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pynkhues · 1 year

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Hey, really love your succession meta, I hope this is welcome in your ask box. Idk if this is something you talked about already, but there is this persuasive assumption in the general fandom space that roman was the only kid who suffered physical abuse ever that in my opinion isnt really supported in the text/subtext. The way the past abuse of all the roys is talked about, to me, always implied a wealth of countless, other traumatic experiences that are simply not talked about and may very well be physical abuse. To me it feels like it was set up this way to fire up the viewers imagination and illustrate the sheer, unspeakable magnitude of the abuse. I just cant see Logan never losing his temper and getting physical with the other sibs but I struggle to put into words why. What are your thoughts on this? Do you think Rome was the only kid facing physical abuse? Youre always so eloquent in your analysis and demonstrate a complex understanding of dv dynamics. I appreciate your work :)

Hey! Thank you for your kind words, anon, and it’s definitely welcome in my inbox!

Yeah, I’ve noticed that assumption about Roman a lot too, and it’s not one I personally agree with, although I do understand why people make it. Roman is, after all, the only one of the four children that the show explicitly depicts receiving physical abuse, and he’s the only one who really has his abuse talked about by the other children (interestingly, on both occasions Roman’s abuse is actually weaponised against other characters, not against Roman. Kendall uses it as a way to try and hurt their father in 4.02, and Shiv uses it as a way to say that Kendall deserves greater punishment from their father than he’s receiving in 2.01).

I actually would say that we’ve had pretty explicit evidence that Kendall received physical abuse too, namely in the way that Logan came at him at Connor’s ranch after Kendall’s relapse in 1.07 (especially because I’d argue Kendall was doing in that scene what Roman has done a few times now by seeking out the hit, and the reason Logan held off was less about not wanting to, and more that he punishes his children by not giving them what they want), and in Logan hitting Iverson with the tin of cranberries in 1.05. I talked about the latter in this post, but I’ve always read the blocking of Kendall behind Iverson as a way of having a flashback without having a flashback, and the way that the episode ties Kendall and Iverson’s experiences as the same I think underscores that.

(It’s hard to comment on this particular point without seeing the scripts, but Arian Moayed has said in an interview too that the script for 4.04 had Stewy say that he’d seen Logan through a shoe at Kendall which I do think is likely meant to echo what Shiv says about Logan beating Roman with a shoe in 2.01 too, but given the scene was condensed, I’ll leave it out as canonical evidence at this point).

As for Shiv and Connor, yeah, I do think there was physical abuse for both of them as well, and I think it was probably fairly common for Connor when he was very young, and probably infrequent enough for Shiv for her to push it down (honestly though, given her character, I wouldn’t even be surprised if a part of her re-wrote it in her head as a positive after the fact. Getting hit means, after all, that she’s one of the boys).

So it does beg the question of why Roman’s abuse is easier for them all to acknowledge. I have a few theories about that, but ultimately, I think it comes down to an adolescent othering of Roman by Shiv and Kendall, and all four of their relative proximity to each other in their formative years.

Alan Ruck has said that Connor’s about fifteen years older than Kendall which puts him in a unique situation growing up where I imagine there’s a lot about his childhood through to his young adulthood that the Golden Trio simply don’t know due to the age gap. They obviously know bits and pieces – what happened to Connor’s mother for instance, Logan’s temporary abandonment, and the situation with the cake – but I’d generally say that those are life events that scaffold a childhood, they don’t provide the detail of it.

The child desertion that came with Logan’s temporary abandonment too would also have been extremely formative to Connor as a character. We don’t know when this was (although I do have my own theories on that too), but it would’ve fundamentally changed any existing dynamic between Connor and Logan, and I think we see that quite clearly in the man Connor is. His people pleasing, his co-dependency, his need to control the terms of his relationships (notable in the entire context of his relationship with Willa), his fear of rejection, and his fawn response to certain situations are all symptomatic of childhood abandonment. I imagine a lot of that started after Logan’s desertion, but then likely were compounded with Logan’s re-entry into his life, and I think that grew into his sort of subservience and performed affability which was likely inherently tied to the fear of being abandoned again.

In that sense, I think there was probably less physical abuse with Connor as he got older because he learnt how to navigate their father’s temper and stopped testing it / always acquiesced out of a fear of being deserted again. If most of his physical abuse was when he was a child or a teenager, well, Kendall, Roman and Shiv hadn’t even been born, there’s already a remove for them in terms of their relation to it.

With Kendall, Roman and Shiv, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Roman being sent away to school in Delaware while Kendall and Shiv were both living with their father still and going to school in Manhattan. There’s a childhood separation there when it comes to Roman, yes, which breeds its own sort of ‘othering’, which I’ll come back to, but I do think there’s a lot of evidence in the show that depicts Kendall and Shiv as forming something between a ‘half and half’ and a ‘trauma-shield’ sibling relationship.

I’m getting a bit scientific here, so I hope you don’t mind, but a half and half sibling relationship is described as consisting of ‘the reenactment of traumatic events with their sibling due to the flawed attachments the sibling has to their caregiver. This sibling relationship is often the most violent, and is seen as a love-hate relationship with each other. This often plays out as the siblings’ relationship becomes too important as a substitute source of nurturing and threatening as a potential cause for abandonment. The siblings are confused about their psychological connection to a caregiver, and act out a push/pull relationship with each other to achieve maximum comfort from that caregiver.’

On the other hand, the trauma shield sibling relationship is when siblings ‘use each other as a shield from the abuse and interrupt the development process. They become fixated at the same developmental level and exhibit similar interpretations of their struggles despite the chronological age difference.’

The show regularly depicts Kendall and Shiv as being mirrors to one another – they are the winning dog, the rightful heir, the only real competition to one another, and now the only two to be parents and continue the lines of succession – and I think we’ve seen the effect that’s had on both their lives. They have moments of genuine intimacy and trust, they defend each other, they reach for each other when things are blowing up and become active participants in each other’s attacks on others, just as they also are the most ruthless with one another, the most violent, they weaponise each other’s weaknesses (both real and perceived) and have tried to ‘kill’ each other more than any other iteration of the siblings.

I also think that they both are in extreme denial about the abuse they received, and I think that they enable that in each other and shield each other from the realities of it which is easier to do when Connor and Roman weren’t there for it, and easier to do when they have each other to reiterate the artifice of their lives. God, one of the things that’s so great about the karaoke confrontation in 4.02 is that it kind of lays that out. Kendall and Shiv work together in that scene in a way that shuts Roman and Connor out at best and at worst uses their abuse and neglect to make a point while never saying anything about what Logan’s done to them. Shiv might bring up Logan advising Tom on the lawyers, but even that is a way around the things we’ve seen Logan do to her, and Kendall’s literally behind her the whole time. They’re in-step in their refusal to acknowledge what their father’s done to them, just as they’re in-step in forcing their brothers’ abuse out into the open to make a point.

I think this dynamic likely established itself around the time Roman was sent away to school, because I think Roman being sent away fed into Kendall and Shiv’s shared narrative that they were the prized children. It likely did have this degree of othering for Roman which emphasised his perceived weakness in the eyes of all three of the Golden Trio, and I think he likely had readjustment periods when coming home for the holidays that did see him hit more. I think those periods likely let Kendall and Shiv off the proverbial hook until he inevitably went back to school, where they could control their own abuse narratives again through their shared understanding of what the ‘story’ was.

This has gotten very long, haha, so look! This is a roundabout way of saying that I think Logan’s parenting style has been divide and conquer for as long as he’s been a parent, and that that has coloured all four of their understandings of their own abuse. The difference is that Connor and Roman were cast out, and the fact of being cast out at all means that abuse and neglect has a light shone upon it. It gets some oxygen, it gets to breathe, which makes it real. Kendall and Shiv weren’t cast out, they were kept together in their father’s house in Manhattan, and I think getting to stay behind closed doors in the dark let them hide even from Connor and Roman. It didn’t see the light, it didn’t get any air, so it was never real. I think it allowed them the ability to hide, deny or re-write their abuse, and I think they used (and still use) each other to do it.

#this is so long anon i am very sorry #i've been thinking about this for a while but especially since 4.02 with the way kendall and shiv worked together against logan #it was Very Interesting #i've done quite a bit of trauma response training recently + have worked a lot in child safety over the last six years so i think i do watc #the show with a particular eye #hbo succession #roman roy #kendall roy #shiv roy #connor roy #logan roy #succession meta #cw abuse #welcome to my ama

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i-dor-u · 2 years

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001: enter the black swan blues...

NOTE: initially, this was an inside joke between me and my sibling. it’s innocent and unpolished, but nevertheless a cute thought. it’s different from what i usually make, but being overly-virtuous with my blog feels restrictive and a little self-sabotaging. maybe i will become more open, who knows? i hope this is a fun read, i certainly had fun thinking it up! please keep in mind that these are personal thoughts on the matter at hand.

❲ ⌕ ❳︙piece contents: twisted wonderland. dancing. quick and undetailed. possible spelling errors. nothing very explicit, but let me know if you spot anything! ❲ ⌕ ❳︙word count: 700-800. ❲ ⌕ ❳︙song recommendation: smiley — vals. ❲ ⌕ ❳︙pinned blog post.

