#he wants me to be healthy and eat and not lose weight etc

[no-one-hears-me]

"please don't do that" = my inspiration to do that

#late night phonecall with my boy. gotta stop answering bc i say way too much #anyways. decided to tell him about how i would like. not eat on purpose and i was skinny #said that it was several years ago tho and didn't mention anything more recent #tbf it was most serious several years ago and hasn't gotten that bad since then #anyways. during the convo i said something about how i WAS skinny at this time then got fat over this time #bc he was asking for a bit of a timeline #and he was like. i don't think you got fat i think you got healthy #and said i look good and don't need to lose weight etc like awwww 🥰 #anyways. made a joke about looking like [redacted] and he was like no please don't do that #he wants me to be healthy and eat and not lose weight etc #and i was joking at the time but that convo inspired me to grind harder to really lose some weight 💪 #and i feel kinda bad bc i know he doesn't want me to and would be a lil upset if he found out #but it's my life not his #he doesn't have to find out. unless he notices that i look different. i HOPE #btw the [redacted] part isn't a rude joke or me being mean to anyone. it just could be some sort of thinspo/trigger so i don't wanna say it #i feel like it looks like it could have been someone's name. it's not a specific person or anything #ed tw #Sera

[queertransetc]

- ED trigger warning -

Being skinny ruined my life. If you’re thin and think to yourself, “why don’t fat people just lose weight?” Please read this

I was the “ideal fat” in the sense that I did everything skinny people wanted me to do. I tried every diet in the book. I exercised regularly. I worked with doctors and dietitians to figure out the best way to lose weight. But nothing worked. I did everything “right” to lose weight, and my weight stayed the same

But the thin people in my life kept telling me that I wouldn’t be happy, attractive, healthy, etc. until I lost weight. So, heartbroken, I came to the conclusion that anorexia was the only option left. It felt safer than bariatric surgery, and was obviously much more affordable

I became the perfect anorexic. 700 cal a day or less, except once a week I allowed myself 1400 cal. For reference, my body required at least 2800 to maintain weight, and at least 1800 to keep my organs and stuff fully functioning. Still, 700 a day, I persisted because everyone in my life told me weight loss was all that mattered. If dieting didn’t work, anorexia had to

And it did. My weight dropped all the way down to 110 pounds. I was skinny - underweight, even - in all sense of the word. The people in my life saw it as a miracle. The ultimate success story. My mother, my “friends,” my doctors, they all congratulated me on my accomplishment

When I confessed my eating disorder to my doctor, he told me, “that’s not the best way to go about it, but I’m glad you lost the weight.” My mother took pictures of me and sent them to relatives to brag

Okay, great. I was skinny. I did what I set out to do. But there were severe consequences

The most obvious was my joint pain doubled, maybe even tripled, to the point that I couldn’t leave the house without a wheelchair

I also developed several health complications, including fatty liver disease and extremely painful GERD. I had to see a handful of specialists and get an endoscopy because of severe stomach pain

My partner, who was the only person who saw my weight loss for what it was (a horrible thing that only happened because of an eating disorder), convinced me to enter a recovery program

For nearly a year, I relearned how to feed myself. I ate everything I was told to eat, nothing more and nothing less. My diet was 100% in the hands of somebody else

And I gained back every pound I has lost. All of the work to become thin went right out the window. It was proven to me that thinness and health were incompatible with my body. If I wanted to be thin, I had to forgo my physical and mental well-being. And vise-versa

Prior to the anorexia, I never once struggled with binge eating. I was naturally an intuitive eater, and I did a good job of having a well rounded diet. After the anorexia, after recovery, I developed a binge eating disorder. I had spent so long starving myself, that my brain and body got stuck in survival mode, desperate to consume any and all calories out of fear that I might starve again. To this day I struggle with binge eating

I did everything thin people wanted of me. I dieted. I exercised. And when all else failed, I starved myself. Now I have liver disease, stomach issues, and BED. Not to mention the loads of mental issues that accumulated as a result of my weight loss journey. During the throes of my anorexia, I had to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation

When you tell fat people to “just lose weight” you are suggesting they give themselves illnesses for which treatments are not always effective. You are asking fat people to destroy their stomachs and livers. When a fat person loses so much weight that they become skinny, they are likely giving up so much of their health in efforts to be treated like a human being

If you’re thin, do your part. Treat fat people like people before we tear our bodies apart

#Lincoln logs #fatphobia // #eating disorder // #fat liberation #body positivity

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

please help me with switching my ratsnake to f/t he will not eat them i have tried choochoo training where you feed a live and then stick a frozen thawed in right after, ive tried getting live mice and dispatching them myself and then feeding them to him, im running out of ideas he just will not eat anything that is already dead.

Sorry about your picky boy!! I've switched a lot of wild ratsnakes who were unreleasable after injury to f/t, and the trick is that you've just gotta be more stubborn than they are.

A few easy-peasy tricks that you might not have tried yet:

Warm the rodent up in warm chicken broth

See if he'll take some pieces of hard-boiled egg - ratsnakes love eggs - if he does then scent rodents with those

Make sure you're not moving the rodent around in ways he doesn't like. Some like you to wiggle them on the tongs, some don't. Experiment and see what gets the most interest!

Brain the rodent - sounds gross, but a quick poke of a knife through the skull can help them smell much more appealing

Make sure you're offering under ideal conditions - when he's active and looking for food, and your f/t rodent is nice and warm. Double-check your husbandry as well to make sure everything stays on point; snakes have better appetites when their husbandry is right!

Don't be afraid to leave the rodent in his enclosure for a while if he doesn't take it right away. You can leave it in for a few hours to see if he gains interest.

My favorite method:

Skip a feeding, and wait however long you normally do between meals (a week, two weeks, etc.)

Scent a paper towel with a rodent and leave it in his enclosure overnight. The goal is to create a situation where your snake is hungrier than usual and is smelling food.

Offer your f/t rodent - a lot of the time, your snake will be so excited to eat that they'll grab the food right away!

If it doesn't work, wait a week and try again.

The fail-safe method:

This one is going to feel really mean, but I've used it with every snake I've ever met who hasn't wanted to switch and it hasn't let me down yet.

It's really simple: offer a frozen/thawed rodent every other week and don't back down until he takes it. Weigh your snake first, and continue to weigh every month to make sure he's not losing weight, but I promise a healthy snake will not starve themselves to death. He is going to act like he's so miserable but you really just have to beat him in the stubbornness department. I have never met a snake who's outlasted me more than two months, and a healthy adult will not even lose weight during that time, I promise.

If he does lose weight - which, again, I've never even had happen - then offer him live until his weight's back up and repeat the process.

Best of luck!!

