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yikesharringrove · 3 years

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We’re Us

A little commishy for my bxtch @thinger-strang.

Read on Ao3

This shit is SOFT

“Dustin, we all saw that fireball hit you,” Will said accusatorily, gesturing to the red bean bag on the ground at Dustin’s feet.

“Okay, first of all, you’re supposed to call a pause of play before using my real name,” Dustin said, all in one breath. “And second of all, the fireball only hit my lute, therefore I sustained no physical damage.” Dustin gestured to the cereal box that was taped to a jump rope, slung over his shoulder like it was a prized instrument.

“No, it didn’t. We all saw it hit your shoulder. You’d lose that arm at least, and take probably, like, fifty damage points.” Lucas pretended to aim a bow and arrow at Dustin while he spoke.

Dustin was getting dangerously close to huffy territory.

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll take the stupid damage points. Can we resume play yet?”

Everyone nodded, and they fell right back into battle.

It wasn’t often they took the game off the DnD board, but the weather was perfect, summer beginning to make itself known a little earlier than usual, giving them April days that were clear and perfect and made for the best LARP sessions known to Indiana.

Will aimed a fireball at Max, and launched it right as she darted out of the way. It sailed past her, missing her left hand by less than an inch, and she laughed wildly, raising her pool noodle sword and aiming blow after blow at him.

The bean bag hit the fence and went spiraling awkwardly into the small alley between the house and the old wooden fence

It was Will’s last fireball, and he hurried to retrieve any he could reach, dodging as best as he could around Max’s wild sword-wielding.

She tended to wallop them as hard as she could, somehow knocking the wind out of them with her soft excuse for a sword.

Will scrambled to pick up his bean bag from the overgrown grass and curling weeds, catching his breath quickly in the alley where he couldn’t be seen.

And then a sound drew his attention away from the battle.

It was a soft sound. He wouldn’t have heard it if the rest of the party had been so quietly focused on battling one another less than twenty feet away.

But he did hear it, and his head whipped around to find the source of it.

Steve and Billy.

Against the house.

Kissing.

It was like time stood still.

Like Will had been hit by one of Mage El’s freezing bombs.

Steve had Billy pushed up against the side of the house, their bodies pressed flush together.

Steve was clearly propping up Billy with his body, Billy’s mobility cane, the one he had let them cover in stickers, was laying forgotten on the ground.

Billy’s arms were wrapped around Steve’s shoulders, his hands curled in the fabric of Steve’s t-shirt. Steve had his arms wrapped around Billy’s waist, half holding him close, half not letting him fall without his cane.

They were kissing like they were trying to devour one another, and Will realized that the sound he had heard was a moan.

It wasn’t like seeing Lucas and Max kiss, or Mike or El, or even Nancy and Jonathan.

Seeing Billy and Steve,

Will knew he shouldn’t be seeing them.

He knew this was wrong, and people said two boys kissing was foul and bad.

But this didn’t look anything but, well, loving.

The way Steve was making sure Billy didn’t fall while they kissed, the way sometimes they would pull back and smile, their faces never moving more than a few inches away from one another.

One of Billy’s rough hands left its place clawed in Steve’s t-shirt, reaching forward to brush one thumb clumsily down his cheek.

They pulled back from one another, smiling stupidly, still staring into each other’s eyes.

Billy brushed his thumb down Steve’s cheek again, and Steve moved like he was nuzzling into the touch, turning his head to the right, pressing a kiss to Billy’s rough, scarred palm.

It made Will feel like he was floating in space with nothing keeping him down.

Steve pressed a kiss to Billy’s cheek, then his nose, then his other cheek, and Billy’s cheeks flushed and he giggled, a sound that was so foreign to Billy Hargrove it almost made Will rub his eyes to make sure he was seeing the right person.

And Billy smiled, so calmly and easily.

It made his whole face change. He looked like a completely different person.

And Will realized, he’s never actually seen Billy smile like this.

The only times he’d come close, we tight tiny things that never reached his eyes and were dropped within a second or two.

This was a genuine smile, full of genuine happiness, and god -

They’re in love.

They’re two boys, and they’re standing right in front of Will and they’re in love.

They went back to kissing, moving their heads slowly side to side, their mouths opening and closing and Will was so aware of having never kissed anyone before.

“Will, seriously! I’ve been yelling for you-”

Mike stopped talking the second he rounded the house.

He was stalk still, his mouth hanging open like a dead fish at what he saw.

Will’s heart was thundering against his ribcage, and he tried to push Mike back towards the game, pleading quietly at him to move.

And then the rest of the group was joining them. Faces mirroring Mike’s dead fish expression as they stared, open-mouthed, at Steve and Billy.

Will had his back to them, but in the quiet, he could hear. He could hear the soft sounds and the moans, and even the giggles that made his face go hot and his stomach do a whole gymnastics routine inside of him.

Will was staring at each of his friends in turn, pleading with them to just turn right around, and continue on with play as nothing had ever interrupted their battle.

Like they haven’t just stumbled on a huge and dangerous secret.

He went as far as to push Lucas, gently shoving him backward saying go! Go! Under his breath.

The last thing he needed was for Steve and Billy to notice them here. To realize what they had seen. What they know.

And then-

“What the fuck?”

Billy and Steve broke apart, looking towards the entrance of the alley, and seeing all six of the party, staring at them.

Max had been the one to speak, and she was looking at Billy oddly, almost like she didn’t know who he was.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, her voice quavering slightly.

Billy looked like he wanted to ground to swallow him right up.

Steve scrambled for the forgotten cane, keeping one hand on Billy’s elbow as he crouched down.

The movement made Will’s stomach flop over.

It was practiced.

Once Billy was standing on his own with the cane, Steve approached the kids calmly, his hands raised up like they were all wild animals that might attack at any moment.

“Look, I know how this looks, and you guys can’t-”

“It looks like, you guys were making out .” Dustin’s tone was hollow, and he looked as struck dumb as the rest of them.

“I know, and I mean, yeah. We were, but you need to listen -”

“Steve.”

Steve whipped right around when he heard the murmur.

Billy was standing slumped over against the house, one scarred, shaking hand covering his face, the other clutched so tightly to his cane his knuckles were white.

“Bill, I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. You’re okay.” Steve rushed to Billy’s side, holding onto his elbow again, brushing his fingers softly through Billy’s short hair, winding his fingers through the wild curls that were just long enough to form. “I’ll deal with this. It’s okay. They’re not going to tell.” Steve glared at the kids when he said that, as if daring them to argue.

Billy kinda, fell forward, leaning against Steve once again, his face going into Steve’s neck.

Steve didn’t react, still brushing his fingers through sandy blond curls.

“You all know what could happen to us if people found out?”

Nobody answered him.

Truth is, they did know.

They knew the stories about young men being beaten nearly to death. Being run out of town or put in the hospital over nothing but a rumor.

Being gay wasn’t something that was tolerated in Hawkins.

Hell, Will himself has been pushed around and called queer as long as he could remember.

Even by his own father.

“We won’t tell anyone.” Will felt like how Billy looked. Like he was shaking apart right in front of them. “I promise. We won’t. Not anyone.” He could barely get the words out. It was like his jaw had locked up with the rest of his bones.

He thinks it would kill him if anything happened to Billy and Steve over this. They needed to keep them safe.

He needed to keep them safe.

“Yeah. I promise,” El parroted. Steve beamed at them.

Will knew El had been very confused the first time she heard about Ryan Anderson, the high school sophomore that had been humiliated and beaten so badly his family had to leave town six years ago.

She didn’t understand how a boy that liked to kiss other boys was something that merited violence.

Hopper had surprised them all by saying that it didn’t, but some people felt like it did.

Who you kiss doesn’t matter as much as who you are. If you’re a good person, it’s all just extra fodder. But some people like to they’re better than anyone that’s different than they are.

El had called those people bad and that was the end of it.

“Billy, I won’t tell.” Max didn’t take her eyes off Billy while she spoke. “I swear. I’ll never tell anyone. Not even mom.”

Billy’s hand flexed on the handle of the cane, and his knees gave a wobble. Steve kept him upright, leaning over to murmur into his ear.

Will could just barely make out the words I’ve got you.

“I promise, too.” Dustin’s cereal box/lute was forgotten on the grass at his feet. “The party protects each other. It’s one of our laws.”

“Yeah, we stick together. This isn’t different.” Max gave Lucas a watery smile when he spoke up in turn.

Mike was quiet.

It was well-known how much he disliked both Steve and Billy.

All of the kids had some trouble trusting Billy after everything that had happened last summer. Billy didn’t seem to blame them. He kept to himself, even when he moved from his cold room in the military hospital into the Byers’ spare bedroom seven months ago, he was like a ghost moving through the house.

Only Steve could make him come out of his shell in those early days. Only Steve could make Billy join them for dinner and movie nights, take slow walks around the yard with his walker, and later with his cane. Only Steve could make Billy’s shoulders relax from their defensive position up around his ears, and now, it was finally dawning on everyone why.

The kids mostly left him alone, only Max and El bridging the gap and actually speaking to him. Max had been determined to see Billy through his recovery, glaring at him and watching like a ginger hawk while he did his physical therapy, practicing his grip and moving buttons from one bowl to another.

El would sometimes talk to Billy in a hushed voice. She would get him on his own and hush words like Papa and Mama and bad and Billy would have to retreat to his bedroom for slowly decreasing amounts of time.

Nobody but Joyce and Hopper knew what she saw in Billy’s head. They were just informed that he wouldn't be returning home after his two-month stint in the military hospital. Max hard clenched her jaw and nodded jerkily and nobody dared ask any further questions.

He and Will traded a lot of good mornings and tended to generally avoid eye contact when they came across one another in the house.

But none of them hated him, they were just a little weary.

Mike, on the other hand, had some unexplained vendetta against both Billy and Steve and Will found himself willing Mike to be kind in this moment. To not see this as some power over them, or something.

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Dustin’s right. We protect each other.”

Steve gave them a smile that was so dazzling and bright, it almost gave off its own light.

His eyes were shining and he gave a watery laugh.

“They really meant it when they said children are the future.”

“Who said?” El asked him.

“I don’t know, actually. Just people, I guess.” Steve shrugged, jostling Billy who was still nestled in his shoulder. “Look, seriously guys, thank you. I can’t even imagine how I would’ve felt if-nevermind.” He cut himself off quickly, shaking his head. “It just means a lot. To both of us.” Steve smiled at them one last time, this time much softer and thoughtful. “You’re good kids.”

Nobody said anything else. They didn’t know what to say to Steve.

“I came back here to get my fireballs. I, uh, I got ‘em.”

