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thebooki3h · 3 years

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Lukadamianette Au Part 2

First Here Next

We begin where we left off, with Luka and Marinette on one of the dates Luka Planned. Just because it makes sense in this, Luka and Mari arrive a week early

Because Mari is emancipated and excused herself for the first week of school before the trip during which the class is still in France bc they just ended summer and all that jazz. also I have decided that the trip has turned into a half semester exchange program even though this doesn’t make the most sense, but the French school thought the class could use a reward and tbh they just wanted to get the Akuma class out for awhile. Also this way they aren’t in Gotham for a whole semester of senior year. The trip is planned for the first half of the first semester of senior year. I know that this doesn't make a whole lot of sense but just stick with me.

They go sight seeing and basically on a week long date bc the following week begins the Wayne sponsored exchange program and when Luka has to work for Jagged. One day they go to museums, the next the go to famous parks around Gotham (which are thriving thanks to Poison Ivy), the next they see all of the famous villain spots (which are surprisingly popular tourist destinations bc for the most part they don’t get hit twice in short periods of time) which is a good cover for studying past bat battles. They take days in between to rest and use the inspiration they gained to make new songs or clothing designs.

They share hotel room bc Mari’s parents stopped being her parents a long time ago and lost their say and bc Jagged says they are grown up enough to be responsible for their actions (which brings a blush to their cheeks every time bc “daaaaaddddd” “uncle jaggeeedddd”)

Mari also makes it her mission to visit all of the non chain coffee shops at least once while they are there bc coffee became her best friend when she was active as ladybug. She meets Tim in almost everyone because Tim also drinks coffee obsessively. Luka is more of a tea drinker because coffee interrupts his musical thought process and tea is less harsh. Marinette drinks tea when she wants to relax but coffee is the fuel of the gods. She expresses this to Tim and that's how they become acquainted bc finally someone understands his love for coffee. They exchange numbers after they run into each other for a fourth time. (Luka silently thinks that he might have to talk to Mari about her obsession of coffee again and if there is a rehab center for coffee drinkers) Tim learns that Mari is from the exchange class very quickly based off of Luka’s French accent as well as her light French accent that is mixed with a couple things he can’t quite place.

The class arrives, Lila ofc tried to pull something to leave Mari behind and she thought she was successful so she was gloating. She ofc took credit for the whole trip claiming that she was super close to the Waynes and that she helped Damian acclimate to his new school (she actually knows that Damian didn’t start living with his father until 10 bc why not). Mrs Bustier tries to check in under both her name and Lila’s name, both of which don’t work because they are A) an hour and a half early and B) all of the reservations are under the contest winners name (they have to ok their chaperones to use their name) C)Mrs Bustier told Mari to make all of the reservations under Mari’s name anyway and she totally forgot that.

So the sit in the lobby for an hour, Lila has the whole class riled up bc Marinette isn't there and it is al her fault that they can’t get in to their rooms. Marinette shows up with Luka 15 mins before the class was supposed to show up (they had just gotten lunch at a cafe that jagged had recommended) and she is laughing and happy, which causes the class to BLOW UP in her face. She ignores them and checks everyone into their rooms. Kagami and Chloe share a suite bc they are rich in their own right and upgraded their shared room bc they are dating and signed up to be roommates. They got this okayed by Buister in writing JIC. Marinette as the contest winner also got a suite (the room she had been staying in with Luka that she just extended the booking for)

Lila and Alya obviously make a big fuss about them getting special treatment but bustier can’t do anything because Mari won’t let her. She secretly thinks Mari is a lost cause now but she tries her best to get her to see that she has to be a role model. Mari actually planned the whole trip and she did a fucking fantastic job bc its Mari and planning something is what she is great at. She has all of the bases covered including iternerary, bookings for food, emergency contact info, health info, info on Gotham, safety procedures and the whole shebang. All of which had to be approved by Bustier and that Bustier has copies of but totally ignored.

The next day they try to pull the let’s leave an hour early to leave behind Marinette stunt. Not only does that fail because the tour can’t start until the contest winner is there, but they arrived before Wayne tower was even open to the public. Because jagged is extra he shipped Luka and Marinette motorcycles to Gotham bc they were going to be there for a couple months, they also got special permission from Wayne enterprises to park their bikes in the employee parking structures from Tim once he heard that they rode bikes as expensive as Jason’s. So she left early from the hotel with Luka(bc she knew that Bustier would leave her behind somehow) to go meet up with Tim at a new coffee place (one of his favorites). They end up riding on their respective bikes to WE together so they can hang out before the tour. Luka goes to a recording studio to meet up with Jagged, but not before a very passionate kiss goodbye, which makes Tim blush. (Tim may not seem like the biker type but he is a bat and he lives with Jason so he not only knows how to ride a motorcycle well has one, so it may not be his favorite mode of transportation but he’ll live)

So he and Marinette walk to WE about a half an hour before the class is supposed to be there in the middle of a debate on how best to brew coffee (Mari insists its French press) and low and behold they are there yelling at the receptionist. Mari gives Tim a look that says I’m so sorry you have to see this and yes I was not exaggerating walks up to the receptionist and apologizes for what she is about to do (not for the classes actions bc fuck them they can apologize for themselves she has learned to not take responsibility for others actions and she won’t let all that work go to waste). She then proceeds to yell, much louder than someone of her stature presumably should “SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I STG I WILL BREAK JOKER OUT OF ARKHAM AND LOCK HIM IN A ROOM WITH ALL OF YOU WITHOUT FLINCHING” this is shocking to everyone, especially mrs bustier who is scandalized that her role model student would do something like this.

Tim had a feeling that something video worthy would happen so as soon as she walked away he started recording, and he was NOT disappointed. The video gos straight to the batfam gc and Luka immediately. He powered off his phone then he proceeds to start laughing and applauding. Upon seeing the CEO’s reaction the rest of the employees start applauding as well bc damn those kids were rude. Tim then walks up to Mari talking at a speed no one but Mari, Chloe and Kagami could understand (bc the class is not fluent in English no matter what they would tell you). Mari proceeds to blush once he informs her that he sent a video to Luka (he does not tell her about the batfam gc)

Chloe and Kagami are immediate intrigued bc this is NOT what they picture when Mari said she met someone who loves coffee as much as she does. they may be hella gay for each other but damn that man is ripped. They join the convo while the class remains befuddled bc who knew Mari even swore. in the back of his mind Nino is reminded of a young blue-eyed girl who lost playground privileges for a week bc someone made fun of his glasses and proceed to punch said someone in the nose. But he shakes it of because Mari hasn’t been like that in years.

Bustier eventually collects herself and gently, so as not to cause an Akuma (apparently she didn't get the memo), reminds Mari that they are here for a tour and she needs to get the class their passes. So Mari leaves her friends to get acquainted and goes up to the receptionist, to whom she apologizes for her actions again, and the receptionist replies with a laugh and a “honey, you just made my week, there's no need to apologize I should be thanking you” (she does thank Mari). Mari gets a special pass bc she’s the contest winner to which Lila and Alya (then the rest of the class for the most part) proceed to throw a hissy fit over. The receptionist is so over them though and doesn’t even blink.

Then their tour guide shows up. (its Dick and his assistant Damian). Damian proceeds to scold the class for a solid ten mins (which coincidentally leads up to their scheduled time to start the tour). Dick slides off to talk to the receptionist and his brother who isn't working and is talking to real people for once. Just for that they are his favorite out of the class. Tim unfortunately has to go to work so they talk to Dick to get acquainted until the tour has to officially start.

Los tres amigos are the only ones who pay attention to Dick at all (he leads the tour bc he’s been there the longest but Damian throws in a comment here or there mostly related to shenanigans his family has gotten into but overall useful facts. for example these windows are reinforced because our CEO (Tim) leaned up against one, fell asleep and fell through the window to the office below.)

The rest of the class is focused on Lila who is talking a whole bunch of nonsense about the Wayne family and how she has helped them with their business. Some things actually sound kinda legit, but Mari and Co. know that it is BS. Dick tries to bet bustier involved but she makes an excuse for Lila and goes on her phone and doesn’t really pay attention.

Eventually the class tour turns into Dick talking to Mari, Chloe and Kagami while the class vaguely follows them. Damian doesn’t really say anything because he generally doesn’t do well talking to strangers and these girls seem ok and he is still insecure (not that he would ever admit it to anyone ) about social interaction now that he has figured out how people who weren’t raised as assassins act. That is until Dick starts talking about shenanigans that his brothers get into, and Damian jumps in correcting him because I did not try to tackle Todd, Grayson I did tackle Todd quite successful and also Alfred won’t let you into the kitchen anymore because you almost burned down the east wing of the manor not because he is territorial over the kitchen. And Mari hadn’t really paid attention to Damian until now but OH MY KAWAMI he is hot, and how did she talk so long to notice that.

She ends up taking a pic of Damian without him noticing (he really doesn’t notice which is a feat in itself but Dick does and he will be teasing Damian about it later bc obviously) and she texts it to Luka bc if she is going to freak out over his hotness she wants Luka to do so too. ( he sees the pic in the middle of recording and he ends up needing a water break bc gay panic and he really is extremely handsome. Recording gets delayed even longer bc jagged cannot pass up the opportunity to tease him son and he does so mercilessly and Mari totally knew what she was doing when she sent that picture) Luka ends up demanding that she gets Damians number or he will because that man is fine.

Mari now knows that the stuttering idolization that she had with Adrien wasn’t really healthy and Luka likes to remind her all the time that she can be smooth when she wants to be (sometimes unintentionally but she practices on Luka because she loves to see him blush). Mari then makes it her mission to compliment Damian as much as possible so that it is crystal clear and very obvious that she is flirting with him. If he even shows a little discomfort in a negative I don’t like this kind of way she will stop because she will not make someone go through what she went through with Chat Noir and unwanted advances.

Chloe, Kagami and Dick immediately notice that she is flirting with Damian. Chloe takes a video for Luka bc she knows that he would want to see this and Dick takes a video for the Batfam gc.

Just to be clear Mari and Luka have talked about seeing other people and maybe adding a third person to their relationship as long as they talk about it. that line of communication was opened when Mari sent a pic of Damian to Luka and when Luka asked for his number that was his “go ahead” for her to flirt with Damian. Lila doesn’t understand how that works and neither do the rest of the class so that is a point of contention between the class and Mari. She would NEVER cheat on Luka, she loves him and he is the most important person to her in the world. Something that Juleka understands (she just doesn’t like Mari bc of Lila she knows how polyamory works this is why her and Luka aren't as close as they used to be)

Moving on... the batfam gc blows up for a second time that day and so when the class goes to the cafeteria Tim just has to see this for himself. Mari tries not to be obnoxious in her flirting so she compliments Damians intelligence by asking him questions that weren't included in the tour, and she asks him about his interests and is like that must have taken a lot of time to perfect you must be very dedicated. Damian isn’t used to genuine compliments especially from strangers so he is very flustered by it but he makes no indication for her to stop.

The day winds down and the class has some free time before they have to go to dinner but the do have to leave the tower. Mari does actually get Damians number (he thinks she must be very well trained to get his number that quick bc he refuses to accept that he gave it to her because he likes her) Mari promises to ft him later bc he promised to let her meet his dog and she doesn’t want to wait until the class has dinner at the manor to see Titus.

First Here Next

Taglist

@dood-space

@toodaloo-kangaroo

Also I’m not very sure about how to go back and edit posts to link new parts so if anyone knows how to do that please comment or message me because I would love to learn!

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erin-bo-berin · 4 years

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Growing Family

MASTERLIST

Woo I’m finally back to writing some! It feels like it’s been a lot longer than it actually has since I’ve posted a new fic. I hate to disappoint, but this is just fluffy daddy Spencer today, but I am working on a few new smuts that should be coming up next so stay tuned for those! Also shout out to @velventeenaries for coming up with some of the lines Rossi said when we were having a convo on this situation. Thus, the inspiration for this fic was born. Happy reading!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: G (fluff)

Word Count: 2,557

“Penny G at your service, how may I help you?”

You smiled at the familiar female voice that came through the speakers of your car.

“Hey Penelope,” you said.

“Y/N! My favorite non-BAU chica! What can I do for you, today?”

You chuckled knowing good and well the chipper, eccentric and kind hearted blonde was most likely swinging in her chair, twirling a feathery pen in her hands as you spoke.

“I was just curious if the rest of the team was back yet? If so, I wanted to swing by before heading home. I just got out of my doctor’s appointment.”

“Please tell me you have ultrasound pics!” Penelope’s voice grew in excitement.

“That I do,” you grinned.

“Okay, good. Yes, they’re here and you better be here in 5 minutes or less or I will hunt you down for those pictures. PG out.”

You shook your head, exasperated by the usual antics of Penelope Garcia. She was basically the fairy godmother tech analyst of the Behavioral Analysis Unit—the department of the FBI where your husband Spencer worked.

Just recently in the last few months, you and Spencer had found out you were pregnant. Being that it was yours and his first baby, the excitement was unreal but it wasn’t just limited to the two of you. The rest of the BAU were just as excited too.

Garcia was maybe on another level of excitement though. She was already planning on things to buy for the newest BAU baby. It had been almost four years since a new little bundle of joy had arrived within the extended BAU family. Rose Mary Simmons, the fifth and final child of team member Matt Simmons and his wife Kristy, was no longer a baby. She was speeding towards four and would be starting kindergarten in only a year and a half.

“You know I love all my godsons and goddaughters,” Penelope had told you, not long after you and Spencer had announced your happy event, “But I need more baby love in my life and thank God you’re having a baby. I will happily babysit any time you want.”

“Oh, Garcia,” you snickered to yourself, thinking back on the memory as you maneuvered your car through the busy D.C. traffic.

As you’d told Garcia, you’d just gone to your latest doctor’s appointment. You were about 15 weeks along and already showing more than you expected to, which peaked your curiosity. If you were to guess, you could easily pass for 5 almost 6 months pregnant, not barely 4.

You had planned to ask the doctor at today’s appointment if she was sure it wasn’t twins. You had a strong feeling it was. Being only 15 weeks though, you’d only had one prior ultrasound around 7 weeks—not long after you’d discovered your pregnancy and even then, the ultrasound had revealed only one heartbeat. Typically, an expectant mother didn’t have another ultrasound until around 20 weeks, obviously to determine the sex, but your doctor thought it best to check. If anything, it was possible that you were just carrying further forward than usual. According to Spencer—and the many times he’d told you this—it was extremely possible it was just the way your body carried pregnancy. You knew well enough that bump sizes varied greatly.

You’d hoped Spencer could join you for today’s appointment—one that had been scheduled last month—but unfortunately, he’d been away on a case with the team and was on the way home.

You told him you could easily reschedule, but he heard nothing of it.

“You’re going today. Just to make sure little one is okay. You can show me the pictures when we’re back,” he’d said to you, earlier that morning, over the phone.

You’d reluctantly agreed.

But now, you couldn’t help but smile at the little secret you had.

•

“There she is!” Garcia squealed, running towards you practically the moment you stepped foot out of the elevator.

“Hey, Penelope,” you smiled, embracing your friend.

“How are we feeling?” she grinned, pulling away to rub your bump, “Is it twins like you thought?”

You chuckled, knowing Garcia wasted no time in getting to the point.

“Well, about that…” you took her arm, walking with her into the doors of the BAU.

You’d filled Garcia in on the way towards the briefing room where most of the team had settled for the time being, just trying to relax after the trip home. If her huge smile was any indicator, Spencer would know before you could even get the words out.

“Whoa! If it isn’t baby mama Reid,” Luke grinned, coming to give you a brotherly side hug, “Wow, you’re enormous.”

Garcia’s eyes widened, swinging an arm out to hit Luke’s chest—hard.

“Ow! Uh enormously beautiful I mean. You’re glowing,” he tried to cover.

“Nice save,” you laughed, heading over to your husband, who was anxiously awaiting to wrap his arms around you.

“You idiot,” you heard Penelope mumble to Luke, “You never tell a pregnant woman how big they are.”

You bit back a laugh and melted into Spencer’s embrace. He’d been gone for almost a week and you’d missed him, a lot.

“Hi, baby,” he grinned, picking you up as he hugged you.

You bent your legs slightly as you were lifted a few inches off the ground and hugged his neck, tightly.

“Soon you won’t be able to do this,” you laughed, then waved to the rest of the team in the room, “Hi guys.”

You patted Spencer’s shoulder lightly.

“Spence, set me down long enough so I can say hi to everyone and not be rude,” you laughed.

He obliged with a grin, giving a quick pat to your bump and you went to hug Tara, JJ and Matt.

“What’d you find out?” JJ asked, “Spence mentioned you had a doctor’s appointment today.”

“Well…” you trailed off, nervously.

“Is the baby okay?!” Spencer asked, his face morphing into panicked concern, his brows furrowed.

“Everything’s fine,” you reassured quickly, “But it’s not just a baby,” you said hesitantly.

His eyebrows rose, looking shocked.

“It’s twins?”

“Not exactly,” you laughed hesitantly, “We’re having triplets.”

Spencer looked as shocked as you felt when the technician had told you the same news. To know you weren’t growing one baby but three.

He stood for a second, blinking at you in surprise. You were about to say something when you suddenly realized how pale he was. He swayed on his feet before falling backwards.

“Spence!”

“Spencer!”

“Reid!”

Everyone shouted at once, your shriek of his name probably the loudest. They all moved into action at once as you stood horrified, afraid something was terribly wrong.

Luckily, Matt had been quick enough to catch Spencer before he hit the ground. With he and Luke on either side, they managed to sit him in one of the chairs, his head lolling back.

“Is he okay? What’s wrong?” you asked, quickly at his side, not knowing exactly what to do.

“He’s fine, he just passed out, that’s all,” Tara reassured you.

You nodded in relief, taking a seat in a chair next to him, taking his hand.

There was a commotion at the door and you looked over, seeing David Rossi running in—unit chief Emily Prentiss on his heels.

“What’s all the noise about?” Rossi asked, eyeing Spencer, “What happened?”

“Spencer fainted and Y/N’s having triplets!” Garcia exclaimed.

Rossi’s eyes flickered to Spencer once again.

“Nah, kid’s just sleeping. Making up for the next 18 years of it he’s gonna lose.”

“Dave,” Emily sighed, exasperated, coming over to bend down and hug you.

“Congrats,” she grinned, “Not only are you having triplets, but you’re the only person that’s made Spencer faint.”

You laughed a bit.

“Definitely wasn’t my intention.”

“He’ll be fine,” Rossi waved a hand.

Just as he said that, a groaning came from your right and you looked over, to see Spencer stirring.

“What did I tell you?” Rossi said, coming over to give his congratulations with a big smile.

“Bouna fortuna,” he grinned, giving you a kiss on each cheek.

“What happened?” Spencer groaned, his hand slipping from your grip to rub at his eyes.

“You just got the shock of your life, kid,” Rossi snickered.

“The last thing I remember is you saying triplets and everything went black,” Spencer said.

“Yeah, you fainted,” you tried to hold back your grin and failed.

“Are we really having triplets?” Spencer asked, eyes wide once again.

“I’m afraid we are,” you grinned.

His look of surprise quickly turned into one of excitement. He grabbed your face, kissing you hard, not caring about kissing you in front of the others. The rest of the team whistled, clapped and laughed, their joy just as huge as your own.

Rossi’s following remark made Spencer pull away from your lips and laugh. Your mouth curved upwards and joined him.

“Don’t forget! David is a great name for a boy!”

•

Everyone was gathered at your baby shower. You had been speechless when you first saw the amount of stacked diapers and wipes—along with at least 5 diaper cakes from different team members. You were sure that those would last maybe a week or two with three babies to change.

“Kid, come on! We’re a family! I’ll be grandpa Dave! We can get matching shirts that say Big Dave and Little Dave!”

You laughed, overhearing Rossi’s exclamations to Spencer, all the way from the food table.

Months had passed and your belly had grown exponentially. You could hardly believe that your body was capable of carrying three precious little babies.

Even though your belly was covered in stretch marks, your back hurt and your feet were swollen, you couldn’t be happier. You and Spencer would soon start a new chapter in your lives—a scary one, albeit exciting one too.

Only a few weeks after your reveal of the babies to Spencer and the BAU team, the two of you had discovered you were welcoming two girls and one boy. Ever since then, Rossi had been hounding you about naming the baby after him.

Unbeknownst to him, you and Spencer had already picked out names and were going to surprise Rossi after they were born. But due to his current banter with Spencer, you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold the secret for any longer.

“Rossi,” you grinned, very much waddling over to the two men, “You're incorrigible.”

“I know. It’s the Italian in me,” he replied, nonchalantly.

“Well, much to Spencer’s dismay I’m sure, you’ll be happy to know you’re getting your wish,” you said.

Rossi looked stunned for a moment. You were positive this was the only time in the years you’d known him that he’d ever been stunned speechless like this.

“We decided to name our son David Gabriel Reid,” Spencer beamed, “We didn’t want to cause any confusion on names, so we’re going to call him Gabriel, but he can still be your little Dave if you want.”

It finally looked like it had sunk in when Rossi pulled both you and Spencer into a big hug, smiling bigger than you’d ever thought possible.

“That’s perfectly fine by me,” he grinned, kissing the tops of yours and Spencer’s heads, “I’m gonna teach him to play ball and how to cook spaghetti carbonara.”

“Don’t forget, you’ll have two little girls to deal with too,” Spencer laughed.

“Oh don’t you worry. They’ll learn how to cook and drop kick anyone who even looks at them the wrong way,” Rossi smirked.

“That, I don’t doubt,” you snickered.

“Speaking of,” Tara asked, popping up in the conversation, “When are you going to tell us what you’re naming your three little geniuses?”

“Yeah, I wanna know too,” Luke piped in, also walking up to the now small gathering.

JJ, Matt, Emily and Penelope followed behind him.

“Well if you didn’t catch it before, Baby A—the boy—is going to be David Gabriel,” Spencer beamed, “After the best father figure, mentor, co-worker, friend and member of this crazy BAU family. I couldn’t think of a better name to give my son.”

There were cheers all around as everyone lifted their glasses of champagne—apple juice for you—and clinked them together in celebration. You couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across your face to see how happy it made the well known, lovable, David Rossi.

“What about the girls’ names though?” Emily asked once the noise had settled down.

“Well there’s a bit of a backstory to that before we tell you the names,” Spencer began.

“We chose Gabriel’s name together because we already knew we wanted to actually make part of his name after Rossi, but we each picked a name, separately. One for each girl. Spencer decided on a name for baby B and I, baby C.”

“It’s also kinda funny what we both came up with,” Spencer interjected.

“Before the babies are born, kid!” Rossi said, “What are the names?”

“Baby B is Abrielle Jade—a name Y/N said she wanted to name a little girl on our very first date.”

Luke whistled.

“I’d be surprised that you remembered that but then again, you’re you.”

“Believe me, I’d forgotten I’d told him that, myself,” you chuckled.”

“And the other little girl is?” JJ prompted.

“Spensa Rae,” you said, looking at Spencer, a twinkle in your eye, “I wanted to name her after her daddy in some way, but it’s unique enough to be her own name as well. Rae is after my grandmother, too.”

“Those are the cutest names!” Garcia squealed, “Perfect timing time to give you my present for little Gabriel, Abrielle and Spensa then.”

She hobbled off in a partial run—not able to move too fast because of the grass in the backyard and her high heels—and grabbed three gift bags. She came back, handing them to you.

“Open it, open it!” she beamed.

You laughed at her excitement, pretty excited yourself. You handed one bag to Spencer as you reached into one bag, then the second, pulling out two matching onesies.

You looked over to see Spencer pulling out a third matching onesie from the gift bag you’d given him.

“Read the front,” Penelope beamed.

Opening one, you saw it read Rossi’s Sous Chef #2.

You laughed, opening the other which had the exact same thing printed on the front, but instead of the number 2, there was a number 3.

You peered at the one in Spencer’s hands, finding number one.

“Penelope, these are great!” you laughed, showing Rossi the outfits.

