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atlafan · 3 years

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Part One - “Call me Jane.”

a/n: here’s part one of nanny!H, I’m very excited about this series. I’m not sure how many parts it’s going to be, so please don’t ask lmao. Once I know how many parts it’ll be, I’ll make a master post for it. I’m just too excited not at least share the first part because Harry is just too cute in this! Feedback and reblogs are super helpful, and keep me motivated, especially when it comes to writing series. (not proofread) You can support me here if you’re able!

Warnings: none...for now

Words: 4.1K

Pairing: Harry x OC (Jane Watson)

Master Post

Harry found himself in a real bind. He was twenty-six years old, had an early childhood education degree, and the daycare he worked at was going under. He had just been promoted a month prior too, how could things go wrong so quickly? Times like this he really hated that he stayed in the states. Childcare services weren’t nearly as fucked up back home. His dream was to save up enough money to open up his own pre-school at some point, but it was really tough.

There was this weird stigma that if adult men wanted to work with babies and toddlers then that made them a pedophile or something of the sort. That wasn’t the case with Harry. His minor in school was psychology because cognitive development intrigued him. He also loved babies and little ones. He loved watching them learn and discover.

Only now, he was without a job in an already struggling field. He and the other employees weren’t exactly given a big notice before they were told the business was going under. Harry mostly felt bad for the parents of the kids that had to find new child care centers. He knew he’d have to compete with his co-workers for any available jobs, and he knew they were bound to find places before him because they were women. It was their fault, and he knew it. He was experiencing a prejudice that they must face all the time.

He looked into Care.com, but none of the jobs on there seemed like long-term gigs, and he didn’t want to just be a glorified baby sitter. He figured if he could find a well paying nannying job, he could do that for a bit until finding a job at a new facility, or even set up his dream pre-school. During his search on Indeed, he saw a position for a live-in nanny – jackpot! Live-in meant long-term, and long-term meant lots of money. It also meant he could get rid of his apartment and not have to pay rent for a while. He clicked on the ad that was posted only a couple of weeks ago.

Live-in Nanny Needed for Help with Eight-Month-Old

Minimum requirements:

· Bachelor’s in either early childhood education or elementary education

· At least two years’ experience working babies/children

Three professional references required

Applicant is subject to thorough background check for the safety of the child and mother.

Other tasks as needed include:

· Cooking

· Light cleaning

· Grocery shopping/running other errands

If applicant is selected, they will be paid a flat rate of $1600 bi-weekly, will live in “in-law” section of the house, and a car will be provided for them. A resume, cover letter, and three professional references may be sent directly to [email protected]

After reading everything over, this seemed like Harry’s best bet. Some of it seemed a little too good to be true, but this was a risk he needed to take right now. He just hoped the position hadn’t already been filled. That night he spent some time updating his LinkedIn, making sure all of his privacy settings were up to date on all of his social media, and then wrote out a resume and cover letter. The last part was his least favorite because he knew a proper resume and cover letter had to be curated to the specific job, and it made things all the more tedious. By the time he was done, it was late. He didn’t want to seem unprofessional, so he waited to send the email until the next morning.

Subject: Nannying Advert on Indeed

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Good morning,

My name is Harry and I’m interested in the nannying advert you’ve posted on Indeed. For the last four years I’ve been working at P.B. & J.’s Child Care Center, and was recently promoted to team lead. Unfortunately, the business itself couldn’t remain afloat, and I was laid off.

Attached are my resume and cover letter. I’d be happy to provide the three references if I end up being considered for the position.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Harry

Treat People With Kindness

He closes his laptop with a satisfied sigh after proofreading his email ten different times before he hit send. He takes a sip from his coffee, and sits back on his sofa. Now all he had to do was wait.

There was radio silence for two days. Harry was starting to think he would need to keep job hunting. He had bills to pay, and the last thing he wanted to do was ask his parents for help. They already looked down on his profession as it was. If he had his own car he’d become an uber driver or something, but he didn’t so he couldn’t. Then, by some stroke of luck, at 4:55PM on a Thursday, he gets an email from the address he had been hoping to see pop up.

Subject: Re: Nannying Advert on Indeed

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Good evening Harry,

My name is Jane Watson, thank you so much for your application. My apologies it has taken me a couple of days to get back to you. I am usually more responsive, but things have been a little crazy at work as of late. Upon further review of your resume and over letter, I would like to offer you an interview this Saturday at noon, if you are available. I can be flexible if that day and time do not work for you.

If you are able to come, and are still interested in the position, I ask that you please bring your references with you. I will want to call them right away. I am sure you can understand me wanting to thoroughly look into you before letting you into my daughter’s life.

I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

All my best,

Jane

Harry responded to her right away, he didn’t care how eager he seemed. He told her Saturday at noon worked great, and that he would definitely have his references, and anything else he needed to provide. She emailed him back an hour or so later with her cell phone number and address. For the first time in a while, Harry felt like he could breathe again. He knew it wasn’t a done deal that he’d be getting the job, but he was being given a chance, and for that he was thankful.

He wanted to make a good first impression on Saturday, so he made sure to wash his hair in the shower, and use his good mousse so his hair would look more orderly. He shaved to give himself that clean and sleek look, this was not a day to appear scruffy. He knew he didn’t need to be overly dressed up, but he also knew that you’re supposed to dress for the job you want and not the job you have. He irons a pair of tan slacks and pairs it with a blue button up. Not to brag, but his bum looked great in these slacks, and it was giving him all the confidence in the world. He puts on a floral tie, just to show a bit of his personality, makes sure his nail polish isn’t chipped, and makes sure all of his rings are looking shiny. He takes an uber out to Jane’s house. It was in a gated community, which he was expecting since he looked up the house beforehand. He wondered what she or her husband did for work to live in a place like this. Or perhaps she inherited the home? Either way, he was excited.

He thanks the driver, and knocks on the door as he was instructed to do. A woman with silver hair that was up in a nice bun opens the door.

“Hello, you must be Mr. Styles.” She smiles.

“Yes, hello.” He smiles back.

“I’m MaryAnne, please come in.” She steps aside to let Harry in.

“Thank you.”

“Miss Watson is just pumping, but you can wait for her here in her office.” She leads Harry down a corridor where he meets a grand double door. MaryAnne opens them and shows him inside. “Make yourself comfortable, dear. Can I get you anything? Coffee, water, tea?”

“I’m all set, but thank you very much.”

The woman nods and leaves him in the room alone. He stays standing as he didn’t want to assume where he should be sitting. There was a gorgeous desk with two chairs on the other side, but there was also a small round table with four chairs around it in the corner. She clearly held a lot of meetings here, or so it would seem. To pass the time he looks over her bookshelves, scanning over what she might be into. She seemed to be into fiction, but he had never heard of any of the books on some of the shelves, or the author. She had several by the same person. Before he could look further, he heard the clacking of heels on the hardwood floors approaching him.

Everything stopped when she walked in. Jane had her hair up in a flowing ponytail, a white blouse covered her top half, he notices that the first few buttons were left undone, probably to help with her pumping, and she had a black pencil skirt on that just came to her knees. She was short, and a little voluptuous, not that Harry was checking her out.

“Hello, Mr. Styles, I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” He goes to stick his hand out for her to shake, but she walks around him and sits down at her desk. “Please, have a seat.”

He swallows and sits down.

“Y-you can just call me Harry if you like, Mrs. Watson.”

“I’m a Miss not a missus.” She says as she takes out a folder with a few sheets in it and a pen. “It says here you graduated Summa Cum Laude from Lesley University. That’s an incredible place to get a degree in education.”

“Thank you, I got a pretty decent scholarship, it was my reach school. I minored in psychology as well. I did my practicum hours at a daycare center that specialized in caring for children with disabilities. So, I’ve worked with all sorts of children. I prefer working with infants and toddlers, though.”

“And why is that?” She looks at him, clicking her pen, ready to take notes.

“Well, I just have more fun with them, to be honest. I like watching them discover new things. My favorite thing to do while working in the baby room at my last job was working with the babies on their tummy times. It was always rewarding to watch them get stronger. I feel like I just bond with them better.”

“I need to ask you some personal questions since this is a live-in position.”

“Of course.” Harry nods.

“Are you in any sort of relationship with anyone?”

“No, I’m single.”

“Have you ever been arrested, or do you have any sort of criminal history?”

“No.”

“I’m not one to judge, I think everyone deserves a second chance, I just have to ask these sort of things.” She says.

“I don’t have a criminal record, Miss Watson.”

“History of drug use?”

“I smoked a bit of weed when I was younger, but I don’t anymore. An edible once in a while, maybe, but never when I’m on the clock.”

“Just marijuana?”

“I’ve done shrooms a few times, but nothing other than that. Stupid kid stuff.”

“Again, not judging. I’d prefer you don’t have any drugs in the house, unless they’re for medical use. I know edibles can be prescribed by doctors for anxiety and whatnot.” Harry nods at that. “What about alcohol? You’re twenty-six, you must enjoy a drink after a long day.”

“A glass of red once in a while, sure.” He nods. “But I’m not really a heavy drinker, I never have been. I’d say if anything I’m a social drinker, but you watch me carefully at a party you’ll notice that I nurse the same drink.” He smirks.

“I’m the same way. A little bit of a buzz is fun, but anything more can be a bit scary. I actually cannot remember the last time I had a real drink.” She looks off in thought.

“Well, can’t you drink now that the baby’s here?”

“And have to succumb to a pump and dump?” She scoffs. “No way, that would be a total waste. It’s torture enough to sit there while a machine sucks the milk out of my-“ She stops herself. “Sorry.” She shakes her head. “Anyways, your resume was impressive, and you were quite articulate in your cover letter. You’re the only candidate I’ve invited for an interview.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She nods. “I really wanted someone with experience, not someone fresh out of college looking for a place to live. You’d really be okay with living here?”

“Honestly, you’d be doing me a favor. My long-term goal is to either have a daycare or pre-school of my own someday. Not having to pay rent for a while would really help me save up for that.”

“That’s an incredible goal to have, Harry.” She smiles, impressed by his ambition. “What questions do you have for me?”

“I just want to clarify, your daughter is eight months?” Jane nods. “And what’s her name?”

“Lilly.” Jane smiles.

“That’s a beautiful name.” Harry smiles. “Why exactly do you need a live-in nanny?”

“I work a lot.” She sighs. “And I’m a single mom. I want her to always have someone here that she can depend on and feel comfortable with. Sometimes my work drags me out in the middle of the night, or I have to take a phone call at an odd hour. I just want someone else here in case I can’t be if something comes up.”

“So, her father’s not in the picture?”

“No.” Her features sour a bit. “He doesn’t even know she exists to be perfectly honest with you. I found out I was pregnant after we broke up, and I decided not to tell him about her. He was a deadbeat moocher, he would have been useless.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but thank you for telling me. May I ask, how old are you?”

“Twenty-nine, does that matter?”

“No! No, I was just more so curious. You seem pretty successful to be in a home like this. In the advert, you stated I’d be given a car as well, that’s not exactly cheap.”

“You’ll be given access to one of my cars.” She says. “I’m not giving you a car, make no mistake about that.” She smirks. “I’m an author, a successful one.” Harry tries to think if he’s ever heard of a Jane Watson before, but he’s coming up blank. “You’ve never heard of me because I have a pen name. If it’s all the same, I don’t really want to share it with you. Not yet, anyways.”

“Sure…wait…are you offering me the job?”

“Not quite. I’d like you to meet my daughter. I want to see how she interacts with you.”

“I’d love to meet Lilly.” He smiles.

“Great, before we do that, do you have more questions?”

“Yes, who’s MaryAnne? Is she, like, a maid or housekeeper?”

“No.” Jane laughs. “She’s my personal assistant. I usually answer the door myself, but pumping took a bit longer than usual.”

“When did you publish your first work?”

“When I was twenty.” She smiles. “I was still in school, and I decided just to self-publish. It took off, and a few companies reached out to me. I eventually got an agent, and the rest was history. I’m a fast writer, I’m able to churn out more projects than most people, and for whatever reason they keep becoming hits. One of the reasons I travel a lot is that a couple of my works are being turned into television shows, and working out those contracts is a lot. I want to be a part of the process to make sure the stories are told correctly.”

“That’s incredible!”

“it is.” She nods. “I never thought I’d be a television producer, but here I am. I don’t really want Lilly around all that, so there’s another reason for having a live-in nanny.”

“This may seem like a silly question, but will I have time off?”

“Oh my goodness, of course! The salary is negotiable as well. You’ll have weekends off, as well as all bank and national holidays. You’ll also earn vacation time and sick leave like at any other job. You’ll be given a benefits package as well, if you need health insurance.”

“You…you provide stuff like that?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“I’ve just never heard of a nannying job quite like this before.” He blinks. “It feels too good to be true.”

“I’m just a firm believer in compensating someone properly. I believe in investing in the people you have.”

“Right.” He swallows. He almost starting to feel like he was going to be her sugar baby or something, but he obviously knew that wasn’t the case. “You asked me about my dating life, what about yours?”

“I’m also single. Lilly is my top priority, and then comes my work. I’m completely fulfilled as is.” She stands from her desk. “Come, I’ll give you a tour of the house, and of the in-law space, and then you can meet Lilly.”

“Okay.” He stands up and follows her out of the office.

She shows him the living room, which felt more like a study. There was an entertainment room with a huge flat screen, deluxe loungers, a pool table, and bar. She shows him to the kitchen which was equally as extravagant. She brings him upstairs to show him all of the bedrooms.

“This is Lilly’s room.” Jane says proudly.

“it’s beautiful, I love the light purple.”

“So do I.” She says. “My room is down the hall, don’t think you need a tour of that.” She laughs and they head back downstairs. “Here’s the inside entrance to the in-law, but there’s also an exterior entrance you can use…or if you have guests over.” Harry’s in awe of the space. It was larger than his apartment. “It’s a one bedroom flat essentially. There’s a full bath en suite, and there’s a half bath over there. Open concept kitchen and living area. It’s fully furnished as well. Feel free to decorate it however you like. I just ask that this space stays yours. There’s really no reason for you to bring Lilly in here, you know?”

“Sure, yeah. This is amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it. Let’s just hope Lilly like you.” Jane smirks, and they head back to the main part of the house, and into Lilly’s playroom. She was sitting with MaryAnne in a large rocking chair. “M, you can feel free to go back to your office if you like. Harry’s going to get acquainted with Lilly.”

“Of course.” MaryAnne stands up with the baby, and hands her over to Jane.

“She has an office here too?” Harry asks.

