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transmascissues · 2 months

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it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?

first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.

one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.

this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.

oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.

basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.

but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!

at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.

just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.

#when i say i love helping people beat their fears about t this is what i mean. i will simply write a whole essay about it #some people might think it’s silly to answer a question like this so extensively #but i don’t think it is! i feel like this is a really common fear but also one i don’t see talked about much #maybe because it’s so common among cis guys that people don’t see it as a question to ask in trans spaces? idk #but i think we should talk about it more. especially when transphobes use it as a way to talk shit about t #ask answered #testosterone #hrt #ftm hrt #hair loss #trans men #transmascs

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hyunniesgirl · 6 months

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More than words

Pairing: Lee Know x fem!reader

Summary: your best friends are getting married and you're their maid of honor. They just forgot to mention that the best man and your partner in the wedding is the guy who broke you heart.

Word count: 6,394

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, drunk people, just fluffy and a tiny bit if angst, also there's a screenshot/fake text close to the end.

>> Masterlist <<

A/N: so, this was supposed to be a bday post for Lee Know but I couldn't finish it on time :( turns out I can't write under pressure and I still don't think this is good enough but I don't think I can do better this time lmao I'm sure he can feel my love even if it's a bit late(I wish) so happy late bday for my bias the most sassy and sexy man on earth!!!!

You look at the invitation in your hands and sigh. You were really looking forward to your best friend's wedding. You were overjoyed when she told you Jeonghan had finally proposed and that she had chosen you as her maid of honor. You were excited to go out shopping to choose her wedding dress and enjoyed helping plan all the little details.

The thing is, Seojin forgot to let you know that the best man is going to be her best friend, your long-term crush and the guy who rejected you. Lee Minho, your wildest dream and worst nightmare embodied.

You, Seojin, Jeonghan and Minho had met in college and you fell in love at first sight. Yeah, kinda cheesy, right? You always had been a logical person so love at first sight sounded like bullshit to you, until it actually happened.

It was the strongest, most nerve wracking emotion you ever felt in your life. The way every move he made, every word he said, every smile he gave you, just made your entire world turn upside down.

You never really put a lot of effort into hiding that you liked him, seizing every opportunity to hit on him but he never really gave you the time of day, brushing it off as a joke.

A year ago, you decided to confess to him. You told him about your feelings for but it was no surprise when he turned you down.

You already guessed he didn't feel the same way as you did, you just thought it best to regret what you have done rather than what you haven't. And you did regret doing it in the end. Your heart was broken and you felt empty, you haven't spoken to him since that day. So to know you'll have to spend a whole weekend in his presence is not something you're looking forward to.

>>>

You came to the airport right after you clocked out of work. It's not a long trip, so you try to make yourself comfortable while you're in the plane.

As the maid of honor, you have to help the guests during the weekend, this is your job so Seojin can relax before her wedding.

So when you feel someone sitting by your side, you put your best smile on, ready to introduce yourself.

Your smile disappears when you see Minho there, he has his usual smug smile on his lips and an eyebrow raised, staring at you and waiting for you to continue.

"Oh, it's you", you say, feeling your cheeks warm, turning around to look out of the window.

"I expected a more heartwarming greeting", he jokes, "we are partners for the weekend after all"

'Don't even get me started on that', you think, sighing.

You should be nice to him, at least while you're on wedding duties, he didn't do anything wrong after all. But you're embarrassed, the last time you talked to each other was when he rejected you.

"How have you been?" He asks when you don't say anything.

"Fine", you give him a forced smile, "and you?"

"As usual", he answers, shifting in his seat, uncomfortable.

"Dating someone?" You ask and his head snaps at you, he didn't think you'd want to know something like that. You sure are having the same reaction, cursing yourself with every name you know, you really can't help yourself, you're an idiot.

"Not really", he clears his throat, he thought you'd have forgotten all about him after so much time but he feels strange knowing you still want to know about that, "you?"

You shake your head, no. You're not dating anyone since you didn't get over him yet. It's pathetic really, a whole year went by and you're still hung up on him.

You don't talk much for the rest of the trip, you just make small talk about his plans with Jeonghan for the weekend. Minho missed you, more than he could have expected, so it's nice having time with you again.

You have always known Jeonghan is rich, but to book a room for every one of their guests at a five star hotel it's a whole other level of wealthy. You're already dreaming about the long bath you're going to take on the hydromassage in your room, after that you're going to lay in the comfortable hotel bed and relax for the rest of the night, maybe check again your plans for tomorrow.

"Mr. Lee", the receptionist says to Minho, giving him the keycard. She looks at you, waiting for you to get closer to the counter, "What can I do for you, Miss…?"

"Oh, it's Y/N L/N", you say, stepping closer. The woman taps something and frowns.

"You're in room 143", she says and you smile politely, waiting for your keycard, "together with Mr. Lee", she points to Minho, who's looking at his keycard and showing it to you.

You take a deep breath.

"There must be a mistake, we are not together, we have to be in different rooms"

"I'm sorry, there must have been a mistake in the booking", she smiles apologetically, "we can give you a full refund"

"There's no need, I can just stay in another room"

The woman presses her lips in a thin line, looking at the other receptionist by her side.

"I'm sorry, but we are fully booked"

You take a moment to understand what she's saying. So there's no room for you? That's great.

"I'll just go to another hotel", you sigh, stepping away.

"I'm afraid it will be hard for you to find another hotel miss, it's the weekend and there are a lot of weddings happening at this time of the year"

"What am I supposed to do, then?", you ask, trying not to freak out.

You can't stay with Seojin since she's the bride and the other bridesmaids magically found a partner to bring to the ceremony so there's nowhere for you to sleep.

"Just stay with me", Minho sighs, running his hands through his hair. "It's your room too anyway"

You stare at him for a whole minute, trying to think of a way to get out of this, but you can't. You have to stay close to Seojin for the wedding plans and you really want to stay in this hotel.

"Do you have a better idea?" He asks, seeing the frown in your face.

You sigh, shaking your head, there's nothing much you can do. You follow Minho to the elevator, pressing the bottom and waiting for the doors to open. A crowd starts to form around you, pushing you together into the confined space. Minho is crushed against the wall and you're being pressed against him, as if things aren't already bad.

"We should have waited to catch the next one", you whisper and he sighs.

"Is not like we had a choice"

You want to fight him, you want to blame him for all this situation. If he didn't reject you, you would be together now and you wouldn't mind being pressed against him. You wouldn't mind the warmth growing in your lower stomach just by the touch of his skin on yours.

The moment people get out on the second floor, you step away from him, trying to hide your red face. You walk together in the corridor, your mind is so full you forget the situation you are in, but when you enter the room you see the bed. There's only one bed. You completely forgot this is a room for a couple, as if it's not enough that you have to sleep in the same room with Minho, you'll have to share the same bed too? If there's a god, he must be laughing at your face right now.

"Do you want to shower first?" Minho's voice takes you out of your thoughts and you turn around to look at him.

"Yeah, thanks"

You grab your bag and go into the bathroom. It's okay, you don't have to freak out, you are in a five star hotel, in a really nice suite, you can manage to survive the weekend.

When you packed your things, you were planning on sleeping alone so you are lucky you actually brought pajamas even though you always sleep in your underwear. This pajama is not the most decent one but it's what you have at the moment.

The hot bath does wonders to relieve your stress, you use the expensive shampoo and hair conditioner and massages your body with some nice body lotion, ready to have a good night of sleep.

Minho's seated by the bed when you get out of the bathroom, his clothes are folded by his side and he's scrolling on his phone. He lifts his eyes towards you, freezing instantly. What the hell are you wearing? He feels the warmth going up his neck, cheeks and his ears.

"A-are you done?" He stutters for the first time since you've known him.

"Yeah, the hair conditioner is really nice, look how soft my hair is now", you step closer to him, tilting your head so he can touch your hair.

"I'll try it myself", he walks past you. You must have taken a lot of time in there for him to be in such a hurry.

When Minho gets out of the bathroom you're already sleeping, you're laying down on your stomach with your round ass bursting out of your shorts or whatever is that thing you're wearing, he's sure he'll go crazy in the next two days if you keep this up.

>>>

When you go into the restaurant and see Seojin, you want to commit a murder. You know that face she's making, it's the face she has when she did something mischievous and is trying to hide it.

"So it was YOU", you slap her arm, sitting in front of her at the table. The other girls didn't seem to have arrived yet.

"I don't know what you're talking about", she smiles looking at you with doe eyes.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, really, you put us in the same room?"

She sighs in defeat. Seojin knows better than to keep pretending, you know her too well to believe in any excuse she'll come up with.

"I just want my two best friends to make up", she smiles, "it's my wedding after all"

"I get that, but you could have thought about a better way", you sigh, calling for the waiter and asking for a bottle of wine. "I won't ruin your weekend", you smile, grabbing her hand to squeeze it, "but you're done for when we go back"

She shivers, you're really scary when you get mad. But it's worth the risk, she knows you're not over Minho and she wants to help you get together.

"Leave the whole bottle", you ask the waiter that just came back to your table bringing the wine and two glasses, "and keep bringing more when you see I'm out of it", you ignore his look of pity.

You're going to have lunch with Seojin and the bridesmaids, then you're going to pick your dress up and bring it to the hotel for you to wear tomorrow.

Soon enough the bridesmaids arrive, there are only three, Seojin's cousins and Jeonghan's sister. They won't shut up about their partners, that aren't even official or anything. You can't believe they brought just about anyone to your best friend's wedding and you absolutely are not being petty because you were forced to stay in the same room as Minho because they all had partners.

After setting the date for your meeting later in the night, you go to pick up your dress. You had to make some last minute changes and were lucky they were available to assist you immediately.

The first thing you do when you get to your room is to try on the dress, making sure it's perfect for the next day. You struggle a bit to put it on, since it has a zipper in the back, but you manage it.

You stare at your reflection in the mirror, you look nice. The green really enhances the color of your eyes and it's going to look perfect with your makeup and hair done.

You feel a sudden tug in your hair, a few strands got stuck in the zipper somehow. Perfect. You pull it a couple of times but with no success until you pull it so hard the zipper actually breaks.

"Oh no no", you whine looking at the big problem you have in your hands.