“These babies are going to be so loved,” Spencer smiled demurely, his eyes shining bright with tears.

“They will have plenty of people to love them,” Tara said with a bright smile.

“Lots of arms to hold them and cuddle them,” Luke added.

“Hands to help change diapers,” JJ piped in.

“Lots of kisses and bedtime stories,” Rossi said.

“Plenty of kids to play with them,” Matt chuckled.

“And a godmother to spoil them!” Garcia beamed.

“It’s not just your little family growing,” Emily smiled, coming to stand in between you and Spencer, wrapping an arm around each of you.

She looked around at the team that filled the backyard on this wonderful, summer evening, all gathered to celebrate the miracle of life.

“It’s our BAU family growing, too.”

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ichika27 · 3 years

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Mairimashita! Irumakun s2 ep11

Alright... this is late again lol. There’s more than 15 images gonna be on here, I think. Like 2 or 3 more which usually causes errors if I try uploading that much but the twewy finale post miraculously handled more than 20 so maybe it’ll be fine.

This episode has 2 parts!

The exams are finally over and everyone is worried about their grades. Kalego-sensei very disappointedly tells them that... they all passed! He was hoping they won’t lol.

Some of the students ranked up because of their exam results and Iruma got praised for being the one to have improved a lot. While everyone is celebrating, Azz tells Iruma this all happened thanks to him. Iruma is confused as to how and Asmodeus tells him that the others saw how hard Iruma was working on studying that they got inspired to work hard to. Iruma is amazed by this information.

(While I do appreciate Azz being a one-man cheer squad for Iruma, I do hope he doesn’t inflate the guy’s ego too much cause it feels like it’s actually slowly happening and it scares me cause in other stories, such a thing would be a red flag signaling something bad happening. That’s just me though.)

Iruma runs off to look for Baram-sensei so he could tell him about the exam results and the stuff Azz said. He bumps into the guy on the way and sees that Sensei is now sporting a new haircut. (I think he looks better this way. More teacher-looking.)

Sensei is happy to know Iruma’s hard work paid off and spins the boy around happily. Iruma thanks him for all his help but Sensei said Iruma did his best and it’s why the results were good.

He gives Iruma a congratulatory present which made Iruma panic a little as he recognized the plant as a salamander flower. This made Sensei happy as this meant Iruma’s studies were successful and that the boy could recognize these stuff now. All of these knowledge would help Iruma survive living in the Demon World which is what Sensei wanted. He then mentions the flower he’s holding is made safe.

They talk a bit and Iruma tells him about Azz’s observation. Sensei then tells Iruma about why he changed his hairstyle. He says it’s to make himself look less scary so he could try and get along with other people. Iruma asked if it was because of him that he wanted to change (like Azz said earlier about how he affects people) and Sensei answered that it’s not exactly the case. It was thanks to Iruma that he wanted to change because Iruma’s words had a good impact on him especially cause he knew Iruma was sincere and not lying.

On the way back, Baram-sensei passed by Kalego-sensei who immediately notices the hairstyle change. Kalego-sensei laughs a bit and says he’s glad that Baram-sensei’s new hairstyle made him look more regal as it fits their ranking. It is now revealed that only the two of them in the school have the khet rank which is the 8th highest.

It’s also revealed what Baram-sensei’s ability is: Buzzer. He can tell when people are lying and could detect when someone is cheating which is why it’s impossible for students to cheat on the exams. He has the entire school covered, too and will immediately have any cheater caught.

Iruma and friends had their mini celebration for passing the tests by the way! Iruma asked where their Senpai is and Asmodeus informs him that the guy got caught cheating and is now taking remedials.

On the 2nd part of the episode, Ameri is waiting for Iruma so she could hold a mini celebration of her own as Iruma passed the tests but Clara shows up instead to tell her the bad news: Iruma had been dragged by the others to their own happy get-together at a karaoke... er, screaming room.

We then see the boys having fun and one is singing season 1′s OP!

Ameri reads Iruma’s text apologizing about not being able to come. She’s disappointed but she understands although she’s confused as to why Clara had to show up to tell her about it when Iruma could just text her like he had actually done. Clara then drags her, alongside the tea and snacks she prepared for Iruma, and brought her to the other girls.

Awkward.

They decide to do an introduction to start things off. Elizabetta also decided to finally talk to the popular Student Council President and ask a question she had been wondering: what shampoo does Ameri use? This started their little convo about shampoo and conditioner.

After Kerori tells what she uses, she remembers the commercial she did for said products (lol she’s sponsored) and is embarrassed. Ameri sees this and is confused as to why Kerori looks like she’s panicking.

Clara reveals that hers is soap. She uses just soap on her hair and body and everyone is surprised and kinda horrified by this information. They offer to give her some extra shampoo they have so she could try them out next time.

Meanwhile, back to the boys! It’s Iruma’s turn to sing and he can’t just say no. He worries as he doesn’t know any song... except one.

He then chose to sing the Kuromu song he sang with the idol last season - complete with dance! Everyone cheered on and sang along as well! No one suspected anything and just thought that Iruma is probably just a big Kuromu fan.

Back to the girls... it's time for the inevitable: talks about romance!

Elizabetta asks who they all like and Clara didn't miss a beat and answers "Iruma-chi". Ameri is shocked and also worried since she now realizes she has a rival who is closer to Iruma than she is (and one who is more feminine than her to boot!).

When it’s Kerori’s turn to answer, she suddenly remembered Iruma in his evil cycle (being the cool edgy boy that he is). Ameri is internally pissed and is wondering how many other girls might be into Iruma.

She is then reminded of a scene from the manga Iruma reads to her and realizes she can now relate to the female rival lol.

Hang in there, President! You’re better than this haha.

Everyone then continues with the love talk and assumes Ameri probably has some romantic experience with her being popular and all and asked for advice. Ameri, not actually having any and not exactly knowing what to say just answered the only things she know: stuff she’s read from a shoujo manga.

Kerori on the other hand is confused. Is it that hard to get a guy’s attention? In her experience as an idol, even just smiling at a guy would get them to like you. after all.

Clara later mentions how she likes Iruma... and everyone. Ameri then had to ask for clarification and explains the “like” they've all been talking about all this time is romantic in nature. To explain, it’s like wanting to marry Iruma.

Clara’s imagination quickly went to work and she thinks of her wedding with Iruma. Here’s a cute picture of Clara realizing her feelings lol.

Kerori and Elizabetta starts arguing about the whole marriage thing. Kerori thinks they’re too young to even think of marriage (yeah, like, aren’t they all 14-15?) and Elizabetta thinks that it doesn’t matter cause love is love. Ameri gives her own perspective and says proposal and being engaged first would be good (and she thinks of Iruma). In the middle of their argument, they wonder why they all suddenly got aggressive about this. It is revealed (to the audience only) that it’s the effect of the relaxing tea. They’ve become too relaxed that they were able to say what’s on their minds easily.

They finally calmed down later that afternoon and realized they actually had fun and got along. Ameri then tells them that if she’s not on student council duty, they may call her by her name which made the others happy. The girls exchanged phone numbers afterwards.

This episode is pretty peaceful. I like all the little things that happened and the conversations that let us learn a bit about many characters. The boys having fun at the karaoke was nice to watch and the girls becoming friends is so cute!

So, I usually don’t really mention the “Interval” chibi segments of the show but the one for today’s episode gave a bit of behind the scene at something. Eiko, the girl who has a crush on Iruma (and Ameri) wanted to help Iruma study so she did what she could: she herself studied and made easy to understand reviewers. She had Asmodeus pass them onto Iruma (in a past interval segment, the two became friends due to their shared love of Iruma).

Come exam results, Eiko got really high marks from all the studying she did for Iruma’s sake. :)

Nothing too intense happened this time around so this is pretty short. If I had known I wouldn’t get errors, I would’ve gotten a few more screenshots. I wonder what the next arc is gonna be like though?

Well, thanks for reading!

#welcome to demon school iruma-kun #Mairimashita! Iruma-kun #anime #sana_post

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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

Text

Smoke&Mirrors - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Let’s start from the beginning:

Imagine Dragons - Smoke and Mirrors

Okay, so with Stuck in reverse series everything started with one song that inspired me to write something, and you know what happened later.

With this new series, the idea came first (prompted by @vaneilla’s wonderful brain, and you know what? I actually went back to check that bit of convo, and it was all because @gallifreyan-uprising did what she did to TP, so I guess thank you both, ladies!), and then I was looking for THE song, that could serve as an inspiration and as a title.

And because all my best ideas come to me while driving, and I had Imagine Dragons in my car’s CD player… BOOM.

//I'm starting to cave

I'm losing my flame

I wanted your truth

But I wanted the pain

To disappear

Dream maker, life taker

Open up my mind

All I believe

Is it a dream

That comes crashing down on me?

All that I hope

Is it just smoke and mirrors?

I want to believe

But all that I know

Is it just smoke and mirrors?//

This just felt so fitting for Reader and her struggle a little later in the series, and smoke and mirrors alone seemed like just what I needed to capture the essence of the main conflict between Neil and R.

Chapter 1: Imagine Dragons - Natural

I had the title, I knew what I wanted to do in the first chapter, but I still had doubts if I could switch to this new dynamic. -Neil being mean? I mean how even-- I needed a good playlist to get myself in the right mood to set the tone for the whole series, and even when I found a few songs that were good enough, I knew that none of them was the one. And then again, on my way to work, this time from my Spotify playlist - Natural. I literally started screaming when I realized that it was exactly what I’d been looking for. Not only because of its badass vibe, but those lyrics, holy shit -

//That's the price you pay

Leave behind your heart and cast away

Just another product of today

Rather be the hunter than the prey

And you're standing on the edge face up

'Cause you're a natural

A beating heart of stone

You gotta be so cold

To make it in this world

Yeah, you're a natural

Living your life cutthroat

You gotta be so cold

Yeah, you're a natural//

This is R. “A beating heart of stone / You gotta be so cold / To make it in this world”. Because she might be all spiky and angry on the outside, but why is she that way? Because she has to. Because nothing ever came easy in her life.

And this is Neil, too. A true natural, as TP calls him. But he also plays a role, because he was put in a position he didn’t want. And not only by TP, but also by R. That scene in the bar? He really hopes to clear the air between them, but she is not ready to listen, and keeps antagonizing him. *sigh* We know how it ends up. Anyway -

bonus: Willyecho - Welcome to the fire

Found this one when I was looking for the vibe, and then those lyrics--:

//I'm focused

I've been watching for the omens

I've been listening to everything you've said

Its been running through my head

Locked and loaded

I've got the feeling that you've noticed

Yeah I've only just begun

I won't stop until it's done

'Til you're broken

So welcome to the fire

I'm the one who lit the night up//

-- because yes, R’s that mad at him, TP, the whole world at this point, really.

Chapter 2: Florence + the Machine - What kind of man

So you know, one of the challenges I’d set for myself for this series was to finally write a proper smut. God, was I stressed out (shoutout to my lovely friends who had to listen to my self-doubting whines for quite some time). And as I knew it was supposed to happen in this chapter, and I already had an appropriate build-up in mind, I needed a song. And it wasn’t this one, although it made its way to the chapter’s playlist. But as I actually wrote the whole thing down… I felt it had that vibe.

//You were on the other side, like always

You could never make you mine//

Oh R, my sweet summer child.

//To let me dangle at a cruel angle

Oh, my feet don't touch the floor

Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out

But you never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?//

And that part is just so fitting with the whole confusion.

bonus: Graffiti Ghosts - Last man standing

The one behind the shooting range sequence:

//Your trigger finger better think about your future

You’re getting twisted thinking I don’t want to shoot ya

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m coming back to get what’s mine

Sick of living with your little double faces

I’m getting itchy and so livid I can taste it

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m swinging til I get what’s mine

but I’m not going down

I’m not going down//

Can’t say that R isn’t fantasizing about shooting Neil at some point, it’s all I’m saying. And the vibe was all right, and worked for the sparring scene as well.

bonus: Zayde Wolf - New Blood

I needed decent background music to write that sparring scene, you know - to hype myself up. And then found this song. Look at the lyrics:

//I spent my whole life chained to the wall

Hunger for more, not afraid to fall

Had to cut a man down to get where I am

But someone had to tumble, and someone had to stand

Don't try to fight, nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you

It's too late to try, there's nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you//

and

//Most of my life was heavy and hard, yeah

So many days, so many scars

But it was all of those years who make who I am, yeah

But I broke through, and here I stand, yeah//

Added to the playlist instantly. You can see it too, right?

bonus: Nothing But Thieves - Itch

I love this band and I’m eternally grateful that my dear friend @connie-nikas itroduced me to their music. Spotify suggested that it fit the mood for the playlist I already had for that part, so I checked the lyrics and YES:

//There's a hunger in my heart

It's full of promise, promise

There's an itch under my skin

It's under my skin, under my skin//

...

//There's a blood red on my shirt

And it's shining, shining

There's a sharp pain from my face

I kinda like it, I like it//

...

//I just wanna love

I just wanna touch

I just wanna see

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

Wanna feel something//

It fits more than one moment in the series, but that blood part seemed accurate for sparring, so it stayed in this chapter.

bonus: Dorothy - Wicked ones

Another Spotify suggestion, and it works pretty well for these dumbasses, although this part:

//This night ain't for the faint of heart

For the faint of heart, for the faint of heart

This night ain't for the faint of heart

'Cause the faint of heart gonna fall apart//

--this got me going while I was having heart palpitations as I was getting closer to the locker scene lol.

And then:

//Ain't no sleep when the wicked play

All we do is get laid, uuh uh uuh uuh

Ain't no love when the wicked run

All we do is try to lay off, lay off, lay off

We're the wicked ones, wicked ones//

Fits, right?

bonus: Muse - Undisclosed desires

I -blame- have to thank M for this one, and it was my initial title song for this part. Just see for yourselves:

//I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

Soothing, I'll make you feel pure

Trust me, you can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

Please me, show me how it's done

Tease me, you are the one//

It just -- it’s not only about that one scene. Maybe it would be even better for part 3? Anyway, could be sung to R almost word for word, right?

Chapter 3: Nothing But Thieves - You know me too well

One of my favourites from this band, and I knew it had to be a title of some part of the story. Because:

//I gave you a call

Baby, I could come by, help forget it all

'Cause in this sticky weather, oh, it's really hard to sleep

As you know all too well

And when we dig together, oh, you make me feel so cheap

But I can't help myself

Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you

Oh, just to see what you do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you

Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well//

So yeah, filthy impetuous soul was only fair to use for that bathroom, right?

//And maybe you're right

We don't get on so well, when we lose the high//

That’s them at this point, all right.

//'Cause every love story always end in tragedy

If you wait long enough//

Oh hello, R’s beliefs here, clear as night.

//Renew me 'cause sometimes I forget

Got my own two hands clenched around my neck//

Could be said by both of them at this point, tbh.

bonus: Leann Rimes - Can’t fight the moonlight

So let me be frank - I knew I wanted to put that bathroom scene somewhere for quite some time, so it’s written purely for self-indulgence. I just needed to find an opportunity. And during one of the brainstorming sessions with A (because she was so kind to help me out with figuring things out when I stumbled over certain plot points, and I can’t thank her enough), the idea of karaoke night came to life and she gave me this song and fuck yes! That was it!

One of my favourite Neil headcanons is that he likes cheesy songs, and Coyote Ugly movie has a special place in my heart, so I just knew it was the one for him! Especially because:

//Under the lovers sky

Gonna be with you

And no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall

Well just wait until

'Til the sun goes down//

it’s just perfect if you wanna kinda seduce/kinda embarrass someone, right? And also:

//You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know, don't you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart//

Because yes, he wanted to kiss her in that locker room, that’s a thing you do when you’re attracted to someone, right? He thought it was just because of this whole angry sex thing, but was aware of that all the time, that’s why R’s reaction in the bathroom alarms him. I mean it would make him stop anyway, but still.

bonus: Ruelle - Until we go down

The mood progression in this song fried my brain, absolutely amazing!

The lyrics, too:

//And I feel it running through my veins

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Erased, I missed till the break of day

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Until we go down//

bonus: Bishop Briggs - Wild horses

Another song that captures the spirit of what’s going on in R’s head.

//You hold me down in the best way

No quarter from these chains that I've

Slept on my heart for a feeling

Why can't I let my demons out?

Keep screaming into the pillow

Cause your taste still gets me stupid high

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh glory, I'm a troubler//

At this point, she’s well aware of the effect Neil has on her, and the internal conflict is strong in this one.

//You call my truth in the worst way

Through the dirty lands of a broken smile

And I swear I'm not a pretender

Sometimes it's love who's the baby's cry

So, I keep on damning the devil

And you keep on saying it's alright

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh Lord, I'm holding tight, but//

And the whole vibe of this song, it’s like fuck I’m losing my mind, but I want you and I want you now. Just makes my breath hitch.

bonus: Transviolet - Bloodstream

And as I needed a certain mood, -(ended up actually writing with TENDER in the background because apparently I need a complete opposite mood seeping through my headphones to write any smut at all but anyway...)-, and this song is just...wow.

//Fingertips drip down my spine

Cruel desire, danger in our consequence

You look my way and I lose my…

Hey, you wanna rule the world?

Outlaw love, make you lose control

Hey, hey, boy you got me like whoa

White hot, adrenaline baby

In my veins, you got me praying

Whoa, whoa, whoaaaa

My pretty blue lips begging

Take me, I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me

My breath is for holding, overdose me

I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me, break me//

Hot. I won’t be taking any notes.

Chapter 4: Aimee Mann - Save me

You remember that part 4 was supposed to be the last one? Don’t ask me, I don’t know how I would manage to get that emotional progression from these dumbasses by the end of that part, so I’m glad y’all voted on splitting it into 2 (and then another 2) parts. But I already had a playlist for the finale, and then had to make a new one, and then had too many possible title songs.

Why did this one win? Because in my brain it’s directly connected to my OTP and also fits this part of the story. I battled myself if it was a spoiler or not (and also had trouble getting to terms with R ever admitting that she needs to be saved), but then thought - eh, what the hell, it has the right lyrics and a proper mood, and here it is.

//You look like a perfect fit

For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me

Come on and save me

If you could save me

From the ranks of the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone//

and that shift to this part, oh my heart:

//Except the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone

Except the freaks who could never love anyone.//

bonus: Jamie O'Neal - All by myself

Okay, so the car scene was in my mind for a little while, and in the initial outline, aka part 4 is the finale I couldn't find a place for it and thought I might end up making a one shot out of it, so when I actually had enough time to write it into the story, I was so excited!

I was looking for a song, and the first one that came to my mind was Air Supply - All out of love, but I could never beat what Jensen Ackles did in the outtakes of that one Supernatural episode, so I had to abandon that song, sadly. And then I thought about the one with basically the same vibe and *ding ding ding*. And of course Neil would know it. And would know what movie this is from (just look at him and try telling me he doesn’t like British rom-coms, I dare you). And would tease R about it. (and that’s why I used that cover of this song).

//Hard to be sure

Sometimes I feel so insecure

And loves so distant and obscure

Remains the cure

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself

Anymore//

bonus: Meg Myers - Motel

I’ve discovered Meg’s music just because of Spotify’s recommendations, and oh my god, it’s amazing! And this song just felt right for their talk during the stakeout, just look at the lyrics:

//You're weak, broken in a motel

You blink, tears are falling down, down, down

And you're free, free inside your own hell

You speak, someone let me out, out, out

And I can't stop this pain, it only grows

Tell me why I always feel alone

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

Show me what I'm really living for

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breath, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and we're doomed from the start

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breathe, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and I'm falling apart//

ahh, nothing like a good old angst, am I right? Perfect for writing about the more vulnerable sides of them.

bonus: Fear Of Men - Sane

There is just something in this song that resonates deeply, you know?

//I see you drowning

Half flesh half stone

With ambitions that drain your health

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

I know

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

You know, you know, you know

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again//

bonus: Laura Doggett - Beautiful undone

That track almost ended up as the title. When I stumbled upon this song, I was completely blown away, as in I-had-it-on-repeat-for-4h-straight blown away.

//I took you walking

Through the murmurations of my mind//

that line just strikes me right through the heart, and it gets even better later:

//I'm looking down and my heart's connected

I'm feeling love from a different view

We learn the most when we least expect it

We learn the most when we break in two//

I don’t think that any of them expects to learn more about each other during that one mission. I mean sure, Neil counts on it, but doesn’t know what it's gonna be. And if she lets him into his head at all.

//You know you're beautiful undone

(Shine on)

So beautiful undone

You look beautiful undone

(Hearts connected)

My boy of blue.//

My boy of blue. I don’t know why it screamed Neil to me, but it did.

//It's the cracks that let the light shine

It's the cracks that let the light shine through.//

And that’s exactly it.

Chapter 5: LAUREL - Blue blood

Okay, THIS song, as soon as I heard it, I was like - this is it, this is her.

//You woke me up for your blue blood

Made me come undone

Can't believe you've been here the whole time

Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe

You've been here the whole time

You made me feel again

Made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart

You made me feel again

After the last time, didn't think that I could love//

That “was he always so gorgeous” moment, right? When she just sees him for the first time this way. And is slowly coming to terms with her feelings.

bonus: Prep School - Come as you are

So this one… We all know the original song (or this is my old ass talking), but only when I heard this cover, I really felt it, you know?

//Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy//

Just made me think about R being ready to get to know Neil better. About the shift in their dynamic.

//When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun//

She lets her guard down, and is ready to trust him.

Also - how great is the mood of this song? That crescendo just takes my breath away, and that calmer moment at the end? Good god. Utter perfection.

bonus: Ray LaMontagne - Such a simple thing

I’ve been sitting on this song for quite some time, and just had to find a suitable moment for it. And this was it.

//Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain

Tell me that you mean it

That you won't leave again

Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing

My heart is like paper

Yours is like a flame

I can't make you see

If you don't by now

I'll get through these chains

Some how, some how

Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care

Can't you see how much you hurt me?

It's like I wasn't there//

My heart just aches while I listen to this song. It’s so tender, and yet so heartbreaking.

bonus: Keane - Hamburg sing

When A sent me this song, god, the way I screamed. Because this is so Neil.

//I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, I don't wanna be the only one you know

I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so

But you don't want to know

I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end

Or is it just a waste of time?

Trying to be your friend?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light

Shine a light on my life

And warm me up again//

At this point in the story, he already fell for her hard. And can just hope that she sees him at one point, too.

You know, writing that first really intimate moment between them-- I know I was supposed to be on R’s side, but I knew what was going on in Neil’s head at that point (that’s why I was so happy when Chels asked that one question that made me write Come as you are) and... I don’t know, I’m so soft for this idiot, I just want to hug him.

//Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

You know that it could be so simple//

My dumbasses.

Chapter 6: Phantogram - You’re mine

We’re gonna save this one for the very end, just mentioning it here as we move to the next chapter.

bonus: Adna - Night

You know that sad music montage thing that the movies do after a breakup scene or something? This song has that exact vibe.

//Silence grows and you're all i know

Eyes are closed, I'll see your smile, your love

Thinking

This is what

It could be

Knowing

It is all

It would be

In the night

When you see

What i see

In the night when you feel

What i mean

You're my knight

And my dream

And my only sight

Oh you

Stay true//

For me, it’s the beginning of chapter 6. R is almost heartbroken, and that almost comes from the part of her that still thinks that still fights the idea that she might have any feelings for that blonde idiot. Conceal, don't feel, or something. But she’s being haunted by random memories from their time together.

bonus: Snow Patrol - Make this go on forever

This song makes my heart ache and clench and oh my god--

//Please don't let this turn into something it's not

I can only give you everything I've got

I can't be as sorry as you think I should

But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight

Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right

This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long

Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong//

This works for the sad montage thing I’ve mentioned, but it was all about this line:

//First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything//

I was listening to it on my way home one day and my eyes welled up. Because that’s what I wanted both of them to feel right then.

