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xveenusx · 3 months

Text

Wanted

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.

Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.

Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST

Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo

Part 1: Guilty

Bored.

I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line.

“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”

Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something.

I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered.

I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part.

‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet.

“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before.

“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest.

“I can charter a plane-“

I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?”

What was she even doing here?

This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.

Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself.

“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body.

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with.

“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention.

I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.

My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”

She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with.

“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head.

“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.

Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.”

I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.

There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.

I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did.

We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.

“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society.

The same can’t be said about his friends.

“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.

“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them.

The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting.

The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?

He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?”

I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck.

A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement.

“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh.

“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved.

“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.”

A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out.

The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all.

“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded.

Being responsible was so overrated.

Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.

I raised my eyebrow at him, confused.

He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”

“Why?”

“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..”

I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.”

His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.”

Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused.

Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”

“Enlighten me.”

I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?”

Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?”

“It’s actually bubblegum blush.”

“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest.

It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone.

“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away.

“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well.

Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look.

“Are you kidding?”

Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes.

I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.”

The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough.

The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel.

“Are your hands broken?”

“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.

Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”

“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience.

He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always.

Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.

I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body.

“I grew up.”

Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”

For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive.

Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.

“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear.

I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?”

He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”

The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.

My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me.

“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice.

My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.

“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives.

The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty.

“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?”

I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead.

“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?”

My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable.

John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of the coke laid out in front of me?

But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room.

I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-

My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face.

Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.

None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.

Fuck this. Fuck both of them.

“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body.

Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me.

Don’t think. Don’t feel.

Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“

“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me.

They never just wanted me.

Maybe I was defective. I had to be.

JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.

Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction.

It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.

I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.

I guess, I was impossible to love.

“Line it up, Topper.”

“Can I at least get a please?”

“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”

Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:”

A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel.

Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response.

Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.

Then it happened.

All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months.

My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.

JJ.

It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again.

Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted.

He was so beautiful.

My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin.

God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually.

That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.

My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds.

Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch.

My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in.

Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed.

The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated.

It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.

“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but.

He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that.

JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.

He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest.

It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists.

A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face.

I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear.

“You had a little something on your nose.”

JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake.

Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it.

I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes.

He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”

We both knew that was a lie.

“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.”

Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”

“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room.

“He didn’t want you.”

People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel.

“Yeah, well you don’t either.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”

“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”

“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“

I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure.

Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left.

“Get the fucking picture?”

“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard.

“If you want a whore, go buy one.”

Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”

I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet.

Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore.

I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.

Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time.

“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.”

I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz.

Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing.

Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another.

I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.

As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other.

He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way.

Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing.

It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun.

Why couldn’t he see that?

The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down.

All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look.

I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right?

But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke.

It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.

It was like drowning on dry land.

His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed.

I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me.

At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.

I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private.

Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me.

She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.

The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself.

“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.

“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.

“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.”

“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute.

“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”

“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain.

Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom.

“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“

“With my mom.”

“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?”

I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go.

“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?”

She nodded, apprehension on her face.

“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.”

Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.”

The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”

“And what type would that be?”

“Desperate.”

JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand.

“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.

“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat.

“Yeah, I just saved you.”

“I didn't realize I needed saving.”

“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?”

JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.”

Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable.

“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”

JJ leveled me with an unamused stare.

I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”

JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage.

How the hell was I going to talk to him now?

I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”

“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?

“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”

I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired.

“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.

JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.”

“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.

I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.

His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”

“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“Only one of us is fucking loaded.”

I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?”

“Not from cocaine.”

“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”

Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.

“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.

I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words.

Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.

“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist.

She held her hands up in apology.

“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.

“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”

I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down.

“Is that how you talk to people now?”

I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”

I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s.

In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that.

The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.

“I wanted to talk.”

I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.

“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day.

Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.

“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside.

“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought.

He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.

“Unzip me?”

“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.

“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.”

In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.

Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.”

My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.

I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered.

The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror.

I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties.

“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Yeah and I’m failing.”

The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped.

“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation.

Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me.

JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire.

His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention.

He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up.

JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter.

I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his.

A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin.

My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy.

His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat.

His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse.

My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button.

The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.”

My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses.

JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.

“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter.

He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together.

He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants.

He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom.

JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him.

I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.

The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”

He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal.

JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing.

He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply.

I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.

The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle.

He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”

“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself.

He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene.

“That’s not very nice.”

Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”

The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”

He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy.

My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe.

I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance.

The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control.

JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy.

A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically.

I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk.

“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.

My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.

“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.

“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door.

I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs.

“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it.

“She’s a little busy at the moment.”

I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.

I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again.

JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.”

“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone.

Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”

I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to.

And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer.

“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.

That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants.

One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper.

I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back.

I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes.

I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious.

“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me.

I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more.

My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“

I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us.

It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him.

As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank.

My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory.

Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets.

The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets.

I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust.

My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me.

“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.

Kiara?

I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-

Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated.

Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me?

I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.

That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob.

“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out.

His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.

JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us.

I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear.

“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain.

“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.

“Get out.”

“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.”

“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger.

Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.

And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?

Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me?

Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex?

Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating.

Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?

I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.

“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”

JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.

“Kie and I aren’t together.”

“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.”

“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy.

“You had no problem doing it before.”

“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily.

“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”

I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them.

Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt.

JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets.

I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me.

“I’m sorry.”

I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.

I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?

I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.

The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in.

A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.

I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket.

I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away.

I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.

So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was.

I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t.

“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me.

“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side.

My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.

“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating.

Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home.

Kook pussy. Daddy issues.

I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up.

This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay.

“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement.

“I have to get back-“

“To who?” JJ snapped.

I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”

He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.

He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“This isn’t like you-“

“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.”

“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”

I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“

I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head.

Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me.

It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple.

When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?

“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”

I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?

I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.

“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts.

I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me.

But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.

“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?”

Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.

“I care about you, that never changed.”

Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.”

“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.”

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”

I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.”

“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”

“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched.

His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves.

“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”

I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.

“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.”

JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”

“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”

He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets.

“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond.

The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched.

He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes,

“What happened?”

“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”

That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.

“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?”

“It was actually a couple purses.”

JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.

“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”

I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with.

It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have.

“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.”

I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone.

“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.”

He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.

“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”

JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”

His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.

My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”

A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”

I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”

“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat. And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.

“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”

His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."

Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."

I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.

"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying.

A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance.

I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up.

I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other.

The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”

Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”

JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest.

My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself.

“JJ?”

“What?”

“You were right. I do deserve better than you.”

Loving him cost me something much greater: myself.

I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.

I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.

I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse.

I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress.

I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me.

This time, I was the one that never looked back.

Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.

TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18

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probably-writing-x · 1 year

Text

Eyes On You

Summary: You were practically the princess of Outer Banks, everyone knew it. So, when you started dating Rafe Cameron, to say people had something to say about it would be an understatement. And there was only so much of it that the two of you could take.

Warnings: Some sexual references, cursing, Rafe being a protective bf

Author’s Note: Saw a tiktok about male book characters leaning against doorways and it inspired this entire story :) Enjoy and send in any requests you may have

Not my gif

“Babe can you help me?” Rafe calls out to you from the bedroom, where you’re fixing up the last of your makeup, there’s a stress to his voice.

“What have you done?” You laugh, setting down your mascara and walking across to the bedroom.

He was stood in front of the mirror with his bowtie dangling around his neck, clearly having given up on the fight against it.

“I hate these things,” He grumbles, dragging a hand over his hair.

“Leave your hair alone,” You hit his hand away, “Come here.”

You fold the silky material pieces over themselves until it resembles the bow shape and fixing it in the centre of the top of his shirt.

Rafe lifts his hands up over yours and pulls both of them to his lips to kiss you, “What would I do without you?”

You hum with his contact as he laces his fingers with yours and squeezes your hands three times. The two of you hadn’t managed to get out of going to one of your family’s events - full of people that thought the world of themselves, and had enough money in the bank to act like they could prove it. Rafe, of course, would be by your side, as much as he hated these things too. It was all shaking hands and comments on how you were ‘too good for him’ - though your parents and their friends thought of you as too good for everyone. You’d picked out a pale blue suit for Rafe, one that brought out a brightness to his face, and you were wearing a navy dress that matched the dark blue of his bowtie.

“You look beautiful,” He comments, leaning down slowly to press a kiss to your lips, delicate as if he’s worried he’ll damage the art in front of him.

“Thanks babe,” You smile, fixing the messier strands of his hair, “Are you ready to go?”

“Am I ever?”

~~~

Inevitably, the two of you were late by the time you both walked in. There were people spilling all over the ballroom venue, faces you recognised from growing up amongst faces around others that your parents were likely trying to impress. Everyone that saw you greeted you warmly, telling you that you had grown up too fast. With each person that you had to force pleasantries with, Rafe could see you getting more and more tense. He was sure this kind of night was your idea of hell.

“I’ll go and get us some drinks, darling,” He mentions, placing a hand on your back, “What do you fancy?”

“Anything, I don’t mind,” You smile at him and he squeezes your hand before disappearing through the crowd.

You were in conversation with your old neighbours, who were telling you about a new holiday home they’d just bought, and you’d completely lost interest.

“So, you and Rafe are still together?” The woman asks, raising her brows just momentarily.

“Yeah, over a year now,” You smile, even the mention of his name making your stomach flip like it did when you’d first got together.

“Are you sure, honey?”

The question makes your heart sink, and you lose your words.

“I’m just not sure if he is the one for you,” She sighs, as if her words are said with good sentiment.

“I’m sorry?”

“We just want what is best for you,” She squeezes your arm and you pull away from her touch quickly.

“I’m sorry, I need to go,” You manage to force out, your eyes flicking across the room. You don’t find Rafe amongst the faces but you know you need to get away.

So often people tried to tell you that Rafe wasn’t enough for you, as if he were a boy damaged beyond repair and he would never be the boyfriend they expected you to have. They didn’t see the way he remembered all of the little details you told him, how he bought you flowers whenever he felt like it, how he made sure you knew he loved you every day. He was everything, even if they couldn’t see it.

~~~

Rafe was caught in conversation with two of the boys you’d gone to school with. They reminded him of himself from a few years ago, before he’d met you and before he’d changed. They spoke of nothing if they weren’t bragging, finding a way to mention their wealth or their status or their girls at every chance. The latter was their current topic.

“Listen, she was fit, but like nothing more than that,” One of them shakes his head, taking a long sip of his beer.

Rafe was hovering awkwardly between them, your champagne glass in his hand still waiting to be able to get it to you. He had to make a good impression at these things, he knew what they all thought of him otherwise.

“I mean, come on,” The boy scoffs, “I’m not tying myself down unless shes at least an eleven out of ten.”

Rafe is holding back a wince when the attention turns to him.

“Cameron, you still with (Y/N)?”

He pinches at the lobe of his ear, avoiding the anger that would normally course through him, “Yeah, yeah, still together,” He nods.

“Fuck, man, I don’t know how you do that shit,” One of the boys laughs, “One woman?”

“Oh, come on, this is Rafe Cameron, there’s no way he’s only fucking her.”

Rafe can’t do it for much longer, his grip tightens around the glass of champagne as if it was grounding him to you.

“Yeah, (Y/N)’s fit as fuck but she was always uptight in school, she’d never let anyone fuck her.”

Rafe sets the champagne glass down on the table, “Alright, fuck you,” He swings back his arm and launches a fist towards the jaw of the boy talking before anyone has a chance to stop him, before he can find any justification to not do it.

He pulls his hand away and the other boys scramble to their friend like a litter of lost puppies, pulling him up to stop him from stumbling over. Rafe shakes off his hand and picks up the champagne once again, directing himself towards the door before any of them can get a hand to him.

He pushes his way through a few more people until he gets to a clearing nearer the back of the room, where you were leaning against a doorframe, your back to him. Rafe comes up behind you, a hand over his head to grip the top of the doorframe as he towers over you from behind. You turn over your shoulder and instantly brighten at the sight of him.