HOW LIKELY ARE THE HOUSEWARDENS TO SLOW DANCE, FROM FIRST TO LAST, IN MY OPINION? A QUICK-N-SILLY ANALYSIS.

for the first, i would probably say vil, because everything about him screams in tongues of elegance and courtesy. well, maybe the latter not as much, it depends on his mood, and on the degree of interest he has towards his companion. however, even if he doesn't necessarily like someone enough to invite them to dance out of the affection he has for them or the appeal they have, maybe he'll do it just because he's a show-off. even so, if he picks the scent of ballroom struggle from you... oh, he’ll make you a fantastic dancer. i’m being unkind, but so is he.

next, i'd say malleus. fae customs and courtesy, right? he appears to be way more tolerable and way less promptitudinal than vil. you would actually enjoy dancing with him, and he'll enjoy it even more so. it's not every day he musters up the motivation to do this, you know. nor does he really get the opportunity, all things considered. but he's a pleasant companion. doesn't say too much, nor too little; doesn't do too much, nor too little. but he's eloquent, and has everything in his pocket. he likes to think that the great seven smile upon him, having found such a worthwhile companion; you.

riddle... he's well-mannered, he's traditional, and maybe he wouldn't pass an opportunity to slow-dance. but that's it, i don't see him as someone who indulges in any other sort of dancing. he's good at it, almost too good, and if you don't live up to his skills, well... off with your head, perhaps. but if he likes you, he'll overlook missteps and enjoy himself to the fullest either way. because he likes you! he also sees it as a minimal form of celebration that he’s not externally observed as a victim of helicopter parenting. he can break some rules when he’s beside you.

azul is probably not as benevolent as malleus, nor as strict as riddle. but hopeful in his own right. he probably won't ask for a dance unless you do, which he sort of hopes you would. then he probably becomes a show-off, but not enough for you to be unable to keep up, because two can play this game. until you two become a bit too playful, which results into lots of spinning, twirling, embracing, laughing and not being normal. and thus, you unintentionally capture a handful of curious gazes, wondering, who could this fellow be, and why does the housewarden indulge with them so much?

as for kalim, he isn't one for seriousness, so slow-dancing is probably not his forte. but he'll do his best for his beloved! you see, there isn't room for strictness, so if you trip over each other's feet, it's all laughter, all in good fun. if it doesn't work out, he'll suggest you two mess around however you like, which will probably result in the two of you screwing adequacy and standing out with your unusual dance moves. consoled by the thought that you’re the most eye-catching pair of the night. ballroom manners are out the window, but you're having the best time of your life.

would you wait on a slacker? because leona will be no less than dead meat. that is, unless he's infatuated with you, or something. he would be reluctant, i daresay embarrassed, he'll oppose it with all of his might. but that's all stage play for him to see just how insistent you can get. it worked out until you insinuated that he doesn't actually know how to slow dance. that's how all of his instincts kicked in, making you eat your words in ecstasy as he twists, turns and twirls you, pushed from behind by unseen air currents. you’re a feisty one, and he looks forward to seeing you all worn out.

initially, idia won't even want to hear of it. try to make inhumane efforts to even get him out of his room, and you still won’t. guilt pokes at his throat and the disappointment in your eyes drives him to the brink of self-deprecation. but the lowlights in his room and the reflection of his gaming screen make quite the scenery, and he realized he won't dissolve if he tried (though he wishes he could). your orbs drown in fulfillment, yet he refuses to make eye contact. with his face nuzzled on the crook of your neck, he thinks of how you should initiate these seemingly impossible quests with him more often.

©: writing belongs to i-dor-u & the characters used for creative purposes belong to their respective owners.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #vil schoenheit #vil x reader #malleus draconia #malleus x reader #riddle rosehearts #riddle x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul x reader #kalim al asim #kalim x reader #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #idia shroud #idia x reader #❲⌕❳ mazedotcom.

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neuroticboyfriend · 8 months

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Thank you for posting about MAPs and paraphilia as much as you do. These are all opinions I've been trying to express but I'm never able to word them eloquently enough to be clear.

!! i'm glad i've been able to be a voice. ik how few people talk about this favorably, even those that want to - whether it's hard to parse or just scary (which. it is very much both, hence why i get into pits of despair and say the same things over and over). it really helps me to get these kinds of asks, and i hope you know that i make these posts for you - for all of us, whether we're paraphiles or allies. because god knows the allies get treated as one of us.

#asks #anon #anti-contact paraphile #paraphile #para safe #pro para #pro paraphile #paraphile safe #anti-contact #paraphilia

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staybabblingbaby · 28 days

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SKZ x Janitor a1 d2

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: Reader is part of the janitorial staff at JYPE, assigned to the practice rooms, who is pretty good at avoiding the idols they work for. Slowly, they begin to encounter the members of Stray Kids, who draw Reader out of their shell.

Word Count: 1,292

Notes: This is the first one that really looks like the w.i.p it is lol. The beginning is super awkward and I'll probably redo that entirely. This concept is inspired by another fic, but I'll have to hunt it down bc I can't find it rn. I saw that one and went "I want that but without the smut" and so I wrote it lol. This one needs a lot of work, but I probs got frustrated bc it looks like I left off in the middle of sentence lmao.

Warnings: None that I know of? It's just silly fluff idk what u want from me.

Masterlist link :D

You hum lightly to yourself as you pull your hairband up from where it rested around your neck and push your hair out of your face. You double check that you have the appropriate ‘cleaning in progress’ and ‘wet floor’ signs up and turn to hijack the sound system every practice room was equipped with.

This was the most envied privilege of your assigned areas - you got to blast your music loud and proud as you cleaned instead of hoping your headphones can go loud enough to be heard over your machines without bursting your ear drums. It was envied in your opinion anyways. You wouldn’t trade areas for anything, even if the stink of sweat was overpowering sometimes.

You can’t help your amusement at the thought that there were some fans of the idols you worked for that would adore having to smell their stank every day. It was just an occupational hazard for you, though.

You’re sure being janitorial staff is no one’s dream, regardless of which building you happen to be cleaning. It works for you, though. You wouldn’t say it had been remotely in your life plan to be scrubbing huge mirrors, or airing out the smell of sweat from the JYP practice rooms, but you enjoyed the peace it allowed you.

Two years out of college, with an unrelated degree, in a country you’d never dreamed of moving to, and you still wouldn’t trade it for the world. The twists and turns of life that had lead you here hardly mattered anymore.

Besides, you don’t see the idols as much as you’d assume for someone who cleaned their practice rooms for a living. It was another privilege of yours, if anyone were to ask your opinion. Not that anyone asked you much of anything, aside from your supervisor. Your quiet existence as just another cog that kept everything running smoothly was soothing to you.

You could be loud and take up space outside of work. Not that you really did, but you could if you wanted to. Maybe you should. You were still virtually friendless a year and a half after getting this job. You only really spoke to your coworkers, and barely at that. Your homebody tendencies continue to sabotage your social life.

You had plenty of online friends, it was fine.

You’ve digressed. No idols equals privilege of your area. Right.

You knew several of the newer folks spent a few weeks after their hire giggling to each other when they got to see the idols just casually hanging around and doing their jobs, but you’d avoided them from the start.

At first it was just because you were shy and many idols had a bit of rbf going on. You’d been incredibly intimidated by both their beauty and their success, and your Korean hadn’t been as eloquent as you’d have liked it to be. By the time you’d spoken to enough trainees to relax around the idols, you’d still been unsure with your Korean. And then when you’d gotten that in order it’d been so long you simply felt awkward.

You’d been working in the building for a year and a half and had done a spectacular job at crossing paths with as few idols as possible. You weren’t about to seek them out now. You’d been sought out yourself a time or two, by idols that were close to the trainees you spoke with more frequently. Apparently you’d been labeled “the nice janitor noona with the snacks” and curiosity and food were fabulous motivators.

It didn’t happen frequently. When you’d asked about it, you’d learned that apparently you were being gatekept by the trainees. Ostensibly so they could keep your snacks for themselves, but you liked to believe they just liked you.

You finally get your phone connected to the speakers and start to blast your work playlist. You can’t help doing a little dancey-dance as you begin to sweep, mop, and wax the hardwood floor. What could you say? Your playlist was simply bop after bop.

You’re in the middle of dipping your mop handle low and pretending to sing along to Fall Out Boy when the door creaks open slowly.

You straighten quickly but there’s no way the person at the door didn’t see you goofing around.

“One sec!” You call out quickly, forgetting to speak Korean in your haste. You dash over to the sound system to pause your music, your ears ringing in the silence. When you turn around you’re confronted with the amused eyes of one Lee Know of Stray Kids.

“Ah, Lee Know-ssi!” You bow quickly but politely in greeting. “I’m sorry, this room is being cleaned right now, it’s not available for practice.”

Lee Know gives you a slow nod, looking like he was holding in a laugh.

“I know, I saw the sign,” Lee Know replies, tilting his head at you. You secretly let out a breath of relief at that. For a second there you’d thought you’d forgotten. “I was just curious who was playing music loud enough to hear outside.”

You immediately fluster at that, waving your hands in front of yourself, “Ahhh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to disturb!” You gesture at the floor machine sitting pretty in the corner of the room with your supply cart.

“I’ll be waxing the floor in a bit, usually the machine is loud enough to cover it. Hadn’t gotten there yet, though.” You laugh nervously, popping your wrists and fingers just for something to do with your hands.

Lee Know shakes his head, waving your apology aside. “No, you’re good, I got to see something fun out of it.”

You’re sure you flush bright red, and you cant help but bury your head in your hands with a groan. You can hear Lee Know stifle a laugh, but you’re too busy languishing in your humiliation to pay attention to him.

After a moment you peak at him from between your fingers. He still looks like he’s trying very hard not to laugh at you.

“If I bribe you with snacks will you erase this from your memory?” You plead with him. He raises an eyebrow at you and hums consideringly.

“Depends on the snack.” He finally concedes, prompting you to start towards your cart, much more at ease with a potential solution in sight.

“I’ve got a couple kinds,” You start to explain, “Everyone likes to ambush me for them, so I’ve learned to come prepared.”

You hear another huff of laughter from far closer than you were expecting, Lee Know having wandered over while you were distracted with rummaging though your cart. You have to move several things out of the way before you can grab the small basket containing your prize.

You may have gotten used to being ambushed for snacks, but that also meant you’d gotten used to hiding them so that you’d at least get to eat some of them. You swore the trainees could smell when you had their favorites stocked up. Animals, the lot of them.

“Who’s ambushing you?” Lee Know questions with amusement.

“Everyone who knows I have them.” You reply with false despair. “The trainees have a sixth sense for them, I fear.” Lee know snorts at that and you grin at him with equal mirth.

“Ah, yes, as a former trainee, I can confirm that they do.” He tells you somberly. You click your tongue and shake your head.

“I knew it.” you say, “They only love me for my snacks. And here I thought they just liked to talk.” You place a dramatic hand over your heart, acting hurt and betrayed.

Lee Know chuckles at you, but doesn’t respond as he leans in to

#baby writes #w.i.p fic #w.i.p #Janitor AU #skz fic #skz fanfic #skz x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader

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xion92 · 2 years

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TMMN: Masaya/Ichigo relationship analysis, episode 7

Hi everyone! Before starting the analysis of this episode, I have a question for you all: do you have any contacts with the producers of the old anime? I’d kindly like to write to them, and say to sit down, watch this anime and learn from this series how to characterize a character.

Folks, this show is treating Masaya very, very well. It’s giving him a great depth, which even the manga didn't have. Yes, the scenes are mostly from the manga, but it adds a lot of little things that dig his character even deeper and give even more meaning to this couple's bond. I don't know if Ikumi is behind all this, but if this is the case I can only be immensely grateful to her. Let's start, then.

Let's start by saying that this episode actually combines the last chapter of volume 2 and the first of volume 3. Condensing two chapters into a single episode, you'd think: they cut things, surely there will be less depth, the dynamics will not be understood. But it’s not like this.

