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zukosdualdao · 27 days

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through all of the shadowy corners of me

zutara month, day three: (re)meet ugly/meet cute. @zutaramonth

summary: as katara's plans on the anniversay of her mother's murder fall apart, she ducks into a teashop to wait out the storm and finds herself familiar with the rude tea server she comes face to face with and promptly bursts into tears. because of-fucking-course.

warnings: grief, nightmares, references to kya's murder (and ursa's disappearance, though that is less explicit), and references to ableism wrt facial differences. also, just, some lightly gratuitous swearing, on behalf of katara's no good very bad day. she deserves it.

other notes: title taken from landon piggs’ falling in love at a coffeeteashop. because i am basic in that way.

Katara’s pretty sure the universe is conspiring against her.

First, it was the fucking felt-tip markers being all dried up—damn it Sokka—she needed for the posters for the protest she was supposed to head.

(She tries not to think about how really, first, it was the dream she woke up from, that she wakes up from often, but especially on this day, the dream with fearful eyes and the ominous drip of blood and the feeling of too late too late too late. The dream that is also a memory.)

Someone had to make the posters—because seriously, why was the school shutting down the campus food bank when a third of the student population was food-insecure?— so she missed her first class of the day to get new ones from the closest craft store, over half an hour way with traffic. There was supposed to be a quiz, too, and the professor is notoriously stubborn about absences and make-ups.

And then there was this huge storm, so they couldn’t even have the protest today like they’d planned.

Now, as Katara ducks out of the rain and into the tiny little hole-in-the-wall ambient tea shop—The Jasmine Dragon, the sign had said—which is all warm lighting and soft ringing laughter from the bare few patrons inside, she figures she can at least get a cup of something hot to drink. It’s been a truly horrible day, and she can’t wait to get back home, sleep for ten hours straight, and wipe it from the record of her memory, but right now, this is her one saving grace.

So, when she gets to the second place in line, very patiently waiting as the server at the front snipes at the man in front of her, part of her wants to reel up to confront him. Sure, she knows customer service can be a day-in, day-out nightmare—she didn’t spend her first two semesters waiting tables because it was fun—but really, he could at least try to be a little nicer. The man wasn’t doing anything wrong, as far as she could see.

When she gets to the front, Katara opens her mouth to say—something, she doesn’t know what—and is caught off-guard to find that she recognizes him faintly. With his eyes the color of amber, swoopy, dark hair, and a shiny, painful-looking burn scar set against the left side of his face, on her right—yes, he was a boy who was in Sokka’s class back in high school. And he was a total jerk, barely speaking a word to anyone except to get into arguments, whether with teachers or other kids. She didn’t know him all that well herself, but she’d never liked him from the stories Sokka told or for the way he seemed to bristle at everyone and everything as she watched from a morbidly curious distance.

Zuko. Yes, she remembers him.

“Can I help you?” he asks, his voice almost a snarl when she spends a beat too long taking in his features, though he’s not looking at her, instead glancing down at his scratchpad. “I’m supposed to tell all of the customers we’re out of the oolong,” he adds in a rough voice, without looking up.

Katara wants to rage, wants to scream, why does he think he gets to treat people like that, god, at least have the decency to look me in the eye and treat me like a person when you’re being a dick—but instead, she bursts into tears.

Very loud, messy tears. It’s been a long day.

And, well. He certainly looks up then.

“Um,” Zuko says in lieu of an actual reaction, his right eye wide. His expression has softened considerably, his mouth shaped in surprise, his browline furrowed. “We have jasmine?” he tries.

Well, she thinks as he stands there stiffly, the perfect image of a deer in headlights, before reaching over the counter to push the napkin dispenser toward her, this is humiliating.

At least it’s not terribly busy in here. There’s no one standing beside her, and she only feels one or two worried glances from the tables, the shop mostly empty.

“Sorry,” Katara says through her tears. “God, I’m sorry. I just—I’m having awful day,” she says, motioning to her face as a way of explanation before yanking a napkin out from the dispenser to dry her face.

Zuko’s lip curls in what she thinks might be sympathy.

“Me, too,” he admits on a sigh. “Sorry. What can I get for you?”

“Um,” she says, shaking her head and smiling through still teary eyes. God. “A cup of jasmine tea would actually be nice.”

“Sure.”

She pays quickly and tries to ignore his eyes as they follow her over to the tiny round table she chooses in the corner. One cup, she thinks. She’ll drink one cup of tea and be out of here quicker than even the lightning flaring outside, before anyone can say anything about it, and then head back to her apartment and think through every turn in life that got her there, sobbing in line at a tea shop as a mean boy she knew from high school tried not to call her on it.

But he has other plans, because when he brings her order to her, he doesn’t just leave like he’s supposed to, standing there for several awkward moments that feel as though they’re spanning lifetimes.

Yeah. The universe is definitely conspiring against her.

“So… you’re… good now?”

Katara stares at him blankly for a moment, feeling her jaw grow a little slack.

“Are you… checking on me?”

A beat. “I’m just very committed to customer service,” Zuko deadpans, and Katara can’t help but laugh.

“Right,” she says. “Yeah. I’m… good. Thank you.” He nods—just once, a rigid jerk of his head—and starts to turn on his heel to leave.

But for some reason, she suddenly doesn’t want that. He’s being… almost kind of sweet, and it’s so incongruous with the memory she has of him that it kindles a new kind of curiosity. “We went to school together, you know,” she says quickly, before he can fully turn around. He pauses in his tracks. “You probably don’t remember, but—”

“I remember you,” Zuko says before she can even finish. She frowns, intrigued. “You always wore your hair up in a braid and those loops. And once, even though we barely knew each other,” he adds with the faint traces of a smile, “you told off that kid when he was… uh…” The smile fades.