The door opens behind you and Minho enters, staring at you for a moment, you look beautiful. He would have admired you for a whole hour if it wasn't for the desperate look in your face, that's when he sees that your dress is open in the back with some of your hair stuck in the zipper.

"Are you alright?" He asks, you look at him trying to calm yourself down. What are you going to do? The wedding is tomorrow.

"I messed up", you tell him, tears brimming in your eyes, "I ruined my dress, how am I supposed to go to the ceremony?"

There's no way you can get it fixed, there's a lot of weddings happening this weekend and it's Saturday afternoon, there's not going to be a tailor available.

Minho can see the gears turning in your head, you're overthinking. He gets closer to you, grabbing you by the shoulders, making you look at him.

"Hey!" He says, loudly enough to catch your attention, "calm down! We can find a way to fix it!"

He's looking deeply into your eyes, telling you to take deep breaths and you do just that, calming down a bit in a few minutes.

>>>

Minho had his fair share of broken hearts, sometimes he was the one crying over the end of a relationship and sometimes someone else was in that position. He liked you more than as a friend, he knew that since the beginning of your friendship but he never opened up enough to form another type of relationship with you. So when you confessed to him, he felt so many things at the same time.

He was happy that you felt the same way as him, mad he didn't know about it sooner but mostly, he felt scared, your friendship was so important to him that he didn't want to ruin it by dating you. What if you two broke up later? How could you still be friends?

That fear made him turn you down, he regretted it the moment you walked out of the cafe you were meeting up and in a certain way, he did ruin your friendship, since you didn't speak to him after that day and he couldn't bring himself to contact you too.

He knew Seojin was the one who pulled this stunt of putting you together in the same room, she always loved to play cupid. He just didn't expect he would like the situation so much, he missed you a lot, more than you could ever imagine.

Seojin was waiting for him at the lobby, she wanted to go for a walk and talk, to settle some little things about his role in the wedding.

"Finally, you're here!" She smiles, squeezing him in a hug and he does the same.

"Did you wait long?" He asks.

"Nope, I just had lunch with Y/N", she answers, eyeing Minho and waiting for his reaction to the mention of your name, he chuckles.

"So, did you have to put us in the same room?" He asks, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms. Seojin smiles, giving him puppy eyes.

"If I didn't you wouldn't speak to each other, I'm sure of it", she huffs.

"I would try talking to her, you know that"

"Yeah, but she'd probably run every time, that's why I had to go to this extent", Seojin starts walking and Minho follows her.

"I guess you're right", he says, tucking his hands in his pockets.

"Didn't you regret turning her down? I know you like her too"

"It doesn't matter if I regret it or not, she hates my guts now"

They walk for about five minutes before Seojin takes a deep breath and starts talking again.

"I know I shouldn't meddle into this but you're both my best friends so I feel like I have the right to intervene when you're just being dumb", Minho glares at her, "I'm sure she still likes you, Min"

Do you, though? You can't even look him in the eyes. You don't want to talk to him. He wants to believe in what Seojin is saying but he's afraid he lost his chance with you.

When he sees you almost bawling your eyes out because of the dress, he knows he has to do something, anything for you.

"So, I called someone I know that lives here in the island with her family and her grandma is a former tailor, she wants to check the dress and see what can be done", Minho says, looking at you sitted by the bed, your hands gripping the ruined dress.

You get up in a jump, wrapping your arms around his neck and squeezing him.

"Thank you so much, Min, I don't even know how to repay you", you realize too late how close you two are from each other. Stepping aside, you give him a sheepish smile, mumbling a "sorry"

He clears his throat, turning around and walking to the door, trying to hide the blush in his face.

>>>

Seojin held the position of the most beautiful woman you've ever seen… until now. You're seeing Minho's friend but she doesn't look real, she's so gorgeous that for a moment it looks like she's walking in slow motion.

What takes you out of your haze is the awkward interaction between them. Minho said she is someone he knows but are acquaintances close enough to ask for favors? And the way they are interacting tells you they're not friends either.

She's smiling at Minho and he's just there, nodding, there's not a single glance of affection in his behavior. He's not like this, sometimes he may seem cold and a bit mean, but he's the sweetest with the ones he likes, you know that because you used to be one of them.

"So, I'm Mina", she looks at you with a big smile and you greet her, telling your name. "Is this the dress?" She asks, looking at your garment bag.

"Yes, thank you so much for accepting to help", you say and she chuckles.

"Anything for Minho", she looks at him with a smile and you feel your chest ache even though he keeps a straight face.

She leads you into the house, it's a beautiful traditional construction. Her grandma is waiting in the living room and she asks Mina to make some tea while she looks at the dress.

"Can you help me bring the things?" She asks Minho and he nods.

The old lady is very nice, she tells you about her years of experience as a tailor and how she had to fix absolute disasters in her days, so your case will be easy peasy, she just has to replace the zipper with a new one.

"Give me half an hour", she reassures you with a smile and then looks around, "can you go see why my granddaughter is taking so long?" She asks and you nod, getting up and following a path you think leads to the kitchen.

"Does she know about us?" You hear Mina's voice and stop in your tracks, you shouldn't eavesdrop, right? Then why can't you move? Your heart starts beating so loudly you're not sure you'll be able to hear his answer.

"Let's not talk about that while she's here", Minho asks, sighing. "I'll meet you when you come to Seoul and we can talk"

You can't breathe. So they are not just friends, you feel dumb. Of course Minho would like a supermodel like her, even though you are beautiful you can't really compete with that.

You go back to the living room. You can't look at their faces after what you heard, is it immature? Yes, but it's not a secret that you're not over Minho and listening to him, thinking about him meeting with another woman just makes your heart break again, even though you thought the pain you were feeling would end after he rejected you last year.

"Are you alright?" He asks when he sits by your side, smiling slightly at you and you nod awkwardly.

Would you have gotten over him already if he just had said you are not his type? He just said he couldn't be more than friends with you, was he trying to be nice?

The old lady refuses to get paid for fixing your dress, she says it was so easy it shouldn't even count as a service, in return she asks you to come by again when you're in Jeju because she liked you. You thank her again, saying your goodbyes and walking to the car while she asks Minho for something only a man can do, since her son is not home yet.

You put the dress in the backseat of the car, finally breathing relieved.

"So you're the one I should thank", you're startled by Mina's voice behind you.

"Oh, for what?" You ask, turning around with a hand on your chest.

"For bringing Minho here", she smiles sadly and you frown. "I guess he didn't tell you", she says.

"I know that you're a thing or something like that", you say, is she trying to rub it in your face? Is she feeling threatened?

"Oh", she laughs, "no, we are not a thing"

"I don't understand, then", you say, trying to not smile, feeling a weight being lifted out of your chest.

"We dated a few years ago, but I did something terrible to him, I know he hated me after that", she sighs, "I've been trying to meet him for so long to apologize but he never gave me the time of day, so imagine my surprise when he willingly called me to ask for a favor", she smiles, "I guess you must mean a lot to him"

You feel your heart sink, did he really do that for you? You don't know what she did, but you know Minho doesn't forgive someone easily and he surely doesn't like to owe a favor to someone that did something bad to him.

"Anyways", she says awkwardly after you stare at her without saying a thing, "thank you, I hope you make him happy", she smiles, nodding to you and heading back.

Make him happy? Does she think you two are together? Did she notice you were jealous?

So many questions and no answer at all. You snap out of your thoughts when the gate to the house is closed with a loud noise. Minho walks to you, opening the door.

"Are you not getting in?"

You don't speak much on your trip back to the hotel, your head is just so full of thoughts you don't think you'll be able to form a sentence if you try to speak. Besides that, it's almost time for your outing with Seojin and the other bridesmaids, Minho's also in a hurry so you guess he has something planned with Jeonghan and the groomsman as well, so you both run to your room to get ready.

You're the first to shower since you'll take longer to dress up. You don't take too long, letting Minho go in while you do your hair and makeup in the wall mirror in the bedside.

You put on a tight navy blue dress, it's long enough to cover your ass but not enough to make it proper.

Minho comes out of the bathroom already dressed, he's wearing a white button down that looks heavenly as if it was made just for him and jeans that just embrace his toned thighs.

"You can take a picture if you want", the smirk on his lips makes you scoff, taking you out of your state of haze.

"Well, it's no secret that you're handsome", you point out, "I did fall in love with you after all"

Minho stops in his tracks, he did not expect you to bring that up. Do people that still have feelings for the other joke about it? He wants to believe he still has a chance, but the way you act, so nonchalantly, makes him insecure.

"You're pretty too", he says, ignoring your remark.

"Not as much as Mina", your voice sounds more bitter than you meant it to be, "she's really gorgeous"

You turn around, picking up your purse, you don't want him to see your face full of contempt and jealousy. You walk out of the room, not waiting for his answer, cursing yourself till you get to the lobby to find your friends.

There's nothing like a girl's night out to take all your worry away. You drink, flirt with strangers, play games, take a tour around Jeju eating delicious foods, go to karaoke and walk by the beach.

Around midnight the bridesmaids take a taxi back to the hotel but you and Seojin want to drink more and have more fun since it's her last day as an unmarried woman.

The fresh air of the beach sobers you up, you're still a bit dizzy, but not as wasted as before. Your friend is worse than you, she's stumbling and laughing at nothing.

"I love you so much", she says, grabbing your face and cupping your cheeks, "you know that, right?"

You chuckle, putting your hands over hers.

"Of course I know, and I love you too", she smiles, stumbling and falling down on the floor.

"My butt", she whines, caressing her sides.

It seems like she's too wasted now, it's time to go back. You call Jeonghan, asking him if he can come pick you two up by the beach and as the gentleman he is, he didn't drink because he knew his fiancee would get too drunk to even walk and need someone to pick her up. You laugh at his answer and wait for him, it's good to know Seojin will have someone to take care of her like that.

You all were friends in college and you love Jeonghan, but you were always closest to Seojin. She came up to you and asked to be your friend on the first day of school when you were all alone since you didn't know anyone in the city, much less in that university.

You stare at the waves in the ocean, it's really calming to feel the breeze and the sound of the sea.

"My love", Seojin screams, looking behind you. She gets up and runs before you can help her. You turn around to find Jeonghan and Minho coming in your direction. Seojin jumps into her fiance's arms, giggling and kissing his face.

