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sailorhyunjinz · 3 years

Note

What do you think first kiss with skz be like?

aAWH SOME FLUFF T-T OK BUT KEEP IN MIND- fluff is not my strongest pursuit hence why im not a fluff writer hahsah but HEY ITS CUTE!! and anon,,, im so sorry this took such time IM SO SO SORRY AAAAAAAAH-

also this makes me wanna know my anons first kiss story, AAAH SPILL THEM

warnings; none?? fluff,,, wow,, rare to say that LMAO- also gn!reader and also suggestiveee??

Bangchan

~gentleman~

will only kiss you if you are REALLY ready for it and if the two of you are dating

doesnt want to rush you into things (even if its just a kiss) because he doesnt know how comfortable you are and such

basically a sweetheart

i imagine its like a cute little date

night where you guys are stargazing, lying on a blanket on a grassy hill with his arm as a pillow for your head

“chan, look! its a shooting star! make a wish” you giggle to which he smiles, looking at your pretty features that are lit up by the moonlight

“hmm,,, dear star, i wish that y/n would kiss me” he says, laughing directly after but soon being interupted as you attach your plushy lips against his

its probably the most romantic event in your life

him smiling into the kiss as your tongues danced around softly

when you pulled away you laughed, saying; “wishes do really come true, huh?”

poor baby is blushing, his ears red but thankfully for him its too dark for you to see

Minho

the “evil roommate that secretly has feelings for you”

“lee minho i swear im gonna rip your hair off if you touch my plants again”

minho got out of his room, looking at you standing in the living room and rearranging the plants on the windowsill

“they are all scattered, it’s ugly” he says rudely

“dont call my children ugly” you spit back at him

there was always a weird tension between you and minho. you were glad to have found a roommate that made a good friend eventhough he was a pain in the ass sometimes

minho liked you,,, and therefore he did everything the opposite of what he felt. if he wanted to compliment you on your outfit he would instead say that you looked “overdressed” or “too much” but you always rolled your eyes towards his snarky comments

you pecked your plants, giving them the love they needed and minho just stood frozen in the doorway, without thinking he spoke

“how come you never do that to me?”

silence

you sneered, placing down the plant you held and streched out your arms

“c’mere if you dare” you said jokingly, not expecting the boy you always thought was so devilish to run into your arms, lips touching and your eyes widening at the unexpected action

the two of you held each other, breathing shaky as wet tongues collided, the sun beaming upon your figures

“m-minho,,, it was a joke!” you laughed, slapping his arm playfully as you pulled away

“but to me it wasn’t” he remarked cockily, licking the inside of his cheek

Changbin

very much giving me like “we dont like each other but we have to work with each other”

like you two are co-workers, working in a boring office and you were assigned to put together this one report and,,, lets say Changbin wasnt your favorite in the office

there was nothing wrong with him,,, its just his vibe that was off putting but sigh,,, work is work

you started compiling information, sitting in a seperate room and drawing graphs on the whiteboard, projecting some other type of research onto the board

“do you think we will need to stay late?” he asks, ruffling his hair in frustration

you sigh and nod, this wasnt going to get done anytime soon.

dawn set on horizon and the others workers packed up their belonging one by one and left until there was only you and changbin left in the now quiet office

you sat next to him, yawning as you typed something as you felt him looking at you

you looked back with a questionable expression, confused when he uttered his words

“do you hate me, y/n?”

“i mean,,, you are a dick sometimes but i dont hate you, at least you do your work”

he shrugged his shoulders, loosening his necktie as he leaned back into the office chair

“a dick, huh? maybe i try to push you away so you wont catch the same feelings i have for you”

you snapped your head towards him. you couldnt lie, he was attractive and at this point you were desperate

“kiss me then” you said simply causing the boy to immediately cup your cheeks, latching onto your lips as if he’d waited for this moment for forever

more tongue, wants you to feel him ;))

lets just say,,, he made it up to you

Hyunjin

i get this like,,, youthful vibe,,, like the two of you were childhood friends

and,,, eventually you catch feelings for him which you hate because,,, you dont want to ruin this friendship

every time somebody mistook you for a couple the both of you would make retching noises, mocking each other

“you think my standards are that low?” hyunjin says pointing at you to which you raise your fist

“hwang hyunjin, you’re dead meat”

but,,, he was only in denial, it was his childhood friend afterall

probably happened at one of those night where your mom was working late and you invited hyunjin to keep you company, him bringing kkami as well.

“dont fucking burn the pizza, hyunjin” you say, petting kkami until the little rascal ran away from your lap

“if you helped it wouldnt be burned” he replies as he comes out with two plates with the pizza burned on the edges

“but if they taste bad you can always taste my lips” he jokes and you look at him with a disgusted facial expression before laughing

“i bet they taste even worse then your mess of a pizza, i would like to see you try to even get me to peck you” you scoff and hyunjin rolls his eyes, sitting next to you on the sofa

“try it then” he taunts but is taken aback when you actually kiss him, your nose accidentally brushing against his as you purse your lips, hyunjin timidly using his tongue to test the waters

he wanted it so bad and he finally got it >:(( he could swear that he heard fireworks going off in his brain

a moment of silence appeared until hyunjin cockily uttered:

“so,,, did they taste better?”

Jisung

the “i met you at a party and made out with you drunk”

he stared at you the entire night, catching glances while you looked away and the music blared in the nightclub that was packed with people.

you ordered a drink at the bar, tapping your fingers on the oak surface where you rested your arms, suddenly somebody bumped into you

turning around you saw jisung and you sighed, thinking his behaviour was starting to get annoying

“oh its you again” you said loud for him to hear as he sat down next to you, having a annoying smirk plastered on his lips

“looks like you are having fun, let me guess,,, you’re trying to get over your ex” jisung says, leaning his elbow against the bar and you glared at him because it was true

you scoffed, avoiding his question and instead sipping on the sour drink you had in your hands, trying to forget everything

he was attractive which only pissed you off even more, as if you hadnt had enough pretentious assholes in your life

the glass slammed against the table as you put it down harshly, gazing into the boys dark brown eyes

“alright, deal. make me forget then since you think you know everything about me” you stated to which jisung raised his eyebrow

the palm of his hand was firmly placed on the bar as he leaned in to kiss you, feeling the bitter liquour hitting his tastebuds as your tongues crashed against each other

it felt,,, freeing. you swung your arms around his neck, wanting him closer to your body

by the way he was kissing you, you could tell that he was there for the same reason as you. a sloppy and heated kiss to fill your thoughts with something other than your ex

safe to say that the kiss progressed ;))))

Felix

aaah cutie boyfriend that is just too shy to even give you a kiss like 3 months into the relationship (OK DONT ATTACK ME NOW, TAKE YOUR TIME, NO RUSH YOU GUYS)

he is shy with pretty much everything, it was only recently he could hold your hand without his heart jumping out of his chest.

it was a simple date night! takeout and games at his place

you layed your head in his lap as you watched him finish up the game that you had given up on a long time ago

he shifted awkwardly in his seat, not used to being so close to such a pretty person before

“ah- fuck! i lost again,,,” he says in defeat, his head rolling backwards before a frustrated sigh escaped his lips

“you did well felix! look how far you got!” you say, pointing towards the score on the screen but not getting his attention.

you sat up, looking at him for a moment as his eyelashes lightly draped over his closed eyes, cheeks speckled with freckles

you couldnt help yourself, he looked so angelic despite being defeated and so you leaned in, lacing your fingers with his and softly placing your lips against his

he opened his eyes in panic before being swallowed by the fluffy feeling of having your lips to himself, he giggled before stroking your cheek as he tilted his head, almost setting a rhythm to the sweet kiss

felix started laughing shyly, cheeks tinged with red as he hid his face with a pillow

“but you won my kiss!” you said through a smile causing felix to blush even more

Seungmin

its like,,, maybe,,, your third or fourth date??

this one is more chill than the previous ones that were at like some fancy restaurang because hello dandy puppy boy wants class

but this one was like a stroll down the night streets and eating ice cream in the middle of the summer

both of you were casually dressed, holding hands as butterflies bubbled in your stomach from the contact

his hand is all warm and it engulfs yours >:(

you look at all the pretty sights of the night, eventually climbing up to some like high point and looking down at all the lights that blinked

after a good 1 1/2 hours of walking your legs were starting to ache and so you both sat down on the swings of a desolate playground, swinging gently with your legs dangling

“i dont understand how you’re able to,,, even be friends with me,,, or whatever we are,,”

seungmin hummed, looking up into the night sky

“i promise y/n, i will be your,,, friend but,,,”

you looked at him as he said “but”, imagining the worst

“i dont wanna be friends, i wanna be more than a friend to you”

his eyes twinkled as he stood up and stood infront of you, grabbing your hand

you slowly looked up at him, his figure standing in the way of the moon as the two of you shared a long gaze, his eyes as sweet as honey, dripping with pure adoration

you pulled him closer by the hand and slowly he inched to your lips, the distance between you minimizing as his face tilted to the right, a delicate and sugary kiss landing on your tastebuds from the ice cream from earlier.

your heart skipped a beat, the slightest sound of lips smacking

“i think i love you y/n” he whispered close to your lips after pulling away.

Jeongin

like,,, uni buddies!

both being med students meant late study night, usually in school

there’s papers and diagrams laid out all over the tables and floors along with a bunch of energy drink cans, some scribbles on the whiteboard

the two of you were friends and met in uni and everyone had always nagged at you for not going after him since he was everything someone ever wanted

you always said that you were friends and that you couldnt imagine being in a relationship with jeongin

but studying with him alone into the deep night felt different, many times you couldnt concentrate when he looked so cute sitting right beside you

being close friends, there was nothing weird about hugging or leaning against each other and so you leaned against his shoulder and yawned as the cozy boy was rewriting some notes.

“one hour left y/n and then- then we can go hoooome!”

you giggled as you looked at him and he diverted his attention from his papers to you, his lips only mere inches from yours

you didnt know what the fuck you were doing and neither did jeongin, it was late and the both of you were tired from studying for finals

and so your lips drew closer until they clashed, feeling a tension that you’ve never felt with him before

he’s definitely a shy,,, kisser?? not too much tongue since he doesnt know how LMAO so its like soft >:((

didnt know what to do when he pulled away, looking around the room or covering his blushing face with his hands but when you hug him he hugs you back

maybe even coming to terms that he does have feeling for you,,, and so do you~

#stray kids fluff #skz fluff #stray kids headcanons #skz headcanons

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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One of the underrated moments of 3b was when Magnus told maryse he doesn't want to burden Alec and she tells him Magnus is part of the family now and he goes 😍 really?? 😍 and then alec tells him he is too much and u can see magnus taking a second to respond because all his newly formed hopes that maybe he isn't too much gets broken like its so heartbreaking that scene is so well acted we don't talk enough about it

god yeah!!!!!!!!!! everything about that moment is SO heartbreaking because magnus was finally daring to hope, after three seasons of expecting alec to get tired of him at the drop of a hat. he was always ready for something to be too much for alec and for the FIRST time he actually allowed himself to believe that alec was in it for the long run, that he would accept magnus even when he wasnt completely powerful and useful and put-together

and i dont think its just maryse saying that but specifically the fact that the night before alec had said "let me be here for you". it always breaks me that THIS LINE, not anything else, was what made magnus break down in his arms. because he had been trying so hard to keep it in and not be a burden and be cheerful and give alec what he wanted, and then alec begged him to just let him help and that. was so powerful because magnus felt so alone and he had been trying so hard not to put this on alec but then alec desperately ASKS him to. and it's such a shock and a relief and at the same time so terrifying his walls finally finish crumbling and he cries so hard his knees buckle and holy fucking shit that scene was so amazing too

so like who wouldnt feel a little more grounded after that? alec didnt just put up with magnus' pain, no, he asked magnus to please let him help him. to be honest. to cry and let alec wipe the tears and deal with the "ugly" parts of him, the fragile parts, the parts that couldnt stand to be strong on their own anymore. and that's all magnus ever wanted, yet didn't really dare to hope for

so for the first time he feels confident that he has someone to lean on. someone he can allow himself to crumble with, even if only for a second and then he's back to trying to get his life together. but for once he's not afraid alec will think he's too much and leave him. in fact, when alec says he needs a break, MAGNUS DOESN'T GET IT. it's such a stark contrast with the magnus who needed reassurance that alec didn't think less of him because of his father, or the magnus who said he never wanted alec to know about his past, or even the magnus from just a day before who tried to bolt and escape alec before alec saw him crumble for real. but i think it makes sense; because of that line from alec. how could he doubt alec would stay with him, when alec had just given him everything he ever wanted, possibly even more? this held so much significance for magnus; alec begging to be there for him was a complete game changer for him

and like dont get me wrong, that line from alec didnt single handedly solve his self esteem issues or anything, both because he still has a long way to go and because he had been learning, however slowly, to open up and let himself be supported for a century now. it's why he ever even got with alec in the first place; because he was daring to try to be vulnerable again. but that line, at the very least, changed magnus' confidence in their relationship. doubly so when maryse lightwood, of all fucking people, promised that they'd be there for him. and she meant it, too, because maryse doesn't say anything she doesn't mean, now does she

and im not going to get into the whole maryse lightwood redemption arc™ thing, but still. this matters. he felt accepted. he had people promising to be there for him, and holy shit, he actually believed them

and then it all immediately fell apart. and he was so confused and this very shaky confidence in his relationship with alec just crumbled. and thats what he meant when he said "i can't lose you too, alec" - not that he couldn't bear to live without him, but that this relationship was the one thing that was finally, finally helping him convince himself that it was okay to ask for help, that he had worth. that he was more than just useful and powerful and capable of helping others, that he had value for himself, too. that people wouldn't leave him to rot as soon as he stopped being worthwhile

it's also why he wanted to erase his memories, because the scar of that - finally allowing himself to believe, just for a little, that it was okay to not be put together every once in a while, only to have that hope completely crushed - honestly threatened his recovery so much, and could throw him back so far. like, don't get me wrong, alec was special to him, their relationship was special, and that also played a part. but one can live without romantic love, even a great one. and magnus had done it before, was used to it even. it's the impact it had on his self esteem that was too much to bear in a state as fragile as he already was

and in short yeah that scene hurts like hell

#u: 3b breakup- me: say no more #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #malec #meta #magnus bane meta #ask #anonymous

