#i'm learning through therapy to stop caring so much about what others think and to care more about what improves my life

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 11 thoughts (pre-interludes):

Taylor's dad sees his daughter for the first time since she ran away. Since the fucking Endbringer attack! And literally says the line "“I need to go handle this" about a fucking work thing. No Danny. You do not NEED TO HANDLE THIS. God damn. It is fucking hard to be a co-parent for Taylor when I'm the only one doing any parenting!

Speaking of parenting - Taylor, you really should get some therapy. That was a pretty detailed level of fucked up nightmare you had. I love you and just want you to take care of yourself.

Skitter just like "all right, for day 1 I'm going to gain complete fucking control over my territory and establish myself as an unkillable bug goddess". And then she worries if she is doing enough!

Seriously though, letting that guy stab her and counting on her costume to block the knife? Fucking baller move. Also stupidly risky. So pretty much on point for my wonderful but stress inducing bug daughter.

And then she just sits in her chair drinking tea while she destroys two groups of Merchants? Doesn't just beat them, but absolutely terrorizes them. Lights one of them on fire with their own matches! WITH BUGS! I love her so much.

She also gained two minions as a side bonus to controlling her territory. And ensured their loyalty and dedication to her.

For real. Sierra would take a bullet. She'd die for Taylor. But Charlotte? Charlotte would kill for Taylor.

The speech Taylor gave Charlotte when giving her the options "leave town" or "work for me" was so well done! Came across as incredibly fair so Charlotte couldn't complain, but also just tied her in a little bundle all nice and neat. Set her up to want to work for you. Very nicely done. Taylor clearly has been learning from Lisa.

We're just pretty much giving up on that whole secret identity thing huh? It just started cascading out of control quite quickly. I don't expect Taylor and Skitter to be different people for much longer.

Lisa and Taylor went to a party together! A shitty villain party that was dangerous and almost killed them. But villain prom is villain prom. GAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Just a number of good Chatterbug (Smugbug) moments here.

Lisa has a MURDER WALL! AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I love her so fucking much and I will just sit in there with her working on the murder wall for hours. (She isn't trying to solve a murder so I know it isn't technically a murder wall, but it's a murder wall cause that's the best name.)

Fucking Bryce. Sure went through a lot of trouble for that asshole.

Skidmark just doing a thunderdome up in here. Some people use their powers for cool things and others build a fence.

Also really not seeming to do great for loyalty. Like ya you get a cape or two out of it but it left everyone in your gang not trusting anyone else.

I love everyone in Faultline's crew. Newter was my favorite but Shamrock may have beaten him out. I always loved Domino and Shamrock gives the same vibe.

Newter got a few good Nightcrawler like moments here too which was fun (grabbing things with his tail, talking to people from weird perches).

God DAMN Labyrinth is powerful. Like I knew she was but getting to see it. Holy shit. That was so fucking cool. Literal goddess of reality right here.

I'm really excited to learn more about Cauldron and the superhero in a can stuff. Very Weapon X with the memory wiping and such. (I'm just really on an X-men comparison thought process right now I guess)

Taylor "I'm not a skilled combatant" Hebert over here as she dual wields knives and successfully fights off multiple people, most bigger than her, while specifically using non-lethal attacks on them. Taylor that isn't what "not skilled" means!

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHILD, STOP GETTING HIT IN THE HEAD! I WORRY!

Seeing the trigger event thing was really cool. I don't think the fact that any cape near a trigger event appears to almost pass out has been mentioned before. Obviously in universe know one would know anything beyond them appearing to stumble, but still. And we got to see more of the higher dimension beings. We in Flatland now.

Oh god there is so much more I think I'm missing huge amounts. AHHH!!!

Oh, this is important. While describing Mush Taylor says "He bore a resemblance to a particular pink skinned, scrawny goblin of a creature from those fantasy movies." That open endedness of that context made me decide she must be talking about The Goblin King in Labyrinth. David Bowie. But to keep things simple, since it might seem like she is talking about Gollum, I decided that on Earth Bet David Bowie played Gollum in the Lord of the Rings movies. This is canon as far as I am concerned.

That does also mean Mush looks at least a little bit like David Bowie.

#Worm #Worm Web Serial #Parahumans #Cairavende reads Worm #Chatterbug #Smugbug #Taylor Hebert #MURDERWALL!!! #Lisa Wilbourn #My daughter is so terrifying and she absolutely does not realize how much #The feelings Taylor had when she realized how terrifyingly powerful Labyrinth was is the same feeling everyone else has around Taylor #She literally is one step away from turning any moment into a horror movie. I love her so much.

[tremendouscreationperson]

So are there any fics where people just assume Arthur is batshit crazy?

Bradley who isn't called Arthur in this timeline was always a promising young lad, his parents helped him with his somewhat odd hobbies of archery and fencing and even just playing strategist games with him

He is fascinated by the Greek and Roman Gods, Ancient Egypt and Camelot

His dad takes him to book stores and he becomes somewhat of a history buff

One day (idk say he's like 22-25) he gets these odd dreams and at first it's just the odd comment "no Gwen was black not white" he has no proof, no evidence, but he knows his dreams aren't wrong

They become more vivid and eventually lead to a breakdown because he is confused about his place in this modern world

He doesn't know why but he drives to Wales, he has to, something is calling him there

Merlin had decided this time around he was going to be a doctor, he had studied when he lived in Ireland (even picking up the accent again) but had stayed too long there and people weren't believing he was 40

Moving to South Wales wasn't the worst idea because he got to visit his lake

The lake

It wasn't his

It hasn't been his for longer than he dare think

Merlin had settled his way into a medicinal career, having been a hacker of sorts to not exactly falsify information

He WAS trained, just under a different name

Merlin hated being back in Wales

He missed everyone

Even Uther

Even Morgana, even after the turn

He just felt so hopeless

Lonely

Just plodding through the new world, learning new skills to distract himself from that

He was perhaps overqualified for the entry level job but who would believe a 20 year old had 30+ years of experience?

The younger he pretended, the longer he could stay in one area

He had made a few friends but always stuck to himself, what was the point in friends these days?

Fingerprints on an abandoned rail

He trudged into work receiving a few "hello Colin"s

He was a carer

Essentially a glorified Merlin

But he'd take it for a few years before he could start mental and physical therapies

Was this a stupid idea

No

He had just plonked his bag into his locker and placed his lunch in the fridge before he was officially late on the ward

"Col' there's a new patient coming in today." Becky told him between scribbling notes "a fighter, from what I've been told, be careful"

"okay, any other information?"

"no, just a breakdown, probably a few months in here with some meds and he'll be gone." She looked up. "He's not actively hurting himself, but he wanders, he was found just walking into some lake. Obsessive behaviour with history too."

Merlin nodded, it wasn't unusual

He'd seen worse

The patient in question did arrive when Merlin was dealing with Mrs Davies, she had had an episode and needed sedation

He didn't like manhandling a 70 year old but she could punch when needed

He just exited her room when he heard a familiar voice

Becky was informing the new patient of the rules and that number 12 was his room

Merlin thought it only right to say hi whilst he's standing right there

She introduced him to the man, who actually had his back to them and was staring out the window

"Bradley, this is Colin."