#not a rating #snake food #snake feeding

[chiiyuuvv]

Hey~

I was wondering if you'd be able to write how xiker's members would react to y/n being insecure about being very chubby/ very slim (still healthy tho) to the point where y/n would want to change herself (but because she's insecure about how others see her and not because she really want's to) and how the boy's would comfort her, what they'd do etc.

You can choose whether you'd like to do it as a headcanon, imagine or anything else!

Thank you!💚🦊

WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT

• PAIRING — bf!xikers x gn reader (uses some she)

• GENRE — comfort, fluff, i dont think i implied the angst, comfort, comfort, comfort

• WORD COUNT — 758

• AUTHOR'S NOTE — i am so, so, so sorry about the long wait. True was, me and my team had no idea what to write 😭 but after looking up some coping skills, we got to writing. I just wanna say that you are beautiful just the way you are, fuck other people. And if you dont believe me, xikers certainly will ♡

MASTERLIST! – JOIN THE TAGLIST!

MINJAE ☆

Minjae could see on your phone various workout methods that guarantees losing lots of weight in 2 weeks or so

Was a little confused on why you were so interested in that so he decided to comfort you

It broke his heart when you kept calling yourself fat and chubby bc what?? No you arent

And since he knew the workout methods and supplements were a scam, he suggested that you worked out with him

Praises every little thing you do with a big hug and kiss ♡

JUNMIN ☆

Junmin felt a little chubby when he was growing up so he understood how you felt

After researching, he found that setting small goals really helps your mental being

So he decided to do just that

This week, you should at least eat a apple everyday

Next week, you would go for a 30 minute walk

Does everything with you so you dont have to feel alone ♡

SUMIN ☆

He'd be all ears

Hes kinda like minjae too; his baby?? Feeling fat???

But would still let you rant everything out without him interrupting

Wipes away your tears if you start crying

And when you're done, he would go on a rant about how beautiful you are, and even though you dont feel this way right now, you will feel this way in the future ♡

JINSIK  ☆

As soon as you open up to him, hes gone

Then you hear a big crash

Throws away (stomps and slams) your bathroom scale

Along with anything else that triggers you

Then would go on a long rant about how you shouldnt compare yourself to others ♡

HYUNWOO ☆

You told him when you thought he was sleeping because it would be too hard telling him when hes awake

Immediately sits up when you fall asleep, his heart breaking as he rubs your back

And then bolts out of the bed

Spends the next 30 minutes placing sticky notes in random places for you to find, using affirmations like "youre so pretty" or "you are worth it"

And when you see it the next morning you almost break down, hyunwoo restating the note over and over ♡

JUNGHOON ☆

Junghoon feels like hes not good at using his words and would accidentally offend you

So he creates a playlist

You know those body worship songs like i love my body by hwasa or any meghan trainor song?

Hes got them all in one playlist for you to listen too

And he even sings along ♡

SEEUN ☆

Seeun knew you werent one for exercising, so why not some yunmy healthy food to eat?

He knows hes not the best at cooking but he will try

And if not he'd recruit another member

Wont force you to eat all the vegetables but once he does figure out what healthy foods you like to eat. Its over

For dessert, he would hand feed you some fresh fruits ♡

YUJUN ☆

"What, no you arent." Would be yujuns first words but he knows words dont matter actions do

So with lots of kisses, he would drag you to the bathroom

Makes up a self care plan for you to do everyday, teaching you to love your body just like how he loves you

Speaking of love, he looks at you with so much love in his eyes, you feel like melting

And if you let him, he would kiss every part of your body, and pressing extra ones in the places you feel insecure ♡

HUNTER ☆

We all know how hunter journals his emotions just when hes about to go to bed

And so he requests that you do the same

Writing down your feelings makes you feel more connected to yourself, and pinpoints how you started feeling this way

And just like yujun, if you let him, he would kiss all the places where you feel insecure

And cuddles you, whispering in your ear that you are so beautiful and you should not think of yourself that way. And even if you do, hunter would do everything in his power to change your mind ♡

YECHAN ☆

Yechan thought you were joking at first

But his smile immediately drops when he finds out that you werent

Yechan would spend the next few days talking about self acceptance. Making you talk out your feelings and acknowledge your abilities

Would give examples on how this relates to him too, like when he was younger, he thought his rap was terrible

But would reassure you that what youre feeling will not last forever, and that you will see some happier days ♡

#xikers #xikers fluff #xikers drabbles #xikers imagines #xikers fanfic #kpop #xikers fanfiction #xikers au #xikersau #spotify #xikers minjae #minjae xikers #junmin xikers #xikers junmin #sumin xikers #xikers sumin #jinsik xikers #xikers jinsik #hyunwoo xikers #xikers hyunwoo #xikers junghoon #junghoon xikers #xikers seeun #seeun xikers #xikers yujun #yujun xikers #xikers hunter #hunter xikers #yechan xikers #xikers yechan

[laura1633]

Ik this isn't really a fic related thing per se but I remember watching the interview where Max talks about wanting to eat lots after he retires and Kelly kept saying No, and reading about how max will regularly have to lose like 10kg at a time that he puts on just by living his life before the season starts after break, and I find it kinda sad tbh cause I get the sense he has to bully his body into being at a weight that not natural for him cause of f1 (and yeah he gets paid lots of money for his job but I still don't think it's mentally or physically super healthy)

CW: Mentions of weight and eating disorders.

A little more of a serious post from me so feel free to by-pass this if the content warnings are upsetting to you. Also, these are just my opinions.

I know that in the past (before F1 brought the minimum weight for drivers) there were really bad practices in terms of drivers feeling pressure to lose weight. I believe Bottas has been open in talking about his struggles and I am sure there are plenty more examples of drivers being pressured (either by their teams or themselves) to lose weight.

I think even now though there is still immense pressure to keep weight down and when you look at some of the broader guys such as Max I think it must be a struggle. I don't know anything about Max's diet etc but for sure he looks like he would naturally carry more weight under normal circumstances. I understand these are top rate athletes but there is definitely a difference between having to be in-shape and having to keep weight down and forcing your body to be something it is not must have an impact day to day.

What really irritates me when you see Max carrying a little extra weight is reading certain comments online. Firstly Max holding that extra weight looks absolutely gorgeous but more importantly what some people fail to see is that that is still a really, really healthy body and it's upsetting and worrying that people can't seem to understand that. In fact the only negative comment I have ever received on here was about Max's weight and appearance which I find so sad.

So yeah, irregardless of how much someone earns I think people have a right to a healthy work environment and that includes pressures on weight.

