#good news im less nauseous now :-)

[ferretrix]

Knight I

#the 2 people i showed this to asked if it was a self portrait...i wish #double Big posting today<- had to make this in 8 hours for a class . <- realized it was not due in 8 hours upon completion #good news im less nauseous now :-)

[rashomonss]

A HUMANS WRATH

Part XV

previous part

taglist: @miridiums-writing, @zerchila, @aeongiies, @xmoogx, @coffeeandtealol, @food-lover9000, @l0diluvs, @vichsy, @valeriele3, @entolomaeden, @acaribeau, @arcayia, @jessiegerl, @capricorn-anon, @crescentworld, @g-l-1-t-c-h-3-r, @chumbinhoeba, @chaos-n-kindness, @strawberryfire17, @zenxvii, @misscaller06, @luminarysol, @simpinginthecorner, @your-next-daydream, @bontensbabygirl, @crxwned-mxnarch, @ibtisam-aran, @mochicurls21, @rxsehxney, @xpixie, @ihatecorns, @hello-gloomy, @lunarloathsome, @crazytacokoala, @levia-chan, @bunny-masks-blog

a/n: hey y'all!! yay i finally updated haha….im so sorry it took so long if you’ve been keeping up with my other posts you’ll know that february was not good to me haha

also i wanted to let y’all know that we’re finally reaching the end of this story!! i plan on only making a few more chapters then i believe that’ll be all!

lastly thanks for all y’all’s patience and continued support I love reading every one of y’all’s comments and theories, it means the world! love y'all ♡

warnings: violence, fighting, angst

express just how you feel, don’t bottle it up anymore

“MC how are you? Even though I previously saw you everyday I’ve missed this you” Diavolo said with a bright smile as you joined him for breakfast. No thanks to Barbatos’ constant pestering.

You gave him a polite smile and nod as a response. It was easy enough to come up with a basic answer that you were fine, even if that wasn’t the case at all.

However as he ranted on about missing you and what activities he’d enjoy doing with you after he finished his paperwork you couldn’t help but feel nauseous.

After all he dislocated your shoulder the other day and now he was acting as if everything was perfectly fine?

Even if it was another version of him it was still him in a sense, which filled you with unease. If that version of him could do something that significant to you without so much as a thought then you had every right to be worried.

Is this how the other version of you felt?

Is that why they hated being touched by any demons?

Another hearty laugh broke out sending a chill down your spine. It reminded you of when he cornered you in the hallway as you tried to escape.

“MC are you sure you’re feeling okay? You look a little pale?”

You went to nod but your body betrayed you. A new wave of nausea washed over you and you felt bile rise up in your throat.

“MC…?” Barbatos questioned as he moved closer to you when you ignored Diavolo’s question.

Your fingers gripped the soft tablecloth as you tried to ground yourself. If anything you refused to lose your stomach in front of them.

Both demons looked at each other worryingly and Barbatos went to place a hand on your shoulder for comfort. Immediately you jolted in response and slapped his hand away as a sensation of fear became present in the pit of your stomach.

You had no idea where it came from, much less why you were scared when the butler reached out to help you. But you did know one thing, you didn’t want anyone touching you.

“Don’t touch me!” you yelled.

Your tone of voice startled him and Diavolo but mainly you as well. What was going on with you?

You never acted like this before, even when staying in the other timeline for so long. So why now? Why was everything anyone was doing so triggering you in any sort of way?

“I apologize…I didn't mean to upset you, I only wanted to check if you were okay,” Barbatos replied as he backed off. Even though he didn’t bother showing it, he was clearly worried about your current mental state. It appeared to be out of control ever since you returned. Which was another point he’d have to bring up with him later, since many instructions weren’t followed.

“…I’m…heading back to bed” you replied as you swiftly stood up and made your way to the door.

“But…you just woke up” Diavolo said softly but you were well out of range for his voice to actually reach you.

With a sigh the butler looked to his lord then to the floor. Maybe they weren’t the right demons to welcome you back after being gone for such a decent amount of time. It was better if you were around demons you were used to, ones that were comforting.

So he picked up his D.D.D and quickly called the first demon that came to mind.

___

Seven bodies rushed towards you faster than you could process and some large beautiful roses were shoved in your face as you tried to process everything that was going on.

All seven of your demons began talking at once and exclaimed how much they had missed you.

“Oh MC! I can’t believe you’re back, I’ve missed you so so so terribly” Asmo cried as he clung onto your shoulder.

“Hey let go of them!” Mammon yelled in your ear as he tried yanking you away from Asmo.

“Stop pushing” Belphie groaned as he hugged your frame from behind.

“Mammon stop yelling so loudly” Levi shouted out as he was hugging you from the same side Asmo was.

The other three demons who weren’t suffocating you were also arguing with their brother as they clung onto you. Yelling and shouting could be heard from all around you as you stayed in place watching all seven of them yell back and forth like children.

It was too overwhelming. The yelling in your ear, the way one would hold you tighter if they got mad, the way four of them were putting all of their body weight on you was too much for your liking. And the fact the other three were aggravating the four who were holding onto you.

You felt so suffocated.

You were suffocated in your own timeline due to your willingness to indulge all of the seven demons you lived with.

You were suffocated in the other timeline because you decided to show some demons some kindness they hadn’t experienced for a very long time. Look where that got you. A dislocated shoulder and some unresolved issues that you refused to acknowledge.

You were suffocated with the prince and his butler. They always were on some type of schedule, and when you didn’t follow what Diavolo wanted at that very second, you would never hear the end of it from Barbatos.

Why was everyone so demanding?

God forbid you do something for yourself for once.

You struggled in their grip and tried to get their attention to possibly settle down. The constant loud yelling was getting you more agitated by the minute and frankly you were getting a headache.

Just as you were about to speak someone yelled over you and a fight between two of them broke out. Since you were absolutely fed up with it you shouted for all of them to shut up and pushed them off of you.

Each of the seven demons shut their mouth in an instant and the prince and butler looked at you with a worried expression. Due to that being the same tone of voice you used with Barbatos earlier he knew that something was obviously wrong.

Diavolo then spoke up for you as he walked over to the brothers. “Don’t mind them, a lot is on their mind right now especially since they’ve dealt with so much physically and emotionally these past couple days. So please give MC some space to relax”

You in turn shot him a glare. “I’m perfectly fine. However I don’t appreciate it when someone is screaming in my ear and putting all their weight on me while others are fighting in the background like children”

“How about you head back to the House of Lamentation. A lot is on your mind MC, it would do you good to go rest in a place you’re comfortable and familiar with” Barbatos then added trying his best to ease the tension in the room and change the topic as well.

With a nod you departed with the brothers about fifteen minutes later for a silent trip to the House of Lamentation. Each of them were too worried to bother you so they all left you to do your own thing when you all got home.

However Mammon was still going to try to comfort you in his own way.

