#i think the problem is just that its such an intimate relationship in alot of ways

[girl-bateman]

Dream job rn is doing literally ANYTHING where I don't have to listen to, cater to, be responsible for, comfort, validate and help process anyone else's emotions ever again. I want to fucking put random papers in different piles of other random papers for like 6 hours straight and be paid a decent amount. ALL I ASK

#im sorry if i sound cold i just dont wanna fucking do it anymore im so so so sick of it #every day EVERY FUCKING DAY i have to listen to a rotation of the same people complaining about variations of the same problems #and i do care #but i dont think its in my nature anymore like it used to be- to do this job i mean #bc some days i feel like shit and im tired or havent eaten lunch (i dont even eat lunch anymore bc it isnt practical for my schedule) #and on those days i still have to be present and empathetic and a fucking therapist and friend and all that other actual practical shit #and i used to be able to turn myself off- like the real me and my emotions #but now all of it just makes me sick !!!! #i hate it i hate it i hate it #and i do care abt these people but the more i resent my job the more i resent them too and thats not fair #im just not the person i used to be #and aaah im sick of not feeling like a person every time i go in for work 😭 #which i guess isnt that weird- like who is 'a person' at work #i think the problem is just that its such an intimate relationship in alot of ways #so the fact that im used as a friend and seen as a friend by so many #but can never actually act like or be a friend- its hurtful ! #i just dont wanna fucking do it anymore god i wish i could explain it better 😞😞😞

[madfantasy]

Been crying alot lately not knowing why, nd now I can verbalise it, I need to type it down for the sake of my sanity.. I think its lots of trauma dumping, I'm sorry

I've seen a post ask about if you're an ace would u be in romantic relationships, and I have just thought about how I'm always revolted by these concepts since I was 6 years old.

Having been always groomed to be wed to one of my cousins or a rich somebody to be my highest achievements as it solely focuses on my private parts as my worth and my ability to contribute to the family's "Good reputation" and reap back benefits to.

But I knew, all along, if I was forced to be with someone, that will end me being on this earth or them if they tried going near me. And growing up, I always tried to accept that fact, accept that u need to be pure and clean and be good for wedding and basically enslaved to it, cuz that's all our still impoverished family can aspire to. And on top of the dark thing that happened to me, making me truly believe I have no worth in this world and have prayed to be taken to heaven before I hit puberty, and have tried pitiful attempts to leave it, untill i got faint access to Internet and stole the keys to the locked books, they themselves should have been reading, around 17 years old, found an only opening and escape to reality.

I remember, my refusal was all the firmer the more anyone tries to tell me all about the glamor of being an intimate house maid and the domestic abuse they gloss over that I personally have witnessed time and time again with every couple that visited or we went to. I always respond that i am already one to my guardian's with the same abuse minus the gross intimate part.

I didn't even understand why I hated it so much while everyone is doing it, and as young as 16.

I avoided alot of marriage offers thanks to my guardians being, in one good way, over protective. And me losing my mind every time they brought it up. Literal uncharacteristic melt downs and now they fear the subject after they finally snapped me after saying no for years wasn't enough of a respond.

I'm 30 and the latest offer was from a rich cripple who was willing to pay all my guardians debts and give them a farm. My guardians dream. They turned it down without consulting me.

I've always hated the concept of pairs joined by s*x and the s*x itself. And marriage as a whole never made sense to me, considering the developing world and its problems. But I understand it as a bond if its first and foremost was not for love, it was for safety— mental, financial and otherwise.

And where I come from, independence is supported by the family, you can not survive, work, do anything if you do not have a family, and specially if you assigned a certain gender. So basically, I lived in isolation for the majority of my life, in poverty, marriage seen as the only -allowed- way out.

And it's all stims from a so called religious teachings.. Alot in common in this world, who take it as a personality trait and use it to justify injustice. Even though most of the time they know nothing about it beside what they are told by their authority figures and operat in this world as superior to all others because they were told they r the true religion. I saw on TT a so called mus-girl complaining about her children being exposed to 'rainbow ppl' in school education and having the nerve to complain about it living as a foreigner welcomed to practice her religion in a western country and claims not to be hateful. And yes, Arab ppl call the community 'rainbow' which reeks of the phobia and condescension. Like their religion teaches them to be at peace with all and treat ppl how they like to be treated, yet they fail to apply that when they don't like or lack the emotional intelligence to understand others who are merely different, just different and existing, exactly like them. And they do believe God made everything, so he did make those people, so what their excuse to that? And they exsisted since tbe dawn of humanity. And funny thing is their religion tells them that God made humans different, and urges them to read, to wonder the earth and consider facts and if they don't know to ask who are knowledgeable, and their intentions matters more and if they did unjustly by anyone, who ever they are, they r not a true mus--. It obviously translate to just ask a man who knows nothing about science, empathy or common sense or notice the accumulating facts and only repeat a select few he is told at a religious house. Thinking seems to be a burden these people happily relinquish to others. Which irkes me to no end

I was told all the shit I endured is because it from gods teachings, and it should make me happy. I never stopped questioning if this is a bless then why I was never happy? And why I can't do as I am told

They beat me up when I drew, when I was rowdy and when what now i know is stimming, shaming it as an act of another religion, and it was the running joke in the whole family. Mental health was an immense shame and hush hush, and anyone who seemed to need it was judged to be just a lesser mus-- so they deserve all the pain and suffering they get

I was glad that lady was getting chewed by ppl who was responding to her, but one person said something that just made me burst into tears and I couldn't stopp crying lately..

She said she was a teacher that goes from school to school and stuff so she experienced alot of communities and she noticed the vast differences between children who's family love and support is unconditional and those who don't, they obviously tend to later thrive.

And thats the word..

Thrive

Besides our financial situation never changing to the better, everything else was in decline, my guardians health themselves relying on me even more, and my mental anguish exasperated to a point i barely see a point in life, daily.. I can barely draw now, something I did 24/7

Everything that I am I had to do deep research for just to know that there's nothing wrong with me or im not deserving punishments for. I am ace, I am a gentle Them, I am on the spectrum, and I am Mani..

I did everything I do now in secret and complete agony. I learned English to gave privacy, continued to draw cuz it was my only alive part, and posted online when I was forbidden completely to protect my art from being lost, had to swear that I was nit interacting with others. I lied and one of the few times I was found, I was beaten while a school friend was on the other line in a voice chat. I was more humiliated that my friend witnessed it than being caught.

I still have the deep fear and distrust, I can't deal with social things, having to keep guessing which social cues they are using and not to become a living status, leaving the house the mere thought if it alone is panic inducing, I can never feel safe and cant risk something that might bring any harm to me and my sibs, every few days I struggle not to just delete my whole exsistance online. I can't look at faces even in pictures and if I did or need to I have to mentally prepare myself for so long. I literally had to convince my guardians that I can have a credit card so I can "learn" to do stock shi then used it to have PP and one day i got commissioned, and only when that happened I was able not to keep it a secret. And in its place now I feel the pressure when I can't provide or won't

The rest I still have no luck, I bearly managed to tell them recently that I suspect that I am on the spectrum, reading alot about it lately and it explains even things I couldn't. The nearest I managed to tell them that I am ace and what it is is that I started by saying I find who we are suppose to be wed to disgusting and I already living that glamorous stay at home shi nd co-raising 5 siblings they know very little about. They said fine but don't go saying that out loud cuz God says that marriage is the greatest bless but I won't force u ever.

I just feel my life force almost over, while I experienced nothing of life beyond isolation and constant need, so i cant thrive in anything.. Everything I wanted to do I begged to try was denied cuz either of my privates or cuz we were poor. I wanted to be athletic and do sports but there was no such thing as a second gender sports around. I wanted to be and still wish I could be, a wrestler. Unsurprisingly WWE was my inspiration and practiced as serious as a kid could, having what I believed a super pain tolerance cuz I never cried as I was beaten. I was cut from even watching it because it was "shameful " all of a sudden. Later I understood it was because everyone was shirtless and it was s*xulised by them. Everything became the same later, everything I drew or expressed feared to be s*xual and or homo nd I was punished over, I literally drew dying ppl and bromance alot at first. And they just projected their assumptions on me. I understood later and still can't bear the thought that ppl can project s*x into anything, and it never clicked in my mind because of what I am. And that was their biggest fear. I drew things cuz I saw them beautiful, and they only saw it as vulger, because they can't help but hyper s*xualize everything or assume it being so even with clear indications. Something that happened online too, tumblr nd tt, so it triggers me horribly

Something ace i also realised there's a word for (forgotten ittt ugh)— even though s*x and its mention is completely revolting to my person and I can have no relation to it. I can still enjoy it as a fictional concept, as entertainment, if u will, specially in a muse of two characters I enjoy. So drawing it is fun and exciting and enrichs my naughty side. Until I finish it and I never want to see it again cuz I'm not super good at it yet heh

In my mind, I can love and treasure who ever platonicly, and our bonds does not have to direct our paths in life. My romance is bromance, and meaning I will do everything to make my bestie happy, and my biggest wish is to live like tintin, in a mansion and everyone can be free to go on adventurous escapades, like getting coffee. ( i never done that, so

And this is something I wish to do with my siblings, if the stars were ever to align..

At least have Sherir with me.. puppets make me happy

#text #personal #vent

[aperfectcircle10]

Letter to Zain.

What is love?

What you must know, to let go, is quite simply your FEELINGS matter.

 Especially in an intimate relationship. 

If you dont feel SAFE, seen, heard, valued, understood as the person you are - there is no reason to stay and waste your time. 

He is who he is, and he will not change for anyone. He is emotionally unavailable and also told me more than once he thinks he will be single at the end of his life. I truly believe he probably will be. 

You are not crazy. You are with the wrong person. A man thinking he is going to be alone and causing you to keep seeking clarity outside of the relationship to know you arent losing your mind is the sign the relationship isnt working. Would you agree? What do you think? Ask yourself. 

We could discuss all the bizarre things he says and does. I know there are alot. Discuss what you hope for, and why your hopes are always dashed by him ... but alot of those things are your own preferences and his preferences so you end up more confused looking at the whys and likes and dislikes (you should be able to discuss things like this but with him you really cant) Is one of the games he plays. You keep waiting for things to make sense and they keep getting more complicated and confusing overall despite happy moments sprinkled in here or there, overall things are going nowhere good and you know you shouldnt feel so bad. 

He isnt ready to love he wasnt from the beginning, he admits he will probably never be ready to love, and he is not going to change. 

Nik told me flat out he has problems with respecting women and that he doesnt see them as worthy of the same respect as men and maybe these issues come from his childhood. Is probably one of the most insightful honest things he ever said to me and if i didnt think you really deserve to and need to know i would keep his words a secret but you need to understand how he sees you in order to even begin to get away from the situation. Is so hard. 

You have to know who you are, and stay grounded in your own perception of reality. 

Dont beg him to change because hes not going to. He doesnt know how to change in my opinion. Accept the disappointment and heartbreak and walk away before you waste years not getting anywhere you wanna go in love. 

Im not any relationship expert, and because im not im not comfortable giving you alot of advice regarding love and relationships what things should be like. 

But its mostly common sense to me what im saying personally you should be safe talking to your bf/husband.. and they should care if you are happy and just how you feel in general. He will make you think these things are alot. Would you agree? You have to ask yourself because you are your way out. 

I can only tell you Nik I feel 100 percent certain is not going to love you the way you want him to (or any woman) no matter what you say or do, because he doesnt want real intimacy, closeness or accountability for your relationship. 

He will debate problems with you but will not resolve anything you bring up... endlessly. He will make you feel like you dont want the relationship (tell you its you, youre not happy and you dont love him) when all you really want is for him to care at all if you are happy with the relationship and that is completely normal in a relationship to want, you both should matter. 

No you dont expect him to make you happy. You are your own person. You are pretty brilliant from what I could tell, chasing your dreams. You just want him to care, and he should, or HE shouldnt be with you. 

Do you care if he is happy? of course you do. You want him to be happy, i assume? Is why you are seeking clarity. Because your heart cares.. youre confused

You need to be careful not to overexplain yourself to him. You need to deeply and completely internalize the idea that if he was the right guy for you he would care how you feel. Without question. Unless you simplify things you will never escape the arguing with him. Do not argue about how you feel. 

Intimate relationships are not meant to be constantly unhappy, unsafe, or confusing. You start going crazy nothing makes sense. 

The issue with Nik is the more you say, the more you overthink, the more confusing things become. You absolutely must simplify things. 

You love him and he does not love you. Is probably the clearest way to see things. 

From there you can vent your feelings to friends and heal. Because it does suck getting your heartbroken. And he is definitely the most confusing person I ever dated. He is great in theory and has moments so you just wanna hold on. It was almost impossible for me to get out. You cannot use logic, because you have to avoid arguing - you have to value your emotions. 

You shouldnt be seeking help, you should be able to talk to him. Safely. But you cant and you wont be able to at all. Is one of the reasons its so hard to walk away because you want the clarity you will never get from him. Is closure of the relationship but clarity with yourself is what you need to pull yourself out of the relationship. You have to be on your own side, you dont need his permission or anyone elses. You are not imagining what you are going through. Neither was I, neither was Panda. 

I wish you so much strength and a much better future. You can leave and life will get better in time if you allow it to. Life will not get better with him. 

Value your feelings. EXPECT your boyfriend or potential husband to do the same (reasonable). You are allowed to have some expectations in love and you really have to. Because him not valuing your feelings is why you are ultimately hurt and confused even if it seems like a thousand other things. Is the way I got out. 

🫀🔑

[alexinotherlands]

the idea of ever getting into a relationship- at this time. just sounds scary on one hand and exhausting in the other. Being trans and opening up to people intimately is its own problems. Could be fear of rejection on my end, sure, though just never knowing peoples true colors and ending up with someone harmful is horrifying to me.

Exhausting because its just so much work and I hardly have any energy for anything. I also just dont have any experiences, previous exes lasted at least 8 month before we just faded or one was moving and wanted to cut it so it was easier for us both to move on. I know it's not impossible, just alot of work or luck or chance. Until then, I think just vibing solo and figuring life outs the best bet.

#rambles #text post

[zeldasnotes]

𝕷𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖘

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of sex, abuse and death.

Lilith conjunct Moon get into alot of triangle drama and ”side chick” situations. They attract men whos already in a relationship. Other women dont trust them.

Lilith aspecting Ascendant might be really petite. Not only short but petite. They dont look short they look SMALL or they could be super tall, anyways the body will stand out in some way making it hard to fit in and go unnoticed

Alot of women with a prominent lilith have deadbeat dads or just dads who are really aggressive, especially lilith 1st and 10th.

Lilith Square Ascendant can sometimes scare people because they naturally have such a raw look. NOT their style or clothes its their own natural look.(Cameron Diaz and Johnny Depp has this.)

Lilith conjunct Mars can have anger issues.If they have alot of cancer and libra in their chart this can be someone who's extremely passive aggressive and say hurtful comments.

Lilith conjunct Mercury/3rd house might have issues with siblings, can be the black sheep of the siblings. They could also have a dead sibling.

Lilith 4th house and lilith conjunct moon attract lilith women into their lives.

Lilith 12th house can have alcohol/drug problems. They might have a lot of memories they want to avoid. Can be the type to drink EVERY DAY, they get good at hiding it tho.

Lilith 1st house is a placement that I feel is very misunderstood in astrology. Everyone thinks these people are manhaters etc. what ive noticed with lilith 1st house women is that their anger is often directed at other women. They can be bitchy for no reason and mostly towards women.

Lilith dominant women believe it or not can actually be ”pick me's” in their younger years.

Lilith 5th house have noticeable hair in some way. Might color it red

Lilith 5th house people might be obsessed with attention from their prefered sex. Might fish for compliments

Lilith 4th house have a very manipulative mother, the mother might use them to manipulate others. (My friend has lilith in 4th house and everyone reacts to how her mother talks to her)

Lilith 8th might have som really messed up memories from their childhood when it comes to sex. They knew what sex was early. Might have been abused.

Lilith 8th house thinks alot about death they might have been fascinated by death early in their life. You will hear them say ”im gonna kill him” when angry, they might also have plans in their heads on how to kill someone.

Lilith 2nd house loves slow, intimate sex with alot of kissing

Lilith conjunct Sun have a lot of male haters. Also issues with their dad. Might have a lilith dominant dad or attract males with lilith aspects. Men wants to control them. (Britney Spears has this!)

