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#i feel like i'm forgetting something important
kiefbowl · 19 hours
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listen to me, this is important. some of you are heterosexual and women and are likely very normal looking, but are convinced you're not attractive. and in some ways you are right, you are like a normal boring person, maybe with a couple odd qualities like a big forehead or snaggle tooth or something. you've probably been teased, perhaps bullied, been told you should "try harder" or are "ugly" or a number of other things that make it seem like you will just always be a normal, boring, ugly person.
okay and probably you will to some degree.
this post isn't about convincing you you're beautiful on the inside, whatever that's your journey I can't convince women who hate how they look not to hate themselves.
this post is warning you about the MEN who will grab hold of you, and try to make you feel lucky that they love you because you are so boring looking and normal and you're just a normal looking every-day person who was called ugly growing up. and they will take you on dates, and be nice enough, and move in with you, be polite to your parents, maybe even marry you. BE FOREWARENED: they are NOT nice!! When someone loves you, you are the sexiest hottest most awoooga person in the world to them. when grown ups love their partners, they want to eat them up slurp them down put their mouth all over everything and they will never ever ever make you feel lucky to have them, they will be like how how how do I have an angel living with me!!!!
YOU! CAN! ALWAYS! DO! BETTER! Do not let lame, boring, unmotivated, exhausting, unskilled, uninteresting, unsexy men catch a free ride on YOUR one wild and crazy life, because they sniffed out the opportunity to grind your self-confidence to dust by guessing that you, like most women, have some body image issues, so that they can guarantee you will be hard pressed to leave them when they "forget" yet again to do their laundry (can you do it?), or pick up their groceries (let's just get pizza), or plan the trip you've been begging them to do for you (I don't know how!). These men will be pleased to give you crumbs, and expect you to lap them up thankfully because you are soooo so so so quote unquote YOU GEE ELL WHY.
NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You do NOT have to be beautiful to be loved, and you are absolutely capable of not only find a better man, but thriving without any man!!! YES. YOU. ARE. You do not want to wake up, age 40 - and realize my god I've given this man 15 years of my life, and we haven't seen paris, and we haven't adopted dogs, and I haven't written my novel, and we don't have a retirement plan, and now my knees hurt too much and our mortgage is so expensive. You want to wake up tomorrow, 25 years old, and think "I have 55 more years to have earthshattering orgasms every day and do whatever the fuck I want, god be damned to hell" and then go do that at all possible costs. The perfect nose, chin, and eyebrow does not make your clit work any better.
Do you understand what I'm saying?? THE PERFECT NOSE, CHIN, ASS, BOOBS, WEIGHT, OUTFIT, NAILS, AND EYEBROWS DO NOT MAKE YOUR CLIT WORK ANY BETTER.
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'tis the damn season
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Genre: exes baggage; pseudo-relationship
Pairing: SEVENTEEN Kim Mingyu x Reader
Warnings: mature themes, explicit sexual content
Notes: 23k words - I got carried away, song prompt was 'tis the damn season by Taylor Swift.
Synopsis: Taking your boyfriend—with whom you recently broke up with—to your family home for the holidays and pretend you're still happily in love? Doesn't sound like the best idea but what could go wrong?
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The weather forecast sure wasn't lying when it said this winter would be the coldest in the last decade. As soon as you step outside, the chill has cut through your layers of clothing. It's a cold that feels even more piercing than the void in your soul right now.
The last few days, you've been trying to convince yourself that the chill you're feeling is just the season, nothing more. You were just being in denial, of course. As you walk to meet your sister in a cafe near your apartment, you can't help but think back to warmer times. Days when the sun seemed to shine a little brighter, when laughter was easy, and the world felt kinder to you and your heart. It's clear now that the warmth you miss isn't just from the absence of the sun. It's the absence of something, someone, who made everything feel less cold, less harsh.
“Blair!” you called out when you spotted your sister outside the cafe, her bundles of clothing unable to hide the massive baby bump. She looked warm and pretty, waving happily at you when she saw you.
“Hi!” she greeted pitchily when you approached her.
“Did you wait too long? Where’s your husband?”
“Oh, he went to get the gifts wrapped up,” she said, ushering you into the building.
“Their hot chocolate here is really good. You should try it.”
“Really? Good because I’m craving some chocolate right now.”
You found a table, ordered food, and started talking about the Christmas party in your family home this year. She laid down the plans and the segments which are the same as every year but you just had to talk about it. The discussion was going well until your sister reminded you of something important that totally slipped your mind. 
“Mingyu's coming too right?”
“I’m sorry, what?” you asked stupidly, blinking rapidly at her.
“Mingyu. Duh,” she scoffed, chuckling. 
Of course, Mingyu. “I'm not sure he can make it this year.”
Your sister's face contorted into a frown upon hearing that. She asked, “Why? What's wrong? Did you two break up?”
Yes, you did. But hearing the worry in her voice made you swallow the words. "He probably has other plans. I don't know, he might go home for the holidays this year."
She visibly relaxed, patting her chest and sighing. “Good lord, I thought you two broke up. That’s okay. He should spend time with his family if he can. I just asked because he’s been spending Christmas with us ever since you got together.”
Right, he has. Ever since you started dating, Mingyu has spent every Christmas with your family. The first time he did, it was because you found out his family lived abroad so you invited him over. He quickly got close with your family and soon became a regular presence during holidays and important family functions. Including last year, Mingyu has spent three Christmases in your family home. This year would have been his fourth if you didn't break up.
It hasn't been that long; only three weeks have passed since. You kept count because a four-year relationship is obviously not something you forget overnight. Not to mention the regrets you have about the breakup that would often leave you to wonder if it was the right thing to do.
"The kids will miss him, for sure," your sister commented to which you only replied with a hum of agreement. She didn't bring him up again and continued relaying the holiday plans to you. When it was all over and she'd had her third cup of hot chocolate, you walked out of the cafe with your sister promising to drive you back to your apartment.
The universe probably has it out for you though, because as soon as you step out of the cafe, the first person you bumped into was Mingyu.
"Mingyu!" your sister exclaimed, gasping behind the scarf that was covering half her face. "Good to see you. How are you?"
Mingyu looked surprised but he was quick to give your sister a hug. "I've been well. How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine. Still alive and very pregnant."
"So, I see," Mingyu smiled sweetly, eyeing your sister's growing bump. "He should be coming out this month, right?"
"He is," your sister chimed. "Hopefully before or after the Christmas weekend, but, I'll leave it up to him to decide."
A smile crept up on your lips, touched by the fact that he remembered that bit. As the two of them had a quick catching up, you stood there awkwardly, looking around and refusing to meet Mingyu's gaze.
"Will you be joining us for Christmas this year?" your sister asked, making you glance at Mingyu at once. He was looking at you too, confusion written over his face. "She said you're going home to your family. That's good, but if you change your mind about it, you're welcome to the chateau, okay?"
"Uh," Mingyu chuckled awkwardly, tilting his head. "Yeah, I will. I mean... I might. I'll let you know."
"Good," your sister beamed just as her husband was pulling over at the side of the road. She turned to you. "Since Mingyu's here, I guess I won't have to drive you back anymore?" she said, nodding at you.
You grabbed her hands and gave her a pleading look. "But you promised!"
"I did, but your boyfriend's here now so I don't have to," she scoffed. To Mingyu, she said, "See you around, Gyu."
"Yes. See you around. Take care," Mingyu replied, waving at your sister as she got into the car.
The two of you stood there in silence, watching them drive away and disappear into the sea of cars on the road. You sighed when you couldn't see their car anymore, turning on your heel to walk away. Mingyu's voice called for you, making you stop to look at him.
He seemed hesitant at first, but he still spoke. "You haven't told them yet?"
"No," you replied, shaking your head. "I was going to, the timing was just off when the topic came up a while ago. Don't worry though, I'll sort this out."
"It's fine. No big deal," he said, nodding.
You evened your breathing, nodding at him. "Okay," you replied before turning to walk away.
The air was cold against your cheeks and your mouth was bitter from the cold exchange you just had with Mingyu. It was brief and hurried like neither of you wanted it. It was fleeting, almost as if it never happened at all. Now here you are, freezing and broken, wanting so bad to whine about the encounter but you can’t because that would be pathetic and completely out of line. In fact, you’re the last person who should complain about Mingyu being cold and distant. It was you who decided to break up with him in the first place.
“Y/N, wait!” came Mingyu’s voice, huffing as he ran after you down the sidewalk. You halted, your heart suddenly beating wildly, replacing your frustration with anxiousness. He stopped just a few feet from you. “Let me drive you home.”
What home? “I’m fine. It’s not that far.”
“Please, I insist,” he replied, reaching for you but not touching you. “You look cold.”
You swallowed the lump in your throat, along with the voice in your head telling you not to get into his car. "If you don't mind, then... okay."
With a heavy step and your mind screaming about how stupid you are, you towed behind Mingyu all the way to where his car was parked by the sidewalk.
The ride was quiet; not that you were expecting any conversation. What would you talk about anyway? It shouldn’t feel weird since you haven’t spoken to him in weeks. But then again, it did feel weird to be together and not utter a word to each other. You used to have a lot to talk about; random topics, important stuff, petty fighting, and whatever it was that crossed your minds. Now you haven’t heard from him for three weeks until today. Funny how someone can be a huge part of your life today and become a stranger the next day. The chill on your hands and cheeks was gone but the cold in your heart was enough to make your soul shiver.
Mingyu took a deep breath as he pulled over at the side of the road right in front of your apartment complex. The car came to a stop but you sat there frozen in place, unable to open the door on your side or say anything to thank him for the ride. Mingyu can probably feel your discomfort and it felt awkward knowing that.
“For what it’s worth,” he began, breaking the ice. “I haven’t told anyone either.”
You cautiously glanced his way, smiling timidly when you saw that he was looking at you. His expression was difficult to discern. There was a smile on his lips but it didn’t reach his eyes.
You looked away and chuckled awkwardly. “I guess it’s not something that just randomly comes up in conversations, is it?”
“You’re right, it isn’t,” he agreed, nodding.
You were both quiet after that, unsure of what to say next. You’re thinking about getting off but it doesn’t feel right to leave just yet. It was as if something in the atmosphere was telling you the conversation was not over yet. Was it the atmosphere or was it your delusional brain fooling you into thinking there's something there when the truth is there isn't?
“You know, if you want…” he started again. You can tell he was hesitating because he wouldn’t even look at you. “I can go to the chateau with you.”
“The chateau?” you repeated, genuinely surprised. “With me? You mean for Christmas?”
“Yeah."
“Are you serious?” you asked incredulously, genuinely amazed at the sudden turn of events.
“Is that a ‘no’?” he probed. He seemed serious about his offer but you weren’t sure how to react to it. “I was thinking we could just go there for old times’ sake. I don’t have anything planned for Christmas anyway, and I would love to see them again one last time.”
One last time? This really is the end for you, isn’t it? “Wouldn’t it be weird?”
Mingyu chuckled sheepishly, scratching his nape. “Yeah, I guess it would. Sorry. Was it too much? Did I overstep?”
You shook your head in response but in your mind, you do agree that it was out of bounds. What kind of ex was he to ask if he could spend Christmas with your family after you two have broken up? And what kind of woman would you be if you said it was alright and he could come? Sure, he’s close to your family and has built a good relationship with them. Even so, it’s still awkward to have him come over for the holidays knowing the relationship you two had-- which was the reason he met your family in the first place, has come to an end.
“We broke up, Gyu. I don’t think it’s a good idea,” you replied and you meant it. Everyone in your family adored Mingyu, especially your parents. Now that you think about it, if they find out that you’ve broken up, it would break their hearts too. “I haven’t told them yet and it would upset them. Especially mom.”
Mingyu appeared to think for a moment, then his face contorted with hesitation. It baffled you how much you knew him; his cues, his expressions, and even his mannerisms. You knew exactly what they signified and how to respond to them. Right now, you know he has an idea that you may or may not like.
“What if…” he began, glancing at you tentatively. “What if we don’t tell them yet?”
“What?”
“What if we don’t tell them that we broke up? Telling them now would probably ruin the festive mood. Let’s just let the holidays pass. We could do that and spend Christmas together this year.”
Together... you pondered but you steeled your resolve. It was tempting, and you could shout to the world how much you miss him right now, but you wouldn't take your chances on something so risky.
“You’re not serious,” you deadpanned, imagining a whole lot of scenarios where his plan backfires terribly. It would be easier to just get back together than to pretend you’re still together in front of your whole family. “It’s stupid and they’ll see right through it.”
“So, you’re up for it as long as they don’t figure it out?” he grinned mischievously. God, you hate it when he makes that face. He does that when he knows he’s up to no good and he’s trying to rope you into it. But dear God, don’t you love it too; the fun that follows after he finally convinces you, the euphoria of being involved in some misconduct, and the thrill of doing something you never thought you would ever do.
“No.” You crossed your arms over your chest, looking away from him. “I get that you loved hanging out with them, but it’s risky and unnecessary. Besides, you don’t really have to be there. I already told my sister you’ll be spending Christmas with your family.”
“Alright, I'm sorry. Let’s not do it,” he gave up, raising his hands. “It was worth a shot though.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a no.” You forced a smile as you reached for the door and got ready to leave. “Thanks for the ride.”
“You’re welcome. Stay warm,” he replied with a small wave. You smiled again just as you were closing the door. Then you watched him drive away, sighing as soon as he was far enough.
"Stay warm? What is he a weatherman?" you muttered, shaking your head.
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You were right; the universe has it out for you. After that one unexpected encounter with Mingyu, you started seeing him everywhere—in the grocery store, at your favorite café, even just walking down the street. For such a big city, it seemed absurd how often you bumped into him lately, especially since you hadn't seen him once since the breakup. At first, you exchanged quick, polite greetings, but soon these random meetings became so frequent that even looking at each other felt awkward. That’s the tricky part about an amicable breakup: there’s no real reason to ignore each other. It would have been easier if he had been a jerk, or if you had done something unforgivable, but there was not enough reason to act like strangers.
“Hello, stranger. Good morning,” Mingyu greeted you as he saw you at the café counter. The sound of his voice made your heart skip a beat, but you forced yourself to roll your eyes at his goofy grin.
“Good morning to you too,” you replied, nodding in acknowledgment. Mingyu didn’t say anything else and quietly waited his turn.
He stood behind you in the queue, out of sight, but you could easily imagine him with his hands shoved into his coat pockets. Or maybe he was scrolling through his phone. Perhaps he was staring at the menu. Whatever he was doing, you hoped he wasn’t looking at you—observing the back of your neck, checking you out, or anything like that.
“Thank you,” you told the barista as she handed you the buzzer after you paid for your coffee. When you turned on your heel, you caught a glance of Mingyu who smiled at you when your eyes met. As you walked away, you heard him tell the barista his order.
Your feet hurriedly carried you to a four-seater table. Originally, you weren’t planning to linger in the café and ordered a takeout, but curiosity got the best of you after hearing Mingyu order for two people. Who was he having coffee with this early? Your eyes scanned the occupied tables, searching for any hint of Mingyu’s company. Anxiety began to build up in your chest as you considered the possibility that he might be here with another girl.
It could be anyone, you reassured yourself. Mingyu, being the social butterfly that he is, has friends everywhere. Throughout your relationship, you had lost count of the times you met Mingyu’s acquaintances. Most of these meetings happened in the streets or the hallways of the university, where he would bump into someone he knew and have quick small talks—not forgetting to introduce you as his girlfriend to those you were meeting for the first time. But still, in your opinion, it was a little too early to be meeting a friend for coffee.
As expected, Mingyu had a quick chat with the barista before leaving the counter. Hoping he wouldn’t notice you watching him, you feigned interest in your phone as he strolled across the room. The table he sat at wasl vacant, leading you to presume that the person he’s meeting hasn’t arrived yet. But barely a minute later, the chime of the door opening echoed through the café. The way Mingyu’s face lit up with a smile at the sight of the newcomer made you scowl. Glancing over your shoulder toward the entrance, you saw a woman walking in.
You held your breath, observing the tall, alluring figure approach your ex-boyfriend. Mingyu greeted her with a hug that lingered longer than you would have preferred. Recognizing the jealousy bubbling up inside you, you scoffed incredulously, shaking your head and tearing your gaze away from them. So what if he’s meeting a woman? What does it matter to you? So what if there’s a chance they’re involved romantically? It’s none of your business! He’s free to do whatever he wants!
“Isn’t it a little too soon to start seeing someone new, though?“ you muttered, a scowl knitting your brows together.
The buzzer startled you, prompting a sharp exhale as you rose to fetch your order. But when the barista called out your name in a voice louder than necessary, a flush of embarrassment tinged your cheeks. Mingyu must have heard that you were still around.
But really, why feel embarrassed? This is a public space, and you have every right to be here. Now that you think about it, you may be way in over your head to think your presence there is affecting him at all. You chided yourself internally for overthinking.
“Thanks,“ you said to the barista, sliding the buzzer back across the counter. “But seriously, what's the point of the buzzer if you're going to call out names anyway?“
The barista grinned sheepishly. “Honestly, I've wondered the same thing myself.“
If you want to know who Mingyu was hanging out with or if he's already moved on, you could simply ask. Not Mingyu, of course. Maybe inquire with mutual friends or someone close to him. Granted, easier said than done, but definitely less humiliating than the slightly awkward and borderline stalker-ish behavior you're exhibiting now.
Your phone started ringing as soon as you stepped out of the cafe. It was your father calling so you punched the answer button and pressed the device on your ear. “Hi Dad, what’s up?”
“Hi, sweetheart. Is Mingyu there?” was the first thing he said.
You glanced back inside the cafe where you could see Mingyu happily chatting with his ‘date’. “No. Why?”
“Mommy wants to know if he’s coming this weekend. Your sister was here a while ago and told us she met Mingyu last week. Your mom’s making final arrangements for the weekend so she wants the RSVP. You know how it goes.”
“Yeah, I know,” you exhaled, your eyes twitching at the sight of the girl’s hand around Mingyu’s arm. They have left their table and are now making their way out of the cafe with all smiles.
“Right, you do. Let us know once he made up his mind, alright? Or call your mom, whatever works for you.” your dad said.
You turned in the direction of your apartment before Mingyu could see you loitering outside the cafe. “I should just call her. I gotta tell her as soon as possible anyway,” you replied as you trekked back to your apartment.
“Good. It shouldn’t be so hard to ask him. I mean,” your father chuckled. “He’s been a regular presence in our home for three Christmases. At this point, he’s basically family.”
If they only knew the truth, they would never even mention his name around you. “Right. I gotta go, Dad. I’ll call mom later.”
“Alright, Bean. Love you.”
“Love you too, Dad,” you replied, briskly hanging up and tucking your phone back into your purse. You have made up your mind, so you turned on your heel and walked back to the cafe. Mingyu was standing by the sidewalk, waving a hand at the girl who he had just sent away in a taxi. The voices in your head were screeching and cursing at you for an impulsive decision that you were actively trying to execute. But there was no turning back.
“Kim Mingyu,” you blurted as soon as you reached your ex. Mingyu, who was just about to press his phone to his ear, turned to you in surprise. “Christmas at the chateau. Is it still on the table?”
Confusion flickered on his face. “Mom, let me call you back. I need a sec. Yeah, it’s her… I will. Bye, mom. Talk later.”
You took a deep breath, watching him put his phone away and walk closer to you. He then said, “It depends on you, y/n. Just say the word.”
You exhaled sharply, blowing steam from the warmth of your mouth. “Come with me, then. Spend Christmas with me–us. The family… My uh, family wants you there.”
Mingyu shrugged, lips lifting into a boyish smile. “What about you? Do you want me there?”
“Absolutely!” you replied so quickly, it was embarrassing. “Everyone would be delighted to see you so… That makes me want you to be there.”
There’s no way he didn’t notice how defensive you were. Mingyu’s grin didn’t falter, nodding cheekily as he said, “Okay then. If you insist.”
You couldn’t help the smile that tore through your lips, both annoyed and shy because you knew he was teasing you on purpose. “Stop that.”
“What?” he grinned. “You want me there. I guess I’ll be there then.”
“Shut up,” you gloated, shaking your head despite being unable to erase your smile. You started walking back to your apartment while Mingyu followed behind you. “Go away!”
He chuckled heartily, reaching for your elbow. “Come, y/n. I’ll take you home.”
“Fine,” you grumbled, letting him drag you back. Your heart has stopped raging and you are feeling much calmer now. “I have rules.”
“Okay.”
“And I have a condition.”
“Sure, sure. Let’s hear it in the car.”
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“What could go wrong?” you questioned, looking at your friend Daphne through the reflection in the mirror.
Daphne stared back at you with a dumbfounded expression, as if she had just heard the most ridiculous thing ever. “Those four words are harmless on their own. But if you put them together, you get the most dangerous sentence in the history of humanity.”
You scoffed, shaking your head as you turned to face her. “You’re so dramatic.”
“And you’re an idiot.”
“Thank you very much,” you quipped, then stood with your back facing her. “Now, would you please help me out of this dress? I don’t like it.”
“Me neither,” Daphne agreed before unzipping the dress at once.
“How about that one?” You pointed at a nice maroon cashmere dress. 
Daphne looked over it and nodded. “It’s cute. Try it on.”
You hurried back into the fitting room with the dress. It’s the morning before you leave for the chateau and you invited Daphne for a last-minute shopping. You wanted a dress for the Christmas dinner and you initially thought you’d find a decent one in your closet but there wasn’t any. That was not to say you didn’t have any nice dress–in fact, you had plenty. You just didn’t want to wear them for the occasion. It was as if everything in your closet was suddenly tacky, plain, or unattractive. You wanted new ones.
“You look amazing,” Daphne said as soon as you stepped out, although she had a deadpan expression.
“Thank you. I like it too.”
“Be honest. Are you shopping because you wanted to look cute for Mingyu?”
You laughed awkwardly. “No, I’m not.”
Daphne narrowed her eyes at you. “I can see right through you.”
You knew that but you were still adamant about denying it. “I don’t dress to impress, Daph. Especially not for a man.”
“You don’t, but this is Mingyu we're talking about so…” she retorted, raising an eyebrow at you.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say. This dress is not for him,” you insisted, examining yourself in the mirror.
“It’s okay, girl. You can be honest with me.”
“I can?” you lilted, taking the bait Daphne threw to catch you.
“See, I knew it!” she snickered, rolling her eyes. “You want to impress your ex.”
