#i only know negative expressions apparently

[novantinuum]

Steven's Breakdown Was Inevitable From the Very Beginning

I feel like the thing that fucks me up the most about Steven Q. Universe and how well conceived he is as a character is that the fundamental building blocks of why he reached his breaking point in SU: Future were laid out as clear as day in the span of legit only the first four episodes of the original show. The writing was literally always on the wall that future him would struggle with matters of self worth and identity in relationship to the others around him.

Let's take a look:

Gem Glow

"Awesome! What are these things?"

Foundational Trauma #1: Steven's home is always either under threat or actively being wrecked by antagonistic forces/beings, and he constantly copes with this by pushing down his fear in favor of a curiosity and silver linings based mindset.

Look at his initial shock when he opens the door and gets tackled by one of these things, and then his response when one of them spits acid:

The kid's freaked the hell out about all this, and while I do think there's a part of Steven that genuinely IS curious about what these lil critters are, I think he's subconsciously using that curiosity as a way to distract himself from his own fears and anxieties. This is Steven actively learning how to ignore the deeper problems in favor of emoting a facade to the others in his life that he can totally handle himself in scary situations like these.

The underlying reason why is incredibly apparent, when you look at the example from the next episode-

Laser Light Canon

"I don't know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me..."

Genuinely- from the bottom of my heart- I think the above quote from Greg is a moment where his own insecurities around the Gems actually rubbed off on Steven.

At this point in time, Steven may be living with the Gems... but he hasn't started to harness any of his powers at all, so in his own head he might as well be the same as his dad- another human, just one who happens to have a gem! But the way Greg talks about himself... given Steven was living with him in the van for years before moving in to the beach house, he had to have heard negative self-talk from his dad like this before.

And then there's the rest of the Crystal Gems... always speaking of Rose with such reverence as if she were an all-powerful goddess... and Steven can't help but look back at himself, and his gem that won't work... the gem that the others still identify as Rose's...

"Your gem-! You have Rose's gem!"

And maybe he starts to wonder if- without any working powers- he's just a plain ol' dope like his Dad, too.

"Please work... Unlock! Activate! Go! Please-!! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless!"

Foundational Trauma #2: Steven has Rose's gem, and as such, is constantly living under the silent expectation to live up to a standard that he simply cannot ever hope to achieve, because he doesn't KNOW her and he never will.

I want to highlight one of Steven's expressions while his dad is talking about Rose- look at that sad look. My god, I just wanna hug him. This is the expression of a child who has already come to terms with the fact that his only relationship with his mom is through the rose tinted stories that other people tell him about her.

Cheeseburger Backpack

So. Steven has learned so far that he needs to push down his feelings and emote a false veneer of cheer and bravery even when he's afraid, because the rest of the people in his life have expectations and hopes for him due to the legacy of his parentage and he can't bear the thought of letting them down. (And in a sad way, at this point "letting them down" literally just means... being an ordinary human boy. I believe Steven at this stage of the show is flat out scared to be human, because to be human is to fail at being a Gem, and no amount of love and sacrifice in the name of humanity in the seasons to come could've ever saved him from the fundamental fact that the wedge between him and this whole half of his being was already drawn long before the events of season 1 even started. But I digress.)

Let's see where we go from there. Let's check out Steven's first "mission." Or as Pearl puts it about 35 episodes later, his first "test."

"Yeah... they can't all be winners."

This episode is tinted with a little bit of tragedy for me on rewatch, because I genuinely do think the Gems handled the situation as well as they could've. They were supportive of Steven's successful ploys, and (for the most part) responded with grace when he majorly blundered and left the Goddess Statue at home. The main problem, however, is that Steven has already developed a bit of a complex about impressing the three of them-

Foundational Trauma #3: Even when they claim otherwise, Steven has convinced himself that affection from the Gems is transactional, and that when he messes up he's not truly a part of the Crystal Gems.

Of course we the audience know this isn't true- I mean, hell, Amethyst even said as much in episode one after her slip-up ("and you're fun to have around, even if your gem IS useless!")... that the Crystal Gems wouldn't be the same without him. But Steven... the poor kid is a complicated little guy living a complicated life, and whether they intended it or not, the language used they've used around him thus far has not backed up their attempts at fully embracing him, human parentage and all.

Thus, Steven just spends the entire episode wracked with anxiety trying to find creative non-power using ways to make the mission easier so he can convince them he's useful to have around.

Look how nervous he gets even when all three of them are visibly and vocally supportive of his presence here:

This is the face of a boy who feels like he's under constant judgement and scrutiny from those around him.

Blessedly, viewing this episode in isolation, he experiences a brief moment of mental respite where he finally accepts the Gems' encouragement and agrees that his ideas 'can't all be winners,' but this lesson does not stick for him moving forward. A shame, really.

Together Breakfast

"What's the matter, Steven?" "I wanted us all to have breakfast together, so I made Together Breakfast! But everyone keeps leaving..." "Oh, that's nice..."

Taken in context with what we've learned already in the last three episodes, Steven's desperation to spend quality time with the Gems here and his sadness that they keep leaving him alone doesn't just exist within a vacuum. He spends the whole morning watching them shuffle in and out of the temple, or come back from missions he wasn't invited on, and with the disastrous result of the LAST mission he went on probably fresh in his mind it's not hard to understand why this bothers him.

Foundational Trauma #4: Steven internalizes that the price of "not being useful" is that the Gems actively ignore him, meaning that the only way to guarantee their attention is to work as hard as he can to become a stronger member of the team.

I know this screenshot is usually used as a lighthearted meme, but I wanted to include it because I think it's a good example of how Steven's intense desire to impress permeates every facet of his personality at times. Just LOOK at how desperate he is to make Garnet laugh at his joke, to be the one that's at very least "fun to have around," as Amethyst put it in episode one.

The Gems do eventually drop what they're doing to spend time with Steven by the conclusion of this episode, but this only comes after Steven shows his growing strength and "proves" himself by saving their butts from the breakfast monster.

If he successfully gained their attention in literally any other way he might've come away from this episode with a different lesson, but no. Instead, his fears were proven true- the Gems value strength and utility, and if he's not exhibiting that, then what use is he to them?

These fears of his can be seen weaving throughout the foundational fabric of the entire show, but I think Steven lays out what he sees as his "stakes" in the clearest way possible in the episode 'An Indirect Kiss.'

"But- if I don't have powers, then I can't hang out with Amethyst, or Garnet, o-or Pearl, and- I-I can't go on missions!"

And these same insecurities even rear their ugly head as late as the movie.

"I can't believe this... for the first time in years, everyone's in danger, everybody needs me, and- I'm useless!"

Powers = Utility = Worth = Other's love, for Steven. Everything is transactional to the end, which is a hilarious double standard he's set for himself when he's made his reputation as the kid who always listens and encourages and gives others a chance to change, no matter their messy history with him.

__

So let's recap and restate those foundational traumas from Steven's perspective.

One: The only way to cope when your life is constantly under threat is to bury the damage and pretend to be fine.

Two: Everyone expects you to live up to the standards of someone you're not.

Three: The Gems only love you when you're of use to them.

Four: If you ever stop being useful, the Gems won't want anything more to do with you.

In sum, Steven's habit of burying his feelings for the benefit of others was there from the very beginning, not just since 'The Test.'

Those unreachable standards he felt so daunted and intimidated by all his life were the ones set by Rose, at first... but over the course of the series, the dynamic of this shifted. As Rose's influence fell into the background, Steven's rose into the front. And so it's with great irony that- by the time of Steven Universe: Future, the expectations this exhausted, worn down teenager is fighting to once again achieve are the ones HE set for himself. Many of young Steven's selfless actions during the war are quite admirable when analyzed in isolation, but almost none of them are sustainable. He set himself on fire just to save the world, but teen Steven is genuinely unable to see this for what it is yet- as a tragic sacrifice of his own childhood. You can't burn your own ends for others forever, not at all. His breakdown was simply inevitable.

When it comes to the interconnected beliefs three and four, these are exactly why the ultimate confrontation at the end of I Am My Monster HAD to be one fueled by selfless love. Steven is at his absolute lowest at this point- he's everything he fears he's become, trapped in a form that's nearly incapable of reason. He's big and angry and spiky because that's a part of the facade- because a part of him WANTS to scare the Gems away, wants to be left alone forever, believing this the fate he deserves as price for his misdeeds.

In this form, by his own definitions he is NOT useful to the Crystal Gems at all.

But they don't care.

Because it never WAS about Steven's 'usefulness' to them, they simply love him for being Steven.

With this in mind, the conclusion of Steven Universe: Future wasn't just a salve to teen Steven's immediate struggles, it was a salve to the foundational insecurities that have been plaguing him his entire life.

And hopefully... from this point on... his family's shows of love and encouragement will be enough to finally convince Steven that he's more than worth their time...

No matter what path the future leads him on, and no matter what form he takes.

#su #su future #steven universe #su meta #my post stuff

[headspace-hotel]

I hope I can express this properly and sensitively, but I think oftentimes people need to have Categories and Identities and to be healthily exploratory and playful and elastic about them, else they can get vulnerable to some negative things, sometimes really awful things

I wish I could remember where I read it, but there was something that wrote about whiteness in America as an abyss.

Whiteness is something that sheltered white Americans' ancestors, and at the same time devoured them. They used to have a distinct medley of heritages: Irish, German, Scottish, Italian. "Whiteness" ate it up, the languages, the cultures. There were privileges if you destroyed it, and punishments if you held onto anything that was "Other." In a white supremacist society, white people wanted to be "white" first before any other possible identity or connection they could have.

Yay! You're white. You're on top. You win...what? Turns out the prize for "winning" is just that you get to perpetrate the violence of the game instead of being on the receiving end of it.

And that's the nasty twist—there is no prize. The deeply embedded vice of "Southern pride" is not just what the Confederate flag stands for, but also why they've got to cling so hard to that symbol of traitors and losers: they need to be on top of something so bad that even a pile of shit will do. My ancestors were ultimately dirt poor, loads of them ending up in prison or breaking their bodies down doing hard labor, but they were white. Their reward, and their pride, was being stepped on by the violence of poverty only, instead of also by the violence of white supremacy.

"White pride" is all about hate because white supremacy didn't give these folks anything to be proud of. It stripped away the culture and heritage their ancestors had in favor of "whiteness." All those jokes about how white people have no culture, well, it's true isn't it? This shit is how we ended up a primarily monolingual nation. And what looks like happened is that white Americans wound up just...scavenging most of their culture from those they oppressed. Food, music, all of that stuff. Our white ancestors didn't GIVE us anything that was their own to start with.

And this is something that really strikes me about the white supremacist and fascist movements nowadays: the starvation and hollowness behind them. These folks are empty inside. They were given nothing by white supremacy except a very vague sense that they deserve something, and they see people of all different cultures celebrating and flourishing in their unique heritages and identities, and they feel like...they've been cheated.

Equality is so threatening when you're in this situation because it feels like you've got less than everyone else at the end of the day. Not just because of comparison to previous privileges, but because your whole identity was "person that gets to step on everybody else" and your whole inheritance was "shit stolen from everybody else" and in a world where all is set right, you have no identity and nothing. You are nothing.

Anyway I was looking just now at a blog that seemed really white-supremacist-leaning and it was 99% about like, Norse and Proto-Indo-European paganism and "traditionalism" and that's what got me thinking about this again.

This person had apparently done DNA tests on themselves or something, and were really fixated on figuring out their Norse and Germanic ancestors and separating out their genetic and racial identity at a level of precision that seems really pointless that far back in time. And honestly all the paganism stuff seemed like totally arbitrary speculation as well.

And how to become satisfied as a person like this? I am just as much Germanic or Norse as they are, but I don't believe that distant ancestors determine who you are to such an extent that I have some sort of innate cultural tie to Vikings or Visigoths or what have you. I know what percentage Celtic or Anglo Saxon or Norse I am—zero. I learned about those things in books the exact same way I learned about all the cultures and past kingdoms of the world that I presumably don't have ancestors from.

I feel like the experience of being a baby ally and obsessing about apologizing for being white is the same kind of thing in another direction, or another outcome of the same process. Some people seem to get really twisted up for a time over how to stop being guilty about being white.

It's part of the same thing as this guy who is trying to genetically identify his ancestors from like 3,000 years ago. It's the emptiness and meaninglessness of "white" identity apart from white supremacy.

I talk about deradicalization sometimes and I've had the notion a few times that fascism appeals to people who are hollow and starving in terms of identity, and if it wasn't for the sense of emptiness and hunger, they would be less easily radicalized. But it's also a little bit awkward to talk about the deeply unsatisfying nature of white supremacy, because...well, that is pretty low on the list of things bad about white supremacy.

I think this concept is worth talking about in general, though: People want to feel like they come from or are part of something meaningful. They are drawn toward Identities and Categories and Belonging to groups. This is something I think is commonly true about humans, I think it is normal and not a bad thing, and I think we could stand to be a little more upfront about its reality.

I think this means that wanting, and seeking, a sense of cultural identity as a white person (particularly an American) needs to have some kind of non-horrible outlet for it. Because right now, it's nothing but a way to get radicalized, and the dominant other option people take (becoming the Guilty White Person) is liked by no one and helps nothing.

And maybe it doesn't need to have anything to do with race or culture or your ancestors or any of these things that can lead a person down such terrible paths. Maybe more of us should be furries!

As just another thing to consider, I'm reading the book Ecology of a Cracker Childhood and the author of the book uses the word "cracker" not like, with the gravity of reclaiming a "slur" or something like that, but seemingly because that is just the word she most strongly identifies with, the word that best articulates who "her people" are. This feels very solid and levelheaded to me, something that comes from someone with a good sense of themselves.

Personally I've thought a long time that more people should reclaim "redneck." Not in the sense of reclaiming a slur exactly, but in the sense of putting it in neutral usage among the folks it always referred to, instead of letting it increasingly be associated with any Southerner (regardless of working class background) that is the sort to wave a Confederate flag around. The very idea of gatekeeping "redneck" away from racists is just absolutely hilarious to me, I won't lie.

#random #identity #whiteness #i doubt anyone asked for an essay from a white southerner about race #but this is just what im thinking about tonight

[milliesdiary]

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐀 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐃 — 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭; you were born from adultry and look the part. as a result, a child calls you a bastard and your partner reacts accordingly!

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬; rhaenyra, daemon, alicent, jace, aemond, aegon

𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬; established relationship, violence, fluff. female reader. imagine y’all are on a walk outside the palace or something LMAO

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; i know aemond, alicent, and aegon have negative views toward “bastards,” but they fell in love with you anyway. sorry i dont make the rules <3

𝐑𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐍𝐘𝐑𝐀

the second the words come from that child’s mouth, rhaenyra’s head is whipping around at the speed of light. she almost doesn’t know what to say at first, the words still processing in her head — but then an anger strong as a tempest builds inside of her. dealing with such things with her boys has certainly amped something up in her; the second that word is mentioned and she’s automatically in fight mode. “that is a vile accusation,” she spits, her voice waspish and rich with ill-concealed anger. “go. now.” the white sheet of her silver hair alone is enough to have the kid reconsidering their actions and send them running. no one dares insult the princess: not face-to-face at least. the second they’re gone, rhaenyra is turning toward you and clasps your cheeks in her hands, her eyes shining with that stubborn charm you love: “pay them no mind. you are like anyone else in this house,” she assures, drawing you into a tight, almost motherly hug. “true-born.” 

