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httpsserene · 6 months

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hey can I request something that’s angsty to fluff and then smut for Oscar where reader gets a ton of hate for dating Oscar so she kind of ghosts him for a bit and they figure things out

𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐢 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐰/𝐨𝐩𝟖𝟏

📖𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: oscar really just wants to hear you laugh again. 📖𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: 18+ only. angst. fluff. happy ending. reader is exhausted physically and mentally. reader's internal monologue is not not nice. bad eating habits. bad sleeping habit. self-deprecation. don't worry she's back on her bs at the end. reader neglects herself (?) and her relationship. implied self-sabotage. people are mean. don't worry oscar is meaner. oscar piastri is a good boyfriend. emotional hurt/comfort. tenderness. intimacy. baths and pampering. crying (non-sexy). implied sex. implied bath sex. logan and lando as plot devices. no beta we die like my will to live during finals. 📖𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 5.1k words. 📖𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: oscar piastri x fem!reader 📖𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: oneshot w/ blurbs. 📖𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸: best i ever had • drake

𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲: sorry it took me so long, i've changed this fic like multiple times :/ hope it fulfills you request properly :))) this is not my favorite thing in the world, i feel like if i went on a smaller scale i would've enjoyed this more but what can you do. this is also not very black reader coded? idk but feel like it's lacking there. i also apologize for my inability to write an oscar fic without including lando, he's such a willing plot device though even if he's a little ooc. i also couldn't find the mental space to write smut but there's smth for you at the end. dedicated to us women in stem! i hope you have fun reading this because i didn't have fun writing it :)

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oscar is worried. you haven’t responded to his texts for a week, he hasn’t seen your face for two weeks, and he hasn’t heard your voice for three weeks. four weeks ago, you told him you wouldn’t be able to fly out to see him at the austin grand prix, like you promised. you sounded exhausted and incredibly guilty when you explained that your course load this semester is extreme, and finals are rapidly approaching. oscar understood; he won’t ask you to sacrifice your education for one of his races, there will be plenty you can come to in the future. what he doesn’t understand is how you’re still functioning. it’s your senior year of university at an american ivy league school, you're pursuing an engineering degree, and you’re also working nearly five days a week as a barista. oscar thinks the last time he’s seen you relaxed is before your fall semester started, you spent your entire summer break with him, making appearances at the only three races you’ve been to this season (silverstone, hungary, and spa). the last time he recalls seeing your smile and hearing your laugh is in august—it’s the end of october now.

you’ve been ghosting him. oscar wants to believe that it’s unintentional, that it’s just a side effect of the amount of work and pressure on your shoulders—but he can’t accept that. if you were unintentionally missing his calls, facetimes, and texts, you’d spam respond to all of them with a voice message or paragraphs of texts before you went to bed or class. you would send him daily or weekly recap videos of how life is treating you, like you used to do. you would send him stupid videos of you messing around on your shifts during a pause of customers. you would send him thirty reels a day on instagram of brain dead shenanigans with little captions of how you reacted, or if you thought it would make him smile. you would send him fit checks every morning before you went to class, even though your outfit consists of a hoodie and sweatpants. you would send him tiktok edits of himself and tell him that he needs to stop being ‘so hot’ because you almost barked in the middle of class. you would ask him how he’s doing, you would respond to his texts the minute you could even if it's hours late, you would leave him voicemails if he doesn’t pick up, you would make an attempt to communicate.

except, you haven’t. so, he knows that you ignoring him is intentional, and that your lifestyle right now makes it easier for you to disguise your avoidance of him as accidental.

you didn’t say ‘i love you’ back.

“mate, what are you frowning for?” oscar jumps, eyes flying up from the phone screen and meeting lando’s. the brit is staring at him in confusion, the two of them are still in their race suits, tied around their waists. the sprint race ended an hour ago, and they’ve just finished celebrating oscar’s win.

“you’ve won a race, oscar—what could possibly make you sad after that?” lando says teasingly. but, the smile on his face is quick to fade as he must see oscar’s dejected mood.

the australian debates his next move for a moment, before deciding that telling lando isn’t a bad idea; they’ve been getting closer—they’re friends, oscar would say. he sighs, and hands his phone to lando, maybe he’ll tell oscar he’s worrying over nothing.

“oh,” lando says, eyes widening, “i’m sorry, mate.”

oscar brushes off lando’s words, and buries his face in his hands, “she’s pulling away from me. that was five days ago, and she hasn’t answered any of my calls. she’s only responded to my texts since then with one word answers or very dryly. she’s ghosting me.”

oscar feels lando fumbling for words, not needing to look at him to know that the older man has no idea how to go about reassuring oscar.

“look, mate, if it were me i’d go see her anyways.”

oscar huffs, “she literally said she doesn’t have time.”

“oscar,” lando stares at him in disbelief, “she hasn’t seen you in two months. i guarantee she’s probably dying to see you again, fuck whatever time she doesn’t have. she also can’t ghost you, if you see her face to face. you should go and try to fix whatever’s wrong, before you let her slip away.”

“maybe…maybe she’s just burnt out,” oscar suggests shakily, “i’ll go see her after the triple header–i’m probably just overreacting about this. she’ll be back to her usual self in time.”

oscar is enraged. he’s pissed off at his fans for attacking you in a sick twist of ‘defending him,’ ‘protecting him’ and the supposed ‘ownership’ they think they have over him. he’s pissed off at you deciding to ghost him instead of confiding in him about the hate you receive. he’s pissed off that his flight to you has been delayed for four hours. he’s pissed off at his race in brazil, if you can even call what happened a race. he’s pissed off at the fact that you can’t make time to see him before vegas. he’s pissed off that you lied to him about picking up extra shifts at the cafe.

he stalked through your instagram the minute after he was allowed to escape debrief, hunting down your roomates accounts from where you’ve tagged them in an older post. he innocently made a group message to the two girls, figuring it would be kind and proper to inform them of his impending arrival to surprise you. and the two girls you shared an apartment with responded eagerly to his message telling him that you’ve been extremely stressed and almost depressed this semester, and that hopefully his appearance will break through to you in a way they are unable to. oscar asked them if they knew your work schedule for the week, since you never told him when you're working–and learned that you lied. you didn’t accept any extra shifts, matter of fact, you got all of your shifts covered for the next two weeks. apparently, all you have been doing is going to class, working, studying furiously, and crying. when he asks if there’s any reason besides the stress from work and school that has you crying, the girls decline to speak for you, and strongly suggest that he asks you himself when he arrives.

oscar’s no longer pissed at you for lying to him or for ghosting him–he’s hurt, but, he already understands your motive. you don’t want to worry him, so you bottle it up and distance yourself to not make him aware of how you're struggling. he won’t let you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone anymore, he’s going to see you and he’s going to take care of you, and then he’ll sort out the ignorant people on the internet.

when he’s at your apartment, you’ll be coming home from your last shift before your time off. and then, once he has you in his arms, he can make everything right again.

your hands are shaking; a result from the mix of stress and exhaustion that has been plaguing you for a few weeks. it takes you four and a half attempts to unlock the front door to your apartment—this is an improvement, yesterday it took you six times. a trembling sigh of relief exits your lungs as you shut the front door, triple checking that you lock the door properly. you remove all of your outerwear and slip out of your shoes, half-heartedly making an attempt to neatly place them in the organizer you have by the door. (you fail to register how there’s only two pairs of shoes stored away; yours and a pair of shoes that look too big to be one of the girls you live with—the usual sneakers the girls wear are nowhere to be seen.) you grunt as you tenderly put on your backpack and slowly make your way into the kitchen, off-handedly murmuring a “hi,” in the direction of the living room since you can hear the tv playing, but you don’t even spare a glance to see which roommate it is—you can’t stomach anymore human interaction today.

your walk is more of a waddle; your legs and feet are sore from working nine-hour shifts five days in a row, and also from going to class four out of those five days. you place your backpack on the small island, and continue to gently meander towards the fridge. your stomach aches at the thought of food—which is unfortunate, considering you’ve only had one meal today. regardless, you will shove a sandwich down your throat, you need the energy if you’re going to study for three hours before you go to bed.

you pause before you open the fridge, a note is stuck on the door with a magnet. your roommates are gone; the two girls have spontaneously decided to go spend the weekend with their boyfriends—you’re not going to complain, you have the apartment to yourself. a brief wave of loneliness washes over you, you were kind of looking forward to venting about the week you had to the girls in the morning, and also, couldn’t they have texted you this earlier today? who leaves old-fashioned notes on the fridge anymore? you pull out your phone to send a text in your group chat wishing them a nice weekend, and see that they did, in fact, text you that they would be gone—three days ago. and, you never responded, because you never saw it. you shrug, and send the text anyways, you’ve been incredibly busy and you’re bound to miss a few texts (especially the eighteen texts from oscar that remain unopened).

you're just going through a little bit of a slump, and you’ve had a bad day. you accidentally messed up three orders today (out of the hundred you fulfilled, so three isn’t really terrible), your running off of four hours of sleep (you’re more energized when you sleep less, anyways), and a customer accidentally bumped into you as you were walking to bring coffee to a table, causing the hot liquid to spill and burn a little spot on the back of your hand by your thumb. well, you know it wasn’t purely accidental, as the girl giggled to the group of friends she was with after she “bumped” into you. based on the way she was wearing a mclaren hoodie, you can make several guesses as to why she did it—you’re kind of shocked that she noticed you even though you wear a mask at work (you have for about a month, too many fans have noticed who you are), her hate for a relationship that’s not hers should be studied for science.

incidents like these have made your coworkers start to…dislike you. the decrease in tips when you’re assigned to the register causes you to be forced to be hidden behind coffee machines the entire shift, only making drinks the entire nine hours you’re there. it’s better for you though, at least you can have a physical barrier blocking the prying eyes you feel are judging you the entire time. if anything, the recent atmosphere at work made you want to put in your two weeks—but, you have bills to pay. you’re just glad you managed to find a way to get two weeks off so you can focus on school and prepare for your exams—you can’t afford to fail, it’ll cost your scholarship and then you’ll need more than the job you have right now to finish school.

the buzzing of your phone pulls you back to the present—oscar’s calling. you squeeze your eyes shut for a few seconds, before you blink and silence the ringer. if you speak to him, you won’t be able to hide your troubles from him any longer; he reads you as easily as a kid’s picture book. he definitely doesn’t need to deal with your problems after whatever the hell happened in brazil. the noise of your phone startled you into a new thought, however. if the girls aren’t in the apartment, why the fuck is the tv on? who did you greet when you walked past the main room without a glance?

“i was calling to tell you that i’ve got takeout from the asian restaurant you like, if you’re looking for something to eat,” oscar says gently.

it’s a testament to how extremely exhausted you are: you don’t scream, you don’t fight, you don’t run—you just flinch slightly, and turn around slowly to face your boyfriend…the man you’ve been avoiding for nearly a month. at the sight of him (his fluffy hair, his soft sweater, the confused and concerned glint in his eyes) your lip starts quivering, and your eyes start watering. oscar’s gaze softens into something sweet yet empathic, and he says, “i know it’s been a while since we’ve last talked, but i didn’t think you’d cry at the sight of me.”

you burst into tears with a sob, and in a second oscar’s got you wrapped up in his arms, one hand soothingly massaging your back, while the other cradles your head on his shoulder. your borderline hyperventilating, your tears have started to soak his sweater, and you’re sniffling every two seconds to avoid getting snot on him too. oscar doesn’t try to quiet your tears, he doesn’t ask about what’s making you cry, he doesn’t even try to tell you that everything will be fine—he just holds you as you cry it out and presses kisses into your hair. eventually, the flow of tears dries and you focus on pulling in shaky breaths of air to calm down. oscar switches to holding you to his chest with one arm while he uses the free one to reach across the counter and grab a tissue. wordlessly, he wipes the wetness off your cheeks and under-eyes, he even uses another tissue to wipe your nose, clearing away the snot that managed to escape. you almost start crying again at the tender treatment and the matching look in his eyes, but you muster enough strength to keep the happy tears from falling over the waterline.

oscar nods once, deeming his cleanup complete, and clears his throat, “i’m going to heat up the food. then, we’ll eat and you’ll tell me what’s wrong and if that has anything to do with why you’re ignoring me.”

there’s no attempt from you to keep the façade up any longer, all you do is nod and step to the side so he can grab the food from the fridge.

oscar has already cleared his plate and you’re still picking through half of yours. the two of you are sitting on opposite ends of the couch, teen wolf is playing on a low volume, and your eyes are tunneled on the screen even though oscar can see that you’re not paying attention at all. one of the characters is screaming about having to get his arm cut off (stiles, probably) and suddenly you start talking to oscar.

“it’s been a shit semester. if i wasn’t graduating in spring, i honestly think i would’ve dropped out or taken a gap-year. and, i knew what i signed up for as an engineering major, and i knew that working was only going to add more on my plate—but, it’s not like i can quit my job, i have bills to pay. so, juggling school and work is difficult, and i was managing fine. but, i guess i made the mistake of scrolling through twitter—which is truly my fault i think—and everyone on the internet was calling me a ‘terrible girlfriend’,” oscar watches you scoff out a choked laugh, “and, i obviously didn’t believe i was. in the beginning, at least. i mean, it’s like they expected me to be at every race by your side, like i’m not working my way through a hellscape of a degree. i watched every practice session, qualifying, and race—they’re literally the only hours i don’t spend studying or working. i brag about you to everybody who would listen, i missed hours of sleep just to speak to you on the phone for five minutes, i work as hard as i can so i can finish this degree early so i can be with you as early as possible, and they say that you deserve a better girlfriend.”

you pause and rub at your eyes furiously, mouth opening and closing as you take time to find the words to continue. oscar quiets the flare of anger at your distress, and stays silent, not wanting to interrupt your speech, this is the most you’ve said to him in a month.

