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reservedserpent · 23 minutes ago
Is it bad that I hope the scars are permanent? That there’s is proof that says, “it was real, it wasn’t fake, and I deserve to be heard”, that it can’t be dismissed or denied anymore?
I am so sick of peoples’ dismissal. I am so sick of people.
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decayingwood · 49 minutes ago
Do you, Darkness, yearn to caress
The very mind that vaguely knows
Of the divine pow’r you possess
Over poor souls who dare oppose
The strength in the stillness of night,
Where demons rush to attack
Your hands and feet, to bind you tight,
To pull you screaming to the black?
Do you wish, when the day has waned
And the stars emerge from their rest,
To plunge us besotted and stained
Creatures into a state distressed?
Oh, wayward one, I fear you not,
For I too felt your vicious brawn,
When my eyes blink closed and I spot
The wave of dark you bring upon
My innate descent into sleep,
Where Darkness reigns undefeated
And consumes us till we are deep
Within, all resolve depleted.
But, see, I have come to behold
This Darkness, from which we cower,
Is not as wholly cruel and cold
Despite its malefic power,
For the shadows become our friends
When to the blackness, we succumb,
As it surrounds our souls and ends
The impending woe yet to come.
Dark veils what we wish not to know
And masks all we shall never see.
Just as we rise with the sun’s glow,
Darkness descends, and so shall we.
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xenax · 3 hours ago
my feelings and emotions are back
they seem more fragile than ever
i don’t know why i fell for another asshole
or why he got me back to feeling things again
i was doing so good without feeling
not that i ignored my feelings, i simply let them pass
like the cloud in the sky, they are only there for awhile
they don’t matter to my conscious self
but this empathy is more intuitive than before
i’m beginning to see through people like a window
however i cant see through him
maybe that’s why my feelings are back
they are stronger than before
just like my empathy has become an intuition
each are stronger than before
i have found my way again
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curly-writes · 3 hours ago
"Everything will be okay."
"No it won't"
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lostboy-in-a-blog · 4 hours ago
Lately, well for the past year (maybe even longer) ive been romanticizing the idea of drowning. I remember as a child I went swimming and just fell to the bottom of the pool I dont remember if I couldnt get back up or whether i chose not to, but I do remember feeling a sense of peace and belonging at the bottom of the water. Maybe thats just the fact that as I got older I always felt at home in the water, two years ago that all changed the water became something I feared, recented, even blamed but thats another story for another day, for the last year I've tried to get more at home in the water again I miss the feeling of giving in floating on the top of the water or drifting to the bottom of the pool and feeling all the water on my chest like a pile of bricks on my chest, but in a diffrent way than my anxity made me feel, it was a power, I was in control and the water of that safe pool knew it.
I've become obsessed with all the horror movies and stories of people stranded in the ocean stuck and pulled under the waves, the natral disaster films with earthquakes and tsunamis the power of the great waves dragging me under as I debate whether to fight it or surender to my fate. (I know this is a terrible throught, and I hope it never happens but if a lone wave decided to take me and only me I honestly dont know if I would have the fight in me or even want to try to fight it).
I want to feel that power again; the power of being in control or maybe even hav that power taken away fully and just release me from this life, would that be so bad? Yes of course it would be I know that, but we know smoking is bad, we know alchol is bad, there are so many things we know are bad for us yet we do them everyday, or we want to. I've tried to make the erge, the thought subside but what use is it when truthful I want it and its like fighting off a shark its not as easy as it may seem.
We grow up being told to get back up when your knocked down, told if we cried 'I'd give you something to cry about' but that puts fear in you and you grow up with that your problems are nothing live in someone else's shoes they have it worse, when you grow up with that you don't know any better you weren't taught how to deal with your emotions you were taught to lock the away don't let them see you cry or they will give you something to cry about, that statement last's with you whether you see it or not. It's still there.
