#instant serotonin when i find good content

[bad-and-drawn-that-way]

Not a request but a question because I'm trying to work out if I'm being silly and need to chill or if this is a thing other writers deal with. (Ignore if you don't want to answer of course)

Do you ever get really frustrated when you write something you're proud of/ actually really excited to write/ have put a lot into doesn't do well for one, but then a post you put a lot less into (Still effort ofc) or wanted to write way less does way better and it's even worse?

You're not alone in this feeling AT ALL. A lot of creators, including myself feel this often. The TLDR of what I'm about to say is: you're not being silly, but you do need to chill. Let's dive into what I mean by that! 💕

A lot of creators, including myself put a lot of love into what we do. So of course we want the work we spend extra time and effort on to do better. Unfortunately, what happens a lot of the time is our original works, more heartfelt works, more polished stuff, etc. tend to go on the backburner compared to our memes, sketches, and sexual content. People online are drawn to instant serotonin. It's not that your more polished stuff isn't incredible, it's that they're just drawn to what requires less of an attention span.

Does this mean you should stop trying? NO!!! Do what makes you happy, but also realize that it may not always get the recognition it deserves. Being a creator in a modern age requires finding a balance of self-worth and chasing numbers. It's okay to research ways to extend your reach. Celebrate your growth and the posts that do well! But learn to make peace with the fact that sometimes the post is just not going to get as much of a response as you hope. Learn to celebrate what you've made for yourself.

I'm constantly fighting the urge to check my numbers. I also feel disappointed when something I post that I thought was really good doesn't get much attention. This isn't coming from someone who has all the answers and doesn't get bothered by numbers. This is coming from someone who struggles with that feeling all the time. It's a form of love. It's part of self-love. Love is a choice you make every day. Sometimes that choice can be harder than other days and that's okay.

Keep doing what you love. Keep striving to do well. But learn to let go. Learn not to put so much pressure on your posts. It's okay to repost them too! If the initial post didn't do well, just try posting it again! Try different things to grab attention! Sometimes it has nothing to do with the content and just with timing, algorithm, tags, etc.

The two things I've started doing to help combat that association of success with numbers are:

Find that one friend, mutual, family member, etc. who will always celebrate what you make, even if they may not fully understand it. Bless my mom, she doesn't understand 90% of what I make. I don't show her my writing, but I show her my art, my streaming, my music, etc. I'm very blessed to have her always there to be like "WOAH THAT'S NEAT". Find that person for you.

Do a little something nice for yourself after posting something you're proud of! It doesn't have to be anything huge. Just go get your favorite snack or maybe take a bubble bath. Just a little bite of serotonin to celebrate what you've done.

Ultimately, your feelings are super valid my dude. It's tough out there! And if you're anything like me, you care a lot about what you do. Of course, you want it to be seen. Keep doing what you love and find ways to grow without letting the numbers define the worth of what you make. You got this!

#cherri speaks

[theoceanchoseyou]

a simple guide to healthy self-esteem

ૢ✧ ·˚ ₊༄ؘ

what is it?

building healthy self-esteem is the most powerful love language that you can speak to yourself.

what does it look like?

healthy self-esteem looks like being committed to your self-development, the ability to form and maintain healthy relationships, having a growth mindset, confidence to work through challenges, and understanding that you hold unique value. if we're lucky, our guardians instilled these in us through support, kindness, and the space to figure out our own identities. however, being parented this way is not so common. i was not raised in a way that nurtured healthy self-esteem, but i'm hoping that i can show others that it's possible to develop it later in life, despite our upbringings.

how do we build it?

1. mental health your mental health is the baseline for self-esteem. it's the fertile soil in which it's grown. objectively, it's simply hard to feel good about yourself and your life when your serotonin levels are low--i've been there, it's normal and human! i've learned not to believe what i think about myself when i'm experiencing periods of depression. i know that those thought forms are directly tied to my nervous system state, and when that state leaves, those thoughts will leave with it. witness your thought forms objectively. you'll find that your "negative self talk" is a symptom, not the disease itself. spend less energy guilting yourself for the symptoms and more energy treating the cause, which is your overall mental health state. we all have different health needs, so listen to your body and find what works for you, whether it's therapy or holistic methods! it becomes a lot easier to feel secure in yourself when you feel secure in your bodymind.

2. live in alignment with YOUR needs and joy living in alignment with your needs is partially talked about above. when you listen to your bodymind's needs, you're showing yourself that you are valuable, that you're someone worth taking care of. living in alignment with your joy sounds straightforward, but it's an active, firm practice of knowing you deserve the best and letting go of what's not best for you. be mindful of any habits or relationships you give energy to but don't truly find joy in--ask yourself, is this truly giving me value, or am i just tolerating it because it's familiar? funnel your energy into things that are truly valuable to you in that they bring you deep fulfillment. let all else phase out. by living in alignment with your needs and joy, you're letting go of things that don't serve you, your growth, your health, and your happiness. things like distractions, comparison, people-pleasing, validation-seeking, escapism, self judgement, and anything that isn't in alignment with your joy, become foreign to you. why? because this is how you show up for yourself. you focus on what's best for you. you're affirming to yourself that your time and energy are valuable.

3. commitment to your spiritual growth: this basically means that you're keeping your long-term expansion in mind. you won't stay in situations that don't serve you anymore just because they're comfortable. you won't trade lasting fulfillment for instant gratification. you invest in healthy, deep relationships that support your evolution. you do everything with intention, nothing mindlessly.

you'll notice that i didn't talk about forming an identity; i don't believe self-esteem and identity are the same. i feel that identity is something that arises naturally depending on how you percieve yourself; it is not concrete. healthy self-esteem, on the other hand, is concrete; it's something i can directly practice. why start at the branches when you can start at the root? when i do the above, i recognize my value and carry myself accordingly. the most important thing: it contributes to how i interact with myself and the world, and therefore contributes to my overall contentment!

i hope this brings you value. i wish love, joy, and fulfillment for all of you.

#self esteem #self development #self improvement #positivemindset #motivation #love #lifestyle #inspiration #that girl #it girl #self care #wellness journey #wellness #law of attraction #healthblr #inspo #healthy lifestyle #dream girl #girl blogger #self healing #self worth #mental health #self actualization #level up #women empowerment #high vibration #high value woman #self concept #mindset #shadow work

[redwinterroses]

*glances at ren's season 7* yeah they def wouldn't take too kindly to someone mind controlling their admin

(my favorite hc is ren is the one to blow ex's cover and doc immediately snipes ex with lightning)

Oh gosh do NOT get me started on Rendog and his protective tendencies. Not after this week and his five minute interlude to sing the praises of Doc M. 77.

He's called Ren the Dog but that man is a wolf and he's fiercely loyal to his pack. You can even see the way he's taken the newbies under his wing -- I need more Gem and Ren content, it's so incredibly wholesome. And he and Pearl speak the same language of Chaos, their (precious few) interactions in Last Life are instant serotonin.

Right now Ren and Doc both seem to be fully under the spell of the derpcoin -- not, I don't think, because they are being influenced by EX's powers, but simply because it looks like good business from where they stand. They're isolated from the rest of the server in a way, and because they both trust Xisuma, I don't think it's even occurred to them to question it. After all, how is this different than Mumbo and Iskall's Pacificoins at the end of s7? (...actually that's a decent question. How IS it different, at least on the fundamental level?)

However. If and when they see what's really happening? And -- to go the more-serious-than-the-server-actually-is route for a moment -- if Ren were to realize that not only has EX been harming Xisuma, but Ren himself has been complicit?

There wouldn't be a block in the Overworld, Nether, or End that EX could hide under. Doc might try to strike him with lightning, but that would be a kinder end than the one he'd find at Ren's blade. We've seen shades of his ferocity with the Red King and how dark he can get with Grimdog. And those were both still halfway in jest.

If a real threat rose? And Ren found himself looking at a friend who had been harmed by that threat and his own action or inaction?

The Dog would become the Wolf very, very quickly.

#ren is exactly the sort of character i cherish. #fun and goofy and affectionate and caring and clever and snarky #and honestly he'll let you do pretty much anything to HIM. #but the minute you come after his friends? all bets are off #and you better HOPE someone strikes you with lightning before he gets his claws in you #hermitcraft s8 #hermitcraft #redwinteranswers #rendog #evil xisuma

[burnedbyshoto]

the countdown

— A reflection on what New Years mean and a New Years kiss.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: fluff, 2020 year rant kinda idk man

word count: 1,679

a/n: this was supposed to be a drabble, but I don’t know how to shut the fuck up at all. I made It as short as I possibly could, took 5 rewrites. so, take this huzzah. check out the rest of the collab here!

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

New Year’s Eve.

It’s a day of endings, a time of reflection, recollection, and remembering.

Time is a finicky thing, convoluted and twisted in ways that people often spend a lifetime trying to understand but can only come to the conclusion that time is memories.

New Year’s Eve is the time to think about what you did in these past three hundred sixty-six days.

Did you have any New Years’ resolutions this year?

Most people are basic, routine, repetitive. It makes sense that the thing most people wish for every year is to make more money, to lose their hated weight, to become more confident, sexier, and to travel the world. Everyone wants some form of weird self-love because we are humans, and humans are so desperately craving to find happiness in life, taking it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Happiness is weird too.

Happiness is a mixture of chemicals in your brain that controls whether you feel normal or not.

Serotonin, dopamine, endorphins.

A terrific trio that the world always sought to have.

It’s not so easy to have all three; humans are made so weirdly after all. Too many chemical imbalances, receptors, and creators not perfect, and sometimes it’s not even that. It can just be the way the sun shines just too brightly through the cloudy skies, and suddenly that trio is gone.

So, humans consume.

We consume and consume and consume.

This year more than most.

Social interactions are needed to be human, many of us found out this year. You may love four people with all your heart, but going a near entire year with just four people when you’re used to so much more can be challenging, strenuous, exhausting.

But we remember the good things that made us happy this year.

We remember the way that the cold air whipped across our bare faces and the way that huddling up with your friends makes you both warm and cold. Reminisce in the way that the sun shines in deep rich purples and pinks as it breaks through the horizon, a simple, powerful portrait for your eyes only because art will never be seen the same by people who look.

We remember the terrible things this year too. The days were you were an asshole, a jerk, a bitch. How you whined and groaned about nothing. How you were mean for nothing. How you lied and cheated and stole. Admitting to it is one thing, but being able to look back on it is another thing.

You’re human; you have to remind yourself, part of being human is making mistakes. We humans are full of errors from our basic biology, so when you make them, recognize them, and make an effort to be better.

Perfection is not what you should seek, but the betterment of yourself and to others.

We remember the sad, too. Bowed heads as we count the ones we lost this year, tears streaming down your face because they died and because you didn’t get that promotion that you worked tirelessly on. Failure is something we all know of; we all experience it, in the many different shapes it comes in, and yet we are still so easily embarrassed by it.

Failure is okay. You can’t be better or grow to be better without failing once, twice, how many times it takes.

But it is New Year’s Eve, so we try not to think about the latter two; we celebrate the future of a new beginning, not the meaning of the past year.

We celebrate because we humans are selfish, loud, demanding.

We scream to the heavens on this day because fuck the world, we made it to another year, and for that, we demand a celebration.

You know this; you always have.

New Year’s Eve is yet another disgusting, selfish holiday, but you don’t mind it.

You want to be selfish.

You want to see your friends and family on the last day of the year and into the new one and groan loudly when someone exclaims that: ‘wow, y/n, I haven’t seen you in a whole year! Don’t hug me; I haven’t showered since last year!’

It’s stupid to be selfish in this way, but it weirdly comforts you. A weird promise that you might not be doing all too bad in this world, in your life. 

But right now, you’re exhausted, so terribly exhausted, you can’t even fight to keep your eyes open.

It’s dark outside. The moon is shining brightly in the vast wide sky, stars barely visible with the city pollution and the great light of the rock in the sky. It’s not a white New Years’ Eve, not this year in Japan at least (a kid with some stupid crazy quirk had actually managed to ban snow for six weeks). In the woods is a house that is large, bright, and warm. There isn’t much going on in the house from the distance, but the closer you near it, the louder the voices become, the more abundant it becomes that there are over twenty loud, near annoying adults who are playing a million drinking games.

Aoyama is hanging on the ceiling, demonstrating how he can get his laser beam to swirl around him like glass art as he spins.

Mina breaks dances on the pool table because someone told her to “break it,” and she might be a bit too drunk to realize what she was doing was not what was asked. Kirishima and Kaminari are stumbling against each other, laughing as they cheer her on, their eyes crossing as they watch the pink girl send ball after ball unintentionally into the holes.