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heyitsyn · 3 years

Text

Prove Me Wrong

M!Reader x Oikawa

a/n: SDKLFJSLDKFJDLSKF OKAY I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I LAST UPDATED BUT I REALLY INVESTED MY TIME INTO RESEARCHING AND READING FANFICS WITH AN M!READER BC I REALLY DIDNT WANNA GET IT WRONG SO I APOLOGIZE IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG AND I HOPE THIS ANON LIKES IT!!!

anon:

-heres an interesting thought. what about flamboyant oikawa with a cold boyfriend😳😳

YEYYY I FINALLY UPDATED

LETS GET STARTED SHALL WE?

okayokayokay

so in the request above

this is a m!reader

meaning you will be male in this one so hehe yep the story starts now

you are,,,

distant

and cold

but its mainly just because you were,,,

too tired to actually put in the effort of socializing

between bouncing between part-time jobs to care for your siblings and to schoolwork and book club

the mans can only do so much

so you spend most of your time in school just trying to catch up on sleep bc youre too busy studying up all night for exams since yanno

✨gRaDuaATiOn✨

unfortunately for you, your class had the famous manwhore oikawa tooru

why is that a bad thing?

well, imagine just trying to get some shut eye and suddenly, you just hear a bunch of screaming girls and it gets louder the closer the guy approaches your classroom and when he opens it,

the screams become 10x bass boosted

then imagine that with your sensitive hearing

now,,

it does bother you but it wouldnt bother you as much if he told them to leave

BUT NOOOOOO

he decides to let them in and chat with them and flatter them and continue with that bs until the bell rings

even then,

the girls in your class cant help but keep giggling at him and he always whispers in that obnoxious voice and youre just like two seconds away from ripping his tongue out

now

you dont hate him

you just genuinely dislike his way of living

and the way he talks

and the way he acts

yea see?

no hate

theres a difference

then there was that one time that you got so fed up with it that when oikawa settled on his seat and the fangirls circled him like some cult

they started talking to him all at once trying to get his attention

so it was a garbled mess of sounds and you growled, burying your face deeper in your arms because you would snap really really soon

then one girl shrieked when oikawa smiled at her and then you really just let go of all bearings

your chair made a squeak as you shot up, palms slamming against the wooden desk and your eyes glaring straight at them

‘go back to the farm, ya squealing pigs’

DSKFJLSDFKJSDFKDJS SORRY I LOVE TSUMU

this made everyone silent-even the others in the class just minding their own business

they all knew you as the quiet kid who didnt really talk much but those who did were really scared at you and the way you talked to them with such a cold and monotonous voice that they started spreading rumors about you

even absurd ones like your eyes are so cold bc youve killed so many people that you have no life and empathy left

LIKE WHAT THE HECK YOU STRUGGLED TO GET A SPIDER OUT OF YOUR SISTERS ROOM THE OTHER DAY LIKE EXCUSE YOU

but apparently they were just,,, so scared of you that when you finally got done with them and bursted out, the girls started crying

YALL KNOW THE SAYING LIKE HELL HAS STARTED WHEN THE QUIET KID SNAPS

the females run out of the room scared and the others nervously looks at you

your eyes sweeped through the room and each one of them flinched when you made eye contact with them

YES ASSERT OUR DOMINANCE M/N

the only who didnt was oikawa tooru himself

your eyes landed on him and he still had that stupid smug look on his stupidly gorgeous face and you wanted to ki-WAIT NO SLAP it off of him

‘the hell you looking at?’

you grumbled at him and he just merely shook his head with a smile

‘you remind me a chihuahua, m/n-chan. so cute when its angry’

‘HAH?!’

now it isnt a surprise to hear oikawa tooru say that to a boy bc wowza the school loves him so much that hes a bi icon in seijoh and hes such a king like who cares?

but they were surprised to see you turn red, the tips of your ears to the base of your neck were all flushed

‘see? so cute, right, everyone?’

KSDFJLSDKJFS

THE NERVE OF THIS MAN

the class didnt say anything except just put their heads down bc as much as they wanted to agree with oikawa at how suddenly hot you looked, they were too scared that you might plummet their faces to the ground

maybe thats when everyone started noticing you more

again, you were very quiet, you didnt talk much, you just sat there and listened so obviously you didnt really stand out but then that outburst made you more noticeable

you started seeing girls in your class staring at you then blush and look away abashedly

then the guys in your class started greeting you, even people in the hallways

ngl the attention you suddenly got was overwhelming

especially when oikawa seemed to call out to you all the time now

as you were walking down the stairs, hed see you and he’d shout and wave to you

‘m/n-chan! hiii!!!!’

his loud voice would make everyone turn and look at you and you dont do well with public attention so you turn red and you glare at him

‘shut the hell up, idiot. and dont call me by my first name. we’re not friends’

you turned to walk in the classroom but you looked at him again after taking a few steps

there he was

smiling and giggling with those girls

all he does is smile and giggle and shit

its so damn fake that you cant believe everyone fell for it and the worst thing is oikawa’s doing it to get everyone’s acceptance and validication

it was pathetic and disgusting

poor oikawa :(

now on to baby flatttykawa side,

he was kinda hurt by that

like how the heck are you not friends when youve been going to high school for 3 years?

sure, its only been casual greetings and him waving at you when yall made eye contact

but its still something, right?

right?

when you walked back into the classroom, tooru cant help but feel down at the declaration of the lack of friendship you had

his form slouched and his eyes trailed down but the voice of some girl brought him back to where he was and to fix his attitude

‘oikawa-san? are you okay?’

the others muttered in concern with her but they were eased when he raised a peace sign with the signature smile

‘yep! all good!’

GOD I REALLY CANT STAND IT WHEN HE USES A FACADE TO EVERYONE BUT LIKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BC HES SUCH A STRONG CHARACTER THAT DOESNT BREAK AND HES SO INSECURE AND IT PAINS ME SO MUCH THAT HE FEELS THE NEED TO HIDE BEHIND A MASK EVERYDAY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

truth be told,

oikawa has always noticed you

not only do you work at the one bakery with his milk bread but you also work at the convenience store that the team sometimes visits

then he also noticed you picking up your brother from the volleyball practice that takeru’s part of and he cant help but frown at the eyebags under your eyes that he always sees

he lies awake at night just thinking how you would look without those eyebags, without the sickly looking complexion, or even just the lack of life in your eyes

then during class, you sat by the window

tooru knows this bc his eyes always fixes itself on you whenever he opens that door and he has to hold in the need to hug you when he sees you sleeping on your desk

others might call you lazy

others might call you a video game all nighter kid

but they dont notice the things you do

the nervous habits hes seen from you at the times that tooru couldnt help but stare

he knew it was creepy to do it

but you were so silent

you blended yourself into the background and you made sure to stay there

thats why nobody knows anything about you

with good looks like yours and a smart brain (he knew this from mattsun and makki being your students), why exactly were you not known?

maybe thats why it drew you to him

all his life he chased,

but now hes the one chasing?

tooru knows that your left eyebrow lifts when sensei writes something you dont understands

tooru knows that you like to do sudoku in the convenience store while you worked

tooru knows you eat the same meal during lunch every day from the same lunchbox

and he also knows that your brother talks so highly about you from takeru

the little things your brother brags about like your ability to cook f/f or your weird ability to just assemble something without looking at the instruction manual

he notices and knows all these things about you

things that people never really even bothered to

oikawa didnt even know he liked you until iwaizumi pointed it out during lunch

the third years liked to go and eat at the rooftop where it was nice and windy

oikawa was sitting and leaned against the tall wire fence, his eyes fixated on you down below on the bench as you ate your lunch

then you accidentally loosened the chopsticks causing your food to slip off

that made oikawa giggle

he was chuckling and giggling that the others noticed him when he suddenly went quiet

‘oi, oikawa’

makki nudged him back to them and tooru flinched before smiling at them

‘hm? so you do notice me!’

iwa glared

‘idiot. of course we do. youre laughing over there like some damn schoolgirl. did one of your fangirls posses you or something? if not, cut it out. its ugly’

oikawa shot him an offended look

‘what?! iwa-chan so mean!’

mattsun took the liberty to peer over the edge to see what he was looking at and smirked

‘eh? were you looking at l/n-sensei?’

oikawa blushed, feeling like he just got caught doing something bad

‘and what about it? im looking at you too, right now, mattsun!’

makki cackled at oikawa’s poor attempt of reasoning

‘i mean, i dont blame you. if issei wasnt here, id definitely get with him’

SEDKLFJSDLFISDKFJ MATTSUHANA YALL :”)

oikawa’s eyes wandered back down to you and he noticed you put the bento box to the side before sneezing

‘gosh, even his sneeze is cute’

he mumbled then jolted when he heard his own words

iwa sighed

‘what are we going to do with you, shittykawa?’

‘what?! what did i do?!’

iwa’s eyes scrunched and he scrutinized his best friend

‘boke. i feel bad for that kid, doesnt know this stupid idiot likes him’

so thats how oikawa came to terms of it

he thought he was just interested and fascinated with you but he really does like you

and to be honest, he doesnt really want you to know that bc duh, you dont like him so why bother?

baby oiks doesnt interact with you much anymore bc he knows you get uncomfy with attention but he still does look out for you and decides he should just admire from afar

he will live every day just holding his feelings in for you and one day they will disappear

but today just wasnt the day

maybe today was the start of the worst yet the best part of your life

last night was particularly rough as the convenience store you worked in had a drunk person who wanted to fight with you and your manager had to call the police and it was just a mess

to add on to it, midterms were around the corner-like next week- so you were studying up for that

but your sister got sick so you were also trying to take care of her and making sure her fever was going down and her crying ever few hours about her tummy ache didnt allow you to sleep

hehehe single parent working late tingz

ALSO SHE DOESNT HAVE MISS RONA JFC

so yep haha you did NOT get any sleep

so you walked into school that morning, looking tired as hell and mad as hell but you just wanted to sleep bro

the one kid you tutor, matsukawa issei, and his friend who usually tags along, hanamaki takahiro, noticed you dazedly pass them in the hallway and poor dudes felt bad for you

mattsun actually pays you to tutor him bc he knows you need the money while taka preferred to buy you snacks and drinks as compensation

so it was normal that he had an energy drink in his bag that he was going to give you tomorrow during your tutoring day

‘oi! l/n!’

your head perked up at the call of your name and you nodded in greeting at the light brown haired boy

‘hey’

you muttered and mattsun placed his hands on your shoulder to keep you upright

‘oi, l/n, you sure you want to be here? you can go home and we can tell them youre sick or some-’

but you waved your hand

‘nonono todays an important lecture so i cant miss it’

the two guys didnt look convinced but they respected your need to be in school since they too need to be in class for midterms

‘here. at least take this’

makki placed a drink on your hand and you nodded and gave them a small smile

‘thanks’

you mumbled before wandering off

once they saw you at a distance away, makki wrapped an arm around issei to get his attention

‘ya think we should tell oikawa to keep an eye on him? make sure he doesnt keel over and die or somethin?’

mattsun stopped before nodding

‘yea thats a good idea’

SKLFJLSDKJFD NOT MATTSUHANA BEING YOUR PARENTS

oikawa was already in class when you walked in and he cant help but tear his eyes away from the girls to you as you sluggishly walked to your seat

the drop of your bag and the thud of your head meeting the desk made him worried bc you looked worse than usual

his phone buzzed and he checked it to see a message from mattsun

‘keep an eye out for your boyfriend. mightve been working late last night and yanno how he is. just watch out if he faints or something’

okay that made him super worried

totally ignoring what mattsun called you, oikawa knew he needed to talk to you

but these fangirls were the first problem

he shut his phone off and looked up at them with a grin that made them madly blush

‘ladies, class is about to start. oikawa-senpai would hate for you to be marked. so study hard for me, okay?’

like hypnotized cult members, the girls ran to their classrooms and tooru finally had the opportunity to talk to you

he stood up and walked over to your seat

‘m/n-chan’

he called out, looking down at you

‘m/n-chan’

he tried again and was about to put a hand on your shoulder when your hand snatched it

‘dont touch me, oikawa’

you grumbled and tooru furrowed his eyebrows

‘m/n-chan, i just wanted to ask if youre okay’

he whined and you didnt bother to look up but just let go of his hand

‘i was until you came over, idiot’

ouch

tooru was thankful that the teacher came in then and there bc he didnt know how to respond to that

he wanted to brush it off but it hurt him a little

and he knows he shouldnt entertain his crush on you but he couldnt looking at you and watching as you got up to use the bathroom

as class went on, oikawa was starting to worry

now again, hes no stalker bc his observation skills were just phenomenal due to volleyball

so he noticed that youve been in the bathroom for like 20 minutes now

DONT JUDGE US, OIKAWA. WE’RE JUST TRYING TO PUSH OUT THE BIG PIECE OF-

okay nevermind

anyways

tooru, worried that something happened, raised his hand to go and use the bathroom and the sensei wasnt exactly paying attention so he just let him go

thank god he has long legs bc he was able to reach the bathroom quick and he stifled a shriek when he saw your passed out form inside

‘M/N-CHAN!’

he yelled and he cursed when duh you were alone and who knows how long youve been there

and ew bathroom floors is bleh

you were in no way light but you werent exactly heavy either so he was able to muster up all his strength and hoisted you on his back

tooru’s heart thrummed in his chest and he knew it couldnt be that serious but he cant help but think of the worst

and yep

the nurse just told him that your heartbeat was okay and you were snoring so you mustve been exhausted by the dark circles in your eyes

‘keep an eye on him for me. i have to tend to midoriya over there. the kid broke his arm again and i dont know how’

she grumbled at the end but tooru didnt care as he sat on the chair next to your bed

he sighed before laying his head on the cot by your hand

his eyes settled on your face and how peaceful it looked

gosh, you really were so cute

your personality just sucked ass

constantly telling him to shut up and calling him idiot

hmph

not long after oikawa fell asleep, you woke up and cursed, immediately realizing you fainted and you missed class

as you were going to rub your eye, there was weight on your hand and you looked down to see a head full of brown hair that could only belong to a certain someone

a certain idiot

‘oi. oikawa, wake up’

you shook his head and when he didnt budge, you just pulled your hand from under him making him jump awake

at first, he was confused

looking around like a lost puppy and his eyes bleary

yea it was cute and what about it

then he noticed you sitting up and he smiled

‘you feeling better, m/n-chan?’

he asked, leaning close

but you placed your hand on his face to push him away

‘yea. and stop leaning so close, idiot’

you grumbled and he whined

‘youre so mean, m/n-chan! i was so worried about you!’

he complained and you rolled your eyes

‘i didnt ask you to be, idiot’

SLDKFJSDLKFJKL M/N IS SO MEAN WHAT THE FAK

oikawa frowned

‘i cant help it. i like you, m/n-chan’

you froze, looking at him with scrunched eyebrows

then you chuckled dryly

‘yea, okay sure. im okay now so you can go to class’

wOW OIKAWA DESERVES BETTER WHAT

tooru was taken aback

‘wh-what? thats it? after i just told you that i liked you?’

you blinked at him

‘what do you want me to say about that, oikawa? how do you want me to react? im not like your fangirls, squealing and shit’

your words cut deep in him and oikawa held your arm

‘no wait a minute. what do you mean by that? do you not believe me?’

