#i am appalled every single day that people keep doing this

[staytinyville]

OUTLAW (19)

ATEEZ poly!ot8 x Reader

Cowboy AU / Wild West

Series Masterlist

Warning: there is some hardcore name calling on behalf of your parents (scarlet woman type names), your parents are major problems here

A/N BETA READ (@mariana-mmtz). Just know I am reading every single one of your comments and reblogs. Honestly shoutout to @laymegentlytorest for all your reblogs and comments. I love them so much. LOL. I love reading about all of your future predictions!

You all had decided it would be best to go back home the same day. Now that you knew where the boys were camping in, it wouldn’t be much of a hassle. However, the issue with the whole ordeal was that the sun had begun to set as you began your journey back home. That didn’t keep the boys from wanting to get you home, though. Yunho explained to you that it was a good way to stay on your father’s good side. 

Nonetheless, you didn’t realize someone had already tainted that for you. 

As soon as your siblings saw Yeosang’s horse pulling up the driveway, they rushed outside to be the first to greet you. “(Y/N)!” Your sister called, and your youngest brother ran outside along with her. 

The 6-year-old clung to your legs, stuffing his face into your skirts. “What is it?” You asked worried. 

Your sister sighed deeply as she calmly walked closer to you. “Dad isn't in the best mood at the moment.” She pulled back your brother, moving to carry him on her hip. “I thought you weren't going to come back for another day.” She told you.

You took a glance at your house, then back to Yeosang. He looked at you worried, waiting for you to say something. “It’s fine, Yeo. You can go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You told him. 

The man only looked at you skeptically, but ultimately decided to listen. He gave you a goodnight and a bow of his head to your sister. 

“What's wrong?” You asked your sister. You two slowly made your way into the house, stopping at the door.

“I tried to tell them it was probably nothing, but they wouldn't listen.” She shook her head.

“Listen to what?” As you walked in, you noticed your father sitting at the dining table with a beer in his hand. 

Your father was never a drinker, only socially. He was a bartender himself, so he knew better than anyone else what it was like to fall into alcoholism. With the way he was looking at you, you knew he started drinking to think about something grave.

“You're back early.” He called out to you. Your mother stopped washing the dishes, turning around to look at whom he had talked to. You gave your sister a look, telling her to take your brother upstairs. 

“Yeah,” You quietly spoke, walking closer. “Yeosang brought me home after Seonghwa said he could get back safely. Is something wrong?” You asked, looking over your father with crossed arms. 

Your mother sighed, going to answer you, but your father was quick to answer your question. “Why didn't you tell us you were seeing that deputy staying in the hotel?”

Your breath got caught in your throat, however, you only gave them a confused look. As far as you know, only a selected few people knew about how you were with Yunho that night. It was an excuse the boys came up with that day you were in jail. Where on earth did your parents possibly hear that?

“Because I'm not?” You frowned. “Where did you hear that?”

“Sheriff Hendricks came to see us earlier. He told us that on the night of those murders you were with the officer.” Your father’s jaw locked up, he looked at you with offense. “Is he the reason you stayed overnight instead of Seonghwa? Was it to be with that man?” He began to talk louder, which began to bother you.

“No, that's not it-” You shook your head.

“Then what is it (Y/N)!?” He stood from his chair. “Why do I have the sheriff coming to my door and accusing my daughter of being a street walker?”

You froze at his words. You gasped out and looked at him with an appalled expression. “A what?” You clenched your jaw. “You'd rather believe a man over your own daughter!?” You took a deep breath. 

“Yes, I'm seeing the deputy. What is the problem?” You agreed, hoping to get your parents to understand that you were not what the gossip was talking about.

“The problem is the entire town has seen you with other men. They said you were with two at one point!” Your father kept going.

You only seemed to grow angrier at the mention of your time-out with Wooyoung and Jongho. You always saw girls around other boys, and yet for some reason you were the one being singled out. “And!? I have friends, Dad. My life is more than just the hotel.” You told him.

“Yes, but these friends are grown men your age!” He stressed. 

“(Y/N), you're at that age where people are going to start assuming the worst of you because you aren't married yet. You have to be careful with how you act.” Your mother softly told you, moving towards you. 

What was the difference if you were 16 or 25? If anything it was worse for girls younger than you because who knew what hormonal teenage boys were doing with them. But no one wants to talk about that. They care too much about the unmarried woman in her 20’s being seen around town with more than one man at a time. It upset you to see that people really didn’t have their priorities straight.

“Ever since those coppers showed up all of a sudden I've seen you out and about with men. Not just one but multiple.” Your father returned to his seat. “This isn't like you. You would never be caught dead speaking to men like that.”

Your anger began to bubble up again. They didn’t know what the boys were truly like. Maybe you wouldn’t want to tell them they were criminals, but they were people who didn’t look down at you. They were the ones who told you for the first time they liked the attitude you had. They welcome you with open arms, even if it took a bit of time to gain their trust. 

Not only that, but they didn’t make you feel like you were a waste of space in the world. 

“Men like that?” You frowned. “Those men have treated me better than anyone ever has. They are the first real friends I've made because no one likes the way I act. They don't make me feel like I have to change.” Tears began to swell in your eyes. 

“They actually want to know me.” You spoke quietly. 

“Sweetie, they are men.” Your father shook his head. “They only want one thing. You really think that many men would be after you if they didn't have something in mind.”

You had never once thought of the boys in any way that wasn’t platonic. After your kiss with Mingi you started to see them differently, but never once had you thought about any of them doing those kinds of things to you. With what has transpired to you weeks ago, you knew that was going to be far from their minds. 

Wooyoung was a flirt and the boys started to get more comfortable with you to give compliments and call you sweet names, but they never pushed you to do anything with them. They were gentlemen who respected your space. They wouldn’t push you to do something you didn’t want. Even if there was still a lot you were missing about their stories, you knew them well enough to know they would never.

“I thought that was what you wanted?” You tried to stay at an even tone, not wanting to raise your voice at your father. “You told me to get on Yeosang's good side. Get him to marry me.”

“Yeosang isn't going to marry you if you're a pros-”

“(F/N)!” Your mother screamed before he got the chance to finish. 

You almost stumbled back from the sudden whiplash of emotions. Your anger seemed to fall from your shoulders as you looked at your father with a blank stare. The only thing you could feel crawling up your body was shame. Shame that your parents would ever think of you so lowly. The thought of knowing that they would rather listen to gossip they’d hear on the street than your own words. It made you disappointed.

“A what?” You whispered. “If I'm a what?”

“(Y/N)-” Your father sighed regretfully. 

“Say it!” You screamed at him. 

When he wouldn’t look you in the eyes, your lips began to tremble as your chest started to tighten. With a stomp of your foot, you whipped around to run out the house.

“(Y/N)!” Your parents rushed after you. “Get back here!”

Series Masterlist

@thefrog3223 , @iarayara , @0rangemilk , @explorewithd , @detectivedoodle , @bangtanxberm , @a1i33a , @loveforred , @drunken-deitence , @0325tiny , @the-ghostest-with-the-mostest , @atinyreads , @atinytinaa , @lexiigom , @smilingtokki , @mismatchfluffysocks , @brain-empty-only-draken , @sousydive , @alex-tinyy , @h3arteyes4mingi , @onedumbho3 , @popcatx0 , @blue1amory , @mommahwa1117 , @stvrfir3 , @sunnyhokyu ,

#kpop fanfic #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez wooyoung #ateez hongjoong #ateez san #ateez yeosang #ateez mingi #ateez jongho #ateez yunho #ateez seonghwa #fanfiction #atiny #choi san #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #kang yeosang #jeong yunho #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho

[astonmartingf]

BEST OF INTERVIEWS: KATARINA LOMBARDI (MERCEDES AMG)

LICENSE TO DRIVE ; f1 driver!oc x platonic! f1 grid

. . . best interview moments with katarina during her time in mercedes amg (2017-2020)

amgf i said i'm not writing but really i just miss her, every single day she's on my head actually, the amount of hcs i have in my notes about miss katarina... crazy

"What is your go to activity if you're sad?" Katarina reads the question from a random pile of papers before setting them aside at the edge of the table.

"I watch Kimi winning the 2007  championship in Brazil. To me, that was an important highlight. I was ten at the time, I felt represented as a Finnish-Italian, Kimi winning Ferrari... Good times."

"In an interview you said that you started karting when you were three." The reporter asks, as you nod your head in reply.

"Did that make your journey easier or harder as a driver?"

Katarina thinks for a moment before speaking to the microphone, "It definitely had some advantages, the journey wasn't the easiest to be here, as a female there were some hurdles that I had to wait and make space for myself. But there were definitely privileges that I was aware of, one being that I lived in Europe and there are a lot of tracks to practice, not only that but my mother also taught me a lot as a former racing driver. These can happen hand in hand, so when people discredit my achievements as a woman in motorsports by countering that I am privileged, I am aware of that. Racing is a privilege, and to see how far I've made as a woman makes me even proud of my achievements. It wasn't the easiest, but it's rewarding."

"What are the three things Katarina Lombardi can't live without?" Lewis asks, reading the question on a cut piece of paper inside the bowl.

The female tilts her head, "Maybe food? What? I could just answer things like water, food, air, or do you want personal things?"

Lewis cackles at the side, clutching his belly, "Okay, I think this is to get to know you more so maybe apart from the obvious I mean... what else? I also can't live without these three so I think they meant a personal item."

Katarina laughs, thinking once more, "My notebook, I have a journal— well multiple journals so those I would want to keep with me. Maybe my cross necklace as well, we have to remove jewelry when racing so sadly I remove it but instead of looking for my watch I want the necklace back on after races. Last would be my manager's cell phone number."

"What? That's so random." Lewis exclaims, laughing once more at her outlier response.

Katarina shakes her head, "No you don't get it. I haven't got my phone number memorized, but my manager's, I know it at the back of my head. If I'm in trouble or someone wants to ask me something I give them my manager's number, easy. Not their personal number of course, the work one but yeah, it saved me a couple of times... A lot of times actually..."

"How well does Katarina Lombardi, know about Lewis Hamilton?" Lewis reads the cue cards in front of his hands, filming another video for Mercedes.

"Not that well I'm telling you." The female whispers under her breath while playing with her own cards.

"That's not even the question yet!" Lewis steals a glance with raised brows appalled by his teammates response. "Not that well? I'm offended."

Katarina bursts into laughter, "Wait that wasn't the question? Shut up!"

Lewis stares blankly into the camera, pulling the cards closer to him, shaking his head in disappointment. "Wow... I thought we had something— I thought we were friends, and you pull this."

Katarina shakes her head in denial, "No wait! Let me explain, I thought that was the question. What are we filming today?"

"It's a quiz, look here it reads, "How well does Katarina Lombardi know about Lewis Hamilton" that's the video about."

"I thought the video was about something else, I swear believe me." Katarina shakes Lewis' arms as the older man turns away from her.

"Now you're just saying whatever you want." Katarina is left laughing, trying to console Lewis sulking at the other side of the couch.

"What do you think of the 2019 season?"

Katarina scrunched her nose, "Worst season ever."

Her reply caught other drivers off guard, Max, Sebastian, and even her own teammate Lewis turned around in confusion. Katarina shrugs, "I mean, Kimi is not in Ferrari so it's shit."

Her reply caused other reporters and journalists to laugh, "What's so funny?"

Max shakes his head, pulling the microphone to him, "You caught us there, I thought you've gone crazy, you have five, six wins and constantly on the podiums. When you said the season was the worst I was about to argue."

"I thought it had something to do with me, please, watch your words. Almost gave me a heart attack because what was so bad about the season?" Lewis adds laughing along with the others.

"Well I'm sorry, I can score points and still be sad, without Kimi who else will represent me? We all know I'll never drive for that silly horse."

The drivers turn around to face Sebastian, lips pressed in a thin line, forcing himself not to laugh, "I'm contractually not allowed to say anything but I think everyone in the grid knows that."