Sorry that was a long answer but in short I agree with you anon 🥰

#Max Verstappen #weight loss #eating disorder

[anasdaughterrr]

i’ve been on this new account for a bit so here’s my motivation for reaching my gw:

•skinny thighs that look good in any sort of skirt or pants and that don’t rub together and chafe in the summertime

•feeling cleaner

•having people notice the change

•have people treat me nicer

•more attention from friends and family

•instead of my relatives commenting on how much i’m eating, they will comment on how skinny i’m looking

•i won’t ever be afraid to meet someone new in fear that their fist impression of me is that i’m fat. Instead, they’ll think “wow this girl is super pretty AND funny?”

•being the tiny friend for once in my life

•being able to finally fit the aesthetic that I want

•being able to finally take cute instagram pics

•less scared to post on social media

•i perform in musical theater, so i won’t have to worry about costumes looking bad on me

•no matter what angle someone takes a pic of me, it’ll look good

•applying my makeup will be easier because i won’t feel like i’m putting lipstick on a pig

•i will be more confident and therefore more sociable and happy (i know this from previous weight loss experience)

• dress shopping for formal events will actually be fun and not humiliating

•if the subject of weight ever comes up, i don’t have to be afraid of saying my weight out loud because i’ll be proud of it

•revenge on all the girls that called me fat

•less area to shave, apply lotion on, apply sunscreen on, and less area to wash.

•i overall won’t feel like a giant and like i’m taking up so much space whether it’s on chairs, couches, in a cramped room, etc. (i’m really tall and being tall and fat is like the worst combo because i just feel like an ogre)

• opening tumblr and not feeling guilty but instead feeling accomplished

•old teachers/ students from school looking at me and going “omg i didn’t even recognize you!” (i have had this happen before and it’s the best feeling in the world)

•sitting on my bf’s lap without feeling like i’m crushing him (as much as he claims he likes it i don’t like feeling fat)

•i’m getting older and when i get married i want my husband to be able to bridal carry me

•^^ also wedding dress NEEDS to look good on me or the wedding is cancelled

•i honestly grew up fat (before i lost a ton of weight and then gained it all back 🙄) and i really don’t want to spend the rest of my life chubby or midsized or fat. I just wanna enjoy the slim life.

•i’m very very focused on my looks and I really like when I look good.

•I want a slim face with the sunken-in look and hood cheekbones

•basically any clothes would be oversized

•most of my social anxiety would go away because I wouldn’t be focused on people thinking i’m fat

• i could share clothes with my sister (she’s super tall and skinny and has adorable clothes)

•impress my boyfriend’s family and HIS relatives (best feeling)

• i know this might sound odd but when i lost weight the first time my feet?? got smaller??? and so did my nose???? and my boobs??? all things that i would love to shrink.

•no more flabby arms that I have to hide under a cardigan or sweatshirt

•I was really athletic when i lost a bunch of weight the first time???? and i never worked out for it or did it in a healthy way so idk why i was all of a sudden super athletic but I was

•i always dreamed of being an ice skater and they’re so weightless and thin and beautiful

•halloween costumes could be so much better on my thin body instead of finding one that covers up the most fat

•prom dress looks good (i’m graduated by my bf is a senior this year and he’s taking me to prom)

• i was just more likable when i was skinny. Idk how to describe it

•believe it or not, people talk about you more when you lose weight. I was a total nobody in high school until i lost weight and then people who i didn’t even know we’re like talking about me in good ways and saying good things about me

•more friends. I know that friendship is mostly about the personality, but there are so many bitchy skinny girls with like 100 friends that all go out and do stuff together and even if they’re fake friends they’re better than no friends 🥲

• christmas and winter season in general

•imagine wearing an oversized outfit in the summer time and then whipping out the absolute perfect bikini body? goals.

that’s all for now, but i’m sure i’ll think of some more!

#an0 #an0r3c1a #an0rec1a #tw ana trigger #tw disordered eating #wl #4norexi4 #disordered eating thoughts #th!n$po #th1nsp1ration

[flock-talk]

Just want to make a list of Newts overall symptoms and behaviour changes since I really did not think he was sick at first. And seeing this list might help someone catch their bird’s illness sooner!

No major weight loss but the weight would stay stable regardless of how much he ate. He dropped a tiny bit of weight but nothing that would be noted as concerning, he stayed within his healthy weight range and we were still in the middle of getting him on a diet to bring him down to his healthy weight so it didn’t strike me as odd.

Fluctuating appetite, he continuously did want to eat but some days he would eat 7x his regular amount of pellets. He didn’t outright lose or decrease appetite which is what they normally tell you to look for. (Still unsure if this is a symptom of infection or a result of grief) he got a little picky about his vegetables (he normally gobbles up everything in sight) wanting to eat only certain ones or not eat many veggies at all

Dry sneezes. No discharge. No redness or inflammation in his nose or throat. No respiratory sounds/ wheezing/ etc. what was weird was that he was sneezing more often. Doing a couple sneezes after flying or being sneezy first thing in the morning (sneezes would stop/ decrease by midday usually). The amount of sneeze increase wasn’t always obvious either, it would be like 4 sneezes for a day when he may regularly do 1, it was just the context of the sneeze that didn’t make sense (not preening/ bathing/ scratching that would normally trigger a sneeze)

The vet’s physical exam showed nothing abnormal- healthy lungs, nose and throat. The only thing that was noted was that he had slightly more saliva production but not at any amount that would be typically indicative of illness

Completely inconsistent symptoms. The sneezing would be bad one day and then totally gone the next. Bad in the morning and fine by evening. We would change something and it would seem to alleviate the symptoms then he would start back up the next day. He would be sneezy for a week then have a whole week of seeming normal again before another week of sneezing. The only consistent factor was that morning time always had the most sneezes for that day or the only big burst.

Still completely normal as far as activity goes. Even while sneezing he would appear perky and alert. Still chewing on toys, flying, being rambunctious, preening, bathing, his overall demeanour never changed.

Droppings were all healthy and normal. Nothing discoloured or runny, completely normal. Always.

Avoided cued vocalizations. Even with high value treats he wouldn’t want to say his cued words (good boy, etc). When he did say them they were very whispered. At the time I thought this was related to losing Mia/ not wanting to be vocal since he was depressed but now I’m thinking his throat must have been sore/ congested.

No real excessive scratching or face rubbing, he would just scratch his nose after a sneeze which isn’t totally uncommon to begin with

And a video of the sneeze fit at it’s worst, he would sneeze like this just once at the start of the week only in the morning. By the end of the day it would just be bursts of 1-2 sneezes following flight, every subsequent day would just have weirdly placed sneezes, these big sneeze fits in the video only happened twice during the entire symptomatic period and always right at the start of the next weird sneezy week cycle.

Because of how inconsistent it was, how dry the sneezes were, and all of this following the loss of Mia and start of bird room construction I assumed that it was either related to his allergies (which had an identical sneeze fit), or an airborne contaminant and the behaviour/ diet changes were related to grief.

