#sorry for the length

[notfreetoday]

The Importance of Amae in My Personal Weatherman

Masterlist || Language Analysis Part 1

I have seen a lot of discourse in the English-speaking fandom surrounding Segasaki's apparent dismissal or trivializing of Yoh's desire to pursue his manga, and most of it is negative. His comments about wanting Yoh to remain dependent on him, or that Yoh does not need to earn money are seen as patronizing or controlling at best and oppressive at worst. It appears that Segasaki does not understand nor respect Yoh's need for independence, and that is what strains their relationship.

But what if I asked you to consider that Segasaki's behaviour is actually an invitation to Yoh to reinforce their relationship? And what if I told you that Yoh's withdrawal from Segasaki constitutes a rejection of that invitation, and it is that rejection that strains their relationship instead?

Of course, the end result is the same - a strained relationship - and in reality there is never one side wholly responsible for this. The point of this is to simply challenge the cultural notion that a successful relationship is the coming together of two equally independent individuals, as opposed to the co-creation of a relationship formed by two interdependent individuals.

"If only you could stay drunk forever..." "It's okay to feel down again for me too you know" - Segasaki, Ep 4, Ep 5

This isn't about Segasaki wanting to keep Yoh is helpless and dependent on him, but about wanting Yoh to be able to be true to his feelings and express his own desire for affection honestly, without having to hide behind "I hate you" or rejection.

Or, let's try and talk about how Segasaki and Yoh reinforce their relationship through the use of amae (featuring a brief mention of tatemae/honne) who am I kidding this is not brief at all

First: Cultural Context

The way people conceptualize and make meaning of the Self differs between Western and East Asian cultures, and this plays into the differences we see in the basis for our self-esteem, the personal attributes that we value, and even what constitutes the behavior of a mature individual. Broadly speaking, Western cultures tend towards the Independent Self Construal (whereby the Self is a distinct entity separate from others) whereas East Asian cultures tend towards Interdependent Self-Construal (whereby the Self is connected to and defined by relationships with others). Thus, in the West, expressing one's individuality is very important for one's self-esteem, and being able to communicate clearly and confidently is valued and a sign of maturity. Conversely, in the East, one's ability to integrate and become a member of the group is prized, and contributes significantly to one's self esteem. In order to be seen as a mature individual, one must learn not only to read a social situation but also how to modify one's behavior in order to respond to the changing demands of that situation, with the ultimate goal being to maintain group harmony.

tl;dr - In East Asian culture, behaviors and attitudes that emphasize interdependence and promote group harmony actually play a big role in reinforcing relationships and one's membership towards the group.

Segasaki is an expert at this - his "public mode" that Yoh refers to actually shows us how good he is at social interactions. This is the Japanese concept of tatemae/honne (crudely translated as public self/private feelings) - which I could link to a bunch of articles for you, but I'm going to suggest you check out this 9 min street interview instead. At 6:41, one of the interviewees comments that another is sunao, or "honest" (we'll cover this later too) and at 6:49 specifically talks about how reading situations is important as an adult. Segasaki reads the room well, but most importantly, he reads Yoh well.

Yoh is not good at this, at all. In Ep 6, we see that he does not integrate well with the group, and he doesn't realize how he might appear to others when he stares and sketches from afar. Yoh does not read the room well because he doesn't pick up on social cues and does not adhere to social norms (I'll point these out in Ep 6's corrections). He cannot read Segasaki, and especially cannot read Segasaki's amae, or his attempts at reinforcing their relationship. Part of this is because his low self-esteem causes him to withdraw from Segasaki's affection as a means of self-protection, and so he valiantly tries to deny his feelings for Segasaki. As Man-san commented in Ep 4, Yoh is not sunao - he has difficulty with being true/honest about his feelings, even to himself.

Sunao is another term that usually pops up when talking about feelings/relationships. It can be used to describe one's relationship with oneself, as well as the relationship with another/group. With oneself, it is usually used to mean "being honest/truthful/straightforward/frank/open-minded about one's feelings". With another person/group, it is usually used to mean "to cooperate/listen/be obedient, or "to be humble/open-minded". In essence, the word encompasses an ideal virtue that is often taught from early childhood - that we should treat both ourselves and others with humility and honesty, because that is how we accept ourselves and stay in harmony with other. This is what becoming an adult, or gaining maturity, means (not gaining independence, as adulthood is often equated to in the West - do you see a running theme here 😂). Of course, that's actually really hard to do, so you'll often hear children (and immature adults too) chided for "not being sunao" (this can therefore sound patronizing if you're not careful). We'll revisit this in a little bit.

Second: What is Amae?

Amae is a key component in Japanese relationships, both intimate and non-intimate. It happens every day, in a variety of different interactions, between a variety of different people. But it is often seen as strange or weird, and those unfamiliar with the concept can feel uncomfortable with it. This stems from the difference in self-construal - because independence is tied so strongly to an individual's self-image in the West, it is very hard to fathom why behavior that emphasizes interdependence could be looked upon favorably. It is telling that every possible English translation of the word "amae" carries a negative connotation, when in Japanese it can be both negative or positive. The original subtitles translated it as "clingy", for example. Other common translations include "dependence", "to act like a child/infant", "to act helpless", "to act spoiled", "coquettish", "seeking indulgence", "being naive" etc.

From A Multifaceted View of the Concept of Amae: Reconsidering the Indigenous Japanese Concept of Relatedness by Kazuko Y Behrens

*Note - the word "presumed" or "presumption" or "expectation" or "assumption" used in the above definition and in the rest of this post, can give the impression that all of amae is premeditated, which adds a calculative component to this concept. Whilst amae can indeed be used in a manipulative manner (benign or otherwise), it is not the case for every single situation, and often amae that seeks affection is often spontaneous and without thought, precisely because the situation allows for it to appear organically. This is the amae that Segasaki and Yoh most often exchange - so think of these assumptions and expectations as "unconscious/subconscious" thought processes.

Third: Amae Between Segasaki and Yoh

Yoh shows a lot of amae when he is drunk:

He whines, buries himself into Segasaki's embrace, refuses to move or let go of him, and keeps repeating "no". In these interactions, Yoh wants Segasaki's affection, but instead of asking, he does, well, this, and he presumes that Segasaki will indulge his behavior. Leaving to get some fresh air might not be as obvious - but it is a form of amae as well, because Man-san is his guest, not Segasaki's, and he shouldn't be leaving Segasaki to entertain her. The expectation that this is okay, and that neither of them will fault him for it, is what makes it amae.

Segasaki obviously enjoys indulging Yoh when Yoh does amae, because he recognises this as Yoh's request for affection from him. It's not that Segasaki enjoys Yoh in this drunk, helpless state; it's not even that Segasaki feels reassured by Yoh's requests for affection. Segasaki knows Yoh likes him, and recognizes that Yoh is struggling with those feelings. That Yoh is actually able to do amae to Segasaki is what delights him the most, because it is something that requires a lot of trust in Segasaki and a willingness to be vulnerable in front of him. This is how amae reinforces relationships - when a request for amae is granted, both the giver and the receiver experience pleasant feelings.

That said, an amae request can also be perceived negatively - if amae is excessive, or if the person responding feels they are obligated to do so. In Ep 5, Man-san chides Yoh for his amae - the fact that he expected to do well from the beginning, and became upset when he failed. He told her about his unemployment, presuming that she would comfort him, but alas.

Segasaki also does amae - but unfortunately Yoh misses many of his cues, and so neither of them really gain pleasant feelings from the interaction (ok so maybe Segasaki does, but I will argue that is more because Segasaki also enjoys it when Yoh obeys him - see @lutawolf's posts for the D/s perspective on this!).