"What are your prospects for the upcoming season?"

Katarina grabs the microphone, thinking about giving a PR answer or one of her own, "Well, I don't have a seat for the 2021 season but I'm always available and talking to teams so, I guess we'll figure it out together."

"How is the season going on for you at Mercedes right now?"

"Well, it's still the same, you got to perform for the team, even now more since I need my portfolio to look good for the next team. I'm joking it's still fine, I'm talking to Toto and Lewis and it's all good, I do know who is replacing me so it's fun and exciting. You'll find out soon, no need to worry about me and the upcoming season, I'm still here to race for the team and hopefully the season will be good to us and for my future endeavors. Thank you."

#f1 driver oc #f1 female driver #f1 x oc #f1 fem driver #formula 1 x oc #formula one x oc

[libbee]

Some more 8th house placements observation:

I am running the antardasha of my 8th house ruler since June & have learned a lot of revelations about people around me. Interacting with people, seeing their real faces, seeing the shock and revelations, I was able to see my own shadow too. Sharing some of my shadow work, mistakes and revelations:

🌸 Trust me when I say this, I am Gemini moon, I was the typical funny, entertainer, chatty, comical, animated personality. But my life circumstances were such that I have become dark and introverted. I have learned to live with the injustice and unfairness. I don't seek revenge even. I am numb and indifferent.

🌸 If you are around a known toxic person, do not assume that you are an exception. You are not special to them. They will just treat you like everybody else when the time comes. No exceptions. You're just in their good books until they find someone better to manipulate.

🌸 Goddamn people lie. I am craving to meet a single honest person. People lie so damn much. They lie confidently, with eye contact and even call you a liar even if you have evidence for your truth. They lie about themselves to make themselves look good. No shame, no remorse, nothing at all.

🌸 I had a narcissistic shadow. I was selfish, entitled, victim mindset, attention hungry, entitled but it was covert and hidden due to my low self confidence. I was a low functional narcissist. When I saw bad traits in others then I started fixing myself too. I attracted toxic people because I was a toxic person inside and unknown to me.

🌸 Studying astrology, psychology, archetypes, spirituality has helped me a lot in mental development. But I still meet people who treat me bad even though I treat them good. The difference is that now I have a strong character & do not take things to heart. There is a "myth of normal and healthy". I don't think that human communities can ever be healthy like a utopia.

🌸 The world runs on a pattern. In astro community, I have learned that no matter if you are born in America or Japan or third world, your life theme runs on a similar pattern depending upon your birth chart, placements, etc. There are different models of occult in different countries but all people in the world have a birth chart & they do have similar life themes. Call it genetic model or birth chart, but humans are not different from each other.

🌸 I don't know what happens in afterlife. I do know that whatever we do have consequences. This is karma. Consequences are carried into next lives. They are also inherited by next generations. People can be short sighted and think that their actions will die with them. They don't know that 3 generations later, their great grand child will suffer from cancer because they committed such and such actions stupidly and selfishly.

🌸 Nature is indifferent to pleasure and pain. Sensory pleasure is not happiness either. Happiness is something else.

🌸 I don't know if nirvana or moksha or liberation are possible. I sure do not want to come back to earth again.

🌸 Fire sign placements can be really egoistic, super liars, arrogant bullies. They need to mature the most because their hypocrisy and self centeredness is appalling. The world is not their toy. People are not toys.

🌸 8th house is all about sudden and unpredictable twists in life. One day is peace, next day medical emergency, 3rd day sudden expenses, 4th day betrayal by family member, 5th day sudden loss of money, 6th day encounter with a manipulative person, 7th day sudden money gain, 8th day peace, 9th day again problem. Same happens yearly. Every year is a challenge for them. 8th house placements are hell of a ride.

🌸 Beware of energy suckers. Predatory people love victimhood. I have dealt with victim mindset, feeling sorry for myself, equating sympathy and pity with love for so long. I kept going from one predator to the other. I keep my expectations low while recovering. If someone does something for me it is a pleasant surprise but I did not expect that.

🌸 Finally, life is complicated. Shadow self is a funny thing. I hate traits in others but I have them within me. Hate them or hate myself? Self introspection is a constant journey.

#8th house venus #8th house #jupiter in 8th house #moon in 8th house #venus in 8th house #astro community #astro notes #astro observations #astro placements #astro tumblr #astroblr #astrology #astrology blog #astrology notes #astrology observations

[xjoonchildx]

.

i know this is a place most of us come to chill out and relax. tumblr has been such a great escape for me, too. that's why i really, really try to keep this space limited to things that fulfill that purpose. but then there are days like these and it feels like i'll explode if i don't get these thoughts out.

exactly one year ago today, at 11:38 AM, an 18 year old armed with a semiautomatic rifle walked into robb elementary school in uvalde, texas. for one hour and fourteen minutes, he proceeded to execute children while the so-called "good guys with guns" waited outside. they just stood there with their hands in their pockets and let this maniac have his way with terrorized kids for 74 minutes. 4440 seconds.

when it was all said and done, that gunman killed 19 first graders and 2 teachers. let me repeat: first graders. little kids with pokemon backpacks and rainbow high lunchboxes.

and the entire country was horrified. and we cried and we cried and we watched story after story on the news about what happened to those kids. and we said what was appropriate at the time: how appalling! how awful! think of those children! what a tragedy!

and then we just moved on.

just like we did after columbine.

just like we did after sandy hook.

just like we did after parkland.

just like we did after orlando.

just like we did after virginia tech. and buffalo. and las vegas. and el paso.

on and on and on, we move on.

and in a way, i kind of get it. i try not to think about what happened to those kids in uvalde because if i stop to think about it -- to really think about the kind of terror they endured at the end of their far too short lives, i might lose my mind.

if i really stop to consider how disrespected these children were in life and in death, how nearly 400 police officers stood outside that classroom and school and listened to little kids being gunned down, i don't know that i could justify living for another day in this country.

shame on america.

shame on every single american who's allowed the gun lobby and GOP to bamboozle them with bullshit stories about transgender boogeymen coming for their kids. they happily turn a blind eye to the very real boogeymen with high-capacity, semi-automatic weapons of war walking into schools, synagogues and grocery stores every few weeks.

in this country, it's harder to buy cold medicine than it is to purchase a weapon capable of mowing down dozens of people in seconds. they'll tell you that the second amendment is the only thing protecting you from the culture wars they fabricate and y'all buy it over and over again, elect these pieces of shit over and over again.

do you want to live in a country where an assault-style rifle has more rights than a six year old?

if not, then fucking do something about it.

#tw: gun violence #tw: school shootings #tw: uvalde #tw: politics #personal #not BTS

[inlocusmads]

"We're A Serious Workplace!" ~ trystan x nora

More quick drabbles. Using @choicesfebruary2024 prompt "Eros"

wc: 1k-ish, teen and up

____

“Why is it called a Cupid's arrow anyway?”

“Hm?”

Nora lowered down the newspaper. She'd gotten side tracked five times now. What she was supposed to be doing was scouting potential clients and contacting them to help them with their missing hats, books, trolleys, strollers, you get the idea. Business has been slow these days. It was only after February 16th did you get the momentum going, categorically speaking. 

“Cupid's arrow. Why an arrow?”

“Well I suppose it has something to do with the story of arrows used commonly in Greek and Roman battlefields. Clearly was some kind of an -- important weapon to the Gods.” Trystan shrugged, drumming his fingers against the table thoughtfully. “Or maybe it is to show that love is blind. Since he appears to be blindfolded.”

“Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the arrow? It is all precise and everything.”

“You know what, I have no idea. It presents this moral argument.”

“Which is?”

“You cannot possibly punch them with love, can you?”

“And shooting people with bewitched arrows is somehow okay?”

“It hurts a lot less I am assuming. Magical arrows, different types - does it even pierce through the person's skin?”

“Most of the time it hits them like a paper ball or something.”

“Harmless. Exactly.”

“Still, arrows being associated largely with battles - is not exactly harmless.”

“Archery has evolved into a novelty sport.”

“Well so is -- uh, everything. Everything is a sport. Getting uh, groceries and -- uh, queuing. Jobs. Cellular services--”

“If that is your logic then everything is everything.”

Nora stared at Trystan before folding her newspaper.

“This is turning into an existential crisis.”

“Fair enough.” 

“I still don't understand it.” Nora shrugged. 

“Maybe it is not for us to understand.” Trystan started. “Love is this -- balloon people constantly pump air into. It does not need to consume every single aspect of our lives but it does. We love the things we do, the people around us - we love the deep seated dislike we have even though we cannot articulate it. We embrace contempt, we love to hate, we love to love and -- the balloon just keeps rising and rising with the air in and one day it shatters. And that's when you know you need to stop questioning things and just -- take where the river lets you go -- ouch! What was that for?”

Trystan massaged his shoulder where a scrunched up paper ball had landed squarely against it. 

“Proves my point.”

“Which is -- to attack me? I am appalled at your lack of sense of sympathy during these trying times.”

“No, I mean - Cupid should just use paper balls.”

“You can't possibly aim right with a paper ball.”

“I could aim left though. It's such a stupid joke, I'm sorry.” Nora reached into her drawer of torn pages and made a nice compact stone-like structure for optimal pelting purposes. She tossed it to her left. It bounced a little off the door and landed squarely inside the waste paper basket. 

“Beginner's luck.”

Nora threw her hands up in exasperation. 

“Fine. Professional’s luck.”  Trystan stood up to face her desk. He grabbed a book off the shelf. “I am going to hold this as still as I can. I am certain you cannot possibly land it on top of that cabinet right there.”

“This is a workplace.”

Trystan raised his brow. He didn't plead but Nora let out a sharp exhale and got to her feet.

“Oh shoot I am out of paper.”

“What do you mean, your desk is literally full of them.”

“You want me to tear papers from files? Really?”

“Cupid would sacrifice his paperwork in a heartbeat.”

“Cupid doesn't work a desk job. He gets to prance around and shoot people and make them fall in love.”

“Isn't that such a dream job?” Trystan perused through the book in his hand, as Nora searched for something to throw. “You get to take breaks whenever you like and cause problems for everyone, while you get to take a nice, happy vacation. I think he deserves to get reimbursed.”

“In what? Roman coins? Togas?” when Nora should be asking, “Why reimburse him at all?”

He thought for a moment. “A really nice retirement package. Also you are stalling.”

“I am not. I can't find a good throwaway piece of paper. Everything has some value. Trash is important. Bills? Important. Phone numbers I should have saved on my phone -- pretty darn important and-”

“How about that paperweight?”

“Seems fair. Pretty lightweight. Almost paper with the whole paper-mache thing happening in the -- okay --” Nora readied herself and she hit the book right in its dead centre enough to leave an impact. However, Trystan did not anticipate the exact weight and the sheer amount of brute force it could supply that he pushed back against the paperweight, as if he were playing tennis. The thing flew past Nora's head in a swift motion, shattered through the glass and never saw its place on the desk again. They had bigger problems to worry about. The giant gaping hole in the glass window probably being a .. problem for starters. 

"Oh --- fuck."

For a minute there was silence. Two minutes passed and neither of them could breathe. 

“Mafalda is going to kill us.” Nora whispered. 

“Well. You could just -- draw the curtains back.” Trystan said, covering the scene up. 

“And what if she pulls back the curtain?”

“A raccoon,” he decided. 

“No raccoons are pretty big.”

“Small raccoons.”

“No, no, too -- implausible.”

“A stuffed dolphin. I have heard it is recommended to be very specific when you -- well, when the truth is -- when the actuality does not match up with the truth you -- saw.”

“I don't have a stuffed dolphin.”

“Can just be my Valentine's Day present to you.”

“What would I do with a stuffed dolphin?”

“It is a hypothetical situation! We need a tangible -- foundation! Now -- perhaps I can look up some material details. How strong is fur anyway?”