“Hey MC, ya wanna hang out and watch a movie? I got a few in my room and we can relax” he asked with a soft smile as she walked up behind you.

“Thanks but I’d rather rest right now, maybe later” and before he could even finish you were off.

It was odd, during any other time you would’ve enjoyed hanging out and relaxing in his room like you used to but as of now you really wanted to just be by yourself.

So quietly you made your way to your room and when you opened the door you were absolutely applauded by the way it looked.

Everything was everywhere and the decorations you had of you and your demons were ripped and taken down. Clean clothes were piled onto a chair and your bed was an absolute mess as a few shits and things littered the floor.

However you were too tired to take care of it at the moment. Due to how emotional exhausted you were a nap sounded lovey so you plopped down and in minutes you were out.

___

Around late afternoon you had walked into the kitchen to grab a snack since you didn’t exactly have much of an appetite after everything that had happened in the past two days. Surprisingly enough two demons were already occupying the kitchen when you arrived, one gossiped and the other listened even though he was believably bored.

“MC” Satan said with a smile, he was very grateful that someone showed up to stop Asmo’s rambling.

With a nod you dug through the fridge and grabbed something to eat and walked over to the two hesitantly.

“What are you both talking about?” You asked after they stayed silent and smiled at you.

Amso was the first to perk up and tell you. “Well we were just talking about some new gossip about this one actor and her husband, some people we know and you…well the other you”

“The other me?” You asked

“Yeah the one you switched with remember.” Satan added.

You nodded and then looked at them before responding. Just how did the other version of you act? Were they like the other Barbatos said? Angry, stubborn, and everything. Did they treat your demons like how they’d treated theirs? So many questions ran through your head at once, but you opted for only asking a basic one.

“So just how was the other version of me?”

“They were a bit intense at first…no I take it back they were really intense at first, but in reality they only wanted one thing in the end then they finally were content” Asmo said as he reapplied some lipstick to his lips.

“Really what did they want?” You asked, now interested in the other versions' motives.

“They just wanted an apology. After Belphie gave them an honest heart to heart in the planetarium they finally calmed down and we were able to be civil with them” Asmo explained.

“Yeah and they even started opening up a bit, although they were exactly like you so learning about what they liked was cute since we already know what you enjoy” Satan added with a smirk.

You tuned out the rest of the conversation they were having with you as you focused on the said “apology” Belphie gave the other version of you.

So it was true and they weren’t lying when they talked to you previously in the attic. Somehow that ticked you off even more.

“Oh yeah and we’re so sorry you had to go through all that crazy timeline stuff dear, I bet it’s been so exhausting huh?” Asmo asked as he rubbed your back.

“Uh huh” you replied and then brushed him off as you excused yourself out of the kitchen without another word, causing the two demons to look at you with a slightly confused expression.

Silently you paced around the house for a bit as you rethought about what the two of them said. With a sigh you ventured into the common room and stared at the fireplace. So you were worth a basic sorry but not one that took responsibility for all the damage they caused you?

It’s not as if their words actually meant anything. Honestly if they had been keen on sweeping the whole incident under the rug then why even offer the other version of you an apology?

They did it to better help them heal?

Bullshit.

What about you?

How come they could do that for anyone else other than you?

When you’ve helped them so much.

Your rage and jealousy had been bubbling up inside you for so long that it finally reached its breaking point.

If anyone was supposed to receive any words or actions of their forgiveness it should’ve been you and you were tired of pretending you didn’t deserve anything less than that.

In a rage you trashed the common room as Asmo and Satan watched in horror since they just happened to walk by.

They rushed to try and stop you but you used your pact to stop them in place as you broke everything in sight. The sound of yelling and glass breaking alerted all the other demons in the house and soon the rest of them watched in awe as you demolished anything in your path.

Mammon ran to you as you ripped the roses they all bought for you and tore them to shreds right in front of them. When he reached you he grabbed you by the arm and you shoved him away and yelled at him in response.

They all just kept getting in your way, it was so unbearable.

As the six demons froze in place due to their activated pacts you picked up one of the large vases Lucifer loved and proceeded to lift it up to throw at them.

“This is all your fault! Look at what you’ve done to me” you screamed out to the six demons standing in front of you. Your cry was not one of just anger, they could sense the sorrow in your voice. The way it cracked and longed to just be healed.

You wanted someone to comfort you and the ability for someone, anyone honestly to just acknowledge what had happened to you. Maybe then if they did you could finally feel like your feelings were valid, rather than unnecessary and pointless.

Fresh tears fueled by pure anger and frustration fell from your eyes as you got ready to swing the vase at the six of them. That was until the youngest brother rushed in front of his brothers and spoke.

“This is my fault MC, please don’t take it out on my brothers” Belphie said as he stepped in front of the six of them, shielding them with his body.

“No it’s not just your fault. It’s all of your faults. Don’t feel too special Belphie, you're not the only one out of your brothers who has tried to kill me.” you spat out.

“Each of you have threatened to end my life at least once ever since I’ve been here, and believe me I haven’t forgotten a single moment of it. Unlike before I continued to ignore what happened just like all of you but I’m fed up now.”

The seven demons looked at themselves then back at you and sighed.

“MC we’re truly sorry, you know we-“ Lucifer began.

“I don’t want your apology. It means nothing to me anymore. Especially since you can go and hand it out to whoever now” you replied swiftly, cutting him off in the process.

“Then if I truly can’t make you believe me I’ll show you.” Belphie then said quickly.

“And how do you expect to do that?” You asked, crossing your arms in front of your body.

“Take it out on me.”

“Excuse me?”

“All of your anger, everything you’ve had building up. Punch me, hit me, choke me, do whatever you need to do so that you don’t have to feel this way. I know my apology means nothing to you, and believe me this is much more selfish of me to ask you to do this but I want to make it up to you MC. Even if you’ll hate me for the rest of your life I want you to get the closure you deserve. I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you. For as long as I live”

Your eyes widened slightly as you looked at him in shock. You hadn’t expected him to actually respond like that, much less take responsibility for everything that had happened.

“Belphie-!” Beel began, he was still standing back with the others, but the worried look on his face was apparent as he watched his twin pour his heart out to the person they both cherished.

Belphie shook his head at his twin then looked back towards you. “I promise MC, I’ll show you how much of a better demon I can be. So go ahead”

The six demons behind you watched as you slowly approached the youngest hesitantly. Surprisingly enough he still had the same soft smile on his face as he watched you come closer.

Then you swung.

With a swift punch to the face, right on the nose Belphie stumbled back and grabbed his face as a small drop of blood pooled out.

You swung again.

And again,

And again.

As you watched the youngest fall to the floor you continued. And for some odd reason you didn’t feel bad about how beat up he was beginning to look.