You just pouted, not responding to her at all and just looking through your dress selections for more options. So what if you want to impress Mingyu? You’re not trying to get back with him. You just didn’t want him to think you were any less pretty after the breakup.
“y/n, I told you. Bringing him to the chateau is a bad idea.”
“It’s just one weekend,” you murmured, embarrassed but determined not to back out.
Daphne stood from the couch and crossed her arms over her chest. “One weekend where your heart and dignity is on the line. I don’t think it’s worth it.”
Daphne was right and you know it. But you had made up your mind–you are going to the chateau with Mingyu. You’ve made the preparations and told your parents he was coming. You’ve talked to Mingyu and put up clear boundaries. Plus you are driving up there in four hours. You can’t just back out at the last minute!
You can, you just didn’t have the intention to do so. Although it shamed you to admit it, a part of you wanted this. For old-time’s sake.
“I know you mean well but,” you paused, faced your friend, and sighed, “I’m sorry, Daph.”
Daphne sighed, shaking her head sternly as he approached you to tenderly squeeze your shoulders. “I guess I can’t change your mind, then?”
You responded by shaking your head, and Daphne pulled you into a hug.
“Just don’t go breaking your heart. It hasn’t even healed yet.”
“I’ll try my best.”
Your friend grumbled as she pulled away. Pouting, she pointed at the dress with a deep olive green shade. “Get this one too. Green looks majestic on you. And hurry. This place is getting too crowded.”
Grinning, you heeded her suggestion and grabbed said dress before disappearing into the fitting room once again. After shopping, you sat down for brunch with your friend and spent the morning chatting away. By the time you arrived back at your apartment, it was half past noon and you only had a couple minutes left before Mingyu would come to pick you up. You stuffed your new clothes in your luggage, inspected your boxes of presents for your family, and did your routine inspection of your flat to make sure everything was clean and tidy before you left.
Your doorbell rang right on time, signaling the arrival of Kim Mingyu. Part of you wanted to roll your eyes and say he can just come in like he used to. It’s not like you changed your passcode or anything. But then again, Mingyu is a gentleman. Even if he could, he wouldn’t just waltz in like he owns the place.
“Hi,” he beamed as soon as you pushed your door open. “You ready to go?”
“Yes, I just need help with these,” you replied, motioning to the huge bag of presents in your hands. Mingyu was quick to take it out of your hands, and then hold the door open for you while you went back in to take your luggage out. He even took that one out of your hand too.
“Is this all your stuff?” he asked as you closed your apartment door.
You nodded in response and so you both boarded the elevator. At the parking lot, his car was right outside the exit, waiting for the two of you. As soon as everything was loaded, he opened the car door for you with no hesitation. Dumbfounded, you quietly slipped through the door and sat on the shotgun. Mingyu then rounded the car to get inside the driver’s seat.
“Ready?” he asked, beaming. You looked away from him, pretending to be busy with the seatbelt as you responded to his question with a quiet nod.
The first few minutes of the car ride were spent with Mingyu talking to his mother on the phone. It was a pure and adorable conversation about the weather, meals, and their plans for the weekend. Mingyu’s mom was a kind woman who spoke in a stern but gentle manner. You don’t have that many memories with her mom, except for the time two years ago when Mingyu took you on a trip to his hometown. At the time, and in the few occasions that you did talk to her, she has shown nothing but adoration for you.
“Mmhmm, don’t worry. I will take good care of myself, Mom,” he said affectionately after his mom reminded him to keep himself warm and never get sick.
“But wait, if you’re on your way to their house, does that mean y/n is with you?” she asked from the other line. Your eyes widened at his phone that was hanging on the dashboard holder. Then you glanced at Mingyu who just scrunched his nose cutely at you. 
“Yes, she’s here. Say, ‘hi’.”
His mother started laughing heartily before saying, “Hi, dear. How are you?”
“Hello, Moth…er…” your speech trailed off, awkwardly glancing at Mingyu.
He just chuckled and gave you an encouraging nod before mouthing, “It’s okay.”
“Um… I’ve been well–” you stammered, clearing your throat before finishing, “–mother.”
“You’ve been well? Great. That’s great,” she chimed, her voice sweet and endearing. “I haven’t heard from you for a while. I thought you finally got sick of my son and left him for good.”
A hiccup escaped your throat, caught off-guard by her sudden comment. Mingyu on the other hand, started whining and said, “Mom! Why would you even say that?”
“Why not? She has every reason to dump you,” she replied. Mingyu grabbed the phone from the holder and tapped the loudspeaker button so he could talk to his mother in private.
“I’ll call you later. Stop worrying about me and take care of yourself, alright? Good. Let’s talk soon. Okay. Bye, love you!” He then tossed the device into a compartment and mumbled under his breath. You might not speak his language, but you knew he just cursed in his mother tongue.
“Sorry about her,” he said awkwardly. “You see, I haven’t told them either.”
“Hmm, I see.”
“She asks about you all the time, you know,” he added, eyes fixed on the road. “Even after we broke up.”
“What do you tell her?” you probed, genuinely curious. If she did ask about you all the time, how come he couldn’t tell her about the breakup?
“Nothing much. Just that you’re fine and doing stuff,” he said, to which you hummed in response and then turned your gaze to the road.
“Are you?” he questioned, making you look at him. He glanced at you briefly. “Are you fine and doing stuff?”
“Who, me?” you chuckled nervously. “Yeah, I’m fine and doing stuff.”
“Really? What have you been up to these days?”
“Oh, you know. Small gigs for family or friends. Nothing official or permanent yet. I’m still on a break.”
You and Mingyu met in college as sophomores. He took up accounting, while you were an art student majoring in interior design. After college, he applied for jobs in major firms and got accepted immediately. Then for the next six months, he worked as an assistant for an executive–which served as his training before he signed a full contract. You, on the other hand, didn’t have to worry about getting a job and securing a good salary. So you took your time, not making big decisions and enjoying your free time.
“So you’re freelancing?” Mingyu asked.
“I wouldn’t consider it freelancing since I’m not really available for hire any time. I just picked up some small projects for Allan’s house. The other is for Daphne’s department store. And I decorated for Sue as well. Remember her?”
“Yeah, I remember Sue. She was your new neighbor before I…” he stopped to clear his throat and finished, “Before I moved out.”
The sudden change of subject made your stomach turn. Looking back, you and Mingyu started living together in your fourth year of college. As spacious as it was, before he moved in, you had never eaten or cooked there. It was tidy, not because you purposely kept it clean, but because barely anyone stayed there who would make any mess– not even you who spent most of your time outside and only came home to sleep and bathe. Mingyu made it homely and warm.
At one point in your relationship, you told him you could never live there without him anymore. You could not imagine waking up without him on the bed, eating there without the food he made himself, or sitting in the living room without him to snuggle with. You told him that once and although he laughed about it, he also promised he would never leave you there alone. 
Long story short, he lied. Sure, you were the one who broke things off, but he was the one who left. That was the part that hurt most— the fact that he just agreed to break up without putting up a fight. You can only hope the best for him, you knew he was hoping the same for you anyway.
Attempting to dissolve the awkwardness, you decided to ask him about his job. “How was your job at the firm?”
“Oh, it’s great. I got regularized about two weeks ago,” he replied, looking pleased.
You knew that, one of your friends told you about it when it happened. “That’s amazing. I knew you would get the job.”
“Thanks. That’s immensely reassuring.”
You agree that it was such a reassuring thing to say, and you also regret not saying it when you were still together— when he needed to hear it the most.
“Good to know. You’ve always been easy to reassure,” you said as a passing comment. “I wish Blair was like that. I mean, honestly, how can she ask me to reassure her all the damn time but still remain pessimistic about everything?”
Mingyu chuckled heartily. “I guess the pregnancy is making her anxious, huh?”
You shook your head. “Not the pregnancy itself. It’s giving birth that she’s so scared of. Now that her due is near, everyone has been trying to give her pep talks.”
“It must be nerve-wracking.”
“I can’t say I know how it feels,” you chuckled derisively. “You wanna know what she’s naming the baby?”
“She picked one already?” he asked, glancing at you with an amazed smile.
“It’s Alfred.”
“Alfred?” Mingyu frowned, dismayed. The face he made was funny to you because you had the same negative reaction when you first heard it. 
“Yes. Alfred,” you snickered. "Tacky, isn't it?"
“No. I think it’s um…” He tilted his head a little. “It’s okay. Cool name. Alfred. Has a nice classy ring to it.”
You rolled your eyes, knowing he was just trying to patronize your sister. “She’s hell-bent on following our parents’ legacy by naming her children chronologically. We barely talked her out of naming the child Allan after my older brother.”
Mingyu hummed. “So if she had it her way, there would have been a ‘y/n Jr.’ in a couple of years.”
You giggled, leaning your head on the backrest as you started feeling drowsy. “I know, right? That would have been nice, and kinda weird too if you think about it.”
“So I almost became a godfather to an Allan Jr.?” he asked, bewildered. “Now that you mentioned it, it does sound a little strange for an Allan Jr. to exist as someone else’s child, not Allan’s himself.”
“Do you still want to be Alfred’s godfather?” you asked, remembering that Blair had requested Mingyu to be her son’s godfather when she first found out that she was pregnant. “I mean, would you still be up for it after we tell everyone that we’ve broken up?”
You saw Mingyu shrug. “As long as you’re okay with it.”
That was such a play-safe answer, and also a ridiculous one especially since it was between him and Blair as friends; you had nothing to do with it. But you also recognized why it would depend on your opinion. To begin with, it was because of you that he made friends with your family. He would want you to be comfortable with it more than anything. And of course, regardless of how great their relationship was, you knew your family would take your side no matter what. Each time you remember this fact, you are reminded of the disappointment and pain that your breakup would bring upon your loved ones.
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Something about the yuletide season tugs at your heartstrings each year. Everywhere you go, twinkling lights adorned the homes, business establishments, and the streets. Christmas brings a festive mood to the atmosphere and a unique blend of warmth, nostalgia, and anticipation that fills you with warmth despite the cold season. Your hometown is no different; each Christmas, it transforms into a wonderland of lights and decorations from house to house. In your own home, there is a warm sense of togetherness as your family gathers to share laughter, stories, and meals. 
You loved this mood, but this year is a little different. The festivity is still there, but the warmth of the familiar embrace has disappeared. The once-sweet scent of gingerbread in the air now had a bitter aftertaste to it that you knew was caused by the massive hole in your heart. And it didn’t help that the reason for this void was smiling next to you.
“Here we are,” he breathed, glancing sideways at you. It’s nightfall. The drive took four hours and you slept for most of it.
“The rules,” you reminded, making him nod. “Don’t forget them.”
“Alright, babe.”
“Babe?” you scowled, making Mingyu chuckle.
“Yes, ‘babe’,” he repeated, reaching for your hand on your thigh. “Come on, It’s only for the weekend.”
“Right. Only for the weekend,” you echoed, glancing at your joined hands.
Approaching the chateau, you marveled at the Christmas trees lined up along the driveway, and the glowing ornaments hanging on them. As you reach the entrance of the house, you can hear the low hum of amazement from Mingyu. Coming to the chateau always amazed him. Not that you can blame him. The chateau is magnificent— preserved and passed down through generations, it sits on a large estate and exudes grandeur and sophistication at every turn.
“Hello, sweetheart!” your mother greeted cheerfully, walking towards you with open arms.
You greeted her back with a smile, giving her a tight hug. As she approached Mingyu, you embraced the other members of your family who came out to greet you. 
“You arrived right on time for dinner,” your father stated, giving you a one-armed hug and a gentle squeeze on your shoulder. “I made your favorite.”
“You did?” you exclaimed, gleaming in delight. Your father puffed his chest proudly. “Aw, thank you!”
“You’re welcome, Bean,” he replied, evidently pleased to have elicited a good reaction from you. He patted your shoulder before greeting Mingyu. “Mingyu, my boy! Welcome back.”
“Good evening, sir,” Mingyu beamed, shaking hands with your father but the latter pulled him into a hug. 
“It’s been a while,” said your father, smiling contently. “How have you been, son?”
“Very well, sir,” your ex-boyfriend replied as he let your father lead him into the house. As they went, you could hear some of their conversation. 
“Not as well as I have,” your father chuckled cockily. “Did you know I’ve been hitting the gym these days? Putting in some literal leg work.”
“Nice. Although I already know. Dave told me you were there once every week.”
“Of course. And what an excellent PT he was, Dave. You have my thanks for introducing me to him.”
You caught your mother by the arm as she was passing by you. “Dad’s been going to the gym?”
“Don’t get me started, y/n,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. She leans closer to speak in a quieter voice. “I’m glad that he’s exercising because it’s good for his health, but this thing which he calls ‘gains’ is making him vain and more annoying than usual.”
You snorted, unable to stifle your laughter. Your mother sighed with exasperation before turning to walk away from you. At that moment, you spotted Mingyu with your cousins, making you assume he was snatched away from your father’s grasp. They laughed as they chatted, contributing to the warmth permeating the atmosphere of the entire house. You couldn’t help admiring Mingyu, completely taken by his natural charm and charisma that make it easy for him to be friends with everyone.
Oh, to be Kim Mingyu— outstanding, endearing, compassionate; loved by all who meet him. Visually, he’s remarkably handsome, with his tan skin and prominent features, brilliant eyes that gleam with kindness, and a beautiful smile that lights up his face. He’s quick-witted and intelligent, capable of holding conversations about various subjects at different levels of seriousness. His sense of humor is the cherry on top, bringing laughter and joy to every gathering. He’s incredibly thoughtful too, not to mention caring. Whether it's helping out with chores, lending a listening ear, or surprising them with thoughtful gestures, Mingyu loved your family as much as he loved you. This is why he was able to build a strong connection with them, something you would hate to break if you were to reveal that you two have broken up.
In your family’s eyes, Mingyu is more than just your boyfriend; he's a part of the family, someone they wholeheartedly embrace and admire. Sometimes you’d think you fumbled when you broke up with him but then you get a flashback of the events leading up to the breakup and you realize nobody is perfect; not even the Golden Boy, Kim Mingyu.
“Everything alright?” he asked upon approaching you. He had caught you staring from across the hall while he was catching up with your cousins.
“Yeah. Mom said we should all head to the dining hall for dinner.”
“Sure. Let’s go,” he beamed, placing a hand on your waist as you led the way.
You headed straight to the dining area for dinner, where you got to meet the rest of your family who will be joining you for the weekend. Most of your relatives hold their own Christmas celebrations, the others who don’t get invited for a holiday break by those who want to host. Your mother is an excellent host, and she always sends Christmas invitations to your extended family, regardless of whether they can make it or not. As a matter of fact, Christmas at the Chateau is quite a popular recurring event in your family. That being said, there are always unfamiliar faces each year, as well as regulars who are more tight-knit with your immediate family.
“Dear lord, if it isn’t y/n,” said Aunt Lydia, a distant aunt whom you’ve only met a handful of times because she lived halfway across the globe and only showed up for important family functions. “Last time I saw you, you were wearing braces and corrective glasses. Now you’re a beautiful lady. Isn’t that right, Lena?”
Lena, her daughter, gave you a smile and a quick peck on the cheek. “It’s been a while, y/n.”
“You returned her sweet smile and let her hold your hand. 'Good to see you, Auntie. It’s been a long time. Good to see you too, Lena.' Their eyes were fixed behind you, making you glance back only to realize they were looking at Mingyu. He was chatting with some of your cousins, laughing about things you couldn’t comprehend from where you were standing.
“Is that your boyfriend? Mingyu, was it?” your aunt asked.
Your brows lifted, mildly surprised. “You know about Mingyu?”
“Oh, I heard about him. All good things,” she giggled. “I heard you’ve been together a long time?”
“I guess you could say that,” you chuckled awkwardly. At that same moment, Mingyu caught you looking so he smiled at you and then excused himself from your cousins. “I should introduce you to him.”
As soon as Mingyu was within reach, he snaked an arm around your waist, and you placed a hand on his shoulder as you motioned to your relatives.
“Auntie, this is Mingyu. Mingyu, this is my aunt from Europe. You haven’t met her before because she rarely comes here.”
“Nice to meet you, ma’am,” Mingyu beamed, leaning towards the elder lady for a brief hug.
“And this is my cousin, Lena.”
“Lena. Nice to meet you,” Mingyu recited, shaking hands with your cousin. The reluctance on Lena’s face when Mingyu didn’t greet her the same way he greeted your aunt did not go unnoticed by you.
“Hi, Mingyu. Pleased to meet you,” she replied, chuckling nervously before backing away and fiddling with the ends of her blonde hair.
As observant as you were, you knew right then and there that Lena was attracted to your boyfriend—well, ex-boyfriend, although no one knows that yet. Nonetheless, you didn’t think much about it. It’s Kim Mingyu after all, loved by all who meet him. You couldn’t blame anyone who fell for him at first sight as it was the case for you when you first met him all those years ago.
It was at a college party, your third party in a week because everyone was trying to hold one to welcome the new semester. You had just transferred from another campus, and your friends were showing you around. Mingyu was by the poolside of that big house, dunking students into the water as a penalty for losing against him in arm wrestling. He seemed to enjoy the attention too, not shying away from it but not being cocky about it either. Both boys and girls surrounded him, all of them wanting to be friends with the most popular sophomore on campus.
Boys think he is cool, and girls, well, they’re girls—enamored by the handsome specimen, just like you were at that very moment. Daphne was the one who told you his name and added in his reputation for turning down girls without batting an eye. Not that you had any plans of confessing to him anyway. He was cute, yes, but that’s all. In no time, he’ll become nothing but a passing crush.
You were wrong, of course. He talked to you that night, asking for your name. The rest was history.
“So, Mingyu, how was work? I heard you got promoted to regular. Is that true?”
“It is. And work is wonderful. The firm really does live up to its name.”
“As they should,” an uncle of yours chuckled. “The family has been doing business with them for the longest time. We wouldn’t trust them if they weren’t any good.”
“Oh, so you're in business with them?” Mingyu glanced at you, and you shrugged as if to say you had no idea.
Your father hummed in response. “That firm oversees the estate's accounts, as well as the company’s books. You didn’t know, did you?”
'No, sir. I had no idea,' Mingyu responded, astonished.
“The founder, Mr. Harrington, happened to be a family friend,” interjected your eldest brother, Allan, a hint of amusement in his voice. “There were talks about exploring partnerships elsewhere, but when we heard you were working there, Dad seemed to have a change of heart.”
Your father chuckled warmly, eyes twinkling as he waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “That’s enough, Al. Don't put pressure on the young man.”
“Oh, right. Speaking of that, is anyone going to the wedding?”
“Whose wedding?”
“Mr. Harrington’s daughter’s wedding. You did receive the invitations, didn’t you?”
Dinner table conversations are often like this; topics that span from individual career pursuits to the latest news in business or finance. As you go through the food, the conversations also transition to mundane topics or updates on family members, such as children’s school performances or how your cousin’s car broke down in the middle of nowhere on their way to the chateau. And then it would circle back to more profound or intellectual subjects.
Mingyu blends in effortlessly in your bunch, almost as if he belonged there to begin with. Given a chance, Mingyu would become the most welcome member of your family if you married him.
“Pathetic,” you mumbled to yourself, ridiculing your line of thought. Marriage with Mingyu? Are you serious? How could you possibly entertain the idea of marrying someone who let you leave without so much as a fight?
Your mood soured in an instant, so you stood up from your seat and excused yourself from the table as they all chatted away. The dinner was over but everyone was too immersed in their conversations to leave the table. Your feet brought you to a balcony overlooking the back garden and the pool area of the estate. It was cold but the tea was warm. Just when you thought you were alone to wallow in self-pity and overthinking, Mingyu's endearing voice called out your name, and his warm jacket settled on your shoulders.
“Everything alright?” he asked, standing behind you as he held your arms. “You left so suddenly.“
“I’m fine. Just a little stuffed,“ you told him, looking far beyond the dark horizon. The night sky was clear, with stars twinkling faintly above. As you took a deep breath, you pondered about the farce you and Mingyu were attempting to pull off this weekend. Is it worth the risk? Like hell, is it even necessary? You should have just told them the truth long ago and got it over with.
“Hey,“ Mingyu prompted, noticing your gloomy disposition. “What’s going on in your pretty little mind?“
You loved it when Mingyu talked to you like this, but not this time though. Given the situation you are in, the only thing he’s making you feel right now is annoyance and frustration.
“Stop that, Gyu,“ you grumbled, pulling away from his embrace. “There’s no need to act all lovey-dovey and sweet.“
Mingyu chuckled and looked around. “And make them wonder why we’re distant? That’s totally gonna convince them that we’re happily in love.“
Happily in-love? How can he say these things so carelessly? “We’re fine. No one’s suspicious.“
“We’ve been here three hours,“ he countered. “Back there, your mom was asking me if you were okay. If we’re going to make this work, shouldn’t we act like we usually do?“
“Fine.“ You rolled your eyes. “Just stick to the rules.“
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The rules were simple: stay in character, respect boundaries, don't tell anyone, and end it once you leave the chateau. That’s it. You can’t just walk into this without precautions, can you? So you and Mingyu agreed on these rules, which are more your rules than his. Either way, you intend to be faithful to these rules as it is the only way to prevent this whole thing from spiraling out of control.
You went up first to freshen up and get ready for bed. You scanned the room to see how you’d share it with your ex. Considering Mingyu’s height, the long couch by the balcony would be cramped for him. Sure, he’d fit just fine but he’s the kind of sleeper who likes to sprawl on the bed and take up a lot of space. The floor would be cruel, but it has more space for sure.
“It’s better than the couch, right?” you mused aloud, making your way to the door to request an extra mattress. But hesitating, you withdrew your hand from the doorknob. The floor option suddenly seemed unwise because asking for an extra mattress would surely raise suspicions about the state of your relationship. Opting instead for the balcony couch, you arranged a pillow and sheets for Mingyu. Then after discreetly taking a sleeping pill, you passed out for the day.
Waking up and seeing Mingyu in the morning felt normal, that was until you realized he was across the room instead of right next to you in bed. You took a deep breath as you pushed yourself up, your eyes still fixed on Mingyu’s sleeping figure.
“Must’ve been uncomfortable,” you mumbled to yourself.
The bed you used to share was warm, familiar, and comforting. His arms were strong, providing security as you awoke to his scent and the enveloping warmth of his presence each morning. Sometimes he'd be up and out of bed before you were, and you'd wake up to the nice aroma of coffee waiting for you in the kitchen. Other times, you'd wake him with a simple breakfast of eggs and pancakes, your culinary expertise may have been limited, but your affection was boundless.