‘who the hell believes something that’s fake?’

there was a snip in your tone and oikawa knew you were talking about this facade of his

‘what? i-’

‘you think i believe you? you telling me you like me? do you even know who you are?’

you asked and tooru sniffled, eyes staring at your chest

‘for years, you told people what you wanted them to hear, regardless if you meant them or not. not once have you ever told them no. who the hell accepts chocolates when they dont even like them to begin with?’

at that last part, oikawa snapped up to meet your eyes

‘how did you know’

you rolled your eyes

‘our brothers are friends, idiot. he gave him some of the chocolates you gave to takeru since the brat couldnt eat them all’

oddly, that brought some warmth in tooru’s chest

so he wasnt the only one who knows the stupid stuff

but you continued on your rant

‘for a guy who doesnt like sweet stuff, youve accepted their nasty treats all the time, like why? oh, wait i know why, because you want them to like you. it doesnt matter if-if this-this persona of yours isnt real because as long as they like you, you dont give a fuck. isn’t that true? am i right? because please, prove me wrong’

maybe your dislike for him came out at that tangent and you half expected him to cry but you were surprised when he glared at you with teary eyes

‘i will. ill prove you wrong, m/n, that i do like you and i will make you like me. ill make you like me with the real me. i swear.’

‘mhm. okay. sure, oikawa’

do you regret it?

i mean,,,

kinda?

but not really?

because you loved watching the girls faces fall when oikawa rejected their treats the next day

you were walking to class when you noticed him with his cult by the entrance and you saw him smiling at some girl before gently pushing away a can of cookies

‘gomen. i actually dont like sweets that much anymore. if you want, you can give me milk bread?’

you stopped and oikawa caught your eye and he grinned

you nodded in greeting before continuing to walk

but he noticed a small smile on your face and gosh oikawa sighed like a lovesick fool

it took iwaizumi to finally send him back and his fangirls were looking at him worriedly

‘could you be less obvious, shittykawa?’

rip iwaizumi hajime in episode 546546546 of daily adventures of oikawa tooru

you noticed that oikawa has started to become distant with his fangirls and hes been sticking to you during lunch, leaving behind the others

makki and mattsun looked like proud parents as they peered down over to you flicking oikawa’s forehead and they smiled

‘god, that kid deserves this’

‘hah? that sounds like more of a punishment to me. but i dont care. it takes him off our hands for a while’

IWA I SWEAR HES SO MEAN BUT HE STILL WUVS TOORU SO ITS OKAY

oikawa would pick your brother up and take him home when youre too busy to go get him yourself and sometimes, he even takes your little sister too which causes them to have a mini sleepover and you sleep there too

also, whenever youre working in the convenience store, tooru would buy sandwhiches and a drink just for you so you can eat them while youre on break and not have to waste money and you told himyou dont want him spending money on you but he doesnt wanna hear it

‘i dont want you buying me-’

‘ssshhhh dont. im doing this because i want to and becaus i care for you, m/n-chan’

overtime,

yea

sure

youve started to like him

youve started looking forward to seeing his stupidly cute face and his stupidly cute giggle

you went to his games and gave him a tight hug when hes about to play as a ritual for good luck and you would open your arms for him wide whenever he wins

then he didnt

against shiratorizawa, you noticed how he was so disappointed

even as you walked home with him, he continued to smile and tell you how good his team played

until you couldnt take it anymore

you pulled him over to some alleyway and you pushed him to the wall

DSKLFJLSDKFJLSDFJ WOW WHAT

oikawa nervously fiddled with his jacket and gave you a shaky smile

‘m/n-chan, what are you-’

‘tell me what youre feeling right here, right now. no bullshit, no lies, tell me everything in that pretty head of yours’

you deadpanned and tooru looked away

‘im fine’

‘are you lying to me, tooru?’

your voice was even but he could tell you were serious

he gulped before taking in a shakey breath

‘im fine. so stop asking about it!’

he exclaimed and you sighed

‘listen, i know its not official yet but you want me to be your boyfriend right?’

tooru flinched before he flushed at the word ‘boyfriend’

then he nodded

‘as your boyfriend, you have to lean on me, tooru. i dont want you to hold it to yourself because i wanna be there for you and i want to go through everything with you because i,,,,,’

you stopped and hesitated, debating if you should say it or not

‘because i like you, idiot’

you confessed and swallowed thickly

oikawa met your eye and his eyes watered

‘im so angry! im so disappointed! but i know my team did their 110 percent! we’re just not strong enough! so its not their fault! but ushijima is such a freak and hes too strong and its not fair!’

he complained and he cried loudly

not once in the 3 years of knowing oikawa have you seen him cry and you were so proud of him for being able to trust you enough to show him being vulnerable

you rushed forward held him close to your chest

‘for what it’s worth, you looked so incredibly hot and cute playing’

you whispered and pecked his neck

of course oikawa couldnt hold his surprise at the feeling of your lips on his neck so he squealed a little

you gigled and continued holding your boyfriend close, even if it was at some nasty alleyway

yall became official and ngl, they didnt see this coming

some nobody dating the grand king oikawa tooru?

what in the wattpad?

yall know that tiktok of like ‘guys you cant dm me anymore. i have a girlfriend now. what else? and i love her’

IF YALL DONT KNOW IM SORRY

but you totally made oikawa tell his fangirls that

YOU KNOW THE FUNNY THING?

when yall became official, you actually gained your own little fanclub

maybe its because you gained clout from your boyfriend but they started noticing you and wowza you were hot

before, it was you getting jealous over tooru but now, it was him getting possessive of you

hes such a brat that he sits on your lap before class and youre just all smirking and feeling all good bc your baby is so cute when hes jealous

YOU CANT DISAGREE THAT HE DOESNT RADIATE UKE ENERGY

but all oiks has to do is pull down your collar and expose your purple littered collarbones and they will know who you belong to

theres a reason why iwa-chan is now the kids babysitter

youre still kinda cold and distant to people but youre soft for your baby and you always hold him close when hes in sight and you just cant get enough of him

:’)

also!!

your sister loves dressing you up and oikawa has his sisters makeup and they both do your makeup and you guys have tea party with the boys and just the cutest domestic stuff

you still call him idiot though

but like affectionately yanno?

and over the years youve turned it down to dummy

and ngl tooru loves it when you call him that

what in the dumbification-

because he knows that equivalent to babe from you and he absolutely just loves you lmao

youre def the more quieter and calmer one in the relationship like you absolutely dont react much

while tooru is the overreactor and hes very animated with his facial expressions and stuff

like the one time

he was cooking some chicken pasta and you cheekily grabbed a piece of chicken and he made a dramatic gasp

‘*le gasp* oikawa m/n how dare steal a piece of chicken!’

you cackled before crossing your arms at the sight ofyour lover with his pursed lips and hands on his hips

‘excuse you. its more of you who’d take my last name’

it was so easy to make him flustered and tooru quickly turned around to tend back to the food but he was really just hiding his red face

‘b-baka. thats not going to happen’

‘not if i do it first’

you shrugged and smirked, wondering if he will fall for it

and as expected with oikawa tooru

‘yea okay sure’

‘i will!’

‘prove me wrong, m/n-chan~’

‘turn around right now’

oikawa rolled his eyes playfully before turning with a smile

‘what are you-*le gasp part 2*’

his hands covered his mouth at the sight of you there in front of him, kneeling on your knee tightly clutching a silver ring between your thumb and index finger

your heart was thrumming in your chest but you gulped and smiled

‘i win. now marry me, dummy’

oikawa screamed

a/n: sorry if this sucked booty :((( but i just really like the thought of uke oikawa and just him with a cute boyfriend for a change like please we all know oikawa is a bi king and thats on docosahexaenoic acid

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brelione · 4 years

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Intervene (Barry X Reader)

Request:could you write a fic where Rafe is hitting on you at a party, but doesn't realize your Barry's girl? Rafe does something gross/awful and you take offense. Barry just stands back and watches you handle the situation, only stepping in before you go too far.

TW:Harrassment,sexual innuendos.

Being Barry’s girl meant helping him out at parties.Carrying a pistol,weed and coke for when shit started happening.It was one of those huge ass kook parties with loud music and plenty of stupid teenagers that were looking to buy.

Barry never forced you to leave the trailer, letting you do whatever you wanted most of the time as long as he knew where you were and that you were safe and had your phone on you just in case things went south and broke out into a fight.

He always made sure you were armed, didnt matter where you were going or who you would be with.He always had you carry a gun or a knife.He cared a lot for you, you were probably the one person on the island that he actually gave a shit about.

He remembered meeting you and immediately having an attraction to you, not just to your appearance but your overall aura and the way you spoke.He had listened to every word, the way you began to stutter when you were nervous.

He knew how you would act at parties, secretly watching you like some stalker.He admired the way that you’d take their keys, hiding them and writing a note on their leg for when they were sober enough to see properly.

You’d stay with the younger folks that were doing hard drugs to make sure that they wouldnt overdose or accidentally hurt themselves.He couldnt understand how you had the space in your mind to care about these random clients and he couldnt understand why he cared about you either.

It made him smile when you brought the money back to him, listening to the rules that he had given you and bringing back just as much as you should have.

Most of his workers would take some of the money from themselves or spend a fraction on something but you never did, not until he told you that you could when he found out that you lived in a shed with a shitty mattress on the floor with a battery powered lantern.

He would invite you over so you could sleep in a real bed and then at some point you had moved in with him.He didnt even know how he ended up falling for you and kissing you good night, hugging you from behind and pulling you to sit in his lap while he played a card game with a client.

He had noticed little things about you, how you were ready to fight anyone that dared to talk back to him.You were the only one allowed to do that and for anyone else to do that was a direct attack on both you and Barry.

Tonight Rafe had a good amount of shit on him,looking for people that were stupid enough.He had seen you at Barry’s plenty of times, never understanding where you were or why you were there.

Barry had gone to get alcohol,letting you roam free.He liked to watch you in your natural habitat,easily getting the crowds to split so you could get through.He sipped a beer,keeping an eye on you,chuckling when he noticed Rafe approach you.

He knew how much you hated the tall boy and how annoying Rafe was.He was excited to see how things would play out, a smirk on his face, taking a quick shot of fireball before turning to watch again.

“Hey beautiful.”Rafe smirked,refusing to move out of your way.You rolled your eyes,going to move around him only for him to grab your arm,squeezing your wrist. “Dont try to ignore me.”He whispered,his eyes moving down to places that they shouldnt be.You knew that you could easily destroy him, not feeling worried because you had the upper hand.Rafe just didnt know it yet.

You sighed,attempting to move past him again. “What?You think you’re too good to have a conversation with me?Dont be like that.”He chuckled,pretty much undressing you with his eyes.It was absolutely disgusting. “Im a fucking pogue,you’re not my type.”You hoped that would work.

You knew how much he despised the residents of The Cut.He shrugged, not really caring. “Doesnt matter,you’re hot.”He replied,biting down on his bottom lip. “Get the fuck out of my way.”You repeated, not backing down.

His smirk turned into nothing but emotionless,staring down at you and gripping your waist tight to hold you in place.You knew him as Rafe Cameron or ‘Country Club’.You had heard his name thrown around, mainly from Barry and the kids that Rafe terrorized.You couldnt even imagine being so pathetic that you started to beat up 16 year olds that were just living their lives.

He was a coke addict,an asshole and an all around terrible guy.He would stare at you whenever he saw you in Barry’s place,whether it be on the bed or in the main room with a blunt in between your fingers.His eyes would go wide when they fell on your practically bare chest,his face flushing and looking away quickly.It was annoying as all hell.

“Do you know who the fuck I am?”He asked,fingernails digging into your skin. “Yeah?You think youre cool shit?Nobody gives a fuck who you are.”You snarled at him,scratching up both his wrists with your nails,creating red bloody lines.He stared down in horror.

“You fucking bitch-I should punish you.”He grabbed at both your wrists,seeming like he was trying to throw you to the ground but not succeeding.He smiled a bit,licking his lips. “Can you imagine if I fucked you?You’re gonna look at me and tell me youre not interested?”He asked, looking you up and down.Managing to get one of your arms free,grabbing your pistol and holding the cold metal against Rafe’s chest.