"Are you alright?" Jeonghan asks her and she nods frantically, mumbling 'better now' while resting her head on his shoulder. He looks at you with a brow lifted, questioning and you chuckle, nodding.

"What about you?" Minho asks and you roll your eyes, walking in a straight line to prove you're fine but your body betrays you and you trip on your own feet. You don't fall since Minho wraps his arms around your waist holding you. Why do his hands feel so good on you, when he's holding you? Why must you still feel this way after being rejected? Don't you have any pride left? Those ungodly reflexes he has are annoying sometimes, you'd rather he'd let you fall face first on the sand.

"Are you sure?" He asks, a judging look in his face.

"Yes, I'm sure", you say, stepping away from him.

Maybe you're still a little bit tipsier than you thought.

He glances at Jeonghan and he shrugs, they take you and Seojin to the car, securing you two on your seatbelts. The trip back is noisy, unfortunately Seojin is not a sleepy drunk, she gets even more energetic in her intoxicated state. So she tells Jeonghan and Minho about everything you did during your outing, every detail, even that three guys tried to take you home after you drunk flirted with them.

You give your goodbyes in the lobby, since they are staying in another wing of the hotel. You and Minho go to the elevator and you notice he's drunk too, he tries to hide it, but he keeps stumbling and has to lean on the elevator's wall to keep standing.

"I think you're much prettier than Mina", he blurts out of nowhere and your head snaps at him, a frown in your face. "You didn't let me finish earlier, I was going to say that you're the prettiest girl in the world for me"

The doors to the elevator open and he walks away, like what he just said didn't leave you completely lost. You feel your heart beat faster, following him to your room and leaning on the door after you close it, staring at him while he walks around the room.

Your mind is full of thoughts, why is he always so nice to you? You suddenly have the preposterous urge to tell him again you're in love with him, it must be the alcohol, but maybe you need him to tell you he doesn't like you in that way, maybe if you're humiliated one more time you'll be able to let him go.

"You shouldn't be nice to me", he looks at you, brows furrowed in confusion, "if you do I'll cross the line you drew last year", you stumble a bit, trying to get to him and he holds you. "I'll kiss you if you don't stop me", you say, noticing how close you're from each other.

Minho doesn't say anything, his head is spinning a bit and he's sure you're bluffing. He's so wrong, though. He realizes that only when your lips come crashing on his, he doesn't even have time to process what's happening before you push him away, stepping aside.

"I-I'm sorry", you say, 'of course he won't reciprocate', you think.

However, contrary to your expectations, he wraps his arms around your waist, pressing his hand on the small of your back and pulling you back to his embrace, kissing you. His lips are soft and his movements are rushed like he's been waiting to do that for a long time.

Maybe you're just dreaming while awake, it's impossible for him to be kissing you, right?

You wake up feeling your head hurting like crazy, your mouth is dry and you feel sick. Suddenly what happened comes crushing in, did you actually kiss Minho? And the most important part, did he reciprocate? You can't remember, the last thing that you recall is kissing him but everything after that is just a blur.

You look around the room, trying to find him and when you realize he's nowhere to be seen, you can only draw one conclusion. It seems you've been rejected once more.

It's okay, now you feel like you can get over this crush, you two didn't have a future anyway. You want to cry, you really do, but you can't show up to your friend's wedding with puff eyes and you don't want to stay in this room for long, you don't want to meet him again until the wedding. So you grab your dress and the things you'll need and take it to the bridal suite.

Minho is happy, you still like him after all. After you two kissed you fell asleep, he tucked you in bed and watched you. You were always a sleepy drunk, when he's more like Seojin. He feels energetic until the exhaustion hits him.

He wakes up early, to grab some coffee and hangover medicine for you two, but when he comes back waiting to find you awake, you're nowhere, your things are not there either. Did you regret kissing him? Maybe you just wanted to feel something familiar with him. No, he's not going to let these intrusive thoughts make him assume things, he needs to talk to you.

And he would, if you answered his calls or his texts. He freaks out even more when his phone buzzes with a bunch of texts.

>>>

You're trying to distract yourself, telling stories about your college times with Seojin to the other bridesmaids and helping the bride relax before her big moment. You don't want to tell her about the whole thing with Minho, you don't want to turn her big day into a drama about yourself.

She keeps frowning while looking at the phone, the ceremony is going to start in less than thirty minutes so it's understandable that she's nervous.

She looks at you with desperate eyes.

"The wedding planner just texted me saying there is something wrong with the menu, can you check it for me?"

"Of course, I'll be back as soon as possible", you smile reassuring her. It's weird though, you went through all the details with the staff before meeting with Seojin.

You walk to the kitchen, looking for the wedding planner and finally finds her talking to the waiters.

"Hey, what's wrong with the menu?" You ask the older woman and she looks at you, confused.

"What do you mean?" She asks, "there's nothing wrong"

You frown, looking around. Seojin clearly told you the wedding planner was the one to report the issue, so it's impossible for her to not know about it.

"Hm, Seojin told me there was a problem?!"

"She must be confused, honey, brides get really stressed, maybe she read some of my texts wrong", she tries to reassure you and you nod, not really buying it. Seojin is a perfectionist, she wouldn't make this kind of mistake. But if the wedding planner is telling you there's nothing wrong then there's nothing you can do about it.

You walk back to the bridal suite, twenty minutes till the ceremony. When you open the door there's no one else there, where did they go? You look around trying to find someone but they're not even in the dressroom. The door opens behind you and you turn around ready to ask where's everyone, when you see Minho closing the door.

He stares at you for a few seconds, waiting for your reaction.

"Did you regret kissing me?" He asks, taking a few steps towards you.

"What are you talking about?" You say, trying to sound nonchalantly even though you want to cry just by looking at his face.

"You kissed me, you should take responsibility", he gets closer.

You feel your throat dry, taking a step back.

"You're the one who left me by myself", you mumble.

"I just went out to buy meds for us, why did you assume things?"

"Of course I'd assume things, you rejected me once, why wouldn't you do it again?" You point out, feeling angry and your answer feels like daggers being shot at him.

He takes a deep breath, grabbing both your hands and holding it close to his chest.

"There's not a day I don't regret turning you down that time", he sighs, "the truth is that I liked you since the first time I saw you but I couldn't ruin our friendship and I was so scared that I wouldn't be enough for you, like I wasn't enough for her"

You know about who he's talking about and want to kick him for even thinking you're anything like Mina, but most you want to punch her in the face, she broke his heart and left him in crumbles.

"I would never do anything to hurt you", you whisper, he's so close to you know, you can feel his breathing hitting your face.

"I know, I was scared that time and I'm still scared", he lifts your hand to his lips, "but if you give me one more chance I promise I'll be better, no one's gonna love you more than me and I'll always be there for you"

You waited for this for so long you're not even sure if it's happening.

"Can you pinch me?" You ask and he smirks.

"I can bite", he slides his hands to your waist, getting closer and giving a peek to your lips, biting your lower lip, making you shiver.

"Now I know it's real", you say, staring into his dark eyes.

"Should I take this as a yes?" He asks and you nod.

"I have been yours ever since I met you, there's not another answer but yes when it comes to you"

He smiles, the brightest smile you ever seen on him, then he kisses you, and he wants you to remember this one for the rest of your life.

Walking down the aisle with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen, arms linked with Minho's while exchanging knowing smiles, you can't help but imagine if one day it's going to be you two there. Minho on the other side is already planning how he's going to propose, because he's absolutely sure next time it's going to be you in a wedding dress and him waiting patiently for your hand.

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yulin-pop · 10 months

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⤷ ✧ 𝐊𝐚𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝!!

order 82 | one-shot | Jade | Gender Neutral

❀ NOTE: Initially it was going to be headcanons but this works fine too.

You were in your own world. You happily kicked your feet and quietly giggled as you read your little book. No one else was around to judge you for it! You never liked to admit it but those awfully corny romance shojou mangas are just too good. Call it a guilty pleasure.

You stared intensely at every line and every word on every page. Their relationship is perfect. The book must’ve casted a spell on you because you can’t stop reading.

“I’m sorry, did you hit your head, love?” Aoi asked with deep concern.

“You… what are you doing?!” Dia shook her head in annoyance. Dia tried to slip away only for Aoi to block her with his arm.

“Before that, I need to ask why you want to see him so badly. You won’t even look me in the eye and you’re running away… to see him?” He has tears in his eyes as he said that.

Without you realizing, a shadow loomed over you. The new presence was dangerous yet you kept on reading each page. It wasn’t until you felt a large hand on your shoulder. You froze, you didn’t even scream or move, you just froze in fear of who it was behind you.

“What’s this ya got here?” It was Floyd— the worst person ever! Out of all people that caught you reading corny romance manga— it was him?!

“Floyd, so why are you here out of all places?” You went to the most empty spot you could find which was the forest near the botanical gardens. No one ever goes there even for educational purposes.

Floyd brushed off the question and pointed to the book in your hand. “You came here to read comics? I thought you’d read history books or 18th century novels or something.” He smiled politely.

You shyly close it and slide it under your leg. You tried to think of something to distract from the fact you were caught red handed.

“You’re an eel right? You don’t belong in a forest.” You scoffed while crossing your arms. With that attitude, Floyd knew he caught you doing something that was supposed to be a secret.

“You’re so rude… Don’t discriminate against me because I’m from the ocean. I just wanted to play…” He sniffled and frowned. He kneeled down in front of you to make proper eye contact with you.

You shook your head, “Okay but what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be helping out at Mostro?”

“My whole life doesn’t revolve around that place. It was too boring and empty so I went searching elsewhere.”

You half heartedly smiled at him as he grinned back at you. But he began asking questions again. You sighed, grabbing your bag and standing up quickly. You gave a small careless excuse and apology before leaving with haste.

I guess I’ll just have to read another time.

Floyd stood up to chase after you but looked down underneath where you were sitting. You must’ve been rushing to get away if you forgot your book. Not thinking much of it, he let you go but picked up your book for a quick read.

—

Floyd sat down on his bed, taking off his school blazer. Jade walked in and smiled at his brother. “You finally came back.”

Floyd shrugged, “I wasn’t gone for that long.” It seemed he was still bored, maybe even more bored than before he left. Jade took off his hat and placed it on his desk, though he noticed he may have placed it on top of something else.