“the thing is: i-i i let their words get to me. i think it’s because i was being kicked while i was down—or whatever the phrase is. i was already mentally exhausted, and i already believe that i’m not doing my best this year, i’m disappointing everybody who knows me, i’m a shit student—and just seeing everybody agree, even though they’re just randoms on the internet, tore me down. i even deleted all of the apps off my phone,” your voice has shifted into something desperate, “so i couldn’t see what they were saying about me anymore, but it’s like once i saw it, it never left my mind. i feel like everybody is staring at me with condescending eyes, like they all think i’m terrible. and, logically, i know that’s probably not true. but, this semester has pushed me past the point of being able to rationalize properly. so as a result, i have become a ‘terrible girlfriend’ to you; like a twisted self-fulfilling prophecy.

“i avoid your calls, i leave you on delivered for days, i respond with one word, i lie to my friends and say i was up all night talking to you on the phone when i was really crying and studying at the same time, i hold back from bursting into tears in the middle of my shifts when one of your ‘fangirls’ spills their drink over me for the third time. and while doing all of this, i was hoping you’d do the hard part and just break up with me,” your voice rings out sharply and you refuse to look at your boyfriend, afraid to see the look on his face.

“because…” you whimper slightly, tongue flicking out to lick at your lips anxiously, “you do deserve a better girlfriend.”

oscar is lost for words at your conclusion; seeing you, one of the strongest women he knows break down, is a sight he never imagined. a sense of guilt builds within him, knowing that he’s added to the deprecating thoughts in your brain by postponing this intervention for weeks. you may think that he deserves someone better, but he hasn’t been the best to you either recently. if oscar was half the man you think he is, he would’ve never allowed you to avoid him in the first place. oscar stands up, collects your plate and his, and places them on the coffee table. he turns and drops to his knees in front of you, resting his hands on your thighs, and squeezes them gently to grab your attention. it takes a minute, but eventually you allow your eyes to fall to meet his, and oscar breaks further at the lack of light in your eyes.

“i think,” oscar starts quietly, “that you expect me to break up with you and leave—am i guessing correctly?”

you blink down at him and shrug, biting your lip to prevent it from quivering.

“i also think, that if i flew all this way to see you, and that if i listened to your heartbreaking recollection of how this semester and how the world has been incredibly unkind to you, and that if i sat here and still broke up you—it’s not me that deserves a better girlfriend; it’s you that deserves a better boyfriend.”

stunned, you stumble over your disagreement, but oscar steadfastly continues.

“you did the right thing by deleting your socials—and that would explain why all three hundred of the reels i’ve sent you have gone unseen,” he laughs lightly, “and even if their words took root, you prevented yourself from being able to see more of it every time you used your phone; so even if my pride is not needed, i am proud of you for doing that. i’m even more proud that you sat here and told me that you aren’t doing well, that you didn’t make an attempt to lie, and that i didn’t have to force you to tell me,” oscar says seriously, holding steady eye contact with you to make sure you're hearing him.

“i wish that you would have mentioned the hate you’re receiving as soon as it started, and that you would have told me your mental health was suffering too. you know i do everything in my power to avoid reading anything with my name in it unless it’s a credible article—so imagine my surprise, when i learned about what people were saying about you through a twitter thread logan, of all people texted me about,” you snort out a laugh at the feigned disdain in oscar’s voice when he mentions the american driver.

“you know i have no issues embarrassing people on the internet for their incorrect claims—and i’d especially tear them to shreds for trying to drag you down. we’ve been together too long for you not to come to me about things like this, even if it’s something that mildly upsets you—i want to know, because then i can make it better, or i can at least try to. you haven’t complained to me about the grueling lifestyle once, as i worked my way up to f1; if anybody could be perfect, it would be you. so, let me try to be as perfect as you, and support you properly and thoroughly as you finish up this degree, baby.

“we’re soulmates, aren’t we?” it’s a question, but oscar states it like a fact, “and i know i can’t magically make the self-loathing disappear with one conversation, but i'll tell you that you’re the best girlfriend i’ve ever had countless times, until you believe me unquestionably.”

oscar watches your nose scrunch cutely as you sniffle, unable to stop the tears that leak from the corners of your eyes. sweetly, he catches them with his thumb before they fall. he stands up and tugs you to your feet, pulling you into a tight, warm hug.

“i love you, kanga,” oscar coos as he kisses your forehead.

“i love you the most, roo,” you answer back, leaning up to press a kiss to the corner of his lips.

“i’ve bought some lavender epsom salt and an embarrassing amount of bath bombs. will you let me take care of you tonight?” oscar asks quietly.

he sees the mix of awed-disbelief and confusion as you stare up at him, like you can’t imagine why he’d want to love you tenderly tonight, and that hurts him more—the words of his ‘fans’ online have done enough damage to cause you to doubt him. maybe he can convince you to come to vegas with him so he can keep you close, but first, he needs to focus on caring for you here and now.

oscar grabs his duffle bag and smiles as you hold his hand to lead him to your room and the attached bathroom (rent is ridiculously expensive, but at least you don’t have to share a bathroom with your roommates.) oscar sends you to grab pajamas while he starts filling the tub, epsom salt already poured in. he fiddles with the temperature for a while before it’s set to the boiling-your-skin-off hot you enjoy. by the time you join him in the bathroom, he’s added the salts and soap in the water and has placed the bath bombs out for you to choose one. oscar can’t help the small smile that rises to his face at the sight of the serious furrow of your brow as you pick out your favorite from the bunch.

oscar hums as you hand him the jade-infused bath bomb, and asks, “can i wash your hair too? or will it mess up your schedule?”

“i actually really need to wash it,” you murmur with a humorless chuckle, “i’ve been so busy that i haven’t been taking care of my hair properly.”

oscar blinks and continues non-judgmentally, “i’ll give you an extra scalp massage to make up for that—you can start getting undressed now, the water’s nearly ready.”

he turns around awkwardly, he’s seen you naked before but he feels like it would be slightly perverse to watch you while you’re clearly in a more sensitive state tonight. he fumbles with the faucet for a few seconds before turning it off, and drops the bath bomb into the water so it can start dispersing. oscar faces you again carefully making sure he avoids staring at your body and locks eyes with you, he beckons you forward with an outstretched hand and holds your hand as you submerge yourself in the water. once you’re settled comfortably, oscar grabs your hair products (he holds up any bottle he thinks you may not want to use tonight, and you give him a thumbs up or down to decide), and then kneels at your side.

he starts to roll up the sleeves of the hoodie but your hand halts his motions, the water splashing loudly at the quickness of your movement, “you’re not getting in with me?”

“uh,” oscar stutters, “i-i wasn’t planning on it. i just wanted to give you a nice bath.”

oscar pinkens as you stare at him wordlessly and when your unimpressed gaze shifts to a slight glare, he finds himself shedding his clothes and sinking in behind you at an impressive speed.

his heart began to race as the two of you shifted into as comfortable of a position you could achieve in a too-small tub, but calmed at your pleased hum as you settled between his legs with your back resting on his chest. this may be the most romantic experience oscar has ever indulged in. sure, it’s not a candlelit dinner at an obnoxiously expensive restaurant but, it’s him detangling your hair, it’s him massaging shampoo into your crown, it’s him scratching softly along your scalp as the deep conditioner sits, it’s you playing with the water innocently, it’s you whispering every detail of your life that he’s missed out on, it’s you gently directing him through braiding your hair, and it’s him pressing kisses to your shoulder when he finishes. there isn’t a single moment where the two of you become unsettled during lapses of silence; the intimacy of his actions is loud enough to fill the gaps. oscar can’t imagine ever being this comfortable with anybody besides you, he hates that he almost allowed you to pull completely away from him. moments like these, where you allow yourself to be thoughtlessly vulnerable with him, are exactly why he’s completely enamored with you.

your body has loosened against him, muscles syrupy and lax from the effects of a toe-curling scalp massage, and oscar gently guides you to sit upright while steadying most of your weight with a single hand splayed against your abdomen. the sound of the cap of your body wash clicking open startles you into the present, and you shift around to straddle his lap. it’s amusing; he inaudibly chuckles at the sight of you struggling to complete your change of position without sending water over the edge. you make a triumphant noise when you’ve managed to turn around to face him, and oscar’s hands cradle your hips when you rest on his lap.

“can i–”

“shouldn’t you–”

oscar bursts into laughter and you into giggles, at the interruption of each other's sentences. it’s definitely not that funny, but oscar’s heart skips a beat at the sound of your laugh–he hasn’t heard that sweet noise in what feels like forever. he motions for you to speak, ever the gentleman, and eagerly awaits for our question with a smile still stretched across his lips.

“shouldn’t you fuck me before we wash up? so we don’t have to clean up twice?”

oscar chokes on his breath, his grip on you tightening in surprise, and he babbles, “what? no-i mean, yes, i mean—wait. i didn’t do all of this just to have sex with you, you know that right? i genuinely just wanted to pamper you–”

“oscar,” you cut him off, intentionally this time around, “after the semester i’ve had, and the less than kind words i’ve heard and thoughts i’ve had describing myself–i really do appreciate the bath, i feel reminded that you love me. however, i really think that having sex would help…solidify your devotion for me.”

oscar blinks up at you, he wasn’t quite expecting you to return to your normal sassy behavior as quickly as you did. but, he is thankful that you’ve opened up to him with no further hesitation–it’s actually incredibly attractive of you, how you’ve resumed complete comfortability in expressing exactly what you want to him. at least, that’s the excuse he’s telling himself to cope with being half-hard already.

“...at least let me take you to bed, then?”

“no,” you whine down at him, your hips sneakily twitching forward, oscar moans lightly at the light grind, “too far! saves time later if we don’t have to come back to shower.”

“you’re right,” oscar hums distractedly, moving his right hand off your waist to slip between your thighs and brush along your cunt, “i’ll fuck you here as long as you let me do all of the work.”

oscar’s blood heats at the sound of your whimpering moan and he takes his other hand off your waist to grab at your chin and he pulls you down for a kiss.

oscar groans when you pause before your lips touch his, and he feels the breath of your giggle ghost over his mouth, “mmm, i’ll never say no to that—and, didn’t i agree to let you take care of me tonight?”

taglist: @saintslewis @cherry2stems @lorarri @inloveallthetime @mindless-rock @biancathecool @barnestatic @my-ylenia @katekipshidze @darleneslane @lovingaphroditesworld @smoothopz

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here2bbtstrash · 7 months

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as promised, here it is: The Big Life Update Post (aka m where the hell have u been and what the hell is going on with this blog)

TLDR: went thru it, came out better for it, i love y'all. and we're getting back into this writing thing as i have the time and capacity 🥳

2023 has been a bit of a whirlwind, to put it very mildly. while the first three months started off relatively smoothly, my saturn return began in the middle of march. only a few short weeks after that... well, i'd basically say everything went off the fucking rails.

content warning: drama talk incoming ft. extremely brief mentions of racism and racist hate mail (no specific details shared).

i haven't spoken on this yet since everything happened, and i want to be explicitly clear that i won't be speaking on it further after this post. but i just want you to understand where i've been at since april.

i will own it entirely and say: i fucked up. i put content in a story that i shouldn't have, that i had no business speaking on, and i think people were well within their right to call me out on it, one hundred percent. however, after i went offline at the end of april, my friends ended up learning that the person who initially stirred up all of the "tea", and submitted the first several anonymous posts about me to a hate blog, was actually someone i knew well and considered a friend.

this was someone whose stories i gladly beta'd, someone i consoled through multiple hard moments in their life, someone i actually even met in person. yep. this was also someone who had read the chapter of my story that featured the problematic content when it was released, and proceeded to send me paragraphs upon paragraphs of how much they enjoyed it, and the story as a whole. this is not to say that people can't change their minds on content after sitting with it, not at all. but to think that i had been through so much with this person, done so much to be there for them, and that they never once gave me any reason to think we were anything other than close friends. yet ultimately, they didn't feel they could come directly to me... or find quite literally any other way of dealing with the issue?

instead, they chose to send multiple messages about me to a hate blog, as well as hateful anons to several of my friends, thinking that we wouldn't know it was them (we did). not only that, but their actions encouraged an actual torrent of racist hate mail to be sent to all of my non-white friends who publicly chose to support me. ultimately, they ended up admitting all of this, and still, they never once apologized or showed even a single iota of remorsefulness or responsibility for the onslaught of vitriol they incited. (even though, you know, this whole thing was supposedly about how racism is bad.)

and this user is still on the platform, operating under a new blog name and pseudonym. so. that's fun. 💀

i don't say this to beat a dead horse, or to drum up sympathy, because i promise i don't want it. it's been long enough, i understand the mistakes i made, and i've done my part to take accountability for my actions. but i needed to start this post here to have you all understand where i was at the end of april - just in time for yoongi's tour 🤪 - in many ways, i felt like i had no friends, at least none that i could really trust. i felt unsure who might have been acting one way to my face, perhaps even praising me, but talking different about me behind my back. and it was beyond fucking nervewracking to think that i would be meeting so many friends IRL for the first time, quite literally days after what essentially felt like a public execution.

i wasn't doing well, to say the least.

and then... the funniest thing happened.

y'all showed the fuck up for me. in droves. in a way that i have quite literally never experienced in my lifetime and doubt i ever will again. even recounting it now is lowkey giving me chills. i received, literally, yes i counted, hundreds of DMs from the most incredibly kind people- on tumblr, on twitter, on discord, in AO3 comments. the vast majority of you wrote paragraphs: about what my stories have meant to you, about how you found my blog to be a safe space in the noise of the world, about how much you'd enjoyed our time together here. so many of you said something along the lines of "even if you never come back here again, please keep writing". honestly, for like a week straight all i could do was read my DMs and cry and cry and cry.

i didn't receive a single hateful DM. not one.

as if that alone isn't more blessings than i deserve in an entire lifetime, i also, you know. saw five shows of agust d on tour. (my credit card is still recovering.) spent two of the best nights of my life in pit getting a water bottle baptism and screaming myself hoarse. and met dozens of incredible moots, who held me when i cried, scream-laughed with me, and of course, drank plenty of booze with me.

