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seldaryne · 4 months

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haven't finished the durge pt yet (idc about spoiling anything though that has 0 impact on me enjoying the game fdgh) but i've been thinking Thoughts.

edit okay as i was writing this i went ahead and just read up on the backstory so i could continue my thoughts in a coherent manner lmfao

(lots of info here, apparently ive gotten Very attached to her in the last uh. three weeks give or take. kinda sorta chronological?? idk it makes sense to me lmao)

velrith probably definitely only settled on that name in act 2. prior that she was just called whatever people drifted to if they needed her attention. & she didn't really care, having a void for memories will do that to a bitch, but it can make introductions awkward or give them a weird 'im too good to even give you my identity' energy. not super great when paired with someone who doesn't really emote or put a ton of effort into masking tonal inflections. she pointedly allowed other people to do more of the talking as a result for a while & would get roped into conversations that way.

i'd like to go ahead and tie in astarion's frequent use of pet names here to this too. he's got a goal here, and can't just drop a 'hey you' every time he's angling for something. it's easier to fill in the blanks that way & make sure it doesn't come across as cold and calculated as the seduction actually is for a time. of course, the mental gymnastics weren't necessary here. aside from the fact that she's extremely intense about her oath & therefore is legally obligated to send cazador straight to hell on sight, he'd also have the same luck with a low-effort, straightforward 'do you want to have sex?' the lines are... usually fine, never actually crossing boundaries, but she does find a lot of them to be really goddamn weird & unnecessary when the point could be made in less than 10 words.

picture a distraught-looking sighthound & you have the general idea of the face she makes when he lays it on thick. she's giving her best shot at a socially appropriate expression. it's not working.

also on names, she can't say for sure if that's who she was before or if she just pieced together syllables that sounded like Something from memory. again, doesn't really matter either way, since she's not in any hurry to reclaim her former self. it's fine.

ketheric felt straightforward. a tragic figure who she did extend an olive branch towards, but ultimately felt nothing when it came time to bring her blade down (besides, isobel seemed like she knew what she was talking about when velrith confessed [suddenly coming back into her room just to point-blank tell her about the desire to spill her blood] certain thoughts of violence towards the cleric, and it felt like the sort of assurance she should be trusting, right? more than any of her own emotions, anyway.)

gortash gives her the ick. like, there's no other way to describe that one. he actually probably still would even without all the history (and the fact that he needed to repent for what he'd done to karlach), but the slimy over-familiarity was really the nail in the coffin there. velrith isn't smooth nor particularly socially gifted, but she has a certain air of formal pride she carries herself with. acting like you know her better than she does herself (even if it may very well be the truth!) is so beyond an overstep of what she's able to function with. stripping away everything else, if he even tried to touch her casually on the shoulder, he would have been liable to lose that hand.

orin troubles her. for the obvious reasons, but she also just... pities her. almost. pre-tadpole, velrith was honestly relatively similar compared to her current personality. colder and more able to justify slaughter, sure, but still staunchly refusing to compromise her own feelings for social games. she understood how the game pieces moved when she watched other people, even when she was younger, but if asked to copy the same techniques, she was only ever able to bludgeon straight through in a line. consequently, people don't really care how strange you are if you're just that good at your job. orin made a one-sided rivalry out of someone who otherwise just regarded her as a peer in the same arena, and now sees her as someone who wouldn't have been able to take the chance at redemption even if it had been on the table. she was too far gone, unable to stand on her own or cope with the fact that she would always be lesser than someone who genuinely could not have cared less about standings. maybe if velrith had feigned some interest, there wouldn't have been so much hatred. or maybe there would have.

either way, she sees orin in a depressing light. someone who had nothing and no one but the prospect of power, and who crumbled as soon as that chance at power was taken away. to let her live would have been to co-sign on her projecting those emotions outwards. velrith isn't stupid and knows there's a good chance she might have gone the same way if she hadn't been lucky enough to receive her parasite. in another life, she thinks that maybe she could have found a connection, and they might have saved each other (either genuinely or in a twisted version of the word). this isn't a thought she shares with anyone. she thinks about that death and their interactions for a long time afterwards.

her 'normal' childhood sometimes comes to her in fleeting memories that disappear out of her periphery if she focuses too hard. she thinks she liked her parents, and they seemed like nice people from what she can semi-recall. but she can also tell that there's always just been something wrong with her if she compares herself to other people. many of these snippets feature her looking anywhere but at her parents' faces, unable to express herself verbally in a way they could understand (the words were right, they way she used them was... her own, shall we say?). something flipped at some point, and all of the sudden she would stare too much at them, not blinking or looking away at the right moments. they'd seemed to squirm a bit under this. they always seemed a bit sad when they looked at her, as if they'd loved her but she was never quite as they hoped she would be.

she had to be taught what to do during a hug as an older child instead of leaving her arms limp at her sides. she knows that.

she doesn't remember killing them. she doesn't remember how it would have felt to receive her first order or how she was unable to do anything but listen to the violent urges.

there's more guilt for not feeling much towards them than there is for the killing.

the staring hasn't shifted again. she knows she looks at people too hard and/or too long, looks at them dead in the eyes and studies their faces, but she can't help it. one, it's good to be aware and alert. two, looking away doesn't seem to be the answer either. at least this way they know she's paying attention, right?

she thinks she shouldn't care about these things, that it's so ridiculous coming from her blood-soaked past, laughable that she'd wonder what it meant to have people relax in your presence instead of becoming more visibly anxious. but she wants to be good, she really, really does. she wants to be able to join a group like everyone else, slipping seamlessly into their words and laughing how they laugh instead of her own (the faintest of smiles and a soft rush of air running past her lips, blink-and-you'll-miss-it laughter that may as well not exist outside of her head). she doesn't hate herself for these things, because she doesn't know how else to be, but she does wonder. she wants to know what it's like for these things to be easy. bhaal's favourite hadn't been blessed with charisma, apparently.

consequently, she has a very hard time now figuring out how to actually connect with anyone, or what it should feel like to have friends.

it made her somewhat uncomfortable in the beginning to be asked questions by these people on a regular basis. not even personal questions, just things to signal that she existed to them in some capacity. gale remembers when she'd wrinkled her nose at a certain seasoning, and leaves it off her plate when he makes dinner going forward. lae'zel likes how she fights and asks her questions on technique, asking to spar so she could better understand the answers. shadowheart thinks they're alike with similar holes in their memories, and seeks out her company because of it. she doesn't understand, and for a while she even feels a bit suffocated by it. exposure therapy is really the only remedy here.

initially there are some reasonable assumptions on whether she just dislikes them all that much, or if she thinks she's better than them, or some other nasty reason. it takes approximately two conversations with her for everyone to understand that's not the case. it's like speaking to someone who only every studied social behaviour from an incomplete textbook and was visibly struggling to fill in the gaps in real-time. is she scary? yes, a bit. does she stare at you Way too much when you're speaking to her (at her, really, because you will be carrying that conversation until she's gotten her footing)? also yes. but she's really earnestly trying to sort herself out for the sake of the people around her, brain twisting around itself to learn things that were as easy as breathing to most. and it's sort of sweet, in its own way.

over time, she stops simply caring about these people based on her code of ethics. she starts to remember things about them too, her love language starts to show itself through gift-giving at an absolutely glacial pace, but it's noticeable to literally everyone despite that. a small trinket picked up at the market matching shadowheart's usual taste is pressed into her hand with only a nod before velrith is turning on her heel and almost running away. a tome is thrust at wyll with such startling intensity that the kindness actually comes off as a bit of a threat, but she looks visibly relieved when he takes it with a smile. so on and so forth. every incident like this, every blunt display of 'i notice you. i think you would like this. i thought of you today,' is accompanied by a hasty exit. task accomplished, but now the script has run out, so she's doing the same. she also finds it hard to look at people once the exchange has taken place, and is pretty sure this is an affliction only she suffers from.

she's going to push through it anyway, even if it makes her skin feel like its trying to recoil off her bones.

it also comes out in the protection. again, it's expected as a paladin of devotion, but no one is quite prepared for the molten fury that burns in her eyes or the weight of her voice whenever ghosts from the past arise. not only has she sworn her protection to those suffering from harm (and names like orin, gortash, cazador, viconia & more absolutely qualify as those who cause harm), but it feels personal. acting as shield and guillotine is when velrith is truly in her element, standing tall and embodying the virtues laid out in her tenets.

she is fighting internally just as much as externally, pushing back against base instincts to continue her sworn oath. driving her sword through the flesh of the emperor is just as much about defeating him as it is proving to herself that she is still capable of goodness. if she falls here, she can at least die knowing she was dedicated to rebellion until her very last breath.

this does not mean that she actually registers it when people like her, though. in fact, once she pieces together what her true nature is (she hadn't wanted to kick that poor animal, or make a spectacle of that nice bard's corpse, or try to rip out astarion's throat as he slept--but she had done those things, and more, and what's worse, some of them don't even to her like they would anyone else) she's pretty sure that the unanimous, logical choice would be to put her at a distance.

so she braces, prepares, makes peace with returning to the status quo & starts pulling away before staging her little ted talk. jaheira catches her first, though, and it gets to her. she's not spoken much to the woman, but she's... incredibly understanding, actually. so much so that it leaves velrith with a profound ache in her chest when she rolls over and tries to sleep again (jaheira's insistence, and her promise to stand watch all night in case she lost control again). being around jaheira hurts like hell, but she still seeks her out after that incident. she looks at her kindly but doesn't treat her with any more fragility than before. she's good-humoured when answering question after question about bhaalspawn, and stays honest the whole time too. she seeks her out when she isolates as much as she can on the outside of camp, dropping a sack of potatoes at velrith's feet and sitting beside her so that they can peel them in easy silence.

she likes that the most. sometimes it feels like velrith's head is too full; not from the parasite or the echoes of a murderous god, but from--she's not sure, actually, but it makes thinking hard, and speech tends to take a temporary leave as well. no amount of coaxing makes a difference, it'll return when it decides to. that's the bad sort of silence, the type that other people feel like they should fix so that everyone can be comfortable again. except jaheira, who apparently can figure out what she needs before velrith can even process that question. and sometimes, she just needs to peel some potatoes for a bit.

standing before everyone else, she prepares for the logical choice of rejection again. instead, she's greeted with shrugs, support, sympathy, but overall--not much of a change. that's the part that sends her off, only pausing just long enough to take a breath before excusing herself to the surrounding woods. it hurts so damn much, being loved like this. she wonders if any technicalities in her oath actually require her to slay herself at this point, just based on the implications alone. they should be appalled. fearful. cold. and she'd wound herself up so much inside determining this to already be the only end to her confession. bare your soul, lose what you'd only started to ease into, return to your duty.

the other shoe never does drop, though. it's gone so catastrophically well that she can't even make the tears flow properly (she's only done it once before that she remembers, but that should be adequate). instead, her sobs are muffled gasps against her hands, choking on her own confusion as she sinks to the ground, shaking.

of course, this comes out after the "incident", in the underdark, which means astarion has already seen her cry precisely once of something that seemed to her a similar scale. he's got a better handle on it, he'd like to believe, and he can sense that he's being silently volunteered for the 'fetch our bhaalspawn' quest. she's not hard to find either, an ice-white tiefling amongst the greenery with her head hidden in her arms, folded in on herself like she's not worth the weight of her own bones. it's sad, and a little annoying, actually, because if she was to insist that he possessed worth like it was the most obvious fact in the world, like he was strange for not feeling the same way, why shouldn't that same sentiment extend in her direction.

of course, there's little he can say to soothe in a way that matters, he's not going to make that mistake again, but he's at least able to bring her up for air. yes my love, perhaps it is foolish and unwise for any of us to stay around something so dangerous, but that argument can be made in many directions, not just yours. you would be the first among us to dismiss those very notions if they were coming from someone else, and have done so--multiple times, may i add--as bhaalspawn. if there's upset about the reveal, i'm confident that it's more to do with how you feel than anything else.

and really, what's she supposed to do with that aside from break even more (from relief, maybe? tension and fear of rejection that she hadn't known how to recognize, hadn't known she was holding onto? the understanding that this is not just from him, but on behalf of everyone else too?) and crumble into him.

against all odds, she is worthy of loving. despite her bloodline and her personal shortcomings, she is worthy of that much.

nothing in half-measures, as most paladins tend to be. does she remember when or why or even how she took the oath? not even a bit. but it's the only thing in her head when she wakes up on the mind flayer ship, the sole thing she's sure of, the only guiding direction she has. it should be enough to understand right and wrong, but it isn't for her. following the oath is a choice, something she can steady herself on when nothing else makes sense. devotion to her cause of protection, restoring some of the balance in the world that she lost before orin killed her. maybe that was why she lived; something needed her to right some of her sins before death arrived. or maybe a divine power was looking for someone who wouldn't be missed if they were lost in stopping the ithilids.

whatever it is, she does everything in her power to stick to it. until, of course, life happens (as it tends to) and she does something in the underdark. what did she do? she doesn't know, because she thought she was helping--that myconid was going to betray the colony that took him in when he lost all others. she raised her sword when it was clear a scolding wouldn't change his mind. and then... the sinking feeling that something was wrong.

something was missing. the only part of her that felt like it was anything was gone, and for the first time (maybe ever?) she gets emotional. there's no anchor anymore, no calming guide of tenets to follow.

the oathbreaker knight will find her later, she knows. at camp, she's distraught, and the little bit she dared interact goes out the window entirely. there's nothing anyone could actually say that would help, anyway. this does not stop astarion from trying.

glib as ever, were she in a more normal headspace she would have seen the dismissive comment for the hand-waving attempt at comfort it was. he probably knows there's nothing he can actually say to bring her down, but surely a joke (meant to reassure that she would be fine regardless, whether the oath stayed broken or was re-taken, she was competent on the field and he at least trusted her that much) would be alright?

it was not.

for all that he carried, he could not--did not--understand. of course he could be cavalier about it; despite all that was taken from him, he still had his own gods-damned name. he knew who he was, wasn't scrambling to put together fragments of his own ghost just to make some unimpressive small talk like she was. she has not yet chosen her name at this point, and that oath is where she begins & ends as a person.

he's silent when she snaps, unexpected. like a cornered animal about to tear its own leg out of a trap, daring anyone to come closer to 'help' so that they too can be maimed. a total loss for words, even when she stalks off to keep herself from acting out even further (who knows how prone she would be to violence now? not her!), raising her voice for the first time at him in pure grief.

he doesn't really get it, but he understand more in the middle of all that. the pieces click together in his mind, working themselves out during the berating. the gods never answered his cries, and so his outlook remained fairly bleak on the whole pantheon. paladins occupied a space at the opposite end of the spectrum, and he'd assumed that her more uptight habits were an offshoot from that (it's not like she gave him a ton to work with, either. he did his best from what he was allowed to see). for her, there may as well have been no gods involved in any capacity. it was simply the thing that kept her from fracturing entirely, now gone thanks to a misunderstood line in the agreement.

she still refuses to speak to him, even after she's begged for the oath back--she'll be good this time, really, she'll be good, she promises, it won't happen again, please--and received it successfully. she's not talking much to anyone, feeling both too exhausted and over-sensitive to even contemplate that. his apology isn't... good, exactly. but it's honest and that's really all she gives a shit about. things are still weird and cold for a bit, manifesting in a physical distance & reinforcing just how off his initial read on her was. but it's her first real brush with interpersonal conflict, so learning curves are expected. time and circumstance eventually help things settle, with there being bigger things to worry about.