Lilith Square Ascendant women are sometimes so sexy that its just too much for some people too be around. They might be victims of extreme anger and hate from others.

If you have any of these aspects I would love to hear what you think!

#ascendant #astro observations #astro notes #lilith in the 1st house #lilith in the houses #lilith aspects #lilith square ascendant #astrotidbits #astrology #venus 8th

[akookminsupporter]

About the different standards between TK and literally every ship and jikook comes down to mostly, in my opinion, homophobia.

With every other single ship in bts it basically comes down to basic bestie moments and skin ship. And every member in bts are fairly attractive men, TK specifically being voted number 1 handsome man and number 1 sexy international man. Its a visually pleasing pair that allows people to enjoy a fantasy. Enjoy creating moments. It's literally fiction. And that's fine (to a point, TK has a tendency to take way too f*cking far). Its literally part of the kpop culture to allow those fantasies and fictions.

Jikook though, they make people uncomfortable because they threaten the fantasy. People cannot even include them in a fantasy because they break it so often. Their moments are too tender and too romantic and too real. They go past the skinship, they go past the general "I'm a decent person and care about you so obviously I'm nice to you" moments. They also threaten every other single fantasy created for other ships just by existing next to each other. I'm an avid supporter of their relationship and fully believe they are in love and are boyfriends. And even i sometimes get uncomfortable watching them together simply because I feel like I'm intruding in an intimate moment that I shouldn't be allowed to watch. Lmao and part of that stems from how they talk to each other, part from how they touch each other, stare at each other, support each other, etc. I won't get into WHY I believe they are real, thats been talked to death over here lol, just that I think they are.

And the simple fact that jikook exists negates every other ship from being real. And I don't think its just opinions about TK not being close anymore. They literally said it themselves, that makes it fact. Even TKKs could see it, the amount of theories and posts and complaints about how there was a "drought" of TK content and obviously BH was hiding stuff from 2016 to 2019 was INSANE. Over the top. They KNOW but they don't WANT to know. It threatens the fantasy so they ignore it. I will say that personally I have been seeing a mark difference in TK interactio since ITS and I absolutely love and adore seeing them try and rebuild that friendship back up and become closer. I think for a long time they were mostly coworkers and friends but they were not besties and definitely were never romantically inclined. And this is nothing against them. I LOVE them. JK is my wrecker and Taes voice is one of my favs. They are goofy and silly and troublemakers and are some of the cutest members ever when they have their REAL moments. I love seeing it!

Honestly Taekook REVOLVES around jimin. Both members are obsessed with that man. TK lies and many other have this narrative that JM gets in the way or inserts himself between them or is causing problems when its actually taekook that drag him into everything. If Taekook WAS real (and they aren't, but lets pretend) then they are trying VERY very hard to make Jimin their third. They would both choose jimin first over each other and have proven it time and time again. Jimin is the center of that triangle, not anyone else. Lol and he is the center because JK is his boyfriend and Tae is his bff. He is their glue and they love him almost too much. But if Tae had to choose, he would pick Jimin. And if JK had tochoose, he would pick Jimin. That alone disqualifies TK from being real. Lol

And lastly (sorry for this giant ass essay!) I've seen all the talk about Jimin and femininity and how the fandom sees him and i generally hate it. The intro to bts videos never give him the credit he deserves but only ever focus on his insecurities, etc. He has an extremely dominant personality and is a very natural leader. RM has stated multiple times that he has gone to JM to talk about leadership things and that he leans on him alot. JM has stepped up to mediate fights between members as well. He is not a soft fragile little girl like most of the fandom seems to like to paint him as. Have you seen the clips where Jimin tells JK what to do? "Stay here" "sit down" and jk just.... does.... jimin is IN charge. He lets JK be on equal footing with him because he loves him. Not because he is a pushover. Jk also doesn't just listen to any of his other hyungs the way he listens to jimin. There is a reason there are those "I'm large but he is in charge" comps around.

I also agree that if I were to name the touchiest members, it would be Tae, Hobi and JK. They are all very tactile people. If I were to name the flirtiest members it would be Tae and Jin. (Don't get me started on taejin on stage because wtf are boundaries?? But no, I also don't really think they are real either) but seriously Jin flirts with Army like there is no tomorrow and is very receptive to verbal flirts/praise. Tae flirts with everything and anything. Lmao I wouldn't be surprised to see him giving his trademark bedroom eyes to a tiny tan statue next. And the way he flirts on weverse to army is next level. Jimin mostly just gives touches to those who crave it and praise to those who want it. And he mostly just honestly actually flirts with jungkook.

Jimin IS touchy, but he also keeps to himself. Every member has said that when jimin struggles, they have to pry it out of him to get him to lean on them or accept their comfort. (JK doesn't seem to have that much trouble with it though 👀). And every single member has at one point said that when they need comfort, they go to jimin. And that Jimin gives the best hugs. He is very sweet and very caring, but that doesn't make him have less of a dominant personality. I always think of Jhope reaching out to bring Jimins arms around him when he cried on his birthday. Or Jin accidentally missing a beat on stage when dancing and getting embarrassed and walking literally across the entire stage to where Jimin was so that he could get a hug from him. Or RM breaking down in tears when Jimin praised him as a leader and giving him a hug. Or Yoongi talking about how much it meant to him when Jimin called to check on him after his surgery.

I'll stop now, sorry. But basically I agree with you about jimin and how wonderful he is but how he is very far from submissive and soft. My favorite thing to watch are clips of Jimin literally softening his entire hard demeanor whenever he sees JK. I think that speaks for itself honestly. Borehae! You are doing a great job with this blog, thanks for making such a safe space for ARMY and jokers here!

I honestly have nothing more to add because anon said everything that needed to be said. Thank you anon.

#anon #ask #JM #opinions that are needed #serious conversation

[orionshounds]

I’ve been knee deep in dsmp lore streams and I just want to ramble about it

Dream smp lore is so good, it’s so good!!! Not only is the story itself just fascinating, but how it’s presented so uniquely through the medium of minecraft of all things is just so cool. One of my favorite parts of the lore is seeing how everyone on the smp has their own “style” they present it in, and watching them find the way they find the most enjoyment in is so cool. Literally no two streamer’s lore stream quite like each others and it’s just incredible! It just speaks to the flexibility of roleplay as an artistic medium and really shows everyone’s individual personalities. 

Wilbur was dramatic as hell and wrote eloquent speeches. He started a drug operation under the guise as a country, and it lead to a revolution in which he was able to explore the spiral of a man who loses control of everything he had built. And after his arc and he wanted a break from the server? He created ghostbur, an amnesic comic relief with just enough touch of tragedy that he is still able to make heartbreaking monologues when he wants to.

Tommy is able to run around with his friends and cause as much chaos to his heart’s extent, but there is so much more than meets the eye. He is incredibly social and isn’t afraid to start conflict with a lot of people, bringing them into the roleplay. He doesn’t back down from storytelling either. His character goes through terrible situations and he fully explores the trauma that comes from those experiences. His character goes against the “stereotypical” trauma I see alot in media; instead of being shy or scared he’s reactionary, he’s angry, he’s violent, he’s depressed. I’m actually really impressed with the heavy subject matter this 17 year old teen has managed to portray (I’ve connected with it quite personally at certain points), while still being able to keep the light hearted fun that’s so intrinsic to his personality. 

Tubbo isn’t really interested in serious lore as much. Even in dire moments he tells jokes and just has fun. So, in his recent lore, he just streams as normal while putting mysterious writing on screen that he doesn’t acknowledge or have to explain, which I think is just a genius work around for him to participate in lore. He still has his dedicated lore streams sometimes, and when he is in the acting zone he has some of the most powerful moments out of everyone on the server.

Ranboo, while having stake in the greater smp lore, is much more character focused. He presents his lore through long monologues and fucking heart-wrenching voice acting. He loves working in themes of horror and causing a specific feeling in the viewer. So he chooses specific music as a themes for events/characters and creates visual queues in his overlays to draw out that desired reaction. He also values improve a LOT, if something unexpected comes up he just runs with it and he has made huge changes to his lore as early as 30 min before a stream.

Technoblade, while arguably one of the most powerful people on the server, prefers a more light-hearted yet dramatic approach to lore. When Dream was at his house looking for Tommy, Techno had no problem joking around and making fun of him for being homeless. He tore down an entire nation on the server and had so much fun doing it! He’s more of an antagonist than a true villain in my opinion. And lets not forget how dedicated he is to the game, he’s cracked at the craft. He spends hours grinding and creating farms on the smp, for amazing pay offs (his several vault reveals, the withers, etc), most of which weren’t even on stream!

Karl Jacobs is extremely social, so he created Tales from the smp as a way to involve TONS of people in lore while exploring the past and future of the server (it was also a way for viewers who weren’t that well versed in dsmp lore to join and not have to worry about it!). And through this premise, he took the opportunity to develop his own character on the smp; making an incredibly tragic story of a time traveler trying to save his home while slowly loosing his memories. Not to mention the beautifully shot cutscenes of the Inbetween and the Other Side. He includes so many people behind the scenes as well, collabing with other members on lore, hiring building teams and people to make intros and credit scenes, and promoting fanart and fansongs from the community!

Quackity explores his lore through heavily scripted events and amazingly shot cut scenes. While the way he expresses his lore comes at the cost of improv, the payoff of the visuals and story is well worth it! The shots he makes of the smp is downright gorgeous, no to mention he’s the first person to include irl footage in his lore (not counting facecams)! He’s not afraid of thoroughly examining his own character, being one of the only people I can think of that shows us “past events” leading up to something that has already happened.

Badboyhalo, Antfrost, Ponk, Skeppy, Captain Puffy, Punz, Awesamdude, Hannahxxrose all work together on shared lore and the payoff is amazing! By introducing the Egg, a constant antagonistic force that constantly pulls on character’s relationships with each other, everyone is able to stream together to battle for or against the egg! There’s also plenty of room for people to do individual lore that's more intimate to their respective character. They spend hours changing vines, putting up posters, slowly shaping the smp in a way that makes it exciting to watch streams to see just what has changed everyday. Because there’s so many people necessary to tell the egg’s story, it does comes at the cost of time (the egg has been around FOREVER). However, they all work together super hard and I just admire their commitment to the story they’re trying to tell!

And Sam! He has several different “Modes” his character is in (and an entirely separate character, Sam Nook) that he gets to explore lore with. He’s a terrifying warden, he’s a money motivated businessman, he’s a conflicted lover, he’s a traumatized victim of the egg, and just so much more. Through having so many different “roles” in the rp he gets to explore relationships and plotlines with a whole array of people. Not to mention he’s absolutely cracked at redstone and has some of the most impressive builds on the server.

And Puffy! So much of her lore is calling into question the morality of the server and really makes you step back and think critically about the characters. Her character also has, in my opinion, one of the most interesting relationships with Dream, the main antagonist of the entire server, which is just fascinating to watch unfold. Not to mention she’s one of the first people to start exploring the backstory of her character!

George doesn’t exactly do lore. In fact he’s slept through so much of it it’s become a meme. And you know what? That mad man took that and ran with it. He explains his absence in the story by having his character literally being asleep through it, creating mystery where there used to just be an absence. He’s able to goof off with his friends and have borderline nonsensical streams, then at the end sucker punch the audience emotionally by “waking up” and have the viewers question just what was real and what wasn’t?

The smp has the freedom for people who want more independent lore to be able to explore their character’s that way as well!

Hbomb, Connereatspants, and Purpled don’t have a lot of lore on the smp, generally only coming on to have fun with everyone, but when they do have their moments it unfolds in very interesting ways!

Sapnap, Eret, and Schlatt maybe aren’t as active as some other people, but when they are on they actively participate in lore and have lasting impacts on the story (Ex: Eret’s betrayal, Sapnap’s visit to dream in the prison, Schlatt becoming president).

Philza mostly does his own thing, improving the server or making some bomb ass builds. He has incredibly devastating roles in lore (killing wilbur, blowing up L’manberg for the final time, starting the syndicate with Techno), but he also has quieter moments that speak to the depth his character has, such as fishing with fundy or reminiscing about his dead son and how it went so wrong. Like Techno, he doesn’t like to take lore completely seriously, often laughing no matter what’s happening or teasing chat after something big goes down, but his character is solid with a lot of potential for future lore.

Foolish has only started on his character and its already super interesting. The hints at his dark past as a “god of death” and his current conflict with the egg are intriguing as fuck. Not to mention the MASSIVE builds he does for everyone, helping to progress their lore as well.

Fundy has a lot of freedom with his character to participate however much he wants in lore. While generally he’s a trickster who loves to prank people he has enough tragedy build into his backstory he’s able to break the viewer’s heart with a flip of a switch. Not to mention his recent, almost surreal, stream that explored his character’s disturbing dreams that may or may not predict the future.

Niki is very character driven, exploring her character's grief of losing her best friend and her anger of being ignored in the very country she helped create. She has incredibly emotional moments, and even though she’s on her own building an underground city she still participates in other lore via teaming with jack manifold or the syndicate.

Jack Manifold’s lore is VERY character focused, and while he’s described his story as a “B plot that occasionally intersects with the main plot”, the story he tells is still fascinating. Being pushed aside not taken seriously his whole life, his character develops into a fun cartoony-esque villain who begs to be taken seriously, that has the depth of a truly conflicted person who is torn between wanting revenge on everyone who’s done him wrong and just wanting a friend.

Last but not least, the man himself, Dream. The most fascinating thing about his lore is that absolutely none of it is from his pov. All we know about his character is only from what we see from everyone else’s povs, and in his case it leads to a very intimidating villain! Not to mention, mans owns the damn server and yet has made himself the main antagonist! He is the only character I consider a “true villain” on the smp. His voice acting and writing is downright sinister. I could write a fucking essay on how his character’s obsession with power has led him to the point he thinks himself an unstoppable god

Everyone on this server is stunning and I love all of them!!!!!

#ramble #it is very very late #i simply wanted to gush about this block roleplay #I just think its super interesting to analyze how people do lore #and how that fits in with their personalities #there is no right or wrong way to do lore #and i just kinda love that #ranboo's lore deffo stems from the fact he played dnd #like 100% #im so sorry if i left anything out or forgot anything #its like 2 am #also i only started watching the smp around techno's execution #so i dont have a deep knowledge on some people #ahaha #dream smp #dream smp analysis #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #tubbo #ranboo #technoblade #karl jacobs #quackity #badboyhalo #antfrost #ponk #skeppy #captain puffy #punz #awesamdude

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Not Our Little Secret Anymore

Gif credits @jesseswartzwelder. @samantha-chicago

Requested on here and wattpad

Hope you all enjoy it.

Part 2 too Our Little Secret

Taglist @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder

"Gabby's going to tell everyone, you know she cant keep a secret to save her life". You chewed on your nails, still looking at the wedding pictures.

"What do you think we should do"? Jay asked coming to sit beside you on the couch. He knew you were nervous.

"I say, we just tell everyone before she does. Dont let her make a big deal out of it. Because it's not. We should be able to be together without having someone hate on our relationship".

"I agree. I'm tired of hiding who I love". Jay took your hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

Jay and you stared at Kelly who was in the kitchen munching on a carrot like a little rabbit.

"Are you okay with this"? Jay asked with a laugh.

"I'm with you guys. We should tell everyone. Antonio is first cause since he is your brother and Gabby will get to him first. If she hasn't already". Kelly replied.

"I'll give him a call and see if he can come over tonight".

"We should tell Voight as well, just so it wont cause a scene". Jay added.

"See if he can come too. We'll just make a big announcement and tell them. God, I'm nervous". You bit your lip as Jay and you got out your cellphones.

"I'll just finish dinner. Everyone will be cool with us at the station". Kelly went back to cooking, like nothing serious is going on. Your lives are all about to be out in the open and it kinda scared you a bit.

"You're fucking kidding me right now? You, Jay and Kelly are married to each other"? Antonio paced the room. You had just told him and his shit has it the fan.

"Jay and Kelly are married to me. Not to each other. They just live together". You tried to explain.

"But you all are still fucking each other"?

"Wow, why is my brother so stupid"? You rolled your eyes with a annoying huff.

"No. Kelly and Jay are straight they dont have a relationship. I'm the only one that has sex with them.  One at a time. No threesomes. So get that and the image of Jay and Kelly having sex out of your perverted little mind". You exclaimed.

"Oh alright. So no big deal. My sisters just married to two guys. That's normal". Antonio sarcastically chuckled.

