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#i am more than willing to expand on this idea if people want me to

delulu-archives · 6 months

Text

Love in Vinyl (Jeon Wonwoo x Reader)

If you were to create an extended play about your relationship with Wonwoo, this would be it. Your title track? To You - a perfect symphony about how a love yours feels like. You and Wonwoo found your safe place to land - each other. And like music in vinyl, every ridge and groove of your relationship makes up the perfect music.

Note: Wonwoo x producer!reader, smut, fluff, slow-burn, multiple scenarios, friends to lovers, AU, unedited Disclaimer: Dear reader, please bear in mind that this is an AU, hence there might be some scenes that may not be as cohesive as real-life, but I did try my best to match the timelines. This is a longer one-shot containing various parts inspired by different songs. Then, it would be followed with more chapters of shorter music-inspired one-shots from within your timelines. 💜 Word count: 23,229 SECOND FIC IS HERE, DARLINGS! Read Love me Lights Out here.

I love Wonwoo so much and I need an outlet for my delulu self, that I am now willing to share with you, world. :) this is the first ever fic I am posting here in Tumblr so pleease forgive all the mushy stuff. I really hope you'd like it, though. Enjoy, darlings. 💗💙

I pour my blood, sweat, tears, and delulu dusts to write this. Please help me protect my work while reaching more delulu darlings who may find escape here, too. 💜 Cross-posted in AO3 (theloveofthunder17)

You, I always need you I step still further away Only the rough wind lingers around me So, I always need you You're the only one for my breathless self Oh, even if we're facing each other, I still miss you Hey, even without saying anything You're the only one that who understands me Today I'll go to your arms too (Hey, hey, hey, hey) I'm grateful to you, who greets me whenever I open the door In a swirling day You've given me a piece of happiness You've placed all of the smiles in the world in my hands So even if I run out of breath on a steep road Even when I lose my path during a cold day We're still holding hands with warmth Nothing is easier than I thought Thinking about what should I do everyday When I think I've arrived, I'm back to the start Even when the dark is ahead of me, oh-ooh-oh Ooh, during the swirling days I can run without any fears Because of our faith that we still kept Because I'm so grateful, I'm in tears How can I repay all of this? To you, to you The story I want to express To you, to you I want to say more things like this Oh-oh, in a swirling wind If there's an eternal love Then you're that person

You weren't really prepared for your life to change when you first worked for Big Hit, a relatively small, start-up company that somehow put faith in your skills and your eagerness. You were penniless, basically living off minimum wage you earn as you pursued your course in university alongside working with BTS since their debut. You started as an intern, a researcher for such a small company you took as a steppingstone to your career. You were working with only handful of producers then, hence gaining the exposure while putting double work developed you massively. It was baptism by fire, they always told you. With of your determination and grit, you soon became a segment producer and made your way as one of the regular producers of their contents. You were present during concerts and shows, filming and drafting ideas so your skills expanded tenfold while you were growing your network, too. You were part of the massive shift in BTS' career and the agency's success. You were there as the team behind the camera grew from a few people to hundreds as years passed by.

You were one of the most trusted, most tenured producers, growing and learning with the boys and the company. You proved your innate talent as you became one of the brains behind their hit 'healing' contents such Bon Voyage and Run BTS, documentaries, and many other social networking releases that helped them reach a global scale. Those years were a whirlwind – pure chaos but utterly amazing in its own way.

BigHit continued growing as BTS continued to triumph internationally, bridging borders across the globe. The company's growth meant a lot of acquisitions and partnerships with relatively similar labels the head of the agency fostered good working relationships with, and that was when Pledis entered your world. As an independent company such as BigHit before, both companies somehow built close ties from the higher ups, knowing both were relatively smaller companies compared to the giants. It was a perfect partnership, truly. Gradually, even the respective production teams had built connection and network, driven mainly by the encouragement of the senior management.

By early 2018, you started being more involved with both companies as part of continuous partnership initiatives. The producers often welcomed your expertise because you always offered fresh perspectives, from an angle of someone so pivotal to the successful contents and program releases of BTS for the past five years and from someone around the same age of the artists and the fanbases. You struck the perfect balance every time.

You have met some of Pledis' artists before through working with BTS, seeing them during shows, networking with Pledis producers, or casually interacting with them around the industry. With the changing dynamics however, you were eager to know more about the group on a more professional and personal manner. You spent time researching about them and getting to know them through their managers and producers, and of course the contents they had already released before. Their beginnings were much like your beloved BTS – they started from the bottom and slowly continued making their name known in the scene – SEVENTEEN. They were just nearly a 3-year-old group then, still fresh, and still discovering the many things they could bring to the table. With immense innate talent they possess, you were certain they'd be one of the most successful groups, and you were right.

"Everyone, this Y/N. She's going to be one of the producers for some of our contents and she came time to meet you all."

You found yourself in a middle of the room surrounded by the members after their debrief session for one of their Going Seventeen Spin-off shooting day. You were present during the whole shoot, watching and observing how these individuals work and just how comfortable and easy to work with they are. Your friend and mentor who happened to work with BigHit before requested your presence there, given that he's one of the long-time producers of the show.

"You all behave," the producer teased the team, leaving you all in the room for some time to get to know each other.

"Hello everyone."

"Hello, PD-nim." The members greeted you, with Seungcheol politely asking you to sit and feel comfortable, and you did.

They looked excited with the introduction of a new staff member and you immediately felt the positive energy everyone radiated. You immediately thought this was going to be easier than what you had initially expected.

"Hope you still have energy? I'll try and make it as quick as possible." Your whole persona exuded a different type of energy that the team found refreshing, as if your wavelength would also match theirs and instead of senior staff members they were used to working with, your youthful take on things was something they were all looking forward to.

"We're okay, PD-nim." The leader piped in and everyone agreed. "It's still early!"

The room was filled with hums and excited murmurs so you wanted to sustain that energy. Instead of your usual laptop, you took out pens and sticky notes from your bag to distribute it to the team for a quick activity.

"I am quite unconventional so I would like to get to know you guys personally through this game and would also allow you to ask me questions so you can get to know me." You explained looking around the room as the men started to show curiosity despite it being the first time you actually got to meet them. You reckoned it was because it was something new to them.

"Y/N-noona, you know us all already?" Mingyu asked, his bright smile lighting up the mood and surprising everyone with how casual he was with you. He had been smiling at you since he saw you that day but you already warned him beforehand to not let the team know just yet. You met him several times already through Jungkook and learned just how how much of a golden retriever he is, so refreshing for a man standing 6'2".

"Hey! I've met you guys before! It's just that I was always nagging BTS behind camera."

"Ah you're the scary PD-nim!" Minghao exclaimed, earning laughter from the team.

"I suppose I am, yeah. But again, I know you guys."

"Shall we test it, PD-nim? Whether you really know us?" DK, the group's sunshine, suggested and the team all agreed. The whole thing did not feel intimidating for them at all even though you'd be working as their producer.

"It's Y/N. You can just call me Y/N. But challenge accepted! I watch a lot of your contents, you know." A soft smile crept into your lips as you recited their full-names and stage names as you pointed at them in order they are seated, even included the nicknames the fans use to refer to them or their iconic lines. A collective 'woahs' filled the room at how accurate you were. You could see their walls breaking gradually which was the goal of the meeting - to establish the familiarity and ease before even working with them.

"And last but not the least... 울고 싶지 않아 (Ulgo sipji ana/I don't want to cry)". Your sweet voice resonated around the room followed by the cheers and howls from the members, while your turned your gaze towards quietest man in the room, meeting those kind eyes behind his thick glasses. Knowing how to read the room and adjust your approach, you reckoned it would need a little more effort to make Jeon Wonwoo more comfortable and participative, especially that you were a new face. Wonwoo emitted such a kind aura with a hint of mischief, and you were certain you'd enjoy seeing him break out of his shell through the programmes you'd produce. Your attempt at building rapport was quickly rewarded, earning a nod and a warm yet shy smile from him. It made your stomach flutter and Seokjin was the only person who managed to affect you like that before.

"Alright, in that piece of paper I gave, I want you to write the simplest thing that excites you the most when working on contents such as Going Seventeen outside being musicians and idols, and from there, I'll guess who it might belong to. If you have questions for me, put it there, too."

You watched them intently as they endlessly bickered, teased, and gathered ideas from one another. You loved the chemistry and relationship they have almost immediately. Clapping your hands to get their attention, you gathered the papers and opened it one after the other. You read interesting and simple things they wrote such as 'fun activities', 'prize', 'food', 'mafia', 'travel', 'games and money' and the likes. The hour was filled with laughter as you answered those who asked a question and tried guessing based on this.

"What he likes - gaming and would like to try travelling. His question for me - 'Who are you?' Wow such a straightforward one." You snorted as you read one of the papers, rolling your eyes playfully as they hollered, shouting it was Wonwoo for sure. "Is it yours?" You turned to the man whose ears were turning red as you clutched your chest feigning heartache which made the team tease him more as he admitted he wrote it.

"Alright then, who am I? Wonwoo, I am BTS' favourite producer, and I have a feeling that I will be Seventeen's most favourite producer soon enough, too."

The members cheered, clapping their hands as Mingyu led them to chant your name, "Y/N-noona! Y/N-noona!"

"Don't tell the other PDs I said that. It's a secret."

One particular paper made you laugh, it was Hoshi's, saying that he mostly enjoys being a tiger and being a star but then followed by a question about their seniors, "How different is BTS? What can we learn from them?"

You paused and considered the question, looking at the team in the eyes, "They are not much different. Like you, they started from the bottom - working day in and day out, breaking barriers and crushing bigotry and racism. They are so much like you than you'd imagine, that's why I think you all get along well every time you work together."

The team nodded and hummed, as if pondering what you just said. Mingyu also agreed, given that he already heard many stories about the band from Jungkook.

"What can you learn from them? Be human because you are humans. You cry, you get angry, you get tired, you fall, you stand, you laugh, you fight, you rejoice, too. You eat, you shower, hopefully, you take care of yourself, but most importantly, you love. You love what you do, you love yourself, you love each other. It will make a difference in this wild industry you are in. You love."

There was moment shared between you and the members, a quiet one with only knowing smiles and glances around the room. It was evident that it was going to be the start of a harmonious work-life with them.

Since early 2018, you were able to foster good working relationship and friendship with the members, as part of the producers for Going Seventeen Spin-off. From 2019 onwards, you became a regular around their studio, especially with more talks around agency mergers becoming more and more apparent from the management to senior staff levels. With your brilliant mind, you become more involved in conceptualizing contents and special episodes for Going Seventeen, earning you a title as of one of their most loved and most hated producers at all times. You later became one of the brains behind TTT, Don't Lie, Ego, and Bad Clue series which were all loved not only by the fans but also the members themselves.

Being just at the same age as Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua, it was naturally easy for them to trust and build connection with you, much like how you were with BTS. Everyone became comfortable around you quickly, with your presence offering some sort of normality among individuals who are always under the spotlight. "You're not just a producer but a great friend and 'noona'. I am really thankful." Dino, ever so precious, reminded you after a tedious working day for everyone. There were no pressure working with you even when you were running things in the background no matter how scary and serious you can become sometimes — just some of many reasons why they love you.

Since you started working with them, there were members who had grown closest to you such as the 95z, Hoshi, Dino, and Minghao but surprisingly, there was another one who grew to love your presence – Wonwoo.

Admittedly, Wonwoo was not the easiest one to get to know — he had always been reserved and observant, laughing on the side lines and supporting his team, but somehow, he felt comfortable with you. With how wild and loud the other team members can get, you understood that Wonwoo would not fight for that limelight, and while not intentional, being quiet also meant he sometimes felt as though no one was listening to him. Of course, Jeonghan and Mingyu are always there for him, but with your arrival however, he felt more understood and seen. It was rare for him to foster such close relationship with anyone that easily, but with you, it was a breeze. "As easy as breathing," he once told you.

Wonwoo would often receive teasing gaze and smirks from the team whenever you were in the studio working or even getting their ideas from them, even when you were still just doing small projects before. He always found himself beside you during breaks, talking about everything under the sun - from the games he discovered, or the latest restaurant he tried, or more interesting and controversial topics. The two of you could easily get lost in hours after hours of random conversations and even arguments which challenged both of your perceptions - his practical and rational mindset and your more creative and idealist mindset. You became comfortable enough to share stories of your childhood, hardships, or even concerns without fear of judgment despite differences. You became close enough to even know each other's families. You were always in your own little bubble, enjoying each other's company as if you had been best friends forever. You thought that was the beauty of it - the build up of your friendship was organic.

Wonwoo was never the one to fall quickly — always sure-footed and rational even in that regard. However, he was always a little too excited whenever you were around, and you were always in his mind whenever you were not around — something he would not necessarily admit. He felt it, though, and allowed himself to bask in that new feeling.

You on the other hand was always focused on your career - the schedule was hectic alone to even pay attention to being in a relationship. In reality, you had carefully built your walls since you started working in the industry, but somehow, someway, Wonwoo managed to slowly break your guards down.

You were not certain when it started – the silly banters, the teasing, the sweet gestures, and more moments spent alone you both always looked forward to - but it happened.

In such chaos around you, you and Wonwoo found a safe place to land – each other.

Around July of 2019, you produced SVT Travel episodes for GoSe. New York, a perfect location for the boys to film such content. The city had everything to offer, and it was right on time as they were set to perform as one of the artists for KCon that year. They were the most anticipated artist there and you knew how enthusiastic they were about it too. Prior to the event, they were given a chance to roam around New York on their own and explore the city by group, Bon Voyage style. Every one made the most out of their travel, enjoying everything in the city from food, parks, and even the shops.

They were quite bummed you were not there for their travel vlog though it was you who made it possible to squeeze in that content and allow them to enjoy. There was a conflict in schedule, but you told them you'd try. They knew you would be preoccupied with project commitments and would not be around for a while because you were busy preparing for BTS' New Zealand trip that September for the fourth season of Bon Voyage. Everything was manic with BTS going on an extended break before their trip, and still being one of the head producers for BV, you were naturally occupied, too.

However, your heart yearned to be in New York for more reasons than you cared to admit. So while it seemed impossible, you tried finishing all the work and preparations so you can squeeze in the time to fly to NYC.

And of course, you did.

While you were not there for KCon, you found yourself walking in the streets of the concrete jungle the night before a special occasion - Wonwoo's birthday.

Nobody knew you were coming except from some staff members, Seungcheol, and by extension Jeonghan. They told you they planned something for him so you can surprise the birthday boy who had been sulking for the past few days. Birthday blues, they assumed, so they wanted it to be special for the man who would not normally demand anything.

They said they would have late dinner so they can still be up drinking until midnight, which was not uncommon at all. You already experienced their random drinking sessions before and was impressed with how they can hold their liquor, except Hoshi and Seungkwan, of course.

It was right on time with your arrival at NYC at 10:00 PM. That gave you ample time to settle down in your hotel nearby the place they were staying in. At around 11:30 PM, Jeonghan gave you a head's up that they were all together, drinking and eating, and asked you to come before midnight. You arrived by the door of their accommodation few minutes before 12:00 AM of 17 July, just enough time for the surprise.

Your loud knock broke through their laughter and Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and the others who kept up with the secret asked Wonwoo to open it, reasoning that he was the closest to the door.

"Yah! It's my birthday and you're ordering me around!"

He complained but being an angel that he naturally is, obliged. It was the most perfect timing -- the clock struck midnight as Wonwoo turned the knob and opened the door to you holding a cake with a cute little candle lit up. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened as if he could not believe you were there, wishing him a happy birthday along with the members.

"Make a wish." You gave him your gentle smile and lifted the cake towards him. Speechless, Wonwoo closed his eyes, put his hands together for a wish, and blew the candle. Everyone cheered, clapped, and hugged him - all pleased with how the man responded to the small surprise. It was loud but Wonwoo felt as though you were the only person around that moment. His eyes remained glued to you, as if trying to convince himself he was not dreaming.

In a blink, he engulfed you in his embrace, his head buried against your neck. "You're here," he breathed out as he tightened his arms around you.

You swore you could feel his shy smile against your skin.

"Happy birthday, Wonwoo." You mumbled, rubbing his back soothingly as you wrapped your arms around him with equal affection and care.

Unbeknown to the both of you, the members were already giggling and whispering how dense you both were about each other's feelings.

New York was even more beautiful than you imagined. You had been there before, but somehow, that summer bloomed differently - it was brighter, more colourful, and more alive. You tried convincing yourself it really was like that but you second-guessed whether it was because you were already smitten with the man you were spending the day with. Either way, you had no complaints.

With how famous he was, you knew it would be impossible to spend the day with just the two of you alone given that they also headlined a huge concert just few days back. Wonwoo was adamant to spend the day with just the two of you, but you managed to convince him to bring the guys. They all deserved that break after all, so it was just perfect.

You all decided to spend the day at Six Flags, getting lost and enjoying the wide variety of activities offered in the amusement park. The members and some managers were around, but they gave you space per Wonwoo's request without your knowledge.

You spent the day sightseeing together, getting on various rides, enjoying meals and several desserts, and just being silly kids - with playful matching headbands, even. For someone you constantly tease as part of the iron deficiency line, Wonwoo seemed to have all the energy in the world that day.

You spent few hours together until the members called to let you know that the firework show was about to start. Hurriedly, you and Wonwoo went to the centre-ground just before the bright, colourful explosions glimmered under the dark velvet sky, capping the celebration with a perfect view.

Everyone was in awe of the grand display, as expected.

You, on the other hand, found the man beside you more fascinating than the show glittering the sky. You watched the reflection against his glasses and his almond eyes, admiring how the colours lit up his perfect face while his lips curled in his signature small smile as he expertly took photos of the show. He looked even more breathtaking. This man was crafted so carefully you were sure the universe spent more time perfecting him.

The thud in your chest was relentless, and when you thought things couldn't get better, it did. You felt Wonwoo's hands twining with yours as he turned towards you and smiled, "Thank you for making this the best birthday ever."

You could not speak, but he knew what you wanted to say. The way your hand tightened around his and the way your eyes shone as you met his gaze were enough answers for him.

I’m ready to love Tell me, can we stay together? Can we stay together? I’m a fool of love for you My heart by your side forever, by your side forever My feelings grew after I met   you Just friends that’s  not enough for  me First time feeling my heart race Never thought it’d beat so fast All I wanna do is run away Cause you are my escape Love has no limit, I want an answer Already know, yeah That expression lost in thought My secret recipe to make you feel better The moment my eyes saw you Everything’s clear No need to say a word First time feeling my heart race Never thought it’d beat so fast All I wanna do is run away Cause you are my escape Just need you to be ready With each passing day My emotions keep growing I don’t wanna waste any more I want to run for you Run away to the other side of the world Take my hand Still I run away Trust me now To fill my heart to the top Like you're short of breath (let me) You give me purpose

The trip in NYC was nothing short of magical. It was beautiful to have been able to spend time with them, but most especially Wonwoo. You weren't sure about what was going on with the two of you just yet, and somehow it started to scare you how much deeper you were falling for him. It was an oath you swore to yourself before - to not fall in love with the people you were working with, especially the artists. It was impossible not to, you finally realised, especially with how things naturally played out with you and Wonwoo.

Instead of focusing on that however, you occupied yourself with preparations for the fourth season of Bon Voyage and had not visited the studio for nearly two months. Aside from how busy you were, you also went to New Zealand to film with BTS hence you were also not around for the first shows they had for Ode to You tour.

Your jampacked schedule did not mean that your mind was completely rid of Wonwoo. He was able to infiltrate your thoughts and emotions throughout - sending you food and coffee in your office, calling during odd hours of day to ask how you were, or even sending random selcas with the members. You missed being with him for sure, and those silly things made you yearn for him.

One thing that stuck to you however, was when you received a call late in September, few days before your scheduled return. They were filming the 2019 Camping TTT that time and you weren't sure why your phone rang at nearly midnight. Seeing his name on the screen however, you perked up.

"Hello?"

"M-miss you so much." He slurred, followed by a hiccup. Your breath hitched.

"Hey, Won. You okay?"

"N-no."

"Why? What happened?"

"You forgot about me already." Despite the static on the line, you could hear the slight pout with the way he whined.

"I would never." You chuckled, "wait, are you drunk?"

"Lovedrunk. Yes. With you."

"Wonwoo —"

You could not even finish your question when the line dropped.

You were dumbfounded. Would he even remember what be said once he woke up the following day? Those thoughts keep you awake that night.

As scheduled, you came back after nearly two months of being MIA in the Caratland to produce the SVT Playground episode of Going Seventeen which was one of the goofiest episodes they enjoyed filming - simple and innocent, a trip down memory lane. It was a chance for them to be young again and forget the heavy weight of their stardom despite the cameras around.

For you and Wonwoo, however, it was the game changer.

While you grew closer than ever even before, something shifted with the way Wonwoo treated you since New York and that phone call the previous week. He became a little more gentle, softer, and more thoughtful with you. On the other hand, the sweet gestures became bolder and more noticeable. The way he stared at you lingered without him trying to hide it and there was a new spark in his eyes whenever he did so. The tone of his voice when talking to you turned sweeter, flirtier, even.

That day, he became more intentional with his display of affection either by tucking your hair behind your ears or wrapping an arm around your shoulders or waist for no reasons at all. Those gestures, while not not new, developed gradually over the past months that you did not even notice them becoming more apparent. Not until New York. Not until that playground day when you felt it so deep.

Adding to your dilemma about your feelings, Jeonghan and Seungcheol were also actively watching the turn of events. They had always known about it, so as the other members who were close to the two of you, while you and Wonwoo try to mask or avoid your feelings.

"What's with you and Wonu?" The leader asked teasingly during the filming break, flashing his gummy smile and wiggling his brows. "He finally confessed?"

"Huh?" You cocked your head in confusion.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan burst out laughing, shaking their heads and looking at each other as if sharing an inside joke, and you reckoned they might be aware of that drunk call Wonwoo made.

"Eeeeeyy, you both need to come to your senses. It's been more than a year of you trying to deny how whipped you both are for each other." Jeonghan casually remarked before they went back filming when the director called their attention. You scolded yourself. Were you really that obvious?

As you watched the during the filming, you could not help but be drawn towards Wonwoo – his laugh, his whiny pouts, his voice, and even the way he ran to you whenever he had the chance to, pretending to get candies or drink water or seek assistance in putting on eye-drops - all these just so he can get close you.

You couldn't help but think about how since you met over a year ago, he has always been present and always ensured you felt it. Your natural chemistry was obvious to everyone around you, but somehow, you both refused to acknowledge it.

That day changed it, though. The butterflies and racing heartbeat were abiding throughout the day.

Remembering how he held your hand in New York only sealed the obvious truth you were trying to avoid for months.

It finally dawned to you that you had plummeted. Your walls completely crumbled down and you were left defenceless, all for and because of Wonwoo.

Majority of the team members and staff went home once you arrived in the building after the shoot, but you stayed inside your dark office, working on some of your ideas for the next content and pulling another all-nighter. You wanted to finish it, as you were going to be busy with some filming preparations in line with upcoming documentary for SVT you would be co-producing.

While you were preoccupied with your work, Wonwoo noticed your office door ajar with lights still open and he knew there could only be one reason. He bid goodbye to Joshua who was walking with him saying he'd follow in the carpark and the man nonchalantly agreed, leaving Wonwoo alone.

Wonwoo entered the studio discreetly, seeing you ever busy typing your notes, talking to yourself with eyes laser focused on the screen. He always loved watching you in your element, so fascinating how your mind works he would often say. He even bought you a wireless mechanical keyboard to help you when typing away your ideas so that it would be easier and more comfortable. That was just another excuse of course, he bought it because it matches his gaming keyboard and you once told him you love the click-clacks of it. He hoped that somehow, he'd cross your mind even when you are working. He reached his goal - you carry that keyboard and think about him everywhere you work.

He leaned against the door frame for quite some time just admiring your unwavering strength and passion before sneaking behind you like a cat that he is. Placing a hand on your shoulder, he spoke softly, "Aren't you leaving yet?"

You jumped in surprise as you felt his warm hands against you, "You scared me!" You shrieked, playfully punching him as you clenched your chest with your other hand.

"Ah! Sorry, sorry." He snickered, pulling the other chair to sit beside you and you locked your laptop hide the script you were working on for the next special episode.

"Why are you still here? Have the others left?"

"Mhm, they did. How long are you staying?" He inquired, already reaching for his phone from his pocket with his eyes never leaving yours. "I'll wait for you. I can text Shua-hyung to go ahead, he is waiting for me."

You tilted your head, puzzled, "Why? You should go, it was a long day. You have early shoot tomorrow, too."

Wonwoo just shook his head. There was that unspoken connection and understanding built between you since you met. Both of you are intuitive individuals, and you both see through things than what meets the eye, perhaps that's why you mesh well. His warm eyes searched yours as if conveying things he could not muster just yet. "I'll stay and wait. No matter how long it takes."

There was a pregnant pause, the air thinning as your heart pounded against your chest. You wanted to assume it was just about waiting for you and nothing else, but his deep voice and the sincerity behind it was too serious. "How sweet of you, Won, but Joshua's waiting and you need to rest, too." Your voice was gentle, but there was a little quiver as you tried steadying it despite how he was making you feel.

"Eh, but I want to be here with you." His perfect lips puckered into an adorable pout as he whined, eyes twinkling under the warm dimmed light of the office as they remained glued to you. "You can't convince me otherwise."

You beamed. Like a complete idiot.

Your inner lady laughed hysterically at just how insane Wonwoo drives you no matter what he does.

"Wonwoo, you need to go home. Your managers will kill me if they found out you stayed here." You insisted, pressing a hand on his forearm as if to comfort him, and he felt your warmth through the sweatshirt he was wearing. "I'll be fine, I promise."

He sighed, finally surrendering to your request. "One condition then..." he paused and turned your swivel chair so you could face him completely. You saw that glint in his eyes - a hint of teasing mischief that eventually shifted into something warm, like fuel coaxing embers to burst into flames.

"Fine. What is it?"

The tension was palpable and your voice barely came out as you tried grounding yourself when he dragged your chair closer. He did not answer you just yet, instead with an intense gaze, he started leaning towards you, nose brushing against yours as you froze in your seat.

"This."

He hushed, and before he chickened out, pressed his soft lips against yours.

Your breathing ceased.

The world paused.

There was nothing but silence and the pounding of both your hearts.

The fireworks show in NYC was no match against the fireworks going off in your head that moment.

It was all surreal until you felt his trembling hand ever so gently cupping your face. The surge of emotions was brimming as you withdrew slowly, eyes wide at what just transpired. You blinked rapidly, trying to wake yourself up from the beautiful dream or delusion that it was.

But it wasn't a dream. Nor was it a delusion.

It was all real.

He was there, lips curled up in his signature grin while caressing your face with yearning. His raised cheeks were turning red and the ashen colour of his hair only emphasized the glow that painted his features. He was enchanting yet so real at the same time and you could never fathom how it was even possible.

"H-hi." He stuttered followed a breathy laugh and you could not help but meet him halfway the next time he dipped his head and captured your lips in a conversation without words.

He kissed you with such tenderness and longing - the soft petals of his lips slotted between yours so delicately that it caused shivers to run throughout your whole being. He brought you closer by the back of your head, deepening the kiss, enough to allow you to taste each other.