Tsuyu is not surprisingly winning a game of beer pong against Iida. They’re only allowed to use their quirks for this game, and her tongue is better suited for this than Iida’s pipes.

Uraraka is still doing a kegstand, her early proclamations of how her zero-gravity training has made her the keg stand champion seem to be entirely accurate.

Ojiro is currently trying to find a word that rhymes with tail for the Kings Cup game he is playing with Shoji, Tokoyami, Dark Shadow, and Mineta. They’re undoubtedly the drunkest of them all, this is the seventh round of the binge drinking game, and all five of them have yet to tap out.

Kouda is begging Midoriya and Bakugou to stop taking shots as they both pulled the ‘take seven shots’ Jenga piece on the Drunk Jenga set for the third time. They’ve played as a team after being assigned as ‘mates’ in Kings Cup two hours ago. Poor Kouda is not set out to handle these assholes and having a drunk, instigating Sero as his own teammate is not helping in the slightest.

There’s a boom in the kitchen that rattles the windows. Still, no one even flinches as Sato, Hagakure, and Jirou stumble out of the kitchen, their blushes basically radiating light onto the walls as cake mix drench their bodies. Hagakure screams out for their uncaring old class to hear that sonic waves do not cook cake mix.

Momo, who is sitting in a rocking chair, sips her drink smoothly. It’s her eleventh bottle, and the creation quirk holder is barely tipsy; her metabolism was untouched.

And Shouto?

Well, that was easy.

He’s sitting on one of the lover’s seat, his body as upright as he could be, your body flushed to his side as you sleep. Shouto is drinking his own mixed drink that was prepared for him by you, still cool in his right hand. He’s warm, content, and at peace even with the chaos going on behind him. It was normal.

Shouto shifts his gaze over to your sleeping face, his chest warming pleasantly at the sight of your squished cheek and small puffing breathes. How you got so exhausted today was beyond him, he did warn you that daring everyone to start drinking the instant everyone woke up today was going to backfire, and it seems he was correct.

His hand reached for your cheek, his thumb stroking your cheek softly, the warmth of your flesh nipping as his colder fingers. You sighed contently in your sleep.

Chuckling, Shouto rested his head against yours, his heart speeding up quickly when you buried your face even further into his neck. Small smacks of your lips raising goosebumps as you spoke of your content even in your sleep.

By god, did he love you.

“Alright, everyone, please make your way over to the living room! We have one minute till the New Year!” Momo yells above the group's noise, and somehow everyone hears her and makes their way over.

“Aw! Look at y/n-chan! Knocked out like a baby!” Mina coos delightfully, her lips in a pout and her eyes shining brightly as she stumbles onto the armrest by you.

Shouto debates whether he should tell Mina to back off or to agree with her, but it’s far too late for him to decide when numbers begin flashing on the screen.

“FIVE!”

Shouto feels you stirring, your head lifting off his shoulder and your bleary eyes gazing into his. You look tired, sleepy, drunk, and oh so confused.

“Wha’s goin’ on?” you slur to Shouto, voice thick and husky.

“FOUR!”

“Looks like you woke up just in time,” Shouto comments, his fingers swiping at your face, fixing up the slightly ruined makeup. “It’s the countdown.”

“THREE!”

“Oh, good,” you sigh, your arms softly wrapping around Shouto as if he was made of clouds. Shouto laughs at the delirium still trapped in your eyes. “I made it.”

“TWO!”

“Thank you for making this year wonderful,” Shouto sincerely states, his hand setting down his drink and wrapping around your waist, pulling you toward him.

“ONE!”

“Thank you for loving me,” you cheekily sigh, and with the one still painted on the wall, Shouto pushed forward, kissing your chapped, sticky lips as the year ended and the new one began.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

“I’ll always love you.”

#todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #mha

[bakubabes-tatakae]

A/N: I hope you all enjoy part 3/4 of my pieces for the sixth day of the anniversary collab for the @konoblog-simps. You can find all the lovely pieces for the day here! Today’s theme is places, let’s go head to Taito Station. My last piece for the day will be out in a couple of hours! You can find all the days of the collab here!

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x fem!Reader

Warnings: fluff, fun, a playful spank, and some kisses

Word Count: 1.2k

Your phone buzzed on the kitchen counter, shaking you from the trance you now had as you watched the breeze push around the trees out your window. You slowly picked it up and looked at the message that now sat on your screen. Your eyes narrowed as you read the sentence. 

Satoru 💞 2:56pm 

I’ll be at your place at 7pm, be ready.

Your message back was simple, something you had figured he would answer quickly. 

2:56pm

Can I ask you where we’re going, Sato?

It wasn’t like him to not answer a simple message like this, but after ten minutes you started to wonder what was up his sleeve. 

You waited the rest of the night in wonder as you watched the clock get closer and closer to the time, knowing that you’d have to start getting ready soon. 

As you climbed into a pair of leggings and a nice shirt you wondered if you were too underdressed. Why else would he have told you to make sure that you were ready? You shook your head again and got back to getting ready, throwing on some light makeup before heading back toward your living room. 

You heard the front door open and footsteps coming toward you. You called out to him, greeted by the familiar face of the Sorcerer that you knew and loved. You hopped off the couch and started for him, watching him lift one side of his blindfold over his eye. Satoru bit his lip and licked his lips as he watched your figure nearing him. 

“Looking good, baby.” As you reached forward and placed your hands on his chest, he placed a soft kiss on your forehead. “Ready to get going?”

You smiled and turned for the door. “Let’s go.” Once your back was to him a firm hand hit your backside, something you should have expected but it still shocked you. “Sato!”

As you turned your head back to him you caught the sly grin that shown on his face as he spoke. “Did you really think you could wear those pants and get by me without that happening?”

You rolled your eyes at him and opened your front door. Same old Satoru Gojo, why would you think anything would be different? 

* * * * * * 

The car ride had been quick, something you hadn’t thought would happen, but the parking lot was unfamiliar as he pulled in. But the big sign outside told you where you were. Taito Station. Had Satoru Gojo really brought you here?

You climbed out of the car and watched as he waited for you to make it to him. As you both walked toward the front door you heard him break the silence. “We haven’t done anything fun outside of the house in a while so I figured this could be a fun time.’

You looked over at him and smiled. You had never been to Taito Station before and for him to do something as “normal” as this was unseen. “It’ll be amazing, Sato.”

Walking through the door was almost surreal. The colored lights that lit up the area, the hundreds of crane games that lines the walls, the arcade games that surrounded the space between. 

The excitement in your voice as you turned back to him and grabbed his shirt made butterflies line his stomach. “Look at this place, Satoru! It’s amazing in here!”

Satoru wrapped an arm around your shoulder and made his way down the aisles of crane games, pulling you close, claiming you as his around the men in the area. “We’ve got quite a bit of stuff to look through so we better get moving.”

* * * * * * 

As the coins fell from the machine and Satoru scooped them into the small coin bag you screeched with excitement. Satoru chuckled at you and motioned forward. “Lead the way, this is all you, doll.”

Your feet couldn’t move fast enough, Satoru just barely able to keep up with you as you zoomed through the aisles. 

Each new crane game brought a small boost of serotonin to you, especially after that sound would tell you that you won. And the extra hard ones that you couldn’t get, Satoru was right there to help you. 

Bags filled with prizes lined his arms as you dwindled down the coins he gave you, anxious to bring all your new things home, but also never wanting the night to end. 

As the last coin went into the machine and the prize finally fell into the spot you turned to Satoru, puppy dog eyes gleaming for him. “Sato, I’m all out of coins.” You put your hands together and pouted. “Can I have more?”

Satoru looked from you to his arms and widened his eyes. “Doll, I can’t hold anything else. I think it’s time we start heading home.” He turned and pointed toward the clock on the wall. “It’s getting pretty late. It’s already midnight.”

You sighed and smiled at him. “I’ll head home, but only if you promise to stay with me tonight.”

His smile widened as he watched your hopeful eyes glow just a little more. “Fine. If we head back now I’ll stay at your place tonight. It’s pretty late and I have to meet with the kids tomorrow so I’ll be closer that way.”

Another happy screech came from you as you took a bag from his arms, lightening the load a little bit for him. 

The walk back to the car was a saddening one, but you had a feeling it wouldn’t be hard to convince him to come back again. One simple button popped the trunk of his car and he loaded the bags into it, taking the one from you to add to the pile. 

As he closed the trunk his hands touched your hips, your arms almost instinctively wrapped around his neck. It wasn’t often that you got to see this domestic, fluffy side of Satoru, so you savored it while you did. 

You pushed your lips out toward him and ascended when his lips touched yours. Your lips danced together as he pushed your figure against the side of his car. You chuckled into his kiss as you broke away. “I love you, Satoru Gojo.”

His features were soft as he beamed back at you. “And I love you.” He used his grip on your hips to turn you and push you softly toward the car. “Now let’s get home so I can show you just how much I do.”

Your cheeks warmed as he turned and walked to his side of the car. Soft, domestic Satoru had vanished in an instant and the normal Satoru was back. The wait for it to happen next started now, if only you could get it to stay when it came by. But you knew that probably wouldn’t happen. But there was no changing Satoru Gojo, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Taglist: @monic00l @strangeinternetwasteland @rowley-with-ackerman @kyu-pine @ellechanwrites @bonnisimpparker @impinthecloset @nikiniki743 @aracynthos​

©bakubabes-hatake’s original content, please do not repost/modify without my permission

#satoru gojo x reader #gojo x reader #jujutsi kaisen x reader #gojo x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #satoru gojo x y/n #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #satoru gojo x you #gojo x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x you #satoru gojo imagines #gojo imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jjk imagines #satoru gojo fanfic #gojo fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk fanfic #gojo fanfiction #satoru gojo fanfiction #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #jjk fanfiction #anniversary collab #konoha simps server collab #server collab

[amedetoiles]

Any Jiang Cheng fic recs?

Inevitably my Jiang Cheng fic recs are also Yunmeng Shuangjie fic recs because I do have my priorities, so I apologize if that’s not what you’re looking for. Here is a list of some of my recent (and old) jc centric favorites:

everything else is spring bound ; some good mistakes ; with absolute splendor ; punctuated on all sides by the absolutely incomparable writing goals of all goals @veliseraptor ; jc is having a time working through his feelings in some amount of 4K to 43K words. worrying about wwx! working with lwj because he’s worried! absolutely infuriated by all of this! wedding planning shenanigans! just a superb collection of jc goodness. mostly post-canon except for the last one. read them! if you’ve read them already, read them again!

promises made, promises broken and overcoming the distance by @doubletan ; post-canon night hunting gone wrong! wwx doing empathy on jc! jc and wwx slowly finding a way to bridge that distance between them! jc realizing his place in wwx’s life never went away! just all of my favorite tropes and jc growing and healing. the best.

plea from a cat named little plum blossom by rolameny ; jc has feelings and also he gets a cat. yes that’s my summary.

brave enough to breathe ; while i’m in this body (chengqing / nc-17) ; to do whatever must be done ; impossible with two hands, no more impossible than one by @souridealist ; extraordinarily written series set in a universe where yu ziyuan does chop off wwx’s hand. it saves exactly no one and jc still loses his core. i love this series so much! it hurts, it’s brutal, it’s perfect. first two are more jc pov but i linked all four because they should all be read.

no one lights a candle to remember by @asravine ; jc feeling feelings about wwx as he is very much wont to do and trying to deal with that.

black shroud by spiritlure ; another night hunt goes wrong because i do love this theme very much. also the prose is beautiful and it made my cry.

parley by cafecliche ; wedding shenanigans while jc works through his, you guessed it, feelings about wwx. not as kind or soft as some of these others but hey, they’re dumbasses and they’ll get there. there’s two more in this series if you’d like to read them but this is the jc pov one.

your slightest look easily will unclose me by RedWritingHood ; jiang cheng and hanahaki disease! basically jc throws up flower petals when he’s happy. cue wwx and jl. one of my absolute favorites. instant serotonin.

for both of us (and time is but a paper moon) by sami ; ongoing remix of the famous paper moon fic in which jc and lwj time travel this time and have a chance to avert catastrophe. it’s complete and currently updating every two days (should be fully posted in a few weeks). if you haven’t read the original and time is but a paper moon including all of the side fics, you should. excellent jc content in all of it. just a great ensemble cast. i adore this series and verse very much.

attempting the impossible by ariaste ; jc finds out he has a great number of nephews and nieces he has never met before and has some serious opinions about this. jc is a good uncle and good with babies.

but love is impossible & it goes on despite the impossible by @gaysarawat ; jc and his feelings in the midst of wedding planning shenanigans because i have a type and it’s this. jc learning he is not nearly as alone as he feels and it’s beautiful.

hope these all work. i imagine most of them have already been read because they’re popular fics and wonderfully written, but enjoy!