Did you catch it? Segasaki wants Yoh to pass him the Soy Sauce, which, clearly, he is capable of getting himself. He tells Yoh to feed him, because he wants Yoh's affection. And the real kicker - he asked for curry, and expected Yoh to know he wanted pork. In all these interactions, Segasaki presumes that Yoh will indulge him and do for him things he can do himself perfectly well (and even better at that) - this is what makes this amae. But look at Yoh's reactions:

Yoh just stares between the Soy Sauce and Segasaki, between Segasaki and his food, and then just at Segasaki himself. He doesn't recognise any of this as amae, and in the case of feeding Segasaki makes the conclusion that this is somehow a new slave duty he's acquired. And therefore, he does not gain pleasant feelings from it.

In Ep 3 we see a turning point in Yoh's behaviour - his first (sober) attempt at amae (the argument in Ep 2 is debatable - it's not amae from Yoh's POV, but Segasaki responds as if it were, with a head pat and a "when you get drunk, you talk a lot don't you?").

Here, Yoh wants to express his desire for Segasaki's affection, but he can't bring himself to say it aloud. Instead, he dumps bedsheets on Segasaki's lap, as if the bigger the scene he makes the greater the intensity of his desire he can convey. It is the presumption that Segasaki will understand him that makes this amae. And then, we get this:

Not only a happy Segasaki and a sweetly shy Yoh, but also a Yoh who's emboldened by Segasaki's response, and who finally, for the first time, reciprocates touch, and considers the possibility that Segasaki might actually like him.

With every episode, Yoh gets more and more comfortable with doing amae towards Segasaki, because Segasaki picks up on his cues and always responds to them. In Ep 5, Yoh's amae comes out naturally, triggered by the stress of his unemployment, and we see it in all those moments he sounds and acts like a child, and as I mentioned, Segasaki spends the whole episode reassuring Yoh that his amae is welcomed, and that Segasaki likes responding to it. If you've been wondering why the relationship between Segasaki and Yoh can, at times, feel somewhat parental in nature - this is it. It's because Segasaki sees the contradiction between Yoh's childlike insistence that he does not like Segasaki and his desire for Segasaki's attention and affection, for what it really is - Yoh's struggle with accepting himself. When Yoh is able to be sunao, he does amae naturally, and Segasaki responds to him in kind.

Now, all we need is for Yoh to recognize when Segasaki does amae, which will likely happen soon, given that Yoh has grown with every episode.

As always, thank you for reading :))

#my personal weatherman #taikan yohou #体感予報 #segasaki x yoh #MPW language analysis #sociolinguistics #japanese language #japanese cultural tidbits #mytranslations #MPW subtitle corrections #my meta is creeping into my sub corrections #need to get it out here instead #sorry for the length #tbh posting such crazy long posts and expecting that people will actually read it #can be considered amae too 🤣🤣 #Ep 6 corrections will be out next #I just needed to get this out before 7 #and i sorta made it

[appledaddyisbae]

*Lucifer as a crisis team coach*

Lucifer: You're just doing it for attention.

Person: You don't know what I've been through!

Lucifer: And let's keep it that way. If one thing's gonna die today, it's not gonna be my vibe, okay?

Person: Boo! You're bad at your job! Who hired you? This was a massive oversight.

Lucifer: Listen man I've been there, but when I get a little depresso I just sing this little tune, okay? *clears throat* Sing with me...

Lucifer: And I don't want the world to see me~ 🎶

Person: *starts harmonizing* Cuz I don't think that they'd understand~🎶

Both of them harmonizing together: When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am~🎶

Lucifer:

Person:

Lucifer: Feel better?

Person: Yeah...

Lucifer: Okay, come down now. Via the staircase out of the building.

Other crisis team guy: You're gonna get the shit kicked out of you one day, you know that?

Lucifer: And I'll like it. Pain kink plot twist, ayo!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel text post #hazbin hotel shit post #parody #stanzi potenza #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar #forgive me #lol #i had to #☀️💫 #sorry for the length

[ave-aria]

For @rotgsecretsanta prompt 14: Jack and Bunny investigating a crashed spaceship! ...There was a fic planned, but it’s in various stages of Doesn’t Like Me Right Now, so have a snippet instead.

-

Hollow Spaces

“See? Weird, giant... metal... cave. Thing.” Jack finished eloquently, gesturing to the open space.

It wasn’t a cave. E Aster Bunnymund knew that down to his bones. Despite the wear and tear, the weathered metal and the cracks littering the hull, and the fog obscuring the ground--he could still recognize it. The domed shape, the elegant archways, the broken, ancient technology littering the narrow path.

“--Mate, you don’t understand,” Aster said, awed. “This isn’t a cave. It’s a buried Alien Spaceship.”

“What?” Jack echoed, confused. “No? There’s no way it’s a--”

Aster could hear as Jack’s voice died in his throat as he looked around, examining the surroundings with a new eye. In Aster’s peripheral vision, he saw Jack do a 180, then snap back to face him with a blush.

Jack cleared his throat. “--Alright, in my defense,” he started up again, “I found this place WAY before anyone was ever talking about extraterrestrials. So.”

Aster almost couldn’t speak, he was so overwhelmed. But the words needed to be said. Spoken, perhaps, into existence. Swallowing, he forced out a whisper, immeasurably small and breathless.

“...It’s Pookan.”

“Well, I knew THAT,” Jack rolled his eyes. “I recognized the sigil on the door. But I just - I thought it was yours?”

Aster laughed, something between bitter and disbelief. “It’s not.”

“But-” Jack started, then immediately went quiet, understanding the implications. The ancient race, the spacefaring Pooka, the genocide. “Wait... if it’s not yours... Then who’s is it?”

“That’s the million dollar question, yeah,” Aster said, closing his eyes for a brief second before the need to see--to keep an eye on this anomaly, this impossibility, to keep it from vanishing from underneath his nose--forced his eyes open again. He looked upon halls he never thought he’d ever see again, rolling out in all directions, an endless possibility. And he frowned. “...Whose indeed.”

-

#ROTG #Rise of the Guardians #ROTG Secret Santa #Bunnymund #E Aster Bunnymund #ROTG Bunny #Jack Frost #Pooka #Jackrabbit #fanfic #Sketchy Sketch #Sorry for the Length

[zarvasace]

Zarvasace’s LU Stuff

Shatterproof

aka Mina’s disability AU. An AU where each Link has a different physical disability, ranging from Legend’s RRMS to Twilight’s transverse deficiency to Sky’s Deafness

First appearance: 10-17-2022

Tag: #disability au (for older posts), #shatterproof

(there is too much to link it all so just a few things)

Series on AO3

Summary post

Original art and introductions for: Twilight, Hyrule, Time, Wind, Wild, Warriors, Sky, Legend, Four

Silly jokes one and two

Four’s chair reference

Crayon doodles

Dazzling Diamond Danger outfit doodle, Four and Shadow doodle, hyrule doodle, legend doodle

bonds physical booklet

Marvelous Misadventures

In a world where "Hero" is a legal distinction given to extraordinary people who have done extraordinary things—a symbol on a driver's license, permission to carry a sword—the goddesses ask much. Magic is rare, magical beings even more so. Is it so strange that those most capable are those who have achieved?

Link Waker can See things: the ghosts on the docks, the feathered wings on a strange man's back. He leaves his home in the Archipelago to go gather the eight blessed others as required by the prophecy the goddesses seem fit to shove at him. It's not as simple a task as it seems.

First appearance: (not on tumblr) 5-17-2022

Tag: #marvelous misadventures

Fic on AO3

Group art

"cover" art

1931 Vampire AU

In a post-WWI world, Wind is a centuries-old vampire working with a small team. Little does he know that literally everyone else is magical too.

First appearance: 2-12-2023

Tag: #1931 vampire au

Series on AO3

Summary post

Relationship map

Art of Wind being extra

Art of Wind and Warriors

Doodles of Wind

Art of Sky and Four

Art of Time

Fake silent movie title cards

Pathfinder Chain

Character summaries and art as if the Links were present in Pathfinder’s world, Golarian.