Instead you finally felt a form of closure for the first time.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me angst #demon brothers #obey me luficer #obey me mammon #obey me levithan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos

[eggtwobroes]

big post explaining/apologizing for my (eggtwobroes/theyhitthepentagon) behavior under the read more

sorry for maintagging this i just. think its important

i dont really kniw how to word what im thinking so im like. going to type it as im thinking. but i wanted to make a real genuine post explaining my behavior over the past year, because ive been a dick there is no avoiding it!! this post is going to be about how ive acted from june up until now. im mostly going to be explaining the situations and apologizing. if you see this please feel free to share it around, i know it most likely will not reach alot of people because i have like. a loot of people blocked. and alot of people have me blocked. idk please share this ok thank u

back in june 2022 (specifically one year tomorrow, june 16th) i got like. really worked up after i had foundout that most of my adult mutuals (and some people i followed) were drawing hlvrai nsfw! the only post i had made about it (at least from what i remember) is liiike a not Kind post that basically said "hey if u like hlvrai nsfw please block me i thought that was common sense". after i posted this a large hlvrai artist (either by chance or caused by me) posted like "hey if u shit on hlvrai porn ur homophobic! sex is an important part of gay relationships etc etc"

this caused a Massive out break of discourse over hlvrai nsfw and me getting alot of adults in my inbox being weird towards me. here i feel its important to mention that:

when i was 12, i was around Ex Friends that posted a lot of porn of media i liked. even though most of them were teenagers and not that much older than me it Greatly Impacted Me and how i act, both related to what i saw and how i was treated

i used twitter from ages 12-15 (recently left) and you know how they handle conflict there. its not good

i dont think either of these excuse how i acted (but they may explain it)

the combined pressure of getting a bunch of adults in my anons being (from my perspective) really weird about this 14 year old kid who doesnt want porn artists to interact, and the unhealed trauma of Being Exposed To Homestuck Porn When I Was 12 (a devastating situation that everyone goes though all the time) i didnt really. handle it in a Good Way. which Means i sent horrible anon hate to people.i dont clearly remember if i made alot of public posts about the situation at the time (beyond answering the anons i was getting) but if i did im very very VERY sorry.

i feel like. alot of how i acted during this time (june-early august, mostly) was extremely Dickish and rude. as much as i justify or explain why i acted the way i did, i was still causing issues and handling the situation in a way that was unhealthy for not just myself but for everyone else around me. for this i really genuinely do apologize as much as i can, to the people ive hurt (melonsharks, xenodogz, many other artists) and to the people who were annoyed by me rehashing 3 year old drama. ever since the situation i have been working towards learning to block people and move on if they make content that makes me feel nauseous.

As for how ive acted in recent months, mostly over characterization, im not going to pretend that im already a new person. because im not! as much as i say im trying to be less of an asshole im just Not. it takes effort that i feel like im not putting in.

for those who just Dont look at my pages often enough, i will occasionally make posts about how hlvrai fans treat or characterize the. characters. and lets behonest these posts are really rude and ive been working on at LEAST being more vague or keeping it in private or like. just Not Posting it. but of course i HAVENT done all of those things! ive been really unvague!

ive posted direct screenshots of authors writing (someone younger than me, ive recently learned) to shit on it for being mischaracterized. i should Not have done that. at the very least i should have kept my thoughts to myself, not even shared with my friends.

after reading how other authors and artists have felt about the things ive said, and looking at the way ive come to think of other artists or authors in the community, ive realized that even though i thought i was targetting mischaracterization and poor treatment of the characters, i was harming and discouraging artists and authors who are still learning and growing as creators.

for this, im VERY very sorry to all of the artists and writers ive hurt or discouraged with my posts. i want to personally apologize to joyflameball, for publicly posting about and hating on your writing and the discouragement i caused as a result. i should have never put mischaracterization over your own feelings, and i definitely should not have put your work on blast, especially because we are (i think) around the same age. i will be trying as best as i can to deconstruct the way ive come to think of other creators in this community and support other creators as best i can.

i dont expect to be forgiven for the way ive acted, since alot of this is VERY very recent and so far i dont think ive shown any signs of improvement. i am writing this post now because i want you all to know that i will be trying my hardest to become a better person, change the way i think of other people, and change the way i act in public. i dont think my actions can be excused, as much as i try my best to explain them from my perspective. ive undeniably hurt many people. if i havent addressed something important, or if you have any questions/things to say, please feel free to send me an ask or dm me at wretched yaoi lich#9564 on discord. im most likely going to be queueing this post alot so my followers see it. thank u for ur time

#veru sorry if this isnt well articulated or put together because i just. typed as i was thinking

[fishfishfruit]

with twitter self imploding i thinking about shifting back here so i am cautiously starting with Some Thoughts on film red under the cut

yes!! i love the confirmation that usopp is the crew's stylist and makes their clothes. actually, i think oda might have mentioned something about usopp making t-shirts but i've also been re-reading saint young men so my wires are getting crossed, probably.

audience surrogate jinbe is great and helpful ngl. he's the only one asking the right questions and i love him for it. also?? they did just a fantastic job seamlessly adding him to the crew here. he had so many cool scenes i am so happy for him. 😭

i wanna say the most out of focus character in the movie was,,, zoro? he was. there. like he did a lot of cool things, but he didn't do a whole lot. which is fine bc i think characters like brook and usopp have been out of focus in the manga so giving them some time to shine isn't a bad thing. i honestly think the only thing zoro got out of the movie was free booze, he's happy. i'm happy.

we'll get to sanji. also zosan so do not fret i will be on brand for this.

im a dumbass who paid $25 US dollary doos for dolby digital (imax though, makes me nauseous) but holy fucking hell that was worth it, the music combined with the visuals looked so fucking Good on screen, i can't really imagine watching it on my laptop screen or even a tv. this is definitely the reason why we need theaters yet ngl.

uta gaslights the entire movie and we love her for it. i love oda's "were gonna make cute, morally ambiguous girlbosses" era

"oh no not another movie about a new character from a main character's childhood who we never met until now" actually i felt like uta's addition to the movie was a lot less contrived than sabo surviving a ship explosion, and tbf luffy is not really one to talk about his past all that much so it works for me.

most of the side characters were well intergrated into the movie with the exception of kalifa, i wish she'd done more but i guess there were already a lot of characters to organize.

im so happy they were like "brulee has such a fantastic devil fruit power we're gonna add her in here and also katakuri, sure, the people LOVE katakuri i love brulee she's so funny and my favorite charlotte sibling WEEPS

ok now we'll talk about the Boy.

sanji was a good boy

i love when sanji keeps his shit together, smooth operator sanji is such a Mood.