Everyone looked back at Will, and, almost like they were coming out of a trance, began picking their makeshift weapons back off the grass, and chattering idly as they went back to the yard in order to continue their battle.

Will lingered for a second, looking over his shoulder at Steve and Billy, who were still wound together.

They were talking softly, and Will was pleased to see Billy lift his head back up, still looking pale and nervous, but smiling at Steve.

He leaned back down and planted a kiss on Steve’s neck, right above the edge of his t-shirt.

Will felt his face go hot, and tugged himself away, going back to the game.

It wasn’t until well after dinner, when everyone else had gone home, that they spoke about it again.

Will. Will! Do you copy? Over.

The static rasping of Mike’s voice through the walkie-talkie was coming from under Will’s bed where he had stashed it.

He quickly turned down the volume dial on the side before answering.

“Yeah, Mike. I copy. Over.”

“We need to talk about today,” Mike said through the walkie. “I mean, did you have any idea? Over.”

“No. I didn’t,” Will said, truthfully. Finding out had made a lot of things clunk into place, but that doesn’t mean Will knew. “Over.”

“It’s just, neither of them seem the type. You know? Over.”

Something about that statement didn’t sit too right with Will.

Before he could respond another voice crackled through the channel.

“This is gold leader joining the conversation to let Mike know he’s being a dick. Over.”

Will laughed. Trust Dustin to listen in on the conversation and come forward to defend Steve.

“Lucas, do you copy, too? Over.” Will waited a moment after he asked.

“Yeah, I copy. I wanted to hear what you all were saying first. I don’t really know what to think about all this. Over.”

“I don’t think there’s much to think about. Steve seems happy. Billy too, I guess. Over,” said Dustin.

Will’s heart swelled with a pride he didn’t quite understand at Dustin’s words.

Outside in the hall, the phone rang.

Will heard his mom scramble to pick it up, calling softly down the hall for Billy, and the unmistakable thumping of Billy and his cane coming to take the call.

He heard his mom scrape a chair over for him and retreat to her room, giving him some privacy.

“It’s just scary, you know? Like, something really bad could happen to them if anyone else found out.” Will thought for a second. “You think anyone else knows? Over.”

“Robin. She was making comments to Steve a few days ago about his secret relationship and I kept asking him about it until he punched me in the arm. She knows. Over.”

“I’m just confused,” Mike sighed down the line. “Steve dated my sister for like, a year. And Billy is always disgusting and flirting with my mom. Or at least, he would do that. You know, before. Over.”

“Yeah, that’s just Billy being Billy,” Max chimed in.

“You have to say over when you’re finished. Over.”

“ Fine, dickheads. Over.”

“That makes sense, but Steve and Nancy doesn’t. Over.”

“Lucas, it doesn’t have to make sense. David Bowie says he likes guys and girls. Billy has, like, three different magazines where he says that. Over.”

“Max is right. We don’t have to understand any of this. They seem happy, and good together, and that doesn’t really concern us. Over.” Will was hoping he could speed through the rest of this conversation. He could hear Billy in the hall, shifting and murmuring something Will couldn’t make out but was dying to overhear.

He had a feeling he knew who was calling.

“But, now it does concern us. We know. And as we’ve previously established, the more people that know, the more danger they could be in. Over .” Dustin almost sounded as though he might cry.

“Then, we can’t talk about it. Not unless we know for a fact that we aren’t going to be overheard. And maybe we should give them codenames. Only call them something like Han and Leia when there’s a chance of someone listening in. Over.”

“I like Lucas’s codename idea, but I’d rather die than call them Han and Leia. Over.”

“Okay, Mike, it was the first thing that came into my head! What, you think you have a better idea? Over.”

“I don’t know. Harold and Maude? Over.”

“That’s stupid, Mike. Clearly, they’re Bert and Ernie. Over.”

Will snorted at Max’s suggestion. He heard Billy coughing wildly in the hall. He listened carefully to him until it died down and he knew it wasn’t a bad one.

“I think we’ve come to an agreement. If we need further discussion, codenames: Bert and Ernie. Okay, my mom wants me to spend time with her tonight. So this is gold leader, signing off. Over and out.”

“I’m going too. Over and out,” Mike said.

“Over and out,” said El, not surprising any of them that she was listening in. She did that a lot. Simply listen to her own walkie, and when asked why she didn’t say anything would shrug and go nothing to add. They only asked that she sign off so that they knew she got whatever information they had discussed.

Everyone followed with their own sign-offs, and Will twisted the top knob on his walkie, shutting it off.

There was a moment of silence out in the hall, and then three beats on Will’s door.

He found Billy on the other side, slumped in the chair under the phone, his cheeks going red.

“Can’t get up,” he grunted. “Can’t reach the hook.”

Will didn’t say anything, nodding quickly and avoiding eye contact as he took the phone, placing it carefully back on the hook.

Billy got stuck in chairs fairly often.

His core muscles had been slashed up worse than anything else, and sometimes he just needed a good pull up.

Will took hold of his wrist, leaning his body weight backward to yank Billy to standing.

Billy kept his weight heavily on his cane, patting Will once on the upper arm in thanks.

“You guys know Steve has one of your little walkie-talkies, right?”

“ What ?”

Will genuinely didn’t know that.

“Dustin gave him one. I don’t know when, but he’s got it.”

“So, uh, so he heard. Everything.”

“And relayed it all to me through an embarrassing amount of tears, by the sounds of it.”

But Will could see that Billy’s eyes were brighter than usual in the dark, and suddenly Will remembered that there had been a wet spot on Billy’s sleeve.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I mean, well, you’re good kids. All of you.” Billy patted him on the shoulder again. “I was shitting myself out there when you found us. Thought for sure one a’ yous would go squealing.”

“Maybe we would’ve. Before.”

“Never thought I’d be grateful for nearly being turned inside-out.”

“And I never thought I’d be grateful for being found dead in the water, but here we are.”

“Yeah, shit’s pretty weird if you stop and think about it for a few minutes. Near-death experiences really put your sexuality in perspective.”

“Is that why you two started dating? Perspective?”

Billy huffed a breath, looking up towards the ceiling. He coughed twice, and Will could pretty much hear his lungs rattle and crackle.

“Yeah. ‘S why we started dating. Both of us kinda realized there’s no sense in feeling like shit about the things that can actually make you feel not like shit.”

“So, you’re in love? Both of you?”

Billy’s cheeks were flooded with color, the deep red spreading all the way back to the tips of his ears.

“I think so. We’re both a little too fucked in the head to say it, but,” he shrugged lamely, not bothering to finish his thought, and looking anywhere but at Will.

He gets it, though.

Fucked up parents make for fucked up kids.

Will considered himself the luckiest person on Earth, and any kinda parallel universe, that he had his mom to stop, and later heal, all the damage his dad had caused.

“Well, I’m glad that you have it. Both of you. I mean, we saw you guys. And after everything, it's good that you’re happy.” And Will meant it.

Even before last summer, he had never seen Billy look the way he did when he was kissing Steve. Look that calm, and relaxed, and that goddamn happy. It really meant something.

Especially to Will.

Because he had never thought of someone looking that happy when they kissed someone else.

He had never thought of a boy looking that happy when he kissed another boy.

Billy surveyed Will for a moment, still leaning heavily on his cane in the hallway.

Will had the suspicion that Billy could see right through him.

“He came to visit me a lot when I was in the hospital. Steve, I mean. I don’t know why he did. It’s not like we were friends or anything. But one of those days, when I was barely awake he started talking about everything that happened those couple days.” Billy shifted closer to the wall, bracing himself with one hand as he lowered himself back into the chair. “The Russians. I don’t know what he’s told you kids, but it wasn’t pretty.”

“He hasn’t said anything. I mean, we all saw how he looked after, so we figured maybe he got in a fight.”

Billy chewed on his bottom lip.

“Look, you gotta swear not to tell any of the others this, but, uh, it was a bit more than a fight.”

Billy was giving him a meaningful look and something churned around in Will’s stomach.

“Torture?”

Billy gave a tiny, shaky nod.

“He started talking about it. Said after that, he started thinkin’ about shit different. Said he thought he was gonna die down there and that nothing would change without him. It was heavy, and I was mostly feeling the same way, and I think that’s why he told me. Knew that I could get it. After that he kept visiting, and I noticed that I didn’t hurt as much when he was there. Or maybe I did, but having him there, squinting at the t.v. ‘cause he can’t see worth a’ shit, or making some stupid comment about a nurse on the floor just made it easier. He makes a lotta shit easier.”

“I think that’s what it should be like. I don’t think love should make things harder.” Will thought of his mom and dad, and how different she acted with Hopper.

Like she didn’t hurt as much when he was there.

“It was hard in the beginning. I mean, before we got together. I thought that he didn’t feel the same way, you know? That I was just being an idiot, feeling like that for my best friend. But then he told me. He’s always been a lot braver than people give him credit for. Anyway, he told me, and it should’ve been fucking terrifying. And I was scared of people finding out. Still am, but it’s like, even if we get run outta town, and everyone we care about turns against us, it’ll be fine because we’re not just me an’ him, we’re us .”

Billy blinked quickly, almost as if he was surprised by his own words.

They clanged around in Will’s head.

We’re not just me an’ him, we’re us.

“You don’t have to be scared, though. I mean, of people finding out. Of turning against you both. We won’t let that happen. Not about something like this.”

Billy gave him a weak smile.

“I guess it makes sense. I mean, you all took me in after killing half the town. Tracks that you wouldn’t throw me out for. Being gay.”

“There are worse things to be than gay.”

“Psycho killer not one of them?”

Will gave Billy as unimpressed of a stare as he could muster.

“That wasn’t you. You forget, I know what it was like to have him controlling me. I know what it’s like to not do anything to stop him, even when you are fighting with everything you’ve got. I nearly killed my mom. I even might have, if I’d been stronger. You fought against him, and in the end, you won. I never could’ve done that.”

Billy just stared at the wall slightly above Will’s left shoulder.

“I killed people, too. When he had me. Led a whole group of people right into a trap. And it still scares me what he did. But I know that it wasn’t me that did it. It wasn’t you that did any of that, Billy.”

“I tell myself that. Hell, Steve tells me that about every five minutes. Just hard to watch yourself doing that awful shit and not be able to tell your body to knock it off.”

Will didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t.

Billy was right. It was a nightmare watching yourself hurt people around you, feeling like you were in the backseat, screaming at yourself to stop.

But Billy had done what Will couldn’t’ve.

Right at that last moment, he stood up to the thing controlling his every move.

Stood up to that horrific flesh monster, adn died rather than let it kill El.

