#i’m choosing to believe that It Will Still Happen someday | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hrtbreakanniversary · 9 months

Text

Secret Love Song | Sung Hanbin

And nobody knows I'm in love with someone's baby I don't wanna hide us away Tell the world about the love we making I'm living for that day, someday

summary: afraid of having attention on herself from dating the school's most beloved, y/n y/l/n hides her relationship with sung hanbin. pressured to keep this act up, she begins to reap the consequences of doing so.

pairing: sung hanbin x fem! reader

word count: 12k

playlist: secret love song - little mix, cornelia street - taylor swift, shadow - seventeen

warnings: jealousy, suggestive, both of their thinking gets a bit toxic imo, lots of miscommunication, y/n has trust issues, hanbin is a little insecure, anxiety, profanity (lmk if i missed any!)

The cafeteria was busy with everyone rushing to get a meal in the small period between classes. Friends talk about the outrageous amount of homework that teachers assigned or the crazy things that they were taught because they forget that the people they are teaching are just young high school students. Failed whispers gossiping about what happened over the weekend.

A topic being on the school's basketball team's pointing guard, Sung Hanbin, being tied down to cheer captain, Yoo Jimin. Witnesses talking about how they caught them underneath the bleachers outside near the football field during the halftime of last week's game. His lips on hers and their hands where they shouldn't be in public.

This could be rumors. This could be the truth. It's up to the recipient if they choose to believe it or not.

Y/N knew it wasn’t true because they have been dating for about 6 months now.

"Honestly they're pretty cute. It's nothing surprising if they are a thing." Zhanghao's voice muffled behind the straw as he took a sip out of his drink.

"Dude." Yunjin whacked the male on the arm. She quickly reassured Y/N," Don't listen to him. Everyone knows that they're just close friends."

"You're acting like Y/N is going to do anything about her crush. Don't give her that toxic positivity."

With a roll of her eyes, Y/N scoffed out," Thanks for believing in me, Hao. I appreciate the hope you have for me."

"I'm just stating the facts. You've liked him for how long? And I have not seen you guys talk at all."

"Yeah, they have!" Yunjin tried to recollect exactly when but blanked out.

"Like once? When he asked for the answers to the science homework? I’m sorry. He and his whole posse are totally out of our leagues."

"I hope you fail tryouts tonight."

"Yunjin." Y/N sighed," Too far."

"He's pissing me off."

Zhangho mocked Yunjin, flicking her off in the process. In response, the girl whacked him on his head. While her best friends bickered, she couldn't help looking over at the table in the middle of the room. Zhanghao was right. Despite them already dating, she still struggled to believe that she was. And the way that Zhanghao talked about it like it would be something atrocious, this is why she preferred to keep their relationship under wraps and away from the public’s eye. If her own best friend couldn’t see them together, how could anybody else? And she knew the comments from people who didn’t know her would be more harsh.

Y/N eyed how Jimin was sitting so close to him. With every movement, their arms and shoulders would touch.

Jimin rose her arm to hang off his shoulder, leaning into his ear to whisper into his ear that made his lips raise into a smile. Just as Hanbin was about to reply to whatever the girl had to say, another body came into her view and blocked away the school's new "couple". Letting out a breath that she didn't know she was holding, she looked up to find Matthew. He was a year younger, a grade below, but she had American literature with him. They didn't really talk much except when they would get paired during class but then again, Y/N didn't really talk to people outside of her circle.

"H-Hey, Y/N."

"Hi."

Matthew gleamed at the simple response, his fingers playing with the strap of his backpack. As he remained silent, she looked around the table before looking back up at him," Is there something you need?" "Oh… uhm…" he stumbled to take his bag. Placing it roughly on the table that had the three of them grasping at their trays so that their food didn't jump too far out of their plates. Digging deep into the trenches of his bag, he spared each of them a bright smile before pulling out a crumpled-up flower. A single white rose and he shyly began to hand it to Y/N.

More like shoved it into her hands.

"I was wondering… if you would like to go to the winter formal with me. I mean I know that you don't know me too well and I don't know you too well but I've always thought you were pretty. And maybe we could get to know each other through this. So be my date?" In the corner of her eyes, she saw his friends huddled at the door. One of them filming the whole interaction.

“Matthew, I’m sorry.", His face fell in disappointment. Y/N quickly shook her head, attempting to stop him from crying but she could see the tears already beginning to fall," It's just I wasn't planning to go is all! I'll have to figure it out with my parents and I don't have money to go. I’ll get back to you, yeah?"

Blinking away the rest of his tears, he let out a sigh of relief, "Oh. Okay. Well, I'll see you later."

Before Y/N could even say anything, he scurried away. Pushing past his group of friends that ran after him, slapping him on his shoulder and back as they made a commotion.

"That wasn't easy to watch," Yunjin spoke through clenched teeth. Zhanghao picked up the rose from Y/N's lap who was still staring at the empty door in complete guilt.

"Well… this is how you can tell someone likes you." He rose it in the air as if he were examining an exotic flora. "So start living in reality. The both of you. Because Sung Hanbin has never spared more than a glance at Y/N in the past four years”

Funny enough, Hanbin himself had not been able to take his eyes off the girl for more than a minute since the second she walked in. _ Right foot. Left foot. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

She couldn’t take it anymore.

Y/N let out a dry heave, crouching over her knees. Having physical education right after lunch was pure evil. She could feel today’s lunch. Maybe chugging the banana milk before coming out was a bad idea too. It was beneficial for the people in sports that had to leave early to compete at other schools but she wasn’t a part of any sports so they could’ve put her during any other part of the day. Her body was pulled forward by Yunjin who kept her speed at a slow jog. Huffing through each breath,” The faster we get this done, the more we can hide from Coach Kim.”.

“Left!.” A crowd of male voices exclaimed, running past her in a speed that mocked her. Damn basketball team. Their heights offended her too. The grimace on her face stayed until that familiar flop of hair running in the back appeared. Of course, Sung Hanbin being the captain of the basketball team had to lead an example to other players and make sure all his teammates were accounted for. So despite possibly being the fastest, he stayed towards the end to make sure that the players who weren’t able to keep up and no one was left behind.

Suddenly, Hanbin turned around and began to run backward. Raising an eyebrow in question, Y/N continued to jog. He looked around the area, especially on Yunjin who was still beside her before his eye fell down into a wink at her before turning back around and catching up with the rest of his team.

All prior complaints dissipated into the air. She struggled to hide her blush from his flirtatious attempts but that failed when Yunjin stopped them and held her cheeks together. Worried that she was going to faint from the way her cheeks were turning so red.

After everyone had finished the two laps, Coach Kim lined everyone up along the white lines. “Alright, before I send off half of you, we’re going to play a little game of dodgeball.”

Coach Kim earned boos from the tough crowd but he waved them off and began to read down his roster.

“Coach, why don’t we play it a little differently? Couple dodgeball? Girl as striker and boy as the defender?”

“That’s so boring too! You all take too long to get each other out!” A girl shouted from the other side of the line.

“How about we change that up too and have the boy as the striker and the girl as the defender?” A girl with pig tails asked.

Coach Kim obviously thought that was a good idea since he didn't wait for a vote from the class as he immediately divided the class up in half using the method of giving a person a number between 1 and 2.

Y/N looked around at everyone frantically picking their partners. During this game, she always partnered with Yunjin. They always purposely got out so that they could run off and hide somewhere away from everyone’s view to watch episodes of this anime named Bluelock. But now that Yunjin was split apart from her and on the other team, she didn’t know who to choose as her partner and if anybody even wanted to be her partner.

“1?” A familiar voice came out from the chaos of the crowd, their hand reaching to grab her wrist. Hanbin smirked down at Y/N’s look of surprise, her eyebrows raised and lips ajar. His hand slowly trailed down to interlock their fingers together.

Oh he’s getting quite brave. The fight to hide her blush failed once again. But reality hit when she heard other people in their team complaining about how they wanted to be Hanbin’s partner. The ones reminding her why they were in this position in the first place as they questioned who she was and how in any way she was special enough to have Hanbin choose her so quickly. She began to try to pry her fingers out of his,” Hanbin, we can’t.”

“What? Be partners? I don’t see why now.”

” Yeah but partners don’t hold hands like we are.”

Almost like he wasn’t paying attention to a single thing he was saying, Hanbin used his thumb to rub out the crease between her eyebrow created by the pout on her face. Y/N turned her head from side to side to shake his hand off, “Hanbin!” She whisper screamed.

“I don’t know who that is. I only go by one name.”

“Whatever.”

“Whose Hanbin?”

“Shut up, dude.”

“Dude? Hanbin? What are these names?”

Binnie was just on the tip of her tongue but the sound of the whistle brought everyone’s attention to the middle. Using this distraction, she snuck her hand from Hanbin's grasp before any more questioning glances made their way.

All while Coach Kim was trying to give instructions on how to play the game, she could feel his hand linger near hers. The feeling of his fingertips on her palms, close to interlocking their fingers but never doing it. She loved him. Loved how he respected her space and despite pestering her so much about it, listened and didn’t continue actions that made her uncomfortable.

She ached to hold his hand in public.

Wished she didn’t care too much about the retributions.

The whistle rang through the air again to commence the beginning of the game. Everybody rushing into their sports and grabbing a ball from the middle of the court.

Y/N knew it wasn’t going to be normal. She also knew that they were going to be one of the first ones to get out.

Normal partners, they held onto their partners by their shirts or by holding them on their shoulders.

But Hanbin’s arms were around Y/N’s waist, holding her tightly to his chest. It was honestly a little hard to maneuver around with the limitations of space.

The sound of the ball rushing through the air buzzed in Y/N's ear as she flinched away to avoid getting hit all while pushing Hanbin behind her who felt like a 3 potato sacks that she was dragging. The boy was much too happy while playing a game of dodgeball, his grip only tightening as he tucked his chin into her neck.

"Binnie, you're going to have to move if you want there to any chance of us winning."

Longing the vowels in each word, he whispered into her ear," I don't caree~".

To everyone’s surprise except hers, they were the second pair to get out. Gasps of how Hanbin usually lasts until the end. Walking off to the side, they stood and watched the remaining teams. After few minutes and nobody else getting out after them, Hanbin leaned down to whisper in her ear,” Do you want to get out of here?"

She rose her eyebrow," And how would we do that?"

Hanbin looked over at the game and examined the game. More like he was checking to see how Yunjin and her partner was doing. The duo were pretty still very much into the game and it seemed like they weren't going to get out anytime soon. Y/N watched as his arm shot up to garner Coach Kim's attention who stared over at them in question.

"Do you need more balls from the storage, sir? Y/N and I would have no problem grabbing some."

Coach Kim eyed the balls that went off the distance. He shrugged and nodded, honestly not really caring.

Hanbin wasted no time and walked in front to guide them toward the storage. His long legs allowed for their trip to be shorter and faster despite Y/N’s little complaints from her struggling to catch up, practically jogging. He kicked away the rock that held the door open in a comical way that almost fostered a giggle out of her. With a gentle smile on his face, he held the door open with his one hand. Y/N shook her head at his antics, rushing to get inside so he wouldn't have to hold it any longer for her.

Once the both of them were inside, the door was shut between them. Only the light from the windows shining in for them. Luckily the balls were in an easy find because they were in a visible place. Y/N being the one who found it decided to grab it especially since Hanbin was doing who knows what behind her with the jump ropes.

The only con is that it was a high place tucked besides two boxes.

But it was doable. Getting up onto her tippy toes, she reached up. Stretching out her body to grow tall to grab it but to her avail, it failed. So she tried again, jumping with more force each time. It took the fifth try for the bag to finally budge, it slowly sliding down. What she didn't know was that as she moved the bag, it was moving the box to the right forward.

"Cmon." She muttered underneath her breath, grabbing a handful of the net to pull it forward.

In the corner of her eye, she saw the box tipping forward. Quickly, she reached her other arm out to catch it but a body came up behind her to help catch it as well.

Once she turned her head, Y/N's mind was going haywire. She could not focus with how close he stood to her. You'd think she would be used to it by now. But each time, she got a close glimpse of his face. Starstruck is what could be used to describe; her heartbeat pounding in her ears and her breath picking up a pace. Looking over the details of his face from the curvature of his nose to his soft lips, she couldn't look away.

"You know… usually, people say thank you for their life rather than just checking them out."

Her face scrunched up in disgust," I was not checking you out!"

Hanbin ruffled her hair with one hand and pushed the box back into place. He then helped Y/N pull down the rest of the bag. Y/N pulled the bag up to her chest to distribute the weight better. She tried to back up of the little corner she was in but Hanbin's body blocked her from doing so.

"What are you doing?"

Hanbin quickly motioned to her to be quiet with a finger to his lips before cupping a hand behind his ear. Y/N turned around so she was now facing him with an raised eyebrow.

"Doesn't sound like anybody got out."

A smirk grew on his face, her cheek crinkling up to look like cat whiskers. Like muscle memory, her thumb ran over the lines of one of his most beloved features.

"If you keep looking at me like that, I might just kiss you."

Y/N snapped out of her trance, her hand falling onto his shoulder and resting there. She leaned forward so that her face was under his. She tilted her head up, looking him straight the eyes. "Would you?" A loud shriek escaped from her mouth as her feet were suddenly off the floor and she was placed on a tower of mats. His arms caging her between them, slitting himself between her legs. He leaned in so close that the tips of their noses brushed against hers, his lips barely hovering over hers.

Like a game, she leaned back against the wall to run from him. His lips chasing hers, desperate for even the slightly touch. A small peck given by her. Hanbin groaned in annoyance.

He moved one hand to rest against her bare thigh while the other wrapped around her waist to pull her closer to him.

Like magnets, they stuck to one another. The space between them now closed as their bodies mushed together like a perfect puzzle piece.

The white noise of the fan mixing together with the sound of their heavy breathing. Y/N could feel the butterflies going crazy in her stomach when his hand that was previously on her waist slip underneath her school t-shirt.

The way his hands slowly moved and brushed against her a sensitive spot that evoked a giggle. Hanbin couldn't help the smile at the sound. "Come on, babe. I'm losing it here."

"I don't know. It doesn't feel right snogging another women's man."

With his forehead against hers, Hanbin frowned in confusion, " What do you mean?"

"Last I heard, you were dating Jimin."

"Jimin, huh?" Hanbin dramatically leaned away from Y/N, his arm still secured around her waist. He let out a deep sigh," You're right. I shouldn't be having such thoughts about another man's woman."

This time, Y/N rose her eyebrow up in confusion.

"With that junior."

"Oh, Matthew?" "What was going on there anyways?"

"He asked me to the formal."

"Oh is that right?" Hanbin wiggled his eyebrows," How cute is that?"

"Shut up." She pushed at his shoulder that didn't budge at the movement.

"Did he give you flowers?" A peck on her forehead," Balloons?" A peck on her cheek, " What color are you two wearing?," A kiss on her lips.

"You're soooo annoying. I said no to him."

He tucked a strand hair behind her ear, " Good. Because you're mine."

"Yours? I'd be surprised. Everyone is saying you're Jimin's."

"Would I be in your arms if I was hers? I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than here." He ran his thumb over cheek," I'd go anywhere to be with you." Pulling her back in for a tight hug as he wrapped around of his arms around her waist.

Y/N couldn't help the way her cheeks burned. To hide her reaction, she tucked her face between the crack of his neck and returned the hug back to him.

The moment was interuppted by a rapid knock at the door that had her immediately push Hanbin off of her. His hand quickly grabbed onto hers when he stumbled back against the cushions behind him. Yunjin's voice could be heard outside of the room, asking Y/N if she was in there.

"Crap." Y/N started to push her hair back into place, adjusting her clothes back into place. "Dude, hide."

"What, why?" He whispered in a hush tone.

"Don't you think she'll find it odd if we're just chilling in here together?"

"And what's wrong with that?". It was as if he couldn't see the seriousness of the situation. A boy and a girl in a room alone was strange and questionable in so many ways. Especially with how he was leaning his body into hers again, squeezing her hand, "I think it's about time she found out."

"Binnie, just-" The door opened before she could finish her sentence, the doors were open and Yunjin was in the room with them. Luckily she was looking around the room first since they were tucked away in the corner. That quick second allowed Y/N to realize that their hands were still interlocked together and yanked her hand out of his grip. She had unintentionally done it so fast and rough, failing to see how Hanbin's eyebrow began to furrow.

"Yunjin~" She called out to the lost girl, grabbing the bag of extra balls beside her. Yunjin's head quickly snapped over in their direction, her eyes immediately looking Y/N in hers and widening at the sight and thought of the two being alone in a room together.

Y/N rose her hand up to show the bag of balls in her hands, " You came just in time. Can't find anything in this junk yard."

"Right…" Yunjin only moved only because Y/N dragged her out of the small, congested room. She frantically waved goodbye to Hanbin whose gaze were directed to the floor. Yunjin herself wasn't able to figure what emotion he was showing but couldn't help but see that he resembled a kicked puppy on the side of the road.

Finally breathing in some fresh air of outside, Y/N threw the bag over her shoulder and began walking back to the game that wasn't even halfway done yet.

Behind her, she could Yunjin jogging to catch up to her. Whispering yelling underneath the breath that she couldn't wait to tell Zhanghao about how Y/N got to spend time with her "crush". _ Yunjin has been Y/N's best friend since kindergarten. There is no Y/N without Yunjin and there is no Yunjin without Y/N.

So maybe it wouldn't hurt for Y/N to tell about Yunjin about the fact that she isn't single and has a boyfriend that she's been with for six months now. Also that the boyfriend is Sung Hanbin who she has been gushing over and slightly obsessed with since middle school. Yunjin rambled on and on that she was happy that Y/N was able to interact with Hanbin especially after all these years and that she totally thinks that Hanbin is into her despite the fact that in the two minutes that Yunjin saw them together, Y/N tried her best to not look over at him in fear that she would reveal things just by the way that she looked at him.

Maybe it wouldn't be too bad if they went public.

Jimin and Hanbin's friendship never bothered her especially since she knows Jimin views as a brother. But maybe going public would also put a halt to all the rumors about Jimin and him that irked every time she thought about it.

Y/N pulled her shirt over her head to put on her button up instead. Currently she was in one of the empty shower stalls. While she's known most of the people out there for long as she has been attending public school, she preferred to have privacy while changing.

While clasping the buttons together, she got a big whiff of cigarette smoke.

The shower stalls had a vent that was just placed perfectly on a wall that has an alley on the other side where all students that smoke hid to have their daily dose of those nicotine sticks.