Barry sighed,finishing his beer,deciding to intervene before you pulled the trigger.If it were anyone else he probably would’ve let you shoot but because it was Rafe he would lose half of his business if the son of a bitch was dead.Rafe watched,eyebrows furrowed as Barry came up behind you,his arms locking around your waist,whispering in your ear.

“You wanna shoot him, baby?Go ahead and do it.Or you can let me punish the bitch, your choice.”He kissed your temple,smirking when you let out a sigh and dragged the cold metal down Rafe’s chest and put the pistol back in its place.

“What did I tell you about messing with my shit?”Barry asked, squeezing your waist with a grin on his face as Rafe’s eyes widened, gulping. “Huh?You’re not gonna answer me?”Barry was holding you by his side,a smirk on his face. “I-I dont...you said not to mess with anything.”Rafe mumbled,staring at your gun nervously.

Barry nodded,squeezing your waist. “Yeah,that includes my girl.”Barry glanced over at you, Rafe’s heart dropping into his stomach.He didnt know that you were Barry’s.He had seen you around the trailer plenty of times,even seeing you on Barry’s bed in just your bra and underwear but he had assumed you were just the drug dealer’s fuck buddy.

“I-I didnt know...im sorry.”Rafe mumbled, not quite satisfying you. “Why are you apologizing to me?Im not the one you tried to fuck, what?You dont got any respect for my girl? Fuckin misogynist ass.”Barry glared,thinking about a million ways he could absolutely pulverize the kook in front of him.

You chuckled,your arm around Barry. “Yeah, rich bitch.You want me to fucking shoot you in that ugly face of yours?I think your brain would look pretty great splattered across the ceiling.What do you think,Bear?”You asked your boyfriend,noticing the way his eyes were twinkling at the way you were being so assertive.

“I think it’d look great,some color in this fuckin prison lookin place.”Barry agreed,looking up at the bare ceiling. “No-no,please!Dont kill me-im sorry.Im sorry, I didnt realize.”Rafe stuttered,making you laugh.

“What?You’re only sorry because you know that im Barry’s bitch?What if I wasnt?”You asked,rolling your fingertip over the trigger of the gun.Rafe licked his lips,not knowing where to look or what to do.

“I just...I didnt mean it like that.”He muttered, quite literally about to shit his pants. “You didnt mean what?Didnt mean to what?To bruise me or say rude shit to me?Which is it?”You asked,watching Barry’s jaw clench.

You hummed when he didnt answer, lifting up your leg and kicking him hard in the crotch.The boy collapsed,gasping for air.You pulled Barry’s arm off you,kneeling down and grabbing Rafe by his hair,pulling his head up before slamming his face onto the tile and sending his teeth through his bottom lip.

You smiled,giggling as you grabbed Barry’s hand. “Alright, lets go home.”You smiled up at your boyfriend,kissing him gently before leading him out of the large house.Rafe’s friends were rushing towards him and trying to figure out what happened.

You couldnt care less, Rafe Cameron’s friends were a ton of pussies that wouldnt dare to mess with someone that had a gun.Barry twirled you around, chuckling as you got into the car, his hand on your thigh as he drove. “He was scared shitless, baby.Its cute when you’re all defensive.”He grinned,pulling in behind the trailer.

“Shut up.”You answered,going inside and getting on the bed,emptying your pockets of drugs,laying down properly.He came in a few moments later,stripping into just his boxers and his tanktop,climbing into the bed next to you, pulling one of the many blankets over the both of you with a sigh. “You shouldve shot him.”He grumbled. “Yeah, maybe next time.”You kissed his forehead.

@outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off

If you’d like to be tagged in all future JJ imagines/headcannons/series comment with a heart,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Pope imagines/headcannons/series comment with a smiling face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Rafe imagines/headcannons/series comment with a frowning face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Kiara imagines/headcannons/series comment with a question mark and if you’d like to be tagged in all future Sarah Cameron imagines/headcannons/series comment with a plus sign.If you’d like to be tagged in all Kelce content coment with a “>” and if youd like to be tagged in all Topper content comment with a “%”.If you’d like to be tagged in Barry imagines/headcannons comment with a purple emoji.Or if thats too complicated you can just comment whose name you’d like to be tagged in.

#barry outerbanks #barry obx #barry #barry x reader #outer banks #outerbanks fanfic #outerbanks imagine #nick cirillo #outerbanks #rafe cameron #rafe obx

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dunewizard · 4 years

Text

Autistic Acceptance Month Challenge - Day 3

All the Questions are Here! April 3: Talk about special interests. Do you have any? What are they? How long have you had them? What does it feel like to have special interests? What does having special interests mean to you? Talk about your past special interests

Editing Note: “HA - of course the Special Interest Question took the longest to write and had just a WALL of text. Apologies to anyone who wants to read it but I appreciate everyone who does” _____ under the readmore _____

I have a few special interests going at the moment! At the moment after about 9-10 years I’m still in my Team Fortress 2 phase. I’m also really into Dungeons and Dragons! Aesthetically and Stylewise I’m really into Wizards and Westerns like cowboys n stuff. (though I may go into what exactly because people assume a lot from me and its just not my cup of tea)

To me, a special interest is an interest or an idea that I really love, and will defend with all my heart to keep doing. Its something that gives me purpose, but also gives me peace. It keeps me grounded in a topic that I can fall back onto - which is why it helps to seek out friends who at least share a little bit about your special interest, so that they can see where youre coming from when you wanna talk about it! I know its not mandatory, but I remember loving just HOW much I knew about the Fable series! Back in the day that was a big one for me, so I remember if my mum or sister ever needed me to sit still for some reason, they’d ask me about Fable stuff. Sure it feels dumb nowadays to think about but I guess at the time I was excited and thought they wanted to know!

I’ve heard from others that its a hyperfocus on a topic, and knowing every little in and out of it. I remember being so mad about this when I heard from a neurotypical friend that he had an “Autistic level” of interest in Fighting Games. I asked him if he was autistic and he said no, and I knew it was no too. So how could he know what an “Autistic Level” of focus looked like? Just because he worked with them as a teacher? No way. For example, I am learning new things about Team Fortress 2 all the time! I don’t retain them that well, because a lot of it is console commands but I always am down to hear about things going on in the community, and if I’m online and someone wants a game - I’m pretty much ready to drop everything I’m doing and joining them! I don’t know everything about the story, or the characters (even though theres not much) - I don’t have an encyclopedic knowledge of it and I most likely never will. My love for TF2 comes from playing the game! I just love playing it! I love that I can dress myself up as a cowboy or a Wizard or whatever I like and absolutely pubstomp some new players! (but then of course tellem GG and hope to see them again soon! - yknow, nice player stuff). People say the game is dying but If I can join a server and its completely full? Nah no way the games dead. Just wish Valve would pick it up from time to time.

But that last paragraph made me think of something, I ramble! I think thats a common trait with Autistic people, and its one I definitely have. I generally have to be stopped because I don’t know when is the right time! Sometimes I just have so so much to say on a topic because its finally something I can talk about!! I’m known as a quiet type, often being reserved and keeping to myself. But if I’m talking about Solar Farms, Piling, or my hobby intrests like TF2 and D&D I can’t stop, man.

Other special interests I’ve had in the past were (I’ll list em but maybe comment on honourable mentions) 1) Solar System + Planets specifically 2) Dinosaurs 3) Dragons - Hon Mention: I had like over 30 dragon statuettes just around my room and often I would stim by poking their horns! I thought they were SO cool. 4) Tim Burton Films - Other than TF2 one of my longest running SIs, but I’ve been over Tim Burton films maybe since I decided I wouldnt defend Dark Shadows. I wasnt a big fan of that movie and I stopped keeping up with stuff TB made since. 5) Skyrim, and Fantasy Games in general. 6) Borderlands, this series was very intoxicating for me. I remember at the time I started dating a girl overseas about a day or two before Borderlands 2 released, and then when it came out, I played the game so much with my best friend Jake that I forgot I was dating them - and forgot to speak to them for about 3-4 days. They thought I died? Or something? It was wild! They were very mad and hated Borderlands afterwards because of it. Anyway I did want to briefly mention near the end of the post about how one of my main loves at the moment is Wizards and Cowboys. Its funny like. Wizard media on the whole I love with all my heart. But cowboys??? No. Honestly, not at all. In fact I think I really dislike almost all cowboy and western media. What I do love with all my heart and soul is the movie The Good The Bad and the Ugly!, also the whole Dollars Trilogy, and on that- the idea and persona of The Man With No Name.

I see cowboy content and I can’t stand most of it.

Though an exception to this would be video game cowboys, and gunslingers. I also love it so much when people see a Gunslinger like Jesse McCree in Overwatch, or even just flat seeing The Good the Bad and The Ugly with people who know to call me Blondie from online - and they say “Hey thats you!” :P that always makes me laugh - but I like it.

Special Interests are really important.

I think they should be celebrated and loved, so long as they aren’t helping anyone!

Happy Autism Acceptance Month!

#30daysofautismacceptance #2020

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endwalkr · 5 years

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this is an ask based thingy but im really in the mood to infodump so im just gonna answer them all under the cut !

Favorite video game?

starting off with the absolute hardest question huh? i can’t possibly name ONE favorite game of mine because i adore my favorites for many different reasons. my overall favorite video game is ffxv or botw. ffxv because it has brought me so much joy for such a long time, and because i have such a connection with the characters. botw because i was actually in the fandom when it first got announced in 2016 so i got to be there when the hype was at an all time high– and finally being able to play the game after waiting for so long was an unforgettable experience. i have more favorite games but ill talk more about them in the ‘’special place in ur heart’’ question.

First console you owned?

my first console wasn’t a console. my friend and i used to play on her nintendo dsi all the time and at one point tiny little me reeeally wanted one of my own so i saved up and got one in [redacted] when i was 7. my first actual console was a wii though, we got that around the same time.

A game that holds a special place in your heart?

ffxv and botw mean the absolute world to me, but super mario galaxy and skyward sword are very important to me too. skyward sword is the game that got me into zelda which got me into anime which got me into final fantasy etc etc etc. super mario galaxy was the first non-mini game collection and more adventure story-ish game i played. i was so proud when i beat it for the first time and mario was my first ever ‘’fandom’’ :’)

Favorite video game character?

bro. i cant pick just one so i’ll choose one per game : prompto, ryuji and link. they were all my comfort characters at some point and i projected like crazy onto them. this doesnt mean that i wouldnt absolutely die for noct or zelda.

Least favorite video game character?

i dont think theres anyone i distinctly dislike? i always talk about hating ardyn but that’s because he’s just a salty bitch. as a character i think he’s a great villain and i rly love him. i honestly always end up liking everyone somehow, maybe there is someone i just forgot about but i cant remember at all.

Favorite genre?

adventure games, or action rpgs.

Video game character you’ve had a crush on?

every character ever, but i distinctly remember the moment i fell in love with prompto sjghfkshd i was watching a playthrough of xv in december 2016 because i didnt have a ps4, and the guy got to the scene in galdin quay where the bros learn insomnia fell. i had watched about 6 hours of the game by that time and wasn’t particularly interested in the characters but not uninterested enough to drop it. i hadnt even gotten a good look at the characters faces yet, so when the camera zoomed in on prompto when he said ‘’might not be save for us here!’’ i noticed he had freckles. oh god. oh fuck. oh my god hes fucking cute. oh my god better watch 30 hours of this game now

First video game you remember playing?

wayyy before i got my own gaming systems, my then-best friend had a gamecube in her attic. i was around 5 or 6 at the time. whenever i was over at her house and we didnt know what to do, she’d sometimes propose to play ‘’mario kart’’. important is that we are dutch, and i was a literal child. i thought mario KART meant it was a fucking card game, so i always declined whenever she asked. on one fateful day, i finally gave in and was pleasantly surprised it was in fact not a card game, but a viddy game. so we played mario kart double dash. (…i had never played a video game in my life besides browser flash games and was Very Very bad)

Age you started gaming?

so i played my first video game that i didnt own when i was about 5 or 6. then i got my first supply of games at age 7/8, but i dont really consider that time to be when i started ‘’gaming’’. i’d say that was when i started mario galaxy, so i’ve been playing video games for real (ie. story adventure games with boss battles) for about 6 years now.

Hardest video game you’ve played?

this is gonna sound stupid, but the witcher 3. there’s like 7 difficulties and i played on the EASIEST and still had a hard time, i just couldnt get used to the combat. i had the same problem with assassin’s creed syndicate, but after about 10 hours i actually knew what i was doing, and ive played the witcher longer than that and still am clueless. this is kind of an unpopular opinion but i dont particularly like that game

Video game you’ve spent the most time on?

i guess i am what you’d call a casual gamer; i really like video games but during a normal school week i only game for like 2-6 hours. most of the time i dont play for like 2 weeks if im busy. gaming has kind of taken over my life not because i play so much but because i get so emotionally invested lol i’m currently on summer break and even now im not playing a lot because of exhaustion and executive dysfunction. this derailed slightly but the game i’ve played the most despite my casual gamer status is …. … …. ffxv. surprise, right? the runner up is botw, but xv wins by a landslide. 630+ hours. botw is 350. my main save in ffxv is almost 200 hours i think. damn. i really managed to keep myself entertained with that game… (………i was thinking recently, since the loading screens in xv are so long, how much of this total amount was spent watching screens. i imagine it’s several hours, especially if you fast travel a lot.)

Most embarrassing gaming moment?

many moments in my gaming experience are embarrassing, but a more recent one: i was in xv’s postgame, beating some dungeons on my new save file. i had just finished daurell caverns and hadn’t saved in about 2 hours. (uh oh) i was driving around in the regalia type d and got to the big cliff near lestallum, and remembered someone made a gif of jumping in there so i wanted to try it too. i imagined the game would just put me back on the road, like it does when you crash into something. except it didnt. i got a game over. where was my last save? 2 hours back all the way in hammerhead. yippee.

