#he's playing on the brother card cause brother > cousin. period. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dread-on-arrival · 4 years

Text

Richard Ramirez - The Night Stalker: Childhood Part 1

Serial Killer Masterlist

This is part 1 to my series on Richard Ramirez’s childhood, I wanted to make this series so we could go through - in detail - the influences and triggers in his childhood and early adulthood.

I recommend reading the first in the series Richard Ramirez: Family Background.

Word Count: 2576

Richard’s mother and sister recall him as being a quiet baby. His sister Ruth treated him as though he was her own child, she would dress him up like a doll: ‘He was particularly good looking, with a well-formed face and big, round, long-lashed eyes. As with his fathers and brothers, his hands and feet were large’. - The Life and Crimes of Richard Ramirez The Night Stalker by Philip Carlo. She’d bring him everywhere with her and would talk to him in both Spanish and English so he would be somewhat prepared when he started school. His mother noted his love of a music from an early age, if the radio was playing he would move his head and feet in time at a very young baby.

During this time Joseph had had around fifteen operations. Even though these operations mostly took place in the summer holidays so he wouldn’t miss school he still missed large chunks of his education. He was in hospital for such long periods of time that he started to miss school dearly but he didn’t complain.

At this point all the siblings apart from Richard were in school however Ruben was starting to struggle in school. Not because he did not understand - he was of average intelligence - but it was because he argued with other children and teachers. His report cards stated that he was a behavioural problem and was put into the ‘slow’ class. When his father found out about his ‘problems’ he beat him with a water hose, it didn’t help at all. Joseph was a below-average student due to being in and out of hospital. Robert was moved to a class tailored to his needs - it had became apparent he suffered from learning disabilities.

At 3 years old, 1963, Richard and his siblings saw their father lose his temper for the first time. He was working on the car outside the house and couldn’t fit the filter into the engine. It wouldn’t fit right and rather then taking a step back or giving it five minutes so he could calm down (anyone could get annoyed by something simple not going their way), he started to swear and shout but it escalated further then that. He repeatedly hit his head against the side of the house until blood started pour down his face. ‘”I’ve never seen anyone ever get so made,” Joseph said later. “He would just lose it totally. To see him doing that, making himself bleed and all - it was scary. When that happened, all the kids ran. My mom would stay out of his way totally. The funny thing was, he got more mad at objects than people.”’ - The Life and Crimes of Richard Ramirez The Night Stalker by Philip Carlo.

Robert was the third oldest of the siblings but he was the biggest, he was also the most relaxed, Ruben was rebellious and Joseph went along with pretty much everything, never really questioning his brothers. Ruth had all the good qualities of her brothers combined, she always helped Mercedes without being asked but could also play rough with her older brothers. She was often having pranks played on her but never took them to heart and would often quip back with clever pranks of her own. Still though, she clashed with Ruben. If she didn’t do as he said quickly he’d hit her and if it wasn’t for Joseph she would have been hit far more often. Later she said Richard would be the one to defend her, he loved his older sister more then anything and trusted her most of all.

After eleven years of saving the family began looking for a new house, their current house wasn’t exactly big enough for seven people. The house was one-story, three bedrooms, a large kitchen,a driveway, a backyard but no garage. It was located on Ledo Street, in Lincoln or La Roca (The rock) because of the cemetery, Cordova, close by.

Since Mercedes had gone back to work at Tony Lama’s - after they had been sued by a previous worker they now had ventilation equipment available - she needed a babysitter. She wanted a Mexican women so communication would be easier for her. Socorro was hired not long after to look after Richard unit Ruth and her brothers were back from school. Julian wasn’t around often since he was still laying tracks at the Santa Fe railroad. The further away he travelled the longer he was away.

Richard’s mother said that he could keep himself entertained for hours on end. Whenever his siblings were busy at school he would come up with his own little games such as Cowboys-and-Indians, one neighbour even spoke to Mercedes saying that Richard was exhibiting odd behaviour in the front yard. He would pretend to shoot the air in front of him before running to the spot where he had ‘fired’ and would act as though he would have been shot with great drama. He would act out other scenarios too but a lot involved some huge drama and battle.

Richard Muñoz Ramirez at age three on his first bike. He was a good child and able to amuse himself for hours on end. (Authors Collection) - The Life and Crimes of Richard Ramirez The Night Stalker by Philip Carlo.

One day when Richard’s parents and siblings were out he was left alone with Socorro. Socorro was watching television, not paying much attention to little Richard, this was a normal occurrence. He asked for her to put on the radio, he still adored music. The two-year-old asked for a further ten minutes yet he was told no so he took matters into his own hands. He went into his parents room where the radio sat on top of a large wooden dresser, using the open drawers as a kind of ladder he began to climb his way towards the radio. He made it to the third drawer but his weight caused the dresser to topple forward on top of him. It knocked him unconscious, creating a large gash on his forehead. Socorro pulled the dresser off of him and called Mercedes. She put a towel onto the gash, when Mercedes arrived they took him straight to the hospital. He had been unconscious for around fifteen minutes - being unconscious for at least that long is a sign of a brain injury. He had received a concussion and if he was to become dizzy or had problems with his equilibrium he should be taken back to hospital immediately. Thirty stitches were need to entirely close the wound, the scar was still visible once Richard was an adult.

Julian asked Mercedes to fire Sorocco and find a new babysitter. One that would be able to keep an eye on a restless child who could never sit still, someone who would able to pay a lot of attention to him for at least six hours a day, five days a week. She listened, fired Sorocco and the incident was never payed the slightest bit of attention again.

Their father’s hopes of the American dream for his children were beginning to falter, Ruben’s ‘rebellions’ were becoming worse. Whenever it was just the children home and no babysitter was present Ruben would bring over his ‘Bad group of boys’ as Mercedes called them. They would sniff glue in the house, Ruth saw it but never told her parents or anyone else. If Ruben found out she ‘snitched’ he’d beat her, their parents weren’t around enough to protect her from his rage.

A phone call from the police was Julian’s breaking point. Ruben, with his cousin Miguel and some of the other glue sniffers had been arrested in a stolen car. Julian picked up his eldest son from the police station in a rage that hadn’t been seen before. After working for so long at the Santa Fe railroad it seemed as though his temper was becoming more severe, like his father he was becoming withdrawn and no longer smiled as much. He was rarely home and when he was he would sit by himself, like he was brooding. Ledo street was in a good area of El Paso, it could sometimes be tough but the people their tried their best. They were hard-working Mexican-American first and second generation, all went to church often. Good people. Not many were arrested in that area, let alone in the Ramirez family. The Ramirez family may have been poor but none had ever been arrested, simply being arrested would be shameful for the Ramirezes. Julian slapped Ruben at the station, the moment they got back to the house he completely lost it. He beat him and beat him as Ruben begged him to stop. Ruben’s brothers and sister ran and hid where they could, Mercedes tried to stop are enraged husband but he ignored her. She prayed.

Richard listened to his brothers cries of pain, his brother begging for his father to stop. Richard began to tremble in fear and cried.

Once it was over, the anger gone, Ruben was left battered and bruised. Julian had broken his vow to never commit violence against his own family but he justified it to himself, his son should never have been arrested. He made him swear not to steal and that he must stop being friends with the ‘glue-sniffing boys’. However whenever his father was gone he would just go back to his old ways. He grades continued to drop only adding fuel to the fire of his fathers anger.

Not long later Ruben broke into someones house. He was arrested again. He viewed it as some sort of hilarious joke with his friends. This crime was far more serious and Julian beat him even harder. Previously the beating was borderline abuse (in today’s standard it would have been abuse but back then it was ‘discipline’) this time the line was crossed completely. Mercedes tried to stop her husband’s blind rage but she couldn’t. Both Joseph and Robert had fled and hidden. Ruben was beaten senselessly.

6 year old Richard once again overheard his older brothers desperate pleas, the cracks of the blows across his brother. He started to sob, terrified of his fathers rage and for Ruben, Ruth went to her little brother. She tried to calm him but when that didn’t work she just held her little brother Richie.

Mercedes put herself between her husband and son, begging for him to stop this. She cried it was too much and had gone to far, this wasn’t discipline this was abuse. Julian did stop. He left the house and went to the nearest bar to drink, he rarely drank because he was a diabetic but he was angry. He didn’t come home until late that night.

Ruben still didn’t listen and still continued his rebellious escapades.

It didn’t take Robert long to start sniffing glue, then Joseph started. Glue sniffing helped Joseph ignore the pain in his bones but he didn’t stick to it. He had seen his father’s anger and did not want to be on the receiving end of it. Robert however, was not deterred and he too started getting in trouble with the police. Both Ruben and Robert started fighting other kids and failing in school so they started to receive regular, severe beatings from their father. Even when he left, the family could feel his anger as if he was looming over them.

One Saturday all the children were home except Ruben who was out playing some ball game somewhere down the street. With Joseph’s help, Julian was fixing the sink. Julian couldn’t get the drain to fit with the wall connection and began shouting and swearing. Joseph could sense the volcano starting to rumble so he considered getting out of there but if he did how angry would that make his father? Ruth and Richard were together and could hear their father shouting so they gave the kitchen a wide berth. After a while of shouting and cursing Julian started hitting himself in the head with a hammer, like the car incident, blood started to run down his face. Joseph reconsidered his options and left as quickly as possible. Robert, Ruth and Richard all hid and waited for their father to calm and when he did they acted as if it was forgotten, but they couldn't forget that, Ruth said she never forgot it. ‘“My father,” she said, “would get so mad at things that he’d lose it totally. He’d get more angry at objects like the sink than at people. It was scary. Richard, all wide-eyed and frightened, was there, and he saw the blood as my father hit himself.”‘ - The Life and Crimes of Richard Ramirez The Night Stalker by Philip Carlo.

The kids were close with one another, after all they were very close in age. The older brothers liked to pull pranks on Ruth. They never were malicious and they never bothered her, she often came back with her own pranks so it was all fun and games. Although Richard was quite protective of his older sister, he felt that some pranks went too far. Ruben and Robert would often hit Ruth to get some sort of reaction - as siblings do - but if Richard saw a mark being left on Ruth’s skin he would get between his older brothers and sister and would defend her, telling them to leave her alone.

At 5 years old Richard went with Robert to the local park to find Ruth. Ruth was on a swing, in his excitement Richard ran to her not realising the danger of his action. She couldn’t stop her swing and it collided with a sickening thump into Richard’s head. Knocking him out cold. Robert carried him home hurriedly to their mother. She screamed when she saw her youngest child unconscious and bleeding from his head. He got his head stitched up at the hospital but the doctors said he would be alright.

Ramirez at six in an El Paso playground where he was knocked out for several hours by a swing. (Authors collection) - The Life and Crimes of Richard Ramirez The Night Stalker by Philip Carlo.

Richard’s first day at school came and went. Both Ruth and Joseph stayed out of trouble and were doing okay in school. In contrast Ruben and Robert were failing miserably and fighting anyone they disagreed with. At this point Julian was away from his family for weeks at a time. He was disappointed with their progress, he wanted them to do well in school and have a shot at the ‘American Dream’. He had hoped one of his children would be famous one day.

Part 2 should be up soon, if you think I have any facts wrong message me.

I have gotten my information from a range of articles, youtube videos such as Georgia Marie’s video on him, The Last Podcast on the Left’s two parter on him and Philip Carlos’ informative book ‘The Life and Crimes of Richard Ramirez The Night Stalker’.

210 notes · View notes

peakyxtommy · 4 years

Text

Last First Birthdays

Summary: Tommy & you celebrating your last child’s first birthday. You’re sad that the kids are growing up. Tommy provides a listening ear.

Warnings: All Pure Fluff, slight mention of birth/pre-term labor.

A/N: I am not a doctor, but did do some research. Enjoy, I loved writing this. Soft Tommy & Tommy with kids is my forever weakness.

Word Count: 2.4K

Today was a special day. Your last born was having his first birthday today. Attius James Shelby.

“Look at the birthday boy.” You coo, your fingers patting your son’s stomach as he releases a small squeal, happy to see your face. He had just awoken from his pre-party nap.

You dressed him in his 1st birthday onesie, khaki shorts, and clipped his pacifier to his top, which would come in handy later. His little blue orbs stare into your eyes, as you stand him up on his changing table, before lifting him into your arms.

“Let’s go find your dad and siblings.” You peck his forehead, brushing your hand over his brown curly locks. You walk down the stairs, to see the hustle and bustle of the last minute platters of food and drinks being placed.

You walk into the living room to see Henry, your eldest son reading a book on the couch. Lydia, your second child with cards in her hands, slapping one down against the carpet. While Tom sits on the floor with Maeve, your third child, assisting her while laughing at something she says.

“Who’s ready for the birthday boy?” You speak gaining their attention.

“Me! I can’t wait for cake.” Lydia screams with excitement causing Maeve to scrunch her face up in annoyance at her sister.

“I am going to play with Jonas. He’s bringing his new card game over.” Henry responds, closing his book.

“Mummy we sing for Atty, right.” Maeve asks, calling her brother by his nickname, not able to pronounce his full name.

“Yes we will sing and have one slice of cake each. I will be watching.” You wag your finger playfully at Lydia. All the while your husband sits with a smirk on his face, his eyes fully enticed with yours. The doorbell rings, causing the kids to scramble to greet their family and poor Tom left with cleaning up the card game, but it wasn’t new to him with a house with four kids.

“Looks like you need some help Mr. Shelby. Bones of yours are getting old.” You tease, earning an eye roll, as he leans himself gently into you, as your free hand helps him off the floor.

“Keep it up while it lasts, you are right behind me.” He chuckles pulling you into his side. “You look lovely, dress suits you well. Always a beaut.”

“Why thank you, my love.” Your lips press against his cheek.

“Let’s go birthday lad, we have to spend time with our crazy family.” You laugh as he takes your son from your arms, fingers entwined with yours as you make your way to the backyard. - The party was a smash. It was an overall great day with your’s and Tommy’s family and a few close friends. You hoped Tom was able to get Lydia to bed because she had a sweet tooth almost as bad as you, knowing someone gave that girl a second piece of cake (John), which was more unnecessary sugar the girl needed in her system, hoping she wouldn’t have a stomach ache from all the treats today.

Atticus enjoyed being passed around, trying cake for the first time, and being more interested in the wrapping paper than the presents. You took enough photos to last a lifetime.

As you rock your son asleep in his rocker you mind couldn’t help but think back to what a year it had really been since he was brought into the world, a miracle really. You couldn’t take your eyes off the photos you would switch out periodically (as you took new ones) around his bedroom. Keeping the same ones you took of him when he was just born, when he arrived home, family photos throughout the year. The images floating in your head. The memories forever imprinted in your mind.

He was born eight weeks early in September.This pregnancy came as a surprise as you and Tommy weren’t expecting to have any more as your hands were full with three kids already. You both weren’t getting any younger.

When you told your husband the news, he took it in stride, telling you how excited he was, despite the chaos of his world around you. All your pregnancies so far were a breeze but this one was stressful. Tommy tried his best to be home, get extra help around the home with the children, and get your older two children to be more helpful when possible.

Your water broke 8 weeks early and you had to have an emergency c-section. Tom was by your side through it all panicking on the inside but putting a brave front on for you. He wheeled you to the NICU to see your small infant son with tubes hooked up to him. Learning how to connect with him through the two small holes of the incubator. That was the start of a journey, for the family.

It definitely put a strain on your marriage of having Tommy balance work, the kids, and taking time visiting the hospital and helping you recover. Both your families provided as much support as possible. The car ride home was nerve wracking having to remember all this information and doing this without the help of the nurses.

Atticus settled in pretty quick to the environment and his siblings who would come to say goodnight to their little brother. It would be hard to sleep during the night with either one of always getting up to check on him, even if he was just sleeping peacefully. He was a little behind his milestones which was to be expected but each step of the way was worth it. He was growing healthily, was able to say little phrases, and was getting closer to walking. He was the calmest out of all your children and easy going.

Your heart was happy to celebrate his first birthday. All your children’s birthdays made you emotional, as you knew they weren’t going to stay young - little - forever. As much as you both wanted them to. This one was the last first birthday you were going to celebrate, as you weren’t planning on having anymore children. Atticus like the rest of your kids were going to grow on their way to independence and need you less and less. You knew you had to let them find their way in this beautiful but cruel world.

“Knew I'd find you in here.” His voice brings comfort to your heart as he whispers to you in the dim lighting across the room, opening the door, just leaving it cracked a bit.

“The rest of the crew are finally to bed and remind me to slap John on the back of his head the next time I spot him for giving Lydia a second piece of cake.” His head shakes with a roll of the eyes as he paces across the floor, to take half a seat on the arm of the rocking chair. You can’t help the smile that plays on your lips.

“Those two are as thick as thieves, poor lad can never say no to her. Spoils her rotten, like the rest of your siblings do to all our kids.” You reply knowing all the Shelby siblings loved all your children equally, each one having similarities to them all, but knew which children brought a weakness or were closer to their uncles/aunt.

It’s quiet for a moment, just the two of you, staring at your sleeping son in your arms. “You know he’s not going anywhere, none of them are. They’re always going to need you, need us. Hell, even I'll need you when I'm old and grey.” His lips peck the top of your head, fingers squeezing your shoulder with gentle reassurance.

He knew you like the back of his hand. His words rang true in your mind and heart, knowing this wasn’t the first time he found you in this spot, with the same thoughts, that come along with parenthood.

You wanted old and grey with Tom, you wanted to believe in it, even though you both knew it wasn’t promised not in his world especially. You were blessed with him thus far, this man aged like fine wine the older he got. You could tell he was getting older in trying to keep up with the energy of the kids, the glasses you adored, and the crow’s feet that was starting to make an appearance.

“I know, just working myself up over the small things. I know we don’t have to worry but I do. Just want to make sure everything will go right. Henry is going to be a teen soon, that boy is too smart for his own good. Lydia is just as stubborn as you are and free-spirited but reminds me of you. Maeve is sweet and our little helper, she’s only just started preschool. Both of them wrapped around your finger in different ways.

I accepted it then in my mind after Maeve but then Atticus came along. I think about the what if’s of that day, the weeks passed, but then I'm reminded of today. How it all feels right and complete. It all goes by so fast, I just want to hold on to this moment, ya know.”

He listens to your continuous thought, walking through it as you speak your mind. You were a deep thinker and took everything to heart because you cared so much. It was the little things that added up. That made life sweeter than the grand things. That was one of the things he loved the most about you, the thing that attracted him from the very beginning of your relationship. He doesn’t miss the quiet tears that release gently out your eyes, the smallness of your wet voice.

He knows what you mean because he has the same thoughts, even though he doesn’t always share them. He has enough nerves for his lifetime and lines in his forehead to prove it.

Henry the eldest reminded him of the earlier years of your relationship. Young, in love, just starting out. The excitement of your first born. He knew after Henry was born, he would do everything in his power to stay alive. He was smart, a leader, and enjoyed spending time with his cousins. He was a younger version of himself, but better. He was glad for it.

Lydia came a few years later and she took his heart when his blue eyes met her brown ones. She was a handful from the start (she was definitely his daughter). She reminded him of Ada in her sass and the mouth on her but also John as she was the child that brought the most laughter and entertainment to the family as she was extroverted. They would enjoy being silly together and tease you to no end.

Maeve was like you in all ways, sweet, loving, and ready to help the best way a 4 year old can. She was a shy girl but was definitely a daddy’s girl. Always searching for him when he was away or would try to sweet talk her way to stay up to see him before bed or read her an extra story. Would make herself comfortable in his home office to play with her toys or find a way to sit on his lap as he did paperwork. She would always ask him the sweetest of things or most serious things, trusting whatever answer left his mouth. He had the hardest time telling her no.

Atticus came as a surprise but in the best of ways. His birth changed something within him. Thomas Shelby wasn’t a religious man by any means, but when he watched his son get wheeled away by the nurses and was watching him through the big glass window the first few hours of his life, he prayed hard for the first time, in a long time, since he was 18. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing a child, let alone losing you.

He remembers your tears as he wheeled you to meet your son for the first time. Him reassuring you and himself, that it was all going to be okay. It was this child that made him slow down the most and rethink his priorities, putting them in check once again. These past two years were hard business and family wise. Managing the logistics of expanding and meetings, risky deals/death threats, raising 4 kids, with two under the age of 5 and in need of constant attention.

Handling the nerves of it all, your/his moods, and the tiffs you both would get in due to sleep deprivation, late nights working, stubbornness on both ends, or just not having a minute alone together or for intimacy. Moments like these, in the quiet night of his home with you and the children at peace made it worth every minute of the day. Made him want to be around even longer, even though it wasn’t necessarily promised.

“I do too love, I know.” His fingers brush the sleeping infant’s cheeks, watching as he snuggles subconsciously closer in your arms. He knew he didn’t have to say much because in that small phrase communicated all you needed to know, to hear. The both you could read one another like a book where it speaks for itself.

“Come let’s get to bed.” He hums, blue eyes shimmering with affection, as his lips turn upward in one of your favorite smiles, reserved just for you. His soft lips press against yours lightly into just a small peck. The pads of his soft fingers, brushing against your wet cheeks to collect this remainder of the tears. He stands to his feet, holding the chair still as you get up to place your son into his crib.

“Goodnight, sweet Atticus. We love you.” You whisper, feeling the warmth of Tommy wrap around your frame, chin resting on your shoulder, fingers tangling together, bands touching as you both stare down at your sleeping son.

You knew that everything was going to be okay. Even though you weren’t going to be celebrating anymore first birthdays in your household, you knew every birthday after would still be as special as the last one. You always made sure of it as you loved celebrating birthdays as much as holidays. You had all you needed within yourself, the man you loved dearly, and the four sleeping children you called your own.

#peaky blinders #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby x reader #modern thomas shelby #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfic #soft tommy #fluff #peaky blinders fanfiction

252 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1250

Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines? No. I had a brief period where I wanted to start collecting them SO BAD and often went to toy stores to gawk at the figures I felt like I needed to have; but I grew out of that and I don’t even really give Funkos a second glance whenever I see them anymore haha.

How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? We’ve had one cat and two dogs.

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My dad can play the guitar; he just absolutely never shows it off, not even if you lay out ten guitars in front of him. I think my mom played the piano as a kid.

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Yeah, it was my coping mechanism from a few years ago. I don’t do it nearly as often anymore, but I still have my coloring books and pencils stored in my room just in case I randomly want to get back to the hobby.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool? No, I ask my parents or grandparents to do it haha.

How many light sources are in the room you’re in? There are two, but I only use one. I never switch on my main bedroom light as I hate how brightly white it is.

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? I never get bagels so I don’t really have a clue what I prefer on them.

Who’s your favorite director? Stanley Kubrick.

Bats: cute or gross? Neither side of the spectrum; I just don’t think about bats.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? I got a particularly vicious scratch from Cooper around a month ago that left a deep cut on my thigh. The scar is still visible and I think it’s going to remain that way for a while haha I don’t see it fading out anytime soon.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? Both sound extremely pleasant but I’ll take the lake trip because I’ve never seen one, or stayed near one.

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I honestly feel like it’s going to be that way for me moving forward. I’m okay with it, though. I feel like it would be very calming and empowering to be able to explore the world on my own.

What is your father's middle name? He doesn’t have a second name.

Where did your last kiss take place? Outside my house, by her car.

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? I haven’t encountered anyone yet that truly terrified me.

If you married your favorite celebrity what would your last name be? Kim, hahaha.

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I wouldn’t say so. I pull up the peace sign most often.

Which one of your family members are you closest to? My sister and my eldest cousin on my mom’s side.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? Shoes. They stand out more.

Are you a good liar? Yes. Doesn’t mean I enjoy lying and take advantage of that skill as much as possible.

Are you proud of your parents? Sure.

If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick? Paramore. I think Hozier would be neat as fuck too.

Which is better: orange or grape soda? I don’t like soda, so neither.

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? They are meant to be consumed while hot.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? Angela and Hans.

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Pink.

Can you remember the last song you listened to? I just tuned into a random lo-fi playlist, so I’m not familiar with the tracks and the artists who made them.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? Yes.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? Nope.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? To a considerable extent.

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? She is extremely selfish and the biggest coward I’ve ever met.

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Laptop.

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? Yeah, I work at a PR firm.

If not, do you want one?