After exhausting every option at home without any consistent improvements we hit up the vet and he was placed on a broad antibiotic just to play it safe. Within 24 hours the sneezing stopped entirely. Three full days in now with 0 symptoms and him putting on weight as he normally would again.

If you’ve got any questions feel free to ask them, anything to help others be able to recognize illness that doesn’t fit the stereotypical “sick” symptom list!

#newt #illness #symptoms

[accio-victuuri]

xiao zhan interview with mr.bags @ tod’s store:

ZZ: What a coincidence, he met me, I am Xiao Zhan

🎤: How about Zhan Zhan How many days have you been in Milan

ZZ: let’s say four or five days, alas, four days, three days, three days

🎤: Do you still have jet lag? Is there any city or place that you want to check in when you come to Europe this time?

ZZ: I think there are so many .. Florence and Rome that I want to visit..

🎤: Do you remember when we met last time, I was actually very fat, and since then I have lost about 20 yuan, so I feel like a weight loss blogger

ZZ: You said that

🎤: But I found that you seem to be in good shape all the time. What kind of exercise do you usually do?

ZZ: I do less aerobic exercise now because I want to build muscle, so I do some weight exercises

🎤: for example

ZZ: Press, squat, etc.

🎤: Then you practice this exercise to prepare for the later scenes?

ZZ: Actually, I want a healthy body

🎤: I have been losing weight and controlling my weight, but last time I lost weight, I still ate too much. What did I eat? Hotpot.

🎤: As an authentic Chongqing native, what is your favorite food?

ZZ: Hot pot, small noodles, miscellaneous sauce noodles, Jianghu ( common folk dishes ) dishes are also good

🎤: Do you have a favorite hot pot, because I only found out last time, what kind of potato shreds are these?

ZZ: You can put them in the hot pot, dry tribute vegetables, then beef and old meat slices

#xiao zhan

[gym-sesh-with-momo]

Tips for the gym

Many of us go to the gym for a number of reasons, whether it's to stay healthy, build muscle or look good. I go to the gym to build muscle, lose body fat and build strength. If you're looking to build muscle in an optimal fashion, I have some steps for you to take that can help you achieve your goals. I've used these steps to help me along my gym journey and I along with others, can personally attest to their effectiveness. Now that I'm finished with my yapping, here are my top tips to train optimally.

Tip #1: Find your goals

Ask yourself this question: “What am I hoping to achieve at the gym?” Do you want to get shredded with a 6-pack? Do you want to develop your athletic abilities? Do you just want to lift as heavy as possible? Ask yourself what you want to do at the gym so you can better achieve those results and better apply it in your training.

Tip #2: Know the different kinds of fitness

Many people go to the gym exclusively for weight training, but that's not all the world of fitness has to offer, there are many different kinds of fitness that you may benefit from such as: cardio to help burn excess calories, plyometrics for explosive power, powerlifting, which is all about lifting as much as possible, crossfit if you want to train poorly, etc. I enjoy just simply weight training with some cardio as I look to build muscle and build an aesthetic body, but you might enjoy power lifting so try ‘em out and find whichever one you like best.

Tip #3: Train till failure and rest

Studies show that training till failure will result in muscles with higher strength gains and better hypertrophy than not training till failure. It's also recommended that you aim for lower reps as to fatigue your muscles less and speed up your recovery. Speaking of recovery, make sure you take rest days because your muscles grow during recovery. Depending on the split you're using, I'd recommend taking a rest day once or twice a week to make sure your muscles have the proper time to recover.

Tip #4: Watch what you eat

Your nutrition is arguably the most important factor in the fitness world, making sure you're eating properly will help you make gains faster than otherwise not. If you're trying to build muscle like me, you can follow the steps that I follow, which is to take your BW (body weight) and eat around 1g-1.5g of protein per lbs of BW. Change up your protein intake depending on the training you're doing. You'll also want to make sure you set up your meals with the right macronutrients, macronutrients being protein, fat, carbohydrates, sugars, vitamins, etc. Supplementation can be an effective way of getting your vitamins and minerals if, let's say or a picky eater or have food allergies. Finally, one of the most important things about nutrition and I would know this more than anyone. It's okay to take a cheat day, taking a cheat day makes it much, much easier to actually stick to your diet. I always have a cheat day once a week because it makes my meals much more enjoyable. Also, when I can eat junk foods on my cheat day it feels like a reward for making it through the week.

Tip #5: Be Patient

This is the most important rule of working out, it requires patience and discipline. I remember when young Momo started working out for the first time and he was so frustrated that he'd been going to the gym for two weeks and hadn't seen any results. Imagine if I stopped then and didn't continue to the place I am now, don't make the mistake of being impatient. The results will be worth it, trust me.

Thank you for reading my post and I hope you use some of these tips in your training.

#gym #encouragement #nutrition #self care #exercise

[velinediary]

MY STORY WITH BINGE EATING DISORDER

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏.

Warning:

If you are facing this and believe that this disorder is becoming something more serious, please seek help. Even if you feel that you engage in this behavior very "rarely," I sincerely urge you to reach out to a professional who can assist you in overcoming it, as we cannot wait for it to worsen.

Also, I want to mention that I am not a professional in psychology, so if I give these pieces of advice, it is for you to take them with caution. If you believe they can help you, take them, otherwise, you can leave them.

Introduction:

Hello, little flowers! 💗

This is a topic that I am still struggling with today, but I wanted to share my experience and how I have somewhat reduced this eating behavior since 2020. It is not something I achieved overnight, and for those who have gone through or are still going through this, it is not easy to "stop" when you want to devour everything in your refrigerator.

Story:

My story begins from a very young age when my family would mock or make comments about my slim body. Because of this, I tried to eat more to have a fuller figure, and just when I started feeling good about my slightly curvier body, a family member made a comment that I needed to lose weight, and that's where it all began.

It was around 2018, I was about 13 years old, and I started exercising intensely, almost every day. As carbohydrates were demonized at that time, I ate very little. Consequently, I ate very little in the mornings, almost the same in the afternoons, and in the evenings, I only had a cup of tea. I still don't know how I managed to eat so little and not starve myself. I had only one day to eat something I wanted, like a cookie, a slice of pizza, a chocolate bar, etc. That was it, and it was the same every week. Yes, of course, I lost weight... but not in a healthy way. I can't say for sure if I had anorexia because I was never diagnosed, but I stopped that behavior in 2019 because I had met someone romantically who told me to eat more because I looked too thin. And I listened to him.

Here, I started eating a lot and going to the gym to have a more voluminous figure. I made certain changes, and although that happened, he didn't stay with me.

Then came the pandemic, which not only brought tremendous transformations in various aspects of my life but also for many others.