she's quiet during sex. responsive and hyper-aware of her body, definitely, but still restrained. she enjoys the act, however, despite the lack of volume, and this shows through a readiness to explore and feel things. the ability to feel physical pleasure is something that at least seems to be something she has in common with most people. but she's overly permissive too, sometimes uncomfortably so; she's simply not attached enough to her body to have real concerns or strong preferences. at first glance, this seems to be deference, the need to be agreeable in every situation lest she tip the scales too much in her own direction.

he puts his finger on that after the third encounter, and finds himself taking a break from her for a while after as a result (once again, an act that she's absolutely fine with--god, has the thought of challenging him ever even crossed her mind in this department?). Further observation, however, reveals something else. her actions are exploratory. experimental. there's no frame of reference, she needs to establish preferences all over again for this version of herself. in fact, he sees that this extends to other tasks people ask of her as well. every action or accompaniment is met with the same reserved curiosity, considering what's being asked of her before ultimately deciding to try something new. perhaps that was why he felt like he was being intensely studied if he squints.

there's no doubt that she does see him. but she only sees enough to know that she lacks the connections to actually do anything with that. an unbalanced, vexing sort of safety net. (still, there was probably no one better for him to glue himself to than a paladin, and he tells himself that's why he spends so long trying to figure her out. because surely, her motivations can't be as obviously honest as they come across--can they?)

it's only after she tells him on the name she's privately decided to give herself (private for now, since everyone else will be informed in the morning) that he starts to realize just how much he enjoys kissing her. she's not nearly as practiced as he is, but gods, there's such a single-mindedness to the kisses it actually leaves him dizzy. her focus is so all-encompassing, the world around them may as well have been unravelling at its seams and she still wouldn't break contact. chasing pleasure but holding back just enough to keep her head above the water, prolonging the act as much as she can. he's been kissed before. many times, actually, but not like this.

there is... so much disappointment when rejecting bhaal doesn't actually change anything fundamental in her. on one hand, that really does mean that it's been her personality the entire time. that the good choices she made were hers, and they were worth fighting for.

on the other hand, fostering even that small seed of hope that she might become less of herself and more like other people had been a dangerous game. the distance remains, along with the lack of understanding and knowledge that some things would always be more hard-won for her, while others would simply be entirely beyond her reach. knowing this logically is one thing. accepting it is... entirely different. it will take time, and she will at least allow herself as much so as to properly grieve a version of herself whose body knew how to laugh freely.

she'll be okay.

#bg3 durge #oc tag #velrith #screams this got away from meeeee fdghj #trying her absolute best. doesnt understand people doesnt understand how to Be a person but by god. she is trying.#bg3

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alicehattera03 · 8 months

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I come with theories this time!

You died. But hey! You were lucky and some Goddess took pity on your soul and stuffed it into the body of the still unborn Athanasia de Alger Obelia. Oh and you have no Idea if this new world follows the book, the manwha, or some fanfiction.

How would you cope? Would you run away like Athy tried at the beginning? Would you crave your new dads attention and try to win his love? Would you start a revolution? Follow Aetherntrash? Give Jeanette the throne and be her shadow? Fall in Love with somebody? (Our Male Protagonist or even the reclusive wizard? Or find a new love not being known to you?) Would you even be able to see them as people? Not just characters you loved and liked to read about? How would you cope being an older soul in a younger body?

How would you rule if you tried the Empress Route and sit someday on your golden throne? How would you manage?

Just...general stuff I am really interested about because of what you write normally and what you would do personally would differ I guess.

Love and hoping the heat didnt grill you yet because here its only a few grades away :(

Hello dearest!!!

And - I WHAT NOW!?!

[AliceHatter has died.]

Ah, shit. Here we go again. 💀

Ahahaha okok well, this is something new. Considering, I've never really thought about what it'd be like if I was actually Athy, cause well, hmm...idk really, I guess I just never really thought about me personally, so this will be interesting. Also, pls goddess, let it NOT be my fics because good god, that is hell on earth whew.

How would I cope?

Well, humans are by nature very adaptable(whether that's good or bad idk lol) so I'd probably get used to not having wifi and throw myself into studying for some validation and probably ways to get rid of black magic lmao

Would you run away like Athy tried at the beginning?

I wouldn't run away, but I'd probably try to kms when I'm able to walk after being born because hello, there are no phones, no laptops, no wifi!!! What do I do for entertainment when I run out of books!!?!?

Would you crave your new dads attention and try to win his love?

Considering I tried to kms when I was just a baby, maybe at some very early point Claude would get interested and keep me at his side just to keep watch over what I do and in turn, starts saving me from the brink of death?? Maybe around then, I'd start to get attached to him and try to attract his attention by acting older than a baby...maybe like those FLs who act like geniuses at a young age when they're actually reincarnated(wow that sounds awful when I write it out but hey, it's a solid idea)

Would you start a revolution? Follow Aetherntrash?

To the first, probably not? I'd make lots of alliances with foreign countries and within Obelia itself just in case but I'd want Claude to still rule cause I'd be legitimate that way. Plus, he IS the strongest emperor ever, so...as long as I can figure out how to get rid of the black magic, he's a safer bet than Aeternitas who would get rid of me in a heartbeat so he can sit on the throne himself. So in answer to the second, hell nah, he can go fuck himself or Roger lololol Athy will- I mean, I will find a way to intercept his plans, probably from the debutante.

Give Jeanette the throne and be her shadow?

WHAT- I mean, ok, that's a reasonable option, but in the world where I wouldn't know which plot the world is following, I wouldn't know for sure until I meet her, but even still, a very high probability of no. I wouldn't hate her if she's the WMMAP version but if she's the novel version, ugh. If she's a fanfic version...depends on who she's written by. If she's by me, except for very few, I wouldn't like that at all...if she's written by someone who loves her dearly(which means they hate me...) then I'd die, so I'd rather just keep my distance and send her and Roger packing.

Fall in Love with somebody? (Our Male Protagonist or even the reclusive wizard? Or find a new love not being known to you?

Oooh, I'd love to fall in love with somebody. The question is, would they fall in love with me? Or the version I present as my version of Athy? If I acted like the lovable and intelligent Athanasia, thousands would fall, but if I acted like me and the way I want to portray her as I wanted her to be: stronger, harsher, an heir with an iron fist just like her father- would they be able to fall in love? Anyways, leaving those existential questions for when I actually get isekai-d lmao I wouldn't fall in love with Lucas. Unfortunate ahaha but I'd love to have him as an ally. Ijekiel on the other hand...I was pushing for Athy to end up with him, so he'd be a strong contender. If someone else comes into the picture, I wouldn't mind as long as they have the qualities of: a high rank that is near or matches Athy's, appearance-wise doesn't look like a squid next to her, and is intelligent enough to keep up with her conversations.

Would you even be able to see them as people? Not just characters you loved and liked to read about?

That's a real question...I think for a long while, I wouldn't be able to see them as anything but words on a page. Descriptors that I used to write, strokes of a pen across a tablet screen, I would feel their warmth and even look in the mirror and think, this world feels amazingly real. Would it even register to me that it was, in fact, now my reality? That they were, in fact, tangible people that could laugh, cry, love and die? It would be inevitable that I would find them to be people, but I think it'd be a long road to get there.

How would you cope being an older soul in a younger body?

AHAHAHA depends~ am I an older soul in the first place?? But if we're going off that I was older when I died and got stuffed into Athy's body, I'd use it as well as I could- plus be happy at restarting life lmao. Using all the knowledge I had from my previous life to prepare for my later years instead of learning the basics from scratch. I'd probably go as Athy did, learning new languages and studying early on, I have to make sure I don't act like a useless pawn but a useful heir. I'd also, frankly be annoyed at having to act like a child in a child's body so I'd do away with that and just have people get creeped out by how adult-like I act. Tell them to deal with it, I've got no time for their feelings ahaha

How would you rule if you tried the Empress Route and sit someday on your golden throne? How would you manage?

If I really did go into Athy's body, there would be no other route other than the Empress route imo. I don't have the patience or the large heart to let anyone else take the throne other than Athy. In my eyes, she's always been the one who deserved it the most after Claude, so I'd do anything and everything in my power to make sure she sits on it. Well...that I sit on it. I'd rule with generosity to those who help the weak out of the goodness of their hearts, rule with bared fangs at those who dared to overstep. I'd hope to be a ruler that would go down as being great rather than a powerless coward, but not as a bloodthirsty tyrant. I'd keep Obelia the same size, maybe expand, just a little, being too greedy was the downfall of many Emperors. Increase the networks by sea to increase trade itself, travel to widen my horizons.

Managing though....eek. I hate the idea of managing all those territories and worrying about people coming to assassinate me in the middle of the night + all the political jargon I'll have to learn and assimilate into every meeting with the nobility + having to do so much work...I'll probably make Claude and Ijekiel pull their weight and help me out while I pick out at least one secretary to help me for a while. Maybe my obstinateness will never let me pass the work onto someone else, my pride will get in the way? There goes my lazy days 😭

All in all, I do hope this was alright in terms of an answer-! It was very hard knowing that I was the one doing this and not Athy- at least a version of Athy- but I stopped cringing halfway because I had forgotten how fun it was to imagine myself in situations instead of a character. So, thank you, lovely for the wonderful, wonderful, ask!!! 🥰

#answering asks #asks answered #ask response #ask reply #ask box #ask #wmmap

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audioaujom · 10 months

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27: Victim's Memoirs [wrong end 4 ★5]

Corpse Party Hub, < prev, next >

This is wrong end 4 ★5 from Chapter 2! A lot of these bad endings are fucked up and awful but I honestly debated not writing this one because it’s nasty, but… when whump calls lmao

I've also written (or begun writing) nearly every other bad ending for this game and I guess this one felt left out idk

I know compared to a lot of the other graphic shit on this hellsite this is probably nothing, but I’d feel uncomfortable posting this without a bunch of warnings. I don’t really have a taste for such graphic things, but I’m actually kind of pleased with how it came out. I like the ick ig Be safe and enjoy responsibly.

Pairing: Ranboo and Charlie

Word Count: 3190

Chapter TWs: Mind Manipulation ("Darkening"), Graphic Depictions of Violence, Gore, Implied/Referenced Cannibalism, Vomiting, Character Death

“Whoa hey, do you see that?” Charlie asked as he stepped out of the classroom, Ranboo poking his head out the door to look over his friend’s shoulder at the floor.

“The notebook paper with blood on it?” Ranboo asked, Charlie turning around to face him with a sinister grin. “Yeah, I see it. Why?”

“C’mon, aren’t you curious?” Charlie all but whined, his eyes darting back and forth between the page and Ranboo’s disapproving glare from the doorway.

“Uhm, not really. What’s it gonna say? ‘Here’s how to get out of this horrible haunted elementary school in three easy steps’?”

“It could!” Ignoring the obvious deadpan, Charlie smiled hopefully up at Ranboo—who just sighed and shook his head.

“No, it really couldn’t.” Ranboo then paused, an unreadable look crossing his face before he continued, “But I’m not going to stop you if you do wanna look.”

“Aha! You are curious!” Charlie poked a finger into the taller boy’s chest, his smile splitting into a wide grin. “It’s just as I suspected!” Triumphant, he turned and swiped the paper up off the ground, eyes scanning the page from behind his glasses before his grip on the page tightened and his face paled. “Oh. Oh god nevermind.”

“What? What’s it say?” Ranboo asked, his own curiosity morbidly piqued by Charlie’s horror, taking the scrap paper from his friend who passed it over wordlessly.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — I ate my friend today. What else was I supposed to do? I was starving. We both were. And there's no food here. So we decided, together, that one of us should try to live just a little bit longer. If I ever get home, I'm supposed to tell all the people waiting for us what happened. We left it all up to a game of rock-paper-scissors. Loser eats winner. And I lost. I felt her blood going down my throat, quenching my thirst. And her meat was surprisingly satisfying. But that blood and that meat was once my friend. Up until just a few hours before, I'd been talking with her. As I feasted, I just kept thinking, this food used to be a person. Before I tore it apart, it all worked together to sustain a life. And every time I thought about that, I just started crying… and I couldn't stop. I wanted some part of her to be with me even after she died, so I decided to keep one of her eyeballs. And I thought maybe I should write all of this down, to help preserve some small portion of my sanity. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

“Oh.” Ranboo gagged in disgust and horror, dropping the page to put one hand over his mouth as the other went to clutch at his stomach. “Well, alright. That’s… wow, okay. Um…”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Charlie tried to joke, but it fell flat as his voice shook nervously. He then put a gentle hand on Ranboo’s shoulder, quietly suggesting, “Let’s just… leave that there.”

“Yeah. Good idea.” Ranboo nodded, staring down at the paper on the floor, his look turning to a slight glare. “Just when I think things can’t get any worse…”

“C’mon, let's keep looking somewhere else.” Charlie offered, lightly pulling Ranboo by the arm away from the classroom and towards the stairs.

The two silently made their way back down to the first floor, wanting to search in a more orderly fashion by working their way up from the bottom. By the time they’d made it downstairs the odd tension in the air had already dissipated, them hunting in a much more comfortable silence until—

“Uhm… Ranboo? Is that…?” Charlie asked tentatively, pointing at another rather innocuous piece of notebook paper lying behind a ruined table near the rows of shoe shelves at the front doors.

“Another bloody piece of notebook paper probably containing horror beyond my worst imagination?” Ranboo responded rhetorically, giving Charlie a look as he blandly stated, “I think so.”

“Would it be wrong of me to say I’m still curious?” Glancing at Ranboo beside him, Charlie quickly backpedaled, “Not in a weird sort of way, I just… if it’s from the same person I want to know what happened to them.”

Ranboo stared at him blankly. “Why are you asking for my permission?”

“It makes me feel better.”

“Wow, no hesitation there.” Ranboo shook his head at his friend’s immediate answer, sighing and gesturing forward at the page. “Sure. Go read it if you really want to.”

“Okay!” Charlie nodded, jogging forward and crouching down before looking up as he realized he wasn't being followed. “Are you not coming too?”

Ranboo stood still for a long moment before he finally gave in and stepped over with a quiet, “...coming.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — I hold, in the palm of my hand... a piece of a person's body. A piece of a person who was living and breathing only a short while ago. This body part used to be attached to her head. And now, I'm walking around the school with it. I had no idea eyeballs were so heavy. And I just keep squishing it in the palm of my hand, as if I'm testing its firmness. Squeeze, and release... Squeeze, and release… — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

“Okay.” Charlie announced, dropping the page immediately after finishing it. “Somehow that’s worse than the vivid description of cannibalism.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Ranboo grinned as Charlie turned to look at him, betrayed.

“Hey! That’s my line!” He whined with his own smile, before it slowly faded alongside the playful air as realization started to dawn on his face. “But dude… this place is really fucked up. The bodies we keep coming across are all of kids, which means—”

“Don’t. I’m gonna stop you right there.” Ranboo cut him off, firmly waving both of his hands and shaking his head for emphasis. “I don’t… don’t. Nope. I am not going to think about the implications. You are not going to think about the implications. There are no implications. None.”

