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softer-ua · 3 years

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I was thinking about how Katsuki has never seen Deku in the hospital before and how Deku might be surprised to see him, and how that would probably hurt Katsukis feelings.

Then I decided to be self-indulgent and write the scene out. It was supposed to be short but I got super self-indulgent, because I like making Katsuki feel and making it hurt 🥰

I don’t wanna be unexpected

Deku carefully cracks open his eyes slowly taking in a dark unfamiliar ceiling and the heavy aching of his limbs, he isn’t fully cast anymore but a routine stiffness that tells him he had been.

He’s grown used to this routine over the last year, he doesn’t even bother trying to sit up. Instead, he just scans the room the best he can from his semi-horizontal position.

Turning his head to the left he sees an empty visiting chair and a small window letting in the city’s lights. It’s the only light the room has so it must be well into the middle of the night.

Continuing to the right he sees a small nightstand filled with get-well cards and gifts. It brings a smile to his cracked lips, he’d most certainly cry if his body had the water to spare.

If you told Deku a year ago that he’d get into UA he might have believed you, but never in a million years would he believe you if you told him he was on friendly terms with at least 1/3 of all of UA’s hero course students.

Sometimes that felt like the most unbelievable part of everything. Having his idol pass his legacy to him to beat an ancient evil? Crazy but within the realm of his imagination.

Making close friends with half his class and being at a minimum a positive acquaintance to most of his peers? It was almost unthinkable for a kid who’d spent his whole life being scorned and left out by even his teachers.

Choked up by his feelings, Deku tries to swallow the painful lump forming in his throat. He’s worried so many people and let them down by getting hospitalized yet again.

He’s too dehydrated to cry but he can’t help the dry cracked warble that escapes him. It takes a concentrated effort to clear his throat and not break down completely. It wouldn’t be cathartic at this moment, just painful.

A small groan from the foot of his bed pulls his attention away from reading what he could of the cards.

What he sees doesn’t instantly register with his groggy mind. That’s not uncommon, usually, the longer he’s out the more disoriented he is upon waking, his body might have made a full recovery but the brain takes longer to re-engage with its surroundings.

Deku doesn’t expect to see Kacchan of all people in his hospital room at all, let alone when he first wakes up in the dead of night, but the blonde tuft of hair sticking up from a familiar orange hoodie turned makeshift pillow cradled in well-toned arms makes the figure resting over the edge of his hospital bed unmistakable

Deku would know that pale face pinched into a grimace anywhere.

It adds to the layer of confusion he’s grown used to as part of waking up hospitalized. It also adds a layer of dread and an equal amount of relief. Things must be pretty bad if Kacchan is here, but Kacchan is here and he looks completely whole. It’s a best worst-case scenario.

Kacchan lets out a small grunt as he pushes his face deeper into orange cotton. Deku’s heart squeezes at the sight of the blonde's obvious discomfort.

Kacchan should be at home sleeping in a real bed, not hunched over in a visitor chair clutching a hoodie for a pillow.

Without thinking Deku calls out “Kacchan?”, his voice just above a whisper, a selfish part of him hopes Kacchan will stay asleep a little longer. That he’ll stay where Deku can see him and knows he’s okay. But he knows it’s selfish. So he calls again a little louder, his voice hoarse and scratchy from lack of use.

The blonde shoots up, eyes near frantic as he looks around before red irises settle their sites on him with more concern than Deku ever remembers seeing on Kacchan. Well, at least outside a fight and directed at him.

He hopes they're not about to fight, but when it comes to Kacchans temperament… well he’d be a fool to dismiss the possibility of it.

For a moment all Kacchan does is stare at him. It makes something cold and heavy settle in his stomach. Nothing scares Kacchan, and yet he looks completely shaken.

“Deku? Are you really awake this time?” Katsuki tries to not make his whisper sound as desperate as he feels. There’s no point getting worked up over another dream or worse a still drug-addled Deku, but this Deku seems to recognize him for the first time, and although tired his green eyes shined with a level of coherency that’s been missing for a few days now.

Katsukis’s chest grew tight seeing it. It paled in comparison to the glimmer of brilliance that usually shone in those beautiful emeralds, but when compared to the unfocused glazed look he had been sporting the last few days? Well, Katsuki thought he just might collapse with relief.

This is what he’d been waiting for, Deku’s been physically healed for at least 2 days now but consciously he’s been pretty touch and go. “Uh, I think so?” That’s definitely not the kinda question Deku had been expecting, but he has his own question he wants to get to before they get into that.

Pushing through the dry burning in his throat Deku rattled off the most pressing questions. “How are you feeling? Is everyone okay? Did LOV getaway? What’s going on?”

Annoyance flashes in Katsukis’s eyes before quieting with acceptance, of course, the nerd wants to know how everyone else is and the current status. Katsuki wanted the same when he first woke up, they were heroes in training, after all. Their own lives would always take a backseat to their self-appointed responsibilities.

“Hold on. You sound like sh– not good.” Katsuki got up and got the nerd a cup of water and then helped him sit upright, trying to decide on what to tell him. Completely missing the way Deku flushed at his uncharacteristic gentleness.

Katsuki decided on the bare minimum.

“I don’t wanna talk about that sh- not good fight right now. All you need to know is that everyone is fine. You’re the only one still layed up, worrying everyone half to death. You’ve been out for almost a week, you woke up a few times but you were all loopy calling people by the wrong names.”

Calling him by the wrong name. Deku must have said an incoherent hello to half the class only sometimes guessing who he was speaking to correctly or just talking to no one at all before immediately falling back asleep. Deku had of course asked about him more than a few times but not once did the bastard see him sitting right in front of him.

It had taken every ounce of willpower Katsuki possessed to not throttle him, but he’d promised All Might that for the sake of Auntie Inko he wouldn’t upset the nerd.

The pride Katsuki had just momentarily taken in thinking to get Deku water, the gentleness he took help the dweeb sit up, and managing not to swear when recounting the transgressions to boot turned ashen when he saw the way Deku shied away with guilt.

A stubborn part of him felt righteous and believed Deku should feel guilty, a larger part felt a sense of failure in breaking his promise to All Might literally the first time he actually spoke to Deku.

“Wait, if everyone else is okay what are you doing here?” Deku feels himself relaxing despite his guilt, contentment settling in the spaces where trepidation previously roosted, he trusted Kacchan to be honest.

If he says everything’s fine then it is, but the lack of pressing news makes Kacchan passed out at the end of his bed even more confusing.

The painkillers he’s on make thinking feel like everything’s ruining through Windows 95’, he can practically hear his brain's fan whirring. His mind can’t really pull up fresh thoughts, just old truths, Kacchans never visited before and he apparently has no reason to now.

Katsuki sighs as he slumps back into his chair. Deku’s still clearly confused and he isn’t sure he has the energy to repeat himself right now, then considering how he failed the first time he decides might as well try.

“Everyone is fine, everything is as fine as it can be at the moment. You’re in the hospital recovering from the fight with supercharged crusty mcdusty, but you are also apparently going to be fine” Dekus staring at him like he has two heads so he keeps talking. “The league is being dealt with, I’m not talking about the fighting until tomorrow at the earliest, neither of us is in shape for that conversation and I don’t know much myself yet”

Deku’s pinch brows and slight pout tell him he’s got questions, questions he can’t answer. Anytime he even thinks about how the fight went down he feels like he’s going to explode.

Trying to reign in every ounce of self control he possesses he slumps further in his chair rubbing his face and counts to five. Then kicks Dekus hospital bed for good measure, before speaking again.

“Deku just rest, you're clearly still out of it and I don’t wanna repeat myself a third time.” Seriously how many other ways can he say everything is, by a very loose definition, fine. How much clearer can he make it that he’s not giving anything else up?

“Uh you didn’t have to repeat yourself? I believed you the first time, Kacchan” Deku couldn’t help but feel like Kacchan was purposely misinterpreting his question, but why? It shouldn’t be a hard question, he’d really only asked to make conversation and clear up some brain cobwebs.

“Then why did you ask–“ Something ugly and broken twists in Katsuki’s gut as he slowly repeated Dekus' question in his head ‘what are you doing here’.

“I just didn’t expect to see you here if you didn’t have to be.”

Deku wasn’t, hadn’t been, asking why someone was there with him but why he, Katsuki, was there. Deku wanted to know why he was here instead of literally anyone else. Deku didn’t know that Katsuki had basically taken up permanent residence in here with him, probably couldn’t see the cot laying at the foot of his bed.

White-hot rage coursed through him in an instant, after everything they went through Deku thought he’d just ditch him to some extras in scrubs? Katsuki had a bad temper on good sleep, exhausted he was ready to put Deku back in a coma.

He struggled with the feeling of his palms heating, but the second before he felt like detonating Katsuki caught Deku’s eyes in full.

As always they show everything the nerds feeling and the familiarity soothes him in a way he can’t explain. Doesn’t ever want to explain.

It used to drive him up the wall like Deku was purposely giving him messages in a language he couldn’t read. Shoving in his face how inadequate he is in comparison.

Katsuki knows now that’s not the case and over the last few months, he’s actually been learning how to read Deku for the first time in his life.

And he’s discovering that even though it’s an advanced read for him he likes the challenge and even more he likes the victorious warmth that spreads down to his toes when he can tell just what Dekus is thinking without any words.

Right now Deku does look slightly confused and yet still so open and trusting, and his crooked shy smile proves that he is actually happy Katsukis here. His confusion is just that, confusion.

Always glad to see him, always caught off guard by his presence.

As much as the familiarity soothed the recognition hurt.

A couple of months on good terms doesn’t erase all the bad years, he knows this, he’s told himself as much a dozen-plus times.

He’s never visited Deku in the infirmary or the hospital before now.

At first just because his stubborn pride insisted that he couldn’t show weakness/care for someone else because he was above them all, that he had to constantly act like Deku was below him. Even when he recognized Deku as a rival he didn’t visit, partly because of lingering pride but mostly because he felt like he didn’t deserve to.

He was too much of a coward/slave to his pride to risk being turned away.

This time he hadn’t even considered Deku might not want him, he had just selfishly insisted he stay by his side for his own peace of mind.

To see Deku wanted him here but couldn’t understand why Katsuki would want to be here himself left his fingers feeling numb as all the adrenaline drained out of him.

Deku studied Kacchan intently, his explosive rival had turned to him and risen half out his chair looking like he was about to shout at him but when their eyes locked the words had apparently died on his tongue.

Now Kacchan was just staring at him with an unreadable expression entirely unmoving after he plopped back in his seat, never breaking eye contact. It was clear now that Kacchan hadn’t understood his question at first but now he seemed lost at how to answer.

Deku wanted to wait for Kacchan to speak but experience told him he shouldn’t hold his breath.

Besides it was late, as much as he desperately didn’t want him to go, Kacchan should be safely asleep in his own room. It’d be selfish to ask him to stay.

Kacchan probably hadn’t meant to stay as late as he did, he was just prone to falling asleep wherever he was once 9 pm rolled around. Deku knew first hand that Auntie Mitsuki had a very strict bedtime policy that had long been physically instilled into Kacchans psyche.

“Kacchan, it’s late you should head back to the dorms and get some real sleep. I feel fine.” At the sudden incredulous tweak of a blonde eyebrow, Deku rushed to elaborate, “I mean I'm of course tired, and a sore but I feel whole. This is a familiar routine for me, I’m okay.”

Katsuki thought back to what he told All Might a lifetime ago, “he never considers himself”.

Here Deku was laying in a hospital bed concerned about his sleep and knowing just what he wanted/needed to hear, that Deku was okay, straight from the source.

It’s all he’d wanted to hear for almost a week now and he had to press his lips shut into a tight line to keep the embarrassing whimper he felt clawing at his throat from escaping.

“I know that you can go to the front desk and the attendant will call for a UA shuttle, doesn’t matter the time, Todoroki has left as late as 3 am”

Oh if that didn’t have something ugly snapping its jaws and thirsty for blood inside Katsuki. At heart, he’s always been explosively petty.

As much comfort as Todoroki being almost equally worried about Deku had been over the last week anytime anyone so much as even accidentally hinted at the ways Katsuki had failed to be there for Deku before now had him seeing red.

Reminding him how others had stepped up and into the places, Katsuki felt he should have been, felt like a slap in the face. But coming from Deku the anger he felt turned inward.

Where he usually saw red, all he saw was green. Not the warm emerald hue of Deku sitting in front of him, but dark bitter jealous green.

Petulant ‘whys’ clawed at his ribs. Why did people who’d only know Deku for a year have a more prominent roles in the nerds life than he did after knowing him forever, why did Deku have to like those extras so damn much, why didn’t he realize sooner how important Deku was, why did he have to care about any of that at all, why did Deku have to bring up that goddamn candy cane, why did Deku want to send him away, why wasn’t Deku even half as desperate to stay by his side as he was, why why why?!

He voiced none of these thoughts, instead just continued staring grumpily ahead. Hoping Deku didn’t notice how heavy his breathing had gotten or how he tightened his grip on the chair's armrests.

Deku took another sip of water before continuing. “I’m happy you’re here, really, it means a lot to me.” He let a genuine full smile slip on his face, he didn’t want Kacchan thinking he wasn’t grateful for his presence.

He really was happy that Kacchan was the first person he got to see upon waking up.

Circumstantial or not the fact that Kacchan was here with him now was a deep comfort to him and a pleasant way to wake up. Usually, it was to his classmates' forced positivity or his overly fussy weeping mother and that never got easier to deal with. As confusing as the change was it was a nice one. And he told him as much.

Why did Deku always know exactly what to say to people? When he, Katsuki Bakugo, couldn’t say anything at all.

Normally the instant relief his body felt at Deku’s words just pissed him off, but tonight exhaustion took its toll.

He felt the tears he’d been fighting all week fall hot and sticky down his cheeks, embarrassment shame and guilt tinted his face a splotchy pink. When he felt the lump in his throat give way to a choked hiccup he didn’t just crack, he shattered.

Ugly sobs racked through him and he buried his face in his hands and dug his fingers into his hair.

Why was the only familiar part of this him breaking down in front of Deku? He’s known Deku his whole life. He should have been the first and last person in Deku’s hospital room every time from the very beginning if for nothing more than obligation. Any one of those times could have been the last time.

Deku would have slipped away from him, and Katsuki would have been one of the last ones to know.

He hadn’t because he knew it’d always end up like this, him blubbering like a baby over Dekus hospital bed and he couldn’t risk it before. Too desperate to keep that little voice inside him that picks apart his every sign of weakness quiet.

It never goes away and UA had made it so much louder, he couldn’t give more feed to the fire. That’s exactly what Deku does to him.

On bad days Katsuki feels the little claws of insecurity scratching at his brain comparing him to Deku, that Deku’s surpassing him because he’s weak and he’s going to get left behind, he’s going to be forgotten.

On equally bad days he surpasses Deku completely and the voice switches gears, telling him he doesn’t deserve Dekus praises. That he’s a hopeless brat with an oversized ego and Deku’s words are empty. Katsuki hasn’t earned them, and he never will, Deku’s just placating him.

Katsuki doesn’t have good days.

Why did he even care though, Deku has seen him cry a dozen times and never once has it changed anything, hell Deku cries all the time.

But Deku’s never been debilitated by crying the way he is, Deku always keeps moving like he doesn’t even notice he’s crying. But he, Katsuki, can barely breathe around his tears.

Because he’s weak and a coward and everything Dekus not. Deku’s light years ahead of him in being a better person and by proxy a better hero and he’s never going to catch up.

Delirious with exhaustion Katsukis thoughts keep spiraling out of his control, growing more and more vicious.

He doesn’t even deserve to call himself Dekus' rival, Deku’s going to leave him behind, Deku’s going to keep taking on the world by himself because he’s not strong enough to fight alongside him, Dekus going to get himself killed and it’s all his fault. He’s hyperventilating through his sobs now.

“Wha- Kacchan, what’s wrong?” Deku suppressed a small groan at stretching stiff unused muscles as his scrambled brain had him lurch forward to grasp Kacchans wrists, he can see where blunt nails dig into his scalp. Gently as he could, Deku replaces callused hands with his crooked ones.

“Hey look at me.” He lifted Kacchans head to meet his eyes and took deep slow dramatic breaths encouraging Kacchan to match his breathing. Red eyes frantically scanned his face and clutched his wrists tightly like a lifeline, desperate that Deku doesn’t pull away.

Slowly their breathing synchronized, the tears kept flowing though, Deku was certain he was crying now too but he made no move to confirm this. He just kept watching Kacchan, keeping his own breathing steady. This wasn’t the first time he’s had Kacchan match his breathing, but it is the first time he’s been this close and this obvious about it. Then again Kacchans never looked this desperate.

In the past when he’s noticed Kacchans breathing has sped up and his gaze looks far away he’ll nonchalantly sit down next to him like he hasn’t noticed Kacchans problem at all, then he’ll practice his own breathing exercises a little louder than would be considered polite. Consciously or not Kacchan follows suit.

He’d learned the tactic when he was 7 from his mom helping one of their neighbors on the way to the store, a very nice lady he called Auntie Kay. She had some kind of disorder that gave her bad anxiety and had apparently forgotten to take meds that morning and got overwhelmed by the noise. His mom used to be an assisted living caregiver before she became, well his mom, so she had experience with this kind of thing.

Later she explained what she’d been doing. That you're someone they have a long history of trusting you don’t want to get in their space, just reaffirm to them that they’re safe and try to get them to slow their breathing, focus on breathing out.

1, because It’s hard to concentrate if you don’t feel safe. 2, the human body doesn’t know if it has enough oxygen, it knows if it’s getting enough air and if it has too much carbon dioxide in it, and you breathe out carbon dioxide.

That day his mom was like a mini hero, saving the day with a smile. It made him more aware that there’s more to being a hero than just fighting villains, it’s about saving people.

He can’t fight villains from a hospital bed, he could still be there for others. He could be there for Kacchan.

After a minute he hesitantly thumbed away the freshest tears but that seemed to just make things worse as another sob racked through Kacchan and he tightened his grip on his wrists. It wasn’t until Kacchan finally spoke and he reflexively snapped his jaw shut that Deku realized he’d been making soft shushing noises.

Katsuki tightened his grip on Deku’s wrists as he choked on one last sob thinking that Deku was finally pulling away, but when he just continued to thumb his tears away and making soft little noises he let himself believe Deku wasn’t going to dismiss him again.

Katsukis never let himself be comforted like this by anyone, not even as a child, but he was too tired to fight it, too distraught to care about how selfish he’s sure he’s being, and too certain that Deku was the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.

He’s confronted his own mortality a few times this year but none of it had compared to being confronted in real-time with Dekus. Living with Deku so close to death over the last week had taken its toll on everyone but Katsuki especially had been unraveling more and more each day.

The first day he’d been ready to bring the entire hospital down if he didn’t get to Deku’s side immediately. It only got worse from there.

He’d grown more cantankerous than he’d ever been, but the fire in him had been dying out. By the time Deku first woke up and didn’t recognize him the only thing he’d say to anyone was the same mumbled shut up, only sometimes accompanied by half-hearted sparks daring anyone to try to remove him from the room.

Auntie Inko was distraught too but she had let All Might take her home after that first visit and encouraged her to rest there saying something about how no mother should have to see this side of hero work or whatever.

The doctors were probably just worried about what all those tears might do to their equipment, Katsuki certainly had been even if he hadn’t said so.

Katsuki had promised Inko he’d stay by Deku’s' side, she’d looked conflicted about something but they both silently agreed that was a discussion for another day.

Katsuki doesn’t know what to say now but desperately feels like he needs to say something.

He’s terrified it’ll all come out wrong and freak Deku out, Deku who just woke up for real for the first time! He’s terrified of saying nothing and losing his chance to say anything at all because Deku just woke up for real for the first time in a week!

Deku deserves to hear him apologize for everything, but he doesn’t feel like he’s ready to be forgiven and if Deku doesn’t forgive he doesn’t know what’ll happen to him, he may very well implode.

If Deku turns him away then the kindest thing the universe could do for him would be to ignite every nitroglycerin-soaked cell in his body and just let him go. But the universe isn’t kind and will instead make him force himself out of this room and into a UA shuttle and into a life where everything green fades into bleak gray.

“Kacchan, your muttering” Deku says with the softest smile Katsuki has ever seen, and he feels like all his broken pieces have begun melting.

Deku stays silent, thumbs rubbing gentle circles. He seems content with doing nothing more than smiling at him until the sun comes up. And Katsuki feels another sob rip through him as he forces himself to speak.

“I meant it when I told you to keep your eyes on me.” The desperation in his own voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard to him. “I want you to know to look for me, and that I’ll be there. Even outside of heroing. I want you to expect me at every turn, forever. I don’t wanna be unexpected”

Deku leans forward and Katsuki thinks he’ll stop breathing all over again until their foreheads bump together. Deku’s looking right in his eyes, and he’s so close Katsuki's eyes can barely focus on him. They just stay like that for a small eternity while Katsuki’s heart beats wildly for entirely different reasons. One’s he’s not sure he’s ready to understand.

