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foldingfittedsheets · 52 minutes
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Congrats on graduating with honors! *passes you a pallet with 'Smort' in gold-colored paint* :)
Fuck yeah, that’s me, so smort!
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Graduation is coming up later in April and I’m beyond proud that I’m graduating with honors. I worked super hard to keep my grades up and I get a pretty gold tassel for all my efforts.
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foldingfittedsheets · 2 hours
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Since everyone seems to love my sex shop stories, here’s another one.
Phone calls were literally a game for us. Not all phone calls, but there was a specific brand of call where guys would creep on us. 90% of the workforce at the sex shops was women. So we’d get dudes calling jacking off or trying to get their jollies from us.
The game: make them hang up. We could have hung up. On a few occasions I did, but for the most part we made a sport out of getting creeps to go flaccid. It really depended on a caller.
You couldn’t just go in for belittling them straight off- some guys wanted that. You had to tailor your strategy to the perv. Overall it was pretty fun and it turned an aspect of the job that could’ve become a major bummer into a fun sport. We’d get excited when the phones rang.
So one day the phone rings. I pick up and it was very clearly a young teen who was putting on a deep voice. I was utterly delighted, I’d never had a crank call before. He said, “I have a dildo emergency! Can you deliver 5 boxes of dildos to my home?!”
It took everything in me not to crack in that moment. It was so funny. It was like three kids had walked through the door in a trench coat and the phrase “dildo emergency” was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard.
But I kept it together. In smooth customer service tones I replied, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear you’re having an emergency, but due to the nature of our product we do require people to come pick it up themselves.”
The caller audibly deflated. Some of the deep voice he was putting on bled away when he said plaintively, “But it’s an emergency…”
“I’m sorry, sir, rules are rules.”
He hung up. I burst out laughing and told my coworker what had happened. She said, “I will buy you lunch if you call back and pretend you can deliver something.”
This sounded like an all around win for me, and the kid hadn’t used anything to block his number. So I called back.
“Hello!” This was before caller ID was common for home phones and so he picked up in his totally normal voice, several octaves higher than before.
“Hello, I’m calling regarding your dildo emergency?”
“Oh! Hem hem,” he coughed, getting his voice back into character for me. “Yes! The emergency!”
“Well I’ve spoken to my manager and it’s your lucky day. We’ll be able to make a delivery after all. Five boxes you said? We can swing it by later, we’ll just need your name, address, and credit card number.”
He was thrown by needing to provide info and was silent for a moment then said, “Well how much is it for five boxes?”
“About five hundred dollars, sir.”
He slipped out of his character voice to exclaim, “Five hundred dollars?! What kind of dildos are they?!”
“Just standard six inches with balls, sir.”
This was his breaking point. He started wheezing with laughter trying to repeat the phrase “six inches with balls” incoherently.
“So your address and card info?”
He hung up and I broke down laughing too. We both got a kick out of it, and I won the game twice in one day.
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foldingfittedsheets · 5 hours
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I had this idea for a silhouetted chicken ages ago and finally found time to finish it.
If you love the fluffy dinosaurs we still have you can find this on Redbubble, Teepublic, and Threadless
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foldingfittedsheets · 5 hours
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I’m starting a new job at a jewelry store and we were roleplaying appropriate ways to greet people. A lady was pretending to be a biker guy and I greeted her by asking if he had been riding that day. Then “he” asked if we had silicone rings. And no joke but I thought this lady was pretending to be a biker asking for cock rings and had no idea how to respond.
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foldingfittedsheets · 5 hours
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My DM wanted to commission some NPC art for our next campaign. This is a blacksmith, Sualla, a fire genasi dwarf lady!
My commission info is over here if you also want some rad DnD art, pet portrait, you name it, just hit me up.
If you don’t want to commission me but you think I make pretty stuff you like to look at you can pop me a few bucks on Ko-Fi.
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foldingfittedsheets · 5 hours
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The Faun's Love Story
Part One || Part Two (current) || Part Three
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The Faun's Love Story
Part One || Part Two (current) || Part Three
Fans of long gay comics can rejoice because this is finally done! The longest one yet, and the first three parter! Click through to parts two and three to finish Clove and Ning's story and to unlock Ning's mysterious backstory. (If you want to reblog them in sequential order, start with three, two, then one.)
If you enjoyed this or any of my previous long comics, please consider tipping on my Ko-fi!
These things take so much time and tips make a huge impact on my finances as I'm a poor broke art student and these comics are a labor of love!