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? I know hypertension is kind of a thing on my mom’s side, but I don’t know if there are any other conditions I should know about.

What’s your favorite Mexican dish? Burritos and enchiladas.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? No, just collegiate-league ones.

Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? I use pads. I’ve never used a tampon or any other product, so there’s no basis for me to make a comparison and establish preferences.

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeppp, I got a customized cake for my birthday.

What months were you and your siblings born in? My brother and I were born in April; my sister was born in September.

What did you have for dinner last night? Barbecue chicken.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? In, yes. Do people have sex ON cars??????

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? I will shave extremely occasionally. Otherwise no, I don’t touch them.

Has your town ever flooded? This time of the year, always.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? Yup. I preferred Burger King’s playplace, though; it was lesser-known so there were fewer kids I was forced to play with.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow? I’ve never even seen it.

Do you cry easily? I can.

Are you happy with where you live? It’s quiet and safe, which is nice; but I think at this point I would be a lot happier and would be able to grow a lot if I moved to a big city.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? Not really; but as a general thought, it is an extremly big pet peeve when people only take into account East Asians when the topic of Asia comes up.

Do you hate the last person you kissed? I don’t hate her. But I can’t stand her.

What genre is your favorite movie? Drama, romance, a hint of comedy.

Who was the last person you were in a car with? My mom and my siblings.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? Yeah haha. I was allowed to smile on my license, so at least my photo doesn’t look gloomy.

When was the last time somebody hit on you? Hasn’t happened in a while.

Was the last person you met a male or female? For the first time? She’s a girl.

What brand is your underwear? I don’t remember the name anymore.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? I don’t celebrate that.

Do you have a TV in your room? Nah. I don’t really watch the TV anymore, and using the living room TV to watch YouTube videos is enough for me.

Are any of your electronics charging right now? My laptop is constantly plugged in. My speaker is also charging at the moment.

What was the last video game you played? I have no clue, it’s been forever.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? That they’ll always stay. I didn’t make her keep it; I was the one who moved on.

Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat? It’s been a while since I set a song on repeat. Maybe Film Out? If not that, maybe UGH!

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? Rhett and Link or the Try Guys.

How many college degrees do you want? I’m okay with the one I have.

Can you wink? Yeah, but I’m substantially better at winking with my right eye than my left.

Do you own any jerseys? I don’t think so.

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? No. I don’t even think I’ve had it ever.

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I’ve never been to a baby shower. Not a thing here.

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? I still am. I’m not bothered about it, though. Sex and who I have it with aren’t things I spend much time thinking about.

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? Depends. It certainly suits some people better.

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? No...I am the short person asking for help :)))))))

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? I have black ones but I literally just took them off five minutes ago so I can transfer my music to the speaker I mentioned earlier.

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? I don’t think so.

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? VEGETABLES. I love green beans, eggplants, and bell peppers the most. I can’t stand fruits, with the one exception of avocados.

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? Black.

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? I don’t think so.

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? We don’t have a dollar store, and that should be self-explanatory hah.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! God no. That’s gross.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? Something modern and minimalist.

Where do you want to get married? Idk, I’m pretty traditional when it comes to this. Booking an events place would be ideal for me; the only thing on my wishlist would probably be the fact that I hope my wedding could be held somewhere cold, like Baguio.

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Uh yeah, sure.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? Spongebob.

Honestly, do you like school? I liked it when I was granted more freedom to do things my own way, which is to say I really enjoyed college. But I didn’t mind school for the most part, especially since it meant being able to see my friends everyday.

Last thing that made you cry? I was listening to a song that resonated a lot with me at that moment.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? Nothing too big or life-changing to someone if they ever found out.

Last person you took a walk with? Idk, that’s not an activity I tend to do with other people.

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? No.

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? My ex, probably.

Does any part of your body hurt? My shoulders are constantly hurting these days. I really need to buy a new work chair :(

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? Million bucks. Easiest choice.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie? The Proposal.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I honestly like it, and I celebrated it when I was able to.

Who was the last person you took a picture with? My sister and I took a silly selfie earlier.

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Some of the pairs I have do, but they’re meant to be ripped jeans.

Do you celebrate 420? Nope.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? I don’t think so. I barely use them.

How do you eat Oreos? I just bite into them. No patience do the whole twist-lick thing. Sometimes I’ll dip them in milk, if we happen to have some.

Do you wear your shoes in the house? That is a big no-no.

Would you survive in prison? I might not.

Ever been to Georgia? No for both state and country.

Do you get your hair cut every month? No, just once a year. Which reminds me, I finalllllllly had my hair trimmed yesterday hahaha I got sick of my long-ass hair, which was starting to feel like a bitch to maintain. It’s only up to my shoulders now.

Current relationship in detail. I am single...nothing much to share about it. I get to enjoy to spend my money on myself, which is my favorite part about it hahaha.

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? My grandma.

List things you spend money on in an average week. Food delivery and nearly every week, merch. I’ve considerably calmed down on the latter, though.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. I’ve only had one...I guess I’d give her a 9. A bit TMI but the oral could’ve been a little better.

Post the last FB group/page that you joined. I was looking for FB groups for a work deliverable, but I had to join one of them to give it a better scan. I don’t remember which group it had been, though.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? No. If they did, I would be very surprised they would still be meddling with a 23 year old’s life.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? I’m sure.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? I’m not now, so no.

What board games are you good at? I’m quite terrible at all of them, tbh. It’s why I’ve always preferred to simply watch over my friends when they do play board or card games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? Wakeboarding. Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? I’m not totally obsessed with the idea, but they do look good on people.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? I don’t know. 100% of the time they are caused by my grown-ass mother throwing a petty-ass tantrum, so I could not care less about the things they fight about.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? Nah.

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? I haven’t used the Switch since last year.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? Pick it up and wait for them to talk.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? Probably not, knowing my mom – but I would do absolutely anything else to help.

Are you afraid of falling in love? I guess you can say that, yeah. I’m not headed towards that feeling again anytime soon, though.

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? I wish I was with my friends now.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? No.

Did you get kissed last night? Nope.

Do you enjoy going through a carwash? Idk, I’ve never taken my car to one. That’s something my parents take charge of.

How did you get most of your scars? Cooper.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I haven’t.

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? Sure. Like back in high school when a group of friends had been caught cheating on our chemistry exam – and we were told that the entire batch would be given a formal warning. I was on the minority side that found the entire situation hilarious, because I know they wouldn’t dare mar the records of everyone else who took that stupid test honestly.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? My brother, only because he put his hands on me first.

What/who woke you up this morning? Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? My mom, who always goes in there without knocking/warning.

What’s one of your locked text messages? I don’t lock my texts and I’m not sure if that’s an available feature on my phone.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I don’t even know how that game works lol.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? I mean for the most part, yeah. It’s easier to be honest with a few drinks in you.

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? Continued from the other day. Last week when I forgot about a virtual meeting and attended it 15 minutes after it started.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else? Last Friday when I had to watch my dad treat a service crew member like shit.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy, I think. I don’t really feel jealous.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? Nope, but close. I’ll do eenie-meenie sometimes haha

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? Nothing I’m required to do but sometimes I’ll offer to wash the dishes or fold laundry.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? It’s like 70% fashion, 30% comfort. Looking nice makes me feel more comfortable lol.

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? Not each other; the dislike was one-sided. Gabie hated Andi for whatever reason, which in hindsight already should’ve been a red flag.

Do you like Laffy Taffy? No, I’ve never had one.

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Manual, only because I’ve never seen, much less use, an electric one.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? Nah.

Have you ever seen a walrus? It’s possible, but I don’t have very good memories of it if I have seen one.

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? Not a popular toy here.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? It doesn’t. I think that would be a little tacky tbh.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Three. We have doors in the kitchen, dining room, and our main door by the living room.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard? Not really.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? Yes.

Have a best friend? Yup.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? No? That’s pretty petty. Both Angela and Andi have big circles of friends and that would be stressful on my end if I made a fuss every time they hung out with anyone that isn’t me lol.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? A bunch. I don’t count them as confidantes.

Does anyone hate you? It’s possible but I don’t care enough to want to know.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? Not breaking up with Gabie earlier, even though all the red flags were there.

Do you remember important dates? For the most part, yeah.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? “Dream, may all of creation be with you til the end of your life Dream, wherever you are, will welcome you Dream, may your trials end in full bloom Dream, though your beginnings might be humble, may the end be prosperous.”

Who gives the best advice? Andi. They’re able to tell me advice I don’t want to hear but am supposed to be hearing, which I appreciate.

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) It’s a random cast every time.

What type of cake did you last eat? It was carrot cake with a really good cream cheese frosting.

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? Almost all of them are...it’s easier to count friends who are straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich? Anything with pulled pork in it tbh.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? I’ve never been asked out.

Do you like The Offspring? I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan.

One pillow or two? Two.

Do you like Mad Libs? I’ve never tried playing it.

Are you suicidal? Not lately. I haven’t been for a while, actually. I’m really happy about that.

Where do your grandparents live? My paternal grandparents live in the south. My maternal grandma lives in the village right next to ours haha, so not far away at all.

Do you cut yourself? Yeesh. Can’t questions like this come with a trigger warning? Anyway, no I haven’t in a while as well.

What is your pet’s name? Kimi and Cooper.

Have you ever been to Canada? No, but I'd love to visit. < Same!

Aren’t babies overrated? I think they are overrated in a sense that everyone always seems to want one of their own, but the circle gets extremely smaller when it comes to those who actually have the capacity to take proper care of an infant.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard? No.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? Sure, in like claw games and whatnot.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? No. I don’t really like stuffed toys lol.

Ever been to a circus? Nope.

Ever shot animals? I have not.

Do you consider yourself intelligent? I guess I’m booksmart more than anything else. I had good grades and can handle myself in arguments and debates...but I have my weaknesses in other aspects too, like street smarts lol.

Have you ever run away from home? I had a period when I wanted to, but never pushed through with it.

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? Work > friends > family.

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? I always shoot my mom a glare as if to say “be careful of the line you’re crossing” whenever she makes a homophobic, sexist, or racist remark.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? The healthy and stable mental disposition I find myself in these days. I would never give it up for anything ever again.

Are you satisfied with your body image? I mean not fully, but I also don’t have any complaints.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? I’ve been called a bitch by this girl that was just a terror to be classmates with back in middle school. She was known to a big war freak and had her fair share of behavioral/anger issues, so it didn’t really affect me once I knew I was her next target. I didn’t encounter her again until college when we ended up attending the same university, and she’s changed a lot for the better.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? The former, no. Yes to the latter.

Have you ever been seriously ill? My fever last year really felt like the end of me lmao, so I guess yeah.

Have you ever befriended a former enemy? She wasn’t an enemy per se, but I just found myself immensely irritated by Sofie during our first few meetings; but then she ended up being one of my best friends for a time

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I did in the past. I wouldn’t do so these days.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? That hasn’t happened to me.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? I think once? My ex was brewing a surprise for me for Valentine’s Day last year and to cut the long story short, she essentially walked a crazy long distance in my school to make the surprise a success. My university is huge and even I prefer to take my car whenever I have to go from one building to another, so I definitely saw the effort she had put in.

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? Right now. It’s really humid and my electric fan isn’t really doing anything to curb the heat :/

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? She is very uptight.

Who have you been talking to the most today? My co-workers, albeit virtually.

Are you nosy? Nah. I won’t really press and will wait for people to open up.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? I don’t do mean things to my friends.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? Fuck if I know. Her pride is way up in the sky for her to do something like this.

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? I’ve only kissed one person.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? I don’t think so. It would be etched in my head if I was ever told this.

#survey #surveys

3 notes · View notes

xxsanshinexx · 5 years

Text

So Oblivious

Paring: Seonghwa x reader

Genre: Fake fiance au

Words: 6654

“Seonghwa I need you to pretend to be my fiancé for the weekend.” Was the words that left your mouth as you burst through the door of your best friends apartment.

Seonghwa paused his walking to the couch, turning to you with a bewildered expression, “You need me to do what.”

“I need you-” you sighed, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the door, “to pretend to be my fiance for the weekend.”

“I… sure I guess-”

“In front of my parents and most of my extended family-”

“Y/n, what the fuck!” Seonghwa’s eyes widened to the size of the plate he was holding at your words, “What the hell did you get yourself into!?”

“Okay so look,” You started running your hands down your face as Seonghwa took a seat on the arm of the couch, watching as you continued to pace. “My parents and my grandmother and all of them were pissing me off and continuously telling me how I was gonna be alone forever and how I can never get a significant other and how i’m just gonna be by myself all the time; and I got really pissed off- this is every time I see them by the way- and I slipped that stupid fucking ring i had on my index onto my ring finger and said I had a fiance! And I followed it up by saying they would meet them this weekend! At the family reunion! God dammit Seonghwa I’m so fucking stupid and I need your help to not embarass myself!”

Seonghwa took it all in with a blank look and a bite of chip, allowing the room to fall into a thick silence. “Well, to start, you’re an idiot Y/n.”

“Thank you for that lovely statement Seonghwa.”

“And to end, I wouldn’t be a cheap ass fiance. We have to get you a better ring.” He took another bite of chip with a smirk, “Can’t go around with something fake.”

“That’s seriously all you have to say about this!”

“What? I said yes, isn’t that enough?” He snorted and stood up, setting the plate on a counter and coming up to press his hands down on your shoulders. “I think I’m going to have a lot of fun showing off my gorgeous looks to your grandparents. How many of your cousins do you think I’ll make jealous-”

“I hate you.” You chuckled, relieved that he wasn’t angry about this whole ordeal and instead was taking it in a positive way. You were thankful he was ready to help you with a situation you never wanted to be in.

“What? That’s not something you say to your fiance.” He grinned and you nearly regretted asking him to play your fake fiance. Hongjoong or Yunho would have been all for it as well, but it wouldn’t feel as natural. He squeezed your shoulders lightly and chuckled, “Now come on, we have to go get rings. I’m thinking you should get a sapphire? Something colorful. Maybe even a nice ruby- no diamonds though too basic.”

That is how you ended up standing outside the large cabin your family had rented out for a weekend, a bag slung over your shoulder, nerves wracking your body, your best friend standing besides you with a smile on his and a sapphire ring on his finger that matched your own. You were praying to anything that would listen that this weekend would work out fine.

“So, how large is your family?” Seonghwa asked as he eyed the large estate and the children running around the front lawn.

“I honestly don’t know, my mom has five sisters and all of them have kids… and some of their kids have kids. I think my grandmother has three sisters and two brothers… so just know, a lot of people.” You answered trying to mentally count your family members as you began to trek across the lawn, ignoring the stares from the children playing volleyball.

Seonghwa was the opposite, he smiled at them, winked and laughed at the children who could only stare, “So do you not like your family?”

“No it’s not that,” You mumbled as you took a step onto the porch, eyes glued to the wooden door. “I like them in short periods of time. Not a whole weekend… and I definitely don’t like being around them when I’ve got something to hide.”

Seonghwa chuckled, and wrapped an arm around your shoulder leaning his head close to yours, “It’ll be fine don’t worry, and besides; I’m a great actor you don’t have to worry.”

“That’s exactly what I’m terrified fo-”

“Ah Y/n!” The door swung open to reveal the initial interaction you feared the most, your mother. “I’m so glad you could make it-” her words faltered as she took notice of Seonghwa, his prince like smile already plastered on his face. He truly was a good actor and the impressed look your mother shot you only added to that fact, “And you must be Y/n’s fiance?”

“I am,” Seonghwa nodded and held out his hand for your mother to shake, “My name is Seonghwa, it’s nice to meet you ma’am.”

“It’s a pleasure, Seonghwa.” Your mother nodded her head and opened the door wider, “Now the two of you come in; your cousins have been asking about your fiance Y/n.”

“How lovely.” You tightly smiled and didn’t miss Seonghwa’s snort as the two of you stepped into the house; taking note of the rambunctious talking and the rooms filled with various relatives. Seonghwa barely looked startled by it all; and only looked mildly amused as you walked into the living room garnering the attention of your relatives in the room.

“Y/n is here!” Your mother announced as the pair of you walked into the room and a large smile spread across her face. “And she’s brought Seonghwa.”

“Seonghwa?” Your cousin, Soyeon, asked with a raised eyebrow. She was easily one of the few you actually enjoyed.

“My fiance.” You answered curtly and it was if the whole room exploded. Everyone’s eyes got wide and an uproar was sparked, people yelling numerous questions and you and Seonghwa smiling awkwardly in answer.

“Didn’t think he would be so hot,” Seungkwan, another cousin of yours, scoffed as he ate curled up in his spot in the recliner.

Soyeon promptly responded by throwing a couch cushion at him, “Yah! Be nice!”

“I am being nice! I said he was hot!”

“That’s a backhanded compliment you dipshit!”

You could only shake your head as they began their fighting, a common occurrence during family reunions. If there was yelling, it was usually those two. Seonghwa seemed to be enjoying it though, “Is it always like this?”

“Yeah,” You muttered watching as Seungkwan dropped his plate due to another pillow, “Usually it’s worse.”

“At least he called me hot.” You shoved his face away from yours at that statement.

“Mom?” You tugged gently on her sleeve to get her attention amongst the yelling, “We want to go put our stuff away before we go do anything. Where are we staying?”

“Oh up the stairs and the first door on the right! Can’t miss it your aunt labeled everyone's doors. Just be back down in time for dinner! It’ll be ready in twenty minutes!” You nodded and pulled Seonghwa away, for he was too engrossed in the insults being thrown violently between the two cousins to notice.

You trudged up the stairs in silence, taking note of the rickety wood and the picture frames holding photos of the countryside. Your heart was still racing from the whole ordeal and you couldn’t seem to keep your nerves under control. Hopefully your family wouldn’t notice your odd behavior.

“She wasn’t lying about the labeling,” Seonghwa scoffed, picking at the small card that read Y/n and fiance in big lettering. “Your family is really something.”

“Tell me about it,” you sighed, pushing open the door to be met with a large room with little decor. One desk, two nightstands, a drawer, and a single bed against brown walls. You groaned internally knowing what the night would entail. “Soyeon and Seungkwan are the best of the cousins…. They’re just annoying. My moms just eccentric and so are all my aunts-” You threw your duffle bag on the bed with a huff, “And I don’t think you’ll want to meet my father yet.”

“And why is that?” He asked, setting his bag down next to yours and beginning to take out the contents.

“He’s stoic… hard to talk to and I honestly don’t think he likes anyone.” You rambled, folding and unfolding the clothes in your bag. “He’s the one I’m nervous for you to meet- i feel like something is going to go wrong -nothing that’ll be your fault really- and then things will just get crazy-”

Seonghwa sighed and wrapped you up in his arms before your could protest. His arms wrapped around your shoulders in the most comforting way, and you felt yourself relax as you listened to his soft breathing against your ear. Hesitantly, your wrapped your arms around his middle and began to find it impossible to let go, even more so as he began to speak lightly. “You need to take a deep breath, Y/n. I know you're terrified, god your rambling tells me everything- but you really don’t need to worry. I came here because I wanted to, I wanted to help you out and I wanted to meet your family. You don’t need to treat me like your fiance; I can tell it's making you panic- just treat me like how you always do.”

“Like you’re an asshole who’s sweet to me sometimes?” You muttered, closing your eyes and taking in the comfort of being trapped in his arms. Despite all this panic, he always had some sort of calming effect on you.

He laughed and you could feel his breath against your ear, “Yeah sure, I was thinking along the lines as your handsome and sweet best friend… but i guess asshole works too.”

You nodded against him, a small smile beginning to blossom on your features, “I… I can do that.”

“No need to panic over this, love.” He said softly, pressing a chaste kiss to your head. An action he had done too many times to count, something that always made you feel comforted, now felt off; as if a new meaning had been added to it. You just hugged him a little tighter, hating the way this whole trip was already hurting your head.

“Let’s just unpack,” You said, loosening your grip ever so slightly, “That way we can go get dinner faster. Maybe my head just hurts cause I’m hungry.”

Seonghwa scoffed and let go of you, just enough so that he could tap the middle of your forehead with his finger, “That’s probably it you fatass.”

And the sweet moment was ruined just like that; but being around Seonghwa felt more real after.

While dinner was something you were dreading the thought of food was too alluring for you to miss. The estate was far away from the city you and Seonghwa called home, and after hours of driving, all you wanted was some warm food and a nice glass of anything. Hopefully your grandmother had made some of the food, you began to feel the effects of the reunion; the longing for something that reminded you of your childhood.

“I see your not panicking this time?” Seonghwa asked as he slid a sweatshirt over his head, not enjoying the cold that the house brought.

“I’m too hungry to care.”

His laughter rang out as you opened the room’s door, stepping into the vacant hallway. You thought more of your relatives would be bustling about. Seonghwa just shook his head at your antics and with an uncommon gentleness, threaded your fingers together. “You and your food.”

You frowned at his gesture, especially as you felt yourself grow exceptionally weak at something so simple. “What this?”

“Oh this?” He smirked, holding up your interlocked fingers as you set off for the stairs, “I figured that since I’m your fiance I get to do things like this.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t have the heart to break your hand away from his, “Fine… but not too much.”

“Are you sure? I’m nearly one-hundred percent Soyeon and Seungkwan would love to see me-” You pushed your free hand against his face, promptly stopping his words and instead making him laugh.

“Seonghwa shut up.” You scowled but it didn’t last for long. Instead your scowl was replaced by a bashful expression as Seonghwa pressed the back of your hand to his lips, chuckling gently against your skin.

“Whatever you say love.”

The dining room was deemed too small by your family for dinner. Instead they had taken it amongst themselves to set up numerous tables and lights outside so you all could eat together. Thankfully they were merciful enough not to make a seating chart. Seonghwa and you quietly took a table that was empty on the edge of the area, watching as children still ran around and the older adults set up. It also allowed you to look over Seonghwa who, for the first time since this whole endeavor began, looked nervous. You could always tell by the way he bobbed his knee up and down and how he chewed anxiously on his lips; he always had that look any night before an exam.

“Are you nervous Mr. “I’m never nervous what are you talking about”?” You asked with a smile, finding yourself rubbing your thumb across the back of his hand.

“I’m never nervous.”

“Your heart is literally racing, I can feel it.”

Seonghwa let out a small defeated sigh, “Okay fine, maybe I’m a little nervous. Your words about your father kinda are stuck in my head.”

“You don’t need to make friends with him-”

“Y/n, I want to.” Seonghwa said, leaning back in his seat and turning to face you, "I want to leave a good impression on him.”

The honest words took your breath away and you were more than thankful for Soyeon’s and Seungkwan’s interruption. You didn’t know what kind of rambling would have happened otherwise.

“And he’s still hot in a sweatshirt!” Seungkwan announced as he slid into the seat in front of the two of you, two plates of food in his hands. “You’ve gotten lucky, dear Y/n.”

“Oh shut up Seungkwan,” Soyeon huffed from behind you, setting down a plate before both you and Seonghwa. “You’re probably making the poor boy awkward.”

“Hey,” Seonghwa chuckled, running a hand through his dark hair, “I’ll take the compliments when I can get them.”

“Which I assume is all the time-” Soyeon smacked Seungkwan in his back before his words could become too much. The boy just rolled his eyes and began to feast on the plate before him, sliding his second one to Soyeon.

“Please, don’t mind him. He’s an idiot, you see-”

“I am not!”

“Anyways,” Soyeon started, playing with a piece of meat on her plate as you reached to grab your utensils. “What we’re trying to get at is, it’s nice seeing you with someone. I mean this honestly, and not in the way my mom or our aunts do; its nice seeing you with someone who makes you happy.”

“Thank you…” You said and couldn’t help the little smile that rose to your face at her words, “I didn’t expect something so sweet from you.”

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t get used to it,” She popped a piece of kimchi in her mouth, “Now I want all the details. You nearly killed grandma with the news last week.”

“I did not,” You huffed which caused Seonghwa to chuckle. “I was going to tell everyone this weekend… just then everyone had to go and start making jokes about my love life again.”

“We only did it cause we honestly thought you weren’t in a relationship.” Seungkwan added, pointing his fork at the two of you. “So what’s the story? How you two met? The proposal? What the hell you do my man?”