"Its normal for us. If you dont like it then leave. I already told Gabby that if she cant except it and stay out of our relationship then she isn't welcomed here anymore. Do you want that to happen to you as well"?

"No. I'm still processing it, okay"? Antonio rubbed his head.

"I know. It's a lot to process at once. Let's go see if Jay and Voight are having better luck than us". You wrapped your arm around Antonio's shoulder, leading him back into the leaving room where Jay and Voight was talking.

"I dont care what you three have going on just as long as it doesnt interfere with your job and my unit. Then we have no problem. But if I see anything that will cause a problem then we'll be having a talk about reassigning you some where else. Either one of you". Voight glared at Jay, Antonio and you.

"Yes, sir". Jay said.

"Fine, I'm going home. See you three at work tomorrow". Voight grumbled as he went past you and opened the door. Slamming it   

"That went better than expected". Jay chuckled.

"Yeah. Antonio here cant seem to wrap his brain around the idea that you and Kelly have no intimate relationship".

"In most threesomes, they all have sex together. Even the guys". Antonio told you and Jay. You giggled.

"You sure know alot about threesomes, Antonio. Are you hinting at something"? You smirked. Jay snickered beside you.

"No. I'm just saying". Antonio tried to play it off as nothing.

"If you say so. But all the joking aside, you alright with this"?

"I'm cool. Itll take some time to getting use to the idea of the three of you together but I have no problem with it". You sigh a sigh of relief and hugged Antonio.

"Thanks. You dont know what this means to me. I just wish Gabby was just as understanding as you".

"She'll come around. Just give her time. Listen I gotta go, kids are coming over".

"Okay. Give them love from us".

"Now that's going to be a therapy session. My aunt has two husbands. Good grief". Antonio laughed as he grabbed his jacket. You tried not to giggle as you shook your head.

"Bye now".

You plumped on the couch with a huff beside Jay. "Hope the others are like this". You tell Jay.

"They probably will be".

"Where's Kelly"? You both looked for him. Totally forgot about him in your relationship explaining.

"I'm here. Just got off the phone with Casey and the others. My friends are cool with us and they want to know when they can come over and have a party. Get together type thing, I guess to see us in our natural habitat". Kelly laughed as he came in and sat beside you.

"Lucky you. Antonio was just weird but at least he didnt judge us". You say leaning your head on Kelly's shoulder.

"Adam is definitely going to make jokes about this. I can hear him now. He wont shut up, even in my brain he wont". Jay groaned laying his head on your shoulder. Kelly and you giggled.

"I say we go to bed and forget this happened then tomorrow we just run away and join the circus"? Jay suggested.

"How about no. We should go to bed and have one of those threesomes, Antonio was nagging on about"? You waited for their response.

"How do you do it"? Jay wondered.

"You've never had a threesome"? Kelly questioned.

"No. Have you"? You backed off Kelly's shoulder surprised.

"Well, not with another guy. But with two girls". He blushed as you tilted your head. 

"When was this"?

"Way before you and I got together. Dont worry". Kelly reassured you.

"Well then. We should do it and see what all the hoopla is about". You smacked their knees and pushed yourself up.

"You guys coming"? You held out your hands for them.

The reached and grabbed your hands bringing them up to you. Jay lead you three into the bedroom. This shall be a fun experience, you thought.

Kelly slammed the door with his foot. Jay pulled you in front of the bed so he and Kelly could get a better view of you.

Jay on one side and Kelly on the other. They began kissing your neck. Moving your hair for a better angle. You licked your lips. This was getting you so excited. Your hand went to their face cupping their cheeks. Then slid down their torsos and gradually slipped down their pants. Pawing at their cocks. Kelly nipped at your ear. Jay snaked his hand under your shirt to play with one of your hard nipples. Pinching it between his fingers, making you squirm.

They stood in front of you, and smirked at each other before pushing you back onto the bed. You knew it was going to be one hell of a ride but that's what excited you the most. Doing it with two men that you loved dearly and trusted the most.

#chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #chicago fire imagine #jay halstead smut #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead imagines #jay halstead #jay halstead fanfiction #kelly severide x jay halstead x reader #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide imagines #kelly severide fanfiction #kelly severide x jay Halstead x reader smut #happys-crazy-queen22

[mech-mantis]

OK so this is a aimless ramble and I'm typing this on my phone I'll fix the spelling another time maybe some time later

Why I dislike how the Fandom treats starscream

Don't get me wrong I dont hate the screamer but I don't necessarily love him either so pls don't twist my words

1. People act like he deserves what he got

Believe me I do think that his punishments were half deserved in the concept of how the decepticons treat each other but in a normal society it's who g and punishable by jail and yes I love megatron as much as the next person on tumblr but I don't root and say kill that Fucker whenever starscream gets beat up and it seems as the Fandom treats it as theres nothing wrong with it, now on the opposite side of the spectrum

2. starscream is a absolute bean who did nothing wrong

i swear to primus thos people make me want to pull out my own optics hes a decepticon a villain a big bad he did shitty things and will continue to do it even if he has the option not to hes a evil dude and yes some of the things that were done to him he didnt deserve but that dosnt mean hes a good guy like how would you feel if i said megatron who killed thousands of innocent lives was the victim-wait people already do that-so anyways to put him in a light in which he is absolutely perfect and deserves no backlash is something i dislike

3. hes a sexy motherfucker which everyone want to sleep with

one no in no part in any of the shows has he demonstrated he wanted a intimate relationship with another bot (correct me if im wrong tho) and he dosnt seem open for that kind of thing usually spending to much time scheming and trying to get himself on a higher pedastool and in half the starscream fics i read hes getting raild 90 percent of the time bonus points if its by someone who hates him and i think that seems out of character

4. all the fucking aus

trust me iv made as many aus as the rest of yall but half the aus are the starscream did nothing wrong or be sympathetic for this poor man and even the hes al powerful or cool so fuck you aus it rubs me the wrong way that i see not as many aus the shows who starscream is as a character and alters him so many times you cant even tell its the same guy

5. black and white perspective

the bullet point kinda explains it but people make it seem that if i like megatron i must hate starscream and this is why hes bad and stuf ecc ecc ecc and if i like starscream that must mean i want to kill megatron whent thats just not true people act like i cant enjoy 2 characters who dislike eachother and its a problem in this fandom not just with starscream i just notice it alot more with him

in conclusion

starscream is a character i have a love hate relationship with and i dislike it when people make him the satan incarnate or jesus himself and it jus ignores who starscream is as a character hes a tragic bot who is his own worst enemy and take risks just to rise to the top that may have horrible consequences thats what makes me injoy the character and how much room he has to grow and the chance of a character arc without altering his whole personality or shipping him in toxic relationships thats all for my rant i may or may not edit this but tell me what you think of ya want

#transformers #starscream #rant post #fandom talk #fandom rant

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Darkling Character Analysis

Full disclaimer, I’ve not read the books, though I have ordered the first so I am hoping to have read that soon. But just so you are aware this character analysis is based entirely on the show version of the character. Obviously there will be spoilers for all of season one. Also I just want to say that my aim with this analysis was to sort of get into The character’s head and so alot of this is just what I think the character might have been thinking, feeling and what his motivations may be, it does not mean I agree or disagree with his actions. When I am giving my view on his actions I will try to make it as clear as possible. Also this is just my interpretation of the character and my own opinions on the character, it is ok if you disagree. So obviously this is an analysis of the character The Darkling but I am also going to be talking about his relationship with Alina so I guess its also a sort of analysis of their relationship too just solely from Aleksander’s side of it. I will be using all of the names he has interchangeably because he has so many that I don’t know which one to stick with (seriously haven’t seen a character with this many different names since Jace from Shadowhunters) so sorry if that’s annoying. Fair warning this one is probably the longest analysis I have ever written and they are usually pretty long so I would suggest if you are going to read this maybe get some beverages and snacks first. I mean I think it shows how compelling and interesting a character he is that I was able to waffle on as long as have about him. But yeah its long. Of course you can also always scroll on past. But if you would like to read it then the rest is under the tag. 

Ok so first off I think the show does a really good job of building up the character in the first episode by giving us some information on The Black General before we and Alina officially meet him, they really give the character this air of mystery by giving us only a small amount of information about him but also by not letting us see his face. We get small tantalising glimpses of him, a shot of his boots in the mud, his carriage passing by, the back of him with his cloak billowing in the wind as the skiff enters the fold. It’s just enough to peak the audience’s interest. But most of what we learn in episode one is from what other character’s tell us. The very first mention we get of The General is from Mal and it’s a very small detail but I actually think it can tell you alot about The Darkling’s character. When Mal and Alina come across the Grisha practising Mal says ‘They’re always picking on us when their General’s not around.’ This seems like such a throwaway comment designed to show us how the First Army feel about Grisha and paints this picture of the Grisha thinking they are higher and mightier than those who are not Grisha. But it actually suggests that if they only do it when The General is not around then he does not tolerate Grisha bullying First Army. That he doesn’t think its ok for them to act like they are higher and mightier than those who are not Grisha and that he believes in humility even. Which I think is really interesting. This tracks with Nadia’s comment later in episode three when she says that General Kirigan insists that the Grisha eat peasant fare to keep them humble. Yet while he encourages humility he also makes sure that the Grisha have everything they need in order to flourish and he obviously cares a great deal about the Grisha, I feel like rising the Grisha up and making them strong has been pretty much his only drive and motivation over the hundreds of years since the fold was created. 

The other thing we learn which is repeated a couple of times by a few of the characters is that The General cannot bring down the Shadow Fold. In fact I think there are two conversations about it. The first between Inej, Jesper and Kaz when Jesper asks why the General hasn’t taken it down to which Inej replies ‘Have you ever put out fire by adding more fire?’ The other conversation is more flippant and is between Dubrov and Mikhael, where Mikhael sarcastically says the General is there to save the day and Dubrov asks if he’s going to tear down the fold. So on two occasions we have characters believing the General is powerful enough to fix the problem of the fold only for them to be corrected and told that he can’t. It seems like the show wants to make it very clear that the General will not be destroying the fold and I could be reaching here but this could be foreshadowing for later when we learn he doesn’t desire to bring down the fold.       

Of course even after the first episode the character of the Darkling still remains a bit of a mystery. He’s the kind of character where the more you learn about him the more questions you have. This tactic of giving us small pieces of information about him, just enough to keep you interested continues throughout the season and of course you have the twist in episode 5 where its revealed that he’s the ‘villain’. And yes I did put villain in quotation marks because I personally feel like its too simplistic a term to use for the character. I do feel like he’s more than just a two dimensional villain and there is alot of complexity to the character and his actions just for him to be considered the ‘bad guy’. 

So lets have a look at some of those actions and think about what might have been his motivations and what he might have been thinking and feeling. I want to start with one of the more controversial of his actions and as a warning this is a sensitive topic. One of the earlier things we find out about is that General Kirigan gifted Genya to the Queen. I’ll be honest when I first watched this scene I was so caught up in the new character and what was going on in the scene that I didn’t think much about Genya’s comment about being a gift to the Queen but when I thought more on it later I realised that it was a rather dark idea, that you could gift a person to another person. It becomes especially darker later when you find out what Genya suffered at the King’s hands. I kept wondering a few things, one being why the General would gift a child to the Queen in the first place, two whether he knew what the King was when he put Genya under the royal family’s care and three if he didn’t why he didn’t remove Genya when he discovered what was happening with the King. I do feel that we didn’t get enough information in the show (I don’t know if there’s more information in the books) to really answer these questions but I’ll give it my best shot. Firstly why would the General gift a child to the Queen? Well I actually think this one is easy to answer, he needed a spy within the Royal Family. We know that Aleksander has suffered and been betrayed by a king in the past. He won the Old King a war and in turn that King turned on not just Aleksander but on his people too. I feel like Aleksander was blindsided when this happened and he just didn’t see it coming and because of that his people were slaughtered. It would make sense then that the General would want to keep an eye on the royals and get a warning if they were planning on turning on Grisha again. I also think this is why they refer to Genya as a ‘gift’. That was just the wording the General used to manipulate the royals. Here’s a gift that I am granting you out of respect and to honour and please you, is going to go over a lot better than hey here’s a spy I want in your household. Genya is essentially the General’s trojan horse. As for it being Genya as oppose to someone else, like a trained adult Grisha, well I think that’s because it would be easier to get the royals to take a child into their household than an adult, even as a gift. They will be alot less suspicious of a child than they would an adult. Also they might bond with a child and therefore treat them as more of a confidante as time goes on. As well as that Genya had a very specific set of Grisha abilities that made her perfect for a vain Queen. I may be wrong on this one but thinking back to my history education I think I remember being taught it was fairly common during the time period if a young lady was discovered to have a particularly special talent, like say singing for example, they may be given as a gift to the Queen as this may gain favour for the maiden’s family if she is made a lady in waiting. So if I am right about that then whilst it might seem strange to us it may have been a fairly normal practise to the characters. I mean Alina didn’t seem shocked when Genya said she was a gift to the queen it was learning about the King that upset her. 

Also I do wonder if some of the reason why he placed her with the royal family was because he believed she wouldn’t fit in with the other Grisha, she does say that she is almost as rare as Alina. I don’t know for sure but maybe the General suspected she would struggle with being different from the other Grisha and so decided the best way to help her grow and flourish was by giving a special mission of her own. 

Ok so what about question 2? Did he know what kind of person the King was when he placed Genya under his care. In my opinion I don’t think he did. I am basing this on how he always seems to want to make Grisha safe and wants them to flourish and also due to his actions with Alina when things between them became more intimate, we know that consent is something Aleksander cares about. So to me it would be out of character for him considering how much he cares about the Grisha and consent for him to knowingly put Genya under the King’s care whilst having the knowledge of what would happen to her. I feel like he would also consider it as a disrespect towards Grisha from the King for him to harm a Grisha woman like that especially as she was ‘gifted’ to them. Also when Alina herself asks a similar question in episode 7 when she says ‘did you think Genya was safe when you placed her under the King’s watch?’ To me I think the Darkling looked somewhat upset that she would think that he would knowingly put Genya in that situation. However I do think that by the time Alina was discovered and brought to the Little Palace he was aware of what was going on with Genya and the King as he makes that comment about Alina remaining at the Little Palace with him to train undisturbed. The way he said undisturbed made me think he thought the King might decide he wanted Alina and the General was warning the King away, making it clear that if he wanted the fold destroyed he would have to leave Alina alone. His actions here in protecting Alina also make me think that he didn’t know at the time of placing Genya with the Royal family what would happen to her. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake with Alina that he made with Genya. 

As for number 3, why didn’t he remove Genya from the King’s care once he did find out about what the King was doing? I saw a few comments about this. All of them saying the same that because he didn’t get Genya out he was as bad as the King and was complicit in what happened to Genya. But I actually think it’s more complicated than that. For one thing technically he did remove Genya from the King’s care when he had her poison the king and then made her Corporalnik. Though obviously he didn’t do it immediately. We’ve got no timescale as to when he find out so who knows how long they were planning this. But also there was one line in episode 3 that I think answers this question best, when the General says ‘I may lead the Second Army, but the King is still the King.’ Whilst the General is powerful he still only has so much power over the King. He needed the King’s permission just  to have Alina at the Little Palace and for her to train, which is what the demonstration Alina had to go through in episode 3 was all about. I don’t think the General had the power to just walk into the Grande Palace and take back Genya. The only way he was getting Genya out of there was by killing the King. Also correct me if I am wrong but I feel like what the King was doing to Genya was a large part of the General’s motivation for poisoning the King. I mean we weren’t given much information about the King other than what he was doing to Genya, which made me think that’s why he was poisoned as we weren’t told about any other bad things the King had done that might lead to the General deciding to poison him. I think once he found out what the King was doing to Genya he allowed her to be the one to carry out the poisoning knowing that she would want revenge rather than trying to remove her right away and potentially causing tension with the royal family and also making it harder if not impossible for Genya to be the one to exact her revenge on the King. I guess what I am saying is its possible that Genya was the one who wanted to stay because she wanted to be the one to kill the King. I mean that’s the impression I got from her conversation with Alina where she says ‘I waited for years for my chance at revenge.’ For all we know General Kirigan might have offered to remove her from the Royal household and she might have told him she wanted to be the one to help him take down the King. Whatever his motivations were and however much he may or may not have known I think we can all agree that him ‘gifting’ Genya to the Queen was a mistake. I personally feel like it was more of a similar mistake to when Alina burned the maps. She had good intentions, she did it to protect someone she cared about, but in the end she caused others harm. With Alina she wanted to protect Mal and her whole unit was killed. With Kirigan I think he hoped a spy in the Royal household would protect the Grisha but in the end Genya was harmed by the King. One question I do have is whether Kirigan feels any guilt over what happened to Genya, whether he regrets his decision. I mean we did see him protect Alina from the King when he insisted she remain at the Little Palace. But was that just because it was Alina, the Sun Summoner? What if it were someone else. For example say the King came to the General and said he had taken a fancy to Marie, or Nadia or Zoya, and asked for them to be sent to the Grande Palace, would the General have agreed or would he have made some excuse as to why they couldn’t go, maybe even sent them on an assignment to protect them? There’s no way we can really know the answers to these questions as we just don’t know enough about the situation. All we know is that the General ultimately decided to get rid of the King but even then we don’t know for certain what his motivations for that were.   