//And I don't know where to look

My words just break and melt

Please just save me from this darkness//

and these lines just brought the image of Neil stumbling over his words and, well, that was it. I knew it had to be done like that.

bonus: Walking On Cars - Speeding Cars

This song is about something different, but there is one part that resonated with the story:

//Even the half smile would have slowed down the time

If I could call you half mine

Maybe this is the safest way to go//

Just fits. Had to be there.

bonus: Etham - Before I lose my mind - Stripped

I think I found this one a while ago, and then it came on when I had Spotify on shuffle, and oh myyyy goooood. That heart-wrenching yearning? So, so on point.

//Look at the state I'm in

I couldn’t say where I've been

Lord knows that it ain't felt like home//

This is as much R’s song, as it is Neil’s.

//I don't know what

I've been running from, running from

Or what I thought I would find

All I know is

You're the only one, only one

I need you tonight

Before I lose my mind//

and this part:

//Don't tell me that I’m too late this time

So much I couldn’t see

With words that I didn't speak

What do I have to do to make you mine?//

This part of the playlist is just utter heartbreak and yearning, but it was only fitting. Just moments before the confession.

bonus: Nick Wilson - Let me hold you

On repeat for the whole part with Neil’s confession. This song is so goddamn beautiful, I can’t--.

//We've been there before

Reaching the end but forgetting the reason we started this for

In all of our flaws

Laid out beneath us, there's no need to keep building up these walls

(Oh we can't go on)

Just let me hold you

I'll run my fingers through your hair

Let our ghost loose

Let me know that you're still there//

bonus: Liz Longley - Rescue my heart

This, on the other hand, started playing right after, and I partially blame it for R’s breakdown. I was just staring at that line about her being afraid to lose him and I was like “where the hell this came from, girl?” and then, as I was trying to push them both further into the plot, but they kinda refused to let each other go, so I was sitting there like “you guys really needed that, huh?”

I know what it sounds like. But when I spend so much time with my characters, really fleshing them out in every possible way, they kinda develop minds of their own, and later they guide me through the dialogue parts, and even sometimes ruin my initial plans. Because they know best how they would behave right then. So all I have to do is just follow them. Or try reasoning with them. (Had a moment like that at the end of the first scene in chapter 6, like had this feeling that R just wanted to dwell on the nature of her relationship with Ives, but I didn’t want to put it there so openly, I was happy with leaving a line here and there, so I had to put my foot down pff - and it switched into that bit about friendships in general)

Right, back to the song:

//Lying to myself I can make it on my own

Making it alone is lonely

Twisting and I'm turning

Oh I'm crashing and I'm burning

So reach out your hand to me

Come down

Rescue my heart I'll drown

Without you//

This is it.

bonus: Madonna - I want you

You know, one of my favourite parts of the writing process is just bumping the ideas around, and I have been blessed to have a wonderful friend such as M, who’s always there when I need to discuss different ideas or just got a bit of dialogue I really want to share. And knowing what I was writing, she sent me this song.

And I’ve been listening to it a lot ever since, and when Neil started his confession, and struggled with words, I wrote: "I want…you.” He moved closer. “The right way.”

I stopped, staring at that line, like really, Neil? This is it? Then the next song from the playlist started playing and:

//I want you the right way

I want you, but I want you to want me too//

So I just sighed and moved on, dropping a short message to M on the way.

bonus: Welshly Arms - Need you tonight

Spotify recommends the best covers, hands down. I love the original song, but this right here? It’s everything.

//How do you feel

I'm lonely

What do you think

Can't take it all

What ya gonna do

Gonna live my life

So slide over here

And give me a moment

Your moves are so raw

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleeping

There's something about you girl

That makes me sweat//

bonus: TENDER - Afternoon

Every song of theirs is just incredibly sensual, so I thought it was only fair to include one of those for the scene (thank you again A, their music is everything, I swear). And this one was particularly accurate:

//I'm spendin' all of my time tryna open up

Let it breathe, let it breathe

It all comes down

To whether you love me anymore

God, I hope you do

'Cause I can't tell, I can't tell

By the look in your eyes//

bonus: Layla - Weightless

Another one for that moment.

//A silver whisper, take flight and steal into my mouth

An urge to kiss you and let this secret pleasure out

Your touch so tender, a helpless roar of golden play

This youthful slender, hallucinate my woes away

We are weightless

We are invincible

Nothin' like this

Flyin' like cannonballs//

bonus: Rob Simonsen - Soft center

While I was discussing the main plot points with A, we knew there had to be a morning after scene, and she had just a song for it. Utter perfection.

end credits: Phantogram - You’re mine

I know I say it a lot, but when A sent it to me… The way I screamed. I couldn’t believe it. The story was already like 2 parts in, I think? And this song...every line was about them. Every. Goddamn. One. And the overall I just thought to myself “oh, end credits rolling right here.”

//You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

Eat your ego honey

Honey swallow your pride

You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

You ain't going anywhere

'Cause you mine//

And from this part it gets even better:

//I used to be a rifle

Yeah I had my distance,

Whistling like a bullet in the sky//

//I used to be a psycho

Yeah I had my demons,

Crawling like a spider up my spine//

*incoherent screaming*

And the next part took me right back to the very first scene.

//I spotted you the second I walked in the building

I knew that you had let me get you high//

Right? Right???

//I wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening

But that don't matter anyway...

'Cause you're mine//

And that’s it.

Damn, what a wild ride that was.

Thank you for staying with me until the very end.

#smoke & mirrors #smoke & mirrors playlist #bts smoke & mirrors

22 notes · View notes

iamdorka · 4 years

Photo

COLSON (x Reader)

Last updated: 2020/04/25

Imagines

I Couldn’t Be More In Love ‘Colson and the reader have been friends since high school. “Friends”. Maybe they were more than that but before they never really spoke about it… and everything was okay until Colson started to act quite strange because the reader started to spend more and more time with his co-worker Harry Styles. ‘ not requested (12/08) 100+ notes

PART II (12/10)

PART III (12/12)

When we were young ‘Heyy I dont know if you’re a fan of adele but there’s this song of hers called when we were young… There’s a lyric there that goes ‘you are just like a movie just like a song’… Could you do one where they are breaking up because of obvious reasons but they’re still in love but they cannot do that anymore. Just her being sorry for what’s happening and like she says something on these lines to him. Her being tired and last goodbye type something.’ requested by @lovemythsworld (11/24)

IMAGINE ’Basically, it’s involve Colson taking care of the reader during her period please? I just got mine today and I passed out on the floor because I got very dizzy and then I had to run to pharmacy to get more medicine and to the store as I had no food left and all while feeling really bad… ’ requested by @being-worthy (11/05) 200+ notes

IMAGINE ‘Make the reaction of Colson knowing that it will be dad!!’ requested 11/03) 100+ notes

IMAGINE – ’Hey girl can you do a imagine where colson is meeting your girlfriends for the first time and he is kinda nervous but they don’t know he is mgk until he walks in with y/n and they get all the tea in the “ladies room” and y/n thinks it’s funny they are so interested because to her colson is colson not mgk’ requested by @britshmgkstan (10/30) 100+ notes

IMAGINE- ’Can I request an imagine of Colson pleasuring himself. And y/n catches him. She watches in secret for a minute then sneaks in to pleasure colson. He is in shock and literally has no words. Really really really smutty pretty please!!! Love you!!!’ requested (10/20) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Can you do a GC where you and kels are together and you guys decide to play never have I ever and of course it turns sexual and it gets revealed you and kels are in the mile high club’ requested (10/13) 100+notes

Bad dreams - ’Could I ask for a ColsonxReader where there not together yet please? She’s sleeping at their place after a party, has a bad dream, one of those that make you wake up with a jolt, racing heart, it’s very hard to get back to sleep. She goes to the kitchen deciding to stay up but C sees her, asks what she’s doing up. He decides to carry her to his bedroom and just holds her close & tight telling her it was just a bad dream, he’ll protect her, & confesses to her? ’ requested by @being-worthy (10/08) 100+notes

IMAGINE - ‘Hey girl I want to request teaching Spanish to the crew.’ requested by @verywell-fandango (10/06) 100+ notes

Headcanons

IMAGINE „Could I please request a ‘Dating ______ would include:’ bullet point headcanon for Colson, Dom and Pete respectively? I love your writing; thank you 🖤” (04/11) 100+ notes

new puppies. “How about an imagine with Colson, where his girl adopts two pups (they’re still growing and both are half husky half wolf) because they’re brothers and inseparable and couldn’t let them on their own and because she misses Colson, so she has someone to snuggle with. Colson comes back home after a few months and finds two huge dogs on his side of the bed and they’re growling at him because they think he’s a threat and wont let him get close to her?” requested by @being-worthy ❤ (03/15)

The making of the new album (02/01) 100+ notes

Mad Being mad at him (01/21) 100+ notes

Fashion week… in Paris Going with Colson to Paris fashion week (01/16) 100+ notes

Fake texts

IMAGINE “Will you write another ColsonxReader quarantine story soon? I’m bored and don’t know what to do with myself… Stay healthy and stay indoors!!!’ requested by @being-worthy 💕 (04/05)

COLD ‘I feel like these lyrics “You want somebody that’ll keep you warm at night Then, tell me, why you actin’ cold to me?” Would be great for an imagine’ (01/19)

Rehab ‘Hi, can I request an imagine with Colson inspired by/based on Rehab lyrics. Thank you💜 Love your works💗’ requested by @kiss-yall (01/18)

IMAGINE ‘She said no to him so many times. But she had enough with herself and she decided to have some fun because she knows she deserves it.’ (01/11)

IMAGINE ‘Request for Colson & Y/N teasing texts cause he’s feeling excited late at night! Please & Thank you love your posts!’ requested by @xxkellsvixen19xx .(12/23) 100+ notes

why are you here ‘The one based on Colson’s new song 'WHY ARE YOU HERE’ (12/19)

IMAGINE - ‘Can I request some fluff and funny convo between reader & colson ??? Being in love 😍 making fun of each other idk not too corny’ requested (11/16)

IMAGINE ‘Kells and reader have some history together, but after he texts her one day she doesn’t want to talk to him because she knows the reason behind his texts… and she doesn’t want to get hurt again’ not requested but special thanks to @echelonwonderland for helping me out (11/15)

IMAGINE ‘When you have time can you write one where he is working on a new movie in another state and she sees this video and she is mad because he has cut his beautiful hair?’ requested by @bakerkells (11/14)

IMAGINE - ‘hiii pumpkin, can i request a text w/ colson about him finally asking y/n to be his girlfriend after talking/dating for months? thank you in advance 💜’ requested (11/12)

IMAGINE ‘Hellooo.. I have a scenario in mind. Could you do an text imagine, where the reader has Colson watch over her puppy while she’s gone? Let’s just say he has a hard time keeping him/her out of trouble. ❤’ requested (11/09)

PART II - the new family member ‘Hi can you do an imagine based on the instagram story Colson put up recently of “well we got a dog in the family now” (I have a screenshot of it if you need it!) And something like hes away on tour and you are looking after Cassie and you two decide to get a dog while Colson is away? Thank you so much in advance xxx’ requested by @sacvf (01/07)

IMAGINE - ‘Can you do a chat imagine where they met the night before at a party an kells asks her on a proper date’ & 'Could I have a MGK request where you’ve just met at a party and exchanged numbers. Later in the night he sees you talking to another guy who is flirting with you so MGK texts you to ask you out before he loses his shot?’ requested by an Anonymous and by @thesetemporaryfeelings (11/08)

IMAGINE ’You’re a new actress and Kells slides into your DMs after watching one of your movies and invites you to his next show?! Love your blog!!!’ requested (11/02)

IMAGINE ‘Hieeya it’s me here again..So today what I had in mind is something like this..Colson and reader are like the chillest kinda friends (the ones where everyone thinks they are dating but they are not.. Cliche I know but pleasee read on) And then reader starts hanging out with a bunch of different different guys.. And colson gets like jealous. (some points it out on their group chat and colson like gets mad and then they talk on dm’s…)’ requested @lovemythsworld (11/02)

IMAGINE ‘How about imagine where Y/N is a single mother of a kid (6 y/o idk). Colson and Cassie just met her baby. And Colson texted Y/N how excited he was to finally meet him/her for the first time. And Y/N is kind of confused because she didn’t expect someone to love her child this much. And she tells Colson that her kid is constantly asking about him, and wants him to come back. And Colson wants to see Y/N more often and also he adores her baby. Thanks💜’ requested (11/01)

IMAGINE ‘Ooooh what about reader x MGK where he spots you in the crowd at his show, gets your number and ends up texting/ sexting you that night???’ requested (10/22) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘can you pls make one where y/n love rock music and always get horny while listen no Marilyn Manson, and suddenly Colson tell her that we will be in his birthday party, and things get kinda hot there? tnx!’ requested (10/19)

IMAGINE ‘can we please have imagine where y/n is sick and grumpy and “doesn’t” want colson to come over and take care of her (but obviouslyyyy she does) thank you 😌’ requested (10/18)

IMAGINE ‘Can you maybe post a text where y/n sees what happened to Kells in his forehead and texts him worried?’ requested (10/18) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - I wanted to write an imagine based of some of my own bad experience with a boy (because writing this things down could help a lot even if it happened a long time ago and I don’t care about it or him anymore but it still an inspiration) then today I.D.G.A.F. by Dua Lipa started to playing on my phone today… AND IT MADE SO MUCH SENSE (it’s heavily inspired by that) hope you like this little thing too. 💜 (10/11)

IMAGINE - ‘Can you try one where colson loses his phone at a cafe he visits and then he texts his number from someone’s phone and the cute waitress who he flirted with before finds the phone and replies and they start getting to know each other and hit it off. You can totally ignore if you find it vague or stupid. I just had a thought.. ♥♥’ requested by @lovemythsworld (10/06) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘My idea is just MGK texting you trying to stop you from breaking up with him.’ requested by @thesetemporaryfeelings (10/05)

IMAGINE - ‘Yn is an actress and her new movie debuted. Colson is a friend (and totally into her) and he texts her how great she was in the movie. Their flirting is really intense and in the end she invites him over her house…(maybe for something juicy? 😏) requested (10/04) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Can we pleaseee have a text imagine where colson is the one upset and needing his girl? that man is my heart and soul and it breaks my heart to know how much he’s hurting’ requested (09/28) 200+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘I would love to request something if that’s okay! Could I request a Machine Gun Kelly text where he texts you late at night because he hates your boyfriend and thinks you deserve so much better???’ requested (09/26)

IMAGINE - ‘Can I request reader and colson being writing buddies for a new song on her girl group and them being low key flirting with each other?’ requested (09/22) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘hi angel 😍 would you be willing to do one where y/n had a really bad day and just wants to smoke with colson and forget everything? random i know but i’m such a pothead and i just wanna smoke w kells 😂🙈 don’t judge meeee’ requested (09/22)

IMAGINE- ’Can you do one where yn is pregnant. She’s at home due to morning sickness. Mgk is in the studio but checks on her like every second lol also she has weird cravings and after colson leaves the studio he has to bring her pickles and ice cream (or something). Thank you, sweetheart 😊’ requested (09/21)

IMAGINE - ‘Request for texts between Colson & Y/N after seeing an IG post if her from a photoshoot that gets him turned on! Please & thank you love your posts!’ requested by @xxkellsvixen19xx (09/19)

IMAGINE - ‘Haha can you do this: yn has a fave panty set. She wants to wear it, but just finds the bra, not the panty. She texts mgk (her bf) and she’s sad, that she can’t find it ☹ Turns out Colson took it with him on tour, to have a piece of his gf with him 😄❤’ requested by Anonymous (09/18)

IMAGINE - ‘can you do one where colson and the reader had an argument and are both too stubborn and have too much pride to actually fix it but keep messing with each other being sassy af and all that until one of them cracks (hope any of this made sense) hahaha’ requested by Anonymous (09/17) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Could you do one where reader just wants to be hold and loved with Colson please?’ requested by Anonymous (09/14)

IMAGINE - ‘Jealous kells text? Pleeeease?’ requested by Anonymous (09/13)

IMAGINE - ‘Can I request readers being upset about being far fron Colson and posting on her Instagram and kells texts her to make her feel better?’ requested by @verywell_fandango (09/11) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Can you do a imagine where you are on tour with colson and the boys and because he isn’t paying attention to you and your in the mood you send him a nude and rook or slim almost sees it and he punishes you because only he can see you like that’ - requested by Anonymous. (09/10) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - You terribly miss Colson and finding some of his photos with Casie… you start having a really bad baby fever… 😇 but what does he think about it? (09/07) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Could u write a friends with benefits with colson similar to the one you posted about the instagram story? that’s hot af btw’ (09/06) 100+ notes

PART II - - ‘Can you write a follow up to the fwb/hot date one. Maybe she’s having the date now. Even though the guy is hot, he’s so boring. So while he’s in the bathroom, she texts Colson to 'save her from the date’ (like with a phone call or text) so that she can leave the date. Of course she’ll go to colson then 😏 Thank you, you’re awesome! ’ (09/08) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Colson is desperate to convince you to go the new IT premiere but the thing is.. you are scared af 🎈🙈’ (09/05) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Could you do a text for colson where he meets your family and you are at dinner and he texts you from next to you saying how good you look in your dress and how turned on he is and you knew it that’s why you wore the dress so you tease him and sext him and as soon as you finished dinner he punishes you for it’ (09/03, requested by anonymus)

IMAGINE - ‘Colson and Y/N are best friends and they start sexting because she sent a picture to him that was supposed to be for someone else. Thanks love’ (09/03, requested by anonymus) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Colson and Y/N working together on a shoot (music video or movie) but have to keep their hands to themselves because professionalism.’ (09/01, requested by anonymus)

IMAGINE - Colson’s new Instagram post makes you miss him even more and it’s not the only thing it makes you feel (09/01) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - because of the bad weather you decide to stay at home but then your texting with Colson turns into something else (08/29)

IMAGINE - ‘Could I request reader x colson text where the reader keeps on flirting with him, dropping hints that she likes him and him being oblivious?’ (08/27, requested by anonymus)

IMAGINE - the one where you argue about Bucky Barnes (08/25)

IMAGINE - you two had some history before which was a mess really and you haven’t talked like months because you were really hurt but one day you text him out of nowhere (08/25)

IMAGINE - long time no seen friends just start texting… and flirting (08/25, requested by anonymus)

IMAGINE - Kind of a drunk texting with Colson. (08/24)

IMAGINE - You are kind of deadly exhausted because of your work and Colson is done with that shit. (08/24, requested by @thoughtsoftheantagonist)

IMAGINE - Colson helping you out with your outfit for your girl’s night out (08/23) 100+ notes

Fake Instagram

#quarantinetime (04/19)

IMAGINE ‘Could we please get some MGK quarantine smut or something, please? 💜’ (04/10)

blank space (03/29)

#stayingathome (03/18)

the dork. the real. the Baker. (02/22)

#attheBahamas ‘Hey hun i wanted to ask are you gonna make a fake instagtam or a imagine based on his vacation in the bahamas? With the reader?’ requested by @kellysimagines (02/19)

Drunk night (02/15)

Valentine’s day (02/14) 100+ notes

adventure time ‘So the Reader and Colson took a little time off and went on a vacation, just the two of them and when they returned they just could not hold themself back and posted some pictures from their trip because they wanted to show the world how happy they are and there is nothing wrong with that because they can do whatever they want to do’ 👫❤ (02/01) 100+ notes

IMAGINE ‘Poking fun at each other on IG stories’ (01/14) 100+ notes

ADORE YOU ’Adoring your boyfriend’s futures’ (01/12)

part II (01/23)

Love is… “…a series of IG posts based on the idea of ‘Love is… ’ (01/09) 100+ notes

#thanksgivingatthebakersXX ‘Hiii happy thanksgiving! I love your writing, could you write about thanksgiving with Kells and the fam ❤️ ’ (01/05) 100+ notes

why are you here (the aftermath) ’Just got this idea from why are you here, but can u do one where is someone’s bday (like Pete’s or Rook’s or smth) and there’s a party ofc, and y/n is in Colson’s friends group, so she’s in the party but they always had this hate/love relationship, and they kinda fucked randomly but nobody knows, but now she’s there with somebody else and so he is, and that’s when the lyrics of the song starts to make the story you can do it imagine, instagram or sms. wtv u prefer ly’ // The backstory is the request and all of the pics were posted after that party, so it is the aftermath. An online game which only those two are playing. The song in this universe is out, just to be clear. Hope you like it this way too 😘 (01/03) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Because there is no such a thing as enough IG love. #sorrynotsorry (12/29) 100+ notes

IMAGINE ‘Colson and Reader roasting each other in IG posts’ (12/26) 100+ notes

#christmasatthebakers 🎄🎄🎄 little Christmas present from me to YOU (12/24) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Some IG stories from the Reader with the perfect captions.’ not requested (12/07) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Reader spends lot of time with Kells in the studio… and she is making a journal of that time on IG 😍’ not requested (12/05) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Colson’s girlfriend is just not having it’ not requested (12/03) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Y/N and Colson showing their love for each other on Instagram because why not? 💋 not requested (12/01) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Y/N showing her love for C and his friends in her special way 🙅❤ not requested (11/23) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Just a little fake IG treat for You just because 🔥 not requested (11/14) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Y/N shows her love for Colson on IG in a very unique way 📸 just capturing the real love (10/20) 100+ notes

PART II (10/25)

IMAGINE (male reader) ‘Can please I request another Colson x male reader Instagram style imagine and/or fake text kind? Thank you.’ requested (10/09)

IMAGINE (male reader) - ‘Could i request a reader x colson where the reader is male? im gay and there’s exactly: 0 content.’ requested by anonymous (09/14)

IMAGINE - Colson praisin’ his girl in his Instagram posts & in her comments (08/26)

IMAGINE - you lowkey admitting to the world you are a couple with Colson. (08/24)

Fake social medias (mixed: IG, twitter, texts etc.)

IMAGINE ‘After that pic of Colson with baby Ash, i totally need some fooking fluffy stuff like he and y/n have a baby boy, and she out of town for some work related shit, and he’s taking care of their child, and being all goofy and cute about it’ requested by @rosesinmars (01/02)

IMAGINE - Can i request one where the reader has curly hair (like myself) and she doesn’t like it and kells really loves it// requested by @bakerkells (12/25)

IMAGINE - So basically Kells is getting way too much hate from the online trolls because of his extrem behavior like partying and being seen with different girls literally every night. And it’s not just a momentary thing, they are hating on him strong even some ‘fans’ do this too. And it’s starting to piss off his friends too, the unnecessary behaviour of his so called fans because they know him better than those people and even if they want to ignore it… they see literally everywhere those hating, shading comments, opinions which nobody asked for. So one day Y/N, Colson’s long time no seen friend from his inner circle has enough because she knows even if C doesn’t admit it… this behavior from his 'fans’ hurt him a little bit.” not requested (11/28)

PART II (11/29)

IMAGINE ‘Reader is a famous actress and friends with kells. Before she had her big break, she modeled. She posts a throwback, when she modeled for Bikini or underwear. She’s like “so awkward lol” and Kells answers with emojis and is like “Damn YN!” They flirt in the comments and later Kells DM’s her ;)’ requested (11/26)

IMAGINE ‘you and Colson are close friends and occasionally sleep with each other. We all know about his feet kink. One day after you had a manicure and pedicure, you posted your newly designed finger and toe nails on insta. Colson is like 😍👅🔥😈 And then DM’s you, to invite you over 😏’ requested (11/10)100+ notes

IMAGINE ‘Could you make this: YN and Kells are friends and she visited him on The Dirt set. Afterwards she followed everyone on insta. One day she liked and comment on a post of Daniel Webber (something flirty) and he responds, also flirty. Kells see this and DM’s yn and is jealous but won’t admit it at first. YN finds this funny and says stuff like “You flirt even more than me on insta 😂” Kells can’t deny this 😄 Thank you, you’re so sweet!!’ requested (10/28)

IMAGINE - ‘So not a long ago Colson liked this first tweet (in real life) and it caused a little problem in our community and I just felt I needed to write about it.’ (10/27)

IMAGINE ‘Reader tweeting something like “we were so much more than you let us be” “our almost still haunts me” and kells texting her’ requested (10/19)

IMAGINE ‘Y/N is an actress and one day she totally starts to fangirl about MGK on Twitter/IG and then Colson sees it.. ‘ (10/01) 100+ notes

PART II (10/03)

PART III (11/19) 100+ notes

(the main masterlist)

270 notes · View notes

colorseeingchick · 3 years

Note

hello! i would like to have a matchup with the kuroko no basketball (knb) and prefer a boy. my pronouns are she/her and i’m a teenage minor.

my mbti is ISTP - T. i’m quite introverted when it comes to hanging out with my friends but i can be extraverted when needed.

i can be very bossy so it would be good to have someone who can handle my attitude. i am a sarcastic and insensitive (not that i chose to be) person.

i like to do fashion design and reading books in my own time. i never really have anything to do other than school and to go home (ig not school anymore since im on break)

it would be nice to have someone who can be lift me up cause i can get into my head a lot and give blunt/ bland answers when i’m tired or over anything.

someone who is a huge romantic and probably someone who is nice to others (unlike me). someone who can take me out of my comfort zone.

he has to be patient and understanding when i get into my moods or have bad days because i can drift off. my love languages are quality time and gifts.