So it begins with the scene that alone gives 10/10 to the episode. Ichigo falling asleep in class and having a dream about Masaya. Note that here, unlike in the manga, he dreams of kissing him. As in episode 4, he goes much further than the manga. Among other things, we finish seeing her dream before she actually wakes up (”Aoyama-kun, you’re so bad”...lol 🤣 what are you doing with him in your dream?), at this point I wonder how much further she goes with him in her fantasies 😁

An aspect of Masaya's character that I’ve always appreciated: he also likes Ichigo's carelessness and jokes about it with irony, but in any case he always helps her to solve the problems she caused. Oh, another nice foreshadowing: the blue handkerchief!

Ichigo, what did you want to do here, crash into him and throw him to the ground to kiss him again by mistake? 🤣

And it’s wonderful that Ichigo has fantasies of him kissing her and leaning her against the wall and in real life holding his shoulders from behind is enough to get her excited up to this point.😆

This part is very important: in those days, between her who was chasing Zakuro and him who had training, they talked a little. Clearly they are not a couple yet, at least officially, since in my opinion the ending of episode 3 was quite eloquent in this regard. But that's okay, relationships need to be developed slowly and they'll probably get together at the end of the season. Masaya is busy with kendo these days, so for the moment she is content to give him her support in words and starts to walk away from him.

Masaya shows, again, his impetuousness which he has already shown before, but which over time he’ll show more and more. He doesn't ask her to wait, he actually stops her by taking her by her arm, again showing how he can't handle his actions when he gets excited. He too wants to go out with Ichigo again and spend time with her because he wants to get to know her better, admitting between his lines he likes her. And then something happens that I wanted so much to see but didn't really believe they actually would do: as far as possible, the authors let us hear his thoughts. I say "as far as possible” because with him they have to be careful. Just one word in excess, and you might understand that he’s no ordinary guy. But they give us as much as they can.

Oh, a tip to the animators: when you draw a new eyebrow to replace the wrong one, you should erase the wrong one. I hope this error is eliminated in the DVD. 😆 Anyway, here he thinks "if I know more about you ..." and I conclude it: "...I will be able to understand why I feel so weird with you."

And in fact when she goes away he asks to himself "what is this feeling?" Poor darling. Again, he's in love with her but he doesn't realize it and he doesn't know how he feels about her. This scene is similar but also different from the manga: in fact, there we didn’t hear his thoughts and there was no torment of not understanding what the feeling he felt was. Of course, you could have arrived at it through reasoning, but seeing it on screen in such a blatant way is another matter entirely.

We then see a scene that we never saw in the manga: Masaya interacting with his training mates. Here they mostly talk about the Mew Mew, but from their lines, such as the fact that his mates know that he always talks to a girl but not her name, we understand that Masaya is very reserved, he doesn’t talk to them about his personal things (they know that he always talks to Ichigo only because they saw them together, certainly he didn't tell him about her) and he has no real connection with any of them. Masaya is a guy who until now has always been alone despite being always surrounded by people on a superficial level, Ichigo is the only one who has managed to get close to him on a personal level and to involve him with actual feelings.

Adorable that Ichigo, as in the manga, made for him a cat-shaped lucky charm, which here acquires a deeper meaning, since she learned in episode 3 that he has a soft spot for cats. Besides, she made it with the same color of her fur, and she put a red bell like hers, as if to say: with this lucky charm, you’ll always keep me with you.

And here comes out what had already been glimpsed in the previous episodes: Ichigo's paranoia, which here compared to the manga has a different reason. In the manga, she is basically scared because she fears she is being discovered by him. In the anime, however, she feels terribly guilty because she lied to him, and she is sure that if he finds out the truth he’ll never forget her and he won’t speak to her anymore. She walks away like that because she feels like a bad person, she almost regrets letting their relationship go on like this, because it's hard to go back now, she knows that, if she continues to stay with him, she will have to keep lying to him and it doesn't make her feel good. Moreover, she knows that he, of all people, is the one who came closest to discovering her identity, and indeed it’s like this, even if Masaya at this point in the episode still has some doubts.

I loved this line, which wasn't in the manga: I didn't see you, but I felt you were there. He already has such a high connection with her that he feels her presence even if he can’t see her.

And he tries asking her: are you that Mew Mew? Because Masaya has no idea what Ichigo thinks about it, and surely there wouldn’t be any problem for him if she answered yes, so she asks her such a direct question. He loves her for who she is, she was the first person to make him feel real feelings, what does he care if she's a Mew Mew? But of course Ichigo doesn't know it, and such a question would be a big deal for her. I always wondered what she would answer him if he could finish the question.

The detail of this scene is beautiful: as soon as they perceive the danger, they instinctively go close to protect each other in case of need. And in fact the danger arrives. And here we have something great, which surpasses even the manga, in my opinion.

Remember this scene? Before watching the episode, I was a little worried about the lack of Quiche, because in this manga scene we have Masaya who openly stands up to him, and Quiche also compares him to Ichigo, because Masaya has a strong personality like her. And I thought, without Quiche there won't be this scene and something of Masaya's character will be lost. Instead, the anime also gives us something better.

He doesn't just scream, he not only dodges Ichigo from the attack, he takes a stick and fights alone, when he's still just a normal boy, against monsters! Moreover, to protect Ichigo, which was not there in the manga because he was alone. What a man! It’s therefore not important Quiche’s missing, because the point of that scene in the manga wasn’t to show their interaction, but to show how strong Masaya was. And this is shown to us perfectly in the anime, in a different and better way, so once again, I totally approve of the change that has been made. Furthermore, Masaya manages to resist enough against monsters, taking advantage of the skills he has developed in kendo (in which he is skilled because he was created by a god who uses the sword as a weapon).

Ichigo then, even if at that moment she can’t transform because she’s with him, she doesn’t stay still, leaving him all the work, but she too takes a stick and tries to help him. Even from these signals, despite the misunderstandings that will constitute an obstacle for them up to volume 5, we can see how they are building a healthy relationship, made up of mutual help and support.

Only when Masaya is hit and the wasp is about to kill him, Ichigo decides to transform to save him, even if she’s there in front of him. And here we have something that wasn't in the manga. In the manga, Masaya at the end of the chapter is not sure Ichigo is a Mew Mew, and he says so in the last panel of the chapter: he is suspicious, but it can't be. Here, however, even if the lines the characters exchange are almost the same, from the shots and the tones of the voices we understand well that Masaya understands perfectly in this moment that Ichigo is a Mew Mew. Also because as she transforms, he sees her clearly and his suspicions are definitively confirmed.

The subs are inaccurate. He actually tells her “kimi wa Mew Mew”, "you are a Mew Mew", as in the manga, but in the manga the interpretation is deliberately ambiguous. He could mean "ou in a generic sense are a Mew Mew", or "then you Ichigo are really a Mew Mew". In the anime, on the other hand, you understand what he means by the tone of his voice, and it is very clear that it’s the second. He's clearly saying "Ichigo, you're a Mew Mew."

Poor Ichigo, crying ... it makes me really sad to see her like this. She understood what it actually happened, he know who she is. She’s desperate as she fights because she knows that this is the end of their relationship, as she’s sure he will be angry with her because she has been lying to him all that time. However, notice that it's all a film that she only made in her own head, because she has no idea how he thinks about it. He would accept her anyway and forgive her for lying to him, but she is instead convinced that he won't want to have anything to do with her anymore.

When the fight is over, we have another proof that Masaya has understood who she is. As she begins to walk away, he calls her by name, and not insecure, as a question, as if he was looking for confirmation. In the manga he calls her by name in the previous chapter, here instead, since they condensed the two chapters, they moved it here. In that scene of the manga, however, he calls her uncertainly, a sign that he is not sure. Here, on the other hand, he is sure and calls her without doubts in his voice.

And at this point, as the title of the episode also says, it is clear what she wants to do. Out of guilt and fear of how he might react, she is ready to say goodbye first, perhaps because it would be less painful than hearing him say goodbye. This is the first of two times in which she will say goodbye, moreover with the same phrase: “ima made, arigatou”, “thank you for everything”. This is the first time, absent in the manga, in which she only thinks it. The second time will be in the rain after the Tokyo Tower battle, probably in the end of the season, where she’ll really tell him, and it’ll be the exact moment when he’ll realize he’s in love with her.

And then she simply says "ja nee", which could also just mean "bye, see you later". But said with that expression and with that tone, it’s clearly a farewell, it’s clear that if she had left at that moment, she would never have approached him again. But then, the turning point: in the manga Masaya stops Ichigo because he actually wasn't sure of his suspicions, but here the things are different.

Masaya knows that she’s Ichigo, but realizing that he is losing her, he panics and first yells at her to stop, as to tell her “don't go away from me”. He then thinks about it for a couple of seconds and immediately makes up for having mistaken her for that girl he knows. He has no idea why she is keeping her identity hidden from him, but he knows that if he proves that he knows her, she will go away from him. So, if the condition for her to stay with him is to pretend he doesn't know anything, then he’ll play that part. She is too important to him, and he’s willing to do anything to keep her with him. From the tone of his voice while he’s saying it and the fact that he looks down, it’s clear he’s not sincere with what he says and that he is making it up. To reinforce what he said, he also asks her who she is and if she can at least tell him this. In the manga, his is a sincere question, because he’s not sure if Ichigo is really her. Here, however, he already knows, but he asks it to her to convince her even more that he knows nothing about her. In fact, before those further questions she’s still doubtful whether he knows or not, but after he asks her who she really is, she is convinced that he doesn’t know, and she’s relieved, because she has understood he hasn’t recognized her.

And at this point I wonder why the authors didn't give the warriors a completely different name to make them protect their identity, as they did in Sailor Moon. "I'm not Usagi, I'm Sailor Moon." It’s okay. Here instead ... "I'm not Ichigo, I'm Mew Ichigo." And she tells him even with a convinced tone! 😆 It’s like calling their secret base “Café Mew Mew”. Great coverage, guys, you really want the paparazzi around you.

However, Masaya already knows who she is, even if Ichigo had had a different superhero name it would have been the same. And at that point Ichigo says "ja nee" again, but in a completely different tone than before. She’s cheerful and happy, a sign that she no longer means it as a farewell. Masaya instinctively tries to stop her anyway, but he’s no longer in panic as before. He knows Ichigo will stay with him, but still that is a pretty shocking discovery. But in that moment it doesn't matter, his only thought is to find her again as soon as possible.

Another proof he has understood who she is, he immediately goes to look for her in the very place where Mew Ichigo has gone away. Can we dare a dubbing award to Yuuma Uchida? He already has a lot of them, I'm sure, but here he’s truly a monster. Even though he calls her passionately all three times, you notice the change in his tone when he sees her sitting against the wall. He first calls her loudly, but only to find her. As soon as he sees her there exhausted his voice becomes worried and agitated, and it’s agitated even when he asks her if she’s okay. Yuma Uchida… they couldn't find a better voice for Masaya!