“Of course she does, and one of the guest rooms upstairs is hers to use when she needs it.” She kisses the top of her daughter’s head. “Lilly,” she coos, “I have someone I’d like you to meet.” She gestures for Harry to take her, and he happily does so.

“Hey, baby girl.” Harry coos. Bright hazel eyes look up at him in wonder. He lets her latch onto his index finger. “It’s so nice to meet you.” He looks at Jane. “She’s precious, Miss Watson.”

“Isn’t she?” Jane beams. “She’s really been enjoying her bouncy, and messing around with her blocks. I have some CD’s I like having her listen to as well. Oh! We did a paint with pudding night as a sensory play thing, it was a hoot.” She chuckles.

“Those are great, aren’t they? Very stimulating, and it teaches the child that sometimes messes are okay.” He looks down at Lilly and smiles. “May I sit with her in the rocking chair?”

“Please!” She gestures to it, and she sits down on the loveseat in the room. Harry sits down with Lilly, cradling her carefully. He adjusts her so she’s able to stand on his lap. She bounces herself and giggles. “Look at that!” Jane exclaims. “I love it when she does that.”

“She’s awfully sweet.” Harry smiles, and then he looks at Jane. “How much do you feed her?”

“I give her roughly twenty-four to thirty-two ounces a day. You’ll know how hungry she is or isn’t in the moment. I’ve started giving her pureed butternut squash, mashed bananas and strawberries, she’s got that puffed baby cereal as well. I’ve also started giving her ground chicken in really small doses just to get her some protein, but right now I’ve mostly been sticking to fruits and veggies. You must know a lot about what foods to give a baby?”

“I do.” He nods. “You’re still producing that much milk to give her daily?”

“I’ve almost been wishing I’d dry up. I get so sore somedays.” Jane sighs. “But I figure it’s good for her to have it while I can still make it. I’m not opposed to formular or anything…but I like bonding with her in that way. I got rid of her baby acne by rubbing my nipple on her skin, it was like magic.”

“It’s certainly a trick of the trade.” He smirks at her. “I remember learning that in one of my courses, and I was amazed. You all are super humans.”

Jane watches Harry play on the ground with Lilly for a bit. Harry was already so wonderful with her. Harry starts to smell something, and so does Jane.

“Think it’s time for a diaper change.” He chuckles and picks her up. “Would you like me to change her?”

“Yeah, I’d like to see you do it.”

He brings Lilly over to the changing table, and lays her down.

“I know you’re all warm and cozy, but I need to disrupt that for a moment.” He says to the baby girl who was babbling and blowing little spit bubbles, totally unbothered. Harry unsnaps her onesie, and lifts her legs to detach the diaper. His eyes widen at the type of diaper that’s on her. “You cloth diaper?” He looks at Jane.

“It’s better for the environment.” She shrugs. “There’s a trashcan for the…um, poop, and there’s another can for the diapers. I give her a regular diaper for bedtime just because it’s easier to change her in the middle of the night and in the morning, but daytime I use the cloth diapers.”

“Makes sense to me.” Harry disposes of everything, and grabs a few wipes to clean Lilly up. She took a powerful stinky.

“I blame it on the pureed peas.” Jane laughs.

“It doesn’t even phase me anymore, honestly.” Harry says as he gets a little baby powder on her. He grabs a spare cloth diaper, and gets it on her. He snaps her onesie back together and lifts her up. “There we go, good as new, darling girl.” Lilly blows some bubbles at Harry, and blows some back, making her giggle. Jane beams at the two of them.

“It’s about time for her afternoon nap. Would you like to put her down?”

“I’d love to.”

Harry carries Lilly upstairs with Jane. She flips on Lilly’s white noise machine, and makes sure her favorite blankies are in the crib. Harry sits down in the large chair in the corner of the room and starts to rock her gently, giving her soothing rubs. Jane watches as Lilly’s eyelids start to droop. She fights it at first, but Harry continues to soothe her until she’s out like a light. He carefully stands up and sets her down into her crib. The two back out of the room quietly, and make their way down the stairs.

“Let’s go back to my office.” Jane says, and Harry follows her there. Once they’re both seated, she starts speaking again. “Well, the job is yours if you want it.”

“Really?” Harry felt every worry from his life leave his body.

“Yes.” She chuckles. “You’ve really impressed me, and I think Lilly’s quite taken with you already. I’d love to have you as her nanny.” She takes out a few forms. “May I have your references? The background check will take about a week. How soon could you start after that?”

“Right away, honestly.” He hands her a sheet with his references.

“Here are the tax forms you’ll need to fill out, a form for direct deposit, and some information on your benefits. You can get everything back to me by the end of next week.”

“I can’t thank you enough for this opportunity, I’m so excited. I can’t wait to get started, Miss Watson.” He stands to shake her hand, and she stands as she takes it.

“Please, you can call me Jane.”

#love's divine #love's divine part one #call me jane #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles au #harry styles series #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x oc #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #nanny!Harry #nanny!H #nannerry

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a-libra-writes · 3 years

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Omg oof uh what do you think the Bolton men would do if their s/o cheated on them?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

dead dove do not eat

I mean, no matter what this isn't going to turn out great for the s/o. Not only are these the two men you'd definitely not what to betray, Westeros is pretty backwards where women are concerned - especially if you're married. At least if you're not a woman you've just got their wrath to deal with, not a serious social stigma. That being said ... ...

Whoever you were with - for whatever reason - will be dead. Ramsay does it in a fit of passion and rage; Roose has barely contained anger, but he imprisons them first. Don't be fooled, this is just a delayed death.

If they meant nothing to you, that's for the better. If you actually cared, or you just don't want them to die horribly, you still shouldn't try to defend them. That'll just make their fate worse. Roose can tell if you actually cared or not, Ramsay's too angry and betrayed to care.

In both their cases, you'll get locked up. It'll be in a decent room with all the things you need, but it's still a prison cell. It doesn't matter if you hit the door, beg, scream or cry, but maybe it's best to keep quiet. Ramsay is absolutely volatile and Roose is alternating between ice cold and volatility just simmering under the surface.

Their reactions would also highly depend on how long they've been with you. If you literally just got dragged into an arranged marriage, it's more about the principle of betrayal. If they actually developed feelings and you've been in the Dreadfort for a while, oof.

For the latter part, they'll become even more possessive and controlling. It seems you can't be trusted. You should stay in there until you learn. Ramsay's possession will manifest in a lot of anger, manic energy and very dubious consent. There's a hurt he can't identify, or maybe doesn't want to identify. So he lashes out.

For Roose, he's bothered by how much the betrayal hurts. He should have known better. He did force you to the Dreadfort in the first place. He should have known you weren't happy. But maybe he thought you'd be too afraid to try something like this. He's annoyed he didn't see it sooner, and decides keeping you in this room is a good lesson. He won't be so careless next time.

(The servants haven't seen you in weeks or months and they're terrified you might be dead).

(It might be only Roose/Ramsay and the Maester that are visiting you and bringing you food).

If you were with Ramsay, he'll let you out when his possessiveness and rage subsides ... and when Roose finally loses his patience and commands him to release you. Roose lectures you on what a stupid thing it was to do, you're lucky you aren't dead, so on and so on. You note he doesn't bother to scold Ramsay for killing who you were with or tossing you in there in the first place.

Though if it was Roose you were with, you may not get out for quite a while. Unlike his bastard, he can easily explain away your absence. He doesn't let you out until he's felt you've begged or apologized enough... and after his own stubborn, upset feelings have passed.

#ramsay bolton x reader #roose bolton x reader #libra headcanons #lord this better not bring weird fans to me h e l p #these are not good men LOL

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d6official · 3 years

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K-pop’s Jae Park on the panic attack that triggered him to deal with his mental health issues

Jae Park of Day6 realised he hasn’t been doing well for a long time while on a car ride in April, when he was thinking he was going to die.

The 28-year-old K-pop singer-guitarist later learned he wasn’t having a heart attack, but was experiencing an intense panic attack born out of his struggle with anxiety.

“When you come to this … I wouldn’t say peaceful resolution, but a very frightening resolution that, ‘Yeah, I might die in here and I’m going to have to accept that,’ your perspective on things kind of changes,” he reveals.

“I realised I was putting things off for so, so long that I’d become numb to the fact that it was slowly physically manifesting. I was always a believer that you can just ride things out, even if you’re sick you go on stage and start working, and you won’t feel sick any more. Even if you have a headache, you sleep, you wake up, you feel better. I was always that kind of person. But it didn’t feel like that in that car ride.”

Now Park, who typically is known just as “Jae” in the K-pop world, is in a better place; he’s working on facing the circumstances of his life and making changes to take care of himself, including taking medication that helps take the edge off.

“I’ve been feeling a lot better, and learning more and more. After it happened I started delving deeper into the mental health aspect of what was going on with me as a person,” he says.

“[Poor} mental health isn’t a choice you make, but something that occurs to you due to your choices. You don’t choose whether to allow yourself to succumb to it, you just over time build up to the point where eventually everything crumbles down. You ignore your worries.

“You sweep everything under the rug, all your emotions, enough times for [it] to flip over eventually with everything on top of it.”

He’s since made it his aim to spread awareness of the impact of toxic positivity and of the importance of treating mental health as normally as treating physical health, because he spent the majority of his life unaware of the connection and the potential of his mental state to impact his physical health.

“It’s not something I want people to go through, so if I can do anything in this world before I leave it, let’s raise some awareness. And so if maybe someone has an episode like me, they’ll be able to look back on my interview or see through the campaign that, ‘Oh, this might be a panic attack.’

“I’ve since learned after that incident that a lot of panic attack first-timers assume they’re having heart attacks. It’s this imminent feeling that you’re going to die. On the walk home, I was crying.

“I don’t know if it was tears of joy or fear, but I just remember crying a lot.”

Why Jae Park launched his clothing line

Jae recently teamed up with charitable apparel brand Represent to launch his From Friends clothing line, one of the aims of which is to remind people that it is okay to turn to friends when they’re having a rough time, rather than always putting on a happy face and pushing emotions aside.

“I really wanted to let people know that it’s okay not to be okay. That’s what caused me not being able to function. If you’re still at a stage where you’re not sure if you’re okay, talk to friends. Talk about it, and realise you may be going through something bigger than you think.

“I’m not saying over-exaggerate every emotional hurdle you jump over, but I knew what I was doing when I was sweeping things under the rug.

“If you’re not at that point where you have to get on medication or need therapy or some other kind of treatment, you need to maybe stop what you’re doing and look at yourself real quick before you have an incident.”

Through the collaboration, Jae and Represent donated US$100,000 to the Jed Foundation, an organisation combating mental health stigma and raising awareness of suicide prevention among America’s youth. The artist grew up in California and only began pursuing a career in South Korea’s music world while taking a break from college back in 2012.

Jae wants to focus on talking about the experience with younger people, because he wishes someone had told him about the potential impact of ignoring mental health.

“‘From Friends’ was a thought that I had, that it would be more personable and relatable if the message came from a friend. ‘As a friend, I want to let you know that I screwed myself over by doing this, so this is my advice to you and I hope you take a look at yourself.’ Not the ‘yes’ men around you, your friends who are always telling you things are great even when they aren’t. Real friends will tell you when something is wrong. ‘You don’t seem like yourself these days, maybe take a step back and look at yourself?’”

Following his panic attack in the car and starting on medication, Jae said some of his friends pointed out to him he’s a bit more solemn and has a less bright personality.

There is stigma about mental health medication in this regard, but Jae feels it’s not impacting him negatively, but rather he’s able to rein in his need to be overenthusiastic and upbeat to compensate for feeling low.

One thing Jae really wants to combat is toxic positivity, which he feels he was constantly leaning into prior to his panic attack in April; he would often attempt to put on a good face and put good energy into the world in a way that’s idealised without internalising his own feelings.

He says he’s still learning to really understand the idea, but thinks it’s along the lines of not really believing something but saying it regardless to try to seem a certain way publicly, or manifesting good energy when it’s not necessarily there.

Jae feels his chosen field of work hasn’t necessarily helped the situation, and he’s grappling with that while trying to raise discussions.

Is K-pop part of the problem?

“Especially, I feel like [K-pop] idols are … supposed to uphold a standard of perfection, but that in itself I think is a form of toxic positivity. It’s extremely, extremely toxic, more than most people think. We’re role models, right?

“If we’re always picture perfect, squeaky shiny, and always for the right causes, never have an opinion [on] anything, what happens when the people who look up to us have an opinion? When they’re not squeaky perfect? If they’re comparing themselves to us, they may think, ‘My favourite singer is always happy. He’s always cheery. But I’m sad. That’s strange.’ What kind of role model is that?”

Change is happening slowly in the industry, and artists are increasingly talking about their own states of mental health. The past few years have seen several K-pop artists go on hiatus to take care of themselves. But there’s still more work to do, according to Jae.

“I think people need to be more real. I think people need to be more transparent. Mental health has become a wider known issue these days, so I think more people are open to talking about it.

“We preach that it’s okay to be normal, but it’s not something that we actually show, don’t actually act on. We preach it all the time: ‘It’s okay not to be okay.’ You see it in the songs everywhere. But I feel like the same artists who sing these songs and the same people who say these things publicly are the same people who always are perfect on the red carpet, never transparent enough to show who they actually are as a person.

“I feel like that in itself is a kind of hypocrisy. I try to be as human as I can while upholding a certain standard because I recognise and respect the culture [of being a celebrity].”

It was upholding the unrealistic standards that Jae in part thinks led things to get so bad, as he was always thinking about the perceptions of others and reining himself in.

A comment a fan made on social media about it being a good thing that he was less likely to share an opinion while speaking in Korean, rather than in English, helped him realise the intensity of what he was doing: because there is an idea that having opinions as a public person can lead to trouble, some fans of a group may not want band members to reflect their true opinions, and he had internalised the burden of that feeling regarding opinions to the extreme.

“It’s so ridiculous to me,” he admits. “That having an opinion could have any sort of connotation of being negative. I feel like having an opinion is never the problem. Having a strange and maybe immoral or unjust opinion, that’s definitely the problem. We as a society have come to a point where you can’t say anything without being judged.”

Now, he’s trying to be more forthright and earnest while expressing himself, and trying not to internalise the opinions of every random person who has opinions on his opinions, and thus has more or less stopped reading comments on social media.

“My emotional energy can be used better somewhere else, and I only have a certain amount every day,” he admits. “If people are going to hate me for what I think, they’re going to hate me regardless, so I’m just trying to be more open about everything now. No bubble of protection, no filter, no safety being on any more. If they don’t like it, that’s just me.