Seonghwa could only chuckle out a reply, one that you couldn’t have thought up as you brain seemed to go into meltdown mode, “College. My dorm mate was dating Y/n’s and we met because he was constantly kicking me out. I, uh, went over a complained to Y/n’s dorm mate and woke Y/n up… that’s how we met.” That was actually how you and Seonghwa met and it made you smile slightly, knowing he was just retelling the truth for a lie. If it wasn’t for Yunho and his wild freshman year love life, you and Seonghwa probably would never had met.

“Spicy,” Seungkwan nodded along, “That's a good meeting story. Better than our parent’s “Our friend introduced us!”.”

“Don’t mock my love life Seungkwan when you don’t have one,” Your mother’s voice put a pause in the conversation as everyone but Seungkwan erupted into laughter.

“Oh my gosh, don’t expose me like that!”

“You were being mean,” Your mom shrugged before putting her hands on Seonghwa’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry to ask this of you Seonghwa, but Y/n said you were a good cook and we need an extra hand in the kitchen if you don’t mind. It’ll only be for a few minutes.”

You could tell Seonghwa was internally panicking by the way his hand clamped tightly around your own, but the only thing that showed on his face was a small smile. “Of course.”

He let go of your hand and rose from his seat, turning to follow your mother but not before placing a kiss to the crown of your head, “Wish me luck.”

“You’re gonna need it,” You whispered back encouragingly, knowing exactly why your mother was pulling him away. It didn't matter what kind of excuse she came up with to separate the two of you, it was bound to happen whether you wanted it to or not.

“Well there goes another one,” Soyeon huffed, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat. “You know our whole family is going to be in there interrogating him.”

“Yeah… I told him to watch out for my father, I didn’t say anything about grandpa or our aunts. I didn’t want to entirely petrify him.” You said, watching as Seonghwa light-heartedly conversed with your mother before they walked into the house and you began a silent prayer for him. As much as you told him he didn’t need to leave a good impression; a part of you really wanted your family to like him.

“Smart. My mom is probably gonna ask for his whole life story while he helps her with the kimchi.” Seungkwan snorted as stood up, picking up his cleaned plate. “I’m gonna go spy on them, I’m a nosy bitch and so far there hasn’t been enough gossip here. I’ll let you know what I find out.”

“Honestly though?” Soyeon said as Seungkwan walked away, her eyes still stuck to the door, “I think Seonghwa will be fine.”

“You think?” You said as you began to nibble at the food on your plate, sorry for Seonghwa who had to leave his.

“Yeah. Your mom absolutely loves him from like the three words he spoke to her, and grandma saw him when you went up to your room and gasped. I’ve never seen grandma gasp at one of our other cousin’s fiance’s so that’s a good sign I guess.” Soyeon shrugged and chuckled to herself, “I think he’s really a keeper for you, Y/n, and I think the whole family knows that even if they’ve never met him.”

The words sparked something inside you, making you feel like you were on fire and freezing all at once. “Why would you say that?”

“God you’re always so oblivious,” She shook her head but smiled, “He… He looks at you like you’re his whole world, Y/n. It’s cute.”

You felt your heart pound a little harder against your ribcage at the words, and for some reason, you couldn’t stop the smile on your face. In the back of your mind you were telling yourself that this was all Seonghwa and his “acting” but something in your heart didn’t want to listen. “I never noticed.”

“Like I said, oblivious.” She huffed away a strand of hair that had fallen in her vision, “But if it makes you feel any better; I don’t think he notices the way your eyes are literally hearts when you look at him.”

“They are not!” You pouted with a shocked expression, causing her to only laugh more. There was no way you looked at Seonghwa like that. Sure, he was one of your favorite people in the world, your best friend; but you didn’t look at him like he was your world… you didn’t think you did.

“Doesn’t matter what you think, because it’s true.” Soyeon said, eyes glued back to the door waiting for either Seungkwan or Seonghwa to come through it. “You can tell you really love each other.”

It was that moment that you wanted to tell Soyeon everything; about how it was all fake, the fiance, the love talk, you and Seonghwa being together; but again something stopped you. Maybe it was some want in you that you didn’t know. Whatever it was, it made your stomach sink as you began to think of your best friend in the way Soyeon saw the two of you. In the way your whole family saw you. Maybe the thought sparked something inside you once again, making you wonder if you really asked Seonghwa to play the part because he was your best friend or because maybe you wanted something more.

“Oh look, lover boy is back- oh! And he has a smile on his face!” Soyeon grinned and you looked up from your food to see that she was right; Seonghwa was coming back with a proud smile on his face and a skip in his step. None of the other fiance’s who had been interrogated came back looking like that.

“What’s got you so chipper?” You laughed slightly as he took his spot besides you, hungrily picking up his knife and fork.

“I-” he paused to take a bite of meat, “Think I just wowed the fuck out of your family.”

“Oh do tell,” You said, taking note of the way his eyes lit up, Soyeon’s words ringing in the back of your head.

“Well your grandmother? Easily won over with my dashingly good looks and amazing cooking skills-” He winked and you gagged, but Soyeon seemed to be enjoying it. “Your mom? Lovely woman, didn’t need to do anything special and I really enjoyed her- same goes for most of your aunts. Your grandpa was a bit uh.... Harsh but warmed up to me after he saw me talking to his wife.”

“She’s his weak point,” Soyeon added, “You get her to like you, he’ll love you by default.”

Seonghwa nodded with a chuckle, “I helped her reach something on the top shelf and his coldness just disappeared.”

You nodded along but still there was one person’s reaction that was worrying you, “What...what about my dad?”

Seonghwa’s smile brightened after this, “He likes me. At least, that’s what your mom told me. She said, quote, “He looks angry but you made him laugh, so he likes you”.”

“You made him laugh!?” Both you and Soyeon exclaimed at the same time, eyes wide and both of you rightfully were suspicious.

“Is that not something that happens?”

“The last time he laughed was when Seungkwan fell down the stairs… did you like stab yourself with a knife or something?” Soyeon asked with a raised eyebrow and you nodded, perplexed how Seonghwa could make the most stoic man on the planet laugh.

“I just..” He shrugged and chuckled, “i just made jokes… some puns and just like talking to your family members. He only questioned me a couple times but it was like the stereotypical dad questions.”

“I can confirm,” Seungkwan said coming back to stand at the head of the table. “It was weird. Your dad like.. Dude he smiled and everything!”

You felt a small sense of pride well up in your chest, “Well, it’s nice to know he likes someone.”

“Consider yourself lucky, Seonghwa,” Seungkwan huffed, crossing his arms, “I’ve been trying for more than twenty years to try and get that man to like me.”

Seonghwa laughed and with his free hand, quietly interlocked your fingers under the table and gave your hand a squeeze. “I’ll consider myself blessed than.”

You smiled again despite your brain and chuckled, taking a second to squeeze his hand back. There was a part of you that felt happy, much too happy for something small, but you couldn’t care. You were just glad that your family loved your best friend, like you did.

The thought made you pause, blocking out Soyeon’s, Seonghwa’s, and Seungkwan’s laughter and boisterous talking. You did love Seonghwa, he was someone who you had grown to depend on and someone who genuinely made you laugh; but did you love him or did you just love him. The panic from earlier seemed to seize your emotions but then again, like earlier, there was a part of you that just wanted to hold him a little tighter.

Instead of doing anything, you just let your emotions rise up and down like the laughter that night.

The night was full of you and your relatives talking and being joyous. One by one they all came by and talked to you and Seonghwa, congratulating you on your engagement and trying to learn all they could about the man. Seonghwa was a good sport about it all, he smiled and joked and made very lasting impressions on the children who curiously crawled into his lap. You were elated to find how easily he was absorbed into your family, how easily some of the people who were cold to you for years warmed up to him so easily.

“I really like your family, Y/n.” He said as the only aunt he hadn’t met yet left the two of you be. It was quiet between the two of you now, as you stood on the outskirts of the dinning area, watching your family drink and be merry.

You chuckled a little, remembering the way your relatives swooned around him, “They seem to like you too.”

Seonghwa just shook his head and put his arm around you, resting his head against your own. “It’s cause I’m charming.”

“Is that the story you created for why I fell for you?”

His breathy laugh was warm against your head in the cold night, “I think I threw it in one of the stories tonight. I’ve made up so much shit tonight I can’t remember.”

“My favorite story was the one of you crying when you asked me out.”

“You made that one up!” Seonghwa rolled his eyes as the two of you began to walk towards the house, watching as others began to disappear inside for the night. “You just wanted to ruin my reputation I was building with Byeonkwan.”

“You can’t have a better reputation than me!” You complained, tugging on the end of his sleeve in protest, “This is my family not yours!”

“Well it seems like I’m more liked-”

“Aye lovebirds!” Soyeon’s voice, a little wavered, called from her spot in the circle of adults, “Where are you going?”

You looked up to Seonghwa and he gave you a little nod, his eyes tired from the day. “We’re going to bed. It’s been a long day!”

“Don’t do anything that’ll keep the kids up!” Seungkwan called back, receiving a prompt smack on the back of the head from both your father and Soyeon.

You could feel the blush rise to your cheeks but all you did was shake your head in annoyance. You could always count on Seungkwan for an untimely awful joke. Seonghwa didn’t have much of a reaction beside an awkward laugh as he steered you back towards the door. A small scoff came from your lips as you hit your head lightly against Seonghwa’s chest, feeling much more comfortable with any form of contact after tonight. “I hate my cousins.”

“Those two are my favorite,” He pulled open the door for you to walk through and you two continued towards the stairs “I can see why you love them so much.”

“I was actually going to bring Seungkwan by one day when he was in town to meet you but I decided against it.” You stated as you opened the door to your room, walking through and realizing a problem.

“You should’ve, I think he’s fun…” Seonghwa trailed off as he came around to notice your pouted lips and thoughtful yet panicked expression. “Hey, what's wrong?”

“Uh it’s… there’s only one bed.” You muttered and he cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“What?”

“There’s only one bed,” You said a little louder with a sigh as you walked over to get out the pajamas you had laid out before dinner.

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Seonghwa scoffed as he grabbed his own clothes, going to sit on the bed as you walked towards the bathroom.

“Yeah… I just… It’s you know-” You stumbled trying your best to find the words that you wanted to.

Seonghwa just chuckled and smiled, “I’ll sleep on the floor, it’s okay Y/n.”

“No you’re not going to sleep on the floor just-” You ran your hand over your face and leaned against the bathroom door’s frame. “Just you’re not sleeping on the floor.”

With that you closed the door and started to get ready for bed, trying to think things through with a racing heart. You don’t know why the thought of sharing a bed with Seonghwa evoked emotions within you. Why a slight panic filled your system at just the thought. He was just your best friend who was faking being you fiance who made you feel funny; nothing you should be terrified of. You sighed at yourself in the mirror, dressed in your pajamas and a tiredness in your eyes. You couldn’t just let Seonghwa sleep on the ground.

“Seonghwa?” you called quietly as you slipped out of the bathroom into the completely dark room. There was a mound of blankets on the ground and you swear you saw it move slightly. It made you frown seeing how Seonghwa would go through any lengths just to make you feel comfortable.

“Yeah, Y/n.” His voice was tired and hoarse, like the day was finally taking a toll on him.

You climbed on top of the bed, pulling the covers over you as you let the silence hang for a few moments, “Come up and sleep on the bed… you don’t need to sleep on the ground.”

“Y/n… I told you this is okay. I know you feel weird about it-”

“Yeah and you’ve given up a lot to come and help me out of my own fuckfest…. So just.. Come to bed Seonghwa.” Your words hung in the air, and you curled into the pillow you were using as you awaited a reply. Seonghwa didn’t say anything after that but after a few minutes, you could hear the rustling of blanket and soon enough you felt the bed dip.

“I’m only sleeping here cause the ground is cold as shit,” He mumbled, and you could feel the warmth of his body even if he was on the opposite side. It was comforting.

“Go to sleep, Seonghwa.” You said and pulled the covers over you a little tighter, trying to calm the sudden raging of your heart. “And thank you… for today.”

“Goodnight Y/n.” You could hear the smile in his voice and that just made the situation at hand become even more present than it already was. You were sharing a bed with your best friend, your heart was palpitating more than it should and it seemed that everything didn’t want to fall into place for you. You had a hard time sleeping that night, even if you had Seonghwa’s soft snores as your lullaby.

You never remembered falling asleep, finally being able to block out your thoughts and raging hearts. You never remembered tossing in your sleep or even so much as rolling around. You certainly didn’t expect that when you came back to consciousness, Seonghwa’s arm would be wrapped around your waist and his face inches from yours. And the thing that you couldn’t have even anticipated, was how much you loved waking up to it all.

He looked peaceful, the exhaustion from the night before entirely eradicated from his features as he slept. His hair dangled across his eyes and his lips parted every so often to allow air to pass through. You hadn’t seen Seonghwa so close and personal, had never seen him so beautifully intimate in the way that you just wanted to brush the hair from his eyes.

The panic you had from the night prior was still there but now it had become subdued, as something a little more warm began to take its place. While last night or any other time before this morning you might have screamed if you had woken up this close to him, today all you wanted was to fall back asleep and enjoy the comfort. The way his arm and his body was warm and soothing. How his breath tickled your nose. How he just looked so perfect in this moment and couldn’t figured out why you didn’t realize how much you adored him and his stupid perfect smile.

But there was no reason to reach out and hold his hand that was right there, tucked under his chin. No reason to brush his hair from his eyes as he slept. No reason for you to curl up to his chest and fall back to sleep amidst the early morning light. That realization seemed to settle in your somewhere deeper than the panic could ever; especially as you watched his eyelids flutter open, eyes dazed until they met yours and seemed to focus.

“You’re already up?” He whispered, the morning raspiness of his voice making your realize just how close you were to him. How was it that he could hold you all day in front of your parents and you barely felt anything, but here all you could do was be hit by different emotions.

“I’m surprised too,” You matched his tone but you weren’t sleepy anymore, you were too aware of everything around you. Too aware of the way his thumb rubbed small circles into your skin.

“You’re never up this early,” He mumbled, and turned his head to fully face you, “What’s bothering you.”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

The words put a frown on your face and you had to turn your head, unable to face Seonghwa in this quiet atmosphere. “I don’t know what’s bothering me.”

“I have some wishful thoughts about what’s bothering you.” He said causing your eyebrows to crease at the words, “But i want you to tell me before I even say a word.”

The truthfulness of the statement had you with words on your tongue before you could even process them, “I feel different. Something’s changed.... And I don’t know what is was. I just hope that it’s not just my own wishful thinking that… that…”

You couldn’t finish but Seonghwa was always a step ahead of you, “Something’s changed with us.”

“I don’t know how I feel about it.” You muttered, closing your eyes and trying not to think too much about the hand that now lightly trailed up and down your spine. “I just hope that it wasn’t because of my mind or… or this fiance deal we had going on. I never wanted to realize anything like this because of a stupid fake romance deal.”

“Okay and?” His voice was sturdy enough for you to turn your head towards his, taking sight of his determined dark eyes that felt like home. “What if one day I wanted to be your real fiance.”

The words took the breath from your lungs and you could only gape at him, “You… Hwa… what?”

“Y/n, I love you.” He said, earnestly and truthfully, like he was finally sure about something in his life. “I have for a really long time,” His hand that lingered on your back trailed up until it came to caress your cheek, “When you came into my apartment drunk and sobbing at three a.m. about how you ate your late pack of ramen, I knew I loved you. The time you hugged me so tight and laughed in pure happiness because you finally passed your college exams, I knew I always wanted you around me. I realized... that if you would let me in some years time…. I’d want to be the one you pick all because of this weekend.”

Tears had begun to form in your eyes at the words and you could only giggle at his confession. You had never expected anything like that from Seonghwa, and you had never expected a confession that would tug so harshly on your heartstrings. If you weren’t in love with him by now, his beautiful and honest words made you fall. “Hwa…. you really want all that with me?”

“If you’ll let me, Y/n.” He brushed away a tear that had fallen and you could only smile, especially as that pit in your stomach warmed and spread like a comforting fire. You realized that’s what love felt like.

You nodded your head weakly, an elated smile spreading across your face. “Yes… I… I think it’d really love for all of that eventually.”

You had never seen Seonghwa grin so wide or laugh so bashfully. You had never felt him caress your cheek in the way he did now or noticed how much adoration filled his gaze when the two of you locked eyes. “Y/n,” Seonghwa muttered in a whisper, eyes dancing from your lips and back to your eyes; him having trouble on what to focus on. “Can I… Can-”

“Please kiss me already.” You said, leaning your head forward so you could meet him in the middle. You never expected to kiss your best friend; never expected his lips to be so soft and pillowy. You never thought he was the type to smile into kisses or cradle your face in his hands like it was more fragile than glass. If you pulled away for air Seonghwa wouldn’t leave your lips alone for very long, the two of you seeming to not be able to let go of one another for long. It wasn’t until the air from both of your lungs was entirely gone that you had to separate, panting slightly from the session of loving kisses that you both had waited to long for.

“That,” Seonghwa said, his voice breathless as he brushed away some hair that had fallen into your eyes, “feels way better than being your fiance for the weekend.”

You scoffed and curled up close to him, still laughing as you wrapped your arms around his torso enjoying the warmth he exuded. Quietly, against the skin of his neck, you whispered, “You still have two days to be my fiance.”

“And we still have a few hours to lay around in bed,” He murmured against the top of your head, wrapping his arms around your back and threading a hand through your hair. “A pretty perfect weekend if you ask me.”

615 notes · View notes

peachybowen · 4 years

Text

stupid • r.b

series masterlist

pt.1 pt.2

pairing: ricky bowen x reader

warnings: none

songs: Falling For U by Peachy! and mxmtoon, Wondering by Julia Lester and Olivia Rodrigo

words: 3.6k

AND ALSO I’M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE A MASTERLIST 🤪 YOU CAN SEE WHAT I’M WORKING ON AND YEAHHH

A/N: feedback is always appreciated 🥺 I’m sorry if you find any grammar mistakes. Enjoy xx

I have dreamed of playing the lead since 5th grade. Of course I didn't tell anyone besides my brother and Cousin. When I got home last night, my brother and I talked. He was happy for me. Ej also said that he was really proud of me but he also added that he thinks that Nini deserved better.

,,Yo, what's up? I'm trading in my East High Leopards gear to be a Wildcat, starting today, because it's the day of the read-through! Blessed to be playing Chad. Swipe up for a link to tickets.'' EJ said holding his phone up, smiling the whole time.

,,Hi!'' Ash and I exclaimed simultaneously, walking up to EJ.

,,Say hi to my cousin and my little sister and bye to my cousin and sister.'' he turned his phone off and put it in his jeans pocket.

,,You're in a good mood.'' I mentioned and continued walking beside him, with Ash on his other side.

,,That's just for the fans, Y/N. Inside I'm a bucket of sad.'' he stated and I looked at Ash and then at him.

,,You still not over the not-getting Troy thing?'' Ash asked.

,,I put 3 years into this drama department and now I have to understudy my girlfriend's ex?'' he turned to me.

,,No offense Y/N.” he added and I just laughed and waved it off.

,,I know it sucks. But, I mean; Y/N is Gabriella and I don't think we would want an incest couple in our play, you know.'' Ash explained and I cringed at the thought.

,,Ash is 100% right.'' I agreed and started walking faster, Ash right behind me.

When we arrived at the rehearsal room, I saw Ej putting the Chad Danford card next to the Gabriella one. Ricky and I didn't talk much since the auditions and maybe, just maybe, that was my fault. I have been avoiding him, which was actually pretty hard considering I had almost all my classes with him. He tried to talk to me here and there but I just hummed in response most of the time. Honestly I was just trying to get over my crush on him. He still wasn't over Nini and he actually wanted to take part in the musical for her and I kinda ruined his chances because she did not get the lead. I also didn't want to ruin our friendship. We were friends since kindergarten and I wanted to keep him as a friend. After the auditions, Ash came over. She actually told me not to avoid Ricky but I just thought it was a good idea. Of course Ej agreed with me.

,,Could everyone take their assigned seats?'' Ms.Jenn asked loud enough for everone to hear. I walked to my seat and noticed that Ej put the cards back to how they were. I sat down with a sigh. Soon after Miss Jenn actually asked Big Red to read the stage directions because Natalie, the stage director, wasn't there. And like 5 seconds after that Ricky took the seat next to me. I looked at Ash, who was sitting across from me. She smiled and turned her attention to the blonde drama teacher.

,,I realize that you all walked in here as strangers.'' she started looking at us.

,,Actually, I'm Y/N and EJ’s, cousin!'' Ashlyn corrected. I could see Ricky looking at me out of the corner of my eye but I just ignored him.

,,But after today, you're a family. Please take your neighbors' hand.'' she finished and everyone did what the teacher said. I took Gina's hand and turned my head to Ricky, who was holding his hand out for me. I took his hand but avoided eye contact.

,,Hand.'' Ms.Jenn said as soon as she saw that Ej and Ricky weren't holding hands. Their heads shot in my direction when they heard me giggle. I stopped immediately.

,,Feel each other's energy. Let the silence speak volumes. In a world full of no, this is a space full of yes.'' the drama teacher preached.

,,Nice. Did you just come up with that?'' Carlos whispered to the middle-aged woman.

,,I did.'' she replied, smiling at him. It was silent. Nobody said anything and I could feel Ricky staring again and I just turned my head to Gina and smiled at her. Seconds later Ms.Jenn started singing ''We're all in this together.''. I let go of Ricky and Gina's hand and looked at the script on my table, highlighting my lines. Ash started to clap after Ms.Jenn finished singing. Nobody clapped beside her so she stopped and everyone looked at her.

,,"Sharpay heads for class, hears singing," "opens the door to the biology lab." "She finds Gabriella and Taylor washing their hands." "They turn to find there are no paper towels in the dispenser. They-'''' Big Red was disrupted by Miss Jenn before he could continue reading.

,,Try to read the punctuation.'' she instructed and smiled at the redhead.

,,"Sharpay comma heads for class period.'''' he said and I grinned. He was so oblivious sometimes it was cute.

We took a break after reading act one. I was talking to Ash but I also kinda watched my brother and Nini talking. And, yes, Ricky looked at them too. Nini got a text, she laughed, and Ricky was on his phone so it was kinda obvious that he sent her a meme or something like that. Ej glared at him and sat down again.

,,Cool glasses.'' I turned my head to see Seb taking a seat next to Ashlyn. She smiled.

,,Thanks. They're my grandmas.'' she acknowledged.

,,I have the same ones at home.'' he laughed.

,,Really? Why?'' I asked, trying to join the conversation again.

,,So, I can see when I'm milking.'' he replied and I was confused.

Milking?

Before I had the chance to ask what he meant by that, Miss Jenn said that we were gonna continue.

I was on stage waiting for Ricky. Ms.Jenn wanted us to start rehearsing early and I wasn't really thrilled. When he came running in, he said that he was sorry for being late.

,,We're diving into page 97.'' Ms.Jenn directed and handed us the script.

,,You mean the last scene?'' Ricky asked just as confused as I was. The teacher just hummed in response.

,,You wanna rehearse this? It's just one line.'' I also asked.

,,Yeah, I've got one, too.'' Ricky stated turning to me.

,,And then there's the kiss.'' Ms.Jenn exclaimed. I looked at her and started to panic.

,,There was no-. I don't remember a kiss in what we read yesterday.'' I stuttered trying to reason with her.

,,It was very much in the original movie.''

,,I only remember a hug.'' I augmented further. I wasn't really in the mood to kiss my best friend. It would just make things more awkward between us.

,,The kiss ended up being cut. Little racy for its time.'' she explained looking at me with a smile.

Later that day I sat in Miss Jenn's office, explaining to her that I just couldn't kiss Ricky.

°Ej's POV°

I was standing outside Ms.Jenn's office, waiting for Y/N when Ashlyn walked up to me.

,,Hi!'' she greeted cheerfully.

,,Go away.'' I simply said.

,,No, you go away. You're standing in front of my locker.''

I stepped away and she opened the locker.

,,I can't believe this. She's around Ricky's finger.''

,,Who?'' Ash asked and looked at me.

,,Miss Jenn! She added a kiss.'' I explained and Ashlyn rolled her eyes.

,,Ej, stop. He's not bribing our director.'' she interrupted.

,,Y/N doesn't want to kiss him, Ash. And I don't want that either.''

,,Being her big brother doesn't mean you own her.'' she commented. I rolled my eyes and changed the subject.