I suppose you could say that him plotting against the king and conspiring with the apparat to usurp the throne was also a ‘bad guy’ move. But to be honest after telling us everything that the King did and just generally presenting the royal family in a negative light, I was surprised that Alina had such a problem with what the General did. To me it didn’t make sense for her to be upset and using that against him. I mean after learning what he did to Genya I was fully on the Darkling’s side when it came to killing the King. If they were trying to present this as a ‘villain’ move on the Darkling’s part then they did a poor job of it because I completely understood where he was coming from with that one. 

I felt a similar way with his other big ‘villain’ move when he expanded The Fold into Novokribirsk. At first I found it hard to have sympathy for them considering literally a couple of minutes before we were being shown that the soldiers were planning on murdering everyone on the skiff as soon as it docked. Couple that with the fact that Zlatan had arranged to assassinate Alina and once again I found myself on the Darkling’s side, I mean screw Zlatan and his soldiers. It was another case of it wasn’t until I rewatched it that I realised the villainous part of what the Darkling did was that there were civilians in the city that were also killed. To be honest I do wish that the show had done a better job of showing those civilians to really get across the horror of what the Darkling did. I mean on a rewatch I could see a few civilians mixed in with the soldiers but they were blended in so were hard to spot. I guess that was the purpose of Zoya having family in the city, to tell the viewer that there were innocents there but I just don’t think it made enough of an impact. I feel like if they had focussed in on actual civilians running and being swallowed by the darkness as well as the West Ravkan soldiers it would have had a bigger and more horrific impact. Instead it just kind of came across as the bad guys who had been built up as being bad throughout the season, who were rebels and who had tried to kill the main character, were finally eliminated. Lets be real if Alina had been the one to take out those soldiers we would all have been cheering. Lets talk about Game of Thrones for a moment as an example (spoiler alert for GOT here) however you felt about the way Dany’s descent into madness was written one thing the writers did right in The Bells episode was focus on the civilians that Dany was killing on the ground. They cut away from Dany completely and stayed on the ground with her victims and so you get that impact of what she has done, you see the horror in what she has done and I think this is something that would have worked well with Shadow and Bone. If they had just cut away from the skiff for a scene showing the civilians, the victims that were being effected by what the Darkling was doing then I think I would have been more shocked and effected by his actions. 

Ok so lets focus back in on the character and talk about what his motivations might have been for Novokribirsk. Why did he expand the Fold and take out the city? Well again I don’t think its hard to answer that question. We have to remember that he is a General that is fighting a war on three fronts. He’s fighting the Fjerdans on one side, the Shu Han on another and then the cherry on top is that the West Ravkans are rising up in rebellion. It’s already hard enough having to fight two enemy countries without also having to split your forces again to deal with a rebellion. The General knows that they are already overstretched without having to split their force again to deal with Zlatan. So if you look at it from his point of view striking down Zlatan now before the rebellion gets too large is a tactical military move. Also the fact that it is such a violent move will act as a deterrent for any remaining rebels who might think of trying to restart Zlatan’s movement. As well as to Fjerda and Shu Han, a this is what we do to our own people when they act against us so think about what we might do to you if you cross us, kind of deal. As for the innocent civilians that were in the city well I think the Darkling would convince himself that it was a numbers game. He might have killed hundreds of civilians but as far as he sees it he has spared thousands of lives that would have been lost if they had gone to war with West Ravka. By now the General knows the cost of war, so to him sacrificing a few hundred civilians is worth the price of saving thousands of his soldiers. Of course there is another motivation for the General, one that is less military strategy and more personal and emotionally driven. As Kaz says he was a man fuelled by vengeance. These soldiers standing on the dock had turned their back on Grisha and even worse than that they had tried to kill Alina. In the scene where The Darkling is talking to the Conductor and the Conductor admits to agreeing to assassinate Alina for a million kruge you can see how angry this makes The Darkling. This idea that someone would harm Alina for something as material as money is unforgivable to him. I said in a previous post that I wondered if the General always planned to expand the fold into Novokribirsk and I actually think the answer to that is no he didn’t. I actually think he was trying to make up his mind about what to do about Zlatan and his rebels, its possible he had a number of strategies to go with and was trying to decide which to choose, with expanding the fold being the most extreme of them. I actually think this here is the moment he decides to go with that plan. As he walks away from the Conductor and the Conductor asks ‘tell me how I can help’ The Darkling replies ‘you already have.’ I actually think what he meant here was you’ve helped me make up my mind. Them daring to harm Alina was the linchpin.         

Which brings me to the next part of this analysis, The Darkling’s manipulation and relationship with Alina. One of the great things the show did with the Darkling’s character was making him so complex and nuanced that the audience is in very much the same position as Alina when that reveal is made about Aleksander being the Black Heretic. Just like Alina (if you haven’t read the books) you are left sort of blindsided. Also just like Alina the audience is left wondering how much of it was a manipulation. Was all of it part of his manipulation? Or were there some moments that were real? Did he care at all about Alina or was he just interested in her power? 

Well I will say this, while I do think he always planned to manipulate her, I don’t think he ever planned or tried to use seduction as part of that manipulation. I think we have to remember that he was waiting for the Sun Summoner for hundreds of years and I think he spent that time creating his plan for her and her power. We also have to remember that when he was creating this plan he was expecting to find a child. I think his plan was to earn her trust as a mentor and build a confidence between them. I think he planned to bring her up with his ideals, to bring her up believing the best thing was to use the fold as a weapon, to bring her up to always want to protect the Grisha and to bring her up to embrace her power. However this whole plan had a wrench thrown in it when he does finally find Alina and she’s not a child, she’s a grown woman and one that has been taught her whole life that the Sun Summoner’s purpose is to tear down the fold. Changing the ideals and beliefs of an adult is alot harder to do than a child. On top of that I think he does develop real feelings for her. But these feelings get in the way of his plans, which makes everything all the more complicated for him.        

Lets go to the moment they first meet. I do think right from the get go he is intrigued by her and mean I think when you watch the scene you are so focused on Alina and what she must be going through and feeling, how scared she must be being dragged in front of this powerful General that she’s only ever heard stories about, that we don’t think about what this moment meant to the General. I mean he has been waiting for this woman for so long. She could be the solution to all of his problems, a fix for all of his mistakes. She has been his one glimmer of hope in the vast darkness of eternity. And now she’s here in front of him. Jessie said in an interview that Alina felt a connection to Aleksander right from the beginning, but I think he felt a connection to her too. I think you can even see the moment they make that connection and it’s when he takes her wrist in the tent.

Once he takes her wrist they never break eye contact even as he draws her sleeve up higher, their eyes are glued to each other. Then they both pause for a few beats and again just stare at each other.

The tension between them is so thick it almost makes you want to yell get a room at the screen. It’s like they both suddenly felt something click between them, a oh I know you, kind of moment. But I also feel like Aleksander is a bit surprised by this feeling, he wasn’t expecting it. They don’t break eye contact until The General cuts her arm releasing her power and causing her to look down in surprise. But almost immediately Alina brings her eyes back to his. One kind of cool little detail I did notice is that you can see the reflection of the beam of light in both their eyes.

It’s like a thread connecting them both, I don’t know why but it sort of reminds me of that red thread of fate legend. But also with them both having dark eyes the beam of light reflected in them sort of reminds me of yin and yang. The other thing of note is the General’s facial expression when he sees her power. Whilst everyone else is looking on is awe and surprise, he looks almost content, definitely happy and maybe even a bit hopeful. To me he kind of looks like he’s just had all his prayers answered. 

I think Kirigan is further intrigued by Alina in episode two when she talks back to him with that rant about maybe he hasn’t found anyone with her power because they didn’t want to be found. I think its the first time in a long while that anyone has stood up to him and not just said yes sir. I actually found it really comical how surprised he was when she said no to him. You just know he hasn’t heard that word much in recent lifetimes. But I do think this plants those first seeds of him seeing her as an equal to him. I think this is where he starts to see her as not someone to bow at his feet but someone who belongs at his side. Then when she confesses that she hid from the testers because she didn’t want to feel even more alone I think he really saw something of himself in her. I mean you can see his facial expression shift. I think this furthers his idea that she is meant to be at his side, that she is the same as him and I think even at this early stage he begins to hope that maybe she is someone who will understand him as no one else ever has. In that moment he is determined to make sure she doesn’t ever feel alone again and that is why he tells her ‘you are Grisha, you are not alone.’ You can see from the passion in his voice when he says it that this is something very personal to him. 

However despite this connection he feels to her and the care I think he has for her too, he does manipulate her. I think one of the more obvious manipulations happens in episode 4 when he takes her to the fountain. Something that is worth noting is that before setting out on their ride Aleksander takes off his Kefta. Their Keftas in the show are presented as their armour, so I think it was a very deliberate move on his part to sort of send the message to her, look I’m taking my armour off for you and I am being vulnerable and open to you. He furthers this by giving her his name to create this familiarity between them. Then he takes her to a place that is personal to him and then he really gets into his manipulation game. Here’s the thing though, I feel like most of the time when we think of manipulation we think of lies. But sometimes the best way to manipulate a person is through twisting the truth and I think this is what he does here. From their conversations so far I think he has figured out that Alina feels like an outsider and that she fears being alone and not fitting in. I definitely think he uses this information to manipulate her by telling her the story about how he used to go to the fountain as a boy after he discovered he was descended from the most hated Grisha in Ravka and wished to be anybody else. He knows that Alina will respond to this story, that it will make her feel sympathy for him and also make her feel like he is someone who understands her and therefore someone she can trust and rely on. He is also most definitely being deceitful in that he knows she thinks he is talking about being related to the Black Heretic when in fact he is the Black Heretic. However that doesn’t mean that what he said was untrue. I really do think he used to go there as a boy and wish to be someone else. As for being the descendant of the most hated Grisha in Ravka well my theory there is that he could actually be talking about Morozova. In the flashback in episode 7 Aleksander says that he and Baghra are his descendants and that means that if he created the amplifiers than Aleksander could create an army. Baghra gives the warning that Aleksander will die like Morozova. This makes me think that Morozova died in quite an unpleasant way, maybe even killed because he was feared and hated. I mean sure the Black Heretic is the most hated Grisha in all of Ravka now, but whose to say there wasn’t someone who came before him? Another Grisha who was hated like the Black Heretic is now. And maybe when Aleksander was a boy he discovered he was the descendant of Morozova and that was a burden on him, so much so that he wished he was someone else. 

I also think he was being genuine when he talked about how he is never seen as the solution only a reminder of the problem. I mean we’ve seen this ourselves in episode one its one of the first things we learn about him, that he can’t bring down the fold. I also think he’s being truthful when he says they always need someone to blame but again he’s twisting this truth. Alina thinks he means he is being unjustly blamed for not being able to fix the Fold but I think he actually is talking about how the Old King turned on him. I’m also sure over the years many people have blamed him and the Grisha for all the ills the world has suffered. But I do think he really meant it when he told her that he wouldn’t let the world make her the new Heretic. I think making sure that doesn’t happen is something he cares deeply about and I think it shows that he does have some care for her that he is so determined that she doesn’t go through what he did with the world turning on him. 

Slight diversion here but I do want to talk about whether or not this hatred the world has for him is justified, I mean he did create the fold and that fold has killed alot of people since its creation. So surely just the fact that he created the fold is enough to solidify him as the villain. Well I think that depends on why he created the fold. I mean we get three different versions of how and why the Fold was created. The first one we hear is in episode 4 when Alina tells us the story that is taught to children in school. They say that history is written by the victors, and whilst I personally don’t think there were any victors in the creation of the fold, The Black Heretic disappeared with its creation, presumed to be dead, so the Old King probably considered himself the victor and was left to decide the history. Therefore this story was most likely the Old King’s version of events. In this version of the story it talks about how the Darkling hungered for more power after being made the Kings military advisor and this made the king fear that the Darkling would try to overthrow him. So he put a bounty on his head and that of anyone who stood by him. Eventually the Heretic realised he was outnumbered and decided to create an army using forbidden science. But he failed, creating the fold and killing himself and countless others. The second version we get is from Baghra and it is similar to this one. She says that he created the Fold to use as a weapon, that he tried making an army with merzost and that he didn’t think about what that would do to the people who lived there, that it turned the men, women and children into the Volcra. That she had warned him there would be a price and that he didn’t listen. She also says that he took a noble’s name to hide after. Baghra’s version paints Aleksander as power hungry and as someone who will stop at nothing to get what he wants no matter the cost. But there are somethings I think its worth noting about her version. The first is that it is very brief, sort of like the cliff notes version, as they are in a hurry and she needs to get Alina out of there pronto. She doesn’t have time to go into all the details so she tells her enough to convince her to leave. Which brings me to my second point, Baghra’s motivation here is to get Alina to flee, so logically the best way to do that is to tell her the worst parts of the story and leave out anything that might make Alina feel sympathetic towards Aleksander and therefore hesitate about leaving. Another thing to remember is that Baghra whilst she might know somethings wasn’t there for a lot of it, she didn’t see Luda killed by the soldiers just knows that she was killed and she didn’t witness the confrontation between Aleksander and the soldiers. However what she did see likely had an effect on her. There is one moment in particular during Baghra’s story where she becomes emotional and choked up, there are tears in her eyes and you just know she is reliving a bad memory and that is when she talks about the women and children who were turned into the Volcra alongside the soldiers. Think for a moment about where Baghra was when the fold was created. She was inside the sanctuary with the women and children who were hiding from the soldiers. Which means that she would have witnessed them turning into the Volcra which must have been a horrifying scene. 

Eventually we get to episode 7 and we learn what really happened when the fold was created and the story is more tragic that first told. I mean first you have the whole situation with Luda. He obviously loved her deeply and I can only imagine how painful it must have been to see her murdered right in front of him and to feel that guilt of her dying because she was protecting him. I mean the words ‘just mortal’ now make me want to burst out crying anytime I hear them. Then he gets to the sanctuary and there’s all these Grisha there that need protecting. I think he feels a responsibility for them. Then his mother reminds him that they are not fighters, they make things. Which gives him the idea of creating an army using merzost. It is worth pointing out here that when telling the tale to Alina Baghra says that she warned Aleksander that there would be a price for using merzost, but when you actually see the conversation what she says is that whilst the small science feeds them merzost feeds on them. This suggests that the price to be paid is by him. So yes he was aware there would be a price but he assumed he would be the one paying it. I think if he knew that the people inside the sanctuary would be turned into Volcra he might not have gone through with it. This is another thing that makes the story even more tragic. Aleksander was driven to create his own army by his wish to protect his people, but he lost control and ended up destroying the very people he was trying so hard to protect. Another thing I noticed when Alina is telling the story of the heretic in episode four when she gets to the part about the Heretic being killed along with countless other you can hear what sound like screams in the background, also Aleksander looks really sad and guilty. It is also right after that he says he had devoted his life to undoing the great sin aka the creation of the fold. We see this look of guilt again when Alina confronts him in episode 7 about being the one to create the fold and therefore responsible for the deaths of her friends and parents. You see him look to the floor.

 I really do think that he has alot of guilt about the fold, he sees it as a mistake.  We see both Baghra and Alina make the claim, the fold was no mistake. But in episode 7 we learn that it was, Aleksander did not deliberately set out to create the fold. It wasn't his intention. It seems to me that he wanted to bend the will of the soldiers to his, to make them his own army, but I think he lost control due to the emotional state he was in at the time. I mean right before the soldiers were threatening to murder all the people inside, including his mother, and were mocking him about Luda’s death. He was grieving, he was angry and he was fearful for his people. We were told the fold was born out of greed but lets be real it was born out of grief and out of pain and anger and fear. 

