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anti-endo-haven · 23 days

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Hello..I just found your blog and thought I would ask a question for any advice or guidance

A lot of serious and very traumatic life changing things have happened in my life within the past year and a half and to explain this the best way I can is that I feel...very different than how I was before this situation started. I think I could have DID or some thing near it's spectrum, I wish to be respectful so my apologies if anything here is just a stretch. I've been having a lot of internal conflict about this and it's been giving me a lot of identity crisis and panic

It started when the situation took a turn for the worst and was forced to live in my childhood room, where of which i was abused most of my life which i used to even have nightmares of going back to. Surprisingly I wasn't as upset as i thought i would be for being there. I just felt nothing for several months, but far far in the back of my head like a muffled banging door, I could feel that emotion I was originally expecting to flare up screaming at me in agony only to look at it like "eh whatever" and forget the emotion or what I was even upset about within minutes. This happens often when I'm upset now and it feels like I'm looking at those emotions from an outsider's prespective and even making internal judging comments about the thoughts

This "blocking" feeling has gotten progressively stronger that blocks even my internal image and way of thinking and my every day memory, I used to daydream vividly with bright colors now everything is always a black screen with occasional bursts of images that last in small sparks. Only vivid images is intrusive ones or flashbacks

This same thing goes with how I think, often the most vivid thoughts I have are structured like conversations between others, which was already a thing but it's more unclear, even those are sometimes hard to come by because this blocking feeling has taken over so much that I just. Find myself not doing anything for hours sometimes ill catch myself staring off for at least an hour i dont know how to describe what i feel and think during these moments bwcause i cant remember very well but it "feels" like a lot, it's really hard to feel connected to myself anymore at this point sometimes I feel convinced my brain is rotting and dying because I feel like I've lost so many functions and memories and emotions that idk how to deal with, it just feels like my head is completely in tatters in some way. If I'm not always actively distracted irl and left alone in my head for too long I get scared of my head and spiral into a blank state

Sometimes when doing simple self care tasks i feel like im caring for someone else and rushing to it in an annoyed manner, but when I have to do certain work or help my abusers or if i have certain flashbacks I turn into this worldview where I feel like a mindless machine..as in literally a machine thats programmed to only do work or else, and feel like im watching myself to keep myself from hurting myself when im in this state because i move fast. I have to get things done perfectly without flaw, my movements feel more effective and professional and I'll have to appear like im working at all times or i become very anxious, I have to go "above and beyond" what my abusers expect of me, anything I'll do it for their happiness. These feelings get so extreme that I'll overwork myself until I couldn't keep going anymore and have arguments with myself on that i should stop or keep going. The words "above and beyond" seem to especially trigger this way of thinking and its linked to some unimportant job advice an abuser gave me long time ago and has even started to identify with that as a name.

At this point now I just feel like a jumbled up mess, I don't know who I am anymore or how to be and exist and how to feel and feeling envy for other people and wanting to be them and wanting to escape my body and feeling scared of my own head

I'm not the brightest person in the world, I may not have explained this or wrote this very well there's definitely a lot more unmentioned going on with me I just don't know how to word well because I just don't know how well to pinpoint what is what in my head or if I'm tricking myself or what, i havent socialized much in what feels like forever so im sorry if my talking is strange. But I definitely don't feel like I'm functioning as one person sometimes, it's been a back and fourth of believing it or thinking I've just lost it. Of course not expecting a diagnosis but just some sort of advice, even if I don't have DID it would be appreciated

I'm well aware I need therapy, but the situation im in causes a lot of road blocks, i haven't even been outside since last October because I'm living in a neighborhood I'm not supposed to legally be in to stay hidden, so really any little bit of advice or even just supportive words is like gold to me right now.

Definitely do some self-reflection and do some research while you can. Look through OSDD and DID. I’d highly recommend it because you have experiences similar to ours besides a few things here and there.

100% try and do something to help ground yourself at times of extreme duress. If you need to use techniques for grounding methods for dissociation, I’d recommend starting with small things and then working your way to things that can be bigger to keep more focus.

If you can and able, keep a journal to record all of your thoughts, experiences, and what goes on. This will be extremely helpful and will help you remember if you can get a therapist to help you.

And it’s okay to be wrong about having OSDD or DID, but you can do research into it while you have the ability to.

#anti endo #did system #system #osddid #endos dni #traumagenic system #actually did #endos not for you #actually traumagenic #did plural #did plurality #osdd plural #osdd plurality #anti-endo-haven-vent #anti-endo-haven-vents #tw programming mention

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self-h-rmageddon · 2 months

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whatever its my vent i need to use it to vent or else this shit is gonna rip me apart like a tornado, its already begun

i dont think anyone will see this, i sure hope not! if you do, no you didnt. just ignore me for now, ill live

im scared. its that same thing, fear thats like an old friend at this point. hi! nice to see you again, take a seat lets do this again i guess. scared, i see things that arent there. little things, seemingly nothing, but its. i spend too much time trying to look into things and read abandonment before it happens, i know that. reading into things looking for abandonment and rejection will yield those results. i KNOW this. but i keep doing it.

small, it starts off small. 95% , im alright! anything i see, i just shake off. am i actually seeing it? or do i just think i see it? its simple... and then it starts to dwindle the more i see. okay.. well. this still doesnt mean anything! control yrself, its alright, you are safe, and you are loved.. right? no, of course i am! of course... time passes, things pile up, below half its not looking good! just. keep it together. youve been doing so good, havent you? youve been such a non issue for them! good. keep it that way. calms for a bit, but. how else do i phrase this? when i keep losing skill checks over and over and over again, you must understand! of course it just gets worse, im just not.. good at this.

im losing my charm, im getting dull, im grey and boring im.. annoying, probably. yes.. dreadful, arent you? YAWN. okay

its like.. ive been reassured so many times, i usually just reply that information over and over when i start to feel myself crack, but.. eventually, it goes quiet. im using old words to reassure myself, what if.. what if somethings changed? what if its not true anymore?

do i REALLY wanna get into how pathetic i am? sure why not, i said i love you a few times and it was overlooked. both ways. i cant blame them though, i probably say it too much, thats what i mean by annoying. maybe.. its so glaringly obvious how much i want to be here, maybe its genuinely obnoxious? maybe they just didnt notice, maybe they meant to but forgot! or maybe. its not true anymore. maybe they say it with contempt, maybe they say it with a sigh. that sounds right, doesnt it?

is it real? i have no idea! genuinely. im blinded here, i see whats real and what isnt, which means i see nothing at all basically. the worst part about it? i dont believe theyre those kind of people, not even a little bit! i just.. get scared that maybe ill bring it out of them, maybe its ME thats the problem, that wears them down, yknow?

this has been growing for like. more than a month at this point. slowly just.. chipping away, breaking down my armor. ive always been temporary in the past. even when im so excited to keep going, so excited to explore this path and enjoy it, i cant lie and say that fear wont rear its head eventually. eventually im going to be afraid again, afraid of little things. small. but you cant just say "hey! any tiny thing you do regarding me, i will see it and read into it and probably take it wrong" cuz thats not right!! even if its TRUE that doesnt make it right. no bpd walking on eggshells please 🙏🙏 please.

it always feels awful to be doing like really well! and then it just starts... sinking. you feel yrself sinking, you feel the flooring underneath yr feet start to lower, but you stare up into the sky anyways, its okay for now! its slowly becoming not okay. im scared im just..

i have a hard time going long without positive reinforcement or reassurance that im still. WANTED. that im doing anything right at all. i just need a little!! just a little, and itll go a long way i promise! i start to retreat back into my shell, i start regarding myself as a visitor and not a resident. ill stay away, ill become distant and nervous, less sure of myself, etc. scared, treading lightly so to speak. like the smallest thing will ruin it, its fragile and i need to take great care and make sure i dont shatter this. thats how im feeling again recently. its really just a me problem, this feeling grows over time and im so painfully aware of it

but.. thats where the problem arises, i couldnt ever ask for it. cuz.. if you deserved it, dont you think they wouldve given it to you? then theres some sort of separation, theres an answer. if they wont say they feel it, its because they dont. how embarrassing is that? i know its not true, theres probably another answer, but... what if it is? ive been doing so terrible recently, like as a friend im not doing good at all. i havent been, ive been trying but. im not trying hard enough, i need to do more. but if i do more, then i seem desperate dont i? i am desperate, even if i dont like to admit it, its true

what do i do then? if yr desperate and they dont like it, it reinforces to them why they shouldnt like you and yr worse off then before you asked! but if you never ask...

why does it always boil down to this? the 'damned if i do, damned if i dont' thing? its constant, im literally frozen in place. its killing me one way or another. and its so fucking weird how i can be fully confident, cuz it never bothers me when someone asks for help or reassurance, im here! bitch of course yr there!!! you cant live without them, ofc you do shit like that!! that doesnt mean itll be returned to you. you can hope it will be, but.. what if you try and its not? then its basically set in stone, you arent good enough anymore. yeowch!

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honeypirate · 3 years

Text

bestie bestie bakugou

Bakugou and fem!reader, best friends, roommates, loveeee

Warning - swears, mentions of sex

You were walking around the city for hours now, you left the apartment just before sundown and now it’s raining and you think you see the light from the sun turning the clouds lighter on the horizon. You came home after a long day of work, of fighting a villain, of almost not making it back this time, to find your boyfriend, who you didnt even live with mind you, fucking someone else on your bed. You didn’t say anything, you just walked out, quietly, he didn’t even notice.

The buzzing in your hand caught your attention, making you aware of the heaviness of something in your palm, you raise it to see and then remember it’s your phone. The action causes it to wake up, showing your notifications, 50 missed calls from him and almost as many texts and double the amount of calls and texts from your two best friends

The screen catches the water from the rain as it flows down the surface, you try to unlock your phone, a sudden urge to not be alone hitting you, but your thumb was too cold and wet to unlock with the fingerprint. You go to press in the buttons but the screen doesnt recognize your fingers either, you’re starting to panic, to hyperventilate when the screen lights up, you relax seeing the name pop up and try to answer but you were shaking so much, you brought the phone to your lips, sticking your tongue out to click the green button.

“Fucking bastard is going to die” he says as he wraps you in a towel, pulling you to his chest, “y/n im so sorry. You’re staying here with me for now on, i’ll go to your place tomorrow and get some of your things and get your key back from that fucker.” he was pissed, fuming, you haven't seen him this mad since high school “Katsuki i couldn't possibly put you out” he holds his finger to your lips “shut up, im insisting, plus this place is too big for just me” you chuckle through the shivers that are now finding your body, your skin and bones finally reacting to the cold as your body shakes uncontrollably. “T-t-thank you K-Kacchan” he sighs and takes your hand, pulling you with him down the hall to the bathroom.

After a really nice shower, you exit his big ass fancy shower that was really more like a spaceship, you had to use a step stool to get inside it. It had multiple different heads, a steam option, and could even convert into a jacuzzi, if only you didn’t feel like a bath was too close to being a ‘you’ flavored soup.

You find a change of clothes for you waiting on his bed, a pair of his sweats and one of his shirts, you brought them to your nose, taking a deep breath. They smelled like downey, the yellow kind your parents used to use, it smelt comforting. You slip on his clothes and feel like you’re getting a hug from him.

When you make it back to the kitchen you have the shivers again, your wet hair making your back wet. He takes one look at you, arms hugged around your body, and he throws you over his shoulder and takes you right back to his room. He sets you down on the bed and then takes a hold of his hood and pulls his hoodie off, shoving it down over your head. “I’m making you some tea and then you are going to talk to me more if you feel like it okay?” you nod with a small smile as you pop your arms through the sleeves.

Its been six months, Bakugou has helped you heal through your pain, he got you some things from your apartment and got your key back. He also officially, and with pleasure, told your ex to fuck off, that it was over and to never contact you again, with too many threats to count. He really enjoyed it and wanted to do it for a long time but he’d never tell you that. You cut your ex out of your life, easily letting him go because if you caught him cheating once who knows how long he did it, you were 100% okay with never seeing him again, the hard part was waiting for the feelings to go away, to rid yourself of the habit that was your ex.

You tried to go back to your apartment after a few weeks, it was fine for the most part, you found a completely new bed in your room courtesy of Bakugou and although he denies it wholeheartedly you know no one else would have done that,... but after a few days you called Bakugou, telling him that it just felt empty and that it didn’t feel like your home anymore, he invited you to move in immediately and you never looked back.

Your new bed and all the furniture you didn't sell sit proudly in the spacious spare bedroom at Bakugous apartment. He was right, this apartment was way too big for one person.

Bakugou had girls over periodically and you didn’t mind them at first, you even made them breakfast sometimes, on the off chance Bakugou slept late and didn’t kick them out immediately. He’s never liked the morning after, the girls he has dated were just to fill the hole in his soul made by the feelings he has developed for you. He’s trying to find one that makes him feel as electric as you make him feel.

After a month of random girls you start to notice yourself resenting the girls you hear him with, the way they fake moan in the bedroom, loudly just so you will hear and then they will give you evil stares as they walk out in the morning. You asked Yao-Momo for some advice once, calling her after you hear another loud girl as you went to the kitchen for some ice cream, losing your appetite you left the ice cream on the counter and just left the kitchen (just eyerolling when he tried to give you shit about it) . “just ask him to stop” you sigh “I cant do that. I dont want to cause him any trouble. I just dont know why he has to go for girls like that” you fake throw up and she laughs “y/n do you think you like bakugou?” she asks and you gasp “of course not! He’s my best friend! And hes bakugou! I couldnt possibly…” you pause for a while as you think, were you really discovering feelings for the blasty explosion boy? This was such a rub. She just laughs at you from over the phone “unclench your jaw y/n. Dont be so tense” you realize shes right as you release your teeth, relaxing your face and jaw “you know me so well” you say with a laugh “of course i do. I’m your real best friend. Not some ill tempered boy. If you like him great, tell him and he’ll stop fucking randoms or if you dont like him tell him to stop fucking randoms so loud” you laugh “so wise Yao-momo, me lovely sensei Yao-Momo” she laughs at you before you guys have to hang up, both having work in the morning.

After the next few days you realized just how in love you were with him, getting more and more annoyed with the girls he brought home, not even noticing that they were showing up less and less, pretty soon the random girls have stopped coming over all together, not that you knew that, you still heard what seemed to be sex noises from his room every once in a while, you just assumed he kicked them out right after, not that he was thinking about you and … you know wink wink

Another six months later you’re with him on a mission, the villains just keep coming wave after wave, a quirk controlling their (dead before you even came around) bodies, it was never ending, if you stopped fighting they would kill you and you didn’t know who the villain was or where they were. You had your agencies looking for them and until then you had to fight, to keep these bodies occupied so they didn't bring chaos anywhere else. You didn’t talk during the fighting but you both were paying more attention to making sure that the other was fine that you ended up just fighting the villains going after each other. When you get home, battered, bruised, and covered in sweat and blood and many tears, you each take turns showering in his amazing shower, you couldn't use a normal shower for your sore muscles.

