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brain-amoeba · 8 months

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UPDATE: Finished fic has been posted!!! For anyone just now finding this post, click this fucking thing now to go to the finished story!!!!

hey everyone!! dont think i havent been periodically creeping on the blog and see how things were doing--i ended up leaving my old job and got a full time job to better support myself as i finish up my degree so sorry for the absence! here is a fic preview of one of the (many) fics in my drafts that i'll be working on and hope to post in its entirety this weekend!!!

as always, your support of me has been a great source of my happiness and stability and i thank you for your continued readership and interactions :3

Stake Out (Sniper x fem!Reader)

Sniper didn't understand why he couldn't just be alone. He's never needed another person to watch his back while on a stake-out, and he damn sure doesn't need one now. Admittedly, he's quite frustrated. With you? Not exactly. With the situation? Damn straight. The dead of summer heat left you scantily clad, much to Sniper's detriment. How could he bear to get anything done when you're sitting right here next to him like this, as if on display? You weren't exactly a happy camper, either. You knew Sniper didn't need any help, so you were already prepared to deal with a sour attitude-- but the unbearable heat and the fact that you have no choice but to spend a night together in his one-man van--left you equally as frustrated as the Aussie. As the afternoon dragged on, you let out an exasperated sigh and turned to your superior. "Is it okay if I take a nap?" You ask meekly, afraid of distracting him as he peered through his scope wordlessly. Sniper pauses a moment, then sets his rifle down. "A nap? Wasn't your whole reason for bein' 'ere to watch my back?" The look on his face sent a shiver down your spine. It was just an innocent question, really! You figured since it was an unspoken fact that the both of you knew you didn't really need to be here, it would be okay if you, well, slacked a bit. You cock your head to the side before testing the waters again. "...yes?" He stared at you with an expression you were unable to read. Was he mad? Was he just pulling your leg? Sniper pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, looking back up at you sternly. "Sure." It was hard to deny that his pent up frustration, among his general discontent with today's circumstances, left him irritable. From the bloody start he just wished he could be alone. None of this would have happened! Now how is he supposed to concentrate with the temptation of your vulnerable, unconscious body left splayed out before him mere feet away?! He shooed you along, allowing you to sleep in the camper while he did a little exercise in self control and maintained watch on enemy territory.

Upon entering, you thought nothing more of your surroundings and crashed on the bed with a soft thud. It was almost too easy to fall asleep, until you shot straight up and felt panic set in. Oh god. This is the only bed in this whole camper. The only viable surface to lay on, period. You were suddenly plagued with the image of a scowling Sniper, and the discomforting silence that hung around the two of you all day. How on earth are we supposed to sleep in this bed together?! The thought of cuddling with your superior after you were sure you just ruined his whole day made you tremble with anxiety. You thought it best to set your worries aside for now to get some rest. Perhaps if you slept now, that meant you could stay up on watch through the night while Mundy got his rest--avoiding the bed predicament entirely. As you pondered on what exactly you'd like to say and played out the interaction in your head, you lulled yourself to sleep with your own thoughts. The heat left you laid out on top of the covers with your sweat-soaked garments hugging your body like a constrictor. Right as you fell asleep, Sniper, with his brief solitude, was able to clear his head and abate his frustration for the time being. With no new action on the frontier, he decided to take a small break to check on you, making sure you at least were comfortable back there. Sniper knew it wasn't exactly a home, and felt a slight twinge of guilt having such a beautiful girl like you surrounded in his clutter.

The Aussie gently knocked before entering still, and was greeted by the sight of you, out cold in a starfish position. He stumbled back, instinctively snatching off his hat and using it to cover his eyes. Guess she made herself comfortable. He thought to himself, hiding his flushed expression behind the slouch hat. Sniper set the hat back on his head, clearing his throat to try and escape the awkward silence between himself and your unconscious form below him. Mundy knew he had no business back here anymore--all he was to do was assure you found yourself alright back there, then he would return to his post. Yet, he found he couldn't bring himself to move. His eyes were glued to your body, as if its beauty had taken hold of him. You could still feel an overbearing presence, even in your unconscious state, which caused you to stir. Sniper inched closer to you, against his better judgment. The pent up frustration from spending a whole afternoon next to you, wearing the least amount of clothing you could get away with...it drove him absolutely mad. Even more so, knowing there was nothing he could do about it--he couldn't make a move, he was a professional after all! ...And professionals have standards. Before finally returning to his post, he hastily covered your limp form with a used towel discarded nearby. Out of sight, out of mind.

thanks for reading this far! feel free to inbox me with any ideas or feedback and I'll be sure to incorporate them in the final draft and hope you guys are excited for more food!

#fic preview #tf2 sniper #team fortress 2 x reader #mick mundy #tf2 sniper x reader #tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 x reader

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invisibleraven · 2 days

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"did you eat today?" for Ray & anyone?

Ray found himself with more time to himself than he wanted now a days. Sure he had his work to keep him busy, but he wasn't made to sit at a chair editing between shoots, and he was comfortable enough that he could be picky about those.

He also had his family, but Julie was more out of the house than in it between school, her band, and her part time job at the local library. Carlos had his baseball and his own teen dramas to deal with, no time for his old dad anymore.

Tori had tried to set him up a few dates, but he didn't feel ready to move on from Rose. Even if she had been gone several years now, it felt like a betrayal to see other women. He was sure Rose herself would be encouraging him to get out there, but he was content enough alone.

So he decided to take up gardening.

He had always had a bit of a green thumb, helping the various plants Rose insisted on filling the house with thrive and flourish. After she passed he moved them out to her studio-more light and a chance for quiet solitude when he watered them.

Today though, when he went out to grab his pruning shears and give the ferns a good going over, he found someone there. A boy, probably around Julie's age sleeping on the worn leather couch there.

He looked rather rough, in ripped jeans and a flannel that had seen better days. Dirt smeared his face and there was a scent that spoke of a lack of access to soap. Probably a runaway who had stumbled upon the unlocked garage and figures it was better than sleeping rough.

Ray shook the boy gently who startled, shrinking into himself, holding up his arms as if expecting an attack.

"I'm sorry! I just needed somewhere to stay and the nice girl at the library said I could come here and I didn't take anything I swear!"

Ray softened, though he was definitely going to talk to Julie about offering up their property to strays after she asked him first.

"It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you or call the cops," Ray assured him. "I just wanted to figure out what was going on. Julie-the girl who sent you here is my daughter. I'm Ray."

"Reggie," the boy whimpered, oh so slowly lowering his arms and Ray inwardly hissed at the black eye and obvious bruising covering the boy's face. God who would-or even could do that to a child?

"Well Reggie it's nice to meet you," Ray said, sitting in the chair opposite him. "Do you have someone you want me to call for you?"

Reggie shook his head. "Ain't got nobody."

Ray very much doubted that, but didn't push the issue. "Well how about you come in and use the facilities? I can toss your stuff in the wash, get you something new to wear in the meantime. Did you eat today?"

Reggie's stomach grumbled, almost as if in response. "What day is it?' he asked sheepishly.

"Wednesday."

"Then no."

"Well we can fix that," Ray surmised. "How do you feel about spicy food?"

Later, when Julie got home, she found her dad and Reggie getting on like the best of friends, and she sighed in relief. She was sure that she was in for a lecture, but she couldn't just let Reggie try to catch a nap in the study corrals when she had a plethora of couches for him.

Plus she knew that her dad was secretly a little lonely, and figured this would help. He did always have a thing for strays.

It wasn't long before Reggie was all but a member of the family. And a few years later, when she, Luke, and Reggie decided to marry? He became one in every other way that mattered-right down to his name.

#filled prompts #ficlet #ray & reggie #julie and the phantoms

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hebuiltfive · 4 months

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30 gentle prompts

13: "Lean on me."

John

Hellooooo! Thank you for the ask! This one fought me hard so I hope it reads okay and that it (kind of) fits the prompt!

(#13: Lean On Me from 30 Gentle Prompts)

Poolside

The pastels of dawn finally broke and gave way to the rising sun. Warm golden rays were cast down onto the island and, in the distance, above the crashing of the waves below, distinctive chatter of seabirds filled the morning air.

Having been so used to the silent solitude of orbit, by the cacophony of singing birds had woken John up early than usual.

Not that he was complaining. One of the only things he missed about being earth-side was being one with nature.

For a while, John remained laying in bed. With his eyelids closed, he listened to the symphony that was being played beyond his window in contentment. He could have stayed there all day but he eventually grew restless and pulled himself out from under his sheets.

So used to suiting up at a moment’s notice for his work, it took John very little time to get ready for the day. He was dressed and presentable within minutes. Before he left the solitude of his room, he grabbed one of his cameras; if he was up this early, he might as well take the opportunity to shoot some shots.

He traipsed down to the kitchen, being as quiet as his stumbling legs would allow him to be so he wouldn’t wake the rest of his family. A couple of his brothers, he knew, would already have been awake, but the rest of the household deserved all the rest they could get. It had been a difficult week readjusting Dad back into life back on Earth. The break they had requested from the GDF — or rather had asserted the organisation was going to be taking — had been desperately needed.

John’s idea had been to grab a quick morning snack before heading out onto the peaks but, as he entered the kitchen and noticed the small figure sitting alone on the edge of the pool, John’s plan quickly changed.

He abandoned the idea of breakfast and stepped out onto the cool concrete of the patio. If the sun hadn’t yet risen and the darkness of night had still been reigning supreme, John might have mistaken him for Gordon. But, as the golden rays shone down onto Alan, they made him look like the kid he still barely was.

John quietly stood beside him. “Are you normally up this early?”

Alan, who had his pyjama bottoms rolled up to his knees so his feet could be dipped into the pool, gently shook his head. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Many-a-time had John struggled to wake Alan up, even during one of his naps in the middle of the day. When the kid was out, he was out, so the easy confession made John’s instincts kick in.

Alan not being able to sleep wasn’t normal.

Worried, but determined not to show it, John casually sat himself down beside Alan. His jean cuffs were rolled up to match his little brother’s so he too could dip his feet into the pool.

“Jesus, Alan! This water is freezing!”

“Sun hasn’t warmed it up yet.”

“That’s why the pool has a heating system, you know?”

Alan shrugged. “Seemed like a waste to put it on if it was just my feet in there. It’s okay, they’ve got used to the temperature now.”

Pulling himself back up to stand, John huffed. He didn’t want to calculate how long that meant Alan had been out there. He walked over to the controls, set the pool heater to a sensible temperature, and then made his way back to his brother. When he sat himself back down, he crossed his legs and avoided touching the pool until the water had warmed up.

“What kept you awake?”

Again, Alan shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Nightmares?” John carefully probed. It wouldn’t have been the first time Alan had suffered from night terrors.

To his initial relief, Alan shook his head. His lack of a further verbal response, however, had John still worrying.

Trust me, he thought to himself. Let me in, Allie.

He cast a glance over. Sometimes it was easy to forget how young Alan was. Their work with International Rescue had all of them pulling crazy stunts and impossible feats, and Alan made it all look so easy. Sometimes they were all guilty of forgetting that Alan was still technically just a kid. Recently graduating high school didn’t change any of that over-night.

John’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not worrying about college, are you?”

He had thought the idea had been ridiculous to even suggest. This was Alan he was talking to. The kid would not only get the best pick of schools but he was also incredibly capable of doing anything he set his mind to.

The way Alan froze at his question, however, seemed to suggest that John had accidentally hit the nail on the head.

“Really? You know you have nothing to worry about there.” John continued, but when his brother still didn’t give him an answer, he coaxed, “Alan, come on. Talk to me. What’s going on in that mind of yours?”

For a moment, John wasn’t sure whether Alan was going to say anything ever again. His blue eyes were fixed on a lone canary coloured float that was drifting at the far end of the pool.

“Nothing’s going— My mind isn’t— I’m just…” Alan sighed deeply, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. “I don’t know.”

“That’s useful.”

John’s dry sarcasm was unusually welcomed by his younger brother, who cracked a small smile.

“Is it about choosing the college? Or the major? Or about making friends? Because, you do know that you will excel at all of that, regardless of anything that’s thrown in your way, right?”

Alan’s head shook. “No. No, it’s none of that.”

“Then what is it? Surely nothing is worse than those things. Are you worried about living away from home? Or—”

“It’s Dad.”

John stopped mid-sentence and watched as his brother inhaled sharply.

“Dad?”

Alan’s fingers picked nervously at the hem of his pyjama shirt. A thread that had come loose was in danger of being completely pulled out. “Well, not Dad himself… It’s my… I don’t know. Maybe it is…”

Without checking the temperature, John dangled his legs over the edge of the pool once again so he could more easily shuffle closer to his younger brother. He was thankful the water had begun to heat up nicely so his feet didn’t freeze this time around. John placed his camera down beside him and gently took Alan’s hands in his in a feeble attempt to save the pyjama top from further destruction.

“Having Dad home is great, that’s not what I’m trying to say, by the way.” Alan quickly blurted out. “But, up until now, he was always, like, a figment of my imagination. He wasn’t real. There was no-one that I needed to impress, you know? I mean, other than Scott but… Scotty’s different. Dad’s… Dad.”

“Alan, you don’t need to worry about impressing him.”

“You don’t get it.”

“As the middle child of four impressive brothers, I think I do.” John attempted a soft smile, but Alan didn’t seem to notice.

