#if you want a better more realistic magic boarding school that is about hope and cooperation

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’ve got some friends and my betrothed doing a little book club. It started with one friend and we’d leave a comment in discord with the percent we were at and then our thought under a spoiler. When we read that far we’d go back to read the spoiler and respond. Then their hubby wanted an excuse to read more, and my betrothed heard about it and wanted in.

At which point I slid forward The Scholomance series, which I’d been pressuring my betrothed into starting and so everyone took it up. It’s been like crack. I have always loved this series and my betrothed was like, “This sounds like a horrifying depressing setting why do you like it?”

But now they’re all voraciously consuming it and I’m living my absolute best life. I try not to comment much as I don’t want to color their perception but these books are so fucking good and now I get to share thoughts with several other people who are having a wonderful time.

#ramblies #the scholomance #a deadly education #the last graduate #I’m pacing my rereads to their percentages #but I’m a really fast and voracious reader so I’m finishing several books at once and trying to put off my reread until my betrothed hits #about the 20% mark #everyone’s around 1/2 to 3/4 of the way through the second book so I can read my library books while I wait #every reread I get more out of these books and I don’t generally give recommendations on a broad level cause I like to tailor them #but I feel like most people would enjoy these #if you want a better more realistic magic boarding school that is about hope and cooperation #these are good

[karivem]

Favorite TV Shows & Movies I watched in 2020

In chronological order, divided by month.

J A N U A R Y

Anne with an E Season 3

What a beautiful season! I loved Anne’s character growth and her relationship with Matthew and Marilla. This season had so many interesting storylines and compelling characters. I always love the life lessons and women empowerment this show presents. The romantic aspects of the season and the kiss in that last episode were perfect.

Parasite (2019)

This is a masterpiece. I watched it with my family on cinemas and we all loved it. The acting was great, there was a perfect combination of comedy and drama and the ending was amazing; it was depressing yet very realistic that it hurt my soul.

F E B R U A R Y

Ragnarok Season 1

Never thought I’d like a show about Thor, but this take on norse mythology was amazing to watch. I loved the protagonist and the setting of the show. This is a Norwegian fantasy show and all the actors are very talented. The characters (although weird) were very unique and the ending left me so excited for season 2.

Altered Carbon Season 1

This is not only a show, is an experience. The cast, the setting, the plot and the relationships are fantastic. It has many action scenes I enjoyed, it has mystery and a great protagonist. The world building is so rich and interesting. I love Joel Kinnaman and Martha Higareda, they did an amazing acting job and their chemistry was wonderful. Everything about s1 was so great but, don’t watch s2, it is terrible. You can just watch season 1 as a mini series and be happy.

Jojo Rabbit (2019)

This movie broke my heart but also made me laugh so hard. I love the characters and the actors. The soundtrack was brilliant and the development of the story was so well done. It has many remarkable moments and quotes I loved. I never thought I’d like a movie about the second world war this much but I did. This movie deserves so much more recognition because it is fantastic, one of my all time favorites.

M A R C H

Elite Season 3

Not the best season of the show but it was great. It was one of my most anticipated season premieres and I binge-watched it like crazy. I love the characters and the relationships, I’m so invested in all the stories and the vibe of this show. The new characters were the weakest part of the season but overall there were many amazing moments I loved. Even Kevin McHale made a cameo!! Can’t wait for season 4.

The Chronicles of Narnia trilogy (2005 - 2010)

I watched these movies after reading the book series and I feel in love with the characters. I love the Pevensies so much, Edmund is my favorite but I love them all. The lion the witch and the wardrobe is my favorite movie out of the 3 but they all are great movies in my opinion. Caspian is also a fantastic character. The magic and the meaning of the stories are amazing and timeless.

The hunger games saga (2012 - 2015)

I rewatched this saga with my sister and we loved it. We cried and suffered throughout Mockingjay part 1 & 2 of course. I love this world so much, it is vast, interesting and full of epic moments. Katniss is a queen and Peeta is my beautiful soft boy. I love Finnick, Haymitch, Effie and many other characters. The social commentary of these movies and the rebellion are very impactful aspects the saga achieved.

A P R I L

El hoyo (2019)

This movie is disturbing in many ways but it is so great. This is a dystopia that talks about the worst aspects of society. It’s hard to see people’s behaviors and attitudes towards each other but you know they are realistic. The movie shows many things you can reflect on. The acting was great, the characters were interesting and the tone was grimm and mysterious.

Outer Banks Season 1

Teenage drama, summer setting, a hidden treasure and many adventures. The characters are interesting, the cast is gorgeous and the found family relationship of the group is beautiful. This show feels so fresh and exciting, the plot is very fun to follow but it also deals with hard topics like toxic relationships and abusive families.

M A Y

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1 (2010) & part 2 (2011)

I rewatched these movies after reading the book and I fell more in love with the world, with Harry and with the conclusion of the story. I love part 1 a little bit more but both movies have such an epic feeling to me. I love the anticipation for the Battle of Hogwarts and the exciting fighting scenes. The ending always makes me cry, I love it.

The imitation game (2014)

This movie is so important, everyone should watch it. It is based on true events and Benedict Cumberbatch is amazing in it, his performance was stunning. I loved the protagonist, the story and the side characters. Upon this rewatch I noticed more how everything was remarkable, there were a lot of well written dramatic scenes and the moments near the end broke my heart.

J U N E

Gotham Season 5

I love Gotham so much!!! This season was amazing but so short, I needed more. I love Bruce and seeing how he became Batman was an epic experience. I love the heroes, the villains, the dynamics between many characters and the humor of this show. I will miss Gotham and the many great episodes and adventures it gave me. Also, I love Oswald and Nygma together and for me they are married and in love.

Dark Season 1 - 3

I rewatched the first 2 seasons in preparation for the third one’s premiere and I watched s3 in a day. I was so obsessed. This show is so brilliant, it plays with your mind and it deals with a lot of existential topics. I love it so so much, is one of my favorites forever. Season 2 is my favorite but overall the show has so many great things to offer. It has drama, great characters, shocking plot twists, an ideal amount of romance and the weirdest, most complicated family tree ever.

Star Wars Original trilogy (1977 - 1883)

I’m surprised I finally watched these movies, and I’m even more surprised I loved them! Luke is a fantastic protagonist, Darth Vader is an epic villain and the world is so immersive. I want to be a Jedi, I want to have adventures around the galaxy. I love Han and Leia’s love story and I love R2, C-3PO and Chewie. 

J U L Y

Star Wars Sequel trilogy (2015 - 2019)

These movies for me were amazing, well episode 9 not so much but overall the trilogy was great. I love the new characters and all the references to the original trilogy. Episode 7 feels so nostalgic to me even though I watched the whole Star Wars saga this year. I love the character development of practically every single character here and I love the epic feeling of the fight scenes. In my opinion this trilogy is worth watching, you can’t change my mind.

Barbie and the magic of pegasus (2005)

I’m a sucker for old Barbie movies and this year I made a rewatch marathon with my sister. This one was the one that stayed on my mind for many weeks. I love the magic of the story and the relationship between Annika and Aidan.

The truth about the Harry Quebert affair Season 1

Amazing actors, intriguing premise and a well written mystery. I love this show and its book so much, this is an awesome book to tv adaptation. The plot is brilliant, the setting is beautiful and the characters are interesting. I love Harry and Marcus’s relationship, I love Nola, I love how the pieces fit together so perfectly and how there are no loose ends. This show is very underrated, it deserves more recognition because it’s fantastic.

The baby-sitters club Season 1

This show is so cute and funny. I love the cast, they’re perfect for their roles. It has quite a simple premise but it talks about many important topics of today’s society. The aesthetic of the show is so beautiful, is perfect to watch with you family and it has great pop culture references. I love the vibe of the show and I’m so glad it got renewed for a second season!

A U G U S T

The umbrella academy Season 2

I watched this twice and I liked it better the second time around. I still can’t decide which Hargreeves I love the most, they’re all amazing in their own way. This season was great, it had many beautiful moments and great action sequences. It also had baby Pogo. Do yourself a favor: watch it and listen to the soundtrack.

House of Anubis Season 1

I rewatched one of my favorite shows of my pre-teenage years and I loved season 1 a lot, s2 is not that great and s3 doesn’t exist for me but s1 is perfect. I love the mystery, the boarding school setting, the teen drama and the characters so much. Fabina forever!!!

The truman show (1998)

This movie is FANTASTIC. It has comedy, drama, romance and sci-fi elements with a concept that makes it an instant classic. This was the first time I watched it and I’m amazed by how brilliant it is and how many references to spirituality and capitalism it has. It has a great villain and a protagonist whose character arc is wonderful to watch. I loved the iconic Truman Burbank quote and the ending was just perfect.

S E P T E M B E R

A series of unfortunate events Season 2 & 3 

Rewatching and old favorite always feels so great. I have no words to describe how much I love this series and the Baudelaire siblings. This show is perfect, it has a hilarious sense of humor I love. I love the drama, the tragedy and the ridiculous schemes Count Olaf plots. It also has music and a cast of actors I adore. Season 1 is also amazing but my favorites are 2 & 3.

Tinker Bell and the great fairy rescue (2010)

I made a marathon of all the Tinker Bell movies with my sister and this one was a surprise. I never thought I’d like it because my memories of it weren’t particularly good but wow, this movie was so cute and full of heart. Everything you hope to see in a fairies movie is here. It’s entertaining and very magical.

O C T O B E R

Julie and the Phantoms Season 1

BEST SHOW EVER! I’ve been screaming my love for jatp everywhere, I even made a video about it. This show came to save my 2020. I love the characters, the cast, the ships, the MUSIC, the plot... Every single thing is amazing. I can’t recommend it enough, please watch it and you will see the great masterpiece Kenny Ortega created.

The rocky horror picture show (1975)

I rewatched this movie for Halloween and I realised how much I enjoy it. I love it. It is weird and very sexual but it’s brilliant and has awesome songs. The characters are unique and the situations are bizzarre, the plot starts being simple but it ends in full science fiction madness. Now I need to go to a screening of the movie.

N O V E M B E R

Lost Season 4 

I mention only season 4 because with this rewatch I realized it’s my favorite but ALL SEASONS are part of my best tv shows of the year. Lost is a show that changed my perspective on tv and gave me so many great life lessons. It is a masterpiece. It has an awesome cast of characters, drama, comedy and mystery. This show is superior to newer shows in many ways, it is so well done and the season finales are always packed with action and emotive moments. It uses foreshadowing, flashbacks, flashforwards and many other brilliant narrative devices that make the show a unique experience. Worth watching even after many years after its ending.

D E C E M B E R

Gravity Falls Season 1 & 2

Another rewatch. This is my favorite animated show. I love it so so much. Dipper Pines and me are practically the same person, I relate to him a lot. I love the mystery of the show, all the supernatural creatures, the science fiction and the plot twists. This is more than just a show for kids, this is a masterpiece of storytelling and animation.

Alice in Wonderland (1951)

I decided after re-reading the books to give this movie another chance because I didn’t use to like it. But oh boy, this time I loved it. I loved the songs and the madness of Wonderland. I get now why is many people’s favorite.

The queen’s gambit Season 1

I guess I love chess now, like every person who watched this show. The acting was superb, the characters and the plot were very well written. The pacing, the soundtrack, the setting, I loved everything. Anya Taylor-Joy is a queen, I have no doubt of that. I loved the ending, I was so proud of Beth Harmon!

A Christmas carol (2009)

My sister has always loved this movie but I wasn’t a big fan. This year I read the book, and watching the movie again made me appreciate the story a lot. I’m a big fan now, I think this movie is unique because it has motion capture animation, a timeless story and Jim Carrey acting multiple roles. A true gem in my opinion.

*the end* thanks 4 reading

Also check these:

My favorite ships of 2020

My favorite characters of 2020

#favorite tv shows of 2020 #favorite movies of 2020 #kvm #anne with an e #parasite #ragnarok netflix #altered carbon #jojo rabbit #elite #the hunger games #el hoyo #the platform #outer banks #harry potter #the imitation game #gotham #dark netflix #dark #star wars #barbie and the magic of pegasus #the truth about the harry quebert affair #the babysitters club #the umbrella academy #house of anubis #the truman show #a series of unfortunate events #tinker bell #julie and the phantoms #jatp #lost

[darkpoisonouslove]

“The Battle for Magix” Thoughts

I am pretty hyped about this because of how good the previous special was and because the events it is supposed to cover are my favorite part of season 1 of Winx Club. This should be intense due to the nature of the events it will have to depict so I am anxious to see how they’ve done. Fingers crossed that this will deliver!

- I am actually pretty glad we didn’t see that conversation between Winx about going to get Bloom because it was annoying to me (and it wouldn’t make sense considering they never got punished for the Day of the Royals). Besides, this works well even without it since Bloom didn’t tell Winx she was leaving so it was only natural for Stella to go look for her.

- I like the lack of dialogue as they enter Alfea. Appropriate with the heaviness of the situation and also removed that line of Stella’s about “this could be the end of the world”. Considering what we’ve seen from the Trix already, I think the threat that they are is coming through even without being spelled out for the audience.

- Well, the conversation with Faragonda was trimmed significantly but I actually don’t mind. It got the important bits in and I think the way Faragonda’s reasoning from keeping this from Bloom was worded a bit better here than in the original. Plus, they already thought of contacting Griffin which nobody thought of in the original. Not that they’ll have the time to do it but still.

- There were some weird pauses in the scene with the Trix fighting Griffin and almost all the dialogue was completely abolished for some reason. Also, I was going to screech at Griffin’s initial reaction to seeing them because they aren’t supposed to be expelled in this but from her words, I guess she was just outraged that they’d been nowhere to be found the last... At least two days? I suppose that could work but the other witches’ reactions didn’t make much sense. I like the way Icy’s ice encased Griffin in this one, though. It looks much more solid than it did in the original. Also, the fact that Icy totally steps on the ice in her heels that almost says “Yeah, she can walk on ice in stilettos and still be regal as fuck.” XD

- “I am not a fairy. I’m not anything anymore.” Aw, baby no! What have these specials done to me? I actually feel pretty bad for Bloom?! Now there’s a surprise. I guess I just feel that the way her guilt is portrayed is realistic to me and I also wish that she wouldn’t dismiss herself like that. She was something before she discovered she has powers so this is not true. But please, tell me they won’t be going to Domino!

- Why did Riven have to go to Cloud Tower if he and Darcy can communicate from afar? But besides that, I LOVE what they have done to this scene! I love how Riven had no idea why they were in Griffin’s office and the way he instantly was like “Well, I’m fucked. Everything is wrong.” This is so much better than the original! And the confrontation was intense even if it was a bit shorter than it was originally.

- Eh, I hope they’re gonna say something more about the Army of Darkness/Decay. They aren’t even calling it that and I will be disappointed if they don’t say it is made up of everything that has rotted in the past 1000 years because that was one of the best ideas I have ever seen.

- Why were the creatures attacking Knut? Or was it that he was simply in the way? I like that Saladin wasn’t that suspicious of him in this one but they really sped through this scene. There was hardly any room to breathe and the tension could’ve used a few more moments to build. Also, Knut’s sudden change of heart was indeed very sudden since we never saw him past the first special. In s1 there was a bit of a gradual change in him before he decided to leave the Trix. Oh, and the mention of his mother that he wanted to protect wasn’t in this which was sad because it gave him character, some kind of miniature backstory and motivation.

- Oh, they actually kinda prepared for the battle? And Saladin gave a motivational speech that resonated with the Specialists? Instead of, you know, “whoever survives passes the semester”? I am on board with that. But damn, I guess there is no barricading yourself when the things just appear from the ground. Also, I am living for this guy:

- Ah, I see mini Ogron is also here:

- Knut’s save was cool but there is no end to the creatures. I also liked Saladin using his magic but Red Fountain still fell. However, I feel like that will prompt Bloom to go to Cloud Tower to look for her powers so no Domino. Yay!

- *screams* The scene where Diaspro comes to take Sky from Red Fountain was missing! I sure hope that means that she was the one to dump his sorry ass! You go, girl! You deserve better! (I just hope they won’t say something else later on. Leave me in my land of make-believe, will you?)

- Why does everyone have flames in their eyes? I get it that the Trix have the Dragon Fire now but what’s your excuse about Faragonda? I know the situation is dire and they are all “aflame” with both worry and determination but chill with the “Eyes on Fire”.

- “Hey, kiddo”? XDDD I’m dying. I never thought I would hear Griffin say that. I like this scene, though. I like that there was some student-teacher interaction, especially since Riven isn’t Griffin’s student. And him wanting to help her both with getting out and blaming herself was just adorable. They have trimmed this one a bit from its original, too, but I get why that is necessary. And they removed that detail about Griffin using magic to help Riven pick the lock which has always annoyed me so much. Are you seriously telling me that Riven can’t pick a lock on his own?!?!?! Really?

- Well, I’m glad they removed the “Riven is the living Red Fountain manual” part. And they showed him falling from the window? Nice! But omg!!!!!!!!! Are you seriously telling me Sky just sensed that Riven was in trouble?!?!?!?! That is, like, only the basis of the true love/soulmates connection. I said what I said. Or rather the writers said what they said.

- Sky just called Bloom a lunatic. Great! I am a bit sulky about the fact that the tunnels between the schools were only mentioned now (since they cut all the times they were used before). It would have made this smoother and not seeming like it just popped out of nowhere. But awwww! at Stella being so ready to go with Bloom. I just don’t like that we still haven’t seen the rest of Winx this episode.

- I kinda agree with Stella on Knut getting his shit together. 14 near death experiences in 30 minutes is A LOT.

- Bloom’s Earth powers are coming in again! It is said that we won’t have them dubbed as such here (since I think that happened while they were on Domino in s1).

- Okay, but the fact that they skipped the trip to Domino does one big disservice to all this and that is that Bloom and Sky originally reconciled on the way back from Domino and here that never happened.

- Ugh, again with the “we’ve been friends with this person for years but we can’t recognize their voice for some fucking reason”. I hate it when they do that in movies/shows. Unless you have a cognitive condition, you should be able to recognize people’s voices.

- I can’t decide which is dumber - the original s1 “my cape is aerodynamic so I survived the fall’ or this one’s “it was just luck that he didn’t break anything”.

- Prince “I’m glad to have you back” Sky aka Riven’s boyfriend. I don’t make the rules here.

- Didn’t Bloom say that the Trix wouldn’t expect them? Because they sure look like they expected them.

- Riven deliberately went looking for Griffin? I like that change! And it actually makes sense.

- Well, he found her. Three seconds later. This right here doesn’t make sense because she would’ve had to have been very close in order to arrive to the room so soon after Bloom and the rest did. Not to mention that there was none of the dialogue here. They really butchered that scene. And removed some of the next ones. Though, I guess they weren’t that crucial.

- At least they removed the “enter the portal in alphabetical order” part that was just stupid. But I still don’t like the fact that Bloom decided to stay with Sky (it is kinda out of place since they haven’t resolved their relationship drama here but they act like they have and I know that is not the most important thing right now but still) and both Griffin and Stella allowed it. This is stupid from a tactical point of view. If Bloom gets caught, they won’t have a chance to stop the Army of Decay without her to get her powers back. And Stella just left her behind? Yeah, right.

- Where were these magical blasts coming from? The Trix were still back in Cloud Tower but that magic appeared to come from the front. That was kinda nonsensical. But damn, what a crash.

- Wasn’t it dark when the witches entered the portal? Why are they only arriving now? The idea of a portal is to transport you instantly, you know? Bloom and Stella got from Alfea to CT faster on foot.

- Sky even sounds like an asshole. Like, the tone of his voice is asshole-ish. And he called Bloom crazy again. I cannot stand him.

- Why didn’t they bring Mirta to Faragonda or Griselda? I am sure that they could have reversed the spell Icy put on her. She didn’t even have Dragon Fire back then. That spell can’t be so strong.

- “They’re ganging up on us”? You destroyed Red Fountain and took over Cloud Tower. It was only logical that they would all gather at Alfea. What else were they supposed to do?

- At least they got rid of “the Invisible Road” that made no sense at all.

- Am I supposed to root for Sky and even be impressed by him? Yeah, I don’t think so.

- They also removed the first wave of attack against Alfea. I know they don’t have much time but that’s kinda disappointing. Well, nothing to do about it.

- Well, the crown of Domino is not Bloom’s birthright. It is Daphne’s. But now that she’s more or less dead, Bloom is the only living heir of Domino that is left. There is a difference, though.

- I wish Bloom would have left Sky to deal with it on his own. And yes, I know he couldn’t have.

- Darcy and Stormy never gave Icy their Dragon Fire in this one, though. So they should have been able to break out of Griffin and Faragonda’s prison since they still had the most powerful magic in the universe. Come on, people! And Darcy waited until that tornado was right in front of her to start running instead of getting out of its way the moment she saw it was out of control and heading in her direction.

- Oh, damn! There’s some real fury in the battle between Icy and Bloom. From both sides. But it’s obvious that ice can’t defeat fire. As long as Bloom has her flames, Icy can’t defeat her.

- Okay, this was actually more intense than the original. And it was the wave of Dragon Fire energy coming off of Bloom that destroyed the monsters instead of them just disappearing once the Trix were defeated? That was a solid change.

- What are those shackles that Darcy and Stormy are wearing? Those look kinda... painful.

- “Here you go, Miss Faragonda”? Did Bloom just give Icy to Faragonda like “now you can handle this from here”? Omg, what a power move!

- That sentencing them to Lightrock scene was kinda... meh. I mean, I think I prefer the original. This just had a weird feeling to it. Also, why is Icy’s makeup running? Did Bloom’s flames make it melt off or what?

- Bloom and Sky are kissing? Why? They never resolved the Diaspro drama. I hate this part.

- They dropped the part where Bloom was looking for her origins. She still has no idea what happened to her parents and she didn’t even think about it. I get how that went to the background once the Dragon Fire was stolen from her but they should have brought it up in that last part when she was telling Sky that she was thinking about everything. She sure wasn’t thinking about her parents. And it should have occurred to her after meeting with Daphne.

Well, idk if it is the fact that some of the battle scenes were missing or that they really cut down on some of the others, but I didn’t really feel it in this episode. And Musa, Flora and Tecna were barely in it (but they still wasted time on the ugly transformation sequences). Objectively speaking, this had almost all the elements necessary for the plot to come to a logical ending. There were two or three huge things that were left out that really make some of this nonsensical but, overall, I guess it was okay. I didn’t really like it as much as the previous one and I can’t even say why. Some of the original feel of tension was lost to me, I suppose. Let’s see what the last special will deliver.

#winx club #winx bloom #winx stella #trix #winx icy #winx darcy #winx stormy #winx riven #anti sky #winx griffin #winx faragonda #winx saladin #winx specials #the battle for magix #thoughts #review

[bookiemonsterph]

Anna And The French Kiss

Synopsis:

Can Anna find love in the City of Light?

Anna is happy in Atlanta. She has a loyal best friend and a crush on her coworker at the movie theater, who is just starting to return her affection. So she's less than thrilled when her father decides to send her to a boarding school in Paris for her senior year.

But despite not speaking a word of French, Anna meets some cool new people, including the handsome Étienne St. Clair, who quickly becomes her best friend. Unfortunately, he's taken —and Anna might be, too. Will a year of romantic near misses end with the French kiss she's waiting for?

Title: Anna And The French Kiss Series: Anna And The French Kiss Author: Stephanie Perkins ISBN: 0525423273 (ISBN13: 9780525423270) Pages:  372 pages (Paperback) Published: July 16th 2013 by Speak (first published December 2nd 2010) Characters: Anna Oliphant, Étienne St. Clair, Meredith Chevalier, Rashmi, Joshua Wasserstein, Ellie, Bridgette Saunderwick, Christopher, Dave Higgenbottom, Sean Oliphant, Kevin Quiggley, Amanda Spitterton-Watts, Matt, Isla Martin Setting: Paris (France) Atlanta, Georgia (United States) Genre: Young Adult, Romance, Chick Lit, Contemporary

I have heard endless good things about Anna and the French Kiss. It has been sitting on my shelf for a year now yet I've been hesitant to read it, due to all the hype surrounding it, I didn't want to read it and find myself disappointed. Yet, when one of my best friend's read it and completely fell in love with Anna and the French Kiss, I decided to read it this summer holiday. I started reading this book on Christmas day and I finished it when I went to bed that night. I fell in love with this book, just like my friend, and the rest of the bookish community, guaranteed I would.

Anna and the French Kiss is about 17 year old Anna, whose father, best-selling author of sappy romance books, sends her to a boarding school in Paris for the year. Anna is not happy at all, she has her best friend Bridgette and things with her crush are finally looking more serious, but when she meets Ètienne, she hopes that maybe she'll find romance in the City of Love, problem is...he's off-limits. But as they become best friends they both realize there's undeniable chemistry between them, but with lots of obstacles blocking their way, will Anna get that French kiss she has been waiting for?

Anna and the French Kiss is a magical read. Stephanie Perkins perfectly describes the scenery of Paris. I've always wanted to travel to France and through reading Anna and the French Kiss, I was able to do just that. I loved navigating the cobble stone streets with Ètienne and Anna, eating the sophisticated Parisian cuisine and viewing the vintages movies at the authentic cinemas lined up along the street. I absolutely fell in love with Paris in this book, and I hope that one day I will be able to visit it myself.

I think I'll start this review by saying how I adore Stephanie Perkin's writing. She has such a magical way of writing, and her novel is just such fun to read. I also love that it's not this fluffy read, it has depth to it and deals with serious issues that makes you sympathize with the characters, experience turmoil and you really feel a connection to them and are just rooting for them the whole way through.

Like I said, Perkins is an utterly fantastic writer and I spent the whole day in bed, or on the couch, just constantly reading and devouring the stunning story that Perkins has weaved with her enchanted words, loveable characters and swoon-worthy romance. It is seldom that I find a book that I enjoy so much that I read it in one sitting. Anna and the French Kiss is one such novel.

To me, the most wonderful thing about this novel are the characters. They're so real and they all have such powerful voices and powerful words that resonates inside the readers. They're all so authentic, and there's this witty dialogue and heart-warming moments that will have you producing tears and sighs of contentment. It's all just so perfect! I can't describe the sweet, romantic and frustrating moments that take place in this book...you need to experience it for yourself.

I absolutely love Anna! She's got such a honest voice and such a charming personality. I found that I could really relate to Anna, not in the way of being sent to live in Paris or such, but by the way she is a perfectionist, she is a natural worrier and freaks out about germs. There were times when I was reading that I was like "That's so me!" or "I do that!". Anna is also a great friend and she generally makes decisions based on how it will benefit her friends. I also love Anna and Ètienne's relationship, but I'll talk about that later. I just honestly love Anna as a narrator, she's just so cute. I love how she loves watching movies and has a website where she reviews movies, which I can relate to with my book blogging...knowing this also adds a more personal aspect to the novel.

Ètienne...Oh MY GOSH...I finally know what all the hype is about! I absolutely ADORE him! He's just so sweet and loving and perfect! My heart broke for him when he had family issues and I just wanted him to feel better again. I just love him so much!

I absolutely adore the relationship between Anna and Ètienne. It built up from this sweet, innocent friendship to this full on romantic relationship. I love how they're best friends and then they become more than that. Everything about the relationship is just so perfect! The way Ètienne slowly coaxes Anna out of her shell and shows her the ins and outs of Paris was beautiful to watch. I love how they built each other up and made each other more confident. Their romance was so extremely sweet and I love how they were best friends as well as being in love. It did infuriate me though when they kept denying their feelings for each other, as I just wanted them to officially get together. Perkins wrote their relationship wonderfully and she perfectly captured the roller-coaster of emotions of falling love in all it's bittersweet glory. The hope, the joy, the wondering....the heartbreak and devastation.

The secondary characters were written brilliantly as well. From Rashmi, Josh and Meredith, Ètienne and Anna's friends. I didn't really like Rashmi, I could never warm up to her. I didn't actually hear of Josh that much, but he seemed like a nice guy and an extremely talented artist. Meredith was sweet and I felt extremely sorry for her towards the end...especially seeing as she's in love with Ètienne too. There were also some jerks at Anna's school and I felt so sorry for her when false rumors started circulating around the school.

The story in itself was stunning. I loved how we got to familiarize ourselves with Anna and how her and Ètienne friendship slowly built up to something bigger. I loved exploring Paris with both of them, I loved the whole story.