Charlie nodded, his widened eyes slowly closing as he let out a breath to calm himself down. “No problem.”

Working their way around the main floor and then to the row of first floor classrooms, the second page—while weird—was long forgotten as the two briefly bickered about how to open the nailed shut door at the back of 2-A until Ranboo remembered the nail puller they’d found earlier. The secret room was strange, with large gaps in the floor and a mechanism at the far corner, the two venturing all the way to the back corner to look over the mechanism to try and figure out what it did.

“...Charlie.” It was Ranboo who broke the silence this time, an arm flying out to the side to stop Charlie in his tracks about halfway into the room. The two boys paused, both noticing the page on the floor.

“Are these notes following us around or something?” Charlie questioned with a frown, pushing Ranboo’s arm away. “Cause we can’t seem to go more than a few feet without finding another one.”

“I don’t like this at all.”

“Yeah, that’s… fair.” Nodding to himself, Charlie paused before shuffling forward a few steps. “...I’ve gotta, right?”

“No, you really don’t.” Ranboo answered, Charlie ignoring him as he bent down to pick up the page with a shit-eating grin. “That sounds like a yes to me!”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — I've been searching every last corner of this school building, trying to find a way of escaping with her. But it's not happening. No matter how much we struggle, only further misery awaits us. I'm so unbearably thirsty… so hungry that it feels like my stomach is eating itself... And every moment, it gets worse. It's like a big, black mass in front of me that's slowly closing in. I can't keep ignoring it. I've started talking to the eyeball in my hand, to help stay focused and maintain my sanity. Stop looking at me like that! I swear, I'll find us a way out of here! I have to make sure I tell your family what you did for me… — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

“Hopeless. Lovely.” Ranboo commented from over one of Charlie’s shoulders, watching as his friend curiously started re-reading a section of the note.

“What’s that black mass thing they were talking about?” Charlie asked after he finished looking over the page, setting it back down with a huff. “That sounds a little more imposing than the hunger or thirst.”

“I’m not sure… but whatever it is we should avoid it if we can.” Ranboo sighed, staring down at the note on the floor, lost in thought.

“Oh. I assumed that went without saying.” Charlie agreed, before smirking and commenting, “Y’know, to avoid the big black ball.”

“Dude.”

“Not even a sliver of a smile?” Smirk dropping, Charlie sighed and shook his head. “Throw me a bone here man, I’m trying to cheer you up.”

“...thanks.” Ranboo smiled a little, recognizing Charlie’s effort but still too anxious to actually feel any sense of relief. “But the best way to cheer me up would be to stop reading these creepy notes and find a way out.”

“Aye aye, captain.”

Ignoring Charlie’s mock salute, they continued investigating each floor systematically in an on and off silence until they reached the end of one of the hallways on the third floor, the two noticing another bloodied page near a particularly large gap in the floorboards.

“Okay, I know you said to stop reading them, but it’s right there.”

“I already said I wouldn’t stop you like ten times, Charlie.” Ranboo sighed, watching Charlie run up to the page and instantly scan its contents.

“Epic.” About halfway down the page, Charlie's expression dropped, setting the page down with a wince of nausea. “Oh. Nevermind. I think I’m just gonna… put this back…”“What did it say?” Ranboo asked curiously, wandering over and picking up the page as soon as it hit the floor.

“Oh, you don’t wanna—” Charlie reached out to stop him, but was a moment too late as Ranboo had already begun reading. “Wait!”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — I am writing these memoris wit hsticky hansd but its not me that is stiky but somethng else I hope you re not mad about this maybe you will think im a horribl e person but i got hungry again really hungry like i was about to DIE so i I did something I shouldn't have done. I promised myself I would stay sane, and promised myself I wouldn't do what I did, and I am so, so sorry, really, really sorry, really sorry but there is no excuse for what I did. With my bloody hands, I took the thing that I've been squishing, and I put it in my mouth, and I swallowed it. Iateit. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

“...yeah.” Ranboo silently let go of the page as Charlie spoke, letting it slowly flutter through the air until it landed at his feet, Charlie grabbing him by the shoulders to maneuver him further down the hall. “Let’s go, Ran.”

“Yeah.” Ranboo nodded absentmindedly, fiddling with his hands before glancing over at Charlie and timidly asking, “We’ll figure this out, right? You and me?”

“You and me.” Charlie affirmed, squeezing his shoulders. “We got this.”

No matter how confident Charlie sounded Ranboo couldn’t shake his lingering anxiety, the longer they searched around the school with no clear goal only serving to make it continually spiral. By the time they’d backtracked to the second floor for a second time, it had gotten so bad he almost didn’t step off the landing and through the doorway to the floor, letting Charlie pull him along as he couldn’t seem to get himself to walk forward. The anxious ice in his veins that had shattered when Charlie urged him forward resurged rapidly after the briefest moment as both of them noticed the paper lying beside the large gap in the floor at the same time.

“...is that—?” Charlie asked, cutting himself off as the two stared at the page on the floor.

Ranboo nodded, dread coiling in his stomach as he couldn’t will himself to move any closer to it. “I think it is.”

“It’s fine.” Charlie said randomly, pulling Ranboo into a nearby classroom with a soft smile. “I’m not curious.”

“What? Really?” Ranboo asked, disbelieving, some of the dread giving way to relief as Charlie sounded genuine and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, really. We have other priorities right now.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” With a short nod from Ranboo, the two went back to investigating the small room. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”

The classroom held nothing useful, Ranboo giving up after a few minutes and slamming shut the teacher’s desk drawer he’d pulled open in a vain hope of finding anything they could possibly use. He turned to comment about the empty nature of the classroom to Charlie, only to realize his friend was no longer beside him. Confused, he poked his head out of the doorway to see where he could’ve gone in the minute he was distracted with rifling through the desk.

“Charlie? Where’d you— NO!” The yell of surprise ripped out of Ranboo before he knew what he was saying, staring at where Charlie was crouched on the floor by the staircase with the previously seen note clutched in both of his hands. “Charlie, what are you doing?!”

“Sorry, Ran. I’m too curious.” Charlie apologized, flashing him a quick smile. “Besides, this is probably the last one, anyway. No harm, no foul.”

Reaching out, Ranboo threw himself forward to try and take the page from Charlie—who easily ducked out of the way. “No, don’t—!”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — if you are reading this allow me to forewarn you there is no hope of rescue there is nothing to be gained endless wandering and endless torture is the nature of this place i succumbed to my hunger and thirst began nibbling on that corpse again there is no flavor, no sensation just meat and fluid to sate my empty belly i promised i would not desecrate your body any more but i broke that promise please forgive me — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Charlie had barely read the last few words on the page when his vision completely blacked out.

Everything felt wrong.

The last thing Charlie remembered was reading another one of the bloody notes—please forgive me—and then blacking out on the floor. His head hurt and his mouth tasted metallic, a hand coming up to messily wipe some blood leaking out of his mouth as he tried to sit up and figure out what was going on around him.

“Shit, my head—!” Charlie glanced around with half-opened eyes, shaking his head and looking around frantically for his friend only to realize he was alone in the hallway. “What… oh god, Ranboo? Ranboo?!”

Forcing his nauseous body to his knees, he felt his stomach roil and force a line of bile up his throat from the movement, trying hard to swallow it back only for the metallic taste in his mouth to grow stronger.

“What the fuck is—?” He asked, cutting himself off to spit out a thick wad of blood that was building up in his mouth, the contents landing in an oddly gloopy pile on the wood between his knees. He spat again, the blood a little thinner but still strange as he recoiled from it and toppled over backwards. “Shit, what the fuck…?”

Finally looking up and getting his vision to focus, Charlie wished he could fall back unconscious as he realized he wasn’t technically alone—but the only company he now had was his friend’s unmoving body.

An extreme amount of blood had soaked into the wood flooring beneath Ranboo’s still form, his throat torn open and windpipe crushed, his neck missing a large chunk of jagged flesh from the middle that had already stopped oozing. His mouth and eyes were wide open, the once lively gray now faded, glassy, and frozen in a kind of terror that made Charlie sick to his stomach all over again. The muscles on his upper arms had been torn clean off, white bone sticky with what was left of the crimson tendons and blood missing from his limp arms—one of his elbows bent all the way up the wrong way. His legs weren’t nearly as torn as his arms, but they were ripped by what looked like teeth marks from the knees all the way down to his shoes, pants shredded by the unnatural strength of whatever had attacked and left his mangled body in the middle of the hallway.

“What did… what?” Charlie scrambled back up to his hands and knees to crawl up to Ranboo’s body, afraid to touch him as he realized his hands were already slick with the same blood that formed dried drips on the front of his shirt—and was very likely Ranboo’s. “Oh god, no… no no no, this some twisted fucking joke, there’s no way I would’ve… oh fuck…” Metallic twinged bile threatened to rise up his throat again, Charlie only managing to turn his head at the last minute before the vomit could soil Ranboo’s already desecrated corpse. “Blood… everywhere and… no… no, please…”

Sitting innocently next to the body was a scrap of paper that managed to avoid the worst of the spilled bodily fluids, Charlie reaching for it with shaking hands as he recognized Ranboo’s scrawled handwriting.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — It’s okay, Charlie. I know this wasn’t you. Only the school and that black mist are to blame. If you ever come back to your senses and read this… I’m sorry I couldn’t stop you. I hope you make it out. - Ran — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The rest of the note trailed off into a thick coating of blood, Charlie’s eyes going unfocused with hot tears that gathered in the corners and threatened to stream down his already messy face. “There’s no way I… I did this…?” Charlie asked aloud, his strangely half-full stomach feeling infinitely heavier as he frantically tried to spit or even throw up more of the flesh and blood coating the inside of his throat. “I… oh god…”

Another retch had vomit with chunks of barely digested muscle landing in front of Charlie, his eyes blurry with now freely flowing tears and an odd faded black tint around the edges that creeped in with a cool chill. One hand went up to claw at his throat as the other braced him against the floor, overwhelmed with a self-loathing so strong it was only rivaled by the innate disgust that stung in his mouth like his stomach acid, him clinging desperately onto the awful feelings as they started to slowly slip away from his conscious grasp into the dark void that gave him a sense of deja-vu to when he’d finished reading the last of the bloody notes.

Charlie was tired and anguished and suddenly overwhelmingly… hungry. He just couldn’t fight it anymore. The hunger ate away at his feelings greedily, him collapsing to the floor as the dark haze re-took over his vision—leaving him in an empty heap of despair lying on the bloodsoaked wood next to Ranboo’s unmoving body.

#corpse party au #corpse party #fanfiction #fanfic #cross posted on ao3 #writing #whump #ranboolive #ranboo #ranboo fanfic #angst #charlie slimecicle fanfic #charlie slimecicle #generation loss

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abruisedmuse · 2 years

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Idk if you're ever gonna see this but did you ever end up writing the Elucien full fic you wanted to make back in April? The one where he meets and startles her late at night. I just couldn't find the link and I really wanted to read it. No worries if it doesn't exist! Just thought I'd ask :)

*Sorry for any typos. I can’t find my glasses and my vision sucks lmao

Hey Love!

I've been sitting on this ask for about a week unsure how to answer. (I didn’t mean to have it sit that long I was busy with Halloween.) Even though it's a relatively easy answer I wanna take this opportunity to state why my answer is what it is. I made a post a few months back but I can’t locate it.

Wouldn’t be surprised if I upset some people with this response but I need to get it all out. To be honest and transparent (blame the trauma and anxiety hooray!) I’m going to preface this by saying when I say acotar fandom, mention shippers or character stans I don’t mean all of them. I’ve met some amazing people within this fandom who I love to bits, it’s just better to use broader terms. I don’t mean to offended these are just my personal thoughts and how I feel as an individual. If anyone reading this does get offended well that says more about you than me doesn’t it?

Short answer: it’s in my docs. No I don’t have plans to finish it at the moment.

And here's why aka the long answer:

I am taking a huge step back from acotar. To put it simply, since acosf especially it hasn’t been a good fandom. There's been so much toxicity and immaturity within it. And Its honestly exhausting to see. No matter what social media you're on people are just...well they're ugly about alot of topics. Whether its ship wars, characters, or the story itself. It's just this circle you know? It's not just the E/riels or the Rhys can do no wrong stans. There's negativity in every corner of this fandom. Yes, all fandoms have this. Were all human and we wanna defend what we enjoy and what characters we like. However with the length people go to in this fandom to attack one another is shocking. People will literally chase someone on social media to drag them because of their opinions. I've seen this type of behavior in Harry Potter, Supernatural, Star Wars, Game of Thrones, a little in Stranger Things etc. Name a fandom I’ve seen it. I’ve never seen it to the magnitude that is Acotar. I mean I got dragged for posting a vote for overlays that I’m buying, people have poked fun of Sjm’s kids, bullying artists on insta, fic writers to the point they don’t want to be active anymore, commenting/reblogging fics with how much they hate the ship, among other things.

Around the time I began working on this fic there was more E/riel, Gwynriel, Elucien drama. On top of my recent experience with the voting this just added to my unhappiness and cause me to realize that I had fallen out of love with this fandom. I didn't wanna write for it. I didn't wanna make edits or posts for it anymore. Because why? Why dedicate my time and energy for such a hateful fandom? You’d think the toxic fans would be tired. But no. It’s always the fans that wanna be active and enjoy the space that become tired. That’s what I am. Tired. I’m over it. I know I’m not the only one.

I would really love to finish that fic and perhaps one day once I’ve distanced myself for some time and feel good going back I will. I do know what happens and it gets bad before it gets better. Because your ask was so sweet if you want the breakdown/outline of what happens I’d be happy to answer that. Aside from that consider me on hiatus from the acotar fandom. (You can still send me asks about acotar or anything sjm. but as far as original content it’s gonna be a long time.)