She opted to ignore it as it was none of her business and all she had left to do was to tuck her shirt into her skirt. As she pushed the bunched cloth into the hem, her movements halted when she heard the mumble of her name.

"Yeah, she was with him most of the time."

"Damn that sucks! Weren't you trying to be his partner in the game? Isn't that why you brought it up to Coach Kim?"

Y/N inched closer to the wall, keeping up onto her tippy toes as the vent was so far high up on the wall.

"And he partnered up with Y/N instead?"

The girl let out a long and heavy sigh, seemingly taking a drag of her cigarette before continuing her rant," Partner up? More like she leeched herself onto him. So annoying. Then they were the first to get out."

"Oh my gosh. Hanbin must've been so annoyed. He's literally the best at any sports he plays."

"Right? Then they disappeared off and I never got to talk to him because by the time I found him, he was already with his friends."

"What? Didn't you get out right after Hanbin and Y/N?" The other girl let out an horrendous cackle," And way to make it so obvious. I'm so surprised that Coach didn't say shit about that. "

"That old man is tired. I was doing him a favor by making the game shorter. But anyways, I couldn't find him. Gosh it was so annoying."

"Oh well. The time will come."

"I could've gotten it over with if Y/N wasn't in the way."

"Hey… at least you know she isn't any competition."

"Right? In no way would Hanbin ever go for someone like Y/N."

"You're like 10 times prettier than she is, hands down."

"Girl, I already know that. Like literally he is way too good for her and if she confessed like anyone else would, let's just pray for her because that wouldn't end well."

Having enough of this conversation, Y/N threw on the rest of her outfit and snatched her backpack out of the ground. Pushing past half of the girls, she rubbed at the tears that were fighting to come out. She couldn't believe she was crying because of a gossip. She couldn't believe she was running away from Yunjin who would be the one to comfort in times like this.

She couldn't believe she was dumb enough to even think that the world would accept them. _

A kiss on her neck distracted her from the spam of messages coming from Yunjin about how Matthew asked about her after school. The culprit’s hand pulled the cellular device away from her and placed it on the night stand. Hanbin’s warm hand coming back down to run over the exposed skin of her midriff. A giggle escaped from her lips as he began to lay multiple pecks running down to her collar bone.

Pushing him off slightly, “What are you doing?”

“Trying to get your attention.” He pouted,” I’m so tired and all I want to do is cuddle with the hottest girl in school.”

“Hottest girl?”

He hushed her, bringing up his index finger to her lips.

“But she’s too busy talking to her friends that she spends 24/7 with.” He dramatically sighed, allowing his body to fall on top of hers. Tucking his face into the crook of her neck.

“Oh shut up. I know you chose me as your partner on purpose during that game. I don’t want to place blame on anybody but if you weren’t too hyperfocused on hugging me the whole time, we could’ve won.” No snarky response was heard. Instead, she could feel him breathing in her scent that had her scrunching her neck in response.

“Dude, I probably smell like sweat.”

“No, you smell so good.” His voice muffled,” Like cheese.”

Pushing him off again, she mumbled underneath her breath,” Idiot.”

“I wanted to get out first so I could spend time with you. Don’t act like I don’t know yours and Yunjin’s secrets. But she just had to get out so soon.”

“Well you have me all to yourself now.” Y/N pushed back his hair out of his face. Like a puppy, Hanbin gleamed at the gesture and words that came out her mouth.

"By the way, what's your favorite number?"

"_" She raised her eyebrow up," Why?"

"No reason."

"You sound very guilty right now."

He pulled his phone out and began typing hurriedly on his phone. Y/N propped herself up into a 45 degree angle, trying to get a peek of his screen but Hanbin quickly hid the screen with a devilish smile.

"Heyy…" She began poking his shoulder, hoping to annoy him enough to get him to give in. But instead, Hanbin took the opportunity to roll over and lay his head on her stomach. He grabbed her hand that was poking at his shoulder and began to nibble at her finger.

“Stoooop, you little vampire.”

Hanbin placed her hand onto his chest, bringing his phone up high enough so the both of them could look at his screen.

"You're going to put that number on your jersey?"

"Yeah, I want to show that I'm yours somehow."

"That's pretty smart."

"Told you I was."

"Mhm and that's why this was suppose to be tutoring session for your D on your latest Stats test." Hanbin shushed her before pulling up his Instagram and successfully distracting them again from changing their cuddle session to what it was suppose to be before which was a study session.Occasionally they would laugh at the reels that would pop up but his feed was full of a lot of people she didn’t really know or talk to. So Y/N resorted to playing with the strings of his hoodie. Suddenly the loud commotion of earlier today caught her attention. Looking up, she saw an angle of Matthew’s proposal. Someone had sent a video to the school’s instagram account to post for the Assuming where the camera was, it was his friend that was recording earlier today.

She could feel herself physically cringe at watching it all go down again. Expecting Hanbin to laugh about it, she quickly covered his mouth to intercept any sort of teasing that may come to his head. But instead his face remained stoic and he sat up, her hand falling down to her side. He was hunched over as he rewatched the video again.

To get jealous was rare for Hanbin. In the time frame of their whole relationship, which isn’t long but isn’t too short, Hanbin has never showed any signs of jealousy except for one incident before they started dating. He was pretty confident in himself and the two of them always reassured one another that they were the only ones that had each other’s eyes.

“Wait, what’s wrong?”

“You didn’t say no.”

She sat up fully as well, scooching closer to the end of the bed where he sat. “Well, I’m planning to.”

“Why didn’t you say no right then and there? You told me that you did.”

“I just didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his friends.”

“It seems like you’re going to say yes to the guy.” He pointed at his phone.

“But I’m not. I’m planning to say no.”

“He doesn’t seem to think so.”

“I’m going to tell him no!” And while they were on this subject, she couldn’t help but bring up something that’s been bothering her as well,” Why aren’t you denying the rumors about Jimin?”

“What rumors?”

“There’s rumors that the two of you were behind the bleachers and that the two of you are together.”

“Well first of all, the girl I was behind the bleachers with was you. And those rumors have been around since the minute people realized that we’re friends and hang out in the same friend group. It’d be weird if I deny them now if I never acknowledged them before. Besides, those rumors have never bothered you until now. Why are they bothering you now?”

“Then why are you so bothered that I’m planning to say no later? You know I wouldn’t go to the dance with somebody else.”

“I asked you last week and you straight up told me no. He asks you and he gets a, “I’ll have to see. ”

Y/N ran her hand through her hair in frustration. “You know why I said no to you.”

Hanbin returned his gaze back to the dark screen of his phone,” Yeah… yeah… I know. Everyone is going to have something to say about you and me and it’s just too much attention.”

“If I told Matthew no right away, I wouldn’t hear the end of it, especially since he did it in front of so many people.”

The two in silence. Both coming to their conclusion. Y/N came to the conclusion that the both of them were in the wrong and getting a little too jealous. But it didn’t feel like everything was said as Hanbin stayed perched at the end of his bed, his phone back on and scrolling through the comments underneath the video. She reached out an arm out to him but he abruptly stood up. He was quick to grab his duffle bag which was tucked away beside her closet.

“I’ve got tryouts.”

“Binnie…” Getting up onto her knees and was about to get up off the bed to walk over to him but he stopped her ,” Cmon..”

Using his hand on her shoulder to guide her back down into her bed, Hanbin leaned a placed a kiss on her forehead, “I'm sorry." He brought his hand up to cut her cheek, running his thumb along her cheek," I overreacted. I'll see you later?" Even though he looked her in the eyes and said that. She struggled to believe him. Reluctantly, she nodded her head slowly. Before she could even utter another word, he was out of the door and down the stairs.

Despite facetiming later that night, Y/N still felt there was something on Hanbin’s mind. Like he still had something to say. That morning too, she didn’t receive a message from him telling her to have a good morning.

Not that she wanted him to always send it but it was so out of character for him not to.

So she couldn’t help the pain in her chest when he walked past with her friends like she didn’t exist. But this was something that was a regular occurrence. She was the one who told him to do that. So why did she want him to look at her?

A tap of her shoulder shook her out of her shoulder. Turning again, she found Matthew with another flower in his hand. He motioned for Y/N to take it. The girl slowly took it from his hand. Honestly, she was trying to avoid him until after the dance so that the whole proposal would be useless and forgotten but she already knew that was impossible.

“So?”

“Matthew… I’m sorry. I can’t go.”

“Didn’t you say it was about money? I could pay for your ticket!”

For some reason, even though Matthew was in front of her, she couldn’t help but look over at Hanbin who was leaning up against a locker, talking animatedly to his teammates every so often.

“No… No.. it’s something else. I just can’t go with you.”

“Do you mind me asking why? I mean I know we don’t know each other all that well so I think that this would be a great time for us to get to know each other.”

“You’re quite persistent, you know?”

“I’m just curious, that’s all.”

“Okay, Matthew, it’s not something else. It’s someone else.” Feeling apologetic, she held his hands in hers ,”It doesn’t feel right for me to go to the dance with someone when I’m completely and utterly in love with someone else.”

“Is it Hanbin?”

She looked back at him in shock, “Woah, how’d you figure that out so quickly?”

“I mean, minus the fact that you won’t stop looking over at him, I think the bruise on my leg is clear evidence. He was super nice when everyone first got there and he was even giving me tips but then I mentioned my proposal to other players to make myself look cooler because they were all calling me kid because how short I am and he started getting rough.”

She knew it. She knew he was still bothered about the proposal.

“You used me to make yourself look better?”

“ I’m sorry for that. I honestly deserved getting roughed up.”

“Yeah and for also thinking that I could up your game in any way.” Y/N laughed at the thought but Matthew looking at her with an incredulous look as if she were insane halted her from continuing on.

“What do you mean? You’re one of the coolest and sweetest girls I’ve ever met. Anybody that could have you would be lucky to have you.” He shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing. “ I just don’t understand why I never see you two together.”

“Well he’s him. And I’m me. People would just look at us weird and question how someone like me could be with someone like him. Like he could do better, you know?” She didn’t know why she was spilling her feelings out to someone she barely knew. But it felt so good to say it aloud.

“Who cares about what everyone else says?”

“Me. Because I will have to hear the disapproval from everyone and how strange it is that we’re even together.”

“What matters is that the two of you like each other and that’s all that matters. Anybody else that cares and has something to say needs to get a life. And to stop watching so many movies because this is real life and those “status quos” don’t exist.”

The first bell rang signaling that their first class was about to start in 5 minutes and they needed to go now. Matthew leaned in and kissed Y/N on her cheek before she could deny it. “I truly wish you will take in what I say. Don’t hide your relationships for the sake of people you shouldn’t care about.”

The younger boy walked away before she could even say anything, leaving her dumbstruck.

Someone colliding into her shoulder snapped her out of her thoughts.

Matthew's word ran over and over again in her head like a broken record. The way he tells her like it's so easy to do so.

Maybe it is if she learned to not care so much.

The second bell warning pulled her out of her mind. The teacher from her calculus was beginning to notice that she was starting to come late to class a lot more than she should be. She bound to pull her aside to talk about it soon. Pivoting around, she rushed up the stairs to her first class.

Hanbin stood by himself at his locker now. His hands tucked into his jeans as he watched Matthew walk away. His jaw clenched tight as the loud slam of his locker echoed through the empty hall.

Apologies spilled from her mouth every millisecond as she hovered through the crowd to get to the entrance of the tunnel where the basketball team gathered.

The pep rally was about to begin in 10 minutes and she managed to escape from Yunjin and Zhanghao to be able to talk to Hanbin. To talk about their argument last night and their relationship. Because Matthew was right. Why do other people’s opinions matter? But there was still that fear and that voice in her head that told her that wasn’t a good idea.

Finally reaching an area that had some elbow room, she maneuvered past the associated student body to where a large group of boys in the school’s basketball uniform circled around who knows what. Not seeing the face she wanted to, she decided to see if he was more towards the front.

“Excuse me.” She squished past the sweaty boys and landed at the front where she found the cheerleaders putting face paint on students and athletes. The boy she was looking for had his legs spread out so he could be the same height as the girl in front of him. The girl dangerously close as she held onto his shoulder, her head leaned in to ensure that the lines she was painting on his face were perfect.

When she leaned back to laugh at something Hanbin said, Y/N realized then and there that it was Jimin.

She had to think about what she was going to do next. If she was going to do something that she regretted because of that green feeling that was currently bubbling in her chest. First, she knew that Jimin was a sweet girl that would never take another person’s boyfriend and she never cared about her friendship with Hanbin because what she had with him was so secure. Second, she wasn’t so sure how secure they were anymore and it wasn’t like Jimin knew that Hanbin was tied down, it seems like all her actions were definitely advances to something more.

So now here Hanbin and her in a janitor’s closet where she pulled him away from a confused Jimin. Y/N muttered something along the lines that she had to talk about something from Chemistry despite that class being one that took two years ago in their sophomore year. As she walked away, she could hear people asking questions such as, “ who is that?” or “If I was Jimin, I’d be upset if someone was touching my man like that.”

“You expect me to be okay with dating rumors when you’re going around, acting like that?”

"Y/N, she was just putting face paint on me." His eyes remained away from you and on something in the background. Trying to avoid her glare.

“She’s all over you and it annoys the hell out of me. Yeah, I didn’t care before but I care now.” She couldn’t believe the words that were going to come out next,” If you want her, then go ahead and go for it. But you have to let go of me first.” She didn’t mean a single word.

“Did I actually ever have you?”

Y/N stopped her prancing in the small room and turned her body to look at Hanbin who was already looking at her.”What do you mean by that?”

“Sometimes I'm just here for fun. For the pleasure of it all. Our dates consist of hanging out in our houses and occasional dates outside of the city because you are scared to be seen by anybody else. Here, I have to act like you don’t exist and you act like I don’t exist. I want to brag about you to my friends but I can’t. I even have to remind my mom not to say anything about you to them even though she absolutely is in love with you. And I assume you never told yours about me because of how you hid me away from Yunjin. Are you that ashamed to be with me?"

“Binnie-”

“I want to hold your hand when I want to. I want to kiss you when I want to.” And he too could feel that green monster building up again at the memory from earlier today. .

He saw that? Y/N waved her hands and shook her head,”It’s not what it looks. I didn’t know he was going to do that and I wouldn’t have wanted him to do it if I had known. I’ve told you multiple times that Matthew and I have nothing going on.”

“ Then why aren’t you believing me when I say that Jimin and I aren’t as well. You’re asking why I care so much about Matthew? It’s not Matthew that I care about. It’s the fact you have never been so open to talking to me in public and you didn’t even push him away when he kissed you even if it was a simple one on the cheek. You didn’t say no to his proposal so now I have to hear whispers about things I know that aren’t true. And I get why you did it so people wouldn’t talk but there is inevitability some. Why can’t you let there be whispers about us?”

She watched as his face scrunched up, his fingers running along his forehead to massage the tension headache forming. “Y/N, I’m just tired. I’m so tired. Of running around. Of acting like I don’t care that we have to hide.” The pain in the chest made it hard for her to breathe as she could feel the three words threatening to come out of his lips.

Wanting to cut him off to tell him that she didn’t hide them anymore, his phone rang frantically. They let it go to voicemail but right after, it rang again.

Though the both of them didn't budge a single movement for what felt like the longest time, his phone went off again after the other one finished. Hanbin pulled the device out of his pocket, letting out a sharp exhale. “I’ll just tell them to go on without me.”

Before he could lift up the screen to see who it was, Y/N shook her head, “ It’s fine, just go.”

“No, I’m not leaving us like this again. It’s just a pep rally. I don’t have to be there.”

“And if you go missing, the whole school will freak out. Personally, I don’t want to be the reason that the school star player is missing.”

“Y/N, this is it. This is what’s wrong. Who cares about what anybody thinks? Do you not have anything to say about this?”

“I’m trying, Hanbin! I’m trying. But everyone you miss a basket or the team is having a off day, I have to listen to the crowd talk and assume things about you guys. And most of them talk about you being distracted and having a girlfriend. I don’t want to be blamed for that and have everyone scrutinize me. It’s also the fact that no one could ever imagine you with me. It’s always Jimin. It’s always who the heck is that? whenever they see me with me. Shit, even Zhanghao can’t imagine us together.”

“But we are. And people are going to have to accept that.” Hanbin hung his head back. “And I’m trying my best to just do what we’ve been doing. Keep our relationship a secret but I can’t find the strength to go on anymore. Because sometimes I feel like I love you more than you love me. And I honestly don’t know if I can stay any longer, feeling that.”

Her heart thumped at the three words. They haven’t said I love you to one another yet. Always dangerously on the tip of their tongues but never finding the right times to do so.

And this wasn’t the context in which he was hoping he was going to say it.

Her attention shot back into the room when Hanbin’s phone rang again. He cursed under his breath, seeing his Coach’s contact name on the screen this time. “I’ve got to go.”

A silence granted permisssion to end the converstion. Hanbin slowly grabbing his backpack and throwing it over his shoulder. Y/N let out a shaky breath as he began to pass her, their shoulders brushing against each other.

“I love you, Hanbin.”

The sounds of his shoes signaled that he halted in his steps. She could hear him let out a breath of air before starting to speak.

Then the door slammed open. The short, stubby janitor shouting out,” What are you two doing in here?”

(a/n: i meant to put sports, not spots! so sorry for the typo)

After the janitor caught them, his screaming caught the attention of the basketball coach who was searching the hallways from Hanbin. The star basketball player was pulled away from her before he could even reply to her declaration. Though he could see Hanbin struggling to get out of the older man’s grip, looking back at her every so often until they turned the corner to the gym.

It was true she wasn’t feeling all that well. The dizziness from nervousness and the bile rising up her throat, trying to imagine how it would be if they changed the premise of their relationship. Truely, she needed to lay down before she fell to the cold, dirty ground of the hallways.

She hoped that he saw it to be true and not said out of desperation to fix their falling relationship. Checking the clock in the corner of the room, she wished the time would go by faster so they could finish their conversation and she could tell him how much he means to her.

Multiple buzzes from her phone prompted her phone to check whatever her friends had to say now. She could feel her heart drop to her stomach and bile rising up her throat again. This time there was no way to stop it from coming out.

Opening the notification from her friends and repeated tweets from the school's gossip account. The recent headline highlighting Yoo Jimin asks Sung Hanbin to WakeOne's annual winter formal! He says yes! The photos showing different angles of the proposal. A clear look of surprise on Hanbin's face as flowers handed to him from left and right from other cheerleaders. The last photo shocked her gave her a sharp pain in her chest as Chaewon's arms were wrapped Hanbin's neck, his eyes only simply looking down at her face. His hands nowhere near to pushing him off.