𝐃𝐀𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍

daemon has never been one for following rules, so him choosing to be in a courtship with you would not be out of the norm; his love does not know titles or traditions. when you’re called a bastard, daemon fucking laughs; not at your expense, but at the idea that a child thought they had the right to speak on such a thing, let alone levy such insults at a woman. you glance over at him, but he doesn’t return the look, only staring the kid down with those sharp eyes of his. not a single word has to come from his mouth and you know what he’s thinking: say it. you can’t imagine being on the receiving end of his cold stare — and it’s apparently excruciating, considering the child mutters out a ‘sorry’ and practically sprints away. they’re gone now, but daemon knows the words aren’t; you’ll probably think about them the rest of the day. he’s not one to pry though, so he merely grabs you by the hand and tilts his head down to press a chaste kiss to your knuckles. “it’s refreshing, isn’t it?” his voice rumbles, tone snarky. he raises his head slowly with a quirk of his lips. “not having children who are cunts.” 

𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓

a hypocrite, no doubt: berating rhaenyra’s sons for being bastards and yet falling in love with one herself. she understands it better now, what it means to accept someone born from adultery; it’s something she’d do for you, at least. so once a child catches sight of you and calls you such, her brows are knitting together and she’s swiveling in that direction. the only thing she can do is just stand in pure surprise and shock, especially upon noticing it was a kid who spoke it. the child doesn’t do anything else (probably just now realizing that you’re with the Queen), and disappears rather quickly out of fear. the moment they’re gone, alicent is immediately looking at you and trying to analyze your expression. her hands quickly find themselves upon your shoulders and she lines her face up to yours so you meet her eyes. “listen to me. people will try to impress on you that you’re a mistake. you must reject this counsel. what happened in the past doesn’t matter,” she promises, nodding her head as she says it. alicent’s hand comes to rest on your cheek and she gives a sympathetic, sweet smile — one that she always wore when she was 15, and one she only wears for you now. “you are mine, and i am yours.”

𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐄

the child didn't just breach the line between mockery and outright bullying; no, they stripped it away completely. jace knows exactly what it is like to be harassed for being different. the moment the word comes out, jace is spinning on a heel toward the assailant; he thinks twice about making a scene, because he’s been called it so many times and he should be used to it by now — but then he realizes that the child is talking about you. almost instantly, a brutal heat settles in the pit of his stomach. perhaps its ser harwin’s temper, or maybe his mother’s; wherever it comes from, it’s red-hot and searing, much like the flames that burst from the mouth of the dragon he rides. “what did you just say?!” jace automatically challenges, taking a step toward the child. his voice is deeper when he’s angry, matching the way his dark brows frame his narrowed eyes. a mix of a sneer and a frown is on his lips, and if that wasn’t telling enough, his hands are balled into fists. rest assured that if the kid continued, they would be getting a boot to the chest; jace has a younger brother and knows not to go overboard, but also knows that something like this can’t go unchecked. once the child admits defeat, jace is letting out a scoff and rolling his shoulders in an attempt to ward off his anger. “don’t let anyone say that to you,” he says, trying to scold: instead, his words come out less stern and more soft. “we are not bastards. we belong in our families.” jace just stares at you with those pretty eyes of his, waiting for you to nod before he gives a strained smile and leads you along. expect him to hold a grudge against that kid forever. 

𝐀𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐃

aemond has always had a sense of duty that aegon does not; he resents his nephews to the extreme for being bastards. but when it comes to you... well, perhaps there is an exception (he’s a giant hypocrite, thank you very much). similar to jace, aemond is instantly on the kid’s case. as awful as it may be, he has no qualms with hurting a child. “do my ears betray me?” he questions sharply, staring the kid down with that eye of his, lips slightly quirked. he’s livid, but he conceals it fairly well — the only telling part of his anger is how tense his jaw has become from clenching his teeth. if the child did not realize that he was talking to the secret lover of the prince, he sure does now. aemond slides his dagger out of its hidden holster on his hip, and when the child’s eyes widen, he almost lets out a breathy chuckle; he swallows it deep down and decides on a warning: “say it again and i will have your tongue.” the moment the child is gone (and thoroughly terrified), aemond takes in your almost shocked expression. “it was a jest,” he concludes coolly as he sheathes the dagger; you know it was anything but. a smirk graces his lips as he takes your chin between his forefinger and thumb: "though considering the circumstances,” he whispers, “i would count him lucky, my lady.”

𝐀𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐍

like his mother and aemond, aegon certainly has favoritism when it comes to someone being a “bastard.” he would laugh hysterically if it was directed at his nephews. if it were you though? his woman? it’s another story. quick to anger, aegon’s face screws up the moment the child taunts you. he can be lazy and sullen, yes, choosing alcohol over confrontation any day and drowning in cups — but if someone said that shit to you? he’s suddenly very responsive. impulsively, aegon slaps the child across the face. not only is he upset, but he’s slow to forgive, so don’t expect him to feel bad. he winds back around after, not even giving the kid a second glance when they start to cry. “what? he’ll be fine,” aegon murmurs upon seeing your expression of surprise. he lets out a derisive snort and grabs you protectively by the wrist, pulling you along; no one shall lay a single insult on anything (or in this case, anyone) that aegon claims his own. “if i had it my way, that little shit’s parents would be searching the seven hells for him.” then, after shooting you a vengeful grin, he leans in to whisper hotly into your ear. “when i’m king, i’ll be sure they are the first to go.” 

#hotd imagines #rhaenyra targaryen x reader #rhaenyra x reader #daemon targeryen x reader #daemon x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x reader #jace targaryen x reader #jace x reader #alicent hightower x reader #alicent x reader #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon x reader #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targaryen #jace targaryen #aemond targaryen #aegon targaryen #house of the dragon #house of the dragon imagines #millie’s works — 📓

[rarastmblr]

“I'll wait. I'll always wait.”

#Pairing? Teru Minamoto x FEM!Reader

#Sypnosis. Your boyfriend finds out you've been keeping a secret from him, how does he react?

#Tags. The overused trope of three (in this case, two) of the boy's fangirls bullying his girlfriend lmao, Akane Aoi and Aoi Akane is here‼️

—This post was requested by anon. Thank you for requesting! 💕 I don't think this is exactly how you wanted Teru to find out, so I apologize for that! 😅

When you had confessed to Teru you thought you would be rejected too, just like the girls who had poured their hearts out when they wrote their love letters for him.

You expected to have your heart broken as you prepared for the words that would shatter your heart as if it was just a fragile plate.

Getting rejected by the handsome prince isn't the worst that you expect; it was the sheer embarrassment that you'd have to deal with as you walk down the halls of the school.

You could only wonder what had happened to the girls that had gotten rejected by him, were they able to quickly move on?

Unfortunately, unlike them, you surely aren't someone who is able to handle rejection lightly, especially if it's from him.

But— Thank the heavens! The result was much more fruitful than you thought it would be. Pushing the negative thoughts of what people would think aside, Teru accepted your confession.

The both of you had agreed to keep the relationship on the low because Teru had many fangirls— and you know what would possibly happen if they found out.

Teru is worried about what would happen to you. Some girls are driven by love to the point they take it too far if they heard news about their crush having a significant other.

That's what led to this — apparently, a certain someone found out about your relationship between Teru and spread the news to the girls, particularly the ones who were known to be obsessed over him.

“Are you seriously Minamoto-senpai's girlfriend?” Kyoko doubted, right after hitting you multiple times earlier along with her best friend Mayu.

“Oh gosh, he must've been out of his mind!” Mayu snorted. No, their parents must've been out of their minds for giving them names that contradicted their personalities. Though, you suppose it wasn't their parents fault their daughters grew up to be bitches a pain in the neck.

“Minamoto-senpai is too good for you, y'know? He's like a prince charming and you..” Right after finishing her sentence, Mayu grimaced: showing a face of disgust. “Don't let the rumours get into your head..”

Well, that's true.. No. You weren't going to be gullible with all the stanky comments Mayu and Kyoko were throwing at you. But it still does bring some tears into your eyes — not enough for them to roll down your face though.

Oh come on, Teru had just comforted you over your insecurities 2 days ago and just plain words from two girls were already melting down the wall of confidence that Teru built up.

“Augh, come on.. is the crybaby gonna cry again? This is just a routine now” Kyoko sneered, annoyed at the routine she herself made. If she thought bullying you was such a chore then why doesn't she just stop? She might as well just be sadistic.

Crybaby. That was the nickname they gave you when they started this mess; ever since they noticed that you were awfully close with Teru. Way before you and him started dating.

You stood up. Well, at least tried to. The bruises Kyoko and Mayu left on your legs didn't really do you any good. Mayu had already beat you into pushing you against the wall before you could stand up.

Just as the two girls were gonna start berrating you again, a cough was heard from behind. The two turned around to see the one and only Akane Aoi. The two froze in fright, wondering what she was going to do.

Her petite figure walked up to the three of you, her indigo hair tied up into two circle sections behind her head as usual. Aoi stared at you with an expression Kyoko and Mayu couldn't read.

Kyoko and Mayu's next move proved that they were idiots. “Akane-san! The princess of the school! Wanna join us over here?” Kyoko suggested, earning a confused look from the indigo-haired girl.

“This little minx sitting on the dirty floor over here is supposedly dating the one and only Teru Minamoto. Could you believe how absurd that rumour is!? Especially since you and Minamoto-kun dated before..” Mayu babbled. Where did she get that information from? As far as you knew, Teru and Aoi never felt any romantic feelings towards each other. Akane would fume at the thought of that.

“What are you talking about?” Aoi looked like she was gonna burst at any moment, well, at least she looked like she was in your perspective. Because of Kyoko and Mayu not being one of Aoi's close friends, the two bullies in front of you wouldn't be able to relate with you being able to read Aoi and her expressions.

“I heard—” “Whatever you're gonna babble next, just shut up. This bathroom is already reeking because of the stank you and Kyoko are emitting. It'd stink more if you open your mouth again.” Aoi shut Mayu up, already fed up with the two girls in front of her.

“It's best you leave (name)-chan alone, unless you want this audio tape sent to the supreme student council office, where Minamoto-senpai would hear it.”

Hearing Teru's name and seeing Aoi shoving a videotape into their faces — repeating everything they said to you, the two girls quickly dashed out of the area.

It was just you and Aoi now. You stared at her as if she hung up the stars, bowing and thanking her profusely again and again for saving you from them. Aoi only crouched down and helped you to stand up. She then put your arm around her shoulder, guiding you as you two walk together towards the nurse's office.

The nurse's office wasn't far. Lucky day for you. It wasn't like you were dreading the time you were walking with Aoi anyway, while you were walking earlier, she had wiped off your tears and helped bring back a smile on your face. She joked about how the two girls didn't have any room to talk to you even — they literally are in the lowest ranks in the class when it comes to intelligence, while you and Aoi are in the top 10.

The nurse was generous (she always is) to have you excused to any of last the classes you had, and with Aoi's help, the teacher agreed to just sign you as ‘excused’.

When it was time to go home, the bruises on your legs have already healed a lot more than you expected. You thanked the nurse and grabbed your back (that Aoi dropped off earlier) so that you can head back home.

Unexpectedly, Aoi was there just as you opened the door of the nurse's office to leave. She said that she'd walk with you on the way home, as the both of your houses were close to each other.

“Where's Nene-chan?” You asked her.

“Hmm.. I don't know either. She's been spending a lot of time in the bathroom lately, do you think my story about Hanako-san took a toll on her?” Aoi responded. The thought of a ghost in the girl's bathroom sent chills down your spine — At least Hanako-san is a girl though, well, rumoured to be.

“AO-CHAN~!!” Ah, you knew that voice. Turning around in sync with Aoi, Akane walked up to you guys with a smile on his face. Though you felt like you were third wheeling..

A conversation started with Akane and Aoi as the three of you were walking. Akane invited himself to walk the both of you home (by both he definitely just meant Aoi, you didn't really care though).

Aoi didn't see a way to escape from this, the three of your houses were close and there wasn't an excuse she could make up except for “We're gonna have a girl's night. Only girls are allowed” and Akane would just unknowingly counter her by saying “I'm only walking with you until you arrive at your house, it'll be fine!”

The walk back home ended with Akane trying to have a long conversation with Aoi, only for it to be a short conversation. He'd try over and over again while you are just there; observing the two of them. Sometimes you'd often see Aoi's eyes light up more than they usually do, so you didn't bother to include yourself into their conversations.

Though, you really did want to ask what Aoi was going to be doing tomorrow. Tomorrow's Saturday after all, meaning no school to stress about.

*Audio file sent* ...What the hell?

Teru didn't know what to say or feel at the moment. He was just cooking for his siblings earlier right now and they are eating joyfully like a happy family. (Cue Kou excusing himself to go to the bathroom to barf)

A single audio file ruined his evening — even worse that what happened in the audio file had something to do with his girlfriend.

He messaged you, not to ask if the audio was real, he already had enough evidence. But to ask you if you were okay. You replied once he greeted you, but left him on read as soon as he typed the message: ‘Akane and Akane-san informed me about what happened to you today. Can we talk about it? Please?’ He spammed you with messages. He was worried.

After a while, his messages were left on sent. ‘..I'll be visiting you tomorrow.’ That was his last messaged before Teru had turned off his phone. As he looked up, expecting to see Kou and Tiara, he realized he was sthe only one sitting in the dinner table. Where did they go?

You were nervous. It was the crack of dawn and you checked to see Teru's messages again, only to be left frightened because of the news that he'll be visiting you.

No. It wasn't like your parents had any issues with your boyfriend or anything, they loved him. What you were nervous about was the inevitable conversation that is going to happen today.

You weren't very much of a productive person during the weekdays, so you opted to take a bath later instead of right now in the early morning. Not like Teru would mind anyway.

It wasn't long before 7:47 AM, exactly the time Teru arrived at the doorstep of your home. Your mom, though surprised that your boyfriend unexpectedly visited so early, welcomed him warmly.

Before your mom could lead him to the living room so he could sit down while she goes to your room to call for you, he already saw you taking a sneak peak of him from the stairs. Immediately, as if in a emergency, Teru excused himself and hurriedly walked upstairs to your room almost tripping halfway.

“..Young love~” You mother sighed in happiness for her daughter.

“I don't know, it kind of looks like they're gonna break up.” Your father broke your mom from her dream of you getting married to Teru.

“Don't say that!” She hissed at him, grabbing her slipper—

“Please let me in sweetheart,” Teru begged in a soft tone, not wanting to overwhelm you with everything that was happening.

You cracked the door open slightly. You saw him smile reassuringly. You then opened it enough for Teru to walk in, as Teru is finally inside he waited for you to close your door. He knew you liked it best when conversations between you and him were in private.

“You could've just called.. you didn't have to come here.” You told him, only to be countered by his next words.

“I knew you wouldn't reply anyway when you hear my voice from the phone.” Teru responded, only to get a playful hit from you.

“So..” The room was silent as you locked your door for privacy, fearing that one of you're parents would possibly walk in.

“How long has this bullying been going on for?” Teru asked as he walked closer to you, holding your hand in his and rubbing his thumb across your knuckles.

“..Way before you and I started dating.” You answered truthfully, it was better to speed up this conversation than to slower it down and tell lies.

At that, Teru froze. “Why didn't you tell me?” Almost immediately, Teru used his other hand (the one not holding yours) to wipe away the tears that were starting to brim in your eyes.

Teru knew you like he knew his own mind. He knew that you were getting overwhelmed and we're crying because of it. He could almost predict every move that you were gonna do.

Teru smiled at you softly, then gently held the back of your head. Sobs that came out of your mouth turned muffled as he gently pushed your face into his t-shirt. You wrapped your arms around him, feeling a sense of comfort.