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pebblysand · 2 years

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Hi!!! Happy travels! (is that thing in French or English?) soooo, I see you're going to read Evelyn Hugo, and this is my official request that when you finish it you come back here and give your opinions on it! I have A LOT of feelings/opinions about it, but I'd like to hear from you! Have a nice day!

hey anon! thank you! i don't think "happy travels" is a saying per se, but the french is "good travels", so i get what you mean <3.

okay so i'd actually started evelyn hugo this summer, and finished the rest on the plane yesterday, so i'm happy to report back! spoilers below the cut.

i gave it a 4/5 in my own little book rating system, and overall, i really, really liked it.

what i loved:

i loved how queer it was (which i wasn't expecting), but also how realistic it was in terms of queer stigma - not only with its time, but also with the film industry in general. i loved the conversation where one of them is like "elton john's been out for years" and the other one is like "yeah, elton john isn't living off his straight sex appeal though." it's kind of true. say a male-gaze beauty icon like megan fox was to come out as gay, i'm not sure she'd be as marketable, etc. so, in sum, i loved that aspect of the book. i loved the struggle everyone experiences with the sexuality, and how hard being in the closet also is, lying to everyone all the time. i thought this was great.

i also loved the way the book deals with the passage of time, and the phenomenon of getting old, especially in the public eye. i love how it blurs over whole sections of evelyn's life, in a "life just happened" sort of way, because that's also the truth, isn't it? years just pass sometimes.

i also very much loved (i think this might actually be my favourite thing about the book) how much value it puts on friendship, and chosen families, rather than biological families. i thought this was very unusual and refreshing, in adult literature. children's literature often puts a lot of value on friendship, then it all becomes about romance, and what the fuck do these people do with their friends, you know? and i felt like the relationship between harry and evelyn in this book was every bit as important as her relationship with celia, and treated with the same level of care and respect, which i very much appreciated. the fact that the happiest time in evelyn's life seems to be when they were all living in manhattan together felt so very precious. i frankly started bawling (in public, on the plane lmao) when harry died, and didn't stop until connor died. that's also perhaps something i wasn't expecting about this book. it is sad.

what i loved... less:

the reason why this book is a 4 ⭐️ and not a 5 ⭐️ is two-fold.

first, whilst it was well-written (and, if i ever manage to write an original work of fiction to this level, i will be very happy), the style didn't make me go "wow". the prose was great, it was lively and definitely enjoyable, but it didn't have the jaw-dropping factor i sometimes find in novels like incendiary or normal people. those are my five-stars, and this just wasn't to that level.

second, and most importantly, i just didn't like the end. i felt like the final reveal fell... flat? at least, for me. if the story of monique's father was going to be the front and centre of her relationship with evelyn, i would have wanted more... context? on her life, on her parents? i feel like if that was going to be The Story, then why spent all that time on her failing marriage? when the reveal happened, i was like "wait, who is james grant?" 😆. i just wasn't as shocked as i feel i should have been. i feel like this part of the story was unnecessary, didn't really answer anything, and if the gayness of her own father was going to be the question, then this reveal should have occurred maybe mid-book, and given monique more time to react to it/sort it out? idk. i just felt like the evelyn story was so beautiful and intense, it could have stood on its own, without that final reveal.

additionally, i'm a bit annoyed that nothing was said about the way that monique seemed to think moving the body in the car was Perfectly Okay until she found out the dead guy was her father, at which point she freaked? i would have loved for her to have a conversation with evelyn (or at leats it be addressed somehow) about how morally reprehensible actions against people you don't know, often feel a lot more justifiable than morally reprehensible actions against people you do know. this was totally not addressed, and it frankly pissed me off.

so yeah, overall, i really liked the book, but it had its flaws. but i'm curious, what are your thoughts? ❤️

#the seven husbands of evelyn hugo #asked and answered

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taegularities · 1 year

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Hey rid, hope you're doing fine, soooo I've been thinking about this for a while now and I feel like I want to share it with you now, I was like really thinking of a fic/genre? Like online dating with loads and loads of angst and fluff? And I'm not talking about smauS, something like, the main characters meeting in a game? ( pretty realistic yep ik😂) with a snarky/mean reader and a soft..very soft/ emotional/ romanticist/ understanding basically husband material MC ( I feel like jk or v would suite this character but it could anyone) the oc is a bitch from outside but she's just as soft perhaps even more than the MC, all in all she's a nice and good character and that's why our perfect fell for her, he's also not a fuckboy or anything rarely dated anyone, oc does not have enough experience in sex, MC doesn't either but he's better than the oc, something like they grow and learn everything together, Falling in love, everything, angst could be related to both of their families? Like thy both have fucked up families the OCs mother is very mean but very protective over her ( oh and oc has 2 older sisters aswell) MC is sick of his dad, his dad is extremely mean to him aswell, the only best thing in their life is their relationship s sort of another world for them, where he's extremely affectionate to her and she's a meanie but also extremely affectionate to him aswell (the oc also has some health issues and she's always like sick, but he even love that about her, he loves everything about her, her sickness, her being mean, and a bitch, and also when she's showering her with love but that's a rarity given she's not used to showing affection, but he knows it, he can see when she's overly concerned when he gets sick or when he's having a bad day she would go out of her way to do anything for him, spend the whole day gaming with him eventhough she sucks at it or talking to him on call talking about random things eventhough she's not very talkative, basically very very fluffy and just lovey dovey) so yeah lmao u can say I've really thought about this..and I'm feel like you would give this fic justice, you're the only writer that came to mind who I can trust this fic with, but there's really mo pressure here, just a suggestion, and even if you chose not to make it in a fic that's completely okay aswell, Maybe that'll be my go to write a fic of my own lmao, I'm no writer by any chance it's just that I really really want to bring this fic into existence, AND I WANT STRESS ON THE FACT THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO DO IT IF YOU DONT WANT TO ITS COMPLETELY OKAY TO NOT WANT TO, THERES NO PRESSURE AT ALL AND NO BAD FEELINGS, LIKE AT ALL SO DONT FEEL BAD, (uk just in case)

hey lovely, i'm so sorry i'm so late, i promise i wasn't ignoring you jashdajkd i hope you've been all well !!! that's a cute idea 😭 idk why i'm always drawn to those cocky yet soft male characters, but i'd love to work with a pure, innocent, simp-y lil boy once.

ahhh, i definitely won't have time to write this, though, and i don't do requests; especially very specific ones mess up my creativity :') (can barely write my own stuff these days tbh 😭) BUT i would love to see this fic happen if anyone else wrote it or even you wrote it !! 🥺 that'd be a great opportunity for you, if you ever wanna try. it sounds sweet !! <33

#and thank you for thinking of me fr 🥺#notes for rid 🌹#anon #long ask

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blujayonthewing · 1 year

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WELL SINCE YOU ASKED! :D what's the best way to get to know your d&d OCs?? do you have a collection of info about some of your favorites somewhere? a series of memes? writing pieces? I'd love to have a good starting point to get to know them!

AHH HI HEY HELLO FIRST OF ALL I LOVE YOU FOR ASKING!! I wish I had a good, like-- something succinct to answer with, lmao. I have an OC About Page on my art blog, but it needs updating and isn't accessible on mobile :') I've been meaning to do pinned posts and/or make a carrd or something to intro all my OCs, I just need to get around to it... and like, since all I ever draw or talk about is my OCs I've been meaning to make it a point to prioritize it haha, so, I think that'll be my immediate post holidays project 🤔

as it currently stands, I tag everything related to my OCs both on main and on blujaydoodles with that OC's name, including answered asks and memes and stuff. I also keep up running '[oc name] insp' tags for everyone on main but idk if those would be of interest to anyone but me lmao, they're mostly like, vibes and shitposts and/or aesthetics that remind me of that OC in some way

for now, aside from that about page, I can at least link to their tags (on here, cause I reblog everything from the art blog anyway) :3

Elyss is my water genasi ranger! she's spent half of her life feeling isolated from and unwanted by other people and the other half of her life living alone in the woods, and has spent the entire campaign being surveilled and influenced and betrayed by forces outside her control absolutely constantly, so she has a lot of Issues around love and trust and belonging and control, and a lot of trauma that her campaign's circumstances just keep compounding :') also she's a kill machine, and also she's my longest-running dnd character and still my favorite, my beloved girl

Idri is my forest gnome rogue! she's an arcane trickster whose dad wanted her to go to Wizard College but who opted to join the circus instead because studying tomes all day sounded boring, and when her mentor at the circus died she quit to join an adventuring guild looking for fame and excitement (and to just kinda opt out of processing her grief entirely oops lol no thanks bye) Her campaign is dead in the water so I don't talk about her as much anymore but she's still my lil sunbeam and I lov her ;n;

Juniper is my human druid! She comes from a long line of druids; specifically her family are traditionally the village Wise Woman, but she ran away from home to apprentice with cartographers instead because she's a big nerd (and struggles with suffering and mortality and doesn't think she'd make a very good full time village healer at all tbh) In her campaign she's the only one without, like, Severe Backstory Trauma and she's a mom friend with a martyr complex trying to solve everyone's problems while being wildly out of her depth to relate to anybody else, so she's anxious all the time :'). Also she's FINALLY dating the monk after like two real life years of obliviously mutual pining <3

Aubree is my halfling fighter! She's a lil bit of a roughneck, but fiercely good-hearted; blunt, loud, picks fights she knows she can't win if it's worth making a stand on principle for what's right. She also has a boar called Truffles, whom she found and adopted as an abandoned runt and now rides (and dotes on, that's her best friend). She also died three sessions into her campaign, but she got better, so the story around all of that is, you know, The Whole Thing this campaign is about and oh man it's been A Lot

Melliwyk is my gnome wizard/ artificer! At the beginning of her campaign, the art of creating magic items was eons-lost in her world, so, her whole thing was trying to rediscover or reinvent that process. Now her campaign is mostly about unraveling ancient mysteries (good! her whole jam!!) and uncovering deeply evil and complex conspiracies (wuh oh, not so good!). Her whole thing is she wants to learn EVERYTHING and try EVERYTHING and her originally intended vibe is 'low wis chaotic mad scientist who is blithely unconcerned with risks or consequences', which, she's had a lot of character growth and gained a lot of depth but that's still the heart of her as a concept. Also she has Magical Narcolepsy as the result of a failed experiment, so she spends a lot of time collapsing into an ungainly heap or being carried around in someone else's backpack

Nyssa is my satyr warlock! She's one of my older dnd OCs but there's not as much to say about her because I've never been able to play her regularly :') She's a sweet, gentle creature from a small and closeknit hedonist utopian satyr flock in the woods, so when I have played her it's been a lot of playing with the dissonance in 'gentle pacifist whose warlock magic is mostly aggressive' and 'a satyr trying to navigate Society, with like, clothes and money and (as far as she can tell) no sex for some reason??'

Felix is my NEW BOY that I fixated on instantly despite only getting to play him like. three times. and his campaign probably being dead before it started :') he's a forest gnome inquisitive rogue who loves Finding Stuff Out; he spends most of his time people watching and eavesdropping and taking it upon himself to investigate mysteries just out of curiosity. he also loves small animals and is friends with, in particular, most rats, cats, and small birds

Quick n dirty rundown of other OCs I talk about significantly less, for various reasons: Kethri, my utter sweetheart halfling bard who has found herself thrust backwards in time and, to her dismay, into a position of significant social power for reasons that are still unclear; Tsakesh, my khajiit archer who just wanted to explore some dwemer ruins and examine some weird devices but ended up wrapped up in some daedric end of the world bullshittery; Ambrose, my half-elf bard who is a poet, linguist, and ancient historian studying the ruins of a lost people who all mysteriously vanished at once; and honorable mention to Indigo, my gnome circle of stars druid pirate who's only a one shot character but whom I keep drawing and thinkin about anyway because they're cool 😌

#whew jeysus this still isn't even ALL my dnd OCs but #I'm largely indifferent about kiele if I'm being brutally honest and everyone else is a one shot character that's like...#what is the point of telling you about draugwen. she's an illiterate barbarian elf raised by direwolves. now you know everything about her #I MEAN extra honorable mention to Milo my oldest beloved sweet baby boy!! but I never draw or post about him anymore :')#tbh it's probably not worth mentioning Ambrose on similar grounds but. I WANTED him to be relevant :( he's so interesting to me... alas...#ANYWAY. MAN. GOSH WOW THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ASKING?? BLOWS KISSES!!!???#I'm laying on the floor overwhelmed with 'people CARE? about MY silly little guys???? 🥺💕'#about me #my OCs #elyss #idri #juniper #aubree #nyssa #melliwyk #felix #.... [deep breath]#kethri #tsakesh #ambrose #indigo

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approximately20blorbos · 2 years

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hello hi hello i am Bored and wish to hear more abt whatever you wanna ramble about

oh thank you so much I'm also bored and willing to ramble lmao

on my other account I think I mentioned wanting to write a poem and yeah. yeah I'm thinking about that again I think

cause like in my head I want to write about growing up with strict parents and not really being free to express myself at all or experiment with my identity or even just my political beliefs like other kids got to, and like ever hobby I had that my parents didn't like and every friend I made that they didn't pick out for me they disliked and tried to distance me from. so just gradually over time I retreated into my head and daydreamed and made characters and eventually a whole world where, through my ocs, though I myself was not a character in it, I learned about and processed the world around me and slowly explored other worldviews and identities that were not the ones handed to me, I purposefully pushed these characters into positions that I disagreed with, that made me uncomfortable, and this daydreaming couldn't be taken from me, nor these characters, because it was all internal and no one could even know I was doing it unless I brought it up, just maybe I got a few comments on how quiet I'd gotten lately. I built my characters until they were developed enough to develop themselves, and then I let them take the paintbrush from me and finish the job.

I cut my hair my senior year of highschool. my characters had taught me that I wasn't straight and I wasn't a woman, or at least, that I did not identify with that term fully. my mom scoffed in the corner while my aunt cut it short, not as short as I wanted it, but after hours of arguing I reached a compromise with her and won the right to get it cut short and dyed. that was my first voyage into self-expression.

and then college hit. freedom. by then I was self-aware, I learned that I had developed this daydreaming addiction to process the world around me when I was not able to do so in the real world, and I had learned things about myself and my identity through these characters I had created. my sense of self was both stronger than ever and shattered among dozens of people who didn't exist. still is—it hasn't been that long, after all. my roommate was experienced in the alt scene. I'd wanted to start dressing like that for a while, but knew nothing about subcultures or where I might start getting clothes like that. they took me to Hot Topic and for the first time I picked out a few accessories that didn't feel forced on me. growing up, the mall was hell. my parents would take me and it was always a question of what could I stand to put on my body? what compromises could I make with society, that little girls were supposed to like that I could stand to wear? eventually I gave up. I dressed myself in tee shirts and old jeans and thought to myself "at least I'm comfortable, I'm not in pain for the sake of beauty." now I wasn't beholden to anyone. I didn't quite know what I wanted, but I was free to choose.

and now I'm sitting in a room with my grandparents and my sister and my mother, hair buzzed on the sides and dyed electric blue, my whole outfit screaming punk and personality, and I am wondering to myself where I would even be without those characters of mine, because I'm sure it would look different. and I'm starting to feel like a person again, rather than a collection of fictitious lives—certainly not like the person I used to be, but hey, I exist, and that's pretty cool. I had and have thought of even more writing this but it's already all incoherent and idk, maybe later I can put some of these thoughts into rhyme and metaphor and make it make sense in a way that exact perfect words can't really communicate. we'll see I guess, cause like I said, I'm not good at poetry

thanks for asking me to ramble, friend. sorry it's a bit personal this time lol

#asks #wherearetheplants #personal post

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loupettes · 2 years

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5, 6, 28 💌

Aww hey Sasha! thank you for sending me someeee ♥️♥️♥️♥️

5. what made you start your blog?

I think it was the move from livejournal! Waaaay back in 2009 (I think??) I started making 11/Amy art and here I am, 12 years later, still creating (although not as frequently as I'd like to!)

6. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

Ooooh. Best part about being online/a creator is the zone I get into when I write or make gifs. They're different zones — making gifs is very visually appealing and satisfying, and writing sort of feels like meditating? Like you're really just thinking and creating and they're just nice spaces to be in. Hearing myself say this has got me wondering if I'm ok but then comes the sharing part of being a creator and that's just fun. Like they stuff you really enjoy doing and find healing gets to be enjoyed by other people ?? and that's sick

The worst part is the pressure you put on yourself. It's hard to write something that everyone keeps telling you they love because every time you post something new you wonder whether those same people are like 'wow loup's really lost her touch' and then, before you know it, that wholesome zone that's your safe place when you write becomes a bit idk hostile? And it's totally made up, it's all in your head. Like nobody has ever said to me 'wow you lost your touch'. So yeah, it's hard.