#陈情令 #the untamed #mdzs #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #yunmeng shuangjie #fic rec #fic rec: mdzs #[ ask eve ] #lockedinabookstore #ok links fixed. please enjoy this small collection of amazing. #!mine

[ihavenoconsistentname]

Fuck it Welsknight appreciation post

Just because I can

Just random stuff I love abt Welsknight

The amount of dipshits he's put up with?? Like literally so many people have hounded him for being burned out when he was burned out and people are basically doing it again and he's only shown a legitimately negative reaction to it ONCE. He puts up with it so much and somehow has only once seemed visibly discouraged by it (if you don't know what I'm talking about here, I think you can still find the post where I went on about it in my top posts)

Literally just,, getting a hello as you enter chat is instant serotonin

His humor is so simple but great

Don't get me started with the amount of snark contained in this man, it's glorious

Putting on a fucking Mr Mime skin to terrorize Nebris and naming his sword "Mr Mime's Loving Touch" telling us that one day he would kill Nebris with it and in the chat there would be a message saying Nebris was slain by Mr Mime's Loving Touch (this is in Pixelmon Beyond btw)

Season 5 when he was getting a screenshot standing in front of the end crystals pissed off an enderman got blown up by said end crystals and his death message said "Welsknight was blown up by Enderman"

Falling asleep to his streams just hits different,, he has such a soothing voice

THE SEA SHANTIES. HIS VOICE IS JUST SO GOOD. IT'S ANGELIC AND BEAUTIFUL.

When he makes jokes about his age because we call him old or because he has to restate that "the only one allowed to talk about their age in chat is me"

Yelling "YOU KILLED MY WIFE!" in Among Us twice even though he killed his wife immediately right in front of someone else

His laugh. His fucking laugh, oh my god. Precious. You cannot listen to his giggles and tell me that does not give you ridiculous amounts of serotonin hIS LAUGH IS JUST SO DORKY

The little baby voice he uses when he talks to Remi,,,

I just love how several times he complained to us about when he was deployed to go mess with files in an office for a week describing it as "twiddling his thumbs in an air conditioned office"

Law Nerdᵀᴹ

And english nerd,, he's said a lot that he was almost an english teacher

HE HAS TOLD US ABOUT A GOATEE AND I HAVE MILDLY SEEN IT IN A FACE CAM IN A TWITCH SINGS STREAM

Just,, the way he starts off his streams,, love it

The way he often says "My friends" to refer to his audience

I clearly remember one time at the end of a Twitch Sings stream when before the raid he said "I love you all to death" and I wanted to cry at that

He's so wholesome??? He's so wholesome.

He's so laid back and chill and just so easy to vibe with

He might not stream or upload super often but he's still such a nice cc to vibe with???

And you can tell he genuinely appreciates the part of his audience that genuinely appreciates him. Like. Not his entire "fanbase" because a lot of them only care about hermitcraft, I'm talking the people who tune into every stream solely because it's Welsknight and they enjoy watching him play whatever game he chooses to play that day.

I also honestly like his non-HC streams better because significantly smaller audience and he gets to respond to basically every chat message

Gotta love that Riveting Circle Contentᵀᴹ in pixelmon

I just love how much of a pokemon nerd he is??

He literally talks about having pants that say "pokemon master" on them

When he was telling us about how he was helping Wifey pick out her team for the pixelmon tournament (THAT SHE WON BTW) and said she pointed to one and went "That one does the funny thing"

He's got these fucking edgy middle schooler undertones and I just live for that like idk about anyone else but I totally feel like that's a thing he has

He literally described Helsknight's vibes as being an edgy/angsty teenager

Once again I just admire that he absolutely refuses to let his audience control him in any way. He is a full time content creator who makes most of his money off hermitcraft content but he still doesn't give a shit how many people try to force him to make hermitcraft content instead of doing whatever the hell he wants playing whatever the hell he wants to play. He appreciates his audience and is thankful for it but still does not give a shit what any of them have to say when he isn't playing on the hermitcraft server and making hermitcraft videos.

Also this might sound like I'm throwing mega shade at bigger ccs (no one in particular just a general thing) but he actually knows how to control and properly influence his audience/fanbase lol basically all of his actual fans aren't toxic and by actual fans I mean literally anyone who doesn't just demand hermitcraft but literally everyone is chill and in no way toxic because woah he actually knows how to influence them properly and control them and knows how to have fun while still strictly enforcing things to ensure that his audience doesn't become toxic and shit

And yes I know with that one big fanbases = less control but my main point is he basically just knows how to properly influence people so that they don't get out of hand in the first place and so that everyone in his audience knows how to make sure others don't step out of line either and they know to just shove those people away and not fuel any flames

I'm basically just saying I admire how he's able to even have such a chill audience?? Not really focusing on if he can control them or not it's just the sole fact that he was able to build such a wholesome and chill community in general

That's it cause this list does not need to be super long skgkjakg

#alex.txt #hermitcraft #welsknight #long post

[sevlgi]

simple

requested: no

group: (g)i-dle

pairing: yuqi x fem!reader

genre: fluff

contents: apocalypse!au, bubbly!yuqi. [16/33]

warnings: none

synopsis: The simple things with your girlfriend are what make life worthwhile in an apocalypse.

a/n: i should’ve done an apocalypse au on halloween why am I stupid

word count: 0.8k

Yuqi has always been almost annoyingly optimistic.

Even before the whole apocalypse thing happened, she found the good in everything and everyone. To her, there was somehow a silver lining to every situation, no matter how charred the silver was.

You remember when you were first told that you had to stay indoors to protect from the apocalypse; mostly, you remember your girlfriend’s reaction. “It’s okay,” she smiled, shrugging as if she really didn’t care. “It’s just more time for us together, right?”

Of course, you knew that she was scared too. You knew that her constant optimism was her way of coping, and it still is; maybe it’s selfish that you’re willing to let her be the sunshine in your lives.

Now, as you constantly move around with no home to call your own, barely the clothing on your backs, you see how easy it is for her optimism to slip. It’s so difficult for even Yuqi to find a source of light when you’re in constant danger of being attacked, or of starving to death.

The simple things, now, are the last way for you to keep your heads up. The little smile she gives you when you find a semi-intact copy of a book she wanted to read, the instant serotonin when the two of you are able to share an unopened bottle of banana milk.

The new warmth when you discover a mostly new blanket in what used to be a hotel, the comfort of finding a pillow. That’s the last thing that makes you happy, and it’s almost gone.

“Hey, Y/N!”

Yuqi’s voice is lit up with a familiar happiness as she makes her way over to you, dust smeared all over her pants and her arms as she hides something behind her back. “What’d you find?” you call back, smiling as you squint. The roof of the grocery store is gone, so the sun shines plainly onto you, but it’s not a terrible day.

“Guess,” she grins, stopping a few feet away from you. When you don’t guess, she produces a bottle of alcohol.

Your eyebrows practically raise into your hairline as you trip forward, wiping the label of the bottle clean to read it. “No way. How did we get this lucky?” you whisper, noticing the rich color of the contents.

“I know, right?” Yuqi laughs, spinning around inside the destroyed building. “We’re going to party tonight, I even found some cake!”

“I think that’ll be expired, jagiyah.” Still, you can’t help the ridiculous smile on your face, grimy hands still cupping the glass bottle gently. “Let’s have fun tonight.”

The alcohol is honestly terrible.

It’s basically vinegar, but it still gives the two of you a giddy feeling as you use up the last of the batteries in your music player to blast old pop music in the empty garage building.

You’re both decently grimy; your face is practically completely gray, and the once-blonde part of Yuqi’s hair is almost gray, but you dance together with your hands clasped until you collapse on the concrete.

“I miss this,” you sigh, folding your arms under your head. “You know? I miss not worrying about our next meal, and being able to do what we want.”

Your girlfriend props her head up on your hands. “What brought that up? You never used to get sad because of alcohol.”

Smiling, you hit her lightly, but there’s no bite behind it. “No, I just... I miss being this happy. When was the last time we weren’t worried? You’re always smiling, but I can see how sad you are.”

Yuqi shrugs, brushing her hair away from her face. “Yeah, I’m sad, but you know why I still smile? Because you smile when I do. Y/N, I can make you happy just pretending to be happy, and that’s enough for me to smile. It’s all for you.”

You frown, sitting up. “But you don’t have to.”

“I do,” she shakes her head, knees pressing into yours as she sits crossed-legged. “Y/N, making you happy is the best part of my life now. You’re the last thing I’m living for, you know?”

Watching her shrug again, you kiss her on the cheek, ignoring the taste of dirt in your mouth. “I love you, Yuqi.”

“Love you too,” she sighs, pressing a kiss to your mouth. When she pulls away, though, her nose is wrinkled, and you scrunch your eyebrows in confusion.

“What happened?”

“You taste like dirt and vinegar,” Yuqi laughs, snickering even harder when you smack her. “Hey! Just telling the truth!”

And just like that, you remember how much you need her. Even in a shitty post-apocalyptic world, the sheer love you feel for the other girl is enough. It’s the simple things, anyway.

#(g)idle #gidle #gidle x reader #gidle imagines #gidle scenarios #gidle reactions #gidle yuqi #gidle song yuqi #song yuqi #yuqi #yuqi x reader #yuqi imagines #yuqi scenarios #(g)idle x reader #girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #girl group reactions #gidle icons #gidle incorrect quotes #(g)i-dle

[mcrmadness]

Tumblr I have been awake for an hour, I am not in the mood for this bullshittery just yet... Do I have to start unfollowing people to get less post on my dash before Tumblr manages to show me everything I haven't seen yet???

Really tired with Tumblr rolling in new posts before I'm done with the previous ones cos there are only two options after that: either roll down through your dash one more time and see everything for the second time in order to see new old content OR click posts with the XKits "show on my dash" rewind button WHICH only shows like 10 posts at a time, tons of tracked tags posts and often lots of posts with filtered tags so there's nothing ACTUAL to see.

In general I feel like. I don't know what I even do on Tumblr anymore. Everything is so sexualized and I am suffering as an ace, I have filtered SO MANY tags and still something always comes through. Can't filter the word "sex" because then every lgbt+ related post also gets filtered because they often contain the word -sexual in them. Cos, you know, it's even part of my OWN: asexuality.

People often tag nsfw content well but Tumblr's filtering system loves to break on such content. So even that doesn't always help. And then there is the... new? phenomenon of nsfw jokes that are not even nsfw for allosexuals probably but they are really bothering for someone who is sex-repulsed. Like, I don't have a problem with the themes itself, I only have a problem when I'm EXPOSED to those themes without asking. And nowadays it's a huge problem on my dash.

I can't browse tags anymore. I can't find neutral content. Everything is sexualized or shippy. 90% of the tracked tags content on my dash is filtered out because they contain words like "kiss" or so. Often they are fanfiction posts. There's no way to filter out content like that so that it wouldn't even APPEAR on my dash. I have unfollowed lots of tags because the content there is just not something I feel comfortable seeing. And the rest is headcanons, or slamming random identities on characters or even real people.

Idk, I have been on this website since 2011 and I feel like I have actually grown out of what Tumblr is all about. I'm no longer enjoying it here. 80% of the content on my dash is filtered but I don't want to unfollow all those people because some are my friends and some are mutuals and it would feel almost like, idk, deleting a phone number. I don't know if there is a way to like, hide a person/blog from your dash without actually unfollowing them. I know it's possible to make XKit hide all the filtered posts but I still prefer seeing those because Tumblr's filtering system is not the best and it will also filter posts I want to see, just because some filtered word is in someone's url. So clicking "show it anyway" can be "I don't know what did I even expect" or "but why tf is this filtered???"

And then there is the issue that I can't post my art here anymore because it only makes me angry when artists and creators here are always ignored. And with memes etc. my sense of humour is too old for this website and most don't get it, so it's the same if I just keep everything to myself.

Anyhow. I think Tumblr is anyway consuming too much of my time. Maybe I should just. Start unfollowing people. Or try to control the time I use on this website better. If I'm not enjoying, why am I here after all? But I guess what's happening here is: I am addicted to this website. The little numbers there are an instant serotonin and dopamine boost. And it's just the numbers for my dash, I hardly get any asks or anything. So we're at really low now. It did so good last year when I had this 2 week pause from Tumblr. Not going to take a pause, but maybe seriously trying to reach the mindset that I do not need to actually see every single post on my dash ever. And if I do need, then I have to start unfollowing or something because literally, I had to even filter the tag for one of my fave bands because the content there was going way over my head and I think I'm too old and too asexual for this website where everyone else (except most of the other aces) are horny on main 24/7...