Hello Hello! For you, I match you up with the star of the show himself…

Kuroko Tetsuya!

Haaaaaa he's so pRETTY

I feel like Kurokio is one of the most ‘boyfriend material’ character out of the main cast. And in your case, I would say he is probably a perfect balance of what you want and need. He would also view you as an ideal partner and a great girlfriend, even when you were at your lows.

Kuroko would probably meet you in a garden or a library - some place quiet. He was trying to run away from the team so he could have some time alone (not that they knew he disappeared), and you were just trying to read.

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” You were shocked to see him, thinking you were so immersed in your book that you didn’t notice, but you’d come to learn that’s just how Kuroko was. You two would become unintentional reading buddies, sitting next to each other and reading in quiet. It was pleasant. After some time, you decided you should probably learn a bit more about the boy who always sat next to you. So you talked to him. He didn’t say much, but he was very sweet and came to care about you through these small convos. He’d bring you random books he thought you would like based on what he saw you reading prior, and he’d ask for your thoughts. You wouldn’t see it on his face, but those interactions made him very happy.

At some point you started to show him your sketches and pictures of the clothes you designed. You didn’t know why you did it. It just felt right. And it was the right move, because Kuroko was so supportive. He praised you a lot- he was a man of few words, but you knew that he meant every word he said.

It was during this time that he spent with you that he developed a crush on you. He thought you were great company and found your hobbies to be cool. He was the type to be walked over in the past, so he was inspired by the way you had such a strong personality (which you always argued was just your attitude). You spoke your mind and were brash sometimes, but that was what Kuroko preferred. Otherwise it probably would have gone over his head anyways.

Kuroko didn’t ask you out the traditional way. It was a thing where he assumed you two were a couple by the way he spent time with you and you with him. That being said, he wasn’t sure how much of a couple you two were, so he held off on acting like a real boyfriend till he could figure it out. It wasn’t until the team asked about it that there was any progress.

“Wait, so you didn’t ask her out?” Hyuga yelled.

“No.” Kuroko was clear. “Was I supposed to?” In hindsight, asking you would have answered his question a lot quicker than the waiting game.

The boys all let out a collective sigh. “Oi, Kuroko, if you don’t ask her out, then what’s she supposed to do? And what did you plan to do?” Kagami asked. Kagami wasn’t always the biggest fan of you (you and him fought a LOT because you were sarcastic and bossy and he had the shortest fuse known to man) but he thought you were a great person for Kuroko for those exact reasons. Kuroko needed someone who was able to make decisions and have a good sense of sarcasm cuz he was soft in comparison. There was no denying it in Kagami's mind.

And so they all convinced him that he had to ask you out formally. He came to your normal meeting spot, and whipped out a new book with a rose on top. “Will you please be my girlfriend?” He was very forward in his request, but he was sort of nervous. When you accepted, he was so relieved. He could shower you in the affection he wanted to without questioning your bond.

As a boyfriend, you and Kuroko's relationship was well balanced. Kuroko knew when you were in a mood or having bad days, and he had no problem giving you space and time to do what you needed to do. He was persistent, so you knew he would follow up with you no matter what. You couldn’t go too far without Kuroko coming to pull you back. And when he did, he would do it gently but firmly. He always took a lot of time to understand you. He was great at listening, so he would be patient and take time to understand why you did what you did and how to help. He was great at reading people, so it wasn’t always stuff you had to tell him. If you were ever insensitive, he didn’t mind. The people he played with were similar, and it was a sort of bluntness that he preferred. It matched his own style of speaking at times as well. Your ‘attitude’ was well dealt with by him and wasn’t really a cause of problems in your relationship for the most part. If you ever got into your own head, Kuroko would be very logical with you to help you get out of it, and he was always very positive and driven. That positivity was shared with you. He had faith in you and that helped you push forward as well.

Kuroko was definitely the ‘nice’ one in your relationship. But it was a classic case of opposites attract. The fact that you were a bit tougher and had an attitude made it hard for other people to mess with Kuroko as well. They usually didn’t perceive him as a threat. But people knew you wouldn’t take that typa stuff and would definitely give them some sass/attitude to keep em in line, and in that way your relationship also helped Kuroko.

Kuroko’s an absolute gentleman and would be very romantic with you. He’s the type to give you his jacket, walk you home, keep you company, take care of you when you're sick, and bring you small gifts that remind him of you.