Scariest video game you’ve played?

i never play horror games, cuz for me games are supposed to be relaxing experiences. no hate towards horror games of course, they just stress me out. the only time ive played horror is when friday the 13th was for free on ps+, and my friends really wanted to play it. (theyre kinda addicted to it now. huh) they had already gotten over the initial fear of having jason chase you, but i was still terrified. i can play the game without getting scared now tho. the horror sound effects just rly freaked me out at first jhsdkghsd

Most memorable gaming moment?

playing breath of the wild for the first time, or beating it for the first time. both experiences were filled to the brim with excitement and nostalgia. seeing botw as a blank slate, a world for you to explore, having no idea where you’re going… that was pretty incredible. now i know every nook and cranny of the map, so i wish i could play it for the first time again. i was so incredibly immersed. beating it was insane. i cried for 30 minutes and the end wasnt even sad, i was just so amazed at the fact that i was really here, playing breath of the wild, it was really real. the fucking main theme in the background (which i cannot for the life of me listen to without crying) didnt help with my emotions sgkdjh

Video game character you wish you could meet in real life?

…………..its prompto again. maybe 2017 me …. was .. kind of a kinnie

PC, Xbox, Playstation, or Nintendo?

i dont care about console wars at all, but i think hardware-wise, pc is the best, because if you have a good pc you can basically do anything. i however do not, so i just play on consoles. ive never particularly liked xbox, so i only play ps4 and nintendo. not the switch though. its kinda petty, but my best friend and i really dont like the switch djghks

Gaming company you’re most loyal to?

none. i used to call myself a nintendo nerd (oh my god…. i m. gonna die) in like 2015 but since the switch came out and since i got a ps4 they kinda lost me. i still like their game series of course, but as a company i don’t care for them. the only reason i see square enix as one of ‘’my’’ gaming companies is because ffxv took up like 70% of my gaming experience, but besides final fantasy i don’t really love them too much either.

If you could only play one video game for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

atm i’m really into ffxiv because theres just so much to do, but that’s just a new, possibly temporary interest. if i had to choose, i’d say botw. maybe i’d say ffxv, but i feel like running around doing nothing in that game isnt very fun, because the world is sorta empty after completing every quest and getting to level 120. in botw, just fucking around on your horse is still really relaxing and nice.

Do you use strategy guides?

yup. in certain games i try to avoid them but i usually end up stuck or in need of advice. i couldn’t have gotten so many p5 trophies if not for the internet lol

How often do you use cheats?

never, simply because the games i play often do not have cheats. unless im playing the sims and are in need of a motherlode, i dont use them.

Competitive or single player?

single player. im bad at video games and like to do stuff at my own pace. online multiplayer can be fun every now and then in games like mario kart 8 or splatoon, and i also like teamwork stuff like ffxiv or comrades. but ultimately, i prefer playing on my own.

Video game character you want to/have cosplayed?

have never cosplayed, dont have plans to either, but it would be fun to cosplay link. omg. i just remembered i have that fucking chocomoogle shirt… sorry link im gonna slap on some sasuke hair, black jeans and ugly sneakers

Ever go to a video game convention?

i have not, i have however gone to three (3) video game concerts which is basically the same thing.

Hardest boss fight you’ve been in?

the hardest bosses for me are usually the ones with a gimmick. you have to use a certain item or tactic to beat them or something. other hard fights for me are when you fight someone with a similar skill set. (in ffxv, this happens twice, once with the iggy-noct sparring match and once against ardyn. somehow, the final boss was easier than getting the prince to eat vegetables.) i don’t know an actual example of THE hardest boss fight ive been in though. at the time, the first bowser battle in mario galaxy was the hardest thing in the universe and i got stuck for like a month. currently, i’m having trouble with the riku-ansem fight in kh1.

Video game you wish you could burn from your memory?

the zelda cdi games? no, i dont really know. i dont hate a game so much that i’d want to forget about it altogether, but i dont exactly love ocarina of time that much. it hasnt aged well and playing it on the gamecube for the first time in 2015 wasnt a good idea. im sure it was revolutionary at the time, but i cant handle the outdated controls gsdgksjs

Favorite gaming series?

see, i love ffxv itself more than the entirety of the zelda series, but i dont love ff as a SERIES more than the zelda games. so if were talking series, zelda for sure. i fucking love those games and they mean a lot to me.

Do you skip tutorials, or find them useful?

i often skip them because i cant pay attention, but then find that i need them anyway. so i usually do skim through them.

Best online gaming experience?

one really good one happened a few days ago in ffxiv, some guy and i exchanged emotes for like 30 minutes and it ended with us becoming friends on psn :’) ppl dont usually emote back at me in that game so this was really wholesome and nice gjshksdj

Worst online gaming experience?

i dont really have a worst? theyre more annoying. think try harders in gta online killing you 15 times in a row because they want to show you how good they are or something. magically, online gaming hasnt been too hard on me (mainly because i dont game online that much)

Why do you game?

it brings me joy. it’s a fun way of relaxing, while being stimulated at the same time. games have meant a great deal to me the past 6 years and i wouldnt want to lose them for the world.

#uh. i really just spent and hour and a half writing this down but ya #i love ya video games #personal #long post #like. really long

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in-paradox-space · 4 years

Text

you’re right

we are just choosing to be depressed.

you call it a cold room but I find warmth in the dark blanket of gloom.s

Why is it? We choose the feeling of sorrow over joy.

I suppose if we hold onto it long enough then we can pretend we aren’t the reason.

We can pretend there’s a we.

Who is he?

Do I need to keep toying with this idea that I am multiple.

Sure, we’re the same person, yes, we are. I need you, you need me and I need I

b u t

We wouldn’t have different desires if we got along

although

we do love each other

what was the moment

was it an indentation

a crack

a split?

when did I part ways

I remember that younger age

staring into the mirror

Yes. I love myself.

Like a magnet attracted to itself... repulsing any other who came near.

I remember

4 years old

my dad loved to show me action movies

I don’t care much for fighting now, even then I didn’t, I liked the movies though.

hehe

I remember jumping for joy at the sight of him beating my mother

It used to annoy me so much how my sisters would freak out and yelp

I noticed they’d just make it worse. It completely bewildered me, how this would happen so frequently, enough to make it abundantly clear, how every time they reacted it got worse.

If it bothered them so much then why react? Just accept it.

I accepted it... because I embraced it. I loved the violence... when it was associated with my father.

Like I said, not really much of a fighter myself. The movie scenes were always cool though. Especially enjoyed fighting with my dad, although I don’t even remember the moves he taught me I felt like he knew such huge secrets. Such unexpectable tactics, using an opponents body against them. He was the first one I learned that from, I loved it, he knew exactly what someones natural instinct was to defend themselves, so forward-thinking to use that as a means of offense.

my sisters thought I didn’t understand. I did understand.

I understood they couldn’t control their emotions.

I understood they didn’t really love their mother. If they did then they would’ve understood. They would’ve understood their role.

I understood, my mother provoked him each time.

I was 4. Knowledge is learned, but at that age, you just know things, your mind is fresh. You don’t need knowledge, before any time has passed you’ve retained enough information to already have learned.

It became clear step by step. She knew him well enough, they’d been together 2 decades or so. She understood what made him tick. I was only 4 right... I didn’t understand anything did I? Well, I understood what I saw.

She knew what made him angry. The arguments would reach a logical conclusion. They’d both reach an equal exchange. After much aggrieviation he would accept he did wrong. She wouldn’t, but he was willing to move on if she would just stop shouting at him, he understood she didn’t want to acknowledge anything she did as unjustified.

Then he’d get that look.

She must know him well enough. I mean, there’s two sides to it. If she cared about herself, she would know just to leave it be at that moment. Provoking him more would have the same result as it always had. Every other day, I remember about 3.5 years of it but who knows maybe it was before then too.

That’s enough time to recognise every little detail intuitively isn’t it?

I recognised those moments of remorse.

He’d beg her just to help him

just to cooperate.

Then. If she cared about him. If she cared about him she would recognise that any emotion is too much when someone gets to their limit. He doesn’t act like that normally. There’s a reason for it.

She just didn’t stop.

She just

didn’t stop.

The problem is

although, i cant say its a problem because I have to be grateful with my life for it

is that she started in the first place.

too stubborn to stop. much like me right now.

the truth is

I really enjoyed it back then, watching them fight.

I would love to get good looks at it

sometimes I’d shout encouragement

go on dad, punch her, yeah!

It was so exciting.

Even now, I do find some glee in the thought.

Of course, I don’t want it now, but I remember the times clearly enough.

tis a shame

they’d always ruin the moment by screaming and crying. it would annoy me so much. I’d tell them shut up.

damn

that must’ve really screwed em up

i can imagine what it felt like for someone who actually had typical baseline emotional associations for their family members

they was older than me. I imagine they watched their loving father grow more and more stressed, antagonized and relentless.

it was like, only until we got older, I was the only one who saw the horrible sides of my mother. The neglect. Neglect with the voice of a forced smile. Forced as if someone was literally holding a gun to her. Does it hurt that much? You don’t need to smile and pretend to care mum. I wouldn’t have expected you to care every time. disinterest was completely fine. shame you bottled it all up, concealed it, so poorly. that was so much worse than disinterest.

I got disinterested too you know.

Shame you had to bottle it into neglect.

I know it was hard though. I know I was tough.

Truth is.

I’d say, I’d put down cigarettes for you.

but would I? I never really did pause my games for you.

I guess we was both responsible for the cloud of smoke which stopped us sharing our air.

your mother was right

I’m sorry to bring her into such a note.

You should have disciplined me.

Funny, how I feel I’m able to blame you for the fact I’m even writing something like this.

Funny.

Now I look back.

If only you disciplined me

yeah we’ll pin it all on that

I bet if you just didn’t smoke... I can’t even imagine it.

starting at age 9

you must’ve had a real tough time back then

honestly

I would love to hear in depth what you went through

im 21

all I know is some sentences from your entire youth

childhood to young adulthood

I would love to know

every, single, minute nuance and indiscrepency of that time when you was 8

even more delightsome

every memory precursing it from 7 and even 6.

I remember the story of the little chicken you bought

a small price

you had to take it back though. your mum wouldn’t let you keep a little chicken in your room.

well.

maybe. I know its complicated

but it would have been nice if you all understood back then

that you should have allowed me to be excited and joyful, of my father beating my mother, of my mothers verbal spite returning to her in physical form.

you didnt need to shield me from the realities. I already saw every detail enough to remember it before I was 4.

No, that didn’t traumatize me.

I think, I’d be a lot (less) different if it did.

you didn’t need to shield me.

In my flowery, blossomic fantasy.

Aysh, my dear sister, you didn’t need to scream and cry.

You could’ve smiled warmly at the fact your darling brother found even this delightsome.

There’s reason to be joyful in any situation.

My older ones.

All you did was get in the way. There was no way you could stop me seeing it. Do you think, in the slower perception of time I had in my young brain, that I didn’t absorb every single speckle of detail in the scenario with the long 5 minutes I had to watch it unfold

the 5 minutes you was completely oblivious and dumbfounded

brushing me off to another side of the room wouldn’t stop me from seeing anything

besides i could hear it.

why did you even make yourselves watch it if you didn’t like it.

you could’ve stopped it too.

“mum, you’re making him angry. I know you’re upset but just be patient with him. If you give him some space to breathe he’ll show you he already loves you.”

you just had to be patient with him

I guess when you’re hooked on nicotine since age 9, your 4 year old son has taken all your patience for himself.

Around age 5.

Although, it honestly dampened my soul to do so.

I copied and imitated my sisters.

It would make them freak out so much more when I screamed in excitement.

Then it would ruin the experience.

It would annoy me so much. I still feel remnants of the annoyance now. That irritating sound of my sister ugly crying and wailing. the low, long sob. Just pull yourself together. Like, why cry so soon? Just stop. Wow. Why do you even care?

Look. I care about you... without the thought of you reacting so maternally.

but come on

why ugly cry so desparingly? Just like. why cry so much each time? It’s happened for years hasn’t it? Why aren’t you numb to it yet? It got boring. It honestly got boring.

oh same old reaction is it dad? Don’t you get tired of the same old fights and arguments mum? You both know exactly what you’ll say and act... might as well just not acknowledge each other.