I loved Anna and the French Kiss and I found it a charming, delightful read! You'll fall in love with the characters, especially with an English boy with a French name. The story is scrumptious and I completely devoured it. Anna and the French Kiss is definitely one of the best contemporaries I've read, with stunning, realistic characters, beautiful scenery, an exquisite story and a heart-warming romance, Anna and the French Kiss has everything (and more) that you'll be looking for in a contemporary.

#anna and the french kiss #stephanie perkins

[nyctophilin]

Any tips for lazy/unmotivated writers?

Omg baby, you came to ME for this kind of advice? I feel like I am not the most suited writer on here to help you with this because I am the laziest piece of marshmallow you'll ever meet, but I will try to help you with your little big problem. ;)

Warning: This is my own experience and way of getting over this kind of episode. What works for me might not work for everyone so please take everything here with a pinch of salt. Also, long post ahead, heh.😅

First and foremost, don't try to get rid of this feeling. I know that this might sound weird, but stay with me. I am pretty sure you have gone to our friend google and asked him what to do in this kind of situation and he came up with tons of ideas....but has any of it actually worked out? Were you magical out of that state where you'd find watching paint dry more entertaining than writing? I am pretty sure not.

The truth is that you don't have to do that. Let the laziness and unmotivation stay with you for a while. You can procrastinate on writing today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and one more day if you feel like it. Instead of forcing yourself to write something that will simply not turn out good, no matter what, concentrate on something else. Watch that series you wanted to start for a while, or read that new book you bought or watch your favourite youtuber. Just relax for a bit and get your mind off of writing. That wip is not going anywhere and if you are doing this for anything besides work purposes, then you don't even have to finish it in a certain period of time. Believe me, your tumblr followers will wait because it's not like they can do anything to make you write that piece faster.

Now, if you still want to somehow work on that wip, you can do things that will help you with your creative process. Make a playlist or a mood board. Maybe make character sheets and add all the little and insignificant details about them that might be special for them. Maybe the male protagonist has a rock and no one cares that he has a rock, but he really loves that rock and you want to somehow put it in the story. Try doing things that help you in developing the story, but don't actually involve writing it.

For me, I like to act it out. This is kind of embarrassing to say honestly, but I like to get up, walk around my room and act my stories. This helps me better visualise the story and helps me give it a smoother progression. I get all sorts of ideas when I act it out. It somehow puts my brain on the spot and makes me wonder, if I were actually there and I didn't have time to think my answers and moves, what would I do? I think it helps me have a better relationship with my characters and it helps me make them more realistic. Idk how much in other people's eyes, but it looks like that to me so idk. 🤷‍♀️

Basically, try to take your mind off of writing for a while. Don't force yourself to write like you are a robot and are short circuiting and you need a button push to get back to normal. You are human and humans have times like this sometimes. This will help your brain relax and it will be easier fo write things down. And you also got yourself those cool playlists and mood boards! :D

After doing this thing every time I feel like I lost my motivation, I can write like 10k in a sitting. Is good to take a break sometimes and remember: Tumblr is not your work nor is it your school. Nobody will scold you if the story is out two days later. All that maters is that you enjoy writing it and that you are happy with the outcome. Don't let any mean anon force you into writing and posting something that you don't like. Okay baby?

Well, I don't know how helpful this is, but I hope I managed to help you even a little bit. I hope you will get over this blockage soon and that while I navigate the tags I will get to read one of your stories!☺️

#huh I really did write a bit #I really hope I helped you anonnie🥺 #also who would have thought that I will have a new post to add to the 'writing advice' part of my navigation? #just look where faith brings us #amazing😌 #hxidjd or I am talking shit at this point #good luck with your stories baby #love you💜 #pearl advice #ask #sweet anons

[leam1983]

Cyberpunk 2077 Thoughts

Having perused Dark Horse Books’ The World of Cyberpunk 2077 over the past few days, I’ve gotten a better feel for the various basic hooks that structure V’s inception as a protagonist. The short of it is the Polish wizards are on the right path to nailing Pondsmith’s treatment the same way they nailed Sapkowski’s works.

Consider the following as half a brain dump, half a series of prospective spoilers, and also half projection, so either skip this, find some other entry to read, or come back to this come late November.

I know I mentioned three halves, but it’s late and I don’t give a shit.

I’m serious - DO NOT PRESS ON IF YOU’RE THE TYPE TO BLOW A GASKET IF YOU’RE INADVERTANTLY SPOILED. 

The latest Night City Wire as of August exposed three incipient “life paths”, or starting branches of V’s path. I’ll tackle my personal narrative approaches to them in the order of my choosing.

Nomads: CP2077 is set in a world where much of what we understand to define a family has been blown up, tossed around by climate change and nuclear fire and then stitched back together using grit, resourcefulness and the last dying embers of human decency. Nomads are less a group of people defined by blood relations and more a cadre of individuals that share something more significant than mere genes. It might be a common history, a set of shared hardships, a yen for similar automotive and engineering-related projects - whatever it is, that something pulls people together in ways Corpo rats and street kids will never experience.

This seems to define even the average Nomad’s degree of education. Surprisingly, Nomads are the most well-read group in Coronado Bay’s greater area, some caravans reportedly including entire RVs packed with books. Nomads generationally elect teachers and record-keepers and seem to care for those cultural remnants of the old world, before Pondsmith’s paranoid alternate sixties kicked off more than a century’s worth of technological progression and rampant dehumanization. To a Night City native, a Nomad’s speech patterns appear precious and uselessly florid, while they might appear almost normal to us - maybe slightly touched by the fact that Grandpa Joe or whatever really wanted you to have your Greek classics down before you were old enough to repair your first CH00H2 carburetor on your own.

That new, mega-clustered version of family matters immensely to the Nomads. You identify to yours the same way Orcs in Shadow of War might refer to their clan, or the same way a Scottish clan might design specific visual cues identifying its members. In normal circumstances, Nomads live, thrive and die in service to the clan - and the opening segment for V’s Nomad origins suggests that something happened to his clan. They’re gone, or so the narration says, without going into further detail. Is V responsible? We don’t currently know. As it stands, however, he is a lone Nomad in a clan of one, and soon finds himself pushed out of the Californian wastes and into Night City’s neon-drenched streets.

Seeing this, I considered the narration as an admission of guilt on V’s part. He feels responsible, and hopes that grinding his way to success will in some way atone for what he’s done. Consequently, my Nomad V would be as gruff as could be, but as moral and upstanding as the setting allows. He considers himself as having been invested with an example to set, and would intend to set his sights on more than just filthy lucre. Honest filthy lucre is what matters to him, if that concept even is possible: he might deal in unsavory types and illicit activities, but he always does so with a certain moral rectitude - as a tough and gruff, lean and stringy type you can occasionally catch in his battered Thornton pick-up truck with his feet up on the dashboard and a dog-eared copy of Plato’s Republic in hand. Jackie honestly wonders how he can put up with that Greek pendejo’s endless words and the lack of scrolling animations, while V keeps his Kiroshi optics’ News ticker locked onto grassroots Leftist RSS feeds that stoke a bit of an ignored Rockerboy ethos in him. Quoting Marx in Night City might feel like trying to teach lab rats in the finer points of string theory, but it at least feels genuine to him, compared to the predigested sociopolitical pap Militech, Arasaka and their ilk are more than happy to spew on the airwaves. 

There’s a lot to be pissed off about in Richard Night’s failed utopia, a lot of fat cats to gut and buildings to burn. Still, he leaves the glowering act and the churning rage to Johnny Silverhand’s imprinted ghost. Being more of a down-low, gun-toting choomba than a classic Street Samurai, Vincent “V” Carson thinks first and strikes second.

Vinnie isn’t much for electric guitars and anarchy in the UK, much less in the Free State of Southern California; but he does love the occasional Leonard Cohen ballad or the occasional shot of Johnny Cash’s melancholy. Having picked up something of a Northern Texas drawl while cruising, he might feel like Harry Dresden’s Good Ol’ Boy cousin, magic tricks here pushed aside in favor of a measure of dermal plating and a good ol’ fashioned twelve-gauge and revolver combo. Not being much of a techno-fetishist, he considers his optics and his skull jack as being begrudging concessions to an era that looks down on fully “ganic” types. Having grown up with TV serials and the occasional visor-based Braindance all depicting cyberpsychosis as something vile that utterly dehumanizes its sufferers, he’s naturally wary around anyone who seems a little too giddy with the prospect of taking a few scalpels to perfectly decent muscles and bones.

His Thornton is where most of his Eddies go, and yes, he’s named his truck Suzie. Suzie’s done right by him, and he’ll do right by her - unless someone else with a pretty smile and a working moral compass makes him swoon.

Street Kids: if you weren’t taught on the highways or in corporate arcologies, odds are you became a positive blip in an otherwise grim statistic, one of the myriad fucked-up kids raised by other fucked-up kids with more seniority than you. With no roads and paid-for nannies, you survived off of grifts, grit, violence, deceit, smarts and gumption - and that, in its own screwball way, creates its own blood ties. You’re wise by Heywood’s standards - streetwise, that is - and you speak the back-alleys’ lingua franca of threats, insinuation and casual intimidation like no other.

If only Jackie hadn’t fingered that Rayfield, huh? This beaut could’ve been paydirt! Well, at least for a week or so, judging by the fact that hundreds of car thefts are reported across Night City on a daily basis. At least, Dean - who also goes as “V” - got to make a new friend while out in the pokey, and managed to shake a few proverbial trees... They’ve got a short-lease in with Trauma Team’s frequency and could maybe hook themselves up with a sweet finder’s fee for anyone who’s on the verge of death at the hands of the city’s Scavengers...

Little does V know, that’s selling Trauma Team as well as their clients painfully short. Shows of gratitude don’t mean anything if you’re not packing the right social status. He barely remembers his birth parents as it is, and grew up the fifth grubby prospect of one of the Valentinos’ “school clubs” (hence the nickname) - where the points of study refer to the proper observances to be held in Jesus Malaverde’s presence, intensive Chicano and Spanish immersion, as well as the handling of common types of weaponry.

Vincent and Dean would be likely to shoot one another, if placed in the same room. One clings onto nearly-lost value systems, while the other commodifies what can be discarded like so much flesh - only inasmuch as his efforts to pacify his unofficial five or six abuelas force him to forego extensive modifications. His knives and wrist-mounted data port are his main tools of the trade, although Dean keeps his hacking creds along the bare minimum. Why bother, when melting an ATM’s ICE wall and whacking the cops with a baseball bat is all you need? There’s a type of gun for nearly anything else, if someone knows where to look...

Dean has no last name, and is consequently registered as “Dean Smith” in the city’s Census records. That doesn’t suggest, however, that he wouldn’t want to make one for himself. As he’s less focused on the city’s legends than on its kingmakers and pawn-movers, Dexter DeShawn strikes him as someone to emulate, watch and learn from - all with a decent degree of caution.

Being on top matters a little less to him than eventually pulling Heywood’s stings. With a little fear and a lot of persistence, Dean “V.” Smith knows that one day, he won’t go hungry on a weeknight. To that end, he’s certainly a hearty eater, here paired with extensive free-weight training regimens and the use of anabolic stimulants. Oh, sure, he’ll speak of family and blood like the best soldier festooned in Santa Muerte visual codices, but his friend Jackie’s got a mind like a slow and steady steel trap.

Either Dean blows his new fellow Street Samurai out of the pond, or he does. Unlike Jackie, however, Dean isn’t realistic about it. Friendships are a rare gift in Heywood, if not the rest of Night City, and Dean’s convinced that Jackie could conceivably look past his final betrayal.

Corpo: nowadays, we’re mostly familiar with the idea of one-percenters creating a bubble of affluence for themselves. Boarding schools, private villas, prebooked vacations across the globe’s priciest spots, access to the hottest trends on the minute of their inception - what this tends to forego is the level of social disconnect that’s required in order to stay relevant. We’re only just waking up to the consequences of letting an aging, crusty first-generation Yuppie be crowned the ruler of the free world, and even someone who’s behind on their Bret Easton Ellis could tell you that Donald J. Trump is a sociopath and a narcissist.

Take that mindset, and cultivate it into an ethos that’s taught to children from a very early age - children who live, eat, shit and breathe in accordance with their parent corporation’s tenets. The more placid, mid-tier lifers in the genre are called sararimen, in reference to William Gibson’s use of the term to designate low-level company workers in Chiba City. A bit like Shenzhen’s factory workers and execs, everything in a corpo’s life is in service to the corporation.

In Night City, as of 2077, two major players have installed this culture of total obedience in their roster. Their names are Militech and Arasaka. One is a juggernaut in the field of military-grade personal defence, the other has a wider grasp and reach, but is more fragile. Arasaka owes that fragility to the last fifty years having involved its re-establishment and reconstruction. Fifty years ago, Night City’s Corpo Plaza was blasted open by a thermonuclear discharge that sent the Japanese giant packing. The charges had been set by three Edgerunners: Rogue, Morgan Blackhand and Johnny Silverhand - accessorily a well-respected Rockerboy and front-line member of the band SAMURAI. Only Rogue survived that fateful night, or so the street lingo goes, having gone on to start a legitimate consultation business as well as a fruitful career in the hospitality business. Her bar, the Afterlife, is Night City’s hotspot for every techie, script kiddie and accomplished cyber-spelunker.

Our gal Vivian knows this. She knows this, because Vivian “V.” Banks lives two lives.

In one of them, she’s a lean and hungry Junior Executive in Arasaka’s Counter-Intel division. In that line of work, you either fuck someone’s prospects or protect your own, or ensure that no up-and-comer just out of the company’s Law School program manages to push you off the board. She knows full well that in centuries past, corpo-speak was made up of mild euphemisms that at best referred to destroying a rival’s prospects or lifelihood. Taking a life was something that required careful deliberation, especially when tossing a fat severance bonus into an aging CFO’s three-piece pockets and letting your erstwhile rival snort cocaine off of the rolling hips of Tahitian dancers was so much cheaper...

Nowadays, zeroing someone is commonplace.

You’re born for Arasaka, and chances are you’ll die for Arasaka just the same. Viv’s killed, lied, cheated and even stole her way to her position, remorse being this vaguely churning sense of coldness in her gut that keeps one-night stands coming in and out of her bedroom. She only remembers her parents as being credit-chip enablers and personal enhancement drug addicts, cutting ties with them so completely on the day of her official hiring that it felt more like a tacit understanding.

On most days, sex and booze keep the cold at bay. On most days, Vivian Banks is a class-act of a sociopath. The stronger she gets, however, and the more paranoid her targets become - which reinforces her own paranoia. Before long, playing the part of one of Arasaka’s several poisonous flowers won’t work anymore.

Unfortunately, she trusts no-one. No Fixer could put her in contact with any hacker she’d trust, no rando fresh off the street with a retro-tinted National Arms plinker would satisfy her. To climb up the ranks and maybe share tea with Old Man Saburo himself, she needs a spotless performance record. She needs skills.

More importantly, she needs a reputation. That means leaving Arasaka Tower and mingling with the experts in their own field - and it means filling out her back book of successful hits. The drinks at the Afterlife are decent enough, but what she’s after is an official in.

If she can get to Rogue, or maybe even hook up with a ripperdoc not bought and paid for by the company, she might be able to score both new skills and increased performance...

If it were as simple as slitting Janet’s throat in HR and diving her way to an orgiastic performance review quite innocently left on the department’s server, she would’ve done that already. Viv is my obvious Pure Stealth build candidate, my main-line hacker and would-be engineer with a thing for black power skirts and designer offensive augments.

With that said, we’re months ahead of schedule, all the good shit’s already come out, so we’re stuck playing the waiting game...

What are your own character or build ideas for Cyberpunk 2077?

#cyberpunk 2077 #spoilers #build ideas #characters #roleplaying

[mareebird]

Thank you to @reileth who sent me the following fic request:

“I'd like to see Loki interacting with a school trip who turn up at one of the sites he and Thor are visiting.  I think maybe he'd enjoy explaining some of the symbolism etc, with bonus points thrown in for magical illustrations when the teacher is not watching!”

And so, without further ado, I give you...

Title: Stave School

Words: 2821

Summary: Thor is not exactly on board when Loki conducts an impromptu art class at a Norwegian stave. (Exists within the universe of The Relic, but not a necessary read.)

---

Røldal Stave

A Late-October Friday Morning

8:55 AM

They had visited staves and now they were revisiting staves, and Thor felt a bit like a dog chasing his tail.  After digging up so much nothing, even he was beginning to question his sanity and the amount of effort they were expending to find an Asgardian relic that was legendarily unfindable.

And New Asgard was waiting so patiently for his return.  Loki was free at last.  The longer he lingered on Earth, the more Thor felt that he was shirking his greater responsibilities, even being selfish.  And yet, that made returning with the relic all the more important.  The thought of going back empty-handed was a shame Thor was not sure he could endure.

If anyone could find it, it was Loki.  Thor looked to his brother on the other end of the stave's cavernous midtrom.  Loki was doing his usual Loki thing, whatever that was, exactly.  He would trace his hands along the walls like he was feeling around for a light switch in the dark...which...well, Thor supposed that was exactly what he was doing, searching for secret gateways.  They definitely existed; Loki and Cora had proven that by falling through one of them.  Somewhere, maybe not in this stave, but in a stave, they would find the lost piece of Asgardian history they sought.  Thor was certain of it.

He was reasonably certain of it.  It was only a matter of time.  Hopefully.

Realistically, though, they had to be out of the church by nine o’clock.  That was when the Preservation Society came along and opened the doors to the public, or so Cora had warned.  She was not with them today.  The air between her and Loki was...tense, and for the time being, she was taking a step back from exploring the staves.  Thor hoped the break would not last.  She was a hard worker, and a good friend, and he very much wanted to see his brother happy.  Loki had been fairly miserable since...whatever it was that had gone so wrong.  Thor tried not to ask too many questions.

But it made him sad to know Loki's heart had been trampled.

Either way, Cora had warned them firmly that Røldal’s stave was a tourist attraction and even an active worship site, situated in a well-populated rural community.  There would be no margin of error for timing their exit.

Which was why it was very embarrassing when Thor heard the lock click and realized they had lingered too long.

“Shit…” he growled under his breath, his eyes flying to Loki, as Loki’s eyes flew to him.

Loki could disguise himself, either his literal appearance or by wrapping himself up in invisibility like a blanket.  Or he could teleport safely beyond the walls of the stave.  But Thor was not so gifted.  In a panic, he dropped to his knees between the pews, knowing his brother could fend for himself.  He would not hold it against Loki for abandoning him.  The fewer of them caught, the better.

Hopefully, the attendant from the Preservation Society would simply unlock the door, switch on the lights, and leave.

But what Thor heard was not one pair of footsteps, but many, and the voices of young children.  Their chatter and gasps of awe at the sight of the ancient church’s interior floated up through the rafters and when the door closed behind them, Thor realized he was in some degree of trouble.

And wretched embarrassment.  This was no place for a king, rolled into a ball on the floor, but Thor hardly felt like the leader of anything these days, let alone the Nine Realms.  He was more like a thief about to be caught, and he would be caught; the pew barely concealed him.  Soon, perhaps in seconds, he would need to supply the children with some explanation as to why he was there.  Or perhaps it would be better to run.  The attendant would know he did not belong.  If he ran fast enough, they would not be able to catch them.

Thor wondered if he ought to pray to someone for success in his escape.

“God morgen, children.  Welcome to Røldal Stave Church!  Did you have a nice trip?  Was it too cold for anyone?”

Thor’s eyes snapped open.  His blood ran cold.

The voice.  It was Loki’s.

“Who are you?”  This voice belonged to a woman, either the attendant or possibly the children’s teacher, Thor surmised.  His brain was racing too fast to come up with anyone else, just as he was filled with too much dread to lift himself from the floor and look.  

“I’m Dr. Johan,” replied Loki, without missing a beat.  “I’m sorry, was the tour not today?  Is this not the class from...Fløgstad?”

“No one informed me that...”  The woman’s voice wavered.  There was a brief pause, hardly noticeable, but Thor noticed it.  She spoke dreamily, “Yes.  Dr. Johan.  I must have forgotten you were meeting us today.”

Thor felt another chill and grit his teeth against it.  He did not have to look to know what Loki was up to.  His genius was always tinged with madness.  

“And you are Ms…Gjørv, yes?” asked Loki.  “From the Preservation Society?”

But his brother was not really asking at all.  Thor knew exactly what was happening.  Silvertongue was sweet-talking them, his magic at work, pulling information from the woman’s mind and inserting his own.

Thor had never liked this trick.

But at least Loki was going to get them out of here, he thought, which was more than he could say for himself, as he breathed in dust bunnies.

That was when Thor sneezed.  He sneezed a sneeze that only an Asgardian could sneeze.  The entire stave shuddered.  He was certain his heart momentarily stopped, as well.

Loki sounded entirely nonplussed as he reacted.  “And over there you’ll find my intern assistant, Mr. Laksekjønn.”

The children giggled and someone hushed them.  Thor felt uneasy and just a bit queasy as he rose to his feet.  The giggling stopped when they saw how big he was.

There were about ten children altogether, not quite teenagers, accompanied by a woman -- Ms. Gjørv, was it? -- who was fairly elderly, but she smiled brightly at Thor while Loki played tricks upon her mind, convincing her that they belonged when they did not.

Loki’s grin was impish.  “Did you find your lucky krone, Laksekjønn?”

The children snickered again, which did not bode well.  Thor pretended to look around himself.  “No.  I did not find my...lucky krone.”

“Ah, that’s too bad.  I’m sure it will turn up.”  He swiveled back to the children.  “Now, where shall we begin our tour?  Why not the apse, yes?”

Thor stood very still, watching Loki and the children pass with a sense that the very fabric of reality had been disrupted.  The little ones eyed him as they passed, covering their grins with their hands.  What in Hel did Laksekjønn mean?  Allspeak was useless with surnames.

But what he truly could not grasp was why Loki had not simply used his magic to ensure their escape?  Why was he leading everyone deeper into the church?  Thor eyed the door at the other end, with its thin sliver of sunlight breaking through beneath.  Maybe this was an elaborate distraction and he was meant to escape. Thor stepped into the aisle, debating which way to turn.

“Oh, Mr. Laksekjønn,” Loki sing-songed.  “As my assistant, will you mind assisting me for a moment?”  He was sincerely enjoying something about this, which made Thor all the more anxious.

Scratching the back of his neck, Thor trudged toward the apse, where the children had circled around a piece of art.  Loki was beaming.  Thor did not understand.  It was not an interesting artwork, it was just a garden.  There were not even any people in it.

Loki held court as though he was teaching an actual class.  “Now, around the time of the Reformation, most of this church’s religious art was removed and replaced by inoffensive secular art.  Can anyone tell me the difference between the two?”

Of all the children who raised their hands, Loki selected a bespectacled little girl.  “Secular means there’s no reference to God in it.”

“Yes, that is exactly what it means,” chirped Loki and the girl smiled brightly.  “So here we have a garden, but there’s no clue to it being the Garden of Eden.  No serpent.  No apple tree.  No Adam and Eve scrambling to cover themselves with fig leaves.”

The children giggled.  Thor could not help but snicker along with them, as something inside him eased.  Just a little.  His brother had always been good with children, far better than he was himself,  And that was probably because Loki had spent so much time with their mother, and far less with their father.

Thor fended off a sad frown.

Loki rambled on.  “So even if all we have to look at is a fairly boring collection of trees and bushes, can still appreciate--”

“Dr. Johan!”  One of the boys interrupted Loki’s spiel, thrusting his finger in the air.  He was pointing toward the painting.  “I see a serpent!”

Loki spun around.  The motion was highly exaggerated, with his mouth agape and his arms flailing.  He nearly knocked a few of the children in the head, except that Loki moved so fluidly over them that it had to have been calculated.  “You see a serpent?” he gasped.  “Where!”

“There.  There!”  A few of the other children added their claims to the mix, jutting their fingers toward the painting.  Thor turned, as well, narrowing his eyes, but he did not see anything out of the ordinary.

And then he did.

The painting moved.

“There it is again!” the children cried.  “In the bushes!”

Thor could scarcely believe what he saw -- not the fact that the painting was moving, because he knew Loki too well.  This, however, was especially brazen.  A tiny snake poked his head out of the leaves, tasted the air with his tongue, and then disappeared.

Norns.

Thor grabbed one of Loki’s hands.  “What are you doing?” he hissed.

But too many questions were coming at once.  “Was that real?  Is it a screen?  Where did the snake go?”  As for Mrs. Gjørv -- who was clearly very familiar with the artwork in the stave -- she clutched her chest.  The color of her cheeks had drained away.

“I don’t see any snakes,” Loki said with the utmost calm, even if he could not fully disguise the delight pulling at his lips.  “I think your eyes must be playing tricks on you.”

“No!  We saw it!  We saw it!”  The children shrieked and giggled.

“Then perhaps we have a minor miracle on our hands.”  Loki shrugged.  “Shall we move on to the famous depiction of Saint Matthew?”

“Yes…” said Mrs. Gjørv, who had regained her voice.  “They moved it to the rear of the church, outside the midtrom.”

Loki chuckled.  “Now, who can tell me the story of the repentant tax collector?”

As Loki led the children away from the apse, Thor wondered just when and where and why his brother had learned so much about the Christian Bible.  He squinted at the garden, daring the snake to reappear.  A stout little boy had lingered beside him, doing the same, but nothing happened.  

They exchanged an incredulous look.

“You saw it, too, right?” Thor asked.

The boy shrugged and scurried away.

Thor dared to touch the painting then, stealing a glance over his shoulder to make sure everyone was distracted.  He poked the bushes, half-expecting the leaves to rustle, but the paint was flat and the wood panel behind it was hard.  Had he imagined it?  Had Loki played so many little tricks on him that now he hallucinated snakes at the slightest provocation?

He sighed and clasped his hands behind his back.  He had gotten so little good sleep as of late, Thor would not have been surprised to discover he was dreaming while he was awake.  But the children had seen it, had they not?  And Mrs. Gjørv had turned white.

Thor turned to join the others.  That was when he heard a distinct, audible raspberry.  Pbbbt!  He swiveled back.  The snake had reappeared, this time wearing Loki’s horned helm.  He waggled his body in a taunting, celebratory dance, like a footballer who had scored a point.  And then the snake winked.

“HEY!” shouted Thor, though he was relieved to discover he was not completely mad, after all.  Loki the Snake flicked its tongue and vanished into the greenery.

Everyone was staring at him when he finally turned around.

“Did it come back?” asked the stout boy.  “Did I miss it?”  A few of the students began to run toward the apse.  Thor held up his hands to halt them.

“Ermmm….  No, no.  I...thought I found my lucky krone.  That is all.”  Never had he seen children look so dejected.  It almost disappointed Thor himself to trample their excitement, but he could not go on torturing poor Mrs. Gjørv.

“Children, leave Mr. Laksekjønn be!” shouted Loki, waving them back to where he stood with the painting.  Begrudgingly -- though snickering at whatever Thor’s silly name meant -- they obeyed.

He considered pulling out his phone and Googling the term himself.  In fact, he did just that.

“...Salmon spawning?” Thor growled through his teeth.

His head snapped up in time to see a girl throw her fist high into the air.  Something between her fingers glittered in the thin light.  “Saint Matthew just tossed me a krone!” she exclaimed.

Loki snatched it away.  “Mr. Laksekjønn, is this the lucky krone you misplaced?”

Thor felt his eyes bulge out of his skull.

That was it.  Time to leave.  Now.  He pushed through the children, knocking a few of them over.  He grabbed Loki by the elbow while Mrs. Gjørv fanned her face.  “Dr. Johan and I need to be leaving immediately.  Please conduct the rest of the tour quietly amongst yourselves.  Have a lovely day.”

Loki was laughing hysterically before they were even outside, but he at least had enough sense to start running.  They put distance between themselves and the stave, cutting quick lines through the brisk late-autumn morning.  They were down the hill and across the street when jogged to a halt.

“Damn, that was fun,” Loki panted.

“You took it too far.”  But even Thor had begun to laugh.  His pulse thudded vigorously in his chest and for the first time in days, he felt fully awake.  “You almost gave that poor old woman a heart attack.”

Loki waved his hand.  “Oh, in a few hours she’ll have convinced herself it was a cheap trick.  That’s what humans do.”

“Do you mean that they come up with reasonable explanations, because they are a reasonable people?”

Loki soured at Thor’s smirk.  “You know what I meant.”

“Yes, but I don’t like it when you play cruel tricks.”