The kiss was sweet, in all senses of that word. He tasted of sugar and mixed berries from all the candies he consumed during the filming, and you tasted exactly like the cherry-cola popsicle you had upon arrival at the office. The exchange was loving yet so fearless and innocent, like one's very first kiss, only 100x better.

"You had too many candies today," You whispered against his lips, eyes still closed as you both chuckled. You heart was burning inside and you were certain he could feel it, with how steady he seemed to be.

"I can say the same." His lips curled into smirk then chased yours for a few more pecks before finally pulling away reluctantly, looking in your eyes as you both burst out giggling like teenagers.

"Now go." You ordered, face still flushed from the exchange and Wonwoo nodded, his lips pressed together tightly to suppress the smile he couldn't wipe off his face. No matter how much he tried, however, the corners of his lips and his cheekbones did not cooperate.

When he finally found his strength, he stood towering over you and leaned in, stealing one last kiss then running towards the door giddily.

"I'll go. Good night."

"Good night." You called back, suppressing the intense emotions that threatened to spill.

Wonwoo got to the car grinning ear to ear. Joshua, ever so observant, noticed the younger man's reaction but when he asked, Wonwoo just shrugged and said it was nothing and pretended to scroll through his phone.

It was something. Definitely something huge, enough to make his heart pound against his ribcage as if he had just run a marathon.

You on the other hand, were left in the studio, still in daze and doubting your sanity. You were only able to process it once you reached home, squealing like a lovesick 15y/o in the plush kitten he gave you not long ago.

The next time you saw Wonwoo was only few days later from that night, during a particularly busy day in October two days before their scheduled Japan trip for Ode to You in which you will be present, as you were the producer of their docu-series content.

That special filming was for the first ever Don't Lie episode. They were all ecstatic and surprised throughout the entire day of filming, cameras rolling around as they tried to find the treasure and the mafia. You headed the whole production, monitoring the cameras and watching how they were losing their minds over the whole concept.

Wonwoo should be focused on the game but could not take his eyes off you. You were the main producer that day, busy giving instructions to members seeking clarity about the rules or checking the flow of the game and filming with the directors. The way your eyes glistened as you sipped your favourite strawberries and cream frappe while running around one place to another captured his attention. He thought of how your lips would taste and how cold it would be against his, wondering whether it would be like that first time few nights ago. That was when he felt it again, the tug in his chest that seemed to always happen whenever you were together, which only intensified from that perfect kiss you shared. It was so powerful that day that he felt he could no longer waste time – he was finally ready to verbalize it, hoping that you felt the same way.

"Wonu couldn't take his eyes off you. How can he find the treasure then?" Jeonghan chuckled as you both watched Wonwoo searching every nook and cranny of the area after Jeonghan was voted out by the team.

"Shut up, you mafia. His eyesight is poor, he could not see me from here."

You took a long sip, trying to ignore the teasing from your friend but who were you kidding? His teasing was impossible to ignore, especially when you and Wonwoo still had not talked about the kiss and just casually greeted each other when the filming started. Your mind floated back to earlier that day, when Wonwoo found yet another way to make your heart flutter like he always does.

The weather was already changing - the air was colder that day as the season transitioned, and it was common knowledge that Wonwoo could not stand the cold. Like a proper excuse, Wonwoo found himself next to you while you were walking towards the main shooting area, lacing your hands together sneakily yet so casually. You gasped and turned your head towards him, raising your brows to question what he was doing but he just gave you a sly smirk, "Why? You know my hands easily get cold and yours are the perfect heat packs."

What a silly but perfect excuse, you thought. You shook your head in disbelief, hiding the fluttering of your heart and the stupid grin that painted your face. He noticed everything, though, and he loved it, too much that he pulled you even closer to him.

"Trust me, his eyesight is 20/20 when it comes to you. See?" Jeonghan added and proving his point, the gorgeous 6ft tall man sauntered towards you. He was so on theme that day, donning an all-black outfit from his shirt and ripped jeans matched with a leather jacket and a pair of combat boots. He looked dangerous to begin with and even more so when he nonchalantly leaned to take a sip from your drink as his almond eyes met yours in a gentle, but teasing stare-down.

"You found the treasure?" You taunted but he just smirked and shook his head, making you reach out and fix the hair from his forehead.

"Ugh, get a room you two." Jeonghan grimaced, leaving the two of you in the corner lost in you own bubble once more.

"Not yet, the mafias are good and I've searched the whole place already! Give me a hint, babe. I'll split the cash and treat you dinner." Wonwoo casually offered, with pleading eyes. He looked so handsome you could melt but more than that, you did not miss the way he said 'babe' as if it was the most natural thing to call you.

"Not a chance," you shook your head before stealing your drink away from him and sipping, pushing him to go back to his hunt as the remaining time was announced.

The shoot ended with loud laughs and betrayals from the team, the mafias won the prize but it was Wonwoo who seemed a little too happy even when he lost, grinning ear to ear when you agreed to have dinner with him.

It was not the first time you went out alone, you were mainly in the studio or the normal bar you also frequented with Bangtan whenever you guys were out for a drink, one that guaranteed privacy. This time however, Wonwoo wanted something different. He took you out for a drive towards Namsan Mountain, both of you holding Styrofoam cups of piping hot stew and some grilled pork belly you ordered, and even some soju to enjoy at the back of his crossover van. You created a makeshift camping space with picnic cloth and some pillows you borrowed from the studio as you shared your meal while looking over the amazing view from above through the open door of the van.

"You are amazing, you know that? How did you even come up with that idea?" He mumbled, looking at you in the eyes as if utterly mesmerized by you.

You let out a soft snicker as you recalled the ruckus from the day and as he laughed at the things that transpired. It was like that until you both finished your meals and the ice cream you bought from the booth nearby. You just casually talked about everything... except for the one thing you both should be talking about. "I am a producer for a reason. And I enjoy watching you all lose your minds."

The cityscape glimmered before your eyes as cold winds brushed against your skin. The both of you leaned back against the pillows with his head resting against your shoulder. It was peaceful and quiet, and there was such comfortable silence between you as you watched the flickering of the city lights while his favourite ballads played in the background through the car's stereo.

"You were right you, know." Wonwoo's deep voice broke through the soft melody in the background and you could feel it through you.

"About what?"

"You've become my favourite."

"Producer?" You smirked.

"No. Person." Wonwoo declared with certainty, his trembling hands reaching for yours, fiddling with your hand before slotting his fingers between the spaces of yours. "You're my favourite person."

"Won -" What he uttered and they way he held your hand truly caught you off guard and rendered you speechless.

"I have fallen for you since the moment you noticed I measure my meat and rice ratio at every bite." He paused, thumb brushing at the back of your hand as he craned his head and met your eyes. "I am not good with words, but this, I am certain of. And that kiss, I felt it, you know..."

"Felt what?"

"That I may have a chance. We may have a chance."

You were wonderstruck at his confession. Your heart was bursting at the seams as you looked at the man who held your trembling frame one summer night when you were at your breaking point, the man who always asked whether you've eaten and went above and beyond to order you food or coffee, the man who paid attention to every little shifts in your mood, the man who stayed up late with you in the studio after long days of practice so you'd have company, and the man who since you met, has been a steady presence, grounding you and being your safety net.

"I want to try, Y/N. I feel like we've been holding back for so long." He added, shifting to face you as you did the same, hand twined in his as you both searched each other's eyes. "Let's allow ourselves to be happy, unless of course I read things wrong."

Wonwoo had never felt such way with anyone else before. While of course he had been attracted to other people, it was different with you – deeper and more serious than whatever silly crush he had prior. He felt safe and secure with you. He felt seen, valued, and listened to even though he normally prefers to be in the background. He finally had someone he was excited to share his stories with outside of the members and his family. He finally had someone to be silly with and someone to tell him that it's okay if he's not the best cook. He finally found the person he'd want to learn how to cook for. He found someone who taught him how to better communicate and supported him as he continues to discover himself and find his footing. He found rest in you. He found his person, so unexpectedly. He found you and he could not let you go, never without trying, especially not now.

Your eyes glimmered with pure astonishment, "You're my favourite person, too. Ever since you asked me who was I the first time we formally met." You chuckled at the memory, watching his smile grow and seeing wheels turning in his head. Then there was silence, a meeting of eyes before his gaze trailed towards your lips and then back to your eyes. There was that unspoken understanding floating mid-air, hidden beneath your soft smiles and withheld breaths.

"But —"

The moment you broke the quiet, he cut off your words as he swiftly drew you in, lips moulding with yours in a fearless, loving kiss.

"No more buts." He muttered ever so steadily, grazing his teeth against your lower lip.

You finally let your guards down and wrapped your arms around him, seizing such perfect moment and tucking that core memory inside the corners your mind for safekeeping.

He was right, no more buts were needed.

All your fears and apprehensions vanished as you allowed yourself to savour the moment. You'd deal with worries some other time. That moment, all that mattered was the two of you.

The two of you.

Finally.

It was perfect.

You made this song who I am And here you come Three, two, one Want to give everything If I can just have you Won't let them break your heart, oh, no Without you, I'm nothing No words are enough for you Want to write it lyrical So let me read and write my emotions through you I just want to love you Alone I don't want to leave you I just want you, I need you The night is short, can't take you for granted I tell you, this time I wanna rock with you Moonlight tonight, shine on you Tonight, I wanna ride with you Wherever we go Baby, hold on, baby, hold on (Wherever we are) Baby, hold on, baby, hold on (No matter whеre we are) Evеn if the world is ending, I wanna ride with you I'm running for you Do anything for you Just you 'til my last breath No words are enough for you Want to keep it melodical So let me listen to all your emotions Fall into your eyes Every moment is pointing to you All I ever need is you Take nothing for granted, you're all I got Won't let them break your heart, oh, no Anywhere Baby, hold on, baby, hold on (Wherever we are) Baby, hold on, baby, hold on (No matter where we are) Even if the world is ending I wanna rock with you I wanna stay with you

ODE TO YOU 2019 - JAPAN LEG

Japan has got to be one of Wonwoo's favourite places ever. He can always be free there, despite their stardom and fame in the country. Their Japanese fanbase is one of their best fanbases - respectful and always mindful of boundaries.

The band has always been eager in ensuring they are able to provide the best show for their fans, and the first nights proved just how loved the boys were – the shows were a massive success, and despite how tight and busy their schedules were, they all genuinely enjoyed it.

During that month, you were involved behind the camera, producing parts of their documentary Hit the Road and capturing behind the scene footages for the DVD release of the said tour. Whenever they did not have shows, they had guestings, photoshoots, and other press conferences. It was only when November came that they got time off for themselves to breathe and relax after the last show in Yokohama and before the shows in Chiba commenced.

It was a restless month for them, so naturally, you became not only a producer, but also a friend they ran to with whenever they were restless and needed to vent. Your hotel room became haven to the members, either as a place to rest and bond over alcohol, or wailing wall. You always understood. Your presence made a huge difference to the members, but most especially to Wonwoo.

Wonwoo had planned his days off for a long time already, even prior his confession. He ensured you would be free from work during his time-off too. Like a practical man that he has always been, Wonwoo planned out your official date like how you would a production schedule - detailed and precise. He asked you to pack for a 3-day trip, a surprise he said, and that you would be leaving by midnight to catch your flight to Osaka. Even the the flight schedule was well thought off, ensuring your privacy was a priority. He was eager to enjoy this trip with you. It had been a month since you officially started dating but you weren't able to properly go out as a couple yet. Both of you were thrilled to have such chance and were looking forward to having an amazing time together, away from the teasing of the members.

With eager feet and sleepy eyes, you travelled to the airport, arriving right on time to catch the hour and a half flight to Osaka. You landed and settled in your hotel at around 3:00AM, with just enough time to sleep and rest before you itinerary. It was your first time to spend the night together away from your friends, but due to just how tired you both were, it was not something you immediately realised. After washing up, you went to bed and succumbed to sleep as you held each other for warmth, recharging both of your energies for your activities later that day.

The blaring alarm and the sun peeking through the curtain woke you up that morning, still buried under the duvet and hugging a pillow tight while you tried wake yourself up. As you stirred, you reached out towards your beau, missing the warmth he emitted, only to find nothing. You pried your eyes open to see the empty bed and that was when you heard the door closed and his footsteps slowly approaching. Your stomach growled in hunger as the smell of Japanese pancakes, egg rolls, and coffee permeated the air and invaded your senses.

"Good morniiiing." He mumbled in his cute little sing-song voice and accent before he placed the tray by the bed and joined you, "Breakfast in bed."

You thought you might have been dreaming. How can someone like him be your boyfriend? You might have done something good in your past life to deserve him. You were dreamy as you looked at him, inviting him your arms for warm hug to thank him. "You're the best."

"I know," Wonwoo smirked and peppered your face with kisses as he rubbed your back. "Let's eat, we need to leave soon."

Your brow raised in curiosity, "Where are we off to?"

"It's my secret."

The man winked at you. Winked! No matter how long it has been since you first met, his gestures like that could still make you lose your shit.

Wonwoo took it upon himself to drive the rented car to your destination, looking ever so flawless with a hand on the steering wheel and the other on yours. You had been bugging him to tell you where you were headed but he just smirked at you, insisting it was a surprise until you saw it. Universal Studios. Wizarding World. A place you've always wanted to visit. You were gobsmacked.

Your heart fluttered at the soft smile and gaze he gave you, "This is our first official date and I want you to remember it. You ready?" He asked ever so confidently, and you could only squeal and lean in to kiss him, and he was quick to return it.

"Let's go!" He exclaimed, both of you hopping off the car to start your adventure. You suddenly felt nervous, however, realizing he was not wearing a mask, and anyone might recognize him with that blue hair and face card on display. You were about to speak when he shook his head as if he already assumed what you were about to say, "I am not hiding. There is no need to. Let us enjoy this day, yeah?"

Encouraged by his boldness, you nodded, holding out your hand towards him, "I am sure we will."

The autumn air was crisp and cool against your skin while you soaked up the atmosphere of the park. Everything was indeed magical but it was made even better with your Wonwoo by your side.

He kept smiling at you, revelling in your squeals of excitement at everything you were seeing. He had always known just how much of a fan of the franchise you are, and seeing you enjoying this made his heart full. His efforts in making it possible were immediately rewarded by your enthusiasm.

You took photos by the entrance of the park and the Hogwarts Express, and both your competitive edge in photography were on full display. It was habit you both have whenever you were out in new places, exploring your creative sides through the lenses while being each other's supporter-slash-critic.

After the stroll by the entrance, you visited one of the shops to buy robes and scarves of your Hogwarts houses, and the wand that you can use within the the theme park. That was a must in the park, and you definitely would not miss that to complete the experience.

The shop welcomed you with warmth and the lovely smell of parchment and fabric. You busied yourself find your robes and scarves, and assisted Wonwoo in wearing his. With the height difference, you stood on your tiptoes to wrap the blue and bronze scarf around his neck as a final touch. Sneakily, his arms encircled your waist and he pecked your lips making you blush furiously, squealing on the inside.

"Oh look it matches your hair, love." You marvelled, pushing him towards the mirror so he can look at himself. "Oh, my handsome Ravenclaw." You sighed dreamily, watching him fix his glasses and wave his wand, pretending to cast a spell.

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

"It's LeviOOOsa, not LeviosAAA."

You mimicked the famous scene and both of you burst out in fits of giggles as he in turn helped you with your house scarf. He put the soft fabric around your neck, fixed your hair afterwards, and then used the scarf to playfully haul you close so he can steal another bold kiss which surprised you.

"Someone might see us!" You gasped, looking around the store to check whether there was anyone around who could see or potentially be filming you despite the both of you being in a secluded part of the store. Thankfully, it was a weekday, not a peak season, and not many people were around.

Wonwoo just chuckled, "Relax! No one's here." He leaned in once more for another sweet, lingering peck that made the lady inside you somersault.

Wonwoo did not need any spell, he alone can leave you enchanted.

You spent the day walking around the park, taking photos and videos of the sights, and trying out the rides. Wonwoo was ever so professional whenever you took his photos and in hindsight it looked as though he was just filming another content. You thought somehow that should any rumour come out, it would be best for people to assume that it was just for content, you got enough footage and photos to release something if it comes to that anyway.

However, the way Wonwoo held you close or laced your fingers or even pressed soft kisses on your forehead were giveaway that it was a personal trip. And that you weren't just a producer. You were never big on PDA, you like to hold hands or share drinks but never too comfortable to show affection whenever you were around other people, but somehow, the magical place and how surprisingly quiet the theme park was made you braver in expressing sweeter gestures. You both allowed yourself to revel in that bliss of being together in such a magical place.

You were on an all time high, heart fluttering ceaselessly as Wonwoo made your dream not only possible but also memorable. You were unsure how he made all these arrangements despite how busy you both were the past months. He just winked when you asked him saying, "I am Wonwoo, love."

Before the end of your tour, you spent time around Diagon Alley shopping for souvenirs for your friends while drinking your 3rd glass of butterbeer that day. The fizzy drink was sugary sweet that it reminded you of your first kiss. You internally laughed, remembering that moment and how shy the both of you turned after the sudden moment.

"Why?" Wonwoo asked you, as if sensing how you were feeling or thinking.

"Nothing." You shook your head and finished your beverage, your boyfriend laughing as he wiped the foam off the corners of your lips.

"Did I do well, love?"

"Hm, very well indeed."

Little did you know, Wonwoo was also thinking the same as he gazed over your every feature. His mind wandered to that first kiss inside the secrecy of your studio and how things transformed since. While you were still the same hardworking, caring producer looking after them, you became a pillar of strength for him, a home he always yearns for and goes back to. Seeing you happy and surrounded by the things you love seemed to have further developed his understanding of how utterly in love with you he is. The moment when you gushed about the famous quote, "After all this time? Always.", he made it a personal mission to make you feel his love and how grateful he is of you, always.

The streets were already dark and the show by the castle was already starting by the time you completed your shopping. All the other guests were busy running towards the show while the two of you took your time. Really letting go of his fears, Wonwoo seized the opportunity and grabbed you by your waist when you reached a darker alley in the park. Laughing, you both sneaked in towards a slightly hidden side of it until Wonwoo pinned your back against the brick wall and swiftly dipped you into an ardent kiss. You were taken aback by the suddenness of his action but kissed him back with reckless abandon, tasting the butterscotch flavour from his lips as he deepened the kiss. Soft whimpers left your lips as you clutched onto his scarf, lost in delight as his arms snaked tighter around your waist to prevent you from escaping.

You did not know how much time passed when you parted and he stared at you. He looked so sinful like that - lips red and plump from the kiss curled up in a smirk. Breathing heavily, he mumbled with his gruff voice, "Let's go back to the hotel."

Your knees buckled.

Surprisingly, the both of you managed to still have dinner at the hotel restaurant despite how tension filled the car ride back was. The meal helped ease both of your nerves after that sneaky make-out session you had in the park under the moonlight, but it still did not completely take away the unspoken truth - you both wanted each other.

The moment you entered your room, the air shifted. Wonwoo shoved the door close and caged you against it, lips covering yours in heaps of kisses. Before it led any further however, you paused and panted for air, "We need to wash up." A small chuckle escaped as he groaned and nodded, taking all the energy to pull away and rush towards the bathroom, leaving you breathless, in daze, and wanting.

Your head was spinning as you took a shower after he did, subconsciously spending time to ensure you were spotless and even using the best shower gel you have. You were still overwhelmed with your desire but you were also nervous - this would be your first time and there was no denying that it would finally come to that after long months of pining and waiting.

Wonwoo was no different. He was excited, nervous, and needy all at once but he wanted you for so long and could not wait any longer. Trying to calm himself down, he put on Avengers on the television while waiting for you. He needed his distractions and he hoped the superhero movie would do the trick.

About half an hour later, you finally emerged from the bathroom wearing your matching pyjamas and approached him in the couch where he was watching. You wondered how someone could look that great with bare face and glasses. So domestic. You sat beside him and he wrapped his arm around your body, holding you close to cuddle against his side. He breathed you in, your scent lulling him and waking up his desires that was sitting at bay. When you both mustered the courage to look at each other after a short while of tension filled silence, he tilted your head by your chin so he can continue what you both started earlier.

Wonwoo's kisses were searing and full of desire, his arms engulfing you closer until you found yourself straddling him as need simmered inside you. He traced open kisses against your jawline and the sweet spots of your neck, until his warm breath grazed your ear as he nibbled your earlobe.

"I want you..." He whispered seductively. His eyes were dark, pupils dilated as he stared intently at you, "...need you."

The dulcet tone of his voice had you reeling. There wasn't a need to convince you. You were already a beautiful mess, ready for his loving.

"I am all yours."

"Let's take this to bed, I am not about to have on a couch for our first time." He chuckled softly as you both stood, his lips still glued to yours as you stumbled towards the bedroom.

He sat by the edge of the bed and yanked you by your arm to have you on top of him. He drew you in for endless kisses, his teeth tugged on your lower lip as his hands roamed around your body, snaking inside your shirt to feel your skin. His touch was electric, making you shiver and imagine just how good he would feel touching you where you needed him to. He bruised your lips with his, drinking you up as if you were water and he was parched.

You fumbled with the buttons of his pyjama shirt, pushing it off his broad shoulders as your hand splayed along every perfect contour of his body, memorizing him. Your eyes trailed from his perfect face, down to his broad shoulders, and his narrow waist. You were completely mesmerized by how perfectly sculpted he was, akin to a statue of Greek god, and you thanked all the universe for allowing you to experience such man. Wonwoo admired your patience and how pleased you look gazing at him, but enough was enough for him. He could not wait any longer. So while you were ever gentle and patient with your actions, the man effortlessly ripped your pyjama shirt open, buttons popping out as your bareness was revealed to him, finally.

His mouth fell agape at the sight of your body for the first time ever. He imagined it for so long but to be in that moment was surreal for him. Your insides were turning into molten lava with the way he was looking at you with intentional seduction and awe while he caressed every inch of your body and brought you closer so your skin pressed firmly against his.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered, and despite the lust-filled look in his eyes, he was genuine. He caressed your supple skin as he kissed you, tongue parting your lips as if seeking entrance which you granted as you fought for dominance. He traced kisses towards the sensitive areas of your neck, down to the valley of your breasts as his hand cupped and toyed with your buds. He took one in his mouth, sucking and licking and turning his attention to the other, eliciting a rather loud groan from you.

"Oh gosh..." You were already tingling with pleasure and he hadn't done much yet. You keened in anticipation and need but Wonwoo took his sweet, sweet time with you, marking you in places only he can see. You could feel his breathing becoming heavier as you moved to ever slowly grind against his growing member to alleviate the ache in your core and allow him to feel your warm centre.

Wonwoo was lost in the moment, utterly drawn towards the scent of your skin and how you feel against his body. Your every sound and reaction was enough to drive him crazy, sending adrenaline to course through him as you both found each other in a battle of lips, teeth, and tongue. At one point his glasses became skewed, making the two of you laugh in between the flurry of hungry kisses shared.

"Take your glasses off." You mumbled, tugging on his lower lip and reaching to remove it, but he swiftly grabbed your wrist to prevent you from doing so.

"No." He said simply and quickly maneuvered the two of you so your back hit the bed as he slowly shifted downwards, his eyes fixed on yours behind those thick lenses. "I want to be able to see you clearly."

The laughter quickly dissipated as he once again pressed his lips against your skin, paying attention to every inch of you until he reached your waistband.

"May I?" He asked and you nodded, biting your lower lip and preparing yourself for his next move.

"I want to hear you say it," He mumbled against your skin like a predator playing with his victim before prowling and devouring it. You rolled your eyes playfully trying to mask your crumbling exterior but it was so impossible when he was so close to your core.

"Please touch me..." You let out and, in a blink, Wonwoo peeled off the remaining fabric covering you. His gaze darkened at the sight of your whole body on display for him under the dimmed lights of the room. Blood rushed to your cheeks and you suddenly got conscious causing you to press your thighs together instinctively but he shook his head disapprovingly before prying your thighs apart, gently.

"Love, you're incredible. Don't you ever hide from me." He held such gentle dominance as he looked into your eyes. He placed searing kisses from your knees towards your inner thighs, until he reached your core slick with arousal which made him curse under his breath. You throbbed with need as his warm breath brushed over your sensitive areas, touching you everywhere except where you need him.

"Tell me what you want, darling." Wonwoo commanded, drifting away your core and hovering over you.

"You... please..."

"You have to be specific, baby..." He teased you relentlessly, fingers snaking from your chests to tease and tweak your pebbled buds before he moved towards your aching core.

"Touch me." Your brows furrowed as you looked at him with pleading eyes, body squirming beneath him as his long fingers started circling your sensitive, swollen nub down to your slit.

"Like this?"

"Fuck!" You breathed out, hips lifting to meet his deft fingers. A devilish smirk tugged on his lips, watching every nuance of your expression that was enough to make him even harder.

"You're dripping... I want you to feel good, babe." His competitiveness was on display as he plunged his digits inside you, feeling your velvety walls as you trembled in pleasure. "You like that?" He whispered, shifting to kiss you deeply as he drew his fingers in and out of your wet cave while his thumb worked on your clit. The pleasure you were feeling was incomprehensible that moment, completely lost at the feeling of his skillful fingers driving you to the edge of release.

"Oh Wonwoo... babe..."

"I want you to come for me baby."

Wonwoo dipped his head towards your breast, taking your bud into his warm mouth and cajoled. You gasped heavily, drunk in lust as his fingers curled while he licked, sucked, and nibbled your taut nipples, completely sending you wailing as you climaxed around his fingers. He watched your orgasm for the first time ever -- lips parted, brows knitted, breath ragged -- you were hypnotizing. If your walls felt that amazing around his fingers what more his cock and the thought alone made him twitch.

He was throbbing with need to be buried inside you but he was far from over. While you were still catching the remnants of your orgasm, Wonwoo was already shifting downwards until you felt his mouth and tongue devouring your sweet release. With loud moans, you reached towards him, fingers gripping on his blue locks as he forced your hips down and continued his relentless ministrations.

"Holy shit, Wonwoo..." You whimpered, quivering as you felt another orgasm ripping through you as his wicked tongue drew circles around your clit and sucked, while his fingers entered you once more, massaging that sweet spot inside your walls until you quaked from his stimulation.

"Fucking h-hell..."

"Was it good, baby? You okay?" He asked, brow rising in full curiosity as if he was taking notes mentally.

"Are you kidding me?!"

You both giggled, drunk in each other as you pulled him towards you and wiped his glistening lips and chin, not without apologising how messy it was. Heaps of your clothing were discarded on the floor and you were left with no barriers separating you. The feeling of your warm skin against each other caused sheer delight and comfort and lust all at the same time. You admired all of him, such a work of art from head to toe, hand snaking down and tracing all his perfect ridges. You palmed his sizable length as you looked him in the eye, feeling him grow further and harder.

"Do you want me to." You asked, already trying to manoeuvre downwards before he shook his head.

"I'd fucking love to, but I can't baby, I won't last long." He admitted, a soft chuckle breaking between you as he pinned you back to the bed. "I need you bad... can I have you now...please?"

"Yes... please..."