You made a meal for you both quietly as he showered, too tired to speak or do more than was required, when he came to find you he almost cried with relief at your home cooked meal, he was starving. You ate together in silence, both reflecting on the battle, both reliving every moment where you almost lost the other, where you almost lost the fight, feeling more and more anxious the more you thought about it. What would you have done without him? You didnt want to lose him and regret never telling him, but you know you are way to exhausted to speak.

You stare at each other in the hallway, both wanting to say something, to not leave each other yet. You turn to go and he grabs your hand, pulling you with him into his room before climbing in bed and pulling you along with him down into his soft comfortable bed, he pulls you to his chest and you feel all your stress and anxiety leave your body. He kisses the back of your head “I love you” he whispers into your hair, the only energy he has left. You turn in his arms to look at him and see his eyes blink slowly, he can hardly hold them open anymore. You smile softly “I love you” you whisper back and he sighs, a happy smile on his lips as he lets his eyes close “good” he says and you chuckle, your eyes closing as you lean forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before allowing yourself to fall asleep, the feeling of his arm around you and the sound of his soft breaths comforting you.

#mha #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha katsuki #bakugou katsuki fanfiction #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #katsuki x reader #katsuki x y/n #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo

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bangchanshehe · 3 years

Text

The Only One pt.4

You and your life long best friend Chanyeol were like the same person. You knew everything about one another, and whatever problems you had you faced it together. But what are you supposed to do when you discover that your best friend loves you so much that only he can be important to you, and would go to great lengths to make sure that he was the only one? Yandere!AU

Chanyeol X OC

Word count: 2k

Jongin had let out a nervous laugh as he continued to get stared down by Chanyeol. But as Chan stared Jongin down you looked at his face with complete shock.

“he’s kidding” you said trying to alleviate the mood that had suddenly turned so cold

“no, I’m not” Chanyeol replied but now he was staring straight at you.

You had stared back at him with your eyebrows pursed and shock and confusion written all over your face. you had no idea where to even direct the flow of conversation from here on, but for now all you could do was drop it and move on. Matter of a fact… you should move on from this whole night.

“you know what” you started looking up to Jongin to give him an apologetic grin “I’m really sorry but I’m starting to feel really tired and I’ve got a little bit of a headache.” You didn’t wait for anyone to speak up or say anything as you began to pack up all of your things in your bag. “I think I’m gonna take off for now. see you tomorrow!” you said to Jongin

He stared up at you confused and concerned “wait!” he called out to you and you only turned your body slightly to face him “what about today’s lecture notes?” he asked

You let out a sigh before responding “I’ll get a picture of them tomorrow.”

Jongin nodded his head and gave you a small blank smile “goodnight. And feel better!”

You smiled a fake grin one more time before you walked out of the restaurant and on the path to get back to your apartment.

While you walked your mind kept replaying Chanyeol saying that he liked you. And you couldn’t help but feel a pain in your chest and a mixture of emotions all at once. Sure, there was a small part of you that was more than excited that Chanyeol had shared feelings for you that you had once had. But those feelings were buried deeply inside of you and you wanted to keep them down at bay… it was the only way that the two of you could keep things from falling apart. Or maybe he was genuinely only saying those things so that he could drive a further wedge between you and Jongin….

Jongin… why would he do this to me? You thought to yourself. He was admired all over campus and women quite literally threw themselves at him so you had no reason to believe that he could be capable of doing something like this. And if he really wanted someone he could have his pick of anyone on campus. So why would he result to using such evil and malicious tactics to take advantage of someone?

You sat down on a park bench so you could take a few breaths and calm down before you began on your talk home again. There was at least another mile in between you and the safety of your apartment, and you wished now more than ever that you had a car, or at least a bike.

What would happen to you if you had been feeling serious side affects of whatever Jongin had put in your drink? Would you end up asleep on campus somewhere? Or would someone else take advantage of you In such a vulnerable state? Just the thought of what could have happened caused shivers to run up your spine and tears to spring to your eyes.

You were reaching up to wipe the tears before they could fall from your eyes when you felt the firm grip of a hand on your shoulder. The sudden contact had caused you to quickly turn to the side and look up to see who had startled you. And you let out a half satisfied sigh when you saw the familiar face of Chanyeol looking down at you.

“are you okay?” he asked panting like he had been running for miles.

You didn’t say anything to his question but nodded your head and let it hang in exhaustion. Chanyeol had walked around the bench and sat by your side, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and holding you close to his side. He looked at your face and let out a deep sigh.

“no, you aren’t.” he took your hand into his and he traced small circles into your palm with his thumb “look at me”

Slowly you had turned your face towards him at his request and you could see in his eyes that he was really concerned about you. Feeling so small and disappointed you let the tears run down your face. Chanyeol eagerly wiped them away and pushed your hair out of your face.

“don’t cry…. Don’t cry.” He cooed “I’m here. I’m gonna take care of you” he said softly before he pulled your frame into his chest to give you a warm hug.

The two of you sat there for a minute while you cried and Chanyeol did his best to comfort you. You had so many emotions running rampantly through you at once and you didn’t know how to deal with them other than allow for them to flow out with your tears.

You knew that you would eventually need to deal with what all was said and done tonight, but for now the most important thing was for you to get home safely. You had taken a few deep breaths to calm down your breathing and stop your tears. And as soon as you could think calmly again you sat up and gave Chanyeol and appreciative small smile.

He in return gave you a small smile back before he stood up and held his hand out to you. You glanced at it for a moment before you took it and stood with him at his side.

“come on. Let’s get you home.” He said softly before he guided you hand in hand back to your apartment.

The entire time that the two of you walked together you held complete silence. There was no exchange of words and instead you let the subtle sound of the breeze against the trees and the crickets fill up your mind.

And as the two of you approached your apartment you halted your steps forcing Chanyeol to stop and turn to face you. You weren’t sure why, but you felt like if he were to follow you inside then things would change. for some reason it felt like allowing him to go in with you would be a confirmation of sorts, and you weren’t ready to deal with the consequences.

“what’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked you slightly concerned.

You shook your head and gave him a small polite smile “nothing, I just want to be alone right now” you said quietly

“I cant go home!” Chanyeol said in a quiet hushed tone “that guy knows where you live. What if he comes back?” he exclaimed “or what if you end up getting sick from whatever he put in your drink!”

You wanted to Immediately turn him down so you could have some alone time to think before you had to face both him and Jongin once more…. But the longer that you thought about it the more you believed that it would be safer to stay together. Especially after seeing the podcast update about a girl who’s apartment got broken into.

You looked at Chanyeol in the eyes and you could see how in distress he was. Right now it didn’t matter if Chanyeol liked you or not, he simply wanted to take care of you and make sure that you were okay. Plus, if he did he had at least respected you enough to not take advantage of you last night so there was really no reason to feel suspicious about him.

“okay” you whispered and Chanyeol responded with a smile

The two of you quietly went up stairs and the moment that you were inside of your apartment you were hyperaware of all of his moves. You watched as he made himself comfortable by getting a glass of water from the tap and then sat down in front of your tv to turn on Netflix.

You decided that you needed some time and space so you quietly took off to go to your bathroom to shower. As you stripped down and allowed yourself to soak under the hot, cascading water you thought about where things were going to go from here on.

Surely you couldn’t be friends with Jongin anymore or even act like everything was okay. Dropping the class was not an option. You were already so far into the semester and your grades were way too good to give up at this point. And your mom would kill you If you told her that you needed to drop a course. Giving up was simply not an option. Plus if you had told your mom that something like this had happened to you on campus she would have raised hell and completely removed you from this college all together.

you had let out a loud groan and ran your hands through your hair, exasperated that you had to deal with something like this, and yet so very very thankful that nothing was taken any farther.

“are you okay?!” Chanyeol asked busting through the bathroom door.

“fuck you scared me!” you yelled back

You were completely caught off guard by Chanyeol barging through the door that the sound immediately had you clutching at your chest and left your heart pounding.

“sorry.” Chanyeol said softly “are you okay though?”

“yeah” you mumbled back “I’m just thinking about things”

“okay, ill be outside”

“wait…” you called out and closed your eyes before you continued “channie….”

“yeah?” he asked

“what you said at the restaurant…. Did you mean that?” you asked him and waited what felt like lifetimes before you finally got a response back

“about me liking you?” he asked back in what could barely be heard.

You didn’t respond to him and instead waited quietly for any sort of response. And you were scared of that question itself. You were halfway scared to even hear what his answer would be. Because a part of you wanted to only remain friends so that you would always have each other forever. And the other part of you loved the idea of being able to be with Chanyeol as a real couple instead of daydreaming about it like you had for years.

“of course I like you….” He said like a groan “you are the most amazing and beautiful woman that I know. But I would never do anything to damage our friendship…which Is why I kept it a secret for so long.”

You had remained silent and you could only hear the shower as it hit the bottom of the shower floor and the pounding in your heart. You had a million questions for him and a thousand things to say, but you couldn’t find the words to speak.

“if me confessing to you is going to change things and make everything awkward then just forget that I even said anything…. Because I would rather be friends with you than not have you at all” Chanyeol said before he walked out of the bathroom.

By the time that you had finished your shower you had walked out to see that Chanyeol was lying down on your couch with a pillow and a blanket, and the lights turned off. And instead of bothering to check if he was really asleep or not you continued to bed. Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day for you and Chanyeol both. But only time could tell.

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simpsiren · 3 years

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lee taeyong x reader

“my baby dont like it when you come around”

description. a new guy in college asks you for help to get rid of his girlfriend and slowly falls for you instead through your heated times with him.

genre. ANGST, college au, cheating au, bold/ arrogant reader x shy taeyong

warnings. none? except for the fact that this basically about cheating and having strong emotional tensions with each other, slighty suggestive

a/n. hihii i always thought of doing a ff about their baby dont like it song because its been in my head for so long HAHA also the lyrics are just uHem but yeah so anyways buckle up because theres going to be a lot of angst and tensionn also i didnt notice that i wrote so much like damn aNywAys enjoyy!

you walk into class lazily, expecting the same thing to happen again. as you step into the lecture hall, your eyes immediately went to your seat. you sigh and push you glasses up before walking over.

“i swear when will people stop doing this?” you mutter to yourself, shoving all the gifts off your table, making it all drop to the ground and producing a loud noise. everyone’s eyes are being drawn to your direction. you roll your eyes as mark takes his usual seat beside you.

“that’s the most you got this week.” mark laughs in disbelief, looking down onto the floor. you flash a fake smile at him, making him laugh even more. “its so annoying. none of them even look good.” your eyes scan through the gifts on the floor, seeing one that actually looks decent. you pick it up and examine it closely. mark gets near you and does the same.

“ill keep this one. looks expensive.” you shrug, shoving the expensive looking silver necklace into your bag. mark scoffs, letting his body sink into his seat. “i love the fact that you only care about the value of the gift.”

you click your tongue and stand up, proceeding to pick up all the useless gifts you received from the random guys on campus and walking over to the trash can, throwing it all away. you hear gasps and mutters around the lecture hall. you clearly couldnt care less, walking back, taking your seat and bringing out your materials.

“it cant be helped that youre the most beautiful one around here.”

“you think i dont know that? people do know that they shouldnt mess with me right? yet i need to keep up with unknown admirers and random texts of confession.” you let out a long sigh, as you rest your chin on the palm of your head, leaning onto the table.

“you admit youre beautiful. your confidence is truly amazing.” mark comments. you kept your eyes to the front as you watch your professor walk in, along with a new guy you’ve never seen before. your eyes remained on the guy, watching him climb up the stairs and walking to the seat next to you.

your attention changes to the professor as she starts talking. but your ears immediately diverted its attention to somewhere else, particularly to the guy next to you.

“why did you seat next to her? do you know how dangerous that is?” you hear the girl sitting behind him whisper. its no doubt that she purposely whispered loud enough for you to hear, wanting to make your blood boil. you ket your cool and focused on the lecture, taking notes accordingly.

“how so?”

“she’s hard to talk to. she only had mark as her friend and she gets pissed easily. her temper is the worst around here and she’s the most feared. a lot of guys like her for some reason and-”

“are you done, sweetie?” you lick your bottom lip as you turned around the face the girl. you hear mark hiding his laugh with a cough. “if you are, i really suggest you shut your mouth before i sew it shut for you.” your eyes glared at hers, staring at her intensively. you knew that it scared her when she immediately looks away. you chuckle in amusement before turning back to the front.

you look to the side, to see the guy’s eyes opened wide, with an eyebrow raised. you smile softly.

“lee taeyong.” you whisper, reading off the keychain attached to his pencil case, nodding your head before paying attention to the lecture again. the guy coughs softly and faced forward as well.

the lecture was now over and you start to pack up. you take your time since you know that it would be hectic to get through the large crowd of students who are also exiting as well as being able to avoid bumping into any guys and have them confess their useless affection towards you.

you were however intrigued to find out what’s going on outside when you hear someone whispering about the fact that there’s an extremely pretty girl waiting outside the campus.

by then, only you and mark were in the lecture hall. you figured it would be a good time to step out and find out the reason behind all the talking outside.

as you and mark walk down the hallway to the entrance, you tilt your head as you see a crowd forming at the gate. you sigh, taking off your glasses and rubbing your temples. “how the fuck are we suppose to get out?” you turn to mark with your eyebrows furrowed.

“im sure they’ll move aside once you come in.” mark places his hand on your shoulder and taps it lightly before walking forward towards the huge crowd with full confidence. you swear you can burst any minute as the the mumbles of the people fill your ears even more as you walk closer.

the moment one person makes eye contact with you. their eyes widened and signal their friends to quiet down. eventually, the noise starts to lower down as you made you way through the crowd. eyes were glued on you as you follow behind mark. you swiftly clean your glasses with the cloth in your pocket and put them back on.

as your vision starts to become clear, you notice that the one standing beside the girl is the lee taeyong guy from ealier. you walk over to them immediately.

you turn your head slightly to the back, signalling everyone to get back to what they were doing, and as always, they obey and the crowd dispersed itself. you look back to the front to where the cause of the nuisance started.

you eyed the girl intensively, looking up and down, observing every inch of her. you had to admit, she is quite the beauty. perfect wavy brown hair, almond shaped eyes, nicely drawn eyebrowa and plump pink lips. her body in the black tight fitting dress is amazing. it curved her body in all the right places.

you look up to see taeyong and the girl looking back at you with a raised brow. you faked a wide smile. “i dont think its wise to meet your boyfriend right at the gates of school.. especially when you’re this pretty. id fuck you.” you lick your lips teasingly and chuckle soon after.

“bitch the fuck?” mark whispers. you let out a loud, cunning laugh. “or perhaps...”

your eyes immediately connected with taeyong’s. you saw the fear yet a tint of interest in his eyes. you liked it. as you walk past the couple, you run your hand down taeyong’s chest. taeyong freezes as the girl’s mouth gape open, pulling taeyong away instantly with her arm around his waist. “id fuck your boyfriend.”

your head jerks toward taeyong as you whisper into his ear, but loudly enough for the girl to hear. with that, you wink at the both of them and walk off. mark smiles kindly before following behind you.