,,I need you to do me a favor.''

,,What kind of favor?'' she asked with a raised brow.

,,I need you to borrow Nini's phone.'' I explained and she looked at me like I was crazy.

,,Borrow? As in steal?''

I just nodded. I needed to be 100% sure that Ricky wasn't in the way of my relationship. Nini was different. She wasn't like other girls. The girl helped me be a better person.

,,Okay, you've just gone up 3 levels of scary!'' the girl stressed, shocked by my words. She tried to reason with me for a bit but then she left, leaving me standing alone in front of the office, waiting for my sister.

°Y/N’s pov°

,,I'm kinda lost. If the play is over, why would we still be dancing?'' Ricky asked beside me. We were back in the rehearsing room. Just as I was about to answer, Carlos came up from behind us.

,,It's a certain call. You're the last two to come out. We want to bring the audience to their feet!'' he explained snickering.

,,Teach them the dance.'' Ricky joked.

,,Carlos? Can we wait for Miss Jenn?'' I pleaded kinda just wanting the director there.

,,Miss Jenn is busy tracking down a prop. She's asked me to create a crescendo, people, so let's stop swirling and let's start twirling.'' Carlos directed calmly.

,,But why are we practicing the bows when we haven't even practiced the play?'' Ricky asked still confused.

,,Because you start with the hardest dance that takes the longest to learn. It's in the Big Book of Broadway.'' Carlos started. Gina came up behind him.

,,Page 374.'' they both finished at the same time. Gina walked away after they both high-fived each other.

Shortly after we started practicing the dance. Ricky was terrible. I mean he tried but he did not succeed. Kinda embarrassing.

,,What is he doing?'' Nini asked from the side as soon as the music stopped. I turned to look at her. She stepped forward and looked at Carlos.

,,Why you're talking to him? I'm right here.''

And that was when I took a step back. I wasn't in the mood to be in the middle of Nini and Ricky drama. I had enough of that over the summer.

,,'Cause you're not here. Not for the right reasons.'' Nini snapped.

,,What's that supposed to mean?'' Ricky asked standing right in front of her. Everyone was silent. Nobody wanted to interrupt that conversation.

,,What I said, Ricky. You hate musicals. You're doing this so we're in each other's grills.''

Carlos took a step forward to break the two apart but they kept on going.

,,Now you're rubbing some weird cologne on your neck.''

,,Hey, you love Throb!''

,,And wasting everybody's time by making fun of something that the rest of us take seriously.'' the brown-haired girl ranted. After the words left her mouth, Carlos told everyone to take a five-minute break and to get out. I stayed just being moral support for Carlos and Ricky. He and Nini argued for a few more seconds, my brother's name was mentioned and Ricky left. Just as Miss Jenn came back, Ricky walked through the door.

,,We're you going Troy?'' she asked, confused as to why he was leaving in the middle of rehearsals.

,,It's Ricky.'' he mumbled before exiting the room. I sighed, looked at Nini, who looked at her hands, grabbed my things and went after him.

,,Why are my leads leaving?'' Miss Jenn asked again.

Ricky was way faster than me.

I mean have you seen him? He's way taller than me!

However, when I saw Big Red outside talking to him, I decided to let them talk. My mind just told me to leave him alone to cool off, you know? So I decided to talk to Nini instead. On the way back, Carlos asked me where Ricky went and I told him that he went outside. Not so sure if that was a good idea because it would just put more pressure on Ricky. When I arrived at the rehearsal room again, Miss Jenn was talking to Nini and she still stood by the piano, looking at her hands.

,,Nini can I talk to you for a second?'' I asked and walked in her direction. Miss Jenn turned to look at me and left the room without another word. I think she knew that it was better to let teenagers sort their problems out alone sometimes.

,,I really don't want to talk to you right now. Ricky probably send you and I'm really not in the mood to-''

,,Ricky did not 'send' me. I'm here because I chose to talk to you. I know that you probably don't even want that because I basically stole the role you wanted to play but listen. Miss Jenn is working really hard on this musical and so is everyone else and I know it's hard being in a musical with your ex- and current boyfriend but please, for the sake of this musical, get along with Ricky.''

,,Y/N you don't even understand the situation. You never had an ex before!''

,,That may be true but I'm not on good terms with Ricky either! Do you see me causing a scene? No! So please Nini, at least consider, not ripping Ricky's face off.'' and with that, I left.

The first thing I did when I arrived at home was eat. I always ate when I was frustrated. Not my best habit. While waiting for my pizza to be done, I decided to post something on Instagram

y/ncaswell

Salt Lake City, Utah

liked by ejcaswell, dancingcarlos and 67 more

y/ncaswell you're looking at your Gabriella Montez baby 🤪

view all 23 comments

dancingcarlos and that's on actually auditioning for Taylor

yourgirlash u rocked that audition tho! So proud of u :))

I smiled at all the supporting comments and began eating my pizza, which I got out of the oven without burning my hands.

what? I'm proud of me. I always burn my hands while getting the pizza out of the oven. That's why Ej is normally doing it when... I want pizza.

After eating half of the pizza, leaving the other half for Ej, I went upstairs. I threw my bag into a corner and threw myself on bed. I sighed and grabbed my ukulele. The next thing I knew was that I started playing some chords that popped into my head.

I was hangin' with you and then I realized

I didn't think it was true, I was surprised

When I found out I've fallen for you

I didn't wanna believe my feelings for you

I didn't wanna believe that I could lose you

If I told you just how I felt

But I can't help it

I'm falling for you

And I can't quit it

'Cause I'm stuck on you

And it might be pathetic and you might be skeptical

But I just want to be with you

Please tell me, boy

Can you get a clue?

Or come through 'cause I just want to be with you

,,The song is for him right?''

I gasped in surprise and turned my head to the door to see EJ leaning against my door frame, eating the pizza I left for him.

,,When did you come home?'' I asked while placing the ukulele on the floor. He walked towards me and sat on the edge of my mattress.

,,5 minutes ago but stop trying to change the subject. The song is for Ricky right?''

I just nodded, looking at my hands.

,,It's cute.''

,,What?'' I asked and looked up.

,,The song. It's cute. I mean I don't really support the idea of you and him together, you know that but I like the song.''

,,Thank you and don't worry EJ, him and me? That won't happen. He's still in love with Nini.'' I responded with a sad smile.

,,I know this may sound really awful but maybe it's just not meant to be.''

Maybe he was right. Maybe the universe wanted to show me that it just wasn't meant to be. That I was chasing a dream. Ricky was so in love with Nini and to be honest I wasn't surprised. Nini was such a sweet and gorgeous girl, always have been. It's so easy to fall in love with her. No wonder my brother did.

I nodded and the only word that left my mouth was:,,Maybe.''

EJ flashed me a smile, patted my shoulder and left the bedroom. I sighed and my head hit the pillow.

The next day was pretty much uneventful.

Ok maybe that's a lie. I did catch Nini spying on Carlos and Ricky in the library. That's a good thing right?

When I opened the door to the auditorium, everything was silent. But as soon as the door closed and I leaned my back on the wall, someone started playing the piano. The curiosity got the best of me and I walked up the stage to see who was playing the wonderful melody. I was quite surprised to discover Ashlyn sitting in front of the piano, pressing the keys softly.

,,Oh hi.'' was the first thing she said when she noticed my presence.

,,Hi. I didn't know anyone was in here.'' I answered looking at my cousin, who took her hands off the piano keys.

,,I can be gone in like 7 seconds. Six if I don't zip my bag.'' She replied as she started to throw her things into her bag.

,,No, Ash. Don't go. What was that?''

,,What was what?'' she asked and stopped packing her things.

,,The song you were just playing.''

,,Oh that. Miss Jenn asked me to compose a song for my character. It's probably way too much.'' she explained and grabbed the notes out of her bag again. I just nodded and listen to her ramble. I didn't really know why she was so nervous.

,,Why don't you play me some more of your song?'' I asked and sat down beside her. Ashlyn nodded and started playing the same melody I heard when the door closed.

,,Seems like a part of me will always have to lose.'' She began, her eyes watching her fingers which were pressing down the piano keys.

,,Every single time I have to choose

Swore that it felt right, but was I wrong?

Is this where I'm supposed to be at all?

I don't have the answers, not today

It's like nothing makes the questions go away

What I'd give to see If the grass was greener

On the other side

Of all I've had and lost

Would it be enough

Or would I still be wondering?'' she sang, her eyes still trained on the piano.

,,If I could go back and change the past

Be a little braver than I had

And bet against the odds

Would I still be lost?

Even if I woke up in my dreams

Would there still be something I'm missing?

If I had everything Would it mean anything?''

I looked at her in awe. I never really heard Ashlyn sing like that before and she had so much talent. She turned her gaze to me for a second, implying to sing with her. I smiled and turned my attention to the little sheet of paper in front of me.

,,Maybe I should turn around and take the other road

Or maybe I'm just looking for what I already know.'' we sang together, smiling after realizing that we hit every note in perfect harmony.

,,I'm just wondering...

It feels like I might have broke the best thing that I had.'' I sang alone and at that exact moment, Ricky slowly walked in. We didn't notice though. We were to caught up in our own little moment.

,,I said too much to ever take it back

I'm scared I'll never find something as good

And would I even know it if I could?'' I vocalized the verse Ashlyn wrote so flawlessly.

,,If I could go back and change the past

Be a little braver than I had

And bet against the odds

Would I still be lost?

Even if I woke up in my dreams

Would there still be something I'm missing

If I had everything

Would it mean anything.'' we both sang again.

,,To me?'' I finished and smiled. My smile fell as soon as I saw Ricky standing in the room.

,,Uh...We're back.'' he stuttered and looked at us with semi-wide eyes.

,,What?'' I asked quietly.

,,Downstairs.'' the curly-haired boy answered and shook his head slightly which made his curls bounce a little.

,,Miss Jenn wants to see everyone in the bomb shelter.'' he finished and left without saying another word. I looked at Ashlyn and she just shrugged before she got up and packed her things. Me being the incredible cousin I am, I waited for her.

When we arrived downstairs the whole theater group was building a small circle around the blonde drama teacher who had a huge carton in front of her.

,,Here it is, people.'' Miss Jenn breathed out, holding a small device in her hands.

,,Is that a garage-door opener?'' Seb asked as he looked at the small object in front of him.

,,No, Seb. This is Gabriella's Phone. From the film.''

A few students gasped.

,,I plan on creating a time-capsule display in our lobby. If they can have 40 sports-ball trophies, we deserve a little movie museum.'' the teacher explained, holding up the phone so everyone could see.

,,Okay, people, enough dazzle. Fetch your scripts please. Places for the top of the ski lodge!''

91 notes · View notes

sasuhinasno1fan · 4 years

Text

Meeting the older brother- Lukadrien June Day 18

*Looks at cannon that Felix is Adrien’s cousin who’s kind of a troll and you still feel scared about what he could do come next season and throws it over shoulder before picking up Felix is Adrien’s older brother AU* So yeah, that Felix episode kinda made me a bit upset but big brother AUs are still fun. From what the fandom came up with and what is actually cannon, Felix doesn’t get along with Gaberial and with another support system, Adrien feels less happy with his dad and how he’s treated. Everyone loves introducing their So to their protective older sibling. I feel like I could of had way more fun with this but I had to actually work and answer emails today so couldn’t give it my whole attention. Hope you enjoy anyway @lukadrien-june Family

Nino ran down the hall, looking in every classroom. Usually if he had to look for Luka, he’d either look for him next to his other half, looking like a cute couple (not nearly as cute as him and Alya but still) or either with his sister picking at the strings of their guitars. Luka always came to them so they never really learned where his classroom was other than his home room teacher was Mme. Mendeleiev. Finally he stuck his head into another classroom and spotted Luka talking to another classmate.

“Luka! Finally, do you know how long I’ve been looking for you?” he ran into the classroom, only having a delayed reaction to the Luka’s class having a free period. Things would have been really awkward if that wasn’t the case.

Luka looked confused to see his boyfriend’s best friend storming into his class, but like most things, he easily went along with it.

“I’ll talk to you later.” he told his classmate before turning to Nino. “Don’t you have class right now? What are you doing in here?”

“Oh, you found him!” Alya and Marinette came in, all crowding around his side of the desk.

“You all have class right now. What are you doing here?”

“This is important. Did Adrien ask you to come with him to the train station after school today?” Nino asked.

Luka felt confused but answered anyway. “Yeah, why?”

“Did he tell you why?”

Luka shrugged, “Just that he’s meeting someone. He asked me to come and I barely see him so I said yes. What is going on?”

“Well, the person coming to meet Adrien is his older brother. Felix is, well…” Marinette trailed off.

“Scary?” Nino supplied.

“Terrifying?”

“A some how toned down version of his dad but still as unapproachable?”

“Wait, I didn’t even know Adrien had a brother.” Luka cut in before more adjectives could be thrown around.

“Mostly cause his dad pretends he doesn’t exist. Adrien said they got into this huge fight and Felix left to go live with his aunt. He still cares for Adrien and is pretty over protective. When he happened to visit and we met him, he was kinda scary. He looks at you in a way that makes you think he’s gonna tell Adrien to stop hanging out with you and because Adrien loves him he will.” Marinette said.

“Wow, thanks for reassuring me. Besides, I’ve met his dad. I think I can survive an older protective brother.”

“No you can’t. Adrien kinda lost all respect for what his dad thinks like a while ago. His brother on the other hand, let’s just say if it were up to him, he’d be staying with him.”

Ok, now he was getting a little worried. Luka had a few partners that were serious enough to meet their parents. He’d met Gabriel Agreste pretty early on in their relationship. Adrien said he didn’t want to hide Luka and he’d rather them just meet now rather than later. He felt like he was under a microscope when talking to the recluse fashion designer, who honestly he could tell didn’t like him. Nathalie, who Adrien said was family too, seemed ok with him and he was so sure that was the only reason he’d been told to stay away from Adrien. Adrien would tell him how he was sure his mom would of loved him, and he hoped he was right. This Felix guy, he was slightly more concerning. For one, he never knew he existed and with what Adrien classmates and closest friends were telling him, maybe there was a good reason. He sounded like he was Adrien’s most important person.

_____________

“You’re quiet.” Luka looked over at Adrien who was looking at him with a smile. “Does it have anything to do with Marinette, Alya and Nino skipping class after lunch?”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Fe is not as bad as they think. He’s similar to our dad that he frowns a lot but he’s a big softy.” Adrien explained.

“Who I didn’t know existed.” Luka pointed out.

“Most people don’t. My dad pretty much disowned him. He works for my aunt, who my dad doesn’t love.”

“What happened, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Adrien gave a shrug. “I don’t know the whole story since neither will talk about it, but all I know is that they got into a huge fight after mom...left. I think he blames dad for it but dad said something to him that made him leave. He tried to keep us from contacting each other but Fe is nothing if not resourceful. Once we got back in contact, it was great, even better when he could come and see me. Things with Father are, complicated and it feels like half the time even though he’s farther away, Fe is the only family I have. I know I should be grateful for what my dad does, it’s just hard when he’s barely around or doesn’t give me any attention.”

Luka knew his own life was unconventional. He lived in a boat house, under a roof with barely any rules and a mom who worked enough odd jobs to keep them happy, but even then his house still felt full of love. He could see Adrien’s house as a golden cage at times. He was sure Adrien’s father loved him, but his overprotectiveness was suffocating. It wasn’t surprising Adrien liked going to school, if only to get away for a few hours.

“I want to introduce you to Felix because he’s met all the important people in my life. And you’re next.” Adrien said, lacing his fingers through Luka’s.

“Well I’m honoured and I hope I make a good impression.” he hoped he did. This person was Adrien’s closest family and he mattered.

They pulled in front of the station and waiting there was Adrien’s brother, if how he threw himself out of the car was anything to go by. From the looks of it, Felix was an older Adrien, with lighter, more put together hair. While he had a frown on his face, Luka could tell, even without the gentle heart song that played from them both. His eyes were soft and kind.

“Alright, let me go. I have a reputation to uphold.”

“What reputation? For being a brat when you want to be?” Adrien teased.

Felix raised an eyebrow at his brother and picked up a bag sitting on his suitcase, waving it in front of Adrien.

“Want to retract that statement? You’ve got doughnuts on the line.”

“Are those Dum Dums?” Adrien didn’t wait for an answer as he swiped the bag out of his hand. “Felix, best brother ever, it’s so good to see you again.”

“That’s what I thought. Want to introduce me to your friend?”

“Oh, um.” Adrien looked over at Luka, who stood closer. “Fe, this is Luka. My boyfriend. Luka, this is Felix, my older brother.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Luka said, putting his hand out to shake.

“A pleasure.” Felix answered, shaking his hand in a firm grip. He had the same blank expression his father had first time he met him, but he didn’t feel the cold chill going up his spin. Felix was studying him. “Interesting hair choice.”

“I like blue.” was all he said. No scathing comment about how he dressed so he saw things going well so far.

“The food on the train was abysmal. Is KBCafe open still?” Felix asked his brother as Gorilla came over and took his bag.

“Yeah. Come on. Are you staying at home or...?”

“AirBNB. Aunty’s France home has renovations and I wouldn’t want to bother anyone. You planning on telling me how the two of you met?”

they all climbed in the car, Adrien in the middle and hand laced through Luka’s again.

“Well Luka and I met during a music festival, the one with the different stages. His sister is in my class and he and a few other classmates have a band that was going to perform at the festival.”

“That was with that Hardrock character, correct?”

“My mom. She wasn’t a fan of the tickets she was getting cause of how loud we were.” Luka explained.

“It’s a music festival. Surely it couldn’t be that bad.”

“It was enough to cause slight damage to a few cars.” Luka admitted, worried how that would go down.

“Surely Jagged Stone has done worse.” Felix said, seeming disbelieving that it was as bad as Luka explained it to be.

“Maybe. Who knows with him? Anyway, when I came over, I tripped over a wire and he invited me to come play with them. I became their honorary member whenever I can come over during rehearsal. His house boat has kinda become a place we all hang out at after school so we saw a lot of each other when I could get away. We hung out with just the two of us one time and it kinda grew from there.” Adrien finished explaining.

“So you’ve met my father?”

“I have.”

“And you still stuck around?”

“Well, he’s worth it.” Luka said, smiling down at Adrien, who got red.

“Sap.”

when they arrived at the cafe, Felix cut between the couple and handed Adrien his card. “You order and your boyfriend and I will grab us seats.

He gave his older brother a look. “Be nice. I expect him in one piece and still there when I come out.” he pressed a kiss to Luka’s cheek, whispering good luck. That made him slightly worried.

The guitarist followed the older Agreste over to a free table closest to the walls of the cafe and took a seat.

“Don’t want to sit next to the wall?” Felix asked, noticing he left the seat next to him open.

“Adrien always takes the seat near the wall.”

Felix let out a hum, staring Luka down. “My brother has told me about you. Never your name, but just that he has this rocker boyfriend who was amazing. Let me ask you something, what do your parents do?”

“My mom does a lot of jobs but her most permanent is teaching at a sailing school and waterfront tours.”

“So, if our family did something similar, would you still like Adrien?”

“If your asking if I’m with Adrien because he’s rich, then no. Adrien’s not his family name, he’s just a guy who loves the piano and has a huge heart. That’s why I like him.”

Felix stared some more before smirking at him. “You’ll do I suppose. Don’t think I need to tell you what I can do to you if you upset my brother.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’d be more scared of you then your dad.”

“Flattery won’t get you everywhere, but it’s a start.”

it was a start. He could tell Felix would be weary of him until he saw different but for right now, he had the approval of Adrien’s closest family member.

#lukadrien june 2020 #felix is adrien's older brother #established lukadrien

10 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

What's your favorite accessory?: I haven’t worn any in awhile. What is the last article of clothing you bought?: A shirt I bought online. What does that article of clothing look like?: It’s black and says “Keep your distance” on the upper left side and on the back in big letters it says, “Thank you for keeping your distance.” Which is better: candy necklaces or Ring Pops?: Not a fan of either one, honestly. What's your favorite kind of soda?: Coke or Dr. Pepper.

What program do you use to play your mp3s on?: I use Spotify on my phone for music. If you've taken the SATs (or PSATs/ACTs/etc), what was your score?: I never took them. How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?: A lot. Do you honestly care how much the woodchuck could chuck?: Not at all. What time do you wake up every morning?: More like late afternoon around 3ish :X What was the last movie you rented or bought?: We rented You Should Have Left on On Demand last month. Do you play Dance Dance Revolution?: I never played that. I can’t. If so, what's your favorite song to play?: What do you think of the Kool-Aid man?: I don’t think anything about it. Do you like Dane Cook (he's a comedian)?: I know who he is, but I’ve never really heard his stuff. Have you had a song in your head today? What is it?: Not so far. Have you ever humped someone to greet them in school?: Uh, no. I don’t greet people that way. Who would you rather have sex with: Prince or Billy Idol?: Prince has passed away, but regardless I wouldn’t want to have sex with either one of them. What was the last concert you went to?: Green Day back in 2009. What is the next concert you are going to?: I don’t have any plans for one as of now. There aren’t any concerts right now anyway and who knows when there will be. What is your favorite board game?: I just love board games. Do you think Jade Puget is really awesome?: I had to Google who that was and while I am familiar with the band they were (are?) in, I don’t know who he is. What's your favorite punctuation mark?: Period. And that’s on periodt! ha. What foreign language do you take in school?: I took Spanish all 4 years in high school and 1 semester in college. Have you ever read any of the Chronicles of Narnia series?: Nope. Do you hate Harry Potter as much as I do?: I don’t hate Harry Potter. How many times have you seen the movies in the Star Wars series?: Several times. What is your favorite anime?: I don’t watch anime. Do you own a lava lamp? Blacklite? Fiber optic lamp?: Nope to all the above. Do you write it as "favorite" or "favourite"?: Favorite. How many bracelets do you own?: I don’t know exactly, but quite a few. How many bracelets are you wearing?: None. What's your favorite flavor of Pocky?: Chocolate banana. What's your favorite way to wear your hair?: I just always throw it up in a bun. What brand of gum do you most often chew?: I haven’t had gum in years, but I used to always get either Orbit, Stride, or 5 Gum. Do you believe in the Zodiac somewhat?: Nope. What's your Zodiac sign?: Leo. What's your Chinese astrology sign?: I don’t know. If you were to attend an art school, what subject would you major in?: I wouldn’t attend an art school. How old is your PC?: I have the 2017 Macbook Air. Do you have any 16-bit video game systems in your house? (ie Sega Genesis): No. When was the last time you got some film developed?: Uhh. I have no idea, it’s been several years. What was on that roll of film?: If you were to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would it be of?: I’ve wanted to get ‘free bird’ for a long time. When you turn 18 (or already have), what did/will you do on your birthday?: I turned 18 13 years ago D: Anyway, I went out of town to one of my favorite cities with my parents, brother, and cousin and spent the day there. Can you use a hula hoop?: Nope. What is the longest distance you've ever walked?: Years ago a former friend and I went all over San Francisco by foot (er, by wheels for me). Do you wear eyeliner?: When I wear makeup, yeah. I haven’t worn any makeup in like 3 years, though. Has anything been bothering you physically lately?: Of course. Always. How about mentally?: Always. Do you already have an idea of what you wanna do for college?: I already went and graduated. What's your favorite kind of fruity candy?: I’m not a fan of fruity candy. How long do you think you could do jumping jacks non-stop?: I can’t do any. What do you usually use your tokens on at the arcade?: I haven’t been to an arcade in several years, but aren’t tokens just used for the games? What else would I use them on? What's your favorite kind of fruit?: Bananas. What's your favorite kind of Coca-Cola or Pepsi (Vanilla, lemon, lime, etc.)?: Regular Coke. What do you think of eyeball jewelry?: Eyeball jewelry? What kind of deodorant do you use?: Secret. The powder fresh one. Have you ever had a lemonade stand?: No. What's your favorite font?: Cambria, Georgia, Verdana, Tahoma, and Times New Roman. What size and color do you use with it?: Typically just 12 and black, but it depends on what I’m doing. Like, I often do my Bible studies on Google Docs, so in that case I’ll switch up the font color. What's better: glitter or rhinestones? Rhinestones because they’re not a big, annoying mess like glitter is. Glitter is really pretty, though. If you were given a $50 gift card to an art store, what would you buy?: Some nice markers and pens. Do you like taking pictures of yourself?: No. Are you fairly photogenic?: I’m not at all. What was your first job?: I haven’t had one. If you could have wings, what kind would they be (bird, insect, bat...)?: Omg I saw “if you could have wings” and instantly thought of chicken wings cause I’m hungry lmaoooo. Anyway, uhhh I guess I’d have bird wings. What do you order at your favorite fast food place?: Depends which fast food place I go to, which would either be Chick-Fil-A, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, or McDonald’s. What kind of sauce do you get with chicken nuggets?: Ranch and BBQ. Do you like making sandcastles at the beach?: Nah. I like just chillin’ at the beach. If you had a tricycle/big wheel when you were a kid, what did it look like?: I didn’t. Did you have streamers in the handlebars of your bike?: Would you put streamers on your bike now?: I don’t have a bike. What is your favorite McDonald's toy you've ever had?: I used to love those mini Beanie Babies and Barbies they'd give you. <<< What was your favorite toy that you broke when you were a kid?: I don’t recall. How do you like your hamburger?: With cheese, mayo, mustard, ketchup, and pickles. What's your favorite kind of juice?: I don’t like juice. What is your favorite belt you own?: I don’t own any belts. What is the most obscure thing you've found at a thrift store?: I don’t go thrift shopping. What's the weirdest thing you've seen while taking a walk?: Uhhh. How often do you go for a walk?: I don’t go on walks. What does your discman look like?: Discman? Wow, this survey is really old. What is your favorite kind of Pop Tarts?: Frosted brown cinnamon sugar and frosted strawberry. When was the last time you colored in a coloring book?: A couple months ago. If you were able to sell your soul to someone, how much would you charge?: I wouldn’t do that for any amount. What would you buy with the money?: What instrument's sound makes you smile?: I love the piano. Do you like to be tickled?: No. Does tickling turn you on?: No.