Katara remembers suddenly. It was an overcast day, not unlike the way this one had started, and Zuko had been sitting alone in the courtyard, not bothering anyone (for once) as Katara made her way to lunch when she saw some other kid go up to him to start needling him, saying horrible things about his scar. Very loudly.

Katara hadn’t liked that, so she’d marched right over and told the kid so. Also very loudly.

She’s pretty sure that’s the only time she and Zuko even tangentially interacted, and even then, they hadn’t spoken any actual words to each other. Everything else she knew about him came from stories and distant observation.

“When he was being a dick,” she finishes for him.

“Yeah,” Zuko says. Peering through his eyelashes, he adds more quietly, “I’ve always remembered that.”

“Really?”

A shrug of his shoulders. “You didn’t have to do that, but you did anyway.”

“I don’t like cruel people.” He nods, hands in his pockets, eyes suddenly downcast and looking almost a little ashamed. It makes her sort of sad. “Do you have time to sit?” Katara asks suddenly.

He looks surprised as he glances back at up her. “What?”

“I mean, I know you’re working, so don’t worry about it if not,” she adds in a hurry, tripping over he words. “I just thought maybe…”

“My shift’s actually over,” he answers, and suddenly, there’s a soft, sort-of-shy smile playing on his lips. “I—I could sit.”

He pulls the chair out and sits while Katara sips at her tea. It really is quite good.

“This is almost making up for the rest of my day,” she laughs, and his face scrunches up, maybe almost amused.

But then, the expression morphs. “Why was your day so bad, Katara?”

She’s surprised to find he ever knew her name, let alone remembers it now. He really is full of surprises.

She could tell him the simple version, the actual events without the why she was taking it so hard, without divulging what it was really about… but, well…

He seems sincere enough in asking, at any rate.

“I just… I lost my mother when I was really young,” she begins to explain, feeling sort of choked-up and tight in her chest again, but no tears threaten to fall right now.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and she looks up to meet his gaze, swimming with undeniable sympathy. “That’s something we have in common.”

She looks at him for a long moment, surprised. This is something they share, then. Something they can understand about each other. “I’m sorry, too. It’s awful. And… today is the anniversary. I usually just try to keep busy, but…”

“But everything went wrong?”

Katara hums.

“That’s the fucking worst,” he says bluntly, and Katara laughs then. He has very little tact, it seems, but also, yeah. It is. And it’s nice for someone to be able to… just say it. To feel it with her.

“It is the fucking worst,” she agrees. “But… I really am doing better now.”

“I’m glad,” he says, but he frowns, staring down at his hands, which are splayed on the table. “I really shouldn’t keep you from your day."

“I mean… the rest of my plans for the day have sort of fallen apart, and I should probably wait out the rain anyway, so I might, uh,” she says, feeling suddenly shy and hesitant. “I might stick around for a while. Get one more of these,” she nods down to her cup, warm and solid in her hands. “You know.” She takes another sip.

His smile glints, but it’s soft, too, definitely as shy as she feels. “I could do with a cup.”

Katara’s own smile grows wider.

The kindly older man who runs the shop—Zuko's uncle, Katara learns quickly—brings them out another round of jasmine, two cups this time, and Zuko slowly raises his in a cheers motions motion, a little awkward and a lot funny.

“To awful days?” he says with a raise of his brow.

“And to perfect storms,” she adds in agreement, laughter bubbling in her chest.

They clink their teacups together.

#zutaramonth2024 #zutara #zutara month #my fic #me internally: idk how i feel about writing a modern au i don't feel like i can get into their headspaces the right way #also me: writes almost 2000 words about it #atla #zuko #katara #trigger: grief.#trigger: nightmares.#trigger: murder.#jic #trigger: ableism.

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raina-at · 15 hours

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Journey

Warning: You guys, this one HURTS. Seriously. Trigger warning for death, grief, sadness.

Proceed at your own risk. And don't yell at me afterwards if you proceeded anyway and this hurt you. You were warned.

----

There’s a bit of dirt on her dress. If she had to guess, she’d say it’s probably Jo’s fault. But she’s Sherlock Holmes’ daughter, so she doesn’t guess. She deduces.

She wets her finger, picks up a crumb.

Rice cake. Raspberry flavour. Jo’s favourite.

She brushes it off. Then she fixes her hair. Checks her shoes.

Anything to delay. Anything to put off this particular journey for a few more seconds.

She meets her own eyes in the mirror. “Come on, Watson,” she whispers. “You can do this. You have to do this. Remember your promise.”

Look out for him, he’d said to her. Before he couldn’t speak anymore. Look out for each other.

Fuck, she’s crying already.

No. She bites the inside of her cheek and keeps the tears in.

She had forty years of parenting. Now she needs to step up. She needs to be strong.

She nods at herself one last time in the mirror, then goes down the corridor to the bedroom door. She knocks, just once. “Are you ready?”

The silence that greets her is ever so slightly sarcastic.

Stupid question, she chides herself. “Let me rephrase. Are you dressed?”

He opens the door. Of course he’s immaculate. The black suit fits him perfectly, and even though age has somewhat diminished his ramrod straightness, he still looks distinguished and elegant without much effort. His face is a study of outward stoicism, and if Rosie hadn’t known him her entire life, she wouldn’t have noticed how much of a strain it is for him to take even a single step.