“that was... wow.” mark says to you, taking out his phone from his back pocket. you sigh, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.

“honestly who is dumb enough to meet their significant other just outside campus? they should be taught a lesson. and to think that taeyong guy is new.”

“his name is taeyong?”

you nod. mark nods back in reply as the two of you walk ahead to the small secluded cafe shop nearby where the two of you would usually hang out.

“i really hope i dont see him on friday. does he look like he’s the kind to skip lecture?” you ask, taking a sip of your tea while mark drinks his coffee.

mark shrugs, laying his back against the chair. “i dont think so? he has that ‘bad boy but obedient’ vibes.” you eyebrows furrow, but you slowly nod your head as you start to understand his view of taeyong.

“well i hope he wont let his girlfriend and him cause such commotion again. it took us so long to get out.” you whine, looking at the time on your phone. “we fucking got out like 30 minutes after! you know how much i hate getting off campus late.”

mark chuckles, running his hand through his hair. “we know, sweetie. we know.”

“dont call me that i swear-”

“suckass.”

“bitch.”

the two of you laugh happily and take a sip of your drinks at the same time before discussing about today’s lecture.

friday comes and you see the gifts placed neatly on your table yet again. you roll your eyes and slouch into your seat. you are now too tired to even throw away the gifts and you give up doing so.

more people soon start to fill the seats of the lecture hall. when the professor walks in, you notice that the seat beside you is empty. you purse your lips into a thin line and shrug your shoulders, thinking that taeyong isnt going to come today.

“taeyong. its only your second day yet you’re already late.” your head lifts up from your table to see taeyong standing by the door. you rest your chin on the palm on your hand as you were intrigued by him again like the first time you saw him on wednesday. why? you dont even know yourself.

taeyong rushes in and sits down next to you. what surprised you is the fact that the same girl is standing outside. the murmurs and whispers come again. you swear you can get a headache from it.

you see her blowing a kiss to taeyong, making everyone shout and fangirl over her before she leaves and the hall is back to being silent. you turn your head to taeyong, who immediately look back at you.

“is she that crazy over you?” you ask, taking out your pen and beginning writing notes. “yeah. but i fucking hate it.” taeyong replies. you chuckle lowly as your eyes remain on the projector yet you could see taeyong blinking his eyes, as if you had an effect on him.

“she seems rich. you’re after her money, arent you?”

“it’s because i cant get away from her parents.”

“hm its also for the money. i can tell.” you look down at his outfit, a lot of it are designer and authentic clothing items. you laugh softly with amusement.

“why are people scared of you?” your eyes immediately darkens and you slowly turn your head to face taeyong, staring down at him. taeyong sucks air into his cheeks and glances somewhere else. laughing quietly at his reaction, you smile softly.

“let’s just say i have a bad reputation. yet im popular for some reason. its seriously annoying.”

taeyong looks down at the gifts that you have thrown off your table. “i can tell. you seem bold and intimidating.”

you take out your phone to scroll through your social medias in boredom. “bold and intimidating huh? you’re an interesting one. i like it.” you glance at the clock when you hear people starting to pack up. you too start to pack up as well.

taeyong is still seated on his seat, writing down the notes he missed from talking to you. you figured that he couldn’t multitask like you. before you stand up to get out of the hall you turn to taeyong. again it looked like his senses were all heightened and he’s being wary of you.

you got closer to him, faces inches apart. he didn’t move at all. his eyes still on you. you smirk softly, licking your bottom lip as you eyed him narrowly like looking at a delicious candy.

“looks like you arent intimidated by me. i like you.” you whispers softly, laughing loudly as you see mark waiting for you at the door. you quickly got up and went to mark. as the two of you exited the hall, you look back to taeyong. he’s still glued to his seat, not moving, his mouth gaping open slightly.

“oi let’s go.” you hear mark shout as you notice him already walking away. you smirk widely and follow behind mark.

“im sorry what?”

“let me cheat on her with you.”

“no.”

you glare at taeyong as you take a bite from your meal. you and taeyong are having lunch on campus together and it never fails to have eyes glued onto you whenever you’re with taeyong. you’re only option is to hang out with tayeong since mark didnt come today. you have yet to ask him why.

“come on please! if she sees me with someone like you she’ll be too scared to get near me then i can finally break up with her.” taeyong whines, grabbing your cup of iced tea and taking a sip.

“protect your reputation, taeyong. look around. you being with me is already giving people a bad impression of you.” taeyong does what you say, looking around and realising that a lot of people were staring at you two. he turns back to find you picking on your food.

“you’re the only one i know around here. itll only be until me and her break.”

you eyes trailed up from your food to meet taeyong’s. you put your fork down and sat up straight, tilting your head slightly. “what’s in it for me?” people around you know very well that wouldnt do something without getting something back in return. it didnt take taeyong long to know that due to the constant whispers about you around campus.

“ill let you have the money she gives me?” taeyong says nervously. you click your tongue. you were definitely intrigued when taeyong says the word ‘money’. taeyong smiles sheepishly as he waits for your answer.

“ill do it.” taeyong’s face lits up in an instant. you however were smiling devilishly, looking down at your prey. “get ready though. im not an easy one.”

taeyong blinks his eyes rapidly. his eyes definitely says he’s intimidated. but his body says otherwise, looking calm and composed.

“i know. itll be fun.” your eyes widen slightly as you see taeyong smirking under his soft smile. you raise your eyebrows and chuckle in amusement.

“oh im sure it will, ty.”

“you sure that’ll work?” you roll your eyes and rub your temples. you lost count of how many times you have tried to explain the plan to taeyong.

“you said she comes here to have coffee before she picks you up right? she doesnt know we ended early today so we’ll probably run into her. then i’ll just flirt with you or something. just follow my lead.” taeyong nods slowly.

you shrug your shoulders and let your body sink into the comfortable seat. you and taeyong are at a pretty high class cafe and it felt good to drink some quality tea instead of the cheap ones you have to put up with living as a broke college student.

you drink your tea as you eyed taeyong. he looks anxious, constantly looking out the window and sucking his draw despite his cup already being empty. you groan to catch taeyong’s attention. “you need to chill. have you never flirt with anyone before?” taeyong shakes his head, biting his straw. you gape your mouth and clap your hands.

“no way! you’re good looking. you cant tell me that snobby girl is the only one you ever dated.”

“she is.”

you choked on your drink, proceeding you laugh hysterically. taeyong furrows his eyebrow. “you better find a better girlfriend once you break up with her ty.” taeyong frowns, running his hand through his silk soft-looking hair. “im not interested in dating.” taeyong mumbles. you only hum in response.

looking up from taeyong, you see the girl walking down the street, about to enter the cafe. you tapped taeyong’s hand quickly, making him flinch.

“okay she’s coming, act natural. like how we are now.”

“wait what i-”

you immediately peck his lips to shut him up. taeyong widens his eyes in shock, his body completely frozen at your touch. you smirked widely as you see the girl standing outside, with her eyes filled with anger and her hand clenching into fists tightly. you chuckle in an evil manner. “her she comes.” you whisper in a sing-song tone.

taeyong looks straight at the door as she finally steps into the cafe and stomps over to your table. you smile widely, putting in your innocent act.

“who’s she, tae?” taeyong doesn’t reply, looking at you. you raise both your eyebrows and roll your eyes. slowly, your fingers crawl up to taeyong’s hand on the table, touching his fingers as you jerked your head to her.

“a friend.” taeyong replies simply.

she scoffs. you ran your hand through your hair. “and why are you guys here?”

you click your tongue and chuckle lowly. you look at her, noticing that she’s eyeing you like a prey. clearly she’s jealous right now. with her arms crossed and eyes. you knew.

“we finished quite early actually. you dont mind me hanging out with him, do you? im sure you know he’s new and im his only friend.” you say softly, turning to taeyong and biting your lip seductively. a smirk slowly creeped up taeyong’s mouth. you’re surprised that he suddenly looks confident rather than the first time you two met when he was looking all intimidated and nervous around you.

“yeah, its true.” taeyong winks playfully at you. you only hum in response before looking up to the girl. she furrows her eyebrows in anger.

“hm you wanna hang out with him, right? alright ill leave.” you stand up and shove your phone into your back pocket. as you walk past behind taeyong, you bend down beside him and got close to his ear, acting as if you were whispering something as you stared at the girl. oh the look on her face. you laugh inside your head. you stand up straight and ran your fingers seductively behind taeyong’s shoulders before exiting the cafe. you could have sworn that you heard her growling under her breathe.

“you should have seen the look on her face!” you laugh crazily, slamming your hand against your thigh and taking another sip of mark’s drink. you were too lazy to buy your own.

“man why didn’t you tell me all this before?! i would have followed you guys and watch the shit go down.” mark whines. you grin widely and shake your head.

“im so sorryy.” you take in deep breathes to calm yourself down.

“taeyong must have been surprised when he sees you go into that mode. i remember the first time you helped me get my parents to not force me to be in relationships after they knew im “dating” someone like you.” mark chuckles.

“well he was shocked at first. but he surprisingly acted well.”

mark nods his head. you sigh as you look around the campus and you see taeyong walking with his headphones on. you smile softly.

“if you’ll excuse me, ill put on my ‘cheating’ role now and go to taeyong. text me alright!” you stand up from your seat and did you signature handshake with mark before speeding over to where taeyong was.

your hand loops around his arm as you pull him close. taeyonh flinches but relaxes when he notice it’s you. “so how did she react?” you ask, walking happily.

taeyong shrugs and takes off his earpiece, unplugging it from his phone and shoving it into his tote bag. “she was definitely jealous. she gave me a lecture on how i shouldnt be with you cuz you looked like a bitch.” you gasp sarcastically, placing your hand on your chest as you gaped your mouth widely. taeyong chuckles at your reaction.

“a bitch? what about her? tsk..” you roll your eyes.

“i can safely assure you that you’re way better than her.” you laugh in response.

“of course i am.” you wink at taeyong. “also what’s her name? you never told me.”

“soyoung. oh by the way.” taeyong stops in his tracks. you stop as well and let your arm off taeyong’s. taeyong digs into his tote bag. after awhile, he pulls out money. you smile almost immediately.

“she gave it to me. in a way to bribe me not to hang out with you.” you lean forward and snatch the money away and counted it. and boy was it a lot of money.

“she’d pay this much for you to stay away from me? she really is a bitch.” you slid the money into your wallet.

“too bad though. she’ll be seeing me with you more often.” you start to walk forward, but you stop and turn your head back. taeyong was standing still and staring at you. you see him snap out of hid thoughts and shake his head before walking towards you.

“sorry about that. let’s go.” you only shrug your shoulders as the two of you walk out of campus.

“you’re meeting her this sunday?” taeyong nods. you look around taeyong’s apartment. it wasnt big, big enough for two people but he’s the only one lving here. the decor is simple and he place doesn’t look messy. you figured it suited him well.

“we’ll be together before you’re suppose to meet her and have her see us together.”

taeyong widens his eyes and tilts his head. “that’ll be intense.” you raise an eyebrow and chuckle.

“isnt that what cheating is all about, ty?” you shake your head, acting disappointed. you hear him let out a ‘tsk’. you laugh.

“all right. looks like you’re taking me out sunday night. ill dress up.”

“dont you always dress up? your outfits upstages everyone when i see you on campus.”

you peck taeyong’s cheek playfully. taeyong jumps back at your sudden move. you smiled widely.

“you know i always look good.”

you suddenly feel taeyong pulling you and placing you on his lap. you tilt your head in confusion. “what’s this?”

taeyong’s breathing slows down as his eyes glaze your face intensively, as if admiring every inch of it.

“sounds weird but i find you very fucking hot.. its irresistible.” taeyong whispers, raising his hand to twirl a section of your hair around his fingers.

“oh and please book me a grab home. im heading out now so text me aites.” you stand up from the couch and wave to taeyong before leaving his apartment and closing the door.

as you were waiting for taeyong to pick you up on his motorbike, you look down at your outfit. you’re wearing a really short grey pleated skirt with a white lace bralette and a oversized checkered blazer as an outerwear. you don’t usually wear skirts often, but you did need to play the part of being revealing so as to “attract” taeyong’s attention. you put the quotations on attract but you dont even know if taeyong would be attracted or not. you slightly hoped that he would for some reason.

you see a motorbike coming to a halt. you walk towards it as taeyong gets off. he takes off his helmet, ruffling his hair as he went to the trunk. you blink your eyes rapidly as you’ve never seen taeyong look this good. you snap out of your thoughts when taeyong passed you your helmet. the both of you wear the helmets at the same time as you give way for taeyong to get on the bike. after adjusting a little, taeyong jerks his head to gesture you to get on.

“sit properly if you dont want guys staring at your exposed thighs.” taeyong says, his voice being muffled by the shield of helmet. you pull your down your skirt slightly and rest your hand on your thighs, waiting for him to take off, but he doesn’t.

“put your hands somewhere else. it’s dangerous.”

“ouh right right..” you look at your sides to find any handles to hold onto but there weren’t any. you stare down at his back. shurgging, you wrap your arms around his waist and interlock your fingers togther. taeyong turns his head to you and looks forward before starting the mottorbike and driving. you dont even know where you’re headed but oh well.

after a drive of about 20 minutes, you finally feel the motorbike stop. you look beside you and notice there was a restaurant. a very high class one. you gap your mouth open in disbelief as you get off the bike and take off your helmet.

“you have dates to these places often?” you turn around to face taeyong who sighs and gets close to you to take your helmet, nodding slowly.

you scoff, your eyes scanning the entrance of the place up and down. you feel taeyong’s hand snake around your waist. “let’s not go inside yet.” you raise an eyebrow.

“then where are we going?”

taeyong leads you to the entrance of the restaurant, where there are benches aligned. you nod your head once taeyong take a seat on the bench and sit doen beside him.

“the place is secluded so id normally see people making out around here.” taeyong comments, glancing at his phone to check the time.

“well there’s a bar a few blocks down so i guess that’s why.” you only nod in response, looking in front as you watch the cars drive by. it made you think of one thing. “wait what does her car look like-“

taeyong swiftly wraps his arm around your waist and pull you on his lap. you blink at him as he jerks his head to the back of you. you assume that she arrived. you arch your back and let your hair flow down on one shoulder before wrapping your hands around his neck and pulling him into a deep kiss. taeyong’s grip on your waist tightens as you ran you hand through his hair and tilt your head to deepen the kiss even more. you felt taeyong’s hand roaming from your waist to your thigh, going up and down slowly.

for some reason, you were enjoying it. his lips on yours. you felt his hunger, neediness for you as he held you close as if to claim you’re his. you felt the same nonetheless. you liked it a lot. the two of you knew very well that this isnt acting anymore. it was real. the heat and needy tension. you didnt feel such a thing in a long time.

you suddenly flinch when you felt a hand on your shoulder, pushing you off taeyong’s lap. you turn around. “oh look who’s here! its soyoung.”