#mcrmadness venting #under the cut there is again some 'i'm too old and too ace to tumblr' whining so spare yourself and don't click if you hate reading that

[yioh]

2020 follow forever :^)

hello it is, but i, ur local frog, yura, i really realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy wanted to make some kind of post to appreciate everyone on here because , fr, you guys have been such a large part of my life recently and i can not thank you enough... every single person i have interacted with on here has been so wonderful and it’s been such a pleasure to talk with you guys<3

also extremely extremely extremely sorry if i forget anyone, i really really do love every single person i interact with!! this is my first time doing something like this also this is probably filled with typos but im too impatient and lazy to read what i wrote, im so sorry if its weird or something aaaaaaaaaaaa jhdsgjhd

without further ado lets goooooo losers😎

@honeyedmilks sof u are one of the softest people i know, we didn’t get to talk that much this year but i love ur presence in general and it makes me :D when u pop up on my dash/notes hehe, i can’t express just how much i adore ur writing, the vibes and settings and the way u write in general is so my thing and !!!!!!!! <3 

@asianmelodrama faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u are mine and a lot of other people’s sunshine on this hellsite !!!! ur blog is so feel good and pretty and relaxing and i love all ur thoughts and ur gifs are soooooooooo pretty and ur so cool !!!!!!!! thank u for being so kind and creative and wonderful and for creating a place so safe and lovely i love u i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@muscosus robin robin robin robin ILUSM !!!!!!! ur so fun to talk to and i find it so amusing that we met each other via druck but then consequently found all our interests colliding and we were literally *shook pikachu* kdhigjdghkjf also whenever u tag me in whale stuff it warms my heart so much and i treasure our friendship so so much !!!

@lesbiangoths OLIVIA why are u so adorable :( everytime u send me an ask im :) ur so creative and talented and ur crocheting stuff looks so COOL !!!!! also ur vibe is just immaculate in general and talking with u is so easy, never change ilu bro

@illiterateopossum ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur DEFINATELY one of the people on here that are MOST special to me, all our conversations are so freaking fun and man, u just get me .... and watching u get into all the dramas and anime i reccomend ??? it makes my heart doki doki hiagsjhjh thank u for always looking out for me and sending me the most loveliest messages, im really really bad with words and i am SHITE with keeping up with messaging but i seriously treasure our friendship so so much, i only hope for good things to happen to you next year and all the years after that, you’re such a kind wonderful person and !!!!!!!!!!!! i love u sm :(

@beesnutz KJDFKHIJFHKD GUSTE i wanna be emotional this one time and tell u that ur seriously such a fun person and the way my brain goes on overdrive from creativity when i talk to you is . insane. i want to bonk ur head with as much cereal as i can, never forget that you will always be the dumb sidekick to me, the superior villain and i WILL lead the way to world domination one day. sometimes i feel like u aren’t even real, you could be an anime character and i wouldn’t even bat an eyelash . ilu <3

@rosa-leche kana kana KANA :^) how are u so ???? sweet ???? adorable ???? wonderful ????? i already had so much fun interacting with you, all ur thoughts and messages are always so sweet and u make me smile SO much, and after the secret santa i feel like we have so much in common !!!!!!!!! do tell me if u ever watch bloom into you hehe, keep being the angel u are, ilusm !

@petekaos RAHUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! meeting u this summer feels like so long ago somehow, you sir!!! are one TALENTED person . it really really amazes me with how much passion you get into things and how much love and adoration you put into the things you create, its so so special .... anytime i see u vibing on my dash it fills me with so much joy, keep doing u bro !!!!

@toptaps zeeeeeeeeeeey you are so lovely :) you’re so gentle and soft and i adore talking with u about nanamin, also u are so cool and i was rly rly happy when u followed me lol, lowkey i admired u from afar jdhjkhdijd i love uuuuuuu

@fushiguroo MY LIL OREO CUTIE PATOOTIE oFC i still remember the first ask u sent me, i was so taken aback and honoured :( and the more and more i talked with you and saw you on my dash i was so happy, you have such good taste and you’re so so cute, take care of urself and stay the precious bean u are ok? 

@morksuns sumaya sumaya sumayaaaaaaaaaaaa everytime you interact with me im :D i love all our little convos and ur vibe in general is so peaceful and relaxing, im glad i got to meet you:’) here’s to another year and many more after that, that are filled with only good dramas !!!

@gayvlad NICO (nico niiiiiiiiiiiiii ) YOU DESERVE THE W O R L D. i dont know why but as soon as i had like one convo with u that one time i thought u were such a chill cool person :( im so happy that i get to be friends with you, all ur gifs are so pretty !!!!!!!! ur such a kind person and ur blog is such a warm nice place to be. :) 

@cupidhashorns   peach ........... PEACH !!!!!!!!!! you might be one of the nicest people in the WORLD , whenever u like my posts, regardless of whether u know what im on about lmao, i feel so seen... its just so nice to know that Someone i listening to the shit you throw into the void on this site lmao, i adore all ur asks and i truly truly appreicate all your messages so much. thank you for finding my blog interesting at all man, i cant tell you enough how happy you make me :)

@guihan arloooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CAT FRIEND . THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS IMMEASURABLE your cats ................... are so cute .............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so glad i got into tsomd and got to meet you , whenever u tag me in things im !!!!!!!!! also im defo gonna read  twwtadsl sometime ksdjkdhjksd you make it sound so good aaaaaaaaaaaaa

@otterplush rey many people have probably already told you this but you are someone so ...... so spectacular and special and incredible and amazing ............  so much of your words has given me SO MUCH comfort in the short time i had known you, seriously. i seem to always stumble on your blog whenever im most hurt and your words have really had an impact on me in the best way possible and i love u so so so so much. i only wish for good things to happen for you and i want to be there for you in a way you are for everyone else !!! you are so warm and kind an generous, everything about your vibe feels so soft... also i always wanna rb everything you rb ndjbshs ur blog is so pretty :( 

@aheartandashirt nisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA MY KSH THIRST BUDDY KDHJKHDKJHDF fr ive had some of the BEST convos with you, ur taste in dramas is !!!!!!!!!!immaculate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so so so  fun talking with you and everything you gif looks so nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being such a lovely friend to me, you’re so easy to talk with and so friendly and nice and <3 *pat pat pat* 

@tetsuos dawn dawn !!!! you are !!!!!!!!!! such a talented person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur little corner on the web, its so nice to read all ur thoughts about the dramas you’re watching, all your thoughts are so well thought out and interesting to read and, in general, i adore seeing you do ur thing :) *hug hug * 

@heartsofsunlight angel ! your drawings are so beautiful !! you are such a beautiful person in general ! whenever u drop by it makes me so happy, its been so lovely getting to know you, thank you so much for talking to me :) i love uuuuuuu

@metawin jay jay jay !!!!!!!!!!!! for some reason whenever i see u im overcome with so much love !!! everything you make is so beautiful and u are defo one of the most elite people here hehe, also ur cats are ........ so adorable ............ 

@metawwin aliiiiiiiiiiiii, its been such a pleasure seeing you on here !! ur so soooooo kind and whenever u sent me those adorable asks it made me so happy, you’re like a little happiness fairy, you eminate so much joy and positivity !! also ur singing ... immaculate 

@87s min min !!!! u are soooooooooooo adorable, i think ive said this before but u seriously give me little sibling vibes lol, its so fun talking to you, and im so happy that you first popped up to me !!!!!!!!!!! iluuuuuuuu

@joblessquinoa JQ :^)    i always associate you with my engineer haha, and that was so long ago !!!!! ur so fun to talk to, and i adore seeing u rb and leave ur thoughts on all the manga and webtoons im reading !!!! in fact whenever u like my posts i aways feel so happy hehe, also . i literally wouldve failed my coding course without u thank u SO much for helping me out * cries* 

@gigiesarocha cata CATA CATA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  when you first popped up i was so elated to talk to you, u seemed so nice:( and later when u told me u watched joan’s galaxy because of me i was sdhfsgijdfhjkdhjkfh all ur gifs are so unbelieveably gorgeous, i literally go back to the set u made of yioh staring at joan skipping all the time, its so ........ beautiful.......... hopefully we get more wlw content next year and hopefully theyre all as good as joan’s galaxy hehe, iluuuuuuuuuu

@yibobibo aamna my love !!!!!!! how are you so precious ? everytime u reblog any of my posts its an instant serotonin boost, the experience of getting back into mdzs along with u was seriously incomparable, it was so FUN and i wanna go back :( ur such a friendly wonderful and talented person and i adore seeing all ur creativity blossom on this website, ilu aamna !

@brightwin JELLY jelly u are literally the human embodiment of the softest teddy bear in the WORLD . i wanna give u all the hugs and pats i can because u make me so !!!!!!!!! happy and u fill me with so much soft warmth ........... thank u for being u, all ur gifs are so pretty and its been so nice to be able to bask in the light that comes off of u, never change i love u so sooooooooooo much <3

and lastly, some blogs that i really really adore !

@kurusutakatsu @chanagun @yuhaosturtle @jiangyanlisgf @duoerla @yinyu @tichawongtipkanon @jbums @wenqing @lemongrasslesbian @weiixian @schech @kikuism @earthfluuke @0ffgun @yamaguccchi @wullu @seniorwitch @leoyunxi @floraflorenzi @dreamterlude @florbexter @doctorbahnjit

#wow i was so sappy ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ihdsajhkjsdhjkd #2020 follow forever

[milkygcf]

UNDER THE MISTLETOE

Pairing | knj x gender-neutral reader

Genre | tooth-rotting fluff i think, established relationship

Warnings | just a tiny bit of cursing, the boys are a chaotic mess

Summary | ❝ Nothing can beat a holiday spent with Namjoon.❞

Word Count | 4.1k

Author’s Note | THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE MESS I’M SORRY 😭🙏 i rush wrote this so i could put up something for christmas. nonetheless, i hope whoever reads this enjoys it! also, big thanks to @youarejesting​ for the banner! i love it, it’s so cute :( another little side note is, this is also part of @btscreatorscorner​‘s Crystal Snow Event! make sure to take a look at all the other works :] happy holidays!

Christmas with Namjoon is always a wild ride. From hectic decoration shopping to disastrous baking, to actual decorating and singing Christmas songs together. However, it's not like you're complaining, because as rowdy as Christmas time can be with your significant other, nothing can beat a holiday spent with Namjoon.

Every year is an open door to new shenanigans, handmade gifts and memories that embed themselves warmly into your heart. This year isn't any different, except for the fact that the rest of the group were joining for dinner - along with the chaos they always brought along with them. As close as you are with your boyfriend, not even your connection could beat theirs. It's heart-warming - as much as they argue, nothing could possibly tear them apart. Nothing could bring you any more serotonin than the jovial smile that attacks Namjoon's handsome features whenever they're around.

Now, you’re all nearing your thirties - except for Jungkook, he was still bearing life without early back problems - and you suppose you all look the part as well. Unless it's Christmas season and the young man himself proposes they all compete in a Best Decorated House competition between themselves. The winner earns himself an extra present from every participant - which you find rather amusing because you're pretty sure they were willing to buy each other the world in a blink of an eye. The loser, however, gets to wash every dish used during dinner. Ouch.

"Deal!" Namjoon hollers, finger pointed up in agreement, his chest puffed out in pride. You know he's going to stress about it later on because as much as you love the man, he's absolute shit when it comes to decorating. If it weren't for you, his house would be a shit-show. Sorry, Namjoon.

"Can't wait to beat all of your sorry asses!" Seokjin yells even louder, an arm hooked around Yoongi's waist. The energy he radiates astonishes you because even if he's the eldest from the lot, he's always the energetic one. Seokjin might as well be your icon.

And that's how it all began - the calm before the storm. But then again, them proposing this very idea wasn't exactly calm.

You feel a shy tap on your shoulder while you're busy scanning through your fifth isle. Namjoon holds out a tiny Christmas tree to you, his eyes round and shiny. You already know you won't be able to refuse. "Can we get it? Please - my bonsai needs a new friend."

"I think your bonsai would be sad to know their friend is made out of plastic, Joon."

"Well, they wouldn't be sad if they didn't know, right?"

His grin is brimming with mirth. He knows what you're going to say - there was no need to even ask you in the first place because he knew you could never resist his puppy eyes. "Fine," you sigh softly, offering him your sweetest smile. "Make sure Mon doesn't swallow it whole. That dog is a menace."

"He has a restless soul. We'll buy him reindeer ears on our way home."

