#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

#warm up #writeblr #i spent a lot of time picturing our future #how funny to think: in each version of our future #i was never myself #i was someone smarter kinder braver #better adept. #who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me #i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me #people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you. #it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy #the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself: #if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay. #for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing. #and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made #it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'. #a few days ago while i was doing something else #i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized . #you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly. #you said: you're doing this to manipulate me. #you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO #SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me. #i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness #you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably

#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call #please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway #so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3' #laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad' #to Me. #in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions #he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye #he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual #he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot #all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically. #meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics #he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time' #'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.' #'....hey wally you can keep a secret right' #and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too #and from barnabys pov its going great! #howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck #so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy #so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart) #that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out. #everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You #and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭' #cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked #so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange #why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No. #so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment #cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it #meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms) #eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega #this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately

[showtoonzfan]

Vaggie in the show really did piss me off, I just…feel bad for the character, like Viv HATES her so much and it shows. For most of the season, she’s just Millie 2.0. Her entire character revolves around Charlie. She exists to help her, to make her dream come true. Without Charlie she’s literally nothing and the show FLAT OUT says that itself in the third episode. I love how during that, she says she doesn’t know who she is without Charlie, but then proceeds to sing about how much she wants to protect her, something we already knew. Like…even Viv doesn’t know who Vaggie is without Charlie and that’s fucking SAD bro. How have you had this character for years and can’t even answer simple writing 101 questions about who they are and what they do outside of their partner/peers. And her having an identity crisis arc would have worked, but the show doesn’t do anything with that concept. Husk says she “hates herself”, and while her exorcist reveal may be the reason to that, the show puts no effort into actually showing us that on screen, cause the writers can’t seem to realize that we don’t know who Vaggie is at all OR without Charlie around. What are her likes and dislikes? What are her hobbies? Interests? None of that in the “female led” show!

Outside of her love for Charlie she’s SO flat and empty, and sadly her VA’s performance plays a heavy part in that cause Vaggie now just sounds so bored and lifeless all the time. Then we actually get to her exorcist reveal and I just know Viv stole this idea from the fan theories and decided to do it at the last minute, because the way it’s handled is so poorly done and lazily rushed. I felt NOTHING during that reveal because the show didn’t give me a reason to care. Not just cause everyone and their momma predicted it, but because there is ZERO buildup to it. Would have been nice to see this secret eating Vaggie up emotionally throughout the season and determined to keep it a secret, but nah…just flat out lay it on us like you do with all your characters Viv. Like….maybe develop the character FIRST before you reveal her darkest secret, and maybe actually show how this secret affects said character so we actually give a damn when it’s revealed.

Then near the end she has a supposed “arc” or we’re of course just told that. The moment Carmilla said that Vaggie was “too bloodthirsty and desperate for revenge rather than thinking of the people she loved”, truly shows how Viv doesn’t understand her own fucking characters despite trying to convince everyone she does. All we’ve SEEN is Vaggie thinking about the people she loves. You’ve shown us nothing else outside of that, you’ve said yourself that her whole purpose is protecting Charlie and making her dreams come true so what the hell was Carmilla saying? This of course would have made more sense if Vaggie was someone who desperately wanted to get back at heaven and we see her rage take over her love for Charlie and her plans, but again….we don’t SEE any of that. If anything all we see is someone who DOES care about the people around her and her actions were always out of love. I also hate how her arrival in hell is in flashback mode, this series is so allergic to taking it’s time, cause these are things you could have made into a full episode within itself, same for her meeting and falling in love with Charlie. Vaggie is a character that’s so easy to make likable and deep, and she WAS likable. But Viv could give less of a shit about her, in the end she ended up being so flat. Love how the joke of her name is that she was given that name by a sexist pig character, yet Viv decided to keep said name for her too that’s SUCH good writing.

#Hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vaggie #vivziepop critique #Hazbin critical #spindlehorse critical

[weebsinstash]

Now don't get me wrong, I like how... calm and unbothered Alastor is, or at least tries to pass himself off as being

but like.... we know he's a drinker.... and we know certain details about him having an alcoholic abusive father who was cruel to his mother which heavily influenced his whole Dexter serial killer morality bs... and I can't help but think of a fic idea where Reader and Alastor are together and, suddenly without warning you break up with him BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HIM. you're like, legitimately heartbroken and missing him but you broke up for a good reason and, time passes and you dont see or hear from him, you're basically just going on with your life, and, MEANWHILE HE'S JUST SLOWLY DEVOLVING IN A PATHETIC LITTLE MEOW MEOW

His radio show comes on and he's SLURRING and people are aghast. Alastor is usually such a classy gentleman, so careful with his image??? Meanwhile he's in his radio station with several glasses of whiskey and staring at a wall lined with your photos while he's broadcasting, "ohhhh hEeeEy LiSteNers!! How-how are you all doing this.... 😡LOVELY😤 evening. Isnt..... isn't it... so nice to... spend time with loved ones when you need them? 🥴 WELL I WOULDNT KNOW HA HAH HA" *cue 30 straight uninterrupted seconds of unhinged laughing from a man clearly having an emotional crisis* "so on tonightsssshow I was-i wasszzz hoping to-to discussss-"

Like imagine tuning into his show after avoiding it because it broke your heart and it turns from him like, having an actual topic and planned structure of his show, to then, one day you overhear a broadcast and he's just occasionally slurring, saying really really vague shit about how "real men are supposed to be strong enough to protect and hold onto those they hold dear" and you can occasionally hear the THUNK of his whiskey glass hitting the table meaning he's already drunk but still drinking WHILE broadcasting and, oh honey you already sound so wasted you don't need more--

You guys don't understand. I want this man having a very PUBLIC very MESSY mental breakdown because he was CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU and you sat him down and told him you love him deeply but you need sex and you've cheated on him REPEATEDLY and EVEN THEN he was HARDCORE COPING, "w well as long as you promise it won't happen again-" "I cant and i won't. I love you but i cant repress this part of myself" LIKE YOU DECIMATE THIS MAN. Alastor's just beside himself because like, not without valid feelings but you're basically dumping him to fuck strangers. Like. I just. What if he literally had a ring box or was starting to realize he's demisexual on the ace spectrum and was starting to have Those Feelings for you and you're just. Breaking up with him, and all he hears is "sorry but having these disgusting men I don't even know hunch over on me grunting like disgusting animals and defiling me who is definitely way too good for them is way better than being with you my respectful funny classy charming totally-not-husband"

I want you to be walking down the streets of Hell and Vox suddenly comes on their equivalent of a jumbotron and he's visibly beside himself with excitement, "BREAKING NEWS, THE RADIO DEMON IS PISS DRUNK IN THE GUTTER LIKE A FUCKING LOSER, MORE NEWS ON THE SCENE" and it just snap cuts to him facedown in the street somewhere. Have you ever seen Intervention. You can have grown ass adults with successful careers and loving communities and when they find something that breaks them you'll be seeing shit like, children finding their mothers literally passed out in the yard because they were too drunk to get into the house or even WALK properly. So. You just. See him in this legitimately pathetic absolutely humiliating state and you can't help but feel that that's YOUR fault, meanwhile Vox is living his best fucking life, GOD FORBID VOX SEES YOU STANDING THERE CRYING ON THE SIDEWALK, he's then broadcasting your crying face all over Hell, "Hey Alastor even your EX is CRYING AT HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE, GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY LEFT YOU HUH" and like. The live feed of Alastor shows him just, struggling to even lift his head to look up to, wherever, and see your image there, looking absolutely devastated, looking at him with pity and heartbreak. oh, his sweet beloved, looking so distressed because you see him so weak...

Vox is just living it up mocking both of you but he's made several enormous mistakes by putting you on the air, especially looking like THAT, especially with Alastor in this mental state, and ESPECIALLY to mock you when you're already looking so broken. The feed cuts. All the TVs read "LOST SIGNAL" and nothing comes back on the news for the rest of the night. Less than a week later, the radios are on again, and Alastor sounds... completely back to normal? Chipper, even? And at first you're happy to hear he's all good and well, but, there's something about some of the things he's saying that are making you a little.... nervous?

"You know folks, it took me an EMBARRASSINGLY long while to realize that, a true traditional man puts the needs of others above himself, and especially the needs of his special somebody! One can't truly care for one's loved one properly if you're too boggled down with, FEELING SORRY for yourself right? How else are you going to... defend what's yours if you just lie down and take it?"

"So while I was off the air, good listeners, I was doing quite a bit of, spring cleaning, let's call it! Yes, I was... unfortunately very busy, having to wrangle up quite a few.... disgusting, insignificant, dirty, thieving PERVERTS!!!! ....but now that that's all good and done with, I'd certainly like to think these streets are a little more... respectable!"

"To end the broadcast tonight, a final word to all my fellow men out there. If you happen to discover that, for whatever reason, your beloved has run off with another? It was because you deserved it for being WEAK. You allowed another man to just, COME IN and... DESECRATE what is precious to you? Disgraceful. Pathetic. Ill-mannered. You cannot call yourself a worthy partner if you simply allow your beloved to waltz themselves into the mouth of danger, can you? So, a little piece of advice from your humble host here tonight: Take back what is yours. Take them back, do not let them go, and do not let anyone EVER soil your love ever again. ........Also hey! Don't forget that the annual Cannibal District Cook-Out is this coming weekend so be sure to--"

#yandere hazbin hotel #yandere alastor x reader #yandere hellaverse #yandere x reader #hh #sinprompts

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I've got a way more fun and much less racist conspiracy theory if anyone wants it: the whole show is Ed and Stede telling the story of how they met and got together to their grandkids while they're babysitting. That explains the over-the-top nature of it, they're trying to keep kids interested in a fun pirate tale.

In real life, Ed and Stede opened up coffee shops right next to each other. Stede's shop had multiple chandeliers, one time Izzy went in and Stede told him to fuck off and Ed was obsessed with that. Ed saving Stede from the Spanish was actually him swooping in to fix Stede's many, many health code violations.

Izzy is still equally as intense as he is in the show ("I was honored to work for the legendary Blackbeard, the most genius part-time Starbucks manager I'd ever known"). He still tries to kill Stede (tries to hit him with his 2006 Chevy Malibu) so Ed fires him. Izzy then just straight up calls the cops on the coffee shop, which is annoying but ultimately doesn't go anywhere because, again, they run coffee shops. Stede has his crisis after Ed admits he's thinking about selling his shop because running it is just stressing him out so he goes back to Mary; they end up finalizing their divorce papers after like 30 minutes.

Ed's feeling bummed and can't reach Stede on social media, so he feels abandoned and reaches out to the crews of their shops for companionship. Izzy threatens to call the cops on him again and he freaks out because he realizes this mean little White guy is totally willing to weaponize that against him.