There were also times when you'd both wake too early, your passion spurred in the hush of early morning hours. He'd be gentle and quick, but you liked those kinds of mornings. You used to think the mornings you shared with Mingyu were mundane, uneventful, and slow, but looking back, those mornings now shimmer with newfound appreciation. Now that it's gone and you're missing it, you couldn't help but acknowledge the possibility that you might have taken it all for granted.
As you sat on the edge of your bed pondering, Mingyu stirred, taking a deep breath and letting out a long raspy exhale. He blinked at you several times, smiling once his vision became clearer.
“Good morning,” he sang. If you were still together, you’d immediately jump on him for a cuddle. Now that you’re not, it’s difficult to keep a straight face. You don't even know how to properly respond to that simple greeting.
“Morning,” you greeted back. Then again, if you were still together, he wouldn’t be sleeping on the couch to begin with. 
The land where the chateau sat is only a small part of the vast estate that your family owns. If one were to take a quick drive or a ten-minute hike up, they would find a meadow and a lake further ahead. As a child, you had picnics there often, especially in spring. In the winter, a white blanket of snow covers what used to be lush greenery, making it a perfect place for sledding. As such, it became a family activity every Christmas.
You stepped out of Mingyu’s car, blinking at the beautiful white canvas before you. Mingyu uttered a low “wow” as he approached you, smiling toothily while he tightened his padded jacket. You breathed the crisp air, exhaling through your mouth as you did. This wasn’t his first time sledding with your family, or experiencing the expansive landscape of your home. You had shared picnics with Mingyu in these areas, basking in the beauty of spring or summer. Those quiet moments are among your fondest memories with him.
“What do you think?” he asked, eyes gleaming. 
You shrugged. “I like it here better in spring.”
Behind you, you could hear the soft thuds of car doors being closed as your family members emerged from their vehicles.
“Oh, look! It’s perfect!” Blair cheered with her hands clasped together in delight. 
Your father chuckled heartily beside you and only then did you notice that he had caught up to you. He placed his arm over your shoulder, giving you a side hug as he said to your sister, “What did I tell you? That heavy snowfall last night will do us some good.”
Ecstatic, Blair dragged her husband towards the hill; the latter pulling a sled. Your cousins followed them, and your father too while you stood there pondering your choice to come here. Should you have just stayed with your mom and aunts back at home?
Allan approached Mingyu, giving him a nod. Mingyu smiled back, saying, “Hey, Al.”
“Hey. I don’t know how to say this but…” your brother paused, glanced over his shoulder at the excited children emerging from his car, and then shrugged at Mingyu. “Are you okay with a bunch of kids bothering you all day?”
“What does that even mean?” you interjected, although you weren’t part of the conversation.
“The boys want to go sledding with Mingyu,” Allan sighed, placing his hands on his waist. “Only with Mingyu.”
Mingyu chuckled. “It’s alright. I don’t mind.”
“Are you sure?” Allan probed, looking somewhat apologetic. Mingyu nodded in assurance. “Okay, man. Thanks a lot.”
You watched as Mingyu approached your brother’s truck with a big goofy grin. Your nephews cheered his name before jumping into his arms at the same time. Mingyu laughingly carried the boys off the truck and you found yourself impressed by how strong he was to be able to carry two big kids. Then again, he had always been strong. He works out a lot and his efforts show in his toned physique. You know damn well how ungodly gorgeous he looks underneath those thick layers of clothing.
You gasped, shocked by your lewd thought. Shaking your head in an attempt to clear your mind, you muttered, “What the fuck.”
“Come again?” Allan asked cluelessly.
“I was talking to myself,” you deadpanned. Allan said he’ll follow the others up the hill so you nodded at him and told him you’ll stay to take pictures. He didn’t object to that so you grabbed the camera in the car and went to find a good spot to take pictures of everyone.
For the next hour, everyone went up and down the hill in their sleds, their cheers and laughter echoing through the air. Your father was dragging your little niece in her bright pink sled. Daniel and your cousins are on the other side of the hill, having a snowball fight. They would sometimes include you by throwing snowballs at you but you would dodge and threaten to punch them if they didn’t stop– as if your tiny fist would inflict any real pain. Even Allan who was just grinning around got roped into the fight. Blair didn’t give sledding another go after her first time because she didn’t find it ‘as fun as it looked’; so she’s down the hill making a snowman with her husband.
You made sure to take pictures of everyone. As you did, you found your lenses being directed at Mingyu more often than you’d like to admit. You wanted to be pretentious and say it was because he and the kids were adorable, but you knew that you just couldn’t help yourself. He was just too close to your heart and of course, him with kids is impossibly adorable.
“y/n! Show me the pictures!” your sister called so you trekked the snow back to where the cars were parked.
You let them scan through the photos and left to go up and meet your niece and father halfway up the hill. Your father seemed tired so you thought it was best to let him rest and take the kid off his hands.
“I think she’s tired too,” your father said, chuckling as you climbed down. “She must have snoozed on her sled twice.”
“She did?” you asked, turning to your niece. “Did you snooze, baby? Are you tired? Do you wanna go home with Mom?”
The darling little girl just shook her head, her eyes focused on her parents. When they spotted you, your brother-in-law happily took her off your arms. There was a quick chat before they decided to go back to the chateau and call it a day. Everyone followed suit, running down the hill back to the cars after being called back—everyone, except for Mingyu who walked down the other side of the hill instead. You decided to follow him, stopping Allan on your way.
“Where is he going?” you asked your panting brother. He’s got one kid on his shoulders and the other on the sled he was dragging.
“Who?” he asked, following your gaze. “Oh, Mingyu? Charlie’s sled went missing. He said he'd go find it.”
You went after Mingyu, hiking up the hill and trekking down to the other side where you found him heading straight into the sparse woods. Surely the sled didn’t go as far as into the woods, right?
“Kim Mingyu!” you called out, running after him. Your feet sank into the snow as you did, making it a little hard to run fast. “Mingyu!”
Mingyu stopped upon hearing you, turning to look at you and wave. “Come here!”
You frowned when you noticed that he was holding a sled. “Where are you going?”
He didn’t respond but instead, waited for you to catch up to him. As soon as you did, you pointed to what he was holding. “Is that Charlie’s?”
“Yeah, it slid all the way to that tree over there,” he replied, pointing to the tree but you didn’t bother to look.
“And? Where else are you planning to go? Everyone’s leaving.”
Still grinning goofily, he grabbed your gloved hand and said, “Let’s go to the lake.”
“The lake?”
“Yeah. I saw it from up the hill. It looked awesome.”
You scoffed. “It’s probably frozen.”
“I know. Let’s check it out,” he chimed, dragging you but you didn’t budge. That made him stop and glance back at you with a pout.
You looked away, feigning indifference. “It’s this way.” 
Mingyu trailed behind you, his hand still tight around yours. While you waded through the snowy path, you tried to remember if you had ever gone to the lake with Mingyu before. You have, a few times, but not in winter. Usually, there was nothing special or pretty about it in winter. As kids, you were forbidden from playing at the frozen lake in case the ice broke and you fell in, so you have never tried it before. There was just no reason to go there, except maybe to look around and pass the time.
“Oh, wow,” he exclaimed upon arriving at the spot. 
As expected, it was frozen. It wasn't even the picturesque, crystal-clear kind of frozen, but rather a boring, unremarkable freeze.
Disappointed, you said, “Nothing to see here."
“Are you kidding me? It looks really cool,” he replied, but you knew he was just being polite.
“It’s really not,” you deadpanned. 
Mingyu chuckled. “You’re right. It’s not.”
“Okay. Let’s go then,” you retorted, tugging him back to where you came from.
Mingyu resisted, pulling back with enough force to make you lose your balance and bump into him. He held you in place, his face close and his breathing warm against your cheek. With a goofy grin, he asked, “Ever ice-skated on a lake before?”
“No, and this is not that kind of lake.”
“You haven’t ice-skated on a lake before?” he asked incredulously. “But there’s a lake right here.”
“This is a dangerous lake.”
“Why?”
“Because...” you trailed off, searching for an explanation. “To be honest, I'm not even sure why.”
The massive grin on Mingyu’s lips made you roll your eyes. It was the kind of expression that said he wanted to go ice skating on the lake. You’re not even wearing the right shoes. You don’t know how deep the lake goes, and you have no idea how thick the ice has gotten.
“Don’t be stupid, Gyu.”
“Come on! It's gonna be fun!”
“I think you meant 'dangerous'.”
“I’ll keep you safe,” he promised.
That made you grumble and stomp your feet a few times. “Ugh, fine!”
It was like releasing a dog from its leash in a park. Hand in hand, Mingyu excitedly rushed to the edge of the lake, where he cautiously tested the ice, first one foot and then the other. He took a few steps around and one small jump– then a big one that caused a surge of panic to grip you.
“Stop! What if it falls through?”
Mingyu threw his head back laughing. “It’s alright, the ice is pretty thick. Come here.”
You stared at the hand he was offering and then shook your head. Mingyu let out a small tut, seizing your hand firmly and guiding you toward the ice. You trod carefully as you went, looking down below at the murky water and wondering if it was solid enough to hold the two of you.
As you approached the center of the lake, Mingyu released your hand momentarily to zip up your jacket snugly. You pouted as he cupped your cheeks, still protesting at his idea of 'fun'.
"Just relax. I've got you. You'll be fine," he reassured, adjusting your beanie to shield your ears from the biting cold. You nodded, gradually getting used to the icy ground beneath your feet.
Just as you began to ease into the moment, breathing freely and feeling the tension in your muscles dissipate, Mingyu suddenly rushed forward, dragging you along with him toward the center. Panic surged through your veins, your heart racing uncontrollably.
Your shrieks tore through the quiet air, overlapping with Mingyu’s ecstatic laughter. You clung to his hand tightly, scared for good reason. If the ice breaks and you fall in, at least you won’t die alone–that was what you were thinking as you closed your eyes and let Mingyu run around in circles. And while you grappled with the chaos in your head, his reassuring reverberated through your ears.
"It's okay," he consoled, intertwining his fingers with yours. "I've got you! Open your eyes, baby."
You did as he asked, reluctantly opening your eyes to be greeted by a broad, toothy grin from your charming companion. Was he really persuasive? Or were you simply taken aback by the endearment he just used on you? Yes, you know he had been calling you that ever since you got here so to avoid raising suspicions on your pretense, but why did it send a surge of nostalgia this time?
It almost felt like the relief of finally experiencing something you had missed so dearly.
“See? How fun is this?” he shouted, still running with you.
"Not fun at all!"
"Really?" he asked again, skeptical. "Not even a little?"
Of all the people you have met so far in your life, Mingyu had the most contagious smile which was why he had you smiling in no time. Before you knew it, you were running around the frozen lake, fear and anxiety long forgotten. Your cheeks were flushed from the cold, and sore from laughing too much. Your shrieks echoed across the icy surface as he took his turn chasing after you. You didn't even notice how your goofing around has turned into a spontaneous game of tag.
Lost in the moment, you lost track of time, the hours slipping away unnoticed as you enjoyed each other's company and indulged the children in you.
“Caught you!” he exclaimed triumphantly, tackling near the edge of the lake, and sending both of you tumbling onto the soft snow.
You lay there breathless and giggling, feeling both exhilarated and euphoric from your shenanigans. Glancing sideways at him, you found him already looking at you, and both of you burst into laughter at each other's flushed faces. The chill of the snow against your neck soon became unbearable, prompting you to sit up. With a playful tap on Mingyu's chest, you urged him to do the same.
“God, I’m so tired,” he complained but the smile on his face never left.
“Yeah. You’re crazy energetic,” you retorted, letting out a long exhale.
Mingyu scooted closer to you, wrapping a hand around your waist. “But you had fun.”
Rolling your eyes, you leaned on his chest, comfortable in his warmth. “Yeah. I did.”
“Good. Let’s do that.”
“Do what?” you hummed, closing your eyes to bask in the warmth that was engulfing you.
“Oh, you know. Loosen up and take things easy,” he replied and that made you pull away to look at him.
“Meaning…?”
“Meaning we should stop worrying about it.” He tapped your nose affectionately, a warm smile on his lips. “It’s Christmas. Let's have fun.”
You sighed, the weight of your concerns heavy in your mind. "But that's not why we came here."
"I know," he acknowledged with a groan. "We'll get there eventually. For now, let's just... you know... forget about it. Just for now."
He was staring at you intently and you couldn’t help but stare right back. Everything about this moment was overwhelming—the cold, his warmth, his gaze, the proximity—everything. You both sat there face to face, quietly staring and speaking with your eyes only. At one point, it seemed as if you had come to a mutual decision on something, but you sat there waiting for him to make the first move.
“God, you look so beautiful in this light.”
Your heart somersaulted in your chest, but you were so tensed that you tried to humor the nerves away. “Did you just quote Ed Sheeran?”
Mingyu’s brows furrowed slightly, but his affectionate gaze remained. “And you’re so adorable too.”
At this point, your soul has left your body out of sheer joy. Still, you couldn't resist teasing him in response. “Duh, Mingyu. Tell me something I don’t know?”
“I could kiss you right now.”
You exhaled sharply. “Well, don’t be shy now.”
As Mingyu leaned in for a kiss, you closed your eyes in anticipation. You could already feel his breath fanning your face but before his lips could meet yours, the sound of car horns honking nearby shattered the beautiful air enveloping you. Startled, a loud gasp escaped your lips while Mingyu swiftly withdrew.
“What the actual f–” You stood up and spun to see whoever it was and spotted a pickup truck from a distance. Daniel’s head popped out from the window of the driver’s seat, followed by his shouting.
“What are you guys doing out here?” your brother called out, pressing on the horns again. “Everyone’s looking for you back at the chateau!”
You grumbled, stomping your feet as you walked towards the vehicle looking annoyed. Mingyu grabbed the sled he was looking for earlier and followed behind you. When you reached the truck, you stood by Daniel’s window with a deep scowl.
“Everyone thought you guys were dead or something,” he quipped, rolling his windows up just before you started pounding on it irritably.
“What? Can’t I have some alone time with my boyfriend?” you huffed, kicking the tire when you failed to open the door.
Daniel was making faces at you from inside the car while Mingyu chuckled behind you. He gently squeezed your shoulder to calm you down, but you glared at him instead. Mingyu instinctively backed away, raising his hands in surrender.
"Surely you won't take it out on your boyfriend, will you?" he asked with a coy grin. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and seeing this, Mingyu puffed out his chest proudly and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. "I am your boyfriend, right?"
“Gosh, men are so annoying,” you whined, reaching for the backseat door so you could climb into the car.
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Making gingerbread houses is a serious activity in your house; it was a while competition between you, your sister, and everyone else who wants to challenge. As such, it has become your favorite activity since you were a child. You were amazing at it and would always come out on top with your intricate designs and sturdy outputs. That was when Mingyu wasn’t in the picture yet. Now, you’ve been on a lose streak for three Christmases in a row and this year doesn’t look promising either. 
“Mingyu! Careful with that!” you warned as he placed the roofing for your house. Mingyu froze mid-air, glancing at you nervously.
“I think you should do it,” he pleaded, chuckling nervously.
You rolled your eyes, grumbling as you carefully took the piece from his hand. Mingyu is a good cook, but pastry? Definitely not his forte. His big hands are among your favorite features of his, but it’s useless in any activity that requires careful handling and finesse.
Blair rounded the counter and approached you. She took a big sniff and said, “Hmm, it smells like a loser over here.”
You scoffed, nudging her elbow. “Go away!”
With immense focus, you placed the roofing on your gingerbread house successfully, dusting your hands contently right after. 
“You’re so good at this,” Mingyu whispered next to you, beaming. Proud, you scrunched your nose at him and opened your mouth when he offered a piece of bread for you to eat. 
“Daniel, dear,” your mother called from the doorway, catching everyone’s attention. “Come help with the tree.”
Daniel skipped across the room to your mom, making your cousin Sydney sigh in relief of finally getting rid of the blackhole in her team. 
“Mingyu, you too please.”
Mingyu nodded at her and turned to you to say, “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” you replied, not even glancing at him as he scooped your cheek for a kiss. “It’s okay if you don’t. I might have a bigger chance of winning if you don’t.”
“Where are they going?” Lena asked, eyeing the doorway.
“Mom’s probably setting up the Christmas tree for tonight,” you replied.
“Why? Isn’t there already a Christmas tree?” Lena questioned.
“It’s a chateau tradition,” Sydney explained. “Before Christmas Eve dinner, we decorate a tree as a whole family using special ornaments.”
“Special ornaments?”
Aunt Lydia, interjected, “Ornaments that hold sentimental value, Lena. This house has been in the family for generations and has seen over a hundred Christmases. Our family loves to look back and think about the history that has shaped this very family into who we are today.”
Lena hummed in amazement. “That’s so awesome and special.”
“It is.” You smiled, mirroring the fond looks on Blair and Sydney’s faces.
“It’s pompous if I do say so myself,” said a familiar voice entering the kitchen hall. You spun to see your Aunt Sylvie walk in with a charismatic air about her. She sauntered in, heels clicking on the floors. “It’s a reminder that we are high-born snobs. Trust fund babies who never have to work a day in our life and still live a life of luxury.”
“Oh, god,” Sydney muttered beside you, looking mortified. “She’s so late.”
“Hello, children,” she lilted, winking at you specifically when you met her gaze. Your heart felt full, forever in awe of your favorite relative.
“Sylvie?” your Aunt Lydia exclaimed.
Sylvie’s smile got redirected. “How nice of you to finally join us, Lydia. I couldn’t believe it when they told me.”
They both laughed as they embraced. Lena’s mom grinned playfully at aunt Sylvie. “Still living the high-born snobbish life?”
Sylvie tutted confidently. “It’s what I do best.” 
At first glance, Aunt Sylvie is no different from the rest of the family, but she’s the wild card. In a family known for its polished manners and prestigious accomplishments, she stood out like a rose in a garden of daisies. She lives a privileged life while staying unapologetically herself. Her laugh was always loud and infectious, her stories filled with both gossip and adventures.
“Going for the win this year, huh?” Aunt Sylvie remarked as she examined your work.
“That’s the plan,” you replied with a grin.
“Well, good luck. You have my vote, no matter what,” she promised, reaching for the wine bottle on the counter.
Blair protested, “Hey, that’s cheating!”
“Playing favorites, that’s what it is,” Sydney pouted. Aunt Sylvie giggled, sauntering over to Sydney and planting a playful kiss on her cheek. Sydney just rolled her eyes.
“Don’t worry, sweetie. You’re still my favorite daughter,” Sylvie teased, tucking a strand of Sydney’s hair behind her ear before strolling away with her glass of red wine.
“That’s because I’m your only daughter!” Sydney shouted after her, a smile tugging at her lips as her mother exited the kitchen.
Mingyu, Daniel, and Sydney’s boyfriend, Luke, burst into the kitchen, their laughter and chatter filling the room. Everything was going smoothly until Mingyu bounded over to you, knocking over your intricately decorated gingerbread Christmas tree. The tree, which you had painstakingly adorned with candy ornaments and icing, was supposed to be the crowning jewel of your work. Now, it lay in a heap of crumbs on the kitchen floor.
“Oh my god,” you muttered, staring blankly at the mess. “Kim Mingyu…”
“Oh, damn, did I do that?” he asked, looking genuinely bewildered. Neither of you could figure out how it happened; one moment it was standing, and the next it was on the floor.
Allan’s wife looked over, her eyes widening at the sight. “Oh, no, Y/N,” she exclaimed sympathetically.
Everyone else hurried over to see what had happened, their faces mirroring the same look of pity for you.
“I knew it smelled like a loser over here,” Blair snickered, unable to resist the jab.
The room fell silent for a moment before you managed a rueful smile. “Well, there goes my masterpiece.”
Mingyu sheepishly picked up a piece of gingerbread. “I’ll help you rebuild it,” he offered, his tone earnest and apologetic.
Daniel couldn’t hide his grin. “And destroy it again for good measure.”
The room was soon filled with laughter and playful teasing, all at your expense. You just took it in stride, although you were a little disheartened. Amidst all that, Mingyu pulled you into a warm hug, even kissing the top of your head.
“That’s okay, baby. Winning is great, but it’s nothing if you didn’t have fun doing it together,” he consoled you, although you could tell he was just teasing you like everyone else.
“Go away,” you scolded playfully.
It was as if you had never broken up at all. You shared more than just the playful moments at the lake or sweet displays of affection in the kitchen. During the family tree decorating, you and Mingyu were wrapped in your own world, laughing and giggling as you both struggled to untangle a string of lights—only to end up getting scolded for not helping enough.
For the Christmas Eve dinner, you wore an elegant green dress that received a dramatic round of applause from Mingyu. He stood up, clapping with exaggerated enthusiasm and making everyone laugh. You joined your family at a beautifully set dinner table, sharing stories and laughter over the delicious meal. You sat opposite Mingyu, which gave you both the perfect excuse to exchange loving glances throughout the evening, basking in the warmth and acceptance from everyone around you.
After dinner where Blair won the gingerbread house contest for the second time in a row, everyone gathered in the movie room, snuggling together under warm blankets. Your head rested on Mingyu’s chest, his arm wrapped protectively around your shoulder. Both of you felt content and at home in each other’s embrace. As the movie ended, the younger kids were tucked into bed, and the older family members began to retire to their rooms. You and your cousins had other plans.
In the cozy warmth of the game room, where you and the other young adults gathered for some unchaperoned bonding time of your own, the game of charades became wildly competitive and chaotic. You and Sydney huddled together on a big sofa, guessing the answers that the boys were acting out, groaning and cheering with everyone else as the game progressed. Drinks flowed freely, light and festive, keeping spirits high.
At one point, when the game got boring, everyone settled in front of the fire, sharing stories and cracking jokes. The flickering flames cast a warm glow on your faces, and the room was filled with the comforting sounds of laughter and clinking glasses. Everything was perfect, beautiful new memories were being made.
And then Mingyu managed to convince you to go out for a walk. Bundled up in sweaters and padded jackets, you clung to his arm for support, letting the cool winter evening sober you up. Mingyu kept cracking jokes, and you laughed like you were in a stand-up comedy bar. This went on until both of you reached the pool and decided to turn back.
The weather was cold, but the atmosphere was warm and sweet. And the smell—strangely enough, you enjoyed the sweet, smoky scent coming from the chimneys, much like how some people find the earthy smell after a rain shower pleasant and refreshing.