In the manga at this point he lifted her torso off the ground, but here Ichigo is already leaning against the wall, so it wasn’t needed. And all the additions in the anime make up for that! Especially the scene now.

She manages to give him the lucky charm she had prepared, an indirect way of telling him she loves him and she supports him, and Masaya, unlike the manga, where in this scene he didn’t say a word, clearly shows his emotions, those emotions that only she is able to make him feel and that still he can’t explain. In the anime it’s him, and not Ichigo, who realizes that she has given him a gift. Surely it’s not the first gift that he receives in his life, but it’s the first gift he has received with feeling and from a person he loves in turn. In the manga, he didn’t even thank her, here instead, after gazing the lucky charm and realizing what it means, he blushes so much and thanks her warmly. A lot of feelings are shining through every action of him, in a way that he has never shown in any of his previous incarnations.

Awww, how adorable he is! Masaya is generally represented in two ways in this anime. Like a cool guy or like an adorable puppy. Here is the second. This is the same character who said at the beginning of the series that mankind is full of sins. And now he's all in love with a member of the species he hates so much.

And then we have a final exchange, also a nice anime addition. In the manga the two separate because he has to go back to training, but not here. She wants to be close to him while he trains, not just hope he wins like she said earlier in the episode. He’s obviously more than happy that she’ll stay with him during his training (he’s still blushed), and therefore from here on an issue that worried me a bit is resolved: in the manga, Masaya and Ichigo are together only a few more times before he declares himself to her (when they go out together, they meet Ryou and she turns into a cat, and when she feels sick and he takes her to the infirmary). They’re actually a very few meetings for such a declaration. Instead, here, with this little additional interaction, we have the confirmation that only some of their interactions, the most important ones, are shown to us, but they stay together and bond even off-screen. That's just great! They have every opportunity to stay together both before and after training and thus to bond even more.

And all ends with a vision of the sky with cherry petals, and Ichigo is very happy because she’ll be able to continue to be with Masaya. Keeping lying to him and feeling guilty about it, but right now she doesn't care. She just wants to be with him, the other problems are not important.

And with this episode 7 ends. Guys, during the first episodes I kept my expectations low because I didn't want to be disappointed, but after all things they gave us, and especially after this episode, my expectations are rising more and more . You can feel the difference with the old series, in which the authors seemed to have put this couple only because they had to do it. Here, on the other hand, you can feel how much love and care they are putting into characterizing both him and his couple with Ichigo. They are giving us so much, if you are a fan who loves Masaya and the canon couple, they are giving us a wonderful gift. It had always been my dream to see Masaya and this couple shine like a bright star in a new adaptation, and that's exactly what they're doing. I will never be grateful enough to Mia Ikumi, Reiko Yoshida and the creators of this anime for these characters, this couple and this huge gift!

Now, as the next one is the ship episode, I'm sure Masaya won't be there, so I'll gladly take break. See you again in episode 9!

#tokyo mew mew new #ichigo momomiya #masaya aoyama #ichisaya analysis

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feelyourno1z · 2 years

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My Personal Ratings of Paradox Live Characters

I can imagine that not all my takes are going to be like by everyone, but oh well. These are all just my opinions, feel free to disagree, but any harassment over them will just get you blocked, I don't have the energy to deal with toxic fandom BS.

Also yeah, if you're new to Paradox Live, be careful, cause there are definitely gonna be spoilers in here.

Allen Sugasano - 8/10 I would've scored him higher when I first got into ParaLive, but over time and as more backstory was given on other characters as well, I couldn't really help but not feel that much pity for him. He unfortunately suffers a bit from Main Male Lead syndrome, but he's still lovable, I just wish he'd stop overworking himself so much. His voice and lines are great and have nice flow, and he's eager to dabble into any sound as well which is great for growing his talent.

Hajun Yeon - 5/10 This is a generously high score, considering when Paradox Live started I couldn't stand this guy. He still gets on my nerves a lot. His personality really just isn't for me. But at the same time, I can understand why he's like that and I do feel bad for what he's gone through. I do like his verses, he's got good flow and has a talent for eloquency (probably due to his upbringing). Even though he still puts up his front of I'm-Better-Than-You-Rich-Kid a lot, ever since the end of Phase One, I have a better appreciation for it and understand it's just a mask, though one that still annoys me. He's growing on me though.

Anne Faulkner - 10/10 I'm so glad Anne is as loved as she is, they truly deserve it! I'm honestly such a big fan of Anne for so many reasons, but most of all I'm so happy for a well-represented trans/enby character. I could go on for hours about how much I care about her and how proud of her for how far she's come, but I'll leave that to a different post. Their lines are always so fun and her voice is so smooth and adds a nice contrast to Allen's rougher voice (while Hajun's voice acts as a middle ground between the two). I wish her all the best and I hope we get to see more gender affirmation for her in the source too so she can start feeling more confident and proud of her identity and work past her traumas.

Naokira Saimon - 9/10 Don't get me wrong, I love this man almost just as much as Anne, but he gets a point docked because I'm not entirely a fan of how he was written to be so passive even though they were putting immense stress on him, both past and present. Even just showing us one small snippet of him being upset and not fully calm about the situation in private or with just Yohei would've been enough for me to consider him more well written, but it feels like the writing team just wanted him to be a Positive Push Forward Source, which isn't bad but leaves very little room for depth of character. No man ever has his shit together to be calm all the time, let alone present to be that way. Though it's no fault of his, I still wanna see more depth out of him that doesn't revolve around the loss of his wife. His voice is so pleasing to me, and his word choices and delivery in the songs adds a nice quality to everything, kind of like his voice is the grounding mechanism to make sure everything stays cohesive and doesn't get too overzealous.

Yohei Kanbayashi - 10/10 What they didn't give to Naokira with character depth, they definitely gave to Yohei. We tend to mostly see TCW through the lens of Yohei in the drama tracks too, which I personally love because you see how dysfunctional of a "family" they all are together, but you get to feel that feeling that Yohei, depsite all his grumping about and at Ryuu, cares for them all and wouldn't trade them for anything. And getting to know his past too, and that he used to be rougher than he is now due to being danna with Iori, gives so much depth into everything he's been through too, and shows just how much he's turned himself around now. I just have a lot of appreciation for the depth we're given for him and how much he's so obviously pulled himself through. His voice is definitely on the rougher side, but he hypes up the songs TCW sings so well (looking specifically at the "make it clap" lines in Life Is Beautiful and the "ready go" lines in One Shot One Kill for proof of that). It really shows his more rowdy side from his youth with the energy he brings into the group, but where he flows so well with Saimon and Shiki, who tend to sing/rap slower than him and Ryuu, it also shows how he's been able to settle into a slower paced life as well.

Ryuu Natsume - 9.5/10 I love this funky little guy, and I love how mysterious his background has been from the get go (even though we have more of a clue as to what it is now). He has absolutely insane energy, both literally and metaphorically, and even though he can be a bit much at times, you do tend to miss it when he's been gone for too long. He may show it in odd ways too, but he truly cares for those around him and wants the best for them and genuinely feels bad for their trap reactions. I cannot wait to find out why he doesn't get trap reactions himself and whether that's tied to his amnesia or not. His verses and voice inflections are my favorite in this whole music project. There's not a thing he's done in a single song so far that doesn't itch my brain in just the right way and make me want to mimic it exactly myself. It's so fun, it's whacky just like him, and lines like his "bibidee bopidee boo" in My Sweetest Love always bring a smile to my face. Just please stop trying to stick an octopus on Shiki sir ;;

Shiki Ando - 8/10 This boy has been through more than enough and I hope they start working more on healing his trauma because hoo boy does he need it. While they still gave us more depth on him from his past with Nayuta, we still don't get to garner much more about him and how even before that he was traumatized and that affected his ability to socialize properly. I'm so proud of him and how much more confident he sounds now (in Shooting Arrows) compared to the beginning when you could practically hear his voice shaking. He's shown so much more growth, and becoming part of the Bar 4/7 family has helped him so much and I cannot wait for him to sound as confident as Saimon in his verses someday.

Kanata Yatanokami - 8/10 I have so many feelings about Kanata, I don't know where to even begin. He's truly been through so much, and yet he still came out on the very top. He didn't let himself lose, he wouldn't accept second place as good enough, he truly has the spirit of someone who is going to end up a winner, and while I may not be the biggest fan of all of cozmez's music, it's very clear to me why they won Phase One and I feel they really deserved to win the most. Considering all the work Kanata put into surviving and making music, I'm glad he came out on top the way he did. He still has severe emotional walls up, put the times you get to see through the cracks of those walls show that he doesn't really want to be as alone as he says he does. His lyrics can often be aggressive, as would be expected from someone surviving on the streets and trying to become the top dog, and it really adds an extra depth to the beats he puts to their songs. I just hope we get to see more personal growth out of him as Phase Two continues and that we see him let his walls down a little more and make a friend.

Nayuta Yatanokami - 7/10 I feel really bad for rating him as low as I have, but if there's any character I'm more upset about the poor writing for than Naokira, it's Nayuta. They did him so dirty in my opinion. They led up the reveal of his "death" to an amazing climax, I actually sobbed over it, but then the reveal of him returning was so. Lackluster? He just Appeared. And then explained where he had been. There could've been more drama to it, hell there should've been more drama to it considering the build up he was given. And then when he got back his writing was very stiff. His reaction to Shiki was very off-putting, making it seem like they hadn't actually been friends in the first place but that he had been tolerating Shiki's presence even though we know that isn't true. They've gotten better about writing him to be easing back into socialization since then, but man oh man was that rough and awkward at a point where it was most crucial for it to not be that. Overall, I love his verses more now that it's actually him singing and not a Phantom of him singing, you can tell there's more life and inflection to his verses and more personal emotion behind them as well. I can't wait to see wht they do next considering the latest thing they've put out (Hit Em Up) blew my socks off and into the next country, they may not yet be at BURAIKAN's level yet, but they're definitely headed there.

Iori Suiseki -8.5/10 This man. I care so much about this man I don't even have words to describe everything I wanna say. AKYR hits me right square in the Found Family (my favorite trope ever) feels and it's all thanks to him. Even though his morals are often gray and questionable, and reasoning can be dubious, it's very clear that all his actions are to protect his family, the one he created out of AKYR, and that he will do anything necessary to keep them all safe. There's a depth to his character that you don't even need to know his full backstory to feel, and honestly I hope we never get a good look into all the ties and dealings he has because having all these unknown things about him and letting him be a Swing Factor for things is so much fun and adds an element of shock to the story too. His voice inflections and verses are my second favorite, right under Ryuu, for similar reasons. There's so many lines that I can't help but want to mimic and they hit the brain just right to make you feel that sense of cocky and nonchalant prowess that he has. There's really no voice like his.