This is hell for her. She can’t even imagine what it’s like for him.

But she was raised by two British men of a certain age, and public displays of emotion make her as viscerally uncomfortable as it does them, therefore she knows how important it is to him to keep his composure in public.

They did a lot of crying together when it happened. Though quite honestly, it was a relief when it was finally over. The weeks and months prior were pure hell, for all of them. Dad was always a dignified man whose autonomy was important to him. When he refused further treatment, she supported him, and so did Paps.

It’s the circle of life, she knows this. They help you into this world, you help them out of it. You travel together for a time, and then you have to let them go. And it’s her duty to accompany him on this last leg of his journey.

But she has a more important responsibility.

She holds out her hand, and Paps takes it. They help each other into their coats. Paps’ coat is unchanged, and she wonders what he paid for this one. Every time one of his coats gives out, he has one made. With the same red embroidery around the buttonhole.

“Where’s Jo?” Paps asks, the first words he said all morning.

“Mark’s taking her. They’re meeting us there.”

He nods in acknowledgement.

They walk outside. It’s incongruously sunny. It’s cold, and windy, and she’s glad for her coat.

Should it be sunny, on a day like this?

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, she thinks.

But no. The hard part is that life goes on. That nothing stops even for a second, just because your heart is ashes. Dinner, errands, bedtime stories, maths tests, patients, laundry, paperwork, bills.

Ironically it makes it easier, for her. That she has something to do. That she has somewhere to go. That she’s not in the home they shared alone, staring at the walls, remembering.

“Paps,” she says, turning around, leaning against the car. “There’s something…” she takes a breath. “I wanted to ask you something.”

He makes a gesture for her to continue, but his eyes are on the horizon, and she knows he’s far away, locked somewhere in his mind palace to get through the day.

“Admin is putting a lot of pressure on me to take more hours. Department can’t afford another hire, they need shifts covered, et cetera. And we need the money. But it means I’d have twelve-hour shifts again, and Mark’s rarely home before six. Jo comes home from school at four. That’s two hours I don’t know how to cover.”

He looks at her, uncomprehending. You need to be more clear, she reminds herself. He’s not at his best today. “221A is empty. I thought, maybe…” she trails off, making a ‘you fill in the gaps’ kind of gesture. Then she takes a deep breath and fills in the gaps herself. “I thought you might want to come home?”

He doesn’t say anything for a few moments. He’s watching the horizon with a far away expression. Then he looks at her and gives her a slight smile. “I play the violin at three in the morning. And I sometimes don’t talk for days. Would that bother you?”

“I lived with you for twenty-four years, Paps. I think I’ll be fine,” Rosie says dryly, but she’s biting her cheek to keep the tears in again, because she knows what he’s thinking.

Full circle.

He nods at her, just once. “I noticed little Watson’s maths needs some polishing,” he says, with a trace of his old self shining through. “And quite frankly, her chess skills are appalling.”

“I expect you to turn her into a grand master by the time she’s twelve,” Rosie says, and discovers that it’s, after all, possible to smile.

They both stand in the sun for a second, letting the small glimmer of joy warm them.

Then Paps sighs. “It’s time, isn’t it.”

Rosie nods, and this time, she doesn’t check her tears.

“Should I drive?” Paps asks, gently.

She just gives him a look, and he chuckles. “Fair enough.” He nods at the car, then puts a hand on her shoulder. “Into battle, Watson.”

She nods. Wipes her tears. Takes his hand. “Into battle, Holmes.”

-------

Rosie is quoting a line from Funeral Blues by WH Auden.

I'm not going to apologise for making you sad. I warned you. Remember that before you yell at me in the comments.

May is almost over, you guys. How did that happen?!

Tags under the cut as always, please notfiy me if you want to be taggeed or untagged.

@calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @jrow @peanitbear @jolieblack @meetinginsamarra @helloliriels @keirgreeneyes @lisbeth-kk @friday411 @givemesherbet-blog-blog @weeesi @thalialunacy @thegildedbee @dapetty @salmonsown

#johnlock #bbc sherlock #may prompts 2024 #mayprompts2024 #my fic #journey #trigger warning death #trigger warning grief #proceed at your own risk #this will hurt you #you were warned

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ibrithir-was-here · 3 months

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Realized I never posted this little comic lighting practice I did, and I still think it looks pretty nice so I’ll share it

#one day I’ll make a fairytale comic #my art #snow white #fairy tales #the evil queen #tw blood #tw self harm #good grief people don’t censor the trigger words they won’t work #I just saw Harm spelled two different useless ways

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pascaloverx · 1 month

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OUR SECRET — MYG

chapter eight

Summary: You and Yoongi are having an affair. No, you are not being his lover. But the world is not ready to know that an idol is dating someone. So you two were doing your best to make sure no one found out. Until he breaks up with you. His mistake.

Notes:

Trigger Warning: Grief, loss of a child. Lots of angst in this chapter guys, be prepared.

PREVIOUS FINAL

You had never imagined what it would be like to have a child. Not before seeing a positive pregnancy test shortly after breaking up with the potential love of your life. The funny thing is, you thought that breaking up with him would be incredibly painful. It actually took you two weeks to gather the courage to break up with Yoongi. You couldn't find a way to end something that had been so important to you until then. But then you found out you were pregnant, and suddenly, Yoongi didn't seem like the most important thing anymore. In fact, you found out that you were more important. You didn't tell anyone until you decided what to do with your situation. You thought about giving the baby up for adoption, wondered if you really wanted to continue the pregnancy, if you wanted to be someone's mother. Until your belly started to grow, you began to feel like a mother even before having a child in your arms. You didn't tell anyone until you decided what to do with your situation. You thought about giving the baby up for adoption, wondered if you really wanted to continue the pregnancy, if you wanted to be someone's mother. Until your belly started to grow, you began to feel like a mother even before having a child in your arms.