First appearance: 4-24-2023

Tag: #pathfinder chain

Masterpost

LU Space Crew AU

Most who work the celestial highways long to find a place that they can call home. Most drift between crews and jobs, whether within the Kingdom or without. Some, however, live for the stars and find home is a cramped ship with engines rumbling the ground beneath their feet, and a crew that’s almost family.

First appearance: 3-1-2024

Tag: #lu space crew au

First post, summary

Art

Fic series on AO3

Half Fours

Literally just, what if Four was merged into two people instead of one or four?

First appearance: 1-10-2023

Tag: #half fours

Mini comic

First doodles and names: one, two, three, four

Shadow’s relationship with each combination

Red + Vio = magenta

Full drawings for: Magma, Storm, Dust, Haze, Spark, and Mire

Spark doodle, Dust doodle, Spark and Mire together

Magma drawing remastered

Storm and Magma in the forge

Other Significant LU Art

Dust and Haze fighting a monster

Darkverse AU

Each hero has a dark reflection. This is about them.

First appearance: 4-21-2024

Tag: #lu z darks au

Masterpost

(fics can be found on my AO3, Zarvasace)

tattoo doodles

Four and Shadow take a selfie with Wild's slate

Fancy Warriors I spent hours on

LU/FE3H crossover art

What I thought the LU boys looked like when I read a bunch of fic but hadn't seen official designs yet

LU group & AU prompt generator

#sorry for the length #reorganizing stuff #this will be linked in my pinned post

[flowers-of-buffoonery]

I SAW SOME OF YOUR ANALYSIS STUFF AND AUAUYAAUAUAHAHDKAKDISIAJRSIJAFKXKAIDK SO CAN I ASK WHAT YOUR THOUGHTS ON AKUTAGAWA/SSKK ARE 🙏 if not it’s ok !!

hi!!! I haven't thought extensively about akutagawa and sskk so I don't have general considerations – what I do have is thoughts specific to certain aspects of akutagawa's character, or certain sskk interactions. akutagawa and atsushi's first three fights gave me lots of food for thought re: akutagawa's early feelings towards atsushi. and so!! I present to you...

fascination, jealousy, sameness

akutagawa's thoughts on atsushi in chapters #4, #11-12, and #33-35

at first, atsushi is nothing but prey for akutagawa. the mafia wants to capture him alive; akutagawa, as a "humble dog" (his words) of the organisation, hunts him down to fulfil his duty – nothing more.

atsushi is something to be caught – something akutagawa has absolute confidence he can catch. he's so confident he stops to chat, to tell atsushi about rashōmon, to make threats. in short: he underestimates him. he doesn't see him as a threat even when atsushi tries to fight back.

but then, atsushi half-transforms into the white tiger, and that gets akutagawa's attention. atsushi stops being a helpless prey and becomes a vaguely challenging prey instead. akutagawa takes his time to observe him, taking in atsushi's skills, marvelling at his speed.

fighting him becomes interesting. of course, dazai steps in before long, ending their fight, and akutagawa has to go back to the mafia empty-handed, with promises of retaliation. what he thinks of atsushi at this point we might never know. what we do know, is that every neutral thought he could have had is abruptly killed the moment he speaks to dazai in ch. 9.

dazai tells him that atsushi is "far more talented" than akutagawa ever was; akutagawa, whose primary drive is to make dazai proud, is immediately consumed with jealousy and murderous spirit. atsushi might still be a prey, but his main status in akutagawa's mind is that of a rival – someone he needs to cut down to achieve his goals.

so the next time akutagawa has the chance to capture atsushi, he tries stabbing him to death. he doesn't even try to fight; he simply doesn't want him alive any longer. of course, atsushi's power heals him before he can die, and so akutagawa has to fight him again.

this time, akutagawa is absolutely ruthless with both his words and rashomon. atsushi is an obstacle to be removed; someone weak, someone worthless, someone dazai couldn't possibly consider training – and yet.

atsushi took the possibility of dazai's praise from akutagawa; he can't forgive him. so he mocks him, taunts him, toys with him. he's still so sure to be the superior ability user out of the two of them that, when atsushi manages to hit him by being smart, akutagawa can't help but think of dazai's lessons, of the cruel training he underwent, the skills he learnt – all of which atsushi lacks. and yet dazai has more faith in his skill than he does in akutagawa's.

the problem is – akutagawa can't see it. he refuses to see it, refuses to entertain the notion that atsushi, as untrained as he is, might be a match for him – because if he admits it, then isn't dazai right? so he underestimates atsushi again, and loses their first full fight because of it. which of course only makes him angrier.

in his anger and hurry to kill atsushi, akutagawa decides to ignore the truce between the mafia and the ADA, and joins him on the moby dick to kill him. at this point, akutagawa has been obsessing over atsushi for a significant amount of time, and I think his obsession didn't just strengthen his resolve to kill him – it slowly, subconsciously, made him see atsushi as a partial equal. he's been thinking about him so much that he identified similarities between the two of them; he hates him enough that he wants to kill him in a fight; and his previous defeat has forced him to realise that atsushi does have some skills.

so instead of attempting to kill him swiftly, akutagawa fights him. and as he fights him, you can clearly see there's a part of akutagawa that's fascinated by atsushi – this person he could almost see himself in, the only other person dazai chose to train. he's unaware of this fascination, and thus unable to conceal it.

akutagawa doesn't understand atsushi, and he doesn't understand dazai's choice to train him. but then fitzgerald reveals the horrors of atsushi's past, and suddenly akutagawa does understand, and his anger skyrockets – but so does his disdain. he despises the way atsushi wallows in his own pain, dwells on his own past, instead of recognising how lucky he is to have dazai's recognition and praise.

akutagawa can see himself in atsushi's past self. they don't share the same past, but their experiences are equivalent; yet akutagawa hasn't wallowed in his own misery for a single second, while atsushi is still bound by his painful memories. "I got over my past and got over myself; why can't you do the same and achieve greatness?" is probably what plays in a loop inside akutagawa's head. his disgust can only be so intense because atsushi's circumstances feel unbearably personal.

but akutagawa can also see himself in atsushi's present self, who is a student to dazai. the similarities end there, as akutagawa is convinced atsushi has done nothing to deserve this, and is wasting his good luck. "I got over myself and have been trying my utmost for years. you, meanwhile, are still stuck in your misery by choice, and don't make any efforts to become better... and yet dazai has taken you under his wing. why? why did it have to be you?"

these are, I think, akutagawa's thoughts. but a part of him can already see why dazai chose atsushi, why he deems him talented; he just refuses to acknowledge it, wrapped up as he is in jealousy.

#whew! this sure was a journey #1k words of analysis in reply to an ask? it's more likely than you'd think #sorry for the length #getting carried away is SO easy with these two #more thoughts will be forthcoming as I keep rereading the manga #tags!! #bsd meta #bungou stray dogs #bsd manga #dazai #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #obsessed aku #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akutagawa #atsushi #bsd atsushi #nakajima atsushi #shin soukoku #sskk #ask!

[theflyindutchwoman]

Lucy's healing journey is one that really resonated with me. I know so many felt her trauma has been forgotten by the show... And I get it. The thing is, I'm not sure if the writers forgot about it as much as they lost their way towards the end. Because they actually did a rather good job by having her trauma brought up in every season since Day of Death. They were showing us how she was progressing… And in a way, I feel that's what makes it even more jarring because it ended abruptly. They started a blueprint and left it unfinished.