“There you are!” You beam, a smile creasing the sides of your eyes.

“Here you go, m’lady,” He swings his arm around to bring the drink to you and you instantly notice the blotchy redness on his hand, the kind that is quickly turning into a bruise.

“Rafe, what happened?” You grip his hand gently before he can pull it away from you.

He sniffs and clears his throat, “Those assholes from your school.”

“Okay.”

He’s surprised at first, no anger in you for him getting into fights, no worry about the people he’s hit, no ‘please don’t do that again’.

“Okay?”

You hum and lean back a little into his chest, lifting the flute to your lips and finishing the glass.

“Alright who are you and what have you done with (Y/N)?” He quips, bringing a hand up to massage into your shoulder.

“I hate it here,” You sigh, setting the glass down and leaning even further into him.

He rubs at your skin more, leaning down to press a kiss in the spot, his lips lingering before he perches his chin on top of your shoulder, “Do you want to get out of here?”

You nod, turning your head to kiss his temple, the sort of contact that makes him smile like a boy with his first crush.

“Let’s go home,” He drops his hand to lace his fingers with yours, the other hand falling to the bottom of your spine to guide you through the crowd.

“Wait a second,” You mention quickly, ducking out of his grip when you spot a waiter carrying a fresh bottle of champagne across the room of people.

You swipe it from him, spilling some of the golden liquid over your hand, hurrying back over to Rafe.

“What the-“ He laughs, looking at you with an admiration in his eyes that he never lost.

You grab his hand tightly in yours and pull him through the crowd, both of you pushing past bodies like they weren’t even there. You know they’re all looking at you, like you were the King and Queen’s princess, looking at Rafe as if he were the boy that corrupted you. But you don’t care. His hand is in yours and there’s enough adrenaline pacing through your veins for you to just keep running with him.

When the two of you break through to the outside, Rafe spins you into his arms, wrapping his grip around your waist and pulling you into him. You’re both breathless, a wildness to your eyes as if you were two escaped convicts. He brings a hand up and cups your cheek, kissing you with pressure like he’s forcing you to remember that he loves you. That, in that moment, he doesn’t think he’s ever loved you more.

And as much as all of those guests’ eyes had seemed to be burning into you all night, there was nothing else that mattered when Rafe’s eyes were on you, telling you everything that his words never could.

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baestruly · 1 year

Text

the sun shines brighter ─ jj maybank

❝when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while.❞ bruno mars

( 𝗌𝗒𝗇𝗈𝗉𝗌𝗂𝗌 ⋫ 𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖔𝖘𝖘𝖎 ) jj maybank x grumpy!reader.

⤷ IN WHICH, he was the world.

he will do anything to get you smile, feeling the glory of his accomplishment to see his girl happy.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - nothing. pure fluff

authors note - this was stuck in my head and i just had to write it, especially knowing jj being the sunshine one. plus i see too many where the roles are always reversed in romance.

─────────────────────────

It was more than JJ Maybank would like to admit, but he tried so━━so fucking hard to earn that sweet smile that rarely erupted on your face. Honestly, he would do the most bizarre shit that’s even came to be extreme for you just to earn his sweet reward that made his stomach churn with admiration and heat knowing he was the one to make your frown turn upside down.

It’s not that you always had bad days, and even though most were frequent, you didn’t find most beauty in life as exciting as JJ did. Like most Pogues on the island, surfing thrilled others, but not you. Sure, it was cool━━but like, meh.

Honestly, you did enjoy some things in life, you weren’t miserable. It’s just, you are extremely good at hiding your emotions, not having loving parents as a child to cheer you up when you are sad, or trying to impress you the way JJ Maybank did. He was completely head over heels for you and it was something you weren’t used to, you just didn’t know how to express it. JJ would like to think of your way of expressing it we’re huffs of irritation, which he would accept! If that’s all he got.

“Why so sad, baby?” JJ is interlocking his hand with yours, the warmth of his strong and could used hand enveloping yours into a comforting bliss. Another thing you secretly admired about him. His hands that touched your skin, creating electricity bursting through your body, touching your soft hair as he one time tried to braid it but miserably failed, and how his thumb would graze━━what he calls your━━‘perfect lips’.

He would do anything for you, and anything to make sure he knew your happiness was still bottled up inside.

“I’m not sad, JJ.” You fought back, giving him a huff. You weren’t, he should’ve known that by now, but you unknowingly squeezed his hand harder.

“Then let's turn that frown upside down━━alright? A good day can't go to waste, I’m gonna need one smile on that beautiful face of yours, baby.” He took his other hand to place his thumb on the corner of your mouth, as you both lock eyes with one another. His eyes pool with love and smugness as he lifts the corner of your mouth to turn your lips up from one side. It was stupid━━so stupid that you loved the idiot. Gosh.

“M’ gonna fuckin’ hypnotize you in these beautiful blue eyes.” He taunted, hot pools of affection pouring out and filling yours as you floated, staring into his. “Shit━━never mind I think you are.”

JJ was still holding up one side of your mouth as he says that, unknowingly making you burst out with a quick giggle from your throat. How stupid was this boy you loved. Stupid, stupid, stupid━━but you stupidly loved him as you stupidly let the laugh slip, happiness that was secretly bottled up inside erupting through the electricity of the boy's hands connecting with your lips.

Taken aback, JJ jumped back as if he was shocked by the sudden outburst, frantically pointing at you as he jumped with laughter bubbling from his chest, deep and hollow.

“See! You see that! That was me━━mhm, there it is.” He quickly came back to hold both sides of your face in his big hands, cradling your head. “You’re so beautiful. God, you gotta do that more often, baby, I’m tellin’ you━━”

“Alright, alright.” You gave in, swatting his hand away playfully as you let your teasing side show upon the small smile on your face. Although, this time, JJ’s thumb wasn’t there to hold it up.

“You look beautiful with that shit eating grin on your face too, pretty boy.”

─────────────────────────

jj masterlist masterlist

ty for reading! ik this is kinda short.

#jj maybank #outerbanks #obx #obx3 #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank headcanons #writing #imagines #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n #outerbanks imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj x reader #jj x y/n

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strawberryforks · 3 months

Text

drunk fools to lovers // jj maybank x reader

summary: a drunken hookup has a bettering ending than anyone expected (terrible summary but i’m exhausted)

warnings: swearing, allusions to sex (nothing too crazy i still have no clue how to write smut), underaged drinking

word count: 1098

the first thing that registered in your mind was that the light was too bright and someone needed to shut it off. the hand you draped over your eyes was reflex just like what you shouted, when hands started pounding against your door, trying to knock it down or at the very least get your attention—which they had. “shut the fuck up!” you screamed in response. your head was throbbing, mind lagging behind, and thoughts still suspended in whatever liquid you’d drank way too much of the night before. fuck, you felt like you were the door. “jesus! alright, alright, i’m coming,” you groaned and shoved at the comforter. it wouldn’t budge. you kicked a bit, winding your legs up, because they were trapped. trapped under a blanket, trapped—someone groaned.

awareness returned, your hand stopped covering your eyes. fingers kneaded into the mattress as you pushed yourself up, bending at the stomach. you looked down at yourself first—missing your bra and no doubt panties, and with a boy in your bed, quite literally on top of you. it wasn’t the forst time this had happened and probably wouldn’t be the last, but the embarrassment slammed into you like a wave anyways. the kind that would knock you from your board and bully you underwater for awhile… fuck, you weren’t proud, but this was… it was manageable. the knocking never ceased but you were getting used to the pounding. if the door didn’t break becore you figured out what mistake you’d taken home with you, you’d be fine. john b was a protective bastard but he wouldn’t have to know. push the nameless one-night-stand out your window and be done with it. yeah, that would work.

looking down at the mess of blonde hair, you prod the boy. your eyes are still blurry, your head still hurts but unfortunately, the light you need turned off is the fucking sun, and you’ll have to deal with it for another 12 hours. “hey,” you whisper. “hey. wake up. you gotta go.”

the figure who’s figure you take the time to admire groans again. ringed fingers swipe through their hair, messing it further, as you shove harder. “my brother’s going to kill you if you don’t get out of here. kill, as in… murder.” there’s not many other ways you can explain this but the boy seems to finally understand. he startled, and when he lifted his head up, your eyes met and fuck. woah, okay. it was jj. jj maybank.

your jj. your brother’s bestfriend jj. that jj.

your brother really was going to kill him.

now you’re panicking.

“y/n i swear! let me in or i will kick down this door!” your brother threatens.

“i’m fine john, shit! give me a minute to get dressed!” you’re staring at your brother’s bestfriend with wide eyes but at least you’re not lying. you get up, scramble to put on an oversized t-shirt, and make crazy gestures with your hands.

jj, like you, is freaking out. he’s slipping on his shirt, putting on his boxers and then jumping into a pair of sweats. he looks good, really good, and your tongue darts out to wet your lip. you can see how this happened—what you can’t see is where to go from here. “oh my god oh my god.”

you’re nodding, agreeing, because this is crazy and unexpected and you’re not sure that either of you remember what went down last night. goddamn keggers.

“the window!” you’re whisper-hissing, helping him hoist it open and holding it that way as he crawls out. “we’ll talk about this,” he tells you while you all but chant “go, go, go.”

then you’ve got to open the door. to face the music. “hey john… couldn’t have been a bit quieter?”

“its lunch time, y/n/n.” he peers around you, into your room, as if not truly believing your alone and okay. “and you were wasted last night. i had to make sure you weren’t lying dead in a puddle of vomit”

“yeah, yeah. you’re not one to shirk your brotherly duties. did you happen to make breakfast?”

“eggs and bacon, plus, i made you some of that vitamin c drink you swear by.”

“you’re the best,”

“i know.”

john b leaves, he and jj hangout, as always, and then, a few hours later all of the pogues are meeting up to go surfing. john b, kie, and pope are in the water while you’re hanging back on the beach. jj jogs over to you—he’s been trying to find an opening to talk to you and now is as good as any. unfortunately for him, you’ve had hours to overthink. hours and hours to myll over the fact that you finally slept with your crush and didn’t even remember it aside from some day-after-aching. you’ve had hours to agonize over the fact that he doesn’t want you, doesn’t remember you, and probably can’t stand to be around you anymore. after all, you had to have embarrassed yourself. drunkenly professed your love or something crazy.

“jay i’m so so sorry.” you rush out, “that was a mistake, a drunk mistake, and we can pretend that nothing happened—no one has to know and i swear i won’t tell my brother.” your words spill everywhere, fast and full of panic. you can’t lose a friend and you can’t make things awkward withing the group. no-pogue-on-pogue-macking was like, the one rule, and you went and broke it.

jj isn’t wearing a shirt and that isn’t good because having this conversation, you need to focus on his face, how he’s reacting, and responding. his arms are crossed over his chest and he doesn’t look mad—he looks confused, maybe? worried? “is that what you want?”

“is that what i want?” you echo

“because it’s not what i want, but i can respect it, if you’re sure. i’ll have made an ass out of myself because i spent the afternoon begging john b to let me take you out on a date—“

“we’re going on a date? you asked john? for permission?”

jj smiles, almost shyly, and palms the back of his neck. “it felt like the right thing to do.”

you laugh, smile lightning up the sky, and brightening his entire day. “jesus jj, we’re going on a date, not getting married.”

he wraps you in his arms, hugs you tight. his hands are on your lower back, yours are wrapped around his neck, one threaded through his hair, “but we will someday.”

“yeah?”

“yeah. the most sure about anything i’ve ever been.”

#outer banks x reader #outer banks #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #john b routledge #routledge!reader #the pogues #obx fanfiction #outerbanks imagine

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sugarcoatedstarkey · 1 year

Note

being in a secret relationship with rudy and having to limit your scratching during sex so he can be shirtless for scenes, once he's done filming ready and him go at hard but the following morning rudy gets called in for a retake and shit hits the fan

hush hush

Pairing- Rudy pankow x fem!reader

Summary - above ^

Warnings- scratching, biting, sexual intercourse, fingering, hand job. 18+ content

A/n- apologies for any grammar or mistakes, haven’t written in over 6-8 months. Please leave feedback 💗

“I’m done” Rudy states, your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that" He stutters the second he sees the colour drain from your skin. "I meant filming is done”.