YES i did cry at him flirting with brulee omg that was such an adorable scene, i wish he was more flirty with older ladies like that. it feels so on brand for him to do that.

ok back in may i made a joke about sanji and zoro taking edibles in context of this movie and i didn't think there would be drugs in the film because of japan's views on illicit substances. and then uta slips sanji a shroom and i'm fuckin losing my shit. apollo pegging me with the dodgeball here.

music, violence, drugs, Woodstock 99 the anime. Anyway

i'll finish off this ramble with Zosan of course.

the pandering was so explicit i cannot believe toei made them sleep next to each other like a chaste 1950s couple with separate beds.

ok i said zoro did nothing earlier. 90 per cent of zoro's lines in the film were just him flirting with sanji and 45% of sanji's lines was him reciprocating. toei knows exactly what they are doing and its killing me.

the shoulder scene? fucking Shameless zoro. whore behavior.

imagine being anime only and watching zoro knock out a bunch of dudes with out even looking at them and sanji's leg turning into blue fire for 5 seconds. have fun wondering what that's all about.

and that 5 seconds where luffy does gear 5?? knocked my fuckin socks off

final thoughts: if i had the time i'd go watch it in theaters again. this movie?? this movie was made for me!! im sure there are a lot of flaws but personally it worked for what it was lol. 10/10.

#one piece #one piece film red #one piece film red spoilers #please don't click on this unless you've seen the movie #but most of it is rambling lol #talky posts

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

tw for sh and ed

this is kind of awkward, i don’t really know how to do this cause i’ve never done anything like it before haha. basically i’m in recovery for an ed and it’s really really awful and i don’t have anyone to talk to about it. i’ve been put on a meal plan which means i’ve had to go from eating 1-2 times a day to eating 6-7 times a day. it’s been two weeks and i’ve gone from 45kg to 46.2. i know objectively that’s not a lot but it feels like a lot. i’m full all the time, i feel sick all the time, i’m bloated, i don’t want to go anywhere or see anyone, i’m bitchy to everyone around me and i feel like i could just break down at any moment. i hate this. i’m not pro ana, i cannot stress that enough, but i never thought i had it and i just don’t think it’s as big a deal as everyone else thinks it is. it’s gotten so bad that i had a sh relapse about a week ago, my parents don’t know about it. this whole meal plan recovery thing is supposed to help me but it’s making my life miserable. i just don’t know what to do anymore. and i don’t have anyone else i can talk to about any of this stuff, i have friends i think, but not the kind of friends where we tell each other this kind of stuff. plus i’ve been having various different mental health problems for a couple years now and i feel like it’s always all about me and i don’t want to always make it about myself, i feel like they’re probably tired of it. and i can’t tell my parents. i just want to be able to choose how i live but i can’t because if i refuse to do the meal plan they’ll put me in a hospital and the nearest one is two hours away from my family and friends. i just hate feeling like this all the time.

For the record, if you don't want to overburden your friends the doors here are always open to return to. I myself, have multiple online spaces to rant towards.

I also wanna say, it is exceptional that you've been able to follow your meal plan. From 1-2 meals to 6-7??? I think i'd die. I sometimes feel nauseous just thinking about trying to meet the 3-4 meals a day im supposed to be getting. Such a drastic change is absolutely incredible to keep up with.

You may be tired of hearing it, but it does really get better. Kinda like coding, fix one problem and a lot of new things pop up, but it's progress. With a large increase in food, you'll find you have more energy to do things. Your body needs a lot of time to adjust to this change, and reacting negatively to positive change is not uncommon when it comes to recovery. The human body absolutely detests being thrown out of routine. While sh is pretty bad, its not something to have a crisis over. You might need a way to take out this newfound anger(?). For me exercise works pretty well for getting me calm and making me less snappish, also helped me increase my appetite. Though it would be very difficult with bloating, it would also help with the feeling of being full all the time and help your body with the new influx of material it's getting. I'm not a medical professional though, so take my words with a grain of salt as your doctors might not approve of that. At the very least having some sort of punching bag would be good. Might not help, but it's something to try.

Don't forget some over the counter nausea medicine if you aren't already taking some. Doesn't really work for me but tea usually works to sooth my stomache enough.

#vent blog #vent #anonymous vent #tw self harm mention

[curry-and-casteliacones]

Soooo.... good and bad news lol

But lets start with the good! A very kind soul gifted me a shiny dudunsparce. Her name is Chiffon and i would literally die for her. So ig someone has to come off my main team and i think it's gonna be Seraphine. I mean i'll still use Seraphine when i need her but i'd like to keep Chiffon with me for now.

As for bad..... I finally encountered my first annoying bug since my first couple hours of playtime. Yeah. At first y'all know i had the flickering grass issue that gave me a headache and made me lowkey kinda nauseous. But after that cleared up the only thing ive had is the pokeball in doorways issue which i could not care less about. Now it's much worse. There is just an entire talonflame in every room. So now i don't wanna do any classes or cutscenes in case it makes them look bad :(( So im hoping this clears up on its own so i can continue.

In the mean time i'm going to take a look at Chiffons moves and decide what i want her to have and how im gonna use her. I might do some tera raids as well cuz i built a support umbreon recently and wanna try it out. I wanna build some more support mons eventually but im not even done with the game yet lol so i think ill wait.

#ink plays violet

[cricketkyum]

respectfully if somewhere else doesnt hire me im going to blow my brains out

#mumbles #i cannoottttt do it and im getting so anxious over the idea of Going To Work and i know id maybe feel a smidgen better if i asked for less #hours but ive never and literally i think im close to missing 10 days rn in the fucking 4 months ive worked there #and moms like 'oh you've gone through a lot since your last job im not that surprised with your performance slipping' but its still so 😭😭😭 #like i used to be GOOD at my job but now i go to work (new place) and im nauseous and anxious and cry consistently and my hours suck and its #like i know this is real retail and im being a huge baby or i should just advocate for myself but its like i want 😭😭 consistency #and everywhere SMELLS it smells like gross rotten cheese in the dairy cooler it smells like garbage in the produce room it smells like mold #and like 😭😭😭 im being a huge baby i know i just 😭😭 cannot fucking do it and maybe if i wasnt in produce i wouldnt feel this way and it #wouldnt be that bad but like. idk what to do w myself. theres 0 consistency. when i worked the same shift constantly it was better because i #could fuck off for my lunch at a time that didnt feel horrible and i was the first to go so i didn't have to worry abt the floor or stepping #on ppls toes but like. im going to blow my brains out if somewhere else doesnt hire me. 😭😭 #doesnt help that im 👌this close to maxing out my credit cards i cant go to school this year bevause of that i bought a dog because my fuckin #soul cat i grew up with died and like im going to kms 😭😭😭😭

[trivial0ve]

:D

#hey guy i have some p good news #im making progress and i can physically feel it now #its been about a week since i started taking my new medicine and omg i can feel the positive effect on me #i feel less nauseous when/before/after eating #jst today i was telling my mom about this #instead of getting nauseous all the time now i only get the symptoms a few times during the day #today i only felt it once and that was at lunch #like i am so happy honestly this is huge for me #i dont know if my vitamins are doing anythnig but my night pills for my tension issues arent really doing anything #but the others are so !!!!!!!!!!!! ahh estoy tan feliz que siento que voy a llorar #en serio que me estoy sintiendo normal poco a poco

[freshmanyearhistoryteacher]

m teacher x f student who failed a test and normally does really well, and feels really shitty about disappointing him, if you don't mind.