It all started in 2.12 - this episode really gave us the key elements the writers used in Lucy's recovery. They mentioned straight away all the therapy work she has done since Day of Death : exposure therapy, cognitive therapy and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. I won't talk about the last two. But exposure therapy is really interesting : to put it simply, she willingly put herself in situations that could trigger her trauma, under the supervision of a therapist. In her case, I would assume being in tight/dark spaces would be on top of her list. Speaking from personal experience : cars, underground structures and elevators are some of the worst because you deal with them on a daily basis. And for Lucy who spends 12hours/day in a car and has an unpredictable job, claustrophobia had to be dealt with right away. Interestingly enough, we actually (almost) never saw her have a panic attack in an enclosed space. The show instead chose to focus on her issues regarding the human interaction/touch and trusting her instincts. Which, considering her job, are equally as important. Just less obvious.

In 2.14 + 2.17, we see a bit more of her progress. Lucy directly mentioned being buried alive as a way to remind people not to underestimate her. By that stage, she's no longer seeing herself as a victim, but as a survivor (thank you Tim). She is healing progressively and trying to find healthy ways to cope and if not, face the issue at hand, like Nyla advised her. We even get a conversation with Tim, giving us a glimpse of his guilt (and part of his trauma as well). And by 2.19, Lucy seems to be fine with dating and being touched. It closes one part of the arc opened in 2.12… However, it's worth noting that the show didn't stop referencing her trauma there.

In 3.01, we finally get a confrontation with Rosalind who manages to get the drop on Lucy by singing THE song. And yet, by the end, she seems confident, both of herself and of Tim's presence in her life. She knows that if she falls, Tim will catch her… And that is a huge thing. For both of them, because as much as Tim tries to deflect, her faith in him is absolutely important in regards to his guilt.

3.02 / 3.03 follow-up on this progress. We find out that her car was the only place she felt safe after her ordeal (which is really interesting considering she was forced in the trunk of a car - again no sign of claustrophobia)… It says a lot about where she is now that she feels confident enough to give away what was essentially her safe space to someone she just met. Even after Tamara sold the car, she is still able to let it go.

In 3.13, we have a major moment for Lucy. Nyla is essentially trying to trigger Lucy by abducted her just so they can see how she'll react. I say "they" because this moment is for both Nyla and Lucy. It drives the point home on how far Lucy has come in such a short time.

That's why I don't find it that shocking when Lucy dares Tim to do an escape room with her in 4.07. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely understand the reactions here. Considering what she went through, an escape room would not be my first choice either. But even if it's an enclosed space, it's still a controlled environment, of her choosing, with a person she fully trusts. And again, up until that point, we never saw her react negatively to tight/dark spaces. I mean, if she was able to deal with a fake abduction, being in a suit in a closed lab, seeing her murdered best friend stuffed in the truck of a car, adventuring inside the walls of her building or being in the back of a van (similar to the one Nyla abducted her in) without panicking, going to an escape room is really not that out of character. The writer may have completely forgotten about her trauma here but at least, it doesn't necessarily negate what we've seen either.

Now here comes 4.17... And all its triggers! Seriously, take your pick. We got : puppies' videos from Tamara ; the surprise of finding out her boyfriend watched the video of her being buried alive (and dying) without asking for her consent (or warning her in advance) ; THE song ; watching by herself the videos of her dying ; telling Tamara to go on a date with a stranger ; and going in an elevator without second thought… And in case that wasn't enough, Lucy was already panicking when she arrived at the DA's office. Now I can't believe that all these direct callbacks to Caleb and her traumas were pure coincidence. So I'm guessing they tried to make it an empowering moment for Lucy. And in a way, I can see it : by not testifying, she is beating Rosalind a second time. She is taking back her own narrative. It's her story, not something to replay for Rosalind's amusement and mind games. The problem is it fell… flat. I don't know exactly what went wrong. I'd venture too many triggering moments with no real impact or reaction. The puppies videos or Tamara's going on a date should have made Lucy hesitate at least for a second. Instead she barely reacted. Chris humming the song and the realisation that he watched the video should also have warranted a longer reaction. The look of horror and terror on Melissa's face was perfection but it barely had time to sink in before all was forgiven. She bounced back to her cheerful self all too quickly. I feel we needed some breathing room... To really see Lucy work through her decision to not testify to make it empowering.

And that would have made Rosalind's escape and Lucy's spiralling in 5.01 even more horrifying. Because just when she thought she was free, she was reeled back into Rosalind's mind games. Now this episode introduced some really good elements of claustrophobia. Like how Lucy found out about the escape while she was back in a tight space (airplane)… I will forever cherish Melissa for her acting choice in the bathroom, when Lucy's hands are shaking. But the fact that in this situation, she has to go in an even tighter space (bathroom) to get some small amount of comfort makes it even worse. Another moment is when they're in the car on their way to the casino… A car with tinted windows, at night, surrounded by people she doesn't know/trust… The first thing she does is rolling down the window so she can feel the light breeze and see lights… And then, she turns to make eye contact with Tim. At this point, she is barely holding it together (although she's doing a great job hiding it) and he is the only place of comfort she has. Tim watching over her during this whole episode is so sexy of him. He tries to give her as much control as he can while supporting her.

In 5.02 / 5.03, that's when her trauma starts to seriously be overlooked. Which at this point could still make sense : she's too focused on Chris and feeling too guilty to be introspective. And we see her reluctance in dealing with anything related to Rosalind's case (which was consistent with her previous decision). But Chris' trauma is too fresh for him to realise what he's doing and what he's truly asking of her (and I doubt he'd have the ability to read the room anyway). And she can't turn to Tim for help…

And that's when we arrive to 5.04… One thing that I liked was having Lucy not bothering with Rosalind and focusing instead on saving Bailey. It's on par with her decision in 4.17 : she's letting Rosalind be an afterthought, which was exactly what our sociopath didn't want. And by bringing back Bailey from the dead, she beats Rosalind a third (and final) time. We come full circle with Day of Death : this time, it's her turn to help someone by using her experience and she gets to save someone. It opens the door for a new healing arc…

And that's where it got completely brushed away. There was no acknowledgement whatsoever that Lucy's wounds were brutally reopened and that she was further victimised by Rosalind. We didn't see her process what she went through. We had a glimpse of something when Lucy said it didn't feel real but that's it. Tim and Grey felt almost too cold towards her. Even in 5.08 when Tim acknowledged Rosalind's actions, it's about Chris, not Lucy. That's why I'm not sure they forgot - it almost feels like the writers didn't even realise that Lucy went through her own trauma this time around. And what makes it even more disappointing and unsatisfying is that they did a lot of groundwork, it just needed a couple more scenes. I'm not holding up much hope for further acknowledgement but it could still be salvaged a bit. Have the true crime episode dedicated to Rosalind and have Lucy work through everything she experienced… Or have Lucy interact with a victim where she help them get through their trauma and at the same time acknowledge her own ordeal… Or have Lucy and Angela bond over what it feels like to be abducted, to live in fear of having your loved ones or yourself being killed by a psycho (since Angela's trauma has been completely ignored up until 5.12, having a real conversation about it could be nice)… Or have Lucy wake up from a nightmare and Tim hoping her process things... Anything.

Although I will end this whole thing by saying it still beats what we got from Bailey… Because I'll never get over the fact that they joked about her death. Literally. They basically said her dying this time around didn't matter because she already died previously so what's one more. Listen, I can have a dark sense of humour but show, there is such a thing as timing and that was not it.

Little added note - This isn't about screentime or anything. I am aware of the challenges of having a huge cast of characters. And while this whole post may not sound like it, I am actually happy that we got such a storyline to begin with because I'm used to shows ignoring traumas altogether. So this felt new and refreshing. Hence the frustration that they fumbled the last part.

#Sorry for the length #Got a bit carried away here #The rookie #Chenford #Lucy Chen #Character Study #Meta Analysis

[void-occupation]

The O'Carrick Curse

I just talked about a headcanon in the comment section of a fic that I just read, and realized that maybe I should post it here too.

In the fic ("who you are" by mipmaps on A03) Will ends up offering the surname 'Treaty' to Halt, who accepts, which I am absolutely in love with because of the headcanon that I am about to share with you guys.