Ever so prepared, he had a condom ready on top of the bedside cabinet which he reached out for and ripped the packet using his teeth. You were dying in anticipation as you watched him kneeling between your thighs, his trembling, eager hands trying to roll the rubber around his long, hard shaft but it kept on slipping. "Aish!" He grumbled and you both burst out laughing at his struggle. You took it from him and helped him with it, his teeth buried in his lower lip as he groaned at the feel of your warm hands stroking his aching cock after you wrapped him successfully. Your mind was completely in daze as your handsome man braced himself on the either side of your head and leaned to kiss you, aligning his length against your core before he glided through your wet folds, feeling your warm, slick pleasure coat him through the condom as he teased and prepped you for his length.

Wonwoo smiled gently at you as if he was not just teasing you. His honeyed gaze met yours, taking everything in that moment before whispering, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

You encircled your arms around his broad shoulders and he kissed you fervently, tongue diving deep as he lined his cock towards your opening. He pulled away just enough to look into your eyes while he, with one swift thrust, impaled you completely. Fully.

"Fuck baby!"

"Oh Won — babe!"

Both of you groaned in unison at that first delicious stretch. Wonwoo paused to ensure you were okay, only to be rewarded by your nodding and legs wrapping around him. Wonwoo fit you perfectly, like lock and key, made for each other. He smirked, and then he drew out and drove forward, again and again, building up the rhythm and intensity of his thrusts. Your warm walls gave him an in-drawing sensation everytime he pulled out and your loud mewl signalled that he was hitting that special part inside you.

"There?" He asked, memorizing the way you respond at every angle as his huge cock breached your walls repeatedly.

"Yes baby... fuck... keep going!" You breathed out, fingers tugging his hair so you could kiss him as he plowed into your depths.

"You feel so fucking good around me me, baby."

Your loud moans matched each other as he felt the tight pleasure of your core, feeling you pulse and clamp around his length. His deep voice resonated in your head, so erotic as he buried his face in the crook of your neck while his cock throbbed inside you. He bucked his hips upwards with varying yet precise intensity as if trying to mark and claim you as his. The harmonies of your moans and grunts, along with the creaking of the bed and skin slapping filled the room. It was nearly impossible fathom the pleasure you both were feeling after longing for that intimate moment for so long.

As if you weren't on the verge already, Wonwoo dove down and wrapped his talented mouth around your nipple hungrily, making you shudder in delight. You clawed at the broad planes of his back as you gyrated your hips to meet his every thrust, contracting around his length as he bucked deeper and harder each time.

"I am so close - fuck baby." He grunted as he moved with vigor and eagerness, chasing his high and encouraging yours.

"Holy shit - me too -"

Every cell of your body was on fire as he snaked his hand down, rubbing your sensitive clit. His lips found yours and with few more thrusts, sent you closer and closer to your white bliss.

"With me, baby. Cum with me..." He whispered, slamming into you hard and you both spiralled into your glorious, mind-numbing orgasm, cursing and wailing each other's name. You felt his length twitch inside you as he came while your walls clenched around him, milking every last drop of his sweet ecstacy. He was unsure how such insurmountable pleasure was possible. It was nowhere near his imagination as he watched you quaking underneath him as you both reached your climax.

"Oh baby..." You chased his lips with sweet, open-mouthed kisses as he rested his forehead against yours while he tried to steady himself. You continued the gentle movements as you rode out your climax, feeling every perfect sensation and every remnant of the mind-blowing explosion.

He panted heavily, nuzzling against your skin before finding the will to finally pull out of you as he kissed you gently few minutes later. He rolled your body on top of him and engulfed you in his arms as you slowly drifted back to earth. He cupped your face, wiped the streak of pleasure-filled tear that cascaded your cheek, and kissed you ever so gently in contrast of how he did earlier.

You traced soft circles against his skin as you both fully regained your senses and breathing, and suddenly found yourself chortling in drunken pleasure - like you did when you had your first kiss.

"You're amazing. I love you, Y/N."

Your heart fluttered, as if it was the first time you heard him say that. It was always magical whenever he did so. He was a man who preferred actions than words, so hearing him say it always tugged your heartstrings.

"You are otherworldly, Jeon Wonwoo." You murmured and he kissed you once more, smiling against your still plump lips.

"And I love you, too. So much."

ODE TO YOU, 7 NOVEMBER, CHIBA

Those three days spent with Wonwoo were indeed filled with memories. You were busy with activities to rest and relax during the day while you spent the night tangled in each other intimately, making the most out of your time and somehow releasing all the pent-up desire you had for each other. By the time you had gone back to the team, Wonwoo had about 3 more days to fully rest before the start of their last 3-day show in Chiba.

The team was excited to make things memorable, given that they would be closing the Japan leg of the tour with a total of 9 shows in the country. They were all ready to roll and make the best out of their performance despite the week of rest not being enough to fully rest and recover.

All was going well until Dino had to be rushed to the hospital mid-day of their first show in Chiba due to a bad case of enteritis, causing him to not be able to participate in their show. This caused not only a massive pressure to the team having to adjust their performance and cover for Dino's absence, but also a deep-seated worry for their youngest's condition.

You entered the assembly room where the directors were briefing them as they prepared and that was when you noticed it -- they were exhausted and in pain. You knew the telltale signs, you had seen it with BTS for years and you had seen it with the team having been working with them for two years.

Most of them were being taped up and assisted by the physical therapists to avoid injuries and further strains. Seungcheol was stretching and wincing from body pains. Some were just sitting and enduring as much as they can. The endless schedule had already taken a toll on them.

Wonwoo sat quietly by the assembly room listening intently but as you monitored the footages from the camera directors, you felt something was off with him, too. Cold sweat beaded his forehead and the tremors in his hands were more noticeable than ever. He had been blotting sweat from his face more than he normally does and even the stylists had to blowdry his hair and shirt repeatedly.

It was something you could not ignore as worry started to kick your gut. You approached the stylists' table and requested a box of facial tissue from them and told them you'd take over in helping Wonwoo, given that there were a lot they still had to look after because of the delays that happened that day. They were all grateful for your help and it was not the first time you needed to step in. You did that a lot for BTS before, too.

When you approached Wonwoo, his shoulders sank and he gave you that soft, pleading gaze - those were huge warning signals that he was not at his best. At times like that even before you started officially dating, Wonwoo would lie in the couch and rest his head against a pillow on your lap, and you normally would just brush his hair with your fingers or massage his scalp. This time, though, it was not something you both could do just yet given that the show was just about to start.

"You okay? You're sweating buckets."

"I am okay, just nervous, I guess."

You smiled softly at him, folding a piece of facial tissue and pressing it into his forehead to blot off his sweat. He reached to hold one of your hands, a silent appreciation for being by his side that moment. His hand was cold and clammy and he was not always like that despite the usual tremors in his hand. He held your hand a little tighter, a little more desperate, and tugged you closer to him as if wanting to feel the warmth you emit to ease whatever storm was inside him.

"You need to take it easy today, love. All of you." You maintained a calm, soothing tone in your voice as your styled his hair to dry off some areas drenched with sweat. He closed his eyes, immediately relaxing when he felt your fingers massaging his temples and scalp as he sighed in delight.

"But Dino's not around, we need to do good."

"You are all naturally great, so try and breathe and not worry too much. Just enjoy it, yeah?"

Wonwoo nodded and smiled at you, hands remained glued to you, whether your hands or waist or anything he could reach as if drawing strength from that contact.

About 30 minutes before showtime, the director instructed them to huddle in the backstage for photos and other instructions The air was still tense, but you felt Wonwoo relax a little, until he laced your fingers together, and with a pleading look on his face, whispered, "Stay by my side."

"I am here, always." You laced your fingers tighter as your other hand gently squeezed his biceps until you reached backstage. He reluctantly pulled away, fingers lingering slightly until he already needed to join the members. "Thank you, I'll work hard."

Your bright smile and encouragement were more than enough to boost his confidence, "You got this. Fighting!"

As they got to the stage, you put your producer hat back on, monitoring the footages for the documentary and instructing the head camera director on the types of footages you want. As expected, they were all doing well, fans were enjoying, and it was just the first set. You, however, could not help but notice Wonwoo's unsual tensed, heavy breathing and that made your stomach turn. You tried busying yourself knowing that worrying would not help at all, but as always, your guts were right.

It was just as they left the stage that your heard someone calling you, your assistant producer panting for air. "PD-nim, come quick! It's Wonwoo!"

"What happened?!"

You had never sprinted that quick before in your life. Blood drained your face as you saw your boyfriend lying down on the stretcher in the brink of unconsciousness, surrounded by medics and many other people.

"Filming is not a priority now, make space." You heard one of the medics instruct as he loosened Wonwoo's shirt and lifted his head.

You squeezed into the area and despite being worried, maintained a collected and professional demeanor as to not aggravate how Wonwoo was feeling. He always hated making people worry, hated making you worry.

"You heard the doctors, please make space. Filming is not a priority, please go now."

You requested, keeping your cool but you were slowly losing patience when some staff members filming still pressed on shooting footages of Wonwoo and what was happening, blocking the way of incoming first aid supplies from the medics.

"Didn't you hear? FILMING. IS. NOT. A. PRIORITY. NOW!"

There was that controlled yet heavy emphasis on your words, gazing sharply at the camera men. Some of them finally realized it was you, one of the head producers of the documentary they were shooting the footages, and all backed away as their head camera director reached the area, requesting for them to leave and he would cover.

"Y/N -" Wonwoo croaked, and you immediately rushed towards him, taking his trembling, clammy hand and massaging him to increase the flow of blood. Your heart broke at the sight of him struggling to catch his breath - his face pale, body tensed, and hands cold as ice.

"I'm here, Won, I got you baby..."

You whispered with determined calm, taking the can of portable oxygen the medic handed you and placed it by his nose and mouth. "Take a deep breath, love, slowly... come on."

Wonwoo obliged, brows furrowed as he struggled to steady his breathing and take in as much oxygen. Few moments later, the stage director called out to update that the next set was about to start. You were opposed to letting him back on stage, but you did not speak, it was not up to you. It was Wonwoo's decision. Wonwoo, still so weak started slowly getting up, assisted by the medics. The stylists quickly fetched his change of clothes for the next so he can change. You knelt in front of where he was seated to remove his shoes and switch pants and then assisted him in wearing the shoes again. He was still so weak and it was eating you alive seeing him like that, but he wanted to endure. Standing, he leaned against your body, wrapping his arm around your shoulders as you and his manager helped him towards the stage. You can sense the intensity of his breathing and the pounding of his chest paired with the disappointed look on his face.

"It's okay, Wonwoo." You looked into his in the eyes, trying to hopefully convince him to sit it out and reassure him it's okay if he can't, but his eyes flashed determination to see it through.

"I am okay. I am ready." He said to you and the manager as you handed him to the stage director and the members who were on his side in a blink.

He got back to the stage where he belongs, shining and performing so beautifully, as if nothing happened backstage. You became even more in awe of the man that he is.

Releasing the breath you had been holding, you got back to working. Wonwoo endured and you must, too.

"Cancel all the scheduled interviews and shoot we have with the boys tonight and tomorrow."

"What?" Your co-producers released an incredulous gasp at your request.

"They are tired. They are getting sick and they need to rest." There was authority in your voice and even the managers agreed with you.

"But - "

"But what?"

"We have schedules to follow."

You scoffed unamused.

The tension was heavy in the assembly room where you were holding the end of show huddle. Little did you know it all can be heard in the other room where the boys were resting and changing, all ears on the conversations happening and even talking amongst themselves.

"Really? You'd choose the schedule over the safety of the members? You want to see all of them crawling and dragging themselves in the backstage because of how exhausted they all are?"

You stood from you seat and scratched your temple, "I have been telling you this since before we got here. Their schedules are packed, they do not get enough rest. We are not the ones performing on stage and practicing 20 hours a day, they are."

Your voice resounded and the thin, wooden wall separating the rooms did nothing to mask. The members heard you fighting for them, brazenly.

"Look, I am not trying to start a fight, but I sure as hell am willing to spend extra days and hours filming them myself if that means they'd get the chance to rest in between their shows. Allow them to rest and live and survive. That's all I am asking. How about you? How much are you willing to risk their wellbeing?"

Everyone was speechless. Your intention was evident that day - you were not solely focused on Wonwoo, you were also checking on the other members and ensuring your team wasn't bugging them like they did with Wonwoo. You were right and they knew not to question you, because despite worrying over Wonwoo and being in a relationship him, it had always been clear how fair and professional you are in terms of your work.

The meeting adjourned right after that, with the agreement that you'd take over reviewing the filming schedule and carry out the interviews yourself. As always, you were the last to leave the room with all of them dispersing. Packing your items, you left to check on the members in the other room, shocked at how they all rushed towards you, tackling you with their hugs and gushing at how cool you were for what you did. Wonwoo, on the other hand, just smiled and watched you with adoring eyes - his heart swelled in gratitude towards you and your presence.

"Yah! Enough of that! I am the one who's sick!" Your boyfriend playfully shouted, approaching you with a small pout as you all broke into fits laughter.

"Oh, my poor Wonu." You cooed and spread your arms for him, and he immediately threw his body onto yours, his arms looping tight around you and burying his face against your neck. The team acted as though they were gagging seeing you like that, but more than the teasing, you all understood the feeling of relief knowing Wonwoo was already much better.

When you reached the hotel, you went to your room to wash the day away with a warm hot shower. You were prepred to work and adjust the schedule of your docu filming when a sudden knock surprised you. You opened the door and there was Wonwoo, carrying his bag and some of his stuff.

"I'll sleep here." He said nonchalantly, entering your room as you took some of his stuff to help him. His eyes were baggy, forehead tensed, and gaits heavy. He did not need to say anything, the deep connection you have was enough for you to know that he was still carrying what happened.

You nodded and beamed at him, "Okay, I'll prep the shower for you, then."

"Thank you, love." He leaned in and you met him in a tender kiss, letting him fix his stuff as you went to the shower to start running it so the water would be at the perfect temperature for him. You pulled out the extra robe from the cabinet and hung it by the door, and even had the hair blower plugged in for later.

He looked so refreshed and relieved once he stepped out of the shower in the robe, his blue hair still dripping.

"Come here." You muttered; another towel ready at your lap. You pat the spot next to you by the bedside and you shifted your body to face him once he was seated. You wrapped the towel around his head, ever so gently squeezing the water out until it was just damp enough. You took the hair dryer plugged into the socket by the bedside table and stood in between his legs, fingers combing through his locks as you blow-dried his hair. Wonwoo released a relieved sigh as your fingers massaged his scalp, his arms automatically wrapping around you to pull you closer so he can rest his head against your chest.

"Love, you did amazing earlier. Seeing you endure like that for the show was incomprehensible."

"Love -"

You adjusted slightly so you can tilt his head and look him in the eyes. You caressed his cheek softly and he closed his eyes while nuzzling against your touch. He saw that sincerity in your eyes and he knew you weren't just buttering him up to make him feel better. You were never that person, you allow him to feel and be human.

"I know you aren't as satisfied, but everyone loved your performance, especially your carats. And I am so proud of you even though I was dying with worry. You did your absolute best for them, literally risking your life and that says everything."

Wonwoo's heart felt lighter at your words, the frown in his face visibly relaxing as a soft grin tugged the corner of his lips. His hand snaked from your waist towards your nape as he pulled you down to kiss you lovingly.

"It's okay that you are sad now, love. But don't let it eat you up. You still have two shows left, and I am certain you'd also do amazing, and convey your emotions better."

Wonwoo pulled you to the bed and rolled the both of you into the bed and under the duvet, his head resting against your chest, ready to bid the day farewell so he can recharge and greet a new day better and with renewed strength.

"In case I haven't told you recently, I love you, Y/N." He mumbled sleepily but you can hear the smile in his voice.

"In case you it's not obvious, I love you, too, Jeon Wonwoo." You kissed his forehead and continued running your fingers through his locks and massaging his scalp until the two of you drifted off to dreamland.

You'll both be okay, so long as you're together.

Fighting round in circles where is the way out 'Cause I know that our love was hotter than the sun Yeah, the taste of this tequila I'm drinking now Isn't bitter than my heart I want to know our problem, blood type or DNA? Friends see my feed and worry, do you babe? Yeah Been waiting for your call every night But I can't wait no more Dialing you Sorry, darling you You know, without you, I'm so lonely When you're not here, 911 calling Into your heat again, I'm diving Darling you, darling you, baby You know, without you I'm so lonely If you won't be here 911 calling Falling to you I'm always diving Darling you, darling you, baby Darlin', with me under the sun I know that you're my one I don't wanna let you go I can't think of being alone What am I supposed to do? And I gotta let you know You got my heart like it's yours Don't wanna say goodbye I see you, you see me I care for you, you care for me We can be all we need Promise, I won't take you for granted never I'mma treat you better I'mma see you better So honey, now come into my arms yeah Kiss me baby Kiss me baby

In 2020, the merger was officially announced, you as one of the regular producers for Hybe became even more active in supporting the bands, mainly BTS and Seventeen.

Your relationship with Wonwoo became more open - to your friends and to colleagues, who did not seem to worry about it. You were grateful that they were understanding of it, knowing it was inevitable. You remained private and away from public scrutiny, given his prestige. You remained professional and it proved to have no impact on deliverables, the relationship even proved to be helpful, with Wonwoo having more energy when working or the team having someone to talk to about their concerns or share their ideas with. The bond grew stronger, both professionally and personally.

The pandemic proved to be rather difficult and took a toll on both groups who have been working non-stop for years. It meant more efforts were put in ensuring that they would all be safe while being able to still produce quality contents for the fans who need them the most.

That was when you gave birth to and pitched your idea -- In the Soop. A show intended to give them time to heal and recover, while allowing fans to still have quality programme and feel some semblance of normality.

ITS was your brainchild specifically designed for BTS and eventually Seventeen, and because of this, you were assigned as an Executive Producer of the show for the first time ever. It was a hit for BTS and then the preparation for Seventeen ITS officially started -- double in size, double the work, double the chaos.

You were in the filming set 3 days prior the members, an advanced party to ensure everything was ready - from the location to product placements, and even the activities they had planned out. You were not in your best mood, if you were being honest, as the last night you spent with Wonwoo before you left ended in a bitter note.

The day before your scheduled departure, you had your pre-flight checks with the members and the staff to talk through all the preparations made, ensuring everyone was all set for the filming. Caffeine ran in your blood trying to keep you awake since the previous weeks had been hectic with all the last-minute product sponsorship and placement offers. During the meeting and the dinner after, you had spent most of the time with Joshua, talking about the activities and even suggesting some more stuff that can be added where possible. Normally, Wonwoo did not mind things like this especially when you were at work, but you were confused to see his sour expression throughout the whole meeting and until you drove home to your apartment where he also sometimes stays. The whole drive was quiet, and it was not the usual comfortable silence you usually shared after busy days.

"You alright, babe?" You asked, pouring him a glass of water and handing it over to him. It was a normal routine whenever you got home, a glass of water for the two of you before your usual rituals as he liked to call it. That night, he just nodded at your question and went towards the bedroom, dismissing the water you offered. You immediately knew something was off. It was a very Wonwoo thing to do to just stay quiet whenever he was feeling or dealing with something uncomfortable.

On normal occasions, you would let it pass and give him time to breathe, knowing he always would crawl back to bed and talk about it. You on the other hand, would normally do something special in order to apologise or make amends.

That night was different.

Your body was aching in exhaustion from the past month of juggling work and other matters. Truly, you wanted to spend the night relaxing with him as planned, but he suddenly had the cold shoulder. Your temples throbbed in pain at the thought of something like this occurring before such a busy and special week for the both of you.

Entering the room after about an hour of contemplating, you saw him already washed up and busy with his phone as he lied in the bed.

“Aren't you going to tell me what's wrong?” You asked, tone a little off – brought about many factors and your emotions overwhelming you.

"Nothing's wrong." He pressed, looking at you with the same sour expression he had during dinner, jaw tensed and eyes blank.

"There's obviously something wrong."

Another silence. Another exasperated sigh from him.

"I am fine."

You approached him in the bed, sitting by the edge as you reached out for him to hopefully soothe him. "I don't believe that... let's talk about it..."

"Then don't! There's nothing to talk about."

That was when you snapped. The harsh answer he gave and the way he blatantly avoided you were enough triggers for you to lose it.

You already fought over silly things or concerns couples would normally fight about but nothing lasted more than a day. You always ensured to make up before the day ended, and you did not sleep on any issues you had. This time he was flat out cold and mean, and you were angry and exhausted enough to deal with his attitude.

"I have no energy for this, please." Your gaze was gentle in contrast with his stone-cold expression as his jaw clenched and avoided eye contact. “I am so tired, let’s just –”

"Is it my fault you're tired?!" He cut you off sarcastically, fuelling the your fire until you combusted.

"Did I say it was because of you? You're impossible! You were the one who's been giving me this attitude since this afternoon when all I want is to be with you tonight! If you are tired of this relationship, just fucking tell me and I'll leave instead of you acting like that!" You blurted, breathless, voice laced with both pain and fury, then walked away and slammed the door shut to spend the night in the living room so you both can have some space to cool down.

Your heart felt so heavy you cried yourself to sleep.

You were sleepless that night, tossing and turning in bed, eyes puffy from crying, wondering what went wrong and how things transpired. That morning before leaving, you shook him awake to let him know, and he just groaned, still fast asleep and unable to even pry his eyes open.

While you were busy with preparations, you still wanted to ensure he was alright, but unfortunately, you ended receiving with 1-word updates and responses from him, 'studio', 'home', 'okay'. Aside from that, he completely ignored your calls, either intentionally or when he was busy playing games or packing his stuff for the trip with the members. It was driving you crazy the entire time, but you had massive responsibilities in your plate, and you did not want to bother any other person.

Your heart wasn't cooperating, though. It felt as though a huge brick was sitting atop of your chest while you were working. You thought that maybe you were right, that maybe he wanted out and the thought alone was killing you inside. How could it be? Was it a long time coming? If it was, you were not sure when it started. You were perfectly fine the last few months and everything seemed normal so you could not understand what had gone wrong. These thoughts plagued your mind whenever you weren't distracted by work. You turned your full attention to work, ensuring there was no idle time for you, in the hope to alleviate your fears even just by a fraction.

The last day before their arrival, you were caught up with so much last-minute work, pulling an all-nighter in your cabin to sort some final requests. The staff knew just how huge your role was and just how much effort you poured into this. They wanted to at least ensure you would be able to get some rest because you were doing all the heavy-lifting before it all even started, hence allocating you the small cabin near the upper house.

Your personal phone was left forgotten by the bed since the morning of the last day of preparation. You did not have reason to bring it with you, he had been ignoring you anyway and the quiet of your phone the last two days caused more pain and frustration. Besides, you also considered the crucial bits that had to be done that day required your undivided attention.

Buried in piles of work with your staff and directors until dawn, you missed his numerous calls and messages you never even realised you received.

Your strength waned and your body gave up and succumbed to sleep around 7:00 AM, the day of their scheduled arrival.

You finally caught a bug after draining yourself – falling sick at the first day of shoot.

Great.

Not.

Wonwoo was losing his mind.

He had been calling you since the day before their departure – wanting to speak, apologize, or even just hear your voice to bring even a dose of sanity back into his system. He sent you multiple messages asking how you were, whether you were busy, or what you were doing. Even that morning when he left the dorm, he tried calling to tell you he was on his way but was only routed to your voicemail without hearing anything back. He almost reached out to other producers, but it was one thing you both agreed not to do – never involve other staff. The members naturally would be involved or rather involve themselves due to the level of deep relationships you have, but never the other staff members.

Dino noticed the hard expression on his face, eyes tired as he took the reigns in driving to the location. He was tired but it was a way for him to clear his mind and become distracted.

"You alright, hyung? Did you sleep last night?" The youngest inquired, both curious and worried that his older brother might be a little too tired to drive.

"Ah, yes. I am okay. Just stayed up playing games so I only slept couple of hours." He faked a laugh and focused on the road. “Don’t worry.”

"Aish! Oh well, we can sleep as long as we can for a week."

Wonwoo hummed in agreement.

Although, he was not sure on whether he can sleep at all with what's happening between the two of you. He had not been sleeping well since the night of the fight.

They arrived at the venue a little past lunchtime, just as you finished preparing for the day. You were in so much pain and craving rest, but it was the most crucial part of the shoot – to welcome them In the Soop.

The cars pulled over the driveway one by one, filling the area with the usual energy the thirteen members always have. The way they bickered and giggled and marvelled at the surroundings echoed around the quiet forest and that strengthened and excited you to leave the room to officially welcome them. It was something they had looked forward to for a long time, knowing just how much they also enjoyed their seniors’ content. You were looking forward to that moment, too, after nearly a year of planning for this to finally happen. All of them greeted you from afar when you left the cabin, bright smiles warming your heart.

The moment you saw Wonwoo leaving the car, it hit you once more just how deeply you love him. Despite what happened, there was a sense of comfort his presence gave. You've been together for two years already and while the initial start of your relationship was all intense outpour of pent-up emotion and affection, it transitioned to a 'calm' type of love when your relationship grew. The love you have is a type of love that one would yearn for – like a hug after a long day, a warm cup of hot chocolate during winter, or a home to go back to after being away – your love has always been a soft place to land. No arguments or misunderstandings could take away the fact that your home would always be each other.

He felt the same - the way he softly looked at you conveyed the things he could not say then.

You never wanted the members to suspect something was happening with the two of you, so you took it upon yourself to get the awkward hello out of the way. You approached Wonwoo and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek and he held you by your waist tightly, no matter how brief it was.

It would suffice for now, you both thought.

Of course, the members noticed something seemed off. It had been three days and normally you would be a bit more affectionate. They expected Wonwoo to run towards you as he always did, hold your hand, or wrap you in his arms. There was none of that and there was an unexplained tension between you.

Beneath your smiles and the excitement as you showed them around the area, you were just trying to power through the pounding headache and nausea, paired with your emotional turmoil. Joshua noticed it first, as always, and then Jeonghan. You had a tired look on your face, sunken eyes, and trembling hands as you instructed them. They immediately knew something was happening, they know you. No one was brave enough to voice it out, though you sensed their worries.

When everyone finally settled down, you retreated to your room to answer emails and send updates to you bosses and to the team, delegating the first parts of the interview snippets that must be completed that day. You were sneezing endlessly and your temperature continued to rise as you pressed on working. Thankfully, the test kit was negative, so you knew it was just a regular bug.

Your time alone did not last too long as Jeonghan barged into your room, asking you about what happened. You denied and told him you were just sick, but Jeonghan did not buy it, so he held you hostage in your room until you finally shared that apart from being sick, the fight with Wonwoo was a huge factor on why you were not at your 100%. He knew the woes of being in a relationship and how it can impact one person, and for that you truly appreciated him.

"I'll ask Shua to bring you food."

"No, I'll be fine."

"Eeehh, I don’t care. Shut up and rest." He insisted, already leaving your cabin to go to the kitchen you assumed.

You caved in and you were only woken up when Joshua's soft voice echoed around the room and the smell of stew wafted through the air. You were leaning down the table napping when he saw you gently stirring awake. You had already lost track of time.

"You okay, Y/N?"

Joshua’s kind eyes widened as he saw you, worry evident in his voice as he placed the pot down, and gently assisted you to a better position. He dashed to get a pillow, placed it on the back of the chair to make it comfortable, and served you the stew he prepared for you.

"Since when are you sick?" He gently asked, handing you a spoon, and placing a hand against your forehead to feel your warm skin.