In 2020, I committed myself to shaping my body to be more "curvaceous" and "toned," or at least that's what I thought at 15 years old... I noticed a big difference, but for a girl who was in the midst of her development during adolescence, all I should have been doing was enjoying myself, not desperately striving for a body of a 25-year-old woman! I had become obsessed, and since I would restrict myself from various "bad foods" during the week, I would eat like a hungry wolf on the weekends and spend the time crying over it. I felt terrible after each binge, with tearful eyes, asking myself, "When will all of this end? When will be the day I stop doing this?"

Due to these episodes, I sought professional help, but it didn't yield results. I went to a nutritionist who created a meal plan for me, but it only worsened my disorder as it restricted certain foods. Of course, my mistake was also not directly telling them about the problem I was going through, and they focused on creating meal plans for athletes. It was like a bomb because it triggered more binges.

I decided to end everything related to exercise and the meal plan in November of that same year to stop having food binges. That's how, by 2021, I "gained weight" in a way, especially since I wasn't exercising as much. Nevertheless, I continued to have binges, and even though I tried to control them, I couldn't, even with the help of a psychologist. Don't get me wrong, she helped me a lot, but sometimes the recovery process requires years of therapy.

The following year... everything got worse. Not only was I dealing with this disorder, but I also experienced depressive episodes that lasted for months, and during those months, I would eat so much, you can't even imagine... My worst fear was coming true; I had gained a significant amount of weight. I can tell you that I had never seen myself like that before; I felt completely defeated, but I couldn't escape from it. My self-esteem plummeted to the point where I didn't want to be seen; I covered myself completely, even my face. It was difficult for me to go to university in such a terrible state; I felt ruined, among other things.

The binge days were no longer just on weekends; it was almost every day. That year, I remember it as a time of pure self-hatred, not only because of my terrible eating habits but also because of what I was going through. All I did was swallow and swallow; I didn't exercise, I didn't take care of myself, etc. It was a journey of terror... But during that time, I met someone who made me blossom. I truly thank that person for appearing in my life; I don't think I could have gotten out of that on my own.

By the end of 2022, I made some progress until early 2023 when I fell back into old habits... Eating poorly, binging, etc. This continued until the end of July when I put a stop to it and promised myself that I wouldn't let myself be trapped in that vicious cycle, that I would take responsibility for myself and take care of myself. In the following months leading up to 2024, I took better care of myself, trying to eat as well as possible without restricting myself, and occasionally exercising. I felt good and more beautiful; now, I was more focused on myself and felt better.

Then, in 2024, I firmly started my journey: exercising, having a diet that suited my needs, and being disciplined about it. Now, if there were days when I ate too much, I didn't deprive myself of food in the following days like I used to; I just stayed focused on my goals and what I wanted. I swear, I had never felt so beautiful, so lovely, so perfect in my own way.

Currently, I feel incredible and have higher self-esteem, especially since I started practicing affirmations, which have boosted my confidence and security. I affirm that this benefits people, as it is supported by psychology that it does work.

In conclusion, I want to mention that my binges haven't completely disappeared, but when they happen, I no longer feel that sense of guilt. I know that it could take years to "get rid of it completely," so I will continue to fight until I achieve it, even if it takes a long time. Now, I'm not as afraid of gaining weight; I always remind myself that my body is constantly changing, and I won't always look the same. I have a whole lifetime to achieve my desired body, so I don't torture myself to achieve it right now. I am enjoying my progress and living life because life is not solely about our bodies, but about who we are, the experiences we have, the moments we cherish, and much more.

Lessons learned:

♡ I've learned that when I have these binges, I try to forget about them as if they didn't happen, to avoid judging or cursing myself for what I did. I take it easy and continue with my routine the next morning.

♡ I suggest that you also reflect on why or what circumstances triggered the binge, so you can identify any patterns you may be following and avoid returning to the same behavior in the future.

♡ I always recommend seeking help from a psychologist or someone professionally trained in psychology to support you throughout your journey. If it is within your means, of course. Otherwise, seek reliable information on how to deal with it and seek support from people who have gone through similar experiences.

Personal note:

My dear ones, please take care of yourselves and don't try to achieve your desired body in a way that could harm your life. I know it's not easy to break free from this, but lean on someone close or someone you trust to provide support.

Remember that your body is a temple, and it should be cared for with flowers. Your body will always fluctuate, but that doesn't mean you look bad, my dear. Your body will look incredible in many ways, and if, in any case, you wish to change it, do so without restricting any food or skipping meals, as those are some of the main causes that lead to these food binges. In any case, I suggest seeking guidance from a nutritionist specialized in eating disorders who can guide you.

Sending you a kiss. You are not alone, my beautiful one. Together, we will overcome this! I care about you. 🫂❤️

#eating disoder trigger warning #tw eating issues #disordered eating mention #inspiring quotes #healthy eating #bingedisorder #mental health #mental health positivity #healing journey #self confidence #self care #girlblogger #girlblogging #inspiration #self improvement #self love #take care of yourself #eating disoder recovery #recovery #psychology #self acceptance #self help #self awareness #self reflection #reflection #self concept #self esteem #afirmations #afirmaciones #advertising

[futurewriter2000]

Low budget in losing weight: pt. 1 - food

As somebody, who grew up on the chubbier and over-weight side the entirety of my life, I can say that I have tried the easiest, the hardest, the middle, the expensive and the cheapest ways of losing weight.

I'm not a professional, I'm not a gym rat or extremely into diets. I'm a normal 23 year old, who eats as normally as I can when it comes to losing weight and throughout the last 5 years, I had realised a lot of things that comes with it.

First thing is that I am quite heavy, when it comes to the scale (101,7kg) but I want to point out that at my height (171cm), I should be 65kg. I can say, that I have been that weight and it didn't suit me at all. My family has always been like stronger women, not in the obese way but my aunts and my mom, we all have strong thighs or big breast. I also have chubbier hands on my dad's side (which, he likes to call it "worker's hands"), so when it comes to your body, you should always include your genetics because in the process of losing weight, the genetics play a big role. Such, with me, coming from a line of strong, bigger women, I cannot have less than 75kg because then I look sick and dried up. Also my imune system is horrible and my hair began to fall out during my weightloos journey back in 2020. My hands will always look chubby and my thighs will always be big. It's genetics. So, the scale, shows how you weigh, not how obese you are. That should also include the fact that in the process of losing fat and gaining muscles, you will get havier because muscle mass is heavier than fat. The number on the scale is irrelevant when it comes your weight-loss journey because all in all, you want to have a toner and more defined body, which shows even if the number on the scale increases.

If you are a beginner of all beginners at all of this, the first week is the hardest. The first week, you probably won't eat healthy, you would probably eat sugar still, eat more meals than you should because you are not used to controlling your intake. That doesn't mean you are failing, it just means that you are trying and that is the process of healthier lifestyle.