He picked up the colorful manga and looked at the front then back. “Is this yours?” Floyd looked over and shook his head.

“Nope, that’s Shrimpy’s. I found them reading that book but they ran away. That book is nothing like I’ve ever seen!”

“Did you steal this from them?”

“Actually no, when they ran away they left it there. I was gonna give it back to them tomorrow.”

Jade turned to the backside of the book and read the summary out loud. “Dia is an over achieving honor student, top of her class her first year of high school. But she pushes away anyone who attempts to get too close, making her a loner. Her life takes a turn when her old childhood best friend, who had moved away nine years ago, moves back into town. Aoi attempts to reach out and reconnect with Dia only for her to refuse. And the pursuit continues.”

Floyd laughs and lays down on his back, staring over at Jade. “I never would’ve guess MC would’ve read this sort of literature…”

“That’s what I’m sayin! They were really into it too.” He laughed.

Jade flipped back to the front, with an intrigued look. “Floyd, do you mind if I give this a read?”

“I don’t care. Actually, how about you give it back to them tomorrow?” He flipped on his side. Jade gave his brother a stare, though he was staring in the other direction, he could sense his twin’s displeasure. “You’re the one who touched it last!”

—

You had been a mess all day. Everyone could tell just by the way you stared at the floor with a melancholy expression that you were not okay. Despite nearly everyone asking, “What happened?” “Are you alright?” “Cheer up!”

You could feel no better.

After all, you were left on a major cliffhanger. Then again maybe it was your fault since you lost the book. You swear you had put it back in your bag!

You went back to the tree after realizing it was gone, but it wasn’t there.

Maybe Floyd took it… You thought with a scowl on your face.

“Damn, what did the floor do to you?” Ace laughed, but he didn’t have a smile.

“You’ve been glaring at the ground for almost the entire lunch.” Deuce said in concern.

Epel pressed a cold drink against your cheek.

“Ah, thank you.” You thanked out of obligation. You took it into your hands but didn’t move to open it.

“Ya better be. Now, are ya finally ready to tell us why yer all glum like a plum.”

The three of them sat besides you. You raised your head and glanced at the three of them. Though you only smiled at Epel’s words. “Glum like a plum? What does that even mean..?” You looked at your drink and he had even gotten you something plum flavored.

Epel held back his words only because he knew you were upset.

There’s no way you could tell them why you were so depressed. “I’m really sad because I was reading this really good manga but I was left on a cliffhanger because I stupidly lost the book and cannot find it”— They’d most likely get mad for worrying them that much over something so minor.

Deuce took the drink from your hands and opened it up for you, handing it back. “Drink something. Maybe it’ll make you feel better?”

You thanked him and took a sip, still wondering if Floyd stole it. That thought was killing you. At that point it was all you could think about. The cliffhanger wasn’t your biggest concern. FLOYD HAS THE BOOK? What if he destroys it? Or maybe he read it and now your image as a sophisticated, mature student is ruined in his eyes?! Or what if he tells other people and your reputation is ruined?

Before you knew it, you had found yourself stomping into Mostro Lounge. Though it was surprisingly empty. There was only one person as far as you saw. You got closer and it turned out to be Jade Leech. Not quite the one you needed to see.

Nonetheless you approached him with a slightly nervous smile. “Hello Jade, do you happen to know where Floyd is?”

He gave you an unreadable stare, “Why are you here? Today is a maintenance day for Mostro Lounge.”

“Is that so…? Well pardon the intrusion but I must know where Floyd is.”

As expected of the Vice Housewarden of Octavinelle, he accommodated your needs. In fact he offered to escort you there.

God bless him! He walked beside you, having a small conversation, just idle chit chat.

“How come you need to see Floyd so badly?”

“It’s just… something’s between us and I think he took something he wasn’t supposed to. Which is why I must go see him!”

You sped up and walked ahead of him. Which was the moment Jade chose to strike. His hand grabbed your wrist and swung you backwards into the wall. It was all very fast, you nearly hit your head.

You blinked as Jade stared down at you. You wanted to ask him what he’s doing but the words just wouldn’t come out.

“I’m sorry. Did you hit your head, love?”

What? Did he just… You must’ve misheard him. But that look on his face. He never looked at you that way before…

“No I didn’t…” You said under your breath. You realized how close he was when he got closer.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you, speak up.” He took his hand that was holding to wrist and moved it to you chin.

“I didn’t hit my head thankfully! Will you take me to Floyd now please?!” You began to slip to the side slowly, trying to get away.

Your heart jumped out of your chest, your eyes widened and you looked to the side to where Jade slammed his hand. You felt the wall shake. You looked back at him slowly but only one word inside your head.

Kaebedon!!

“Before that, I need to ask why you want to see Floyd so badly. You won’t even look me in the eye and you’re running away… to see him?” Jade has that same smile and hint of mischief in his voice. as always.

“I believe he has something that belongs to me so I was going to ask him if it’s whereabouts…!” Your voice strained trying to keep composure.

“Oh my, did he trouble you? I deeply apologize on his behalf. But I think I have what you’re looking for.”

You softened your gaze and mouth opening to explain himself. But soon he reached into his coat with his other hand that was not against the wall.

“Deep into the Heart by Nana F. Hopefully this is what you’ve been searching for.”

You stared blankly at the book, your hands reached out and snatched it from his grasp, which he let you do. You really didn’t have any words for him, mostly out of confusion and intimidation.

“Floyd told me that you left it behind when you ran away from him. He brought it back with him to our dorm after reading it through himself. The premise piqued my interest so I also read it. Hopefully it all makes sense now.”

You understood what he was doing when he did all of that. He was just teasing you. He smiled as he stepped away from you. “Also, Floyd stormed out 30 minutes ago. I’m sure he’s found somebody to amuse himself with by now.”

Now you were just embarrassed, you held the book up to your face to avoid eye contact. You were concerned about Jade and Floyd knowing your taste in literature. The unpredictable nature of the two intimidated you. Surely they wouldn’t tell anyone…

“Thank you Jade. I’m going to head back now.” You turned around and lowered the book.

“Allow me to escort you—“ he cut himself off as you sprinted away.

“No thank you!”

“No running in the lounge!”

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst #jade leech x reader #jade leech #floyd leech #floyd leech x reader

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honeygrahambitch · 11 months

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In order to be a cannibal you need to have a certain life philosophy. You don't just eat people. You are either like Hobbs, who didn't want to let any part go to waste and performed cannibalism as a way of honoring the bodies or you do it like Hannibal who considered his victims rude and wanted to dominate them. Cause eating someone is a nice way of showing off your power.

We never really see Will disagreeing with cannibalism or really addressing it(my chaotic neutral boy). His philosophy is somewhere close to Hannibal's, eating the rude and the worst individuals makes him feel powerful but also righteous.

I also find it interesting that eating Will would have happened for a whole different reason that had more to do with Hannibal's childhood trauma and his inability to regulate his pain and emotions than with rudeness really.

He ended up eating his sister, someone he had loved more than anything in the world and as a result he had become a different person. As Bedelia suggests, he resents that somewhere in his mind palace. Will is the other person who changed him and who he also loved to the moon and back. So the solution was to eat him as well.

By twotl, Hannibal has had a lot of time to figure out that he can accept change if it's done by Will's hands just like Will finally accepts his own becoming which happened thanks to Hannibal up to a point. They both realize that maybe loving the other won't destroy them. And they know that even if it will, it would be the most sublime way to die

#meta #Hannibal meta #hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #hannibal nbc #hannibal series #hannibal fanfiction

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badass-queer-couples-battle · 4 months

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Gay wrongs tournament, semifinals of the losers bracket

Propaganda:

For Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu:

you've got the founder of the fantasy ancient Chinese CIA and the leader of what is essentially the mafia and then they're soulmates and in love. they're both willing to kill anyone who dares hurt the other while also just wanting a soft domestic life together

Zhou Zishu is an assassin and spymaster who put the current Emperor on the throne, and then quit his job by faking his death (kinda, hes still dying but not as fast as he was supposed to). Had done A Lot on his old job, including murdering children (more than one, and at least one of them in a way I can't even describe without several trigger warnings), exterminating whole families, war crimes (and i dont mean this in a buzzword way, i mean "organized a public execution of foreign diplomats during war time")… btw he doesn't feel particularly bad about any of this, because he believes it was necessary. Like he wouldn't do it for fun, but he thinks the ends (putting a good Emperor on the throne) justified the means (all of the atrocities). As a retiree, he definitely cut down on the amount of morally reprehensible murder, but not murder in general. He still routinely kills ppl, he just doesn't go out of his way to kill more. Wen Kexing, meanwhile, is the Ghost Valley Master - Ghost Valley being a place where the worst of criminals are exiled. Even in such a place, he has reputation as a complete lunatic, owed partially to the fact that he either skinned a man or fed him his own flesh or both at one point, and partially to him having a rule where he would kill anyone who came closer than 3 meters to him. But in truth, everything he'd done was to survive the Ghost Valley and eventually take revenge for his parents, who were brutally murdered when he was only nine. By the start of the novel's timeline, he put his plan in motion - the plan that would drown jianghu in blood, but also deliver poetic justice to all responsible for his parents' deaths, as well as all who'd commit the same crime given the chance. And these two men, these two murderers and schemers, meet - and unexpectedly, find in each other the person who /understands/. The person who is just as ruthless and whose hands are just as bloody, but also the person who knows standing at the top of the world is not worth it, who seeks the same freedom of leaving it all behind, and who is still, underneath it all, a human, with human heart seeking connection. So you have this couple who understand each other with barely a word, and who want the same things - who are so hungry for domesticity and for people they can just goof around with when all their lives they had to measure every step and word - but ALSO where one half a couple is like "i gotta go murder hundreds in revenge" and the other half is like "ok pick you up at 6". (This btw is why I'm submitting novel's iteration of the couple in particular. Show wenzhou with their ridiculous breakups over morality could Never.) Also they were both hiding who they are when they first met, and later flirted about having figured each other out. Finally, I'll leave you my favorite quote that just. perfectly sums up their relationship: "And just like that, they fell asleep in each other's arms, steeped in the smell of blood."