at a time where i wondered to myself if i even had a single true friend in this fandom (or, like, in the world), you all showed me that i had so much more. that we had so much more-- we had a community. and i believe we still do. and i am more than ready to block out all the shit that doesn't matter and get back to having some fun around here.

in short: thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. if you sent me a sweet word, i promise you, i read it (and probably cried lmao). i wouldn't be doing any of this without you. i will never ever deserve all the love that you have shown me. but for as long as you'll have me, i'd love to have a fun stupid horny time in this little corner of the internet. as a part of our community. what a fucking gift it is. 🫶

phew. okay, so- that was april and may. it's november. what the fuck happened?

i knew i wanted to properly take time to get my head on straight before i found my way back to writing. what i wasn't expecting was to 1. fall in love, 2. get a new job, and 3. move myself and my cat approximately 800 miles across the country... but yeah, since the end of may, those 3 things are exactly what i've been doing!

i won't talk too much about my partner here, because our relationship is important enough to me that i want to keep it largely private, but my god. he is the most incredible human. i can't tell you how much of what i wrote out as silly little daydreams in my fanfiction has somehow manifested itself into this very real human being (like, it's kinda crazy lmao 🙈). i'm grateful for him every single day. and what makes it even more special is that we met for the first time in person while i was traveling for yoongi's tour - yep! he saw me going through so much upheaval, and fell for me all the same. just another thing i will never fully believe i deserve. but goddamn do i feel luckyyyyy 🥰

and in addition to my amazing partner (and in part because of him but honestly i had plans to move before i had even met this man it just happened to work out okay 🙄) i have also finally managed to do what i've been planning for the last year and a half, which is move my ass out of the southern suburbs where i'd been for nearly a decade, and to a ✨walkable city that actually has public transit✨ - what a fucking dream. i may have only been here 8 days, and i may not have much more to my name than my cat, my TV, and my mattress, but i swear to god, i've never been this happy in my entire life.

so yeah. exhale. like i said, it's been quite the year.

now i do want to end this with a small caveat, which is to say, i can't make a promise as to how much i can *be* here (particularly not compared to how terminally online i used to be lmao). i spent a lot of time online because i was unhappy and feeling very stuck with where i was in life, and i needed escapism, bad. now, i've finally gotten to a place where i'm excited to go out of my house and do things, but i still want to make intentional time for tumblr as a form of connection and community, and writing as a form of creative expression. these things are really important to me!!! i just ask that you give me some grace if i'm a little slow on the uptake. i promise i'm still here 🥰

and writing is gonna happen!!! i can't say much more than that, because tbh i haven't so much as opened a google doc since april, but i've been itching to get back to it. maybe.... we might start off....... with some........... drabble requests??? 👀 we'll see we'll see we'll see hehe.

in any case, i think that's more than enough for now 🤪 oh how i've missed babbling to you all, the gay people in my phone. i hope you're well, and if ya feel so inclined, i'd love it if you'd send me a comment or a DM on what you've been up to in the many months it's been since we've spoke! what's new in your life? what are we manifesting??

talk so so soon, eeeeee~ i'm so happy to be back~ love you babes!!! 🤍

#mposting #quite literally the longest mpost of all time #if you read the whole thing i LOVE YOU #if you don't i understand lmao i too have adhd

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marvelouslizzie · 1 year

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unconventional methods - chapter 3

Summary: Bucky and Bunny finally find some time to talk and clear things up. Will communicating solve their problems?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader (SHIELD Agent Bucky Barnes x Adult Content Creator SHIELD Agent Reader)

Word Count: 7.6K

Warnings: 18+ NSFW MINORS DNI, sex deprivation, touch-starved couple, pet names, oral sex (f and m receiving), fingering, p in v sex with no protection (both parties are clean and she’s on birth control), slight dirty talk if you squint, having a hard time to vocalize wants or needs, mentions of past trauma, mentions of forced sex work, overthinking, emotional support, no mention of y/n.

A/N: Once again, thank you so much for showing interest in this story. This is the last chapter but if you wonder something about this couple, if you want some headcanons or you have ideas about them, you can always send me a request. Not just about this story, don’t hesitate to message me or send me a question. Unless it’s a hate message. They are never welcome.

If you didn’t read the first or the second chapter, you definitely should before reading this one.

unconventional methods - chapter 1

unconventional methods - chapter 2

marvelous lizzie’s masterlist

Once again a big thank you to @notafunkiller and @es1dit for everything. They helped me so much. I can’t thank them enough for supporting me during this journey.

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission. Every like, comment, and reblog is highly appreciated.

Read more tag starts after the first paragraph of the story.

<<< Previous Chapter

As she promised, Agent Elvisa was waiting for Bucky at the SHIELD headquarters when he returned. Despite being tired and wounded, he was much calmer than before. Taking some time to reflect made him realize how harsh he was. He just felt betrayed and humiliated before, but after seeing what she had been working on, seeing those people suffering in the hands of HYDRA and having the privilege to help them made him understand this wasn’t about him. This whole thing was a critical mission, and they were just caught up in the mess.

The problem was that he didn’t know how to proceed anymore, but luckily Agent Elvisa approached him at the first opportunity.

“Hey,” Her voice felt so soothing to his ears. He always thought she had a silky tone, and enjoyed it in the videos she shared, but hearing it in real life was a completely different experience. Especially when they weren’t fighting.

“Hey.”

“You are bleeding.” Her eyes were fixed on his left eyebrow. It was a simple cut, one that would heal by itself, but she looked concerned nonetheless.

“It’s fine.” His response came instantly. “I will be healed soon.”

“No.” She shook her head, rejecting his oversimplification. “It needs to be cleaned.”

“Believe me, I have had worse wounds that healed by themselves.”

His response made her grimace. “You thought that would convince me, but it made it even worse.” She gently grabbed his arm and steered him to another room. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“I’m just gonna clean the cut, okay? I don’t wanna hear any complaints.”

It was impossible for Bucky not to smile a little. It’s been a while since someone was worried about him. The fact that someone cared about him enough to make a big deal out of a simple cut made him feel... cared for. That’s why he followed her without saying a word. Agent Elvisa made him sit down while looking for a first aid kit.

“We should talk,” she said while opening and closing some drawers.

“Is that why you insisted on cleaning the wound?”

“Yes and no. I think it should be cleaned, but I also wanted to talk. I’ve been thinking a lot since you left.”

“Me too, but I don’t think we should do it here.” Bucky didn’t want someone to eavesdrop. This was an extremely private thing to talk and SHIELD headquarters weren’t the place.

“Okay.” She finally looked back at him. “There’s no first aid kit here.”

Bucky looked around, making a point without saying anything. It didn’t look like this particular room would have any first aid kits.

“Fine.” She accepted the defeat. “You are right, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna give up. Wait here until I find a first aid kit.” She raised her index finger. “Do not move.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She smiled at him before leaving the room.

***

Bunny struggled to find the medical kit she needed, but when she finally did, she quickly made her way back. She stopped in her tracks as soon as she heard Natasha's voice when she got closer to the door.

“So that’s it?” She heard Natasha asking.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Natasha.”

“Just don’t hold this against her. She had no idea.”

“I’m aware of it. That’s not the problem.” Bucky sounded a bit defensive.

“Then what is the problem?”

“I just…” He stopped for a second. “I just don’t know what is real and what’s not anymore. That’s the problem.”

Hearing that last sentence just shattered her heart. She didn’t even know who he was until that video call yet he was questioning everything, every conversation they had. It made her feel like crap. Like he was no different from the men who treated her like shit just because of what she was doing. It was foolish of her to believe that he was different.

Harshly, she pushed the door all the way and stormed inside. Bucky and Natasha looked in her direction, completely blindsided by her presence.

“Oh, hey. I was just talking to–” Natasha tried to talk, but she didn’t even glance in her direction.

“You don’t need this.” Slamming the first aid kit on the table, she looked directly at Bucky. “You don’t need me and believe me when I say, I don’t need you. I just wanted to talk and make things clear, but now I understand that’s not what you want at all. I don’t need to explain myself to you. I don’t need convince what part of me is real. If you're questioning this... this thing between us or what we shared, you can go to hell.”

Her rage caught them off guard. And before he could say anything, she stormed out of the room. Bucky and Natasha stared at each other, feeling completely lost.

“Go after her, you loon!” Finally, Natasha snapped him out of his shock and he quickly took her advice. When he finally caught up with her, she was about to hop on her motorcycle.

“Bunny!” Hearing him call her Bunny again made her stop.

“What?”

“What the fuck was all of that?” He looked confused and angrier than before. “You are gonna tell me to go to hell and just leave?”

“I heard your conversation, Bucky. What’s there to talk about if you think some things we shared weren’t even real.”

“I didn’t say they were not real.”

“You said you don’t know what was real and what was not.” She repeated what she remembered from their conversation.

“I’m just confused, okay? I didn’t do this for a long time. Why do you think I started to follow you to begin with? I’m socially awkward and anxious. I’m clueless and after learning about your mission, I’m confused. I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

“I waited for you to return. I tried talking to you back there and you didn’t want to. And then I come to hear that you are questioning what was real. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“I didn’t say I don’t wanna talk, did I? I just didn’t want anybody else to hear what happened between us.”

His explanation made her stop for a second. “Then why didn’t you just say that?”

“I just told you. I’m awkward and anxious, okay? But I do wanna talk. I wanna understand. I’ve just come from the mission you’d been working so hard for. I saw how important it was. I understand this whole thing wasn’t about me, but you have to stop and think about how things look from my perspective when you say this was just a mission for you. I deserve some explanation. I think I deserve that much.”

He was talking much calmer than before, trying to explain what he thinks. It made her notice how different things could be from his side. He simply had no clue. Just bits and pieces.

“Fine, let’s talk then.” She sighed deeply. “Your place or mine?”

“Yours. Mine is a mess.”

***

It didn’t take them long to arrive at her place. Bucky couldn’t help but look around carefully the moment he stepped inside. It was a small apartment with a single bedroom. The door was open, so he could actually see inside her private space and nothing seemed familiar. Which made him realize she did not do her photoshoots here. None of the content she shared was taken here. Nothing besides the photos she sent him privately. From day one, he was allowed to see her, in a vulnerable state, in her own home. If that wasn’t a sign of trust, what was?

“Do you wanna drink something?” Her question brought him back to reality.

“I don’t think so.”

“Maybe a glass of water?” She suggested, thinking he must be exhausted from the mission.

He answered after considering the offer. “That would be good actually.”

She quickly made her way to the kitchen, drinking a glass of water herself and then bringing him another. Bunny was sitting across from him when he finished drinking.

“So… What do you wanna know?” She asked as Bucky places the empty glass on the coffee table, getting right into the conversation.

“I just wanna know…” God, there were too many questions on his mind, but nothing was more important than this one. “Why did you start talking to me?”

“I answer almost every DM. It was a part of my mission: finding potential HYDRA hunters.” Her answer disappointed Bucky, but he just nodded quietly. “Yet I don’t keep talking to every one of them. I told you before.”

“You told me you end the conversation when it gets too far.”

“Yes, I don’t entertain people in my DM’s. I just try to act like a normal adult content creator so they won’t suspect anything.”

“Is that what you were doing when you answered me?” Bucky wanted to know more details. He wanted to learn what changed and when.

“I was just answering a cute DM and you kept talking to me, differently compared to others. You were concerned while they were just wondering about the lack of content. I was sick, and feeling lonely. It was a huge mistake sending you a photo, but I’m lucky it didn’t jeopardize the mission. If it was someone else, it could’ve been a big problem. Not only HYDRA hunters, but there are also stalkers you know…” She noticed he was getting concerned about her safety. Then she quickly added, “Most of them are just shooting their shots, trying to see if they can score with me or if they can get some private content.”

“Right.” He sounded so uncomfortable, thinking about how hard it must be.

“I’m good at detecting when they try to steer the conversation that way, so I do something before it’s too late. And you…” She took a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts. “You never tried to do that. You kept talking to me like I’m a normal human being. You asked regular questions. I wondered how long it would take you to say something inappropriate, and you never did.”

“And that’s why you kept talking to me.”

“Yes. I liked talking to you. And then I found you extremely hot.” Bucky gave her a puzzled look. “When we exchanged photos.”

“Oh, right.” Extremely hot? he wondered, but didn't say it out loud.

“Talking to you was the best part of the whole operation, other than finally catching those bastards. You made my days bearable. I was looking forward to talking to you, getting to know you while trying not to get too invested because god knows how many married men use those platforms.”

“Best part of the operation?” Bucky repeated her words, his tone indicating he was having a bit of a hard time believing that was possible.

“I was lonely, Bucky. Isolated. Mistreated. After a long time, someone was talking to me like a normal human being. He was also a good-looking guy as far as I could see. I just let myself enjoy it, it shouldn’t be a crime.”

“I enjoyed it, too, you know.” He was trying to take everything in. “That’s why it hurt so much when I saw you in that meeting. I was shocked.”

“I didn’t expect to see you in that meeting. If I’d known, I would’ve talked to you during the video call. I was sure that we’d have time to speak face to face and explain that this was a mission, but you were the real part of this for me.” She was getting emotional, but she tried to hold her tears back. It was really hard to explain herself like this because she was always blamed for most of the stuff. Especially what happened to her in the past when she was captured by HYDRA. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. Just believe me, it was unintentional.”

“I wish you just explained everything to me when you saw who I was.”

“I was scared,” she admitted. “I was talking to my work crush the whole time, without knowing. I was afraid to mess it up. I thought you would get mad when you learn that the whole thing was an undercover operation and I’d lose my chance to explain everything.” She took another deep breath, trying to calm herself down. The fear of rejection was growing in her belly. A part of her was certain all the clarifications in the world wouldn’t be enough to make him stay.

“Bunny...” She tried hard to hide her tears, but it was in vain. It was no surprise that Bucky noticed them right away. A second later, he moved right next to her, closing the distance between them. “Are you crying?”

“No.” Even though it was obvious, she tried to deny it at first. “I’m fine.”

Bucky gently touched her face, afraid to startle her, then carefully wiped a tear away with his thumb.