So if he considers it such a big mistake why doesn’t he want to tear it down? Well I think its two fold. On one hand he might be afraid of what he’ll see. It’s like Kaz says to Zoya ‘it’s dangerous to go looking for the dead. What you see may haunt you for the rest of your days.’ Tearing down the fold will reveal all the destruction he caused to the land and to the people who lived there, he’d have to really confront what he did to his own people. But I think another motivator is what he said about undoing the great sin. I think he thinks if he makes the fold useful then at least it would have made the ‘deaths’ of his people mean something somehow. If creating the fold cost them their lives then maybe by making it a weapon that can be used to protect Grisha will make their ‘deaths’ a worthwhile sacrifice.

Ok so diversion over, lets go back to the Darklina relationship and how much of his actions were a manipulation. We’ve already established that he was being manipulative when taking her to the fountain and was telling her twisted truths. But if we stick with episode 4 there’s the scene where she comes to visit him at night in the war room. This whole scene I actually think he was being completely genuine. I don’t think any of it was part of his manipulation of her. First off is the way they are both dressed. They are both in their nightclothes which gives this idea of them being more intimate and more exposed to each other. I said above that the Kefta is seen as the Grisha’s armour, well here neither one of them are wearing their Kefta. They have both taken off their armour and are letting each other in. When Alina first finds him he is looking over the war map and you can see that he looks troubled, which you know fair enough considering he’s fighting a war on two fronts, having to deal with getting supplies through the fold and how to deal with the rebels. I love the way he looks at Alina when she comes in though, its just so soft and I feel like he feels instantly calmer when he sees her. But then he starts talking about how he’s been fighting the war alone and lost friends, about how their own people are turning on Grisha just as their kin once did and he is clearly thinking back to when the Old King was hunting him and his people. When the shadows start creeping in I think his pain is very real, I don’t think this was an act at all and once again if you listen closely you can hear those faint screams in the background. Then Alina dispels the shadows with her light and repeats his words back to him, ‘you are not alone.’ I think in this moment he truly does feel like he’s not alone. That he has found someone who understands him and who is his equal, who is like him. So he reaches out and cups her face and tells her he’s been waiting for her a long time. But then she pulls away and says she should go. I think Aleksander is afraid at this moment that he has frightened her away or that he misinterpreted the situation and he becomes very confused. So when she lingers at the door he goes to it and contemplates calling her back, just as she struggles with whether she should go back. But then she walks away and I think he thinks that maybe he was wrong and she doesn’t feel the same as him and he is a little angry with himself for losing focus and for feeling something for her and so he locks the door between them.  

Another question I asked myself was whether he always intended to put the stag collar on her and to control her powers. In my opinion this one has a bit of a yes and a no answer. I think he kept changing his mind. He clearly knew that by killing the Stag and putting the amplifier on her he would gain control of her powers. As I said early I think his first draft of the plan, shall we say, was to find the Sun Summoner as a child, to gain her trust as her mentor and teach her that the Fold is a weapon to be used as opposed to something that needs to be torn down. If he had found her as a child he would have had a lot more control over her and could shape her into what he wanted. However when they find the Sun Summoner she’s an adult and believes that its her fate to tear down the fold so he has to do a rework of his plan. On top of that he’s got this problem that she clearly doesn’t want to be the Sun Summoner she has no interest in saving anyone and she just wants to go back to being a mapmaker in the First Army. I think it is during that speech where she talks about him transferring her power to someone else that he starts to look into whether that is possible. But as he gets to know her more I think this changes again and he starts to feel things for her and I think he starts to believe that they want the same things and that maybe taking control of her powers won’t be necessary. I think the turning point for him is in episode 5. In the breakdown video of their first kiss Jessie says Alina goes to the General’s rooms because of what happened the night before in the war room where they had a moment in episode 4. Alina wasn’t sure what that moment meant and so she was seeking out Aleksander because she was intrigued and wanted to know if there was something there. Aleksander is once again clearly happy to see her but I do feel like there is some awkwardness there because of what happened in episode 4 and because he feels like he had misinterpreted things and maybe was too intense with her. It’s an interesting dynamic because as Jessie says in that video in this moment he is the vulnerable one. One moment in particular that I think shows this vulnerability is right after she helps him into his Kefta. Again going back to the whole the Kefta is armour thing. When Alina first enters the room like in episode 4 she is wearing her dressing gown she has come to him with her armour off so to speak. He is also out of his Kefta and this early conversation is playful where they are joking about Ivan and the Volcra. But after she puts the Kefta on him is when his mood shifts a little and you see him kind of tug the Kefta tighter around himself. I feel like he was trying to protect himself because the more time he spends with her the more vulnerable and confused he feels, he’s feeling alot of feelings he hasn’t felt in a long time and I think he knows by now that he is well on his way to falling in love with her and this scares him a bit because he has lost loves in the past. Him putting the Kefta back on is like him attempting to put that armour back on. There is another way of looking at it too though. It’s worth noting that on this occasion Alina is the one helping him put the armour/Kefta on, like she is the one giving him protection. Then he turns around Alina is alot closer then he anticipated and you can actually see him struggling to even form words. Then she leans in close to him like she's about to kiss him but changes her mind and walks into the other room leaving our poor guy more confused than ever. Then Alina makes the speech about how she finally feels like she is part of something bigger and that they can offer hope to the Grisha and to Ravkans. In this moment our girl was talking straight to our boy’s heart. I think this is all he has ever wanted to hear her say, especially the ‘we can offer hope.’ I think he really means it when he says it means a lot to him and you can hear the passion in his voice when he says ‘you mean a lot.’ Of course when she looks down he once again becomes afraid he’s overstepped, gone too far and so he tries to backtrack with ‘to everyone’. And well we all know what happens next. Alina kisses him and as he says after he is surprised and not many people do surprise him. I think there is something about this woman that just makes him lose all his senses until his whole world becomes about her. I feel like throughout episode 5 Aleksander feels like he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted. Because maybe she does feel the same way he does, maybe she wants the same things he does, maybe he has found his life partner, another immortal who will always be by his side, finally he’ll never have to feel alone again. I think the moment I decided this fool was definitely in love with Alina was the look on his face when she enters the room and he sees her in his colours for the first time. After watching her demonstration I think he does see her as his equal. He’s in complete awe of her and the only time he looks away is to look at the Monarchs to see their reaction. Basically from the moment Alina kisses him to this moment where he is seeing her take command of the room and truly showing her power, having people bow to her, Aleksander is living his best life, he’s on cloud nine. 

Then he gets word that someone has located the stag. We don’t see the scene where he gets informed of this but you can imagine he probably can’t believe his luck. Not only are things perfect between him and Alina but now someone has found the amplifier. But I feel like he gets a bit of a reality check when he discovers that Mal is the one who found the stag and he’s now here in the Little Palace. I feel like Aleksander sort of came crashing down to earth here and realised he might have a bit of a problem. Once again he’s having to do a quick, rapid, rework of his plan. Which brings us to another moment where the Darkling is being manipulative. He uses Mal to find out what Alina’s favourite flower is. I mean I suppose you could argue that he’s only doing what every other person does when they want to get a gift for their crush and don’t know what would be best, ask the best friend. But all jokes aside this move was clearly calculative on The Darkling’s part. But I couldn’t help but wonder why he decided to use the Irises. What was his motivation here. It’s clear that he has already won Alina over seeing as she was kissing him not to long ago. Well I said earlier that I think he changed his mind about using the collar on her. I do think after their conversation in episode 2 where she talks about how she didn’t want any of it and could he transfer it he thought she was going to be a problem and difficult so maybe he should look into finding a way of controlling her power. In the beginning she was focussed on her old life and I feel like she didn’t have much loyalty or care for the Grisha, it took her awhile to accept who she was and she was also struggling to use her powers. All she wanted was to go back to Mal and I think this may be why, or at least part of the reason why The General takes their letters. For one he didn’t want her to go back to him and so making her think that Mal didn’t care would encourage her stay put and discourage any ideas of leaving. I mean given her comment in episode 3 where Alina asks Genya if anyone had ever escaped the Little Palace, which the General overheard, its not that surprising that he would decide to confiscate any of her correspondence out of the Palace in case she was organising a breakout with Mal. Secondly as I said she was having trouble using her powers and I think after reading the letters maybe he figures out that its because of Mal that she is struggling, so he either stopped the letters because he wanted her to continue feeling abandoned by Mal and therefore he was hoping she would shift her dependence onto him or because he knew if she let go of Mal then she would be able to control her power more and more power for Alina means more power for him to control. This was all very manipulative on his part and obviously not the actions of someone who cares about Alina’s feelings but at this point she wasn’t Alina to him she was the Sun Summoner, a tool to be used and he was thinking as a General who had people and a whole country to protect and if that meant putting the collar on this stranger then so be it. I think he set out to win her trust to make it easier for him to put that collar on her when the time came. But then as he got to know her more, started catching feelings for her and after their conversation in episode 5, I think he decided that maybe he wouldn’t need to use the collar after all. My theory is that he got her the flowers and he took her to the war room instead of the dinner because he was planning to tell her some of the truth. I don’t think he was going to tell her about who he really was and about him being the Fold’s creator but I do think its possible that he intended to tell her about the Stag and maybe even try to convince her about using the Fold as a weapon. So I think he just wanted to put her in as good a mood as he could if that makes sense, sweeten her up before he brought it up. Also telling her about the Stag means telling her about Mal. I think he actually felt a little threatened by Mal because having read their letters he knows how she feels about Mal. So he wants her attention as much on him as possible. I think he very much felt like his dream was slipping away. As for the make out on the war table moment, that could have also been an attempt to keep her sweet on him like the irises. But as I’ve said before Aleksander seems to lose all his senses when he’s with Alina. When he’s with her the only thing he’s focused on is her, and I personally think it was just a case of he really wanted to kiss her. Some of it might also have been to reassure himself that those feelings between them were real, especially now that Mal has shown up. I mean they are both so giddy and happy when they break apart for him to answer the door that I find it difficult to believe that the whole kiss was a cold manipulation, he was grinning like a school boy. My favourite kiss between them (as steamy as their make out session was) was actually the one where he comes back to kiss her one last time. This is right after he has learnt that she was the target of an attack that happened inside of his Palace, which is the one place where his people are supposed to be safe. I think in that moment he just needed to reassure himself that she is safe, you can see his desperation in the kiss. There was just something so soft and pure about it. If I am sure about anything is that one was definitely real, I may have small doubts about the other kisses but that one kiss was 100% true.   

Things only get worse for Aleksander in episode 6 when he realises that Alina is missing. I think how he behaves in this episode tells us alot about how he really feels about Alina. He becomes somewhat unhinged when she goes missing and only becomes more so the longer she is gone from him. His sole focus is on her and finding her, to the point where he kind of forgets about anything else as we see when Fedyor comes to report about Nina, The General has completely forgotten there were other missions and things he was dealing with. Later when he calls Zoya to tell her to prepare a team to track down ‘Alina’s abductors’ and she puts forward the suggestion that Alina ran by herself, he doesn’t even consider it a possibility. The idea that she would willingly leave him is just too hard for him to wrap his head around because as he says to Zoya he is sure he knows exactly how she feels. He is usually the composed, unfazed General but he very much snaps at this moment and I think reveals more than he intended to Zoya, who clearly looks surprised by his outburst. He even says himself with Alina gone he’s not himself, he’s feeling unbalanced and tense without her. So when Zoya offers to help him relax he tells her that he’ll relax when he has Alina. I think its important as well that he says Alina and not the Sun Summoner. It’s not the Sun Summoner he’s lost without its Alina. When he finally catches up with Kaz and is told that Alina fled on her own you can see how shocked he is at this.

 And even then he has trouble believing it because he once again asks where she is and its not until the line ‘It was pretty clear she wasn’t interested in being a captive any more’ that it begins to set in for him and you see his shadows creep in. After you can see the heartbreak set in and then the anger.

 This anger only grows when he learns that she is with Mal and that she is going after the Stag. I think he very much feels like everything has been snatched away from him in a blink of an eye. I think he is angry that he was blindsided by it and he’s angry that he let his feelings for her cloud his judgement and distract him from his plans. Because of his feelings for her he might now have ruined all his plans and, as he would see it, risked the safety of the Grisha in doing so. Naturally its back to plan A of forcing the collar on her, because no matter how he feels about her he can’t let that distract him from his mission to protect the Grisha again. 

However no matter how angry he is at her and how hurt is is that she ran from him, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about her. I see alot of arguments that he can’t have loved Alina because you can’t hurt someone you love like he did when he put the collar on her. But I’m calling BS on that one now because the people you love are the people who can hurt you the most, especially when they are hurt or angry. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you it just means they are human and make mistakes. However that doesn’t mean you should tolerate those mistakes or brush them under the rug, absolutely they should be called out for them and held accountable for them and I am really glad that Alina does do this. The Darkling's anger at her is what drives him to find her and to kill the stag himself so he can collar her and I think this anger builds up whilst he is away from her, again showing how unhinged he has become without her. But I feel like some of that anger ebbs away a bit when he does find her and once she is in front of him again. That moment when he finds her and the stag and Mal is hurt and he calls out to her that she can’t save them, that as powerful as she is she does not have the power to heal. He is obviously thinking back to Luda here. Because as powerful as he was he was not powerful enough to save her, in that moment he was utterly powerless to keep her from dying. I think despite how hurt he is he cares about her too much to watch her go through the same pain and grief he did which is why he offers to heal Mal if she gives him the Stag. The similarities between the two scenes (the one with Alina, mal and the Stag and the one with Aleksander, Luda and the king’s men) are clear and I think really have an effect on Aleksander. I think when he says that Mal was only protecting Miss Starkov there are two interesting points. One is the use of the term Miss Starkov. This is a name he mostly called her when they barely knew each other and I think he is trying to distance himself from her again by making things more formal between them. The other thing is that it draws a parallel between both Mal and Luda. Both Mal and Luda were just trying to protect the people they love and Aleksander clearly doesn’t think either one of them deserved to die for it so he lets Mal live. 

Another scene I want to talk about real quick is the one right before he puts the collar on her. This scene is eerily similar to when they first meet. Once again they are back in a tent. Once again the scene starts with the Darkling’s back to her and with Alina in the hands of a guard/s. I said before that I think alot of the reason why he decides to collar her is because she doesn’t share his views and he feels like he needs to control her so he can weaponize the fold and save his people. That he was angry at himself for believing she might be his equal and share his goals. I think this scene where he talks to her shows that. The fact that he lowers himself to her level I think shows that he does see her as an equal. Then he talks about how together they could end all wars and protect their own and asks isn’t that what she wants. I think he is still clinging to that belief that he wasn’t wrong and that they did want the same things and maybe some part of him was still hoping he might not need to use the collar. But then she asks if they are going to tear down the fold and you can see the disappointment on his face because he understands now that she won’t see it his way. So instead he deflects the question and I think this is the moment that cements his choice to collar her.  