“the fuck did i just saw you doing with taeyong?” soyoung pushes you back further.

“i was about to have dinner with taeyong here.. but id figure it would be better to get free appetisers instead of having to pay for one.” you say confidently, brushing your thumb over you bottom lip as your eyes stared into hers.

soyoung scoffs and folds her arms. she looks down at your outfit. “you’ve been trying to seduce taeyong from the very start.” soyoung mutters under her breathe. you tilt your head as you grin widely.

“of course that’s what i’ve been doing idiot. taeyong really enjoys being with me though.” you turn your head to taeyong who was smirking widely and eyeing your outfit hungrily.

soyoung rubs her temples. with no words coming out her mouth, she turn away and walks to her car, getting into the driver’s seat and driving off. you slowly turn your head to taeyong who’s mouth is wide open. you laugh hysterically.

“oh my fucking god that was awesome!” you shout, clapping as you sit back down beside taeyong. taeyong smiles widely. “you really do have it in you.” taeyong compliments. you nudge his arm. “if you say you underestimated me i will beat you up.”

“please do. ruin me. every single moment i spend with you makes me fall and want you more. i love the dangerous side of you,”

166 notes · View notes

is-that-another-soulmate-au · 4 years

Text

Alright let's try this Soulmate body switch AU I'm also attempting this whole "make a tag" thing... bare with me, ive only actually used this app for like 4 days now im gonna go with "RayMakesSoulmates" for now... uhm, idk what else to go with uhhhhh yeah, names Ray btw...

Okay here we go. The idea of switching bodies is something a bit strange to me so let me make this work for me.

Basically it happens once a year after you either turn 17 or meet your soulmate. If its the latter then there has to be alot of turmoil and confusion on one side to trigger the first switch because it does not happen at the first encounter. However after the first encounter you'll sometimes have little blurry dreams that are in fact core memories of your soulmate. But theyre always too blurry to point out who's involved and sounds are too muffled to pin point any specific noises words or what have you.

Now, the dreams don't happen every night but they happen often enough that you are made aware that you have met your soulmate at some point recently.

So after Zuko visits the south and they begin their cat and mouse game around the world Zuko often has blurry dreams of white with black falling what he thinks is people screaming and what he knows is muffled crying. While Sokka has random dreams of what he thinks is someone moving away into the darkness and someone screaming out to them but he can't figure out what they're saying. Another dream he has is a blurry glow of bright blue and crying. There's also one that shows up more often than the other two, its when he sees what he believes is someone moving towards him saying something, but its muffled, then a bright light and muffled screaming and crying.

However after Ba Sing Se Sokka has a dream that's clear and vivid, not muffled and not blurry. After he takes a moment from shooting up to a sitting position he realizes that this is not a dream, he's switched bodies. Standing up and moving the blankets off of him he looks around and sees the there are fire nation items everywhere, it looks like he's in a royal bedroom. He elects to keep calm as he moves towards where he thinks is a bathroom, he is correct and when he looks into the mirror he freezes. His heart drops into his stomach. Sokka can hardly believe what he's looking at. Staring back at him is not his face, but Zuko's. He reaches up to touch the scar on Zuko's face. While yes he has control over his body and he doesn't exactly know how to act 'firenation' let alone 'fire nation royalty' he stands straight. "This won't last longer than 3 hours." He reminds himself

"What won't last longer than three hours?" Azula's voice breaks through

Instantly on edge and irritated Sokka- ahem Zuko turns to Azula "what do you want Azula?" He says in a voice thats much less irritated, theyre siblings right? So they have to be chummy right

"Oo! You sound so much less angry!" She muses "disgusting, anyways, Mai wanted me to let you know she's leaving today"

Why would he care about that? Oh they must be friends? Maybe they're dating? Okay, don't screw this up "uh, okay"

"Aw don't be so sad Zuzu~ you two would have never worked out anyways, her and Ty Lee switched bodies just three days ago. It was honestly was kind of amusing watching her string you along" This is not how siblings normally talk to eachother. He just glared at Azula "alright alright sheesh, ill leave you alone" he found something to write on and quickly jotted down the conversation because if he was given that information Zuko would need it.

Meanwhile Zuko shot awake and found himself lying next to appa Katara and Aang, so he is alive huh? Confused he figured he must be dreaming until he realized his vision was clear and nothing was muffled. He was below deck on a fire nation ship. He paused a moment before he stood and noticed Sokka's boomerang beside him. He lifed it and saw Sokka in the reflection. His reaction seemed to mirror(haha get it) Sokka's when he saw Zuko in the mirror. But he dropped the boomerang and it made a loud bang which woke the other two up "Sokka what are you doing, the sun is barely up"

He paused and cleared his throat. Okay, sure he's been chasing them he needs to not blow this "uh, sorry, nightmare"

Katara shifted and turned to him, a genuine look of worry in her eyes "do you want to talk about it?" She asked in a tone that reminded him of his mother. Genuine love.

He forced himself not to tear up at the memory and just shook his head "no, I honestly can't remember it. Just scared me is all" the hesitation in Katara's expression before she responded was strange to him

"Alright, if you say so, do you mind going and asking dad to change the course? We need to stop and get supplies"

His hesitation and expression probably made her realize what happened "okay, youre not Sokka right now are you?" He froze and nodded slowly "alright, you dont have to tell me who you are, but I'll help you through the motions, Aang and I switched back in Ba Sing Se, that was the day when you questioned why I said I'd fly around, er- or that was when Sokka questioned me" okay she was a little more accepting of this than he thought.

"Uhm, okay, yeah, right, uhm, I don't want to blow this so can you just uh show me around? I'm sure Sokka knows all the people he's- oh agni he's gonna meet my dad" zuko internally cringed.

In that moment it seemed to click with Katara "alright, so you're telling me your Zuko"

Zuko flinched and backed up against the wall "look I dont know what you want me to do about this, but I promise you that I'm not going to ruin anything, I know I messed up, hell Sokka's probably noticing that my family doesn't work like yours does. I've been so confused my whole life okay, I'm sorry I betrayed you in Ba Sing Se, my sister has a way of manipulating me. I just hope he doesn't get hurt, he probably doesn't know he needs to keep his mouth shut in my family." Zuko was panicking when Katara reached out

"Zuko, zuko what do you mean?" Her voice shaky

"Look I cant tell you everything, I cant tell you my life story not right now, I need to get through with this. If we meet again, which I hope we do, ill tell you then. But right now, please just show me what Sokka goes through day to day. I know he's not gonna like what happens on the other end, I just hope it doesn't go too bad."

Katara nodded "alright well. Let me walk you around and let you learn the peoples names, ill just say hi to them and say their names." She paused "but first, tell me about your mother, i dont know if I believe it anymore"

He sighed before telling her the entire story.

Meanwhile at the palace Sokka was sitting in a war meeting knowing to keep his mouth shut unless spoken to. He didnt want to set people off or let them know he wasn't actually Zuko. The topic of the earth kingdome came up and Ozai turned to him "Zuko, you've spent time among the Earth kingdom citizens. What information do you have?"

"Uh, the Earth kingdoms citizens are strong willed and hopeful, as long as they have hope they will not yeild"

"Hmmm, I see, we need to crush their hope"

"Well, thats not what I-"

"I think we should take their precious hope and burn it to the ground!" Azula cuts in

"Yes, yes good idea Azula" Oh no

About an hour after the meeting the switch flipped, Sokka made notes about everything that he found important in time before the switch was over.

After they switched back Sokka found his sister and grabbed her shoulders "Katara, I have to tell you something, I just got back from a body swit-"

"And your soulmate is Zuko? I know, he cried when I was nice to him, what happened on your end?"

"Well, his whole family is mean to him"

"Figured"

"I was in a war meeting and found out their plan for the comet"

After relaying the information he found they discussed it with Aang.

Let's skip ahead to after the failed invasion and to the air temple when Zuko shows up.

"Hello, Zuko here"

No fighting it in this one

"Get your jerk bender butt over here" Katara and Sokka said practically in unison.

>im gonna wrap it up here. And yes Katara would notice its not Sokka and would totally pick up on Zuko, she's observant

>and no Azula wouldn't notice at all because she's used to Zuko being stand offish with her. Plus Sokka is so much better at impersonations than Zuko

@chaoticidiott @roman-does-nothing @bisexuallsokka @transzukostanblog

I dont know if I did this AU justice, I tried.

#RayMakesSoulmates #atla sokka #prince zuko #sokka #sokka x zuko #zukka #zuko #avatar the last airbender #so gay #omg #tw: caps

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shhh-no-ones-home · 3 years

Text

raising the bar bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

me and a friend have been re-watching the marvel movies and have started calling him Jamie because its another nickname for James. idk why we thinks its cute/funny but I'm running with it and you get to see some of that here. enjoy lol

song: i cant handle change by roar

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

Date night. Finally! It had been so long since we'd been able to just sit and relax at some random restaurant or bar or diner or wherever, and God it felt so good. Every weekend for the past month was "get in, get out, no questions asked", mission after mission. But now we were cut off. The government wanted to handle things themselves. And as excited as I was to have my Bucky bear all to myself, I knew he was more so happy he didn't have to fight anyone any time soon. He could just relax with 'his best girl' and live his life like a normal person. And that's what we were doing, sat in a booth in the back of the diner, enjoying each other's company.

"No, no, you mean to tell me that he actually did that?"

Bucky asked, looking over me intently before sipping his coffee. I nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes! And by god he was so embarrassed."

I let out a loud laugh, him shaking his head in amusement.

"I just can't believe Sam would actually do that. I mean don't get me wrong, I believe he'd be stupid enough, but to actually pull that off? No way."

I watched as he shook his head.

"There was water everywhere."

Then the door chimed, signaling someone's entry and taking both of our attention. A whole group of large, bearded men, came in talking loudly. Bucky looked a little more uncomfortable now that there were many more people in the room, something that happened a lot more recently. i knew how this usually went down, we had talked about it the first time it happened and came to an agreement. we keep the conversation going, he doesn't have to engage if he doesn't want to and if he feels uncomfortable we leave. simple as that.

"uh, but uh, he kind of recruited me. per usual when he gets himself into a mess. and it was a big one."

"ill bet."

he said quietly, looking over my shoulder and swallowing hard. i frowned, looking to the table in front of me.

"but uh we got everything figured out. the plumbing department was furious when they got to the house. and i still dont know how he got the insurance company to pay for all the damage. i mean damn, there was water running down the stairs."

i laughed a little at the end, watching his gaze shift back and forth. after a second i reached across the table and took his hand in mine.

"james..."

he sent me a look, his jaw tightening.

"jamie."

i tested and he looked to the table.

"talk to me."

"of course she has to give him permission."

i heard from behind me, all the men laughing. he sighed hard, looking over my face. they had been chatting about us since they sat down and i was trying hard to ignore them. clearly we both were.

"maybe we should go."

he said just above a whisper.

"ill ask the waitress for the check, yeah?"

he nodded as i stood.

"oh so now she gets up, gotta give him a break."

they all laughed and i paused, my face straightening and buck giving me a look.

"you got a problem?"

i asked, not turning around.

"I wasn't talking to you."

he said gruffly, still holding a laugh. i clenched my jaw.

"No but you're talking about me and someone I care about."

"Let's just go."

buck tried but i shook my head, finally turning to face the man.

"No, not until he apologies."

i said sternly.

"We both know that's not gonna happen."

bucky defended, his presence looming behind me as he stood.

"He's right darlin, why don't you just buzz off."

"I'm not your darlin, asshole."

i watched intently as he stood, moving to stand over me. he and bucky were probably about the same height but in the moment i felt bigger than both of them combined.

"What was that?"

he fumed.

"Apologize."

"No."

i clenched my fist and felt buckys hand gently against my arm.

"y/n just dont."

i looked back to him.

"you may not enjoy violence but i have no problem with it."

i growled. he looked between my eyes.

"lets just go."

he tried to pull me towards the door but the man stopped him.

"hey i wasn't done talking to her."

the man said, bucky starting to challenge him back.

"we're going man, just leave us alone."

the man looked back to me with a smirk before pushing bucky. he just sighed and shook his head.

"God damnit."

bucky said under his breath. i was already staring daggers into the guys head.

"that was a mistake."

"and whys tha-"

before the word even got out of his mouth my fist was colliding with his jaw. he had stumbled back, Bucky tripping him as he went and grabbing my hand.

"time to go."

he said, and without even thinking i was letting him drag me out of the diner.

"we didnt pay!"

i protested as he lifted me onto the back of his bike.

"im an ex assassin, not a thief, i put a twenty on the table."

he said quickly, getting on and starting it. when we both looked up the gang was coming out into the parking lot, all looking rather angry. the man stumbled out the door last.

"shit."

Bucky kick started his bike before pulling out of the space. a few of the guys were quick to get on their own but we were already gone, the diner fading into the background. i clutched onto Bucky for dear life as we wizzed down the street. you could hear the rumble of a few of the other men's bikes behind us but Bucky was weaving through traffic so much i was sure they would lose us, and then he turned down an alley way slowly.

"can we not have one day off?"

he grumbled, stepping off the bike and looking over me. i closed my eyes and shook my head for a second before swinging my leg around and sitting off the side of it.

"we had today off, its the break we need."

i mentioned, annoyed, picking my hand up to look at. the pain was starting to set in now that the adrenaline was wearing off. i looked up to him and noticed him staring down at my hand as i opened and closed it slowly.

"Shit, I hope that's not broken."

I looked down over my knuckles again. They were definitely bruised but it didn't hurt as bad as it could've. I just shrugged and slid off the side of the bike, shaking my hand out.

"I'll be fine. How are you?"

He gave me a look.

"I'm not the one that just punched a guy three times bigger than them."

I shrugged again.

"Words hurt buck, I know you. How are you doing?"

I persisted but he just sighed. When he leaned forward, trapping me between him and his motorcycle, his hands at my hips, I felt a little bit better.

"With a pipsqueak like you to defend me I'm doing just fine."

I raised my brows at him, smirk on my lips.

"You mean that?"

i tempted and He nodded solemnly.

"you know i do."

he pressed his forehead to mine and breathed deeply.

"i love you Jamie."

i said softly, pecking him on the lips. i could feel his thumbs rubbing circles into my hips as we stood there for a second. this was something that happened a lot too. the nickname had become one of those things that tended to calm him down, ground him, make him feel new since no one else had ever called him that.

"i love you too."

he whispered before pulling away. he took my bruised hand in his and kissed my knuckles.

"ready to go home?"

i asked and he nodded.

"yeah, lets get some ice for that and cuddle up on the couch."

"watch a movie?"

i inquired. he smiled a little bit before kissing me softly.

"absolutely."