Covering her mouth to control her impending sobs, Y/N quickly stood up to run over to the trash can to empty the contents of her stomach. Though Hanbin hadn’t outright said it, she could feel him putting that pause or ending their relationship in the last sentence that he had spoke to her.

He was going to be with someone that treated him right and was perfect for him.

She had her chance and she lost him.

Turning to look at the school’s nurse, she raised the question if she could stay for the rest of the day to avoid and hide her problems outside of this room but she was already scribbling down a note, shaking her head at the disgusting smell.

As the last bell rang, Y/N apologized to the nurse who told her that was nothing and to rest as it seemed like she was sick from stress. And the stress was beginning to take a toll on her body.

Y/N could only imagine if the nurse knew what type of stress she was going through. She would shake her head at the teenage girl.

The nurse began prepping the word and just as Y/N was about to sit down to wait, the door bursted open. A disheveled Yunjin appeared. She slapped a hand against her forehead and shook her head,” No fever.” She grabbed Y/N's face by the chin and twisted it around to check if there was anything abnormal but nothing. “Girl, you look and feel fine. So you left me alone to those heathens for nothing?”

"Tell that to the three times I've thrown up in the past hour. Guess I should’ve trusted you and just threw away that 6 dollar boba.”

"I could always buy you a new one. Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah kinda..”

Yunjin linked arms with hers,” Great, then, let’s go meet up Zhanghao to check if he made the team or not.”

“I’m actually going to head home right now. I’ll catch the two of you tomorrow at the game-”

“Oh my gosh, noo! He’d kill us if we forget the promise we made with him. We have to be there for him to either congratulate him or console him with a dinner.”

“I know but I still don’t feel all that good.”

Yunjin hummed in response. Although not completely convinced to let Y/N go home. While Y/N waited for the nurse to complete the last of the paperwork, she saw in the corner of her eye a familiar tall figure.

Maybe it was her nerves that prompted her to do so but she grabbed Yunjin who was completely thrown off by the change of energy in the environment. Y/N quickly pulled them both behind a curtain just in time for the door to open again.

"What are you doing-"

Y/N covered the brunette's mouth, peeking through the small slit of the curtain.

Hanbin stood inside of the nurse's office, fiddling with the strap of his backpack. "Hello, by any chance, did a Y/N Y/L/N come by today? I heard some of her friends saying she would be here."

"Oh uhm..." The nurse stumbled over her words. Crossing her fingers behind her back, Y/N hoped that she could read the room and understand what Y/N wanted. "She just left."

"Oh..." Hanbin sighed. "Do you mind if I asking what's wrong with her?"

"Hanbin, you know I can't disclose other student's health with you."

A soft chuckle filled the air and Y/N feel her heart warm at the sound. But it was still heavy with the news she read only two hours before.

"I get that. Can you just let me know if she's okay?"

"She's alright."

She could see him slowly nod and tuck his hands behind his back before bowing. "Thank you. Have a good rest of your day, I'll see you at the game tomorrow."

"Good luck tomorrow, Hanbin."

She waited for sound of the door clicking close before taking her hand off of Yunjin's mouth. Thanking the nurse profusely for lying for her despite not knowing the situation, she could feel a tug on her sweater. Turning to look at Yunjin whose face was decorated in so much shock that it was almost comical, " Why are you acting so weird? And was that Hanbin just looking for you?"

"I can explain."

"Wait, then why did he say yes to Jimin?" Yunjin scoffed, shaking her head.

Y/N hugged her pillow close to her chest. The tears beginning to fall again. She managed to hold herself together as she confessed about the secret relationship between Hanbin and her but the reminder that they were potentially over clouded her mind. She shrugged in response.

"That makes no sense though. Because he never actually broke up with you."

Zhanghao sighed and grabbed tissues from her desk, handing them over to her.

"I'm sorry."

The two girls looked up at him in confusion. In the years that they've all been friends, they have never heard those two words come out of Zhanghao's mouth. He was very unashamed of his actions and if he was ever sorry for something, he would show it through his actions.

"That I was pushing Matthew on you. That I kept saying that Hanbin wouldn't look your way."

"You're not wrong though, Hao. He wouldn't have paid attention to me if it wasn't for us having the same part time job during summer."

"Y/N, don't say that." Yunjin nudged her with her shoulder.

"You’re absolutely gorgeous. You both are. And I kept making comments like you were less than what you are."

"It's fine, Hao."

"Yeah but still I was such a dick."

"You were just trying to help me get over him. Nothing wrong with that."

Zhanghao fell back into the plethora of stuffed animals tucked in the corner. Though all was forgiven, the male couldn't stop the feeling of embarrassment and shamefulness he felt from how he acted in the last week.

Yunjin all of a sudden began giggling which earned confused looks from the other two poeple in the room. "He was so jealous then."

A smile perked up on Zhanghao's pout, " That's right! He was going so hard on Matthew that one day at tryouts. I feared for his life."

Yunjin tickled Y/N's side, her tongue sticking out," Look at you having two boys fighting over you."

"Dude, it was making me so sick. I can't even act like I could brag about it because it was stressing me out so much."

"That explains why he was asking the nurse about you. Aw, Y/N, he was looking for you!"

"Yeah... after he said yes to Jimin during the pep rally."

"I don't know if he even said yes to her. Everything happened so quick and he didn't even smile or do anything through the whole thing." Zhanghao tapped his chin," He was just... in shock."

A sudden knock on her door silenced them all. Peeking in was her mother. "Honey... Hanbin is downstairs."

Plushies flew each side of the room as her two friends scrambled to leave the room through the window but Y/N stopped them. She kneeled to the end of her bed," Can you tell him I'm sleeping already? That I'm still sick from earlier today?"

Her mother frowned before nodding, shutting the door behind her.

"Why are you avoiding him?" Zhanghao questioned, crossing his arms together," And are you not getting his texts or calls?"

"I... blocked him."

"What? Why?"

"Hao, I just don't want to deal with all of this right now. It's too overwhelming."

"If you avoid your problems, they only get worse."

"I just need some time to think about everything, okay? I feel like I got the ultimatum that I have to choose having our relationship public or losing him. Then I also think that Jimin is so much better for him because if he's with her, it'd be so much easier because she's used to the attention. "

"But he doesn't like her, he wants you." Zhanghao waved his hands from left to right," Hence why he was crying over a photo of you and him."

Y/N covered her face with the pillow that was still in her arms," I know... I know... but if he was with her, he wouldn't have to even deal with this bullshit."

Yunjin wrapped her arm around Y/N's shoulder, "I get what you're thinking but he seems like he's all in for you."

"I know... I know... I just don't know if I'm ready. I thought I was. And what if I just disappear from his life. Act like I never in it like I was before. Then he could get over him."

"So you're just going to avoid him until when?"

"Not forever. I just need a moment to think to myself. I've already heard what he has to say."

"So you're just going to let Jimin swoop up and take your man like that?"

"What? No? Yes? I don't know." Y/N abruptly stood up, shocking both of her friends. "You guys are suppose to be helping me but instead you're making me want to throw up some more." Speaking of which, she could her stomach beginning to rumble and the feeling of something up her throat. Stumbling over sheets and pillows to the bathroom, she shut the door behind her. Praying that the fan would cover the noise.

Zhanghao huffed and pulled out his phone. Yunjin decided to keep quiet and watch the show that was put on before Zhanghao came over. When he becomes stressed or annoyed, he tended to find comfort in his phone especially when he's trying to calm down and not blow up on the person he was talking to.

But at that moment, he was currently texting Hanbin to tell him the truth. For two reasons he did so. One, so he didn't have to watch his friend mope around. He disliked seeing Y/N upset especially when she begins to self deflect herself. Two, so he doesn't want to have his teammate mope around when their first scrimmage is tomorrow. While it wasn't a real game, it was still a pretty big deal.

After Zhanghao and Yunjin left, Y/N went downstairs to wash and put away the dishes that they used. Sitting on the couch was her mother, catching up on the shows she missed while at work. In front of her on the coffee table was a white pharmacy bag and bento boxes that were opened up. She walked over to see Mrs.Sung's infamous rolled egg omelette.

She always mentioned to the older lady that she makes the best.

"What's this?"

"Hanbin brought this earlier when he came by. He told me you went to the nurse's earlier that day?"

Y/N sat down and nodded. "Wasn't feeling too well."

"Well, he brought you medicine. Mrs.Sung made you congee. It's on the stove."

Using her finger, she took a peek into the bags and boxes. She could her heart melting at the sight, a note at the bottom of the bag from Hanbin. The message was short with the simple words of Get Well Soon but it meant so much more. The way he went home after practice and still came by her house to drop all of these things off despite it being a bunch of back and forth.

She could feel her mom side eyeing her and honestly, she would too.

The words replaying in her head of how he felt like he was more in love with her than she was with him. Which simply just wasn't the truth and it pained her heart to ever think that he thought that way because her actions are what prompted him to believe so.

She pulled out her phone to text Yunjin and Zhanghao if they could help her for what she was conjuring up in her head. She passed Hanbin's contact in her favorites. Debating if she should unblock him or not. Scared of what's to come next. But in order to get to the next step, she had to. Quickly, she unblocked his contact.

Soon, a spam of notifications appeared. Stating that she had 6 new notifications from messages.

As she read through the messages he sent her, her vision began to blur from the tears brimming her eyes. Hearing those words written out so beautifully by him.

Cursing herself for realizing it too late. Through every comment she's heard that upset or scared her, she was given the constant reassurance by him that she'll be safe with him. Through everytime she considered that they should break up, she always told herself that Hanbin is worth it all.

Hanbin will always be worth the pain.

Though she tried to talk to Hanbin earlier in the day so that it wouldn't seem like she was ignoring his texts from the night prior, it seemed like the world wasn't against her today.

Because of the game tonight, the basketball team was able to leave during PE so she missed him in their last two classes that they shared together. She was able to conjure the confidence to walk up to him during lunch but she pulled away from the planning committee to help plan for the class floats that were going to come out during halftime.

At least he knew that she was going to talk to him and wasn't planning to ignore him until the school year was over. His wide eyes and the clear shout from down the hall, telling her to come to the game tonight, an indiction of so.

It was better this way especially since she wanted to surprise him tonight and she knew she could never hide anything as big as this from him. So this no talking period between them both pained and relived her.

It also gave her more time to sneak around and plan her surprise for him in the period that she was waiting for the game to start with Yunjin. They had planned to grab some hotpot to fill their stomachs but Zhanghao forgot his shoes because of first game jitters so they had to go to his house and grab them. And while they did this task for him, he also complained that he needed it before the warmups started and told them not to take so long. Text messages rushing in every other minute to check up on where they are. He was unknowingly rushing them but they let it slide this time because they will never understand men's weird obsession with smelly clothes being their good luck charm and that it was his first game.

After giving the princess his stinky shoes, the two girls went to a nearby dollar tree to get the materials she needed for what she wanted to prepare for Hanbin. Yunjin dropped Y/N back at home so that the two of them could get some rest before heading out to the game. Yunjin asked Y/N if she wanted her to pick her up but being the person she is that didn't want to inconvenience anybody, Y/N insisted that she would walk there especially since it was still going to be light out when the game started.

She had so much running around today so who could blame her for falling asleep on the couch while watching reruns of Grey's Anatomy?

Maybe then if she took Yunjin up on the offer, she wouldn't have woken up to about 35 missed calls and 60 unread texts combined from both of her best friends. She wouldn't be frantically trying to grab everything and pay for an uber to school so she could get there before the game ended.

She slept through three and half quarters. With only 10 minutes remaining in the game.

Surprisingly with how fast she threw everything together and rushed out of the house to get into the car, she didn't trip over her foot once as she stumbled out of the uber. Leaving a hefty tip for the middle aged man who had to deal with her asking if he could drive any faster despite there being traffic to the school.

Struggling to catch her breath, she saw a large crowd of people exiting the gym. Confirming the worst possibility of all the possibilities.

The game ended on her and Hanbin was left thinking that she flaked on him.

Running towards the entrance, she immediately found Yunjin who grabbed the girl by her shoulder and pushed her away the crowd that stampeding out.

"Y/N! I tried calling and texting you. Where were you?"

"For the life of me, I could not wake up."

Yunjin sighed and began to rub her forehead in frustration," The balloons are still in my car and they should still be inflated. The game just ended and they should still be getting ready to go home."

"Then we have enough time."

"We have enough time."

Y/N took a deep breath, a shaky one that was filled so much anxiety.

"Hey, you don't have to do this. A man's love is not worth risking it all for something that you are not yet comfortable to do."

Y/N quickly shook her head," No, I want to. This is for him and for me."

Yunjin gave her a tight, warm hug," You'll do great. If all goes wrong, I'm just a phone call away and Hao will be nearby." And a quick second, the soft Yunjin was gone. A strict look on her face as she pointed her head towards the large tree at the side of the school," Let's get to work."

Y/N nervously tapped her foot against the pavement, crossing her arms together to gather warmth as a strong gust of wind flew by.

The sound of boys yelping and clammering of the locker room gained her attention, turning her head to find Hanbin in the crowd.

Because they are teenage boys, everyone looked the same especially after taking a shower. There were no differences in hair to tell them apart. Ignoring the side eyes and quick glances, she stepped closer to the entrance just to make sure she didn't miss.

Accidentally bumping into strong frame that immediately caught her.

"Y/N!" Matthew cheered, a wide smile at her appearance. " I didn't know you were coming tonight!"

"Oh... yeahh..." Y/N smiled softly back, her eyes darting from his face to whoever was coming up behind him.

"Did you see the basket I got? It was so intense because all of the guys from the other team were like ganging up on me and honestly I kinda rushed to throw the ball and it actually got in."

Y/N's mouth dropped down in shock," Dang, that's some real talent. But I'm sorry, I didn't get to see it. I... missed like the whole game."

"Wait then why are you here?"

Y/N leaned down to whisper," I'm actually going to ask Hanbin to homecoming."

Matthew's gasp came out louder than Y/N expected, his hands clasping down together with hers. "Dude no way!" He quickly pushed her into his arms and wrapped her into a hug as he swung their bodies left to right," I'm so proud of you. It's going to be great. I can't wait for you guys to-"

Y/N quickly pushed Matthew off when she opened her eyes and found Hanbin standing at the entrance, only a few feet away from them. He was already focused in the position the two were in, his eyes wide. When he finally snapped out of it, the emotions ran dry from his face as he cleared his throat.

"By all means, do not let me interrupt."

"Crap." Y/N and Matthew mumbled underneath their breaths as Hanbin began to storm off in the direction of the parking lot.

Without bidding a goodbye to Matthew, Y/N ran after the boy. His long legs benefitting him as whenever she thought she was caught up to him, she wasn't.

"Hanbin!" She yelled, her voice cracking as she never really spoke that loud unless she really needed to.

He stopped in his steps but continuing on.

Groaning out of frustration, she quickly ran again to grab his arm and made him face her. "Hanbin, please."

"No!" He threw her hand of his arm," You didn't text me back all night. And then I see you with Matthew. Y/N, you could've just told me what you wanted and spared me the shock because I'm already heartbroken as is."

Not finding the right words to say in the heat of the moment, Y/N pulled him in the direction of the soccer field.

Hanbin didn't resist but questions spurred out every second, telling her to say something or asking where she was taking him.

As they reached closer to the tree, she couldn't find which one it was as she couldn't seem to find the decorations that Yunjin and her rushed to do in 10 minutes. Curses sprang from her mouth when she finally found the sign. Only the sign. That wrote out Wanna Dance? in Zhanghao's chicken writing.

She immediately dropped Hanbin's hand, looking at the bare trees that no longer had his favorite colored balloons tied to them. And the lights that were scattered throughout the grass with the flowers all over the place. It looked like a tornado had blew through this place.

This was suppose to be perfect.

But it was all ruined because they didn't read the wind advisory warnings or tie down everything tight enough so that it would stay.

Tears quickly brimmed her eyes, turning back to look at Hanbin who still hadn't said anything or gave any type of reaction which worried her more.

"Binnie... I swear there was so much more. I wouldn't... I wouldn't do something as basic as this. I had everything planned and it was so pretty when I finished setting it up with Yunjin." The salty tears ran down to her mouth, causing her to involuntarily bring her hand up to rub at her eyes. Between sobs, she whispered underneath her breath," I had it all planned. I wanted it to be perfect for you because you've done so much me and I love you so much. I wanted to prove to show you that I love you just as much, if not more, as you do."

She kept rambling on and on how everything was ruined.

She would've jolted if not for the fact that his warm touch was comforting on her skin. His hands pulling her arms down so that her hands were off his face.

"Binnie... I'm so sorry. I understand if you don't want to get-"

Lips halted her mid-apology. Hanbin's cupping her cheek as he moved his lips against hers. He pushed in harder, encouraging her to join him which she did. Her arms wrapped around his neck, eyes fluttering close as their lips fought eagerly against each other.

"Don't finish that sentence." His lips connecting against hers before he pulled away to catch his breath," You know I'll always want you. I love you."

BONUS:

The group's instagram stories after Y/N and Hanbin made their relationship public.

(a/n: hello, this fic is heavily unedited so plz lmk if any part seems funky or sounds weird. i also slightly rushed the end so i apologize if it seems like that. thank you for reading. i love and appreciate you! <3)

#zerobaseone #zb1 #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone scenarios #zerobaseone fluff #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios #zb1 fluff #zb1 x reader #zb1 hanbin x reader #sung hanbin #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff

261 notes · View notes

9w1ft · 6 months

Note

Although all these days I struggled to understand the concept of LSK or if Kaylor really are together still etc, Hudson Valley really sealed the deal for me. For reasons best known to Kaylor themselves, they definitely have chosen to live their life the way they do. Aaron posting Taylor in Hudson Valley same time as Karlie raised enough eyebrows for their PR teams to kick in and start diverting everyone's attention to Travlor instead. Cue the dinner, tonight's concert, extra PDA, karma line change etc. I see the reoccurring patterns clearly now.