28. do you collect anything?

this is a good question because I would normally say no but when I think of collecting things, I think of memoires/souvenirs when I'm at the gift shop and that is 99% of the time t-shirts to sleep in lmao. I've got a lot - a tea and coffee shop in NYC had my family name (which is quite uncommon!) on it so I grabbed one, a night club from my days at university, favourite TV shows, theme parks and general places I've been with friends. That sorta stuff!

send me questions I think would be fun to be asked if you want!

#answered #thanks Sasha this was really fun!

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thisselflovecamebacktome · 4 months

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Honestly, Dua Lipa is what i would be as a famous person. Doesn't expose herself much, even her music isn't super personal, trevels all the time. Every oportunity for a vacay, she's taking. Work hard but also i have money, why would i run so much. She has a book club, never stays home, eats well. I love Taylor but her hussle, for someone with that much money,,, like take a trip babe.

So I think I'd have to have my music be personal (not that I can hold a note to save my life, like if I ever be famous, that'll be the last thing I am for), but apart from that, I agree. Like I'd definitely have a base for home because I get homesick/sick of travelling quickly, but I also love travelling and would do it far more than I do now (like more smaller to week long trips rather than 3+ weeks like I've done a few of recently). But yeah, I've always said I'd love to be rich but not famous because of this. Like love it for Dua that she seems to have found a good balance from what I can tell but unfortunately most people don't. Like idk the freedom to just say like release one piece of work to cover you and then just release when you want to without having to feel the pressure to stay relevant is a dream and something I'd love to achieve when I finish this novel I'm writing (obviously not realistic, but hey, it's a dream, doesn't need to be lmao), so yeah I feel this in my bones lmao.

#dua lipa #taylor swift

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videcoeur · 7 months

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Who was your first OC, what was your first fandom, and what is something you find weird about Tumblr?

Questions for the mun. A series of questions for the mun / the person behind the muse(s)

Who was my first OC?

Ahaha! I started roleplaying when I was 9 years old. I roleplayed in my native tongue, in French, on some old Pokemon forums. My first OOC was basically the biggest marysue ever but hey, I was 9 so that's so valid and good of me!

She was basically this Amazing, Unbeatable Fire Trainer who had all the legendaries and best fire Pokemon. Her name was Jennifer (which was my dream name as a kid?? IDK why). She was a redhead, and so pretty! ( I was a pretty lonely child with a lot of body issues, so ofc I made my oc the prettiest woman around lmao)

My first OC was basically just this super confident, super sexy woman, with all the power and attention, and everyone loved her!! and when they didn't, it was only because she was smarter and stronger than them! Her parents were rich and loved each other and her very much.

I was basically escaping reality and living vicariously through her but despite how bad and generic an oc she was, she got me through some of the hardest moments of my life as a kid.

What was my first fandom?

Despite my first OC being in the Pokemon fandom, the Pokemon fandom was not my first fandom. Before roleplaying (when I was 7-8), I'd participate in a lot of forums about Cardcaptor Sakura, which was probably the first anime/manga I got into. I'd seen Dragonball and a few others on tv, but CCSakura was the first I was discussing with others, which is my definition of 'fandom'.

What is something I find weird about Tumblr?

The need to make everything super pretty. By that, I mean small text, banners and stuff. If that's your fun then please have fun! I just don't get it because when I'm writing/reading, I want it to be easy to read. Because the point of roleplaying is to write and read.

I appreciate icons but they're not mandatory and they don't need over-the-top customization either.

Small text is actually hard to read for me, so if my partners use it, I have to copy-paste their reply in an open doc to read it!

Let's call this the gentrification of roleplay lmao a lot of people are way too obsessed about the 'looks' and that's just something I don't get.

#( ooc. )#cringe on main with my marysue oc but that's okay #child me needed her badly

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rendevousz · 3 years

Text

mum?

mother figure!nat x fem!teen!reader

avengers x reader

req by @teenwonder ; i absolutely love the entire teams adoration for reader skfksngnsf its so cute! could i please request one a little more nat based? maybe r treats and loves nat like a mom but nat hadn’t noticed that before, and the whole team is like listing examples of how and why 🥺🥺🥺

summary: the four times you needed nat and the one time she admits that she needed you too.

warnings: blood, a random attack out of nowhere because i'm not creative, inaccurate writing of medical situations because i have no idea how those things work, also let's just pretend bruce was around during iron man 2 when tony still had palladium in his arc reactor, also inaccurate descriptions of palladium effects bcs i just...don't know much about palladium pls forgive me thanks, and idk any hospitals in new york/manhattan or even the states LMAO so uh bear with this, and last but not least, my inability to write good endings

word count: 5426

notes: that's a long ass warning nevertheless pls do enjoy this fic <3

"i'm going now, bye!" you bid the team who were having breakfast together, walking out of the common area.

"bye, cupcake! don't get into trouble, don't do what i'd do and definitely don't do what i wouldn't do." tony advised and you rolled your eyes because tony says that to you every morning before you leave for school.

"wait, don't forget your lunch!" nat stands up from her seat and grabs your lunch that she had packed, from the kitchen island, bringing it over to you. "thanks, nat!" you grabbed it, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.

nat smiles at the action, turning around to walk back to her spot on the table, only to find the team staring back at her with knowing looks.

"what?"

"you know, you only need to sign a couple papers and the kid's all yours." tony states matter-of-factly. nat snaps her head towards the man, an incredulous look on her face. "what are you talking about?"

"we all see the longing looks on both your faces. she's dying for you to call her your daughter and you, her mother." clint explains and the others nodded in agreement.

"that's nonsense. she has wanda too," nat reasons, sitting back down. "i'm pretty sure she sees wanda as a sister considering how much she drags wanda with her whenever she's causing trouble around the tower." steve raises his brows at the redhead who was in denial.

"she sees you as her mother, nat. just accept it," wanda tells her, taking a sip from her glass. "really? name me one time she showed it." nat challenges them, not knowing that they've been watching your interactions with her for the longest time.

"you have no idea what you just got yourself into, romanoff," clint chuckles, cracking his neck and knuckles as if preparing for a fight.

"remember new mexico?" he smirks and nat only frowns, trying to remember.

"no!" you screamed, dropping down to the ground. you didn't care that you scraped your knees doing that, the only thing that mattered was the overwhelming feeling of grief engulfing your whole being. tears streamed down your face as you looked at the debris on the ground, the remainder of what used to be standing in front of you; a building. blown up, now in ruins.

clint, bucky and steve watched you break down in front of them, their hearts breaking at the sight in front of them as well as the fact that their teammate had been caught up in the middle of the explosion.

"y/n/n? come on, tony's team called for back up. we gotta go," steve tried to get you to stand up, failing when you kept your ground. you screamed when he tried again and their hearts clenched at the heartbreaking sound.

"we can't just leave her! please, we have to find her," you cried, clinging onto steve's body as he ran his hand up and down your suit-cladded back to soothe you. "y/n/n, we can't. the whole place is in ruins now," he didn't want to say it but he had to. he had to in order to get you to leave. "she's gone."

"she can't be gone! she can't just leave us! we need her! i need her, stevie.." you cried into his chest and he had to control himself so he didn't cry right then and there too.

he looked up to see bucky looking at the two of you guiltily, tapping his wrist to indicate that they were running out of time. steve had no choice but to carry you in his arms, getting you to leave the site against your will. but you were too weak to fight back now. "what am i gonna do without her now, stevie?" you asked quietly.

"we're gonna be okay, y/n/n," he tells you, sitting you down on a chair and settling down next to you as clint flew the jet to your next location. the atmosphere was tense and you could tell everyone, too, was sad about this.

"what if we're not? what if we're not gonna be okay, stevie? i know i won't be." you wiped the tears streaming down your face despite the fact that your face still wasn't drying up any time soon.

"because nat wouldn't want to see us like this. she'll be angry if she sees that we're risking people's lives just because of her." he says truthfully.

"we're landing, guys." clint announces and the team prepared for another round of fighting. steve turns to you, wiping the tears on your face as he made you look up at him. "now let's save some people and make nat proud, yeah?"

you nod at him sadly, preparing your weapons. all of you got out the jet and the second battle of the day begun. boy, were these people unlucky because they were on the receiving end of your fury.

you were busy taking down a group of guards alone when you heard a familiar voice. "y/n, behind you!" and you turned just in time to take down a guard who was aiming at you.

you didn't even have time to register your shock of seeing the redhead because more guards came at you two. you guys fought alongside each other until all the men were taken down.

"nat?" you breathed out. "yes, bub?" she answers as you both carefully walked over the knocked out men. she was taken aback when you slammed into her, hugging her the tightest you ever did since you met her.

"please don't ever do that again." you mumbled into her chest. she was about to ask you what you meant when she heard you sniffling. figuring out it wasn't the appropriate moment to ask, she continued to just hug and comfort you in silence.

"wait, that was why she cried that day? because she thought i was in that building when it blew up?" nat asks after steve finished the story. "i never found out why because she never told me."

"yeah, you should've seen her when the building exploded. completely shattered my heart, dude." clint states, remembering the broken down state you were in that day.

"wait, did you guys not grief over my supposed death then?" nat glares at clint, bucky and steve. "in our defense, they were about to blow up about a hundred people, we didn't have much time to process the whole situation." clint tries to convince his best friend, only to receive a glare again from her.

"alright but just because she cried when she thought i was dead, doesn't mean she sees me as her mum. i'd cry too if any one of you guys died," she states, still in denial.

she did love you like how a mother would love her child. but she didn't want you to feel that she was forcing the title onto you. after all, you had so many other adults around you, who's to say that you saw someone else as a parent figure instead of her? she didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

"woman, are you serious?" sam exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. "need i remind you that the girl sacrificed her life for you?"

ii.

"nat, watch out!" you stood right behind her where the man was about to attack her. you gave him a harsh kick to the head and that was all it took for the man to go unconscious.

the redhead turned around, not having enough time to comprehend what had happened before you dropped into her arms. you two were lucky the last of the men had already been taken out.

"bub? what's wrong?"

at this point, you were fully leaning against her. she was holding up your whole weight, hands wrapped around your middle to support you. that was when she felt it. the familiar thick substance on her fingers, leaking from the back of your suit.

her eyes widened, pulling one hand away from you to look at it. red. her breathing picked up as one of her hands felt around your back, finally feeling the handle of a knife sticking out from your back.

your eyes were already drooping by now and she lightly shook you awake, careful to not hurt you. she lowered you down and you were both sat on the floor now.

she presses a finger to her ear and you could hear her voice echo in your ear from your own comms. "can someone come please," she paused, exhaling shakily. "y/n's down."

if it had been any other person, she probably would be bringing them to the jet by now but it was you. she didn't know what came over her but when she saw that you were injured, it was like her whole body shut down. her knees felt weak and she couldn't bring herself to move.

"hey, hey, keep your eyes open. can you do that?" she asked gently and you nodded weakly. "bub, why did you do that?" she cried softly, moving your hair away from your face as you leaned sideways against her. the action caused your face to be smudged by your own blood from her hands but she didn't care as she caressed your cheek.

"he–he was gonna hurt you. i–i couldn't..." you paused a while, the pain getting too much for you to bear. "y/n, don't strain yourself. you need to stay awake," she tells you as tears streamed down her face.

"rather me than you," you whispered. nat's eyes widened at this. "don't say that, bub." she scolds gently.

you smiled weakly at her. "i've grown too dependent on you, nat. it's to the point that i," you coughed and nat worried that you were straining yourself but you continued. "that i'd rather die than live without you. you probably can go on with life without me but i can't without you. i need you, nat." your eyes closed and nat panics, shaking your body.

"y/n?! bub?! stay awake, please, they're coming!" nat cries out loud, holding onto your limp body.

"did we not agree to not mention that to me anymore?" nat glares at sam for bringing that up.

the night of that incident had been one of the worst nights for nat. she sat by your bed all night after you had been treated. she had been the first one you saw after you woke up. she had been the one you broke down in front of after you admitted the full reasoning behind your actions. she had been the one who opened her arms for you to make yourself at home in.

"i'm sorry but you must be blind if you can't see how really she sees you for the past years," bucky states. nat turns to him with a glare. "you don't know what you're talking about."

"oh really? who does she call whenever she has a really bad nightmare?" bucky questions rhetorically with his eyebrows raised.

iii.

"no, please, don't!" you begged, asleep and thrashing around in your bed. quiet whimpers turned into heavy breathing as you plead for your life in your nightmare. "please," you whispered, inhaling and exhaling harshly.

FRIDAY, noticing the amount of distress you were in, alerted the closest person to your room, that being bucky who was returning from a late night trip to the kitchen for some water.

he quickly went into your room, only to see you shivering and thrashing around in your bed. "doll?" he approaches slowly, finding you still asleep, though sweating a lot. nightmare, he realised.

"doll? wake up," he gently shakes you and you immediately jolt awake, breathing heavily as you register what was going on. "it's okay, it was just a nightmare," he soothes you, holding you close as one hand rubbed up and down your back while the other held your head to his chest.

none of that helped as you were still in the same state as you were when you woke up. "are you okay?" he asks, worried. "nat... i need nat.. please i need her," you whimpered, shaking in his hold. you were having trouble breathing.

"FRIDAY, get romanoff."

within minutes, nat arrived, looking panicked and disheveled like she had just woken up, which she just did. "what's wrong?" she asks bucky, approaching you two.

"she was having a nightmare and woke up and i think she's having a panic attack. she asked for you," he informs her and immediately moves away when she approaches, so that she could take his place.

"bub? it's me," you look up to meet natasha's pretty green eyes. "you're okay, bub. can you tell me five thing you can see?"

you looked away from her eyes, looking around your room. "i–i see my book on my nightstand, my lamp, my jacket on the chair, my laptop and the painting on the wall." you told her after some difficulties.

"good, that's good. four things you can feel?"

"i feel the socks on my feet, my fluffy blanket, the pillow i'm leaning on and your hands around me."

she smiles softly at you. "three things you can hear?"

"i hear your voice. a–and the faint noise from the ac and i can also hear bucky's breathing." you look up at the man and he smiles sheepishly at you, standing around awkwardly. you gave him a small smile back.

"two things you can smell?"

"i can smell my own shampoo..and my room's air freshener." you told her more calmly now, feeling the panic attack already going away.

"one thing you want to taste?"

"i wanna taste wanda's blueberry pancakes." you pout and the two adults couldn't help but chuckle. "you can have them in the morning. right now you need to sleep so you can have the energy to devour them tomorrow, okay?" you nod at the woman as she tucks you in.

not long after, you fell asleep. she then presses a kiss to your forehead before leaving with a less worried bucky now. and sure enough, the next morning, wanda made you blueberry pancakes.

"okay, so what? we all need someone to help us through panic attacks?" nat rolls her eyes. "did you miss the part where i came in and tried to help but she specifically asked for you? she needed you, nat."

"guys, i... i love her with my whole heart but she has all of us. i don't wanna make her feel like she's restricted to only one of us. you all love her too," nat reasons.

"yes but she doesn't have anyone to call her mum and frankly, i think you'd be perfect for it." wanda encourages the older woman.

"i—" before she could continue, her phone rang loudly and she thanked whoever it was that called her because now she didn't have to make up excuses about her doubt of becoming your official mother.

iv.

she looks down at the caller id, sighing when it was you, meaning the team had more against her now. of course she didn't mind you calling her, you could call her when she'd be asleep after a mission and she'd still pick up with a smile on her face. but it was the fact that the whole team could see how she softened when she realised it was you who called that bothered her. she really didn't want them to let her have hopes that you'd accept her as your mother.