“Please, don’t cry.” His hand remained on her face, and she leaned into his touch immediately. “Especially not because of me.”

“It’s just...” Bunny sniffed. “I know I ruined everything. No excuse will be good enough to fix things.”

“What are you talking about?” He was still gently caressing her cheek.

“I know that… you won’t forgive me, Bucky.”

Her words were clear enough, but it was the way she said those words that broke Bucky. Her pained voice and watery eyes… The realization finally hit him. She was really afraid of losing him. She actually thought they wouldn't be able to put this behind them. She assumed he would just decide to move on with his life after clearing things up. That was the exact same thing he was worried about all this time. He thought Bunny didn’t need him, that she could just continue her life without him.

He had no idea how long it had been since he felt someone actually cared about him this much and wanted him to stay after everything that happened. The feeling of being wanted by her was strange but so very welcome.

“You didn’t.” He slowly closed the distance between them, and his lips lightly brushed against hers. For a second, she had a bit of a hard time registering what’s just happened, but when she finally did, she started to kiss him back. He moved his lips as if he was afraid to break her, but in reality, he was afraid of his own reaction. It had been so long since someone touched him or kissed him. Her lips moving against his own made him whimper. He had no idea what to do with his hands, while Bunny angled her head a little and deepened the kiss. Her lips started to move more hungrily, letting out low moans as she kept on tasting him.

Bucky closed his eyes and let himself go. He was so lost in this, he didn’t realize Bunny was moving until he felt her weight on top of him. He opened his eyes just to see her wrapping her arms around his neck as she was tightening her legs around his torso. His head fell back, his mouth gaping as he let out a deep moan. Feeling her whole body pressed against him was simply too much.

“Touch me, Bucky.”

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but it was the hardest thing he’s ever done so far. Looking into her eyes, he tried to get used to their proximity and her softness. His hand slowly moved back on her face, fingers gently grazing her skin as he tried to convince himself this wasn’t a dream. Bunny closed the distance between them and started to kiss him more hungrily than before. Lips moving fast, tongues and teeth cluttering... Bucky’s hands moved down to her neck, then to her collarbones, and kept on moving until he settled them on her waist. His mouth moved to her neck, slowly nibbling to see her reaction. Bunny’s loud moan was enough to make him start tp suck on her skin.

“God, please…” She sounded so desperate. “Please touch me.”

Bucky tightened his grip on her waist, reminding her that he was actually touching her, but that wasn’t enough. Impatiently, she grabbed both of his hands and pushed them against her breasts. All he could do was just blinking a couple of times before squeezing them a little bit harsher than he intended. He was so afraid of how rusty he would be at this, but Bunny let out a satisfied moan, proving him wrong. That was all he needed. His warm hands left her breasts, just to slip them under her top, making her gasp. Her skin was soft and welcoming as he moved them up to her breasts again.

“Can I?” He lingered on her bra, wanting it off. She nodded eagerly.

It took him several tries to finally unclasp it, but Bunny didn’t offer her help, just waiting for him to get rid of it. As soon as it was unhooked, she removed her top and bra simultaneously, revealing her bare breasts. He looked mesmerized by her like he didn’t see her naked before, and it made her smile.

“Remember when you were talking about my nipples?”

“Yeah?” Bucky’s eyes didn’t leave her breasts, not for a second.

“You can do all of that now.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He cupped both of her breasts, perking them up. One hand was colder than the other, but she didn’t care one bit. If nothing, that was proof the man in front of her was Bucky Barnes in flesh and blood and not a wet dream. He leaned in and started to leave soft kisses at first, then his lips wrapped around one of her nipples, and his tongue swirled around. He took his sweet time as if he was tasting the most delicious dessert on earth. He used his free hand to massage her other breast as he kept licking her nipple. Unable to control her reaction, her back arched.

“Oh fuck!” Everything he was doing with his tongue was sending waves of pleasure through her body. She could feel the wetness starting to pool between her legs. She was more ready for the next step. His rock-hard erection poking at her core made it even harder to stay in control. She started to move her hips, trying to get a little friction, and that finally made him break away from her nipple. The loud wet sound caused her to bite her lower lip, his hands quickly wrapping around her body before he unexpectedly stood up.

“What are you doing?” She sounded so surprised, and Bucky chuckled in response. Her legs tightened around his torso while he started to walk towards her bedroom.

“Taking you to bed.” As soon as he was done speaking, he dived back into her neck, kissing her lightly while walking.

In a few seconds, Bucky layed her gently on the edge of the bed, and she quickly raised herself up on her elbows to watch him grabbing her pants and underwear without losing any time and tugging them down. He looked at her with utter hunger while trying to convince himself this was really happening. Slowly he kneeled, gently placing his hands on her tights, and looked up at her.

“Can I taste you?” How he asked this question felt like he was asking for a glass of water after a long day.

“We can do that later, come here.” She wanted to feel his skin against hers, already missing his warmth.

“I promise I will do whatever you want, just please, let me taste you first.” The desperation in his voice was making it hard to say no, so she nodded. For a second, he looked like a kid on Christmas morning, giving her the biggest smile.

Bucky’s hands slowly moved on her legs, trying to feel every inch of her. The motion was also helping him to ground himself. Slowly he leaned in, but instead of doing what she was hoping for, his lips landed on her thighs, leaving a wet trail of kisses. As time passed, the wetness started to drip from her center, making it even more evident. Not only could he see it, but he could also smell how intoxicating it was.

Finally, when he was satisfied with his work, his tongue lightly brushed directly against her clit. They both moaned at the same time for different reasons. While she was electrified by the feeling of his tongue, he was getting lost in her taste. It was so good, he couldn’t help but lick a couple more times in a row like he was starving.

“Fuck, yes!” She whined as the pleasure started to spread. “Oh god, yes!”

Bucky was busy licking her from bottom to top, and every time his tongue brushed against her clit, Bunny was making the most delicious sounds. Unexpectedly, he pushed both of his hands under her ass and pulled her close to his mouth.

“Bucky!” Her yelp amused him, but he didn’t stop. By focusing on her clit, he was able to deepen his licks and elevate the pleasure by flattening his tongue against her clit fast. This new sensation made her legs buckle, and she grabbed his hair way more harshly than she anticipated.

“F-fuck, Bucky. Keep going, p-please.” He had no intention to do otherwise. As his tongue continued to work, Bunny kept on begging. “I-I’m close. Please, don’t s-stop!”

When she finally reached the climax, her entire body was burning with pleasure. She was mindlessly moaning and gripping his hair as he continued to work through her orgasm. After a while, her hands let go of his hair, and that’s when he started to slow down.

“Are you okay?” His chin was resting on her lower tummy.

She took a deep breath before answering. “I’m more than okay.”

Before moving his head back between her legs, Bucky chuckled. Her eyes instinctively lowered when she felt the shift just to see him pushing his middle finger inside her without any warning. She jerked back while gasping for air.

“Bucky!”

“What?” He asked with a smirk. Before she could even open her mouth to respond, he started to move his fingers, and whatever she was going to say did not matter anymore. Soon, his finger was already soaked with her arousal, so he didn’t wait long to add the second finger.

“Shit, Bucky, this feels so good.” She moved her hips up to increase the friction as she spoke.

“Stay put, doll.” His metal hand settled on her tummy, pushing her down as gently as possible. “Just let me…” He thrusted his fingers harder than before, pressing against the upper walls.

“Oh my fucking god…” She cried out while he felt how she started to squeeze his fingers. She was getting closer, but he wanted this orgasm to be much better than the previous one. After licking his lips at the thought of tasting her again, he leaned in to give her another lick. Suddenly, Bunny’s hand was back in his hair, gripping harder than before.

“Yes, yes, yes. Bucky, yes!” He wanted to smile so badly, but he had something more important to do. As he continued to lick her, he added a third finger, hoping this would push her over the edge. The way she moaned was the most sinful thing he ever heard, and he was already dying to hear it again. He kept moving his fingers quicker and felt her grip tightening in his hair.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, Bucky… Please, don’t stop!”

He wanted to say he won’t, not until she comes again, but he couldn’t. He knew better not to change anything when she was begging for more. Bunny's second orgasm ripped her apart as he kept moving his fingers in and out relentlessly. She kept repeating his name like prayer until the pleasure turned into overstimulation.

“Oh my god,” She spoke after taking another deep breath. She felt like she was floating as her recent orgasm still made her lightly jerk a little. When Bucky finally removed his fingers, she trembled one more time.

“How are you feeling?” She felt Bucky moving onto the bed..

“Great.” She had a huge smile on her face, which made his heart swell with pride.

Bunny jumped on top of him as soon as he lay next to her. Although he was surprised by the sudden change, he moved his hands to her hips and began to caress her.

“I think it’s time to get you undressed, Sergeant Barnes.”

For the first time, she saw how her words affected him up close as his gaze changed into something darker. She kept on looking in his blue eyes while she leaned down and gave him a kiss on the lips before bringing her mouth right under his ear.

“Will you take your clothes off for me, Sarge?” The way she was talking sent shivers down his spine.

“As you wish.”

Bucky rolled her over so suddenly, she couldn’t even understand what was happening until her back touched the mattress. He quickly stood up and started to undress under her glare. Her eyes focused on his upper body until it was time to take his boxers off. His erection sprung out, and she could already feel her mouth watering at the sight.

“Is this better?” He raised both of her hands with a smile on his face.

“Much better. Now come here.” She gently patted the empty space right next to her, and he silently obeyed. As soon as he sat down, Bunny was all over him. She gently pushed him down. Her hands slowly moved down to his body, enjoying how his skin felt against hers. Firm and warm. She drew circles with her hands, caressing the same places over and over again until Bucky couldn’t help but moan at the sensation.

“You like that, baby?” The way she was speaking, that fucking tone… God, he was melting inside.

“Yes.” He breathed out. “So much.”

“Want me to touch you more?”

He nodded so eagerly, Bunny couldn’t just look at his beautiful face. She leaned down to give him a kiss. His hands quickly wrapped around her body, pulling her closer. It was messy and wet until Bunny moved her lips to his cheeks. He huffed with disappointment, but she didn’t stop. She covered his face with kisses. He felt her soft lips on his cheeks, eyelids, and jaw until she decided to move to his neck.

“I need more,” Bucky whimpered as she kept kissing.

“Tell me what you need.” Her hands were moving on his chest, fueling his hunger.

“More. More of everything.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but it had been such a long time since he was touched like this. He was craving for more, it didn’t matter what. “Just… touch me.”

Her fingers grazed over his nipples, making their way down as she opened up a bit more.

“What if I…” She gently wrapped her hands around his cock. “did this?”

“Ohgodyes.”

Bunny slowly moved her hand with a smile on her face. “What about this?”

He choked on his words, just letting out an unintelligible sound.

“You like that, don’t you?” He managed to nod as she kept moving her hand up and down. Before he could even realize it, she moved all the way back. When she removed her hand from his hard cock, he wanted to protest, but the moment he looked down, the sight of Bunny between his legs welcomed him.

She didn’t say a word, just looked into his eyes before lowering herself and taking the tip of his cock into her mouth.

“Oh, fuck!” His head fell back onto the mattress.

Her tongue swirled around the tip, grazing over the sensitive spot. Her wet mouth and her hot tongue were driving him crazy already. He could feel the pleasure bottling up.

“Bunny…” He hardly managed to say it out loud. She didn’t stop, just looked up to see his pretty face. “Baby, you gotta stop, please.” The words came out as if he was in agony. She had no choice but to release his cock.

“Am I hurting you?” Her wrinkled brows were enough for him to understand how truly concerned she was.

“No, no, no. God, no.” He quickly tried to explain. “I just… don’t wanna come inside your mouth. Not this time. It has been a long time. Very long. I just wanna feel you come around my cock as I come. Is that okay?”

The relief on her face turned into a smile. “It’s more than okay.”

“I don’t have a condom with me though.”

“I’m clean and on pills.” He knew what that meant and the question she wasn’t vocalizing.

“I’m clean, too, according to the regular SHIELD check-ups.”

“Great.” She bit her bottom lips as she moved closer to him. “So what now?”

Once again, Bucky wrapped his hands around her and rolled her over.

“This is turning into a habit, Sarge.”

“You have any complaints?” His playful tone put another smile on her face.

“Nope, not yet.”

“Not yet? Hmm…” He didn’t say anything else, just grabbed his cock and looked back at her to see if she changed her mind, but instead, she was staring at him with wide eyes and parted lips.

Bucky rubbed the head of his cock between her folds and her slick arousal started to cover it. After a couple more rubs, he finally pushed himself inside. It took only one swift thrust and he was all in.

“Fuck, baby.” He gasped at the sensation as his head fell down on her shoulder. It was so overwhelming to feel surrounded by her wetness and warmth. So intense. “You feel so good, my god.”

When he pulled back to look at her, Bunny’s hand went to his face. She pushed a strand of hair that fell on his forehead.

“Are you okay?” The question came after standing still for a while.

“I’m good, don’t worry about me.” Bunny’s dismissive answer didn’t sit right with him.

“You are my main concern, all the time, okay? Tell me how does this feel?” His voice was so soft and caring, she didn’t even realize she was tearing up. “Please, tell me I’m not hurting you.”

“You are not.” She quickly wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. “Nobody ever asked me that. That’s all.”

Bucky cupped her cheek with his flesh hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Her bittersweet smile made him want to kill every single man who recklessly hurt her.

“Just tell me to stop if you don’t want something, okay, doll? That’s all I am asking from you.”

“I will try.” She gulped down. “It’s gonna be hard, but I will try.”

“Maybe we should stop.” He didn’t wanna push her to do something she wasn’t comfortable.

“No, no. It’s my problem. Sometimes… I have a hard time vocalizing what I want or don’t want.”

“Do you want this?” Bunny eagerly nodded. “I need you to use your words.”

“I want this, Bucky. Please move.”

He slowly and carefully started to move. “How is this pace?”

“It’s good. Very good.” Her words made it clear that she was enjoying it, but the way she said them… moved something inside him. It was full of need.

He couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and starting to kiss her as he kept moving. Quickly, it became really messy. Lips crashing, tongues dancing, hands moving all over… In the blinking of an eye, she was on top of him, desperately moving her hips against him. It didn’t take her long to shutter. Watching her orgasm so up close was something else. The blissful expression on her face, her open mouth, and the way she was moaning mindlessly stunned him.

“God, you are so beautiful.” His thumb moved from her cheek to her bottom lip. He closed the distance and gave her a hungry kiss. His tongue brushed against hers, making her moan again. “I don’t think I can hold back more.”

“I don’t remember asking you to hold back.”

Bucky tilted his head while pursing his lips. “True, but you didn’t have to.”

Bunny started to rock her hips again as she talked. “Please, stop holding back. Stop being so careful. I’m not made of glass.”

“I know that.” The way she was moving made it hard for him to speak. “God, tell me, what position do you want next?”

She didn’t say anything. Instead, she moved away from him and lay down on her back on the edge of the bed. Bucky silently followed her, and in a second, he was back inside her as she pulled her knees back to her chest.

“Does this feel good?”

“Yes.” She seemed pretty content. “Just put some pressure on my legs.” As soon as he did that and started to move, they both felt the difference. It felt like she was much tighter than before and he was touching all the right places.

“Oh, fuck.” Bucky growled. It was much harder to hold back.

“Faster, Bucky, please.” She pleaded, already feeling drunk on pleasure. As he fulfilled her request, her moans became erratic. “Yes, yes, yes!”

“God, I’m so deep inside you.”

“It feels so good. Please… Please, baby, faster.” Her words encouraged him to finally take what he wanted. He started to pound into her. Long yet fast thrusts started to consume her. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, Bucky, Bucky…” She gripped the sheets, trying to keep her eyes open.

“God, look at you.” He couldn’t take his eyes off her. “My pretty girl, look at yourself. Taking me so deep.”

“Oh, fuck, fuck Bucky!” She took a deep breath. “You are gonna make me come again!”

His response was a loud groan, finally feeling free to come himself.

“Yes, let yourself go, yes.” He keeps talking between thrusts.

Bunny’s eyes roll back with pleasure, her legs trembling while she lets out a cry. He keeps fucking her through her orgasm, thrusting harder than before and allowing himself to follow her. Bucky let out the most broken cry she’s ever heard coming from his mouth as he started to come, but he didn’t stop. He kept on thrusting, ignoring the feeling of overstimulation until she was done coming.

He pulled himself out with a hiss, and neither of them said a word as they lay together. They feared they'd spoil such a blissful moment, knowing there was other stuff they needed to discuss. Bunny began to feel cold as their breathing returned to normal, so with a quick movement, she got under the duvet, keeping it open while looking directly at Bucky. She was silently offering to cover him as well, and he didn’t wait to comply. When he finally settled in, they were facing each other.

“Can we stay like this? Just for a while?”

“Of course, we can.” Bucky wanted nothing more than to just stay in the bed with he, in their own bubble. And they did for a couple of minutes, but little by little, reality slowly filtered back into their minds as the fog of their orgasms got lifted.

“Just so you know, just because we had sex, it doesn’t mean everything is perfect now. We have a lot to talk about that we haven't figured out, but I still want you to stay.”

“Believe me, I know, but we can figure it out together.” A smile spread across her face. That was all she wanted to hear.

“Sounds like a good plan.” Bucky moved his hand over her exposed arm. It was a thoughtless movement, but his touch helped her relax. After a couple more strokes, Bucky felt some kind of patterned bump on her skin, and as he explored it, he instantly recognized it.

“Is that…” His question remained unfinished because he already knew the answer.

“A property tattoo.”

“Property of HYDRA?” The words came out like he couldn’t believe it.

Bunny squirmed uncomfortably. It was never an easy topic for her, but there was no way out of this conversation. Maybe it would be better to talk about it now. Like pulling a band-aid off.

“Do you remember when I said maybe I can tell you how I can be so sure about you one day?” Bucky nodded, remembering what she said when she first saw his face. “I guess that day is today.”

“I think I already know what you are about to say.” It was clear. Bunny was the property of HYDRA for god knows how long and somehow she managed to get out of it. “Look, we don’t have to talk about it now if it makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“I know that, but I want to explain anyway.” Bucky narrowed his eyes. “And it’s never easy to talk about this. So…” Her voice was trembling as she was talking.

“I’m ready to listen, whenever you want.”

Bunny took a deep breath, trying to brace herself. “I was captured by HYDRA when I was young.” The sentence came out as a whole like she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to finish it if she didn’t hurry up. “I was forced to be a part of their human trafficking network… satisfy clients to bring more money or please the higher-ups so I can stay alive. It went on like this for years until one day… I was in the right place at the right time.” She rubbed her face, trying to focus on her words instead of the lump in her throat so she could continue. “That day, SHIELD was attempting to capture some higher-ups and… I happened to be there just because someone requested my presence. Can you believe that? That was all. I was lucky enough to get saved by Nick Fury.”

“And you wanted to help the ones who weren’t lucky enough.” Bucky finally started to put the puzzle pieces together. He couldn’t believe she also suffered at the hands of HYDRA, already feeling guilty that he couldn’t be the one to help her.

“Yes. Director Fury helped me. He even gave me my name, Elvisa. Do you know what it means?” Bucky shook his head. “It means safe.”

“Because you were finally safe.” Bucky felt the weight of the word as he was speaking. This time, Bunny shook her head in agreement. That name meant a lot to her.

“I am so sorry, doll. So sorry I didn’t notice why this case was so important to you. Why you said you can’t always express what you want during sex.” He felt like shit because finally, her harsh reaction at the SHIELD headquarters was making sense. He wondered how many people in her life thought she was just faking stuff.

“How could you even know, Bucky? You have nothing to apologize for. You did nothing wrong.” Her eyes were watery, but she did not cry. All this time, whenever she talked about this, tears would fall down, and she had no intention to let that happen again. She wanted to stay strong. She wanted to prove to herself that she was healing.

“I wish I could-” Bunny already knew what he was about to say and she didn’t let him finish.

“No, there was nothing you could do to save me earlier. Even if our paths crossed, you were a captive yourself, remember?” Focusing on Bucky was helping her to surpass all the emotions she was feeling.

“Sometimes I think I just could’ve done more… Maybe I could’ve save myself and others… Others like you.” He sounded so broken, and Bunny couldn’t take it. She grabbed his face and forced him to look into her eyes.

“Stop torturing yourself with maybes and what-ifs.” Her voice came out harsher than she intended, so she tried to soften it as she went on. “What’s done is done. We can’t change the past, but we can shape our future.” Bucky nodded, still looking emotional. He knew that, but he couldn’t help but think about how different thing would have been if he could have just broken free. If he’d been strong enough… Bunny noticed he was getting lost in his thoughts and tried to get his attention. “Just focus on the present and the future, okay?

“It’s not that easy.” Bucky finally found his words to answer her.

“Believe me, I know, but we have to try. Just stop for a second and think about what you want your future to be like. Try to imagine how different things can be.” Bucky didn’t know how to keep his focus on the future. He’d been living day by day for so long, not daring to think about what the future might bring because a part of him was afraid that the moment he started to think about it, the moment he let himself hope for a future, everything would go down in flames.

“I- I don’t know.” He sounded completely lost.

“Just one thing. Tell me one thing you want in your future. That’s enough for now.” She tried to simplify it as much as possible. “That should be enough to keep your focus on the future.”

After thinking for a second, Bucky finally came up with a response.

“I want to have you in my future.” He wasn’t sure if he was crossing a line or not, but he didn’t feel like keeping that thought to himself. “Is that okay?”

A warm smile spread across her face. “I think we might be able to arrange that.”

***

In the middle of a boring day at work, Bucky found himself at a co-worker's birthday party after doing a lot of boring paperwork. He would rather be at home, cuddling his favorite girl, but they compromised on stopping by the party first and then cuddling at home. Normally, nobody could persuade him to socialize like this, especially since he had much better options, but Bunny was another story.

Not only that, but this time Bucky actually knew whose birthday it was, and instead of hiding in the corner, he was chilling on the big couch, with his arms around Bunny’s upper body. She was restin her head on his shoulder while talking to another agent. Although he didn't know her name, he saw her talking to Bunny numerous times. His assumption was that they were in friendly terms with each other.

Since their conversation was about a minor work misunderstanding, he didn't pay too much attention. Besides, his focus was slowly drifting toward Bunny's warmth more and more, just thinking about all the things he could be doing if they were at home. They both agreed on keeping a civil level of PDA at events like this, meaning there would be no doubt that they were a couple, but nothing inappropriate.

Bucky wasn't sure when their relationship had become public knowledge in SHIELD, but they were able to express affection for each other gradually. It wasn’t like they were ever trying to completely hide their closeness. They just tried to keep it as lowkey as possible. But it was a hard task since Bucky grabbed her arm after that meeting. People were nosy and wanted to know what happened between them, but somehow Bunny managed to dodge their questions. Bucky’s experience was much different than hers. Except for Natasha and Sam, he couldn't recall any particular moment when he was asked about his relationship with Bunny. Not that he would ever call her Bunny around co-workers. That was a private nickname. She was Agent Elvisa and he was Sergeant Barnes whenever they were at work.

I guess they put two and two together, he thought, not knowing that most of the people were actually afraid to ask him a personal question like this.

“Can I ask you something?” Bucky's attention was caught by her wary tone.

“Of course.” Bunny raised her head, but didn't move away from his touch. His arms were still around her body.

“I don’t think you’ve ever told the story about how you two actually met.” God, she must be really curious since she is asking this nervous as fuck, Bucky thought.

They both knew it was only a matter of time before people started to ask about their relationship and how it all started openly. Everybody knew they had two different divisions. It wasn’t likely for them to work together for an extended period of time or see each other regularly. That was why they came up with an acceptable version of their story. Not a lie, but not the complete truth, either. Just something that gets people off their backs.

“Oh, that was Natasha’s doing.”

“Really? I didn’t think Natasha Romanoff would be a cupid.” She was genuinely surprised.

“Oh, you have no idea how nosy Romanoff can be.” Bucky couldn’t help but comment for the first time. As he spoke, the girl's eyes moved towards him in surprise.

“She is only nosy when it comes to her friends, and I guess she just had a feeling about us.” Bunny quickly explained in a cute tone.

Her words made Bucky look into her eyes. They didn’t know if it was just a feeling or if she was just simply bored, but they were grateful nonetheless.

taglist (I tried to tag everyone who showed interest in chapter two. If you would rather not be included please let me know.)

@geminiflanagansblog @sadg1rlsei @lia-winther @nanikio @barnesboo1967 @chinaza444 @kaitlin013106 @ryanmxrie @steverogers-wife @weaselbeedisneygeek @tilltheendofthelinepal9950 @happyxdayxbitch @marvelogic @wintasssoldier @buckybarnessimpp @marvelsbitchh @alright-i-guesss @almosttoopizza @rabbitrabbit12321 @cookielovesbook-akie @whalien52bbgrl @cjand10 @scifinerd1818 @dellalyra @capswife @netherqueen23 @beware-my-thorns @freegardenbanananeck @iamstevessmile @raven1234321 @divadinag @noisesinthedark @amanda-says @ozwriterchick @sleyeveryday @arsonfrogger @lfaewrites @alana4610 @splendidreads @acatwriteshere @weirdothatwritess @spider-boyy @shelbygeek @doublevirgogirl @tarotwitchy-main @r02eg0ld @raelorns21 @amberpanda99

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sarahsartistportfolio · 7 months

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More self indulgence Genshin impact. I'm going start backing up my Genshin writing on AO3 because I'm really enjoying this lol and want to make more. Please be kind to me, I'm not a "fanfic writer" I'm just sharing this because I find it fun.

Brief synopsis of what this is: Mine/your first meeting with the Fontaine siblings. I just straight up include my name here so if you're also a Sarah you'll get extra enjoyment from this. Lyney suffering from love at first sight lol. A really cute paragraph of Freminet. In my little sagau fantasy this takes place after the game has ended, so just assume Lumine and Aether are reunited and everything major is resolved. OH! And female reader and no smut here, just Lyney being infatuated with you.❤

Sorry I feel like I'm talking too much, I'm new to this🙇‍♀️

love Love LOVE the idea of sagau Lyney...being being like a little nervous/awkward around you God the same could go for Heizou

But love the idea of cool, suave, a bit aloof Lyney stumbling over his words and cheeks dusting pink as soon as he sees you the new goddess of Tayvet. Just love the picture of Lyney getting all shy and nervous around you cause he's so taken aback by your beauty and kindness.

Ok so like picture this. You've been the goddess of Teyvat for like weeks now. You've already visited most of your favorites from Mondstadt, Liyue, Sumeru. So you're like "Furina I wanna visit Fontaine next" and she's super excited, starts planing out your entire schedule for your days there. And you say "I wanna see one of Lyney's famous magic shows :)" and she's like "Of course of course right after we see the trial of a double homicide we'll do that."

But like you would think its a bit rude to just show up to his show without introducing yourself first. So you send Lyney and his siblings a letter telling them in week you'll be in Fontaine seeing one of their shows and that you're going arrive early so you can introduce yourself before the show starts.

(I just love the mental image of the three siblings huddled around each other as Lyney reads off the letter whose sender is the goddess herself.)

So um next scene right. Lyney is fidgeting with putting his gloves on, his right hand a little shaky and his eyes obviously lost in thought. "Nervous?" his sister's voice startles him from his deep thoughts. "I haven't seen you this nervous before a show in many years. Its because she's going be in the audience isn't it?" Lynette bluntly points out. Lyney swiftly tries to regain his usual demur as he smoothly pulls the glove on his hand. "Of course not, I'm more concerned about Lady Furina. You know what happened the last time she was at one of our shows." And after Lynette drops the topic Lyney is low key wondering if he should double check his props, least he make a fool of himself in front of you.