You let out a loud exhale and whacked his arm with the back of your hand. “Jesus, way to give a girl a heart attack”. He let out a chuckle and his warm breath tickled the skin on your neck, his grabby hands pulling your body as close to him as humanly possible.

“I have waited a long 6 months to feel your nails on my skin, I am going to devour this body of yours” He purred, enveloping your lips with his.

There was no fight for dominance this time, your tongue submitting to his in a matter of seconds. His large hands gripping the mound of flesh on your backside, urging you to jump up onto the desk behind you.

“Right here?�� you moaned, letting your head fall back to grant him more access to your neck. His teeth nibbling at your skin whilst leaving behind small purple bruising. He hummed against your neck; words lost in the back of his throat as he his taste buds went into overdrive from the taste of your sweet flesh.

You hooked your legs around his waist and pulled him closer to you, the buckle of his belt sending shivers down your spine.

Your relationship was a secret, the two of you choosing to keep things hush hush until he had finished filming and you could both have a moment to yourself to discuss what you wanted from each other.

It was nice the way it was, you could spend all weekend in bed and gaze into each other’s eyes without the prying from your friends and family. He had gotten really close with his obx crew; you knew he wanted to introduce you to everyone as his ‘girlfriend’.

“Hey, get your head back into the game. Did you not hear me? I am done filming, no more being cautious.” He growled, gripping your jaw tightly. His eyes had darkened with lust, his body warm under the skin of your thighs.

“Take your shirt off” You ordered, he had to always wear a shirt when you made love. You were prone to scaring his gorgeous skin under the scratching of your claws. "It's me who is doing the devouring".

His shirt was across the room in seconds, his hands immediately tugging at the suddenly suffocating material of your dress. Helping him to yank it off your body and onto the floor. His eyes drinking in the curves and creases of your flawed body.

Your lips found their rightful place on the curve of his neck, teeth digging into the soft flesh. You could taste the salt from his damp skin, his fingers reaching under the band of your knickers until he could feel the warm wet juices that drenched the black silk. “Fuck” he groaned, the heat from his breath hitting the bare skin of your breasts.

Your nipples hardened under his gaze and the groans of pleasure caused your hips to buck towards his fingers that touched your pussy oh so delicately. “Please” you whined, your body buzzed with excitement and lust. He pressed his digits against your sensitive nub, you let out a shriek of excitement and your nails dig into the skin of his back. “That’s it baby girl” he urged, fingers sliding through your wet folds until he was so deep inside of you that you shouted incoherent words.

It didn’t take him long, he had you a bubbling mess within minutes of his fingers arching and stroking the inside of your pussy. Your nails leaving sharp red marks down this back.

Your fingers laced around his cock that pressed harshly against the confinements of his jeans. A shudder running through his body as you tugged him free, pre cum staining his boxers. “That looks uncomfortable, let me help” you whispered, his lips pressing against yours as you moved your hand up and down his shaft.

Both his hands coming down onto the table to hold himself steady, his lips never leaving yours as you tugged and rubbed. The head of his penis reddening as he came close to the end, but instead of him letting you finish him off. He pulled your hand away and griped the small of your back.

Pulling you harshly against him until the tip of his penis sat directly at your soaking entrance, he grabbed your legs and brought heels of your feet to the edge of the table. His eyes taking in the sight of you naked and spread in front of him, he reached into your small purse that sat beside you and grabbed a condom.

You watched intently as he pulled it over his cock, his eyes landing on you as he finished. “Fuck me Rudy” you begged, he pushed himself into you without a second thought.

The sounds of your moans filled the small room, his cock entering you with a slow lazy thrust at first. Your fingers racking through his hair, lips pressed firmly against his and tongues caressing one another. He began to speed up as your nails danced against his back once again, his arm coming around to hold you against him as he pounded into you.

You were both a sweaty mess, your hair sticking to the back of your neck as he nibbled on your collar bone. The feeling of his tip hitting your g spot over and over again had your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

His thumb rubbing lazy circles against your clit. “Oh yeah, oh Rudy, I think- I- think I’m gonna cum” you stuttered, wrapping your arms around his neck and he squeezed you against him tighter. Your breasts pressed firmly against his chest.

The sound of your ass cheeks hitting the desk and the sloppy sounds of his cock moving in and out of your pussy tipped you over the edge. “Shit! I- shit RUDY!” You yelped, black and white spots blur your vision, and your body shook with pleasure.

Your heart racing and sweat dripping down your forehead. “Yeah baby, scream my name. I’m coming, fuck- yeah” he groaned, he too reaching his climax as he clung to you for dear life.

You could feel him empty himself inside the condom, his cock twitching against your swollen walls. The both of you never let go of one another until the vision was clear and both your hearts calmed to a steady pace.

“Jesus, Rudy. I fucked your back” you gasped; the deep red lines decorated his back. He shrugged gripping your chin between his fingers. “No more filming baby, I want you to do that to me every night” he laughed, your lips once against pressed to each other.

---

“Wait, what do you mean?” The morning groggy voice of Rudy awoke you from your slumber. You searched around the room but couldn’t see your boyfriend, pulling the covers away from your body you began to stand.

“Fuck!”

The door opened and he stood in the entrance, he was dressed in sweats and a white shirt. Annoyance written all over his features. “What happened?” You question, making your way over the room and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“I’ve just been called for a retake” he groans into your hair. You exhale and give his collarbone a kiss. “It’s alright, I’ll be here when you’re done. I’m sure it’ll only be a few hours”.

What you had thought would be a few hours turned into several hours because it turned out to be a beach scene. The second he took his shirt off without even thinking and the gasps coming from his cast mates, he knew he had ruined the secret relationship.

“Damn Rudy, who did this to you” shouted Chase, both he and Maddi rushing over to inspect the damage you had left not even 24 hours earlier.

“Shit, I forgot about those” Rudy groaned, he turned to look into the mirror and the lines where still as red and deep as the night before. “Well, the retake scene is going to have to be a full reshoot” the director stated.

Rudy could see the annoyance written on his face, the snippy tone coming from him was not good. “Can’t I just wear a shirt for this scene, and we edit something into the other part of the scene? I’m sorry man, you said it was all done” Rudy apologises, reaching to the pull the shirt back over him.

“Hold up. I wanna take a better look! I also wanna know who’s this freaky lady friend of yours” Drew shouted, rushing from his seat across the room. Everyone began to close in on him, taking in the art you had left behind.

“It’s nothing, let’s not talk about it! We have a scene to retake.” Rudy laughed, urging for the conversation to be over. He knew they had an idea on who it was, no other friend of his had been to set more then you had.

They kept nodding when Rudy would call you his best friend. But they all had that feeling, there was something going on. And this time they would get it out of you.

“I bet I know who it’s from” JD said, giving him a wink from across the room. Rudy looked away but a tinge of red began to appear on his cheeks.

“Aww your blushing! It’s Y/N, isn’t it?” Madi gushes, clapping her hands together like a high school girl. Rudy shakes his head and begins to walk away from the conversation. He wasn’t going to admit to it, not until he had spoken to you and warned you about what had happened.

“Knew it!” Shouted Chase, Rudy rushes to a quiet place and pulls his phone out. Pressing the icon of your photo in the call log. Not even 3 rings later your voices echoes through.

“They know”.

“Knew it!” Shouted Chase, Rudy rushes to a quiet place and pulls his phone out. Pressing the icon of your photo in the call log. Not even 3 rings later your voices echoes through.

“They know”.

#jj maybank #outerbanks rudy #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow smut #jj maybank smut #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank x reader #outerbanks netflix #outerbanks smut #outerbanks x reader #outerbanks imagine #outerbanks cast

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fandomxpreferences · 1 year

Text

Guess You Really Did It This Time (Part 2 of Heartbroke Bitch)

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Ex!Rafe Cameron x Female!Reader

TW:ANGST, honestly I think thats it?

Summary: Rafe confronts you after you sleep over at his house, but it goes so much worse than he imagined.

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: This was supposed to end fluffy, but It wasnt realistic so it'll be a three parter (maybe 4? who knows.)

You blink a few times as your vision adjusts to the blinding sun rays pouring through the curtains directly into your eyes. Your throat is hoarse as you groan; this is the worst comedown you've experienced so far.

It takes a second for you to place your surroundings, and the events of last night come rushing back when you do. The bed is empty and you hear the shower running, a hushed "thank you" falling from your mouth.

You take the opportunity gratefully, hastily ripping off Rafe's sweatshirt and squeezing back into your dress. Your phone and bag are on the nightstand, and you grab them before turning the handle to his room as quietly as you can.

You've never been so happy to be familiar with the layout of Tannyhill as you creep down the stairs and toward the front door.

You freeze when you register Rose staring at you with a knowing look. Your hand lifts with a short wave and you let yourself out before she can start asking questions.

You pull out your phone and call JJ, aware that he's the least likely to judge you. He is your best friend after all.

It only rings once before the blonde's voice rings out and you breathe a sigh of relief.

"Well, well, well. If it's not the woman, the myth, the le-"

You cut him off, not in the mood as you fight a violent case of the spins and try to keep from dry heaving.

"Shut it, JJ. Can you come get me? I'm at -"

This time he cuts you off and your eyebrows pinch together.

"Yeah, I know where you are Y/N/N. Give me five."

With that he hangs up, leaving you with more questions than you originally had. Number one being how the hell does he know where you are?

You don't even have your shoes but you can't bring yourself to care as you bolt down the yard and start your trek into town.

You know JJ will find you and the last thing you want is to be caught waiting by Rafe.

A few short minutes later you hear the dirt bike and stop in your tracks. You turn so your body is facing JJ and you give him a disheartened look.

"You have to be fucking kidding. JJ I'm wearing a dress and I'm three seconds from puking!" You complain and he gives a boyish smile while reaching into his backpack.

"That's why I brought these," he answers while offering you a pair of his sweatpants. You take them hesitantly and slip them on as he continues.

"As for puking, at least you don't have to worry about it getting in a car."

You groan as you kick a leg over his bike, careful to keep your bare feet away from the hot exhaust and wrap your arms around his torso.

"I literally hate you."

He chuckles as he revs the engine and twists to look back at you.

"Love you too."

Back at Tannyhill, Rafe's heart drops when he comes out of the bathroom to an empty bed. His hoodie is crumpled on the floor and he sighs.

He gets dressed quickly and bolts down the stairs, praying you're just getting something to eat the way you normally would.

When he finds the kitchen empty, his eyes flutter shut as familiar loneliness overtakes him. His thoughts are interrupted by Rose clearing her throat.

"She left a little while ago. Before you ask; no she didn't say anything."

He nods while grabbing his keys and your shoes before racing toward his truck. He already knows where you'll be.

The ride back has you clutching your pearls, literally and figuratively, as you barely keep consciousness.

Your headache has escalated to a migraine by the time you reach the chateau and you're pretty sure you could drink one of the Great Lakes all on your own.

You ignore the rest of the group teasing as you stumble inside, rummaging for some painkillers. You find them quickly and pour a handful into your mouth, not caring enough to check the dosage.

It can't be any more dangerous than what you've been doing anyway. You don't even bother with a cup, and JJ tsks behind you as you put your head in the sink and gulp water straight from the faucet.

"This is the most chaotic thing I've ever seen, and that's saying something. You're like a feral dehydrated animal."

Your only response is a middle finger as you pass him, clambering your way into the guest room you've claimed as yours.

Your familial situation is pretty similar to JJ's, without the violence, and up until the breakup you'd stayed with Rafe.

Now all your belongings are littered around the chateau. You grab a shirt and change quickly, paying no mind to your best friend, before plopping down on top of the comforter.

"How'd you know I was at Rafes?"