#wattpad #x reader #Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #white wolf #falcon and the winter soldier #captain america #marvel #329

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theravencawsatmidnight · 3 years

Text

Rabbit. Chapter Two Part Two

Draco x Hufflepuff reader

Tags; @khemz1312 @trashyvicks @dracoslittlesunflower @dracmalf0y-dm @rosiehufflepuff @goofygobber @shinsouscatpisssmell

W!Heavy Ptsd, mental freak outs. Hearing voices, blood, bruises, cuts. Draco trying to convince himself he’s fine. Refusing to ask for help. Mental instability. The voices are the Dementors

After two years in Azkaban for how he treated you he was finally free. The only thing keeping him going was you. Now finally reunited with his Rabbit he thinks things will go easier for him. But Draco is struggling mentally and refusing to ask for help, but his only hope might be the person he despises the most

Draco did not return to the bedroom, he ran his hands under the cold water staring at them watching the blood run down his wrists down to the drain of the sink trying to think of a way around this… what could he do ? he needed help… The man shook his head at just the thought of him asking for help. “Rubbish.” he slapped the water off drying his hands on his briefs and going to check on you to see you asleep.

Its dark there huh?

Like the cell

“Shut up…” the tired shaky man shook his head going back to the living room, his vision was dizzy and he had to drag himself along the wall so he would not stumble and fall.

Why do you even bother?

Coming here?

“B-b-because..”Draco fell into the back of the couch seeing Biscuit asleep on his pillow and quickly went around the furniture to scoop up the rabbit holding him close to his chest. He let out a heavy sigh of relief once he felt Biscuits cold nose against his chest sniffing around. “I ,.. Wanna be with her…” he laid down on the couch with the curious bunny on his chest. He shook his head several times trying to get the voices to subside..

But does she want to be with .. you?

“She does.. “

Draco did not last long in the dark; he had gotten up and turned every light on except for the bedroom . one thing Draco did learn in Azkaban was that the Dementors hated the light. So every night he would sit under the window in his cell hoping the moon would be full and bright enough to shine in on him… But even with all the lights on he still saw darkness when he shut his eyes…

He was back on the couch with Biscuit on his chest again trying to think of something else, anything else. He wanted to share the bed with you so bad.. He longed for that moment with you. To have you snuggle against him .. tracing your finger on his chest.. Telling him stories .. cuddling up to him when you get cold.. Did you have any cute sleeping habits he wondered.. And did you prefer the middle or the edge of the bed.. Did you like to sleep in …?

“Rabbit……”

What if you get worse?

You already broke a glass, remember?

“Shut u-u-p…” he was starting to sweat, a long bead of it sliding down his head. We miss you Draco

Dont you miss us?

“N-no..” his hands found his hair digging into his locks. “I .. “

We love you for who you are Draco.

“You bastards made me this way..!” he sat up and Biscuit hopped off his lap scaring Draco, he jumped shielding his face till he realized it was just the bunny. “Im…” he wrapped his arms around himself feeling very sticky and uncomfortable all over, his skin felt like it was crawling and his bruises ached again with each heave of breath he took from his chest. “Im fine…”

You are fine , Draco.

Perfectly fine

Your fine

Your fine…

Your ..fine

You-r fi-ne…

“SHUT UP!!!” Draco threw himself on the floor hitting his head hard on the wood making the voices subside, he stayed there for a minute, crying.

In the morning you had woken up to an empty bed and every light on in your home. Quickly you jumped out of bed rushing to the living room to see it empty. “dr..Draco..”

“Yes Rabbit?” you heard behind you.

You whipped around seeing Draco with a towel around his neck and sweats on him. You clung to him sighing with relief. “Nothing.. Goodmorning.”

Draco squeezed you tight, wrapping an arm around your back and head giving you a gentle kiss on your forehead. Draco had passed out from exhaustion last night around 3 AM and woke up not too long ago drenched in a cold sweat with Biscuit wiggling his nose on his cheek . he had no idea when you would wake up so he had to hurry and cover his tracks.

“Good Morning Rabbit.” Draco squeezed you again and you slipped free taking his hand.

“I'm thinking.. We go get some clothes today?”

“S-sure.”

“And i think the twins opened their shop up again, maybe we could .. go check it out? Everyone deserves a good laugh sometimes..”

he was nervous.. It would be crowded in the twins shop...

Why dont you just run away

Come back to us

You cant handle things on your own anymore

You cant handle this-

He shook his head bringing your hand to his lips so he could kiss it. “Sounds good, Rabbit.”

The shopping went.. Okay.. there's only so many choices in Diagon Alley after all. Simple dress clothes and a couple loose shirts was all he needed. All though you insisted he get some more clothes he could relax in .

“Draco dont you want more loose fitting things?”

“D-dosint ma-matter Rabbit” he was having a hard time talking to other people. Everyone he ran into asked him about Azkaban and you had to step in and change the subject before Draco blew up at them. You noticed he did not walk the same way he did in Hogwarts; back then he had his head in the clouds, his ego on his sleeve, his attitude front and center and that damn smug smile he wore on that damn grumpy face.

Now he looked over his shoulder, shook his head, faked his smile and rubbed his hands alot to keep himself from scratching his arms. You noticed he only did it when the wind blew and were growing more and more concerned about him. Something was wrong, something awful must have happened in Azkaban… but the real question was would he ask you to listen to him explain… anyone… someone.. You loved Draco Malfoy, but you worried for his health too.

“Hmm.. im going to get you a few more . ill be right back “

“O-o kay, ill be .. at the twins shop”

You turned to grab his hand “you sure youll be okay alone?”

Will you?

We dont think so

You wont be alone Draco

….you will have us…

He shook his head and pulled you in for a hug and kissed your lips. “Im sure, Pet. no go get me something nice yeah?” he patted your head, getting a small smile out of you.

“Yes, Draco” you teased him hurrying off into the clothing store again. It warmed his heart a bit.. He loved the teasing .. he wanted more of it. He wanted hsi days to be full of it…

Its a shame…

...that this will not last..

..but….. Everyday you go on..

...brings you closer to us…

“Shut.. up..i shouldn't be able to hear you in that bloody twins shop … “ Draco stumbled turning around to make hsi way to the very eyesore of a shop.

Loud. it was loud. It was crowded and people were everywhere laughing, playing jokes on others, playing music, things were flying around, confetti and the likes. People shoving to get to the next big attraction and shoving all kinds of colourful candy in their mouths. Draco flinched every time someone touched him. Usually he would yell and shove back but .. all he could do now was cower and look over his shoulder . his head was quiet, for once. He could not hear the Dementors in here and the shop was well lit too making it easier to keep them at bay.

Draco maneuvered the shop looking for the twins , it should not be too hard. All the Weasleys have this unique look to them. Draco moved to the center of the store when someone bumped him trying to get by making him jump and stumble into the desk hitting his hip, someone else pushed by and he white knuckled the furniture starting to breath heavily.

Draco…..

Draco…….

Draco……….

“Dammit.. Shut up….” he pulled himself up looking over the people seeing the twins at the back of the store. Carefully he made his way to them and they both saw him and waved.

“There he is !” Fred said.

“All is right now yep” George added.

Draco was holding his side trying to stand up straight and look intimidating but the look on his face told the twins he was afraid.

“Bloody… twins.”

“Thats us!” they both said with pride.

“Wheres… Pottah…..”

They looked at each other and then Draco, getting a good look at him.

“You okay Mate?” Fred asked , helping him steady himself

“How is y/n by the way?” George asked.

“Shes f--f-f-ine, “ he shook Fred off gulping down a breath. “Where. Is. Pottah”

“Uhm.. top floor actually, hes getting some things for his kids.” Fred pointed.

“Thanks..” Draco shot them a look with a slight nod and made hsi way up the steps to the much more empty area. He spotted Harry looking over some joke spells in a book . Draco tried to be quiet but…

The boy who lived?

Draco stumbled into a desk making it squeak, Harry looked up from the book and quickly put it down to go to Dracos side. He was struggling to stand and breathe.

“Draco…? Are you alright?”

“Sshh--shut up…-”

Yes ,,, Draco …

Shut him out…

You dont need him

You only need us

...you only need… us

Harry helped the man anyway and Draco slumped into his side cursing himself. Harry helped Draco to an empty room and shut the door, carefully he sat the man down in a chair and sat down across from him not saying anything. Draco was a mess inside and out right now, he hated Pottah, hated everything about him , how dare he refuse to be his friend all those years ago? That duel… that damn… quidditch match… that damn….. Bird …

Leave..

Leave

Draco, leave

You dont need-

“P-p-pott-ah,.....”

Dont.

“I … n-ee-dd,....” he dug his fingers in his hair whimpering in front of this man .

Harry instantly knew something was wrong, he stayed as calm as he could.

Draco Malfoy of Slytherin... the smug, man who did not care for anyone else at all , only himself. Never asked for help from anyone, did things his way… picked on whoever he wanted...not a care in the world… was whimpering in front of the man he hated most. On the verge of a breakdown.

“I need…..”

DONT DRACO!!!

He looked in Harrys eyes with heavy tears falling down his face… staining the wood table. “I need help……………………..please………………”

#draco 😤#draco x hufflepuff reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco x reader #.RabbitFic

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bangtanger · 3 years

Text

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol 1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀ a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀ a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀ a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL

❀ some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

#m:text #tg

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warmau · 4 years

Text

kick it!au x nct 127

more like punk!au 127, but it’s inspired by the n version of the album!

taeyong

only heir to one of seoul’s biggest tech businesses, but no matter how much his parents try to get him to act like one

he really could give a rats ass about it

sometimes his parents think he’s doing it on purpose - the over the top outfits and the heavy music

the skipping out on important meetings, the hanging out with people who don't even imagine what kind of tax bracket his parents are in

but taeyong just cant bring himself to want to give his whole life away

to slaving over some company in some high office in a building so far off from the wonders life has to offer

he’d rather run around and experience what he can while he’s young and his body can handle it

so for a while, he just runs away - it sets of a massive panic throughout the city of seoul as his parents send out search teams and private investigators

and the police are put on the case

you watch the news and sigh, spotting taeyong spread out like a comfortable cat on your couch

“you know sooner or later they’re going to find out you’re here.”

“no they won’t. you were an intern in our legal department - you never even officially met me.”

he answers, playing with the threads off of his holed up tshirt before sitting up

“hey - if you really don't want to be involved in this, just run away with me to London like i offered.”

you take a bite of toast

“won’t that just get me more involved - we’ll both become fugitives. well i will, you’ll probably be saved by your parents money.”

taeyong’s eyes darken and his beautiful features fall sullen

you hear him hit the back the pillow with a soft thud

“i wish i wasn't living my life on the back of my parents - it’d make everything so much easier.”

you get up, leaning over the couch to look down at him

you met him when you’d gotten fired from your internship actually

why? because you threw hot coffee on some creep manager trying to feel you up and taeyong, who’d been passing by the floor, had watched mesmerized as you’d yelled at him for even thinking of touching you

it was the most badass thing he’d ever seen and when you were dragged away and tossed out of the building

he’d run up to you and offered to help you out

you thought he was saying he’d get you your job back - which you didn’t want because you didn’t want to work with creeps

but taeyong had actually meant getting you a favor at another company

even if he was a punk kid with no interest in business, he was still pretty charismatic with the other kids his age with parents in high places

he was the reason you had a comfortable life now - so when he shoed up on your doorstep you couldnt say no

now you’re looking at him and he’s looking up at you - the lost look in his eyes makes you so sad

“i cant run away with you anywhere, but you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you want.”

his lips turn up in a smile but before you can pull back he leans forward and you feel the softness of his mouth brush yours

you freeze with your hands digging into the couch and taeyong puts out his own palm on your cheek

“what if i wanna stay here with you forever?”

his tongue runs along the outline of your bottom lip and you feel the strength in your arms sort of fade

“are you doing this just to piss off your par-”

you start when you pull back, but he shakes his head and taeyong is not good at lying

“no. im doing all of this because i do want to be with you.”

jaehyun & johnny

guitarist and drummer of their garage punk band that they started in highschool together

to be honest, johnny had suggested it as a way to get themselves more popular - and jaehyun had thought it’d be a fun way to pass the long summer days

but now they’re actually pretty well known in the underground scene

and have went on to play booked shows in packed bars and events

they even have self designed merch which is kinda,,,well,,,,their fans love them anyway lol

you’re actually a server at one of the bars they play pretty frequently, and even though most of the crowd is pushed up on the stage when they play

there are some stragglers or bored significant others who occupy the tables in the back and who you have to deal with

they usually complain to you about the loud, thrashing music - but you have to say - you kind of dig the duo’s chaotic energy

plus jaehyun always looks handsome in leather black jeans and hair slicked back, while johnny looks just as enticing with disheveled brown long bangs and a right sleeve full of tattoos

you think some of the people in the crowd don’t even fancy the music that much either - the two musicians are pretty much a sight to enjoy on their own

you actually favor,

jaehyun - the guitarist and the main singer who always looks cold and put together

you sometimes akin him to more of like a businessman than a punk musician

but he really does have a lovely voice when he isn’t screaming into a mic

also - he tips better than most people - when he comes back to the bar to get a drink after the show

fans usually follow behind him like ants on honey

but he always makes it a point to get a few minutes before them so he can chat with you

his questions are usually about how you like the songs, you have the sneaking suspicion he’s the one who writes them

and you always enjoy the moments before his hoard attacks him

one evening you collect his bill and are surprised at the large tip again - but also at his number scrawled at the bottom and a question

thinking of writing my first love song, i think you can really help with that.....if you’d want to.

johnny - the drummer and the wilder part of the two

he’s got tattoos and is always jumping around and throwing drumsticks into the crowd

he looks like a mess when he’s up there, feeling the music and going insane with the fans cheers

but when he gets off stage he has those long sweaty bangs in his face

and usually is missing a part of his shirt that either tore or was torn off

he always finds you after, when you run back to the kitchen which is beside the back of the stage

usually for more snacks for the bar - and he always coaxes something free out of you

you like his one-liners and genuinely happy smile so you dont mind

and sometimes he tells you about a new tattoo or a new city he’s going to get or visit

one evening he stops you when all you’ve got is a wine bottle in hand and asks if you have a second

you agree and follow him into a part behind stacked speakers and almost drop the wine when he pulls his shirt up by his teeth

through muffling you understand him saying “look, i got my first hip tat!”

you see the tiger that’s disappearing down below his belt

“how big is the whole thing?!”

you ask and he winks, letting his shirt fall back down

“well if you want to see the whole thing - why don’t i wait for outback later?”

you agree - only to think about it ten minutes later and be like

taeil

employee at the local vintage records shop

the owner pretty much entrusts all of the store to taeil, whose music taste is highly respected in the community and is also very very,,,,,,,very specific

but unlike most people who love to come in here and argue about what genre or band or artist is the best

he just likes to,,,,,,,,vibe

which is why people feel either comfortable around him - because he’ll listen to them rant with a smile as he checks them out

or kinda weirded out because like - does he ever raise his voice above a softhearted whisper?!?!

pretty cute with his blonde mullet and pretty silver earrings - a loved flannel over his shoulders

because of taeil’s work and the general popularity of vintage records as an aesthetic, the shop gets a little more busy

and so the owner hires you - who unlike taeil who favors ska-punk and beach vibes

you are a strictly heavy metal person

the grimier - the better

and when you start working your job, you cannot handle taeil’s playlist

and you can’t handle his laidback attitude to match

so you always have something to say - half because you mean it but also half because you want some reaction from taeil

but taeil never does, if you spend half an hour shittalking the album he picks he just kind of shrugs it off

if you put on some swedish death tunes - he just lets you play the music without a comment

you guys look kind of funny next to each other because he’s just punky dad chic and your wardrobe is bleak and black

people can tell where your favorite sections are and they are on opposite sides of the store

one afternoon, you’re begging the store owner to buy copies of this obscure band most people dont care about but who you LOVE for the store

he keeps saying no because he’s pretty sure no one will buy it

when taeil strolls in for his shift

the boss turns and asks taeil for his opinion and you give up completely because

there’s no way he’s gonna ask the boss to order a heavy metal record-

“yes, let’s order it. i trust their taste.”

taeil smiles your way before turning the corner

the boss sighs and pats your shoulder, promising he’ll put it on the list for the next order

you just stand there, before breaking from your shock to find taeil

you do - he’s unpackaging new goods - and gives you a soft, happy smile when you call out his name

“why’d you stand up for me back there? you hate my music.”