“Try being the youngest of four impressive brothers.” He sighed again. “That’s not the point, though. Dad being back… I always dreamed of that day, no matter how impossible it seemed, and now that it’s happened and it’s real… I don’t know. Living up to whatever it is he’s hoped for us is kind of… scary?”

John wrapped an arm around Alan’s shoulders, but his brother remained as stiff as a rod. Softly, he attempted to pull him closer, but Alan shook him off.

He stood up, splashing John as his feet snapped out of the water with haste. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t pick up bad habits from Scott.”

“But I am, okay? I don’t need to be hugged or coddled, I just need to… I just need to grow up.”

The assertion had John stumped for a moment. Whilst Alan had been the youngest of them all, never had he shows signs of immaturity when it mattered. In some ways, John grieved the fact that Alan was never able to experience a normal childhood as he and his two older brothers had done. Even Gordon had received a semblance of normality before they’d all uprooted and moved to the island. Alan had been “grown up” for a far longer amount of time than he should have been.

“Don’t say that.”

“What, the truth?”

“Alan…”

With less speed than his brother, John lifted his feet from the pool and stood himself up too.

“What if I’m not good enough, Johnny?” Alan’s voice broke, his face contorted to try and keep the tears at bay. “What if I’m a disappointment to Dad?”

“You’re not going to be.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Yeah, I do. You want to know why?”

Alan seemed unsure as to whether he should have allowed John to continue. He fidgeted, swaying from one leg to the other as his fingers pulled at that single thread of his shirt once again.

John didn’t wait for Alan to offer up an answer. He knew that an answer wasn’t going to be in the cards. “I know because of all the things I’ve seen you do, Alan. You say that you’re worried you won’t impress Dad but you impress us all every single day.”

He took a pause, allowing Alan a chance to try and negate that comment. When he didn’t, John stepped towards him and placed his hands on his shoulders. Alan’s watery eyes lifted to meet John’s.

“You’re already an amazing person, Alan, regardless of what Dad thinks, though I know he thinks it too.”

“How?”

“When we were in the Oort Cloud, I was co-piloting with Virgil and we had Dad onboard. You were flying ahead in Three and Dad was watching you pilot that craft with such awe, Alan. He asked us who taught you to fly like that. We told him you were a natural and he looked so proud of you, Allie. You don’t need to worry about proving yourself to him. That’s not something you’ve ever needed to be worried about.”

Alan crumbled at that. He fell forward and into John’s arms. The outburst was no doubt at least partly due to the fact that none of them had yet taken the time that week to fully process the fact that Dad was home. If John thought too hard about it, about what Alan had just confessed and what he’d said in response, he might have risked becoming overwhelmed too. No longer did they have to come up with imaginary what-ifs when it came to their father. Anything they wondered about, they could now confirm with a simple conversation and that… That was going to take some getting used to again.

Alan sobbed into John’s shirt, but John just held him. Their conjoined shadow began to show on the rocks behind them as the sun rose higher and higher in the sky.

“It’s okay, Allie. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

“Sorry… ‘m sorry…”

John pulled him in tighter. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

“But you shouldn’t… need… I’m fine.”

His lips dared a smile. “I know, but I am and it’s alright. It’s always alright.”

Alan broke away and roughly wiped his cheeks with the back on his hand. “You were busy.”

“I wasn’t.”

He followed Alan’s gaze as it trailed over to the abandoned camera still sitting by the poolside.

“I was just going to take some photos of the sunrise.” John clarified.

“And I ruined that.”

“Hey, no. No, you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I did.” Alan hiccuped through a sniffle. “You had to become my emotional support again.”

“You know that I’m always willing to be that, Alan. You know you can lean on me whenever you need to, no matter what, okay?”

“But your photos!”

“I can still take some.”

John observed the sky quickly, squinting as the warm sunlight bathed the pool in morning light, and then glanced back at Alan. “You can join me if you like? That way we can talk more, if you wanted?”

Alan pondered the question for a moment before offering a small nod. “Let me grab some shoes.”

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #five fics #prompt tag #gentle prompts #five answers #janetm74

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lemoncrushh · 1 month

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The Entertainer - Track 10 - Let's Make the Most of It

Summary: Set in the 70s, Sky Jones, a young woman from L.A., meets Harry Styles, an up-and-coming musician and frontman for the band Wildfire. Told in first person from Sky’s point of view, she shares her journey and what it’s like to fall for a rockstar.

STORY PAGE

Track 10 Word Count: 4.3k+

It was a zoo backstage, people zipping back and forth to prepare for Wildfire’s two final shows of their west coast tour. Halo and I helped with whatever we could, but mostly tried to stay out of everybody’s way. The buzz in the air was contagious though, as music rang through the hallway.

“Livin’ on rock-n-roll music Never worry ‘bout the things we were missing When we got up on the stage and got ready to play Everybody’d listen.”

“So did Lee ever apologize?” asked Halo as she bit into her hamburger.

I joined her at the table with a plate of my own, where I spread mayonnaise on the bun.

“Indirectly,” I replied. “Harry said he apologized to him and everything’s okay now.”

“For the sake of the band, I’m sure.”

“Yeah. But I’m fine with it. I don’t wanna be the one to come between them. Plus it means the ban has been lifted.”

Halo nodded as she chewed.

“Not like I was following it anyway,” she chuckled.

“Halo? We haven’t really talked about it…but what is your plan when they leave? We can’t exactly follow them all around the world.”

Halo paused for a moment, then swallowed and wiped her mouth with a napkin.

“Honestly?”

“Yeah.”

“If Mitch were to ask me, I’d go. But he hasn’t asked.”

“Oh.”

“Why?” Halo lifted her burger. “Has Harry asked you?”

I shook my head.

“It’s just as well,” she said. “I mean, what are we gonna do, be groupies forever? We have to make a living.”

I picked at my own hamburger, my appetite suddenly gone.

“Sorry, Sky. I know you hate that word. I don’t really consider you a groupie.”

“I know,” I replied softly. “And you’re right.”

“Excuse me,” I suddenly heard a voice say behind me. A female voice, with a British accent.

I turned around to see a pretty girl who looked around my age. She wore a long burgundy coat with fur trim, and a pair of matching lace-up boots. Her shoulder-length hair was the kind of brown that I always wished mine would be, like it had been sun drenched and dipped in a vat of caramel, then painted in even strokes with wine.

“Can we help you?” asked Halo.

“I hope so. Can you tell me where I might find Harry Styles?”

“Maybe,” Halo replied smugly. “Who are you?”

She didn’t have to give her name. I knew exactly who she was.

“Just an old friend,” she smiled.

Halo glared at me, waiting for a response or the go-ahead. But no words escaped my lips. I simply stared at her, my ass glued to my chair.

“Well old friend,” Halo smirked, “Harry and the rest of the band just finished rehearsal and they went to the hotel to get ready for tonight.”

“Oh, of course. Well…I’ll just try to catch him after the show, then. Cheers!”

“Who was that?” Halo mouthed at me as I watched the back of the other girl’s head leave the room.

I released a deep breath and shut my eyes. This couldn’t be happening.

“Pretty sure that was Pippa,” I mumbled.

“Pippa?” Halo gasped. “The Pippa?”

I nodded with a groan as I put my elbows on the table and rested my head on my hands.

“What is she doing here?”

“I’m assuming she wants to see Harry.”

“She came all the way from England?”

I shrugged. “I guess.”

“She’s really pretty.”

“Shut up, Halo.”

“Sorry.”

I gulped as I stared down at my uneaten hamburger.

“I’m gonna go back to the room,” I announced as I rose from my seat.

“But you’re already dressed,” argued Halo, gesturing to the outfit I’d changed into earlier.

“I know. I just need…solitude for a little while.”

Though I tried to take a nap, I couldn’t. I kept seeing Pippa’s face behind my eyelids, hearing the ring of her accent in my ears. I finally had an image to put with Harry’s description of the night Simon died, when she’d confessed she had feelings for him. There was no doubt she was beautiful, and it was a wonder Harry had been able to resist her at all.

Finally giving up on sleep, I rose from the bed and freshened up before making my way back to the venue. Halo practically ran to me when she saw me coming down the hall and had to stop fast when she reached me.

“Harry was looking for you,” she said nearly out of breath.

“What’d you tell him?”

“That you’d gone to rest.”

“Where is he now?”

“In there,” she pointed to a closed door at the end of the hall.

“She hasn’t come back, has she?” I asked quietly.

“Nope.”

I knocked gently on the door before entering, though there was no need to. Peeking my head in, I saw Harry sitting on a chair with his guitar. His eyes lit up when he saw me which made me feel a hundred times better instantly.

“Hi!” he greeted, standing up and setting his guitar on the sofa beside him.

“Hi. You were looking for me?”

“Yeah.”

Shutting the door behind me, I leaned back against it.

“What’d you need?”

Harry grinned as he stepped closer to me, taking my hands.

“You.”

“Me?”

He blinked and nodded slowly, tilting his head until his lips met mine. I stared at him breathlessly when they separated, my heart racing in my chest.

“Well…what can I do for you?”

Harry chuckled. “Nothin’. You just did it. Just wanted to see you before I went on stage.”

“Oh,” I smiled. “Well, that’s nice.”

He bit his lip as his eyes roamed my body.

“You look beautiful,” he said, his fingers grazing my shoulder as he pushed my hair back.

Pippa who? I thought to myself as my heart beat faster.

Halo and I watched the show from the side of the stage, where we could see the audience. I spotted the blonde girl - the toe stomper and her friend on the front row. I let my eyes peruse the area for Pippa, but I never came across her.

It felt a little bittersweet, watching Wildfire and knowing they only had one more show before heading east. I began to wonder what I would say if Harry did ask me to come along. It was ridiculous, wasn’t it? I couldn’t go on tour with him. I was a California girl, and other than traveling the coast to see a few bands, I had never left my home state.

Finishing one of my favorite songs, Harry returned his microphone to the stand and looked over at me. When our eyes met, he smiled his dimpled smile before introducing the next tune, the final song of the evening. The crowd went wild, cheering and singing along to their biggest hit. I was quickly reminded of the show in Chula Vista at the honky tonk when no one knew their songs yet. I thought of the time Harry and I had shared since then. I thought of our conversation the other night in my bedroom.

“I am the entertainer I’m here to do my show You’ve heard my latest record It’s been on the radio…”

As much as I would insist that he was indeed a rockstar, I understood what he meant about being an entertainer. He was entertaining everyone in that room with his charisma, his talent and his love for music.

The band gathered backstage after the concert, the energy still filling the room and bouncing off the walls. Harry found me in the middle of the hallway and picked me up and spun me around. I giggled as he set me down and planted a big fat kiss on my mouth.

“That felt great!” he exclaimed. “Think that might’ve been the best show we’ve ever done.”

“Yeah, it w-“

“It was brilliant,” a voice interrupted me.

I froze. I knew she was coming back after the show, but a part of me had hoped she’d changed her mind. I saw Harry’s face before I saw hers, his eyes wide, his expression incredulous as he released me from his arms.

“Pippa?”

“Hello, Harry.”

“Pi- wha’…what are you doing here?”

“Well, I…” she paused, her gaze shifting. “I came to see you.”

“Oh.”

Pippa grinned. “I would ask how you’ve been, but that concert gave me the answer. Good job, Harry. I always knew you’d make it.”

Harry swallowed nervously. “Thanks.”

Looking around the room again, Pippa licked her lips.

“Think we could go somewhere to talk?”

“Um…” Harry looked from Pippa to me, then back to her.

Suddenly feeling like a third wheel, I spoke up.

“Go,” I said, touching his arm. “Catch up with your friend.”

“Are you sure? You don’t mind?”

I smiled at his concern, though I was faking it the best I could.

“Go. She came all this way.”

“Thanks. I’ll um…”

I nodded. “Just call my room when you get to yours. I’ll meet you.”

As I gave him a kiss on the cheek, I heard Pippa say “Thanks, love,” though I wasn’t sure if it was meant for me or Harry.

I walked towards Halo at the end of the hall, and she whispered to me with a nudge.

“You okay?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’m assuming you’re staying with Mitch tonight?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded. “Okay. See you in the morning.”

Passing Mr. Irving on my way out the door, he gave me a smile and a wave. I returned the wave, but at that moment, I just couldn’t manage to fake another smile.

1AM. I hadn’t heard from Harry yet, and I was getting a little anxious. Trying to distract myself, I played a little guitar, then turned on the television.

2AM. Nothing. The concert had ended three hours ago. Where was he? I considered calling his room, but I couldn’t remember the number. I was being ridiculous anyway. He’d call when he returned.

3AM. Still nothing. Maybe he had actually gotten back but thought I’d be asleep, so he went to sleep himself. Rising from the bed, I grabbed my key and opened my door, determined to find him.

His floor was semi-dark, lit only by dim sconces on the walls. All was quiet except for a low sound that seemed to be coming from further down the hall where I was headed.

Stopping in front of a door, I began to second guess myself. I couldn’t remember which room was Harry’s. Looking between two doors, I tried to recall which one he was staying in. I thought it had been the one on the right, but maybe I had it backwards and it was in fact the one on the left.

Finally sticking with my first choice, I raised my fist to knock, stopping mid-way. I heard the low sound again, but this time it was louder and accompanied by a similar, higher-pitched one. Fuck.