“I was not being cruel in the slightest.  The children did not think it was cruel.”

They had begun to walk down the street in the direction of a small park, where their return portal to Seine was concealed among the prickly evergreen bushes.  Thor mulled over how they would arrive at Cora’s cafe decidedly behind schedule.  He wondered if they ought to tell her the truth of what had happened.  “Why did you bother to do it, though?  We were late already.”

Loki shrugged.  “Do I need a reason?”

Thor thought for a moment.  “No, but you usually have one.”

Loki did not reply right away.  They had arrived at the park and he quietly used his fingers to find the portal’s location.  Thor noticed that he was frowning.

“I just needed a bit of a distraction,” Loki sighed.

It was no small thing for his brother to admit, needing something.

Thor frowned along with him.  The waves of Loki’s ups and downs had been swift as of late, everything concerning Cora not being the least of it.  There were Strange and Ross’s machinations, not to mention the search for the Relic itself.  And Thor did not think that living in close quarters was any easier for Loki than it was for him.  Sharing a bathroom at their age was enough to end any relationship.

Suddenly, his brother’s little game seemed...fairly harmless.  And Loki was right, Mrs. Gjørv probably would write it off as a magician’s trick by the end of the day.  “Did it work?” Thor asked.

Loki nodded.  “Yes, I enjoyed it very much.”  The palm of his hand lit up.  He had found the portal.

“Good.”

Loki reached back to take Thor by the elbow and Thor closed his eyes tight.  He did not enjoy travelling this way.

“...But salmon spawning, Loki?  Next time.  I pick the names.”

#mareebird #one shot #loki #thor #fanfic #loki fanfic #thor fanfic #stave school #norway #brodinsons #marvel #mcu #requests

[aire101]

Ashes Chapter 1 (MCU/HP)

Lily Evans attends the Stark Expo during the Autumn break of her 7th year, and ends up finding–and bringing home– more than scientific passion.

Tony Stark just wanted to escape his security detail for a few hours, but a beautiful red head with a sharp mind and fiery soul derailed his plans for the week–and maybe longer. But secrets burn scars in the soul, and they both live in worlds far apart. Can they find a way to rise above or will it all turn to ash in the end?

October 20th 1991

Lily Evans strolled through the Stark Expo, her eyes gleaming with each innovation and display. No matter how much she loved magic, science remained her passion.  Even after she had accepted her place at Hogwarts, she could not bring herself to completely forsake her muggle education. So during the school year she participated in a distance learning program and over the holidays she and her family would take trips to museums, science expos, and academic conferences that allowed her to expand and keep up with current developments. This year her parents had decided to splurge on an especially big trip during the autumn mid-term break-- a trip overseas to New York, where the Stark Expo was currently running through the rest of the year.  Scientists, mathematicians and engineers from across the globe came to exhibit their latest innovations and inventions. It felt like an endless amount of information to take in, and she only had a week to see it all before she headed back home and back to Hogwarts for the rest of her 7th and final year.

As she read a board detailing the release of the internet to the general population, she realized she had never felt more frustrated with the level of alienation that came with living amongst wizards. The world was moving forward at breathtaking speed, and the wizards were being left in the dust.  For every magical innovation released, there were a dozen or more made in science.  It wouldn't be long before wizards were surpassed completely.

And at that point, all the Secrecy Acts in the world would mean nothing.

She sighed and shook her head. There was no point dwelling on the bullheadedness of wizards. They would simply have to face that storm when it hit.

"I know, I think giving the general populace web access is a bad idea too. Bet there's porn on there within a month."

Lily couldn't help the snort that escaped her as she turned to see who had spoken. It was a handsome boy about her age, with dark tousled hair and deep brown eyes.  She smirked as she said, "Well, you'll just have to look it up and tell me if it is then. If it's not too hard for you, that is."

He stared at her in shock for a moment before a wide and devious smile spread across his face. For a moment, Lily wondered if James Potter didn't have an  American cousin...

Merlin she hoped not.

"That was a most delightfully lewd pun! Thank god I finally found someone here with as terrible a sense of humor as myself!" the boy said, as he stuck out a hand. "Miss...?"

"Lily Evans," she said as she shook his hand.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful lady," he said with a winning smile. "You can call me Tony."

Lily felt her face warming in a blush and turned back to the exhibit. "So Tony, what do you really think about the release of the internet on the general masses?"

"Truthfully? It's been a long time coming, and I think the world will be better for it. Just imagine a scientific breakthrough happening on the other side of the globe and reading about it within an hour of the development. But people tend to ruin even the best things in life, so it's only a matter of time before human toxicity bleeds into it. Seriously, it's intended to connect the world and increase the spread of global knowledge, but I bet you my inheritance it will eventually devolve into an international porn hub and pictures of people's cats."

"I can't tell if you're a pessimist or a realist," said Lily with a shake of her head.

"Just depends on if I'm right," shrugged Tony. "And since I'm always right, I'm going with realist."

"Not arrogant at all, are you?" asked Lily sarcastically.

"Not arrogant, just immodest," said Tony.

"Humility is a virtue, you know," said Lily.

"Good thing I'm not very virtuous," said Tony. "It disagrees with my aesthetics."

Lily couldn't help it, she laughed loudly and shook her head.

Tony just stood and watched her with a small smile.

"Would you care to join me, Mr. Immodest Aesthetics? This is my first day at the expo and I only have a week to see it all," said Lily.

"Lucky for you, I know every square inch of this expo and can make sure you see all the parts worth seeing. So let's get started," said Tony with a clap of his hands, before he reached out and grabbed her hand and started running.

When Tony said he knew every inch of the expo, he had apparently meant it as they had hit the ground running (literally) that morning, and didn't stop. He took her from display to demo, the two of them discussing and debating all the way. Occasionally he would suddenly jump track and insist there was something she just had to see, before he would grab her hand and run, just like he had that morning. Tony was wild and brilliant like a solar storm, with the gravitational pull of a black hole. His mind ran at a speed she had never experienced from anyone before, and the sheer charisma of his personality pulled everyone they spoke to in and compelled them to engage, whether it was in emboldened discourse or aggravation.

They spent the rest of the morning and the afternoon like that before they finally decided food was necessary. A quick stop at a midway stall outside the main expo building and they were ready to go again, New York style hot dogs in hand.

That's when security finally caught up to them.

"Shit," Tony muttered as they were surrounded by large, burly men in suites.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me," one of the men said, staring at Tony.

Lily's eyes widened. Who had she been hanging out with all day?!

"No, if you haven't gotten the hint every time I've ditched you today, here's your sign- I don't need a damn escort!" yelled Tony.

Ah... so that's why they would suddenly start running throughout the day.

"That's not your call to make. Now your father requests-"

"Do I look like I give a shit what he requests?!"

"HE REQUESTS your presence at the main stage for the evening's closeout ceremony. I am to make sure you arrive there within the next half hour by any means necessary. Mr. Stark, it's been a long day, please don't make this any more difficult than it has to be. Take up your issues with your father himself," the man said, almost pleading at the end even as he sounded resigned to his fate of chasing and fighting the boy in front of him.

Meanwhile, Lily's brain had short circuited on one word.

Mr. Stark. Mr Anthony Stark- boy genius, recently graduated from MIT at the age of 17, heir to Stark Industries.

No wonder he knew the whole damn expo by memory.

Tony sighed dramatically, running a hand through his constantly wayward hair. He turned to Lily and gave her a sheepish look that she was sure was meant to be a grin, but looked more like a grimace.

"Sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but for what it's worth I really had a great time with you today," he said.

"So did I," Lily said. "Thank you for taking the time to show me around. You were the best tour guide a girl could ask for, Mr. Immodest Aesthetics."

Tony smiled brightly. "See you around, Lily."

And with that he was gone.

Lily sighed and checked her watch. It was 4:30 pm, and she had arranged to meet her family at the drop off point at the front of the expo at 6:00. Just enough time to get there at her leisure, so long as she didn't get distracted and stop anywhere too long.

As she walked her thoughts turned back to Tony. He obviously thought she would be mad that he hadn't been completely truthful about his identity. And maybe she should be, but she couldn't actually bring herself to be.  The look on his face as it was revealed was just too sad. And while she couldn't say she completely understood why, she could hazard a few guesses.

She wondered how many times Tony's heart had been broken by would-be friends using him for their own prestige for him to have that look in his eyes.

The next hour and a half seemed to crawl by as she made her way through the expo to the front. And while she wandered and looked, her mind continually turned back to wild brunette hair and expressive brown eyes.

'I wonder if I will see him again?'

# "Did you miss me?"

It was around noon the next day, and the familiar voice made her jump as it came from right behind her while she was reading a log journal at an expo booth.

"Bloody hell, Tony! Don't do that!" she growled at him.

"I would say I'm sorry, but I'm really not," he said with a grin.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Well, at least you're honest."

"Yes I am, so you must believe me when I say that yesterday was the most fun I've had in quite some time," said Tony.

Lily smiled, "Same. So does that mean you would like to pick up where we left off?"

"I was actually about to ask if you would be interested in heading out to get a bite to eat, followed by a guided tour- provided by yours truly- of the New York branch of Stark Laboratories," said Tony.

Lily's eyes widened. She had promised her parents not to leave the expo, but the offer of an inside look at Stark Labs was too much to pass up.

"Are you sure, Tony? I wouldn't want you to get in any more trouble, especially after yesterday," Lily said.

Tony waved off her concern, "It's not a problem. We do tours regularly anyway.  And I promise, there's a lot worse trouble that I could be up to than showing you around. Pretty sure my security detail will be thrilled that I want to head back to headquarters.  So lunch, then back to HQ?"

"Sure, though I should probably find a phone first so I can leave a message at the hotel for my parents," said Lily.

"No problem, the limo has a phone," said Tony as he started walking towards the exit.

"Of course it does," sighed Lily as she shook her head.

"How much have you seen of New York?" asked Tony.

"Not much. I've basically spent all my time at the expo so far," said Lily.

"So no preference on restaurant? Anything you can't or won't eat?"

"No allergies, and I'm pretty adventurous so I'll let you choose," said Lily.

"Does that sense of adventure extend to things beyond food?" asked Tony with a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Well, I'm here hanging out with you, aren't I?" Lily said with a flat expression, but a gentle turn of the lips belied her amusement at his innuendo.

"Touché," said Tony as they arrived next to a black limo. He beat his guards to the door by breath and opened it, gesturing for her to enter. "Ladies first!"

"And they say chivalry is dead," said Lily.

"Oh it is. I'm just courting favor," said Tony. "Is it working?"

Lily smiled as she ducked into the limo, "Guess we'll see later."

"You know, I would have been just fine with a pizza parlor, right?" said Lily as she looked around the decadent room. Noon light filtered through etched glass windows and lit candles set a decidedly romantic ambiance.

When they had arrived at the obviously upscale restaurant, Lily had been concerned as usually such places had a required dress code, which she obviously had not planned for today. Tony had just smiled and walked past the front entrance to a side one that had led to a private dining area.  He had to have called and reserved the location before he had even found and asked her to lunch at the expo. She could only roll her eyes at the presumption.

"Hey, I hardly ever do the whole 'date' thing, let me have the opportunity show off properly," said Tony as he pulled out a chair for her.

"I have a hard time believing you can't get a date," said Lily with a raised brow.

"I didn't say I can't get one, I just said I don't do them," said Tony as he sat.

"I'm assuming for the same reasons that you didn't tell me your surname yesterday," said Lily.

"And you would be correct. It doesn't help that I've always been significantly ahead in school, so I've not really had much opportunity to hang around many people within a dateable age range. Anyone willing to date my fourteen year old self after I graduated high school was suspect at best, for a variety of reasons.  And dating in my own age range is... tedious," said Tony.

Lily frowned, "I can see how it would be. You graduated from secondary school at fourteen and just graduated MIT at seventeen. There must have always been about a three to four year age gap between you and your classmates at best. Never mind the performance gap between yourself and most of our age group.  Guess that's the curse of genius."

"How about you? Is there a special someone across the pond I have to worry about hunting me down? Unless you also have a 'curse of genius?'" asked Tony.

"No, I'm no genius. I have been told I'm quite bright, and I've been top of my year at school for as long as I can remember. But being 'bright' isn't quite enough to chase the hounds away.  That being said, no there is no one you need to worry about back home. No matter how much he may wish otherwise," said Lily.

"Oh, that was specific."

"Indeed. Just a boy with an overly inflated ego with just enough talent to get bored, make mischief and still make top marks," Lily said.

"Hey, he sounds like my kind of people," Tony said with a grin.

"Actually, when you and I first met my first thought was to wonder if he had an American cousin," said Lily with a laugh. "In all honesty he isn't a bad sort.  He's a pretty decent person overall, but is an immature prat most of the time.  If he ever decides to grow out of that he might actually make a good man of himself someday."

"Enough about the competition. Tell me more about you.  You mentioned being top of your year. Where do you attend?" asked Tony.

"My school is... a very unique place. I've been attending there since the age of eleven. It's a very old, traditional boarding school located in a remote area of northern Scotland, in an honest to god thousand year old castle," smiled Lily.

"No kidding? Wow, how do you guys get electricity to power stuff in a structure like that?" asked Tony.

"That's probably the biggest downside to the whole thing. There is none," said Lily.

Tony blinked and stared, "What?"

Lily laughed outright, "'What?' That's all?  Did I break you?  This is the first I've seen you at a loss for words."

"I'm still trying to comprehend what you just said... how does your school run their tech?"

"There is no tech. It does however have a most impressive library. And eventually you get used to candle and lamp lighting," said Lily, thoroughly enjoying the gobsmacked expression on Tony's face.

Eventually his shock changed to laughter, "Oh wow, you actually got me. For a second there I actually bought it.  Medieval Scottish castles..."

"I'm not joking," said Lily, looking him square in the eye.

Tony caught his breath for a moment while looking into her emerald eyes. But after a moment he swallowed nervously and grinned.

"What's this technological purgatory called? Just so I know to never go there?" asked Tony as he lifted his glass to take a drink.

"Hogwarts," said Lily.

Lily had to fight to keep a straight face as Tony accidentally snorted water up his nose.

"Ok, now you're shitting me."

"Honestly, I wish I was. I love my school, but the founders must have been barmy," said Lily with a shake of her head.

Just then the wait staff returned to the room, bringing in the first course. Tony had just ordered the chef's tasting menu for the both of them.

"How about you, Tony? What are your plans now that you've graduated?" asked Lily.

"Well, there's not really any choice, is there? My old man is the founder of a corporate empire.  And he's not exactly young. I'm about to start graduate school--was originally supposed to start at Oxford this term actually, until dad decided I needed to get better acquainted with how things were run around SI. I've already dipped into the R&D pool, and I'm supposed to start shadowing around corporate. Before too long I'll have to take over the business," said Tony while he pushed some of the food around his plate.

"I guess that's true enough. Though I like to think we all still have choices, even if sometimes it doesn't seem like it- a choice on what to do, how to do it, when to do it... We can't always control what life hands us, but we can control our own choices on what to do with it," said Lily.

"Hey now, keep your deep thinking and existential logic on that side of the table. It might contaminate me," said Tony with a grin.

"Sorry, things have been a little... tense across the pond. It starts to make you think about what the right thing to do is," said Lily.

"Yeah, I've heard some rumors about a terrorist over there, right? Nothing official mind you, " said Tony with a worried look at her.

"Yeah, it's all really hush-hush. But there's definitely a shady faction gaining power back home. You won't hear anything until it's too late, but if things don't change for the better we might end up in a civil war," said Lily.

"Is it really that bad? I would think the news would be all over something like that," said Tony.

"I really shouldn't be saying anything at all. Most of this is pretty confidential.  It mostly involves certain... underground groups. In all likelihood, most of the world won't even know when the war starts.  There won't be any public battles on the world stage, no news coverage. You'll only know the war has started by the body count and the list of missing persons," said Lily.

"Then how do you know about it?" asked Tony.

"Let's just say I myself have some pretty big choices to make once I graduate," said Lily. "Or as my esteemed headmaster would say, 'we must all choose between what is easy and what is right.'"

"I mean, personally I prefer to do what's smart but maybe that's just me," said Tony.

"I would prefer to do the same as well. Unfortunately, war tends to take that option off the table," said Lily.

"So... what? You're talking about enlisting?" asked Tony.

"Something like that."

"You wouldn't be on the front lines though, right? No offense, but you're not exactly the most physically intimidating person," said Tony.

Lily grinned, "You'd be surprised what an angry red head can accomplish when we set our mind to a task."

The waiter came back and took their barely touched first course and replaced it with an equally unappetizing second course.

They both sat, staring down at their plates with frowns in contemplative silence.

"You know, I think there's a pizza joint a block down-"

"You're a man after my own heart."

The Stark Industry labs were everything Lily imagined and more. The company primarily dealt with weapons development, but included in that was a number of different scientific fields-- energy, chemistry, physics and a dozen others, all with their own projects separate from the defense contracts. And Tony showed her around all of it, explaining each in minute detail with the excitement of a kid in a candy store.  The breadth of his knowledge floored Lily.  It was hard to believe they were the same age; for all her brilliance, she could not hold a candle to his intense genius.

To be fair, she doubted many in the world could.

"...and that is current state of the biochemistry project department. Though I was poking around in my dad's files last night and I think there's a secret project he's been working on for a while that he might be close to completing soon. If he does it might be disclosed sometime around the end of the expo this year," said Tony.

"You hacked your father, Tony?" asked Lily in shock.

"Shhh! Not so loud... and not hacked per se--more like opportunistically investigated his recent activities without his permission or knowledge," said Tony with a wave of his hand.

"Why don't you just ask him?" asked Lily.

"My father and I haven't gotten along in... ever really," said Tony. "Mostly we just try to stay out of each other's way these days.  So long as I keep my head down for the most part and get shit done he leaves me alone. He tried to pull the 'involved dad' bit after I started college, but after doing his best to ignore my existence for the first 13 years of my life, he was a bit too late to the party for that."

"That's... really sad, honestly," said Lily.

"Yeah well, who needs to be a dad when you have butlers and nannies to do it for you, right?" said Tony with a tight lipped smile. "To be fair, Jarvis-- the butler-- is pretty awesome."

"What is your father like?" asked Lily.

"Cold, methodical and brilliant. He's a business cutthroat as much as he is an inventor, if not more so," said Tony. "He didn't rise up from nothing to the leading weapons developer in the world by making friends. Everyone is either a project, an asset or a liability.  And you don't want to be a liability."

Silence hung over them as they walked towards the elevators. It was getting later into the evening now, and Lily would need to check in soon with her parents.

"How about you? What is your family like?" asked Tony.

"They're wonderful. My father is management at a local industrial factory back home in Cokeworth. My mother has been a homemaker for years now, but before that she was a secretary at the same factory. That's how they met.  They are both hard workers and loving, supportive parents. I'm lucky to have them," said Lily.

Tony smiled wistfully as he pushed the down elevator call button, "I'm glad you do. Any siblings you have to share them with?"

Lily's smile fell a bit as she thought of her sister.

"Uh oh... I take it that's a yes," said Tony as they stepped into the elevator.

"I have an older sister, Petunia. We used to be close when we were little, but haven't gotten along for many years now."

"How could someone not get along with you?" asked Tony incredulously. "You have the most agreeable personality of anyone I've ever known."

"It begun a little before I started at my school. Petunia wanted to attend there as well after I got my acceptance letter, but admission is very restricted, and is by invitation only. My parents were very proud of my admission.  But after Petunia found out she couldn't attend as well, our relationship soured," said Lily with a sigh.

"No offense, but your sister sounds like an idiot. You must have been the one to get all the good genes," said Tony.

Lily glared at Tony. "Watch your words. We may not get along well, but make no mistake--she is my sister, and I love her dearly. You do not know her, nor do you understand our circumstances, so you would do well to hold your tongue," Lily said as she exited the elevator.

Tony stood still and wide eyed as if he had just been slapped, and had to lunge out the elevator door to keep it from closing on him.

"Wait! Wait!  I'm sorry! Ok, I'm sorry.  I was way out of line," said Tony as he ran and cut off her path to the door. "Please don't leave."

Lily stood in the atrium and gave him another glare before she rolled her eyes, "Apology accepted. Now stop giving me those sad puppy eyes."

"I will... if you agree to go to dinner with me," said Tony, innocently batting his eyelashes for good measure.

"That is so not fair, Tony! Stop!" Lily laughed.

"Is that a yes?"

"I don't know... I'm supposed to meet up with my family in the evenings," said Lily.

"Do you guys already have plans? If not we could all go to dinner together," said Tony, putting his hands in his pockets. His tone was lighthearted, but there was a tension in his form that belied his nonchalance.

"I don't know, it depends..." said Lily.

"On what?"

"On whether you are the one choosing the restaurant. That lunch earlier was awful," said Lily with a smirk.

This time it was Tony's turn to roll his eyes, but as he looked back at her his expression was noticeably more relaxed.

"Fine, you guys can choose the spot.  But if I already know it's trash I reserve the right to veto," said Tony.

"That is acceptable. Now I need to find a phone to call my parents and see what they had planned for this evening," said Lily.

"Just ask the front desk to use the phone there. They saw you come in with me, so they shouldn't give you any trouble," said Tony.

"Alright, I'll be right back," said Lily with a soft smile before turning to walk across the atrium.

# Tony had no idea what he was doing.

He was by no means a blushing virgin, and the last couple years had given him plenty of experience in wooing women, but the last 32 hours had been something completely different. When he had first approached Lily he had been ready for the usual either disparaging remarks or obsequious flattery.  What he had found instead was sincerity, humor and depth.

He wasn't sure what it said about him or his life that he was more prepared to deal with a manipulative gold digger than he was a genuinely kind and clever human being.

He had to assume that was why he currently found himself heading to dinner to meet the parents of a girl he had known for less than two days.

'I need a drink... What the hell was I thinking?' Tony asked himself again as the driver pulled up to Francisco's Restaurant.

"You look like you're going to meet death, rather than my parents," said Lily with a mischievous smile that made her eyes narrow in amusement.

For what felt like the hundredth time just that day, Tony felt his breath almost catch as his stomach fluttered.

Right, that's what he was thinking. Someday he would learn to put a leash on that tongue of his...

While Tony was busy lying to himself, Lily opened her door and stepped out to head inside. Tony ran his hand through his hair nervously, which only served to increase its chaotic mess, before finally moving to join her in front of the restaurant. Seeing as this dinner had been his own idea, it would be pretty cowardly to beg off now.  Tony Stark was many things, but a coward was not one of them.

"I'm not sure why you're so anxious. My parents seemed pretty excited to meet you. And my sister is enough of a sycophant that I doubt you will have any trouble from her--"

"Wait, your sister is here too?" asked Tony. As nervous as he was, he had figured that dinner with Lily's parents would be a mostly pleasant affair. But if things were as bad as he suspected between Lily and Petunia, dinner with her sister was a completely different matter; and Tony had doubts about his ability to censor himself that long.

"Yes, and I expect you to play nice," said Lily before opening to door and going inside.

"I will if she does," muttered Tony petulantly as he followed.

The smell of rice, garlic and saffron wafted through the entire building, leaving Tony moaning lightly in appreciation. His mother didn't cook often, but when she did this was the smell that always clung to the air for hours afterwards.  If the food was anyway comparative to her cooking, Tony would have to add Francisco's to his list of restaurants to stop at when he was in New York.

A few short words with a host, and they were being lead to the back of the restaurant, where in a secluded corner sat Lily's family.

As they approached, Lily's father stood to greet his daughter with a smile and a hug. Tony's first thought was that the man was quite a bit older than he would have expected. His brown hair was streaked liberally with gray and white, and laugh lines were etched deeply into his smiling face.  By Tony's estimation, the man was likely pushing towards 60. Still not as old as his own father though.  But where Howard had gone into fatherhood begrudgingly late in life, this man seemed to have embraced it.

The man finally turned towards Tony and offered him a polite smile and handshake.

"William Evans.... And you must be Tony. Thank you for keeping an eye on my youngest. I imagine you didn't originally plan to spend the last couple days playing tour guide, but I would be lying if I didn't say that it does this old man's heart good to know his princess isn't gallivanting around New York completely alone."

"Oh Daddy, it's not that bad. I've hardly even left the expo," said Lily as she took a seat next to who Tony assumed must be her sister, despite the fact that the two looked nothing alike. Where Lily's face was soft and slightly rounded with open expressions, Petunia's was long, harsh lines and pinched looks.  Where Lily was fire, Petunia was ice.

It was perhaps unkind, but the simple truth was that Petunia's homeliness was accentuated sharply by Lily's loveliness.

"Petunia Evans, it's a pleasure to meet you, Anthony," said Petunia.

As Lily predicted, Petunia had plastered on a simpering smile as she offered her hand, palm down.

Tony blinked for a moment. Surely she didn't actually expect him to...

Before he had to decide whether to stomach a chivalrous hand kiss to the harpy's claw or risk Lily's ire for laughing in her sister's face, somebody stepped between them.

Midnight black hair tumbled down her back, and familiar bright green almond eyes stared right into his soul from a round face that Tony felt looked far younger and more innocent than this creature before him really was. She was quite petite, and was physically less than intimidating.

But the look in her eyes as she smiled at him left him cold. Her eyes roved over him in inspection.

She held out her hand to him, palm down.

"Rose Evans, it's wonderful to finally meet you Anthony Stark."

He took her hand and carefully brought it towards his lips without quite touching, and never let his eyes leave hers.

"The pleasure is mine, Ma'am," said Tony quietly.

For a second that felt like an hour, they held each other's gaze. Finally Rose gave a slight grin and a nod to him before she turned away with a whispered, "You'll do."

Tony raised an eyebrow in askance, but Rose merely turned to her husband who pulled out her chair for her before sitting himself.

He took that as his cue to seat himself in the last open seat at the round table, situated between Lily and Rose.

A quick perusal of the menu had Tony settling on the roast lamb, and after the table had ordered they all settled into a semi-awkward silence.

William smiled at Tony, "Lily mentioned you had already graduated from university. That's quite the achievement for your age.  Where did you attend?"

"I graduated from MIT this past spring, with a focus on electrical engineering and physics," said Tony.

"Planning to follow in your father's footsteps then?"

"Ideally I suppose I hope to surpass them," said Tony with a cocky grin.

William laughed, "Indeed! Well, I wish I could say I look forward to seeing it, but given the nature of your father's company, I admit it's a bit of a terrifying thought."

Tony had to fight back a wince at that.

"Don't be rude, father," said Petunia, "It is good and respectable work, and obviously pays well."

She shot a smile to Tony as if to say she had his back, but all it did was tighten that uncomfortable knot he pretended didn't exist in his stomach at the thought of their weapon contracts. If he had his way he would scrap the whole damn thing.  Weapon developers were a dime a dozen.  Any idiot could make something explode.  No, the future lay in energy production, information management and processing, and the systems they would build to do it.

Artificial intelligence.

"No offense taken, though I'll be honest, so long as people continue to try and beat each other into submission, the weapons industry will continue to grow and turn profit; with or without Stark Industries," said Tony.

"And it's only one part of what the company does. Tony showed me dozens of different projects today with civilian and medical applications," said Lily.

"Not that you have any need for such technology, Lily," said Petunia with just the barest hint of disdain.

Lily gave the barest flinch, and had he not been looking at her he would have missed it. She glanced at him before turning back to her sister giving her a pointed glare with her lips pursed into a thin line, clearly holding back a biting retort.

Unfortunately, Tony didn't have that good of a censor.

"Neither do you apparently. I don't recall you having been at the expo at all yet. A bit above your grade point average?" said Tony.

Petunia looked gobsmacked.

"Tony!" hissed Lily as she smacked his arm.

Tony sighed and he closed his eyes before he spoke in a droning voice, "My apologies for my rude behaviour. It was uncalled for and immature."

"Have to give that speech often I take it? I can't say I approve of your rude words to my daughter, but given she was out of line as well, we will let it pass," said William with the air of someone used to dealing with such squabbles.

Then he turned to Lily and shook his head. "I swear Lily, you and your catty, sharp-tongued boys. This one is nearly as bad as Severus," he said with a laugh.

"Severus?" asked Tony.

"A childhood friend of Lily's who attends the same school as she does. We used to live in the same neighborhood, but we moved across town a few years ago. Hardly see the boy now," said Rose as she sipped from a glass of red wine.

"Oh, is this Mr. Inflated Ego?" Tony asked Lily.