Word count: 879

Contains:

- light description of anxiety,

- physical touch from TC (non-sexy)

ENJOY!! THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST MWAH MWAH THIS TOOK ME SO LONG IM SO SORRY <3 <3 <3 !!!1!!!!1!!!!11

It never felt nice when a test came back, handed upside down and folded like it contained secrets no one else should know. Of course, it was a very typical move and the students around you recognised the signs of a bad grade before you had even seen the mark yourself. Though, it was debatable that you would have wanted to even as you began to flip the page and react to the mark.

It was a pass. Nearly a typical mark for a student who admittedly didn’t do enough study nor any of the complete readings for the class but… the disappointment hung low in your stomach. Your throat began to close and swallowing became too difficult, each attempt made you nauseous. This was nowhere near your normal. High 60s had become the new 50s and 70s the new passing mark but now, staring at the 52 written in bold across the top of your paper, tears began to burn in your eyes. Students around you were filtering out, grabbing their friends, celebrating their grades in what seemed to be a direct move to add insult to injury, salt to the wound.

In honesty, the teacher had half expected you to return the paper without saying a word or to even demand that someone must have marked it wrong. He never, not in a million years, had expected to meet your terrified eyes as he turned back to observe what he expected to be an empty classroom. You were shaking, the paper clutched a little too tight in your clammy hands, with your eyes blinking too fast to fight back to waves of shameful tears.

Why hadn’t you just done better? It was a simple question to answer really. You had been sick, away from school for the better part of a week, you hadn’t had time for the agonising textbook between headaches and hot flushes but.. reasons quickly became excuses after that and the idea of disappointing your teacher triumphed over them all. He seemed uncertain, the debate between coming to comfort and admitting it was probably the grade you deserved seemed clear in his eyes, though you were never entirely sure of what he was thinking, only that he was confused in this moment.

“I’m sorry,” you croaked, trying to hide the sadness behind a forced laugh with your head thrown back and eyes focused to the ceiling. You took a deep breath before clearing your throat and turning back. He was standing right there, next to your desk with the paper in his hands. Instinctively, your mind told you to snatch the paper away, maybe burn it in a fire pit in some abandoned field as closure but instead, you sat there in your better judgment.

“They were harsh,” he said in a slightly deeper tone than normal, like he was trying to appear less threatening or excitable than normal. “It wasn’t good,” he looked up at you for a reaction in which you coughed to hide the near whine that built up inside of you. It was shameful such a small expression of disappointment from your teacher brought you so low, but it did, and it felt like the sky was crashing down around you with each passing second. “It’s ok, you know,” he kept going, “honestly your grades are, they’re amazing frankly.” You smiled softly but kept your head down to hide the now streaming tears. Fuck sakes, you should have been better than this. You should have been better at a lot of things…

“I won’t count it,” he concluded with a finality that left you speechless and in your own confusion.

“What?”

“I won’t count it. It was unfair of me to force you to sit a test you had no preparation for and then allow the other teachers to judge you so harshly.” He held the paper back out like it was a new symbol of hope and it nearly was. The bitter thoughts of hatred and guilt that swam through your body like acid vanished and you held the other end of the paper, your eyes were glued to him. “I’m sorry,” you said again out of complete shock. His hand slowly reached for your face, a soft smile blooming across his constantly warm and inviting features. His touch saw rougher than you had expected, fingers calloused and scared from the years of sport and essay writing, but as gentle as silk at the same time as he wiped the tears from your red cheeks.

“Never apologise to me like that,” he said softly, fingers moving to grasp your chin while his thumb toyed with your bottom lip. “You could never disappoint me. Not that easily, at the least.” You nodded, every intrusive thought of doubt evaporated the longer you stared into his desperate eyes. He was desperate, you repeated to yourself over and over, desperate to prove I was enough, that he would never hate me for something so trivial as a mark. It was trivial. What should have taken you hours to move on from, ruined your nights sleep with anxious restlessness, and destroyed any hopes of success, now seemed insignificant in comparison to his touch.

“You’re my favourite student,” he whispered, hand dropping from your face.

"Wait," you called, grabbing his wrist. You felt in that moment that you could have said anything and he would have moved mountains to comply from the simple way he looked back with amusement.

...... blah blah blah im very tired but this was cute <3

#tcc #tc #teacher crush #teacher crush community #fanfic #female student #male tc #teacher x student #male teacher #imagine #tcc imagine #tc confessions #tcc feelings #anxious reader #anxietyau #au #fic #fanfiction

[someonestolemyshoes]

Hi! Have u done any pregnant Hanji and overprotective daddy Levi already?? Yep i think im craving for more domestic levihan family, im sorry 😭

Im a bit new here in the community, and when i read ur works, i fell in love with it already, thank you for existing!!! 💖💖💖

Hello anon! Thank you so much, I’m so glad you enjoyed my other fics :3 Sorry for the very long wait for this one, I've been struggling to find the time/motivation to write lately, but I'm feeling a little better and I figured I'd get to work on some of my prompts. Starting here!!

It ended up a little less domestic and a touch more angsty than I had originally planned, but only for a moment--happy endings all round! 

Warning: this does start off with non-graphic depictions of nausea/vomiting, I hope that doesn't bother you!

Hange had been feeling unwell for days.

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence—Hange tended to wake up feeling nauseous some days, most often when she'd neglected to eat a decent meal the evening before—but this was the fourth morning in a row now, that Hange found herself bent over the toilet bowl in the early hours of the morning, heaving up nothing but acid and empty air. 

She retched until her stomach ached. There was nothing left to bring up, but her gut still rolled unpleasantly and there was a telling tremor under her tongue that warned her it might be best to stay in the bathroom a little while longer. She settled heavily against the wall to catch her breath.

It didn't make any sense. For most of the day, Hange felt fine. A little tired, maybe, but that was only to be expected after spending half the night every night on the bathroom floor. Tonight, no doubt, would follow the uncomfortably familiar routine: Hange would dry-heave a little longer, until the queasiness abated enough for Levi to convince her to come back to bed, and then she would toss and turn, too warm beneath the bed clothes, until she could fall into a restless sleep. She'd wake up feeling a little groggy, a little bleary, unreasonably hungry, but after a coffee and some breakfast she would feel well again. Perfectly normal.

Like clockwork, Levi appeared in the doorway just as Hange had flopped herself back over the toilet. She felt his palm, cool and soft, press against the back of her neck. Hange gathered her hair back from her face with both hands, braced her elbows on the toilet bowl, letting out a groan of discomfort as her stomach twisted, threatened to revolt again. Levi's thumb rubbed soothingly against her neck.