What brand of condoms do you usually use?: I haven’t had to use any. What was the last CD you bought that you really liked?: I don’t even remember the last CD I bought. When was the last time you had a papercut?: Like a month ago, actually. Hurt like a mofo. I literally heard it slice through my finger D: Who's one person you absolutely hate and why?: No one but myself. What makes you think a person is absolutely obnoxious?: If they’re arrogant, cocky, and rude. What was your favorite Pokemon?: I liked Jigglypuff. Did you watch the Power Rangers when you were little?: Nah, I didn’t get into it. What's better: Ben and Jerry's or Dairy Queen?: To be fair, I’ve only been to DQ like once and it was when I was a kid, so I can’t say for sure but I do like Ben & Jerry’s. If you could go over to someone's house right now, who's and why?: I wouldn’t. Are you good at playing ping-pong?: Never played. Do you like to chew on things?: I only like to chew food. What's a nervous habit of yours?: Picking at my nails. Do you like to paint your nails?: I used to. It’s been a few years since I last painted them. Would you be able to fit in a kiddie pool?: Yeah. What makes you giggle with glee?: I don’t giggle with glee. When you read the comics in the paper, what do you go for first?: I haven’t done that since I was a kid, but I loved the Peanuts, Family Circus, Blondie, and Garfield comics.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

4 notes · View notes

shieldedsouls · 4 years

Text

family matters: bucky barnes, part two; james

under the cut are the members of bucky’s family he came to know outside immediate family. each will have an icon, their fc, and full name listed. additional information may include: birthdates, marriage dates, death dates, line of relation. blurbs will vary in length. all listed in this post reside in the united states of america.

does cover some of the following: siblings-in-law, nieces, nephews, grand-nieces/nephews, and great-grand-nieces/nephews. may include names of great-great grand-nieces/nephews.

note: all listed are relevant npcs, and potential guest muses. note two: will be updated periodically, mostly on blurbs. note three: included as james’s family as well due to them getting to know him.

fc: ewan mcgregor ( as cast by @staarryniights! ) name: samuel webb dob: 1 january 1916 dod: 4 february 1977 relation: brother-in-law ( via matilda webb nee barnes ) blurb: married to matilda barnes. four daughters, one son. should wear glasses all the time but only does for reading. drinks socially to hide nerves.

fc: lois smith name: maggie anne mayor nee webb dob: 7 august 1953 dod: —- relation: niece ( via matilda webb nee barnes ) blurb: former maths teacher. met and bonded with mason over a love of sudoku. preference for trousers and coveralls over dresses. grandmother to ivy. loves lilacs and sunflowers. collects doily patterns to make herself. conversational in mason’s native tongues. collects postcards.

fc: giancarlo gianini name: mason erik mayor dob: 7 september 1952 dod: —- relation: nephew-in-law ( via matilda webb nee barnes ) blurb: importer of various materials. columbia native, nyc resident. likes pocketwatches over wristwatches. met and bonded with maggie over a love of sudoku. grandfather to ivy. went into the masonry trade early in life specifically for the punniness, keeps it up as a hobby. enjoys teaching ivy bogota spanish and vlax romani, his native tongues.

fc: troian bellesario name: ivy vivian isaacs dob: 14 june 1990 dod: —- relation: great-grandniece ( via matilda webb nee barnes ) blurb: granddaughter of maggie. loves animals. mother died in afghanistan, father recently passed from cancer, lives with her grandparents. works part-time at a no-kill shelter, part-time at a vet clinic. multilingual with english, hebrew, bogota spanish and conversationally fluent in vlax romani. collects playing cards.

fc: constance marie name: cordelia ora russi nee proctor dob: 12 february 1955 dod: —- relation: niece ( via rebecca proctor nee barnes ) blurb: mother to twins amelie and mira russi, grandmother to eva barnes and david russi. owns a small chain of salons ( read: three locations and soon to open a fourth ). dyes her hair to keep it dark. collects turquoise items. allergic to oranges.

fc: emmanuelle vaugier name: mira catelyn russi dob: 3 april 1977 dod: —- relation: grandniece ( via rebecca proctor nee barnes ) blurb: mother to eva barnes and david russi. twin to mira. married into the hotel business, now owns several franchised buildings around nyc. kept her maiden name out of preference. runs deals for her sister’s wedding planning business. prefers wearing neutral colors for clothing and eyeshadow but almost exclusively wears red lipsticks. won’t tell david who his father is; the birth certificate has a blank space.

fc: erica cerra name: amelie eva russi dob: 3 april 1977 dod: —- relation: grandniece ( via rebecca proctor nee barnes ) blurb: aunt to eva barnes and david russi. twin to amelie. wedding planner. runs specials for people staying in her sister’s hotels. worked with eva to make sure bucky didn’t feel alone during the trial process, took the entire family out to celebrate his acquittal. prefers to emote quietly unless very excited. always carries a book and planner in her purse. owns a car but prefers using rentals for work.

fc: sarah shahi name: eva juliet barnes dob: 3 january 1995 dod: —- relation: great-grandniece ( via rebecca proctor nee barnes ) blurb: museum curator. david’s older half-sister. published poet. takes no shit. collected butterflies as a child. favourite flower is the calla lily. at 21 legally changed her last name, partially in support of great-granduncle bucky after his trial went through. mildly ocd. makes most of her own jewelry. actively checks in with bucky and they have lunch together at least twice a week. loves the color green. shit at sewing. likes first-edition books. bonus for @battlesthatmatter ( specific to our married!stucky verse ): in 2023 agrees to be a surrogate for steve and bucky, delivering a healthy baby girl to the very happy husbands, who they name reagan rogers.

fc: steven strait name: david nicholas russi dob: 2 june 2002 dod: —- relation: great-grandnephew ( via rebecca proctor nee barnes ) blurb: eva’s younger half-brother. enjoys wood-working. works at a deli down the block from home. only thing he knows about his dad is the man left a guitar behind; he’s entirely self-taught on playing. sometimes likes to paint his nails just cause.

fc: michael clarke duncan name: jethro jakob daniels dob: 7 september 1955 dod: —- relation: first cousin once removed ( via cassandra daniels nee barnes ) blurb: son of cassandra’s best friends, adopted by her after their accidental death. always has a smile to spare. prefers to pay with cash. quilting hobbyist. partially deaf in left ear. adores his granddaughter erica more than anything in the world.

fc: jessica parker kennedy name: erica iris rains dob: 14 may 1999 dod: —- relation: first cousin thrice removed ( via cassandra barnes ) blurb: granddaughter to jethro. lives with eva and david’s family while parents are overseas. fluent in spanish, learning hebrew. loves older movies, especially the bad ones. wants to be a dj and own a club. best friends with her granddad. loves going to amusement parks and fairs. hates bright orange if it’s not a glowstick.

fc: bruce mcgill name: gregory joel barnes dob: 17 september 1962 dod: —- relation: first cousin once removed ( via jay barnes ) blurb: adopted by jay barnes. semi-retired stage director. works with the drama departments of the local high schools. lives in georgia but regularly visits new york for family reunions and italy to see his dad. loves boardwalks.

3 notes · View notes

artgirllullaby · 5 years

Text

The truth below this... “me”

So another year huh? And all I did was… mostly be absent.

Come on, I think by this point every single one out there who follow me noticed, either you’re close, far, if you follow for my work, fanfics, or whatever, you saw that last year I did pretty much… nothing.

That comes partially from procrastination, I won’t lie, but… There’s a whole lot that was happening that I kept out to very few, and when I say this I mean that even my parents, brothers and best friends didn’t know some stuff. Only recently I got better to get in contact and talk it out to them and say all the good and the horrible that had been on my mind.

And while I know most want to share the good that happened in 2018, I need to say it wasn’t that good year for me, and to get it out, I want to say it all out and be honest. Then I know there’s nothing I need to hide or be scared of sharing because… if there’s to be known, it’s just to click to read.

That’s why I’m writing this. And because of of the stuff here is very sensible and can be triggering to some, I’m putting on the below. So… avoid the triggers by reading the tags if you have any of them, and if you do but still wish to know how I am, feel free to contact me, ok? I assure things are better now, but if you need a bit more of ease, I don’t mind doing so.

If you decide not to read, just know It’s been a very hard thing on me, but I’m getting better and I’m taking care and getting help and trying my best to keep my hopes and myself up. I’m thankful you cared to read this and I understand if you can’t read any further because of the tags. Thank for considering yourself too and not taking a hit “for my sake”, it makes me actually happy that you consider putting yourself in the position to know where your limits are and to know you can’t go further. Proud of you, little one. If you feel like, don’t think twice before hitting my ask or inbox, ok? Hugs, thanks for being here still.

#personal #me #lullytalks #venting #anxiety #depression #stress #mentalinstability #TW #twseflharming #twsuicide #twanxiety #twdepression #twstress #twgad #twdd #triggering #Triggerwarning

For you who decided to click the button to continue reading anyway, Please remember I’m writing this at once and also that you’re free to stop at any signals of discomfort, unease or triggers. Thank you for taking time to read this anyways.

2018 had been many things, it had been fun and tiring and stressful, and even enjoyable for a bit. But as many other stuff in life, when silence keeps to long it can be taken as a bad omen to bad happenings.

If you ever played Jenga, then you know how it works; if you don’t, it’s basically taking a piece on the base and putting on top and hoping that it doesn’t break down in your turn. Which in the game is fun because you have to think over your decision to what piece to move and not move the tower and the pressure you have makes it fun… In real life? makes you wonder “why one takes the weight in the base of a structure to move to the top if that overweights the top which will obviously make the project/structure fail because the base cannot hold that weight and so it will go down eventually?!”

And well, that was my in 2018, a whole big game of Jenga in which my life are the pieces, and people around me are players as me and the game is ok to everyone but me.

Some of you know, I had a co-worker who had been basically unbearable to work with from the moment she found herself pregnant, and by the law the company can’t fire her until her baby is born and a bit older (around 6-7 months older she gets the licensed and secured), and so after her time secured was over the company did fire her because of her behaviour borderline toxic/abusive toward others. Things finally where getting a bit better with the substitute and things going better in company.

I had been having difficulties with my mother, who has becoming more controlling and hovering over me. If wasn’t enough our communication that was bad begins to go to ruin to worse, rotting to the point I’m back to when I was 15 and I saw her as a stranger. I try to change and get closer. Here is the funny thing about relationships, if doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, a lover, your soulmate, your husband, your sister, your parent, your cousin, your godmother, your father-in-law or whatever that person means to you, as an universal law, it takes both parts and effort to make it work and flow.

And there I was, trying to arrange something we do, we try to speak, to voice out things that hurt and annoys me for us to change for better, because that’s how it should work. One speaks, the other listen, then it’s their turn and so after both saying their sides they try to come in a middle term or a point they can agree on to live better and no one is bitter over the matter.

But that was not what happens. Mom takes the cards I lay on the table and use against me, she takes things on the past against me, she flips the table and now she’s being accused and she’s the victim and I’m the one who’s blind to see how hard she tries to make us all happy and ungrateful, on how I keep pulling distance and I stop talking and avoid talking. I’m the one who doesn’t know she gave up her college, to work and make an career on her own, that father comes tired and deserves to rest for working hard everyday to never miss anything at home, and that she has to bare my sister OCD and ADHD while I’m not there, that she has to keep the house well and do everything… And so, yet again, my voice is cut. I lose courage, my anxiety rises, and I’m afraid of saying anything to anyone, I’m afraid to be a burden, to bother anyone.

I laid on bed that night in silence as I stare at the blank wall and listen to whatever music is on my playlist. Because I know, I fucking know how much their lives could be different for a number of factors, one of them being the fact if I wasn’t born on the worst timing as I did, I know in numbers how much that could have changed, even if my father makes sure to assure me it’s nothing he regrets or I did wrong, I know it wasn’t planned and I know too, it could have changed everything.

Piece moved by mother, my turn is skipped. The player can’t play with shaking hands.

The temporary at work was dismissed, not because someone was finally contracted, but because the boss thought we could do without it. Now, how a company survive without it finances department? Yep, it doesn’t. So they pick someone they think they can reply on to do the job, and then guess what? There I am. Working with numbers and money and it’s stressing more and more since I really didn’t applied for this and it does make me nervous. Then I find a list of mistakes the temporary left and I have to fix, plus more work… and meanwhile I am doing that, my own work papers are there waiting in my table just piling up to the moment I finish up and go do them. Which makes me more stressed, because as long I take to do them, the rest of office needs to wait to keep the workflow. So there I am, working for two, being paid for one, getting some extra hours, and getting exhausted.

My boss moves another piece.

Therapist notice I’m getting more stressed, and things had been getting me easier and some triggers are getting back. I’m getting more and more unstable. She makes some tests and takes another look on my whole history with her on the last 2 years, she also takes a look on my medication and notice there was a change for a higher dose, and now it’s twice a day. She’s worried, she tell my parents to show up and talks to my father (cause mother didn’t show up - a piece of my Jenga went missing), only after a few more sessions she gives me a diagnosis: GAD, aka Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

I’m not progressing in my treatment, in fact, with everything going on with me, I got worse and instead of moving to eventually not need therapy, I need the sessions now more than ever.

My mind moves a base piece, the tower balance a bit.

Things continue going on, everyday begins to be harder and I find myself more tired. Sometimes I get home from work and just take a bath and sleep. I’m missing my appetite, I’m slowly cutting ties with friends and stop talking to them or most of them and taking distance without anyone noticing. I hardly access social media for exceptional to check a thing around here or there. I begin to get anxiety when I try to write once again and begin to be ashamed on myself and my cycle of self-punishment for not being able to write any longer or often, nor I have courage to say anyone besides the therapist all that’s going on.

Even so I try to make an apology and explain at least the part that because I’m working by two and being too stressed and tried is sadly taking out on my creativity, many agree and support and decide to give me the space am I thankful for… Still the two people I considered dearly as readers hurt deeply as I come to known their true meaning. That they already disliked the story on the point it is, that I should have just put as finished and given up and stop writing, and then suddenly other people who I didn’t even know begin to say things on the back and… I just wonder what happened to the respect and honesty I had asked from the beginning. To see so much hate suddenly going out of nowhere was surely discouraging, and on the state I was, I was not only discouraged as I was intimidated to even think on continuing.

Next thing I know is that just as my originals, I am unable to open any of my fanfictions and work on them. I shake, I break down on tears, I get too nervous, I’m unable to concentrate, I begin to question if they were right and if everyone else was just sorry of pitying on me or if they just played along. Then all the files stay in there with the originals, blocked in my unstable mind unable to product anything worthy.

Unknown people move some pieces, the tower shakes.

...

A week can be such a long period of time for some things, and a short for another and sometimes, for the very same reasons. To be fair I still don’t know to say if was a quick or a slow week since there are blanks in my memory and I just have the impact ones. But one thing I can tell for sure, it was a hell of a week.

Monday begins with my mother waking me up and hurrying up to get ready, she still doesn't notice that I’m not well. I try my best to get ready fast as I can, I take my purse to get in the car and get a ride to go to therapy and then go work. I open the door, she already took the car out and look at me; I just have to climb and it will be fine.

She look to me, than take a turn and accelerates the car, so there’s no time for me to catch up. And I am left there with my hand on the door looking on the empty place where I could have climbed the car just by few seconds, but she couldn’t wait because her class was more important than my therapy session. Because her appointment was more important than me in that moment there.

Another piece goes missing.

I’m taken by such sudden sadness and hurt that I wasn’t able to stand or breathe, I stay in the couch for a bit, my sister offer to take me to the therapist in her way to college, I just shake my head. I find out I got no voice, not even strength to talk or even look at her, but she shrugs and go. I somehow make to the bed and lay in there, sleeping. It’s the first time in 3 years I miss a day of work - I didn’t miss even when got sick -, I don’t talk to anyone, I don’t eat, I don’t have water, I don’t go out the bed, I just stay in there and sleep or stare at the blank wall trying to understand what is the feeling inside me. My therapist text me and I lie saying I had a problem, but will show up later in the week.

The next event is after I am able to speak better again, which I’m not sure if was next afternoon or two days. I walk into my therapist office and then find out my health insurance decided to cut the therapy sessions I still had, they want the word of any other doctor saying I do need the therapy and I need to do that in every 3 months or they won’t allow me to continue my treatment. I try to argue with them and reason that I wouldn’t be going if wasn’t necessary, still they say it’s a new rule to everyone so no exceptions. I can’t go to therapy, nor my therapist can treat me out her office, to pay each session it’s out my reach and I already pay for health insurance that should and does cover my treatment, so these rules make absolutely no sense… All I know is that I need my other endocrinologist to give me permission to get treatment, even if there’s nothing to do with her, and the appointment I have is a month away.

Health takes a piece. The tower starts shifting.

I make a huge mistake at work. Because my head isn’t in place I misunderstand the information I am given and end up messing up part of the payment I needed to do. I paid the wrong provider, the other one who does need the payment is stuck and now the central need to find a way to locate the other guy because until the right provider gets the payment he are getting behind track. I get stuck the whole day stuck between fixing my mistake, calming the provider and having to listen silently my boss calling me angrily for a solution.

Work moves a piece. The tower is barely standing.

It takes the next day to put my paperwork in order. the problem of paying the wrong provider still on going, but seems on a way to solution, so I could take a bit of time to focus on getting the work flowing and laughing in a way to avoiding to cry.

Last day of the week, so I can take a bit of rest, I just need hang in there a little bit. Just a few more hours and I could be home so another piece could go missing.

As we get home, my mother gets out. She starts arguing with me and father, ordering we don’t even leave the car, cause my sister needs assistance. I immediately think of the worst as she just is learning to drive and than my father replies it’s not that big deal the car failed her. I am between angry and confused, angry for worrying for a minute that it was something dangerous, confused to why my mother is making such a fuss over the car simply failing on my sister trying to turn it on and making such a fuss on having my father go there.

Things begin to scalates as she raises her voice and begins to argue with him and she tries to calm her, only making her angrier and then threatening to make a scandal and break the car window if he didn’t go. And then changing her mind to do it if he didn’t get out and let her go alone and get out the car.

Neighbors were already starting to look, I was the only in home by them aside the two, tired, getting triggered by all the stress and situation, anxious and then… something snapped.

The tower fell down as I touched to move a piece.

Somehow I took my mother hand and said determined enough for her to get in the car that they both should go. That I wanted them out the house, out of my reach and out the house. She listened by some miracle and I got inside breaking down right after before blanking out.

August 13rd, 2018. I probably won’t ever forget this date. It was a friday, I can remember clearly because it I just had laughed on the irony that it was a friday 13rd and it was being so bad on me at work. It was night and the dog was around me as if he sensed something was wrong… or he just wanted to go for a walk.

Things are blank, as if for the moment I broke down I wasn’t really there, like wasn’t me in my body, or taking control, or too shocked and overwhelmed to notice anything and just let it move and do whatever my brain decided it was best to.

Now that I used Jenga example I find it as a perfect example to explain that blank moment. It’s the moment a player found themselves holding or just after placing the piece and everything comes tumbling down, there’s a paralyzing moment that everyone around stay still in shock watching the tower fall in a mix of wonder and confusion to move only after all the pieces stopped to fall, then you and others try to evaluate how it failed the strategy before picking the pieces around to put the Jenga together again for another round.

That was that blank moment, the moment of wonder and confusion, of complete loss in which I lose myself and the control to the point I don’t even remember how things happened exactly.

All I know is that suddenly I had a knife on my hand and was standing on my kitchen and looking on my other arm.

;

I took one breath, I had went to the kitchen and started to something to relief myself. I took a second breath, I decided to hurt myself because the punishment of all my wrongs seemed like a way to relief back then. I took a third breath, I was just about to cut myself; I don’t know if would be a deep cut on my wrist, arms, lightly or whatever, but definitely wasn’t a good thing that I was up to take hurting myself to that point, and worse, to have no idea on how far I would have gone if I just suddenly get back into my senses in that seconds. I took another breath, I put the knife back in the drawer and close it.

I start to cry again, but for another reason.

Because it had been 10 years. Ten fucking years I had celebrated and considered successful just to find it this demon back again on me. I’m not just depressed and anxious as I thought. I’m back to when I was 15, in this very same kitchen when I sat in the table with a knife on a hand and a bunch of mixed medicines on the other side as I watched the clock and decided when I would put the end.

I’m suicidal again.

;

It’s enough, and I’m done. I just… couldn’t. I put myself on bed, in a way of self-grounding, I decide I will not leave the bed for the next days or talk to anyone unless necessary. And I did well, because I seriously had no idea what I would be able to do if I left that bed in the state I was.

Only in the third day I speak to my closest friends about it all and get some relief, I listen to music to try keep my heart from failing me. I am unable to be back on me again for months, I get back on therapy. I get diagnosis that my depression got in the stage of Deep Depression and at this point, my therapist alone isn’t able to do much alone. I’m somewhere between trying to recover and accepting things are just as they are. She recommends me to get assistance in a group with my family and send to my father, I decide to give a try even if not giving much hope.

My father doesn’t receive the message. Therapist mistook for my mother number and sent to her, my mother dismiss the message and says it’s no big deal and I should not mind about it. I feel hurt she dismissed so easily without talking or even looking up to it, but on the other side I’m also accepting the fact she doesn’t take me as her daughter anymore. And little by little I realize that’s not just something from my mind, as she doesn’t talk that much with me, but with a friend she has with my age and often tries and offer help to her, and then there’s me there. I set in my mind I need to leave home so she can take the daughter she wants to adopt in, and because I need my own air.

My father realizes I’m not well and that my relationship with mother is going from bad to worse to even breaking. He tries to help, my therapist call her in once again to try warn her and tell her. She avoids and miss the meet ups just like a thief runs from the police, and I decide that if she’s not even trying at all, then I won’t either.

My medicine changes to twice a day, I’m still bad, but with therapy back I’m getting a bit better by the days. I decide to travel alone in my vacation to somewhere new and where I know no one and no one knows me.

So I find myself in Curitiba in December.

The city is pretty and with gentle people with smiles and colors around, or so I’ve seen. Maybe it was the feeling that I had space for myself, that I could take a breath and not worry about it. Which also led myself to taking a walk in the grass.

Bad things happened still, true, but to be sincerely? The worst has passed for now, other still to come and, it’s ok in a way. I’ll fall down and cry and be on the ground for a while as I need, and then take my time to recover and look up and be able to talk about too.