The moans increased, both in speed and volume and there was no doubt someone was having sex on the other side of that door. For a moment I thought maybe I had the wrong room until the male voice said a few words in a British accent. No!

Just as though someone had pushed me, I fell back against the wall. Covering my mouth with my hand, I slid down to the carpet, a river of tears flowing instantly. No, God, No!

Had I any strength in my legs, I would have gotten up off the floor and run as fast as I could. But instead I sat there in a ball, my entire body shaking with sobs, my eyes so full of tears I wouldn’t have been able to see where I was going anyway.

I’m not really sure how long I stayed on that floor. But when I felt like I’d exhausted all the anguish I possibly could, I wiped my face dry and stood up. I stared at the door for a moment, cursing it and the people inside, then I turned and walked slowly to the elevator.

My room was too quiet. Tossing my key on the nightstand, I turned on the radio for company. Normally I wouldn’t have been able to sleep with music, but I needed noise. Something, anything besides the angry voices in my head that kept saying “I told you so.”

“But all in war is so cold You either win or lose When all is put away The losing side I’ll play…”

I let Stevie Wonder soothe me as I changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed. My chest still shook as I gulped back a few more stray tears, until finally I laid completely numb.

“A writer takes his pen To write the words again That all in love is fair.”

I awoke to a knock at the door. Ignoring it, I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but the visitor was persistent, and the knocks continued louder until I finally groaned and went to answer it. Barely opening it enough to stick my head through, I saw Harry standing there, his hands in his pockets.

“Good morning,” he greeted with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Hi.”

“What happened to you last night?”

“What do you mean?”

Harry scratched his head. “Um…well, I rang your room a couple times and you didn’t answer.”

“I had a headache,” I lied, “so I went to sleep.”

“Oh. Do you wanna get breakfast?”

“No, not really.”

“Oh. Um…can I come in?”

“What for?”

Harry blinked, his crestfallen face making me feel a tinge sorry for him.

“Um…to see you. To talk.”

So, he wanted to explain himself, I thought. Fine. With a sigh, I stepped back and let him in my room. Shutting the door, I turned and looked at him. For a moment he didn’t seem like the strong, confident Harry Styles I knew. He looked like a confused little boy.

“What’d you wanna talk about?” I asked, dropping my hands at my sides.

“Something wrong?”

“No,” I replied sharply and a little too quickly.

“Yeah there is. You’re upset.”

“I’m fine, Harry,” I remarked, crossing my arms in defense.

He let out a breath through his nose and sat down on my bed. I remained standing against the wall, not bothering to take one step. I watched as he fidgeted with his rings before raising his eyes to mine.

“Sorry about Pippa,” he said.

“What?”

“I know it made you uncomfortable.”

Uncomfortable? Is that what he’d call it? I blinked back the tears I felt reforming in my eyes.

“I needed to talk to her though. You understand that, right?”

I swallowed hard, feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach. “You talked?”

“Yeah. We sat in the bar well after three. We got everything out on the table. All the resentment, the pain…her feelings towards me. She admitted she’d felt like she had lost Simon long before he died. And when he did, she felt tremendous guilt and didn’t know how to handle it.”

“And you?” I asked softly, afraid of the answer. “Does she still have feelings for you?”

Harry shrugged. “She says she still cares for me. I reckon she might’ve been attracted to me in the beginning, but her love for Simon overrode that. And when he started in on the drugs, she found herself struggling with her emotions.”

I remained silent as he looked down at his hands again.

“Doesn’t matter anyway. We both got the closure we needed. And then I took her to the airport.”

“She’s gone?”

“Yeah. She had an early flight to New York.”

“Oh my God,” I muttered, throwing my head back. What on Earth had I done?

Harry ran a hand down his face, breathing out a heavy sigh.

“I’m so fucking tired, too. Hardly got much sleep,” he complained. “Deacon’s room is next to mine and he’s got some chick in there. They were so loud, I could hear them through the wall. That was when I called you, but you didn’t answer. I almost came down here, but I reckoned you were sleeping, like you said. So I tried to get some sleep myself, but man, those two…fuck.”

“Oh my God, I’m an idiot!” I exclaimed, covering my face with my hands

“What?”

“Harry, I’m so stupid. I thought…oh God.” Lowering my hands, I saw his confused face again. “I went to your room last night. When you hadn’t come back, I went to find you. But I couldn’t remember which room was yours.”

“You thought I was with Pippa.”

I nodded.

“In my room.”

I nodded again, a single tear trickling down my cheek.

“Only you thought Deacon’s room was my room.”

“I couldn’t remember. And I heard the sounds and…”

My chest shook as I drew in a hitched breath.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Harry shook his head, a kindness in his eyes. Then he held out his hand for me.

“C’mere,” he beckoned softly.

Hesitantly, I took his hand. He pulled me to him where I landed in his lap. I giggled shyly at the sudden contact until I saw the expression on his face. Pushing my hair from my face, he leaned his forehead against mine.

“I hate that you thought that,” he murmured.

“I’m sorry. I was an idiot.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“I don’t wanna be that girl, Harry.”

“What girl?”

“The jealous type. That’s not me.”

Harry smirked. “Sure it is.”

“No, it’s not! I swear! I’m not clingy.”

“I didn’t say you were clingy.”

“I’m not expecting anything from you, Harry,” I explained.

He stared at me a moment before asking, “Aren’t you?”

“Huh? No.”

With a deep sigh, Harry shifted me from his lap to lay me down on the bed. Then kicking off his shoes, he situated himself above me, his green eyes telling me things I wasn’t sure he was willing to reveal.

“I like you, Sky. I really, really like you,” he admitted. “I’d even go as far as to say I’ve never felt this way…about anyone before.”

A gentle smile grew on my lips and I raised a hand to touch his cheek.

“You’ve…done something to me,” he continued. “Something I can’t really even explain. Because…it’s something I’d never thought I’d feel. We have a special connection, and I don’t take that for granted.”

I bit my lip as I nodded.

“But…I’m in a band. I’m going on the road. Overseas, even. And although I’d love for you to come along, I know it’s unrealistic. You have a life here.”

“I know.”

“There will be other girls, too. Lots of girls, whether I want them or not.”

“I know, Harry. That’s what I was trying to say. I understand.”

Harry blinked as I continued to stroke his unshaven jaw.

“It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to wait for me. So…I can’t…”

“You can’t commit to me,” I answered for him.

“Yeah.”

“I know,” I sighed. “I’m just glad you’re here right now.”

Wildfire’s final west coast show was a party to say the least. The entire backstage area was decorated with good luck signs, and I even saw a few in the audience. The band added their cover of “Honky Tonk Women” to the setlist for fun, and the crowd ate it up.

After the show, Mr. Irving gave a toast, and Harry and I (and probably everyone else) got a little tipsy and ended up giggling up to his hotel room.

“Harry,” I whined when he shut the door behind me. “I should probably go to my room and get my bag.”

“What for?”

I gave a cheeky grin. “My yellow pajamas are in there.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “You won’t be needing those, baby.”

I giggled again as he pulled me to him and began nibbling on my neck. Sliding the strap of my top down my shoulder, his lips traveled down my skin, leaving goosebumps.

“Harry…” I said again in a whisper.

“Hmm?”

“You’re leaving tomorrow.”

Pausing his caresses, he raised his head to look at me.

“We haven’t said our goodbyes yet,” I choked.

Sliding his hand under my ear, his lips grazing mine, he whispered. “Then let’s make the most of it, yeah?”

His tongue filled my mouth with water kisses, the air in my lungs temporarily absent. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the floor and onto the bed. Taking off his shirt, he threw it on the floor next to his discarded boots. Neither of us said a word, though his eyes told me everything. And like in every situation, I heard music in my head.

“Tonight the light of love is in your eyes…”

I knew he felt it. Even if he didn’t say it. He didn’t have to. And I’d fallen long ago. I knew it wasn’t just sex. And I wasn’t a groupie. It was love.

“Tonight with words unspoken You say that I’m the only one But will my heart be broken When the night meets the morning sun…”

I knew the truth. My heart was getting ready to be broken. But then again…I’d known that all along.

The jet engine whined loudly as the wind blew my hair in my face. I tried to push it back only to have it fly right back to where it was, obscuring my view.

I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry. I’d done enough of it the night before after Harry had fallen asleep, and again that morning in the bathroom.

“Alright guys, ready when you are,” said Mr. Irving.

He climbed the stairs into the plane first, Lee and Deacon following. Halo stopped Mitch on the stairs to give him her final kisses, making a complete show of it.

“I guess this is goodbye now,” Harry shrugged.

“Yeah.”

He took a step closer, grazing my chin with his thumb.

“I’m gonna miss you, Mary Lou Jones.”

Pushing his hand away, I shook my head as I felt the unwanted tears start to come.

“Don’t. Please.”

I heard him sigh. “I hope you know how special you are to me.”

Blinking, I looked up at him. “Me too.”

Lifting my hand to the locket around my neck, I reached for his cross with my other.

“Never forget…right?”

His jaw set, like he was trying to keep from crying too, he nodded. This was so hard.

“Do…do I at least get a hug?”

I nodded then, finally releasing a few tears even though I tried to wipe them away quickly. I wrapped my arms around him, taking in his scent one last time. I kissed him on the cheek, letting my lips linger on his skin before I whispered in his ear.

“I love you.”

I felt Harry’s arms fall from my waist as I pulled back. His face looked puzzled, his brows furrowed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

“I…I’m leaving, Sky.”

“I know.”

“Why would you say that now? Why would you-“

I pressed my finger to his lips to hush him.

“You’re special to me, Harry. I’m proud of you. I love you. Okay?”

He nodded, my finger still on his mouth. When I released it, he sucked in a breath. I thought for a moment he was going to say it back, but he didn’t.

“Thanks.”

I smiled meekly as I took his hand.

“Go. Be great. I know you will.”

His expression solemn, he slowly walked to the plane. Unable to watch him leave, I turned around.

“Sky!” I heard him call, stopping me in my tracks.

“Yes?”

Sucking in his lips, he walked back towards me.

“If I had asked…would you have come with me?”

I blinked rapidly as I stared at him. What was I supposed to say? I had no clue. Finally I lowered my eyes and shook my head.

“No.”

With a nod, Harry started for the jet again. When he reached the steps, I ran up to him.

“Are…are you…asking?”

Harry gulped hard and shook his head.

“No.”

Halo drove my car home, knowing I was unable to. I wasn’t crying on the outside, but on the inside I was like a volcano about to erupt. She turned the key in the ignition and Linda Ronstadt’s voice filled the car.

“Living in a memory of a love that never was…”

“Sorry,” mumbled Halo, turning down the volume.

“It’s okay. This song is perfect actually.”

I let the tears fall then as I gazed out the window.

“I’ve done everything I know To try and make you mine And I think I’m gonna love you For a long, long time…”

And just like that, Harry Styles walked out of my life. I’m not bitter, nor do I have any regrets. I only have fond memories, no hurt or pain.

I had never met anyone like Harry Styles before, nor have I met anyone like him since. He’s still the only person I ever knew to love music as much as I do, and I’m so proud to have been a part of his early steps in reaching his dreams.

Wildfire eventually disbanded in 1981 and Harry took on a solo project which did fairly well, though I never saw him in concert again. I did go to a concert at the Forum in the early 80s (pretty sure it was Journey, or maybe Van Halen) and I looked over the aisle to my right to see a young man who looked a lot like Harry. It could have been him, but it was dark and I wasn’t sure if he saw me. As I look back now, I sort of wish I had gone up to him, just to say hello. But I suppose I was afraid he wouldn’t remember me. And I wanted all my memories of him to be good.

Like Halo said, sometimes people come into your life for a reason. They may not stay forever, but your life is forever changed because they touched it. Harry had touched my life in a way that was immeasurable. I suppose a little part of me will always be in love with him. And I will never, ever forget him.

THE END...

or is it??

Songs mentioned:

Boston - Rock & Roll Band

Billy Joel - The Entertainer

Stevie Wonder - All In Love Is Fair

Carole King - Will You Love Me Tomorrow

Linda Ronstadt - Long, Long Time

If you'd like to listen to the entire soundtrack, check out my playlist on spotify :).

I know, I know. It hurts. It hurt me re-reading this for the millionth time. I actually hope the emotions were evoked because that was my goal. Please message me to let me know what you thought of this story. It's still very special to me.

So that was going to be the end. Just a little mini fic. But later I got a couple little birdies in my ear asking if I could write something where Sky does actually run into Harry again, like a what-if. As I started writing, my original plan was just a few chapters, like "bonus tracks", but they soon grew into an entire fic, even longer than the original. I'll be reposting the sequel soon. Maybe not daily, more like weekly or maybe twice a week. If you'd like to be on a taglist, let me know.

Thank you so much for reading! - Court xo

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starfall-spirit · 6 months

Text

Read On Ao3

Part 1

Summary: Violet thought Liam had been an attentive bodyguard. He's got nothing on Andarna.

The people of ao3 requested a part 2, to my surprise!

Here you go!

Violet thought Tairn would be the menace. And he was at times, there in her head making demands to "better her health" as if he was the healer monitoring her and the baby and not a grumpy dragon who spends his free time torching innocent sheep. "I eat the sheep, Violet. I do not torch them pointlessly like some malicious hatchling."