“i never said i hated it.”

you scrunch up your nose

“so you’re a heavy metal fan now?”

“no, but you are and if you like it then it’s good right?”

you don’t understand, confused you say again - “but you hate it-”

he puts down the record in his hand and turns toward you

he tilts his head and goes,

“but i don't hate you, in fact i like you quite a lot so im willing to put up- i mean listen to the music you like because i know it makes you happy.”

the words swirl around in your head and you feel something warm flood into your veins

“you ,,,, like me a lot?”

“yes, i thought it was obvious how shy i was around you.”

you try not to laugh in disbelief, because you’re pretty sure he’s never even changed his facial expression since you started here

but whatever - you kinda like that (a lot) about him too

yuta

your local back alley tattooer and piercer

not actual back alley, more like in his apartment, but still - does he have a license for this? who knows

he loves doing colorful, crazy pieces - usually with a magical element or a pinup style

and if you give him a big project, he goes absolutely nuts on it

he himself has tattoos up the back of his neck and all the way down to his ankles

he has almost thirteen piercings' in one ear, with his infamous tongue piercing, bellybutton, and two studs above his hipbones

pain doesn’t exist for him - and neither do boundaries when it comes to art or fashion

he’s almost always photographed or stopped when he goes outside

long hair up in a bun, he pulls out one of the sticks holding it and is like “it’s also a pocket knife if i click here-”

thick collar, long skirts or ripped up sweaters

he’s a very fun person to both work with or just be around LOL

you don’t really think that though - actually you’re super nervous when you see him

your friend though, the one who insisted on coming to yuta for their nose piercing, is hyped

she’s buzzing around him - getting excited and also flirting

but for someone reason ,,, he keeps looking over her shoulder at you

“well, let me get the needle ready-”

he starts and you ask if it’s been sterilized

he laughs in response and your friend shushes you

but something feels all weird about this

you lean in to her as yuta gets his instruments ready

“do you really want this? why don’t you just get another ear-”

“don’t worry! it’ll be fine!”

you hear a voice chime in behind you both, “exactly - it’ll be peachy.”

you bite your lip as you watch yuta approach but just as you want to make sure again

your friend sees the needle and

passes out

you catch her - eyes wide and scared

“wh-oh my god! we need a doctor!”

Yuta sighs, rolling his eyes and putting the needle back down

he takes your friend from your arms and lays her down on the couch nearby

“no we don't. ill get some ice.”

“she’s passed out! what do you mean we don’t - we need to call-”

“it happens all the time.”

he disappears and then shuffles back in with an icyhot, he drops it in your hand and you stare at him

he pulls up a chair and sits down in it, “she’ll be back up in a couple minutes. we just have to wait.”

you’re skeptical - now more than ever - but you place the ice on her forehead and sit back up

“sooo, are you also looking to get a piercing?”

he suddenly inquires, leaning his elbows on his knees and giving you a look that makes you feel like you’re being seared under a lamp

“w-what, no. she just asked me to come along for support.”

“you’d look good with a nose piercing, or maybe a lip piercing, or the shy types always get something crazy like-”

his eyes drop down a little lower and you huff, fighting off a weird buzz in your chest

“no! i don't want any, and i don't want to be convinced either thank you.”

he shrugs and sits back

“you sure? not even i offer to do it for free?”

you roll your eyes, “does free mean free or is there a clause missing?”

“free means you pay nothing, but maybe you’ll consider getting coffee with me.”

this catches you off guard - you nearly lose grip on the icyhot on your friends forehead when you turn to him

“s-sorry, are you flirting with me while my friends passed out on your couch?!!??”

yuta grins

“yeah, i am. isn’t that normal?”

doyoung

politically outspoken activist, nazi stomper, no bullshit from anyone graduate student

doesn’t look punk on the outside but put on his headphones and it’s straight up songs about anarchy only

won’t tell anyone where the secret little tattoo he got is, but people place bets on where and what they think it is

jaehyun thinks it has to be like a quote from chomsky but taeil thinks it might be something sappy and sentimental like a flower for his mom

it’s actually just a cool looking sword on the side of his ribs that he got half because he wanted to prove he could take the pain LOL

he really doesn’t fuck around when it comes to his beliefs though - like he doesnt think it’s radical to want human rights for everyone and if anyone wants to get in his face about it

then he will get back in their face about it

and listen he’s gotten into some fights, and even though he’s mostly lank and brains - he’ll take a punch with pride and throw his own if anyone says some dumb shit in his vicinity

“you look more like a prep then a punk” someone once comments and doyoung doesn’t even bat an eyelash to retort “i don't need a mohwak to fight for respect. and ill have you know - i do own a leather jacket so shove it.”

you’re a student in one of doyoung’s classes who thinks he’s really cool, but also intimidating

his dark eyes and lack of humor kind of make him unapproachable, but also pretty attractive

you’re kind of sad that you can’t talk to him about upcoming ralies and class work because you don’t know what you two could have in common

when one day you and doyoung arrive to class early and suddenly the quiet classroom is full of loud, hard, punk rock

you turn around and doyoung’s big eyes are somehow even bigger

“m-my bluetooth disconnected. sorry.”

he scrambles to turn down the volume, but you jump up

“you like rage against the machine? i love them!”

doyoung perks up

“really, usually people tell me they’re outdated and don’t fit well,,,,you know - how i look.”

you shake your head, “who cares what you look like - their music started a movement!”

you move your seat up closer to doyoung and ask if you can see his playlist

he shows it to you proudly and before you know it you two are in a deep discussion about bands and music and shows

the professor and students trickle in and before you know it it’s time for class to start

before it does, you happily exclaim to doyoung

“i didn’t think we’d ever have something in common - im so happy i can talk to you now!”

“you couldn’t talk to me before?”

doyoung takes note of the blush that dusts your cheek and the way your fingers twitch in your lap

“ah - i just, you know it’s hard to talk to someone you like.”

doyoung is about to ask that you say that again, just so he can confirm it and get that giddy feeling again

but the professor starts the lecture

too bad the whole time doyoung can’t help but steal looks at you - counting down the minutes till the class is over and he can ask you to come with him for lunch

you guys can listen to music and,,,,,,,maybe talk about how to change the political world,,,,,together <3

jungwoo

definitely flunking a lot of his classes, but so pretty when you look passed the crazy orange hair that no one blames him for it

he’s always falling asleep behind textbooks

and doodling butterflies or whatnot in the corners of his notes

he loves baggy clothes, decorated with pins and paint, every now and then he’s even got little bandages on his cheeks and fingers

he looks like he came out of a cartoon - delicate features and colorful clothes

he opens his locker and love notes fall out no matter what day it is

and his headphones keep getting confiscated by teachers

he should technically be your biggest enemy

considering he breaks uniform violations, doesn’t do his homework, and frequently hangs out in the halls when he should be there

and you’re a prefect that’s got straight A’s

but you,,,,,,,just cannot be mad at jungwoo

anyone else, you’re the first to hand out detention slips or lug them into the deans office

but with jungwoo - there’s what you’d just call favoritism

people think it’s kind of hilarious though because you’re trying so hard to hide your crush on jungwoo but it’s so obvious

and jungwoo is so clueless about your crush and the fact that you give him so many slides that when people complain about how he didn’t get in trouble but they did for doing the SAME thing

he’s like huh what?

you keep getting told to stop being so lenient with him, he’s not going to learn if he’s not told he’s doing something wrong

but when you’re faced with him again

that big puppy smile and the cute little flower studs in his ears

you just cant

you just shoo him out of the sight of any other prefects or teachers so he wont be caught

one afternoon as you’re checking the halls during study period - you spot jungwoo hanging out on the ledge of the window to the top floor

beside him is a half eaten sandwich and a forgotten book

he looks so picturesque you feel guilty interrupting him

but you know you’re not the only one on duty so you touch his shoulder gently

“jungwoo, kun might find you if you’re just sitting here.”

“you found me.”

he says with a gentle smile

“yes, but you know i don’t want you to get in trouble - so do you think you can go up to the roof?”

he nods, gathering his things and as you turn to leave, he takes a hold of your wrist and tugs you behind him

“wh-”

but it’s too late, you’re already up the stairs and being pulled through the roof’s door

jungwoo twirls you around and you want to tell him you have to get back to your job

when he pulls you against his chest

“j-j-jungwoo?!?”

your face heats up as you squeak in shock

he stares down into your eyes - the usual gloss of dreaminess seems a little more serious

“do you like me?”

your heart feels like it has stopped in your chest - no matter who’d asked you about your crush before, it was never jungwoo himself so it was always easy to lie

“wh-why are you asking me?”

he blinks, long dark lashes in contrast to his bright hair

“i want to know if you like me.”

“but why- y-you’ve never asked me before.”

“because.”

he shrugs, saying it as if it’s the easiest thing to admit in the world

“because i like you so if you like me too - i can ask you on a date.”

mark

skater boy who wants to go pro

spends hours in the park and in lots trying new tricks and just skating because if there’s one thing he loves

it’s the rush, the feel of the board and the air that passes by him as he cruises down the block

he’s pretty oblivious to the fact that he’s the most liked skater, maybe even person, in his neighborhood

because he will jump off his board to help old ladies cross the street and willing to bust it and eat dirt if a kid accidentally stumbles in front of him

he’s always kinda banged up, with something broken or sprained or slightly bloodied from messed up tricks or accidents

but he works it, along with the chino pants and old band tshirts and beanies

he secretly got his nose pierced last summer, but he’s gotta keep hiding it from mom and dad lol

he takes part in a lot of local competitions because he really wants to get his foot in the pro game

and (not surprising to anyone but him) he has a lot of local fans

some are just fellow skaters who love his happy attitude, others are lovestruck teenagers who think the sweet skater is prime boyfriend material (they’re right)

you aren’t a huge skating fan, you actually don’t know much about it, but you sometimes get dragged along with friends to the events

they’re free and it’s fun to pass the time

you’re at one, sipping a slushie and listening to your friends argue about the upcoming show

when you notice a boy in a beanie off the right of the course

he’s practicing flips, his skateboard a strong neon green with what you assume are his initials - ML

“who is that?” you ask offhandedly and your friends all answer in unison - “oh! that’s the favorite - mark lee.”

you are about to look away, but then you end up catching mark’s gaze

when your eyes lock - he smiles and it shows off the sweetness that you can see people would go crazy over

you nearly miss your slushie straw as you try to smile awkwardly back

for the first time, you’re extremely excited to see one of the runs - mark takes his position at the top of the ramp and you edge forward in your seat

your friends comment about it - but you’re not the only one getting hyped - it seems like the whole place is waiting to see him succeed

you hold your breath a little as he lands the first trick, then the next, then the next

its going so well and you think you might even just get up and cheer when right on the last second - he hits a rail and the board flies off - it leaves mark tumbling down

he catches himself with his hands but you can see the pain and shock spread over his face

the crowd gasps - but no one moves

actually, you’re waiting for EMTs or someone to show up - but it’s just mark limping up and chasing after his runaway board

“where are the doctors - or someone to help?”

you turn and your friends just shrug, “it’s not a super big event so they usually don’t have anyone.”

you don’t know what comes over you, you’ve seen people slam before at these things but this just feels different

you get up from your seat and push down through to the back the course

you find mark sitting out near the curb of the parking lot, nursing what you can guess is a pair of pretty hurt palms

and you rush over

“are you ok?”

he looks up at you and you notice he’s abandoned his beanie - black hair a wild mess

“ah yeah, no worries. ill be good for my second-”

all you have are the napkins from your slushie, which you use quickly to dab at the small cuts on mark’s hands

he’s so caught off guard by your sudden makeshift first aid, that mark just stares wide eyed as you try to help

“let me go find some ice or something, it looks like it really hur-”

“its ok! i fall all the time!”

you frown, “but your hands-”

he goes pink at the ears, because your voice is full of real concern, and plus he didn’t just smile so big at you before for no reason

you are as adorable from a distance as you are up close, probably even more actually

“im ok, thanks for worrying but i do need to get back to the course.”

you drop your hands from his and sigh, “ok. but after do you promise you’ll at least get some bandages?”

“promise.”

you nod and get up, watching mark stand with you and wince as he flips his board up into his hands

you still feel worried, but mark suddenly goes

“actually, would you mind coming with me after - i mean you don’t have to if you’re with your frie-”

“they won’t mind. of course ill come, at least that way ii know you didn’t go back on your promise!”

mark thinks your little laugh is the cutest thing hes heard in a while, it rings through his ears for the rest of the competition

and when he humbly places third, he finds you in the crowd - and shakes his board up at you

the whole row you’re in turns your way

your friends all raise their eyebrows

but you’re just thinking about getting him those bandages (and maybe getting his number?)

haechan

skater boy who is a pro

youngest in the scene right now with more than three world championship titles under his board

sponsored by monster energy, vans, hell even companies like samsung are looking to put their money in him

his videos have millions of views on youtube and everyone whose trying to get into skating sees him as an icon to worship

the only person to land some of the hardest tricks known in the sport on his first runs

always bright, with one little braid hanging from his hair - the mullet look was so well accepted by fans that he decided to keep it

(even had longtime friend and fellow skater jeno come over and dye it blonde for him)

and in general, he can take a fall like anyone - but when he does land his tricks he’s always bursting with energy and dance moves out on the course

you know him, how could you not, working as one of the go-pro camera crew for skating events

but when you’re assigned to be his follow along for the upcoming qualifiers being held in your city you almost lose it

because not only are going to get to film THE haechan, but you’re going to be so close to him for the entirety of the competiton too

the fan in you comes to life, but you try to keep your cool when the day comes - introducing yourself with a handshake and a big smile

you’re nervous but what you don’t expect (and don’t actually even notice) is haechan is too

because - oh god, this is the first camera person he’s ever gotten that is on THIS level of cute

you’re so caught up in trying to get the perfect footage of him, that you don’t see how he keeps peeking at you out of the corner of his eye

when he trips over one of his boards and nearly crashes into another skater you assume it’s pre-competition jitters

but it’s actually just because you’re getting quite close to him - and haechan hasn’t ever had butterflies LIKE this

five minutes before the competition goes live, he requests that his manager switch you and one of the other skaters camera crew

it’s so soul crushing - you’re kind of left in a blank shock - until your new skater is shaking your shoulders

you think you must have done SOMETHING,,,,,no one has ever complained about you before??? you didn’t think you were even being the slightest bit annoying - even though you were trying REALLY hard not to ask for at least an autograph??

you spend the entire competition overthinking it until finally - after haechan wins and is done with all his interviews and handshakes

you manage to track him down and immediately bow at a 90 degree angle

“im so sorry if i did something wrong, i really didn’t think you’d ask to switch - please tell me what i did to upset you so i don’t do it again!”

your head is still down and haechan suddenly feels like the trophy in his hand weighs a ton

he clenches his teeth and mutters

“you didn’t do anything,,,,,,your crime is just being really-”

you slam up and your eyes are big and shaking, haechan feels like the worst person on earth as he swallows

“your cime is just being really,,,,really,,,,,really,,,,,,cute.”