Now, I haven't really grew up with a lot of money so salmon, avocados, those expensive proteins- that didn't really play into my journey. I was devestated because I thought it was a big block in my journey. Reality check- it isn't.

There are high protein foods though (eggs, tuna, protein bars, chicken etc.) and foods strong in fiber (apples, oats,...). If you're not a fan of it, you don't have to eat oatmeal every morning. Don't force yourself to eat something you don't want to. Balance it. Today I ate bread, mayo, pork salami and cheese. No eggs, no oats. Oh, and a chocolate pudding. You know why? Because it's breakfast and breakfast is king of all meals. The best thing you should do is start eating breakfast because you will be less hungry in the evening, not eating or snacking after 8pm. At breakfast, you break fast, so you should eat somehing strong to keep your energy levels high throughout the day.

Balancing food in the process of trying to lose weight is actually a struggle. You cannot snap your fingers and decide the next day that from that moment on you will eat healthier. Every food is healthy. Understand that. Oats are just as healthy as bread. Apple can increase your insulin levels just as chocolate can. The only difference is the intake. If you eat too much of chocolate, you'll feel sick but if you also eat too much of apple, you'll feel sick. People are used to over-eating. That's why the first week is the hardest, because you will continue the habit of over-eating but in your second week, your body will start to force you to stop over-eating.

#healthy eating #healthy lifestyle #healthy living #nutrition #losing weight #weight loss diet

[amysubmits]

hey Amy, I wish your doing well..

I wanted to ask you for an advice.

I am not really self conscious about my body and my body image and how much I weight, but I am not really confident in my body either. In the last month or two I have gained weight not much but it was my first time seeing that number on the scale, I am fine with it and I am accepting it because it was final exams season and I was under so much stress so I am going easy on myself. And so was my Daddy, he has been supporting, didnt make me feel bad about it. But he said after you are done with your finals you will eat better and lose the extra weight, it was like him caring for me rather than him saying that as an order. I do agree that I wanna get in shape better, eat better and exercise to just get me back on check. Now that I am done with my finals, I was telling him about me being thick and that a pair of pants got so tight on me and he responded with yes you are thick and you "need" to lose a little bit of weight. The way he said it made me upset, that he said I "need" to. I honestly don't know if am a little overreacting or not, can you advise me on how to communicate better in such situations..

PS he isn't toxic and he isn't controlling and he loves my body and always supports me, this our 1st incident regarding my weight at all..

Hi Anon,

I think it's super understandable that you feel hurt by what he said even if he didn't mean it negatively at all.

Like you, I don't see myself as having body-image issues in general. I feel really privileged for that.

And yet...I know I would still have a really negative reaction if anyone told me they thought I needed to lose weight. In a lot of ways, that coming from your partner makes it extra painful, I'd think.

I can't tell for sure from your ask if he was basically giving his opinion of what he thinks you should do, or if he was saying that you eating better and losing weight would be something he's imposing on you as your dom. If it was the latter, I personally really disagree with that. I just think weight loss is something that should not be brought into D/s. I think eating healthier can maybe be okay in some D/s dynamics but I think that should only happen if it's coming from the sub.

For lots of things, I think it's okay for the dom to propose rules or expectations. Of course, the sub would still have to agree to those ideas for them to be implemented. But eating, diet, exercise, etc are one of the areas where I think rules or expectations should only be brought into D/s if they are suggested by the sub, and if they are coming from a healthy mindset. For example, if a sub wanted to start exercising 4x a week, not because they hate themselves, but for emotionally healthy reasons, and they asked their Dom to hold them to that expectation, I think that can be okay for some subs. But I don't think a dom should ever tell a sub that they need to start exercising or eating a certain way. And even when a sub is the one initiating the change, I think it's best to focus it on a positive replacement rather than on a negative. For example, I think a rule like "eating 3 servings of veggies per day" is a way healthier rule to use to encourage healthy changes rather than "No more than 1 sweet/dessert per week". I don't think that a requirement or expectation of weight loss is ever okay to bring into D/s. I guess I should put a disclaimer in here that this is just my values, I'm not a mental health professional or anything like that. I feel pretty strongly though that some things like expecting weight loss or having a dom control a subs food intake, is really unhealthy. And, given that your dom has now said you 'need to' lose weight, I personally would have a hard time giving him power of anything to do with your eating or fitness because I would struggle to see even positive rules/expectations as being well intended now.

Anyway. My goal with the conversation you have with your Dom would be to express the following:

That it hurt your feelings when they said that you need to lose weight. That you disagree that you need to and that it's a hurtful thing to say even if you did feel you needed to lose weight.

That you haven't consented to them controlling your weight or your diet, so them telling you what you were going to do in this area is not appropriate.

With you saying that you felt that they had your best interest in mind, you can sort of soften these statements some by explaining that you know they meant well. Still, that doesn't change that they hurt you and overstepped their role so it's important to make that clear. It's really about defending your boundaries or the limits of your D/s dynamic.

If you agree with me that this just isn't an area that D/s should be involved with, I'd encourage you to express that belief to him so that he understands it's not really about exclusively what he said, and is more about it just not being a healthy thing to do with D/s.

Or - if he wasn't trying to impose these eating and weight loss expectations on you in a D/s way, but still stated it as something you need to do? Then I'd still explain to him that it was hurtful, and then explain how as a sub, if he tells you that you need to do something, even if he isn't specifically proposing it as a rule or D/s expectation, that as his sub, anytime he tells you that you 'need' to do something, it carries a lot more weight than someone else saying the same thing would. In this case, I'd think he needs to recognize how powerful his words are to you.

Best of luck to you.

Ps - I am a bit worried that this post might trigger some strong reactions from other people. It's a really sensitive topic. So before I even publish this, I want to add that the reason I am not providing a more strongly-worded reaction myself is because the anon specifically said she feels her dom is not toxic, and that he was coming from a place of care. My instinct is to not see a statement like 'you need to lose weight' that way - but I trust that she knows her dom better than I ever could from a single ask. So I based my answer around trusting her assumption.