So it may had been I took a blind eye to the world and to the rest of you, but the truth is that I don’t. But it’s hard to discuss when there’s too much pain and hurt inside you. and as much it was egoist of me to focus on myself and turn my back to the world, sometimes is necessary. and I learned that now, sometimes it is necessary to be egoist in reason to get better and it’s ok, as long you do get better and know where are your principles.

Taking the trip made me realize that. It also make me realize that taking a time away for yourself, taking a bit to breathe is ok. That my absence in order to not hurt anyone else might have been a void, but was a void necessary for me. I needed to relearn that taking a time to walk on the grass, to look in the sky, take a breath, to look around and take a moment in life… to do any of that wouldn’t destroy the world or anyone else.

The world wouldn’t end because I needed a break. No one would die because I wasn’t able to finish or accomplish something as I wish, just as no one died so far. the one one who has been dying with all this it had been me, killing myself slowly inside out.

Now I do realize that. I’m still far from recovering, I do realize that and know very well, I still have depression episodes and anxiety attacks often, I’m still on a long way to say I’m alright. Maybe I’m never gonna be 100% fine or sane per say, maybe some part of me will always have anxiety and depression because of my brain or whatever but… I hope in that in my lowest moments I am able to look at this moment where Lullaby wrote this about the real me and I can remember to step down a bit.

I’m 25 now, I celebrated 10 years over giving up on suicide when I was 15, and after that… even if I still have suicidal traces for now and dealing with them, and even if I had a recent episode… I guess I can celebrate and count over again, so in ten year I can celebrate 2 times, right? This may be stupid and sound optimist but really… It’s just me trying to take the needle of good in the pile of garbage this all had been. Doesn’t erase the garbage and all it had been, just... trying to desperately find a little thing useful so I can say it wasn’t all Hell and throw it away like I did with my teenage years.

So this is it. I was absent and I’m recovering, right now I’m trying to get on track of writing and reading again. I am 25, diagnosed with Deep Depression, GAD, I have to take medicine to keep in control. I have to change jobs and hope to do soon. I try as much to listen and comfort everyone and make laughs because the last I want if to anyone else to feel the way I do.

And with that being said, I can breathe out and finally put the last year as it is: the past.

As I always say, let’s prepare for the bad and always hope for the best, and onwards to 2019. :)

#personal #me #lullytalks #venting #anxiety #depression #stress #mentalinstability #TW #twseflharming #twsuicide #twsuicidal #tw: suidice #tw: suicidal thoughs #twanxiety #twdepression #triggering #triggerwarning #triger warning

6 notes · View notes

radioactive-synth · 5 years

Note

Also also also: Part 2 for Vaughn aaand part 6 for Tamir?

Vaughn

How would you describe your childhood in general?

'I consider that I had a good childhood, especially when my father wasn't at home. But overall, without him in the scene, all was good'

What is your earliest memory?

'I still remember when mom sang to me that lullaby when I was a small kid. That song is special for me, and I still ask her to sing it to me. I also sing it to Oliver when he can't sleep.'

How much schooling have you had?

'I went through kindergarden, to school, high school and university.'

Did you enjoy school?

'Yes! I really enjoy learning, and school was really one of my favorites period of time'

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

'Mostly from my mom and my uncle. Mom taught me a lot about medical stuff even before I went to school. And I learned cooking from both mom and uncle.'

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

'Yes, mom and uncle were my role models. My mom is kind, gentle and always willing to help anyone. Even today, I consider her my role model. As for my uncle, he was a great man, very caring, funny, resilient and always looking for others. He did took the role of dad for me, as my father failed at this role.'

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

'For me, family only meant my mom, uncle and my cousin, Vincent. I never considered my father family, even that he was married to mom, and was my uncle's brother. But with the rest, we were very close to each other. I...really miss those days sometimes.'

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

'I wanted to be a doctor! And my dream became true when I became family doctor.'

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

'Playing, reading, learning. Usual activities. Sometimes cooking.'

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

'I was curious and maybe a bit of mischief, but mostly the last part cause of my cousin. We were good kids! But you know... small kids aren't always staying in just one place all the time.'

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

'I really... didn't had many friends. I was kind of shy and anxious about others. My cousin was the closest friend I had.'

When and with whom was your first kiss?

'Oh, wow, I really... don't remember well. But it was during high school, with a classmate. But it was more for fun.'

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

'I'm not, and I think I done it first time in either first or second year of university. It was a nice girl, but the relationship didn't held for long.'

If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

'Influences I had in the past that help me survive and help others are my medical knowledge and the work out exercises I done. My cousin had the idea to train together. I guess brute force and medical knowledge are two esential things to survive out there. Oh, and cooking also!'

Tamir

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

'Playing cards! Or practice shooting. Or anything that seems fun'

What is your most treasured possession?

'Rex! He my best friend, and love him a lot'

What is your favorite color?

'Red!'

What is your favorite food?

'Me no pretentious at food. But like apples a lot!'

What, if anything, do you like to read?

'Medical books. Need to know a lot of stuff for medicine. Always can help someone.'

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

'Music and cards. Always a good combination.'

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

'Whiskey and vodka. Used to use chems before but give up. Not giving up on whiskey and vodka. Maybe.'

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

'Out in a bar or casino.'

What makes you laugh?

'Jokes! But no puns, me not like them.'

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

'No shocks me, but me hate people who says me too dumb. Me trying to be better!'

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

'Go out and explore. Or just walking. It calms me down if just walk around.'

How do you deal with stress?

'No good, me wanna punch or destroy something. Rex calms me down better.'

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

'Wild card! Never plan anything, always living the moment.'

What are your pet peeves?

'Humans who order, or who think they smarter than me, or who act superior than others.'

thanks ;)

#radioactiveandraste

1 note · View note

oddeyesarcpendulumdragon · 6 years

Photo

Arc V Anniversary Discussion Day 21: Self-Insert/OC Day

So this got long, and i’ll divide it into some categories lol. First, shipping babies! Because I can never have enough of those!!

all under the cut cause it’s so long fuck

Pendulumshipping

Sakaki Keahi: the oldest and one of the two Sakaki children who follow into professional dueling. Reiji and Yuya both help her find ways of navigating an action field to accommodate her paralyzed legs, both with Reiji’s technology and adaptive devices he designs for her, and Yuya teaching her how to trust her monsters to help move her across the stage if she needs a hand. Keahi is very much a big sister, always mothering her little sisters and nagging at even her friends. Most of her friends affectionately call her ‘mom.’

Sakaki Kouki: is very much more technologically focused, and she likes to tinker with Solid Vision and stuff. She’s a shy girl who has trouble socializing. She’s also gender questioning, currently iding as a trans girl.

Sakaki Ray: Kouki’s twin sister. Ray is determined to follow in both her sister’s, father’s, and namesake’s footsteps in order to become the world’s best entertainment duelist. She’s super emotional and tends to be really hard on herself when she messes things up, but she’s also very determined. She’s Way into Riding Duels and actually feels more comfortable with those than with Entertainment Duels in the end because there’s less to live up to

Sakaki Sakura: Sakura is the youngest, a precocious seven year old who wants to be a princess astronaut. Her favorite things to do are watch her sisters duel and play dress up, especially with papa’s big scarf as a cape.

All four girls have the ability to see and hear duel monsters.

Darkrebelshipping

Kurosaki Fukuro: the older twin.

Kurosaki Yugao: the younger twin. (Yugo tries to be upset that Yugao’s name is so close to his, and Yuto starts to accidentally call the two of them each other’s names, but he loves his “niece and nephew” so he can’t be too mad lol.)

Fukuro and Yugao are both generally quiet, though Yugao is definitely the more assertive of the two. They like to sit at home and draw, mostly, but they are also rabid fans of various tv shows and if you want them to be loud, get the two of them in a shipping argument. They usually have different tastes in ships and they will fight each other to the death over them lol. In general these two are a couple of fucking anime weebs. They’re also fucking hot topic nerds (what do you expect when they have shun and yuto as dads)

Appleshipping

Sho Sakaki-Atlas: takes after them in loving mechanical stuff and fixing things. Sho adores machines and they are always getting messy working on them or getting in trouble because they completely don’t pay attention to anything except whatever project they’re hyperfocusing on.

Yumi Sakaki-Atlas: Yumi is the younger of the two, and she’s less interested in building motorcycles as she is in riding them. She’s very much a daredevil like her father and likes to go on joyrides a lot.

Rin and Yugo argued for hours about what surname to end up taking, Yoko’s or Jack’s, because Yoko basically adopted them but Jack also did kinda unofficially adopt them too and was willing to let them use his name. They dueled for it and it ended in a tie.

Stealthshipping

Shiunin Hotaru: a very cheerful, exuberant girl who is excited about everything. Everything is an adventure to her and she has very little sense of trouble, often sticking her nose into things she shoulded. The younger twin.

Shiunin Amaya: a lot more cautious than Hotaru after her time with the Fuma Clan. She can be haughty and full of herself, but she’s also very much recovering from what she went through at the hands of the Fumas, which makes her try to act a lot stronger and more confident than she actually often is.

Both girls are actually Tsuki’s sister’s kids, but after her husband died in an accident and she herself contracted terminal cancer, she begged Tsuki to take them so that the Fumas couldn’t claim them. Hotaru they managed to get, but Amaya was taken away by the Fuma Clan for several years before they could retrieve her.

Those were the only kiddos i had the time/energy to doodle, but here’s a few others that I have!

Speaking of Tsuki’s sister, here’s a few more OCs that I came up with to fill out characters’ families/backstories:

Chizaki (Fuma) Kanon: Tsukikage and Hikage’s older sister. She fled the Fuma clan when they were kids to avoid being executed for getting pregnant with someone outside the family, promising to come back for her brothers one day. She ultimately was never able to get back to them until she saw Tsukikage listed as one of the Lancers. She died of cancer a few years after finally reconnecting with her brothers.

Hojo Gekko: Reiji’s cousin from his mother’s side; the Hojo family is incredibly rich and tied to the Fuma family since feudal Japan. He’s a scarily powerful young man even though he’s the younger brother, and Tsukikage was supposed to be sworn to serve him when he turned 18 before Reiji snapped up both brothers himself. He’s a scary and possessive person.

Hojo Nikko: Reiji’s cousin and Gekko’s older brother. He doesn’t give a shit about the Fuma clan anymore and would prefer to leave their archaic connection in the past. He’s the current owner and CEO of the Hojo Corporation.

Kurosaki Chae-won: Shun and Ruri’s mother, an exuberant and excitable woman who is excessively supportive.

Kurosaki Airi: Shun and Ruri’s other mother, slightly more lowkey than Chae-won, but not by much. Loves her kids to death and embarrasses them daily.

Kunori Mao: Yuto’s mother, a quiet and kind young woman who has raised Yuto by herself. Becomes close friends with the Kurosaki moms.

And here’s some of Yoko’s gang members which I came up with for a fic that i will write eventually, whom y’all probably saw already if you saw my art submission for the “gang” prompt earlier this month.

Maeda Maiko: Yoko’s first gf, a rough and tumble kinda girl, but also very fun-loving.

Kobayashi Hikaru: easygoing, tends the bar and helps the girls sort out their problems; can’t usually be bothered to do any of the actual fighting, but when there’s someone in trouble, you don’t want to be on her bad side.

Watanabe Honoka: formerly a rival who was won over by Yoko, she’s a bit of a wild card and is more interested in picking fights than winning them

Katou Satomi: a matronly woman who’s sweet nature belies her dangerous skills. Often smiling.

Fujioka Tomiko: a small and ferocious girl who loves joy-riding.

Oshiro Kiku: a nervous girl from a rich family who was once trapped in a relationship with another gang leader before Yoko destroyed the gang, she hangs out with the Shooting Stars to feel safer and helps run their finances.

And finally.....I gotta shout out my self-insert, cause of course I have one of those:

Hale Reiser: an American college student on a study abroad in Japan, she’s dazzled out of her low emotional period by Yuya’s duel against Strong Ishijima, and decides to take up dueling to emulate him. When the truth of the dimensional war comes out, she joins a program to train at-home Lancers in case of a home invasion. At some point she meets Grace Tyler and all of my self-indulgent fantasies of dating Grace come to fruition.

#arcvanniversary #pendulumshipping #darkrebelshipping #appleshipping #stealthshipping #yugioh arc v #original characters #shipping children #digital

46 notes · View notes

miishae-archived · 6 years

Text

Copied and pasted from an old rp blog of mine, that I feel is very important to read:

Question I was asked: ❝MAY I ASK SOMETHING ABOUT AUTISM AND THE COMMUNITY? I KNOW YOU CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR YOURSELF SO I WILL KEEP IT MORE CENTERED TI YOUR PERSONAL PREFERENCES AND WHAT YOU'VE SEEN TO BE A GENERAL CONSENSUS?❞

Not very many people are aware what Autism or even Autism Spectrum Disorder is. Honestly, I’ve seen a lot of people tend to think of it as “diaper wearing, drooling idiots”

I’m going to start off by talking about my own personality first, and why it should not be outright dismissed as being ‘oversensitive’.

I am on the spectrum disorder. I’m very high functioning, as in, I am able to live on my own, with a boyfriend. I’m able to work, I’m able to walk around in society without causing a disturbance. But just because I appear ‘normal’ doesn’t mean I am.

I’m very very awkward. I get emotional and burnt out really quickly, especially in social situations. I don’t like physical contact, and I don’t like people yapping at me constantly. This is sensory overload. I get tired and cranky, and a lot of times am seen as rude for this.

This is just the tip of the iceberg for how little people understand autism. I constantly have to point it out, because even my loved ones don’t understand me. I can talk to someone over and over about not touching me or shutting up for awhile and giving me some space, and they’d just ask me a lot of questions that really don’t need answering.

I don’t talk much, and it’s not because I’m shy or introverted. I was originally diagnosed with having Nonverbal Learning Disorder, and while I don’t know if that is an outdated diagnosis or not, it aptly describes my social skills still. Link

How it relates to me personally though: I suck at social cues. I suck at maintaining eye contact, I don’t read body language well, and I tend to be brutally honest to a fault. What I think is a reasonable and fair statement can come across as rude and offensive to someone else. It was not my intention to be rude, and since people would rather be offended and passive aggressive, I don’t know how else to word things and I’m sorry, but you need to work with me and not shut down on me. How else am I going to learn how to interact with you?

I’m also incredibly literal minded. I know on tumblr it seems like I’m sarcastic and witty, and I know I crack a lot of jokes, but you would not believe the amount of times I’ve had to go to someone off tumblr and ask “what did this person mean? I don’t understand.”

It’s literally because I don’t understand you. I don’t get a lot of metaphors or jokes, and everyone else will be laughing and I’m sitting over here like “I don’t get it?” and no one wants to explain the joke because “I mean, it’s obvious!” No, it isn’t. Not to me.

I also tend to get hung up on certain things for long periods of time. I hate change in my routine. I hate changing things up because honesty: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But as far as ‘obsessions’ go? Video games comes to mind. I could tell you all about the Borderlands series and how it’s a great game filled with fan-fucking-tastic characters and how it’s an entire world built on survival and it’s dystopian and cyberpunk and-

Or I could tell you when I was a kid and the LOTR moves first came out, I was obsessed with them. I launched into repeated lectures about how the behind-the-scenes worked, or how they did this camera trick, or why that scene was the best to film, and OH did you know Viggo Mortensen was not the original Aragorn? He was called in last minute and only came on because his son was a huge fan and pushed his dad into filming.

I know no one actually cares, but I still care. If you let me talk about something I care about, I will TALK.

This is just the personality side of autism. How ableism comes into play is very subtle. And everyone can be ableist. Friends and family who come to me asking to understand, only to say “okay cool” and forget about it ten minutes later.

I have friends who casually throw around the R-slur. I catch myself using it from time to time, and I’m desperately working to unlearn it. But that word is so heavily used by so many people, and it’s so insulting to hear it thrown around so casually. But worse than that are the people who actually use ‘autism’ as a slur.

“A guy complaining about being friendzoned? He’s autistic.”

“If you play Minecraft you’re autistic I don’t make the rules.”

First off, statements like these are annoying, because they lump a good majority of people into one category, and second off, it’s assumed that people who are autistic are drooling idiots.

There’s a reason it’s a fucking spectrum, okay? I know quite a few people who are on the spectrum, and I’ve heard of other people who are on the spectrum. Everyone has different levels of coping and living. I’m not my cousin, who does need help, because he can’t function on his own.

I’m probably worse off than someone who can hold a stable job and learn to drive and fully function, and I admit that I do need my hand held on some things.

It’s quite possible to unlearn your way of thinking. Quit throwing around slurs as insults. They’re insulting, and frankly, tired. If you want to insult someone, there are far more creative ways to do so.

But it’s not just insults that are the problem. It’s people not caring enough. It’s people who feel the need to speak over us. You don’t get to tell me what I can or can’t find insulting. Frankly, I can’t stand blanket “these words are ableist” lists, because more often than not, they’re written by neurotypicals who are trying to appear Woke™, except that they argue with actual NDs who disagree with their assessment.

Also, and this is a BIG ONE FOR ME

DO NOT ASSUME EVERYONE WITH AUTISM IS A CHILD. I am so tired of seeing mental health awareness posts right here on fucking TUMBLR, of all places, with messages for children. I am 33 years old. I’m so far from a child or even a teenager, and I feel like putting my hair in pigtails and wearing little jumpers every time I see one of these super condescending PSAs about mental health awareness or autism awareness. Adults with autism exist, please quit excluding us in your misguided efforts to raise awareness.

I do agree that it’s not my job to educate you. You can ask questions, and I can answer, but I’m not your encyclopedia source. There are tons of helpful links and websites you can go to learn more about autism, spectrum disorder, and anything else that might be linked.

That being said, don’t go the opposite direction and completely ignore its existence. By ignoring it, you’re only contributing to the rampancy that ableism is. It’s very real and very damaging. It’s big things, like me being denied food stamps in my state because they didn’t believe I was disabled and I couldn’t get proof without them wanting to assign a counselor and them wanting to thrust me into the working world anyway (which was the whole reason I mentioned I was autistic, because I need fucking help?) and little things like “You’re too sensitive, just deal with it.”

Ask questions. Look up resources. Not just for autism, but for anything related to mental health or physical health. Ableism is rampant in able-bodied people too. My brother in law is in a wheelchair and faces quite a bit of ableism himself.

All this being said, please please watch how you talk/interact with people. Much like I need to learn social cues and how to interact with you, You guys need to understand that my personality isn’t going to change. This is literally who I am, and who I always will be, so you have to be patient. You have to recognize that I’m trying, and I’m not perfect.

And most importantly of all I guess, we’re not disabled. We’re different. We think differently, and we act a little off. But we’re not bad people. Not all of us, at least. (There are people who play up the “I’m-disabled-be-nice-to-me card” and they should be held accountable for their horrible actions)

Personally, I’m trying. I’m tired, and exhausted, and lonely. I have next to nobody to rely on, and I know I have a lifetime of learning how to behave better ahead of me, and I’m just tired. but I’m still hanging in there, in the best way I know how: by being me. If I can educate myself and learn about how ableism is a problem, so can you.

#autism #ableism #personal experiences #adults with autism #actually autistic

1 note · View note

shitpostinglol · 3 years

Text

It's been exactly 1 month since I got tested positive for the Novel Corona Virus and what a month it has been. It all started when my dad developed recurring fever ever since he got vaccinated, he initially thought it was typhoid because no other symptoms of covid-19 were visible. On 13th april I started having severe backache and headache, I initially thought it was because of my periods however I got fever around evening which didn't subside till the next day.

After this we thought of getting ourselves tested for corona virus on 15th, we went to the district hospital they told us that my dad was negative and I was positive, so to confirm it we got tested again at the CMO office Barabanki, this time all three of us, mom dad and me tested positive .

We were given medical kits which had all the medicines and prescription. Our names were updated on the database and a link was given where we could download our report.

Hell broke loose that day. We came back home and decided to isolate my brother who we thought was negative for this virus. We sent him to buy us some medicines and steamer till we freshen up and settle everything. He came back with the supplies and immediately fell down on the bed, I noticed this and checked his temperature, he had 103 Fahrenheit fever. My mother started to get fever and when we measured it was 102. This was our DAY 1 of several days of hopelessness and misery that was gonna follow.

DAY 2- Everyone woke up with fever, my mom was blacking out so I made her sit, I started blacking out so I somehow gave her water and sat down to drink some water myself. Dad and my brother woke up later but dad and me were doing better than my mom and my brother. I took the charge, after drinking water I felt better so I made us all some breakfast so we could take our medicines. After breakfast and medicine I somehow broomed the house and prepared for lunch.

Proper diet and nutrition are a major part of fighting this disease. Turns out preparing for these meals was even more of a fight. The dishes was a major chore that often looked like a huge mountain. Whenever the fever got a bit better my Mom would wake up and do the dishes somehow. Sweeping was done on alternate days by me.

This schedule continued till 4 -5 more days until someone suggested to get tiffins for food. Meanwhile my morning fever was getting better but for my parents it was only getting worse. On some days the fever didn't subside at all and both of them got weak day by day. My brother also struggled with the same, along with this he developed severe diarrhea which made him weak and exhausted. My dad developed really bad cough, he would cough all day so bad that his back and stomach had started to hurt.

The worst part about these days was that we had no personal doctor who would listen to us, we were mostly self medicating based on the kit we had received -

Dolo 650mg and 500mg

Azithromycin

Doxycyclene

Vitamin C and Zinc supplements

Ivermectin 12mg for 3 days

We felt so hopeless because no one would pick our phone up and talk to us. Tell us that everything will be okay.

After a few days my mom got us a doctor through her friend who would talk and give us guidance on our medication. Some hope was found.

After my brother my mother got severe diarrhea, someone had told us to not take metrogyl 400 for it and let it pass. We thought it would subside on its own without medication but it didn't, it just got worse, she had to go to the bathroom 5-6 times a day, everything she ate was out, the fever medication didn't work so the fever didn't come down for a few days. She was so weak she couldn't lift her head up. Her oxygen got to 94.

This was the most scared I had ever been. The news outside was scary, hospitals filling up, no beds, no ICU, no plasma. I started taking screenshot of everything, oxygen refillment, ICU beds everything.

I couldn't eat I couldn't think of anything else except the worse. I had started imagining my life without my parents. I had anxiety all the time. Checking oxygen level was the scariest thing for me. But we had to. We had to monitor. We could not panic. I started to pray in my head all day. I was driving myself crazy. I was broken both mentally and physically.

Finally the doctor we had got in contact with told us to get metrogyl for the diarrhea. We gave her it was a temporary relief. From 5-6 times a day it came to 3-4 times a day. Still a very weak and hopeless mom and a very tired and scared dad. Finally my brother's fever started subsiding it didn't come back after it started subsiding but he was still very weak from the diarrhea.

Our relatives were super supportive through this as well as few of my mom's friends. She felt better when she talked to people. My mom's siblings called regularly, my cousin brother who lives nearby helped us with medicines and groceries. These were the angels in our lives that we needed.

Because of the tiffin service the daily chores were reduced which gave our bodies more time to rest. My schedule was to wake up and make kaadha, lemon water and tea, give mom hot lemon water followed after some time by tea and parle g biscuit so she could have her paracetamol. The antibiotics were given after breakfast. She took paracetamol a bit early so that the fever could start subsiding. After this I made breakfast somehow and make everyone eat some for their morning medicine.

Breakfast was mostly parathas, namkeen sevai, poha. I would mostly pull up a chair and sit and make all this. After breakfast everyone would rest till lunch came around 12. Everyone had a bath and ate lunch followed by medicines again followed by a resting period. Usually during this time mom felt a little better as fever came down, so she would do the dishes around 4pm. Evening snacks were mostly tea with some namkeen we had. Nobody really had an appetite or sense of taste so food intake was quite a struggle. Around this time everyone took steam. Dinner tiffin would come around 8pm and so would their fever so everyone had an early dinner to take medicine on time. Sometimes when the fever didn't go during the night they had another paracetamol around 4am.

The diarrhea relapsed to 5-6 times a day for my mom so my uncle suggested that she eats curd and khichdi only and stops eating the tiffin food. Metrogyl was discontinued then after few days had to be continued again. Oxygen levels were improved. Our main concern was the fever. When would it stop.

I prayed every night that the next morning my mom should not have fever, but she did.