All in all, you and Kuroko were a good couple. Whether it came to your emotions, your struggles, your opinion on romance, or just the genre of books you read, Kuroko was there to slowly push your boundaries to help you grow as a person - he’d do it slowly, steadily, and with the most love and care in the world.

~~~

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! I love Kuroko so much myself and I really do think y'all would be a great pair :)

#knb matchup #knb #csc hits 200 #colorseeingchick milestone

6 notes · View notes

kim-seungmine · 4 years

Text

dream the night away

title: dream the night away

characters: (fem) reader x hwang hyunjin of stray kids

genre: slice-of-life, romance, angst, best friends to lovers au, idol au, idol!hyunjin, hyunjin centric, inspired by 3racha’s cloud 9 but not really?

warnings: minor character death, sometimes heavy, slow burn (aka i wanted it to be but i wasn’t patient enough), i tried to proofread, i gave up trying to format text convo on tumblr, i think they kiss a lot.

word count: 11.6k i’m so sorry

synopsis: one night, hyunjin wonders how he long can stay floating on cloud 9 before he loses his balance and falls all the way down to the pits of hell. After that, nothing feels right.

disclaimer: this is idol!hyunjin so i just wanna say that this is not how hyunjin is in real life and im not trying to convince you that he feels the things in the story. some parts are inspired by the things they’ve said but everything that happens here is pure fiction... which actually goes without saying since this is a fanfic, but i just feel the need to say it. for my personal long ass author’s note, you can read it below.

Hyunjin is met with darkness when he steps into the dorm. It used to be more packed, it used to be messier, and it used to be really loud. Now he only shares the dorm with the 00z who are surprisingly quiet if you think about it. Seungmin sleeps early, Felix has his headphones stuck to his ears and plays games until the sun rises, and Jisung is snugged somewhere watching movies. On busier days, Seungmin and Felix are at the company for lessons and Jisung spends the night at the studio with Chan and Changbin. Hyunjin, meanwhile, usually has some photoshoots.

However, tonight feels unnaturally quiet, especially since Hyunjin has just won his first Bonsang as a solo artist. He switches the lights on, and his friends are soundlessly huddled together by the fridge, Jisung holding a small cake.

“Surprise!” Seungmin exclaims rather flatly as Hyunjin drops to the floor out of shock, shouting profanities. Felix proceeds to grab some candles from the kitchen counter and lights them up. “Come on, blow the candles."

Hyunjin lets out an amused sigh, rising to his feet before blowing all the candles out. “Please tell me these aren’t those candles that stay lit n—what the hell.”

He continues blowing, his friends giggling while Seungmin groans. “Why did you have to curse? I was about to post that on Instagram Story!”

“Why are we doing this anyways? We’re not 18 anymore,” Hyunjin protests half-heartedly. He can’t really remember the last time they gave each other a proper surprise. It feels like ages ago. Jisung scoffs, searching for a knife inside one of the kitchen drawers. Slicing the cake, he retorts, “Your dramatic ass loves surprises, stop denying it.”

“Anyone has anything to do tonight? The hyungs want to come over,” Felix informs while typing on his phone. Hyunjin’s vibrates after a few seconds; everyone on the Stray Kids group chat must be congratulating him.

Seungmin opens the chat, frowning. “Where’s Jeongin?”

“He hasn’t been replying since hours ago. That brat probably fell asleep. Just ask his bro if he’s home,” Hyunjin suggests, about to reply to Chan’s message when another message pops up.

y/n: sorry i couldnt watch the show

y/n: but i saw the news! congratulations!!

y/n: so proud of you, as always!

Hyunjin’s eyes light up at your messages. It’s been months since he saw you; he’s been busy with his solo debut and you’ve been busy with school. When both of you were children, you often pictured how life would be. Hyunjin would be a famous soccer player for Manchester United and the captain of South Korea national team. You would be studying to become a doctor.

He finds it funny that you’re doing the exact same thing while he’s doing something he never even imagined before. Hyunjin is always amazed at how well you planned your whole life and executed every single plan, albeit not always instantly.

After all these years, though, he dares to say that both of you turned out okay. Amazing, even.

“Order whatever you want. I’m eating outside but I’ll be back soon,” Hyunjin tells his friends, bombarding you with messages before you turn your phone off, the thing you always do when you’re about to cram.

Seungmin arches an eyebrow. “Y/N?”

“Yeah. I asked whether she wants to eat gopchang with me.”

“You should really be careful.”

“Everyone knows we’re best friends. No one will make a weird rumor or anything.”

Jisung clicks his tongue. “Well, do you?”

Whenever someone talks about you, it always leads to this very conversation. Hyunjin decides to let Jisung’s question (sarcasm) hang in the air, but he knows the answer. Yes, he knows you and him are just best friends. Does he like it that way?

Hyunjin knows the answer to that too. He only pretends that he doesn’t.

You’re already slurping your soup when Hyunjin says hi to the restaurant owners, Mr and Mrs. Jang. “Oh Hyunjinnie, I just watched you on TV. You won something, right?” he asks. His wife ushers him to sit down, putting extra servings of kimchi on the table.

“Why didn’t I get extra kimchi?” You pout, shooting a jealous glare at Hyunjin who’s busy explaining what a Bonsang is to the owners.

“You did a good job, then,” Mrs. Jang coos. “You don’t need to pay today. It’s on us!”

You quickly put your spoon down. “What about me? I barely sleep thesedays, and I’m not as rich as Hyunjin!”

“Aigoo, you started eating before your friend came then demand for free food. You’re lucky we love you as much as we love Hyunjin.”

The couple laugh at your reaction, jokingly scolding you for being whinier than Hyunjin when it used to be the other way around. He smiles, remembering all the times he forced you to eat his eggplants for him and the times when he begged you to help him study because he needed to beat all of his friends.

“Eat,” you scowl. “You only have half an hour to brag. I have a night shift.”

Out of the times you’re being petty towards him, you were only seriously petty once: when he beat your English score in ninth grade although you were the one teaching him. He had to bribe you with a week’s worth of Haribo jellies before you stopped ignoring him.

Hyunjin giggles. “When’s your exam? Tomorrow?”

“Next week,” you whine. “But I have so many things to do! And I think someone stole my notes, I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Do you even understand half the pain I’m going through right now? All I need is one solid hour of sleep.”

“Hmm,” he hums. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

You widen your eyes, eyeing Hyunjin from head to toe. “Sometimes I forget you’re Stray Kids’ Hyunjin.”

He pretends to stab himself on the chest. “That h-hurts,” he fake-groans. “Then who do you think I am?”

“My neighbor,” you answer. “—who doesn’t even live at home anymore.”

“To be fair, you’re practically holed in hospital now.”

“Yeah but I go home every two weeks? You go home twice a year.”

“Excuse me?! I went home on your birthday… in the middle of a tour! I could’ve been sleeping or practicing, but I came home!”

He always “argues” with you until both of you are out of breath, clutching your chests because it somehow feels hilarious. You drink the last few drops of the soup right from your bowl, setting it back on the table and empty your glass in one go.

“I don’t have enough energy for this,” you sigh dreamily, prepping your head on your arm. “Tell me about everything. Your first Bonsang.”

Hyunjin can still hear his fans’ voices chanting his name and cheering for him as he delivered his speech while sobbing (this is what he hates from solo promotions, nobody else is there to stop him from crying or taking over the mic from him so he could calm himself down). He remembers every single word he said and the proud faces of his fellow artists. The thrill, the triumph, the satisfaction, the love… it’s making him emotional all over again.

He grabs a tissue to blow his nose. “I was surprised when the company said that I was invited. Our group hasn’t made a comeback this year, and although my song did chart quite well, I never expected they would even invite me.”

“They gave me a 5-minute stage! I was so happy, I sent you my rehearsal videos, right?”

You nod, imitating one of the moves in his dance break.

“Everything was even more amazing on stage, with Stays watching me. I think I was possessed during the performance… I was goddamn nervous though.”

“Yeah, I watched it on the way here. You kept licking your lip, I don’t care if your fans think that’s hot. To me you’re just a nervous mess…”

Hyunjin has started to pout when you add, “… who did a very great job nevertheless! It’s just that I’ve known you so long. You can’t hide anything from me.”

He notices how you’re holding your breath, waiting for him to respond. After years, Hyunjin thought he would take negative comments much less seriously, but apparently it didn’t become easier. It became harder, so hard that he had to take a 3-month hiatus last year.

With you, everything is different. You can tell him that he sucks big time and he’ll take it seriously, but he never gets offended. There are a lot of times when people treat him like he’s made of glass (or a snowflake, Seungmin once said), but you treat him the way you’ve always treated him and he loves it. None of his other friends understands, but your honesty is priceless. It’s what keeps him going; he knows you’ll never cherish him less no matter what you say about the way he dances and raps, or the way he looks and behaves. And he’s sure that his honesty also means the world to you. You are each other’s toughest critic, but it will never change anything.

“Hyunjin.” You place your hand over his, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out of my mouth.”

He chuckles, flipping his palm to squeeze your hand. “You idiot. You just stated the facts.”

You squeeze his hand back before pulling away. “I’m looking at Hwang Hyunjin of Stray Kids who sold over 100.000 copies of his first solo album, who won Bonsang for the first time, who gets worshiped by everyone he locks eyes with—except for me of course. I’m a very proud friend.”

“Stop it.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but unable to hide his smile once he sees you grinning like a happy child. “How much time do we have left?”

You glance at your phone, sighing when a reminder for you to study pops up. “5 minutes. I have to go back to the hospital soon.”

“Can you even study during your shift?”

“I have to,” you mumble. “Anyways, thanks for dragging me out. I did miss you after all.”

“I missed you too,” Hyunjin says, probably too quick for his own good but he doesn’t regret it.

“I’ll be going now.” You stretch your limbs, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “Any last words before I go to war?”

“I should be the one asking you that.”

“Oh, right.”

Chan is the only one awake by the time Hyunjin gets back home. He huffs in regret, knowing that the hyungs decided to stay over to celebrate his Bonsang win. The leader greets him with a bear hug, carefully avoiding Felix and Minho who are fast asleep on the floor. “We’re so happy for you!” he whisper-yells. “How was Y/N?”

Hyunjin returns his hug with an even tighter one. “Thanks hyung. You composed the song after all! And sorry I came back too late.”

Chan shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. At some point we forgot why we were here and just started playing mafia.”

“Y/N is fine, anyways, just tired.”

“She’s always tired, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. It turns out that medical students are probably more tired than us.”

Hyunjin leads Chan to his bedroom. Each of the 00z has their own bedroom now. It’s much more convenient and they can arrange their stuff however they want to (they avoid entering Jisung’s room as much as possible), but Hyunjin misses the mess at times. The old dorm was cramped, either too hot or too cold, and way too noisy, but it was home for quite a long time.

Chan seems to be having the same thought. “We miss you kiddos sometimes,” he laughs. “But we fixed that sliding door. It closes properly now.”

“As long as Changbin hyung keeps opening it with too much force it will be broken again in no time. Trust me.”

Both of them are lying on Hyunjin’s king size bed, staring at the sideboard table he dedicates for his music show—and now, music award—trophies. “The kids don’t really say it but they’re all so proud of you. I’m proud of you. I raised you well, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you kinda did.”

“Kinda?!”

“I’m joking.” Hyunjin scrunches his nose. “You raised all of us. We raised Jeongin. And we raised each other.”

“3racha are almost finished choosing the final songs, you have 2 weeks to relax then we’ll start production right away. Our next tour won’t start until May, so we have plenty of time to prepare everything.”

“Ohhhhh I can feel my bones breaking already. We’re getting old,” Hyunjin whines.

Chan pats his thighs, cracking his knuckles before jumping out of bed. “You’re getting old,” he teases.

“I’m glad, though. Everything finally works out the way we wanted to. I guess we can say that we’re doing well now, right?”

Chan doesn’t wait for Hyunjin to answer and leaves the room right away. The latter ponders the rhetorical question for a while, recalling the goals they have reached for the past few years. Entering the Melon chart (and staying on Top 20 for a week), having one of the most successful world tour, winning prestigious awards at prestigious music awards, 3racha getting acknowledged as the industry’s top composers, 00z winning music shows for their unit debut last year, Jeongin getting drama roles, and last but not least, Hyunjin’s successful solo debut.

Feeling nostalgic, he scrolls through his phone, looking at old photos and silly videos. Looking at the lyrics he wrote on his note app. Then he goes through @realstraykids’ posts on Instagram, from when Jeongin still had braces until tonight. The latest selcas on his own official account are still getting likes, the fans showering him with praises.

Hyunjin has ticked off everything from his wish list. He has reached every goal he set a few years ago. They are doing well. He’s doing well.

He looks at his surroundings, immersing himself in the space and peace of his room that he once craved desperately. He’s supposed to be at peace now, but his mind won’t stop buzzing, asking himself what to do next.

For the very first time, Hyunjin realizes that he’s now floating on Cloud 9. Everything is perfect, he’s living his dream life. But at the back of his head, he can hear the clock ticking, ready to push him over the edge the moment he loses his balance, watching him fall all the way to the pits of hell.

Everything is perfect, but why does his heart feel so empty?

Hyunjin’s brows furrow as he tries to catch some comments the fans are posting. When he was a rookie he couldn’t get used to how fast the comments come in, and it’s something that doesn’t quite change. Probably he got used to it at some point, but they kept gaining fans that the comment section is always extremely active.

“Hyunjin oppa,” he pronounces the words slowly. ”Spo-spoiler please!”

He lifts his head to give the viewers a secretive smile. “Nope.” He wiggles his forefinger. “You have to wait for the teasers!”

“Ohhh the comments! You guys are so excited I can’t keep up!”

More comments flood in, and Hyunjin has to press his phone screen in order to read the one comment he’s been trying to read. “Recommend me a song, please!”

“Uhhh—” He takes some time to think of the songs he’s been listening to, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table while the comments keep coming in, but this time he spots words that stab him right on his gut. With trembling hands, he lifts his phone, clicking the report button as subtle as possible. His vision grows blurry as he reports every single comment that has the word “fuck you”, “die” or “talentless” in it.

The pause has become too long and too awkward, so he stops himself from reporting more and stares at the lens. “Ah, song recommendation!” he exclaims. “I have quite a lot but thesedays I’ve been listening to 00z songs a lot. We had so much fun promoting together.”

Hyunjin feels his other phone vibrating in his pocket, probably his mother checking in. It gives him a boost of energy, and he tells his fans he’ll stay with them for 10 more minutes. “When we’re just talking like this, I’m always reminded that we’ve come so far,” Hyunjin says, a smile on his face. “It feels good to know that all of you are making time for us, for me, after your busy day. And no, I’m not sleepy. Don’t worry, everyone!”

He reads some more comments, mostly cheesy pickup lines to cheer himself up as his brain is still trying to get all the hurtful words out of his system. “Ah, I think I have to go now,” Hyunjin announces lowly. “I have to go back to practice, if not Chan hyung will barge in and drag me back to the practice room.”

“What? You want me to get scolded by Chan hyung? Why are you so mean?!”

Hyunjin ends up staying for 20 more minutes before finally ending the broadcast. Conversation with his fans is something he values a lot; it gives him strength and makes him laugh. It makes him feel loved and he wants his fans to feel the same.

But it’s equally tiring. He has to brace himself for some less-than-nice comments, sometimes they are way too severe for him to handle that the company sues all the commenters. You’ve told him over and over again that those people aren’t his fans.

Everything could’ve been worse. Hyunjin still considers himself very lucky that he has much more fans than haters. Still, he often imagines how it will feel if he has no hater at all, since he does have some friends who seem to only hear pretty words.

Hyunjin stays inside the room for a few more minutes, replying to Seungmin’s messages and assures him that he’ll be back soon. He idly plays one of their songs he hasn’t heard for years, the song that was always included in their setlist before being replaced by some other songs. Hyunjin initially thought he wouldn’t need that song anymore, but tonight, he needs it. Maybe he needs it more now than before.

After making a mental note to ask the other boys to add the song back to the concert’s setlist, Hyunjin leaves, cursing himself for taking too much time to regain his composure.

Should I stop or not? Should I give up or not?

“Hwang Hyunjin, stop coming into my room without my permission! You literally trespassed into someone else’s property!”

Hyunjin groans into his pillow, instantly regretting his decision to pick up your call at midnight. “I didn’t!”

“Don’t lie to me. You took Gureum with you!”

He takes a quick glance at the rabbit plushie he placed on top of his pillow. Last night, he did go home because Kkami (everyone calls him old man now) got a little sick. “I miiiiight have made a quick detour next door when I was about to leave.”

“You’re pathetic. You got soooooo many plushies and toys and cute headbands from fansigns and you stole my Gureum.”

“Stop guilt tripping me! I missed Gureum, okay? Why didn’t you take him to your dorm?”

Hyunjin senses your hesitation as you clear your throat. “Well, sometimes seeing Gureum only makes me miss everyone more, so I just left him at home.”

Now he feels guilty. Your parents are currently staying overseas to take care of your sick little sister. He pictures you coming to an empty home every two weeks, exhausted and not having anyone to welcome you.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Our superstar isn’t busy?”

“I am, but I’m willing to sacrifice my precious time for my best friend.”

You scoff over the phone, but telling him to hurry up before ending the call. Hyunjin packs his clothes and toiletries, along with Gureum—his birthday present for your 11th birthday. You almost never sleep without it, yet the plushie still looks brand new.

Unable to hide his smitten smile, Hyunjin grabs his keys.

The apartment complex where Hyunjin lives has changed a lot over the years. The soccer field he used to play at is now a playground. The little bookstore you loved so much is now a bakery. Now there’s a big shopping mall right across the building. After saving up for a while, Hyunjin asked his parents whether they wanted to move to a bigger place. He kind of hoped that they wouldn’t want it because he wanted to stay close to you (although coming home is a real challenge for him). Luckily, his parents said no.

He enters your door password leisurely, recalling the time when your parents told him to take care of you.

So far, you’ve been the one taking care of him.

Hyunjin heads straight to your bedroom, opening the door and sees you curling on your bed. The mattress he sleeps on whenever he stays over is already laid on the floor.

“Gureum!” you yell when he throws the squishy rabbit to you. Hyunjin drops his bag and settles himself on the mattress, staring up at you.

“How’s your sis?”

You scoot towards the end of the bed, showing him a photo on your phone. Your sister is smiling; she looks much better than before, but still very pale and thin. “I haven’t called her,” Hyunjin admits. “But she got the albums I sent to her. Sent the ones signed by the others too. That kid loves Jisung, do you know that?”

“I got her into Jisung.”

He sits up, looking almost offended. “Your bias is Han Jisung?”

“This world doesn’t revolve around you, superstar.” You flash him a cheeky grin. “I wanted to ask you to let me go to the backstage again last tour, but I restrained myself. As your kind best friend, I shouldn’t abuse my privilege.”

“You know that he never cleans his room, right?”

You hum, “Nobody’s perfect, Jinnie.”

“Oh come on!” Hyunjin protests. “If it’s Jeongin I understand although he also never cleans his room. But Jisung? And you’re calling yourself my best friend!”

“He’s funny!” you argue. ”He has a nice voice—it’s really sexy when he raps, he dances well, he wrote all my favorite Stray Kids songs, and he actually had the balls to fight you. A real champ.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, making a gesture to snatch Gureum away from you. “And at the end of the day, you love him,” you add. “He makes you laugh too.”

Well, it’s a fact he can’t refute. You ask, “Do you think I should hit on him or something? Will people call me out? Does he have someone?”

“We are not having this conversation Y/N. I don’t care if both of you are my best friends, you’re not dating Han Jisung. What happened to that ‘hot senior’ Jung Jaehyun? The last time we called, you were so in love with him.”

The mention of Jaehyun’s name causes you to slump into your bed, covering yourself with your thick blanket. “I sort of blew it up,” you mumble. “He asked me on a real date and I said no.”

You seem to hit realization that’s way too late, and now you’re hollering, “I said no to Jung Jaehyun! Oh my God Hyunjin… I’m such an idiot!”

Hyunjin can’t contain his giggles. Relief washes over him; you and Jaehyun seemed rather serious and while he wished you well, the thought of you being with someone else always pains him. He knows he’s not allowed to feel that way just because you’re best friends.

Most of the times, he can’t help it.

“He’s a real gentleman and he said he was into me. ME. Everyone would throw themselves at him but he came up to me and I flat out rejected him. What the hell is wrong with me?!”

You’re rolling on your bed, whining and kicking at the air. “I tried not to think about it but… it was just a date? Even if I didn’t end up dating him at least I could tell my grandchildren that I went on a date with Jung Jaehyun!”

“Is he really that great?” Hyunjin asks, out of curiosity but laced with jealousy he hopes you can’t see. His words sound distant to his own ears, triggering his fear of losing you.

“Yeah, I guess?”

You nudge his legs when he doesn’t respond. “How about you? Everything’s fine? You don’t look happy thesedays.”

Hyunjin never lies to you. You have a full access to his heart; he lets you in on his happiest days when life feels like the shiniest summer. He also lets you in even after the messiest thunderstorm when he feels that everything is fucked up. This time, he wants to lock you out. There’s nothing to see, there’s nothing to fix.

His heart is empty—he is empty, and he wants to protect you from the bleakness of it.

“I’m fine, just been arguing with Felix and Minho hyung over the song we’ll perform. It feels too monotone for me, but they think it’s perfect,” he explains, not completely lying. “I don’t know if I’m being selfish but somehow I just can’t let it go.”

“Have you tried explaining to them? Not how you feel, but how the song is. You can always go technical, you don’t need to worry just because Minho is more experienced.”

Hyunjin sighs. “I did, but probably it’s just me.”

“Do you wanna talk things out?” You yawn, squishing Gureum into your chest. “Or do you want to just sleep?”

He glances at the clock. “We both need sleep. It’s almost 3A.M.”

“Alright. Good night—I mean good morning!”

Hyunjin stretches his neck to look at you, your eyes are already closed. He relaxes his body and tries to sleep, but his jumbled mind keeps him awake. Hyunjin waits until you’re fast asleep before scooting closer, softly taking your hand in his before closing his eyes once again. He did it a lot when he was younger, holding your hand until he fell asleep. You nagged at him because it woke you up, but you never told him to stop doing it.

Tonight is no different.

“Hyunjin?”

“Sorry.”

You turn to him, “It’s okay.”

He mumbles a thank you, ready to go to sleep when you move to the mattress. Hyunjin gulps at the close proximity, it’s been too long since you slept on the same bed as him.

“Hyunjin, I missed you.”

Hyunjin heard a theory somewhere: 3.A.M-conversations are the most honest. It’s a little over 3A.M now, and he doesn’t how much of that theory is true, but your words fuel something deep within him. The feeling so strong he has to tear his gaze away from you. Hyunjin slowly pulls you into his arms, patting your back in rhythm with the clock.

He grazes his lips on your shoulder, mouthing his reply quietly, “I missed you too.”

You nod against his chest, pulling your hand out of his grasp so you could circle your arms around his torso.

Hyunjin falls asleep almost immediately, succumbing to the warmth and comfort you radiate.

He’s going to be alright.

“Do you think I’ll ever debut?”

Hyunjin takes off his SOPA jacket, plopping onto the bed while you’re munching on a pack of jelly. “Let me sleep for 10 minutes. I have to go to the company after this.”

You slap his thigh. “Why do you always sleep in my room? If I got a dollar everytime you sabotage my bed I’d be really rich now. Get out, you have practice!”

He reaches for your knee, using it as a pillow. Hyunjin feels you soften as you card your hand through his hair. “Is it hard? Are those mean hyungs still bothering you?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Changbin hyung told those motherfuckers to mind their own business.”

“Stop cursing!” you hiss. “It’s not cool, and what if you accidentally curse on broadcast later? You have so much to learn…”

Hyunjin opens his eyes and smiles when he meets your gaze. “Do you think I’ll ever debut?” he repeats his question.

“Have you seen yourself dancing? You’re better than most of the trainees I saw at the open showcase. Plus you have so many girls screaming your name. No offense, but that is definitely a plus point.”

You give his head a little smack when you notice doubt flashing through his orbs. “I believe in you, Hyunjin. Don’t doubt yourself,” you tell him softly. “And if you need someone to give those ‘motherfuckers’ a lesson, just call me. I know some people who can shut them up.”

He lets out an obnoxious gasp. “Are you a gangster now?! Your parents are going to be so disappointed in you. Looks like you have to say goodbye to medical school now…”

You sigh, now it’s your turn to look at Hyunjin with doubt in your eyes. “I’ll get in, right? What if I flunk my results later?”

“This is why I hate smart people,” he bemoans. “You rank first in the whole school, stop saying nonsense.”

Both of you a few more minutes lying in silence. When he waves you goodbye, Hyunjin feels like he can soar.

He’s safe with you, and you’re safe with him.

“Hwang Hyunjin, get off me!”

Hyunjin wakes up to you trying to untangle your legs from his. He catches your flailing legs, removing his before examining your face. “It’s almost noon. Aren’t you running late?” you pester, pointing at the clock.

“Lunch?” he asks.

This is supposed to be awkward. Hyunjin can’t recall what happened a few hours ago before blushing—he’s never been that intimate with you before. You two have had a fair share of platonic cuddle sessions, but last night felt different.

“Not yet,” you mutter. “I just woke up. Oh God my back hurts.”

He wants to know whether you feel the same, but you’ve made your way to the bathroom before he could ask anything. “What do you want to eat?” you yell, almost incoherently due to the toothpaste in your mouth.

“You’re not going to shower?” Hyunjin playfully shrieks.

“It’s my day off!”

“My mom must’ve cooked something. Gimme 10 minutes.”

Although he’s done this at least a hundred times, it’s still hard for Hyunjin to leave home. Seeing his he’s never able to stop his heart getting heavier at the sight of bidding his family goodbye until God knows when.

“Please come home more Y/N,” his mother asks you, raising her eyebrow. “Hyunjin seems to randomly pop up whenever you’re here, so please, come home more.”

You smack his back loudly, causing him to let out a choked groan. “I’ll teach him a lesson, don’t worry.”

Hyunjin gives his mother a sheepish smile, knowing all too well what she meant. He pulls you out before she starts grilling him for information, yelling one last goodbye before closing the door. You search for something inside your bag, stopping him from pressing the elevator button.

“You left something?”

“My dorm key,” you answer, walking back to your own unit. “You should just go,” you say. “It’s in the middle of the day anyways, we shouldn’t be seen together.”

Hyunjin follows you inside, watching you rummage through one of the buffet drawers. He notices how your shoulders are slumped and the way your eyebrows furrow. As his mind wanders to last night once again, you jab at his stomach lightly. “Hey, you’re spacing out.”

“Oh,” is all Hyunjin can say. He takes a good look of you, something he always does before he parts ways with you. Before he can stop himself, Hyunjin has wrapped his arms around you, letting you hear his erratic heartbeat. He still misses you, even after spending the whole night together.

Eventually, you pull away. “I’ll go first.” You ruffle his head. “See you when I see you?”

“See you soon,” he corrects you.

You smile, taking your bag from the floor and when he blinks, you’re gone.

Hyunjin still misses you now, even when you were just in his embrace a few minutes ago, burying your head into the crook of his neck. The empty space in his heart seems to expand whenever he thinks about you.

It hurts.

Minho ends the dance practice and everyone collapses on the floor the moment the music stops playing. Hyunjin immediately restarts the discussion they had before practice started.

“We used to sing both Grow Up and You Can Stay, why do we have to choose one now?” he demands while all of them are sprawled on the floor. “Our fans miss it too, I think it’s the perfect chance to bring it back.”

Chan takes a deep breath, nodding at Hyunjin. “I can’t see why not,” he says with a chuckle. “I don’t even remember why we abandoned it in the first place.”

Hyunjin does, and he knows Chan does too. It was simple, really. The song that once gave them comfort turned into this big monster made out of their worst nightmares. Each member had cried to the song during some of their concerts, and now performing it in front of everyone always brings back the painful memories.

“Yeah, we should sing it again,” Felix adds, kicking Jisung’s leg so the latter would sit up and voice out his opinion. “Well.” Jisung scratches the back of his head, “I’m cool with it.”

The rest of the group mumbles similar answers and Chan claps, giving Hyunjin a thumbs up. “Hyunjinnie is all grown up,” he praises before gathering his things and leaves. Hyunjin snorts at the leader’s compliment, but his sparkly eyes can’t fool anyone.

He pulls out his phone to relay the happy news to you, but the sparks in his eyes quickly fade when his messages from hours ago are still unread.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” he asks.

Seungmin checks his phone. “5A.M.”

Hyunjin wipes his sweat, chugging his water. Their American tour starts in a few days, and while he’s ecstatic because they’ll be performing at LA Staples Center for the first time, he also feels uneasy.

He takes out his phone, opening his contacts and stops when he sees your name. He stares at the number he remembers by heart.

“You okay?” Seungmin asks. “If you’re worried about District 9’s formation change, don’t. You nailed it today.”