She rolled her eyes, sending the sentiment back at him as she curled deeper against Andarna's side, appreciative of the warmth from her inner fire and the massive tail wrapped loosely around her torso. As much as Violet loved the library, she'd been feeling far too cooped up lately without her regular flight time with her dragons. "I like the silver," she murmured, stroking her fingers along the smooth scales in front of her. Andarna had grown comfortable in Aretia, not feeling a need to hide her chameleon-like gift and so she changed, sometimes once a week, others she'd keep a color for a season. It was one of Violet's favorite things to watch new cadets do a double-take when they see a bright purple dragon waiting for them on conscription day.

"I do too," her dragon returned, craning her neck to playfully nudge at Violet's loose hair. "You look pretty with it down like that. Younger, too." Violet hummed, almost drowsy curled up like this. Andarna never lectured her about how she shouldn't nap against dragons, which she appreciated on harder days. "What did the healer say this morning. You had your shields up. You really shouldn't have them up when you're so vulnerable, you know. Tairn and I—"

Violet huffed. Here was the real menace. "Andarna, you two need to make up your minds, because not so long ago I wasn't shielding enough from you guys. You either get silence from my sexy thoughts about my husband and the select information I relay to you or you get everything."

Andarna gave a soft growl. "You're my chosen rider. Our rider. We get to be protective if we want to and you don't get to complain. So what did the healer say?"

She sighed. "They couldn't tell us anything, Andarna. Nothing concrete. There's nothing in my family tree to explain why I am like I am. They said the baby is healthy, but I'm only two months along. A lot can change in a little time. I'm..."

Andarna made a soft sound. "It's okay to say you're scared. It's normal. Even dragons fear for their young."

Violet chuckled. "Oh, well, as long as it isn't just us puny humans."

She paused, realizing the female wrapped around her had tensed, raising her head from the frosted grass. A silver-white wing snapped down over her seconds before she heard a pair of riders land. "Hello, Andarna," she heard her Bodhi say. "Can we join you?" The wing snapped back again, revealing a very amused Bodhi and Xaden, the latter of whom was already bending down to kiss her. "Enough of that, you two. Save it for the bedroom."

They both ignored him, naturally, Xaden turning his attention back to the dragon coiled around her. "May I have a turn cuddling my wife, Andarna?"

She gave him a smokey snort and he raised his hands in surrender. Enough said. "Tell him it's far too cold out here for a human to keep you warm."

"And hand him a sex joke on a silver platter? I think not." She gave Xaden a sympathetic frown. "Clingy and protective is quite the mix, you understand." Her dragon wasn't budging. "If you wanted to fly some today, I bet you could—"

"No, Violet."

"Yeah, she's not moving until I decide to go inside."

"And when did you plan on coming in, love?" Xaden asked, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone, pink from the biting wind. "It's been nearly three hours. Dinner is almost ready."

"Don't talk to me about food," she groaned. To say the morning sickness had kicked in would be an understatement.

"Go inside and eat," Tairn growled.

"Well hello to you, too. Enjoy your solitude?"

"I do not know solitude, listening to you two all day. Soon she will be past her Adolesence. It will be a mercy on us all. "

"We'll find something light to eat for you," Xaden promised, oblivious to the woes of the bossy beast in her head. "Come with me."

With a heavy sigh, she patted Andarna's tail, slowly disentangling herself and braving the chilled air again. "See you guys later," Bodhi said, smoothly mounting Cuir.

Violet sighed, watching them launch into the sky. "I miss that already."

He kissed her forehead. "I know. I'm sorry." He nodded to Sgaeyl and she and Andarna flew for the hatching grounds.

"What if it was just low altitude flight without any big maneuvers?" she asked Tairn cautiously.

"No, Silver One. Enough. You are hardly the first rider to struggle to adjust, but you may just be the most stubborn." There was a lengthy pause between them as she and Xaden started inside, hand in hand. "I miss it too. You'll be back in the skies soon, Violet."

#fourth wing #dragons know best #pregnancy fic #riorgail #xiolet #xaden riorson #violet sorrengail #andarna #tairn

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saivenay · 1 year

Text

Safe place .•°•. Fade

cw: gn!reader, lots of softness and comfort, fade might seem ooc idk but that's how i see her

wc: 2300

Dealing with nightmares on one's own requires being alone, and that comes with loneliness.

That's what Fade felt most of the time.

Although loud and confident on the battlefield, she kept to the sidelines at headquarters. She preffered solitude, and when she was around people, she'd rather listen than participate actively in conversations. And if she did participate in the conversation, she would quiet down the moment it turned to personal topics.

When asked about something private, she would either answer reclutantly or shrug her shoulders. She would speak little but sensibly, often sarcastic and with a slight hint of black humor. Her favourite pastime was baiting younger duelists into some pointless, heated discussions and watching the chaos from afar.

You found her intriguing ever since the first time you saw her and you've tried to approach her multiple times but there was never a good enough opportunity to talk.

Until one night.

You woke up thirsty in the middle of the night, so you found yourself in the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboard for your mug. You were tapping your fingernails and humming while waiting for the filter jug to filter your water. When you finally filled your mug, you turned around.

And you almost dropped the mug.

"Oh my fucking god." You placed your free hand on your chest. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

On the table was sitting a heap of shadows with bright red eyes. It cocked its head to the side at your words and blinked a few times. It reminded you of some cartoon cat.

You rolled your eyes and smiled slightly at the prowler.

"Well, you're cute so I forgive you. Why are you even here?"

You perched on the edge of a couch. At first the prowler kept his eyes on you, but eventually he curled up into a ball and rested his head on his tail. Though he was evidently getting ready for a nap, he glanced at you or wiggled his tail whenever you made a sound.

You wanted to keep his attention, so you were clicking your tongue and humming. The prowler seemed to like it. He even was reacting to kitty-kitty.

With his eyes closed, he was barely noticeable in the shadows of the room. He had no fur nor skin like other animals. Curious about how he would feel under your palm, you reached out to stroke him.

"If I were you, I wouldn't-"

You yanked your head up towards the source of the sound, seeing Fade. She was sitting on the windowsill, her back against the wall.

The prowler suddenly snapped. Maybe if you hadn't been distracted, you'd have taken your hand in time.

"Ah, shit," you hissed, withdrawing your arm and inspecting it. Your palm had two pairs of prowler's tooth marks. The creature snorted and slid off the table.

So much for the new pet friend.

"-touch him." Fade finished. "My bad, should've warned you earlier. He's not friendly with strangers. Just give him some time."

"No, it's fine. It's just a little bite. I'm gonna be okay," you reassured, shaking your head. "It's three am, why are you awake at this hour?"

Fade shrugged her shoulders.

"Not tired," she answered shortly. There was silence after that and, well, it was awkward so you excused yourself and left.

Everything in small steps; if the prowler needed time, so probably did its owner.

. •°• .

Sometimes you would deliberately set your alarm clock for something between midnight and four in the morning in order to go to the kitchen under the pretense of getting a drink of water. The odds of meeting Fade were about fifty percent.

At first, she kept her distance and limited herself to answering your questions; over time, instead of moving away when you sat next to her, it was her who would willingly sit next to you.

She would ask questions. Sometimes deeper ones, sometimes silly ones. And well, it was the middle of the night, when people are the most open.

You were telling her whatever came to your mind, and she would enjoy listening to you.

More and more often she would also share something about herself, although usually it was not any important information. You didn't mind that; you were happy to see her opening up to you.

The prowler would let you stroke it for a while and would even jump on your lap sometimes, but it would run away after a few minutes. He didn't like sleeping on you.

"That's the way he is," Fade had once said. "I doubt he'll get any closer to you than he is now."

. •°• .

One night Fade was more tired than usual. She was sipping her coffee, fighting sleep as she listened to you talk about your last dream.

"What's the best dream you've ever had?" you asked. She genuinely thought about it but wasn't able to give you an answer.

"No idea. I haven't had a pleasant dream for ages. Only nightmares," she explained. "I see people I have lost. I see losing them, them being tortured, them hurting. The nightmares are blaming me for every bad thing that happened in my life. I used to be sure that it's not true, that it wasn't only my fault but... I'm not so sure anymore."

Oh.

You covered her palm with yours and squeezed it, trying to comfort her a bit. She flinched, but didn't withdraw her hand.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this," you said quietly. She shook her head.

"I knew what I was signing myself for when I took my powers. Abilities for sanity and comfort," she chuckled grimly. "It's been worse, though. I've been able to sleep in recently."

She sighed and rested her head against the back of the couch. Her eyes we're closed.

"The nightmares aren't as severe as usual. Maybe it's because of you." Fade smiled slightly. "Maybe you're calming me down. At least that's what you do to my prowler."

. •°• .

Fade rarely let her guard down.

Opening up meant being vulnerable. It meant revealing information that could be used against her. But most importantly, it meant getting attached.

With you, however, she relaxed easily. That's why it was so effortless for her to say too much and cringe about it the following day.

The first time realised she said too much for her liking, she avoided you for the next few days. This made you worry; did you do something wrong? At first you endured those quiet days but eventually anxiety took over and you found yourself on the doorstep of Fade's room.

You knocked gently on the door while playing with your fingers. You could see that she was stressed too, when she opened the door.

"Uh, hello," you said awkwardly.

"Hi." She let you in, pointing to your bed, and you both sat on its edge.

You didn't know where to start, but Fade spoke up.

"Look, I want to apologize for the way I've been behaving. It's just..." she began, clearly avoiding your gaze and being tense overall. She laughed nervously. "God, I'm pathetic."

"You're not," you replied immediately. "If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay. I only want to know if I did something that made you back away. Are you... tired of me?"

"No!" she said vehemently. She paused for a second, as if surprised by her own response, then cleared her throat and continued calmer. "No, please don't think like that. You did everything right, the problem's in my head."

You nodded. You understood what she meant.

""Okay, that's all I needed. You don't have to say how you feel if you're not ready. I don't want to pressure you," you reassured her.

Fade didn't look convinced.

“Communication is the basis for everything. It sucks a bit if I can't tell you directly what the problem is," she mumbled bitterly.

"You're right," you couldn't disagree. "But the fact that you're aware of it is half the battle. You're trying to communicate, and that's enough for now. Don't force anything."

"Thank you. And again, I'm sorry."

Fade slowly lifted her head, finally looking at you. Some of the stress left both you and her, and only now you noticed how exhausted she was.

You got out of bed, planning to give her a chance to go to sleep, but she grabbed your hand.

"Wait- can you... stay here for a while?" she asked quietly. "Only if it's okay with you, of course."

You complied and sat on the edge of the bed again. Fade seemed a little hesitant, as if she herself had no idea what was she doing.

"I don't know. Just talk to me, like you always do. I missed it."

You told her some stories from your chikdhood. Sometimes she chuckled or nodded to encourage you to continue.

The prowler that hid when you entered the room slowly crept closer and closer to you and at some point you interrupted the story to try to gain his favor. Eventually he rubbed against your leg, and when you reached out to him - you don't touch him, you just bring your hand closer - he swiped you with his cheek.

Of his own free will he climbed onto your lap and sat on them and you wanted to show that miracle to Fade but you realized she was sleeping.

"Psst," you whispered to the prowler. "On a scale of one to ten, how awkward that conversation was?"

He only snorted.

You were planning to leave her room the moment she fell asleep but now, with the prowler on your lap... you didn't have the heart to leave it, so you moved to the armchair in the corner of Fade's room and fell asleep with the prowler on your lap.

. •°• .

Fade had more of those vulnerable moments during which she would distance herself from you for a few days, but eventually would come back to you on her own when you weren't pushing her. You didn't try to force it out of her shell, being completely fine with the scraps that Fade offered you. You gave her support and distance at the same time.

That's when she started craving more.

She was constantly pushing her barriers. She seeked contact with you, allowed you to enter more and more into her personal space.

As a fully independent person, she preferred to act alone. Even when in a group, she did not always rely on teamwork. She'd rather oversee everything herself instead of relying on the comms of other agents.

Intimacy has been foreign to her for a long time and although she was terrified of showing her weaknesses, letting her guard down even for a while felt so good, even when she didn't really know what to do with herself after it happened.

"Isn't it annoying?" she asked once.

"What is?" you asked back.

"Me. You doing all those things for me when I dont have anything to offer back." she murmured.

"It's not," you answered "because you offer back your time and attention. And I keep telling you stupid things, but you still don't think I'm stupid."

Fade smiled and rolled her eyes.

"And... i feel safe with you." you added hesitantly, hoping you weren't not pushing Fade's boundaries. "You're my safe place."

. •°• .

Over time, you have developed a quite healthy relationship with mutual communication.

Fade hasn't stopped having phases of pushing you away, though. You knew it was her subconscious defense mechanism for letting someone into her life after she had lost so much, and Fade knew that you knew it.

She just couldn't help but feel angry and frustrated with herself for confusing you.

"How the fuck are you still here?" she asked. "I keep pulling you in and pushing you out all the time. Why aren't you tired of that?"

"Because I can see what you're doing," you answered. "You push me away because you're scared of being hurt again. But, Fade, I'm not going to leave you. I'm here for you, okay?"