I can't help but feel sad though that this is how they choose to live and of course no pressure for them to pick otherwise but I do hope someday they will decide to drop this facade and openly be together. Love your work btw and it's from your posts that I really started to believe in LSK :)

thank you for this message! and yeah, i think if you stick around and look at the big picture it makes a lot of sense and then things like what you mention above just kind of stick out a little more when they happen. and they happen from time to time.

i understand what you mean by feeling sad, though if you will allow me to go on a tangent,

i think i would be inclined to feel more sad for their situation if they were just everyday women in love with each other but unable to express it solely because of social inequality related to sexuality. but when i think of their entire situation, i know there are more factors involved than just the particularity of who they love. being a celebrity, for example, puts an additional variable into their story that makes the idea of them coming out more complicated and potentially dangerous, and thus potentially less beneficial to them on a personal level. coming out won’t necessarily make things automatically better, because the eyes of the world are on them and a lot of them are hostile. and that’s an anxiety we might not understand. so i try to think about it like that, and place the goal not at a universal ideal but more at a local ideal, the goal of their love persisting and persevering against the odds. i still find a lot of meaningfulness there.

i think we might assume they must be unhappy in their situation, and i’m not saying they can’t be, but i think assuming they are unfulfilled creates a perception that these things they do are painful for them when it might not be the case. i say this because i feel that over the years they’ve been able to sort out and be honest about what they want and what they don’t want, and how to go about things in a way that doesn’t invite miscommunication. looking at taylor’s discography i think there were absolutely years and instances where they weren’t communicating their best, and that both got hurt for different reasons. but i get the strong sense from a growing collection of songs that they’ve put in the work to be on the same page and have found something that works for them.

i don’t want to dismiss anybody that sees them do things and is hurt by it. she basically invented the book on parasocial engineering and i still have my feelings about miss americana and how that clearly set people with expectations. but i think taylor was pretty clear with midnights that she’s doing her thing rn and shining bright. and that she doesn’t want people to mistaken her as a guiding light.

so i think at some point it’s up to each of us as individuals to assess what it is that we get out of it and if it’s worth the time for us or if there are better places to invest our time. i just think that’s going to be different for each person and that’s okay!

#if people are looking for others that are sticking around i think a lot of us on tumblr have found a balance!

64 notes · View notes

tamlinrose · 10 months

Text

My Personal Analysis of Aziraphale’s OFFICAL Playlist: A Journey

I have MANY opinions and interpretations of his playlist so bear with me. This playlist takes us through Aziraphale processing his feelings for Crowley in the context of his relationship with heaven and earth, and he ABSOLUTELY comes to a decision by the end of the playlist. I’ve already listened to this playlist like five times so here we go: (Crowleys May come later and I love his songs deeply but Aziraphales is the one who is really going on a journey with his music that we haven’t had a ton of insight into whereas I’m pretty sure everyone within a 100mile radius of Crowley knows he listens to Hozier and why lol)

What a Wonderful World

This song starts us off with insight into Aziraphales feelings about Earth. That makes sense, as he is the principality here and takes genuine joy in creation, the birds, music, food, and sensual pleasures. I think this was an intentional first song as it shows us Aziraphales core of love and intentions to fulfill his job as protector of earth, not just because of his duty as a principality but because it aligns with what he believes his purpose is as an Angel. The song ALSO speaks to his ability to feel love around him

“I see friends shaking hands/ saying’ how do you do? They’re really saying, I love you”

we know that Aziraphale can feel waves of love, and we also know a certain friend he has who probably gives off waves of love while having completely innocuous conversation. It’s pretty clear from the song that Aziraphale is aware of their bond being more than the words they’re saying to eachother, while also considering it just one of his reasons why this is a “wonderful world” I’d say this song is Pre-Armageddon’s during the “arrangement”

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

Oh boy, oh BOY this song. Translated, the main chorus is

“no I regret nothing/ not the good things that have happened/ Nor the bad, it’s all the same to me/ Because my Life, my joy/ today, it begins with you!”

I consider this a just barely post-Armageddon’t song. Aziraphale took stock of all he has to lose: his position in heaven (as tenuous as it was), his earthly comforts, possibly his life and makes a choice to save the world with Crowley for the sake of their relationship, which is a symbol for him of all that’s good in the world. After he’s made this choice and become a traitor to Heaven, he’s not sorry, he rejoices in his choice! Because choosing Crowley is choosing his moral values of protecting love on Earth, and he doesn’t regret relinquishing heaven, which doesn’t believe in that. This song is him celebrating choosing Crowley and the World

Earth Angel (Will you be Mine)

Now that Armageddon’t is out of the way, Aziraphale can actually process his feelings lol. Okay this is SUPER gay of me but because he associates Crowley with the World I think Aziraphale considers Crowley his Angel on Earth. Other than this song being a sappy af love song to Crowley, I also think it points out that although Aziraphale knows they have something more going on, he’s still hesitant to assume Crowleys feelings, and they are still not speaking openly about their connection. The song states

“I Hope And I pray/ that someday/ I’ll be the vision of your happiness”

I think this almost speaks to Aziraphale not seeing his affections as noticed or reciprocated quite yet, in my professional opinion because no one ever chose him in heaven so he can’t fathom it and has a bit of blinders on to the extent of Crowleys care for him.

Because of this I do NOT think they’re starting season 2 with openly acknowledged love. They’re still yearning hardcore

Fly Me to the Moon

More yearning post Armageddon’t lol, If I had a nickel for every time Crowley asked Aziraphale to run away with him to the stars and Aziraphale rejected him I’d have like, what, 20 cents? 25? Nevertheless Aziraphale is swept off his feet emotionally by the offers, although he’d never consider leaving Earth behind, because it’s the crux of his passion. Crowley does not understand his rejection wasn’t a RejectionTM just a notice that if they’re going to fall in love it should be in a place with tea and cakes and books, thank you very much.

“And let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars/ In other words/ Hold my hand”

Feelings

Yeah oh boy, I think this is after a big fight that they’ve been alluding to in the promos for season 2. Whatever it was about, this non-breakup breakup comes with some serious emotions for Aziraphale. Whether or not this comes before or after they’ve had any progress on admitting their feelings (I gotta sick feeling that the first acknowledgement they’re something more from one of them with no good resolution or chance for reciprocation will come out DURING the fight, which will really give them both something to chew on). This song is really just a classic break up song, but don’t lose hope! This is temporary.

“Feelings, like I’ve never lost you/ and feelings like I’ll never have you/ again in my life”

Angel Eyes

Wow, okay so this is definitely the anger/jealousy but still yearning post non-breakup breakup song. This song has more than the me quote that really pulls me, the entire narrative is being jealous and wanting to warn the “new girl” not to get to entranced by a man because he’s not what he seems, while still clearly being head over heels in love yourself. A key phrase:

“Look into his Angel eyes/ you’ll think you’re in paradise/ and one day you’ll find out he wears a disguise/ don’t look too deep in those Angel eyes”

In my professional opinion this song is a secret salty ode to Crowleys beautiful eyes, however the other lyrics make me think Crowley did something Aziraphale sees as a betrayal. Did he sell out Jim, join temporary truce with some demons to do it? Is that why Aziraphales lowkey jealous? Only July 21st can tell. Either way Aziraphale is PISSED (and still in love)

Feeling Good

Oh, OH Aziraphales feeling GOOD. They’ve made up in a BIG way (I would educated guess THIS is precisely the point in season 2 where if there was a kiss, we’d GET one)

Let’s just let the song say it:

“You know how I feel”

This song also emphasizes several earthly delights, birds flying high, sun in the sky, fish in the sea, blossom on a tree. Aziraphale is FINALLY experiencing the full combination of his love for Crowley and Earth in one, and it’s GOOD baby

Also:

“And this Old World/ Is a new world/ And a bold world/ For me”

Does this imply Aziraphale initiated???? I sure hope so

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

Okay shut up shut UP I love this song and it is so them it was already on my PERSONAL ineffable husbands playlist. Just listen to the lyrics:

The chorus:

“If Heaven and hell decide/ that they both are satisfied/ illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs/ if there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks/ then I’ll follow you into the dark”

Classic hurt/comfort fic territory. They’re finally together. All is acknowledged. Aziraphale is ready to make action and leap for Crowley. My guess? This is the big confrontation with Heaven and Hell this season, I’d say like we got A Crowley mourning Aziraphales discorporation last season, we’re in for a real doozy of a role reversal this one. I’m ready to cry, out of happiness and hurt

“She told me “son/ fear is the heart of love”/ so I never went back”

Oh, we’re getting into it now. Aziraphale sees and RENOUNCES the love he was taught in heaven, and replaces it with his own love. While he’s been gearing up for this all season, I think this is the moment he gives heaven a piece of his mind (not just Crowley in an Aziraphale suit)

“The Time for sleep is now/ but it’s nothing to cry about/ cause we’ll hold eachother soon”

Oh boy, again, I get the horrible scent of a mutually sacrificial action. I smell choosing some perceived sad and horrible (but not so horrible with eachothe) outcome, I smell my angry screams at @neil-gaiman in the climax of season 2

Spread a Little Happiness

The resolution of the perceived sad and horrible outcome. The PR team knows we’re out here psychoanalyzing this playlist, so this song is purposefully vague. It’s basically “we won’t say anything in particular but try to be optimistic” I see an unexpected MiracleTM consequence of the self sacrifice in the last song that turns the entire scene around, this is our last hurrah, the final moments of the final episode of season 2:

“Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky/ you mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry/ spread a little happiness as you go by/ please try”

There will be an unexpected twist, I’m hoping this means they’re saved/ restated in their bodies/ whatever bad thing just happened is undone, or maybe there isn’t and there’s a silver lining:

“I’ve got a creed for every need/ so easy that it must succeed/ I’ll set it down for you to read/ so please, take heed”

Do you sense God? I sense God. Not to say Aziraphale and Crowley are God’s favorite children, but maybe they are, maybe they are.

Finally, remember this playlist spells “INEFFABLE” something’s happening between Aziraphale and Crowley, and it’s already written out in the stars, we just haven’t seen it yet. But Aziraphale certainly is going to learn where his feelings stand with Crowley

#gomens #good omens season 1 #good omens season 2 #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable fandom #ineffable husbands #ineffable spouses #ineffable wives #good omens theories

73 notes · View notes

sonofthedunes · 9 months

Text

as promised, the first one-shot i’ve written for this blog! let me know what you think. minors dni, etc.

Set just after the end of The Empire Strikes Back.