"Hello, I'm one of the nurses in charge of your health, be careful of your neighbour in number 13. She's a handful." Queue the awkward chuckle

Merlin had spoke as his brain processed what his eyes were seeing

The man was so familiar

The shoulders

The hair

Even the posture

Curse him for standing Infront of the window because when he turned he was haloed by the golden sun

Merlin's heart stopped

"Merlin?"

The recognition in Arthur's eyes broke Merlin's heart

He was quick to stop himself from running up to the King as Becky was examining the patient's reactions

"hello." Merlin nodded to Arthur "Becky I'm just gonna ask some questions," before mouthing "he thinks I'm part of it"

She gave a look but there was always so much to do so if Colin was offering to finish Bradley's orientation so be it

Once she had left and the door was closed Merlin smiled so widely at Arthur

"you took your time, clotpole"

Tears pooled in Arthur's eyes, "I knew I wasn't crazy. Merlin where have you been?"

Merlin sat on the neatly made bed, Arthur following suit, and explained the past thousand years

He ended it with "had to wait for my King."

Arthur placed a hand in Merlin's knee, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I acted back then, I'm sorry that you had to hide yourself, why are you here? You're a warlock?!"

Merlin did chuckle at that. "Doesn't exactly pay the bills. I mean it helps but there's also boredom."

Arthur smiled back, the visible ease he had with Merlin vs Becky was comforting

"I'll help you survive this place, you'll be out soon."

"thank you, I don't know why but I kept having these memories, I drove from London to Wales, went to the lake and then I was being pulled out by strangers. I don't remember getting into the water."

"has anything happened like that before or since?"

"no."

"then that's fine."

"why am I back? Why did you stay?"

"Our lives were never our own. Destiny was woven through us. I don't know what we do but we are needed." Merlin hoped Arthur didn't read that as the cop out it was

"you'll stay with me? Even after this place?"

"of course."

"good."

#merthur #merlin tv #merlin #arthur pendragon #arthur x merlin #prince arthur #gwenivere #morgana #uther pendragon #sir uther #lady morgana #modern au #merlin bbc #fic #king arthur

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC: 11/11 Self-Care Messages 🍊🌚🦂

Hey y'all. I'm here to take a brief break from NaNoWriMo (I've been making big progress, I swear!). I've heard from some astrologers that this new moon is going to be rather strong, similar to the energy of the full moon.

After some scouring through the web to find horoscopes that weren't all doom and gloom, I figured now would be a good time to draw some cards for a few wellness messages. This was done to check current mood and energy and suggest healing or wellness methods mainly for stress relief.

I emphasize that if you have a real medical issue, best to take it to a doctor, even if you're thinking it's possibly a psychic thing.

Please choose your pile based on palette color below:

Pile 1 - Tropics Pile 2 - Pinkadelic Pile 3 - Mysterious Night Pile 4 - Solar Energy

Take care~☼

Pile 1: Tropics

The World, Peace, Surrender, Salt Bath, Receive, King of Cups, Knight of Swords, Seven of Coins

So you've done it, or it's been done. You've checked the items off your list. You've asked others if there was more to do only to be met with shaking heads saying "no, but thanks." So what to do now? It's easy to get used to this position of needing to be the big helper all the time. A king of cups taking on the world wants to solve every problem and won't rest until everyone is satisfied. But what would all of that take? Is it worth draining your cup, especially when others are learning to rely on it so much?

Your cards are suggesting a much needed rest time. If it's not a salt bath, then try just resting in bed, a brief sunbath, or a massage therapy session. It's not just resting your body, but your mind. You got two color cards which fell out. Surrender the mind for peace within the body. They're linked in this case. Knight of Swords says whatever happens to one will quickly affect the other. Recovery may take some time so please give yourself space to breathe.

This could be a specific message for some out there. I felt a brief pang in my chest that went away as soon as your reading was finished. I don't usually interpret this Salt Bath card in such a literal way, but… please watch your salt intake, more or less, make sure you're getting iodized salt. Some of you may be worried about doctor's visits? Just make sure you're drinking enough water in between salty meals. Keep your stress levels down, above all.

Take care of your heart health and try not to run yourself ragged with too many assignments and crisis alerts going off (what the heck there's a random phone alarm going off in my house now JUST as I'm typing this! And then it stopped as soon as I got up! Crazy). The message is to not respond to every single call and alarm that goes off okay! You definitely need time to rest, and boundaries for said rest. I mean deeply rest and clear your mind, let yourself suspend from the schedule with some suds. You can't get away to paradise forever, but you can create for yourself a moment in time.

Pile 2: Pinkadelic

Five of Coins, Trust, Bodega Cat, Acceptance, VI The Lovers, XVII Star, Ace of Cups

Tick tock, you've been waiting a while for this to come around in your life. I feel this is strongly a love related reading but let's see. If it's not a romantic partner you're attracting, it's a fresh start at life or spiritual awakening, the feeling of falling in love again with life. You've likely been waiting for a while, stuck in a limbo state, learning how to remain comfortable or at least steady in the unknown. Yet you're eager for that "more" or "other" kind of experience. The type of manifestation that makes life feel magical and new.

You need a quick pep talk. I might get a little cheesy with the message, but here goes: For anyone who has yet to meet you, you are that magic spark in their life. You're radiating the energy of wish making and affection and that has an effect on others around you. You're already on the way to attracting the one who will properly recognize that for you. I'm picking up on a lot of artists in this pile. Your magic seeps through to your art, your aura or energy rubs off onto what you make, and somebody special will see the talent in your work. You have way more talent in the arts than you think.

With that said, the Bodega Cat is a lucky cat here to remind you of your independence. You ultimately don't need anyone to come along and remind you of how amazing your work is. Once you see it for yourself, they will come. Once you see it as done, they will show. Perhaps more than it may seem right now. Just like the cat can be itself and people will show up to pet it and take pictures, whatever you bring forth will carry that same unique charm naturally.

You may be in the mood to go on a shopping spree. Treat yourself to something small and nice, like candy or a new t-shirt, it doesn't have to be extravagant. I recommend affirmations specifically on self-love for you, pile 2. Take a mirror marker and write nice things on your mirror. Pet a lucky cat when one stops by, as well! Sweeten your water with some fresh fruit for a sensual touch. Trust and believe. All of this beautiful magical energy is bursting outwards from you! Accept the wish that's there out in front of you.

Pile 3: Mysterious Night

Three of Swords, Growth, Dandelion, Perspective, XII Hanged Man, King of Swords, X Wheel of Fortune

I can tell that whatever has happened in the last few months, you've taken on a hurdle of challenges to get to where you are now. You've had to learn some harsh lessons, some of which may have felt like they were coming out of nowhere. The word 'Disappointment' was clear and capitalized. It seemed like you took many chances or opportunities on, only to be spun around and left in the dark to figure things out on your own. This last cycle was a particular struggle to build resilience while maintaining the motivation to keep moving toward your goals.

But look, you got both the Growth and Dandelion card in your reading! This is truly signifying how much you've really fought back and continued to nurture yourself in spite of the circumstances thrown in your face over and over. There's a spirit of not giving up even when you let yourself have the chance to process the feeling otherwise. Determination isn't about pretending to be happy in spite of comebacks. Disappointments happen; it's a chance to cry it out before smiling again, it's an umbrella and rain coat to let the day rain from time to time instead of expecting the skies to always stay clear.