“Rats?” Nora suggested.

Trystan thought about it. “Rats infiltrating the office. No. It is an army of rats. No. Just one rat. It skidded down the table, jumped high up to reach the window sill and it ploughed through the window and down on the street.”

“Exactly. So it works?”

“Sure.” Trystan shrugged nonchalantly. “Want to go grab dinner?”

“Yes, sure. Let's go.”

____

Once again not tagging people because.. drabbles lol. Drabbles. Drabbles everywhere.

#trystan x nora #w:inlocusmads #crimes of passion #my drabbles

[simonalkenmayer]

My favorite way to reveal my politics is to have a group dynamics influenced encounter with someone whom I know disagrees with me, but feels strange about raising the objection. It minimizes their point of view into what it really is and inspires more education.

For example:

Clerk at shop is making small talk and says, “it’s better than politics these days.”

She is wearing an American flag pin. I guess. I am right as soon as I say the first few words, and so carry on in confidence: “I know. It’s absolutely saddening to see 70 million people be so utterly scammed by a rich racist who has failed at literally every business. He stole 250 million dollars! It’s appalling. And all the party wants to do is wait and see if he can succeed. If he can, they’ll cling. If he can’t, they’ll shun him and regroup. All they want is to make themselves richer and keep control by any means necessary. They want to remove rights!”

The lady behind me in line is nodding. The man behind her is grinning.

The checker has lips sealed tighter than a nun’s fanny, eyes so scornful and hatefully uncertain, you can feel them scrape you brain like claws on a chalkboard.

“I mean can you believe that they are running on a platform of getting rid of social security, and that every single Republican voted against capping the cost of insulin for people on Medicare? It’s criminal!”

I smile at her, and watch as confusion begins to dawn.

Woman behind me says “Do you think that Ivana was murdered?”

Me: “I think it’s highly possible, especially given how many people Putin has assassinated trying to keep control of the public image of his dictatorship. I think that Trump and Putin could have planned it, or it could have been a warning.”

“This Elon musky guy makes me want to slap him.”

“Elon Musk is a Putin collaborator. He’s made that very clear. I can’t believe he shut down the Starkink satellite over Ukraine right after Russia called him a “smart guy” and asked him why he was helping Ukraine. It’s bold as brass and repulsive. The Ukrainians are unbelievably brave.”

“Bastards”

Clerk blinks in absolute mental shock and horror, her eyes glassy. As I am bagging my items, she blinks at me “How do you know all that stuff?”

“I read the front page of every paper, I follow the twitters of every single reporter or source in those articles. I compare spin and bias.”

Her: “Do you watch TV”

Me: unfortunately, there’s no decent unbiased news anymore. So what I do is watch MSNBC, and then overlap it with BBC. Then read the funny stuff like the onion, watch the funny stuff like last week tonight, or Seth Meyer, or Stephen Colbert, something like that.”

Her: “Oh ok”

And that is the best outcome possible. It popped her from her insular bubble, group pressured her into wondering if she is wrong. She heard our very different and knowledgeable discussion, and then she asked how she can find information.

Inception…

[kanmom51]

Hello kanmom, I just saw this on twitter and I am absolutely appalled and disgusted by this. This is getting way out of hand and seriously needs to stop. What they’re doing is so damaging to the boys and I fear there could be some bad consequences from things like this. The members have been working with this brand for some time now and it could cause issues between them all. Ever since these shippers got shot down by Taehyung in their fantasies they’ve gotten worse day by day. Verbally assaulting strangers because they cleared up your stupid narratives is so embarrassing and wrong.

Yes, I just saw this.

I am uphauled, if not surprised.

These people they keep crossing the line of decency time and time again.

They make up their own little fantasies - nothing to be done, let them live in their own minds and under their own delusions.

But it doesn't stop there. Nah.

Then they start with their harassments.

They harassed JK's brother with inappropriate TKK fan art. Thank god they don't have his parents account details, because could you just imagine?

They harassed Daffy Tong Hok-tak, Leslie Cheung's surviving partner, with TKK shit.

They had no problem 'outing' JK and Tae publicly as a queer couple at Pride parades.

They harass and bully every single person who doesn't toe the line. This is within the fandom or outside of the fandom.

And now this.

This was the original post:

This Korean based company, one that works with BTS and creates customized accessories for the guys.

And this is what followed when the company was harassed by TKKs trying to what? Prove their crazed theories true?

And how dare Mikshimai? How dare they disprove them? How dare they not play by their rules?

They are bullies. They have zero boundaries.

They see these guys as objects they have ownership over, and if one of them or if anyone else doesn't play by their rules or fits the agenda they are fair game as far as the sub group are concerned, and when I say fair game, nothing is off limits. In a bad way.

They keep proving that no low is too low for them.

I'm happy the company pushed back.

Sadly I can't see big Army accounts doing anything to stop this behaviour. Not a word.

#ask #the sub group reaching more lows #no low is too low #why aren't big army accounts talking up?

[piko-power]

This sucks.

First animators and the animation industry, and now this.

The writers and the writing community are getting pushed aside all for some phoney baloney next generation of mankind.

The animators and animation were treated like a joke for so long all because some Oscar winning bitches thought it was for kids, even though it really isn't. It's for everyone. And it's been like that since literally forever.

Hell, even some movies and shows made for a younger audience like My Little Pony have huge praise, love and support from human beings of all ages.

Don't pretend shows like Futurama, Primal, Bob's Burgers, Inside Job, ect. don't exist because their animated. If done right, an animated show for adults can be outstanding. Sadly, there are some that are kind of try-hards (Swearing and sexual jokes every ten seconds or whatever) that is just becomes a mediocre, or worse, terrible show, that it might just prove someone's dumbass theory that animation is for kids and kids only.

Again, not fucking true.

My two favorite animated shows, both targeted at different audiences, are DuckTales and Futurama. I love their characters, the stories, the comedy, the drama, the music, but I especially love the animation.

DuckTales may have been made for a TV-Y7 audience, but the people who worked on it made it for anyone to enjoy, wether it's kids, adults, or fans of the original DuckTales show. It was made for ANYONE.

Just like every other "kids" show, anyone is allowed to enjoy it and scream their heads off over the coolest and craziest thing they ever seen on Gravity Falls or cry tears of joy when Luz and Amity are together in The Owl House.

Also, animators are fucking awesome and talented and even though it is hard work, it's what they love doing and it's what brings our favorite shows and movies to life.

Every day I think about any movie or show that has 3D animation, 2D animation, stop-motion, ect. and just go "Damn, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life." Even though it was only, like, five seconds of animation of Sonic blinking and smiling.

Animation and animators deserve lots of support and love every day because of these great shows and movies.

But do you know who else made these shows and movies happen? Another group of talented humans that made them to begin with? That no media can live without?

Writers.

If you're gonna make something come to life in the wonderful world of animation, you gotta write and story.

Figure out the characters and what should happen in the third act.

Keep track of the story as the show goes on and write down the funniest one-liners Dewey had ever said.

You can't have literally any animated media without writers. No. Not just animated media. EVERY. SINGLE. MOVIE, OR, OR VIDEO GAME, THAT HAS EVER EXISTED.

These guys? Right here? Mean the whole world to me.

Even if it's fanfic writers, they are so goddamn amazing.

They are responsible for your favorite franchises. I can tell you right now that the world would be gone to shit without writers.

I write stories as well and let me tell you, it's also hard work, but dammnit I love it.

Writers and the writing community are one of a kind and they are extremely important. And just like animators, they are talented and love what they do.

But despite all of that, H*llywood has other ideas.

Ideas that should never light up even the cheapest of light bulbs.

Mother. Fucking. AI.

AI, also known as Artificial Intelligence (Doubt they have any tho) are the scum of the earth. For some time it was used for art, writing and even used for cartoon voices.

By the way, that's fucking theft.

There are literally real human beings who can draw for you, write for you, voice act for you, (By the way voice actors are also my whole world and I would be nothing without them) but you'd rather choose AI to do all of that for you??

I AM APPALLED.

Why would we even use AI at all when human beings, with a mouth, a brain and hands are RIGHT HERE?!?!

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S QUICK AND EASY THAT IS THEFT AND YOU KNOW IT!

YOU ARE TAKING AWAY A HUMAN'S TALENT'S OPPORTUNITY TO SHINE JUST FOR A STUPID ROBOT!

AND REPLACING REAL ARISTS AND WRITERS AND ACTORS TOO!

Also, some AI voice memes (Sonic btw) almost got an voice actor in trouble for something THEY HAVE NEVER SAID. Yeah. A robot almost got someone in trouble. That is really bad.

AI art and writing and theft and straight up plagiarism. And AI voices are theft as well. Imagine using an AI voice of someone who passed?

Do you know how fucking awful that sounds??

Yet today, people are still using this trash and worst of all, Hollywood is in on it too.

That is absolutely insulting and hateful towards artists and writers of all kinds.

I thought we were done treating talented humans with a heart like shit.

I thought we were done.

I thought we were fucking done.

I am tired of amazing artists and writers, especially writers, being pushed to the ground and being replaced with AI. I wish artists and writers don't have to suffer like this. They deserve better.

They deserve so much love right now.

These awesome people have no right to be treated like this. They are people too. They have feelings, and you are hurting them. Saying your using AI to write is literally saying that the writers are useless and you don't need them anymore.

You made them believe that.

That's why their on fucking strike.

Writers want justice. Writers want goddamn justice and you're not giving them that, all because you think AI is the short cut.

You can't even do anything now that their on strike, but the worst part? I have a feeling you're gonna keep using it anyway after this is all over.

Is that right? Do you still wanna be a piece of shit to these real talented creators, after all these messages we kept shoving down your throats?

I know I sound harsh but sometimes raising my voice is the only way for you to listen. But I know damn well your gonna keep ignoring me, ignoring us, so we're gonna raise our voices higher.

I wish AI never existed so that way these wonderful artists, animators, writers and voice actors would never be forgotten. I don't want them to be forgotten.

I mean it when I say they changed my life.

When I was a kid, I watched all of the bonus material from the movies I've seen. All of the movies. Something about watching all these behind the scene footages from artists and actor just makes me so happy.

All these people made all of our favorite movies and shows, even though it took them a long time to make, but they were having a blast making them. They wanted to make something special for the audiences, and they never stopped.

Especially when I watch interviews and I just have this fuzzy feeling that working on a movie or show in any role is such an amazing feeling. It inspires me to write to begin with.

I love hearing people's thoughts on the media they worked on and how it made them feel to see audiences loving the thing they were involved in. Makes me emotional every time.

In fact, there's one person who I absolutely adored for a few years and loved his works from beginning to end.

His name is Ben Schwartz.

Not only he's an actor but he's also a writer. He is so funny and sweet and just an amazing person. He is incredible and talented and always got that smile on his face.

He's the spirit of optimism in my opinion. He inspired me the most. To keep going.

And also? He's on strike too!

He is a writer so of course he's on strike and I am forever proud of him.

I am also proud of everyone who is on strike right now.

To the animators, writers and actors everywhere: Never stop fighting.

Even when the strike is over, for the love of God don't stop fighting.

You guys are kicking ass right now and you are making your voice heard, loud and proud.

I am so, so proud of all of you!

You deserve all the support, respect and love for the rest of your life for what you are doing!

Never stop doing what you love and keep going!

You got this!

To all the writers, animators and voice actors out there fighting for their voice: You are not alone and we love you!