Jj rubs the back of his neck as you look up at him expectantly, already knowing you won't like the answer.

"He texted Sarah a picture of you sleeping on him when she asked him if he'd heard from you."

You take in his words and scoff in disbelief.

"Of course he did."

You collapse onto your front with your head buried into a pillow, craving relief from the ache in your body. JJ sits next to you and rubs your neck to ease your migraine, and you let out a content moan.

It's not even an hour before you hear a car pull up outside and you release a whine. You already know who it is, and you're decidedly not in the mood to deal with it.

JJ feels you tense under his large hand and sighs.

"Want me to get rid of him?"

You shake your head as you sit up and run a hand down your face.

"He'll just keep coming back. Might as well rip off the Bandaid."

He kisses the top of your head and stands, sending a sharp glare at your ex when he passes him in the hallway.

Rafe assumes that JJ left the room you're in and knocks on the door frame before stepping past the threshold.

His eyes take in the mess before landing on your tired figure. You look like hell with sunken bloodshot eyes and clammy skin.

He holds your shoes up to show you he brought them back before dropping them in the pile of other heels on the ground.

His brows furrow as he turns to you, taken aback at your sudden collection of designer items.

"You didn't have any of this when we were together. Where'd the sudden influx of Louboutin and high-end fashion come from?"

You stare at him blankly for a second before shrugging.

"Does it matter?"

He runs a hand through his hair, a telltale sign of his stress, as he takes in your defensive tone.

"I'm just curious."

He doesn't like the way your lips curl up into a vicious smile as if you take pleasure in the answer you're about to give.

"Gifts from my male suitors."

You don't give him time to respond before brushing past him and walking straight out of the chateau. He heaves an irritated breath when you let the screen door slam in his face and wrenches it back open.

He follows hot on your tail as the rest of the group watches the impending WWE smackdown.

"Come on, baby. I just want to talk."

You let out a loud laugh while continuing on your path and he hates how indifferent you're acting.

"You can talk all you want, but no promise I'll listen. And don't call me that."

You pretend not to notice your friends wince at your snarky reply in your peripheral as they try - and fail- to act like they aren't eavesdropping.

"So that's it? You don't want anything to do with me? What the hell was all that last night, then?" He shouts and you stop abruptly, causing him to slam into your back.

"A lapse in judgment."

He scoffs and you close your eyes, trying desperately not to let him get a rise out of you.

"Seems like you've been having a lot of those lately."

At that, you whip around on your heel, your hair smacking him in the face with the ferocity of your movement. He's got an arrogant smirk painted on his lips and your eyes narrow.

"I wasn't doing anything you weren't! If memory serves me, you're the one that walked out! Not me!"

Your voice is shrill as you scream in his face, tears starting to pour as you shove him back. All the pent-up hurt and rage are finally rearing their ugly heads, and it only makes you angrier. JJ moves to intervene, but John B stops him with a hand on his forearm.

"No, let them get this out. She's only going to continue on her bender if they don't resolve this."

JJ looks to Sarah for help but she only nods, agreeing with her boyfriend. The blonde sits back down with a huff, clearly unhappy at the situation unfolding in front of him.

Rafe shakes his head with flared nostrils, and it brings you a tinge of happiness to see him as upset as you. His chest is heaving as crimson crawls up his neck and cheeks.

"Because I was scared, not because I don't love you!"

As soon as the words leave his mouth, his eyes go wide and your mouth drops open in shock. You vaguely register Sarah gasp off to the side, and if you looked, you're sure you would find JJ with his jaw clenched hard enough to break teeth.

"Oh fuck off Rafe, what is that supposed to mean? You toss me aside like trash and then come back a month later to confess your love? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Your voice is significantly quieter now, your face scrunched up into a deep scowl.

"Y/N, even if you tell me to fuck off and never speak to me again, I need you to know the truth. The past month has been miserable and I hate what I did to you. I'm not judging you for how you handled it, I have no right."

You interrupt him with a scoff and stick a hip out.

"No, you don't."

He gives you a pointed look before continuing and you take a deep breath.

"I didn't leave because I don't love you, or because you're a pogue, or whatever else you might believe. I left because I do love you, though I didn't realize it at the time. Y/N, I'm fucked up. Like, something isn't right in my head. I didn't want to keep hurting you over and over, so I thought I'd let you move on and be happy with someone else."

You mull over his words and run a hand through your messy hair.

"I know."

Confusion washes over him and you rub your temples.

"I know you're fucked up, Rafe. I know everything, we were together for a year. But that doesn't mean you get to make the choice for me. I know you don't believe you're worthy of love, I get it. I've been in love with you since Midsummers, but I'm not going to stand here and beg you to let me in."

You wipe aggressively at the tears that are now rapidly cascading down your cheeks and off your face, ready to be done with this.

"I'm not asking you to do that. If anything, I'm begging for you to let me in. Please, I can't stand the thought of you out here putting yourself in harm's way. I haven't been with anyone else, and I don't want to be."

The rest of the group might as well have popcorn as their eyes dart back and forth between the two of you, unable to look away.

"No, Rafe. You're lying. I saw you that night with Missy!"

Everyone's head turns to look back at Rafe to gauge his reaction to your outburst.

"Yikes, not looking good for him." John B remarks and Sarah kicks his leg.

"Shut up, maybe there's an explanation."

John B is about to argue when Kie glares at them.

"Shut the fuck up, I can't hear!"

Rafe shakes his head, his hands coming up to cover his mouth before they drop back down to his sides. He takes a step closer and his heart plummets when you immediately move backward.

"No, I know what you think you saw. Nothing happened, I swear. We went back to my place and she slapped me because I moaned your name!"

"Oh shit." JJ snickers and the rest of the group sends him daggers as he raises his hands defensively.

"That's nice, Rafe. It doesn't change the fact you brought a woman home to the bed we shared less than a week later with the intent of fucking her."

He tilts his head back and stares at the sky, growing more frustrated by the second.

"I didn't though! You actually fucked god knows how many dudes!"

It's a low blow and he knows it, he can see you shutting down by the way your face drops and your shoulders tense.

"Yeah, I did. At least I got shit out of it. Besides, I brought them back here or went to theirs. I never would have brought them someplace that still smelled like you! That space was sacred Rafe, and you defiled it. My fucking clothes were still there."

Rafe's lip quivers as the gravity of the situation crushes him. He doesn't know how to fix it this time.

"How do I fix this, Y/N? Please, just tell me and I'll do it."

You sniffle as you shake your head, another tear falling into the dirt below.

"No, Rafe. I think you should leave."

You look away as he drops to his knees in front of you, literally pleading with you as he cries freely now.

"Y/N, please. Please, I know I fucked up. Please."

You stifle a sob as John B and JJ pull him to his feet and drag him away. You watch as he fights against the two men, too focused on you to care about being pushed around. He screams out as he thrashes, his voice breaking from the sheer volume and pain.

"Baby, please! Y/N, don't do this. I'll fix it, okay? I promise I'll fix it! I'll be better for you!"

You collapse into Kie and Sarah when their arms wrap around you, every emotion you've repressed suffocating you at once.

Sarah presses your face into her shoulder, her own tears falling as she keeps you pointed away from her hysterical brother.

Rafe is all but carried back to his truck against his will, and JJ pins him against the door.

"Rafe," He begins, but he's cut off by a particularly hard shove from the man. He leans his weight forward, using it as leverage, and puts his arm across Rafe's throat to still his movements.

"Look, man! I know you're upset, but so is she. You need to get the fuck out of here, okay? I'm trying to be nice about this, but you're testing my very thin patience."

Rafe finally admits defeat and slumps down as he watches your knees hit the ground, heavy sobs wracking your body. This is exactly what he was trying to avoid, he never wants to be the source of your pain.

John B watches as the older Cameron drives away, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding. Maybe now you'll start to cope in healthier ways.

Rafe cries the entire way home, memories of your relationship flashing like movie scenes every time he blinks. He's going to fix this if its the last thing he does. He just needs a game plan.

Taglist for those who requested part 2!

@brooklynscherry-z @joselyn001 @writtenwordslover @craftyalmondghostflap @malfoytargaryen

#rafe cameron #Rafe Cameron imagine #Rafe Cameron fic #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron angst #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fic #outer banks angst #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic #outer banks #outerbanks #outerbanks fic #outerbanks imagine #outerbanks angst

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xreaderbooks · 11 months

Text

Habits

Pair: JJ Maybank x Reader

Summary: Based on THIS request; Y/n's so used to taking care of everyone else, the consequences of her actions finally catch up to her, and JJ is there to pick up the pieces.

Warnings: Language, illness (not covid)

Word Count: 2.7k

Links: Wattpad - AO3

JJ Maybank Masterlist - Navigation

JJ was known to be dramatic, and overly, not to mention when someone was sick. Heaven forbid someone got near him when they were with the flu. Everyone thought it was weird since he had a bad habit of eating expired, moldy food and filled his lungs with unhealthy substances- weed not included.

He warned you against taking care of Kie who had gotten a cold, then Sarah who had gotten it from the former, you’re luck had run out by the fourth day you had John B on bed rest. Pope had kept a safe distance so he was in the clear. He’d been the one who had told JJ of your current state.

You should have taken greater precautions, worn gloves, not gotten as close, and not slept over at every sick person's house to make sure they were okay.

Your bad habit was taking care of your friends and forgetting to take care of yourself in the process. Not that you minded, they needed you and you were happy to provide. They were your friends, after all, they were all you had and you were all they had. Your parents don’t care where you are or who you’re with, never did- that gave you the freedom to do anything you wanted.

It also meant you had to learn how to take care of yourself and in doing that, you naturally started to take care of others.

The pogues depended on you, you kept them fed; kept snacks in a bag that you brought with you everywhere, you always kept an extra shirt or two, and allergy medicine for that particular season. You didn’t exactly have the money for all that but you picked up a thing or two from JJ, they never knew all that you would do for them.

Ever since that fated day in kindergarten when you threw sand in a boy's eye to slow down his chase on John B, he grabbed your hand and ran with you until the teacher put a stop to the 5th grader's terror over the two of you. You took care of him and he took care of you, that was kind of a Pogue thing, something you took pride in.

This fever though, is not your finest moment.

Kie was on bed rest at her parent's house when you were taking care of her. Her parents were needed at the Wreck and couldn’t stay home with her so you did. Passed the time with gossip and movies, you forced medicine down her throat when she resisted, made sure she didn’t get out of bed because all she wanted to do was chill in the sun on the HMS. Her parents had strict orders, she felt guilty that she was barely ever home and helping with the restaurant so you worked her shifts when she was in the stages of getting better.

Sarah was the same except she was much needier, she missed John B and was whinier than Kie, cursed you out as if you were the one that got her sick, and then asked if you could spoon her cause she was lonely.

John B was worse. Way worse, so bad that next time he was sick you’d take your chances at your own house. He was a literal man child, if he was the first one that got sick you would have thought it was the plague from how he insisted he was dying from something worse than a cold.

Now because of the big baby who refused to take the medicine, accidentally sneezed one too many times without covering his nose, and who was still sick by the way- you were on your own deathbed. Pope passed by to see how the quarantine was going, John B was slowly recovering but still not considered alive and you appeared to be a walking zombie.

JJ was pissed, not that he would show how angry he was but he’ll definitely let it known how annoyed he was. He brought Tylenol, Benadryl, and NyQuill, and went to three different drug stores to get each without being suspicious in his dealings.

You were currently making two cups of noodle ramen, one for you and the other for John B. JJ placed the medicine on the counter, his hip leaning against the edge with his arms crossed, staring at you as you poured the soup into a bowl for John B.

“The hell are you doing?”

His voice made you jump with a small yelp, the rest of the hot soup splashing and burning the top of your hand. The pain went away in a second as you licked the droplets on your hand, you glared at him, clutching the blanket around your shoulders after putting a spoon in the bowl and heading to John B’s room.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” You shuffled your way to his room almost losing balance as you felt yourself get lightheaded. Your back was to him so you could see the way JJ reached out his hand as if giving you the strength to stand or to catch you if you did fall.