“p-pardon?”

your voice cracks, because you’re pretty sure you misheard him

he scratches his head, almost bonking himself on the temple with the trophy

charismatic always silly and shining haechan suddenly looks coy

“c-cute, you’re just really cute and i couldn’t focus on my tricks so - please don’t take it to heart.”

your stomach does a flip, both out of relief and out of disbelief

“o-oh,,,,i-- well - im sorry for being-”

“don’t apologize for being cute!”

you jump and nod, haechan signs and mumbles again

“i made you feel bad didn’t i? well,,,let me make it up to you and take you to lunch,,,”

you nearly drop your go-pro because

holy shit haechan is asking me out on a date,,,,,,in a roundabout way but,,,,,it’s definitely an invite for a date

“sure-id love to!”

haechan tries to hide his grin

but when his manager catches him twirling the trophy around and whistling with a dreamy look in his eyes later that day

well

it’s just obvious

someones in love

#this was so fun to write i love punk concepts thidfjsl #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct au #nct 127 #nct #give me punk like actual punk outfits or ill riot sm

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virtual-luvr · 4 years

Text

Cliffside Comfort

Pairing: Hak x Reader

Pronouns: request was female but i didn't even mention pronouns so-

Warnings: spoilers for yona of the dawn i guess? Also kind of angsty but fluffy ending

Description: both you and hak had some arguments which lead to things getting a bit different but things changed when you met Jaeha and he comforts you

Note: you and hak are married also this was requested by someone on wattpadd thank you for the request <3

The pitter patter of rain hitting the ground and the soft sound of wind whistling was the only thing heard outside. Until you heard sheets rustling and you open your eyes to Hak getting dressed, ready to leave

You stretch your hand out to him trying to grasp at the fabric on his back, "Don't go" you mutter

"Honey, I have to" he says with a sigh, looking back at you and tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear

"Please, can't you stay just a little longer? The princess can wait" you say with a pout, knowing you wouldn't see him for a long time after he departs

He looks back at you giving you a small glare but softening his gaze after seeing your face

He crouches down beside the bed and stares at you, interlocking his hand with yours which was hanging off the bed

"You know I have to go honey, no exceptions"

"But-" before you could say anything else he cuts you off

"No buts, now go back to sleep" he says untangling your hands and stroking your face before giving you a small kiss on your forehead and going back to getting dressed.

You try not to show how upset you were and decided to roll onto the other side of the bed and hug haks pillow instead

Unknowingly to you hak gave you one last glance before going out, both of you knowing it was never easy when he had to go back

He always left for so long, not even a small letter every few months

------------

You had heard the news, you had heard of their banishment, you heard about everything that happened and you can't believe Hak hadn't looked for you until now.

And when you heard Hak was in fuuga you were pissed.

"Son Hak where have you BEEN" you say impatiently walking up to him almost stepping on other people clothes and your own

Hak looks back at you and nervously chuckles, "uhm (Y/N)-"

You punch his chest, not lightly may i add, and tightly hug him not letting go even when he tried to move away

"Don't even try you idiot"

"(Y/N)" he quietly mumbles into your hair, hugging you back tightly somehow everything hitting him all at once

Your little moment is interrupted by Yona and the others

"Is this (Y/N)?" You hear a voice say from behind you

You pull away from Hak and look back at the princess

Hak lightly chuckles and puts a hand around you shoulder, looking back at Yona, Kija, Yoon, and Shinah

"Yes"

After meeting all of them for the first time, even though Hak talked to you about Yona sometimes so you already knew quite a bit about her, Hak told you about his plans.

"Im going with you" you say, very confident in your answer

All of them looked back at you as if you were crazy

You hear a cluster of, "are you serious?"and "no its too dangerous" from all of them

"Im going with you and you cant change my mind. Please I can't just leave you alone again" you say directly to Hak and he sighs

He knew he wouldn't get out of this situation, and even though he knows you can protect yourself and fight for yourself he's still scared something could or might happen

Few days later and your packed and ready to start your journey with Hak

It went by smoothly for the most part but sometimes you did want to have some time with Hak but Yona just kept on insisting to be there too

And even though you think Yona is a pretty good person, it can get tiring from time to time to not be able to spend some time with your husband after him leaving for the castle all the time.

You did notice that Hak was getting very protective, not just with you but with Yona as well but never with the others

That wouldn't bother you if it weren't for the fact that everybody that you met at some markets thought Haks spouse was Yona and not you

He was always by her side no matter what and you wanted that too, was that too much? Maybe it's because he's her appointed knight or something but it still felt off

You didn't like getting these types of emotions so you told Hak about it thinking that could be a pretty good idea

It wasn't the best idea you've had

Both of you argued for a bit and after that he went to go be by Yona's side

It left you a bit on edge so the next day when Yona said something that didn't seem like the most nicest thing ever, you snapped

"It isn't that hard (Y/N) if you ill go ask Hak if he can help you"

"No thanks princess, i can do it myself and besides Hak seems to enjoy your company more then mine" and with that you stormed off.

You knew what you said wasn't the best and you were also ticked off. As much as you were still mad you made a mental note to say sorry later when you cooled off.

After that you try to talk to Hak and Yona and maybe clear up things but they both seem distance and you barely get to see them for a few days unless its when you're on the road again, the other two knew something was up but were too scared to ask about anything

As much small talk you try to do they both stay silent, it kind of made you feel embarrassed

Throughout the rest of the trip you keep your head down and just walk along side them all, not speaking a word

None of you did

Not until you got the green dragon that was

Throughout your search for him and going high and low to find him there were some times where you and Hak were alone, but Hak changed topics as soon as possible when you tried to say anything

He was only focused on keeping the gang protected and find the next dragon

You were now alone sitting right by a cliff looking down at the ocean, usually you'd be a little anxious to do something like this but at this point you just wanted some peace and quite

You huff and look up at the sky, sighing heavily you close your eyes.

You were so focused on getting some relaxation you didn't notice the footsteps behind you until someone grabs at your shoulder

You jump and look back at whoever it was, you smile when you notice its only Jaeha

"Jaeha hi, you can sit if you want" you say scooting to the side to give him some space

He sits beside you and tilts his head to one side, "something's troubling you, what is it?"

You were a little surprised he had noticed, maybe you weren't the best of an actor but you thought you were at least okay

He just keeps looking at you waiting for an answer, you defenetly weren't getting out of this one.

You sigh again and look back down at the ocean and ships bobbing up and down with the waves, that's when you decide to talk to him about everything

In the end he gives you suggestions on what you should do and you talked so much with him you didn't even notice how long you guys had talked for

By the end of your conversation you were genuinely smiling again, something you had done in quite a long time

Suddenly you hear a voice behind you, "lets get back to camp we have to leave in the morning"

You look back and you see Hak, he seems off though. You groan and your smile drops a little at the thought of going back to camp and being ignored again

Jaeha notices your behavior and smiles, he gets up and opens his hand for you to take, you grab his hand and try to steady yourself when you get up

When you look back up Hak is no where to be seen and Jaeha just smiles at you his grasp on your hand loosens and his hand drops to be at his waist

"Come on lets get going, ill stay at the camp with you for a while" he says

You both got back to camp and kept on chatting, unknowingly to you there was a certain someone staring at both of you watching how you and Jaeha had such good conversations while he could barely talk to you anymore

And while you hadn't known Jaeha for long, he was like a brother to you at this point, Hak didn't see it that way though

He thought Jaeha liked you, and even though he knew you guys were both married he was scared something could happen

So he made it his duty to get you back into his arms and not Jaehas

The next morning you wake up to a smiling Hak right in front of you, you're so shocked you both bump foreheads

Letting out a small 'ouch' you look back at Hak

"Why are you waking me up so early?"

"I wanted to talk to you"

That made you a little uneasy and on edge but you still decided to let him talk

"Okay, what is it?"

He looks down and fiddles a bit with his clothes before looking back up at you

"Im sorry for fighting with you, i miss you, and I know both of our actions weren't the best. But either way I shouldn't have ignored you and we both shouldn't have acted the way we did. I love you, and I married you for a reason. You are the person I love and no one can change that"

His words made you tear up a little, if it weren't for the tears blurring your face you would have noticed that Hak was tearing up to. There weren't many times where you had seen him this vulnerable.

Even though you felt like crying just a tiny bit you had to compose yourself and apologize too

"Im sorry too and I know my actions weren't the best either. Ill make sure to say sorry to Yona when I see her but for now i want to say sorry to you"

He looks back at you a little surprised, its as if he wasn't expecting you to accept his apology

Hearing your words he felt as if his heart was going to jump out of his chest

After looking at each other for a second you both get big smiles on your face and hug each other as tightly as possible, almost falling back

After hugging for who knows how long you pull away and he looks at you as if asking for permission to kiss you

"We're married, go ahead" you say smiling even more

And without any other words he does kiss you

Letting out a happy sigh you let your husband give you small nudge towards the ground, both of you smiling and giving each other some much needed love that you both missed.

[1962 words; july/26/2020]

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brelione · 4 years

Text

In The End (The Best Boys)

Warnings:For the love of god everyones doing too much, yelling, not proof read

Series Masterlist

You took in a deep, shaky breath.Rafe bit his lip, leaning down to kiss you gently. “Lets go downstairs, okay?”He asked, large hand going to hold yours.You nodded, slowly sitting up with a slight pain in your abdomen.

He went into your closet to get you something loose and soft, helping you get dressed. “Im sure hes fine, alright?Dont worry.”He grinned, kissing the top of your head.The two of you sat anxiously on the couch, listening for Kelce’s car.

You jumped when you heard the car door slam, your door opening a few moments later.His breathing was fast and shallow, eyes wide and sweat dripping from his hairline and tears falling from his eyes.He didnt say anything, hands shaking as he stared back at you.Rafe’s hand was sitting on your thigh, almost trying to hold you back from going to Kelce.

You werent sure if the action was out of jealousy or if he was just worried about you trying to approach Kelce while he was in this state of mind.It didnt matter though.Once the slight shock had worn off you quickly made your way to Kelce, wrapping your arms tight around him.

He was shaking under your touch, a few of his tears falling into your hair as he leaned against you with his arms around your shoulders. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”You repeated, rubbing his back.He shook his head, squeezing you so hard that it hurt.

You looked over to Rafe, trying to figure out what had happened. “Im sorry.”Kelce sobbed, whistling sounds coming from his nose as he tried to take deep breaths.Your hand moved to run through his hair and rub the back of his neck, feeling him start to relax a bit

. “Kelce….what happened?”You asked, your thumb tracing over his cheekbone lightly.He didnt move away from you, squeezing you tighter.He could tell by the way you and Rafe kept looking at eachother that he was freaking you guys out and it didnt exactly help with how stressed he was.

“I dont know what to do.”He cried, his nose starting to run.You didnt know what to do either, holding him and whispering into his ear.He closed his eyes, taking in deep breaths, listening to you.It couldve been minutes or hours, you werent exactly sure but it didnt really matter.

Rafe was just confused, not understand how to help or what could have happened to make Kelce act like this.You eventually got him to stand up, holding your hand as you practically dragged him.He sat on your counter, hands shaking as you got him some water and squeezed lemon juice into it.

His eyes were puffy and red, eyebrows messed up and his nose was irritated.He was a mess.You werent sure if he’d be able to hold the cup on his own, putting it next to him for when he’d be able to. “You okay, little man?”You asked, offering him a towel to wipe his nose with.

He didnt answer but took the towel anyways, holding it to his nose.Rafe came into the kitchen, looking at Kelce with a puzzled expression.Kelce let his eyes fall to Rafe’s neck, letting out a low sigh.Topper was right.

“I dont know what happened...I just got mad and I dont know.I think I blacked out...I dont know.”He muttered.Rafe nodded, understanding. “I was on the phone with Topper.And he-he said that uh….that he told you something.”He glanced over to Rafe, taking in a deep breath.

Your heart dropped into your stomach, looking over to Rafe too. “And he told me...that you and Rafe are dating.I dont know...it’s stupid.”Kelce muttered, looking down into his cup.You bit the inside of your cheek, not sure how what to say or if you should deny it or not.

“Okay...um….okay.”You nodded, thinking about it.You hadnt considered Rafe your boyfriend, things hadnt really gotten that far yet when it came to feelings.Or maybe they had. “It doesnt matter...theres just so much happening and I got stressed and everything just happened so fast and I didnt know what to do.”He explained, squeezing the towel in his hand.

There was no way of getting out of this.Why did life have to be this way? “So um….whats the main problem here?”You asked, remembering how he’d ask you that when you had an anxiety attack.He squeezed the towel harder, wanting to scream.

“Everything is the main problem!I cant-I cant just pretend anymore!Ive been pretending for years and I just cant-do you know how fucked all of this is?”He asked, the towel falling to the floor.On instinct Rafe had pulled you closer to him, not sure what was going to happen but was more than shocked when you moved away from him.

“What do you mean you’ve been pretending?”You asked, not understanding what he was talking about.He laughed, his eyes watering again. “Havent you noticed?Four years, (Y/N)!Four fucking years i’ve been in love with you and you havent noticed and im trying my best to keep it from you cause its not your problem to deal with but its hard, okay?I’ve been trying to control myself and control everyone else and I know its fucked, alright?And then Rafe just takes you away and he knows too!And he’s known about Topper-thats so goddamn fucked!”Kelce exclaimed, standing up now.