"What happened?" You ask as you notice you're in a hospital bed surrounded by machines and important wires. Yoongi is surprised to see you awake. He looks worn out too. Eyes full of dark circles, swollen face.

"You had a hemorrhage. And you lost consciousness. I was so afraid of losing you, you have no idea." Yoongi says, holding your hand. You watch him start to get emotional, you even try to hug him but can't.

"I can't move properly with all these machines on me. But know that I would like to hug you right now. I really would. And our daughter? Where is she?" You ask, getting a little nervous.

"She... she was beautiful. So beautiful. I swear she reminded me so much of you. She was so fragile, so as soon as she was born, the doctors did everything they could to help her survive. But our daughter... she didn't make it." Yoongi speaks with a shaky voice as if he can't say out loud what happened. You however failed to understand how this could happen. She was healthy, you loved her, you two were waiting for her. She already had a family. It already had a name. In your head, she already had a little face. As you thought about your daughter, tears began to stream down your eyes. And a pain hit you. The pain of loss.

"But, we did everything... as it should be. We went to the doctor, we bought clothes, we were learning to live as a family. She can't not be here." Saying that was like a punch in your stomach. You felt like your world was shaking. As you cried, Yoongi held your hand with some firmness.

"The medical team did everything they could. But it was a delicate situation. Our baby did her best while she could, I can tell you that. The doctors said that sometimes, unfortunately, some babies don't survive. And that we shouldn't blame ourselves, there was nothing that could be done differently. " Yoongi is clearly trying to be strong for you.

"Did you see her? What did our little princess look like?" You say feeling your eyes start to get blurry from crying. Your real desire was to scream, to beg for this to be a nightmare.

"Her nose was like yours, her lips too. She took her eyes from me but the rest was you. I was able to hold her while she..." You began to imagine what it would be like to see your daughter. Hold her on your lap, feed her.

"Do you think we're being punished? For wanting to start this off as a lie?" You ask, crying even harder. Yoongi then hugged you as best as he could.

"No. I think our little princess did her job here and went to rest. None of this is our fault." Yoongi speaks softly, comforting you and you manage to put your head under his chest, looking for reassurance. After that you don't even remember when you stopped crying. She only remembers the emptiness she felt in the following weeks while waiting to be released from the hospital.

Some time later...

"Thank you for coming to pick me up from the hospital. Going home alone would be really bad." You say, placing your toiletry bag inside the suitcase that Yoongi brought for you.

"We're married. I'll stay by your side until you don't want me to." Yoongi says, helping you with your suitcase and guiding you to the hospital reception.

"Still. You've been a support, husband, since we lost our most prized possession." You say as you’re getting into Yoongi’s car, who is obviously in disguise. We don't want reporters finding out about all this, or invading this moment.

"I'll take you to a place. Before we go home, of course." Yoongi says while driving seriously. You haven't had much spirit after what happened so you just shake your head positively. You didn't even think much about where he was planning to go. Until you noticed you were getting close to a cemetery and instantly knew what you were going to do.

"Do you think I'm ready to..." You say fearfully but Yoongi turns to you, helping you take off your belt.

"I think if you don't do this, you'll feel worse. Saying goodbye is an essential part of moving on." Yoongi speaks as he guides you to where your daughter is buried.

"What if I can't move on?" You ask as you walk next to Yoongi.

"Then I will accompany you." Yoongi says and then holds your hand. It’s a gentle, gentle act that makes you feel like you can find comfort with Yoongi. You arrive in front of your daughter's tombstone. You're amazed at how Yoongi managed to handle everything about your daughter's funeral while you were in the hospital.

"Our girl is here. I hope she knows she was loved by her parents." You say, looking at Yoongi tenderly, hoping to find the same feeling in his eyes. A feeling that you still don't know what it is but you know that if anyone will understand you it's Yoongi.

"She knows." Yoongi says, still holding your hand and stroking it. You look at your daughter's tombstone and place a blanket on top of her, which you bought for when she was born.

"Mommy bought this blanket to bring you home. So I'm going to leave this blanket with you, my daughter." You speak to your daughter's tombstone. Then you and Yoongi head towards your house.

#trigger warning grief #loss of a child #min yoongi x reader #bts fanfic #spotify #min yoongi x you #yoongi x reader #yoongi fic #min yoongi fanfic #min yoongi angst #yoongi angst #suga x reader #reader insert #Spotify

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a2zillustration · 2 months

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Wait, so to clarify two things:

1. Crossiant had a childhood best friend, but thanks to Hag Shenanigans they’ve not only entirely forgotten said best friend, but aren’t aware they ever had a childhood best friend in the first place?

2. …Did Shadowheart just sacrifice her parents to be freed from Shar? (I’ve never actually seen that cutscene, but I’m pretty sure that’s what just happened there.)

Correct!

2. Correct! (That's the caveat, she can sacrifice her parents to break free of Shar's curse, or she can free them and live with of pain Shar's curse forever. It's a very heartbreaking scene, if you're not playing the game and able to see it yourself I'd recommend looking it up.)