✊NEVER STOP FIGHTING!! ✊

#piko rambles #writers guild strike #writers guild of america

[rhaenyras]

when men say shit like "booo hooo i need to work 8h per day in a stupid factory or in a coal mine to earn a living wage while lucky privileged women only need to sell one (1) feet picture per week or marry rich and they're settled for life".... i cannot even begin to make the full unabridged list of all the points they're missing or intentionally trying not to see. because, point one, my hermano, you should probably take this very valid complaint to your employer. the permeating capitalistic rethoric we're all wallowing in has led you to believe that you cannot change the status quo and therefore you have come to accept your subjugation with complacency. in this state of supposed powerlessness and self-pity daze, you would never dare question your direct superior or the power dynamic they impose on you, in fact the only thing you feel brave enough to do is take your frustrations out on unemployed people surviving on welfare, immigrants, or sex workers. and that's literally the dumbest shit you could ever do because it's NOT them exploiting your labour by also deliberately allowing you just enough crumbs to keep your head above the water AND simultaneously pounding into your brain the mere delusion that you should indeed feel mildly content with your situation, because that's how it's always been and that's what you were born to do and that's what everyone else is doing and how dare you question that. anyone with a solid foothold on reality would tell you just as much, no? plus communism is just unfeasible and crazy and just as bad as fascism, after all. while capitalism just feels so right and has virtually no downsides or long-term consequences for the environment or humankind, am i right?

point second, women put out more work than anyone on this god-forsaken piece of junk floating in space and don't you ever dare say otherwise because, again, you'll only sound ridiculous and out of touch. women are responsible for ALL the care and emotional labour you have ever encountered or demanded in your life. in fact, without women and the enormous staggering gigantic weight of childbearing + childrearing + homemaking placed on their back since birth for millennia, you wouldn't even be breathing right now, and perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad thing now, would it?

furthermore, even if we're choosing to stupidly ignore the weight of being expected to care and assist every child or old person in your proximity, it's still worth mentioning that black and brown women make up 85% of the workforce employed in garments sweatshops, under appalling working conditions and laughable wages. I don't know what sort of tale you're telling yourselves but it seems to me that women are still getting the short end of the stick here as even the ones benefiting from white privilege are still, in fact, working "regular jobs" and being paid less for it than the average male coworker, while still not shying away from all the unpaid unseen labour that sustains entire households and family dynamics, the absence of which would lead to the downfall of patriarchal order and the world as we know it.

oh and as per the feet picture turn of phrase y'all keep coming back to.... I don't know how to explain to you that having your entire body and every single part of it commodified and sexualised and turned into a "kink" for men to get off to is not something you should be jealous of. the fact that there MAY be some money in it, might look like privilege and luck to you, but it's actually the only way women could find to own this unreciprocated unsolicited male desire and, being the resilient resourceful survivors that we are, we turned it into a viable career path, which still, doesn't come without its challenges and pitfalls, and should not really be idealized, as in many cases, it is not even a woman's first choice.

the latest wave of feminism has only now begun to try and correct all the wrongs and is still timidly attempting to recalibrate the scales of rights so that they're not too heavily tipped in your favor anymore. and even still, we probably won't reach full equality for the next 200 years because of all the lousy ignorant pathetic obtrusive misinformed bullshit you keep spreading, pushing back our efforts of several decades (-: the least you could do is literally just to SHUT UP and let the anti-capitalistic feminist agenda advance without further hindrance from the likes of socially unaware pricks in tinfoil hats like y'all.

#im...mad today #i know this is all wasted on tumblr because the men i talk of are simply not on here #but still.... i had it in me and i needed to get it out #i might actually post it to ig #rant.txt #feminism

[howiactuallyfelt]

I Watched Barbie, Felt Empowered...& Then The Afterparty Sucked

Well, I watched Barbie Wednesday night with my 2 girlfriends. M is delicate, petite, knows 4+ languages (including Mandarin Chinese which seems like the hardest one to master!). C is sassy, bold, athletic and vibrantly colorful with a mean punch (she boxes literally every single day!). They are both successful, living alone in a high cost of living city, with their own businesses or their own career that affords them real estate. We range in age from early thirties to early forties, but all look about the same age if you glance at us (they are beautiful!).

I provide that very important context to segue into the next part of this post which will be about the fact that we went to a Barbie themed nightclub after the fact and it visually and emotionally took away all the empowerment aspects of the movie that we had just felt. The girls were beautiful (STEREOTYPICAL BARBIE BEAUTIFUL, MIGHT I ADD). They were dressed in skimpy one piece thong bikinis with tights and push up bras, all a perfect teeny tiny body with boobs and big blonde wigs on. The men were dressed as Kens (shorts and a shirt). There were special coconut drinks set up on a table that upon approaching the table, we were quickly notified that the drinks were "for influencers only." WHAT! What. Whaaaat. What has this world come to. The DJs for the night were two itty bitty Asian twins called the Deux twins, wearing high cut bikinis (they were cute, obviously, but could we not just enjoy them for their music instead of sexualizing them too?). Women go-go dancers danced provocatively on the side walls wearing barely-there bathing suits. The men that worked there stood still, demanding respect and space, mean mugging the crowd, meanwhile they got to cover their bodies fully wearing suit and tie outfits in their role as security. In broad daylight I think many of the people we encountered would probably have feigned non judgmental natures, or a false saccharin kindness to hide their true thoughts. Drunk, in a nightclub, you become subjected to the truthful, dark, true opinions people harbor towards each other. Unprompted, a girl that could barely stand up as she passed by me, told me to delete a picture I took of my friend C because she said "Ewww, that photo is so ugly, don't even think about keeping that picture." Wait, aren't females supposed to be on the same team here? What's with the spontaneous woman on woman hate? Later that night, a guy who bought me drinks confessed to me "you have one of the top 5 best personalities I have met in this city, but it's a shame guys won't get to know that because of your bigger exterior. I would go for you, but if I'm being completely honest... I get any girl I set my sights on, and I am going to set my sights on a skinny, healthy, fertile 25 year old girl instead of you, that's just my type." Not sure why he was confused when I decided to leave his company immediately after that statement. "Wow, after I bought you those drinks too?" He muttered angrily as I walked away, completely missing the point of his idiocy.

needless to say I left that night just feeling appalled at the general state of humanity. I have thick skin, so I didn't cry myself to sleep but- it got me thinking...all of these internalize ideals that we outwardly reject in movies and say we don't believe in or judge others against--- are we just in denial? Do we ... or some of us...secretly still harbor these unrealistic westernized ideals for beauty standards as the bar we set other up against? Or do we consider the whole person and their lived experiences equally as much as their exterior like we so often claim to do??

#barbie #westernizationofbeautyideals #nightclubs #feminism

[madhogthymaster]

Madhog’s Top 10 Games of 2022

Do you remember that popular coping mechanism that took root on the Internet in 2016? That time we were all shocked and appalled a Fascist demagogue was elected ruler of the so-called Free World? When some people on the more privileged end of the living spectrum came to the sudden realization that the Neoliberal sociopolitical establishment wasn't as "cool" as they thought it was, that the excesses of Capitalism begot the rise of Fascism, that Life wasn't "fair" under the rule of parasitic billionaires with the intellectual quotient of a 4chan forum? That last part is more of a recent collective realization but the point still stands. 2016 was a turning point for a lot of people, a fundamental shift in the manner by which they beheld the world around, above and below them. It was certainly traumatic to see the facade of Democracy crumble in front of our very eyes as History repeated itself. As such, new ways to deal with this experience had to be created on the spot.

This brings me back to my initial question: do you remember the trend of blaming individual years for how bad things were? This understandable yet profoundly flawed take that all of our deeply rooted societal maladies, the result of decades (if not centuries) of systemic injustices designed to keep the powerful in power, could be magically blamed to just one nasty solar cycle and not, say, literal human greed and widely platformed bigotry? I certainly remember it. I recall when "2016 was the worst year ever" and I remember when "2017 was actually the worst year" and I certainly have not forgotten how 2020 became the "ultimate worstest year" because of that pesky pandemic we all know and loathe. 

Afterwards, the trend just stopped. Its existence became moot as the world never truly left 2020: there was still a pandemic, there were still the same sociopolitical issues, the spectre of all out Authoritarianism still hung above us, more vile and dangerous than ever before, with a new war on the horizon and human rights getting stripped away little by little, piece by piece. It became clear that "X is the Worst Year" wasn't working anymore as a coping mechanism, that the dark times would not suddenly go away at the break of dawn and that every single day felt a little more bleak, a little less hopeful...

So, anyway, 2022 sure was a bad year, uh? It was quite terrible on almost every possible front to the point that the pandemic felt like the least of our troubles - and that is, indeed, saying a lot. However, I will tell you it was actually a great time for videogame releases. I mean, the game industry as a whole is still wretched and dehumanizing as all facets of our corporate-led existence but, purely in terms of interactive videoludic titles we could actually play and enjoy, 2022 was one of the better times. As such, I have endevoured to write my own completely arbitrary, subjective end-of-the-year list of games I have liked the most, according to my own personal sensibilities which do not, in anyway, reflect anyone else's taste and opinions. This ranking shall be only comprised of games I played, not games some of you might have played, and it will not be based on any "objective metrics" taken from "professional review compiling websites" that some people on the Internet take as the Word of God. Essentially, this is my list and I do what I want with it. Is that clear? Splendid!

As an addendum, most entries in this article will come provided with a link to my original set of posts, impressions and sporadic thoughts I compiled on the various subjects in review over at the "Free Speech" website.

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I am going to start this venture with the obligatory special mentions, titles that were almost good but didn't quite make the cut for different reasons. The "Close But No Cigar" category, if you will.

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Digimon Survive (Hyde/Bandai Namco)

The disappointment is strong with this one: it stings my skin, envenomates my bloodstream and slowly kills the inner child living inside me, his corpse rotting within the deepest recesses of my blackened soul. Poetic license aside, the latest interactive entry in the classic "Monsters of the Digital Persuasion" franchise is the evident produce of a much troubled history as it very much feels like its narrative is the confounding result of two distinguished directions clashing with one another in a bid to deny each other's existence. 

At its (gameplay) core, Digimon Survive is a perfectly fine, sufficiently engaging Tactical RPG, one that's uncharacteristically easy and accessible for a series usually lacking ease of access for newcomers. The tragic irony is that the meandering, messy, incoherent story of this game is decisively aimed exclusively at veteran Digimon fans: it builds itself off the original anime from 1999 and one's own nostalgia for it as a means to subvert expectations. It establishes all the familiar elements only to pull the rug from under the intended audience, to separate itself from the source material as much as possible, to take the franchise in a more perceived "mature" direction. That, in itself, was not the plot-destroying issue that plagued this game; what actually killed it was its bewildering decision to perform a 180° turn on its rug-pulling antics, place the carpet right back beneath our feet and pretend all of its tonal, thematic and narrative stakes made up to a point didn't matter. The attempted deconstruction of its own legacy effectively defaults to just a dull reconstruction of said legacy, thoughtlessly aping the happenings from the original show sans the necessary context to make any of it work. Whatever vision Digimon Survive might have had was systematically quashed by its unwillingness to commit to the bit. It's the kind of cope-out, faithless writing that I cannot condone. As the intended audience for this game, my heart weeps at the loss of potential.

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Unhappy Raccoon (XD Inc.)

In many ways, the bizarrely named Unhappy Raccoon is very close to be my favoured Roguelike Action game experience. It is stylish, colourful, fast and approachable in terms of its difficulty. Unfortunately, it's a mobile title what comes with a certain amount of predatory in-game purchases and, as such, I cannot in good faith recommend it to anyone. That is a crying shame for I would have pleasurably shilled money to buy it had it been a release bereft of such unconscionable features. It also would have not hurt being able to play it with an actual controller, I'll tell you that much for free.

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Sonic Frontiers (Sonic Team/SEGA)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

If I were a sodding believer of quantifying the value of Art through an arbitrary numerical score, then Sonic Team's latest "cute" effort would have been the embodiment of a 6/10 - and I am being generous here. It sports a solid core gameplay that lures you into its world with the promise of free roaming fun but it's ultimately burdened by too many terrible ideas, gimmicks and time-wasting nonsense to properly live up to its promise. My positive first impressions dissipate into unadulterated frustration as I am forced to stop playing a "Sonic" game I enjoy in order to herd a bunch of exploding critters, solve tedious puzzles or beat the world's worst pinball machine in order to earn "The Privilege" of fighting the area boss, all of which being close to unwieldy experiences at the best of times. The so-called plot isn't up to snuff, either. It's a title that feels simultaneously unfinished and overly designed, wrapped in a well-meaning yet misguided attempt to bring "depth" to its characters in a manner I would define as wholly unsatisfying. Its potential was limitless. Its execution, mediocre.