You've weathered so much and gained an abundance of wisdom this past season, it's like at this point you're gearing up to be ready for whatever comes next. I don't know if you are necessarily expecting good things to come your way, however. Those might be the very things to sweep you off your feet. Or you may still be too on guard to notice the good luck. It's like the dandelion has gotten acclimated to the cracks, but is it ready for the wheel to turn and for the water to flow in between?

I feel like this whole reading is about being ready for a level up. If you need 999 XP to do so, then right now you're at 900. You're getting to the finish line. But instead of getting too worked up about the end result, however, you've mastered the art of hanging back and waiting for when the time is right. Your new perspective allows you to lay back and take a breather between these strong growth spurts. Remember to stay grounded to your toughened roots, pile 3. Try out grounding exercises and meditations. Spend time out in nature when considering the next moves you're going to make in life. No need to rush this kind of growth.

Pile 4: Solar Energy

Two of Swords, Fear, What You Seek is Seeking You, Change, XV The Devil, Ten of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, Six of Pentacles

I always forget how terrifying the devil card is in this deck lol! In fact I'm seeing and sensing a LOT of fear and anxiety in this pile which is why I went and added an extra tarot card. Six is pentacles on top of the deck is good as it shows help is on the way soon. Remember to stay centered and calm at this time, your chance to heal is coming for you, but you may need to yield some of the resistance behind allowing the change necessary to make way for that healing to occur.

It seems as though your pile conjures images of wanting to see daylight at the end of the tunnel. You feel that change is coming very soon and you're not sure if you're able to handle the next cycle after the one that you've been through. Quite the wringer you've been in for some time… I think a lot of y'all have done some shadow work recently, and it has not been the easiest. It's not always about meditating and journaling. Sometimes it's about seeing how simple, basic fears that are universal to humankind can get distorted and become something much more twisted. When you work past the scary parts, you can see the fear for what it really is. 10 of Swords is Sun in Gemini, learning that sometimes overthinking isn't going to solve the problem, especially when the worst is already past you.

A lot of good things seem to be underway for you even if they're not present at the moment. You've done a fair share of rummaging in the attic and going through all the old, little things. You're going through an extensive clearing out phase. Give yourself the opportunity to put the swords of caution down and accept a gentle wave of positive changes to restructure your life piece by piece.

I'm also getting that this pile may be particularly affected by seasonal affective disorder. Make sure to go out and get some sunlight outside, through windows, or UV lamps. I don't know for sure how Vitamin D supplements would help and you'll want to be careful with St John's Wort if you're on medication, but John's Wort is a good supplement I use for my tea to combat the winter blues. If you sense that your mental state may be getting triggered by lack of sunlight, please look into it.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

#tarotblr #tarot #tarot community #general reading #pac #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #psychic readings #pick an image #pick a photo #pick a palette #11:11 #11/11 #11/11 reading #new moon scorpio #astrology #astro tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #tarot deck #divination #cartomancy #tarotcommunity #intuitive reading #intuitive #self care #spirituality #manifesation #psychic

[ikamigami]

I miss Old Moon. At this point, Old Moon was nicer to everyone than New Moon is. He sympathized with villains, he actually CHECKED IN on his family- kept them in the loop about things- Told his brother that he loved him more than once every six months!!!

I WANT to like New Moon, but they're making it harder and harder to continue doing so.

And I think with Earth's therapy sessions going on, Old Moon could work through his anger issues & other trauma.

No one was given time to grieve. No one gets to talk about him because it makes New Moon uncomfortable- hhhhh How am I supposed to finish this "Sun-gets-hurt-BAD" fic if I can't bring myself to LIKE THIS GUY anymore?!

Old Moon wasn't bad person. That's for sure. But he was very abusive towards Sun. He loved Sun but he was showing it rarely. And believe me when I say that but I'm sure that Old Moon would totally blame Sun for what happened last year. Because OM already was acting as if the trauma he had to endure was Sun's fault. I don't miss Old Moon that much because he was unable to change towards Sun. And in my eyes it's important because Sun was the closest person to OM for goodness sake! And yet he treated villains with more understanding and compassion than his own brother. Nothing can excuse the abuse he inflicted on Sun. Showrunners were showing us times and times again that OM was unable to change towards Sun to the point that I didn't want to watch the episodes with him...

New Moon is like total opposite to Old Moon. I mean his actions are a total opposite cause he really is showing Sun that he cares about him more than Old Moon but when it comes to villains he treats them awfully. There's zero understanding and compassion towards them. Yes, New Moon doesn't realise that his actions affect Sun badly but because his paranoia is blinding him. I'm happy that New Moon doesn't blame Sun for anything that happened. Also New Moon is willing to change but he's too much focused on being not like Old Moon plus his paranoia is getting in the way.

Old Moon and New Moon has so much in common and yet they're so so different. New Moon has his flaws but I think that his willingness to change will help him change. Both of them realise the issues they have but Old Moon didn't want to do anything about that. He was unwilling to change. New Moon on the other hand is trying to be better. He's taking some actions towards that. The problem is that the actions he's taking are not the best.

And Solar the only one person who spends the most time with New Moon besides Sun is unable to stop Moon in his tracks because he is similar in the regard of paranoia and how he treats villains. Both Solar and Moon don't care about villains. Solar is just more calm. Which I believe that Old Moon would have similar approach.

Idk if Earth would be able to help Old Moon. He should had to be willing to take action towards bettering himself. And OM had really hard time with that.

I'm certainly mad at New Moon for being too pissed off at Sun for lying to him that he didn't care even to listen to Sun. But at least New Moon can apologize to others! Unlike Old Moon. He apologize to Sun once and it still was not that good. But I'm totally mad that he didn't apologize to Sun in his last message! Vsjabsksks

Both Old Moon and New Moon are pretty much egotistic individuals and that's why Old Moon was focused too much on his own pain and trauma to the point that he didn't care about Sun's well-being. Sun's psychotic episode wouldn't be that bad if Old Moon was taking care of Sun better. New Moon on the other hand can't extend his compassion towards villains. His compassion ends on his family. I think that it's understandable. He needs more time to learn how to be more sympathetic towards villains. But we need to understand that New Moon doesn't have any reasons to learn that. In his eyes it's pointless. They're villains who hurt his family so he doesn't have any sympathy for them.

But I think that if New Moon was shown why it's better to treat others even if they're villains more nicely, he would do that. I'm almost 100% sure that he'll learn things the hard way by losing Sun because of his bad decisions.

Anyway New Moon has flaws but I'd take him over Old Moon any day.

People can still like and prefer Old Moon and dislike New Moon. I also had a time when I was angry at New Moon with the way he was towards Sun. But when I understand him more now I can't help but to feel sympathy towards him. Unlike with Old Moon whom I tried to give benefit of doubt at first but later I found myself unable to sympathise with him. I don't hate OM though. But I'm honestly glad that the reset happened. Even if I really wanted for Old Moon to change towards Sun I doubt that he would be able. And Sun is affected by Old Moon's abuse to this day. And it still affects Sun the most. More than any other experience in his life.

Another important thing is that both Old Moon and New Moon has questionable morals but I think that people are seeing that more in New Moon because he hates their blorbo villains. On the other hand I still see that some people don't see how much Old Moon was abusive towards Sun which irks me tbh...