who says you cannot hold the moon in your hand?

~~~~~~

He won’t tell you what happened, exactly. No one will. All you know is that the Princess and Governor Calrissian found him clinging for dear life to the antenna at the bottom of Cloud City: bruised, bleeding, soaked in sweat…and missing his right hand.

It had been promptly replaced, of course, on the Alliance’s medical frigate. An Antilles BioGen L-980, one of the finest cybernetics on the market, now occupies the end of his wrist. To the average observer it looks no different than his remaining flesh hand; it serves all the same functions as the appendage he’s lost, thanks to the implanted neurochip. But every time he gazes on it when he thinks you aren’t looking, flexes the fingers and frowns, you know he feels it. The phantom pain, the sense of “othering,” the clear demarcation of his life into before and after. You know of course that he’s still Luke Skywalker, the Rebellion hero and the man you love-but something in him has changed fundamentally since that rescue, and that cybernetic hand is a constant reminder.

You can’t magically heal his anger or sadness. You can’t force him to tell you everything he’s done since you parted on Hoth. If the Force is with the Rebellion, there will be plenty of time for that in the future. But what you can do is help him forget for a few precious hours. To remind him that he is loved, no matter what scars or wounds he bears.

And where better to start than the hand?

You begin very slowly, there in the privacy of his quarters: it seems the most natural thing in the galaxy to pick up his artificial hand and methodically kiss every fingertip. The palm follows the fingers, right over his lifeline. You kiss just hard enough to be felt, but softly enough to entice. Under your lips whirr machinery where once was bone and muscle, and the synth skin isn’t quite as warm as real flesh…but you find you don’t really care.

If Luke’s face is any indication, though, he certainly does. He watches your motions apprehensively, brows knit over those clear blue eyes. “You don’t have to do this,” he protests.

“But I want to,” you reply, already moving on to his wrist.

“Love…” he cuts himself off and sighs-partly out of frustration, partly because your lips are resting on the tattooing pulse of his forearm. “I just…I’d rather not think about it.”

“But you do. I know you do.” Pausing in your ministrations, you sit back on the bed and regard him thoughtfully-as thoughtfully as two people in their military undergarments (tank tops and briefs) can hold eye contact. “Luke, I promise you I’m not repulsed by your hand. Oh, it upset me at first, knowing how much pain you were in. But now it’s…just a hand.” You massage it gently. “It’s part of you. And I don’t pick and choose the parts I love.”

He sighs again, curling his cybernetic fingers around yours. “I know. And sometimes I almost believe it. But when I catch myself looking at it for too long, or my grip is too tight, it all comes flooding back.”

“…Will you ever tell me? How it happened, I mean?”

Luke’s eyes are trained on you, but in that moment he’s looking beyond you to somewhere dark. Cold. “Someday. But not now,” he murmurs. His left hand sweeps a few tendrils of hair from your face. “I don’t want to think about it now.”

You smile and lift his right hand to your lips again, a motion that causes pink to bloom in his cheeks. “Well, what do you want, Luke?” you ask, as if the desire wasn’t already swimming in your veins.

Swallowing in a dry throat, muscles tensing, he responds in a low voice: “I want to touch you.”

There’s another part to that request which remains unspoken, but you understand it nonetheless. Keeping a sure grip on the mechno-hand, you press it to your cheek. “Like this?” you inquire. He dips his chin in a nod.

Thus encouraged, you guide the hand from your face to your collarbone. “And this?” you prompt. Another nod, accompanied by a rather breathy “yes.”

And Maker, the shuddering exhale that leaves him when the synth flesh meets your clothed breast. “Is this all right?” you manage, voice wavering as he hesitantly squeezes.

Luke dispenses with words then, leaning forward and kissing you with a measured, smoldering hunger. You groan a little in surprise, pressing your mouth eagerly to his and throwing your arms around his toned shoulders. In doing so, of course, you let go of his cybernetic…and almost of its own accord, it wanders lower.

A feather light touch swipes across your underwear, and you break the kiss with a squeak. Two pairs of eyes blown to black meet, two pairs of lips slightly parted pant, and Luke jerks his hand away as if he’s been burned. “Sorry,” he mutters. “ ‘M sorry. I thought…”

You shake your head. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” you repeat, nuzzling him briefly. Flesh fingers find mechno, intertwine in reassurance.

His shoulders visibly relax. “Please, let me take care of you,” he entreats.

“With this hand?”

“Yeah. Wanna fuck you with it. Wanna watch you come on it,” he breathes, the faint blush now vivid twin firespots.

“Oh, starboy…” you coo, knowing how much effort those words demanded from him. “I want your beautiful fingers in me so, so much.”

It’s always a clumsy affair, wriggling out of standard-issue Alliance briefs (the least sexy garment in this or any galaxy). Yet you manage, and Luke can’t hold back a moan when you recline and part your legs to show him how wet you already are. “Fuck, is that all for me?” he says in wonder, crawling closer.

“Only for you,” you promise, taking his mechno-hand in yours once more. With patience and affection you clasp it for a heartbeat or two; then, at long last, you lead him to the valley of your cunt, the tips of his middle and index rubbing the dew before they slip inside.

This hand has never explored you before, but it knows just what to do. Those long thick fingers crook against your walls, caressing the warm gripping heat as they pump in a steady rhythm. You throw your head back on the pillow and whine, fire already building in your lower belly. “Yes, yes, darling boy, fuck me just like that,” you beg. “Oh Luke, I missed you.”

“Missed you too,” he groans, completely devoted to his task. He huffs your name, followed by a curse you think may be Huttese. “You’re so tight for me, fuck. Are you sure I’m not-“

“No! N-no, you’re fine.” Far from the cybernetics battering you, they apply just the right amount of pressure, of intensity. You lift your head then to look at him, your gorgeous boy, thrusting his fingers into your pussy with a furrowed brow and teeth set into his bottom lip. His flesh hand steadies him, his nostrils flare, a thin sheen of sweat glimmers. And-ah, there it is, his cock straining and leaving a damp stain on his own briefs. The very idea that this foreign intruder to his body is bringing you such pleasure shocks and arouses him all at once. He knows you mean it, these exclamations of joy, your eyes rolling back, your hips bucking to meet the busily working machine with truly obscene squelching noises. It’s not enough to fully eradicate the darkness preying on the edges of his mind, but it lights a tiny candle of hope. And he’s more than willing to accept it.

“Luke! Oh Luke, don’t stop,” you whimper as he twists his wrist, searching for that special spot.

He grins then, genuinely, for the first time in Force knows how long. “Is that good, baby?” he questions rhetorically.

“Ah-aah, you feel so…” Your caravan of thought derails as he locates the spongy patch high up in your secret place and deftly presses. Uttering a thin, pitchy cry, your back arches and your own hands grip the sheets. “Fuck! Oh Maker, oh…”

He grunts with the exertion and in satisfaction too, teeth gritted now, fully hard in his briefs like an overexcited teenager. “A-are you close?” he asks hoarsely.

“Uh-huh” is all you can manage as you rapidly ascend the dizzying heights, your world shrinking to the motion of his hand and the sound of his voice.

“Let go,” Luke urges, his order trembling beyond his control. Control is about to leave this room entirely. “Come for me, sweet girl. Soak my fuckin’ hand, I want to see it.”

And those words might have been sufficient on their own, but when he brings his thumb to your swollen clit and forms the tiny rapid-fire circles that never fail to light up every synapse…that’s it. You can’t hold out any longer, and with a choked sob you break, spiraling off into a void where no feeling exists but bliss, and no Galactic Empire can ever harm you.

You’re only faintly aware of Luke withdrawing his fingers as you sprawl across the mattress, heart pounding and breathing harsh. The sheets rustle as he lays himself next to you, a lightness in his face that hadn’t been there before. “Look,” he remarks, holding up his cybernetic for your inspection. Gleaming on the two fingers he’d just used, trickling down his wrist and forearm all the way to the bend of his elbow, your spend proves you heeded him well. A half-smile quirks one corner of his mouth. “So I guess you don’t mind it after all. My hand, I mean.”

Chuckling tiredly, you roll onto your side and kiss his cheek. “I told you! You just didn’t believe me,” you counter. “I love you, Luke-all of you.”

“And I love you, more than anything.” This time he seeks your mouth, and you happily surrender it. In the course of your kiss he shifts closer to you, craving the silk of your hair and the velvet of your bare arms-but accidentally brushes the bulge in his briefs against your thigh. A slightly pained “mmph!” vibrates through your teeth, and your lips curve amusedly.

“You want to me to take care of that?” you posit as the two of you slowly pull apart. “One good turn deserves another.”

Luke shakes his head as he flops onto his back, golden hair fanned against the pillow. “In a minute. I think we could both use a break.”

You follow him and settle your head on his chest, hand coming to rest over his strong, blessedly beating heart. “I think you’re right,” you agree quietly. Hell, the entire damn universe could use a break. And one day it would arrive-but until then, you think as your lover slings his arm over your back and pecks the crown of your scalp, already anticipating the pleasure to come, this isn’t so bad.

#luke skywalker #luke skywalker x reader #luke skywalker smut #c writes #god i haven’t published any writing in years i’m nervous af

62 notes · View notes

needfantasticstories · 1 month

Text

Summary: Wild and Twilight argue. More missed connections ensue.

(Constructive feedback is welcome!)

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 6: Wolf

Chapter Text

“Hands off it!” Wild tried to wrestle the slate away from Twilight as soon as the pair solidified.

“You’re not going back there!” Twilight lurched back, keeping it out of reach, and shoved it into his bag before Wild could stop him.

Wild lunged for the bag, but Twilight held it behind him. “Why do none of you trust me? I know what I’m do—”

“No, you don’t! How many more monsters are hiding in that lair that you don’t know about, Wild? What else is in there that you have never seen? The weirdo that took them isn’t from here either, so you have no idea what you’re walking into!

“I know the Yiga better than anyone! I know where they’re keeping them! We could have done more! What can we even report? That the Yiga have some big spiders now? That doesn’t tell us anything ! If you all would stop smothering me, we’d never have…” Wild dared not say the accusation on his tongue.

But Twilight understood it all the same, and his glare grew sharp. “Wild. We can’t afford to be reckless.” He delivered each word like a blow, hoping the kid finally got it through his head.

“You mean we shouldn't do things like run after shadow-infected lizalfos in a foreign era that none of us recognize? Like that, Twilight?” Wild spat, matching Twilight’s glare with his own. “Sometimes we have to take that chance, because it might never come back!” Wild turned away, pacing a few steps back and forth. He tried to close off the memories of his former companions, dressed in blue like him, and the young princess’s cold and doubting stare. “I know you all don’t see me as a hero like the rest of you. Trust me. I get it. I don’t have a Triforce, I failed my whole world, and I barely helped Zelda save this new one, but I can fix this , Twi. This is the one thing I know. This is my world, and if nothing else, I can find them here.”

“That’s…” And Twilight paused, choosing his words carefully, “I’ve never doubted your courage, Wild. That’s the problem. Look, we don’t know a damned thing about that other creep, and that shadow is still out there somewhere, doing Hylia knows what. This isn’t about you, or the Yiga, or me. I know I don’t always do right, but I know this now: a team can do more than one soldier. We’re all brave enough for whatever comes our way: I get it, I want to get in there too, but we can’t afford to lose you here, not when you’ve got to lead us.”

Wild could not believe what he was hearing. “Why don’t you , out of anyone, trust me?” Wolf was never this afraid!

Twilight threw his arms wide, exasperated. “It’s not about trust, Wild. You’re as good as any of us, but think about it! What if they caught you too?” he demanded, tone descending coldly.

Wild wanted to scream that this was ridiculous. “Twi, there are a million things that could happen! We can’t panic about that every time the Yiga show u—”

“Answer me!” Twilight roared, eyes terrifyingly sharp and bright. He closed his eyes and wiped his face. Taking a long breath, he tried again. “If they get you, how are we ever supposed to have a chance?"

Wild stopped pacing and looked incredulously at his friend.This was not Wolf yet. Twilight didn’t know his future influence in Wild’s era. He didn't know how someday he’d be trapped in his canine form to guide Wild as his memories slowly returned. Who knew how it would shape Twilight’s future if he found out? And now he had to somehow hide all that from everyone who knew Wolf. His wolf . His partner in reckless adventures too numerous to count. Was this really the wolf that would storm a moblin camp armed only with sharp teeth and Wild’s nearly-splintered bow, scrounging arrows from the monsters? Was this the wolf that would lead him to boko camps for fun simply because it wanted to play ? Who was this young man, so angry and afraid?

“I know you, Twilight, and you’d do everything you could to get me out.” Wild answered, punctuating his frustration with a furious wave. “You wouldn’t stop looking just because of some what-ifs. That’s not how we’ve survived.”

“And how do you expect us to do that? How would the rest of us start? We don’t even have maps yet. All we’ve got is one horse and two days without sleep, Wild, but only you have this.” Twilight shook the bag with the slate inside, still clutching it behind his back. “We wouldn’t be able to find you for weeks . None of us know your world like you do. You’ve got to lead us here, kid, not rush off on your own. Don’t make my mistake. That’s what chasing Shadow taught me, if nothing else.”

Wild sighed, and crossed his arms. Apparently that lesson didn’t last , Wild thought, missing his reckless, carefree canine friend. But he understood, at last, what Twilight was saying. They needed his maps. They needed his tools. Perhaps not his plans, but his slate and at the very least, his experience.

“I trust your strength, Wild. But we’re relying on you to be smart about it.”

It stung. But he was right. He needed to think like Warrior now, strategize. He’d never been in charge of anyone except himself. He was always the sword in battles—point him the way, and he’d fight. And he worked on instinct in the wilderness, alone (except for Wolf) for weeks at a time. And when Zelda came back, a divine miracle, Link and Wolf drifted, following her lead, trying to find their place in her wake. It was a pleasant year. Peaceful. Then the portal opened between one step and another, and no one here had seen his wolf since.

“Fine.” Wild answered at last, “What do you propose, then?”

“You show us how to get around, and we plan. Wars or Time or Four, they’ll figure something out fast.”

Of course .

“They’re probably close, and still waiting for our scouting report. We’ll make a plan together, Wild. And Zelda is down there too, right?”

Zelda!

I swore to keep her safe . Like a torch flaring to life, Wild had almost forgotten his purpose here—to protect the princess. How could he lead the other heroes and guarantee Zelda was safe?

“Fine. We’ll wait here and talk to Zelda. I mean Flora. She needs to know about Hyrule and Legend anyway.” Wild pulled out his glider, but stopped for a moment, considering. “She studies a lot of history, too. I can explain just how excited she is to meet you all, and interrogate you about your different eras, though she hasn't shared much with me yet. But there’s a chance she knows something about this demon that could help us.”

The ranch hand gave a single, small laugh. He recognized the same devotion he felt for Dusk. And from all he’d told them, Wild shared something with his Zelda most of them did not: the loss of their entire generation. The pair had little to cling to from their own time, a century ago, besides one another. Just thinking of all the rebuilding the two had ahead, compared to his own land, daunted Twilight. He was grateful he didn’t truly understand this level of ruin, based on the broken statues and toppled walls they’d passed in Faron. Rebuilding Dusk’s castletown from a failed attack by Gannondorf proved hard enough.

Wild had opened his glider. “I’ll meet you down there. But stay human!” He ordered, and he leapt, soaring down over the fence to land at the stable’s entrance.

Twilight rolled his eyes. Give a kid a little authority, suddenly he gives orders like a king. “Idiot,” Twilight grumbled with as much affection for the kid as frustration. He used his clawshot to descend quickly, and landed in the verdant valley.

Sheep lazily nibbled within the low wooden fence. A pair of cows huffed and sneezed, their coats heavy. Thin trees ringed the perimiter and kept the wind from overwhelming the stable’s canvas, breaking the gusts from small valleys nearby into gentler breezes.

It felt homely, welcoming, not so cold or stuffy as the palaces and city inns. With a yawn, Twilight jogged to reach the stable, rubbing his eyes, weak to the pull of sleep despite the afternoon sun. They hadn’t slept since leaving Time’s ranch in the dead of night over a day and a half ago, and the drag in his limbs grew harder to resist. Still, he shook himself and hurried to enter the stable, jumping over the little wood fence and ignoring the livestock with some effort.

Before he could reach the tent’s entrance, Wild’s agitated voice came from the stable owner’s booth, and Twilight rushed to his side. Another problem, already? Today was not their day.

Wild, clearly flustered, was pulling at his own ponytail, scowling as he spoke to a man in a booth. Clearly they’d been discussing something before he arrived. The Champion stopped to wave a hand Twilight’s way like an afterthought. “Padok, this is a friend of mine. Call him Twilight. Twilight, meet stablemaster Padok.”

“Oh! One of the friends Lady Purah mentioned would be coming?” The stablemaster’s arms were spread wide as he leaned over the counter, and he turned to peer over at Twilight. Padok was taller than Wild, but hunched and leaned as if to hide it. His side ponytails, bound in twine, reminded Twilight of the style Dawn preferred, albeit less elegant. A woolen cap, pointed at the top, covered his ears against the chill winds rustling behind them across the wild plains. The rest of Padok’s clothes fit cold weather too: long, thick leather gloves, a heavy white shirt, red handkerchief to warm his neck and a rustic blue vest with heavy leather stitching to insulate his core.

They were in for a cold night.

Wild might forgive him for taking his wolf form if it meant more blankets for the others.

“Pleasure,” Twilight waved at the man who stared back—-not at Twilight’s eyes, but at his forehead. Twilight’s irritation only grew as the man continued to stare, as if uncovering some puzzle.

He scowled. The man jerked his eyes back to Wild with a startle. But kept glancing between Wild and Twilight, apparently too afraid to ask the question on his mind.

“When did they leave?” Wild demanded, fiddling with the holster that usually held his slate.

“About an hour ago. They didn’t say where.”

“Did she leave a message? A note?” Wild asked.

“Not that she told me of.” He shrugged. “You seem awfully worried, Master Link. She’s safe with Purah, if anyone.”

Wild muttered, “Unless she’s tinkering with Sheikah explosives.” But he knew that wasn't the reason for his unease. What else did the demon know? What did it want? Wild just wanted to see Zelda, if only to assure himself she was safe, since the others had yet to arrive. Looking out at the unoccupied fields, he sighed. There were no shrines near enough to the path his brothers walked. They could either wait here, go on foot to meet the others, or…

Wild raised a brow at Twilight and held out his hand. “I need the slate. We need to make a quick side-trip.”

“Wild, we need to stay put. Lets wait for the others first.”

“I said we’d meet after scouting and after making sure Zelda is safe.” Wild nodded. “And it’s fast. I promise.”

“How quick?”

“We’ll be done before the others arrive.”

“Fine.”

“Don’t make me regret it.” He handed the slate back to Wild, and Wild made a show out of scrolling away from the canyon and to a new location—a small tower with what might have been a windmill on top.

Wild reached for Twilight’s hand. With a shudder at the odd tingling to come, the Ordonian eyed the slate and reluctantly obliged.

They appeared just outside the door of a tall, quaint cottage.

Oh . Twilight thought, looking closer. A quaint cottage with a giant machine sprawled over the top.

And a stone frog over the door.

A stone frog with red glasses.

And a forge with bluenfire.

And a red Sheikah eye on the door.

Perhaps quaint was an understatement.

They knocked, but no one answered.

Wild opened the door to an empty cottage.

“Symin? Purah? Zelda?”

No one answered.

“I don’t like this.” Wild signaled Twilight to follow. Wild put a hand up abruptly.

“What is it?” Twilight grumbled as he stood awkwardly in the doorway.

“Wait...” Wild strode to a wall and pulled a picture off, laying it face down and covering it with a stack of papers. “There. Come on in. Symin at least should be here, but—”

“What was that, Wild?” Twilight stared at the papers Wild had thrown over the mysterious picture.

“Just…something private.”

“You mean embarrassing private, or—” Twilight stepped closer, wondering if this was another clue to the mysterious silk clothing Wild had blushed about a few weeks ago.

“No, it’s an I don’t want to break a timelineprivate.” Wild gave him a dead-cold stare and Twilight knew he meant it. A bit taken aback, Twilight offered a short hum to acknowledge he understood, and avoided the desk entirely as he looked around the chaotic laboratory, despite how his fingers itched to grab the papers away.

“Does Flora come here often?” he asked, purely to distract himself from the tantalizing stack of papers.

“She does, yeah. And Kakariko. But she has plans to build her own place to pursue her own interest. She loves old cultures, not just the Sheikah but all the old civilizations. The less she knows about one, the more interested she is.”

“Do you tell her much about us?”

Wild smiled and showed the inventory on his slate.

“Nine hundred ninety-nine books? How can you even fit that many… you know what, nevermind. Aren’t you worried about breaking the timeline?”

“Not for us. They’re mostly Four and Sky’s old school books. From what I can tell, we’re so far down the timeline that we already have a lot of these legends. Got a few strange ones from Wars though. But if one person can handle this knowledge, it’s her. Besides my weapons, the rest is seeds, spices, some preserves from Malon, and the black blood samples. I don’t have much else, except a few pictures of your eras. I wish I could get one of all your Zeldas.”

“And you’re worried about the timeline?”

“I’m worried about your timelines, not mine. To this era, you’ve already happened, so I don’t think we’ll be changing anything. Though Four insisted on the blacksmithing books.”