He shook his head and went to you, grabbing the bowl from your hands, “Give me that.”

“JJ, that isn’t for you!” You exhaled with a shaky breath.

He rolled his eyes, “I know.” He went into John B’s room, you heard his surprised voice at the sight of JJ in the quarantine zone. JJ was in and out in a second, shutting the door to your shared best friend’s room, he stood in front of you with a stern face and hands on his hips.

“Well?” He gave you an expectant look, you quirk your brow in question. “What are you waiting for? Get to bed.”

“What?” You stuttered. “But my soup!”

“I’ll bring it to you, you're officially now on bed rest,” He shooed you with his hands. “Go on, get. Better be under those covers when I get there.”

You huffed in annoyance but followed his orders, the bed did sound nice. You didn’t get a lot of rest in taking care of the others, you were like a mother hen all worried, they joked about how you would get sick of them one day. You never thought it would actually be true.

Your body shivered as you felt the coolness of the unused bed, you sat against the pillows with the comforter over your lap. Your head throbbed at holding the weight of your head, you wanted to lay down and sleep but your stomach growled at the thought of the noodles. You didn’t even have much of an appetite but you haven’t eaten since earlier this morning when you force-fed John B some toast.

JJ bursting through the door made you jump again, you winced “Can you move more… quietly?”

“My bad, Y/n/n.” He gently placed a tray with the soup and Gatorade, he knew you got thirsty when drinking something hot. He didn’t know if it was healthy or not, but he knew that even if you were drinking hot soup you wanted something cold. “Eat.”

You narrowed your eyes, “Thanks.” You picked up the spoon and began to sip.

“You’re done taking care of John B,” He softly shut the door behind him, leaning his back against it. He watched you pause halfway dipping your spoon back into the bowl, “Don’t give me that look, you’re sick.”

“So is John B-”

“He’ll be fine, I’ll be here and make sure you’re both alright, besides John B’s feeling better already.”

You give him a deadpanned look, “Give him a couple of hours, he’ll be telling you it’s his time for the third time today.”

“It’ll be your time if you let yourself waste away because you’re taking care of everyone else but yourself.” He sat on the edge of the bed by your thighs, he reached out his hand and brushed a stray hair behind your ear. “You can’t keep doing that, pretty girl.”

Your body shivered again though this time you weren’t sure what it was from, JJ or the fever. “If I don’t then who will, J?”

“They appreciate it, I know they do, alright but remember that one year when we had finals you were hella stressed and yet you were talking Pope down a ledge, volunteering with Kie cause you didn’t want her to do it alone when she asked and nobody wanted to, John B always needs your help with something-”

“Just sounds like your jealous,” Your face held a lazy smirk at the joke.

He clicked his tongue, “You take care of me too. A lot, that gets me to my point, you need a break. You reached that point, just like you did that year when you got physically sick because of how stressed we were making you.”

“This isn’t like last time, I just caught the cold, but I’m fine I just need to eat then I can make sure John B gets better.”

“I’ll make sure John B doesn’t die and I’ll take care of you.”

“You?” You almost want to laugh at the thought of JJ taking care of both you and John B, especially with his affliction with sickness but the increased pounding in your head prevented you.