“I removed that filter because I thought it was one of the reasons I had that panic attack in the first place. I think I was right, because I’ve been having less and less [incidents]. Biting your tongue is necessary in many situations, but biting it to the extent that I was biting it because of boundaries I wasn’t allowed to cross, or certain opinions I was told I couldn’t uphold, that was what was hurting me the most.”

Making his own music, and the future

Following the incident, Jae spent much of 2020 not actively taking part in the activities of Day6, and focused on releasing his own music under the name “eaJ”. Through several releases, he explored his own artistry rather than thinking about what audiences want to hear, and focused on finding what he likes, trying to garner respect for his musical capabilities, and consider what he wants out of his career.

He feels like he succeeded at that, and hopes 2021 bears the fruit of the seeds he planted last year.

“Music gets my imagination going; using my emotional energy on a song or recording session, that seems like a lot more fruitful than worrying about a comment that I can’t do anything about regardless.”

One thing that inspired him to share some solo work with the world was the realisation of how much it was impacting him that his musical worth within Day6 wasn’t getting much recognition.

“We as a team are always involved in the songs, and it felt really discrediting and disheartening to hear that some members were more recognised than others. [I thought} ‘Maybe it’s time you start following your own career path and showing your own colours.’”

Three members of the band released an album in August, but Jae and the group’s other vocalist-guitarist, Sungjin, both sat it out. Jae admits that his hiatus from the band since early May wasn’t exactly his idea.

“It may be a bit of a surprise for some people to hear, but I was never someone that said, ‘I need a break.’ I was like, ‘I’ll get better.’ I was thinking, ‘I might need a little bit of time, but you guys get on it first.’ To be honest, I will be thriving, and Day6 will be, with the next album. When everyone is ready, I’ll be good.”

Overall, Jae says he’s optimistic and looking forward to a successful, healthy 2021. “I’m definitely recovering, and hopefully moving in the right direction,” he says.

source

#day6 #park jaehyung #t: interview #scmp #long post #210130

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sweet-sammy-kisses · 3 years

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Make my Heart a Better Place

Written for @badthingshappenbingo prompt victim blaming Fandom: 9-1-1 Pairing: Eddie x Buck Rating: M Warnings: past rape, deal with the therapist, anti Ana, tackling the belief that men can’t be victims and protective Eddie and Fire Fam Word Count: 2,964 Summary: Eddie learns about the therapist and what she did to Buck as Buck finally opens up about what has happened to him. Eddie realizes who his heart longs for as he helps Buck confront and deal with his past. You can read it on AO3

It was the kind of story that would never be first picked. It would be shuffled around until it was placed at the bottom left to be forgotten. After all, men can't be raped. Men can't be victims of abuse. Men are supposed to be stronger than a woman. So there was no way a woman could rape or abuse a man.

Taylor Kelly knew different.

Taylor had seen firsthand how horrible women can treat men. How they can use "they'll never believe you" and "what kind of man can't protect himself or his kids from his wife?" Toxic way of thinking. Women were barely believed when they came forward men were even less so.

But Taylor refused to let this story fall through the cracks. A woman, a woman therapist had used her position of power to sexually assault her male clients, men in valuable places, who were seeking help instead had new trauma to deal with. No Taylor would do everything in her power to expose this woman and see that those she hurt stories got told and hopefully gave them some closure.

+******+

"Men can't be raped."

Buck froze at Ana's comment and he wasn't the only one so did Taylor who had been talking about the story she was working on, a story she was very passionate about. The only reason Taylor was there was because Buck couldn't stand being the third wheel on the outing with Eddie and Ana. It originally was just supposed to be him and Eddie but then Ana invited herself along and Taylor being the good friend she is agreed to come as well.

Buck couldn't look at Eddie he was afraid of what he might see. He knew that Eddie didn't agree with Ana, they had seen too much in their line of work to know that stigma wasn't true but Eddie was a different man when around Ana, he went out his way to agree with her, to make her happy. Buck didn't know if it would be Eddie answering or Ana Edmundo.

"Edmundo?" Ana's voice broke through the haze that Eddie had found himself in since Ana uttered those words. "Don't you agree with me?" She continued looking at him expectedly to agree with her.

Eddie knew he didn't, he didn't agree with her and he was coming to see that there were a lot of things that he didn't agree with her. He certainly didn't agree with her comments about Christopher needing limits and her slight hints that he needed to start setting limits for his son. He was tired of being her Edmundo. "Ana I do believe that men can be victims of rape and abuse from women. But because of the stigma around such crimes, how people look at men and see that they can't be abused or rape it is harder for them to come forward for they know that there is a smaller chance of them being not only believed but mocked and made fun of for allowing themselves to be victims in the first place."

Buck felt the heaviness in his chest unravel as his Eddie spoke up, disagreeing with Ana's belief.

"Very well said, Eddie. I'm impressed." Taylor teased trying to ease the tension in the room even though she wanted nothing more than to rip into Ana for her misogyny beliefs.

A scoff escaped Ana, she couldn't believe that Edmundo would think that way. Men couldn't be victims it just didn't happen.

"You have a very narrow-minded way of thinking." Buck's voice was soft as he began to speak.

"Excuse me?" Ana's eyes narrowed as she took in Buck's form, she hadn't gotten off to a very good start with the other man. She disliked how deeply woven he was in Edmundo and Christopher's lives, he was in her place and she needed to claim her spot. To make Buck see that she was the one meant to be in the co-parent spot with Edmundo after all she would someday be Christopher's stepmother and it was time Buck stepped back and allowed her to take her rightful spot in the Diaz's lives. It was when Edmundo told her that it was going to be just him and Buck tonight she had invited herself along, she wasn't blind she saw the way that her boyfriend looked at his best friend and he never looked at her that way. She wasn't about to let a prize like Edmundo Diaz slip through her fingers.

Buck looked a little uncomfortable at Ana's glare and he was starting to regret ever speaking up when he felt Eddie's hand settle on his thigh, squeezing it in support and lingering there. Looking up he saw Taylor flashing him a supportive smile.

Taking a deep breath Buck began again, "Eddie is right. Men can be victims. A woman in power can and have taken advantage of men in vulnerable positions. They can feel helpless after it has happened and it can haunt them long after the event. And your way of thinking is why men won't come forward because they are a man and they can't be raped. Women aren't innocent they can use their positions to get what they want. A woman boss could take advantage of her male employee make it clear to him that he has much more to lose than she does if he doesn't agree to her demands. A therapist could seduce one or more of her male patients into having sex with her, she could have sought them out and studied their online profiles and knew things about them before their first appointment and when they were at a vulnerable point in their life when they had come to them for help instead of offering them anything that they might need they decide to have sex with them instead. To force them to have sex with them, they might have not said no but they certainly didn't say yes. Then they feel guilty and so dirty afterwards that they don't tell anyone because they don't think anyone even those closest to them will believe them. They hide what they went through and the shame haunts them, lingering in their nightmares."

Something about the way Buck spoke and since he knew Buck so well and could read him Eddie knew at that moment his Buck had gone through something like this. He wasn't just speaking what he believed he was speaking from experience and it felt like a dagger had pierced through his heart that someone, anyone, could dare to hurt Buck like that. Buck who is pure sunshine was the last person who should have been put through that.

Taylor felt a wave of rage and sadness washing over her as she realized that Buck, Buck who had been the first person to give her a second chance was a victim. 'No, he is a survivor.' Had been hurt like that. She could see that Eddie had come to the same realization as she had and she almost snorted Eddie was already protective over Buck he was about to reach a whole new level. And whatever relationship Ana had hoped to have with Eddie was now nothing more than a pipe dream.

'This also just might be the push these two stubborn idiots need to finally see what is before them. I wonder if there is still time for me to get in on the bet?' Taylor wondered she also couldn't help but wonder how long it would take for the rest of the 118 to catch onto what had happened to Buck and part of Taylor hoped she was there for when Athena Grant - adopted mom to Buck - got her hands on the woman who had raped Buck.

Ana didn't look impressed or moved by Buck's passionate speech, "If a man can't fight off a woman or protect himself then he has no one to blame but himself." There was a challenge in her eyes as she looked at Buck, "Those kinds of men are weak and no doubt exhausting to be around."

"Your exhausting."

Eddie's words shouted at him in rage and hurt still carried the sting they did that faithful day and the room seemed to cave in around Buck. "I'm sorry, I need to go." Shoving back his chair Buck was on his feet and moving towards the door before Eddie and Taylor could even realize what was happening.

Smiling smugly to herself Ana took another sip of her drink as Eddie and Taylor returned to the table. She would make sure that Eddie saw that Buck was a bad influence in Christopher's life and it was best they cut him out of both their lives. 'After all, they have me now, why would they need Buck?'

+******+

"No. I don't want this." Phantom touches that Buck didn't want to follow him. He tried to run away from them but they wouldn't let him go. Lips on his skin burned like acid. Hands and fingers run across his skin left a trail of disgust. Buck wanted nothing more than to shove her off but he couldn't. He had never felt so helpless, so powerless. Not even when he had been pinned under the fire truck.

"No!" A scream tore itself free from Buck as he shot up in bed, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. He struggled to catch his breath as clawed at his skin, trying desperately to remove the feel of her off of him.

A chocked sob escaped Buck. He hated this, he hated this so much between the nightmares of being pinned under the truck, the tsunami and now he was tormented with images of that woman touching him. He couldn't understand it, he had wanted it. Hadn't he?

+*****+

Something was off with Buck. The man looked haunted and Eddie knew that he had been tormented by nightmares and it tore at his heart he wanted nothing more than to gather the man up into his arms and let him know that it would be alright. He wanted to kiss him and hold him in his arms and promise him that he is safe and sound and no one will ever hurt him again.

But he couldn't because Buck wasn't his and he had a girlfriend whose opinions had been the cause of him reliving a horrible event in his life. 'I need to talk with Ana. She isn't the woman I thought she is and I don't want her around Chris or Buck.' Eddie knew that he was going to have to break up with her. He had done some serious thinking and he realized that the only reason he was even dating Ana was that she was the perfect woman to bring home to meet his parents but she was the wrong kind of woman to be in his life or even think about raising Christopher with. 'Not that would happen, we have Buck.'

"Why does Buck look like someone kicked a puppy in front of him? And whose ass do I have to kick for making him look that way?" Hen asked as she arrived, her arms crossed over her chest and a deadly look in her eyes.

A frustrated sigh escaped Eddie's lips as he ran his hands through his hair, "Ana joined Buck and mine boy's night and said some things that opened my eyes to see what kind of woman she is behind those pretty smiles. It affected Buck."

Hen's eyes narrowed, "Just what did she say?" Hen hadn't been impressed with Ana and not just because she was coming between her two stubborn boys. There were her comments about what Christopher should and shouldn't be allowed to do, how she refuses to respect Eddie and call him by the name he prefers and not Edmundo. There was also jealousy that appeared in her eyes when she saw the family that Eddie, Buck and Christopher made.

"She said that men can't be raped or abuse victims," Eddie admitted.

Hen knew that her jaw had dropped in shock, "That is complete bullshit." They had seen it in their jobs. "Please tell me she didn't victim blame?"

Eddie's sad eyes were all the answers she needed. "We should let Athena talk to her," Hen muttered if anyone had a chance to make Ana see sense that men can be victims it is Athena Grant.

"Ahh, that might not be the best idea." Eddie glanced around happy to see that Buck was still beside Bobby, their captain had taken one look at Buck and called him into the kitchen to help him make breakfast for the crew. Part of Eddie wanted to get Hen's advice, to tell her his fears about Buck but he didn't want to betray Buck's confidence like that and it wasn't like he had proof but he knew deep in his heart that Buck had been a victim of rape and it still haunted him to this day.

"Eddie, are you alright? I know you like Ana and this can't be easy for you." Hen placed a comforting hand on Eddie's arms.

A sad laugh escaped Eddie, "I'm not sure. Ana is complicated, she is what my parents would see as the perfect wife for me and mother for Christopher that is part of the reason that I am trying so hard to make it work with her. But she isn't perfect, it is her little comments about what Chris should and shouldn't be allowed to do and I see how her trying to set limits for him is hurting my son. Then there is her attitude towards Buck, she just doesn't seem to like him."

Hen could only stare at Eddie, "She doesn't like him? Buck? Our sweet puppy Buck?" That was something she couldn't grasp. That didn't sound well for Eddie and Ana's relationship working out not with how important Buck is to both the Diaz boys.

"And there is something else. The way Buck reacted to Ana's statement. She hurt him with her words, it was like she knew how to hurt him and made sure every word hit their mark." Eddie admitted.

Biting her lower lip Hen studied Buck who had Bobby smiling at him like he normally does when the younger man has done something he finds cute. "Yeah, okay introducing Ana to mam bear Athena is out." Hen knew that Eddie had figured something out about Buck but she wasn't going to push him for answers it was up to Buck and Buck alone to decide if he wants to open up to them about what is haunting him. "I can't tell you what to do Eddie about Ana all I can say is follow your heart."

"Carla said almost the same thing," Eddie mumbled out.

Hen grinned, "Well she and I are both wise women, you should listen to us more."

Eddie found himself returning the smile as his gaze was once again drawn to Buck when he let out a loud laugh and his heart felt lighter at the sound and the room seemed brighter at the sight of Buck's smile. "I really should."

+*****+

Buck could feel Eddie's eyes on him all day, which wasn't something new but he could tell that he had figured out why he had reacted that way the other night. Feeling himself nervous Buck approached his best friend, the man he is in love with, playing with the string on his bag. "Can I talk to you?"

Picking up his bag Eddie studied Buck, "Of course you can always talk to me. Chris is with Abuela tonight so despite not seeing your favourite Diaz we can talk at my place."

"I'd rather Christopher not be around for this conversation, it is not for the ears of children," Buck explained.

"You can talk to me about anything Buck, you know that," Eddie promised.

A soft smile appeared on Buck's face, "I know that. You always have my back Eds."

+******+

Arriving at Eddie's place it didn't take long for Eddie and Buck to make themselves comfortable on the couch, their legs pressed against one another and a bottle of beer in their hands. Once again Buck was amazed at how at home he felt in the Diaz's home, it was his safe place.

"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." Eddie promised Buck as he rested his free hand on Buck's knee and left it there.

Licking his dry lips it took several moments before Buck could find the strength to speak. "The first therapist I saw, the one that worked for the department I had sex with her. I didn't say no but I didn't say yes. And even though it was years ago I still have nightmares about her, about how dirty she made me feel. How no matter how many hot showers I took I could never get clean." Turning to Eddie Buck could feel his eyes filling with tears, "I didn't want to sleep with her Eddie. I didn't."