It seems that we have to agree to disagree. But that's okay with me ^^

In addition I say that New Moon's experience is pretty similar to New BM's and now New Eclipse's because all of them had their past be shown to them. They experienced their past in third person's p.o.v. It's very interesting and I think that it's intentional.

#ask #ask answered #mutual asks #sun and moon show #sams #sams moon #sun and moon show moon #sams sun #sun and moon show sun #sams solar #laes earth #tw abuse #tw paranoia

[shiorimakibawrites]

Idea: Sanctuary (Daredevil)

Last one, I promise. At least until the muses give me more ideas through I'm hoping they actually let me write finish something before piling more work on me.

Brainstorming notes where any feedback or suggestions are welcomed.

Warnings: Spoilers for The Defenders - Angst with eventual comfort - Medical inaccuracies - Beginning of Season 3 Matt.

Sanctuary

Matt Murdock / Daredevil x Reader

Possible Ch. Titles: John Doe – Where There Is Life – HIPPA Violation – Do No Harm – Confession

You are a doctor who works at small charity clinic.

One day, as you are heading home, you are stopped by Father Lantom.

Not sure how you know him – maybe you are Catholic and starting attending Mass after moving to NYC.

Father Lantom asks you for a favor. There is someone who needs a doctor but you can’t take him to a hospital or tell anyone about him.

This request gives you some misgivings but you trust the priest and figure that he wouldn’t be asking this of you if it wasn’t necessary or important. So you agree to his terms.

He takes you to where your patient is:

(1) Still in the St. Agnes as it was in canon but tucked away somewhere out of the way.

(2) In the basement since they seem to want to keep Matt’s presence a secret and keeping someone in a building full of kids isn’t how you keep them a secret.

John Doe is half-naked, unconscious, and badly hurt. He should be in a hospital but they are adamant about not taking him. You wonder who is this man is but Father Lantom and Sister Maggie claim not to really know, that they found him like that but you aren’t sure you believe them.

Maybe you have some kind of healing power – the power is relatively minor, you can boost someone’s natural healing ability – cannot instantly and completely heal someone’s wounds or illnesses but you can heal enough to turn a deadly injury into a survivable one. Lessen the recovery time – you heal in one week instead of two.

There is some cost to your healing power – (1) takes energy (2) have to know exactly what you are doing to avoid more harm than than good (3) you can feel your patient’s pain while healing them (4) some combination thereof.

Despite efforts to keep things secret, you learn some things about your patient. He had been injured before but got medical treatment of varying degrees of quality (no shade on Claire, sometimes Matt does his own stitches) – that he was blind – seems to have sensitive skin – stuff from nightmares and mumblings when he is feverish (apologizing to various people – Dad, Elektra, Foggy, Karen, Stick . . .).

You also notice the man is very handsome.

You try to figure out which of the two people missing from the Midland Circle your patient is – attorney Matt Murdock or the vigilante Daredevil. Daredevil fits with the muscular body, the scars, and the insistence that he not go to hospital. Matt Murdock fits with the blindness but you struggle to think of why Matt Murdock cannot go to a hospital.

John Doe (Matt) isn’t exactly cooperative with unraveling the mystery when he walks up but not uncooperative either – sometimes he doesn’t seem to care if you know who he is, other times he does – you think its part of his depression.

Because yes, Matt when he wakes up is the same cheerful person we saw in the beginning of Season 3 (obvious sarcasm is obvious).

Matt needs SO MUCH therapy – physical and psychological. Neither of which is your specialty but you doubted that you could bring either in on this . . . maybe you have friends who are a physical therapist and a psychiatrist or psychologist whose brains you can pick. They will probably eventually get curious about your questions.

Maybe they discover things and become part of the team. Again, nothing against Claire but she might need some help with patching up vigilantes – if for no other reason, she cannot be everywhere. Also as a doctor, you can write prescriptions for things like antibiotics (given how often he lands in dumpsters, it is amazing that Matt hasn’t gotten an infection yet).

At some point, you move Matt from the church to your place.

Romance is slow burn.

#fan fic ideas #upcoming fic #daredevil #mcu daredevil #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #hurt/comfort #matt murdock angst

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #tw: sh #tw: ed

[moonlit-positivity]

Things I wish I knew before healing, part 2

• nobody is coming to save you. Except that's not entirely true either. Not in the way youd think. If you're looking for someone to hold you, coddle you, change your dirty diapers, and do the work for you? Nah these mfs can't baby sit a grown ass adult. But that is a very valid feeling. I can't tell you how much I bitched and moaned in the beginning. I literally told my therapist one time, "I want someone to change my fuckin diapers!" Lol 😭 the hard thing about being abused as a child is that there is never anyone there to care for you on that deeper level. And the hardest part about growing up this way, is that there never will be. Not in the way of this fantasy of wanting someone to be fully enmeshed with your brain enough to know what it is you want and need without you ever needing to open your mouth and say it out loud. No. That's not how people are gonna save you. But they will save you in an entirely different way. They will let you know when youre making a mistake. My therapist has helped me in ways I would have never even fuckin imagined humanity would be able to help someone. And she's not the only one. I'm lucky and blessed and privileged to have had a few good case managers and help from people who work for the city I live in. These people have helped me in ways that others couldn't. They gave me a backbone to stand up and get the work done for myself. They helped me understand this during the hardest fucking rude awakening I have ever had about life in general. And that is, that no one on this earth is entitled to taking care of you. Nah. In my case tho they still wouldn't even if I wanted em to, bc I already kinda knew that from growing up with my mother. I would have never been able to outright ask someone to love me. Not with the awareness of what my mother put me through and the constant fear of becoming just like she was to me. But there comes a time when you gotta stop bitching and whining about how unfair it is and learn how to get up and move anyway. And tbh, I'm still not entirely there yet. It's not an easy thing to learn. But I know a helluva lot more now than I have ever known in my entire life, and that means a whole fuckin lot to me right now. I literally started out from under ground zero, like -65 if you wanna be specific. I had to crawl through the gutters just to get where the fuck I am today. I fuckin carved that shit out all by myself. I fuckin did that. And I'm proud as fuck of where I stand today.

• there is going to be times when you literally cannot talk about it anymore. I can't tell you this without explaining that I am the type of person who would want to immediately snap my fingers and expect the immediate response, to have that quick fix solution. Nah. Patience is an acquired skill. Not to toot my own horn here, but God fuck if I had ever known that before starting therapy I swear to God I don't think I woulda made it through. I have such an aversion to pain and suffering bc of what I went through as a kid, but the pain of healing is unlike anything you will ever experience. Because unlike being abused, healing feels good. Healing feels like someone is purifying your soul in a pure light. And your soul is filled with anger and bitterness and pain. So trusting that light is fucking nuts to say the least. There are times when someone telling you it's not your fault will absolutely break you down into a million fuckin pieces. Not because it hurts, though yeah it does hurt a lot because that's not something anyone has ever told you before and there's the pain around why these mfs have never fuckin told you that. But it also hurts because it feels good to be finally listened to, heard, seen, and validated by another fucking human being on the face of the earth. And you won't want to believe it at first either. But eventually they'll keep saying it to you. Over and over. And eventually there will come a point when you finally lose your shit behind it and deal with the brainwashing coming undone to understand exactly what it is you've had to go through. And then there comes a time when you just can't talk about it the same way anymore. It changes you. It makes you see things about yourself and about the people around you and about this world in general that you've never even thought about before. And that's a whole lotta fuckton to sit with in itself.