You’ve probably already had submissions for them but I’ll add on. One of them founded an assassin’s guild and killed a staggering number of people. His malewife is the leader of a sect of insane murderous outcasts, and he attained his position by proving to be the most crazy and murder happy of them all. Most of the plot involves him wandering around watching his schemes get more people killed. Together they adopt a kid that was only orphaned due to said scheming (oops). They’re terrible and I love them.

For Legolas and Gimli:

They literally have a running competition between the two over who has more kills. And non-canon my ass, Legolas took Gimli to valinor

They kill alot of orcs together. They make it into a competition. Better minds than i have spoken about the couple ness

#losers bracket semifinals #word of honor #lotr #lord of the rings #legolas #gimli #wen kexing #zhou zishu

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gallusrostromegalus · 1 year

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oh my god I am frothing at the mouth PLEASE tell us about how Unohana is SO WEIRD ACTUALLY

(her reveal is my favorite thing in the whole series and I was obsessed with Bleach for a good long time)

I love Unohana. She's magnificently insane and deliciously fun to write so far.

My take on AEIWAM Unohana is that fundamentally, she just wants to be happy.

Oh, that doesn't sound too nuts. I hear you say.

Yeah, but I also headcanon that she has ADHD. We joke a lot about it on this site, but if you have the good fortune to have functioning dopamine factories, allow me to explain the worst part of it, for me.

There's no passive happiness.

Most people, as I understand it, if left to their own devices without undue stressors like capitalism or any particular stimulation, tend to be able to feel pretty okay most of the time. Which fascinates me because if I am left alone without undue stressors but no stimulation, my malfunctioning dopamine factories will shut down and I will rapidly develop a terrible black depression and paranoia that life is cruel and I will never experience happiness again and also my appetite vanishes and sleep cycle collapses and I will end up mentally and physically distraught, sometimes in less than an hour.

So I've always got to be doing something, or The Horrors get me.

So imagine Unohana, and with a brain that wants to die if she gets bored... living in fantasy magical ancient japan. Not much to do, out in the early days of the soul society, besides being attatcked by monsters, or participating in warfare, or starving to death. the first two, at least, get the blood pumping, but the first is difficult to come by regularly, so as a young woman, the most interesting thing that happens to her on the regular is Mortal Combat.

And how exciting it is! Adrenaline! Dopamine! And on the rare occasions she meets a fellow combat enthusiast, she also gets one of the best things about ADHD- Recognition Responsive Euphoria. You know that great feeling you get at Con or meeting another person with your special interest and you guys just VIBE and it feels like you've been best friends for life in less than five minutes? Yeah, apparently Non-ADHD people don't get that.

So naturally, she develops her skill in combat, not in pursuit of Honor or The Art or something nebulous like, that, but in the simple Pursuit of Happiness. She gets very good at it, and a lot of people die.

But she starts getting... too good at it. The fights don't last, there's nobody willing- let alone able, to meet her on her level and the previous joy she felt fades and fades until she is once again left in the darkness.

Then, a Miracle happens! Some punk stabs her in the lung :)

Man, what an evening for her. Kills a hundred men with barely a stroke and there's no more joy in the world for her when suddenly some barely-legal scarecrow looking bastard with a raggedy sword he pulled out of someone else's corpse appears at the top of the pile of bodies and then goes Ape. Fucking. Shit. on her.

It's the most fun she's had in ages! He's strong and fast and his moves are inefficient but delightfully unpredictable and by the GODS the STAMINA! Alright, she might be 1,000 years his senior but in the soul society age really is just a number and she can't help but be charmed.

So she flirts back by nearly cutting his face off. This DELIGHTS him!

And there it is again, that sudden feeling of intimacy between like-minded individuals, only these two ships aren't passing in the night, there' here to make Titanic 2: Electric Boogaloo. They make eye contact, and know-they're just like me.

True Love is a wonderful thing.

It's also a great opportunity for a surprise thrust and she only sort of manages to block it, and despite the feeling of blood pooling in her lung, she returns the blow full across his chest.

She staggers back, coughing.

He, miraculously, sits up, coughing. He won't die if he can crawl off somewhere to lick his wounds, but he can't continue the fight either.

She stands up, teeth gritted through the pain, and sheathes Minazuki. "What's your name?" She asks. "So I may find you to fight again."

"Don't have one." he wheezes. "But I'll never forget yours."

She's had men spit that as a threat to her before. It sounds very different as a declaration of love.

"Yachiru." she says, trying to not cough up blood. "Unohana Yachiru."

A Year later, there's a problem.

Soul Society has a bit of a problem with lungs. They can make entire fake bodies for shinigami to travel the living world, but individual organs, especially lungs... never seem to transplant well. Perhaps it's the fact they're already dead.

Her left lung is "healed" in the sense that it no longer has extraneous holes in it, but... Godsdammit, she still has all the power but none of the stamina. Barely 10 minutes into a fight and she's wheezing worse than The Old Man. 20 minutes and her hands are starting to shake and she's seeing spots in her eyes because she can't breathe well enough to keep the oxygen in her veins. Her fights usually last seconds so functionally she's still one of the most powerful people in the afterlife but it's a far cry from where she was before.

She can no longer be the 11th division's Kenpachi. Hell, she can no longer be the woman she was before.

"Unless you figure out some new medical miracles, this is as healed as it's going to get." Explains the chief medical officer after yet another frustrating checkup.

"...If that's what it takes." She decides.

The next morning she re-enrolls in the Shinigami Academy, under the name Unohana Retsu. The sole change she makes to her appearence is to braid her hair down the front of her chest because people WILL ask about the scar, and she doesn't want to think about how badly she's letting down that warrior with no name.

Either she needs to learn how to get back to his level, or find a new rival and learn to heal them to actually last the 20 minutes she has, or she'll die.

She studies.

To her vast surprise, bodies are actually fascinating. She'd previously seen that there were lots of interesting organs inside people but now learning what they are and how they work and the fact that the human body is already astonishingly death-resistant compared to most animals AND a carefully balanced meat sculpture minutes away from catastrophic failure at all times delights. She learns about the extreme ways humans can survive and the bizarrely mundane ways they can die, and she starts to form an idea- not an image, not a philosophy per se- but a working theory of how to keep someone alive and moving for as long and far as they will go, and what they need to stay upright.

This idea shines so brightly that it can keep that terrible darkness away.

The century practically flies by, and one night she stays up manually pumping the mechanism on a device used to keep the also-failing lungs of a young boy going after the power goes out. He's been blessed by A God that he's lived as long as he has, but even Gods can fuck up sometimes and she effectively has to breathe for him for twelve hours until the God gets its shit back together and he can breathe under his own power again.

"Hell of a fight you put in, keeping him alive." says one of her colleagues, collapsing beside her out in the 4th division medical garden where all the doctors go to smoke.

Retsu slowly exhales the smoke, fatigued but still coming down from the high of success. She cocks her head. Her body aches and her mind races and her heart thrills, just like- "I guess it was. " she realizes. "Interesting fight, going 12 hours in the ring with a dying child and winning because he walked away at the end." She laughs, and hands him the cigarette to share.

"You weirdo." he colleague laughs. He's far too young to remember when she was Yachiru. Most of them are these days, and it's a weird sort of peaceful anonymity and personal joke. "You weren't fighting the kid. If we were actually allowed to fight patients, I'd've stabbed the Kuchki hypochondriac decades ago." he grumbles, taking his own drag.

She snorts. "Who was I fighting then?"

"Death?" smoke billows out as he laughs, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

She freezes. Oh. Oh. That's why she likes this so much. She's gone from fighting mere men to the one opponent she knows she can win battles with, but never the war, and who will defeat her personally someday.

"Are. Are you crying?" he asks, a little worried.

"I- yes." She laughs, tears streaming down her face. "I just fell in love all over again."

"Ouch." he nods sympathetically, offering her the cigarette back. "Who with?"

"Death's own Angel, apparently." She giggles, feeling positively prepubescent with this crush.

And thus she goes on, for centuries, learning everything there is to know about bodies and minds and how the two keep each other going and the ways she can help. She gets very good at it, and a many more people do not die.

But there is a special, secret place in her heart for that nameless warrior that defeated her in battle, and made her stronger than every before.

Nearly 1,000 years after she stopped being Kenpachi, she is supervising the annual "see if you can kill the captain" tournament. Her colleague Kaname is there, a walking anxiety disorder with undoubtedly real but strangely hard to diagnose phantom pains, but he's still easily in her top 10 coworkers of all time because he made her a new medical record filing system so functional they were actually able to recataloge three millennia of medical records into a usable format in under a decade. He can come twitching into her office any time he likes, especially if it gets her that mass vaccination process for the Rukongai he's been biting The Old Man's heels for.

Then

as suddenly as he had appeared the first time,

He's back.

He's older now and larger, having matured into a spectacular bastard, but there's no mistaking that cutting edge on his reiatsu (which, oh, that has gotten much, much stronger since last time) or that scar running down his face as he turns from where he had just cleft the previous Kenpachi in twain, and stares out into the crowd in the shower of blood, challenging anyone to do something about it. Hell, even when Yamamoto appears to congratulate him on his promotion, Death's own angel's first reaction is to turn to fight the old man without hesitation.

He then promptly picks three different fights with four captains in under five minutes, tells Yamamoto to shove the job up his ass, imply he's had a WILD collection of vocations in the last millennium and furthermore, he has to get home to his daughter.

...Named Yachiru.

Hilariously, Unohana is only having the second weirdest time about this here, because Kaname and Kenpachi are, somehow, even weirder than she is.