#I would like to write/draw more about Croissant's situation but I'm still waffling on the details #To them it feels kind of like a hole in their memory #like when you've forgotten something right as you were about to say it #certain things can trigger an emotional response but ultimately Croissant doesn't remember this person or their experiences in any capacity #and so has no idea why they feel this way in the moment (usually crying)#it's a very specific type of grief if this all makes any sense lol #thank you for asking!#bg3 spoilers #act III spoilers #asks #croissant lore #it's all in the tags but we'll still put it here lmao

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coldagain · 2 months

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disintegration (TW: ed, abuse, suicide)

Yesterday, you called at two a.m.,

And said you were sorry for disturbing me,

but it's been a rough day,

and you needed a friend.

I said, yes, I would listen,

but could you hear the exhaustion in my voice? The slight irritation?

I wonder.

Because the next moment, you'd changed your mind,

And asked me to rest.

Put off everything until tomorrow,

It's not that big of a deal, you'd laughed.

Last Wednesday, after school, you had asked me to stay,

broke down in the washroom, hands gripping the sink till they turned white,

You said they have been harsher lately,

That you've gone without food for a week.

I asked, why, and you didn't answer.

but could you hear the terror in my voice? The raw fear?

I wonder.

because the next moment, you were smiling in that heartbreaking way.

I'm here, I said, as I held onto you. I'm here.

I could barely speak over the lump forming in my throat.

Last month, before class, I asked why you loved all the people who could never love you back,

Why you give so much of yourself to them.

You looked startled for a while, and then said,

It's better than being lonely.

I asked if that actually was true, and you kept quiet.

but could you sense the regret in my words? The tension that followed in the silence?

I wonder.

because the next moment, you'd smiled too widely,

And told me that they were better than those pretending to care,

At least, you're prepared.

At least, you know.

Last year, after your swim meet, I asked if you were ill,

You'd grown thinner, and you'd refused your favorite burger,

You promptly said that it was nothing.

That you just didn't feel like eating anymore.

I asked, why, and you simply shrugged.

but could you hear the surprise in my voice? The shock?

I wonder.

because the next moment, you'd shoved a spoonful of salad in your mouth,

and had to rush to the washroom in the next.

I pretended not to hear you throw up as I searched the stalls,

When you came out, I said only then, “you're beautiful just the way you are.”

You smiled helplessly. “Must I be?”

Tomorrow, after your funeral, I'll ask if that was absolutely necessary.

If you're truly happy now, wherever you are.

You'd say that you are, no doubt,

I know you well enough to have learnt your lies by heart.

I'd ask if you would miss me, and you'd keep quiet.

but would you hear the pain in my voice? The remnants of regret and salty grief?

I wonder.

because the next moment, the time would be up.

They'd put you six feet under earth, and away from all that has hurt over the years.

Away from me.

Away from you.

I still love this person, present tense. please take care of yourselves.

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danothan · 7 months

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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao #feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy #danbles #and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth #or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities #or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to #or whatever else #i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy #I’M certainly not going to #but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer #and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where #i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything #but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on #it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way #idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences #even negative ones are valuable to me #but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem #maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem #fuuck guys i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀

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geopsych · 1 year

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Lost a beautiful and graceful old walnut tree in the neighborhood today. Had to listen to it being sawed and ground up. I’ll miss it but the squirrels and birds will miss it more. 🌳😢

#potentially triggering #grief #sad #tree #walnut tree #goodbye friend #loss #trigger warning death #tw death

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dimensionhoppr · 6 months

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Twin Fantasy

(alt + details)

#head in hands please do not zoom in on this just look at the details i chose to hilight LOL. Anyway Uhm.#kiyotaka ishimaru #kiyondo ishida #danganronpa #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #sdr #mine #hey victor. yr choosing to do a piece with a lot of harsh angles. yr gonna switch from your usual thick crayony brush right? Right Victor?#LOLLLL UHM. anywya i never post my art ESPECIALLY not for dr but. uhm. i liked this one.#something something system metaphor something something ishida as takas protector something something takas pushing down his regrets and #weaknesses and becoming someone who's so far in denial he's never experienced grief yada yada you get the idea.#i can make a system metaphor out of any poorly written character. And I Will.#.....car seat headrest title AND a danganronpa character.....🫣.....#I don't even consider this done i just dont wanna look at it anymore LOLLL TT__TT

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cadaverkeys · 1 year

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I understand that people are just trying to comfort me, of course I understand. But I sometimes feel that a resiliently happy and tenaciously optimistic personality aren't all that welcome when I'm going through a lot of grief. I don't know if I'm really "ready" to feel better. If that even makes sense. I feel like my body hasn't really processed everything that's happened and it's more effort to tell my friends to stop trying to put bandages on me than it would be to just pretend I was okay again and just grieve in private. I'm not sure what to do with it just yet ig :/

#rambles #i dont normally put like...vent type thoughts on my blog but i genuinely dont know what to think rn #im having trouble talking about my feelings on grief with people one to one bc of aforementioned optimism #my friend died recently and I dont know what to do w myself #i have so much responsibilities right now bc I'm graduating soon #and i have a lot of people relying on me to get my work done #it feels rude to him and his memory that im not missing a beat to sit and think of him #I'm just having to get back to it and put off his death until I have the time for it #i know that's so bleak but it's where I'm at rn #not sure how to trigger tag this?#bereavement #death

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dockofshame · 11 months

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Some Quick Headcanons of Duncan x Reader Who’s Grieving

TW: Death, grief, death of a pet.

Duncan would totally be that pet owner who’s like “I don’t want a dog!” and then six months later the dog is his best friend. Not that he’d let onto it, but it would hit him hard when your pet’s health is declining.