Sure enough, she brought up nothing more, but she gagged plenty, and found herself gasping for breath by the time she leaned back against Levi, aching and exhausted. His lips pressed into her damp hair.

Levi was as silent as always. His touch was pleasant, his presence welcome. Hange needed the hand he offered to pull her to her feet, needed his reassuring grip at her hips as she brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth out. Her quaking knees felt unstable beneath her. 

He lay facing her after they got into bed. Hange was sprawled out atop the covers, shifting restlessly to find the coolest patches on the bed. Levi watched her for a moment, then said, "This isn't normal."

Hange only grumbled.

"You said you'd book an appointment with the doctor."

Hange grumbled again. Levi ticked his tongue and rolled to lie on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Call tomorrow."

"If I didn't know better," Hange said sluggishly, "I'd say you were worried about me."

He scowled and rolled onto his other side, his back to her now.

"No, just sick of waking up at half four every morning to drag you back to bed."

Hange managed a small, wicked snicker, but shuffled across the space between them and pressed an apologetic kiss to the back of his neck.

"Must be dreadful," she said. Her voice sounded raw, hoarse. She buried her nose into his hair and took a long, deep breath. Levi grunted, but reached back and pulled her arm loosely over his hip. He knotted their fingers together loosely.

"Call them, Hange."

Hange gave his fingers a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"I will."

**

Hange prided herself on being a reasonably intelligent person. She had two degrees, was working towards her doctorate, and already had her name on a small handful of peer-reviewed research papers. She spoke multiple languages, read dissertations for fun, kept a (in Levi’s words) disgustingly realistic human skeleton in a box under the bed for study purposes, and had spent the better part of the last 26 years of her life studying human biology and physiology.  

How she had not predicted that she might be pregnant was almost unfathomable. 

She left the doctors office in a daze with an appointment card and several pamphlets in hand. She had been referred hastily to a midwife and the hospital would soon be sending out a date for an ultrasound—“As soon as possible,” the doctor had said, “since you’re not sure how far along you are.” 

The thing is, Hange had been on the same birth control pill for years now. Forgetful as she may be about many, many things (like eating, and bathing, and washing the dishes and taking out the garbage and and and), Hange was religious in taking that damn pill at the same time every single day. She had never missed it, not even once. Without a regular cycle, Hange had no way of predicting when they had conceived, and the doctor was eager to make sure no essential landmarks in her antenatal care were missed, if they could possibly help it.

The thought had never even crossed her mind. It seemed ridiculous now, in hindsight. The sickness was one thing, but now that she thought about it, there were a whole host of small oddities that Hange could easily attribute to pregnancy. Lethargy, and bloating, heartburn, and she had been peeing more than usual—Hange groaned, and scrubbed her hands over her face. She should have suspected, at least. Should have put the pieces together sooner. 

But, stupid and naive as it may be, she hadn’t thought it possible. Why worry about it, when Hange had taken consistent precautions to avoid it? 

She felt queasy the entire bus ride home. 

It wasn’t that she was against the idea of having children. One day, maybe. When she had finished her doctorate, got herself a steady, well-paid job. When she and Levi had moved out of their tiny, cramped apartment into somewhere bigger, somewhere more suited for a family. 

And god. Levi. 

This was something they’d never really talked about. For his part, Levi never seemed all that interested. He was good with Hange’s nieces and nephews, and Erwin’s son adored him, and he hadn’t showed any express dislike for children, but—well, tolerating other peoples little brats and raising your own are two very different things. 

What if Levi didn’t want the baby? What if he did? Hange wasn’t even sure herself what she wanted to do about the whole situation—what if she didn’t want it? What if, after some reflection, Hange decided now wasn’t a good time? Could they even afford a baby right now? Hange’s money was tied up in her education, while Levi was just making ends meet at the office. They got by well enough with just the two of them, but add in a baby? A whole other person, entirely dependant on them for support? Hange could barely feed and bathe herself, some days, never mind responsibly care for a child. 

By the time the bus pulled up near the house, Hange felt more distressed than ever. Levi, at least, was at work until the evening, so she had a few more hours to herself to mull everything over, but the entire situation made her stomach clench and churn unpleasantly with every new thought. 

The prospect of having a child was terrifying. The prospect of not having this child was nauseating. 

Levi had left the flat in pristine condition when he had left for work, but Hange barely had the energy to feel even a little guilty as she shrugged off her coat and kicked off her shoes, leaving both strewn about the floor. She dumped her bag and made her way sluggishly through to the bedroom. 

Levi had made the bed. The sheet was stretched flat over the mattress, the pillows perfectly fluffed and set against the headboard. Hange’s nightshirt, one of Levi’s old, baggy shirts, too stretched and threadbare for him to wear, had been folded neatly and left on her side of the bed, her slippers lined up smartly with the bed frame. For some reason—hormones, she told herself—her eyes watered, and a lump swelled in her throat. She sniffled pitifully as she stripped off her clothes and pulled on the shirt, clambering into the bed and tugging the sheets until the cocooned around her. 

Hange passed the rest of the day tossing and turning in bed. She tried to nap, but her mind was too restless, occupied with thoughts of the baby, with the concept of having to tell Levi when he came home. She could try to lie, say the doctors had done some blood work, that she was waiting on the results of some test or other, but Levi knew her too well. She could never lie to him, and her despondent state would give her away before she had the chance to say anything. 

The sun was beginning to set by the time she heard Levi’s keys in the door. She felt exhausted, head aching with all the thinking, considering, weighing up her options; with running over every possible outcome she could imagine. Keeping the baby, getting rid of the baby, Levi not wanting the baby, Levi leaving over the baby—every scenario she could imagine was worse than the last. There was only one idea that she had hardly dared entertain, in fear of disappointment if things didn’t work out. 

She heard Levi call out for her, but gave no answer. She listened, curled up in a ball on her side, as he shuffled around, no doubt picking up her coat and shoes from where she had abandoned them. And then he made his way towards the bedroom, steps soft on the plush carpet. The bedroom door creaked open. 

“Hange?” 

She made a small, warbled noise under the bedclothes. Levi came to sit on the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his weight. His hand found the curve of Hange’s hip. 

“How was it?” 

Hange made another noncommittal sound. She wiped her nose and eyes on the sheets, but didn’t dare show her face just yet. She wasn’t ready. She had never prepared for this conversation, never even imagined it before today. It was too soon. Not enough time to rehearse. 

Levi’s hand moved to her back, rubbing lightly up and down her spine, before dropping to the mattress behind her. He leaned over her, and she felt his lips press warm and gentle to the point of her shoulder. A fresh wave of tears poured over the bridge of her nose and down the side of her face. 