“If you don't want to talk about it now, then that's okay. There's no use dwelling on the past.” Teru muttered as he kissed the top of your head. “I'll deal with those girls at school. You won't have anything to worry about.”

Teru continues to comfort you through your muffled sobs, you hear a series of “shh” and words of encouragement throughout the whole ordeal.

Teru tilted your head up to meat his eyes and wiped away any tears still on your face. Also, he used his shirt to wipe of your snot too — much to your embarrassment.

After that he peppered your face with kisses, resulting into the two of you cuddling in your bed the rest of the morning. But your mom called the two of you down stairs when she noticed you haven't eaten breakfast yet.

The rest of the day ended with Teru hanging out with you and your family. Teru invited you to go on a date tomorrow — his treat ofcourse (nothing changed, he was always the one who pays). Tiara decided to come along that day, not that you minded.

Sunday passed, and the walk to school with Aoi was peaceful if you just ignore Akane in the background. The bruises have healed, thanks to your mom and Teru. Dad was the one stressing over the many things he had to buy from the store and pharmacy.

“You look better now. Guessing the talk between you and Minamoto-senpai went well?” Aoi asked as the two of you were at the school gate. Akane got called by the other student council's to hurry up because of an urgent early meeting.

“It went very well.” I answered, giving her a thankful smile. “Thanks again, for protecting me that day..”

“No need.” The two of you walked towards the classroom. “Oh! Nene-chan is finally here!” Aoi chimed, delighted to see her friend. Her absence in classes made her seem like she went missing.

You followed Aoi as she went to converse with Nene. You also gave out some opinions and thoughts about the topic the three of you were conversing about, but only like once or six times since you really didn't know a lot about supernaturals.

The teacher finally arrived, students immediately went to go sit down on their seats. Akane was still busy with the student council meeting you suppose. But what was weird is Kyoko and Mayu not being there chattering, judging everyone in their field of view as if they had any room to talk.

#teru minamoto x reader #tbhk teru #teru minamoto #minamoto teru #tbhk minamoto #tbhk #tbhk manga #reader #teru x reader #tbhk x reader #Yashiro Nene #Aoi Akane #Akane Aoi #Kou Minamoto #Tiara Minamoto #support divider by #@/cafekitsune

[notfreetoday]

The Importance of Amae in My Personal Weatherman

Masterlist || Language Analysis Part 1

I have seen a lot of discourse in the English-speaking fandom surrounding Segasaki's apparent dismissal or trivializing of Yoh's desire to pursue his manga, and most of it is negative. His comments about wanting Yoh to remain dependent on him, or that Yoh does not need to earn money are seen as patronizing or controlling at best and oppressive at worst. It appears that Segasaki does not understand nor respect Yoh's need for independence, and that is what strains their relationship.

But what if I asked you to consider that Segasaki's behaviour is actually an invitation to Yoh to reinforce their relationship? And what if I told you that Yoh's withdrawal from Segasaki constitutes a rejection of that invitation, and it is that rejection that strains their relationship instead?

Of course, the end result is the same - a strained relationship - and in reality there is never one side wholly responsible for this. The point of this is to simply challenge the cultural notion that a successful relationship is the coming together of two equally independent individuals, as opposed to the co-creation of a relationship formed by two interdependent individuals.

"If only you could stay drunk forever..." "It's okay to feel down again for me too you know" - Segasaki, Ep 4, Ep 5

This isn't about Segasaki wanting to keep Yoh is helpless and dependent on him, but about wanting Yoh to be able to be true to his feelings and express his own desire for affection honestly, without having to hide behind "I hate you" or rejection.

Or, let's try and talk about how Segasaki and Yoh reinforce their relationship through the use of amae (featuring a brief mention of tatemae/honne) who am I kidding this is not brief at all

First: Cultural Context

The way people conceptualize and make meaning of the Self differs between Western and East Asian cultures, and this plays into the differences we see in the basis for our self-esteem, the personal attributes that we value, and even what constitutes the behavior of a mature individual. Broadly speaking, Western cultures tend towards the Independent Self Construal (whereby the Self is a distinct entity separate from others) whereas East Asian cultures tend towards Interdependent Self-Construal (whereby the Self is connected to and defined by relationships with others). Thus, in the West, expressing one's individuality is very important for one's self-esteem, and being able to communicate clearly and confidently is valued and a sign of maturity. Conversely, in the East, one's ability to integrate and become a member of the group is prized, and contributes significantly to one's self esteem. In order to be seen as a mature individual, one must learn not only to read a social situation but also how to modify one's behavior in order to respond to the changing demands of that situation, with the ultimate goal being to maintain group harmony.

tl;dr - In East Asian culture, behaviors and attitudes that emphasize interdependence and promote group harmony actually play a big role in reinforcing relationships and one's membership towards the group.

Segasaki is an expert at this - his "public mode" that Yoh refers to actually shows us how good he is at social interactions. This is the Japanese concept of tatemae/honne (crudely translated as public self/private feelings) - which I could link to a bunch of articles for you, but I'm going to suggest you check out this 9 min street interview instead. At 6:41, one of the interviewees comments that another is sunao, or "honest" (we'll cover this later too) and at 6:49 specifically talks about how reading situations is important as an adult. Segasaki reads the room well, but most importantly, he reads Yoh well.

Yoh is not good at this, at all. In Ep 6, we see that he does not integrate well with the group, and he doesn't realize how he might appear to others when he stares and sketches from afar. Yoh does not read the room well because he doesn't pick up on social cues and does not adhere to social norms (I'll point these out in Ep 6's corrections). He cannot read Segasaki, and especially cannot read Segasaki's amae, or his attempts at reinforcing their relationship. Part of this is because his low self-esteem causes him to withdraw from Segasaki's affection as a means of self-protection, and so he valiantly tries to deny his feelings for Segasaki. As Man-san commented in Ep 4, Yoh is not sunao - he has difficulty with being true/honest about his feelings, even to himself.

Sunao is another term that usually pops up when talking about feelings/relationships. It can be used to describe one's relationship with oneself, as well as the relationship with another/group. With oneself, it is usually used to mean "being honest/truthful/straightforward/frank/open-minded about one's feelings". With another person/group, it is usually used to mean "to cooperate/listen/be obedient, or "to be humble/open-minded". In essence, the word encompasses an ideal virtue that is often taught from early childhood - that we should treat both ourselves and others with humility and honesty, because that is how we accept ourselves and stay in harmony with other. This is what becoming an adult, or gaining maturity, means (not gaining independence, as adulthood is often equated to in the West - do you see a running theme here 😂). Of course, that's actually really hard to do, so you'll often hear children (and immature adults too) chided for "not being sunao" (this can therefore sound patronizing if you're not careful). We'll revisit this in a little bit.

Second: What is Amae?

Amae is a key component in Japanese relationships, both intimate and non-intimate. It happens every day, in a variety of different interactions, between a variety of different people. But it is often seen as strange or weird, and those unfamiliar with the concept can feel uncomfortable with it. This stems from the difference in self-construal - because independence is tied so strongly to an individual's self-image in the West, it is very hard to fathom why behavior that emphasizes interdependence could be looked upon favorably. It is telling that every possible English translation of the word "amae" carries a negative connotation, when in Japanese it can be both negative or positive. The original subtitles translated it as "clingy", for example. Other common translations include "dependence", "to act like a child/infant", "to act helpless", "to act spoiled", "coquettish", "seeking indulgence", "being naive" etc.

From A Multifaceted View of the Concept of Amae: Reconsidering the Indigenous Japanese Concept of Relatedness by Kazuko Y Behrens

*Note - the word "presumed" or "presumption" or "expectation" or "assumption" used in the above definition and in the rest of this post, can give the impression that all of amae is premeditated, which adds a calculative component to this concept. Whilst amae can indeed be used in a manipulative manner (benign or otherwise), it is not the case for every single situation, and often amae that seeks affection is often spontaneous and without thought, precisely because the situation allows for it to appear organically. This is the amae that Segasaki and Yoh most often exchange - so think of these assumptions and expectations as "unconscious/subconscious" thought processes.

Third: Amae Between Segasaki and Yoh

Yoh shows a lot of amae when he is drunk:

He whines, buries himself into Segasaki's embrace, refuses to move or let go of him, and keeps repeating "no". In these interactions, Yoh wants Segasaki's affection, but instead of asking, he does, well, this, and he presumes that Segasaki will indulge his behavior. Leaving to get some fresh air might not be as obvious - but it is a form of amae as well, because Man-san is his guest, not Segasaki's, and he shouldn't be leaving Segasaki to entertain her. The expectation that this is okay, and that neither of them will fault him for it, is what makes it amae.

Segasaki obviously enjoys indulging Yoh when Yoh does amae, because he recognises this as Yoh's request for affection from him. It's not that Segasaki enjoys Yoh in this drunk, helpless state; it's not even that Segasaki feels reassured by Yoh's requests for affection. Segasaki knows Yoh likes him, and recognizes that Yoh is struggling with those feelings. That Yoh is actually able to do amae to Segasaki is what delights him the most, because it is something that requires a lot of trust in Segasaki and a willingness to be vulnerable in front of him. This is how amae reinforces relationships - when a request for amae is granted, both the giver and the receiver experience pleasant feelings.

That said, an amae request can also be perceived negatively - if amae is excessive, or if the person responding feels they are obligated to do so. In Ep 5, Man-san chides Yoh for his amae - the fact that he expected to do well from the beginning, and became upset when he failed. He told her about his unemployment, presuming that she would comfort him, but alas.

Segasaki also does amae - but unfortunately Yoh misses many of his cues, and so neither of them really gain pleasant feelings from the interaction (ok so maybe Segasaki does, but I will argue that is more because Segasaki also enjoys it when Yoh obeys him - see @lutawolf's posts for the D/s perspective on this!).

Did you catch it? Segasaki wants Yoh to pass him the Soy Sauce, which, clearly, he is capable of getting himself. He tells Yoh to feed him, because he wants Yoh's affection. And the real kicker - he asked for curry, and expected Yoh to know he wanted pork. In all these interactions, Segasaki presumes that Yoh will indulge him and do for him things he can do himself perfectly well (and even better at that) - this is what makes this amae. But look at Yoh's reactions:

Yoh just stares between the Soy Sauce and Segasaki, between Segasaki and his food, and then just at Segasaki himself. He doesn't recognise any of this as amae, and in the case of feeding Segasaki makes the conclusion that this is somehow a new slave duty he's acquired. And therefore, he does not gain pleasant feelings from it.

In Ep 3 we see a turning point in Yoh's behaviour - his first (sober) attempt at amae (the argument in Ep 2 is debatable - it's not amae from Yoh's POV, but Segasaki responds as if it were, with a head pat and a "when you get drunk, you talk a lot don't you?").

Here, Yoh wants to express his desire for Segasaki's affection, but he can't bring himself to say it aloud. Instead, he dumps bedsheets on Segasaki's lap, as if the bigger the scene he makes the greater the intensity of his desire he can convey. It is the presumption that Segasaki will understand him that makes this amae. And then, we get this:

Not only a happy Segasaki and a sweetly shy Yoh, but also a Yoh who's emboldened by Segasaki's response, and who finally, for the first time, reciprocates touch, and considers the possibility that Segasaki might actually like him.

With every episode, Yoh gets more and more comfortable with doing amae towards Segasaki, because Segasaki picks up on his cues and always responds to them. In Ep 5, Yoh's amae comes out naturally, triggered by the stress of his unemployment, and we see it in all those moments he sounds and acts like a child, and as I mentioned, Segasaki spends the whole episode reassuring Yoh that his amae is welcomed, and that Segasaki likes responding to it. If you've been wondering why the relationship between Segasaki and Yoh can, at times, feel somewhat parental in nature - this is it. It's because Segasaki sees the contradiction between Yoh's childlike insistence that he does not like Segasaki and his desire for Segasaki's attention and affection, for what it really is - Yoh's struggle with accepting himself. When Yoh is able to be sunao, he does amae naturally, and Segasaki responds to him in kind.

Now, all we need is for Yoh to recognize when Segasaki does amae, which will likely happen soon, given that Yoh has grown with every episode.

As always, thank you for reading :))

#my personal weatherman #taikan yohou #体感予報 #segasaki x yoh #MPW language analysis #sociolinguistics #japanese language #japanese cultural tidbits #mytranslations #MPW subtitle corrections #my meta is creeping into my sub corrections #need to get it out here instead #sorry for the length #tbh posting such crazy long posts and expecting that people will actually read it #can be considered amae too 🤣🤣 #Ep 6 corrections will be out next #I just needed to get this out before 7 #and i sorta made it

[emeritusemeritus]

Call me by your name [Fred Weasley x Malfoy!Reader]

Pairing: FredWeasley x Malfoy!Reader

Timeline: OOTP, reader and twins are in their 7th year.

Summary: Malfoy!Reader had been successfully hiding her secret relationship with Fred Weasley for years. What happens when Fred no longer wants to hide? Cue angsty breakup and makeup fic!

Warnings: Mentions of deatheaters, Umbitch, negative commentary of status and wealth. House divide, negative talk of Slytherins. Abusive parents. Sorry Narcissa, I actually like you. Mentions of arranged marriages, swearing, public declarations of love. DA and inquisitorial squad mentions.

Word count: 3.4k

This came from a wonderful request from my dear @kellyxo1, as always thank you so much for your wonderful request, hope this is okay!🖤

The air in the stuffy old Manor House was unbearably cold and stale, much like the family that resided there. The home of the Malfoy family, much like their surname, was figure of stature and tradition, a paragon of social status that oozed wealth and importance on account of their pure-blood status. Each member of the family had been selected by the sorting hat upon their arrival at Hogwarts to enter into the house of Slytherin, a fact the family was most proud of, another ode to their pure-blood roots and continued beliefs. Every malfoy had followed in the footsteps of the previous generation, marrying into other pure-blood families as to keep the bloodline strong, fraternising with equally powerful families that held the same beliefs, each out to gain and maintain status in the wizarding community.

"He's younger than me!" You shriek, you left arms lifting into the air as you look upon the stiff and unemotional faces of your parents who stand by the edge of your bed, delivering the news.

"Blaise is a fine boy and he shall make a fine husband," your father says, as if he truly believed the words that he was speaking. "He's from a long line of Slytherin's, a good student and a promising young wizard."

"He's a complete twat," you argued, taking a seat on the edge of your bed, completely exasperated by the conversation you were forced to endure with your parents.

"It's only two years difference," your mother says, trying to remain at least diplomatic as your father gave you a thunderous look for your selection of language.

"He's a friend of Draco's! It's archaic and barbaric." You added, trying to express your disgust at the very thought but it was immediately apparent that your parents did not share in your distaste, nor understand it.

"Young lady!" Your father hissed in displeasure, the veins on his head looking fit to burst.

"I just don't understand why I have to marry someone with status," you say, in a calm and somewhat emotionless voice, realising that your emotive reaction was doing no favours here. "I don't understand why I have to be married at all, much less to somewhat that wasn't my choice."

"We want the best for you," your mother adds, her hands clasped in front of her as her gaze flicks between you and your father. It's a blatant lie, a way of manipulating you into following their path but it wouldn't work, not this time.

"Then let me make my own choices," you retort, not meeting their eyes.

"So you can run back to that blood traitor?" Your father all but screams, his temper exploding as he throws his cane, narrowly missing the house elf that was tending to the paintings in the hallway just outside of your door. He storms off in a flurry of black robes, almost growling under his breath as you hear his heavy footsteps marching angrily away.

The mention of Fred makes your stomach roil dangerously, filling you with hatred for your family, for the life you'd been born into. You don’t know how they came to know about your situation, but you detested their use of it against you. The anger dissipates slightly as you watch your mother perch on the side of your bed, hands still folded in her lap as she looks at you with a conflicted expression.