Ed's "kraken era" in "real life" is just him firing Lucius and then "marooning" Stede's crew by changing the locks on Stede's coffee shop so they can't get in. He tries to force the crew to unionize against him and force him out of the coffee shop he hates running by making them work overtime. He starts talking about making them work a big Black Friday-esque sale and Jim just throws a bag of coffee beans at his head with expert precision and knocks him tf out.

Stede finds the crew loitering outside his shop and they go to sort things out like five minutes later. He finds Ed just fucking face-down on the kitchen floor. They take him to the hospital, Ed has to pretend to let Lucius be his boss for like a week, and for the rest of their lives every time Ed suggests something Jim doesn't like they say "don't make me bean you again, old man."

The rest of the show is them trying to translate how they navigated building their relationship into their pirate fantasy. Characters like the Badmintons and Ned Low are blatant wish fulfillment on old bullies. Season 2 feels rushed because the kids' parents are coming to pick them up soon so they have to hurry. Izzy dies in the show because they just fired him in real life but they wanted to give the kids a moral story but panicked and had to think of an out so the kids don't ask where he is now.

Do I have hard evidence for this? Don't worry about it. Yes, I know I'm a genius, please hold your applause.

#ofmd #our flag means death

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

"get me a damned matcha" | Epilogue

{{ Chapter 25: June III }} Chapter Directory

SURPRISE

who would i be if i didn't end this with a smutty epilogue

✧ pairing ➼ levi ackerman x fem!reader, college x coffee shop x roommates!au ✧ summary ➼ After you find yourself plagued with misfortune due to struggles in your personal and family life, you find yourself needing to move last minute. As a junior in undergrad with little money and little social support, you considered yourself lucky when you found a sublease that was close to campus and was relatively cheap. Unfortunately, it seemed that your roommate did not seem to be so excited regarding your presence. ✧ content/warnings ➼ fluff, levi and reader moving into a house, smut (minors go away), my farewell to this monster of a fic and i am both relieved and crying at the same time ✧ word count ➼ ~2.5k

“I fucking told you it wouldn’t fit.”

“Shut up before I leave you on the side of the road.”

You huffed in frustration as you crossed your arms, glaring at Levi as he struggled to get one of your larger suitcases out of the car. Realizing that there wasn’t a delicate solution to this crisis, you groaned and crawled into the car from the front, planting your foot on the back of the suitcase to shove it out.

Once you saw that Levi had lowered the suitcase onto the ground successfully, you crawled back out, patting at the skirt of your sundress so that it fell back over you properly and to shake off any dirt that you might have stumbled upon. 

You turned around and looked up at what was technically the cause of all your stress just now. You were finally moving into the house that you and Levi had bought together. You had been saving up for it for a while now and finally got everything settled. Now you just had to actually get everything from your old apartment here, which was just more tedious than it was difficult.

Sighing, you brought your left hand up, running your fingers over the engagement ring to ensure that it didn’t get damaged during the rough movement. It was a fairly simple ring with a small diamond in the center, but it was still expensive and had a lot of sentimental value, so you’d be devastated if something actually happened to it.

You looked over towards your fiancé, noting how stressed he was already looking. Levi was running his fingers through his hair to get it out of his eyes and huffed after finally getting the oversized suitcase out of the car and onto the ground.

It had been roughly five years since you graduated at this point, which translated to 5-6 years living in that apartment on campus. Moving into a house was definitely an upgrade, but you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t feel like you were leaving something behind. 

It was a long time coming. The two of you had gathered too many items for the apartment to store, and with your income steadily increasing as you moved on from being students to working adults, buying a house was the logical next step. Your book had long been published and you were currently teaching at a private high school that focused on humanities—something you appreciated. It allowed you to help nurture that type of creativity. Levi had graduated with his PhD, despite his consistent commentary over whether he’d actually be able to obtain his degree or not. In addition to having his own lab, he got hired on as an adjunct faculty at the university. You weren’t connected to the university in any way, but you could already tell that Levi was the hardass professor that all the students were kind of afraid of, but was actually super understanding once someone actually reached out. He fit the archetype, even if he wouldn’t admit to that himself.

You gave Levi a quick kiss on the cheek, gently patting at his other cheek as you began to wheel the suitcase inside, making sure to balance Marmalade’s kennel on it as you rolled both compartments forward. 

Once you finally made your way in through the door, the first thing you did was set Marmalade’s kennel down onto the ground, opening the gate to give him the option to explore if he was interested.

The house was small, but cozy. It still had that ‘new house’ smell and had a neat wooden interior, although it currently seemed quite empty since you had yet to bring in any furniture other than your bed that you just purchased and set up a few days ago. It was going to be stressful having to furnish in addition to preparing for the wedding that was happening in a few weeks.

Your eyes went wide as you were suddenly reminded of the wedding, realizing that your wedding dress was right behind the suitcase that you just wheeled inside. 

You sprinted as if you were running for your life towards the car, panicking as you saw Levi grab onto the garment bag covering your dress.

“Wait, don’t-!” you yelled out as you rushed in front of him, separating him and the dress.

It took him a second to figure out what had just happened, not having expected you to just emerge from the house and instantaneously throw yourself in front of him to act as a barrier between him and your dress.

“What?” he asked with a hint of irritation in his voice.

You took the garment bag and held it close to you.

“No looking.”

Levi immediately rolled his eyes upon realizing why you were so panicked, thinking that the tradition of not being able to see the bride’s wedding dress was absolutely ridiculous. 

“Am I at least allowed to look when I’m ripping that thing off you afterwards?”

Your face immediately flushed up at his comment, being caught completely off-guard by his incredibly suggestive comment. You were momentarily at a loss for words as you tightly hugged your dress, somewhat burying your face in embarrassment.

Upon seeing the smug look in his eyes, you immediately rushed back into the house, taking your dress with you, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of making you all flustered.

Your wedding was going to be small—with neither of you being that big of a fan of large gatherings—but you were putting every ounce of spare energy you had into trying to make it as special as you could. As a result, the two of you hadn’t really had the luxury of spending time with each other. 

After securing your dress in the walk-in closet of your bedroom, you began unpacking the suitcase that you had initially brought in, taking the top of Marmalade’s kennel off once you noticed that he was now exploring the sunroom at the opposite corner of the house. 

Sighing after you finally put away all of the kitchen supplies, you grabbed one of the glass cups, getting some tap water to drink. You scrunched up your nose at the aftertaste and it just further motivated you to drive out and pick up the fridge you had ordered so you could get filtered water.

You set the glass down, looking out the window above the sink towards the spacious yard that had come with the house. The idea of settling down with Levi was overwhelming, but also very exciting. You had never expected yourself to get this far. If you had asked yourself five years ago what you’d be doing today, it certainly would not have involved buying a house with your fiancé and soon-to-be husband.

You had heard him walking in through the door, but still jumped a bit when you felt him wrap his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“You done being dramatic?” he mumbled, planting a gentle kiss at the base of your neck.

Tutting in disapproval, you slightly smacked his arm and tried to wriggle out of his grasp, which only prompted him to tighten his hold on you. It was only when you let out a discontented groan that he loosened up enough for you to turn around so that you were facing him.

“Well, I’m sorry if the one tradition I want to follow is for you to not see the dress, but if you’re really so inclined-”

“You’re so stupid,” he cut you off. “I don’t give a shit about the dress.”

You immediately stopped talking as soon as he announced that the topic that was on your mind wasn’t what was bugging him at all.

“Then what are you-”

You understood as soon as planted his lips on yours, stopping any further words that were going to come out of your mouth. He gently moved his lips against yours as his grip on your hips tightened. Wedding planning and finalizing everything for the move had left you two touch-starved and it was driving the both of you nuts.

Pulling him in further against you, your own lips moved in sync with his, going from gentle loving kisses to something a bit more passionate and needy, with your lips parting more once you felt the tip of his tongue running over them. 

A quiet moan came out of your throat as his tongue met yours and his hands squeezed at your ass, lifting you up so that you were sitting on the counter. Your hands went from gripping his shoulder to running down his chest and over his abs, tugging at the bottom seam of his shirt to prompt him to take it off.

“Here, really?” he mused as he planted some more gentle kisses along your jawline towards your ear.

“You started it, asshole,” you scolded, although you were slightly out of breath, and it was difficult to hide just how much you were needing him right now.

“Don’t be so impatient,” he whispered into your ear, his lips brushing up against your earlobe, sending shivers throughout your body. He grabbed at your ass again, prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist as he picked you up, planting more kisses on you as he navigated his way to the bedroom.

Levi gently set you down onto the bed and held himself over you as he began to trail kisses along your neck, groaning once he heard the little whimpers coming out of you. He weaved his fingers together with yours with one hand, and your breath got caught in your throat as you felt his other hand ghosting your inner thighs, making you realize how much of your wetness had pooled onto your panties already.

Feeling this made his pants feel almost painfully tight and Levi felt that he would soon be the impatient one if things kept going the way they were.

Since you were wearing a dress with a loose skirt, all he had to do was push it up so that it was bunched around your hips, his fingers gently trailing over your sex as he pushed your panties to the side.

You shivered as you felt his fingers begin stroking at your folds, occasionally pressing down with a bit of increased pressure as the pads of his fingers ran over your now swollen clit. You were mewling into him as you continued to kiss him, your hips bucking up towards his hand, your pussy needy for his fingers.

He continued to gently stroke you, with his middle finger pressing slightly deeper into your heat each time. You gasped once he fully inserted his middle finger into you, and then again once he pulled away and pressed his index finger into you as well. Levi watched you squirming under him with lustful eyes, your moans sounding like music to his ears. He hadn’t even begun to do anything yet and you were already well on your way to becoming a quivering mess underneath him.

You gripped at his shoulder with your free hand as he began pumping his fingers in and out of you, hooking and spreading them as he relished in the sounds coming from your pussy that indicated just how wet you were getting for him. That, plus the way his palm would occasionally rub up against your clit meant it was only a matter of time before you’d approach your high.

Once he heard your breathing destabilize and your tight hole clenching up around him, he pulled his fingers out entirely, immediately drawing out a whine from you as you looked at him, frustrated that he didn’t let you finish. 

You watched as he lifted your hips and slid your panties down your legs and off you, using his other hand to unzip his pants to let out his leaky and aching cock. He used your slick that had gathered on his fingers and rubbed it over himself before holding himself over you again, stroking the tip of his cock against your throbbing pussy. 

Levi immediately let out a guttural groan at feeling you against even just the tip of his cock. Getting quite impatient himself, he positioned himself and immediately bottomed out into you, drawing out a louder moan of ecstasy to escape from you. He was heaving over you and you were trembling, grabbing onto his shoulders. He hadn’t even begun moving yet, but you were both so touch-starved that he could’ve cummed on the spot if he didn’t control himself.