She tried to be quiet, but something—the shake of her shoulder, perhaps, or the shudder of air as she tried to take a steadying breath in—gave way to her crying. Levi moved off the bed, but Hange felt his fingers prying lightly at the sheets, pulling them down until he could get a good look at her face. He was kneeling by the bed now, face level with her, and he looked at her with worry pinching deep creases between his brows. 

“Oi, what’d they say?” 

Hange bit the inside of her lip and rubbed her damp cheek on the pillow. If Levi was bothered by her using their bedding as a tissue, he didn’t show it. He simply looked at her, eyes darting over her face, searching. It occurred to Hange then how this must look to him. She had gone to the doctors due to unexplained, violent sickness, and now she is in bed, hours later, still crying about whatever news she had received. 

“I’m fine,” she said. Levi’s tense shoulders relaxed a fraction, but his face remained pinched, frowning and concerned. Hange wanted to tell him quickly, simply, like ripping off a plaster, but the words would not come. She opened her mouth, but her throat constricted painfully. 

Eventually, she said, “my bag. There’s some stuff in my bag. Have a look.” 

Levi gave her a somewhat quizzical look, but stood, dropping a quick kiss to her temple before going to fetch the bag, and dipping his hand in to fish out the contents inside. 

Hange watched with her breath held and her stomach clenched as Levi pulled out the handful of leaflets and turned them over, looking at each one in turn. His eyes widened fractionally as comprehension dawned on him. His lips pressed into a thin line. Leaden weight settled in Hange’s gut. She curled into a tighter ball, pressing the bedsheets over her mouth and nose, waiting for him to gather himself enough to say something. 

After a moment, he spoke. 

“That’s all?” 

Huh? “Huh?!” 

Hange disentangled her arms from the sheets and sat up, staring at him. Levi moved to sit on the edge of the bed again, a scowl back on his face, though there was an intriguing flush high on his cheeks as he whacked her lightly on the top of the head with the leaflets. 

“Stupid four-eyes,” he said, exasperated. “Crying like that. I thought you were dying.”  

“I’m pregnant.” Hange said the word slowly, carefully, in case Levi had somehow misunderstood. He had the audacity to look at her like she was stupid.

“I can see that.” 

“And you have nothing more to say about it? That’s all?” 

Levi shrugged a little at her. Aside from the small patches of colour in his cheeks, Levi seemed wholly unfazed by the revelation. 

“It’s just a baby. We can handle a baby.” 

“That doesn’t terrify you?” 

Levi scrutinised her for a moment, before he said, “are you scared?” 

“Yes? Yes! How are you so calm? We can’t afford a baby—we don’t have the time for a baby? Where will they going to sleep? We don’t have a spare room. Can we get time off work to take care of a baby? How will we pay for childcare when we can’t be around?” 

“Hange,” Levi said, putting a stop to her rambling. He watched her with a pinched stare. “Do you not want it?” 

Hange had spent the majority of the day mulling over this same question. Staring a family was a huge, life-changing commitment, something that required  careful forethought and planning. They had not had that luxury. Hange was pregnant now. She had doubts and fears, more than she could ever express, but the idea of simply having a baby—of having this baby—wasn’t upsetting. In the small, brief moments she had allowed herself to imagine a future where she and Levi were parents, where they weren’t wanting for money or time, where things were well, she felt happy. Giddy. The prospect was almost exciting. 

“It’s not that,” Hange said earnestly. “I do—I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I—I do want it. But I just—we had no time to prepare. We have no savings, we have no space, I’m a mess. How are we supposed to take care of a tiny person? Babies are hard work, Levi.”

“You’re already hard work.” 

Hange laughed weakly, and wiped at her face again. Levi pressed a kiss to her raw cheek. 

“We’ll figure it out,” he said.

Hange leaned into him, sighing quietly. 

“Is this the kind of thing we can just figure out?” 

Levi hummed, shrugging his shoulder. His fingers skimmed up beneath Hange’s shirt, splaying over the small of her back and pulling her closer. 

“Why not? We’ve done a good job bullshitting our way through everything else.”  

Hange laughed lightly and bumped the side of her head against Levi’s.  

“This is different, Levi. This is a person. A tiny little person who is going to need me and you to do everything for them. What if we can’t do it? What if we mess up?” 

“Hange.” Levi pulled back a little and his hands came up to grip either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. “Stop. I know all that. But if you want the brat, and I want the brat, we’ve got no choice but to get on with it.” 

“I know, I know, but—wait, you want the baby?” 

Levi maintained eye contact with her, but it seemed to take a concentrated effort to do so. The flush of his cheeks deepened a little and his lips quirked at the corners. No doubt to compensate for the show of emotion, he pulled his face into his customary frown. 

“It’s fine,” he said. Hange fought the urge to roll her eyes and caught his hands as he lowered them from her face, pulling them into her lap. 

“Are you saying that because it’s already too late, or do you want to keep it?” 

Levi’s face took on a look of constipated strain. He curled his lip as though in distaste, then hooked a hand around the back of Hange’s neck and pulled her face to his abruptly, smacking a kiss to her lips. He let his forehead settle against hers and stroked his thumb over the hinge of her jaw. 

He fought to keep his tone neutral, but Hange could hear the happy tremor in his voice as he said again, “It’s fine.”

For the first time since hearing the news that day, Hange allowed herself to feel excited. To accept the idea that she and Levi were about to start their own bizarre little family. That Levi was still with her felt incredible enough, but to know that he was pleased—it was more than she could ever have hoped for. Hange gave a wet laugh and kissed him again. 

“Are you allergic to looking happy?” Hange asked as they broke apart. Levi clicked his tongue and pulled back to flick her square between the eyebrows. She laughed a little louder and leaned to wipe her runny nose on his shoulder. Levi muttered under his breath, but didn’t push her away.  

“Okay,” Hange said, after a moment. She sat back and pushed her hair back from her face. “Okay. We’re having a baby, then.” 

Levi’s rubbed the smile from his lips with the back of his hand, nodding. “We’re having a baby.” 

Hange sunk down to flop back over the pillows. Levi looked down at her, head tilted, chewing the inside of his lip. Hange reached up to brush his fringe off his forehead, warmth spilling in her chest when he held her hand close and turned to kiss her palm. 

She smiled a little playfully, and freed a leg from the sheets to dig her toes into his ribs. 

“If I’d known you wanted kids I would have been significantly less stressed, you know.” 

Levi quirked a brow at her. 

“I’ve told you that before.” 

“No, you haven’t.” 

“I have. At your sisters wedding.” 

Hange racked her brain, searching for the conversation. She remembered the occasion, and she remembered that she and Levi had somehow ended up babysitting Hange’s family brood. She remembered Levi, wrestling to keep her youngest nephew on his lap while the eldest, still only five or six at the time, was clambering up the back of his chair, sticky hands tugging at Levi’s collar. Hange fought hard to recall more of what was said, but could remember nothing at all of Levi announcing that he had wanted one of his own. 

