant lesson in calm and patience, which if you follow the show, is generally the lesson Buttercup needs to learn. But Bunny isn’t Bubbles or another kid on the playground, she’s special in a different way and even though she has super powers too and can get a little rough—because Bunny often forgets her own strength—Buttercup has to often be remind that she needs to be gentle. It takes a little bit for Buttercup to realize that Bunny doesn’t get things right away and what Buttercup thinks is funny can be hurtful to her. But Buttercup does learn and she’s extremely protective of her baby sister. She finds games and sports that they both enjoy, and every once in while Buttercup will buckle down and play the princess that Bunny has to save. Fr Bunny and Buttercup never give up on each other.

Bubbles is immediately the best with Bunny. It’s not so much her disability that Bubbles has an issue with, it’s more like the family displacement. Bunny gets a lot of the extra attention Bubbles has been use to. Bunny and her like a lot of the same things—dolls, coloring books, things that glitter and sparkle, bright colors, stuffed animals etc. They’re both very much into everything girly. And that means Bubbles really has to learn to share. Her stuff, her sisters, her professor—everything. Sometimes she gets a little jealous, but after an incident with Octi (where the beloved stuffed animal was ripped in two and crudely taped back together by her little sister in apology), Bubbles eventually realizes that Bunny looks up to her as a strong, tough older sister and that’s A-Ok w/ Bubs. And I know it’s cliche but I think Bubs would give Bunny Octi—not forever mind you—they share.

School’s interesting! Bunny goes to preschool with them and gets her own special teacher. But kids can be cruel and the bullies of the preschool (which is, yeah, Mitch and his group) do what they do. The sisters learn early on how to deal with insensitivity and it’s not easy (especially for BC/Blossom), but with the help of Ms. Keane, the Professor, and Bunny herself, the preschool learns that Bunny’s just a little girl who likes to play too!

I mentioned this one in a previous post, but I think Mr. Green should be her parateacher instead of the girls substitute. That way his character can stay in the show and they can have the “don’t judge a book by its cover” episode. But now it can wrap back into the episode of Bunny’s first day of school to really hit the point home! Mr Green can explain that Bunny was “different” but the girls loved her anyway, so “hey give me a chance to, I promise I won’t let you down!” (The intensity of the episode would be heightened because the girls would be extra protective of Bun) (Bunny absolutely adores Mr. Green and Ms. Keane appreciates the help!)

Bunny teaches them how to stim!! Whether it’s flappin around or playing with slime the sisters like doing it together (and tbh they’re fun stress relievers that the triplets carry into adult life)!

Also, now that I think about, I don’t feel like Bunny would get over stimulated often, but it takes her a bit to calm down when she does. Bubbles is the best at calming her down when she gets too excited, but when she’s angry, it’d be BC. I think that’s because Buttercup’s marked as an aggressive kid and, like I mentioned earlier, her and Bunny’s relationship would be filled with “learning to be calm” lessons.

Bunny has sensory issues! Nbd we all do, but Bunny doesn’t like her ears being touched so sometimes it’s hard to brush her hair. She loves Blossom’s hair though and Blossom can usually convince her that if she wants long pretty hair she needs to wash and brush her own. Blossom and the Professor are the only ones allowed to touch her hair!

Sensory wise, Bunny only likes soft cotton clothing. Everything else is too ichy. She also only wears dresses because they’re both pretty and light. good thing t-shirt dresses exist!

Purple! Bunnies! Purple! Bunnies! She has a niche and my baby fills it!

Hard ‘T’s are hard for Bunny. They round into ‘D’s instead. So Buttercup becomes Buddercup except Buddercup can sometimes be too much too, so Bunny more often then not calls her sister Buddy and that’s how Buttercup eventually earns the nickname Bud.

If you h/c the girls with fingers, the Utonium’s learn sign language, which helps when Bunny become too over stimulated or has bouts of being non verbal! Buttercup has the hardest time, Blossom catches on the quickest, Bubbles and Bunny keep making up their own signs, and Professor’s just trying to teach them all!

Can’t stay in preschool forever! Kids grow up! Sucks though :/ because the girls don’t stay in the same class. But don’t worry the triplets make sure they always eat lunch with their sister! And two weeks into middle school they realize that their baby sister doesn’t need them much anyways. She’s the queen of the SPED room. She’s so helpful, kind, and popular that she’s socially doing better then her sisters 😂😂

Bunny really gets into gymnastics! She wants to be in the special olympics, but she has super powers and the Professor has to explain that having super powers is a bit like cheating. She throws a tantrum and Bubbles, with all her crafty genius, saves the day by making fake medals and trophies. The Utoniums though are still very involved in the special olympics and other like activities . It makes them all happy and Bunny gets to hand out the medals! (Helps that she’s a superhero 😏😉 always getting that special treatment)

Guys, my gal? She’s a huge flirt! If you’re like ew no, that’s morally wrong, you need to re-evaluate what YOU know about Down Syndrome! Yes developmentally she’s a little slower, but Bunny’s still a teenager—a growing young women—and very much human, so romantic idealtions are very normal. And that applies to all our friends irl too. It just depends on a persons mental capacity! Admittedly, the Professor was a little uncomfortable at first too because there’s consent and power imbalances to think about, but the people of similar age that Bunny interacts with on the daily are people just like her—like minded individuals with puppy crushes. You can’t deny a person their humanity, so when one of the boys in her SPED class gets the courage to ask her on a date the Professor buckles down and calls the boy’s mom.

Their date is a at a park, properly chaperoned by their parents. They swing and have a good time. They end it with a hug! It’s very exciting and Bunny doesn’t stop bragging about it. Two days later she’s broken up with her new BF for the next brave soul. (Truly everything stays completely innocent don’t worry. I can understand anyone’s concern—Bunny isn’t a sexual being she’s just a romantic. Also there’s ALWAYS a chaperone)

Her family still worries though. Blossom because she always worries about Bunny and the things Bunny could be missing out on. The Professor for much the same reason + she’s his little girl. Bubbles because her LITTLE sister keeps getting more dates then her. And Buttercup doesn’t worry much, but she is annoyed because if the Professor isn’t available, she’s the one who ALWAYS has to chaperone.