One of his hands met up with your left hand, weaving your fingers together as he held it down next to your head. You squeezed at his hand as he slowly began to thrust in and out of you, having felt you on him for the first time in nearly two weeks. His thrusts were sloppier and not nearly as methodical as they usually were and it soon became next to impossible to quiet down your moans.

His other hand traveled down to your clit and began rubbing at the sensitive bundle of nerves as soon as he felt you begin to clench up around him. You whined as you felt yourself approaching your own orgasm again, your chest rising up as your back arched off the bed. He buried his face into your neck, doing a mix of kisses and biting as he began losing himself to the feeling of you around his cock.

Levi kissed at your cheek before speaking directly into your ear, his voice low yet winded from the pent up sexual frustration.

“You have no idea…” he whispered, his hand gripping at yours, feeling the engagement ring on your finger. “...how much I love you and the fact that I get to call you mine.”

You always were weak for those words. You cried out, mumbling incoherent words as you felt your orgasm coursing through your veins, your other hand gripping at his arm as you whined and panted underneath him.

He matched your whines with a deep and low groan as he thrusted deeply into you, feeling his cock twitching as he fucked himself through his own orgasm, spilling his warm seed into you.

Even after he came down from his high, he continued to hold himself over you, looking at you with that soft expression you’d never get used to, his hair slightly clinging to his forehead from the sweat that had gathered. You were both breathing heavily and your legs were now shaking around him.

You looked into his eyes, your pupils dilated in the aftermath of the intensity of your orgasm fading away. His gaze into your eyes was intense, but soft at the same time, and his grip on you, with one hand holding yours and the other holding your waist, was strong and unwavering.

Reaching up, you placed your hand around the back of his neck and pulled him into another kiss, holding yourself there for a little while longer this time, before whispering to him as you placed your forehead against his.

“Love you too, Ackerman.”

I know I mentioned grieving last week, but I'm 100% still on that train 😭 This was the first long-fic that I've actually published in SUCH a long time and I'm so happy for those of you that stayed throughout the whole thing! Writing this was def a journey and I'm in love with these two dumbasses and probably will be for a stupidly long amount of time. Goodbye for reals! Until next time 🫡 ~Kat #: @levisbrat25 @gothgril69 @sckerman @berrijam @notgoodforlife @meowjaa @averysmolbear @roseofdarknessblog @bejewelledd @hhighkey @ayame236 @sad-darksoul @velouria17 @kamyru @l1zk4 @layenacreates @lamees004 @whoami-72 @highgoon69 @chaotic-on-main @levishotgf @nube55 @chosos-mascara @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @v4mp-wife @moonchild-angel @astri-ackerman @auriuswolve @noctemys @you-always-made-me-blush @raginginferno267 @sugurusdiscordmoderator @jennamelinda12 @noodlejitsu @nalu-trashytrash @creigh-h @gina239 @inseongsbitch

#n.sfw #levi smut #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi heichou x reader #captain levi x reader #levi #levi ackerman #levi heichou #captain levi #fics: matcha #modern!au levi #coffeeshop!au levi #college!au levi #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk

[cleromancy]

one thing i think people miss when trying to nail down the like nitty gritty of like-- okay. so post-crisis post-resurrection Jason's a hypocrite, right? and hes purposely fancast himself as the villain opposite bruce in utrh.

but also even while Jason's doing this he *has a point,* and he *knows it.* Jasons got a lot of big moral ideas hes spouting, and from what we see, he mostly only abides by *some* of them. so while you're like acknowledging that utrh/lost days jay is motivated by his emotions and doesn't act in ways that align with his moral principles, but also he *keeps bringing **up** those moral principles*, you start to wonder like. What the hell is going on in that big brain of yours jay.

and what i was getting at. the thing i think most people miss or forget when exploring that. is jasons appearance in outsiders 2003.

im looking through the tpb so im not giving you the exact issue numbers for any of these panels sorry but its 44-46 plus the annual.

but here is the crux of the matter:

cutting for length!!

so whats going on here in outsiders! is that black lightning, aka Jefferson pierce, aka anissa pierces dad and one of the few really good dads in the dcu, got (basically) framed for murder by deathstroke; believed he (accidentally) actually did the murder; eventually turned himself in to serve his time in prison.

jason happens across this information entirely by accident, and goes out of his way to deliver that information to dickie, who has an on-again off-again relationship with being the leader of the outsiders at this point in time. and im just going to post a lot of it, both bc i like it and also so you see what Jason was going against JUST TO DELIVER THIS INFORMATION:

skipping the first page to save images but jason asks dick to meet up with him in Gotham; the next pages:

im skipping a bit of really enjoyable fighting after that as well but pls know its there. jason asked dick to meet up and dick fully said okay ill come to your rendez-vous *just* to beat the shit out of you. and he was so valid for that. but this aint about him so lets get back to jason:

why does jason bring this up + how does Jason come by this information? well

ok. now youre as caught up as dick is.

some times fools and jackanapes say to me. but sisky why would jason do this and bring this information to dick. why would he try to break black lightning out of prison. why would he do such a thing when he is a known knave, neer do well, scoundrel, etc. to which i say HE TOLD YOU!!! HE TOLD YOU WHY HE DID IT

JASON FUCKING VALUES THE *GOOD GUYS.*

(and also sidenote. winick is writing this so we have to assume he knows how competent and resourceful jason can be bc... as the guy who defined the character after his resurrection... he *made him that way.* so based on utrh we have to assume both that 1) jason could have pulled this prison break off solo and 2) jason *knows* he could pull it off solo...

but he also knows he's a Bad Guy now, and he realizes that *if* he sprung black lightning hed just fucking! turn himself back in! so jadon needs to convince some big goddamn heroes to do it....

so he goes to dick.)

((and also secondary sidenote. willis todd canoncially spent enough time in and out of prison that jason assumed hed wound up back there without telling him or catherine before she died and jason wound up squatting, and he only found out otherwise when he read the entry on the batcomputer on two-face.))

the point is. jason has a *lot* of moral ideas he is not, at this point in time, capable of living by for a variety of Jason Reasons, ill do more meta on that some other time. so he's inhabiting the bad guy role, but sometimes he keeps slipping and falling and accidentally caring about things, and...

god damn it dick, black lightning is one of the *good* guys. like *you're* one of the good guys. aren't you going to fucking help him??

i will probably elaborate on this more in the future as well. i just need to hit send rn LOL

#jason todd #dc #text #outsiders #meta

[risetherivermoon]

Remus: i need to talk to Barty

Dorcas: now why would you need to do that?

Regulus: i dont think ive ever heard the phrase "need to talk" and "Barty" in the same sentence before

Remus: its an emergency-

Dorcas: what happened?

Remus: its a long story- about uh, my furry little problem

Regulus: oh, OH

Dorcas: furry?-

Regulus: jesus, does he know?

Remus: thats the problem, im not sure if he does, i was talking with Sirius in a classroom and he just flat out walked out in the middle

Regulus: and Barty is the worst gossip you'll ever meet-

Evan: why are we talking about Barty?

Regulus & Remus in unison: nothing!

Evan: i- what the hell?

Dorcas: Evan what is a furry little problem?

Evan: im sorry?

Remus: Rosier where the fuck is Barty

Evan: why does everyone always expect me to know what hes doing?

Regulus: so you don't know?

Evan: nah he's in the common room, but still!

Regulus: okay, ill go have a nice chat with him

Remus: thanks Reg

*Regulus leaves*

Evan: you and Barty hooking up or something?

Remus: what? no-

Dorcas: Lupin's too busy banging Reg's brother

Evan: ah, right, havent caught up on the recent gryffindor drama, you and mckinnon still having a lovers quarrel?

Dorcas: lovers- What?!

Evan: right you haven't realized you like like her yet, sorry, so much drama with those lions honestly

Remus: excuse me, i'm right here

Evan: yeah but technically you're a wolf, so

Remus, pulling out his wand: what did you just say? who told you?

Evan: oi! i found out on my own! i'm not as stupid as some of you people think i am, plus Barty's also known for ages,

Remus: HE HAS?!

Evan: well technically all of us besides Cas and Pandora, I know that Reg knows, but that one was pretty obvious

Dorcas: what the hell are we talking about?!

Remus: none of your business

Dorcas: damn

Evan: don't worry, we haven't told anyone! that would be cruel

Remus: and you and Barty aren't cruel?

Evan: you wound me, Lupin

Remus: Rosier, please

Evan, whispering: cross my heart, mate. honestly it doesn't seem to benefit anyone to know, but id suggest you tell your friends to stop talking so loudly, we know about their animagi, and when Reg finds out his boyfriend and brother are doing stupid shit like that he'll lose it.

Remus: fucking hell-

Barty: alright, whats the fuss about, why is Reggie pissy and why'd he threaten me

Evan: Bee, Lupin thinks you're gonna tell people about his furry little problem

Dorcas: for fucks sake-

Barty: oh! yeah nah, i've known for awhile, i won't say anything, not my secret to tell

Remus: im going to have an aneurysm

Regulus: wait- what? Rosier you know now?

Evan: I've known for a while, so has Bat, we both came to our own conclusions, we just tell eachother everything, so

Regulus: what?

Remus: apparently everyone knows about everything and im going to lose my fucking mind

Barty: we aren't gonna tell anyone, Dora and Cas still don't know

Dorcas: im so bloody confused right now, im gonna go talk to marlene,

Barty: ooo! have fun!

Evan: use protection!

Dorcas: fuck off you two!

Remus: im just- gonna take my crisis elsewhere, thanks Reggie

Regulus: uh, no problem Remus...

*Remus & Dorcas leave*

Evan: successfully confused the two smartest people we know, this is the best day ever

Barty: fuck yeah!

#rosekiller is so chaotic #the two of them both being smart but also dumbasses is funny to me #everyone else is losing their minds and the two of them are just laughing their asses off #sirius and james do NOT know how to whisper or talk about things privately lmao #also barty and evan are such gossips its canon #rosekiller #dorlene #wolfstar #jegulus #marauders #marauders era #dead gay wizards #harry potter #hp #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #regulus black #remus lupin #dorcas meadowes #sirius black #james potter #marlene mckinnon #pandora lovegood #remus and his furry little problem

[padfootagain]

Something Good (XIV)

Chapter 14 : The Meerkats

Hello! Here is a new chapter for my Ben Barnes series!

Today we have: an existential crisis, some Sally cuteness and a realisation!

Hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings: none for this chapter! Slow burn, professor AU.

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already is. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

Word Count: 3344

Masterlist for the series – Ben Barnes’ Masterlist – Main Masterlist

That night, Ben drove to Miles’s house without calling to ask if he could. He didn’t go home, he drove straight to Miles’s place. And his friend was more than surprised to find Ben on his threshold on this Sunday evening; even though it was, by all means, a pleasant surprise.