“What are you thinking about?" Mingyu asked, slinging his arm around your shoulder and pulling you close.
“Nothing, I…” you took a deep breath as you started walking back to the main house. "I just love Christmas.”
“I can see why,” he chuckled lightly, pressing a quick peck on the side of your head.
You rolled your eyes and moved your head a few inches away from him. “Hey, that’s rule number one.”
“Actually, it’s rule number two,” he corrected, grinning. “And can I please break it?”
“You’re only asking me that now? Literally, after you were done breaking it?”
Mingyu nodded with exaggerated seriousness. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Gosh, you’re so…” you huffed incredulously, taking his arm off your shoulder and walking ahead of him.
“Wait. Let’s go together,” he called, chuckling.
When he caught up to you, he held your hand and intertwined your fingers. His smile was warm, and also very goofy. You scoffed and laughed, unable to hide how charmed you were by him. Quietly, you trekked back to the house, your breaths visible in the cold air.
“Hot tub?” he asked as soon as you were in front of your bedroom door.
You were taken aback by the offer. “What?”
Mingyu chuckled nervously, equally flustered. He then cleared his throat and tried to keep a straight face. “I don’t mean… that. I meant you should get a warm bath in the hot tub before… Ugh, fuck.”
Mingyu turned away, burying his face in his palms and muttering curses under his breath. You, on the other hand, were still processing the situation. You were shocked that he was offering the hot tub, only to find out he didn’t mean it the way you understood it.
“God, it’s in my head now.”
“What is?” you asked, belatedly realizing it was a bad question. You should have known what he was trying to say. The hot tub in the bathroom of your bedroom was a very intimate place for the two of you. A hiccup escaped your lips as you put two and two together.
Awkwardly, you pushed the door open and said, “I’m gonna go ahead.”
You walked briskly inside the bedroom, eager to avoid being in the same space as Mingyu. But then you turned around and saw that he had walked inside too. How did you even forget that you were sharing this room?
There was a moment of silence as you both stood there, tension wrapping the room. Mingyu finally broke the ice, his voice soft and hesitant. “Look, I’m sorry if I made things weird.”
You sighed, shaking your head. “No, it’s okay. I just… didn’t expect it.”
Mingyu took a step closer. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t even mean it that way.”
You smiled faintly, feeling the warmth of his sincerity. “I know. Thanks, Mingyu.”
He grinned, the awkwardness slowly melting away. “How about I start the bath for you?”
You nodded, appreciating the gesture. “That would be nice.”
Mingyu moved to the bathroom, and you heard the sound of water filling the tub. You took off your jacket and sat on the edge of the bed, your mind swirling with thoughts. Soon, Mingyu returned, his eyes gentle as he said, “It’s ready.”
You stood up and walked to the bathroom, pausing at the doorway. “Do you want to join me? I mean, it was cold out there.”
Mingyu’s eyes widened in surprise, but then he smiled softly. “You said that’s rule number two.”
You nodded. “I know.”
“Is it alright with you?”
You nodded again, feeling a mix of nervousness and anticipation. “It is.”
Both of you undressed and slipped into the hot tub, the warm water enveloping you in a soothing embrace. Mingyu sat across from you, his eyes never leaving yours. The intimacy of the moment was undeniable, the heat of the water matched by the growing warmth between you.
Mingyu reached out, his hand finding yours under the water. “I’ve missed this,” he murmured.
I’ve missed you, you screamed in your head. You could never say it out loud, so you just squeezed his hand gently and said, “Me too.”
The bath was a haven of warmth and quiet conversation, the water relaxing your muscles and easing the tension between you. After a while, you both got out and dried off, slipping into comfortable pajamas.
Back in the bedroom, you climbed into bed, tapping the space beside you when you saw Mingyu heading for the couch. He took your invitation and slid in beside you. You both lay there in the dark, the silence a total contrast to the chaos in your head. Finally, he turned towards you, his arm wrapping around your waist as he pulled you close.
“Goodnight,” he whispered, his breath warm against your neck.
“Goodnight,” you replied, your voice soft and content.
As you drifted off to sleep in his arms, the awkwardness of the evening was replaced by a comforting sense of closeness. The warmth of his embrace and the sound of his breathing lulled you to sleep, both of you feeling at home in each other’s arms once more.
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Waking up beside Mingyu felt like stepping back in time, the familiarity of his presence was bittersweet. He lay there, peaceful in the soft glow of the winter morning. You were just beginning to forget how it felt like to wake up next to him, now here he is, looking as breathtaking as you remembered him to be. This whole pseudo-relationship setup truly was a bad idea because you can already picture yourself resetting your moving-on process back to Day 1.
Or maybe, by the end of this, there will be no need to forget and move on, you pondered to yourself, feeling hopeful.
You fought with the urge to reach out and touch him, to let your fingers trace the lines of his face, reminding yourself that you were no longer in that kind of relationship. After all, you had made it clear that this was no longer that kind of relationship.
But wait… Why were you so hesitant about touching him? You were literally in the same hot tub the night before, bare and naked. Why would you be so wary about something as innocent as running your fingers through his hair? Hadn't you already crossed boundaries far more intimate than this?
Swallowing your pride and the lump in your throat, you slowly extended a hand to touch his face. Slowly, carefully, making sure you don’t wake him up. Just as you were feeling the warmth emanating from his skin, the ringing of your phone on the nightstand snapped you back into reality. Cursing under your breath, you snatched the phone from the nightstand, the name "Daphne" flashing insistently on the screen.
Your movements made Mingyu stir, groaning lowly as he stretched his legs out; sleepy eyes directed at you. With a raspy voice, he said, “Hi.”
“Hi. Sorry,” you mouthed, phone pressed on your ear. “Daph, hello. What’s up?”
“Sorry to bother you while you’re spending the holidays with your beau– oh, ex-beau,” she teased, snickering from the other line. “How is it? Have you got back together yet?”
“Please shut up,” you laughed nervously, eyeing Mingyu. You excused yourself and headed to the bathroom to speak with your friend in private.
“I guess it’s not going so well, huh?” she asked just as you were locking the bathroom door.
“Daph, the purpose of this trip is not to get back together,” you insisted, rolling your eyes although she could not see it. “Where did you even get that idea?”
Grumbling, you snatched your toothbrush and put toothpaste on it to clean your teeth with.
“I don’t know. Maybe from my exuberant interior designer who was just shopping with me the other day,” she retorted, poking fun at you. “Alright, I’m sorry. I was just teasing you. I actually called to let you know that I got called into the store because some materials came in that I don’t remember ordering. So, naturally, I assumed these are for the renovations?”
“What are they?” you asked back with the toothbrush still in your mouth.
“It says here that these are gold-plated clothing racks, premium quality.”
You hummed, confused. “I didn’t order anything like that.”
“Oh, is that so? Alright. Maybe I did. Or someone I know,” she sighed and tutted. “Anyway, I’ll sort this out. Sorry to bother you.”
“Call me anytime, Daph,” you told her, your eyes darting to the bathroom door when you heard a loud thud from outside.
“I will. Tell everyone I said ‘hi’. And don’t swoon over your ex too much.”
“Whatever,” you sighed, exasperated. 
“Merry Christmas, sugar.”
“Merry Christmas.”
When you pushed through the door, you found Mingyu sitting on the edge of the bed, looking dazed with messy hair and a tired stare. He lifted his gaze when he noticed you, and flattened his lips into a sleepy smile.
“What happened?” you asked worriedly, taking notice of the blanket and pillow on the floor.
“Oh, nothing, I just…” Mingyu sighed, scratched his neck, and stretched it sideways. “I fell.”
You gawked at him. “You fell?”
He nodded, sheepish. You exhaled sharply, not even surprised. Mingyu, as big as he is, is by far the clumsiest person you’d ever met.
“Go wash up,” you instructed, walking towards the pile of beddings to pick them up. Instead of heeding your order, Mingyu snatched you by the waist, making you squeal as he swept you up and fell on the bed with you.
You tried to free yourself from his arms, but he was stronger than you by miles. “Let me go, Gyu.”
He hummed his disapproval and nuzzled on your neck. “Let’s stay in bed all day today, okay?”
“No,” you whined, squirming but he pinned you down. Despite your efforts to escape, he only seemed to take it as a challenge, launching into a relentless tickle attack.
“Kim Mingyu! No!” you warned sternly, pointing your index finger at him in an attempt to assert authority..
The grin that he gave you was menacing. “Kim Mingyu, yes.”
“Mingyu, I swear to God I will— aaaagh!” Shrieks and laughter filled your bedroom, along with Mingyu’s taunting and deep grunts each time you kicked his shins or punched his chest. He kept going until tears started streaming from your eyes from too much laughter. Only when your pleading voice began cracking did Mingyu stop.
“Gosh. You’re so annoying!” you sobbed, infuriated. He laid beside you on the bed, wrapping you back in his embrace.
“Sorry, baby,” he whispered, kissing your forehead. “I was just playing around with you.”
“Well, it was not fun! Playing is supposed to be fun!” you scolded, swatting his arm away.
“I know. I’m sorry,” he shushed.
But you continued whining. “No, you’re not!”
You managed to get away from him and leave the bed to slump on the sofa and sulk. Mingyu sighed, although he looked genuinely apologetic. He always teased you like this, knowing how ticklish you were. And you always responded this way too, sulking and whining as much as you want.
“Baby…” he called softly, making his way to you.
“Don’t you call me that!” you retorted sharply.
Mingyu chuckled. “Okay, sweetheart.”
You scoffed. “What are you, my mom?”
“Then, ‘honey’ maybe?” he chimed.  You pushed him away with your foot, but he kept himself rooted in place, easily.
“Go away!”
"What about, 'darling'?" he continued, kneeling before you as he set your foot back down. He placed a gentle kiss on your knee, his lips lingering before trailing up your thigh. "My angel?"
The way he caressed your thigh tickled you in a way that was entirely different from what he did a while ago. This time was more sensitive, and pleasant… very pleasant.
“My love?” he sang, taking your hand and kissing the back of it.
You snatched your hand back, sighing as you scooted a little on the couch. “Stop it.”
Mingyu occupied the space next to you, touching your chin and lifting it so your eyes would meet his. “Why? I said I was sorry. Do you hate me for real?”
"No," you admitted with a pout, looking away. He gently redirected your gaze back to him.
You held his gaze, still scowling, but Mingyu's sweet smile softened your expression. He studied your face as if he didn’t already know it by heart, his eyes lingering on your lips. You flattened them together to discourage his advances, but he only chuckled and tapped your nose.
“You’re so cute,” he remarked.
You scoffed. “I know. Can’t say the same for you, though.”
Mingyu threw his head back in laughter before fixing his gaze on your lips again. For a moment, you thought he might kiss you, but before it could happen, loud knocks on your bedroom door interrupted the moment. Mingyu rose to open the door, revealing your oldest brother dressed as Santa Claus, complete with a fluffy white beard and a jolly laugh.
“Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, children!” Allan greeted, drawing candies from his bag and throwing them in the air.
“Ha ha. It’s Santa,” you deadpanned, unamused.
Allan looked at Mingyu and then at you. “Good. You’re both decent. Let’s go open some gifts.”
He then walked away with his Santa laugh, while Mingyu beckoned you to the door. You said you’d wait for him, so he hurried to the bathroom to freshen up and while he was in there, you were scolding yourself for the way things are going. You kept reminding yourself that there is no getting back together, just making your family happy. That conversation with Daphne was a needed wake-up call.
“Are you ready?” Mingyu asked when he stepped out of the bathroom. You nodded and so you went to join your parents together. 
Everyone’s gathered in the living room, some of them still yawning and out of it. The kids were excited, jumping around and rushing to Mingyu when they saw you two descending the stairs. 
A younger kid, wide-eyed with excitement, piped up, "Your friend is not coming today, Mingyu?"
"Yeah, the Grinch friend!" another kid exclaimed.
“Grinch! Grinch! Grinch!”
You chuckled, knowing exactly who they were referring to. It was from last year when Daniel was Santa and Mingyu decided to come as The Grinch. But instead of ruining Christmas, he spoiled the kids with huge supplies of chocolates and sweets. You can still remember how the moms reacted to that— mad. But since he’s Mingyu, he got away with it.
As the family gathered around the Christmas tree, you all took turns opening presents. Santa, aka Allan, gleefully announced each gift, adding to the festive atmosphere. Then, amidst the wrapping paper and excitement, you heard Santa call out that Mingyu had something for you. You were surprised, considering you had agreed not to exchange gifts this year.
With a sheepish grin, Mingyu handed you a small box. Inside was a delicate necklace, simple yet elegant, just your style. You couldn't help but smile, touched by the gesture.
“Thank you,” you told him, examining the jewelry.
“You’re welcome,” he chimed, his hand pressed in the middle of your back.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” your father prompted after a few seconds. “Put it on her!”
“Yeah!”
For the amusement of your family, Mingyu put the necklace on you himself, his fingers deftly fastening the clasp as everyone watched with amusement. It was small moments of intimacies like this that will convince your family that everything is fine— that Mingyu is a part of you, of them.
The excitement of opening gifts soon subsided, and a long table of breakfast buffet was brought in for those who wanted to eat. While you sat to eat with some of your family members, the others went out to play in the snow. You watched them from the large windows, smiling absent-mindedly as Mingyu, in his element, was building a snowman with your niece while fending off the snowballs being thrown at him by the little boys. He was so good with the kids and they loved him so much for it.
“So, when did you two get back together?” your Aunt Sylvie prompted casually as she sliced through her waffles.
Caught off-guard, you blinked. “I’m sorry. What?” 
“I thought you broke up with him?” she asked again and suddenly, the vivid memory of you drunk calling your aunt and wailing about how you broke up with Mingyu flashed in your mind.
You opened your mouth to speak but your other cousin Felicity cut you off. “You guys broke up?”
“What? When?” Blair chimed in, visibly confused.
Aunt Sylvie erupted into laughter, though a hint of awkwardness lingered beneath her merriment. “Sorry, y/n. I got you mixed up with your other cousin. She and Billy parted ways over the summer.”
“Right,” you acknowledged, a wave of relief washing over you as the memory of your tipsy phone call to Aunt Sylvie resurfaced.
“Oh, of course, Auntie Sylvie. Tricia was here with her new boyfriend.”
“Hmm. I know. I thought it was Billy, to be honest. She certainly has a type,” she told Sydney who just giggled.
Sydney's voice rang out with conviction. “There’s no way y/n and Mingyu would break up.”
"Of course." Aunt Sylvie's laughter gradually subsided as the misunderstanding was clarified. “Say, Blair, aren’t you due to give birth this month?”
“No. Seriously,” Sydney interjected, her tone firm. “I know people break up all the time, but y/n and Mingyu are just… different. They’re so in love, it’s actually enviable sometimes.”
“That’s true. They’re so compatible, it’s almost hard to believe such a relationship exists,” your cousin added, her words laced with admiration.
“Guys…” you chimed in, feeling a mix of embarrassment and guilt as all eyes turned to you.
“Have you seen Mingyu? That guy is down bad.”
“Agreed. So bad. He’s in deep,” Sydney chuckled, reminiscing. “Did you know he used to bring her flowers every day when we were in college? Every. Single. Day.”
“He even sang to her once,” Blair teased, shooting you a playful look. “Which was adorable, considering he’s not a singer.”
“Definitely not.”
“So he’s a simp?” one person quipped, prompting laughter from the group.
“But did you see the way he looked at her?” Lena interjected. “I’ve only met the guy this weekend, but I can tell by the way they look at each other.”
“Yeah, we’ve seen it, Len. You should see them when they’re playing or just hanging out by themselves. They are in love.”
“And even when we’re all gathered together, these two always have their own world. It's like they’re here, but they are also in their own separate bubble at the same time.”
“He’s so sweet too. He seemed to know exactly how to make y/n feel confident and pretty and loved… You know what I’m saying?”
“Honestly!” one of your older cousins affirmed. “One time my little girl asked me why her dad and I weren’t as sweet as you guys.”
Felicity snickered. “Yeah. I was there at the time, and when I tell you, I screamed!”
“She’s four, guys. Four. She doesn’t even know that my name is not ‘Mom’,” she added, eliciting laughter from the group.
“Well, my sister said she’ll find herself someone like Mingyu,” Sydney recounted, causing Aunt Sylvie to gasp.
“Rue? She said that?”
“Oh, yeah, she did. You better watch out, y/n. She might come for your man when she finds out how hard it is to find someone remotely close.”
The perception of a "perfect" couple often serves as a beacon of hope for others, a shining example of enduring love in a world filled with uncertainty. People hold onto these ideals, weaving fantasies of their own fairytale romance inspired by the ideal relationship they see before them. But what happens when that illusion is shattered?
If you and Mingyu were their definition of true love, the news of your breakup would undoubtedly come as a shock to those who idolized your relationship. It might even shake the foundation of their belief in lasting love, causing them to question if such a thing truly exists. Will it be your fault if little children like Sabrina’s daughter stop believing in true love?
But the truth is, you and Mingyu were never meant to be seen as perfect or ideal. Like any other couple, you had your flaws and imperfections, but you chose to keep them to yourselves. Your struggles were kept behind closed doors, known only to you and Mingyu as you worked through them together. No one ever witnessed your arguments or disagreements because you believed you must not involve other people in your private business. And perhaps it was this commitment to privacy that led others to believe that your breakup was impossible. But as much as they may have wanted to believe in the fairytale of your love story, the reality is that relationships are complex and sometimes, they don't end happily.
So no, it wouldn't be your fault if people stopped believing in love because of your breakup. Love is not defined by the length of a relationship or the perceived perfection of a couple. It's a journey filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and sometimes, even endings. And while your breakup may have shattered the illusion of a fairytale romance for some, it doesn't change the fact that what you had was beautiful and the love that they witnessed was true.
Blair’s hand on your arm pulled you out of your musings. With a smile, she said, “I’m not trying to skip ahead or anything, but if you and Mingyu do end up getting married, it will probably be the best match I have ever seen in my entire life.”
“Amen!” Felicity cheered, raising her glass in the air. The others did the same, except you who gazed outside the window where you could see Mingyu.
As if aware that someone was watching him, Mingyu glanced back at you, waving happily when he spotted you.
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The festivities continued in your home for the rest of the day, with everyone doing their own thing but in the same room. Kids were running around, and adults were chatting over wine and snacks. You joined your mother at the stairs as she watched the festivities with a fond look on her face.
“Look at them,” she told you when you approached her and wrapped your arms around her waist. 
You hummed, looking at your family. “Yeah. They’re so noisy.”
Your mother chuckled heartily, rubbing your back. “But don’t you just love this sight? Everyone is smiling and laughing. Everyone is present to spend Christmas with us.”
“Yeah, well. I guess it’s nice,” you replied, feigning indifference despite understanding her sentiments. Like her, you breathed a contented sigh, watching your family.
“You know, I didn’t grow up with Christmas traditions. Unlike most families, mine didn’t care much for Christmas,” she began, making you glance at her. “Your grandparents divorced when I was little. They would send a gift and a card each year but I knew neither of them picked those for me. It was probably their assistants. There is no way my father would know I liked unicorns,” she laughed heartily.
“That’s terrible. I could never imagine a Christmas that’s different from what we have every year,” you confessed. 
“I know. Marrying your father gave me the chance to celebrate something so beautiful with a family who may not be the most perfect but just as special.”
Your eyes were fixed on your father, dancing groovily in the middle of the room to an old tune your uncle had just put on. He pointed at your mother, beckoning her to join him. She did, happily so. Everyone cheered as they danced together, ever-loving and sweet to each other. It was a heartwarming sight, and you realized that if there’s a couple to look up to, it’s your parents—the most compatible pair. She was the calm to his storm, the peace to his chaos. He brought color to her monotonous life. While he spoke impulsively, she grounded him with thoughtful words. While he spoiled you and your siblings, she kept the household in check. They were the perfect balance, each complementing the other. When they said there was a woman behind every successful man, they must have been right.
You watched fondly as everyone cheered for your parents, the other couples eventually joining in. Your eyes met Mingyu’s in the crowd, and he gestured for you to join him on the dance floor. You shook your head briskly. If there’s one thing you’d never do, it’s dancing in front of other people.
“Come on, love!” he called out again.
“No way. I’ll pass. Have fun, though.”
He insisted, and soon your other relatives joined in, urging you to dance. But you stood your ground. When Mingyu started walking towards you, you bolted up the stairs, heading straight for your bedroom. Mingyu was hot on your tail, calling your name playfully while you shrieked. You fumbled with the door, trying to lock it as soon as you got inside, but Mingyu pushed through before you could bolt it shut.
“There is no parallel universe where you can outrun me, baby,” he breathed, pulling you by the waist so you’re flush against him.
“I’d still try, though,” you exclaimed, breathless and laughing, as Mingyu wrapped his arms around you, spinning you around the room. “You never give up, do you?”
“It depends on the fight, honestly,” he confessed, making you stop as you began overthinking again. However before you could form a coherent thought, Mingyu gave you a lift.
It made you laugh, and when your feet touched the floor again, you eased into the moment, staring at Mingyu as you swayed around the room. The music was faint and barely audible, coming all the way from the great hall downstairs. You had always known you were a terrible dancer, but Mingyu was good at it. It was easy to follow his lead, almost as easy as getting lost in the depths of his gaze. You were completely absorbed, totally entranced. How could you not be when he looked at you like his life depended on it?
“You're doing great,” he whispered, his voice low and reassuring. His hand on your waist guided you gently, and you felt a surge of confidence. 
“I know I’m not good, Gyu,” you admitted, a shy smile tugging at your lips. “You don’t have to lie.”
"But you’re perfect now," he said, his eyes never leaving yours. "Just follow me."
With each step, you fell into a rhythm, moving together in a seamless dance. The room seemed to shrink, the walls closing in until it felt like there was nothing but the two of you, swaying in the quiet of your bedroom and making a memory you probably would never forget.
“You make it easy,” you whispered, feeling a warmth spread through you that had nothing to do with the dance. 
Mingyu's smile widened, and he spun you gently, bringing you back into his arms with a flourish. “You make everything better,” he said softly.
The sincerity in his voice made your heart skip a beat. Before you could respond, he dipped you low, his strong arms supporting you effortlessly. As he brought you back up, your faces were inches apart, his breath warm on your face.