"Yes!" It elicits giggles from both of you - Namjoon had introduced you to Rapmon just two months into the relationship, claiming you must meet your competition because it's only fair. Frankly, you think the dog himself is competing with your boyfriend - the second you set sight on his silky fur you’ve vowed to never leave his side. Rapmon was an absolute gem. From then on, he was a big part of the events you celebrated together - the main character in your little shenanigans.

Once you've both paid whatever you needed for the day, heaving a ton of shopping bags, you step out of the shop in a fit of giggles. As sophisticated and stern as Namjoon may look, he's quite possibly the clumsiest giant you've ever met. Unfortunately for him, he had accidentally ripped one of the bags you had brought along and as he readied to lift it, all contents came tumbling out as he gawked in terror. Red instantly rushed to his cheeks and you found it hard not to burst out laughing in his face. He wouldn't want to become more flustered than he already felt.

"Every day I wake up to the face of embarrassment," he mumbles ashamedly, shaking his head in dismay. You could only continue to chortle before leaning in to place a tender kiss on his cheek. "It's okay dummy," his cheeks redden even more, "Would some hot chocolate fix your mood?" The second the words slip out of your lips, his face no longer holds a grim expression.

Getting hot chocolate from Pixie’s Magic! is like a tradition between you and Namjoon. Not only was it where you both had met, but it served the most delicious brews you’ve ever tasted. Nothing could possibly beat this little shop in the corner of the mall you were currently in. 

Although it was usually calm and quiet, it seemed to be bustling the day you both go out to buy Christmas decorations. There’s a myriad of people piling up in plan of buying themselves the warmest cup of cocoa - a cup of happiness that would complete their own Christmas. Within that queue of people were families, couples and even people who spend their time alone during the festive season. Pixie’s hot cocoa never failed to brighten days.

You scout through your newly bought items for anything that might pass time. Namjoon stands beside you with his phone in hand, thumb clumsily scrolling through whatever he’d missed from the boys’ usual spam session. “Hoseok’s already got most of his decorations up. Something tells me we’re not winning this so easily.” 

“We’re literally up against Seokjin and Jungkook.” 

He pulls his lips in a taut line - going up against those two was a one way stop to instant loss. Nothing, absolutely nothing could beat either one of them. The competition was and will always be between Seokjin and Jungkook because both were as dense as a brick and would stop at nothing to earn themselves a victory. Frankly, you found it entertaining, even if they were constantly at each other’s throats and threatening to burn each other down - jokingly, of course, you’d never condone violence. Brotherly love if you’ve ever seen it. 

“They’re out of the question. We’re up against the rest, those two idiots can eat an egg.” His bluntness makes you burst into fits of giggles, earning the clear attention of those either ahead of you or waiting (im)patiently behind. Namjoon always had a rather poetic way of saying things. “An egg? You’d be doing them a favour.”

He doesn’t quite realise what you mean until a few seconds later when he breathes out a dejected sigh and massages his temple soothingly. “They’re a whole mess.” 

And he’s right, because when you’re back in the comfort of your humble abode with a warm cup of cocoa waiting for you in the living room, Namjoon’s phone keeps endlessly buzzing. 

“You can’t keep ignoring them forever, you know.”

Namjoon sometimes thinks about how difficult his life would be without you. Go figure that there was no way of avoiding them, right? If you hadn’t told him, he would’ve never guessed so.

The couch sinks underneath his weight as he plants himself beside you, placing a mushy kiss onto your cheek. He’s quick to hand you his beverage once Mon literally hops onto him, wagging his tail like the euphoric little rascal that he is. And there’s peace and quiet, the sound of the crackle of the fireplace, until Namjoon’s thumb slides over the tiny green button making his phone constantly vibrate.

“Namjoon! What took you so long?!”

Seokjin’s voice comes booming out of the device nestled in your boyfriend’s palm. You must admit - it startled you just a bit, but it’s not like you weren’t used to their rambunctious behaviour. “We thought you died. Almost worried us for a while there.”

“Actually,” Jimin so pridefully interrupts, “He was just about ready to forget about you. Don’t act like you didn’t see cloud nine when Tae suggested Joon backed out.” It was all fun and games, affectionate brotherly love between the lot until suddenly, it was a trademarked apocalypse. Truly mind-blowing. 

“You tattletale-!”

“Don’t worry Seokjin,” you snort, “He’s still up and running.” 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing!” Offence washes over Namjoon’s face - perhaps it really is him against the world. Kim Namjoon could trust no one. You could only poke your tongue out at him, earning yourself a blissful smile. “Not at all.”

“Ew. Stop flirting - this isn’t about you, this is about the progress you’re doing.” Seokjin scoffs, making the latter silently giggle to themselves. He has absolutely no filter - nothing could get in the way of the man’s priorities. “Tell that to Yoongi.” His boyfriend was sitting right beside him - and poor him, because Yoongi has to be the strongest man to ever set foot on earth. He’s been dealing with Seokjin’s shit for over a good year or so now. 

“Believe me, I might just knock him out.”

“No way - who’s going to peel your tangerines for work then? Ungrateful imp.” 

Their bickering continues to produce light laughter from the lot of you until you decide it's about time you update each other on your progress. Surprisingly enough, Hoseok was much farther ahead than you all anticipated, and it earned you another fifteen minutes worth of competitive yelling between the youngest and the eldest.

But that was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Move it a little bit to the left," you instructed stringently, hands planted firmly on your hips as your boyfriend does whatever he's told. The tree jiggles with every waking movement, making Namjoon groan at the heavyweight it settles upon him. "Is this alright?" He mumbles tiredly, eyeing you from the depths of its branches.

You could only nibble on your lip, your eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Maybe a bit to the right."

Even when he's exhausted, even when he's sick and tired of turning a piece of mere decoration to countless directions, he doesn't complain. Namjoon wasn't exactly fond of religious festivities, but spending Christmas with you is always something he looks forward to. Setting the deal aside, it was always enjoyable bringing a little life to the house with someone he adores and his heart beats for. "Perfect! Could you grab the baubles? I'll get the ornaments."

Teamwork makes the dream work. An idiom he liked to say on the daily - it always worked between the two of you. Six hours worth of work put into four and the mess that bested every nook and cranny of your house now lessened. You hang the last bauble and sigh in content. "Doesn't it look pretty? I think this is our best one yet."

"Well, technically speaking, I couldn't expect any less from you, bun." His tone of voice resembles that of a young boy in love, his eyes sparkling under the colourful Christmas lights nestled comfortably in the tree's branches as he looks at you with a bashful smile. It's moments like these when you're so caught up in the things you do together, these blissful moments that you realise just how grateful you are for Namjoon. You love him, you love him so much. Nothing could be a better present than spending time with him. He's your bundle of pure euphoria.

"The tree's feeling a little bland, don't you think?"

It takes you a moment to take notice of what he actually meant before you feel extra weight added on top of your head. He teasingly hangs the finishing piece away from you, puckering his lips in hopes he'd earn himself something sweet in return for the star. You could only roll your eyes, but nonetheless, nothing stops you from latching your lips onto his and giving him your love.

Without hesitation, Namjoon scoops you up onto his shoulders, he guides you towards the crest of the tree and watches with bright eyes as you ecstatically plant the finale to the first phase of your decorating. Monnie scratches at the latter's legs in pure joy, barking at you both to signal his presence as well. It elicits laughter, and as Namjoon gently sets you back down, you let your fingers ruffle his fur as he licks at your face.

However, your hours upon hours of decorating doesn't end there, the tinsel messily spread underneath you is a clear indication of this.

With an exhausted huff, you look at Namjoon with hopeful eyes. There's still much to be done.

---

Looks tend to be deceiving when it comes to Kim Namjoon. People tended to deem him as a friendly giant, however, when it came to snowball fights, he was far from that. Like a devil crawling out the pits of hell.

The day you decide to pamper the outdoors of your house, snow starts dribbling from the skies above you. A miracle, because it’s never really snowed so early in December. 

You’re busy setting up mistletoe in front of your front door until you’re barreling forward from the force of something wet on your back. It couldn’t have been Mon - he was sleeping soundlessly inside. But your boyfriend wasn’t - instead, he was childishly running around the front lawn bearing snowballs. 

“Namjoon!” You shriek in utter disbelief, turning around only to face a devious grin. Pure evil dripped from him - Namjoon was no longer the soft bear who insisted you play with his hair. He was now a foe. “You’re going to pay for that!” As quickly as you could, you bear your own weaponry to pay back his foolish actions. 

His giggles echoed across the small space you’re in and before you could even comprehend what was happening, he was already aiming another shot at you. Unfortunately, you were too slow against him. 

Splat!

Three points for Kim Namjoon!

At your absolute suffering, his laughter only gets louder over Mariah Carey’s gorgeous singing coming from inside. “You’ll pay for this, you evil man!” However, your threats are only drowned out by his boisterous laughter. “I’d like to see you try!” 

And you do. Because while he’s busy laughing his ass off at your misery, you earn yourself the rightful chance to aim a snowball right into his face. Three points? You just scored a whole seven. 

He’s baffled - completely, utterly speechless at what’s happened. Well, you definitely weren’t going to stand there and let him conquer victory, he knew that for a fact. He just didn’t think you’d be so blunt. Now you’ve earned him a pink nose. But was he going to let you get away with it? No, Namjoon’s a Virgo. 

He charges towards you like a clumsy child. You almost screech in surprise, instead, busting out in fits of laughter as you tumble and trip away from him. “Hey-! Get back here!” He cries out, almost face-planting into a hefty pile of snow. That would’ve been outright hilarious. 

“Just try and catch me, big man!”

It’s light-hearted, it’s all lively and pleasant. You were both adults, but nothing stopped you from feeding into the fruits of life and feeling youthful sometimes. You both did it for the hell of it because you knew that with each other, you could be anything. 

You’re too busy laughing to actually take notice of where your feet were taking you, feigning into the mess beneath you and tripping in your own feet. A loud thud leaves your descent, and with that, your boyfriend tumbling down on top of you because he was too clumsy for his own good. It was cute, really. Namjoon lets out a terrified shriek, his arms landing just beside your head - luckily because you’re pretty sure you would’ve earned yourself a long-surviving black-eye. 

“Got you,” he says rather flusteredly. There’s a hint of panic in his eyes that almost seems as if he’s seen God himself. Had the fall really taken the piss out of him? 

“No,” you state, shaking your head as best as you can. “Technically speaking, I got you.” You place a quick kiss on his pretty pink nose just for good measure, because in truth, you really did get him. He was on three points while you were on a steady seven. Namjoon pulls his lips in a taut line ever so shyly, hiding the growing smile planting itself on his face. No longer was he your arch-nemesis - your boyfriend was back to being your friendly neighbourhood giant. “Shouldn’t we get back to decorating? I thought you wanted to beat the others.” Perhaps it slipped through his mind because the second those words slip through yours, he’s already hoisting himself up and pulling you along with him. Kim Namjoon does not give up in the face of competition, that much is clear, even when he’d previously been working off a snowball fight.

“I couldn’t help myself!” He defends nonetheless, his palm scratching shyly at his mess of a mane. “But now that I think about it, we can have as many snowball fights as we want when we kick ass. A win-win situation, if I do say so myself.”

A win-win situation indeed. 

When the boys call later on in the evening, it becomes clear that Namjoon was second in lead - Jimin taking first place. While the rest were busy taking things easily, he’d effortlessly managed to get things done in only a short matter of time. He definitely wasn’t there to play. 

“No way. You’re cheating!” Taehyung accuses, astonishment evident from the little you could see of his face. His lighting was absolute crap. Despite his belief, Jimin easily shakes off his accusation with a mischievous grin. “I don’t know Taehyung, maybe if you hadn’t been slacking off at Taco Bell you would’ve been catching up.” 

“Wha-! What a heathen - I’d choose Taco Bell over this any day!”

“How dare you! This is Christmas decorating you red-headed scoundrel!”

“This isn’t about you Seokjin!”

“Might as well be,” Yoongi mumbles from beside him, lazily scrolling through his phone as a yawn escapes his lips. You might just think he’s aged by a couple of years because of this ordeal. “You’re all complete losers,” Jungkook comments, face completely mushed against his phone as he nibbles on whatever was in front of him. The kid feared absolutely nothing - the wrath of a butthurt Kim Seokjin wasn’t any different.

Namjoon squints at his phone. He clearly wasn’t wearing his glasses, nor his contact lenses, and you knew he’d face the consequences later on. You’ve spent countless days by his side tending to his colossal headache. “Are you… Are you eating raw pop tarts?”

“Yes.”

“Raw. Aren’t you supposed to toast them?” There’s confusion laced in his tone, and in between, intense fear. “That’s like, a felony.”