El, who he didn’t even know.

And then Billy’s bedroom door down the hall opened slowly, and Steve poked his head into the hall, swearing under his breath when he saw someone in the hall with Billy and trying to duck out of sight, knocking the back of his head into the doorframe and swearing again.

Billy laughed, a low wheezy laugh that ended in a short coughing fit.

“Real fuckin’ subtle, Harrington,” he choked out.

The door opened once more and Steve stepped out into the hallway, trying to look casual.

“I didn’t realize it was you there, Will. How’s it goin’?”

Billy laughed again, and gestured for Steve to come and help him stand up.

Steve did so quickly, smiling warmly at Billy when he had righted him on his feet, and keeping hold of Billy’s arm.

“Why are you sneakin’ in my window like some kinda perv?”

“Because I wanted to talk. I have a lot of emotions today.” Steve turned to address Will. “You kids are gonna be the death of me. And I mean that in the nicest way I possibly can.”

“Yeah, well. You guys are family.” Will shrugged, feeling very awkward when both Steve and Billy. Looked as though their eyes were overbright. Will panicked, trying to think of an exit strategy before he saw either of them cry.

He had seen them both in too many intimate moments today.

“Um, I’m pretty tired, so I think I’m gonna go to bed. Let me know if you need, uh, help tomorrow. You know, heading of my mom or anything.”

Will turned on his heel and slipped back into his own bedroom.

“Alright, Bert. It’s been a long day and I’m gonna need some help getting into bed. My legs have gone totally stiff.”

“Oh, in no way am I Bert! I’m totally Ernie. You’re Bert. Think about it: you’re surly, and rude, and-”

“Gonna dump you if you don’t shut up and help me go to bed.”

“Spoken like a true Bert.”

#the big schmoop #yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove #i thinkg this was for #harringrove for palestine #but i really can't remember #idk merlin donated some money somehweere and i wrote this 💕

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emee13 · 3 years

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Diary day 1

So my classes ended like a month ago, I passed my exams, but my mom didn't think I could make it so she made me take extra classes where I was learning gardening, cool.

I'm afraid of wasp, I've always been and always will be, and I cry every fxxking day because I wanna drop out of that extra classes since I passed my exams, but

What did my mom say to me?

-"If you drop out you aren't allowed to use anything that's electric

Oh, thanks mom, my anxiety is so much better now

The point is that I got stung by a wasp on monday, my leg was swollen and this bxtch says: That's not a wasp

Good to know miss doctor (irony) who wasn't even there.

So today I went to a real doctor and told me it was in fact a wasp, and I had to go to the emergency room (to get a stupid exculpatory so I could continue with my extra classes that I don't want to take) by myself because my mom was SO busy drinking her coffee she couldn't come with me.

Thanks for always taking care of me 🤡💀

#anarexcya #ana diary

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richieisabastardman · 4 years

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Hold me now - Part 7 (Richie Tozier x Reader)

Summary: You had forgotten about everything that happened in Derry until Mike called you up. Now, sitting in the restaurant surrounded by your friends, you remembered everything. More importantly, you remember Richie. (Fluff/Angst)

Word count: 1413

Warnings: Swearing, Implied sexual stuff

Note: The next part will be the last part (though I will probably do drabbles every now and again related to this story cause I’ve enjoyed writing it so much).

Link to first part (which will lead you to the other parts)

Soft fingers trace lightly upon your naked back. Your head, which was resting lightly upon Richie’s bare chest, moved gently with his breath. He was singing along quietly to the song playing from his phone (Def Leppard’s “Hysteria”) which sat on your bedside table. Both of your eyes shut, the two of you were taking in the bliss of being able to hold each other in your arms.

“I can’t believe you give me shit for my taste in music when your post-coital choice of music is Def Leppard” you mumble into his chest, smiling at the face you imagine he is making at your comment.

“Okay first of all, don’t ever use the word coitus again” he piped up and you laughed. “Secondly, you love it. Don’t lie”.

After having your lunch and conversation at the diner you had decided to come back to the motel and look for the others. When you arrived, the motel was empty. After a few anxious calls, you found out they were okay, but dealing with their own totems still. Naturally, a few moments after this and the relief that came with it, you and Richie had ended up in bed together. Again. ‘Making up for lost time’ Richie had said, and you agreed.

You were now laying across his naked chest, feeling the heat of his body against your cheek and relishing in his touch. You tried not to think about how you may never get to do this again if things go badly in the next few days. The thoughts still lingered despite your efforts. Their volume within your mind got a little bit quieter however whenever you felt Richie’s feather light touch upon your back, writing letters and words you couldn’t quite make out.

Richie took your hand that was resting upon his chest into his own and kissed your palm softly. You hummed happily at the feeling and you felt him smile against your hand.

“Did you ever want to pursue anything with Eddie” you asked suddenly but cautiously, and you felt Richie shift to lift his head to look at you curiously.

“What?” he asked.

“Like… did you want to… be with him?” you clarified.

“You mean, instead of being with you?” he said, and you could see that the suggestion of such a thing insulted him slightly. He wasn’t sure how much more he could do to prove his feelings towards you.

“I just mean… if you could be with him, would you?”

“Eddie’s always going to be the first guy I ever felt something… strong towards. And I’m not going to lie and say that coming back here didn’t bring those feelings back up. But you asking me if I’d rather be here with him right now instead you… well it would be like me asking you if you’d rather be laying in here with Bev” he laughed.

“and how do you know I don’t want to be in bed with Bev right now?” you joked.

He laughed again. “I mean I wouldn’t blame you… she looks great” he replied, and you lifted your head to look at him, mouth agape and slapped him lightly on the chest. He feigned injury, but quickly smiled at you again, saying “not as good as you look though”.

You rolled your eyes but reached up to kiss his lips anyway. He kissed you back softly and slowly, his lips soft and light against your own. He let out a soft sigh and you grinned against his lips, causing him to move in for another kiss.

“Have you ever dated a woman?” he asked against your lips, your eyes still shut from the kiss.

“Is that what you were thinking about just now… as we’re making out?” you asked.

“We were kissing, not making out” he said seriously, and you rolled your eyes.

“Richie.”

“Fine. Yes.” He confessed.

You sighed and moved to lay back on your pillow, facing the ceiling. Richie moved to his side to stare at you, tucking some of your behind your ear and away from your face. You looked towards him, eyes wide with love. You could see his eyes mirrored yours.

“I had a girlfriend in college” you said, and you could see his eyes light up for a moment. Richie was holding your hand, playing with your fingers as you spoke. “She was a film studies major”.

“Naturally” he replied, and you frowned playfully at him, but quickly smiled again when he grinned at you.

“She moved to California about six months into the relationship. We tried to do long distance, but it just didn’t work out” you explained.

“I’d say I’m sorry to hear that but… her loss is my gain so…” Richie said and leaned forwards to kiss your lips again. He moved his kisses over to your cheek and then your jaw, slowly making his way down your neck. You moaned softly and you heard him let out a deep breath, trying to control himself.

“Teenage horniness is really not something I thought would come back to me when I came back here” he laughed lightly into your neck. He began to position himself on top of you, letting his naked lower half rest on top of your own. You could feel that he was semi-hard already. So soon after your last session as well. He continued to kiss and suck at your neck and you giggled at the sensation, feeling him smile against the skin of your neck.

“Maybe you should tell Eddie” you said suddenly, and Richie stilled on top of you. He moved up to look you in the eye, his brows furrowed.

“Oh, you totally just ruined the mood” he groaned, moving to lay on his back next to you.

“Sorry” you cooed, and he just huffed, turning so that he was on his side and his back was facing you.

You cuddled up closer to him, resting your face against the skin of his back, between his broad shoulders, and placed an arm around his waist.

“I just mean… I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few days… even the next few months. And I also don’t completely know the extent of how you felt about Eddie.” You sighed “But what I do know is that telling you how much I loved you back when we were kids was really like… healing for me”.

Richie was unmoving for a moment before he turned back over to face you. He slung an arm around your waist and kissed your forehead lightly. “Are you saying you don’t still love me?” he mumbled against you and you slapped his arm lightly at his joke. He was trying to deflect with humour, as he always did. But you wouldn’t take it right now. Not regarding this.

“You’re right” he finally said. Though you couldn’t see his face, as you had moved to bury your face into his neck, you could tell he was serious. “I’ll talk to him”.

You smiled and you hoped that he was smiling too.

Suddenly a man’s voice, Ben’s you were sure, boomed loudly from downstairs “Y/N!? Richie!? You guys here”.

Richie groaned and released you from his grip, quickly racing out of his bed and putting on his briefs before jogging to his room’s door.

“Yeah! Be down in a second” he yelled out of the door, opening it only enough to get his voice to reach the man downstairs but still hide his semi-nakedness. “I also didn’t realise that coming back here meant that just like my teenage years, I’d be constantly interrupted when I had a girl in my bed” he joked with you after closing the door behind him.

He walked from the door to his bed again, realizing quite quickly that you were strangely quiet. The look he saw upon your face was once of immense fear. It was probably what his own face had looked like after his encounter with It earlier that day.

“You know what everyone being back here means” you said quietly, looking up at Richie from the bed.

“Were going to have to go….have to go kill-“ Richie began to answer.

“It” you finished. Your throat was suddenly far too dry as you tried to swallow down a swelling feeling within it.

You watched Richie stare at you as thought he was trying to commit all he was seeing to memory. You did the same.