I feel like Halt sees the surname "O'Carrick" as a curse, especially when he considers how miserably and/or tragically every O'Carrick (that we know of) has lived and died.

~ Halt mentioned that his parents argued all the time and were pretty much straight-up neglectful to everyone but Ferris. (I also headcanon that they were abusive, but I'll go more in-depth about that another time).

~ Ferris was so blinded by greed that he tried to kill his twin brother multiple times over a throne, and did so terribly at being king that he was most beloved by the people when that same twin was pretending to be him - not to mention that when he finally started to do better, he was instantly murdered for it.

~ Caitlyn spent her childhood being neglected and forced to grieve as the one person who truly cared for her apparently died, and she was the only one who really knew who was behind it. She also spent her whole life being sickly, and it was eventually what killed her, leaving her son (who I'm sure Halt was grateful didn't carry the same name) alone with her snake of a brother.

~ And Halt. He was also neglected his whole childhood to the point of being so afraid of hurting his parents' relationship that he would rather run away and leave everything he had ever known and loved behind then tell his parents that his brother was trying to kill him. Speaking of, his twin brother - with whom he spent his entire childhood, and loved in a way that only twins can - tried to murder him on three separate occasions for a throne he didn't even want in the first place. Shortly after this, Halt lost the man who he had come to see as a father, and had to deal with the survivor's guilt brought on by being saved by Will's parents, and leaving Will himself orphaned. He also didn't tell a soul about who he really was until literal decades later. He had to give up a second home in order to save his son apprentice that he felt responsible for losing in the first place (whom he has almost lost multiple times - the majority of which he felt responsible for). Then, he lost the man that he considered a brother (or perhaps a lover????). Not to mention the fact that by book 8 - aside from Sean - his whole family was dead.

I feel like Halt was bittersweet about his standing as the last of the O'Carricks. One reason, is he's glad no one else has to carry the burden of the (in his mind) cursed name. A part of him however, wonders if perhaps Halt was the curse all along. That was another reason that Halt didn't offer Will the O'Carrick name at his graduation, he was afraid that sharing a surname with Will would leave his former apprentice vulnerable to his curse.

When Will first offered his surname to Halt, the older ranger teared up, and Will was startled when Halt seemed to be on the verge of breaking down.

Before Will could start apologizing, Halt found himself pouring out all of his thoughts about the curse that he had feared his whole life, and his fear of inflicting it on Will and causing him the same misery. Will was completely stunned, because the only other times Halt had been this vulnerable were when he was telling Will about his mother, and when he spoke about his own childhood, and even then, those times were nothing like this. He had never heard this self-loathing from his teacher before but as he processed the words, he realized that it must have been hidden deep within Halt all this time.

Will took Halt's hands in his own, cutting off the older ranger's uncharacteristic rambling, and looked deep into his stricken eyes. "Halt," his quiet voice cut through Halt's mind like an arrow, "You are many things, but a curse is not one of them." Halt's eyes misted over, and it was all he could do to maintain eye contact. Will had never seen this level of vulnerability and hurt in his teacher's gaze, and he would do anything to take his pain away.

"You are not a curse, or a burden, or a monster, and it is not your fault that things with your family turned out the way that they did. You were as much of a victim as they were, if not more so." Here, Will took a deep breath, and bent slightly to maintain eye contact with the Hibernian whose dark gaze had drifted downwards to hide his shame. "Do you know what you are?" The soft question was rhetorical, for Will needed no one to give him answers besides his own heart and memories, "You are a protector, a kind soul, and the greatest man I have ever known. And I am proud beyond belief to call you my friend, mentor, and father."

At this, Halt's gaze snapped back up in shock. How could Will still say that after seeing him like this? After all the broken promises, and the hurt and heartache cause by simply being associated with the former prince? However, before he could speak his thoughts, Will plowed on. "I offer you my surname, not out of a sense of debt or obligation, but because I love you, and I wish for the world to know that we are family, and nothing - no self-believed curse, no painful pasts, and certainly no self doubt - will ever stop me from seeing you as my father. I offer my name because I see how much pain your own brings you, and if I can do even one thing to show you the same care you have always showed for me, then I will gladly do so."

By this time, tears had begun to flow freely down Halt's face, and Will's own eyes burned as well. Slowly, Halt nodded and whispered his acceptance which Will had to strain to hear. The younger ranger pulled his father into a strong yet warm embrace that he could only hope expressed the love he had for the slight man before him.

As Halt melted into the embrace, he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and though it would never truly leave him, the pain of his curse finally melted away as accepted the family he had feared for so long.

#ranger's apprentice #halt o'carrick #will treaty #caitlyn o'carrick #ferris o'carrick #halt's parents #sean o'carrick #I personally feel that Sean took his father's last name #which is mentioned in the post #sorry for the length #not me going from a rant into a straight up drabble #I just have a lot of emotions about this small sad Irishman #mentions of abuse #and neglect #Halt goes through it for a good bit #my comment on the fic was A LOT shorter

[gisellelx]

Twilight Advent Calendar, Day 5

Dec. 5 - What is each Cullen's favorite college major so far? What new major should they should try someday?

Masterpost/Prompts

Jake: got bored while Renesmee was in medical school. He started at what was at the time Paris Diderot in math, hoping to shore up for a Mechanical Engineering program eventually. He sidetracked into programming, and after he finished his short course, started working on Ruby on Rails. It feels a lot like working on cars, including the triumph of getting the thing running.

Renesmee: hasn't experienced multiple majors yet, so her medical studies are it. She wanted some distance from her grandfather's preference for trauma medicine (plus, she feels a little inferior in that her human half makes her a little less bright and a little less fast than her father or grandfather) and was originally headed for obstetrics until COVID hit. She's proud of having been able to be of such great use during the hardest parts of the pandemic, but like many doctors, she's burned out and is thinking about just straight up pursuing French literature the next go-round.

Bella: Also hasn't had lots of time to pursue many degrees but she worked her way through the content of a bachelor's degree while Renesmee was growing up in Forks, and then felt comfortable with Edward's offer to forge a transcript for her so that she could take an M.Phil at Cambridge in English Literature while Renesmee was in medical school. She's joked to Edward that she'd like to study neuropsych so that she can understand his messed up head better, but the longer this joke has been going on, the more she thinks she'd actually like to do it.

Jasper: loves history and has taken several degrees in it. He wanted to become a specialist in the American Civil War but he kept getting into fights with his professors (once the Cullens had to move because he was ranting so hard about what the Civil War was actually like that he tipped several people off). So he's actually an expert in the Almohad Caliphate and has two very obscure books on the topic published by almost unknown university presses. He also enjoys philosophy, especially Eastern philosophy, but has not done advanced work in it. He's the only person apart from Carlisle in the family to have published books.

Alice: took one one of her greatest challenges in hiding her vampirism to study dance under one of Balanchine's top students in the 1970s. She doesn't care much for formal education, but she's thought she might like to pursue a degree at the Fashion Institute of Technology the next time the family lives in the area.

Emmett: moved with Rosalie to Knoxville for a brief stint in the 1990s, where he studied kinesiology. Like Alice, he doesn't much care for the value of formal education, but he has a degree from the University of Tennessee and he's damn proud of it. If he does more than just hide in college sometime again, he basically just wants to go back there. In addition to Maria, he's a big reason the Cullens can't live in the southern US—they're afraid that if Emmett is within a reasonable run of Alabama or Georgia, he'll just go there and stir shit on behalf of the Vols.

Rosalie: is proudest of her medical training and how she can best Edward at it. But she also enjoys her mechanical engineering studies and is immensely proud of the things she's been able to invent thanks to them. She has been loath to study early childhood education, because she always thought it would make her too depressed, but after helping raise Renesmee, she's thinking that might be the next one she does.