Strong arms wrapped around Buck pulling him back against Eddie's chest where he drank in the scent of sand wood and musk, the scent that is purely Eddie.

"That woman took advantage of you, Buck. You did nothing wrong, that woman was in a position of power and she should have never used it to do that to you." Eddie never hated anyone as much as he did the woman who did this to Buck. Tightening his grip on Buck he pressed a kiss on Buck's curls and kept whispering words of comfort as Buck clung to him and cried for what had been done to him, knowing that he was safe in Eddie's arms.

#buddie #buck x eddie #otp: you can have my back anytime #bad things happen bingo #sherri writes #my fics #tw: past rape

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tetsurobunni · 3 years

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Sexuality HC

☞ addition to the sexuality headcanons for haikyuu!! (SLIGHT SPOLIERS FOR HAIKYUU TIMESKIP)

☽ character hc : tsukishima kei

☽ characters mentioned : tadashi yamaguchi, tanaka ryunosuke, kanji koganegawa, kentarō kyōtani

☽ warnings : mentions of sexual content (slight mention of porn, gay strip club whoop whoop)

☞ BACK AT IT AGAAAAIN !! I’ve had this hc for tsukki for about a year now, and i hope i did enough research to accurately portray this sexuality

-ive had this hc for a while and it might not be as long as the others but whatever

- When tsukki was younger, he was never really interested in “liking” people

- He would receive confessions from girls, and as he got older even guys, but no one really seemed to catch his eye

- His stoic outward expression and snarky attitude pushed a lot of people away on their own (other than yamaguchi of course)

- He might not show it, but he cares for Yams a lot

- He definitely has trouble deciphering platonic and romantic feelings

- He 100% caught Tanaka watching porn in his first year and it disgusted him to his core

- I mean, yes they’re high schoolers and hormones and and all that, but really? He just didn’t get the big idea.

- As much as he tried not to think about it after that, he did. And he just could not make himself feel anything other than disgust and anxiety about having intercourse with another person.

- He overhears a group of guys in the hallway one day; theyre talking about if they think the girls in their class are virgins. He isnt one to usually put his own two cents into other peoples conversations but he sure did this time

- This is how it went :

“Oi. Stop talking about that stuff. Its disgusting.”

“Jeez, I bet you’re a virgin.”

“And? Whats the big deal? I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be, virgin or not.”

- yams backs him up bc power duo ofc

- tsukki genuinely did not get the big idea over being a virgin like who fucking cares jesus

- during his third year, after some careful thinking and slight anxiety, he comes to the conclusion that he is, in fact, gay

- he still has no desire to have any sexual contact, and that follows him into his later years

- so, flash forward to Sendai Frogs season! Kogane and Kyotani (more kogane) drag him to a gay club.

- now tsukki knows two things:

1. He is very gay

2. He doesn’t care. The last thing on his mind is being sexually attracted to the men. Especially after he gets hit on by five different guys, each of them offering to “take him home and show him a good time ;)”

-he is MORTIFIED and NEVER lets Kogane live it down god he probably tortures the poor boy even after he apologizes wjbdkwnd

- He starts to actually consider his reactions to the whole intercourse deal and starts his search again on Google, much like he did in high school

- lowkey cringes at himself like “god im an adult and im googling why i don’t get hard or want to have sex like every other normal person on this earth”

- It didn’t take him long to figure out what was up, and it made a lot of sense

“Asexual...huh. Yeah that’s about right.”

- he calls Yams and they talk about it and Yams is like “uhh...yea i could have helped you figure that out sooner. you really didn’t consider it at all?”

- tsukki is now convinced his childhood friend can read minds and is now in fact scary

- he never really “comes out,” he deems it as unnecessary- like everything else, he doesn’t get the big stigma around it.

- he knows the people that are in his life right now wouldn’t think of him any differently

- yet again, he may not show it, but he is very grateful for that fact

- TSUKKI IS ACE YUHHHH

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#tsukishima kei #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu koganegawa #haikyuu kyotani #yamaguchi tadashi #asexual #ace pride #hq headcanons

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hotchscotchh · 3 years

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We Are Definitely on a Date Right Now

Hey y’all! @peachpitfics gave me the idea to do this and I needed an excuse to write something other than angst :)

If you would like to be asked to my tag list, send a reply/ask/dm!

Summary: Sequel to “Are We on a Date Right Now?”

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Aaron Hotchner

Warnings: lots and lots and lots of smut

Word Count: 1.3k

Tagging: @peachpitfics @wheelsup @cloudy-reid

Read on AO3

The original

Aaron and Spencer had waited six months to tell everyone about their relationship. They had wanted to keep it quiet so they wouldn’t have to deal with Strauss and the fraternization rules until they were ready to. When their relationship was stable and they decided they were ready to tell the team, they were shocked (though they shouldn’t have been, it’s a team of profilers for god’s sake) that the team already knew (except for Rossi, he had found out months ago and helped them hide it ever since). In fact, there had been a bet going as to how long they’d been dating. JJ won. They all shared the story of how each and every one of them had found out.

Rossi

David Rossi was the first to find out, obviously. They’d had a weekend off about four months ago. Rossi had decided he would treat himself to a nice dinner out at his favorite Italian restaurant. He also may have recommended Aaron take his date there, and he was curious who it was. Aaron had asked him for the recommendation anxiously, which was out of character from him. It wasn’t like Aaron to be nervous about going on a date unless it was someone he really cared about. David had tried his hardest to get information on who it was, but his attempts were futile.

He was utterly shocked when he arrived at the restaurant and saw Spencer Reid basically sitting in Aaron’s lap. Instead of sitting at his own table and watching from afar, he made his way over to the table the pair were at to question them.

“Aaron,” Rossi made his presence known as he sat down across from them.

The two men jumped apart, Reid bumping his legs on the underside of the tabletop and spilling some of their drinks. Reid turned and looked to see who had interrupted them. When he realized it was Dave, he jumped again and slid off Aaron’s lap, sitting next to him, blushing, and smoothing down his shirt. The pair were panting.

“Dave,” Aaron acknowledged. “Did you need something or are you just here to spy on me?”

“A little of both, actually I first came to spy on you, but now I have questions.”

“Proceed,” Aaron sighed, waving his had.

“How long has this been going on?”

Spencer answered this time. “About two months. Don’t worry, he’s not holding anything over my head.”

Rossi chuckled. “I wouldn’t think so lowly of him.”

“Anything else, Dave? I’d like to get back to my date,” Aaron replied, obviously trying to usher Rossi along.

“Of course, I just be… over in that direction somewhere,” Rossi said standing and waving his hand vaguely. He spent a long time thinking that night.

JJ didn’t mean to find out. She had walked into Hotch’s office one day to find the two men sharing a brief and intimate kiss. She was momentarily stunned but they hadn’t noticed her, and she was unwilling to make her presence known. So, she backed out of the doorway and around the corner and waited a few moments before stepping back in to find both men seated in the chairs on either side of the desk discussing files.

“Hotch,” JJ said with hesitance. “We have a case.”

Aaron nodded. “Have everyone meet us in the round table room.”

She nodded back and walked off to let everyone know there was a case. Once everyone was seated in the conference room except for Hotch and Reid, JJ allowed herself to think. She was a little upset that her best friend, her little brother, the godfather of her son, didn’t tell her about his relationship. She reasoned with herself though. The relationship was probably new. There were fraternization policies. The stigma around gay couples in this FBI is high enough, forget about it being with your superior. So, when the pair finally found their way to the briefing, she pushed the encounter to the back of her mind and cleared her face of emotion, forgetting about it for the time being.

Prentiss and Morgan

They were on a case in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania when they noticed. Derek had noticed that the two men had grown closer over the past few months, and he had pointed it out to Emily. There were shared looks and Reid had begun allowing Hotch a casual hand on the shoulder, or a ruffle of his air which was something usually only himself and JJ could get away with. On this case though, it was different. On the plane, he noticed the pair sitting on their couch together, their thighs pressed into each other’s when there was a lot of room left on the couch. They had no reason to be that close.

“Prentiss,” Derek whispered, pointing at Hotch and Reid, “are you seeing this?”

Emily looked over and Derek looked back, but the pair had moved apart.

“Seeing what, Morgan? Hotch and Reid sitting on a couch?”

“I swear to god they were just- you know what? Never mind. It was nothing.”

Later, in the police station, Morgan began paying closer attention to his boss and best friend. He noticed longing glances between the two, Hotch’s hand lingering on the small of Reid’s back for longer than would be socially acceptable for two friends. Every time he noticed it, he tried to point it out to Emily, but every time, by the time she looked over, they were acting normal, like nothing had happened.

It wasn’t until they case was solved and they were spending their last night in the hotel that their suspicions were confirmed. Derek and Emily were sharing a room. They’d had to pair up again. JJ was back in Quantico helping Garcia, Rossi claimed a single room because “I’m the oldest,” (none of them objected, Rossi snores) and Reid had gone with Hotch, claiming he wanted to talk about the newest paper he was writing.

This particular hotel had balconies. Morgan and Prentiss had raided the mini bar in their room and taken their findings to enjoy on the balcony in the warm summer evening. They didn’t realize, though, that Hotch and Reid were doing the same a few rooms over, just without the alcohol. Derek and Emily’s conversation had come to an end and they were enjoying the relative silence of the night when two familiar voiced wafted over to them.

“I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you too, baby. I can’t wait to go home and see Jack.”

Derek shot straight up and whispered, “Emily, you can’t tell me you didn’t hear that.”

Emily looked over at him, equally as shocked. “I guess you’re not going completely crazy, Derek.”

Garcia

Penelope found out in a completely unexpected way. She had been nestled in the corner of a quiet café, reading a racy romance novel she had found in a thrift store and drinking a piping hot cappuccino when in walked Aaron and Jack Hotchner and Spencer Reid. She didn’t notice them until Aaron’s loud, assertive voice floated out into the room when he ordered for the three of them.

She “hid” behind her book, hoping to spy on the trio, curious about what they were doing together. She was excited when they had sat at a table close enough to her that she would be able to hear some of their conversation, but they were facing away from her so she could stay hidden.

She was surprised when Aaron and Spencer sat very close to each other with Jack across from them. She heard Spencer ask Jack about how his week was at school and almost spit out her coffee when Aaron slid his arm around Spencer’s waist. She was even more surprised when Spencer didn’t pull away but leaned into Aaron’s shoulder and turned to give him a kiss on the cheek.

Garcia spent the rest of that day lost in a world of slashy fantasies (that were definitely not appropriate, especially considering who they were about).

#aaron hotchner x spencer reid #aaron hotchner/spencer reid #hotchreid #heid #fluff #in excessive amounts #aaron hotchner #spener reid #david rossi #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #emily prentiss #penelope garcia #i know this is a relly cliche fic idea #but its cute #i love writing emily prentiss #i kinda just go #hey thats my name #and i find that hilarious

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jerseydeanne · 3 years

Text

When I last sat down with Prince Harry for an honest, candid, funny and frank interview, he told me he would use his “privileged position” for “good stuff” for “as long as I can, or until I become boring, or until [Prince] George ends up becoming more interesting.”

Harry, then 31 and one of the most popular royals, seemed aware of his sell-by date. “There’s nothing worse than going through a period in your life where you’re making a massive difference and then suddenly ... you drop off. You want to make a difference but no one’s listening to you.”

Recently it has been almost impossible not to hear Harry, although the jury is out on how much people are still listening. So when he announced last week that at the age of 36 he is writing his “intimate and heartfelt” memoirs, “not as the prince I was born but as the man I have become”, it felt as if Harry thinks his greatest hits are already behind him. After settling in America, why the rush so soon after the soul-baring interview with Oprah Winfrey and a glut of other interventions?

A friend of Harry’s says that while he was still a working royal, he harboured a Prince Andrew complex of slipping down the pecking order and becoming irrelevant: “Harry has always been in such a rush to make an ‘impact’, because he thinks he has a limited shelf-life before the public want to hear more from George and his siblings and he worries that after that, he’ll turn into his uncle.”

Harry now wants to tell us about his “dedication to service” and how he’s “worn many hats over the years”, because “my hope is that in telling my story — the highs and lows, the mistakes, the lessons learnt — I can help show that no matter where we come from, we have more in common than we think.”

The privacy-obsessed prince will let us into his head for a rumoured multimillion-pound advance, with “proceeds” from sales of the book published by Penguin Random House in late 2022, the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee year, going to charity. Harry is said to have been working on a manuscript for more than a year with the American ghostwriter JR Moehringer, who worked on Andre Agassi’s memoir. Whatever is — or isn’t — in the book it is certain to outsell Meghan’s The Bench, which has shifted 6,195 copies here. Yesterday, a spokeswoman for Harry denied reports of a four-book deal, with a second book after the Queen’s death, as “factually inaccurate”, confirming “there is only one memoir planned” and “no project co-ordinated around” the monarch’s demise.

We are likely to hear Harry’s take on the very public breakdown of his parents’ marriage, the impact on his childhood and more on the devastating effects of the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, when he was 12. He has said he failed to deal with it for years, leading to a period of “total chaos” and a near “total breakdown” in his twenties. Of walking behind his mother’s coffin, Harry has said: “I don’t think any child should be asked to do that, under any circumstances.” Will the book reveal who asked him and what choice, if any, he was given?

How Harry chooses to relay the “party prince” years, when he was living it up in London nightclubs and smoking cannabis at his father’s Highgrove home, leading Charles to arrange a visit to a rehab centre, will be fascinating. Will the period be analysed retrospectively as the reeling aftermath of his mother’s tragic death? Or will there be candour about a young, privileged prince having a blast and doing what many young men in his position would have done?

“I never thought he was out of control then,” says a source who knows Harry well. “In his new Californian guise, I think he’ll tell it honestly, framed in the context of his ‘journey’ towards ‘healing’. I think there will be a lot of the old broken me versus the new fixed me who dealt with the pain, and a lot about Meghan as the woman who liberated me to deal with it all.”

A seasoned royal watcher says they are “looking forward to the Vegas chapter”, one of Harry’s most notorious escapades when he was photographed naked playing strip billiards in a Las Vegas hotel suite in 2012 shortly before being deployed to Afghanistan. “Too much army, not enough prince,” Harry later said, admitting: “I let my family down.”

Having become so outspoken on race and “unconscious bias” after meeting Meghan, the first mixed-race woman to marry into the modern royal family, what will Harry tell us he learnt after calling an Asian army colleague “our little P*** friend” while at Sandhurst military academy in 2006? The incident was widely condemned, a year after he was forced to apologise for wearing a Nazi uniform to a fancy dress party. “He’ll be smart enough to know that to gloss over those incidents would undermine the book,” says a royal source who knows him.