Zen Gaho - 8/10 Zen is the very definition of what you get when you cross a gym rat and a Mom Friend in the best way possible. I know it's partly because he's Iori's right hand man, but it's also clear that he protects everyone in AKYR because he genuinely cares for them too. You see him uplift everyone he can, even if they're not part of AKYR and even if he doesn't know what they're talking about, he supports them in their passions. While his voice may not be unique, his verses are still fun and AKYR would never be the same without him.

Hokusai Masaki - 9/10 I am holding him gently, he deserves only happiness and good things. I'm so sad they don't really give us much on Hokusai at all, and I really hope they give us more because I just know there's a lot more to unpack about him, especially since the drama track of him just disappearing for a while in the middle of playing games with Reo, Ryuu, and Shiki. Where did he go? What's he hiding? I need to know more. But he and all his cat friends and his way of viewing those he holds close as animal friends as well makes me happy, and I'm just so glad for him that he finally has a place to call home and people who treat him properly like family. I love how toned down he is from everyone else too, and how his voice tends to be more monotone and doesn't go above more than a normal talking volume at most, it really adds to the air of mystery and "tiger hiding in the shadows" that they've given to him. Also, with all his verses of how far he'd go to make sure his family is safe and no one messes with him? I think out of everyone in AKYR he's the most dangerous to mess with, it don't think he's fucking around or joking when he says that shit. They are yakuza after all.

Reo Maruyama - 8/10 When I first got into Paradox Live, I thought I was going to be endlessly annoyed by yet another pink gremlin in a music project but I got pleasantly surprised and now I too would commit crimes to defend Reo. He's been through the ringer more times than anyone should be put through anything tbh, and I'm glad that he can find happiness and a sense of stability within AKYR. He's cute, he knows it, and everyone should acknowledge it. While we aren't given a whole lot on him either, what we are given shows just how much he actually does need that confirmation that he's loved and valued. His voice is just as cutesy as he is, but with violent lyrics befitting of someone who is in the yakuza and who has done the things he's done. I think it brings a little humor with having someone so cutesy also be a gangster, and his verses are really good too, he has amazing flow and is good with rhymes that would normally trip people up too.

Satsuki Ito - 10/10 I'm not gonna lie, I didn't expect to enjoy him half as much as I really do at the beginning. The description they give him in his original bio doesn't do him justice. He puts on the air of a gangster punk really well, but the loyalty and care he shows others shows through more than he can cover up. He does hold a lot of anger, and he really deserves to as well. I'm honestly nervous to see what comes of the drama tracks for the RAGE album and how everything between him and Ryoga is going to be tackled, because while Satsuki isn't one to refuse to listen to reasoning, he still will jump the gun and act in a reactive manner before he does. He still looks out for AKYR, and even shows he cares outside of his found family as well when he was helping Kanata look for Nayuta, even though he acts like he doesn't (likely because he doesn't want to get hurt again). His voice is so fun, definitely my third favorite in the music project. Just like Iori, his voice is unique and truly his, the inflections showing just how rambunctious he gets and his faster flow and aggressive delivery gives an intimidating impression, just the mask he aims to show. Also I cannot wait to see things develop more between him and Anne. I genuinely do not think he'll react poorly to learning than Anne is trans/enby, he knows what it's like to be given up on and turned on, that's literally his biggest trauma, I don't think he'd do that to Anne, especially not with all the time and energy he's put into her already. Not to mention they have what is essentially a mutual pining song together too, it would just be awkward of him to all of a sudden lose interest after that.

Chisei Kuzuryu - 10/10 I know that we don't actually know shit about him other than the snippets we learn from Haruomi talking to him (or "him" since we aren't sure what's going on there), but he's still one of my absolute favorites. His lyrics hold his ego, and it's a big one, but seeing as he was one of the pioneers to Phantometal being used and is still considered one of the best there was (the other obviously being Haruomi), he deserves to have such a huge ego. I'm curious about where the story is going to go in regards to him and I'm hoping they don't pull a Nayuta with him and his reveal and I am not ready to cry over him when it comes but I know I will. There's so much you can infer about his dynamic with Haruomi, even from what little we're given about them, but even just knowing he's who picked up Haruomi from his rock bottom and made this whole story possible? That's enough for me to have him as one of my favorites. His flow is incredible: fast and smooth and unwavering, just befitting of the king of hip-hop

Haruomi Shingu - 10/10 I think my bias for BURAIKAN is showing here but they aren't the number one legends for nothing. I love how Haruomi has been there, even without us knowing, from the beginning. From the first description we were given of him, and how above everyone he saw himself due to his genius with making music, it's hard to see what changed to make him content to just be the owner of a ramen shop, but I suppose that's something we'll find out as the story progresses. I really enjoy his character though, the air of mystery of why he's doing all this, on top of that stoicism and aloof personality still showing through, it's so intriguing to me. I want to see him interact more personally with Kanata at some point, seeing as it seems they're mirroring each other a bit, I wanna see what advice he'd give Kanata and if that would give any clues as to what's really going on. I'm a sucker for Haruomi's voice, I love deep voices so much, and his delivery, while on the slower side, still has it's own clear cut punch to it as every word seems to be said with a bite. He and Chisei's voices compliment each other perfectly, especially when dinging choruses together, and it's so clear why they're still the top dogs of the game even after all these years.

Shogo Yamato - 7.5/10 I may not have as much to say about Phase Two characters due to how new they are, but I truly do like Shogo, he's pretty both in looks and voice. I hope we get to see him grow his confidence in being a group leader, and also I wanna hear more about the weird gummies he finds, I think that's super fun.

Toma Hikage - 8.5/10 I'm usually not one for characters who are obsessed with their looks but there's just something about Toma that makes me wanna give him a hug and reassure him he's just as pretty as a sunset. You can see how caring he is already from how quick he was to go check on Shogo after the livestream, and I'm really curious to see more into him. His voice is amazing too, I don't have the words to describe what it is about it that hits my brain just right, but it does and I live for his verses.

Aoi Kureha - 10/10 I'm so glad they added in another enby, I love Aoi so much and I will join them (and Satsuki) in the AnZ fanclub. Their voice is so pretty and I hope if they ever do shuffle teams again they get to have a duo with Anne.

Kantaro Misuji - 6.5/10 I want to like him. I really do. I don't dislike him. But he's exactly what I feared they were going to do to Reo. Maybe as things progress I'll like him more, but as of right now? He's the Pink Gremlin of Paradox Live.

Dongha Yeon - 0/10 This little shit is the reason I actually started liking Hajun. I cannot stand entitled and stuck up little brat characters. I'm so sorry if you like him but first of all, I want to shoot him out of a canon and second of all: why??? He's just an abusive little asshole who thinks he's entitled to be the best. I understand that he doesn't comes from a good background seeing as what happened to his older brother, but he's already getting the whole family fortune over Hajun, and now he wants to take away the possible win Hajun could get of earning a name in hip-hop? I'm sorry to AmpRule likers, but I hope they lose miserably so this little pipsqueak can get a reality check.

Chungsung Baek - 0/10 The only thing saving this man from being in the negatives is his voice and character design being good. Other than that, I don't want him breathing on the same planet as me. Disgusting creep butler who gets off to being abused by the 14-year-old devilspawn mentioned above is NOT what we need in this music project, fandom, or world. Please eradicate him at your earliest convenience thank you. I'm sorry if you like him, but I'm judging you for it because what in the fuck.

Kei Miyama - 8.5/10 I truly do not understand why all the fans think he's up to something shady, the boy is just autistic coded, settle down. While yes, he knows more than he lets on, his intentions aren't evil. All we know is he wants to shut down the use of Phantometal, and considering he was being tested on for it and considering the dangers it can pose, as seen with Hajun and Nayuta, I can't blame him for it. He doesn't want that same harm to come to Rokuta, Itsuki, and I'm sure his old bandmates. Everyone just seems to be looking for someone to point at and call shady and everyone landed on him just because we know he has some sort of plan. At least get some more info on what's happening before trying to call him evil, sheesh.

Itsuki - 7/10 I love his character design and his verses are so fucking good, oh my god. I hope they give us more insight into him, I wanna know more about him, you can tell he's interesting just from his character design, please don't dangle him in front of us and then do nothing with him.

Rokuta - 9/10 Baby boy baby skrunkly boy, I love you so much, please have all the karaage you want. I would give anything for Rokuta, I hope he gets to hang out with Ryuu more and they get to play together, they have such similar energy and I wanna see Yohei do a double take upon seeing that there's Another One.

Yuto Inukai - 3/10 Don't get me wrong, I do like Inukai. His voice and lyrics go so hard and bring a lot of life to GokuLUCK's songs. But holy fuck did they do a shit job of representing DID/OSDD with him. I can't even begin to explain it, especially since I'm a singlet, but from what I know, they might as well have just said "yeah our only research was watching an episode of a western cop drama from the early 2000s where the killer had DID/OSDD" when they put out his bio. There's nothing wrong with liking Inukai, like I've said, I enjoy him too. Just please, for the love of god, remain critical of how they use him to portray DID/OSDD, do your own research, and acknowledge how shit they've done him.

Ryoga Tosa - 8/10 I am actually so curious about Ryoga and how everything has played out, especially since in his bio, his trauma seemingly comes whatever happened between him and Satsuki and how he was apparently framed. I can't wait to find out what happened, and I hope they're both able to find some closure, because it honestly seems like all that Ryoga wants is to be friends with Satsuki again and that he never wished to cause any harm.

Shion Kaida - 6/10 His lines in Stronger were so catchy, his voice is so alluring and definitely fits his personality. I hope he grows on me as time goes on, because I do think he's an interesting character, however currently they are dancing on a slippery slope with portraying him and how he interacts with others (especially Kenta)

Kenta Mikoshiba - 7.5/10 I want to rate him higher, I really do, because I love me a rowdy little gremlin who isn't afraid to say "fuck you" and is also a hacker, however he does have a tendency to go too far with his insults sometimes and need to learn how to calm down. He's going through his edgy teenager phase and I love that for him, just someone please teach him to stop being a 4chan troll for the love of god. I love how fast he raps though, and his little laugh in the background in Stronger as well.

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sobeautifullyobsessed · 2 years

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Hey hon, I know I posted an answer to your ask, but I wanted to tell you how much I'm thinking about you right now. I sat down to start writing on a Doctor Strange piece and had to pause when I mentioned him thinking about the reader being beautiful. It made me think about you and how happy your ask made me earlier. I wish I could find the words to express my gratitude completely, but there would be much too long of a paragraph left in your inbox for you to read. I think about you daily and pray for your safety and happiness, just as you do for me. I really consider you a huge inspiration in my life and one of my most treasured friends, whom I know I could turn to if I ever needed support for any reason. I only wish we could speak outside of here so that the shadow ban would not be in our way. Seriously Tumblr, what the hell? I was out on Monday, looking for place mats for my dining room table for the holiday and I paused when I saw a mug sitting on a shelf. It's a yellow, white speckled mug, big enough to fit in both of my hands and usually that wouldn't make me pause, as I'm not usually a big coffee drinker. But when I saw the words on it - those three simple words - I began to cry. It was a message, I knew, and I felt in my heart it was from you.