Further evidence that he does still care about Alina comes when he puts the collar on her. This is obviously a very distressing and gruesome scene. What he is doing is obviously wrong and I think deep down he knows it too. He can’t bear to look at her as it happens and so her turns away and its the second time he does as he also looks away in guilt when he threatens Mal. I don’t think he can handle her looking at him like he’s a monster and he can’t cope with seeing the betrayal and hurt in her eyes. It is also worth noting that I think part of the reason why he goes through with putting the amplifier on her is like he said to Mal, he thinks that over the years she will come to forgive him. Now this conversation where he talks about how she might take years to forgive him but he had patience also tells us that the fact that he is hoping for forgiveness shows that he knows what he is doing to her is wrong, that it is something that will require forgiveness. When he comes to see her later in her tent, can we just talk for a moment how nice that tent was, I mean he really went all out for her with lace and flowers like he somehow thought that would make up for him fusing a antler into her collar bone, but again even the fact that he gives her all these nice things shows that he wants that forgiveness and the way he approaches her as well is cautiously, like you would a wounded animal. He knows he’s hurt her and made her angry so he comes in with sweet words of compliments, telling her how special she is, and very quickly comes to know that she’s not having any of it. I mean that look she gives him when he first comes in, if looks could kill he’d be six feet under now. But I really do think he did go to her just because he wanted to talk to her, despite his words to Mal about having the patience to wait however many years it will take for her to forgive him, he wants to fix things between them now. He doesn’t want her to be angry with him and he doesn’t want her to be in pain. He’s desperate to get back what they had in episode 5. Also I think its important that we remember that until that conversation with her in the tent he didn’t know that she had discovered who he really was, so when she ran he believed that she had ran because she wanted to be with Mal which I think contributed to his anger at her and his feeling of betrayal. He couldn’t understand why she would want to be with someone who he believes never appreciated who she really was and who is mortal and will eventually just be a blip in her very long lifetime, instead of being with him who is her equal and immortal like her. This is another occasion where I feel like he gets a bit of a reality check and realises that she didn’t run because of Mal, she ran because of his own lies. So all that anger he felt at her ‘betrayal’ was unjust. But then I think he feels a different sense of betrayal in how easily she believed Baghra. I mean looking at it from his point of view she didn’t come to him and ask for his side of the story or demand an explanation she just trusted Baghra and ran. He is clearly desperate to make her understand and you can see his composure begin to fail as he stands and tells her that everything he is ever done has been to make Grisha and Ravka safer. I really do think that line was true, he really does believe that what he’s doing is the right thing for his people and his country. You can feel his frustration and desperation continuing to build throughout the scene as he pretty much pleads with her to understand and can see that she doesn’t. I think the part that really hurts him though is when she says ‘we could have had this, all of it. You could have made me your equal, instead you made me this.’ This line is so powerful and I think its at this moment that he realises just how badly he has messed up. To be told that his actions are the reason why he hasn’t got her, the one thing he wants more than anything else in the world right now. Also the line of making her his equal I think would have hit him hard because he did see her as his equal and so I think he’s surprised that she believes that he didn’t make her his equal and then when she says ‘instead you made me this’ he realises that whilst he might have seen her as his equal he wasn’t treating her as one. His need for control made her a slave to him and I really think that in this moment he is realising that, I genuinely think this dumbass got so caught up in his own dream of what the two of them together could be that he didn’t realise that whilst he thought he was protecting her and helping her grow into this saviour for their people he was taking away her choices and he was making her feel like a captive, the dummy didn’t think to ask how she felt about any of it because he assumed he already knew, it was the same as what he wanted, to protect their country and people. So his anger when he says the line ‘fine make me your villain’ isn’t just directed at her but himself too. It’s not just his hurt and anger that she doesn’t understand his reasons and that she isn’t seeing it his way, it’s also because he knows it was his own actions that lead him to that moment when the woman he loves is standing in front of him and looking at him like he is a monster. He can’t go back and he can’t undo it and worse than that he can’t seem to get her to understand why he did it. I think he feels trapped and so the only thing he can be to her now is her villain. 

It’s after this conversation that his demeanour towards her changes and you can see that he sort of stops trying to win her over. He’s not as gentle with her, I mean he ties her to the deck of the skiff and answers mockingly when she points out it’s not a good look for him with the ambassadors. I did notice though that after that conversation he seems to have trouble looking at her. When they are walking to the skiff and he tells her that Mal is being held captive and will be released if she does her part, he isn’t looking at her but straight ahead and this is something he does alot when he is threatening Mal. The moment when he takes off her cloak he does glance down at her. I seen alot of debate about that scene, as it does come across as having a bit of sexual tension in it and some people thought it was a rather sexy scene whereas others pointed out that he was holding her captive and mocking her. Me personally I actually think its both. People talk about how it has to be one or the other. But yes in that scene he is holding her captive and that part’s not sexy but there is a moment where I feel like he still feels that draw to her. Before reaching up to undo her cloak it seems to me like a hesitates for a moment. When he goes to whisper in her ear that he doubts they’ll notice her feet and I think he feels that pull and that attraction to her and he is really close to her, I don’t think he’s been that close to her since the war room in episode 5. You can see him lean slightly towards her and I think he really is struggling with the desire he feels for her which is why he steps back with the cloak rather forcefully, like he's having to force himself away from her again. It kind of reminded me of the scene where she helped him into his Kefta. So no the situation itself is not sexy but I do still think there is tension in the scene because the attraction they feel for each other didn’t just disappear despite how hurt and angry they are at each other. It’s like their words are saying one thing but their body language is saying another. 

When they are in the Fold again at first The Darkling avoids looking at her particularly when he is forcing her to use her power to create the tunnel of light. His focus is on The Fold. Again I think this shows that he is determined to not let his feelings for her get in the way for his goals, yet he knows he is taking away her free will and her choice and that’s hurting her so he can’t really stand to look at her. Its the same when she asks to tear down the fold and he answers why would they destroy the best weapon they have. Again he doesn’t look at her when he says it because he knows that he deceived her by letting her believe that was what they were going to do and he doesn’t want to see the disappointment and betrayal in her eyes. Again this is something he does alot and look, I love The Darkling’s character, I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognise his flaws and for me I kind of saw him as a coward for this. I mean if you are going to deceive and manipulate a person and force them to do something you know they don’t want to do, then at least have the decency to look at them. He does however look at her when she tries to save Novokribirsk after he lets the fold consume it. He stops her and you can see the anger when he says they are traitors who tried to kill her and that this action was retribution. I think he hates the fact that she is trying to save the very people who tried to hurt her. But again he looks away from her when he sees the way she is looking at him and how horrified she is by what he has done. 

Their very last interaction is when she uses the dagger to cut the amplifier from his hand and shows him what she is and that she’s the one the stag chose. He sees this as her betraying their people which is interesting because at the end of the episode Alina says that Kirigan turned on his own people. So they both believe the other turned on their own people, the problem here is that I feel like Alina feels more loyalty towards the non Grisha Ravkans, she still sees them as more her people due to spending more time as just a ordinary mapmaker then as Grisha but the Darkling has more loyalty towards the Grisha. Its like how you know parents aren’t suppose to have a favourite child but we all know they do. Well I feel like the Ravkans are Alina’s favourite child and the Grisha are the Darkling’s. Of course they still care about the other but their ‘favourite’ is their priority if that makes sense. By the end of the season when we see the Darkling emerge from the fold I think he is feeling very angry and very betrayed by Alina, however I actually think the fact that she bested him has only made him look at her as even more of an equal than before. Not only is she someone who will stand up to him but now she has become someone who can match him. I do think he’s in this very complicated situation where he is on an opposite to the person he believes is essentially his soulmate. However as much as I think he does love her I still think he will put his people above her and so will continue to act in what he considers to be the best interests of his people. It also seems like he’s got some new powers and was able to create shadow soldiers which again is interesting because he basically just accomplished what he meant to do in the first place when he created the fold, he’s created his own army. 

Ok so that’s all for now to be honest I could talk about the Darkling forever but I think this is already long enough so if you have read all the way to the end thank you for your time. I am thinking of doing other character analysis posts so keep an eye for that if its something that interests you, I think I might do Alina next. I’ll also post my thoughts on the book once I’ve read it.        

#the darkling #general kirigan #darklina

[anime-academix]

Dating Mexican Reader

Headcanon

Characters: Midoriya, Bakugo, Todoroki, Kirishima, Aizawa, Shigaraki, Dabi

Warnings: minor swearing, minor nsfw (it’s extremely brief, you’ll see it if you squint)

Requested by: @peachyhonxeey​ Thank you for your request! :)

A/N: I’m so sorry, I took so long to post this! 😭 But I hope you all like it! I will admit, my knowledge on Mexican culture is limited...so I asked a few friends more knowledgeable in that area for some help! So, if there are any spelling/pronunciation/translation errors, I apologise in advance! But, I hope you guys enjoy reading this! I will definitely be going back in and doing some much needed revising though lol and then maybe a part 2!

Midoriya

Shy when it comes to dating outside of his race, but claims he’s the luckiest person in the world once he’s with you.

ALWAYS asking questions about your family, culture, and even the language.

Writes down all of your answers.

Actually enrolled himself in a Spanish class so he could surprise you with what he’s been learning.

If Japanese isn't your first language, he will offer to help you with your Japanese.

The two of you end up spending hours just teaching each other phrase in your native languages.

During times like these, this boy is so madly in love with you, just observing the way you are, the way you’re just existing.

Wants to meet your family and will even ask how he can please your family members.

Listens to you in awe when you converse with your family in your native language.

Will try and repeat some of the words/phrases he hears you use to himself.

Once you’re done talking to your family, he’ll ask you how to pronounce a word he heard you say or what a phrase means.

Will ask you about how Japanese culture is different from your own culture.

When it comes to PDA, Izuku is EXTREMELY shy and gets flustered so easily.

He’s shock when he finds out that you’re culture is significantly different than Japanese culture.

Especially when it comes to PDA.

In public, as far as the two of you go are hugs, hand holding and cheek kisses.

Most times you initiate it, but after a while, he begins initiating it on his own.

He’s always sending you recipes he comes across and asks if you two could make it together on the weekend.

You’ll have conversations concerning your own experiences with racial discrimination.

Will almost always start crying.

Hugs you tight and reassures you that you and everything about you is beautiful.

Bakugo

He is so fascinated by you and your culture, but he won’t ever say it aloud.

You’ll see his fascination through little things:

Started eating Mexican food, even when the two of you were just friends to understand you a bit more.

Even learning words, phrases, and slang words in Spanish when he could.

He absolutely loves it when you switch to speaking your native tongue.

Especially when you guys get into an argument, he’s left speechless because you’ll curse at him in Spanish but he has NO idea all of what you’re saying.

“Excuse me? ¡Siempre haces esto! Te voy a romper la cara con mis puñetazos. No me jodas. Ugh! Vete a la mierda, pendejo. Eres tan jodidamente molesto.”

“W-what...what the hell did you just say to me?!”

You can honestly out argue him.

Will almost always lose the argument because he wouldn’t know how to reply.

Honestly would think it’s really hot and badass that you switch languages when you’re upset.

Usually won’t be the first to apologise directly, but after giving you space to calm down, he usually starts by calling you ‘Mi Amor’ or ‘Princesa’.

His pronunciation is actually so on point.

He’ll act as though he’s indifferent but he LOVES Mexican food.

On RARE occasions, he will even attempt to make a simple Mexican recipe to impress you.

He’s actually so good at cooking and when you praise him, he’ll say:

“Tch. Don’t make a big deal about it; it wasn’t that hard.”

Was actually hella nervous that he would do it wrong and you wouldn't like it.

Blushes HARD, but will pretend like its nothing when you praise his cooking.

During late night talks, usually with you laying on top of him, his arms wrapped around you and he’ll ask you if you feel comfortable in Japan.

Then will eventually ask if you’re comfortable with him.

Todoroki

Is 100% nervous to date outside of his race, or anyone for that matter.

So, once the two of you start dating, he is very attentive and takes the relationship seriously.

Very traditional when it comes to dating, but at the same time extremely shy.

Especially when it comes to PDA.

If we’re being honest, he’s really awkward when it comes to being around you, so it’s hard for him to express affection and his emotions directly.

So majority of the time, you’re instigating hand holding, hugs, and eventually kissing a lot of the time.

Expresses his love and affection for you through other ways.

He will take so much of his time reading about Mexican culture, the languages, and will even learn your native language to converse with you at times.

Constantly asking you random and unexpected questions about yourself and background.

Most of the time, he won’t give an explanation or context for the question.

Over time, he becomes more comfortable with affection and will start making the first move, such as: cheek and hand kissing and hugs.

When he’s around his friends, he usually sticks to hugging because this boy is honestly so awkward.

Whenever the two of you are in public, he prefers to always be holding your hand.

Some times he’ll have two of his fingers wrapped around yours.

He finds it so interesting when you speak in your native language whether you’re talking to family/friends or talking to yourself.

When you guys have an argument, it definitely would be over something serious.

Todoroki tries to remain calm whenever the two of you do fight, which usually resolves the argument as quick as it started.

But on rare occasions, during an argument he’s caught off guard when you switch to your native language when you’re upset/frustrated.

He’ll understand even more that when you switch to your native tongue, you’re extremely upset about whatever the two of you are arguing about.

Even then, he usually doesn’t argue back and will let you get out all of your feelings until you’ve calmed down.

If he thinks the two of you need some space, he’ll leave for an hour or so and then come back so the two of you can talk.

Regardless of whoever started the argument, he’s almost always the first to apologize, which usually results in the both of you apologizing at the same time.

Kirishima

In all honesty, the two of you just clicked instantly.

Picks up on your native language incredibly fast.

The two of you can hold entire conversations in Spanish.

Confuses the others because they have no idea what you’re talking about.

As if Kirishima wasn’t already romantic enough, once he starts learning more about your culture, his art in the romantics sky rocket.

Like this boy will tell you pick up lines in Spanish with a smirk on his face in front of your friends.

Will even ask if you can teach him any Mexican dances that you know.

When/if you do, he won’t stop practicing that dance(s) and he gets INTO it, emotions and all.

But honestly, the two of you are always dancing, especially when you’re alone together.

Kirishima doesn’t care about what others think, so therefore, he has no problem showing you off in public.

He will almost always initiate PDA and it doesn’t even bother him if other people think it’s weird.

Your family absolutely loves him, he honestly fits right in quite well when he meets your family.

Has at least a question every day about your culture and/or family.

Aizawa (slight NSFW towards the end)

Same with Kirishima, he has no problem showing you off.

LOVES listening to you speak in your native tongue.

But also loves hearing you talk about your culture and family.

Though he’s very educated on Mexican culture, he also learns alot from you--more intimate and personal details.

Aizawa knows a good amount of Spanish, but is kind of shy when it comes to responding back in Spanish because he’s self conscious when it comes to pronunciation.

His pronunciation is actually really good, but he doesn’t seem to think so.

You lowkey love when he speaks in your native language.

At times, when you ask him a question in Spanish, he will answer in Japanese and/or English.

Whenever you guys argue, you tend to switch back to your native tongue especially when you’re angry/upset.

He actually knows exactly what you’re saying, but usually won’t say anything.

Wants to let you scream out your anger/frustration as effectively as you can.

BUT NOW HEAR ME OUT, Aizawa WILL speak Spanish but only on rare occasions, like really rare.

Happens mostly on late nights when the two of you are cuddling that he’ll call you Mi Amor while holding you in his arms.

The other times he speaks Spanish to you are the nights when you two are doing the deed, he will whisper dirty things in your ear because he knows that it will turn you on instantly.

His deep voice + Spanish = ⚰️

He’s extremely protective of you.

Whenever the two of you are out in public, tends to hold you close to him by your waist.

Shigaraki

He may act like he’s all big and bad, but he becomes so shy whenever the two of you are alone.

Though you’re immune to his quirk, he’s always scared that one day he’ll touch you and you’re going to decay in his hands.

Because he’s always thinking that, you’re the one to take his hand and remind him that you’re not going anywhere

When you’re around the other League members and he’s acting out, you’ll put that boy back in line.

You’re honestly the only person that can keep him calm the most effectively.

Kurogiri is so lucky to have you, because he knows Shigaraki will listen to you.

Becomes a huge softie when you speak in your native tongue around him

Very interested in your culture and background.

He’s extremely shy when it comes to him asking you questions about your culture.

If he feels too embarrassed to ask you a question, he’ll spend a good amount of time researching the topic and he will inform you in hopes of impressing you.

Loves to see the happy look on your face when he tells you what he’s learned.

He may be a soft, pouty baby when it comes to you, but if anyone even dares to disrespect you, he will dust them in a second.

Will occasionally ask if you’re comfortable being with him or if you’d rather be at home.

He’d become flustered asf when you tell him that he is your home.

Spends hours cuddling and talking about everything and nothing.

Okay okay okay, one night he will ask you if you can give him a nickname in Spanish.

When he asks you that, he’s blushing like CRAZY.

Dabi (slight NSFW)

Okay, if we’re being honest, he honestly was the one to make the first move when he saw you.

Jokingly says dating you was a bad idea, but doesn’t regret meeting you at all .

Dabi won’t ever admit it, but he is SO in love with you, even if he tells you you’re a pain in the ass.

Whenever he gets an attitude, you have no problem reminding him of his place.

“What are you gonna do? Kick my ass? Doll, I’m not scared of you.”

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you talking to, but it ain’t me. So, you better watch yourself before I knock you out into next week.”

He’s almost always caught off guard with how fast you snap back.

When the two of you argue, he tends to lose the argument because at some point when your anger/annoyance heightens, you’ll start swearing at him in Spanish.