He didnt even know what he was saying, ranting about all of his thoughts. “How are you so oblivious?How have you not seen the signs?dont you see how mad Topper gets when you’re all over Rafe?If you love Rafe thats fine but could you at least let us know so that we dont have that little bit of hope?Cant you just do that for me?”He asked, his breathing shallow.Rafe looked over at you too, waiting for you to reply.He knew he loved you.He had known for a long time that it was something more than a little crush.

Topper walked up your driveway, nearly losing his balance a few times on the way to your door that was open for some reason.He was glad that it was darker out so he didnt have to worry about wearing the ugly sunglasses his doctor told him to wear.

“Guys?”He called out, hearing shouts from the kitchen.Rafe peaked out from the kitchen, frowning when he saw Topper. “What the hell is going on?”The blonde asked, coming into the kitchen.You looked over at him before looking back over to Kelce. “Topper-I think you were right.”Kelce replied quietly, looking at you.

“Can you guys shut the hell up?”Rafe asked, becoming increasingly annoyed with the situation. “Kelce, man, I get what you’re trying to say but none of this is helpful, okay?”Rafe asked, surprising himself.This was usually Kelce’s job.

“No, Rafe, it’s not okay.I cant just pretend that I dont feel the things I do anymore.I get that you dont have to hide it anymore and thats fucking fantastic for you but I dont want to hide it either, ight?”Kelce took in a deep breath, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

You felt Topper staring at you, regretting coming over here.He figured that he hadnt left things on the best note, wanting to come over and talk to you a little more since he was sure that he had freaked you out.

Somehow the four of you ended up on the floor, glancing at eachother as you all calmed down. “Rafe and I....we arent dating.”You spoke up, hoping that it wouldnt start another argument.

Rafe licked his lips, taking in a deep breath through his nose.He knew that it wasnt official but he hoped that you didnt see him as just a friend with benefits.

“You dont have to date someone to love them, (Y/N).”Topper reminded you, his eyes trapped on his casted arm that rested in its black sling.You huffed, resting the back of your head on the cabinets.

“I know, Top.I know....”You mumbled, tapping your fingertips on your kneecap. “Listen, im sorry for being a bitch.Its just...I dont know.I think I need to figure myself out.Between you guys and my parents I just bottle everything up.I shouldnt have blown up like that.”Kelce admitted, relieved when you reached over and squeezed his hand.

“I get it, bubs.You know you can always talk to us, right?”You asked, wanting to hug him tightly and never let go but you figured it woul probably be awkward for him under these circumstances.

“Yeah.”He replied, scratching at his eyebrow. “(Y/N)...you know we cant just forget that this conversation happened.We have to talk about this.”Topper spoke sternly, knowing that you would try to change the topic.Rafe nodded in agreement, wanting to know where he stood with you.

“I know, I know.But....I dont think I know how I feel if im being honest.But if-when I do ill let you guys know, okay?”You asked, your heart pounding in your chest.You were such a liar.You werent supposed to lie to your bestfriends.

They all mumbled, shrugging.It wasnt exactly understandable but you assumed that it was a yes anyways, slowly standing up.Your legs were still partly tingling because of Rafe but you were just glad you could walk.

“im going upstairs.You guys should just stay here for the night.”You told them, heading up to your bedroom quickly.You laid down on your bed, wishing that you had never slept with Rafe.Maybe that wouldnt make things so difficult for you right now.You couldnt imagine how upset you had made Rafe just a few moments ago.

“It doesnt matter if she ends up dating me, you know she cares about you guys more than anything else.”Rafe told them, biting the inside of his cheek.Topper chuckled, shaking his head.

“You always get everything you want, Rafe.You get all her attention and even when I was in the hospital all she cared about was you.”He replied, glaring at his friend.Kelce groaned, resting his head against his palm.

“We had to drag her out of the hospital, Topper.Literally.”He laid down on the tile floor, staring at the ceiling. “Come on, Kelce.She goes to you about everything.You know a whole side of her that we’ve never seen.That’s special.”Topper answered, wondering what kind of secrets Kelce knew that he didnt.Kelce’s eyes widened, sitting up again.

“Wait-she doesnt tell you guys about our cooking talks?”Kelce asked.They shook their heads, chuckling. “Nope, might as well tell us about it.”Rafe grinned, excited to hear stories.Kelce smiled, feeling his face heat up.That meant it was his special thing that he had with you and noone else.

“hmm...no.I’ll just keep it to myself.”Kelce answered, hearing them groan. “Wow, I see how it is.”Topper smiled.They sat on the floor talking for hours, eventually getting up and making a huge pot of ramen.

“So what did you miss most while you were in the hospital?”Kelce asked, stirring the noodles. “Movie nights, one thousand percent.”He grabbed a bowl from the cabinet.

He thought about it constantly at night when you were asleep next to him on the hospital bed.He wondered what movies you’d all be watching together if he hadnt left the house that night.Rafe smiled, grabbing a fork.

“We can have one of those now.I’ll go get (Y/N).”He turned to leave but was stopped by Kelce. “I’ll go.”He said quickly, not waiting for an answer before jogging upstairs.You had fallen asleep face down on your bed, snoring into the pillow.He stood in the doorway for a moment, listening to your breathing.

He sat at the foot of the bed, tapping your leg lightly. “Nooo....”You mumbled, moving your arms under the pillow to get more comfortable. “(Y/N), do you want some ramen?”Kelce asked, trying not to laugh.

“hmmm....”You hummed into the pillow. “(Y/N).”He whispered again. “Whatttt?”You asked, voice muffled by the pillowcase. “Ramen.”He repeated, feeling you shift around.

“What kind?”You asked, still half asleep. “Chicken with butter and garlic and fried egg.”He answered.You placed your head back on the pillow, thinking about it but slowly drifting into sleep again.

“(Y/N).”He laughed, laying down to face you. “Yeah?”You asked, eyes squinting. “Ramen.”He repeated once more.You hummed, wrapping your arms around him. “No.”You answered.

“You dont want ramen?”He asked, pressing a light kiss to your forehead. “Yeah.”You answered, mouth slightly open as your face pressed against his shirt. “You want ramen?”He asked, scratching at your side.

“Yeah.”You answered, your voice high pitched from sleep. “You gotta get up.”He told you, smiling to himself when your grip tightened. “No.”You answered, your leg falling across his stomach.

“then you dont get ramen.”he answered. “Rude.”You grumbled, refusing to move off of him.He laughed, glad that you werent acting any different after everything that had happened.

He held on tight to you, rolling off the bed. “Put me down.”You yawned, wrapping your arms around him. “No.”He answered, walking down the stairs with you.The scent of ramen and garlic filled your nostrils, hearing a bowl being set down on the marble countertop.

Kelce put you down on one of the chairs, pushing a bowl of ramen in front of you.They were just poking at their noodies, swirling them onto their forks before letting it fall back into the bowl.

“My mom called.”Topper blew on some noodles before shoving them in his mouth. “Shes mad about the car.She’s still in California.”He replied, getting another bite full.

“At least you dont have to deal with her.”Rafe shrugged, looking for the brightside of things.Topper just hummed, staring into his bowl.None of you spoke after that, eating some ramen but not bothering to put the dishes in the sink.

“Topper wanted to have a movie night.”Rafe mumbled, glancing over to Topper.You simply nodded, getting up and going into the living room.You curled yourself up into the corner of the couch, a pillow to your chest.

Kelce was on the other end of the couch, Topper on the floor next to him while Rafe sat not too far in front of you, reaching for the remote.Everything just felt so dead.

You wanted to reach out and play with Rafe’s hair or lean against Kelce but you knew not to for the sake of the others.You tried watching the movie, the volume low so that it wouldnt hurt Topper’s head.

It was some sort of dog movie from the early 2000s.Kelce was the first to fall asleep, snoring against the arm rest.Rafe was confused, not understanding what was going on.He was the second to fall asleep, face in the carpet not even half way through the movie.

“Top, you awake?”You whispered, the movie in a dark scene right now. “Yeah, why?”He asked, looking over in your direction. “I dunno.You wanna talk?”You asked, keeping your voice quiet so you wouldnt bother Rafe or Kelce.Topper hummed, standing up slowly.

“You wanna go outside?”He asked, already heading for the slider door.You followed him outside, hearing crickets and the sound of you pool.The two of you sat on the pavement by the water, staring at the lit up pool.

“What do you want to talk about?”He asked, sticking his feet into the water.You just shrugged, not really knowing. “Do you wanna talk about earlier?”You asked, hoping that it wasnt too forward.

“What about it?”He asked.You sighed, regretting bringing it up again. “I dont know, I just think we left off at a bad note.”You replied, sticking your hand in the water out of curiosity. “Yeah, yeah we did.But its either you love me or you dont, either is fine.”He replied, ignoring the pit in his stomach.

You remained silent, thinking. “Do you think its possible to love more than one person at a time?”You asked.His eyebrows raised at your words, blowing out a puff of air.

“Well, its possible to hate more than one person at a time.Love and Hate are the same thing in the end.”He answered, kicking his feet back and forth under the surface of the water.

“What does that mean?”You asked, not used to him saying things like that. “Well think about it.Love is just an extreme like and hate is just an extreme dislike.So if it was in a circle that means that hate and love touch.”He answered, dragging his fingernail against the pavement to make a small circle.

You nodded, flicking his finger. “So you think I can love more than one person at once?”You asked, wanting him to clarify.He nodded slowly. “I mean, you love Bucky and Henry Bowers and Jack Frost.Real people arent that different.We might be less attractive but not that different.”He answered, reaching for your hand.

“Its okay if you havent figured things out yet, just let me know when you do.”He flashed you a grin that you could tell wasnt genuine. “But you know I love you no matter what, right?Like....even if I dont love you like that I still love you.”You told him, squeezing his hand lightly.

He nodded. “I know, bitch.”He laughed. “The only bitch here is you, bottom.”You replied, hoping he wouldnt push you into the water. “Last time I checked I wasnt a female dog.”He smiled, chuckling when you rolled your eyes. “What are you?12?”You asked.He nodded. “On the inside.”He replied.

Two chapters left-FUCK IM NOT READY

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blookmallow · 3 years

Text

hi uhh this video about Anxiety Is Good Actually keeps being on my dash and its making me mad so this is me breaking it down

if this kind of thinking helps you im not trying to destroy your coping methods but it just feels so far removed from what the actual experience of anxiety is

i understand the value in trying to redirect negative self-thoughts into positive ones ( “i worry about people all the time” --> “i care deeply about people i love”) but there’s ways to do that without just, denying there’s anything wrong?? this just feels like the. whole issue with romanticizing mental illness/not moving toward positive recovery because I Dont Need To Change Myself when its actively harming you (not to mention “anxiety is good and helpful” is uh, not a great thing to say to someone with anxiety, bc then you get more anxiety spirals of ‘wait if this is how anxiety is for other people then whats wrong with me, i must be doing something wrong. i shouldnt need help and be having breakdowns bc apparently its easy and even beneficial to other people’ i dont need to be anxious about how im doing anxiety wrong lmfao)

- where is this “anxiety means you’re intelligent” claim coming from. says Who. hyperanalyzing and overthinking constantly doesn’t make you Smarter, anxiety brain isn’t “im carefully and logically considering all the possibilities” it’s your brain trapping itself in a hell spiral of “what if what if what if” to the point where it becomes increasingly difficult to come to any conclusion at all. it’s not “considering all possible outcomes rationally” it’s “im spending 30 minutes worrying about the least likely thing to happen in a way that is not constructive and i need to recognize that and get myself back on track with whats actually relevant”

my critical thinking is actively impaired by my anxiety. i sometimes have to go take a nap for 3 hours to reset my brain before i can even approach a problem because my brain is just going “no no no no no too big too scary i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant” too loudly for me to even consider any options at all. “anxiety can make you better at decision making!” is the biggest fucking bullshit claim i have ever seen. anxiety PREVENTS me from decision making. it makes decision making a huge ridiculous ordeal when it really doesn’t need to be. i have to go through a whole process of quieting my anxiety down and working around it in order to do anything at all. its like if you had an alarm system for your house but it went off just constantly all the time for no reason and you have to keep getting up to turn it off. eventually you’re going to have a hard time being able to identify when it’s actually going off because someone’s breaking into your house and when it’s just Doing That Thing Again and you keep losing track of what you were doing because you keep getting interrupted by having to turn that stupid alarm off again

anxiety isn’t “constantly looking for how to solve things” its “constantly thinking of new problems that could exist” in a way that is not beneficial. ill be sitting here feeling sick and completely disoriented for an hour because What If The Customer Service Guy On The Phone Thought I Was Stupid. Maybe I Am Stupid. Maybe I Was Accidentally Rude In Some Way I Never Considered And He’s Going “Wow What A Stupid Rude Bitch That Was” for literally no reason. sure that also means “i have empathy for other people and i want to be polite and not make someone else’s life difficult” but im mostly just thinking about How Stupid I Am, You Stupid Fucking Idiot which is not helpful

like if i recognize “this is my anxiety talking” and just. silenzio bruno. ignore that, put that away, move on, focus. that’s a much more healthy way to cope than indulging it on another spiral of “how is this Actually My Little Anxiety Buddy Trying To Help Me” trying to find some meaning and purpose in it isn’t going to help. anxiety is irrational. that’s what it Is. it’s okay and actually healthy to realize that. my best coping skill is to just say “okay, that was a brain glitch. that wasn’t my fault. im not stupid, my brain just has bad wiring. ignore that. keep going”

- “we can think of it as our anxiety giving us an extra energy boost to get things done” fucking WHAT?? i cant get anything done because of my anxiety. i will bury myself in 19 blankets and stare at tumblr for 5 hours because my brain Won’t Start and i feel sick and worried and shaky for literally no reason instead of like, getting up and cleaning my room. and then i spend another hour thinking about how useless i am for not cleaning my room. i can only get things done at all bc i have medication that makes my anxiety quieter

- they have this cute little image of “anxiety” telling you to tell the store person you need more time to decide as if it’s there shouting solutions and advice when really it’s more like “GO GO GO GO YOU HAVE TO ANSWER NOW YOU’RE TAKING TOO LONG YOU’RE HOLDING UP THE LINE YOU’RE BEING THAT GUY HURRY HURRY HURRY HURRY IF YOU DON’T DECIDE SOMETHING IN 3 SECONDS EVERYONE IN THE STORE WILL HATE YOU AND YOU WILL DIE” its not constructive, it’s not a helpful little advice friend, it’s just random loud static you have to work around constantly. of course it’s okay to need a second to process because of your anxiety but that’s not what anxiety Does. i cant ask for a second to process because my anxiety is so loud i cant think and it has convinced me if i dont act normal Right The Fuck Now everyone will hate me forever. i guess a more effective illustration would be like, the Anxiety entity going “AAAAAAA” and instead of you thinking “im stupid and terrible because i cant control that thing” you go “hang on a second, i need a minute” and you step away to calm it down. instead of. the anxiety just offering you a solution. for itself. i dont understand this video

like. what the fuck are you talking about. “you can do it!! you got this!” is literally the exact fucking polar opposite of what anxiety brain is like

#pinned

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