“Okay, Kacchan”

#kacchan #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #deku #izuku midoriya #bakudeku #dekubaku #Decchan #bkdk #dkbk #4k words might be too many for tumblr #the self-indulgence is strong with this one #it’s not even angst Katsuki just makes himself cry #katsuki needs therapy so bad y’all #now that it’s finished I realize this just 4K words of nothing actually happening #Deku is literally the most perfect angel in the world #but he asked the wrong question

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iwaisa · 4 years

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request: hello! can i pls request hc for bakugou, shinsou, todoroki and tamaki with a crush who has a devil type of quirk? she can summon demons to battle with her, and if desired, she could even be able to tempt you. She also has this axe similar to zack’s from angels of death or kite from hxh. She’s super skilled but she’s not evil or anything, she’s rly playful and likes to tease. I’m sorry if this is hard to write or it makes you uncomfortable, i’ve had this idea for a while..😅 thank you!!❤️- anon

a/n: i actually love this idea so much it’s so cool !! and it was super fun to write <3 (i really hope i interpreted this correctly!) thank you for requesting! :D

bnha boys crushing on a girl with a devil quirk

pairings: bakugou, shinsou, todoroki, tamaki x female reader

warnings: swearing, suggestive content

► now shuffling...

he looked at you and instantly went “holy shit she’s badass.”

he LOVED your quirk. he thought it was insanely awesome.

of course, he won’t ever tell you this because he’s a tsundere ❤️

and because he stutters when he’s around you

lowkey was terrified of the demons you summoned when you had to fight him

yk how he screams like a girl in the dub? yeah❤️

you teased the hell outta him for that.

he kinda hated you for that but he still couldn’t stop admiring you

he also thought your axe was badass

he always seemed to be out of it whenever he watched you entice your sparring partner, and he thought it was so hot

he didn’t even know he had a crush on you (because he kept oogling you and checking you out) until kaminari and sero brought it up

“bakubro! stop oogling l/n! she’s gonna get creeped out!”

he hit kaminari while sero just laughed so bakugou hit him too

one time, you got together with kami and sero to prank bakugou, which ended horribly

after the prank, bakugou got so angry he stormed off to his room, slamming his door

apparently, sero and kami never saw him this mad, so they asked you to go calm him down

after about thirty minutes of stalling, you ended up in front of his dorm

you were super hesitant to knock, but you really wanted to see if he was alright

upon knocking on his door, you heard super heavy footsteps and you started getting really intimidated LMAO

he swings open the door and glares at you, asking what the hell you want

once you told him you just wanted to make sure he was alright and you apologized for the prank, his face exploded red in colour

his palms also started sweating, making them explode

he mumbled something along the lines of, “no girl has ever checked up on me like this,” 🥺🥺

you began teasing him again, which kinda set him off

he started yelling about how he ‘just liked you and thought you were so badass and so cute at the same time’

you were confused, but flattered

you told him that you liked him back, and that he should take you on a date with a wink ;)

you were in class 1-a for your skills as a hero in training

he was jealous of everyone in the hero course, but he couldn’t seem to hold a grudge against you

he watched as you defeated not only one, but TWO people in the sports festival

unfortunately, you didn’t win, but you got fourth :)

shinsou was absolutely dumbfounded

how could someone so cheerful and adorable be THAT terrifying in battle??

he’s never been intimidated by anyone, but he found himself shying away from you whenever you tried to spark a conversation with him

until one day you were going to the nurse to get your wounds healed by recovery girl, and shinsou was there sleeping

after recovery girl bandaged you up, you sat on the edge of his bed and ran your fingers through his hair

he didn’t wake up right away, which gave you a good ten minutes or so to admire his face

when he did wake up, he was looking up right into your eyes

he was practically in a sleep paralysis state, and you were just frozen in place

“you’re just dreaming~” you teased, causing him to snap out of his sleep paralysis

“sure.” he grunted while sitting up

“why were you sleeping? don’t you have class?”

“i do. i barely get sleep so i come to recovery girl to take quick naps.”

there was a moment of silence, and shinsou couldn’t take his eyes off you

here you were, sitting next to him in your hero costume (which he thought was extremely hot)

he noticed the bandages and asked you who you were fighting

“oh. bakugou.”

what? you said it as if it was nothing?? bakugou, the most TERRIFYING fighter?? that bakugou?

“i beat him though, so…”

by now he was just completely immersed in you

you were so cute and perfect and you had just beat bakugou??? and you’re talking to someone like shinsou?

“you’re amazing,” shinsou muttered causing you to turn your head towards him

“huh?”

“can i take you out? i think you’re really cool. intimidating, but cool.”

“aww~ does shinsou have a little crush?” you jested causing him to grumble while stand up

“guess i do.”

that sure shut you up.

“what? is l/n embarrassed~” he teased right back.

you rolled your eyes and grabbed his collar, pulling him down to make your lips meet

“what? is shinsou embarrassed~?” you mocked.

he watched you walk out of the office before turning around

“i’d love to go out with you. you’re funny. in a good way.”

and with that, you left a very flustered but excited shinsou to deal with recovery girl’s teasing remarks

he was… very indifferent about the whole ordeal

everyone in class 1-a was welcoming a new student

todoroki just sat in the back of the classroom as usual not exactly caring about anything that aizawa was saying

he watched the new student walk in,

and NOW he was interested

has he ever thought about someone this way??

no. the answer is no.

he’s never actually said to himself that he thinks someone is cute - he just doesn’t have the time

but he simply pushes it off and assumes that nothing will happen and he won’t have to talk to you

months later and you still have the same effect on him that you did when you first transferred

except now, you chose the bi-colour haired boy as your teasing subject

he didn’t exactly understand all of your jokes or teasing remarks, which made for a great person to tease

also, he was way too captivated in your eyes to understand anything that was coming out of your mouth

in battle, todoroki definitely had the most animated facial expressions and reactions to anything he’s ever seen

he was so captivated by your fighting techniques and the demons you summoned?? awesome as hell. your axe?? also awesome as hell.

your outfit??? yeah. todoroki liked that too.

one time he cheered you on as you faced off against iida and he never got so many strange looks in his life

even you were dumbfounded, and you ended up losing to iida because of it

while you were in recovery girl’s office, todoroki was sent to ensure you were okay as per aizawa’s request

he watched as you just finished getting bandaged up, and he took that as his signal to step in and apologize

recovery girl left for a few moments, giving him the perfect time to confess - or so he thought

simply put, he asked if you were okay

then he started rambling about your quirk and how amazing you are - a feat he picked up from being friends with midoriya

you cut him off with a finger to his lips

“if you like me so much, why don’t you just say so?”

he quickly shut his mouth, leaving you to think the worst

“i like you, very much.”

BABIE

ugh he’s literally so intimidated by you

he believes that you’re far better than him in battle and that you should take his place in the top three

he never tells you this though, he’s shaking and facing the wall each time you’re around

so he just resorts to watching you from a distance, cheering you on in his head

one day, you have to face against him

he never shook so much in his life

but he remembered mirio’s words of encouragement, and he was set to go

it ended up with you beating him, because he was caught off guard by one of your demons - which he thought were absolutely terrifying by the way

while your demon was distracting him, you snuck up behind him and just *bonk* on the head with your axe

he ended up fainting, and you were quick to offer to take him to recovery girl

while sitting at the end of the bed waiting for tamaki to wake up, you had a lot to think about

should you tell him how you feel?

you knew he liked you back - the body language and red faces were the most obvious signs

but what if he says no? he doesn’t want to date anyone?

you were snapped out of your thoughts as you felt tamaki’s leg tap you as he was waking up

“morning, sunshine~”

he’s never jumped so high in his whole life

you began laughing, but you were quick to stop when you saw his trembling lips

“hey, i didn’t mean to scare you, i’m really sorry,”

“it’s okay,” he whispered

there were a few moments where neither of you spoke up until you decided to break the silence

“i know you like me,”

his eyes were darting all over the place, but they never met yours

“h-how d-did...you know?” he mumbled

“because you act shyer around me than anyone else. but...i like it”

you were confident on the outside, but inside you were freaking out

so he DID like you back.

you were twiddling your fingers before you felt tamaki shift, and all of a sudden his lips were on your cheek

you slapped your hand on the spot his lips just touched, your mouth hanging open

“c-can i take you...on a date?” he whispered,

you nodded your head quickly, just in time for recovery girl to enter to continue treating tamaki

#bnha #mha #katsuki bakugou #hitoshi shinsou #shouto todoroki #tamaki amajiki #bakugou x reader #shinsou x reader #todoroki x reader #tamaki x reader

136 notes · View notes

pl-panda · 3 years

Text

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 14

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 14

---------

“Tt. I will cut that stupid harlot into pieces.” Damian scowled. He, Allegra, Claude, Jon, Felix, Marinette, and Chloé sat at one of the prime tables in the cafeteria. His wife just finished telling them what happened after the initiation meeting.

“Maybe we don’t immediately jump to murder?” Claude suggested.

“I agree. We don’t have a place to hide a body yet.” Chloé supplied.

“That’s not what… nevermind.” Allegra sighed.

“Dami! I appreciate the thought, but maybe keep it as plan Z?”

“Plan Z is where I need more than one body bag.” He grumbled but nodded. “But we can postpone it.”

“Okay. Let’s act rationally and focus on prevention. Teachers will be useless.” Felix chose to act as the voice of reason.

“I really hoped it would be different than Paris…” Marinette moaned.

“It is. If they actually catch her, she will be expelled. But you’re not exactly the headmaster’s favorite person while Erica seems to be held high by him. We would need a solid proof and she is cunning.” Claude explained.

“Remember Lucy Hunt?” Allegra asked. “She did something to attract Erica’s wrath and she had to move to Metropolis after she had a mental breakdown. Nothing was ever proven and to the naked eye it would look like a series of coincidences.”

“So she is smarter than Lila?” The shorter Parisian asked, worried about what was to come.

“Nah. She just knows how to talk with the right people.” Claude dismissed.

“First order of business would be to ensure she has nothing real to hurt you with.” Felix started.

Damian and Marinette shared a worried gaze before the boy spoke. “The site is foolproof. Drake made sure to use some of the best technology we have to protect it. Not even a super AI can hack it.” He subtly nodded his head to where Max and Markov ate. Kim and Alix were with them. The skater girl looked really upset. “Same with social media. Short of an alien invasion or if someone physically broke into where we hid the servers, you’re safe on that front.”

It clearly took a lot of weight from her shoulders.

“Okay, now onto blackmail?”

“Tt. That’s not something to discuss where we can be overheard.” Damian quickly shut that topic down.

“Right. Sorry.” Jon rubbed the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry, Kent. I’m covering that front.” Chloé smirked.

“That’s great…” Claude started, but then pointed toward another table, with quite a lot of people. “Is that Erica… and you said that Sausage Hair was Layla Bossi?”

“Lila Rossi,” Chloé corrected him. “But I like Lie-la Bossi better now.”

“They seem… friendly..” Jon commented when the two girls hugged.

“I would actually expect them to be rivals, given that both want Damian,” Allegra noted.

“Are they… crying?” Marinette asked.

“Crocodile tears.” Felix glared at them. “They are up to something. I don’t…” He never got to finish, because a purple butterfly descended from the ceiling and landed on Erica’s ring. The corrupted energy surrounded her momentarily and when it died out, her whole appearance was changed.

She now wore a black one-piece cheerleader uniform, similar to what GA cheerleaders wore, except it was black with red lines and not lilac with a white finish. On her chest, there was, in a jagged script, written ‘Gargoyle’. Her face was now in a light shade of red, with tear stains permanently etched on her cheeks. Her eyes were entirely white. Her blonde hair was turned into a messy mane and two horns stood proudly on her forehead. Her lower legs turned into that of a goat, complete with hooves. She was now holding a whip in one hand and a burning pompon in the other. Small wings were folded on her back.

“A succubus! +10 to charisma and +5 to strength!” A small Asian girl shouted from the nearby table.

“I am Weeping Gargoyle!” The Akuma spoke. “I’ve been used by the one I held dear and now I’m going to get what I was denied. But first,” the creature turned to Marinette and her friends. “You! I’m going to deal with you!”

“Frick frack I lost me…” Claude started some rhymed joke, but a fireball sailing toward them shut him up.

Thinking quickly, Marinette flipped over the table to use it as an impromptu cover. Damian kicked the ground and a sword popped from next to his chair. Nobody had time to question how he hid it there because everyone scattered. There was nowhere to transform in all the havoc.

“What’s going on here?” Headmaster Hammer walked through the front doors to the cafeteria to see a demonic cheerleader tossing flaming pompons that exploded. “Teenagers.” He growled. From under his cloak, he drew a saber and took a battle stance. “Fiend!” He rushed at her. The whip slashed at him, but the headmaster deflected it with an incredible show of swordsmanship. This created an opening for Damian to charge from the other side. He managed to dodge the flaming ball and slice at her hand. At the last moment, the wing shielded the Akuma and his blade bounced off without leaving the slightest cut. The headmaster was met with the same fate.

“Stupid men!” The Akuma shouted. A ring of fire exploded from her, pushing and burning both of the attackers.

“Run.” Headmaster snapped at Damian. “I’ll hold her off.”

“Tt. You’re old. Get to safety.” The boy snapped back.

“You’re so getting detention for this!” Hammer scowled as the two dodged their separate ways.

“Hey! The tryouts are in the gym!” A voice spoke from a hole in the roof. A spotted heroine leaped from the hole while throwing a yo-yo at the Akuma. The cheerleader shielded with her wings before flapping them and lifting from the ground.

“You’re not who I want! I’ll get your miraculous later!” She flew through the same hole the heroine entered through. The whole cafeteria was now on fire. Ladybug met Damian’s gaze for a moment before grabbing the headmaster and jumping outside. He was in bad condition from all the smoke.

She laid him on the ground to make sure he was okay. He coughed several times before the professor was able to speak correctly. “What about the brat!”

“I’m going in now.”

“No need.” Black Cat appeared next to them. “I got him out. We’re lucky the main doors were still working because the rooftop fell apart after I entered.”

“Cat! The Akuma will be on her ring. It was what created all the fire.”

“Tt. Let’s go.” The two jumped away from the headmaster, who hid a small smile.

-----------

Three girls and two boys snuck around the campus. Most of the students were already evacuated, but they managed to stay undetected and remain in the action area.

“I still think we shouldn’t go after a supervillain.” Kyle tried, but Maps made a gesture that told him to stop speaking.

“Sh! I’m telling you, it was Erica. A butterfly landed on her and she suddenly transformed into that monster.”

“I read about it. It was a demon. The Lord of Butterflies sent it to take her over. If we aren’t careful, it will turn all of us into that monster.”

“Olivia? You’ve got the crossbow?”

“Please. Demon? Lord of Butterflies?” Colton criticized. “Are you sure it wasn’t just some manga?”

“Shut up! How else would you explain what happened to Erica?” Pomeline asked. “It’s obviously dark magic.”

“Okay. Assuming it is dark magic, how are we supposed to protect ourselves? I’m pretty sure I don’t have tinfoil hats on me.”

“Fool. The only thing that can protect you from the Lord of Butterflies are positive emotions.” She spoke like it was an obvious fact, yet still making it sound ominous.

Abruptly, the wall they were hiding behind exploded, and a girl dressed in a skintight red and black outfit flew past them. A boy in assassin garb followed. He landed on his feet and started to spin a staff fast enough to create a shield. Several fireballs flew at him, but they all smashed into the shield harmlessly.

He noticed them cowering behind the wall.

“Tt. What are you doing here!? Get away! Now!”

Ladybug jumped up and leaped from behind him, throwing her yoyo. It wrapped over the leg of the villain and pulled the flying Akuma down. Cat charged past his partner and smashed her with his baton like it was a baseball bat, sending her into the wall.

“Lucky Charm!” The heroine tossed the yo-yo above her head and a red-and-black watermelon fell into her arms. With only a moment’s hesitation, she tossed it to Cat, who already knew what to do. Once more playing baseball, he redirected the watermelon over to the akuma. She just managed to get it together when the fruit landed on her horns and got stuck. The change of weight made her fall, which Ladybug used to dash toward her and tie her with her own whip. She then pulled the ring from her finger and crushed it in her hand.

A purple butterfly escaped her grasp, which she caught into her yo-yo.

“Bye Bye little butterfly.” She then grabbed the watermelon and tossed it high in the air. “Miraculous Ladybug!”

The item exploded into a swarm of glowing bugs that fixed everything there was to fix. It looked like the supervillain never attacked.

“What… I…” Erica was back to normal and very confused. “There was… I remember…”

“Don’t worry. The paramedics will be with you shortly.” Ladybug calmed her. There was a bit of cold in her voice, but it was probably because she just finished fighting her a moment ago.

“I told you it’s magic.” Pomeline grinned victoriously while she whispered at Colton.

“Ehm.” Suddenly, the group was startled by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them. “Mind explaining to me why are you here and not evacuated with everyone else?”

“Oh! Um… You see…” Maps started, but Pomeline was too focused on something else. “Where did you learn magic! Can you teach me?! I mean we go to school here and I want to help if Lord of Butterflies and his Demons attack again!”

“Lord of Butterflies?” Ladybug walked to them and asked, again startling the whole group.

“Yes. There was an old book in the library. I managed to decipher part of it and it spoke of the Lord of Butterflies and Demons he sent to possess people. But there is only so far a translator on my phone could take me. I’m not exactly fluent in Mandarin.”

“Can you lead us to it?” The superheroine was showing almost too much interest.

“Will you teach me magic?” Pomeline tried to bargain.

“Tt. You will take us there or we return with the police and you will take us there.” Black Cat was not in the mood. Blackmail was the last thing he wanted right now.

“Fine.” The girl scoffed and led them toward the library.

“How did you summon a watermelon?” The smallest girl asked zooming over to Ladybug. “Are you a summoner? I never played a summoner. They have some nice spells I suppose…”

Ladybug, against herself, giggled at the girl’s antics. She also noted in the corner of her eyes that Damian was also smiling under the hood.

Nobody noticed when Erica slipped away.

-------

The library was large and dusty. It didn’t look like many people came here.

“It’s the old building. When Bruce Wayne funded a new library with new books, they decided to just keep the old one as an archive. Now only people that come here are us and Mr. Scarlet.”

“The new library totally had nothing to do with Damian Wayne getting expelled for the fourth time.” Colton joked and Ladybug giggled when Black Cat muttered a curse under his breath.

“The book was in the back. I didn’t want to move it…”

When they turned the corner, they saw a woman in a blue and purple dress standing over a book with a tablet. She was taking pictures of the pages. Her skin was blue and her hair purple.

The group immediately pressed against the wall, and Pom pulled a handheld mirror to take a look around the corner without risk of being spotted. Meanwhile, Ladybug and Black Cat looked at one another and their faces took a serious expression. There was a kind of silent dialogue going on between them and they both nodded at the same time. In complete silence, Cat used his staff to up and meld with the shadows. Only his green eyes were visible until they too disappeared.

Ladybug opened her Yo-Yo like a phone and took a photo of the feathered villain. She was turned to them, but even something as simple as that could be a major help. Kwami bless magical phones for making perfect pictures without a flash.

With the proof needed, she aimed her yo-yo, spun it twice around before throwing it forward. The projectile sailed true and wrapped around her arm holding the tablet. The villainess was surprised and let go of the tool as Ladybug yanked on the line and made her opponent lose balance. That was the cue for Black Cat, who swooped from the ceiling, snatched the tablet, and leaped back into the shadows.

“Ugh! Stupid peasants!” The Peacock cursed. Instead of freeing her hand, she allowed the fan to slip into her hand and unfolded it. She tried to pull on the yo-yo’s line and make her opponent fly to her. It worked, but Ladybug twisted mid-air and came at the villainess feet first in a kick. The blue woman had to block it, but she still held the line. The heroine used it for her advantage and flipped the line over Peacock’s neck and started to choke her. It also held her in place. Black Cat, who already deposited the tablet in a safe place, swept down and tried to grab the brooch, but he got kicked back by an angry woman, fighting for a breath.

Peacock folded her fan and swiped at the line, cutting it and making Ladybug fall on her back. The Villainess took a deep breath and looked around to analyze her situation. She was outnumbered and the element of surprise was still on her opponents’ side. Even without the yo-yo, Ladybug was a formidable foe and she wasn’t sure who the new Black Cat was. She had a silent suspicion, but nothing solid.

“Until we meet again, fools.” She leaped up and onto the shelves. Cat went in pursuit, but she saw the kids hidden behind one of the shelves and purposefully made it fall when she jumped onto it. The kids didn’t have enough time to scatter. Predictably, Black Cat went to save the kids.

He pushed Maps from under the falling shelf but got stuck there himself. His suit and enhanced body could withstand it, but not his bruised ego.

“Don’t be a grumpy cat. We’ve got her tablet.” Ladybug stood over him and grinned before helping him stand up.

“Tt. We might have our first lead.” He grinned.

“Let’s go check the book itself. The fact she was after it makes me think it has more value than I first suspected.”

----------------

Masterlist // Next

77 notes · View notes

bcbdrums · 3 years

Text

Feeling

happy birthday, @shegogogirl!!! this fic is based on her headcanon. it is NOT based on mine. go read her outstanding fanfics at @rosesforshego!!!

FFn AO3

-----------------------------------

Shego's step echoed as she shifted her weight to the side, surveying the items on Dr. Drakken's work table. Some were easily recognizable—a hammer, a screwdriver, a soldering iron—but others she had never seen before, and she decided that the blue villain she now worked for was at least more knowledgeable in various engineering fields than she was. But the jury was still out on whether or not he was a 'genius' as he claimed.

Shego glanced over her shoulder to the heavy, metal doors of the lab. They were closed, and the soft hum of machinery was the only sound in the lab so late in the night. She assumed Dr. Drakken had gone to bed, but the lights had been on when insomnia and boredom had brought her down.

She surveyed the objects on the table again and an old curiosity began to surface in her mind. She frowned at the idea as her eyes fell over the hammer again and the memory it brought, and she shook her head to rid her mind of the thought. But she knew it was still there, clawing its way forward as she picked up an unknown object and turned it over in her hands.

It resembled something like a dentist's drill, if she was recalling that tool correctly, and yet something was off about it. It also looked geared to working with larger materials than teeth. After a moment she held the object away from her slightly and flicked a switch on its side. A white glow emerged from the tip of the object as well as an electrical hum. She narrowed her eyes, and then glanced back at the soldering iron.

The thought was back in her mind—the one she had sworn she would never allow again. But looking at the array of tools she had never seen made the curiosity press forward like a drill in her mind, carving a direct line through the barriers she'd erected and going straight to her conscious thought.

'Maybe, one of these...'

Shego felt the hesitation and also the pull—the sense of knowing she was about to cross a line she shouldn't cross, and knowing that there could be ramifications, and also...knowing she had no other choice. With a sick feeling of regret, she pulled off her left glove and dropped it on Dr. Drakken's chair.

The tips of her fingers were nearly black, and a dark green faded to pale in a slow gradient from the tips of her fingers across her palm and to the beginning of her wrist. She flexed her hand twice, amazed at the motion as she couldn't feel any of it excepting the slight pull of tendons in her wrist. And then she looked at the object in her hand.

She felt the first real uncertainty, and after a moment flipped the switch to turn the tool off and picked up the soldering iron instead. That was familiar, and something she had used before. Perhaps, this time...it would be different.

She turned on the soldering iron and waited the length of time she knew it would take to heat. And then without even a breath of caution, she placed the dark, pointed end on her fingertip.

Nothing. There was still nothing.

She drew the iron down her finger toward her palm, watching the texture of the skin change slightly as it was burned. But she couldn't feel a thing. The cost of her powers had been the death of the nerves in her hands. She hadn't felt a thing with them since that horrific comet strike when she was eleven years old.

While she was used to having appendages she could use and never feel after so many years, she still held a fool's hope that one day, maybe...she could feel again.