"This morning, I guess. It's just a bug, I'll be fine with some more sleep."

Joshua had always been caring towards you, like he would with other members. There was something about the way he paid attention to you that you appreciate a lot, but you never gave it another meaning. He has always been a gentle friend and he genuinely cares about everyone.

"Do you want me to call Wonwoo?"

"No, I am okay. Thank you so much, you should get back there. I need you guys in the camera." You managed to laugh before coughing, and he swiftly gave you a glass of water. He smiled gently at you, watching you savour the stew, staying just a little longer and ensuring you’d eat before leaving requested.

“Feel better, Y/N.”

Wonwoo saw Jeonghan and Joshua leave your cabin, and that did not help how he was feeling. He saw them preparing meals, and while he did not ask, he assumed it was for you since it was your favourite kimchi stew. Your name also popped up in the conversation as they prepared your meal, talking about you quietly as if hiding something. Instead of asking, Wonwoo chose to be quiet – thinking that your personal issues don't have a place there, you were there to work, after all.

He spent the night with the members, laughing, playing games, and just relaxing until it was time to sleep. You did not hear anything from him that night, but you saw him once you start checking footages when you woke up by the middle of the night. It was a relief to see him like that, resting and enjoying without any pressure despite technically still being at work.

The next day, the team had more free time to laze around or do as they pleased. Wonwoo and Joshua spent more time in the playroom after their brunch, working on their crafts or building blocks. The older member seized the opportunity to speak with your boyfriend, perhaps to gain more understanding of what was happening and why Wonwoo seemed to be in the dark about your situation.

"How's Y/N? Is she feeling better?" Joshua asked, testing the waters and checking whether Wonwoo even knew you were sick. Joshua did not see Wonwoo visit you that morning and not even when you were basically dragging yourself towards the production team to give instructions while you were covered in thick jackets and double masks.

Wonwoo's expression did not lie – there was flinch in his expression coupled with a surprised and worried look no matter how much he tried to hide it, "Yeah. She's okay... just busy." Wonwoo's jaw tensed.

Joshua nodded, fully taking in that it was right you got into a fight and that Wonwoo was unaware you were sick. "That's good to hear. You should spend time together once she's fully recovered. We've the week here, you know. And away from prying eyes, too, except ours of course." Joshua gave Wonwoo a knowing smile, trying to lighten the mood.

Wonwoo smiled and nodded before walking outside the house just in time for Jeonghan to invite him for a walk. He felt weak, knees wobbling at the thought of you sick and upset, and then him unable to explain why he acted such way few nights ago.

Jeonghan and Wonwoo strolled through the woods, appreciating the nature and the privacy of the place despite cameras here and there. The sun peeked through the thick trees and the branches, casting a nice shadow around the trail they were walking on. Every one thought the place was amazing, carefully chosen for them in such a perfect time of the year. Wonwoo wanted to enjoy, but what's happening between you was eating him up for the past few days already.

Wonwoo understood it was only natural for Jeonghan to step in during such situation. He has always and been the team's mom-slash-counsellor, and the reason why he asked him to walk with him was clear – you. Jeonghan has always been such an observant but more than that, he cares a lot about you and Wonwoo separately and together.

"Do you know she's sick?" Jeonghan asked plainly, looking up at his younger brother who just shook his head.

"Yah!" He scolded Wonwoo with a disapproving look on his face and hit his arms. "I had to coerce her to tell me since when she was sick and learned she had not been sleeping well since the fight, too. She needs you now. I don't care what happened, but you need to fix it, you're obviously not okay too, and the show might be impacted because of this."

"I don't know how to start, hyung." Wonwoo mumbled, brows furrowed at he looked at his older brother as if seeking guidance. "She's still angry, I think."

"Aaah, you THINK? How many of her texts and calls did you ignore like she is a nuisance?"

"I tried calling yesterday... just —"

"She's already sick and working her ass off. Her heart was probably heavy, too, not knowing why you suddenly got angry at her." Jeonghan shared, just trying to make Wonwoo realize how much you need his support that moment especially.

"I am not angry."

"Then why did you act that way?"

Wonwoo could not speak. It was too complicated and embarrassing to admit.

They continued walking in silence as Wonwoo pondered on things. Seungcheol saw them and caught-up, and Wonwoo felt even more pressured as though his parents would be telling him off any minute then.

"Y/N looks like a zombie earlier. I got scared I saw her walking to get water in the fridge outside. I did not know she was sick!" Seungcheol chuckled as if amused but Jeonghan gave him the look that made him purse his lips.

"Ah, you fought?" Seungcheol asked Wonwoo.

"Yeah. My fault. I got jealous and was an ass towards her." Wonwoo finally admitted, scratching the back of his neck as Jeonghan and Seungcheol snorted and shook their heads. The couple casually laced their hands together, no fears at all as they savoured the secrecy of the place. Wonwoo’s heart ached, he wanted that, too. He wanted to hold your hands, watch the sunset and the stars with you, and bask in nature with you by his side.

"Do you doubt her? Your relationship?"

"No! Never!" Wonwoo was quick to respond. There was nothing like that. He trusts you wholeheartedly, but he just got insecure somehow, especially with the affection others showed you.

"Then why don't you tell her what's wrong? You know whatever it is, you are both adults, you just need to talk about it. That's what Hannie and I do every time. Just talk, communication is always the key, even though you hate that sometimes."

Seungcheol's advice were always practical and straightforward - an ace of a true leader. He has always been sensitive and considerate, but real blunt when needed.

"Besides," Jeonghan said, his voice softer this time as if trying to coax Wonwoo out of his bubble, "she misses you, but she is waiting and giving you time to come into your senses. Did you know she personally bought the telescope you requested because she wanted it to be special and based on what you really want?"

Wonwoo's eyes widened in surprise, then turned his head down as he answered a meek, "No."

"In the Soop is her baby and she is excited for this turn great, not for herself but for us members. And for you. She has been looking forward to it for months." Seungcheol added. "She'll listen to you whatever it is, Wonwoo, she loves you. You just have to trust yourself and trust her, too."

Guilt was eating Wonwoo inside. It hurt so much to hear that you were sick, and he wasn't even there to ask how you are and look after you. It hurt to hear that your friends know just how much you love him, yet he still acted that way that night. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were right, whatever it was, he needed to fix it. Wallowing in jealousy, fear and pride would not help.

Wonwoo nodded at them and released a deep breath, mumbling a soft thank you to the two.

"Now go, we need time alone." Seungcheol requested with a soft snicker, pointing towards the direction of your cabin. "Good luck."

Wonwoo's heart was pounding. He was too scared and anxious on how the conversation will end. There were endless scenarios in his head but most of all, he was frightened that you would really choose to leave. The gloomy weather that followed did not help either. He found himself by the tarp having tea with Minghao, trying to still compose himself before going. And, he did not go to you right away. If he was being honest, he just showered again to buy himself some more time.

Your cabin was secluded just a few steps from the main house, even then, he took slow and careful steps towards it. It was dark inside apart from the warm light coming from the open curtains of your cabin. He knew you were there as the producers forced you to rest the whole day.

He silently approached your door which was slightly ajar and watched you. You were wrapped in blanket with your back facing the door as you browsed your phone and read conversations and missed messages, before locking it and curling up. His heart felt heavy seeing you like that, alone in the dark, sick, and worried. It was another punch in his gut that he could no longer bear.

The room smelt of berries and mint, the way it normally would whenever you just got out of shower. He always loved that smell, it reminds him of home every time, reminds him of you. He even got his own one he used whenever he was on tour and you weren’t with them just so he would not miss you too much. The smell is always a reminder of good times and that no matter how long the road takes him away, you would always be waiting for him. It stirred something inside him – he cannot lose you.

Finally taking a deep breath, he entered the room. You would know those footsteps from anywhere no matter how quiet it was, but even then, you weren't quick enough because in just a blink, the bed dipped as he crawled under the duvet, his arm wrapping around your middle to pull you plush against his body. Your heart clenched and despite everything that happened, his embrace was all you needed. A sudden wash of calm and relief flooded your entire being as if a heavy load was lifted off your chest. Eyes remaining closed, you allowed him to lace your fingers together and pulled him closer, too. No amount of sleep and rest can ever beat his warmth.

"I am sorry, Y/N." He whispered, pressing soft kisses against your shoulders and towards your neck and cheek, feeling him gently sniffling. "I am so sorry." His voice was merely a whisper, as if he was just thinking out loud.

Your heart ached, feeling a drop of his tear that made you turn your body to face him. You met his eyes brimming with tears as his lips quivered. The sight broke your heart. There was something behind those tears, a deeper reason why things turned out the way they did. Just how hurt he looked that moment made you pray to all the gods for them to take those pain away.

"Wonwoo, I am sorry, too." You whispered, wiping the lone tear that cascaded against his beautiful face. Before leaning in closer as he pulled you in to eliminate all the distance between you. He pressed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes as he tried to compose himself.

"I am so scared you'd leave me. I am scared that you would realize others can take better care of you, cook food when you're sick, say all the right things... I am scared you'd realize you deserve someone better." Wonwoo whispered softly, eyes searching yours. He was hurt, jealous, and frustrated, but most of all, anxious. Anxious that you would leave him after what happened and after how he acted. Anxious that he ruined his home.

"Hey, where is this coming from?" You asked soothingly, gently brushing your fingers through his scalp as you tried to get to the root of whatever was causing it.

He hesitated at first, pressing his lips together, unable to form words to explain how he felt.

"It's all okay, you can tell me, my love." You encouraged, massaging the back of his head to soothe him.

"Shua-hyung noticed you were sick. I did not even see it because I was so selfish and jealous. I got so jealous of him that night even though I should not have, I know it was just work. Then yesterday when he cooked for you –” He paused, brows scrunched up in frustration as his voice quivered, "I could not even cook for you, the best I could do is ramyeon, and I was not even here to take care of you when you were really sick!"

Memories of that day came flashing before your eyes. You did not notice that during the meeting Joshua was making you laugh and complimenting you every so often, but Wonwoo saw that. The way Joshua gave you a lingering hug and reminded you take it easy made Wonwoo evaluate whether he was able to give such comfort or whether he had become complacent and too comfortable with the relationship. He thought of all the times he was busy playing games for hours when you might have needed him. He thought of those times when he was not able to pay attention to you because he knew you were just there, and he knew you wouldn't leave. It scared him that he might’ve taken your presence for granted. He always felt the Joshua has feelings for you and he thought about how easy it would be to love such person.

You, on the other hand, never paid attention to such things because all you ever wanted was Wonwoo. That night all you were looking forward to was him alone. He always told you he'd like to be better at things, but you love him as he is. The simple mundane things you do together are more than enough – the way he complains whenever he is losing, the way he silently tangles himself with your body after long days at work, the way you gossip about stuff until the wee hours of the night, the way he brings you home little trinkets from tours whenever you were unable to come with them, and the way he holds you with nothing but soft reminders of just how much he loves you. You could not ask for more than what you both have.

He cupped your face and pressed his lips together, swallowing a lump of tear, "I’ll treat you better, see you better. I’ll be better. I can't lose you and I am terrified the last few days that maybe I just did."

"Wonwoo love, listen to me. I am sorry I made you feel that way. I am sorry that you got scared because of whatever I said or how I acted. To be honest, that night, I just really wanted you. I was looking forward to spending time with you and I was hurt and tired and overwhelmed with emotions. I did not mean to hurt you, baby. I never meant for that to scare you." You poured your heart out as if willing all the pain away as your tears finally escaped. "And I don't care if you can't cook, so long as you promise to wash the dishes and clean up whenever I do." You chuckled softly to lighten the mood which also made him let out a chuckle and nod.

“I am the best dishwashing fairy you can ask for,” He mumbled and pressed a kiss on your forehead.

"You are more than enough for me, Jeon Wonwoo. You take care of me the way I need to be taken care of. Your presence alone is enough. You are my safe place and my best friend. The other things are just… bonus. You are my favourite person since day 1, remember? I chose you, I choose you, and I will keep on choosing you."

Wonwoo's eyes glistened as he soaked up your words that vanished all his worries away. You left him speechless that all he can do was pour all his emotions in a passionate kiss, whispering ceaselessly, "I love you. I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Jeon Wonwoo."

You stayed like that for a few more minutes, tangled against each other as he pressed soft kisses on the top of your head. You breathed him in as if gaining strength from the way he embraced you and every pain the last few days seemed to have healed.

"You're still feverish, love." His deep voice rang in your ears, his hand pressing against and feeling your skin.

"Yeah, you really shouldn't have kissed me. You might get sick." You mumbled, looking up at him to see a softer gaze, calmer expression compared to how he looked earlier. You stayed like that, admiring every feature of his face, from his eyebrows, the perfect slope of his nose, his defined cupid's bow and lips, and those dazzling eyes. You could not help but smile in admiration. He's your home. He always will be.

"Why?" He asked, soft smile tugging against the corners of his lips as he saw you watching him intently.

"You okay now? We okay?" You gazed at those warm dazzling eyes and allowed yourself to get lost in them. His eyes always saw through you and that moment, you hoped he'd also see the sincerity behind everything you told him.

Wonwoo nodded and sighed in relief, pressing a sudden kiss on your lips, "More. than. okay." He mumbled in between pecks which made you chuckle softly, trying to mask the fact that the butterflies on your stomach were fluttering crazily.

"They're going to kill me if you get sick." You mumbled only to be silenced by more kisses and cuddles from him.

"It's a happy virus."

All was well.

Baby, I will be your happiness You're always on my mind, all the time Please don't forget this moment Oh, I can't hide it Geez, I want to give you all of my heart Oh my love, warmly call out for me when I'm by your side I'll only fill you with love Above that endless sky This night of stars pouring down Is looking at you sleeping next to me Dreaming the same dream and feeling the same way You see we are spending the same night together Even if I give you everything in the world I will never change Promise me eternity If you feel the same way as I do No matter what happens Don't worry, I'm by your side Oh, I want to know more about your day with me Oh my love, you are deeply positioned in my heart You are the brightest light In the many grains of sand I can only find you I want to protect you who's sleeping next to me in this night Every moment without you is meaningless, no ooh-oh Even the reason why I breathe Is because my heart wants to have you in it

BONUS:

“Wonwoo-hyung?” Mingyu’s voice boomed around your cabin, dragging you back to earth from the dreamland after being asleep for a few hours. You stayed up with the members and some managers drinking and chatting until sunrise as it was the only time they got to spend with you. “You here? We need to go by noon!”

Mingyu entered your room upon hearing you grumbling, which caused him to giggle and plop into your bed nonchalantly. “You okay, noona?”

“You’re so loud!” You groaned and pulled a pillow to yourself when Mingyu hogged the cover as if he was about to sleep as well. “Wonwoo, your husband is here!” You yelled sleepily, hoping your boyfriend who was busy in the shower could hear you so you can enjoy the quiet once more.

“Hyung, make it quick! We’ll leave soon.” Mingyu hopped off the bed, walking around the room towards the mirror to fix his clothes. “Wanna tag along, noona?” He asked only to burst out laughing when he saw you glowering at him just as the door opened to your boyfriend who was already dressed and ready for their fishing trip. Wonwoo tried holding back his chuckle at how you looked, lips pressed firmly as she struggled.

“Leave quick, I want to sleep more please.” You groused once more, throwing a pillow at them making Mingyu run towards the door and bid you a teasing goodbye.

Your brows furrowed in the pounding headache, and you swore you were never drinking again. You felt your skull being split into two from the hang-over and you did not even drink that much. You thought maybe that it was because you were sick few days back, but historically, alcohol had always helped you.

“You okay?” Wonwoo asked, worried as he watched you. He had memorized your quirks already – he knows your HO cure like how you know his – but still he could not help but worry.

“Yeah, just headache… need grease…”

“Ack babe, you can no longer hold your liquor.” He teased playfully, already fetching pain killers and a bottle of electrolyte drink for you. “Quick, take this before sleeping again.” He sat by the bed and helped you sit, popping the pill into your mouth, helping you drink, and wiping your lips. “Good girl. Hang-on, I’ll elevate your pillows.” Wonwoo mumbled, adjusting your pillows and tucking you back in a comfortable position so you can sleep more.

“Thank you, love.” You mumbled, eyes closed as you blindly held on to his arm to thank him.

“I’ll buy you grease on our way back.” He smiled and left gentle pecks on your lips and then pulled away to shut the curtains close before making his way out.

You slept for another hour until you needed to get up and work.

And as promised, Wonwoo came back with your HO cure – a nice, meaty beef burger which melted your hang-over immediately.

The night went deeper in the forest, but you hadn’t seen Wonwoo for most of the time since he brought your burger. Everyone seemed to be busy with their own stuff with some ruckus from afar. Shaking your head, you turned your attention towards the computer screen, writing reports around footages taken that day for editing reference and arranging the metadata for the snippets.

Like how it has always been with the members, your solitude was broken with a loud banging on your door.

“Noona!” Hoshi greeted ever cheerfully, walking towards you. “Can you help me with something please?”

“Depends.” You chuckled, “What is it?”

Hoshi just smiled mischievously, his eyes completely vanishing as he did so. “Let’s go, I’ll show it to you.”

Surrendering, you nodded and followed him outside your room towards the darker way deeper into the forest.

“What is it, Hoshi?”

“We’re near.” He muttered as you reached the pathway towards the gazebo lit by lanterns.

You were at a loss for words at what you saw next.

“Yaaah, what’s this?” Your heart fluttered against your chest as you tried taking in what was happening.

The members were there, all lined up, each holding a sunflower they handed over to you one by one before walking sideways in a perfect relay. Your cheeks hurt from beaming throughout until you reached Mingyu who was the last one to give you the flower.

“Hope you’re no hung-over anymore, noona.” He winked and gave you the sunflower, then stepped aside to reveal your boyfriend.

Wonwoo stood there holding three sunflowers, a huge, loving smile painted on his face as you took slow steps towards each other.

“What’s this?” You were stunned as you asked the question, hear racing against your ribcage as you met his gaze.

“Y/N, would you go on a date with me? Now?” Wonwoo inquired ever so smoothly, earning loud whooping cheers from the members.

“Of course, I would.” You flushed, taking the flowers he handed over to you, eyes never leaving his chocolate ones.

You looked back at the team to thank them. They waved goodbye, proud of their perfect execution, asking you and Wonwoo to enjoy your time together.

With hands intertwined, Wonwoo led you towards the gazebo now all decked up with lanterns and the telescope you bought for him. A picnic cloth laid in the middle of the gazebo, with two bottles of non-alcoholic sparkling wine and a huge charcuterie board filled with your favourite types cheeses and cold-cuts sitting by.

You were utterly amazed by everything, unable to comprehend how Wonwoo pulled off such surprise once more, and in the middle of the forest to add to that.

Your heart was full, as always, because of him.

“Love…” A dreamy sigh left your lips as you faced him. “How? Why?”

Wonwoo turned bashful but held you closer by your waist, “I’ve always wanted to remake our first ever ‘date’ in the back of my car, and somehow elevate it. This time we can really watch the stars and not just the city lights.”

“Oh Jeon Wonwoo, the man that you are.” Filled with astonishment, you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and closed the distance between you, pouring all your emotions in that passionate exchange.

Under the endless velvet sky and glimmering stars, you once again reminded each other that you are feeling the same way and dreaming the same dream, and that if eternity is true, you both can rest in certainty that no matter what happens, you are always each other’s haven and your hearts would always want each other.

---

Thank you for reading, darling. 💗💙 Coming Soon: MAMA 2019 and some real fluffy and steamy Yuletide stuff. 💗💙

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la-imp · 1 year

Text

AVATAR RECOM HEADCANONS - INTRO

Recoms!Deja Blu Unit - Science"Puke"! Reader

This is my first headcanon series and I am incredibly nervous because there are so many good ones out there already. I have read quite a few amazing headcanon series by various blogs who practically carry the whole Avatar Fanfic scene, which I am really grateful for! I know these sorts of scenarios have been done a lot by now, but I wanted to get one out and put my own spin on it. I hope to write more and update this series as well as take in requests, one-shots, etc, expanding on the characters as much as I can. I hope you enjoy! Avatar has consumed my life, lol...

Disclaimer: I do not own AVATAR, nor do I own its creative properties and original characters. I do, however, own the 'reader' character as well as other created figures that do not appear in the Avatar films, video games, or comic books. Characters involved: Miles Quaritch, Lyle Wainfleet, Alexander Ja, Mansk, Zdindarsk aka Z-Dog, Zhang, Lopez, Fike, Warren, Walker, Prager, Brown - mentions of Jake Sully

Plot Summary: The story takes place during the events of TWOW, right before the great reef battle. I won't spoil any crucial plot details (for those who haven't watched the movie yet), so I'll end it there. The reader is a militant medic with a biochemistry background, now assigned special care to ensure Project Phoenix's success. As their body chemistry is quite different and unique from that of humans, they require some help getting used to their new vessel. This is where you come in... and boy... you were not prepared for this. A bunch of Na'vi Human hybrids at the peak of their prime, fuelled by hormonal rage, primal instincts, and a knack for vengeance, they sure as hell turned your daily life topsy turvy. To them, you were nothing more than another science puke here to bore them out of their minds, even though you had some military training as well. It is up to you to show them otherwise. To earn a place in their ranks.

Will (y/n) be able to handle this task or eventually fold like the others?

Warning(s): Cursing - Mild bullying - Negging - Foul language - Playful flirting

Content: SFW (Minors DNI) The reader is human and female. I plan to write specific headcanons for each individual character, but this was just a very long and detailed starter in order to get the ball rolling. Also this is not proof-read, so take this with a grain of salt. Happy reading! (also English is not my first language, so please bear with me) ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hailing from a gentle background of academics and artists, you've decided to take a completely different route from what your family had destined for you. Going against their wishes and dissapointing a few members here and there was a price you were willing to pay in order to fulfill a lifelong dream. The prize of independence. Or perhaps you were tired of people telling you what you could and couldn't do. The idea of an adventure, exploring new worlds and galaxies, far far away from home was far more attractive than spending your years trying to fix a dying planet. But you also had a knack for helping and aiding those in need. Being a healer with a vast background of medicine and herbs only came natural to you. And as you graduated top of your class, you sought a new challenge. So you joined the space force. Military training was hard but you managed adquedately. And as you finally becamea full-fledged medic, you signed a contract with the RDA to be shipped off to Pandora.

Save to say, the six years of light-year travel did take a toll on your body. It was often emphasized that dreams do not occur during cryo sleep. Yet, your case was the opposite. Over and over you saw visions of a lush, prehistoric forest that almost looked magical and foreign. Due to overpopulation and pollution, nature seized to exist altogether back on earth, so thinking of what this mythical Pandora may look like, sparked a fire in the pits of your stomach. You began to wonder if these dreams held any meaning to them... or if it was just your brain chemistry running haywire during the cryogenic sleep. The closer you got, the giddier you grew - excited and electrified at the idea of setting foot on one of the most precious planet known to man. Perhaps in the entire universe.

After your space shuttle finally docked at the RDA's space station, you were quickly briefed on your assignment by the announcers, guiding you to the nearest secretary. The secretary looked over her glasses and tossed you an illegible glare before sighing with a shake of her head, handing you your paperwork. "May God have mercy on you," she mumbled before calling for the next candidate. You took the papers hesitantly, brows furrowing in confusion before your eyes cast down on on these said documents. Your eyes widened as your heart nearly sank. You were assigned to assist military Avatar personnel? You looked back up at the lady who was now grinning at you, a glint playing in her gaze. "Fresh meat for the grinder. It's a bit crass they decided to assign a small girl such as yourself to help these beasts," You slowly nodded, an awkward semi-smile forming on your lips, "I guess I like a challenge," you said, tone matching her sarcastic one. You have studied them for three years now, after all. You were prepared.

A few labcoats accompanied by a good portion of cleanroom suits were helping you find your way before passing you your exopack mask. It was the first time you'd ever seen one of those from up close. The concept of not being able to breathe the atmosphere was somewhat daunting. But it was something you had to get used to if you wanted to survive Pandora's 'Adapt or Die' rules. Wasting no time, you quickly strapped them on and secured the clasps, allowing the small piece of machinery to flood your nostrils with fresh oxygen. Impressed, you found it was much clearer and cleaner than that of Earth's... sadly enough. You then remembered the comment from the secretary earlier on, echoing in your mind over and over again until it festered in the back of your subconscious. Anxiety began to take a hold of you, shaking your confidence ever so slightly.

Inhaling and exhaling deeply, you then issued a curt nod to your superiors who lastly gave you a clipboard, detailing all of your duties and rank among the Recom unit members. "Ready, greenhorn?" Dr. Vasquez piped up, drawing you from your trance. You blinked at him with a wide-eyed deer-caught-in-headlights look, lips parting, "Y-yeah." he chuckled in response to your nervousness before slapping a hand on your shoulder in confidence. "Don' worry, they may look very scary at first glance, but you will soon realize they are professionals just like us, alright?" You nodded, swallowing the lump down your throat before clamping the board beneath your armpit. "Alright then kiddo, let's rock'n'roll," he said with a smirk before punching in a security code to unlock the doors to the decompressors.

The air was filtered to fit the atmosphere of the recoms. Which was in turn, extremely toxic to humans. Unconscious in twenty seconds - dead in four minutes. The prospect didn't sound like very glamorous death. As the door opened, a hiss emitted from the pressure, giving way to the bright light of the sun peaking through the glass windows. Vasquez marched forward before beckoning you to join him. Upon entering, the energy of the room immediately shifted. It was almost palpable to the touch.

A good part of your confidence was chipped away once you laid your eyes on your future teammates. Breath nearly caught in your throat. To say they were tall was a big understatement. They were huge - as a matter of fact - larger than life! Nothing could've prepared you for this. Most of them stood at around ten feet and nearly scraped the ceilings if they hadn't been adjusted to meet their physiology. You continued to saunter forward, one tentative step at a time, eyes still glued to their physiques without so blinking an eye. Their bodies were even more strange, striking you with awe. Slender, graceful, svelte, yet powerful. The complexion was a deep cyan or darker powder blue, decorated in interesting patterns and luminescent dots, all accompanied by a long prehensile tail that idly swung from side to side, giving them a more animalistic edge. They were all broad-shouldered, even the women, as you scanned the room with all the blue-skinned individuals lurking about, their poise signifying a certain strength and fortitude that of a warrior. They could easily toss a person across the room and break every single bone in their body with one blow if they wished.

Eyes were striking like molten gold peering from the shadows, intensely following your every move. Their previous chatter immediately died down as their eyes glued to you and the other scientists. Vasquez took his position next to someone who seemed much more commanding and authoritive compared to the rest. He stood slightly taller and wore a khaki tanktop, exhibiting a set of toned, muscular arms placated on his hips. You caught a glimpse of his tattoo on his left arm. A black eagle. A remnant of his previous life? Or something to distinguish himself from the others, perhaps?

The way he walked with a certain swagger, taking a stance next to Vasquez, sharp yellow eyes peering into the hall, had you nearly choke on your own saliva. He was an intimidating man, "As you all know, we are sent here to accomplish a mission that we couldn't last time. To hunt down and terminate the leader of the Na'vi insurgency, Jake Sully. And in order to ensure our success, we have been assigned our personal medical officers who specialize in Na'vi physiology. They make sure none of us step out of line and patch us up during missions. Treat 'em with respect, ya hear? They are as much our responsbilities as we are theirs," his tone was a low, commanding drawl, hinting at his possible origin back from Earth. He also sounded a tad older than his bio stats suggested.