The world around you blurred and the faint music from downstairs became a distant hum. All you could see, all you could feel, was Mingyu. The intensity of his gaze, the way his arms held you so securely, the way his lips hovered just a breath away from yours.
Unable to resist any longer, he closed the distance, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that was soft at first, then deepened as the emotion between you surged. The kiss was a blend of longing, unspoken words, and unfulfilled promises, and it felt like coming home. It was like you lost something and only found it now. It felt like you belonged there; like this is the only thing you have and will ever know.
When you finally pulled away, you were both breathless, your foreheads resting together as you tried to steady your racing hearts.
“I can’t believe that just happened,” he said, making you scoff.
“Are you regretting it?”
“No!” he denied, throwing his head back as he laughed. “I just didn’t think you would let me.”
You playfully hit his arm, and he caught your hand, still chuckling. You rested your head on his chest, swaying gently with him. After a moment, Mingyu stopped and took a deep breath.
“So…“ he began, making you look up at him. “Do you wanna… make out or something?“
You laughed incredulously, both embarrassed and amused. “Why are you acting like we’re teenagers?“
“I haven’t really grown much after my teenage years,“ he said, shrugging. “So this has basically been my height since I was eighteen. You know, I was taller than my dad, which was crazy because—“
You cut him off with a kiss, frustrated by his nervous rambling. That's just another reason why he’s so endearing; he becomes a blabbering mess when he's nervous.
“You’re yapping,” you told him after parting from his lips. “Don’t be nervous. It’s just me.”
Mingyu laughed nervously. “That’s the thing. It’s you… I’m nervous because it’s you.”
You rolled your eyes, but you were grinning. “You think sweet talk will sweep me off my feet?”
He shrugged. “Not really, but I do know how to sweep you off your feet.”
“How?”
Without warning, Mingyu lifted you into his arms, literally sweeping you off your feet, and carried you over to the bed. You both fell onto the mattress, you giggling and him grinning mischievously. He lay next to you, staring at you for a second before cupping your cheek and pulling you in for another kiss.
“I’m not nervous anymore,” he boasted, grinning against your lips.
You just laughed, leaning to give him a peck on the lips. As you lay entwined with Mingyu, the winter afternoon light filtered by the curtains cast gentle shadows across the room. His fingers traced delicate patterns down the length of your arm, evoking a shiver of anticipation. His lips crashed into yours again, and this time you welcomed him with vigor; tugging at the back of his neck and grabbing a handful of his hair as he deepened the kiss.
His hand found your waist, squeezing firmly as your tongues melded together in the kiss. You pouted when he pulled away, only to let out a faint moan when his mouth moved to your neck.
“Is this okay?” he asked as he slowly tugged the sleeves off your shoulder and planted a soft kiss on the exposed skin. 
“Yes,” you told him, ignoring the screams of protest in your head. “It’s more than okay.”
Mingyu exhaled sharply, your permission making him more ravenous. His mouth scaled your neck, sucking and nipping at the skin of your collarbone and shoulder blade. You didn’t even notice that he had stripped you off of your dress until you felt his hand roaming your bare torso.
“Mingyu…” you echoed. In the intimacy of the moment, you realized just how much you had missed his touch, how his every caress seemed to awaken a yearning that you didn’t realize was very strong until now. His lips found yours again in a tender kiss, a silent promise of the passion that lay ahead.
“I’ve missed you, y/n,” he breathed, caressing your cheek. “I was so lost without you.”
You held his gaze, tenderly and lovingly as you reached for his face and leaned to kiss him. “You’ve found me, Gyu. I’m right here.”
He kissed you again, only briefly before he sat up to discard his shirt far across the room. He then hovered over you, his gaze intense as he took in the view of your nakedness before him. Dipping low, he kissed your lips, then your neck, down to your collarbone, and then your chest where your heart is. His gentle hands cupped your clothed bosoms in a firm grasp as his lips moved further down to your belly.
And amidst the whirlwind of sensations, your mind is in a mess knowing that this moment will inevitably lead to something more. You knew all too well the consequences of surrendering to this desire, the inevitable pain that would follow. You should not. You must not. This is the worst that could happen. These thoughts, equipped with detailed explanations, swirled in your head in an attempt to drag you away from the lure of desire. 
But in the heat of the moment, you stared into Mingyu’s eyes as he positioned his head between your legs, one finger stroking your moistened underwear. Right then, your rationality fell apart and you ignored its calls. Then again, when have you ever listened to reason?
A gasp escaped your lips as soon as Mingyu’s tongue did what it came to do. His every stroke sent ripples of pleasure throughout your body, numbing your mind. You grabbed a fistful of his hair, moaning and calling out his name. As if he wasn’t already doing too much, Mingyu pushed a finger inside for good measure. You could feel your body twitching as the tease of release neared, and your eyes blurred with too much stimulation.
Please don’t stop, you screamed, but only in your head. Mingyu, however, stopped at that very moment, sitting up on the bed and gazing at your fucked out expression. His grin was menacing, satisfied by the view before him.
“You love that, don’t you?” he lilted, licking his lips cockily. Watching him unbuckle his belt almost made you cry as every fiber of your being begged for him to touch you again, to be one with him in body and soul.
“Mingyu…” you pleaded, not even hiding your desperation. Mingyu hurriedly hovered over you, kissing your forehead and caressing your face.
“Don’t cry, baby,” he said sweetly, kissing your lips and laughing when you chased after it. “I’m right here.”
Mingyu would never make you wait; he could not. He’s weak against your pleas and his fervor is about fifty times more than yours. So he gave you what you both wanted, pushing into you languidly with one movement. You whimpered due to the agonizing pleasure, back arching towards him as your body responded. His thrusts and unrestrained grunts had you spiraling, your nails embedded in his skin as you held onto him for dear life.
Worried you were being too loud, you bit your lip to stifle your moans, giving Mingyu a pleading look as you stared at each other. He smirked at you and stopped moving for a second. Without a warning, he did a sudden, hard, heavy, and deep thrust that had you yelping in bliss.
“Bite your lips again, I dare you.”
You raised an eyebrow, clueless but only momentarily. Breathless and hoarse, you asked, “Why not?”
“I want to hear you.”
Did he really think you disliked his little ‘punishment’ in any way? Feeling mischievous, you challenged him by biting your lips once more, making him ram into you roughly again. You bit back your moans so he did it again. Once more, and twice, until he finally realized that you were doing it on purpose.
Laughing darkly, Mingyu ducked to kiss you, his lips moving to your cheek and then nibbling on your ear before whispering, “You naughty naughty little lady.”
And so you surrendered yourself to him completely, losing yourself in the sweet oblivion of his touch. His hand explored every inch of your body, tracing the outlines of your curves with a gentle touch that left you breathless. Your bodies danced to the rhythm of desire and you cried each other’s names in ecstasy brought by release. It was a moment of pure bliss, a fleeting glimpse of paradise in a world filled with chaos and uncertainty.
You’ve done it, y/n, you told yourself. You’ve passed the point of no return.
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You lay nestled against Mingyu, your head resting on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. His arm wrapped around you securely, his fingers drawing lazy circles on your back. The warmth of his skin against yours was a stark contrast to the cold that loomed beyond the windows, and you sighed contentedly, feeling utterly at peace.
Mingyu shifted slightly, pulling the blanket up to cover you both more snugly. "Are you warm enough?" he asked softly, his voice low and gentle.
You nodded, nuzzling closer to him. "Perfectly warm," you whispered.
He tightened his hold on you, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. A comfortable silence settled between you, broken only by the soft sounds of your breathing. You felt his hand travel up to your hair, his fingers threading through the strands, soothing and calming. 
"Do you remember your first Christmas up here? We were sledding all afternoon and got caught in a snowstorm?" you asked, a smile playing on your lips at the memory.
Mingyu chuckled, a deep, warm sound that vibrated through his chest. "Yeah. It snowed hard that time. We had to hide in the cabin across the estate."
You hummed. “It was so cold. And the fireplace wouldn’t work."
"We had to keep each other warm," he added, laughing softly. His eyes met yours, filled with the same warmth and affection you felt. "Best snowstorm ever."
You sighed, closing your eyes and letting yourself enjoy the moment. It felt so natural, so right, to be in his arms again.
As the minutes ticked by, the steady rise and fall of his chest lulled you into a state of near-sleep. His warmth, his scent, the feel of his skin against yours—it was all so familiar, yet achingly new. You knew this would end, that reality would creep back in, but for now, you allowed yourself to bask in the moment, to let yourself be wrapped up in him.
“I wish we could stay like this,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.
“We can, for a little while longer,” Mingyu replied, his voice equally soft. “Let's just enjoy this, okay?”
You nodded, a sense of calm washing over you. “Okay,” you agreed, snuggling closer.
But then your thoughts became too much to contain, one question repeatedly echoing in your head. “What about after this?”
“Hmm?” Mingyu inquired, opening his eyes slightly.
You pulled away from him, moving back a little so you could see his face properly. “What happens after this?”
Mingyu chuckled sleepily, pulling you back into his embrace. “Is that necessary? We’re having lots of fun. Let’s not spoil it with depressing conversations.”
His response stirred something in you—rage. A blind rage that made the veins on your forehead pulse. You exhaled sharply, pulling away again. “Why are we doing this?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, propping himself up on his elbows.
“We came here to fool my family, Gyu. Not for...” you paused, looking at the cozy state of your bed. “...this. Whatever this is!”
You kicked the sheets off your legs and stood up at once, pacing the room as you massaged your aching temples.
“Baby, come on,” Mingyu sang, following after you to pull you into his arms. You let him hug you, pressing your cheek against his chest while he ran his fingers through your hair. “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what, Mingyu?” you groaned, pushing him with weakened arms while you tried your best not to sob. “Don’t do what? I don’t even know what we’re doing.”
His grip tightened around you, his voice a soothing whisper. “We’re just living in the moment, taking what we can get. Isn't that enough?”
You shook your head, tears finally spilling over. “No, it’s not. I can’t just pretend this doesn’t mean anything.”
Mingyu sighed, his own expression conflicted. “Babe—”
“Stop calling me that, please!“ you pleaded, crouching down on the floor as you felt your knees give out. You buried your face in your hands, hiding behind your hair as you sobbed. “I knew this was a bad idea. I fucking knew it!“
The room fell silent, the only sound being your sniffling. Your mind was a mess, and your heart throbbed painfully. After some time, you felt Mingyu’s hand on your back, the other on your knee.
“I’m sorry,” Mingyu whispered, his voice barely audible as he kissed the top of your head. “I’m so sorry.”
You lifted your head, meeting his apologetic gaze. “You don’t love me at all, do you?”
“Why would you even say that?”
“Because you wouldn’t be apologizing if you did.”
He uttered your name, the anguish on his face making your heart ache even more. You wished you could read his mind, wished he would open up and let you in on his deepest thoughts about your relationship.
“I love you, y/n... I loved you so much.”
“Then why did we break up?”
“Because it’s what you wanted.”
“You never fought me about it!” you cried, standing up and pacing away from him. You wiped the tears from your cheeks with the back of your hand. “You just walked out the door, Mingyu! You left without so much as a fight. It was like you were waiting for it to happen!”
“That’s not true!” he protested, standing up as well, his voice rising in desperation.
“Then why didn’t you say so?“
“Because you wanted it! I was just giving you what you want.” He slumped back on the couch. “You didn’t want me anymore. I knew it, I saw it, I felt it.”
“Can you blame me?” you asked incredulously. “You were too busy, Gyu. You had no time for us!“
“I was a newbie at work. Of course, I was busy,“ he retorted, still in a low voice but you could hear the frustration in his voice. “I was swamped with work, but I made sure to come home to you. I made time for you. I tried my best not to neglect you.“
“You tried, huh? Well, if you really did, I would have noticed it but I didn’t! You were always tired. We could go on not speaking a word to each other for hours. And then out of nowhere, you’ll be in the mood to have sex,“ you scoffed, laughing derisively. “What makes you think you can ignore me all day and I would still open my legs for you when you ask for it?“
Mingyu sighed, shutting his eyes in frustration. “Oh my god, y/n. You stopped having sex with me, did you forget? Even on days when we’re getting along, you never let me touch you. You always had excuses and I respected them. Some of them are ridiculous by the way, but I respected them all the same!”
He was right, but you weren’t ready to give up yet. “Then why did you change so much? You even stopped trying to fix things whenever we fought. You just go to bed and sleep like nothing was wrong!”
“That’s because you kept picking a fight over the smallest things! I can’t keep having all these stupid arguments with you,” Mingyu groaned, gesturing wildly.
“Exactly!” you hollered, exasperated. “That’s exactly the problem. It didn’t matter how small it was before. We always, always made up before the day ended.”
“You mean me?” Mingyu smirked mockingly. “We? There was no ‘we’ when it came to fighting. You never tried to make up, y/n. It was always me. No matter whose fault it was, I was always the first to apologize because you could never lower your goddamned pride!”
“Are you saying—”
“Stop it. Please, just fucking stop!” he snarled, finally losing his patience. His aggression startled you, making you take a few steps back. Mingyu was scowling, his jaw clenched, eyes filled with pain and indignation. He looked away, muttering curses as he ran his hands through his already wild hair.
He let out a big sigh before saying, “You can’t tell me that I didn’t fight because I did! I was there; I never left. Even with the pressure of securing a regular position at work, I tried to be a good partner to you. Even during your unreasonable fits, I stayed. Even when it felt like there was no hope, I fucking stayed! Your decision to break up was the last straw, y/n! It was the last straw! I was…” Mingyu’s voice cracked as he struggled to hold back tears. He tightened his lips and placed his hands on his waist, sighing in frustration as he backed away, trying to calm down. When he glanced back at you, the pained look on his face was still there.
“I was tired, Y/N. I was fucking tired. You had no idea,” he confessed more gently, finally allowing himself to cry. “You had no idea.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands. With tired legs, you sank onto the couch opposite the bed, quietly immersing yourself in your thoughts. You gazed out the window to avoid seeing Mingyu, but his faint sobs and deep breaths kept him in your mind.
Before coming to the chateau, you had asked yourself, "What could go wrong?" So far, nothing major has gone wrong, but this trip has unleashed the deep-seated frustrations you and Mingyu had about your relationship. Four years of unresolved issues had surfaced because neither of you was brave enough to address them. You had both been worried about offending each other, of hurting one of you unintentionally or burdening one another with personal problems. Now, you realize that you hadn’t grown apart because your love had wavered. The things you chose to ignore out of consideration, the tiny mistakes you excused—all these issues had grown into an insurmountable wall that caused you to lose touch.
It wasn’t your fault, nor was it his, and you knew that. You had never blamed anyone for the breakup. But it felt so damning to discover that things could have gone differently—that breaking up wasn’t necessary.
You glanced at Mingyu, still sitting with his face in his hands. Standing up, you wiped your cheeks and took a deep breath before walking towards him. You reached for his shoulder, squeezing it firmly to let him know you were there. You were the one who held the knife that stabbed a hole through both of your hearts. You were also the one who pulled it out when you instigated this confrontation. It was only right for you to be the one to stop yourselves from bleeding out.
“I love you,” you murmured, making sure it was loud enough for him to hear.
Mingyu wiped his face with his hand before looking up at you. “What?”
“I love you, Mingyu,” you repeated, starting to sob again. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that—I… I’m so sorry.”
With a gentle tug, Mingyu pulled you into his arms, locking you in a tight hug. You sobbed uncontrollably, gripping his shirt for dear life. He comforted you with soft shushing sounds, rubbing his hand on your back, and planting a few kisses on the side of your head.
“I love you too, baby. I love you so much,” he whispered, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. “God, I love you so much.”
Still wrapped in his embrace, you heard footsteps thundering outside your door, followed by urgent, hurried knocks that made you jump.
“Guys! We gotta go!”
“Did something happen?” you called back, frantically wiping your face, hoping to hide the evidence of your tears. Mingyu, just as flustered, used his shirt to dry his own face. He even helped fix your messed-up hair with his big, panicky hands.
And then you pushed the door open, revealing a shaken Daniel who announced, “Clair’s water just broke.”
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You stood outside the nursery, watching your niece behind the big glass window. There is a rush of emotions overwhelming you and it felt like your heart expanded with an intense, almost indescribable love. You gazed at the tiny, delicate features of the baby while Mingyu stood next to you, holding your hand and cooing at the sleeping child.
You can feel a sense of wonder and awe, marveling at the miracle of your niece’s arrival, Alyssa. Everyone thought she was Alfred the whole time. Turns out she was an Alyssa. Your sister said this baby is this year’s plot twist, a Christmas miracle. This was good to know because you had initially thought the plot twist that would shock your entire family was the fact that you and Mingyu were no longer dating.
“I don’t think I would ever have kids,” you told Mingyu on the drive back to the chateau.
He seemed surprised by your admission. “Why not?”
“I don’t know. It’s just a feeling. I don’t see motherhood as something I would be doing in the future. I think the closest I can be to being one is as an aunt. I have enough nieces and nephews anyway.”
“Motherhood seemed like a huge responsibility too,” Mingyu affirmed, smiling.
“It does. I mean, I might change my mind in the future, but right now? No, not for me,” you added, glancing at Mingyu in the driver’s seat. “What about you?”
“Well, I love kids.”
You smiled fondly. “I can see that.”
“Yeah. And I would love to have one of my own in the future. Maybe more.”
Mingyu’s smile lingered, his eyes gleaming at the thought of having his own children. You found yourself drifting into a daydream, imagining a future where the two of you ended up together, married, and living in a home filled with love and happiness. You painted a picture of a beautiful family, mirroring some of your own family values, and traditions. You would spend holidays at the chateau, celebrate your wins as a family, treat each other with respect and consideration. He’d be a loving husband, and you a supportive wife.
Children? Yes, there were children in this picture. But when you thought about yourself, you still couldn’t find the desire to have kids. Maybe you’d change your mind someday; maybe you wouldn’t. The thought of motherhood felt so distant. As much as you adored your nieces and nephews, you couldn’t see yourself stepping into a maternal role. Then again, there is no guarantee that you’d end up marrying Mingyu in the first place. This is all just wishful thinking.
You were pulled out of your daydream by the sound of Mingyu’s phone ringing. Reaching into the compartment, you carefully handed it to him.
“Can you answer it for me?” he asked, keeping his hands on the steering wheel.
The caller ID read ‘Mina,’ accompanied by a photo of the woman you’d seen him meet at a cafe. Your mind raced with questions, but you tapped the answer button and held the phone to his ear.
“Mingyu! Merry Christmas! How are you?” Her voice was bright and melodic.
“I’m well, Mina. Merry Christmas to you too,” Mingyu replied, glancing at you briefly.
“I have some good news!” she exclaimed.
A flicker of hesitation crossed Mingyu’s face. “Uh… Now’s not a good time.”
“Oh, this won’t take long. I just had to share this with you!” she persisted, followed by the sound of shuffling papers. “Welcome to XYZ Corporation!”
The sound of party poppers and Mina’s cheerful laughter filled the car. Mingyu smiled, though he still seemed a bit uneasy.
“That’s amazing. Thank you, Mina,” he said.
“You did great. They’ll email you after the holidays to confirm your employment and discuss your relocation. Just stay tuned for that, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Great. I won’t take up too much of your time then. I’ll see you soon. Happy holidays!”
The car was quiet after that call; painfully quiet. Mingyu is not saying anything, and you’re stuck trying to process the new information you got from that phone call. Even after the car has stopped, neither of you made a move to get off.
“Babe,” Mingyu prompted, reaching for your hand that was sitting on your lap.
“What was that?” was the first thing you asked.
“It was Mina Choi. She works at XYZ.”
“No. Not her,” you insisted, shaking your head. “XYZ Corporation? That’s in Seoul, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“And you’re gonna be working there?”
Mingyu took a deep breath before responding. “Not yet. I got recruited last month so I applied and apparently, I got the job.”
“Oh,” you blurted, feeling lost so you just stared at your lap. “That’s great. XYZ is a big company. I’ve heard of them.”
He smiled contently, sighing. “Yeah, it is. I got a full contract too.”
“So you’re moving back to Korea?”
Mingyu’s silence spoke volumes. You let out a deep sigh, trying to muster a supportive smile, even though your heart felt heavy. “Congratulations, Gyu.”
“Baby—”
You pushed the car door open and walked briskly towards the chateau. You walked faster, almost running, eager to reach your bedroom as soon as possible and hide. But Mingyu was following closely behind, chasing you quietly. You passed by the halls, eyes blurring as your mind raced faster. You passed by your family members gathered at the great hall, their attentions immediately pointing at you the moment you walked in.
“Oh, you’re back! How’s Blair?” Sydney asked but you ignored her, going straight up the staircase without looking back, your heavy and urgent footsteps echoing through the entire hall.
Mingyu answered for you, his voice calm despite the tension. “Blair is doing great, Syd. They’ll be home in the morning.”
Your bedroom was quiet and cozy, and you could see the evidences of the warmth that engulfed this entire space just a few hours ago. Realizing that you’re about to lose it for the second time, your chest tightened with heartache while you ignored the stinging on your eyelids. Mingyu arrived sooner, shutting the door gently behind him.
You spun around to face him, arms crossed over your chest. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
Mingyu took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t want to ruin our weekend.”
“Ruin it? Mingyu, you’re leaving for Seoul! How is that not a big deal?” you said, voice trembling with a mix of frustration and sorrow.
“Baby, let’s calm down for a second, alright,” he replied softly, reaching to hold your shoulders.
His gentle squeezes and the comforting look in his eyes steadied your heartbeat. You let him lock you in his embrace as you swallowed the lump in your throat.
“I didn’t hear from them for a while so I didn’t think I’d get the job,” he confessed as he rubbed soothing circles on your back. “I only found out today.”
“But we’ve only just got back together,” you moped, sobbing against his shirt.
“I know. It sucks for me too.”
You couldn’t even begin to describe how much you regret everything. Instead of breaking up, you should have just tried to fix things. You should have just talked about it. That way, you wouldn’t have lost those last few weeks with him. You would have made the most out of your time together. Now, it feels like you’re right back where you started, but worse.
Mingyu lifted your chin, the pain on his face evident upon seeing the tears streaming down your face. "I’m so sorry.”
Even if you wanted him to, Mingyu would never offer to stay. He would never pass up such a big career opportunity, and you wouldn’t have the heart to ask him to give it up. He had studied hard for years and worked tirelessly to deserve the opportunities that are coming his way. Not to mention this will be his chance to return home after being away for so long. You couldn’t take that from him; you wouldn’t be the one to hold him back.