“District 9…” Hyunjin trails off. “We’re getting too old for District 9.”

Jeongin grunts in agreement. “Whenever we finish my head always spins for like a minute. It’s been too long.”

“Yah,” Seungmin scolds him. “You need to get it checked. What if there’s something wrong with your head?”

The youngest does an exaggerated head banging, earning a kick from the puppy-like boy. Hyunjin chuckles at the two’s antics; some things never really change, and he’s grateful that this is one of those things.

Seungmin throws a playful punch at Jeongin’s stomach one last time before focusing his gaze back on Hyunjin. “Seriously though, did something happen?”

Hyunjin’s brain has a lot of template answers to questions like this, but the cliché words on tip of his tongue feel burning. His friends wait patiently as he fumbles for words, blinking his tears away when he fails to find the right words.

“I don’t even know if there’s anything,” he finally concludes. “It’s just—ever since Bonsang, it’s been hard. It’s been… nothing. Empty.”

Seungmin and Jeongin only nod, as if they understand how he feels. They probably do, Hyunjin thinks. Maybe he’s not the only one. Maybe all of his members have experienced it at some point, although at different times. Hyunjin feels slightly relieved at the thought. I’m not insane.

When he was a trainee, he thought everything would be fine once he debuted. It was, to some extent. But he was young and naïve, and when things beyond his control happened, Hyunjin barely managed to stay afloat. People told him how to handle stress, how to voice out his concerns, how to manage his body, mind and soul. He knew how to survive, theoretically.

No one actually taught him nor the other boys, and for an 18 year-old boy, feelings got intense quickly. After some trials and errors, everyone figured that it was best not to bottle up their feelings. Once again, it sounded easy in theory. In reality, with so many things happening at once, most of them eventually created a space in their own heads to seal everything in. They endured.

Jeongin looks at him with hesitation, rubbing his hands together. “It happens,” he reassures him. “It’s okay to worry about it, hyung. But worry about it with me, please!” Jeongin raises his tone. “You can barge into my room anytime. You can annoy the hell out of me, but stop suffering alone, will you?!”

Seungmin can’t miss the chance to tease the maknae. “Says the one who cried alone all night long in the bathtub after losing his voice.”

“If I hadn’t found you, you would’ve passed out,” Hyunjin adds. Jeongin lifts his hands in defeat. “Whatever. But I meant what I said.”

“Our Jeongin is so dependable,” Hyunjin coos.

“You say that all the time.” Jeongin rolls his eyes. “And then still baby me.”

Seungmin takes Hyunjin’s phone from the floor, passing it to the owner. “Call Y/N.”

Hyunjin panics a little. “Why?”

Seungmin shrugs. “Better days start after meeting the person you want to see the most!”

“Speaking of you and Y/N,” Jeongin quips. “You guys aren’t in high school anymore, stop flirting with each other and date already.”

Hyunjin gets a surge of bravery and dials your number, but immediately regrets his decision with each passing minute. He almost ends the call when you finally answer. “Hyunjin?”

“H-hi,” he stammers. “Busy?”

“Kind of... What? What happened?”

“Can we meet? I only need a couple of minutes. You’re in Seoul, right?”

“I am. Hyunjin, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

It’s scaring me too.

“I want to tell you in person. Where are you? I’ll come to you.”

Hyunjin isn’t sure when the lines between best friends and something more started to get blurry. The worse thing is, he realized it way too late and things got complicated before he could do anything about it.

“It’s too late to back out,” he mouths to himself while opening the stairwell door in the hospital you’re currently at. You’re sitting on one of the steps, dozing off as your head hits the wall every now and then.

Hyunjin runs his hand through his hair, guilt consuming him. He sits beside you, pulling your head to his right shoulder. The two of you always attended the same school until high school, when he decided to enroll in SOPA instead of a regular school. Since then, he never really knows what’s going on in your life. You told him about your close friends, the small fights, medical students’ inside jokes, the good looking boys, all the knowledge and experiences you’re grateful for despite the never-ending suffering and constant lack of sleep. You told him everything, but he’s never actually seen you in your world.

You’ve seen enough of his world—you’ve gone to his concerts, awards shows, even fansigns (as a prank because you wanted to see him getting all flustered while pretending not to know you). Hyunjin never has the time or makes an effort to do the same, and while it’s completely understandable due to the nature of his job, he feels like he’s going to lose you.

As he brushes your hair out of your face, Hyunjin asks himself whether he’s good enough for you.

“Whoa,” you suddenly whisper, straightening your body. “Did I fall asleep?”

Hyunjin stops you from getting up. “You must be tired.”

“So are you.” You remove his hand from your head. “So tell me. What’s going on?”

You’re here, sitting beside him, only wanting truth to come out of his mouth. Hyunjin bites his lip, the urge to just let go is eating him up, his soul begging him to get some answers. The familiar hollowness is back, and tears start to roll down his cheeks.

This isn’t the first time he cries in front of you, so you just pat his head, waiting for the tears to stop. “I’m sorry,” he groans. “I’m so sorry Y/N.”

You lift his head, eyes looking straight into his. “What for?” you mutter. “Hyunjin, please tell me.”

Hyunjin makes a silent plead at himself to toughen up, but it’s hard when you’re staring at him like this, wide eyes filled with raw concern and sincerity that never fail to touch the deepest part of his heart. “Hmm?” you prompt, still patting his head ever so softly.

“It’s been hard,” Hyunjin sniffles. “It’s hard to look forward to the future. I feel restless all the time. I have nothing to fight for. It’s…,” He makes gestures with his hand in attempt to explain it better. “… empty.”

You wipe his tears with the sleeve of your white coat. “Do you know why you feel that way?”

Hyunjin nods. “We’re doing well, we really are… and that’s probably why. Everything is going too well I don’t know what thrills me anymore. I thought I’d feel content once I reached all of my dreams, but that’s not the case.”

He examines your face, rehearsing the next lines in his head again and again. You cock an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. And the last bit of Hyunjin’s defense crumbles with every blink of your pretty eyes.

“And you… I miss you all the time. Even when you’re right here with me, I still miss you. I have to hold back whenever I’m with you because I don’t want you to run away from me. I love you, Y/N. I don’t know when it all started but maybe I’ve always loved you and it hurts me not being able to tell you that. The emptiness… it gets worse whenever you tell me we shouldn’t be seen together or that you have to go or when you have other boys like Jaehyun who are clearly better for you than I am because they can be there for you. I love you so bad you don’t know how hard it is to go through days without you, without kissing you good night, without hearing you laugh for me. I keep thinking, ‘what if you’re suddenly gone?’ Maybe you’ll leave me someday, maybe you’ll tell me that you can’t be my friend anymore, but I need you, Y/N. I love you and I need you here with me to keep going. I—”

Hyunjin watches you slowly—very slowly—retract your hand from his head as words fail him, and he feels as if his guts are being hammered to pieces. He can’t read your eyes, can’t even try to define what your gaze means.

You eventually stand up, pulling him up with you. “I’m not the answer, Hyunjin,” you mutter. “You can’t expect that you’ll never feel empty again once I say that I accept your feelings. It’s just—it’s not fair. This isn’t just about us not being together.”

“But—”

“I know,” you cut him off, your body start shaking due to all the tension. “I know. That’s how you feel, and I can’t dictate you what to feel and not to feel. Think about it like this…”

You pause to check if he’s still listening to you. He nods, weakly.

“… you spent years working your ass off to get recognition from everyone, and you did it. Don’t ever forget that, I’m begging you. So all of your dreams have come true and you feel lost now… it’s okay. You have a lot of time, Hyunjin. You can always have a new dream, you can have a thousand more. Don’t make me the answer to everything just because you haven’t found any other answer.”

You wait for him to respond, but Hyunjin is frozen to his spot. His world is now upside down, and he doesn’t know how long it will take to fix everything.

Your phone rings, snapping him out of his trance. You look at him apologetically. “I have to go.” Those damn words again. “Ask Seungmin to help you ice your face, you don’t want to show up at the airport with swollen eyes, do you? Call me before you take off, okay? Hyunjin?”

He can only nod, trying his best to give you the most reassuring smile. He feels everything all at once: shock, shame, sadness… but mostly regret because you’re right.

You always are.

“Have fun on tour! Send me all the photos you take!”

Now it’s turn for Hyunjin’s phone to ring as you make your way out, leaving him alone. He’s about to press the green button when the door opens once again. Hyunjin lets his phone ring, watching you fidget with your hands.

He’s still pretty much tongue-tied, but forces himself to ask, “Did you ever… love me? As more than friends?”

To his surprise, you take quick steps towards him, tiptoeing to press your lips on his. Your eyes are closed, your hands are tied to your sides and it takes Hyunjin his whole willpower to refrain himself from pulling your body closer, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the life out of you. He closes his eyes and just stands there, accepting whatever you’re willing to give him because there’s nothing he yearns more than your love and trust.

Hyunjin almost whines when you pull away with red cheeks and teary eyes. “Come back to me when you’re ready. I’ll wait for you. Only you.”

It’s Hyunjin’s 10th (or 11th? He can’t really remember) visit to New York, but he’s still as excited as a kid with his lollipop. After years of traveling from country to country, Hyunjin realizes that he just doesn’t get bored, ever. Each place holds a special memory he keeps close to his heart, something sentimental that motivates him to go back every chance he gets.

“Stand there,” he motions at Seungmin—the only one who’s willing to accompany him walking around the Empire State Building for the nth time—to stand at the spot he points at. Seungmin follows his instruction, smiling when Hyunjin starts counting. They examine the result and Seungmin shoves his leg. “I guess you finally learned something.”

Hyunjin feigns hurt, setting his camera’s focus on a group of kids, holding his breath before pressing the shutter. “As if you taught me anything.”

He glances at his bandmate who’s busy taking photos with his own camera. Photo hunting with Seungmin is always in Hyunjin’s “limited free time” itinerary. They’ve strolled around so many cities together, sometimes it takes the whole day if time allows them. Strangely, Seungmin never gets bored of it either and although it’s no surprise since he loves photography more than anything else, Hyunjin is grateful.

“You never say no whenever I ask you to take photos with me,” Hyunjin states. “Why?”

Seungmin frowns. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just wondering,” Hyunjin mumbles. “We do pretty much the same thing everytime. Sometimes I force you to go to the places we’ve been to… don’t you get bored?”

“It’s always different everytime, I thought that’s why sometimes you take photos at the same place? It’s never exactly the same, don’t you think?”

Hyunjin goes through the photos he took in New York last year, smiling at some of them as he recalls the funny anecdotes behind them. When he slips his phone back into his jeans pocket and lets his eyes wander… yes, nothing is exactly the same.

“You truly are a photographer. When’s your next exhibition, Photographer Kim?”

Seungmin snaps his finger. “Ah! Exhibition! I forgot to ask you, why don’t we held a joint exhibition this time?”

“You want to show your photos along with my photos?”

“Why not? Yours are amazing too! And you’re my best friend, it’ll be fun.”

Hyunjin imagines having his photo framed on the wall. Small placards pinned underneath, containing the words he constructs to explain each of them. The fans will come to feel how it feels like to be here behind the lens. Maybe people who don’t even know him will come too, and get a chance to actually know him.

He reaches his phone to relay the idea to you, smiling to himself when he finds messages from you instead.

y/n: [sends a picture]

y/n: ahreum finally woke up today! isnt she pretty?

me: everyone is prettier than you

me: you must be happy!!

y/n: ??????

y/n: oh. she asked me to recommend boygroup songs

y/n: i made her listen to every single skz song

y/n: and your solo songs!!!!

me: awwwwwww

me: and you cant be doing this for free right?

“Is that your best friend slash girlfriend?” Seungmin is suddenly standing behind him, reading over his shoulder. “You guys are so cute it’s making me feel sick.”

Hyunjin sighs, gazing at the busy street upon him. “We’re not dating. At least not yet.”

“What happened? Just realized that I never really asked.”

“She asked me to come to her when I’m ready.”

Seungmin looks at him quizzically, but decides not to press him further. “Are you ready now?”

They’re flying back to Seoul next week, and while he thought he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the tour, he truly did. He thinks of all the good things that have happened: the sold out shows, the happy tears, his improvement, the upcoming exhibition with Seungmin, and lastly, you—the one who’s patiently waiting for him.

There have been a lot of times when Hyunjin feels like he’s everywhere but nowhere at the same time. It sounds scary, but now he realizes that he only needs to admit that he’s indeed everywhere, but never nowhere.

“Almost.”

The instrumental of Grow Up starts to play and all the boys rush back to their designated positions. The atmosphere turns a bit more sentimental as the bridge approaches, they’re just looking at each other while Minho is singing his part. In the past, they often teased each other during this very part, afraid that they would break down if they let their emotions overtake them. Hyunjin averts his gaze to the audience, watching the beautiful color of their lightsticks light up the huge stadium. As he gestures at some of the fans to stop crying, Hyunjin thanks himself for convincing the others to add the song back to their setlist.

The song comes to an end, and Chan gathers everyone to make a circle. Hyunjin feels pats on his head and back, Chan’s voice drowned by the fans who are still singing. He can’t resist the urge to turn around, so he does just that, and what he won’t trade what he sees for anything.

Their fans are standing there, eyes focused on everyone on stage as they sing each syllable perfectly. Changbin follows his gaze, and soon all of them are facing the audience again, listening to every wish, every hope, and every message relayed through the lyrics of the song.

Hyunjin lifts his mic, eyes darting to Chan who gives him a nod of approval. “Thank you,” he begins. “This is our last stop for this tour, and I can’t be any prouder and thankful to all of you.”

He lets the translator translate his speech before continuing, “I had a lot of worries before the tour started. I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to go through everything.”

“You made our dreams come true,” Hyunjin continues. “You made my dreams come true and I naively thought that was the end of everything. But I learned a lot during this tour, and once again, you made this happen. All the pretty words you told us, they mean a lot. They always will. I realized that this will always be my dream, no matter how many times this has come true. I want to make you, who stay with us throughout everything, happy. I want to be here for a very long time. I want to be with you, to be with the members and our family, for a very long time.”

He stops when he feels he can’t continue anymore, letting the others take the spotlight. He gives each of his bandmates with a loving gaze, stopping at Minho who lets tears roll down his cheeks this time. Jeongin is giggling beside him, walking over to wrap the tsundere hyung in a firm hug.

Hyunjin thinks they’ve really come a long way.

Being back home usually gives Hyunjin a peace of mind, but when he sees no notification on his phone, he feels weird. He dials his mother’s number, his heart grows even more anxious when she picks up.

“Oh Hyunjin-ah, did you just land?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you come over here? Or do you have an important schedule?”

“No, we get 2 days off. What’s going on?”

“Y/N’s sister passed away. Sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, we didn’t want you to panic.”

“Eomma! How could you?”

“I’m sorry. This is Y/N’s request as well. She’s been here for 2 days and no one can make her eat anything. Can you take her home?”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“You’re going to live in Germany! You’re such a lucky kid!”

The little girl smiles bashfully as you pout at her. “The luckiest girl on Earth,” you add, fixing her messy hair.

“If you’re so jealous of me, why don’t you come along?”

“Are you kidding?” you exclaim. “I’m on my way to be the greatest doctor in this country. You can’t change my mind.”

“Alright, it’s time to go,” your father interrupts, giving you one last hug before whispering things into your ear. Hyunjin steps back to allow you say goodbye to your family, tearing up at the painful sight. Your father, a doctor, accepts an offer to work in a hospital in Germany and takes the whole family with him since your sick little sister needs more intensive treatment.

But you’re staying to become a great doctor like your father, hoping you’ll get a chance to cure your sister later.

“Please take care of her, Hyunjin. We trust you,” your mother tells him. Hyunjin nods, enveloping your hand in his. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here monitoring her every move and drag her back home whenever she spends too much time at the academy.”

Your sister laughs, bowing to Hyunjin. “I also want a boyfriend like Hyunjinoppa! Please take care of our unnie.”

You yank your hand away from him. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

Hyunjin seems unbothered by your statement, bowing to your family to annoy you more. “Our family will take care of her, you can trust us.”

Your sister’s smiling face greets Hyunjin as he enters the funeral home. He stares at the photo then closes his eyes to pray, whispering strings of apologies that’s always too late. I’m sorry I never visited you. I’m sorry I failed to take care of your sister. I’m sorry I didn’t call you enough.

He bows to your family, the first bow since years ago, and he wishes he could turn back time. Hyunjin turns to you, gazing into your tired eyes. Your mother pulls him towards you. “She hasn’t eaten at all. Can you please bring her home, Hyunjin? I hope you’re not too busy. I’m sorry that we meet like this.”

“Hyunjin just landed in Seoul. How could you force him to come here?” you snap, returning his gaze. “Go home. I’ll call you later.”

Hyunjin almost yells in frustration, but swallows everything before dragging you out, only tightening his grip on your wrist when you try to pry his hand off of you. You keep shouting at him, yelling at him to stop, but Hyunjin doesn’t budge. He drags you all the way to his car, opening the passenger door for you.

“Get in the car, Y/N.”

Without waiting for you to move, he lifts your body and sits you down, fastening your seatbelt. “Please don’t push me away,” he pleads. “Why do you always tell me go home, go back to practice, to leave… why?! I promised your parents to take care of you. I promised your sister, why aren’t you letting me do that?!”

“I never asked you to do that,” you mutter through gritted teeth, causing Hyunjin to grip your shoulders.

“You only said that to hurt me,” he replies. “Even now you’re still trying to push me away. I want to be here Y/N. Don’t you want me here?”

You avoid his eyes, keeping your gaze on your clasped hands. “Tell me,” Hyunjin challenges. “Tell me that you don’t want me to stay with you, and I’ll leave.”

He waits for you to respond, letting out a relieved sigh he doesn’t bother hiding when you shake your head. “Want you here. Thank you.”

“Have you cried?”

After your sister was born, you were told not to shed tears in front of her. Your parents always scolded you if you started crying when you saw her in pain, and after some time, it became a habit. A habit that Hyunjin absolutely despises since it makes you suppress your feelings, as if punishing you for having feelings.

“I don’t know… maybe I haven’t.”

“You lost your sister, you can cry. Your parents cried a lot too, it’s fine.”

You nod, resting your head in the crook of his neck when tears start to well up. Hyunjin presses a kiss on your temple, finding himself tearing up the moment you start sobbing, something he has never witnessed although he’s known you for almost his whole life.

“Is this your Armani suit?” you manage to voice in the middle of sobs and snorts. He takes you into his embrace, chuckling, “Yes, but you can ruin it however you want. Another privilege as my best friend.”

“Can I abuse this privilege?”

“Ruining my expensive suits?”

“No,” you laugh airily. “Crying when you’re with me.”

Hyunjin cups your wet cheeks, gently pushing your hands away when you want to wipe your tears away. “Anytime. You can cry, laugh, curse, get angry, get drunk… you can do anything when you’re with me.”

And that’s all it takes before you start sobbing into his suit again. Hyunjin is standing there for the longest time, sandwiched by the passenger seat and door of his car with you in his arms. He doesn’t care, he will do it all over again, and he will do much more. For you, and only you.

“Where are you? It’s past midnight already!”

“Hwang Hyunjin, you’re lucky I’m willing to go home when I have a morning shift tomorrow,” you scold him over the phone.

“It’s my birthday! Wait, it isn’t even my birthday anymore!” he whines in an obnoxious tone that never fails to upset you. He giggles when he hears you huff, the sound of the elevator signaling that you’ve already arrived.

“You asked me to buy you a cake right before I left,” you hiss. “Now open the door, I’m outside.”

The call ends and Hyunjin rushes to the door. You’re carrying the red velvet cake he requested, the candles already lit and Hyunjin tries not to melt at the way you look at him. He did ask you to buy him a cake and “surprise” him at your apartment, but he is nowhere near ready to see you like this: all smiley and cheery for him despite sounding annoyed over the phone.

“Happy birthday,” you sing song, your smile growing wider as he blows the candle. Hyunjin returns your smile before taking the cake from you, pulling you towards your room. “Go get changed, I’ll slice the cake for you.”

A few minutes later, both of you are seated on your couch, talking about every little thing while enjoying the cake. Hyunjin tells you about Stray Kids’ upcoming comeback, a very special one since Minho choreographed the title track. You tell him about various cases that happened in the hospital while wondering if you’ll ever finish medical school and actually be a doctor.

Everything feels the way Hyunjin expects it to be, until you put your empty plate on the table and look at him straight in the eyes. “Hyunjin…”

He quickly swallows and places his plate on the table as well, never breaking eye contact with you. “What?”

You gulp. “Do you remember when I asked you to come find me when you’re ready?”

“Feels like yesterday.”

“Well,” you murmur. “I’m just wondering if you’re… ready.”

Fire lights up in his stomach, and before you can continue, Hyunjin is already trapping you between his body and the couch. “I am,” he says. “Are you?”

You brush his fringe with your fingers. “You were waiting for me?”

“You told me to start dreaming again, so I did,” Hyunjin recalls. “And I realized that all of my dreams are right in front of me—you, my family, the hyungs, Jeongin, the fans… keeping you guys with me is something I’ll always dream of although all of you are already here.”

You pout at him, but Hyunjin doesn’t miss the proud gleam in your eyes. “Then what’s taking you so long?”

He pinches your nose. “I waited for you to be ready, as you said before, it wasn’t just about us being together. I don’t want you to choose me only because you feel like you need me. I want you to… want me… to love me with a clear head. Just like what you wanted me to do. I want to give you the world, but only if you allow me to.”

You circle your arms around his neck, sighing happily, “You gave me the world, Hyunjin. You listen to me, you console me, you give me a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only one I’ve ever waited for, and I’m so glad that you came back to me.”

Hyunjin is sure that his whole system has stopped working, the words you just uttered feel like the strongest, yet the sweetest liquor he’s ever tasted. He is drunk on the love you offer; he’s drunk on your touch, your smile and everything you want to give him. You’re driving him nuts, completely nuts, but it’s the only thing he wants to feel. You are the only one he yearns to feel.

You seem to sense his burning gaze and start nibbling on your bottom lip. “So this is the part where you kiss me…”

“This is the part where I kiss you…”

You shake your head. “This feels weird. You’re my best friend.”

“You kissed me,” Hyunjin reminds you. “It’s not like we’ve never done it before.”

“No, but—” You pause to let yourself breathe. “I kissed you. This is different, I’m not going to survive you kissing me.”

“For the love of God Y/N, just—”

You point at your lips. “And I still have my lipgloss on!”

Hyunjin is caressing your reddening cheek now, trying to destroy the last bit of your defense. “And what’s wrong with that?” he asks softly.

“It’s sticky! Our lips will get stuck and it won’t be romantic.”

“So what do you want to do? Go into your room and wipe it off with a cotton pad or something?”

“Yeah, let’s do—”

Hyunjin doesn’t let you finish as he finally dives in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that set both of you on fire. He hums when he feels your body relax in his hold, allowing him to savor you with so much longing and want. Hyunjin lets his heart take the lead, kissing you harder whenever you tug the ends of his hair and making him putty under your touch. It never feels enough, it feels like he only gets hungrier everytime you return his kiss, the feeling of your lips moving against his almost destroys him.

Nothing is stopping him now, he came back to you and you welcomed him with open arms. Hyunjin leaves one more open mouthed kiss on your lips before pulling away with a loud pop, taking in the sight of you trying to breathe. You slowly meet his eyes with flushed cheeks, eyes mirroring his own and Hyunjin tries to remember every single detail. “God I love you so much,” he hears himself whisper.

You smile, lifting your hand to trace his face delicately. “I love you.”

“Are you mine now?” Hyunjin knows this is childish, but he wants to hear it. He longs to hear it.

Thankfully, you’re willing to play his game tonight. “Only yours.”

“No more mourning over Jung Jaehyun?”

“Jesus Christ, do you need to stoop that low.”

“Yes.” Hyunjin pecks your nose. “He doesn’t listen to K-pop, right? Introduce him to me.”

You roll your eyes. “I love you, why the hell are we talking about Jaehyun now?”

“Then what should we talk about?”

“Since we’re on a competition to ruin the mood, lemme burst your bubble: my parents are moving back in next week so we need another place to do... this.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin answers. “What are we gonna do now?”

You wrap your legs around his torso, making him gasp. “I don’t know, kiss me again? I’m gonna tell you this just once, but I, along with thousands of other people, have always wanted to kiss you. It made me feel pathetic, but it is what it is.”

Hyunjin blushes, but refuses to lose to you. “You tried to make me not kiss you a few minutes ago and now you’re desperate to kiss me. Was I that good?”

“Hmmm I guess so,” you hum.

He swiftly lifts your body, grinning when you tighten your hold around his neck. “Well, I’m yours to kiss now,” he teases, trying to walk into room without knocking into things. You leave soft kisses all over his face, prompting Hyunjin to walk faster so he could just kiss you already.

When your back hit your bed, Hyunjin stops to admire your face. “I kissed you a long time ago, don’t you remember?”

Your eyes widen. “You? Kissed me? With those plush lips? When?!”

“You don’t remember? But it was our first kiss!”

You spend the next few minutes racking your brain before nodding. “Ah, it did happen a long time ago.”

“It’s okay, maybe you wanted to forget that moment. It was your darkest time, and I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

Shaking your head, you run your thumb along his lip. “Thank you for staying with me all these years.”

Hyunjin closes the gap between you once again, hoping to chase away all the sorrow inside your soul. You pull him closer, making him practically lying on top of you, feeling your chest rise with each touch of his lips on your skin. “Thank you,” a kiss on each of your eye, “for,” a kiss on the tip of your nose, “making me,” a kiss on your lips—this time he lets it linger, “dream,” a kiss on your chin, “again,” and a kiss on your neck.

It took Hyunjin so long to understand the world, and now he still hasn’t understood even half of it. But in the middle of his journey, he met you. He learned to dream, he learned to love you.

And he learned to love himself.

The door opens with a bang, revealing an incredibly panicked Hyunjin. He just finished training when he received a call from you, who said nothing but, “I won’t let you walk home alone.” You wouldn’t end the call throughout his way home, but refused to say anything else and almost making Hyunjin dash to the police station.

Hyunjin sees your shadow, letting out a small scream when he spots you lying on the floor in the dark. He runs to you, about to carry you back into your room when you stop him. “I feel like crying,” you rasp, choking on your saliva. “I can’t stop it.”

It’s been a month since your family left, and while you’re trying your best to be a big girl and live the way you always do, it’s not easy. Hyunjin lies beside you, eyes locked on the tears rolling down your cheeks. You never cry loudly. You never sob nor wail. You just cry silently, mostly in the dark so you can’t see yourself crying.

Hyunjin takes your hand in his, hovering over you before tracing your tears with his lips as if it can stop them. He pecks every wet spot, slowly getting to your lips. He leaves a chaste, barely-there kiss before wrapping his arms around you, whispering comforting things until you start falling asleep on the hard floor.

Hyunjin hopes you’ll allow yourself to cry however you wish to someday.

a/n: i was so happy writing this that i almost cried when i finished because i know i’m going to miss writing this one. this story feels so sentimental, happy and sad at the same time and probably that’s why i feel so attached to it. ive wanted to write this since last year, even before “give my heart a chance”. i always wondered what would happen after we reach our dreams and i hope you’ll feel a little better after reading this (especially if you’re experiencing the same thing). this story is a long journey, but i hope you’ll enjoy it.

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thecosmicjackalope · 4 years

Text

It’s probably not gonna happen but you know what would be amazing for next episode?

Kiteman leaves without saying anything to Harley or Ivy, who are then left comforting each other about the situation. Both feel like pieces of shit and both are confused about how to move on. Days pass. Weeks pass. As the city rebuilds itself, Kiteman is nowhere to be found and there’s a wall between Harley and Ivy. Everything between them is awkward now because Harley still wants to pursue Ivy but Ivy is riddled with guilt and is still confused about her feelings for Harley and for Kiteman. The crew suffers through the tension, moving between helping them get through their shit and trying to find Kiteman. Ivy wants to find him and so does Harley, but there is still an undercurrent of jealousy from Harley because Ivy’s focused on finding Kiteman and won’t even talk to her about the future and “what happens now.”

During all this, Gotham’s abuzz with gossip about what they have seen and everyone’s taking sides (like how we all are in the comments sections). There’s a good portion of the population that are hounding Harley and Ivy about their “new relationship”, some people are spitting on Harley and calling her a home wrecker (especially Kiteman’s parents, which would kind of be a nice little way to nod at the fact that despite being assholes they do still stand by him), Ivy has people who are talking about how glad they are that she’s dumped “that loser” which fills her with even more guilt, and everyone is laughing about Kiteman, with some wondering about where he is.