"So Very Blessed." It sounded like your name, and I immediately said, "Oh my god, Beauty." I grabbed that mug off of the shelf so quickly that I think I scared the woman that was down the aisle from me. Hopefully she's okay haha! Now that cup sits here beside me, steaming full of tea and warming me both heart and soul as I write about our shared muse. I don't believe in coincidences, so I knew that this mug was meant for me and I had to tell you. Thank you, V.

I'm so humbled by this, and have marveled over it for days, dumbfounded for a reply eloquent enough to suit your lovely thoughts and stellar opinion! Honestly, I don't think I've done anything special--except perhaps as the gift of internet anonymity frees us to be our best selves if we dare, I've let my heart and better angels lead me (when in the 'real world' I falter daily!). I can't imagine being anyone's 'inspiration', but I do my best to give comfort where it's needed--yet the kindness and understanding you've shown me outshines all, especially at this challenging, at times demoralizing, point of my life. You have a deep heart and you love without hesitation, and even though you've suffered pain and loss, you will continue to. That takes courage and the ability to hope, which I admire greatly, my friend!

The Mug- have to say I heartily believe that the Universe gives us affirmations when our eyes and hearts are open to accept them. I've had many such experiences (again, many since I've been made homeless and am working to find my way back to equilibrium). I will treasure your story and your friendship, and because of these and more, know that I too, am

So Very Blessed🥰

#tumblr love #friendship #blessings #purplefeathersandblackleather

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liz-allyn · 1 year

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Is it terrible of me that at this point, I just want Honey to get away from both Peter and John? Like, this girl needs so much space and time to heal from everything, and I don't see how staying with Peter is going to be any good for her when he doesn't check his mouth before saying shit like I'll bring you back in chains. I don't know if that was him or venom or what, but that's so fucked up. And after the car blew up, he wasn't even there with Honey. It felt like he was mostly there with Gwen, lost in his own head. I re-read the first four chapters and in my opinion, Peter just latched onto Honey kind of like a last ditch effort to save himself after everything he went through. She was pretty and kind and a ray of sunshine for him to gobble up from afar. She was there for him to take, in his view. And then he kidnapped her "for her protection". Like Honey said, he doesn't love her - he loves the idea of her. He doesn't love her because he keeps her like a pet. She doesn't have any more freedom with Peter than she did with John. Am I wrong? It's just that Peter doesn't violate her physically, but otherwise, she's very much under his authority. He chooses what she wears. He tells her when she is to go to her room. He invades almost every piece of her and has no justification for anything he does to her. I'm not sure I care that he blacks out and isn't in control of himself 100% of the time, because that's not a good enough reason to want him to still be with her. I want them both to get their shit together far, far apart from each other. I don't want Honey to save him or anything like that, because that's just another way of putting the salvation of an abusive/damaged man on the shoulders of a woman he supposedly loves. And I liked chapter 14, don't get me wrong, but there was nothing romantic about her having to earn her freedom from him in that game. I just read the responses to that chapter and everyone seems thrilled with Peter and I'm just like - what? Are we reading the same words? Understanding the same intent? You wrote a story here that doesn't seem to me like it's romanticizing this abuse. It's just about two very broken, trapped people and it will all depend on the ending. Things keep blowing up around them and between them, and it seems like the narrative is giving Peter good reasons for him to do what he's doing. See? I can't let you go. They'll kill you! But like Pete.. my dude.. you also can't keep her as your little houseguest that you order around. And if this seems like I'm dumping on Peter, I have words for Honey too. They are infuriating, broken, childish yet ruthless, deceitful, manipulative people. Both of them. I love this story, but I feel like I'm enjoying it the wrong way? Am I supposed to be in love with these two? Cuz I'm not and that makes me feel guilty. Like, every single one of these mofos is fucked in the head and I want these two in particular to heal, but not at each other's expense, if that makes sense.

Please don't take this feedback too seriously. I'm just rambling my honest impression because I feel like it runs counter to other readers' and maybe I'm super wrong. I like what you're doing with them, but I think I might wait a little and give this story some room to breathe in my head. I hope you're well and I hope you don't find this message upsetting. Thank you for sharing your writing with us!

Hey anon!

Thank you for your eloquently-written feedback. Actually, I don’t find this upsetting at all, because you’re looking at it through a realistic, healthy lens, and that’s good for you!

More below the cut. Tw for discussion of abuse.

The series has been a challenge to write, mostly, because I am really breaking loose of what I know within myself. This isn’t a Mary Sue and I don’t try to write Mary Sues, but to a certain point I have to ask myself as the writer, “what would I do?” And it’s been interesting to change that question to “what would I do in these circumstances with the history I have if I were this person?”

I don’t know about the mob or surviving a physically abusive relationship, but I know a little about manipulation and psychological abuse, which are just as valid. I know how abuse can really be a cycle, and how violence begets violence, and how no one, good or bad, is 100% one thing.

Many readers have pointed out that Honey, Peter and John have so many similarities, and I think they’re right. I think there’s credence to being afraid of becoming the thing you hate the most. I love that drama.

I even love the evilness of my John Walker character, that son of bitch, so my protagonists stand in a better light. but it doesn’t negate that Peter has a sadistic side (which arguably is equally masochistic) and Honey is a pathological liar with an infatuation with danger(ous men).

I don’t fault you for feeling like Honey is better than Peter or John, because we want her to be. It’s heartwarming for me that people care so much about an OC to come to her defense time-and-again over our fandom character. I felt similarly about Mia’s character in my pal @blooming-violets work “Smitten.” At the end I wanted Mia to shoot everyone and GTFO, because that’s me being sympathetic and protective of a character I grew to care about.

That being said, sometimes I like ice cream for dinner. I like fantasizing about the bad man being your bad man. I like the complexity of good people who do bad things because they feel good. That’s the place that these characters live in, at least in my mind.

I welcome any discourse about my work! And to be honest, while it’s good to escape reality via these characters, it’s also good to discuss them from a realistic pov. I think it’s important for people to recognize what abuse looks like in its many, many forms.

Thank you for your feedback anon! You’re always welcome in my ask box 💜

#💬 sugar and vice #tw abuse

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weakforarwen · 2 years

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The Dragon's Call

I've been rewatching Merlin out of order and more or less backwards, so this episode was a bit of a shocker. I've been swearing up and down in my "reviews" that Arthur and Morgana weren't interested in each other - and I maintain this opinion; if anything, the writers gave up on this angle quite early into the story - but this episode gave me pause.

At the feast celebrating the 20 years of "peace and prosperity" since The Great Purge, Morgana wore a beautiful and rather daring ensemble, perhaps trying to tease Arthur, and his response to her look was, and I quote, "God have mercy.".

No, Arthur, god have mercy on me. That was the grossest, most disturbing thing I've ever heard you say. Arthur was clearly impressed by the dress, and while that didn't necessarily equal interest, it didn't explain why, in the following episodes, he seemed truly disinterested in Morgana despite the overt romantic/sexual undertones of many of their interactions. My only explanation is that Morgana was, quite frankly, very sexualized in the beginning of the season. In this episode, there was even a scene where Merlin saw her undressing; he also ogled her at the party. Gross.

The most confusing thing to me about the beginning of the series is understanding what the writers had planned for Arthur and Morgana and why they gave up on them so quickly. What was the point of Morgana's flirting and their bickering?

In the pilot, Gwen hinted that Morgana was to marry Arthur and become Queen. Would Uther allow this? Why did the writers initially intend Morgana and Arthur to be a thing and why did they backtrack so fast?

G: Some people are just born to be queen. M: No! G: I hope so. One day. Not that I'd want to be her. Who'd want to marry Arthur? M: Oh, come on, Gwen. I thought you liked those real rough, tough, save the world kind of men.

Gwen's words have a double meaning. She was referring to Morgana, who, being royal and beautiful, was "born to be Queen" (unlike Gwen, the servant who become Queen against all odds), yet her "I hope so. One day." could, in theory, refer to Gwen herself. And yes, Gwen, good point: who would want to marry the Arthur of this episode?

For such an important character, the writers really had no idea what they were doing with Arthur.

For example, in this episode, he was an irresponsible imbecile with too much free time on his hands to go around town fighting Merlin and destroying private property. But, in the next episode, he was suddenly noble, dutiful, sober, kind, and not that interested in Morgana though she was still his assigned love interest.

Moreover, season 1 Arthur generally treated Merlin with respect and decency (by his standards), whereas seasons 2 and 3 Arthur threw things at Merlin and showed no regard for him most of the time.

Imo, season 1 Arthur was the most un-Arthur-like of the series. While his qualities and beliefs were consistent with the Arthur we know, he just wasn't idiotic, stubborn, or cowardly enough (probably because a) Merlin wasn't that powerful yet so Arthur was allowed to be competent, and, b) Merlin didn't use magic as often so Arthur didn't need to be dumbed down in order to keep Merlin's secret).

But, really, all four main characters (and their respective dynamics) changed considerably from seasons 1 to 2, or, better yet, from early to mid-season 1:

Gwen became much more eloquent, confident, and outspoken in season 2, though she was already changing towards the end of season 1.

Morgana's flirty personality cooled off midway through season 1 and only the qualities we associate with "good Morgana" carried into season 2.

And Merlin, in this episode and in the beginning of the season, did things we never saw him do again.

The series only found its footing midway through the first season, but that's not really a bad thing - shows of this kind usually take longer. However, that means most of what happened early in the season is inconsistent with what we know of the series, so I can't take this episode too seriously. Other season 1 episodes have their flaws, but this episode was just wrong: Arthur's behavior was too childish even for Arthur, Merlin was too restless and reckless, Morgana was too coy and sexual. I can't understand how Arthur trusted Merlin in episode 2 when they got off on the wrong foot in this one. It was probably because of Arthur's flagrant personality change.

Also, Arthur and Merlin were so flirty in this episode. I immediately understood why people shipped them after watching it for the first time. Sadly, it didn't take long for me to change my mind.

This episode at least helped understand why Merlin was so willing to believe in his destiny: when he arrived in Camelot, all he wanted was to know why he was so powerful and to find a use for his powers; Kilgharrah handed him both a justification and a purpose in one fell swoop. However, the Merlin of this episode was immature and reckless, too willing to believe in his "destiny" to ask more questions; he was considerably cooler in the next episodes, hesitant to use his magic. It doesn't add up.

