#idk it feels like im falling back in love with journaling | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

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Because of my heart break over Good Omens season 2, I have been trying to predict what might happen in season 3. Here's what I've got: I think Aziraphale takes on the forces of Heaven. I think Aziraphale is going to realize, the hard way, how toxic Heaven is and is going to fight Heaven to save humanity. And, I think he will start this fight alone.

Aziraphale has constantly shown that he values humanity above Heaven, but he has never really been given the chance to understand that Heaven doesn't have the same values. I mean he's seen it, but he has been told for centuries that Heaven is good - when you're told something so often it makes it hard to unlearn. He will not be able to stand by as Heaven does something to hurt humanity. He also will not be willing to see humanity last only 6000 years. I think there was a bit of foreshadowing that he will fight for Crowley's nebula to get a chance to really grow. I think having him start this battle on his own allows him to get his personal growth, and show Crowley that he is ready to fight for the things he loves (including Crowley). From there everyone will come together. I would also bet that we will get to see a lot more from God in the next season.

Any ways here's to feeding my delusions of everything being fine and Aziraphale and Crowley living happily in love forever.

hi lovely, i know your ask came in a while ago but I've needed to really take a minute to think about it properly!!!✨ I feel like ive been burned by fire as far as prediction goes (ie i got NUFFINK right haha), and think i ought to just stick to analysis lmao💀

however, possible thoughts on s3:

- second coming = greasy johnson, first up

- in terms of aziraphale, i think he's going to get a taste of actually how difficult it truly is to run heaven. i don't think we're suddenly gonna have him self righteous and be pitting himself against all of heaven's bureaucracy, because i think we need to see actually how difficult it is (as much as id hate to feel ANY empathy with any of the archangels). there's going to be red tape, stupid rules that must be followed for the greater good, moral dilemmas that as a lower angel he didnt appreciate had to be made... being a boss is hard. it's not fun, you have to please a lot of people, and make everything fair whilst essentially keeping a business afloat. i think, as it stands, it's pretty obvious that aziraphale is Not Suited for it, but is too much of a good person to not take his opportunity to make things Better

- the motives behind the metatron are going to be interesting to uncover. something tells me sTILL that aziraphale and crowley, together as a unit, are part of the ineffable plan, and this was a plan to separate them in order to prevent certain things coming to fruition (eg metatron references the second coming, but what if he's trying to prevent it???)

- the BoL has to come in again somewhere (the phrase chekovs gun now gives me a Twitch), but again i think that heaven has misunderstood what it actually is. i wonder, as the link says, if it's actually the deciding journal, or at least has a chapter in it, that chooses which angels fall and which don't... which, if aziraphale was meant to fall originally (and crowley took his place - TOTAL headcanon at this point), that could explain a lot about some motives crowley to keep aziraphale from returning to heaven's clutches, a last big secret that could make or break them... anyway i disgress

- idk about god. what really strikes me is the golden glow from heaven in s2e2, vs the sterile white we see now. plus, metatron essentially being de-facto sovereign over heaven? i think god fucked off a long while ago... i suspect she will come back, but maybe not as prominently as we'd like

- idk about crowley's s3 arc, im still thinking about that, he's probably gravitated towards tadfield or the south downs or st... but we're less than 12 hours post s2 release so all a little premature to be thinking about really!!!✨

#good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy #good omens speculation #ask

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queenofcoquette · 1 year

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stressing about life and im currently in a big slump and have 0 motivation to get up a do anything :(

aww im sorry :( honestly i relate to this sm. if u feel comfortable u can always dm me and we can talk it out. otherwise i have some advice, but i don't know much about your life so idk how much this advice will apply. i hope it helps tho :)

identify stressors/problems- write about whats going on in your life, and how this makes you feel. go in depth, really think about it and reflect on your emotions.

allow yourself to rest- take some time to meditate and be mindful, sometimes just a lot of deep breaths can help you get a clearer mind. meditate, breath, and spend time doing activities that aren't stressing

make a to-do list- create a list of priorities. slowly ease into doing what you need to get done, like what tasks and such. if you get overwhelmed, go back to deep breaths

journal your emotions- write about everything that's going on, day by day track how you feel

support- find a support system, whether its friends, family, just someone you can talk to and sort things out with

i might not know exactly what you're going through, but i know that you're so strong to keep going, and the fact that you're reaching out for help tells me that you're a proactive person, and you're strong! i want you to know that despite everything, you are truly wonderful, sometimes when things in life fall apart, it's because they're going to come back together into something better. i'm sorry if my advice sounds corny, i hope this helps, and feel free to dm me.

sending all of my love and positive energy to u <3

-a :)

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why-the-heck-not · 2 years

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How can you wake up so early like 4h30? 😅

I’ve tried to think it like it’s just another to wake up; nothing different with it and like 9am bc it’s just another arbitrary time u decided to wake up, might be earlier but it doesn’t rly matter bc time is a construct and if u just go to sleep earlier it’s the same.

Also some other not very groundbreaking stuff, but you gotta have a morning routine that works for you and that you like. Basically if it feels like ur morning routine is another load of work you gotta get through to get to start ur day, u’ll never want to wake up.

I tried so so many times waking up early with like the morning routine of every youtuber/influencer/ppl online it seems (the wake up, workout, meditate, journal, LeMoN wAteR FrOm ThE fResH SqueeZed LeMon TreE RigHt oUtsiDe) and it feels like shit and i’m ready to hit the hay right after (tho if that works for you; more power to you and also im jealous). Like no matter how much I try; I’m not a morning workout person. So i’m not gonna do that, bc if I try to workout in the morning after waking up, I won’t get up bc I dont wanna workout it’s cold and dark outside, I wanna stay in my bed where it’s warm and nice. And if I meditate in the morning, I will fall asleep real quick.

Mine currently is that I wakeup, immediately go make coffee. While that’s brewing, I do my skincare & brush my teeth. And then with that nice fresh cup of coffee, I go back to bed and chill for a bit (read, watch youtube/netflix, do the wordle, read the news, journal, idk whatever fits the mood). Then breakfast and another coffee, and then I do my makeup while listening to music and drinking coffee (usually the same cup as with breakfast, I’m not like downing those, I just need to have that emotional support cup of coffee during the morning at all times) (listening to like confidence boost songs and doing ur makeup and drinking coffee is a great combo and I’d be nowhere without it) and then that’s about it. So works to do the things u like to do first thing in the morning so u’ll have a reason to get up, and I love chilling and drinking coffee.

Also helped me to decide it during the evening beforehand that ”okay this is when I’m gonna be waking up” so there’s no choice to be made in the morning (used to put my alarm go off early and be like ”well I might get up idk” and wanna guess if I ever did)

#rambling bc guess what im in my ’’chilling in my bed with the coffee’’ times currently which has become my favorite times of the day #bc guiltfree me-time lol #asks #september 2022 #2022

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howdoyousleep3 · 1 year

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hi K! this is a little different but can i ask your advice? feel free to ignore but im kinda lonely right now and it feels like everyone i know is in relationships.. im 20 and i know thats young and i have a lot of time but sometimes i wonder if its cuz im not attracted to the people around me or if im not attracted to anyone at all... i dream about a lovely relationship but idk how to get there and if its even right? sorry for the dump D: have an amazing start to your november! i hope fall is treating you well

Hi lovebug! As I read this Ask I felt like I was reading about myself when I was 20, heh. I feel like 20 is notoriously a weird time where you are really learning about yourself still and questioning a lot. I know it's where a lot of my identity was formed, where a lot of big life things were happening. I'm so terribly sorry you are feeling lonely and questioning so many things. 🥺

I think the pieces of advice that come quickly to my head are be patient and take this opportunity to learn about yourself, witness yourself grow. I know both things are much easier said than done, and ones that are roller coasters of processes.