Esme: most loved her M.Eng. in architectural engineering, which she received in the 1980s. While studying architecture felt challenging and transgressive because she was born in an era where advanced schooling at all for women was rare, it still felt enough like "art" to feel like something a woman should do. Architectural engineering, on the other hand, put her toe to toe with mostly men, and with her brains and her experience, she smoked them every single day. She was embarrassed for being so proud of it but Carlisle reveled in her joy and the way her success brought out an uncharacteristic braggadocio. She enjoyed the mathematics of it immensely, and if she did a new degree for fun, it might be in more theoretical mathematics. But the pandemic has opened up a world of opportunity for her for work (by @palmofafreezinghand) and she doesn't foresee that happening again soon.

Edward: would tell you his happiest time has been getting his two medical degrees of course, because he idolizes his sire. But in the 1940s, Carlisle shipped him off to Juilliard to study jazz piano. His mother had always wanted him to go there, and it gave him a great deal of peace to finally do what she wanted. After the pandemic, he's giving some thought to biochemistry, because he's seen the fact that he might actually be able to have an impact on the world like Carlisle does, and he's desperate to feel useful. (And he's suffering with anxiety about becoming an empty nester.)

Carlisle: mostly studies medicine of course and adores it, but his favorite course of study was his Ph.D. in musicology, specializing in the Baroque period. The book he published from his dissertation raised new questions about which compositions should be attributed to Bach and which should not and why won a first book award for its novelty, which was funny since he was mostly relying on his direct knowledge rather than his research.

His most meaningful degree, however, is his doctor of divinity from Chicago Theological Seminary. Like Edward, it was closing a loop of what his parent wanted him to do, but in it he found meaning and peace and closure he didn't realize he was missing.

#twilghtadvent23 #my headcanons #sorry for the length #academics is kinda my jam #cullen family #Edward driving Bella to study neuropsych is a longstanding headcanon of mine

[flowersforfrancis]

Why do people think humans killing each other is a bad thing when animals do the same thing and nobody gives a shit? NOW I'M NOT SAYING I AGREE WITH MURDER, IT'S A GENUINE QUESTION. I will explain. (I will be using lions as an example)

The only known predator for lions are other lions. They have no need to kill each other whatsoever. They don't need to in order to survive(technically) and they don't need to in order to get food.

Lions are warm-blooded mammals and they have feelings and they can learn things, just like humans. If they learn from mistakes and they adapt. They have even made up their own language through sounds that come out of their mouths, just like humans. I think that this kind of shows that they have thoughts and maybe a conscience.

Knowing this, human beings do not give a damn if animals kill each other, whether it be for food or for sport. So why do people get so upset when humans do the same thing? It just doesn't make very much sense to me.

God. To be perfectly honest I do wish that it was also anonymous on my end. But I’m not going to lie and say this isn’t something I’ve thought about quite a lot.

(Also apologies for taking so long- I was unsatisfied with answer-(still am), and then I just completely forgot.)

Yes, I definitely disagree with murder. But it is a funny thing. I feel as though humans have decided that they deserve a life- they deserve to live. We’ll say ‘taking a life’, as though in murdering someone you’ve just stolen from them. Like you’ve stolen an opportunity, a possibility. People will say stuff like, ‘oh they had so much left to do’, -something I often think about: When people are aware of the closeness of their death, often they’ll say they want to do certain things before they die- why? Sorry if it’s insensitive or offensive to any religions, but when you’re dead you simply won’t care. It’s only a sentimental Idea. Perhaps if you want to be remembered in a certain way, or do something like making a significant change. But fearing death is a whole 'nother thing, and of course it does have to do with murder, but I'm not even going to try to go into all that.

Death only affects the mourners. I guess murder is supposed to be unfair to them because, y’know, they want that person in their life. There’s the saying that grief is selfish- yes- selfish, but obviously reasonable, because we can’t help but need others. It’s interesting what you said about lions- that while they form attachments, same as us, they aren’t as affected by loses. I don’t really know why humans are more affected. Yes, we may be more developed and our relationships may be more complex, but it does make me think. Part of it might be because humans have a lot more individuality. We connect with everyone differently, and we are more exclusive in our connections. And humans do have more of capacity for thought- so over time we have thought about morals, and what we consider ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.

In the end I think murder has been labeled as wrong because of the way it makes us feel. And because while death is imminent, we try our best to avoid it for as long as possible. So when someone murders someone, the problem is the choice that was made. The death didn’t need to happen. If it did: the murderer is at fault. The person who died, easily could’ve lived. Again, Humans feel they are owed life and they are owed the people in their lives. -that no one has a right to take that, that it’s unfair. By murdering someone you are willingly bringing unhappiness to others- making it morally wrong.

I'd say we are repulsed by murder because it has been done at the hands of a human being with a consciousness. When someone has, for example been mutated we think of it as worse- out of fear and instinctive disgust. We talk of quick, painless, deaths, and hope that ourselves, and others, will receive them. But why do we care? If someone's death is painful, yes, maybe we don't want to imagine them in pain, but pain or no pain, they died all the same.

We plead and fight for our lives out of instinct, because we have a strange sort of a hope, because we hold a sense of belonging and a fear of the unknown.

But yeah, I don't really know the answer to your question. My general summary would be that the murderer is responsible for the suffering of those left behind. If someone were to be murdered, and they lived in complete isolation and hadn't a single relationship, I wouldn't see the fuss. We would only detest that because we have already been taught that murder is 'bad', whereas animals such as lions, technically, have been taught no such thing.

(Also I know that this was quite repetitive- sorry about that too).

#god idk #thanks for the ask i suppose #sorry for the length #and the time i took #and the rambling #don't mean to offend any religions #hope this actually means anything #idk honestly #philosophy #murder?

[freakyquill]

*Kate and Yelena take a trip to the seaside*

Kate: I’m so happy we came here today! It’s such a beautiful day!

Yelena, smiling: You had a very good idea baby chick.. Let’s settle down and bathe in the sun!

Kate, dreamily watching Yelena relax: You know I think I lov-

Kate, panicking: Uh long, I long for… uhhh a soup!

Yelena, raising her eyebrows: It’s so hot that you could cook an egg on the ground and you long for a soup…?

Kate, blushing furiously: Yeah, soups are amazing you know… All those ingredients, so tasty... Good for every season!

Yelena, putting her sunglasses on: You are very strange Kate Bishop

*Later that night*

Kate, going in for a hug: Thank you for the ride back, and for the amazing date- day, I meant day!

Yelena, hugging Kate back and kissing her cheek: You are very welcome Kate Bishop!

Yelena, smiling and winking: Oh, and before I go.. I think long for a soup too...

Kate: …Oh!

Yelena: Sweet dreams milaya moya

Kate, holding Yelena back: Lena wait! You forgot something!

Yelena, frowning: What is that?

Kate, kissing her on the lips: This.

#kate bishop #yelena belova #kate x yelena #yelena x kate #katelena #bishova #bishlova #incorrect hawkeye #incorrect quotes #incorrect marvel quotes #incorrect mcu quotes #feeling sappy #basically a drabble #sorry for the length

[ave-aria]

The special nets are made with titanium cables. They’re only about 30% effective when espresso is involved.

-

Yeah this has been sitting in my notes for a few months. I have no idea where it came from, just take it

#ROTG #Rise of the Guardians #Jack Frost #E Aster Bunnymund #ROTG Bunny #text message #crackfic #Sorry for the Length #If You Give A Guardian An iPhone...