“Ben! What are you doing here? Come in!”

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Ben whispered.

Miles frowned, finally noticing how much his young friend seemed in disarray.

He was dishevelled, with eyes looking around in a blank gaze, voice shaky…

“Ben, come in. What happened? What’s wrong?”

He ushered Ben inside, guiding him to his leaving room, and helping him take off his coat, because the poor man seemed too shaken to even realise that he ought to take it off…

“Ben! How lovely to see you!” George’s cavernous voice rang through the room, warm and welcoming.

But he frowned too at the sight of his friend looking completely panicked, standing motionless in his living room.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, the question aimed at both Ben and his husband.

“Why don’t you take a seat?” Miles guided Ben to his couch.

“I’m sorry to bother you like this…”

“Don’t be silly now! You’re not bothering us at all! Now, come on. Tell us what’s bothering you so much. You don’t seem well.”

Finally, Ben struggled to swallow and looked up at his former colleague.

His dark eyes were drowning with tears.

“I… I don’t know what to do. Miles, I’m… I don’t know what to do…”

Miles and George exchanged a worried glance, before they sat down on the couch too, on each side of their friend.

“What did you do? What happened?” Miles pressed him on.

“I… I didn’t mean to… I just… I thought that it was nothing but I…”

Ben let out a shaky breath, looking up at the ceiling to hold back his tears.

He sniffed, struggling to swallow the lump in his throat.

“I think… I think I’m in love with her.”

George’s and Miles’s expressions changed from worried to surprised.

“Miles… I think I’m in love with Y/N.”

And Miles was smiling now, and he was about to show his happiness when Ben closed his eyes, letting a tear roll down his cheek in the process. He buried his face in his hands.

“What am I going to do? What should I do? I have no fucking clue, Miles…”

“Now, Ben, calm down! There’s no need to be so upset!”

“Of course, there is!” Ben looked up at his friend as if he were mad. “I’ve fallen in love. And with Y/N, of all people!”

“She’s a wonderful woman.”

“Yes, she is! She truly is.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“I… Miles, I’m a mess.”

Ben shook his head, tears back in his eyes.

“I’m such a mess. And I… I’m not sure I’m ready for that. And… and she has a kid and…”

He tightly closed his eyes, trying to calm down, taking deeper breaths.

“My life is complicated enough as it is, Miles…”

“But… Y/N… Alright, let’s calm down, first. And then, you’ll tell us what happened, alright?”

Ben nodded, took a couple of minutes to collect himself, and then told the couple about what had happened in London. The way you had gotten much closer, the way he had realised he was falling for you, even though, at the time, he thought it was but a mere crush.

And he told them about this week, about the way he couldn’t stay away from you, about the way you were always in his thoughts, the way he could barely eat, the way he dreamt of you.

And he told them about this afternoon, spent with you and your daughter, about how happy he was, about the realization that struck him with full force.

And now… now he was panicking.

“Alright, alright, calm down. Now is time to take a deep breath, and calm down,” George decided, but Ben glowered at him.

“If you tell me one more time to calm down, I swear, I’ll kick your arse…”

“Alright, alright…”

“The important question is: are you certain that you love her?” asked Miles.

But Ben nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure. I love her.”

“Then… why not ask her out for dinner? Or a movie?”

But Ben frowned.

“Have you even listened to what I said?”

“I did.”

“I’m a mess, Miles. I’m… completely, utterly… terrified. And I can’t drag her into my mess, she has enough of that to deal with, with her husband, her job, her daughter… and there’s Sally. This kid is amazing and I… It’s not just about Y/N, it’s about her daughter as well. And I… What if I… What if I start loving them, and they leave, like Julia did?”

He heaved a sigh, letting himself fall back into the couch.

“What am I gonna do? Why did I get myself into this mess in the first place…”

“You can’t control who you love, Ben.”

“I know.”

“Just… take a few days to think about all this. Because right now, you’re panicking because you’ve just understood what your feelings mean. You need to take a few days. No decisions to be taken tonight, alright?”

“I’ll get the guest room ready for you,” George added. “You’ll stay over for tonight.”

“No, no, I don’t want to bother you like that,” Ben shook his head, but George was already standing up, brushing his protest away with a mere gesture of the hand.

“Come on, Ben. It’ll be alright. You’re just afraid to be vulnerable again. You need time to process it all. In a few days, you’ll feel better. You’ll see.”

Ben heaved a sigh, but gave his friend a sad smile all the same.

“Thank you. I’m sorry for ruining your evening.”

“You’re not ruining anything, don’t worry about that.”

“I’m just… having kind of an existential crisis…”

“Yeah, I had noticed that,” Miles chuckled.

“Please, don’t tell anyone. No one can know about this. Give me your word you won’t tell anyone…”

“Of course not. Don’t worry, I promise you, I won’t tell.”

“I just… I just feel so lost…”

“You need time to process all this and to think about it.”

When Ben spoke again, his voice was so fragile, it was barely more than a shaky whisper.

“Miles, do you think… do you think that she could ever love me?”

His friend frowned.

“Why wouldn’t she?”

And Ben didn’t answer. He knew why, he had a long list of reasons why, but… he wanted to believe, even if for a mere moment, that perhaps, you could love him, one day.

“Ben, you’re a wonderful man. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re kind… There’s no reason for her not to fall in love with you.”

Slowly, Ben nodded, but Miles was not fooled, and now more than ever, he wished he could see Julia again and kick her arse for hurting his friend so badly that now… now he thought that he would never be loved. Now, he thought he would never be enough for anyone, simply because she made him believe he was not enough for her.

Miles was right. Ben needed time to get used to the way he felt for you, to think about what to do, to decide what to do next.

He tried again to stay away, but he failed miserably once more, and so, he had to accept that he liked you too much to keep his distance…

…loved you too much, actually. Love, that was the right term.

So, he leaned into his feelings instead. He embraced your presence every time he could, worked hard to make you smile as much as possible, listened carefully to your voice so he could remember it later, repeat every intonation in his head.

Meanwhile, you were trying to push your feelings away, but it wasn’t much of a success. You longed to spend more and more time with him, to listen to his laughter, and look into his eyes, and laugh at his silly jokes. And the truth was, you missed the kind of moments you had shared in London, just the two of you, outside of work, going on long walks and talking for hours…

The first invitation was a little clumsy. Even you felt uncomfortable as you walked inside Ben’s office on a Thursday afternoon. But you made your offer anyway, a warm smile on your lips.

“I was just wondering… Sally’s with Liam this weekend so I thought… maybe we could… do something together. Do you have plans already?”

He did, actually. But his friends would have to go bowling without him because there was no way Ben was going to miss an opportunity to spend time with you.

“No, I haven’t. Huh… sure! Yeah, let’s do that! What would you like to do?”

“We could… go for a walk or… go see a movie?”

Ben’s grin doubled in size.

“A movie sounds fun!”

“I haven’t been to a cinema in ages!”

“Then, one more reason to go there. Saturday night? What about some dinner before that?”

“Sure! Indian?”

“Perfect.”

Perfect.

That was how the evening turned out to be. It wasn’t a date, and both Ben and you were well aware of it. Still, you hadn’t laughed that much since London, and Ben had not felt like himself that much in a long time. And if it had been a date, you would have considered it like the best date you had ever had, only, you didn’t kiss at the end when Ben walked you to your front door. And if it had been a date, Ben would have considered it like the best date he had ever had, only, he didn’t hold your hand in the dark room of the cinema.

You didn’t want him to leave when he bid you goodnight. He didn’t want to walk away when you leaned closer, hesitated, and kissed his cheek, the way you had that Sunday afternoon at the park.

He was the one to ask if you would like to go to the Leeds Art Gallery the next day, and you accepted without thinking. So, the second invitation was a little unexpected.

But Ben loved it. How smart you were as you talked about the paintings you admired together. How funny you were as you made silly jokes. How soft your lips seemed to be as he admired them instead of the paintings on the walls…

And you loved it too. The way Ben kept on goofing around and making you laugh so much your sides were painful and a few visitors glowered at you. The way he talked about the paintings you admired together. The way his hands flexed every now and then, long fingers that seemed agile and smooth, palms that seemed so warm, when you admired them instead of the paintings on the walls…

But the third invitation was a little weird. You talked about your weekend with Sally after picking her up from Liam’s place. And when you mentioned Ben, you were surprised that your daughter seemed eager to see him again.

“He’s nice,” she answered in a frown when you asked her why she wanted to see Ben again. “It was a lot of fun to play with him at the park. Can we go back to the park with him on Sunday, mummy?”

But you shook your head.

“I don’t know, angel. He’s probably busy, you know. Besides… it’s a little complicated.”

Because it was one thing to spend time with Ben, it was another to spend time with Ben when you were with Sally.

Did you want her to get attached? After all, Ben was a colleague. He had become a friend and… you couldn’t deny that you felt something more for him but… he was still a colleague. What if he left, and broke Sally’s heart?

But when you came back on Monday with no answer, Sally was so disappointed, you couldn’t act as if nothing was happening.

Besides… you were falling for Ben. You could feel it. It was a slow, steady slope down which you were drifting, slowly but steadily.

For the first time since your husband, you were beginning to wonder if you could find love again. Proper, real love.

And if your feelings made you hope that you could, that Ben could be this person to show you how to love and feel loved all over again then… then he and Sally needed to get along. Because you would have broken your own heart rather than your daughter’s. Before letting yourself acknowledge the depth of your feelings for him, you needed to be certain that Ben could be good for Sally.

And so, on Tuesday, at lunch, after Ben had handed you a knife and a fork without a word, you looked up at him with discomfort and something shy, hesitant.

He frowned at the sight.

“You’re alright?”

“Yes, I am.”

“What’s going on? Did you have a bad morning? Is it Sally?”

“No… or… actually, kind of… Sally…”

But you fell silent, and Ben grew visibly worried.

“Is she alright?”

“Yes! She’s splendid, but she… she asked if you would like to go to the park with us on Sunday.”

Ben raised a surprised eyebrow, clearly taken aback.

“Me?”

“Yes, you.”

“But… why?”

“She had fun with you that afternoon at the park. And… I talk about you sometimes, and… I don’t know, she wants to see you.”

Ben’s throat tightened, but he wasn’t sure why. Because he was touched? Because he was scared?

“Would you like that?” you went on. “Would you like to come with us, on Sunday?”

“I… I don’t know,” Ben answered truthfully.

And he noticed the way you nodded, the way you smiled, the way you looked down at your meal. You seemed sad, disappointed, but also… as if you were expecting it.

Because you were. Expecting it. You were a mother, what were you thinking? Why would Ben want to sign up for a five year-old? Just to be with you?