Patience is so important when learning about yourself. Show yourself grace as you seek out more experiences to try and find out who you are. Sexually, it took me well into my 20s to finally have the realization that I identify as Pansexual. Maybe there are more things to learn and more experiences to have before you have a grasp on how you identify. And that's where that patience and grace thing comes in because that can be a challenging time, learning about yourself.

The point in my life that changed everything for me was when I realized this was a time where I could be as carefree as possible, where I could really live my life. I was in college, away from home, had just broken up with my high school boyfriend of four years; it was a time to seek out new experiences.

And like...four months into this new and carefree part of my life where I was learning about myself is when Husband came into my life.

There's something so special about this time in your life even as it seems confusing and fueled with emotion. I'm quite fond of it actually, but maybe that's because I'm looking back on it now that my life has changed so much since then.

I really encourage you to take this time for you, cupcake. Dating apps were really fun for me at this time, maybe they would be for you. Doing things you want to do and not waiting around for others is something I encourage. Take yourself on dates, write in your journal, go to the park, work small jobs, say yes to things that make you a teensy scared.

Fall in love with yourself as you work through what love looks like for you. 💕

#askK #not fic related #lub you bby happy fall

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sheknowswhatnottosay · 14 days

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I Feel So Small And I Actually Like It. Everywhere Around The Globe I Travel I Am Paid Attention To Somehow In Someway And When Im Honest Like This It’s Like No One Wants To Hear It. On Here There’s But A Few of You And The Platform Is Dead. Like The Only Person Walking Around Alone At Night. When I Used To Do That In LA My Mind Was SOOOO Happy. I Was Actively Fighting My Anxiety. Now That Doesn’t Fit My Schedule And I’m In A Foreign Country Where I Fear Getting Robbed and Being Black. I’ve Made Myself Small Too Many Times For Others Here Too. It’s Like You Take My Spirit And Put It On A Hamster Wheel. It’s Too Much. Those of You Who Knew Me, And Knew Who I Was On Here I’m So Grateful For. I Need Friends Who Tolerate And Run Wild With Me. I’ve Considered Medication a Few Times. Idk Whether Id Be Running From Or Towards The Problem With That One. I’m Overwhelmed or Underwhelmed And It All Makes Sense When The Stars Really Align Right. I Think We All Feel That Way. I Don’t Have Any Secrets, Just The Special Moments I’ve Shared With You. And If You’ve Left My Side Now I’m Sure You’ve Summed It Up To Some Personality Disorder That You’ve Disclosed To Those Closest To You. One Thing I’m Not Is A Mystery Nor A Man of Labels. Nothing Is Up For Assumptions, Not Even This Journal Entry I Share With You. And If I Were Frank Fucking Ocean I’d Probably Be Operating On Measures That Work Best For Me. If Someone Could Take It Away I’m Not Sure I’d Let It Happen. The Endless Unfoldment of Suffering Continues And We Rise And Fall At Each Others Feet, Praising High The One Who Placed Us Here. Sometimes I Cry At His Presence. Other Times I Look Back And Laugh At My Foolishness. Like What Are You Even Saying?? And Then I’m Like Well You Know What, Make The Mistakes And Correct Them As You Get Older. That’s Progress. I’m No Prodigy I’m A Man Beginning My Journey To The End. And For My Lovers, You May Take It Or Leave It! I’ve Never Even Been Enough For Myself So I Expect Nothing of You But To Feel The Same. You’ve Never Been Enough For Me Either! And We Seek For More Of Ourselves In Each Other Calling That Love? Is That Anywhere Near The Subject? I’m Not An Encyclopedia.

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httpiastri · 7 months

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Hiii Love!

Gosh, I haven't been here in a while! I hope your doing good!

I actually managed to watch the race last Sunday, which is the first race I have watched since the summer break. That's so crazy 🙈 but I am just trying to get the most of the nice weather before it just starts to rain all the time here.

I am so so happy about choosing to do the year abroad, and even though sometimes there are harder days (like when my au pair kids do the opposite of what I tell them to do) and it gets frustrating, I love this work and the country and the kids of course! One of them was all cuddly today and didn't wanna stop hugging me 🥰

But the race was so good! Even though I am very... unsure what to think about Carlos as a person, I love love love Carlando and the teamwork at the end of the race was everything!! Gosh, I was so nervous!

I was planning on watching the race on Sunday as well, because it's early in the morning before I could go out, but now it turns out I am going out the night before and won't be home till 3 am 🙈 I really don't think I'm gonna be able to keep my eyes open to watch or even get up. How did I do this back home??

I don't know if I missed anything because I haven't read all of the asks, but did you come to a decision about your University? Just if you wanna talk about it :)

Also, I read that you were struggling a bit about a writer's block and I just wanna say that just starting is the most important thing, even if it might be absolute bullshit! You can always improve it later! Hope it resolves itself soon and you have more time to write as well!!

-✨

hello love! i’ve missed you!! i’ve been doing good, how about you? <33

aw im glad you got to watch the race, it was a good one!! not just the boring old “max verstappen wins by 64 seconds” race 🤭 i’ve been kinda unsure about my feelings about carlos recently too but i can’t say no to carlando, such an iconic and lovely pairing 🥰 just wish it had been swapped around so lando had the win!

but yes you’re right for enjoying the weather and spending time with the kids! i’m really glad you feel like going away to be an au pair is the right thing 🥺 since i work with kids too (they’re probably a bit older than yours, though?…) i really get you, it can be annoying at times but it’s also so much fun. and a cuddly child 🥺😭 that’s so sweet awwww i’m so happy for you about this whole thing 🫶

oh god if you’re up that late then it indeed would be hard to stay awake 😩 good thing you can always watch it later! and i hope you have a great night out 😁😁 idk how i’m gonna survive it either, i really wanna catch up on some sleep this weekend… why couldn’t this weekend be a later race 😔😔

about uni, i ended up not going and instead i’m taking a course in journalism at another university! it’s only once a week though, so i’ve been working these last few weeks. first time i’ve ever worked an actual 9-5 job for more than like two days 😵 i’ve done so many other types of work but this is new territory. it’s quite alright so far! the only problem being that i never fall asleep until 1am at the earliest, so i never get a lot of sleep :/ well well!

you’re very right, always when i get a block i just sit down and force myself to write either way. i have barely had any time at all to write these last few weeks tho so i haven’t gotten around to doing it. i did manage to sit down last night though and had a good writing moment! but it was at 2am so my work today is going to suffer from it 🥲 thank you love!

i hope you have a great weekend sweetheart 🥰🥰

#love hearing from you <333 #asks!#anon!#✨!