She turned off the soldering iron and put it down in disgust, turning back to the strange drill-like object that had glowed. She picked it up and turned it on, hesitating as she hovered it over another finger. She had no idea what actual damage the device might cause. But...if she could just feel it...

"Shego?"

Shego startled and dropped the tool as she whirled around, keeping her un-gloved hand behind her back.

"Dr. Drakken!"

The man was fully attired in his blue lab coat, suggesting he'd only been out of the room for a brief interval. He was looking at her expression in confusion which she attempted to school from its panic, but he quickly moved forward and toward the still-running tool she had dropped. She took the chance to grab up her glove from the chair and put it on as he examined the device before turning it off.

"What were you doing with my microscopic laser drill?" he asked when he turned back to her.

"I was...just looking at all the tools. I don't know what most of them are."

Her boss's confusion remained for a moment, but then faded as the boyish glee she was getting used to bloomed on his face.

"Would you like to know what they do?"

"Uh. Sure," she said hastily, even though all she wanted to do was escape from the situation that had very nearly revealed her. But staying to listen would be a better cover.

As Dr. Drakken began talking about the laser drill so rapidly she couldn't have followed if she tried, behind her back she pressed her fingers into her palm one after the other, and then pinched her finger where the soldering iron had run over it.

But there was nothing. She couldn't feel a thing.

-------------------------------

"And then after my new Robo-Butlers have become a staple in every home, we flip the switch and turn the amiable automatons into my legion of— Shego? Are you listening? Shego?"

Shego startled and looked down. Drakken's gloved hand was covering hers on the work table in the lab.

She pulled her hand away quickly, grabbing it with her other, and Drakken recoiled and blinked. They regarded each other for a moment, Shego's thoughts entirely arrested, until Drakken frowned and blushed faintly, turning back to the robotic component he was working on.

"You could at least listen to the plan!" he spat in defense.

Shego crossed her legs over to the other side where she sat on the work table to face away from him slightly, still holding her hand. She didn't feel anything... Of course she didn't. But something had made her look down. It hadn't been his voice that brought her back into focus. Somehow...it had been his hand on hers.

"Robo-Butlers, legion of doom... Go on," she said, finally waving her hand absently.

She looked at the dead appendage as she set it back down on the table. She knew she hadn't felt anything when he had touched her... She couldn't have. And yet somehow, it was definitely what had drawn her focus.

The curiosity she felt about the moment dissolved quickly into anger. There was no way Drakken had touched her hand for any other reason than to get her attention, but if he had...she still wouldn't feel it. She would never feel anyone touch her hands for any reason at all.

What did it even mean to feel? She had physical feeling in all of her other extremities, though she knew somehow it wasn't exactly what it was supposed to be, due to the comet. And other types of feeling... She couldn't let herself feel anything beyond anger, resentment, greed... Those feelings would drive her as she aided Drakken in his plot to take over the world, and in her own goal to erase every memory the world had of a super-hero named Shego.

No. 'Feeling' wasn't something one did with their body. It was merely the darkness churning in her soul like magma, building until the day it might explode again like it had the day she had left Go City.

"Shego?"

Drakken's voice brought her focus back, and she saw his confusion at what must have been a dark look on her face. But rather than reacting in fear or annoyance to her lack of listening, he simply sighed. Her brow rose.

"Just...hand me those pliers," he said with another sigh.

Shego looked across the table where the tool sat out of reach and picked it up, her fingers grasping the item with the proper amount of strength from both practice and remembered instinct. When she turned back and handed it to Drakken, she watched his fingers brush against hers.

He turned his face away quickly and frowned, another faint blush coming over his cheeks as he used the tool to manipulate some tiny wires. Shego looked at her fingers for a moment before setting her hand back on the table. And she frowned at the sudden unexpected feeling not in the dead extremities, but the one that tried to break through the darkness in her heart.

--------------------------------------

Shego stared at the menace of the glowing and electrified green mass that was the syntho-plasma, out of control and about to consume them both. Suddenly, she had the sense she should turn around. But the threat in front of her caused her to ignore it.

"Shego? Shego!"

A tug in her shoulder caused the villainess to finally turn, and she saw two things. First, that Drakken had a death-grip on her hand—which of course, she hadn't felt him grab—and second, that another mass of the living goo was headed straight toward them.

Shego growled and in one swift movement had thrown Drakken up over her shoulder. She flipped out of the way of the rampaging sentient substance, setting Drakken down when they were clear. And then they began to run.

"I think it's time to put syntho-plasma in the 'fail' category, Dr. D.!" she said between her labored breaths as they sprinted out of the lab in their snowy mountain lair and toward the hover-car bay.

Shego felt that instinct to turn again, and a second after felt a familiar haphazard tug in her shoulder. She looked down to find that Drakken had taken her hand again for some reason as they made their escape, and she looked up to see his face half-turned back the way they had come, twisted in terror and also in thought. Whether he was trying to think of a way to salvage the plan or reason where it had gone wrong was beyond her, but she found her thoughts drifting immediately to his grip on her lifeless hand.

He must have grabbed it to get her attention before, but...she had told him awhile back of her inability to feel with her hands; that every object she held was held due to practice, and memory from childhood. It was why she was occasionally clumsy with new things, which he had very rarely seen because she concealed it well. It was also why she lacked confidence in cooking, as the art required a certain dexterity. No, all her hands were good for were burning things. So knowing this...why had he grabbed one?

After leaping into the hover-car, Shego had expected Drakken to let go. But when she tugged against him to reach for the controls she wasn't able to free her hand. She looked again to where he was holding on tighter, while biting his other hand apparently in attempt to keep from either shouting or perhaps crying, if the way his eyes were pinched shut was any indication. Shego couldn't analyze it in the moment, since the living green plasma was still in pursuit, and with her free hand she started the craft and guided it out of the bay and away from the lair.

The explosion that followed soon after hadn't been caused by Kim Possible that time, but by Drakken's own haste in experimentation. But Shego would yell at the man for it later. Now that they were high in the sky, clear of the pursuit of any green goo and only the scent of smoke interrupting the chill of the air around them at their altitude, she needed first to deal with the fierce grip he still had on her hand when she looked down to the seat between them.

She looked at the way her fingers were contorted in his grasp and frowned for a moment, wondering if he might have broken them. But when she looked up again he was still biting his other hand, and there were definite tears in his eyes.

"Dr. D.?" she asked, suddenly concerned.

He blinked suddenly and turned toward her, and she drew back with a gasp. The left side of his face was burned and even had some slightly blackened spots. Clearly the syntho-plasma, which operated within some kind of electrical field, had touched him in their escape, and she'd missed it.

She swallowed down the lump that had come to her throat both for concern for him, and for the memory of pain that had surfaced at seeing his own.

"If you'll let go of me I can get the first aid kit," she said evenly, surprised at the lack of edge in her tone.

His eyes dropped and then widened at seeing the way he still held her hand. He released her, and after flexing her hand several times and determining that at least her fingers didn't seem broken, she reached below the seat for the case containing their medical supplies.

When she looked up again Drakken had stopped biting his own hand and appeared to be trying to halt his tears. Shego opened the case and then frowned.

"Dr. D., didn't I tell you this needed to be re-stocked?"

Drakken looked down at the near-empty case in her lap but said nothing, only replacing his hand in his mouth to bite hard on it again. She had noted tooth marks in the black leather prior to his doing so. Shego sighed in frustration at the complete lack of any supplies for cleaning or bandaging in the case, but at least there was still plenty of burn gel which was the more important in the moment.

She pulled the cap off of the gel and then hesitated. There weren't even cotton balls in the kit. There wasn't anything she could use to effectively spread the gel onto Drakken's burn.

She gritted her teeth and frowned as she looked up at him again. She didn't know why the tears he was fighting got to her. Or maybe it was the fact that his blue skin was starting to blister, and she still had a memory of similar pain herself. But whatever the reason, and with a small fluttering of fear in her heart, she began pulling the glove from her hand.

Drakken's squinted eyes widened slightly at the sight she had never before let him see, of her blackened fingers with streaks down through the dark green of her palm. Where the color faded to her normal pale green at her wrist, the skin there also softened from the rough scarring that she had gained when the comet's power had first seared through her hands.

She squeezed too much gel from the tube onto her fingertips—a sign of her own nervousness at revealing the ugliness she hid, that she couldn't exert the proper pressure—and then set the tube down in the kit. She lifted her fingertips toward Drakken's face and he watched the movement of her hand.

"This'll be easier if you move your hand," she said through a sigh.

Drakken's brow rose, and he removed the hand from his mouth he'd been biting, hurriedly attempting to dry his tears with the cuff of his glove. His eyes remained on her hand until the gel touched the side of his face. He winced and gave a slight hiss, but then blinked repeatedly as it began to provide relief.

Shego sighed again through her nose, her mind brought back to the moment she had sat up amid flaming wreckage, smoke choking her lungs, and her hands ablaze with a green fire that had terrified her. Now, it was her source of power, and her way of shutting down her anxieties by exerting power over others. But at the time it had been pure fear, and...pain. It was still the greatest pain she had ever experienced, and she hated remembering it. But it was in her dreams... The cries of the dying, the roar of flames...and just pain.

"Thank you, Shego."

She was startled from the horrifying memory at the sound of Drakken's voice. He was looking at her now, and not at her hand, and she could see that the burn gel was providing him some relief. She took a deep breath and then sighed through her nose.

"You're welcome," she said.

Drakken looked hesitant, and then glanced down to where her other hand still held the first aid kit. She followed his gaze and then her own eyes widened as his hand reached for hers, but then stopped halfway there.

"Did I hurt you?"

"What?" Shego asked, her heart suddenly beginning to race. What was he asking?

"When I squeezed your hand."

Shego felt a relief sweep over her at his words, not sure why she had panicked to begin with. There had been no reason for it.

She lifted her free hand from the first aid kit and flexed her fingers again several times.

"Seems to work."

"Does it feel...? Oh. I..."

She retracted her hand from his face with a frown, ignoring his obvious concern over the slip and choosing to wipe the remaining gel on the hover-car seat. She attended to the task meticulously, having to watch to make sure the gel was gone as she couldn't feel when it left her fingers or even that it was on them at all. But when she turned back, she gasped.

Drakken had removed her other glove and was examining her hand. She yanked it away and fell back in the seat, her heart racing again as she was utterly at a loss for words.

"Shego—"

She responded by igniting her hands, the familiarity of the green flames a comfort as Drakken leaned away from the danger.

"I'm sorry!" he cried, waving a hand in innocence. "I was just making sure I didn't break your fingers. I...I'm sorry!"

Shego looked at his horror-stricken and remorseful face with the red burn on the side, looking better already for the gel. She looked at her gloves on the seat between them, and the first aid kit that had slipped from her lap when she jerked away. And then she looked at her hands, the black of her fingers like the charcoal of burned twigs, her palms a strange, dark source of power. The green fire surrounded her hands like a threat and like the safety of a womb.

She let it go out and stared at the appendages, just as dead and unfeeling. She looked at Drakken. He looked less afraid, and...

Shego turned away sharply as she felt tears stinging her eyes, though she wasn't sure why. When people had pitied her in the past, she threatened them. If they had offered condolences, she tore them down with her words. And if they didn't stop she let them know that Shego the super-hero was not who they thought she was. No, she knew what to do with the fire that had destroyed her. It was her strength.

But now, for some reason...when she had seen that look in Drakken's eyes...she couldn't do either of those things. She couldn't threaten him with pain, and she couldn't just mock him. For some reason...it all felt wrong. And instead she was fighting tears.

She hadn't cried in front of anyone since the day the comet struck.

"Shego?"

She blinked and jerked her head slightly in his direction to let him know she had heard, though it wasn't necessary.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked... I'm just worried I broke your fingers. I was squeezing your hand...really tightly."

Shego snatched one of her gloves and used it to dry her tears, then slipping it back on and the other soon after.

"Won't matter if you did. They still work, and I can't feel them anyway."

"I'm sorry... I—"

Shego resumed flying the hover-car, taking them out of the smoke and away from horrible moment.

"Just forget about it, Dr. D.," she heard herself say, though she wasn't sure why she was letting it go so easily. All she knew was...a feeling...different than the memory of fear and pain, and different from the panic she had felt in the moment, was swirling around in her chest. A feeling she didn't recognize.

She glanced at Drakken and then realized...the look on his face wasn't the same as the pity she'd remembered seeing on others during the old hero days. This look was simply...concern?

The new feeling swirled more prominently in her chest, and she tightened her dead fingers on the steering controls. She wondered if actually feeling her hands again would be better or worse than whatever this other...feeling...was, that seemed to be taking over her.

--------------------------------------

Crackling close by. A roaring wash, slightly distant. A siren.

Flames.

Pain.

The sound of crying.

The realization that these sounds and sensations weren't a nightmare or memory, but the present reality, was terrifying. But none of them had been what woke Shego as she blinked up into the darkness of the night.

An orange glow at the edge of her blurred vision confirmed that she was indeed in the midst of a fire. She didn't know where or why. But she knew it wasn't the past, when the comet had struck. It was the present. And she was on the ground on her back, in pain again.

She felt something then. It was only the ghost of a feeling long forgotten, but she still felt it—for just a fleeting moment, and then it was gone. She knew it had been this ghost, and not the chaos surrounding her that had woken her.

She tried to guide her eyes in the direction of where the feeling had come from but only saw her arms. Her brow furrowed. Her arms were not under her control she realized, as they were elevated and she not the one lifting them. Her gaze traveled further and then she saw her hands.

Something pressed against her mind then, insisting this was the source of the feeling that had woken her. But that was impossible... Wasn't it?

She blinked a few more times and tried to force away the blurring in her vision, the sounds of the fire getting nearer a strong motivation. And then she saw the method by which her arms and hands were elevated.

It was Drakken. He was sitting beside her on the ground, one knee pointed up, and her hands rested atop it as he held them in each of his own. And then she saw his tears. His eyes were held tightly shut as whimpering sobs left his lips, tears sliding down his face in streams so rapid the heat of the encroaching fire couldn't evaporate them fast enough. This must have been the source of the crying she had heard.

She watched as Drakken's thumbs rubbed over her fingers, back and forth. If she hadn't been looking she wouldn't have known, as she couldn't feel his touch. And then he set his face down atop her hands as controlling his cries became more difficult.

"Shego..." left his lips in a choked sob. "I'm so sorry, Shego. I'm so sorry."

It seemed to be all he could say, in his struggle to hold back fiercer sobs.

Shego tried to speak, but found her mouth didn't want to work. Attempting to lift her head only revealed just how much pain she was in, as suddenly all of her nerve endings—those still functional—felt like the nearing fire that she feared. It was that knowledge that motivated her past the pain and she forced her head to rise from the stone and metal rubble she realized it was lain upon.

"Dra-..."

His head shot up.

"Shego! You're alive!"

The realization that he'd thought she was dead was eclipsed by the relief in his voice and the startling joy in his eyes. It was this sight she found herself suddenly able to focus on despite her blurred vision. Her head refused to lift any higher and she let it fall back to the ground.

Before he could say anything else however, the siren she had forgotten was suddenly the prominent feature in the atmosphere. Drakken leaned toward her, and she wondered in confusion whether it was out of his own fear, or a desire to protect her.

She watched as police officers pointing guns at them entered the periphery, and the sound of fire hoses blasting water started to eliminate the crackle and roar of fire. She couldn't hear what the officers were shouting as it all became a fog in her throbbing head again.

"She's hurt, she needs medical attention!" was Drakken's desperate reply to the officers. "She was thrown into that tower and electrocuted before it collapsed!"

They shouted something else, but Shego still didn't hear it, nor did she try. Her gaze had fallen slightly to fix on where Drakken still tightly held her hands atop his knee. And through the pain and the distraction around her, she recalled that somehow...it was that touch that had brought her back.

She couldn't feel her hands. She never would feel his fierce, protective hold on them. But the sight sent a different feeling stirring in her chest—one she was starting to grow weary of fighting, and wondering why she ever had.

--------------------------------------

Shego shifted where she lay on the large, round bed. The pillows were soft and comfortable, and the sheets like silk against her skin. But the pleasure of those physical feelings went all but unnoticed for the swell of feeling in her heart.

Drakken sat next to her, her bare hands held up between them. He kissed one palm, and then the other. His lips moved up one scorched and blackened finger, and then down its other side. And then he repeated the process on the next one. And the next...

It hadn't been easy to let go of the rage and the deadness inside that she had made her haven, and to let herself trust the feeling that Drakken had stirred within her. To give up what had been her source of strength and defense for so many years had been a battle, and one that had taken so long to win she feared losing him forever—especially after he had saved the world and everything changed. But it had been that fear that had been her final push, as she realized that life without him was far worse than braving the unknown and letting him in.

She hadn't known that in doing so, a veritable flood of feeling would come crashing over her like waves, utterly destroying the anger and bringing life back to the places that were dead. It was frightening... But she had to open herself to him. It was the only way they could be together. And in depths of her soul, she couldn't deny anymore that he was all she yearned for.

She continued watching as Drakken kissed her hands with all the attention and care in the world. She could imagine that it felt gentle, tender... His kisses to the rest of her body always were. And sometimes when she thought hard enough, she could imagine that she truly felt his touch on her hands. It had been his touch, after all...a touch she couldn't even feel...that had begun cracking through her walls.

She suddenly felt tears prickle in her eyes as she watched his lips linger on the back of one hand before favoring the other with the same, compassionate touch. And all in a rush she realized that she could feel.

"Shego?" Drakken asked worriedly upon seeing her tears. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head lightly. "Nothing. It just..." She paused to take a shuddering breath as the emotions overwhelmed her. "...It feels so good."

Drakken looked perplexed for only a moment until realizing she didn't mean physical feeling, but the feeling in her heart. And then kissing each of her hands once again, he released them and she instantly locked her fingers behind his neck and pulled him down. Not that he needed any encouragement, but she felt she couldn't wait another moment to have his lips touch hers.

She hadn't known anything like the love he filled her with could exist. But she was certain beyond doubt...it was the greatest feeling of all. And their love... That was the feeling that mattered.

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tinyinvadr · 3 years

Text

I’m finally back with another story! This time around we get Gaz and Recap bonding, since Recap is with Dib most of the time, and I thought a change of pace would be interesting.

Don’t Face the Music

Recap’s POV

After what happened the last time, I didn’t think I’d ever be going back to skool again. But now that I’m officially abandoned, Dib doesn’t want to leave me home alone anymore. Honestly, I think I take care of myself pretty well, considering I’m only eight and was never really taught how to borrow correctly, but hey, I’ll put up with skool if it’ll help ease Dib’s nerves. Plus, skool means I get more potato chips! I LOVE THEM.

“I know last time didn’t go so well, but as long as we steer clear from Zim, everything should be fine. I’m prepared this time, and now that Gaz knows about you, she can help protect you.” Dib explained on the walk to skool.

“Now, Gaz, in case Zim crosses our path, I want you to… Gaz? Gaz, are you listening to me?”

I peeked out of Dib’s pocket to see what was going on, and Gaz was walking beside us, expressionless and ignoring Dib. He let out a sigh.

“Great, she’s got her new earbuds in. She can’t hear me. Ugh, I’m not that annoying, am I?”

She continued to ignore him, and soon, we arrived at skool.

The day started off exactly the same as my first day at skool. It was a long, boring period of Ms. Bitters droning on about how society is doomed.

“Ms. Bitters? I require use of your restroom. I fear it is quite urgent, and my internal organs may explode if I do not-“

“No one asked for the details, Zim. Just go!” The creepy teacher hissed.

I peeked out to get a look at Zim, a suspicious smirk on his face as he left class. I take it that’s not a good sign.

But that didn’t matter to me, because soon enough, the bell rang, and the lunch period began, meaning I was getting chips!

After we arrived in the cafeteria, things got weird. The last time I went to skool, it was really loud in there, but all the kids were quiet. They were so quiet that I was able to hear music playing over the loudspeaker. I didn’t even know those things played music, I thought it was just for making announcements.

Dib sat down at his usual table, and I patiently awaited my chips. But then I got bored of waiting after a few minutes and I peeked out to start nagging him.

Strangely, he wasn’t having a one-sided conversation with Gaz like last time, he was staring at the wall in complete silence. He wasn’t moving, either.

“Hey, Dibby, you good?” I asked. Nothing.

Frustrated, I climbed up his arm and onto his shoulder, which admittedly isn’t one of my smartest moves, but no one noticed me.

“HEY DIB!!!” I screamed directly into his ear. I’d done that to him before. He did not like it. But this time, he had no reaction.

From my elevated position on his shoulder, I could easily see the rest of the cafeteria. Just like Dib, all of the kids were completely silent and motionless.

Except for Gaz.

When I looked over at her, I noticed her head was bobbing up and down. That was probably a good sign.

I made my way across Dib’s shoulders and leapt onto her arm, latching onto her sleeve. She noticed me right away.

“Recap? What are you doing?” She asked, annoyed.

“Something weird’s going on! I think it’s this music!” I replied. She gave me a confused look. I pointed at Dib, and she shrugged.

“Eh, he’s finally being quiet. I don’t see what the problem is.”

At that, I climbed up to her shoulder and pulled one of her earbuds out. She immediately went into a daze like the others, so I put it back in.

After coming back to reality, she grabbed me, holding me just tight enough to where it was uncomfortable but not to where I was in serious pain.

“Don’t you EVER pull my earbuds out again! You just made me listen to mainstream pop music!”

“I think the music is controlling everyone somehow. Though, it doesn’t seem to be working on me.” I explained.

“There’s probably some kind of subliminal message in it that’s at a frequency you can’t hear. Why are they even playing this garbage music, anyway? The cafeteria’s never played music before.”

I remembered Zim’s suspicious trip to the bathroom right before lunch, and that was when it hit me that he wasn’t in the room.

“I bet it’s Zim!”

“You’ve been hanging around my brother too much.” Gaz replied.

“No, really! I mean, who else could be doing it? They’d either have to not be human or have super powerful earbuds like you.”

“True, true. Alright, let’s go take him down.” She stated, placing me back on her shoulder.

We headed to the main office, and there was Zim, with some alien-looking machine blasting music into a microphone.

“Eh? Gaz, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be a mindless zombie!”

“Your mind control doesn’t work on us, Zim!” I replied.

The moment he noticed me, he casually waved. “Oh, hey small human. Haven’t seen you in a while… WAIT! You were supposed to be my minion!”

He started to walk toward us, but Gaz grabbed him and started slamming him into the machine over and over until it stopped playing music.

After she finally stopped, Zim fell to the floor, out of breath.

“Vengeance… will be mine… just let me… let me… ugh, I’m in pain.”