• things gonna get better. And it's gonna scare the absolute piss and shit out of you when it does. The silence of peace and serenity is first filled with panic and survival on a whole different level than anyone will ever tell you about. The peace and silence of serenity feels like madness. It feels like youve been living underground your whole life and now you're above ground and everything is new and fuckin terrifying and you don't actually wanna live here, you wanna crawl back underground because it's more familiar and "safer" to you that living above ground is. And this is actually a normal feeling a lot of us go through I've noticed. Talking with other survivors can definitely help give you a sense of normalcy to what you're going through. But my god that urge to go back to the abuse and pain and suffering is so fuckin real. It's all you ever know. Trusting peace to not be a fuckin trap? That takes a lot of pain in itself.

• which brings me to this point. Every single thing about this process is a fucking pain in the ass. You've been beat, abused, gaslit into believing you are the devil incarnate by your parents. Your first ever caregivers, your first ever human experiences, have you believing you are the dog shit underneath their feet. They spend your entire childhood abusing you. Then you finally leave them behind and now you gotta find out they fuckin abused you???? My God. There is nothing about this shit that is gonna give you happy happy fun time play time vibes at all. That's fucked up beyond belief.

• youre gonna be pissed the fuck off all the time. My God if you're reading this and can relate, LOOK INTO SOMATIC HEALING. Give your body an outlet. And it doesn't have to be like exercise or yoga or any of that bullshit. Just shake your shoulders. Shake your arms. Shake your body. Let it move those big fuckin emotions and get it out. Somatics is all you ever fuckin need to get through this shit. Just find ways that it works for you. But yes. The anger and rage and betrayal is REAL. Don't fuckin beat yourself up for this shit. It's valid and it makes sense you'd be angry. LOOK AT WHAT THEY FUCKIN DID TO YOU.

• you're not faking your trauma, your symptoms, or your illnesses. There are real legitimate things happening in your brain and your body that affect the way you function day to day. The fact that there will be people in your life who will never fuckin understand that is a fucking war crime against yourself. Do yourself a favor and remove these people fuckin immediately. Anyone who dares question your life & illnesses & your right to fuckin exist???? Is a fuckin threat and you need to get them out NOW. You are not faking. You never fuckin were. Don't let anyone fill your head with doubt. Family, friends, therapists, doctors. NOBODY. find a second opinion. Find the doctor who's gonna listen and take you seriously when you ask about it and help get you the proper testing to find out. Do NOT settle for the doctors who tell you you're lying. Do NOT settle for the family that says youre lazy and selfish and entitled. Fuck those assholes. You know yourself better than they do. The fact that they even accuse you of lying to begin with is such a mindfuck in itself.

• there are gonna be times when the pain and regret of not knowing what the fuck you've already said and done is gonna suck the living energy from you. It's because well whaddya know. You've grown up a little bit. You might feel like it's a great thing to have the awareness and understanding now, and tbh yes it is! Don't detract from that point! But the people who have already been hurt from you aren't really gonna give a rats fuckin ass one way or another. And that's gonna hurt on so many levels, because yeah that's fair and valid. But holy fuck if i had known that before hand I swear to God things would have been so fuckin different. The thing about it is, people are listening to you, even when you don't think they are. I might go further into this sometime bc there are so many reasons as to why we don't think we matter as much to the people around us as they do actually care and listen. The words and actions you take (or don't take) will have a direct effect on those around you.

• life is not a fuckin game. God I wish someone had told me that a lot fuckin sooner. Take yourself seriously. Take your life seriously. This isn't the pregame show, this is the actual fuckin super bowl. Life is gonna hand you the epitome of fuck around and find out, and its gonna hit you hard if you're not prepared for that.

I will probably add more later. Thanks for reading 😊

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #healing thoughts #trauma recovery #trauma awareness #child abuse #childhood trauma #bpd #actually traumatized #life advice #advice #life lessons #self awareness #self actualization

[peachesofteal]

Hi Peach,

You seem like such a dedicated and disciplined writer. I'd love to start writing my own works, but I struggle very much with planning my stories and staying focused enough to write them.

As a young child of five or six, I used to write fanfics (mostly warrior cats) that were literally hundreds of pages long and complete with in-page illustrations, and I'm not even exaggerating. I loved writing them and it was so easy to sit down and just let the words and story flow as I went along.

I didn't plan anything so there were PLENTY of mistakes and plot holes, but I didn't care. And I think the fact that I could write anything without caring if it was bad is what made it fun. I guess, it was enjoyable because I just didn't care.

But life happened and I stopped writing for a long time. I feel so disappointed now because I'm getting back into it and it feels so daunting. I struggle with having the drive and dedication to sit down and do it. I feel like David facing Goliath everytime I open a document.

Everything I write gets trashed, and I'm just so afraid that it'll turn out bad that I never actually write much of anything. When I outline, it always feels like something is off, so I'm stuck editing and changing and altering the plot for months on end, meaning I don't get any actual work done.

But without an outline, I'm afraid my work will be scrambled and unorganized and full of embarrassing gaps in the plot and logic of the story.

Everything is in a perpetual state of not being done and it makes writing feel like such a chore. I'd love to get back to writing the way I used to, but I just don't know how.

But I stumbled across Simple Math and then your blog and then your other fics, and I was really blown away by the quality of your stories and how it felt like you actually cared about them. The writing and plots were refreshing, I actually enjoyed and cared about the characters, and I could just tell that you put a lot of effort into making the fics. I really admired the way it seems you're able to create quality literature with such confidence and ease.

However, we're all human and I'm sure you've had plenty of moments in which you struggled to write, and I'd love to know how you've dealt with them. Do have any tips when it comes to learning how to write without getting distracted or bored or frustrated? Do you mind sharing how you come up with your stories and outlines? What is the method to your madness? Please, share your secrets 🤲🏽

Sorry for the long ask, by the way; once I start talking I just can't stop myself, it seems. Also sorry for turning this ask into a psuedo-therapy session, I just wanted to give some context on why I'm asking. However, you can ignore this if you want ❤️

Regardless, (and I say again) I really love your works and I hope you have a great day 💞

Hi! Here's the only thing I can really say to you: just write!

If outlining is twisting you up, skip it. If worry about your writing being good or quality is causing you to panic and stop, push through it. Start with a blank document and ten words. Then make those ten words one hundred words, and so on and so forth. Find the thing about writing that you love (because it sounds like you do!) and use that to keep yourself going. Don't get hung up on if it will be good or if there will be plot holes, just get it out of your head and into a document. (I hope this helps even though I'm not very good at advice) Good luck!

#peaches asks

[dazaicryptidera]

Tachihara Meta below the cut-- heh, cut. Get it?

So I think his eyes were healed up when he was turned and he'll be fine.

But oh my god, the angst of the blinding not going away is so interesting to me. As much as i think a blindness arc would be so interesting, would there be any reason for magic vampiric healing to not fix his eyes? Idk, maybe a loophole or something.

I think Fukuchi blinds him so callously, not even turning around, because he knows that it will be healed. I think Fukuchi actually cared for the hunting dogs. They were under his command and he was responsible for them. Even if Tachi did turn on him, it was because Fukuchi was being evil on purpose to push humanity to his goal.