Why buttercup? Don’t let her fool you. She actually volunteers. She’d chaperone any of her sisters’ dates if Blossom and Bubbles would let her. Ain’t no gross boy touching her sisters.

Tbh bunny flirts with boys most of the time to embarrass and get a rise out of her sisters. She’s a lil shit sometimes. (It’s the spice in her)

Bunny also makes sure to keep her sisters IN CHECK. If she thinks they’re being too judgmental or mean to the “bad guys,” she makes sure they remember how they were mean to HER.

Most of the main villains though don’t know her. Mojo tried something once and ended up being carted back to Townsville Correctional Facility in a gurney. Bunny has an aversion to violence after the “you’re being bad” incident, so she isn’t one to fight/protect herself (protecting her sisters is another story tho lol she’d kill for them), but her sisters are fiercely protective. Incredibly protective. So protective that when the other main villains saw Mojo carted into jail they went 😬😬😬 and stayed away.

She meets Princess though! She likes Princess for all her glittery dress-up shit. Idk how yet, but I think she’d be a good catalyst for Princess’s redemption arc (along with Robin, who yes is also Bunny’s best friend). She thinks Princess’s hair is pretty and really let’s be honest Princess goes soft because she likes the positive attention. In Princess’s defense, she was never insensitive to Bunny’s disability. She’s a ppg and a ppg is what Princess wants to be. Sure, she’s petty, but goodness gracious, Blossom, she’s well versed in etiquette and that’s just uncouth.

And she meets the boys because she’s a flirt remember? Boomer’s name is her favorite but she never gets the “-er” part out. Just likes the way BOOM sounds. Her sisters have to remind her to use her inside voice, but Boomer’s a good sport about his ear drums being blown out and usually yells right on back. She thinks they’re cute! Like Princess, Bunny makes the boys feel liked and needed and helps them along their redemption arc! But they’re hesitant to be around her because they saw MoJo and....😬😬😬 (hell would freeze over before the girls let them near her anyway) (their fear is also why they aren’t completely insensitive shits towards Bunny—Mitch is a human so he got away from a beating, but someone like Butch?? Nah, BC’s always actively looking for a reason to decimate him)

Bun’s fave villain though is Fuzzy. He’s like a giant fuzzy pink teddy bear!

Bunny’s essentially made out of the exact same stuff as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice. So what if she’s a smidge bit different. Everyone loves her just the same!

#headcanons #ppg Bunny #I’d die for this girl #she deserves love #and the next story I write I’m putting her in it #if someone thinks I need to amend of change anything lemme know!!#no intention here to be insensitive!#I wrote this in a daze so sorry if it isn’t coherent

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wolfstar-in-color · 3 years

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Personal account: How IDs help us and how our learning process has been

Today in Wolfstar in Color, we close our week that’s been focused on disabilities, ID’s and accessibility (check our Monday fic rec list, our Tuesday post ‘what are ID’s’, our resources Wednesday with links to pages that help in the task, our Thursday post ‘how to do ID’s) with sharing a bit about how it’s been our learning process of making image descriptions. We really hope we find some new blogs, both from artists and fans, including and adding descriptions to their visual content, so our fandom gets flooded with them.

This personal recount is going to be focused in my experience (Moth) since I’m newer at this practice, and so some of you might find it easier to relate with that! I had all the fears, all the questions, and I think I’ve made more than one mistake in my descriptions. If you ever have questions, want to yell into the void, or want to find some motivation to keep doing image descriptions, you can always leave us an ask. Honestly, it would be lovely just to know more people are doing this.

The rest of the post is under a cut, since it’s kinda long - but I also offer some advise at the end based on my own experience, so I really invite y’all to read!

How Image descriptions help me

Doing Images description has helped me realize how much I rely on them when I’m low in spoons, and how helpful they can be to learn about the meaning and intent of an image in the creator’s perspective. Sometimes, when I’m very exhausted, I can’t process some stimuli too well (particularly videos), and video and image descriptions allow me to engage while also not needing to use my whole brain to understand what the artist/creator is trying to convey, nor getting sensory overload with sound in videos in my case. So yeah, please bring more images description into the internet. They really, really help a lot of people to participate in fandom.

What I’ve learnt from doing Image descriptions

Learning how to do Images descriptions has been fun and important for me to also take perspective about how to work for a more accessible internet for everyone. Internet is important for a lot of us, including those who are disabled and immunosuppressed, since engaging with the same intensity as before with the outside world in the middle of a pandemic is not always an option. But honestly, I think the pandemic has shown how relationships and engagement in spaces like fandom might be important to build opinion, practice solidarity, learn about perspective taking, and build resource networks and friendships for everyone.

Writing Images descriptions is a skill, without a doubt. As such, is something you have to grow into. This is still a new skill I’m trying to master. Yes, it takes time to read a bit and get used to how to go about certain characteristics, with what information to start with, how not to ‘tear apart’ the artwork (I particularly struggle with symbols and sometimes, because of the scope of this blog, how to convey ethnicity, especially when a creator doesn’t have an explicit identity/ethnicity/race description in their blog/image). I still tend to start with ‘image of’ or other context descriptors that are not really needed. I still get very unsure about how I’m doing, but at the end of the day, the learning process can only be done by trying. The positive feedback and gentle correction don’t hurt either!

I’ve also discovered in the process that doing image descriptions is incredible entertaining for me - and it’s honestly an activity I enjoy since it allows me to sort of ‘disconnect’ my brain and just submerge myself in the work of artists. I think it has helped me to hone my own writing skills too. It’s not too different to try to bring into life a description of a scene in a fic, only that it’s more of an inter-textual experience, since you are also trying to convey the intentions of the artist, bring their work to life for other people, and that makes me incredibly happy, and makes the activity really rewarding.

Some personal tips when doing IDs

- Don’t do them in mass, if you are low on spoons. The last ones are going to suck. Don’t overdo and burn out, because it’s hard to come back from there. Be honest with yourself if you can’t do more.

- Find a pal that might be able to read your IDs and rant with you when you are struggling (thanks Theo!!). But if you are on your own, that’s fine too!