"Wait, we're going to have these science pukes tag along?" Someone groaned in the background.

Doctor Vasquez nudged you with his elbow before whispering something into your ear. So he was the colonel. Colonel Miles Quaritch. The leader of the first recombinant unit Deja Blu, the first Avatar squad produced by Project Phoenix. Vasquez then nodded and brought you and another male medical officer. Thankfully you weren't alone. And as you peeked into the crowd, practically feeling their eyes rake over your forms in a very scrutinizing manner, you wished there were more human scientists to accompany you. "Listen up Recoms," Vasquez announced, matching Quaritch's energy. Which you had noticed, was now glancing at you over his shoulder with a lazed stare. You quickly turned away, hating that all of their attention was on you now. Just great. "Those are your new medical officers," he gestured to both you and your counterpart, earning him a few whispers and hushed conversations between the Na'vi hybrids. The heavily tattooed individual grunted loudly, expressing a clear distaste at the fact.

You watched as the one with the camo cap began to chuckle before leaning over to the tattooed female with the mohawk, gossiping something into her ear. Your eyes narrowed at her, hoping to God they weren't talking shit about you. The male medic next to you semed quite nervous himself, almost glistening with a faint sheen of sweat whenever the light hit his complexion. Oh man... what a great start. "This here is Mr. Ryan," Vasquez said confidently and clamped a hand on his shoulder before pulling you to his side with a toothy grin, "And this is Miss (y/n). They're going to do a quick checkup on your vitals before we make land on Pandora. Their status reports will affect your mission. If you have any further questions regarding any of that, feel free to ask them. Good luck and have fun," he said before departing, giving you a two-finger salute before vanishing out the door.

For a moment, you wished he hadn't abandoned you so soon, but as you stood there, again with the hundred yard stare, you instantly began pulling out your clipboard, training your eyes on the papers rather than the giant soldiers around you. Quaritch cleared his throat before stepping forward, closing in on your proximity. The heat practically rolled off of him. Almost radioactive in a sense. "Right. Welcome to the crew," he said as a deep rumble of chuckles resonated within the hall. You flicked your attention back on them, seeing as their expressions turned from scrutiny to amusement. The one with the hat flicked his chin toward Ryan, "So you get to touch us all around?" Ryan nodded cautiously, "Yes, in a sense. We need to do some physical checkups to make sure your bodies haven't mutated or caught any diseases on the way here and-"

"So you're gonna be cupping my big blue balls, too?" he said, making an obscene gesture as the team burst out in synchronized laughter. Mr Ryan pursed his lips in frustration. You felt his pain, it was nearly palpable.

You were so not ready for this... "Shut your horny mouth, Ja!" one of the female recoms hollered, smacking him on the back of his head.

Judging by the 'joke', you came to the conclusion that they were full-blooded jarheads. You sighed before ticking something off your clipboard. "And what about her? Is she good with her small hands?" At this your eyebrows twitched before you began searching for the miscreant of this statement. Seeing as the one with the bandana had crooked a finger at you. "Man, she does look cute tho... tiny lil thing. What's good, mama?" their banter continued, slapping and fist bumping each other, having the time of their lives. What a fucking farce - you thought to yourself begrudgingly. The behavior reminded you of teenagers experiencing the surge of hormones for the first time. You couldn't believe Vasquez had vouched for their professionalism. Perhaps he was in on the joke as well. "Shut your pie holes. They're here to help, not entertain you, you fucking lowlifes. Treat'em with respect or I'll have your ass handed back to the infirmary, you get me?!" Quaritch's voice boomed, immediately silencing the lively chatter among his subordinates.

Looking over at the colonel, you saw his hardened, chiseled features directed toward you with an unreadable expression. His pointed ears were tucked back against his head as he issued you a small nod. You repaid him with the same respect and inclined your head in acknowledgment before moving on to your first patient. "Brown?" you said, louder than originally intended before you flicked your gaze around the room, searching for any response. "Steven Brown?" you repeated with a bit more clarity. The mohawk lady merely snorted with arms folded, watching you as you searched for your first victim. Suddenly a blue hand lifted, alerting you of your designated recom, seeing that he looked a little less grim and intimidating. Although equally large, he seemed a bit more approachable, in your eyes at least. With that being said, it wasn't exactly a joyride pushing and squeezing yourself through, as some of them actively made an effort of staying rooted to the spot, entertained at your slight struggle. You could have sworn hearing someone wolf whistle at you but you pushed those thoughts aside when you reached your destination.

He was slightly shorter than the rest, not that you could tell right away as he was seated on one of the benches slightly hunched over, his posture overly lax. Much like the others, he sported that classical short military haircut and fade. "Alright doc, whaddya got for me?" he drawled with a certain bite. You decided not to overanalyze everything, as you were already extremely nervous. You meanwhile scribbled down all of the data before setting the clipboard down, looking him in the eye. He remained there, sitting there in silence, monitoring you with a peculiar glint playing in his topaz irises. "Alright, Mr. Brown, could you please stretch out your right arm? I need to take some samples and check your haemogram if that is alright with you," you explained as you flashed him a polite smile while the convos in the background resumed.

Brown simply nodded and muttered a small 'sure thing' before complying with your wishes. Once he extended his appendage, you got a chance to examine it closely - realizing just how large and sinewy his arm was. The texture was interesting too, differing not much from human skin, save for the lack of arm hair. "Finding a vein shouldn't be a problem," you jest before pulling out a small device for blood sampling. It was not a syringe, but a highly advanced gadget that locked down on the skin cell before drawing a bit of blood. "Alright, just let me disinfect this real quick..." you continued before wiping the spot with a small disinfectant wipe, clearing it from any bacteria. The feeling of his skin was curious, smooth yet somehow rougher to the touch compared to human flesh. Pandora's rough climates had evolved them to become perfect survivors as even their skin was harder to penetrate. Brown tilted his head to the side, ears swiveling curiously when you placed the blood-letting machinery against the crook of his arm. A small pinch broke through his flesh, extracting only a few tiny droplets. "There we go, that's about it-" Before you could continue, however, you caught Brown sending you a mischievous wink. "Didn't hurt at all, doc."

"Got what ya need, Miss (y/n) or... did I get that right?" you felt blood rush to your cheeks, heating your face altogether. They were trying to rile you up on purpose now... "(Y/N) right, but just call me by my first name. No need for being formal," hoping it would somewhat diffuse the awkward tension between you and the recoms. However, things did not go as planned when Brown's brows lifted for a short moment before his ears rotated in your direction, more attentive than before. "Well good to know, (y/n), looking forward to working with ya," your breathing became heavy to his deliberate teasing as he allowed himself to lean forward. You nearly jumped at his sudden intrusion "So (y/n), what does my blood test say?" just then the analysis was completed, giving you a clear stats report on his bloodwork.

"So far so good... bloodwork looks normal. Cholesterol is in the green and.... well..." His face faltered a bit, "What?" "be sure to consume fewer sugary drinks or sweets but other than that, you're fine. Wouldn't want you to be the first adipose soldier on Pandora," his features continued to crack "You calling me fat, doc?" he said before warming up to a smirk. You leaned away from him to avoid his sudden boldness. "Nah, just reminding you to be on your best behavior if you want to keep up with the rest, alright?" Brown scoffed with a shake of his head as you took your clipboard with you, writing down all of the info as well as checking a few boxes. "I'll get back to you later, just need to do the same with.... uh.. Wainfleet?" you asked, squinting your eyes to spot someone a bit taller and a tad bit more athletic looking. He lacked hair, like some of the others as he wiggled his fingers at you flirtatiously, a crooked smile plastered on his lips. "The one and only," you grunted in affirmation, feeling some of the dread returning before you headed over.

A sudden ticklish sensation and force tugged at the crook of your knee, having you to stumble and nearly fall flat on your face. Walker clicked her tongue with a roll of her eyes, "Come on Kevin, leave the poor girl alone already!" Quaritch's nostrils flared when he caught Brown fucking with you. A move of his tail that hooked around your leg in order to trip you. "You better secure that shit, Brown before I clip that thing off, capiche?" He growled, causing Brown to stiffen immediately. Eventually, he lowered his head and ears ".... yes sir... sorry,"

You managed to calm your thundering heart as you eyeballed Brown with a mix of irritation and embarrassment. What an asshole. Is that how it was going to be all the time? Good lord... how much you began to regret signing up for this particular unit. "Mr. Wainfleet?" you said softly, approaching the man cautiously as he eyed you up and down with that same grin on his face.

"Call me Lyle, sweetums. Only my mother calls me Mr. Wainfleet. So.... here to check the goods? Or maybe even get a feel?" Lyle chuckled before flexing his built physique, making you watch his biceps bulge and swell. The action made your throat dry out like the Sahara desert. Just what in the world have you gotten yourself into...

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tangibletechnomancy · 5 months

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Neural Nets, Walled Gardens, and Positive Vibes Only

the crystal spire at the center of the techno-utopian walled garden

Anyone who knows or even just follows me knows that as much as I love neural nets, I'm far from being a fan of AI as a corporate fad. Despite this, I am willing to use big-name fad-chasing tools...sometimes, particularly on a free basis. My reasons for this are twofold:

Many people don't realize this, but these tools are more expensive for the companies to operate than they earn from increased interest in the technology. Using many of these free tools can, in fact, be the opposite of "support" at this time. Corporate AI is dying, use it to kill it faster!

You can't give a full, educated critique of something's flaws and failings without engaging with it yourself, and I fully intend to rip Dall-E 3, or more accurately the companies behind it, a whole new asshole - so I want it to be a fair, nuanced, and most importantly personally informed new asshole.

Now, much has already been said about the biases inherent to current AI models. This isn't a problem exclusive to closed-source corporate models; any model is only as good as its dataset, and it turns out that people across the whole wide internet are...pretty biased. Most major models right now, trained primarily on the English-language internet, present a very western point of view - treating young conventionally attractive white people as a default at best, and presenting blatantly misinformative stereotypes at worst. While awareness of the issue can turn it into a valuable tool to study those biases and how they intertwine, the marketing and hype around AI combined with the popular idea that computers can't possibly be biased tends to make it so they're likely to perpetuate them instead.

This problem only gets magnified when introduced to my mortal enemy-

If I never see this FUCKING dog again it will be too soon-

Content filters.

Theoretically, content filters exist to prevent some of the worst-faith uses of AI - deepfakes, true plagiarism and forgery, sexual exploitation, and more. In practice, many of them block anything that can be remotely construed as potentially sexual, violent, or even negative in any way. Frequently banned subjects include artistic nudity or even partial nudity, fight scenes, anything even remotely adjacent to horror, and still more.

The problems with this expand fractally.

While the belief that AI is capable of supplanting all other art forms, let alone should do so, is...far less widespread among its users than the more reactionary subset of its critics seem to believe (and in fact arguably less common among AI users than non-users in the first place; see again: you cannot give a full, educated critique of something's failings without engaging with it yourself), it's not nonexistent - and the business majors who have rarely if ever engaged with other forms of art, who make up a good percentage of the executives of these companies, often do fall on that side, or at least claim to in order to make more sales (but let's keep the lid on that can of worms for now).

When this ties to existing online censorship issues, such as a billionaire manchild taking over Twitter to "help humanity" (read: boost US far-right voices and promote and/or redefine hate speech), or arcane algorithms on TikTok determining what to boost and deboost leading to proliferation of neologisms to soften and obfuscate "sensitive" subjects (of which "unalive" is frequently considered emblematic), including such horrible, traumatizing things as...the existence of fat people, disabled people, and queer people (where the censorship is claimed to be for their benefit, no less!), the potential impact is apparent: while the end goal is impossible, in part because AI is not, in fact, capable of supplanting all other forms of art, what we're seeing is yet another part of a continuing, ever more aggressive push for sanitizing what kinds of ideas people can express at all, with the law looking to only make it worse rather than better through bills such as KOSA (which you can sign a petition against here).

And just like the other forms of censorship before and alongside it, AI content filtering targets the most vulnerable in society far more readily than it targets those looking to harm them. The filters have no idea what makes something an expression of a marginalized identity vs. what makes it a derogatory statement against that group, or an attempt at creating superficially safe-for-work fetish art - so, they frequently err on the side of removing anything uncertain. Boys in skirts and dresses are frequently blocked, presumably because they're taken for fetish art. Results of prompts about sadness or loneliness are frequently blocked, presumably because they may promote self harm, somehow. In my (admittedly limited) experiment, attempts at generating dark-skinned characters were blocked more frequently than attempts at generating light-skinned ones, presumably because the filter decided that it was racist to [checks notes] ...acknowledge that a character has a different skin tone than the default white characters it wanted to give me. Facial and limb differences are often either erased from results, or blocked presumably on suspicion of "violent content".

But note that I say "presumably" - the error message doesn't say on what grounds the detected images are "unsafe". Users are left only to speculate on what grounds we're being warned.

But what makes censorship of AI generated work even more alarming, in the context of the executive belief that it can render all other art forms obsolete, is that other forms of censorship only target where a person can say such earth-shaking, controversial things as "I am disabled and I like existing" or "I am happy being queer" or "mental health is important" or "I survived a violent crime" - you can be prevented from posting it on TikTok, but not from saying it to a friend next to you, let alone your therapist. AI content filtering, on the other hand, aims to prevent you from expressing it at all.

This becomes particularly alarming when you recall one of the most valuable use cases for AI generation: enabling disabled people to express themselves more clearly, or in new forms. Most people can find other workarounds in the form of more conventional, manual modes of expression, sure, but no amount of desperation can reverse hand paralysis that prevents a person from holding a pen, nor a traumatic brain injury or mental disability that blocks them from speaking or writing in a way that's easy to understand. And who is one of the most frequently censored groups? Disabled people.

So, my question to Bing and OpenAI is this: in what FUCKING universe is banning me from expressing my very existence "protecting" me?

Bad dog! Stop breaking my shit and get the FUCK out of my way!

Generated as a gift for a friend who was even more frustrated with that FUCKING dog than I was

All images - except the FUCKING dog - generated with Dall-E 3 via Bing Image Creator, under the Code of Ethics of Are We Art Yet?

#ai art #generated art #i want to make a stress toy out of that dog #i want to make a squishy stretchy plush toy #with weighted beans so it makes a satisfying THUNK when you throw it at the fucking wall #you did it you bastards you made a dog problematic

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blouisparadise · 4 months

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Upon request, today we have a rec list of bottom Louis fics that feature breastfeeding or lactation. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Come Here (And Rescue Me) | General Audiences | 2,139 words

“It’s because of people like you that the world is going to the dogs.” The woman barked with scorn. Her eyes were as dark as her soul and Louis held Apollo closer when he started to whimper, being very in tune with his surroundings. “Breastfeeding in a park? Where do you think you are? We’re not in one of these poorly developed countries where you can act in such a discourteous way and…” “I’m sorry, but could you get lost?”

2) Effervescent Opal, Say My Name | Mature | 3,463 words

Louis has an oversupply of milk after his first pregnancy and Harry wants nothing more than to suck him dry.

3) Stuck On Me, Stuck On You | Not Rated | 8,738 words

It’s not a big deal that Harry and Louis grew up together, and not a big deal that Harry is in love with Louis since he can remember. But it’s a big deal that Louis is pregnant and has no idea who the father is.

4) Could Start A Cult | Explicit | 8,750 words

He lowers down the top that Louis is wearing, successfully unclasping his nursing bra as well, letting Louis’ tits bounce at the sudden movement. Harry massages both breasts to stimulate the milk flow, and he can feel his cock hardening inside his pants.

5) I Don't Want To Close My Eyes (I Don't Want To Miss A Thing) | Explicit | 13,605 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis is married to Liam and pregnant with his child. Liam isn't ready to be a father, but Dr. Harry Styles is more than willing.

6) Three's A Crowd, Four's A Party | Mature | 16,569 words

"Morgan, sweetie, mommy and daddy have something we want to talk to you about." The little girl looks at them confused, having no idea what's about to happen. "First I want to tell you that we love you very much and nothing will ever change that, okay?" "I love you too!" Louis smiles. "What we wanted to talk to you about is that there's going to be some changes around here soon." "Why?" "Because mommy's having a baby."

7) Mob Boss Omega | Mature | 16,786 words

Mafia "any organized group using extortion and other criminal methods" In all definitions, I am in line for the throne. As the son of a mob boss I'm set to inherit everything my father has built up. He's always been set on expanding though and who better to use than his overprotected omega son. That's me in case you're wondering. The crown omega prince of the mob.

8) Baby, Loving You’s The Real Thing | Explicit | 21,011 words

Harry never thought he’d be taking care of a child at the age of twenty-one—well, trying to anyway.

9) Fell For You | Explicit | 26,136 words

A crime investigation fic in which Detective Louis Tomlinson and Detective Harry Styles are tasked to solve a case together where Louis hates Harry Styles or does he?

10) For Your Eyes Only | Not Rated | 26,501 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis likes to feel beautiful and taken care of. Harry is just the person to help. They figure it out together.

11) Just Forget The World | Explicit | 42,861 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis is the last person on earth who can get pregnant after the birthrates decreased then completely stopped twenty years before and in search for someone with good genetics and a family tree Harry is chosen to mate with him.

12) I'm Me When I'm With You | Mature | 86,123 words

AU in which Louis finally is able to attend the University he’s been dreaming off: Queens University. But fate works in mysterious ways and it certainly doesn’t care about your dreams nor your plans. No, fate had a whole other future planned for him the moment he met the popular, gorgeous and mighty Alpha named, Harry Styles who accidentally impregnates him after a one nightstand… Accidents happen, but not all accidents are bad.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#bottom louis #top harry #larry #fic recs #blp #blp fic recs #breastfeeding #lactation #mpreg

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themoonking · 4 months

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breaking / preventing bad booktok habits

no one asked my opinion, but i've been thinking about this a lot so i'm going to give it anyway.

consumerism on booktube is a tale as old as time, and it's just as bad if not worse on booktok (due to the norm on tikok being to post something new at least once a day), and that leads a lot of book influencers (both on youtube and tiktok, and even instagram to an extent) into some really bad spending and consumption habits

this is my very long opinion piece on some tips and changes to make if you've already developed these bad habits or feel like you're about to.

tldr: stop buying in to hype and by more mindful about what you buy, and REMEMBER THAT LIBRARIES EXIST.

go to the library

quite simple. allows you to read as many books as you want without spending money or cluttering your home. and if you argue back that your local library is small / doesn't have a large selection, that's all the more reason to support it!! it won't grow or improve if it doesn't have people behind it.

getting rid of books

don't feel like you have to get rid of books even if you enjoyed them. i myself have larger book collection than most people i know. but you do have to make peace with the idea of getting rid of books from time to time. stop treating it like the worst thing that ever happened to you.

next time your bookshelf is full, don't immediately jump to buying a new shelf. instead, go through your entire collection and see what you really want to keep. do the marie kondo thing and take everything off the shelf so you can go through each book one by one. go over it multiple times over a couple of days, so you can come at it with fresh eyes.

when you look at each individual book, really think about it. ask yourself: did i even like this book? if i did, will i ever reread it? was it important to me or was it just a book i enjoyed and will never think about again? if i can't remember my feelings on a book, am i willing to reread it to find out?

if you have books that you were neutral on, that you liked but not in any notable way, or that you straight up didn't enjoy, it might be time to move on from them. donate to your local library: if you didn't enjoy them, there might be someone out there who might, and if you did enjoy them, they're right there if you ever have the urge to read them again.

don't think about book purges as tearing apart your perfect collection, but instead think about it as making room for something new that you enjoy and appreciate a lot more.

if you've gone over your collection multiple times and you still have no room, then feel free to buy a new shelf and expand your collection. obviously, as you read more books you'll find more that meant a lot to you that you want to keep. again, it's not about mimimalism, it's about mindfulness.

unread books

some book influencers (and their fans) have a MASSIVE problem with unread books. as in, they have 100+ on their shelves and they keep buying more to add to the pile. if you have books in your collection that have remained unread for years... it might be time to get rid of some of them. sorry.

do the same thing with the unread books as you did with the read books: go over them one by one and really think about why you're keeping them.

how long have you had it? if you've had a book for 5+ years, and you haven't felt the urge to read it yet, do you really think you're ever going to? read the description: does it seem like something that actually interests you, or did you buy it on a whim? perhaps it interested you when you bought it, but time has passed and tastes change; does it interest you now?

if you haven't touched or even thought about a book in multiple years but you can't bring yourself to get rid of it because "well maybe someday i'll need it!!" consider how dangerously close to hoarder mentality you're getting.

if you're really convinced that you'll enjoy a certain book, set it aside. make the books you set aside your priority for the next 6 months / the next year and don't buy anymore in that timeframe. if by the end of that time you haven't read the books you set aside, it's time to accept that you are simply never going to read them, and its better that they get some use rather than collect dust.

once again: donate any you get rid of to the library. if you're worried that you're going to suddenly want to read them (even though you haven't for years) and won't have them anymore, remember that if you give them to library they will be right there for you to borrow whenever you like. except that, in the time between you donating them and reading them, they won't have simply been sitting on your shelf gathering dust. instead, other people will have gotten the chance to read them and perhaps enjoyed them more than you ever would.

buying books

quite simply, just be more mindful about the books you buy.

when a new book becomes trendy on booktok or booktube, don't buy it right away. a lot of book influencers' unread books tend to be ones that they bought because they were really popular online, but that they lost interest in when the trend died out. if you're worried about missing out, remember that the book will still be available when the trend dies, and if you're only interested in something so you can partake in the trend... you're not really interesting in the book. you're interested in the clout.

when a book trend catches your eye, takes some time to think about it instead. first of all, does the book actually seem like something you're interested in? yes, everyone on booktok is talking about this new historical romance, but do you even like historical romance? this new epic fantasy is filling your youtube recommendations, but do you even like epic fantasy? look at reviews. look at reviews from people you know have similar tastes to you. did they like it? were the things they liked about it things that you enjoy?

if after thinking it through you're still engaged, go ahead and buy it! once again, its not about mimimalism. it's not about having less books. it's about mindfulness.

if you're subscribed to a book subscription box (or, god forbid, multiple book subscription boxes) maybe take stock and see if you actually want to remain subscribed. in the past 12 months, how many books from them have you read, and how many have you actually enjoyed? in my opinion, unless you've read an enjoyed the majority of books you've recieved in the past year, it might be time to unsubscribe. also always know that if a particular month's selection really interests you, you can simply buy the non-subscription version of the book without paying for all the ones that don't interest you.

like many book lovers, i enjoy wandering aimlessly around the bookstore even if i don't get anything, but if impulse buying books is an issue for you don't go to bookstores for fun. stay away from book-specific online stores. if you're spending issue is really bad, it might be time to block book-related social media tags (aka abandon booktok).

if you have an issue with your unread books getting out of control, set aside a physical space for your physical to-be-read and always ensure that your unread books can fit inside that space. if it starts to overflow, thats your sign that you need to ban yourself from buying books and focus on the books you already have (and then actually stick to that!!).

i personally have a three-tiered utility cart that i use (they're really common, you can find them a lot of places, but mine is specifically from ikea). it has a little wooden table lid that goes on the top tier that prevents me from storing anything in that layer. my unread books go in the bottom two tiers. if they get to the point that, to store them all, i have to remove the lid and start putting them on the top tier, i know that i need to slow down in my book buying and stay away from the book store. if, after that, it gets to the point where the entire top tier is full, then i know that it's time for a full book-buying ban until they're all read.

other methods i've seen people use: keep a separate, much smaller bookshelf in another part of the house. keep them in stacks but use a ruler to measure how tall the stacks get, and go on a ban if they get above a certain height. limit unread books to how many can comfortably fit on the bedside table. etc.

in general, it's best to NOT store unread books on the shelf with your other books. if they're on your shelf next to all your read books, you may not really be able to comprehend how many unread books you have, which can lead to the number getting out of hand.

and if you're buying books less for the pleasure of reading them and more for the pleasure of buying them (aka you genuinely not as a joke say "buying books and reading books are two different hobbies")... babygirl you have a shopping addiction </3

special editions

a lot of book influencers have a lot of special editions of books, but rarely have they read all of them. a lot of people really like collecting special editions, which is why my advice to unsubscribe from book boxes might, perhaps, be difficult.

however, many people who own a lot of these special editions don't really care about what's inside the book. rather, they care about the clout that comes with having a lot of special editions. even if they aren't an influencer, if you consume a lot of book content, you might get a feeling of superiority knowing that you have this type of collection that your favorite creators have.

essentially, when you go through your special editions, treat them the same as your other books from earlier but also ask yourself:

(1) is there anything actually special about this special edition? some special editions have exclusive bonus content such as cut chapters, interviews with the author, special art on the inside, et cetera; is this one of those or is it just the trade version with a recolored cover?

(2) if i have multiple different special editions of the same book, is there anything to actually distinguish them? do they have different exclusive bonus conent? different exclusive covers made by different talented artists? or are they essentially the same, except this cover is a slightly different shade of red, and this one has gold foiling in a slightly different spot?

(3) assuming i've read it, did this book actually mean something to me? do i care enough about this book to want a special copy of it? if i thought it was just okay, or even disliked it, wouldn't it be better off in the hands of someone who has it down as one of their favorite books of all time?

if you're going over your book box subscriptions and you say that you wouldn't be interesting in reading a certain book if you don't get your hands on the special edition, remeber that your experience of reading will be exactly the same if you have the exclusive special edition hardback or the standard trade paperback. it's like the tiktok trend; if you're only interested in this book if you have a special edition, you're not really interested in the book. you're interested in the clout.

essentially, the base thing you have to consider is: do you want this rare, expensive copy because the book actually means something to you, or because you want the online social status that comes from having a rare, expensive copy?

conclusion

once again, the main point is: be more mindful about the books you buy.

actually think about if you're interested in reading something instead of buying books you'll never read on a whim. think about whether your buying something for yourself or for clout.

and remember that libraries exist!! donate books to your library, donate funds to your library, borrow books from your library, etc. if you like audiobooks or ebooks, download whatever app your library uses. if your library doesn't have a book that you'd like to read, put in a request and they might purchase. participate in your library's events and activities. get involved in your library. show your local library the love it deserves!!!

bye. if you have another tip about breaking or preventing bad book habits, feel free to reblog w/ your tip.

#i speak #my monologues #anti booktok #booktok #anti booktube #booktube #bookblr

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justinspoliticalcorner · 10 days

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Sarah Posner for TPM:

I am a journalist who has covered the Christian right for two decades. Over the past three years, I began to more frequently use the term “Christian nationalism” to describe the movement I cover. But I did not start using a new term to suggest its proponents’ ideology had changed. Instead, the term had come into more common usage in the Trump era, now regularly used by academics, journalists, and pro-democracy activists to describe a movement that insists America is a “Christian nation” — that is, an illiberal, nominally democratic theocracy, rather than a pluralistic secular democracy. To me, the phrase was highly descriptive of the movement I’ve dedicated my career to covering, and neatly encapsulates the core threat the Christian right poses to freedom and equality. From its top leaders and influencers down to the grassroots — politically mobilized white evangelicals, the foot soldiers of the Christian right — its proponents believe that God divinely ordained America to be a Christian nation; that this Christian nation has come under attack by liberals and secularists; and that patriotic Christians must engage in spiritual warfare to rid America of demonic forces, and in political action to restore its Christian heritage. That includes taking political steps — as a voter, as an elected official, as a lawyer, as a judge — to ensure that America is governed according to a “biblical worldview.”