He’ll just stand there smirking at you while you’re just full of frustration.

Finds it so hot when you switch back to your native language.

Asks you so many times to speak in Spanish to him.

Knows a generous amount of phrases and words native to your culture.

Okay, I will tell you, it turns him on so much if you talk dirty to him in Spanish--it’s definitely one of his weaknesses.

Has no problem asking you questions about your culture.

Loves hearing you talk about your stories about your home, background and even family.

Though he’s a little rough around the edges, Dabi is EXTREMELY protective and especially observant when it comes to you.

Whenever the two of you are in public, he always has his arm around your shoulders or waist.

Dabi doesn’t care too much for PDA, but if he notices someone staring at you, he’ll glare at the person before kissing your lips then your down your neck.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #my hero academia masterlist #mha masterlist #bnha masterlist #masterlist #headcanon #bakugou headcanons #izuku midoriya #bakugou katsuki #kirishima #boku no academia #shigaraki #dabi #touya todoroki #mha aizawa #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bakugo x reader #midoriya x reader #dabi x reader #shigaraki x y/n #kirishima x reader #shoto torodoki #todoroki #eraserhead #mha imagines #mha imagine #bnha x y/n

[rock-the-ghost]

A deep dive into Alexander (2004) directed by Oliver stone ( this definitely isn't my personal thoughts on it )

Let's start with the basics, what is this movie about, it's a "epic dramatic" films about Alexander the Great's life ( played by Colin Pharrell ), it was a runtime if 3 hours and 37 minutes. Yes you heard that right 3 H O U R S. Ahem anyways it tries to explore Alexander's relationship with his mother Olympias ( Angelina Jolie ), his father Phillip ll ( Val kilmer ) and his "close friend" Hephaestion ( Jared Leto )

Next let's talk about what the public thought about this film according to rotten tomatoes, film critics score is 16% and audience score is 35%, and all I have to say is fair enough lol, the film isn't that good, it has alot of moments that stretch out for far too long, weird shots and weird time jumps, time jumps I think are the biggest problem with this film but I will go more into it later. This movie tried to explore Alexander's personal life, childhood, relationship, army life, all the battles he and the army went through all the while trying to make it "epic" and interesting and obviously that's just too much to handle for one movie even for a 3 hours film. Now let's talk about the time jumps, they're too much, too confusing the film starts at a battle then jumps back to Alexander's childhood then jumps to the future and it just keeps going back and forth, I also suffers from what I like to call too many flashbacks syndrome, I just think it would have been so much better if it started with his childhood and slowly progressed to his father's death, his rise to the throne, army life and eventual death.

Now I would like to talk about what the

Greeks

Thought about this film. I am greek and I personally liked it but it might be because I suffer from, I have no sense of judgement syndrome ha...haha.. right anyways. So in little word the Greeks HATED this film for ONE small reason, and my father told me when I asked him about this film "they made Alexander a

Sissy , a faggot, a fig tree"

AH YES HOMOPHOBIA, yes Greece is indeed a homophobic country this film dives DEEP into Alexander's sexuality and is bisexual in this film, his "close friends, comrade fellow army general" Hephaestion and him are obviously in a relationship although it is not explicitly shown, like they share intimate moments and do alot of like touching and shit but like they never kiss or explicitly show in any way shape or form that they're in a relationship ( except from the moment where Olympias yells at Alexander that all of the women think that he is fonder of Hephaestion's thighs rather the theirs ahem ) I would ALSO like to point out that when I watched Alexander on greek television the scene where Alexander like makes out with bagoas or however u spell his name is cut out AND alot of the scenes between Alexander and Hephaestion are cut out e.i the scene that Hephaestion gives Alexander a ring. AHHH I HATE IT HERE like yes hate this film cause it isn't that historically accurate not because of the gay. Now was he gay I'll talk about that in a separate post probably lol.

Right anyways but how is the cinematography ? It's alright all the locations are gorgeous and it has some pretty scenes but like I said most of the scenes are really stretched out. The acting is alright Colin Pharrell is immaculate like he out so much emotion to this role, he's great.

And lastly why isn't it that historically accurate well this film kinda leans to the conspiracy side of Alexander's story cause like there are alot if unanswered questions like why/who killed Phillip and in this one the film falls to the conspiracy that it was a guard that was r*ped by Phillip but also has some subtext of Olympias doing it ?? Idk it's weird.

Finally what are my thoughts on it. Personally I like it, besides it flaws it's a fun film, some might say it boring considering its three hours long but I have an undying love for long films so I like this one. Yes it is bad BUT it's the funny bad and it also had the balls to tackle lgbt themes in 2004, UNLIKE S O M E OTHER FILMS THAT CANE OUT THE SAME YEAR AHEM* TROY *AHEM.

6.9/10 would recommend <3

#ancient greece #greek history #greek mythology #alexander the great #alexander 2004 #rant ig #movie recommendation #movie review #hephaestion

[ratanslily]

so i just finished weh, and its good.

i just need to let out some thoughts so..

i think it could be better if they hadn't paywalled every good scene, i understand for some scenes but scenes like talking to friends to cope with what happened and talking about dakota at graduation shouldn't require premium scenes. i dont think the last chapter would've been as good as it is if people didnt take those scenes.

its a nice story, even though Dakota x mc feels rushed at beginning, they make it upto the readers by showing their relationship bloom even more throughout the book

i think this was very sweet and required in mtfl, because it feels so real, with so much emotions and trust in each other, rather than a mindless hookup

the way dakota keeps asking "this okay?" was SO genuine and cute, respect for the boundaries and comfort of your partner during the intimate time :")

the friend group is great, and they dont become instant friends, like lennox doesnt trust mc right away but takes time to adjust to her, i like that very much.

+ i love how mc's friends praise her for showing solidarity for dakota by shaving her head, its not much but it's a cute little coding they did there. im so relieved this wasnt a premium choice, because it would be hella low of them to do so

relationships are not smooth sails, i like how they made dakota frustrated, even though it hurt, it was important to show he's a human too, that too a child with such a great amount of stress in his life.the angst here was so good, but again my problem is with how they paywalled friends helping mc work thru the fight

i have alot more to say about dakota but ill just leave it here

this, for dakota👆❤

#weh

[violetnotez]

Actions Are Louder Than Words- Pro Hero! Deku x Reader

So Im currently StruGgling through a Bakugo fic rn, which Im so mad about...so here’s  a quick Deku rewrite of mine until I post that fic!

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2500+

Warnings: mentions of wounds

Summary: Izuku comes to your home mysteriously one night, injured and in his hero suit- and you’re the only one who can fix him up.

One Shot

(RULES |  MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

For some reason, your room was extremely hot.

It made sense, in the middle of July, but you hated it. Your clothes stuck to your body like glue, making every movement feel sticky and humid.

You had decided to go to sleep at a late time, hoping that maybe when the sun went down, the coolness of night would suppress itself into your room.

You had opened up your window just a little to help with that, which brought the sounds of the city to your room. You were on the 4th level of your apartment complex, so the sounds weren’t so loud that you couldn’t stand it. You looked out, feeling a luke warm breeze, imagining your best friend, Izuku Midoriya, doing his daily hero rounds, that infectiously warm grin plastered on his face. You smiled to yourself.You secretly loved Izuku, every since he told you about One For All. The fact he trusted you with something so important, and finding out he was the one doing all those good deeds pushed your over the edge. You had began to like him before that moment, because of his sweet and respectful demeanor (not to mention he was extremely attractive), but you were in the awkward of stage of where you didn’t know where your heart stood. But now, it knew exactly where it wanted to be: standing next to Izuku.

You sighed, feeling reality sink in. Izuku would never go out with you, you thought.  Izuku was too good for you- you were his loyal best friend, nothing more, nothing less.

This thought made your chest throb, but you would get over heartache. You always did. 

You left the window open, the curtains billowing slightly in the warm breeze. You crawled into your sheets, feeling the soft cool of the material, knowing that they would soon turn warm due to your body heat. You thought, drowsy from staying up so late now,  that it would be best to go to sleep soon, and with that, a wave of slumber took over your body.

You felt as if you had slept for 10 minutes when you abruptly woke up to a loud crash in your room. You jumped up in your bed, feeling your shirt sleeve slip down from your sleep sluggish body. You looked around for the source of the noise, fear clawing your stomach in an iron grip. You almost screamed, but your throat closed in from terror. There was a dark outline of a body on the floor, looking like it jumped into your room from the open window. You stared at it, not believing what had just happened. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness, hearing the cars below you honk and the engines whir. 

You began spotting details: a gloved hand, red boots, teal fabric… “Deku?” You asked thickly, your voice sounding groggy from your nap.

The body pushed itself off the floor, laying itself against your dresser.The person sighed in relief, looking at you with huge eyes that glinted in the street’s warm light from below.

“Hi y/n,” the person chuckled nervously, the voice immediately soundly like Midoriya when he was flustered.

You heard a grimace in his voice as he grabbed his side.“Izuku!? Are you okay!?” you asked in shock, feeling way more awake than before. This was one of your worst fears- him getting hurt. It was bound to happen, with all the shady characters he’s always fighting, but you couldn’t bear the thought of Izuku getting attacked- or worse.

“Yeah Im fine- just- mmph- got a little scratch, nothing bad, Im fine...please don’t worry-.”

You jumped up , tearing the sheets away from you. You crouched next to Izuku, seeing the light scratches littering his face, illuminated from the streetlights below.

“If you were fine, you wouldnt be in my room.” you replied with a sad smile, trying to keep your voice down in order to not wake up your neighbors.

You freaked out inside- Izuku Midoriya was in your room, hurt, but in full hero gear. Izuku Midoriya. Had to be in your room. Your crush. You felt the heat rise in your face, cursing yourself for always acting like some love sick school girl around him.

“I’m sorry, you know I wouldn’t want to put you in any danger on purpose, its just I needed a quick escape, and I just saw that your window was open, so I-

”“Jumped  in?” you finished his sentence.

“Yeah- something like that,” he laughed quietly, looking slightly at the floor, but laughing seem to be too excruciating because he made another painful grunt.

“Izuku,” you pleaded, losing your weak joking manner, “what happened? Where are your hurt?”

“No, no, I’m fine!” he insisted, looking at you with fear, failing at convincing you.

You gave him a look that clearly showed you didnt believe a single thing that had just came out of his mouth.

“Izuku,” you told him sternly, “tell me. Please.”

“Im okay I swea-”

“I swear to God Izuku Mirdoriya if you say your ‘fine’, which your clearly not, I will call your mom.”

You knew the last person he wanted to drag into this was his mother, and you didn't want to either. She was a sweet woman, but extremely overprotective of Izuku, for all the right reasons. You knew Izuku didn’t want to worry her, and even though you felt a little guilty for being unable to tell his mom all the things she should probably know that happens to Midoriya, you couldn't bring yourself to break your unspoken promise. 

You didn’t want to play the “Mom” card on him, but you could tell Midoriya was in alot of pain- anything you could help him with, you were going to do it. Whether he admitted to it or not.

“No y/n, please,” Izuku said quickly, fear suffocating his voice. Guilt rose in your stomach, but you shoved it down as he asked, “you wouldn’t, right?”

“Izuku…” you sighed as you hugged your knees to yourself. You didnt want to- but there was a considerable difference between want and need.“You know I wouldn’t tell her unless I needed to- if your hurt only a little, we can fix it- but if you need medical attention, of course Im telling her. But for right now-if youll be quiet and let me help you-I wont say a word to her.” you added the last part as a slight joke, smiling so Izuku knew you weren’t trying to intentionally be mean.

 He chuckled, stating softly, “You always are the one that wants to fix me up.”

 “It’s what I do best,” you smiled.“Alrightie Deku-lets check the damage.”

 You quickly changed the subject, seeing that you had brought Izuku’s wall down and you could easily sneak in to get to what you needed to do.

Izuku sighed hesitantly, stilling holding his side. He raised his hand slowly, showing a cut in the side of his suit, the fabric fraying back. You gulped, suppressing panic, and this time, anger.Who could do this to Izuku? YOUR Izuku?

You quickly got up to reach for your nightstand, feeling Izuku’s eyes follow you. You grabbed your phone, bringing the flashlight to its brightest level. You were focused and nervous at the same time, your hands trembling at the thought of touching Midoriya.You sat back down in front of him, pointing the  light at his chest. You didn’t look at the angry gash across his chest, but at those big green eyes that somehow always make your heart stop beating.

“Is it-okay-if I….” you stumbled, nerves coming through thickly in your voice.

“Sure,” Midoriya replied an octave too high. He cleared his throat, trying again. “I mean-yeah yeah, go for it….”

You smiled to yourself, thinking how much of a cute dork Midoriya was, even when he was injured.

Even though Izuku was hurt, he could only focus on you. He felt comfortable with you, but extremely nervous. He never had a girl so close to him before, especially one he liked- the  “like like” kind. He hated himself for thinking it was a good idea coming into your room at 1 in the morning, dragging you into his problem, and the fact he was actually, in some ways, enjoying this- you giving him your full attention, the feeling of your hands brushing his skin- made him shiver in the best way possible.Your hand shook as you gingerly reached to pull back the ripped fabric on his chest, while the other held the flashlight as steady as you could.

“Tell me if I do anything to make it hurt, Kay?” You instructed. 

Izuku simply nodded, and you braced yourself for the worst.

Your expression was as if made of steel, determined and persistent.You gently drew the teal fabric away more , showing more skin. The slit of fabric was a clean one-it was hard to see what was under. All you could really make out was bruising and a cut-but couldn’t really assess the damage.

“I can’t see anything- the cut is too covered in the suit,” you exhaled as you moved away from Izuku, making him feel almost cold without your hand on his side.You looked at him, hoping he couldn’t see the red rising in your face. You had just thought of a solution to your problem, but didn’t know how Izuku would take it.

“So-I’m gonna grab a first aid kit- but I’m gonna need you to-um,” you cleared your throat, nerves coating your throat like a thick film, “I need to you to-take off.. the suit-“You wanted to kick yourself for actually saying this out loud. You sounded stupid! Asking him to take his suit off! This was too intimate, too weird for your relationship dynamic- but you secretly hated yourself more for wanting it to happen.

You panicked, trying to revise what you had just said, “You don’t have to take off the whole suit- just to your waist-you seriously don’t have to do this, I don’t even know why I said it, we could figure something else out-“

“I’ll do it,” He interjected quietly, looking straight at you, making your heart jump.

Izuku was terrified to say the least at the thought of showing his bare chest to you, but- he liked the feeling of your skin on his. It felt like such an adrenaline rush. He was intoxicated by the feeling- it was like everything was at peace with the world as his skin tingled with a charged energy he couldn't describe.

“It’s better if we do it like this,” he added, “If I have to go to a hospital, it’ll be all over the press tomorrow. I dont really care to see myself all beaten up on the news,” He smiled weakly, attempting at making the mood lighter so you wouldn't feel as nervous.. 

“Okay,” you exhaled, smiling back,  relieved Izuku didnt take anything you said the wrong way, “if you say so.”

You stood up, trying to avoid Izuku’s gaze.“I’m going to go get the first aid stuff, and you just-” You waved your hand around Izuku, motioning up and down at his body. “So- yeah,” you added in a nervous laugh, brushing your hair away from your face.

He smiled at your obvious flusteredness, grateful he wasn’t the only one.

Walking to your connected bathroom, your head swarmed with doubt.Maybe- this was a bad idea. Maybe he should go to the hospital- he could be really injured and you both would never know until it was too late. But… Izuku didn’t want anybody to know… and you promised you would help him until he needed actual medical attention. Worst comes to worst you could call All Might- he’d know what to do. Until then, you’d take care of Midoriya yourself.

You entered your bathroom, and rummaged in your cabinets until you found a white plastic case with a large red cross emblem on the front. You grabbed the handle, pulling it close to you and tiptoed out of the room, praying your neighbors didn’t hear you from the other side of the hallway.

Izuku was in the same position as you left him, except that his suit was gathered around his navel. You could make out Midoriya’s bare shoulder, a shadow in the dim glow of the streetlights below. You quickly looked down, feeling heat rise to your face, not knowing what to do.

You sat back next to  Midoriya, rummaging in the box, trying not to look at him. You never really thought of it, but  Midoriya was super fit. Like- to the point that you wondered how the hell someone could have so much muscle.  Midoriya was built extremely thin and lanky- how was that even possible?!