Anyway, back to Tachihara. I want to find a way to facilitate this cuz I want him to talk to Jouno and learn how to cope with this loss. Maybe find a way to use his metal ability to sense metal in the environment and "see" through his ability.

And imagine if he decides to go to Yosano for help, cuz he can't stand never being able to see the world again. Never being able to see the people be cares about. And she helps of course. And they talk and he learns more about how his brother died and how Yosano tried to stop that madness but was forced into a corner by none other than Mori. I think Tachihara would feel differently about staying in the mafia if he knew that Mori was the true culprit.

Maybe his injury was healed and his body is healthy but his mind is shutting down his vision out of mental trauma. He has to go to therapy to process his fucked up life and regain his eyesight. What a journey.

Ah fuck I'm writing this, ill call it an AU if I need to, if canon doesn't follow this thread.

#tachihara michizou #bsd tachihara #bsd spoilers #bungo stray dogs spoilers #Tachihara spoilers #tachihara theory #suffering tachihara #bsd angst

[cripple-council]

I feel like I have internalized ableism and I don't know who else to talk about it. I know cripple punk is all about rejecting the narrative of what a "good" disabled person is and that's really what I'm struggling with right now.

I feel like I have to constantly prove to myself and able-bodied people that I'm always doing the right thing or following the right regiment. I'm doing my physical therapy, I'm avoiding caffeine for my POTS, I'm following an anti-inflammatory diet, yadda yadda. I think a part of me feels that maybe the ableds will "accept" me when they see all my effort or offer me a seat at the table or something.

A few weeks ago one of my coworkers, who also has POTS, drank two Monsters and then had a POTS episode. They may have been correlated. They may also have not. But I of course made assumptions and jumped to conclusions and I am so ashamed of the things that ran through my head when this happened to my coworker. I was SO smug and self-righteous. I thought to myself, "well what did they expect drinking that much caffeine? Of course their negligence would have consequences." I was just SO unsympathetic. Like what the fuck is wrong with me? Do I think mentally berating other disabled people will win me the approval of able-bodied people?q

Tldr; how do I stop my internalized ableism? It's harming the way I view myself and other disabled people. Also you don't owe me an answer if it is too mentally or physically taxing.

yeah it’s not fun to have those thoughts but ngl it’s not harming them as long as ur only thinking it, and not saying it to them. might be my low empathy speaking but yeah. i do however thing that u probably would benefit by working through those thoughts and “beliefs” for your own sake as well as others.

i don’t know if i have any advice because since i have low empathy i tend to not care much about other people but myself, so i kind of have a “mind my own business” mindset lol. i don’t really care what other ppl do, sure i judge ppl sometimes but i usually don’t say anything. but i guess it is important to learn how to accept that other people can do whatever they want, no matter how it’ll affect them. it takes time and practice, if you notice yourself having those thoughts towards another disabled person, try thinking “that is their life, they can do whatever they want to” or something.

when it comes to internalised ableism towards yourself i think the same applies, but since i kind of have a distorted sense of self importance due to my npd i don’t have much issue with it💀 practice acceptance, things are the way they are, you do what you can, and your are allowed to to what you want and need.

#ask

[artsygirl0315]

Can you please tell me more about the Burnham Family also love your art style!

(I'm glad to!)

This is Mella Burnham and her younger sister, Eleanor Burnham.

Mella was born in a large wealth family. When I say large, I mean, LARGE. Her father's side of the family grew wealthy and have large connections through the Philippines, their home country. Mella had lost her sister and mother due to an incident involving a crash and a drive by shooting. Eleanor was supposed to get her silhouette suit just like Mella yet unfortunately passed away beforehand.

Mella and Eleanor had a very sweet sister relationship in which Mella had been a role model to her youger sister, She learned everything she knew from her mother and wanted to pass down her knowledge to her sister. Their parents are usually busy at times when work comes along so Mella had not mind that she would be in charge of watching over her sister, in fact, she loved those times where they played together and laughed. She would sometimes tag Eleanor along when her and her friends wanted to play outside. She loved her sister dearly, Which was why she had given herself the name 'Melancholy' the day she watched her sister's life fade away in her arms.

This is her mother, --------- Burnham

Mrs. Burnham was a kind and gentle woman, Mella had inherited a lot of her genes. She would teach her daughters about how to cook or bake and teach them how to be independent. She taught them kindness and to be open to others. She was what everything child wished for as a mother, In addition, her side of the family is where Mella inherited her 'silhouette suit' due to Mrs. Burnham's great great grandmother getting the same powers/curse of the silhouette suit just like Grandfather and Father. This was passed down to every maternal generation through the years and Mella just happened to be one of them.

Mrs. Burnham had been driving her daughters from school that day, Until a drive by passed and shot at the car she drove. Mrs. Burnham was caught by surprise so she wasn't at all prepared to use her powers at that moment leaving her daughters injured and in harm. She passed away that day along with her youngest daughter, Mella survived but was badly injured and traumatized by the incident. And till this day, She mourns their passing yet does her best to cope alongside her father.

This is her father, ---------- Burnham.

Mr. Burnham was a wealthy businessman but this is far inferior to his role as a family man. How he loved his daughters with everything his heart could muster, He doted on them and would make time out of the day for them.

His family was sophisticated yet never really cared much about wealth so they dont much ctto like it unless it's business, They grew as a strong independent unit and would teach their young to fight and defend.

Mr. Burnham was hysterical the day of the incident came, He was there when his oldest daughter was in the hospital and kept her company without leaving her side. He went rouge and tried to hunt down the people that took his wife and child away, He managed to do so but he didn't harm them because of what he could think his daughter might say so his family took care of them whilst he stayed with his daughter throughout her recovery.

They both went through therapy and have been copying alongside each other ever since, He became protective of his daughter. Mr. Burnham feared of what may happen to her whenever he wasn't around but she would always assure him that she was capable of handling things on her own. He understood but still kept a good eye in case of what could happen, He still loved his daughter from the bottom of his heart and never stopped doing everything he can for her even if he was tired 24/7.

Edit: Mother is 32 , I made a typo at that part

(Thats all I have for now on the depth of the Burnham Family. All in all, They have a healthy relationship with each other, Only traumatized and scarred but still strong.)

#knd #kids next door #codename kids next door #knd oc #original character #oc #art #drawing #burnham family

[chronicbeans]

May I request a Dr. Randolph x reader where the reader takes Players place? Like they manage to go through the loophole and figure out what to do to progress further which intrigues him. So he tries catching them to prevent them from trying to stop the loophole from breaking and because he has interest in them.

I need me some more Randolph. I have so many more requests ideas too lmao but I'll hold them back for now.

The comic is also still in the making. It's like 10+ panels (close ups not 10 full pages) and I'm still hesitating on coloring them or not. (in case with trouble shading lmao) Also, don't expect them to be master art, I'm still learning and cus of the rush I'm feeling I'm making them a bit sloppily to prevent the hyperfixation from dying out.

YIPPEE!!! I love this idea. Also don't worry I think I suck at both coloring and shading so I get you fr-

Dr. Randolph with a GN Reader who is in place of the Player:

TW: Trypanophobia (Needles), Obsessive Behavior (he just gives off those vibes so-)

You had really found it all out on accident. It simply made sense that, if you were in a time loop of sorts, to change your approach to try to escape. Well, at least you THOUGHT it was a time loop, but that is besides the point. When the outcome was different, and you seemingly found more important information, you knew the answer was obvious.