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dumbbitchfrommars · 9 months

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i just journalled about it but im still kinda irritated. like i genuinely think that youre just annoyed at me for trying to have my life together, for having work and doing uni and that our parents are happy about that. its not really my fault that i made that choice? like its not my fault youre insecure about that. in the samr way its not your fault im insecure about my social life. hm. interesting

im still going to resent you for that. i dont really know how to stop it. maybe my psych could help with that.

idk

little things bother me. like you being fine being friendly with my ex because its 'just the way you are' well me being argumentative and temperamental is JUST THE WAY I AM. but god forbid i get (rightfully) annoyed at you for being flakey and unreliable, and i am so fucking evil for that. are you serious?

ive been like this forever and now all of the sudden you cant handle it. okay fine. fine. the last few months ive been slowly coming to terms with the fact that our relationship is going to have to have a massive shift. like massive in the fact that it cant really exist anymore. its not possible for us to be close without us both getting seriously triggered and upset at the other. so we stop hanging out and talking as much and its solved. literally how gross and pathetic, like all those toxic siblings we hear about and feel bad for.

ideally i could just move out and i wont have to deal with any of your weird energy at all. but its just so annoying being at home, even when we dont really see eachother or even talk, because your constant avoidant energy just seeps out everywhere. i notice it because youre always so quick to rush out and get away from the house. like we all fucking get it, you hate us all and dont wanna be around us. grow tf up. learn how to communicate your problems with people and cop the reaction from it. i learnt a long time ago.

its funny cause the more you try to avoid something, the more that problem grows. you dont want me to be angry and irritated at you, and the fact that youre avoiding makes me more irritated. you do realise that, right? i mean, i told you. i thought we made a breakthrough but youre still acting like a child.

is that why? do you feel like a child? do you feel immature because of what im doing with my life? is that the insecurity for you?

its annoying for me to have to sit here and overanalyse shit because you fail to communicate this stuff with me. i tried to have an adult conversation with you and you get so uncomfortable and avoidant. for the first time i feel like the therapist.

remind me to never trust your advice again. remember what happened with the taurus? to be fair you helped me confront the issue with him. but he completely gaslit me and you were like yea hes right, you were in the wrong. girl?

atp i have to treat myself as an only child now. because i certainly cant come to you with anything anymore. its not like youd come to me! and im actually open and trying to be here for you. how sad is that. its actually so sad. like the fear of abandonment do be coming true and it really do be the ones closest to you. and how is it always the youngest? the same thing happened with con and maeve. like how could you just dog your family like that.

i was and still am genuinely concerned that shes falling into a depression again but im just gonna put faith in and pray to god that her friends are actually there for her and providing her with the love and support she needs (if that was the case). at the very least she has her friends.

and back to square one for me. i have me myself and i, like always.

the thing i need to work on is being more appreciative of her, and the little things she does to be there for me. even if its not what i want or need or asked for. i have to grateful. i am grateful for my sister. i will put my pride aside and be the bigger person like i was earlier today. i know i hurt her and im sorry and i am grateful for her making time for me in her busy busy life. think about the slay it girls kylie and kendall. it took them till their mid 20s to reach a stable place as sisters. perhaps it will just take some more time.

its worth the wait. (thanks chan)

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chewinglass · 10 months

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hey… forgot you existed for a bit. feels like the perfect activity for 3:11am me.

so weird that I’m pretty much just writing to my future self. Hello future lass, I love you. Tonight I really wanted to read that book that has that name, I really wanted to project myself on her, the one with my name, but the book isn’t what I hoped it would be. It makes me want to write, consuming mediocre art makes me want to create mediocre art. I hope the markets can accommodate for this.

Im still me. There’s still so much I want to do. I don’t know how to do it all. I think im going to become more strict with myself now, now is the time to finally develop self discipline. I think I need to break up with someone before that though. I could write so much about this person, he wants to marry me, I think he’s cool, a little too old for me, not super respectful of my bid to be alone but it’s not up to him. My emotions are all chaotic, I’ve gone through so many lesson arcs so far. Fantasizing about life with him, fantasizing about eclipsing him, fantasizing about being with someone who is the exact opposite of him, fantasizing about all the possible paths life with him could take, realizing that all of these are exaggerated fantasies and life will be much more strange and unpredictable. Reality is stranger than fiction. Right now I’m just trying to stay happy. Trying to get back to work, it’s hard. I feel so much time pressure. I’m waiting for manic inspiration to strike, just to get me out of this rut. It’s dumb.

I feel like I won’t let myself work on anything because everything I want to work on is “wrong” and I need to be prioritizing what needs to get done and what doesn’t better. Which is true, but it also means I’m doing no work right now. I hate it.

I’m the most powerful I’ve ever felt: so fully in control of my destiny, forgiven of my sins (I forgave myself), happy, not letting my life fall to pieces, building it up slowly.

I’m also the weakest: I miss my insane 16 year old self. I miss my insane 19 year old self. I miss the self I was in my fantasies.

I’ve known so many different selves, I want to be so many more selves. I feel incredibly pen holding right now, literally.

Thought about doing a spell tonight to unbind myself from my bad habits but as we know, magic can only do what it is allowed to do, and at a deep level I’m not sure if I’d allow it. My brain said just try tho, you can always reverse it. And my mind said “how do we know how to do this? How do we know the right way? Ask ChatGPT?” The fight hasn’t been settled yet. I’m so bad at committing to things. Ex; I would never do an exercise spell since I’d worry that I’d end up focusing too much on exercising and gym would become a 3hr a day thing (1hr prep, 1hr gym, 1hr sauna/shower). I need to learn how to go to the gym and be back in an hour. Or maybe just not go every day, or go in the morning if I can get on a sleep schedule I like? Idk. I also need to learn how to do this fully for myself, I might not see a difference in my body, I won’t get any external approval. Fuck it I should start going to the gym when I wake up.

I keep overcomplicating things. I want to learn how to eat an elephant. It’s Thursday I’m going to commit to a week of learning how to eat an elephant. I’m going to give myself a dr prescription:

- at least 1 hour a day of movement

- at least 1 hour a day of work

- at least one hour a day of cleaning up

- journal: what’s your fantasy morning routine? Try it out for two mornings.

journal: what are you excited to do during your hour of movement? Hour of work? Hour of cleaning? Imagine it before you do it.

It’s so important to imagine things before doing them when you create a todo list, especially if the task is intimidating.

One big open question for me is how do I balance exploration with execution? Will I ever finish the side project I wanted to finish? It could be really helpful for me, possibly others, and quick to finish. Why am I rationalizing it to myself?

I need to write a letter cancelling my travel probably. I need to get some of these constant ideas out of my head. Finish pg task. Make some designs. Update TestFlight. Ughhhhhhh I feel so bad. I keep wanting to run away. Maybe I need sleep. Yeah. It’s 3:39am. What else could I possibly do right now that wouldn’t be better done when I wake up? Plan my day tomorrow maybe?

ok I’m gonna drink a boujie relaxation drink called “I love my adrenals” and plan my day tomorrow. I definitely need to shower tomorrow lol.