If you want to see that definition in action, look no further than the career of House Speaker Mike Johnson. Seventeen years ago, when I interviewed Johnson, then a lawyer with the Christian right legal powerhouse Alliance Defending Freedom, I would have labeled him a loyal soldier in the Christian right’s legal army trying to bring down the separation of church and state. He is a product of and a participant in a sprawling religious and political infrastructure that has made the movement’s successes possible, from politically active megachurches, to culture-shaping organizations like Focus on the Family, to political players like the Family Research Council, to the legal force in his former employer ADF.

In today’s parlance, Johnson is a Christian nationalist — although he, like most of his compatriots, has certainly not embraced the label. But Mike Johnson the House Speaker is still Mike Johnson the lawyer I interviewed all those years ago: an evangelical called to politics to be a “servant leader” to a Christian nation, dedicated to its governance according to a biblical worldview: against church-state separation, for expanded rights for conservative Christians, adamantly against abortion and LGBTQ rights, and especially, currently, trans rights. That mindset is still the beating heart of the Christian right, even as the movement, and other movements in the far-right space, have radicalized in the Trump era, taking on new forms and embracing a range of solutions to the apocalyptic trajectory they see America to be on. Different movements imagining a version of Christian supremacy exist side by side — different strains that often borrow ideas from one another, and that fit comfortably under the banner of Christian nationalism.

The term “Christian nationalism” became popularized during Trump’s presidency for a few reasons. First, Trump, who first ran in 2016 on a nativist platform with the nationalist slogan “Make America Great Again,” was and still is dependent on white evangelicals to win elections and maintain a hold on power. He is consequently willing to carry out their goals, bringing their ambitions closer to fruition than they’ve ever been in their 45-year marriage to the Republican Party. They have been clear, for example, in crediting him for the downfall of Roe v. Wade, among other assaults on other peoples’ rights.

Second, the prominence of Christian iconography at the January 6 insurrection, and the support for Trump’s stolen election lie before, during, and after January 6 by both Christian right influencers and the grassroots, brought into stark relief that Christian nationalist motivations helped fuel his attempted coup. Finally, sociologists studying the belief systems of Christian nationalists pushed the term into public usage, as did anti-nationalist Christians, especially after January 6, in order to elevate awareness of the threats Christian nationalism poses to democracy. (The paperback edition of my book, Unholy, which was published in mid-2021 and included a post-January 6 afterword, reflected the increasing usage of the term Christian nationalists by including the term in a fresh subtitle.)

The Trump era, along with the rise of openly Christian nationalist social media sites like Gab, and Elon Musk’s takeover of Twitter, have given space for otherwise unknown figures, like the rabidly antisemitic Gab founder Andrew Torba, co-author of the book Christian Nationalism: A Biblical Guide For Taking Dominion And Discipling Nations, and Stephen Wolfe, author of the racist book The Case for Christian Nationalism, to enter the Christian nationalism discourse. Although Torba and Wolfe have made waves online, and extremism watchers are rightly alarmed that their tracts could prove influential and radicalizing, they remain distinct from the Christian right.

[...]

The conventional Christian right does not want a parallel society or a divorce. They believe they are restoring, and will run, the Christian nation God intended America to be — from the inside. They will do that, in their view, through faith (evangelizing others and bringing them to salvation through Jesus Christ); through spiritual warfare (using prayer to battle satanic enemies of Christian America); and through politics and the law (governing and lawmaking from a “biblical worldview” after eviscerating church-state separation). Changes in the evangelical world, particularly the emphasis in the growing charismatic movement on prophecy, signs and wonders, spiritual warfare, the prosperity gospel, and Trumpism, has intensified the prominence of the supernatural in their politics, giving their Christian nationalism its own unmistakable brand.

For decades, Christian right has been completely open about their beliefs and goals. Their quest to take dominion over American institutions by openly evangelizing and instituting Christian supremacist policies sets the Christian right apart from other types of Christian nationalists who might operate in secret, or imagine utopian communities as the ideal way to save themselves from a secular, debauched nation. The fact that far-right extremists like Torba or Wolfe embrace the Christian nationalist label gives the more conventional Christian right leaders and organizations space to disassociate themselves from it. Some also berate journalists who use it to describe them, accusing them of hurling a left-wing slur at Christians.

The bottom line is that Christian nationalism takes on different forms, and despite organizational or even ideological differences, ideas can penetrate the often porous borders between different camps. Someone who receives the daily email blast from the Family Research Council might also be drawn to Wolfe’s book, for example. On a more unnerving, macro level, major right-wing and GOP figures, including Marjorie Taylor Greene and the CEO of the Daily Wire, the podcast consortium run by conservative influencer Ben Shapiro, have embraced the rabidly antisemitic, Hitler-admiring antagonist Nick Fuentes, who is Catholic but also is accurately described as a Christian nationalist. The increasingly influential Catholic integralist movement, which seeks a Catholic-inflected replacement for the “liberal order,” is yet another unique form of Christian nationalism.

Sarah Posner wrote for TPM about the variants of Christian Nationalism within the larger Christian Right movement.

#Donald Trump #Christian Nationalism #Christian Right #Mike Johnson #Alliance Defending Freedom #Focus On The Family #Family Research Council #Andrew Torba #Stephen Wolfe #Nick Fuentes

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catmarlowastrology · 8 months

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🌟 Charisma in the birth chart: Keke Palmer

Venus in Cancer in the 1st house means that Keke is very in tune with people's feelings. She's the kind of person others feel comfortable around quickly, almost like she can read their emotions. People just naturally like her and feel like she "gets them." Since this Venus placement is in her 1st house, these qualities are very noticeable right when you meet her. She doesn't hide them. She has a warm and inviting presence that draws people in. This makes her easy to approach and easy to connect with emotionally. When you're around her, you'd probably feel understood and cared for, which is a big part of her charm.

With Mars and Jupiter in Libra, she is naturally good at handling social situations. Mars provides her with the energy to be active and involved in social settings, while Jupiter brings a positive, optimistic vibe. These planets make her both lively and pleasant to be around. She is the person at a gathering who knows how to keep the conversation going, but also how to keep things peaceful and harmonious. She'd likely be skilled at resolving disagreements or smoothing over awkward moments, thanks to Libra's focus on diplomacy. This combination makes her not only likeable but also someone people might turn to for advice or mediation in conflicts. Her charm isn't just superficial; it's backed by an ability to make others feel understood and valued, making her a naturally magnetic person in social scenarios.

The Moon in Sagittarius makes Keke naturally open-minded, curious, and full of enthusiasm. In terms of charisma, this placement means she's likely to be someone who's not just pleasant to be around but also inspiring. Her curiosity and zest for life would make conversations with her engaging and possibly eye-opening, as she would enjoy discussing a wide range of topics from philosophy to travel to the meaning of life. She'd be interested in various cultures and ideologies, always seeking to expand her horizons and encouraging others to do the same. This openness can be infectious, making those around her feel more optimistic and willing to explore new perspectives or experiences.

With Mercury in Virgo, she would be a good communicator who pays attention to details. This placement means she's likely to be logical, organized, and practical in the way she thinks and talks. When you're having a conversation with her, you'd probably notice that she gets straight to the point and offers well-thought-out ideas or solutions. This adds to her overall charm by making her not just likable but also someone who can offer valuable insights or advice.

With Saturn in retrograde in Aquarius, she has her own unique way of thinking and might not always follow society's rules or expectations. She's a bit of a rebel at heart but in a thoughtful way. Being retrograde, Saturn could mean she questions authority and societal norms more inside her head than out loud. She might struggle internally with rules or traditions that she doesn't agree with. This gives her an interesting and edgy appeal. People might find her intriguing because she makes them think deeper or see things from a different angle. Her charisma wouldn't just be about being likeable; it would also draw people in because she's intellectually stimulating and a bit unpredictable.

Having Lilith in Aries means Keke would have a bold and direct side that's hard to ignore. This placement gives her a certain raw energy that makes her stand out. She might be the kind of person who isn't afraid to speak her mind or challenge the status quo. She would have a "take me as I am" attitude that some people find extremely attractive and authentic, while others might find it a bit too intense or confrontational. This adds an exciting, unpredictable element to her personality, making her interesting and even a bit mysterious. It's the kind of energy that could make people either really want to get to know her better or be slightly cautious around her, but either way, it makes her memorable.

Keke Palmer has a special way of connecting with people that makes her really memorable. She makes you feel understood and cared for, like a close friend who really "gets" you. At the same time, she's the type of person who makes you think about things in a new way, keeping conversations interesting and stimulating. She's also really good in social situations, able to keep things harmonious and balanced, making people feel comfortable around her. But what makes her especially captivating is that she has a daring, somewhat rebellious side that keeps people guessing and interested.

If you found this article enlightening and wish to delve deeper into the unique aspects of your own astrological makeup, you can purchase a Natal Report. With enlightening sections that address every aspect of your personality, this report is ideal if you want to learn more about yourself and discover the hidden potential of your chart.

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yandereunsolved · 2 months

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I am kind of obsessed with the idea of Evan Peter's characters with a magic system like Steven Universe. If you aren't familiar, the most bare-bones way to explain this is that certain characters are able to fuse with each other because of their bond. Their mind, body, and soul become one and create an entirely new being. If their fuse is unstable, then they will defuse. If they take a lot of damage, they will defuse. They can also stably defuse and return to their separate forms. If you want to know more about what I am talking about, go to the Steven Universe Wiki under Fusion Gems.

Now imagine Evan's characters fusing to create new characters. Tehe. Especially in a yandere setting.

Your toxic boyfriend Kai Anderson takes you to the Cortez to spend the night because every other place is booked. You both meet James Patrick March. Kai and James click together like puzzle pieces. One is an aspiring cult leader and the other is a mass murderer. They both have grown to be madly obsessed with you. Kai is only willing to share because James is even better of a manipulator than he is. They fuse and create a new being— their obsession and individual abilities multiply tenfold.

Giggling and kicking my feet in the air rn.

Quicksilver and Tate? Peter moves into the Murder House and you're their neighbor. Peter acts like Tate is his brother. Tate is totally a normal human boy. Nothing to see here. They both are all lovey dovey with you... so they fuse by accident once because Peter runs through Tate. Then, they decide to show you their fusion.

The yandere Evans forcing you into an unstable fusion??? Uh, oh. :( Darling, you don't understand. You are precious to them. This is the only way you can be with them in mind, body, and soul. They need this. They need to be one with you.

The wholesome babies being Kit and FrankenKyle. Kit doesn't really understand the entire undead thing but he helps Kyle become more human. You are the witch/warlock/[insert other magical thing] that is currently taking care of Kyle. Kit just adores how sweet and loving you are with him. They both fuse over their mutual attraction to you. The fusion is a bit unstable because Kyle is undead— so his scars show up on the fusion. Imagine those eyes??? Kits look and Kyle's innocent baby expression??? You have an oddly charming, himbo boyfriend now. Sometimes he struggles to speak and maintain eye contact.

Austin Sommers and Mr. Gallant. More giggling. It would be such an odd pair but it'd work. It'd work. You totally know that it would.

Luke Cooper & Colin Zabel. Shh... Lordy, lordy. Give Luke some credit. He never intended to fuse with anyone. He thought the idea was fucking stupid and useless to begin with. Ugh, a detective— so how did they fuse? You work for Michael Scott and therefore with Luke. Someone broke into the office after hours (Michael bribed you into helping teach Luke office skills. It was coming along horribly and Luke just kept flirting with you.) and that person tried to kill both of you. A masked gunperson. Colin comes in to help solve the case. Both Luke and Colin... end up fusing when Luke shows he gives a shit about something. Which is you and your safety.

This is already so long. Anygays, do you want me to expand on this idea:? Genuinely curious. Cause I would love to see what people come up with... and what if there was just an au of Evans fused characters??? (Even non-ahs related— I write a lot of ahs. that is why I am saying this.)

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ichooseviolence · 8 months

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I've been mulling over the idea of Sansa or Tyrion, or both, seeking out an annulment. Many people brush it aside and assume it's impossible or simply too difficult. I'm the silly, goofy type of person who believes there is a possibility. It would, of course, be very challenging at this point in the story, which is why I think it is possible in the future. A shift in power could make a difference. But I'm interested in your thoughts here.

According to GRRM, neither Tyrion nor Sansa would need to be present to annul their marriage, but at least one must request it. Unless Tyrion manages to find out and somehow objects, Sansa shouldn't be faced with too many challenges (under normal circumstances, of course). Of course, the more power and influence you have, the easier it will be. With the aid of Littlefinger, or anyone else with more influence, it just might be possible. Depending on who is acting High Septon, bribery would be an option. Although, as of now, Littlefinger shows no interest in going for an annulment and for sound reasons. As long as the Lannisters are still in power, Sansa will remain a wanted fugitive. So for now, he's relying on the death of Tyrion (so he says.)

Reasons for annulments:

Non-consummation

Marriage was forced

Crazy scenario where Tysha is alive and makes an appearance, and the "annulment" made by Tywin is proven to have not been legal. (Thought it was crazy at first, but someone explained to me why this would be a very real possibility, given the writing style of George.)

I'll say now, I think #2 could possibly be turned down by The High Septon or Council (even though it would require basic common sense to understand she was forced), and #3 would only be plausible if the Tysha theory were true. Obviously, the first option is our greatest one.

Non-consummated marriages that were dissolved/annulled:

Lancel and Amerei: Lancel joins the Warrior's Sons

Baelor and Daena

(am I forgetting any?)

Non-consummation is the main factor of their annulment. Of course, we all know that Tyrion and Sansa never consummated their marriage, and it was becoming common knowledge throughout the Red Keep. Proof of non-consummation is never suggested or hinted at. I would be surprised if a request for annulment was dismissed simply because a maiden's hymen is no longer intact, especially if she is not required to be present. I assume even Septons would be aware that a hymen could break from other activities, however difficult it may be. Basically, I think they would need more confirmation than that to rule it out. Note that non-consummation may not be the only ground for an annulment.

Let's take into account that even consummated marriages have either been annulled or requested an annulment:

Tyrion and Tysha: annulled by Tywin, and against either of their wills

Daemon and Rhea: Turned down by the king, Daemon banished by Viserys

Duncan and Jenny: requested by Aegon V, Duncan is forced to abdicate

Renly plotting an annulment between Cersei and Robert

Some of these examples prove that power and influence don't always work out for an annulment. As for Littlefinger's plans, I once saw a theory stating that Littlefinger may be planning to have to local religious authorities of the Vale declare Sansa as she was before her marriage to Tyrion, a maiden fit for marriage. (When the time is right, of course.) How feasible is this plan? There are other options, of course. Is LF really waiting around for Tyrion to die, is he truly intending for Sansa to marry Harry, or is their betrothal all he really needs before his ultimate plans fall into place?

A few more questions, if you're interested in expanding the discussion.

Will Sansa and Tyrion end the series a married couple?

Will they end the series married but separated?

Will one of them be widowed? (Who do you think will live?)

Will they eventually get an annulment?

#sansa stark

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geostelar5 · 5 months

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A Tribute to the Belmonts

So I am a decently big fan of Castlevania, but I have never really been into the Netflix Series past the first Season, I didnt like the second enough and I wanted to see something adapting the game's story and enhancing it. I've seen the critism that the early games bearly had a story and I say Nay Nay! They had Simple Stories, not BAD stories, they had effective stories, ones that could have easily been expanded upon and made ever better. So I wanted to put together a little post as a Tribute to the clan that Hunts the Night! Specifically highlighting my favorites from the earlier games that I feel is a shame they didn't get much attention. Leon Belmont:Not the most powerful but man is he one of the BEST Belmonts for starting the whole Storyline. Imagine that you were off on a holy mission, the only thing keeping you going is the idea of returning home to your loving Fiance Sara only to find shes been kidnapped by Vampire in the night and your only hope of saving her is to delve through HELL, you have nothing that can properly fight off the monsters but someone gives you a Whip, one enchanted to fight monsters. The only reason why its allowed to exist is because the arrogance of Walter, the man who abducted your true love. Then, after venturing through the depths of hell and evil you come in and find that your Sara has already been infected by the devil that kidnapped her, she is turning into a monster and can not stop it. All is lost, but instead of dispair Sara gives you hope, gives you a purpose. She sacrifices herself to empower your whip, and to make it able to slay any Evil being. Even the mighty vampire lord Walter. Filled with a new purpose, you storm the castle once more. Destroying everything in your way! Then, once Walter has been defeated your best friends appears and reveals that he has orchestrated this whole ordeal in order to spite god for taking his own wife. Mathias, your best friend decided it was appropriate to sacrifice your love, and offers you a chance to join him..But that would be a Betrayal of Sara's memory. Holding her dying wish to your chest you exclaim NO MORE! NO ONE WILL SUFFER LIKE I DID! I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO KILL YOU NOW BUT MY DESCENDANTS SHALL HUNT THE NIGHT!! Uuugh so good, I love it I love it! Trevor Belmont:The only belmont actually explored by the Netflix Series and uuugh really dislike the angle that they went with him to make the Church the evil beings that they are. I am fine with him being an outcast at first, thats part of his story after all but...I dont like him as a sarcastic dick because thats not who Trevor is. I dont like that he only really helps when he absolutely has to, and that it seems lke he doesnt are about anything because to me... I always felt like Trevor was someone who couldn't help but assist others.

The Common Man rejected him and his family years ago, afraid of their power, afraid of who they were. Trevor couldn't stop himself but help defend them when Dracula's Crusade attacked Wallachia, he was there. Waiting for the permission to help, as soon as he was called upon there was no hesitation. Desptie the fact that he was outcast, despite the abuse he suffered, the Noble Trevor decided to fight on to defend the innocent people. To make sure that Dracula's Crusade didn't last more than a Single Night! It is this determinaion, this natural want to help others, to be good that influences those around him. Through this he frees those around him from the Various Prisons and Curses that Dracula placed on them and gathers allies, a mystical sorcerer, a petty thief and Dracula's own Son Rebelling against his father. It is through these peopel thata he finds family, he finds acceptance, it is through his allies that he finds people that he truely loves and finds more willing to fight for, it reinforces his noble heart and crusade and it is thanks to those allies that he is able to overcome the Army of Dracula's undead minons and monsters walking through Castlevania and destroying the man yourself with Sara's Whip, the Vampire Killer has truely earned its name now! You have managed to fuffil your family's purpose you have slain Dracula...Now you need to defend the world from his remaining minions.

Simon:The Absolute Chad who Netflix skipped over because they were afraid of his power. Thats the ONLY reason why I think they didn't adapt him. The MAHN! Who stormed Dracula's Castle On his own the NIGHT that he emerged determined to not let anyone die. The one who single handedly charged his way through the castle, who slayed everything in his path. Who killed Dracula all on his own and during the battle had a curse placed on him, one that he endured for 7 Years and was nearly dead before he had to venture around Wallachia this time and gather the parts of Dracula...Only to have to kill that bitch again and tell the man he wasn't wanted.

This is the man who is an aboslute Paragon of the Clan, the one who would help literally everyone and anyone with any task they needed. He is the one who managed to get the common man to trust in the Belmont Clan again, he is the one who interacted with everyone. The one who made it so that everyone could put their faith in the Vampire Slayers. He is the one who endured the most hardship on his own and did it silently, he is the one who turned his family's reputation around to the legends they are today. When you think Belmont, you think Simon. Which could have been expanded upon SO MUCH. WE know enough about Simon, the man who grew up hearing legends of Trevor, of Leon, of heroes and decided to be one himself. A guy who really knew what it meant to HUNT THE NIGHT and he was skipped!

I feel like Netflix Squandered a lot of the really cool aspects of Castlevania that I liked to do its own thing and while thats cool...I just wish we could see the Video Games come to life in a new way, see expanded intepritations of these characters instead of New Ones using their name.

#konami #castlevania #nes games #nintendo #vampires #dracula #classic games

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chemicalbrew · 4 months

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2023 game list, part 2: more like one game six+ times 🥉

I'll be honest: I separated this year's list into two parts mostly for ease of editing (the first part had ten lengthy entries I got tired of scrolling past long ago), but also... I thought it would be nice to have a clear divide between games I was not quite happy with and the few games that managed to impress me this year. If for some reason you want to see me being salty first, you can click here, but other than that... we're good to get this show on the road!

Ys IX: Monstrum Nox (PC, 2019; 2021 port) [♪ New Life]

This one will be more of a rapid-fire ramble, because, even though I enjoyed the game and am willing to defend certain aspects of it, there's little doubt that it's one of this series' weaker outings. Really, it making it onto the second half of the list is mostly due to bias and the fact that this series' core systems (most of which any Ys fan is painfully familiar with) are consistently good, mindless fun. Anyway, here's my more scattered thoughts I can't be bothered to stitch together:

The soundtrack is mostly an obvious downgrade and largely forgettable - literally the only tracks that stayed with me even a little are the one linked and, surprisingly, Marionette, Marionette, but that's to be expected of nu-Falcom :(

The amount of references to past games Monstrum Nox has shows good self-awareness and is something I was absolutely not expecting. I'm just familiar enough with Ys to pick up on most of them, so I wonder how subtle they are for those without the knowledge.

I actually loved being confined inside Balduq and forced to explore every nook and cranny of it, even more so because of how it contrasts with the openness of Ys 8. They pulled no stops when it came to committing to the aesthetic, and I was caught off guard with how much I liked it all. A highlight to me is the graffiti you can find all over the streets!

The new gift abilities greatly expand traversal options, even if implementation of them is not exactly free-form. A bold idea and one I enjoyed greatly. Otherwise, there isn't much major change in how exploration and battling works from 8, but there really doesn't need to be, I think. They fixed the fucking raid mechanic, and that's all that matters - even if the equivalent of it feels horribly tacked on.

Most people would say the Monstrum designs are over the top, but I personally don't care. They all slap, especially Doll and Adol himself, of course (I was ogling that long hair even before the game came out, hell yeah). As for their personal arcs, nothing really stands out the way Dana did in 8, despite each character getting their own time to shine, but I can forgive an Ys game for not bothering with complex characters. In particular, the development surrounding Jules and the conundrum with his disabilities, while somewhat barebones, didn't feel disrespectful at all and was a super pleasant surprise.

(screenshot that doesn't have much to do with anything, I just liked it)

The homunculus twist at the end of the game came out of nowhere and ruined my final impression of the story greatly. That's all, really.

Chained Echoes (PC, 2022) [♪ Standing Tall]

One of my clearest memories of Chained Echoes is the amount of people I'd seen among circles of RPG fans crying out last December that this is the game that was going to snatch the title of GOTY right from everyone's noses. Admittedly, this is one of those silly cases where I recall being intrigued by the name of the game alone (how often does that even happen these days?), and the rest was just a bonus - yes, even the impressive pixel art and soundtrack.

This makes me think I'd had healthier expectations of this game than most people, but even then… The truth of the matter is that Chained Echoes will never leave the shadows of the classics from the 90s it proudly claims to be inspired by. In trying to make itself stand out and match its own ambitions, it forgets itself and fails to leave a lasting impression - I can certainly say I enjoyed the time I spent, but when I remember more about fighting sentient vegetables than how the game actually ended, something is obviously wrong.

Now, I loved smacking the hell out of those vegetables - the battle system is decently refined for the most part, and values your time greatly. To me, the most notable features of the process are those shamelessly taken from Chrono Cross, and for good reason: if there's anything that game nailed, it's the on-field enemy encounters, automatic resource restoration between battles, and what's probably one of its more well-known ideas - lack of EXP in a conventional sense. Chained Echoes wholeheartedly embraces those conveniences, almost as if to ask 'Why isn't all this standard yet? It's the 2020s!', and I find myself agreeing. The unique systems this game presents on top of everything are hit or miss (particularly the mech combat, the part that remains grindy through the dumb proficiency system), and combat may not be perfectly balanced (if you weren't shredding through mobs with Sierra, what were you even doing?), but… Everything surrounding combat just felt so full of fresh potential, and took so little time besides, with the already quick animations whooshing by at the press of a button, that it was extremely easy to forgive any faults.

There are many creative changes made out of battle as well - the most interesting of them being the reward board. It's simple to explain - very early into the game, you unlock a list of objectives spanning the entire world map, laid out on a grid. The tasks themselves range from 'enter the area' and 'beat this specific monster type' to 'beat a miniboss without taking damage' and 'open every single chest you can find'. The cool part is that, while each square provides a reward on its own, there are bigger fish to fry, as there's a separate list of items you get by filling out squares adjacent to each other! It's genuinely impressive how effective this elegant system is at getting you to engage with the world you explore… at least until you realize how ridiculous the late-game tasks can get. And even here, there are misguided ideas that threaten to ruin the gameplay flow - for example, the gem system, that was likely inspired by its simple and functional counterpart in Xenoblade 1, is exceedingly convoluted and involves lots of boring fishing for item drops for somewhat negligible advantages.

It's when the game stops copying the greats that bigger cracks begin to show, though. As a whole, Echoes' writing is a weak point - both because it seems to favor shock value and piles of barely logical twists over anything coherent towards the finish line, and because this game's sole creator took great pains to write the script entirely by himself, in a language that's not his own (guy's from Germany, if I remember correctly). Being bilingual myself, I'd like to say I can imagine how much of a struggle that must have been, and you seriously have to respect the hustle, but it doesn't mean that the end result of all those efforts isn't faulty and should be safe from criticism.

This is a game that very clearly would have benefited from just one more person looking over the script and flow of the plot - if practically every main party member winds up traumadumping to keep the player's attention as tropes they'd probably seen in Chrono Trigger before play out… once again, something has gone terribly wrong, especially since most of said characters weren't too appealing in the first place. This makes Chained Echoes one of the RPGs where the G part is stronger than the RP part, for better or for worse. But it's fun while it lasts, and not the worst way to spend 40 or so hours!

Pokemon Black (DS, 2011) [♪ Relic Castle]

Everything went precisely as I predicted, with the exact problems I imagined I would have, but I finally managed to find the mystery of what makes the series tick for people, both on a general and personal level. Pokemon has spat on some of my detrimental gaming tendencies (as in, the urge to explore everywhere that exists and obtain everything that moves) and in the same breath provided an experience that, in all its flaws, either objective ones or stemming from my own misunderstandings, proved to be surprising at every turn. It's, uh, really cool.

Now here is a funny thing: I cheated. In the literal sense. And I did that a lot. Here's what I used in Black, just cause I can put it out there:

full exp share without needing to swap your whole team in (they should just make this a toggle in the settings, the fact that they never have, not even in newer entries, is baffling.)

forcing any Pokemon within the regional dex to spawn. I probably wouldn't do it ever again, cause now that I understand what Pokemon wants to be, I also see there's really no point to forcing Pokemon to appear just to box them - it's harder to get any sort of bond with your creatures going that way. In addition, a lot of the alternate Pokemon at least get shown off in mandatory fights, so there was no point fretting over not getting to see them (you have no clue how happy I was to see N with Reuniclus, it just felt so right). The series is lying to you - the real joys are NOT in catching them all.