Tag list (if your tag isnt hyperlinked, you need to change your settings so you can be tagged in things!): @felicityofbakerstreet @emiliesnowflake @itsfuckinemily @adritozier @the-almond-dinger @brenna-xoxox @fionnthebandersnacc @simplymaddii18 @pinkdiamonddoingthings @frog-face-wolfhard @hair-dye-or-nawh @jutte-m @whosaskinguniverse @imagine-whatever @smokyscreen @sloppybitchardtozier @marlopoe @meaganjm @thexmancometh @letmereid @twitchmoosen @jojo-buttercup @gamingaquarius @sweetotismilburn @socially-unaccepptable-dameron @ggclarissa @nerdychics @donteatmycookiesplease @cable-kenobi @abeck566 @eleventhdoctorsangel @kydrogen-monoxide @bxtch-kiss @darkcrystal-wolf @srtafarrell @merrynewtmasx @idjitdestiel

#richie tozier x reader #richie tozier imagine #richie tozier #bill hader x reader #bill hader imagine #it 2019

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dictiondictiondiction-sorrybae · 4 years

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ateez !!

idk if you meant to post it on both of my pages, but HERE WE GO! lol

**copy/pasta from my sideblog**

do i already stan them? ABSOLUTELY!

my bias + bias wrecker: I’m so soft for ateez, and a dumpster fire trying to decide my bias for longer than a week lmao... I THINK I’ve finally admitted to being a honjoong stan, but yeosang and wooyoung have been creeping up hard for the spot! my wreckers are san, yunho and mingi mainly, and a bit of hwa... sorry baby boy jongho, you’re still too young for this old hag

first time I heard of them: omg it was literally only JUNE. ikr, I’m completely broken and obsessed with them in three damn months

when I became a fan: they popped up on my recommended youtube videos for their “try not to react” where they couldn’t sing or dance, and I INSTANTLY fell in love with joong, mingi, and san. from there it suggested their “drop the dance” dance relay, and I knew from there I had to stan!

favorite (and least favorite) title track: oh gosh, you want me to choose just one?? I guess if I HAVE to choose, I pick thanxx, illusion, and wonderland as my top 3! I honestly love all of their songs, but again if I HAVE to choose a least fave it’s treasure (but I still love it!)

favorite (and least favorite) b-side: oh geez again, y’all know I’m an indecisive bxtch look at my bias list okay! b-side faves I’m going to go ahead and choose to the beat without a doubt! also mist, precious, and win... literally there’s no skips when it comes to ateez tho. my “least favorite” is probably sunrise or star 1117: I still love them, they just don’t make me feel any type of way when I hear it

favorite (and least favorite) mv: I am horrible at watching mvs! I usually just watch dance practices and performances lmao... I guess my favorite is illusion bc I love their styling for that song the most! esp joong and hwa like W H E R E can I get those outfits... least favorite? idk treasure I guess bc I can’t even remember what it looked like besides in the desert. I think? lol

favorite (and least favorite) album: hands down favorite it the new one, zero:fever part 1! it’s so pretty, and every song makes me feel things! tied I think though for first is ep.3: one to all. honestly again I am indecisive bc I love ALL OF THEM.... least favorite is shift the map bc I don’t care about remixed versions of their songs...

a concept i wished they’d try: say it with me my atinyarmy: DIOR.ATEEZ. imagine mingi is hoseok’s dior ‘fit, or hongjoong in yoongi’s *chef’s kiss*

what i like most about them: E V E R Y T H I N G G G. I literally couldn’t have been more happy with accidentally stumbling upon these chaotic dummies; from their stage presence to their vocals to the RAPLINE BEING FLAWLESS to their adorable and chaotic personalities. they also seem like the most caring for everyone they encounter and I see how every show they are one people light up in their presence and seem to genuinely enjoy having them around them, and are constantly praised by how they take care of their staff. I can keep going on and on about the things I love about these boys but that would probably annoy y’all asdfghjkl okay I’m done lmao

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andreaalexis · 4 years

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ateez !!

do i already stan them? ABSOLUTELY!

first time I heard of them: omg it was literally only JUNE. ikr, I’m completely broken and obsessed with them in three damn months

a concept i wished they’d try: say it with me my atinyarmy: DIOR.ATEEZ. imagine mingi is hoseok’s dior ‘fit, or hongjoong in yoongi’s *chef’s kiss*

#wonderl6nd #ask #ask game #k-pop #ateez #my babies I absolutely love them

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glambitions-a · 4 years

Text

hunger burns through you, and yet you stay.

prompt: what if doug had told on the core four after they spelled ben? (featuring the imprisonment of a prissy pink princess) i made this post a while back about this fic.

tags (open): @cherry-bxtch, @cosmosstarstudio

a gloomy day on the isle is everyday, but today there is something in the polluted air that hasn’t been here in two months, opportunity. it was only here once before, when the letters came. but the four of them were alerted far too late, they were whisked away as soon as the villains came to a decision. (which apparently took a week) and of course, even with the immense pressure the four children were placed under, they failed. they fucking failed.

but today, there is rumor of a tower in the thick, dark woods and apparently, an auradonian is enclosed inside. mal doesn’t believe that, it’s obviously a lie, nobody from auradon would ever come here. and there’s no way out to take somebody away. it’s bullshit is what it is, but no matter how many times she had told her mother, she insisted that the four of them (once again) put themselves in danger to satisfy her.

and the truth is, mal hasn’t talked to any of them since they were thrown back into the barrier. and she assumed that each of them will be covered in bruises by the time she sees them again. (well, evie less so but she’ll have no meat on her bones and frail as can be.) mal hasn’t spoken to anyone since the coronation, the most she does is growl if someone gets too close. she doesn’t even have the energy to go outside for a long periods of time, let alone fight with uma about turf.

so, mal sends her mother’s henchmen (her own had been snatched by uma, and she can even find them laughing at her if she sees them. nobody is scared of her anymore, and she doesn’t even care.) to get the three of them, and she half-expects them to refuse. she can’t threaten them anymore and she certainly wasn’t their friend anymore. when the four of them had gotten back, mal had told them that all of this was their fault. (she definitely didn’t miss them or anything, that would be pathetic.)

on the contrary, she hears the henchmen talking about that the three of them were practically shaking. (and together but that hurts a little too much so she ignores it.) they were telling her mother that the ‘jafar boy’ had tried to threaten them but it had fell flat.

she had laughed it off and pretended like that was so funny, but really her stomach twisted. if jay couldn’t even threaten anyone, had mal really gotten the worst of it. yeah sure, her mother degrading her self worth felt sort of bad, but was it worse than what jay got? the three of them hadn’t been friends forever, carlos was always a target and evie became one too. and jay and mal sorta’ had this ‘mutual bully’ thing going between them. they never really talked about their parents, but mal saw the bruises and the lack of food. and she heard evie’s ramblings about the other’s parents, just not her own.

today, her mother instructed her to go to the hideout to get them and then go see the tower. mal hadn’t found a way out of this yet, it seemed maleficent had new allies, so eyes were everywhere.

mal hates the feeling of dread pooling in her stomach, she felt like it has to be a trap. when she arrived, evie was twisting her hands together nervously and carlos was shaking next to jay as said boy tended to the cigarette burns on the younger’s wrist. their eyes snapped to her and evie made a move to get up but she stayed still, as if she just remembered they couldn’t hug anymore.

“are you guys ready?” her voice is clipped and neutral. she’s met with silence and curt nods, and everybody's looking at her with wide eyes. “good, the woods are pretty far from here but i think once we get through those we’ll be fine.”

“fuck you, mal.” jay was giving her a dirty look and carlos was tugging at his sleeve to get him to stop talking. but jay just wrapped an arm around the boy’s waist to pull him closer from where he had tried to run away to, “fuck you for coming back after two months and deciding that we have to go back to being your stupid fucking mind slaves.”

mal hears the tiniest ’jay please stop’ from carlos but he stands up but pushes him away making the younger squeak. “you don’t get to do this shit.”

“actually jay i can do whatever the fuck i want.” her tone is pure venom, and the faint warmth in evie’s eyes fades as her brow furrows. she looks at evie, pale as can be with bony hands. she wants so desperately to hold them in her hands with the tenderness of a princess, but she thinks she’d snap them in half.

“no you fucking can’t, uma is sending her wharf rats for our asses and nobody takes us seriously anymore. unless we can score whoever or whatever is in that fucking tower, we’re so dead.”

mal growled and stepped forward, and of fucking course jay stood up to meet her, sizing her up. evie stood up at this and fisted her hands at her sides, “that’s enough!” mal and jay turned to look at her and she took a deep breath, “okay, jay’s right. if we’re ever gonna get any of our power back, we need to go to the tower. so can we please go?”

jay gave her a look that said, ‘i’m not backing off until you are.’ and mal shot one right back. evie must’ve taken notice because she stomps her foot and crosses her arms. “guys!”

the taller boy puts his hands up in surrender and walks backward to get carlos up and off of the ratty couch. (he flinches against him, what had cruella done to him this time?) evie makes a move to put a hand on mal’s shoulder, but instead she hesitates and brings it back down. mal pretends not to notice the pang in her heart.

it only took an hour for jay to whine about how hungry he was, and how conveniently they were nearing the smell of rotten fish and salty water. “shut the fuck up jay, i’m not risking my life in uma’s turf just because you need a snack.”

jay snarled, “i’m not the only one that needs something.” mal hears a tiny gasp from evie as she hisses something at him, “you know eve’s mom doesn’t feed her, and carlos hadn’t had time to do his chores, so both of them are starving. to be fair, i’m not even hungry, but they are so i’m going to put up a fight for it.” he looks at her with a nasty gleam in his eyes, “because i’m not a selfish bitch like you.”

mal huffed, she had tried not to notice the bones seemingly poking out of the skin on evie’s and carlos’ frail bodies. but she wouldn’t let them go hungry now that she knew for sure. she groaned,”fine, but we have to steal rags off to keep hidden. we don’t have the resources to start a turf war right now.” she turned on her heels, trying to act like she’s still in charge and she didn’t just act out of pure pity.

the other three nodded (jay had a stupid little smirk on his face but she chooses to ignore that) and followed behind her, which results in her feeling the warmth of familiarity. sure enough, jay disappears and comes back with dark colored cloths big enough to cover their bodies.

the slop shop was too far away, and mal knew enough that carlos and evie needed food that could hold them together. and despite how sick it made her feel, the only real option was ursula’s fish and chips. mal doesn’t like the taste of fish, but on the isle you really can’t hate any foods. she’ll deal with it as long as it keeps her alive. and unlike her, carlos has thrown up eating stolen fish before. even smelling it could make him hurl. but evie had been trying to teach him how to hold it in, even if it didn’t work.

their faces were hardly visible, so to be fair they could’ve faked accents and snuck into the restaurant. but instead they went around to the alley with the intention of stealing something from the crates that the staff kept at the back.

nobody was there to witness (although mal was in a bad enough mood that she would’ve wanted to beat someone up) so that certainly made things easier. jay was currently trying to break open the wooden boxes evie was leaned against the wall keeping watch, carlos was somewhere and mal, well, mal was fiddling with the switchblade she kept with her.

carlos’ capture was completely unplanned. it happened all too sudden with maniacal laughter and a squeak from the small boy that now had a hook held to his throat. jay had nearly jumped on the older teen that had carlos, but he wasn’t without injuries, and therefore he faltered.

“oh jay, looks like you’ve lost your touch.”