You reached your hand towards her face, wanting to stroke her cheek with the back of your hand. She grabbed your wrist when you were inches from her skin. She looked between your eyes, you saw a hint of desperation in her gaze as she pleaded:

"Promise it. I keep losing everyone I love, so please promise me you won't leave."

You grabbed her face with both your hands. Caressing her cheeks gently, you smiled softly.

"I promise."

Even though it was her who asked for it, she took a second to process your response. She looked like she didn't believe you, but as soon as you smiled even wider, waiting for her move, something in her snapped.

She cupped your chin and leaned in, placing a single kiss on your lips. But she didn't back down completely, waiting for an answer. As you parted your lips and your body leaned to her, she closed the distance between you, initiating a longer kiss.

Her lips were soft and gentle, as was her touch as she pulled you even closer. You two took your time celebrating this moment of intimacy, enjoying how the other fit perfectly in your arms.

Even when Fade broke the kiss, she didn't pull away immediately. Instead, she kissed your forehead and hugged you.

"You're my safe place, too."

. •°• .

It got only easier after that.

As Fade got more comfortable with you, she took the lead and was initiating all the dates and next steps in your relationship.

You were always there for her when she started to fear losing you, and your support in those moments meant literally everything for her.

She also was there for you whenever you needed her, helping you get through whatever demons you were fighting.

Dealing with nightmares on one's own requires being alone, and that comes with loneliness.

It's a good thing you had each other.

#valorant #valorant x reader #fade valorant #valorant fade #valorant x you #valorant x y/n #fade

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awkwardkindatries · 2 years

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After a very, unrestful nap, you pulled yourself out of bed. The cabin still, quiet. The one thing you had been looking forward to for two months, now brought anxiety. You spent money on this cabin for a whole week and dammit, you were gonna enjoy it!

You brought out your swimsuit and towel, already in a bag for this very purpose, a much needed swim. The lake was within walking distance but you'll wear your normal clothes for the walk to and from the lake. Ideally, you wouldn't do that but after meeting Celegorm and Aredhel and the dream you had, you felt too exposed, even in this cabin.

Walking out the door, locking it behind you, you made your way to the lake. It was beautiful out here, the birds sang, the forest and mountains stood high above you, the air was crisp and held a faint hint of the wildflowers that bloomed around you, all with the lake in clear view.

Arriving at the lake, you notice there was a couple of other people there. One was absolutely massive, he had long red hair, braided in a half up style. He was stunning, if you were being honest.

The other was a shorter man, still taller than you. He too had long hair, but he had black hair, blue hues revealed by the sun. From what you could tell, he had gold threads braided throughout his hair, a beautiful contrast to his dark hair. He, himself was also beautiful.

The last was a blond man, just as tall as the last man. His hair was longer than the other two, completely loose and blowing on the breeze. The other two were were also playing on the shore, while this one was clearly basking in the sun, like a cat... or snake.

You hesitate to go further, but you are stick to what you thought earlier! You are gonna swim today! Fuck them! You make your way to the changing area, noticing that they seem to have noticed you. The two not sunbathing, watching you for a second before going back to whatever they were doing. The blond one had his head turned in your direction, still staring at you. It unnerved you, until he shot you a wide grin, waving his hand at you enthusiastically. Okay, he was too energetic. You gave him a tiny wave, speeding up your trek to the changing area.

This is becoming far more stressful than its worth, all you wanted was peaceful solitude. All you could hope for is that they leave you alone. Sighing, you began to change into your swimsuit. You contemplated if you should leave your bag in here instead of leaving it around them. No, it'll be fine. You're just worried over nothing. They are strangers, sure, but that doesn't automatically mean they can't be trusted.

Opening the door you just about jumped out of your skin, the dark haired one was standing there. "Hello!" You wanted to to slam the door in his face from the volume of his voice. "I'm Fingon! My sister told me about you," he spoke your name, looking for confirmation

"Yes, that's me," you squeeze by him "nice to meet you." You made sure to not turn your back to him "Your sister is Aredhel, then?" He gave an enthusiastic nod. "Well, I'm just gonna go for a swim, excuse me."

"Oh Of course!" He began to walk with you to the lake, "I wanted to invite you to eat with us," he motioned to the other two "Maedhros is the redhead, and Finrod is the other one." Finrod made a face, as if he heard that he was referred to as "the other one" before waving at you again. "We brought enough food for at least seven people, but the children," he was clearly annoyed at said children, "that were supposed to be joining us, decided they had better things to do." He was walking a bit too close for comfort, despite his friendliness, he gave you the same feeling Aredhel and Celegorm did, uneasiness.

"No, thank you, I ate already." You pat at your stomach, the look on his face morphed into a softer one at that action "I appreciate the offer though."

"I understand," he stepped back, turning to make his way back to the others, "You're welcome to change your mind, we'll just be over there with a basket full of lovely sweets." Fingon's smile was beautiful, you wanted to sit and eat with him, speak to him longer. But many things in nature used beauty to lure in victims, didn't they?

You stomped down this sudden desire to be near him, clearing your throat "Thanks," Your voice strained, heart in your throat, "I will keep that in mind."

He looked a little displeased at your continual refusals, a frown tugging his mouth down. A sudden grin bloomed on his face, "Okay, see you around then!" With that he turned around completely, walking back to his party.

Sighing, you march to the shore, muttering under your breath "Thank fuck." Throwing your bag to the sand, after pulling out your towel to lay atop it. Now, you can, hopefully, relax!

You swam for a good thirty minutes, sometimes floating as still as possible in the open water. The small waves, rocking you gently. Finally, some sense of peace. Though the knowledge of the three men were still at the shore, continued to give you an itch at the back of your head.

All pruned up, you waddled to your bag, throwing your, thankfully, big towel over you. You plop down on the sand, huddled in your towel, you begin to watch the gentle waves of the lake infront of you. This made it worth it, made your tiring job and the less than restful sleep of the night, worth it. Closing your eyes, and taking in a deep breath, you bask in this serenity.

The sound of barking ripped you away from peace, seemingly, again. You turn around, looking up at the hill you came from, Huan, Aredhel, Celegorm, and a couple of others you did not recognize were trekking down to the lake. Well, if that isn't a sign to go back to the cabin you don't know what is. Standing up, you practically speed walk towards the changing rooms.

"About time!" The redhead yelled towards the group, "We thought you were gonna sleep the day away!" That was all you heard clearly before you made it inside, the door closing softly behind you.

While changing you, muffled shouts and barks met your ears. You opted out of showering here, you wanted to get back to the cabin, there was a shower there. Throwing open the door one last time this day, bag thrown over your shoulder, you made your way back to the cabin.

The talk from the party, now behind you, slowly began to get fainter and fainter the further away you got. With that, the weight of their gazes also left you. A big sigh left you when they were no longer noticeable when you peaked behind you. You had to stop for a second, placing your hands on your knees, you take several deep breaths. This shit is fucked! Maybe I should just go back home. I've barely interacted with any of them, but they just put me on edge. You thought, staring at the dirt and stone beneath your feet. One more night, just one more. If it doesn't get any better, I'm gone. Fuck the money!

Erest-whore

With every new installment I love it more

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thewombynist · 4 months

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They’ve Been Lying to us, y’all.

January is not the marker of a new year.

How do I know?

Every day the dark comes to greet me at 4pm It’s cold af! [Somebody grab me a blanket] My bank account is lookin’ like somebody turned my purse upside down The grass is brown and the leaves are…deceased

What I’m saying is…if you’re struggling to feel “new-year-new-me”, you’re not the problem, stink. The winter months are signaling our mind and body to slow tf down . But the way we’ve been conditioned [and colonized]; a lot of us feel guilty for not feeling motivated or “charged up”. We’re not judging you over here, sis. It’s a tough time for a lot of folks!

I’ve been trying to find words, since I launched.

But I just haven’t had it. My mind has been blanking, creatively, and my body’s been tellin’ me to sit.tf.down. I used to be a fighter, y’all [don’t look too deep into this lol]. Ignoring what my body was telling me. When really she’s the one that knows. She’s the reminder that winter is a time for the pleasures of solitude, of dreaming, to be uncertain— to rest and restore. Without shame.

I’ve been retreating at my mama’s house all month, and I’ve had time to contemplate…to think…about what I want for myself in the coming months. I’ve been wrapping myself up in silence [perfect for my neurospicy brain]. I’ve been watching movies, binging Love on the Spectrum [it’s on Netflix + I highly recommend] lol. I’ve been reminded that I actually enjoy cooking! Until recently, I’ve felt like it was a “burden”. I’ve actually been making progress reading my book, Signs & Skymates [another recommendation for my aspiring-astrology girlies]! Y’all, I’ve been napping like a mf, without guilt lol.

I’ve been reminded.

Of who I am, or that I’m getting to know who I am right now, and that’s just fine. That I deserve to recover. Of the year I’ve had— January has been a gift of reflection. A space-maker for curiosity and thoughtfulness. I’ve been reminded that I don’t have to know anything at all right now. But I get to practice presence. I get to just, be.

Plus, Nature is the real truth-teller! Sis said, “the days are shorter + the nights are longer”…the signs be right in our face! That alone tells me that we need to be layin’ tf down lol. Springtime is the true New Year, shoutout to Aries SZN! The grass finds it’s vibrant green. The Sun begins to make an appearance, again. The plants and flowers begin to bloom… these are the signs of new, of rebirth. This is what we should align with.

A Winter-time affirmation: Thank you January. Thank you, body. Thank you, solitude, and warm tea and fuzzy socks. Thank you nap time! *Inhale here* lol.

I hope this encourages you to get comfortable with exactly where you are right now. I hope you’re being nice to yourself on the days that the boxes on your to-do list ain’t gettin’ checked. I hope you say, “it’ll get done, in time”. I hope you’re honoring your nervous system. I hope you’re drinking warm teas and eating cozy foods. I hope you celebrate your slow-progress. I hope you honor that nap. I hope you know you are worthy.

Now I know we all have shit to do, I’m just saying, your approach might look a little different right now, and that’s okay.

How can you be gentler with yourself at this time? How can you slow down?

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casspurrjoybell-22 · 9 months

Text

Master - Chapter 1b

*Warning - Adult Content*

"Lincoln, you really need to get your piping sorted out, there's only cold water."

I relax my stance at the sight of Malcolm drying his hands with an old, rugged hand towel, walking into the bedroom with narrowed eyes full of displeasure.

His dull, grey eyes find mine as an easy smile I knew all too well stretches across his face.

I don't return it.

"What are you doing here?" I ask monotonously, bringing one of the blood bags to my lips after placing the others on my nightstand.

I close my eyes, cherishing the taste that sent a viciously thrilling tingle up my spine.

My body welcoming the taste of the luscious liquid on my lips as my lungs welcomed the familiar liquid equivalent to a breath of fresh air.

I relish in the feeling.

This feeling that sent every piece of my frame crazy, one that made my senses heighten with the urge to kill brimming, my skin stretches to cover my tightening muscles.

The feeling that made me feel alive, at least that's what I imagined it to be.

I didn't really know what it felt like to be alive.

"Is that any way to greet your best friend after seventy-five years?" Malcolm questions, plopping himself on the leather couch opposite my dresser.

"I thought you were dead," I reply honestly after squeezing out the last drop of blood from the plastic seal.

"So does the entire world apparently. I swear to the Gods, you take a short nap and everybody forgets who you are." he exclaims angrily.

Malcolm through the centuries always held a place in the humans' hearts.

They'd taken a strange liking to him, in whatever form he presented himself in.

Through different shapes and forms, from a ruler to a simple commoner, he'd always ended up being worshiped and he reveled in it.

In the attention.

"I can't believe you are still living in this old, ugly castle.. alone. You've been here for almost two hundred years Lincoln. I thought, well I hoped, that in my absence you'd escape this prison of your own making," Malcolm says sounding genuinely terrified at spending so much time in solitude.

I grew to like the quiet.

"I have blood and my phone, there's no need," I reply waving my cell-phone in my hand making him frown quickly.

"I saw those everywhere on my way here. The humans couldn't keep their little eyes off of them. A phone you called it?" he asks walking my way.

I hand it to him carefully, allowing him to examine it curiously.

He presses the home button, only to drop it once the screen lit up.

"I see they're back to their demonic practices."

"It's not demonic," I reply picking up the device to find the screen cracked. "It's technology. Advancing technology."

"You can update me all about this technology after the auction," he counters with a beaming smile which makes my permanent frown deepen. "Oh don't look at me like that. I need a slave if I'm going to survive in this new world."

"You don't need a slave. You choose to get one," I correct through clenched teeth.

"I don't judge your way of life and so you don't get to judge mine," he replies making me raise a questioning brow. "Okay, I may judge your's but you don't get to judge mine. It's just the way this amazing friendship works."

"I'm not coming with you," I state, making my way back to my bed with the intent of burying myself under my covers but he catches my arm before I could lie down.

"You don't have to get one, I just need the company. I believe things have changed greatly in my absence and at least you've kept yourself up to date. I've always liked that about you. Now, the payment methods are all different now, I don't know how it works," he explains desperately. "Just help me out, just this once."

“No.”

"Linc, please. You know I've never mistreated a slave in my entire life. I treat them way nicer than the rest of them. Help me before some poor girl ends up in worse hands," he begs, tugging on all the right strings he knew would get me to comply.

"I wish you really were dead," I groan uncomfortably, setting my empty blood bag down.