 Your cheeks instantly got redder.

“You alright?”  Midoriya asked sweetly, making your pulse jump up.

“Yeah, Im fine- actually I should be asking you that, youre the one with the injury,” you stated, trying to keep your voice under control as you looked for stuff- god, you were a mess right now.

“Im fine if youre fine,” he answered innocently, giving you a reassuring smile which made you think you couldnt love him even more- he was injured, and he was making sure you were okay.

God why was he such a good person?!

You gave a small smile thanking him.

”Thanks,” you said, as you tied your bed hair back.“Im sorry I cant turn on any lights, I just dont want my annoying neighbors complaining about me again, there honestly crazy…”

“Oh, youre good!” he whispered, “Just- thanks for doing this for me. You really dont have to do-”

“Midoriya, please, you literally cant walk.” you stated sarcastically, knowing full well Izuku could probably take the pain but you werent letting him go home over your dead body.

“Thats true,” he chuckled, wincing again from the pain. You went to touch him, not knowing what to do to leviate the pain- except, fix it.

“Alright, we need to see what’s wrong- ready?” you asked hesitantly, trying to sound strong.

Midoriya nodded his head, a determined look on his face.

“Ready.”

----------------

Requests open!!!

#bnha #bnha hc #bnha x reader #deku x reader #bnha deku x reader #deku hc #deku #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku hc #bnha izuku x reader #mha izuku x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya x you #bnha midoriya x reader #bnha izuku midoriya x reader

[horrorslashergirl]

Can I just request Hacker and Aria 🥺 it doesn't matter what point they're in, in their friendship/relationship .. nor the scenario 🥺

The Hacker x Aria- Sensitive Grounds

Ahhhh yes! I love to ship these two! 😍

Aria belongs to @slassher-addict

The Hacker/Erron belongs to me

His life was sometimes oh so complicated, that was how the Hacker accepted that it would be, but looking over his shoulder at the black sleeping beauty, he sometimes wondered if he felt more like a baby-sitter than a very good friend.

Normally, if a beautiful girl was drunk he would make the most out of it, but Aria wasn't just a normal dumb bimbo or a cheap hooker. She turned out to be his best friend and not only because she shared similar bloody hoobies like his.

She was smart, funny, feisty even and oh so gorgeous. He internally groaned and told himself that things wouldn't go further than some funny flirting here and there. She wasn't the type and he sure as hell wasn't her type.

The lack of sleep was another problem, he hadn't slept in almost two days and the bright screen of his computers were starting to make his eyes behind the mask ichy.

A groan resounded from behind him and he looked at Aria, waking up in his bed at the other side of the room.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty." he said as he turned his chair around.

Her dark eyes opened and she looked at him, then down at her, making sure she was still dressed and nothing was suspicious.

"Did we...?" she asked, just to make sure.

The Hacker rolled his eyes behind the mask and got up from the chair and into the kitchen.

"Jeez, doll. No...... You passed put after a douchebag put something into your drink." he replied, then came back with a glass of water for her.

He could tell she was surprised, usually she was so vigilent and always on her toes. Well, not always.

"Anyway. I ordered some breakfast. It should be delivered in just a few minutes." Erron alias the Hacker told her with crossed arms over his chest.

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of the water.

"Well aren't you prince charming?" she asked with a smile and Erron didn't said anything, just left to go into the kitchen.

The dark skinned girl stretched her arms above her head and decided to leave the warm bed to start the new day. It was the weekend after all.

When she entered the kitchen she noticed his hoodie on one of the chairs, leaving Erron in a black t-shirt. It was rare that he showed skin and it was probably just the second time she saw him like that, tattoos littering his forearms and biceps.

"You know you should take your hoodie off more. Your tattoos are beautiful." Aria said as she took a seat, observing him.

"I know, doll." he smugly said and she just rolled her eyes at his arrogant self.

He sometimes could be such a jerk, always with his all high and mighty brain, suave and perssuasive self, but he showed also a caring side towards her. She knew how much of a womanizer he was, flirting here and there, hooking up with desperate girls, going to brothels.

Still, with her all he did was just innocent flirting and never crossed lines. Maybe she wasn't his type? Not attractive enough? Not sexy enough? Was she ugly?

"I am ugly?" she finally asked and he stopped as he poured himself and her two cups of Coffee.

"What are you talking about?" Erron asked, turning around and she could tell by how tense his muscels were that he was frowning behind the mask. His body language spoke alot of his emotions.

"Do you think... Maybe... I am beautiful?" Aria asked, looking intently at him.

"Of course you are. You are gorgeous. Where this sudden lack of self esstem came?" Erron asked, curious about what has gotten into her. She was usually so confident in herself, walking with her head up and all proud.

She couldn’t possibly tell him that she had a problem with him not making steps towards her, after all she made it clear how things with her in a relationship were and he kept it to himself, respecting her boundaries.

"No reason." she murmured and he sighed, handing her the warm cup of coffee.

"Make yourself at home. I have work to do." he simply told her and exited the kitchen.

Her eyes lingered on his back and to his spikey brown hair, broad shoulders. She had to admit he was attractive, even though she hadn't seen his face yet, his personality was attractive, somehow. It was something about the Hacker that you love and hate at the same time and that's what Aria felt.

She sipped on her coffee and remembers the times she was here and brought girls for a good time. Yes, jealousy was a word for what she felt back then, but she told herself she shouldn't. They weren't together.

The Hacker sat down on his chair again and groaned. How could she ask him such a thing? If she was ugly? She was absolutly stunning, so much that he wanted to have her bend over and-... No! They were very good friends and she wasn't the type of girl to do so.

Later that day Aria went to the library to get some books and also meet with a friend who enjoyed reading as much as her. He was a middle aged gentleman who was so afraid to speak with girls he found in Aria a nice fresh of air. They had some lunch and spoke of hystory, it was a good time, but it looked like time sure flys fast and it started to get dark.

"It was an upmost pleasure for your time! Maybe next time we can discuss about this new mystery novel that is going to come out next month." the man told Aria and she nodded grinning, then they waved goodbye.

Aria now was on her way to Errons penthouse. She was staying there until the renovations of her own home. She was Glad she could count on him at anytime of the day or night. She finally got into the elevator and waited for it to get her onto the last floor. Exiting, she stepped down the hallways to Errons penthouse. She was close to the door and saw it open, a woman exiting it, her red hair straight and pink lips stretching into a smirk at her.

Aria ignored it all and went inside, seeing Erron smoke a cigarette through the hole in the maks where his mouth is.

"So, I guess you got yourself busy while I was gone." Aria said, as she started to pull her books out of her bag and onto the kitchen counter.

"Ehh.... She was good, but couldn't suck a dick to save her life." he replied making Aria cringe.

"Don't wanna know." she said, pulling her hand in front of her face.

"Hey, you are the one who induced the subject. So, how was the date with the slimball?" Erron asked as he crossed his arms over his bare chest.

Aria just now noticed he was half naked, the dragon tattoo on his pectoral visible, but she could care less, because the way he spoke was kind of rude.

"It actually went fine. He is quit lovely actually." Aria spoke, and his response was that he crushed what was left of his cigarette in his hand.

"I am sure you two make a fucking cute couple." The Hacker snarled and that's when Aria couldn't hold her anger more.

"What is your problem?!" she screamed at him and he moved towards her.

She wasn't afraid, he wouldn’t hurt her and even if he did, she could over power him easily.

"My problem!? That skunk is all sweet and nice just to get into your pants." he told her, his masked face away from her own by just a few inches. She glared up at him and put her hands on her hips, not backing down.

"Why do you care? From the looks of it, you have one hell of a time with each women that steps into this place." she spoke, poking his chest with her finger.

He swallowed down and in his fit of anger he ripped his mask off and threw it against the wall, breaking it. He huffed and had his back turned to her. He was finally after months bare before her, well except for his pants, but his face was the most intimate part of himself. He felt vulnerable without it.

He looked over his shoulder at her and she finally took a glimpse of what he looks like; high cheekbones, plush lips and grey eyes. He was handsome, she had to admit and she noted that he looked like any average guy.

"What?!" he snarled at her and she rolled her eyes, not afraid of him.

"Nothing." she said, crossing her arms over her chest and looked away.

Erron sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose turning fully at her and looking at her.

"Look... I am sorry for all of this. It was dumb of me to be jealous." he finally admited and he wished he could take that back.

Aria looked at him with wide eyes and a confused look.

"You were jealous? You mean..." she asked and she internally grinned in victory when she saw a slight pink blush on his cheeks as he looked down.

"Don't mention it.... But lets not act like you are all innocent here. You were pretty jealous of these women you talked about." And again the smug jerk returned, making Aria shake her head, her dark afro hair bouncing.

"Oh shut up!" Aria said, glaring playfully at him.

He stepped closer to her with a smirk.

"Make me." he told her and before they both realized what was happening they kissed, her arms wrapped around his neck and his arms around her waist.

The kiss wasn't like anything Aria expected. She expected something roughish, brutal even, but it was actually gentle, slow and sensual. It was such a different side to him.

After some moments they both pulled away and looked at eachother, like they couldn't believe that this was happening. It felt so unreal.

"You should sleep." Aria finally broke the silence, motioning to the bags under his eyes. He chuckled and pressed his lips against her forehead.

The Hacker was a stubborn one, but he had to admit that its been quit long since he slept in his own bed. His back ass starting to hurt from taking naps in his chair at the desk.

"Come on, go to bed. I will come back, I just need to change into some comfortable clothes." Aria told Erron and he nodded, moving towards his bedroom, then it hit him.

He was gonna share a bed with Aria. Usually, he slept into his chair and left his bed all for her, mainly for her own privacy and respect. The dark girl came back into a pair of white shorts and tank top. He gulped down as he saw her. It wasn't the first time she showed so much skin, but this time it felt slighly different, it felt almost sexual.

She got up onto the bed and moved under the covers with him, peeking his lips and offering him a good night, then turned off the lights.

If the Hacker was tiered before, now it was like a lightning struck him, because sleep was out of the calculum now.

"Are we together now?" he finally broke the silence and asked. Aria moved to turn around and looked into the dark at him.

"What kind of question is that?" she asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Just making sure. That's all. I do care, you know." he spoke in a soft voice, his arms wrapping around her, making her squeak but welcome the warmth.

This was a total surprise. Aria knew Erron could be sweet, if he wanted and left his ego aside, but this is all new. It was like a different person.

She knew that he went through some nasty relationships and didn't wanted to try again, because he was sick of ending the dumb one, but the realization hit her. She managed to make him open his heart.

Who knew that this egocentric sadistic killer could be such a softie?

"I am not gonna leave you." she whispered into his chest, her lips kissing his inked skin.

"I know." he spoke, his hands stroking the skin of her lower back as the tank top riddled up. She shivered at the feeling and wondered if things could go that way. It was tempting.

"Not tonight." he broke the silence yet again.

She looked up at him and felt her heart skip a beat.

"I want to enjoy this simple moment together." he said, kissing the top of her head.

Well, that sure was a pluse. The Hacker pushing his libido aside for a cuddling moment. She sure was one lucky lady.

And to think the two used to be just friends.

#The Hacker #Cyber Killer #Erron #ERROR 666 #The Hacker x Aria #Erron x Aria #Slasher OCs

[questionthebox]

Poets Diary

so i got vaccinated at 1pm today, its damn near almost 4pm, tomorrow im set to meet in person other people in DSA for the first time ever, as we all couldn’t meet due to this pandemic, which seems so odd to say, that the world has been held hostage by a pandemic, 

its been an interesting week, one of which, the question of who’s in my life, havinng people in my life, comes up, and rears its head, 

i’m currently feeling aloof from a woman ive admittedly loved, shared love with, i thought we were in a good space, of understanding one another,  but she did some real sneaky shit this week, that i still don’t understand, and i am aware of, after speaking to a friend of mine about this situation, and i heard what my friend said, 

and i’ll say this, having relationships with women who are artists is difficult, this woman who i am refrencing, her action towards me this week, felt very moody and bipolar,  and as my friend pointed out emotionally manipulative, 

and that’s something i am wrestling with, because i love this woman, and when i say love, that’s such a loaded word, that people automatically jump to romantic love, but its beyond that, i thought we were close, as close as ive been with my former best friend MJ, or other close friends ive had over the years, and for her to say something and present something like she was gonna throw away the years weve had together, i found disturbing, because its like, wait a moment, you have mental health issues, because i didn’t do anything to you, and i am not saying this on a high horse, ive had my mental health issues as she knows, but ive changed my life around rapidly in these past few years, and i am not unhealthy mentally anymore. 

to be quite honest, her actions this week, hurt me, it was disrepectful and childish, as my friend said she’s acting like a 13 year old girl, 

and i don’t want someone who feels like they can disrespect me like that, 

we tried talking it out yesterday, and her repsonses to me, were odd, muted,  conciliatory, and she didn’t respond back to me, 

what happened was this, and this is going to sound completely childish, weeks ago, a month ago, i posted on my instagram, a screenshot, of a conversation her and i had, i make “pop art” artworks our of screenshots of conversations i have with people, and with this partiuclar screenshot she took offence, and i told her i would delete it and i apologized, but that was that, 

fast forward to this week, when i was with that young model woman, when we exchanged information, i noticed on my instagram, i had lost a follower, and it turned out it was her, and i didn’t understand it, i was perplexed by it, and hurt, because she’s one of my closest friends, and we’ve talked intimately about art and so on, i thought or was under the impression she loved and repsected me, and she knows how i have a problem with so called people who know me, who call me friend, not giving me likes, or following me, i find it fake, so for her to do that, i found very odd, very wrong, hurtful, 

so i hit her up two days ago, in the middle of the night “are we cool” and when i woke up i saw she responded, 

and me knowing this lady, understanding her quirks, it still didn’t make sense, and it was hurtful, apparently she had been feeling a kind of way about the screenshot issue, and i told her why didn’t she just call me, to discuss it, eventhough we already discussed it weeks ago, and i apologized already, 

but just how she responded to me, it was emotionally manipulative, and struck me as mental, and its something i was in denial about, but when i showed it to a friend of mine, she independently came to the same conclusion, 

and its like WTF, because i am not on some bullshit, and i don’t have a problem with this woman, like i actually like and love her, but is she just crazy and is using me ? 

there’s also this, were set to hang out in august, and when we were discussing it over the phone she was hyped up, i was hyped up, i don’t understand where that energy went amidst this weirdo shit, 

i think she has conflicted feelings about me, and is pushing herself away from me, eventhough we agreed to just be friends, i can see, because i know women, and secondly i’m going to say this, i never should’ve told this woman all of the romantic things i told her in the beggining of us knowing each other, because like anyone, like any woman, they take that shit to heart, 

like i can be friends with her, i can say that the original romantic tinge of our relationship, was because i was, not in a good place, and needed to express that with someone, and vice versa, now the thing is, we found something genuine in each other, she likes to say “we are part of the same soul family” well if we are, and if we are strictly platonic, why are you treating me in these ways ? 

there’s alot of other things here as well, and i have to say once again, as a 29 year old man, and as someone who literally crawled their way out of mental health issues and darkness, that you can’t be going around talling people you love them and all this romantic shit, because the other person hears what you say and it affects them, 

and i don’t ever want to cause drama in somebodys life, nor do i want drama in my own, 

so earlier today i unfollowed her on instagram, and it hurt, because, i thought we did have something genuine, and i am totally fine with it not being romantic, like i love this woman, but we now are aloof, 

i had hit her up over a month ago, one evening, i had been smoking weed, i wrote her this long message, and i was telling her, i want her to find a man for herself, and to get her life going, 

this woman shouldn’t be entangled in me Anthony, she’s beautiful, smart, blah blah, but like alot of people, life keeps stuck and mired, and i tottaly empathize with that because ive been there too, 

idk, it sucks, i love this woman, i would never ask anything of her that i wouldn’t ask of myself, and our social bond matters to me, but i don’t like what this week revealed, and unlike what my friend was suggesting, i don’t like losing people, especially people who i love and have so much with. 

and this is the problem of contemporary life, how people feel like they can easily just “unknow” someone, that its as simple as clicking unfollow, you people sicken me, and there’s a level of hatred in me, that i am trying to keep away, where i can literally become hitler 2.0 if i wanted to, and be the antichrist and use my charisma and power of words and emotions to destroy the world. 

#poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #my thoughts #diary #personal diary #my musings #relationships