When we got back to the cafeteria, Dib ran over.

“Gaz, have you seen Recap?” He asked in a whisper. I waved him down from my place on her shoulder. He gave a quick sigh of relief, then covered me with his hands as he slipped me into his pocket before anyone noticed.

“Where did you two go? I didn’t even see you leave! You can’t just wander off with them like that, what if something happened!?”

“Dib, chill. Recap and I just saved your butt from being hypnotized by Zim. You’re welcome. Though really, Recap should get most of the credit. I wouldn’t have even noticed you all turned into zombies if they hadn’t pointed it out. These earbuds are really high quality.” Gaz explained.

“Wait, really?” Dib asked. After a moment, he placed his hand in his pocket and gave me a head scritch with his thumb. “Thanks, bud.”

I leaned into his hand. I was glad he was safe. It felt great that I was able to do something to stop Zim. It’s easy to feel powerless when you’re this small. But I guess being a borrower has some advantages, and I’ve gotta use them to protect my humans. After all, they’d do the same for me.

#giant/tiny #g/t #g/t fluff #g/t writing #invader zim

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jaxl-road · 4 years

Text

The League of Extraordinary Rockstars, ch.2

Summary: LA is a hub for music and mutants, making it the perfect place for Motley Crue, Guns N’ Roses, and countless other mutant musicians to call home. But it’s not all easy, especially when it comes to finding a decent place to live. So what better solution than moving in together in the mansion of an immortal? Love, drama, and super powers. If nothing else, it’ll be interesting.