You know

the most ridiculous part of it

she would always hit him first

over and over and over again

like she was literally asking for it

communicating with her hands

go on hit me back hit me hahahaha youre not allowed are you hahahaha you just have to hold onto those tears, mind if i abuse you some more, hit me back, hit me back, hahaha, what are you going to cry in front of your children? no? gonna get angry instead oh boohoo, over and over.

following him as he walked away

literally

what on earth do you expect?

what really annoyed me

was the fact she’d always get so upset when he finally fought back

and he wouldnt even hit her straight away

he’d do everything he could, knock over furnitures, shout, tell her, even plead with her, just stop, leave me alone, i dont want to argue tonight.

then she’d act like it wasnt her fault

like somehow, she didnt cause it all to happen.

she would tell us all the different ways in which he’s evil.

but she underestimated me because I’m young, i supposedly dont know anything and will believe what I hear

but i saw about 5 events a second, I’d have minutes at a time to watch before anyone else even clocked on. I’d say these things like 20 minutes to maybe 45 but its hard to tell because time was slower back then. honestly felt like 2 hours or so. bored out of my mind, not allowed to watch tv because my sisters were freaking out too much

5 minutes every other day. it becomes very easy to spot the recurring events. then notice in which order they happen. which responses only come when a certain previous event has happened. I knew, i could actually measure, by looking at him, how close to the limit he was, when he reached the limit and how further over the limit he’d need to get for it to physically manifest beyond my awareness and into acts of frustration.

either telling me no you cant watch tv right now or no look away

are you stupid

hahaha

shouldve told me to stay in my room and close my ears instead

maybe that way i wouldve been properly traumatized and scared

then maybe i wouldnt be such a freak now

because id have regular memories to talk through with CBT

but i wouldnt be scared of my father

you just took your mothers information at face value.

but i saw everything that happened.

and most of all

i didnt just hear his words. i heard HIM

i understood he had a short fuse, he got angry, sometimes he’d even smack us

but he never hurt us if we didnt do something wrong

he wouldve never laid hand on us without good reason

and yes he’d make sure it hurt but it was only enough to remember what we did and think about it.

it baffles me

how did they think he would ever hurt them

even when we made him angry

he wouldn’t do that.

he even tried his hardest, not to hurt the mother of his children

but she literally begged him to attack

legally

you cant beg, ask or plead with somebody to do something without using words

but humans dont exist within the confines of the law

They do exist within the law of the Lord.

what im saying is, although in a court of law its a discrepency

you can communicate with your body

with your energy for use of another word

with actions

how absolutely numb do you have to be to not understand, those actions make him attack you

its not even about standing up for youself

you wouldnt have to stand up for yourself if you didndt provoke him

if youd just love him and forgive him, then we’d all stand for each other

no standing alone for yourself

and only yourself, but in the long run, for nobody.

so to summarise

what im getting at is

when i was 5. i stopped expressing my excitement.

and i couldve comfortably stayed there.

i couldve just watched.

but i skipped a few steps. i decided to mimic and imitate my sisters

why? because children are impressionable? i dont know. i just did it and mimiced. it. i dont know if its because i wanted thme to think i was like them.

maybe. i was always isolated in how completely different i was from everyone else. maybe even my sister was a consolation at that point, to share a likeness to.

so for a while I would scream, and cry. i was more elastic then, it was easy to produce tears. or would i even cry? id just scream like they did. annoyingly hold onto my sisters and pretend to be scared like they would with each other

yay. were now in this together.

were doing the samre things.

ugh

that really ruined it.

they believed it. I wish they’d know me enough to know that wasnt genuine.

so i stopped

i stopped pretending

but by then i didnt enjoy it

i just found it really annoying that my mum always complained

she would cry

act trapped

all this all that

she didnt love him

and we couldnt care any less

we understood the problem would be solved if she would jsut kick him out, its not like hes holding the family together or anything

but every day no mater how much she’d annoyingly yell and screech shes gonna leave him and kick him out

she would just take him back in

for like a whole year after that

until i turned 7

it went on and on and on. the same old monotonous reactions. how can the exact same thing, being repeated over and over, incite the same emotional response each time

how on earth is it possible for you not to just lose interest by then to the point you dont even care enough to get angry

i knew i was bored of it

i just wanted to live my days

but my sisters, who, as far as i knew, had had AT LEAST 3 years to get used to this, always always had the same shocked reactions

wheres the shock? its just dinnertime.

its literally

just 7pm.

Thankfully, we had time to watch the simpsons.

it is just 7pm

this is what happens when dad gets home

why are you shocked?

is it a surprise that he didnt give her a rose and lovingly eat dinner

its not a surprise to me

your idiot little brother who didnt know anything and loves to eat up little white lies like the blind deaf imbecile he is.

why lie? like why?

youre so stupid. you always were. you always underestimated me. it was so horrible of you. to act like just because im 3 and 5 years younger than you that i know less than you, that its my job to pretend to believe your lies.

why do you think my lack of knowledge is an invitation for you to hide the truth from me

if im in this world, the same world as you, why tell me im in a slightly different world which looks feels and sounds just like the one we share.

why did you underestimate me? because of my age.

theres a difference between elasticity and plasticity.

i dont say youre stupid because youre old

why do you assume im clueless because im young

youve had your clues

why dont you humble yourself and ask me for the NEW CLUES

do you think thats it? because you noticed patterns in your upbringing that the netire world will never change? is that what you thought?

if we both respected each other. if we both understood we could teach each other

then at the least

it wouldnt annoy me so much that you would lie to me

maybe it wouldnt annoy me so much that when you tried to teach me division

you made me follow you into the bathroom, so you could hold my homework whie sitting on the toilet, just to make me watch you draw on the back of my homework sheet without even asking permission

why was that? you would always use your height and stature to avoid me coming near your room

but whenever i had something you liked, you’d take it and destroy it, share it with your friends to scribble on and cover it in glitter

there was 3 of you

you didnt need my things.

you didnt even respect what I had

so you couldnt have wanted or cared about ti that badly

if you love something you destroy it? is that what it is

so, didnt really summarise.

i think thats when my mind split apart into more than one

more than one dude

but shared

there at the same time

using different connections to understand different things then trying to combine the thought

but not really settling on one thing.

yeah

it was when

i had to pretend to be normal. when i got sick of that feeling, of them wondering why im so different, in enjoying watching my father fight my mother.

i had to pretend it upset me.

then, there was two(+?)

and the veil I hid behind

but i was flexible back then

it wasnt just faking expression, I was like method acting

and honestly it really ruined the buzz

i did a lot of pretending after that

when my father left

id just repeat stuff i heard other kids say

i thought it was so dumb. stuff i had no interest in. but i just knew, at those times in introductions and conversations and in response to certain events, the kids who had friends would react like that ... so so so stupidly. they was so dumb. you’re kids. you have such a clear mind HOW CAN YOU BE SO DUMB

maybe thats what comes with being able to trust your parents ha ha ha

and yeah

in some ways, that was worse than being alone

its like i was living

but i was already dead

please forget how many other people have already said those words and read it again like its the first time, so you can truly understand

its like i was living, yes.

but inside, the real me. I wasnt allowed to live, because as long as I lived, I would be treated like I shouldnt be. Like people dont want to breathe the air around me.

They gave me the look, the one which resembled how that part of me, behind the door, in the darkness of the light which shines through it to the back of my mind, felt, when they failed to remember the basic things which they had already been taught.

it was upsetting.

its like i was living.

but i wasnt allowed to.

so the real me had to die

just so i could pretend to be someone im not.

it went on into my teens.

id cut myself

not because i had any interest in t, i just saw how easy it wa to join the emo kids.

say you have depression, cut yourself, respect people with mental health issues, pretend to love Kellin Quinn, be bisexual and whatnot.

youre one of them

you dont even have to try when it comes to comforting them

use the same buzzwords “ stay strong “ “your skin isnt paper” “youre beautiful” if course that doesnt work now

but age 13-15. thats the way every girl i spoke to online claled me their best friend. thank you so much for always being there every night i need you

and honestly

i do feel baf for acting like they dont deserve to be honoured in speech of them/

i really really am grateful, they allowed me to feel joy, they allowed me to know what its like to have friends, i shared some resemblance to them.

im really grateful, they was there to talk to each night. even if it meant i had to convince myself i loved cats.

maybe they understand now

psychoses dont make somebody evil

neuroses shouldnt be the attractive mental health conditions which get all the sympathy

even aggressive people need empathy

they feel it too.

by the way

obviously

this was trying to paint a picture of how it all started

at least the earliest memories i stil have anyway

i dont still rejoice in the thought of my family being torn apart

and i wouldnt call my sister stupid for being upset.

im glad we’re there for each other now

i wouldnt have it any pther way

and i wish them the best

and im really really really proud of everything my sisters have achieved and even moreso all of the things they continue to do. some of them even inspire me.

#personal #long text post #family #repressed emotions

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clonerightsagenda · 7 years

Text

#tuesjade #i called what i was doing kid shuffles #just bc kidswap seems to generally be switching their designs and aesthetics around #which is cool but not what i was doing #kid shuffle #kat writes fic #? i guess

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decodervon · 4 years

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Im.. really sorry you had to see that. I do understand you're also going through some stuff. I dont know all your feelings, but this is a place to share all that stuff. Even if you're just talking to yourself and not me. In my head, you were who I could go to. And even though you arent anymore, that concept still lives in my head. That girl who took care of me. Who helped me. I know that place is yours. Your body was mine and it makes my skin crawl knowing that you're freeing sharing it with whomever. I hate that he does some stuff different or better. I always wanted to do more and better. I could've done anything like I did with going down on you, i just needed you to communicate with me. Not all of them are going to be perfect right off the bat, but I really tried with those things. I changed my hygiene routines and altered my techniques.. and look, I dont know exactly what he can innately do, but I was down to learn and change myself freely for you. I dont think a lot of people could say the same. I really REALLY wanted you to enjoy and want me.

I.. know that that cant ever be a thing now and its.. crushing. I hate that you get anything out of that.. relationship with some half-named dope. I understand it, but man, do I hate it. I wanted to be your strength. I wanted to become everything you wanted, even if that changed. I had this... dedication to you. i.. i learned it was all misplaced. i shouldn't have been so willing.. so eager to change myself for you. sorry. this paragraph is for me and my grief about it. I wanted to be everything you needed. not out of some bid for control, but out of love. out of that idea that you were my forever person and I wanted to be that for you. but I should've known that something that could never work out for me. those things never do. I'm not meant for better things like that. everyone finds out who I am and leaves me. I didnt want to become that ugly horrible person.. I had never dealt with that... that horrible feeling. that feeling I even still feel now. that feeling where its suppose to be you and me, but its really you and him. I feel weird about talking about emotional things sometimes because I know this counts as emotional support.. and its like.. I shouldn't be giving away that for free when I dont get anything out of it. it's kinda selfish and that weird "equality" way of thinking.. but its like.. I get what you mean when you say you feel used. this type of support makes me feel used. it's hard to conjure up these intense thoughts and push my ego down to have a better neutral bias and try and view it from your side.. it's tough. I've had to to work on those aspects for YEARS. enough that I dont really NEED others feedback on my emotions, because if I sit down and write, I can typically find it out myself. that's why kind words and sentiments dont mean a lot to me. that's why a lot of my deep emotion pours into the physical side. someone sharing their body with me who I care about is.. sacred. even what you did for me the other day was.. lovely. but that's why I felt so bad. because it felt so good. it was the best orgasm I've had in a while. and... I cant.. I cant get addicted to that. I can never be okay with you being in something open and me being apart of it in any shape or form. we learned that the very very very hard way.

anyways. back to topic.

I wouldnt be like that in person. seeing you. touching you, feeling you? I dont really think you understand the full scope of how I view physical intimacy. no one wanted to touch me. for so long. I got made of for it because boys are cruel and that's how they'd taunt. the concept of someone wanting to share that and care and love... is.. beautiful. I get addicted to the idea of it. I love it. I get excited thinking about who I'm with and getting to see them and everything. I am sorry this all hurts. This all hurts a ton.

I do accept your apology. This is a place of emotions and feelings. we will get mad here. we will get sad. I am ready, more than anything, to listen. Meaning, if your anger was misplaced or miscommunicated, we can talk and work on it. I'm not in the game of slow roasting you anymore. I exacted my revenge for what you did to me, and apparently it was the slowest of burns I didnt know I was even doing. like putting a frog in a pot and slowly heating up the water. I take responsibility for the shit I put you through. I stand by the fact that I didnt intentionally mean to, but i will understand that I did do it. the thing you did hurt me over a summer. the thing I did hurt you over a year. I took out my pound of flesh and I feel awful for it. it wasnt right. you, now, didnt deserve. maybe that jerky bitch of the past did.. but not this version.

I think I was around for the attempt. I dont remember much about it other than you seemed shook and visited her more often. i.. shouldnt extend myself emotionally to you, but in an attempt to help you not feel used about what you did for me, maybe I can listen and do something for you. even if it's just that.

(PS if they're harder than I know, then tell me. I know I always say I like to keep secrets, but you seem to almost HAVE to keep them.)

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skiasurveys · 7 years

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got this from bzoink LMAO.

All About My Boyfriend survey

How did it all begin...?

Where did you meet?- we met on Okcupid. a dating app.

When did you meet? -In person was Oct 3 2015.

Was it love at first sight?-No, but like 1 hour into the first date I was like wow i like him alot

how old were you both?- He was 25 and I was 18 at the time.

When did you have your first kiss? - First date, after dinner i went to his house to hang out more he asked to kiss me and so i did <3

Where was your first date?- It was at the college- we went to a supersmash bros club ahah and then the noodle house, then i went to his house to hang out and watch some youtube videosss.

How long until you met the parents?- I met his mom 2 weeks later. He met my mom pretty quick.

When was it 'official'?- Ok. Heres the trippy Part. we dated for one month, broke up, didnt really talk for a while, 5 months later we start to talk again, a month after that we started to date again and made it offical on May 10th 2016. That is our anniversary.

The good...

Whats your happiest memory of him?- Theres so many. Theres the time when we stayed up all night just talking about our future, theres when we told me he loved me so much, when he held me because i had a panic attack..

Whats the sweetist thing he has ever done for you?- slept behind a friends couch for 7 months because he didnt want to move away from me. ( we couldnt get aplace)

Does he buy you lots of gifts?- No, but I am fine with that, I dont like gifts actually. I rather him tell me he loves me and spend time with me.

Whats your favorite thing to do together?- honestly. stay up all night and get deep.

When did you know you were falling in love?- when he told me I was his best friend.

Who said 'I love you' first?- Me

Is it true love?- I think so.

How do you know this?- Never felt like this before.

The bad...

Whats his worst habit?- Not texting me back, but really hes gettings pissed at the dumbest shit ever, and hes really bad at plan making and especially when I pick him up..ill say “Ill be there at 5 PM” and his bitchass will be sleeping at 4:30

What annoys you about him?- when he talks really loud at 3 am when I was sleep, and his texting back skills.

Has he ever hurt you badly?- we did get into a fight where we hurt eachother really bad. ( emotionally).

Would he ever cheat?-No.

Has he to your knowlege ever cheated?- No he hasnt. I know he wouldnt cause I just know that if he found someone else he would just dump me

Do you trust him?- I dooo

The ugly....

Best facial feature?- his entire face

Favorite part of his body?- his strong arms <3

Hair colour?- Brown

What does he smell of?- I dont know how to explain it

Whats he wearing when you picture him in your head?- Black tshirt ?