"bub?" she said into the phone and half the team smirked at her while the other half gave her knowing smiles. "aren't you supposed to be on your way to school?"

"yeah but uh are you busy right now? i um, i need you."

nat immediately stands up, worry etched onto her face and the team frowned at this. "what happened? are you okay?"

"you know how i told happy i wanted to walk to school today? yeah, i just remembered why i don't walk to school anymore."

"what do you mean? what happened? are you hurt? did someone hurt you?" she bombards you with questions out of worry. at this point, the team had also stopped their chatter and teasing looks, equally worried for your well-being.

"yeah, i am. wait, maybe not. i mean, i was just being dramatic but uh, i tripped on who-knows-what and now i have a sprained ankle. i can't walk now so i'm standing in an alley right now so i'm not in the way of people. can you come get me?"

nat sighs in relief, thankful that it wasn't anything that she was thinking of. "you are unbelievable, y/n." she chuckles in disbelief at your clumsiness. "can you tell me where you are? i'll come get you now. i'll have the school know you're not coming today." you told her your location and she immediately leaves after telling the team what happened to you.

you were expecting nat to call again, to tell you she was around the corner but instead you heard a whoosh of air beside your head, followed by a crack sound. your head followed the sound, eyes widening when you saw that a dart had struck the wall beside your head. you looked ahead, trying to see where that came from.

if it hadn't been for your fast reflexes being an avenger for the past few years, you probably wouldn't have ducked in time when another dart came flying right for your head. "what the hell?" you grunted, staying low but still looking around for the source. you squinted when you looked up, the sun blazing but you managed to catch a glimpse of a man on a rooftop nearby. he had blonde hair and was dressed in all black, donning a same coloured mask that covered the bottom half of his face.

"you had one job! how could you miss her twice?!" the blonde hears his colleague hiss in his ear through the earpiece. "i'm sorry! i'm no hawkeye, how was i supposed to get her in one try?!" he scolds back.

"you didn't even get her in two!"

"shut up and just let me work! you're distracting me!"

"hurry because i see the redheaded one nearing the alley. boss'll kill us if he finds out we didn't get her in her vulnerable state."

"i'm trying, i'm trying!" the blonde closes one eye, his sight now locked on your crouched state. he saw you move once you saw him and he cursed under his breath, his weapon following your movements. "she's moving!"

"just take the shot and be done with it! you have to go now!"

and shoot he did. after he shot the dart gun, he immediately fled but it wasn't like you were going to be able to chase him down or anything. a scream left your lips as a dart pierced through your skin, right under your shoulder.

you dropped down to the ground, right in the middle of the alleyway. you cried when you felt the burn in your flesh. you had been stabbed multiple times before with much bigger objects so why did this feel different?

"y/n?! is that you?!" you heard nat's voice yell from a small distance away. "i'm here," you croaked out, feeling your body grow weaker at an alarming rate.

"oh my god, bub, why are you on the ground? it's dirty, c'mon let's get you up. which foot did you sprain?" she places both her hands under your arms, pulling you up on your feet before accidentally dropping you back when you let out a shriek, crying out in pain.

"oh my god, did i hit your ankle? are you okay?" nat assumed that your tear-stained face was because of your sprained ankle but then you wheezed, your eyes drooping the longer she stood there.

your right hand slowly reached across your left shoulder, the butt of the dart sticking out of your skin now in between your shaking fingers. nat's eyes followed your hand movement's, a gasp leaving her lips.

"y/n, what happened?!" she panicked but before she could even get an answer from you, you had already blacked out. her eyes widened, knowing it was the dart because why else would you pass out that quick from a simple penetration in the shoulder. you had dealt with much worse than that and she knew your tolerance level.

she took off your bag, careful to not move the dart. she then placed her hands under your knees and behind your back, easily picking your unconscious body up and rushing back to the tower.

when she arrived, she was met with many confused yet concerned looks from the tower staff, seeing the black widow, rushing in with the youngest avenger unconscious in her arms. they had seen you leave the tower for school about half an hour ago so they knew something must've happened on the way.

"get bruce in the hospital wing. tell him it's urgent." she tells the woman working the front desk, hurrying into the elevator and telling FRIDAY to get her to the floor she so desperately wanted to arrive at quicker. black lines appeared on the left side of your neck, slowly spreading to the right side and she assumed it was from that damned dart in your left shoulder.

"natasha! what's wrong? they said it was an emergency," the doctor spoke in a panicked voice when nat entered, immediately going quiet when he saw you in her arms, neck lined with seemingly black veins.

nat laid you down on the surgery table, frown growing when black lines steadily spread to your arms now. though she was too worried to think, she managed to at least tell bruce what was outwardly wrong with you.

"dart. left shoulder." she blurted, incapable of forming proper sentences now that she had seen more of you. the black lining your skin got her speechless and anxious. bruce got ready with medical gloves, removing the dart from your flesh before analysing the pattern of your skin. it looked familiar.

"FRIDAY, get tony down here. it's urgent."

"bruce, please, what's wrong with her?" she cried, tears now freely streaming down her face. she didn't cry much in front of anyone but when it came to you, you always managed to get her to do just that.

"hey, what's going on? FRIDAY said there was an emergency here, who's hurt?" nat heard tony's panicked voice but she didn't make an effort to reply. her gaze was fixed on only you.

tony's jaw dropped, frowning when he saw you on the bed, upper body covered in black lines. "what the hell happened?!"

tony stepped beside bruce, taking a closer look at your skin. his frown deepened. "wait, it looks like.."

"yeah, looks exactly like when you had palladium instead of vibranium in your arc reactor."

"does that mean—"

"palladium's been running through her veins for about twenty minutes now. FRIDAY, how high is her blood toxicity level?" bruce asks, sampling a drop of your blood from when he took out the dart.

"53% and it is still steadily increasing."

"tony, at the rate it's going, if she's not treated in the next fifteen minutes or so, she'll.." bruce pauses, not wanting to say it out loud.

"no, she just needs lithium dioxide. that's how fury and i cured your palladium poisoning, tony." nat finally speaks.

"SHIELD probably has them but they're all the way in dc. they're not gonna reach here in time," tony states solemnly, reaching over to move your hair out of your face, looking down at you sadly.

but he was immediately pulled aside, nat grabbing his collar and looking him straight in the eyes. "you have your stupid iron suits that can probably travel faster than the speed of sound if you try. you can go down there yourself and get the damn thing. i swear to god, tony, i'm literally going to destroy those stupid suits myself if you don't put them to good use." nat threatens, glaring at the billionaire.

tony's eyes widened, the genius having not thought about nat's idea yet. "yeah, yeah, you're right, i'll go now."

he left immediately and nat approached your bed hesitantly, not wanting to see the black lines making home on the skin on your upper body. "do you think tony'll make it back in time?" she sniffles and bruce's worried frown on his face softened. "of course he will. he won't let anything happen to y/n. we won't let anything happen to y/n." he assured her.

there was nothing they could do now but wait for tony to come back with the lithium dioxide. nat sat beside your bed, hands gingerly grasping one of your own. despite the black staining it, nat held it to her face and her tears rolled past the back of your hand.

bruce decided to give her some privacy, opting to inform the whole team of the situation instead of standing around idly.

nat pulled your hand away from her face, rubbing her thumb over the back of it, crying even more at the sight in front of her. "y/n, please. i've never told you this but i need you." she pauses, breathing in shakily. "i've always needed you and i'll always need you. you can't leave me, please. you said i could go on with life without you but you're so wrong, y/n. you're the reason i'm still here and you're the reason i still want to be here. if you're not here then it's as if i have no reason, no purpose. i need you, y/n. so much more than i'd like to admit. heck, probably much more than you need me. so please, don't leave me. i can't do this without you." nat sobs out, watching the patterns on your skin spreading and growing bolder.

at this point, the whole team had now gathered outside of the room, watching nat cry over you. they wanted so bad to get a closer look at their beloved baby avenger but they respected nat and instead, waited for her to finish talking to you. once she stood up and looked around, bruce knew she was done so he entered, followed by the team.

"status, FRIDAY?" bruce asks, sampling a bit of your blood again. "blood toxicity at 96% now."

the team looked your unconscious body in apprehension, some crying and some worried out of their minds.

"goddamnit! where the hell is stark?!" nat growled. her eyes were now puffy after having spent the last half an hour crying. the team had never seen her lose her cool like this but they figured why.

as if on cue, tony's iron man suit crashed through the windows of the room but he couldn't care less. his main priority was to get to you quickly. in his hand was a silver briefcase that he passed to bruce.

bruce opened the case before wasting no time in plunging the syringe containing lithium dioxide, your supposed cure, into you. immediately, the black patterns on your skin started disappearing. it was slow but noticeable. it started from the tips of your fingers, going up towards your neck.

everyone sighed in relief, and to tony's surprise, nat hugged him tightly. "thank you. you have no idea how much this means to me." she whispers. tony pats her back gently. "hey, i care about her too, okay? of course i'd do this for her. any one of us would."

nat smiles at him when she let him go, turning back to you and almost crying out in joy when your skin had finally turned back to normal. she let the medical assistants set your bed up and handle your sprained ankle before going back to sit by you. the team left her alone with you once again.

it was only about an hour later did you wake up, squinting when bright lights shone down on you. you moved around but you felt hands around your left and you heard a familiar voice.

"and remember when you dragged wanda to pull that prank on me with you and after you did, i grounded you like i was your mum or something?" you hear her chuckle, still not noticing that you've woken up.

"i didn't mind, though. frankly, i don't think i would ever mind if you continued acting like my mother or something," you spoke and she immediately tore her gaze from your hands, looking at you, now wide awake.

"bub!" she hugs you so tightly you didn't think you could breathe. you still returned the hug though, laughing. "i was worried you might still have some palladium in your bloodstream."

"wait, palladium?" you asked her in shock. "yeah, the dart that got you in that alley, it contained palladium. it's highly toxic so we used lithium dioxide to counter it. speaking of the dart, i'm going to find out who did this to you and they're never going to see the light of day for putting us through all of this." nat says, disturbingly calm.

"yeah...you do that," you tell her, slightly scared. "but palladium? in my blood? how cool is that? i had literal metal in my blood! i could've become like tony but like...palladium woman or something." you said excitedly.

"you do know we already have metal in our blood, right bub?" nat questions in amusement. "oh." you say dumbly. "and palladium don't belong in our body and you literally almost died because of it." your mouth opened but no words came out.

"speaking of, can you please not do that again? i really thought i was gonna lose you." she whispers, stroking your hair. "oh yeah, of course. i'll just announce to the whole world to not target the youngest avenger," you joke, smile dropping when nat gave you a stern look.

"nat, being part of the avengers at my age undoubtedly means i'll be a target for the bad people out there, but i don't care because while i get to kick ass, i know all of you have my back when it's my ass that's kicked. and i think that's the best part of being an avenger; the sense of security i get having you amazing people as my teammates." you tell her honestly and she smiles softly.

"oh come here you," she pulls you in for another hug but this time it's better because you could still breathe. you make yourself comfortable, snuggling into her.

"did you mean it?" she asked and you look up at her in confusion. "mean what?"

"when you said you wouldn't mind me acting like your mother."

"of course i do, you're like the mother i never had. i wouldn't even mind you being my actual mother." you say without a second thought, eyes widening when you realised what you had said. you swore under your breath, knowing you've just made it awkward between you two.

"i– really?" despite the teams efforts to make her see the truth, it was much more meaningful when she heard you say it yourself. "y–yeah.." you admit sheepishly.

"then you wouldn't mind if i actually adopted you?" she asks carefully, gauging your reaction. your jaw dropped, eyes going wide once again. "are you serious?!"

"yeah." she smiles at you fondly. "no! of course i won't mind!" you hug her tightly, tears forming in your eyes. you had gone all your life without parents so this was a huge thing for you. not only were you going to finally have a mother, but the most amazing woman you knew was going to be your mother.

"mum?" you tested the title, smiling when she acknowledged it. you were now crying in joy.

"hey, don't cry." she soothes you, running a hand up and down your back. "no, no, i'm just so happy. this is the best day of my life." you tell her. "me too, bub."

you stayed in her arms until you fell back asleep, nat tucking you in before going back to sit down on the chair. she looked down at you fondly.

sure, she was scared of the big step she was about to take with you but she had you with her and she knew that was enough. "i love you, y/n." she whispers, planting a kiss on the side of your head.

taglist <3

@amourtentiaa @rqmanoff @abitofeverythinggg @andreasworlsboring101 @cay-writes-fan-fiction514 @teenwonder @sevenmorningstars @fleurlovesbucky

#marvel x teen!reader #avengers x teen!reader #avengers x reader #bruce banner x teen!reader #bucky barnes x teen!reader #clint barton x teen!reader #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #sam wilson x teen!reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #tony stark x teen!reader #avenger!reader

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allthingskakashi · 4 years

Text

• Bells and Balls •

[ Kakashi x Reader ]

Tags : NSFW, Smut

Words : 4.8k

A/n: I wrote over 4k words just to get some dick.

Okay sbsbajash idk I'd been working on this for like a whole week and i couldn't concentrate on anything unless i finished this lmao so here it is whatever, I can't drag this around anymore. Uhhh hope you like it I'm still not very good at writing smut im sorry. This takes place in the post Anbu and pre team 7 era and Kakashi’s a bit of an asshole but you know you still love him. This is also a little similar to my other fic ‘Yearning’ but here you get the s e x and i’m sorry if the characterization is bad, i put more focus on making it hot i guess ok ill shut up now i hope you like it

You give the sheet of paper in your hand one final glance, and look around the room. There’s a long line behind you and you’re surrounded by your fellow jounins, each here to submit their respective lists.

You were extremely happy with the performance of your team and didn’t have to think twice before passing them. You had no doubt that they would make wonderful shinobi. You looked forward to teaching and guiding them, and judging by the chatter around you, most other jounins had passed their teams too.

The trouble, however, remains with Kakashi Hatake.

A few weeks ago, you had all been named squad leaders and put in charge of a squad, and today was your very first day with your assigned teams. As instructed, each of you conducted a test for the genin and depending upon whether they passed or failed, the final list would be announced.

No one till date had ever passed Kakashi Hatake's infamous test, and everyone was sure that no one would this year either. Most genin trembled in fear of him, being aware of his strict methods.

And as it happens, at this moment, this infamous man is right in front you, standing with his back hunched forward as he hands his paper in to the woman behind the desk.

You wait for your turn, your eyes fixating on the red symbol on his vest as you wonder, ruefully, about the fate of the students he must have failed this time.

You take a step forward as he turns around, having submitted his paper, and the line moves up behind you.

Kakashi peeks briefly at your paper as he passes, letting out an audible scoff at the list in your hand before walking on ahead, hands tucked in his pockets.

You’re momentarily confused by this sudden act, but something is already starting to boil up inside you. You aren’t exactly known for being placid, nor for sitting by and allowing people to give you crap. Your eyebrows furrow as you hastily thrust your sheet onto the desk, before making your way to follow after him.

“Do you have a problem?” you call to his back as a few heads turn towards you.