“Shut up and eat your noodles.”

~~~

The rest of the day he doted on you, doted was too mild a term, full-on hovered over you. He kept you fed, reached things for you when he didn’t have to, he gave you a little bell for you to ring like he was your servant.

You fucked with him a little too much with it until he threatened to take it away but he came every time you rang. It made you hopeful, a little too hopeful, in a way that you shouldn’t of your best friend. Because that’s what this was, one best friend taking care of the other. He wanted you to be comfortable but not weirdly comfortable, and he was only taking care of you because he felt bad.

Then again you and JJ were never just normal best friends. You both had no boundaries when it came to one another, the line was never drawn and neither of you wanted to form one, perfectly complacent with the unsaid rule of being there for each other. You loved each other like family and respected each other like friends, but every touch had an underlying meaning that was better off not being unmasked.

Even now when your fever had you shivering like you were in Antarctica with JJ’s body heat on your back, his chest exuding a warmth that made you nuzzle further into him. You felt a little moisture coming from him, poor guy, you had him sweating from how hot it was. But internally you were freezing.

You groaned as you felt your body ache, the back of JJ’s hand went to your neck and your forehead, and he hissed.

“You’re hot, Y/n,” He put his weight on his forearm to hold himself up. He looked down on you like a golden angel and you briefly thought that you wouldn’t mind if the fever took you out.

You breathed out a chuckle, “Yeah, I know. Remind me when I actually feel like it.”

He rolled his eyes but smirked anyway, “Your temperature, Pretty girl.”

“Mm,” You turned your weak body to talk to him face-to-face without having to twist your neck. “Shut up and cuddle me.”

“You gotta actually take a nap this time though,” He strokes your cheek with his thumb. “You need to rest.”

“Sir, yes, sir-” You would’ve saluted but that meant moving your arm that felt way too heavy to lift at the moment. JJ turns to grab something from the nightstand and hands you a plastic shot cup, the one that comes on top of the medicine bottles.

“Drink this,” He hands you the tiny cup with the red liquid. “I thought you would like taking it this way so you could pretend you're taking a shot.”

Your heart melted at the sentiment and took it out of his hand, “Are you trying to drug me right now?”

“Probably the only time I’d do something like that but I’m willing to do it if it means you’ll feel better.”

“You’re annoying,” You drank it with one swallow, expecting it to taste worse than it actually did but the flavor he picked out made it sweet.

He placed a hand over his chest in mock hurt, “Is that any way to speak to your nurse?”

“The elderly people at the hospital would treat you way worse.”

“That’s why I’m only qualified to take care of you,” He bopped your nose and you scrunched it as his finger tapped lightly.

He settled down beside you after he took the empty cup out of your hands and set it aside, his hands traveled from your waist to your arm into your hair, playing with each strand on the top of your head.

You began to faintly trace the curves and angles on his face while trying not to think about how intimate this was, you were close, so close your noses were touching.

You wished your brain would stop thinking so you didn’t feel the need to break the silence, suddenly being hyperaware of the fact that while both of your legs were tangled in each other, bodies touching, fingers roaming- all the while intense eye contact was being made. “You’re going to get sick being this close to me.”

“I like being this close to you,” He whispered. “If I get sick, you’re worth it.”

“I don’t like when you say things like that,” You nibbled on your lip only slightly- another bad habit that you picked up on when you were nervous and felt awkward. His fingers untangled themselves from your hair and you regretted speaking but it was how you felt. Him saying things like that made it feel like this was more than what it was and you knew better than that.

His eyes flickered from where your teeth were caught on your lip, his thumb pulled it with his index curved under your chin. “Why?”

“Because,” Your breath shuddered.

“Because?” His ocean-blue eyes held yours and you were about to give it all up right then and there. You were sick, you weren’t in the right state of mind and you would never forgive yourself if you admitted your love for him right now and he rejected you while you already felt like you were dying.

You couldn’t handle looking at him anymore and began to move your body so that your back was facing him when you talked but his hand slipped onto your cheek and he pulled you into him, attaching his lips to yours.

He kissed you once, twice, and the third time felt like he was speaking a language that you understood all too well and you reciprocated. Your lips moved languidly with his, an natural movement that made your heart flutter through the fever that held you captive all day.

He pulled away giving you one last kiss, “I love you. I’m tired of pretending I don’t and that everything I do for you is just because we’re friends when we both know that it’s more, at least I hope it is because if not then what just happened made us a hell of a lot closer and definitely more awkward. I love you, and you don’t have to feel the same cause either way I will always always take care of you but I just needed you to know because I feel like friends or not, you forget that people care about you too. We care about you, and I love you.”

You blamed how sick you were feeling for the tears that threatened to spill out of your eyes from his confession, “God your such a sap.”

His panicked expression searched your face for any other sign of a reaction to the word he just spoke and you kissed him. You kissed him deeply and with the assurance that you hoped translated with the way your soft plump lips spoke on his. “I love you more, J.”

He brought you into his chest, cradling your head, your arms around his middle holding him tight. The distraction of his confession interrupted the thoughts of how frail your body felt but now it was coming back as his heartbeat thumped against your ear and your mind slowly drifted into sleep.

“JJ?”

He hummed in response.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Anytime, baby,” He squeezed you gently. “Now go to sleep.”

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rafeysdoll · 21 hours

Note

i’m just thinking about kissing rafe’s nose and like running my finger over the bridge of his nose and just yeah i’m a slut for his nose if you can’t tell i hope this isn’t weird or sum

-💐

some fluff & soft rafe >.< he’s soooo ughhh i want him so bad sooooo bad.

it was days like this that you wished you could stay stuck in forever. lazily laying down in bed with your boyfriend practically laying on top of you, buzzed head resting against your chest. the plushness of your tits providing a replacement for a pillow. “i love you,” you confess, manicured hands rubbing and scratching at his scalp gently. “so pretty,” you continue, hand trailing down to his face to poke his cheek before running your index down the bridge of his nose.

he hums before pulling away slightly, “you making fun of me?” he grumbles slightly, almost stepping out of that drowsiness he fell into. “nooo, papi. you’re just really pretty,” you praise, moving yourself on your elbows when rafe lifts up from you. “i’m not pretty,” he states, sounding more like a question when he furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head.

“yes you are,” you giggle softly, sitting up before cupping his cheeks and pressing a small kiss to his nose. “you’re being cheesy,” he mumbles, unable to lock eyes with you now, tongue thumbing at his cheek.

“just love you so much,” you whine slightly, pouting as you grab his larger hands and hold them. “you don’t like my cheesiness?” you ask with a faux pout, even giving a small sniffle to exaggerate. “mm, yeah, i like it. and i love you too, baby.” he smiles, lifting you up to pull you closer only to press a chaste kiss against your lips before squeezing your ass. “gotta love that ass too.”

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sunshinepanic · 8 days

Text

Unexpected

Pairing: Rafe Cameron X Reader

Brief JJ Maybank X Reader

Summary: Reader has been in love with her childhood best friend JJ for as long as she can remember, but when he crushes her heart she finds comfort in the last place she expects.

Chapter Warning: JJ is kind of a douche, Angst, fluff.

Not beta read we die like men

WC: 1,547

Note: I have never written OBX before and I absolutely adore both JJ and Rafe but Rafe has me in a chokehold at the moment and I can’t get him out of my head.

OBX Masterlist - Series Masterlist

Your fingers carded through long blond hair. You were pressed firmly against the wall of your bedroom as strong hands gripped your hips. Your breath knocked out of you by JJ’s heated kisses while your head was spinning. You had dreamed of this moment for so long, never letting yourself hope that your childhood best friend would return your feelings. Just as your hips moved of their own volition and made contact with his, JJ ripped away from you as if he had been burned. Panic settles in your stomach as you look at him with wide eyes. Breathing heavily, JJ shakes his head. “I’m sorry. (Y/N/N) I shouldn’t have done that.” Your heart plummets as you try to reassure him that you want this. “It’s fine, JJ. I’m more than okay with this.” He looks at you with sadness in his eyes. “It’s not that. I can’t do this with you. I’m not ready for a relationship, I’m sorry.”

As you blink away the dream of the events that transpired a few days ago, you pull yourself out of bed and get dressed in a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a cropped band tee. Trying to push the thoughts of JJ out of your head you grab your skateboard and head off towards the chateau to meet up with your friends.

You grew up with JJ and John B; they were your best friends, and the chateau was like a second home to you. You were a very tactile person, enjoying physical affection and comfort from your friends, so it wasn’t unusual for you to curl up in bed with John B and Sarah, snuggle with Pope or Kie, or take naps with JJ. It’s just how you have always been, but since the kiss, you have pulled away from any physical affection with JJ, feeling like you were making him uncomfortable. As you showed up to the chateau, John B and Sarah were down by the water. As they saw you approaching, they started towards you. You made your way up the steps, and as you headed into the house, you heard John B yell at you to wait and Sarah yell Y/N, but it was too late. You had already walked through the door, and you could hear JJ and a girl giggling in his room. Dread filled you at the idea of having to see whatever turon he had decided to hook up with, but as you turned to leave, the bedroom door opened, and Kie walked out wearing one of JJ’s shirts and nothing else, with JJ behind her, leaving kisses on her neck, causing her to giggle. They were so wrapped up in each other that neither of them noticed your presence.

Nausea bubbled in your throat as you turned and slammed back out the front door just as John B and Sarah made it to the porch. You shoved past them, mumbling that you had to go. But before you could get far, John B grabbed your hand, pulling you back into a hug. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into your hair. You shrugged. “Who he hooks up with is none of my business.” John B looked at you with sad eyes as he told you, “It’s not a hookup. They’re dating.” You could swear you physically felt your heart crack as you nodded your head and pulled away from John B. With a sad smile at Sarah, you turned away and yelled that you would see them later as you took off down the road on your board.

You wandered around for most of the day, trying to wrap your head around what had happened. John B and Sarah knew about the kiss with JJ because you confided in them when they asked why you seemed to be avoiding him. John B also knew that you had been in love with JJ for as long as he could remember, but JJ seemed oblivious up until he kissed you. Yes, you had the occasional hook up here and there but you never had a boyfriend or anything remotely close to a relationship. You knew it was pointless considering your feelings toward your best friend so you chose to stay single. As you made your way to your favorite spot on the beach, hidden back in the cliffs, you were so wrapped up in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice that someone was already there, sitting by a crackling fire.

You heard a pop from the fire, and it startled you into looking up and making eye contact with the last person you expected to see sitting by the fire. Rafe Cameron sat staring back at you with a smirk plastered on his face. You stammered, “Shit Rafe! You scared the crap out of me. I’m sorry; I didn’t realize anybody was here. I’ll just go.” As you turned to leave, Rafe called out to you. “Wait! You can stay. I’m just hanging out here. You don’t have to leave.”

Rafe had had plenty of run-ins with your friend group over the years, and it was no secret that he and the boys clashed at every turn, but he had never been mean to you in any way. In fact, the only thing he ever did was call you Sunshine for some reason unbeknownst to you. You always figured he just did it to irritate you.

Tentatively, you made your way over to the fire and sat down, wrapping your arms around your legs and staring into the flames. Rafe observed you for a few minutes before he broke the silence. “What’s wrong? You seem upset.” You whipped your head up, locking eyes with his crystal blue gaze. “Why do you think something is wrong?” He chuckled, shaking his head like you were exasperating. “When you came in here, you were so distracted by your own thoughts that you didn’t even notice I was here. You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you are hiding out in the cliffs.” After staring at him for a few moments and struggling to piece your thoughts together, you scoffed. “I could say the same thing about you. You’re down here hiding in the cliffs all by yourself too.” Rafe smiled, and it made your breath catch for a moment. “You’re right. I’m down here because I don’t want to be around anyone. Your turn.” You gaped at him for a moment before you turned back to the fire. You could tell he wasn’t being completely honest but it really wasn’t any of your business. “It’s nothing, just stupid boy drama.” Rafe gazed at you thoughtfully before he responded. “So what did JJ do now?” Your head snapped towards him so fast that you could swear you heard a crack. “Who said anything about JJ?” Rafe arched his one eyebrow and scoffed at you. “Come on, Sunshine, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know you have a thing for that idiot.” You stared at him as you struggled to form a sentence. Finally sighing in defeat. “He kissed me the other day but said we couldn’t be together because he wasn’t ready for a relationship, and then today I found out he is now dating Kie. So apparently he is ready for a relationship; he just doesn’t want me.” After sitting in silence for a few minutes, Rafe scoffed, “I knew he was a fucking idiot.” The response startled a laugh out of you, which caused Rafe to chuckle. You swatted at him, “Watch it; that’s still my friend you’re talking about.” Rafe dodged your hand as he laughed. "No, but for real, that’s fucked up, and he is a moron.”

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence for a while. Eventually, easy conversation started to flow, and before you knew it, the sun had set and there was a chill in the night air. Rafe noticed you shiver slightly and quickly pulled his black hoodie off and handed it to you. “Oh no, I’m ok.” You tried to deny it, but Rafe just looked at you, smiling. “You are literally shivering; just take the god damn hoodie.” You relented sliding the hoodie on. You didn’t realize how cold you actually were until the warmth leftover from his body enveloped you and his woodsy scent filled your lungs. You thanked him, and your easy conversation continued. Eventually, you were lying down on your back by the fire. Rafe was seated looking down at you while you guys asked each other random questions like, What’s your favorite color? Rafe’s is blue, and yours is (Y/F/C). What’s your favorite animal? Rafes is a tiger, and yours is (Y/F/A). Rafe had just gotten done justifying why he thought Top Gun Maverick was a great movie, and he couldn’t believe you hadn’t seen it when he turned to look at you and noticed you were on your side sleeping. He tried gently shaking you awake, but you didn’t show any signs of waking up. He decided he would let you rest for a little while, then wake you up so you could head home, but the sound of the ocean and your light breathing lulled him to sleep.

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gardengirl222 · 15 days

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thinking about rafe, topper, and kelce, helping to teach you how to drive….

you were about to be gifted a pretty new car for your birthday but you still didn’t know how to drive so the boys said they’d help teach you! you stood in the shade picking at your nails as the boys planned an easy enough route for you to practice on without hitting anything or anyone.

“can we get going pleaseee, you guys can trust me- i read a car manual once, i know how things work….”