- Contact the artist, if they are still on tumblr or other social media, if you got any doubt with a part of the image. Do so after you do your research in basic stuff (clothing, for example), but don’t back up from the task just because you are not sure about something in the image! Most artists are going to be thrilled to help you, and it might be a nice way to bring some awareness too of the need of using descriptions in videos, gifs and images.

- Do IDs for images/videos/gifsets you love. I know a lot of the tips we’ve handed are about ‘keeping it short’ but honestly, the goal is to give an experience, so if you are like me and need lots of words, then allow yourself to do that! If you are passionate and give a long, poetic description, worthy of its own fic, it’s likely people will appreciate it (and to be honest, if you get inspired to write something inspired in the image? it’s a win-win situation!)

- Make the ‘ID time’ an special, ‘me’ time - for me, is very close to meditating, to be honest. Put some fun music. Make a playlist that fit the artwork. Let yourself get loose in not having to think about anything but the beautiful artwork you are enjoying for a few good minutes.

- Use resources!! wolfstar-in-color has been posting things that help a lot in the process of writing ID! use the guide to write skin tones from writing in color! use the pose reference from Adorka stock (the poses usually have name in the stock!)! Go dig on @blindbeta‘s posts, use the guides to draw wheelchairs to learn how to describe the different parts. And if stuck, go ask in wonderful blogs the details you need to learn to do an effective and respectful description. There are more resources to come in the blog, but there are amazing blogs for trans and queer issues, ethnic and racial diversity, history, clothing and art, that you can look for yourself too!

- Something I’m trying to do more now: offer the artists you know the IDs you’ve done so they put them with the artwork, instead of adding an image description that likely, will only be reblogged half of the time. Who knows, it might end up with you two striking a collab mode of working!

So with that, here in Wolfstar in Color, we invite you to help us fill the fandom with image descriptions of the beautiful fanart, fanvids, gifsets and other visual content we have! If you don’t feel too confident, you can always submit the link to the image and your description, if you want us to post it for you, but we honestly invite you to give it a try, use the resources we are providing, and work with us to make this fandom more accessible!

#Resources #Accesibility #Image Descriptions #Neurodivergency #Fandom Life

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thechangeling · 4 years

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Lost and Found:

Happy birthday Alex! @catadorass I hope this is everything you wanted, or at least sort of what you wanted lol. I wrote this from Ty's pov because it's really importance to showcase his side of the story.

Nothing about us without us Cassie.

"Hey can we talk" Ty heard Kit ask from behind him.

It was late. Very late, most likely past 12 by this point and they had all just finished doing another late night round of frustrating and pointless research. They being, Ty, Kit, Dru, Jaime, Janessa a wayward Vampire who traveled all over with her band, but was originally from LA, Thais a Brazilian Shadowhunter who was dating Janessa, and Ash, the son of Sebastian Morgenstern and The Seelie Queen who had betrayed Janus, who had tasked Ash with infiltrating the Los Angeles institute and killing Kit. However, Ash and Kit had ended up bonding immensely. This had caused Ash to essentially switch sides and work towards protecting Kit from Janus trying to kill him. There was also The Seelie Queen trying to abduct him in order to obtain control of his powers, and generally anyone else who wanted to get their hands on the first heir.

At first Ty was a little worried that Ash was in love with Kit, but the pair seemed to be very platonic, just heavily invested in one another like Kit and Janessa. And of course Ty had no business being jealous either way. He and Kit had both been engaged in various- well relationships wasn't the right word, but various flings of sorts over the past few months, but he still couldn't help but think of Kit as his.

Which didn't make any sense because Kit had left.

What made even less sense was that Ty still loved him.

Ty braced himself and then turned to face Kit. It was clear how exhausted he was from the events of the past few weeks. They were up against The Seelie Queen, Janus, The Cohort, also several supernatural disturbances that didn't make a lot of sense. Anush, his friend at the scholomance was researching the problem there. It was quite possible that it had to do with Livvy's presence.

Ty really didn't want to think about that.

He also really missed Alyssa, a new friend of his that he had met while she was studying at the scholomance. But she had left to rejoin her werewolf pack in New York. They had bonded over both being autistic, and in moments where Ty was anxious or overwhelmed he wished he could summon her to his side.

Moments like this one.

Livvy was hovering nearby, giving him a look over Kit's shoulder. Ty ignored it.

Ty nodded at Kit without fully meeting his eyes. "Fine. We can talk. Liv can you leave us alone for a moment?" He asked. Livvy scowled slightly, but did as she was told. Looking back at Kit he couldn't help but still be slightly comforted by his presence. And even though Kit was visibly worn out and stressed, he was still the most beautiful thing Ty had ever seen.

Ty did his best to remain as cold as possible. "What do you want Kit?" He asked harshly. Kit flinched slightly in response, and Ty was caught in between feeling victorious and feeling like he had just been stabbed. Kit shook his head slightly.

"Come on Ty aren't you sick of this? Don't you miss me? The way things used to be?" Kit inquired angrily. "I'm sorry I left. But I forgave you. Isn't it time you forgave me?"

Ty honestly had no words. He just continued to glare at Kit. Did Kit honestly not have a single idea what Ty was feeling?

But wasn't it obvious? How hurt he was? How utterly broken he was?

Ty took a long deep breath to keep himself calm. His fingers were aggressively flicking at his sides. Kit took his silence as a sign to keep talking.

"Look. I talked to Dru."

Seriously. Now we're involving my sister in this? As if Livvy wasn't already bad enough?

"She sort of helped me realize some things, you know" Kit continued. "She pointed out to me that I should ask you how you feel, instead of just assuming that I already know." Kit was nervously shifting back and forth on the spot.

"Wow" Ty muttered sarcastically under his breath. He looked Kit dead in the eye and spoke. "What a revolutionary concept. That I should be allowed to speak for myself for once, and not have you, Drusilla or anyone else do it for me."

Kit sighed, his eyes softening. It was in that moment that Ty was close to forgiving him.

He desperately wanted to be able to run to Kit and throw his arms around him. To hold him, and kiss him and tell him how much Ty had missed him and that he was so brave and beautiful and sweet, and that Ty belonged to him.

But Ty couldn't cave now. Not until he made Kit understand.

"I'm sorry ok?" Kit pleaded. "I get why you're pissed but-"

Ty couldn't help it. He laughed. Even though nothing about this situation was in any way humorous. "No Kit." He shook his head. "You really don't."