He stops, taking his time turning back to look at you, half lidded eyes looking as indifferent as always.

His demeanour pushes you further to the edge and you take a few steps closer, craning your neck to meet his eyes, waiting for an answer.

“Well?”

He peers down at you unfazed, completely oblivious to the audience around you, as if they are not even there.

“You’re too soft”, he shrugs. “You don’t know how the shinobi world works” he says bluntly, piercing you with his unwavering gaze.

You glare back at him, your mouth twitching with the sled of retorts forming at the back of your tongue.

“Who gave you the right to—"

But he’s already turning away from you, your eyes meeting with the red symbol of his vest once again.

“Hey don’t you fucking walk away from me!” you yell, going forward to stop him, but he saunters on ahead without turning back; his scent lingering in the air as you stand there, watching his figure disappear slowly along the hallway, your fury seething inside you.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

--------------------------------------------------

“Thank you! This is just what I needed.” you chime, digging into the hot bowl of ramen in front of you, your mouth salivating just at the look of it.

You take a big mouthful, revelling in the immediate burst of flavours on your tongue.

“Mmmm.” You moan, “You’ve outdone yourself, Ayame!”

The young girl smiles at you in delight, proceeding to serve you another helping.

You take another blissful bite, closing your eyes to relish the moment.

The streets are quiet around you except for the faint chirp of crickets, as is expected at this hour of the night. It must be past midnight by now, you’re not exactly sure.

You had been tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. For some reason, the encounter with Kakashi from earlier today had you feeling bitter and edgy. You hated that he was in your head, you didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like you to be this bothered by some mindless comments from someone. You’d had altercations before, worse ones, but they were never enough to steal away your night’s sleep.

And yet, this time…

You had to do something to take the edge off, ideally punch him in the face, but since that was not the plausible choice, you settled for the next best thing. Going for a run and treating yourself to your favourite comfort food later.

So here you are now, out at night all by yourself. The Ichiraku shop was still open, bless the lords.

You slurp some of the soup from the bowl and let out a loud smack of your lips.

You can feel your spirits lifting, and you’re glad for it. He wasn’t in your head after all, you were just having a bad day, that’s all.

You shift your focus back to the bowl in front of you, moaning and slurping as you go.

“Whoa there, Get a room.”

The sudden interruption of the familiar voice makes you stop cold.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You look up from your bowl, turning your head around to see none other than Kakashi Hatake, standing smug in all his glory.

The strange pang of bitterness is back in the depths of your stomach and you resist the urge to punch that smug look off his face.

“Ah, if it isn’t Kakashi Hatake, the all-knowing wisenheimer.” you say, your tone snide. “Say, don’t you have somewhere else to be? Some genin to fail?”

He comes around to take a seat on the stool beside you, a smirk evident through his mask, almost as if he’s enjoying this.

“I’ve already failed them” he smiles sweetly at you. “Worked up quite an appetite too.” He says, looking away from you to place his order.

You notice as Ayame notes his order down, the distinct shade of pink that tinges her cheeks as does, before turning away and disappearing into the supplies room at the back of the shop.

Ugh. What is with this guy? Why is it so….

You don’t realise you’re staring at him until he looks back at you, raising a questioning eyebrow. You supress your startlement at being caught, pretending as if you’d meant to be glaring at him.

“What the hell are you even doing out here so late?” you spurt, trying to sound irritated but it comes out sounding almost…concerned?

Thankfully, he doesn’t notice. “I could ask you the same.”

You look away, unwilling to answer. You were out here to get him out of your head, and now here you are, sitting beside him in a ramen shop while the entire village sleeps.

It almost feels like you’re the only two people in the world. The feeling makes something churn inside your stomach.

You dab your mouth with your napkin, before swivelling on the stool to face him. You look at him intently, studying his features. He stares back at you, as if waiting for you to say something.

“Why?” you ask, catching him off guard with it.

“Why what?”

“Why does no one pass your test? What’s so difficult about it?” you ask, gaze fixated on him. You expect him to look uncomfortable but he just shrugs.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m curious” you reply truthfully, watching him smirk at your answer.

You hate it when he smirks, how his face looks when he’s being cocky.

Ugh.

He swivels in his chair now, turning his body towards you. “Is that so?”, he says through the smirk, resting his elbow on the counter and leaning in.

You don’t know why, but something about his tone and the way he leans in makes it difficult for you to breathe all of a sudden.

But you’re not one to be fazed.

“Yes” you reply, refusing to let yourself crumple under his gaze. Your voice comes out sounding hoarse, and you clear your throat.

He smirks wider at your reply and stretches the next words out.

“If you’re so curious…Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

Your heart thuds like clapper clanging against a bell. You resist the urge to gulp.

Was it this hot when I left the house?

You clear your throat again. “I don’t have the time to take part in your stupid games”

The smirk is adamant on his lips, his gaze unnerving.

He breathes, “Do you not have the time…or do you not have the balls?”

His tone is challenging. Or inviting. Or both, you’re not really sure, you’re not thinking straight anymore.

Your jacket is too hot against your skin, you writhe beneath the thick material.

Sliding off the stool, you walk slowly towards him, erasing the space in between you bit by bit with each step, until your bodies are a few inches away from touching. Your eyes bore into each other’s as if in silent battle. It’s your turn to smirk now.

“Training Grounds in 20 mins” you whisper. Despite the hitch in your breath, your voice is clear. “Don’t be late.”

You walk past him without breaking your gaze, brushing your shoulder against his arm as you walk by, perhaps a little harder than necessary, leaving Kakashi to stare after you.

--------------------------------------------------

You sit on the damp grass with your back against a tree, waiting. Your jacket lies in a puddle beside you.

You count the weapons in your bag, you hadn’t exactly come out prepared for a fight tonight. Two kunai knives, that’s all.

Would that be enough to take down the copy ninja? You hope so. There’s no way you’re letting him win. It’s time someone taught him a lesson and you would love to be that someone. The nerve of him…to actually challenge you.

He really needs to get a life. But then, here you are too…

Why am I here? What am I even doing?

You close your eyes and tilt your head back against the hard bark, your eyebrows furrowing the way they always do when you’re deep in thought.

Back at the shop… the way he spoke…the look in his eyes— God, Stop. Stop it.

Who the fuck cares about the look in his eyes?

Not me.

It’s okay. I’m good.

We’re here to teach this asshole a lesson. An asshole, that’s what he is. Insufferable and stupid and smug and ridiculously ho— horrible. Ridiculously horrible.

You take a deep breath, opening your eyes and standing up so fast that it makes your head dizzy for a brief second. You start walking around, jerking your arms and legs, stretching your neck, even slapping yourself a few times on the face to make yourself focus.

Yes, I need to focus. The lack of sleep is getting to me.

You crouch down to tighten your shoelaces, before getting up and starting some stretching exercises. Gotta loosen the muscles, make sure you have full flexibility. After all, taking on Kakashi Hatake all by yourself is probably not going to be a piece of cake.

You look down to check your attire: running shorts and a tank top, not fully ideal but it’ll do.

You’re bent over, in the midst of doing rotating toe touches when your eyes fall upon a silhouette far ahead, nearing closer and closer. You pause, standing up straight with your hands on your hips as the figure walks slowly towards you, a faint jingling noise ringing through the air, as Kakashi finally comes near enough for you to make out his face in the dim light.

“Late as always” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.

Kakashi stands a few feet away from you, holding something in one hand, other hand inside his pocket. He’s not wearing his jacket anymore either, you observe.

“Sorry, had to go get this” he says, holding up what looks like two small bells with strings attached.

You squint at it, coming closer to get a better look. “What the hell is that?”

“Bells”, he smiles. “That’s the test. You have to get these bells from me. You can use any attack you want but… since you’re not a genin, I’ll raise the stakes a little higher for you. You cannot use ninjutsu or genjustu. It has to be purely physical attacks. You have till dawn.”

This little fucker. He knows taijutsu is not my strong point.

But fine. If that’s how he wants to play this, so be it. I’m taking him down one way or another.

“Dawn?” you chuckle, fixing him with your gaze. “I don’t need till dawn” you sneer, coming forward with a kick aimed to his head. He blocks it just as you’re about to make contact, grasping your ankle in his strong hold.

“I didn’t say start yet” he says through a smirk, letting go of your foot.

You take a few steps backwards, glowering at him as he ties the bells to a loop on his trousers. They hang over his thighs with a jingle, silver metal glimmering in the moonlight.

He looks back up at you, eyes twinkling with an unusual sparkle.

There’s that look again…

“Go” he commands, his body tensing up into a defensive stance immediately, ready for you.

You fix your gaze on the shiny metal of your goal and hurl yourself forward, your arms meeting each other’s in blows and defences. You throw a few kicks to his stomach, making him tumble but not enough to knock him out.

You shift your stance, before directing another punch to his face; he deflects it, sniggering.

Okay okay okay, I’m not focusing. I need to focus.

You take a deep breath.

Kakashi stands waiting, his features emanating pure amusement.

You feel a restlessness brewing within you, a strange energy buzzing through your veins. You’d been itching to punch him in the face and now’s your chance.

You watch him, mentally calculating all your options. His silver hair shines like moonbeams in the dark.

FOCUS.

Drawing a kunai from your bag, you lunge forward, distracting him with a kick to the head as your kunai slashes through the air, just about to cut across the strings when— your hand is caught in his grasp, a ‘slap!’ cutting through the air as his palm clasps around your wrist.

He bores into you, your wrist held firmly in his hand as he turns you around swiftly, gripping both your wrists at the back.

You feel the muscles of his chest against your body as he comes closer, the metal bells hanging over his leg brushing against your fingertips behind you.

You wriggle your hands, trying to break free but it’s in vain. His grip is firm, slender fingers digging into your skin as he leans into your ears, his warm breath tickling your skin.

“Not so fast” he whispers, his lips almost brushing the top of your ears.

The words send a shudder through your spine. You feel the black sky closing in on you, there’s a hum springing through your veins.

He loosens his grip as your hands fall, the kunai held limply in your hand. You turn around, your heart skipping a beat at how close he is to you. You feel your resolve weakening.

No.

Stop.

Your hand flies to the collar of his shirt, the other hand holding the kunai to his throat as you push him backwards with your body, your eyes blazing into his.

Keeping the kunai at his throat, you lower your other hand slowly, brushing it down his chest, his muscles taut under your hand. You trail your hand down along the line of his sternum, down the firmness of his stomach and further down, your fingers lightly caressing the bulge of his trousers before they almost make contact with the bells alongside, right there, just a flick away—

so close—

Before your wrist is caught in a sudden, fast clutch again.

His grip is much stronger this time, unyielding, hungry. Your bones ache beneath his hold.

You watch something ignite in his eyes as his shoulders rise and fall in rhythm to your heaves. You suddenly realise how out of breath you are.

In the flash of a moment, Kakashi grips your kunai holding hand, holding it away from his throat as he pushes you, the weight of his body pressing onto yours as your feet scrape along the ground, stumbling backwards till your back slams against a tree, the force making your body jolt. The kunai slips from your hand.

His arms pin you defenceless against the tree, his gaze holding you hostage, burning through your skin.

The touch of his skin against yours feels alien. When was the last time you felt the warmth of someone’s skin? You cannot recall.

He’s so close to you, you cannot see anything beyond him.

In the dark, under the moonlight, the edges of his face look softened.

A wind passes by, the sound of rustling leaves filling through the silence. A volcano erupts within you.

Now.

You gulp. Up this close, you can make out the outline of his mouth.

Now.

Your lips press into Kakashi’s in a desperate lurch, your neck straining to meet him as far as his grip on you allows. Your heart explodes like firecrackers inside your chest as your tongue pushes against the cloth of his mask, demanding to be let in.

You feel his grip loosen around your wrists as the mask is off and he reciprocates, his lips on yours, his hand gripping your chin up as his tongue moves in fervent swirls inside your mouth.

A thousand questions swarm inside your head, buzzing but you’re not being controlled by your head anymore. You can feel the thud of his chest against your own.

He trails his hand down to your throat, holding you in place, other hand exploring every edge and curve of your body before it snakes down the waistband of your shorts, down the elastic of your underwear.

You gasp, arching your back as you feel the touch of his long fingers down there, moaning helplessly into his mouth as he rubs along your wet entrance in rapid strokes.

Your head is a dizzy mess of jumbled emotions as yearning overpowers your senses, your previous resolve weakening into a mushy puddle with every stroke and thrum of his fingers inside you.

He pulls away from your mouth to leave sloppy kisses down your neck, his tongue painting patterns along your skin as you catch a glimpse of his face and you see it— his face, glowing under the moonlight. And you realise.

He’s…beautiful.

An overwhelming ache breaks through your senses, creating a frenzied whirlwind of passion and agony in your mind. Your detestation for him crumbles into pieces underneath the weight of your desire, as you realise…

You don’t hate him.

You never did.

Not even close.

Not even a little bit.

Not even at all.

You pull his face up to meet your lips again, planting urgent kisses on his mouth as your hands tease the hem of his shirt. His fingers slip out of you and you can feel the wetness of your panties, soaked through with arousal.

“Kakashi…” you whisper in pleasure as he looms over you, your foreheads touching, out of breath and heaving with exhilaration. His eyes burn with the same passion that you feel inside.

“We can’t…shouldn’t…here…people...” you mutter in struggled breaths, as he plants another kiss to your lips, the sparks from it fogging your mind

“Since when do you care about people?” he whispers against your ear, his raspy voice enough to strip you off of all your remaining sense and judgement.

You pull his shirt over his head in one swift motion, throwing it to the ground beside as he follows, taking off your shirt and then unhooking your bra, tossing both away as his hands reach for you in hungry clutches.

His hands caress your breasts, pressing them and pulling on your hardened nipples, his mouth following soon after. His lips lock around them, sucking hard as you bury your face into his broad shoulders, biting lightly to keep yourself from screaming.

You sink your fingers into his hair, tugging softly as his mouth moves in a wet trail further down your body, strands of his hair tickling your stomach as he goes, his hands tugging your panties, sliding them down the curves of your hips.

Your heart thuds in your ears as Kakashi sits crouching in front of you, parting your legs. He looks up at you, as if asking for your permission, and you give it to him by pulling the back of his head closer between your legs.

He puts your right leg over his shoulder, spreading you for him, his other hand clutching the back of your left thigh as his mouth teases you down there.

The tip of his tongue flicks at your entrance, before it finds your weakest spot, and you feel your body shuddering, barely able to keep your balance.

You tug at his hair harder as his tongue moves skilfully inside you, fingers rubbing your swollen clit simultaneously. You feel every nerve ending in your body come alive as you moan out his name “K-Kakashi…” through trembling lips.

Your insides shudder and a deep moan forms at the back of your throat, threatening to escape as Kakashi puts his hand over your mouth, before pulling you down on top of him with a sudden tug.

You come down with a thud on his thighs, your body jolting with the force as you watch him in front of you, the copy ninja… bare bodied and heaving in front of your eyes.

Who would have thought…

You straddle him, admiring his unclad torso, before pushing his shoulders down with your hands, making him lie back on the grass as you stoop over him. His eyes are fixated on you, pure pleasure making itself known on his face.

He really is beautiful.

You bend forward, your mouth exploring the smoothness of the skin on his chest, as a strange cold feeling down there distracts you.

You look down, squinting in the dark to find yourself sitting on two glimmering metal balls placed over his thigh.