If you want to be in there when your pet is put down, Duncan would be by your side either hugging you while you cry into his chest or he’d be squeezing your hand reassuringly, and if you wanted to be in the waiting room while your pet is put down he’d be there with you.

Eventually, down the road, he gets you something with a rainbow on it in honor of your pet crossing over the rainbow bridge. Just don’t let other people know he was the one who got it for you, okay? He doesn’t want anyone thinking he’s soft.

Duncan would want another pet but not for awhile.

#death tw #death mention tw #grief mention tw #grief tw #total drama island x reader #total drama x reader #tdi duncan #td duncan #duncan x reader #pet death tw #Trigger warning #tw #pet death #death of a pet #why do i only post so much when i’m upset lol

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visionarystoryteller · 1 month

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Executives Love

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Warnings — grief, miscarriage, minors dni

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Noa aka Valerie to the wrestling world, had just finished her makeup when there was a knock at the bathroom door in the womens locker room.

“Coming” she smiled to herself in the mirror as her voice rang out. Anna waited by the door, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Noa opened the door and was greeted with a nervously smiling Anna.

“Okay what’s that look for?” Noa asks Anna as they walk down the hall to gorilla. Anna had heard rumors about her friends beloved boyfriend Jeff. Ones that were eating away at her.

“I’ve been hearing things and I don’t know somethings not right…” Anna says biting her lip. Noa looks at her with question.

“I heard Jeff has been hooking up with Dori…at least that’s whats being said.” Anna says. Noa immediately starts shaking her head.

“No not my Jeff. Dori wouldn’t do that to us. Jeff wouldn’t let her…” Noa trails off, a small amount of doubt settling in her stomach.

“It’s just rumors I’ve been hearing…” Anna whispers. Noa and Anna stop at the gorilla, Nicholas looking up to see Noa with Anna. Nicholas nudges Matthew and Matthew shoots his younger brother a look. Nicholas nods towards Noas direction. Matthews stomach fell. Matthew was told not even five minutes prior by Dori that she wasn’t going to be wrestling for quite some time, no injury, but pregnancy. Matthew immediately knew who the father was as Jeff never stayed far from Dori the last few months. Even when Noa had lost their baby.

“She’s gonna kill us if we know and she doesn’t, specially if she finds out this way.” Matthew says.

“We can’t just tell her Matthew” Nicholas tries to reason. Doris music started to play and not shortly after she began a small speech. Noa had yet to see Jeff but saw him wizzing past her when Dori called ‘Angelo’ to the ring. Noa furrowed her eyebrows and walked over to the screens where Matthew and Nicholas and TK were sitting. She watched the scene unfold. Listening intently she watched the emotions of both Dori and Jeff’s faces. That’s when she dropped a bombshell.

“So I won’t be wrestling for quite sometime…” ‘Ruby’ says into the mic.

“Are you okay” ‘Angelo’ quick to react, it causing Noa to furrow her brows more.

“Angelo I’m pregnant” ‘Ruby’ says. Noa felt her heart rate pick up. She looked over at TK and the EVP’s.

“Who approved this for a storyline, we just lost a kid, how could cre-“ Noa starts to rant. Nicholas quickly shuts her down.

“This wasn’t us or creative…unfortunately…” Nicholas coughs then clears his throat.

“Unfortunately what Nicholas?” Noa says with attitude. Nicholas clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath. He’s been friends with Noa for years and yet her attitude still would make him tweak faster than anyone else giving him attitude.

“She is pregnant…” Matthew says quietly.

“I’m sorry what?!” Noa says with frustration and hurt.

“So it’s true then?” Jeff’s voice came from the curtain. Noa looked up and at Dori and Jeff walking in.

“Yea” she smiles up at him. He smiles down at her with love and adoration. Something he did with Noa. Noa stood completely frozen in place. Her emotions snapped. How could he do this to her. Why would he do this after Noa had just lost their baby. How could he lie and say he was there for her, how could he just let Noa suffer with postpartum because he didn’t listen. How could he do any of it? Dori happened to look up at the silence and saw Noa standing next to the sitting EVPs and President. Her eyes were cast on Jeff, hurt running around in her green eyes, unshed tears building up. Jeff looked up and was met with a distraught Noa. Jeff’s face dropped and his heart went to his stomach.

“Noa…” Jeff all but whispered. Dori had thought that Jeff had broken up with her by now, she felt a little remorse for her. Noa quickly wiped her eyes and took a small breath.

“We’re done.” She simply said. Noa then looked back at the two EVPs and shook her head, she then turned on her heel and walked to the curtain. She had a match to perform, no mater how much her world just crashed and burned.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Noa, or ‘Valerie’, was exhausted. Her and Willow, although being pretty close out of the ring, was a hell of a fighter inside the ring. Willow could see it in Noas eyes, she was broken hearted and a worlds away mentally, still trying to execute her moves with precision, but her head just wasn’t in it, causing her to almost botch a few moves. Meanwhile in the back, Chris Jericho had come back from showering after his match and walked to production to help carry out the rest of the show. When he arrived he saw the panicked faces of Matthew, Nicholas and TK. Just as he looked at the screen, he saw Noa nearly botched another move. He watched her more closely and saw the dead look in her eyes. She seemed turned off mentally. Chris turned to look at the 3 men again.

“Someone wanna tell me what the fuck is up with Noa? She had this shit perfect at practice today, what the hell happened!” Chris spoke. Anna, who happened to come from the locker room, heard the tension in Jerichos voice. She’d been with JAS long enough. She sped walked and saw Chris frustratedly tug his hair into a ponytail. Anna slowly made her way closer to Chris and the production table.