#weight loss cw #weight loss tw #body image cw #body image tw #asks

[smtiv]

.

i don't really feel like talking about this on my public twitter but i have a need to vent about this and also just to help me get the timeline correct in my head.

so two years ago in november 2021 i was sick with strep throat. it took three different dumbass doctors to properly test and diagnose me and by then i was being overprescribed antibiotics. after finishing those, i got a yeast infection of course, which i took OTC suppositories for and i think that got rid of it (honestly i just didn't want to see a doctor again lol). fast-forward to january 2022 and i start experiencing weird throat symptoms (difficulty swallowing, lump feeling in the throat, coughing/choking etc). i thought i was sick with strep again but everything was coming up negative.

a couple months later i go see an ENT doctor and he says i have silent reflux, prescribes me a PPI and tells me to decrease acidic foods in my diet. that only made it worse. i stopped taking them after three months. then i go see a GI doctor for an endoscopy and this guy fucking sucked. at my follow-up he didn't even go over my results with me, just said "everything's fine. you're young and healthy so stay positive." to this day i still want to throttle him. when i saw my primary doctor she actually went over my results and said they found gastritis and esophagitis. suggested i go on a low-fodmap diet. that doesn't change anything and i continue to lose weight, feel sick all the time, fatigued, increasingly anxious and depressed, throat issues are persisting, and this continues into 2023 when i have a massive meltdown and spiraled pretty much for the entire year. my health got worse, my allergies got worse (suddenly have a peanut allergy when i've never had any reactions to it before), i suddenly developed asthma and it's been impossible to cope.

in november last year i saw another ENT who suggested i see another GI doctor to get more internal testing done. but for some reason his referral was invalid (?) and they refused to schedule me so i played phone tag with them and my primary doctor's office for 3 weeks before giving up. earlier this week i saw a naturopathic doctor and after going over my symptoms she believes it's a candida overgrowth that started in my gut and has now invaded my entire system because the antibiotics completely wiped out the healthy bacteria. cool. i got thorough blood tests done and i took a stool test kit home to mail back to them. i have a follow up in less than two weeks to go over my results and hopefully discuss treatment and supplements. i've made some changes to my diet the past couple weeks which has helped me regain weight and lessened my symptoms a little but it's not enough currently.

i really just want my life back and the stress has been killing me. this shit causes the worst brain fog i've ever experienced in my life and i can barely enjoy drawing, reading, writing, studying etc anymore. i have to be so careful about what i eat, my breathing and sinuses are awful, i can't sleep. it sucks. i just hope i can heal from this.

#discussing health issues

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Thanks for answering my previous ask!

I have nobody to share this with so hopefully you won't mind me sharing it here: So far, recovery has been going pretty ok for me. For now, I'm avoiding the mirror and I shower with the lights off, and those are behaviours I'll have to work on one day too but for now it seems to be the best course of action, because seeing myself in the mirror would most likely cause me to relapse. Especially since I know for a fact that I'm totally bloated right now, so whatever I'd see in the mirror wouldn't even be an accurate reflection, but my disordered mind wouldn't listen to that.

I'm currently going through the dreaded extreme hunger phase, which is partly why I'm so bloated lol. For the first few days I've been alright with it but it's like the 4th day of my mind and stomach both screaming for food like vultures and tbh I'm starting to feel kinda guilty about it. I realise that it's a part of the process and that it's good for my organism and that my body is trying to repair itself, but my ED is slowly rearing its ugly head and scolding me a ton, saying that I'll gain weight, trying to convince me to look in the mirror, etc. So far I've been able to resist and I also keep reminding myself that I SHOULD gain weight because I've been horrfically underweight all of my life and I'd be much better off at a healthy weight. The only problem that keeps weighing on me is that I have a really big issue with folds. Even though folds are completely normal and everyone who's not very underweight has them when they slouch or sit, my mind has somehow become convinced that rolls mean being fat. I'm not sure how to get rid of that mentality. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Another thing I found out is that I might have to give up romantic relationships for the time being. Even though I've struggled with anorexia for most of my life, going through on and off phases, my last relapse and the worst I've ever had occurred after I got into a relationship. Specifically it seems that a lot of my behaviour hinges on the obsession with being "perfect" for my partner. I can't let go of thinking about needing to be as thin and hourglass-shaped as possible for my partner, and I can't let go of the fear that if I get to a normal weight and perhaps lose some of that hourglass look, he won't find me attractive anymore and will leave me. I'm like constantly horrified of the possibility of being seen naked or in tight clothes, I'm plagued by the desire to be as attractive to him as possible and then to stay exactly like that for as long as possible. I attempted to talk to him about it before considering breaking up, but he made it clear that he doesn't wish to discuss my mental health problems with me, and as much as I'd like to, I can't just turn this problem off with a flip of a switch. So I decided that I'll most likely break my relationship off and stop dating altogether until I manage t somehow fix my chain of thought. At least I personally think that's the best solution for now.

I definitely don't mind you sharing! I usually do post things my followers choose to share, since I think it can really help create solidarity among the ED community. It can show others that they are not alone, and sharing recovery tips is always a plus too!

It seems like you've got some great harm reduction strategies in place in the form of avoiding scrutinizing your body while you prioritize getting regular nutrients into you again. That's really important. I think you're right that you will eventually have to learn to be able to view your body again, but if you just need to avoid visual triggers in order to eat better, that definitely comes first. You might want to practice just falling in love with your body exactly as it is - as the vessel that is doing its best to take care of you and keep you alive.

So, for example, if you did catch a glimpse of yourself and you happened to notice some recovery bloat or other triggers, you could take time to say to yourself, "That is my body doing what it needs to do to heal me. My body is trying its best to make me healthy and well, and this is what it needs to do." I think body image issues are something shared by all people who are going through health issues, since bodies do tend to do weird stuff while they're healing. Illness is only pretty on TV, not in real life.

Maybe when your ED is scolding you, you can take some time to examine where those thoughts are coming from? Like you could say "I wonder if I should be scolded for enjoying my food as humans do?" Or "I don't think it's such a bad thing to allow my body to heal." Don't try to fight the thoughts or stop them from coming, even though they're hard. Just gently challenge those thought patterns so that you can adjust your thought patterns gradually and become more aware of them. This is what I'd suggest especially when you start thinking about things like rolls, which seem to be a big trigger for you. You can perhaps engage with the thought directly, and say things to yourself like "If I need to hurt myself to pursue a roll-free body, is that something really worth pursuing?" Keep in mind that, since you're deep in ED thoughts, your mind might respond with "yes." As I mentioned before, trying to fight off negative thoughts will only give you more anxiety around them. Instead, acknowledge them, consider what feelings are causing them. The negative thoughts will not change overnight. It will take practice.

I'd also suggest, and this may take practice since it sounds like you've struggled with fear of fatness for a long time, that you just take a moment, when you have the capacity for it, to address how you have learned to think about fat bodies. Do people who are truly fat deserve less love, less respect, less estimation of worth? Society may have taught you that they do, but I think it's time to challenge that. Again, your mentality won't change overnight, so don't beat yourself up.

Lastly, I think it's so, so strong of you to prioritize your health over this relationship. That is such a hard choice to make! But honestly, even though it's really difficult now, I think you will realize down the line that someone who doesn't want to talk about/support your mental health is someone you can't build a healthy relationship with down the line. I hope you get lots of quality time to spend just pouring lots of love and energy into yourself, and perhaps work with a therapist on some of the body and intimacy issues you've been dealing with, if therapy is an option for you. I hope that you get together with someone down the line who is interested in building a relationship based on mutual support!