Jungkook lets out a scandalised gasp. “No way! I’m not letting this piece of divine heaven be tainted by modern technology! I don’t even have a toaster, and there’s no way in hell I’m touching the microwave.”

Hoseok snickers. “He thinks it’s going to explode.”

“Don’t test me! I know the evil that sits within that thing.” 

As complex at it was, you’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no explaining what these men are made out of. They’re simply built differently. In fact, you’ve grown out of trying to comprehend them, because you could be on your death-bed and they’d still be saying and doing things that would make you sigh and shake your head. 

---

Alas, the day has come, and so have the boys, who just wouldn’t stop rambunctiously banging on your door. You’re busy setting up the table, Mon at your feet wagging his tail excitedly. “Namjoon!” You call out, balancing a few plates on the palms of your hands. “Namjoon! Could you get the door?”

However, as much as you yell, Namjoon doesn’t respond. You suppose it’s because he hasn’t come back from wherever he had gone earlier during the day. Odd. 

Nonetheless, you set a few plates down on the dining table, hurriedly skipping over to your front door only to be trampled by none other than your special guests for the night. “Finally!” A rather over-dramatic Seokjin sighs, patting away the invisible sweat dripping down his forehead. “Waiting for you to open was like running a marathon. I swear!” 

You could only laugh as Jimin pulls you in for an embrace - it was in his habits to do so whenever he saw you. It’s not as if you mind, his hugs were by far the best you’ve felt. They were full of love and warmth, something that perfectly describes the man himself. “Don’t mind him,” he tells you, rolling his eyes at the dramatics his friend was making. “He really needed to piss.” 

“Sorry for taking so long - Namjoon hasn’t gotten back home from this morning.” 

“He hasn’t?” Yoongi neatly sets his shoes by the door, unwrapping a thick scarf from his neck, dangling it on your coat hanger. “That’s pretty unusual, he doesn’t like being out in cold weather.” 

“He probably got into some traffic,” you assume, “Hopefully he’ll be back soon. Until then, make yourselves at home. We’ll order take-out soon!”

All of you were like a proper family when it came to celebrating Christmas. Each year, sleepovers are taken in turns going from eldest to youngest. This year just so happens to be Namjoon’s turn - it’s not as if you mind, the house seems more lively when they’re around. They had that thing about them, that wherever they went they tended to make things brighter. Not once have you felt gloomy or perhaps left out. The seven of them all had qualities in contrast to one another, all showing you different ways of happiness. You’re lucky to say you have them in your life.

The wait for Namjoon continues. You all settle with playing board games, for the time being, the living room turning into a whole battleground because Yoongi can’t go by without cheating once in a while. He was really cunning, you could see Taehyung trying to pick up on his tricks. 

“Uno!” Jimin yells, shoving a proud middle finger in Seokjin’s face. The man could faint from the amount of disrespect he was receiving. “Try beating that, old man.” 

“I’ll tell you I’m more than an old man! I want a rematch. You’re all cheats, all of you.”

“You’re just a sore loser.” Jungkook was on thin ice. His nitpicking on Seokjin was getting him nowhere but pure, utter hell while he was sleeping. You admire his courage - he was fucking insane. “Sore losers don’t win, old man.” 

Seokjin almost gets up to throttle him for his constant bullying when the door swings open and you’re all met by layers upon layers of clothing stomping inside. He’s carrying a bunch of bags you can’t seem to decipher, and you could see his nose poking out from his scarf. 

Finally, Namjoon’s back home. 

“Hey __, I’m back. I’m sorry I took so-” 

“Joon, you idiot!” Before you could even bat an eye, Taehyung and Hoseok were on the man like hungry beasts. He was already eaten up by whatever garments he was wearing, the only pieces missing were the duo for him to finally disappear. “What took you so long? We were worried sick! Jimin can’t DJ for the life of him.” 

“Hey-!”

You hoist yourself up and dust off whatever remnants of gingerbread cookies were left on you. All the concern that had been building up over time of Namjoon not being home had now diminished. Sudden relief washes over you because you hadn’t really noticed how worried sick you’ve been until he’d stepped into the house. Namjoon can be really impulsive sometimes. 

“Joon,” He wraps his arms around your smaller figure and places a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Where have you been? Had me really worried for a second there.”

There’s this cheeky look in his face that makes you swoon. He’s so lovely, in all his ways, you just can’t help but be filled with so much love. You love him. 

“I kind of… I kind of forgot to pick your present up. Sorry - Didn’t want to worry you, just a clumsy move.” 

He’s all you’ve ever imagined. 

“Get over here you two - we’re ordering take-out!” Your little moment is easily interrupted by the guys hollering you over, to which you oblige because you wouldn’t want to waste another second. You could hear Namjoon’s stomach grumbling a bit. “Have I been out for that long?” He queries, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. “Dummy, it’s six in the afternoon. It’s already dark.” 

“Well, I’m finally back home now, right where I need to be.” 

You don’t notice it, but there’s a little mistletoe just above your heads. And Namjoon knows this because he points up towards it with mirth laced in his pretty eyes and a pretty smile. “Merry Christmas,” he tells you before he leans in and gives you what you rightfully deserve.

#btscreatorscorner #bcccse #bts fanfic #bts oneshot #bts au #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #jeon jungkook #park jimin #kim taehyung #kim namjoon #kim namjoon x reader #namjoon reader #namjoon fluff #kim namjoon fluff #namjoon fic #kim namjoon fic

[jihoonpandaeyes]

the week of ragnorok

posting this because so many kpop comebacks/debuts have happened from the 15th to the 21st it's so crazy that I've called this week "the week of ragnorok" lmao. what's companies' obsession w/this week we'll never know

anyways, let me begin!

1. ponzona - purple kiss

purple kiss are a seven member girl group under rbw entertainment, the same company that has mamamoo, oneus and onewe. they debuted two days ago with a such a STELLAR song called ponzona. this song is them flexing their vocals and raps and i'm OBSESSED.

their ep called into violet is no skips, including pre-release singles can we talk again and my heart skip a beat. the ep mostly consists of slower songs such as can we talk again and period that showcase their vocals really well. also some upbeat, hype songs such as my heart skip a beat and skip skip are also in the ep.

these girls are so talented, so let's root for them! i see such a bright future for them.

2. killa - mirae

mirae are a seven member boy group under dsp media, the same company that kard and april are under. they debuted on the 17th with the song killa which has a sound reminiscent of nct 127's superhuman. the concept is intriguing as it's a combination of futuristic sci-fi and traditional. i'm really curious to see how they develop it in the future.

the mood of the song is something that would be included in a superhero montage the vocals are solid along with the rap, making this overall a very strong debut in my opinion.

i haven't formed solid opinions of the ep killa yet, but it is a good step forward for a rookie group and has standout tracks such as swagger which was written by bm of kard, and higher, the instrumental being used as the theme song for mirae's youtube reality show.

pls perform one stage of higher mirae i am begging

these boys exude such an awkward but charming atmosphere when they're together, like that's the main reason i like them. but they're also mega talented, so check them out! they really do have the full package.

3. after school - weeekly

weeekly is a seven member (what's up w/the number 7?) girl group under playm entertainment, the same company that houses victon and apink. they debuted on june 30 2020 with the song tag me, gaining attention for being a cute song amongst all the girl crush-esque concepts debuting at the time.

after school is their third comeback on the 17th and let me say that I ADORE THE STYLING. when i saw the first concept photos, it was love at first sight. i kept up with the updates just to see more of the styling and hopefully find a bop while i'm at it. AND FOUND A BOP I DID.

the mv is so bright and vibrant and has a variety of sets, making it feel like a breath of fresh air. i loved the scene where the girls were skateboarding on the rooftop 'cause it felt like i hadn't been outside in ages due to how boxed in kpop mvs feel nowadays.

the song's hook is so smooth and catchy like it lives in my head rent-free. also that reference to tag me is so cute.

the stages for this song are on point from the styling to the stage presence and the brief use of a skateboard was a nice thing to see. they're honestly such a serotonin boost, so go watch one if you haven't already. this one is my favourite.

the ep, we play, is pretty solid judging from the few times i've heard it. i haven't fully listened to it yet, but instant standout tracks are yummy, which was written by one of the members. also lucky whose instrumental reminds me of panaroma by iz*one.

yeah, so check out weeekly!

3. do or not - pentagon

pentagon are a seven member boy group under cube entertainment and they're back with do or not which dropped on the 15th this song is has some rock elements much like their 2020 comeback, daisy. despite the bright visuals, do or not's lyrics are the exact opposite. they're about wanting to get over a breakup by pretending not to care, but still feeling hurt.

the lyric explanations are not my own, they are from a reddit post explaining all the aspects of this comeback linked here. all credit to them.

lyrics include:

"i don't care if you do or not. it doesn't matter, no matter what you say."

the chorus:

so what, i don't care

so far it seems like pentagon have gotten over the heartbreak and are vocal about it not controlling them anymore.

but the bridge tells a different story to the rest of the song:

leave me, let's see if you'll be alright

i'm going to try my best to forget you

i'll easily forget about you, and will hate you a little

the fact that they're trying to forget the heartbreak means that the song was a whole trick. that's what people do when they don't want to acknowledge their true feelings.

the contrast of pentagon's sound and visuals to their lyrics is interesting and a reminder to not take content at face value, to always look if there's a deeper meaning.

i love the overarching sound throughout this ep, like i could hear each of these songs being featured in a coming-of-age movie (one of my favourite subsection of music lmao).

standout tracks for me are that's me, baby i love you and boy in time. the album is a satisfying listen due to its cohesion, so i recommend you check it out.

whew, now i'm done. i didn't dive into every comeback that happened this week or this would never be released lmao. so here's my honorable mentions!

feel like - woodz

i like you - ciipher

young blood - drippin'

house party - super junior

breaking dawn - the boyz 1st japanese album

#purple kiss #mirae #weeekly #pentagon #ponzona #killa #after school #do or not #ciipher #i like you #super junior #house party #young blood #drippin' #the boyz #breaking dawn #feel like #woodz #kpop comeback review

[aestheticsociety111]

Social Distancing-- But Make It Aesthetic

A guide to staying in by Tyler. I had fun spending a lot of time on this, i hope you can take away something from it :))

note: photos are NOT mine unless stated that they are

Things you can do anywhere:

Make art: doodle on random pen and paper, make sketches, paint if you have paint! Digital work, collages and sewing projects are also cool to start. Keep your mind and hands busy

(photo by me, tyler watts)

Journaling: this is such a culturally/historically significant time that we’re in, so write out thoughts, feelings, and document your day to day to look back and remember the current state of things. Writing is a great way to reflect and communicate with yourself!

Meditate: Meditation can take many forms-- yoga, breathing exercises, working on chakra alignment and being still with your thoughts are great ways to detach and focus on spiritual/emotional health.

Watch movies (or should i say films): Netflix, hulu, on-demand, and random gems on YouTube and other websites are great places to find movies to watch. Working through a movie list is fun and keeps you busy!

What I’ve watched thus far→ Fight Club (1999), Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019), The Vampire Diaries Season 1(2009)

Read books: Reading is a great way to pass the time especially if you don't normally have time for it during regular school. Read an e-book or listen to an audiobook if you don't have any in print with you! Reading is aesthetic because it makes you look and feel smart, which is fun and simple as that.

What I’m reading → This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald (it moves kind of slow but it’s interesting)

Get famous on social media: make vlogs on youtube, create a twitter. Be resourceful, inventive, and get a following going. A lot of people will be online, so take advantage and create content!!!

Become a Pinterest addict: Enter a well of outfit ideas, photography inspo, corny quotes, recipes, beauty tips, workouts, and more (: You can really spend days at a time on here

Follow me→ @tylerrwatts

Learn all the TikTok dances: I don't think i have to explain this one. You’ll already probably spend hours on this app per day, so while you’re at it try out all the dances on your for you page.

Research astrology: i know a lot about western astrology, so if you want to chat or have someone read your chart just hit me up! Or, download apps like CoStar Astrology or look online here to start beginner’s research.Take what you want from astrology (and don’t take it too seriously) but it is a cool way to pass the time, learn about yourself, your friends, and the stars

Workout: Even if you don’t have equipment, carve out at least ten minutes for something to get your blood flowing (push ups, core circuits, squats, yoga, the aforementioned tik tok dances, etc). Endorphins = good vibes

Become a beauty guru: Even without a ton of palettes or swatches get creative and experiment with makeup if you’re into wearing it. Perfect that wing and paint your nails too!