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Fasten your seatbelts and hold on to your unsolicited opinions, oh dear readers. The real list begins now.

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10) Lil Gator Game (MegaWobble/Playtonic Games)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

The most precious, adorable little gem with a deceptively clever shine to it. Lil Gator Game is built around a child's imagination as they play-pretend their way into a Zelda-esque adventure, with friends and strangers alike, in an elaborate scheme to convince their busy older sister to join. They waddle around wholesomely in a well-designed sandbox, wholesomely smashing cardboard monsters, talking to wholesome NPCs who are in on the "Lil Game" and generally exuding pure vibes of wholesomeness - with but a tinge of subtextual melancholy as the dreaded "grown up time" looms on the horizon. The strength of the conceit informs the execution of its themes, both mechanically and narratively. 

The core design philosophy aims to break down the formula of its obvious inspirations (classic Nintendo releases from both the past and the present) to their fundamentals, resulting in a title that both plays as a child's idea of a heroic adventure and it's actually about the making of a child-friendly heroic adventure, literally. In other words, it's a videogame about making videogames which is presented through the allegoric lens of the titular gator building their titular game with their many pals, learning how hard yet fun it is to create, and reconnecting with their sibling who inspired them with her own game-making skills. Moreover, it is a celebration of childhood, its fun memories associated with playing (or gaming, if you will) and how they all inspire us to make our dreams a reality as we grow older. It's an utterly delightful experience and I might have wept openly by the end.

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9) Beacon Pines (Hiding Spot/Fellow Traveller)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

We open on a dimly lit room, a dark and thunderous night, the perfect atmosphere to immerse yourself in suspenseful literature. As Luck would have it, there is a book on the table... The world in the said "book" comes to life, exuding an aesthetic of childlike innocence teetering at the edge of Change (the scary unknown, the adult realm) but still literally confined within the pages of Fate. Also, the animal characters are cute.

Beacon Pines is a branching path narrative game: it is presented as an old fashioned storybook with its setting sprouting into existence in the style of a Winnie the Pooh animation, lending credence to its Choose Your Own Adventure framing. This is, after all, a story about Change - as the narrator helpfully explains. Grounded in its thematic exploration yet increasingly more absurd as the stakes ramp up to eleven, the story does not have a single dull moment. You have yourself a solid Coming of Age tale juxtaposed to a Mid-Western town mystery. A classic recipe for gripping drama and comedy, in other words, enriched by its light choice-based gameplay to drive the point home. Did I mention the cast being cute?

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8) Evil West (Flying Wild Hog/Focus Entertainment)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

Do you find yourself in the mood for a cheesy yet gratuitously violent action game from fifteen years ago, which was in itself trying to emulate the energy of a Hollywood Summer blockbuster from up to twenty-five years ago? Do you think you would have enjoyed the strategic mayhem of DOOM Eternal more if it had a bigger emphasis on melee combat and it was in third person? Well then, the mad lads responsible for this next title have made a game specifically for you and it's about repelling blood-thirsty vampiric abominations in the old Wild West.

The plot is irrelevant, the writing is lackluster and the characters are flat but none of that is actually important. All that matters is the enticing gameplay, the crunchy action, the surprisingly luscious environments, being able to uppercut a guy into a wall of dynamite and the gallons upon gallons of gore. It's a viscerally good time.

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7) SIGNALIS (Rose Engine Games/Playism/Humble Games)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

An unrelenting descent into a realm of madness filled with horrors beyond imagination - and a savvy injection of android anime babes, for good measure. SIGNALIS is a queer diegesis of "polygonally scarce" stylized 3D graphics with a coating of pixelated artistry, shaded just right, dragging you down to a figurative (and somewhat literal) Hellscape of the Mind. A morose narrative conveyed through Mood, Atmosphere. The design sensibilities display a subtle understanding of Horror as a genre: instilling a sense of claustrophobia and paranoia onto the player by limiting visibility,  conjuring intrigue by revealing very little of its narrative and by fiddling with the sound design. The imagination is stimulated by the need to fill in the blanks, to find a sense of familiarity within the Unfamiliar, which in turn keeps you in suspense. It's the good old philosophy of "Less is More" competently applied to Survival Horror in ways I've not seen in a long time. I would best describe it as Ghost in the Shell meets Lovecraft in a John Carpenter's nightmare as told by David Lynch, all of which whilst still somehow being a Resident Evil game. 

Now, I wouldn't go as far as to claim this title revolutionized the recipe for both its genre or the concept of metaphorical storytelling but it does add its own flavour to it, one that definitely leaves an aftertaste. You will be plunged into a world of sensorial deprivation that makes you fear the Unknown... and, perhaps, even the Known. SIGNALIS is quite good, indeed, both as a tribute to PS1-era spooky polygons and as a standalone horror diegesis that elevates its source material. Well, except for the obligatory puzzles for they are quite obnoxious, as per tradition. Other than that, it's a gripping tale of terror and the best version of itself. If this prospect appeals to you in any way then I simply cannot recommend it enough.

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6) Inscryption: Kaycee Mod (Daniel Mullins Games/Revolver Digital)

(Link: read from bottom to top)

Developed by Daniel Mullins (of Pony Island infamy), this title was released last year to much "indie darling" acclaim and it is easy to see why. Mullins has a penchant for messing with the artifice of his medium of choice, deconstructing its foundations with layers upon layers of meta-text, games within games within games, which typically results in something memorable. If you already know what to expect from his creative vision then, in many ways, Inscryption is just more of the same soup: an explicit level of self-awareness, a conceit revolving on a specific gameplay loop that slowly expands and falls apart at the seams the more you explore it, to the point in which the world as we know it is obliterated. Right from the start, as in from the moment the game is booted up, one can tell something nefarious is at play as it coyly gestures towards a larger meta-narrative. You do not start a New Game, you "continue into a pre-existing save file", and that's merely the beginning. Like I alluded, I expected this loosely defined game to play out in a specific manner and, in a sense, I was not proven wrong about it. What's actually remarkable and unquestionably brilliant about it was the aforementioned core design loop, namely the deck building Roguelike experience that represents both the fictional and meta-fictional centrepiece of the entire onion-layered diegesis. 

I'm going to go out on a limb and state with the utmost confidence bestowed upon me by my status as a white man on the Internet that Inscryption's card-based gameplay is more fun and addicting than Slay the Spire's, on the principle that I can actually beat it! Even more impressively, Mullins didn't simply design the best electronic card game imaginable, he went and remade it several more times in the course of the same playthrough. His opus presents some prescient questions about the player's engagement with the interactive medium of videogames, our emotional connection to the text, the escapist and possibly addicting nature of it, how it all reflects back on our psyche. As such, what better way to drive the point home than to create the most engaging, addicting, all-around rewarding core gameplay loop imaginable?

As if to be proven absolutely right, the author released a free DLC titled Kaycee Mod, which is essentially more of the same excellent deck building action but with added features, challenges and unlockable items. The "story" from the main game might have concluded in decisive fashion but that shan't stop us fans from wanting to play it until our eyes bleed and our fingers drop, firmly proving our unhealthy addiction to it. I've got to say, that new mod coming out this year makes for the perfect excuse to include Daniel Mullins' little masterpiece in an article about the best videogames of 2022. I have no shame and I'm technically right. Hurray!

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5) Cult of the Lamb (Massive Monster/Devolver Digital)

(Link)

A functional, if somewhat uneven mishmash of Roguelike Hack/Slash gameplay with some direct, specific references to The Binding of Isaac and the Survival meets Tycoon Management Sim elements from a generation's worth of indie titles, yet its charm cannot be denied. In this game, you are a small critter tasked by a sinister god with a dubious agenda to take down all the other sinister gods with a dubious agenda, which is something you will only be able to accomplish by founding your own  sinister cult with a dubious agenda - as it was the style at the time. 

Its direction as well as its narrative, defined by the juxtaposition of "kid-friendly" aesthetics and cosmic horror, is evocative of a religious propaganda cartoon aimed at children, framing The Lamb as a heroic figure who fights the "Heretics." It helps contextualize the satire of organized religion, indoctrination, the sociopolitical use of Faith or a given set of beliefs as a means to gain and maintain Power - which can be easily applied to how Society operates at the highest, wealthiest levels. The way the player can "edit" and "upgrade" their respective cult may lead to the formation of a Fascist state controlled by Fear, a Capitalist dystopia, a Charlie Manson's murder hippie family or even a one-to-one recreation of the Catholic Church. Personally, I created a society where everyone is emotionally co-dependent to their beloved leader and are all too happy to work hard, pray and die in my name. When you step back and look at the big picture, the message of this game becomes distressingly poignant. 

None of the little animals recruited in the cult are characters, merely a means to an end, a form of sustenance (literally, in some cases) to be feasted upon in order to endlessly accrue power until the day they perish, or even beyond. Simply put, cult-like mentalities and tactics don't exist merely within factual cults... Anyway, it's a fun game! The Lamb is legitimately adorable. The combat system is solid and the simulation aspects are involved, as described. You should definitely play it.

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4) The Cruel King and The Great Hero (Nippon Ichi Software)

(Link)

As a more than worthy successor to The Liar Princess and The Blind Prince, this game holds a tight grip on my heart, squeezing it for every ounce of blood and feeling. Unlike the previous game in the "series", which was a snazzy puzzle platformer, The Cruel King and The Great Hero is a classic turn-based RPG with a cute gimmick to it: you take control of Yuu (get it?), a small, enthusiastic child who dreams to become a legendary hero - a real one, mind you, unlike the make-believe flight of fancy in Lil Gator Game. Yuu's parent is a big dragon who secretly checks on her to make sure she's safe and sound whilst adventuring. He even provides special skills to help her in battle once she "unlocks them." This all serves a narrative purpose as well since he's trying to teach her what it means to be a kind warrior but still worries about her wellbeing, understandably. It's the sort of diegetic synergy between gameplay and plot that enhances one's experience with an interactive text, you see... So, anyway, this game is the cutest thing in the universe. 

The deceptive simplicity of the artistic direction communes a deeper study behind the characters' presentation and their environment: a homage to illustrations from Western children's storybooks with its own twist. There is an understated insidiousness to the manner in which these adorable designs, drawn by hand, command such instantaneous affection on my behalf that cannot be expressed with words. Unlike said predecessor, the game has a much more ambitious scope and production but its narrative philosophy remains intact and focused. Cruel King plays around subversively with well-known fairytale tropes in order to craft an enjoyable, wholesome story for children and adults alike; it makes for a sort of "reverse-engineered" take on the Dragon Quest formula, I would say. The superb character drawings, the gorgeous background and overall aesthetics, the engaging plot as well as the gripping soundtrack, all converge together to form an emotionally enriching experience. In short, the game is neat. That's my review.

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3) Kirby and The Forgotten Land (HAL Laboratory/Nintendo)

(Link)

The experience of playing this game washes over me like a relaxing wave on the beach during a lazy summer day, unexpectedly stirring me up inside with childhood memories that are not mine. That is to say, Kirby and The Forgotten Land is so good it makes me cry tears of joy. I feel particularly drawn to the pink ball's universe due to its deceptive, duplicitous nature as both childlike and horrifying. There is a wondrous, nostalgic feeling juxtaposed to a much darker subtext. Parallel to a personal favourite of mine, Klonoa, it too lures the unsuspecting player with its bubbly cuteness, only to pull the rug from under them when it matters the most. Except, this title doesn't even bother to hide the existential dread beneath the narrative: the setting is literally a "colourful" post-apocalyptic, post-humanity world. The game only goes harder on it as it progresses. By the time you get to the final boss, and then the post-game final boss, and then the super-duper-ultra final FINAL Mega-Boss, the stakes couldn't possibly get more cosmic and the implications more dire. 