Chapter Warnings: Language, genderswap!Steven

AN: This is a collaboration between myself and @the–blackdahlia! It combines elements from her fic “It’s So Easy (And Other Lies)” (specifically her genderswapped!Steven) and my super powered GnR series. It is completely AU and ignores timelines like Woah, but hopefully you’ll have as much fun reading it as we’re having writing it! Let us know what you think!

~~~~~

It had been a couple weeks since Duff moved in with Slash and Stevie and in that time, he had sat on Slash probably a dozen times.

Stevie had mentioned before how most of the time Slash would camouflage in his sleep, but it was still hard to get used to. He would come home after a double shift and go to collapse on the couch only to land on a very disgruntled guitar player.

“Goddammit, can’t you fucking check before throwing yourself on the couch?”

“Can’t you go to sleep in your fucking room?!” Duff snapped back.

Slash wanted to rip his hair out. He had to grind his teeth together to keep from screaming about the number of times he’s had to deal with a drunken Stevie stumbling into his room to bawl about how she had too much love and too many crushes and they didn’t like her back and she was going to die alone. And because he was a fucking good friend, he would pet her head and try to soothe her until she finally fell asleep and he was stuck with a snoring glowstick lighting up his room.

So yes, he had been sleeping on the couch. But because, and he could not stress this enough, he was a good fucking friend, he couldn’t explain to Duff exactly why.

Living together was turning out to be a hell or an adjustment for the three rockers. Duff had shaken up their routine, giving them an extra person to get drunk with, which made Stevie’s already frazzled emotions even more haywire, not to mention the household hangovers they were suffering through each morning. It was easy with Tracii. He stayed out all night and slept all day, and honestly, Slash and Stevie had kinda felt sorry for him. But Duff was something different, and after one too many mornings of being awoken by Duff and Slash arguing, Stevie exploded.

“Enough!” She yelled at them. “I am going to stay the night someplace else so I can get some fucking sleep before work!”

That was three days ago, and this was the first night Duff and Slash had seen their roommate since she stormed out. Walking into the apartment, Stevie was pleased to see that the two boys looked properly chastised. Granted, their arguing hadn’t improved much during her three day exile, but Slash and Duff figured she didn’t need to know that.

"Hi boys," she smiled. "It’s a beautiful day. Aside from the freak thunderstorm yesterday," She flopped on the couch.

"Thought you moved out," Slash grumbled.

"Nonsense. I just stayed the night at Kelly's."

“Oh thank GOD,” the guitarist practically threw himself across Stevie’s lap, “I thought you were leaving forever!”

Duff shuffled over sitting next to her and looking very much like a kicked puppy, “You were gone for so long we didn’t think you were coming back and we missed you so much-”

“Holy shit you guys,” Stevie shook her head fondly, patting Slash’s head, “I was gone for three days! I just needed a long weekend away from your bickering-”

“He started it!” Two voices snapped simultaneously.

Eyebrow twitching in thinly veiled annoyance, Stevie grit her teeth and continued, “Whatever, my point is I need your arguments to at least be rescheduled to later in the day, alright?”

There was some minor grumbling.

"If you don't, Kelly's looking for a roommate. Or a fuck buddy that gets a free room." She smirked. She knew that would get them to chill out. "Now, I'm hungry. And I'm going to see a show tonight. You guys gonna join me?"

“Of course, but I gotta go to work,” Duff told her. “I’ll see you guys this evening.” He headed to his room to pull on his uniform, something nagging him in the back of his mind. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he tried to focus on making it through another shift at a job he hated.

The three roommates went to their various shitty jobs, each feeling impatient for the day when their music would finally pay the bills and they would have to deal with huffy customers telling them to cut their hair. Needless to say, by the time they reached the Whiskey for the show they were ready to let loose and have some fun. Tonight Motley Crue had managed to snag a headlining slot, Duff, Slash, and Stevie toasting their friends’ success and lamenting their own band’s slow growth in equal measure.

“We’re gonna make it, guys!” Stevie exclaimed, people around her moving away or shielding their eyes as she glowed with enthusiasm. She waved her empty glass excitedly, slurring slightly, “I mean, I mean the crowds have been getting wild for us! And the stuff we’ve recorded is fucking badass! It’s only a matter of time before we start bringing in the big bucks!”

“God, I hope so,” Slash sighed, “this starving artist shit is getting old.”

"Guess you could catch and eat a snake," someone said. Stevie turned and smiled.

"Kelly!" She gave him a hug.

"Hey glowstick," Kelly laughed. "You look rested."

"I am. Thank you." She kissed his cheek.

Duff smiled tensely as he gave Kelly a high five, “Hey man.”

Slash rolled his eyes as Kelly shot him a knowing look, grinning, “Sup guys. Word on the street is you’re having some domestic troubles,” he elbowed Stevie playfully, “This gal was lighting up the place when she first came over.”

“Yeah,” Duff grimaced as he admitted, “It’s taking some getting used to.”

“I can imagine,” Kelly raised an eyebrow. The first night Stevie had arrived on his doorstep he’d had to wear sunglasses as she ranted and raved and lamented about the whole situation, “I mean, you’ve all got annoying ass powers-” he ignored the three offended outcries, “-and you live in a shoebox. Of course you’re stepping on each others’ toes.”

"At least we don't have axl…" slash pointed out.

"Don't have me for what?" Axl said as he approached the group, Baz's arm around his shoulder.

"In our shoebox home," Stevie told him.

“Excuse you, I am a goddamn delight and any house would be lucky to have me!” the singer huffed.

“You tell ‘em, babe,” Baz grinned.

"When you yell, you'd blow down a wall…" Slash commented.

“Fuck you, my control is impeccable!” Axl growled and Kelly raised his hands before a fight could break out.

"Let's get some drinks," he told them. "I'm buying."

"My hero," Stevie laughed. Kelly had an arm around her waist. Izzy was sitting at a booth, which Kelly spotted and brought everyone over to him.

Raising his head, Izzy nodded in greeting, “Hey guys, here to see the Crue?” he gestured at the stage where Nikki was, as usual, on fire.

Laughing, Stevie slid into the booth next to him, “Yup! What are you doing over here all by your lonesome?”

“Brooding,” Axl, Baz, and Slash all answered simultaneously.

Glaring, Izzy huffed, “I was enjoying some peace for once in my life, fuck you very much.”

"Maybe later," Stevie giggles, making Izzy's cheeks burn bright red.

"Their act is lame," Axl rolled his eyes. "Fire again? Really?"

“I mean, you gotta respect their commitment to the brand,” Slash shrugged.

The group downed their drinks, bickering and joking and occasionally remembering to cheer for the Crue. Before they knew it, the set was finishing up, Stevie shining extra bright as they applauded the band as they left the stage.

Izzy glanced between Stevie and Duff with forced nonchalance, “So, how’s the living situation going?”

Shrugging, Stevie answered, “Getting better I guess. Duff’s still not used to Slash camouflaging with the couch,” she snickered.

Duff threw his arms in the air in exasperation, “Gee, I’m sorry I’m used to living in places where you don’t have to pat down every surface in case there’s a hidden guitarist there!”

“Apology accepted,” Slash grinned, the bassist shoving him as he laughed.

“Ugh, I just can’t wait until we can have some more space,” Stevie groaned, “I love you guys, but fuck man, some elbow room would be nice.”

Izzy, Axl, and Baz, nodded their heads sympathetically, their own living situations only marginally better than the trio’s. Meanwhile, Kelly hummed in consideration.

“You could always stay at my place for awhile if you want,” he shrugged.

Stevie giggled, slapping a hand over her mouth when she saw the group squint from her light, “Kelly,” she patted his shoulder, “that’s sweet of you dude, but you live in a shitty studio apartment in the slums. Just having me over was a stretch.”

“No, no,” Kelly shook his head, “I meant my other place.”

Silence stretched as six pairs of eyes stared at Kelly in confusion.

“....What?” Slash finally broke the silence.

“You know, my other place,” Kelly said casually, “the one on Mulholland?” When the stares continued, he furrowed his brows, “Have I never mentioned it before?”

“No,” Duff answered emphatically, “No you have not. What the Fuck?”

“Huh.” It was maybe a little annoying sometimes, but it wasn’t Kelly’s fault he couldn’t remember who he’d told what to. After all, the bassist was more or less immortal, his mutant healing factor fucking with his aging until he found himself stuck as a twenty-something for God only knew how long. So if his memory was a little sketchy, well, who could blame him?

The drugs and alcohol probably didn’t help either. But that was besides the point.

“Well, yeah. I have another place. It’s a house, got like, eleven bedrooms if I’m remembering correctly? It’s also got-”

“Woah, woah, woah, dude,” Baz waved his hands, “Hold up. Did you just say eleven bedrooms?”

“Give or take,” he shrugged.

“So…. it’s a mansion,” Axl stated, voice unnervingly blank, “You have a mansion.”

“I guess, yeah…”

As Axl sucked in a long, deep breath, Kelly realized that he had made a huge mistake.

“WHAT?!” It was honestly impressive how Axl managed to shriek at ear splitting levels without any of his mutant ability coming through. Still, even his human-level screeching had the group flinching.

The singer slammed his hands on the table, glasses shaking as he glared at Kelly in shock and fury, “You’re telling me that we’ve all be living on top of each other in fucking sqalor and this whole time you’ve had a goddamn mansion?”

“Who has a mansion?”

Kelly would give anything for Sebastian’s ability to teleport right now. Because when he turned around, he found the members of Motley Crue staring at him hungrily, and he suddenly felt like he was surrounded by hyenas.

He probably should have waited until it was just him and Stevie before mentioning the house.

"Uh, hi guys," Kelly laughed. "What brings you here?"

"You have a mansion and didn't tell us?" Tommy pouted. "I thought you loved us."

"Dude the 60s fucked my brain. I can't remember shit," Kelly laughed.

"Which 60s?" Vince smirked.

"Yes." Kelly nodded, dodging the question. "So, I'm just gonna go…"

He was half standing when Duff’s unfairly long arm shot out from across the table, palm landing solidly against the back of the booth to box Kelly in.

“Oh I think the fuck not,” he stated firmly, a quick rumble of thunder sounding through the dirty window behind him. The dramatic motherfucker.

“Yeah, you’re not getting away that easily,” Tommy laughed as he and his bandmates dragged some chairs over to sit around the booth, adding another layer of defense to keep Kelly trapped, “Come on man, I wanna know more! Like, dude, if you’ve got a legit place, why aren’t you living there?”

Sighing in resignation, Kelly settled back in his seat and shrugged, “I dunno, I just like being closer to the action I guess,” he smirked, “It gets annoying having to drive twenty minutes just to get some pussy.”

“What, none of your fancy ass neighbors cut it?” Vince teased.

“I mean, there was one dude I used to hook up with, but that was in the… 30s I think? I dunno, all I know is he, like most of my neighbors, aren’t exactly at an age that can… keep up with me,” he winked mischievously as the group snickered.

Slash shook his head, “Dude, I get that, but personally I give fuck all about the age demographic, you’ve actually got a decent fucking roof, man!”

“I mean there’s the commute into the Strip, too, y’know?” Kelly argued.

“Oh no, how will I survive the commute?” Baz whined sarcastically, sticking his tongue out when Kelly flipped the teleporter off.

"It needs a lot of work," Kelly added. "Like weeds and shit and…"

"Dude, we have a gardener," Nikki motioned to Vince.

"And spiders?" Kelly pointed out.

"I'll feed them to my snake...that I most definitely do not have…" Slash's eyes darted to Stevie quickly before glancing away again.

"Can we at least see it?" Stevie asked. "You know how much I love decorating."

"Please no kiss posters in the living room," Mick groaned.

“Why do you hate art?” Stevie pouted jokingly.

Meanwhile, Kelly sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m not getting out of this one am I?”

A chorus of “no”s answered him.

Rolling his eyes, Kelly threw his hands up in defeat, “Fine, I guess I can show you around sometime this week. What’s the worst that could happen?”

At that moment, loud, ominous cracks of thunder and lightning rattled the windows behind them. The group snapped to look at Duff in exasperation. The blonde bassist merely shrugged.

“What? Am I wrong?”

#THE PLOT THICKENS #Guns n Roses #gnr #motley crue #Skid row #LA Guns #fem!Steven #duff mckagan #slash #izzy stradlin #axl rose #sebastian bach #kelly nickels #mick mars #Nikki Sixx #tommy lee #Vince Neil #my writing #other people's writing

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spockina · 4 years

Text

playin' games (with my heart)

ok, so. i wrote this for day 4 of buddie's first kiss week (which was on a dare). but the thing is: i hated it. the more i looked at it, the more i hated it. i don't know why. but it's friday night and i'm home alone in the middle of quarantine wishing i were, in fact, as drunk as most of these people are. this is not what i usually write, so i’m nervy, but here. have it anyway

title is from the bsb song w the same name. it doesn't have anything to do with the story but i hate having to figure out titles

3.5k words / truth or dare / read on ao3

The night is young, awfully so. Eddie doesn’t remember ever feeling this young, being this young.

Tonight, he is.

He’s got a drink in hand. He doesn’t know what it is, who put it there. But he’s got it, and he downs it in one fluid motion, enjoying the burn, and laughing to himself; it wasn’t even a shot.

He’s not entirely sure what brought them all here, if he’s being honest. Well, he knows. It was just dinner at Bobby and Athena’s, as they try to do at least once a month. What he means is: he’s not sure how they ended up having a party. It wasn’t supposed to be a party, if he remembers correctly. But suddenly, Harry was off to see his grandparents for the week, Denny had a sleepover and Karen’s mom wanted to have Nia for a little bit, Christopher begged to go to Pepa’s house where his cousins would be for the weekend. May has been in college for six months now, Maddie still has two months to go before the baby comes. It’s adults only.

It’s almost like they all forgot what that was supposed to feel like.

His vision is just a little bit blurry at the edges, his limbs loose in a way they haven’t been in a long time. He feels good, comfortable.

There’s some kind of pop music Eddie doesn’t know playing loudly, Athena, Bobby, Hen and Chimney are dancing in the middle of the living room, Maddie and Karen watching and laughing. Michael, his boyfriend, and Buck are in the middle of some intense conversation on the other side of the room.

Eddie loves them all.

The laughter that escapes his lips is directed at no one; there isn’t even anything funny happening, he’s just… feeling good. He hasn’t felt this good in a long time.

Buck sidles up to him, out of nowhere, offers him a beer. He takes it, nods his thanks.

“Whatcha laughing at?” He asks. “You look goofy.”

Eddie shrugs. “Don’t know, actually,” and that sets him off again.

“I think you’re drunk, buddy,” Buck says, but Eddie can tell he’s not that far behind. “‘M not judging!” Buck hurries to add. “Just pointing it out.”

They look at each other for a second, sipping their beers.

Buck’s cheeks are flushed, alcohol working hard against his white skin, making his eyes stand out. He’s beautiful. It’s not the first time the thought has crossed Eddie’s mind. It’s not the first time they’re drunk together, either, but Eddie always makes sure to stay in line, not let his thoughts wander. It’s a little harder when Buck has unbuttoned his black shirt and rolled up the sleeves, tight tank top under it, allowing Eddie to see the flush going down his neck and into his chest; his long legs in some tight pants that Eddie is pointedly not looking at. Eddie can feel Buck’s stare almost like a physical force pushing into his skin, and he has to look away for a second.

“Hey, yo!” Michael yells out, trying to be louder than the music. He fails at that, but succeeds at breaking the moment he was having with Buck, and Eddie’s thankful (and just a little sad about it). Michael still gets everyone’s attention even though the music is louder. “We should be playing party games.”

“Ooh, how ‘bout some truth or dare?” Athena suggests, and Eddie was not expecting that.

“If everyone promises no hard feelings, no matter what happens,” Bobby adds, always awfully reasonable.

“I suggest someone finds fun Bobby so we can play some party games!,” Buck yells back, and everyone cheers.

“Hey,” Eddie quips, “we’re all adults, huh? I’m sure we can work something out.”

“I’m extremely sober,” Maddie says, laughter in her voice, “and I promise you guys I’m gonna have so much fun!”

“As long as you’re happy, baby,” Chim says, and Eddie smiles, so big it hurts.

It feels good to let go, not to worry about Christopher, knowing he’s in good hands, and not to worry about Buck, because he can see him at all time. It feels good to watch his friends having fun, being reckless in a good way.

For the first time in a long, long while, Eddie feels no guilt. No guilt about having someone else taking care of Christopher, no guilt about having fun, being drunk, letting loose; no guilt about looking at Buck and thinking about how fucking hot he looks.

Buck has a tequila bottle in one hand, and a bunch of plastic shot glasses stacked in his other hand.

“Help me out here, Eddie, c’mon,” he says, handing Eddie the bottle, while he passes everyone the tiny cups. “Sorry, Maddie, you don’t get any. Sucks to be you.”

“Thanks, asshole, I’m pregnant.”

“Which is why you don’t get any!”

“Oh, I get plenty,” she says with a wink at Chim, teasing, and Buck scrunches up his face, yelling gross, Maddie!, and she laughs, throwing her head back, while Chim laughs on the other side of the room.

Eddie pours everyone a shot.

“Ok,” Buck says, “everyone ready? On three! One… Two… Three!”

They all drink, and in the end agree to play some Frankenstein’s monster of a game: truth or dare, choosing truth and refusing to answer means taking a shot; choosing dare and refusing to do it means taking two shots – Bobby declares he won’t be refusing anything, to which Athena replies: “Don’t worry, we’ll come up with something equally as humiliating for you”. Being an asshole means everyone can gang up on you. They’re all adults, all car keys have been confiscated. Nothing is off limits. Maddie gets to be the judge of everything.

“Playing sober while pregnant sucks, my friends,” she reasons and, well, she’s right.

They sit in a circle, because they’re mostly drunk and it’s fun. Athena, Bobby, Michael, his boyfriend, Chimney, Hen, Karen, Eddie and Buck.

Their knees are touching, and Eddie feel like a schoolboy, but he can’t concentrate on anything else besides that.

“Ok,” Maddie says. “Chimney’s starting because I’m the judge and I say so! Spin the bottle, baby!”

Chimney rubs his hands and spins. It lands on Hen.

“Henrietta, my love! Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

He smirks. “Who’s your best friend? Me or Athena?”

There’s a chorus of whoa going around, everyone laughing. Hen looks pained.

“No. No, I can’t, pass me that bottle,” she says, dejected, which only makes everyone laugh more.

Hen spins, then, and it lands on Michael.

“Dare,” he says, before she can even ask.

Hen smirks.

“I want you to give Bobby a kiss.”

Buck chokes on nothing, which makes everyone laugh. Eddie puts his hand on Buck’s knee, trying to steady him for a second.

Michael looks at his boyfriend, looks at Athena. Looks at Bobby. His boyfriend nods, playful smile on his lips.

“Go on, boys,” Athena says, a tone to her voice that no one can identify, but they sure can hear. She licks her lips.

Michael nods, goes on his knees. Athena taps Bobby on the knee, and he does the same. It’s mostly a non-kiss. They barely graze each other’s lips before they’re moving back, and Hen, Athena and Chim immediately start booing them.

“Man, y’all suck,” Athena says, but she’s laughing. Bobby’s blush is furious. Buck’s laughter is loud, which gets everyone going.

Michael spins, then. It lands on Karen.

“So?”

“Dare.”

“Give Hen a lap dance,” he says, and he looks incredibly pleased with himself.

“Damn,” Eddie says, and notices his hand is still on Buck’s thigh. He picks up his beer just for a reason to move his hand away, to quit being a creep.

“Whose phone is playing the music?” Karen asks, and she doesn’t look shy at all. She changes the song to something with a low bass, and when Hen sits on the chair, as they all turn to watch, she puts on a show.

“Damn, Karen, my girl!” Athena yells, as Michael wolf-whistles, and everyone laughs.

“God, babe, you’re good,” Hen says, and they kiss.

Everyone sits back down at their original spots.

“Michael, you just had the best idea,” Chim says. He sounds like he’s plotting something. Eddie has the feeling he doesn’t want to know.

Karen spins, and it lands on Chimney.

“Truth.”

“Ok.” Karen looks serious, takes a deep breath. “Chimney. Is it a boy or a girl?”

Everyone explodes in laughter. Maddie, above them on the couch, starts yelling:

“Overruled, overruled!”

“Sorry, Karen, guess I’ll have to take a shot.” He does.

“You’re all super funny,” Maddie says. “Ha-ha.”

Karen blows her a kiss.

“Ok, my turn,” Chim says, and spins. It lands on Eddie.

Chimney slips on a poker face immediately.

“Edmundo. Truth or dare?”

Eddie wants to say truth, he does.

“Dare.”

Chim smirks.

“I want you to sit tight through a lap dance. From Buck.”

Buck chokes. Again.

“How is that my dare?” Eddie asks, but he knows as soon as he says the words that it’s the wrong thing to say.

“You know why this dare is for you, Eddie,” Chimney replies, which. Fair. Everyone knows, probably. Eddie’s suddenly drunker than he’s ever been in his entire life.

Chaos descends. Everyone is laughing, or making some snarky remark Eddie is pointedly ignoring.

“Buck.” Bobby says, low in the middle of the noise, but Eddie still catches it. “Are you ok?”

He doesn’t reply. Instead, he grabs the tequila bottle and takes a shot, then another one.

“Alright, Eddie,” he says, “move your ass to the chair.” He turns to Athena, making grabby hands. “Phone.”

Suddenly, everyone’s quiet.

Eddie’s sitting on the chair, and Buck, already taller than him when they’re both standing up straight, is looming in front of him, looking impossibly tall, impossibly broad, impossibly big. Buck shouldn’t even be possible. Eddie is sure Buck is a fever dream he’s having; that’s the only possible explanation to this moment.

God, Eddie is so screwed.

The song starts, and it’s probably not what any of them expected, but it is, somehow, exactly something Buck would pull up.

He cracks his neck, looking down at Eddie. This is another person. This is another Buck, in an alternate universe, where he looks at Eddie like he wants to eat him whole. He’s so damn big.

He starts moving, and Eddie knows he isn’t the only one surprised by just how not gangly he is. He’s never gangly, in life, but Eddie wasn’t expecting him to be able to move his hips like that. He’s not looking at anyone, can’t possibly tear his eyes away from Buck’s body, but he knows everyone’s thinking the same.

Who is this man?

He moves, his hips swaying as he goes, until he’s behind Eddie. He goes down, his hands moving slowly from Eddie’s shoulders, down the length of his arms, and back up. He keeps going, until his hands are on both sides of Eddie’s head, and then he’s tipping it back, making Eddie look at him, upside down. He winks. Eddie’s breath catches. Oh, God.

He moves in front of Eddie again, and starts coming close. Eddie hopes he won’t come any closer, that’s dangerous, but of course Buck does. Of course, Buck pretty much sits on Eddie’s lap, moving his long legs on either side of Eddie’s. Of fucking course, Buck moves his hips. Never learned a thing about control, huh?

He takes Eddie’s hands, places them low on his belly, holding onto Eddie’s wrists, and makes them move up, up, up, until Eddie gets the memo and starts pushing Buck’s shirt off of his shoulders until it falls to the floor.

Somewhere, distant in Eddie’s mind, he thinks about the fact that he can’t hear shit save for the song, loud around them. Their friends are almost annoyingly quiet after all that noise. But, then again, Eddie gets it. Buck’s putting on a show.

And, frankly, the whole thing is going fine. Is Eddie currently sporting a hard-on while Buck is in his lap? Sure. But that was par for the course, right? That was exactly what Chimney was hoping would happen. So, yeah, Eddie is doing fine. He is.

Right until Buck sinks his head to Eddie’s neck and licks a wet, wet stripe up to his ear.

Eddie, who was being a good boy up until now and was keeping his hands to himself, is only human, and cannot help himself as his hands shot up to hold onto Buck’s thighs, hard.

The song ends. Buck stills where he is, and presses a kiss behind Eddie’s ear, where his face is still tucked against Eddie’s neck, and moves up slowly, giving Eddie a second to breath.

Hen’s the first to break.

“Holy shit, Buckaroo! Whew, I’m hot over here, baby, and I don’t even like whatchu got!”

Buck laughs, ducks his head, a blush spreading hard down his neck.

“How you holding up there, Eddie?” Chimney says, teasing, and Maddie throws a cushion at him. “Ow, babe!”

“Shut up, Chim,” she says. Eddie’s thankful.

The music goes back to whatever it was before, and Eddie moves back to his spot quick, grabbing Buck’s shirt of the floor, balling it up, and placing it on his lap. A guy has modesty. Chim won’t stop looking at him, a knowing smirk on his lips – but hey. It’s not like no one else was watching. Everyone knows. Whatever.

He takes a shot of tequila, just for good measure. Then he spins. It lands on Athena.

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth for a change, I guess; we need to stay alive.”

He laughs. “Ok. Tell us one thing Bobby would not like for you to tell us.”

Buck’s laughter is the only thing he can hear.

“Oh, Eddie, risky!”

Athena’s face is the look of mischief. “Sometimes my husband over here wants to wear socks to bed, if you catch my meaning,” she wiggles her eyebrows, looks around at everyone. “I don’t let him, of course.”

This just might be the loudest everyone’s laughed so far.

“Hey, I’m old, ok? A guy gets cold,” Bobby tries to go for nonchalant, but his cheeks are almost neon red.

“I’ll tell you guys,” Maddie starts, and Chimney immediately starts groaning. “Mr. Chimney has tried that once or twice on me. Stay strong, Athena!”

They laugh, and Athena spins. It lands on Eddie, but Maddie stops them.

“Nah, he just went, let the guy breathe. Spin again.”

It lands on Karen this time.

“Truth or dare, babe?”

“Truth.”

“Who’s your favorite? Michael or me?”

“You guys really need to quit the favorite thing,” Maddie complains from the couch, while Karen laughs.

“Nah, sis, Imma have a shot,” she says, and does.

She spins, and it lands on Buck.

“Alright, Buck! Truth or dare?”

Buck smirks. “Dare.”

Karen looks at Chimney. They smirk at each other.

“Brave, brave boy,” she says. “Take a shot, Buck.”

He looks confused. “Is that the dare?”

“Take the shot.”

He’s still confused, Eddie can see, but he does as he’s told.

“Good boy, Buck. Ready?”

“Yep,” he says, popping the p at the end.

“Seven minutes in heaven. You and Eddie.”

It’s Eddie’s turn to choke.

It feels as though someone hit the slow-motion button on the universe’s remote. He can feel his heart beating in his chest, can hear as everyone cheers and groans and laughs around them. When he’s able to focus again, Buck is already standing up and he’s offering one hand down to Eddie.

Taking it is both the easiest and riskiest thing Eddie could do tonight.

This has to be a fever dream, right? There’s no way this is happening to Eddie. They’re all adults. All drunk out of their minds, playing a stupid game of truth or dare. There’s no way this is happening.

But, hey. If this is a fever dream, then might as well take the chance while he has it. If he’s hallucinating, then there’ll be no consequences.

He takes Buck’s hand.

Karen and Chimney high five.

Eddie can hear as Athena yells “just go in the bathroom”, but Buck was already one step ahead of her. He locks the door and turns off the light, as dictate seven minutes in heaven rules.

They’re quiet, but they’re breathing heavy. Eddie has his back against the wall, and he’s reminded, yet again, of just how damn big Buck is, especially when he’s all up in Eddie’s space like this, when his hands are bracketing Eddie’s head, keeping him in place.

“Hi,” Buck says, and Eddie can hear the smile in his voice.

“Hi,” he replies, and he hates how breathless he sounds, but the only thing he can think of is the time they’re wasting. Seven minutes. Maybe the only seven minutes with Buck he’ll ever get. The clock is ticking.

“Is it ok, Eddie? We don’t have to do this.” He sounds careful, and Eddie hates it. He hates it when Buck’s careful with him, but what he hates more is the hesitation; hates that maybe Buck doesn’t want this, and that they’ve been forced into this situation by their pushy friends. He feels suddenly sober and he doesn’t like it.

“We don’t have to, Buck. It’s fine if you don’t want to. We’ll be fine.” He can’t help how dry his voice goes, how he sounds like he just lost something. He feels like he has.

There’s a pause. He can feel Buck moving, and suddenly there are big (thick, strong) hands around his jaw and cheeks, and Buck’s entire body is pressed against his, hot like a furnace.

“Oh, Eddie, I want it.”

And then he’s kissing Eddie, hard, his tongue pushing its way into Eddie’s mouth like it has a right to it, and, boy, Eddie is drunk.

Buck keeps his relentless assault on Eddie’s mouth as his hands move down, one settling on Eddie’s waist, and another going lower to grab a handful of his thigh, and Eddie, well. He’d be embarrassed, in any other circumstances, but right now all he can do is let out a small groan that still makes its way out despite their kiss, and Buck pulls away for a minute to laugh. Eddie is about to protest, except that Buck latches onto his neck next, and oh, oh, my God, this is embarrassing, but Eddie is painfully hard in his pants.

He moves one of his hands up where he can’t get a good tangle in Buck’s hair, because it’s so short (and ain’t that a shame?), but he can scrape his short nails against Buck’s scalp and the back of his neck. He learns that that does something, because Buck’s roughly shoving a leg in between Eddie’s, and suddenly there’s the amazing friction that Eddie so desperately wanted. He croaks out a broken get back up here, because he needs Buck’s tongue against his again, right now, or else he’s pretty sure he’s going to die.

He feels like the teenager he never really had the time to be. It’s intoxicating.

Buck’s hands are inside his shirt, moving up so, so slowly, when there’s a knock on the door and the spell breaks.

“Fuck,” Buck says, so heartfelt that it makes Eddie snort.

“Time’s up, boys,” Bobby says on the other side.

Buck squeezes his waist.

“Be right there,” he rasps out, and he sounds good.

Eddie knows he’ll never recover from this.

“We’re finishing this later, right?” Buck asks, and he sounds hopeful. Eddie knows this is their make-or-break moment.

“Come sleep over,” Eddie says, and before he can think, Buck’s kissing him again, hard, happy, smiling against Eddie’s lips.

“Every night, Eddie.” Another kiss. “Every night.”

They stumble out of the bathroom, shielding their eyes from the lights after the darkness inside. Everyone’s quiet for a moment, until Chim says:

“Damn, Eddie, sure you guys were making out and not that Buck was punching you on the neck?”

They all start laughing, and Eddie knows he’s blushing, but Buck hugs him, hiding his face in Eddie’s neck, as he says I’m sorry, and Eddie decides he doesn’t care. He starts laughing with them, because, really, this whole thing is ridiculous. He moves his hands inside Buck’s shirt, moving them up Buck’s back, and holding on tight.

Eddie feels distant, content to be hiding behind Buck’s body, drunk on the alcohol, but also on the smell of him, and nothing matters, until he hears Athena say:

“Does this mean the game is done?”