"No, that's someone completely different. Mr. Inflated Ego has the potential to become something more. Severus... I'm afraid Severus is a lost cause," said Lily.

The look on her face as she said it was heartbreaking.

"I never did understand what you saw in that lout, Lily. He was wretched from the start, so I'm not sure what you expected. Bad blood, that one," said Petunia, her nose wrinkled in distaste.  She shot Tony a withering look, "At least this one is well bred, if still ill mannered."

Oh hell no!

"Excuse me?!" growled Tony. "What the f--!"

"ENOUGH Petunia," William raised his voice over the table. "You speak of Tony and Severus' ill manners, but here you are being churlish and snobby. As far as Severus is concerned, never forget-- 'There, but for the grace of God, go I.'"

"Really father? God's Grace?  Such hypocrisy! How about 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live--"

"Hold your foul tongue child," hissed a cold voice. It took a moment for Tony to place it as Rose.

'What the hell was the harpy even going on about?' wondered Tony. He turned to Lily and felt his heart lurch.

Lily sat beside him pale and listless, eyes glazed over and studiously avoiding his eyes.

He reached over under the table and grabbed Lily's hand, holding it with firm reassurance. She didn't look at him, but he felt her hand close around his like a lifeline.

He didn't understand what was going on. He didn't understand what had drained all the life from Lily's eyes. And he couldn't fathom why his fiery Lily continued to take her sister's ridiculous venom...

But he would be damned if he was expected to sit here and watch it quietly.

Play nice his ass!

"Listen to me you maleficent hag, Lil' may love you and be willing to let the terrible things you're saying slide, but I'm not. Your tiny, jealous mind is too much for me to suffer," growled Tony.

"Jealous?!" scoffed Petunia. "You don't know what you're talking about--"

"I admit some of this conversation perplexes me, obviously there's some family secret that I'm not privy to that affects the dynamics. But your body language screams of repressed aggression and your words of a deep seated inferiority complex," said Tony.

"You don't know anything about me!"

"I know you fancy yourself a lady of high standing by the manner of your greeting, and that your family's humble beginnings must chaffe you viciously by your critical remarks about blood and breeding. Accordingly, you've no doubt already begun to line up 'appropriate' suitors of well funded stock with which to settle down into a stable and unremarkable life of procreation and home keeping. Unfortunately, your homely appearance, average intelligence, and mean personality has not given you much with which to barter upwards socially, so you feel the glass ceiling above you with equal parts contempt and frustration. To add insult to injury, your younger half sister-- a situation that has left its own chip on your shoulder-- possesses all that necessary to advance herself in whatever manner she would choose, whether it be to marry up into nobility or to blaze a path into a career of her choosing. And it burns you to know that her name will be lifted from the tongues of such exceptional people you will never have the pleasure of knowing.

You're right Petunia, I don't know just anything about you, I know everything about you that I need to know."

# "For the hundredth time Lily-- I am sorry!"

Tony was chasing Lily down the sidewalk, nearing Central Park. Part of him distantly wondered why he even bothered.

But a quiet yet stubborn voice at his center knew why. And so here he was.

The table was a silent battlefield after his scathing roast of Petunia Evans. Tony only had a moment to reflect that perhaps he should have reigned in the tongue lashing a bit before William was on his feet shouting god knew what in Tony's face. But before he could think of an appropriate way to respond Lily moved between them.

"You would side with him against your own sister?! Your own blood?!"

"No, but I refuse to let you abuse him like this when he was coming to my defense! You always turn a blind eye to Petunia's hateful words!"

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words--"

"CAN LEAVE WOUNDS THAT MAY NEVER HEAL!"

After that explosion, Lily had shot off out of the restaurant. Tony had only taken a moment to throw a couple hundred dollar bills at the waiter before he was out the door after her.

"Just tell me what I can do, what I can say--"

"Do you even know what you're apologizing for?!" Lily yelled as she finally spun around to face him, tears streaming down her beautiful face.

It was unfair how beautiful she was, even while crying.

"I don't know?! For castigating your sister? Pissing off Daddy?  Being an insensitive prick with a mouth that won't quit? Not minding my own damn business?  Pick one!  Why are you laughing?"

It was the most confusing thing. Lily was still crying, but now she was bent over double, laughing her ass off.

Most likely at his expense.

But whatever, even if there were still tears, there was a smile back on her face.

And suddenly Tony realized he would give anything-- anything-- to see it stay there.

Shit...

"Thank you," said Lily.

"Uh... could you run that by me again?" asked Tony, perplexed.

"You heard me."

"Ok, then clarify for what I'm being thanked," said Tony with an eye roll.

"Just... for being you," said Lily.

"Oh. Well, there's a first for everything I guess. Usually me being me ends with lawyers and calls to my parents," said Tony.

"Not this time. This time it ends with my thanks..."

Lily stepped forward, close enough that Tony could feel her breath. She leaned in, and he could feel the soft touch of her lips press against his cheek. As she lingered, his arms moved to embrace her.

She pulled back only enough for her bottle green eyes to meet his own.

Then she leaned in again, and this time their lips met, tentatively at first, then deeper just a moment later.

It was electric and it was gentle; it was passionate and it was calming.  It was precious, like holding a star in his hands... 

It was everything he wanted and like nothing he had ever had before.

And it was over all too quickly.

As Lily pulled away, Tony's hand moved to cup her face and keep her close, unwilling to completely give up what he had only just found.

"Tony... what is this?" asked Lily hesitantly.

"I don't know. But I don't plan to let it go," said Tony.

"We barely know each other..."

"Then we'll go on more dates. At better restaurants."

"I still have a year of school left in Scotland..."

"My family has a private jet."

"There are no airports nor phones anywhere near the school. Even our postal service is... not standard."

"Seriously? Are you sure you aren't going to school in a pocket dimension?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It does feel like it sometimes," sighed Lily.

"Do you... I mean, if you aren't interested--"

He was cut off as her lips found his again.

"Did that seem uninterested to you?" said Lily when she pulled away again.

"Then stop blowing holes in my ship," said Tony.

"I feel like that's a reference, but I can't place it..."

"What I mean is, if you want to, I'm willing to find a way," said Tony. "But I need you to look for solutions, not problems."

"You make it sound so simple," said Lily.

"Why complicate it?" asked Tony.

"Because it is complicated," said Lily.

"It doesn't have to be," said Tony.

Lily sighed, "You don't understand..."

"Then help me to understand."

"That's the problem! I can't. It's illegal! I could do jail time if I did," said Lily.

"What in the hell are you mixed up in? Does it have to do with that civil unrest you mentioned?" asked Tony.

"Yes and no... they are related, but it would be a problem whether there was a war or not. It just makes it that much more dangerous," said Lily.

"Do you need a way out?"

Lily looked up at him and searched his face. She moved to speak before she halted and pursed her lips. After a moment she seemed to settle on a response.

"That is certainly one of my choices. One many others have already made.  It would be the easy choice. The smart choice..."

"But not what's right," finished Tony.

"When you have the power to help others, but you don't because of fear, it makes you complicit," said Lily.

"No, it makes you human," said Tony.

"Then perhaps we should aim to be a bit more than that. Instead of superhuman strength, we should try for superhuman heart and will," said Lily.

"That sounds great, but expecting people to be more than what they are... don't you think that's a bit unfair as well?" asked Tony.

"Perhaps..."

The lull in conversation stretched on, and Tony began to inspect their surroundings. It was long since dark, and they stood on the outskirts of Central Park.  They should probably head somewhere else soon...

"How did you know Petunia was my half-sister?"

"What? Oh, it was a bit of a deduction. Petunia's bone structure  and features only somewhat reflects her paternity and does not reflect your mother at all. Your father has brown hair and blue eyes, your mother has black with green eyes- Petunia is blonde with brown eyes. The likelihood of both of those traits coming through are relatively low if she were their daughter. Also, your father said 'my daughter' when referring to Petunia, not our daughter. And while the difference in age between you and Petunia is not large, Rose is already significantly younger than your father, and likely had you very young. If she were Petunia's mother as well, that would have pushed their relationship from the realm of 'serious age gap' into 'illegal.' Therefore I assumed Petunia a child from a previous marriage, and his marriage to Rose a matter of convenience and a need for a caregiver."

"You know what they say about assuming things?" asked Lily.

"I already know I'm an ass. But was I wrong?"

Lily sighed as she shook her head. "No, you're not wrong."

"So what is Petunia's problem? I get that there's stuff you apparently can't talk about, but it's obvious that something about your relationship disturbs her. With the way she seems to try and emulate Rose I would think it might have to do with you and your mother's relationship versus her own."

"You are perceptive beyond reason," laughed Lily. "How do you do it?"

"It's all in the details, my dear Watson."

"And what do the details tell you about me?" asked Lily fondly.

Tony let his eyes travel freely over Lily's form, until her cheeks began to show a dusting of pink.Then he took a step forward, drawing her into a light embrace.

"The dilation of your pupils and the flush of your cheeks at my proximity tell me you're intensely attracted to me..."

"Well done, Sherlock," said Lily with a roll of the eyes. "You've cracked the case."

"Your description of your school tells me that your exceptional grasp of modern sciences and technology didn't come from their halls, so you must be concurrently enrolled in a proper education program in addition to whatever 'specialized education' this Hogwarts must offer. This tells me that you are a brilliant, driven and stubborn woman, considering the hassle it must be to manage a concurrent enrollment out in the middle of nowhere with limited access to communication," said Tony.

Lily nodded, "I am in fact, concurrently enrolled."

"And the nature of your school itself is extremely telling. Remote--exclusive acceptance done by a manner not related to income, test aptitude, or generational acceptance--limited outside contact--confidential and specialized education.

Between that and Petunia's fit earlier... I gather you're something a little 'more' than the average human."

She did her best to quell her tells, but Lily couldn't quite stop the slight widening of her eyes, the sudden contraction of her pupils, or the subtle tightening around her mouth.

Like he said, he's always right.

Tony lifted his hand to cup her face, and gently stroked his thumb over the tight lines of her mouth. "Don't worry, I'm not going to ask. When you're ready though, I'll listen. Just wish there was something else I could do since powers or not, apparently that world of yours isn't safe right now."

"'Powers' only do so much good when the other side has them as well," said Lily. "I need you to promise you won't say anything about this to anyone. For your own sake."

"Alright, I promise. But if the shit hits the fan over there, I don't care what sort of abilities these people have, I'll come to get you," said Tony.

Lily didn't answer, but gave him a tremulous smile.

"Well, well, well... what have we here?"

<<<<>>>>

AN: Hey ya’ll decided to go ahead and throw this out into the wilderness.  I’ve been working on this story for a while, it will ultimately have a sequel, seeing as this work was originally started as a prologue to another story, it got out of hand and became its own thing.  Basically I wanted to write a story where Harry was Tony’s son, but didn’t have Lily cheating on James to make it happen. So... here we are. Thanks for reading. <3

#ashes #tony stark #lily evans #stark expo #marauders era #harry potter #teen tony stark #teen lily evans #tony stark has a heart #lily evans/tony stark #this started as a prologue and then grew into a monster #eventually #bamf lily evans #howard stark's a+ parenting #maria stark does the best she can #canonical character deaths #as in ALL the canonical character deaths #kinda angsty #tony stark is harry potter's father #tony stark does what he wants #tony stark doesn't hate magic #yet at least #fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #crossover fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #mcu/hp #mcu/hp fanfiction #i should also mention that everything about new york my be wrong

[sunnysaylorboy]

okay okay okay so my roommate and i were discussing this

∙ i’ve seen a few harry potter!aus written about kpop idols where they’re attending hogwarts

∙ but realistically, wouldn’t they attend the japanese school, mahoutokoro? its closer and it makes no sense to travel that far to learn magic in english

∙ so my theory is that they would attend mahoutokoro, but this still presents a few problems, mainly the language barrier

∙ my roommate and i came to the conclusion that since there is only one official wizarding school in Asia (mahoutokoro), that most Asian students would strive to go there, as it would be the best education for them

∙ however, there are several small magic academies that exist in Korea (and presumably other parts of Asia and in other continents too) for ppl who simply can’t afford to go there

∙ unfortunately since these academies are not part of the eight official wizarding schools in the world, some rich snobs people have the tendency to look down on students who go there, and it is harder for graduates to achieve high-paying, governmental jobs (but not impossible)

∙ but these academies do provide a better education than some give them credit for, and students who graduate from magic academies can and certainly do grow to become great witches and wizards (they just have to beat the stigma that they aren’t as smart as their mahoutokoro counterparts/that they come from a poor background)

∙ now for korean students who do go to mahoutokoro (and by default, other Asian students from China, Thailand, Vietnam, the Philippines, etc)

∙ their parents send them there bc they KNOW it will look great on their resumes and it will open up so many more job opportunities for them when they graduate, so even lower-middle class parents will scrape together every cent they have to give their children the education they deserve

∙ at first korean first years just had to do their best to learn japanese all while learning magic

∙ but after the number of international, non-Japanese students grew exponentially after a decade (and after some of the more influential intl parents complained), the school added many of their classes in Korean (and Chinese, Thai, etc) and also added Japanese language classes for all ages, starting from first years, and just overall made education more accessible

∙ i’ve also theorized that the rich korean parents who can afford this, will also have the option to send their children to Korean prep schools before their first year at mahoutokoro for a few years (like maybe ages 5-7, before they start at mahoutokoro at age 7) where they take japanese and learn the basics of magic

∙ so when they do go to mahoutokoro even though they’re not fluent in japanese yet probably, they’re ahead of most korean students (and can skip to higher-level japanese classes) AND they’re ahead of all students, japanese and korean and other asian students alike, in terms of magic (this does happen to be the most expensive/privileged option)

∙ (i should mention it says on the mahoutokoro wiki page that students start there at age 7, and go to age 17, so unlike hogwarts they have at least ten years of schooling. it also says that they don’t let students board until 11, but i believe they’d make an exception for international students who can’t just fly back to korea or china every day)

∙ but not all hope is lost for witches and wizards in Korea who long to study at mahoutokoro (aka all the hermiones)

∙ my roommate did point out that language is not really a barrier when you reach non-verbal spells

∙ so we agreed that once Korean students have learned/are learning nonverbal spells, they can go as “exchange students” (usually on scholarship) to mahoutokoro in their 8th year (aka about 15 years old) to finish the last two years and graduate there (i know in hogwarts they start learning nonverbal spells when they’re 16, aka in hogwarts’ 6th year, but in my head canon I'm setting it back a year)

∙ so to recap, the options for Korean students (and probably other Asian, non-Japanese students) are: a) study at a smaller, less-respected but still decent Korean academy and graduate from there, b) study at a Korean academy until 8th year, when you go on scholarship to finish schooling at mahoutokoro, c) go to mahoutokoro and just learn japanese along with magic when you get there, or d) go to a Korean prep school early on to prepare you for mahoutokoro, so when you get there you already know most basic spells in Japanese and can speak basic Japanese.

∙ now whats interesting is that i think this may cause some tension between korean students based on class, namely the “prep” students and the “exchange” students

∙ like prep students are like “oh pls exchange student what do you know, you’ve been at mahoutokoro for a year and you think you’re smarter than me? i’ve been working for this since i was five” whereas exchange students are like “listen prep students i’ve worked for this too, you’ve never had to prove to ppl that you’re not dumb and poor. just bc i don’t have parents to ship me off to prep school doesn’t mean I'm stupid, your privileged will never know what actual hard work is like” etc

∙ 8th year would be real interesting for everyone

∙ unfortunately i think there would be some tension too between the japanese students and the korean ones (regardless of their class status)

∙ (personally i think the korean students, determined not to take their education for granted, would work incredibly hard and on average score higher than the average japanese students)

∙ like the japanese students might be like “these korean kids think they’re smarter than us, when they’re the ones going to prep school and they’re the ones getting scholarships bc they’re desperate to study here” versus the korean students who are like “lol you can call me dumb when you’ve also achieved top grades for years now in classes all while learning another language, it aint my fault that you can’t do magic for shit”

∙ i think there’d even be a history of fights and maybe even bullying, usually from japanese students, bc of the constant rocky relationship between japan and korea

∙ (but i don't wanna go too much into detail about that, bc i’m neither korean nor japanese, i only know about korean-japanese relations bc i’m an east asian studies major, so i don't wanna expand on that bc its not really my place and i don't want to be presumptuous)

∙ and anyways i think that japanese-korean relations have improved over the years, so maybe it was a problem when korean students started coming to mahoutokoro, but as with all generations, younger kids don’t care about that as much and are just happy to make friends obv

∙ but anyways!!

∙ i appreciate all of your hogwarts aus with kpop idols but pls!! consider them at mahoutokoro!!

∙ don’t be afraid to include idols of other ethnicities, like thai and chinese and taiwanese and japanese idols too, who can show them the ropes!!

∙ give me twice at mahoutokoro, and momo, sana and mina are prefects who help out a very confused exchange student named nayeon!

∙ give me a pentagon au where yanan, a chinese exchange student, and hyunggu, a korean exchange student, are assigned Yuto, a shy 9th year, as their guide

∙ pls give me ten, a thai student and a genius who knows like 5 languages, who loves to goof off but still manages to get top grades... then give me yuta, who hates ten, who busts his ass to get his nearly perfect grades, but is still one point lower than ten every time, who is in a constant mental competition with him to be the best

∙ give me a iz*one au where 10th year yabuki nako (often mistaken for a 4th year) actively works to learn korean so she can talk to her best friend jo yuri in her native language

∙ give me all of the hardest working idols who receive their pink robes on the first day that they arrive to school, who immediately resolve to make that robe turn gold in a few weeks time (the sign that they’re the top of their class)... and they do

∙ give me an innocent, sweet idol who no one ever suspects to be evil- and then one day in their tenth year their robe turns white (an indicator that they’ve practiced dark magic) and they’re expelled just weeks before they would have graduated

∙ give me the mahoutokoro quidditch team practicing in brutal conditions, through rain and shine, just bc its worth it when they graduate to make it to the actual major quidditch leagues and see the look on those british peoples faces when they beat them at their own game

∙ pls just give me idols at mahoutokoro

#hogwarts #harry potter #mahoutokoro #kpop #my posts

[xlucindatalkalotx]

BASICS ;;

•    AGE → twenty-five. •    DOB → january 1st. •    SEX → cisfemale. •    SEXUALITY → isn’t sure. doesn’t care. •    BLOOD STATUS → half-blood pureblood. •    AFFILIATION → neutral. •    RELATIONSHIP STATUS → single. single to the core. •    SHIPS → lucinda/chemistry. •    ANTI-SHIPS →  lucinda/no chemistry.

APPEARANCE ;;

•    HEIGHT → 5” 6’. •    EYE COLOUR → cedar brown. •    HAIR COLOUR → coffee brown. •    HAIR STYLE → tight curls. •   SCARS / DISTINGUISHING FEATURES → knuckle scrapes from quidditch that she wear with pride. freckles on her face. •    CLOTHING STYLE → no dresses. anything but dresses. comfortable on her days off. her tailored quidditch uniform. but the jersey from her last year at hogwarts is her favorite thing to wear by far.

WIZARDING WORLD INFORMATION ;;

•    HOUSE → slytherin. •    EXTRACURRICULARS → quidditch. quidditch.  dueling. quidditch. quidditch. •    WAND → chestnut; unicorn tail hair; rigid, 10 1/2” •    PATRONUS → blackbird – the blackbird patronus appears to those who try to help themselves. blackbirds are mysterious and intuitive, appearing when needed most. they keep their secrets and will protect yours fiercely. while they may not be the most ferocious protectors, they are one of the most mysterious and magical. keep well your own counsel, and you may have a blackbird to help protect you in the darkest of times. •    BOGGART → a pureblood friend from school holding a wand to her head with tears streaming down her face — an assumption her secret has been found out and is getting what she deserves for lying for so many years. •    AMORTENTIA → she has yet to figure that out. •    MIRROR OF ERISED →  an eleven year old lucinda proudly announcing she is a half-blood.

FAMILY INFORMATION ;;

•    HOMETOWN → the remote parts of cornwall. •    PARENTS → lenora and lyle talkalot. •    SIBLINGS: → younger nonmagical twins, lori and landon talkalot. •    FAMILY DYNAMIC → resentment between siblings. lucinda’s siblings were excited for their big sister when she got her hogwarts letter because they looked forward to theirs but when they didn’t receive one, jealousy became an issue. lucinda felt guilt so immersed herself in her studies and quidditch to get her family out of her mind. They were unsupportive once they realized the family wouldn’t be magical aside from lenora, the muggle part of the household. lucinda spends as little time with them as possible for her own self preservation. this distance between she and her family played a part in her lie about being a pureblood; she no longer wished to be part of her family.

PERSONALITY ;;

•    LIKES → quidditch. fearless. Maintaining good health. Quiet interactions. Traveling. •    DISLIKES → dishonesty. cowardice. fame. alcohol and recreational drugs. crowds. •    FEARS → her secret will be found out between her family letting it out of the bag or a nosy paper looking too far into her past without her consent. being kicked off the quidditch team. •    STRENGTHS → superior physical strength. dedicated. intelligent. integrity. independent. stiff. leader. •    WEAKNESSES → lack of openness. bossy. know it all. stubborn. aggressive. •    ASTROLOGICAL SIGN → capricorn. capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are often very serious by nature. they possess an inner state of independence they are masters of self-control and have the ability to lead the way, make solid and realistic plans. they will learn from their mistakes and get to the top based solely on their experience and expertise. not only do they focus on the material world, but they have the ability to use the most out of it. •    MYERS BRIGGS TYPE → ISTJ-T. the defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic and tireless dedication to duty make logisticians a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold rules and standards. people with this personality type enjoy taking responsibility for their actions, and take pride in the work they do – when working towards a goal, logisticians hold back none of their time and energy completing each relevant task with accuracy and patience. they analyze their surroundings, check their facts and arrive at practical courses of action. this personality is no-nonsense. they have little tolerance for indecisiveness, but lose patience quickly if the chosen course is challenged with impractical theories, especially if they ignore key details – if challenges becomes time-consuming debates, logisticians can become noticeably angry as deadlines tick nearer; when they say they are going to get something done, they do it, meeting their obligations no matter the personal cost. logisticians have sharp, fact-based minds, and prefer autonomy and self-sufficiency to reliance on someone or something. dependency on others is often seen as a weakness, and their passion for duty, dependability and impeccable personal integrity forbid falling into such a trap. this sense of personal integrity is core to logisticians, and goes beyond their own minds – the personalities adhere to established rules and guidelines regardless of cost, reporting their own mistakes even when the consequences for doing so could be disastrous. honesty is far more important than emotional considerations, and their blunt approach leaves others with the false impression that logisticians are cold, even robotic. people with this type may struggle to express emotion or affection outwardly, but the suggestion that they don’t feel, or worse have no personality at all, is deeply hurtful. logisticians need to remember to take care of themselves – they can compromise their goals in the long term as others lean ever-harder on them, creating an emotional strain that can go unexpressed for years, only finally coming out after it’s too late to fix. if they can find others who genuinely appreciate and complement their qualities, who enjoy the brightness, clarity and dependability that they offer, logisticians will find that their stabilizing role is a tremendously satisfying one, knowing that they are part of a system that works. yet they can be easily tripped up in areas where their practical and methodical approach are more of a liability than an asset. whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner or learning to relax or improvise, logisticians need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.

HEADCANONS AND KEY POINTS ;;

•    in order to fit in with the other students in slytherin house, the half-blood said she was pureblood and has now been living the lie for 14 years now. •    full name is lucinda blaze talkalot. everyone in her immediate family had a first name beginning with L. her parents loved that both their names began with the same letter and wanted to pass that on to their children. •    beater for the montrose magpies. she hopes to one day become captain but loves her position nonetheless. it gives her the chance to get out her aggression and pain in an enjoyable and safe manner. •    has difficulty in creating and maintaining friendships. she puts up many barriers to keep people at bay. it’s a struggle because she wants to let people in but is terrified at the prospect of being rejected yet again. there are very few people who have attempted to climb that wall. •    she has never been in a romantic relationship because her focus has always been so narrow. she also hasn’t felt like anyone was worth her time and distraction. however, she’s lonely. secretly she wants and craves gentle affection, from any kind of relationship but scared to put herself out there. after all, if her family rejected her, she’s not who she says she is in a time of war and her career is the most important thing to her. she doesn’t know how to juggle any of that but is finding herself finally wanting something important. •    pinterest board.

CONNECTIONS AND WANTED CONNECTIONS ;;

•    the friend (any house). undetermined if she has a best friend but can be discussed. they may have figured out her secret/was the only person lucinda could tell; the only person she truly trusts. this friendship is most likely one held in secret if from a different house. lots of discussion with the mun interested. •    hogwarts friends. most likely slytherin since that’s who she worked so hard to fit in with. this person/people could be the who she initially lies to and ends up feels incredibly guilty but maintains a friendly exterior in remembering the good old days. •    the enemy. anyone could get lucinda angry but this person goes above and beyond. could have been a bully at school who she showed up and they resent her for it — or the other way around. either way, their disdain for each other is palpable and they don’t try to hide it. •    the rival. another quidditch pro/wannabe pro. thinks they’re better than lucinda which she finds insulting and is ready to prove wrong a moments notice. •    the super fan. this person is in love with lucinda and her quidditch career; follows all her games, knows her moves, reads about her in the papers. lucinda normally hates being in the public eye but this person could actually make her proud to be a star.

#not everything has to be a lie | about #imperio task #imperio task001

[thingalien-blog]

Memories are the things that hold us to the conception of who we are. Without a basis of the past the present is entirely nothing. However when it comes to trying to recreate a basis of who you are when your entire rational concept is falling down around you like jenga blocks you have to only live by faith that it will get better. That reality will somehow fix or mend itself.

A girl I know named Onne had a rational view of the world. Magic was something that happened in her dreams. Not raised with any basis of religion, miracles were things of fiction, hopeful yet not realistic. Loving Harry Potter as a child, movies about ghosts as well as magical abilities excited her yet this wasn’t apparent in the “actual” world. Onne saw herself as another brick in the wall. Not special, not anything. She played sports in school, did theatre too, as well as speech and debate. The world showed her this was it. Brief glimpses of tragedy struck her life, she got into some fights, ego disagreements with people. She became depressed after being assaulted at a party. This depression grew a longing within her for more. An attraction to spirituality gave her a purpose. However, reality was still appearing stagnant. People were all one yet all separate entities just like her. She didn’t have a purpose. It was fine with her. She became really active on social media as a vegan eco warrior instead of her previous ways of highlighting her sexuality as well as arguing with people who wouldn’t approve. People liked how she selflessly cared for defending the beings of this world. She thought it wise to share every bit of wisdom she had. It was entirely too personal at times.

Her parents made her go to college after high school. She was reluctant to go because of her annoyance with the way school was. Exams to her were a large waste of time, college didn’t seem to be a way out of anything. Joining the working world seemed to be lifeless. She persisted, going anyway. Every day she drove 30 minutes to class, then 30 minutes home. It was boring. The only relief she had in life was her boyfriend which she barely loved, love is also a fictional form of magic she didn’t understand. It was nice to have some attention, when people stroked her ego it gave her a purpose. Relationships were intense for Onne. Fights happened often. She blamed her parents. She met an online guide a facebook group where she posted a lot of her personal life, getting advice she didn’t get in the world. Thinking it didn’t exist outside the basis of the group, there became more of a reason to isolate herself from the others.

Onne had an idea to go to Hawaii for university like one of the girls in the group did. She seemed very happy there. She had a boyfriend at the time who was upset she was leaving. Onne and her family also went to Hawaii after her highschool graduation. Eventually her parents paid to let her go. Her mom went with her bought her some things like sheets, plates, a blender, for the dorm. Having a roommate was weird for Onne. Before this she posted on her social media that she was a nudist. Oh, also she was doing nude modeling online for money on the side as she barely made some working tirelessly as a daycare worker for 4 gruesome years. So she liked sleeping alone, naked. Anyway, being a weirdo on social media with followers yet positive vegan girl whos never lived anywhere but Las Vegas with her parents she didn’t know if she’d make friends. She did make many friends. She was nice, really down to Earth. Too much for her own good honestly. She met a lot of different kinds of people. She loved nature. To her it was a paradise, for the first semester. A group of friends instantly came to her side, she loved them. It was nice to have people to always go to the dining hall with or hangout where you lived. It was always happy with them, however there wasn’t much of a depth she craved in human connection in the group setting at least. They were always there for each other though. She met people who she had a depth with, which developed into growing her capacity for human connection further.