"Aw, Linc. I missed you too," he replies, clasping his hands in front of him and making a swooning gesture.

I don't waste any more time arguing, wanting him out of my hair as soon as possible.

I pick a navy, blue suit which Malcolm grabs from my grasp before rushing to the bathroom.

I curse him mentally and verbally before grabbing a black one for myself instead.

These auctions, though filthy, viewed themselves as higher than life.

In the sense that one should be dressed appropriately and their attire should reflect their wallet.

They would never turn us down if we didn't comply but I knew it'd be better to keep my reputation to the level it was always at.

I wasn't a believer in regards to the majority of practices almost all vamps agreed on but nevertheless, I dress swiftly, Malcolm emerging just as I'd finished.

"You know the best part about us being best friends?" he questions, examining his frame in the tall mirror. "Being the same size."

"Yeah, it's amazing," I reply drolly as he digs through my watch draw.

Picking one for himself before throwing me my favorite.

We slip them on before he moves onto sunglasses.

"What are these?" he asks before placing one on. "Everything is dark."

"Helps with the sunlight," I inform as he plays around with a few.

Eventually, he picks one for himself and me, I don't question his taste knowing he always dressed me better than I did myself.

"So apparently Camila died," he starts as we walk out of my bedroom.

Camila being his friendly, neighborhood witch.

"So I have no one protecting me from sunlight, I was wondering if you could..."

"No," I reply sternly. "Figure it out yourself."

"Love you too buddy," he scoffs to himself.

Within an instant, we were both in my garage that was slightly off the castle grounds.

Since I couldn't bring my cars underground, the acres of woodlands making vehicular transportation challenging, I parked them in a nearby garage of sorts which I'd had constructed moons ago.

My eyes swiftly sweep over the dusty number of cars that I collected over time, ranging back from the very first to the latest that had been released before I went under.

I pick one of the newer models of Mercedes which I ordered from Wequie, my supplier, recently, pulling the cover from it to find it just as beautiful as the images portrayed it to be.

"I'm I correct in assuming these are what they're using to transport themselves in this modern age?" Malcolm questions with fascination bubbling through his tone as he circled the vehicle.

I slip inside and wait for him to do the same.

His eyes widen as the engine roars to life, purring awake for the first time.

I glance across at Malcolm to find him practically beaming with his innocent excitement, his eyes darting around viscously as he examined every visible inch of the metal contraption.

"I like this."

"That's nice," I comment as I set out onto the old broken road.

It doesn't take long to find my way through the overgrown tracks and forgotten routes that's been bombarded with newly grown trees.

I weave my way through until I eventually find myself on newer roads and eventually, what I can only assume to be the main roads.

The structures surrounding much different than I'd last remembered.

I was online enough to not be too surprised at what laid outside my castle.

But it still struck me to see it in person in all its glory.

The way the world had shifted was almost foreign in its new form.

Lamp posts were replaced with light poles, dirt roads with concrete highways and crafted homes with skyscrapers that littered the once green landscapes.

"Humans sure know how to fuck over good things," Malcolm comments as his eyes stay glued to the large, man-made towers.

A look of awe, striking his Adonis face.

"Who's auction is this?" I question realizing I had no idea where I was going.

"Diablos'," he answers in a gentle whisper that even my ears almost missed.

I hit the breaks hard, almost sending another car crashing into my own as it barely manages to shift into another lane.

Annoyed honking surrounds us as humans navigate around the sudden obstacle my car acted as but I didn't give a damn.

I turn my head slowly to face Malcolm as my fingers clench around the wheel for stability, my fangs dropping without prompting while I seethed with anger.

"I'm sorry but if I told you earlier you wouldn't have agreed," Malcolm apologises pathetically while backing himself into the car door, hand on the handle, prepared to bolt.

Diablos was one of the older vampires who were part of The Prota Generation, the ones who were crafted not reborn.

He always posed a problem, since the very day he was formed he was trouble.

He was one of the few remaining in this realm who I hated with a burning passion.

Easily and popularly known amongst our kind as the vampire who I hated the most from a bunch of imbeciles I despised.

He was everything I abhorred about our kind personified.

He was a vile being who was desperate to create chaos in a world already bleeding with it.

‘He was just like them, so he was their greatest creation.’

"We'll be in and out before you know it," Malcolm adds innocently.

Once I don't reply he continues.

"He still presides at the old estate, I take it you haven't forgotten where that is?"

"Malcolm," I call.

"Yes?" he answers eagerly.

"Shut up."

"Okay."

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randominagines · 3 years

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Pls Avengers reacting to reader that is very affectionate and touchy feely with all their friends due to her past of being alone and touch starved?

Thanks for the request💞

Pairing: Avengers x neutral reader

Warning: angst, h/c, fluff

Gifs belong to their creators.

Part 2 here (Vision, Sam, Pietro, Peter, Bucky and Loki)

AVENGERS WITH A S/O WHO IS VERY TOUCHY BECAUSE OF THEIR DIFFICULT PAST:

TONY

Tony is not very into the PDAs, so it's initially weird to him. He loves you so much and he simply thinks that you are touchy because it's part of your personality, but he notices everything so he starts realizing that you almost need it and you feel lost when he's not into the mood. One day, he simply asks you. "Honey, you're always so touchy, which is totally fine, but is it because I don't give you enough attention? Just tell me in that case." He softly asks while looking at you, his elbows on his desk and his hands playing with a piece of his new armour. You take a breath. "No baby, it's just... I never had this much love from anyone, I just want to enjoy it at it's fullest." You explain, your voice shaking at the memory of your solitude. He immediately walks to you and hugs you, his lips pressing against your forehead. "It's okay, you're loved now, very much." He says and you smile, knowing that it is true.

STEVE

Steve is touchy too, so he just goes with the flow. He loves cuddling and napping with you, but he can't help but notice that you actually crave touch all the time. He thinks it's cute, so he teases you. "Sweetheart, I'm home." He says and you ran to hug him, he smiles, wrapping his arms around you. "My y/n, you can't stay away from cuddle, uhm?" He softly says and kisses you. You bite your lower lip. "I'm sorry for being so touchy, but I've always been alone and having you means the world to me." You confess. He immediately gets serious and caress your cheek. "Hey, I was just kidding. It's okay, I love your touch." He reassures you and kisses you again.

THOR

Thor is absolutely okay with PDAs. He loves when you suddenly kiss him, when you caress his cheek, when you run your fingers through his blonde locks. He is okay with all of that, and you couldn't be happier. "My love, you look stunning today, come here." He says and tries to kiss you, but you curve. "Baby, your fathere is here too." You underline. Asgard festivals do include the king in the celebrations. Thor chuckles. "It's okay, he know about us." He softly says while caressing your cheek, you smile. " I'm so grateful for this. You by my side, all the ways you have to demonstrate your love. I never had this before..." you admit and Thor traces your lower lip with his thumb. "You mean the world to me." He says, making you feel of his love, before finally kissing you.

NATASHA

Natasha isn't very physical in public, and it's also reserved in private, so she immediately realizes how different you are. Plus, she can recognize a trauma when she sees one, she knows the long term effects of it, so there is not much to hide from her. "Baby, you always crave for touch and affection and I'm more than happy to give it to you, but is it because of something happened in your past?" She asks one day, while you're lying next to each other in her bed. You look at her, a moment of silence, then you sigh. "Is it that evident?" You finally ask. She shakes her head and caress your shoulder. "Not to everyone, just me. Because I love you and I look at you, all the time." She says and you smile, your eyes getting watery. "I'm not used to love." You say, your voice a whisper. She looks at you, the deepest love in her eyes. "I know, baby, but you have it now."

WANDA

Wanda is so sweet and loves when you search for her attention. She loves caressing and kissing you, making you feel loved. She never fails to amaze you, so you simply tell her. "Baby, can we talk?" You randomly ask, she frowns. "Is something wrong?" She immediately asks while walking to you. You shake your head. "The opposite. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I feel lucky to have you." You say and caress her cheek. The biggest smile appears on her face. "Y/n, I love you too, you know." She says and looks at you, you nodd. "I never felt loved, but now I do." You say, your hands caressing her face. She tilts her head while pulling you closer, her eyes filled with love. "And you will forever feel it."

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eartht137 · 3 years

Text

FOR THE BETTER

Hello and greetings to anyone that gets to read this. It is my first story. I wanted to try and see how this was received before continuing so please feel free to let me know how you like it. Please be easy on me it is my first one I am new to this, but I hope you like it. Its a bit slow right now but I swear the chapters will get going as we go along on this ride together. Okay *curvies* love ya! Enjoy!

Dark Clark Kent x (Black)!Plus Size Reader

SUMMARY: (I suck at them but here goes) After working miserable unfulfilling jobs, you decide to go back to school to pursue your dream in writing. You get the very handsome, very smart Mr. Kent as your English/Literature Professor. You've always stayed to yourself preferring to have your alone time and focus on your writing. Mr. Kent comes in to shake that way of thinking up and its all with your best interest at heart (well his best interest at heart){Cheesy, am I right?}

"For the weekend's assignment. Something very simple, almost high school level. Don't complicate it." Mr. Kent said dragging his feet to tell you all what the stupid assignment was.

"Get to the point." You thought out loud as you rested your head in your hand. He glared at you for moment before continuing. You felt your face flush, because-'no way he heard me' you thought.

"I want you all to write me a paper on...one thing you like about yourself and why." He rushed out. "I want you all to be as genuine as possible, if you're going to be journalists you have to capture your audience. If you can sell yourself, then you can sell a story. If you're a snooze fest......I honestly don't know what to tell you" He chuckled

Everyone groaned because why???

"Due next Monday on the dot. NO EXCEPTIONS!" He belted. "If you don't have your paper on Monday, you will stand up and give a 5 minute speech on said topic."

'What kind of teenage topic is this?' You thought.

"Don't give me lip guys, you signed up for this. I didn't make you do anything." He said pointing at all of you. "No complaining. Monday! Class dismissed." He announced causing everyone to scatter. You were just about out the door when he stopped you.

"Y/n, can you stay back for bit?"

"Yeah sure." You immediately got nervous. You weren't used to being singled out, you always managed to stay below the radar. You'd figured out ways to stay out of sight out of mind after always being criticized by your family, so getting asked to stay back wasn't a normal thing. You braced yourself for the "you can do better speech" and hoped it wouldn't take too long. You watched as the room emptied and he gathered his stuff.

"Come on, lets step into my office." He said leading the way with his hands full. "Have a seat." he said motioning to the chair in front of his desk. you sat feeling butterflies in the pit of your stomach. Literally everyone would've given anything to be where you were. Mr. Kent was almost mythical. You didn't know a day where you didn't think 'DAMN that man know he fine!' And you knew he knew it.

"Bet you think I'm gonna talk about your grades." he chuckled. "While I do require your improvement,"

'Require?' you thought hoping your face didn't covey your attitude.

"I wanted to talk about something else."

"O-kay?"

"I've notice, you're very um...to yourself, is everything-"

'Oh there it is.'

"Mr. Kent, please don't analyze me. I am a whole different breed of human. I don't do people."

"I'm sorry?" he asked tilting his head.

"I just value my alone time. You can't have that with people."

"You can still have space with other people in your life." he said shaking his head at you.

"I didn't say space, I said alone time, and that's not the same. That's still with people. Like, no." you said crossing you arms.

He stared at your for a second, the he began to laugh, and rub his eyes. "You really are something."

"Mm-hmm its true."

"I'm just saying its healthy to get out and socialize every once and awhile, not all the time, I mean-don't you get lonely sometimes?

"No, not really. I mean don't give me wrong I'm human. I get the urge to hang out, then I do, then I remember why I didn't want to do it in the first place." you said realizing you were almost ranting. He eyed you as if he didn't believe you.

"I tell you what, I know you say you're fine, but for my sanity, can we be friends? You know just someone to check on you, make sure you're okay? If-if you hate it by the end of the week then I'll let it go."

"Mr. Kent, no offense, but why do you care? I mean, you have your own life, I'm sure you got a nice family you should be there for, so like....I'm gonna need a it all to make sense."

"Its mean, don't get me wrong I enjoy solitude too, and its not because I don't like people," he chuckled, "but I know what its like to sometimes need someone I could just talk to when I really needed it most and not having it. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Its funny because it would always lead me home."

"Well that's the difference between you and me, there is no going back." you sighed. You contemplated it 'It couldn't hurt could it?' "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can be friends." you resigned.

"Great!" he said clapping his hands together.

"Only til the end of the week." You said standing stretching. "So we good? Can I go?"

"Actually, what are you doing tonight? I mean, my ma is cooking dinner and-"

"Okay anything food related, I'm down." You cut him off.

"Good, well I'll pick you up at 6?"

"Yeah sure." You said trying to get away.

"Uh, Y/n?"

"Yes?" You asked sweetly.

"I'm going to need your address." He said knowing you knew he needed it.

You gave you your information and booked it out of there. You immediately went home and took a nap. The whole ordeal was a bit draining for you.

It was your phones constant vibrating that woke you out of a deep sleep. You let it ring a few more times before picking it up.

"What?" You groaned into the phone.

"Y/n are ready? I'm like 15 minutes away." Mr. Kent asked.

"Ready for what?"

"Food?"