Get caught to find the truth. Find the truth to progress. Progress to escape. Simple.

So, by the fourth time around, Dr. Randolph could quickly tell that you found out something the last time he caught you. The first time, you went right along with his trick of "helping you", all too innocently chatting and laughing from your anxious nerves as you tried to lighten the mood. You didn't even get the chance to run from the pure shock of his sudden attack. The second time, you opened the door, saw him, then ran immediately. The third, you followed and complied, then ran away once he began chasing, trying to find some way to pacify him.

The fourth, however, was different. Instead of searching around and muttering to yourself about what you could use to possibly sedate him, you were looking through papers on the desks. You even went as far as to throw them about in your search for... something. That concentrated look on your face portrayed no fear or anxiety at this point, and he honestly couldn't tell if you were already desensitized to this game of his, or if you were simply hyper focused on the paper in front of you. Either way, he couldn't help but watch in pure intrigue of this strange behavior of yours. You seemed to not even notice or care that he was nearby.

"Nothing here... is it only when I'm caught that those papers show up? I've already been caught in every way possible here, I think."

Papers? Papers... Papers! THOSE papers! The ones about the history of the klinikum. The same papers which he knows could be used to stop the loophole. You seemed to be catching on. Now, as much as he would've loved to let you stop them, he couldn't let that happen. The second he realized what you were looking for, he tried twice as hard to catch you. One inevitably, though, you had managed to escape his office using those pesky syringes he forgot about.

By the time he awoke, you were down in the waiting room for your therapy with Nurse Anne, which was recommended by Nurse Heideltraut. He sat up, leaning against the wall as he waited for the awful, nauseating side effects to wear off. His mind immediately wandered to you. YOU. You were trying to escape. You were out there, somewhere, in his klinikum, ruining everything. Whether you knew it or not, your escape would mean the end of the loopholes and, by extension, most likely himself. You were like a pesky little thorn in his side.

A very... smart, pesky little thorn in his side. You seemed pretty nice the first loop, too, before you knew of his true nature. Adorably so, too. Unlike the few other patients who attempted escape, he wouldn't mind keeping you around.

The next thing he knew, once he recovered, he immediately called Dr. Hauser to give strict orders. Very specific ones. If a patient with (S/C), (E/C), (H/C), and a suspiciously specific height came up to the attic, keep them in the attic by any means necessary and call him. He didn't care if they touch Dr. Hauser's things, didn't want to hear any complaining from him, and didn't care if they don't want to stay in the attic. Keep them there. He'd come to pick them up. He practically heard the disdain and anxiety in Dr. Hauser's voice as he, hesitantly, agreed.

Dr. Randolph made sure to contact the others, as well, giving the same orders. If they were in the bathhouse? Dr. Wolfram would keep them contained until he could show up. In the kitchen? Chef Sauer would have to hold in his anger and keep them right where they were. Did they return to the sick ward? Nurse Heideltraut knew exactly what to do. The only three people who he couldn't get into contact with were that odd Trash Collector outside, Nurse Helene and Nurse Astrid.

It was enough, however, to satisfy his growing anxiety. At this point, he wasn't even sure if stopping the loopholes was his first priority. As he replayed exactly what happened the few times you were in his office, he grew more intrigued about you. How did you figure it out so quickly? What were you like? What did you like? Most of all... how did you even get here? It has been so long since anybody from the outside appeared in Heilwald, that he was beginning to believe that, maybe, the world had ended outside of the hospital. How long has it even been since everything changed? Maybe you could tell him. For all he knew, it was still the 1930s. What if it turned out to be years past that?

He didn't have too much time to contemplate, however, as the phone rang. He picked it up, excitedly asking "Hallo? Who is it? Where are they?" It had, admittedly, come out a bit more desperate and loudly than he anticipated, but that was exactly what he was in that moment. Desperate. To stop you, but most of all, just to see you. Had he gone a bit mad over the years? Maybe. But you seemed to increase that madness, somehow, without even knowing it.

After a few, shocked seconds of silence, Dr. Hauser nervously whispered from the other end of the line "Dr. Hauser. The patient is up in the attic. I blocked them into a corner using some of the stuff I have up here. What do you need them for, anywa-?"

Dr. Randolph hung up the phone immediately. That was all he needed to hear. He knew where you were, now, so he could come and get you. All he would need were a few needles and, preferably, something to carry you in like a stretcher. Yes... a stretcher would do. That way he could strap you down and keep you still. That way, you wouldn't be able to run off, anymore.

#the heilwald loophole dr randolph #the heilwald loophole

[scoonsalicious]

Okay, I finally got around to reading the new parts as well as the asks and your responses, and first off, I just want to say I'm proud of you. Like truly. It takes so much strength to be able to fight through what you just experienced. Dealing with trauma will always be an uphill battle and it's going to be a bumpy road to say the least. but you're strong and brave so I have no doubt you'll get through it 🤍 I'm so glad you were able to find writing as a way to process things. It really does help us more than we think. I'm so so sorry that it happened. Sending you all the warm hugs i could give from the other side of the world 🤍

Now, onto the story which, is very heavy as you've warned us before. I mean things aren't in detail but still. You can just feel it. Sam being out of the picture was just so so bad. Obviously, he needed to because that is his nephew. And I know A.J. would be okay but God...not having him there is just, bad news. And it happened at the worst time possible too.

When I saw that Chloe has been "chosen" my heart literally ached. And I could feel Pocket's guilt because, how couldn't she be? They were in the same room together. They literally spoke with each other. You can't just stop the "what-if's" going through your head because there are so many things she could've done but didn't, and so many things she did that she shouldn't have that change the whole course. That's the killer part. So many possible outcomes going true your head and the would've, could've, should've's. But, unfortunately, there's not much she could do. She made a choice during the moment, a temporary solution which, unfortunately, didn't have the best outcome in the long run.

At first, I was hopeful that Chloe was going to be fine and that they'd just somehow taken her somewhere to be experimented on with Hydra wanting to make a new serum or something. So the way my heart literally dropped when I read the first part of Chapter 25. I just...I don't even have the right words. It's just horrible. And then I read her age? Fifteen? I had to put my phone down and take a deep breath. I just feel so devasted. Now if I'm already feeling all that, imagine what Pocket must've been feeling? She's literally living through it and she feels like she had a hand in what happened. It wasn't her fault, not at all. She could only control so much of that situation. She's a strong ass woman but she can't fight against those guys while fighting her own demons at the same time. There really wasn't much she could've done. But God, it's going to haunt her for the rest of her life. But the sad part is, no matter what she does, there's not much she can do to change things. She's just going to have to learn to live with that guilt. I know you really don't like Steve, but the line he said to Wanda in Civil War: "This job... we try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn't mean everybody. But if we can't find a way to live with that, next time... maybe nobody gets saved."

So her spiraling? It comes as no surprise. It's not healthy, but she's in too deep. She's just trying to find a way to numb everything and I can't blame her. Like, it's so easy for us to say oh just go through therapy, rehab etc. don't buy any drugs, don't to this, don't do that because were not the ones in it. But it's never that easy. I just...feel so sad and devasted by it all.