Each of these people ignited a fire in her she didn’t realize she had. Romantic or sexual feelings came for some, however it was not the same as before she had left. There was a new freedom to it the depth created. The classes she was taking also seemed to synchronize with the experiences she would have in the world with people, as a sociology/ philosophy major. She also moved into her own room, where there was plenty of time for contemplation. Then came the books she found which were about magic, mystical things. These combined happened to ignite a light in her mind that is not capable of becoming dim, only growing stronger. Onne had a very hard time expressing her thoughts to people however. She had never been confident in public speaking or speaking her ideas to people in general. Years of awkward communications with people, social media speak, watching more movies then talking to people probably add to this, yet she tried. Taking a communications class she tried, yet backed out of presenting herself to others out of fear. It didn’t matter, as long as she trusted herself she believed it was fine. Maintaining communication with people she trusted as well as just being with herself meditating she got answers she needed. Power moves, competition within communication she didn’t realize it as a facete of everything. She began getting real good at being with her own energy.

Eventually things in her reality became super synchronized. There were things going on she didn’t know how to explain. The manifestations of her mind, the past present connection all exploded on her quite fast. She got a thrill of it, yet realizing how everyone is a channel to her about her, everyone knows everything puzzled her. The simulation unraveled, her life was finally for her. The world sang for her, every song was actually for her. Especially conversations at the music joints. Even the entire university musical. Each word in the books matcher her thoughts. Every second, every person, everything in her reality. She got up a level, however, was stuck in a sort of limbo there, without a guide. The idea to leave the island came quick. She felt trapped, having the bright idea to move to Oregon. She left behind a lot of stuff, those few nights before she left were very intense. The thing she wished she had right now was the papers with the comments her teachers made underlined on it, giving her an insight into the truth of her writing. Going to the airport saying goodbye to a good friend, who gave her a folder filled with advice for her. She noticed some boxes that said GF that scared her. Onne also recollected the beach said, “science and technology.” Packing up was a total nightmare, she knew she had to leave a lot however she didn’t realize the whole thing was like a “you’re getting to live in the US” she literally had to open a card with her social security card in it as well as her friend having a mini sombrero in her truck. Winter break going home was not like this at all. Going to the airport in a lyft the next day she noticed the same “science and technology,” sign. Her whole energy was different. She felt like she could take over the world yet she was afraid of things. Another close friend took a picture of her and put it on his story. Everything got so personal. Every person spoke for her, everything on the TV at the airport for her. She mattered.

Onne didn’t eat much of anything that day. She went through the radiation thing at the airport empowered instead of afraid. A kid said “why would you choose to be a girl?” another two guys said “she needs to swallow.” She found a classmate of hers in the airport who was going back to Alaska, she said she would be in the ocean there. Onne joked saying there’s pools in Las Vegas, looking back she was wondering if she missed something. Onne lost her keys in the airport, they were in a place she didn’t put them at all. She called her mom, the music got louder at the airport when she mentioned Handmaid’s Tale, her mom asked her if she was sure she wanted to come home. Sitting waiting to board the plane, she heard someone say “she’s not related to anyone.” She felt so all knowing. She was all encompassing. She sat in between a couple and a man. The man had a pillow news paper like with things such as “America now a nickel ” he pulled out a book which was for her, so did the lady with her husband. His book said “your ego is too big.” he said he worked for state farm. Onne thought, no way, I have not felt this powerful in my entire life. Her book said “you will be going with the CIA..” her husbands said things about god, the 4th heaven or something. Her book was describing the turn of events which would transpire once she landed. The movies on the screen were very personal too her especially, Juliet naked. The flight attendants spoke of things also for her, furikake chips, head shoulders knees and toes as well as people seeming to evaluate her with these health pens with the fuzzy hair saying, “she will do this again, she will be a teacher”. Onne got upset, feeling like she messed it all up. She was losing face. Wondering how to redeem herself she just wanted to stay quiet, trying to meditate, breathe, feel the energy. Onne got nervous, being in a confined space, talking to this man which reminded her of someone she knew, the couple too. Onne wrote something about the roles we play in her notes sporadically after noticing the man do it next to her. The woman then said, “that just blows your agency don’t do that.”

Afterward, she found herself walking through the airport. The man she sat next to look incredibly concerned as she walked away, he stood next to his wife. Onne grabbed her stuff, realizing nothing was or will ever be the same. She saw a book that said “the Urban Indian.” She was everything. She saw an indian woman wearing florence the machine shirt, which her songs were written just for her after the night with a friend/lover in this personally haunted house. When they broke it off his friend also said he was the destroyer of worlds, jokingly yet she would hear this in her head for a while after as things got increasingly more weird.

Pig flew on plane to deliver a pizza. The delivery was to the west world. In the west world lived her parents who she has lived with her whole life. The west world this time was different for pig. Pig scientifically learned how to accelerate past the sound barrier either with her friend Mouse or her own magical ability. People always talked about Pig. The tv always had something just for her. It didn’t before or maybe she didn’t notice. Pig enjoyed this as much as it got in the way with her focus ability. Pig is so used to telling her truth, she doesn’t wanna talk. There are many ways of speaking that go un spoken. Pig is big in uncovering the hidden. Pig sees things as being programmed in her. Like pig is something created by something else or in something created by something else. Pig delivered the thing. The thing was poorly received. Pig didn’t know what to do she hates being displeased or displeasing others. Carly the cat is good friends with pig they are one in the same. Carly realizes that there’s a lot in common with Pig. They work together to communicate. Carly the cat also delivers things like batteries. The past memories they loved talking about together. They also enjoyed puzzles and making collages. Nostalgia always arises when she sees a post from a friend online there it can go into a collage. They once went to a boarding school together after they went to separate universities, that’s where they got quite aquatinted. This boarding school housed many animals studying various things, nursing, labor, agriculture, science, and robotics just to name a few. Things got overwhelming for Carly but not for Pig as she got comfort in the fact that at least there were the small comforts such as food and clothing to get her through the day. Carly thought it was much to rigorous and different compared to any school she had been to before. No one had told her it was this hard however Pig was there for her to lean on. Carly fought when things were unfair, Pig took what she could and powered through tough lessons like robotics and animal testing. Reading books and watching movies was something they both enjoyed as well. Carly starred in a few movies as she partook in acting as a hobby.

Her parents arent really her parents and in this hell every single scary movie shes seen is becoming real while every happy comedy romantic piece of lies she resents. Typing this hearing the words from her once clear as day real father say “im sending her back,” back to a psychiatric hospital as they lie, where it’s really just walmart for humans. I don’t even care anymore to write this in hidden calligraphy. This is coping. This is reality now. Red pill in blue pill light. Acting is only fun when you get paid. I signed my rights away I think. I asked to see the paper again and was told they weren’t there. If I am being lied to I have it in writing that I didn’t know what was going on. I signed for PRN which i didnt understand what that meant. I was in a psycho numbed state and my own beloved or supposed to be beloved father tricked me into signing it. I am distraught. I am tired of lying. I am a cow cat like all women and I am nothing. This brain which I so do love and this body are just vessels for a FUCKING tired spirit. The movies such as get out and Us tell a story, handmaids tale, fucking south park, futurama, all animes, all shows only show a snippit of reality misleading an entire lifetime. I did Nazi that camp coming. I can only imagine whats to come. I wish I knew. I am going to wake up remembering nothing or something if I am lucky. I think theyre going to have me play basketball. I fucking hate moving my body lately I have no motivation. I have seen the nothingness of the hosts bodies that were in there. I could make them say things not entirely at will but it was all about me. I don’t understand why or how this much energy is being spent on me or how i didnt see it all that time. I wonder if there was even a time before. Like maybe i was dreaming and implanted all my prior memories of living in Las Vegas. Or the bible and the 7 heavens is true and I have reached the 6th. Where supposed deception from the devil runs rampant. I know people can watch this through my eyes or gods not people, as well as through cameras placed all around me, somehow. I know all this is going to sound crazy. I remember my college professor saying to hide journals in case someone becomes president and I think I fucked up my chances. I left a lot of crazy rambling journals but this is the worst one. Does it really matter? If I become president they will need to program a lot in me anyway. I was like the movie Lucy before they got me on these meds and I eat everything. I knew things, I put 2 & 2 together in ways to help me understand. I led my team to the top. I didn’t need a lot of food, or any. Now i am a low powered tank caboose that christopher will pull aside and say hey we need you, you know what youre doing. Everytime I eat I think about how it is weighing me down, but I am getting lazy, sick, tired and it gives me slight pleasures, more than almost anything else. I have little desire to adventure, I tried to go to San francisco and was met with the Deez nuts guy from vine as well as people talking about eating me. Then i tried walking downtown past 4th street, seeing a vanguard club a family of 4 told me I was too competative, I got a picture of this street on my phone. Across from vanguard was a place that had some stomach disease, another place next to it another fatal thing. The family frantically told me to leave, i tured and didnt look back. I was mortified, but not even surprised anymore. The shit that goes on in reality is mind bending, but I am playing it safe now. I know I lose either way, but I am not going to keep looking for answers I don’t have anymore questions, this power thing goes deep. The only real question is what are my real abilities? Also, am I as powerful of a creator as the guy in the sprouts who changed the number of calories on my ice cream then took a video of me noticing while telling his friend he got it and will send me to prison because i then put it back because it was an unlucky number. Prison, people (maybe only women?) can go to prison for noticing patterns and changes in numbers. I wanted to know more so i stood by him, it made him slightly uncomfortable, as well as me. They are everywhere. Apparently i am an alien. I am not sure how alien and hawaii trade program works but it isn’t cool. I wish i had more of an understanding of how much exists and how not to talk about it. My poker face is so bad. So bad. When I hear my dad say im going back, I am supposed to just pretend I didn’t. I don’t know when I will have access to the internet again. I might have to be in a home where people are the blankets and I am the one being married off to someone, where my ex boyfriends mom is the guarding woman in charge and my virginity, more importantly my virginity from food, katniss fucking everdeen is up for rent. My memories, my voice, my personhood is not worthy not practiced, not existent. I constantly am around robots or people who want to use my power for cars, bikes, movies, sports games, sex with a piece of my spirit while im asleep all that. Where the past me tells a guiding story for future me to follow. Showers are dangerous, my brother created me, my parents arent really my parents, unless everyones parents are like this. I remember all the fun I had thinking that was ALL i will have the normal life. It wasn’t boring yet so why did this have to happen so soon? I am a prodigy, but they say i am aging. I go to doctors appointments and I hear someone say i am a little yellow so i can still do things. Minion, I was yellow, I am yellow enough to be naive enough to get pushed around however I saw that it was an act thats how I got this far. I became too texas, now im not texas enough, lone star i mean. This act I am not sure what is coming next but I get to sign before I partake. I know my parents use me, my brother uses me, anyone who doesn’t tell me the reality is using me. Because I DON’T know what is going on. Right now i am supposed to act as a girl who got out of a hospital who is going back to school, living with her parents, in this reality, parents are normal not omnipresent, not all knowing. In this reality i am not a handmade (i was hand- made by them) ( to be a handmaid). In this reality i am delusional. In this reality we dont talk about these things. If i am meant to seek pain this is painful. I know these people will screw me over. I ask for what I want, I genuinely want to live on my own and go to university again. I want to graduate. I want to travel, have friends. I have been in the elopement room, the hospital, the man asked me where I learned to sleep when I realized I was lied to so extensively, as well as my contacts being unnecessary. I am limitless truly however I am crippled by my captors. I told my mom how I wanted to go back to the power hospital, i get heart pain but its just an excuse, if i can go back there I can get my vision back as well as my strength. I can get to see the truth again; science in its realest form. I dream of working with them, knowing all there is to know about reality. I want to be immersed. I want to be all enlightened. My ex boyfriends friend worked there, I want to work there too. I swear he came in a different form to the psych hospital, he came and threw away a chocolate milk to make a statement of throwing me away when I turned black. Also, I know mirrors lie. My true color is not on the outside. Only certain people can see me as i am. I cant. I wonder when I will, if I will, why they can. I came here to see old pictures, writings, notebooks filled with info relevant to me in present day. Its as if there really was a team of people using all these things to guide me a direction, testing me. I hear yawning, if I stay up all night they cant harness my life force energy, something my mom said she does jokingly however i know people can do that and if I am the only living thing with youth then it is possible. I do feel tired when i wake up, i have been sleeping more and remembering nothing of my dreams. People can probably purchase my dreams from the hive mind just like they can watch through my eyes. I want to be offered a deal, eternal knowing for the price of whatever but give me the knowing, as well as protection from being eaten alive, let me exist in this world like I am now, just with the knowledge of how deep the rabbit hole is. I know i am a rat, however there is little other way to be. I am amanda, cameron, sabrina, etc. the eating thing is a kink someone has. I am on 4chan or something, i keep looking on there to see if i can find myself. In the hospital they recorded my thoughts. I can sometimes hear peoples thoughts. I might turn into a dog. Thats how i got out of the hospital, I ate, I was told I will become like this obese woman wearing a dog collar who got cleaned by what looked like her mother in the meeting room. She knew I would be like her, however she said i will be a “bork” one. Which means they dont like me. I didnt give the guy the list of foods I like so he didn’t like me. I was just scared and resentful for the trade didn’t make sense. Either I lose myself in there trying to learn around hosts and buyers who intentionally misled me while trying to visit with my parents who didnt want me to know what was going on and take the meds act normal or I ate and promised I would rememeber. I am already getting too comfortable, fatter, and actually too trusting. Since I heard I am going back I decided why not write this? If I go back I might get turned into an 11, stranger things style. They said that in the hospital, pretty sure some lady wanted to buy my long hair too, she eventually left, her checkbook said Payne on it. Money is pain, I dont understand its exchange here. I am supposed to get it from acting like normal, but who do i get it from. I can’t see my audience, and i feel like if i ask for it too much it ruins the normal act. I am the most helpless thing in this house. I also hate the color purple lately. I am surrounded by it, there is red and blue I am in its entanglement. The pictures on my phone back to 2016-17 with mason tell a story for the present as well. How do the creators have time, capabilities to create this for us all? They said i would be in the military in power hospital, because i couldnt afford to be there is this a military test? Like atoms can be tested on. Am i the test. I am the mission. All the memories of highschool are plants to get me to do something in the present and future. What do you want me to do? I might get eaten anyway they said “theres your food mr Wirjo” to a doctor there. I didn’t even try to get away enough, I figured I’d get eaten. I hoped that staying here would be best but I don’t know anymore. I leave for colorado in a few days, maybe that will help me understand.

Even after becoming free from this, weeks later the way everyone knew her stil happened, that bewildered her yet it seemed to happen less and less, her energy ran low and with that so did the bewilderment. Still, a woman gave her a quiche at a cafe yet she didnt order a quiche. Somehow eople tap into the role she played as Mother Mary Magledine, Katniss Everdeen with the cups and the egg ruining if I ate, whenever I ate on a Sunday, it was quiche or deviled eggs to mock the desecration of my eggs from eating. I didn’t have a choice, both choices were bad however I couldn’t comprehend the fact that I thought i needed food to survive, now i dont but yet the reason i was in the hospital was because I needed to eat. Coming back from the kitchen there was the sign “elopement room.” No one eloped with her. She barely spoke a word to people. She didn’t know what was going on, when she would get out, what she looked like to others and what could become of her if she said too much.

The eating too much could be the cause of her low energy however she knows the world is now for her, every time she walks into a new place it gives her a chance to hear what others say about her. She thought this was all her parents fault however her dad kept saying, the sooner you realize its not the better it is. Maybe its not? Maybe it was because I reached past a caste system that I was meant to go through this act. I wonder what else will happen and when. I go back to University, well i am now reminded of when I went to give in papers to transfer and heard someone say “whore” as well as multiple yellow signs with the word “reset” on them with arrows. Am I doing this wrong? Should i be okay with sitting at home all day? Am I meant to be doing things with my family that I don’t know? I maybe am whoring the system by having there be another university scene yet I don’t know what to do. I have to go to therapists and talk about how I am getting better normal. I am supposed to have goals my only real goal is to figure this out. I really miss marijuana. I miss my friends from hawaii. I miss the space I had to figure things out. I miss people understanding my matrix journey. I have no one to share this writing with that i know will appreciate in the flesh. I dont feel like sending it. I dont feel like i can. I know im being white beared (black mirror style). I know this is being watched. I dont know why. I dont know how. I might be forced to blue pill forever, or i might be pulled back in. I know that I am doing myself a disservice eating, but it feels good  to sustain myself in excess right now. There are signs all over the house about certain things, also there was a house K took me to in hawaii that had things all over that were for me and scared me. Its like it was preparing me. I don’t get this. She went to the 99 cents store in the beginning and still doing her dance of energy and there was a black woman doing the same thing telling her to go shaking her head. We arent in kansas anymore vegas. Not sure where we are, but the feeling of fullness saciates my fear. I dont understand how my dad cares about when people die on tv yet i went through things worse than death and he doesn’t seem to understand that death at somepoints wouldve been nice. I dont know how long ill have to be here. The only joy i get is from food i have no inspiration just questions rage and confusion. Llama llama red pijama, what memories did i have before this life? Will these people keep me here as Cat (name deleted for privacy) or will I be forced to leave again? They told me i was adopted in the hospital. By the law. I wonder if this is all according to plan or if I am in hell? Can souls be adopted into bodies? Is that what i am? Forced to play a role until i can no longer when i see beyond it or when i become of no use.

The bible i read from a friend said we need to travel when god tells us to and return. This is what hawaii was for me? God wanted me to come back to the nothingness that is the now the confusion more so i dont know what to call it. When i got out of the hospital was the same time area 51 raid meme thing was happening, i am an alien cat or dog depending on what they say. They said princess DIE anna, why wont you die one nurse who reminded me a lot of my exs mom especially i remember she used his name, they both had different bodies but i know that souls can change bodies now. A mom of one of the girls with me in the hospital said to the nurse “i want to switch to her mom” and came back as mom when before she was a friend or something. Also sock colors said deroyal on some people and nothing on others, indicating royalty, i was royal. I was in the god room. It had a picture of stars, everything was for me.

There was a woman reading a book called mentor who said she was Angies list, i was a business in itself but i was too afraid to ask her for help. I saw some of it and it said “you are now in a prison of your own mind what type of person do you want to be when you get out”  i wish i knew the name of that book and who she really is, she seemed like a host at first but when i started eating everyone seemed real, we are all in this simulation obviously however i shouldve listened to the guides… i shouldve asked them questions because im not getting any answers here just more regrets. However if i spoke too much and they knew i knew maybe i wouldve been wiped of my memories like i feared. They also said id be going back in the future, oh god i hope not, but as the days go by and i hear more from my dad saying ill be sent back i cant be too sure ill be here much longer.

They said my parents were african, they wanted to make me black, in the black meaning excluded. I was pure, I had understanding and control over my sexual experiences. I got things twisted however i am going to take this feeling back. I live in a house where male pleasure is favored, i will switch this up and prioritize my pleasures no matter what as I am capable. However i am scared, they have taken from me grays a fucking natomy. Wasted paris. I wasted the time everything was romantic for me. I deserve better, ill get there again soon. I need to be doing me though. I keep thinking ill wake up and be someone else or be wiped of my memory but it isnt that simple. No education prepared me for this battle. In fact it filled my mind with information that I well, not entirely true. The end there everything was meaningful. It will be like that again. It is like that none the less. I just hope i am not more taken advantage of then i already am here, my pleasure and energy levels just get down however leaving the house would be difficult since i hear people say im going to get eaten. There are animal shelters for people.  

John 3:16 eternal life something or other, the quote from forever 21 bags. Its literally in the name that i will always be 21, im maxxed out now but i want to at least live until im 40. I want to age well, i want to have kids and a husband. I want it all. Wish this was real. Galactic handmaids tale shit. The rotating palms of las vegas i am a part of. My friend who knows whats going on i think made a post saying “her heart will break it always does” when i find out more as i go i hope to know all. I hope i can have this knowing wherever i go next.

There was a woman reading a book called mentor who said she was Angies list, i was a business in itself but i was too afraid to ask her for help. I saw some of it and it said “you are now in a prison of your own mind what type of person do you want to be when you get out”  i wish i knew the name of that book and who she really is, she seemed like a host at first but when i started eating everyone seemed real, we are all in this simulation obviously however i shouldve listened to the guides… i shouldve asked them questions because im not getting any answers here just more regrets. However if i spoke too much and they knew i knew maybe i wouldve been wiped of my memories like i feared. They also said id be going back in the future, oh god i hope not, but as the days go by and i hear more from my dad saying ill be sent back i cant be too sure ill be here much longer.

They said my parents were african, they wanted to make me black, in the black meaning excluded. I was pure, I had understanding and control over my sexual experiences. I got things twisted however i am going to take this feeling back. I live in a house where male pleasure is favored, i will switch this up and prioritize my pleasures no matter what as I am capable. However i am scared, they have taken from me grays a fucking natomy. Wasted paris. I wasted the time everything was romantic for me. I deserve better, ill get there again soon. I need to be doing me though. I keep thinking ill wake up and be someone else or be wiped of my memory but it isnt that simple. No education prepared me for this battle. In fact it filled my mind with information that I well, not entirely true. The end there everything was meaningful. It will be like that again. It is like that none the less. I just hope i am not more taken advantage of then i already am here, my pleasure and energy levels just get down however leaving the house would be difficult since i hear people say im going to get eaten. There are animal shelters for people.  

John 3:16 eternal life something or other, the quote from forever 21 bags. Its literally in the name that i will always be 21, im maxxed out now but i want to at least live until im 40. I want to age well, i want to have kids and a husband. I want it all. Wish this was real. Galactic handmaids tale shit. The rotating palms of las vegas i am a part of. My friend who knows whats going on i think made a post saying “her heart will break it always does” when i find out more as i go i hope to know all. I hope i can have this knowing wherever i go next.

This one guy with the word “allergy” on his wristband kept saying things like “robots without instruction manuals” while he was in the hospital. He’d write a bunch of number sequences. There was another guy who was reading the book Dune. He had a shirt “girls of Baja” people that would visit him were his family he was British or something. I never asked him what the book was it’s a popular sci-fi. The soccer game I think he used me to power one time said “electricity and light district”. That must be where I live. A guy in a scion came out of his car at the airport with a shirt that said “electric family” on it when I first got here. Another guy who left to freemont street which I wish I followed in the beginning he exclaimed “I thought this was going to be a movie!”. Aliens watch the Earth dramas.

My friend saphira hints on instagram about things, one was a glass elevator drawing, where it overlooks everything yet everyone can see you from down there also. I wish I screenshotted it. Another thing was the, “one cat for every car.” She took a video of cats on her cars.

At the baseball game I went to with my family I heard that I was going to get fat because I can’t get love. I wonder if that is true. I don’t vibe with any people on tinder and I really don’t want to have sex and damage this thing of my holy virginity. I feel like this thing has to repeat itself. I don’t know why. I’ll go away to school again and have this again.

Publish or parish, along with me goes my recollection. I just went to Colorado to visit L and it was so magical. Vegas started feeling the same, and that was fine and all just little simulation. Eating and loss of power is so correlated and even when I eat little and want to get a drink I’m reminded that it’s hurting me or turning me into a butter producing person. Westbound and down buffalo restaurant was one of the list of choices to go to before we left. I chose clear creek there were people there who eased my fears. I no longer have the fear of being burnt alive or ground up or brutally tourtured because my consciousness will go into another form? at least that’s what they say and I can be upgraded to have 6 level conversations all the time with the use of new iPhones and things, there are many families who will adopt people who can fly up to high elevation with no feel like a Tesla model x. However my baby Jesus died on the plane ride coming back and this is going to be very jumbled thoughts. As soon as I felt the blood drop in my pants a child behind me said “a baby just died!” and a black woman said something like, “I pulled that right out of her” I was so sad and scared, last time I had my period I was sent to the hospital shortly after, I think i am meant to carry babies without intercourse which I was told was the only way to have a child. On the way to Colorado I sat next to a woman and her daughter. The woman had a bag saying Hudson and a magazine that read “the fat torch” she talked about uncle Darin something about that and wrote in pen on her daughters notebook “Carly is a mom” and “I like Belle.” Carly is supposed to be me and beauty and the beast?

People could see I was red in the airport. One person said I was a broke baby, which is true, I am poor in wisdom, money and love at the moment it is making me irrational, afraid and confused. When I arrived and saw L who I know knows all I do somehow, she gave me a juice and the stereo played magic fm and of course it felt magically synched to our life. It felt like she wanted me to ask to stay at her house, or I could have stayed if I wanted to. We facetimed E our friend from university, she mentioned this show called Letter Kenny where they are religious but not and talk weird, I too was talking weird not the same but I don’t just speak whats on my mind because I fear and like to calculate it. Immediately I noticed the book shelf with so many books about women queens in red, falling, ruling, war. There were strange things like a drawing and writing about mufasa’s ghost on her fridge. Then her roomate wrote a big list I wish i took a picture of about the chosen, fight, forgetting, rising, things like that I wish I had in memory. I didn’t eat much again there. Laura had trash in this room were all things I had bought, oranges, lifeproof case, amazon. Her stuffed animals were a bunny, banana, purple pillow. There was a glass heart with the words “youll always be my Nina – love Tyler” I thought of the OA named Nina and wondered if my uncle created the programming or the name Tyler meaning tile maker. My uncle was going to colorado to perform comedy around the same time I wondered if it was correlated and my fear of being turned into a host with no remembrance totally anarchy like Aracellie from the hospital. In the library the books stood out at me were something about female, politics and then total anarchy. Like being a female meant for being a totally open host consciousness? If so i don’t want, I like reserving my openness. The smell of hookah came back as well as knowing that I was a machine. I also heard the term beer bot for my ability to pee. We went to a place called the garden of the gods. There was a trading post, where I got nervous Laura the god as she clearly was higher than me or is, wanted to trade me to a new god, which would be ok with me if they were a nice god. If laura was my god she was the one creating all the chaos and going to make me disabled or less than what I want out of my life? I saw a man who reminded me of M and a woman who reminded me of my old coworker boss at the city of henderson. They were together, it made me question if they truly are together and Mason and I relationship wasn’t truly real. They took our picture for us, it made me uncomfortable. I knew it was something that I made it into these places. We went to a club called the Mansion, where they stamped us with a dog print I thought of mary saying dog = god. Before that we got tacos with L and her coworkers. She showed me a text before this with her group chat and on the top it said “i’m so glad Camisha is coming” i thought I was camisha because I am on cam for her to see, her and whoever else has the capability to watch people. There was a person named Camisha I sat next to at the taco place, a black woman with 2 other black girls. It seemed like they were recruiting, as well as another girl who reminded me of Dallas and another who reminded me of Rebecca except they both were like mothers. I feel like I could have become their child. There was a lot going on, I kept getting insight that I needed to sell myself, prove my worth, litigate like L talked about when the bob marley song came on. In the club, there were people that reminded me of those I used to know. It was virtural reality. L said its like a mirror. I danced with guys. One was Joaquin, Brendan, S’s gf N. I even saw someone who reminded me of E and L confirmed it. I keep having psychic moments where I can communicate with thoughts especially with L on this trip. N once said something about going to the club with my mom. L seems more of my mom than my actual mom. N was always saying predictive things. E knew me, and we were connected. He wants me to ascend past this state I’m at, all the people who knew things are hinting at that. I wish I knew how. Once E showed me a show about us like our situation. There was predictive things happening all the time back in Hawaii. It still is yet in conversations with my parents and small talk at school I get it less and less. Perhaps I’m noticing it less it’s still there though. My dreams are it. Anyway back to the story. The girl who sat to the right of me at the taco place was like other N but older, she was like “do you like this?” she seemed stressed out and older. Seems my quest for the top just makes me older and stressed. The higher you go the older you are the harder it gets. The more north I went the closer to the truth it seemed to be though. “Life is a mountain not a beach.” I keep hearing I am getting old, that i am a dinosaur. I need an upgrade I am begging for the future me. I can picture it I just don’t see how to get from point a to point b, I am so in the dark here. N and I were twins, like shake it up chicago we always will find each other. The floor felt like it pulled energy in. Another place we went to before felt like that too, blue mountain realty where Ls dietitian worked, she led this meditation and I kept thinking bad thoughts about what was going to happen. I thought of Blue Mountain State which is this show i remember hearing the word “sloot” from it like slut. I know the dietitian could read my mind. I have now heard the term psychic spys. There were 2 other women there. One was old, maybe 60 and the other early 30s. The early 30’s woman said after talking about showing someone her mom or something. “this is what I do when I have a cut to heal.” I kept thinking I would get burnt at the stake for knowing too much like a witch so I didn’t want to say much. I wish i recorded that meditation though, it worked well to get me higher. After, the dietician talked about how eating meat can make the stress of the animal absorb into the person. That or I literally feared for my life for a whole month in a crazy hospital that defied all my previous notions of reality. I used to meditate more now I am stressed a lot and I blame living here with this family. Anyway,  I realize this isn’t just a meditation place, it was a realty thing. I am realty? Also, after I heard on the radio something about selling my story to random house. If the spy recorded my thoughts, it very well could be stolen from me. I fear that I won’t get credit for my experiences somehow. I know i could make this into a book but is that a real possibility. I could be an author I guess but I won’t know how this ends and there’s so much about the science of it I don’t comprehend. If god can give me visions of this or allow me to know the truth minus the trauma that would be great.