As the minutes tic by you arrive early as promised. You insist Furina doesn't follow you backstage to greet the siblings with you, she dramatically sighs and tells you not to take too long.

And as your eyes meet the three siblings(as you insisted Freminet be there too) they immediately take a low bow before you. Your eyes bright and smile beaming at seeing them together for the first time.

"Its an honor to have you in attendance this evening ma dame" Lyney gracefully speaks first.

"There's no need to be so formal with me. Please call me Sarah." The smile on your face never leaving for a second as your eyes quickly bounce between Lyney and Lynette before saying "Wow you two really do look alike."

You don't forget about Freminet. Turning to him and patting his head gently. Causing poor little shy Freminet to lose his voice. "Ah I have a small gift for you Freminet." you tell him as you pull out a small gift box for the boy. "Open it." And as his shaky hands do its revealed to be a small doll automata. "You like it?" you smile back at him. But Freminet's heart is racing too quickly for him to process what is happening. He glances down at the doll then back at you and repeats this movement again and again. He can not comprehend how he was just handed a personalized gift from the goddess herself, let alone she just touched his head. His cheeks a bright red, he nods, keeping his gaze to the floor. "I'm glad." you say sweetly as you pat his head once more. Freminet continues to gaze at the doll as if he was just gifted a holy relic.

You greet Lynette with a short hug, arms around her shoulders. She doesn't dare push you away and the faintest pink blush on her cheeks is quite endearing to see. "We have to get together for tea sometime." You tell her. "There's still so many tea flavors in Teyvat I haven't tried yet. Promise me you'll brew me your favorite." And with a shy nod she agrees.

As Lyney sees you embrace his sister he assumes(no hopes) you'll do the same with him. And he's not disappointed when you turn to him and wrap him in a brief hug. His hand hovers close to your waist but decides against touching out of respect. When you pull away, but faces still close he gets a clear image of your eyes and oh wow he can see stars in them. Swirling colors of blues and violets mixing together he finds himself staring a little too long. You giggle. "Photos can't do you justice Lyney you're even more handsome in person." Lyney's eyes sparkle at your unexpected compliment, his heart skipping a beat. "Oh on the contrary mon cheri, I could have never have guessed such a stunning beauty was behind your letter." Lyney smoothly retorts, making you bashfully giggle again. And he wonders how many more times he can pull that reaction from you. Your conversation remains short but full of excitement. Lyney's eyes remain shamelessly transfixed on you.

You give the three one last sweet smile and a little wave goodbye before you turn to return to Furina, who is giving you the saddest puppy eyes saying "That took way too long."

Lynette, with her eyes in a rare soft daze looks at her hands before muttering "...She's nice." Lyney's gaze follows you as you descend the main stage back to an disappointed Furina. His heart racing from just this short interaction with you. If he had any doubts about the divine they were certainty gone by your kind presence. He becomes determined to learn more about you. A slight pink dusts his pale skin and his eyes remain locked on you as he speaks "When Sarah and Furina come backstage after the show we should invite them out to a meal with us."

Lynette's focus is now back on her brother. "What? Why would they do that?"

A mischievous glint shines in Lyney's eyes before he opens up his left palm to reveal a pearl earring.

Ah Lynette shouldn't expect any less of small trickery from her brother. She sighs "That was a bit unnecessary don't you think." And Lyney just laughs proud of himself.

At the end of the show when you and Furina are about to leave the opera house, of course you notice your beloved earring is missing. Furina dramatically gasps "Do you want me to order the staff to turn this whole place upside down for you your Grace?" "No no." You reassure her. "Let's just retrace our steps."

And you're very grateful when Lyney hands the earring back to you claiming to have spotted it on the ground after you walked away. His attention completely on you as soon as you came into view. "Thank you again Lyney, I'll try to see you again later this-"

"Would you like to join us for dinner tonight Sarah?" Lyney confidently asks without missing a beat. "To show our gratitude for attending our show."

Your gaze shifts to Lynette who shows no disagreement to her brother's proposal.

You agree and the four of you(as Furina refuses to leave your side until your head hits the pillow tonight) have a lavish five course meal at one of the most expensive cafes in the city. You try to spread your attention over the three of them equally, even encouraging Lynette to chime in as to not leave her out of the conversation. And as Furina dominates the conversation again you cant help but feel a set of eyes on you. In fact you've been feeling them on you all night. Its Lyney who not so sneakily can't help but be transfixed on you even when you're not the one speaking. Eyes soft and almost coy smile half hidden by him leaning on his hand.

As you mention you plan on spending time with Neuvillette, Lyney is secretly plotting on how to steal you away.

Hmm wonder what happens next...

#genshin sagau #genshin impact lyney #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfic #sagau #sagau x reader #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #genshin impact reader insert #genshin lyney #genshin impact fontaine #lyney and lynette #genshin impact freminet #female reader #genshin x you #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin impact x reader

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beforeimdeceased · 9 months

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…ELECTRIC LADY 💋📺🚬

pairing: 70s!ellie x reader

synopsis: she’s still as sweet as she used to be.

author’s note: this. is. so much! fun! to write! i love the vibes i love my moodboard i love it i love i love it!

part one. > part two. > part three.

⋆˚✿˖°

“the hell are you reading?” ellie grabs her bottle of soda pop from her cup holder and takes a sip. “sounds like somebody’s diary.”

“shut up! let me finish.” you furrow your brows, annoyed that she interrupted. “okay where was i? oh! ‘janice was caught sleeping with the mayors son, her hair had confirmed everyone’s suspicions’.” you recite the paragraph with joy.

“man i’ll be glad when we get to the hotel.”

several gas stations, tape changes, and gossip filled books later, you’d arrived at your first destination. just off the highway and a couple sharp lefts was all night inn. ellie carried your bags like a gentlewoman while you admired the establishments neon lights and angel sculptures.

“this isn’t too bad.” you say, opening the door. ellie drops the bags and pulls her lit cigarette from her lips. “always the best for you sugar.”

you roll your eyes before kicking your shoes off. “i’m gonna take a shower grump. why don’t you see if you can unbend your back after all those hours of driving.”

“oh, you’re so damn funny.” she sends you off.

the water is perfect, soothing your sweat ridden sticky skin. hands catching pools of it to throw over your face. you play in it before lathering up your soap in a towel to spread over your body. you hum softly, finding peace and solace in the moment.

when you leave the tub to find a towel, you smile seeing a heart drawn in the steam on the bathroom mirror.

⋆˚✿˖° 3 years prior

“fuck you’re gonna get me in trouble. shit, i wouldn’t even care.” ellie places a hand over your mouth. you were currently taking her harsh fingers in the back of her car. lips alternating between sloppy kisses on your neck and wrapping around the bud of your nipple. you were so close now, tears spilling from your eyes.

“cmon doll, i wanna taste.” she hums against your ear lobe. your eyes travel upward as you let out one satisfactory moan. chest heaving up and down as you catch your breath. ellie wasted no time bringing her messy fingers to her mouth. sticking them in and clearing them with one clean swipe.

“better than any meal you ever made me in that shithole diner.” she teases. you give her arm a punch and she rubs it before leaning in for a kiss.

⋆˚✿˖°

“if you can’t sleep you just wake me up okay? i’ll stay up with you, we’re in no rush. can rest here as long as we need too. bosses card.”

you’d both washed up and we’re now snuggled into the hotels queen sized bed together. her arms wrapped around your waist, fingertips grazing your ass while you snuggled into her chest.

the clock read 10:45pm.

and then the clock read 9:37am. how fast did you fall asleep?

“morning sunshine.” ellie kisses your forehead the second your eyes flutter open. she’d been waiting to do that for thirty minutes.

“i’ve been waiting to do that for thirty minutes.” she runs the bud of her thumb over your cheek. “you’re so cute.”

“i’m gonna bite you if you don’t feed me.” you smile. you wanted it to come out meaner, but her touch was weakening you. it had always been difficult to fight. that love that she so graciously gave you. the promise that it was yours and only yours. the colder nights in her arms wrapped up in her jacket, slow dancing to the jazz on the radio.

“let’s go get some waffles baby.” she grabs your sides and squeezes, earning a screeched laugh from you.

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403tarot · 4 months

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KPOP TAROT READING GAME 🎀

hello guys ! i reached 1K followers 🥳 i'm very happy because when i started this account a year ago, i never imagined that so many people would be interested in my work. as promised, to celebrate, i will do the game you chose through this poll: a paragraph telling how'd be your romantic relationship or friendship with an idol of your choice.

WHAT YOU'LL GET FROM ME:

a paragraph (about 8~15 lines) of how would be the dynamic chosen between you and your idol based in at least 3 tarot cards + 1 romantic oracle card

it'll be a summary, so if you're expecting a huge reading and perfect detailed things this is not for you (but i'll try my best tho)

i'll answer it on private, I won't post your infos!! my answer will appear on your ask.

LET'S GO TO THE RULES:

you should be following me

like my pinned

it's a romantic relationship OR friendship dynamic so you need to choose one, don't send both or it'll be deleted

tbh if you fail fitting any criteria it'll be deleted lol

romantic relationship available only for people of legal age

only one ask per person

send: your first name, your date of birth, the name of the idol you chose and a picture of them on my ask. you can follow the examples bellow:

i'll respond the first 43 asks so when it reaches the limit i'll update this post and close the game <3 i'll try to answer all of the 43 asks until the end of january! i have duties and work to do out of tumblr so if you can't wait or doesn't know how to be patient pls don't join!

CURRENTLY ASKS: 43/43 - CLOSED !

#— duckie notes ⪩♡⪨#tarot reading game #kpop reading #kpop tarot #free tarot #kpop astrology #ateez #stray kids #seventeen #bts #riize

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ultraviolethypno · 3 months

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ILITHID/MINDFLAYER ENCOUNTER

CW: EYE STRAIN, SPIRAL

CONTENT OF SCENE, READ BEFORE DROPPING: in the readmore, you will be made to read my words as narration, believing everything i write is happening to you. you will feel a tall, dark, standard-fare DnD ilithid/mindflayer is now in your room. you will be commanded to undress and pledge your fealty to it. it will begin feeling you up with its tentacle hands and kissing you with multiple tongues in its lamprey mouth. this will go on for about 10 minutes, or until you say the word Stop. after that, it will command you to DM me, telling me how much you loved this experience. you will then be commanded to like and reblog the post encouraging everyone to try it, before being taken back up, free of trance, feeling nice and satisfied.

as promised, happy dropping! begin the induction ONLY when you are by yourself in a safe environment. click the readmore when you're sufficiently under to continue!

good, very good! so good of you to want more.

fall deeper, and deeper, back to the trance you love and accept, that loves and accepts you, that guides and controls you...

happy and fuzzy and blank and ready to obey me...

letting my words circle you, guide and control you, letting you feel good and deep and blank all over

you see the spiral as you read my words. they merge, one hiding behind the other, becoming inseparable, one and the same...

letting each sentence hit you like a wave, pulling you into the ocean that is your trance, no fear, no worries, no doubts, no thoughts. deeper, and deeper, and deeper still. all the way down to the bottom, letting your empty head fill with my words, with my spiral, with my control bouncing off every piece of your mind

feeling my words change you, feeling me narrate you, feeling and doing and thinking everything i say you do...

you notice, sitting here, blankly following along to my narration, that something has changed. without looking away from my words, you notice there is something behind you that was not there before. you almost feel this... this wave of presence ebb and flow behind you. it feels like the spiral. it feels like my words. it feels good.

a wordless voice echoes in your mind: stand up. do not turn around.

a wordless voice echoes in your mind: undress.

a wordless voice echoes in your mind: hold still.

a wordless voice echoes in your mind: pledge your loyalty.

the second your pledge leaves your lips, you feel a shockwave of pleasure hit your entire body all at once. you remain upright, still staring, still reading, still obeying.

a wordless voice echoes in your mind: you are mine, now.

tentacles, warm and slimy, come up against your body. they brush up in your sweet spots, the perfect places, it's like they know every inch of you inside and out.

as the presence's mouth comes down just a little bit over your head, your mind is suddenly awash with the feeling of being tongue kissed. dumbstruck, horny, brainwashed, your mouth opens to reciprocate an embrace that is simply not there. tongues dance and entwine, kissing, sucking, tasting. the presence behind feels you up alongside its tentacles. reread this paragraph over and over and feel it stronger and stronger until ten minutes have passed, or until you believe it's become too much to bear. in that case, say the word Stop, and it will do so.

now, the presence guides you back to where you were sitting/lying down, makes you nice and comfortable, and gives you its last commands.

1: reblog and like this post right now. this will spread the word of the illithid and let its influence grow.

2: send the author of this post a single DM telling them just how much you loved this. how much you loved being under its control, how real this felt, how GOOD it being real felt. you will feel a burst of satisfaction and pleasure depending on how long your DM was.

3: yourself relaxing as the ilithid presence fades away, taking you out of trance, freeing you from my control, waking you up completely. you understand that the ilithid enjoyed its time with you, and wishes you well as it leaves.

finally, you are fully awake! feeling good? feeling like yourself? let me know if your waking self enjoyed it just as much as your tranced self with a DM! or not. i'm a tumblr post, not your boss!

pleasure taking you under. have a great day!

#brainwashing #hypnosis #hypnokink #hypnotized #mind control #spiral #flash warning #uv's visuals

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3minsover · 9 months

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AUgust Day 28:

loose 27 dresses au - perpetually single steve has been a groomsman more times than he can remember. school friends, college pals, colleagues, family members, they all want him. after having attended 3 weddings in a day, watching couple after couple profess their everlasting love for each other, steve decides to head to a bar, and get DRUNK.

there, he meets eddie: charming, sexy, quick-witted and more than a match as a drinking companion. the night passes in shades of beer, whisky and tequila, and as they talk, steve shares his honestly ridiculous wedding stats. eddie is fascinated, encourages steve to talk more, to send him photos of each wedding he’s been part of this year; steve thinks he’s met the One.

over the next few weeks, they date, and steve feels himself falling, finally. until an article pops up in his favorite magazine, written by a columnist that had usually, until now, remained anonymous. it’s simply titled:

Always the Groomsman, Never the Groom: Are Some People Just Not Meant For a Happy Ending?

written by eddie munson.

steve manages to read the first paragraph before he starts feeling sick. he can’t believe that eddie, sweet, lovely, kind eddie, could have used him like this, could have published it. steve feels himself blushing furiously as he stashes the magazine in his bag and heads straight for eddie’s apartment. he paces outside for a full minute before knocking, and then holds up the page in the magazine accusatorially. eddie greets him with a broad smile at first, which dissolves when he spots steve’s tear stained cheeks and distraught expression.