I think I can actually get a lot done if I don’t travel or get a boyfriend. Dating takes so much time. Ok bye xoxoxoxo

#I just want to make the add tags button go away

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leafbatraccoon · 10 months

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these were notes on my journal till yesterday but the news that we're getting the nectar-making skill with horses i figured i'd have some fun with it yet still be loud with my opinions, so i'll reblog with updates from time to time - im reposting with the original slot texts bc i was unhappy with my sleepless decision making 👍👍 | details under the cut if u wanna know but i'm a bit of a hater fyi |

longer seasons - i don't think this will happen, if miracle mods show up i might stamp them on in a different color but from what i've found it's pretty ingrained in the game that 28 days is the longest and if modders we're going to crack it they might've done it already but when im playing on pretty long life spans i just 💔💔 50+ days seasons would be the dream, but i'd be happy with 45 👀 10 outfits per category - same as before ig, this is probably super niche but i'm not satisfied and i hate having to get into cas to change it up so much bc in my head they have a closet each and i want to mix and match pieces in a realistic way 👚 pack refreshes - tbf, they did set up an expectation for that one which for the looks of it they are done with it; there's so much to fix, dine out in general, mermaids deserve some love in comparison to the other occults, updates to the bodies of water (going in the water in windenburg would be legendary), hu just bug fixes and compatiblity here and there would be nice (more hiking ? power walks in more places? its so weird how they are restricted to ONE place) now by world refreshes - i mean that in my dreams they go back and expand the maps they give us 🗺️🗺️ im greedy and want 2 neighbourhoods for my vampires & spellcasters, a lil more space in moonwood mill, granite falls & del sol valley too why not not gonna happen so i can say wtv an extra space in mt komorebi with apartments and since we're at it in san sequoia too; will def not happen working gallery - ig that might be coming too ?? idk my gallery sucks at times like it wont find any results when there are ?? and i know there are bc if i restrict more it might come up with something?? also just wanted better mechanism for the searches, i never had issues with disturbing content showing up tho so idk i heard some simmers weren't so lucky

bigger households - having to control or monitor 8 human/humanish sims is challeging enough but because pets, because having to fake apartments, because reasons; i use mccc but this workaround brings issues in cas so yea, wishlist ✔️ snakes // lizards - this would've been appropriate to launch with horses imo and i'd love if there had been interaction/compatibility from snakes in the wild and those taller friends & other small pets - small pet options in ts4 are non existent, sorry, birds only exist in that one tree (they are probably happy about not being captive actually), bunnies are also wild (personally im fine with it but i know that its a popular pet so i'd love if it was an option), reptiles don't exist (yet) and rodents are exclusive to the slap-in-the-face-of-this-community pack... 🐁🐇🐢🦎🐍🐦🐜 faeries or other fae kin - i feel like they've hinted at it for quite a while and we've seen it show up in quizzes too?? 🧚‍♀️ so i'm hopeful for this one and hope they are just trying to make sure they properly deliver on it bc there's a lot of fantasy enthusiasts and they deserve it & woodland creatures - personally would love it if the fae pack came with woodsy world and the addition of woodland creatures at least the spiritual kind (like unicorns or a white doe which they possibly alluded to with puzzles - it made me real giddy) bonus points if it has some outdoor retreat compatibility

owning more lots - after winning the lottery or keeping up with a family for generations, sims can accumulate quite a lot of money, there's not a lot of expenses in the life of a sim tbh, travelling only costs one loading screen, gardeing makes you rich and thats ok ig but being able to own a holiday house would be welcomed, not just a business 🏘️ nectar making - when tartosa came but no nectar making i was a bit let down, imagine making or acquiring a special batch for your wedding?? it would've been lovely and appropriate for a wedding pack but ... yeah anyway it comes with the horse pack for some reason so at least it's coming, and only 3 years after juice fizzing 🥂 bands and more instruments - another thing they've hinted at in polls and i kinda wished it to come with HSY yet was not surprised it didn't; that being said we need drums and other instruments like bass and/or contrabass, just more than what we have if we're to have bands plz skating and/or surfing - these two are very different and honestly idk how the latter one would work, i just think they are popular sports we could have; at least skate boards should be easy enough to implement and a cute way for sims to drift around their closed off worlds so i have more hope for that one 🏄

hotels - even if they've been around the franchise and ts4 seems to draw all it's ideas from previous iterations i'm not confident they haven't just been replaced by rental properties but it's not the same, i'd like to be able to meet other guests vacationing on the property without having to engineer everything about it, ordering meals at hotel services and running/owning a hotel also; retirement homes - ELDER SIM LOVE IN GENERAL (canes, health issues, idk im not that old yet ..hum wills & testiments, special interactions) i feel growing together really fucked up on that one but i was not surprised bc it's ts4 and we rely on crumbs mods here and thats why some players stop buying dlc 👵☕👴 the townie refreshes - just pay some fans to do it at this point bc it's taking so long; most of them don't need to be redesigned anyway, just add hot and cold weather outfits, preferences and maybe a sneaky extra trait or lifestyle they could have developed and voilá, finish that chapter disabilities - i don't want it in the form of traits and thing it's rotten to make people to pay for it BUT i'd love to see some disability representation in this game, physical, cognitive and what not. i understand at this point it might be hard to introduce but i think it be really important to have this in the sims and ts4 is about time funerals & cemeteries - death is a part of life, this is a life sim... thats it basically, i want it, i miss it in comparison to previous games, i fake it with parks and inviting guests over, but we shouldn't have to tho seems pretty basic stuff

more and better apartments - i would like it if we saw more conjoined builds, more apartment builds, both with few floors and plenty, the option to have sims living in different floors of the same building and even having business or community lots in builds that are divided into multiple lots - ambitious ik - bonus points if they update apartments in a way you can own one or more and rent them out - i don't want to play as a landlord, i swear - i just want my sims to be allowed do simbnb while they go for a weekend in the city (which ig u cant bc of the current system/coding idk) or bringing them to more existing worlds but bc of the obstacles to that i have 0 hopes well-crafted worldly words - i see a lot of americancentric choices being made when creating the worlds, it's unrealistic for a global player base and hum.. a life sim and whenever they drop interesting worlds they are always so frigging small you have to sacrifice making a lively town, with people and businesses, if you want you're sim to live in certain environments (or use multibuilds, which is fine ig but it bothers me a bit) and they fail to utilize the common spaces of the neighbourhoods in ways simmers would love to, to bring some life into these worlds; 🌍 the worldly part of it... i am yet to see african like climates and cultures represented, asia is so wide & full of diversity and we get one japan inspired world so far, south america if confined to a destination world if you don't have mods ig (maybe it's changed by now im not sure) and europe while being represented in 3 packs so far - and one of them being the best in terms of lots per world we've had so far - 2 of them have few lots and its all very niche, so in a way i don't need to be able to point to the actual cities that inspired those worlds, it's not my priority just something that crowded and lively that draws from wider range of cultures and that mre people could recognize as close to their experience would be nice 🌏 also more islands maybe im a sulani simp new jobs & careers - i love GTW, it was the first pack i got and sure it deserved a refresh by now and i would welcome it, especially if it meant more careers, i really liked that gameplay feature; that being said i feel like we deserve more job options OR branches. y no dentist ??? i cant think of ideas right now but while playing the game and setting up townies or sims i feel limited a lot trans content fixes - yea i avoid using the in-game system for trans rep (i headcanon a lot and cheat stuff basically) bc its just not the best in general (clothes fit weird, there's no changes in the frame through time as there would be with hormonal treatments - which there arent in the game so makes sense), not in comparison bc i dont know other games to compare it to just real life ig but im not even that informed tbh; i am happy they didnt create a life sim where trans people are erased and don't want them to be discouraged to stop investing in this at all so i try not to mention it but fix the binder at least & here's a tumblr post that helps me a bit something that surprises me - /pos !! because... they don't... a lot of what we see seems to me like repeating the content ideas from older games but spreading it out to make as much dlc as possible; i had a lot of more wow reveal moments with ts2 & ts3 i feel like but cant truly be sure bc brain is mush