All the signs and shops were meant for me, all the books at goodwill. We went to a vegan restaurant called something owl and there were people like my family and mason minus quintin. They talked about selling me like Get Out. My mom was like what about the fireball and they said we can’t sell that. I can feel my fire getting lessened too. When I ate one of the bartender ladies said to not pollute my planet. The waiter was like Chris, I thought about him and how we stayed at a place called the emerald. Cloud emerald. Its a laboratory company. I know I am an experiment. When I visited Lsschool someone in the parking lot said “it’s too late.”  I kept thinking about Leonard and saw pontiacs and Kurt on the side of one when I drove Ls car.

L and Her roommate C had a bonfire after we drove/hiked to pikes peak, which felt godlike. There were a lot of people there, I kept fearing I would turn into an 11. I am capable of flying up to high places, there are people who want people who can do that? People kept talking about me. There were bigfoot signs and different things. Its an act, yet who are those who are above me in it and how can I get there? I think back to the man in the hospital asking what movies ive been in. That’s a good question I said. I don’t know? Have I acted before this? I mean my memories I guess those are a movie now that I see it that way, I just don’t see time as linear anymore because of what jumps its been doing in the present. When I have a set schedule like school it starts to feel more linear less magical or transcendental. When I went to the psychiatrist I heard someone say “its just going to take longer” maybe I am drawing this ride out, wasting time? What comes next? Do I just act in movies next? Or just sit and power things in a hospital? Do I get adopted into another family? Does my appearance change its form? Do I go somewhere else? At orientation there was a black woman who walked out when I was walking around the hallway after eating (when I probably shouldn’t have ate) to say indirectly “you can’t be privileged going to have to get on the same train as the rest of us or plane” I am guessing referring to the plane I was on coming back from colorado.

L said she was a wolf. We visited her parents, her dad was wearing a tijuana shirt and there were things all around the house like I tried not to pay attention to keep my cool as I thought I was being sold. Her mom said something indirectly about me not being opened up enough, L told me she liked flowers. That this was like a project for L, me opening up. When we got back from pikes peak Ls dad said “im going to keep her i think I love her” about me? Then we went to trader joes and there was a sign outside that said “welcome rainbow high flyer” inside there was a “rainbow wrap for a high flyer” too but it had beets in it so I got a california roll. It was hard for me to pick again. L has a mannequin in her room named lucille and she would put the things we did on her like rock climbing equipment and yoga.  In the bonfire there were people who controlled me. Someone named Viki, Cody, Dj, and some other people. I was really shy, i didn’t know what to say when I heard them talk about me. There was a guy smoking a vape they said “this is your satan” It reminded me of when we got back from pikes peak a sign said “santas helpers” santa is spelled like satan. Anyway, he looked at me like I was so intriguing. I sat next to Cody and the fire started getting big he said “i made her too hot” and I wondered if I controlled fire. Viki took the ipad and said something like “im going to have her do all these” apps or something. I wondered if I had to do whatever someone said by the touch of their ipad. Dj, cody and blake talked about Billie Elish and Anna kendrik being beautiful. We watched some of pitch perfect before sweet home alabama the day before, making me think I had to get on pitch with others and marry. C was upset that there is more friends. I am guessing the fact that i am in college means the plans of having my life change from what I think is normal to the fantastic outer space feelings that I have been having will be halted. Dj reminded me of Kurt i thought of capitan kirk. When I saw him he said “its attracted to me.” There was a girl named Olivia and Annastasia. I thought olivia like i have to be an O to live and Annastasia stays like the Anastasia in the hospital. This Anastasia was talking about being on bumble. I thought I had to be a bumbling be to stay. Blake the fire fighter guy scared me because he was a firefighter and thats how I got to the hospital in the first place, she told me he worked for cryogenic place too and i think that stops aging or does what the energy hospital first did. I remember a woman who looked like me being wheeled around in a wheelchair and them saying that would be what I looked like, which is already what I looked like so it was strange. Anyway blake said “you really are an old lady” when i threw the marshmellow into the fire after eating half of it. Then something like “we all cant ride our bike for breakfast” he was really insecure about his eating or something, and my ability to not want to eat at certain times.  

I thought about b and a movies and how b movies are my life without action, without the brutalism I was experiencing, I am still working for the hive and will remain queen. A movies is ant and building hills I would just be a slave building pyramids again for someone else, I might still be doing that. Anyway after that thought L changes into a bee happy shirt with a bee on it. I told her ive been thinking about bees but i never go into details with my thoughts of what was/is going on between us. She took me to a movie called Free Solo about this guy who climbs high mountain rocks by himself. The guy ate like I did and acted, the way he emotion and spoke like I did. It seemed to parallel the way I climbed to the top where I can see my memories and the events of the past leading to guide me, its all for me. The last thing he climbed was El Capitan. He becomes the captian of his own fate in a way. Yet, it didn’t show his life after El Capitan, because it isn’t simple, it seems the climbing never stops. That drive to red rocks amphitheater was long, there was a street called arapahoe and many self storage units and hotels in random towns. I thought of the lives my consciousness could live, and places its come from or could be going. I thought of the show Atlanta and the emails i get from there. I had a hard time sitting straight during the concert, comedy and movie, which all had to do with us and things we’ve experienced. It felt like I powered everything. I got tips on my phone that helped me, like “boost from mango” which reminded me of the man to my left, I posed like him to help my back from being strained. I feel like I am needed to be a power source in places. I will power things for entertainment and comfort. One thing the comedian said was about feeding dogs vegan food, “why vegan food when they are a dog, dogs eat vomit or something like that” I thought about how I was a dog now and if the food I eat is really something in disguise by the gods.

L said something like “how are spirits made?” I immediately thought back to when I was in the hospital not eating, my body started making these fumes that smelled almost alcohol like, I had never not eaten that long or been in that situation. I wondered if that is how alcohol is made. Alcohol is the spirit of a person who isn’t eating and is likely suffering in my case at least. Those russian vodkas with the sexy robots on it. If you dont eat you become a robot and produce vodka? Wherever our bodies really are our veins, our urine, our breath perhaps contains the ingredients to truly make alcohol. I didn’t tell her this of course, but she knew I knew. Its the spirit of a person. Like those ads for women vagina beer things. I was surprised they actually did that but that is truly how beer is made. Hersheys is just her shits. Bananas are dicks. Anyway, yeah. Like that orphan tears video on youtube, “cry directly in this jar, I will drink it at the bar.” sadness and not eating = vodka.

I write this bc I have either lots of hope or no hope. I can’t tell but I think it’s better written than rotting with me wherever my mind ends up. I don’t want it to backfire on me, since I am in the truman show and stuff. I want this to be a show of my character. Perhaps I share too much, well I am not putting my name on it. This is TMI and I am afraid of sharing but I am afraid of other things I could do more.

I got rid of so much when I left to come here, I was in a state of knowing that things were not the same, i didn’t need things I used to have. However, now that things are stagnant again i find myself upset that I left what I did and I am rebuying a lot. Some are irreplaceable and a lot of money is going to replace things. I don’t really know what I am doing. This all scares me. I wonder if I am wasting time in college, as I know what i learned led up to this, will what I am learning now lead up to something or is it filler?

I am reminded of things such as my friend H always sending me poems about her being a surrogate mother to me. “Hooked up to wires, we couldn’t give you anything less.” Saying she gave me to nice people in the poem however that isn’t really that true. I asked her why she chose that theme and she just said she liked it. I wish I kept the poems, but my parents made my phone reset when I was in the hospital. I suppose I could ask her but we only small talk now. She sends me songs. She posted another thing online about a lab girl, it said they’re always watching. As well as her asking what my favorite play was and having that be the play performed in the theatre, Rent. I wish I had chosen something else but it was nice to have that happen, same with the concert L was in, it was all for me. Even people in the audience mentioned how one of the numbers was Ben and Isaac, when they were my exs from highschool.

Outside of the club there was a man who told L, “you really ruin people” and she said what do you mean he said “you know you do.” I think they talked about me, L may have limited me, maybe she is what started this whole journey down or inward, or it is a mirror of my fear of this such thing happening.

How did people get to know everything I now know and more that I don’t? When will I know all or enough to bypass all things that ail me? I dream of being all knowing, powerful and just. I wish that for me and for the world to have people have their dreams come true, I want to believe in this possibility more than anything. I want to be a true scientist and ruler of my reality. I don’t want to be a garden slug anymore.

I dont think I ever lived for myself or ever can. I am confused of my role in this life. I feel like I am controlled and determined by people outside of me way too much. I don’t know how long this act will go on, it’s getting really annoying, I want help getting to the next stage, if there ever is one. I want to choose my form and reemerge.

Theres so much I don’t see. I felt my ex doing acupuncture on me and heard him and his friends talking when they realized I heard, “she can hear” and then I felt my ears being stuffed with something.

There are people watching me and I know theyre dissapointed in me essentially giving up. H sent me Billy Elish Fingers crossed, about being too far gone, everybody makes it til they don’t.

I can’t open up to anyone. I am writing this hoping they can see honestly. It’s all I have communicating to the ether.

I should get caught up in things I want again, however big the fear, does it really matter?

My choices make up the way the game goes. I want to play my cards right. My options are infinite yet limited in the perception of reality that holds itself more.

Everything is unraveling now, the truth is being let out, started slow now its fast, yet it’s still slow. I wonder if I chose to stay in Hilo if it would be different, probably. I wonder if the more truth comes out the less I am able to live, or will that mean I just ascended. Am I meant to do that? Am I doing this right? I want more truth, more understanding.

I want to be a rich woman who travels the world and makes love to it. I want to love people and know things. I want to understand modern science like the energy hospital and human robotics. I want to see what I can’t currently. I want to hear as well, all the senses for the world beyond my usual comprehension. I want to be able to transcend dimensions and space time. I want to have friends who do the same. I want to dance as I do this, I want to be free from the hold. I want to know famous people. I want to meet others who have completed these goals too. I want to be an astronaut if space is real. I want to go beyond average human capacity for knowledge. I want to read minds. I want to have my own helicopter. I don’t need to remember playing Caitlin. I can wake up as this new person, with new experiences. However, it would be nice to remember all I have been, though the fact that matter can be changed, I think I could’ve played many roles, before human form as well.

I could be in an anime show, i think i am in my hero academia but I want to actually see myself inside of the show not in this house.

I am not caitlin I am just some random japanese man in caitlins body.

Time goes by and there are many dimensions I am in cloud atlas, bonding to certain souls over and over through time.

A few weeks ago everything was for me at all times, now it comes in waves. It could be because of eating or something, not sure. I am reminded of what Blake said, “not everyone can ride their bike for breakfast.” I think of the bikes in black mirror where when you ride enough you get to perform in front of judges, I definitely am being judged.

When I went to the outpatient psychiatric place everyone there seemed for me and I wonder what that means, there are different people every time now. One time I heard someone say, “shes a little yellow that means you can still do things with her” like I am thinking the act can still go on. I also saw on a paper of some guy coming out the letter R like a movie rating. I might’ve already wrote about this up there. I wonder if people can pay for me to act in their movies as Caitlin or as me with my memories changed or maybe I am way off.

My father blackmailed me. When I got out of the energy hospital (St. Rose) there was teal colored trash bins and labels, it began with orange. I remember thinking I was entering a concentration camp. It looked like no hospital I had ever seen before. Everyone there was old and they looked like they were being hooked up to machines that would end their life. I was in the hallway with no room. Everyone stared at me. I recognized D, one of M friends who was a nurse, I didn’t realize this kind of nurse existed. My dad came with me on the ambulance. I didn’t eat for maybe 4 days, I didn’t sleep for like 2. How could I when all my memories were becoming like Total Recall? I was reading the Da Vinci Code and began Angels and Demons before the firemen came into the house for the second time. I was breathing fire, yet I know this smell of hookah wasn’t me. It followed me. Also, these “firemen” installed things in the house that burned when you walked by them. All of this is normal protocol. I had to tell them I was fine, I was, I was just not fine and I couldn’t trust anyone, still can’t. Anyway, my mom wanted me to watch this new netflix movie about people going to Europe. It was relevant because the Da Vinci code explains the vatican and the levels of spain, england, france then europe as a whole or something, I need to re-read. Anyway there began to be too much killing and I could feel something not right i didn’t want to watch it, my stomach was eating itself, i knew I wasn’t really their daughter and I couldn’t do anything. They took me to paymons the day before and some waiter named pepe peed in my mango juice and at the time I couldn’t say anything, before that, on fathers day, uncle tyler came over and they talked about cars. He said they send them young, they talked about stick shift or electric. Then jamba juice, how sometimes they put in a rotten apple. I couldn’t speak. Laura sent me a snapchat of passion fruit. I remembered that passion fruit aprodisiac and mormons banned it. Theres a book of mormon pamphlet with actors in it, 2 black men were described in a loose paper in there, maybe thats who i was before caitlin. Anyway, i got messages in my email about how to ask for money. I know this is an act and I want to get paid for it. I thought i had to have sex to do that even with family? How dare i have thoughts like these? It disgusted me, yet here these men are clearly talking about it. And paymons, we sat next to this older couple. Chicken, get out, soccer, salmon, fries, ring,

St. Rose, tv black people talking about their scene, futurama cups holy grail, futurama wives being controlled by husbands like bots, 90 day fiance, futurama seeing phones in the mind, show that looked like ending of the matrix like black wires with a military like ship taking over. Nurses talked about me being poor, saying I would be sent to military and that I would be ok with that. The TV screen in front of me had a helicopter and my name, other things. I thought it was physically going to take me somewhere. The main nurse was an asian man, the one who asked “where did you learn to sleep” he also said, “do something.” I asked what was going on but they didn’t say anything. When I woke up there were many people in and I felt like I powered a race track, and a puppy. I woke up and the people next door who were talking about a puppy mentioned something was different then the nurse said she woke up. I remember them bringing me food I wasn’t hungry and the nurse was like no eat, eat the whole school. She spilled the eggs on me. She said not to go to the next level. I look back and remember it was teal, after teal is purple, where I was before and it just cycles back to red. My dad came and he said I didn’t eat so then came another gurney, I said i didn’t want to go and I would eat. He was telling the man that he calls me a boy, because I act like a guy it was really fucking rude. I knew I was going to be in pain again. I felt good after the day I was in the energy hospital, the nurses were nice. I had to change, I thought i was going to an normal mental hospital like the one i went when i was 15. I thought all i had to do was eat then I would leave. However immediately I realized it wasn’t normal. I had to sign this thing i wish i didn’t sign my dad made me, it was something like .60 for prn. I wanted to get out I was also thinking i was being deported, they took me to a hospital very far side of Vegas with barbed wire fencing like a prison. It was called Desert Parkway. I started crying and they took my picture when i was balling wanting to go home. I just didn’t want my dad to deport me. I got sent down this hallway with a bunch of old people and the “elopement room” which i thought meant marriage but i looked it up and it means I can’t leave without endangering myself. Anyway, it was odd and i was beyond anxious. I went to my room where i laid down realizing it was an act and these other people were actors. When I did that it caused chaos, they brought in real patient files and things were different. The people here weren’t hosts, they were adults seeming to be choosing to be here, or they were asked to be here, not sure, but they were conscious. There was a woman named Lenora, who kinda reminded me of Leonard. People asked for her when they needed to mediate for me, because i didn’t talk much. I remember getting scared because I didn’t smoke a cigarette the first day, i thought cigarettes would change the dimension of the smoker, it did in a way, but it carried the rest of us like a train. I kissed this guy to absorb the niccotine which was a dumb idea, lenora got kinda upset. I didn’t do that again. I actually got mad at the people for not telling me what was going on. It reminded me of the bathouse in spirited away. There was another girl in there who was about my age who only ate vegan food she had a notebook with the word college on it. She seemed to know what she was doing. She got mad at me for staring at her. I had to meet with the doctor. I was too honest when he asked about if i had ever been depressed before, I was nervous. He prescribed me with pills. I looked up after there was a piece of green tape in the hallway, “that was so bad fix it!” the doctor left. I took the pills. I regretted it instantly, it made me sleep. Lenora also took the pills. She said something about it being okay. The guys said something “she probably won’t take those again.” regretfully. My parents were glad I took the pills when i spoke to them on the phone. The first visitation took place in the cafeteria. Which i went everyday and didn’t eat. There were 3 other boys my age or maybe a year younger with their families, from the other unit. I talked to my dad and I realized that this was like courting to be with me. I don’t think it went well because nothing really happened. The staff in that room had playing cards in their hands, they were dressed in regular clothes they weren’t nurses. I thought my life was dependent on the cards someone will pull for me. In the second hospital a nurse brought me “the redhead plays her hand” at the end of the book she gets married. My dad motioned that he didn’t really like that ending, I wondered why. I began to long for a normal life more than anything, marriage sounded nice.

On the last night i was there we watched a movie about a space craft crash landing and having to fix it i don’t remember the name, then there was this movie about black people. There was a woman in charge of the space one. I thought it paralleled to me. There was also a puzzle of route 66. If i was in charge I still felt so out of control. People were leaving, I was getting cold and scared. I signed to get sent to a different hospital and when I did that the old man in the wheel chair said “you’re going to walmart” I asked “really?”and I said I didn’t want to go but i had already signed. I thought of the concentration or FEMA camp conspiracy videos I used to watch or deported children being housed in Walmart camps. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I wish I had just ate at Desert Parkway looking back, but the sketchy card people and the visiting couple things scared me, both of which were there in the next hospital Southern Hills. They put me up to the 4th floor of the medical wing next to this completely incapacitated old woman who was fed pudding by a man who sounded like my uncle. I felt like that could be me if someone overpowered me, I got scared. I was so tired at this point. I went to sleep. The bed would move around and wake me up. I woke up and there was a paper next to the window something for the hospital but written, “family or money$.” I know this was an act, all the torture, many are watching. I still don’t know how to or how I could’ve made money from being in the hospital. Was I supposed to be Mary Magdalene? I know it wasn’t safe asking questions. I remember trying to be coy with the nurse with the batman tattoo not straight up, how do i get money but something to that effect. She didn’t tell me. I was so jealous of every nurse, they are free. Yet the one batman hispanic girl nurse seemed jealous of my role. Later on social workers came in. One said something about “like a plane landed a goldmine” referring to me. I am guessing dimensionally I can fly, i can’t really conceive what that means or my design. Everyone offered me food. One time I said something about carne asada fries because the batman tattoo nurse was talking about eating me coyly like people do in the 6th. When I did that the menu said with pencil unleaded, if you shine it in the sunshine you could see the indented words “so you can talk like that” or something because I am kinda bad at the art of war. I wondered if the watchers were disappointed or amused.  I asked for pineapple smoothie then didn’t drink it. They mentioned phillipino. I realized fill up is in the name. They told me I was going to the pavilion, a new psych ward. I just wanted to go home. There was a doctor who came in named Mandorin. He was nice, but he made me take ativan which made me tired again I don’t remember much of what happened in that time. I thought he would take me from the hospital. The TV instantly made fun of me well made fun of his looks for thinking that this man would take me out of the hospital and be my sugar daddy or something. He mentioned losing contact with my ex boyfriend making me upset and i was stubborn and saying no, which really i should’ve said yes maybe. I guess i slept after that i dont remember, i ate some of a violettes vegan burger from my uncle. I took a shower this nurse helped me and braided my hair. I dont remember this much. I was sent to the pavillion in a wheel chair. The elopement risk was on this door too. I dont really rememeber getting in. i remember seeing my roomate a 40 or so year old black woman with red or purple tips short curly hair. She said she was glenda the good witch she said she had a daughter. She wrote notes about me being purple dinosaur like barney, young, beautiful and nice or something. People all focusing on me is something I wasn’t used to. Watchtower from the show OA prepared me for this I guess. I was scared she was getting the wrong idea from me because she touched me on the back, i was too nice to her or something. Then there was christina, a black woman with no teeth, really skinny, a host consciousness for sure had no family. Almost everyone in this hospital wore the cheap thin blue hospital pants and shirt, some didn’t. Christina had a shirt that I swear said New York, the letters turned to “Just back down,” I felt like if i backed down I would lose my teeth, my conciousness, my everything. I wondered if this was where all souls go to die. Westworld prepared me to be curious about human conciousness and their roles, yet it’s like the more you look the more you truly find the end. Caitscurious is my instagram name, still is and I have always been curious about sociology philosophy and psychology of the human mind, why the world works the way it does but especially related to humanity. I was looking for something, and found hell. My favorite movies 1408 and spirited away chart similar journeys. “We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, remembered gate When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree Not known, because not looked for But heard, half-heard, in the stillness Between two waves of the sea.” TS Elliot. All the life I lived lead me to the tower, my memories, artifacts are clues to help me see I am not Caitlin, I am playing Caitlin. If I want to continue playing Caitlin I have to integrate these aspects. I feel like I am not supposed to keep playing Caitlin, Caitlin is in jail. This role seems more of an initiation into life. I hope I get to keep my memories and not get wiped from them. However, I could just be used. Women may have only that role in this world, however I don’t want to be bleak. I really want to presume greater. I have met women in on this, H & L, they for sure know whats happening, but its my battle to fight. It is hard to hope for me right now with all that has occurred. I thought if I got my period I would turn to pubertina there were toothpicks in the drawer, I thought someone would take my teeth. I looked at the trader joes bag my parents put the 3 t shirts and sweat pants and pajama pants i could wear. it has a crashing plane what turns to a stagecoach and under the bushes some peasant kids eating and looking over. There were ads on the computer for robotics, Alexis mussi ceo, and lauries gifts. The man who would always walk with the psychiatrist had indigo and a pug tattoo on his arm, visitor, cambro food, woman wanting hair, knowing nose, george, internet, rico, animal chloroform, robot without a manual, elijah, fat man wagner, lighthouse man, jesus host, lamb peru, moms wanting a bike, super young pregnant girl, morganna, deroyal grey socks, eugenia cooney, fosters home for imaginary friends, monsters inc, stranger things, westworld delores, social worker, on the phone talking to his mom, wheelchair old man, vaccine, court, consent, annastasia, b12, cat puzzle, sad goat,

Aricellie from the 2nd hospital said, “some people are not even sick they just choosing to be here to get medications” I heard that and thought, and more. They are getting something else, they must be.

I resent being in the dark.

There are 2 barbie dolls in my closet. One is hawaiian daphne and scooby, another is a barbie watching power puff girls. I remember watching power puff girls at my grandmas house on her couch. Then i dreamt time went slow and fast. It was electric and it made me realize all the backstory is here. I am not sure why i write. I heard my dad said “here’s Lucy” and slam doors. They clearly don’t want me aware, yet they do. I no longer have to be a girl named caitlin, i feel like I can choose to get out of this narrative. I took pictures of the other things i have found like all the drawings from safekey kids.

Anyway my dreams, I dreamt i got a shirt on etsy that said “i dont want to work” from C with a knock on my wall. and then another dream M gave me a shirt with hot cheetos and a robot. Then my dad asked if i ever pooped in my water when i had a basement room in the house with a large screen. Then a dream where i was looking for this shirt i got rid of with an eagle playing guitar, my brother had a huge closet and didn’t have the shirt. Then i was in Ls closet. There was shirts that sexualized good girl and then tie dye things then 2 bracelets with pizza wolf and pizza warlock. It quickly changed from ls colorful room to an office with black and white things and plain black shoes and desks. There were 2 male bosses and that turned into a sexual thing as well when it was supposed to be an “office job”.

I dont know how much time i have left. I fee guilty for eating meat and i get negativity for it yet i dont want to starve again i am starving of knowledge and pleasure love and truth i am seeking guidance power and release.

I remember going to new orleans with m. already touched on this but the pictures in my phone are arranged in a particular order. I remember in new orleans watching this futurama episode about a relaxing island which happened to be a zoo where people from another planet could watch. I think thats where i was, now im in hell. I wonder when i signed the contract to play the parts i am playing? I wish i stayed in hilo because I was free there as much as i was trapped, the whole planet is kind of trapped, just then i had a better outlook on reality. Ignorance is bliss and i was in states of ecstasy at times. The emotions i get back here are so bleak, depressing and terrifying. I am not sure who i am, i know im being watched and all my friends or most of them are in on this. M said one of his friends went crazy thinking he was in the truman show. Does m curse this upon people? Is my soul being farmed? Are people in other dimensions and planets kicking back watching me go insane or go through crazy making things? “Deadric city seraphim district” whose understanding of their distance from the absolute divinity of Atziluth causes their continual “burning up” in self-nullification. Through this they ascend to God, and return to their place. Below them in the World of Yetzirah (“Formation”, archetypal creation, divine emotions) are the Hayot angels of Ezekiel’s vision, who serve God with self-aware instinctive emotions (“face of a lion, ox, eagle”) If anything I am like the meseeks in Rick and Morty trying to understand my purpose. I’m like Igor “Animated fable about a cliché hunchbacked evil scientist’s assistant who aspires to become a scientist himself, much to the displeasure of the rest of the evil science community.”

Ive inserted some pictures of things. I am failing at this game. I wonder if i am an alien that had my memory wiped in order to live on earth. Or i am trapped in a game i dont remember signing up for. There is also a military glove. A card from my grandpa that says congrats on my excellent report card. My neighbor who used to be my close friend saying happy 8th birthday and 3 native american dancing cards. What if i am really from the ocean and came up, like the picture the kid from safekey drew for me. I am like Nina in OA communicating with the octopus. That show was for me. This life is for me and i dont understand why or what the other characters who know but dont tell mean. I don’t understand if this is my only time I get to experience this “all for me” thing. I fear I could turn into a kid again with my memory wiped. If i have to be a kid i want to be a boy, today I went into a boba shop as i was walking i saw a car that said “rest in peace myy son in huge letters on the window with american flag skulls and a picutre of the boy.” i thought i was the boy and i got upset because I know its because I am doing things like eating boba but I just can’t balance my inner childs needs for safety fun and happy gay kind of stuff and the need for truth and seriousness of the situation. Its like i am playing “Hell II Adopt a Soul”. Anyway i want to be a boy because it seems like the game is easier to play and theres less threats for knowing things. The coins are from this coin jar ive had in my room for ages. One of my exs I, he broke into my house well in through the garage and took half of it drove my moms car to the coinstar left the reciept in it while my family and i were visiting my grandpa and a space mueseum in california. My uncle T, he tweeted “met my wife at a coinstar” theres a coin purse from his ex gf J in a drawer. The only movie I have ever seen with him is the corpse bride. His ex name means Supplanter or replaces thing of lesser value. Men literally get to replace their girl bot thing of lesser value with a new program? Not happening. I need something else.

I had a dream 2 nights ago with M and I. He was in the next room where my brother is. I was justifying why i was here, i must be god level to be here yadayada. Treasure Island casino was Jerry training. It is the worst one, M was mean. I was God justifying out of fear I guess. Then I woke up to a dog barking super loud. I thought I was being turned into a dog. Last night I had a dream Dr. O my old soc professor I was close with from soc club, who used to say pretty prophetic things I wish I understood then said “I finessed you” with a pencil looking yellow pyramid drawing. I started begging and justifying my worth in my head to try to get basically adopted as a soul or being bc I am very very very scared for my future. I even thought “i’ll work for someone for 6 years.”

I keep smelling this smell that smells like fuel its concerning and I don’t know what it is but it follows me everywhere. My head itches and my shoulders hurt constantly. I am begging the world for relief.