Harry’s account of family life will be intriguing — how the triumphant trio of William, Kate and Harry briefly became the “Fab Four” with Meghan, their fairytale wedding with the no-show by Thomas Markle, the father-in-law he has never met, William and Harry’s rift, the painful split from the royal family and their new life in America, right up to the controversy last month surrounding the naming of their new daughter, Lilibet. The Sussexes called in lawyers to dispute a BBC report that the Queen was “not asked” about the intimate nickname. “False and defamatory” said team Sussex. The BBC stood by the story. Buckingham Palace did not dispute it.

What will Harry’s version of life inside and outside the royal goldfish bowl look like? He has pledged total honesty, and is “excited for people to read a first-hand account of my life that’s accurate and wholly truthful”. But as the Queen’s statement following the bombshell Oprah interview in March pointed out, “some recollections may vary”.

In that interview, and in the mental health documentary series Harry made with Winfrey, he claimed talking about mental health with his family was off-limits. Royal life “wasn’t an environment where I was encouraged to talk about it”. His comments left some scratching their heads. After all, Harry, William and Kate championed ending the stigma around mental health for years in their hugely successful Heads Together campaign.

On the Armchair Expert podcast in May, Harry also credited “a conversation I had with my now-wife” for his decision to have therapy. Yet in another podcast in 2017, Harry said he sought professional help “three years ago” encouraged by William, who told him: “You really need to deal with this.” The inconsistencies in some of Harry’s recent recollections have been well documented, leading some to describe him as a “revisionist historian”. Harry’s rumoured ghostwriter has spoken about the importance of honesty.

There is little hope in royal circles that will happen. The Sussexes’ recent outbursts have driven once-loyal aides to despair. “I fear they may sail into the sunset now, convinced they did the right thing by speaking ‘their truth’,” says one. “Now I hope everyone shuts the f*** up.”

Charles has been portrayed as an emotionally and financially stingy parent. A source close to him says: “He has genuinely been so upset by it all. He just doesn’t recognise any of the examples or narrative.” Friends of William and Harry say William, who was forced to publicly defend his family against accusations of racism after the interview with Winfrey, “despairs” of his brother but the shock factor is wearing off.

Harry has done brilliant things in his time. Moving the dial on mental health, serving his country at war and launching the Invictus Games are just a few of his achievements. Nobody should begrudge him wanting to bang the drum there, and if he wants to bare his soul on how he has coped with undeniable adversity and tragedy in his life, fair enough. But if his book becomes the main course of a score-settling feast then he will lose many more hearts and his greatest fear will be realised — “no one is listening”.

#prince harry #prince andrew #memoir #british royal family #meghan markle

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oh-boy-me · 4 years

Note

What would all the brothers think about a mc with one/many tattoos and what are their opinions on them?

I kept reading “one/many” as “one too many” and I was like hon there’s no such thing as too many tattoos

Anyway, when deciding on what the background tattoo culture of the Devildom would be for personal reference, I decided that:

There isn’t a stigma around tattoos in the Devildom; they aren’t associated with delinquency or anything.

The tattoos/markings that appear in demon forms are natural, rather than cosmetic.

Natural tattoos are more common on powerful demons, and it’s considered rude to cosmetically replicate a strong demon’s unique tattoo pattern.

Cosmetic tattoos have no restrictions aside from the above, and are purely used for expression.

Lucifer

Lucifer had done the background check on MC before they came to the Devildom, unless they were literally never visible in public photos he was probably aware they had tattoo(s) before coming to the Devildom.

So he isn’t surprised by them, but of course seeing the artful designs on a living breathing human rather than a still image makes them much more interesting.

He’s curious about them, and will be direct about it.

Will also be direct about wanting to touch them, but once is enough and he won’t feel the need to do so again after the first time.

As mentioned above, natural markings on demons are associated with power, so watching them wear their tattoo(s) with pride makes him feel as if MC commands more respect than the average human. Less than he does, still. But more than the average human.

Mammon

Oh, MC has tattoo(s)?? He does too!

They usually aren’t visible, because unless he’s in demon form, his usual outfits don’t show very much skin, but he does indeed have a couple that are present in his contained form.

Instantly wants to compare, as long as they’re ok with that of course. He’s going to say that his are cooler, but unless MC magically has the exact same tattoo as him, deep down he thinks they’re equally impressive.

Since he’s no stranger to having them, he doesn’t make a big deal out of it further than that.

He’s honestly thrilled that he and them have something in common, and hopes that that will somehow get his brothers off his back (? Mammon what does that line of thinking mean?)

If he and MC get really close during their time in the Devildom, he might genuinely suggest getting matching tattoos to commemorate their bond. What a softie.

Leviathan

Most of his knowledge of the human world comes from anime and other Japanese media, so not gonna lie, his first thought is that MC has a hidden history with the yakuza or something. He means nothing by it--he wouldn’t even mind if that was true--it’s just his first thought when he learns they have tattoo(s) and he blurts it out.

If they’re not somewhere easily visible, he’d think of getting to see them as a major step in their friendship.

He’s afraid to touch them, scared that he’ll somehow hurt them by doing so.

He knows that tattoos hurt to get and that other humans can make them hurt to have, and he sees and really admires MC as someone who’s brave and confident in themself.

Levi thinks he could never confidently get a permanent tattoo, but at the same time he could see it? It’ll be up to MC to give him guidance in that sort of situation.

In the end he will likely chicken out for another 2,000 years. MC’s tattoos are cool enough for the both of them.

Satan

He’s a bit surprised by this at first, not because he didn’t expect it from MC, but because he didn’t expect it at all. Sometimes he forgets that humans are interesting creatures.

“You know those are--” he stops himself. No. That’s something someone like Lucifer would say. And besides, of course they know. They’re the one with the tattoo(s), not him. He isn’t doubting them.

Satan wants to know the story behind every tattoo. Why this design? Why there? What inspired them to get one? What was going on in their life at that time?

Sometimes people just get tattoos because they want one and think it’ll look nice, but unfortunately he’s unlikely to drop it at that, so MC might have to dig deep or make something up.

He does want to touch them, but he won’t ask. But it’ll be pretty obvious with his hand hovering over an area where a tattoo is.

Satan has of course read about tattoos (who do you think he is?), so he knows that they’re often used as an act of rebellion, whether small scale or institutional. You go MC, says Satan. Stick it to the man. Preferably Lucifer.

Asmodeus

Asmo himself would never get a tattoo, since it would puncture and dye his flawless skin, and they’re permanent.

However that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate beauty when he sees it. MC’s body is literally a canvas and they have made good use of that.

Like Satan, he also wants to know the stories behind their tattoo(s), but unlike Satan he’ll accept “I just wanted to” as an answer.

Always wants to touch them (always wants to touch everything, really, but.) Because they stand out to him, he finds his hands traveling to the tattooed parts of their body if/when MC lets him get away with being hands-on.

Asmo does actually think his brother’s tattoos are really cool, and with MC’s it’s no different. He sees it as MC shamelessly telling the world who they are and what’s important.

He’ll also suggest getting matching tattoos, but won’t go through with it. MC will have to settle for candy necklaces.

Beelzebub

Aside from Mammon I think he’s the most likely to also have a cosmetic tattoo, and plenty of his friends do, so Beel doesn’t even notice it until someone else brings it up.

When he sees theirs for the first time, he probably touches the image without even thinking about it. He’ll of course apologize if that made them uncomfortable, that wasn’t his intention.

Beel is the definition of someone who really, truly cares more about what’s on the inside, so the amount of ink on MC really doesn’t affect his opinion on them one way or another.

Of course, he does have questions and he’ll enthusiastically listen to anything they want to tell him about them.

He’s satisfied with the amount of tattoos he currently has, so he wasn’t planning on changing that number, but the thought of him and his brothers having matching somethings comes to mind when he glances at the colors adorning MC’s skin.

Maybe MC will have one of those matching somethings as well.

Belphegor

The way Belphie sees it, it’s a little unconventional, and that’s exactly why he likes them.

The humans in his mind are like. Men in top hats and milkmaids. It’s been a while since he’s been up there, so his image of humanity is more old-fashioned than the vibrant youth culture of humans today.

And it’s absolutely piqued his interest. Do all humans get tattoos now? Is it a huge thing, like a rite of passage or a show of status? Do they really never go away? Wow, that’s like. Kind of metal.

He doesn’t feel much of an urge to touch them, but he does want to look at them quite a lot.

But wow, it’s really there forever, huh? Well, he means. Tattoos in the Devildom are permanent without purposeful removal as well. Humans are just so temporary that he kind of assumed everything about them would be.

He appreciates MC’s readiness to stand behind the decisions they make.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

Text

The Love Not Yet Known Part 1

Summary: Tommy Shelby needs to make sacrifices to ensure the safety of his family. So he concocts a plan to marry off his sister to the one and only Alfie Solomons.

Requested by @freaknik97

Part 2 will be posted here and on my masterlist

“Remind me why we’re not doing this at the office?” Arthur grumbled as they watched the car pull up the gravel drive.

Tommy stood beside his brother in the doorway of Arrow House. His hands were clasped in front of him. “The Italians are here and they’re going to look for allies or enemies. They might see Alfie as a way to weaken us. We need to make sure there’s no chance of that. We can’t have him making side deals like he did last time with the Russians.”

“Still doesn’t explain why he’s here. This could’ve been done in Birmingham.” Arthur muttered, still not a big fan of Alfie.

“You’ll find out soon enough, brother. Now let’s greet our guest.”

At the same time, Eliza Shelby was in the garden with her nephew. They had laid out a blanket and she was reading The Wind in the Willows to him. Although, the little boy wasn’t really paying much attention to his aunt. He was more focused on his toy horses, making them jump little obstacles he constructed out of a pencil from Eliza’s bag and rocks from the lawn.

Eliza didn’t mind too much. She was a quiet young woman, the polar opposite of John Shelby, her twin. As rowdy as her brothers were, she was eager to please her parents and wanted to show them how grown up she was. She found solace in books and used them to escape the unstable life of Small Heath. As she grew, her concern shifted to bettering herself rather than trying to please her family. After all, they didn’t see much merit in education. She wanted to lift herself out of the poverty she grew up in and the stigma surrounding her family. But she learned that the last name Shelby was nearly impossible to shake off. As Tommy wreaked havoc, she dealt with the consequences.

Besides, her heart would always be with her family, so she couldn’t exactly abandon them.

Charlie set his toy horse aside and flipped onto his back to look up at the sunny sky.

Eliza paused her reading to smile at him. “Can you see anything in the clouds?” She asked.

“I was looking for mummy. Daddy says that’s where she is.” The little boy pointed up at the sky. “In heaven. Says it’s above the clouds.”

Her smile faded sadly. “Oh, yes. That’s where she is. She’s always looking down on you to watch after you and keep you safe.” She said gently.

“Yeah, that’s what Pol says too. Says she’s an angel.”

Eliza wasn’t sure what else to say. It was difficult talking about Grace to Charlie because he was too young to understand what happened. Eliza treasured her nieces and nephews, treating them as if they were her own children. Of course, in her mid-twenties, it was assumed that she would already have children. All of her siblings, aside from Finn, had children. John had a litter of them. But now they were gone. Left with Esme after John passed.

She felt her heart sink. It was what made her so wary of relationships. She had known so much loss even at an early age. When she lost John, her twin brother, it felt like a piece of her died. It wasn’t meant to happen like that. They were supposed to grow up together, watch each other’s children, have each other over for holidays, and have the age-old argument about who was really the oldest. Now he was gone and Eliza felt so lonely.

If she were to find someone and marry, have children too, what if something happened to them? What if she lost her husband or a child? It was possible. Ada and Tommy had both lost their spouses. She saw the hurt in their eyes every single day. Perhaps it was wise just to stay single.

But unfortunately, her brother had other plans for her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y’know, Tommy, when I heard you bought this place I thought it was a bit out of character for you, right? Tommy Shelby tryna act like an aristocrat? Pft. But looking ‘round here it suits you, don’t it? Cold, empty, dead inside. Just like you, ain’t it?”

Tommy looked mildly amused at Alfie’s ramblings as they walked into the study. “It’s nice to see you as well, Alfie.”

“Yeah, well. Thought you’d forgotten ‘bout me.” Alfie turned his attention to the eldest Shelby brother. “’N you, mate. Arthur, I’m so pleased you’re still willing to speak with me.” The graciousness in his voice was obviously just a ploy to rile the man up. It was like a game to him. See what shade of purple he could make Arthur Shelby’s face turn.

Arthur just grumbled an incoherent response.

“You’ve been very forgiving, lately haven’t you? Your whole family has. Think if I ever had a noose tied ‘round me neck and I walked free, well I’d kill the man who put me there in the first place.” Alfie shrugged as if it were nothing more than a casual thought and not a deep cut into the Shelby’s current tension. “But that’s just me, innit?”

“Alfie, we’re here to discuss a proposition for you,” Tommy said. “

“That right? Well, I suspect you’re gonna offer me something nice, Tommy, seeing as what a pain in the arse it was driving out here.” Alfie replied. “Sitting in the car that long really does a number on me hip so don’t waste me time.”

“I know you’re aware of the situation we’re in and I’m sure you’ve already thought of what you’re going to do should you be involved.” Tommy started.

“S’always good to have a plan for everything, just being savvy,” Alfie replied as he sat down with a grunt.

“Seeing as our business relationship has been rocky due to some betrayals…”

“Aw, now, Tommy don’t say it like that. Little missteps, that’s all they were. Forgiveness, right.” He glanced over at Arthur who looked grumpy with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I’d like to extend an offering to you that would secure our relationship. Prevent further missteps.” Tommy knew that he had to speak in a way that aligned with Alfie. That way, he would be more inclined to accept the offer.

“I’m listening, mate.”

“My sister, John’s twin, has never married. I’d like to offer her hand to you.”

It was like setting off a grenade in the room. “What!?” Arthur roared. “Tommy, you can’t fucking do that!”

“Easy, brother,” Tommy replied in a calm voice. “I’ve made up my mind.”

“Made up-are you joking me? She’s not some pony you can pawn off to someone! Especially not this fucking monster!”

Alfie appeared thrown off guard. Certainly, he had expected Tommy to offer him something nice to assure there would be no ill will between them. Alfie was prepared to accept whatever it was, not that it would really change his mind about what he might or might not do regarding the Italians. But the offer of marriage was completely out of left field and rendered him a bit speechless.