You reminded yourself that you were not worth it.

But your head snapped up at him again.

“I mean… I’d love to but… is it okay? I mean… We’re friends, but Sally is your daughter. I don’t want to overstep. I don’t want to do something that’s… out of line. And having your daughter with us… is that alright for you? Do you feel comfortable with that?”

“Do you?”

Ben chuckled.

“Your daughter is amazing. Of course, I do. I spent a lovely afternoon with the two of you.”

“You don’t think that it’s… too much?”

Ben considered the question for a second. But then, slowly, he shook his head.

“Sally is a part of you. A very important one, too. I feel… honoured, really. I feel lucky that you could even consider opening that piece of your life to me. I’m just… worried that you might think that I’m taking too much space. That I’m… I’m not enough for that kind of thing.”

He didn’t really understand why you had tears in your eyes, but when you smiled at him again, you weren’t so hesitant anymore.

“I’d love for you to come with us, Ben. If you would like to, I’d love that.”

He smiled, the last doubts in his mind slowly dissipating.

“Alright. I’ll come then.”

The adventure to the park turned into an exploration of the zoo.

You went with Ben and Sally to Tropical World, the small zoo hosted by Roundhay Park. And Sally was overexcited, especially because she adored…

“MEERKATS!”

She ran to the enclosure, leaving you to hurry after her, chuckling fondly.

“Look!”

She pointed at the animals, her eyes filled with amazement.

“He’s on sentry! Look!” she exclaimed as one of the meerkats stood up on his back legs, looking around.

Sally turned to Ben.

“Did you know that there is always a Meerkat keeping watch for their group?”

“Yeah, they’re protecting their family.”

“Yes! And not just the family, but their whole group! And they eat insects! Which is kind of… not-yummy.”

You and Ben chuckled at her choice of words.

“It is quite disgusting…” Ben admitted. “I would not like to try that very much. Would you?”

“No… I want to be a meerkat though! Or a pirate…” she seemed to ponder the question, undecisive.

“You could be a pirate meerkat,” Ben proposed.

“Of course not! Meerkats don’t have pirates!”

“What if a meerkat had an eye-patch?”

“You need a sword too! And meerkats can’t have swords. Can they, mummy?”

“I don’t think they can, angel,” you shook your head. “But you would make a very scary pirate meerkat.”

Sally grinned up at you.

“Thank you, mummy!”

She turned to Ben again.

“Could you be a meerkat?”

“Of course! Look!”

Ben stood very straight, raising an eyebrow and looking around, giving his best imitation of a meerkat. Both you and Sally exploded in laughter.

“Hey! Don’t laugh at the meerkat in me!” Ben joked, faking outrage, which made both of you double with laughter.

He grumpily mumbled something unintelligible, crossing his arms before his chest, but he wasn’t very convincing.

You spent a long time watching the meerkats, and you indulged Sally as long as she wanted to watch the animals. You then moved on to the snake part of the zoo, which your daughter also adored. Ben’s meerkat joke actually turned into a game, and every time one of you said ‘meerkat’, the others had to mimic the animal.

You managed to snap a picture of Ben and Sally during their imitation, and they were way too cute for your poor heart.

You watched as Ben picked up your daughter so she could see the green snake hiding in the leaves. You stood a few steps away, close enough to hear their conversation, but far enough to let them be.

“Oh! I see it!” Sally cried, focusing hard on the snake.

“It has the same colour as the leaves. It’s hiding very well.”

“LOOOK! It’s opening its mouth! Wooooowww…”

She looked at Ben with a small frown after the snake had stopped yawning.

“Can you open your mouth that big too?”

“No,” Ben shook his head. “Snakes can open their mouth very wide. Their jaw is different from ours.”

“I can open my mouth that much!”

She opened her mouth as wide as she could.

“You too! Do it, Ben!”

He chuckled, but opened his mouth wide all the same.

He didn’t notice when you took a picture. He didn’t notice when you smiled so fondly at him, it looked like something beyond tenderness. He didn’t notice when your eyes filled with tears and you had to brush them away.

Because your heart had expanded, as if it longed to escape the restraints of your ribs. It seemed to glow, from a warmth that had settled inside of it. It’s beating was faster, harsher, a little more raw and desperate and true, too.

And you knew what it was. You had felt that way before, for someone else.

But then, it wasn’t surprising at all.

Because you had fallen. It was simply the end of the slope, or, rather, another section of it. After all, the chasm seemed bottomless. You were pretty sure that if you kept on seeing Ben, you would keep on falling.

You had fallen. It had been easy. And you thought you would be terrified, and you were, for a part; but then again, you were mostly happy, and giddy, and excited.

You knew then, how far your feelings for him ran. You had no way to push them away anymore.

It was easy, then, to realize what your feelings meant, to put a name on them. And you were happy about it.

When the realization struck you, full and raw and complete, your eyes grew a little round in surprise, and you smiled, too.

Oh…

Oh, yes…

***************************************

Taglist : @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic @idek-what-to-put @kpicard @rhapsodyonthethames

#ben barnes #ben barnes x you #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes fanfic #ben barnes series #series #fanfiction #fanfic #writing

[lacrimosathedark]

Hello. I love Conner Kent and have compiled pretty much every time Conner and Tim have had any kind of intimacy since he was brought back to canon.

Let’s go in order!

Young Justice 2019 (not to be confused with the OG)

For the record, this is pre-bisexual-realization Tim. tbh I’ve been thinking about just how bitter Tim sounds here despite still being oblivious to how freaking gay he is. Like, seriously “Whatever dumb thing or person makes him happy makes me happy.” Like, why they gotta be dumb, Timbo? While not anywhere near as weird, it also feels very strong for Tim to say with his whole-ass chest “he’s my best friend and I love him” solely given how recently he recovered those memories.  But if they had resolidified into him by that point, it’s not too strange. Stronger things have been said about them and by them.

Conner goes right for Tim. (In fairness, Cassie’s already got him and Bart isn’t in the room yet, but still)

(Also please join me in desperately trying to ignore the Drake outfit for the next few images because Yikes)

Conner was being such a Mom to Bart before this that this just reminds me of when they started Young Justice and he made a comment about how Bart would be a handful for other heroes or parents and Tim just gave him a Look and he was like “Oh, no! I am NOT the mom!” Sure, Jan.

More cute Bart, but it’s just...the thought. Bart knew Tim would want to see pics of Kon punching Luthor in the face and I love that for them.

I couldn’t not include the subsequent hug. THEY’RE SO FRICKIN CUTE.

That’s about it for Young Justice (and thankfully Drake). Next is the Tim Drake Pride Special, most of which is also in Batman: Urban Legends. Though Conner is only in Urban Legends for this one hot sec.

Kon doesn’t end up helping with Bernard because Tim is a stubborn dumbass with a habit for self-sabotage. But he saves the day and gets the boy anyway.

(For the record, I am endgame TimKon 100%, but Tim and Bernard are also very cute together and I’m so excited to see more of them! Honestly, read the new Tim Drake: Robin comics they are so flippin cute and we get to see Bernard being a ridiculous conspiracy theorist like he was on New Earth and it’s actually pretty funny and so cute UGH)

Then this is I think exclusive to the Pride Special, and we are post Bisexual Awakening.

So many people loved this page. Including me. But this part of the special was more about getting Tim to talk to Stephanie again. Because he’s an awkward loser who is trying to find himself and will occasionally just distance himself from people to do so. Despite generally being self aware and knowing better.

Anywho, the following is from Dark Crisis: Young Justice. Which isn’t too bad, but sometimes feels a bit wonky, especially with the girls. But it’s not totally out of character, especially given the Fresh Trauma, and it gets in the boys’ heads. And there’s...A Lot.

This is...well, these are Cassie’s thoughts. The plot hole made here, “Conner never find[ing] out” which shouldn’t be true because both Cassie AND Tim told him about this, is hand waved later because the whole thing with Rebirth is everyone’s memories are Fucked. I mean, Kon and Bart should have not been included in that because they were “off-world” when the N52 reboot happened which is the explanation for the 90s/2000s versions to come back basically as they had been, but y’know. Comics.

But anyway, this is bringing up, in case you live under a rock and were unaware, the time when Kon died and Cassie and Tim started dating for a hot second almost entirely because of their shared grief over Kon. Cassie had literally been in a Superboy cult and Tim was in the desperate process of trying to clone him.

You know. Fun times.

Dark Crisis actually has a lot of Kon@Tim stuff. I mean, plenty of the mutual affection still, but Kon is very focused on Tim, whereas Tim is trying to be more logical and, funny enough, listening to Bart.

Everyone forgets Bart is Super Smart, in part because he’s actually naturally clever but has a goober personality, but also because part of his trauma response to getting his kneecap blow off and having to have surgery done with little to no anesthetic because his metabolism burned that shit right out, he literally consumed an entire library. Like, read every single book there at super speed. Boy Knows Things. Plus he’s experienced to much more trauma since then, he’s become a quick thinker (pun always intended).

But you’re not here for my Bartholomew Is Great lecture, you’re here for TimKon!

Coffee Boy Confirmed

Oh, Tim...

All three of them go flying out of a car and Kon grabs Tim, but fuck Bart I guess? Bart brings this up later but it’s still frustrating. Sure, Tim and Kon are besties, but they love Bart. He’s not a third wheel in their friendship. He’s part of it. Just...sigh.

I love “You know I can run, right?” This is just a little glimpse into while Kon’s brain seems almost exclusively reserved for self pity and Tim, and Tim is still very much more focused on Conner, Tim is still paying attention to Bart (even if he doesn’t feel like it). Tim didn’t need to grab Bart at all, but why not?

Again, Kon brushing Bart off entirely, and Tim acknowledging Bart’s point but still showing preference to Kon.

Tim is So Done with these two and it’s so funny.

Also want to note, “process this with Babs later”. Is Babs acting as his therapist? I think she has the training, or at least a degree in psychology? That would actually be kinda sweet.

This seems so much more “ow my heart” out of context...the context is, Kon is being a dick to Bart. Tim ultimately disagrees with Conner, but not enough for Bart to not storm off, as seen below.

For the record, that’s not Cassie. Which is pretty obvious from the jump. But even here...yikes.

This stunned look (which is oddly glassy-eyed and unnerving tbh...) is in direct contrast to his calm understanding when Cassie actually told him, and then when Tim tried to talk to him about it. He was initially like “that’s kinda fucked up, but I get it and I forgive you”. Which...honestly sounds super big and sweet, but he also had pretty much the same reaction to “I was in a Superboy revival cult” and “I tried to clone you 90+ times and considered tossing you in a Lazarus Pit” so...

What I’m saying is Kon, in true Kent fashion, is a himbo.