My favorite part of the episode was when the fake Lady Helen was singing. The music was pretty beautiful and the imagery of everyone being lulled to sleep with the sound of her voice was rather nice.

#bbc merlin #bbc arthur #bbc morgana #bbc gwen #arthur pendragon #morgana #merlin #gwen pendragon #gwen #the dragon's call commentary #the dragon's call

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wikluk · 2 years

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If other people's opinions matter on this I have to say as a reader I don't feel it and if not I hope you get through it soon much love to you and your writing I think you write beautifully.

It's not about opinions, honestly, I can't remember the last time I got a negative comment on any of my fics. It's more like... Idk but all the docs I've been writing for the last week just feel weird. Like there's something lacking.

I'm struggling with balance because I don't like writing descriptions and thus I'm creating A LOT of dialogues, and I think it's just kinda exhausting to try writing the conversations between characters so that it sounds natural(ish). And when I get to the descriptions... I feel like they're not good enough. Too simple. Without depth. I think I'm just entering my toxic "I'd like to be more poetic/more eloquent in my writing" stage and it's gonna stick with me for some time.

Thanks for the kind words, though, I really appreciate them! ♥

#answered #writing #writing problems

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neverforpickles · 2 years

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Hi. What’s your opinion about celebrities and fanfictions? Is it okay or is it normal to write real people fictions? Do you think those people who the fan fictions are named and inspired by should read them?

Hello, love. Thank you for your ask. I have some thoughts on this. And I hope I will be eloquent enough to put them into words.

First, I think fanfictions are amazing, they’re craft made out of love, unconditional compartmentalisation of personal time, works out of self-indulge, a personal outlet of someone that we get to read and get an insight of who they are as an individual — no matter how outrageous the themes or how just plain it is. It does not matter. I highly appreciate the efforts, the care and love writers put into the works they publish, even if for a lot of people, fanfictions is a medium that’s very unconventional due to its nature that goes against classic delivery of literature— hard bound books and other printed copies.

In terms of the celebrities, I think they’re a different box of their own. Their purpose and targeted audiences are different. Whilst for fanfictions, they’re homecooked meal made just for the sake of having something to eat, to devour and to savour the taste and scent, for celebrities it is different. They’re celebrities because they’re there to influence, to have a manipulated image, well-crafted personalities and lives which is presented to the many. That is an art on its own — unyielding, very much so. And they are celebrities because they are working for a living, they do it to survive, for a race in a spot with how fast-faced the entertainment industry is. To stay in the spotlight.

If you mix celebrities and fanfictions together, they create a different type of art. It is more sincere yet still fabricated and calculated. What really happens is that, celebrities’ already fabricated image just gets extended, but this time from the eyes of a fan instead of from someone who is paid to keep their image as it is now. With fanfictions, the fans just create an image that suits what could have happen, what if this celebrities is like this and like that, a series of what if’s which people they hire and paid to do are already doing, it is just another form of art. But the difference is, the people who maintain and keep the celebrities’ life story going is that they get paid to do so, whilst in comparison, fanfiction writers do it on their own free will, with their own time, their own ideas and for free. They do not get anything out of it aside from the community they gather together, the satisfaction of being able to fulfill and put into words ideas, improvements on their writing skills and an outlet for their emotions — for many.

Is it normal to write real people fictions? Personally, yes, it is. Because in reality, where do you draw the line between normal and what’s not normal? Where do you draw the line between real people and non-real people? If you write a story about some guy named Jack, who’s to say that that Jack is just a pigment of an imagination and not a real person? Who’s to say that Jack is just..Jack? If you’re reading an already printed book about a story whose protagonist is named Jack, would you not think or associate that with someone named Jack that you knew? Or if you’re watching an adapted film or reading a book about a particular character whose characteristics aligned with who you are, can you not put yourself in their shoes even if they’re do not have the same name as you? Do you not find yourself nodding, crying and being happy because you feel it? What a simple Jack feels on the story? Who is Jack, anyway? Is he the Jack your friend, enemey, a celebrity? Who is he and why does this story makes you feel?

Where do you draw the line that this is okay and that is not okay? How far can you draw the line? When do you draw the line and who decided to draw the line? What credibility does that person who drew the line had? Why would I believe them if they say that this is normal and that is not normal?

You see, the lines are blurred and like any other, is subjective in accordance to personal beliefs. My beliefs are that, fanfictions are just an extension of one’s mind. An extension to what’s already fabricated. Fanfictions are just another form of art, crafts and a form of literature on its own. Not many would agree to that, but it does not change the fact that at the end of the day, the quality of the works made of words, determined wether you like that piece or not. Wether it is good to your standard or written very badly, that is what matters. The themes explored, what you get from it and what it makes you feel is the most important aspect of fanfictions. It does not matter if the fictional works are named under some celebrities suchs as Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson being lovers as immortals who roamed the earth or even with an already fictional characters called Sam and Frodo being in an omegaverse. What matters is how they’re written. Names are just names used for the sake of it being place in the fandom category that’s close to the writer’s heart. That that Harry and Louis fanfiction writer could easily change their names into Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy and put it under that fandom category and the quality of the works would be still the same.

The names use in the characters in the fanfictions, does not matter. It’s just names. It’s should not stop you, as a consumer, in consuming a product and enjoying because they’re named after real people and you’re worried that it’s not normal. Because how can you be so sure that those celebrities are real anyway and not just your own form of imagination and everyone just agrees? (I am not going to go this part because my mind is tangled mess, it’s going to take forever to explain this.)

Should celebrities whose fanfiction characters are named after them, read the fanfictions? No. I recommend that they should not. The fanfictions are works made by the fans, for the fans and as a fan. Those works are not targeted to them, they’re not the choosen audiences. Those works are private, in a sense that when written, they’re not included on the demographic of people whom are encouraged to read them. There are wild imaginations that goes on fanfictions that are not meant for them to read but like I said, just purely out of self-indulgence. However, I can understand that I cannot dictate them and decide for them wether they should read fanfictions writtern with their names or not. Therefore, if they do choose to read the fanfictions, it is fully on their own accountability that the consequences of what they might read, discover and understand are theirs to carry alone. Because they’re never encouraged nor were they invited to read them in the first place. They’re aware they exists, but choosing to access them are from their on accord. The blame and feelings of contempt are theirs alone to bare because they’re not meant to access them.

Basically, what they’ll witness is their fault and not the fans, because fanfictions are not written for them, it’s for the fans.

I hope you get my point.

#fanfictions #writing #rpf fic #my thoughts

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totaldramafan-lauri · 7 months

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A decade on this hellsite (affectionate)

So, while I'm working on putting the finishing touches on this chapter, and am getting ready to work on other stuff as well, I...I have an announcement....

This is something I should've said yesterday, but I misremembered....

Uh...

I dunno how to say this super eloquently, but....yesterday was my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr! Wooooo!!

Yup! I joined Tumblr on November 6, 2013, and I've stayed here ever since! W-well, give or take a few hiatuses, but....I-I never LEFT, and that's what I'm celebrating....XD

When I first joined Tumblr, I did so to please a couple people I looked up to, who wanted to talk to me more. I'd been lurking on the website for quite a while beforehand, and didn't have a blog because I thought I wasn't an interesting enough person for one....and I also lowkey feared being made fun of. Yeah, I thought that Tumblr was a competition to get the biggest following, and if no one paid attention to you, you might as well not exist. That kind of mentality was pretty much drilled into me by the state of my current fandom at the time, which was ruled by a select few popular blogs and everyone else had to either conform to what they liked and hated, or get mocked.

How stupid of me, right? Tumblr is more than just the fandoms on it. Tumblr is literally whatever you make of it. You choose what to do and say, and who to engage with. Heck, even if you don't wanna talk to ANYONE, you can still use it for yourself. XD

Originally, this was purely a Total Drama fan blog. Then, over time, as I got more and more comfy with it, I talked about personal things more often, and then branched out, and just made it a me blog, in around 2015 or so. This ended up being the right choice. It became a second home, and grew with me over the years. I've gone through a lot - different special interests (many of which ended up being very important to me), a lot of personal changes, getting more comfortable with certain parts of myself - and Tumblr has captured all of that. At this point, I don't do anything for the attention. I just like putting it out there.

I've even accomplished things that 2013 me would've never tried...like, slowly embracing self-shipping culture, and all the fics I've written because of it. In 2013, I had my fictional crushes, but I was embarrassed about them and usually hid them behind OCs. And I'd never written a full fanfic. I was a former roleplayer. And now....Holy crap, I'm not saying I'm a GREAT writer, but...t-to try it, like it, and then KEEP DOING IT?? I call that an accomplishment....

I've met many people, including good friends, and....I-I like to think that....I-I've matured thanks to it. When you're in one place for a decade, it really influences you a lot, even in less obvious ways. I was a LOT more spontaneous ten years ago. I-I said some insensitive stuff that I didn't realize at the time. I stuck my nose in places it didn't belong, and I let myself get too pressed over the opinions of people I didn't even like. I don't do any of that anymore. I'm a lot more picky with what sides of my fandoms I talk to now. I'm still not perfect, but I've grown a lot, and it's cool to think....that this blog is essentially a document of my emotional journey.

(Not to mention all the Eurovision seasons, heheh....)

Does that mean my old posts from 2013 and 2014 are worth reading nowadays? HECK no, but I'm happy they exist.

I-I'm sorry that this is so word-vomit-y, but......point is, thanks for ten years. Here's hoping I'm still here in 2033. Until then.....I-I have an update:

I dunno why I didn't do this sooner, but I have a "Current Interests" page now, which I plan to update frequently. This'll make it easier to keep track of what I'm into at the present time. So that I no longer have to hide anything....just...laying it all out there for people.

I thought I needed it. I've just been lazy for waaaaay too long. XD I need to act my age and let people know what they're getting into.