Twilight considered that. What could they learn here that would affect their lives, their futures? Would it change them? Would they cause their own futures to alter now that they’d come? But hadn’t that already happened, if it happened now?

Wild looked around the too-quiet lab. “Where is everyone?”

“Wild, we really don’t have time to wait. Let's get back to the stable.”

With a sigh, Wild tapped the slate and they left the lab behind.

A stream of blue light appeared. Two women appeared outside the door.

“Impa was right! You haven’t slept since they arrived! Don’t worry, Princess. I’ll get them all settled. You’re as bad as Link, you know that? He’s not going anywhere, and you need rest! Go on upstairs. I’ll come back for you soon!” the bespeckled, teenage-looking centenarian ordered and closed the door.

Zelda gave an undignified grumble. This was the last place she wanted to be, but there was no arguing with Purah and Impa when they agreed on something.

She started for the stairs, admitting that perhaps she was a little tired, when she noticed the picture missing from the wall. Confusion wrinkled her brow, and she found the bowed stack of papers, and lifted the picture. Link, herself, Purah all smiled back at her while Wolf’s tongue lolled happily. It had been taken before Link...no...before Wild left. Why had it been turned facedown on the table?

“Purah!” Zelda threw the door open in time to see the researcher press a button on her pad with a dramatic tilt of her wrist, leaving Flora alone at the lab. “Wait!”

But the girl was gone.

#linked universe #linked universe fanfic #lu wild #lu twilight #skipwrites #blood and blade #lu flora #purah cameo

14 notes · View notes

sweetqueerinthesummer · 7 months

Text

The Archer

The Archer was one of the first songs I wanted to take a deep dive into when I thought about analyzing Taylor’s work, so here we are. Here I’ll focus on the interpretation of the song as being about the closet, it’s not the only understanding there is, but it’s what makes it so so beautiful to me. Handle with care, we are about to get emotional.

And obviously, this is an analysis but I’m not in Taylor’s head, so even if I affirm something I can’t know for sure what she meant when she wrote those words.

Combat, I’m ready for combat I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

I think this was written before she discussed the idea of coming out with anyone, or at least it reflects on that time. She knows that it will be hard, and she pretended for a long time that she doesn’t need it, that she’s okay in the closet, but she’s not. She wants to be her true self, and even if she pretends it doesn’t matter, she always comes back to the hope that she could someday come out.

She has changed the line in at least some live version of the songs (including the live from Paris), where she says “Combats” (plural), which I would understand as a reflect of her realization, since she failed to come out, that it’s not something that can be done once and be accepted forever (I’ll come back to this idea when I’ll talk about evermore, but the line “is there a line i could just go cross” is also about that in my opinion).

‘Cause cruelty wins in the movies

She saw people suffering from being out so many times, it led her to believe that she didn’t want to be, but she now realizes that she does and of course she is afraid.

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

She doesn’t know the right way to come out, and her anxiety makes her rethink every word she might have written about it.

Easy they come, easy they go

She knows how fast the public opinion can turn its back on her, and that’s what she fears if she comes out, that she would lose her fans, and that everything that she has worked for would be lost because of who she is.

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

Trains have often symbolized love in Taylor’s music, and more specifically, she almost exclusively uses them to signify relationships that don’t work out (Sad Beautiful Tragic, New Romantics, willow, champagne problems…), which leads me to believe that she’s talking about leaving her (ex-)girlfriends to keep her career safe.

I never grew up, it's getting so old

She might have had this debate for long, and feel like she isn’t evolving on the matter. It might also be about the way some people consider the closet to be a temporary state, that changes as soon as you have the ability to be out, which could make her feel like she is perpetually stagnating and can't fully grow.

Help me hold onto you

This can be understood as being directed both to her lover or her public, but anyway, she fears people will leave her when they learn about her queerness.

(Btw, this would be my answer to the way some people react by saying “it doesn’t matter if she’s queer”, if we’re right about that, it does matter a whole lot to her and she seems so afraid of the way we all would react, that saying we see her and that we’re still here does actually matter.)

I've been the archer I've been the prey

She is the archer, the one in control, she is perpetually trying to get people to listen to her music, and she’s good at it, she’s a mastermind. But she’s also the fox in I Know Places, her private life is always hunted and if she ever came out, she would be the target of bigots who would see her as a threat. She made herself both the archer and the prey by choosing this career.

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

She knows that she has fans, that people love her, that she is (and already was when the song came out) one of (if not the) most influential artists of her generation. But what would last if she lived her truth? What would happen once she shared her most dangerous secret?

Dark side, I search for your dark side But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?

She’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop, to find out that her public will leave her, but she thinks that she’s the one who would lead us to the dark side. By lying about herself, I think she might feel like she’s the dark side of her relationship with her fans.

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face Then I hate my reflection for years and years

She changes the way she appears, and then hates herself for it. She hates that she is stuck in the closet and the way everyone perceive her because of it.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost The room is on fire, invisible smoke

She is panicking but no one sees it, no one understands what she feels, and no one believes that the danger is here because no one can feel it like she does.

And all of my heroes die all alone

This could be a reference to the way gay people were often believed to be single when they died because no one understood who they really were, but it could also be about the way so many queer historical figures had tragic endings.

Help me hold onto you I've been the archer, I've been the prey Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

‘Cause they see right through me They see right through me They see right through Can you see right through me? They see right through They see right through me I see right through me I see right through me

She is so used to people not seeing her, not listening to her, that she feels like she doesn’t even see herself anymore. Maybe she sometimes catch herself forgetting who the real her is, lost behind the public figure.

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men Couldn’t put me together again

She has separated herself in so many parts between her public and private life, that no one would be able to see her as a whole, even herself, she is lost between too many masks.

‘Cause all of my enemies started out friends

She is making enemies out of her friends because she is never truly honest, and therefore they can’t “put her together again” since they don’t know her whole truth.

Help me hold onto you I've been the archer I've been the prey Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay? (I see right through me, I see right through me) Who could stay? Who could stay? Who could stay?

You could stay You could stay Combat, I'm ready for combat

Even through the anxiety, she still wants to do it, she finds it in herself to overcome the fear and believe in her fans and her loved ones. She showed a part of her mind, she shared this anxiety, but what comes out of it is that she can’t stay in the closet. This is what makes this song so tragic, if I'm interpreting it right; she wanted to come out so badly, but she wasn’t able to, and now all that is left from that time is her anxiety.

EDIT: I wrote an analysis of evermore, it's a continuation of what I said here.

#gaylor #friends of dorothea #lgbetty #taylor swift #the archer #failed coming out theory

29 notes · View notes

deadprompts · 6 months

Text

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳 𝚂𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝟼 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂.

content warning applies. change any pronouns / wording if necessary.

my people have guns. yours don't.

we're still here.

i can’t watch more names go up on that wall.

hell, they're all gonna be doing that.

i do not appreciate you killing my men.

they made a lot of demands, even more threats.

i know that is a mighty, big, nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you most certainly will!

this is the next world.

that’s a stupid name.

confrontation's never been something we've had trouble with.

it happened and now it's done.

you want to live, you take chances.

i'm not pissing off a pregnant lady.

the world is trying to die.

the people around you dying, that's the hard part.

the only thing that keeps you from being a monster is killing.

i want to show you the new world.

if you have to eat shit, best not to nibble.

your dad was an asshole.

things can get better. we can make them better.

this is what life looks like now.

doing this will start us down a road where nothing matters.

we're gonna give it to them.

we don't leave anyone behind.

you got one of our guns.

we all have a job to do.

we can't turn back because we're afraid.

look, i get it, my dad killed your dad.

do you have any idea who you are talking to?

someday this pain will be useful to you.

this is your way of life now.

shit’s continually been hitting the fan.

you work for me now.

i like you people.

you keep choosing this life, you will die.

you don't really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished, now did you?

things aren’t as simple as four words.

you are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes.

you’re a survivor. you always were.

you can cry.

it’s dangerous, you should change it.

but are you gonna live through it?

and what do you get in return?

i don't take chances anymore.

somebody like that they're gonna die no matter what.

most of the people here don't even know how to fight, even if we had ammo.

we got here together, and we’re still here.

you see? i have leverage.

you still got family and you still got a home.

these dicks just got a good story.

i find this whole conversation pretty funny.

your world’s about to get a whole lot bigger.

trust us.

i wanted to kill him.

there is no right; there's just the wrong that doesn't pull you down.

i will not allow you to kill me. i will not allow that.

we need food. you have it. we're willing to work for it.

sucks, don't it? moment you realize you don't know shit.

we have to come for them before they come for us.

i fully respect the hair game.

then i'll get supplies for your people.

i'm going like i should have.

we keep going for them.

i like the way you call bullshit.

ya'll don't think you're being stupid right now?

you're some kind of stupid, getting knocked up at a time like this.

shit kid. lighten up.

i'm gonna beat the holy hell outta one of you.

i don't wanna kill you people.

we're going to have to fight.

be kind to each other.

y'all are worse than a bunch of evangelical second graders.

i am not like you.

i still think i got some of his brains in my ear.

we don't need to leave breadcrumbs.

dibs is dibs.

when they come for us, we’ll end it. the whole thing.

this was supposed to be a dress rehearsal.

i trust you.

you're one of the most important people in the world to me.

good luck, dumbass.

you wanna make today your last day on earth?

you point a gun at me, and i’m the asshole?

people you love, they made you who you are.

we pissin' our pants yet?

i'm not planning to die today.

you're the one who's afraid to die. and you're going to. you will die.

you go or you stay. those are your choices.

i know this sounds insane, but this is an insane world.

you need to know things aren't as simple as they might seem.

i have come to believe, all life is precious.

they're all your people.

you're smarter than that.

walkers, people, anything that gets anywhere near me, i kill them.

jesus! you look fucking shitty!

listen, i'm a little nervous here.

are you going to kill me?

which one of you pricks is the leader?

things moved slow here, and then things just started moving fast, too fast.

don't come after me, please.

you thought you were safe. i get it.

you live with it or it eats you up.

you can breathe.

did you take one of my protein bars?

#prompts #twd #rp prompts #rp sentence meme #rp sentence starters #rp meme #sentence starters #inbox meme #the walking dead rp meme #twd rp meme #apocalypse rp meme #apocalypse sentence starters #apocalypse rp #tlou rp meme #inbox prompts #deadprompts prompt

27 notes · View notes

elecilaombre · 1 year

Text

To learn normal from abnormal : Tim is losing his grip on reality and keep letting himself talk aloud about stuff that are normal, right ? Aren’t they bonding ?

“Falling asleep is exactly like some scenes in horror movies. It’s laying down, alone, in a dark room, trying to control your breath, to not be too loud, to fall asleep before something happens. To hear your heartbeat, beating like crazy, pumping as hard as it can, to hear it in your ear, to feel it in your stomach, see it in the corner of your eyeball. It’s hoping it will be fast and trying to ignore all the adrenalin in your veins, the tension in all your muscles. Hoping it will be done quickly because it’s so terrifying.”

Everybody fell silent. Tim had said that without even looking up from his files, like if it was a trivial fact. As if it was normal.

“The fuck replacement ?”

The young man hummed in response, not even paying attention. His eyes were highlighted by dark rings. They seemed at their place on his face. They suddenly made sense.

“Sometimes I don’t know who is talking. Usually I choose who can speak for ourselves. But someday, when we think about it, even if it’s mid-sentences, sometimes we don’t know which one is in control. It’s like in “ And then there were none”, when they all look at each other, the ten only persons on the island, but still someone else’s, an eleven seem to be somewhere, tricking them. It’s exactly that. We ask each other, ‘if it ain’t you either or the others… Who is it?’. It stresses us that sometimes we don’t always notice this other one.”

Cassandra looked weirdly at her brother. She might not know everything, but she knows for sure that those informations are unusual. There shouldn’t be a ‘us’ in her brother, just a singular person, him.

But she doesn’t have time to process all of it, to ask anything, Tim is already onto another subject.

“ They don’t love me, god they don’t even like me. I shouldn’t be living with them. I’m just a stranger here, an odd error. I’m pretty sure I can hear them talk about me in my back all the time. I keep disappointing them, they told me so many times. And I can’t even imagine what horrible things they might say about me behind my back. How much I might disgust them. I’m still not sure if I just shouldn’t run away, disappear from their lives. It would be so much better for them… …. … … Sure Kon, I can sleep at your place if it can reassure you, I’m making my bag and telling Alfred then you can pick me up…”

Damian is in the corridor, listening to Drake, baffled by all the lies he is currently saying to his boyfriend. Since when the Waynes had been trash talking to him ? It’s very unlikely, even Damian wouldn’t do it, so the other couldn’t. They all hold so much respect for the third Robin, for their greatest detective. Maybe they should tell him more often. Because Drake shouldn’t believe those things. For a detective, he could be kind of dense sometimes.

“I feel so empty you know, like if I had been bleeding myself all over the place and there’s just not anymore me left in this body. It’s weird, like if I was just reduced to being an automat, to faking all my action, my emotion. It’s not me, it’s not someone. It’s just reminiscent of what I used to be. There are days when I can put some mask on and they will stick. I will be someone for one day, until the mask slips and there’s nobody actually behind it. And there’s days where none of the masks want to stick, so I have to walk around with everybody seeing how empty I am. Somehow, I prefer the fake facade rather than the second option. Sadly, I don’t have any control over it. I wish so hard to be able to fill this nothing, anything could do the trick, I don’t care. But it won’t work, nothing is enough to fill this emptiness in me. So I just kept being my automatic self. You know, like everyone does…”

Nobody does that. Jason wants to tell him it’s not normal, no one feels like that. But how to turn it without sounding mean. Without triggering Tim who for once said something personal to Jason. That is so wrong, so wrong, he will need to get to the end of this subject. How sad is it to know he isn’t even 20 but already so broken ?

“ You know what is funny ? I can’t even recognize myself in a mirror. Somewhere deep inside my brain we know it’s me, Tim’s face we are seeing. But we also know we don’t remember it looking like that. It seems odd, out of character. Since when our eyes look like that. Do we really have such a tiny waist ? We’re sure we don’t have beauty marks here on our lips… But it is our lips… Like if it’s me, Tim, but in other hands, it's more like a mockery of it, wrong everywhere but kind of close to its original. And each time it’s the same thing, yesterday my eyes seemed too tiny, today too big, tomorrow the right size but wrong color. Never good enough, never alright. I’m tired of being so wrong. it’s us but it’s not us.”

Dick is trying his very best to make his tie look good, next to Tim in the mirror, looking at his younger brother worriedly. Tim looks like Tim for him, a tired version of Tim but that’s his normal with their lifestyle. Nothing seems wrong in his face, or abnormal. But those thoughts are raising so many red flags in Dick’s head. Maybe he should spend a little more time with the other boy, make sure he is alright or if there’s other things that don't sound right.

“ I’m never truly hungry. If I wait enough, hunger goes quickly away and most of the time it turns out I was just bored. So I never know if I should eat or miss it. When was the last time I ate a real meal ? Do I deserve to eat ? Do I really need to ? I used to be fat when I was younger. My parents hated it, hated me, hated my body. They found me disgusting. Now that I’m thinner, I kept wondering if I should eat or not, if it will make me fat to eat now or if it would kill me to miss it. And each time I guess, I always guess wrong. It’s exhausting, you have no idea, I hope it doesn’t do that to you very often.”

Duke didn’t know what to answer. They were eating take-out on a rooftop. And now he was worried Tim was developing or had already developed an eating disorder. He should try to do some research about it, and watch Tim more closely. Even if he already had guessed his relation with food was messed up, it didn’t feel good to be right. So, not knowing how to answer, Duke just offered the rest of his part to Tim.

“ It’s so selfish of me to stay alive. I’m not useful. I’m easily forgettable and replaceable.”

“ Do you remember what I'd just say ? Because I don’t. Most of the time, I have no clue what I’m saying. There are words coming out of my mouth, sentences I thought of, but nothing that my brain did proceed. It sometimes feels like it’s not me who said that ? If I don’t remember things happening ? If I don’t remember being there … Having said those things ? Can I be held accountable for it ? Because, to me, it’s just like it didn’t happen. Words seem to flow from my mouth, but without being asked to, without my permission. Sometimes I even wonder if I say things that I actually think or if it’s just coming from nowhere. It’s not me who’s talking and … Excuse me, what was I saying ?”

Stephanie tried to not show on her features the fear burning inside of her. That was wrong. Since when Tim had lost himself that much ? Did he even register that he confessed that to her ? Does he even mean everything he can tell them ? Are they losing him ?

“ I feel so alone. Even when I’m surrounded by all of them, even when people talk to me, I feel alone. Alone because people don’t really know me and don’t want to know me. Alone because in the end, I’m not even there and it doesn’t matter. I could not be here and nobody would notice ! I’m a ghost. Nobody listened to me, I kept getting ignored. Nobody looks my way anymore. I’m decaying in front of the whole world,, but nobody notices, nobody is truly close to me. Some part of me wants to disappear discreetly, to make my point : nobody will notice I’m not there because it doesn't matter. On the other hand, I’m so afraid to disappear without anybody noticing, nobody to mourn me, as if I never even existed. If nobody noticed me alive or dead, did I even exist ? Or was I truly just a shadow ?”

Bruce swallows dryly, hidden in the corridor, listening to Tim behind his half open door. The young man is talking sadly, while pacing back and forth in his room. His phone is on speaker, abandoned on his bed and the person on the other end of the line just hums a little “ Whatever Timothy”, proving his point. Nobody seems to listen to him truly. Bruce believes Tim's eyes start to shine in the dimly lit room, shine from unshed tears trying to free themselves. Tim is right, realize Bruce, closing soundlessly the door, incapable of facing his son, he does be alone in this world.

“Sometimes, I phase out. I’m not here, but my body is still there. It’s like I’d gone hide myself in some corner of my brain. And so, given that I’m absent, nothing happens. And no, it’s not sleeping because I’m aware of everything, I’m awake. Just not there. Just rejecting everything. And those absences are physically exhausting. It means staying in the same place and exact same position, muscles all tightly stretched. I think One day I just won't come back to front and stay to putrefy inside my own head. I hope nobody finds my very alive and decaying corpse. It’s better if I disappear in the woods without one word.”

He whispered his thoughts silently. With a bit of sadness piercing through his voice, just a little dot. Barbara wanted to hug him tightly, to beg him to stay with her. But he was on the other side of the city on patrol and she shouldn’t have hacked on his com. Now she had the crushing guilt of knowing Tim needed help and knowing she would never acknowledge her hearing his private thoughts. Maybe it would had been easier if she hadn’t heard him at all.

“ Do you truly know Timothy ? Because I sure don't. We are all different personalities and we take charge of the exchange given who is in front of us and what they expect. I’m Tim the little brother but I’m also Tim the older brother. I’m Tim the perfect student and Tim that follow no rule? I’m Robin, no not anymore I’m Red Robin. I’m a well known vigilante. I’m Timothy Jackson Drake, the heir, the CEO of Wayne Industry. I’m Tim Drake. I’m whoever they need me to be. I’m polite to her but not to him. I’m so calculated but too impulsive. I’m cold but too much on the other side of the spectrum. Switch switch switch. I’m broken. The masks won’t stick anymore and now we have been discovered, us, the Tims. We ain’t truly one, we are just working in concordance. It’s like a ballet, one touch of anger, then passive aggressive and final on the exhausted Tim. Each one try to work hand in hand to make the best approximation of a real functional human.”