But this could set off so many trains of thought here. Cassie told him it was out of grief that she did it--Tim never gets to explain his side. But what if it was a grief reaction for Tim? (It was.) Does that mean he was projecting his feelings for Conner onto Cassie? (Probably.) Tim knows he likes boys now, does that mean he liked Conner? (Likely.) Either way, what does Kon do with this?

Okay, this isn’t TimKon, but these boys are so fucking funny. Have I mentioned that I love Tim Drake? Because I love him. (Also reminds me of the time when Bart’s head was fucked up and he thought he was Batman...look, the 90s were weird, okay?)

They just had a fight and Tim’s first move is to stabilize and comfort Conner. Just....aaaaaaaaaaaa

And then we get to the fourth issue...which is probably my favorite because we’re finally in Conner’s head! We’ve been bopping between Bart and Tim until now (and also Cassie and Cissie elsewhere), but nearly this whole comic is Kon’s POV and it’s both hilarious and a little heartbreaking. I...I love him. He is my Favorite.

So, they’re being attacked by a whole fake Justice League and Titans (I see Roy and Kory and Kyle and Donna and--) and Big Bad is fucking with the sound waves. Until Conner is like, “Okay, but what if we didn’t?”

He’s the one who’s been trying to convince the other two that this fake world is okay, that it’s better and they should stay, despite things being noticeably Off, and despite the distinct lack of Jon, Damian, and Wallace. (As far as I know, Bart doesn’t know Wallace too well, but Kon and Jon at least met and got on okay, and Tim and Damian are...well, they’re at a point in their relationship of begrudging respect and affectionate verbal violence rather than, y’know, actual violence). Bart wants to GTFO, and Tim was wishy-washy at first, but at this point is firmly with Bart and wants out. I mean, he started getting Bad Vibes when Fake Batman said him wanting to date Bernard over Stephanie was “just a phase”. I didn’t include that image despite loving it, but Tim’s internal thoughts are, verbatim, “@#$&#&* what?” which can, I would guess, be translated to, “Fucking what?” Tim is very curse-y in this series.

But I’m getting sidetracked. Kon wants to stay, the others want out, and Kon throws a bitch fit.

“The man was too stunned to speak”

Poor Bart, figuratively and literally carrying this fucking team.

Here we go.

Hey. Hey, Conner. Buddy. What the fuck does that mean, man?

I cannot begin to tell you the number of ways this page hurts me. Just...all three of them are so fed up with everything and aaaaaaaaa

And then Bart rightfully goes off.

Like, that’s not quite true, but it sure do be feeling that way right now. And while even in this post I’ve shown just how much both of them can care and pay attention to Bart, they have always been more focused on each other. At first it was because Tim was secretive and Kon thought he had a stick up his ass meanwhile Conner was new to the world and being actively manipulated by people. And then it’s because they’re best friends. Like, heterosexual life partners levels of best friends. Platonic (or not-so-platonic) soulmates levels of best friends. They both consider Bart their best friend too, but they hold each other above pretty much everyone else. Which, after they’ve all lost some footholds in reality with their seniors missing, those small slights feel more pointed and are getting to Bart a lot more. He’s hurting and Tim’s the only one listening, but Tim is favoring Kon and it’s driving him up the wall. All that frustration and resentment come to a head. Hopefully to be resolved.

I’ve made this a Young Justice Boys post instead of just a TimKon post, but I regret nothing!

For the sake of my image limit I haven’t given everything I love about this issue, but even if you don’t read the rest (which is fair, it gives some people Bad Vibes at the start) please read this issue. Conner’s inner monologue is so stupid and so funny and I love him so much.

But anywhozits, proceeding!

I want it noted that Bart was attacked right before this and is held on the ground but Conner immediately goes for Tim. Unbelievable.

(I refuse to crop out Bart when he’s funny)

I’m, uh, not a fan of Superboy’s face here, but y’know, more him focused on Tim. While Bart is in a similar predicament.

He finally mentions Bart...after he seems to have nearly been able to save himself.

(Yes, the bad guy’s name is Mickey. Yes it’s awful, but that’s the point. I think.)

Now, here’s a big point for me, so I’m breaking down the page.

Mickey-boy conjures up images of new and revised characters (ex. Jon Kent and Harley Quinn) and Tim sees

And the next panel?

He sees Tim looking at the image of his boyfriend...and he changes his tune.

And they they all go off on a speech that’s touching in context but incredibly cheesey out of it. Also a bit obnoxiously meta, but so is this whole storyline.

“What are you gonna do about it, Conner Kent?” I don’t know why that gets me so much but it does.

That’s all for now. Last DCYJ comes out November 15 and I’ll probably edit this post at that point to add what’s in there but I’m impatient and made this whole thing and I need people to love and appreciate these boys.

#DC Comics #Tim Drake #Conner Kent #Kon-El #Bart Allen #Robin #Red Robin #Superboy #Impulse #Cassie Sandsmark #Wonder Girl #Young Justice #Dark Crisis: Young Justice #Tim Drake Pride Special #Batman: Urban Legends #TimKon #Bernard Dowd #I have done many words about my beloved boys #it's About Damn Time I made a Tim longpost #I'm sorry Tim you're still my favorite Robin but Jason has shittier comics

[bil-daddy]

Final Update on My Date with Aziraphale

It was a close race, but between not taking Aziraphale to Hell (he wouldn't like it) and taking him to Alpha Centauri instead, not taking Aziraphale to Hell won out.

Taking him to Hell was never really an option. Glad all but 1% of people who voted agreed. (Those 1% though...I'd be enjoying my last days as human if I were you, cause you're all getting turned into lizards as soon as I figure out who and where you all are.)

Course that means I can't tell him last night was a date. Angels and demons don't go on 'dates' (even when they do). And for Aziraphale's own peace of mind, it's best he doesn't know I'd ever hoped we might.

But while I can't tell him it was a date, I can help him with his identity crisis. Let him know he's not a demon just because he told a little fib.

No one'll ever even know so long as we don't tell anybody. I mean I'm certainly not gonna say anything.

And when I asked Aziraphale if he planned to tell anyone, he shook his head no. Then, he asked me "But what I am I?"

So, I told him.

I already knew what he was gonna say to that.

And I thought I knew what he'd say next. I thought he'd call me out for lying to him, saying it wasn't lonely being on my own side, a demon going along with Hell as far as I can, but no farther.

But what Aziraphale actually said surprised me.

And me--being the self-sabotaging, second-guessing, insecure snake that I am--just couldn't take that for the win it was.

I had to say something stupid.

After all, Hell's crowded as well, Hell. And I'm still lonely as Heaven.

It's probably the same for Aziraphale, too. Can't imagine him being all that chummy with Gabriel and the rest.

That's when I realized I'd fucked up.

Aziraphale had just reached out, in his own careful way, and I'd shot him down like an enemy plane, when he was just trying to be a friend.

I had to fix this.

Aziraphale thought about it for a moment. And then, he turned to me and smiled. It was hesitant, scared even, but it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

(But then, I think that about all of Aziraphale's smiles.)

It was gone in a flash, like the sun peeking out from behind a cloud then getting covered again, and he quickly looked away. But I saw it. And I'll always remember it.

I'll always remember what he said, too.

We sat in companionable silence after that, watching the sun go down over the water.

When it was nearly dark, I remembered Sitis' offer to come for dinner, which I'd brushed off with a rain check (not actually intending to ever follow through).

Now, I'm not usually much for food (snake digestive system--can't have too much at a time). But, as we learned from the now infamous Ox Rib Incident, Aziraphale definitely is. So maybe Aziraphale might like to have dinner with the Job Family.

I asked him what he thought. Did he want to go to dinner at Job and Sitis' place? Not with me or anything, of course. I'd just, you know, happen to be there too, since we both had invitations.

And he said...

#bildad the shuhite #a companion to owls #job minisode #good omens #my date with aziraphale #ineffable husbands #crowley

[lionmythflower]

rosestarkillerchaser ship break down thing? Idk- based on @definitelynotttheo version of this (this is kinda long srry)

Sunrose/rosechaser: literally love them with all my heart. evan was the one of him and reg that didn't absolutely 'despise' james. And so evan is friends w Peter, lily and Remus, so obviously he becomes friends either the other gryffindors as well, so he becomes friends with james in like 4 or 5th year. And truthfully, him and james become so close so fast that one day evan is thinking abt james and all the sudden he realizes he likes him. And then proceeds to (try to) ignore james but he (fails) gives up bc james just wants to hang out with him. but anyways evan ignores his feelings bc he's already struggling w liking Barty and Reg. And while evan is having a crisis, james is literally panicking bc "wHY THE FUCK IS HE SO HOT????" and then he's like "fuck" bc james just realized that he is indeed in love with evan rosier. And so smth happens w reg and barty (they either got together or kissed or smth else) and evan is like "why the fuck does the universe hate me so much" and then james is also sobbing bc "whyyyyy" and then smth happens, they talk abt it (reg and barty) and then evan and james both come to the conclusion that they both like reg and barty and then finally realized that they like each other and end up getting together.

Rosestar: regulus and evan are like bsf and they literally love each other so much but they both like people(s) and so they don't acknowledge the fact that they like each other. And they pretty much only disagree on two things, how to pronounce and say things in French and james fucking Potter. Cuz reg 'hates' james and evan is practically best friends with james by the end of 4th year. So then reg figured out that he liked evan and barty so he ended up making out with barty and got w him. and then evan got w james and both barty and reg were insanely jealous bc they both liked evan as well. And then regulus ended up realizing that he also liked james. And over heard evan and james talking abt them both liking barty and reg. And basically that gave reg courage to make a move on evan. And so reg confronted evan abt evan liking him. Actually he pushed evan against the wall and told him that he over heard evan and james talking abt it (evan was shook lmao) and then they talked abt it a bit before they kissed lol.

Starkiller: barty knew that he liked both evan and regulus but he was terrified to tell them so he js ignored his feelings (does not work btw I've tried) and tried to just continue on. And then in fourth year evan became friends with james and they all started hanging out w barty's old friend james and holy shit james was hot now. So barty formed a crush on him so at this point barty is pretty much fucked he thinks. And so then barty notices how CLOSE james and evan have become and he knows exactly what will happen soon so he decides to try(and fails) to stop liking them and just focus on regulus bc he's free. So he just keeps on flirting w reg until regulus fucking pushes him against a wall (you like doing that don't u reg) and snogs barty's face off lol. And then evan and james get together and oh Merlin it HURTS. and then both reg and barty figure out that they both like evan (barty doesn't mention anything abt james until reg did when he realizes that he also likes james) and then regulus hears james and evan talking and tells barty

Killerchaser: my babes. They were NOT prepared to fall for each other 😭😭. They're childhood bsf. And then they got to Hogwarts and they kinda parted ways a bit. And so they kinda grew apart for a while and then like I said, evan became friends w James and Barty who hadn't rlly taken much notice to his old friend was like "rjwkdnwkne???????" Basically. (James had around the same reaction.) And then Barty sees how James and evan are rlly close and it's clear that they like each other. So barty flirts w reg and then they get together. Which causes evan and james to get together. And the reg over heard James and evan talking at him and Barty and regulus went after evan to tell evan that he (and Barty) liked him back. So NATURALLY barty went after James. And James and Barty are both the type to flirt and then get extremely flustered when the other person(s) flirt back. And so barty flirts w James and James flirts w barty and inside they're both having pansexual panics lmao. And then idk which one but one of them is like "ok wait we both like each other right" and the other is like "oh thank god yes" and then they talk a bit and cuddle but they would never tell anyone that .