I know everyone's mad at Bucky and rightfully so. But, I am so so glad he's going to be back because yeah, Pocket hates him but at least we have someone who'd stop at nothing to protect her and make sure she's okay. You can't deny he cares about her and that he knows her well. So if there's ANYONE (besides Tony) who could at least snap her out of it for a moment, it would be him. I mean, nobody can pull Pocket out of her spiral apart from herself, but I think Bucky would be helpful in that at least. They're going to butt heads when they meet again but with Pocket's current situation and her mindset, I'm at least grateful that there's someone there to stop her from going even deeper into this hole. She's already off the rails, so I'm grateful that now she's going to have someone who's going to try his damnest to pull her back. Drag her (lovingly) if he has to.

Sigh. We're getting so close to the truth unfolding. I can't wait to see it all. Also saw a snippet of Chapter 26 and honestly, I really do see Bucky's growth (hence why I'm calling him by his name this time) and I can't wait to see more of it. As always, you're amazing. Be kind to yourself and don't forget to always take care of yourself. Lots of love!

— Jnon 🤍

Thank you, Jnon <3 I gladly accept and return your warm hugs from half a world away. They mean so much! Sometimes it's hard to see myself as anything other than broken and weak when I'm in the midst of my feelings, so I appreciate the reminder that healing from this kind of thing is a journey.

I really didn't want Sam to leave, but I needed Pocket to be at her absolute worst point, and alone. I felt like that was the only way she was going to be willing to accept Bucky back into her life. She doesn't want Tony to know what's happening-- she doesn't want to disappoint him, not when he had so much faith in her, so she's kept everything that's been going on from him.

AJ's gonna be alright. Poor kid is just a plot device for me, here. I feel bad, lol. He doesn't deserve it. In my head, he's being spoiled with ice cream and video games while he recovers, lol.

Pocket's gonna feel Chloe's loss for a long time, even beyond this fic, I'm sure. She set out to save girls like her, but instead, because of her selfishness and her perceived weakness, she got a girl killed. In her own mind, she's just as bad as everyone who hurt her growing up. Chloe was her, in a way, and Pocket failed her, and thus herself. Pocket's gonna mention later that it's like this cycle never ends. She could spend the rest of her life working to save women from a similar fate, but it will never be enough. But if she can help save even one woman, well, that's one woman who didn't have hope before. Pocket needed to be at her absolute lowest point so she could get her head out of her ass and fix herself so she can help others.

Funny thing about Pocket and Bucky-- she never hates him. She might think she does, but would actually make her life a lot easier if she really did. She loves him too much, almost.

#unwanted #jnon report

[srarizard]

I don't like to vent, but I've been trying to figure out how to let my feelings out without being really intense and overwhelming people. I used to use writing to do that, but I've been so messed up that I can't even focus on a story. I don't know... It's hard. It's hard when you were raised to believe that no one cares about how you feel because they all have bigger problems, and expressing yours just annoys them because you're asking them to take on your problems, too.

I think it's been 7 years since I abandoned my twitter and stopped talking to the friends I made there, and the shame is real. It took me this long to find out that there was something... very, very wrong with me. Back then, I felt the beginnings of my psyche snapping, and I left to protect them. Now I'm getting therapy, but... But I mean, I don't even remember if I did anything to hurt them because I have this wonderful thing called dissociative amnesia. I was under so much stress that my body completely blocked out my memories of what I did. I was uncontrollable. And... I can never know the depth of the pain I caused my friends, and you can't apologize for something you don't remember. The more I learn about myself now, the more ashamed I am of the person I used to be, because there is a hostile part of me that I can't control solely because of the terrible things I've been through squeezing the memories out of my brain.

On one hand, it's good to get my thoughts out. On the other hand, this isn't going to change anything. It won't change what I did, what happened to me, anything. I have to live with this. And I have to move forward knowing I have new friends and family that depend on me now. If it happens again, I can't just disappear to protect everyone from the fact that I can't control myself.

This sucks, man. This really, really sucks. I don't even know if I feel comfortable reaching out for help because I'm just going to wind up doing the same thing I did in the past, and it's scary as hell. It's the kind of thing that makes you feel like a monster.

#vent #rant #srar talk #mental illness #idk how to tag this but feel free to scroll past if it makes you uncomfortable #long post

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Every once in a while, I do Chortle headlines round-ups. But this time, it's their external headlines list that caught my eye and seemed worth posting:

Yep, that seems to me like a solid summary of comedy news from August 2023. I've been obsessively following comedy in the last month - I mean I'm always obsessively following comedy but I've been especially doing it in the last month because I wish I were in Edinburgh and I want to vicariously live through everyone who was - and this seems like pretty much the cliff notes of what you'd learn if you were following Britcom in the last month.

Eddie Izzard is happy and performing a collection of the best stuff of her long career and it's fucking great. Edinburgh Fringe Festival living is tough, it's too expensive for the comedians and for the audience, that's a big problem. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is full of comedians telling their traumatic stories. John Robins is getting his shit together (honestly, I did read that article and it made me feel a bit guilty for how I recently said in a post that I like the angry bitter version of him so I'm a bit sorry that he's getting better - of course comedians can still be great after getting therapy, often they can be better after getting therapy, James Acaster's brilliant latest show is a great example of that, of course I'm happy about John Robins getting his life to a better place, I was being flippant about John Robins' problems in that other post, reading that article made me want to stop being flippant for a minute and say I really am glad he's taking better care of himself, and I am sure he can make greater comedy than ever in the wake of that). Stewart Lee is maybe autistic - yeah, I knew that, I heard him talk about that possible diagnosis in his show last year, I got a bit emotional hearing from this guy whose comedy has never been especially personal or emotionally vulnerable, but it has been cynical and pedantic in a way I relate to, so hearing he might have this major thing in common with me got to me on an emotional level, and God damn it, why did he have to ruin it by doing the "rich successful man leaves age-appropriate wife for woman half his age" thing that makes me no longer want to relate to him at all?

That's five of the six stories in this round-up. The sixth being - God damn it, Mark, what the fuck? And I know, I know, we're not supposed to care, we're not supposed to put strangers on a pedestal and then be upset when they fail to live up to our standards. I know, I know, but what the fuck, Mark? Hell of a thing to leave out, that is, of all that material you did for all those years about the ending of your marriage. Hell of a thing to leave out, to people who were listening to that material and thinking we knew what you were talking about. What the fuck? I mean... how did you even... three fucking years? Are you fucking kidding me? Just on a practical level, that is so long. No, no, it's fine, I wasn't tying my faith in humanity to the idea of Mark Watson being perfect or anything.

And, no, sorry obviously I was in fact tying my faith in humanity to that, but also, I don't think I am being ridiculous with my pedestal or demanding too much perfection, because surely "if you're going to cheat on your wife don't do it for three whole years, and if you are going to do that then don't spend years doing material about how hard the end of the marriage was without mentioning that little detail, not that you have to tell us every bit of your personal life if you don't want to, but don't talk about it in your comedy at all if you want to leave out the part where it was all your own fault" isn't too fucking much to ask? Fucking hell, Mark. Why? Why, Mark? Mark. Mark, what the fuck?

Anyway. I feel like that screenshot is Britcom in August 2023 in a nutshell. John Robins is okay, Stewart Lee and Mark Watson have news that will disappoint you, Edinburgh Fringe is trauma-filled and expensive. And Eddie Izzard is doing great. Good for her.