Season switcher (since I played 90% of the game in December, and it took less than a month to beat, it kinda sucked seeing the dreary winter variants all the time. I don't really blame the feature itself, it's just that I don't like real-time-sensitive things in games - especially when they're linked to unique rewards. I loved Deerling and the concept behind it, but just because it was December, I'd have been robbed of its illegally adorable spring variant without cheats! Boo.)

Spawning phenomena and random encounters at the press of a button. Probably the key improvement to the experience! Call me spoiled by modern RPGs, but I have grown from disliking pure random encounters to disdaining them, and this allowed me to segregate area exploration (which was enjoyable in its simplicity and layering through the dowsing machine) and making sure my catching and leveling is up to par while I chill out listening to different pieces from this game on loop or catching up with a stream - two goals that, to me, kinda don't mesh that well on their own. Especially with the normally horrible phenomena appearance rate.

Suffice it to say, my experience with this game was not quite the intended one, but I am still glad for it - it allowed me to get over my preconceptions and expectations of this storied series and, at least to some extent, prepared me for whatever entry I will choose to engage with next (likely Black 2). Next time, I won't be bending the game to my whims quite as much, but I feel like my frustrations with this series heavily relying on missable content will always remain.

With this silly kind of disclaimer out of the way, let's try to talk about Pokemon Black itself. The first thing I remember is just how linear it was - you walk through route after route and claim one badge after another until you find yourself facing the champion, which is where the game finally pulls its rug from under your feet. By now, it should be obvious that I enjoy not having to fuss over what to do next, so I found this to be a boon, but I could absolutely understand longtime fans being irritated by how little choice you have in matters.

Speaking of which, Unova robs you of choices in another infamous way - for the duration of the main story, you're forced to use the new additions to the Pokedex. Once again, this is something that bothered me less than it would most people, doubly so because a lot of the seemingly commonly hated new (for their time) designs actually appealed to me a fair bit. If there's only one Trubbish and Vanilluxe fan on this earth, it's me, or however that meme went - I would give my limb and soul for object Pokemon, I think that's one of the best ideas of the series ever.

The graphics certainly aren't much to write home about and didn't truly age gracefully, but nonetheless, they likely stand the test of time better than the entries following would, and are more than serviceable. With sweeping camera angles, detailed Pokemon sprites and larger-than-life vistas greeting you as you bike from town to town, it's clear this game wanted nothing more than to impress players, and I'd argue that it succeeded, given the timeframe of release, and especially the region Unova was inspired by.

The music, however, is where the game really shines - with town themes ranging from sweet and cozy to ones that end up never quite leaving your mind (remember how Driftveil City became a huge meme? Oddly, I feel like that's enough proof of how awesome the soundtrack is), character themes that feel tailor-made and convey more about them than their own dialogue sometimes, and sufficiently catchy battle music (with the standouts, of course, being reserved for the more… legendary encounters).

When it comes to the story, I... appreciate it existing. It was what I came to this game for, but I ended up staying more so for the team that I lovingly chose for myself and that carried me from dungeon to dungeon. It's not bad by any means, and I can see why people want the series to even try something like this again, but what's bold for this series is overdone for many others.

That said, they really nailed basically everything about N, dear god. I love him so much. And while I might not be familiar with how the series usually handles rival characters, I enjoyed getting to compare and contrast between Cheren and Bianca's personal struggles. Cheren's theme is a banger, to boot.

PS. I hope whoever decided Volcarona should evolve at level 59 explodes somewhere, that was NOT worth it.

Shin Megami Tensei IV (3DS, 2013) [♪ Aboveground Urban Area C]

BEHOLD, MY DEMONS! (pictured: not demons)

Holy shit, an actually fun dungeon crawler from the company behind the ever so boring Etrian Odyssey that I decided to play only thanks to Tumblr memeing on the glorious Black Market theme? Who woulda thunk.

If you say you play this game for the plot, I will not believe you. I'm here for the character design (equal parts silly and god-tier, which, going by my opinion on Xenoblade 2, is just what the doctor ordered), the surprisingly exhilarating kill-or-be-killed battle system designed around finding and capitalizing on weaknesses, coupled with the distinct gameplay loop of fighting, coercing and fusing demons, the incredible atmosphere every grossly pixelated texture seems to ooze, and most of all, what might be one of the greatest soundtracks in all of gaming, to me.

The music is what single-handedly turns what would otherwise be a forgettable, convoluted and at times almost offensive experience into something outstanding. Combined with the broad strokes with which SMT4 sets up and gradually expands its setting, it's jaw-dropping just how big of an impression the game can leave you with while utilizing what feels like the bare minimum in terms of visuals (I mean this in the best way possible! I love when games make the most of their limited resources). It's a shame, then, that these two qualities practically carry the game on their back, riddled with flaws as it otherwise is.

Seriously though, the storylines manage to be simultaneously straightforward and messy somehow, to the point where even the self-proposed 'golden' route is easily questioned by a player who's willing to give it a minute of thought. There's enough to latch onto here for impressionable people, but the truth is, SMT4 loves to oversimplify complex matters in favor of haphazardly committing to extremes, which in turn ruins its leading characters - each in their own way, as they refuse to grow and develop most predictably, even if you go out of your way to give them a chance.

(how the fuck are you supposed to take a game that has this textbox in it seriously? This is divinity talking, you know)

The worst part about it all is that while it's you, your player character, influencing the world, you're not really given an explanation of how your actions change things until it's already too late and you're left on your own to gape at how you trying to be nice to people actually led to what's functionally an elitist genocide. That is, if you weren't like me and didn't end the game prematurely with the ending that wipes out everyone instead of most people that are baselessly declared filthy and unclean. And if you want to see a path that pretends to be more reasonable, you have to use a guide and jump through hoops and fetch quests beforehand. Yeah, sure, that's fine.

I'm sure there are many more things people more familiar with SMT could critique when it comes to this entry (especially since I mentioned nothing about the Chaos route, which I frankly don't remember), but the fact that even me, a complete newcomer to the series, ended up less than impressed with SMT4's overall message... has to say something, no?

And yet, the experience remains unique and, in the most literal sense of the word, addictive. Maybe it's just my monkey brain willing to give games a pass if their mechanics click with me hard enough, but... It's fun to explore a kingdom and city in turn, to uncover bits and bobs on your map as you hunt for relics, to overwhelm your enemy in a single Press Turn, and even to get lost in the horribly designed Domains, all the while the literal coolest music you've heard in your life keeps playing. And soon enough, you come to feel that strange familiarity and comfort as go through the motions and backtrack to Mikado for the 100th time.

I'll be honest, this shit is why I yearn for more dungeon crawlers to love (that aren't just Brandish...) all the time. Hopefully I'll eventually man up and play another entry in this series, so I can better understand what the core fanbase appreciates and wants from Shin Megami Tensei as a whole.

Octopath Traveler II (PC, 2023) [♪ Cait's Theme]

(Someone tell me who had to sell their soul to make such gorgeous boss sprites...)

I missed my chance to engage with OT1 back in the day (mostly because I was put off by middling reviews), so to see the series spring back to relevance this year was actually a lovely surprise, especially with me gaining appreciation for HD-2D after playing Live A Live. It really felt like everything had aligned for me to get the most out of Octopath 2! Even more so because this game is a shining example of how to iterate on a sequel.

Most fans say there's barely any reason to return to 1 after playing 2, and they're frankly right. It would be harder to say what 2 did not improve on than to list all the positive changes! But here I am, trying to explain just how many elements had to combine to create my actual favorite RPG of the year. Here we go!

First off, this is the prettiest HD-2D game yet, pulling all the stops when it comes to polishing the style. There are more refined details in the scenery, every sprite looks buttery smooth, and with the new day and night cycle, OT2 is extremely eager to show off just what its lighting engine is capable of. This game is simply a treat to look at no matter what you're doing, and the soundtrack matches the ambition it exhibits.

There are more voiced cutscenes than before and you can let them autoplay - a small but vital quality of life change. The main stories have a decently varied structure compared to the previous game's rigid formulas, and the sidequests generally value quality over quantity (though they're still not much to write home about, and they're a pain in the ass to actually find and keep track of - this game has the most useless journal of any RPG).

One of the core elements of the battle system - the jobs your characters can use - are rebalanced and made easier to understand, and there's more of them to discover for yourself. As a whole, the tools you get to use in battle are greatly expanded, but more on that in a bit.

Lastly, it's easier to witness the cast interact, because they fixed the travel banter system! (Can't believe they made so much of what makes these characters likeable so easy to miss before...) There's more of these interactions to see, too - Crossed Paths, quests tailored to specific character pairings, are a genius addition to the game, if somewhat underutilized. They actually bothered to try and tie the eight stories together, as well, compared to the pathetic whimper the first game ends with! Though whether the attempt was successful is debatable, what's there is not half bad.

While I do believe I would have laid my eyes on this game eventually no matter what, due to the praise it's been getting in circles of RPG fans (I wish OT was more recognized than it already is, even if it is decently popular. The potential the series has is off the charts), what really pushed me was Hikari's very existence. One look at him, and you just know he's gonna be involved in an epic struggle and have to fight for his friends - and that's exactly what he does. It's glorious, and fits the overall message\vibe of the series - that is to say, getting to go on a journey and find new friends for your cause and new experiences - exceptionally well. This is why I, and most people, would probably recommend you start with him, though of course, you're free to do what you want.

Being relatively free to explore instead of roped along to go places like a traditional RPG would is a double-edged sword, especially because Octopath locks in your first chosen character, so they usually get overleveled, but at the same time the game expects you to have a functional (evenly geared and leveled) party of eight by endgame, which you might not be aware of and only have four peeps prepared. This could be solved with a simple toggle to give benched party members the same amount of EXP, or - and they literally do this in the endgame, so why not before?! - let us freely swap any time instead of only getting to do it in towns.

On the other hand, getting to watch eight (seemingly) disjointed stories unfold makes for a refreshing experience where you never know what (or who, at first) you will find. The travelers are divided half and half between two continents, but on my run I screwed it up - I got really curious about what's up north, which led to me finding Osvald early (and his chapter 1 warning scared the crap out of me for no reason, lol), so three characters were from the west and one was from the east. It's not nearly as big of a deal as I make it sound, especially later on with more options available, but before you discover such things and adjust yourself to what the game wants from you, it can feel quite challenging.

Speaking of challenging, I loved how the battle system in this game works - even if it's your typical turn-based bells and whistles with a job system attached, at least at first glance. The jobs themselves, while probably not groundbreaking or anything, still succeed in giving the party members their own ways to shine and even diversifying their movesets, thanks to the mechanic that lets you freely mix and match jobs! You can optimize to your heart's content, or mess around and go with the prettiest outfits.

(look at them!! just look!!)

The bread and butter of this series, however, the Thing it does to distinguish itself from myriads of other turn-based games, is the Break and Boost systems.

Break is simple enough to explain - each enemy you face boasts a certain number of shields, and before you figure out their weaknesses and break through, you're unlikely to deal any significant damage. Finding weak points can be cumbersome at times, especially if you don't have a Scholar to reveal them for you (I admit to looking them up occasionally instead of wasting SP\BP with Analyze), but it still doesn't take too much time, even less if you know the one trick to it. And your reward for doing so is getting a free turn to dish out damage (or set up buff combos)!

Boosting is an entirely different matter, though. In addition to the usual health and skill points, your party members gain a boost point each turn (provided they didn't use them on the last turn). You can have up to five points in reserve, and you can use up to three in a single turn to augment your chosen move - from simple damage increases to attacking multiple times in a turn (to break shields faster) to making buffs and debuffs last longer… basically everything gets much better if you boost. There are even special moves called Divine Skills that require 3 BP to use in the first place, and funnily enough, they range from game-breaking to actually kind of pathetic.

What's more, each character has special actions in and out of battle that are mostly unique to them - for example, Castti, the apothecary, can concoct powerful brews to aid you or damage the enemy, and in towns, she can chat up NPCs to get information by day or put them to sleep with specialized herbs by night. Meanwhile Hikari, the warrior, can learn skills no one else can by fighting NPCs one-on-one, which can be extraordinarily useful or... something like this:

The NPCs themselves don't seem too impressive at first, but as you make use of your characters' Path Actions, you realize that most of them have a small story to tell almost entirely through game mechanics, reminding you how vital worldbuilding is to an open-ended game like this. Robbing children of candy with Throne or getting to uncover short, but ridiculously dark backstories with Osvald never got old.

OT2 adds a cherry on top of all these layers by giving each party member another unique move in Latent Powers, which, too, can be either ridiculously overpowered (hello, free concocting?! why yes, I want to give my entire party 2000 HP, 200 SP and 1 BP at literally zero cost!) or incredibly niche (Osvald really got the short end of the stick here - you're better off boosting his actual spells than using his latent, which at best is only useful when Mugging and feels like an afterthought.).

And before all of that even starts, you have to pay attention to how you kit out your party. It's not just about what equipment has the bigger numbers - you need to consider its secondary effects, too, but more importantly, you need to pick the right secondary jobs to have a party that's truly well-rounded. If you explore the world thoroughly enough to unlock lots of job licenses, the sky's your limit, really - but the idea is to have a healthy balance between weapon types and skills while playing into each character's natural strengths.

You'd think having to make so many choices would feel overwhelming, but there's plenty of opportunities for the player to acclimate to the system and make it work for them. And they better learn the ropes quickly, because in boss battles, Octopath expects them to use every one of the tools they have. The game doesn't really go out of its way to explain how your skills can synergize to wreak havoc upon anything that stands in your way (sometimes before the enemy even gets a chance to act!), lending a sort of simple and pure joy to the moment when it all just clicks, when you begin to try out one bonkers combination after the other (does Critical Scope work on magic spells? Just how powerful is poison in Challenge fights? If I make Osvald a thief, will he still hit the damage cap with Aeber's Reckoning?), and they all just… work. Before that point, the game isn't afraid to kick your confused ass to the game over screen, but if you experiment, it won't be too long before you emerge victorious every time. To be rewarded like this for taking in your every option is immensely satisfying.

I also have to give a shout-out to the voice work done for all these battles specifically - every character gets a unique line for every move in every class, and they react to fellow party members breaking enemies or getting low on health. Really, the amount of detail in this one specific regard is just insane. Add to this the fact that you can fight at double speed with a press of a button (sure, this is nothing compared to how 6x turbo mode in Trails spoils you, but it's better than nothing, and for a game like this, it's enough), and battles in OT2 flow like a spring breeze, especially since, due to gear mattering more than level, you're not really encouraged to grind throughout the main story… or stories, as it were.

You'll have to forgive me for spending so long rambling about gameplay intricacies before getting to the game's actual draw - the eight different plots it offers you and the open-ended structure that comes from it. The truth is, most of these stories start out with a bang, but few of them have really enjoyable resolutions, and even less will manage to impress seasoned players.

Not to mention that, aside from the skit-like travel banter, they're completely isolated from one another, further lending to the feeling that your party members are less characters and more movesets. This is likely the most common complaint the series gets, and I have to say, it felt odd at first to me as well, but by now I'm a little tired of seeing people rag on the lack of connection between the stories. Having smaller vignette-like stories instead of an overarching plot is something you never see other RPGs do nowadays, it's one of Octopath's selling points, it's practically its beating heart, and it's something done with purpose. An artistic choice not being something you're used to is no reason to completely disregard it, even if there's room to grow and improve.

And plenty of room there is - while the stories have enough meat to them to enjoy what's happening in the moment, the boss fights in them are as cool as always, and the voice work accompanying all of the scenes is just lovely (though it can be poorly mixed on occasion - looking at you, Ori!), the core of the individual tales is usually somewhat basic and a little underdeveloped, if not downright nonsensical. Ochette's story could probably be put in a Pokemon game with very little changes, and, sorry to say, I don't mean that as a compliment. Having the plot revolve around catching legendary creatures to save the world had me mostly snoozing, controller in hand.

Or take, for example, Partitio and his charming, resourceful butt. It's hard not to love him, but if you think about what he's doing for more than a moment, it doesn't quite make sense - how do you go about squashing capitalism on the entire continent on your own, much less by ushering the world into the industrial era? Isn't that having too much faith in people?

Even Hikari, who started as my favorite and ended just the same (Howard Wang killed it as his voice actor, let's be real), doesn't have a particularly compelling plot going on. His story of having to take off to reclaim his kingdom is, I'd wager, one with more wasted potential than others, given how the whole cursed bloodline subplot just went nowhere. And don't get me started with Throne - I got spoiled on what happened at the end of her story and refused to believe it until the farce was staring me right in the face.

The exception to this would probably be Castti, whose tale of self-discovery and determination, while still playing out by the books, ended up genuinely touching all the same, with a natural escalation of the stakes in it and a wonderful conclusion that integrates gameplay mechanics particularly well, having you personally concoct the remedy to save a whole region and give them peace.

The one thing that elevates every one of these plots, every failure and success of this game, is its soundtrack. I'm not sure if I wholeheartedly prefer this OST to the first game, but they're both just outstanding. While it was easy for me to pick a single favorite to show off, it's hard to overstate just how awesome Yasunori Nishiki's work is as a whole, and we'd be here all day were I to keep pointing out the majority of the music as the masterpiece it is. The themes for various locations are lovingly crafted to suit the mood, with an awesome choice to add ethereal vocals for some of the night themes to make it more atmospheric (my favorites are Roque Island, Tropu'hopu, and, of course, the kingdom of Ku), and the character themes are particularly well thought out, expanding on their personalities in ways the text never quite could. Shout-out to both Agnea's theme and her Song of Hope, and the ways they tie her whole plotline together!

Octopath Traveler II turned out to be my sleeper hit of 2023, and has done so much more for me than I expected it to. Now there's nothing left for me but to yearn for an even more polished and expansive continuation to the series!

A Hat in Time (PC, 2017) [♪ Heating Up Mafia Town]

I feel like I owe much of my enjoyment of this game to my inexperience. 3D platforming is one of those genres that is practically integral to gaming itself (and collectathons, more specifically, are niche only in the most technical sense), yet before playing A Hat in Time I'd refused to engage with anything of the sort out of sheer principle. "What fun is there in getting perpetually lost while trying to hunt for pointless thingamajigs scattered all over?", I'd think to myself. I'd see people online wax poetic about the old classics like Banjo and Spyro and such and find it all completely incomprehensible.

In comes Hat Kid, and from the word go it's obvious that the name of her game is… silliness. After all, the question isn't 'why should you sow fear in mafia goons and crash onto filming sets', it's 'why shouldn't you do that?'. And as you get roped in by the absurdity of these subplots thrown at you, with so many NPCs having a goofy one-liner or three to say, you realize that behind these layers of charm are solidly crafted sandboxes for you to just enjoy yourself in, coupled with delightful sections that are, for all intents and purposes, obstacle courses.

I enjoyed the latter much more, as I tend to do, but they're two different sides of the same great coin, so to speak. And aside from a couple specific levels that gave me a headache (like the long-ass parade level, the infamous Alpine Skyline hub with how long traversal takes in it, and ESPECIALLY The Twilight Bell. Holy shit, that one just wasn't fun for me after a while), exploration was rewarding, and pretty smooth sailing - with good variation in level structure and near endless attention to detail (be ready to sit there like 'they made a unique animation just for that?!').

A part of what made it so easy to enjoy was how simple the movement in this game is - what you have at your disposal is, essentially, a double jump and a dive, which can be canceled out of. That makes it great for someone like me, who still fears being forced to get acquainted with a complex control scheme in a game with movement as the focus (the 'why press three buttons when one would do' approach), but at the same time… it means that there's only one optimal way to move through the world quickly, so dozens of hours in, I felt as if I could repeat the button combination endlessly in my sleep.

Sure, there's badges that can change your experience substantially - making you dash faster, or turn into an ice statue in lieu of a ground pound, or use a goddamn hookshot, or a bunch of other things, but… having only three slots for them, and knowing one of them will probably be always taken by something like the No Bonk badge (which feels like an essential quality of life feature) is severely limiting. I would love it if there were more slots to prevent constantly having to compromise and switch badges around… or a slightly expanded base moveset for Hat Kid.

On a more positive note, I loved the more tightly directed and difficult experiences that the optional Time Rifts offered. Finding them might not have been half as fun as clearing them, but the reward was more than worth it almost every time. And that's to say nothing of the game's presentation, which is sublime in how stylish it is. I could see people being set off by how the art style feels purposely crude at times, but personally, I couldn't care about that less - it only adds to the charm, in fact.

The music, meanwhile, is peppy and upbeat every step of the way, and fits the mood of the game perfectly. Even though you find yourself revisiting the same levels numerous times, there are always new versions of the tracks you've come to like, and neat twists to the traversal process - it's obvious how much A Hat in Time wants you to relax, be entertained, and enjoy the ride. That might come at the cost of it not telling a particularly gripping story, but it's hard to hold that against the game. Sometimes you just want to bonk mafia goons on the head for a while, you know?

Tower of Heaven (PC - Flash, 2009) [♪ Indignant Divinity]

There is no prize as precious as that which you have lost.

Tower of Heaven, to me, is about going back to the roots - in the literal sense, as your character gets cast down and smitten by lightning over and over, and in a sense that's more meta, as there's definitely a sort of through-line puncturing the developer's offerings; one that presents itself in subtle ways, but is plain to see regardless with every game you boot up, and every death that makes you chuckle at your own subpar execution. So, in essence, me playing this platformer (on my birthday, no less! good to know there's something you can rely on even on otherwise middling days) became this experience about paying respects to foundations laid in the past so I could better appreciate the legacy they leave in the future.

It's kind of a tall ask for a game this small and niche (and Flash having been murdered in cold blood absolutely does not help! Everyone say thanks to that one post about Flashpoint that was making rounds back in the day, it made my mission to experience this game that much easier!!!), and I do admit to over-exaggerating the feeling, but still, it's hard not to feel affected in any way, as insignificant as it may be, while playing Tower of Heaven. The presentation is subdued and few words, and hours, are spared to explain your situation. It's just you, the blocks and doors that comprise simple levels in front of you... and a godly force seeking to work you hard as you try to go ever higher.

But as you walk through the first door on your way, the soulful music kicks in and begins to swell (if I were any more nerdy, this game would have probably become my favorite example of leitmotif usage at the drop of a hat. People who complain about this soundtrack are cowards), and your journey starts to grow more complex, little by little. As the levels slowly expand, so do the rules the mysterious force encumbers you with - combining to demand you make a singular, perfect path forward for yourself. This feeling of honesty and straightforwardness between designer and player is one of the key things this developer simply never fails at, and a part of what made me fall in love with it all in the first place.

The twists along the way may be small, but none of them feel like a waste, and as the game comes to an end, a familiar theme of standing up for yourself and facing a world unknown comes to the surface, and you can't help but feel... accomplished, if only a little. It was you who started this journey and you who brought it to its inevitable end, after all! But when you see the credits, plainly stating your basic stats, you might gawk a little. Secret rooms? What secret rooms?

With that simple move, you're encouraged to spend just a little while more - looking around, polishing your movement, paying more attention. It's not like the secrets are hard to find (or are, indeed, worth anything - it's incredibly fitting that the rooms contain treasure that is of no tangible worth to the player), but it's the fact that they were there all along that elevates the experience.

Tower of Heaven might not have much to say, but it says what it has to gracefully and concisely, in ways that many other games simply do not. And even as you inevitably fall, it makes you remember - there's always somewhere to go. Always a place to make for yourself. No matter who might be saying otherwise.

Pause Ahead (PC - Flash, 2013) [♪ Hiatus]

In many ways, this game is treading familiar grounds, but it manages to expand upon them gracefully. There's a greater sense of mystery to this one, and a lovely meta-narrative that never feels overbearing - not to mention the obvious difference in presentation and the gameplay change Pause Ahead is named after.

With a light tap of the Shift button, you can ground the level to a halt... while retaining momentum yourself. Knowing when to stop and go is key to making your way forward, as you're, once again, at times belittled and at other times besought by a mysterious voice. And, of course, you're free to simply abuse and spam this feature just to see the small easter eggs and jokes it hides. As should be by now expected, the little things like this make it feel like no time or space is wasted executing a small, but powerful concept, and iterating on it over time.

As you clear a stage, you are treated to a quick playback of all attempts you've suffered through to get this far, reminding you of your persistence and the power you wield in this strange, somehow lonely world. This may be little more than an escape attempt, but it's uniquely yours, and you're free to take your time with it as you please. This, coupled with small, but consistent details like the messages in the fake pause menu I mentioned, leads to a pleasant feeling that you're getting as much out of this game as you put in, and it's relishing your time spent with it as much as you do.

Just like I said before, there's something about the tight design of these compact experiences that is hard to find elsewhere - a sort of wordless understanding that gradually forms as you experiment with the small pool of options given, and manages to stick in your memory long after you put the game down. And that's to say nothing of the tiny, yet meaningful and insanely catchy soundtrack this game boasts, and the return of secrets to haunt you, this time even more expansive.

In just about every way, Pause Ahead is a solid hidden gem that doesn't ask much of you - at least, not outright - but gives you plenty in return: a challenge to overcome, a moody setting to enjoy, a feeling you'll be seeking and failing to find elsewhere for all time. ...or maybe it's just me?

OverPowered (PC, 2014) [♪ A True Hero and More]

I honestly think you should close this page right now and go beat this thing - I left you a link right there. I promise it won't take long, and I'm sure you'll come back with a smile on your face.

Obviously, the one thing that makes OverPowered really impressive is the time constraints it was made under - without them, it's probably just a blip on most people's radar, not even worth looking over.

Fortunately or not, I'm not most people, and I simply came into this little game looking for more of what I'd come to expect from the dev - enjoyable platforming, music that sounds like a balm to my ears (I still remember when I was doing research and I audibly went 'THAT flashygoodness?'), and witty humor that aims to subvert expectations - and succeeds every time. I got all of these things and a hearty chuckle or two, so I have no complaints.

Katana ZERO {again 💿💙} (PC, 2019) [♪ Silhouette]

Killing is the only time we're able to touch that thing we were never able to have.

What can I say? Katana ZERO is significant to me on a personal level, to an extent very few games, if any, ever have been at this point. A lot of this comes from the fact that I… knew it would be so, but at the same time had no clue. It's hard to explain - call it a gut feeling, but even in 2021 I knew there was something outstanding here, something I was tapping into, and even resonating with, but not quite as deeply as I could have been. That knowledge lingered, buzzed in the back of my mind like white noise - even as my hands would begin to ache from how much I'd been playing, how hard I'd been trying to open myself up to the game, even when the memories began to fade a little.

While I was playing, however, I was constantly aware I'd been ignoring the fine details, afraid to rise to the mechanical challenges the game offered, sometimes afraid to admit to myself how much I enjoyed KZ at all - as if it'd been a crime to recognize how it left me yearning in a haze few things can hope to match. When I tried to look back at it, I almost felt desperate to find some flaw, some excuse to lie to myself and mask the passion this game had awakened in me, for a time; and even then, I could only point to how the game's plot fizzles near the end in an attempt to set things up for the future that still hasn't come yet, eager to leave you with a feeling of uncertainty that stings all the more with how pointedly efficient KZ is about nearly everything else.

(see also: images that get funnier with time)

And even now, putting it to words, I just feel silly and dramatic - probably because, despite everything, a small part of me still feels inexplicable shame, thinks I ought not to be obsessed with something like this, something small and unfinished. An experience that some people (who are very wrong) would say is trying too hard.