Rosekiller: oml my oblivious darlings. They both liked each other from the moment they met but they took FOREVER to realize it 💀. But by fourth year evan likes barty, regulus and james n barty likes evan, reg and james. And they're both looking at the other and seeing the person that they clearly like (evan n James and barty n reg) and their both like "I don't stand a chance:(" bc their pathetic little bitches 😭. But anyways reg and Barty get together and evan is heart broken x2. And then evan gets w James and Barty is heard broken x2 (theyre so pathetic). And then the shit w reg n ev and bart and jame (shortening their names 💀💀). And so all four of them talk like civilized ppl. And so then evan and barty talk more with js them and they probably both cry bc have I mentioned that they're pathetic. And ya :)

Starchaser: fuck the thing that reg is always mean to James. Reg was mean to James when he didn't rlly know him and still hated him for taking his brother. But then regulus actually started to get to know James after him and evan started hanging out (and then later dating). And reg was like ok maybe this guy isn't THAT BAD. and then James and evan got together and regulus was like I'm jealous bc I like evan but wait am I also jealous of evan for some reason??? And then "ohhhh" bc reg js realised that he likes James. And then reg over heard James and evan talking abt how they both liked him and barty. And so he told barty this and then went after evan. And then barty went after James and shit. And then they all talked abt it and their relationship (bc talking abt it is the key to a good relationship (or so I'm told I've never been in a relationship)) and then regulus got to talk to James more and reg is so soft w James 😭😭 I love them both so much but reg and James both constantly need to be reassured that they're partners all still love them and so reg and jame basically say I love u like 20 times a day (rosekiller is not any better mind you) but yea :)

#“But isn't starting a relationship w making out unhealthy?” Yes yes it is. And? #Peter n pandora knew all of what was happening btw lol #evan rosier #regulus black #barty crouch jr #james potter #rosekiller #sunrose #rosechaser #starchaser #starkiller #darksun #darkstar #killerchaser #killerstar #rosestar #rosestarkiller #rosestarkillerchaser #slytherin skittles #marauders #blackrose

[indigosabyss]

Gwen Poole in Daredevil S2

Somewhere on these rooftops, Matt was lying dead to the world. Hopefully not actually dead, though.

Not that Foggy would know, until he found him.

Finally he climbed another set of goddamned stairs. And on the roof of this one, there was indeed a body in that stupid red suit.

Not just that, though. There was someone else.

A... girl? Young woman? With a pink and white leotard and a matching mask with wide pink lenses for eyes.

She had a hand on Matt's neck, clearly checking his pulse, but straightened up when she saw him.

"Oh, hey, Foggy! Gosh, this scene was iconic for me. How many stairs did you climb?"

"So fucking many." He sighed, before common sense hit him, "Wait, who are you?"

"I'm Gwen!" She introduced herself excitedly, "This is such an honor, sir."

Okay, that was seriously freaky. She knew his preferred name, had found Matt before him, and now she was calling him sir.

"You sure this is the guy, Gwen?" A voice drawled next to him, "All I'm getting is panic from him."

Foggy flinched, suddenly realizing the boy with a pink mohawk standing right beside him.

"Oh, yeah, it's definitely Foggy Nelson, Daredevil Babysitter Extraordinaire." Gwen agreed.

"How do you know all this?" He asked defensively. If these guys were assassins...

"Relax, Pink left the merc business a while ago." The boy told him with a roll of his eyes. So he was that type of teenager.

"Are you some kind of psychic?!"

An aura of pink cloaked Matt, and he levitated off the ground, blood dripping from him, "Only the very best. Now where do we take this guy?"

----

Crisis slightly abated, Gwen Poole was now jumping around their matchbox office, stars in her eyes.

Two seconds in and she had blurted out the truth to Karen. Given how she said it like she was relaying the plot of a TV show, she didn't seem to entirely believe it.

All the while, the other pink douchebag slouched on the ceiling. And a black-haired scrawny kid with a billowing green jacket watched on in horror.

"We're doing Daredevil Season 2!!!" She cheered, jumping up and down, "It's the Punisher one!!! This is going to be a meeting of the moments!"

"Okay, so she's crazy." Karen nodded, trying to keep her cool, "What about you two?"

"I'm trying to get the drugs she's taking." Quire said bluntly.

"Dude, you've dated her. Gwen's just like this." Scrawny kid who still hadn't introduced himself said.

They all looked at Gwen, who was now juggling guns jesus fucking christ-

"A little cocaine?" Quite asked hopefully behind him, as Foggy rushed over to stop her.

[Idk Platonic "Teach Me To Not Give A Fuck" Gwentin is my favorite dynamic and this was the best way I had to express this. The premise is literally them jumping to another dimension bc they felt like it. Also Gwen stans Frank, which is weird as hell for them.]

#ibis ficlets #matt murdock #foggy nelson #daredevil #daredevil tv #gwen poole #gwenpool #cecil gwenpool #quentin quire #kid omega

[knifedog-machina]

Role Fatigue And Being A Shell Of A Person

I Want Off This Self-Inflicted Archetype Ride, Thanks

Hey, my name's Gavin, he/him, and I'm writing out my fucking identity crisis on main, because what else do we have a journal for? Feel free to reblog, maybe someone can relate to this.

Content Warning: I get existentially fucked up about my personhood and purpose in life, and I use a few reclaimed slurs as identity labels for myself. This ends on a pretty hopeful note, all things considered.

So. This past week, we realized something, that Jude and I - especially me - have been basically fitting in the same roles Max's daemons used to. Because brains are weird, and they love patterns, and we've been unconsciously keeping this pattern going for a solid year or so.

And at the end of that last essay he posted about it, Max said that we aren’t the same thing. His daemons were parts of himself and extensions of what he needed back then. We, as their headmates, are separate people. And that’s that, right? Pack it in, solid conclusion, all neat and tidy. I sure fucking wish it were, but no, I’m having a bad time and I'm going to talk about it. My old therapist told me that writing out my thoughts is good for me, and I’m choosing to believe her.

I spent most of my time in the back. Not in a proper headspace, but just running damage control, executive functioning. Keeping track of stuff like, when's the last time you ate, or what do we need to do now to make your feelings less awful, or you should really take a break from memorizing brainstem structure and take a walk. And it's kinda ridiculous that I can do it for someone else, because I also have ADHD and all the executive function issues that go with it, but it’s easier when it's for someone else. And I guess that's part of being a Caregiver.

I'm capitalizing Caregiver there because I'm talking about the archetype. Martin was a caregiver archetype - her purpose in life was to take care of Max and their needs as a person, and she felt fulfilled and content with this because she was a part of them. She was never under the impression that she had anything to gain from becoming a fully separate person, someone with her own wants and needs as separate from her job, and she didn’t have anything to gain! She was happy like that, being an extension of someone else's needs, because Max was living enough life for both of them, and she didn't need to be a person for them to exist and thrive together.

I’m a separate person from Max. I'm a separate person from Jude. I'm not just an extension of what my partners need from me. But - fuck me, I've spent this long trying to be! And it's not even something that started here, it started in source, because Jude needed me to be functional while they were fucked up and having meltdowns over their abuser, and I stepped up because I wanted to help them. I helped them until I couldn’t anymore, because I was emotionally exhausted, and I stopped and recovered just enough that I could help them again the next time they ran back to me.

And I didn’t learn anything from that! I didn’t learn that I had to take time to rest and recover before I could help anyone else, I learned that I'm fully fucking capable of helping someone else if I just focus on them. This is the exact opposite of what I was supposed to learn, but I'm nothing if not exceptional.

Because - listen, I like helping people, I genuinely like taking care of people I love, it feels like I'm doing something important and making a difference and I am. It's so important to me to make sure that my loved ones are okay, and if they aren’t, I want to help them feel better. It's genuinely fulfilling to me.

And I looked at that, and I looked at what I could do, now that I'm here, feeling lost and confused and upset about forgetting important people and details in my life, and I decided that I would be fine just doing that. Only that. Specifically that. I can forget about how I feel like I’ve lost my identity by just making a new one. Right? It’s not like I had anything else to do, and I like helping people. It worked out.

So I just helped out. I didn't front, even though Jude did to talk to friends and make new ones and gradually get more involved in our daily lives, because I just didn't fucking want to. Like, really, what did I have to talk about with people? I don't have much. I'm doing something important, anyway, isn't that more useful than talking to people, or playing a game, or getting into a podcast, or reading a book? I was completely fine, and I had to be fine, because I couldn't help my partners if I wasn't fine and if I couldn’t do anything useful I’d have to face how fucking disconnected I felt from being a living person.

And now. Now, I can’t do that anymore. Because I fucking burned out. You really could have seen it coming months ago, if you paid attention, but I sure fucking didn’t. So I can’t do the things that I’ve been building my fragile fucking self-image over, and I’m left to look at what else I have to my identity to talk about. And it's really not enough, honestly.

Like, okay, I have three cats. They're wonderful little bastards, and I love them, and I can't hold a conversation only talking about my cats. I'm a fag, I’m queer, I’m transsexual, I'm kinky, I'm stone, and several of our friends have boundaries around discussing sexuality and slurs that I am not going to cross. I was into martial arts back in source, and we don't have the time or money to learn that now. I tend to like alternative rock and indie music, and I haven't listened to new music in months so that's kind of a dead end. I like tabletop roleplaying games, and we don't have the time to listen through a whole session, let alone a season, and I don't have opinions to discuss on them anyway because I'm fucking tired.

So I don't have much that makes me feel like I have an identity. I feel lost and frustrated and tired and anxious and useless. And I argued with my partners about reaching out to our friends for support, because I don't want to burden them with my nervous breakdown. Because isolating myself from the world has gone so well so far, hasn't it?

Turns out it helps to talk to people. Turns out we have the kinds of friends who also like helping their loved ones. Shocker, I know. And we know the guy who wrote the guide to growing as a person from being a fictive - thanks Goratrix - so I really should've done that weeks ago. Preferably before the nervous breakdown, but whatever, it happened.