#AEIWAM #An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy #Everyone in this fic is a freak and I'm having a great time

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kairiscorner · 9 months

Note

Watching miguel marry somebody else? Then gabri courts us /j

(sighs)

walking down the aisle with someone who isn't me — miguel o'hara x reader

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

summary: you felt your whole world crumble when you were there with him, by the altar—just not you as the one he'll be marrying. you feel like crying, screaming, running away—you just can't stand the sight of miguel being with anybody but you. but could you blame him? you waited too late to tell him the truth, what you really felt. word count: 868

you were never one to cry at weddings, you honestly couldn't care about someone starting their life again with the addition of another person in it. if anything, weddings always brought smiles to your face. you always dreamed as a young child what your wedding would be like, how beautiful your spouse would be, how tall your cake would be, how much tears your parents and friends would shed, and just... how happy you were going to be for the rest of your life. and just when you thought you found that person... everything comes crashing down on you when he tells you himself, with a wide grin and his right hand over his left, obscuring his surprise, that he's found someone special to him.

why, oh why, universe, do you find your sorrow entertaining?

and the worst part of it all was... you were the person of honor at his wedding. you stood there, close to him, but not close enough to be that special person who he gazed at with such affection, held overflowing love and devotion for in his heart, the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with. you were none of those things to him, and for the first time, you saw yourself outside of your body, you wanted to grab yourself by the shoulders and shake you awake. you wanted to slap that fraudulent smile off your face, it hurt to force yourself to stretch a smile this wide when all you wanted to do was sob yourself into next month.

but you couldn't do that, no. you'd be selfish for not being there when he specifically asked you to. besides, it was your fault for not admitting to him sooner. you had loved him for more than a decade, you had adored him for what was about to be 15 years in the making. he held your heart in the palm of his hands without even knowing it; with his silly smiles when he would be caught off guard snickering at something, when he'd look all aloof and stoic when completely in focus, and when that shine and widening of his eyebrows when his interest has been piqued—when he's completely enamored with something—or someone, it seemed—you felt your heart beat a little faster, sometimes skipping to beat once or twice altogether.

you realized it at the end of your junior year, you were in love with miguel o'hara, the only guy who ever looked at you like you were worth something, despite his unbearable attitude and snarkiness—he cared about you a lot more than he's ever cared anyone else. but caring for and loving are not one in the same. you were the one he cared for, but you never were the one he loved.

you supported him and were there for him even after you realized your feelings for him. you were there when his previous partners left him, when he was struggling with his powers at first—you were actually the first person he admitted about them to, he trusted you that much. you were there for him when he needed immediate medical attention, and you were there to listen to him go on and on about his inner turmoils.

you were there. you were always there. you hoped that maybe he'd open his eyes one day to the truth of it all, that no one would ever love him the way you loved him. you felt like you were owed to be with him at the end of all this, that one day, he'd ask you if you loved him, and you'd say yes, and he'd take you up in his arms and thank the stars above that you loved him back. but that kind of stuff only happens in fairy tales, and you were living in a bleak, gray reality where nice people can only go so far.

and here you were, the only one who ever really loved him, never once being seen that way by the man you loved. he was getting married to someone else, someone whose name you didn't care to remember, whose face you didn't wish to keep stowed away in the depths of your mind. you knew he was a catch, you knew a lot of people have the same dreams as you do, to have a piece of him—to bed him, to wake up with him, to hold his hand and kiss him and forget your worries as he holds you close and reassures you he's here for you—but that's all it'll ever be: dreams.

as they exchanged vows and their 'i do's', miguel sneaks a look at you and smiles widely, and it wasn't out of sympathy or friendship—it was a smile that thanked you, a smile that reassured you that even if he's married... he appreciates you. and it was only here, at this very altar, that you found yourself crying for the first time at a wedding; a wedding you would've felt joyous at, proud of for your friend that he found his somebody—if you could only stop yourself from wishing that somebody was you.

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @binibinileonara @luvstarrstruck @fiannee @fictarian @yuridopted0

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara angst #atsv miguel #atsv angst #atsv #atsv x reader #atsv x you #atsv x y/n #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse x reader

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onestepbackwards · 9 months

Note

something i came up for the self aware!pla au. so, you know how the game shows us the ancestors of current day pokemon characters (kamado > rowan and all that)? so, what if the characters ingame knew about that, and went to you to figure out just who and what their descendant will be like. decided to drop a few dribbles for that:

cyllene:

cyllene was the first person to ask you about what will become of her legacy, and who will be the next person to carry the torch. the whole idea that someone will be there after her fascinates her, but unfortunately for you and her.. you played pokemon platinum before. you know you gotta tell her. after a long explanation about who cyrus is, his motivation and what will he do to sinnoh scares her, to say the least. truly, how one like HIM gets to carry the family name is a disgrace, but.. she feels sorry for him, in a way. judging by the way he grew up, it's no wonder he turned out the way he did. maybe cyllene won't be able to do much now, but she will try her hardest to prevent that mistake from happening again.

kamado:

while you always had a bone to pick with the guy, you were quite surprised to see him ask you about just WHO his future great-great-great-great-great grandson is gonna be. will he stay honorable? will he learn from kamado's mistakes and stay off the path he carved to himself? maybe. surprisingly enough, he was more than delighted to hear that his grandson was gonna be a pokemon professor. beats being a war monger, at least.. and who knows, maybe he'll even be like laventon! wouldn't hurt to have a brilliant mind in the bloodline.

volo & cogita:

another curious pair who heard about the ancestry thing. with both of them already recognizing you for your "true, godly powers", they figured out you could give them the answers. you ARE all-knowing, after all. of course, they bicker with each other before you can finally give them the answer. volo wishes that HIS descendant got HIS smarts and didn't cogita's attitude, while cogita wishes that HER descendant got HER manners, and not volo's ego. luckily, you tell them that their descendant, cynthia, got the best of both worlds and none of the worst. you continue telling them about her, and you can't help but see cogita perk up when she hears the word "champion". oh, what a grandiose title! truly, only one of her bloodline can afford one as such! but volo finds more excitement when you tell him that cynthia is just as interested in history and ruins as he is, while sharing a team thats ALMOST identical to his. a garchomp AND a spiritomb? yeah, she's his descendant, no word about it.

It would be such a funny experience fksjfj

“Oh great god, what are my descendants like? Do you know?”

And your face varies over who asks.

Cyllene asks and you just 😬

“Um… I respect you too much to lie but… he kinda tries to commit universal genocide and attempts to become a god of a new universe??”

Cyllene is deathly still.

“He what.”

You are frantically moving you hands.

“No worries! The hero stopped them in their time too!”

Cyllene slumps back in her chair.

“Is… that why they always seemed so nervous around me at first?”

“If it’s any consultation, someone here tried to do the same thing, when ironically his descendant helped the hero stop your descendant??”

She rubs her temples, clearly getting a migraine.

“Please, could you elaborate?”

“On what?”

“Everything.”

You could probably tell others too about their descendants with various reactions.

“Oh yeah, Beni’s descendant almost became champion. Dude became a powerful trainer in the future, rivaled by the eventual champion themself.”

“…”

“Was the real underdog. Sweet kid too.”

You could also do this to fuck with random people, should you desire it.

“Oh yeah! Your descendants do great thing! Until the accident.”

“The what.”

“I have to go.”

I love these ideas though 💕💕 especially telling Volo or Cogita about Cynthia, explaining she is one of the strongest, most ruthless champions across the world.

They would have an ego about it.

And I feel Komado would find some peace with his descendant being a professor. When you tell him about how the hero even knows him, he feels a bit worse though.

No wonder the hero trusted him so easily, if they knew his descendant. His act of banishing them probably hurt even more now that he knows that.

He probably now has caused his descendant strife if the hero eve returns to their time. He knows he caused damage, he just silently hopes and prays his descendant is spared from the hero’s pain.

#self aware pokemon #self aware au #zed.talks #ask #anon #pla #pokemon legends arceus #long post

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pascaloverx · 3 months

Text

Rewrite The Stars

Chapter Seven (rewriten)

Summary: One photo changes your whole life, when you accidentally bump into a celebrity and the world starts to believe that you are a couple.

Author's note: Hello my readers. Anyone who follows this fanfic knows that I made a seventh chapter before. I personally didn't like the chapter written so I rewrote it. I hope you like this new one.

chapter six chapter eight

"I wish you would go away. And yes, I realize that you are my boss in a way but tonight was not what I expected. In fact it was worse than any nightmare of mine." You speak without ceremony. Frustration is the word that most defines your night.

"Well, I'm not leaving here until my girlfriend tells me what happened at the awards show that made you mad at me." Pedro speaks and I wonder why he called me his girlfriend.

"I'm going to go into this apartment and forget what happened last night and I suggest Mr. Pascal..." — you get closer him as if he were going to tell a secret — "do the same." Pascal seems impressed with you. But right now you just want a shower. A good bath.

"Well, I won't. I won't leave here or around you. Not at least until you say what's bothering you." How lovely. In your wildest dreams this discussion would have a much sexier twist but now You can't think about it.

"Okay, Pascal. I'm going to come in, be my guest to stay as long as you think necessary, but I warn you that I won't answer any questions I don't want to and that my main objective is to take a long bath." You open the apartment door, letting Pedro enter and then lock the door.

"What happened?" Pascal asks, looking directly at you, as you walk to the bathroom without saying anything. Thinking about how to change the subject, you try without success; take off your dress.

"Mr. Pascal, could you help me?" You look at him in the corner of your eye, seeing him smile sideways. He then gently unzips the dress.

"Since I'm helping you, could you give me a clue as to why you're like this?" He speaks behind your ear, which sends a shiver through your body. You close your eyes tightly to keep from letting out the soft moan that is stuck in your throat. The truth is that Pedro Pascal's hand is cold, and it is still touching your skin. His body wants to react to his touch but you're afraid of looking crazy.

"There were people looking at me like I didn't belong there. And people who made me feel..." You want to speak but it seems like admitting what you're about to admit is wrong. You feel like you've already spoken enough so you enter the bathroom leaving the door closed.

"I'm not leaving, so could you tell me what people made you feel?" Pedro speak a little louder so you can hear it as you get into the shower. The sound of the water drowns out Pascal's voice but you realize that maybe it's the best way to answer his question.

"They made me feel important, Pedro. As if I deserved an award, or had won it. As if I were a role model. For staying with you, for having conquered you. And the worst part is that it's all a scam." You talk and when you don't hear anything, you decide to continue showering and venting.

“I'm not used to being praised for something I'm pretending to do. Don't get me wrong, falsely dating you is an honor. But it's strange to see people idolize me for a lie." Your mind is heavy. The conscience hurts too much, but admitting this vulnerability to Pascal. You finish the shower swearing that Pascal must not have heard what you said. You wrap the towel under your body and leave the bathroom a little embarrassed. You was in such a hurry that you forgot to grab a second change of clothes.