I shall now state in the strongest possible terms that Forgotten Land is a close-to-flawless, and long overdue, transliteration of the classic 2D "Kirby" formula into a 3D landscape, oozing with charm, personality and the most fun gameplay I have experienced all year - these were merely my first impressions after beating the first world, mind you! To call this the best, most enriching, most enjoyable 3D platformer I have ever touched would decisively sound like a loaded statement, one burdened by several asterisks. You could theoretically argue this game feels more like a very happy medium between Character Action titles such as Bayonetta and a core Nintendo IP of the precision jumping variety rather than a Platform experience in the "purest" sense but I am not here to indulge into that kind of hair-splitting logic. So, I will just proclaim once more that this is my favourite entry in the genre: the manner of onto-a-league-of-its-own videogame bonanza that leaves me reeling after almost breaking my controller during the last fight. 

It features the tight, polish gameplay and level design one would expect from a (non-Pokemon related) Nintendo release jointed with the darkly charming, unabashedly bizarre creativity HAL Laboratory brings to the table with its adorably gluttonous mascot and its many game-altering power ups. I love this title, sincerely and desperately. It's everything I have ever wanted out of this series but never knew I craved.

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2) Xenoblade Chronicles 3 (Monolith Soft/Nintendo)

(Link 1; Link 2) 

There is so much to say about Xenoblade Chronicles 3 and yet so very little time, so little light of day. I am going to take a page out of Monolith Soft and categorically refuse to bury the lead: this game is a condemnation of the Military-Industrial Complex, the endless machine of war sustained by the lives of those "who die for a cause." It's exemplified by the premise of genetically-engineered child soldiers made for the purpose of fighting in a senseless conflict which is perennially sustained by the literal life energy of the many people who die in it. War economy in a nutshell. This is not a spoiler as the game slaps you across the face with this commentary pretty much immediately. The second title in the series had the "courtesy" to lure you in with sassy cat girls and anime high jinks before revealing it was actually about Cultural Genocide. You simply do not get the luxury of ignorance with this entry. 

It also unmistakably points its righteous anger towards the sociopolitical establishment, the wealthy conservative elite, that's directly profiting from the Status Quo, keeping the world stuck in an aptly-named “Endless Now.” On that note, the villains of the piece are a gloriously detestable, pretentious and opulent bunch, the kind you just cannot wait to smack around in an epically orchestrated boss battle - which the game is keen to provide with a certain amount of glee. 

Thematic relevancy aside, allow me to emphasize how spectacular the “Xeno eXperience” can be! I am referring to the painstakingly animated, meticulously choreographed, expensively mo-capped action cutscenes that occasionally graced my astounded visage. There is nothing else that looks as slick and bombastic in all the land. The predecessor might have already set the benchmark for quality in that regard but the newest game takes said benchmark, shatters it with one finger and uses the sharp remains to stab God himself! 

As far the gameplay is concerned, it is the most refined and polished the series has seen thus far even if it still requires an inordinate amount of tutorial tips in order to grasp its basics.  A savvy combination of turn-based and real time elements make for both a strategic and high octane romp, one that requires your full concentration.

In essence, Xenoblade Chronicles 3 is the rare diegesis that manages to excel at everything it sets out to be: it's a foundationally strong JRPG with a vast, gorgeous world to explore, an emotionally resonating plot, viscerally effective theming, well-written characters and all the big anime fight scenes your heart may desire. It shoots for the Moon and it doesn't just stick the landing, it incinerates several celestial bodies in the process. Under normal circumstance, this would have easily been my GOTY. Alas, circumstances happened to differ a tiny bit in 2022.

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1) Klonoa: Phantasy Reverie Series (MONKEYCRAFT/Bandai Namco)

(Link)

It was the year of 2009 and I happened to own a Nintendo Wii. I caught wind of the then freshly released-into-obscurity remake of Klonoa: Door to Phantomile, a title for PS1. I, much like a lot of people, had never heard of such an odd curio but I found myself enticed by its design choices, its 2.5D aesthetics, its peculiar style of side-scrolling platform mixed with original puzzle mechanics and, most importantly, its adorable protagonist. Armed with but a few spare coins and a healthy dose of curiosity, I purchased it on its release day. It changed my life. 

Later on, I hunted down the rare copy of the PS2 sequel Lunatea's Veil, a game that blew me out of every possible body of water on this planet. Several moons down the line, I bought the original first game as a digital download for PS3. Nowadays, I play it on my PSP whenever I'm overcome by a sudden wave of depression and every single time, I cry.  Every variation of these games provided its own unique, emotional experience. They have indelibly coloured my perception of videogames as an art form, what they can bring to the table in terms of narrative and theming. I am incapable of conveying through words how much these games mean to me and how much they have broken and rebuilt me from the ground up with each new playthrough. 

Klonoa is a multi-layered allegory disguised as a cute, Mascot Platformer from the late '90s. It uses genre expectations and its available language to pull the rug from the under the player, conveying a subtler thematic journey. It likens the idea of "gaming" to the idyllic memory of childhood and to the ethereal nature of dreams, which are all linked by their brevity and finality. The first game is about Nostalgia, the reminiscence to a time of childlike innocence inevitably broken by the specter of Change, part of growing up. Depending on one's read, it might also be about Trauma. The sequel takes everything that was established in the first one and builds itself upon it, bringing the journey to a satisfying conclusion. On the surface, it's a new story with new characters but that's, once again, part of the deception. If Door to Phantomile covered Childhood and the bittersweet, possibly traumatic memory of it, Lunatea's Veil is about what comes next: Adolescence, growing up, figuring yourself out and healing. These themes are brilliantly reflected both by the story and the settings themselves. Both games would work well as individual experiences (as they are both fun and engaging) but they truly achieve greatness when viewed as a unified piece, a masterfully made, emotional ride into the Dream of Childhood and onto the Wake of Adulthood. 

And now, you can finally experience them both in the newly released HD collection, Phantasy Reverie Series. This is my game of the year. This was always going to be my game of the year. It was preordained, predetermined, predestined in the moment, the second, its existence was made public in that one legendary Nintendo Direct. It didn't matter whether this was going to be a consistently good or terrible period for game releases, the mere fact that Klonoa was going to be included in the 2022 calendar makes this the best year for gaming by default. That is how much these titles, these stories, mean to me. The world is a slightly less awful place for having the fluffy boy in it. That is my final word on the matter.

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At long last, here we are: the end of the list, the end of the solar cycle. In spite of everything that's wrong within society, struggling under the thumb of Capitalism, having to endure the abusive aura of hypocritical “Holyday Cheer”, dealing with many blows Life throws at your general direction, you have still made it. You have survived. You are still you. There is still good to be found beneath the apparent hopelessness of it all. Just remember to hold on to what's most dear to you and please, for the Love of God, do not buy the Nazi Potter game. I will find you.

Happy New Year!

#madhog thy master #top 10 best games of 2022 #top 10 #best game #worst game #goty #game of the year #2020 #2016 #happy new year #christmas #depression #bandai namco #nintendo #sega #sonic team #inscryption #daniel mullins games #indie game #steam #countdown #signalis #humble games #jrpg #action #roguelike #unhappy raccoon #digimon #sonic frontiers #visual novel

[coffeeincascadia]

twenty years later.

I am so deeply sorry for everything the world will put you through and for the things other people will do to you, myself included. You have a light in you, one so big and bright that others will try to put it out. You are so very intelligent and so very kind. A natural storyteller, a lover, a gentle soul meant to guide others through the world with your compassion and understanding. You won’t be given the love and celebration you deserve. 

Your mother will be triggered by your youth, your potential, your conviction, and your thirst for knowledge. She was raised to believe that taking up space was wrong. That it made her difficult, irritating, and ugly. The fact that you take up space in every room without fear or self hatred will make her angry for the parts of herself that she can’t claim. She will stifle you, make you question the parts of yourself that make you a force to be reckoned with. From the doubts and irritation that she pours into you will grow hatred for the parts of yourself that make you so very powerful, so very unique, and so very happy. 

Your stepmother will see you as someone to compete with. She will torment you, knock you down every chance she gets, and try her hardest to take away any potential you have to become better than her. She will make you think you are undeserving of her attention because you’re too fat, then will fain disgust at your thinness. She will subliminally tell you day in and day out what you need to do to acquire her love and affection, and, when you do it, she will use your compliance as yet another reason to hate you. Truthfully, there is nothing you could ever do to make her tolerate you, let alone love you. But you have so much love to give, and you are still under the impression that everyone else does too. So you will starve yourself and exercise yourself to the brink of death. You will dim your light and fall deeper and deeper into her game. You will inevitably loose, and you will hate yourself for it. Cut yourself. Burn yourself. Isolate yourself. You will spend every day wondering how you became such a disgusting and unloveable creature without ever realizing that you are not the horrid thing, rather that you were manipulated into believing that the parts of you that are inherent and beautiful are shameful, appalling, and unloveable. 

You are like your father in ways that still confuse me. It hurts me to know that you are so very much like the man who will be incapable of fighting for you, and who will be your first true heartbreak and betrayal.  It destroys me to know that he will use the parts of himself that exist in you to manipulate you into thinking you are a rage filled beast when in reality you are a confused little girl who just wants someone - anyone, to hold her hand and walk through the world with her. He gave you your intelligence, your fire, your capacity for debate, your thirst for knowledge, your compassion, your ability to disappear into books and to befriend the ink on a page more easily than you could other people. He gave you the parts of himself that were pure and beautiful. When everything is taken away from him, he will burn every part of himself that reminds him of what he lost straight to the ground.  You will be nothing more than collateral damage. 

The first two decades of your life will be so utterly painful. So confusing. Every aspect of your being will be confused, twisted, and mutilated. You will question every decision you make, and every single day you will be stuck in an endless labyrinth, in which every corner you turn as you try to exercise your own identity will be met with a hard wall of anger and guilt and hate, put in place by the adults who were not adult enough to keep their traumas to themselves, and who instead perpetuated them onto you. 

I am so very sorry that you will go through all of this. Im so very sorry your light will be extinguished and your identity will erode into something  unrecognizable. I am so very sorry that you will loose so many people and so many parts of yourself and that you will experience so much pain and suffering. I am so very sorry that the generations before you couldn’t deal with their shit and make sure that they didn’t pass it on to innocent little girls who are born to slay dragons and save the world. I’m so very sorry everyone you should be able to trust will make you believe that you are worthless if you don’t work yourself to death trying to meet their expectations without ever stopping to consider what will make you feel happy and safe. 

You no longer live in this world. You exist purely in my memories, my emotions, and some very far off corner of my consciousness. You are hiding, so afraid, so hurt, and so lost. Everything that should have never happened did, and it changed us, and bent us, and eventually you grew into me, a person who is so used to hating every part of herself that she broke herself in her attempt to be perfect enough to be loveable, and who almost lost everything she loved in the process. I’m learning now. Learning to take care of you, nurture you, and love you, all in the hopes that I can find myself in you. Truthfully, I have no clue who I am or who I’m supposed to be, but I think I know who you are, and I think I can shower you with the love and appreciation that you deserved but never received. I hope that if I’m patient, and if I can become the one to hold your hand and walk through the world with you, that you won’t be so scared anymore, and that you’ll come out again and help me learn to who I am and how I can love the version of me that isn’t so little anymore as much as I love you. 

#recovery #poetry #healing #narcissist #parents #inner child #peace #mental health #support #identity #eating disoder recovery #late night #letters #writing #therapy #personhood #coffee #cascadia #coffeeincascadia #emotion #relationship #diary #art

[temporarymoods]

first blog!

yay I'm blogging. I'm 21 and I made a blog! maybe this will be good for me, I think. maybe I can keep doing things that are good for me.