Kit looked a little angry at that. Fine. Ty thought. If you hurt me then I'll just hurt you back.

"Fine." Kit breathed, his voice sounding surprisingly gentle. "Then tell me."

Ty was instantly brought back to the roof of the London institute. Tell me. Tell me what you need. He willed himself not to cry.

Ty took a deep breath, glaring at Kit. "Alright. Here's the thing. I am angry. I'm so angry that I can hardly breathe and no one notices." Ty snapped.

Kit opened his mouth to interject but Ty shook his head, eyes blazing with fury and tears. "No!" He shouted. "You said your piece already. Now let me say mine."

Kit stayed silent.

"I am quite literally always dealing with everything coming at me all at once, and Kit I know this is a very horrible situation for you, but I am just as stressed as you are, because despite what you might believe, I don't want you to fucking die!" Ty screamed.

Kit looked absolutely horrified. Ty was pretty sure he had never heard him swear before.

"I'm dealing with new people, new dangers, and I might lose Livvy again. I have all of this stress, all of this sensory information bombarding me 24/7. We barely sleep! We're all constantly together when we're awake! There's no time for me to stim, no time to breathe because we are all working to rescue you from your own fate!" He shouted. "And I'll do it too! Because of course I will! "It doesn't matter if I'm angry, or stressed, or tired, or scared! It doesn't matter that you broke my heart when you left me because for some unknown reason, you thought I could handle it!" Ty cried.

Kit was shaking his head. But he didn't look angry, just devastated. "Ty" he whispered, but Ty cut him off.

"Everybody always seems to think I'm either unbreakable or far too fragile and I need to be coddled and I'm sick of it. "I'm furious with you for promising that you wouldn't leave, and then telling me that you wished you had never met me when I thought I was never going to get Livvy back" Ty sobbed.

Kit gasped. Ty noticed that his eyes were filled with tears. Kit shook his head aggressively. "Sweetheart no" he breathed. "I didn't mean that. I swear."

Ty heard himself make an unrecognizable sound. His fingers were now aggressively fluttering at his sides. He clenched them into fists to stop them from moving. Kit began to step forward then stopped himself.

"Sweetheart" Ty whispered under his breath in awe. Alyssa had once told him that what he was doing now was called sub-vocalizing. He could hear her voice in his head. When our brains get stuck on a word or a phrase because it was so shocking or we can't stop thinking about it, or it brought out a huge emotional reaction in us, then we mouth it or we say it out loud over and over again.

"Sweetheart" he mouthed, warmth overflowing his body.

"I'm- I'm sorry" Kit stammered. "I didn't mean to upset you." Ty recovered himself quickly, shaking his head.

"No it's fine" he said firmly. "You just surprised me." Kit looked down at the ground. He looked embarrassed, defeated. He looked exactly the way he looked on the beach three years ago.

No. No don't go there. He doesn't really love you.

Ty continued on. "And at least I got Livvy back in a sense, but you still left me and I didn't survive that." There were fresh tears running down his face. Exhaustion was definitely catching up with him. Ty partly just wanted to let it go and go to sleep, but he needed Kit to understand.

"You cannot under any circumstances ever tell an autistic person that you're never leaving and then go back on your word Kit!" Ty exclaimed. "This is why we all have trust issues! Because we're naive, so we let our guards down because we just want someone to choose us. Not out of pity but out of genuine love. And it wasn't like this had never happened to me before but you were supposed to be different." Ty said defeated. He looked over at Kit and waited for Kit's eyes to meet his.

Ty had always hated eye contact. Mostly because it physically hurt and made him feel really awkward, but also because it felt too open. Too vunrable. As though someone could see into his soul and know all of his secrets just by looking.

Well he had never felt that way with Kit. Or maybe he just had never cared about letting Kit really see him. All of him. And they didn't have any secrets from each other. At least not anymore. Kit looked back at him and Ty could see it all. Hurt, exhaustion, longing, and love.

Love? Ty shook his head, physically willing himself not to be sucked in.

But there was no point.

"And that's why I fell in love with you" Ty admitted.

Kit's eyes widened almost comically. He inhaled sharply staring at Ty with an expression Ty was having trouble placing. Up until tonight, Ty hadn't actually looked at Kit. He had been avoiding it for some time now. Most likely because he was afraid of what he might see. Would he recognize the person that Kit had become?

But all Ty could see now was what he had actually been avoiding from Kit all those years ago. It was that look of complete awe and adoration. Like Ty had all of the answers to the secrets of the universe.

And Ty really really really didn't.

It was painful, because as much as he was angry with Kit, he also didn't want to hurt him or let him down again.

Ty fought to keep his voice steady as he spoke. "The worst part is, in the end I know i'll probably forgive you eventually. I will do what I always do. Take the high road. Be the bigger person and let it go because I have to. Because I'm never allowed to be angry Kit, and I'm not allowed to hold grudges because everyone is always convinced that I'm overreacting." Ty said bitterly.

"So it doesn't matter that you hurt me. It doesn't matter how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep at the scholomance or how many bad decisions I made during some futile attempt to feel something other then pain, and it doesn't matter that you might hurt me again" Ty lamented. He was fully aware that he was crying, but that didn't matter anymore.

Kit was staring at him dumbfounded like Ty was speaking another language, but the pain in his eyes was clear.

Ty shrugged slightly. "I'll still love you Kit, no matter what, because that's just how I am."

Kit took a deep breath, wiping away at his tears. "Ty- I'm so sorry. I- I didn't know" he stammered. Kit slowly began to approach Ty, carefully as if he were a wounded animal. "I'm sorry I didn't think about it like that. When I told you I loved you and you didn't say anything back, I just assumed you didn't want me, that you didn't care." He was standing directly in front of Ty now, and Ty couldn't help but stare into his eyes.

Suddenly, Ty was overwhelmed with the powerful urge to touch him. To reach out and comfort him. For Ty it was almost as instinctive as breathing. Instead he just shook his head.

"That's not true, it never was" Ty said adamently. "I was torn apart. Everything with Livvy was just too overwhelming and I just couldn't lose her Kit!" He protested forcefully. "But I always cared about you. I honestly just thought you knew."