“fine, we should be alright i guess…” rafe mumbles as he opens the drivers side car door for you to hop in, he sticks out his hand for you to grab to help you climb into his truck. with rafe in the passenger seat next you, top and kelce in the back you put on the seat belt and place your hands onto the steering wheel to wait for instructions.

“i can’t believe you are lettin' her use your car man.” kelce shakes his head with wide eyes

“it’s better than lettin’er practice in one of yours, mine the safest one if anything were to happen.” rafe turns his head back to you “j’us don’t crash…kay?”

“mmhm…how do i start?”

rafe, with his tendency to stress easily, guiding you through the basics of starting the car and adjusting the mirrors. his hands grip on the steering wheel as he instructs you like a child to put your foot on the brake pedal.

"kay, slow and steady now babydoll" rafe says, his voice stern yet soft, letting go of the wheel so you could try keeping it straight. "we don't want to accelerate too quickly, jus' easeee onto the gas...not too much!" you press down on the pedal with your foot as the car moves forward a few inches then breaks suddenly causing everyone in the car to jolt forward.

“jesus!!…” topper breathes out, both him and kelce then grip onto the handles on the inside roof of the car.

"oh god, i'm sorry!" you wince

“s’alright s’fine just try- try again…” topper encourages as you place your foot back on the gas pedal again

slowly you start to get the hang of it, cruising slowly down the street at a decent pace, everyone seems to be relaxed as you are gaining confidence behind the wheel. then your phone starts to ring, you look down to were you set it down near the cup-holders which causes you to lose a little control of where you are going and makes the car swerve slightly and speed up.

“EYES ON THE ROAD!” they all shout boyishly, panicked and clearly stressed. rafe’s hand flies out in front of you to emphasize its importance.

“that might be kie, can i get it?”

“NO!!!” they all shout again

“jeez, ohkay!”

kelce mutters little prayers under his breath "please, let us survive this.” you let out a nervous yelp when up ahead you see a squirrel just chilling in the middle of the road.

“what do i do!”

“JUST SLOW DOWN!” “EYES ON THE ROAD!” the boys shout overlapping their panicked voices, you scream and squeeze your eyes shut and turn your head away.

“NO HEY! DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY!?” rafe shouts all rambly

“ohkay!” you hit the breaks just before the squirrel scampers off up a tree.

“ALRIGHT OUT.” rafe commands, pushing his hair back out of his face, then unbuckling you. “I’m driving the way back, switch.”

as rafe gets out of the passenger seat and rounds the hood of the car to get into the driver seat as you climb over the armrests to get to your new seat.

“jesus kid…you know what?...you wanna go somewhere in your new car? call me and i’ll take you wherever you wanna go….s’dangerous havin' you out on the roads like this.” rafe huffs as he starts the car again.

“we almost died!” topper lets scoff almost in disbelief at how things took a turn.

“I got slightly distracted! wasn’my fault.”

i luvvvv the kook trio

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1-800-imagines · 5 days

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the party. part 1 |r.c.|

outerbanks masterlist

you nodded as she broke away from you. you had recently been broken up with by your long term boyfriend and he had just posted a picture with another girl, knowing you’d see it.

it was also the girl he had told you ‘not to worry about’.

thankfully you had been at sarah’s house when you saw it otherwise you would’ve been in trouble. you probably would have shown up and punched him in the face.

sarah left her room, grabbing her keys and heading out which left you alone with your thoughts.

you couldn’t help it, your eyes welled up and tears started to fall. a small sob escaping your lips.

too distracted by your own pain, you hadn’t realized rafe was leaning on the door frame. “you okay kid?” rafe asked.

you looked up and wiped the tears from your cheek nodding. you didn’t want rafe to see you cry. “i’m fine, just somethin in my eye.”

rafe laughed, “that’s a bunch of bullshit and we both know it.” he walked into the room and sat at the edge of the bed. “i saw his story.” rafe’s voice was quiet, “can’t believe he’d be so stupid to fuck things up with you for that dumb coke whore.”

a tear slipped down your cheek and rafe wiped it away with his thumb. you sucked in a breathe and rafe smiled, “why don’t you and sarah come to the party tonight?” normally rafe hated when sarah came to his friends’ parties. especially since she had recently broken things off with topper and gotten with john b.

other than that fact, you knew it was a bad idea. especially since it was at topper’s house and your ex was friends with topper. rafe knew this and as if he could read your mind, he said, “i’ll make sure he doesn’t go near you. promise.”

“what about sarah and top?” you asked quietly, also wanting to ask if your ex’s new girl would be there.

“they’ll play nice. especially if i tell top ahead of time. otherwise id sarah doesn’t wanna go, you can come with me.” he said it every so casually.

the thought of it made your stomach flip. going to a party with rafe? that would make your ex, scott, flip the fuck out. which is exactly what you wanted to happen.

“yeah i’ll ask sarah. but otherwise ill go with you if that’s okay?”

rafe just smiled and shook his head, “wouldn’t have offered if i didn’t want to, kid.” your stomach flipped when he called you kid, again. he had been affectionately calling you kid since you were a literal child. he was only a few years older than you and sarah but his nickname for you never faded. he didn’t even call sarah or wheezie a nickname. only you.

you had never thought of rafe as a brother like you thought of wheezie as a baby sister. you had grown up with a giant crush on rafe cameron.

he patted your leg, snapping you out of your thoughts, and finished by saying, “just text me and let me know what you decide. i got to go pick up from barry and grab some drinks for tonight. okay?” all you could do was nod, your heart racing.

----

comment to be tagged for part 2!

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron fanfic #obx #obx fanfiction #obx imagine #outer banks #outerbanks #outerbanks imagine #outerbanks imagines #rafe #rafe x reader #rafe x you #rafe cameron x you

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xveenusx · 4 months

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Guilty

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: it didn't matter that she did everything for him. it didn't matter that she loved him. insecurities ruin a great thing, love can't fix these problems

Authors note: angsty angsty angsty, bad JJ

Song rec: grave by tate mccrae

Part 2: Wanted

Perfect.

Everything had to be perfect.

The perfect dress. The perfect makeup. The perfect boy.

The past several days were borderline catastrophic with JJ getting arrested for sinking Topper’s boat. I begged and pleaded with my parents to help me get him out, promising them anything they wanted. They asked for the one thing I couldn’t give them. JJ.

And yet, I said yes. I said yes because the thought of him sitting in a cell all alone, stuck with nothing but his thoughts made my stomach turn. He’s always thought that nobody needed him. Maybe that was something his drunken father drilled into him but it was far from the truth. I needed him.

Everything had spun out of control and it all started the minute I met JJ Maybank. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being with him was like walking for the first time. Nerve wracking yet exhilarating--freeing.

My life before him was just that, a life. Everything revolved around being the perfect little daughter to my parents. Debutantes, charity dinners, polo matches, and country clubs filled my schedule to the brim but they were rarely there. My mother was running a successful fashion line, working on her latest release while my father was a shark in the courtroom. While I loved every second of splurging on clothes, lavish trips to Europe, brunch at my favorite restaurant, I was missing something. I always felt like something was missing in a world where I had everything.

That’s not to say I’m ungrateful for every opportunity my position and family has afforded me. But when you spend enough time with people you realize are only conversing with you for money or to step on you to increase their social capital, nothing seems genuine.

Everything interaction was superficial and it became isolating. But with JJ, each and every moment we shared was intimate and unfeigned.

He taught me how to surf the swells he spent hours in daily. I learned the slight touch of hand in the art of being a mild kleptomaniac. After several failed attempts and many loud complaints, I could finally balance on his dirt bike.

None of these moments could be bought with money and maybe that’s why I cherished them so much. I cherished them so greatly that I refused to let them go.

And in turn, I couldn’t let him go. Despite the ever growing distance that's wedged itself between us the moment he was released from jail. Maybe it was a pride thing, or maybe it could have been the condescending jabs my dad threw his way, but JJ had pulled away.

My father's threats to revoke the bail money hung heavy above our heads. So tonight, I was going to try and change that. I needed to bridge the gap that had us so far apart. Midsummers was how I was going to achieve that.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and held it for several seconds to calm my racing heart. I open them slowly, dragging my gaze along my reflection on the floor length mirror at the entrance to the club. A silky number drapes my dainty figure in the softest brush of yellow with threaded pearls as straps. Ivory satin Jimmy Choo heels from their latest collection decorated my feet.

The familiar rumble of a truck had a grin pulling at the corners of my lips. My parents were somewhere in the building, having been on the board and needed to sign off on some last minute details.

I didn’t mind the constant abandonment. The loneliness that once clung to me had slowly evaporated the moment JJ entered my world.

Grabbing my Chrsitian Dior clutch, I headed for the entrance of the Island Club. A familiar mass of shaggy blonde hair had my feet moving quicker. The minute his face came into view I knew something was wrong.

His lips were tight in a grim line as he continuously shook his head. I quickened my steps, apologizing swiftly to several people who were trying to get my attention.

“I’m sorry, sir. Are you a member here?”

“Well, no, but my girlfriend-.”

“Then I’m afraid you're going to have to turn back around. This is a private club.”

“Listen dude, my girlfriend invited me and-”

“Sir, you need to get back into your vehicle before I call security.” The coordinator, who went by Ryan, dismissed JJ without a second glance.

JJ’s eyes narrowed. “If you’d let me speak-”

“This is private property.”

“Bro, calm down. You’re not protecting the president.” JJ huffed, shoving his hands into his pocket. His cheeks tinted a slight red which had my blood boiling.

He was person. Period. One that didn't deserve to be treated like that especially in such a public setting. I was livid at the thought of Ryan managing to make JJ feel embarrassed.

“You’re not a member-”

“No, but I am.” I snapped coming to a stop beside him, causing the event coordinator to rear his head back in surprise.

“Hey, baby. ” The familiar pull of his voice coated me like the warmest honey. A smirk tugged at his lips at the obvious irritation on my face.

Pausing to give JJ my attention, I placed a soft kiss on his lips and pushed back a wild strand of blonde hair. “Hi.”

The smile he gave me was like a sudden beam of light that hit me square in the chest.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t realize he was with you-”

“Add JJ Maybank to my member account,” My words were sharp and left little room for argument, though they were dripping with the sickeningly sweet tone I mastered at the young age of twelve. “Consider yourself up to date.”

“I’ll get it done.” With that, Ryan tipped his head and left quickly.

I bristled once more, muttering under my breath, ”Dick.” My chest was heavy with guilt at his treatment, wondering if this was actually a good idea. I gnawed at my bottom lip nervously.

This was not how I wanted our night to start.

“I’ve never been a member before.”

Not bothering to conceal my giggle, I turned around and allowed my eyes to drift over every inch of JJ. The black suit I bought him was fitted and hugged every muscle in a way that had my stomach clenching.

Sun kissed hands reached for me the moment I was within his reach. My arms wrap around the mass of lean muscles, my nose buried in his neck. Taking a deep breath, salt and sex wax filled my senses and I let myself relax.

Home. He felt like home.

“You look very handsome.”

A rumble left his chest. “My sugar mama bought it for me.”

Hiding my face in his chest, a loud laugh slipped past my lips. JJ shushed me almost immediately, “People are looking. We can’t have them thinking we’re together.”

I pulled away, trying to keep a straight face at his antics. “We are together.”

“Shit, we are?” He held out his hand, amusement and mischief dancing in his eyes. “My sugar mama can’t find out or she’ll cut me off.”

How could I not love him when he made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt?

I hit his arm with my purse in mock outrage before taking his hand while his other touched my bare back. The feel of his rough calloused hands from all his hard work has me suck in a breath. Those rough hard hands knew my body intimately, inside and out.

“Do that again and I’m finding the nearest bathroom.” JJ leaned down, his lips brushing against the top of my ear.

A clearing of the throat had us both turning our heads. My father stood there with a stoic face, his eyes promising retribution later.

Looking at my father directly in the eye, I place my arm in the crook of his, lacing us together.

“I see you brought a friend.” The last word is spoken with clear disdain.

My grip on JJ’s arm tightened. “I brought my boyfriend.”

“We’ll talk about this later.”

As if they’d actually be home, I thought but decided to keep that to myself.

Deciding that this entire conversation was pointless, I was dragging JJ away from the pair when my father grabbed JJ, whispering something in his ear.

My stomach shrunk and apprehension filled me as the light look of JJ’s face fell, replaced with a flat look and hardened eyes.

“Duly noted, sir.” His mouth curled in a sarcastic snark.

I shot my father a disappointed look. Curling myself into JJ’s side, my arm wrapped around his waist and I tugged us into the party. “Ignore him, please.”

“Already forgotten, princess.”

My eyes watch his face for any sign of distress, but find nothing. Guilt ebbed aways at my walls.

“Let’s go find Mr. Adams. He owns a chain of surf shops. I’m sure if we schmooze him, we can get you a solid job or maybe even a board.” I tossed him a wink that had him grinning.

“I like the way you think. Lead the way, gorgeous.”

Despite his hand on my back, all the warmth we had a mere moments ago was gone. I couldn’t help but notice the small distance he kept between us. One that didn’t exist until my father opened his mouth.

Several hours later, the sun had begun to set and a cool breeze now caressed my bare back. I embraced the cool breeze due to the several glasses of champagne I had.

Despite my love for the warm buzz it gave me, it did little for my bladder. “I’ll be right back.”

His eyes widened in alarm. “You can’t leave me here with these people.”

I smothered my laugh with my hand. “Did you want to come with me?”

“To the bathroom? Kinky, I’m in.” JJ responded, clutching my hand in his before expertly pulling us through the crowd.

Nothing could peel off the cheesy smile that bore my face. Despite the slight hiccup at the beginning of the night, JJ charmed most of the members with his charm and humor. I was hoping with some networking, I could help JJ get some security. I believed he was capable of doing just about anything. He had such determination and never let failure keep him down.

JJ knew how to hussle and I wanted everyone to see his potential, even if at times he didn’t see it himself.

My heels clicked along the granite floor, our hands swinging in the air. A shriek escaped my lips as JJ twirls me around, my dress swishing around my ankles. “Gorgeous.” He puffed out his cheeks, his gaze boring into mine.

Our matching grins were nothing short of radiant. Being with him was easy in a world filled with difficult people.

“Well this is disgusting.”

JJ went rigid. That wouldn’t have concerned me if he hadn’t muttered panicked curses under his breath. “If someone says one more thing to me..”

JJ never let Rafe intimidate him before but for some reason JJ seemed a little more hesitant with this exchange. Realization dawned on me. The boat. Fuck.

I let my hands fall while rolling my eyes and turning to face Rafe. There he stood in all his stuck up glory, not a hair out of place and his suit neatly pressed. He looked every bit of a country member as one could possibly be with the light blue suit paired with a white undershirt and blue bow tie, brown dress shoes on his feet.

“Don’t you have another line to snort?” I asked.

Sure, Rafe was conventionally attractive, if you didn’t pay attention to the blown pupils and the constant brush of his nose or the foggy look in his eyes.

JJ snickered beside me, his hand softly tapping my ass twice in support.

“JJ, go get me a drink.” Rafe cocked his head.