“I’m genuinely happy for you, Mingyu. Really, I am. But this all just feels so… unfair.”
“I know,” he whispered, his own tears finally falling. “I know, and I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
As you stood there, your mind raced through all the moments you'd shared. The laughter, the intimate conversations, the quiet moments of simply being together. All of it seemed so cruelly short-lived now, overshadowed by the inevitable. Despite your newly rediscovered love, you knew you weren’t prepared to move across the world for someone you weren’t sure you’d end up marrying. The internal conflict weighed heavily on you, a mix of pride for his achievements and sadness for the distance that would soon separate you.
Your thoughts wandered to the future, a future you had briefly allowed yourself to imagine with him. A home filled with love and happiness, the possibility of children, growing old together. It all seemed like a beautiful dream that was slipping away. It’s probably for the best. The picture you tried to paint was blurry anyway, so maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
Silence enveloped the room as you both stood there, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily between you. Finally, Mingyu spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper. “I love you, y/n.”
You looked up at him, your heart breaking all over again. “I love you too, Gyu.”
He took a deep breath, hesitating before gently cupping your face in his hands. “We’ll figure it out. Somehow, we will.”
“I know.”
As you watched Mingyu kiss your forehead, lingering for a moment as if trying to memorize the feel of you, your mind screamed at the unfairness of it all. You wondered how many more times you’d have to say goodbye to someone you loved, and how many more pieces your heart could break into before it was beyond repair.
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On Tuesday morning, you drove out of the chateau after saying goodbye to your family. In the end, you never got to fulfill the deal you made with Mingyu which was to tell everyone the truth before you head back to the city. You felt that it would be unnecessary; you got back together after all.
The drive was filled with a comfortable silence, occasional glances, and small smiles. You slept most of the ride like you always did. Then you spent the next few days with Mingyu, doing everything and anything together. You went on dates to your favorite spots—the little café where you had your first date, the park where you spent lazy afternoons, and all the places you loved to go to that he wouldn’t be able to see for a long time. Each outing was a surge of nostalgia and making new memories.
He also moved out of his apartment early to spend his last week with you, so not only did you see him every day, but you were with him every second of the day. Two days before his departure, you headed up to the chateau so he could say goodbye to everyone properly. Then you held a small party with your closest friends to celebrate a milestone in Mingyu’s career and wish him good luck.
It was needless to say neither of you held yourselves back, especially when it came to your desires. You lost more than a month together, and it would stretch back far longer if one were to consider the time when your relationship was rocky. You had a lot of conversations with Mingyu, opening up to each other more than you’ve ever done in the last four years together. He told you about his aspirations, and you told him about your plans from here on out.
“I really wish we could have more time,” he told you while you lay in your bed, warm and cozy under the sheets. Your bodies were flushed against each other, and you could tell you still smelled like him.
“Me too,” you confessed, nuzzling on his chest like you’re not already glued to him. “I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow.”
Mingyu sighed heavily. “That’s okay. If it’s ours, it will find its way back to us.”
You chuckled, propping yourself so you could frown at him. “That’s just another way of saying: if it’s meant to be, it will be.”
“I know,” he grinned and then kissed the tip of your nose.
“You’re silly.”
You spent the past days laughing and making each other happy. Neither of you has shown any sadness or shed a tear for the inevitable, although that did not mean it wasn’t sad. It was painful, but it was a familiar kind of pain, one you had been bracing yourself for since the moment he received that phone call from Mina. Yet, no amount of preparation could fully shield you from the reality of that moment.
There was a raw, undeniable hurt in knowing that someone you loved so deeply was leaving. The countless memories you had built together played like a silent movie in your mind—each scene was a reminder of what you were about to lose. Your laughter, the quiet moments of comfort, the shared dreams, and even the setbacks that made you stronger—all of it now leaves a bittersweet taste in your mouth.
“You know, this is the warmest bed I’ve ever known,” you confessed, laying back down.
“Like, literally or?”
You giggled, closing your eyes as you melted into his warmth. “You made it warm.”
“Well, you did give me a bed to lie on. I did my best to make it warm.”
You opened your eyes and scowled, confused. “Like, literally?”
“No,” he laughed, his chest vibrating. And the night stretched on with more of your laughter and conversations.
The morning of Mingyu’s departure arrived too quickly. You both sat in the living room, your head on his chest while he hugged you tightly. Neither of you was speaking, just quietly passing the time in each other’s arms. His suitcase was by the door, and every tick of the clock seemed louder than usual.
“Are you ready to go?” Mingyu asked gently, his eyes searching yours.
You looked away, unable to meet his gaze. “I said I’m not going.”
“I know. I was just trying to see if you changed your mind,” he chimed, his thumb rubbing your shoulder.
You buried your face in his chest and tightened your arms around his torso. “I don’t like it. It’s too sad.”
He hummed in understanding. “I get it. It’s hard for me too.” He stood up and hugged you tightly, his warmth enveloping you. “I’ll call you as soon as I land, okay?”
You nodded against his chest, feeling the tears welling up. “Okay.”
Mingyu kissed the top of your head, holding you for a few more seconds before pulling away. “Take care of yourself,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
“You too,” you replied, watching as he picked up his suitcase and walked out the door. The sound of the door closing felt like a heartbreaking note.
For a few minutes, you stood there in the deafening silence, your heart aching with the weight of the goodbye. The thought of not seeing him off began to gnaw at you, each moment passing making you feel worse. You knew that if you didn’t go, you would regret it forever.
Without giving yourself time to second-guess, you grabbed your phone and ran out the door, not bothering to lock it behind you.
“Taxi!” you yelled at the first taxi you saw on the street, your hand flapping wildly in the air as you beckoned for it. “Airport. And please be quick!”
The traffic was mercifully light, but every red light felt like an eternity. You tapped your fingers nervously on your knee, willing the lights to change faster.
“Late for a flight?” the taxi driver asked but you were too immersed in your thoughts to hear it clearly.
“Sorry?” you asked stupidly.
“No luggage,” he noted. “Chasing a lover, I see.”
You chuckled nervously, eyes darting from the driver to the red light flashing up ahead. “Does it happen a lot?”
“No, not really. It’s rarer than you would expect,” the man replied spiritedly. “And it’s beautiful each time you see one.”
He didn’t chat much, and it was like he could also feel the urgency of your situation because as soon as he could, he sped through the highways and assured you that everything would be alright. When you finally reached the airport, you hastily paid your fare and ran towards the terminal, your heart pounding in your chest.
You scanned the crowds frantically, hoping you weren’t too late. Then, you spotted him at the security checkpoint, just about to hand over his boarding pass.
"Kim Mingyu!" you shouted, your voice echoing in the bustling terminal.
He turned around, eyes wide with surprise. You pushed through the crowd, running up to him while waving your hand. Mingyu left the queue immediately, meeting you halfway. When you reached him, you were breathless, both from the run and the emotions. He didn’t waste any time and pulled you into a tight embrace.
When you parted, you laughed shyly, not looking him in the eyes out of embarrassment.
“Wow, I almost didn’t catch you,” you told him, looking at the queue of people boarding the gate.
Mingyu’s expression was soft and loving as he tucked a few strands of your hair to the back of your ear. “I’m so glad you came.”
“Yeah. I’m so glad I did,” you chuckled, moving closer to hug him again. You stared at his face, trying to memorize it before he leaves and your vision of him becomes limited to a phone’s screen only.
“I thought you don’t like it?” he asked, arms wrapped around your waist and enjoying the way you were staring at him with loving eyes.
“I don’t,” you admitted, rolling your eyes. “But I’ll make an exception for you.”
“Just tell me you’re gonna miss me and be done with it.”
“I’m gonna miss you, Mingyu.”
Mingyu laughed heartily, pleasantly surprised by your admission. “See. How hard was that?”
“Not hard at all because it’s true,” you shrugged.
He cupped your face in his hands, his eyes sparkling with affection. “I’m gonna miss you too, baby. A lot.”
“You better,” you said nonchalantly, masking the yearning in your heart. “I love you, okay?”
He nodded. “I love you.”
The announcement for his flight boarding echoed through the terminal, and Mingyu sighed, knowing it was time to go. He kissed you deeply, pouring all his love and emotion into that one kiss. Then he pulled you into a tight embrace again, neither of you wanting to let go. 
“Take care of yourself,” he murmured into your hair.
“You too,” you replied, tears streaming down your face. You couldn’t help it. When Mingyu saw that, you recognized the slight flicker of hesitation on his face. “Go, before I change my mind and chain you to my bedpost.”
“See you soon, y/n.”
“See you soon, Mingyu.”
With one last kiss, he turned and walked towards the gate, pausing to look back at you one more time. You watched as he disappeared from sight, a mix of sadness and hope filling your heart. You took a deep breath, letting the cool air of the terminal fill your lungs. As you exhaled, you felt a sense of calm wash over you. You can’t control the future, but you can choose how to face it.
Acceptance was not about letting go of the pain but about understanding that it was part of the journey. You allowed yourself to feel every emotion, knowing that it was okay to hurt, okay to miss him, and okay to hope for a future where your paths would cross again.
Days passed in the blink of an eye. You got busy working on the establishment of your interior design office. You haven’t even officially established your office yet but inquiries are already pouring in thanks to your work on Daphne’s boutique. Sure, you had help from your trust fund and your first investor was your father, but why would you shy away from the privilege you were born with when you can flourish with it?
“Ma'am, where do you want this couch to be?” asked the helpers as they hauled a long couch into the office space.
“Over there by that corner, please. And the rest of it will be placed there too,” you instructed just as you were fishing your phone from your bag.
You opened the message from Mingyu and saw that he had sent you a picture. It was of him and an abstract painting hanging on the wall of his Seoul apartment– the one you sent him a few days ago.
MG: Rate my interior design capability. you: 7/10. Nice spot but it’s upside down, Mr Kim. MG: LOL okay will fix it when i get back. i'm at work now. i miss you! xx
A smile crept up your lips as you typed a reply.
you: Miss you! Good luck!
Not everyone has to end up with the greatest love of their life. But you do wish you would end up with yours— that somehow, despite the massive population of the earth, Mingyu is your greatest love; your end game. Maybe he is, or perhaps he’s not. Who knows? Right now, you're both content living your days, doing what makes you happy. You no longer ache for him too much, although you miss him a lot every day. You were pretty convinced that you missed it only because you were used to it. Then again, who knows for sure?
As you set your phone down, you felt hopeful and optimistic. Your story with Mingyu wasn’t over; it was simply evolving. And in that evolution, you found strength, hope, and a future full of possibilities.
[fin]
208 notes · View notes
beersangel · 2 days
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priorities ₊˚⊹♡
‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡
summary: matt gets busy with work and forgets his priorities, leaving his gf, y/n, feeling lonely and sad.
warnings: angsttttt :(
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Matt Sturniolo had always been a man with ambition, his mind constantly buzzing with ideas and projects for not only his and his brothers’ channel but also his personal project. But lately, his work had consumed him entirely, leaving little room for anything else, especially his girlfriend, Y/N.
Y/N had been patient, understanding the demands of Matt's career. But as hours turned into days, and days into weeks of him barely talking to her, she found herself feeling neglected and lonely. The late nights filming, the canceled plans, the missed calls—it all added up, chipping away at the foundation of their relationship.
One evening, as Y/N sat alone in her apartment, staring at her phone, frustration boiled over into tears. She clicked on her boyfriend’s contact, the pircture of him sleeping in her arms popping up on her phone, making her sigh with tears streaming down with face, she wiped them and took a deep breath, clicking on the “call” button, a few rings later he finally picked up the phone.
"Hey," he said, his tone lacking its usual warmth.
"Matt, we need to talk," Y/N said, trying to keep her voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions inside her.
There was a pause on the other end of the line before Matt sighed heavily. "Can it wait? I'm in the middle of something important."
Y/N felt a pang of hurt at his dismissive tone. "No, Matt, it can't wait. This is important too."
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Matt's voice softened slightly, the term of endearment making her miss him even more but she could still sense the impatience in his tone.
"I miss you," Y/N sniffles, her voice trembling with emotion. "I miss us. It feels like you're always too busy for me, like I'm not even a priority anymore."
Another pause, longer this time. Y/N could almost hear the gears turning in Matt's mind as he searched for the right words to say.
"I'm sorry, Y/N," he said finally, his voice tinged with frustration. "I've just been swamped with filming and working on my project lately. You know how important this is to me."
Y/N felt her frustration bubbling to the surface. "I understand that, Matt, I really do. But that doesn't mean you can just ignore me whenever it's convenient for you. I need you too."
Matt let out a sigh, his tone defensive. "I'm not ignoring you, Y/N. I'm just trying to juggle everything at once. It's not easy, you know."
Y/N felt a surge of anger. "I'm not asking for much, Matt. I just want to feel like I matter to you, like you actually want to spend time with me."
The conversation escalated into a heated argument, accusations flying back and forth as they both struggled to make themselves heard over the phone. Y/N's frustration increased with each passing second, her voice rising in pitch as she tried to convey the depth of her hurt and disappointment until she just couldn't take it anymore.
“if it’s going to keep being like this matt, then I’m not sure we could keep doing this anymore” y/n finalized, her heart thudding in her chest, she couldn’t believe what she had just said, but she couldn’t hold it in anymore, she had to say it.
silence greeted her from the other line.
With a choked sob, she hung up the phone, feeling utterly defeated, her chest felt constricted, as if something was sucking all the air out of her, she felt like she already lost him.
Alone in her apartment, Y/N crumbled. The weight of her emotions pressed down on her chest, suffocating her with a sense of loss and longing. She buried her face in her hands, tears flowing freely as she allowed herself to feel the depth of her pain.
10 minutes later, there was a knock on the door, startling her out of her thoughts. She hesitated, wondering who could be there at this hour. When she peered through the peephole, her heart skipped a beat.
It was him.
Y/N's eyes widened in surprise as she opened the door, her cheeks stained with tears. Matt's expression was one of guilt and desperation as he took in her tear-streaked face.
“don’t break up with me” he almost whispered. “I’ve been such a fucking idiot please don’t leave me” he said shakily, his chest rising and falling in heavy breaths.
her eyes welled with tears as she looked up at him, not knowing what to say.
"Oh, baby.." he murmured, stepping forward and reaching out to cup her face in his hands. "I'm so so sorry." he apologized, his thumbs swiping at the tears falling from her beautiful eyes.
Y/N felt a rush of conflicting emotions, she wanted to push his hands away, to scream at him and tell him to get out but every violent thought seemed to disappear when Matt pulled her into his arms, his embrace warm and comforting. Her arms stayed at her sides, she wanted to stay angry, to make him understand the hurt he had caused, but she also craved the familiarity of his touch, the reassurance of his presence.
As Matt kissed her forehead repeatedly, whispering apologies in a shaky voice, Y/N felt her resolve crumbling. She buried her face in his chest, clinging to him as if afraid he might disappear again.
Finally, Matt led her to the couch, settling her onto his lap as he continued to shower her tear stained cheeks with gentle kisses.
"I'm so sorry, Y/N," Matt said, his voice thick with emotion. "I've been so caught up in work that I forgot what truly matters. you don’t deserve this, you don’t deserve to be treated this way, god I am so fucking stupid for hurting you like this but I promise you, from now on, you will always come first. I'll never let this happen again, please forgive me.”
Y/N felt a surge of hope as she listened to Matt's words, feeling the weight of resentment lifting from her chest. She leaned her forehead against his, her eyes closing as she softly nodded.
“can I kiss you?” he whispered gently, his fingers slowly tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear as he gazes into her eyes.
“yes” she softly spoke, her eyes flitting between his as she breathed out shakily.
Matt leaned in, barely grazing her lips with his own, feeling her gentle response as she leaned in closer, her hand finding its place on his chest as he softly pressed his lips to hers, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.
it was a kiss of reassurance and consolation, they both needed it, craved it from one another.
they softly pulled away, resting their foreheads against each other.
“I love you so fucking much and I am so fucking sorry” he apologizes again, his voice heavy with guilt.
y/n moves to rest her chin on his shoulder as her arms go around his waist, squeezing him to her.
“I love you too” she says, kissing his shoulder before burying her face into the familiar spot between his neck and collarbone, inhaling softly as he drew small patterns on her back.
In that moment, as they held each other close, she felt a sense of peace wash over her, knowing that no matter what, they would always find their way back to each other.
° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .
author’s note: I looooove writing angst I love it !!!!
129 notes · View notes
lovely-peace · 21 hours
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Lovely?
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Summary: You don't like the marauders. You don't talk and don't even look at them. But as you visit your friend in the hospital wing you encounter a certain boy with brown hair, scars and this lovely eyes.
Pairing: Remus Lupin x Gryffindor!reader
Warnings: Low self esteem, past bullying?, This is no bully! Marauders fic!!
Part 1
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"Hey, do you want to study for Transfiguration together?"
A normal day. It should have been. But ever since I was asked who I would date, I've been hearing giggles and whispers. And now James is standing in front of Amy and me. Ready to finish something. I don't know what yet, but it's going to hurt.
Because it will be a joke of theirs.
"Why should we?" I go straight on the offensive. Leave fears behind and intimidate them.
Sirius, who was standing behind James, looked to the side to stifle a laugh. That kind of upset me.
"Well, in the last lesson you had... We thought we could help each other."
Oh. My mistake. That they laughed about. Learning. Together. Actually, they just want to smile at my stupidity. SMILE.
"Amy doesn't even have Transfiguration." I hissed, looking the boy in front of me in the eye for the first time. He looked almost uncomfortable.
This boy I rode to Hogwarts with in the same wagon. And who now feels too cool to remember my name. I'm just a joke that you crack a few times and then forget.
"Which is why, unfortunately, I have to say goodbye and go upstairs. Important subjects are waiting for me!" Amy tapped my shoulder and I was about to thank her inwardly until- "That's why I'm leaving this sweetie here with you, okay?"
Peter looked up from his book for the first time. He was sitting on the couch by the fire.
In the common room of Gryffindor, it was not uncommon for people to fight over this space. Peter snatched it early enough so that Remus, who looked very ill that morning, just sat on the chair at the table next to it.
Peter was probably just as disappointed that Amy left as I was, if I interpreted his expression correctly.
"Amy," I whispered to her, "what are you doing?"
She raised her eyebrows, rolled her eyes and sighed briefly. And I understood. She wanted me to give them a chance.
I looked at her with begging eyes and screamed at her in my mind not to leave me here alone.
"So...?" James stood there like a boy waiting for his mother's permission.
And I wasn't going to give it to him.
"Sorry, Jarry, but I was planning on studying for other subjects with Amy today. So if you'll excuse us." What did I just say?
"Oo-," James looked to his friends while Sirius laughed out loud, "-okay?"
I didn't look at Amy and just stomped faree upstairs to our room.
Amy followed me, but not without letting out a sigh of disappointment.
~~
"What was that about?" My voice was a little louder than usual. "I thought we agreed that we didn't like the four of them?"
Amy groaned and threw herself on her bed. "I never said that. I meant that they can be assholes sometimes, that's all."
"But they just were assholes?"
I also sat down on my bed and looked out of the window. The Hufflepuff team was playing quidditch.
"How were they assholes in any way, please? James just asked us if we wanted to study with them in the common room."
I could hear Amy starting to get angry.
"You know what he meant. He only asked because I said something completely stupid in Transfiguration the day before yesterday and everyone had a laugh. And now he wanted to hear more of it."
Amy had gone quiet. Then she snorted loudly. "Jesus Christ."
"What?!" As I turned around, two piercing eyes looked into me.
"Can you please stop painting the devil on the wall for once? You sound worse than Cassandra!"
Now I snorted.
But Amy wasn't finished yet. "You're so afraid of being ridiculed that you're becoming an asshole yourself!"
The sun was setting. And the moon slowly rose.
"Why are you so sure that the four of them are making fun of you?"
I hated that tears were welling up in my eyes. "That's how it always is! Suddenly all these people are nice to you, who didn't even know who you were before, to lure you into safety, but in reality they're blaspheming and laughing at you. It's always like that!"
Amy shook her head.
"No, it's just always like that in your head. There's a chance that these people just want to get to know you better."
Amy took her DADA textbook and turned to the other wall. "To exclude this opportunity from the outset is not only a mistake, but also a missed opportunity to make new friends."
I looked up at the full moon. I felt as if he was out there suffering with me.
You understand me, don't you?
Probably not.
~~
The next morning, Amy was still mad at me. I couldn't blame her. What I said already sounded pathetic.
But so far it had always been the truth.
It was unusually quiet at breakfast. Amy ate almost nothing and hurried to her tray.
We had different subjects at the beginning of the day, but at lunch Amy was nowhere to be seen. There were whispers again and I wanted to scream.
And it was only in charms that I was told she had been taken to the hospital wing. 
That was not uncommon for Amy. Amy was very fragile. Amy always put on a very strong front, also to help me. But the truth was that stress really affected her and at one point she almost fell over sick.
Was it because of our argument? I don't know. But I certainly felt guilty.
~~
After class, I hurried to the hospital wing and let myself be led to her bed.
She looked almost peaceful as she slept. I carefully sat down next to her and took her hand. She was sweaty and cool at the same time.
Madam Pomfrey explained to me that Amy had been under a lot of stress lately and had eaten something bad. Then she went to the next bed and talked with the visitors there.
Visitors with... familiar voices?!
"Oh, please, you can't expect us to just leave him here alone?" Was that Sirius?
"Yes, I must. You know he needs his rest now. So shoo." Madam Pomfrey sounded a bit annoyed.
"We can stay here quietly!" That was James. Ironically loud.
"No, Mr. Potter, you cannot. So, gentlemen. Out!"
I saw out of the corner of my eye how Madam Pomfrey shooed several people outside. But who was behind the curtain of the bed? Whom were they visiting?
The curtain didn't cover the whole bed. In fact, it was only drawn on my side. Quietly, I got up and tried to get a quick look at the person. I took a cautious step to the side and—
There layed Remus. A pretty battered Remus, wrapped in bandages.
Suddenly, the curtain was pulled back and I stood there as if caught red-handed.
Remus looked at me in surprise. His look was somehow different than usual and I imagined he took a deep breath before he spoke.
"Hi." ... "Hi."
His body was even worse wrapped up than I had seen from the side. He was sitting upright and his upper body was full of bandages. His face also had scratches but his eyes were still so deep-
I stared at him. For far too long.
I quickly sat down next to Amy, who was still asleep.