Tommy continued to take the rage from his brother, waiting for a pause. When Arthur stormed out of the room to go get Polly, Tommy cleared his throat. “Well?”

Alfie raised his brow. “Now, mate, I dunno if you’re still suffering from that brain injury of yours or you’ve really lost the plot. But, why on Earth would you think I’d be willing to marry one of your kin? A woman with hot blood like that?” He pointed to the door where Arthur had just left from. “Fucking hell, it’d be like tryna tame a feral wolf.”

“She’s me sister, Alfie, not a dog.”

“Then why’re you giving her over to me like she’s yours to give, mate?” Alfie confronted.

“Come with me.” Tommy stood up and led Alfie out of the study. The man followed him to the solarium that had a good view of the back garden. “There she is.”

Alfie stepped up to the glass to see a dark-haired beauty sitting amongst the flowers. She had pale green eyes that sparkled in the summer sun and when she smiled at Charlie, Alfie noticed his heart skipped a beat.

When was the last time the sight of a woman had made him weak in the knees? When he was just a kid? Maybe as a young soldier trying to get a pretty nurse’s attention. As sinful of a man as he was, he was still a man. A man who craved companionship, someone to be there for him when he got older. As it stood, he would end up alone when his life began to wind down to the last days. He thought he deserved such a fate. It was fitting.

But seeing Eliza in the garden was like opening up a new door of possibilities. One where Alfie didn’t end up alone. Where he had a wife and children always there for him.

He frowned and turned away, thinking he was crazy for ever having the thought. “You’re desperate enough to give over your sister to a man like me?”

Tommy didn’t like to admit defeat. “I’m doing it for the benefit of both of us and for my family.”

“Fucking hell.” He laughed bitterly. “You really are that desperate. Those Italians have you spooked, then, aye? Think you’ll regret this decision in a couple of years?”

“I have faith you’ll treat her right.”

He scoffed. “Really?”

Tommy nodded. “In the bakery, you told me men to stay away from the women in Camden. You put on a good act, Mr. Solomons, but I know you would never harm a woman.

Alfie wasn’t going to disagree with him, because it was true. He would never do harm to a woman. But he didn’t want to appear weak. So, he tried to give himself an out. “That’s all fine and good, but she ain’t Jewish. So I can’t marry her.”

Tommy was about to remedy the point when he heard quick footsteps chasing him down.

“Thomas Shelby have you lost your mind!?” Polly smacked him when she got close enough. “That girl is innocent, you fucking keep her out of this!”

Eliza could hear shouting from inside so she looked up to see her family was in the solarium along with an unfamiliar man. Her aunt was shouting at her brother but Eliza couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. “Charlie, why don’t we go find Mary so she can take you for a walk?” She stood up to take her nephew’s hand.

“How dare you even think of something like this? You can’t just sell her off. I will not allow this; do you hear me?”

Polly continued to yell at Tommy until he noticed Eliza enter the room with a confused look on her face.

“What’s going on?” The young woman asked.

Polly turned. “Go back outside.”

“Why? What-what’s wrong?” After John’s death, Eliza was very timid and worried about what might happen to her family next.

“Eliza, come here.” Tommy beckoned her.

“Thomas, no, that’s enough!” Polly grabbed her niece by the arms and kept her away from Tommy and Alfie.

“Pol, you’re scaring me. I don’t get what’s going on.”

“Liza, this is Alfie Solomons.” Tommy continued as if everything was calm and no one was flying off the handle. “We’ve been talking about a potential arrangement.”

“Tommy…” Polly said in a warning tone.

“Arrangement for what?” Eliza was still puzzled.

“He’s going to marry you off like some gypsy bride!” Arthur snapped.

Her eyes widened. “Tom? Is that true?”

Tommy sighed and removed his glasses so he could pinch the bridge of his nose. “Could I have a moment with her alone?” He requested. “Alfie, feel free to walk the grounds, you two,” He pointed his glasses at Polly and Arthur. “Go to the big room.”

Arthur wasn’t prepared to let Tommy talk their sister into marrying Alfie, but Polly steered him towards the study.

Eliza was frozen in place with shock, but her eyes moved to the stranger by the glass. Alfie met her eyes for a moment. She took in his appearance. Although much more rugged than she was used to, he had a certain charm to him. There was a mystery about him as well. Eliza was suddenly very curious as she was when it came to characters in the books she read. She wanted to know everything about them. Unravel them to see what made them tick. She wanted to know where the scar on his right cheek came from. Or why he covered it with a beard. She wanted to know why he wore so many rings on his fingers. She wanted to understand the hesitation in his teal colored eyes when he looked at her.

But that didn’t mean she wanted to marry him.

When they were alone, Tommy pulled up a chair for his sister. He took a moment to breathe and light up a cigarette.

Eliza allowed him some space to think. She quietly waited, her eyes continuing to flick to the glass, watching as Alfie walked through the garden. He seemed as if he was trying to appear busy. But his movements showed that his brain was elsewhere. She couldn’t blame him.

“We’ll be returning to Birmingham tomorrow. I need to have a secure area for the family. But I want you to go to London with Alfie.” He explained steadily.

Eliza’s stomach was in knots. “I want to stay with everyone else.”

“Alfie is a wild card, Liza. Either he helps us with the Italians or he hurts us. There’s no staying neutral. I need to make sure that he’s on our side.”

“So, if he’s married into the family, he won’t betray the family.” It was easy to follow Tommy’s logic. He had done the same thing to her twin. How fitting it was to face the same fate John did. Still, he ended up married to a woman he loved. Maybe it was destiny or simply a coincidence. Eliza just wasn’t sure she wanted to run the same risk.

“Right.”

“But even when this is finished, I’ll still be married to him.” She pointed out.

Her brother didn’t look angry or pleased with himself. His wrinkled forehead showed the conflict he was facing internally. Of course, he didn’t want Eliza to marry Alfie. Every brotherly instinct told him to keep the young woman far away from the gangster. But he needed the threat wiped out. It would just be one less thing to worry about. “There are sacrifices we all need to make. Every single one of us.”

Eliza swallowed and felt a tear slip down her cheek. “I don’t even know him.”

Tommy steeled himself. They needed to go through with this. He couldn’t back out. “It’ll be alright.” He promised her gently. “I just…I don’t what else I can do to keep him loyal to us.”

She wiped her eyes with the edge of her sweater sleeve. “I don’t want to lose anyone else.” She sniffled. “So, I’ll do whatever I can to keep everyone safe.”

To be continued, part 2 will be up soon.

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @giftofdreams @biba3434 @kimmietea @karmezii @enrapturedbythemoon @vampgirl1997 @tarafaithe

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yourgalaxy · 3 years

Text

~FINDING HOME~ (Part 5)

Pairing: Taehyung x female O/C

Genre: Fluffyest Fluffy Fluff, a little bit of angst if you squint really hard.

Summary: After getting used to the idea of just being her and her little daughter against the world. Autumn is proven wrong once again when fate has different plans for them.

Warnings: None

Word count: 2865

A/N: The original prompt is from @hybridfanfiction ( their prompts are the cutest, check them out!) This is my first attempt on sharing some of my work and is also my first hybrid fic. I love the reader inserts but not a fan of the Y/N type thing so feel free to just imagine your name instead if you prefer! I have material to make this a series but will leave it as a one shot for now to see if you guys like it! I totally don’t own the gifts.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. Read at your own risk 😂

Extra A/N: I didn’t get the chance to post this last week but to compensate you guys, I’ll be posting the first part of my new Mafia Au, so watch out for it!

Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 4 Ch. 5

After being living with Autumn and Haneul for a month and a half, Taehyung was finally meeting the rest of their family, he had already met Jin, Jimin and Jungkook and even though it was hard for him to trust them fully, he had decided that he liked the three males… Not that any of them really knew that because Taehyung still avoided them every time he could, though it was not really possible to avoid Jimin after he discovered that he and Taehyung were the same age and decided that they were to be best friends.

‘’ Mamma… MAMMA...Mamma, can Tata be my daddy?’’ - That finally caught Autumn’s full attention, she turned around making sure that the hybrid was still taking a shower, praying that he couldn’t hear them over the running water and his own singing voice. She rushed to kneel in front of her daughter. - ‘’ Haneul, baby, that’s not something that we should say...’’ ‘’ But mamma, he tells me stories to sleep and sings to me and tucks me in sometimes, all the kids have a daddy and…and I saw it on tv, the daddy that lives together with you and your mamma, and tells you stories is your daddy! Does my Tata don’t want to be my daddy?’’ - Haneul’s pretty eyes swelled with unshed tears at the idea, and Autumn could have sworn that she heard her own heart break. - ‘’ No honey bear, you know your Tata loves you very, very much! He tells you that all the time, right? It’s just that for a woman and a man to be a mommy and a daddy they have to really really love each other a lot. - She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with her 5 year old daughter, her flushed little face was destroying her heart. -

"But momma, don't you love Tata?" - Autumn could practically see the engines in her daughter's head starting to over think, tears threatening with reappearing.- "I do sweetheart, I do, but it's just a little bit different for adults, you know, adults are dumb sometimes and things don't work the same for us...Let’s talk about it later, ok? we need to go see your uncles!"

"Noona, I'm ready!" - Autumn felt her soul come back to her body when Taehyung decided to appear, giving her the chance to escape the impossible conversation she was having with her daughter. She smiled at him, noticing the way he was referring to her, she was almost sure that it had to do with spending so much time with Jimin.-

The drive to Yoongi’s apartment was filled with loud singing and laughs. The prospect of getting together with her best friends had Autumn in a really good mood, and even though Taehyung felt really nervous, the smiles on both mother and daughter’s faces helped him breathe easier. He knew most of the men they were getting together with but the fact that they were actually entering the territory of another hybrid, one that he hadn’t met yet, was nerve wracking. He was worried that his instincts would get the best of him and he would piss Autumn’s loved ones off, how would Autumn react? what would she think of him? would she start hating him if her friends didn’t like him?

Taehyung didn’t have to wonder for too long. Everybody’s temper was tested when Hobi had to let go of Autumn as she was being yanked back by a strong arm towards a wide chest, a low growl vibrating against her back. Sensing the hostility in his own territory kicked Hoseok’s instincts on, even though Autumn and Haneul weren’t his humans, they were part of his family and he felt really protective of them, so soon there was a battle of growls and silent snarls. For a few moments none of them really acknowledged the attempts of the others to calm them down.

‘’ Tata, don’t be mean to uncle Hobi, I promise he is really nice!’’ - Haneul’s innocent voice and the way she hugged his leg was what brought Taehyung back to his senses . As soon as he stopped growling, Hoseok did the same, he understood where the younger hybrid was coming from, he remembered being in the same place a few years ago, he wasn’t about to let him cross the line in his territory, establishing hierarchy was a basic hybrid instinct anyway, but he was also excited for the new addition to the friend group even if he was not about to show that at the moment. -

Taehyung was utterly embarrassed about his conduct and after a solid ten minutes of being scolded first by Autumn an then by Jimin, he just wanted to curl up into a ball in a corner and cry his heart out, but they were so loving even when scolding him that he couldn't even do that. He hesitated but ultimately approached Hoseok who was setting things up for the movie night.

‘’Hyung… I… I’m really sorry about earlier… it’s not really excuse for my behavior but…”- Before he could finish his apology, he was attacked by a very effusive fox hybrid, Hoseok was bouncing on the balls of his feet, too excited by the idea of having a new hybrid friend, Taehyung couldn’t help the smile that divided his lips.-

‘’ I’m really sorry about that, Yoongs. Taehyung is a little bit weary of males, and new environments are a little hard for him to take in.’’ - Autumn was worn out by the whole scene, feeling sorry and guilty for everyone in the room, she didn’t blame Taehyung, she knew well enough of his apprehension towards males and she knew how protective hybrids could get when facing threats to who they considered their people, specially in the presence of other hybrids. She remembered the first time she met Hoseok with a shiver. But she couldn’t stop feeling bad for her friends. It was their home at the end of the day.-

‘’ Hoseok, really likes him, I can see it in his face that he already is taking him under his wing. I don’t think we will have any problem. - Yoongi assured with a wink as he motioned towards the three hybrids that seem to have engaged in an enthusiastic conversation about what movies to watch, after Jimin joined them in the living room. Autumn felt her body relax, realizing how worried she was until that moment, a soft smile appearing on her face. -

‘’ Uncle Yoongi, up!’’ - A new battle arised, this time, between Yoongi and Jungkook fighting over who was Haneul’s favorite with Haneul enjoying herself in the shower of attention and love she was getting. -

‘’ He really is the right fit, isn’t he?’’ - Jin's voice came from behind her before a pair of arms encircled her shoulders. She let herself relax in his embrace, feeling happy to be home, loving how her brothers embraced Taehyung so effortlessly.- ‘’ Haneul asked me if Taehyung could be her new dad’’ - She whispered, knowing that Jin was close enough to hear her and everyone else was so loud that she doubted they could hear her even if she were to scream it. She felt Jin humming in thought, it wasn’t a surprise to him even though this was the first time Haneul had ever said something like that. - It is good for her to have some kind of father figure in her life… And if he is sticking around for a while… How do you feel though? - She knew exactly what he was referring to, her an her friends never really payed any attention to the stigma that interracial relationships between humans an hybrids carried with them, but she had given up on dating a long time ago, men were too inmature, too insensitive and she didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with someone else’s child. - ‘’ I don’t know Jinnie, I haven’t really consider it, I mean, he is one of the most caring an loving people I’ve met, always looking out for both of us and looking for ways to collaborate, you know how happy he was when you offered him to work at the flower shop, an he loves Haneul so dearly, she loves him even more, I’m afraid she will get hurt if anything were to happen and he decided to leave… But we are not in that type of relationship, Jin. I am his sponsor and he is our hybrid, and I’m totally fine with that.’’ - Jin left a soft brief kiss on top of her head, hugging her a little closer.-

‘’Then there is nothing to worry about, Mamma Bear.’’ - Autumn closed her eyes in contentment, right on time to miss the look that Taehyung directed to them, but Jin was able to catch the turmoil of emotions that twirled in his eyes. A knowing smile dancing on his lips, He knew how dense Autumn could be when it came to this topic, it would be fun to see how these two would figure things out.He had the hunch that Taehyung was there to stay, and his hunches were usually right-

‘’ Jin hyung, stop hoarding noona all to yourself and come sit, we are about to start the movie!’’ - Hoseok complained in a whine that Jin responded with a scoff before complaying and dragging Autumn with him.- ‘’Next time we should invite Namjoon, Yoongi hyung! ‘’

‘’ Yeah, I like him’’ - Autumn and Jungkook agreed and Yoongi just nodded lazily. Asking them to be quiet and start the movie. Autumn’s fingers immediately found their way through Taehyung’s soft locks when he seated himself on the ground in front of her, resting his head on her knee, missing the heavy tears that rolled across his cheeks. -

…

Autumn woke up gasping for air, her heart felt like it was held in an iron grip, she couldn’t breath, and for a minute she wondered if she was about to die. She didn’t realize she was crying until she rubbed her hands over her face and felt the wetness on her cheeks. The images of the nightmare are very vivid in her mind. It was the same nightmare she had had ever since Ha Neul's dad had left, just that this time, there was a spin to it that made her sick to her stomach.