[little-bunny-with-purple-stinger]

I just watched Kung Fu Panda 4, and I feel that it was so close to being a really good movie with a satisfying end to the series, but there were just too many little things holding it back, as well as some inconsistencies during the movie that made no sense for why some characters should've been where they were at certain times and it just felt slightly rushed and a touch too compressed, especially near the end of it all. I'm fine with the idea of passing on the title of Dragon Warrior and stuff, but I feel that it could've been handled better. But you best bet I am agreeing with anyone who says that Li and Mr. Ping are a couple and have gone on at least one date where they kept fumbling around, but that's not why I'm here. The Chameleon. Great design. Great power. Brilliant visuals. But not being able to get into any Kung Fu schools because she's too small? Then what's this little green stick bug here for then?! And this fangless snake that everyone kept making fun of? Or the bird built like a twig?! Literally Tigress is the only one who was really strong from the get go and fit the description The Chameleon was saying could be the only ones who could learn Kung Fu. And where was Oogway? Where was he when spirits kept getting yoinked? And shouldn't Kai be, like, not there? Like, I'm pretty sure he got turned into universe dust by Po, unless I remembered something wrong. Tai Lung was cool though, though I feel like his battle scene was a bit underwhelming for who he is. Made into disappointment when I realized that the lizards were still alive at the end of it. Like, Tai Lung doesn't show mercy. He's more than capable and has killed any who stood in the way of his goal. Of course, I am okay where at the end of the movie he accepted Po as being the right choice in the end. AND WHY ARE THE CRIME LORDS THERE?! THIS IMPLIES THAT THEY DIED AT SOME POINT, BUT WHY WOULD THE CHAMELEON BRING THEM BACK FOR THIS?! WHAT MANNER OF KUNG FU WOULD MAKE THAT WORTH IT?! And also, the thieves guild, what are they doing. They don't act like thieves except when showing that they are, in fact, supposed to be thieves. They're just a bunch of psychopaths that live in the sewers with how much they talk about and show how much they enjoy violence. I would've loved to see more interactions and reconciliations between Zhen(I only learned that was her name from the credits) and the pangolin dude(forgot his name). Like, that would've been so nice to see rather than "Hey there, we're going to kill you now" "Oh no, don't do that. Why kill now when you can do that later" "Oh, darn, you make a good point there. I shall leave you alone now and help you even though I want to kill you." Like, come on! The soundtrack was also kinda crazy at times, the last song felt really out of place with what was happening and the montage felt a touch unnecessary, which left a slightly bad taste in my mouth to wrap the movie up with. But for as much as I am complaining about it, it had a really solid concept and idea that was perfect for wrapping the series up. Po passing on the torch to someone else while becoming the new leader for his people, Zhen learning to trust and rely on another person was a beautiful thing to see that I feel was done pretty good. I loved the pangolin's design, and The Chameleon's transformation animations were so fluid and disturbing each time until the ultimate form one that felt kinda weird when you saw it moving and like just a dragon, but the Po form and execution was so scary and well done. And Mr. Ping and Li were a joy to watch bond and talk and bicker like a married couple(which they definitely are). Overall, it was so close to being a great movie with just too many small things bogging it down.

When I tried to talk to my brother about this we spent two hours complaining about the Project Monarch universe and how a lot of stuff that happens in it is dumb and how so many ideas and things are thrown out of the window. And where's Mothra? Where's my girl Mothera? Godzilla in that universe is nature's wrath, and apparently Mothera is supposed to be the nice part of nature or something like that it's been a while since I watched the movies okay, but like, where is she? I know she died or something, but a big part of what makes Mothera Mothera is that she is constantly being reborn, so where the freak is she?! My brother had a lot of other complaints that I forgot already, but I have to agree with him. The Monarch universe, while interesting concepts and other things that it started out with were good, has thrown far too many things out of the second story window and rewritten so many facets of itself and only ever implied, never saying or showing many things, implied so much that you would need a bulletin board to explain everything. And I only just learned tonight that there is an official Monarch series that has so much freaking stuff in it that explains so much that they never really advertised. And who is this angry red monkey playing with bones? I haven't yet seen the new Godzilla vs Kong movie, and I don't plan to, but who is he and why is he there?

AND WHERE IS MOTHERA?!

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Please let me know your thoughts and feelings in the comments and tags and whatever else I may not know of since I am still new to this land of Tumblair, and have a lovely rest of your day.

#kung fu panda #Kung Fu Panda 4 #godzilla #godzilla vs kong #personal rant #WHERE IS MOTHERA?! #It is 11pm #I shall regret nothing #Why am I still tagging #Please discuss and let me observe you #This took longer than you think to write #I am having fun #This is fun #(: #I ranted a touch too hard #Yep #Still tagging #Kung Fu Panda 4 was still a good movie and I enjoyed my time watching #But I had to rant a little #Nitpicks if you will #Sorry for the length

[severalpossiblemusiks]

1, 7, and 13 for the asks please!

1: What band got you into prog? How did you find them?

I think it was Rush (of course). This is a weird story of how I got into them: I listened to a lot of radio in my younger years, and found a really good station that did classical, jazz, and varying levels of classic rock, adult contemporary, indie bands, etc. On Fridays they used to do in-depth plays and discussions into classic albums, and one day they picked Rush’s “2112”, and explained the sci-fi space opera concept, which was very interesting to a sci-fi/fantasy obsessed younger me. In addition to that, I was reading Ernest Cline’s “Ready Player One”, wherein Rush and “2112” hold a surprising amount of plot importance (not as much in the movie though). On top of that my guitar teacher at the time was a huge Rush fan, so when I mentioned my interest in Rush, he gladly started teaching me “Fly By Night” and regaling me about the band and how good they were. So between those three influences Rush quickly established me into the prog rock side of music (somewhat unconnected from this was my discovery of power and progressive metal, which also gave me a laundry list of band names and artists to listen to and research cause everyone is connected to someone).

7: Song or Album recommendations?

I have many. But in the interests of brevity I’ll do one album and one song, each by a different band.

Album/band: “Mosaic” by Theocracy. This band played a big influence in my discovery of power and prog metal, as the band being overtly Christian allowed me to convince my Christian parents that they were ok to listen to. Even as I’ve expanded my music tastes, this band has always been one I come back to every now and then, and with the release of “Mosaic” their fifth album late last year, I dove back into their music and found them still just as good as when I left them.

https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNmepQD4Vqf0en2aBxIXpDyg_PENVqxws

Song: “Starlifter: Fearless Pt. 2” by Crown Lands. This band is to Rush what Greta Van Fleet is to Led Zeppelin. Made up of two Canadians: singer/drummer Cody Bowles, and guitarist/bassist/keyboardist Kevin Comeau, they revive the classic rock and prog style with some modern production values, and do a killer job of it. I think this band will do numbers on progblr here.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JTKOPIGgddg&pp=ygUac3RhcmxpZnRlciBmZWFybGVzcyBwdC4gaWk%3D

13: Which musicians inspire me the most?

Definitely Tobias Sammet and Avantasia. Something about his musicality and lyricism just hits me so hard every time I listen to it.

A few others that sit high on my inspiration list would be Alice Cooper, Judas Priest, The Who, Meat Loaf/Jim Steinman, and a list of various jazz, world, classical, and folk artists.

#sorry for the length #also I hope the links work for you guys #asks #music #metal #prog

[toomanylegos]

Messages

She has no idea what she has done

The beautiful gift and horrendous heartache

The jagged wound and gentle touch

Yesterday, I was surrounded by messages and reminders

Young couples holding hands as they walked the street

Older couples sitting inside restaurants and smiling brightly at each other

Romance novels all around the bookshop I wandered

Lately, I had been praying for a sign

Something to tell me that what I was feeling was okay

Something to tell me that I could pursue her

Something to tell me that I wasn't mistaken about my feelings

Every couple I saw around me - in the halls of reality - was straight

Nearly every couple in the books - in the hall of fiction - were not

I was in shambles

Pieces

Shards

Was this a sign that it wasn't right? That I should let my feelings die inside my chest? That I should just stay silent and let her find someone else?

I was in shambles

Then, she gave me a gift; a direct message

She put a balm upon my heart that brought me to tears

Tears of sorrow

Tears of shame

Tears of joy

Suddenly, my heart didn't feel as heavy...