Remus cleared his throat. "Is Amy very unwell?"
Somehow I wasn't prepared for a conversation with him. Not with one of the four. Not with Remus.
"According to Madam Pomfrey, it's just stress. She just needs to get some rest and then she should feel better." I was almost whispering, my voice was so quiet. Nothing compared to yesterday.
"That's good. I hope she gets better soon. Has anything bad happened?" I looked up at him. His eyes were so gentle, as if he really cared. "Something that's really stressing her out?"
When he noticed my look, he looked away. To my disappointment. "But actually, it's none of my business-"
"We had a fight." Why did I tell him that? "I worried her again."
I looked at Amy. Her face wasn't quite so pale and her hand, which I was holding, wasn't quite so sweaty.
"Oh." Remus' voice was very quiet. As if he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. As if he was worried to say the wrong thing.
"And why are you lying here? What happened to you?" It was only when I looked at him that I realized the question was a bit rude.
"If you want to tell me," I added.
He just sighed and suddenly looked so far away. "It was an accident."
I waited for him to tell me more. He didn't.
It stayed quiet between us for a long time. I could feel his gaze from the side, but somehow it didn't bother me a bit. I almost felt safe.
Suddenly he asked me: "Why did you argue?"
I looked into his eyes and almost wanted to tell him everything. I looked at Amy and borrowed her words. "I was an asshole."
He tilted his head and smiled cautiously. "Somehow I can't imagine that."
I looked at him. He looked at me.
"Why?"
"Well, you... It's not like you at all."
I continued to look at him. He continued to look at me.
"What do you mean?"
"You're usually so... Lovely."
Lovely? He saying I was lovely?
I had to laugh. He looked away.
"Me? You don't know me then." I giggled softly. "Besides, anyone can be an asshole, no matter how sweet the person still is."
He looked outside. The moon was up. He had that look again. "Yeah, I guess you're right about that."
It was quiet again after that. I heard soft footsteps outside and my anxiety wanted me to leave. So I stood up and was about to say goodbye to Remus as he-
"I want to know."
"What?"
He suddenly looked into my eyes so intensely that I felt dizzy.
"I want to know you properly."
I didn't know what to say and just looked at him as he continued.
"I want to know what goes through your mind when you see me us."
His gaze moved away from me. "I want to know why you hate us so much."
My whole world suddenly spun and I was in the middle of it. What was he saying? What did he mean, why was he even talking to me? What was going on here, why was he even here? And why did he call me lovely? What did he mean?
I wanted to say something. Something about... What actually?
Somehow I couldn't get anything out of me and was stuck in this spiral of trying to say something and figure out what to say. I opened my mouth, as-
"Remus, we're here!" James' voice tried to sound quiet but was unmistakable. Just like the footsteps of the two boys walking towards his bed.
When I saw them, so many things came back to me. Why I didn't talk to Remus.
"Are you feeling better? Remus -" Sirius faltered when he saw me. He looked between me and Remus and then grinned at me.
"Oh hello."
He turned to James now and 'whispered' to him. "Prongs, let's go and give these two some time to themselves-"
Remus cleared his throat and pointed at Amy who was lying next to me. Sirius fell silent.
"I'd better go now." I said in a very quiet voice again. James and Sirius even left me alone, but I heard their voices before I closed the door behind me.
"So, did she talk to you?" "What was going on with her?" "Is there something-"
The door slammed behind me and my head seemed to explode with questions.
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amoremainslayer · 20 hours
Note
Oh imagine this!
You and Ricky are in an FWB type relationship. But from the start you loved Ricky and hoped he had the same feelings for you... One day you dared to express your feelings while talking to him alone in the school bathroom and also said sorry. "Rui, I'm sorry for crossing the line, I couldn't control my love for you:(". You said that while holding his slender fingers tightly as if afraid he would really leave you.
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Fingers Intertwined
Pairing : Shen ricky x fem!reader
Genre: Angst, smut
Warnings: Sad sex, fwb, semi-public sex.
A/N: I didn't know what exactly you wanted so i just mixed angst with smut, hope thats alright. Its barely any smut tho😭😭
The sound of the door falling into the lock echoed through the room, but the blackhaired guy infront of you was the only thing you could think about. He seemed perfect, atleast to you. You admired the way his hair fell down his pale skin perfectly, his sharp nose and his deep eyes.
His demeanor, way of loving, laughing or hating made you admire him. It awakened a deep sense of longing in you, that you wished didn't exist. Because to him, you were mere lust. A soulless doll to fulfill his desires. You were like a forbidden froot, something so desireable yet dangerous, that it had to be kept secret.
You knew that what the two of you had going on, was a mere agreement to fulfill eachothers lust. To let go of the stress that builds up because of school and work. You knew that after you'd spend endless nights together, acting like lovers and worshipping eachothers body's, you'd still be just friends.
Yet deep in you, there was hope. Hope that all those sweet words he coaxed you with were not just meanless words. That the way he cared for you, touched you and made you feel like the most loved person, wasn't just because he wanted your body.
You hoped, that what he desired wasn't the monotonous shell you lived in, but your beating heart. The heart, that was beating for him.
"Why did you call me?" His deep voice pulled you out of your trance and you blinked a couple of times. Thinking about confessing always seemed so easy, but with Ricky now standing infront of you, it felt like your throat was tied up.
"I.." You trailed off, eyes watching as his slender statue leaned against the sink "I want to break off our agreement" You said, looking into his eyes in hope of seeing any kind of reaction.
His face remained indifferent, but you could see confusion in his eyes. He tilted his head softly "Why?" He spoke as he crossed his arms "Are you dating again?"
You could've sworn a hint of jealousy was laced between his words, but a look at his cold face left you doubting that. You gulped, your eyes flickering to the ground.
"No I.. I broke the rule" You whispered, barely audible to Ricky's ear. He raised a single eyebrow, pushing himself off the sink while staring down at you. Both of you knew what it meant, how could anyone of you ever forget?
The most important rule in your agreement ; Never, and absolutely never, fall in love with eachother. It was something the two of you have always taken alot of worth in.
It seemed so easy in the beginning. So easy to fuck deep into the night, all the stress fading into pleasure. But maybe it became harder, when those rough fucks became intimate love making. When those kisses didn't feel worthless anymore.
You blinked a couple of times, feeling tears well up your eyes "Rui I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to" You began stuttering, your hand searching for his slender fingers. You held onto them, panic rising up in your chest as the feeling of loosing him dawned on you.
You were too weak to look into his eyes, the fear of rejection leaving you staring at the floor. Only whine you felt his index finger beneath your chin, you looked up.
His demeanor was cold, but his eyes were full of emotion. Emotions you've never seen on him. It felt wrong, seeing the pity in his eyes. You wanted them to look at you like you were his one and only love, not like someone he pitys.
"You know I could never love you" He whispered, his breath hitting your cheek. Your heart ached at those words, the horrifying realization lingering deep in your veins. You knew he was right, how could he ever love someone like you?
And even if he did, it would've never worked out, right? The two of you were too different in each and every aspect of your existence.
He began kissing the tears of your cheeks, sadness lingering in the walls of the bathroom. You sobbed silently, fingers gripping onto his clothes like he was the last thing holding you on earth.
"It hurts" You whispered while your voice displayed pure vunerability and pain. His hands wandered to your waist, caressing it slowly as he spread his kissed down to your neck.
"It'll stop eventually love" He mumbled. There it was again, those loving words that lead you on. Were you really just a game to him? A doll he could play with until he leaves her in the corner of his room?
His pale fingers swiftly wandered beneath your skin, stroking along the fabric of your panties. Soft whimpers left your lips, your cheeks still stained with your tears.
"I'm sorry I couldn't control my love for you.." You mumbled, your body aching to be in his. He shushed you, slowly entering you with your fingers.
A moan left your lips as you cried again. Pain and pity filled your body. The feeling of your heart breaking in small peaces leaving your body pained. But you also felt pity. Pity for yourself, just as Ricky pitied you.
You managed to fall in love with a guy who would never love you back, leading you on. You knew what kind of pain was ahead of you. You knew that he wasn't good for you. Yet you were here, letting him use your body again after confessing your love to him.
You pitied yourself, but you were in love. And people in love, do the most horrifying things merely because their heart aches to be held by a certain person.
His finger stroked along your clit softly, luring gentle moans out of your mouth. You gripped onto his shoulders, letting your forehead rest in the crook of his neck as your tears stained his shirt.
With one last stroke thrust of his fingers, and one last stroke along your clit you finally came, reaching your high as a vunerable moan escaped your lips.
It would be the last one to be lurked out by Ricky, both of you knew that. Both of you knew that after this, you'd never talk again. Both of you knew that after this, he'd be living his life like normal, while you'd start your journey on healing.
He pulled his hand out of your pantie, his fingers wandering to your mouth to let you taste yourself. The sight of his sharp eyes looking down at you with such a caring, yet indifferent look confused you.
But what did you expect, Ricky wasn't someone to reveal his true emotions easily. He stroked your head softly, gazing into your eyes one last time.
"Don't hurt too much" He whispered, it made you believe he actually cared for you, but you knew it were empty words. With that he left you alone, your body leaning against the sink as you shattered completely.
Maybe it was meant to be, for him to break your heart and use you for the mere reason of lust. Maybe it was something to learn from, to move on from and use wisely in the future. But right now, it seemed like the only thing that could help you heal were his hands in yours, fingers interwined.
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judesmoonbeauty · 2 days
Text
Fairytale Keeper's Final Assessment SE:
Ellis Twilight’s POV Chapter 1 ཐིཋྀ
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Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do not post my translations elsewhere. Dividers: @/natimiles
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What is happiness?
It’s like the twilight sky, which changes color as soon as it is burned into the eye.
You can't get the same thing again, even though it holds your heart forever and won't let go.
So tomorrow - I will show you more beautiful twilight.
The day after tomorrow and the day after that.
Then, eventually, when you are assured of the best happiness -
(Hmm…..ng…..)
Pale sunlight streamed in through the window and tickled my eyelids.
I open my eyes and stare at her sleeping face with her arms pillowed around me.
(Cute. Looks so comfy, like a little kid.)
Lately, I've been waking up to find Kate next to me more often.
We both have our own rooms, so sometimes we talk about sleeping separately.
However, when it comes time to say goodbye, we just can't leave.
(It's like we forget to leave.)
Kate: Mm……mmm…
(Ah, she woke up.)
Ellis: Good morning, Kate.
Kate: …..Ellis, good morning.
When I kiss Kate’s forehead she laughed like it tickled.
I, I really like it when Kate, who always lives for her life, becomes defenseless.
Ellis: Hey, Kate…..Are you happy now?
She already knows that this question of mine has a special meaning.
Kate: Yeah……I'm happy.
Ellis: How much?
Kate: ……I see.
Kate: I’m still extremely happy though…..
(Oh, she looks like she wants to kiss me.)
When I kissed her again on the lips that I kissed so much last night, Kate blinked her eyes.
Ellis: Would kissing make you happier?
Kate: How did you know what I wanted you to do?
Ellis: Because I love you.
Kate laughs ticklishly again, as I trap her in my arms.
As I hug Kate like a treasure, I think back to what Victor called me to talk about yesterday.
FLASHBACK
Victor: I'm at a loss, should I let her continue as a fairytale keeper? Or-
Victor: That's why as a Crown member, I want to hear your opinions.
Victor: So, here this is for you. This is the fairytale keeper continuation agreement.
Ellis: …………
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Victor: Ellis?
Ellis: Ah, no….
Ellis: I completely forgot that there was a way to quit being a fairy tale teacher.
But that was my mistake, and Kate was only supposed to be a fairytale keeper for a limited time limit.
So this is, an agreement to decide whether to she can continue as a fairytale keeper or to say goodbye.
Ellis: You want me to spend the day with Kate, and sign this if I think she should continue as fairytale keeper.
Ellis: If I think she shouldn’t continue as fairytale keeper then don’t sign it.
It seems like I can decide on my own, but I don't want to do that.
Because Kate’s feelings are more important than anything else.
(But...I never want to let you go.)
FLASHBACK ENDS
Kate can go anywhere.
That's why I don't want you to go anywhere.
(I couldn't get my thoughts together so I couldn't tell you, but I have to tell you today.)
Ellis: Kate.
— A stomach growled. Not mine, but Kate’s.
Kate: Ah, that....
Ellis: Hehe, so cute. Your stomach sounds are cute too.
Kate: ……Don't make fun of me.
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Ellis: I'm not making fun, I really meant it.
Ellis: Kate, the weather is nice today, so let's have brunch outside.
Ellis: Also, there's something I want to talk to you about.
Kate: ...This is my agreement to continue as a fairytale keeper.
When I was full, I told Kate everything.
(Victor said it was a secret, so I'll have to apologize later.)
Then, Kate looked at me with an unwavering expression.
Kate: Ellis, you will stay at Crown forever, right?
Kate: Then I only have one choice…
Ellis: Wait a minute, Kate.
Kate: Ellis?
Ellis: I thought you would say that. Thank you, Kate.
Ellis: Besides, as long as I sign it, everything will have a happy ending.
Ellis: But I want you to choose.
Kate: Me, choose?
Ellis: Remember, you became a fairytale keeper by getting caught up in this.
FLASHBACK
It was the night of usual mission, just after the entirety of Crown had taken care of a certain target, Kate got lost in the
darkness.
William: What’s this? Aren’t you the Robin  I met earlier today?
Kate: Ah…..oh……what?
FLASHBACK ENDS
Ellis: So now I want you to choose for yourself.
It's true that I want to value Kate’s feelings.
However, I have an ulterior motive.
(This will be the final decision, so I want Kate to choose me. Crown and I are best.)
(Being here is the happiest thing for you.)
Kate: All right Ellis, if that's the way you want it.
Ellis: I was wondering how I could make it easier for you to choose.
I suggested that Kate and I spend a day together for the final assessment.
During the day, we’ll go about Crown’s daily routine as usual.
Then from sunset until morning, Kate will live her daily life like she before meeting Crown.
Ellis: I thought it would make it easier to compare the two different lifestyles.
Kate: …..Definitely. It’s a good idea.
Ellis: Yay, I was praised. When should we start?
Kate: I want to prepare mentally, so what about starting tomorrow?
Ellis: Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Let’s start tomorrow.
(Kate, are you worried?)
I won't let go of you Kate, I won't.
(But maybe I'm just a little worried too.)
I hugged Kate's body and the tips of our noses touched.
Ellis: Tomorrow is the time to think about the future. For now, just think about me.
Kate: Ellis….mm..
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And the next day, Kate and I's final fairytale assessment began.
Kate: It’s such nice weather! The weather is perfect, Ellis.
We spread out a picnic blanket and Kate stretches out on it.
(Kate is even more happy and cute when the weather is nice.)
(Ah, that's right.)
Ellis: Kate, can you close your eyes for a moment?
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[Next] [Master List]
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Text
Losing someone can be so beyond words. Here is some advice for losing a FP but it can probably be applied to losing someone in general!
Some things I like to remind myself are:
The feelings are temporary. They will pass. No matter how crushing they may be, you won't feel like this forever. Sometimes it can help to remember that what we're feeling is temporary because when we forget that and think it's how we're going to feel forever, it can make us feel so hopeless. So here's your reminder. This isn't forever.
You survived without them before, and you can do it again. I promise. It doesn't mean it'll be easy but it can help to have the reminder that we existed before then, and survived before them and we can do both of those things again.
Be kind to yourself. You are valid and you are allowed your emotions.
Healing is not linear. Grief isn't linear. And for a lot of us, when we lose our FP, it is something we need to heal from. It is something we grieve about. And it's okay if we feel ourselves doing better for a bit and then falling back. It doesn't mean you've failed or anything like that.
Some things I do:
Note that these are all personal things I do and aren't rules for how you should cope. I'm sure your own list will differ! But maybe my list will inspire you to think of ideas for your own list!
Focus on myself. Even when it's uncomfortable and I don't want to, I focus on my hobbies. I focus on finding new hobbies. Sometimes I make a list of different hobbies I've never tried, and then I go through it and try them at least once to see if I enjoy something. If not, it gets scratched off. These could be new shows, books, activities, etc.
Feel the emotions. Usually not all at once because it's too much, but my instinct is to bury the emotions. To turn my emotions off entirely ((I'm sure others relate to the turning them off thing. It's like a switch I can use). And it's uncomfortable, but sometimes I force myself to feel them. In bits as I can handle it. Allow yourself time to grieve.
Focus on my DBT skills like Urge Surfing for any urges that arise or Radical Acceptance for accepting my feelings.
Come up with a Crisis Plan in case I start to spiral. Here’s my walk through on that.
I diversified my relationships. I think this is an important thing to do. Even if you have a FP currently. Diversifying your relationships to have other people in your support system can be really good.
This is a personal choice, but I cut off all ties. I used to keep screenshots of messages they wrote assuring me they cared and stuff like that. I deleted all screenshots. I also made sure I couldn't look at their profiles and check on them. I made sure their numbers were deleted and anything else.
I like to do nice things for someone else. It's hard sometimes to get there, but there's a feeling I get when I make someone smile or help someone out that makes me feel a bit lighter. It reminds me that I am valuable as I am. This is actually a part of the ACCEPTS skill if you're interested in reading more about that.
Work on forgiving myself. Maybe you don't feel you need this, and that's valid. But I did. I had to learn to forgive myself for not knowing better, for making mistakes, and I always remind myself that I am human. In connection with this, I work on letting go of any regrets I have. It's easier said than done, I know. It's important for me to remember that I can't change the past, so dwelling on any regrets doesn't help me. What I can do is learn from them and do better.
I know it's hard. But it really does get better. I have lost FP's and thought the entire world was ending and that I would never recover. I still think about them sometimes, but it's such a dull ache that I barely notice it. It might always hurt a little, but it will be manageable.
Here are some other coping ideas.
You can do this.
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bensonoliviasstuff · 2 days
Text
“Turning Page”
Final Chapter! “Your love was my turning page”
Bucky Barnes x Fem! Reader
Masterlist for Turning Page
Summary: Once Bucky regained consciousness and was no longer the Winter Soldier, all he missed from the 40s was his wife. But maybe she's closer than he thought.
Warnings: English is NOT my first language, so I'm sorry if there are too many errors. A little bit of angst, memory loss, betrayal, trauma, Insecurities, kidnapping. And the best part: Thanos doesn't exist here
Taglist: @capswife @mostlymarvelgirl @scott-loki-barnes @bxckybxrnes24 @alliw27 @buckys-metal-arm
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Bucky parked the motorcycle and quickly ran into the building, he didn't know where to start looking for you, but the first thing that came to his mind was the experiment base where they found you.
The same base of experiments that kept him imprisoned for so long.
"Doll?" He called, it wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear, But he couldn't resist just calling out to you.
What if by then they had already erased your memory again? What if they had done something worst to you?
Bucky Barnes ran through the dark structure, his heart heavy and his mind in turmoil. He had to find you. Every second without you was unbearable torture. Fear and anger mixed, forming an almost unbearable feeling.
He started to walk through the building, he felt everything inside him burn as he saw the rooms he could never forget.
He headed towards the basement, it was agonizing how he still knew that entire structure like the back of his hand.
He holds tightly to the gun he had brought with him from the compound, kicking some debris that appeared in front of him.
He finally arrived at the laboratory, sighing desperately when he realized that there was no one there.
He was starting to panic, he hadn't panicked like this since the last time Hydra erased his memory.
He needed you, once he had you back he would never be ready to let you go again.
The phone rang and he answered it with shaking hands.
“Barnes, I have a lead for you” said the raspy voice of Sam Wilson on the other end of the line. “We found something.”
Bucky closed his eyes for a moment, a wave of relief mixed with apprehension washing over him.
“Steve called you?” he asked.
“Just because you needed it” he said, Buvky could imagine the smug smile just by hearing his voice.
“Thanks, I'll see you in a minute” he hung up the phone and got ready to leave, but as soon as he reached the door a voice stopped him.
“How long, Winter Soldier”
The nickname made Bucky squirm, dying to punch someone.
He turned back to see Zemo sitting on a chair in a dark corner.
Bucky quickly raised his gun, pointing it at Zemo with hatred. "What are you doing here?"
“You don't want to shoot before hearing what I have to say” He said arrogantly, crossing his arms.
“You don’t want to talk long enough to see me shoot” Bucky replied through clenched teeth.
“I have something important to tell you about Y/N”
Bucky held the gun tighter, his jaw tense “Speak”
Zemo took a deep breath before starting, always with a smile.
“Y/N is not who you think she is”
“Wrong, she is not who YOU think she is, she is my wife.”
“She is a spy, infiltrated”
Bucky's grip on the gun loosened for a moment, but then he tightened his grip even more.
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, his head was ringing, but all he could discern from that ringing were these words: lie, lie, lie
“Initially, she had a clear mission: get close to you, gain your trust, and eventually betray you and the Avengers.” He said, looking deep into Bucky's eyes as he spoke, as if he wanted to see and delight in the pain Bucky would feel. “You didn't find it very weird the way she was rescued so... easily?” He stood up, wanting to examine Bucky's pain more closely. “She was never reluctant... Always kind, always observant” He got closer and closer, a maniacal smile on her face. “Your missions going wrong”
Bucky's world seemed to crumble at those words. But he refused to believe it, anger boiling in his blood.
“You’re lying.” He pushed the gun into Zemo's chest, seeing red with anger.
Zemo slowly shook his head. “I wish it were a lie, but it's not. Her mission changed, that was very frustrating” Zemo rolled his eyes “The famous true love hm? After truly getting to know you, even if she still hadn't remembered you yet, she couldn't follow orders anymore. This put her in a dangerous position. The recent kidnapping was an attempt to bring her back under their control.” Zemo said, watching Bucky carefully to see his reaction "Unfortunately I assume that even if she forgot about you, she would never be able to betray you like we wanted her to do"
Zemo waited for a reaction from Bucky, but all he did was hold the gun tighter, Zemo frowned. “You don't look as hurt as I expected.”
“I forgive her” He said without hesitation. “That was everything you didn’t want to hear, wasn’t it?”
Zemo looked confused “What do you mean? Will you just forgive? Listen to what I’m saying, she was sent by someone who wanted you dead!”
Bucky walked away, running his hands through his hair. The pain of betrayal and the hope of true love fought within him. Finally, he stood up, determined.
He remembered the first real conversation you had, you saying that you 'felt like you should trust him', you did, you abandoned the mission. Now he needed to trust you.