"Y/N..." Pedro says as soon as you came out of the bathroom surprising you, you almost fell but then Pedro held your waist helping you stay balanced.

"Thank you for your help but I think I'm a little inappropriate." You say pointing to your body, since you're just wrapped in a towel. Literally.

"What you said in that bathroom, I... I don't want you to feel bad. This is my shame, so don't carry this feeling with you. And I would like to add that you smell really good." Pedro speaks softly, getting closer and you feel an enormous need to do something. Something insane.

"Pascal, will you allow me to do something to ease my conscience?" You speak curiously about what answer he will say.

"You are allowed to do anything that will ease your conscience, Y/N. Of course, anything that involves me." He says this in an amused tone and then he is surprised by a kiss. You kiss him like you really love him, like you really are his girlfriend. As if you could really be the object of Pedro Pascal's desire. Because what hurts the most is that every time someone congratulates you on your relationship, you remember that it's all fake.

tag: @wanniiieeee , @hungrhay and @leilanixx

#pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal series #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #fake dating au #Spotify #pedro pascal fandom

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relatableblorbopoll · 5 months

Text

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 7

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Rigby (Regular Show)

"i relate to him a lot because he started the show as an insufferable piece of shit (i used to be insufferable too) and then he starts dating Eileen and becomes a better person (i became a better person after i started dating my girlfriend) and his friendship with Mordecai just reminds me a whole lot of my dynamics with my best friend. he really is just like me fr"

Angua von Überwald (Discworld)

"Okay SO she's a werewolf who ran away from home because her parents are awful and then changed her name. Her parents ignore her existence and when they're confronted by her they use her old name that she Discarded because they are the worst. She's a vegetarian by day and doesn't eat people at full moon (one drop is one too many) but she Pays for all chickens she kills because that's not what an animal does. She is So angry and So hateful and So wrong about So many things but she Learns and Grows through the books. When she falls in love she fully believes she will be chased out of the town when the clock strikes midnight because nobody can accept her for who she truly is but THEN her lover finds OUT and he is shocked and confused at first but he loves her and LEARNS about her and puts aside his prejudice and they both grow as people over the course of several books and I love her so much your honor she is just like me fr fr"

Cao Weining (Word of Honor)

"ready to risk it all for a pretty girl who can and will beat his ass. just wants to eat a bunch of good food with his girlfriend"

Aang (Avatar: The Last Air Bender)

"12 years old, told you’re going to be the most powerful and important person in the world—and that you need to start like tomorrow. I’d runaway too."

Okuyasu Nijimura (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

"YES, he says he isn’t too smart but he tries his best, he yells a lot when he isn’t supposed to, he puts things bluntly, he is menacing with a heart of gold, AND HE MAKE THE FUNNY FACE"

Shin Tsukimi (Your Turn to Die)

"-He is extremely weak. A literal twelve year old boy is stronger than him. He struggled to open a sliding door cabinet. -He's a liar, but like.. some of it is super funny. He lies about just the most random shit. He claimed that he simply 'didn't know how to do a push-up', and that's why he didn't want to do one. When in reality, he's actually just too physically weak to do one. -He has major beef with, (and is jealous of), a random seventeen year old girl. He is twenty something. His number one worst enemy is some random teenage girl.... same, honestly. -He uses really... strange.. wording. I mean this very affectionately. But it's hard to defend him when he says stuff like 'riffraff' and 'casting pearls before swine'. -Terrible fashion. I mean, just look at him. -Autism. -He enjoys cute cat plushies."

#tumblr polls #tumblr tournament #character bracket #character tournament #preliminaries #regular show rigby #regular show #discworld #discworld angua #cao weining #word of honor #aang #avatar the last airbender #okuyasu nijimura #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba part 4 #shin tsukimi #your turn to die #Angua von Überwald

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wildestdreamsblog · 2 years

Text

I loved and lost you

Pairing: Soft!dark Ari Levinson x Reader

Summary: You were just trying to escape your past, and Ari was trying to chase his future.

Warnings: Soft!Dark Ari, Swearing, Possessiveness, Manipulative behavior, Sexual themes, Breeding kink, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: Here we are at the second part of the story where love becomes madness. This chapter is more than 4kish words it got out of hand that I had to cut it. Thank you so much for your support!

Masterlist

This love is bad: Part Three

“He’s your fiancé,” Bucky revealed confidently, his eyes trained on your rigid form.

You heard him, you swore you did. But at that moment, it was like you were frozen in time, like the whole world stopped in honor of you grieving over the love that could have been, if only..

The world was completely engulfed in silence, but that wasn’t from peace. No, it was the silence you heard when the storm was about to land. It was eerily silent that you could hear a pin dropped, it was too quiet that you could even hear the thousand thoughts in your mind, fighting whether to trust and believe Bucky’s claim, or to continue having faith on you and Ari.

But heavens, you knew. You just knew that Bucky would never lied to you, that he had no reason to say this if he had not double-checked the facts. Because Bucky was like that even when you were younger, everything he said was nothing but the truth, even if it hurt you. Still, a part of you didn’t want to believe.

You chuckled in disbelief, “What are you talking about, Bucky? This is Ari.”

Slowly, you turned to look at the man behind you. You only noticed now that his grip on your wrist tightened further, as if he was sure you’d run.

Ari’s face was devoid of any emotion, so antithetical with what you knew him of. You were used to his smiles, his teasing looks, the crinkles in his eyes from laughing too much. And now, it was as if you were looking at the face of a stranger.

You angled your face to him, attempting to get him to look at you. Why couldn’t he looked at you? Why couldn’t he watched you as he broke you?

And only when you tugged your wrist from his unescapable grip did he break his deadly eye contact with Bucky, turning to look down at you with clinical eyes.

“Why aren’t you saying something, Ari?” You whispered at him, tears brimming your eyes from his silence. How hard was it to deny? To react? To give you anything but this?

You got your answer from his silence.

You looked down at his hold on you, and on his other hand was the flowers he bought you. And how you told him you’d marry him. Oh, what a fool you had been.

He played you like a fool.

“This doesn’t change anything, darling,” he dictated as if his words were the law, as if he didn’t just break your heart.

You looked at him incredulously, your tears streaming down your face. God, now that you knew, it pained you to even look at the man you thought you could trust, the man you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with, the man you loved with all that was left of you.

“H-how could you even say that?” You whispered, your throat aching from trying to swallow your emotions. “How could you even say that when all this time you have been lying to me?!” You pushed his chest with your free hand, the other one successfully escaping his hold. And in all the chaos, the red tulips was now scattered on the ground. He didn’t expect your strength, but he should know that nothing was stronger than a broken woman. And he broke you.

You stepped back from him, shaking your head as he stepped closer to you.

“I didn’t lie to you, darling-“

“Don’t. Don’t call me that, Ari.”

His jaw clenched, his breathing heavy as he watched it all unfold chaotically. His worst nightmare had came to life. His fist clenched involuntarily, his eyes focused solely on you as if if he looked away you’d disappear from his life forever….like his mother. You were the most important person in his life, and sweetheart, he refused to lose you.

“I didn’t lie. I didn’t know it was you at first-“

“Then when did you first recognize it was me?” You challenged him, your voice trembling even as you tried to sound strong, to sound loud even when you feel anything but.

“When I first met you, I didn’t know who you were. Believe me, I didn’t know,” he implored firmly, willing you to believe him. “I tried to stop falling in love with you, but-“

“Don’t, Ari. Don’t call this love. I loved you. And you only deceived me,” you cried, hating the fact that you had been living in lies for the past months, that the one you thought you could trust was only manipulating you. You wondered now how far he’d go if only you didn’t find out. “You don’t manipulate the one you love, Ari. That is not love.”

“I would have told you! I was going to tell you today but your bodyguard had to ruin everything for us! I would have came clean!”

You wiped away your tears angrily, your eyes trained at the hulking man. You felt so drained. You felt so empty as if the past minutes took everything in you and left you void of everything. You wanted all of this to be a bad dream, to wake up in his arms and start the day together. But all of that were mere wishful thinking. Now, the truth was in front of you and you could no longer live in lie.

How long would he had made a fool out of you if Bucky didn’t come?

You shook your head, and as you turned around, tears fell again from your exhausted eyes. Bucky wrapped his arm around you as you faced him. You couldn’t take another step when you heard his heavy footsteps, but he never reached you.

Bucky suddenly pushed you gently behind him, his other hand shoved forcefully against Ari’s chest, glaring at him as he did so. He wouldn’t be able to go near you again, Bucky thought, not when he was still here. He’d do better in protecting you from now on, if not for you then for your sister who loved you the most.

“Take you filthy hand off of me, Barnes,” Ari seethed as he looked at you.

“Let me think about it,” Bucky replied nonchalantly, his voice calm, as if he wasn’t holding off a bull that was hellbent on getting to you. “No, sorry. I don’t want to.”

Ari’s form suddenly became colder, became more tranquil. He suddenly stopped struggling, and then he turned his head to look at Bucky. His eyes narrowed. Quietly, he said, “You took the most important person in my life. I’ll take yours. No one comes between me and Y/n.”

“Unlike you, Levinson, I will not let anyone take her away from me.”

“Wanna bet on that?” Ari asked quietly, the side of his lip tilting up. He should have known, no one got the best of Levinson’s. He should have known, he didn’t achieve the height of success by playing fair.

You thought he was the villain? Fine, darling.

You didn’t hear what the two men were talking about, but from the look of their faces, it was intense. Bucky was always cool and collected, but now he looked like he was one second away from unleashing brutality on the smirking Ari.

You reached for Bucky, and only then did your movement snap Ari away from his villainous thoughts. He must have seen how devastated you were, how your lips trembled, how your eyes couldn’t seemed to stop tearing up, how he broke you, because he suddenly stepped back and he let the two of you walked away. Bucky didn’t stray his eyes from Ari even as he guided you to his car. He opened the door for you, and before you even got in, you heard Ari called out to you.

“This is not the end, sweetheart. I’ll fix this for us.”

You didn’t turn to look at him, but if you did, you would see his eyes full of promise. You heard the door closed, and as Bucky rounded the car, you thought how could this be the end to a great love, how this was the end of your love story you had prayed to have.

How fragile love was.