#lauri talks to herself

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hueningshaped · 2 years

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you are /absolutely/ deserving of positive and nice comments!

please don't look down on yourself. you deserve love.

i know it's easy to judge oneself because we oftentimes see ourselves in a more negatively biased light, but you, just like all people, deserve chances and love and care. mistakes are not always final; rarely, if ever, are they dealbreakers, and, if anything, they make you more human.

of course, that is only to say if what you are doing is making mistakes, which, in my humble opinion, is absolutely not the case! you don't need an excuse or even a reason to take your time with things or not reply, among other things you seem to currently put yourself down for...

we love you for who you are and not for the image of perfection you try to convey. you don't have to force yourself to be crystal clean every single time! i know it's hard to exit a spiral like that, hell, i've experienced it firsthand and might be falling into one right now as well..

and as much as i know that my message might not make as big a difference as i wish it would at this very moment, i still hope you take it to heart, because nothing you have been doing as of now could ever lead to irreversible hatred or disregard.

we love you, i love you, you're okay. you can do this, i believe in you, and i wish you believed in yourself, too.

this, too, shall pass. and then everything will be fine again. even if it's hard to believe. but you've survived the worst moments of your life and you can withstand anything. it just shows how strong you are.

you are doing your best, with regard to your current capacities. because "doing your best" doesn't always mean "doing THE best", because all of your actions have reasons and motives and you are doing what you can in context of current events and your physical and mental state.

i want you to know this. sorry if this message was messy or intimidating, i'm trying not to seem too confrontational. i know that reminding myself of these things whenever i feel down has helped me greatly in the past, and i hope passing them onto you can have the same impact.

love you,

- <3 anon

i have no eloquent way of responding and putting my feelings to words because my initial response was utter tears — it seems silly to emphasize how much i cried like a child at reading your message because how could someone as kind and altruistic and loving as you think of me and regard me and tell me such words as if i deserved them? i really need(ed) them and i reread like crazy because this — you and your words — are so special to me 🥺 i hold your words deep in my heart and i hope to do my best and put them to work in action so i can be a better person that is deserving of them 🫶🏼 i also think that me being so depreciative is ironic and cruel when your message says otherwise so please forgive me for stubbornly disregarding them 😔 and your message is the furthest from messy or intimidating; it is what ive been needing for so very long 🔭 i’m not used to this kind of love and warmth 🥺 it is so incredibly unfamiliar to me but i love you so much. i hope that’s okay. i hope that’s enough. i love you very much. i find it hard to believe that i could be loved which sounds so silly and dumb, but i do love you. thank you so so much. im sorry for being so weak all the time and always needing help and i just really wish or hope you know that if you ever feel bad or really whatever you’re feeling and you want to talk or just be distracted, i’m always always going to be here for you 🥺 it’s the very least ican do for you. i hope i can be as positive and warm as you are but for you — i hope you feel as infinitely loved and appreciated as you make me. you deserve the absolute BEST. i love you and thank you for not giving up on me and for being by my side.

#ask >3<

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violetrainbow412-blog · 3 years

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Makeup [S.B]

Sirius Black x plus size!reader

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: a toxic relationship history and a bit of insecurity because of it.

A/N: I did a questionnaire a few days ago to see what kind of reader you would like me to do. This is the first one I do base on that questionnaire and I want to say the following:

The only reason the reader is specified as "plus size!reader" is that if there is someone who fits this description, feel comfortable.

You will never see something like "her FAT body" NO, NEVER

Much less that the One shot revolves around their weight (neither nationality, nor gender identity, nor sexuality nor all the things that they put in that questionnaire). I only write about NORMAL people in normal situations. All bodies are beautiful, we are all beautiful.

So, if you are a plus size person, welcome. If you are not, you can also read it without feeling left out in any way.

I really hope that you feel comfortable with everything I write and that you know that I seek to be as inclusive as possible. Without more to say, thanks for taking the time to read my stuff. Tell me your opinion, if you want!💕

You looked in the mirror one last time.

Sirius, the boy of your dreams, had asked you out on a date and you wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.

You had met him because you both lived on the same floor of the condo block and it was inevitable to bump into him from time to time. It wasn't the best place to live, it was small and a little dirty, but it was the only thing you could afford and the fastest you could find after that happened.

You liked the way Sirius smelled because when he crossed the corridors, you could perceive a mixture of leather (you supposed it was due to all the clothes he used of this material) and an elegant cologne that drove you crazy.

At first, it scared you a little to see him with that piercing in his eyebrow and his multiple tattoos, but later you realized that he was really nobody to be afraid of, on the contrary, he turned out to be a very tender and sweet boy.

The first time you spoke to him it was because you were struggling to open your door while carrying boxes and bags that you had brought from the supermarket. The boy noticed you were having trouble and walked up to you to offer his help, so (still a bit wary) you said yes.

Once he held your purchases, you could open the lock, but when you turned around, you noticed that Sirius was secretly looking at the contents of your bags and when he realized that you had caught him, he blushed.

"Sorry I'm a little gossipy," he said shyly "I'm Sirius"

"I thought you were a gossip"

"No, my name is Sirius" he laughed and it was your turn to blush.

"Oh, sorry"

"Okay, anyone can get confused" he murmured with his charming smile, handing you what he was holding in his hands "I live in the 512" he informed you. Of course, you knew he lived in that apartment; you had seen him come into its thousands of times "In case you need anything. You know, some plumbing or things that have to do with tools and that shit of men" he murmured kindly. You frowned a little and then he quickly added "I mean, it's not that girls can't do that and it's okay if you know how to do those things, you seem like a smart and capable person. It's just that sometimes it's tedious and requires strength... and it's not that you don't have strength, I mean...” Sirius couldn't continue because he heard you giggle and then realized he was looking like an idiot “Just call me if you need anything and if you want to do it, yes?” he explained to you and you nodded with a smile.

"Thanks for offering your help Sirius" you replied, looking at him over your bags.

"You’re welcome, miss..."

"Y/N" you completed. He smiled and wrapped a dark curl around his finger that fell unruly from his ponytail.

"I'll see you later then, Y/N. It was nice to greet you" he said by way of farewell and you nodded to respond.

You haven't felt like this with any guy since you met your dear (sarcasm) ex-boyfriend. The insecurities that he had created in you kept you from thinking about having something else later and you honestly didn't feel ready to have your heart broken again.

But Sirius continued to be kind to you. Whenever he looked at you, he made an effort to have a topic of conversation, even if you were not so eloquent, and little by little, he was gaining your trust and your affection. As the weeks went by, you became good friends who chatted in the elevator or occasionally (when you weren't late for work) went downstairs just to share a little more time.

Until one day Sirius showed up at your door with his clothes stained with something that looked like paint, his hair tied up in a messy way and smelling of burned food. He was so beautiful in his own way and you were so afraid of falling in love with him because you knew beforehand that having something else would be impossible.

After all, no boy would ever love you. It was something that your ex-boyfriend had commissioned to get very well into your head.

"Go out?" you asked a little confused after he asked you. You didn't want to misunderstand things.

"Yes! We could go wherever you want. For ice cream, to dinner, to a park, to the cinema... I don't know, wherever you can think of”

"Why?" was the first thing that occurred to you to ask. Now it was Sirius' turn to look confused.

"Well, I thought it would be an opportunity to meet and... spend more time together" he explained and although you had understood the idea it seemed impossible to think that the boy had any kind of interest in you "But it's fine if you don't want to, I don't pretend be upset"

"I'd love to," you rushed to say, fearful that the opportunity would slip through your grasp. You saw him smile and after exchanging a few more words he left with a smile that you couldn't see, but that was pure joy.

Finally, the day of "go out" arrived and you were about to tell him that you could not go. You were nervous, more than nervous you were anxious about what could happen or what he could say about you.

You had searched your entire wardrobe for something decent to wear and after pulling and removing and taking out the clothes and trying them on, none of them convinced you. You looked in the mirror and didn't feel like it was enough of an outfit to date a man as handsome as him. In the first place, you did not even know why he had chosen to go out with you, because, although you considered yourself a nice person, you could not boast of being the most interesting.

Don't think about it, don't think about it, you kept repeating yourself as you continued to get ready and looked at the wall clock waiting for the time for Sirius to knock on your apartment.

Once you were with your outfit ready, you looked yourself up and down and although he did not completely convince you, you decided to tell yourself that you looked beautiful. Still a little nervous you looked at the makeup bag that was under some things on your dressing table. You hadn't put on makeup for years, because you were still scared to hear the comments in your head with that horrible voice.

You look like a whore.

You shook your head to ward off all the negativity and taking a breath you plucked up the courage to open the zippers and remove the beautiful makeup that you had abandoned. When you were finishing and without giving a chance to regret there was a knock on the door that took you by surprise. You went out and found Sirius wearing a striped t-shirt and ripped jeans that reminded you of that blond singer... Kurt was his name?

"Wow" you heard him say and he caught you staring at him adoringly. But you noticed that he looked at you the same "You are beautiful" he said with a smile. You frowned, again a little afraid that he was lying, but you tried again to push away those ideas of self-sabotage and smiled widely.

"I'm glad you like it. You look very handsome, you look like...”

"A rock star? I know” he said winking at you and managing to make you laugh “It's a joke, thanks for the compliment, sweetie” he replied, with his pretty smile of sealed lips. Just when you were smiling at him you watched him pay special attention to your makeup and put on a face that completely terrified you, taking all your confidence.

"Something wrong?"

"Your makeup" he pronounced. You felt your heart squeeze a little.

"You do not like? I can go take it off if you find it ugly or something like that…”

"Ugly?" he asked offended "No! It’s beautiful, but I feel like it lacks a touch. You know, the cherry on the cake that stands out in your eyes” he explained. You looked at him confused for the third time and he snapped his fingers as if the answer had suddenly come to his head "Eyeliner"

"Eyeliner?"

"Of course! Don't you like to use it? " he said kindly, turning his head to the side. You denied.

"I never learned how to do it" you lied. There was a bit of truth to it, but it also had a lot to do with the fact that he kept repeating that you looked vulgar with the eyeliner.

“I'm good at it! Come with me,” he murmured. He took your hand carefully and dragged you gently through the hall until they reached his apartment. You were a nervous wreck when he invited you to join him. "Sorry about the mess, I'm really the most distracted person on the planet and I forget to arrange things," he said with an embarrassed smile. You looked at some vinyl lying around, clothes, food packages, paintings, a guitar. There was a certain peace and beauty within all that mess, completely reflecting the boy who was desperately searching for his favorite eyeliner.

"Come," he asked once he left his room. You sat in a red leather chair he had and he leaned in your direction, very close to your face "Raise your head and look slightly down" he asked you and you listened. He took you by the chin with one hand and you saw him stick his tongue out just a little bit (as a sign of his concentration) while drawing on your eyelids. When he indicated that he had finished you saw him smile from ear to ear, which you imitated when he saw yourself in a mirror.

"Wow..." you whispered. Years ago, you loved putting on makeup and especially eyeliner, so seeing you again like that you were surprised. Besides, he was right, his hand was excellent at it.

"Now it's perfect, right?" he said excitedly. Perfect, that's how Sirius described what was in front of his eyes.

"Yeah... it looks much better" you admitted shyly. You couldn't believe that Sirius could make you feel so comfortable and calm, as well as help you maintain your confidence in yourself.

"I just hope I don't meet jealous guys for not having someone so pretty accompanying them," he said flirtatiously, making you laugh because of your nerves and making you blush "Shall we go?" he asked smiling and extending a hand to help you up.

You looked at him, still amazed to have found someone like that in your life, and took his hand with a smile.

Who would say that sometimes love stories begin like this?

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