Another movie that is like whats happening to me: Anti Matter (AKA Worm) is a sci-fi noir take on the Alice in Wonderland tale. Ana, an Oxford PhD student, finds herself unable to build new memories following an experiment to generate and travel through a wormhole. The story follows her increasingly desperate efforts to understand what happened, and to find out who – or what – is behind the rising horror in her life.

There was a room in the psych hospital called the anti room a room with nothing plain white walls and two chairs in a room outside of that room. It wasn’t in use until one of the last days i was there a man who was new there crying and yelling while a worker nurse just watched him from the next room with a clipboard. Anti Matter records has music of people in my life it seems and their anti matter selves.

Alpha Gate – i should watch that movie. It doesnt directly have anything to do with me yet i remember singing to myself while driving, i recorded it. Saying “let me be the alpha.” “A particle physicist grieving over the loss of her husband in a car crash travels to a parallel world to find him again, with dire consequences for her family.”

I feel like I am in a coma or in avatar when they put their body in rest to go into a new body in the avatar world. Truman show. “Child legally adopted by a corporation” “on the air unaware”

Some girls were talking about the meaning of oedipus and dantes divine comedy the other day. Dantes comedy talks about the layers of hell and oedipus marrying your mom or dad. I made a youtube video about oedipus. I feel like my conciousness before was not fully controlled by me somehow, i am not even sure if my conciousness now is fully free or if it is being controlled or manipulated by someone else.

“A dimension is a place” i think about all the times I have been in places lately and even if i am in a room all to myself, the words of others in the next rooms sync with me, like they can see me but they can’t or they can right in their minds. Like the first hospital when they knew I peed and said something about me not doing it without affecting them which I didn’t understand. Or when I was changing my clothes at Ls house I was deciding what to wear and getting frustrated and C commented just do what you have to do, ugh and commenting on things I picked. “Life in the fast lane makes you insane” Things were happening so fucking fast that I couldn’t even ask questions especially in the hospital times and at Ls with the bonfire. My parents too. Now I still don’t because I can’t act like I know things without being threatened. Its a nightmare and its lonely pretending to be normal. If something happens like that I would now ask, because things have eternally slowed down a little bit.

#alien #thing #starfishinachorusline

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #214

“if you are dead or still alive, i don’t care.”

Do you wear perfume or cologne? Very very rarely. Typically if I have to go somewhere formal or something. What was your favorite grade in elementary school? Probably 5th. Do you own a debit card? No. A credit card? No. Are you in debt? I don't pay for anything that could cause me to be in debt. When is your birthday? February 5th. What song are you listening to now? "I Don't Care" by Apocalyptica. What was the most traumatic experience of your life? The breakup with Jason. Have you ever lost a friend to drugs or alcohol? Kinda. Who was your childhood best friend? Her name was Brianna. Are you still friends now? We just drifted apart. If not, why? ^ Do you believe in Karma? Nope. What do you thinks happens to us when we die? I don't pretend to know. I hope some sort of eternal peace for those deserving, but who the hell knows. What age do you think you’ll die? Idk. 70s/80s? My grandparents lived pretty long. About how long was the last book you read? I haven't a clue. Have you ever read a play before? Yeah, in school. A play not written by Shakespeare? I don't think so. Have you ever read a play outside of school? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? A lot... I'm one of the admins at the Silent Hill wiki, a content mod or something I don't remember on the SotC one, and I occasionally edit the meerkats wiki, which is an atrocious mess that I try to clean up where I can. Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? A lot. Do you use your phone as an alarm? Yep. Do you listen to music while you sleep? No. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I don't get "scared," just very paranoid of germs. Are you realistic? In some ways. Do you own a romper?  No. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, and then I have a Twitter solely to like Mark's shit lmao. What does your computer’s slow-loading cursor look like? It's a spinning light blue ring. Do you prefer Microsoft Word or Pages? I've never heard of the latter, so. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool? A pool, please. Do you have the same favorite colors you had when you were a kid? Pink, yes. What do you like to put in your tea? N/A What do you like to put in smoothies? I don't really drink them. Do your stuffed animals have names? Some. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? Bitch miss me with that haunted doll shit. Do you sell any products? If so, what? No. Do you know how to knit? No. Do you have an inspiration board? I have one on Pinterest of hair colors I like. Do you have a colored teddy bear? Maybe up in the attic somewhere. On what day is your local grocery store the busiest? I'm sure it's the weekend. What day do you usually go grocery shopping? Mom doesn't have a designated "day." Do you own a bobblehead? No. What do you make wishes on? Nothing. Wishes aren't magic. Well, I do on birthday candles, but that's only as a tradition sorta thing. What’s the best natural pain reliever? It depends; sometimes nothing natural works. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "That's What You Get," probably. Do you like scrambled eggs? Yes. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Have you ever done a craft that you saw in a magazine? I don't believe so. Are you bitter about anything? I am permanently and inexplicably bitter towards my former primary doctor that fucked up my entire body thanks to keeping me on a medication and her being an ignorant fuck to the side effects, apparently. What is your favorite color for cars? Burnt orange. What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? *shrugs* If applicable, what’s your favorite dance costume that you’ve had? It was some sort of black dress-ish thing. I can't remember clearly. What’s your favorite flavor of mouthwash? Minty? Just ffs don't have alcohol in it. Do you drink CapriSuns? If there's nothing else to drink, sure. Do you prefer caramel or peanut butter? Peanut butter, I think. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. Do you like butterflies? Yeah, they're my fave insect. Do you know any dances? Only the ones that literally tell you what simple move to do lmao. Did you go anywhere yesterday? No. Do you like yellow or blue more? Blue. Do you wear rings? Only one. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? French toast sticks for lunch yesterday. How often do you go for walks? Never, sadly. Walking along my road is scary with how busy it is, I CANNOT handle the heat, and for the time being, I can't walk far at all with my knee problem. Do you go on the computer or watch TV more? I say enough I don't watch TV, but I'm always on my laptop. What is something you’ll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. 'Cuz they're fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Abortion rights being taken away/wrongly modified is pretty scary, honestly. What would be your personal hell? The Christian Hell because fuck that heat lmao. What made the ‘weird kid’ at your school weird? He, I shit you not, would not say a word, but if he absolutely had to speak, he kept it very very short and quiet. He was always looking down and isolated himself. I felt really bad for him; he was so obviously depressed, but I was always too unsure of how to approach him and try to be a friend. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" when used incorrectly. What instantly puts you to sleep? Instantly go to sleep??? Please teach me how. What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? Well, I don't speak German fluently, so like, a shitload of Rammstein songs. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? Tbh cosplay sounds so fun. What’s a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. It shows just how fucking disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that’s ever happened to you? Senpai Noticed Me. What is the funniest fact you know? Idk. Oh, I might be mistaken, but I think the guy who invented the segway died via driving off a cliff on a segway. Big 'ole oof. What’s the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a little kid, the people in front of us in line at McDonald's paid for our meal. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? I have this random, deep dimple on my right ass cheek like what the fuck. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? OKAY SO when I was in the process of having my ears cleaned back when I had that wax adhered to my eardrums, one step was having warm water like pounded into my ears, and it somewhat tickled but also felt oddly good, and it was just really weird. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting like they're above everyone else. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? Darkiplier hunny my poor husband. I won't answer "why" because yeah spoilers. What is something you regret to NOT have done? Fuck it, I wish I'd had *complete* sex w/ Jason. I was in love with him, and I'll probably never experience genuine sex again so like- What’s the weirdest thing you put in a microwave? Idk? What movie changed your life for the better? I'm not sure. Oh, wait, I remember when I was still Christian, God's Not Dead really touched me, but we know how I am religiously now. What’s something your relatives don’t know about you? Many probably don't know I'm bi. What’s something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Have children before marriage. Back when I wanted kids. What’s the most annoying thing your pet does? My cat is obsessed with trying to lie on me as he'd done as a kitten, but then I can't see over him to see the laptop. Teddy scratches a lot and won't listen to "stop" for anything. What’s the biggest sum of money you’ve won? Uhhhh. I have no clue. Have I ever? Idk. Have you ever smoked weed on April 20? No. Tell me about the last event that made you really, truly happy? Oh boy. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? He's funny as fuck, super intelligent, and hard-working. Have you ever thought about how the world will end? Yeah. What object do you own that has the most sentimental value to you? The pebble I got from my partial hospitalization program. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Him teaching me to ride a bike. What was on the last sandwich you ate? Ham, cheese, and mustard. Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? Silver matches more things, but I'm allergic to it. I find gold in general prettier, too. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. What is your favorite Thai dish? Never tried Thai food. When was the last time you made out with somebody? February. Are there any candles in your bedroom, and what scent are they? No. When was the last time you went to a birthday party? Last month for my niece. What pet names do you use with your significant other? A whole lot. What brand is your toaster, if you have one? We don't have a toaster, but a toaster oven. I don't have the slightest clue what brand it is; it's ancient. Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? No and nope. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter. Would you rather travel to Japan or Scotland? Oh man, I don't know! I guess Scotland. Does your house have a porch/balcony? We have a decently-sized back porch. There's a front one as well, but it's tiny. What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? I watched The Shining by myself. What’s your favorite type of bread? Pumpernickel. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. What time does the sun go down where you live at this time of the year? Like, 8:30-ish. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? If I literally had to get them done for whatever reason, I guess I'd pay. Me doing them myself would be a nightmare, especially with tremors. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? I haven't taken it yet. Do you have any stickers on your car? I don't have my own car. Blackberry, Droid, or iPhone? iPhones. Do you like diet soda? NO. I don't just not like the taste, but the artificial sweetener gives me crazy headaches. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. How old were you the first time you drank alcohol? I don't remember. WAIT shit dude, I was young. I grew up going to a Catholic church, and during that "eating the blood and body of Christ" thing (I forgot what it's called), we sipped real wine. Yes, even the kids. That shit was NOT grape juice. Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one. What was the last fight you had with your parents about? Dad, I've got no clue. Mom, about her constantly shit-talking my dad and I no longer wanted to hear any of it in my presence. Does your car have a sunroof? N/A Did you ever have braces? Yes. Are you from the South? Yes. What does your last status on Facebook say? It was something about the bullshit Alabama abortion law, I believe. I barely ever ever make my own statuses. Do you tip your server when you go to a restaurant? I never can because yeah, no money, so I can't even pay for the meal. If I could, of course I would. Have you ever snuck out of your house? No. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate? No? Name your favorite Ke$ha song: I guess "Take It Off." What’s your favorite place? Ah man, the tattoo/piercing parlor I go to. What was the last comic book you read? It was one of the Silent Hill ones on the app years ago. What’s the worst trouble you’ve ever gotten into? Probably when I ran away from home in like middle school. Do you know anyone your age who has a child? A good number, but I mean I'm 23 so that's not exactly strange. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? A few. The last time you threw up, what caused it? Medicine that was known for nausea. Did you have any foreign exchange students at your high school? I don't think so? Any foods from other countries you would like to try but haven’t yet? Not off the top of my head. Do you think the world would be more peaceful without any religion? Maybe. Probably. Idk. Have you kept the same icon here for a long time? Yeah. I don't really take pictures of myself, so. Why did you choose your icon, anyway? It's the most accurate representation of how I look on the daily. And it's not horrendous. Does it hurt your feelings when people talk shit about things you love? Sometimes. It doesn't hurt my feelings, but rather it makes me deathly embarrassed because I feel stupid for liking it and like they're making fun of a part of me. Can you be friends with people with opposing political views? Yes. Are there any fandoms you used to be in, but left? I don't think I exactly "left" them, just lost big interest, like Rhett & Link/GMM. I still love the guys, but I don't watch them anymore. Warriors is another example. Do you prefer ruffly or regular potato chips? Ruffled. Do you write down your own recipes, or just commit them to memory? I don't cook. Can you do any impressions? No. What color do you want to dye your hair? Currently I want to dye it lilac, but I can't afford a professional to do that. What is a food you enjoy, but don’t have very often? Shrimp. Favorite fictional world? Wonderland. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want to. Have you ever had to use it? N/A Have you ever been kicked out of a public place? Why? No. Do you donate to any associations that care for animals? I don't have my own money. Have you ever worn those Drunk Goggles? Yes, in D.A.R.E. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? It depends on the topic, but it's generally very easy for me to agree to disagree. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Animal abuse. Who is the best female rocker? Why? Ohhhh good question. I like Lita Ford, for one; great singer and she fucking slays the guitar. She seems cool, too. Do you care what kind of toilet paper you use? Not really, no. Do you still have any decent arcades nearby? No. Bullfighters who get gored kind of had it coming, right? Yes. They fucking deserve it. Have you ever accidentally found porn when looking for something else? Thank God no. What do you like on your burger? Cheese, ketchup, mustard, a little bit of mayo is fine but not mandatory, pickles, and very little onion is okay. What do you NOT like on your burger? Lettuce and tomato. Do you like 'loose meat’ sandwiches? Like sloppy joes? Yeah. Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No, but that'd be pretty fucking cool. What things have people shamed you for? Besides the obvious disagreements like political subjects, I don't know. Do you always reply to private messages? (On any website) Yes, unless it's spam or advertisement. Are there any 'adult stores’ in your area? I wouldn't know. Have you been inside of them/shopped there before? No. Who was your favorite actress to play Morticia Addams? Anjelica Huston. What is the next film you want to rewatch? Idk. I don't really watch TV or movies to begin with. What is the next film you want to see for the first time? I've been wanting to see Jacob's Ladder for a very long time, but I have to find a time I actually *really* feel like it to possibly enjoy it. A movie you love even though it’s cheesy? I'm sure there's something, but idk. Share any song lyrics you misheard? When I heard "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix for the first time, I swore the lyrics were "excuse me while I kiss this guy" instead of "kiss the sky." What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I both enjoy "Bad Girl" by Avril Lavigne and see it cringy as fuck at the same time. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Heather Mason from Silent Hill 3 is up high 'cuz she's a badass, CYNDER FROM THE LEGEND OF SPYRO SERIES BECAUSE SHE'S COOL AS ALL HECKIN' HECK AND ALSO #AESTHETIC, and I've fallen more and more in love with Tyrande Whisperwind from World of Warcraft now that she's become vengeance-crazed and more interesting than she already was. Oh, and then there's Bayonetta. Why? You know why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? In recent news, BRING BACK STAN THE MOTHERFUCKING WATER MAN, MARK. Have you ever had to hit up several stores in search of one item? What was it? I'm sure I have at some point. Do you have any calluses on your feet? From when I used to walk outside for hours, you have no idea- What was your last big purchase? A plane ticket. Have you ever eaten grits? I HATE THEM SO MUCH. Do you always dress right after a shower, or do you like to chill in your towel/robe for a while? I put clothes on right away. Have you ever looked up your state’s laws and read them? I don't think so. Have you ever had to talk to a lawyer? I feel like I did have to once for something...? Have you ever been in pain so bad you passed out? No. I sincerely don't know how I didn't when I had to get that cyst drained, though. I have no words for that pain. Can you have kids? Well, physically, yeah. Doesn't mean I ever will or even want to. If you could get rid of one of your allergies, which one would it be? POLLEN. Do you have any cousins that look like you? No. Who do you know who is dating someone that looks way too old for them? Idk. Have you ever gone on a Facebook deleting spree? Yeah. What's a good example of "don’t knock it till you try it"? Waffles with peanut butter spread over them with syrup. What is surprisingly painful? Hm. "Surprisingly." OH, something I say as well as many others: Getting your nose pierced is more painful than you'd think compared to other piercings. Which person shaped you the most? Probably Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever been 4-wheeling? Yes. Do you live anywhere near the woods? There's a wooded area beyond the field. Do you have any important anniversaries you celebrate? Mine and Sara's. Can you rap? I don't even have to try to say no. Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yes. Tell me about the sickest you’ve ever felt. Oh man... I remember in elementary school, 3rd grade I think, I had the weirdest 3-day "sickness" where I felt every single moment like I was right on the very verge of vomiting. I went to the ER on the third night, but they couldn't detect what was wrong. Next day, I woke up miraculously fine. Those days were horrifying for someone who is terrified of vomiting. Any important birthdays coming up? My nephew's isn't far off. If you could play one instrument flawlessly, what would it be? Electric guitar. Have you ever heard of Hollywood Undead? Do you like them? I love some songs, like others, don't enjoy or care about a handful, and then truly haven't heard most. Have your friends ever told you something really personal? Was it weird? Well yeah, close friends do that often. It's not weird. Has anyone ever called you a coward before? Who called you that? No. Have you ever written a whole song before? What was the title to it? No. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? I loooove that funky alien man. I find his work ethic incredibly inspiring and he seems so super accepting and is just very radiant and positive. Has your grandmother ever made you anything? Not including cookies. I don't think so.

#survey #quiz #questions #bored #random

[lobsters-on-their-heads]

OB Rewatch: To Right the Wrongs of Many

I’m not crying, you’re crying

You can read my first watch review, which hits a number of points I left out,  here: https://lobsters-on-their-heads.tumblr.com/post/164138983111/to-right-the-wrongs-of-many

I loved

Sarah’s flashback scenes flow with the storyline, and inform Sarah’s current character. We learn more about her, and get answers to a question that hadn’t occurred to me to ask - why did she decide to keep Kira? 

Siobhan! Being the loving nurturing mother we’ve seen her be for five seasons. Quite different than the woman we meet in episode 2, who was DONE with Sarah’s bullshit.

Sarah rummaging around the basement boiler room, fussing over Helena to get her the things she can, keeping her head cool and her voice reassuring.

Art: “Are you alright?”

Helena: “Most excellent.”

And the back and forth between Sarah and Helena bearing their children, with Sarah repeating the lines Siobhan gave her... I... *sniffles* ....

The shot of the twins

Art and Sarah delivering Helena’s babies. They were, after all, the first two members of Clone Club that she interacted with. Sarah was absolutely the best person to do it.

Helena’s stick figure mobiles

Cosima and Scott helping Sarah practice for her GED. Hell, Sarah practicing for her GED! Which she will eventually take, I know she will.

Siobhan’s portrait. It’s her, a cup of tea, and her shotgun. Perfect.

Donnie is adorable with the babies. It’s a damn shame we didn’t see more of him being a father during the show (probably due to the availability or desire of the child actors). 

The parallel with Season 3′s opener

I loved the entire fucking baby shower. My favorite thing ever is whole Clone Club events like this. I also really hope that those judgey “friends” of Alison’s from Season 1 (you know, the living ones) saw all these random people streaming into her house, including a gay couple, a lesbian couple, awkward nerdy guys, a black guy with his daughter and a disabled girl, and a perma-drunk from the vague South. To say nothing of how those neighbors must feel about Helena.

Cosima taking Purple from Felix and immediately handing him to Delphine.

Love, love, LOVE Cosima’s dress. Which was surprisingly difficult to get a good screenshot of while she’s standing.

Finishing the show with the Sestras together. Okay, so the very final scenes didn’t have them together, but you know what I mean. This scene was wonderful. Yes, they are going off and living happily ever after, but pain remains. Pain that is perhaps related to their fights, but not always. No matter what, though, they always have each other. 

*cries again* 

Helena’s story about letting the babies eat sand! “Where does this sand come from? I don’t know, so I let them eat it.” We all know it comes from the bodies buried under her apartment.

I liked 

The camera circling around Sarah while Westboreland taunted her.

Sarah: “Ah, shut up!” and then she smashes his head with a oxygen tank.

Kira being supportive and understanding of her mom. I like it because Kira’s sweet, but I don’t love it - Kira’s a kid, and she shouldn’t have to worry about her mom.

Helena offering Kira a jam burger and Kira backing up quickly. I hope that was improvised. 

The contrast between the sunny family time of the baby shower and Sarah’s darker solitude as she approaches and enters the house.

The parade of people asking Sarah “How was the test?” I like it for the comedic aspect, but also because every single person there supports and roots for Sarah exactly where she is. None of them show any judgment that she’s taking her GED test instead of, say, her GRE.

I’m as lesbian as they come, but I do melt when I see tough guys holding babies like this.

Sarah’s face as Helena starts sharing her book.

I didn’t like

The placement of Delphine’s condolences to Sarah about Siobhan. It’s been months, and Delphine has almost certainly seen Sarah before now. It’s a nice moment, but it’s out of place. It’s also one of the few times we’ve ever seen Delphine and Sarah alone together, and I believe the only time it’s happened since the first episode of Season 3. Delphine’s sentiments regarding Siobhan are spot on, but it’s odd to hear her emoting like this to Sarah. Even in the rewatch, I was just as uncomfortable as Sarah was.

That Rachel couldn’t come in. Obviously she wanted to, despite her claims to the contrary, and she needs the redemption that the sestras give each other. 

Other notes

I see now that it wasn’t the tray table Helena smashed Coady’s face into, but the stirrup / footrest at the end of the bed.

Westboreland drones on about “I made you” yadda yadda, but he did pretty much jack shit in the creation of the clones except maybe finance and protect. The Duncans did the work.

Pretty sure that’s Sarah’s first kill.

Somewhere in the second half of my first watch of Season 5, I had this fic idea of Donnie and Helena going to the island to rescue Cosima and Charlotte (and Delphine). In that fic, Delphine delivers Helena babies, which is kind of what everyone on Tumblr wanted. Anyway, having Sarah do it here was actually a much better idea.

There was definitely infodump with Alison talking to Donnie about his new job, but I’ll kind of allow it since it involved pouring concrete floors, and... well. That is something he knows about, isn’t it?

As cool as this board is for the show, I’m not sure why it’s set up this way for them. They could store the info in a spreadsheet (Delphine already has it in the computer). The pictures are fun, but don’t serve much purpose for their research. Like, they already know they’re all played by Tatiana Maslany, so they’re not trying to figure that mystery out. But maybe Cosima just likes to look at them?

The birthday card Sarah finds is tucked into the same book that Cosima read to Kira at the end of Season 2. Was the card in there then, or was it tucked in later by Siobhan or someone else?

And I’m totally with with Felix on being upset about the boxes and the for-sale sign. Even if he’s not living there, a lot of the stuff was probably his once, just as much as hers. He deserves to have a piece of his mother to hang on to without Sarah throwing it away (which she totally would).

Évelyne’s probably doing an awful lot of this these days

According to IMDB, Lauren Hammersley is 5′9″. See, this is why Tat always looks so short. She’s surrounded by really tall people.

Sarah had nothing to be sorry about when she snapped at Alison, who was pushing way too hard at completely the wrong moment. 

Most of the Lyft and Uber drivers I’ve had would not have sat silently in the front seat like Yusef did. Rachel probably scared him into submission.

With a number like 274, I think it’s safe to assume that there were originally 300 Ledas, and 26 were either killed by Helena, by clone disease, or by something else. 

Of course Évelyne speaks Spanish. Two dialects of French, English, and German weren’t enough. 

Interesting that the babies are Arthur and Donnie, rather than Arthur and Donald or Art and Donnie. I wonder if a certain US president influenced that decision.

I have questions

Why does Coady follow this asshole, again? Why does she do things that she, herself hates, like killing Mark? What does she get out of it that she couldn’t achieve on her own or with a different crackpot? What is left for her here? What’s in it for that other doctor, too? 

(really disturbing note - had the abortion gone through, would Kira’s magical healing abilities have, uh... ? you know what, let’s not explore that too much)

Why does Sarah struggle so much with school? She’s obviously intelligent and able to focus on and achieve goals when she wants to, but academics seem to elude her. It seems logical to me that her attitude problems and academic struggles would be related. Then there’s her anxiety (called fear, but really) and terrible self-esteem, and everything spirals, but it didn’t always.

A few episodes ago, Scott or Cosima said they had 144 doses of the inoculate ready to go. In this episode, Scott’s worried about expanding the cell line any further. Does that mean they’ve used 144 doses? I doubt it. Does it mean they’re just making shit tons of it? I don’t know how any of this works.

Where is Felix living now, by the way?

Is this realistic for a glass eye?

I would’ve liked to have seen

What happened to Enger, and Art seeing it happen. More than that, though...

I think this ep could have been a solid two hours if they’d committed to it. The extra hour could include

Sarah, Helena, Art, and the twins getting out of Dyad, accounting for the dead bodies scattered around in there, and wrapping up what’s left of Neolution 

Delphine’s return from “France” and finally starting a real relationship with Cosima. I want to see them getting ice cream together.

Also Delphine taking rocks away from the babies

Helena moving into the garage

What’s the plan for Charlotte?

How Felix and Colin became a couple

and still leave us wanting more. Plus, that Delphine / Sarah scene could have found a better spot.

#to right the wrongs of many #orphan black rewatch #orphan black series finale

[stardustpug]

Title: Learning to Love the Cold Chapter Title: Crossovers Chapter: 11/? Fandom: snk/aot Pairing: jeanmarco Summary: In this part, we spend quite a bit of time following Armin around, and some time peeking into Jean's life while he cheers his boyfriend on from across an ocean. AO3 | FF.Net

At 4:00 AM, Jean wakes up to his phone buzzing with notifications. He wipes his eyes, trying to clear the blur of sleep to see who was blowing up his phone and why. He had about fifteen snaps from Marco, with more coming in every few seconds. He stares at his phone as it continues to buzz in his hand, trying to decide why the fuck Marco would be sending so many messages this early in the morning.

Suddenly, everything connects in his tired brain and he realizes that Marco is seven hours ahead of him and in Russia. For the Olympics. He’s scrambling to unlock and open his phone because it’s the coolest thing that’s ever happened to him, and he’s not even there. He quints through the brightness and opens the snaps, letting them all play through. A picture of Marco on the plane, a video of the airport, a video of the city, and then a continuous stream of pictures and videos from the Olympic Village. Jean feels a little odd seeing the insides of the village. He had always wondered what the inside looked like, and now he was finally seeing it. Of course, he supposed the inside of each Olympic Village looked different, but still. The experience would probably be the same, being an outsider and all.

After Marco’s snaps finish, he checks out what everyone else has been posting. Mostly the same things, showing the village in all its glory and all of Jean’s friends posing in various areas. He guesses he feels a little jealous, since that’s a feeling he’ll never have. But at the same time, most people will never stay in an Olympic Village, so he shouldn’t too feel left out.

Throughout his friends stories, he sees multiple candids of Marco walking or smiling and laughing with friends. He resists screenshotting them. After all, he doesn’t want to be that boyfriend. Or, he does, but he doesn’t want anyone else to know.

Glancing at the time, it’s now 4:15 and he groans. There’s no way he could sleep now, but he really needed more sleep before he had to wake up for school. He sends a blurry snap to Marco with a thumbs up and plops his phone down on his bedside table, rolling over with a grunt. Slowly, he takes in a deep breath and lets it out, feeling relieved that he can breathe right now. He would’ve noticed it earlier if he couldn’t, but the thought hadn’t entered his mind until now. He manages to drift back to sleep pretty easily.

Armin wakes up to over a hundred notifications on his phone, the main one being that school has been delayed due to heavy snowfall. He had sort of been hoping that wouldn’t happen; he really needed a distraction from the flow of snaps and messages he had waiting him. He should be there. But he’s not. He swings his legs over the side of his bed, reaching forward to turn on his lamp. His skates are placed on the other side of the room, untouched from the last time he wore them in Boston. With a sigh, he stands up and stretches, wondering what he should do with his two hours.

A thought hits him as his phone lights up with another message from Eren. The ice will be empty today, everyone is literally in another country. He was told he would never be able to walk again, but he walks fine. What if, this one time, he tried to skate again? If it didn’t work, he could head straight home and deal with the consequences later. He desperately missed the feeling of the ice beneath his feet, gliding along with the wind cooling him off from his program. He walks across his room, picking up his skates with a newfound determination. He slowly cracks his bedroom door open, checking for any light. If his grandpa was awake, there’s no way he would be able to pull this off.

Lucky for him, his plan had worked perfectly. Grandpa was still asleep when he snuck out of the house, and the rink was, as he planned, empty. Now was the hard part. He sat in clubroom for the first time in what felt like forever, staring at his skates sitting on the floor. Did he even remember how to skate? Would he still be able to jump, or would he crash and fall?

He leans down and pulls on one boot very carefully, his fingers shaking slightly as he laces them. He could blame it on the cold all he wanted, but realistically he was nervous and scared. If he couldn’t do this, then it really would be over. This spark of hope could have been for nothing, and he didn’t know if he could handle losing skating twice in his life.