Intimacy...

How do you feel when he holds you?- I feel safe.

How do you feel when you fall asleep and wake up in his arms?- Happy

How does it feel when he touches you?- depends ;)

Does his touch give you goose bumps?- it can

Does he kiss your neck?- Mmmhmm thats the best shit everrr.

Your tummy?- I like it.

Your forehead? It makes me feel loved idk why

Deep and meaningfull...

Could you be without him?- I dont think so.

Do you think about him constantly when your apart?- i am always thinking about him to the point where i get mad at myself cus im like bitchhhh

How long have you been together? 1 year and 2 months

Can you see a future together?- I can

Would you like to get married?- Yeah in the future.

Have children?- No. I dont want kids, nor does he

Where can you see your relationship in a years time?- I see us having a nice apartment, and im in school and he has a good job. It depends.

5 years time? Nice apartment. I dont think we will be in the same city, we are planning on moving cause his dad wants to do some buisness thing with him. Id be done school probably just starting my career.

Do you know there is definatly no-one better out there for you?- Yeah, he just suits me so perfectly.

How do you know this? I dont.

Are you scared he might find someone better? I always am. But i guess the best thing to do is be the best that I can at this moment and trust him

Is he your best friend as well as your lover?- yes

Does he come first over everyone else in your life?- No, I dont like to do that boyfriend over family/friends. I like to see my friends and hang with my family but I do know when i need to spend time with Him. I would only choose him over them if it was a serious thing, but if it wasnt he could wait.

Would you die for him? sure..but why am i dying

On a lighter note...

Whats the funniest thing you have ever done together?- theres too many things.

Say something that only you two understand- Best NA Heals.

Do you have nick names for each other? eh not rly.

Does he make you laugh? of course

Do you wrestle? sometimes. i usually do this tho cus for him to get on top lol..

Is he tickelish? yeah but im more.

Are you? ^

His Favorites...

Food? meat of all kind

Drink? water but i think mountain dew too lol

Sport? football? idk he doesn twatch sports.

Past time? Video games

Animal? cats

Aftershave? ??? he lieks to have a beard i think

Clothing style? He just wears tshirt and jeans. he doesnt care about clothes...

Band? Queen i think lmao He isnt huge into music like i am

Music? He likes classic rock, and techno/anime music lmao

Your 'things'....

Song? I cant help falling in love and wish u were here.

DVD? we dont own dvds

Place to hang out? my house or colins

Meal to cook together?- anything

Lasts...

Time you saw him? tuesday :( but i see him tomorrow.

Kissed him? Tuesday :((

Spoke to him? Just like an hour ago

The last text he sent you? an hour ago

When will you...

See him again? tomorrow night

Speak to him again?- either tonight or tomorrow morning/day whenever

Tell him you love him again? maybe tomorrow. we dont say i love you just randomly, i personally dont cause i like it to be personal.

Have you ever?

Spent the night together?- Of course. when he comes over he spends like 2-3 nights.

Been on holiday? No, but i kind of want to!

Met his parents? Yes. Just not his biological dad cus he lives far away

Had naughty time?- duh

Made him cry?- I think so by accident. i feel awful

Done anything spontaneous together?- yes

Lastly....

Is this love? durrr.

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ourletterstogod · 6 years

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i confess

Good evening Father,

i would like to start by thanking you for how much youve blessed me in these recent months, helping and guiding my way through life as a young woman. i would like to think you for even the most smallest of blessings you have given me. My place at university, my loving and commitment relationship with my boyfriend, good health, great support from my family and friends, support from my government and peace. I have felt a peace that i have never felt in a long time, THANK YOU for that Father. although i have done terrible terrible things i feel like i should confess to you now that i have a chance to. I cheated on my love Mahamed. I did. With Andre in febuary 2016- one time. but emotionally, more than 4/5 times. I would sometimes desire or fantersise that i was in a relationship with andre, question him about his whereabouts, have some time of control over him. i didnt want him, but i loved having that control so that i would feel important or just being plain greedy. he didnt want me either but it was fun to have a flirt. I lied to my true love Mahamed, i know that the more i lie the he sees ugly and an unfaithful me... i dont know how else to fix this but i wont give up on our love. With Danny, i slept with him- it was one of the most biggest mistakes of my life. what made it worst is that i told 3 other people about my affair. when i shouldnt have told anyone BUT MAHAMED. im so ashamed and im so sorry.

With the situation regarding Mrs H. working for her is was a huge mistake. we both tried to feel a gap that were missing in our families. i learnt many many many things from that woman, a lot of wise things she taught me but it was all used to her advantage to emotionally, financially and physically lock me down. the constant mind games and gilt trips, threats and abuse that were results of my awe and genuine care for her. id go out of my way to pick up her grandkids to visit. drive 6 hours to see a family member she hadnt seen in 5 years. made sure she was painfree, fed, clean and warm. i loved her. but no matter how much id be there for her, it was either ' your doing too much, thats katherines job' or 'i feel like im bothering you to do your job' she started to go through my online banking- with permission on two occasions, then when i wasnt with her at her conveince she would log on to my account to see where ive spent my money and what area. it got too much!! i started getting abuse from her estragned husband who was getting carers allowance to look after her whilst he lives with her but would gamble it all on lottery tickets and turn his phone off sho when she needed him for meals or any assistance, she wouldnt be able to get hold of him. her children advoided her too. i was always there at her defence, asking why, how can people be so cruel to their sick mother but portray this angel-like existance on social media for the world to see. they had no respect for their mother, and that image copied on to the grand children to how they treated mrs H. no manners.

even though she is how she is, she isnt well. and i hope she will always know how much ive done and cared for her. ive done more for her more than my own grand parents. but ive come to realise that i cant i always feel bad for situations i cant change. no one will never get her children to see their ways with her but i hope one day theyll see the wise, smart caring of a woman their mother is.

i hope i will be a great mother one day. ive had one abortion which i regret deeply. but im still trying to to come to terms with my descision. father please forgive me for killing my own baby. i really hope you can see why i made that choice. im still trying to better myself, at school, seeking part time work to get by, still living with my mum- 13k more to save for a deposit that i will get by your grace for my own home

i feel suicidal most days, i cant wait for the day i day. i hope i wont be scared beforehand, id like to go very peacefully or without pain. but then i think about my little brothers and how much they would needed me. they are my world. i would do anything for them. they are like my kids or what i hope my children will be like- full of life love and energy.

please bless me with the organisition skills i need to complete this course. i will not leave things last minute. and ask for help when i need it

Thank you for your blessings and time

i love you father please continue to watch over me and my loved ones please keep a successful clear path for me

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kuchipatchi69 · 7 years

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aesthetic themed asks 😎 answer them all 😎

god ham ok

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?Today probably? I listen to music when I walk around campus so i kind of sing to myself

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?If I will be happy in the future lol

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?Actually making it to college

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?Everytime I go home and see my dogs lmao, i love them so much

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?I would do whatever I want tbh, no reason to not have a good time

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?uh!god i have no idea, im honestly winging it

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.Okay so we’ll do the Big Meme @chesapeakeripperWe’ve been friends for like, over 5 years and though we had a few falling outs, theyre literally my best friend lmao. Short, Salty, yet chill, and always a good time to hangout with. One of the only people I can spend more than a week with probably. Too edgy for their own good but has a compatible aesthetic and music taste. Edgy but loves folk music? A little shady, an asshole, yells at me for dabbing too much but then proceeds to dab or get mad when i dont take advantage of the good time to do it. ALSO the only person who i feel on the same level with rhythm games in general lmao

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?Oh yeah. My parents were good and I’ve realized how nice ive had it. We aren’t rich or anything but my parents always made sure we were comfortable.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?Oh god i dont even know. OH NVM YEAH, I cried in front of my vocal teacher and I feel so much closer to her honestly.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.Ok not to be gay but ham probably lol I mean? I would feel at peace probably, because I can talk to him about anything and I wouldnt have to feel nervous or anything.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?Oh yeah, I’m an open book and Most new friends reach out to me when im having a rough time so

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?Either Ham or Cain? Idk it wasnt anything too deep lmaoW Cain we just shit talk or talk about mbmbam? or pkmn cards lets be real. Cain is my bff and ham is a good guy

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?FUCK IDK ID REALLY HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THISI’d probably tell my dad thank you and how much he meant to me

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?Great, I love them

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.“What” - anyone ever, I connect with it because I never know whats going on ever

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?“I’m out here”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?buy a lot of anime figures and also clothes and pokemon cards

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?IT DEPENDS! I can forgive people if I can see how genuine their apology is but if its something really shitty, then probably not lol

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.Are you seriousDear newly gay Sydney (I didn't start going by Sid until highschool so),I’m glad you cut your hair off, and I actually want to cut it again. I know you cut it because you were experimenting with gender stuff, which I’m also glad you did. You can stop being so edgy and a weeb? Also stop being so into yaoi it’s Really cringey to look back on (esp bc you wrote mpreg and I’m still not proud of it S M H). I don't really remember Middle School and I’m glad because you were in your scene phase and you tried way too hard, eventually became a compulsive liar and just manipulative overall.I’m a lot gayer and more comfortable now than you are, so try not to be so fake-depressed because the real thing will hit you in a few years and yeah, you’ll want to die but its fine. Everything’s okay. This is supposed to be 200 words but i dont give a shit so heres this.Your more gay, and less uptight self, Sid

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?Oh god, punk, but tired

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.I love tattoos and want to be covered in them, and I love piercings and want love them

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?idk why this is under piercings but okI do! but I also dont! I dont wear makeup 85% of the time but I have so much makeup and I love to put it on :’)

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.Y’all.... Fall out boy has literally been there for me through all my years and have been the band I go back and listen to because I didnt share their music with anyone, and It makes me feel like I can go back to before life was so hard

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.“Who gives a shit, my dude”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.Jonas brothers (lmao)- I dont talk to the people I went with, my first concert, I didnt even plan to go lolFall Out Boy- Literally one of the best nights of my life and I got to spend it with my cousin and I’m so gladTwenty One Pilots- Though i dont really like them anymore, I became better friends with Maizie, who has literally had my heart for so long and I love her so much. I love both her and Jacob and wish I kept up better contact with them

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say????????????? idk

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?My desk has: a makeup mirror, some cake, a lamp, pill bottles and anime figures. Its unorganized bc I dont work there

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?Lay down, turn on MBMBAM, and then play all of the puzzle games I have until I’m out of lives before going to sleep l m a o

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?I went to some guys house one time and he tried to get me to do coke (I didnt do it dont worry)

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?MY HAIR IS BRIGHT YELLOW RN I WANT IT TO BE CURLY THO

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?Cain, Ally, Maizie, Jacob and Julia probably. We could go somewhere spooky

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.To be happy-Idk im not as happy as I want to beTo be wanted- I have a lot of problems with self worth so To be happy w my appearance- Ive been overweight my whole life and I’ve always felt ugly lmao

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.Oh god I have no idea bc I usually just do makeup and go

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?Drunk text people how sad I am

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?im not sure tbh

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?only see one person? Cain probably only bc we get along so well even tho we get on each others nerves lmao

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.BRO okay yeah I have, it ended BADLY and a lot of people know the story. Of both the platonic and not. idk tho, its a good feeling to know someone is there for you no matter what

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?yeah, I LOOK like a 12 year old boy but its fine lmao

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?Iced coffee, 6 pumps of simple syrup and half and half. Green tea smoothie or frap OR salted caramel hot chocolate. My orders are pretty normal so

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?God, my friends. They’ve helped me so much and I could not be more thankful because I’m going through such a hard time

#criticaldensity

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cyancapricorn-blog · 7 years

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Random Stuffs with GF

I love fruits vegibles and dont care for meat, but love it cheap. i think food a nutrition. Can't this also be relative to poor community since meat is usually more expensive, but tahts untrue. fruits are most expensive. but it you think and watch me which you have been. it is possible that all my likes and such are otherworldly. i look at everything so differnt from everyone. when i see this laptop i still dont think of it as one but all the indivual parts. just like quantuam physics, how am i so easy to accept that its percentages, and not certain just because einstien used to think the same thing as i used to ?