ʚĭɞ | if you want to be on my taglist, all you have to do is like this post. i had so much planned for this chapter but i wanted to keep it shorter because i kinda liked the way it ended. - rory

#and finally their wish was granted series #mal descendants #evie descendants #jaylos if u squint!#jay descendants #carlos descendants #carlos devil #evie grimhilde #mal bertha #descendants fanfiction #fanfic #my writing #core four

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hiddenwritingsintheworld · 6 years

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Where You’ve Been Part 11

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Feedback

-One Week Later-

“Come on Cas, why wont she let me see her?” Sam asked standing at the front desk. “I’ve come here every day for the past week.” Cas sighed and pulled Sam over to sit on a bench. “Listen Sam, I know that you think visiting her everyday will help. But… right now? It won’t. She needs away from everyone. She has to re-find herself, and life and feelings before she can even think about you or love. She needs to heal.” Cas said softly. “I think it would be in, both yours and her best interest if you just… moved on with your life.” Cas told him quietly.

“So, Y/N… how are you today?” Elle asked sitting in the hard metal chair in your room as you sat curled up on your bed, your arms around your knees. “I’m fine. My minds quieter now…” you mumbled staring off toward the window. Elle nodded and wrote in her journal. “Sam tried to visit me again…today.” You said. Elle nodded “I saw him on the way here. You seem like it bothers you some that he’s trying to visit, does it?” she asked as you shrugged your shoulders. “I… I can’t look at him….” You sighed “I feel like he… like he didn’t care about me. Sam hurt me…I caught him cheating on me. Why does he even want to see me?” You asked looking at her Elle nodded and put her pen in her notebook and sat it down on her lap.

“Right after high school, I met this guy at this wild college party. He was…god, he was everything to me. We moved in together and got engaged. Little did I know, he had a whole other life with 4 children and a wife already. I came home from college classes one day and his wife was waiting at our house. We talked and she told me the whole story. I felt naked to the world, like I had my outer shell stripped away and that the whole world could see all of me.” Elle sighed. “He tried for months to see me and talk to me. When I met Cas at a psychology convention, I didn’t trust him for month. One night when we came home from the movies, he was sitting on my front porch and stood up. Cas had gotten me to open up about him and… Cas gave him a run for his money. Told him if he didn’t leave, he’d make him. That was the first time I realized how much I loved him.” She smiled softly “But it almost cost me Cas…the issues he gave me in that previous relationship.”

You looked at her frowning some. “Don’t think that Sam is using you, Sam loves you so much.” Elle said smiling. You sighed. “I still love him so much that I wonder how I’m not mad at him. He-he yelled at me…accused me of cheating on him… told me that…that I deserved everything I ever got. How can I still…want to crawl in his arms?” tears spilled down your cheeks as a sobbed wrecked your body. Elle wrote down what you had said before looking at you.

“I think that the emotional distress you’ve been through began to affect him as well.” She said as you looked up at her. “You two are so connected that when your emotions go up his go up and when yours go down, his go down. And vice versa. These emotions did a number on both of you. This separation…I find it healing for both you and Sam.” She smiled a little.

You finished your session and began to draw in your notebook. The first think that ran through your mind, was how Sam was doing. You want to see him but you knew that it wouldn’t be healthy. You both needed to grow separately before you could possibly begin to grow together. Sam had been your everything at one point; and now you needed to be your own everything. You needed to find your own strength and no depend on anyone to pull you up from your darkness. You needed to learn how to do it yourself.

Every day at noon, Sam would park his charger out front and lean against the side drinking coffee and watching the windows, praying you’d give in and see him.

You would look out and see him knowing that you could never talk to him. At least not while you were dealing with everything else.

Weeks passed with small progress in your sessions and Cas was beginning to worry. This week, Cas had decided to sit in and listen to you and Elle. “This time Y/N... I want to talk to you about that night on the cliff. Why did you want to jump?” Elle asked you. You stared out of the window as the snow fell. “Dying seemed like the only way I could escape it all. Before that night I had Sam. Even angry, I felt like… he pulled me back and that day I was headed home to tell him. Tell him about everything; Then… I saw him with her. The perfect blonde hair, pretty, unbroken smile. She could make Sam happy, happier than I ever could; So, I ran. Then… I could hear Ryan in the car telling me how it would never end. He’d always be there… and I knew he couldn’t hurt me if I just killed myself.” You said watching the snow. Each flake was large and puffy. You held onto the blanket on your lap, the coldness seeping into your bones.

Elle looked at Cas who stared at you. “Y/N…I want you to write Sam a letter. Tell him how you feel and everything in your heart.” Cas said as you nodded. They stood, leaving the room as you grabbed your notebook and pen.

“I’m going to head out and grab some Chinese for dinner tonight. Sound good?” Elle smiled at Cas. He nodded and kissed her. “I’m going to finish a couple of things then I’ll be home.” He smiled and kissed her goodbye before walking off to his office. Once he sat down at his desk, he reached for his recorder, only instead he grabbed his phone and dialed a number he hadn’t dialed in years. “Hey, it’s Castiel Novak, I need your assistance again.” He said quietly.

You stared at the blanket paper in front of you. How were you going to write Sam a letter if half of you didn’t want to do this, you wanted to heal on your own. Not with Sam’s help. Then it dawned on you. That was exactly what you needed to do. In order for you to be free, to openly heal, you needed Sam to be free too.

‘Dear Sam,

I need you to move on… you need to be with Jess. She can make you happy. I want you to forget you ever met me and be with her. Neither one of us can move on heal if you keep clinging to what I used to be. You’re a great man and deserve someone who isn’t fucked up. Someone who you can marry and have babies with. Someone who you don’t have to worry about. I’m not that girl. I can’t promise I will ever be her again either. You be with Jess and be happy. Get married and have lots of pretty babies. Keep teaching and spread joy in the world. I love you. Take care of yourself Sam.

Love Y/N’

@ellen-reincarnated1967 @jodyri @teamfreewill-imagine @adriellej @growningupgeek @justanotherdeangirl25 @mrssamfuckingwinchester @thequeenofgood @thebunkerismyhome @smoothdogsgirl @sdavid09 @sammysgirl1997 @extreme-supernatural-lover @dontsassmecastiel @percussiongirl2017 @evyiione @gleefinn @oriona75 @wonderless-screwup @peaceloveancolor @jayankles @oneshoeshort @laundry-deturgent @love-your-little-thingss @booger206 @pillow223 @winchesterprincessbride @speakinvain @traceyaudette (GUYS PLEASE REMEMBER TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO BE TAGGED!)

@slightlyexpiredyogurt @nosleeptillbucky @sabrielplease @summer-binging-spn @moonstar86 @sgarrett49 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @angelsandwinchesters @nxrd-bxtch @gerardwaysleftfoot @myblackparadehaswifi @angelbabymed @padasteph-nie @sizzlingbearpolice @moonlitskinwalker @superhero-lover101 @justkeeny @chrisevansisdaddy04 @georgialouisea (GUYS PLEASE REMEMBER TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO BE TAGGED!)

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moose-and-sqruille-lover · 6 years

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SPN: the next generation episode 8

Pairing: Dean x daughter!Katie, Sam x daughter!Reader, Katie x cousin!Reader, Sam x niece!Katie, Dean x niece!Reader

read more: pilot, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

A/N 1 : Yeah its a little sooner that always but today its a special because its Katies birthday ! hope you like it ! @winchesters-favorite-girl

A/N 2 : So a little sooner than usual ! Hope you enjoy it !

Sleep, one of the important things your body need. Katie in the other hand can’t get sleep, the last few days Katie woke up at night thinking about the deal. She would hear the growling coming from the hounds or see her family in danger, running through the woods trying to escape the monster behind her.

“NO ! Leave them alone !” Katie screamed through the whole bunker. Dean heard her scream and got out of his bed, running through the halls and went to Katie’s room and saw his daughter trying to catch her breath and slower her heart rate. Dean came closer to her and sat on her bed, he sat there just a second and he already got Katie clutching at him for dear life. “It’s okay, I’m here for you nothing is going to hurt you. I would never let that happen.” Dean said when he rubbed her back. Katie got out of the hug and looked in her father’s eyes. “Dad, could you please stay until I fall back asleep ?” Dean nodded and pulled the covers over her shoulder and stroked her hair.

After Katie fell back asleep, Dean got back to away his own room but he was thinking about what happened. “It’s been a few days or now weeks that she can’t sleep or when she does find sleep she have those nightmares… What’s going on ?” Dean thought, he went in his room and got back in bed, he was ready to close his eyes until he remembered something. “Tomorrow it’s Katie’s birthday !” he smiled and fell asleep.

The next morning

The whole bunker was quiet, everyone was still asleep but not Y/N. She was already busy with baking and getting everything ready for Katie.

Your family don’t do birthdays but this time you would change that. When you hunted together with your best friend Amber you would do your birthdays from time to time. You didn’t spoke with your best friend in quite a while but with what happened those last few weeks you weren’t up to talking to anyone. But you want to change that and hunt with her again.

You put some oven gloves on and got the pie out of the oven. You placed the pie on the counter until you heard someone entering in the kitchen. You looked in shock when you saw it’s was your dad that came in. “Wow, calm down kiddo. It’s just me.” you chuckled and got back to work. “How long have you been up ?” he asked. You looked over to the clock. “I woke up at 4 am or something.” you said. Sam’s eyes went wide. “Why so early ?” “Uhh, the pie don’t bake itself.” you lied but Sam didn’t take it. He always know when you lie. “Kid you can lie to the victim’s family but not to your family.” you sighs. “Okay, I couldn’t sleep. That is all” it looked like he took it but Sam knows better. “Let me help you.” he said as he went to stand next to you.

Dean was getting ready but not Katie. Dean was on his way to the bedroom until he stopped in his track. He saw that her door was open, he took a peek in her room and saw his daughter still sleeping. He shook his head and followed his track again to his bedroom.

After Dean was done he walked over to the kitchen seeing his brother and his niece busy making pie. “That was what woke me up” he said with a smile. “Sorry you need to wait, until Katie wakes up.” he looked at you disappointment in his eyes. “Sorry, Dean” Sam said.

Dean was sitting with his coffee at the table while you and Sam were busy cleaning the kitchen. Everything is now ready. “Should I wake up Katie or are you going to do it ?” you asked your uncle. He was already on his feet and walked over to Katie’s room “I’ll do it !” he said over his shoulder.

Dean walked over to Katie’s room and found her still lying in her bed, peaceful. He sat on the edge of her bed and shook her shoulder gently. “Hey kiddo, wake up. It’s your birthday and trust me there is pie and it’s smells so good so please wake up.” he saw a little smile on her face. She woke up. “Morning” she mumbled “Morning sleepyhead, come on, get ready Y/N and Sam are already waiting for you.” Katie got out of her bed and changed in her favorite flannel she got from her dad.