The scene shifts and we find Kiteman out of his costume, grounded, without his kite, blending in with everyone around him and succeeding because no one sans Ivy has seen him without his get up. He wanders from place to place, never really going anywhere, sometimes dropping by old spots where he and Ivy had some moments together. He’s not eating, he’s sleeping too much, living like he’s already dead. He walks by a wedding venue and sees the happy couple kiss and look into each other’s eyes lovingly.

He forces himself to look away.

Eventually he wanders into THE PIT or somewhere nearby, feeling low as dirt, lost, confused. He still hasn’t said a line since the episode started. He’s hanging out in the wreckage and the waste, he sees a kite, or perhaps a little harlequin doll, or something that reminds him of what he’s lost. And he snaps, and starts stomping on it and having a breakdown when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns to see that it’s Bane. Expecting Bane to attack him or do worse, Kiteman - or, “just Chuck” at this point - welcomes death. Bane refuses. In fact, he sits down with Kiteman and the camera and the audio pans and fades away respectively as they begin to have a long honest talk.

Back in the city of Gotham, Harley and Ivy have one big argument with a lot of their ugliest feelings bubbling up to the surface and bursting out. Very harsh words are exchanged. They separate, leaving behind the crew, lost, confused and hurt that three people they care about are suffering so much. Ivy goes to be alone in a place she loves, maybe an old greenhouse. Harley goes to a carnival or maybe some batting cages to practice her swing. Each of them respectively are confronted by different people who have something to say - Ivy is approached by Catwoman who “had a feeing she’d be at her usual spot” and Harley is confronted by Batgirl and Batman. They all talk.

Batman talks to Harley about relationships and responsibility and knowing what you want and listening to other people, going off of his own failed romances with Talia and Catwoman respectively, possibly even acknowledging a budding relationship with Wonder Woman or Superman (or both, as, in a hilarious twist, their incident with Ivy’s pheromones lead to them questioning their relationships with each other and trying to be a poly throuple). Batman closes the convo off with saying that Harley has to face the music for the people she’s hurt, but also says that he’ll be happy to see her with someone who treats her right and encourages her to listen to her heart. Harley admits that she feel like she doesn’t deserve love and Batgirl argues that yes she does. She thanks Harley for some of her good deeds, and especially for inspiring her to stand up for the person she loves (her dad) and be his hero, the hero that Gotham needed, while Batman was out. And she closes her end of the conversation by telling Harley that no matter what she chooses, she will stand by her decision. Harley smiles and hugs her, and humorously, Batman gets dragged into the hug and hates the whole experience.

In their own space, Catwoman and Ivy talk. Ivy vents to Catwoman about everything that’s gone down and all of her feelings and guilt and confusion about it, and for once, Catwoman listens, without fuss, without sarcasm, without a word at all. When Ivy admits that she thinks it’s over between them and that maybe it was doomed from the start, Catwoman talks about her romance with Batman, how she always expected it to be doomed, caused it to self destruct and how very deeply she regrets that she let him get away and didn’t try to actually fix the problems in their relationship. She admits that she’s lonely and that she lives her life alone and that she enjoys it, but that it doesn’t come without problems. It comes with regrets. It comes with emptiness. It comes with too heavy a price sometimes. And she encourages Ivy, in her own aloof, standoffish way, that if Ivy really feels like she has something special with Kiteman and Harley, she should pursue it. She should be honest with her feelings about both.

So Ivy and Harley run into each other, and they apologize and tell each other what they want. Harley wants Ivy, and also to take responsibility for how she did Kiteman dirty and wants to mend her friendship with him. Ivy admits she loves Harley and Kiteman both and wants to talk to them both to see if they can all pursue something together, namely, if Ivy is romantically with both, and if Kiteman and Harley are okay with that.

But first they have to apologize and take responsibility for what they’ve done.

At that moment, Kiteman enters the doorway. He’s wearing his uniform, he’s got his things. Ivy and Harley are relieved to see him, but somethings wrong. They can tell something is wrong. He walks past Harley like she’s not even there and he talks to Ivy and tells her that he’s leaving Gotham for another city, somewhere where he can start over, somewhere with lots of wind to soar majestically or something or other. Ivy asks him why and he finally finally lets out all his hurt feelings. Without yelling or raising his voice, he calls her out on all her bullshit, stating that if she had just respected and loved him enough to be honest, they could have worked through it. But she didn’t. And to him, that was unforgivable. He says something along the lines of “ive been a joke to everyone around me since the day I was born. But I thought, for once, I found someone who saw me for who and what I really was. A person. When I met you, I finally thought I found my match, my partner in crime who I could spend the rest of my life with, who would be with me no matter what. But I was wrong. In the end.... I was just a joke to you too.”

Ivy is hurt by this and tries to apologize but Kiteman says he’s made up his mind and he just came by for closure and to give her a proper goodbye. Harley tries to apologize, Kiteman ignores her but does tell the others he’s out of the crew and flies off.

He takes one last look behind him, but he doesn’t look at Ivy. He looks at Harley, not with hate, or anger, but bitter disappointment and betrayal. And it’s at this point that Harley truly realizes what she’s done.

Since You’ve Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson, aka Harley and Ivy’s trademark wedding song request, starts playing in the background as a sequence starts to play. Ivy and Harley drift apart. The rest of the crew - Frank, KS, Clayface and Sy - all struggle with the loss of Kiteman. If Harley was the brains of the group, Kiteman was the heart, and without him everything feels colder. Life in Gotham goes on. Villains fight heroes. People rebuild. College kids graduate, and Joker and his new girlfriend witness the kids perform at a school play, with all of his goons in the audience cheering them on. Bane continues helping others. Nora, Jennifer and Catwoman pay their respects to Dr Frieze and leave flowers on his grave before going out to dinner together as friends (and yes, they all have Cobb Squad tattoos on their arms). Riddler still does his riddles but has started teaching a class for cardio at a local gym and is deeply enjoying it. The only job Dr Psycho can get is running and operating a Ferris wheel ride at the local carnival, which, ironically, he’s good at and he actually kind of enjoys, if only because it’s easy money. He watches as a short little girl JUST misses the height test...and uses his powers to alter the sign so she can ride, just so she doesn’t know the crushing disappointment he felt when he was a kid. (Humorously, When she inevitably falls off the Ferris wheel later, he casually catches her with his powers and sets her back down on the ground without even looking up from the porn mag he’s browsing.) Batgirl and Gordon play videogames together until something comes onto the police radio, after which they race to the roof to meet Damien and Batman waiting for them in a jet. Damien shows a flicker of jealousy towards Barbara, but there’s clear implication that the two will form a strong sibling like bond. Batman smiles at Gordon and Gordon smiles at Batman.

Gotham rebuilds. Life goes on.

But in the very last scene, as the song comes to a close, the crew disbands, and Harley and Ivy separate, with heavy hearts and too much baggage between them for anything, even their friendship. King Shark goes back to the ocean, ready to throw himself into his loveless marriage. Clayface leaves for Hollywood, ever hopeful that maybe someday he can become a true thespian. Ivy takes Frank and Harley takes Sy. As Ivy and Frank look on with teary eyes, Harley gets into her car and drives off into the sunset, and leaves Gotham city limits while crying her heart out.

And that’s how the season ends.

#the harley quinn show #harley quinn #poison ivy #kiteman #spoilers #headcanons #harley quinn show

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saang · 4 years

Text

inspired by a convo with @rllyjohnrlly,, pretty angsty, kinda long.. sorry in advance folks

rain or shine (i don’t feel a thing)

word count: 3000

read on ao3

“Toph! No!” Aang screamed. The words ripped through his chest, it hurt. She was already in Koh’s grasp. Forcing himself, Aang’s face turned to stone as he watched the love of his life being ripped away from him. He felt something deep within himself, within his soul. A feeling of dreaded familiarity. This, Koh, had happened before.

“Well, Avatar, it seems as though we have a pattern,” Koh said. Toph’s lips were moving, her voice wasn’t there. “You always seem to lose the love of your life to me.”

Aang hated whatever he was feeling, whatever feeling he couldn’t express. Toph, Koh, was staring deep into his eyes. Aang didn’t think he trusted the words coming out of his mouth, but still, he spoke. “I’ll be leaving now.”

“Leaving so soon? You just got here.”

“Yes,” Aang turned around and left. He got as far from Koh as he could. He ran until he was back in the real world. Face to face with his friends.

“Aang!” Sokka sounded so relieved. It was sad, knowing what Aang had to tell them.

“Where’s Toph?” Katara asked. “Did something happen to her?”

“Koh found us. It’s pure luck that even one of us got out alive,” Aang said, void of emotion. No anger, no sadness, just vacancy.

“Alive? What are you talking about?”

“Koh stole Toph’s face. She’s gone,” Aang said simply. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I need to go to Gaoling.”

Aang didn’t know how he was keeping his composure, with everything that had just happened. He feared he would’ve broken down right in front of Koh. Aang presumed this is what Kuruk must’ve felt like when Ummi was taken. When he thought of them, the horrible sense of familiarity resurfaced.

Aang took a deep breath before climbing onto Appa. “Gaoling buddy. We’ve got some people to disappoint.”

The ride there was silent. The wind rushed through Aang’s ears. Nothing felt the same without Toph by his side. It felt empty, boring, grey. The landscape looked like it was drained of colour. He came up to a house, their symbol a flying boar. Aang walked up to their door and worked up enough courage to knock.

“Hello?” Poppy said. “Oh, the Avatar, please come in!”

“You might want to sit down for this. I come bearing tragic news,” at Aang’s words, Poppy rushed to get her husband. Aang clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. When they were all sat down, Aang broke the news to them. “I really don’t know how to say this. Toph is gone. She knew the risks of entering the spirit world. We were faced with a horrible opponent. She sacrificed her life to save me.”

“What?” Lao asked. It was barely a whisper. “She’s dead? My daughter is dead?”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“You don’t get to be sorry! My daughter is dead because of you!”

“Lao, please don’t be brash. I’m sure he never wanted any of this to happen!”

“I didn’t,” Aang confessed. “I truly loved your daughter. The next time we visited I was going to ask for her hand in marriage. I wanted nothing but the best for Toph.”

“And yet, you're the reason she’s dead!” Lao yelled. “Get out of my house! I never want to see your face again!”

Aang politely stood up and left. He softly closed the front door on his way out. It hurt more knowing that Lao was right, it was his fault. The next stop was the Fire Nation palace, or maybe a letter would suffice. Aang knew he could handle a letter, he didn’t know if he could handle telling Zuko in person. He could also send one to Suki, not have to see the tears of another person when he couldn’t muster up the courage for his own.

—

Aang spent the next few days in the Southern Air Temple. All his time was spent sleeping or staring up at the ceiling. He hoped that he would somehow wake up with Toph next to him. He hoped that this was just some elaborate dream that he’d wake up from. Each time he opened his eyes he was reminded that his new reality would be without Toph.

Aang knew it probably wasn’t healthy that he was isolating himself from the world, from his friends. He just didn’t understand how a life without Toph was a life worth living. He had letters from Katara and Sokka, he dreaded opening them. He knew he should, but he also knew it would hurt.

He opened the letter from Sokka first. It detailed a funeral. He doubted Lao and Poppy wanted him there. He would honour Toph’s memory, he’d show up. It would be his first public outing since her death. He opened Katara’s next, it was a letter asking if he was okay. Aang was sure that she already knew the answer, but it was a nice sentiment.

The days leading up to the funeral blended together. Aang wasn’t sure he even knew his own name. He was numb to any and all emotions. Deep down he was terribly scared, he wouldn’t let himself accept it of course. He was terrified of how his life would change without Toph, he was scared to show emotion, in case, somehow, Koh was watching.

The funeral was a blur, Aang was thankful it was over. He didn’t know how many pitied smiles or meaningless condolences he could take. He was back in the Southern Air Temple before he could really process what had happened.

“Aang?” For a moment, if he didn’t pay quite enough attention, he could’ve mistaken it for Toph. It was Katara. She walked down the halls before reaching Aang. “Hey, how are you?”

“I’m fine,” Aang replied automatically.

“We both know that’s not true,” Katara tried to console Aang, but it didn’t really matter. There was nothing anybody could do to help. The only thing that would help was getting Toph back, and that would be quite the impossible feat.

“Really, I’m okay.” Aang tried to smile, but it didn’t work. It was like he didn’t know how. Katara looked at her friend. It was so unlike him to not express his emotions. She didn’t know what had happened in the spirit world. They went up against Koh, Toph had paid the ultimate price, she knew nothing beyond that. It must’ve been atrocious if it left Aang in such a state.

“What’s wrong?” Katara asked. It was pained, Aang could hear it, but all he could muster up was a shrug. Katara let out a sad sigh and brought Aang into a hug. He hugged back, more out of habit than anything else. Katara left a little while after that, no doubt thinking that Aang was broken. Aang couldn’t help but agree.

He dreamt of Toph that night. Her smile, her laugh, her voice, her eyes. The way her skin was calloused and yet soft like silk. The way her hair would tickle Aang’s nose when they cuddled. The way her hum would reverberate through his chest when her head laid there. The way she would make him feel butterflies in his stomach with even the smallest of smiles. It hurt, knowing he’d wake up, but he had a job to do. He was the Avatar, and if Toph would’ve wanted one thing, it would be that Aang carried on making the world a better place.

People would ask him for help and he would oblige. He helped those in need, it was in the job description of being the Avatar. Although, everyone who met him after Toph’s passing always said the same thing. He seemed vacant. He seemed like a part of him was missing. He silently agreed with every single one of them. A part of him was missing, Toph, and it was a part of himself he would never get back.

Aang did his duty as Avatar, people knew better than to mention Toph. He kept the peace, he made arrangements. He didn’t seem sad, exactly. He just seemed empty. Empty and numb. He took down bad people and he saved people from earthquakes and fires. He did what he had to do as the Avatar. He just did it without emotion.

—

Aang knew it was a mistake, that he shouldn’t have gone there, but he did anyway. He hoped that he would just be able to hear her voice one last time. He’d gone years without hearing it, he had it committed to memory, but memories tended to fade over time. He wanted something, anything. Suffice to say, Aang was desperate.

It was the first place he ever saw her, the first place he heard her laugh, he was at the Swamp. In the Swamp, time didn’t exist. People saw those whom they loved, those whom they lost, and this they had yet to meet. Toph was in two-thirds of those categories, so Aang hoped he’d hear her, see her one last time.

Each step Aang took reverberated throughout his body. Each step Aang took showed him the world in a way he longed to forget; the way Toph would have seen it; if she were still alive. Aang, for once, allowed himself to think about her, think about their past. He thought about how he was the only one she taught to see how she saw, and how it had saved his life too many times to count. If only he’d been able to save her.

He remembered how it felt to hear her laugh the first time. He remembered the excitement he felt when he actually met her in that arena. He remembered falling in love with her. He remembered the stolen kisses and the soft touches. He remembered the late nights they would lay outside and he would try to explain colours and stars. He remembered how her hand just seemed to fit in his. He remembered how it felt when he said he loved her for the first time, and she said it back. He remembered the moment where he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

He was so caught up in reliving his life, he didn’t feel his knees give out under him or the tears streaming down his face. He didn’t notice the air going still. The thunder above him. The ground trembling beneath his touch. His skin was burning but he didn’t care. The dark clouds blocked out the sun. His arrows glowed faintly, all of the emotions he kept locked away all coming out at once.

The rain and tears mixed, the thunderous roars complemented the rumbling of the earth. The air was so hot, so humid Aang could barely breathe. If Aang was being honest with himself, he didn’t know if he really wanted to breathe anyway. His mind was in shambles, he couldn’t think. Whenever he tried to get a hold of his emotions, calm down a little, he’d remember how scared she looked in Koh’s grasp.

In a moment of desperation, Aang uttered a single word, a single syllable, a single name. “Toph.” it was quiet and gravelly. It hurt to say, to remember, to feel. At that moment, it could’ve been labelled insanity, but he heard it. He heard that heavenly sound. Aang heard Toph’s laugh.

For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt happy. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine she was right there beside him, that nothing had happened to her. He could pretend they were happy and in love. It all crashed down around him when she turned around. She had no face, Koh still haunted him. His waking life and his dreams.

Toph’s laugh grew deeper. It morphed into a laugh Aang never wanted to hear again. He stood up straight. He wiped away his tears. He was reminded of why he couldn’t feel. He was reminded of why he didn’t smile, or laugh, or cry anymore. He was reminded of all that had been taken from him.

“Koh,” Aang said simply.

“Avatar Aang, Are you here to complete the matching set?” Koh asked, his voice smooth and condescending.

“You will never get my face. You will never complete your matching set, as you’ve called it. You already took Toph away from me, you don’t get my face,” Aang met the words with malice, but his voice and face showed no sign of it.

“Is that so, Avatar?” Koh asked, seemingly innocent and naive, but Aang knew it was a ploy.

“Yes, and will that be all, or do you want to strike up another conversation?”

“I guess that will be all.” Koh leaned closer to Aang. His breath was hot on Aang’s neck, and yet Aang’s face didn't move. “But know this, I will get your face.”

“No, Koh, you won’t. I won’t let you,” Aang left the swamp. His feet carried him into the nearest town. He bought a hat to cover up his arrows. The last thing he wanted was to be recognized. Aang’s life went on. He saved people, he smoothed over conflicts, he was the avatar.

—

Aang died during his sleep, it wasn’t a painful death according to the medics. The world would get a new Avatar. They would be a waterbender and hopefully, they would be better than Aang. Aang looked towards the horizon, he was in the spirit world. He could tell. Maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to find Koh, get Toph back. Kuruk did it, Aang thought that it was at least worth a shot. Koh had her, he’d find him and they would be reunited. Somehow, in some way. Aang just couldn’t lose hope.

Aang stood up and brushed himself off. There was a lot of ground to cover looking for Toph, he should start early. He took in the sights of the spirit world. It was gorgeous. The plant life, how the sun shone, the animals. It was all so beautiful. For the first time in a long long time, he allowed himself to smile.

“Avatar Aang,” the voice wasn’t Koh’s, but it was still familiar. Kuruk.

“Avatar Kuruk,” Aang replied. Kuruk still had the animal skin hat and the spear. Aang presumed was also still looking for Ummi. It was something they had in common now. Looking for the love of their lives who were stolen by Koh.

“Why are you here?” Kuruk asked, his brows furrowing.

“Koh took the love of my life’s face, I’m here to get it back,” Aang said definitively.

“As am I. What if we were to look for Koh together?”

“It would be nice to have someone that understands what I’m going through,” Aang let out a dry laugh.

“It would,” Kuruk said sadly. “May I tell you a story?”

“Of course,” Aang replied immediately. Kuruk dived into the story of his life. He spared no detail. It was nice to be distracted from something. Aang was glad to have someone else that knew he didn’t want to be thinking about the pain and the sorrow of his unimaginable loss. Toph would’ve known what he needed, but he decided not to dwell on that thought.

Kuruk got to the point of the story where he met Ummi. He talked about her so animately. It was sweet that he spent more time describing her smile than he did on the actual storyline. Aang couldn’t blame him, he’d do the same talking about Toph. Aang smiled, it hurt. He hadn’t smiled, really smiled, in so long. It was nice though.

“And what about your story?” Kuruk asked after he finished.

“Well, the story really began when I was woken up by two siblings from the southern water tribe,” Aang started. He recalled his adventures defeating the Fire Lord. Making friends. Meeting Toph.

“Bonzu Pippinpaddleopsocopolis? Kuzon Fire?” Kuruk asked, laughing.

“Bonzu Pippinpaddleopsocopilis the Third, actually,” Aang laughed along with Kuruk. It sounded weird, laughing. He had forgotten what it sounded like. He was glad he had somebody that understood him again. Someone that knew what it was like.

—

“Everybody welcome: the new Avatar. Korra of the Southern Water Tribe.” Cheers rang out amongst the audience. It had been six years since Aang’s death. They had found the Avatar early when she had performed a firebending move. The young Avatar looked towards the cheering crowd and smiled. For a second it felt wrong to do, but she ignored that feeling and it went away quickly.

She mingled and met officials and revelled in the attention. She met so many nice people, but her favourite had to be her waterbending instructor, Katara.

“What was the last Avatar like?” Korra asked. She couldn’t help being curious.

“Well, he was a really good friend of mine actually,” Katara replied, her eyes were misty thinking about all of the friends she’d lost.

“Really?”

“Yeah, but something happened to him,” Katara said solemnly. “And he was never quite the same after that.”

“What happened?”

“He lost the love of his life, she passed away.”

“What was her name?”

“Her name was Toph. We had a joke that it rhymed with tough. She was one of the strongest people I ever knew,” Katara smiled faintly, remembering all of the antics they got up to in their youth. “After Aang lost her, it was like he lost a part of himself. He did amazing things for the world, for the people, but it cost him a great price.”

“The love of his life,” Korra was smart and talented for a six year old, it was nice. Katara hoped that she would be able to stay so strong. She hoped nothing happened to her like it had happened to Aang.

“That,” Katara started. She thought about all the jokes Sokka cracked that wouldn’t receive a laugh. All the angry officials that wouldn’t get Aang’s frustration or resignation. All the tragic stories that wouldn’t get a tear. “And his humanity.”

#and then aang woke up and it was all a dream #''haha youll nevr guess the dream i just had toph! it was crazy!''#atla #taang #angst #koh #kuruk #ummi #avatar: the last airbender #korra #taang fanfiction

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meggannn · 4 years

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the Into the Spiderverse #QuarantineWatchParty on twitter yesterday revealed a lot of neat stuff about the film. a lot of the creative team (directors, writers, producers, composer, editors, animators, and Shameik Moore) participated.

there were also a few tidbits about the sequel I found interesting. no plot stuff was revealed, but I found confirmation that certain names that are back on the team, which I found reassuring (especially since I am a little wary of Joaquim Dos Santos being on the sequel, but that’s just me)

behind-the-scenes ITSV

Co-Producer Chris Miller: “We pitched the Sony brass an ambitious tag involving Spider-Ham, Tobey [Maguire], Andrew [Garfield], and Tom [Holland]. They felt it was “too soon””

the Spider-Verse edit suite (during the final crunch weeks)

ITSV stuff:

Visual effects/computer graphics supervisor Michael Lasker: “We built about 140 uniques buildings for Manhattan and Brooklyn, and every building had a night and day variation. We build skyscrapers, residential, modern, industrial, pretty much anything you'd find in New York!”

Co-Director/Scriptwriter Rodney Rothman: “We recorded Shameik Moore singing "Familia" too. The movie almost opened with that.”

Peter Parker would order a latte from Foam Party “and that's what we love and hate about him.”

Co-Producer/Scriptwriter Phil Lord: “[Miles’s science teacher] is based on my cousin @ceciliacallero5 who is very funny and inspiring science teacher.”

“Pine recorded a lot of very silly ad libs with us in London and I will never forget him for it.”

During the death scene, Chris Pine had to “lay down on the ground for a few minutes because he was breathing so heavily. He got light headed.”

Associate Editor on ITSV/Film Editor on ITSV2 Andy Leviton: “An early version had Miles breaking the USB on the train tracks.”

Phil Lord: “The movie started with this scene [introduction of Peter B. Parker] at one point. at the end of the opening sequence. And we zapped Peter B we went to Sunflower.”

Other ideas for animals that Peter B would be crying over (instead of seahorses) included albatrosses and gibbons

Doc Ock’s desktop was based on Phil Lord’s desktop

Michael Lasker: “Doc Ock's villain costume was the most complex outfit that we created. Her tentacles have fx wire geometry published on a per shot basis, and her suit has subsurface scattering, chrome and other metals and translucent materials.”

“Turning Doc Ock into a woman was a Bob Persichetti idea. He and Katherine Hahn are friends through their kids. In earlier drafts she was a Big Lebowski type dude.”

“A whole lot of really good stuff in the movie came from the comics” (this image he shared is from the Spider-Men mini-series, where Peter meets Miles)

Andy Leviton: “We often ask all actors to give us some efforts (such as laughs, yells) whether we need them or not at the time. We asked Nic Cage to laugh. He gave us a small one. Then we said, make it bigger. HE WENT FULL CAGE! The most insane laugh I have ever heard. Sadly, Not in the movie.“

John Mulaney improvised an entire Spider-Ham theme song called “Spider-Ham, the most handsome Spider-Man.” Andy Leviton said on Twitter that he would try to look for the theme song to share it. He also confirmed that everything John Mulaney said in this interview with Jimmy Fallon is correct and not made up.

Rodney Rothman: “There was a moment Mahershala Ali didn't want to perform the death scene again -- the way he explained that to us taught me a lot about how to handle oneself at work. He is an amazing performer and person.”

Tom Rothman (Chairman of Sony Pictures) was behind the scene with Jefferson at the door speaking to Miles. originally it was going to be Aunt May but then Tom basically said "you guys are dumb."

Chris Miller: “Whether Spider-Ham was allowed to say that legally was a real question for several months but thankfully we have a good relationship with our friends at Warner Bros.”

Phil Lord: “There were many versions of Gwen's goodbye where she and Miles kissed. None of them felt right. This [ending] is so much better”

Phil Lord: “Directors felt really strongly that Miles needed his own one on one with Kingpin after everyone left... and they were really right”

Chris Miller: “On the last day of animation I forced Josh Beverage to reanimate the Kingpin punch of Miles with only one hand because the two handed punch killed Peter”

Chris Miller: “This final Miles V.O. Was a real 6-person team effort written during the final mix by the directors, Phil, me, and editor Bob Fisher. It was the last piece of dialogue written and recorded for the film”

Rodney Rothman: “My 4-year-old was really upset Peter B. Parker never got to eat a bagel and he made me storyboard a post-credits scene where he got to eat one at home, it's in my sons room and it really should'vee been in the damn movie”

behind-the-scenes ITSV stuff

The team was inspired by Japanese contemporary artist Yayoi Kusama’s work

Composer Daniel Pemberton, Dec 2019: “Last month I went back [to Sony Animation Studios] for the first time since finishing #Spiderverse. The whole building was now covered head to toe in everything spiderverse. It was genuinely quite a moving moment for me...” (Megan note: I happen to have a wonderful friend who works at Sony Pictures and showed me pictures of these cut-outs a few months ago, and now that someone “official” has shared them, I think everyone should see them because they’re delightful)

behind the scenes photos from Rodney Rothman one / two / three / four / five. One interesting photo:

Rodney Rothman shared a lot of photos, one of them a text convo with Phil Lord when they were back in production stages

stuff about ITSV2

Phil Lord is working on the sequel. in what capacity, he didn’t say, but presumably a producer. Producer Chris Miller is also apparently returning in some capacity but I couldn’t find hard confirmation; it’s probably a good bet he will also be a producer, since they are a creative team. On the sequel Lord said on May 6 2020: “worked on it all day yesterday and had a ball. Watching this got me pumped for all the surprises in store for 2022″

Michael Schroeder, who animated the opening logo for ITSV1 and also did the ITSV2 announcement animation, is also working on the sequel, apparently on and off. Someone asked if he was going to [do] a similar variant to the first film’s opening logos for ITSV2 and he said “I believe so”

Japanese Spider-Man will be in the sequel, or at the very least, he has been designed (I know that’s an old link but it was news to me!)

#into the spiderverse #spiderverse stuff

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beshert-bh · 4 years

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My journey to/with Judaism

***This is a super long post, it’s the FULL story, not a brief overview, but it would mean the WORLD to me if you read it***

Upbringing: very much Not Jewish™️

I was born into a Catholic family. I have a goyish last name. I was baptized as an infant, and my parents took me to church each week as a kid.

In kindergarten — back when I still went to a secular private school — one of my best friends was Jewish. He told me all about the traditions his family did...told me all about the kippahs they wear, and how they had their own game called dreidel for this holiday they celebrated, called Hanukkah. (Of course this convo was at a basic-kindergarten-level of knowledge.) When I came home from school I was fascinated with Hanukkah, (this is cringey to admit but my 5-year-old self tried to integrate the traditions together and so in order to do this I drew up a “Christmas dreidel” complete with Santa Claus’ face on one side, a present on another side...you get it)

And that is when I was promptly put in “parochial” schools. I went to Catholic school from 1st grade to 12th grade. I went through Holy Communion and Confirmation like all the other kids did. My elementary soccer team’s mascot was an Angel. My high school’s mascot was a Crusader. Our high school was located on Rome Avenue. I went to a Catholic youth conference. I considered becoming a nun because I was single all throughout high school.