Stay hydrated: It’s 2020. America’s favorite pastime is (or at least i think it should be) drinking water! Period

Stay caffeinated: As I learned after not having coffee or caffeinated tea since Tuesday morning, do whatever it takes to survive and maintain that serotonin. I recommend green teas and matcha as well as any form of instant coffee you can find and store long term. BUT, avoid going out to dunkin or starbucks; it’s not that deep

Music: Streaming, vinyls, cassettes, CDs-- whatever you can listen on, vibe out, dance around, and discover new artists

some new albums I recommend: 

- Man Alive! by King Krule

- Kiss My Super Bowl Ring by The Garden

- Eternal Atake by Lil Uzi Vert

my Spotify: tylwat7

the aesthetic society playlist (add some songs): 

Some things if you’re staying at home :

Organize your wardrobe: Put stuff you don't want anymore in a bag for the thrift shop to take later. Create lookbooks and keep track of outfit ideas so people will say, “wow you look great!” when you see them again, and you can pretend like you didn’t spend the last month or so away from your peers focused on one goal: the glow up

Chef thingz: Make your favorite dishes, drinks, and microwave meals. Get creative, food is friend! Some cool things to eat/drink include:

charcuterie boards: fancy lunchables that are very easy to make if you’re vegan! https://www.spendwithpennies.com/how-to-make-a-charcuterie-board/

Whipped coffee (as seen on tiktok) it’s great, lightweight, sweet coffee 

Fancy oatmeal and/or yogurt

Cereal

E g g s ( if you are vegan i don't recommend these)

In Conclusion

I hope you guys can have fun indoors! Keep spirits high and spread positivity <3

[hemant3693sworld-blog]

Seven facts about coffee you probably didn't know 

Coffee is the world's favorite hot drink with an estimated 2.25 billion cups drink every day globally. We discovered seven reasons why you might want to get yourself a cup of coffee right now. As a bonus you'll find a simple recipe for a unique coffee cocktail. So without wasting time, lets move to the Benefits of Coffee.

Top 7 Benefits of coffee

Coffee boosts brainpower 

Coffee with sugar can turn you into a little genius for a while because the combination of caffeine and glucose activates certain sectors of your brain. The caffeine and coffee acts as a mild stimulant to the central nervous system. This neuronal activity triggers the release of the adrenaline that will affect your body in several ways. Your heartbeat increases, blood pressure rises, breathing tubes open up, sugar is released into the bloodstream for extra energy. Depending on the level of intake it can help improve attention and concentration Remember that slump right after lunch? If you wish your boss would announce a little siesta time? Well, if you are not in Spain caffeine can improve wakefulness during the post-lunch dip. We know that working hours may be tough sometimes Coffee is effective in boosting brain performance for those suffering from jet lag or shift work sleep disorder. However never drink coffee on an empty stomach, since that will do the direct opposite. The effects of caffeine tend to be less pronounced in regular coffee drinkers.

Coffee increases blood pressure

You might want to keep off the coffee if you are going to have a blood pressure test within the next two days. If you have high blood pressure ask your doctor whether you should limit or stop drinking caffeinated beverages. On the other hand hypertension or low blood pressure can be a serious and life-threatening problem If not treated. A tiny cup of coffee can battle a hypertensive episode, a situation where your blood pressure is too low. Add a cup of caffeinated beverage to each meal to raise your blood pressure.

Coffee makes your immune system stronger

Coffee is known for its energy-boosting caffeine effect. It's an abundant source of nutrients and helpful chemicals that can aid your immune system. According to scientists from several countries, coffee reduces the risk of premature death. This is because coffee alters your immune system making it stronger and healthier Coffee contains a lot of antioxidants and phenolic compounds that play a crucial role in cancer prevention. It also improves your liver, heart and digestive system. Still try to stick to natural freshly ground coffee. Instant coffee contains fewer nutrients and more chemical additives and one more important fact for Parkinson's disease Research suggests that, among other factors the potential preventive effect may be due to caffeine too. Coffee relieves a headache. The caffeine can cure headaches and migraines People are aware that caffeine is found in coffee, tea, soft drinks and chocolate But may not know that caffeine is also contained in a variety of over-the-counter medications. That's why it's an ingredient in a lot of traditional pain relievers. It can make them as much as 40 percent more effective. Caffeine increases the strength of the medication, and how quickly it works. So enjoy the stimulating and pain relieving properties of caffeine in moderation.

Coffee reduces stress

Coffee acts well as an anti stress substance due to the release of dopamine and serotonin which trigger a good mood. One cup or even just the smell of coffee can calm your nerves. This could explain the lower risk of depression among coffee drinkers. Drinking between two to four cups of coffee every day appears to reduce the risk of suicide in men and women by 50%. Moreover caffeine is one of the most common stimulators of the central nervous system, and it's common stimulation is what keeps depression at bay. Interestingly only the caffeine contained in coffee has this effect as opposed to the caffeine found in tea, soda or chocolate which does not stimulate the central nervous system as effectively.

Coffee improves your memory

Coffee can positively affect mood, enhance awareness and memory abilities. The stimulators and neuro mediators obtained from coffee not only boost your mood and productivity but also improve your memory. Of course this only works with your short-term memory but this is good enough because all Information is initially stored in a short-term memory and only an hour later does it enter our long-term memory under particular circumstances. At times when it gets a little too difficult to focus a coffee break will offer a welcome change of mind by enhancing Concentration and stimulating moods. All in all, coffee is an enjoyable drink that can help boost energy and increase the ability to learn and remember.

Coffee helps you lose weight

Hey coffee lovers, file this under best news ever Coffee can keep off and help you lose excess weight. It can temporarily suppress your appetite and may stimulate minimal calorie burning. When the level of the hormone leptin is low, your body starts storing fat, and you gain weight. Coffee however increases the hormone levels in your body. Now you know why coffee lovers take longer to gain weight and why exercise yields more results for them caffeine gives you an added boost at work or during exercise.

And here's our bonus: An amazing coffee cocktail recipe. If you're looking for something sweet to pair your milk, this cocktail recipe is a must. It is deliciously smooth and refreshing and it's bottled ready to take on the go. Make your favorite coffee Let it cool off then fill an ice cube tray with the coffee place in the freezer. on a hot day and the coffee cubes to a glass of milk. Sip a delicious mix and feel wonderful.

Many studies suggest that coffee drinkers live longer than non-coffee drinkers. This may be because of confident official effects and inflammation, lung function, insulin sensitivity, and depression. This may be in part because of a class of phytonutrients found in coffee beans called Chlorogenic acid proven to have favorable effects with studies.

Factors affecting Coffee's nutritional value

Okay so now the question which arises is that which coffee is most beneficial for our body? We know how to choose the reddest tomato, the deepest orange, sweet potato. Since many of the plant pigments are the antioxidants themselves, How do you choose the healthiest coffee? More than a hundred coffees were tested in an experiment and different coffees had different caffeine levels but the Chlorogenic acid levels varied by more than 30%.

Coffee selection may have a large influence upon health. So all those studies that show that you know one cup of coffee does this or that, I mean what does that even mean when coffee can vary so greatly.

As some famous coffee distributors roast there beans so much that they lost their chlorogenic acid content and they have almost 10 times lower chlorogenic acid content as compared to the other types of coffee. It's because they roast their beans too dark the more you roast the less there is they appear to be partially destroyed by roasting and caffeine is pretty stable but a dark roast may wipe out nearly 90 percent of the chlorogenic acid content of the beans the difference between a medium light roast and a medium rose were not enough though to make a difference in total antioxidant status in people's bloodstream. After drinking them they both gave about the same boost other factors such as how you prepare it or decaffeination don't appear to have a major effect.

Bottom line

When milk was added to the coffee in like a test tube antioxidant activity decreased by more than half with just a splash of milk and down like 95 percent and like latte or something with lots of milk okay but what happens in the test tube doesn't necessarily happen in a person. I mean you don't know until you put it to the test and indeed over the course of a day significantly fewer chlorogenic acids made it into people's blood.

Drinking coffee with milk compared to black cuts absorption by more than half. 

Eat milk chocolate and nothing much happens to the antioxidant power of your bloodstream but eat dark chocolate and get a nice spike within an hour of consumption yeah but is that just because the milk in milk chocolate crowds out some of the antioxidant. Rich cocoa milk chocolate contains like 20% cocoa where's a good dark chocolate maybe like 70% or more cocoa.

How much of this cocoa phytonutrient you get into your bloodstream eating dark chocolate compared to milk chocolate but eat that same amount of dark chocolate with a glass of milk and it blocks about half okay. 

If you lied this article then Share the article with your friends to keep them caffeinated.

[soulfoodfitness-blog]

Is your Mood Type contributing to your Mental Health?

Your nutrition and periodic lifestyle habits might be contributing to your mental health. According to Julia Ross, author of “The Mood Cure”; what your body absorbs through your internal and external environment greatly contributes to how you respond physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Deficiencies in Vitamin D can cause “SAD”; Seasonal Affective Disorder. Thus, lack of sunshine can severely impact a persons mood and energy. Not to mention this inhibits absorption of other nutrients such as calcium and magnesium. This causes anxiety, depression, insomnia, anger, and chronic fatigue.

Exposure to pollution, smoking, exhaust fumes, and city factories exposes our body’s, minds and spirits to heavy metals, depleting our bodies of vital nutrients needed to support healthy brain chemistry.

Our society runs on “fight or flight” response, due to our heavy demand to work a 9-5 government sitting job; lacking activity, sleep, maintaining social status, and home life. This contributing to chronic stress and depleting our bodies of more vitamins and minerals, important for brain stability. No surprise that we cannot find time to see the happiness and joy that is all around us.

Much of these exposures to environmental toxins contribute to our society having at least one of these four types of mood “types”, potentially being the main trigger to the high rise in our Mental Health illnesses today.

Type 1. Under a Dark Cloud

Do you often feel worried or anxious? Perhaps seeing the glass half empty, as opposed to half full? Do you find yourself with low self-esteem, self-confidence? Do you experience emotions of irritability, anger, impatience, restlessness, obsessive or have repetitive thought patterns? Can these thought patterns contribute to your inability to sleep at night, craving sweets and starches? Does the winter come and you instantly feel a low blow. As if your whole world has flipped upside down, and you have no energy or motivation to go about your regular routines. If you find relief in the above symptoms through exercise or have been abusing antidepressant drugs, you may be experiencing a deficiency in serotonin.

Serotonin is our happy chemical that keeps our emotions stable. Allowing us to feel content, generous and at peace within. It’s recommended to balance the good and bad bacteria in your gut and body with a high potency probiotic, as 95% of serotonin is produced in the digestive tract. Copious studies show the correlation between healthy gut bacteria and mood. It’s recommended to increase your foods high in serotonin including; eggs, turkey, pineapples, tofu, countless nuts, and seeds.

 Type 2. Suffering from the Blahs

Are you low on physical and mental energy? Do you often feel tired, lack motivation, enthusiasm and find that even the thought of you getting in your car to drive yourself to the gym is too much of a mountain to climb. Perhaps, even completing the slightest task seems daunting as you find yourself nodding off not being able to focus or concentrate. Do you need more than 8 hours of sleep? Even when you do sleep 10 hours you still have trouble getting up in the morning? Perhaps you often feel chilled, cold and you need to stimulate yourself with caffeine, or other “users”; chocolate, diet pills or cocaine. These are common symptoms of numberless “fight or flight” individuals who have overburdened adrenal glands. They have run their thyroids to the ground with over circulation of stimulating hormone adrenalin. The thyroid has given up, unable to produce hormones such as adrenaline and noradrenaline. This contributes to proper thermogenesis and energy in the body.

I worked with assorted individuals with addictions and mental health imbalances. I suggested a reduction or eliminating coffee/ caffeine, sugar and/or all stimulants. These are the main factors in restoring the balance of the thyroid gland. These stimulants exclude a natural conversion that the brain produces. From amino acid L- tyrosine to L-dopamine to Catecholamines (Nor-adrenalin and Adrenaline). It gives the brain an instant shot of adrenaline, depleting the body of much-needed L-tyrosine for future stress responses. In that sense, the cycle begins. The more L-tyrosine we deplete through instant gratifying adrenaline stimulants, the more we need those stimulants to act in our regular routines. Nonetheless, this contributes to more factors, such as blood sugar imbalances, hypertension, and pre-hormonal changes.

Type 3. Overwhelmed by Stress

Do you often feel overworked, pressured, uptight, tense or stiff? Do you have trouble relaxing and find your self in need of a message more often than regular. Are you frustrated, agitated under stress? Do you feel weak, or perhaps overwhelmed and burdened, you cannot seem to get everything done. Your brain is in fact not producing enough GABA, due to lack of amino acid, Taurine and Glycine in the body. GABA is a brain neurotransmitter responsible for reducing stress and allowing us to feel calm, still and relaxed. It’s our natural tranquilizer. It increases with the increase of melatonin, in which induces sleepy feeling at nightfall.