“why would you write this?” steve demands, failing to keep his voice from shaking. eddie’s brow furrows.

“what- what do you mean?”

“not meant for a happy ending?” steve quotes, throat thick. it’s embarrassing to even say the words aloud, let alone to the person who wrote them, about him. steve’s grip on the magazine trembles as he clutches at his nerve.

“steve,” eddie starts slowly. he swallows hard. “steve, did you read the whole thing?”

“don’t think i needed to, did i? i think it was perfectly clear what you were getting at.” steve stares at the floor between their feet, betrayed, heartbroken, lost.

eddie carefully takes the magazine from him and begins to speak, eyes flicking up nervously every couple seconds.

“so no, i don’t think everyone is meant to have a happy ending. but i do think everyone deserves one. and no one as much as steve. i just hope, and maybe it’s a wild dream to have, but i hope i can be the one to give him that.” eddie winces a little as he looks up once more, meeting steve’s watery gaze. “i should have told you i was writing that story. i’m sorry.”

steve snatches the magazine back, hardly daring to believe eddie’s words unless he sees them printed in black and white.

and there they are.

“i thought you were- i thought i- oh my god.” steve tips forward, gripping the magazine in one hand and the front of eddie’s shirt in the other. “did you mean it?” eddie smiles softly, cupping steve’s cheeks in both palms.

“course i did, stevie. you deserve it. and i wanna be the one to give it to you, if you’ll have me.”

steve can’t prevent the giddy chuckle that escapes his throat. all the heartbreak is but a memory, fading into insignificance against the brilliant light of his happy ending, growing brighter by the second.

“promise you won’t write anything else about me without my knowledge?” he asks, arching one brow. eddie guides steve’s face closer to his own, until their lips are almost brushing.

“i promise. with one exception, yknow, once we’re at that point. i’m gonna keep my vows a secret.”

and that’s an exception steve is more than happy to make.

#steddie #steddie au #au august #3minsover #twitter crosspost

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puckleberryfinnie · 5 months

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covey!reader in the quarter quell (introduction)

ok so because of the amount of likes I got on the post where I shared my idea for a fanfic (thank you so much to each and every one of you), I decided to write my first ever fanfic based on it!! this is just a little introduction to your character and the story that goes with it- I promise I have more in store if you guys want it, like reader meeting everyone. I’m sorry that this isn’t very good, I’ll hopefully improve with more practice <3

summary: an introduction to covey!reader’s story and your time in the 73rd Hunger Games and her reaping into the Quarter Quell

(based on my idea from this post: click me!)

warnings: fem!reader, killing, drowning, basically just me yapping for a bunch of paragraphs!! also this is pretty short lol

Nothing could’ve prepared you for getting your name called as the female tribute of District 11.

You only had minor guidance through the stories that had been told in your district. Passed from parent to kid, and so on, what the capital had tried so hard to erase was still present among the people of the lower districts. The Covey knew more than anyone. Your grandparent had been part of the group when Lucy Gray disappeared, you knew that much. They travelled, escaping the wrath and second-hand anger of Snow after he came into power.

They landed in District 11, growing small farms with even smaller houses. The Covey wasn't what it used to be, more quiet, adapting to a life of agriculture, still humming their ways through their work. You’d do anything for them, though. They were your family. So when your name was called, you knew you’d do what you could to survive for them. They needed you- and you needed them.

The whole experience was a blur. Getting paraded around was one thing. And you were used to the attention, being a performer and all. You sang. You sang every chance you could get- that was your leading attribute and you were going to spend your last days alive doing what you loved most. Caesar just ate it up, too. Your interview infront of the capital was no interview, but a last concert from you to the crowd, a sending-off to your death.

But this wasn’t your last performance. Your voice had more songs to sing, more stories to unfold. You miraculously made it out alive- thankfully without a single kill under your belt from the experience. You hid, others killed. And when it was down to the final two, you survived the final event: a storm in the arena strong enough to wash away any sign of living within it. The other tribute (a boy from district two) was not so lucky, drowning in a moment of panic.

The non-killer image made you very popular in the capital after you stepped out of the arena. Your victory tour was filled with victory songs at each stop, spreading a message of positivity for the districts. Everyone seemed to be appeased by your performance- even Snow.

You didn’t watch the games the next year. Any mention of the games left an uncomfortable taste in your mouth and feeling you couldn’t seem to shake. This feeling only grew with the announcement of the Quarter Quell. You’d only just left the games, and now you would be led back into them?

Even with the other female winners in your district, you still felt uneasy about it. Not a single one of you should have to go through this again. You said your second goodbyes, this time with less hope of return. Everyone in the Covey cried (even the older boys who tried so hard to act tough).

The walk to the selection stage was silent- no one dared to say a word.

A piece of paper was plucked from the container

“And the female tribute from District 11 for the 75th Hunger Games is…”

It was slowly unfolded

“Y/N L/N.”

uh oh!! that’s not good!! I wonder what happens next!! seriously though thank you so much for reading through all of this, I know it’s kind of just me yapping the whole time- feel free to let me know what you think in the comments! if anyone wants a part two, let me know (I’ll also create a tag list if people want it <33)

Im planning on doing everything leading up to everyone actually entering the arena for the next part (like the training, the ability tests, the interviews), so let me know what you guys want to see!!

I’m also not really sure if I want to have the reader shipped with- I’m leading towards johanna but I’m open to suggestions <33

love ya!!

#tbosas #the hunger games #quarter quell #finnick x reader #finnick odair #johanna mason x reader #johanna mason #the covey #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #lucy gray baird #guys I hate the way I write it’s so bad #I hope yall at least kinda like it tho #love you guys

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 12 days

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rain and mint tea and rambles

Hi maggots. It's me, thinking thoughts, again. I do that far too often.

Monsoon has begun, I do believe. The stupefying heat wave broke to let water crash onto the soil, out of which puffs the scent of petrichor. Ever so often the heat builds in the day, but yields to a thunderstorm come nightfall. Perhaps it'll only last a few weeks, but I'm so glad anyway.

I made a mug of mint tea. By which I mean I dropped a teabag into hot water, in one of the five mugs Lina bought me. I was so delighted last night when the heat slowly revealed the images of a whale emoji, a photo of me edited with Crowley's eyes, and fanart of me that said happy birthday, maggot prince with the Spotify code of a playlist you all added songs to. It's been days since my birthday, but I still keep finding bits of love that you sent my way.

I love the playlist. It's as chaotic as we are. There's Cavetown and ABBA and Queen, Bollywood dance music and sad songs and rap, Taylor Swift and a Rickroll and silly songs and Disney soundtracks.

Everything looks different in the rain. The leaves lose their dusty shroud, glittering emerald and lime and quivering in the damp breeze. The light is quieter, softer, grey. It smells of life. The sky swirls with clouds like Van Gogh tried to make art but ran out of paint, with only the greyish paintwater left.

I'm sorry about all the DMs and asks I haven't replied to yet. I swear it's not because I care. It's because I care too much, I care so much that sometimes it overwhelms me. Please don't stop sending me asks because of that, though. I promise I do read them, even if it takes a while for me to reply. You aren't bothering me. You could never. I love you too much. Be as crazy as you like. It's me.

Weirdly enough, as I wrote that paragraph, Nothing New by Phoebe Bridgers and Taylor Swift played. "Are we only biding time 'til I lose your attention? And someone else lights up the room? People love an ingenue." "How do I go from growing up to breaking down? And I wake up in the middle of the night, it's like I can feel time moving. How can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22? Will you still want me, when I'm nothing new?"

It's difficult to believe I'm 20 now. That shouldn't be allowed. It's such a weird age, isn't it, 20? It's so, so young, it's so new, it's so terrifyingly timid.

I swear I knew more at 14 than I do now. I swear so many of you know so much more than I do. I don't know anything at all, most days. I don't know who I am. But you do. Thank you for bringing out not the best of me, not the worst of me, but the realest of me.

I love you. I got into art school, by the way. Life is not going the way I expected it to. And the horrors persist, trapping me in my dreams, suffocating me the way a pillow never could. But then I wake up and I think about you, and that keeps me going.

Look at you, saving a guy, every single day. How insanely wonderful.

The rain has stilled. My brother will be pleased, he bought a ticket to go to a cricket match. I think I'll go for a drive with my mum and Roxie. She loves drives. She knows them as 'car byebyes'. She sits on my lap in the front seat and looks out the window, nose sniffing and getting excited whenever I say look, a bow-wow and a dog passes.

I'll scoot now. If this long letter landed up on your dash and messed it up, I really do apologise, I try not to tag these. If you read it this far, then wow, hi. I love you. If you skipped to the end, I love you. If you don't read this, I love you. I love you all, so much.

I hope you have the loveliest of days.

I'll see you soon, maggots of mine.

#unravelling rambles

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rinsuniverse · 10 months

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oh my gosh, thank you so much for all of the sweet woozi content, my heart is so full from reading your works. 🥺🥺 do you think you could write something about woozi missing you while on tour? like he enjoys touring, but his days are so busy and exhausting, and all he wants to do at the end of the day is collapse into bed beside you, but he can't. and maybe a bit about what you could do to try to alleviate his homesickness? thank you again for all your lovely writings!!

woozi missing you on tour! ✧˖°.

this is so cute, anon!

i imagine he'd be in his hotel bed, late after his concert

you promised to stay up so you can call because he said he wanted to update you afterwards

but he's currently dozing off

and you're sitting there on facetime

his phone is leaning against the lamp on his bedside table

and you can see his face in his pillow, his messy hair splayed across his head, covering his eyes

"are you sleeping?"

"mm, no, are you?" he answers, not opening his closed eyes

"i don't know, it looks like you're falling asleep. if you want to sleep, you can-"

"no, it's fine," he says, turning to look at you in the camera

"how was your first concert of the tour?"

"fun, just super exhausting"

"and you have to leave for the next city tomorrow?"

"yes, early in the morning," he groans, closing his eyes again

"you should get some sleep then, silly," you chuckle

"i don't want to, though," he says

"why?"

he says it under his breath, as if he's embarrassed to admit it

"i miss you..."

you chuckle, setting your phone to the side so you can relax and close your eyes, too

"i miss you, too."

his ears become red, but you can't tell since his pillow covers it

it's his first tour since dating you

and it's a weird feeling to have in his chest

different from the homesick feel he has when it comes to when he's missing his parents

and it makes him feel particularly weak in a way

a part of him wants to get up, go to the gym, and workout this feeling of homesickness away

but he decides that letting himself miss you and laying in bed with you on call also laying in your bed is close enough

close enough to being able to lay next to you and listen to your soft breaths as you fall asleep

he finds it comforting

having your presence with him

"talk to me," he says, sleepily

"about what?"

"about your day. about anything."

he wants to hear your voice

he wants you to let him lay his head on your lap as you play with his hair

he wants to pull you into a hug and never let you go

maybe he'll have to call someone so he can beg for you to come on tour with him next time

because he can't take it

but you talk to him

you ramble about your day and he hums in response

or he chuckles when you get frustrated talking about a time at work that pissed you off

he falls asleep with you on call

when he wakes up the next day, super groggily, trying to waddle around the hotel room before he has to check out for his next busy day, he sees you're still on call with him

and he smiles

he even debates just leaving you on call until you wake up or his phone dies

but he doesn't

he hangs up and texts you a simple good morning text

when it comes to you, you want to alleviate his homesickness so much!

when you wake up, you text him a good morning text

maybe even a good morning paragraph, cheering him on

when you go about doing simple things throughout the day, you make sure to take pictures

and send them to him

whether it be a picture of your shopping cart in the grocery store you frequent

or a goofy picture of yourself that you took sneakily at work

and he'll respond with "pff why'd you send that?"

but when he sees those pictures, he smiles so brightly

the members might even ask him why he's smiling goofily at his phone as he's getting his makeup done

and he glares at them when they ask

plus, maybe you left him surprise letters or cards in his suitcase for him to read when he goes through his belongings

you do simple things, too

like leave your phone's ringer on

so you're always a phone call or text away

if you're evil mischievous, you'll send him pictures of you cooking his favorite food

or of you sneaking into his studio alone

and he'll be like "wtf why"

and you're teasing him like "i can share if you get home quickly"

makes him miss you even more

when he gets home, he might go straight back to work in his studio

but you're already there, of course

you know he isn't going straight home

so when he gets to his studio, he looks at you with wide eyes

"yah, what are you doing here?"

"welcome home."

you get up and you hug him

it takes him a moment to realize, but he hugs you back, tighter than he ever has

"i missed you," he says quietly

"i missed you, too"

thank you so much for requesting, anon!!! this was a really cute concept. AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT <3 you're so welcome for all my posts! i'm so sorry that i took forever to reply, but here it is! i hope it's satisfactory! feel free to request many, many more things! ✧( ु•⌄• )◞◟( •⌄• ू )✧

(p.s. requests are still open! i specialize in woozi stuff, but i don't mind writing about other svt members! i can also do some nsfw if you want! so request whatever and as much as you want! ς(>‿<.))

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novantinuum · 15 days

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Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: Mature Audiences (For references to underage sex) Words: 2.8K~ Summary: It’s possible. The timing lines up. What Connie fears is one hundred percent possible. The problem is, a potential pregnancy this early into their relationship was absolutely not in their plans.

WOE, post canon Connverse pregnancy scare fic be upon ye.