Together they walked over to the kitchen but Katie was so quiet. Dean pushed her shoulder a little. “Hey bug, what on your mind ?” he asked, she gave him a smile. “Nothing just thinking about how good the pie will taste.” she lied but Dean bought it. They entered in the kitchen seeing Y/N and Sam with a present in front of them and a pie in the middle of the table. Y/N stood up and hugged Katie. “Happy birthday, Katie !” she said and gave her a smile but it faded right away. “What’s wrong ?” she whispered in her ear. “Nothing you should worry about” she whispered back. You looked a little unconvinced but decided to ignore it. You and Katie joined your fathers at the table. “What do we first ? Presents or pie ?” Dean said excited. “Let’s start with the present.” Katie said only to tease her dad a little. Sam gave his one and with excitement Katie opened it, she saw a beautiful pocket knife. “This one is beautiful ! I’m happy that you got me one because on our last hunt I lose the one I had” she said while she took it out of the box.

The next present was from you. You gave it to her and she opened it. She got out of the box a beautiful picture frame with a picture of the both of you. “Ahh, Y/N thank you so much.” she stood up and gave you a hug. “I think we can eat some pie now” you said. Right at that moment Dean took the knife and cut the pie in slices. You looked over to your cousin and she just shrug her shoulders. the four of you just ate the pie in silence until Dean broke it. “I forgot to give my present.” He exclaimed and stood up and dug in his jeans pocket. Out of his pocket was a little box. He handed it over to Katie and she opened it. Its was a necklace with a star on it. “I love it Dad, thank you.” she hugged her father.

The rest of the day went smoothly everyone ate the pie and had fun. Dean looked over to Katie and saw that she was worried or not here with her thoughts. “What wrong, bug ?” Dean asked. “Oh, nothing.” she said. “Katie, this is the second time today, there is something wrong. You know you can tell us anything right ?” Katie looked a little frustrated at Dean. “I know but there is nothing, okay !” she almost yelled at him. You and Sam didn’t want to be a part of it but you knew Dean was right, there is something wrong with Katie. “Katie, are you sure ?” You asked carefully. “Yeah, for a hundred time, there is nothing wrong, damn it !” Katie yelled at you. You never heard her so frustrated. You backed up and run to your room. Katie followed with her gaze and once you were out of her sight she focused her eyes back on her hands.

Her hands were shaking. Dean saw how she was focused on her hands, he carefully put his hand on her shoulder to let her look at him but she slapped it right away. “Don’t ! Just leave me alone !” she yelled. “Katie !” Katie ran to her room and shutted her door. Dean followed her to her room and tried to open it but it was locked. “Katie ! What the hell is going on with you ! Let me in then can we talk about whatever this is !” but Katie didn’t take it. “Just leave me alone ! There is nothing wrong !”.

“Fine ! I will leave you alone, but be sure we will talk about this once you leave your room, young lady ! And for your today behavior, no hunt for a month !” Dean screamed and stormed out of the bunker to cool of.

forever tag: @winchesters-favorite-girl @evyiione @sisterwinchesterwriter @captainemwinchester @ecari-chan @attackonjackson @percussiongirl2017 @infamati–et–obliterati @lauren-novak @stressedoutkitten @random-superwholock-images

SPM: TNG tag: @fangirlingfanatic2442 @soullessbabee @bands-and-shietz @nxrd-bxtch @keepingthingsbeautiful @meadow-melody

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ellacinz · 6 years

Text

Here we go again...

It's hard to open up in a world full of judgmental people. But the brave do it every fucking day and I admire them all. They are their most authentic self and I admire it. I've learned that too much worry can be a disease. A disease called anxiety, and well, I choose not to live there anymore.

I chose to share my story in the most authentic way I can. My hopes are to tell you my worst so you can be your best self. I hope to share the stories of those who inspired me, so that you too can be inspired.

I've always had a fear of failure. A few weeks ago I went to another CreativeMornings event and the speaker of the month was Rob Stewart. He said he learned that fear was FALSE. EVIDENCE. APPEARING. to be REAL. And that if you don't address it the fear manifests and it comes out in unhealthy ways.

And for me it did. It caused me to smoke, a lot of weed (for me). I used weed as a way to 'treat' my anxiety, instead of it being something I did socially. I used to smoke because of the inspiration that I got from it, but slowly it became a way to mask my anxiety. I gained about 20 extra lbs going through that. And it was embarrassing. But I just simply tried to forget and isolate myself, which was unhealthy.

But I am slowly but surely taking steps to combat anxiety. One of the first steps I took was eating better, I decided to become a vegetarian. I don't know why I decided to become a vegetarian, I am probably the most anti-vegetarian you've ever met. I pick meat out of a salad and once all the meat is gone, I am done. Honestly, I really don't like vegetables at all. But shit I'm 30 years old, type 2 diabetes runs in my family, and I'm pretty fucking unhealthy right now. So I thought why not try to give up meat and see how I feel? I see all these vegans and vegetarians on my timeline saying how much it's changed them. How their body feels, how it can combat anxiety, and how it helps weightloss..I thought, why not?

By day three I was feeling the results. I was energized, and I felt good; I wasn't bloated- and you might think three days is pretty skeptical, but just let me tell you honey, I love meat. I love the fat off meat. I fucking love the asian pork rinds with the fat and grease on it. Me and meat are like yin and muthafuck-yang. So yes, after three days of not eating meat I felt SO good.

The next step I took to combat my anxiety was to surround myself by people. Volunteering has caused me to get out my shell and get around people. I've tried to go to more networking events and I've really enjoyed, CreativeMornings + The Blog Bloc. I've had the pleasure of coming across the same introverts who are attempting to get out of their shell too. It feels warm, welcoming and inspiring to be around people who are similar to me. I've come across people, who are my people. It made days where I wanted to isolate myself and ignore everyone- less isolating and bright. These events have gotten me to just trust my gut and speak up. Share my ideas. Share my thoughts. Because I have some really good ideas and to not let the anxiety keep me quiet.

However, don't get me wrong... a little isolation is never bad. But too much isolation is never good, because if you have nobody to share your fears and anxiety, how will you ever truly know that your fears are simply just false evidence?

Connections are important; in Rob's talk, he said, "when you share your fears with others, it helps YOU, but it also sets that person free; and they they realize they are not bat shit crazy." People need to be around people to combat anxiety. It helps. It works. Talk to people. Share your story. And listen.

I remember having so much anxiety when I began dating my husband. Just hearing my co-workers anxieties and thoughts about relationships would honestly put mind at ease. I know it's hard to share in this world because you don't know who is genuine and who actually is there to hear your faults and laugh behind your back, but there are genuine people in this world who care, and when you find those people, cherish them.

For about 2 years I've been working on putting together a book featuring my blog entries, all the way from 2004. Here's a little bit about me if you don't know my back story:

I've been a blogger since I was 13 years old. It started off with a site called boi-nk where I shared my personal thoughts and photos. I was on livejournal.com, 730 forums and kthxbi.com. Back before blogging went mainstream a lot of bloggers would design their own layouts. I used it as an opportunity to express how I was feeling, authentically. I was wild, crazy and unapologetic as fuck. Fast forward to a few years later, in 2009, I started up my own t-shirt line and blog Free Bxtch Island, and began my career in marketing at a Cannabis Club in Sacramento as their marketing manager. As I got towards my mid-twenties I found myself outgrowing that wild, crazy and unapologetic self and became more professional. It was also hard to have a brand that lugged the word "bitch" around. I felt like it had a bad connotation with women, and that it was outdated with the new me.

In 2011, I was on my professional hype, I was getting ready to graduate from college and I felt as if I needed to be a bit more professional, if I wanted to get my feet wet in the marketing industry. So I cleaned it up a bit and focused on my career for about 2 years. I moved my way up from marketing intern to creative lead and decided that while I work my way up on the ladder, I needed a creative outlet. Although I was designing graphics and websites, doing what I always wanted to do; I realized that I still missed writing.

About two years ago I decided to go through all my journals from 2002 to 2013. I began to sort them out and categorize my thoughts, inspirations and lessons. After sorting through them all I decided to release my first book, Good Girl Gone Free.

My hope is to inspire young women to chase their passion, live life authentically and forget about the mistakes they made, and will continue to make. Along the journey of finding who I am (and I'm still doing that btw, it never stops) I was inspired by so many stories, speeches and books. I hope to create something that my daughter can pick-up when she's older and be inspired from.

I am not perfect. I am still growing. But I've come a LONG, LONG, LONG... way from where I was. And I'm ready to share my story. I hope to release Good Girl Gone Free by 2019. But for now, I will be sharing book updates and sharing my life again, right here. It's time to not be had by my thoughts of being judged and to live authentically, again.

"...so don't let unaddressed fears and anxiety block your blessings. You can have thoughts and worry but don't let yourself be had by them."

- Rob Stewart

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nikky-the-writer · 7 years

Text

Torn apart (Steve x Reader & Bucky x Reader)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

A/N: This is the last part, thank you so much to everyone who stuck around, you guys are the best and my inbox is always open for everyone ;)

Summary: AU

Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both man and now after two years she is coming back.

Warning: swearing

You overslept, not hearing the alarm clock. It was becoming more frequent so you aren't surprised when Rhodey came into your room without knocking.

˝Come on sleepy head. Your dad is going to kill you. It's the third time this week. ˝ Rhodey moved the curtains from your window letting the sun in. He was your uncle's friend who always took care of you. ˝Quickly get up, breakfast is on the table, but you'll eat it in the car. ˝

You slowly crawled out of your bed, washing your teeth and just putting your shirt on your pajamas pants and sports bra seeing that is already too late, you grabbed your jacket and throw it in your bag.

˝Come on Rhodey, we will be late! ˝You ran down the stairs and he followed with a plate of waffles behind you.

˝Shit, shit, forgot my shoes. ˝ Rhodey grabbed a pair of your shoes locking the house.

˝We have ten minutes. ˝ Rhodey turned on the siren and you start eating quickly. Your first class was with Mr. Colson, who never tolerated being late.

Arriving at your high school, you jumped out of the car, looking at the clock in the hallway you saw that you were two minutes late. You ran through the hallways holding your last waffle and turning the corner you bumped into someone falling on the ground.

˝He's safe. ˝You yelled happily holding your hand in the air with your waffle.

You were feeling so tired that you thought that you are going to fall asleep again moving your hand back down to eat, but then you heard a voice.

˝Are you okay? I mean are you sure you're in the right place? ˝ You recognized the voice. Slowly opening your eyes, you knew that he was talking about your pants. So what if they had cows on it?

˝Jackass. ˝ He offered you his hand to get up, but you just rolled your eyes at him.