Conditions started improving when the diarrhea got a bit better. The medicines were changed frequently according to the doctors advice. We felt heard and hopefull because of our doctor who treated us.

On slight improvements in health we started celebrating and making jokes to create a positive environment at home. The news on TV was morbid and by now most of my relatives were also suffering. I ordered playing cards on Amazon and a head massager. I started making jokes around trying to lighted up the environment.

Slowly my mother started to improve, now our main concern was dad and his cough. He coughed on and on I thought his lungs were badly affected so it would be better to get a X Ray . However the situation was so worse outside.

The doctor changed the medicines again for both of them, after a few days both started to improve.

Today things are much much better. I dont wake up at 6, I wake up at 8 because my mom already does all the morning stuff. The schedule these days is much better and healthier, consisting of pranayam, breathing exercises, steam intake fruits all sorts twice a day and proper breakfast lunch and dinner. My parents still have some post covid blues like weakness and lethargy. For my dad his diabetes shot up so we are currently taking care of that. Things are slowly getting back to normal.

Many precautions have to taken post covid recovery too, don't stop taking steam, don't exercise too much it might cause a heart attack, do not go out without masks thinking about your antibodies count as the chance of reinfection hi really high.

Please take care of yourself and everyone around you. I have seen so many people loose so much, many of my friends lost their parents and uncles to this. This pandemic has caused a permanent damage to so many that is hard to forget.

Be grateful for what you have right now. Your family your job everything. Appreciate your gifts. Things will get better.

I don't know if anyone will find this but if you do

- get yourself tested as soon as you experience your first symptom

-DO NOT PANIC

- Do not overdose on medication take them as and when prescribed.

- Do not loose hope. Rest as much as you can. Things will get better.

- Try and do not think about other people's misery, I can understand too much has been lost in a very few days but try and focus on yourself.

- Do not stress about work or future or money, everything will come if you get better.

- Communicate and Distract yourself, if you don't have an appetite watch some food videos on YouTube and eat. It helped me.

- Be proud of yourself for overcoming this❤️

0 notes

thefortyeightlawsofpower-blog · 7 years

Text

LAW # 20 : DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYONE

JUDGEMENT

It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others—playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

PART I: DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYONE, BUT BE COURTED BY ALL

If you allow people to feel they possess you to any degree, you lose all power over them. By not committing your affections, they will only try harder to win you over. Stay aloof and you gain the power that comes from their attention and frustrated desire. Play the Virgin Queen: Give them hope but never satisfaction.

OBSERVANCE OF THE LAW

When Queen Elizabeth I ascended the throne of England, in 1558, there was much to-do about her finding a husband. The issue was debated in Parliament, and was a main topic of conversation among Englishmen of all classes; they often disagreed as to whom she should marry, but everyone thought she should marry as soon as possible, for a queen must have a king, and must bear heirs for the kingdom. The debates raged on for years. Meanwhile the most handsome and eligible bachelors in the realm—Sir Robert Dudley, the Earl of Essex, Sir Walter Raleigh—vied for Elizabeth’s hand. She did not discourage them, but she seemed to be in no hurry, and her hints as to which man might be her favorite often contradicted each other. In 1566, Parliament sent a delegation to Elizabeth urging her to marry before she was too old to bear children. She did not argue, nor did she discourage the delegation, but she remained a virgin nonetheless.

The delicate game that Elizabeth played with her suitors slowly made her the subject of innumerable sexual fantasies and the object of cultish worship. The court physician, Simon Forman, used his diary to describe his dreams of deflowering her. Painters represented her as Diana and other goddesses. The poet Edmund Spenser and others wrote eulogies to the Virgin Queen. She was referred to as “the world’s Empresse,” “that virtuous Virgo” who rules the world and sets the stars in motion. In conversation with her, her many male suitors would employ bold sexual innuendo, a dare that Elizabeth did not discourage. She did all she could to stir their interest and simultaneously keep them at bay.

Throughout Europe, kings and princes knew that a marriage with Elizabeth would seal an alliance between England and any nation. The king of Spain wooed her, as did the prince of Sweden and the archduke of Austria. She politely refused them all.

The great diplomatic issue of Elizabeth’s day was posed by the revolt of the Flemish and Dutch Lowlands, which were then possessions of Spain. Should England break its alliance with Spain and choose France as its main ally on the Continent, thereby encouraging Flemish and Dutch independence ? By 1570 it had come to seem that an alliance with France would be England’s wisest course. France had two eligible men of noble blood, the dukes of Anjou and Alençon, brothers of the French king. Would either of them marry Elizabeth? Both had advantages, and Elizabeth kept the hopes of both alive. The issue simmered for years. The duke of Anjou made several visits to England, kissed Elizabeth in public, even called her by pet names; she appeared to requite his affections. Meanwhile, as she flirted with the two brothers, a treaty was signed that sealed peace between France and England. By 1582 Elizabeth felt she could break off the courtship. In the case of the duke of Anjou in particular, she did so with great relief: For the sake of diplomacy she had allowed herself to be courted by a man whose presence she could not stand and whom she found physically repulsive. Once peace between France and England was secure, she dropped the unctuous duke as politely as she could.

By this time Elizabeth was too old to bear children. She was accordingly able to live the rest of her life as she desired, and she died the Virgin Queen. She left no direct heir, but ruled through a period of incomparable peace and cultural fertility.

Interpretation

Elizabeth had good reason not to marry: She had witnessed the mistakes of Mary Queen of Scots, her cousin. Resisting the idea of being ruled by a woman, the Scots expected Mary to marry and marry wisely. To wed a foreigner would be unpopular; to favor any particular noble house would open up terrible rivalries. In the end Mary chose Lord Darnley, a Catholic. In doing so she incurred the wrath of Scotland’s Protestants, and endless turmoil ensued.

Elizabeth knew that marriage can often lead to a female ruler’s undoing: By marrying and committing to an alliance with one party or nation, the queen becomes embroiled in conflicts that are not of her choosing, conflicts which may eventually overwhelm her or lead her into a futile war. Also, the husband becomes the de facto ruler, and often tries to do away with his wife the queen, as Darnley tried to get rid of Mary. Elizabeth learned the lesson well. She had two goals as a ruler: to avoid marriage and to avoid war. She managed to combine these goals by dangling the possibility of marriage in order to forge alliances. The moment she committed to any single suitor would have been the moment she lost her power. She had to emanate mystery and desirability, never discouraging anyone’s hopes but never yielding.

Through this lifelong game of flirting and withdrawing, Elizabeth dominated the country and every man who sought to conquer her. As the center of attention, she was in control. Keeping her independence above all, Elizabeth protected her power and made herself an object of worship.

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married.

Queen Elizabeth I, 1533-1603

KEYS TO POWER

Since power depends greatly on appearances, you must learn the tricks that will enhance your image. Refusing to commit to a person or group is one of these. When you hold yourself back, you incur not anger but a kind of respect. You instantly seem powerful because you make yourself ungraspable, rather than succumbing to the group, or to the relationship, as most people do. This aura of power only grows with time: As your reputation for independence grows, more and more people will come to desire you, wanting to be the one who gets you to commit. Desire is like a virus: If we see that someone is desired by other people, we tend to find this person desirable too.

The moment you commit, the magic is gone. You become like everyone else. People will try all kinds of underhanded methods to get you to commit. They will give you gifts, shower you with favors, all to put you under obligation. Encourage the attention, stimulate their interest, but do not commit at any cost. Accept the gifts and favors if you so desire, but be careful to maintain your inner aloofness. You cannot inadvertently allow yourself to feel obligated to anyone.

Remember, though: The goal is not to put people off, or to make it seem that you are incapable of commitment. Like the Virgin Queen, you need to stir the pot, excite interest, lure people with the possibility of having you. You have to bend to their attention occasionally, then—but never too far.

The Greek soldier and statesman Alcibiades played this game to perfection. It was Alcibiades who inspired and led the massive Athenian armada that invaded Sicily in 414 B.C. When envious Athenians back home tried to bring him down by accusing him of trumped-up charges, he defected to the enemy, the Spartans, instead of facing a trial back home. Then, after the Athenians were defeated at Syracuse, he left Sparta for Persia, even though the power of Sparta was now on the rise. Now, however, both the Athenians and the Spartans courted Alcibiades because of his influence with the Persians; and the Persians showered him with honors because of his power over the Athenians and the Spartans. He made promises to every side but committed to none, and in the end he held all the cards.

If you aspire to power and influence, try the Alcibiades tactic: Put yourself in the middle between competing powers. Lure one side with the promise of your help; the other side, always wanting to outdo its enemy, will pursue you as well. As each side vies for your attention, you will immediately seem a person of great influence and desirability. More power will accrue to you than if you had rashly committed to one side. To perfect this tactic you need to keep yourself inwardly free from emotional entanglements, and to view all those around you as pawns in your rise to the top. You cannot let yourself become the lackey for any cause.

In the midst of the 1968 U.S. presidential election, Henry Kissinger made a phone call to Richard Nixon’s team. Kissinger had been allied with Nelson Rockefeller, who had unsuccessfully sought the Republican nomination. Now Kissinger offered to supply the Nixon camp with valuable inside information on the negotiations for peace in Vietnam that were then going on in Paris. He had a man on the negotiating team keeping him informed of the latest developments. The Nixon team gladly accepted his offer.

At the same time, however, Kissinger also approached the Democratic nominee, Hubert Humphrey, and offered his aid. The Humphrey people asked him for inside information on Nixon and he supplied it. “Look,” Kissinger told Humphrey’s people, “I’ve hated Nixon for years.” In fact he had no interest in either side. What he really wanted was what he got: the promise of a high-level cabinet post from both Nixon and Humphrey. Whichever man won the election, Kissinger’s career was secure.

The winner, of course, was Nixon, and Kissinger duly went on to his cabinet post. Even so, he was careful never to appear too much of a Nixon man. When Nixon was reelected in 1972, men much more loyal to him than Kissinger were fired. Kissinger was also the only Nixon high official to survive Watergate and serve under the next president, Gerald Ford. By maintaining a little distance he thrived in turbulent times.

Those who use this strategy often notice a strange phenomenon: People who rush to the support of others tend to gain little respect in the process, for their help is so easily obtained, while those who stand back find themselves besieged with supplicants. Their aloofness is powerful, and everyone wants them on their side.

When Picasso, after early years of poverty, had become the most successful artist in the world, he did not commit himself to this dealer or that dealer, although they now besieged him from all sides with attractive offers and grand promises. Instead, he appeared to have no interest in their services; this technique drove them wild, and as they fought over him his prices only rose. When Henry Kissinger, as U.S. secretary of state, wanted to reach detente with the Soviet Union, he made no concessions or conciliatory gestures, but courted China instead. This infuriated and also scared the Soviets—they were already politically isolated and feared further isolation if the United States and China came together. Kissinger’s move pushed them to the negotiating table. The tactic has a parallel in seduction: When you want to seduce a woman, Stendhal advises, court her sister first.

Stay aloof and people will come to you. It will become a challenge for them to win your affections. As long as you imitate the wise Virgin Queen and stimulate their hopes, you will remain a magnet of attention and desire.

Image: The Virgin Queen. The center of attention, desire, and worship. Never succumbing to one suitor or the other, the Virgin Queen keeps them all revolving around her like planets, unable to leave her orbit but never getting any closer to her.

Authority: Do not commit yourself to anybody or anything, for that is to be a slave, a slave to every man.... Above all, keep yourself free of commitments and obligations—they are the device of another to get you into his power.... (Baltasar Gracián, 1601-1658)

PART II: DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYONE-STAY ABOVE THE FRAY

Do not let people drag you into their petty fights and squabbles. Seem interested and supportive, but find a way to remain neutral; let others do the fighting while you stand back, watch and wait. When the fighting parties are good and tired they will be ripe for the picking. You can make it a practice, in fact, to stir up quarrels between other people, and then offer to mediate, gaining power as the go-between.

THE KITES, THE CROWS, AND THE FOX

The kites and the crows made an agreement among themselves that they should go halves in everything obtained in the forest. One day they saw a fox that had been wounded by hunters lying helpless under a tree, and gathered round it. The crows said, “We will take the upper half of the fox.” “Then we will take the lower half,” said the kites. The fox laughed at this, and said, “I always thought the kites were superior in creation to the crows; as such they must get the upper half of my body, of which my head, with the brain and other delicate things in it, forms a portion. ” “Oh, yes, that is right,” said the kites, “we will have that part of the fox.” “Not at all,” said the crows, “we must have it, as already agreed.” Then a war arose between the rival parties, and a great many fell on both sides, and the remaining few escaped with difficulty. The fox continued there for some days, leisurely feeding on the dead kites and crows, and then left the place hale and hearty, observing, The weak benefit by the quarrels of the mighty. ”

INDIAN FABLES

OBSERVANCE OF THE LAW

In the late fifteenth century, the strongest city-states in Italy—Venice, Florence, Rome, and Milan—found themselves constantly squabbling. Hovering above their struggles were the nations of France and Spain, ready to grab whatever they could from the weakened Italian powers. And trapped in the middle was the small state of Mantua, ruled by the young Duke Gianfrancesco Gonzaga. Mantua was strategically located in northern Italy, and it seemed only a matter of time before one of the powers swallowed it up and it ceased to exist as an independent kingdom.

Gonzaga was a fierce warrior and a skilled commander of troops, and he became a kind of mercenary general for whatever side paid him best. In the year 1490, he married Isabella d’Este, daughter of the ruler of another small Italian duchy, Ferrara. Since he now spent most of his time away from Mantua, it fell to Isabella to rule in his stead.

Isabella’s first true test as ruler came in 1498, when King Louis XII of France was preparing armies to attack Milan. In their usual perfidious fashion, the Italian states immediately looked for ways to profit from Milan’s difficulties. Pope Alexander VI promised not to intervene, thereby giving the French carte blanche. The Venetians signaled that they would not help Milan, either—and in exchange for this, they hoped the French would give them Mantua. The ruler of Milan, Lodovico Sforza, suddenly found himself alone and abandoned. He turned to Isabella d’Este, one of his closest friends (also rumored to be his lover), and begged her to persuade Duke Gonzaga to come to his aid. Isabella tried, but her husband balked, for he saw Sforza’s cause as hopeless. And so, in 1499, Louis swooped down on Milan and took it with ease.

Isabella now faced a dilemma: If she stayed loyal to Lodovico, the French would now move against her. But if, instead, she allied herself with France, she would make enemies elsewhere in Italy, compromising Mantua once Louis eventually withdrew. And if she looked to Venice or Rome for help, they would simply swallow up Mantua under the cloak of coming to her aid. Yet she had to do something. The mighty king of France was breathing down her neck: She decided to befriend him, as she had befriended Lodovico Sforza before him—with alluring gifts, witty, intelligent letters, and the possibility of her company, for Isabella was famous as a woman of incomparable beauty and charm.

In 1500 Louis invited Isabella to a great party in Milan to celebrate his victory. Leonardo da Vinci built an enormous mechanical lion for the affair: When the lion opened its mouth, it spewed fresh lilies, the symbols of French royalty. At the party Isabella wore one of her celebrated dresses (she had by far the largest wardrobe of any of the Italian princesses), and just as she had hoped, she charmed and captivated Louis, who ignored all the other ladies vying for his attention. She soon became his constant companion, and in exchange for her friendship he pledged to protect Mantua’s independence from Venice.

Men of great abilities are slow to act. for it is easier to avoid occasions for committing yourself than to come well out of a commitment. Such occasions test your judgement; it is safer to avoid them than to emerge victorious from them. One obligation leads to a greater one, and you come very near to the brink of disaster.

BALTASAR GRACIAN, 1601-1658

As one danger receded, however, another, more worrying one arose, this time from the south, in the form of Cesare Borgia. Starting in 1500, Borgia had marched steadily northward, gobbling up all the small kingdoms in his path in the name of his father, Pope Alexander. Isabella understood Cesare perfectly: He could be neither trusted nor in any way offended. He had to be cajoled and kept at arm’s length. Isabella began by sending him gifts—falcons, prize dogs, perfumes, and dozens of masks, which she knew he always wore when he walked the streets of Rome. She sent messengers with flattering greetings (although these messengers also acted as her spies). At one point Cesare asked if he could house some troops in Mantua; Isabella managed to dissuade him politely, knowing full well that once the troops were quartered in the city, they would never leave.

Even while Isabella was charming Cesare, she convinced everyone around her to take care never to utter a harsh word about him, since he had spies everywhere and would use the slightest pretext for invasion. When Isabella had a child, she asked Cesare to be the godfather. She even dangled in front of him the possibility of a marriage between her family and his. Somehow it all worked, for although elsewhere he seized everything in his path, he spared Mantua.

In 1503 Cesare’s father, Alexander, died, and a few years later the new pope, Julius II, went to war to drive the French troops from Italy. When the ruler of Ferrara—Alfonso, Isabella’s brother—sided with the French, Julius decided to attack and humble him. Once again Isabella found herself in the middle: the pope on one side, the French and her brother on the other. She dared not ally herself with either, but to offend either would be equally disastrous. Again she played the double game at which she had become so expert. On the one hand she got her husband Gonzaga to fight for the pope, knowing he would not fight very hard. On the other she let French troops pass through Mantua to come to Ferrara’s aid. While she publicly complained that the French had “invaded” her territory, she privately supplied them with valuable information. To make the invasion plausible to Julius, she even had the French pretend to plunder Mantua. It worked once again: The pope left Mantua alone.

In 1513, after a lengthy siege, Julius defeated Ferrara, and the French troops withdrew. Worn out by the effort, the pope died a few months later. With his death, the nightmarish cycle of battles and petty squabbles began to repeat itself.

A great deal changed in Italy during Isabella’s reign: Popes came and went, Cesare Borgia rose and then fell, Venice lost its empire, Milan was invaded, Florence fell into decline, and Rome was sacked by the Hapsburg Emperor Charles V Through all this, tiny Mantua not only survived but thrived, its court the envy of Italy. Its wealth and sovereignty would remain intact for a century after Isabella’s death, in 1539.

THE EAGLE AND THE SOW

An eagle built a nest on a tree, and hatched out some eaglets. And a wild sow brought her litter under the tree. The eagle used to fly off after her prey, and bring it back to her young. And the sow rooted around the tree and hunted in the woods, and when night came she would bring her young something to eat.

And the eagle and the sow lived in neighborly fashion. And a grimalkin laid her plans to destroy the eaglets and the little sucking pigs. She went to the eagle, and said: “Eagle, you had better not fly very far away. Beware of the sow; she is planning an evil design. She is going to undermine the roots of the tree. You see she is rooting all the time.”

Then the grimalkin went to the sow and said: “Sow, you have not a good neighbor. Last evening I heard the eagle saying to her eaglets: ‘My dear little eaglets, I am going to treat you to a nice little pig. Just as soon as the sow is gone, I will bring you a little young sucking pig.”’

From that time the eagle ceased to fly out after prey, and the sow did not go any more into the forest. The eaglets and the young pigs perished of starvation, and grimalkin feasted on them.

FABLES, LEO TOLSTOY, 1828-1910

Interpretation

Isabella d’Este understood Italy’s political situation with amazing clarity: Once you took the side of any of the forces in the field, you were doomed. The powerful would take you over, the weak would wear you down. Any new alliance would lead to a new enemy, and as this cycle stirred up more conflict, other forces would be dragged in, until you could no longer extricate yourself. Eventually you would collapse from exhaustion.

Isabella steered her kingdom on the only course that would bring her safely through. She would not allow herself to lose her head through loyalty to a duke or a king. Nor would she try to stop the conflict that raged around her—that would only drag her into it. And in any case the conflict was to her advantage. If the various parties were fighting to the death, and exhausting themselves in the process, they were in no position to gobble up Mantua. The source of Isabella’s power was her clever ability to seem interested in the affairs and interests of each side, while actually committing to no one but herself and her kingdom.

Once you step into a fight that is not of your own choosing, you lose all initiative. The combatants’ interests become your interests; you become their tool. Learn to control yourself, to restrain your natural tendency to take sides and join the fight. Be friendly and charming to each of the combatants, then step back as they collide. With every battle they grow weaker, while you grow stronger with every battle you avoid.

When the snipe and the mussel struggle, the fisherman gets the benefit.

Ancient Chinese saying

KEYS TO POWER

To succeed in the game of power, you have to master your emotions. But even if you succeed in gaining such self-control, you can never control the temperamental dispositions of those around you. And this presents a great danger. Most people operate in a whirlpool of emotions, constantly reacting, churning up squabbles and conflicts. Your self-control and autonomy will only bother and infuriate them. They will try to draw you into the whirlpool, begging you to take sides in their endless battles, or to make peace for them. If you succumb to their emotional entreaties, little by little you will find your mind and time occupied by their problems. Do not allow whatever compassion and pity you possess to suck you in. You can never win in this game; the conflicts can only multiply.

On the other hand, you cannot completely stand aside, for that would cause needless offense. To play the game properly, you must seem interested in other people’s problems, even sometimes appear to take their side. But while you make outward gestures of support, you must maintain your inner energy and sanity by keeping your emotions disengaged. No matter how hard people try to pull you in, never let your interest in their affairs and petty squabbles go beyond the surface. Give them gifts, listen with a sympathetic look, even occasionally play the charmer—but inwardly keep both the friendly kings and the perfidious Borgias at arm’s length. By refusing to commit and thus maintaining your autonomy you retain the initiative: Your moves stay matters of your own choosing, not defensive reactions to the push-and-pull of those around you.

THE PRICE OF

While a poor woman stood in the market place selling cheeses, a cat came along and carried off a cheese. A dog saw the pilferer and tried to take the cheese away from him. The cat stood up to the dog. So they pitched into each other. The dog barked and snapped; the cat spat and scratched, but they could bring the battle to no decision.

“Let’s go to the fox and have him referee the matter, ” the cat finally suggested. “Agreed, ” said the dog. So they went to the fox. The fox listened to their arguments with a judicious air.

“Foolish animals,” he chided them, “why carry on like that? If both of you are willing, I’ll divide the cheese in two and you’ll both be satisfied. ”

“Agreed, ” said the cat and the dog.

So the fox took out his knife and cut the cheese in two, but, instead of cutting it lengthwise, he cut it in the width. “My half is smaller!” protested the dog.

The fox looked judiciously through his spectacles at the dog’s share.

“You’re right, quite right!” he decided.

So he went and bit off a piece of the cat’s share.

“That will make it even!” he said.

When the cat saw what the fox did she began to yowl:

“Just look! My part’s smaller now!”

The fox again put on his spectacles and looked judiciously at the cat’s share.

“Right you are!” said the fox. “Just a moment, and I’ll make it right.”

And he went and bit off a piece from the dog’s cheese This went on so long, with the fox nibbling first at the dog’s and then at the cat’s share. that he finally ate up the whole cheese before their eyes.

A TREASURY OF JEWISH FOLKLORE, NATHAN AUSUBEL, ED., 1948

Slowness to pick up your weapons can be a weapon itself, especially if you let other people exhaust themselves fighting, then take advantage of their exhaustion. In ancient China, the kingdom of Chin once invaded the kingdom of Hsing. Huan, the ruler of a nearby province, thought he should rush to Hsing’s defense, but his adviser counseled him to wait: “Hsing is not yet going to ruin,” he said, “and Chin is not yet exhausted. If Chin is not exhausted, [we] cannot become very influential. Moreover, the merit of supporting a state in danger is not as great as the virtue of reviving a ruined one.” The adviser’s argument won the day, and as he had predicted, Huan later had the glory both of rescuing Hsing from the brink of destruction and then of conquering an exhausted Chin. He stayed out of the fighting until the forces engaged in it had worn each other down, at which point it was safe for him to intervene.

That is what holding back from the fray allows you: time to position yourself to take advantage of the situation once one side starts to lose. You can also take the game a step further, by promising your support to both sides in a conflict while maneuvering so that the one to come out ahead in the struggle is you. This was what Castruccio Castracani, ruler of the Italian town of Lucca in the fourteenth century, did when he had designs on the town of Pistoia. A siege would have been expensive, costing both lives and money, but Castruccio knew that Pistoia contained two rival factions, the Blacks and the Whites, which hated one another. He negotiated with the Blacks, promising to help them against the Whites; then, without their knowledge, he promised the Whites he would help them against the Blacks. And Castruccio kept his promises—he sent an army to a Black-controlled gate to the city, which the sentries of course welcomed in. Meanwhile another of his armies entered through a White-controlled gate. The two armies united in the middle, occupied the town, killed the leaders of both factions, ended the internal war, and took Pistoia for Castruccio.