"We just want what's best," your mother repeats but you interject, frustrated by her attempt to keep pushing the matter you were so obviously not open to discussing.

"You had your chance! You chose to marry for money and status," you replied, a harsh tone to your voice that you'd seldom used at your mother.

"I didn't have a choice!" She says, her voice coming out like a hiss as her resolve drops so that you finally see her fraying nerves.

You pause, taking a moment to really see your mother as a young woman that was in your position so many years ago.

"If it's so bad why would you want that for your own daughter?" You ask, trying to appeal to her though your emotional delivery, trying to reach out for that young woman who must have felt exactly how you did right now.

She refuses to meet your eyes, nor answers your question. You realise very quickly that you're getting nowhere and never would. All emotions exit you as you look upon your mother feeling no love or affection, nor receiving any in return.

As you looked upon the vision of your mother and thought of your fathers reaction, you felt an empty void of emotion where love should be. The chasm of happy memories was empty, at least when it came to your family.

Right then you thought of Molly and Arthur, of the whole family and the strong, foundational outpouring of love in which the family was built around. Two people that loved one another deeply, building a life and a family, creating a warm and loving home for their children to thrive in.

They'd be celebrating Christmas right now, with gorgeous homemade food and handmade presents, surrounded by love and laughter and maybe the occasional cross word.

Poor in wealth but rich with love; and you would always chose that over this.

"I refuse to marry Blaise Zabini or any other pure blood suitor you deem acceptable," you say matter of factly, your voice completely void of emotion as you made your point clear. "I'll make my own choices in life. You may not have been strong enough to resist the pressure but I am, I refuse to be forced into a loveless marriage and live out a miserable existence like you."

"You're no daughter of ours," your mother sneers. "No. I'm not."

Later that night, you lay in your dark and dreary bedroom, looking around at the bare, lifeless walls that held no sentiment nor icon of your personality, your life. You thought of Fred and George's bedroom and how cluttered it must be, with all their quidditch memorabilia and Weasley products lying around. They'd have bedspreads that had been knitted for them, fresh sheets that smelt like their home and little trinkets around the room that had been collected throughout their lives. You had none of that, even down to the colourless and scentless sheets on your bed. You thought of Fred often, the boy you loved more than anything in the world. The boy that had seen past your surname and your Slytherin placement and still loved you regardless. He hadn't been prejudiced or hateful, nor had he used you to gain status in the Wizarding community. He simply loved you because he loved you.

Loved.

Memories flashed behind your eyes of happier times, your relationship strengthening over the years until you were completely infatuated with each other, planning your futures in hushed whispers and promising secrets. You could be yourself around Fred, completely unashamed of the things you'd believed for so long to be personal failures and character faults.

You'd been together since your fifth year, unable to deny the attraction any longer. You'd started sneaking around, stolen kisses in the secret passageways, sneaking out after hours, notes slipped into pockets, fingers grazing as you walked past eachother pretending the other didn't exist. You secretly cheered for each and every hit he'd administer on the quidditch pitch, every dive and skilful deflection of the bludger. Though you couldn't cheer or support him outright, you always kept a little something on you in Gryffindor red that you both knew meant that you were there for him.

After a while, you told your small group of friends and Fred told his, including his siblings. There were tensions at first, of course there was, but after seeing how good for each other you were, of how happy you were together, the grievances quickly quietened.

His friends became yours too, a real and honest group of friends that too could rely on, share with and care for in return.

You didn't have to hide anymore, at least not with them. But Slytherins much like their name were mostly all vicious snakes, with sharp tongues and deceitful tendencies. You couldn't let them know, couldn't allow them to spoil the singular good thing you had in your life and so for the most part, your relationship remained hidden to the wider school.

It was exciting at first, rebelling against the restrictive and domineering upbringing you were forced into. You weren't like your parents or Draco, or any members of your family really. You were certainly no deatheater and didn't hold the same disgusting values that they did. Blood trainers, mud bloods, muggleborns or muggles, everyone should have the right to be treated the same, to live their life without fear or prejudice.

Fred knew, he knew you weren't one of them, that you were better, different than your name but also that you couldn't step out of line for fear of the repercussions you'd face. Or at least, you thought he understood.

Your seventh year at Hogwarts, your last. The last hurdle to get through before you could truly be your own person and break away from the chains of being a Malfoy. You had a plan, carefully and slowly formulated for years for the eventual day you'd be your own person and free to make your own choices, leaving your family behind. Your world would gain colour and warmth instead of the cold and monochrome world you felt you loved in. Only, it wouldn't happen now, at least not as you always planned it.

Things had been going so well, you were on track to ace your NEWTS, your relationship with Fred was almost blissful and with everything happening behind the scenes, it kept your parents busy and mostly out of your way. But then it all started to crack when Fred became Fred up of sneaking around, becoming paranoid and suspicious of your true intentions. You'd tried your hardest to squash these intrusive thoughts, to calm his nerves and to show him just exactly how much you wanted him but for so many reasons you couldn't be open about it. He'd face repercussions too, not just you. But he didn't see it that way, said he didn't care, that he just wanted to be able to be in love without having to hide it.

The last nail in the proverbial coffin came when Umbridge turned up and tried imposing her disgusting views upon the students, altering the curriculum and moving in favour of the deatheaters under the guise of ministry control. You'd joined Dumbledore's Army without a scone thought, knowing it was the right thing to do. The only Slytherin who was invited to join, their trust in you appreciated. But then Umbridge had formed the inquisitorial squad and you'd never felt a more painful divide in your life. Your younger brother had proudly joined, sadistically enjoying the power he was bestowed with. The danger of being discovered , found to be a traitor and the consequences of that were almost enough to make you quit the DA, but you persevered with increasingly fraying nerves.

You were stressed, tormented by the divide in your life and the conflicting expectations of you with no outlet to express your frustrations.

So you did what you had to do and fought harder to keep your relationship a secret, to keep the one good thing in your life away from the dementor-like happiness stealing of your family. The Christmas holidays were coming up and your anxiety was peaking at having to spend an extended amount of time away from your boyfriend and friends and have to go back to that dreary manor with your even drearier family. Fred could tell that something was up with you, that you were unhappy, tense and quiet but he never stopped to read between the lines, to see the big picture. Instead, his insecurities began to plague him again until one day you both snapped.

"I just don't understand why we still have to hide!" He says with a frustrated growl, pinching the area between the bridge of his nose and his eyebrows.

"Because I can't be without you!" You say back, voice raising to a dangerous level as you become irritated at having the same conversation over and over again. "If my family find out that's it, they'll force me to stop dating you, lock me away. I'll never be able to leave then."

"So what, I'm just a part of your plan? A stepping stone for you to break away and then as soon as you're free you can throw me away? Thanks for that mate, sorry to using you and all," he mocks, only furthering your anger that you're painfully trying to repress.

"Using you? You think that's what this is? You think you're just a pawn for me, even after two years of loving you?"

"You tell me," he says, eyes dark.

"Unbelievable," you say under your breath, closing your eyes as you take a seat on one of the wooden crates down in the passageway between the staircases and Honeydukes, your regular spot.

"Or are you embarrassed by me, is that it? The poor, scruffy Weasley boy that fell for the rich, beautiful Malfoy. The prophet would have a field day, wonder if they'll make us into a film," he rants, a vicious side appearing in his tone. "The deatheater and the peasant."

"How dare you!" You say, standing up in a fit of rage, squaring up to him like you'd never done before; the insult he'd so readily dished out feeling like a blast to the heart. "I'm no more a death eater than you are you prick! You think I'm embarrassed of you? I think you're ashamed of me, ashamed that you fell for the bad seed, the villain. I think you can't stand that I'm a Malfoy and you know it. My surname bothers you much more than your's bothers me."

"Yeah maybe it does."

Silence. His words are met with sheer silence, except for the pounding of your breaking heart. I'm your worst nightmares you'd never expected those words to fall from his lips, for him to admit the thing you'd been fearing the most since your crush of him started to bloom. You were tainted goods, a person that tried her hardest to be good that would always be haunted and spoiled by her name.

"No, no sweetheart I didn't mean, I don't think that," he began backtracking, realising that he'd gone way too far this time. "It makes me crazy that I can't shout from the bloody roof that you're mine no matter how much I want to. I don't care that you're a... Malfoy," he says, reaching out for you to hold you close, knowing that he was hanging by a thread here.

You're quiet for a moment as you take in his words, unsure of how to proceed.

"Maybe you're right, about it all," you paused. "But if you wanted me to believe all that, you should have said my surname with less disgust."

You turned around walked away, ignoring his calls, barely holding yourself together until you made it back to your dormitory and finally allowing yourself to sob. You should have known you could never be happy, it was ridiculous to think that anyone could ever get past the fact that you were born to be bad.

The week that followed before the holiday was sheer torture. You gathered sympathetic looks front your friends, or rather Fred's friends but were unable to get any actual comfort as you couldn't fraternise with the social enemy.

Fred however, hadn't spared you a single glance since that evening in the tunnel, the fight that had ended your relationship, or so it seemed. He went back to pretending you didn't exist, believing your harsh words all to easily. He'd said things on his side too but you thought, stupidly, that you'd be able to explain that you were simply retaliating. Apparently he wouldn't give you a chance to explain.

"Maybe you're right, about it all."

Those words haunted you, cut you deeper than any splinching ever could. If only you'd pushed down your anger, never said those words, he'd still be yours. But now he wasn't.

Christmas break was miserable, even more so than usual as you sat alone in your bedroom, physically and mentally distanced from any sense of company.

You though of Fred often, wondering what he was up to, wondering if he was happy. You hoped his dad was okay after hearing through the grapevine about his attack. You hoped that even if it was just a little, that he was missing you.

When you got back to school, you were just as miserable and separated from your peers as you were at home. The friendship group you'd built up of good people still have you distanced smiles and sympathetic glances but you felt the distance more than ever. It lasted for a few days before you'd had enough, completely depleted and in need of something good back, you needed Fred. You tried to think of ways to get him alone, to explain but you couldn't think of anything. You sat in the Great Hall, completely separated from your Gryffindor friends and sat between two of the most bearable Slytherins you could find, trying to ignore the boasting and mockery your brother was bestowing a little further up the table.

It makes me crazy that I can't shout from the bloody roof that you're mine no matter how much I want to.

You looked around you, considering your options. It wasn't a rooftop per se, but it would do.

You climbed up on the table, unfazed by the cries of outrage of the people around you as you ascended, trying to be mindful of the plates and glasses on the table. Draco shouts at you to get down, what are you doing, but much like always, you ignore him. The commotion began pulling people's attention towards you but you knew you had to make it quick because the faculty and teachers were starting to notice.

"I have something to say," you said, projecting your voice until you were certain you’d be heard across the hall. “I’ve been hiding something, for so long, something that never should have been hidden in the first place. I was scared and stupid. I’m a Malfoy, a Slytherin… but I’m completely and hopelessly in love with a Gryffindor.” You look up to where Fred is watching you with wide eyes, the first hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. Your eyes quickly flick over to George who is beaming at you, enjoying the demented display you were putting on, encouraging you to continue before you lost your nerve.

“Fred Weasley I’ve loved you since that bloody third year Quidditch match when George hit that bludger at Snape and you winked at me for laughing. You told me that we didn’t have to hide, that you’d shout from the rooftops, well this is the best I could do considering.”

Fred makes his way to you quickly, sensing that the teachers were on their way to inevitably punish you.

“You’re bloody insane woman,” he says with a laugh, unfazed by the entire hall watching you as he holds out his hand for you to come down. You smile at him, so happy to see him smile at you again, to hear his voice.

“Y/n Malfoy! Get down, get down! Detention!”

Instead of helping you down, Fred suddenly seizes your hand and uses you to pull himself up until he was also stood on top of the Slytherin table, cackling at the groans of the other slytherins around you.

“Mr Weasley, detention!”

“More time to spend with you,” he shrugs, smiling as he bends down to kiss you wildly in the middle of the hall as cheers erupt around you, making you both laugh into the kiss.

“It really doesn’t bother you that I’m a Malfoy?” You ask, suddenly bothered by what he’d said before as you pull away slightly. His hand holds your cheek as he smirks, shrugging his shoulders.

“Not gonna be a Malfoy for much longer, I plan on making you a Weasley as soon as possible.”

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[posletsvet]

Thoughts on Geto Suguru's Psychology Pre-Defection

There's something that I've been meaning to talk about for a while now, and that is Geto's apparent tendency to conceal his negative impulses that allows for, in my view, faulty interpretations stating that he was faking his righteous beliefs all along just because assuming high moral ground gave him a sense of superiority and fed his ego. Meanwhile I would argue that, on contrary, this habit is more indicative of Geto's insecurities and heightened sense of self-awareness.

My thoughts on this underneath the cut, but beware: it's going to be long!

To begin with, I think there are two major factors playing into the misconception that I mentioned. The first one boils down to prejudice forcing people to look upon younger Geto through the lense of a person he would go on to become. The kind of cautious logic that says that a deeply empathetic, caring highschooler couldn't have turned into a murderous cult leader preaching the merits of genocide, and thus seeks ways to dehumanize him from the very beginning (because that's a terrible concept to wrap your mind around, I agree). And the second factor being... well, that Suguru's behaviour really does come off as fake at times.

We experience 'negative' emotions as naturally as 'positive' ones, and despite some of them are conventionally accepted as 'good' whereas others are painted as 'bad', no emotion is inherently harmful or invalid; they all are a part of what makes us human. While it's undoubtedly a chilly and ominous concept for someone to be completely devoid of any positive traits, just as unnatural it is to display positive responses only. Perfection is stored away at museums, no living breathing human being can go through their life without being affected by negative impulses or thinking. But more often than not negative emotions are condemned and stigmatized (in the end, we still refer to them as 'negative'), and self-consciousness can make one ashamed or guilty of experiencing them. The end result of this would be trying to hide your feelings under one more appealing appearance, creating a warp between what's intuitive and what's manifest, an inadequate emotional response.

Gojo (at least in his teenage years) is widely outspoken and doesn't hesitate to outwardly express himself, whether verbally or via body language. It probably takes root in Gojo's upbringing: he was spoilt rotten, revered for being born with a silver spoon in his mouth, his every whim indulged and tended to. There simply wasn't any need for him to try and make a good impression by faking docility and emotions that are more pleasant and easier to digest. Gojo may be boisterous and bratty and obnoxious, but he isn't trying to 'trick' anyone into thinking he's better than he really is, and this paints a more sincere, believable picture to the audience.

On the other hand, Geto's emotions, partly due to his more solemn demeanour, are often toned down or consciously concealed. For instance, when Riko manages to strike a nerve in him, his response is to immediately plaster on mawkish 'customer service' smile to not give away his annoyance. This scene is especially interesting to me because of how Amanai's reaction gives voice to the audience's concerns. Referring to Suguru, she says, 'You look like a liar!' -- and by doing so calls him out on his tendency to mask negative emotions. Intuitively, she can still read his feelings in his body language, in the delay in his expression rearranging itself into a smile, and so can the viewer. We know he's annoyed, and his words about having no intention to harm Riko don't exactly align with how he behaves (even if in a playful manner) a moment after saying them. It creates a tangible contradiction between what he says his intentions are and what his actions speak of, between the appearances and what lies behind them. And this contradiction raises suspicion, in a way that if somebody's making an effort to hide something, then there must be something to hide.