“You know what’s up with her Jay?” Chris asks looking down at Anna. Anna bit her lip. TK tried to say something but couldn’t speak.

“I swear to god someone better fucking tell me!” Chris says. Without realizing it, Noa had already won the match and walked through the curtain.

“Jeff cheated on me and got Dori pregnant.” Noa says emotionlessly. Chris spun around and looked at Noa. Her eyes were drained of her color and she looked exhausted.

“Excuse me?” Chris asks flabbergasted.

“You heard me Chris.” Noa says looking around at the small crowd that was looking at her.

“Go about your business people. I’ll go about mine” Noa says addressing everyone. Everyone quickly looked away and went back to their jobs.

“I’m gonna go shower and head back to the hotel. Youll be ready for the hotel Anna?” Noa says starting to walk off.

“Yea” Anna says going to catch up with her.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

When the girls got back to the hotel, it was very quiet. Noa didn’t really want to talk about what happened. She wanted it put out of her mind. She loved Jeff, she loved their baby…she missed their baby. Postpartum hadn’t been kind to Noa. She was numb for a long time, not having much emotion. Just as she was medically cleared to wrestle again, did she start feeling more like herself. She knew she’d being Jeff as he continued to just do his job. He spent maybe a week with Noa when she had the miscarriage but after telling TK about her depression, he gave her some more time. Now after being cleared this shit happens.

‘I’ll never catch a break’ bounced around in Noas mind.

Anna ordered them some food and tried to act like it would be just a regular night after an evening in the ring. It seemed to help a little but Noa still wouldnt really talk. Sure, here and there a few phrases, mostly manners, but nothing else.

EVP1- I found about 5 minutes before you came to gorilla that Dori was really pregnant. I’d never try to hide that from you.

Noa- like you hid the rumors about them.

EVP1- do you know how much shit me and Nicholas and TK deal with, there’s many rumors milling around, im sorry I didn’t babysit your bf while you were gone.

Noa- oh fuck off Matt.

EVP1- Noa.

Noa- no fuck off Matt. This whole EVP thing has gone straight to your damn head outside of kayfabe. The Matt I know doesn’t hide shit from me. He tells me every little thing.

Noa turned off her notifications and plugged in her phone. Anna watched as Noa had emotions running through her body language. That’s when Anna got a message from Matt talking about what just happened. Anna silently sighed. Noa didn’t need stress. She didn’t need any of this. Oh how Anna wished this was just some storyline or fucked up dream for Noa.

#visionarystoryteller #storytellingg #storyteller writes #story teller g #storytellerguniverse #aew #all elite wrestling #wrestling imagines #aew imagines #angelo parker x reader #matt jackson x reader #nick Jackson x reader #evp nicholas jackson x reader #evp matthew jackson x reader #triggers #love #grief

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southboulevard · 12 days

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please elaborate on why prof. sycamore is a sad character! I'd love to know why :D

i'd love toooooo !! ♡ tysm for askingg i'm sooo happy to finally ramble abt it ♡♡ it's been in my wee little brain since forever agooo </3 i'm so sorry this took forever to get around to answering i just wanted to make sure it was kinda coherent ^^

( this is all v surface level analysis & my own silly interpretation of the text </3 just a warning this is v long & bland & highly self indulgent !! please check my little tags btw i tried my best to cover all the subject matter just in case ♡♡♡ )

of course the obvious overarching factor is that his friend is ( i'm not going to use the exact descriptor/s but we know what they are ) the head of a villainous organisation & just passed away. and grief is a pretty prevalent theme in p.erf.ectwo.rld shipping as it is , so it's not like saying ' sycamore is sad ' is a huge revelation by any means , but i think it goes a little deeper than that

as much as the couriway dialogue gets torn apart it's ( to me ) very revealing about how sy.camore deals with conflict in interpersonal relationships and grief as a whole . it's always been a little heartbreaking to me that he

⟢ starts off by apologising for actions that weren't his own ( which to a degree is fair given what i'll say later but he does this quite a bit in both this game and pmex to the point where it's pretty apparent that he's actively harboring a lot of self blame ? i think he actually says this outright ) which is a relatively common thing to do when it comes to a loss of this kind* so it's understandable

⟢ i should have highlighted the sentence before it as well but he admits to never having ' that discussion ' with him . in my mind , they've discussed their beliefs at length before and i think somewhere in the midst of this and maybe sometime after , augustine absolutely did provide some form of push back / challenge lysand.re on this subject but VERY quickly found out that he gets very heated and is very adamant about his position to the point of being somewhat verbally aggressive , which only becomes worse even when not challenged on said beliefs as he fixates on them further ( it's in my mind why when lys.andre is outwardly like ' those people are filth and should be eradicated ' to a stranger / fourteen year old , augustine's like ' wow ! how passionate :] ' not because he's blind to it but because he's actively trying to laugh it off ) my favourite take away from this ( because when characters have flaws it makes them more human and i loove that ) is that syc.amore is highly non confrontational and a bit of a people pleaser ( <- ALSO something i'll talk about later ) to the point it's slightly negligent in the long run , i suppose ? which perhaps isn't the best word to use ! i'm not sure , but i hope you get what i mean ? ( i think it's very much the case of ' if you don't want to listen to me / don't want my help i won't make the situation uncomfortable by hassling you / i have enough respect to assume you know what's best for yourself because i see the good in everyone and i have faith you'll come around ) my general thought is that he was either waiting for the right time to talk to him about it or genuinely had faith that his friend would come to his senses eventually which unfortunately meant just turning a blind eye to it in the meantime until eventually there was just no way to approach him whatsoever