#ok here we go im keeping this one #two ppl saw the og #i love love love to know what people miss in the game + their opinions and this just felt like a fun format #wish fulfillment #but with typos #bingo #roadmap #kinda #long post #repost #raccoon only #sims opinion #sims discourse #simblr #sims 4 #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims related

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crepuscularghost · 2 years

Text

trying hard not to isolate but i feel much more at peace not talking to people and trying to stay relevant on social media. it's always been a struggle to force myself to socialize with people, whether online or in person. it doesn't feel natural. and yet all sources tell me that it's unhealthy to do this but talking with anybody just irritates me and I end up shutting notifs off for everything and avoid social circles.

i know there is something sick brewing in my head, also, because I get increasingly angry over the smallest stuff. I narrowly avoided the hospital again, fingers hovering over 911 at 2am facing lingering H&S ideation, but I simply cannot afford more debt. I know I need to be admitted right now. but the only thing that's bringing me back down from these fits is thc. and they'll keep me away from it b/c it's not approved for psychiatric use. i literally tried quitting, again, which only resulted in a mental break that resulted in self harm. a lot of my triggers are misophonic. but even being touched by strangers, being looked at, crowded areas or streets, I find myself just falling into a blind rage and hating absolutely everyone around me. it's poisoning my head and I can't get out of the brainspace to think differently. at first my thoughts were ego-dystonic but over time I'm slowly losing a sense of a conscience. it kind of comes in waves. often right after I'm done disassociating, I feel empty and on edge, ready to strike the first offender. if I manage to take control over myself, I end up self harming b/c the thoughts b/c ego-dystonic again and I can't escape them and nothing will be quiet. what helps? ice and weed. im basically addicted to sipping ice tea b/c it cools me off and crunching the ice serves as a distraction/stim of some sort to keep my anger at bay. putting ice or cold water/washcloth on my head also serves as a distraction. I have to smoke every 3-4 hours to keep myself from facing ideation of some sort. I double dosed on my new medication even though they only gave me 15 days worth, b/c I was acting hypomanic and was a stiff shaking ball absolutely refusing to smoke b/c they wanted to OD instead. eating has been hard. i can only really eat meat atm as everything else kinda upsets my "textural sensitivity" issues which induces instant vomiting. even sweet foods or smoothies are difficult to eat. what normally took 10 minutes to eat a meal now takes me 60 and when it goes cold I no longer want it. lol. I'd like to think I'm improving a little bit since being on day 5 of this medication, but it's too soon to tell. I don't have any triggers right now. But even just two hours ago, loud bass notes outside my window was enough to cause my misophonic anxiety to go out of whack and I flipped out. so yeah. Any little thing can set me off. (it lasted like 3 minutes but I still ended up smashing my head with my fists b/c I can't simply go to the other room b/c i get mentally Stuck when I'm Angry) anyway. just journaling the experience. I keep having what I'd call BPD moments where I'm verging on breaking up with my boyfriend over things that are insignificant. I don't want to. I love him so much, he's literally the most important thing to me. I'm terrified I'll do something stupid one day though. My thoughts get so fucking whack. idk what to do. im just waiting until my therapy appointment in the end of july. it's so far away. i hope i can hang on.

#long post

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starboundsingularities · 2 years

Text

Gravity Falls characters and how likely I am to befriend them

dipper: honestly?? seems cool. would probably enable my tendencies towards the paranormal in both a /pos and a /neg way because he definitely encourage me getting to the bottom of it and help me to do so but i alreadyd have a tendency towards paranoia and well he is a very anxious child. however would absolutely befriend him anyways and tell him about how whenever i fall asleep holding the journal its somehow always put away when i wake up (real thing thats happening to me. i do not know why). might be a little averse to some of my humor though (jokingly threatening to do VERY weird shit to people i dislike, shit like "I will ensure that moss grows inside of your internal organs" and "I AM GOING TO REPLACE YOUR VEINS WITH LICORICE" i feel like that would worry him)

mabel: would send funny pictures i bet. even if she cant give me a physical sticker she'd send me a picture of one and i appreciate the thought. seems very fun and thats bc she is in fact very fun. 10/10 would absolutely befriend her

wendy: seems very chill and laid back (even tho she Isnt) and shed probably be a really good friend but i get the feeling if we were to ever meet we would not make it into each others circles. we are not the same we live two vastly different lives and im willing to accept that. would befriend if the opportunity arises

soos: SOOS. HONESTLY. ID LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE BESTIES WITH SOOS. HES FUNNY HES COOL HES LIKE. THE EXACT KIND OF PERSON I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH. SOOS IF YOURE OUT THERE IM GOING TO BEFRIEND YOU

grunkle stan: im always down for a good crime. hell yeah. idk if we'd rlly be "friends" per se but id gladly let him adopt me and thats close i think

grunkle ford: id play dnd with him. i mean id play dnd with anyone that i knew (please. please) but like. i feel like it'd be an interesting one with him. again idk if we'd be "friends" but again id let him adopt me. and then play dnd with me. please.

gideon: i dont CARE if he got "redeemed" in the finale he's a little creep and im blocking him on sight. do not talk to me do not engage with me i do not want you near me.

pacifica: her redemption is definitely more believable and id be willing to give her a chance but it would not mean much as i dont think our interests would align at ALL. itd just be awkward i think.

bill: seems like itd be fun and hed certainly appreciate the idea of turning someone's veins into licorice and i think he'd get enjoyment out of some of the shit i send to my friends (flesh tent, furbynomicon, furby organ, idk some 4th thing) but it would likely not be anything meaningful because he would gladly kill me to further his own plans and i recognize that. would still send him furby organ though.

#Gravity Falls #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Wendy Courderoy #Soos #Grunkle Stan #Grunkle Ford #Stanley Pines #Stanford Pines #Gideon Gleeful #Pacifica Northwest #Bill Cipher #idk what prompted me to write this but i feel better having written it.

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lxngbottom · 3 years

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i NEED more dominant neville!! maybe something to do with thigh riding idk 🤷🏼‍♀️

Be A Good Girl. | N.L.

in which neville makes the reader ride this thigh.

warnings: nsfw, smut, thigh riding, some degradation, dom!nev (lmk if there are more!)

you guys....... i fucking LOVE dom!neville

(edit: omg im getting to all of your requests so late pls forgive me i’ve had a lot going on in my life lately but i’m on that grind rn)

—

it was completely innocent, you see. the timing was bad, you assumed.

you and neville rarely ever fought, as he was never the one for conflict. but, the day before, you had felt like a last priority to the boy. and, maybe he didn’t mean to make you feel like that, but, he did.

so, when you two had screamed at each other for 45 minutes straight in his dorm, and you stormed out, you had decided to give him the silent treatment. and to get your mind off of things, luna had invited you to go to hogsmeade with her and harry.

harry sat in the common room patiently, waiting for your arrival. neville was there as well, because of course he had found out that you had been invited, and he was really hoping that he could try to convince you to not go, and just have a day for you two to make up for his absence the day before.

you finally came walking down the staircase, struggling to fit something into your purse as you did so. because of this, you didn’t notice the gawking stares you were getting from the most of the boys in the common room. neville stared at you, took in your outfit. a tank top due to the warm weather, and a high waisted skirt that showed off the top of your thighs deliciously. you pulled it up a bit, making neville lick his lips in hunger from how fucking sexy you looked.

but, that’s when he realized that he wasn’t the only one staring. and, the realization hit him that you were... punishing him? you? punishing him? you knew damn well that wasn’t how things worked, and on any other day, it would earn a smack on your ass cheek.