He clung to the feeling that that conversation was true, those words were true, you meant it to him.
“Where is she? ” He said confidently “I will find my wife, if necessary I will make her remember again, and I will forgive her” Bucky said without hesitating in any of his words.
“This is really frustrating, I was expecting a show where you said we could kill her and you wouldn't care anymore” He said, returning to his chair.
Bucky advanced on him, grabbing the collar of his shirt. “Touch a finger on her and you will never have fingers to touch anyone again.”
Zemo laughed “This is entertainment” he sighed, letting go of Bucky “They are taking her to another small town, now they are definitely arriving at the airport” He said, satisfied “You won’t make it in time, but good luck.”
Bucky sighed irritably, running out of the building while shouting into the phone for the team to get to the airport immediately.
He was not willing to lose this battle.
After driving for some time, Bucky finally arrived at the airport, he entered the room looking for any sign of you.
He ran into the hallway of the main gates, trying to spot anyone he recognized.
The airport was crowded with hurried passengers, voices echoing everywhere, the sound of luggage being dragged, and constant announcements over the loudspeakers. Suddenly, a shout broke out in the terminal, until a loud noise caught everyone's attention.
Two men, visibly tense, they were holding a girl who clearly didn't want to be there, her back was turned but Bucky recognized it just by her silhouette.
It was you.
He felt weird seeing you for the first time after finding out about you being a “sleeper cell spy” or something like that, he felt anxious, his stomach felt like it was spinning
Surrounded by curious onlookers and staff trying to maintain order, a man in a black suit, had his jaw clenched and fists closed.
Bucky started to make his way there, Feeling the adrenaline and excitement of seeing you again, but before he took more than five steps he saw Steve and Sam arriving before him.
At least they had listened to Bucky's pleas to move quickly.
The men didn't seem pleased with Steve and Sam being around, and it seemed like they didn't give a shit about the place, they were willing to fight here and now.
The man in the suit was the first to strike, advancing quickly trying to throw a direct punch at Steve, he dodged skillfully, responding with a sidekick that made the man in the suit stagger back, almost knocking over a magazine display. People around quickly stepped back, forming an impromptu circle.
Bucky approached, helping Sam and Steve fight the two men, but his biggest effort was to get to you and get you out of that mess.
The fight continued with quick and precise blows. With each movement, you could hear the muffled sound of impacts and the frightened gasp of the spectators. Steve grabbed the arm of the men, twisting it forcefully and pushing him against a pile of suitcases. The sound of falling luggage echoed through the terminal as the man in the suit struggled to break free.
Suddenly, an airport security team appeared, running toward the commotion. The guards split up, surrounding the fighters. One of them shouted orders, trying to calm the situation. But before they could intervene, the man in the suit broke free with a sudden movement, grabbing a nearby chair and throwing it at Sam
The chair flew through the air, passing dangerously close to a family watching in horror. Sam ducked just in time, but before he could get up, he was pinned down by two guards who brought him to the ground. Steve and the other men tried to resist, but soon they were all under arrest.
Bucky and you were taken too, straight to the airport police station, all detained, but at least Bucky could keep his eyes on you.
He was anxious the whole way to the station, paying close attention to you, you were silent the whole time, he was starting to get worried.
The cops strapped one of you to a chair, leaving to take statements from Steve, Sam and the two men first.
He looked at you and pursed his lips, “Doll?” He tried the nickname, desperately wanting to know if you still remembered him or if they had erased your memory.
You do not answer, You looked at him with glassy eyes, he went into despair, didn't you know who he was?
“I'm…” he starts to say, but your voice comes soon after.
“James” you said calmly, eyes downcast. “You're James Buchanan Barnes”
Bucky he smiled, relieved that you didn't go through any torture while you were with Hydra, He couldn't put into words how happy this made him.
“Bucky, I...” You began, but he interrupted.
“I know” he said softly. “I know you were a spy, but I also know that you didn't remember me, or us, i forgive you, Y/N. We’ll get through this together.” He said sincerely, but you were outraged by it.
“That simple? Do you still trust me? Bucky, I betrayed you, I don’t deserve all this forgiveness, I don’t deserve your trust”
“I know” he repeated “You don't deserve it, but... Swear to God doll, there's no way I can't trust you” He said simply and sincerely “You could stab me a hundred times, it would take a thousand more to make me lose one percent of the love and trust I feel for you”
You looked at him in shock, you would never feel worthy of this forgiveness, yet he loved you and forgave you and all his eyes wanted was to keep looking at you, all his body wanted was to break free from the handcuffs and hold you against him.
Your eyes watered and soon you were crying, “I'm so sorry, Bucky. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“I know” he replied, stroking her hair. “We'll be out of here soon, and we’ll find a way to start over, without secrets this time, promise?”
“I promise”
You felt relieved, you still didn't understand how Bucky could have forgiven you so easily.
In fact, the Avengers didn't understand either.
As soon as you arrived at the complex, Bucky sent you to your room and felt like he needed to be honest with everyone, after all everyone helped you and him, they deserved satisfaction.
Steve was ready to defend you, Clint and Tony were pissed, Bruce was quiet and distressed.
Natasha was silent, sitting in the corner, apparently thinking hard about something.
“Guys, you have to try to understand her side a little, only God knows what they would do to her if she didn’t follow orders, she had no option, she wasn’t in it because she wanted to!” Bucky tried to argue.
“She might not want to be here, but she could have left this mission at any time since she got here” Tony said “She could have told any of us”
“She did, we just didn’t realize.” Natasha spoke out for the first time “I mean, I didn’t notice”
“What haven’t you noticed?” Bruce asked, crossing his arms.
“She told me once, that she constantly dreamed about you” She pointed at Bucky “And about you” she pointed at Steve. “I thought it was her memory trying to make her remember, but now it's very clear that she dreamed of you two because Hydra showed her what the next mission would be like.” Natasha furrowed her eyebrows “I believe she had no choice, and everyone here has been through things that you would do anything to escape.”
Tony sighed, irritated. “Look, I understand that, what I don’t understand is why she never said anything explicitly to all of us, it’s not like we weren’t going to keep her safe here.”
"We did? Hydra invaded and took her, we didn't keep her safe”
“I don't trust her” Clint said, leaning on the couch “She's going to have to climb a lot of steps before she has our trust again, but I'm not going to tell you to send her away, I suppose now that she remembers you she will be a different person, any mistake she makes from now on and I vote to have her away from the compound, everyone in agreement?”
Tony nodded, going to another room, the others agreed and Bucky sighed in relief, running towards his room.
As soon as he arrived, he knocked on the door to enter (the door was closed). He entered the room and saw you lying on the bed playing with the radio.
“They hate me now, don’t they?” you asked apprehensively.
He threw himself on your bed, approaching you with love “They’re just angry, It will pass, and they will forget”
“You should be angry too” You continued fiddling with the radio.
He took the radio from your hands, pulling you into his embrace, and then rolling on top of you on the bed.
“If there’s one thing” he said before snuggling his head into the crook of your neck, making you laugh “What I’ve learned from all this time we’ve spent apart, is that there’s no time to waste, I’m not going to waste time feeling angry at my lovely wife.”
That afternoon was filled with laughter, you laughed, played and, most importantly, talked.
You guys talked about everything, Bucky told you what happened to him from the beginning, making you cry a little at how much your husband suffered, it hurt to see that he still blamed himself for things he couldn't help but do.
You told him everything you remembered, the times you remembered Bucky, and the times you heard Bucky screams from the next room.
They both beat themselves up for spending so much time so close but so far away.
"Do you know what I think?" You interrupted the silence that had been established.
You were lying face down on the bed, Bucky's arm was around your waist, caressing your back.
He looked at you, listening carefully.
“That only the two of us could be perfect for each other” you spoke sincerely “I mean, do you realize how crazy it is that they tortured us and took everything from us, and they still couldn't make us separate? It’s like no matter what happens, it will always be you and me.”
Bucky smiled at the prospect “I didn’t need to go through all that to know that”
You rolled your eyes “I know, but it's just... I mean, I'll probably feel guilty forever because of the missions where I killed innocent people” she hesitated, lowering her gaze.
“Me too, doll...” Bucky said sadly.
“That’s the point” you said “I could only be loved by someone who understands what this guilt feels like, that’s why we complement each other, only the two of us understand that.” You smiled at Bucky. “We spent what felt like a million years apart”
“And I would wait a million more for you” Bucky walked over, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart, doll.”
“I love you Barnes, I'm so happy to have you, it's like It's like we're trapped in that horrible story we've been through, but when I look at you i know It's enough, i feel like i could be a feather and yet bring the kingdoms to their knees”
Bucky smiled, running a hand over your cheek. “You are right, our love is our turning page”
“Yes, our turning page”
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faerunsbest · 2 days
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Rolan with a partner who is unreasonably patient. Almost passive to prevent arguments.
They love him very much and do their best not to be the cause of any further stress for him. So when he forgets things like cleaning his part of things after work, they just pick up his slack. It's so frequent and they never bring it up as a problem so he isn't aware of what he was doing.
It isn't until he finds himself telling his students to be sure to clean up after themselves that it clicks. In the middle of class ,mid rant he freezes, quiet and focused staring off into space for a solid minute. When he zones back in he just shouts at his class
"Self paced reading day, stay on task!"
Then bolts out the door, leaving them all confused.
Rolan bolts home and sees his love on their hands and knees, reaching under a book shelf, trying to grab something that rolled away. They look up at him surprised to see him in the middle of the day.
As he looks around it occurred to him that they've been taking of all the towers common spaces by themself. Even going as fat as to clean his office and study.
This is probably why they're always passed out asleep when he gets to bed. If he was honest, he was getting a little annoyed at the lack of attention in the bedroom for a while.
Guilt sunk deep as he almost shouted.
"I'm so sorry!"
They're baffled at him as he looks around at all the cleaning supplies around, his face suddenly riddled with upset.
"What's going on? Is something why are you home so early?"
Rolan hurries over to pull them up off the floor and hug them tight. They're so caught off guard and not used to the attention anymore, he can feel their heartbeat racing against him.
"Rolan you're scaring me what's going on?!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just thinking today and I realized I haven't been doing anything at all here to help. It's just been you by yourself, you must be so tired."
While he's talking, he won't let go of them. Rolan randomly drops kisses over their face while he speaks
"I'm supposed to help and do my part, you can tell me."
The way his heart breaks at their response, the silly bright laugh as they
"Oh, it's no trouble. i know you're busy. Your work is more important than me."
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neptunescore · 3 days
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Kinda off topic, but do you think that people forget that F1 is BOTH a drivers championship and constructors? People complain that certain drivers are washed and if they had a different car they wouldn’t be as successful. I saw Zak Brown (I hate him sm, I don’t even have a valid reason I just do LOL) say how Max is great but he wouldn’t win championships without RedBull dominance. But isn’t that the point? Almost every championship was won by a championship level car. That’s how dominance happens BECAUSE it’s whichever team is the best at the regulations. It’s literally why FIA always changes the regulations, people expect we’ll see a drivers true form when they are in a different car. Also he said how Lando would match Max in a straight fight and… I’m sorry to say but their grids when they began were two different worlds. I respect Lando as a driver and person (I did question his comment on the Orange but it is whatever, no one knows if it was for PR or out of his own mouth) but we have literal past champions and experts talking about the driver’s expertise. I’ll admit the car is a huge play (maybe like 70%) but the driver is who makes the difference. A good example is Lewis. I love him but everyone knows Mercedes downfall. He showed how much the car plays a role but also how good the driver has to be. We’ve seen him in China sprint be able to get second place because of good setup from the team and because he was able to make that difference. You can argue for many drivers such as Seb, Kimi, hell maybe add Max when he didn’t have the best car on the grid, they all won races even without the best car. Even if those wins were through safety cars or just plain strategy, which is something some teams really struggle in. McLauren happened to be the best car in Miami and had a good start (dare I say luck too) but you can also see from the other teams that everyone was struggling. No one improved their times Q3, a lot of complaints about the cars not being right. This is turning into a Zak Brown hate speech now but I think it’s important that he realizes for Lando to matchup with top drivers like Max or Lewis he needs consistency. Something that drivers such as Charles is good at. He’s still young and he has time but currently? He doesn’t stand a chance in equal machinery, different from what Zak previously stated.
Sorry for my rant!! I went off topic myself but I just think a lot of people in the media (cough twitter) forget how many teams care about the constructors championship more than the driver’s one. No one is a car merchant because there is no way you can make the car’s equal in all fields. Even if the driver isn’t the most important bit their expertise is what makes the difference!
...heyyy (im so sorry it took me so long to answer this ask anon😭, I swear I would've done sooner but at that point all of my asks were just hate crimes and I was NOT feeling the vibe. I'm back now!!!❤️🤗)
But anyway, YOURE SO RIGHT NONNIE. Ugh and this is smthng that acc makes me so irritated sometimes, bc in the end, f1 is more business than it is sport and teams NEED sponsors. I feel like alot of ppl forget that, like the drivers and teams literally DO have to pay to remain in the sport.
This means that the whole point of a team is to build the absolute best of a car they can, especially for teams at the top (rbr, ferrari, mclaren, mercedes), bc that's what the sponsors want. That's what the drivers WANT. They WANT a dominating car. They WANT a car that's 1 second ahead of the wholeass grid. They WANT that. And if top teams don't deliver that then yes, they ARE gonna lose both drivers and sponsors.
I feel like so many fans forget that f1 is literally the MOST competitive sport. No driver wants to be out there in equal machinery. They just want to WIN. Sponsors don't care how competing cars have been beaten, they just want the team they've picked to be ON TOP.
Now, away from all the money talk, fans who put EVERYTHING a driver achieves on to the 'car' just piss me off. You literally cannot be saying that. You cannot be saying max's dominance is only bc of the car when this man has a 20 SECOND GAP to the next car, while his teammate is literally fighting to make it to q3. Like please. Go look in the mirror and think abt ur comments bfr they leave your mouth😭. Monaco also proves that so well, the redbull car was absolute SHIT there, and max still managed to put it up in p6.
Who is not a Zak brown hater in this economy nonnie😌✊🏽, dw I completely get u. Literally no points to add to that bc everything uve said is so right. I feel like Zak just puts lando on a pedestal that lando has NOT achieved. There's still a long way for lando to go, and while I am happy for him and his first race win – Zak brown immediately saying lando is a championship competitor right after it is just hilarious to me😭. Like slow down bro, chill.
All in all, consistency is KEY. And literally not one driver wants to be in a car that's the same as their competitors.🤗
Edit: also nonnie, can I ask who ur fave team/ driver is?? I just like the way you talk and I wanna know so bad now.
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tellmegoodbye · 3 days
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-> Music Monday
It's Monday, so you know what that means...more songs!!
I made this post the other day going over the details of how this tag works, as well as linking the playlists and docs! Don't worry if a song you wanted to submit is already there, because adding your own thoughts and interpretations is a completely valid way to contribute!
Today, I have four soundtrack songs, as well as one Tarlos song and one Jace song.
How Did You Love - Shinedown
This song is very important to me, being one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. Lone Star and OG both have incredible music taste, what can I say? It's a very Owen coded song to me.
"What is the legacy that you're going to leave behind? It's a song that is a lot about reflection and understanding that it's better to give love than to spread hate." - Shinedown
In the video that I linked above the band explains that the meaning of this song is about accepting that one day, your time will be up, and that it's important to focus on what we leave behind when we're gone. That is Owen to me. He is someone who is learning to accept his mortality and put all of his efforts into being a good father, and a good captain. In 1x02, the episode this song is from, he is still coming to terms with his cancer and what that is going to mean for him going forward. He has to learn to accept the things he can't control, and focus on the things that matter most.
"No one gets out alive. Every day is do or die. The one thing you leave behind is how did you love? How did you love?"
Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Another god tier song from 1x02. This song reminds me a lot of Owen, Gwyn and TK. It's an anthem for the way they love him. The lyrics “don't forget son, there is someone up above” make me think of how Gwyn is watching over him even after she's gone.
Also, Shinedown did a cover of this song that blows the original out of the water. Just so you know.
Breathe - Fleurie
The lyrics “when will we finally breathe” are on my blog title for a reason. This song reminds me of Push, and One Day (the episode the song is from) which is my second favorite episode in the whole show!
There's a feeling I get when listening to this song that is similar to the way I feel when I watch these episodes, like something is building up until suddenly all of the emotion comes pouring out and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
Amen - Amber Run
Such a good song for 3x08! It's the perfect song for TK and Gwyn and the lyrics definitely speak to his struggles with addiction, as well as the way he's feeling after she dies.
"Oh, is there a heaven? You'd know now you've been"
"Are those real stars that hang in the sky? Or are they man-made, a trick of the light?"
"Cause the devil is raging inside my mind And is there a moment when it all makes sense? When saying goodbye doesn't feel like the end?"
"Sometimes I'd rather be dead, at least then I'm with you, amen"
Now that I've gotten the soundtrack songs out of the way, I'm going to share my other two songs!
If It Keeps You Up At Night - The Swoons
I've seen the world on top of your shoulders You lift me up 'cause you know I'm smaller When this life's a concert I can't see When I'm black and blue you paint me brighter And raise me up just like a lighter Even through the darkest symphony
And if it keeps you up at night I'll stay up and learn the words to all the songs that you like So if your eyes are open wide I can sing you something sweeter than that devil in your mind And if it still keeps you up at night I won't hold it against you I'll just hold, hold you tight
This song is perfect for Tarlos. It's about them loving each other even through the hard times. The lyrics in the chorus specifically are what I think they are feeling when they watch each other struggle with grief, addiction, and everything else. The first scene it reminds me of is the dining table scene in 3x13, but it could apply to many other scenes too.
Are You Still Waiting For Me? - Vian Izak
Traveling this road alone Made my heart heavy like a stone But when I think of you, I feel hope Are you still waiting for me, love?
I fall so many times, oh no But standing up makes me strong I need you in my life, you're the one Are you still waiting for me, love?
This is the song that reminds me of early Jace. When Judd finally sees Grace again when Tommy is in labor and he's uncertain of whether or not she still wants to be with him. He's wondering if she's still waiting for him.
No pressure tagging: @strandnreyes @nancys-braids @carlos-in-glasses @goodways @lemonlyman-dotcom
@carlos-tk @literateowl @eclectic-sassycoweyes @herefortarlos @thisbuildinghasfeelings
@freneticfloetry @bonheur-cafe @captain-gillian @heartstringsduet @welcometololaland
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reallifepotato · 2 years
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hmmm lotta stuff to do. think i’ll just *crumbles from the pressure*
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cerise-on-top · 4 months
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Hugging, Kissing and Cuddling HCs for König
I'm trying to see him in another light again after everything I've seen about him, so I decided I'd write something fluffy and nice for him. And then came the realization I never wrote some HCs like these for him in my original posts, so I decided I'd change that! He's Austrian, so naturally I have to love him!
When it comes to hugging someone, König is a bit hesitant. Considering he’s not the most physically affectionate person out there, it’s almost an honor to be receiving an unprompted hug from him. Whether his hugs are long or short depends on the occasion: If he’s proud of you for accomplishing something, then the hug will be rather short lived. Though, he might pick you up and spin you around until you’re dizzy. If you’re sad and need some comfort then his hugs could last a while. He’s not the best with words, he prefers to listen to other people, but if he knows a hug is what usually helps you then he’s willing to do so. Despite being a big and strong lad his hugs are surprisingly gentle, he’s worried about crushing you. He could put his all into them, but then you’d likely end up with a few broken ribs and he doesn’t want that to happen. König is also surprisingly warm, so receiving a hug from him is a rare, but nice experience. Although he does go rigid at the beginning, not knowing what to do, but relaxes into the hug eventually.
Again, he’s not a very physically affectionate person, but isn’t opposed to the occasional peck on the cheek or on your lips either. There is some anxiety whether you’d actually want a kiss from him or not, so he doesn’t kiss you very often, even if you do reassure him that it’s quite alright. He’s a bit tense at first when he presses a kiss to your lips, but calms down eventually. It’s especially bad during the beginning of your relationship, but he’s since gotten better at being calm about it. Since there’s a good chance he’s taller than you he loves giving you a kiss on the forehead. It’s a small but sweet gesture. He doesn’t need to bend down entirely to reach you but he still gets to be affectionate with you. However, if you’re on the taller side, or just as tall as he is, then he’d love to receive kisses to his temple from you. It makes him smile every time you do it. If he’s in the mood for receiving a kiss then he’ll lay his head on your shoulder and nudge you a bit. Or try to get his head in your closer vicinity. Kind of like that one bunny video where the bunny stretches to receive some kisses.
Cuddles with him are a bit more common than hugs actually. However, he refuses to lay down on top of you. If you’re shorter and weaker than him then there’s no chance he’ll put his weight on you, he’s just that afraid of hurting you. If you’re taller or just more muscular, then he might, but he’s still a rather heavy lad. Most he’ll do is put his head on your shoulder while you’re cuddling in bed and are both lying down. Although it’d be a lie to say he doesn’t want to be held. König is alright with being the one to hold you, but sometimes he would prefer to be the little spoon as well. That urge gets especially bad if you’re roughly the same size as him. Sometimes just nuzzling into your chest does the trick for him as well, though. Loves it when you run your fingers through his hair as he does so. Another thing he adores is you sleeping on his chest as he holds you. He gets to hold you close, he gets to protect you and he gets to doze off a bit himself, it’s bliss to him. Sometimes he leans down to press a kiss to your head and accidentally wakes you up like that. He feels bad about it and apologizes profusely, but does chuckle a bit when he sees your disheveled hair and your tired expression that shows you just woke up.
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buggachat · 1 year
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Basically, what's your favorite non-cat-related Adrien lovesquare petname?
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didderd · 2 months
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Today is Palestinian Land Day.
I saw the post linked above and wanted to make sure I posted something for the day.
There are important links in that post, so please check those out too, but I will link a few more here, since I wanted these on my blog for people anyway.
Links below:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1vtMLLOzuc6GpkFySyVtKQOY2j-Vvg0UsChMCFst_WLA/htmlview#
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ageless-aislynn · 1 month
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The one thing I regret the most is that I can't support everybody as much as I wish I could. I want to comment on everything my mutuals say because whatever they posted is important to them, so it's important to me, too! I want to comment on and reblog every fic they write, everything they draw, every GIFset they make, every headcanon post, every theory they put forth. I just want them to know how much I value them and their opinions and the things they create and I just inevitably miss so much and it makes me sad.
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