I'm not sure if I'm right about this

I'm not sure if it's okay

But I want it to be

Oh, I want it to be

#sorry for the length #long vent #vent post #i hope she isn’t sick of waiting for me #if she is I'll apologize to her #I'll apologize to her regardless honestly #sorry i just had to get this out

[wandering-night19]

Lonestar Proud Thoughts and Feelings

Okay, so to start this off the two most important things to know are 1. I took my sister with me who has never seen an episode 2. I have crippling anxiety. I’m not being sarcastic or funny it can be truly debilitating at times. In fact it has me replaying everything that happened in a loop and not in a good way. But I left Saturday afternoon happy and having had an amazing time, so I keep reminding myself of that.

So this is going to be very long winded and I will put it beneath the cut along with every picture I took that day.

We were assigned to table 5 and at first it seemed like it was just going to be the two of us at the table, but we were later joined by four of the volunteers. I had no idea it was going to be so small and intimate, so I was immediately terrified because it would be impossible to be lost in a crowd of people. 

They gave us the lineup for the day saying we’d start with autographs, then photos, then lunch, and after would be the Q&A. I swear to god it felt like an out of body experience when they came out. All day I couldn’t quite believe it was real. 

Because we were at table 5 which was basically the volunteer table we went last for everything. Which was fine with me, I promise! I very literally could not let go of my sister the entire time. If I didn’t have a death grip on her sweater she was holding my hand. When we were called up for autographs there was no one at Rafa’s table and a line at Ronen’s, so we started with Rafa. 

I was absolutely frozen. I couldn’t even say hi and I barely made eye contact. I just stared at the table. My sister did all the talking, which resulted in one of our favorite quotes from the day where she asked Rafa if he spoke Spanish. (I die a little every time I remember it.) Because there was a slight awkward silence while he read the poem my sister apologized for both her hand writing and any spelling errors as she doesn’t speak Spanish and was merely copying it down. He said there were no mistakes and commented on how beautiful it is before asking if it was for him. My sister explained I wanted it signed, he hesitated and said it was way too pretty to ruin with his autograph and then signed it anyway. We then had him sign a blank piece of cardstock because my plan is to turn it into a sticker for my hydroflask. He smiled and thanked us for coming and I feel like I smiled and nodded back, but who knows because my soul had left my body.

Both my sister and I were near death and automatically headed back to our table before she remembered we still needed Ronen’s signature and we had to turn around and get in the line for him. When my sister handed him the poem he asked if it was Italian and she said no it was Spanish. He asked if he was supposed to sign anywhere specific and she said no anywhere was fine. She explained it was my favorite poem and how I thought it fit TK’s and Carlos’ relationship. So then he yelled for Rafa to translate it. (I may have jumped when he yelled and he apologized.) Rafa said he would tell him about it later. He signed it and then my sister explained the sticker thing and he signed the other paper. Finally, we went back to the table. Me still not having said a single word. My hands were shaking so bad it was ridiculous.

There was then a small break while they set up for pictures. And then some very tense moments were we were told it would be a group photo with our whole group and not individual pictures. But the miscommunication was resolved and everyone was happy.

Again, my sister and I were last in line for pictures. I was terrified I was going to have to do it alone because no one else got pictures with two people. But then the husbands that were sitting at the table with us went together. This is the one regret my sister has. She really wishes she had made me do the photo on my own. I will be forever grateful that she didn’t because I would have blacked out. 

I am not a hugger. I barely hug my own family. I also have this fear that famous people aren’t able to consent to hugging and feel obligated to hug fans whether they want to or not, which makes me want to not hug even more. There was a moment where Rafa started for a hug, but with my death grip on my sister it would have been a group hug, so he stopped. He read my t-shirt and it seemed like he opened his mouth to ask a question, but then my sister was pushing her way in and getting us into position for the picture.

Ronen accidentally pulled my hair because I don’t think he realized how long it was and he was super quick to apologize. The photographer took about a million photos. Like I was beginning to wonder when it was going to end. But then it was over and they were super sweet and thanked us (which still blows my mind) and we headed back to our table.

And while on the way back my sister whispered in my ear, “when would be a good time to tell you my hand accidentally brushed Rafael’s butt? Just let me know when.” I died. I think I was more embarrassed than she was.

Next was lunch and the Q&A. Everyone’s been over the Q&A, so I’ll just put up the pictures I took during it (and one snapchat.)

Then it was time for the meet and greet. Two of the volunteers sitting at our table left before the Q&A and did not go to the meet and greet. We ended up being a group of I believe four. We were definitely the smallest, quietest, most anxious group. I felt a little bad because they kept trying to get us to ask questions and there were lots of long silences. But I thought they were so kind and gentle with all of us. There was an older woman in the group that asked a lot of questions, so at least it wasn’t completely silent. But they made me cringe, but both Ronen and Rafa were so kind and answered them.

She asked about bringing back the bartender and having him be a guest at the wedding to cause some drama between TK and Carlos. Ronen said he didn’t think there would be much drama as TK wasn’t interested in the bartender at all. And Rafa stated that TK and Carlos were it for each other there would never be anyone that came in between them.

She then said the he could be the bartender at the wedding and that could be funny. Ronen said it could potentially be funny.

She then asked if Lou would be at the wedding. Rafa looked very confused for a minute and Ronen asked if she meant the lizard. She said she did. And they both said Lou had been set free and Rafa said he was probably busy making his own family and wouldn’t have time for the wedding. Ronen made the comment that he didn’t see any pets in TK and Carlos’ future.

There was one other question asked by the guy that asked the question during the Q&A about how to handle being so anxious for the characters. And I really, really wish I could remember it because Rafa answered it and was really sweet. The guy was sitting right next to Rafa and they had their own little conversation. And I know he was just as nervous and anxious as I was because his voice and hands were shaking whenever he spoke. But I also felt so proud that he did speak and ask his questions because I couldn’t. I was absolutely paralyzed. And i knew how hard it must have been for him.

Anyway, then it was time for pictures. Ronen was very much in charge of the whole meet and greet thing. He explained how it worked when we all got in the room and then he took charge during pictures and told us what wall had been designated as the selfie wall. Then as he and Rafa were walking towards it he said “and we’ll start right here” and touched my shoulder. I definitely blacked out.

So my sister and I got up. She had my phone and was going to take the selfie herself, but Rafa told her to give the phone to Ronen because he’s a professional selfie taker and my sister made a joke about her long arms, but that she didn’t have much selfie experience. He took a few pictures and then we were done.

When it was finally time to leave we had parked on the convention center side of the hotel when we had first arrived and had to make our way back over there. My sister was trying to tell me I had done a really good job and I had made it through the whole day without a panic attack and I could breathe now. AND I TRUSTED HER AND THEN WE RAN INTO RONEN IN THE PARKING LOT!

I for sure thought he was going to think we were crazy stalkers. But again he was just super nice and thanked us for coming and then saw our California plates and asked if we were from here. My sister said that she lived in Lakewood (it’s about 45 mins from Burbank), but that I had flown in. He told us to have a good day and then we got in our cars. There was the awkward follow through the parking lot with me screaming in the car at my sister that he was going to think we were following him, but thankfully we turned different directions when leaving the parking lot.

I just want to end by saying that even though right now I’m beating myself up because I wasn’t able to say a single word and I barely made any eye contact, not once did they ever make me feel bad for it. They didn’t try to force anything or say anything rude. They were just so patient and kind. So even though I have convinced myself that they probably think I’m an idiot and the most awkward turtle to have ever turtled, they were very, very nice about it. And I’m so glad I stepped outside of my comfort zone and decided to buy tickets and go. Maybe next time, if they do this again, I won’t be so awkward. 

#911 lonestar #ronen rubinstein #rafael silva #tk strand #carlos reyes #meet and greet #this is all still so surreal #sorry for the length #i tend to ramble #my heart is literally beating so hard just remembering everything #sorry i'm so cringe #picture heavy