"Food? Food! Oh shit!" You said jumping up remembering dinner plans. "I'll be ready when you get here." You said quickly hanging up and rushing to get ready. By the time you felt you looked decent enough, he called and told he was there. When you walked out to meet him, you saw his girlfriend was with him and you put on a small smile. 'Of course he has a girlfriend, why wouldn't he. Still a bummer though, oh well.' you thought to yourself as you walked toward them.

"Y/n this is Lois, Lois this is Y/n. Lois is one of the top editors at the Daily Planet." He bragged, and you immediately got nervous. You'd read her work and you'd give to be as good, even better at writing.

"It really is nice to meet you, Clark speaks very highly of you and your writing." she said smiling.

"Really? I mean writing is my passion, I'm aspiring to get at least in the door. I'm not an editor or professor, but I think I'm okay." You said realizing you were babbling on because of your anxiety.

"Be confident in your work. It shows when you really mean what you're writing about. It also shows when you're doubting yourself." She said smiling at you. You immediately liked her and hoped to get to know her for advice sometime. You all got in and they fell into easy chatter along the way. Every now and again they'd touch on a topic you'd find interesting or be excited about, and you'd really get into it, smiling and being expressive. You'd catch Clark staring at you, a bit shocked at how much you had to say after months of being so quiet, and you'd retreat like a turtle back into your shell. You tried to not enjoy being around them, but every now and again, you liked talking to people on your level. Every now and again, you'd get lost in the breeze of the night air. You'd look out and get lost looking at the stars and the moon out of the open window of the moving car. You get so lost you forgot the other two people in the car and you'd miss the glances Clark took at you through the rearview mirror. When you all arrived at his moms farm you practically gawked at all the land around. You driven by open field and corn fields, you'd never actually gotten to see it up close.

As you all got out, his mom stepped out and waved at you.

"Well, looks like we got extra family tonight." she said smiling. You immediately felt a bit awkward. "Oh dear don't be shy, any friend of Clark is family." She said pulling you into a big hug.

"Thank you for having me Mrs. Kent." You said smiling.

"No go on now you just call me Martha." she said smiling and leading you inside. "You two come along, you know the routine." She said waving Lois and Clark inside. Dinner was great, you even found yourself laughing out loud. It exhilarated you and scared you to have such a good time around other people. You almost, ALMOST, didn't want the night to end, but you missed your bed. As if reading your mind, Clark announced it was time to leave.

"Looks like someone is ready for bed." He chuckled.

"Yep, I miss my solitude." You said stretching. Clark shook his head at you.

"What?" You asked innocently.

You said your final farewells and got in the car heading home. The ride home was peaceful, there was a calm silence between you three and you smiled watching the love exchanges between the two. You could see how much he loved her and you could understand why, Lois was beautiful woman. Your mind jumped from reasons you weren't in a relationship, to the assignment Clark had given you for the weekend. One thing you like about yourself? That topic was always hard for you and you couldn't even begin to find the words to start. Over the years you'd tried hard to accept yourself, love yourself, and be who you were unapologetically, but the moment you got to the threshold of truly giving yourself a chance, all of the criticism, judgment, and years of being invalidated filled you with fear and dread and you'd go back to your shell and do what you did best. Stay in your own bubble. Tears stung your eyes as you tried to stomp down the voices of doubt and resentment, 'It's okay, I'm good, I do what I have to and I'm happy with it. I'm at peace.' you thought to yourself over and over.

"You okay?" Clarks deep voice full of concerned pulled you from your thoughts and you shook you head to bring yourself back to reality.

"Yeah, just trying to stay awake." you said avoiding his gaze. The ride continued in silence and you couldn't help but drift off. One moment you were letting the ride soothe you to sleep and the next you heard a voice cooing you to sleep.

"Shh shh shh it's okay" Clark whispered. You couldn't help but cover your eyes. You were in Clark's arms as he carried you to the apartment.

"Woah," you said trying to get out of his arms. He gently placed you on your feet like a flower.

"Hey, its okay, calm down." He said gently rubbing your arms.

"S-sorry, I've just never-"

"Had anyone carry you before." He said finishing your sentence. You shifted feeling a bit awkward.

"Well, thanks for dinner. Thanks Lois!" You waved at her before going to your door. "Goodnight." you said one last time as you got inside. During the weekend you were extremely restless and was finding it hard to concentrate long enough to work on your assignment. Even when you sat waiting for words to form in your mind you eventually got busy doing something different. The night before class, you had an idea pop in your head, and you decided to go for it. You just hoped it would all make sense, it was the only think your mind focused on.

#dark clark kent #x black reader #plus size reader #smut fic

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tmntcomforts · 3 years

Text

Today was a bad day. Routines broken, bad guys were stopped and all each turtle wanted was solitude. Rushing to their corners of the lair, they’d sit on their phones and scroll through, you guessed it, tumblr for y/n anything.

Donatello: would have his favorites alphabetical in a google doc. The more he got the more he was rearrange based on emotion. Today he clicked on comfort.

“Hey it’s okay! You saved the world and me! What more could I ask from a super genius like you? Keep trying and please try to nap today” You would say to comfort him, his eyes scanning anything possible. He wanted you to be real. To share something with you.

Leonardo: would have his favorites sent to another account so he can find them easier. His search history knows what he wants. He wants to know what your voice sounds like. Y/N searches are his favorites.

“I’m so proud of you! You came back to me! Would like a cup of tea or go for something more adventurous like coffee?” He’s sure your laugh is beautiful. “Come on Leonardo, you know you’re my favorite.” He wishes you were really here so he could talk to you and hear you.

Michelangelo: has tons of fun and cute fics saved! Loves them all! Can see you clearly in his mind from all the fanart and head cannons. But when he is in a down mood, he’s got his favorite fic of you ready to go: Y/N comforts.

“Hey my cool dude! What’s wrong? You know you’re the brightest sun in this galaxy! Cheer up! Tomorrow is another day to prank and beat the bad guys. You’re best Mikey!” Man he wishes that you were here for snuggles and cuddles. He just wanted your warmth, inside and out.

Raphael: is just wantin you to be on his side. Seems like no one is. Comfort and actual anger fics of Y/N are his favorites. He will get anger for you, with you. But today. He needs you to be on his side.

“That bastard will have it coming next time you see him! Dammit! If he didn’t throw Mikey into ya, you would have had him! But ugh. It’ll be fine. You’ll get him next time Raph. You always do!” He could feel the warmth of your punch on his arm as you try to console him. He just wished and prayed to the universe you’d be real.

#tmntcomforts #Raph #Leo #Donnie #Mikey #Y/N comforts them #Leonardo #Donatello #michaelangelo #Raphael #teenage mutant ninja turtle imagine

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the-ghost-king · 3 years

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love seeing ur tags on my posts it means i get to think 🥰🥰 anyway mostly agree but at least to me nico’s constant need to prove himself is a sign of feeling like he’s not worth other people’s time and effort and he has to MAKE himself worth it. he does all he can in the hopes that people will notice him and tell him that he’s good enough because he relies on the approval of people he loves. he thinks love is something conditional for him and that he always has to be earning it because he doesn’t have enough worth to have it just granted to him. again this is more my own interpretation of his character and possibly a bit of projection

(Post)

I will not fail to acknowledge that I might also be projecting somewhat onto Nico, what is media but self reflection? I think there's a couple ways you can see Nico that are canonically "correct"

What I personally think happened with Nico is that he was aware he was worth more than the treatment he was receiving, but because so much rejection occurred he eventually just assumed he was the problem. There's things on this I would rewrite now but it holds up okay in what I'm about to try and explain.

The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault.

I think this is something that really describes Nico. He is never able to nestle himself in the comfort of sameness after a certain point. He is not given authority in his own story in the beginning, he is thrust into solitude, he is told he is a monster already and if not then he has no choice but to become one.

And he takes this blame upon himself, believing that it's him who has to prove himself. He doesn't acknowledge that maybe other people have their own biases against him, he says "I have to prove them wrong," and then does his best.

It's important to note that Nico is definitely grappling with Childhood Emotional Neglect, he's in a broken situation- and he recognizes that nobody wants him around, and that he's just more stress for an already stressed group of people, so he just backs down and starts to figure stuff out for himself. We see him accept some help and friendship from The Stolls in TTC but eventually he stops doing this at some point.

His leave from camp and time with Minos is when he is used:

you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this

This is something I would say is very true about this time period of Nico's life. Minos emotionally exploits Nico, emotional neglect and abuse (possibly physical abuse, who knows) are defining characteristics of their interactions. Nico talks about how Minos will just randomly leave him for extremely long periods with no assistance, and about how when he's around he's always telling Nico to try harder, to do better, do more. Note the time he tells Nico "you have no power over me", he's definitely holding things over Nico's head. I don't think it's wrong to assume comfort is a part of that, Nico is alone all the time at this point, and I'm sure he's starved for touch, and support, and connection- and he will take whatever he can get whether or not it is good or right.

At first he doesn't do anything against this, and it might be because he was so starved for attention that he was willing to endure abuse to receive somewhat a consistent form of it. I also think there's some evidence that points to the idea Nico was getting something from Minos, training and similar stuff, it's possible he was willing to form and upkeep a toxic relationship with him in order to gain experience.

However, I do disagree with "and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this" because Nico does realize eventually that his situation isn't sustainable and that he has to do something- so he takes his narrative back into his own hands:

“Minos laughed. "You have no power over me. I am the god of spirits! The ghost king!" "No." Nico drew his sword. "I am.” (X)

So Nico, if he ever thought he was worth the treatment of being used for someone elses personal gain, he definitely overcomes some of it here, if not all of it. Nico is manipulated and used for Minos's personal gain, but he recognizes that it's not sustainable and makes a stand for himself. And this is the first time in the series where Nico truly is able to take control of his own narrative, everything before this moment is Nico being forced, or Nico with something looming over him, Nico crowning himself is him claiming his story.

So let's consider Hades in all of this, I don't think Hades manipulated Nico to the extent Minos did- but nonetheless, he did manipulate and abuse him, and this hurt Nico more than when Minos did it. Again, in the situation with Hades this is also true, "you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing". By the time Nico and Hades truly start interacting, we see that Nico's heart hasn't been fully removed from his sleeve, but it may have been lightened.

Here's the thing about the way Nico approached Hades, it's not naïve to trust family. The text in multiple places implies that Hades was around for at least a handful of years when Nico was a kid, it's not unlikely that Nico may have taken naps on his shoulder, held his hand to cross the street, maybe called him "Papa", "Dad", or "Tata" (Italian, English, old Greek). It makes sense that Nico goes to him, what doesn't make sense to Nico at first is that Hades would manipulate him. Unlike many of the other demigods, Nico knows he was a choice, and that at some point he was something wanted, so he expects some level of okay treatment from Hades. Hades loved his mother, and Hades if not wanting of Nico would have wanted Maria's wishes fulfilled, and Nico probably remembers Hades treating him warmly- or at least not harshly. The way Nico went to Hades makes sense, he wasn't expecting open arms surely, but he also wasn't expecting abuse.

Hades emotionally exploits Nico by using information about Maria, what would a little boy want more than the safety of his mother? He's so starved for human contact, who ever held him more than his mother? Who ever loved him more than her? Once Nico delivers Percy to Hades, his father crushes him, not only by harming Percy but by exploiting Nico's trust through Nico's mother- one of the things he's most desperate for.

We see Nico's heart come off his sleeve at this point, maybe not fully, but enough to where a stranger couldn't recognize it at first glance, and in a way where he has the means to hide it from most.

Except we don't see much of this, because the series is narrated by Percy- and Nico can't hide his heart from Percy.

Almost everything Nico does, everything he tries to do, is for Percy. Nico is so desperate for contact that he is pliant, but in Percy's hands Nico actually wants that contact, he's not interested in imitations of love or substitutes- he's looking for the real thing.

And Mr. Oblivious does-Annabeth-like-me Jackson isn't in any headspace to realize that a boy might like him, let alone Nico. This concern that Nico will join Luke, isn't entirely because Percy is misreading signals, but it's definitely part of it. Nico likes Percy so much that at one point he is willing to go to Tartarus if not entirely for him, then partially for him.

If Percy had realized, and rejected Nico- maybe he would have joined Luke, or at least he definitely would have been more likely to. The perception of Nico we get in PJO from Percy is unreliable, because Percy looks at Nico through the lenses of a concerned older brother, and Percy feels guilty in some way for the situation Nico is in. This gives not only a skewed, but slightly falsified narrative of who Nico is.

The original post of mine I linked, although yes, I would like to rewrite aspects of it now it holds up in the sense that Nico is always trying to prove himself, and this is a bit different than being a puppet. Nico is so starved that it is present in everything, @/arabnico gets it right:

nico’s longing is just so raw it consumes him whole and he cannot hide it at all because it reflects in absolutely everything he does and is nico’s just the means of the way for them and he settles for being it because he doesn’t think he can be much better or even deserves to it is sometting so twisted because nico has this innate utalitarian desire to be useful and to do something and to do the right thing but in the game of things he’s reduced to that puppet in the hands of fate and deities millennia older than him that see a wounded wandering soul doomed to be forever alone by a destiny so cruel it keeps him on his knees

Nico, in PJO especially, has little control over his own narrative. His mother is killed in punishment for his father's "wrongs", Nico is forced to endure this. Bianca grows tired of caring for Nico and leaves him behind, this is not Nico's fault but Nico is forced to endure the consequences of her actions. Bianca's fate is decided on a quest Nico isn't even able to go on, he is forced to endure the results. Nico then breaks the cycle, declaring himself The Ghost King, and dethroning Minos. Nico is forced to endure Hades's manipulation only because he did not see it coming, this wasn't an aspect in which Nico didn't have his narrative (he had already taken ownership of his narrative) but a blind spot in his rational.