“The two of you suck!” Hen says, but she’s laughing.

“They sure will,” Chim adds, to which Eddie has to laugh.

“Congrats, Chim, that’s the first joke!” Buck says, muffled against Eddie, but somehow it still makes its way out and everyone laughs.

Maddie gets up from the couch. “Alright, let’s just go back to everyone having fun,” she says.

And they do.

#buddie #buddie fanfic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fanfic #911 on fox #truth or dare #seven minutes in heaven #all the fire fam is there #all canonical relationships are also there #ok i'm nervy here goes nothing #my words

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jack-the-bear · 3 years

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Black Widow Review

Beware, spoilers ahead! Continue reading under the cut

Black Widow was the first Marvel movie I saw in theaters, crazy, innit? I came into the theater nearly bouncing with excitement and with high expectations. Were my expectations dashed? Not quite. Was the movie good? Kind of. Was the movie bad? ...Kind of. Let me make some bullet points to expand on this.

1) The Plot - X

The plot.... wasn't great. There was minimal plot and most of it consisted of stuff we already knew from previous movies. I mean, it wasn't all that hard to figure out Black Widow's grisly past. Marvel did an excellent job at giving their viewers just enough morsels of info regarding her past so we could fill in the blanks. The plot of this movie was nothing new, just showing us what we already knew.

2) The Characters - X

There was minimal character development in this movie. Circling back to point #1, we weren't introduced to anything new in this movie (well, Yelena was new, but that's about it). We already knew about Black Widow's past and we already knew where she ended up. There was no room for any significant character development. Yelena might have had more character development than her sister, who was supposed to be the focus of the film (I saw this movie three days ago so I'm not fully certain I'm remembering Yelena's development correctly. Forgive me if I am wrong).

Don't get me started on Alexi. His character was all over the place. I'm not sure if the writers wanted him to be a conflicted man looking to save his fake family or if they simply had no idea what direction to take his character, but whatever they were going for with him, they failed miserably. One moment he was the hardened Soviet Super Soldier who's a completely self-absorbed jerk with no apparent care for his two "daughters," and the next he's trying to reconnect with them like a desperate father looking to reconcile his wrongs. The execution was borderline ridiculous.

And Melina? Yeah, she's a good guy now who deprived her pig of oxygen to prove a point. Yay?

3) Winter Soldier.... But not Winter Soldier - X

The Taskmaster was an interesting character, but not in a good way. The first scene she was in was a blatant ripoff of the Winter Soldier scene. Even down to the character's gait. I guess the directors knew it worked in Winter Soldier (seriously, that movie built tension expertly) and figured it would work in this movie too? But something was lost in translation and it.... well, it did not work. At all. There were a few other scenes that were blatant ripoffs of Winter Soldier, but I think the Taskmaster's opening scene was the most obvious.

4) Did Natasha Take the Super Soldier Serum? - X

Seriously, in this movie she's indestructible. Falling off of buildings and onto other objects to finally land on the ground? Only to get up and run around later like nothing happened? Dude, that fall straight up killed another Widow (yes, she was forced to shoot herself but if she didn't she still would've died. You could pretty much tell based off of the actor's cues that the character was slowly dying anyway). How many other times did she experience long falls onto hard objects, clinging onto the side of planes/helicopters/airships, relentless fights that should've splayed her out like ketchup, and how many car crashes? Actually, cars exploding with her inside? One of the reasons why I liked Black Widow's character so much was because she was not indestructible. She was fully human, with no enhancements, just her training. This movie kind of destroyed that. She acted like a Super Soldier.

5) The Tone of the Movie - X

The tone of this movie was all over the place. I can't decide if the writers didn't know what exactly they wanted the movie to be, or if they tried a little too hard to balance the darkness of this movie through comical scenes. I honestly think this is one of the, if not the darkest movie in the MCU to date. It's very similar to Winter Soldier which was a very dark movie in its own right, but this movie dealt with kids experiencing nearly the same trauma as Bucky and the other Winter Soldiers. Kids being experimented on, kids experiencing MK Ultra-Esque torment to become Widows. And child trafficking and sexual assault were strongly implied throughout the movie. Very, very dark topics. I have a sneaking suspicion the creative team realized this and tried to balance it out with some humor - which by all means was funny most of the time - but their execution was poor. In trying to alleviate some of the intense darkness surrounding this movie they created very jarring tone shifts that left the viewer wondering what just happened.

6) The Action Scenes - ✅

The one thing this movie had going for it, and the reason why I plan on seeing it again in theaters, is the action scenes. The stunt team did an incredible job. This is one of those movies that reminded me why I wanted to go into stunts so desperately. The car chase scenes, the motorcycle stunts, the wirework, and the fight scenes were all very technical and well-shot. I was especially impressed with the camerawork during several of the fight scenes. The camera lingered just long enough in key areas during most of the fights and the transitions to different angles were seamless. And can I just say, seamless transitions are hard to pull off during a fight with so many moving parts. But, that's another post for another time. Now, I'm not saying that this movie has the best stunts and fights in the MCU, but they are very good.

#black widow #scarlett johansson #marvel #marvel mcu #david harbour #black widow review #black widow 2021 #black widow spoilers #black widow 2021 review #movie analysis #black widow movie #natasha romanoff

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writers-blogck · 4 years

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BNHA Imagines - MAIN 01

Meeting for the First Time

Izuku Midoriya:

How you met Izuku for the first time was not the first time you had seen him. He had never seen you before the day you stood in front of the entire class though. He had never seen you before but you had already memorized his face by then. Pictures of him and his classmates filled the screen when your brother would talk to you about your mission. The clip of the boy fighting the sludge monster would play over and over, his brave act immortalized in codes of ones and zeroes.

Study his movements, your brother would say, learn what you can. Your older brother was none other than Shigaraki, the self-proclaimed leader of the League of Villains. Shigaraki would make you watch those videos because he thought you would grow to hate him. You would never admit it but the videos did the opposite. He was such a hero, bravery running through his veins like blood. Dreams filled your mind of him saving you from the League and taking you far away. You weren't made to be a villain, you hated to see the fear in people's faces before you used your quirk on them. Your older brother raised you to use your quirks on others your entire life. Like your brother, your five fingertips must be touching the person for it to work but you didn't disintegrate them. Instead, you rummaged through their brain and made them forget memories. On the rare occasion when you used your quirk at full power, you could manipulate memories instead of simply making the person forget. It wouldn't be as bad if that was it but your quirk came with a drawback. Any memories that you erased were instead placed in your mind. You had memories of a father who you had to take away the memories of his precious baby girl. You often erased memories so people forgot they ever saw the Leauge, giving you the memories of the torture they had endured. Your mind was filled with more memories of others than it was of your own. As you stood at the front of class 1-A, your eyes couldn't help but drift to the green eyes you had only ever seen through a screen. The smile that he gave you made your heartbreak. He didn't know why you were here. He didn't know you were a spy for Shigaraki. If he did, he wouldn't be smiling at you like that. You wanted his smile to be real but you knew it would be gone if he knew the real you. He would only ever come to know this fake presented to him.

Bakugo Katsuki:

When the first assessment was done, you were not excited. You had been placed in U.A. by recommendation from Ms.Joke and you were sure she had pulled some strings to get you in 1-A. She knew how powerful your quirk actually was and how you could become a great pro-hero with some training. The issue was that your quirk didn't help with any test given to you. Your basic skills and dexterity allowed you to do well for someone who didn't wasn't using their quirk. You burned with shame at the mutterings of the boy who had gotten third, Bakugo Katsuki. "She didn't even use her quirk at all," He spoke to the red-haired boy who you hadn't learned the name of yet, "How did she even make it into 1-A, to begin with? I bet her parents paid for her way in, she didn't make it through the exams. She couldn't have." Anger bubbled within you, hands clenched by your side. How dare he say that? It wasn't true that you hadn't used your quirk during the tests but that meant nothing. He should just keep his dumb spikey hair out of everyone's business. Why did he think he had the right to judge everyone? You had heard him talking bad about Deku earlier and now he was messing with you? Deku may not stand up for himself but you sure as hell wouldn't let yourself be walked over. Your eyes met with Aizawa's, a look was shared between the two of you. Ms.Joke had informed him about you and your quirk, which may be why he was going easy on you with the chiding during the assessment. He understood that all of these tests weren't made for a quirk like yours. The man looked over at Bakugo before looking back at you, giving you a slight nod. That was enough for you to march up to the boy who turned his fiery gaze on you. "You really should just shut up about other people," You growled out, not flinching at the sneer on his lips. "And why should I? I'm the best so I'm allowed to judge sidekicks and extras like you." "The best? Well, I don't think the best would have gotten third." The class slowly went silent as the tension built up between the two of you, but Aizawa stayed back. The boy took a threatening step towards you, standing up taller to try to tower over you. Yet you didn't move as you kept your gaze locked on his. You weren't going to back down from this, you had to make your point obvious. "You better watch your mouth." "Or what? Gonna blow me up with those sweaty hands of yours?" The growl that came out of him signaled that you may not have done the best thing, but you weren't going to back down. You would just prove that he was right if you did. When your gaze didn't waver, he brought his hand up with a smug grin. This would surely make you realize how weak you were. A few loud explosions popped by your face though it wasn't close enough to hit. He wanted to scare you but you had other plans. Your hand shot up and grabbed your wrist tightly. A burning pain shot down your arm as the explosions hit your skin but you didn't flinch. Pain had been a part of your life ever since you were born. It would be hard for it not to due to your quirk. With a simple use of your quirk, the boy backed away with a groan of pain. The hand that had done the exploding shot to grasp his other hand in pain. When his red eyes met yours again, you flexed your uninjured hand with a triumphant smirk. "Wound transfer, it isn't just for healing you know."

Todoroki Shouto:

Neither of you remembered the first time the two of you met. You both believed that you had never seen each other before the first time in class 1-A, but Aizawa knew the truth. He could remember in the past when he had to take you to one of his meetings. He tried to keep you out of the hero's world but when your parents both died and left you with your uncle, he had no chose at some moments. He wasn't going to leave you alone. This meeting just so happened to be where Endeavor had brought his youngest son, Shouto, as well. The little boy was polite, too polite. Aizawa could tell Endeavor didn't raise the boy correctly. When Aizawa chided the man, he was left with a threat to Endeavor that if he ever dared to try anything with you, he would be left a puddle of goo. Out of the two of you, you were the most outgoing and confident one. Your parents had raised you to try to be the best and you planned on trying your best in everything that you did. This included making friends. Your chubby hand held onto Todoroki's as you led him to the playground while the adults kept talking. You had been here a lot but it was obvious even to your tiny brain that it wasn't normal for Todoroki. The two of you played together, mainly consisting of you dragging Shouto to do something and teaching him about it. Even when you scraped your knee, you just got back up and went to playing. Such a simple action and yet he would hold onto it for years to come. You got hurt but that didn't make you stop. You kept going despite the pain. He would remember it subconsciously for the rest of his life. When both of you were thoroughly tired, you hunkered down behind the rock climbing wall in the shade. Two children, so different yet so close for just that day. Shouto in proper clothes with the timidness of a mouse next to you in your dirty clothes who wanted to be friends with any stranger you saw. The two of you would end up being raised very differently and when you reached high school, the two of you would both be completely different from the kids that were on that playground that day. "Do you think I can be a hero? Mommy doesn't like my fireside. She says it is too much like my dad," Shouto spoke quietly as he looked up at the blue sky. "Anyone can be a hero! You will make a super cool hero!" Ten years later, you would meet again and both be on the way to fulfilling that promise.

Kirishima Ejiro:

Your mother called you special and unique but you just thought you were broken. All the students at your school pushed you around with your quirks, knowing that you couldn't do anything to them. You were one of the rare quirkless people. A kid who would amount to nothing in their life. Why would someone hire you when someone with a quirk could do it so much better? On the worst days, they would tell you that you weren't worth living. Most of the time it didn't bother you but there were the few days where it hit hard. "Maybe you could be professional bait!" One of the boys said, shoving you roughly. All you did was keep walking, ignoring all of the tauntings that they tossed in your direction. It wasn't like you hadn't heard them all before. They may be mean but they weren't the sharpest in the toolshed. Not very creative either but man, did they know how to use their quirks. Holding your notebook closer to your chest, you sped up your pace. All you needed to do was get home and then you would be safe from all of this. You tried to focus on the steps you were taking and just getting home but those thoughts were quickly shattered when the tallest boy grabbed you by your forearm. He roughly spun you around to face him, fire in his eyes. "You should look at someone when they are talking to you." The hold on your upper arm began to vibrate, the boy threatening to use his quirk on you. It wouldn't be the first time. His quirk allowed him to speed up his movements and he had learned that if he did it while holding someone's arm, the victim would receive a rather harsh rug burn. It hurt like hell but you couldn't do anything to fight back or your father would get angry. He was the police chief and said that any fight you got into, whether defensive or not, would look bad on his part. As you opened your mouth to speak, the boy instead was shoved away. A red-headed boy had marched over while you were lost in your thoughts, eyes narrowed and fists raised. What caught your eyes the most was his uniform. It was the unmistakable outfit of the U.A., this boy was training to be a hero! It seemed like your bullies had noticed the uniform as well due to the steps that they took back. You couldn't help but let your heart swell with the tall boy in front of you. This was the first time anyone had stepped in. "Hey, it isn't a very manly thing to mess with a girl!" He said with a raised voice, giving you the first glance of his sharp teeth. With a grumble and mumbling, the boys simply shot you a dirty look before walking off. That had been the first time they left you alone without there being injuries on your body. You thought they weren't scared of anything but they scurried off when the red-head scolded them. You wanted to thank him but the words got stuck in your throat when he turned to face you for the first time. His head was ridiculously spiked up, shooting up as if trying to touch the sky. His eyes were the same color of his hair, red with hints of brown. You knew it had to be rare for the same color of his hair to be his eyes. Perhaps he dyed his hair...Yet your eyes couldn't leave his face. His grin put the sun to shame and his eyes sparkled with happiness that you didn't even know existed. Time stood still just like a movie. You could almost hear the romantic music starting as the camera began to zoom in. Your fantasies were interrupted when he began to speak. "Want me to walk you home?" This boy was going to be the death of you.

Kaminari Denki:

No one ever believed you when you told them what your quirk was. It didn't show up physically like many other quirks but you still managed to get into 1-A. Even when your quirk was in use, some people still wouldn't notice it until you explained it to them. You didn't blame them, luck never seemed like it could be a quirk. How could it be when it wasn't even an action? It was fate that decided that kind of stuff. A quirk couldn't change the actions of others, yet, yours did. How it happened, you weren't sure but you knew it was there. In your life, you had been in many unlucky situations before. A car speeding past a red light, a man trying to push you onto the train's tracks, and dropping a pot of boiling water had all happened to you. Your quirk had saved you each time; the car missed you by an inch, your bag's straps stuck on one of the poles which kept you from falling, and the pot landed perfectly so none of the water spilled out. At first, you thought you were just a lucky person but when you went to the doctor's, they informed you that it was due to your quirk. It was a rare strand of quirk, one that had a single user before generation. You knew it was that rarity that got you into class 1-A. Everything and everyone around you seemed so much stronger and deserved more than you. You hadn't even wanted to be here, the idea of being a hero didn't interest you. Yet, everyone had told you how selfish you were being if you didn't pursue a career as a hero. A waste of a quirk. That was the only reason you were here, so they would stop telling you that. Maybe you would learn to either accept it or perhaps even want to be a hero as time passed. But for now, you would simply be getting by. This was school, that was it. You were walking into the lunchroom, a few minutes late due to Aizawa needing to ask you a few questions. You had not expected a fight to break out just as you were walking in. It was too hard to hear what they were yelling about but it soon devolved into physical violence, the main two attacking each other but the students around them were getting pulled into it as they were shoved around. One girl was shoved back, the tray she had her food on flying into the air. Instinctively, you pulled your hands up to cover your face. The food was thrown in your direction and many of the other students around you copied your actions. Two hands gripped your shoulders and shoved you back just a few steps, though they kept their hold on you to keep you from falling. Your eyes fluttered open to be greeted with the most bright blonde hair you had ever seen. Slowly, your eyes moved down to see the dopiest grin but quickly your attention was drawn to the rice that was covering the boy. "Man, this isn't how I thought today would go," A laugh flipped past his lips as casually as if there wasn't anything strange about this situation, "But at least I got to help a cute girl!"

Tenya Iida:

You and Iida had known each other for as long as you had lived. Your parents worked with his and since you both were born only months apart, the two of you often played together in the daycare set up at the building. Since most of the other heroes didn't have any children, it wasn't rare for it to simply be the two of you to be the only kids in that daycare. But neither of you cared since you always had each other. This type of mindset only continued until you reached the teenage years. Somehow both of you made it into U.A., as well as both being in 1-A. It seemed like a miracle! The two of you were walking next to each other on the first day, each with very different reactions. Iida was rather anxious and overthinking everything like he always did while you had a simple smile on your face. Your personalities were complete opposites. He thought plans over too much while you simply jumped into things without having a plan. You both kept each other balanced perfectly. "Iida, just calm down. We already are in the top class rank, everything should be easy, breezy, and beautiful from here on out." You spoke as you walked, hands clasped behind your back. "That most definitely isn't the truth. Because we are in the top class, we need to try our hardest to be the best. We will be up against all of those others who did just as well as us. We need to make sure that we keep up with them. If we fall behind, people will look down on us." You couldn't help but roll your eyes at his words. Yet, you kept your mouth shut, you knew how he could get. Your mind just simply didn't work as his did, you learned to try your best to understand and relate to his words. "Well, we can work that hard together. We got here for a reason which means we are good enough to be here. We will be just as good when we are in class." You shoved his side gently, a kind smile on your face. The boy simply shook his head at your words, going off on another tangent. This was normal and you wouldn't want it any other way. His mind may move as fast as his legs but that was just how he was. He accepted how you were, which meant it was only fair for you to accept him as well.

Tokoyami Fumikage:

The first time you saw Tokoyami was at the Sport's Festival. His power was amazing! It was nothing like you had seen before and your mind swarmed with questions. His quirk was so different. It wasn't a power, it was more like another person! Would your own quirk work on it? Or would it work with just the boy himself? These questions pushed you to find him after his match. Sure, he lost but that didn't mean anything. Everyone but one person was going to lose so in your mind, he should just be proud that he made it so far! When you found him, he was alone in one of the hallways with his head in his hands. He didn't look upset, no, that wasn't it. It looked more like he had a headache or something. Perhaps that was why he was here instead of back up in the bleachers. Either way, it didn't matter to you. While you didn't want to bother him if he wasn't feeling good, you knew that this was your one chance. Being in General Studies meant you didn't see the people of 1-A that much. "Excuse me," You spoke softly which caused him to look up, red eyes slightly narrowed as he took in your appearance, "I'm sorry if I bothered you. I just wanted to congratulate you! You were so cool! I've never seen a quirk like yours! It is no surprise that you're in class 1-A!" It took the boy a second to take everything in. The two of you must have looked strange next to each other due to him having a rather dark aesthetic while you were much more like Uraraka with your choice of fashion. You preferred lighter colors or just colors in general. You felt like you were bored or sad when you just wore black or white. You always tried to have some color in your outfits. "Thank you..." His voice was deep and quiet, though that wasn't shocking. It fit his appearance so well. "I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions...If you'd like, we can go up and watch the rest of the festival together!" Your smile made his heart skip, both in how uncomfortable he was and how flustered he was. He wasn't used to people like you speaking to him. Normally people left him alone, saying he looked too intimidating to approach. He had planned to say no when Dark Shadow grumbled in his head. Of course, Dark Shadow didn't want to be near you. Perhaps that was why he ended up agreeing with your offer and following you back up to the bleachers. He had no idea that he would actually enjoy being around you. His dark heart seemed to crack a bit, allowing just enough light in for him to be able to deal with being around you.

Uraraka Ochaco:

The first time you met, your attention wasn't on her. The trio had been walking down the sidewalk when someone in a middle school uniform seemed to just appear out of nowhere. One moment there was no one in front of them and then a blur of a person appeared. Deku and Uraraka seemed to be taken aback but Iida stayed in his spot. His sharp eyebrows narrowed as he stared at the newcomer. If Uraraka had to guess, this person could only be a year or two under the rest of the group. Most likely a year, perhaps with some change. The girl was brought out of her thoughts as the person began to speak almost as fast as they seemed to appear. "Tenya! How was your first day? Mine was good but I know it must be nothing when compared to yours. I mean, you are attending U.A! I can't believe it, well I can, but I still am super excited! I knew you would make it, you're really smart. Though sometimes you can be too strict and follow the rules too much...Anyway, how was your day? I want to know it all! Oh, who are these people?" "(Y/N)..." Iida grumbled softly under his breath, obviously annoyed by your actions. He had gotten used to his "We're his friends...We met him today," Deku offered as Iida seemed to collect himself. Who was this person? How did they know Iida? It shouldn't be hard to figure it out, yet Deku Uraraka's minds were spinning with the greeting. "Friends?! Oh, that's awesome! I was really worried he wouldn't make friends just because he can be so strict and serious all the time. He really is cool once you get passed all his guidelines and boring rants. He's my big brother, by the way. I'm (Y/N), youngest of the Iida family. I tend to be kept out of most of the press stuff so I wouldn't be surprised if you never heard of me. Our eldest brother is the one most people know about." "Strangely though, as the youngest, they seem to have the most extreme strand of our quirk." Iida explained, letting out a breath before looking back over to you, "Have you eaten yet? Since you got off school?" The two were confused by his words. Since you had gotten off school? Almost all of the schools in the area only got off less than ten minutes ago. If he had said all day or since lunch, that would make more sense. Instead, he specified since leaving school. Uraraka's eyes scanned you, taking in your rather thin yet toned appearance. Did you have an illness? Anorexic? She would hate to assume and end up offending either you or Iida. She never wanted to unintentionally hurt someone. "No...I was just planning on waiting until I got back home." The duo watched as Iida rummaged in his school bag for a few moments before finding the object of his desire. A granola bar? Iida must be the overprotective type if he was that worried about getting you something to eat. Uraraka didn't understand why you couldn't wait until you got home to eat. She did that a lot and even then, she skipped some meals due to money issues. She knew personally people can go a while without eating. Still, Iida handed you the bar which you gratefully began to unwrap. "Is she alright?" Deku asked softly, hoping the words only were heard by Iida. "Yes, now she is. As I stated, they seem to have gotten an almost overabundance of whatever gene gives us our speed. They don't have the same leg formations as myself or my brother, instead, it seems that their engine, if you would like to use that word, resides somewhere inside of them. They are unable to stop moving without being in discomfort. Due to this, they lose a lot of energy and need to be refueling most of the day. Think of a Hummingbird and their wings. Any bird works. They need to eat more." For the first time, Uraraka noticed that even as you were standing, your right leg was bouncing up and down at an extreme speed. "Come now, let's get home. I'll see you two tomorrow." With a curt nod, Iida nudged you in the direction of home. Your eyes quickly went from him back to his friends, waving happily before turning back around and beginning a new conversation with your brother. The two left behind were still dazed from the strange encounter but both shared one thought. They would like to meet you again. It didn't hurt that you were pretty cute too.

Mina Ashido:

Living with one of the top heroes wasn't as hard as some people would believe. Being related to one was an entirely different story. It wasn't hard to deduce who your brother was with the white wings extending from your back. You wished it wasn't so obvious. It was annoying how often you were stopped on the streets for someone to end up just asking who your brother was. No matter what you did, you lived in Hawks shadow. Sure you were younger but it would be nice for someone to try to get to know you for you and not just to get close to your brother. So many teen girls had tried that. Luckily, you learned how to sniff them out after the first two times. What no one ever acknowledged was that you were an up and coming hero yourself. Even though you were still a teenager yourself going to highschool, you had made a name for yourself as a hero named Angel. The name hadn't been your idea, the media named the mysterious vigilante that without knowing who they were. Unlike your brother, your wings were able to retract into your back; the only hint they had been there in the first place was the two long scars on your shoulder blades. This allowed you to go to school as (Y/N) during the day and fight crime as Angel at night. Walking back to the apartment you shared with your brother, your wings sagged. It had been a tough fight tonight and your left-wing had gotten torn up pretty badly. Nothing time and bandages wouldn't fix. Hawks wouldn't be home since he was on patrol tonight so you would be able to deal with the wounds without interruption. You kept on a tight schedule, only allowing yourself to go out at night when you knew Hawks wouldn't be home to notice you missing. "Oh my God! It's the Angel!" Your wings instinctively puffed out causing a sharp and hot pain to shoot down to the tips of your fingers. Hands gripping the two daggers you used, you turned to see who had just noticed you. Another villain? It didn't sound like it but one could never be sure these days. You had heard of a villain named Toga who looked like nothing more than a cute young girl. Looks deceived and you had learned that early on. "What do you want?" You growled out, attempting to sound in power. You wanted villains to fear you but with the body of a teenager, it was hard. Instead of some street thug or villain, a girl with pink skin stood under a street light. Her eyes stood out to you with dots of yellow in a black sea. She definitely wouldn't be able to hide with an alter ego when she looked like that. Your eyes took in her uniform, a U.A. one. One to the school Hawks had made you apply to just a few weeks ago. He got a strong interest in your attendance, even giving a recommendation. He didn't care when the school year started so why now? You were beginning to wonder if you weren't keeping your night escapades as secret as you thought. "Whoa, whoa! Sorry, I don't mean any harm or anything! I just was taken aback to see you, I mean, you seem like a myth with how the papers are telling the story." Her voice hinted to no violence, allowing you to sheath your weapons once again. Your wings pulled back and while one was able to return inside of you, the other was limp and extended. "Are you hurt?" She asked softly, taking a few steps to get a closer look at you. With your mask on, you knew she wouldn't be able to know who you were and yet you couldn't help but flinch ever so slightly. She must have noticed this because she stopped when there was just a few feet in between the two of you, not coming any closer. "Let me walk you home at least. I promise I won't tell anyone, hero's promise. Well, a hero in training at least." When you looked back at that moment, you knew the only reason you agreed was due to the flutter her smile brought to your stomach.