Taurine is an amino acid that converts to neurotransmitter GABA in the brain. This amino acid can be discovered in certain foods, which can affect individuals with a strict vegan or vegetarian diet. This amino acid; contributes to muscle function, bile salt formation and lowering blood pressure and cholesterol. It’s located solely in animal foods. These foods include fish, seafood, meat, poultry, and dairy products. Individuals who practice veganism, and vegetarianism, should include Taurine supplementation. This will not increase the risk of further imbalances in the future. Be mindful and choose organic, antibiotic-free animal products. This reduces the development of carcinogens in the body and reduces the impact on the environment.

Type 4. Too sensitive to Life’s Pain

Do you consider your self, or do others consider you to be sensitive? Do you find your self-tearing up readily, during movies, TV commercials and you cannot seem to express your emotions without tearing up in an instant? Do you avoid dealing with painful issues, and in fact block your emotions or allow love to come through. Perhaps you find your self-struggling to let go and move on from losses. Do you struggle with separation, and situations that need grieving? Have you been through a great deal of pain, where you have suffered, physical, emotional, mental or spiritual trauma? Do you crave pleasure, comfort, reward, enjoyment, or numbing from treats like chocolate, bread, wine, romance novels, marijuana, tobacco, or lattes?

You may be lacking some much-needed endorphins. Endorphins are hormones that are released by the pituitary gland to relieve pain and induce feelings of pleasure and euphoria. There are ways to increase naturally boosting endorphins in the body. Keep your brain happy under balance with these tips below:

1.     Exercise is a natural endorphin booster. “Runners high is linked to natural endorphin production”. 2. Get enough protein to produce serotonin, avoid processed foods. 3. Amino acid-rich foods like seeds, nuts, beans, lentils, peas, and sprouted grains. 4. Laugh more! Laughter releases endorphins. 5. Spend time in nature and in the sun. Sunshine has Vitamin D, that helps boost your mood. https://soulfoodfitness.org

#Psychic Tarot #Oracle Readings #Nutrition #Fitness #mental therapy #spiritual therapists #Registered Holistic Nutritionist #mental health #chronic fatigue

[stitches-for-solo]

I Dunno About This One...

Sorry for the wall of text. This is why I need to figure out how to put in a “Keep Reading” cut.

I feel like I slept all day. Probably because essentially, I did. I’m sliding further and further back down the hole I threw myself into a long time ago, and am watching the progress I’ve made since the almost dying incident vanish before my eyes. I know fucking well enough that I’m responsible for my own actions, but little things here and there only give me a tiny bump of positivity, motivation, and energy, if anything at all. (I keep thinking of the minute payback of doing something small, like getting dressed, like taking a little bump of coke off a key, which, to be clear, I’ve never done.) To be frank, considering my mindset and the effort little things can take when you aren’t well, some days, it’s not worth it. Almost instantly, my dysfunctional brain gobbles it all up as fast as it can. Like... [insert creative comparison here, akin to a starved man who’s just been served a 5-course meal, but, y’know, creative]. In theory, if I could take all the little bits of brightness I can manage to churn out and hoard them all in one big pile, ingesting them at the appropriate time, satiating my chemical receptors, and then letting them rest, regulating the process, I would. (Depression for Dummies?) Just like my problems with alcohol and drugs, my brain is a fiend for serotonin, that instant gratification, and there’s nothing I can do about it, or any deficiencies of other neurotransmitters (dopamine, norepinephrine) I probably have. (And man is it sloppy up there in my head, which is appropriate, since I’m the epitome of messy. Unorganized. Shit is everywhere, yet I know where everything is. Yeah, I’m one of those... but it’s not dirty — don’t ever call me dirty. It’s simply a disaster to the untrained eye. I’ve actually read articles linking neglecting to clean with depression, but I’m not sure where or how credible any of the research was. It makes no difference — either way, I’m not the best at keeping areas tidy. I keep going off topic...)

Anyway, I’m really in no condition to do anything drastic that would potentially yield a more substantial “reward”. Everyone tells me to just try. Try the little things, and you’ll adjust, and before you know it, you’ll be ready for more significant things. But good things are just that — good. They aren’t fixes and they aren’t cures. And I’m not using the previous sentence as an excuse to lay down and give up. I’m just being realistic. I know too much about my own problems, thanks to my higher education. I know too much and my peers/family know too little. There’s gotta be a balance between the right actions/effort and the right medication(s), and none of that is happening for me. There’s not a whole lot I can do about my medications, besides take them. It’s apathy that’s the fucking bitch. Why did I sleep till 3pm and not get out of bed until 5pm? Because I didn’t care, you can’t make me care, and I certainly can’t make myself care. (Also, I stayed up all night and it was really cold in my house so I didn’t want to get out from under the blankets...)

Now consider this — it would be one thing if that’s all that I was dealing with. But that’s just a portion of it, and I don’t even know what is wrong with me anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just weak and make bad decisions, then blame said bad decisions on my weak resolve to even try to do the right thing. Maybe I’m just overly sensitive and I am content with wallowing in my own self-inflicted misery. After all, I get to be the laziest, most spoiled bitch I know, sometimes. Big emphasis on sometimes. But then something inevitably happens, and that sick fantasy is shattered over and over again and I have to face facts — it’s not just my personality. I think it’s normal for me to sorta gravitate towards strange things and (trying to choose my words wisely here) unique people. But unless everyone I know is hiding things from me, I sure do feel like a dysfunctional fool a lot of the time when I try to explain certain thoughts or feelings or physical responses that I have to various stimuli. I don’t mind being different. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being drawn to the macabre and unusual things. I enjoy horror movies/books and crime shows, and like researching things like diseases, old torture practices, serial killers, and the crazy shit you can supposedly find on the dark web. And yeah, I’ll cheer for the bad guy. (Kylo 🖤) None of that makes me disturbed or ill. I like normal things, too, like cats, space, sports, game shows, and the Food Network. And music is sometimes my salvation. It’s my thoughts & actions that bother me. I was driving last night and I had a pretty pathetic thought: I don’t have a mental illness; I’m mentally ill. 😶

It probably sounds ridiculous and that I’m dramatic, lazy, not trying, overreacting, making excuses, annoying or even infuriating, but I don’t share everything that goes on upstairs with just anyone. I’ve been places, and I do not want to go back. I will not go back. So I keep my mouth shut. It tends to get me no where good or anywhere fast. Which is fine; I think it’s throwing a wrench in my doctor’s attempt to properly treat me, but if I was completely open and honest, I don’t really know what would transpire and where I’d end up. And in terms of friends/family, I firmly believe it drives people away. I see it. I’m not stupid. People abandon me. They tell me I deserve better, but they don’t give me better. Maybe they just want someone else to do it. They want to know it’s happening, but don’t want to/ can’t put the effort in themselves. I know I’m not verbally or emotionally abused or mistreated, and I think I tend to treat people as they do me. I don’t yell at people unprovoked. (There are exceptions, one of which I have written about above.) I don’t attack my friends and then try to make them feel guilty about it. Sometimes I get frustrated when I get sent pictures of someone’s (boyfriend’s) brand new house for the 6th time and I have to be all excited for them, meanwhile I’m living in my little sister’s old room. Yep, I had to move back in with my parents because I got too sick to be alone and had no where else to go. My mother wouldn’t even give me my old room back. And equally as frustrating is when I have to hear for the 15th time “I put my hand in the cage, and it bit me again. This time I’m bleeding. I know something isn’t right and it has to change..” But then, it’s right back to the same. And I get it. I’ve been there. My ex ripped my heart to shreads, and not just once. And I just kept letting him hurt me, because I believed that somehow, if I just kept trying, if I just kept changing, if I just let all the shitty parts run their course(s), in the end, it would be worth it. Was it? Of course not!

It’s fucking frustrating when someone you care about is being mistreated. In fact, it blows my mind what some people will put up with, but again, I understand, because I did it, too. I think it’s a lesson everyone has to learn for themselves at their own pace and on their own time. These things aren’t teachable. And I know it’s selfish, but sometimes I get a little irritated that I end up so far down on a friend’s list of priorities when I’m only trying to help, and I feel like I could use some help, too. There’s other contributing factors and every situation is unique, of course. But when I’m just trying to be genuine and caring, even if it does come off as harsh, that sucks. But it’s life. It just makes me feel like I’m believing a heaping pile of bs, which does upset me. I’m not egotistical. I don’t need to be #1. But there’s a big difference between not being #1 and being put off to the side so the friend in question can go spend time with the someone else who treats them like absolute shit. (I need to expand on this, because it’s misleading, and I don’t believe an explanation will fit in this post. I’ve also moved things around so much, I feel like it’s not flowing properly, so I’ll be making an additional entry — in a little while. So wait before you judge or assume anything.) But I’m also not stupid. I say that a lot, but my actions must betray my words. Somehow I must be giving off the vibe that I’m an idiot. It’s painful, especially when I want to give more of myself to someone.. invest more time, energy, support, all those things, into the friendship, but the feeling isn’t mutual. I wonder what people think of me. “I don’t want anything to do with her, but she’s fucking insane so I’m afraid she might come after me or hurt herself...” I mean, I am crazy, am I not? So why wouldn’t someone think that? Especially when I’ve heard the same words come out of their mouth before, but about someone else. And I’m not just talking about one or two people here. This seems to be an ongoing theme, and the common factor is me. When I was going through rough times with my ex, I think that’s when the alienation from some of my friends started. I guess they could only take so much, and everyone has a limit, but I also think the person being hurt sees things very differently than those on the outside. I can’t do much, y’know? So I try to give advice or help, but I think I need to learn to back off. I’m scared I’m destroying the relationships with the few people I have left in my life. Sometimes I already feel a shift. Hell, I know things are different. I don’t want to lose everything I have left with my handful of friends, but I am not the type of person who can take unhappiness and paranoia and anything else negative and just squash it and keep quiet. I have to let things out, or they grow until they reach monstrous proportions and I completely lose control. As annoying as it is, I have to ask family and friends “is everything okay?” “Did I do something wrong?” “Are you mad at me?” and eventually it escalates to “What the hell did I do?” “Why are you ignoring me?” etc.. Christ, I must be fun to know.

I was kind of writing before about things that make me feel happy. Having friends made me happy, and I try, but it seems that beyond talking online, no one wants to take me up on any offers anymore. I think I burned all my bridges and trying to start all over is challenging at my age when most people have careers and families. I don’t fit in anymore, and honestly, I have a suspicion that potential dating partners my age are still single because they’re not interested in settling down. I feel like I’m going to end up alone. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. Life was supposed to be so much more fulfilling and just a pleasure to live. I know everyone goes through rough patches, and I absolutely hate talking like this, but I know I was expected to be so much more than this. It wasn’t me who was pegged as the one who would make such a fucking mess out of everything. I’m in a position where putting myself out there for rejection is a bad, very bad idea. It’s damaging. But so is being alone/surrounded by people who you don’t get along with. I’m stuck; I don’t know what to do, where to turn, and who really cares. One more note about friends.. Or who I refer to as my friends. I write about them in here, and they don’t even know this blog exists. No one really checks up on me, and I know that could be for lots of reasons. I don’t tend to reach out anymore either, but it’s because I don’t really have anything to offer. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was to accept that my old best friend didn’t consider me his best friend anymore. I guess it’s been a while now, and I’m okay with just calling him a “friend” or by his name. But it was tough. I was so broken down about my breakup that I completely fell apart, and he really just abandoned me. I’d see all the pictures he would post on Facebook.. out hanging out with his “BFF”, all smiles and having fun while I’d stayed in bed and cried all day with no one left to go to for comfort or company. I felt so disgusting, needy, weak, insignificant, hopeless.. all this after I let him borrow a substantial amount of money because he had moved 1500 miles away and needed financial help getting home because he had decided he didn’t want to be there anymore. I was so desperate and distraught that I let him borrow.. a lot of money. And that was what I was met with when he got back. I was still alone, he never wanted to hang out because I was always so down, and I haven’t seen a dime of my money. I could go on... but I won’t. Lesson learned.

I think there’s some parts here that don’t make sense. I was copying and pasting and moving stuff around and adding/deleting things, and it’s almost 7am. I might work on this later after I get some sleep. Or I might decide it’s a waste of time cause no one reads my rants anyway. Obviously I didn’t mean to offend anyone, and I mean no ill will towards anyone I know. Like I said, there are some things I just have to get off my chest.

#Mental Health #Depression #Friends #Friendships #Rambling Rant #Lonely #Alone #Expanded Above