Kit paused for a moment, then slowly reached for Ty's hand. Ty didn't fight him, only watched as Kit traced the lines on his hand. After a pause, Kit looked back up at him. " You're right. I shouldn't have assumed. I should have just asked you how you felt" Kit admitted. "I'm so sorry Ty." His voice broke. "I'm so sorry for leaving, for making you feel like I didn't care." Kit lifted his other hand, the one that wasn't holding onto Ty, and placed his palm softly on the side of Ty's cheek. He shook his head, almost in disbelief.

Ty fought the urge to close his eyes and lean into it.

Kit continued. "Honestly the truth is Ty, I fucking adore you. I love you so much." Ty heard himself inhale sharply. Kit was so close now, only centameters apart. It wouldn't take much just to lean over and kiss him.

Wait.

No. Not yet.

We're not done.

Ty scoffed slightly. "Yeah you say that Kit, but at the end of the day those are just words. Pretty, empty words." Ty almost regreted it as soon as he saw the look on Kit's face. Up close he could see the heartbreak in his eyes. Ty could also see the dark circles under his eyes which were a little red. He could see the dried tears smeared across Kit's cheeks.

Ty couldn't help but look at the broken boy in front of him and hate himself a little for the damage he had clearly caused.

Look at what you did to him, a cruel voice inside him whispered.

This is what you do. You hurt people, break their hearts and make them regret ever knowing you. This is all that you are. Selfish, cold and cruel.

Ty shook it off. It wasn't true. He loved Kit, just as he loved his family and his friends. It didn't matter that there were some people who refused to see that, refused to see that just because he felt differently, didn't mean that he was unable to feel. Some days, the sheer strength of what he felt for Kit threatened to break him in half it was so powerful. It was almost too much to bare. So Ty squashed it down and pushed it to the side, molded it so that it was more manageable and less scary.

Kit let out a soft breath of air and closed his eyes, he let go off Ty and dropped his head forward so that it was resting against Ty's shoulder. Kit was slightly shorter then Ty which Ty had always found amusing. Kit, less so, but secretly one of the things Ty had always loved about their height difference was that he could tuck Kit into the nape of his neck. Ty loved the feeling of Kit's curls against his skin.

"This isn't empty Ty" he murmured, nuzzling the side of Ty's neck. "This is everything."

Kit's voice was so quiet that Ty almost didn't hear him.

Kit pulled back slightly and tilted his head up to look at Ty. They were so close that their noses were slightly touching. Kit was staring up at him through half-lidded eyes. His hands were trailing up Ty's arms, pulling slightly at the fabric of his sleeves. His lips were parted slightly, staring up at Ty with so much love in his eyes.

"Beautiful" Ty whispered under his breath.

Kit looked utterly beautiful, and before Kit had the chance to answer him Ty was pressing his mouth to Kit's in a deep passionate kiss. The moment their lips touched, Ty almost let out a sigh of relief, sliding his hands up to Kit's face to cup his cheeks. Kit made a sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a moan, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. Ty could feel Kit's hands all over him, rubbing across his back and then finally settling on Ty's waist. Ty pulled back slightly, noticing that Kit was straining himself to reach Ty's height, pulling himself up on his tip toes.

Ty couldn't help but laugh. "You really are quite short aren't you?" He teased. Kit looked like he was about to cry so Ty kissed him again, attempting to pour all of the love he had for Kit into the kiss. He slowly moved his hands down Kit's body, then bent down slightly to lift him up. Kit wrapped his legs around Ty's waist and threw his arms around Ty's shoulders kissing him sensually. Ty clung to Kit even tighter, afraid of what would happen if they let each other go.

He remembered way back when he and Kit had first been getting to know each other and Kit had told him that he was pretty sure Ty was autistic. He had given him a bunch of articles and official clinical descriptions and terms that made Ty feel distant and afraid. But then he had recommended Ty check out posts on social media sites made by autistic people and Ty had been completely swept into it. There was an entire tag on tumblr dedicated to autism, and Ty had spent hours scrolling through the posts feeling overwhelmed in the best way possible by a sense of community and belonging.

He had come across this one blog dedicated purely to autistic love and lust and how it manifests differently. Ty remembered reading one quote in particular that had made him feel hot and shivery all over, and painfully aware of Kit's presence next to him. It had stayed with him all this time.

I want to ink myself underneath your skin.

Ty gently put him down for a moment and leaned his forehead against Kit's. They were both breathing heavily.

"I missed you" Ty whispered. Kit smiled at him beautifully.

"I missed you too sweetheart."

Edit: This is old but I'm tagging @ti-bae-rius in this because I honestly just want your opinion lol.

#kit x ty #tda #twp #tsc #kaitlin'swriting

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chickenfreeblog · 3 years

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chicken i'm a teacher and i feel like a lot of the advice given to teachers for how best to support students with adhd comes from the neurotypical community. things like chunk information into smaller parts, give frequent breaks, use fidget toys, etc. and maybe that's all good advice (??), but is there anything you wish teachers would do differently? things that would give your brain the best chance of learning?

oh man this is such a good thoughtful question & one that i hope every teacher thinks about, but i know it’s tough so i really appreciate that you are!! i think the ones you gave are pretty good practical tips, honestly? i’m hoping other people will jump in because i just have my experience to speak from.

a couple things that i would say that are less... concrete but just stuff i wish my teachers had known:

- the formal dx isn’t everything / don’t assume that kids are neurotypical

i know there’s a lot of paperwork and stuff around these issues for you guys, so this can be a little tough to manage. one thing that happened to me though and that i hear a lot from friends is just like..... it’s hereditary, and also there’s a lot of stigma around being neurodivergent, especially in older generations? i know my mom really pushed back against anyone that suggested that i had adhd, because she has the exact same symptoms and was kind of like Why Are These Teachers Using This Parent Teacher Conference To Call Me a Big Freak. i know other parents that just think it’s too weird to have an nd kid and basically picked any possible weird workaround over getting an actual diagnosis. i think a lot of teachers kind of look at formal dx as a way to separate kids who are lazy but normal from kids who have “real problems,” and that can get really super gnarly if you’re, y’know, a ten year old whose parents just don’t believe in the idea of adhd for whatever reason.