#ed recovery #body image #F/O/F #ana recovery #long post

[enbyskin]

So, here i’m back again. i kinda don’t want to, and want to at the same time.

Ed brains are so complex.

i tried recovery so much.

It was so painful in the process, from emotions to anxiety to literally physical pain caused by the digestion, the bloating, after starvation and laxatives. i remember getting triggered so many times by other’s comments. trying to prove some doctors that i was sick enough, even if i didn’t succeed to lose more than 20kg. some of them don’t care about your illness and suffering if you’re not underweight, if you still have your period, etc.

i am not skinny. that still feels like a failure on the inside.

i’m healthier now tho. i have more energy, my hair falls just the regular amount, im not close to faint when i stand up too fast, im not freezing cold all the time. i’m less pale, my face looks less flat. i smile more, i live more.

that should sounds like a victory, but that still feels like a failure on the inside.

•

i remember when i got on that side of tumblr the first time. my account was terminated 3 times. that’s why i don’t put barely any tags anymore. even when you’re not okay and try to vent a bit, strangers try to silence you to let you d!e. your simple existence bothers them. i’m not even one of these big accounts, and i’m not promoting this shit to others. i’m just trying to survive and feel less alone on the way.

A year has passed since my ED diagnosis, i got my yearly appointment to check where i was nowadays. i’m still at the same weight since a year, i’ve gained like 6kg after my first recovery attempt (even while eating like a 5 years old) and had to fight to lose them in the most healthy way possible, and maintain my weight in recovery rather than gaining. That still feels like a failure on the inside.

i feel so confused tonight cause i know i don’t want to feel obsessed and having my mind controlled by food and numbers again all the time, but also i remember how i smiled when that one doctor (the only one who cared, bless her) told me that even if i was still overweight as my BMI said, i was also severely malnourished.

•

so many contradicting words in my head.

« you are severely malnourished. » said this nutrition doctor at the hospital last year.

« you probably eat more than you think, because if that was true, you would be skinny » said my current psychiatrist this year. he made me get back at counting calories, because i was scared he was right.

« hm, 1200 calories per day seems enough for an adult person like you » he said when i calculed my daily intake over a month after that. i was in recovery but still eating around 1200 cal. that’s what a 2 years old child need daily. he didn’t believe me when i told him i was supposed to eat 2000 daily and that, therefore, i was still in some kind of restriction and looking for help, to do better. no everything’s fine to him.

« you look so hot and desirable as you are, thick is better than skinny » said one of my situationship.

« wow you look so young » said this girl at my school when learning my age, « that must be because you have a round face with round cheeks like children » she added to ruin everything.

« yeah that’s what it is to be fat, you age better » said another girl at my school, as a compliment. i was mortified on the inside.

« are you sleeping/eating well ? » asked a random doctor from my school. « well, in fact, i have an eating disorder, that i’m trying to recover from » i said to her. « ohh so you’re eating too much? » she assumed by looking at me. it says it all.

« wow the meal is looking so empty now you served yourself a plate » laughed my best friend and his girlfriend, after i said to them that i need no comments on my weight or my food in recovery. why they do not care ?

how to ruin any person’s attempt to get better. everytime.

•

i don’t know what should i do now. i’m torn.

One part of me wants to accept that i’ll stay that way and that it’s enough work done, that i should just learn to live with the mixed feelings i have, keep focused on recovery. the other part wants to surprise people when they’ll see me at school after summer, to get my flat cheeks again, to get back that sense of validation i got when people saw me eat and thought it was not much or not enough, when they complimented me on my weight loss, to get back the sense of security i felt through my silly controlling routines and limits.

#tw ed thoughts #ed vent #c🌧️ #c🦋

[newtafterdark]

Okay, I gotta write this somewhere because it has not left my brain since yesterday.

There's a pretty big channel on german youtube hosted by a man who mainly focuses on reporting on the questionable work of german politicians, as well as general politics. I genuinely enjoy his work and it's important to have a guy like him in the broad media space we have on german youtube.

But his recent video on body positivity did not sit completely right with me.

I agree on his point that body neutrality is what we need, with folks being able to simply exist and not being torn down for not meeting specific beauty standards. His disability is visible (he is missing an eye) and I understand the anger of how much of his young years were a social nightmare because children AND adults are awful about things like that.

But him getting just as angry about folks with big bodies who just want to exist as such? Based on a TV interview with a (weight) doctor & a big lady he was watching? Because he didn't like it that the big lady was disagreeing with a random doctor?

I understand that this might come across as me as reading too much meanspiritness into his video, but still-

I do not care for doctors on TV. Especially when they so broadly speak about fat bodies. Treating all folks with fat bodies in the way of "change this for your health" on TV is not helping.

Those of us who can loose the weight they gained out of laziness alone and no other factor, fine, they can change things & lose weight as they please.

But there are so many factors on people being fat that got absolutely glossed over by this video… and if you focus on the body positivity movement, you can not ignore those parts.

Many doctors are biased. They will assume you lie to them when you don't lose weight from the food & exercise plan they gave you.

Hell, in my case it took doctors well into my mid-20 to figure out that I have a thyroid issue and THAT is why I always been as big as I am.

Some of us have disabilities, visible and invisible - from bone issues to picky eating from stomach issues, specific medication they must not stop taking, etc… where it just leads to loosing weight is not easy or even possible.

And then, of course, there is the money issue. Global current inflation aside, even previously it is hard in many parts of the world to feed yourself a balanced diet with the little money you do have at your disposal.

… … I just didn't like the whole thing of "if you are fat, you are not healthy, stop fishing for compliments online".

His whole thing of making fun of him being "cishet" at the start of the video doesn't help when a lot of queer folks to develop eating disorders because of general AND in-community relationships to who is "supposed" to have what body shape.

How dare gay and trans folks find comfort in being big and live a happy life like that? How dare we find big bodies attractive?

Just... man.

I am sitting here with the vibe of "if you're fat, there is nothing to compliment there" from his video and that just makes me feel nauseous, as the folks who watch him just nod along bc they already agree with his other takes.

I personally find it simply a rancid take to deny fat folks a bit of positivity in their lives despite their appearance because you haven't found some with your own.

My man, we are ALL fighting for crumbs here.

You are usually so good at going after the people who are holding the bread.

Why aren't you this time?

#german stuff #newt's ramblings #tw fatphobia #tw ableism #I've just had these thoughts rotating in my brain #I guess this all got started by the twitch clip of him legit screaming on stream over the topic that lead to his video #again - I usually love the man's work #but not this one #I don't feel well supporting a man who can't handle that things are not black and white when it's about things like this #speaking as both an on-off fat queer person with disabilities