You looked at the rearview mirror as Bucky drove away quietly, Ari remained motionless, standing steadily as he watched you leave. You watched him, committed everything to memory, and promised yourself this was the last time anyone ever used you again.

At your request and your stoic form, Bucky only looked at you when you asked him to stop by at the hospital. You wanted to say goodbye to the only one who was true to you in this town before you left.

You just got in time before the visitation hours was over, shooting a grateful smile at the nurse before entering the room with Bucky dutifully guarding the room despite you telling him it wasn’t necessary. Jess’ face softened when she caught your form lingering on the door. You noted that she looked better, that her glow was slowly and steadily returning. Jess lost her smile when you neared her, seeing your tearstained cheeks and your swollen eyes, she knew this was serious. You sat beside her bed, mustering up a smile when you felt anything but smiling.

“Oh, honey,” Jess said before opening her arms for you. “I will castrate Ari for you once I get out of this hospital.”

Your tears fell down your face once you felt her comforting arms around you. It was as though someone was holding your broken pieces together, preventing them from falling completely apart. She rubbed your back softly, her eyes tearing up as well because she could see how devastated you were, how you were like a child looking for her mother to soothe her pain- only that she knew you weren’t close to your mother. You said once that instead of telling you that it was going to be okay, she’d tell you to get over it. And now that Jess was really a mother, she couldn’t fathomed how your mother didn’t provide you the love that you deserved.

A love from one’s parents should not be earned.

“I swear! I’m going to slash his tires for you, bestie!”

You chuckled at her threats and gently reminded her, “But he’s Ishmael’s godfather.”

“Ah, a mistake on my end.”

“You even named you child ‘Ari’.”

“Oh my Gooooooood, don’t remind me,” Jess shuddered dramatically, earning an honest laughter from you.

“Jess?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for being real with me. Thank you for always having my back. You are my best friend,” you whispered, eternally grateful for the bond you had with her, for having known her for she was such a precious person. “But now, I must leave this town.”

Jess was quiet for a moment, her eyes looking intently at you. Ari must have done something so horribly wrong that would sent you packing. Isaac had always told Jess that you seemed like a flight-risk, that you had always looked like one day you’d just leave- that was until you met Ari. Jess and Isaac both agreed that ever since Ari met you, his eyes looked so much calmer… and you looked like you were falling. What they didn’t anticipate was how your story ended.

“Princess, it’s time,” a baritone voice came from just outside the door and there stood a tall and muscular man. You only nodded before slipping to Jess your email and mobile number, your real contact number. You were done running. From now on, you were going to be you. And anyone else had no say on that. Not even your father. Not even Ari.

You watched the town as Bucky drove by, his arms strong as he expertly drove, whilst you looked outside the window. The town was still beautiful, it still looked bewitching, and yet, now it only haunted you. Now, the town seemed dreadful to you, the place where you got your heart broken and your soul torn. This was the place you escaped to, and yet ironically, fate brought you the man you were running away from. Looking back, it seemed as though Ari was a fire and you were a moth, and when you got too close, you got burnt. You could not believed how naive you were in all the months you spent here. You were the happiest when you were the most ignorant. You foolishly thought this place was heaven on earth, but it proved to you that it was the opposite. You wondered now if Ari had fun manipulating you, wondered if it was that easy for someone to tell you they loved you and lied to you.

Was anything even real?

“I’m here! Don’t be scared. I’ll even catch you if you want!”

“I think you and I deserve better than a lie, don’t you think?”

“And I won’t let anything get in between this love, because it’s the only good thing in my life.”

“You’re here now, sweetheart. Now I’m not alone.”

Was he even real? Was anything he showed you real? Or was that just a facade just to get you to marry him for his personal gain? Did he really love you, or was that merely another of his tactic?

“Shit,” Bucky swore under his breath, snapping you back to reality and away from your miserable thoughts. He glanced at the rearview mirror before sharply over taking the car in front of him. You looked at him before glancing behind you and finally noticed three cars following you- one of which was a familiar one. It was Ari’s.

“Hold on, princess. It seems like your fiancé isn’t exactly keen on letting you leave.”

“What?!”

He glimpsed on his rearview mirror once again before chuckling under his breath, “And look, that’s my employer right there.”

Fuck, your father found you. It seemed as though you could not catch a break, not today. With a worried look, you held on to your seatbelt as Bucky pressed further on the gas, the trees on the side of the road blurring. Bucky managed to outrun the other vehicles, but one kept up with the pace. And the familiar car only brought you further anger and trepidation. You mustered up a courage to look at the car beside you, and the one driving it. Ari looked so…emotionless as he met your eyes.

Before you knew it, his car sped up and expertly maneuvered it in front of Bucky a few feet away. He deliberately positioned the car that way that left Bucky with no option but to hit the brakes. You heard Bucky cursed, and Ari remained looking stoic as he waited patiently for the car to stop.

The sound of gravel was the only thing you could hear. Ari took his time stepping out of his car. He shifted his eyes at you, “Hi, sweetheart.”

What the fuck? How did he have the audacity to do this when just hours ago the truth was revealed? How could he looked at you as if he didn’t break your trust?

Bucky glanced at you, noting how tensed you got since Ari went after you. “Don’t mind him, princess. I won’t give you to him. I promise.”

You nodded at his reassurance, looking at Bucky’s sincere eyes. It didn’t take long for the other cars to catch up. The only light came from the cars’ headlights, and the moon seemed to be withdrawn tonight, as if it didn’t want to witness how your life fell apart.

Bucky smiled at you comfortingly, the one he used to do when you were younger to tell you he had everything in control before his door was swiftly opened, and a guard you knew dragged him unceremoniously outside. You knew Bucky let it happened, because no way would someone be able to do that to him if he didn’t allow it. You turned around and saw you father, the man of your nightmare, stepped out of his expensive car. His jaw was set, his fist clenched as he looked at Bucky disapprovingly.

Before you knew it, your father landed his fist on Bucky’s face. You had to do something.

And so despite your paralyzing fright, you tore your door open and ran to Bucky, your dress moving with you as though you were a damsel in distressed. You didn’t want to be, you wanted to be your own goddamned hero.

You got in between you father and your friend, Bucky. With you jaw clenched, you glared at your so-called father who only looked amused at your show of bravery. He thought that it was stupidity. “Long time no see, my prodigal daughter.”

“Let him go,” you order though your gritted teeth. Bucky did nothing wrong, and if someone should be hurt, it should’t be him.

Your father tilted his head to the side, clearly unamused by your stubbornness, a thing he didn’t know you had. You used to follow all his orders. But now? Now you had thorns.

“You’re brave now,” he said observantly, walking closer to you. He tilted your chin up to him, “Let’s see until when.”

You slapped his hand away from you, and your father only laughed as though it was amusing to him, as if you running away from home for two years didn’t frazzle him, as if you didn’t matter to him. Why would you when you were just born out of agreement?

He hated it, and in turn, he didn’t completely love you. He experienced the pains of arranged marriage, so why then did he want you to experience one?

Why then did he have to sacrifice you just to have his other and more favored daughter happy and safe?

“And you, Barnes. I should have known where your loyalty lies.”

Bucky looked straight at your father, his form taut, “You told me to protect your daughters, Sir. I’m only doing what I was hired to do.”

“Protecting means hiding her from me?”

“It means protecting her, even from you,” he shot back fearlessly, his voice hard. Bucky saw you, he grew up with you. He saw your pains and how different he treated you. You deserved a shot at happiness, and if it meant agreeing to your then plan, then so be it.

He only nodded once before pointing at Ari, “I see you met your fiancé. My, my. Even when running away you managed to fail. Are you really my daughter?”

“I hope to God I’m not,” you answered gallantly, tilting your chin up and looking at him dead in the eye. “Because what father would sacrifice his own daughter for business?”

“Honey, you’d be surprised how many before me did it to their own daughters. You’re not special-“

“Enough,” a baritone and strong voice you knew all too well suddenly redounded. Ari had seen enough, and it grated him to hear how your father spoke to you. He was leaning against his car leisurely until your own flesh and blood insulted you, and in turn, insulted him as well. His long and powerful thighs carried him in front of you. He looked down at you disheveled state, and even in pain you still managed to take his breath away.

Even when you were doing your absolute best to run from him, you still managed to make his heart beat faster.

“Come with me, and no one will get hurt.”

“Never again, Ari. I’ll never be a fool for you again.”

But darling, he was your fool, he thought. He would willingly be a fool for you if it meant having you near him again, if it meant he’d get to lie down next to you every night and wake up with you in his arms.

He nodded at the men holding Bucky. You heard his pained grunt, and still, you couldn’t get your eyes off of Ari.

Who was this man standing in front of you? Where was the heroic guy the whole town loved and adored?

“Ari,” you called softly, your brows furrowed, sadness clouded your face. “This is not you.”

You were past pleading, but if it was for Bucky who only did nothing but help you, you would plead. You shook your head slowly, your voice cracked, “This isn’t the man I love, Ari. Please don’t be my father. Let me go.”

And as you blinked, tears fell from your eyes, making it difficult for you to see him as he looked disheartened for a moment before he masked it with his indifference. He hated those tears in your eyes, hated how you compared him to your father. He wasn’t like your father because he loved you. He only ever wanted to love you. He abhorred completely how he was the reason why you were sad, why those tears were in your eyes.

He stepped forward, and for a second he looked like a child who was lost, who didn’t know what to do. In a way, he was. Ari needed help, but most of all, he needed love that only he could accept from you.

Ah, fate, you were so cruel to him.

You felt Ari’s warm hand in your cheek, wiping your tears softly before he leaned down and kissed your lips so sweetly, so tenderly that it made you cried harder.

Why did he have to lie to you? Why did you have to fall in love with him? Why did he make you hate him?

God, you wanted nothing but to embrace him, to love him, to forgive him.

And yet, you knew there was no turning back now. No matter what happened, you couldn’t looked at him the same way. And you hated him for making you detest the pure love you felt for him.

His lips were warm, and he only ceased kissing you when he tasted your tears.

“I’m going to let you go for now because of my own benevolence,” he murmured to you, his hands still caging your face, his forehead leaning on yours as he looked into your eyes. “Darling, this is the last time I’m going to let you go.”

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#ari levinson fic #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson x y/n #ari levinson x you #soft!dark ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson #ari levinson angst #ari levinson au

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