- don’t assume that kids aren’t trying?

i know there’s totally just some kids that need more motivation for whatever reason, but...... i think the flipside is that..... you can also just put a ton of pressure on a kid who is genuinely trying super hard? i think a lot of teachers have a little bit of an idea that there’s a series of magic words that they can say to properly motivate a kid, and then presto, they’ll follow directions and be Fixed. and definitely they mean well!! but also i think you can really easily make a kid shut down if they’re trying their absolute hardest & none of the adults around them are perceiving it at all? it honestly was pretty traumatic to want to be good at school So Badly and still have every adult be constantly like okay...... we need to talk about why you’re lazy and don’t care and why you’re shitty at this, actually. i think my best teachers just really had a sense of humor about the fact that i was going to misunderstand stuff or forget deadlines and that it wasn’t a matter of them teaching it badly or me not caring to learn.

- if you figure out how to work with one kid with adhd..... congratulations you figured out how to work with one (1) kid with adhd

this is something that autistic people have talked about a lot, but i think it also really holds true for adhd? my partner and i always make each other a lil crazy because despite having Same Guy Disease we have uhhh completely opposite needs. jay’s dyslexic mcfuck and he wants verbal instructions and someone to talk to basically every waking minute or he’s like I’M BORED I NEED TASKS NOW!!! IMMEDIATELY!!! I’M POKING THE WORLD WITH A STICK. DO SOMETHING. whereas i..... cannot interpret verbal instructions worth one good goddamn and if you give me strict instructions and deadlines with no wiggle room i’ll simply get claustrophobic and die. like my ideal school situation is someone gives me a textbook full of problems and they sit in another room and never speak to me unless i have a question. genuinely. i know there’s some skepticism in ed about learning styles, but i do think for people with Sensory Stuff that just being... more thoughtful about how information is delivered and how they’re receiving it can really help? a lot of adhd people really struggle with written info or verbal info, and if you’re relying 100% on one option it’s... kind of impossible for them to Do School in any real way.

- just have a sense of humor / support kids if they figure out a way that works for them?

i kinda mentioned this earlier, but i think a lot of people fall into the trap of thinking that they can motivate every kid into doing things The Right Way, and then a lot of kids just shut down instead? genuinely the teachers i got along with the best were the ones that just.... kind of sat back and accepted that like, i was not native to their environment and wasn’t going to be able engage with stuff the way they envisioned. i took the same math teacher for three years of high school because at one point i just started ignoring her lectures & doing homework during every class. instead of confronting me about it she just was kind of like “weird!!! not technically a sin though!” and we?? got along great after that? like literally better than i had ever gotten along with a teacher until then. i didn’t even know you could go to math class and not cry! amazing. i won’t say i was ever super great at math, but i went from being the kid getting Fs on every single test and never turning in homework to being a pretty reliable B+ student. she totally could’ve gotten offended in that situation since she was trying dang hard to give an interesting lecture, but having her just kind of go “weird! okay” and not be like Callout Post: This Child Is So Annoying made such a huge fucking difference for me (shoutout to ms. butler thank you for letting me graduate high school etc etc)

let kids see other life paths without judgment

kind of in line with the motivation thing, but i think like.... yes kids with ADHD can absolutely thrive in academics, but also make it clear that it’s not a catastrophe if it’s not a good environment for them? there’s so much rhetoric around “you have to do well in 1st grade so you can get into harvard and be a lawyer” or whatever, and i think kids who struggle pick up on that more than people realize. i remember really genuinely feeling like there was straight up not a future for me if i didn’t find a way to just like.... get a new brain??? and i wish i’d had positive role models for the idea that like. you can have a cool interesting life even if you’re very bad at sitting in a lecture!! it’s fine!! maybe you can’t be an astronaut or whatever but it’s still worth trying to graduate and see what’s out there

OKAY my two practical tips: let kids wander the fuck around AND also. start a knitting club

okay this is just for me but lmaoooooooo my elementary school teachers thought i was gonna SIT STILL??? and THINK???? at the SAME TIME???? i don’t even do that as a 25 year old. please. you know those bikes that like power electricity generators? that’s what a hyperactive brain is like. if they’re not moving they’re just not doing anything.

also yeah knitting club. you gotta. my 4th grade teacher sucked so bad on every single front listed above and she hated me soooooo much but she did teach me how to sit through a 30 minute meeting without crying. fucking around with string and sticks IS adhd culture probably. idk.

#sorry this is so many words but obviously i think about this Constantly hjgs #hope some of it helps!! also feel free to ask questions or wtv #anon #ask

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freckledfangs · 3 years

Text

hesitations

pairing: mason x f!detective (amihan marasigan) rating: T (no smut, mostly because of subject matter) warnings: mentions of body image issues (nothing too detailed/explicit but it is mentioned)

summary: alternate rooftop scene where amihan reveals one of the reasons she’s keeping back from sleeping with mason (soft!m is present)

(tagging @oxjenayxo you said you wanted to be notified when it was up! ty!) ___ The rough stone of the roof is cold under Amihan’s palms. She wonders how this wasn’t too much for Mason - the biting frost of the night air. But then again, as he said the rooftop was quiet. And she too, can feel a comforting wave of peace fall upon her. Even if it were just that moment.

And also there was that, the comfortable silence she can have with him. One she found was hard to find with anyone else besides Tina. She can barely see anything past the hazy shadow of the trees (she should really wear her glasses more often), but the unknown of the dark doesn’t scare her. She glances at the proximity of her hands next to Mason’s. The temptation to move it closer is there. It’s always there, the want to be closer to him.

“So you can’t sleep?” Mason asks. It’s earnest with a hint of teasing. He wraps his arms around himself, pulling his leather coat tighter against him.

“Nope,” Amihan replies. It’s not till then she realizes that the panicked thudding in chest has slowed. The remnants of the nightmare are slowly, but surely leaving her mind.

“I can think of a few ways to tire you out,” he says, smirk audible.

Ahh there he is. Amihan chuckles. She pulls her knees against her chest, daring not to look at Mason or his gleaming eyes right now.

“Of course you do,” she returns in jest. She can feel the heat of his gaze and every time, it’s almost enough to make her give in.

“The offer is always there, sweetheart.”