“hey, harry! ready to go?” you greeted the boy, zipping up your purse with a toothy smile. he looked you up and down, amazed at the fact that neville longbottom of all people was dating someone that looked like you.

“y-yeah! totally! let’s head out.”

neville stormed over to you, wrapping his hand around your wrist before you could go anywhere.

“we need to talk.” he demanded sternly, his jaw clenched as he witnessed harry practically eye-fucking you.

you rolled your eyes, and snatched away from him. he went to grab you again, but you stopped him with a slap to the wrist. you let out a “hmph!” and walked away with harry, and neville watched as the skirt fit perfectly around your ass.

a punishment definitely had your name written all over it for later.

—

“night, harry!” you waved, smiling at the boy. he waved back, and went up the stairs to go back to his dorm.

you did the same, relieved to finally just be able to relax. maybe, read a book before you fell asleep, or catch up on some journaling. yeah, that sounded nice.

you had a wonderful day. filled with laughs and small conversations between yourself, luna, and harry. you seemed to have completely forgotten about your boyfriend, and the argument you guys had just 24 hours before.

you entered your dorm, your head down to make sure that you locked it back when you stepped in. after your heard the sound of your door locking, you took the small cardigan off that you had brought with you, as the nighttime had made the air much chiller. you hung your purse up near the door, as that was a small system that one of your dorm mates had came up with. you kicked your shoes off, body still not facing your bed.

you went to take your tank top off, until something interrupted you.

“hm.”

the small mutter made you jump, and you turned around quickly to see who the culprit was. of course, it was neville. he sat on your bed, book in hand, and a dark look in his eyes as he stared at you,

you huffed, “what the hell are you doing here? i was changing, you know!”

he chuckled, the small laugh spiteful and low, “don’t stop on my account. it’s not like i haven’t seen you naked before, darling.”

you rolled your eyes, and stomped over towards your bed, “leave!”

he looked up at you, fake curiosity in his eyes. he slammed the book shut, and tossed it on your bedside table.

“why should i?”

you scoffed at him, “because, this is my dorm! and, i honestly don’t want to speak to you! so piss off!”

he found you adorable. your little tough act that you were trying to keep up. he knew it was only a matter of time before you would be wrapped around his finger once again, begging for him to be inside of you.

“you’re not still angry at me are you?”

he knew the answer to that. he just liked to tease you,

“yes! i’m very angry at you, neville! i was having a great day and of course... you come along to make me feel bad when you were in the wrong!”

neville grabbed your thigh as you tried to walk away, his fingers tightening on the sensitive skin, “me in the wrong? i wasn’t the one prancing around in this little skirt all day like a fucking whore.”

the statement made your stomach flutter, and you couldn’t help the blush that raised to your cheeks.

“i know what you’re playing at, petal. and, i don’t appreciate it. do you know how many guys were staring at your ass? staring at what belongs to me?”

the question made your cross your arms, “playing at? i’m not playing at anything, neville. i just wanted to feel pretty today. sorry that you’re angry that other guys find me attractive...”

that fucking attitude. oh god, you were in for it.

neville pulled you down by your wrist, settling you right on top of his lap. you felt his hard cock sticking out from his pants, just waiting to be touched. you couldn’t help but to sigh from the way it felt on your clothed clit.

“watch your fucking mouth, petal. you know i don’t like when you talk back.”

the tone in his voice made your panties dampen, and you tried to look away, avoid his intense gaze, but he quickly turned your face back by grabbing your chin,

“i saw the way harry was looking at you. you wanted him to see your pretty little ass... didn’t you?” he reached his hand up slowly, and caressed your cheek menacingly. you gulped, his dark eyes having a greater affect on you than you’d like to admit.

without warning, the hand that was settled onto the small of your back moved down swiftly, going underneath your skirt, and it came down with a harsh slap to your ass cheek. you whimpered, the burning sensation automatically kicking in.

“how many more slaps do you think you deserve, huh? cause... i think you deserve at least ten more, doll.”

you quickly shook your head, your clothed clit falling victim to his crotch. you bucked your hips up slightly, pleading for more friction.

he looked down, noticing the arousal leaking from your panties, staining his pants. he tsked and shook his head as he studied your desperate attempt to pleasure yourself,

“pretty sluts like you that like to show off don’t deserve my cock... isn’t that right, petal?” he cooed teasing, placing a single kiss on your neck.

“i—i’m sorry... please—“

“no begging. you know what’s coming.”

you sighed, knowing that no amount of pleading would lead you to get your way. you had made him mad, and you knew that there was no getting away with that.

“here’s what’s going to happen, petal. you’re going to get yourself off on my thigh. got it? and maybe... if you’re good i’ll fuck you until you can’t take it anymore. does that sound good?”

you quickly nodded your head, the thought of riding neville’s thigh always being so fun, in the most sinful way possible.

“alright, now be a good girl and do as i say...”

neville began to position himself up against the headboard, as he was not too keen on letting you fall back onto the floor. you waited patiently as he adjusted, beginning to take your tank top off.

he watched as the straps fell, and he licked his lips when he saw your bra covered breasts. he felt his cock twitch from the mere sight of your nipples as you took your bra off, letting it fall to the floor with a small noise.

you reached for the hem of your skirt, but neville interrupted,

“no. the skirt and your panties stay on. it looks too fucking good on you.”

you wanted to protest, as if you were going to do this you wanted to be able to feel all of him. but, you really had no choice. so, you simply nodded and crawled over towards your lovely boyfriend.

he patted his thigh as a sign for you to get on, and you did so shakily, not knowing what to expect.

“move your hips, petal...” he ordered, grabbing them and starting for you, “just like that.”

instantly, that fire in your stomach a-blazed. neville watched as you bucked your hips, trying to desperately not to miss his flexed thigh on your heat. he placed small, teasing kissing along your neck, going down to your breasts, and nibbling on your nipples gently.

you gasped, all the sensations beginning to hit you at once,

“look at my pretty girl, making me so fucking hard. merlin... you’re such a slut...” he breathed out, the movements from your knee cap stimulating him. in times like this, neville almost let the dominant mask slip off, but, he knew he had to keep it on.

“nev—fuck—c-cum...” you stuttered out, that familiar knot in your got trying ever so desperately to come apart.

he chuckled lowly at your state, and the way your eyes were rolling to the back of your head. “please... n—need y-your cock...”

he automatically shook his head,

“i told you, petal... dirty little sluts like you don’t get my cock... you know that already.”

you whimpered, only wanting the sensation of him inside of you, fucking you into oblivion.

as time went by, the urge to release was taking over your whole being. your thighs and hips were aching at this point, and neville as well could feel himself about to cum.

neville placed a sloppy kiss on your lips, “can’t get off, petal?” he teased, a smarmy grin on his face, “i’ll take over for you... even though you don’t deserve it.”

that’s when he held your hips once more, and flexed his thigh to his best ability. he moved you, your whimpers and moans only increasing with every feeling of friction.