In retrospect this doubt might seem reinforced and justified. I see how it's easy to fall into thinking that Geto, having become a criminal who's done unspeakably cruel things and who backs up his delusional ideals with bigoted reasoning, should've been hiding darker parts of himself behind all those fake smiles and talks about righteousness. But pinning the blame on Geto alone by claiming that he had violent tendencies to begin with is essentially disregarding systematic issues that the story strives so much to convey to the audience. Holding innate individual qualities accountable for the catastrophe is basically the sort of thinking that the higher-ups display, whose main strategy for dealing with problems is public scapegoating and disposing of every single threat to the current order by giving out one death sentence after the other. I don't think we as the viewers are supposed to reach the conclusion that Suguru is at fault for what happened, which is not to say he's faultless, nonetheless the narrative goes to great lengths to make us sympathize with him, not the other way around.

Now, there's really a handful of ways in which Geto's character seems to contradict himself. He shares overspilling empathy for the people around him, that is his character's core trait, but that very empathy spells out his downfall when it degrades into resentment and hate. He displays a largely considerate and sympathetic demeanour, but he's first introduced to the audience as someone who backhandedly bad-mouths Utahime for being weak. He's one half of the strongest duo, but whereas Gojo is a natural-born genius, Geto evidently struggles with his powers. His entire career as a curse user is based on the mentality which justifies the means to an end, but reaching the end goal is impossible for him as he is, Geto himself as much as admits to it during his last conversation with Satoru. He sets on his wild-goose chase for power, but ends up stagnating to the point where his use of Curse Manipulation in the Hidden Inventory Arc is much more inventive and creative than in Jujutsu Kaisen 0. The list goes on, but you got the gist.

To live for the purpose of being yourself. And for that goal, Geto could only continue to pursue his twisted dream, drowning himself in a curse that lies in the gap between ideal and reality.

I believe this to be such a poignant phrase when it comes to Geto's characterization because of how well, in my view, it encapsulates the conflict of his character -- or, if you will, the contradiction of it. It succinctly expresses his outlook on things, where he views the world how it's ideally supposed to be rather than how it realistically is. I've actually somewhat already elaborated on this in my very first rambling on here:

To me, Geto seems to be a type of person who needs something to guide him, some clear-cut ideal to make it possible for him to navigate through his life. He is pedantic in that sense: the sharp outlines of his views define his surroundings, the very way he looks at things and perceives them. He needs everything to fall precisely in line with his own set of ideals, which seems to be quite verified and well-adjusted within his mind, like a strict and refined concept he constructed for himself, like a routine he's used to following out of pure principal. His own belief system being so defined, it's that which makes him indulge in excessive discourse on the subject of morality and responsibility, like he's patiently laying out the basics in front of a disobedient child to help them wrap their mind around some fundamental truth that is so obvious and natural for him.

In a way, Geto concealing his negative emotions is not a false front put up against scrutinizing looks that could reveal his 'true nature'. Quite the opposite, I think it speaks more of his well-meaning intentions. When trying to change the way things are, start at yourself, and I guess this is the principle Geto's trying to apply here. By following through his own ideal, Geto does his best to be an upright person he believes himself obliged to be, whether that means forcing himself to absorb curses or putting on a customary smile. It might be juvenile and wishful thinking on his part, probably akin to 'fake it till you make it', but it's important to keep in mind that at that time he was still but a teenager. Moreover, he was put on par with somebody as praised within jujutsu society as Gojo, he must've felt on top of the world, too entranced by their warm spring of youth to care too much about the occasional slips. With Satoru by his side, I imagine Geto could afford to cut some slack and participate in the mischief. Later we see post-defection Geto drop his frivolous facade only when he's entirely alone -- another hint at how Gojo was really the only person Suguru allowed himself to confide in, that is untill the SPVI put uncrossable distance between them.

While I do say that Geto's intentions are well-meaning, the way he positions himself actually reveals some quite problematic aspects of his mindset. Namely, his attitude towards non-sorcerers, whom he clearly sets into a different category from himself and his fellow sorcerers. Regular people lack crucial understanding, they are weak because they are helpless, therefore they have to be shielded from the source of harm. This is a largely patronizing concept of empathy, since it's based on the notion that the 'weak' are inherently inferior to Geto himself and others involved in jujutsu society. It's interesting how it's reflected in Geto's insistence on the necessity of curtains. The use of curtains furthers the extent of non-sorcerers' ignorance, they never learn how to stay out of harm's way as they are deprived even of as much as their perception of the existing danger. It reminds me of how a parent would brush a child's concerns aside because they're too young and naive and do not need to be aware of adult life's hardships. Just like Geto's paternalistic outlook, it does not come from malice or negligence, it's just an attempt to keep someone less experienced and skilled safe. Nonetheless it's harmful as it puts that person in a position which denies them agency.

In my view, Suguru's fake smiles are an extension of his acute sense of responsibility. In front of those over whom he assumes responsibility, he presents himself as calm, collected and dependable as if it's supposed to reassure them. It's his job to protect them and make them feel safe, so there's no need showing them his own struggle. Even if such thinking is condescending, it's not in any way malicious. Geto's entire character arc would be simply non-existent if he wasn't completely genuine in his sentiments.

So why do I talk about Geto's insecurities when first introducing the topic of this post? Well, I'm about to take a deep dive into the field of speculation and theories and finally get to the point why I'm writing all this in the first place (took me long enough, lmao). There's also a reason why I brought up Gojo's upbringing when talking about his personality and how it contrasts Geto's. You see, like Satoru's way of dealing with his emotions can be linked to his childhood experience, Suguru's behaviour might also give us some clues about the circumstances he grew up in.

The more I look into it, the more convinced I become that Geto was in one way or another exposed to emotional trauma in his childhood. Remember when I mentioned inadequate emotional responses? While being one, smiling in reaction to stress may act as a defense mechanism of sorts, shielding the person from the chronic nature of the unpleasant experience. It also may serve as a way to avoid alienation by others who are not privy to the source of your distress or are not comfortable with it. Affiliative smiles are motivated by social factors, it's a tool used to create and maintain social connections. Human beings are hardwired to connect with others, feeling alienated by the people around us causes us great pain.

The thing us, we must assume that Geto is relatively new to the jujutsu world in the flashback arc. Given his non-sorcerer background, chances are he was the only one in his immediate surroundings with the ability to see and exterminate curses. There couldn't have been a way for him to confide in someone with his concerns and fears born from interacting with something only he could see. So I assume that eventually that resulted in Suguru developing an unhealthy habit of masking his emotions before the ones he cared about. And as over time he grew more aware of his abilities and got a grasp on how his CT works, I imagine Geto committed to exorcising curses in order to protect ordinary people from them -- all by himself. This, in turn, must have solidified that conception in Suguru's head which ultimately othered him from the people around him and put them in a position inferior to him since they were the ones depending on him and his powers.

As Geto should've mostly kept to himself, I also see how he might have grown heavily reliant on his analytical mind. Overthinking is a habit developed early on in life as a way to wade through feeling uncertain or unsafe. It's an attempt to make sense of confusing reality by applying an analytical lense to it and compartmentalizing it into neat, easily understandable categories. And also a way to regain sense of self when you find yourself in a situation you otherwhise have little to no control over. And while over-analyzing can create a sense of security, it may also interfere with a person's emotional responses. I guess it's something that could be applied to Geto, too, because for such a self-reflective character he always struck me as someone with oddly little regard of his own feelings.

As a side note, I like how Geto's tendency to over-analyze things is shown in that one scene when Yaga's briefing him and Gojo on the upcoming mission. Suguru's clearly presented as someone who's very mindful of how the world around him works. Understanding helps him assign meaning to different aspects of life, and he relies upon it heavily. Also, as someone who's been uprooted from his former society and introduced instead to an entirely different world, I guess it's important for Geto to fit in. Him being highly knowledgeable about such essential details is, in my view, indicative of such effort on his part. Whereas Satoru simply does not care about such details, the reality makes sense to him as it is as he was born perfectly fit into it.

Last but not least, Geto's infamously guilty of a dichotomous, or black-and-white, outlook on things. This is the all-or-nothing mentality that leaves little to no room for nuance and does not allow two opposite statements to be true at once. It's a common cognitive distortion that manifests immature thought; a rigid mindset more often than not bordering on extreme. Meanwhile the very foundation of Geto's downfall is the inability to adapt to the complicated reality which doesn't align perfectly with his idealistic vision. He ultimately failed to wrap his head around the world with grey areas, his black-and-white thinking thinking prevented him from doing so.

The development of such maladaptive personality traits has been repeatedly linked to the effects of childhood trauma. If the environment which a person grew up in was traumatic and chaotic, black-and-white thinking might have given them a sense of control through rationalization. That's why a mentality which doesn't allow for nuance and doesn't reflect life in its intricate complexity comes off as childishly simplistic. Seeing the world in all-or-nothing terms in some way means reverting to your inner child. And this is actually something that Shoko accuses Geto of during their brief conversation in Shinjuku. In his thinking Geto doesn't grow past his traumatic experience, whether it was his parents actively abusing his abilities for their own gain or the ache of being alienated at such an early age.

If the nature of Geto's relationship with his parents was abusive, it would also explain his altruism. Suguru goes out of his way to express his concern for well-being of those around him, and he does genuinely care, but all the while it could be a way for him to tend to his own unsatisfied needs by helping others. He seems to be highly attuned to others through his empathy, but also somewhat has trouble advocating for himself, resulting in harmful patterns of self-sacrifice or self-neglect.

It's true, there is a lot of contradictions housed within Geto's character, which are evident in his mindset and his actions. But I don't believe this to be due to sloppy writing, on contrary -- it's the kind of writing that speaks through detail and nuance and invites the reader to ponder why is this or that character the way they are.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk analysis #jjk meta #geto suguru #gojo satoru #might as well tag him #i'm so sorry it's way too long for something so irrelevent considering all the recent events #and it probably needs proper structuring #i guess i'll edit it some time eventually #maybe

[m-ayo-o]

emoji event 🍒💔🖤 : virgin!reader + breakup sex + suguru 18+ messed up emotional situation, depression mention, insensitive reader, good fuck w the saddest boy around :( wc 1k for @i-literally-cant-with-this !! ty for requesting this one was soooo hard

You've been pulling away from him for months.

He can feel the distance. 

Or perhaps he's pushing you… he finds it easy to blame himself these days, with the way he's been suffering. All the negative thoughts stacking up, one by one. With each curse he collects, another part of his soul dies. He wonders how much longer he can keep this up.

Either way, your relationship is going downhill.

Since you're a few years younger than him and he's your first boyfriend, he hasn't been pushy with you physically and you've never even had sex all this time.

But now, after another dramatic argument centering around his apparent self loathing and lack of motivation, things are getting quite heated.

If only you knew what he was going through. If only you understood the burden that weighs so heavily on his shoulders.

If only he could tell you.

But he can't.

And he can't stop you hating him.

And with the way you're going, he's going to end up hating you too.

"You don't even want to fuck me, do you?"

He's pulled from his thoughts.

"What?"

You turn to face him, tears in your eyes, "You don't want me."

He can hear the pain in your voice now, everything slipping into place. He realises, through no fault of his own, without even meaning to, he's been neglecting you. He's been hurting you.

"Wait, it's not-"

He panics. But it's already too late. You can't stand it anymore. It's not that you hate him, it's not that you're blaming him for being depressed... you feel guilty thinking like this, but you need the old Suguru. You need the Suguru you met last summer, under blue skies, with that confident smile and those flirty eyes.

You need him. But he's not coming back.

"All I wanted- was for you to be my first, ever since I met you, Suguru... I loved you..."

"Wait, wait- loved?"

"I have to go, I have to leave, Sugu, I can't stay here. With you-" your sniffling and hiccupping is persistent now.

"No..." he steps up to you now, leaving his apathy behind to clasp your hands, "no"

His grip gets forceful while he leans down to face you, nose to nose.

His dark eyes flit between yours; tear stained and puffy. He presses his forehead to yours and blinks away his own tears.

"You can't go," you feel his breath on your lips, for the first time, feeling that desperation and want from the man you so sorely crave.

You shake your head.

"'s too late"

"No, no, baby, please," he grabs the back of your neck now, his expression turning pained.

"Please..." his voice mellows again, "please let me show you... how much I love you"

You blink up at him with those pretty, watery eyes. It's been ages since he told you that.

"Sugu, it, it's different-"

"Please," he insists, pushing you till your ass meets the kitchen counter and his arms surround your body.

"Let me," he presses kisses to your cheeks, like he's trying to make the tears disappear, "let me do this."

Your lip trembles, but you nod and accept a soft, longing kiss.

And another. He keeps going, more and more, until he pushes your mouth open. He takes his chance, slipping his tongue against yours in a kiss so deep and loving he might just convince you to stay. At least for one more night.

"It's really over?"

You look up at him and nod, not knowing what to say, and he claims your lips again; your whole mouth.

This kiss feels heavier, now you can feel the warm trickle of tears down your cheeks. You can't tell if they're yours or his.

But you don't care. You get lost in the moment, finally feeling him touch you how you need it.

Now you're all over each other, everything is just going so fast.

You tug at his hair, then his shirt, stripping him and exposing his muscular chest.

"Suguru…" you don't want to leave him.

You pull at his belt now, undoing his jeans and getting your hands on him.

He looks a little hesitant, but moans at the contact, his hips starting to move as you stroke and palm him.

"Baby," his hands find your waist now, "let me take your virginity."

And there it is.

That sexy, charming voice of his has got you weak at the knees.

"Y-yes, Suguru" you blink and nod, feeling stunned, "yes."

He lifts you instantly, taking you into another hot kiss while your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him in tighter to feel every smooth roll of his hips.

"Sugu- ah-"

The bulge in his shorts feels heavenly between your legs- you're so touch starved he could easily get you cumming in your pants, just as he has many times before.

But tonight you're finally getting the real deal.

One of his slender hands pushes your skirt up, panties pulled aside, making you gasp. You can't help the look of hesitation that crosses your face.

"You want me to touch you?"

"Uh huh, yeah Suguru, I, I just need to feel you, please," you're borderline sobbing, hearing his voice so smooth and assertive.

He can't believe you're getting like this for him. He didn't realise you wanted this so badly.

So he taps at your clit, building up that pool of slick that's just perfect for sliding his fingers through. Then into you, slowly, seductively working you open. With each suck to your lip and every pump of his fingers, your pussy throbs and aches for him.

He watches your eyes cloud over with lust when he pulls his fingers out of you and proceeds to smear the wet juice all over his cock.

"Ngh, so fucking wet," you hear him moan, spreading your legs for him eagerly while he pumps himself and massages his tip over your clit.

He quirks up an eyebrow, giving a final check over your expression to ensure you're not backing down, and starts sinking himself inside.

"Ah!"

"Shit- I'll go slower, sorry"

You cling onto his shoulders, watching him bury himself into you, inch by inch.

He gets you crying his name, now he's pushing on such a sensitive part inside you- one you've never touched.

You take in sharp little breaths, the feeling starting to overwhelm you.

"Does it hurt?" He asks softly, pressing kisses over your cheeks.

You nod and stroke his hair.

"Yeah, Sugu it hurts…"

Fresh tears prick in your eyes, feeling the spread of his cock, the ache in your core, in your chest, in your heart.

You never thought your first time would be like this.

It was never meant to be like this.

But god, he feels amazing.

Your body starts to relax, your mouth hanging open with a soft moan as you start to enjoy the motions of his body; your bodies, entwined as one.

"Does that feel nice, baby?"

He holds your legs open and steady, fucking you slow, getting your insides all knotted up with his sweet words.

"Yeah, f-feels so good- s-so full"

"Mm, you feel that really nice deep spot I'm hitting?"

He watches your eyes roll back. Of course you can.