˝Sorry didn't mean to hurt you. ˝

˝Like you could hurt me. If you are here, does it mean that Coulson locked the door? ˝ Bucky nodded and you kept sitting on the ground. Bucky stared at you and you furrowed your brows. ˝What? ˝

˝Nothing, I just... you are... ˝ Bucky sat down next to you and you faced him.

˝What? ˝

˝You are you, while everybody else is trying to be somebody else. ˝

˝Well we are who we are and quicker you accept that sooner you'll be happy. ˝ You smiled and he sat next to you.

˝Are you happy? ˝

˝Happy? I don't know. If I was really happy, I don't think that I would ever ask myself that. It's a funny thing, happiness. It can disappear in an instant. ˝

˝What do you mean? What's going on with you? ˝ Bucky cared about you, he was your friend and you usually shared everything with him.

˝My parents got divorced. I don't understand it, they are still friends, they laugh together. We still live under the same roof. Shouldn't love be forever? If not, why should've even bother, just to be happy for awhile and then sad? Is it worth it? ˝

˝I sometimes wish that it's not forever, it's too painful, especially when it's one sided. ˝ You were staring at the ground, missing the way that Bucky was looking at you.

˝Don't be dramatic Buck, I will always love you. ˝

Dear Bucky,

It's been four months since I last saw you. I did something terrible that day. I know that we make mistakes every day. Some small and some big that change our life. Sometimes we try to fix them and mostly we fail. I don't regret being with you, I regret the reason why it finally happened. I needed you to hold me for a final time, I needed you close to me because I knew that I will leave. The words that I said after, you didn't deserve them, you didn't deserve anything that happened to you. You are a great man, a supportive friend. I understand why you kept the truth away from me. Since we were kids, you were always trying to protect me. But how could I ever learn if I don't try? If I get hurt, it would be my fault, but now you are feeling guilty and you shouldn't. I know that I will never send this so I can at least tell you everything. Two days after I came to Nat, I had a panic attack, at least I thought it was and then I fainted, it happened on the streets. I never told Nat about it, but it was actually a heart attack. I should've known, my chest hurt and I couldn't breathe. I'm scared. When I woke up you were the first person that I wanted to call, but then the doctor told me I was pregnant and that I shouldn't stress. My heart was weak and that the stress would make everything much worse. I didn't know what to do, I waited for too long. I didn't want to hurt our baby so you will probably find out about it after I give birth.

It's been so long since I saw you, I missed your bright smile and that clear blue eyes. I miss you, but I shouldn't think about you. What was between us is gone, I destroyed it with my actions. I hope that you are happy, it would be a shame if you stop smiling. It would be a bigger shame if you are still waiting for me. I don't deserve you and your love. I don't deserve a man like you. I want you to be happy and to find someone who will give you what you deserve, something that I never could. I was never the one that you needed, but I did love you and I still do, that will never change.

Sincerely yours,

Y/N

PS. I wish I could've given us a happy ending, but some people are never meant to be together.

Bucky laid the piece of paper on the nightstand next to the picture of you and him when you were younger. His son was sleeping on his chest. Bucky bit his lower lip, trying to control himself. His eyes were red and his tears were falling down his chin on his son's hair. It's been three months since the accident and there weren't a night when he wouldn't read the letter that Natasha gave him.

˝You weren't right Y/N/N, we were meant. I wish that I told you when we were younger. ˝ He whispere tracing the picture with his index finger.

For the first time in his life, he felt completely alone. He lost you a few times, but he would rather lose you to somebody else a million more times than knowing that he will never see you again.

Tag list:

@whatthehellisacastiel, @hardboiledegg21, @aboveaverage-fangirl, @mitra-k-w,

@allyp1023, @mizzzpink,, @38leticia,, @de-dentro-pra-fora, @petlaufeyson, @shelvesandwhelves, @nessy-bearxb, @mxnchurixn-plums, @de-dentro-pra-fora, @tremilyteapot, @hollycornish, @barnesandnoble13, @aya-fay, @raisaioana71, @nxrd-bxtch

#Bucky Barnes #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagines #marvel imagine #marvel x you #marvel x reader

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disableddisaster · 7 years

Note

do em all

200: My crush’s name is: thats classified information

199: I was born in: edmonton!

198: I am really: gay asdfasdf

197: My cellphone company is: bell!

196: My eye color is: blue!

195: My shoe size is: 5W

194: My ring size is: ive literally never worn a ring asdfasdf

193: My height is: 4′11

192: I am allergic to: sooo.... much........ so much

191: My 1st car was: never had a car!

190: My 1st job was: ive cleaned a cottage once a month w my mom since i was like 12

189: Last book you read: hp and the philosophers stone :-)

188: My bed is: comfy and big

187: My pet: i have 5! 4 cats and a dog, flinty is my favourite boy, my son

186: My best friend: U!

185: My favorite shampoo is: the last shampoo i bought i bought cuz it had rainbow letters asdfasdf

184: Xbox or ps3: the last console i owned was a ps2

183: Piggy banks are: useful?

182: In my pockets: i have no pockets im wearing pj shorts adfasd

181: On my calendar: whos organized enough to use a CALENDAR

180: Marriage is: gay and beautiful

179: Spongebob can: die

178: My mom: is the best i love her so much

177: The last three songs I bought were? i use spotify premium :O

176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mAErcv38Go its ukrainian dancing asdfa

175: How many cousins do you have? 6??? im only in contact w 3 tho

174: Do you have any siblings? a sister and a brother

173: Are your parents divorced? my mom isnt w my bio dad anymore but they were never married

172: Are you taller than your mom? NO :(

171: Do you play an instrument? nope

170: What did you do yesterday? skyped my babies @to-andromeda and @irwinglasses for the first time in AGES[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: no

168: Luck: no

167: Fate: no

166: Yourself: NO ADFDSF

165: Aliens:

164: Heaven: idk!!

163: Hell: idk!!

162: God: yea

161: Horoscopes: hmm........ yes

160: Soul mates: yes!!!!!!!

159: Ghosts: YES

158: Gay Marriage: im literally a lesbian

157: War: asdfadsf what

156: Orbs: what.....

155: Magic: i wish :(

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: kisses 4 sure

153: Drunk or High: drunk

152: Phone or Online: uhhh online? i think asdf i dont understand

151: Red heads or Black haired: red heads :-)

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: summer i guess but its way too hot

147: Autumn or Spring:

146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla!

145: Night or Day: night!

144: Oranges or Apples: im allergic to both

143: Curly or Straight hair: curly :O

142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcds ew who eats at burger king

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: white!!

140: Mac or PC: PC!

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops asdfasf

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: i hate this question fuck off

137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi!!!

136: Hillary or Obama: wheres my canadian politics question

135: Burried or cremated: cremation

134: Singing or Dancing: dancing !

133: Coach or Chanel: what

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ...........whom asdfasdf

131: Small town or Big city: big CITY

130: Wal-Mart or Target: target was cool but they closed down here

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: whom....

128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure!! feet are gross adsfadf

127: East Coast or West Coast:

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: my birtjday for sure

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers!

124: Disney or Six Flags: disney i think idk ive been to neither adsfad

123: Yankees or Red Sox: a what[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: bad

121: George Bush: also bad

120: Gay Marriage: im gay

119: The presidential election: donald trump can kiss my gay ass

118: Abortion:

117: MySpace: i have no strong feelings on this

116: Reality TV: i dont have cable

115: Parents: i love them

114: Back stabbers: uhh bad

113: Ebay: i ordered 5 rubix cubes off ebay for my brother once

112: Facebook: hell site

111: Work: who likes work asdfasd

110: My Neighbors: theyre all old

109: Gas Prices: pretty low rn!

108: Designer Clothes: pointless

107: College: scary !

106: Sports: what is a sport

105: My family: i love my parents and my siblings v much

104: The future: uhh............ scary[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: like 2 days ago

102: Last time you ate: i ate a sandwich a few hours ago

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: i saw u does that count

100: Cried in front of someone: last tiem i cried was in front of U!!!!!!

99: Went to a movie theater: emoji movie B)

98: Took a vacation: i went to the rockies on thurs!

97: Swam in a pool: i........ have no idea

96: Changed a diaper: its been a while theres no babies in my life :(

95: Got my nails done: i dont think ive ever ??? wait nvm high school graduation

94: Went to a wedding: my parents wedding when i was 5

93: Broke a bone: never!

92: Got a peircing: i got my ears pierced in like 1999

91: Broke the law: i didnt wear my SEATBELT yesterday

90: Texted: i currently am texting

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most:

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:

flint......... :(

87: The last movie I saw:

the emoji movie adfasdf

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:

this is gay but my gf coming back from vacation asdfa

85: The thing im not looking forward to:

school AAAAAAAAa

84: People call me:

shy

83: The most difficult thing to do is:

exist

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:

my driving record is FLAWLESS

81: My zodiac sign is:

LIBRA!

80: The first person i talked to today was:

like actually spoke to?? the cashier at the grocery store

79: First time you had a crush:

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:

literally everyone

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:

idk

76: Right now I am talking to:

the cats im cat sitting

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:

fuvck IDK

74: I have/will get a job: i just quit my job lol

73: Tomorrow: i have no plans

72: Today: i went grocery shopping

71: Next Summer: prolly gonna be hot

70: Next Weekend: redacted comes back from vacation :O

69: I have these pets: 4 cats and a dog!

68: The worst sound in the world:

a cat in heat or dry paper towel adfadf

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: fuck idk im an emotional bxtch

66: People that make you happy: redacted, u, emily, my mom,

65: Last time I cried: ln adsfadf

64: My friends are: gay and i love them

63: My computer is: cool it has a touch screen

62: My School: grant macewan

61: My Car: nonexistent

60: I lose all respect for people who: r homophobes

59: The movie I cried at was: noooo fucking clue it was w redacted tho

58: Your hair color is: brown!

57: TV shows you watch: none!

56: Favorite web site: cats.com

55: Your dream vacation: nyc for like2 weeks in a fancy hotel

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: im chronically ill asdfasd i dont know

53: How do you like your steak cooked: in the garbage can

52: My room is: messy

51: My favorite celebrity is: keyboard cat

i dont feel like answering the rest adfasdf

#gaysun

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hiddenwritingsintheworld · 6 years

Text

Where You’ve Been Part 9

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Feedback

WARNING: THIS IS A HUGE TRIGGER WARNING CHAPTER.

Beep.

Your eyes fluttered open to see the cold white walls of the hospital. You had heavy blankets on your body, with an IV in your left arm. You slowly looked around the room; your vision was slightly blurry, causing you to not recognize the dark-haired woman standing at the computer off to your right. “Oh, you’re away. I’ll let your family know they can come in and see you now. They’ve been so worried about you.” She smiled and walked out before you could even respond. You laid there wondering what exactly had happened.