Tsuyu Asui:

How had Tsuyu gotten herself into this predicament? She was back in her dorm room with what looked like a squirrel person. They had a large bushy tail and cute ears but it wasn't only in the look that they resembled squirrels. When she had seen them initially, she had witnessed them climbing trees and jumping from branch to branch without any issues. The girl had meant to go for a simple walk through the forest, that was all it was supposed to be. It was not supposed to end with her taking in some feral person because some villains were messing with them. She could have just helped and left it at that. Yet, with those eyes, she couldn't seem to leave them there. Something seemed wrong with them like they weren't used to how the world worked. "So, can you speak Japanese? Or anything really?" Tsuyu asked, catching their attention from the ribbon they had been toying with. All she got back was a vacant stare and a tilt of the head. Of course, they couldn't speak or write, this just had to be even harder. What was she going to do? She couldn't just hide an entire person in her room forever. Yet, what were the other options? She couldn't just take them back to the forest, it was dangerous. That man could be out there still. "Great..." She set her head in her hands, trying to keep the stress from getting to her too much. "Great!" They repeated with a large smile. Tsuyu knew they didn't understand the language but at least it seemed like there would be the promise of teaching them it. Tsuyu had never been good at teaching but this couldn't be that hard, right? She just had to get some baby books to start with. They could go from there about other stuff. Maybe they knew more than they could let on. "Oh...." She groaned as she leaned back, "I wonder how long until Aizawa figures out what I did."

Jiro Kyoka:

The first day of school, stressful as always. You hated trying to find your way around a new school and it was only increased when that school was U.A.! Upperclassmen were so much more threatening then they had been in any of your past school experience. They all were training to be heroes in one way or another. It was intimidating and a bit flustering at the same time. One boy had phased out of his clothes when he went through a wall halfway to talk to someone on the other side. You had no expected to see someone naked on your first day! Lunch always was the worst. During class, you were placed in a seat and didn't have to pick anything. Luckily you had made friends with a boy in your class, 1-B. No one seemed to be that trustful of him due to his quirk which they labeled as dangerous and villainous. Shinso walked with you "So, where are we going to sit?" His voice brought you out of your thoughts, the loud chattering on the cafeteria coming back to your ears. You nodded and began to walk, knowing the boy was following behind you. He was letting you pick...Why did he have to let you pick?! Your eyes scanned the large crowds, not sure where to sit. How could so many people go to one school and eat all at one time? This seemed to be a bad plan in case of an emergency. Some of your classmates were sitting together but you noticed there were no seats left. There were a few tables with one spot left but you didn't want to separate from your purple friend. He was the only person you had talked to. If you lost him, then you truly would know no one that you sat with. Your hands tightened on your tray as panic set in. You hated having to choose...Just as your chest began to feel like it was being tightened in a vice, a voice like an angel rang out. "Hey, need a place to sit?" It was a girl with short purple hair, darker than Shinso's. It bordered almost on black but next to the bird boy she was sitting by, it was easier to see the difference. It took you no less than three seconds to thank her and sit down. Shinso simply sat down next to you with that tired look on his face. You were surrounded by what you would call goth kids but you wouldn't ask for anything else. This was a miracle in your eyes, even if you didn't seem to fit into the group's aesthetic.

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trying-write-fanfics · 4 years

Text

Shouji Mezo X Reader Remember part 11

It was another week Y/n was forced to stay home from school. Alone to do her homework by herself. She was adjusting to the lack of social interaction from being home this much. Then she saw someone trying to sneak onto the property through the courtyard. They had climbed the fence and used the bushes to hide, but from what. Y/n watched through her window as the teen made his way to her porch. Instead of calling the cops, she wanted to know what was up before jumping to her own conclusions. Through the window she found him putting something in the mail basket. Bursting the window open she made her young self known.

“What type of mailman are you? Like a ninja?”

“Who the hell are you?” The teen asked rather nervously.

“The current head of this house.”

“No you’re not.” The teenager said.

“Who says I live here.” Y/n told him.

“You’re a kid.”

“I’m 18.” She was not.

“I don’t think you are.” He told her.

“I don’t have to be an adult for you to not tell me what you’re doing on my property.” She said climbing out of the windows in bright pink and blue pajamas.

Nervous the teenager broke down. Robert Dallas was the boys name. He worked with the local gang and shocker Dr(last name) has a thing for a special white powder. A shipment failed to get to her place of business and since it was too risky to deliver it correctly there, the plan was to have someone expendable deliver it to the house. He was told no one would be there. Though Y/n was young, she knew her mother had certain needs that she did not question. She was interested to see more of another human being, so she asked him to come back whenever he wanted to. And then the weirdest thing happened, her mother came home. They had dinner, they went shopping, it was a fun day. And then Dallas came back and kept coming back. He told her stories of what he did and she was utterly amazed. Not just about crimes, but the fact that he could just go anywhere he wanted to. He was her symbol of freedom. Bound to do hard tasks, but afterwards he got to go where he wanted, talk to whoever, and could just experience life.

An idea grew, what if he chaperoned her to the outside world? He took her to underground fights, which inspired her. She once saw someone just touch another human being and they exploded in blood. It did put a damper on the inspiration, but it was an important lesson. Their activities festered in becoming worse for their record. From watching to fights, so training her to accompany them on robberies. She didn’t commit them, but she helped with the escape route. Sometimes she would let a police officer or hero hurt her during the chase to be a distraction, or she would use her quirk for the side effect. Pushing someone and they cough up blood is big distraction. Once her skills were more honed and they knew she couldn’t appear at every robbery they trusted she could attack. Yeah she practiced with her little buddies, but her first real fight was Aizawa. She wasn’t sure if she would win her not.

Dallas didn’t even stop. He let Y/n get picked off. She never had romantic feelings, more like he her super cool celebrity. She already got so much in return, but a relationship with Dallas would be weird. She would have to admit she knew about her mom’s addiction if things ever got serious. He was also older than her. The whole relationship aspect would look terrible.

But why did she allow it? She knew it was all against the law. The first time it felt bad, but it got easier. She did it because that little group made her feel alive. When she lost school completely as a social outlet, she felt like she had completely disconnected from the outside world. They bought her lunch as they talked about silly things to how society has failed not only them but beyond. It felt amazing, but there was always doubt in her heart. It was too good to be true. Why not follow that feeling till it runs out. Why not run, and feel the rush of being chased a little while longer. The pavement against her shoes as she ran down allies, was the only feeling that brought her back from the dead she felt in her room.

Aizawa didn’t answer her. Y/n sighed out some pressure out of her lungs and sat back down. There wasn’t anything she needed to hear from her comment. Nothing he said was going to undo her father’s damage.

“Can I go to the grocery store. I need some things.”

“I’d take you, but I can’t. Not tonight, I have work.”

“You’re not worried I’m gonna starve after my work out?” She asked.

Aizawa sighed. If she was a student she would be expelled ten times over by now. This was as much his punishment as hers.

“Pick out some students to take you there then.”

“I could just leave?”

“With two of my students. I’ll let the school know.”

It was part of his plan.

“Two students, huh, where are the dorms?”

Aizawa took Y/n to where his students lived. Midoriya was training outside. Y/n waved at him and cheered him on. Aizawa explained the situation and told the students that pretend you're escorting a civilian around that needs protecting. The class felt awkward that Aizawa was there because they were hiding the fact they made ramen in a coffee pot.

“I’ll get going, you can pick who you want. Pick two.” Aizawa said.

“I’m gonna change my clothes before I leave, why didn’t you let me do that first?”

“Bye.”

It wasn’t that he trusted her, but Aizawa knew his students could take her if she tried anything. The door shut and Y/n sighed.

#shouji mezou #shoji mezo #xreader #bnha #bnha fanfiction #shouji mezo #series #bnha shoji #bnha x reader #shoji x reader #mezo x reader

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theschizoidblog · 4 years

Text

Anger Outbursts

Blog 3: 11/07/2020

I want to start this particular blog post by saying that what I am about to describe today, might not be very common in schizoids. Maybe it’s not schizoid at all. Maybe it’s just me. Schizoids have what I’ve seen described as “flat affect” – as in that they show very little emotions. However, during my lifetime, I’ve had a few anger outbursts. These might be PTSD related in some cases. PTSD *is* common in schizoids. These attacks have been happening at an increasing rate in my lifetime. Hardly at all before the age of 30, but then more and more after that age until I decided it was one of the reasons to seek therapy.

The outbursts are usually incredibly brief. Such an outburst only lasts a few minutes, sometimes just a matter of seconds, but the spike of adrenaline often affects me for a few days, and afterwards, I’m a sobbing mess of guilt and other negative emotions for often hours in a row, and I’m exhausted as hell.

I will describe the triggers and my own reaction and what the experience is like. Sometimes I call it an anger outburst, but it could also be a form of anxiety attack or adrenaline attack or panic attack. I honestly don’t know the correct, professional distinction between all of them.

When it happens, my fight or flight response is triggered, and I usually choose “fight”. I’m not sure if I never choose flight, or if choosing flight just doesn’t trigger it and thus I’m hardly aware I even made a choice afterwards.

I really don’t know what the correct label is for my own “attacks”, but if after reading this blog, you feel like you know, then don’t hesitate to reply, send me an ask or reach out to me on facebook.

An overview of outbursts

Very often, my outbursts are work-related.

The very first time I had it was when I was about 16 years old. I had forgotten my homework, something which did happen a lot. I was a good student, but forgetful. I always forgot a book, sometimes I did forget to do homework too, but in this case, I’d done my homework but left the book at home. When the teacher asked, I was ashamed to say I’d forgotten it at home, but I said it. Another girl in my class, someone who I always found disrespectful towards me (and a bitch), was like “she probably didn’t do it!” – even though it was only the first thing she said to me that day, I decided it would also be the last thing she said to me that day. She said it in such a taunting manner that I barked back at her: “I DID DO IT!”

Now, for me to bark was rare. I was usually quiet, friendly and never looking for a fight. I dodge confrontation at all times. I was sooner a mediator or observer in the classroom than a fighter. But in this case, the fight or flight response got triggered, my adrenaline rose up, and I decided to stand up for the truth, and thus I shouted back in her face. She was visibly startled (when you never respond that way and know how to carry volume and fierceness in your tone, it lands) and she backed off immediately with an apology.

The teacher (who really had nothing against me, I was a good student) didn’t mention it either and just let me be for that hour while I cried where I sat.

I was a mess for the rest of the day. The first hour I sat in class crying and shaking, completely confused by what I’d done. Later that day I tried to keep up the pretense I was fine, but I was exhausted.

I don’t think it happened for another ten years afterwards, until as a 26-year-old, something very similar happened at work. I don’t know what the precise cause was, but a colleague of mine was a bit of a sneaky bitch, always gossiping behind everyone’s back. Calling her a bully might be an overstatement, but she was not a great person. She had two faces and I did not trust her. She said something that struck a nerve, fight or flight response was triggered, I chose fight and spoke back to her, then I ran out of the room, slamming the door. Then the next hour or so I spent on the toilet, crying. Very adult. Very professional. In what I call the “discharge”, after the adrenaline had left my body in the rage of anger, there was so much guilt and confusion I could not face anyone.

Skip another few years. A different situation. Once again at work. I do a helpdesk job, but it’s high-demand. We are expected to be flexible, answer phones, mails, social media, in various languages, about various subjects, always creating tickets and being productive. In the morning as I drove to my work place, I saw a small van of the internet company outside. My first thought was: “they better not fuck up our internet connection today, we’re behind on tickets.” An hour later, the internet goes down. I can’t do my job. There’s pressure on us to perform, and I get so angry at the thought that there was no problem but that those two idiots of the internet company outside managed to ruin our internet… While our leads ask us to switch to hotspots, my VPN connection decides not to work along, and I get so frustrated by this ridiculous problem that it triggers another outburst and I have to hide in the toilet in order to sob out my frustration.

Another outburst, one from over a year ago. I’m at work. It’s been busy as hell. I’ve been working overtime. We’re asked to fill in a self-evaluation. It’s a bit of work, but I’m glad to do it, I find it very important to do. So I do it after my time. So it’s 5 o clock and while others are going home, I’m still behind my desk, filling in the evaluation so I can take my time for it. After thirty minutes I’m done and I click “next” – but the site gives an error as though nothing has been saved. In no time at all, the fight or flight response is triggered, I take my keyboard in my hands and smash it down onto my table. I break its tiny fragile legs. A few meters away from me two colleagues were talking and they look at me like “wtf?” – I mutter an apology and sit there shaking, trying not to cry. (In the end, my evaluation got saved correctly, which makes it even worse, the site just gave a weird error after saving. I did not have to do it again.)

Something else which triggered a really bad episode was when I was at home, not at work for a change, and I was in a fandom discord. I can’t remember the exact cause, but mods were angry with me for a specific discussion in which I had not held back. I wanted to defend myself, but they denied me the opportunity to do so and gave me a strict warning. Without a means to stand up for myself or express my own emotions in a safe way, I exploded in anger, then in tears, just behind my computer, shaking, being a mess, eventually feeling exhausted. (This was a PTSD trigger for me, which I recognize as related to PTSD I got at the age of 21.)

This week I had another explosion.

I’ve been working on a new project with a few others of my team. Every week we get a few days to work on the project, each a few days. Last week I did two days, and this week I would be doing three days of work on the project. There’s a ton of work to tackle, so I planned it out and had planned out all three days. The third day, I start working in the morning (at home), with a clear vision in my mind of what I’m going to do that day so that everything is done before my colleague needs to continue the day after.

I’m at it for about ten minutes when I hear from the colleague that she gets to do the project that day, instead of me. She gets to do it for the rest of the week. My brain just short-circuits for a moment. I’m angry as hell.

In this case, it could be compared to a balloon that got inflated to a very big size, but did not pop immediately. Instead there’s a tiny hole of air and it’s deflating. In the minutes while I’m super-angry, I finish some of the stuff I must finish, mails that I had to send out and had already planned the day before. I use the adrenaline boost as a wave to do as much as I can in as short a time as I can. I take the energy from that moment and use it to be productive for the few minutes that I know it lasts.

I simultaneously express my anger about changing the shift on such short notice with the one responsible for this change. (via chat) I don’t blame her personally, but I voice that it affects me a great deal when she makes such changes without me knowing a day in advance. (While I express this anger I remain professional at the same time.) But slowly, the adrenaline wave is ending. A few minutes later, it’s over, my project work is done, and I’m a sobbing mess, unable to do my job of answering the phone while helping customers with their questions.

Luckily, I have a few great colleagues and team leads who know I’m in therapy for this reason, who also know I’m a schizoid, who know that I’m dealing with PTSD and who also know that I’m currently in EMDR treatment, which might cause things to trigger me more easily. So I just have to type to one: “having an attack”, and a few minutes later she’s calling me, and by then the anger is over and it’s a sobbing attack, and I explain through my sniffles and tears that I exploded, over what I exploded, and she’s immediately like: “Okay, what do you need to do right now in order to get over it?”

I state that it’s very exhausting, and that sleeping it off might be good. She agrees. It’s about 9 o clock, I go back to bed, and at 1 PM I am back at work, answering the phone, still exhausted, but at least able to answer the phone in a composed way again. I quit at 5 PM and by 6 PM I’m in bed again, sleeping. My productivity level in the afternoon was low, but at least I contributed in some way.

The Thoughts That Come With The Exhaustion

I feel most of these outbursts in my body for two days. The first day it’s like I just ran a marathon in a period of 3 minutes or so. The second day it’s like I ran a marathon the day before. :-P It’s just very tiring to have these outbursts. It drains my energy and my emotions.

At first there is anger, but almost at the same time there’s also guilt. There’s sadness and defeat. I remember the thought process of my last outburst very well, since it was only a few days ago. It was something along these lines:

“Schizoids aren’t ambitious people. You know this, but you also know that if you want to get your own place, not just rent it, you need to earn more. So you have to prove yourself. You have to work harder. You have to be more sociable. And you’ve been trying just that. This project is a way for you to prove you can tackle important work and maybe that might earn you a promotion in the future. That’s part of why you’ve been doing so much overtime for this project. And it’s a nice project. You like the project. But now that you’re having this attack, you’re only proving that you’re weak. You’re proving that you’re unstable. You’re proving that you need to remain at the lowest possible rank in this company because you can’t be given responsibility with this attitude. Not that you want to be a lead, but how can you be in charge of this project or any other in any way with these outbursts? What if you’d been doing a presentation to the CEO of the company about the project and you had such an outburst? What if he saw that? Not only would he want you gone, it would reflect badly on your coworkers and the team leads that are giving you this opportunity. They’re being patient with you, but it can’t last. At some point, they’ll have had it with you and they’ll see that they can only use you at the lowest possible responsibility, in a job where you’re easily replaced if you have an outburst. They’re good people, but capitalism doesn’t work on charity. In the end it’s about profit and you need to make sure you’re keeping up with the rest. You can still keep up with the rest, but you can’t prove to be more, so you’ll be stuck at the low-level income jobs for the rest of your life. Forget the ambition. It’s not real ambition. You have no ambition. This is why schizoids aren’t ambitious: because it’s defeating to always end up back at the low-level entrance jobs. Most schizoids don’t have jobs for longer than a few years, you’ve proven that time and time again before you landed this job. None of your jobs lasted very long. That’s why we forsake ambition and learn to just do our damn, miserable jobs. We can’t deal with the stress of climbing up the ranks. We can’t deal with the competition because we hate confrontation. So we just take a step back if someone louder and more aggressive says they want the job. Over and over again. No matter our talents. No matter if we have the capacity to out-think and out-work them on our best days. We can’t deal with the confrontation. We have no healthy way to deal with confrontation because we’re damaged in some way. We’re terrified of bad environments. We don’t want our work place to turn bad, so we always take a step back. Give up everything for the good of the group. To keep the peace. Just like how you did as a child. It’s the only thing you know how to do. To try and keep the peace. At the expense of your own happiness. So you bury it, deeper and deeper. What is ambition? You don’t know ambition. What do you want? You don’t know what you want. Or you think you don’t know, because wanting something might mean fighting for it, and fights are bad. Fights make it not worth it. So you remain miserable. Maybe someone else said they wanted to do the job. Maybe that’s why you were taken off the task. You made a mistake the day before. You admitted to making a mistake in the project. That’s why you’re not allowed to do the project today. They’re mad at you. They’re just tolerating you to do it because they need more people to do that work. Make sure you will not get replaced. You like this project. You can’t argue about it. Just be glad you’re back on the project next week. It’s a very busy time right now and you’re letting them down, so make sure that you’re up and running again as soon as you can. You can not afford to be a schizoid without a job. Certainly not during a pandemic. You can deal with people better than most. You just don’t like it when they mess up your schedule without your consent. But that’s going to happen more often in the future so how on earth are you going to deal with it? You have no idea how to deal with it. You’re going to short-circuit again. You don’t know how to prevent it. Maybe EMDR will help. Maybe it will only make it worse. The therapist said it would be worse for a while. But is this linked to your first EMDR session of a few weeks ago? Nothing you discussed in your last EMDR session resembled this situation, so why would EMDR be triggering this now? The therapist said you would get more triggers, but is this one? You shouldn’t blame EMDR. It’s probably not EMDR, it’s just an anger outburst like you’ve had before. Just because you didn’t want it to happen, doesn’t mean it stays away. You knew this could happen. Some colleagues are probably so disappointed in you right now. Some might be wondering where you are, they need you on the phone, it’s busy. You need to rest, you need to be able to answer phones again in the afternoon, you can’t do that in your current state. Think of something else, don’t allow yourself to ruminate about it. It’s not in your control. Not yet at least. Maybe you’ll learn to control it. You’re never going to control it this way. How old are you? You’re going to be dead before you control it. You’ve got depression too. Why do you even care about getting better? Just give up already. You’ve got depression so you shouldn’t be fighting for anything. Certainly not for promotion or approval. You don’t have the energy for that or the capacity to take any hits, so why do you bother? Maybe you should have gone to your safe space, like you were taught for the EMDR sessions? But this was not EMDR related, was it? Besides, it happened too fast. You needed to send those mails, when would you have had time to go to your safe space? You can’t send mails AND go to your safe space at the same time. You needed to ride the wave of adrenaline to get the last bit of work squeezed out of you. You needed to get the word out you were having an attack, so they knew why you weren’t on the phone. You did well enough, you finished sending the mails, transferring the project in a decent way, and you sent them the message you were having an attack. That’s something. That’s all you could have done, you did well. Does the safe space help now? Who are you kidding, you’re too exhausted to go to your safe space right now. You can hardly focus on one emotion or thought, that’s how tired you are, you can’t go to your safe space. That requires energy and focus. You have none right now. What’s it going to help, you need to rest now. Think of something else. Think of something fictional. Try to sleep.”

Harmful Thought Patterns

There are a lot of harmful thought patterns I need to break. Any psychologist could probably find several out of the thought process above. According to my own psychologist, I need to stop telling myself “I’m weak” – it’s a lie about myself that I believe deep in my core. But between knowing what is a wrong thought and between not believing a wrong thought lies a world of difference. I still believe that thought. It’s one of the things we’ll be working on, though I have no freaking clue how we’re going to break that thought since it’s one of my core beliefs.

There is some paranoia too. I don’t have the Paranoid Personality Disorder, but I can have paranoid thoughts during those moments of great sadness and guilt. But usually those thoughts are only there in moments of stress and I can recognize them afterwards, and most of the times at the exact moment as I’m having them as a paranoid thought. For example, thinking they’re looking for reasons to fire me, thinking they’re punishing me for making a mistake, I know that’s not the case. It’s a fear I have that they would do those things, but I know that that is not what they did, that’s not reality. That’s just a bad thought process that pops up after an attack. It adds to the guilt and sadness. It’s not something that I think during a regular day, since I usually don’t feed any emotions.

Not every thought that comes after an attack is a lie. I do believe there’s a lot of truth in my thoughts as well. There is self-analysis in there that is not completely wrong. I get wiser as I age and with the schizoid label also come new ways to look upon myself and my thoughts and history. I am starting to understand better why I am not ambitious. I am starting to understand why I avoid confrontation.

And I think the attack, in part, is triggered by confrontation. When you go back to the part where I describe all the past triggers I remember, it were always moments of confrontation in one way or another. I just have no idea how to deal with confrontation, hence me having a full meltdown whenever I force myself to stand up for myself.

I’m so not used to standing up for myself, that the exact moment I say to myself: “No, you NEED to say what you think about this NOW, you can not just pretend nothing happened” is when I have the outburst with all the unpleasant adrenaline and tears that follow. My communication towards the other party seems to be correct though. I don’t think anything was wrong with the chat I sent my colleague, or when I tell a bitch to back off - I think it’s assertive. But having a breakdown every time you’re assertive, isn’t normal. That’s the issue.

Had I decided not to confront my colleagues about how unpleasant it was to me that they changed my schedule, I might not have had the outburst, I think. (I honestly don’t know.) There’s the tiniest moment before the outburst, the fight or flight moment, where I need to make the choice. And it is a choice that I can make. I have agency in that moment. I can choose what my choice is, but I can not really choose the effect that comes with either option.

If I choose to flee, I’ll be relatively fine. Maybe a little shaken. If I do that, it probably adds another argument to the “you are weak”-narrative in my mind.

If I fight, there’s a possibility I end up at war with myself. In my thought process, I might be entering a war with everyone else. That’s usually not the case. People usually back off. (At least for a while.) But in my thought process, if I choose “fight”, it’s like I’m going to war. In that way, I do think that there’s a big link between my outbursts and some form of PTSD. I don’t see it clearly just yet, but I think I’m getting closer to a breakthrough of what it is.

A Link to Autism

I did not get diagnosed with autism. (Though we did the test!) However, the outbursts often seem autistic in some ways to me. Maybe people with autism experience it in a very similar way. Maybe they don’t and I’m just projecting.

(Just to clarify – before “autism” existed, people with autism all got the “schizoid” label. There are a lot of resemblances between the two. People with autism mostly distinguish themselves from a schizoid like me by not having the same social skills. Schizoids seem to have the skills more naturally while for people with autism it’s usually a skill they have to work on, like maths or languages is to neurotypicals. Or maybe it would be a better comparison to say it’s like they have dyscalculia while the rest of the world can do maths without much of a problem, but apply that comparison to how we as humans learn social situations. Another difference: Schizoids don’t want company, people with autism often do, but don’t know how to go about it. They both come across as asocial a lot of the time, hence some of the overlap between the two labels.)

But if you shorten what happened, if you say: “Her schedule changed last minute, and she exploded” or “A classmate insulted her, and she exploded” – that would seem autistic to some. A change of plans can really ruin the day of a person with autism since they prefer structure. People with autism can also really explode at bullies because they don’t know how to deal with them.

So if you shorten my trigger and my “explosion”, I think an outsider would say: “Oh that has to be autism. She can’t deal with change. She can’t deal with social situations.” My type of explosion is something that people with autism go through as well sometimes.

Sometimes it does make me doubt if it’s not autism for a part, but I suppose I should follow the opinion of my psychologist, and I do have to state that I don’t have a lot of difficulty reading social situations. I’m very sensitive to some situations even, feeling when some people can’t stand each other in a room without even talking to anyone. I think that’s something people with autism often can’t read from the room. I have been called a very good observer by some friends and colleagues in certain situations.

To End It

I’m not sure what else is left to say. Writing this has exhausted me as well, in a way. Going through emotions is hard for a schizoid. We bury them, deep. We don’t do it consciously, we just do it. Bringing it back to write about it, did bring a few of the emotions back. I did shed a few tears while writing this. (I’m not saying this for pity, by the way, just as an FYI to my state of mind while reliving this.)