The place where we vary is why Nico behaves this way, we can agree that it's because he's starving for human connection- but you believe it's because he has no confidence he is willing to submit himself, while I see his submission as an act of desperation.

Personally, I think to argue that Nico is like this as a result of lack of confidence does a disservice to his narrative (obviously it's fine to view him however you wish, and I wish you all the fun in doing so!). To boil this down to starvation and lack of confidence removes some level of Nico's autonomy in his own life, but also strips him of one of his strongest characteristics- those qualities of him which are like Orpheus.

Nico willing to go to the ends of the earth for love is not a weakness but a strength, his ability to carry on beyond the point in which he needs a rest is not a weakness but a sign of strength. His ability to go to the ends of the earth to right wrongs, and to show his love:

"... Cupid struck, slapping Nico sideways into a granite pedestal. Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work- a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you- especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards."

Cupid is explaining Nico's idea of love in this scene, we see Jason say he prefers Piper's idea of love- but Nico only knows love in the way cupid describes, working desperately for a few moments with Bianca, working just to hear any scrap of information about his mother, always trying to prove himself to Percy- to overcome the way he feels about Percy (and boys in general).

Nico has only known love as something you walk to the ends of the Earth for, but he never stops fighting to be loved and acknowledged. Lesser men would give up and lay down, accept they are unworthy, but Nico keeps pushing to be acknowledged and accepted- to be recognized and loved without having to walk to the end of the Earth, but Nico knows he has to walk to that edge and face it before unconditional love will come to him.

To imply that Nico seeks love the way he does because he's unconfident in his ability to receive love ignores the idea that he's had his life forced into this position because of the fates. It loses acknowledgment to the strength it takes to pick yourself up and walk to the end of the Earth time and time again, because if he was unconfident then he would eventually lay down and accept he shouldn't be loved ever again.

I don't think confidence doesn't play into this at all though, it definitely has some impact on Nico, he does view himself as inherently less (he is overly self sacrificial- think Tartarus :/), and he does try to remove himself from others:

You yourself said: you blame yourself for the way people have hurt you, taken advantage of you, and abandoned you. they exploit your love and your naïveté time and time again. you tell yourself, surely, there must be something wrong with you. because—you are convinced—that people are good. “if they hurt me, it is because i am flawed. it is because i am weak. people will always hurt me—even people i love. it’s an inevitable truth for me.” (X)

And this connects to what I said: "The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault."

I do think there's a reason Nico makes himself so "utilitarian", because he hasn't been handed unconditional love since Bianca. But again we disagree on the why, I see Nico's behavior in his utilitarian example of love as caring, the way more people should be in love. Too many people see love as something given without restraint, and yeah, love should be unconditional but in order for love to be unconditional you have to do the work to lay good foundation. To be utilitarian in loving is not an act of weakness, or a symbol of lack of confidence, it is a showcase of more care in love than most have to offer. We care for things, and place value on them determined by how much love and care goes into those things.

I also don't see Nico's self blaming for what happened as flawed, it's logical in his situation, and a common result of CEN. This self blame shows care and kindness, and this coincides with Nico's arcs, "If I am bad, how do I improve? If I have no choice but to be evil, how do I still be good?". Nico is always fighting not to be recognized for good or bad, but to be recognized for what he is.

Trust is not naivety either, the only reason Nico is regarded as naïve is because of the extreme circumstances of his life. People shouldn't have to expect abuse from people who are supposed to love them, people should have to accept abuse in order to receive love. If Nico's life had turned out different, his naivety wouldn't be viewed as a weakness but a strength- a kindness.

We're not actually viewing Nico all that different, there's this space where his character blurs together, and it becomes an individual duty to determine at what point a flaw becomes a strength, and a strength a flaw. Nico's stubbornness is a flaw if we're thinking about grudges, but it's a strength in his work ethic. Nico's ability to stand on his own is a strength in terms of questing, but it's a flaw when it prevents him from experiencing love in fullness.

#asks #gayleafpool #idk the ending of this is shit but idk how to close ends so hopefully you understand anyhow #also i don't want this to come off as there's a right and wrong way to view something because that's not true #i was just trying to elaborate further on why i view nico a certain way #i can definitely see why you view him how you do #i think we're both definitely projecting a bit because we're both right in a flawed wya #*way #but what is the human mind but flawed?#uhh to tag or not to tag?#i'll tag #nico di angelo #pjo #long post

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stitch1830 · 3 years

Text

Walls

What's this? Oh, this is my angsty Kantoph agenda :)

...............

“How are you feeling?” he whispered.

“That’s the fifth time you’ve asked me in 20 minutes. And you know the answer.”

Kanto quietly chuckled. “I know, I know. I just worry.”

Toph smiled. She knew he worried. But there was no need for that, now. Things were good. They were so good.

An indignant cry filled the air, and the two froze in the bed when Lin squirmed in Toph’s arms, worried that they had woken her up. But when she settled back into place, Kanto remarked, “She’s so tiny.”

“You didn’t have to push her out of your vagina,” she scoffed.

“I know that, but she’s just… this is the smallest she’ll ever be, you know?”

“Did you want a bigger kid to rip through me or something?”

“What’s with all the snark?” he quietly teased. “I’m trying to have a moment with you and our daughter.”

Toph chuckled. “Sorry, I cried way too much today, just trying to make up for it.”

He said nothing in response, just kissed her temple as he gently held onto Lin’s fingers. They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, soaking in the realization that they were an actual family now. For months, they tried to wrap their heads around the prospect of it and what it would mean when their baby arrived. But the actual moment itself was an entirely separate and unique experience from the mental preparation, something that one could only understand once they went through it themselves.

And to think only hours ago their plans for the day were completely different than this. Toph found herself smiling at the thought. Just a few hours earlier, she had been restless and running around the house, trying to induce labor, and subsequently freaking out when she forgot his birthday. It wasn’t until she actually sat down with him to try to relax that Lin decided she was ready to enter the world. Some birthday, Toph thought.

She broke the silence with a silly comment. “Sorry for ruining your birthday.”

Kanto shook his head quickly. “Don’t say that. This was the best birthday of my entire life. Lin was the best gift ever.”

“You’re not even mad that I forgot earlier today?” she teased.

He shrugged. “At least you’ll never forget it again.”

“Yeah, now I have to plan two birthdays. Fuck.”

“Language.”

“Yes, ‘fuck’ is a word.”

Kanto lovingly sighed at Toph’s antics, then said, “Perhaps it’s time for a nap.”

“Maybe in a bit, I just wanna sit here for a little longer with her.”

“Okay,” he whispered, resting his chin on Toph’s shoulder. “So, what do you think we’ll do for our birthday next year?”

“What?”

“Well, I just don’t see how you’re gonna top this. I mean, you gave me the most perfect baby girl in the world, just not sure how you’ll beat this gift.”

“Who says I have to?” she demanded.

“Societal norms. Me,�� he joked. “You know, another perfect baby would probably—”

“Don’t even fucking joke about that!” she laughed. “I just gave birth to this melon head, and you’re already talking about another??”

He shrugged. “Lin would be a great big sister. I can feel it.”

“Yeah, well. Keep dreaming, Hotshot.”

“My reality is better than any dream I could think up.”

“Wow, that was pretty cheesy.”

“Yeah, but it made your heart melt, didn’t it?”

Toph paused in her retort, because it did melt her heart. He was right; their reality was better than any dream, and their future as a family together was going to be absolutely amazing. For now, though, she enjoyed the present moment: Lin in her arms, and Kanto’s wrapped around her. The first moments they shared as a family, and it was absolutely perfect.

He seemed to have forgotten that he was waiting for a comeback from Toph, for he quietly cooed at their baby, “Happy birthday, Linny. I can’t wait to celebrate our birthdays together next year. Hopefully Mama won’t forget,” he teased, then bent down to kiss Lin’s tiny fingers in his hand. When he sat up, he turned Toph’s head toward his and kissed her on the lips, and after, they let out a content sigh for the perfect moment they were living.

~~~

Toph let out a dreaded sigh, exhausted from living in her nightmare of a life. She couldn’t bring herself to face her friends or even her daughter right now, but they were all gathered at the Fire Nation palace to celebrate Lin’s very first birthday. An occasion that should have filled her heart with immense joy, but she couldn’t bear to even crack a smile, because her mind always drifted to that conversation she had with him just a year prior. So, for the start of the party, Toph hid from the world, trying to pull her shit together and put on a stoic face for all her worrisome friends. It always took longer than she expected to do so, and timed inhales and exhales did nothing to dissipate the creeping wave of grief that threatened to spill out.

She sighed again. How time had changed so quickly. What she would give to escape to her dreams to leave this shitty reality.

But she couldn’t. She had to soldier on and put on a brave face for her friends. For her daughter.

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, and she shut them quickly and dug her nails into the palm of her hands. No, she couldn’t cry, because she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stop. She swallowed the lump that formed in the back of her throat and she took one shaky breath before it was time for the ‘celebration’ to begin.

……

Katara held onto the birthday girl as she smashed chocolate cake in her hands and up to her face, smiling despite tension in the air. She couldn’t believe Lin was already one! It felt like yesterday that Toph told her she was pregnant, and was shocked at the fact that a year had passed since she helped deliver Lin into the world. Time really did fly by, and she could only hope Toph noticed some of those happy moments in time. Even if most were tainted.

She looked over at Toph, who sat on the opposite end of the room with a glass of water in her hand, mindlessly nodding to whatever Aang had to say to her. Toph’s tired eyes, slouched posture, and her ever-so-slightly trembling hands made Katara’s heart break for her friend. Toph put on such a brave face for the world after Kanto’s death, but Katara never would’ve thought she’d have to do that around friends, too.

Her focus for the rest of the evening fell between Lin and Toph, switching every so often to detect any change in Toph’s demeanor and to Lin whenever she became restless in Katara’s arms. But the waterbender found herself mostly glancing over at Toph, trying to think of something that could lift her spirits. There wasn’t much that could brighten up the somber undertone of the party, if anything at all.

Perhaps… Perhaps it wasn’t about fixing the grief today. Perhaps the best thing for Toph wasn’t to cover up the conflicting feelings of joy and sadness, but to learn to accept both. They had been trying to distract her from those emotions, but the walls in her heart had cracks in the foundation, and it was only a matter of time before they might break.

And Katara knew what had to be done.

It wasn’t until Zuko asked for some “Lin time” that Katara had an opening to speak with Toph. But when she stood up to meet her, Toph had quietly snuck away out of the party room, likely to find some place where she could be alone.

Despite knowing Toph’s desire for solitude, Katara had other ideas. She cut a small piece of cake that remained and ventured out into the vast halls of her home to find her friend. It didn’t take long, considering Katara knew most of the hiding places, but Toph wasn’t even hiding. The earthbender simply made a quick turn around the corner and fell to the floor, quietly sobbing into her knees.

Katara fought off the tears that pricked at her eyes as she sat down next to her. They said nothing, but let the quiet sniffles and cries fill the silence. When Toph settled for a moment, Katara decided to speak. “Lin’s perfectly happy with her aunt and uncles in the other room.”

Toph said nothing, but her blind gaze pierced the wall across from them as she bit her quivering lip and waited for Katara to continue her speech. So, she said, “I know today’s about Linny, but I brought us some cake to share for someone else’s birthday.”

Her friend choked out a breath, instinctively reaching for Katara’s hand. She gladly gave it to Toph, and Toph continued to point her gaze straight ahead as she clung to Katara’s hand, squeezing the life out of it.

He should’ve been there, but the world had other plans. Instead, Toph and Katara sat on the old, worn carpet of the palace halls, grieving the loss of a partner and a friend. And he was a dear friend to Katara. His crooked grin never failed to make Katara smile, and her heart warmed every time she caught him glancing at Toph as if she was the only person in the world. And whenever he entered a room and Toph noticed, she would smile so warmly at him that Katara knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was in love with the man. Katara recalled a time when those thoughts gave her happiness and joy, to know that her best friend found a man and a partner that would love her and treat her right for the rest of her life.

She didn’t realize he would only do those things for the rest of his short life.

Katara didn’t fight back her tears, anymore. There was no point. And with a quiet, shaky breath, she whispered, “Happy birthday, Kanto.” The first of many birthdays he was supposed to share with his daughter, but wouldn’t.

Toph cried out at the mention of his name, hugged Katara fiercely, and sobbed into her shoulder as they sat there. Over their cries, Katara faintly heard the quiet commotion of the birthday celebration occurring in the other room.

#kantoph #atla #lok #toph #toph beifong #kanto #lin #lin beifong #katara #writing #one shot #i think? i forget the requirements of a one shot #and krast told me what this kind of story was i'm sorry buddy i forgot smh #like a boomerang i always come back to you series #the long winding road to you #also i just realized she never did top his bday present the next year #you know... cuz he's dead #ope #angst

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