Your back smacked against the frigid water; it rushed around you engulfing you like a heavy black blanket. Your eyes closed and you saw Sam, grinning down at you, his eyes sparkling in the light. “You look so beautiful. I’ve been waiting for you baby,” he pulled you close as he rest his jaw against your temple. You pulled back looking at him before you looked around, you were both in a field with the sun shining on you. You were in a simple white tulle sun dress while he wore your favorite red flannel with his dark washed jeans and boots. You hugged his waist feeling like you hadn’t seen him in months. “Your time here will be short” he whispered kissing your head as you started moving away from him. “Sam? What’s going on? Where am I going?” You asked as he held your hands moving with you. “You’re going home baby…” he grinned kissing you.

The door slowly opened and Sam came in slowly, with Castiel behind him. You looked at them before looking away; flashbacks of Sam and that woman going at it like…like he used to do with you before you became this disgusting-

“Y/N?” Sam asked sitting beside your bed. You closed your eyes, unable to look at him. He’d never hurt you before and now what could you say to him? You swallowed softly and looked at him slowly. “Can I talk to Castiel…alone?” you mumbled. Sam’s eyes flashed with hurt, pain, confusion. “It’s okay Sam…we’ll only be a minute,” Cas put a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go grab some more coffee?” he said as Sam looked up at him “But Cas…” Sam started but he should his head. “You’ll come back in, in a few minutes.” Cas promised. Sam sighed before getting up and walking out closing the door behind him.

Cas sat next to your bed listening as you took deep, shaky breathes. “It’s okay Y/N…” Cas whispered. “He raped me…. almost every day and I couldn’t stop him. I scrubbed my skin raw to try and wash him away, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep without seeing his face or feeling his breath on my neck when I closed my eyes. I couldn’t stand the idea of Sam even touching me.” You sobbed covering your face. “He was right. Sam was right Cas, I am this disgusting whore who doesn’t deserve to continue to live. Uncle Ryan was right. No one will love me, no one deserves to put up with the stupid, pathetic whore that I am! The problems…. that…. that I have.” You sobbed before feeling Cas’s arms around you as you turned your face into his shoulder and just completely broke down.

Cas texted Sam and told him to come back in. He knew you’d finally hit rock bottom and what you truly needed was Sam. Regardless of what he’d done, or what had been done to you. At that moment you needed comfort and that’s exactly what Sam was.

Cas slowly moved back as Sam came into the room and walked over to the side of the bed, swiftly taking Cas’s spot, your face burying into his chest as he looked at Cas with panicked eyes. “Y/N…I think it’s time you tell Sam what’s been going on…I’ll go get some coffee. We should talk later alright?” he whispered before leaving the room. Sam held you close as you finally started to calm down.

“Y/N…what was Cas talking about?” Sam whispered, his tone was numb, like he knew the truth would be something that would destroy the both of you. You swallowed back a sob as you moved away from him, biting your lip. “That new history professor…. he’s……it’s my uncle Ryan.” You whispered softly as your focused your gaze on the wall in front of you.

Sam tensed up at the sound of his name. “I never wanted you to get hurt.” Your voice was hollow and your eyes were empty. “You’re uncle Ryan?” Sam whispered. “Yes…my…uncle Ryan.” You whispered. Sam watched you with concern in his eyes. He held you in his arms as he scrunched up on your hospital bed with you.

“He raped me…over and over…. he did things to me-I know you think I cheated on you and you have every right to hate me. But I couldn’t tell you. He told me he’d kill you if you knew anything and if something were to happen to you. I’d never forgive myself.” You said as the tears spilt over your lids, staining spots on Sam’s grey t-shirt.

“I tried to get clean Sam, I scrubbed and scrubbed but I couldn’t….” he pulled you against his chest tighter as you cried, his own tears spilling down his cheeks. How could he have been so fucking stupid. You were… you’d needed him so badly and how was he there for you? Drowning out his self-pity with whiskey and sex from Jess.

Jess.

You’d never cheated on him; he’d just cheated on you. He’d let you hurt all alone; Sam rocked you both for a while, calming you down before you fell asleep. He carefully crawled out of bed and talked to your doctor out in the hallway.

“Sir, you believe your fiancé has been raped?” she asked him. “Yes…. when she wakes up please talk to her about a rape kit.” He pleaded. The doctor sighed and nodded. “Alright,” as she walked away a sight caught Sam’s eye.

Cas was standing there talking to a tall, curvy woman with unruly hair. She was dressed in a cream-colored sweater with dark washed jeans and a pair of brown boots. They seemed like they knew each other well. Sam walked toward them to talk to Cas when another sight caught his eye. Ryan. Walking toward your room with flowers.

Sam felt his skin burn hot, his heartbeat began taking over his ears as he lost all control of his body and his vision went black with rage.

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hiddenwritingsintheworld · 7 years

Text

Where You’ve Been Part 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

The drive to the drug store took longer than you thought it would. First there was road work, which made you turn around and go another direction. Then as you got halfway there, there had been a traffic accident. Slowly driving upon the accident, you saw something. A young woman, who looked like you. Her hair and eye color were the exact same as yours. She was just standing there, she wore a black dress that was covered in flowers with a light pink sweater over it. The wind moved the bottom of her dress, as the breeze passed.

She wasn’t crying, or upset even; she just stared at you. You looked around to see if officers or paramedics were going over to her but no one seemed to notice her. As you looked back in her direction you couldn’t see her anymore. Glancing around to see if she’d gotten any help, you were finally able to see the accident. A truck was smashed up and lying on its side, and a little red car was flipped over about five feet from it. There was a body laying half out of the small car, it was the girl. In the floral dress.

An older woman was screaming from the side of the road, trying to get to the car, but officers held her back as two paramedics covered the girl with a bright white sheet. She’d been cut up from the broken glass and you could see how broken her body was before they covered her.

Your hands shook as you drove to the drug store; you’d just saw a dead body. That could have been you. Would Sam cry for you like that when your body is found? Will he even notice your gone? You grabbed your purse and climbed out of the car.

As you walked around inside you found the isle you needed and began your search. But there were no sleeping pills anywhere. You sighed and walked over to the pharmacy and smiled softly at the associate. “I’m looking for some sleeping pills. Do you happen to any in stock in the back? The shelves out here are empty.” You said glancing back toward the isle. “We had this big sale yesterday and sold out. We won’t have any more in for about two weeks, I’m sorry.” You quietly thanked her and walked out to your car.

As you walked, you felt the tears coming back. You were so pathetic you couldn’t even kill yourself right. Just as you got in your car, you saw Ryan pull into the parking lot. You realized you’d never be able to escape him. He would always know where to find you, how to corner you somewhere. You locked your doors as the tears rolled down your cheeks; starting your car you backed out and sped off before he could reach your car. As you drove you dialed Cas’s number, your tears dripped onto your shirt causing small wet circles.

If you couldn’t go through with your plan right now, then you’d do something that could make your time left a bit more bearable. “Castiel Novak’s-,” “I’m ready to start therapy,” You broke in as he spoke. “Y/N? Are you okay? You don’t sound-,” “I’ll come by tomorrow. Goodbye.” You hung up before he could say anything else.

Cas leaned back in his chair as he set his phone down. There had to be something going on with you, and not just deep, psychological issues. These problems seemed like old wounds being ripped fresh open. He pulled up the school website and began looking into the staff there since the trouble seemed to begin at the beginning of the year.

For the next few weeks you sat numbly through life. Sam barely looked at you and you never talked anymore. Sam yelled at you again when word got out that you had quit your job. “I can’t believe you!! I got you that job! What are you going to do now? Lay around on your lazy ass and cheat on me some more?!” Sam yelled before he swung his arm out and threw a vase of flowers off the table in the dinner, shattering them against the floor. You jumped slightly as he turned and walked out the door slamming it shut behind him.

Sam had picked up a habit of having some drinks at lunch, his own special way to deal with the pain you were causing him. When he came home that night after having a few more drinks and the feeling of Jess’s body still lingering on his, he smelt dinner cooking and found you on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor where the broken glass had been. As he watched you, he stepped closer, but the sound of his footsteps getting closer only prompted you to get up and go into the kitchen, a few moments later you reappeared with his plate and a fresh cold beer.

You set them on the table and turned back to the bucket to continue cleaning the floors when a gruff voice stopped you. “Eat dinner with me?” Sam asked you gently. You looked at him and could only nod your head before going into the kitchen to get a small bowl of food. You ate for the first time in days and it made your stomach turn. All you wanted to do was throw up. There wasn’t a word spoken between the two of you the entire dinner.

The next day at therapy Cas decided to take a different approach to breaking down your mental wall you’d built up again. “Will you come join me over here?” Cas asked you as he walked over and sat down on the floor by the book shelf. You stared at him as he took his shoes off and tucked his knees up under his chin. You got up off the couch slowly after a couple of minutes and walked over sitting beside him.

“When I was a little boy, my mom was abused by my dad. He never hurt me or my brother. Just my mom when he would get mad. There was this bookshelf in our hallway. I would sit beside it when he would start hurting her.” Cas said staring at his hands. “I know what must be going through your head and I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to start opening up about it.” He said softly.

You stared at your hands, chewing softly on your lip, as Cas shifted beside you. “I want to talk to you about the phone call I got a few months ago. Why haven’t you told Sam?” his voice was soft and quiet beside you. “You just let him think you’re cheating on him. Ryan is raping you, isn’t he?” Cas whispered. You stopped playing with your hands. That was the first time you’d heard it out loud. For the first time in months you looked up and made eye contact with anyone. There was this feeling in your chest, a heaviness being lifted when you looked at him. It was like he could see right into your mind; without thinking you swallowed back a sob as tears filled your eyes. “Yes”

Forever Tag List:

@ellen-reincarnated1967 @jodyri @teamfreewill-imagine @growningupgeek @justanotherdeangirl25 @mrssamfuckingwinchester @adriellej @thequeenofgood @thebunkerismyhome @smoothdogsgirl @Cass-xxo @sdavid09 @sammysgirl1997 @extreme-supernatural-lover @dontsassmecastiel @percussiongirl2017 @evyiione @gleefinn @oriona75 @wonderless-screwup

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@slightlyexpiredyogurt @nosleeptillbucky @sabrielplease @summer-binging-spn @moonstar86 @peaceloveancolor @sgarrett49 @jayankles @oneshoeshort @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @angelsandwinchesters @laundry-deturgent @nxrd-bxtch @gerardwaysleftfoot

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