Get back up on that horse, but what if I want to lie down under that horse and cry in fetal possition? What then? Is that allowed? Was that an option? Questions worth asking but never enter our thoughts till the moment its all you ever think about in my case water, what is it in yours? Would you tell me if I listened and told you it's okay to feel that way, take your time get up when you are ready no one else knows when you are ready but you? Would that help? Would it make a differndence? Maybe, maybe not but thats okay, vent to me I'll listen, yell at me from the roof tops, scream I am a lost boy, I am a lost girl, I am a lost person, scream with me I promise i wont judge, I'll stand with you hold your hand and scream till i lose my voice, because your worth it.
I'm going on holiday to the sea today, and I'm going to work out my pain, my pressure, my heart ache on a painting by the sea of... well I guess drowning, people can see what they want, people can judge, fake concern while they walk pass me covered in the colour blue every shade I can get myhands on. Because at the end of the day its up to you what you let people see and I'm choosing to let them see my raw emotion everything I've been taught to hide from day one!
But even after all that I'll still be left with the feelings, and I'd still be left with the longing for that painful freedom... and thats okay with me because I'd have done something amazing, I fougt it! Maybe only for a short time but thats just as important, dont run before you learn to walk.
I would still be left with one important question, feeling, at the end of it though, would anybody care? But then again don't we all question that? Would you care... thats a powerful question, everybody cares till theres nothing in it for them. One of human fatal flaws at its finest.
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poemsandword · 5 hours ago
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chrispenderghast · 7 hours ago
Adderall feels like a magic carpet ride, but like through a VR headset. Except you can’t take the headset off after the ride is over. So you stare at darkness.
And while staring at darkness, you realize that the world that exists within the headset is not real, and that you’re just a character.
Then you feel guilty for having a personality that is not yours, so you stop taking the drug.
Then you crash.
Mentally, physically, and emotionally.
It's hard at first because you can barely open your eyes. 
All you want to do is sleep.
You’re nostalgic.
You’re only interested in learning about Pangea or the savanna.
You’re eating nonstop.
Then you’re back to normal, and you want to go back.
To the crash.
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flameaurasphere · 9 hours ago
Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 233
It's over and done, but the heartache lives on inside And who's the one you're clinging to instead of me tonight? And where are you now Now that I need you? Tears on my pillow wherever you go I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart It's just emotion that's taken me over Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling You know that there'll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
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cozycoochie · 9 hours ago
i HATE being ignored
when i was in high school i dated this guy for like years... all the way until undergrad and he would just randomly ignore me to cheat. he would stop talking to me for weeks. i would call him and text him and he would never respond. i would go on his social media page and he would just keep ignoring me and it sucked. i would feel sick and afraid and then he would randomly hit me up like nothing happened and would pop up at my place. it was awful.
when i was little i had hella siblings and i’m not very loud when i talk so i got drowned out a lot. even in adulthood sometimes i’m talking to people but i’m so softspoken that many times people don’t hear me. of course my parents ignore me they’ve always done that. today i was talking to my twin sister and i was so excited and she just was responding back to herself. being ignored makes me feel sick tbh. sometimes i get scared because i think the person is trying to secretly harm me if they know me well. other times i feel like the person is finding entertainment out of me reaching out trying to understand why they are ignoring me. 
sometimes i’m very afraid of people. i’m afraid that everyone will turn on me or that i trust people too often. sometimes i get exhausted thinking like this. i feel like many people don’t care about me and I want to get away from everything and everyone. 
this weekend was awful. i felt really sad and anxious and i keep dipping in and out of depression. i kept feeling like for most of my life i’ve been looking for love, nurturing and care from people since my parents didn’t do it. I felt scared. I felt like my inner child was terrified to realize that I didn’t receive these gifts as a child. i didn’t know these were gifts i thought they were rewards for if you did somethings right or made someone happy. 
tomorrow i figure out some health issues and i feel afraid in my head i keep telling myself i want my mom. i keep thinking about this situation with an old friend ignoring me and want to talk to my dad. i want someone to listen to me and give me that safety that everything is ok but i don’t even know what that feels like. i’ve never experienced that. i’ve nurtured myself through out my life with music and poetry and i just feel so tired now, like who is going to do it back ? 