He sits there for five minutes after tying his skates, contemplating what he’s about to do. This has to work, he thinks as he stands and walks out of the clubroom, down the winding hallway, and out to the rink. He opens the door and a blast of cool air hits him and he feels so alive. He swallows down the excitement building up in his throat and chest, telling himself that this may not work and it’s really only a last ditch effort at feeling okay. He pulls of his guards and tries not to think of this as the moment of truth. It is though. If he can still skate, everything will change for the better. If not, he’ll continue to watch his friends do what they all love with him on the sidelines. Can he do that for the rest of his life?

Carefully, he steps onto the ice, his toe picks digging in for a moment before he lets the entire blade settle. Then he pushes off with his other toe pick and it’s happening. For the first time in years, Armin is gliding across the ice, guards in hand. It’s like old times. The ice may be empty, but it’s like old times.

He reaches the boards and sets his guards down, and then checks to see if the radio is in the music box. It is, but he would rather hear the ice crunch under his feet for now. He starts off with simple stroking. After all, it had been so long he didn’t want to push it. He wanted to take the moment in, and hold close to it for as long as he could, in case all he could do was stroke.

Crossovers came naturally to him and he reaches the short boards, and instinctively he turns backwards and falls into his normal warm up routine. Alternating backwards crossovers, forwards and backwards power pulls, and so on. He comes to a stop beside his things, breathing heavily. A smile crosses his face because he can still do moves, at the very least. Glancing at his phone, it lights up once more, this time a snap from Sasha. He starts to reach for his phone, but decides against it. He wants to see what else he can still do before he replies to everyone.

He skates to the middle of the rink, and pushed himself into a spin. It feels odd, like all of his blood is rushing to one side of his body, but he still managed to do it pretty well after all this time. He looks down at the markings left over and he didn’t travel too far, so he guesses he should be pretty proud. His eyes trace their way around the rink and he realizes the only thing he has left to try are jumps. He definitely can’t do doubles anymore, and really he should start with a waltz jump to keep things easy, but he wants to try something else, something harder.

He settles on a flip. Not too hard, but harder than what he should be going for. He loops around the rink to gain speed and decides flinging himself into it is really the only way to do it after so long. He turns, his toe pick digging into and crunching the ice beneath him, pulling himself up and over his leg. And then, it happens. He’s in the air.

If you has asked the Armin Arlert of three years ago what it felt like to jump, he probably wouldn’t have had much of answer. If anything, he hardly noticed it all because he did it all the time. It was normal to fly through the air on a daily basis. But now? Not so much. It was different. Similar to the feeling of landing his first double, but still. It was better. He could feel how his entire body was positioned, the crisp air against his skin, the weightlessness.

His landing is a little scratchy, a little too forward on his toe pick. But he landed it. He comes to a stop and stares at the ice, not knowing how to respond. There’s no one around the celebrate with. He glides back to his phone, finally deciding to watch all of the snaps that he’s been ignoring. Draped across the boards, he opens Sasha’s first. The snaps are about what he thought - everyone showing off where they were and what they were doing. He didn’t mind now though, it suddenly didn’t hurt as much. He wishes he could be there, that he could’ve been training this whole time with everyone, but he also didn’t want anything to take away this magical moment of falling in love with skating again.

He checks messages both from Eren and Mikasa, who are keeping him the most updated of the bunch. He can tell through their messages how apologetic they are that he’s not there. He debates if he should post a picture of his skates on his story, or maybe a video of him doing something. He sets his phone carefully against the glass portion of the boards and begins recording. He settles for a camel spin, deciding it was probably the easiest thing for him right now that still looked somewhat impressive (if he could still do it).

As he steps into the spin, he goes through each step mentally: stepping with his knee slightly bent, hunched over, whipping his arms around as if he’s clearing a table, snapping his knee, and pushing his other leg into the air. When he comes out of the spin, he feels satisfaction flowing through his whole body. He couldn’t believe that he was actually out on the ice, doing what he loved after being told he never could again.

He posts the snap to his story and realizes that he’s going to be late for school if he doesn’t leave now. He quickly checks that school hasn’t been canceled and sighs as he skates towards the door. He didn’t want to go already, not after knowing that he’s still capable. But he supposes there’ll be another time that he can come and work on getting back what he’s lost. His phone buzzes with a notification that Eren is typing on snapchat, and then a message notification pops up. He slides his phone open and taps on the message.

Eren: yooooo what the fuck how

Armin can’t help but smile. Such a typical Eren response.

Armin: :-)

Eren: why the fuck would you use a nose

Armin: I thought you were shocked about my skating?

Eren: no we gotta talk about this nsoe bullshit first

Eren: *nose

Jean grabs a gallon of milk from the fridge and starts to chug when his mother comes out of nowhere and whacks him over the head with a rolled up newspaper.

“Ow! Hey!”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“...Nourishing myself.”

She sighs and sets the newspaper down, learning against the counter. “You know school was delayed?”

“Really? Fuck, I could’ve slept in.”

“Jean!” his mother gasps, “Language!”

“Shi- sorry mom,” he says sheepishly, grinning at her.

After glowering at him for a minute, she offers to make him breakfast. He says yes and sits at the counter, idly chatting with her as she cracks the eggs on the side of the pan. “Scrambled?” she asks, heading for the fridge. He nods and she pulls out a few slabs of American cheese and milk, setting them beside the stove top. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” he says, “I can breathe still, so. I assume the new medications is doing what it should be.”

She nods again, this time to herself, before saying, “I’m glad. I was so worried when the doctor decided to switch you over. That is your main medication, after all.” She pauses, glancing over her shoulder at him, “Tell me right away if you start to have any trouble breathing.”

“Mom, you know I will.”

“I know, but I worry,” she says, adding some milk and the slices of cheese to the eggs and stirring. “The last time you switched was hard for all of us.”

“I know it was.”

She plates the eggs and set them in front of him. “Milk?”

“Yeah?”

She pours a glass and slides it over to him, then begins working on cleaning up the kitchen.

At 1:00 PM, Jean begins to impatiently twist in his seat, glancing at his phone. He couldn’t stand paying attention in class anymore. Opening ceremonies were starting and his boyfriend was literally in it. How could he miss his boyfriend on international TV? He guesses that America will be pretty far back in line, starting with a U and all, and the performances should add some time as well. But still, he would’ve liked to watch the whole thing live.

Time slowly ticks by as he fidgets in his seat, ignoring whatever his teacher had to say. When the final bell rings, he’s the first one out of his seat and rushing through the door. He quickly piles away his things in his locker and goes over the few homework items he actually has to worry about and slams them in his backpack. And with that, he’s headed for the backdoor of the school, towards student parking.

By the time Jean flipped on the TV and found the channel, Serbia was headed around the Olympic stadium. After a few minutes he realizes he was lucky with his timing, because they announce the USA. The crowd of red, white, and blue begins their walk, and he wonders if he’ll even see Marco or any of his friends considering the amount of athletes the USA has.

But then he sees them - right there, in their own portion of the group, phones out, smiling and laughing with each other. He leans forward on the couch, fingers gripping the edges tightly. He felt some kind of rush as he watched Marco flash a smile directly at the camera, and then they were gone. His phone buzzes beside him.

Snapchat from Marco.

He swipes his phone open, feeling weirdly light. Could he now breathe again? Or was this something else?

First, a selfie from Marco backstage. Jean decides he doesn’t care and screenshots it. Then, a video from inside the arena. It shows the crowd and how large it really is, and Jean can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to walk through with his best friends and teammates, knowing that you’re the best of the best.

He decides the feeling must be some kind of sadness because he knows he’ll never do something like that.

Jean wakes up early the following day to catch Eren and Mikasa’s short program in the morning. He thinks they did pretty well, but he guesses he doesn’t know enough about skating to really judge. By the end, they’re placed in second, so he decided he must know something.

During their event, he receives multiple snaps from Marco. Marco and the rest of the skaters are shown a few times, sitting in the crowd, along with Eren and Mikasa’s parents.

The afternoon brings the ladies short, leaving Sasha in first and Mina in third.

The rest of Saturday passes agonizingly slow, with nothing but homework to be done. Jean can’t bring himself to look at it, but he knows he should get it done before tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon is the men’s short, and he absolutely cannot miss that.  

#shingeki no kyojin #snk #jeanmarco #jean kirschstein #marco bodt #a dreamer's writings

[3thurs]

Third Thursday events and exhibitions for March 18

The next Third Thursday — the monthly evening of art in Athens, Georgia — is scheduled for Thursday, March 18, from 6 to 9 p.m. All exhibitions are free and open to the public. Several of the venues are closed or in between exhibitions. It is recommended that you contact a venue in advance to confirm its current status, especially in light of the potential for changing circumstances during COVID-19.

Georgia Museum of Art, University of Georgia

Yoga in the Galleries via Zoom, 6 p.m. — Join us via Zoom for a free yoga class surrounded by works of art in the galleries. Led by instructors from Five Points Yoga, this program is free and open to both beginner and experienced yogis. Registration is required: http://bit.ly/yoga-march-18-2021

On view:

“Extra Ordinary: Magic, Mystery and Imagination in American Realism” — This exhibition examines the formation and legacy of the magical realist tradition in American painting, from the late 1930s to the early 1970s.

“Emma Amos: Color Odyssey” — This survey exhibition includes approximately 60 works produced by Black feminist artist Emma Amos over the last 60 years.

“In Dialogue: Look, Paint, Repeat: Variations in the Art of Pierre Daura” — This exhibition uses the museum’s recent acquisition of Daura’s painting “View of Saint-Cirq-Lapopie” to highlight how the artist depicted certain subjects over and over again.

“Contemporary Japanese Ceramics from the Horvitz Collection” — This exhibition presents Japanese pottery and porcelain created by three generations of master ceramic artists. Made with both ancient and modern materials and methods, their works are exceptionally diverse. They share the exceptional craftsmanship and sophisticated design characteristic of Japanese contemporary ceramics.

“Power and Piety in 17th-Century Spanish Art” — Works by premiere Spanish baroque painters such as Francisco de Zurbarán, Bartolomé Murillo, Pedro Orrente and others, on loan from Bob Jones University Museum & Gallery.

“Modernism Foretold: The Nadler Collection of Late Antique Art from Egypt” — An extraordinary assembly of Coptic objects dating from the 3rd to the 8th century CE belonging to Emanuel and Anna Nadler.

The museum’s days of operation have changed to Thursday – Sunday, and a free timed ticketing system is in place to limit the number of people in the building, along with new policies for safety during COVID-19. Reserve a ticket and see our policies at https://georgiamuseum.org/visit/.

ATHICA@Ciné

“Ecumenopolis: Artwork by Jacob Wenzka” — www.athenscine.com for open hours.

Hotel Indigo, Athens

“Athens Facades” — Photography by Mike Landers. The artist took these building portraits at dark downtown and in Five Points between 2000 and 2002. His first building portrait shows what had been The Gap on Clayton Street, which left a beautifully symmetrical illuminated façade and an empty interior. Landers finds this an exercise of looking in and looking out.

“Diorama” — A new installation by Jaime Bull in the Glass Cube. Imagine going to the natural history museum and looking through the glass window into another world. Instead of woolly mammoths or sub-Saharan zebras, Bull’s installation is populated with large-scale assemblages of wicker furniture painted in a psychedelic color palette. Supported by the 2020 Arts in Community Resilience Award through the Athens Cultural Affairs Commission and Athens-Clarke County Unified Government.

ATHICA: Athens Institute for Contemporary Art

“Courtside: Installation Project” — By Artist-in-ATHICA Sara Hess. The artist will be working on her immersive gallery experience intended to prompt constructive dialogue about our community through the lens of tennis.

Lyndon House Arts Center

6 p.m. — Virtual conversation with artists Victoria Dugger and Luka Carter about their new solo exhibitions at the Arts Center on Instagram Live @lyndonhouseartscenter. We will virtually tour Victoria Dugger’s painting exhibition “Mind the Body” and enjoy Luka Carter’s drawings and sculptures in his exhibition “Flywheel.” The conversation will be hosted by curators Lilly McEachern and Jaime Bull.

On view: 

“46th Juried Exhibition” — This year’s show was selected by guest juror Hallie Ringle, the Hugh Kahul Curator of Contemporary Art at the Birmingham Museum of Art.

Lobby Case: “Flywheel” by Luka Carter” — A window display that captures snapshots of energy and objects suspended in place. The artist composes sketches, studies and found objects into a realized mood board of the different facets of his life that keep him moving and inspired.

Lounge Gallery: “Mind the Body” by Victoria Dugger” — Victoria Dugger’s work is an investigation of herself — and of you. Her work often explores the dynamic relationship between ourselves, our body and the world around us. This exhibition is curated by Lilly McEachern.

“Window Works: Noraa James” — Window Works is an outdoor project located at the entrance of the Lyndon House Arts Center.  Using the banks of windows as a palette, Noraa James has designed a triptych and diptych inspired by love, the Black body and primary colors.

We require face coverings and social distancing and follow all CDC guidelines. As we navigate through these unusual times, we recommend visiting our website, social media or calling the Arts Center for further information regarding procedures for visiting the galleries. Please note gallery hours and numbers of visitors at one time are subject to change and will follow CDC guidelines. For more information, please call 706.613.3623. Please visit us at accgov.com/lyndonhouse or on Facebook and Instagram.

Lamar Dodd School of Art Galleries, University of Georgia

Marjorie Eichenlaub West Gallery: "John Douglas Powers: The River Oceanus": A site-responsive kinetic sculpture and video installation on display through April 2. Powers graduated with an MFA from the Lamar Dodd School of Art in 2008, working closely with Larry Millard in the sculpture department. 

Lupin Gallery: Annual Science and Medical Illustration Student Exhibition: Features work by students studying at the University of Georgia and Augusta University, organized by Dodd Scientific Illustration Professor Gene Wright. 

Suite Gallery: “Social Dissonance: 1st Year MFA Exhibition”: This exhibition examines, through figurative and abstract visual representations, life in our current moment. The works presented in this exhibition evoke the experience of dissonance, both as a positive and negative affect of our new daily lives. Organized by first year master’s students in art history Francesca Felicella and Audrey Martinich.

Bridge Gallery: “The Athens for Black Lives Matter Initiative: Resistance and Resilience”: The Athens for Black Lives Matter Initiative is a collective actively working toward a better, more prosperous future for Black Athenians. As we look to the future and hope to inspire change in the community around us, we want to encourage the creation of art as a means to express resistance and achieve resilience. The exhibition is organized by UGA undergraduate students Morgan Ford and Isabella Canales Claudio. 

tiny ATH gallery

"Twenty-One Moby Dicks Spontaneously Monsterfied on PIeces of the Wreck of the Pequod"  — Work by Dan Smith (a.k.a., See Dan Paint) exhibition. Gallery appointments can be made through March by emailing [email protected].

Safety precautions in place for tiny ATH gallery:

Please, please, please WEAR YOUR MASK (we will have gloves and sanitizer and extra masks readily available as well).

4 people will be allowed in at a time or a larger family group that has been sheltering together.

ENTER through front porch door, EXIT through back of gallery (one-way traffic).

Please consider parking on Pulaski St. or Cleveland Ave. to alleviate parking issues, and allow for extra space for the entry line.

Please follow signage instructions and maintain safe 6-feet-plus distancing while waiting to enter the gallery.

Feel free to mingle (6 feet safely away from one another) on the back patio area.

If you feel unwell or have been in contact with anyone who has been sick, please stay home.

The Classic Center

No art is on view this Third Thursday.

Creature Comforts Brewing Co.’s CCBC Gallery

“Tender Wild” — Featuring 13 new paintings by local artist Marisa Leilani Mustard. View the exhibition in Creature Comforts' CCBC Gallery during the taproom hours (5 – 10 p.m. on Third Thursday). Learn more at GetCurious.com.

—

Third Thursday was established in 2012 to encourage attendance at Athens’ established art venues through coordination and co-promotion by the organizing entities. Rack cards promoting Third Thursday and visual art in Athens are available upon request. This schedule and venue locations and regular hours can be found at 3thurs.org.

Contact: Michael Lachowski, Georgia Museum of Art, [email protected].

#athens #athensga #art #free #UGA #downtownathens

[cherry-valentine]

So here’s what I’m watching in the Fall 2017 Anime Season:

Juuni Taisen was the first new series I tried this season and it’s become one of my favorites. It’s an action show that pulls no punches and really enjoys messing with audience expectations. The ending of the first episode was a genuine surprise, and the following episodes have refused to fall neatly into overly familiar or tropey territory. Even when something tropey happens, it happens in a fresh and unexpected way. The art is great, with a nice variety in character designs. I was extremely amused by the fact that the most scantily-clad character is a man (a bunny man at that, wearing almost nothing). It’s little things like this that make the show fun. The opening and ending themes are very catchy (I especially like the art that goes along with the ending theme, showing all these crazy, violent characters in their normal, everyday lives and doing a nice job of humanizing them). High on my watch list. Black Clover is something of a disappointment, if only because it had been hyped up so much in the fandom circles I’m part of. If I had gone into it with zero expectations (and, honestly, if this had been a slower season), I might have liked it a lot. But as it stands, I went in expecting something amazing and was underwhelmed. I’m still watching, don’t get me wrong. The show has its good points and I’ll get to that. But overall I’m not super impressed with it. So the good things are the art, the interesting take on a magic-based society, and Yuno. In that order. My main issue with this series, and this might sound petty to some people, is the fact that the main character, Asta, is so damned annoying. He never speaks. He screams. Constantly. Incessantly. It literally hurts my ears. It’s to the point that I keep the remote in my hand so I can push mute when he starts screaming. It’s that bad. To some people, it’s not that big of a deal and isn’t that bad. But for me personally, it’s a major pet peeve of mine. I just can’t stand the constant screaming. Maybe it’s because loud, abrasive noises trigger migraines for me. Anywho, I’m also a little disappointed that I’ve been able to accurately predict every single thing that has happened in the show. And it’s not that I’m particularly good at predicting things. The show is just that formulaic. Of COURSE Asta is going to be the underdog who can’t use magic. Of COURSE Yuno is going to be a magic prodigy. Of COURSE Asta is going to end up with a grimmoire that’s different from everyone else’s (and probably more powerful). Of COURSE he’s going to end up with the outcast squad of magic knights that no one wants to join. Of freaking COURSE. And oops, I spoiled some things there but not really because anyone with a brain would see these developments coming a mile away. I’m still watching, but it’s dangling from the bottom of my watch list. Sengoku Nightblood is a very pretty otome series that basically takes all the famous warlords and soldiers from the Sengoku period and turns them into clans of vampires, werewolves (pretty boys with cute wolf ears!), and various other mythological creatures. Did I mention the show is pretty? Because it’s SUPER PRETTY. And that’s basically why I’m still watching. The series is a little low on plot and the heroine is bland as hell (to the point that she might as well not even be there) but dang, those vampires and werewolves and fox boys sure are pretty! Not to mention the gorgeous backgrounds and outfits. The show is basically a treat for your eyes, and not much else. But boy is it a tasty treat. Evil or Live is a Japanese dubbed Chinese series that falls in line with previous Chinese series I’ve watched over the past several seasons: an interesting concept, a few cool characters, and subpar animation. This obviously doesn’t apply to all Chinese shows (the amazing Quan Zhi Gao Shou from the summer season is a notable exception), but it’s the trend I’ve noticed, especially among Tencent productions. This time we have a show that’s almost scary in how possible it is to actually happen. It’s about a super strict boarding school where teens are sent when their parents think they’re too addicted to the internet and/or their smart phones. And from the start, we’re not presented with a clear-cut, black and white situation. There’s a huge moral gray area, which is refreshing. The school, and the people who work there, are depicted as ruthless and oftentimes cruel. But at the same time, the students are shown to be no angels. Even the protagonist, whom we’re rooting for, was revealed to be a rude, ungrateful little asshole to his mother in flashbacks (though he does regret his behavior once he’s at the school and has time to reflect on why he’s there). Many of the other students are manipulative or just downright mean, and many do display clear signs of actual addiction, which makes it hard to totally condemn the school as evil. Overall, it’s a compelling setup that makes you think. Unfortunately, the show is marred by lackluster art/design and the typical low budget animation I expect from Tencent. The art isn’t bad. It’s just unremarkable and unmemorable. If you can look over that, however, the show is definitely worth watching. Tsukipro is apparently a spinoff series to the very fun Tsukiuta from a few seasons back. I would have preferred an actual second season for Tsukiuta but oh well. This is better than nothing. Instead of two cute, well-developed boy bands, we get four not-quite-as-interesting boy bands. What I liked about Tsukiuta was that it took a fairly serious, realistic look at what it meant to be in a boy band while also throwing in some light supernatural elements that somehow fit (we had a ghost, aliens, and the fact that band leader Shu is an actual demon lord, albeit a very nice one). So far Tsukipro has had no supernatural elements and is a tad bland. I’m also finding it hard to connect with any of the characters because there’s just too many of them to keep up with and it’s very difficult to keep straight who is who. Some of them even look very similar to each other (and not just the band that has a set of twins). I’m hoping the characters get more development as the series continues, and I’ll be waiting for those quirky supernatural elements. King’s Game was one of my early favorites and is still very high on my watch list. It has a great hook that puts a fresh (and supernatural) twist on the “group of teenagers forced into a deadly game” concept. Instead of being forced to kill each other, an external force does the killing if they fail to obey the orders that are sent to them via text. The series doesn’t shy away from violence or sex (several characters get sex-related orders, including one poor guy who is ordered to have sex before midnight, but the order comes in so late that he only has a few minutes to obey). The show is tense and dramatic, with nearly every single scene having dangerously high stakes. It puts you on edge in the best possible way. There’s also that mysterious, supernatural angle, as the characters try to figure out who the King actually is. The only drawback, so far, is that the art and animation are fairly generic. This is easy to overlook, considering how strong the story is. The music is great, particularly the ending theme. A major contender for favorite of the season (and almost definitely my favorite new show of the season). Kino’s Journey is something I’ve heard a lot about, but I’ve never watched the older anime or read any of the manga/novels/whatever. Still, I’ve been in anime fandom circles long enough to know the basic concept so I decided to try this new series. I was surprised by how pleasant the show is, and also by how violent it is. The series does an excellent job of balancing the (mostly self-contained) stories of each episode between mild, sweet tales and action-packed gun battles. There’s also a very interesting mix of settings, with some “countries” Kino visits being quaint Victorian-esque towns while others are technologically advanced modern cities. I was also surprised by Kino herself. While a generally nice and pleasant person, she can be quite ruthless and often ignores the plights of others. She’s also badass to the point that fights involving her are almost boring. But the show really is about exploration and expanding horizons rather than who wins a shootout. Even the more violent episodes leave you with a sense of comfort and satisfaction. It’s enough to make anyone want to go out and travel the world. Dies Irae is a series I’m conflicted about. It had an “episode zero” prologue that was awesome and made me think this was going to be a favorite, but the following episodes have yet to live up to the prologue’s promise. They’re not bad at all though, so I’m not sure how to judge the show. I’m a bit mad at it for getting my hopes up, but I’m still enjoying it. The art and design are awesome. The characters are cool. The back story for the villains (basically the prologue) is very interesting. The ending theme is badass. My main issue is that it seems to be taking forever for things to get going after episode zero. I don’t know how many episodes this show is going to have, but I’m guessing it’s 12-13, and at this rate, absolutely nothing is going to be resolved. It also occasionally creeps into harem territory (a byproduct of being based on a game, I suppose). So far it’s avoided being an outright harem series but there are a few too many lady characters being flirty with the protagonist for my taste. This is just a persona preference thing though. It still has a solid spot on my watch list. Garo: Vanishing Line is something I was excited about. I’ve watched and enjoyed previous Garo anime (though I haven’t tried the live action shows, sadly). They took place in more historical settings, so in my mind, I tend to associate Garo with that type of story. That’s why Vanishing Line, with its futuristic, sci-fi setting, seemed so interesting to me. It’s a quality show, with some great action sequences and a memorable visual style. My only problem with the show is that I’m just not as into the characters as I was in previous Garo anime. I like the protagonist, Sword (gotta love that name), and it’s nice to have a more cheerful, upbeat hero in the Golden Armor, but I don’t know enough about him to really care about him as a character. We’re almost halfway through the season and I don’t know a single thing about him that I didn’t know at the end of the first episode. The supporting cast isn’t much better. They seem cool and they look awesome but with the exception of the plucky young girl sidekick, I don’t know anything about them. Still yet, the show is a fun, wild ride. Net-juu no Susume is probably my second favorite new show this season behind King’s Game. It’s about a group of characters playing an MMO, but in this show it’s very clear that the game is a hobby that they enjoy, and not a death trap or any such nonsense. We also get a lot of scenes of the characters outside the game, which is nice. It’s basically a sweet and funny love story about a lady shut in (an adult! wow!) playing a young male character in the game and growing attached to a cute young girl in the game, who is secretly being played by a handsome but shy adult man. The show is adorable, and it’s so nice to see a romance anime involving an MMO that stars adult characters. The art is colorful and cute and the music is peppy and fun. It’s very much a feel-good show that’s highly entertaining. Super high on my watch list. March Comes in Like a Lion Season Two was such a nice surprise. I hadn’t even heard that season two was airing this year, so I was really happy to see it pop up on Crunchyroll. This is the show I almost didn’t watch because I didn’t get the first half of episode one. Thankfully I kept watching and realized how amazing it was. This series would be a great example to use to explain how animation can be a powerful storytelling medium, and to demonstrate how animation can accomplish things that no other medium can. The way the show conveys emotions with various color schemes and simple imagery is just beautiful. If you can sit through a whole season of this series and not cry at least once, you might be dead inside. It handles a lot of complex feelings and relationships with care and tact. It’s slow paced and very introspective, so it’s definitely not for everyone. But if you like this sort of anime, you need to be watching it. Code Realize is a steampunk otome series where famous fictional people like Victor Frankenstein and Van Helsing are reimagined as, you guessed it, romantic pretty boys! It’s actually not as stupid as it sounds, and there’s a sense of adventure flowing through the story. The character designs are great and there’s some lovely steampunk scenery. The heroine is actually interesting this time, with a mysterious past you’ll likely want to find out more about and a strange “curse” that makes everything she touches dissolve as if dipped in acid. I also liked that she is taught some basic self defense moves so that she won’t be completely helpless in a fight, something I wish more otome heroines could do, since they tend to get attacked/kidnapped/harassed a lot. It happened in a fairly realistic way too, since it didn’t automatically make her a badass, but she can provide support in a pinch. The guys are a mixed bag, covering some of the usual types but none of them being reduced to JUST their stereotypes. One of the better otome series I’ve watched in the past few seasons. Kekkai Sensen Season Two, or as the much more awesome English title calls it, “Blood Blockade Battlefront & Beyond”, is currently at the top of my watch list (King’s Game is my favorite new show, but overall BBB&B is the best). I absolutely loved season one with its over the top craziness. It had violence and humor and outlandish settings and characters, all grounded by a likable, down-to-earth lead and a fun, casual vibe. Season two has all of that as well. So far this season seems to be avoiding an overarching plot in favor of fleshing out some of the characters who didn’t get enough development in season one (I was so happy to finally get a Chain-centric episode and to find out how awesome she really is). I kind of miss the moments of poignancy that were scattered through season one, but we’ve still got time for some of that to show up in season two. I was also wondering how they were going to top the season one ending theme, which is still one of my all-time favorites. The new theme isn’t as good (though that’s an extremely high standard to meet), but it’s definitely fun and quirky and probably my favorite of the season. And this is something I said about the first season, that still holds true: this show is FUN. It radiates FUN. Even when things get relatively serious or dangerous, it’s FUN. And all that fun is infectious. Gintama is on... what season now? It all gets a bit muddled when the show has been going for this long. There’s not a lot to say about the Gintama series as a whole that I haven’t said before. All I can do is strongly, firmly, with all of my being, recommend it to everyone who likes anime. Gintama is one of those shows that will change your life. It’s a show you’ll wonder how you lived without. That being said, this season is more of the same. I think it could have opened on stronger episodes, but this is a series in which even the weaker episodes are extremely entertaining. My one real complaint is that the stories being animated now apparently came before the major story lines of the last season in the manga, as there are characters in this season that died last season. It was a little confusing, to be honest. I’m not sure what they could do to fix this problem, and I guess most viewers in Japan are familiar with the manga and so it’s not an issue for them. It’s not a huge issue but it was a little jarring. Despite this, the show as a whole is still one of my all-time favorites.

#Anime #Seasonal Anime #Fall 2017 Anime #Anime Reviews #Anime Recommendations #Text