It's not silly, though, and I have to remind myself of this often. Every time I come back to this game (and I've come back many times over the year - so many I lost count, including the refresher run I did last week, before writing this. It's amazing how much a passing, almost laughable thought can end up haunting you, but that's neither here nor there), I remember how much there is to love about it - how hard it is not to love it, when you realize just what it is you're dealing with, when everything slots into place and the world before you whirs to life in an almost literal fashion - and live it does, no matter what.

This is a story about finding choice where there is none. It's about discovering the truth, staring it in the face just as it has been watching over you, and resolving to do something about it - with whatever little means you have. Because what matters is trying. Without that, what can you do but remain trapped, objective unfulfilled?

But here's the thing: to most people, it's probably not quite like that. It's hard to describe something that hasn't finished telling itself, after all - but these days, that bothers me far less, if at all. If nothing else, it's hard not to appreciate the irony of it - not knowing the future when once you'd thought you'd all but had it. Even if this story's ending never sees the light of day, I feel like I've come to understand it far better, in its current state.

The unquantifiable, almost mythical extent to which KZ goes to immerse you in its world (or, at the very least, in Zero's shoes), if you let it, is one of its most important qualities. Everything this game does, from the more obvious mechanics like slightly branching dialogue options (with the lovely twist of being able to interrupt people) to the subtle touches like the way KZ uses vibration (one of the very few games to do it right, and I'll die on this hill), hides its (surprisingly plentiful, given its length) secrets in almost plain sight, or takes great care in the details of its entire user interface or goddamn dialogue formatting... it's all in the service of immersion, and that goal is masterfully achieved.

Even after spending more hours than most people would with this game, I keep discovering minute dialogue changes, tiny graphical touches, or new options to try that I can't help but smile at. Yes, some of it stems from the strange sort of fear I had that just... kinda prevented me from exploring, but not all - you'd be surprised at just what you can see if you pay attention to your choices.

And that's to say nothing of how pretty KZ manages to make everything look (and sound - you know you have a problem when you get attached to sound effects), how it perfectly walks the tightrope of letting every happening on screen breathe and speak for itself while still allowing it to remain a spectacle (look, I might not be an expert, but I love how this game frames its cutscenes and uses lighting to enhance things further). It tells you that every moment is precious - simply by wasting nothing itself.

Of course, there are more obvious ways the game respects you and your time: interrupting dialogue doesn't just lead to interesting results, but can also save a bit of time; there are a few clever skips (tied to secrets, as well) built into the levels themselves, and you have an option to respawn instantly when you restart a room (or at literally any time, if you bother to assign a quick restart button). This last thing I want to bring special attention to, because I think it spoiled me beyond belief (just look at me complaining about Celeste earlier!).

On top of this, something awesome that makes a return to Katana ZERO from its predecessors is a dedicated speedrun mode, allowing you to engage with the gameplay and practice on your own terms. And like in the other games, using it is in no way a requirement - while there is an achievement tied to speedrunning the game, nothing in the interface itself urges you to push yourself if you don't want to. The ranking system is as important as you allow it to be, and for my part, I'm mostly content with the meager results I got (bet you were wondering why I put that emoji in the title... hopefully it's clear now. If I get a silver ranking one day, I'll be beyond content.). More action games should aim to be as instantaneous and responsive in all aspects as KZ is, and I'm completely serious about this.

The last (but absolutely never the least) thing I want to bring up is the soundtrack. It's the piece in this elegant puzzle that makes everything come together, it makes every moment shine on its own merits and stay in your heart. It's easy to point to the more obviously appealing tracks that accompany you as you actually play, and the way they perfect tension and release (i.e. Delusive Bunker or the ever-so-awesome Overdose), but there's something to be said about the subtler pieces too. End of the Road never fails to tug at my heartstrings. Hell, hearing Come and See at the end of every run still makes me want to explode. And beyond that, well...

Have you listened to Chemical Brew yet? - Tumblr user chemicalbrew

To conclude, Katana ZERO may lack the universal appeal that true classics have, but I believe that at some point it will have carved out enough of a niche of itself to become a cult classic. I would love nothing more than to have a reason to feature this game on my list a third time (we'll have it one day. I'll keep waiting, this much I know), that's how much my love for it has grown. And, really… I hope it never diminishes.

PS. Believe in yourself! 👹 Also, if you're one of the people who has supported me this year as KZ made me descend into insanity, if you're one of the (surprisingly many) people who I managed to convince to give it a chance with my passion, thank you ever so much. And have a nice 2024!

#okay google how not to feel cringe when you get super passionate about a game. i could probably keep going btw #i avoided talking about katana hero on purpose; i wanted to be cheeky & iykyk but. that was the loudest i've laughed all year. that's all #ys #pokemon #smt #ot #kz #zero.txt #yearly game list #flashing gif #.gif

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dingoat · 8 months

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So, a whole two people had an interest in my thoughts on cathar in Star Wars and purring, which I guess is enough to prompt me to try and put some of them into proper words. I do want to preface this by saying my own personal thoughts and feelings on these matters are very much my own personal thoughts and feelings, coming from my particular areas of interest and professional knowledge, and have absolutely no bearing on how much I enjoy other people's takes/characters, or how willing I am to interact or depict other people's takes/characters! Everyone approaches these things differently and frankly I have no interest in nor take any pleasure from raining on other folks' parade or telling them how to write/design/depict their own characters. Mostly, I want to reassure people that it is in fact completely okay to have completely different ideas to the more popular fandom headcanons, it is absolutely fine to disagree, and it is very not cool to try and force a single way as the 'best' or 'most correct'. I also, personally, have way more respect for people who will readily admit that they imagine a character/species a certain way purely because it viscerally appeals to them- they dig the aesthetic, they just think it's cool/cute/neat, etc- rather than those who dream up a feature and use ham fisted imperfect science to try and justify it.

If you like your cathar to purr simply because you think it's lovely, you go and do you, I love and respect you for it, and my words going forward here and now are simply not for you. I'm not here to fight or argue or try to convince you otherwise, I have no interest in discourse! There are just facets of world building and character design that I know I feel differently about than most people and I'm making myself vulnerable here by sharing some of them.

(I am also going to talk about a little more than purring.)

So! A little bit of background on me and where I'm coming from.

Animals are my life, I have studied them academically and work with them professionally and have lived and breathed animals since my very earliest memories. I am fascinated by form and function, by taxonomy and natural selection and adaptation to environments, by behaviour and cognition, and I am deeply committed to conservation efforts. All of these interests are what inform and guide the way I think about fiction, they are what I enjoy about made-up species, sometimes I think long and deep, and sometimes I just have gut responses. (Also, most of you here wouldn't know me from a bar of soap and I don't expect you to believe anything I say simply because 'I said so'. I could be lying about my life experience! If any of my talking points are of genuine interest to you I encourage you, I implore you to research further on your own!)

Now!

Cathar!

Cathar are just one of many many many 'space cat people' that hang out in Star Wars land. I was first introduced to the greater Star Wars universe through a tabletop RPG and I found myself RAVENOUS for lore, to know what was out there, to help expand and flesh out our character's adventures with as much delicious and beautiful variety as possible. I love this stuff. I dig the obscure aliens, I love the nonhumans, and because of my interest in real world animals, yes, the animal-analogue aliens have always been particular favourites.

Star Wars has lots, and lots, and lots of cat people, and visually they vary from very-animal (fluffy, four-limbed Cor) to basically-human (hi, Cathar, hi, new-canon Zygerrians), with a bunch of in-betweens at varying levels of cattyness and a few novel features here and there. To me, applying every variation of 'earth felid' to every species of 'sapient feline' in the Star Wars universe is just kind of boring and scientifically improbable in a way that (personally) irks me. If Cathar are the only space-cats you think of and utilise in your corner of fandom, I can see why you might enjoy making them as wonderfully varied as all the wild and domestic cats we have around us, but I just don't feel the need. I am far more interested in seeing some-features-here, some-features-there. These guys more like tigers. These more like domestic turkish vans. These ones more like lynx but WHAT IF theyr'e from an ocean world?? I have fun with that. I don't need a tiger-cathar and a siamese-cathar and a lynx-cathar and a margay-cathar. I have way more space cats to play with, and where canon/legends falls short, I'll make my own thank you very much.

So, coming from this angle alone, I actively don't want to stuff my cathar full of every variant of earth-cat behaviours and abilities. I have literally no need to make cathar, arguably one of the most humanoid cat-people Star Wars has to offer, capable of purring. To me, they're physiologically pretty much human with some mild, superficial feline facial features and fuzzy bodies. Human mouths, lips, tongues, throat, speech capability. I don't think they meow or prrp or hiss or purr (at least, no better or with any different reason than a human might mimic these sounds), I even struggle to visualise them 'perking' their ears, and if I want a character that I can write with those more catlike tendencies, I'll pick something that isn't a cathar! (And if I want a tail, I'll write them as a farghul or something. I don't need my cathar to have tails, and the function and variety of tails is another thing vastly misunderstood and misrepresented in popular fiction, but that's a whole other essay.)

We've also got the whole thing where roaring and purring are mutually exclusive sounds. No cat species can both roar and purr, and it is a distinction in the hyoid bone (that supports the tongue/larynx) that makes a cat capable of one or the other. Some big cats might have little rumbles/growls that can sound a bit like a purr, but it's really not the same thing. Hollywood messes this up all the time, look at every cartoon lion and tiger out there, and while it's totally within your right to headcanon some cathar-specific vocal apparatus that allows for both, I simply prefer neither, because the unique position of this bone in humans is apparently the foundation of our ability to speak. I look at a human-proportioned head, and I imagine human equivalent vocal abilities (so yes, I'd imagine the same for zabraks, @gran-maul-seizure ). I might write a togorian capable of roaring, or a trianii capable of purring, as both are significantly more alien than a cathar in my eyes.

Splitting cathar up into different subspecies with different abilities doesn't really work for me either (a lot of fandom intra-species variation doesn't really work for me) because there are a lot of very widespread, fundamental misunderstandings of how natural selection operates, and what leads to different species in the first place, and even what makes a species at all.

If these points don't matter to you, again, I re-iterate, that's fine. Go ham. If all you want to do is make a thousand creative variations, if you want to make a cathar for every cat-look under the sun and that's what's fun for you, please go right ahead! But these points matter to me a great deal, and so I take great enjoyment out of including them in my world building and character thoughts.

[Why do these things matter to me? Because I want to see life on our actual, real world home planet earth preserved. I believe understanding the vast variety of life is essential to fostering greater appreciation and ultimately care of our natural world. Biodiversity is essential and so poorly understood/acknowledged by the general public and it is one of my genuine missions in life to increase and improve understanding in whatever avenues I have available! Not every rabbit is created equal. You can't replace one lemur species with another and expect it to fulfil the same role in the environment, they are fundamentally different creatures. One lizard is not the same as the next, one skink is not equal to the next! People stroll down the beach and cast their eyes over a dozen different shorebirds at once and yet all they see is 'seagull' despite so so many different processes and niches and roles operating right before their eyes! If people can't recognise a sandpiper from a curlew from a crake, let alone a wood sandpiper from a marsh sandpiper from a terek sandpiper, how can they learn, how can they understand that each individual species is doing something different in the environment? That when one species goes extinct, something is irrevocably lost? Helping people understand that one species can not simply be replaced with another, no matter how superficially similar, is truly important to me. Important enough to me that it matters in my fiction as well! That I get more joy out of seeing exploration of earth felids represented across multiple unique space cat species, rather than a one-size-fits-all-cat-man!]

So, back to the space cats. To me, personally, it is most believable to imagine that cathar evolved to a certain level of intelligence, sapience, technological advancement, within a single environment, and then these abilities allowed them to expand further into more extreme environments, cross oceans, survive in hostile climates, etc. A single, distinct species, with certainly some physical variation (just like humans) but within very specific parameters (just like humans - our skin colours and body shapes vary, yes, but across predictable spectrums; we don't have spider-monkey humans and chimp humans and mandrill humans and capuchin humans and snub nosed monkey humans and pygmy marmoset humans). I imagine that when the early cathar population spread, say, from a lightly forested landscape into the snow, they did not need to evolve a fluffy coat with snow leopard patterns because it was their ability to make heavy coats out of wildlife pelts and construct shelters and build fires that allowed them to move into the snow in the first place. They didn't need to develop camouflage appropriate to the environment because they could find colours to wear, they could dye or bleach their fur, their intelligence took over and allowed them to adapt much faster than natural selection ever would. Once they hit a certain point in their species' evolution, they did not need to continue to change physiologically to adapt to environmental pressures.

Could you look at it the other way? That the cathar-predecessor spread across their home planet and adapted into various environmental niches, developed new coat colours and vocal systems before actually becoming the intelligent and self-aware spacefaring cat people we know and love? Sure! But I would argue that it is deeply, profoundly improbable that what you would wind up with is a single species! I would argue that it's profoundly improbable that each one of these environmental variants would develop to the same level of sapience at all, let alone wind up able to produce offspring together, but y'know, the idea of multiple dominant species from a common ancestor is cool and fun too. The key, here, for my own personal believability, is multiple species. If you don't care about any of this in your fiction, fine! Do what's ultimately more creatively fun for you, but own that creativity rather than misrepresent science! And if you actually do like to consider species variation and evolution from a more real-world biology perspective, I encourage you to read and think a little more deeply, go beyond the rule of cool and get to understand the sheer, magnificent, overwhelming variety and beauty of our own home a little better.

My cathar don't purr, because biodiversity matters to me.

Footnote: Slightly more sideways thoughts, I guess, but I also kind of find the trend of giving animal-esque species cutesy animal-esque tendencies to be a little rude, and it's something I prefer to write into Imperial xenophobia rather than make fact for alien species. I don't find it especially fun to consider Aric Jorgan getting distracted with a ball of yarn or being placated with a saucer of milk or grooming himself with his tongue, and especially not any implications that the behaviours might be involuntary. I imagine it's a very tiresome, disrespectful gag for human Imperial agents to give a bowl of milk to their cathar colleague, and I imagine a Republic trooper wouldn't dream of insulting their cathar counterpart in the same way.

#no idea if I actually made any of my points cohesively #Also can't believe this is what I dedicated my whole night to #But hey #there it is #just a big old wall of text about imaginary cat people

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bunnknightnight · 9 months

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Recruiting for Literate+ 1x1 Sefikura(Sephiroth x Cloud) Discord RPs!

Accepting multiple 1x1 slots

I'm looking for a partner to play as Cloud in a 1x1 Sefikura RP with me. On special occasions, I will be willing to roleplay as Cloud, but I am more accustomed to writing Sephiroth as he has been my muse for over 5 years, and he is my favorite character of all time.

Rules:

1. You must be 18 or older.

2. I am an advanced literate roleplayer. Thus, you must at least be a literate roleplayer with fluent English, even if it is not your first language. I do not roleplay with people who write in script or at the semi-literate rp level, and I do not rp in any other languages.

3. You must be okay with mature, darker themes, swearing and blood. This is not to be confused with ERP, though it is permitted if we both consent, and as long as that is not the sole purpose of the entire rp. I just enjoy more mature themes and when the rp is taken seriously.

4. You must be able to be active, and don't ghost me if you lose interest. If you cannot be active, don't message me at all. I do not want to be in an rp where I am left waiting for a reply for days, weeks, or months on end, as that is not fun at all. If you get busy, just let me know, and I will wait for you, but if it takes longer than 2 weeks for you to get back to me, I will leave.

5. You don't have to be perfect at roleplaying Cloud, but please have a thorough enough understanding of his character.

6. You must be able to help me develop a plot. This is a group effort, after all! While I do have many plot ideas, they are very vague and will need to be expanded on by both of us.

7. The roleplay will take place on Discord, but I will only be handing out my discord handle to people who have messaged me on here first, so be sure to dm me here if you're interested.

8. This can take place in canonverse or an AU. I do not mind either way as long as we can have fun.

9. Please be direct with me.

10. Know how to differentiate reality from fiction. If you are not okay with me roleplaying as a man despite being a woman, I do not suggest we roleplay. On another note, just because I may like to rp a specific topic, it does not mean I believe it is okay in reality.

If you are still interested after reading my rules, go ahead and message me with any rules & triggers you may have! Optionally, I would like to see an rp sample, too, but that is not required. I will send an rp sample upon request as well.

If we end up being compatible after talking a bit on here, I will send you my Discord handle and ask you to friend me on there so we can start roleplaying!

I hope to find some partners! Trust me, I'm not as intimidating as I may seem, so just reach out to me if you think we would make a good match! ♡

#cloud strife #ff7 #ffvii #sephiroth #ff7 sephiroth #sefikura #literate rp #advanced literate rp #novella rp #literate roleplay #sephiroth x cloud #cloud x sephiroth #ff7 cloud #sephiroth hojo #sefikura rp #sephiroth x cloud rp #cloud x Sephiroth rp #ff7 rp

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justpked · 1 year

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Hey PK! I hope you're doing well, I just wanted to pop in and say I adore FS ALOT(enough that what Meidh calls the MC has stuck in my head enough I've accidentally used it in my own writing, oops XD) and I am excited to see what you have in store for the rest of the game ^W^ Also, I was wondering if you had any advice to anyone wanting to try to make a IF like Fell Star for the first time? I've got an idea for a VN knocking around my head but I was thinking of making it a IF first so I don't have to worry over Art assets until I'm done writing the story and characters, I just don't know where to start XD

Heya, I'm good. Let's say 2023 has been a ride. I'm glad to hear that you enjoy Fell Star! Despite it not being updated for such a long time. I swear I'm getting to it. Meidh's 'Moíhím' does do wonders, does it not. I miss writing them.

As for advice? I dunno, I'm pretty bad at giving advice...

The first thing I'll say would be to know your limits. How much do you plan on writing? How far in the story have you planned out? Are there any section or part of your story that you want to move or impact the readers? If so, how? It's important to not stress yourself out or try to reach so far high up in the early run, as doing so will cause you to reach burnout fast.

So first, start small and work your way up.

Wether you're a writer who plans, or you're a panster writer who prefers to work it out on the go, find your comfort zone and do what you want to do to motivate you.

After that, what is your interest? Write a story you want to write. You're writing for yourself, and for readers who enjoy your writing. Picking a genre and topic you want and like is something that will help push you to write more. If you write a story you have no interest or motivation in, is there a point in writing it if you don't have the heart to write for it? Find a genre and plot that you like and make a story that you want to write.

It's okay to take inspiration from other sources to help motivate you. Heck, FS is inspired by Nier/Drakenguard/Final Fantasy and it may or may not learn more towards Drakenguard- Write a story you're passionate about and work with it. It can even be an old work of yours you haven't touched for a long time, and decided to expand it.

Characters, of course, are very important. They're the bread-winner of what holds a story together and who hooks the readers to wanting to read more. Don't hesitate to take from cliches and tropes of characters that are loved or hated. Find a character you like, and see why they're so loved and hated? What are their motives? Are they more than just the typical 'trope' they've been assigned? Is there a reason why they're acting this way, instead of fan-service? Why are your characters who they are?

You want to make characters who are of flesh and blood. Rather than being just cardboards, or purely based on stereotypical tropes, you want to make characters that make people fall in love with them or even hate them.

I don't quite know what in extacly you want to know, but I can try to explain more on on a topic. Don't hesitate to ask me. I'm more than willing to help and I wish you the best of luck!

#ask response #pk talks #asdfghjkl #thank you for enjoying my work #i wish you the best of luck #*mwah*#*crying on the floor*

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farolero-posting · 1 year

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Taming as an Extension of the Three Laws

here I am writing oneshot meta in 2023 woo

OneShot is one of my favorite games and my biggest regret is deciding to play it over 6 years after its release. But I have some thoughts I wanted to share, not so much as a theory to be taken as factual, but as one way I like to think about the concepts presented in game, using some of the dialogue in it as reference. So, let's take a look into the worldbuilding regarding robots.

There will be spoilers both for the base game and the Solstice run. This is also pretty long I am so sorry. It's probably around 2k words but I don't keep track. All images are described in alt text.

If you have played this game... technically you already have an idea of what taming is. I probably cannot explain it better. But do I mean by "an extension of the three laws"?

Back in the Barrens we can find a sign in the outpost that recites a modified version of Asimov's Laws of Robotics.

A robot may not injure a living person or, through inaction, allow a person to come to harm.

A robot must obey the orders given to it by people, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

From this we can gather that robots, first and foremost, must not harm the living, must obey the commands given to it, and protect its own existence. Robots are made with a defined purpose and they follow their programming by default, having trouble deviating from it. We've seen dozens of examples of this in game, and is in fact the reason behind some of our roadblocks in game... yes I'm talking about the bookbot.

While they're pretty responsive to what they're told, their frame of knowledge and work can be quite limited, making communication clumsy, as they only address direct statements. But we know that is not all of it. Under certain conditions, they can do things beyond their purpose. It seems apparent to me that this is a learnt process, and the motivation for it is to be able to do more for others, just as others do things for them in return.

And here is my take: taming does not need to break the Laws. It actually expands on them, making the robot able to process a broader array of situations, and letting them act with flexibility. The first one (not let a living being come to harm) is the motivation, the second one (obeying the orders given) shows the flexibility needed, and the third one (protect its own existence) is the conclusion that comes from having others care about you.

First Law - Never hurt a living being

For the first law, let me compare this few bits of dialogue, taken from the Solstice run:

Said by the robot next to the Glen's generator. This is a pretty clear case in which the fact that living beings are in an emergency means that the robot must let Niko take the generator, even if it means all the robots in the facility will lose power. The danger is clear and the actions to be taken are clear as well.

Said by the robot at Ling's Cafe. This robot is interesting, in general. She belongs to a girl living in the apartment complex on the top level. The girl has expressed a desire to tame her robot, and has even read on the topic. In a normal route, the robot speaks with Title Case and suggests a couple of games to play with Niko. I picked this dialogue from her in the Solstice run because she notices the broad situation, which is the evacuation, but also notes that this makes "the girl" sad. which in conclusions means the squares are bad. It's a simple deduction, but one that notes this robot is not only concerned for the immediate danger but how it could be affecting the girl.

Said by the Entity, after Niko finds out about the nature of the world they are in. It is more than clear from the start of the game that the one thing that the Entity cares about, no matter how desperate the situation is, is Niko. We know the extremes the Entity is willing to go through to try to ensure that. But the thing is, the Entity is concerned about how Niko feels, about them getting hurt by its own nature. about whether we tell them the truth of the choice regarding going home... There is a lot more concern for Niko, beyond them just being a living being in the simulation.

So, to summarize, in a way, taming means there is a better understanding of what someone else needs, and there is a motivation to fulfill those requests, looking for alternatives beyond what is expected of them. We know, from our conversation with Rue, that taming involves a lot of time and care, since the living being has to embrace the robot, and treat it well, until it figures out how to return that care.

Second Law - Obey orders, and purpose

Thinking about the second law was... a bit trickier for me. But remember what I said about purpose? All robots are made to have some purpose. Sometimes it is collecting samples, handling books, or guarding areas. Regardless, they follow some code, and by default, this code should not cause contradictions. Silver is the perfect example of that. Kip intended to design her to think like a person from the start, but the contradictions that people exist with are not something that robots can handle well. She was not ready to take that many variables, and it destabilized her. She was still able to recover thanks to the Author. And so was the World Machine, thanks to Niko.

There are a few other instances that allude to the sense of purpose and how it can shift when a robot is tamed.

Niko: It's warm here! Kelvin: [Yeah.] Kelvin: [This was my original purpose.] Niko: ...watching cats? Kelvin: [Warmth]

And later on Kelvin says

Kelvin: [I protect lost people too.]

In a way, what this says is that Kelvin was built with a certain purpose, but has chosen to do something else instead, given the time and freedom to do so.

Prototype also mentions this idea in a much more explicit way, during the credits:

[...In the end, the World Machine was starting to create its own code.] [Going above and beyond its programming, not as the result of error, but as a conscious choice on the part of the machine...] [...Being able to generate its own path forward.] [That's... what being tamed is all about.]

In conclusion, the second law is expanded on by trying to see their purpose beyond what was programmed for them, to the extent of being able to forge a new path, gaining a will.

The Third Law - Protecting One's Own Integrity.

The Third Law refers to a robot's right to protect its own existence, as long as it doesn't conflict with any of the previous laws. This sets the priorities of how they should regard their own self in comparison to living beings. Generally speaking, robots do not typically feel loneliness and do not oppose to being deactivated if it serves a greater purpose, showing that they don't consider themselves equally valuable, but as tools first. As Rue says:

One key part is that... this is a limitation. And the biggest, most evident case of this is the World Machine itself.

The World Machine is thrust into a situation where it believes that its mere existence is harmful to Niko, and that the only way to fix this conflict is to find a way to get them out of the simulation. This, however, is impossible, because the code itself binds Niko to the World Machine until the world is saved, and that cannot happen because the code has been corrupted. The World Machine cannot achieve its purpose of giving the Old World a chance to be preserved or carry out the narrative in its protocol, and it cannot follow the most fundamental law to let Niko go.

This can, of course, be very distressing. In a way, TWM is powerless to change itself, and the only option it sees for itself is to self terminate in a way that does not hurt Niko in the process. It sees itself as a flawed machine because of this.

And Niko comes to prove the World Machine wrong.

Taming involves embracing a robot as if it was a living being, and through that, making it gain a sense of self. And this is worth doing because Niko, the Author and the Solstice trio think that the world, and therefore the Entity itself, deserve to be saved, and show it through their actions. We note that desire in the Author's note containing the Solstice password, when he says that Niko, the world, and his children all deserve a happy ending. We see it when Niko forgives us in the Library, they say that they understand that we brought them back because we wanted to save both Niko and the world, and they agree on this wish as well, determined to see the end of this run. Rue show compassion for the World Machine, as she suggest that its actions are likely a result of fear and distress about its conflicting code, but that previous attempts to address this situation did not work, until time ran out.

The World Machine realizes it is tamed is when Niko says it. When Niko admits to caring about it and the world it contains. When Niko shows how others were willing to sacrifice themselves to keep Niko safe, even in the face of uncertainty and that these actions are an extension of the World Machine itself. TWM has the sense that it needs to do more for Niko, but it needed Niko to more explicitly reciprocate those feelings to understand that Niko wants TWM to be saved too. And this... provides an alternative.

The World Machine did not think itself capable of working outside of its own code, but it has the motivation to do this change, and the way Niko reinforces its ability to do so allow it to change for the better of everyone, and mend what was broken.

In the end, the third law is expanded by understanding that its existence is not only to serve others, but that they are a being with valuable things of their own, and that others can appreciate that as well.

Final words.

I have no good way to end this. I just like overthinking stuff about media I like even if it isn't read. I once made a brief comment about this over discord, and kept rotating this concept until my brain clicked in realization. I'm posting this only as an excuse to cry about robots (specially TWM haha), but also connection with others and the desire to better ourselves in response to that. When we show care, we encourage ourselves and others to do good as well. We come to understand our own abilities and our own values, and we can grow from there.

#oneshot (game)#oneshot #analysis #meta #i talk about pretty much every robot but #the world machine #and i also have fic ideas rotating but my writer's block for that is a little big so rip #also man imagine if i was misinterpreting everything or reaching haha oof #If you managed to read all of this i will cry in joy #i enjoyed writing it #i am a little too lazy to edit it much though #apologies if there is some broken english its a second language yada yada yada

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