"Yeah, Sugu-"

"If I keep touching you there you'll cum- you want that?"

He sounds so fucking sexy all you can do is nod and take him.

"Yeah, I know you do, I know, let me do it for you"

He fucks you so sensually, your hands tangled in his hair with his lips sucking at yours, your bodies undulating together; pulsing like waves.

You collide again and again, in and out, until you're introduced to a new kind of pleasure.

He fucks you through the most intense orgasm of your life- you know it may be the last he'll give you. Seeing you lose yourself, leaning back on the counter to accept every ounce of pleasure, he fills your body to the brim.

"Ngh, yeah, well done baby- how does your little virgin pussy like my cum, hm?"

"F-feels hot, Sugu"

He pumps you slower and slower, bringing you down gently.

"Did so good sweetheart."

He kisses your cheek and brings your head to his chest, his body engulfing yours in a big hug.

"Now you can at least say you'll miss the sex," he hums and kisses your head.

He lets you get cleaned up, watching you set your clothes back in place while he savours every moment of your presence. He knows he's going to have to watch you walk out that door at some point.

"Stay," he brushes your hair out of your face, "just for tonight."

"I-I-" you hesitate, looking down.

"Then I'll let you go."

Suguru, why are you doing this to yourself?

"It won't hurt as much if I get to fuck you a few more times."

suguru | m.list

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk x reader #jjk smut #female reader #geto suguru smut #jjk suguru #getou suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen suguru #geto suguru #geto #magic.events⋆⁺ #500 followers event #emoji event #🍒💔🖤 #breakup #heartbreak #tw: sex

[pianocat939]

Hmm.. you’ve done yandere Pravitr, BUT. Hear me out, Earth42 miles had braids. And DAYUM was he hawt, so celina. If your brain has yandere hc for him, i beg of you. 😍 Miles with braids is just… 🔥

Ok so I will say that there wasn't a lot of him in this movie so I won't have a lot to work with- but I'm trying- and plus I wasn't fully paying attention during the end part of the movie (I was watching but I wasn't paying attention on dialogue ;-;)

Again, testing the separate sections for romantic/platonic: same as Pavitr's they're almost completely identical.

Tw: sociopathic qualities, kidnapping, implied/mention(?) of isolation, angsty Miles- mentions of murder (I think that's everything)

General Yandere Headcanons Earth 42 Miles Morales

Type: Possessive + "The Dead Yandere"

Romantic

I have a bunch of labels for things I can't describe with one character trait so I'll just explain what I classify as the dead yandere: In short, one who doesn't feel many positive emotions and searches for something to feel joy. (Kinda like Ayano of Yan Sim but less intense perhaps).

The reason I see 42 Miles like this is that his father is dead, and the opportunity of becoming Spiderman was stolen from him (I forgot if he knows the spider part- but he's still angsty). Which I think in turn drives him to find joy or at the very least release from his negative emotions; hence why he didn't agree to help 1610 Miles.

Moving on- once he has an interest in you, his goal is to keep you for himself so he can relive those happy emotions again. He'll kidnap you and kill anyone in his way as they don't matter to him at all. Now I'm horrible at psychology but I say he kinda develops sociopathic qualities- only when it is you or his family will he show any empathy (but even then pretty low).

I think when he's captured you, he doesn't show any aggressive behaviour. He may be a bit cold at times, but other than that he's a lonely dude who wants to feel joy again. In the beginning, he's quite distant and doesn't show much vulnerability, but after a while, he'll hug you and show other forms of affection. He often has a dead face during everything, but he's rebuilding his emotions and therefore taking a while to smile and show expressions again.

The possessive part of him isn't extremely apparent, but he hates you speaking to others or spending time with those that isn't him. This is a weakness of his, as he is super vulnerable about his emotions with you and trusts that you don't spend time with others as much as you do with him. But once you're kidnapped, consider yourself basically trapped to him and maybe his uncle and mother to talk to.

If you show him affection, he'll be ecstatic, but he won't show it well. I think the more you give him acceptance and affection, will he dig himself out of his sociopathic qualities and become his past self again. But he won't stop being the Prowler.

"I love you. You're the only reason I don't feel so dead inside."

Platonic

I have a bunch of labels for things I can't describe with one character trait so I'll just explain what I classify as the dead yandere: In short, one who doesn't feel many positive emotions and searches for something to feel joy. (Kinda like Ayano of Yan Sim but less intense perhaps).

The reason I see 42 Miles like this is that his father is dead, and the opportunity of becoming Spiderman was stolen from him (I forgot if he knows the spider part- but he's still angsty). Which I think in turn drives him to find joy or at the very least release from his negative emotions; hence why he didn't agree to help 1610 Miles.

Moving on- once he has an interest in you, his goal is to keep you for himself so he can relive those happy emotions again. He'll kidnap you and kill anyone in his way as they don't matter to him at all. Now I'm horrible at psychology but I say he kinda develops sociopathic qualities- only when it is you or his family will he show any empathy (but even then pretty low). He just wants a friend he can trust and rely on.

I think when he's captured you, he doesn't show any aggressive behaviour. He may be a bit cold at times, but other than that he's a lonely dude who wants to feel joy again. In the beginning, he's quite distant and doesn't show much vulnerability, but after a while, he'll hug you or ask if you wanna hang out: ex. listening to music together. He often has a dead face during everything, but he's rebuilding his emotions and therefore taking a while to smile and show expressions again.

The possessive part of him isn't extremely apparent, but he hates you speaking to others or spending time with those that isn't him. This is a weakness of his, as he is super vulnerable about his emotions with you and trusts that you don't spend time with others as much as you do with him. But once you're kidnapped, consider yourself basically trapped to him and maybe his uncle and mother to talk to.

If you show him affection, he'll be ecstatic, but he won't show it well. I think the more you accept him, the more he'll dig himself out of his sociopathic qualities and become his past self again. But he won't stop being the Prowler.

"You're someone who I can trust. Someone who I can have fun with or talk to about life's problems."

——————————————————

The writing here is so messy and too scatterbrained to read but hey- I tried-

He looks so goofy to me for some reason I was trying so hard not to laugh at him during the last scene omg-

- Celina

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere spiderverse #yandere spiderman #42 miles morales #42 miles morales x reader #yandere 42 miles morales #across the spiderverse

[mischiefmaker615]

Assassin

Rating: R

Summary: Apparently killing the god of mischief isn't as easy as you thought..

Note: Apologies, its a long one but i figure since i haven't posted raw ideas in awhile Lol 

Your fingers grip the tray in your hands as your eyes slowly rise to your approaching door. You had hidden the poison perfectly out of site and not even the first forkful of food would reveal what awaits for your target.

The plan was simple and even with your target being the young prince of Asgard, you were confident you wouldn’t fail. The servant’s dress was a little uncomfortable considering how you were so used to pants and armor, but it would all be worth it when the god of mischief is no more. Just go in, deliver the food and then leave. News wouldn’t take long that the prince had perished and then it will be all done.

Reaching his quarters, you gave a knock and a pause before entering. ‘’your highness, I’ve come to deliver your morning meal’’ you announce gently, keeping your eyes low out of respect but your side view showed he was at his chair with his nose in a book with his shoes up on the very table you needed to set the tray on.

When you heard no reply, you thought nothing of it. a servant’s job was to do their job and get out with not much interaction or expectance of a reply. You had watched them diligently and posed as them for weeks and throughout all your hard work, your patience finally got you a chance to have interaction with Loki when you heard his usual maid was ill.

Standing before the table, you bowed before you bit your lip, wondering when he was going to remove his shoes so you could place the tray down. Nothing. You weren’t taught where else to put it if a situation like this occurred so you just stood there awkwardly as you lifted your eyes slightly to look at him.

‘’..pardon my prince..’’

Nothing. His eyes remained moving, reading his book as he paid you no mind. Bastard.. you’ll die soon.. Placing the tray down anywhere else would risk its improper place, so you had no choice but to remain still and wait. Minutes went by, and Loki paid you no mind but you were clear in his vision so you were certain he was there. The only movement he made was to turn a page and sigh contently as your arms began to ache from holding the tray for so long. More minutes went by and you glanced at him almost in desperation as you stood in silence.

The snap of his book shut had you jump out of your skin and he casually sat up with a stretch, his eyes elsewhere than you and he finally took his shoes off the table. In a split second, you placed it down with achy arms and almost slammed it down out of anger and relief of finally being set free. You shook your hands from the ache and quickly bowed your head.

‘’your highness, is there anything else you need?’’

He stayed sat calmly, staring up at you as he man spread with hidden amusement in his eyes. He knew exactly what he was doing. ‘’are you sure it won’t anger you further?’’ he smirked as your body tensed. It was almost as if he was daring you, there would most likely be a sever punishment if one dared showed any negative emotion towards a royal so you quickly shook your head with obvious thrown on cheer.

‘’I am at your service my prince, please- anything you wish of me is in no position of a bother..’’ you said quietly and your heart skipped a beat as he leaned forward to examine the food for a brief moment.

You snuck a peak yourself but there was no vision sign of the substance in it so your eyes glanced at him nervously.

With a single finger, he swiped a bit of porridge and stood up casually, his expression basically tsking as he made his way over to you and stopped once the tips of your shoes were touching. His height made itself known as you tilted your head up to look up at him, not knowing if you were breaking a servant’s respect but something about his eyes made it impossible not to look away. It wasn’t until he raised his hand and presented the porridge on his finger just before his lips was when you broke eye contact to look at the food.

‘’it’s cold.’’

I wanna kill him..

You opened your mouth to respond, to tell him in the ‘kindest way possible’ that it was because of how damn long he made you wait was why it was cold. Yet before you could even utter a word, he moved his finger into your mouth and pressed down on your tongue, making to jump as his free hand gripped your hip so you couldn’t take a step back.

‘’you know what to do, don’t you.’’ Not a question, as his voice came out as a purr as you looked up at him with a blush to your cheeks.

Just going along with things would get you the hell out of here so he could finish his breakfast right? True it was cold, but perhaps he wouldn’t mind it if you just pleased him and left. Sucking up your pride, you used your tongue to remove the porridge from his finger before you began sucking.

Loki hummed in approval, almost closing his eyes as he looked down his nose at you. Why were- were you aroused?! This was a bloody mission for norns sake! Even if he was drop dead gorgeous- the god had to go! Before you could even make a move to step back, his hand removed itself from your waist and rested on the back of your head. He steadied your head as his finger began moving itself in and out while his fingers curled into your hair, slowly matching his own rhythm as he moved you head as well.

Your eyes widened at the action, your hands raising up almost grasping his wrist but stopped, knowing fully well if you touched him without permission, you’d be done for. Your legs self-consciously pressed themselves together much to your shock as a small squeak of submission left your voice and demeanor before you heard him chuckle.

‘’you’ve pleased me love, you’re a very amusing toy.’’ And with that, he released you in your state of shock and your hand covered your mouth while the other gripped your dress.

‘’w-will that be all my prince?’’ you asked and straightened yourself as your cheeks remained red.

His hands remained clasped behind his back as he gazed down at you with now wondering eyes. ‘’perhaps.’’

You hesitated, not sure if that meant yes or no as you still tried to gather yourself at what the hell happened. you thanked the gods the food he gathered was just the top layer, any deeper and he might as well have fed you your own poison meant for him.

With shaky legs, you turned and made for the door in a casual pace, not wanting to go to fast or slow for suspicion as your hand rested at the door knob and opened.

‘’wait.’’

You cussed in your head as you took a deep breath and turned just to see Loki taking a stalking pace towards you. His eyes seemed blown and even your side view could tell he was aroused.

‘’you wish to please your future king?’’ he asked simply.

‘’..y-yes..’’ you said with uncertainty of what he was getting at. Its not like you could have said no.

‘’then, maid, I wish to bed you.’’ Just as he had finished speaking, his hand extended and closed the door behind you with a push, keeping his arm there as your back pressed against the lost exit to look up at him.

If you were drinking a beverage you would have for certainly spit it out as you opened your mouth with a lost of words. By his previous actions, you quickly shut it and this made him laugh as he raised your chin up with a single finger.

‘’sire I..I-‘’

‘’you don’t wish to please me?’’ he fake looked hurt and panic entered your eyes as you tried finding any excuse to get out of this situation. Refusal to a royal was unacceptable and your mission was complete if you would just leave him to his meal but.. gods! You thought the maid’s gossip was just to tease you when they found out you were covering the other’s shift.. they were right!?

‘’did.. did your regular maid-‘’

‘’very much so.’’ Loki smirked, leaning down more so he was almost nose to nose with you as he towered while you coward. ‘’all the time in fact, we’ve had to replace three headboards in fact.’’

You took a shaky breath as you tried to find the right response as you glanced behind him to his bed. ‘’..oh..’’

Slowly taking one of your hands, he walked backward while he pulled you forward, small resistance threatening your limbs as you wished not to go over to his bed. ‘’you will be a perfect substitute, exactly what I need this morning.’’ He praised in a light tone mood as if you had already made him the happiest man in the world. ‘’now then,’’ he said as he took a seat on his bed with you standing before him. ‘’kneel.’’

Your body tensed as your mind already drove ahead to where this was leading. You very much wished to leave but you knew it would compromise everything. Stuck.. with shaky legs, you knew you had to play the part even if it meant sacrifices as you sank to his knees.

‘’good girl..’’ he said with almost a whisper. ‘’now go right ahead.’’ He said as he leaned back on his elbows while he gazed at you to get started.

Fuck.. through it all, you still couldn’t believe you were aroused as you squeezed your legs together where you kneeled.Everything about you was shaking as you took a deep breath to calm yourself. You didn’t dare once look at the prince’s eyes but you knew fully well that he was smirking, relishing in the amusement of messing with you.

With shaky hands, you slowly reached for his pants and with a moment to figure out how to free him, you finally managed to pull his cock out. It immediately was standing at attention and the size itself startled you at how well he held the title god. You looked up at him with almost pleading eyes, your thoughts leaving all royal rules behind at how you didn’t wish to compromise yourself but he merely leaned forward.

His movements were slow, almost as if he was stalking his prey as he held that famous smirk on his lips. A hand slowly rested behind your head and pulled you forward, guiding your face before your body took over for a moment. Your hands rested on his thighs and shoulders stiffened as you tried stopping him from pulling you down but his god strength made it clear this was happening.

Your eyes flashed up at him just as his other hand came to grip your jaw and his fingers curled to the sides to force your mouth open. Your eyes looked up to him in panic just to see his eyes darken with a sinister smile now.

‘’the moment I feel teeth, I pull every single one out with my blade.’’ He said darkly before pulling your head down with his cock sliding down your throat.

Your heart beat raced as your hands gripped this thighs, squeezing your eyes shut as he leaned back on his elbow while the hand remained at the back of your head, keeping you down. a content sigh left his lips as he closed his heads and hung his head back in relish.

He didn’t taste bad, dare you say it you wanted more if your mind and body fought against each other for the sake of your mission. His cock twitched now and again, making your body squirm as it pressed against your throat but what was confusing was that he kept your head down on his cock but didn’t allow you to rise and fall like you expected from this.. particular act. He just.. kept you immobile.

Your body began to relax every so slightly and your confused eyes looked up at him as he took a deep breath and looked down at you with casual eyes, as if he was waiting for you to explain yourself.

‘’so, you wish to kill me.’’ He sighed.

The mere comment sent shock to your brain and body, making you jump every so slightly and made your throat rub against his cock, almost triggering your gag reflex and earned a sharp breath from him that he immediately hid.