The way he purrs “sweetheart” churns undeniable desire in her belly. She wonders how it’d sound against her ear while his hands are on her skin. She dares to look at him, not attempting to hide the flush on her cheeks. Even if she tried, he could always tell.

His gaze is intense, moonlight tracing the sharp angles of his gorgeous face. Sometimes it’s too much looking at him, Amihan thinks.

“Hm,” she says, pressing her cheek against her knee, “I bet you’ll take that offer right back once you really see me.”

Mason raises a brow, genuine confusion falling onto his face.

“What do you mean?”

His tone is surprisingly serious.

Amihan picks at the hem of her sweatpants. She assumed he would lead this into some joke, or another opportunity to flirt.

She wonders if he’s playing along or if he really means it. Surely he knows what she means, and she hopes he does, because the thought of having to say it out loud makes her skin crawl.

“You know what I mean,” she says as lightheartedly as possible, though she knows Mason is aware of how serious she is. She shifts in her position and turns back to look at the dark, seemingly never-ending shadows of the woods.

“I don’t,” Mason replies, without a hint of sarcasm or snark in his words.

Amihan sucks in her cheeks, sitting straight up. The raw edges of the skin by her fingernails look tempting now. She moves a hand to pick at it, before pulling her hoodie sleeve over her hand. No, not now. You’ve been doing well.

“Here’s the truth. Mason, I really want you,” Amihan begins, instead fiddling with the loose thread on her hoodie sleeve, “I really, really want you and it’s frightening to me. Because you’ve made it clear that you do too. But part of me believes you’re doing it as a joke or for a laugh. And another part believes that if I do give in you’ll change your mind.”

“Sweetheart,” he replies, “If I didn’t mean it, I wouldn’t be dragging it out this long. I wouldn’t have flirted with you to begin with.”

Amihan lets out a long exhale. Mason has never lied, has never been false about his intentions. Everything that’s happened has been proof of that - but why this, the fact that he wants her in that way was so hard to believe?

“That’s good to know,” she manages to say. She can’t look at him now. “But what if you don’t like what you see?”

Mason furrows his brows, once again, genuine confusion falling onto his face.

“I obviously like what I see-”

“Once we get intimate. What if you don’t like how I look then,” she quickly interjects, biting the inside of her cheek. She’s thought of those words forever, but saying them out loud feels like unearthing something deep and awful.

For once Mason is stunned silent.

“Why wouldn’t I like-”

“Because I’m ugly,” she interjects again, fearing a frustrated response from him. She’s relieved when it doesn’t come.

He pauses to say something, but not before Amihan can continue.

“And no, I’m not fishing for sympathy or whatever. It’s why I never bring this up.”

A torrent of tears trickles down her cheeks. Embarrassing.

She begind to stand up and leave. That was enough of that. That was not where she was hoping it’d go.

“Amihan.”

Mason has never said her name before - or at least, never from what she can remember. It’s enough to make her freeze in her steps.

“Embarrassing, I know,” she says, her back turned.

“No,” Mason says. She hears him get up.

“Well,” Amihan sniffs, wiping her face with her sleeve, “Tell me now if you no longer want anything to do with me.”

She feels his footsteps close in, the warmth of his presence coming nearer.

“It might sound disingenuous,” he says, “But I do, still want you. But if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable, I won’t push it anymore.”

Amihan sighs, pang stinging in her chest.

“But that’s just the thing, it doesn’t. I want nothing more than to…,” she trails off, “I just. I hate how I look. I hate how my body looks and I am so scared you will too.”

She finally turns to face him, blinking away tears. There’s a certain softness in his eyes she doesn’t think she’s ever seen. He shoves his hands in his pocket and looks at her.

“I have no idea if it means anything coming from me, but I won’t,” he assures, “You’re stunning.”

There’s a gentleness in his final words that make Amihan’s stomach leap. It frightens her too.

“I don’t believe it, but...thank you,” she replies.

“I’d like to make you believe it,” he smirks, “Even if it doesn’t involve...that.”

Amihan can’t help the smile it coaxes.

“So tell me now,” he says, more serious this time, “Would you like me to stop?”

Amihan rocks back and forth on her heels. She looks at his eyes, gleaming as always.

“No,” she answers, “But...it might take. A while.”

He runs a hand through his hair, chuckling.

“I have forever, sweetheart.”

The weight of his reply is heavier than she expected.

_____________

As Amihan walks away, the sound of her heartbeat grows faint, as does the feeling of peace that had enveloped Mason.

Suddenly, the crickets are too loud, the breeze too frosty, and the stone roof too rough beneath his skin. He pulls his jacket tighter against him. When he can no longer hear Amihan’s heartbeat, he pulls a cigarette from his pocket and lights it, dampening the sensory overload.

He takes a long drag and exhales. He thinks about Amihan - something he finds himself doing often, almost all the time. He ignores the desire to just have her close.

What bothers him even more than the rattling of tree branches, was that Amihan had meant everything she said earlier. He knows what lies feel like, even half truths, but very few people have ever laid anything so raw and bare before him. His brows knot at the notion that Amihan finds herself ugly.

It’s ridiculous. He doesn’t understand why it bothers him.

Had anyone else said that about Amihan, a quick fist to the jaw would fix it. But what now that it’s Amihan herself? There’s a want in him to prove to her that what she believes is wrong. Because it’s wrong.

Amihan is beautiful.

And for a moment there, the fear of Amihan telling him to back off was too real. And the fear, maybe wasn’t from not being able to get intimate with her. Maybe the fear was from the idea of no longer being able to be around her.

The idea makes his head spin.

He takes another drag from the cigarette. He can see the sun peeking from the horizon. It’s almost time to crawl back to his room.

#twc #twc mason #agent mason #mason x detective #agent m #my fic #amihan marasigan #amihan x mason

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theeyesinthenight · 4 years

Text

College Tips for Neurodivergence and Chronic Illness

Hey Everyone!I just wanted to talk for a minute about the stuff that I do to make college slightly easier to get through, and ask around for if anyone else has any advice.