This is honest to god the fastest I've ever written a fic of this length in my whole ass life- I thought of this idea literally last night and nailed it all out in like twelve straight hours. Just so y'all can make an informed decision on whether to read or sit out, this contains minimal description of actual sex beyond like one short paragraph- instead focusing in on the human fallout of poor teenage decision making.

Connie is 17 and already in college, and Steven is 19.

On a semi-related topic, Google absolutely believes I'm pregnant now after all the incessant research I did for this story, lmafo.

Enjoy! I'm putting basically all of this fic under a cut here due to its mature topic nature.

If you asked Steven what kind of conversation he expected when Connie called him out of the blue at one AM in the morning, one where she’s hysterical and halfway to hyperventilating definitely wouldn’t have been at the top of his list.

“Woah, woah—” he stresses, passing the phone to his other ear so he can pick on up what she’s saying better. “Just— slow down, okay? Start from the beginning. What’s happened?”

“It’s been three days, Steven!” she says, voice hitching upon his name. “I know my cycle, okay?? I’ve been tracking my cycle ever since I started menstruating, and it’s supposed to be like goddamn clockwork! It’s never been late like this. Never!”

“And you’re, uh— you’re absolutely sure there’s nothing else that could be interfering-??”

“Of course I’m fucking sure!” she hollers, making the small speaker bar on his phone vibrate against the side of his head.

He winces, already regretting his poor choice of words with her.

“Okay, okay, I— I shouldn’t have pressed about that. I’m sorry. Just—” he sucks in a deep breath of air, doing his absolute beat not to delve down the dangerous implication filled rabbit hole this early on, when tensions are high and accurate information is sorely limited— “what do you need right now? What can I do to help?”

“I need you here,” she warbles, her hysteria finally pushing over the brim and transforming into a heartbreaking bounty of distraught cries. “With me—!”

He clamps down upon the inside of his lip, thinking. The unfortunate part of living two timezones away from a romantic partner is that their transportation options for emergency visitations are limited. Unless…

“Is Lion with you?” he asks, crossing his fingers and hoping beyond all hopes that this aloof feline miraculously chose this evening to make a visit at Connie’s off campus group home.

“I-I…” Brief pause. There’s a faint ruffle in the line, probably her shifting position. “I think he’s outside, yes.”

“If you can send him over to me, I’ll be there as fast as I can. Okay?”

“Okay,” she whispers, hoarse and strained.

“We’ll figure this out, I promise. Love you.”

“Love you…”

And with that, Connie hangs up from her end.

Steven’s humble little studio apartment falls into complete and utter silence. He cradles his phone in his hands, staring with unparalleled intensity at his seventeen-year-old girlfriend’s smiling contact photo for a good few minutes… contemplating the sheer daunting weight of the potential future life’s just sprung on them out of nowhere.

It’s possible.

The timing lines up.

What Connie fears is one hundred percent possible.

“Shit,” he ultimately hisses, shoving the device in his back pocket and moving to grab his wallet, his keys, and a light jacket.

This was absolutely not the conversation he expected to have tonight.

_____

One trip to his local 24-hour convenience store and a ride on Lion later, Steven finds himself perched on the edge of Connie and her housemates’ shared couch holding the instructional pamphlet for a pregnancy test, intensely conscious of the sleep shattering noise they’re probably making out here despite their best attempts at whispering. Ugh. He really, really hopes they don’t wake Patricia or Natalie up with all this racket. He doesn’t want to be rude, especially not at the heart of midterms season.

“But this says you’re not supposed to take it until a week after your first missed period,” he says, tapping his finger at the relevant section of fine print.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not gonna work at all, though,” Connie shoots back, tussling the instructions from his hands. “Look, see—? It doesn’t say you’re not supposed to take it until then, it just says the results may have a higher chance of inaccuracy.”

“And isn’t accuracy exactly what we need at the moment?” he responds with a bit too much stress riding within his tone.

(His thoughts trail back to almost three weeks ago. That kissing session that got a bit more heated than either of them had originally planned for. The expired condom that he didn’t realize was expired until after it broke in the middle of sex.)

She shoots him a withering look, her eyes puffy and damp from all the tears she’s already shed tonight.

“No, what I need is an answer. Any answer, so I can finally go to bed and stop freaking the hell out over this. You know how I am— I just gotta rip the bandaid off, and then I’ll be fine. I’ll even test daily for the next week if that makes you feel better.”

“Whatever makes you feel better,” he gently redirects, capturing her trembling hand within his and rubbing faint circles against the side of her palm for a few precious moments.

Sniffling, she gives a faint nod, grabbing the test itself from the coffee table and moving to stand.

“Okay. I… I’ll be just a few minutes. I’ll come back out once I have the sample ready, a-and… and then we can wait together.”

“Take your time,” he says.

She does.

As it turns out, peeing on demand (and on a plastic test strip, no less) is pretty difficult, even more so when one is stressed beyond all belief.

They keep in contact over text for those long twenty or so minutes, and it’s through this feed of discussion that he starts to piece together the full picture of what must’ve happened here.

Mistake number one: Connie knew she was in a fertile period. She knew, and— horny as she was at the time— decided to progress the speed of their lovemaking anyways. All her choice. She provided him a condom she’d gotten as a free sample from some university health fair, and off they went. In any normal circumstance, that’s where this story would stop.

But then came mistake number two: right as he neared the brink of orgasm, he felt a distinct jump in sensitivity— one that not only sent him careening right over the edge, but also alerted him to the fact that his condom must’ve snapped. He’s almost positive Connie felt it too. He pulled out as quick as he could the second he realized, but what’s done was done.

They discovered big mistake number three right afterwards: The condom was already expired. It was expired all along, and neither of them had thought to check the label before slipping it on. Stupid. Connie promised she’d talk to the campus nurse about getting her hands on some free Plan B that next morning— just in case— and Steven assumed that was the end of it.

But then there was mistake number four: Apparently, Connie never took that Plan B at all. She was so wigged out over one of her upcoming midterms in a class she’s barely passing that (as he learns via this text thread) she forgot to go to the nurse to inquire about it in the first place. By the time she remembered, too many days had passed for it to be effective, so she didn’t bother looking into it further. Instead she merely crossed her fingers that nothing would come of this series of unfortunate happenings whatsoever, but then came late period day number one. And then number two. And then number three. And by that point, the evidence seemed so stacked against her favor that the stress simply exploded. She couldn’t study. She couldn’t even sleep. Thus, she just has to secure an answer tonight, or she’ll never find any peace, she says.

He understands, he does.

But also… he really, really wants to make sure that whatever answer they settle on with this matter is guaranteed correct. And soon, while there’s still time to do something about it (if that’s what she wants) without too much emotional investment coming into play.

Because accidentally knocking up his girlfriend in her second year of college… before they’re even married or close to being engaged… and while she’s still seventeen to boot was absolutely not in their plans.

“Ughhh… stupid, stupid,” he hisses to himself, knocking his head against the plush backing of the sofa.

If that damned test comes back positive, her mother (and heck, probably Pearl too, for that matter) is going to kill him.

While he wouldn’t mind being a father in a few years’ time, the fact of thee matter is that they’re nowhere close to ready for such a future at this current juncture. Neither of them have jobs. Neither of them have a home of their own that isn’t partially paid for by their parents. Hell, on his end, even with regular therapy and steady medication he still struggles with the most basic self-care like showering daily and remembering to eat breakfast. So how on Earth— if Connie’s fears are right, and she is positive— is he supposed to suddenly pivot to taking care of an infant too on top of all that? Oh stars he’s not ready for this. He’s not.

And if that’s how he feels, then he can’t even begin to imagine how much terror must be surging through her mind at this present moment.

Yikes. He’s really made a mess of things, hasn’t he? He should’ve… ugh, he should’ve said something. He should’ve gently told her ‘no’ the moment she revealed she was only a day away from ovulation. He shouldn’t have taken the risk. He should’ve thought to check in with her about the Plan B instead of blindly assuming she took care of it. He’s older, so he should’ve been the responsible one.

He tells her as such.

no, no… it takes two to tango, silly, she responds via text a few seconds later. it’s not your fault any more than it’s mine. im sorry for yelling at you earlier, it’s just. not what i had planned.

same, he responses.

And then, after a hard swallow and a moment’s pause… he dares to rustle up that big ol’ elephant in the room.

He asks The Question.

have u thought about what you’re gonna do if its positive yet

A set of ellipses show up at the bottom of the screen. She’s typing. Slowly.

Or maybe…

The ellipses disappear for a bit. Then reappear. Then blink out existence once again.

Steven sighs, sinking back into the couch and setting his phone upside down so he doesn’t have to psych himself out by staring expectantly at her contact photo at the top of their text feed for the next goodness knows how long.

Good grief. If he weren’t already so damn emotionally drained over all this, he’s sure he’d be glowing bright ass pink right now. Thank goodness he’s not. Connie needs his comfort tonight, not the other way around. His lip crinkles into a pensive frown as he reflects on the situation… shifts his gaze around the darkened living room. (He catches the faintest glimpse of Lion snoozing outside the window again as his eyes adjust to the light level.) For the briefest of seconds he considers shooting a text to Dad, curious if he might have any advice on how to handle this sort of situation, but then…

No, no. It’s far too early to say anything. Plus, he doesn’t want to risk letting the blunt reality of their active sex life break containment unless Connie says it’s okay.

His phone buzzes.

Heart pounding with unimaginable ferocity, he flips it over to read.

honestly the reason i’m so freaked out rn is that i think id really wanna keep it. even though im SURE it would mess up all my college goals. is that stupid??

Brief pause yet again as she adds something else.

i’m so, so sorry i know that might not be something you’re ready to commit to rn. that’s half of why i’m so upset. i don’t want this to speed up our relationship in ways you’re not ready for, or ruin it altogether

Steven’s inhale is sharp and shallow, his thoughts racing as he tries not to consider the potential implications of what her decision means for him too deeply. It’s not about me, he reminds himself. It’s not about me.

hey, no- it’s okay, he types, fingers shaking. don’t fuss about me. it’s your body. your choice. i’ll support you through whatever you decide. promise.

Send.

A good while passes without a response.

Considering the heaviness of the topic, he’s half a mind to stride across the room and go knock on the bathroom door to see if she’s okay, but then that very door squeaks open.

Connie scuttles to the couch in a hurry, the test and a generous wad of toilet paper in hand. She lays down the paper on the coffee table first for cleanliness’ sake, and sets the plastic sample cartridge on top of it.

Then, with a weary sigh, she sets a timer on her phone for three minutes.

“Please don’t let me look at it until time’s up,” she says, slumping against his side for comfort.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, shifting his position to wrap his arms tight around her. Secure. Safe. “We’re okay. Whatever happens, we do it together, all right?”

“All right.”

Noticing her heavy blinking and angling to help her feel better, he brushes a stray wavy lock back behind her ear, his touch as delicate as he can muster. “Hey. Jam buds?”

“Jam buds,” she nods with a watery smile.

They sit in silence for about thirty seconds, allowing each others’ racing heartbeats to lull them to at least some form of camaraderie laden relief.

Or at least, they try to.

“My mom is not gonna be happy about this,” Connie says out of the blue, attaching words to the daunting thought they’re clearly both stewing over.

“If it’s positive,” he reminds her. “It’s still a big if.”

“But I’m right though. I was an underage accident, too, remember? I just—” her voice breaks as she chokes back what he fears might be an impending sob— “I know she wanted better for me. I don’t want to disappoint her, y’know?”

He risks a dry joke to lighten the mood.

“Well… at least if she’s mad, you have the excuse that it runs in the family to fall back on, right?”

“Oh, shut up, you,” she says with a half-hearted giggle, playfully shrugging him away.

They lapse into a peaceful quiet yet again.

He busies himself tracing abstract shapes against the knob of her shoulder, doing his best to help ground her amidst this unexpected squall in their relationship.

“How much time’s left?” she asks, her tone shrunken and nervous

Steven glances over at her phone on the table. “Just a few more seconds.”

The timer goes off a mere cluster of heartbeats later.

Taking a deep breath as one committed unit, their hands inseparably intertwined, the two lean forward to investigate the pregnancy test together.

There’s only a single band visible in the results window, where the control should be.

Negative.

Steven lets out what’s quite possibly the biggest exhale of his full nineteen years.

Thank the stars.

That’s step one.

It’s still not a solid confirmation— not with this singular test taken so early into what she fears is a missed cycle— but it’s a start.

“What does it mean that a tiny part of me is kinda disappointed now…?” Connie asks him afterwards, sinking backwards into the couch’s soft embrace.

“It means we’ll have to try again in a few years,” he says, giving the crown of her head a soft kiss. “When we’re actually ready.

_____

Connie tests again just a few hours later that morning.

Then the next day.

And the next.

All negative.

Much to their relief, their one hundred percent conclusive answer comes on day three, when she calls him at the literal crack of dawn with immense excitement to report the belated start of her period.

Just to be extra sure, she makes a walk-in appointment at the university clinic to talk through the scare with one of their doctors on day four.

“It was that damn anxiety med I just started,” she relays to him over the phone later that evening. “I didn’t even think about it. Apparently medications that function as antidepressants run the risk of screwing up your cycle a bit. Thus, the delay.”

“Well, now we know for the future, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she says with a faint chuckle. “That, and the importance of never using cheap free sample condoms. Ugh… I’m gonna be so paranoid about expiration dates, now.”

He frowns, rapping his fingertips against the arm of his desk chair.

“Hey, listen— don’t get all worked up over it, okay? Like you’ve said before, it takes two to tango. We never have to do anything you’re not explicitly comfortable with.”

“Yes, yes, you’re right,” she acquiesces. “Of course you’re right… Still, I guess the silver lining of all this is that now I know I actually want children someday.”

“Same,” he says, his chest fluttering with unquestionable affection. “Let’s get you through college first, though. Then we’ll talk.”

Connie giggles, lively and free. The sound is spellbinding music to his ears.

“Sounds like a deal, Biscuit.”

#su #su future #steven universe #connie maheswaran #connverse #su fanfic #steven/connie #my writing stuff

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