She didn’t notice Taehyung sitting on the ground next to the door until after, in her fuzzed state of mind, she almost fell over him, being stabilized by his firm hands, she heard him whimper. Her eyes filled with tears one more time as she felt herself getting lost in his bright brown orbs. She straightened up and as she pulled on her arms to free them from the Hybris grip, Taehyung let go of her. He soon trailed behind her, buzzing with worry.

Autumn wasn’t sure for how long she was zoning out with the untouched glass of water firmly held in her hand, when she felt Taehyung’s larger hand over hers as he loosened her grip, taking the glass away from her and holding her hand on his. She followed him almost unconsciously as he led her to the couch. He sitted and then led her to sit almost on his lap, they were so close that when his hand cooped the side of her face to have her look at him, she could feel his warm cinnamon breath fanning against her skin. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, Taehyung was tracing invisible circles over the skin of her jaw and cheek with the pad of his thumb, both of them getting lost in each other’s eyes when he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

‘’ Please… Please don’t cry, don’t be sad… It hurts so much… It hurts so, so much’’ - He knew about her nightmares, at least the ones that she usually had where her ex-husband abandoned her and Haneul over and over again, she had mentioned them once when he found her just zoning out in the living room, unable to go back to sleep after a nightmare. His voice was strained, it sounded like it was in the bearge of breaking. As she remained silent, he gained some courage from the wonder and affection that her eyes always seemed to reflect when she looked at him. He traced over her face with the tip of his nose, in one of the most intimate shows of affection for hybrids, subtly breathing her in. She felt her cheeks burn as her heart threatened with leaving her chest, but didn’t make any attempt to move away from his touch. -

‘’ If you would just let me… If you will just look at me the way… If only I could become a man in your eyes. - He closed his eyes as he rested his forehead over hers, a pained expression claiming his sharp features. His lips almost brushing over hers as he spoke. Autumn felt so vulnerable, yet so safe there in his embrace. She took the opportunity to notice all of his little details like the cute little freckles in his nose, his left cheek and the side of his chin, or the way his long lashes rested on top of his cheek bones as he closed his eyes, his rosy lips an the natural blush that seemed to be always present over his honey like skin. Taehyung was simply breathtaking.

Her fingers brushed against his jaw line in an almost hesitant movement, skimming over his skin in a feather like touch but it got him to relax immediately, the frown disappearing, he let out a relieved sigh, the feeling of her touch over his skin felt like a lullaby to his heart. But then there was something soft and sweet pressed against his parted lips, his heart pounded against his ribcage. The contact lasted mere seconds making him whine in the absence of it. He opened his eyes, facing the storm on hers. She was searching for his reaction, he could see the fear aflame in the depth of her grey orbs.

He knew at that very moment that he would give his life for this woman in a blink.

‘’ Noona...Can you do that again?’’ - He breathed out a plea over her lips, his eyes going back and forth from her eyes to her lips as if he was begging her, and he was, by all means ready to beg for her. She moved painfully slowly, her eyes also wandering over his face until her lips met his once again and this time, Taehyung took his time to savor her, his hand sneaked to the back of her head to keep her in place, he felt so blissfully light headed that he wouldn’t be surprised if he was to wake up the next morning and realize that it was just another dream. He almost cried out loud when she pulled away from him.

‘’ Taehyung… I... ‘’ - He didn’t want to hear it, he didn’t want to know what her eyes were trying to say. He could sense the confusion, the fear that rolled out of her like crashing waves. The little bit of her conversation he had overheard a few weeks ago back at Yoongi’s apartment playing over and over in his head.’I’m just his sponsor and he is our hybrid’ she had said crushing the fluttering hope that had erupted in his chest when he had heard how she told Jin about. Haneul asking if he could be her dad, he wasn’t able to hear the whole conversation but what he heard was enough for him to understand his place in their lives.

He had convinced himself that he was completely ok with that, he was happy to at least be allowed to just stay with them but after the moment they just shared he understood how greedy he had become and how much of them he wanted. He couldn’t take it.

‘’ It’s because I’m a hybrid, right? ‘’ - He murmured more to himself than anything else but she heard him and tried to stop him in a panicked attempt. He couldn’t take it, he needed to get out, he needed some time to think. -

And so, he ran. His heartbeat was so loud that it was the only thing he could hear. So loud that he couldn’t hear her

‘’No, that’s not...no, please no… Don’t leave us… Don’t leave me’’ - Autumn could feel the panic attack closing her throat. Incapable of really moving to try and console her hysteric 5 year old that had woken up to the image of her beloved hybrid hero running away and her mom becoming a crying mess. -

#thetruthuntoldnet #bts fic #bts hybrid au #bts au fanfic #BTS jimin #BTS jin #bts jhope #bts yoongi #btsv #bts tae tae #bts taehyung #bts hybrid fluff #bts hybrid series #hybrid taehyung #bts namjoon #bts rm #bts jungkook #jimin hybrid

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malfoysqueen54 · 4 years

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In The Name Of The Father

Steve Rogers X OFC

Warnings: Character Death, Cussing, violence, angst, NSFW….all the possible triggers. Always be warned!!

18+ Only PLEASE! Beware my work can end up anywhere in smutville!!

Phil Coulsons daughter was devoted to her father, now in his death she devotes herself to Steve Rogers. In his memory. The girl she never felt he wanted no matter how she tried to be the super solider he dreamed of having as a son. Now as Steve’s friend/ partner/ agent, she must deal with her baggage, but that chip on her shoulder is hard to remove. Even with Steve’s charms.

One year Later

Brooke spoke to the car, telling it to send the text to Steve. He was easy to track by the GPS in his phone. She rounded the corner and saw him speaking to another guy and chuckling. Her black corvette pulled up along the curb, she parked it as she lowered the passenger window.

“Hey boys, either of you know where the Smithsonian is? I’m here to pick up a fossil.” She smirked. Steve had already turned and started towards the car.

“Your hilarious,” he said getting in.

“How you doin?” Brooke looked at the at the other guy as he spoke and gave a sly grin.

“Hey,” she answered.

Steve slightly shook his head. “Can’t run everywhere.”

Brooke pulled out into traffic toward S.H.I.E.L.D. “Showing off on your run again, Rogers?” she asked, glancing at him then back at the traffic.

He turned to her. “Gotta stay in shape.”

She gave a short laugh of disbelief. “Doubt that’s a problem. If that muscle didn’t lax in seventy years, it’s not going to, you lucky bastard.”

Steve’s eyebrows raised smirking. “Maybe it was the ice.”

“Maybe it’s that beefcake serum they fed you.” She turned into the parking garage and pulled into her spot.

Steve chuckled as he got out. “Did you really just call me a beefcake?” He walked around the back of the car toward her as she made her way into the elevators.

“Yeah, but I see you more as the frozen ones you get from fast food restaurants. Been sitting there god knows how long. They’re really bad for the hips and thighs.” Her grin turning a little sinister.

Steve looked to the floor and took a deep breath in and out with a grin. For a year, he had worked with her, and her sarcasm and dry wit could rival Stark’s. That was an accomplishment. He looked up at her as they exited the elevators to head to the locker rooms. “True, yet every now and then, you just have a craving for one.”

She stopped and his grin widened at her expression. He loved being able to throw her zingers back at her. “Well,” she began. “Good thing I know how to contact Thor.” She rolled her eyes, turning into the women’s locker room. He turned with a laugh, heading into the men’s.

Hours later, he saw Brooke’s name flash across the phone’s screen. He inhaled and exhaled heavily, hitting the ignore button, Fury or Nat must have called her. He got off the bike and walked into the museum, unaware she tracked him.

Brooke bit her lip sighing as she watched him. She gave him a lot of shit, yet she knew what it was to be alone, to feel alone. Her heart ached as she followed him around. She looked to the floor when he stopped by Sergeant Barnes’ corner. Her heart felt heavy as he watched the movie with Agent Carter. His whole life was gone; friends, family, the world forever changed in the time it took to fall asleep for him. Brooke wanted to go easy on him, yet she never did; the resentment always overtook her.

He headed toward his bike and she let him go, able to keep track of him with her phone. She needed to relax and have a drink. She refused to let herself fall into anymore pity for Captain Rogers.

Steve’s mind was racing. Instead of turning toward his apartment just yet, he turned the other way. He needed to talk to Brooke. He parked his bike behind her car and made his way up to the seventh floor. He rarely went there, which had never struck him as odd until just then, as he stood before her door. It had only been a handful of times, if that many, over the last year. He let out a heavy breath and knocked.

Brooke opened the door and scoffed slightly, but smiled and leaned on the door. “Yes, Rogers?

Steve nodded, sticking his keys in his pocket. “Thought we should talk.”

She looked him over and shrugged, moving away from the door to let him in. “Hungry?” she asked as she moved to the kitchen.

He looked over to her as he stood by the table in front of the windows by the kitchen. “Actually.” His brow furrowed then he smiled. “Yeah.”

“Well sit” She nodded toward the table. “My mother would be disappointed if I didn’t offer to feed you. Growing boy and all.”

“I think the growing is done.” Steve laughed lightly.

“Still, my mom taught me my manners,” she replied as he watched her move around the kitchen.

A gentle smile curved his lips, watching her do something so simple. She wore just plain deep blue leggings, a black tank top and pull over. Her feet were bare. It was simple, yet he had never really seen her like that before. Her hair was in a messy bun, and he was struck once again at just how beautiful she could be without trying. This hardened soldier was truly a soft, simple woman under all that sarcasm and hard edges.

“What are we having?” he asked still watching her.

She put the pasta in the pot of boiling water and checked on her chicken in the oven. “Chicken Parmigiana.” She looked over at him. “Had it yet?”

“No, I haven’t. I think it’s on the list, though.” He nodded.

“Oh yes.” She smiled. “The handy little list.” She shook her head gently and grabbed a glass, pouring two fingers of the whiskey she was drinking into a glass for him and put it on the table. “You may be riding home, but I also know it will metabolize before you finish dinner.”

Steve chuckled. “True.” He gripped the glass and drank some, then looked at it. “That is surprisingly better than the other stuff I have had.”

“It’s Jameson. Irish Whiskey, very smooth.” She held up her glass and took a drink from her own before turning to take out her chicken, check her pasta and stir her sauce.

“Well, it’s good. Did your mother teach you to cook, I assume?” he asked, putting his glass down.

“You assume right. Mom always said at the end of the day, a woman must keep her man happy in the kitchen and the bedroom, and she can do no wrong.” She chuckled, putting together his plate.

Steve nodded slowly. “I think that was true even in the forties.”

“Yeah, it was. Been that way since the medieval ages. A woman’s stigma,” she replied, walking over with their plates and then grabbing bottles of water for them, and sat down across the table from him.

“Smells amazing,” Steve said looking at it and then taking his first bite as she did. He nodded. “Wow. It is amazing.”

Brooke couldn’t help but shake her head. “Yes, Rogers, I can cook. I can do more than shoot a gun and kick people in the face,” she said blandly.

Steve sighed with a sad smile. “I don’t underestimate you. Just so you know.”

“You don’t trust me, though.” Her brow quirked at him.

“I don’t know anything about you, besides your military background. So, you don’t trust me, either. You don’t share anything with me,” he countered as he took another drink of his whiskey, looking at her. She had visibly tensed up.

She finished her bite of food and looked at him, taking a deep breath. “We are partners, we work together. My job is to have your back, Rogers, and I do. Whether you believe that or not, I can’t help that. I am not easy to work with. I am a bitch, I know that.” She reached for her glass and took a drink before continuing. “My personal history, is my own.” Her eyes met his. “My life is my job. That’s you. You are my job. No, I have no family anymore, my parents are gone. I don’t have relationships because it’s baggage I don’t need over my head in case someone needs to get to me. I am the job, always have been.”

Her speech was so matter of fact. Yet, Steve had more questions rolling through his head after it. “I am your job, yet you don’t really like me,” he said tilting his head as he continued to eat.

Brooke nodded. “I admit, your annoying. That self-righteous thing you have. So perfect I want to hit you with a sledgehammer to knock you off the pedestal. Yet, I respect you, Rogers. You’re a hell of a soldier, the damn symbol of America. So, us other soldiers who came after you, none of us live up to Captain Rogers. So, it can suck and aggravate,” she explained to him as she finished, taking both their plates in the kitchen. She held up her glass asking if he wanted another drink.

Steve shrugged getting up and walking into the kitchen so she could fill his glass. “Sounds lonely.”

Brooke shrugged. “I am an Alpha female. No one can handle me but Alpha males, yet they also make me want to kill them ninety percent of the time. It’s a catch 22.”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh and Brooke looked at him, taking a deep breath. “Why are you really here, Steve?”

Steve let out a huge sigh. “Fury.”

“Ah, yes. Fury called and said you were having a tantrum.” She nodded, going over to sit at the table again.

“I was not and he didn’t say that,” he replied dryly and moved to take the seat across from her again at the table.

“That’s what I gleaned from it. Rogers, look, not everything is black and white.” She looked at him seriously. “Fury was right. He didn’t want you to do something you felt was compromising. He knew the hostages would be important to you. Nat, she really is comfortable with everything. So, he had her do it. Secrets and shadows is just how this game is played. You were in the military. It’s always been smoke and mirrors, good guys trying to outdo the bad guys.” Her head tilted slightly looking at him, trying to get him to understand.

Steve’s lips pursed. “I know.”

“Sometimes being right isn’t enough. You,” she paused, gesturing toward him. “Were the military experimenting with trying to outdo the bad guys.”

He nodded his head, his gaze on the table. “Trust is tricky. You never know who is who anymore.”

Brooke sighed, but agreed. “That’s true. All we have is our gut. Trust that. Okay? It usually will never steer you wrong.”

“Then why does it tell me to trust you?” Steve smirked a little.

Brooke smirked back. “Well because you can. Despite the drawbacks I have with you Rogers, you know even if only deep down, I am loyal to a fault, unfortunately. Soldiers fight and die for one another and together. I have always been a soldier first. Just like you.”