⟢ back to the topic of him apologising for / on behalf of lysan.dre's actions ( which is understandable but not at all fair ) he wasn't exactly there for that whole conflict during end game ( which i think is actually really interesting to speculate about as to why , but regardless ) those are fourteen year old children under his care that are trying to stop his friend from wiping out the populus and , again , i know this is 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒎𝒆 but the ramifications that'd have on a young person's psyche and mental wellbeing , especially considering they more or less watch him pass away , is insane to think about . so now you have the conundrum of ' not only did i discover my friend's a terrorist , now he's dead and my trainers were there to witness it ' ( <- lots of calls to make & lots of parents to apologise to )

⟢ on the other hand i cannot fathom , in a very short span of time ( i'm pretty sure that announcement is in the same day as the ultimate weapon being deployed ) , finding out and having to process a . ) that your very close friend is a leader of a terrorist organisation your assistants ( who are also young adults/ at risk ? ) have been investigating b . ) what that terrorist organization actually plans to do / that it's PROBABLY going to be the end of the world before the day is over c . ) during those 15 or so hours - however long it took from the announcement to happen to the ultimate weapon activating - realising ' i don't know where my kids are :] ' ( because to give him the benefit of the doubt i think i'd also go back and forth being like ' the league will deal with it or interpol / surely my trainers wouldn't go there / do their parents know ? / who do i call first / how long would it take for me to get to geosenge & what is or isn't on lockdown ? etc. ' ) so this probably contributes to the guilt factor as well

⟢ although it's absolutely highly inpropor to mention ' oh my friend's dead and i'm sad ' to the literal children that were just there for that whole ordeal ( why would you want to complicate the situation further ? ) , he dances around this a lot . he actively brushes it off with thanking ca.lem / ser.ena directly after apologising / the battle that takes place afterwards he says " well enough about that ! " which just comes off as the most " anyway . moving on . let's not think about it ! " type of statement i've ever heard especially when he's like " i have a parade to plan " . i'm still really ? weirded out by this in a way ? ( it's 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒎𝒆 i know but still )

⟢ this is quite a reach but it feels like since ly.sandre is burried under ft and ft of rubble this is the closest thing to a funeral he can throw ( very very speculatory but i believe that during this he imagines it as a celebration of his life - for the man he knew rather than the man he became - and that's how he's experiencing the parade internally ; mentally saying his goodbyes or at the VERY LEAST thinks about him while it's ongoing ) , for one , and for two it's feels like a distraction for the kids in terms of the gravity of what just occurred but this is all highly speculatory on my part he's going through so much guilt and internal blame that he's probably thinking ' the best thing i can do for these children is making the situation lighter ' which is why he's strangely positive and decides to throw the parade so quickly in the first place

⟢ taking this idea even further , i believe that after the events of the game he goes through the whole thought process of ' am i allowed to grieve considering he was objectively a terrible person ? ' augustine's still a very important and important figure of kalos society , not just to his lab , so i imagine the answer for a long time is ' no ' , at least outwardly , while he's internally working through the nuances of the whole thing ( eg . you can mourn the person they were while still acknowledging what they did was horrific , death* is never anyone's fault , etc . ) . my thought is that he thinks the best thing he can do is just smile and continue on / mask for the sake of everyone else which is ultimately to his own detriment ( * i don't want to use the term for what kind of a death it was - i think we know / can infer - but i think that adds another layer of complexity to what augustine's actually going through so it's fair to mention ⸻ tl;dr : augustine has a fair bit of survivors guilt )

⟢ there's also the question of ' would he be interviewed / investigated in terms of his association to l.ysandre by interpol ' considering they are working on such post - game and i can't imagine how that affects him either ; having to recount their conversations and exchanges probably only serves to pour salt in very fresh wounds also would have ly.sandre left him anything ? probably ! whether that was his lab or just money ( considering that in the manga , ly.sandre is augustine's sponsor / benefactor ) that's probably not good for his mental health either . he admires the work he did and probably wants him to have a good legacy but again , how on earth do you even go about that ? do you even do that ? between solicitors meetings and police interrogation and the news coverage that'd probably be circulating the media for months i don't think he'd be faring too well </3

⟢ another weird little side bar is that the letter at couriway states he ' never knew what he wanted to be ' and considering he left this for his future self once he got to kalos ( i have a post about this on main ) i'm assuming he was already in his very early twenties when he wrote this ? i won't get too deep into it but there are some things i head canon surrounding being a pupil of ro.wans alongside a prodigy like cy.nthia that'd give you a bit of a knock to your self esteem ( why he says he's not good at battling when he's pretty decent actually ? ) + the fact he found out what he wanted to do later in life but can't use me.ga evo probably doesn't help ( <- just a very small thing because i think he's very positive in spite of this and it doesn't get to him all too much )

⟢ on top of all this as well , he's recently discovered this

that's my tangent :3 ty for cominggg , like i said i've thought abt this for aaages but was always too scared to actually talk about it considering i'm not the most analytical or well spoken person </3 tysm for indulging meeee i hope ur having the most lovely start to ur weekend !! ty for letting me play againnnn ^^ ♡♡

#💙#☁️#mutuals : tony 💼#long post #i'm sorry that the tone of this is v blunt and bland . .#it was semi stream of consciousness ig ♡♡#ty sm again genuinely ^^#trigger warnings ->#⸻#tw death mention #tw death #tw grief #tw mental health #mental health mention #death mention #tw ptsd mention #tw suicide mention #( <- both brief it but just in case)

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