‘’The poison is no good when its been exposed for so long, which is why I enjoyed seeing you stand for so long beside my table.’’ He smirked and your fists balled against his thighs as your body began to pull away from him, seeing there was no point in pretending anymore but he didn’t let you. His grip behind your head way firm.

‘’Your patience is impeccable, but this is obviously your first mission because whatever dimwits trained you didn’t bother to teach you thoroughly about poisons. Which is also why you haven’t dropped head upon having a single.. finger full’’ he smirked and bucked his hips ever so slightly, feeling his cock run against your throat as your hands gripped his thighs. There was no escape.

You mumbled bastard but all was heard was a muffle, sending vibrations through his dick unintenually by you but he thoroughly enjoyed it as he seemed to shiver with a grin.

‘’your fire is perfect, I could pretty much read your thoughts as I played with you, how angry you must have been’’ he mocked with almost a baby talk tone and you felt his fingers grip a bunch of your hair. ‘’and you’ll be absolutely perfect for pleasing me, you might be even the first person I break three headboards with, even more’’ he teased with a hushed tone as he slowly raised your head where his tip almost left your mouth as you sucked in a breath through your nose before he slowly lowered you back down on his cock against your wishes to try to stop him.

So, the headboard thing was him jesting? Did he do anything like this with his servants? You wouldn’t be surprised, but most of you knew this was all just to tease, to get back at you for trying to take his life; and you knew this wasn’t going to be your first punishment for something so treacherous against a royal.

As he continued to agonizingly slowly pull your head up and down against his cock, your eyes squeezed shut as did your thighs. What was happening to you.. your hands tapped and hit his thighs as you tried to indicate your release but he merely chuckled.

‘’come now darling, you merely brought yourself upon this predicament. After all, you told me yes that you wished to please your future king.’’ He mocked as your eyes looked up at him with slight tears from his strokes. He gave you an amused, indifferent look at he leaned forward and both his hands took hold of your hair, bringing your head up and down with a little more speed as his eyes closed and his head raised.

‘’gods you feel so good on my cock.. as if you were made for this..’’ he breathed and a smile came to his lips. ‘’those who sent you didn’t exactly know who you were dealing with did they? As if mere poison would be sufficient enough to kill a god’’ he tsked and a hand began petting your head and cheek as the other continued its work.

‘’I hope those ingrates know they won’t be getting you back’’ he smirked and your eyes rose to him as a million thoughts came to mind. Was he going to kill you? torture? Prison?

‘’you’re mine now pet, I will think of them sending you as a mere gift instead of an assassination attempt. It takes war off the table for now, something I’m sure you’ll be surely grateful for. Unless you wish to face all of Asgard as the one who will be responsible for such a catastrophe hmm?’’

Your eyes glared daggers at him as you thought about using teeth if it wasn’t for his threat at pulling them all out. War wasn’t on the table when it came to killing it, it would be just an assassination attempt by an unknown threat with the god of trickery off the table in the universe. Apparently, fate had other plans by having you fail.

‘’come now darling,’’ he sighed and stilled his hands, raising his hips slowly into your throat instead which had your body arching in response with each thrust, something you thought was unvoluntary but apparently some parts of your body was enjoying his manhandling. ‘’we both know you secretly love this’’ he mocked and eyes your ass by simply leaning forward before dropping his gaze to you. ‘’you should be grateful, being full in my care instead of being sent off to suffer some gruesome death by norns who knows who in Asgard’s dungeons. I hope your prepared to show me just how grateful you are.’’

And with that, his hand gripped your hair and pulled you up off of him. you gasped for air as your hands shook against his thighs and the tears of his actions fell down your cheeks as the soreness in your throat reminded you of his actions. Why was your cunt dripping..

Before you could even fathom whether you were enjoying this or not, he lifted you up to your feet by your hair and got off the bed. Your hands grasped his wrists behind you to relieve his grip as he turned you both so the bed was now behind you. it was a miracle your legs didn’t go out as his eyes eyed your bosom and flashed back to your eyes with a smirk.

‘’please-‘’

“don’t worry princess’’ he smirked and pushed you onto the bed with a knee resting against the mattress with intention to crawl on top of you. your fingers gripped the sheets as your eyes widened, backing up slowly with your elbows until his hand grasped your ankle.

‘’daddy will take good care of you..’’

#loki x reader smut #loki god of mischief #loki odinson #loki fluff #loki x reader #loki fanfic #loki smut #loki laufeyson #lokifluff #loki

[venturelovebot]

A/N: IT IS DONE! I'm so sorry this took over a week to write, there's really no excuse for it and I really can't apologize enough. I hope I did your prompt justice! Link to request here!

Premise: Surely hiking and having an orthostatic intolerance are things that can go together right? Right? Goofy goober is about to find that answer the hard way.

Warnings: None! Pure fluff!

You can't feel your legs.

The soft crunch of twigs and leaves underneath your feet is all you can focus on. Sweat beads down your face and body as you climb higher and higher into the vast wilderness before you.

"We're almost there, it's just up ahead!"

Sloan's cheerful voice makes your head perk up to look at them. The happy expression on their face means everything to you, so you bit your tongue and didn't complain about a little exercise... but your body was on fire and your heart was beating out of control. You weren't sure how much longer you would last out here. You glance back down at the ground.

The buzzing of cicadas grow louder in your ears.

"Do– you think– we could take a– break?" You huff.

"Huh?"

Sloan turns back to look at you, but all you can see is the burning sun in the sky. You don't even remember falling.

"Oh my God! [Y/N], hold on!"

You feel them lifting up your body near effortlessly before completely blacking out from over exertion.

...

"[Y/N]?"

You can hear the worry in Sloan's voice. The awareness slowly comes back into your body as you feel cold water pour into your mouth and you swallow it with relief. You have a lot of questions, but they only seem to be coming out as muffled groans of confusion.

"I am so, so sorry..."

Your eyes flutter open finally and you see your beloveds face hovering over yours. You were resting your head safely on their lap. They pour more water into your mouth and wipe down your forehead with a damped piece of fabric. It all felt so nice in the sweltering heat.

"Did we make it?" Your voice is raspy and tired.

"No. I headed back to the campsite as soon as you passed out. I was going to take you to the hospital until you woke up just now."

You frown. You can't help but feel like you ruined the trip for them.

"I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry Cariño, it's my fault."

They adjust your body so you're laying down on a soft surface inside the tent the two of you shared.

"We'll go home soon, alright?" They lean down to place a kiss to your cheek.

"But what about hiking? I know you were excited."

"I've hiked this trail before, so it's nothing new to me." They nuzzle your face gently to bring you some comfort. "You matter more to me than that."

You bring your hand up to cup their face and they place another kiss on your face before sitting upright again.

"We can spend another night here and we'll go home, okay?"

You nod and they hand you a half empty cold bottle of water. Without hesitation you drink the rest of it before they wipe down your face again.

"Oh! That reminds me!"

Sloan unzips the tent and rushes outside. You can see the flicker of a campfire nearby– apparently you were out for longer than you expected. They reenter the tent with a paper plate stacked high with freshly made s'mores.

"I made you these so you can feel better!" There was a childlike excitement in their voice, followed by a grin.

They help you slowly sit upright before letting you lean against their body for support. You reach for the treat they brought you and it turns to a gooey mess of sugar in your mouth. Immediately all of the negativity that today had brought melts away.

"Thank you," You smile.

"And I got this from the vending machine because s'mores and water is just wrong..."

They hand you a cold bottle of milk. You screw off the lid and you finish off the chocolatey marshmallow goodness. You pick up a second s'more and offer it to Sloan as a form of gratitude.

"No! These are yours! I feel awful after everything that happened today..."

You shake your head. "I want to share. You have to take it!" You insist. "Besides, you got me back to safety. I think you deserve a reward for that."

They hesitantly take the treat from you and chomp down on it. Their face lights up with happiness.

"And we can share the milk, too." You offer them a drink and they take it without a second thought.

The two of you sit in silence as you finish off the stack of s'mores and milk together, exchanging glances of contentment as the sun sets below the horizon. The sound of singing crickets surrounds you as the sleepiness set in.

"Even if we didn't make it to the top, I'm still glad we had fun today." Sloan grabs a blanket from their backpack and begins rolling it out for the two of you. "I mean– passing out isn't fun, I'm talking about the s'mores. S'mores are fun! Nearly dying of heat stroke definitely isn't."

You can't help but giggle at their cuteness.

"I know what you mean. Being brought to safety by a cutie pie is also very fun."

They blush from your compliment as they join you underneath the blanket. "Aww, it wasn't a big deal..." They catch themself again. "I mean– it was! I mean–"

You place a kiss to their lips to stop them from yapping.

"Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning." You reassure them.

All they can do is smile.

#i made a bet with myself i could finish this before i went out for lunch today and here we are #i hope you enjoy it! #venture x reader #overwatch #overwatch 2 #overwatch fanfiction #overwatch x reader #overwatch x you #sloane cameron #sloan cameron #venture x you #venture overwatch #venture ow2 #oh boy these tags are all outta whack

[taurusdaylight]

[2.03pm] kindness

kindness came in the form of jeno lee. almost always having a smile etched on his adorable face, it was baffling to the people around jeno how he kept up with such a bright disposition all the time. it was as though he had little to zero anger coursing through his veins. 

to some extent, it’s true that jeno rarely got angry. despite being a chronic overthinker, jeno’s not the type of person to let his emotions control him. instead, he’d mull over it for a bit. think about why he got upset over something, and if it was truly worth getting upset over. he would at most sulk a little, as evident by his pouty lips that would make an appearance every so often. 

case in point: jeno currently getting lectured by yours truly in the corner booth of a quiet café. looking down on the ground, jeno absentmindedly stirred the straw in his cup while you talked.

you huffed, “you should stop being so nice to others.” 

“i didn’t know how to reject him…” jeno replied softly, still not looking at you. “besides, it will contribute to our overall grade? it won’t take up much of my time anyway,” he quickly added, in hopes of making the situation better.

the both of you weren’t even talking about something extremely serious. you were simply nagging jeno for agreeing to help his groupmate finish his part of the project because he was apparently busy with other submissions. the first thought that came to your mind was, what about jeno? surely he had other things to do too. 

the thing is, jeno was a kind person inside out. it wasn’t only about looking kind. deep down, jeno was tender-hearted and the biggest sweetheart to ever exist. as much as you believed in being kind, you were also aware of your boyfriend’s inability to say no to others whenever they approached him for help. no matter how he dismissed it as something trivial, you still didn’t like how he would go out of his way to do something that was not even supposed to be his responsibility to begin with. most important of all, you disliked how others took advantage of his kindness that came second nature to him, which rendered him to be at their disposal even if it wasn’t exactly convenient for him at times. 

“we talked about this, jen.” you made a face at him, expressing your concern over this issue that repeatedly came up time and again. “i hate that other people are using you and you just let them.”

while jeno understood where your frustration was coming from, a part of him also felt wronged because he was simply trying to do something nice for others. why is it that he somehow managed to make you upset too? jeno felt like he couldn’t do anything right. 

jeno finally stopped playing with his straw and looked you in the eye. “i’m sorry, okay? i won’t do it again, just please don’t be upset with me,” he said in a desperate plea. 

“i’m not upset with you, so there’s no need to say sorry to me,” you assured him. one thing you learnt about jeno over the years was how his negative thoughts got to him more than he’d liked to admit. how he would willingly take the blame for something if it meant that it would keep the peace. thankfully, he simply needed a few words of affirmation for him to get out of his head. 

you grabbed jeno’s hand and gently squeezed it. “i just want you to know that it’s okay to put yourself first. you don’t always have to think about others when you’ve got so much at hand. sometimes… just sometimes… it’s okay to be selfish too!” 

your lips curled upwards into a bashful smile. “even i feel bad asking you for help. i don’t like to trouble you but i know you wouldn’t say no even if i did, especially not to me.” you were ashamed to admit that, but you could swear from the bottom of your heart that you only turn to jeno as a last resort because you didn’t want to be like one of those people who only went to him when they needed something. 

“what?” jeno pouted even more. “but i like doing things for you. i’m your boyfriend, i’d hate it if you went to anyone else for help.” 

“it’d make me feel useless,” he muttered. 

you were quick to respond. “hey! don’t say that… you’re not useless at all.”

“anyway, don’t change the subject. after this project, please say no if you don’t have the capacity to help others, including me! if your worry is not knowing how to reject others, you could start with me. we are already so close, i won’t take it to heart if i asked you for help and you said no. let alone acquaintances who barely know you. baby steps, okay?” you looked at jeno expectantly. 

jeno’s expression turned into one that was half a frown and half a smile, you could tell that he was feeling conflicted about it. “like you said, i could never say no to you, baby…” 

you tried to bite back the small smile that made its way onto your face because of the nickname so that jeno would take you seriously. “so, you‘d do something about this?” 

“only for you, yes.” jeno’s face broke into a wide smile as he tightened his grip on your hand. 

“you’re supposed to say no!” you replied jokingly in order to play off the shyness that came with jeno’s affectionate gesture. “you’ve failed the first test, i thought you were better than this…”

an incomprehensible noise left jeno’s mouth. “i’m so confused right now… so do i say yes or no?”

you sighed, well aware of how this was going nowhere given jeno’s innocence that sometimes made him come off a little… naive. like the time you told him that you were going to teach him something to tell your parents in your native tongue and he obediently repeated after you, only asking what it was later on (it was a curse word, and you were glad he asked before the actual meeting with your parents). 

“nevermind… the next time someone asks you for help, just tell me. i’ll make sure they’d never want to ask a favour from you ever again.”

jeno’s eyes widened in shock, “o-okay.”

“i’m just kidding. but seriously, i’d help you reject them so you don’t have to,” you said with a smile. 

“thank you,” jeno said sincerely, “i know you mean well, and i appreciate you looking out for me.” 

at his words, you leaned over the table to give jeno a peck on his right cheek, on the spot just slightly below his beauty mark. he laughed quietly, his smile uncontrollably becoming wider by the second.

the both of you were so immersed, it was fortunate that the café was empty enough for the moment to remain intimate. better yet, the owner was preoccupied with his tasks, not sparing a single glance at the direction of your table. 

between soft giggles and shy smiles, you and jeno indulged in each other’s loving company until the sun fell, its golden rays penetrating through the glass window situated next to your table. 

#jeno timestamps #jeno drabbles #jeno imagines #jeno scenarios #jeno x reader #jeno fluff #nct timestamps #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct #nct dream #nct jeno #jeno #lee jeno

[heretherebedork]

The fact that the show has Atom lie about Boston to his sister and, apparently, on an anonymous page on social media and then face not only absolutely no consequences but to be repeatedly rewarded with advice and love and acceptance while Boston gets nothing even resembling an apology or acknowledgement of the pain he was put through and the fact that his friends, his school and his reputation are all ruined or at least damaged and yet... nothing for Boston. Nothing. Because he was promiscuous and he was open about his lack of desire for a relationship. So instead he's an asshole that no one should love. You know who no one should love? Atom and Cheum. Who are going to face nothing for their actions and choices.

It's so frustrating to watch Cheum not just instantly forgive Atom but also to give her no other scenes in the episode or any kind of expression change or guilt about what she did to Boston. There's no plan to apologize, there's no upset with Atom for the literal life ruining life. Nothing. Just 'it's fine'.

I just... it's such a waste of what could have been a very interesting plot line about Cheum accusing Boston of turning her breother gay and the way that society views casual sex, especially queer casual sex, and how many people see being promiscuous as a character fault that leads to only negative things or how Boston was literally being blackmailed and then accused of blackmailing someone and there were so many fascinating things and we got...

"It's fine."