Preserving your autonomy gives you options when people come to blows—you can play the mediator, broker the peace, while really securing your own interests. You can pledge support to one side and the other may have to court you with a higher bid. Or, like Castruccio, you can appear to take both sides, then play the antagonists against each other.

Oftentimes when a conflict breaks out, you are tempted to side with the stronger party, or the one that offers you apparent advantages in an alliance. This is risky business. First, it is often difficult to foresee which side will prevail in the long run. But even if you guess right and ally yourself with the stronger party, you may find yourself swallowed up and lost, or conveniently forgotten, when they become victors. Side with the weaker, on the other hand, and you are doomed. But play a waiting game and you cannot lose.

In France’s July Revolution of 1830, after three days of riots, the statesman Talleyrand, now elderly, sat by his Paris window, listening to the pealing bells that signaled the riots were over. Turning to an assistant, he said, “Ah, the bells! We’re winning.” “Who’s ‘we,’ mon prince?” the assistant asked. Gesturing for the man to keep quiet, Talleyrand replied, “Not a word! I’ll tell you who we are tomorrow.” He well knew that only fools rush into a situation—that by committing too quickly you lose your maneuverability. People also respect you less: Perhaps tomorrow, they think, you will commit to another, different cause, since you gave yourself so easily to this one. Good fortune is a fickle god and will often pass from one side to the other. Commitment to one side deprives you of the advantage of time and the luxury of waiting. Let others fall in love with this group or that; for your part don’t rush in, don’t lose your head.

Finally, there are occasions when it is wisest to drop all pretence of appearing supportive and instead to trumpet your independence and self-reliance. The aristocratic pose of independence is particularly important for those who need to gain respect. George Washington recognized this in his work to establish the young American republic on firm ground. As president, Washington avoided the temptation of making an alliance with France or England, despite the pressure on him to do so. He wanted the country to earn the world’s respect through its independence. Although a treaty with France might have helped in the short term, in the long run he knew it would be more effective to establish the nation’s autonomy. Europe would have to see the United States as an equal power.

Remember: You have only so much energy and so much time. Every moment wasted on the affairs of others subtracts from your strength. You may be afraid that people will condemn you as heartless, but in the end, maintaining your independence and self-reliance will gain you more respect and place you in a position of power from which you can choose to help others on your own initiative.

Image: A Thicket of Shrubs. In the forest, one shrub latches on to another, entangling its neighbor with its thorns, the thicket slowly extending its impenetrable domain. Only what keeps its distance and stands apart can grow and rise above the thicket.

Authority: Regard it as more courageous not to become involved in an engagement than to win in battle, and where there is already one interfering fool, take care that there shall not be two. (Baltasar Gracian, 1601-1658)

REVERSAL

Both parts of this law will turn against you if you take it too far. The game proposed here is delicate and difficult. If you play too many parties against one another, they will see through the maneuver and will gang up on you. If you keep your growing number of suitors waiting too long, you will inspire not desire but distrust. People will start to lose interest. Eventually you may find it worthwhile to commit to one side—if only for appearances’ sake, to prove you are capable of attachment.

Even then, however, the key will be to maintain your inner independence—to keep yourself from getting emotionally involved. Preserve the unspoken option of being able to leave at any moment and reclaim your freedom if the side you are allied with starts to collapse. The friends you made while you were being courted will give you plenty of places to go once you jump ship.

#feminism #quote #relationships #love #writing

14 notes · View notes

0writerchick0 · 7 years

Text

House Party

The house was his, for once. All seven thousand, six hundred, and forty seven square feet. It didn’t sound like all that much compared to the mansions in the country, but their estate was quite large for its location, still deep enough within the city. His father would have it no other way and his mother didn’t care enough about the subject to insist otherwise, though he knew that should she appear the slightest inclined otherwise, his father would pack up and move to her liking overnight. The acreage surrounding it was unheard of, and helped to make the place feel further away from the hustle and bustle than it truly was. It was just an illusion, but that didn’t matter. Durran loved it because it struck the perfect balance between city life and “get the fuck out of my face” time. At seventeen years old, there was quite a lot of that.

As he lounged on the couch, his body fully relaxed from the alcohol that coursed through his system. There was so much movement and noise around him that anyone else may have felt energized by it, whereas Durran felt the opposite, sinking into the comfort of the chaos. He barely heard his cousin Gunar sitting next to him, talking in his ear about something he’d surely be interested in if he wasn’t otherwise occupied, watching a tasty blonde in a small bikini climb out of the pool, her suit wet and clinging to her.

He would shift in his seat to adjust his growing erection, but he didn’t want to upset Nolla. He had just trained the husky-malamute hybrid to remain calm with loud music and even louder people, and was pleased that she laid at rest on the other side of him, holding her head in his lap. She was not a wolf, as the Starks his mother was descended from, were once known to keep, but she was the closest to one that his parents would allow. He knew of his mother’s traumatic history with them, but was determined to prove to her that Nolla was not the same as the wild wolves of her childhood. Nolla was trained, domesticated, loyal. She would die for him. There were times he wondered if he would also die for her, feeling so connected to the creature.

He let his hand mindlessly pet her furry head, scratching behind her ears as Gunar talked. His cousin wasn’t a huge talker overall, but when he did, it tended to be just to him. Durran wasn’t sure if he should attribute that to their common interests or a bond shared that only children who grow up playing, bathing, and sleeping together do. There mothers were close, when his was around, and Durran felt as at home in his aunt’s battered bar filled with bikers and the world’s rejects as he did in the marble polished home his father and mother raised him in.

Out of everyone, Durran listened to Gunar the most, though as he watched the blonde bend over and reach for her towel through the glass, he could hear not even him. Durran took another sip from his glass, and considered fucking her later, should optimal conditions arise. His eyes flashed over to the table across the room, and he scowled at the girl with jet black hair, falling down her back. Her smile was infectious and in private family moments, he secretly adored it, though in public settings he felt annoyed by it. Why was she so goddamned happy?

Nothing was a greater cock-block than an older sister. This was his party, he’d commandeered the house for his own uses. He hated that she was there, intruding. Elenei was twenty-one, didn’t she have her own friends?

Durran’s teeth ground as he watched a hand come down on his sister’s thigh. The hand was attached to the latest loser she was dating. She had the worst taste in men. Honestly, he didn’t really care, except that he hated having to play cordial whenever she brought one around. He could tell that Dad hated it too, though no one would ever know to look at him. Petyr Baelish was legendary at keeping his poker face firmly in place. To his mother’s credit, Sansa Baelish had mastered one as well. Though usually, she just smiled knowingly whenever Elenei brought another dumbass home, and would whisper to them both that it was just a phase every girl went through. She would run her hand over his father’s back and tell him to just let her get it all out of her system.

Did she have to “get it out of her system” here? Durran mulled over the fact that it was his party, after all. Even if he didn’t really like people, except of course for Gunar, it was still a party. He glanced to his cousin and smiled as if following what he was saying. He didn’t mean to ignore him, especially since he was probably the only person on the planet he could stand for extended periods of time. It was just difficult paying attention with the alcohol slipping around his veins, coaxing a loosening of the limbs and a lack of devoted attention. Durran reminded himself that Gunar was the only person who seemed to understand him. He didn’t chastise him for his silences, either. Durran was never much of a talker, saying only what he felt needed to be said.

There was just so much going on, the music pumping, the people bouncing and moving, the sounds of men laughing and posturing, and women giggling and flirting. Every now and then someone would come over and try to talk to him. He’d smile and keep his hand on Nolla, who would either remain still or lift her head and offer a low growl at them. She was an excellent judge of character. Durran often flanked himself with Gunar and Nolla, ensuring that he was completely unapproachable and safe from anyone daring enough to try to sit with him.

He was vaguely aware of a female presence next to him and glanced over, noticing his movements were quite slowed now. A mop of wavy brown-black hair hung over Gunar’s head and a set of tanned hands splayed across his cousin’s chest, one reaching down his belly. Durran took another sip from his glass as he watched Arianne’s hand travel over Gunar’s belt. He would have rolled his eyes when he saw Gunar lift his hips when she found his package, giving it a squeeze, if he didn’t think his eyes would keep moving back on him.

She broke from the kiss, laughing as she looked down at her target. Gunar kept his head thrown against the back of the couch, looking up at her, silently begging her for more. She laughed again and moved away from him. Gunar reached his hand up, “Babe?”

Arianne came around and plopped herself down in his lap before scanning Durran up and down with a smile. She was a Martell girl, they were known to be more adventurous. Judging by the look Gunar shot him, Durran knew that his cousin was not. She giggled and moaned as Gunar leaned in, kissing and licking her neck as his hands held her in his lap. Durran would be uncomfortable with foreplay that didn’t involve him at such a close proximity, if it were anyone but Gunar. The man got a free pass, because out of all of Durran’s cousins, he was the best.

Gunar was just a year younger than Durran and the oldest out of all of his cousins from Auntie R. He was more chill, and got things that other people didn’t. Strangely, he didn’t look much like his siblings, way more lithe than their bulky frames. His aunt was not a big lady, quite petite in fact, despite her efforts by beefing up her muscles. Her husband, on the other hand, was broad and solid, like the bull he had tattooed to his bicep. It was a wonder she was able to birth all of his kids. Even the smallest was a little tank, charging at his brothers and sisters and knocking them down when he was mad. Gunar on the other hand, looked so out of place. Perhaps that’s why he didn’t mind Durran’s more reserved demeanor. It was probably a breath of fresh air compared to being at home with all the loud bangiing and crashing that multiple siblings and a mother and father not afraid to yell their feelings, could bring.

Arianne nudged Durran’s knee with her foot, trying to get his attention. Gunar didn’t look up from his work behind her ear, bringing his hand to her foot and pulling it back closer to him, as if psychic. Perhaps he felt the irritation radiating off of Durran, at being touched, by someone’s foot no less. He hated feet. Arianne persisted, leaning over to get Durran’s attention. “You’re sister’s got some good shit.”

Durran fought back the sigh he felt deep inside. Elenei’s latest mistake was selling at his party. To be truthful, he felt conflicted about the whole thing. He’d asked the Freys over to sell their pills. Did Durran have his own supply? Sure. If word got out to his parents that he enjoyed the occasional pill, he shuddered to think of what his mother would do. He got the feeling that his father would be more relaxed about the issue, his mother on the other hand…

It just made sense for Durran to keep his stash secret and put someone else in the line of fire should his parents ever find out about drugs at a party. The Freys were a good choice. They didn’t matter nearly enough to cause any damage, but weren’t so low on the totem pole that it would sully his name to be caught hanging with them. Now Elenei was here, fucking it up with her boyfriend and whatever he was peddling. But she was his sister, as annoying as she was. If she was selling, he would allow it. She pulled the age card on him a lot, being twenty-one, but she’d moved out and this was still his house. It was he that allowed now, despite birth order in this case.

As people passed back and forth in front of him, he was vaguely aware of some raised voices, Elenei’s in particular. Durran turned his head, listening closer, ignoring the ongoing rumble of music and people. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, only that it wasn’t happy. Two girls blocked his line of sight as they passed by. When they got far enough to the side, he saw Elenei leaning across the table, gripping one of the Freys by the collar of his shirt, a pissed off look on her face.

“Gunar.” Durran’s voice was low as he said it, so quiet against the background cacophony that he wasn’t sure his cousin had heard it. Any doubt he had was alleviated when he saw Gunar’s palm tap Arianne’s thigh and her slide out of his lap like a cat. Durran made no movement, still slouched back into the couch as he watched his sister in between passers by. Gunar on the other hand, was sitting up in his seat, scanning the room for what Durran requested his attention for.

Durran let go of Nolla, his hand on his thigh. She looked up at him and whimpered at the loss of contact and then turned her head, scanning the room for what he wasn’t sure. His fingers itched and any cloudiness he’d experiences before cleared up as he sobered, eyeing the Frey caught in his sister’s clutches. Out of nowhere, the man’s bawled up fist came up over her toned arm and punched her full force in her cheek. Her head fell back with the impact and her resulting grunt and scream shivered down his spine.

All sound was gone. Thoughts didn’t exist. Neither did his senses, particularly that of touch. Durran had no indication that he was reaching for his gun, no concept of aiming and firing, and barely understood what happened as the Frey clutched his knee cap and squealed in pain. Durran blinked a couple of times, consciously telling himself to relax his clenched jaw, and slowly rose from his seat. The party divided into two factions: people who ran and people who braced themselves for what was to come. Those that were armed found their pieces.

The Frey he’d shot in the kneecap, Stevron, the oldest Frey son. He was writhing on the floor as Durran approached. Gunnar rose behind him, to his right, and Nolla growled, staying to his left, slowly advancing. He was mildly cognizant of one of the Frey brother, who’s name escaped him, up at the table, pointing a gun at him. He was, on the contrary, very aware of Elenei’s arm, extended across the table, pointing hers back. They had brought along with them someone not related by blood, possibly a nobody hoping to advance by banging one of their sisters. He had the bright idea to raise his gun on Elenei. Without needing to be told, Gunar raised his piece at the idiot.

He listened to his sister speak, her face bleeding and swelling as she did. “Don’t you dare point your fucking piece at my brother, you fuck-tard!”

“He shot my brother!” The Frey shrieked.

“It appears that way, doesn’t it?” It was Gunar’s calm voice that answered, never taking his aim off of the man on Elenei. Durran knew he could count on him.

It was a standoff, no one could shoot without getting shot back. That was except for Gunar, of course, last man in the chain. Durran loved Gunar, but he loved Elenei more. He kept his voice calm as he said, “Switch with Elenei.”

Again, Durran was proud to note that his cousin needed no explanation to understand what he wanted, or time to think to comply. He turned, pointing his gun on the brother that Elenei had in her sights. The man they brought along looked confused, aiming his gun back and forth between Elenei and Gunar.

Durran slowly holstered his gun, showing the Frey each step of the way that he was putting the deadly weapon away. “Elenei, put your gun down.”

“No. I won’t. If this sorry sack of shit shoots you, he’s going to die of lead poisoning.” Elenei gritted through her teeth, shaking her head. He didn’t have to see her face to know that tears were welling in her eyes. It was hard for her to see her brother under the gun, though no harder, he imagined, than it was for him to watch her fall under someone’s fist.

Durran looked up to see that her boyfriend had been one of the people who ran. He knew she would be disappointed as soon as she was able to think about her love life again, current events being more pressing now. His calm and soothing voice pulled her attention to him, “Elenei, I need you to put the gun away.”

She glanced from her target to him and back again. Elenei stood up quickly, growling as she shoved her piece in her belt, “It wasn’t supposed to go down like this. Fucking Freys.”

No longer seeing her a threat, and too stupid to use how much she meant to Durran, the third Frey focused all of his attention on aiming at Gunar. Durran doubted that anyone would shoot, purposefully, as long as he didn’t kill Stevron. He wouldn’t kill him, but he would teach him a lesson. Nolla was whimpering and inching closer to the man’s knee, smelling the blood and hungry to taste it.

“Sit!” Durran commanded. He would not allow her to gnaw on the man’s wounded kneecap. It was savage, and it would give her the taste of blood that his mother had always warned him about. She sat quickly, growling at Stevron as she did. Her ass was rooted to the floor like the obedient pup she was, but that didn’t mean she liked it, and the room would hear about it.

Durran stared down at his foot as he raised it, and stomped it down on the injury, listening to the horrendous wailing that ensued. The brother screamed, “You sick fuck!”

He would give the man no reply, instead talking down to Stevron. “Sick fuck? Really? At least I don’t get off on hitting women!” He took a deep breath and then almost spat, “That is Elenei Baelish you hit. My sister, you dumb piece of shit!” Durran kicked him in the face as hard as he could. “You don’t ever,” he kicked again, “ever,” again, “ever-”

Elenei’s voice couldn’t be heard over the loud thumping of his own heartbeat as his shoes stained red with blood. He didn’t stop till he felt a hand on his back, between his shoulder blades. He would have whipped around to cuff its owner in the jaw if he didn’t know on some subconscious level that it was his sister’s hand. He blinked and sound slowly returned to his ears. Her voice was anxious as she said, “You gotta stop. You’ll go too far.”

“He already has!” The brother screamed as he cocked his gun.

Durran heard a click by his ear as Gunar’s pistol cocked too.

A familiar voice sounded from the far corner of the room, “I don’t see how. No one has died yet.” Durran’s heart sank as he recognized his father before he came into view. “We could stop now and be alive for breakfast with our loved ones tomorrow morning.”

The sound of heels clicking on the tile, told him that his mother was there too. The brother scoffed, “I fucking doubt that Stevron’s going to be eating tomorrow.”

“I don’t see why not. Isn’t that what straws are for?” His mother smiled as she came to a stop at his father’s side. Durran watched him wrap an arm around her and grin against her shoulder. The silver at his father’s temples had spread, sprinkling throughout his hair, and wrinkles gathering at the corners of his eyes. People told Durran that he got his dark auburn locks from his mother, though at times he wondered. Hers was much more vibrant that his, even though it had lightened since the pictures of her youth, containing the stray silver strand. She lacked the wrinkles that women her age were burdened with, though wore the lines of a face that had seen the rougher side to life. To see them side by side, there was a large enough age difference to be notable, though Durran felt his father always looked his youngest when she was in the room with him.

“Judging by that table covered in dust and pills, and my lovely daughter’s swollen face, I’d say there was a deal gone wrong. My son must have felt the need to defend his sister’s honor.” Dad deduced quickly.

Mom furrowed her eyebrows at Elenei, “Are you single again?”

“I fucking am now!” Elenei gritted through her teeth, glaring at the empty chair beside her.

“Oh, Sweetheart.” Mom looked at her sympathetically, as if knowing what happened without being there to witness it. She left Dad and wrapped her arms around Elenei. “Do you want to stay tonight?”

“No, I’m okay.” Elenei answered, hesitation in her voice.

“I think you should stay. Let Mum fuss a bit, Princess. It always makes you feel better. Us too, you know.” Dad added his two cents in.

Durran knew this would happen. He half wondered if she dated losers just to get all the special attention each time it didn’t work out. He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, getting his father’s attention. “Dad?”

“Yes?”

He gestured over to the guy still holding his gun on him. “Guns are still out.”

“Yes, they are.” His father agreed, sounding bored. “Fine.” He shrugged, “How much do you want?”

The Frey blinked back at him, “Excuse me?”

“I like your dad.” No he didn’t. “And I think it’s important for us all to keep getting along.” That part was true. “So, how about this?” He walked over to the table of drugs and eyed it in its entirety. “I’ll pay you double for everything here, and we all put our guns away and all three of you leave, alive. Your brother got shot somewhere else, by someone else.”

The Frey stared back for a moment, clearly unsure of what to say. Before he answered, Mum spoke over Elenei’s head as she held her, “Petyr, the car.” She then turned with Elenei and left.

Dad nodded, “Right.” He turned to Durran and said, “Give them your keys.”

“What?!” Durran exclaimed in disbelief.

“You heard me. Give him the keys to your car, now.” Dad’s voice was firm.

Durran fumed as he pulled his car keys out of his pocket and threw them down at the broken, wheezing mass on the floor.

Dad praised, “Excellent. Now, we’re going to leave this room, and when we return, none of you will be here. Just a blood stain on my carpet.” He looked down, examining it as he shook his head. “Sansa’s going to be disappointed about the carpet, but I’m hopeful it can be restored. Robb and Talisa will be visiting soon, I’m almost sure of it.”

Completely disregarding the still-raised guns, the famous Petyr Baelish turned and made to leave, pausing only to leave a large wad of cash on an end table, and called back, “Boys.”

Durran didn’t need to ask who his dad meant, and turned to follow, slapping his thigh as he did for Nolla to follow. Gunar kept his aim, switching between both men as he backed away, covering them. When Durran heard the door click shut and knew that Gunar had holstered his gun, he complained, “Did I have to give away the Masserati? You know I love that car.”

“Did you have to shoot someone?” Dad’s response was fast.

“I was protecting Elenei.” He protested.

“And you could have done it differently.” His father chided as he threw an arm around him, gripping his shoulder. Durran wanted to shrug him off, pissed over losing his car, but didn’t. His father then looked over at Gunar and smiled, “You did wonderfully in there.”

Gunar’s eyes grew wide, “Seriously?”

Dad nodded, “You acted quickly, ready to do what needed to be done. That’s commendable.”

Durran refrained from telling him that was exactly what he was doing with Elenei, knowing it would only sound like a pout. His father continued to praise Gunar, “You’re always right beside my son, backing him up. That kind of loyalty doesn’t go unnoticed.”

“So you won’t tell Mom and Dad about this, Uncle Petyr?” Gunar asked in surprise. Though his cousin exuded an aged presence most of the time, every now and then he sounded like the sixteeen year old he was.

Dad laughed and clasped his free hand on Gunar’s shoulder. “Of course not.”

Just when Durran thought they were going to inside, his father used his grip on him to turn him out towards the garage. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” His father’s smirk was all-knowing.

Durran allowed himself to be lead into the garage, the lights turning on automatically, revealing a cherry red McLaren. His father’s voice was barely above a whisper as he said, “For you.”

His jaw dropped in shock, “Really? What? Why?” The car had to be at least fifty grand more than his former Maserati, and wondered if his father was toying with him.

Dad let go of Gunar and pulled Durran into a full embrace, gripping his face, giving each cheek a kiss. “Because you make me proud.”

“But, I thought I just pissed you off?” Durran asked, distinctly remembering his father’s disapproving gaze when he complained about giving over his keys.

His old man’s smug smirk deepened, “I didn’t like your method. But, I am proud that you acted. You saw someone hurting your sister, and you stopped it.”

Durran blinked back at him, swallowing a small lump in his throat, caught off guard that his rash behavior was being praised. His parents had lectured him since before he could walk on the importance of planning and preparation, keeping a calm exterior and quelling the fire within. He couldn’t stop himself, though. His natural instincts to break anyone that laid a hand on Elenei prevailed and he’d been sure he would catch hell for it.

His father continued looking between him and Gunar. “We must always protect family.” He then looked tired as he groaned, “And, until your sister gets past this ‘phase,’ of dating idiots, I suspect we’ll be defending her honor a lot.”

Gunar raised his chin, ever the skeptic, “Geez Uncle Petyr, you got a car here fast, unless you somehow knew what Durran would do tonight?”

Durran winced, thinking his father would view the comment as disrespectful. Instead, there was a glint in his eye as he said, “So much like your father.” Durran wasn’t sure what he meant, Uncle Gendry didn’t tend to ask many questions. His father chuckled as he explained, “The car was for me, but after walking in on this tonight, I’d rather reward my son.”

Nolla ran ahead, sniffing all over the car and panting excitedly. Gunar smiled as he walked toward it, “Damn, check out that grill.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Durran turned to his father who grinned back.

“You’re welcome.” He tossed him the keys. “Why don’t you boys take it out for a spin. I’m going to try to steal your mother from Elenei.” He then lifted his eyebrows and grinned deeper. “Date night isn’t quite over yet.”

“Ew, Dad.” Durran felt revulsed by the knowledge that his parent’s bedroom door would be locked for good reason that night.

His father chuckled and turned away, calling back, “Nolla, come.” He explained quickly, “I doubt you want to take her with you.”

Durran hopped in the car, excitedly starting the engine, glancing up to see his dog’s wagging tail as she trailed behind his father. He turned his head to listen to Gunar as he rubbed a palm over the dash. “Fuck, man. This car is top notch.”

Durran put the car in reverse and laughed, “Where should we go?”

Gunar smiled with some deviance, “I thought a saw a blonde in a bikini at the party that’s bound to be scared. Chicks need a lot of comforting when their scared, you know.”

“You think Arianne is scared right now?” Durran flashed him a playful grin.

Gunar sighed happily, “Let’s hope so.”

Durran revved the car and sped forward, listening to the motor announce to the world what it meant to be a Baelish.

#writing #fanfic #durran pov #the baelishes #the kids are growing up folks #yes pxs make an appearance #lol #it's also up on ao3

8 notes · View notes