“I’m actually a member here now.” JJ responded, his hand caressed my cheek softly.

Shocked painted Rafe’s face. “That’s not poss-”

Kelce and Topper stood beside him, both in colored pressed suits as well. They kind of looked like the-”You powerpuff girls have fun.” JJ said with a crooked smile and a tip of the hat.

He seized me by the wrist and strode over to the exit. Relief at his plan to avoid a fight was fleeting at Rafe’s next words.

“If I knew a trailer home and food stamps was all it took for you to open your legs, I would have tried a long time ago.”

JJ jerked around in seconds, ripping out of my grip. He stalked towards Rafe, drawing his arm back before connecting with his jaw.

A shout passed my lips, my hands covering my mouth in horror as JJ struck Rafe twice more, one blow hitting him directly on the nose. Blood began to gush out of Rafe’s nose, staining his dress shirt a deep crimson. “Say that shit again. Say it.”

Rafe let out a mirthless laugh, his lips pulled at the sides revealing his red stained teeth. “Once a pogue, always a pogue. Isn’t that right, JJ?”

Kelce jumped into action, his arm wrapping around JJ’s neck, pulling him off a Rafe into an effective headlock. That’s when I noticed two more hulking figures and suddenly we were surrounded.

“Five on one, Rafe? Really?” JJ choked out, tugging at Kelce’s arm.

Without thinking, I walked behind Kelce and slammed the metal clasp of the bag against the side of his head. Once. Twice. Three times. “Let go of him!”

Kelce let out a yelp and jerked back, causing his grip on JJ to loosen just enough for him to get free. I went towards him in an instant, but he pushed me behind him as he surveyed the remaining men in front of us.

Whispers dragged my attention from the scene in front of me as I locked eyes with several members who had poked their heads into the locker area. Shit, this really wasn’t good. I needed to get JJ out of here as soon as possible. I didn’t want to give my father any more ammunition against him.

Clutching his arm, I tugged him once more towards the exit. I could hear more activity outside the locker room which had me pulling at him harder. I wasn’t going to let Rafe make him look bad in front of all these influential people. Over my dead body.

“People are coming. We have to go.”

His chest rose and fell with quick breaths, his steele blue gaze not leaving Rafe’s.

“I’m serious. For me, JJ, please?” My final plea seemed to have pulled him out of his angry haze. Without wasting a second, he let me pull him further and further away from the group. Lacing his hand in mine, I made quick work of fixing his suit and his hair, pressing soft kisses as I went.

“Whenever you’re done slumming it, you know where I am.” Rafe called out from behind us, earning us enough leers from fellow members.

He tore his hand from mine. “Fuck this.”

Apprehension coursed through me.

I could feel the storm brewing with each step he took. I trailed behind, my small steps nothing to his long strides. Rafe hit a nerve. One that JJ refused to acknowledge and let fester for months now. It was the elephant in the room any time I offered to pay anything at all. It bothered him, all the money my family had.

“Ignore him, Jayj.” I called out from behind him but his steps never faltered. “Rafe was just trying to get a reaction out of you.”

I could hear the soft melody of the music drifting over the wind from the party that was supposed to fix all our problems. Perhaps I was sticking a bandaid on a gaping wound.

His shoulders were tense as he stopped a couple feet in front of me, shaking his head. Nerves had my stomach in knots. I only had one shot at trying to fix this. Feelings were never JJ’s thing. He spent months fighting our attraction before he finally gave in. Dating a Kook was never something JJ considered.

Unfortunately, it was something others thought as well because they never failed to remind him. My father included.

So here we are. JJ was backed into a corner and like any wounded animal, he had two choices. He could concede or attack and I knew JJ like the back of my hand. He would never give up, so instead he’d go for the throat.

Too bad it was my throat he went for.

“I understand-” I stopped speaking the moment JJ whipped around, his eyes cutting me deeply.

“You don’t.” I didn’t respond. My eyes lingered on his busted lip and bruised chiseled face. “You don’t understand so please don’t try to make me feel better by pretending that you do.”

I pursed my lips. JJ was right, I didn’t understand what it was like to be in his position, but that didn’t mean I didn’t care. That I didn’t want to take away every ounce of pain if it meant he would be happy.

“You’re right. But Jayj, it’s Rafe.” I argued softly, not wanting to draw attention to us. “He always says shit like that to rile you up but you’ve never let it bother you before. Why now?”

JJ’s face flushed. “Because he’s fucking right. That’s why it bothers me.”

My lips wobbled and I pressed them together. I had gone out of my way to ensure he’d never feel this way. I guess I failed.

I moved closer, my steps unsure and clumsy. “You never said anything.”

My hand rested against his chest, and I could feel the familiar pounding of his heart.

“That’s nothing new.” He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.

That did little to ease the emotional storm brewing within me. Every interaction since he was little was nothing short of violent and negligent.

He wasn’t used to softness and kindness. We were trying to navigate in uncharted waters but we’re thrown off the boat every time the water got choppy.

“We can go. Let’s just go, baby. Let me just say bye to my parents-“

“Stop.” He demanded, his tone serve. So unlike JJ.

I dropped my hand and instead chose to focus on the sound of our breathing. I had to keep my head on straight, because I could tell he was already building up his wall so high, making his fortress impenetrable.

JJ had never had a consistent thing in his life and I’ll be damned if I let that happen to us.

Squaring my shoulders back, I faced his heated gaze head on. If he wanted an argument, he’d get one, but we’d both be leaving together.

I had no intention of going anywhere.

“Stop?” I echoed, raising my brow.

His eyes were as cold and hard as obsidian. “Yes, stop. How is leaving going to solve any of this?”

“You’re picking a fight with me for no reason. I’m not the one you’re mad at.”

JJ raked his fingers through the sun bleached golden strands causing them to fall along his forehead. “Maybe I am.”

My eyes widened at his words. What had I done? He’d shared every bit of his world with me and I only wanted to do the same.

Was that not what people do when they’re in love? Aren’t you supposed to share your interests with your partner and aren’t they supposed to want to know them?

“For what?”

He tugged at his shirt collar. “Why am I here?”

My brows furrowed in confusion. Why would he even ask that?

“Why am I here, at this Midsummer's bullshit?”

“Because I wanted you to be.” I smoothed out my hair to give my trembling hands something to do. “It’s something that matters to me, it’s not bullshit.”

I had spent months planning this party since my parents were on the board. I wanted everything to be perfect for them and for him. It all seemed silly now. A part of that stung deep in my soul. Bullshit was never a word I used to describe any of the interests he showed me, yet he so easily spouted it at me.

JJ stayed quiet but continued to fidget with the silver ring on his finger. I wanted to close the distance between us but didn’t know how.

“Don’t let Rafe of all people ruin this. His opinion means nothing.”

He lifted his chin. “It matters to your dad.”

I barely held back my wince. “He doesn’t get a say in who I date, JJ.”

“Oh, are we lying to each other now?”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Are we going to pretend that you don’t care about what your parents think?”

I took a step back as though he hit me. “Stop talking before you say something you’ll regret.”

“Everything you do is to get their attention. You’d die without their approval.”

In a manner of speaking, he was right. My parents barely paid me an ounce of attention and it was hard not to think it had to do with me. There must have been something wrong with me for my parents to not want to spend time with me. I spent the majority of my life trying to live up to their expectations hoping to be the daughter they always wanted, but nothing worked. I couldn’t get them to love me.

And he threw it all in my face.

I stared at him with tears in my eyes, hurt and stricken.

At the sight of my tears, he looked away with his jaw clenched.

“Why are you with me?” He hissed, holding out his arms. “It’s not like I can take you to dinner in Paris or buy you the clothes you like so much.”

Insecurity was a cruel thing. It had the power to turn someone as confident and sure as JJ into a puddle of irate nerves. And as his insecurity continued to dig its hooks further into his skin, he continued to rip into me, piece by piece.

“Because I love you. Because you make me laugh.” My voice raised, my hands clenched into fists by my sides. “Where is this coming from?”

Anxiety wound its way up my throat clocking off my air.

“You’re fucking shoes are four grand. Do you know what I could do with four grand? I could get the power turned on in my house, or better yet, pay for the house.” The look he shot me had me wanting to be six feet under. He’d never looked at me like that before. He made me sound vapid and superficial. Like I didn’t spend most of my time on his side of the island.

The guilt I felt early came back tenfold. Guilt for my position. Guilt for the money my family had. Guilt for the things I enjoyed buying, both for him and myself.

Maybe I was just as bad as Rafe.

Pain sliced my chest as his gaze continued to penetrate me like bullets.

“The other side of the island is starving and everyone here is drinking champagne and gambling a mortgage for fun. It’s disgusting.” JJ began to pace, shaking his head in disbelief. “You had me kissing ass to all these people, and for what? A job? Stop trying to turn me into something that I’m not.”

I wrapped my arms around my waist. “That wasn’t what I was doing. I was trying to open doors for you so you had options. All I wanted was to help give you a fighting chance.”

“I didn’t ask for your help.” The words continued to pelt at me, hitting my heart every time. The pressure in my chest only tightened further.

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for the person you love?” My voice shook, matching the trembling of my body. “It never mattered before.”

I'd never been in love before him. I didn't have anything to compare it too since the most affection I get from my parents is a card on my birthday. I thought by doing everything they didn't do for me, supporting and comforting and physical touch, would somehow translate into love.

“Of course it mattered. You’re a fucking Kook.” The raw and angry words seeped into my veins, the audible crack of my heart echoing for all to hear.

My throat constricted. Enough, I couldn’t hear anymore. No, no, no. But JJ seemed to have other plans.

“I mean, I’m standing here in a custom Tom Ford whatever that could have fed me for months. I’m out of my element and it makes my skin fucking crawl. John B is getting sent to CPS and Pope is getting jumped and I’m here at some stupid dinner with the people that did it to him. What does that make me?”

My chest cracked open and my heart caved in. I finally saw the broken boy in front of me. Bruised and broken, completely uncomfortable and unsure of himself.

“Kiara’s a kook.”

“Kiara’s different and you know that.” It remained unsaid but I knew what he was referring to. Kie was a hippie rich chick who didn’t enjoy all the things I did: designer clothes, luxury dinners, expensive food. In other words, I was a self absorbed kook princess that didn’t care for those around me.

It didn’t matter that I spent most of the summer with JJ helping him fix homes in the cut. It didn’t matter that I donated to charities or helped send care kits to those on the cut after the hurricane. It didn’t matter that I spent almost all my free time with him and the pogues just as Kiara did.

To him, I represented everything he hated. It didn’t matter that I loved him so deeply I defied my parents. It didn’t matter that I upended my life and chose to be with him. He could never see past the money, something I had no control over.

I may have been standing in custom Christian Dior and Jimmy Choo, but I’ve never felt more cheap as JJ continued to cut me down with each word.

“Do you want me to apologize?” My pulse spiked as a burst of adrenaline had me spouting the truth. “I had just as much a choice of being born on figure eight than you did on the cut.”

He looked at me like he hated me. “I don’t know how we deluded ourselves into thinking this could ever work.”

“You don’t get to stand there and make me feel guilty for who I am. Just because I have money and like nice things, doesn’t make me an asshole. I’ve treated everyone in my life with kindness. Don't group me with them.”

JJ scoffs, pointing at the crowd on the dance floor. “Them? Them--means your parents, baby”.

“I’ve never treated you less than me.” It was a last ditch effort.

“At least I know what Kook pussy tastes like.” He went for the kill. “Money and daddy issues.”

I stilled. The world stilled. Vicious hurt curled its way into my soul, etching every bit of it until I no longer existed.

Like I said before, I had no intention of going anywhere. But, I guess to JJ, he always had one foot out the door.

I think I stopped breathing. I blinked at him, hoping cameras would pop out and the whole thing came out as a prank. But, no cameras appeared.

Just him and I stood, in a field, an arms length apart but a universe away.

“You don’t mean that.” The words came out strangled. “Take it back.”

He said nothing. I had to bring a fist to my mouth to try and block out the harsh sob that threatened to escape.

“JJ, please.” I begged, my hands catching his arm. “Let’s just go.”

His normal vibrant eyes regard me coldly, a muscle jumping his jaw. I was drowning in my emotions. Everything had escalated to a level I couldn’t fix, because he wouldn’t let me. The bathroom seemed forever ago in the scheme of things. I can see the battle in his eyes of whether to give into his self destructive behavior or to come back to me.

Any hope I had of him coming back to me dissolved in a matter of seconds. A security guard came up behind him, gripping JJ by the forearm and tugging us towards the front of the party. My eyes widened in horror as I realized they were going to parade him around in front of everyone which would just humiliate him more.

“Jeez Daryl, could you loosen up your grip,” JJ complained, attempting to jerk out of the large man’s grip. He didn’t so much as flinch at each of JJ’s gripes either.

"What do you think you're doing?" I snapped, "Let him go, Darryl."

Darryl shook his head and gave me an apologetic look. "No can do. Mr. Cameron complained."

JJ Scoffed. “I can let myself out. I have two legs.”

“JJ, please stop.”

“I appreciate the discretion, Daryl.”

He self-destructed right in front of me. JJ grabbed a drink off an unsuspecting member and chugged it down before tossing the glass on the floor.

In the end, JJ was always going to be JJ. I saw the moment he decided to destroy everything we had. It was a slight shift in his body and that penetrating gaze of his hardened into a cruel amusement. JJ shrugged my hand off his, before his eyes flitter across the crowd as though he's looking for someone. Then I watched as they landed on a familiar brunette.

“Hey, let him go. I’m a member of this club and I invited him.” Kie shouted at Darryl who paused for a brief moment. I could see her parents trying to discreetly get her to stop but Kiara refused. At the sound of her words, an appreciative grin tugged at JJ’s lips.

It didn’t matter that I had said the same thing hours ago. It didn’t matter that I not only defended him but made him a member. I liked shiny flashy things and she didn’t. Apparently, that made her better than me.

“Mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie.” He shouted, pointing at where she stood in front of her parent’s. “Pope, you as well, alright?”

I had a disposition for loving people too much, no matter how they treated me. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t care that I wasn’t presentable. I didn’t care that tears were falling down my face or that my hair was a mess. I didn’t want to be left behind. He promised.

“Let me come-”

Exasperation filled his features. "Take a fucking hint. You can go be with someone like Rafe now. You two deserve each other."

“Alright, Kie c’mon.” He didn’t spare me a second glance. I had to watch as Kie took off running towards him with Pope in tow. JJ held out his arms to catch her, arms she happily jumped into. John B lets out a humored shout while JJ spins Kiara around and they take off.

Leaving me all by myself. My parents nowhere in sight.

And suddenly everything hit me at once. My dress was too tight, my heels were pinching at the skin on my feet, the music was too loud, my hair was a mess. Nothing I did was right. Once again, I was left alone. Abandoned by the one person I thought would never leave. All because I loved him too much and he hated everything I couldn’t control.

I stood there, feeling like a silly little girl in a silly little dress I spent hours looking for, urging him to look back. He never did.

Authors note: I hope I hurt your feelings because I hurt my own writing this :) pls let me know what u think!!! I love hearing from you guys

Tagging my favs: @maybankslover @sipsthecoffee @alyisdead

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