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havetobebetter · 12 hours ago
Is legit? How I got scammed! And how's the Bitcoin craze got me into troubles. And you are not immune to it, trust me.
Never anticipate what has yet to come. Never regret what has already happened. With love and respect Be better than yesterday, financially, personally and professionally
Motivation elevator 💪I am Drinking This Tonic Before 10am that Gave Me Astonishing Results (It’s INSANE!) So, it’s happened. I got scammed by being stupid. It’s about bitcoin mining, and I am out around $1600. In the back of my mind, I was always cautious this will be a scam, but my emotions got the best of me. I really wanted to get out of my current job, the enormous profits promise by the…
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vivien-janine · 14 hours ago
i want to heal
what others ruined in you.
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robert-luka · 15 hours ago
I'll Await You
I will await you in a solution of a melody,
Said one lover to the other;
In a twinkle of a star,
In the humming of the wind, where night meets the dawn,
I'll await you
where the breath ends and a new one begins.
I'll be there in the morning dew when your bare feet touch the earth's skin,
In the pause of a blackbird's song
just learning to sing,
I'll be there
where the breath ends and a new one begins.
You'll find me in the cracks of your broken heart,
I'll sleep in the tears that blur your sight,
where two rivers meld and in an embrace a mother gives a child.
You'll find me
where the breath ends and a new one begins.
Dedicated to my dear mother who passed away last summer. Love you!❤
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Manchmal vergesse ich meinen eigenen Wert. Ich vergesse, dass ich mehr bin als mein Körper und mein Bildungsgrad. Ich vergesse mich, während ich versuche alle anderen zu retten. Dabei müsste ich mich retten, vor mir selbst und den negativen Gedanken.
In letzter Zeit überkommen mich die Emotionen und ich kann nur schwer damit umgehen, vor allem mit den negativen. Menschen versuchen mich auszunutzen und mich nimmt das mehr mit denn je. Früher wäre es mir egal gewesen, inzwischen frage ich mich wieso das immer mir passiert.. anstatt zu fragen weshalb ich so etwas zulasse. Ich verdiene das nicht. Ich bin gut zu Menschen und ich dulde keine Menschen mehr, die meine Art zu ihrem Nutzen missbrauchen und mich danach längst liegen lassen!
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exhaled-spirals · 18 hours ago
« Unhealthy guilt is a form of punishment and self-attack. It can arise when you’ve broken a rule that’s rigid, extreme or not in alignment with what you really value. It can also arise when you’ve broken a rule you do value but, instead of motivating positive change, the guilt becomes excessive and toxic. When we feel unhealthy guilt, we often overestimate how much others are annoyed or hurt by our actions, thereby artificially magnifying our transgressions. This approach to improving our relationships or personal actions doesn’t positively influence behaviour, and is rooted in fear. [...]
Healthy guilt creates an invisible forcefield, helping us operate within a band of behaviour that’s aligned with our values. It ensures we’re responsive to the needs of those close to us, and allows us to have warm, positive relationships. This guilt is guiding you to get on track and be the kind of person you want to be in the world. [...] It’s a positive force for change and is rooted in love—for yourself and for others.
Does the voice [of guilt] sound calm and loving, while still recognising you’ve made a mistake? If so, this is probably healthy guilt. Or is it angry and critical? [The] voice of unhealthy guilt can go on for hours or days, leading to prolonged periods of procrastination, avoidance or low mood. [It is] heavy like molasses, a burden that makes it hard to take effective, corrective action. »
— Aziz Gazipura, “How to save yourself another pointless guilt trip” in Psyche Magazine
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