Alfred stopped next to the young man. He had pushed Tim outside in the garden to keep him company while he was gardening. What was all that talk about switching. He knows Tim, he is the young boy who imposed himself as Robin, whom he considered as his grandson. He didn’t know this odd young man seated across from him, talking about personalities. Maybe his work, both at day and at night, might finally get to him. He must be exhausted once more. Alfred looked at him, studied him. Tim was entranced by his own hands. He seemed so lost. Alfred would forbid him to work tonight and make him go to bed early. That should fix it, right ?

“ If I only exist through pain and medications, what is the point of keeping the facade up ? No one want to be around me, I’m unsupportable. I can’t keep saying, Im’ fine, I’m ok, while yellling inside that I want to dissapear. Do they realise the sacrifice it is to stay by their side. Sure it’s easier for them, easier to have me alive, even though I don’t exist in their world, to know I existe somewhere. But I’m tired. It’s been 4 years takings pills, seeing professional… why do I still have no answer ? Why I still feel like I shouldn’t be here ? I’m quite sure I belong inside a casket, or even a box, hidden from everyone sight. I kept dropping, breaking over trivial things. My world resumed by other’s world. I’m not the main character, I just live in the background. Worst is knowing that I’m fake in every part of me. I tried so hard to be someone, that I ended up being nothing, a big pretty liar. But nobody see that, no one want to see it. I’m gonna dissapear. That is all I want. Everything had ad always been so heavy, so hard for me. I’m tired of faking it, of being ok, of being pushed away. I just want to dissapear the same way I lived, discreetly and whitout noise. To be gone is what I truly wish, what I truly aspire.”

Ra’s took a shaking breath. The Detective, His Detective, was showing signs that were alarming. Maybe he needed to step in and take Tim with him. His so-called family was clearly failing him. If not he would never have said any of this shit even less to Ra’s who is his enemy. Shouldn’t he confess to his close friends or even family ? Ra’s tried to catch his arm, and Tim stayed still. He couldn’t. He couldn’t take the young man with him like that, just kidnap him. He needed to prepare for him and for the opposition he would encounter from the vigilantes. So he left with regret filling his head. He would be back.

“ I want to matter,” cry Timothy, eyes unseeing, deversing tears, hot burning tears. “ I want to matter. I want to be noticed. I want to be loved. I want to be held. I want to be seen. I want ! I want to exist, damn” he murmurs. “ Please, don’t forget me. Don’t let me disappear in indifference. Please… I want to … I want to exist” he ended up sobbing. Nobody hears his pleas, nobody sees him drop to his knees, clutching his chest in a mock embrace, rocking himself back and forth while he cries and sobs in despair. Does he even know what he is saying ? Has he slept recently ? Has he eaten in the last two days ? Is he in control today ?

The mask won’t stick anymore. Nobody has confronted him even though he kept talking about everything that felt wrong. He doesn’t know how to ask for help anymore ? He tried, he talked over and over. Maybe it was just normal stuff. Maybe he was making a big fuss about nothing. Maybe everybody felt that way. They must have wondered why he was whining so much then. Yeah that must have been what was happening. He was a bother once again. He kept making remarks that were obvious. He was so dumb.

He was shaking. That was going to be it. Tim was at his point of no return. He had hit rock bottom. All those weeks talking to everybody, trying to open up, only to pass for an idiot. He was so dumb. That was gonna be it. It might be normal to feel like that. He might have bothered them with his little identity crisis, with his silly story that everybody had to live through. Except he couldn’t anymore. He couldn’t put on anymore mask, feel himself, his selves, slip through his fingers. He couldn’t be afraid of sleep, of staying awake, of eating, of starving. He couldn’t let himself be a nuisance for others, no more. He was done. He had tried his hardest but sometimes even the simpler thing could be too much for the weakest soldier.

Maybe someone would care after it ? Maybe he might be mourn ? Maybe Batman could have better vigilante. Maybe Dick could focus on his only younger brother fully. Maybe Jason will forgive him. Maybe Alfred wouldn't have to care about him. Maybe Kon could be happy with Cass and find happiness in the arms of his old crush. Maybe Stephanie would finally be less awkward when hearing his name. Duke could easily take his place and be more integrated in the family. Maybe Ra’s will let him go. So many maybe, an absence of answer. He was hopeful they always managed to land on their feet.

His hands were still shaking. He still managed to take all the meds. Over the last four year he managed to stock up on prescription drugs, quite a lot actually, unfinished tabs, started treatments then abruptly stopped leaving vials full or half full of meds.

For Tim it didn’t matter which one was going in. He just started taking pill after pill, emptying the vials, and going through another. He started feeling a little out of it after his third different medicine. He kept going at it, until he had to sit against the couch cause it was moving too much around him. Then he just opened the bottle and let the little pills roll on his coffee table, eating them like candy.

He never felt himself go.

After everything, when all ended, it would haunt all and each one of them. They knew.

If you read if all, thank you. I hope you liked it. This one is dear to me because it has an odd way of narrating that I love.

All those thoughts your just read are mine, so don’t read too much about it from a canon perspective. It's therapeutical for me to put my abnormal thoughts on some type of media. If you ever had those thoughts, please seek help, or even message me. Those are not normal or insignificant.

I wanted someone to help Tim, but I'm better at sad ending.

Please forgive me my broken english, I’m actually french and writing in another language is challenging. Please give me your thought, I will greatly appreciate it.

66 notes · View notes

nnight-dances · 2 years

Text

DREAMLESS NIGHTS

pairings: xiao x gn!reader

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: mentions of death, sad thoughts i guess

summary: xiao can't believe you think he's uncomfortable around me. but then again, actions speak louder than words.

requested by @the-dendro-archon. i hope you like this! apologies for how long it took me to write this.

your relationship with xiao is a complicated one. you wouldn’t say the two of you were dating because that just seems like a concept so wrong to impose on xiao, but you’d shared some meaningful moments together. slowly, xiao had become less and less on-guard around you. it took years of consistent showing up for him to understand you aren’t going to leave without a fight, and honestly, at this point, xiao couldn’t deny how he’d always look forward to spending time with you.

still, everything with xiao is complicated. it’s a long and sometimes, lonely road to xiao’s heart but he realizes this more than you can understand. he realizes this as he sees you purse your lips, clearly hiding something from him. because a relationship works both ways, xiao had come to care for you deeply, deeply enough that he’d read your expressions more and more accurately.

“is... is everything okay?” xiao’s voice falls on deaf ears and when you leave him staring at your silent figure for over a minute, he repeats, “y/n?”

you shift, blinking with a start, “sorry, i zoned out,” your voice sounds hoarse and you deflate more, hands smoothing out your hair. xiao follows your hands as they run through your strands and come to rest in your lap, clutching each other tightly.

“something’s wrong,” xiao starts carefully, gauging your reaction to his words, “will you be okay?”

that was xiao’s way of asking you, do you want to talk about it? it was his silent encouragement to tell him what was wrong, if you wanted to. “will you be okay? do you need me?” he’s asking.

you release a sigh and xiao can tell it’s not one of relief, more of restraint, and a part of him aches at having to see you hold yourself in so much, as if you were afraid of him. almost too suddenly, xiao is pressed to your side, arm hesitant to come around your shoulders, gently pushing you back into his chest.

maybe it’s the way xiao touches you without you asking him to or maybe it’s just the feeling of being held after everything, but you finally break, vision blurry as tears roll down your cheeks uncontrolled. you curl into xiao, hands finding each other around him, and you mumble, “h-he’s gone.”

at first, it’s just above a whisper, but saying it loud, you feel the loss deep in your bones, crying with even more force, chanting the statement over and over like a prayer. xiao’s arms are coiled tight around you, lips pressed in a thin line.

he doesn’t say anything, letting you choose when you want to speak. you pull away, tears still pooling at the bottom of your lashes, “you remember my brother?” your voice breaks mid-sentence and xiao pulls you back to his chest, hugging your head, heart in his mouth when he understands what you mean.

“he-he drowned,” your voice is small this time, another weak sob escaping your lungs, “he fucking drowned.”

xiao holds you like that for hours, not letting go long after you’ve stopped crying and you clutch onto his body tightly, partly because you don’t want to feel this empty any longer and partly because you don’t want to know what happens next.

he pulls away eventually, and you look up into his eyes with dread. you know skinship doesn’t sit well with xiao and that his skin is probably crawling from having been so close to you... so why do his eyes shine with concern rather than disgust when you look at him?

“death is unfair and so cruel. i’m sorry you’ve had to contend with it so soon in your life, but you have to meet it someday. i... i will not claim to understand your feelings entirely, but, i’ve lost many, too. it’s emptying,” xiao’s eyes fall to your hands and he silently takes them into his own, and your thoughts derail momentarily when he leans down to press a kiss to the back of your hand. “and you should keep yourself around those who you love who are still here for you.”

you nod, a few stray tears escaping you at his words. “can i sleep here tonight?”

xiao stills, hands stiffening, “you— if it’s a matter of walking back to liyue, i can take you.”

“no, i want to be with you.”

it’s when xiao is silent that you fear you’ve crossed a line. “ah, but, if you prefer to be left alone, i can just—”

“no,” his hands squeeze yours with conviction, “stay. please.”

and you feel just a little less empty as you lay down next to xiao that night, his hand resting against yours like a promise. you drift away quickly and xiao spends a few hours gazing at your moonlit figure, his love for you blinding him to everything else.

not everything though, because when xiao himself slips into slumber, he’s met with nothing but death itself. terrible images flare up behind his eyes, dark figures looming around. and xiao would meet them with indifference out of familiarity, until he sees you in his nightmare. your forlorn body crying out, writhing in pain, but he’s tied up himself, karmic debt all too cruel to let him die with you.

he wakes up with a scream torn out of his chest, throat sore as if he’s been screaming for eons now. he pants as he looks around the room, hands flailing around in his sheets for any signs of you.

you’re right there, stirring awake and sitting up quickly, when you notice the panicked state xiao’s in. instantly you find him, a steadying hand on his ellbow as you softly call out his name, “xiao, my love.”

it’s your voice that truly placates xiao’s fears, the feeling of your warm hand on him rushing in next. he lets out a sound halfway between a growl and a choke, “y/n, are you hurt?”

“no, i’m just all right, love, what’s wrong?” xiao starts to come to his senses just then and you cup his face in your hand, shocked when his hand curls around your wrist with an iron grip. “did you have the nightmare again?”

he shakes his head, “they’ve become worse.” his eyes fly around the room before they come to meet yours, glinting with guilt, “you were in them.”

“oh, xiao,” you pull him closer, resting your forehead against his with a sigh, “i’m not going anywhere. i’m alive and i’m here, all right, love? you don’t have to worry about me.”

xiao’s breathing evens out after a while, your scent soothing his nerves and he croaks out, “th-thank you for... for helping me.”

you understand xiao’s referring to more than just calming him after his dream just now and you feel yourself smile, the feeling almost foreign to your face. “you don’t have to thank me, xiao.” you pull his head into your lap, asking him to close his eyes while you run patterns across his scalp, and before xiao knows it, he’s asleep, a dreamless night ahead of him.

you wake up, wrapped up around xiao’s body, arms around his waist and nose snug against his throat. your first instinct is to spring away with a gasp, the feeling of having made a mistake intensifying in your veins when you find xiao laying wide awake next to you. you push yourself away, “i- i apologize, xiao, i- sorry, that must’ve been uncomfortable for you.”

you don’t know what to do with yourself and xiao sits up, knee brushing against yours, “please, stop apologizing. you- you don’t make me uncomfortable.”

you almost don’t believe xiao, but the sight of his ears reddening and his gaze averting confuses you, “you’re being honest?”

“have i ever not been honest with you?” xiao asks with a dry laugh, “sometimes, i believe i am too honest with.” you sigh, shrugging at but not denying his statement.

just then, xiao mumbles something under his breath and all you catch is “last night” and “name”. you frown, leaning in closer to his face, more because you want to admire him up close, but he thinks it’s to hear him better.

“do you remember the name you called me last night?”

you frown in thought, trying to recall last night better, “xiao?”

xiao pins you with an unreadable gaze, almost looking betrayed? when you stare back at him cluelessly.

then, you remember.

“my love!” the thrill of having remembered almost throws you off the embarrassment that rushes in when you fully realize what you’d called him. you scratch your neck, “ah, sorry, it’s just a reflex.”

“i don’t dislike it,” when you blankly stare at him, mouth slightly agape, he gives an exasperated sigh, “i don’t understand why you continue to believe that i’m wary of you, y/n.” you freeze, feeling both called out and flustered (plus, was it just you or did xiao call your name with adoration?) because this is xiao you’re talking to. “it’s quite the contrary. despite my attempts at distancing myself from you, i’ve grown fond of you.” you pull away from his face, feeling your own cheeks heat up at his uncharacteristically affection.

“you- i can’t believe you’re saying this,” you have the urge to hide your face in your hands but you persevere, eyeing xiao, “i’m glad, though, because i was afraid i was alone in my affections for you, xiao.”

xiao’s lips twitch in the anticipation of a smile but he pauses, raising his brows. you laugh, suddenly realizing what he’s asking for.

with a small giggle, you shift closer to xiao, hands smoothing out a few strands of his hair, feeling more and more whole when you lean into him, placing a loving peck on his cheek, your words whispered only and only for him, “my love.”

roro's note:

yes this is very self-indulgent and i did project a lot but what can i say? i've been miserable these past few days and i wrote this more to comfort myself than anything. it helped a bit i guess? but yeah, this piece is close to my heart because well... a lot of it is true for me so yay great i love it when i lose people i love the most haha so cool :)

the follower who requested this- i hope this comforts you, too, and that you like this :) please do let me know what you think!! thank you for supporting me, i truly treasure every one of you.

finally, i would appreciate, now more than ever, if you reblogged and left your thoughts! <3

388 notes · View notes

otherworldseekers · 8 months

Text

FFXIVwrite 2023 prompt 13: Check

So here's the second scene of my brand new modern/university/fun with fantasia AU which I'm not sure what to call yet. If you missed the first scene (which was my last FFXIVwrite entry) it is here.

It was the end of the work day and Nero Scaeva, owner of Scaevan Robotics, closed the door to his office behind him. In the break room employees were collecting their belongings and preparing to leave. All except one. Wedge, an intern and student at the local university, was loudly boasting about his significant other and the skills she would be demonstrating that night in a concert of some sort.

“She’s got the voice of an angel!” Wedge proclaimed, the sappiest of expressions on his face. “You should all come and listen. She’s really going to be something someday. Famous! It’s a chance not to be missed!”

Most of the others simply laughed off the young Lalafell, but Wedge was not discouraged. He turned and saw Nero. “Boss! Boss! You should come too!”

“That’s right, boss. Go get an eyeful of all the pretty college kids while you still can get away with it,” one of the other engineers jeered.

Nero scowled. He had no interest in college kids or anyone a decade younger than him. “I’m afraid I’m busy tonight.”

“Are you really?” A new voice pushed through the end of day chaos.

“Garlond, what are you doing here?” Nero demanded. Cid Garlond was the owner of Garlond Ironworks, and his rival in all things business and beyond. “I told you to stop acting like this place is yours.”

“Oh, I was waiting out front for you, Nero, but I heard the commotion your young protege was making and thought I might be able to help." He crossed his arms and stared Nero down. “Tell me, what exactly are your plans then?”

Nero’s scowl deepened. Of course he didn’t have any plans but going home, having some dinner and a glass of vodka or two, and sitting by the fireplace with a stack of project reports. Like every evening. He rarely went out. When it did, it was usually with Garlond himself, and the other man knew it perfectly well.

“I’d wager my superior booth placement at the tech expo coming up that you’ve nothing going on,” Cid said smugly.

Nero’s scowl was turning downright dangerous. “You know perfectly well that you only got that booth placement because your father-”

“Well, Nero? Tell us about your pressing engagement,” Cid pushed.

Wedge was looking up at Nero with glistening eyes, as if he couldn’t believe his boss would lie to him.

“Fine,” Nero growled. “It would be an honor to see your lovely girlfriend perform, Wedge. But I’m not exactly welcome at the university, you know.”

The debacle between Nero and the Faculty of the Science department of the college was well known but seldom discussed. Mostly because the subject made Nero fly into a rage. But every new intern heard the story from the long time employees.

“Oh,” Wedge said, his shoulders slumping.

“As it happens…” Cid spoke up and pulled a bottle from his pocket. Nero gave him a quelling glare which he ignored. “I have with me an interesting little formula that recently came out of the chemistry department at the U. They wanted my opinion on its viability as a commercial product.”

“Oh!” Wedge perked up. “Is that fantasia?”

“The same,” Cid proclaimed. “And, Nero, it will make you a changed man.”

Nero scoffed. “Fantasia? What kind of rubbish is it?”

“I haven’t seen it used yet, but as I understand it, it allows you to choose an entirely new appearance and metamorphosizes you into that appearance until you drink another dose.”

“That’s right,” said Wedge. “You can choose your race, your gender, all your features. It’s amazing!”

“Garlond, you’re not seriously suggesting I use this snake oil?” Nero sneered.

“Boss, my best mate, Biggs, helped work on it. It’s not snake oil!” Wedge insisted. “And it would solve our problem. If no one recognizes you, you can come to the recital with no problem!” He positively beamed.

Nero took a few calming breaths. This was all Garlond’s fault. They both knew that Garlond was trying his hardest to poach Wedge from Scaevan Robotics, and they both knew what Wedge was tempted. After all, Biggs worked for the Ironworks. It was a war between them, just like everything else. Only this time Nero was at a disadvantage. He needed to keep Wedge happy.

“Very well, Wedge,” Nero reluctantly agreed. “I’ll take the fantasia. I’ll go with you to the recital.”

“Boss!” Wedge said with emotion. “I promise you won’t regret it!”

Nero grabbed the bottle from the smirking Garlond.

“Have fun, Nero,” said Cid. “I’ll come check on you in the morning and you can tell me all about it.”

#FFXIVwrite #ffxivwrite2023 #my writing #Nero tol Scaeva #Cid Garlond #Wedge #new AU

16 notes · View notes

frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe · 1 year

Text

A Recipe for Disaster (Chap. 4)

Pt.1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | on AO3 here

Steve and Nancy walked along in silence for a while.

Steve says “Nancy, I don’t want to make you do this.” at the same time Nancy says “You aren’t making me do anything by the way.”

She smiles and motions for him to continue. “If I had any more time or any choice in the matter I wouldn’t make you do this. I still don’t want to.”

“Why are they making you anyway?”

“They..uh.. Want to make sure the whole media fiasco that happened back in the States with my fri_that guy Tommy, won’t become..permanent? I guess?”

“They want you to marry a noblewoman, not a nobleman.” She nods in understanding.

“Yes, that’s definitely a much better way to put that.”

“I see.”

“And I uhm, I’m not just interested in noblemen, I could go for both..both noblemen and noblewomen” Steve admits, rubbing the back of his neck.

He dares to look at Nancy, who’s smiling softly at him.“Good to know, thanks for telling me.”

She leads them to a nearby bench and pulls him down to sit beside her.

“Steve, I am more than happy to do this for you.”

“But you have dreams of your own Nancy, you have things you want to do too that specifically have nothing to do with the royal life.”

“I already knew that my own dreams would be unrealistic for me. I am a royal woman. I knew this would happen at some point.” She’s still smiling kindly at him.

“That doesn’t make me feel better about this at all, you could marry Jonathan. You aren't in line for your own throne because of Mike, right? So why do this at all? You barely even know me." She thinks for a moment. "I believe you will be good for Genovia and a good representation of the future of all our countries. You didn't come from this world, have made mistakes in the recent past that any teenage person would, but you have moved and grown so far past them that you're willing to fall in line with your government in order to lead your people."

Steve was stunned into silence; he definitely hadn't been expecting all that from this woman he'd only known for a short time.

"Plus I’d rather marry the one royal that would support those dreams of mine than to one that’d try to snuff them out, just like I figure you’d rather not marry some other random person who’s only there for show. I do plan on helping you with this as much as I can; I promise you will be hearing a lot of my advice and opinions in the future.” She gives him a wink.

Steve laughs “Yeah, I’d expect nothing less.” he pulls her into him for a hug “Thank you Nancy.”

“You’re welcome, Steve.”

–

‘Why? Why did I choose tonight to sit out here? Why couldn’t I have just stayed my ass inside??’ Eddie cursed himself, ignoring the small sputtering flame in his chest for the king-to-be as he shot up from his seat in the gardens a good ways away from the two intruders.