In conclusion, I'm really not okay right now. Huge fucking surprise. But at least I know I’ll feel better if I start actively doing things. Because I can do that. Listen to new songs, listen to one session over three days. Play a video game. Getting one fucking hobby will probably do wonders to fight off the existential despair. And it's all going to be painfully fucking slow, because I'm not gonna remake a sense of self in a week, and it's going to suck. And I'm gonna get through it, and I'm going to feel better. It'll be worth it.

And hey, if you read through this whole thing and you're also going through the horrors, mood, take my hand. We’ll get through this shit together.

#gavin talks #personal essay #archetrope #plurality #fictive #alterhuman #daemonism #well. related to daemonism discussion on this blog

[thedawningofthehour]

doth!draxum is the type of villain you want to squeeze really tightly in your fist and scream at him in angry tears but at the same time acknowledge his absolute genius.

ngl i see a lot of fics with intentional holes in villains which the protagonists use to save the day and yada yada (which is still obviously important sometimes), or just blunt personality traits that do not add up to the character as a whole when you think about it; like "oh, i, draxum, will hate the very beings i have created and treat them like absolute shit just because i can, despite the fact that if i treated them properly then they'd thrive and be open to whatever plans i have for them because they actually understand what i am doing for yokai and be met with little to no resistance and, /bonus/, have (some) kickass son(s)"

there are still a lot of good fics with this but. idk. it really just doesn't strike me as something draxum would do.

doth draxum is the complete opposite and is just so downright realistic. i haven't angrily loved a villain like this in a good while. fact, i dont even think villain is the right term, since what he's doing could potentially save both yokai and humankind alike from an even worse fate. reality sucks and draxum already knows that, and he taught galois that too. donnie just viewed it as draxum killing off the human race(might be wrong on that part since i need to go re-read) and didn't quite take in the actual crisis approaching.

what i just spewed might be literal bullshit but. it's my bullshit.

anywayssss love the writing sm can't wait for next chapter even if it'll break this poor little heart even more.

I don't want to start ragging on other writers/artists here. They had their own visions for how their creative works would look and Evil Draxum fit that. That's fine. It's just a different vibe than what I wanted, that's all.

I think the point a lot of Grimdark Draxum people get hung up on is the scene where he throws Leo off the roof, with the whole "I will not hesitate to destroy you" thing. (sidenote, I do not have Leo be salty about that NEARLY enough) From there, yeah, he does look like a ruthless villain who would do classically evil things just because he can.

But Draxum is one of those characters whose words say one thing and his actions say another. He does hesitate to destroy them. Not Leo, he legit thought Leo was going to die and didn't give a fuck, (in my canon he did this because Leo is his least favorite-he wouldn't have done it to the other three) but he deals with them all several times before coming to the conclusion that they have to die. And even after he assembles Evil Justice League and does a whole music number about killing them-he stands there and asks them to join him again. He has a group of pissed-off mutants at his back who all really hate the turtles and got all excited for murder. He's 100% willing to burn those bridges and piss those guys off if it means he doesn't have to kill his turtles. And even then, after giving them what he explicitly states is their final, point-of-no-return offer...he's out there trying to convince them again, using Lou Jitsu as an in with them. Draxum does not want them dead. He's willing to kill them, but it's established that Draxum is willing to sacrifice just about anything for his cause, so that's not saying much.

And then another thing is his behavior at the end of s1 when he gets close to the dark armor, with the whole kidnapping the boys and threatening to torture them to death in front of their father kind of thing. Yeah. That was fucked. I feel like the dark armor and the taunting of power really, really fucked with Draxum's head. In my canon Cass kind of snapped him out of that when she told him that the armor would all but kill him, and he realized how far gone he was. Cass and Gale kind of serve as good grounding points for him now.

Also, I just want to point out, this was the face Draxum made when he first laid eyes on his creations:

That is not the face of a man who is ambivalent about them dying.

So yeah, while Draxum's original plan for Donnie was not as fluffy and affectionate as what he ended up going with, it wasn't cruel. He would have still fed him well and made sure he was getting enough sleep because those things would have affected the quality of his work, he would have provided medical care because what use did he have for a sick or injured engineer? Taking care of Donnie was worth the extra time and expense because a healthy Donnie would be more productive and would do better work. Just in terms of numbers, it made more sense to be decent to him. There probably would have been some mental and physical abuse, but mostly just to make Donnie reliant on him and keep him from rebelling.

Also he still absolutely thinks of the change of plans as purely a numbers thing. It would simply produce better results of he did it like this. Feelings never came into play here. Baron Draxum does not get attached, especially not to turtles who cuss him out while strapped to his lab table.

Oh no, Draxum is 100% genociding the human race. He's willing to mutate some of them-mostly kids, because they aren't shitheads yet and he thinks they might be redeemable. This isn't exactly mercy-this is something real-life colonizers do to ethnic groups they're trying to destroy. Take their kids and make them 'their own'. That was the whole deal with residential schools and there are definitely people who utilize international adoption to 'save' and Christianize non-white babies. Draxum genuinely believes that humans are evil by virtue of being human. Most human adults are too corrupted, but he might be able to save some of them by mutating them, and the children deserve a chance to be saved.

It just kind of goes to show what a shit situation we're in that That is actually something that could halt the impending mass extinction event caused by climate change.

#i cannot stress this enough this fic was supposed to be really low effort #now we're integrating commentary on climate change and marxism #doth #doth asks #baron draxum

[alritestoodeos]

Summarizing the OG timeline characters (badly) Pt. 1: Kenshi

So Kenshi is this really snotty guy who’s like “come here, let me kick your ass plzz” so he can prove he’s the toughest guy in town. Then Kenshi found this guy named Shang Ts- I mean… Song… This Song guy is like “Kenshi, me boy. You need yourself a killer sword, because you are super cool”, and Kenshi’s like “damn straight”. So Song and Kenshi went to this really big well, and Kenshi took the lid off of it and got blasted in the face by a bunch of souls, permanently blinding him. Song then revealed he was none other than the sorcerer Shang Tsung! DUN DUN DUNNNN!! And then Shang Tsung pushed Kenshi into the well after absorbing all the souls inside of it, making him strong and youthful again. Kenshi thought he’d be left to die in there, when the sword (that actually existed wtf??) that Shang Tsung had told Kenshi about went into Kenshi’s hand, giving him an artificial sight of sorts. The reason this sword (whose name is 戦闘 which I find adorable that it just has a name) is able to do this is that it belonged to a long line of warriors who all just so happened to be ancestors of Kenshi. Those ancestors were all also tricked by Shang Tsung’s trap, dying in the well, which is why there were so many souls.

Then Kenshi was like “ok boys we’re getting our revenge” and spent the next decade relearning how to see and fight, greatly humbling himself along the way. Word got around of this badass blind Earthrealmer swordsman who can use this magic sword and even move things with his mind a little bit, which catches the attention of Sonya and Jax, and they’re like “hey. Come join the OWIA (Outworld Investigation Agency, super lame) so you can look around in Outworld”, and Kenshi is like “hell yea”. He was then given the order to find Cyrax, whose tracker had been taken off the map. While he never found Cyrax, he did find Ermac, this amalgamation of 100s of souls, all having a mid-life crisis. Kenshi thought they were super cool and was like “hey what’s wrong bud?”, and Ermac’s like “Our one order in this life doesn’t exist anymore, so we aren’t really vibing rn”, and Kenshi’s like “well what if it wasn’t?”, and Ermac’s like “oh shit tru. Thanks. Here, let us teach you how to piledrive people into the ground with your  m i n d .” And so they did, and Kenshi now knew how to telekinetically slam people. Then Kenshi was like “yoooo OWIA I didn’t find Cyrax but I did find this person with green hair and pronouns”, but they didn’t respond, because they got fucking bombed by the Red Dragon. On the topic of the Red Dragon, the Deadly Alliance (one of which in this alliance is Kenshi’s sworn enemy), sent Mavado to go kill Kenshi, and nearly did so, but was like “yOu ArEn’T eVeN wOrTh ThE kIlL”, and walked away thinking he was cool.

As Kenshi lay, dying, a figure formed in the distance. It was Kuai Liang, the current Sub-Zero. Kuai carried Kenshi back to his Outworld cabin and nursed him back to health. Kenshi appreciated his generosity, and the two became actual besties. Suddenly, Kenshi felt his sword grow 10x in power. He’s like “dude dafuq-”, and Sub-Zero’s like “Oh yeah so there’s this dude named Onaga and- whatever there isn’t time for that. Anyways I’m pretty sure Onaga just killed Shang Tsung and all your ancestors just went back into your sword”. And Kenshi was happy, because his ancestors were back to being free, and his quest was over. He was happy. At least he felt like he should’ve been. But, he wasn’t. Kenshi felt… empty. Like this was what he devoted all of his life to, and now it’s just gone. He began to understand how Ermac felt, how awful it must’ve been for them when they realized everything they were meant to do, was just destroyed. Kenshi needed time to understand what he wanted in his life and disbanded from OWIA, and unaligned with the Lin Kuei, but promised both he’d still be an ally. He then left them both, becoming a lone warrior, in search of something to fill the hole that had been created within him. (angst rant go brr) Anywayyys Kenshi became Batman pretty much, hunting down the corrupted in the night, taking out criminal organizations. He also intercepts a transmission from the Red Dragon to Mavado, the man who nearly killed him, to kill the demigod Taven. Before Kenshi can do anything about Mavado’s mission, he gets a little tap on the shoulder from Johnny Cage, who’s like “dude XD 💀 so-so get this- 💀 there are these evil dudes like Onaga, Quan Chi, Shang Tsung, and Shao Kahn who are all, like 🤣 going to try to kill Blaze or some shit, and like, I was wondering if you- hold on a sec 💀… I was wondering if you wanted to join this team I’m making that has Sub-Zero, Ermac, and a whole bunch of other wacky characters to take them out”, and Kenshi’s like “were you audibly saying skull emoji- wait- SHANG TSUNG!?!” so Kenshi joined Johnny Cage in the Forces of Light. When Kenshi arrives at the pyramid, he takes out Sheeva and Quan Chi, and sees Ermac, and is like “dude this is a massacre out here what the hell is–” and before he could finish, he is telekinetically slammed into the ground by Ermac, who’s foot is planted into Kenshi’s chest, revealing his identity to really be Shang Tsung in the form of Ermac, before Shang Tsung casts his arm out to Kenshi, muttering “your soul is mine”, driving out the life force of Kenshi, now ultimately failing the quest he’s tried his whole life to complete.

If there's any other character's you want explained like this (from the og timeline only sorry), reply which you'd want!

#mortal kombat #kenshi takahashi #ermac #mk ermac #shang tsung #snow blind