An anger outburst brings the negative emotions to the surface. Anger (at the cause of the issue), guilt (about getting angry), sadness (about our own state of being), fear (of losing friends/our jobs/respect) are all negative emotions. You don’t want to have these on any day. Most days we don’t have any emotions. But on a day with an anger outburst we experience all of those emotions. In a matter of minutes. In an hour. And then we’re exhausted.

Not all schizoids experience this, and I’m not sure whether to envy those people or to pity them. Envy, because these emotions are all negative. Who needs that negativity in their life? But also pity, because it seems like they’re the only emotions I’m given in this life. Isn’t it sad that some have none at all?

I try to approach it positively and say “at least you have these emotions. If you have the negative ones, maybe the positive ones are hidden inside you as well. You just need to find the correct trigger to bring them out.”

Some schizoids say they don’t want to experience any emotions. I don’t think I’m one of them. I’d rather have a day without emotions than with only negative emotions, but I’d like to go back to positive emotions one day. I don’t want to fake being happy at a party, as I usually do.

And if I can’t have emotions, then all that’s left is achievement in life. To make value in my life, to accrue wealth or status or experience. I don’t mind dying poor as long as I’m not miserable. But imagine dying miserable and weak and poor, that sucks. I don’t want that.

Take care, and remember, if you have anything to share, your own wisdom or your own experience, my askbox is always open.

#schizoid personality disorder #schizoid #autism #anger outburst #ptsd #blog

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captainjanegay · 3 years

Note

hey kasia! so, i read your post saying that you’re still not feeling well and that you might have an ear infection now 🥺 i’m so sorry honey! no one deserves that, but especially not an angel like you 🥺❤️ and as someone who had to get surgery to prevent the seemingly infinite amount of ear infections i got when i was little, i know how painful and annoying they can be! 😣 so with that on top of an awful cough (do you know what it is?) for two and a half weeks, that is the absolute worst. please know that i’m sending you all my love and well wishes to hope that you start to feel better soon! by the way, it’s been a long time since i’ve had an ear infection but if i remember correctly laying my painful ear on a heating pad really helps!

also p.s. when i was writing “an angel” i accidentally typed “a bagel” 😂 you in fact are not a bagel but the sweetest angel ever

but anyway— i just wanted to send you this nice little message to say a few things to hopefully improve your day 🥰 i’m gonna try to be concise but we’ll see what happens. i did this for @babyyhoneyydarling yesterday and it got long 🤦🏼‍♀️ but let me get started!

ok so first of all i know i say these things a whole bunch but i promise you right now, i mean them with my entire heart. kasia, you are hands-down one of the SWEETEST and most kindhearted people i’ve ever met. seriously? i don’t deserve you. at all! i’ll get a random ask from you and it makes my entire day so much more worth it 🥺💕 the care you’ve shown me and the other friends you have on here just makes me so happy. there isn’t enough love in this world spread around, but you make it better ☺️ you radiate sunshine energy all the time, even when i know you aren’t doing the best personally. and that takes a whole lot! i appreciate that you show us all love and support every single day— it’s hard to appreciate ourselves sometimes, so getting that from someone who we care about means the whole world!! you’ve made me feel better on the days that i’m at my lowest 🥺 and not only are you the most wonderful person ever, but your writing talent? i don’t even know where to begin. like i’ve said before, i have a tough time reading anything, so when i find a book or fic i can read, i am so grateful! and your fics that i’ve had the pleasure of reading do just that ❤️ just everything about them is perfect in my opinion— you come up with such interesting storylines that i could never even DREAM of! i know you aren’t always super confident in your work but i assure you, they truly are works of art. you deserve every single note they get, and endless support!! 😘 also i just wanted to add in quickly that i am SO proud of you for being able to write every day— it’s not something that all of us can do, so even if it’s not “great” quality, just getting your ideas and feelings out onto “paper” is the important thing. i also wanted to add in that i absolutely love your little writing games that you do 🥰 you are so creative with your 3-sentence ones and i seriously don’t know how you do it on the spot like that!! i take weeks to come up with stuff 😅🤦🏼‍♀️ speaking of games, i just want to say that i’ve loved getting the ability to know you through your blog. you are so welcoming and energizing— i’ve felt so comfortable here thanks to you!! i’ll admit i’m still very intimidated by some people, and even though i am so in awe of you, i feel like i’ve known you forever. which, for me, isn’t something that happens often! i can only think of a handful of friends 💕 i’ve never felt stressed out or scared when i talk to you (sometimes i feel like people are gonna judge me but you are just so kind 🥺☺️❤️) and i just want to say thank you for that. thank you for being you, kasia, you are wonderful, talented, and BEAUTIFUL, both inside and out!!! did you think i’d forget to add that? you are so gorgeous oh my god 🥰

ok— i could keep going but alas, i have wasted a lot of your time and blog space by sending this in 😂 i love you SO SO SO MUCH KASIA!!! i wish i could come give you a hug and help you feel better because you deserve all the best days 🥺❤️ i hope you have a better evening honey!!

also p.p.s. it started snowing a little bit here earlier today and it was the nice light and fluffy snow— it reminded me of you! ☺️💕

I’ve tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t be me just repeatedly screaming HELENA MY SWEET BABY ANGEL SWEETHEART LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS FOR WORDS but I couldn’t and I’ve been thinking since yesterday dajka let me try, though.

HELENA MY SWEET BABY ANGEL SWEETHEART I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS FOR WORDS

ok i’m done

i’m so not done, you’re just so lovely and every single time I am blessed with your messages or posts or just your sole presence on my dash or in my thoughts, I am just so thankful?? You’re such a sweet and wonderful human and to be able to call myself your friend is so amazing. I can’t believe you’ve singlehandedly saved this clusterfuck of a year by just being you and brightening the life of everyone you talk to, myself included? You’re so amazing??? I can’t belive u ♥♥♥

I’m so incredibly happy to know that I’m able to make you feel better and remind you of all the incredible qualities you have when you don’t remember about them yourself. I love making you happy and cheering you up when you need it so it means the world to me knowing that I succeed. And I want you to know that you do the exact same things to me :’) I feel so cared for and appreciated thanks to you and you sending things like this whenever i whine about not feeling my best? It just makes me cry happy tears forever, I love you so much my heart is just gonna burst someday.

And all those nice things you say about my writing just make my heart go all !!!!! I’m not gonna whine again but it really means the world and every single nice word I hear about my writing makes me a tad bit confident and while I’ll probably stay critical and self-conscious forever, knowing that you and all the other incredible people that appreciate my work are enjoying the things I almost always dislike? dakjda It makes me dislike them less, cause they make you happy and it’s more than I could ask for :’) I enjoy writing even while it’s a pain in the ass and you all make it so worth it :’) Also I never thought I’ll like those 3 sentence thingies so much dkjakds it usually takes me so much to figure things out (like all the christmas prompts i have in my inbox even though it’s December 11th already dajda)? And when I think about a fic I tend to start way too early and I get discouraged when I figure how much i need to write before I get to the “good part”? So i guess the limit of 3 sentences makes me able to just stuff as much of the “good part” as i can so maybe that’s why i like them so much dsakjkas

I got sidetracked, gimme a sec I need to remember what i wanted to say.

Oh yeah, i remember now - HELENA YOU SWEET, SWEET, BEAUTIFUL SOUL YOU’RE TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS AWFUL WORLD ♥♥ I just want to wrap you in a blanket and hug forever to make sure nothing bad ever happens to you. And how dare you call this wonderful message a waste of space or time! I loved every single letter in it, just like I love every single part of you and I’ll forever be amazed that such an incredible person once looked at my blog and thought “i’m gonna make her heart explode from love-overload because that’s what she deserves”. I love you so much and I will repeart it forever and a bit longer probably.

As for my well-being, it’s not being so well djasdja I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of an infection but it’s basically the same it was yesterday, it’s not getting worse :’)) (thank fuck it seems to be a mostly painless one cause otherwise i’d die already) I have no idea what was that cough, it’s kinda hard to get a doctors appointment atm and I was kinda paranoid about having covid so i just preffered to stay holed up at home and wait dajkdajk which is not a good way to do things, I’m a horrible example in life but it’s mostly over now (the cough, not life dhjakjda) so i guess it didn’t turn out worse by my lack of professional expertise djaskj I really hope it will all pass soon, I hate being sick cause I always was a rather healthy person and only get a light cold like once a year or even less often? so getting sick so much while not leaving the damn house is just a bad joke from the universe dhkakda

On a more positive note - it was snowing today too!! It started around the afternoon and it’s still here! I’m so happy and I hope it’ll last for a bit :’)

here’s the (not current but it didn’t change much) view from my flat, it’s not even that much snow and it still makes me so excited djasdkja :’)

Again - thank you so much for this message, sweetheart. It means everything to me, I love you so so much ♥♥

#i could go on and on about how amazing you are :')#i can't believe u #thank you thank you thank you #i love u soooo much #i'm repeating myself but i've dried my 'proper words' stream djajda #♥♥♥#to keep #hbalbat #ask

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the-star-knight · 3 years

Text

The Star Knight

Summary: Post Series AU with my OCs. Star has found herself entangled with the magic of the legendary Sundrop and Moonstone. However, just because they’re gone doesn’t mean that her job is done.

Chapter 2 - Retellings

Chapter Summary: After encounter a strange teenager, Star and Varian end up stuck with him. To pass time, they talk about their life in Corona

Word Count: 3,894

Author’s Note: This chapter has the gist of went down in Tales of A Star, so if you want an in depth of what happens you can check it out here

◀︎Previous Chapter || Next Chapter ▶︎

The guards closed the cell behind them.

Star slumped over and sighed. She glared at the boy that got them into this mess in the first place.

He gave her a faint smile, "Um, hi. I'm Jake."

Star rolled her eyes. The nerve of this kid for introducing himself as if they were pals after what he's done.

"Varian," Varian introduced himself. "The royal engineer of Corona."

Star elbowed him.

"Ow!"

"What are you doing?" Star whispered at him.

"Introducing ourselves. This kid doesn't seem that bad."

Star just gave him a look.

"Oh, and this is Star! She's the Star Knight!"

"Wait! What?" Jake perked up. "You're the Star Knight? Oh my gosh! That's totally awesome—uh, sorry for trying to steal your horse."

Star simply glared at him.

"Don't mind her," Varian said, "she'll warm up to you….er, eventually."

"So…" Jake tapped on knees, "looks like we're gonna be here for a while."

"Yeah," Varian laughed awkwardly.

A long awkward silence came after that.

“So…” Jake broke the silence, “how did you guys meet?”

“Long story.” Star said, still not looking at Jake.

“There’s nothing here but time…”

Star sighed, “Fine, since there is nothing better to do while being imprisoned again.”

“Again?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell you about that too.”

“Ooo! Exciting!” Jake’s blue eyes lit up. “Are you gonna talk about how you got your powers? Oh! And how you became a knight? And the battle of near the Corona Walls? And don’t forget the battle with Zhan Tiri!”

“Woah, this guy knows a lot,” Varian pointed out.

“Yeah, just one thing at a time.” Star said.

Jake squealed in excitement. He crossed his legs and rested his head on his hands.

Star took a deep breath, “So, how I got my powers... As you may or may not know, I am the stable girl.”

“Stable girl?” Jake blinked.

“Yeah, I help out my dad with a lot of the work around the royal stables. But I used to take morning rides with Luna and one of those rides we came across the place where the Sundrop flower was found. I found the Star gem there, it was weird because it felt like it was calling to me somehow.”

“Calling you?” Jake was indeed intrigued. “Oh! Like destiny!”

“Yeah...that,” Star said.

“Anyways,” Star continued, “I turned the gem into a necklace.”

“The first time I transformed was when I was talking to Eugene. He was really attached to the idea about proving to everyone else that he can keep a secret.”

“Oh, yeah,” Varian laughed, “I remember that well.”

“I felt words coming to me. And when I concentrated and said those words I transformed. Eugene and I were extremely confused. We went after Rapunzel and Cassandra when they looked for Varian. Eugene was able to look through the window to see Rapunzel was going through Varian’s tests and completely freaked out. I tried to see it for myself but...well, I wasn’t quite tall enough to see.”

“Oh yeah you’ve stayed the same height for the past 3 years.” Varian teased.

Star punched him in the arm.

“Ow!” Varian rubbed his arm.

“You know at that time I was taller than you.” Star remarked.

“Was.” Varían pointed out. “Now I’m taller than you.”

“Barely.” Star scoffed.

“Okay, okay!” Jake stopped them from them taking their argument too far. “Let’s get back on track.”

“Fine.” They both said.

“But...both of you are pretty short…” Jake muttered.

“WHAT?!” Star and Varian exclaimed.

“Okay, you know what? I’m done telling you about everything!”

“No, no, no!” Jake rushed to her.

“Look I’ll be shorter than you!” Jake got down his knees,”See? Now I’m shorter than both of you now!”

Star glanced at him then sighed.

“Get up.” Star said. “I’ll tell you, but both you have to try to not interrupt me.”

Varian and Jake looked at each other and nodded.

“So, Eugene thought Varian was hurting Rapunzel and I thought so too. So, we crashed into Varian’s home and I tackled him.”

“That wouldn’t be the first time.” Varian said.

Jake looked confused.

“We’ll get there. I promise.” Star said. “When I realized he wasn’t trying to hurt Rapunzel, I was pretty embarrassed that I jumped to that conclusion. I wanted to show Variano here, what this gem can do. Unfortunately, my connection with it was pretty weak since I wasn’t able to show anybody after that. Not until the exposition.”

“Exposition?” Jake looked at them curiously. “Wait! Isn’t that the super geeky exposition to show off gadgets?”

Star nodded. Varian looked slightly offended but he kept his mouth shut.

“Let me guess. This guy,” Jake pointed at Varian, “participated in it.”

“Yeah…” Varian admitted. “Is it that obvious?”

“Hey, I live in Corona too ya know. Plus, the fact you dress like that,” Jake gestured towards Varian’s outfit, “is a pretty good giveaway.”

“And didn’t your invention explode or something?” Jake tried to remember.

“Pfft...no…” Varian crossed his arms. “You have idea what you’re talking about.”

“No, yeah, I remember. It caused this super huge storm thing that sucked everything up! Honestly, pretty cool!"

Varian smiled

“So, if I remember correctly, Varian made an element and called it Cassandrium, right? Isn't that the name Rapunzel's handmaiden?" Jake asked. "Did Varian like her?"

"No…" Varian looked away from them. But Star could tell he was burning up in embarrassment.

Jake gave Varian a look, "Well, that answers my question."

"What about the big storm? You know the one that had to do with Zhan Tiri's curse?" Jake proceeded to ask more questions. "What exactly happened that day? Since...ya know..."

Star raised an eyebrow.

Jake hinted towards Varian.

Oh. Star knew what he was talking about.

Star and Varian simply looked at each other and looked away.

"Sensitive subject, I see." Jake tried to make things less awkward.

"It's not…that." Star began. "We went through a lot that day. I think everyone did..."

"I think I know where this is going, but if you don't want talk about you don't have to—"

"No." Varian said firmly. "I'm not going to hide away my past. Star, you can tell him what happened."

Star took in a long sigh before beginning, "When, the storm got stronger we all had to seek refuge. Rapunzel was the acting queen and she had to make tough choices. I had also been through...some stuff. We all had to endure things that day.

"Varian came in pleading, begging for help from Rapunzel. But she had to make so many decisions all at once. As acting queen, she decided to put the safety of the citizens of Corona above all else. Before I could offer to help him, I was informed that my family wasn't able to get out of the house—"

"I was basically dragged out of the castle…" Varian said in a cold tone. "After Rapunzel promised me that we would help each other, she refused to help me. My father was slowly being encased in amber. In a failed experiment that I created. After he told me not to, but I choose not to listen "

Varian was at the verge of tears. The atmosphere became heavy.

"When I came back home," Varian's voice began to crack and he wiped his nose. "I found my father fully encased in amber. There, I swore to set him free and seek revenge on those who wronged me."

There was this silence. Star felt like the Varian she once knew, the traitor, might've come back.

"But...it's all in the past now." Varian wiped a tear from his face. "I've moved past it."

Varian gave them a weak smile.

Star cleared her throat to continue to tell her story, "I promised Varian to come and help him after I got my family out. When I got the message that my family wasn't able to evacuate, I went home only to find that the snow made the roof of the house collapse on the front door. The back door was completely buried in snow. I tried to find a way to get my family out. But I couldn't. I tried to transform to get my parents out but my gem wouldn't react. Over and over I said the incantation."

"I tried screaming for help, begging for help out in the cold, but no one was there." Star went into oblivion. "My family was in there, freezing. And I could hear them suffering. And i couldn't do anything. I never felt so useless."

Tears began to roll down her face. She clenched her first and sucked the air through her teeth.

"I remember thinking ‘what's the point of being the Star Knight if I can't even save those dearest to me?' I said and threw my necklace in the snow. My parents could hear me and convince me to not give up. So, I grabbed my necklace and took a deep breath and concentrated. I said it once, then twice and then a third time. It finally worked. I transformed. I broke into the house and got my parents and my sisters out of there…"

Star looked up once she finished telling her story. She saw Jake's face had snot and tears all over him. He sniffled, "Can I like….hug you guys?"

Star and Varian glanced at each other.

"Um...yeah?"

"Sure…?"

Jake quickly wrapped his arms around both of them and held them tightly. Star didn't want to admit it but it felt...nice.

Jake slowly backed away.

"Wow," he said as he wiped his nose with his sleeve.

"Wait a minute," Jake interrupted himself. "What about your promise to him?"

"Well…" Star continued. "After the storm calmed, I went to Old Corona as quickly as I could. But the bridge was broken. So, I had to wait til they fixed to get to him. When it was repaired, I knocked at his door. I kept knocking on his door but he wouldn't open the door...Varian I never told you this but I knew you were in there. I knew you at the other side of that door and I don't understand why you didn't open it? Why didn't you let me help you?"

Varian sighed. "...I was blinded by my hatred. I never felt so alone...Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I did open the door to let you guys in and help me sooner.."

Star stared at him in silence.

"I waited there for hours, Varian." Star continued. "And I kept returning day after day hoping you would let me in. To the point where my father had to forbid me to go to Old Corona. Eugene found me more than once waiting outside your house sleeping next to Luna. But, I didn't let that stop me. I asked Rapunzel for paper and pen and kept writing letters and slipping under your door."

"Why did you do that, Star?" Jake asked.

Star shrugged. "Maybe because he was the only kid my age that I could actually call my friend. Before all of this, it was really hard for me to make friends. My anxiety would act up and I would keep messing things up. I tried to befriend one of the handmaidens by helping her with folding clothes but I somehow managed to rip one of Queen Arianna's favorite dresses. The handmaiden never spoke to me again."

"Well, that sucks," Jake put his hand on Star's hand. "She missed out on having a cool new friend."

Jake smiled widely. Star smiled in return. She was beginning to like this guy.

"Well…" Star pulled away. "I guess that's one of the main reasons why I tried so hard to be his friend. Also, I don't think that fact that Varian and I met by nearly punching him in the face left a very good impression.”

Varian chuckled.

“So…” Jake resumed the conversation. “Star, how did you find out that Varian turned against you?”

“Not in any ideal way, I’ll say.” Star said. “Rapunzel started to have dreams about the Sundrop, the black rocks and Varian. We haven’t heard from him in a while, when he sent us a message asking us to retrieve something from his lab. Which was one of the four parts of the Daminitus scroll."

"Daminitus scroll?" Jake blinked. "I've heard about him before. Didn't Rapunzel use one of his machines to save the kingdom?"

"Yeah, and more than once " Varian said excitedly

"That scroll was important because it held the secrets of the Sundrop and the Moonstone." Star said.

Star took a long sigh before proceeding, "We entered his lab and found the reason why Varian did that. I saw his father completely encased in amber. I couldn't blame him for choosing to take that path after everything we've done to him."

"Once we had the scroll in our hands, after fighting the King's own men, weirdly enough. The next day, things got weird really quickly. Everyone couldn't stop telling the truth. Cass, Eugene, and I investigated the situation. Apparently, some guy with a squeaky voice was hiding in the bushes giving out free cookies."

"Squeaky voice? Who said that?" Varian looked offended.

"Doesn't matter," Star moves on. "Anyways, Varian wanted to get his hands on the Sundrop flower. So he gave everyone truth cookies to find the whereabouts of the flower. Varian asked Rapunzel for help and of course, Rapunzel helped him steal the flower from the royal vault. And I witnessed him betray Rapunzel. I-I couldn't believe it at first. I denied it, I wanted to believe that the Varian I knew was still there. But then came Rapunzel's birthday and boy, that was wild. He distracted us and kidnapped the Queen and my mother when she tried to prevent him from taking her. We went after them, but he found a way to trap us. I tried to snap him out of it. He refused and that was my last straw. Varian force Rapunzel to break the amber with her hair but when it failed, he completely lost it. We managed to free ourselves but Varian attacked us with the automatons."

"I knew I had to let him go…" Star looked down. " I was no longer his friend. He was my enemy now. I fought him but...I was outnumbered by his automatons. I only remember fragments of what happened after that. My mom came to me. I remember seeing Rapunzel and the black rocks and a flash of bright light. Then when I gained consciousness again, Varian was being handcuffed and taken away and I felt anger and hate. I tackled him and I was ready to throw a punch until Rapunzel grabbed me and told me that it was over. I cried in her arms. He got what he wanted, he broke me."

Star found Varian burying his face in his hands. He was ashamed and regretful of everything he'd done to Star and to people he now called his friends.

Jake inhaled sharply. "Woah, um...that's a lot to take in…"

"Varian? You okay?" Star asked.

Varian looked up at her. His eyes were red. "I thought...I was past it but I guess not. Not yet at least."

Star patted him on the back.

"The rocks showed Rapunzel towards a direction. The pathway to the Moonstone. I joined her in her journey because I knew if I stayed in Corona I would turned mad knowing how close he was to me. Days after the battle, before we left, I was knighted as the ‘Protector of Corona’ because of my ‘bavery’, which to me felt like a mocking since I didn’t exactly defeat Varian, it was Rapunzel. The royal family gave me this custom made guard uniform which I never wore until a year later. And I needed to find out about myself. That's when I decided to cut my hair." Star stroked her hair. "Eugene and I bonded a lot during that time. He helped me put my thoughts in order. I found out that Varian's betrayal became my worst nightmare. I had—still have—a hard time trusting people. When Cassandra turned against us, that didn't help me either.

When we returned to Corona after that, the Saporians attacked Corona. Everyone was just gone. I couldn't find my family. We went to the castle and found out Varian was working with the Saporians to take over the kingdom. When I saw him, I felt that rage and anger all come to me at once. We managed to escape but Rapunzel, as impulsive as she is, went back to the castle alone, I tagged alongside her because I needed to find my family. That wasn't...a good plan...er, Rapunzel got caught and I got caught too. We were thrown in jail. And that's when Rapunzel tried to convince Varian to not to stop working with the Saporians. Then, somehow, he changed and went against the Saporians, which didn't work out since he was thrown into prison with us."

"Yeah…" Varian scratched his head. "That didn't go exactly as I planned."

“Rapunzel and Varian talked it out and made up. I, however…” Star crossed her arms and looked away. She sighed. “Refuse to believe that he changed. He hurt me and I didn’t want to be hurt again. We eventually defeated the Saporians but I still refused to trust him. But, I promised Rapunzel that at least we’d get along.”

“W-what made you trust him again?” Jake asked with hesitation. Star could tell that he didn’t want to get in too deep.

“It was because I didn’t trust him. When Cassandra crashed Eugene’s birthday party demanding the scroll. Varian had it to decipher it, so we went to see him but Cass was there and kidnapped him. I wasn’t convinced he was kidnapped. I thought the worst and thought that he betrayed us once again. I pulled another Star and left alone to the black rock tower Cassandra made. I got up to the tower using my powers and saw everything. Varian was trying to convince Cassandra that the path she is taking would leave to no good. I hid behind the rocks and I heard everything. I felt foolish that I thought the worst about him. Cassandra eventually found me eavesdropping and we fought. She attacked me from either side, I blocked both attacks and she attacked me behind and imprisoned alongside Varian. That’s when I had to suck up my pride and apologized to him.”

“And now you guys are friends again!” Jake beamed. "What about the fight with Zhan Tiri. I heard it was pretty bad."

"Yeah, Zhan Tiri had the Sundrop and the Moonstone so she was able to use the decay incantation which made everyone really weak," Star said. "I knew I had my duty to protect Corona so I did what I had to do…"

"And nearly died doing it," Varian said.

"Varian," Star sighed. "We talked about this. Your translation was wrong. Nothing happened to me!"

"No it wasn't! And that dream you've been having has to do something with it!"

"Okay, what are you guys talking about?" Jake asked.

"I used an incantation in order to stand a chance against Zhan Thiri," Star answered. "Varian said there was no evidence of the Ultimate Star incantation anywhere in the scroll. He lied to me, I insisted on using it even though the scroll said that after I used it, my life would be taken away. But I'm here now."

"And you're lucky to still be alive." Varian said.

They heard keys opening the cell door.

“Oh what in the world?!” Eugene yelled. “Why are the Royal Engineer and the Star Knight doing here? And who’s that kid?”

“We found them stealing horses, sir.” One of the guard soldiers replied.

“Uh, no we weren’t. It was all him,” Varian pointed at Jake.

“No, you guys were in it too!” Jake said.

Varian and Star stared him down.

“Okay, fine! It was all me.”

“Wait, so you are the Star Knight?” the guard was stunned.

“Yes, yes I am. I was telling the truth the whole time!"

“Oh.” the guard said.

“Oh, well…” the other guard scratched his head. “We’ve never seen the Star Knight in person. We’ve only heard about you. We thought you were older…”

“And taller!” his partner added.

Star pouted. She didn't like it when people reminded her how short she is.

“Anyways, looks like we finally caught the Horse Thief!” One of the guard soldiers said proudly.

“Up high!” His partner raised his hand and gave him a high five,

“What are you guys talking about?” Jake was confused. “I’m not the horse thief.”

“But you have to be…” said the guard soldier. “We caught you red handed. Or should I say red headed, eh? Eh?” The soldier nudged his partner, but he simply rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I stole a horse. But I’m not the Horse Thief. This was my first attempt at stealing anything.”

Eugene facepalmed. “Okay, okay. First things first. Redhead, I think your dad is here to bail you out.”

“Really?” Jake stood up. “Ha! I told you guys I would leave without any problems!”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Eugene grabbed Jake by the collar as he exited. “You’re not leaving yet, kid. We told your dad that we will only let you leave if you gave back all the stolen horses.”

“But I already told you that I am not the Horse Thief...but I do know where we can look for them.”

“Okay then, I’ll cut you a deal, kid. You have 24 hours to get back those horses or you have to say hello to these.”

“What? You're Captain of the Guards! Why can't you do it?”

"Look between my captain duties and the wedding planning, time hasn't been a thing I have a lot of. Plus, you walk out of here free. I see this as a win-win.”

“But I didn’t even steal anything!”

“Okay, fine!” he finally gave in.

“But you do know where the horses are, don’t you?”

“I—uh,” Jake got tongue tied.

Star felt bad for him. He had to be telling the truth. Why else would this kid have been caught if he already took so many horses but haven't been caught in the past two weeks?

“I’ll help you…” Varian said.

“Really?” Jake’s face lit up.

Star nudge Varian.

“What do you think you’re doing!” she whispered to him.

“Come on, he doesn’t seem that bad!”

“Did you forget the part where he tried to steal my horse?”

“Yeah, I’ll help you too.” Star grumbled.

“No,” Varian whispered back, “but I also didn’t forget how it felt like being in prison either.”

Star didn’t argue with him and she felt mortified for saying that. She has been here for a couple of hours and it wasn’t fun. She hadn’t really thought about Varian and his time in prison. If she didn’t like it, why would she let anyone else go through that.

“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! We are going to be the most epic dream team ever!” Jake squealed.

“Well, better get going kids. Time is ticking.” Eugene said.

“Let’s go!” Jake said as he ran off.

#tangled #tangled the series #tangled au #tangled the series fanfiction #tangled the series au #my writing #the star knight #the star knight au #fanfic #tangled fanfiction #tangled oc #tts oc #rta oc #rapunzel's tangled adventure

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