#only friends #only friends the series #bl drama #thai bl #bl series #thai drama #thai series #thaibl #asianlgbtqdramas #asian lgbtq dramas #thai bl series #thai bl drama

[reiderwriter]

Thoughts on unsub spencer reid fics?

Hi! I'm not sure if you wanted more of a general answer or meant this as a headcanon or gen request, so I'm just going to go purely on vibes and answer this as a question.

Spencer as an Unsub - Thoughts

Disclaimer: Anything negative said here is absolutely not an insult towards any specific writer or fic. I don't really read unsub Reid fics, due to facts I'm about to get into, so I'm really not knowledgeable enough to be throwing shade 💀 This is personal opinion!

I personally would need a lot of convincing to believe in an "unsub" Spencer Reid.

In Criminal Minds, it's clear from very early into the show that Spencer is very empathetic with certain unsubs. The entire team have their own types of cases that they get more personally involved in (Morgan and cases involving child victims, JJ and apparent suicides, Emily and quote unquote battered women cases) but Spencer is the only one whose personal attachment to cases leaves him empathising with the unsub instead of the victim.

He's the only member of the team who could have seen himself committing violent acts the way unsubs do had his life veered down a different path. And, based on Spencer's background and the psychology of the show, he's probably right to be concerned.

He's a white male, at the peak of the show in his mid to late thirties, with a background of abuse and a family history of mental illness. By season four, we know he's highly skilled with a gun, and by season 12/13, we see that he can be pushed to violence when he is at the very edge of his limitations.

And then they make his character so intrinsically moral that you never question him ever again.

To a certain extent, Criminal Minds is about the perpetual cycles of abuse that human kind can inflict upon itself. Many of the unsubs were once victims, some of them perhaps still are. The heroes of the story are characters who have been able to break the cycle.

Spencer is neglected as a child. He has an absent father abandon him, a mother with schizophrenia who does physically beat him when she is having an episode. He is bullied heavily in school for his high IQ and his lack of social skills. But he is shown to deeply care for him mother and empathise with her deeply instead of coming to resent her like many of the unsubs in that situation. He resents his father, for sure, but instead turns that resentment into drive, leading him to "just keep getting more PhDs." And his personal experiences with bullying allow him to empathise with the unsubs that have gone through similar circumstances.

So I don't think canonically, Spencer is ever in danger of becoming an unsub. He deeply cares about the world and the people around him, and whilst he does have a kill count on the show, he either expresses deep remorse at having to oull the trigger, or it is in the best interest for everyone involved.

Basically, all that to say: I think Unsub Spencer Reid in fanfiction has to be written incredibly carefully, or it runs the risk of being very out of character. To be clear, I'm not too bothered about characters being slightly out of character in fics because it happens. I've probably written a lot of stuff where Spencer is OOC, too. And that's fine.

I do kind of draw the line at grabbing random unsub traits from the show and giving them to Spencer for a fic. For example, Spencer would never end up as a sexual sadist. He probably wouldn't be a spree killer, either. Not that anyone wants my writing advice, but if you're writing an unsub Spencer fic, think about his background and the profiles they generally give for the kind of signature/ crimes you're about to give him.

If this was a request, I apologise for the misunderstanding. But here's a little hint at what I might do with a general "unsub Reid" request.

☆ It would most likely take place after the events of Season 12/13.

☆ It's angst or nothing.

☆ The basic plot: Reid's headaches come back after taking a blow in the field. He tries seeking help for it but can't find any relief. On his next case, because of his chronic pain, he makes a mistake that gets his teammate, the reader, shot. The unsub escapes, but the reader falls into a coma. When it looks like reader is not going to pull through, he tracks down the unsub and beats his to death after a brawl. Massive overkill. The reader pulls through that night, and he feels no guilt for getting that monster off the street. But each time the readers health takes a turn, or they require a new surgery, he is compelled to go back out there and track down and kill another serial killer until the reader finally wakes up.

☆ I don't think it'd be very well received because there would be no morally grey smut. This is some tragic angst shit only, lmao.

☆ please don't put a request for this in my inbox. If I feel like writing it later, I might, I don't have the brain power right now, though 💀

That's all I've got right now, but I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on unsub Reid :)

#spencer reid #criminal minds #reiderreplies #spencer reid headcanon #spencer reid request #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Because it looks like you’re already losing it do you have any extra thoughts on his voice lines? Mystery Shop Translations has them!

[Referencing this post!]

Yes, I know Mystery Shop TLs has the deets 👀 I'm the one that requested Rollo's voice lines dhabydsbiosaivfbifsan

To avoid spoiling anyone that hasn't had the chance to read his voice lines yet, I'll place my thoughts on them below the cut.

First thing's first! It seems like Rollo will be staying at NRC for a short amount of time. It’s disrupting the daily routine he usually has, so I wonder how he’ll adapt…? Apparently, this is because he has come to study at NRC for a brief period. So maybe there's some kind of student exchange program meaning we may get other "special" students in the future...

Rollo sounds SO unhappy (but in an emotionally-repressed way) when he says he would prefer not to step foot onto NRC campus. TOO LATE BUDDY YOU'RE STUCK WITH US WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT 🤡

QDBIUBSOYFVQE8FO8EQEFANOQEUTQEP OKAY, HE STARTS OFF STRONG... Just another monologue about he's going to be the one to create a just world and punish evildoers, how NRC is a place where evildoers dwell and how he has to observe them carefully... The usual Rollo talking points 😭 His Groovy line references the Just Judge and really shows how big of an ego Rollo has???? Like he's going to impart upon you "proper virtuous behavior"... BRO, I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT FROM SOMEONE WHO WAS PLANNING TO ENGULF THE WORLD IN FLOWERS THAT SUCK OUT ALL THE MAGIC

On the topic of "proper virtuous behavior", I like that we get subtle hints of Rollo actually pushing for this in his lines. It shows us that he actually does think he knows what's best for others and has very particular expectations for what is "good and just" behavior (even thinking that he leads by example). For example, Rollo advises that Yuu "fulfill their duty to their utmost", something which he also prides himself on. Additionally, he commands Grim in their Duo Magic to do as he says, to which of course Grim protests, saying that he doesn't want to be ordered around. Rollo also frowns on Idia's use of an electronic tablet as a substitute for attending classes in person, calling it "laziness beyond reproach".

I find it hilarious that Rollo is SO angry at Malleus that he describes even the general area that Malleus resides in and the mirror that leads there as "absolutely repulsive". HIS HATE BONER FOR MALLEUS WILL NEVER DIE... Even funnier when you realize Rollo is (relatively) neutral toward Azul and only slightly negative about Idia (the other two SSR boys responsible for his downfall). Rollo even expresses curiosity about the Mostro Lounge (and I fully intend to write a fic with this premise in mind, it's just TOO good to pass up)! Both Idia and Azul are referred to as “[first name]-kun” whereas Malleus is referred to vaguely (“that man”) or just has his full name shouted 😭

It's... surprisingly cute??? That he compliments the quality of Trein's lessons. I wish we had more of Rollo's thoughts in this regard, because I feel like he's keeping a lot of his more detailed thoughts locked away. (Notice also that he calls Trein by first-name basis, “Mozus-sensei”.)

Noble Bell College doesn't have dormitories, which makes sense. It is stated in canon to be a much smaller school than NRC, so I'd imagine the student population is also smaller and thus having multiple dormitories to accommodate them all wouldn't be necessary. Laughing at the fact that Rollo just casually dunks on Ramshackle's name though 😭 I MEAN, HE AIN'T WRONG... The place was a bit of a dump before the renovations...

It's really interesting that Rollo continues to express a preference for "relaxing" places; he comments that he loves the Mirror Chamber because it's quiet and he finds it charming. There's also the previously mentioned interest in Azul's cafe, as well as a remark about the knowledge that NRC's library has. It makes me think he can be quite contemplative, although perhaps he doesn't direct his energy toward the most positive emotions at times.

In spite of all of this, the voice lines also maintain a sort of "distance" to them, which I love. This is most obviously seen in the voice line where Rollo asks Yuu if they need something since they were acting overly familiar with him. Rollo indicates that he believes Yuu mistook him for someone else. He doesn't seem to have friends, nor desire them, even if they're of a non-mage persuasion like Yuu. There continues to be this lingering sense of uneasiness and distrust between him and his peers, even when others like Yuu, the gargoyles, his aide and vice president, make an effort to reach out to him. HE JUST WANTS TO EXPLODE PEOPLE WITH HIS MIND, THIS ICY NeUTRALiTY IS tHE NICEST THIS MAn CaN MUSTER/j It really suits Rollo's character to refuse to properly "integrate" with NRC. He's also very actively avoiding making certain decisions which would prompt him to return to the campus, like not checking out any library books even though he's truly entranced by the information the NRC Archives hold. It implies that Rollo is, to some extent, being held back from his full potential because of how he walls himself off from others. He thinks of his own NBC classmates as noisy and stupid, wishes to remove the gargoyles, actively tries to spend time alone as often as possible, and hates on the community goats (bro was about to send one FLYING but decided against it only because there were too many potential witnesses). He doesn’t open up to his own parents about his feelings ever since the fire and claims that others cannot understand how he feels. Rollo has isolated himself 💀

Even his level-up line (not in Mystery Shop TL's post, but I still want to bring it up) is not friendly at all. In fact, Rollo acts suspicious of Yuu's friendship and demands that they come clean about their "true intentions". He then says that if You is actually being genuine, that's actually more bothersome than if they had been deceptive to him all along. He pities them for their circumstances, yes (being a non-mage constantly having to deal with the shenanigans of the wicked mages around them), but that doesn't equate to friendship or feeling "close" with Yuu. Rollo does not allow others to get close, he does not know what friendship is and nor does he seemingly want it or care for it.

Rollo draws a very strong divide between himself and those he labels as "villains" , as well as literally everyone else he encounters. That is, ironically, muddying his relationships and potential for self-actualization when he sees himself as a “savior” of sorts for people.

Overall, I really enjoyed this set of voice lines! It gives us more of what we really love about Rollo's personality without spoiling the events of Glorious Masquerade for those who haven't read it yet. My only complaint would be that I'm getting greedy and want even more Rollo content now, just these voice lines alone isn't enough to sate me anymore/j 😂

#twst #twisted wonderland #Rollo Flamme #disney twisted wonderland #spoilers #notes from the writing raven #question #Malleus Draconia #Idia Shroud #Azul Ashengrotto #Grim #Yuu #Mozus Trein

[alkaline-wtr]

ELEVATOR

Ghost x gn!reader

Description: Ghost and reader are neighbors who get stuck together in an elevator. Genre/Warnings: Ghost x reader, gn!reader, fluff, angst, a little hurt comfort, possibly enemies to lovers, imagine WC: 987

My Masterlist

**AN Good morning! Here's a little fluff, I don't exactly know if the genres I tagged it as fit, but either way i thought this piece was cute. Enjoy.

Ghost steps onto the elevator watching it close slowly, the doors are almost shut when he hears a voice.

"Wait!"

He peered through the two metal plates you come walking quickly down the hall.

Ghost lets out an irritated sigh realizing it's you.

You and Ghost were neighbors. Living on the same floor of the apartment building. For some reason, despite your efforts over the last year Ghost just didn't seem to like you. In fact, he despised you.

Ghost wasn't exactly sure what it was about you that made him dislike you so much. Maybe it was your intrusive nature.

You put your hand in between the doors causing them to retract.

"Good morning, Simon. How are you?"

You asked in a sweet voice as you stepped onto the elevator beside him.

"Fine."

Ghost grumbled in response. You smile back at him but there is a sadness in your eyes.

Ghost presses the button for the first floor. He is obviously in no mood for small talk.

The elevator begins its descent. A low hum emits from the fluorescent lights overhead. Filling the uncomfortable silence between you.

You're watching as the numbers go down when suddenly the elevator comes to a halt rumbling beneath your feet.

The first thought that comes to Ghost's mind is confusion. His hand reaches across you and taps the button a couple times.

You watch with wide eyes as Ghost fiddles with the buttons.

"We're not stuck, are we?"

Ghost's glares at you,

"Obviously." He snapped.

Normally the comment would have hurt you but all you felt at this moment was the rising panic at the realization of the situation.

Ghost sighs pulling out his phone. He immediately notices the absence of the little white bars on the top of the screen.

"No reception."

He states, holding his cell up in the air in an attempt to find a connection.

The pounding of your heart is like a drumbeat in your chest. The warm wave of the fear and adrenaline washing over you makes you feel disconnected. You don't hear Ghosts frustrated grunts.

You'd always had anxiety, and this was one of your biggest fears.

Ghost lowers his Phone and looks down to you.

"What?"

Ghost asks annoyed. Pure terror is apparent on your face.

"I-I just- This... has always been a fear of mine."

You stuttered.

His expression softens. Ghost was well aware of anxiety and the effects it can have.

"It'll be okay."

His attempts at reassuring you don't seem to work as your breathing grows shallower.

Instead of the usual irritation Ghost felt being in your presence, he felt sympathetic towards you. Understanding first-hand how you were feeling in this moment.

"I suffer from anxiety too sometimes."

His voice is soft, and you can see something in his eyes you never had before, vulnerability.

The momentary silence between you two is loud. Your eyes are locked with his before you finally speak.

"Simon?"

The words are soft. He looked at you expectantly.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

The whispered question hangs in the air. Ghost breathes out a sigh averting his eyes.

"I don't..."

He stops himself from answering and thinks. Ghost hadn't really had a reason. He just wasn't fond of you. His negative feelings were unjustified. As he thought back to all the previous interactions, he realized you'd never been anything but nice to him.

With the pain and hurt of his difficult past, He'd found it hard for him to tolerate your positive and bubbly attitude. He was hurting deep inside, and you only brought that to light.

The truth was you hadn't done anything wrong, Ghost just couldn't separate his feelings of frustration from his opinion of you.

"I owe you an apology, y/n. I've allowed my own frustrations to interfere with my behavior towards you. It is unfair, and you never deserved to bear the brunt of it."

You looked at him shocked by his words. Ghost didn't seem the type to apologize.

"Will you please forgive me?"

He asked. Ghost knew you had every right to turn him away. After the way he had treated you for so long, he didn't deserve your forgiveness.

As always you proved to be kindhearted with your generous response.

"Of course. We all have our struggles. I appreciate you being honest with me."

You smiled at him. Your smile seemed so genuine and pure.

"I know this may mean nothing but if I'm honest with you, I've always liked you."

Your admission takes Ghost by surprise. The truth of the matter was that you had feelings for Ghost for a while. By hanging around and being friendly you hoped he could eventually warm up to you. Although, it had all seemed stupid now, you should have just communicated.

Ghost searched your face for any indication of what you were thinking. He had no idea how to respond. So, he did the only thing that came to mind at the moment.

A rough hand grabs your cheek forcing you to face him. Ghost hovers his lips over yours for a moment a silent way of asking for your permission.

When you didn't pull away Ghost took that as an okay to continue. His plush lips brush against yours.

You stiffen in hesitation, unsure of your actions. This had been a moment you'd only dreamt of and now that it was happening you didn't want anything to mess it up.

Finally, you lean in, kissing him back.  laughing nervously, when he pulls away.

"I almost forgot that we are stuck in an elevator."

You whisper. Ghost chuckles to himself and glances around

"Oh yeah. We aren't we."

He leans across you and presses the emergency call button. As you're waiting for Ghost to find a solution to the situation you can't help but smile to yourself feeling giddy and excited about what is to come.

#cod imagine #simon ghost riley #cod x reader #cod fanfic #ghost x reader #ghost fluff #cod fluff #ghost x reader fluff #hurt/comfort #ghost angst #alkaline writes