“k-kiss...” you muttered, speech shaky and uneven. but, neville knew what you wanted. so, he pulled you in for a heated kiss, his tongue entering your mouth before you could even welcome it.

his cock was aching at this point, and he could feel himself about to release all in his pants.

“cum, flower. i need to feel you cum all over me like a good girl, alright?”

the tone in his voice was all you needed to let out a loud scream, and fall apart right in his arms. your thighs trembled, and neville felt your cum gather all in a pool on his pants. he as well came, a loud groan escaping his lips as your face fell into his neck.

“mhm... you make me feel so good, petal...”

#harry potter #neville longbottom #neville longbottom imagine #neville longbottom smut #neville x reader #harry potter smut #harry potter imagine #neville longbottom x reader #neville x y/n #neville longbottom x y/n #smut #imagine #one shot

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beforeoursunsets · 3 years

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aud. i'm so obsessed with literally EVERYTHING on your masterlist. ugh chefs kiss af. as for the request: since i haven't seen this trope on your account yet, what about some good ole amnesia? like one day draco gets wiped OUT by a bludger, wakes up, and forgets being in love with the reader. i just know you'd do this justice ILY

Amnesia - d.m

a/n: hiiii anon! tysm for the love you are so kind and i hope i didn't totally butcher this request!!! also im too tired to come up with an original title,, lol enjoy <33

house: slytherin

word count: 1.7k

warnings: just amnesia but idk if that counts, oh and a sorta open ending dont kill me

-----

You almost fell out of your seat, a cry escaping you as Draco plummeted nearly fifteen meters to the grass below. The astounding crack and thud sent the entire stadium quiet, Madam Hooch and her surrounding professors racing to the unconscious blond.

“Is he…” Pansy breathed, “...alive?”

Concern, etched on both of your faces, felt like a complete understatement compared to how you actually felt about the incident. Grabbing the coat you’d almost left behind, Parkinson followed along as you went straight for the infirmary.

Minutes later she had to slow down, unable to keep up with your running pace. Once she was finally able to catch up, Pansy found you bickering with Madam Pomfrey, begging her to let you inside the hospital wing.

“No you listen,” The matron scowled, “you can visit him tomorrow morning. Mr. Malfoy needs ample time to rest.” She said with finality.

You gave up, irritably walking towards your panting friend while dragging her back in the direction she had just come from. Tears stained your cheeks, but the weeping was gone momentarily, replaced with newfound disdain for Madam Pompfrey.

“She won’t tell me anything.” You complained, pacing in the Slytherin common room. “From what I know they could be embalming him right now!”

“Y/N, I think we both just need to relax right now. I don’t think Draco’s dead,” Pansy reassured you. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

After a long night of restless tossing and turning, you were out of bed the minute the sun rose. Thankfully it was a Saturday, and with no classes to attend you could spend the entire day in the hospital wing. Once you were inside, she would have to drag you out of there herself.

You pulled one of your boyfriend’s sweaters, holding it close to you as the cold morning air nipped your skin. With your best friend at your side, you pushed open the infirmary door, eyes searching for the injured boy.

Madam Pomfrey motioned for you to stay quiet, narrowing in her eyes as she did so.

You found Draco quickly, as he was the only other student in the room. His arm and left leg were bandaged up, his neck in a brace to hold it steady. The mere sight of him made your knees grow heavy, threatening to send you to the ground if you weren’t clutching onto his bed.

Pansy put a hand on your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you, “Hey, look, he’s waking up.” She whispered.

Slowly, his eyes opened, grimacing at the room’s lighting. Draco looked down at his hand entwined with yours, hesitantly recoiling it.

“Pansy? What’s going on?” He asked, his voice raspy.

You were almost taken aback. Never had you been insecure about his friendship with Parkinson, but it was like he didn’t even see you standing beside him. She looked almost uncomfortable, dealt with his awkward inquiry.

“One of the Ravenclaw beaters took you down with a bludger…” She prompted, trying to kickstart his recollection of last night’s quidditch game.

“Oh.” He responded simply.

“Are you serious?” You cut in, “You almost died and that’s the best you can say?”

Draco had finally made eye contact, looking back at you incredulously, “Why are you wearing my sweater?”

“And why is L/N even here?” He asked Pansy, turning away from you.

The matron picked up on the conversation, now concerned herself. “Miss L/N, I think it’s best for you to leave.”

“Of course I’m here, I’m your girlf--”

“I said, I think it’s best for you to leave.” She reiterated.

You were utterly confused, sending Pansy a look of near despair. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Leave. Now.”

After you had begrudgingly left the hospital wing, Pansy stayed behind as requested by Madam Pomfrey. Draco had seemed to recognize his friend, unlike you, who had only befuddled him.

She pulled your friend to the side, beginning to explain Draco’s condition now that you were out of sight. “I’m starting to believe that Mr. Malfoy here has suffered a brain injury after his fall. For how long have he and Miss L/N been together?” She inquired.

“Over a year,” She responded quickly.

Returning to his bedside, Madam Pomfrey began asking Draco a series of questions, trying to pinpoint how far his memory had recoiled. “What year are you in?”

“Fourth, obviously.” He drawled, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“And what was the last thing you remember?” She prodded.

“The goblet of fire,” Draco responded, “bloody Potter managed to cheat the damn thing.” He spat.

Pansy looked at Madam Pomfrey with concern, that had happened two years ago.

“Would anyone care to explain what bludger you’ve been blabbering about? And why has L/N stolen my jumper? Can someone tell me what’s going on!” Draco quickly grew frustrated by the women’s secretive conversations, demanding answers at once.

“Draco,” She began, “you’re a sixth year--and Y/N--she’s your girlfriend.”

-----

“What do you mean he doesn’t remember me?” You cried out in exasperation.

“He knows who you are,” Pansy explained, “he just has no memory of your relationship. It’s like he’s still a fifteen year old.”

Never had you imagined Draco could forget you so suddenly, so entirely. It was like one of your worst nightmares had sprung to life. “I need to talk to him.” You responded, getting off your bed.

He had been released from the hospital a few hours prior, now on strict bedrest. You knew he’d be in his room, and luckily, you had a key.

Unlocking his bedroom door, you knocked on the oak wood as it slowly creaked open, signalling that someone was there. “Draco?”

He was laying on top of his comforter, nose buried in his journal. Clearly he was trying to piece together the last two years of his life, your life together. You had hoped that something in there could possibly trigger his memory, a hope that would only set you up for disappointment.

“You can come in,” He spoke gruffly, his eyes still trained on the ivory pages littered with his handwriting.

You sat at the edge of his bed, the distance between him and you feeling so foreign. “I write about you a lot.” He almost chuckles, scanning one last entry.

“You really don’t remember?”

He shook his head regretfully, “No, I don’t.” He apologized, “But I really wish I did, honest. From what it looks like, I was seriously in love with you.”

I was, his voice repeated in your head. Who would’ve thought that one sentence could pierce your heart so deeply. “If it helps--” Draco piped up.