Steve looked at her and smiled feeling better having talked to her. “I will figure you out one day, Collins”

Brooke laughed and shook her head. “Don’t hold your breath, boy wonder.” Then she took a sip of her drink.

@thorne93 @buckysforeverprincess @superfanficnatural @pegasusdragontiger @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @magellan-88 @st-eve-barnes @emoryhemsworth

#Steve Rogers x OFC #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america x female reader #captian america fanfiction #steve rogers angst #masterlist #in the name of the father

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badbitchwhomeditates · 3 years

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Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again.

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before.

Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey?

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax.

Nope, it doesn’t stop.

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages?

I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy.

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??)

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy.

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving.

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much. But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown.

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates

#badbitch #spiritual development #self improvement #selfcare #main character #music #singer #aestheitcs

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beccasbigworld · 3 years

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Blog Post #1 Examining Youth Culture

I loved watching the show Euphoria the best out of all of the assigned movies and shows. It’s been something I’ve been wanting to watch for a while so I thought this was the perfect opportunity to binge the whole season. The movies and shows assigned to watch were, Euphoria, The Breakfast Club, Mean Girls, Mid-90’s and KIDS. I know... That’s so fetch, right? Throughout each film, there were tons of astounding characters, some being well known throughout society. Perhaps Regina George rings a bell to anyone? However, despite all of the fantastic characters in each work, I feel as if I identify with Rue from the show Euphoria the most. I feel the most connected to Rue because she is a young teenage girl who has to deal with mental health issues but also the fact that she has fluid sexuality. She likes men, women and just gravitates towards anyone she feels connected to. I'm part of the LGBTQ+ community so the amount of representation I felt in the show was slightly overwhelming. Especially since many older shows and films lack representation so when something arises with more LGBTQ+ representation it makes me happy. I also know how it feels to be in Rue’s shoes, especially with her relationship with Jules in the show. The whole season is a rollercoaster of Rue and Jule’s relationship and as the season progresses Rue finally takes the leap of faith and kisses Jules. **Sorry if I spoiled it for anyone** I’ve been in situations with past relationships where I liked a girl for so long but never could make the move and it was interesting to see Rue’s confidence build and I think her becoming sober helped with that aspect. An article titled The Unicorn Scale written by bi.org it discusses the different sexualities and identities of the characters in the show. It states that Rue, “Rue’s sexuality seems to be unexplored but fluid, she is clearly interested in men, women, and everyone else. Rue’s bisexuality is not shown as the cause or causing her drug addiction, it is simply another facet of who she is. Her nerves seem limited to the normal anxieties we feel for our first love” (The Unicorn Scale: Euphoria) Rue’s character also goes through many ups and downs throughout the season. She struggles with drug addiction and staying sober. She lost her Dad to cancer and had to have her younger sister find her overdosed in her room. Three common themes I’ve noticed in each of these films and shows are one, family dynamic/struggles, sex, and, coming of age moment.

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The first theme, family dynamic/struggles is relatable to youth culture because growing up as a young adult or teenager can bring a lot of family issues. For example, in the movie MID90’S the main character Stevie is physically abused by his brother Ian. In one scene, Ian barges through Stevie's room in the middle of the night and punches him repeatedly. There is also no father in the picture and his mother is a single mom. So this could contribute to some of the reasons why Ian abuses Stevie. He could be taking out his anger in the only way he knows how and that’s with violence. I feel that people, especially young men struggle with dealing with their emotions and healthily expressing them. This theme also relates to me because I struggle with family issues and throughout the years it has taken a toll on my mental health. We also see in the movie KIDS the family dynamic and how it affects the main character, Telly. In one scene they show Telly’s mom taking care of the baby in their small city apartment. Telly asks for money and the mom says she doesn’t have any to give. Telly goes out and says he will be back later. The mom is so focused on the baby that she is not paying close attention to her son and what he is doing. This negatively affects Telly because he gets into the wrong group of people. This happens often without young people, it's a form of negligence that can lead people down the wrong path.

Another example is the dynamic between Nate Jacob's and his father in the show Euphoria. From a young age, Nate has been intimidated and scared by his father. In one scene, Nate’s father comes into his room and tells him how he played in the football game. Nate and his father get into a physical altercation and Nate starts to beat his head repeatedly against the floor. The second theme of sex is a big issue in most of these films and tv shows. When viewing and studying youth culture I’ve noticed how sex is a big part of a young person's life. Especially when I was in high school, sex was a majority of what people were talking about and it always mattered who was hooking up with who. I didn’t necessarily care for it and I had my experiences later in my life and at the end of the day, I don’t think it’s worth the hype and stigma around it. There are more things to do and talk about than sex. In the movie KIDS for example the main discussion of the film was sex and how the main character Telly wanted to have sex with virgins because they were seen as pure and innocent and he had the power to take that away from them. In the movie MID90s, the character Stevie has his first sexual experience and it was very real for many young people. In the scene, he starts to shake and get nervous, in an interview conducted and written by Slate Culture, asks Jonah Hill, the director of the Mid90s film, about the scene. Jonah states, “To me, showing it as harsh and as honest as it was back then was the point. You know? The point that this kid is terrified and shaking during his first sexual experience. And we get to see that as the audience. And he only gets happy and excited once he realizes it’s his currency to raise up through the group And that’s a fucked-up lesson that a lot of people now are having to unlearn from this time period And to me, I just wanted to show how that was and let the audience see that for what it is” (Bloomer) When you have your first sexual experience it can be a very nerve-wracking moment and in youth culture, the sexual experience is different for many and I believe it's split between boys and girls. As portrayed in these films for the young men, when they have sex it’s a powerful experience that boosts their confidence when they tell the group of guys they are associated with. For girls, it’s a moment that is more kept to themselves and cherished in a sense.

Being that I identify as a lesbian my experience doesn’t follow the heterosexual story so it’s interesting to me to see how the experience can be for heterosexual people. Lastly the last theme of a coming of age moment. I feel that when you are a young teen there is always this hope that you will have this coming of age moment like in the videos. I feel that Hollywood does a good job of exaggerating what a coming of age moment is for a teen. The film that is a clear example of a coming of age moment is the iconic Breakfast Club. According to the source, Movies, “The Breakfast Club (1985) is perhaps one of the best examples of a classic ‘coming of age’ plot. The film details the lives of five high schoolers stuck in a weekend detention together, only to have the misfit gang bond together despite their differences. This cast of characters are delineated by the conventional roles they fill: the Outcast, the Princess, the Jock, the Basket Case, and the Brain” (Holderbaum) The Breakfast Club shows how highschoolers defeated the stigmas and social scale of highschool. This connects to me a lot because high school was a very difficult time for me. Just like the movie we watched Mean Girls, I was at the bottom of the social ladder because I was different from a lot of people. Being a lesbian, out in highschool isn’t fun especially when you have guys who say “I can change that”. Despite the exaggeration by Hollywood with this big coming of age moment, I believe that my coming of age moment just like the Breakfast club was defeated the social ladder and being a confident, strong, lesbian at the end of my high school career.

The soundtrack of a film, TV series impacts the narrative of a story because it can uplift any emotion or feeling a character is feeling or trying to portray. The soundtrack can make or break a film/show. The soundtrack is a narrative of the story and can bring chills down your spine when watching a film. If a soundtrack is not done well the movie is not as impactive. In the movie the Breakfast club mostly everyone knows the famous song Don’t You and the iconic last scene. If it wasn’t for that song I believe the movie would not have been as famous. The playlist I made called Adolescent experience is a list of 10 songs that define me and myself growing up as a young teen trying to figure herself out. The first song on my playlist is, Electric Feel by MGMT, this song was one of the first songs that I listened to when I got my first iPod. The feeling it gave me felt like I was in an indie film when I would listen to it on long car rides. The second song on my playlist is What You Know by the Two Door Cinema Club. This song helped me with coping with my feeling of being lonely and feeling like I had no one to connect with, especially with being a young teen still stuck in the closet. The third song on my playlist is Little Secrets by Passion Pit. The band Passion Pit was one of the first bands I ever discovered and fell in love with. The fourth song I have in my playlist is 1901 by Phoenix. Anytime I listen to this song it gives me this feeling that I can accomplish anything. The fourth song is All For Us from the show Euphoria and sung by Zendaya and Labrinth. I love this song because it reminds me of the love I carry to many people in my life and how it can be tiring doing things for love all the time. The next song, Work by Rihanna is one of my favorite songs to dance to and it reminds me of a great memory of my middle school best friend Nina and me. The seventh song is Butterflies by Kacey Musgraves, this song is very meaningful to me because it's me and my girlfriend's song and it’s a reminder of the growth I have made within myself and my love life. The eighth song is Cruise by Florida Georgia Line, this was the first country band I started listening to when I was younger and the band reminds me of a very traumatic experience in my life. The ninth song is Man I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain. This song strikes a happy memory in my childhood because when all of my siblings were little and would be in my mom's suburban driving down the road we would sing this with her. The last song on my playlist is The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala. This song just gives me an overall feeling of happiness and it was a song I listened to a lot when I was in a really good spot mentally.

#Blogpostone #Youtube #Spotify

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thegeminisage · 4 years

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sorry but i have been thinking about this for ages and it’s time 2 get it off my chest

kind of wild to be a gamer & a lady & engaging in fandom in 2020 because in my social circles/life in general there is a HUUUGE disconnect (long post goes behind a cut)

growing up, Games Were Only For Boys. my first interactions with games in a sense where i was actually engaging with the story of them did not involve me at the controller, it involved me watching my brother play

in my late teens and early adulthood up til now, Fandom And Especially Fan Fiction Is For Women - obviously there are exceptions to this, but in this post i am speaking in a very broad, general, stereotyped sense

which is wild because when i began writing fanfiction (for video games, in 2003) there were a LOT of guys who also wrote fanfiction that usually just involved action/adventure plots and little to no romance and i think that stopped because the stigma of fanfiction is that it’s romance/erotica aimed towards the ladies

the Fandom That’s For Women is very very VERY focused on shipping, romance, and sex

games, especially story-heavy games, can often also be full of sex shoved in your face - but that’s sex aimed at men, not women - women in skimpy outfits, jiggly boob physics, etc

true irony is that nowadays in fandom if you DON’T write the slash or you ship m/f characters you’re more likely to get hate for being homophobic or whatever but in 2006 when i was writing fma and ff6 slash i got shit on ALL THE TIME for publishing “that gay shit” and while i’m well aware slash as it exists today existed also way before 2003-2006 i wasn’t in those spaces i was in video game spaces and They Were For Men

so if you’re not in the engaging in fandom in the Stereotypical Dude Way (no gays, only boobs & violence against women, fanfic is stupid) or the Stereotypical Lady Way (ship everyone with everyone, romance is the focus, obligatory sex scenes) you can like sometimes find this section of fandom (SOMETIMES) that’s like...all gen only gen 110% of the time ONLY wholesome content ONLY fluff canon romances get a pass but nothing else and it’s like you’d write your mom and dad, not like, Romantic, it’s innocent in an almost childlike way, because there is also the stereotype that games are Only For Children

which is fine but it’s like...a lil boring...sometimes...not that i don’t have my “gen and fluff ONLY” days/fandoms because we do get tired of pointless sex & romance - i also definitely have my “oh they are ALL fuckin” days/fandoms...experiences are fluid...

anyway much more women play games and engage in fandoms for games now & thats dope as hell but for me personally there’s still this weird disconnect of like...i want to enjoy fandom (maybe especially game fandom bc fandoms for games are almost always very small) in a way that’s adult and explores the depth of the stories available to us but i don’t want to do it in a “obligatory bikini-clad woman and blood & guts scene” way or a “obligatory sex scene & everybody’s shipped with everybody” way either so like......idk. i’m not wording this very well i don’t think

i guess i miss how game fandom was in the early/mid 00s...despite the sexism and homophobia and etc...obviously all that is bad

but i think it’s harder these days to find good solid adventure/action fics these days ESPECIALLY for video games

bc 1. most men don’t typically write fanfiction anymore and they are less likely to write romance 2. there’s this unspoken pressure that if you ARE writing fanfiction they Gotta smooch (or do more than smooch) & if you don’t stick it in there your fic falls anywhere on a scale of “boring” to “problematic” - there’s a huge focus on romance especially between same-sex characters - and i think PART of it is because we staaaarving for seeing those sorts of relationships written BY women and queer people in proper mainstream media which is valid but also partly that it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy - everybody thinks fanfic is for romance so it continues to be about romance

i just want like a middle ground...is that too much to ask...especially in game fandoms...

ok for an example...ff13 is the WORST offender re: fandom stuff

what little fic there is is like focused on shipping fang/vanille which i dont like bc i see her as fang’s lil sister or hope/lightning or hope/snow which is like ?!?!?! because he’s like 14 or hope/noel because they’re literally the only 2 dudes who are in their early 20s and romantically available even though they BARELY speak to one another...like half the appeal of 13 to me was the very limited romance and YEAH i love me some fang/lightning but where’s the gen?! there isn’t any because gen’s too boring!!! men would write gen but they don’t write fanfiction!!! (or there would be needless sexualizing of/violence against women. i’m not going to sit here and say i actively want to read stuff written by men more than i want to read stuff written by women when i know that’s usually how that goes lol) and when you do find gen it’s like...VERY wholesome and thats great sometimes i have written that tooth-rotting fluff but ff13 is a dark game that deals with dark stuff sometimes... you see what i mean??

anyway. drives me batty

and it’s wild too that the PEOPLE in my life who engage with fandom all distinctly fit into Guy Fandom or Girl Fandom or Gen Only Fandom...i rarely ever see crossovers...my brother is the first most of my friends from tumblr are the second and a lot of people i met thru undertale are the third...Girl Fandom does not engage in game fandom much, most of game fandom is Gen Only Fandom or Guy Fandom...but i want the lessened romance/sex of Gen Only and Guy Fandom, the adultness of Guy Fandom and Girl Fandom, and the “please stop objectifying and victimizing women” of Girl Fandom and Gen Only Fandom...HOW do i get this...i don’t...i can’t...Gen Only Fandom tends to stay so far away from heavier darker stuff too and i like my heavy shit...it’s a Problem...

again there are obvious exceptions to these generalizations...these are just personal observations...nobody send me mean anons...i just had to get that out there

this isn’t very well worded if you made it to the bottom thank you for indulging me

#personal #this is a dumb post #no one understands me!!!!!!!! i'm just out here #a lonely gamer #caught in the middle of everything #:(((

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