If you'd like to never see these again please block the tag, "do you love the color of the comic" and you will be freed. If you want to see more comics check my pinned post for a directory of long gay comics.
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foldingfittedsheets · 16 hours
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@threnodyisdying you did it. You win the post.
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My DM wanted to commission some NPC art for our next campaign. This is a blacksmith, Sualla, a fire genasi dwarf lady!
My commission info is over here if you also want some rad DnD art, pet portrait, you name it, just hit me up.
If you don’t want to commission me but you think I make pretty stuff you like to look at you can pop me a few bucks on Ko-Fi.
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foldingfittedsheets · 17 hours
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One of the only straight cis dudes in the cohort kept misgendering my teammate during his posing and each misgender I’d loudly correct, “HE!”
Made eye contact with my teammate and he just beamed gratitude at me over his mask and I hit him with a quick wink. The offending guy finally just stopped using pronouns.
We’re doing photo compositing in class. So we’re doing lighting set ups to match outdoor photos we took and then the person poses. Trying to direct people to pose is honestly so challenging. Props to portrait photographers, this is a tough gig.
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foldingfittedsheets · 17 hours
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The intersection of people who went from selling sex toys to fine jewelry is small but fraught with misunderstandings.
I’m starting a new job at a jewelry store and we were roleplaying appropriate ways to greet people. A lady was pretending to be a biker guy and I greeted her by asking if he had been riding that day. Then “he” asked if we had silicone rings. And no joke but I thought this lady was pretending to be a biker asking for cock rings and had no idea how to respond.
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foldingfittedsheets · 17 hours
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We’re doing photo compositing in class. So we’re doing lighting set ups to match outdoor photos we took and then the person poses. Trying to direct people to pose is honestly so challenging. Props to portrait photographers, this is a tough gig.
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foldingfittedsheets · 18 hours
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There is a Russian speaking lady and her kiddo in the bathroom at school. It’s extremely unusual, but honestly a kiddo speaking Russian is something I seldom get to hear and it’s adorable.
Also she keeps adding “computer” in English and the name of my school in the middle of her sentences. Really endearing to eavesdrop on.
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foldingfittedsheets · 18 hours
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So several years ago I was in Taiwan with my betrothed and two of our other friends, one of whom was Taiwanese. One morning we had the bewildering experience of waking up to Beethoven’s Für Elise blaring through the misty morning streets.
We sat up in utter perplexity. We went to a window and watched people trailing after a garbage truck, chucking their trash bags at it while it slowly drove down the street, speakers pumping out orchestral music.
Three of us gathered at the window staring in rapt fascination and the one native friend was like. “Guys, it’s just the garbage truck song.”
Years later I can’t hear it without thinking of the garbage trucks.
So when I was working on Kilonova in our team space with twenty some people and heard Für Elise playing briefly my head popped up and I said, “Oh! The garbage truck song!”
I planned to explain but one of my teammates heads also shot up and said, “Yes!! The garbage truck song!!” I’d forgotten she was Taiwanese and we were both suddenly bonded in our mutual joy of knowing the garbage truck song together.
We then realized the rest of the team was just staring at us like ????
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foldingfittedsheets · 20 hours
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Woo! No other students waiting, I get to keep Hades until the 5th. It’s proving hard to find physical copies, they only did a limited run but I really prefer physical media… might need to get it digitally if I don’t finish the epilogue in good time.
Hades is due back at the library and I’m like :((( I’m not done. I wonder if I can check it back out? I can’t bring myself to buy it right now cause job and money stress but I haven’t finished the epilogue.
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foldingfittedsheets · 22 hours
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My betrothed didn’t want the stress of writing long vows for the wedding on Saturday and so we landed on four sentences each. I’ve never put more care into four sentences before.
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foldingfittedsheets · 23 hours
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Fans of lady dwarves will probably enjoy this fire genasi dwarf lady my DM commissioned
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My DM wanted to commission some NPC art for our next campaign. This is a blacksmith, Sualla, a fire genasi dwarf lady!
My commission info is over here if you also want some rad DnD art, pet portrait, you name it, just hit me up.
If you don’t want to commission me but you think I make pretty stuff you like to look at you can pop me a few bucks on Ko-Fi.
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If you loved Arcane as much as I did you might like my new design. What a nice surprise, a totally expected cupcake!
You can find this here and here on shirts, stickers, aprons (my personal fav) and a whole bunch of other stuff.
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