Seeing Steve in the clear golden sunset had only made the small flame for the man to grow stronger, if not bigger. His heart completely ignoring the beautiful young woman Steve had in his embrace, and the ache in his foot from his last encounter with the prince.

Eddie snapped his journal shut and slouched back towards the palace, hoping he wouldn’t be spotted by the other two.

–

Nancy’s parents had arrived two days after she and Mike had, and brought along Nancy’s youngest sibling, a delightful little girl named Holly who Steve absolutely adored.

He and Nancy talked a lot in those two days; She had told him what to expect from her parents, said her mom was really the one that he’d have to get on with despite her father being the current ruler (“Will do, can’t wait until Mike takes over for your dad and I have to deal with him on the regular.” Steve had said with an eye roll, Nancy giggled and responded with “Yeah.. mom will still be the one in charge there too, good luck Mike.”). Lucky for Steve, Karen LOVED him and only asked a couple awkward questions about future heirs.

“Oh, uhm, yeah someday, sure, but nothing until Nancy is ready.” He’d placated her, knowing full well he and Nancy hadn’t talked about that whole part of their arrangement yet.

“Don’t be so humble about it son, you need heirs. Best get to it sooner than later.” Nancy’s dad, Theodore, had responded and got a smack on the arm and a “Dammit Ted, why must you always make things awkward.” from Karen.

Steve had excused himself then to warn Nancy about what may be coming (who had rolled her eyes and very bluntly stated, “I’m in no hurry at all. Come on, let's get with Hopper so we can leave already.”), before setting off to the seaside village of Mertz for their first public outing.

It was going well enough, though the cliffside beaches they were walking along were definitely more windy than he’d like.

They trudged through the sand, arm in arm, purposefully trying to ignore the paparazzi until they absolutely couldn’t anymore, and laughing quietly at Ted’s huffing as he also trudged along behind them and Joyce.

“About time we gave them a wave, don’t you think?” Nancy asked.

“Yep, I think so..” Steve sighed in return and waved towards the gathered cameras who all started clicking and flashing the moment he did.

He glanced down at Nancy and caught her small smile at the cameras for a brief moment before her patterned scarf was suddenly whisked away from the collar of her coat and started breezily rolling back the way they’d come.

“Oh shit!” Steve started after the scarf, and so did Nancy.

“A prince shouldn’t run for a scarf!” she laughed as they both again just missed grabbing the slippery thing.

“Neither should a princess!” he laughed back and suddenly he was flopping forward, having finally grabbed the damn thing, but tripping in the process. He landed on his side in the sand and Nancy similarly flopped down next to him on her stomach as if she’d tripped over him after he went down, but Steve had a fleeting suspicion it was just so he wasn’t embarrassed on his own.

“Your scarf, your highness.” He spoke in Dustin’s patented haughty voice as he wrapped the thing back around her neck.

“Why thank you good sir!” She parroted back in the same lilt before dissolving into giggles.

–

They spent the next week together, doing whatever came to mind, really. They played badminton, they had dinners together with everyone, he listened to her complain about how it was growing up with Mike, he’d read some of her pieces (and they were as good as he thought they’d be), and just went for strolls together in the gardens.

These walks were usually reserved for the more important chats, ones reserved for full honesty with each other. Like about how he’d always wanted a bigger family but that he’s not about to make her do that if she didn't want to. How she could definitely see herself with Jonathan. He in turn told her about his unfortunate feelings of heartbreak when it came to Lord Edmund.

“I only knew him for a couple minutes but that’s all it took; I really think it was a goddamn love-at-first sight scenario…before it was ripped out from under me literally two days later. It stung. Bad.”

Nancy rubbed his arm comfortingly. “He seems like an ass.” She says in a completely serious, sensitive tone that causes a laugh to bubble up through the sudden tightness in his chest.

“That’s the thing though, I really want him to be, but he may very well not be.” Steve sighs, and pauses for a moment. “I really don’t want him to be an asshole…” he finishes quietly.

“You could see yourself with him, couldn’t you?”

Steve thought about it while they shuffled slowly along the path. Could he? The image of Eddie beaming at him during his coronation, of Eddie sitting at his side in the throne room while he meets with the public, a painted version of he and Eddie, a little bit older, standing side by side and hanging beside Joyce and Robert flashed through his head, one right after the other. Against all common sense, Steve found himself wanting that more than anything.

He also realized that the small fire that had sparked in his chest that night when he saw Eddie through his window was decidedly not hatred.

“No, I don’t think I could.” Steve lies right to Nancy’s face. Like the coward he is.

She looks at him like she doesn’t quite believe him, but drops it anyway; “Lets head back in..”

–

Eddie hears the unmistakable sound of Steve’s voice carrying down the main path and up the small offshoot where he’d decided to sit with his journal today.

‘How the hell am I always out here when they are??’ Eddie thinks bitterly.

He’d purposefully tried to ignore their conversation but Steve had started talking about some ‘him’ and his curiosity got the better of him.

“He seems like an ass.” Says a lighter voice that must be Nancy.

Her words pull a shaky laugh out of Steve before Eddie hears him continue.

“That’s the thing though, I really want him to be, but he may very well not be.” Steve sighs, and pauses for a moment. “I really don’t want him to be an asshole…” he finishes quietly.

‘Oh fuck, are they talking about me??’

“You could see yourself with him, couldn’t you?”

It’s like her question was directed at him and not at Steve; against his will, Eddie's brain flips through the possibilities before him if, against all odds and against what Parliament wants, Steve chose him to be his Prince Consort.

Eddie can see himself standing off to the side and smiling proud at Steve’s coronation, sitting beside him as he meets with the public in the throne room just like Queen Joyce does now, by his side at any number of nameless events, just with Steve.

That sputtering flame that had grown just from seeing Steve a mere few days previously, burns so hot in his chest it’s like it’s actually burning a hole through his shirt. He absentmindedly places his free hand over the spot on his chest and wishes it would go away.

“No, I don’t think I could.”

Those six words coming from Steve’s mouth should have done it, but it just makes his heart burn hotter, as if in defiance. As if his heart is falling for Steve harder out of spite. Like his heart is yelling out to Steve itself: ‘I’ll show you, I’ll prove we’re not an asshole! We’re gonna prove it to you again and again until you’re ours.’

Eddie waits until they’ve gone before starting down the same path and into the palace. He hears a couple voices talking as he enters through the ballroom, and glances up to see the new security intern talking to a tall, gangly looking teen. ‘Damn they are really letting anyone in here these days..’

They spot him too as he enters, and the intern calls out to him. “Good evening Lord Edmund, have you been introduced to Prince Michael yet?”

“Ah, you’re another royal, that makes more sense,” Eddie says and approaches Michael, hand extended “Lord Edmund Muñoz, your highness.”

“Ah, so this is the guy?” The dark-haired teen says to the shorter curly-haired one while taking Eddie’s hand.

“Yep, this is the one.”

“Am I allowed to ask what guy I am?”

The two boys share a look, then look back to him “Run a campaign with us.” they say at the same time.

Eddie’s stunned. “Wh_what? How do you_?” he sputters, then clears his throat “How’d you know I play?”

The two boys shrug, and Michael says “You looked like it.”

The other elbows him and is very obviously holding back laughter.

“I looked like it.”

They nod.

Eddie sighs, “When are you thinking?”

–

Steve escorted Nancy to her room and bid her goodnight before heading off to find Joyce.

They had spoken since Nancy’s arrival, but Steve had purposefully kept it short, and Joyce had respected the boundaries he’d put up in the meantime, but now it was time to talk to her again fully.

He arrived at her door and gave two quick knocks. “Aunt Joyce, it’s me.” he called through the door.

“Come in, Steve.”

He heads inside and finds her at her desk, completing some sort of pile of paperwork.

“Can we talk?”

She spins in her chair and stands, gesturing to the loveseat for him to sit, which she does as well.

“I’m sorry I was short with you when you invited Nancy here.”

“No, I should apologize for inviting her here without your knowledge. I shouldn’t have assumed anything and I…I just wanted to give you your best possible step in the right direction.”

Steve pulls her into a hug “I know, thanks for everything, Aunt Joyce.”

They stay in the embrace for a while before parting. “So is it going well then? With Nancy?”

He told her everything he’d talked about with Nancy over her time at the palace (minus his confessions about a certain visiting Lord), “I think we will make this work out just fine.”

“I am so happy for you Steve, thank you for telling me.” she smiles at him, placing a hand on his shoulder

“Well, there’s one other thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

–

“Why am I so damn nervous? We both knew this was coming anyway but now it’s here and I can’t get rid of the pit in my stomach and…” Steve trails off and looks to his gathered audience. The three people he trusts most (would have been four, but Hopper “actually has work to do.”) Robin, Joyce, and (surprisingly) Dustin sit on one of the couches in his suite and watch him pace back and forth at the end of his bed.

“You can do this, Steve; you both know what is in store for you and like you said, both knew this was coming.”

“You have nothing to worry about, sweetheart.”

“You’re only nervous because you have that giant rock in your pocket.”

The other three laugh at Dustin’s observation, and it was true, the ring that’d previously belonged to Steve’s grandmother was a hell of a ring. “Yeah, that’d do it.” Steve chuckles, “OK. I can do this.”

He and Nancy had talked about this previously too, they’d be outside under Genovia’s famous pear tree, in view of the paparazzi when they were called and eventually showed up. To do it in front of the media will cement the fact that much faster and hopefully give them enough time to make wedding arrangements.

It was insane that it’d only been a week since his birthday and now here he was, about to propose to a princess just to keep his family’s legacy.

“Here you are, Nance.” Steve hands her the small velvet box that he’d been toying with in his pocket all day.

She puts on a great questioning look that morphs expertly into feigned surprise when she opens it. She puts her free hand to her chest and says “Oh, Steve..”

“It was my grandmother’s ring, she and my grandfather were married for 54 years, Joyce thought it’d be good luck.”

Nancy smiles at him softly, “Do I have to put it on myself?”

“No, no, I can do that.” Steve chuckles. He takes the ring from the box and slides it onto Nancy’s ring finger, though it’s a bit big for her. They can both hear the incessant snapping of the paparazzo’s cameras as soon as he does. “I'll get it resized for you while you’re gone.” he says and gives her a wink.

“It’s beautiful, Steve, thank you.” She gives him a kiss on the cheek and he hears the cameras start up once again.

“Nice move.” he says and they laugh to themselves as Steve helps her up and they head back inside.

“Fly the lovebirds..” Murray speaks into his earpiece as he watches Steve and Nancy approach the door to the palace’s front staircase.

“Are you ready for this?”

“Only if you are Steve.”

He nods resolutely and takes her right hand in his left before stepping forward and out onto the landing.

Hundreds of people have gathered to celebrate his and Nancy’s engagement. They have flooded onto the front lawn, some were wearing fake tiaras and crowns and most were waving the small Genovian flags.

He and Nancy stop at the railing and wave to the masses, taking it in for a moment and smiling for his people.

“I can’t believe they’re all here for us.” he leans over slightly to say to Nancy

“Hm?” she hadn’t heard him over the crowd so he tries once more, this time sweeping his arm out at the citizens

Speaking a bit louder this time, Steve says “It’s crazy they’re all here for u_” and cuts himself off as his hand comes into contact with something and it moves away from him; reacting immediately, he scrabbles for the small pot of flowers and clutches it to himself, seeing some of the crowd laughing, but he hopes he pulled off that save.

Nancy, the hero she is, takes the other pot from the railing, raising it to the crowd minutely and turning back into the palace with Steve.

Dustin is doubled over in laughter.

“You are the dingi-est Dingus that there’s ever been.” Robin is shaking her head and laughing at him as she takes the pot from him.

“Yeah, yeah, I know_Dustin, seriously it wasn’t that funny..dammit, you too Nancy? All I am is hated in this place. Hated!”

–

“Seems you were wrong, dad, Steve’s managed to find a wife within a week.

“Stephan can’t possibly be happy with the concept of an arranged marriage.”

He thinks for a moment before continuing “and if I know anything about her highness, she couldn’t be happy with the idea of any marriage..Your task is to romance her. Show her what a real relationship could be. One with fire, and passion!”

Eddie was still caught on “romance her” so it takes him a moment to catch up to what his father said. “And change her mind about Steve.” he says flatly.

“Precisely; the 30 day deadline expires, and the throne is ours.”

The only thing Eddie can think is what his heart is screaming at him; “Forget the girl, get Steve! Show Steve what a relationship with you could be like. Woo him. Woo him!!”

–

Later, with Nancy already turned in for the night since she was returning home the next day for a short time, Robin similarly zonked out from her own meetings with a handful of dignitaries she’d offered to take from Steve while Nancy was visiting, Steve had time to himself.

His thoughts were going a mile a minute (When will the wedding actually be? When is Nancy coming back again? Who does he bring the ring to in order to be resized? He needs to get new wedding bands for the two of them. He needs to start prepping for his coronation ceremony too…), so, as usual, he started walking.

He started meandering down hall after hall and had been for a while when something pulled him out of it.

From ahead of him, down the darkened hallway, a door, about half-open, was spilling warm light and laughter into the hall. Curious, Steve walked forward as quietly as possible, though his steps couldn’t have been heard over whoever it was that spoke from inside.

“....you are all backed into a corner, literally. Only Will the Wise still stands, weakened, but far better off than the rest of his party, standing between his friends and the horrible demogorgon.”

‘Is that Eddie?’ is the first thought that comes to mind as he finally comes to the open door. Every other thought is wiped from his brain at the sight of him, standing over a table covered in papers, small little things that look like weird shaped dice, and a couple figures like the one Steve had seen Eddie painting that day. His hair was completely down, and it was wild. It was full, curly, and Steve wanted to sink his hands into it and pull, just to see if doing so would pull any noises from that perfect throat of his.

“I cast fireball!”

Steve is startled out of his thoughts at the sound of another voice. He was so lost in EddieEddieEddie that he completely missed that there were other people sitting at the table. ‘Holy shit, pull yourself together Steve, the fuck is wrong with you??’

The voice was Will, and Steve could see Dustin and Mike at the table as well. Behind the table on a small couch, were Max and Ellie, the latter of whom looked to be re-braiding the former’s hair.

Will rolled one of the weird looking dice and for some reason this was the moment that the Dungeons & Dragons game that Lady Applejack said she loved and the D&D that Dustin somehow knew Mike played were one in the same. ‘Duh, Dingus.’ he could hear Robin’s voice tell him in his head.

Everyone at the table was looking at Will’s die, whatever it had landed on must’ve been a big deal because everyone jumped up and started celebrating. Eddie’s voice cut through the commotion and said “Will the Wise cast straight and true, hitting the beast directly in the center of its chest! It’s completely engulfed in flame, and crumbles to the ground in ashes mere seconds later.”

Steve is so completely captivated by Eddie that it’s the shuffling of the other teens gathering up their things that startles him out of his trance. He hurries down the hall and around the next turn before anyone can see him, and sets off back towards his suite.

The overwhelming worried thoughts that plagued him only minutes before are now replaced by thoughts of Eddie and a heart burning so hot Steve can almost feel his chest above it crumbling into ash like that damn demo-whatever from their game.

–

Murray finds him on the steps of the ballroom the next morning, finishing up a call as he starts to pass.

He stops on the same step Steve is sitting on and doesn’t say anything for a moment, long enough for Steve to look up from his journal in curiosity.

“Why, may I ask, are you sitting on the steps of the ballroom?”

“Thinkin’ I suppose.”

“Ah, so we’re hiding from Dustin then?”

Steve winces minutely "...Maybe.."

Murray blinks at him before he remembers he has a phone in his hand and moves to finish taking the call. He makes sure the mouthpiece is turned away before telling Steve: “Nancy’s plane just took off; I’m assuming she already has plans to call once she lands?”

“Yep, thanks Murray.”

He bounds up the stairs two at a time and Steve rolls his eyes at his retreating form.

Giving a quick look around, Steve pulls the velvet box out of his pocket and opens it. He’d made sure to get the ring back from Nancy before she left to have it resized and cleaned, and already made plans to go with Hopper later on to drop it off himself, but for now, he just admires it. It’s a true antique, created specifically for his grandmother when she was to be wed to Stephan the First, created around a huge round diamond that shone like the moon.

Someone whistling pulls him out of his thoughts and he snaps the box shut just as Edmund comes into view from between the two staircases.

He’s dressed sharply in all black, his wild curls pulled up fully into a messy bun at the back of his head. The new hairdo and the unbuttoned top buttons on his shirt leave the full column of his throat bare to the world and Steve has to swallow away the evidence of how much his mouth had started watering at the sight.

Edmund glances at the box in Steve’s hand “Are you having second thoughts?”

Steve huffs as he stands, shoving the box back in his pocket. “No actually, I was just admiring it. It was my grandmother’s you know, an_” Steve’s heart stops as Edmund crowds close to him.

Steve nearly stumbles down the two steps on shaky legs as he escapes from between the other man and the railing. “Well if you’ll excuse me, I need to see to some wedding details.” Steve starts up the opposite staircase and pushes his glasses up his nose as he realizes Eddie is following, just on the other set of stairs.

“I’m sorry, is there something you wanted to say to me?”

“No, no, you are the one who stomped on me with your big feet. And you know what they say about guys with big feet.”

Steve felt his face burn up at the insinuation and decided to ignore it (for now) “Well you know, you danced with my big feet.”

“That I did, big boy, but may I remind you that we only danced for about a minute.” Eddie said as he also reached the top of the stairs.

Steve was taken a back for a moment ‘So he also thinks someone wouldn’t be able to fall for someone that quick.’ he thinks to himself, both fully realizing how ridiculous that sounded and also fully believing that somehow Eddie knew that he’d caught feelings in that short time.

“It was more than a minute.” Steve says to aloud to Eddie (and to himself).

“Maybe a minute and a half..” Eddie shrugs

“Fine. It was a minute and a half, but it was also a lie. Because you didn’t tell me who you really were or that you were trying to steal my crown.” Steve points his finger into Eddie's chest accusingly.

Eddie rolls his eyes at him “My apologies your highness, you see, normally, when I ask someone to dance, I make it a point to show them my family tree.” voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Murray? Have you seen Steve today?” Steve’s eyes widen as he hears Dustin's voice echoing down the hall in front of him.

“Nope, haven’t seen him.” Murray calls, a bit too loud “Wasn’t in the ballroom when I went through and I came right in from outside.”

Murray was giving him an escape.

Steve walked past Edmund, checking his shoulder a bit “You wanna know what else you were doing while you were doing your little lie dance?”

“The hell is a ‘lie dance’?”

“I’ll go check myself, thanks though Murray!”

Steve panicked, wanting to continue to confront Edmund and not wanting Dustin to walk in on it, he opened the next door he reached, a small broom closet, and gestured for Eddie to get in.

He looked confused, but smirked as he slid in past Steve who followed him in and shut the door.

“You know very well what you were doing with your ha_”

“And what exactly was that, your highness?” Once again, Eddie crowded close to Steve, this time to reach past him and flip the lightswitch off.

For a brief moment, Steve allowed himself to be this close to Eddie, nearly wrapped up in him and fully engulfed in the spicy scent of his cologne before Eddie pulled back and Steve turned to flip the light back on.

“Exactly what you are trying to do now, you’re flirting with me to try and get one over on me.”

“Is that what I’m doing?” Eddie flips the lightswitch again, staying in Steve’s space this time, lips pulled into that same smirk and eyes hooded.

“Yes, and it_” Steve turned the light back on and pressed himself into Eddie’s space, this time doing his best to whisper-threaten him “And it’s not going to work on m_”

Suddenly the door was flung open, Steve snapped his head over to look at who opened it and pushed Eddie back away from him at the same time.

Dustin stood there, slack-jawed, then quickly pulled himself together “My apologies your highness, Lord Muñoz.” and closed the door on the two of them again.

Steve wanted to say something as he did, but the door closed on them before he could utter out a single syllable.

After a moment, Eddie reached his arm in front of Steve to flip the light off once again “So, where were we?” he purred in Steve’s ear.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Steve turned his head to Edmund and spoke quietly “You are trying to ruin me and I won’t let you.” then let himself out, slamming the door behind him and on the other’s face.

He heard the door creak open soon after, “You’re the one who told me to get in there in the first place!” Edmund called after Steve, having already started off to find Dustin.

Steve clenched his fists tighter and continued on his way.

Chap. 5 here!

@henderdads @resident-gay-bitch @livewondrousss @sadcanadianwinter @sidebarre @steveshairychest @potentialheartofdarkness @steddieasitgoes @mightbeasleep @princessstevemunson @totallybitchin

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #princess diaries au #princess diaries #the princess diaries #stranger things #st #st fic #stranger things fic #steve x eddie #steveddie #nancy wheeler #mike wheeler #robin buckley #dustin henderson #joyce byers #Stephan Artur Harrington-Renaldi #Lord Edmund Muñoz

67 notes · View notes