The bells.

A thrill runs through your nerves as you smirk, glancing up at him.

He’s noticed it too.

His eyes return the same sparkle of mischief as yours as he lies still, waiting.

You press your hands down on his chest, locking your gaze with his as you position yourself over the bells, tilting your head back as you move back and forth over them.

The cold metal of the bells rubs against you, sending tremors through your entire body.

Your gaze at Kakashi again, watching him squirm at the sight of you, his hands twitching to feel your skin.

You keep your eyes on him as you slide down slightly on his thigh, tugging his trousers down as you go. Your hands find the base of his cock as you allow yourself to admire his throbbing length.

He leans his head back on the grass and you feel him getting harder in your hands.

Forming your hand into a fist around him, you move it up and down along his shaft in slow steady strokes, leaning down to bring your mouth closer to his tip, before swirling your tongue in circles around his skin.

His hips tremble as he clutches onto the grass, writhing.

Your lips clasp around his cock, mouth slurping up and down his length, taking your time sliding down to the base and back up, your hands following suit.

You tease him, switching between the tip of your tongue and your whole mouth, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through him.

He quivers and you sit back up, bending forward over his face and pressing your lips on his. A groan from his mouth erupts inside yours as he clutches your hips.

His hands guide your hips back and forth over his length, your lips trembling as he slips into you, his cock finally inside you, pushing into you, filling you as deep as you can be filled.

A new rush of pleasure burns through your senses, your insides stretching as you move your hips around him, back and forth and then in circles.

“A-a-ah...mm…yeah…”, your muffled moans cut through the depths of the forest in the silence of the night.

Kakashi breathes your name, the eruption of your name from his lips enough to send you to a frenzy, filling your heart with drunken fervour.

You moan his name back in reply, hopping up and down on him as his arm snakes behind your waist and he flips you over in a sudden, swift movement, the weight of his body falling over you now.

You arch your back, pushing your hips up to meet his, unwilling to break away even for a second.

You want him so, so bad.

The pointy peaks of grass underneath poke your skin, your nails digging into his back as he nibbles on your neck, thrusting deep, deep into you.

You feel the familiar shudder from earlier again, your mind getting clouded with waves of pleasure coursing through you. Kakashi’s grunts quaver in your ear as you feel his hips jerk in tune to yours.

There’s a tantalizing jolt of ecstasy through your body as you scream out, your quivering voice matching his grunts as you both put a hand over the other’s mouth, your muffled moans melting into each other’s skin. He quivers inside you for a final time before you feel him slipping out of you, as hot wet cum trickles along the insides of your thighs, dripping into the dewy grass beneath.

Droplets of sweat from his hair drips down on you, tasting salty in your mouth. You heave together in exhaustion as he plops down on you, before rolling to the side.

You lie on your back panting, your entire body damp with sweat.

Languor threatens to take over you as you struggle to keep your eyes open, looking up into the night sky.

You see a firefly glowing above your head. You lift a lazy hand to reach it, but it flies away far above, becoming one with the twinkling stars in the sky.

Soft sounds of Kakashi’s breath echo beside you, his foot still touching yours lightly as the both of you lie heaving under the stars.

He turns his head to look at you and you can feel his eyes on you as you try, with all the fibres in your body, to not look back at him.

You know you won’t be able to hold yourself together any longer if you do.

He extends a hand towards you. “That was…”

“Sshhh… Shut up” you say in a slumberous whisper, moving closer into his arm, putting your own around him, your head buried into chest as you feel your eyes getting heavy…not able to stay awake anymore. You feel Kakashi envelope you in his arms, the warmth from his skin against the cold air lulling you to sleep, your mind becoming foggy as you close your eyes, slowly drifting off somewhere far, far away…

--------------------------------------------------

Your eyes open to the chirping of birds perched on the branches above, rays of morning light casting a rosy glow in the horizon.

You watch the half light in the distance, rubbing your eyes, smiling to yourself.

The night had taken with it the black clouds of denial fogging your mind, your heart is as clear as day now.

You turn your head just in time to see Kakashi opening his eyes, his eyes puffy, imprints of grass marking his soft cheek.

You smile at him as he looks at you, lips curled into a sleepy smile. “Good morning” he yawns, tapping over his mouth with his palm.

“I won.”

“Hmm?” he asks groggily, eyes still adjusting to the light.

You hold up the two small bells in front of him, they jingle over his face.

He chuckles. “I don’t think so. It’s past dawn”

“I took them off before. I won.”

He laughs again, his face lighting up in a way you’d never seen before. He looks even more beautiful in the daylight.

“In all fairness y/n, there are no losers here.”

You laugh along with him now, reaching across and smoothening the imprints on his cheek, keeping your hand there, cupping his cheek.

“So, I passed?” you ask, looking at him, inching closer.

He looks back at you, with the same look from earlier in his eyes.

But you’re not turning yourself blind to it anymore.

“Top of the class” he laughs, pulling you closer, nuzzling your nose with his before pressing his lips into yours.

Notes :-

Did I quote 10 Things I Hate About You on a Kakashi Smut?

Yes, yes i did.

#kakashi #kakashi fanfiction #kakashi x reader #kakashi smut #kakashi x reader smut #naruto #naruto fanfiction #naruto x reader #kakashi fanfic #kakashi x reader fluff

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karasunology · 4 years

Text

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ SUGAWARA KOUSHI & OIKAWA TOORU AS DADS HEADCANONS ! ❞

✎ . . . i'm happy that your requests are open ! and for dad headcanons?? i am right here to serve my braincells for you ma'am. what about dad! sugawara & kenma? thank you in advance 🤓😘

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

✎ . . . will you please write about oikawa, bokuto, and sugawara as dads?? :>

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ sugawara koushi & oikawa tooru <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

✎ . . . DAD HEADCANONS.

[ BOKUTO KOUTARO VERSION. ] [ MIYA ATSUMU VERSION. ]

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . reposted because tumblr took it off?? ugh n e ways happy birthday again to my boy sugawara😔✋

SUGAWARA KOUSHI.

➜ before the arrival of your daughter, mans was totally cool about it; also ecstatic to say the least, he wanted to have a family for you for a long, long time, and when he finally has the chance to start it with you ─ he couldn't help but cry and be so soft on the spot with just the thought of it

➜ but he also couldn't help but be doubtful, doubtful of himself ─ will be a good enough father? will he be able to teach his daughter the important virtues in life? will his daughter even love him?

➜ but in the midst of those thoughts were you, reassuring him multiple times, that, if there was any man that you could think of, of being the father of your children ─ that man would be him, and only him

➜ ngl right now, mans wanted to give you another one after you said that 💀

➜ and when your first child was delivered, he was so encouraging and supportive of you, would whisper reassurance and words of affermations saying how great you were, how he was so blessed for having you.

➜ remember those doubts he had? all those thoughts fully dissapeared when your baby wrapped her fingers around his thumb for the first time, and suga couldn't help but cry ─ from joy? definitely, from satisfaction that you guys created this angel? of course. and relief? yeah, probably.

➜ sugawara doesn't want to spoil your daughter since he wants your daughter to know the importance of money and doesn't want her to end up being a brat

➜ but sometimes ,,, he couldn't just help it okay? ☹

➜ in the first months of parenting with sugawara, he was anything but the perfect dad but you could really see the parental instincts in him

“ kohana, come to daddy ” your husband, koushi, stretched his arms towards your daughter of five years; kneeling on the floor as you sat across from him, kneeling as well.

➜ as your daughter slowly waddled over to sugawara with a blank yet adorable chubby face, sugawara was overjoyed, to say the least.

“ yes waddle over to daddy ─ ”

➜ well, until your daughter cheekily ran across the opposite side, to you. as if flowers of many kinds surrounded her, she glided onto your surprised arms as you instinctively open tour arms out for her, a shocked laugh was heard from you.

➜ 💀💀💀

➜ your husband's jaw DROPPED Y'ALL😭✋ LET ME JUST AHHH

➜ kohana definitely got her wittiness and cheekiness from her koushi, and maybe some from you as well.

➜ sugawara let out an offended scoff as he got up so fast to chase your daughter around the house, as your daughter shrieked in fear and excitement as she waddled all over the place

➜ ugh IM SO SOFT RN, NO ONE TOUCHHHH MEEEE😡

➜ and when kohana was out with her with her aunty kiyoko and uncles daichi and asahi, sugawara was feeling a bit ,,, spicy that night that hey, why not create another one with you👉👈

➜ let's just say, while your daughter was eating caramel apples with her aunt & uncles, you were getting dic ked down by sugawara phew chile

➜ and after a few months, your son, shin was born & damn did sugawara love him

➜ unlike your daughter, your son is such a sweetie uGHHHH

➜ and loved his dad so much, is the calm and collected one while he had your hair and suga's eyes

➜ while the squad™ ; daichi, kiyoko & asahi would come to your house with every chance they get just to see your little ones and maybe even bring theirs as a playdate for shin & kohana

➜ ugh next gen typa thingz💅

➜ would play volleyball with them, but with a softer one that's a bit more kid-friendly

➜ being almost total opposites, shin and kohana would often bicker, kohana being the one to provock the fight and shin just straight up spitting facts, 6/10 of the time would win over his older sister

➜ periodt

➜ and if fights would get too much, sugawara would bONKK💥🔨 your children ( like those times where suga just fu cking bOnKs his teammates. )

➜ yeah that

➜ mans rarely gets mad and phew ,, if he ever does i just have nothin, NOTHIN to say😶

“ i HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS, WHEN MY MOTHER YELLS LIKE THIS IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME. ”

➜ he'll never be angry at them for too long though

➜ but mostly, he'll just be disappointed rather than mad

➜ and honestly that hurts more

➜ since sugawara is an elementary school teacher, he'd often tell stories about your guys' children with his students

➜ like THAT ONE TEACHER THAT JUST TALKS ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND FORGETS ABOUT CLASS

➜ UGH WE STANNNN

➜ it became an actual thing with his students that they would every now and then ask about them

➜ would have such a strong foundation built from trust, respect and just love with his children

➜ honestly you'd fallen all over again with him BECAUSE HE'S SO UGSHHSHSH

➜ HUSBAND MATERIAL

➜ SANAOL LIKE CAN'T RELATE LMAO

➜ baking !!

➜ this is one of suga's past times, and even before you guys were even married, y'all would have at-home dates and just bake

➜ and it just gradually became a thing with your children every time anyone just wants to bake something.

➜ and most of the time would end up messing up the kitchen and covered in flour

➜ 11/10 dad, may not be the most perfect dad but your kids could never ask for anyone else but him.

OIKAWA TOORU.

➜ it started off as a joke, he couldn't really remember when it all started but he would always say that you would be such a good mother whenever you would take care of him when he's injured himself or just scold him whenever he keeps over working himself

➜ but after a few years and oikawa would never have thought that he wanted to actually have a child or two with you, it started off when he would spend a few hours until pass midnight to watch cute baby videos

➜ like why was he there?? HE WAS JUST WATCHING BUZZFEED UNSOLVED A FEW MINUTES AGO LMAO WHAT

➜ and his eyes would linger onto your sleeping figure ontop of his body, face nuzzled as he could feel your nose tickle his torso.

➜ he couldn't help but play along with the thoughts of having a child with you ─ to start a family with you.

➜ you guys were already living together at argentina, and you've support him through and through with everything he has pursued in his life, and what else was stopping him from starting a family with you?

➜ yes, his schedule may be a bit busy but he had always given more than enough time to you, what hurt may it cause if he had another person to dedicate his attention as well? someone that's the perfect mixture of the love of his life and himself.

➜ and when oikawa has already set something on his mind ─ mans would always get what he wants

➜ if i were you, i'd give him anything he wants ngl

➜ just saying y'all😳✋

➜ it didn't take him a hot second to make you agree to it, and before he knew it he fell in love all over again on the bundle of joy he held on his hands

➜ would pepper you with kisses even if you were tired from giving birth, saying how proud he was of you and how beautiful the child you both created

➜ like duh, it was yours and tooru's child, your guys' baby will be a HEARTBREAKER WITH THOSE LOOKS😡

“ tooru !! ” you exclaimed as you saw your husband hold out a strawberry lollipop to your daughter while holding her with his other arm, as your daughter was ready to bite it ─ MANS REALLY SAID NO❌ RIGHTS✅😤 AND PULLED IT AWAY WHILE LAUGHING BEFORE PUTTING IT IN HIS MOUTH

➜ i'm so sorry i just ─

➜ while your daughter LOOKED SO OFFENDED WHEN SHE STARED SO HARD AT HIM LIKE

➜ THIS BITCH REALLY HAD IT COMING FOR HIM

➜ before your daughter just straight up cried right then and there while tooru's eyes widdened and tried apologizing to his daughter

“ aiko baby i'm so sorry ─ ” until your daughter slapped the lollipop from his mouth

➜ while oikawa just had that blank stare

➜ while you're trying not laugh so much because you KNOW his ego was shattered as she held her arms out for you, making grabby hands until you took her off from her father's hold

➜ oikawa : i hate it here😙😍💅

➜ aiko : it's what he deserves :)

➜ but when your daughter grew up, she ADORED HER FATHER, she would be the first to to the door whenever her father comes back from tournaments, your two younger sons, akiro and haruki would follower right after her chasing each other out

➜ oikawa still dresses her up even if she wasn't a seven year old anymore

➜ aiko is a daddy's girl and that's on periodt😡💅

➜ while aiko had tooru's playful and big dumb b energy, and your your hair and his eyes

➜ your oldest son, akiro, got your personality, and eyes but his father's hair

➜ and your youngest son, haruki, has both your eyes and hair and is a mix of yours and tooru's personality

➜ and it wasn't only aiko which held her father at such a good light that if she told him that ─ mans will be over the moon

➜ but also your two sons which found themselves loving and dedicating their love towards volleyball just like their father

➜ watching his games is a must !!

➜ his ego would not only be ASTRONOMICAL

➜ and just the overall overwhelming motivation had him serving 4 service aces in a row on periodttt

➜ your three kids would fight over who could scream the loudest in the stands for their father

➜ when he's away and your children would have those missing him hours™😔✋ oikawa would always try and contact you guys three times a day and everynight he'd be telling you guys how practice was and would also ask you guys how your days was.

➜ would teach his kids to FLIRT LMAO💀

➜ but will never fail teaching them that they should treat woman with RESPEKT ( and just overall everyone?? not just of their gender it's just because of idk??MANNERS ? )

➜ oikawa : *drinks his respect wamen juice.*

➜ ohoho but if his daughter ever starts having boy crushes MANS WOULD BE ALL POUTY

“ but loovveee ,, ” tooru drags out

“ our daughter is starting to date, what happened to marrying daddy one day? ”

“ tooru we're already married. ”

➜ you're tHIS👌 CLOSE TO DIVORCING HIS ASS

➜ you : i should have gone for the best friend instead

➜ IM JOKING YOU LOVE HIM A LOT

➜ beach volleyball !!

➜ after seeing how good beach volleyball taught hinata, giving him advantages in the indoor court, he wanted his child to as well

➜ or normal backyard volleyball will do

➜ just like with his teammates, oikawa is able to bring out the best in your children

➜ just a 11/10 dad, he may not always be with you guys because of volleyball but he'd always make time for you guys and would never neglect and forsake you guys

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