“I still fancy you, even now--or back then--I don’t really know how to talk about it.” He rambled, somehow eliciting a small laugh from you.

“Well I’m just happy to hear you confirm it, I’ve always had my suspicions about our timeline.” You smiled softly, the air filled with a bittersweet tension.

“You know, I can come back.” Getting back on your feet, you went for the door, suddenly feeling like an intruder.

Draco held a hand out to stop you, softly closing the journal to his left. “No, don’t go.” He pleaded, “I have so many questions.”

You sighed, tentatively sitting back down a few feet away. He cleared his throat, and by the look on his face Draco was actively trying to pull back a memory, any sort of recollection of you he could muster.

“How did it, you know, happen? Us, I mean.” He asked after a moment.

Fighting a smile, you replied with “Well, you and I both know we had fought since the moment you stepped foot in the common room, it wasn’t just two years ago.”

“How could I forget?”

“At the end of our fifth year you got into a bit of a tussle with Cormac again, something about how you were the only one allowed to bully me.” You laughed, “After that, I had my own personal bodyguard--on the rare occasions you were being decent.”

“People were messing with you? Why?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

“There were a lot of rumors going ‘round back then, most of them about my romantic affairs.” Rolling your eyes, you added “All about you, of course.”

Draco’s fallen smile was back and brighter than before, “Nice to know I’ve always been a nuance.”

“It wasn’t always that way.” You clarified, “We had some really good times, and no one--not even Pansy or Blaise--expected you to be such a romantic.”

He sighed, “I just wish I could remember it. It’s all there, I know it is, but no matter how hard I try the memories stay locked up somewhere.”

You moved closer, placing a hand over his, “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure they’ll come back sooner than later. Besides, I won your heart once, I have full confidence that I can do it again.”

“Did the part where I mentioned my current massive crush on you just fly right over your head?”

“How could I forget?” You mimicked, “I’m just glad you’re okay, Draco, your fall had us all freaked out.”

“Is it weird?” He asked out of the blue, “Talking to me?”

You thought about his question for a moment, as there aren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe exactly how it all felt. “It is weird, I suppose. Honestly, if anything I’m scared, scared that your feelings for me won’t be the same after the accident. I have all these memories of the last year with you and the only thing left of them is that journal of yours.”

“Believe me, I’ve read it.” He assured you, “The moment Madam Pomfrey released me I was practically glued to it.” Draco finally pulled you into a hug, the long awaited embrace feeling like a weight being lifted off your chest.

“It's awful to say, but I feel so lucky right now.” He mumbled into your hair, “I’m experiencing you all over again.”

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calpops · 3 years

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the first morning | c.h.

The first morning Calum wakes in his new home with a person who inspires songs about the sun. The first morning of many tiny home adventures to come.

1k words

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☼ ☼ ☼

Calum wakes to beams of sunlight pouring in through the windows. Duke is curled into his side and the morning is quiet; only the chirping of birds and the lapping of water against the rocky shore to be heard. A small smile works its way onto Calum’s face as he takes in his surroundings. He finds comfort in his new home, the space is small but it’s cozy and has everything he needs. From natural light, to storage for his bass and journals. A bed big enough for two—and a Duke—with views that inspire poetry and lyrics. Art coming to life in front of his very eyes.

All he’s missing is her. Her side of the bed is cold, sheets rumpled and comfort long abandoned. He smirks, lifts himself from the warmth of the blankets and ruffles Duke’s ears in a good morning greeting. He knows where to find her. He drags himself from the bed and pads his way over to the ladder, the loft shining with sunlight from the high windows. She sits with crossed legs, his button up hanging off her frame, a concentrated look capturing her face. She bites her lip and narrows her eyes as her gaze stays steady on a canvas. Calum quietly climbs the ladder and gives her a smile when she turns to him.

“G’morning, sunshine. How did I know you’d be up here?” Calum asks with a laugh as he settles to sit behind her, arms winding around her and lips kissing her exposed shoulder.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she explains and tilts back so her head rests against his chest. “Sunrise was too pretty to ignore.”

Calum nods his understanding. The paintbrush in her hand creating an image he missed. Orange dances across the canvas and clashes with darkened waters not yet touched by the gleam of light.

“You should have woken me,” he says and nudges against her, taking in sweet scents of sugar and cinnamon. Paint coats her skin, art climbing her arms in patches of colors to her elbows.

“You were too pretty to disturb,” she defends and smirks. Her hands reach up and her fingers gently rake through Calum’s curls, the gesture familiar after years of practice. “There’s always sunset,” she reminds.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Calum promises, already envisioning a trip down to the lake with her hand in his and Duke trotting along after them. She turns back to the canvas and he rests his chin on the crook of her shoulder. “I’ve got songs to write about you and the sun.”

She lets out a breathy laugh and puts down another swipe of color. This time purple graces the orange and deepens the atmosphere of the piece.

“Yeah? And when the sun goes down?” she questions with a timid smile. “What will you write about then?”

Calum doesn’t hesitate to answer. “The stars… and you.”

He smirks as she giggles and shakes her head, tendrils of soft hair falling in her face with the motion.

“And will you keep this song?” she wonders and Calum shrugs. “The world deserves to hear your words from your voice.”

Calum bites his lip. His songwriting credits keep him in the shadows, keep his voice to a whisper and his audience to her and Duke. “My world is right here.”

She softens but Calum can see the determination still set in her eyes. She sighs and puts her paintbrush in a glass of water so she can fully turn to be in his embrace. She kisses his lips in a whisper of affection. He revels in her taste and wishes she would linger a little longer. But she sighs and pulls away again.

“Your world wants to see the mountains next,” she says with a pointed gaze out the window.

Calum drums his fingers on her bare thighs and gives her a tilted smile. Her voice is soft and filled with wanderlust as she explains her desire. Eyelashes flutter against her cheekbones and she inches closer to Calum, the captivating scent of cinnamon nearing him with ease. Calum’s smile broadens as a realization strikes him. They can go anywhere in the world together and still be right at home; with or without the bus sheltering them.

“Perfect, we can leave tomorrow morning. Head west. You can paint, I can write…”

Calum loses his words, any thoughts of planning abandoned as she setttles in closer to him, wraps her arms around his neck and gives him what he was longing for. Another kiss. Another taste of sweetness that puts a yearning for adventure but a fulfilled feeling in his heart.

A small whine sounds from down the ladder and bliss breaks apart in an attempt to find the source. Neither truly has to question it. They both know Duke has finally made his way from bed and is requesting their presence.

“And Duke can explore,” she finishes Calum’s thought and breaks away to descend the ladder to comfort the old dog. Her feet hit the ground in a delicate way and Calum follows shortly after, her arms holding Duke and his quickly finding their way to holding her.

“Little man’s gotta learn how to climb the ladder,” Calum jokes.

She shakes her head in slight laughter. “We’ll just get him a little basket and pull him up whenever he wants,” she proposes and instills an image in Calum’s mind. “Then everything will be perfect.”

“Our perfect little world, in our perfect tiny home, with our perfect little dog,” Calum teases her though he’s apt to believe his own words.

His girl and her art, his dog and his basket, his music and his bass are all he needs in his new tiny home. In his life and in his world.

☼ ☼ ☼

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9tzuyu · 3 years

Text

dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #avengers x reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

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