🎶 I want sweet revenge / I want him again 🎶

So not true! (I tend to start diary entries with the lyric of a song that's stuck in my head-- especially cool if relevant.) But no, I'm single, and I don't feel particularly wanting of either vengeance or re-coupling at the moment, though the moment tends to be short and infantile. That being said, when I talk of the recent, it certainly is the most important thing, and, wouldn't you know, it takes a quite specific form, seemingly out of nowhere, which surely plans on vanishing within a bit. There we have the reason for this blog (see: name.) Digging in: something we should all be doing more, scraping art and thus pleasure out of our lives; momentarily my sole commitment, while it lasts, while anything does.

It rained today, and thinking about the water calls my attention to how crystal-clear things have been in and around my little being as of late. I told my therapist on Monday (tonight is Wednesday's) that perhaps, the good, long days I've met over the past week are the result of another hypomanic episode, not unlike the one in April which got me diagnosed with bipolar ii. She told me that, frankly, she wished I had never come across the term; I'm doing well, and nothing's wrong with that, and I should be proud of myself. She's right, of course. Consider the heinous acts of socializing, self-esteeming, sweating, and getting shit done--- not bad things, just what I've been wanting for so long!!* So maybe I'm unipolar (aka it's just depression lmao.) Fruitless conclusion? Methinks. Moods, each and every last one, still dominate me (ooh la la), and I won't turn my focus away from them now, as I'm just starting to write the perfect cheatsheet. TLDR I'm sensitive, perhaps not clinically, but does it matter?

🎶 My baby loves me, I'm so angry / Anger makes me a modern girl 🎶

Real. And complicated. While patriarchy has been sooo top of mind, along with an atypically roaring orange feminist fire in my heart, roughly shaking 'gender ideas' have been floating around my head, too. I suppose one of them floated through my fingers and called a hair salon yesterday afternoon. The spirit of gender must have simultaneously took over the air in my lungs and let me schedule a cut for Friday. And I'm so mad, at everything, more than normal; I think about the shape of misogyny, and I've somehow become re-appalled at so much, because there is so much, and it hurts, very actively--- maybe it's that things have come so up to surface recently, like I said, clear. But?B/c?And? When I get ready to be out in the world, and I'm there, taking time with reflective surfaces, I look at my face and I see something different than usual--- someone more me, suddenly present, too. I greet them, haha, hello! Who are you? And what will you look like with short hair? Maybe more like yourself, whoever that is, whatever we've been dealing with. I'm sorry I may have pushed you away for so long, but I promise that I'll get to you eventually, through the brush. Avoidance is something I am great at.

Not all of the time, though. Last Friday--the one that ended up too good it got me shaking in my refusing-to-take-my-prescribed-mood-stabilizers boots--I strutted (strat?) into the Disability Resource Center on campus, before noon, and I did something that I had been avoiding for ~500 days, something that haunted me day-in and night-out for truly that long. Here, I will not disclose what that was. But what matters is that it was stupid, meaningful to me in a way I would not wish upon anybody, and I cried on the T home, with relief and joy and a puff of laughter. And I did talk to real people about it, and only let out a couple tears the second time. Now I'm writing on the web about it, really putting it out there: I make mistakes! I am capable! I'm going to fucking graduate college!

*I recognize that it's a little sad to be so startled by the presence of my own well-being. But it's a true picture, and I am quite comfortable with it. :) There's a story I tell myself, about my life (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this)--- when it comes to the past couple of years, it's...rough! And that's okay, if only because it has to be. It's left me with certain inclinations, sure: My therapist (who is awesome, if so much is not already clear) tells me I get anxious about becoming anxious. Yeah. She also says stuff like it's 'safer to blame yourself than eyeing the system' [my note] which I think is rad. I appreciate her and her help in dismantling my black-and-white thinking. Thanks, Andrea!

🎶 I've got sun in my muthafuckin pocket, that's for sure 🎶

SorryNotSorry for not being able to get enough of Olivia Rodrigo's new album--- sue me! Can you be surprised, dear critical Kate follower, when I've been pulling so much existential peace from rewatching Pretty Little Liars at night and flourishing notably within my oft-adored bedroom? No, you cannot! And it is with this activity in mind that I close out my first blog post. Part of me wants this to sit and collect internet dust. Another part of me wants it to get like, max 3 notes (that's what they call likes on Tumblr, right?) If you're reading this, hi. So silly, so so silly.

Tastefully, Kate 9/13/23

p.s. super duper into a specific kind of indie music recently. playlist titled 'rememba' is a cookie jar.

#mood #gender #or2 #first post #up&up #feelings

[quaintelise]

August 20, 2022

To what do we owe the promise of the secrets that we keep? I owed mine to myself, to spare me from the hurt of knowing. I have constantly blinded myself from the truth and it is something I still struggle to do. This abundance of emotion will forever be mine to keep. If it hurts me, I will let it. The fate that the past drew for me is unclear, but undeniable for others as I continue to ignore the truth — my feelings will forever be unreciprocated.

This paper will know my greatest sentiments, those that I dare not share. For I know it will not respond, this paper shall hear the words my heart chooses not for him to hear.

The times that the world has forced me to understand that you would never feel things mutually has reached an amount I could not count. People have seen your undesirable side, and they have reached out to me about it. You’ve hurt people. You’ve hurt me. And I’ve loved you regardless.

How you pull me back every single time appalls me.

I’ve wished many times that I didn’t meet you. I’ve wished that I had never heard you talk about the things you love, I’ve wished that you didn’t ask me about the things I endear. But, had that happened, I wouldn’t have known you and it would be the greatest regret I’d have for forever.

The way I’ve felt for you has brought me so much confusion. As I said, you’ve hurt me. You’ve said things that I didn’t like hearing. Perhaps it’s my cross to bear. But my heart will always reserve a place for you.

Someday, if you ever come across this letter, you’ll know my feelings never faded. I’ve always felt the same way. No problem or issue fazed me. I remained feeling the same, even if you didn’t. But it was alright, because I was happy to have you in my life. And God, I’m happy to have you in my life. So when you were about to leave, it left me in shambles. I thought I would save my pride. Then, I realized you were more important than my pride. I would bury myself under my pride just for you to stay.

And you did.

If you ever come across this letter, for whatever reason, I hope you realize that a day hasn’t passed since the day I met you that you never crossed my mind. In maybe five or ten years, I hope you still know who I am. Because I will forever know who you are, and what you mean to me.

Although I could never understand what I feel entirely, I do know that I love you. More than if I classify it romantically or platonically. It’s a love that I don’t understand. I am unsure of it being romantic, but I do know that I would catch a bullet for you. Whatever that means, whatever classification of love this belongs to, I could not care less than knowing that you mean so much to me more than you will probably ever know.

Please don’t forget me, as I can’t with you.

#writeblr #writers #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writing #amwriting #fluff

[septembersghost]

i'm going to be frank for a moment, because this is about to be the blatantly meanest, angriest thing i've ever posted on tumblr dot com, and anyone who knows me AT ALL, especially if you've known me for any significant length of time, knows how hard i try to be patient and kind and welcoming always, so you also know that i hate this, i hate the drama and everything having to do with this absolute foolishness and it's unbelievably stupid how triggering it is for me but

i cannot physically block all 940 ghouls who liked/reblogged this, but if you agree with it, unfollow me. i'm not joking. since there's seemingly zero story comprehension here and zero respect for the characters and zero recognition of how abhorrently disgusting and damaging this is, i don't want it anywhere near me.

#this literally made my heart start pounding anxiety attack style #i am appalled every single day that people keep doing this #that is not what happened #and if you think it's some sort of...i don't know. twisted tribute to castiel or the ship or some statement about dean #it isn't #it's just glamorizing suicidality and as someone who's actually been through it #and for whom dean was an anchor through it #it is the singular harmful thing from this fandom and i won't have it #i don't publicly care what you ship or what you headcanon on most any other basis but this is the line for me #fandom critical #suicide cw #spn for ts

[ladyanput]

Ok so this is the third time that I'm sending you an ask tonight. (or is it night time in your country?) I'm being annoying right now but whatever. So I've been cackling about those salt fics you wrote because they are just amazing. I have a request, though it is up to you to write it or not. So, can you write a salt fic where someone got an interview with Ladybug (probably Aurore) and then they ask her why they replaced the old heroes like Rena Rouge, Carapace and etc. and LB is just like I don't work with dumb shits or somethin'. Then there is also a new Black Cat (Probably Luka, Felix, or Damian) because Adrien here is an asshole and this fic is saltier than salt water. Then LB also insults Alya's blog and their school. Those foolish mortals get some lawsuits and the rest is up to you. (This request is probably messed up since it's already midnight here and I can't sleep.)

You're never annoying, I just apologize that it took me so long to get to you. I do hope you don't hold it against me, darling.

A one on one interview with Ladybug was basically unheard of if you weren't the Ladyblog or Nadja Chadwick. Ladybug had made it firm that she wasn't a celebrity, she was a hero. She wasn't there for clout, for attention, for fame or fortune. She just wanted to keep Paris safe.

That's was Aurore admired about her. And why she felt queasy as she sat across from the heroine, who had given her of all people an interview. But she got ahold of herself, taking deep breaths as the cameraman began counting down. And when he hit 'one', she put on her best smile and straightened in her seat.

"Hello Paris! Welcome back to 'Latest Buzz'! I am your lovable host, Aurore Beauréal. Today I am here with a very, very special guest, our very own heroine of Paris; Ladybug!"

Ladybug beamed right at the camera, but gave a shy little wave, giving away the nerves she obviously had.

"Now, Ladybug, I'm so glad you requested to be on the show. You know, I initially thought I had misheard when Estelle told me. Usually you're not big on personal interviews." Aurore gave her full attention to Ladybug, but keeping the bright, friendly smile and perfect posture.

"Well, I tried a few times actually. But when I did, none of them were really great experiences." Ladybug admitted and both girls immediately thought of that disastrous Face-to-Face interview. It left a bitter taste in their mouths. "My issue is that misinformation has been spread around a lot recently. It's made me realize that I need to find more trustworthy sources."

"Ladybug. I vow on my integrity as a host and Estelle's reputation as a journalist that we are people who research facts. We don't ambush our guests, we respect them." She said, placing a hand on her heart. Ladybug saw an honesty in her eyes that she hadn't seen in such a long time. It honestly made her feel.. Respected. "Now, Ladybug.. We both know you have a lot of fans. A lot of admirers. False information can be spread so easily these days, which sources specifically are you telling people to avoid?"

"Well.. With Face-to-Face, I found that I was entirely ambushed in that interview. I wanted to speak about my hero work, but instead Nadja kept trying to needle her way into my personal life. That picture she had shown in largely out of context; when Dark Cupid attacked and Chat Noir was under his spell, it was the only way to get him free."

"Yes, I remember watching that. I'll be honest Ladybug, I felt bad for you." Aurore bit her lip, but smiled a bit when Ladybug nodded. "I mean, Chat Noir wasn't helping either. He seemed to be trying to push this narrative forward that you two are a couple."

"And we're not!" Ladybug burst out before she could stop herself. Everyone in that studio could hear the utter stress and frustration in her voice. "I've begged and begged Chat Noir to stop with the flirting, the 'telling people we're dating', everything! I just wanted him to focus and he couldn't seem to do that!"

"Is that why you replaced him? Because of his slacking off and refusing to take anything seriously?" Aurora sat up an bit straighter, her eyes going wide.

".. Not exactly, no. It was a bunch of issues that eventually piled up and boiled over." Ladybug made some gestures with her hands, trying her hardest to find the words but just letting out a long and pained sigh in the end. "I do enjoy my new partner now. He is more serious, more stable. I know he won't go off and pout if I deny something he wanted. I needed an entirely new team, as a matter of fact."