Growing up, around Christmastime we would always travel to visit my grandma, and she would always say we’re “German Jewish” — but I would write her off. In my mind, I was like, Yeah ok like 1%? .....It felt like my grandma was acting like one of those white people who takes a DNA test and says, “Look! We’re 1% African!” So I would dismiss her and remind her how we’re Catholics and she would drop the subject.

Falling away from Xtianity: my first 2 years of college

My freshman year I changed — politically — as I was only conservative in high school because of the ‘pro-life’ agenda being shoved down my throat. I really aligned more with liberal and leftist policies and views, though. Once I became open to new political ideology, I began to question my theological beliefs.

I always had a strong connection to God. My whole life. But I struggled with connecting to Jesus, Mary, the saints, and so on. So obviously my freshman year of college I began to fall away from Catholicism.

You see, Catholics are “bad at the Bible” as I like to say. Other Christians do a better job of teaching and analyzing the writings. They actually require school-aged children to memorize Scripture passages. Catholics mostly just teach the same stuff over and over. Jesus, Mary, Joseph, blah blah blah. Catechism, liturgical calendar, blah blah blah. Parts of the mass, fruits of the spirit, blah blah blah.

So since I was already doubting Catholicism, its corrupt leadership, and its mindless traditions.... I thought maaaaybeeee I would find purpose, truth, clarity, etc. in plain-old Christianity. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The other Christian churches I went to baptized people (which is a BIG LIFE DECISION) on the spot. For example if a newcomer felt on a whim that they wanted to be baptized, the church would do it right then & there. No learning, no planning or preparing, that was it. They promoted blind faith and circular thinking. I began to realize these were both normal attitudes and cognitive patterns within any and every Christian community that I encountered.

Even the Christians who exhibited curiosity mostly just asked questions in order to be able to understand, and then accept, the doctrine as truth. Questions never ever challenged anything.

Oh and let’s throw in the fact that I’m bisexual. Homophobia, transphobia, biphobia (and more) are rampant in the church. So needless to say, with all my observations about the lack of logical thinking in the church (and considering my sexual orientation) I fell away. I stopped going to church unless my family made me when I was home from college.

Enter stage right: Judaism

In retrospect I happened to have a lot of friends in my sorority and my favorite fraternity on campus who were Jewish (the frat happened to be a traditionally-Jewish one). Thought nothing of it at the time. Fast forward to junior year when I met this cute guy on Tinder. He’s now my boyfriend and we’ve been dating for over a year. He didn’t tell me this on Tinder, but when we went on our first date, he revealed that he’s Jewish and wanted to make sure that’s something I was ok with. Clearly I had no problem with that. I wasn’t too into Christianity anymore but I still identified as one (and I was still surrounded by Christian friends in my sorority) so I told him I was Christian/raised Catholic and asked hypothetically if he would be comfortable with a “both” family. He said yes.

We started dating during an October, so of course Hanukkah came up soon. There was a mega challah bake at our local Chabad, which he took me to, and we had a blast. From then on I decided I wanted to show him how supportive I was of his Jewishness. (The last girl he dated dumped him after 3 months BECAUSE he was Jewish... so I felt that I needed to be supportive)

We started going to shabbat services and dinner every week. We did Hanukkah together (we bought our first menorah together, he taught me how to spin a dreidel, his mom bought me Hanukkah socks...lol). At some point in our relationship I told him I may have Jewish ancestry from my grandma but it’s distant and my whole extended family is Christian so it really wouldn’t even matter. I don’t remember when I had that conversation with him.

Eventually, after another few months of Shabbat services and Shabbat dinners, Pesach came around.

We went to the first seder together. The second seder is what changed everything.

Deciding to convert

At first I wasn’t sure if I belonged at this second seder. My boyfriend had always brought me to every event. I had never attended anything alone at Chabad before. But I went anyway. Throughout the night I felt increasingly comfortable. I had never felt more like I was a *part of something* than I did at this seder.

I sat near a friend who I recognized. (He knows I’m raised Catholic.) Then he & his friends welcomed me. We all took turns reading from the Haggadah, we drank the four cups of wine together, and we laughed together as I had maror for the first time.

Then the familiar faces left to go home, and one of them even went to another table to sit with his other friends whom he hadn’t had a chance to see yet that night. Naturally I thought I was alone again. I almost left, but something tugged at my heart to stay until the very end of the second seder. Something told me to keep going and keep taking in this wonderful experience.

The rest of the night consisted of many songs (most likely prayers, in retrospect) I did not know. Everyone stood to sing and we all clapped to the rhythm. I knew none of the words but I still clapped along, alone at my own table. Then one of the boys — the one who had been sitting with my friends and I earlier — motioned at me to come over and join his other friends. I approached this new table full of people I’d never met, feeling awkward as ever, and they not only hoisted me up to stand on the table with them as they chanted, but they also included me in their dance circle. (no, I don’t think it was the Hora, we just spun around over and over. lol.)

This was the first night I felt at home with Judaism. Going through the Jewish history with the Haggadah, remembering the important occurrences and symbolizing them with various foods, ending the night by being welcomed into the community... it was transformative. After attending shabbat services for months and learning about Jewish values, it changed something in me when I observed Pesach for the first time last year. I knew this path would be right for me. I felt as if my soul had found where it belonged. The Jewish history, traditions, beliefs, and customs resonated with me. It all just... made sense.

I told my boyfriend I wanted to convert. I wrote three pages of reasons. But I sat on the idea of converting and did nothing for a while. I did do some more research on Judaism, though, as I continued to attend services each week.

The exploration stage

I began to actually research on my own time. If converting was something I was genuinely considering, it was high time I began actively learning as much as I could possibly learn. It was time to dive deeper than just attending the weekly services and googling the proper greetings for Jewish holidays.

I started digging deeper into Judaism and Christianity so I could compare and contrast the two. I needed to understand the similarities and differences. And BOY are they different. That was surprising at first, but the more I learned about Judaism, the more I loved how different it was from the Christianity I was indoctrinated into.

Not only are the values and teachings of each religion vastly different, but the Tanakh (which is “The Old Testsment” in Christian Bibles) actually contradicts:

The entire “New Testament”

The gospel books specifically

The Pauline letters specifically

How did I realize this? Some bible study of my own, but mostly through online research. And, of course, I would have gotten nowhere without the help of Rabbi Tovia Singer and his YouTube videos. He debunks everything there is to debunk about Christianity.

Here were some things I came across when researching:

It confused me how the four Gospels didn’t align (like, major parts of the story did not align at all...and supposedly they’re divinely inspired...but they don’t even corroborate one another?)

It confused me how the psalms we sang in church were worded completely different from the true wording in the Bible (essentially the Christian church is taking tehillim and altering it to benefit Christian dogma and Christian rhetoric.)

It confused me how we read in the Bible that Jews are ‘God’s chosen people’ and yet in every Catholic Church, every Sunday, there is a Pauline letter being read which depicts proselytization of Jews, as if Jews are lost and need Christians to save them. As if Jews would go to hell if they fail to accept Jesus.

It confused me why we would pray to Mary and the saints, because praying is worship, and worshipping anyone but God themself is idolatry.

It confused me why Christians make, sell, and use graven images. Idolatry. Again.

It confused me why Christians give absolute power to humans. For example, if you crawl up the same steps (Scala Santa) that Jesus supposedly crawled up before he died, you automatically get “saved” because *some old men who have no divine power* said so (they have a term for this and it’s called “plenary indulgence” lol).

It confused me why Jesus was believed to be the messiah considering he had to have biologically been from the line of Joseph. Wasn’t Jesus supposedly conceived without any help from Joseph? Wouldn’t that render Jesus, uh, not messiah by default? Even if he was from Joseph’s blood, he still did not complete all the tasks moshiach is supposed to fulfill. And even if he DID fulfill all the tasks required of moshiach... we still would not worship a messiah as he is human and not GOD.

These were all new thoughts I developed this past year between Pesach and Yom Kippur. New questions that challenged everything I thought I knew. It was like teaching a child 2+2≠22 but rather 2+2=4.

Hillel

This fall, after the High Holy Days, my boyfriend began attending shabbat dinners at a rabbi’s home. His new rav lives in the community and it’s exclusive to be invited, so I never imposed. We do Shabbos separately now (with some exceptions, we do it together sometimes).

I continued to go to Chabad with one of my friends who knew I wanted to convert. But one month, she couldn’t come at all, and I felt a little judged there anyway.

So I began going to Hillel a few months ago. And I honestly have found a home there.

From Hillel’s Springboard Fellow reaching out to me and taking me out for coffee to get to know me... to running into my sorority & fraternity friends at every Hillel event (shabbat or otherwise)... From getting included in various clubs like the women empowerment group and the mental health inclusivity group... to being the only college student to participate in Mitzvah Day (hosted by Hillel) with the elderly and the local Girl Scout troop... I feel truly welcome. I’ve started to attend every week. I even talked briefly with the rabbi about having Jewish lineage and wanting to convert.

Discovering new information

I went home to be with family during Thanksgiving break. My grandma flew in so she was there when I got home. She stayed with us from then until New Years (and she’s actually moving in with us next year.)

Of course, now I have a Jewish boyfriend, Jewish friends, and I’ve done extensive research on Judaism. So this time I had background knowledge when she inevitably said... “You know, we’re German Jewish!”

I inquired a little. I asked her what she meant. How is she Jewish? I know my uncle took a DNA test this year and came back part Ashkenazi. But I needed a deeper explanation than DNA.

She revealed to me that her mom’s mom was Jewish. We believe she married a Christian man. Together they had my great-grandmother, who I believe was Christian. She had my grandma, who had my dad, who had me.

And I immediately felt like that changed things. At first I was (internally) like, Now I definitely need to convert! But then I was like, Wait, does this make me Jewish? Am I Jewish-ish? ...Can you be considered Jewish if you’re only ethnically Jewish but not raised Jewishly? ...Can you be Jewish if your dad is your only Jewish parent? ...Can you be Jewish if your dad never had a bris or a bar mitzvah?

I joined a bunch of Jewbook groups, began learning the Hebrew calendar & holiday schedule, and found some folks who assist with Jewish genealogy. They did some digging for me and apparently I descend from the Rothschild family. THE Rothschild family.

Who is a Jew? Who “counts”?

This is something I’ve been muddling over.

At Hillel, at my school at least, most people are pretty Reform. They’re very liberal with their definitions of Judaism (they believe in patrilineal descent and not only matrilineal descent).

They accept me and see me as actually Jewish ...and the ones who don’t... they at least see me as Jewish-adjacent, an “honorary Jew” or an “ally to the Jewish people”.

My boyfriend, however, still sees me as Not Jewish.™️ (For context he’s Reform but he’s trying to become as observant as possible) I know he only thinks this was because of how we began our relationship and because of how I was raised. But I’m very confused here.

Do I count?

Do I not?

Do I count *enough* but still need to go through a formal conversion process?

So...now what?

I don’t know how to navigate this odd journey but I have felt for a while that I have a Jewish neshama and I feel a strong need to affirm it. I just don’t know how or what is appropriate. Do I learn Hebrew? Sign up for a trip to Israel/Germany/Poland? Put up a mezuzah? Or go toward the other end of the scale, and head down a path of a formal conversion/reaffirmation process?

Thank you in advance for your responses and thanks for reading. 🤎

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pinetasticapple · 4 years

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What if we had known each other first and fallen in love second

Chapter 3: The Bubbler

Also on ao3 and ffnet

To think Paris was going to start getting used to a magical terrorist was something Marinette never would have thought possible, yet here she was, fighting villains straight out of comic books and what not from said magical bad guy.

And it had been only a few weeks since she had accepted her role as Ladybug, wielder of the Ladybug miraculous and the responsibility of saving the city. Not to mention school was getting more and more difficult and tasks were piling up for sure.

The ambience in the classroom had shifted a little. After she had finally stood up to Chloe, it just seemed to have brought good and bad things. Sure, she had now a new friend in Alya who was new to the classroom and had never seen how they were, and the others were moving from classmates to casual conversationalists, but Chloe had gotten, if anything, a little worse to deal with.

Good thing she wasn’t alone on this.

“That patrol wasn’t so bad,” Chat smirked once he landed on the beam Ladybug was currently sitting on, watching the Parisian street lights “but I got nothing on our local supervillain.”

“And how much of that patrol was you actually testing your vaulting off rooftops?” she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Just a 25% percent” Chat grinned.

“Right” she rolled her eyes “I’ll just go easy on you because your birthday is tomorrow.”

Chat beamed.

“Did you get word from your dad about the party?”

His smile dimmed.

“I’ll find out tomorrow but I don’t have my hopes up,” his legs dangled from the beam, clawed fingers gripping the metal as he spoke. Marinette reached out to hold one hand and give a reassuring squeeze. She couldn’t begin to understand the loneliness and sadness Adrien faced day after day with a distant father, but to ignore even his own child’s birthday? It was unforgivable.

Adrien and her had started on a weird but thankful start. Between knowing each other before officially introducing themselves, the misunderstanding of the chewing gum and the sudden job they were both hiding from everyone but them, Marinette found in Adrien a close friend, a confidant, someone she was starting to rely on and knew he was getting there as well.

“Well, rest assured you will get at least a birthday pastry tomorrow,” she offered a small smile “I’ll stick a candle to a croissant if I have to.”

Chat chortled at that.

“Wouldn’t it be better a cupcake or something alike?”

“Well yes, but you seem to have grown fond of croissants” she shrugged and stood up, her yo-yo ready to be thrown “see you tomorrow then?”

“Of course” he bowed “have a good evening my lady.”

Ladybug rolled her eyes again “you are not quitting on that one, aren’t you?”

“Why should I?” Chat pulled out his baton “you’re Ladybug, a lady and royal.”

“I’m not- “

“Oh indulge me, I watched Sailor Moon last night again,” he grinned and jumped away, leaving Ladybug to sigh and smile as she made her way to her room.

Marinette let her transformation dropped and smiled at Tikki. She looked at the nicely wrapped gift on her desk and jumped to her bed to sleep.

The past days her and Adrien had spent at least two to three nights a week getting to know how their powers worked. Since Adrien’s schedule was over the top, late night was the only time they could really get the hang of it.

Besides, akumas were most likely to pop out during the day. It seemed Hawkmoth also needed to sleep every now and then.

In those days Marinette had got to know her partner in “superheroing” as a dork who loved puns, animation and pastries. He was funny, kind and knew how to lighten up the mood for sure. But Marinette had noticed his personality didn’t flourish as much during school time, a little more concealed and proper, as if he was under watch or something alike.

Mostly about his father. Marinette had followed the Agreste line as a fashion inspiration but to know the personal side of Gabriel Agreste? Well, that was something entirely different to what she thought.

She tried not to think about that. Maybe they’d have some luck and Adrien would get to enjoy a good birthday.

Hours later the phone was buzzing and ringing her awake, startling her from her bed onto the floor.

“Ack!” she rubbed her backside and glanced at the phone. Why had she put her alarm so early again?

Wrap croissant, have gift ready, right. Marinette patted her cheeks and got ahead to be ready for the day.

At the same time that morning Adrien was already having what had to be nominated as worst birthday breakfast ever. His mood only soured more when Nathalie told him the birthday party was a no go. What was the point of turning fourteen then?

He kept his frown all the way to school, where at least Nino tried to insist in having the party.

And the thing was, Adrien did want it. He was curious about what they would do unlike the stuffy high class ones he was used to. Would they have dynamic music? What about the food? And the outfits? The more Adrien thought about it the more he really wanted to have this party.

It was all he could think about all day until lunch time arrived.

“You know what? I’m going to have a little convo with your pops,”

Oh that was a bad idea.

“Don’t waste your time” Adrien sighed “he’s not going to change his mind.”

“He said no?”

Adrien turned to see Marinette walking towards them, Alya next to her. She was holding a small bag in front of her.

“Is that…?”

“Happy Birthday Adrien” Marinette smiled and offered the bag to him.

Adrien opened it without hesitation, snorting at the croissant with a single green candle stuck in the middle. He pulled it out and proceed to eat the pastry instead, not withholding the moan of satisfaction from it.

“Thanks Marinette,” he devoured the rest of it “I mean it.”

Marinette gave him a small smile, only to feel her center of gravity shoved as well as the rest of her body thanks to Chloe pushing her to a side. Right, she was still there.

“Happy Birthday Adrien!” Chloe nearly tackled him, leaving a smudge of lipstick on his cheek “did you receive the gift I sent you?”

Marinette withheld from rolling her eyes, especially after Adrien’s apologetic look. Yeah, Marinette couldn’t still stand Chloe but she was Adrien’s childhood friend.

A brat nonetheless but her friend.

It was a good thing Adrien was getting more friends.

“Uh, no?” Adrien would have known. He also knew clear as day Chloe forgot about it. She was never good at keeping track of days. A part of him wanted to peek behind him to confirm Sabrina was probably by the door with the calendar on her phone. He sent Marinette another smile to apologize but Chloe was rambling about getting some delivery guys to give it tonight.

“That was…something,” Alya raised an eyebrow.

“That’s Chloe,” Adrien shrugged as he wiped the rest of crumbs away from his fingers “but anyway, I should get going,” he pulled out his phone with a frown “have a photoshoot.”

“What? But today- “

“Hey, I’ll see you after lunch” Adrien smiled at them and walked towards the car that had just showed up.

“This sucks,” Marinette and Nino said almost at the same time.

“I’m going to speak with Adrien’s old man,”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Marinette looked at him.

“Worth a shot” Nino capped his bubble bottle and smiled at the girls “I’ll let you know of it.”

Marinette had a bad feeling of how that was going to go down. It was then that she remembered she had Adrien’s gift in her bag.

“Ah shoot,” she frowned “Nino! Wait!”

“Yeah?”

“Could you leave this for him?” she pulled out the wrapped gift “I would but I have to go back home now and- “

“No problem dudette!” Nino took it and smiled, making his way to the Agreste mansion.

Adrien sunk on the car seat. The photoshoot didn’t take long but it was still a bummer to work on his birthday. He wondered if he could convince Nino and Marinette of getting a small cake for afternoon classes or something when he finally reached home.

But what he saw at the entrance was definitely a surprise.

Adrien was also surprised Nino was granted an audience, considering how busy his father always seemed to be to even spend a meal with his own son.

“Nino?” Adrien walked towards him, just as Nino continued rambling all of Adrien’s extracurricular activities. His heart warmed, to have a friend willing to face his father, but Gabriel’s stare only downed that emotion, knowing it was futile.

“I decide what’s best for my son,” Adrien heard his icy tone “in fact, I’ve just decided you are a bad influence and you are not welcomed in my house ever again! Leave now!”

Say what now?

Adrien tried to refute but Gabriel had already turned around and left.

“Nino, wait!” he went after his friend, hurt as he looked Nino’s anger turn to a frown and sad then anger again as he left his home.

Adrien wanted to yell. No, he wanted to yell at his father. Call him out of what he had done to one of his friends!

“Adrien, you should head to the dining room for lunch or you’ll be late for your next lessons” Nathalie called after him.

Adrien closed the door and marched to eat what would be a lonely, dull lunch. He pulled out his phone to text Marinette about what had happened, hoping that maybe she would catch up with Nino and help her find a solution to the situation.

He was halfway his meal –which was mostly greens and a slice of bread- when he got a text from her.

Buginette: Might be too late to comfort him

Too late? Adrien tossed the napkin and stood up, noting how quieter his house was.

“Nathalie? Father?” he called out but received no answer.

Oh no, was Nino akumatized? It had to be the only thing that came to Adrien’s mind as he typed an answer to Marinette, only to be startled by the sudden “SURPRISE!” shout in front of him.

“Hey, hey, hey birthday boy!”

Adrien looked up to see a very obvious akuma standing on a bubble calling for his attention. He was dressed in black and red with blue skin and, wait, was that a tank top or an armor? Adrien had to wonder if Hawkmoth knew anything about villain design or if this was the mere subconscious of the victims.

Oh, right. The akumatized victim was talking about a party and had bubbles and…wait the voice was a little familiar.

“Nino!?”

“Let’s get this party started!” the Bubbler jumped to a dj set and started to play a catchy song that had his classmates dancing, but Adrien sneaked back into his home.

Oh this was bad. He knew what he had to do for sure. Nino was his friend and was akumatized because he tried to get a chance from his father.

It didn’t help at all that Plagg was voicing out his deep desire to actually enjoy a birthday party. The little god had a point. When was he ever going to get a chance at a party? When he was 18? That was way too far. Besides, there was no harm to the city, no one was actively in peril.

He could get to enjoy a few minutes, transform, trap the akuma and all would be good!

Adrien went back outside where his classmates were still dancing and decided to mingle in between. The music was swell and no one had to follow a dance routine, so that was already a bonus. But the more he moved around the more he saw the lack of energy in them, as if they weren’t into it.

Suddenly the music turned slower and couples were forming around him.

“Is it me or does everyone seem a bit weird?”

“Forget about them, let’s go dance!” Chloe pulled him to the dance floor, clinging to him as she swayed to the music.

Ladybug jumped to the source of commotion, Adrien’s front yard.

“Huh,” she observed the situation. There was the bubbler at a dj stand while her classmates and friend were slow dancing and, wait a minute, was that?

“What is that cat thinking?” she huffed as she saw Adrien dancing with Chloe. He was here the whole time? With the akuma so close? Marinette frowned when suddenly she saw Chloe leaning forward to kiss Adrien.

Something inside her churned, like if she had eaten something spoiled. She activated her lucky charm, a record falling in her hands. Ladybug looked around her, convoluting a plan to turn around the situation, a hyped music boosting out of the speakers to break everyone apart.

She smiled, only to jump away to a safe place once she heard the beeping from her earrings.

That was a bit too fast for her liking.

Marinette stretched her hands to catch Tikki, offering the small kwami a nervous smile.

“Marinette,” Tikki rubbed her head, throwing Marinette a stare.

“I…don’t know why I did that” Marinette looked back “but I needed to get his attention?”

“Sure, and jealously had nothing to do with it” Tikki crossed her arms.

“Je-jealously?” Marinette blinked “I was not jealous? Of who? Chloe?” Marinette rolled her eyes “what would I even be jealous of?”

Tikki refrained herself from rolling her eyes.

“But, akuma, he’s not going anywhere” Marinette smiled again “we’ll go in, get you some food to replenish and I’ll pull a certain stray cat’s ear to help out.”

She let Tikki back into her bag and sneaked into the party, right towards the snack table to stash some cookies, when she crossed sight with Adrien.

They stared at each other, Adrien smiling nervously as he pointed at the door, with Marinette sighing and following after him. They did need to transform to face the Bubbler after all.

“So, having fun?” Adrien asked once the door was closed.

“Oh I don’t know,” Marinette crossed her arms “what about you?”

Adrien’s shoulders sagged and Marinette couldn’t help but to feel bad. This was, akuma or not, something Adrien had always wanted to try. To have for himself. And yeah, the conditions of how he was having this party weren’t the most ideal but Marinette couldn’t take that away from him.

“I’m sorry Adrien,” she sighed “you deserve to have a party, especially today.”

“That’s what I said” Plagg poked out of Adrien’s shirt, only to be received by a scowl from Tikki “ah…”

“I am not surprised,” Tikki frowned more when a loud scream from outside made them turn to the window, Ivan getting thrown to the air in a green bubble.

“Oh no,” they said at the same time, looking at each other with decision.

“Tikki, spots on!”

“Plagg, claws out!”

They went out from different sides of the house to stop the Bubbler, only to be swallowed by one green one, with the usual litany of handling over their miraculous. The more the Bubbler talked the more Marinette got an idea of why Nino had been akumatized.

“They care for their kids, they love them!”

“Most adults do anyhow” Chat Noir mumbled, earning a soft glance from Ladybug “you must bring the adults back!”

“No, never” Bubbler grinned “know what? Since you care about these adults so much, why don’t you go float with them for a while?”

Next thing they knew; they were tossed high to the sky.

“Use your cataclysm!” Ladybug yelled as they went higher than the top of the Eiffel tower.

“Couldn’t you have said that 500 hundred feet ago?!” Chat Noir stared at her and summoned his magic. He didn’t think much as he slammed his cataclysm on the bubble, both dropping down way too fast for his pleasure.

“Your stick!” Ladybug yelled as she pointed at the Eiffel Tower, the wheels in Chat Noir’s mind running to catch on her plan. It was ingenious!

He threw it hard, the baton slamming into the tower with force. Ladybug grabbed his hand and threw her yo-yo at it, the string twisting around it to create a vaulting pole for them to swing and land on the street.

“Good thing cats aren’t afraid of heights” he smiled just as his ring beeped and Ladybug threw him back the baton “what’s the plan bug?”

“His bubble sort she frowned “that’s got to be where the akuma is”

“Then we better hurry” he nodded and ran back to his home, Ladybug right next to him.

They ran and jumped to the top of Adrien’s gate way where Bubbler was just about to trap the rest of their classmates, when Ladybug called out for his attention.

“Sorry to burst your bubble!”

Chat Noir tried to contain his snort. And to think his partner didn’t like his puns.

They knew how to deal with this now. Even with Bubbler trapping their classmates, Chat Noir knew they were going to save them. The fought drove them to the tower (Chat was not going to comment on how often that was getting to be), when his ring beeped again.

“Lucky charm!” Ladybug shouted as a big wrench fell on her hands.

“Your plumbing skills going to help us out?!” Chat smiled, only to jump away from an exploding bubble. That was fine, he thought, he could act as bait while Ladybug thought of something. He jumped high up the tower, climbing and jumping as more bubbles exploded behind him.

He smiled when he saw Ladybug finally ran towards the ventilation vent, the tube going loose as air started to ran out of it. Chat jumped towards it and clung to it, redirecting the air to blow the bubbles away just as Ladybug caught the bubble sort to break it, the purple butterfly caught in her yo-yo to be purified.

“Pound it!” they fist bumped after the Cure swam around them. Ladybug offered to take Nino back to ground since she still had a minute or two to spare.

“See you tonight for patrol!”

Adrien smiled. At least there was some good things coming for him this day.

He kept on that promise even after he had a lonesome dinner, only to be surprised by Nathalie giving him a present from his father.

“T-thank you!” he couldn’t help but to smile as he unwrapped it, revealing a soft cerulean scarf that felt warm to the touch.

It was nice, comfortable, and as Adrien looked closer it was finely done. He smiled as he wrapped it around his neck.

Adrien kept on waiting until night where he jumped out of the window, cladded in his suit. He had to leave the scarf at home, didn’t want to cause any suspicions to anyone who saw him that night, but when he arrived to their usual spot –a rooftop of an abandoned building- he was surprised to what he saw.

There was Ladybug, finishing with setting up some fairy lights around what seemed to be a tent made out of old blankets. The inside had a few cushions and pillows splayed over a plastic tarp, with a few bowls filled with popcorn, pretzels and cookies, with a couple of thermos right next to them.

“What…”

“Happy birthday!” she clapped her hands together “I know this is not like a big party but I figured you still needed a small celebration, maybe next year we will have a better plan to convince your dad-”

His heart swelled up in his chest. To think she had gone through the trouble of making all of this for him.

“He…actually gave me a gift” Chat said “a scarf, can’t you believe it? He didn’t give me a lame pen.”

Chat looked at her expression and frowned but she was back to smiling that he maybe misread what he had seen.

“That’s wonderful Chat!” she sat on one cushion and patted the one next to him, Chat Noir almost tripping on his feet as he joined her “I’m so glad you liked his present.”

“Thank you,” he wiped his eyes “but this! This is so great bug.”

“Well, you deserve it” Ladybug smiled at him “So! I have some of your favorite anime here to watch,” she pulled out a flash drive and her laptop “or we could watch a movie? Or we could just dance too, whatever you pick.”

“Are you finally going to succumb to watch Sailor Moon with me?”

“Only because it is your birthday,”

Chat laughed and waited for her to start running the first episode, sneaking out a pretzel to nibble on.

Despite everything, this was a good birthday to remember.

#miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #miraculous ladybug fanfic #fanfiction #fan fic

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