The world can be predicted with enough info is what i used to think. which is 100% TRUE. quantum physics is the only thing that prevents this due to percentages and the human brain is not fully understood yet, but after those 2 varibles are understood you can literally predict the future, which will also disprove god. ive told this to many but they are always in disbelief. and thats mainly why i dont believe in god, because if he is true after we are able to do this, he would either be 100% known. and we would be able to find him or he would be disproven. but then how would humanity react to this. would they uprise it as blasphemy or would they move on and science would advance even futher. or would thier even be world peice. thier is so many possibilites and reading manga explores a posibility that humanity couldve taken since litterally anything is possible in this world. even though people try to disprove time travel and etc. this can be differnt timelines, universe and planes. and infact some place are more closer to another plane of universe than some might think. and this is all based in quantum physics, which is also advanceing even more as we are starting to get computers that computate in quantum physics, and the VR is getting better, if using the quantum computer and more understanig the brain, it will open up the possibility for VRMMO like in sword art online. which will be i think the pinnacle. since when you understand the brain that much you can speed the mode of thinking to almost a dreamlike state and increase the rate of study to where children can maybe be adults in knowledge wise at the age of 6 or 7, becuase they are able to learn so much. or course maturity wise they wouldnt be able to be as good. and infact you can stilll make it 18 adulthood and just increase the general populus knowledge as such. maybe to the collage graduate level. imaging even the most stupid person in this world being a college graduate. what would the world be like? but we supposedly discovered all type of particles, is that is so. how come we can make a artifical brain, much like we already make hearts? if we could use a brain for a computer, i believe that would be many times more powerful. since it is always running your body while you think more trains contemplate and even able to remember EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE and still have so much space left over, about 150 yearsor video footage. thats almost like the internet in one brain. now if we have just two brains worth as a server for a game, that would be imense and since it is a brain, at the base you can essentailly do anything with it. so if we was to have a vrmmo, it would have to be an artifical brain telling the story. much like when a DM manages a Dungeons and dragons game. and since it is artifical. it can be sped up or hell supply a base and then the VRMMO computer is an artifical brain that mimics yours and generates the world around you. being a perfectionist artist and etc. but wouldnt that also mean since we know how to make artifical brains, we can also imprint on our own brains any knowledge much like of the game prey, indeed they was using alien DNA but sci-fi isn't so sci-fi actually. since if we master the brain, some can achieve imortality, and when we are able to make an AI using a artifical brain, thier is just so much science can so. like time travel is possible to, lets just say thier is four dimensions. XYZ and Time, time which is fixed on a path traveling a certain rate and never acelerating.---hand to gf--- i cant eat vegs i been try to eat my dad most eat vegs and my mom not how i get to eat vegs but my body dont want me to eat but i not know if my son will be same you or not ---hand to bf--- yeah i understand. i actually find meat kinda disgusting like the fat, just so nasty. i dont even find spitting it out not nasty even i see. i just go i understand, but i dont unstand when i comes to vegs cause thier so yummy.---gf---i most eat fruit than meat but i just learn someone said meat more potien to good for body but fruit mean good healthy for ur body stay live longer too and vegs more good for ur brian and body tooo i want to eat salad i try every thing not agree my body i not understand why i no eat vegs i been want to eat but if i eat i will throw up when i bite my brain not agree with vegs i eat fruit most because sometime not good body.--bf-- acutally salad is made of celluslose and that is a double helix of glucose, it just cleans your intestinse since your not a cow. --gf-- my mom most make meat my dad most make vegs he work home maker plant his garden he been make me to eat vegs but my mom said no i cant eat because my mom make me eat meat most than vegs--bf-- lol like space. yeah i guess if thier is such things as gods all i can imagine is kids having fun and swapping people from differnt worlds like in anime. like who ever just imagines, hey imma plant this to eat here, because if you look at the old age plants they was ugly. black watermelons, single stalks of corn. just hidious, if we look at people who go into the forest and try to survive they build a shelter, hunt and forage. they never try to domesticate because of the time needed. its takes someones life span to demesticate, and thus the first person to do so threw thier life away for the greater goood of his community, but it happened across the globe so thier is something untold in history books that had to happen. yeah is all of humaity just appeared one day. like bout 1mil or so. since we are recent in this world. we are advancing super fast, but it doesnt matter if we can just survive by ourselves. we rely on chicken for eggs, meat. cows for milk, whats with all this technology but 0 self sufficiency. yeah its hard to do it but its nessary. like if we are able to then we will be able survive in space. first we need calories, second sleep. thats about it. yeah nutrients are important but not nearly important as your body keeping energy. we rely on plants and the planet we live on so much, we domisticated plants and animals to make it easy. including adding how to tell baby chicks apart. male and remale, even though how minor. like chickorias (flame pokemon) and the thing is that was thought impossible before. and also patriotism, i dont understand it. yeah for the nation and all, but it should be for humanity. because asains, blacks, whites. we are all humans and bones is all we leave behind. artifical gravity seems impossible due to gravitty being due to mass. ---gf--- i understand how we change to way to get world better and ur family is mess up fuck up because how ur family learn from drugs and my family hate me because i am deaf they abuse me and we cant help them change better that why i figured out no one is work all world is bad no one will help us to change nothing work that why i figured it truth i thought GOD will help it not true i not see them work out world is fuck up now---bf--- like i said if thier was a god, we are his TV. and he watches for amusment and doesnt care of our wellleing. but i dont care, since tthe only way the entire world could be change is someone like me who can understand almost every mind set lived in every country and became the top and elected a WORLD leader, that ruled over ever country and elected by every country by the majority and use military might to from others to force it and the vvotes would have to be based on science, tech, military, humantarian, and population. since 1 person with a gun can only kill three people even with (ak-47). [the reason why i say since if smart enough they would use meat shields to get close enough and the metal infused into the meat shield makes a even harder shield. inhumane but effective in a general sense] now yeah the internet is huge and everything but THE INTERNET IS A MINORITY. so alot of people are still unaware of it and unless knowing about it since little will it start to be apart of culture. so IF thier was to be a world leader it would have to be for over 70 years to be effective since the next gen will think its natural. much like how a lot of north koreans only think thier way of life is natural. like in one of the mangas i read. you can learn from drugs gf simplely really. its like a thief learns how to steal. after a while of doing it you develop skills. like how a thief knows what a royal looks like in fantasy, druggiees know what druggies look like and waht dealers look like. and if a druggy is re-hab. they can still fall back to it due to genetics and mental stimuli making thier brain in a mold. but going back to being a product of your envirment. a hero comes across a village, he has 3000 DEX but only 10 str and 20 hp. so he is weak but fast and able to escape. when the village learned, they just grabbed him and he wasnt able to escape. they planned to rape and use him and new genetic material due to all the inbreeding done. and using him as food, (since thier is a healing arua that restored lost limbs) so they chop off a lleg and cooked it. but this is all they knew since they grew up and this was thier way of life, she loved him he was her food and source of children and for the village she devoted to him. but his entire body was poison so the entire village died (unique trait he picked up) and he completely understood where they come from and its reasonable. and all of the mangas like this are reasonable and such well developed. so the sci-fi created from them is becoming more and more reality as we closer to discovering if thier was a god... going to bed? ok my love, is it ok i post this? cool.

Anyone reading this comment your thoughts, its fun to talk random stuffs.

#random #science #scifi #anime #manga #deaf #love #gf #bf #new #time travel #fantasy #text #fbi #cia #lol #randomness #enjoy #the #read

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survivoremathia · 7 years

Text

Ep. 3 "Like Hun....Drink Some Chamomile and Take a Chill Pill" - RTP

COLIN

RED ALERT.

RED ALERT. [3/2/17, 8:38:33 PM] Trevor: So ummm... I'm gonna go WHAT THE HECK. DOES HE GOTTA DO THIS 22 MINUTES BEFORE THE DEADLINE. LIKE WE CAN'T EVEN REALLY TALK ABOUT IT NOW AS AN ALLIANCE. WHAT IS HE DOING. WHY IS HE DOING THIS. WHAT THE HECK. OH MY GOD I NEED TO FIGURE OUT IF I'M GONNA GO NOW. OKAY REAL TALK IM NOT AND WILL NEVER BECAUSE IM ACTUALLY LOYAL BUT STILL. WHAT THE HECK

DUNCAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovnWp1YTRcA&feature=youtu.be To sum it up in three main points: 1. Im happy to be playing with Owen again 2. Im also just ecstatic in general to play in Ahena again, regardless of the outcome 3. On 3/2/17, at 6:25 PM, Unkie Dunkie wrote: > Fuck me up fam I’m ready to play

Oh my god! What the hell's going on over there that would make them want to come here?? Three people came here, one kinda by accident sure but like... Really? We are a sweet ass tribe but like... Really? It's like someone from London moving to come ' little town ' with only 7000 people there. Something doesn't fit. I don't like it.

RTP

Ok so we won the challenge which was awesome. I was the only one on my tribe not going to the labyrinth so fuck me eh. i feel pretty good with my ol boys alliance of matt david me and owen. hopefully we can stick it out for a while

then two people quit from odysseus and im like yasssss more ppl gone....and then there is a mutiny. i wanted to mutiny so bad just for the drama, but no one else from my tribe wanted to do it and im not gonna be the dumbass that mutinies by myself...nuh uh..... and then three people from olympus ended up on odysseus...haha omg wtf...im shocked trevor went to lydia and not to me and owen...hmm....im sus of that so now we have this reward challenge...and i make a totally normal comment like...oh hey maybe the people competing should have good survivor knowledge since the challenge is ya know...guessing survivor contestants...and duncan is like YOU DONT NEED TO KNOW SURVIVOR TO WIN THIS....like hun....drink some chamomile and take a chill pill....no technically you dont...but it sure as hell makes it easier....i guess duncan is my first target on this tribe if we lose again....whatever...bye

ROB

Yikes I doubt I made one last round. I'm basically going to rely on my Bangladesh people. I love Logan and Eddie, so they're the perfect people to work with. I like Colin too, I just need to talk to him more. Two people quit and there was a mutiny offer afterwards. Three people from my tribe mutinied when we were literally dominating challenges, sort of. We hadn't lost yet. Trevor, Sam, and Isaac were people I was wary of, so I know that I can't trust them at all since they're obviously not wanting to work with me. I know I'm not talking much, but still. Reward is basically going to rely on me since Logan and Colin aren't well-versed in Survivor and Eddie is MIA. Rip me. If we lose immunity, I feel like Colin will be the person leaving. He's literally the odd man out. Don't know if he knows it. Hopefully, at least, and in my mind. Sorry Colin. I'm screwed.

COLIN

I think I've written more confessionals for the first three rounds of this game than I did for all of PI: Malibu. Oops. But anyway.... that mutiny WHEW. Fuck those guys huh. We went from the ONLY tribe with all 7 members to......... 4 members. I knew Trevor was leaving and I lowkey had a feeling Sam and Isaac MIGHT but still for them all three to leave is such a kick in the face. That alliance between me, Logan, and Trevor lasted not even 24 hours. Not even ONE DAY yall. Hopefully we can slay these next two immunities so we don't have to go to tribal, because that would honestly suck. At least Logan and I have half the vote so that makes me feel a little bit safer, but still without majority and with the possibility of a rock draw/fire making challenge (idk how it would work if it ties) this could be devastating to my game. Anyway, thanks Trevor, you fucked over the person who trusted you the most.

ROB

Hosts are furious.

Immunity went well, bless. At least I hope so.

COLIN THIS IS MY OFFICIAL APPLICATION TO JOIN THE LOGAN FAN CLUB.

Y'all don't even know how much I love Logan. Like I am so glad I got put on a tribe with them and actually got kinda close with them. They're such a sweetheart and so easy to talk to. They are WINNING this season KNOW that. Literally my entire tribe is so cute and sweet now?? Now that the uglies and traitors have left we're all cute and adorable. God I really just hope we don't have to go to tribal at all before the swap. If I have to vote anyone on this tribe I'll cry.

ROB I think I've become the leader of the tribe. I don't want to be, but Eddie is barely here and I don't think Logan and Colin would step up to do challenges and stuff. I like everyone in the tribe and I don't want to lose these immunity challenges. The mutineers will be the first to die. Lying sucks, I'm not positive if I said yet if Sam told me he was NOT going to mutiny.

RTP

Ok so heres a pre-immunity results confessional. so my Ye Ol' Boys Club alliance is going pretty well. it doesnt seem like we are gonna be best friends but we all know its good for numbers and after that first tribal we trust each other. so that seems good for now. and knowing that we are swapping in two rounds is keeping us all from doing anything shady so that when we swap we dont have to worry about each other turning on us. that being said.... in our foursome i feel like i naturally get along with owen the best...hes the easiest for me to talk to...granted i feel pretty comfortable with all three of them....but matt just gave me some tea about the labyrinth and told me that he wasnt telling owen or david. now i have known matt for a long time and i was there for his matt fucking summers days....but i know matt has grown and thats not how he plays anymore but that reputation will never go away...there is a trick to keeping matt on your side....treat him with respect and trust what he says....if youve been friendly and honest with him he will do the same to you...and the second you question or belittle him youre as good as shit because he is already plotting your demise...hmm...treat someone with respect what a concept huh. not only that, but this makes me feel like i have a good #1 ally with matt and a good #1 ally with david. as much as i love owen i know damn well hell turn on me before trevor...and i wouldnt hold that against him...hes a good ally for numbers rn...and it helps in case i swap with trevor and can stick with him too....but i feel more secure knowing i have david and matt on my side and they are closer with me than with owen....i dont really wanna lose...but voting duncan out rn would feel pretty good...hes made some snarky comments to me a couple of times and thats really my biggest criteria for wanting people out....you sass me you get my vote

LOGAN

anyway i wanna die but yay! no loss, and im safe one more round. prayin they vote off trevor. i dont trust you.

ROB

Rob: is there an edgic? Jay: yes Rob: thanks Then I better get positive tone this episode

COLIN

OMG YES WE DID THAT. ok why am I saying we. ROB DID THAT. HE TRULY DID. MY DAD MY KING MY ICON LOVE HIM. Omg I'm so happy we don't have to go to tribal. Now we just gotta survive ONE MORE ROUND before the swap, I'm sure we can pull it off. Wish us luck <3 <3

ALI

The plan for tonight is Crow... I feel like all is going to plan, as far as I know everyone has told me they're voting Crow, bar Ryan (whose told other members of my alliance that he is) and Scott the Silent. I just lied to Crow, and feel bad, but he seems too dangerous... Also, my alliance is now me, JD, Trevor and Lydia, but I'm also close to Isaac and Sam. I feel super in control for now... I for some reason get the impression I'm about to be idoled out, but c'est la vie

TREVOR AND LYDIA

https://youtu.be/UnL6LElg4ZY

ALI

I'm super nervous for tonight. Its like 'Baby's First Blindside'- its very exciting! Anywho, I love my 'The Leal Jousewives of Atlanta' alliance (Trevor,JD,Lydia and I) and I'd hate to be idoled out, when I'm lined up so well! :(

CROW

Ugh, I have a gut feeling that it's probably me tonight, but I have been told otherwise.......lesson learned: don't try and play two games at once xD I am voting for Scott because I know he's the person most likely (behind me) to get targeted/exiled from the tribe. My strategy (although it may look like I don't have one) was to test out the "Anybody but me" strategy, but it doesn't look too good right now... Maybe I'm just paranoid and it'll be 8-1 against Scott, but I have a feeling there's scheming going on that will likely result in my elimination. If I survive this, I pray there's a tribe swap so I can effectively redo my social game LOL, if not, well.....I'll just have to scrap along!

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158048895251/tribal-council-2

#allianceofone #episodes

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