Physically going to class:

1. Physical Calmness: Make a small physical maintenance travel bag that you carry with you EVERYWHERE. Include things like moisturizer, chapstick, cough drops/sucking candy, nail clippers, hair ties, eye drops, pain relief meds, sunglasses- anything that you frequently need to maintain you and your body’s ability to be calm. Sensory overload frequently becomes a thing on campus, and frequently overstimming on campus can make it really hard to want to go to class every day. I carry 6 ponytails, 2 chapstick, 4 advil, 4 sucking candies, 2 tampons, emergency ear plugs and earphones, gloves, moisturizer and sunglasses every day and I swear they make the difference between wanting to run crying out of my classroom and being able to hold on some days.

2. Make Checklists: Especially if you deal with executive function issues (like me!) you can build checklists for every day, repetitive tasks as well as normal to-dos to help you manage everything at once without forgetting anything. Don’t feel obliged to make the list pretty or perfect, just keep adding and refining the lists as you notice stuff you’ve forgotten or usually do. Write lists for literally everything. There is no shame to writing everything down. That being said, if you end up scheduling your days, always leave yourself an hour or two a day and like 10-15 minutes before crucial junctures so you aren’t stressed about running late and can actually unwind sometimes.

3. Eat: Some people will have meal plans, some will cook at home and bring stuff to school, but it’s absolutely fucking critical to chemical homeostasis (especially if you do what I do and wind up in class from like 10 am to 7 pm) to plan when and what you’ll eat- either by scheduling adequate meal breaks to go buy it, or packing it ahead of time. This is when lists can help: I remember to pack my lunch and snacks every morning or prep food for consumption when I get home only because I leave it on sticky notes on my phone when I go to sleep. Just drinking coffee nearly made me have an anxiety related melt down my freshman year before I realized that the constant feelings of a racing heart were only partially because of anxiety and were also because of the sheer amount of caffeine in my system. Eating healthy is also important, and will make you feel even better than just eating, but now is not the time to put yourself on a starvation diet just to lose 10 lbs. Eating high protein has helped some of my snacky issues as well as generally gives me more energy, and making my own mealprep at home- even my own muffins and cookies- generally are more healthy for my than what I get in the store. Fruit, cheese, lunch meat (or sliced cooked meat) and pickles or olives in endless combination work great for me as mindless snacky food, as does homemade popcorn (either in a skillet or costco bags) because it’s dirt cheap and you can put anything from seasoning salt to furikake and shredded dried pork on it. If you need help figuring out recipes, feel free to pm me! I’m good at working with nutritional and budgetary restraints. Pancakes are kind of a universal good.

4. Give yourself permission to leave: If you’re triggered, or seconds away from panic, GET UP AND LEAVE. College classes are not the same as high school classes, and most teachers are perfectly fine with you getting up to get water, or go to the bathroom, or cry in the bathroom. Try to make sure you go back to class most of the time, but if you’re really that stressed, also give yourself permission to leave.

5. Find a backup note system: There will be days that you cannot go to class. Accept this. Therefore, it is critical to find a way to make sure you always get the notes. Some colleges offer note taking assistance, some allow you to audio record lectures (check 1 and 2 party consent states first), and some leave you to your own devices, in which case, make a casual buddy to get notes from. You do not need to be besties with this person, Try to make sure you know how many days you actually have to go, and minimize grade damage when you can’t.

6. GET ENOUGH SLEEP. I cannot emphasize this enough; whether or not you’re taking medication, getting enough sleep is critical to pretty much everything that might be going on in your head- hormone issues, depression, autism, whatever. Your brain is going to be stressed out by the new environment and the additional, new problem solving that it has to do; help it make its best decisions. I literally wake up on less than 7 hours of sleep and consider selling my siblings on the black market. Don’t do it.

7. Be careful about Caffeine; Some people are more or less sensitive to caffeine, or forms of caffeine, don’t develop a coffee addiction just because it’s in vogue. Matcha seems to have the most stabilizing caffeine affect on my brain of all the caffeine options, though tea still works universally better than coffee. I also make my own “lattes” and cold brew at the beginning of the week and keep them in my fridge; a 2oz jar of matcha powder may cost like 60$ but it will make me about 90 cups of tea and last me two semesters especially if I mix in other kinds of cheaper teas in my morning; it’s certainly cheaper than starbucks- cups of latte come out to 95c and have about a third of the calories (which means I can drink more of them!) Which ties into;

8. Budgetting. You might be stressed out about money or make tons of tables and charts to try to deal with that stress; there are a lot of ways to cope with it, but my favorite method (and I still use a combination of these) for dealing with food and consumable stuff you need regularly like shampoo and soap or socks are: separate that money from everything else that you need to buy, then at the beginning of a semester

Go to Costco, a particular kind of “exotic” grocery store, or a farmers market. Buy and then freeze meat, vegetables, and fruit (if you use them in baked goods or in yogurt) or get prefrozen meat- make sure you’re checking the price/lb or K for the cheapest, and bags of either rice, flour, boxes of pasta (cheap carbs) and oil- i recommend having canola, it’s utilitarian for frying with a high flash point. If your budget isn’t tiny, this is a great time to also get dried (or canned but I don’t like the texture) beans, and canned meat or sauce if you actually eat it. The key is to get cheap bulk things that will last for a semester or five, and that are always on hand.

Take the rest of your food budget out in cash. Separate it into bundles for “each week”, put them in your wallet, and return the change to the jar when you’re done. It was always easier for me to visualize how much spending money for food that I had when I physically had the cash; it meant I didn’t overspend and it also meant that I started making better “investment” decisions; I’d buy cinnamon sticks one week, or good olive oil the next, instead of dropping a couple hundred dollars on ingredients I might have never used.

Do a similar bulk buy of products you know you use, and then leave the rest of that money- also in cash!- in a separate jar with a stickynote on top. When you have to use money for stuff from it, just stuff the receipt in the jar with the cash and do your accounting When You Have Brainspace.

I deal with other bigger accounting stuff over cards, but I try to limit one card to rent, insurance, school payments, big regular stuff that I autopay and always pay off, and one card to “emergency” stuff that I’m always working on paying off- think emergency dental work, car broke, etc. That one I do gig labor to cover when I can.

Anyone else, feel free to chime in! It’s super useful to have lists of tips and tricks!

#college tips #neurodivergence #neuroatypical #dealing with college

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