"Well I am going to say, on behalf of everyone here, that we're glad. We swear on our integrity as journalists that if such rumours were to ever surface again, we will do our proper research." Aurore beamed and many of the staff and crew behind the cameras nodded and gave Ladybug their thumbs up. Honestly, it warmed Ladybug's heart to see such support.

When had been the last time someone had supported her like this? Sure, her parents supported her, but her friends..? Her peers? No, none of them had supported her in a long time.

"Speaking of research, I'd say to stay away from the Ladyblog." It burned to say it but it had to be said. Alya had crossed so many lines it wasn't even forgivable at this point. She had gone too far, had betrayed too many.

"Wait, what?" Aurore nearly jumped out of her seat but quickly composed herself, taking a deep breath. "Pardon me Ladybug, but the Ladyblog has been a vital source of information since the very beginning."

"And I'm not denying that!" Ladybug quickly held up her hands, her eyes desperate now. "But please let me explain. The Ladyblog was amazing in the beginning, but like all things, it started to go astray. It was things like trying so hard to find out my identity. Trying to push that narrative of that whole superhero couple thing.. Ladyblogger Alya Césaire has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. I mean, I thought she was my biggest fan. Why does she keep pushing my words aside?"

Many people who watched the interview would agree. If you idolized someone, respected someone, truly looked up to them.. Why would you push aside their words, their wishes to try and push the narrative you're so convinced is true, but isn't there?

"And don't get me started on the whole Lila Rossi craze she seemed to be on now." At Ladybug's mention of Lila Rossi, both Estelle and Aurore had to keep from rolling their eyes. They knew all about the girl.

"You speak as if you are quite frustrated, Ladybug. What an odd reaction to your best friend." Aurore leaned forward a bit in her seat. Everyone else got to the edge of theirs. Ladybug only shook her head, looking utterly defeated.

"That's the thing, she isn't my best friend." It took everything to keep from satin that she hated her, that she had taken away her friends and her life. "The only times she's met Ladybug is when she's been akumatized, which has been around six or seven times at this point. And the other things she's claiming are so outlandish! Saving Jagged Stone's kitten from a airport runway? Clara Nightengale stealing her dance moves? And the Ladyblog just posts it out there, claiming every single story is true. I'm just scared that people are taking this one hundred percent seriously. That's why I had to drop Rena Rouge and Carapace from the team as they believed Lila Rossi over me. They didn't even try to confirm these rumours! And it hurts to think that one day, someone will take Lila's words seriously and get hurt. What if she says it's safe to dip strawberries in bleach? Or tells someone that she found a way to tame some kind of wild animal? Someone would get hurt because they believe her story and try it out for themselves!"

"My goodness, I can definitely see how that is a problem. Misinformation is very easy to spread thanks to the internet, so you being worried is a very relatable thing." Aurore nodded, then tilted her head ever so slightly. "Ladybug, do you know anyone who has taken her word seriously? This is besides the Ladyblog of course."

Ladybug closed her eyes briefly, mentally debating with herself before finally giving in. These things needed to be said.

"Collège François DuPont. Now I wasn't there personally, but I heard about this situation and looked into it. The entire situation was appalling. Apparently a student was found to have cheated, assaulted another student, and commited thievery. But the thing that stuck out is only one person saw her do all of these things; Lila Rossi. No investigation was done, no questioning other students. This student was then expelled immediately. Her teacher and her principal didn't even give her a chance. And from what people have been saying, Miss Rossi's behaviour is actively encouraged in that school. She misses countless days, no, months of school, claiming she's traveling. But when she was supposedly in Achu, doing whatever it was she was claiming with Prince Ali, I was fighting her akuma here in Paris on Heroes Day!"

"I was at school the day that happened. I knew the student that happened to. They're the nicest person in that school! Never a bad thing to say about anyone, always willing to help! I agree with you on how things were handled, it's a level of incompetence that is baffling." Aurore's hands slowly curled into fists as she remembered it all. She slowly shook her head. "The principal, their teacher, their class who backed up Rossi. It must have hurt them so much, made them feel so alone."

"That's why I want people to be more careful with what information they take as fact. It's so important, because stuff like that can lead people to a desperate place. They feel alone, like the entire world is against them. I wouldn't have let the principal and the teacher get away with that gross negligence in their jobs." Ladybug leveled her gaze directly to the camera. "People of Paris, please listen to what I am saying. I am here to be a hero, to protect you from the terror of Hawkmoth and to defeat him. But please, do not be like Principal Damocles, do not be like that teacher and her class at DuPont. Do your research, look up your facts. Do not let a liar lead you to do something dangerous and hurt yourself as well as others. Respect each other, talk and be honest. I swear on my life that I shall do the same. You are the people I swore to protect and I love. I am saying this all to protect you. And I'll hope you'll all forgive me for not protecting you sooner."

...

The interview rocked Paris. Ladybug speaking so openly about her frustrations, about the discrepancies in the Ladyblog and Lila Rossi had many people double checking the sources of everything they learned from that blog.

Alya could barely show her face as she made her way though the school hallways. Her reputation as a journalist had gone down the drain. People had basically started boycotting her blog, harrassing her, or trash talking her on other forums and sites. Even a lot of news outlets picked this up.

What hurt the most from that interview last night was Ladybug's words towards her, both as Rena Rouge and as Alya. Surely the heroine had to be mistaken, she had never beytrayed Ladybug! And that Oblivio incident, it was just to show Chat Noir and Ladybug that they were meant to be together!

Her family was upset with her. No, upset was too tame of a word. They were pissed.

"I can't believe she lied to us.."

"Well what do you expect from someone who keeps harrassing Ladybug?"

Alya flinched when she heard the whispers and rushed into Miss Buster's class. The entire class was there, all seated, all looking utterly miserable. Many of them looked as if they had been crying all night. A lot like she had.

"W-where's Miss Bustier?" Alya asked when she eyed the empty desk. Many of her classmates shot her glares, but didn't say anything about the interview last night. After all, they had no room to talk.

"She and Principal Damocles are with the school board now. We're getting a new teacher." Adrien was the one that spoke up. He looked utterly miserable. So unlike his usual self.

"Lila isn't coming back. She was pulled from school when her mother found out what happened." Alix muttered from her seat, arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

The class went quiet as they all internally contemplated how things had gotten like this. Their eyes focused on the door when it abruptly opened and Marinette came strolling in, carrying a box.

"Good morning everyone!" She said brightly, pretending not to notice the downcast expressions on their faces. She set the box on the teacher's desk before she turned towards them. "Oh? What's wrong everyone?"

".. Did you not watch the interview with Ladybug on 'Latest Buzz'?" Alya stared at Marinette, a bit dumbfounded by her friend's lack of awareness of the situation. She had been expecting Marinette to rush in with support and a fiery vengeance against those who had humiliated her best friend, maybe even a fresh pastry. But instead she was greeted with empty hands and a cheerful hello?

"Oh, well I haven't really had the time to watch much television. I mean, with my transfer papers, needing to plan out my new schedule with all of those new classes. Busy as a bee, that's me!" Marinette just beamed, giving Adrien a playful wink that had his stomach churning.

"Wait, transfering?" It was Rose that spoke up, her large eyes seeming impossibly large now. "Transfer what?"

"To my new school, of course." Marinette giggled and clasped her hands together. "I start on Monday."

"New school?!" Alya was on her feet and rushing towards Marinette. The others quickly followed, crowding around her. "What do you mean new school?! When did you ever say you were going to a new school?"

Marinette blinked, as if stunned, then tilted her head ever so slightly.

"I told you all last week, don't you remember?" Marinette tapped her lower lip, seeming to be wracking her brain before she abruptly snapped her fingers. "Oh! I forgot, you all were deep in conversation with Lila about her upcoming event with Jagged Stone and Clara Nightengale. You know, the one she said she'd be attending with Ladybug, since they're such good friends. Did she ever say how it went?"

All of the students shifted uneasily, suddenly seeming to refuse to meet her face.

Alix murmured something so barely audible, Marinette held a hand to her ear and leaned closer.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Lila was lying to us!" Alix snapped as her cheeks went a flaming red.

"About everything! She never knew Jagged Stone!" Juleka spat out in fury.

"Or Prince Ali!" Rose sniffled.

"And she wasn't friends with Ladybug? They were barely acquaintances!" Alya wailed out as tears welled up in her eyes.

But Marinette hardly reacted the way they were expecting. She just gave them a small smile and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I know."

Alya sucked in a breath sharply.

"You knew..? But why did you never..?"

"Oh Alya, you silly forgetful thing. I told you the day she returned from her long 'trip', remember? I told you she was lying." Marinette gave Alya a smile that said 'oh you silly thing'. "But you told me that I should really check my sources. And I got tired of trying to bring up any lies, since that was always your response. So I decided to just stop. I mean, since you're such an inspiring, honest journalist you must double and triple check every source you come across and found every story to be true!"

Alya flinched and looked away, feeling the churning feeling in her gut again. No, the Ladyblog had been the only source for the stories. The. Only. One.

"And I'm sure all of you knew what you were doing! I mean, it makes sense; trusting the words of a complete stranger over someone you've known for a while now. Some of you since we were in diapers!" She focused her gaze on Nino and Kim, who had the grace to at least look ashamed.

"Marinette, you really should-" Adrien began, reaching out for the girl, but was cut off by her clapping her hands together.

"But it's alright! I decided that fighting with you all wasn't worth it, so I took Adrien's advice and took the high road! Don't bother exposing Lila, she isn't hurting anyone!" Marinette announced brightly, giving her hands a little wave.

The temperature in the classroom dropped by several degrees.

".. Adrien, she's kidding, right?" Nino glanced over at his friend, his eyes pleading for him to deny it all. But the sight of the blood draining from the model's face and the sweat starting to bead at his forehead told him everything he needed to know. "Dude.."

"How could you?! You knew this entire time and didn't even try to tell me?!" Alya rounded on Adrien, fury in her eyes.

"Now, now, don't get mad at Adrien. I'm sure he knew you all were going to do you research. Besides, it's not like this did anything bad for anyone." Marinette pressed a hand to her cheek, still grinning. "I mean, it's not like you all took her advice without doing any research. You didn't try the things she suggested without actually checking them out to be true, right? No one lost any scholarships or job opportunities. No one's relationships were ruined. No one was hurt."

The nauseous feeling spread to all of the class as the reality of everything caught up with them.

"I'm sure everything will go back to normal, right? I mean, I'm sure that that woman from the education bureau isn't here to fire Damocles and Bustier for their severe neglect in their duties. Expelling me with the most mediocre and shaky proof. Surely that's a school I should feel safe in! That I should be proud to be a part of. But alas, my preparations for my new school are already done, so oh well."

Marinette shrugged and adjusted her purse strap.

"Anyhow, I wish you all luck with the amazing things Lila has helped you to do! I know it must have been worth ignoring me and convincing me I was crazy. With all of the free time I've had, with you guys practically replacing me with Lila in the group, I've had tons of time to spend with my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" Alya's eyes went owlishly wide as she gaped at Marinette. "But what about Adrien?!"

"Oh Alya, I fell out of love with Adrien forever ago." Marinette shook her head in an almost patronizing way that had Alya's cheeks burning with embarrassment. They didn't even pay attention to Adrien's noises of surprise. "I mean, you claimed I was jealous of Lila getting close to Adrien, that I should let the jealousy go. And you know what? You were right! So I decided Adrien wasn't worth the stress, the embarrassment.. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him straight. I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world! Goodness, did I learn my lesson!"

She giggled as if she found the entire thing amusing. She then beamed at the class.

"Well, ta-ta! I need to get back home and make sure everything is ready to go. I wish you all the best, I really do!"

They all watched, shellshocked as Marinette breezed out of the classroom like it was nothing. Like she wasn't leaving her friends, her school, her life behind. And they all would wonder exactly how badly they screwed up, if she could walk away do easily, without a care.

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