“You said these brats aren’t so bad,” Hange said slowly. 

Levi nodded at her. Hange waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t, only looked at her like there was nothing more he needed to say. 

“That’s it? That’s your idea of telling me you want kids?” 

“The hell else could I have meant?” 

Hange dug her toe at him again but Levi caught her foot this time, pushing it firmly down onto the mattress. Hange reached for him with both arms instead, curling them around the back of his neck and tugging him down quickly. He toppled over her with a quiet oof, and Hange rolled them quickly, straddling his waist and dropping her weight down onto him. 

“That is the kind of thing you say clearly, Levi! These brats aren’t so bad—you’re ridiculous!” 

Levi wrestled with her arms a little longer before giving up and bringing his hands instead to rest low on her hips. He watched her with a curious expression on his face, something open and soft, and then his eyes roved down to her abdomen and his thumbs brushed inwards, beneath the hem of her shirt, stroking over her lower belly. 

This time, he didn’t fight his smile. 

He reached up and pulled her down by the neck, and kissed her soundly. Hange melted against him, welcomed the press of his tongue between her lips, shuddered pleasantly when he nipped at her bottom lip. She went with him willingly as he rolled them both over, nudging a knee between her legs and settling his weight against her. 

She was spreading her legs to make space for him, when he paused suddenly, and pulled back, leaning over the bed and scooping through the discarded back of leaflets. Hange, winded and dishevelled, watched him incredulously as he flicked through the contents of one, then tossed it aside and opened another. 

“What are you doing?” 

Without looking up, Levi replied, “Checking.” 

“Checking what?” 

“I wanna know if we can still—” he waved a hand between them, and went back to searching. 

“We’ve been—” Hange mimicked his gesture, “—up until now anyway.” 

Levi looked up at her, looking mildly horrified. He held up one his open leaflet and said, “You’ve been drinking alcohol, too. You’re not supposed to do that. And look, here—you’re not supposed to overwork. You’ll have to take on less hours at the university. And you’ll eat. Proper damn meals. Every day.” 

Hange flopped back against the pillows, eyes rolling, watching as Levi picked up each new leaflet in turn, pointing out every little adjustment that Hange would have to make. 

“This one says you should get eight to ten hours sleep per night. Every night. And not so much coffee, the caffeine’s bad for the baby.” 

The baby. It sounded surreal. It sounded ridiculous. Levi shifted to sit against the headboard beside her after opening the chunky little What to Expect While Expecting volume Hange had been handed while leaving the doctors. He seemed thoroughly engrossed, and seemingly unaware when one of his hands reached out to pull Hange’s hair free of its ponytail and sink into her hair. She hummed happily as his nails scraped over her scalp. 

Things were still scary, and Hange was still uncertain about how this whole adventure might turn out. But Levi was still with her, and Levi was happy, and that—

—Well, that was good enough. 

#levihan #ask #my writing #this was fun!! thank you :D #hoping I can get around to the other prompts soon too!!

[oddaodd]

Hesitation

· Tommy Shelby is hesitant to be happy about his wife being pregnant · 

Warnings: a bit of angst, pregnancy, thoughts of abortion. 

The feeling of nausea right after waking up did little to soothe y/n’s inkling. She had been feeling nauseous every morning for a week or so and what at first she decided not to acknowledge became a bit too suspicious for her to keep ignoring. So she followed her instincts and after inquiring with Pol over tea, her suspicions were confirmed. She was pregnant. It didn’t come much of as a surprise because she sort of already knew, but she just had to be sure. So, with news in hand she decided to pay Tommy a visit. 

She wasn’t quite sure of how he’d react. They had been friends since they could remember, they had been married for a while and even despite having all the time in the world, they had never talked about having children. He had never said he wanted another child, but he had also never said he didn’t want another child and as for y/n, she had never thought of becoming a mother but now that she was going to be one, she couldn’t be happier. Her mind filled up with ideas of their future baby, how would she name them, what kind of person they would grow up to be and what would they look like. Being caught in her daydream, the ride from Polly’s house to the Shelby Company building  went almost unnoticed and she found herself walking into his office without even knocking after greeting everyone she saw rather gaily. 

He was sitting behind his desk, with a cigarette hanging from his lips (as per usual), eyes frowning behind his glasses at some seemingly important paperwork. The sound of his office door opening made him roll his eyes  as he looked up ready to remind whomever it was to knock before entering only for his whole persona to soften when he saw it was her.  

“Although I love your surprise visits, You have picked the wrong time to make one” He said taking off his glasses and shifting his focus from the pile of papers laying on his desk, to her. 

She couldn’t contain her excitement as she sat down on the chair opposite of him and said “I assumed so, but I have something very important to tell you” 

He smiled at her antics putting out his cigarette  “oh yeah?” 

  “I’m pregnant” she smiled expecting a positive reaction but what came next was everything but. 

He raised his eyebrows in surprise and his lips parted a little. Something along the lines of dread and re flashed across his face. For a brief moment all words escaped his mind and when they came back all he could say was “Are you sure?” 

His question caught her off guard and she didn’t know how to process it, sure it wasn’t positively terrible but his tone told her he wasn’t happy at all. His face returned to his serious nature as he waited for her response, which made her reconsider every thought she daydreamed of in the way there. 

“Well, Pol is never wrong” she said hesitantly, Looking down at her hands. All the confidence and joy with which she came into the room having been dissipated and replaced with uncertainty and doubt. 

Tommy sighed “Yeah, she never is” 

He grabbed a cigarette from his cigarette holder and rubbed it against his lips a few times before lighting it and continuing “it’s getting late, we should head home”

It wasn’t late at all. Tommy always arrived home much later than it was then, but she felt unable to speak and question him so she just got up and exited the building with Tommy following closely behind her, some of the papers he had been previously working on safely tucked in his arm.  

A deadly silence befell the ride to Arrow house. Both y/n and Tommy deep in thought. He felt guilty for his reaction, specially when he saw her deflate so at his words, but he was also terrified. In his own eyes, he was a terrible father and as much as he hated the sound of it, having another child meant having another weakness, he was already terrified of loosing Charlie and y/n and now, he would be terrified to loose his unborn child. Unbeknownst to him, Y/n´s thoughts loosely resembled his. She too felt Guilty and terrified and after giving it more thought she felt awfully selfish . She knew they lived a dangerous life and wondered if it was the kind of life she wanted to bring a child into even if the bare idea of being a mother made her insides gleam, she wondered if it would be best to never let it become acquainted with the world. 

When they arrived home. She held on to a tiny glimpse of hope that he maybe would have wanted to talk and clear things out, but all he did was lock himself in his office. Deciding not to push things further she made her way upstairs stopping in front of Charlie’s room to see him safely sleeping in his bed. A smile made its way to her face and then she decided she would keep her baby. All those daydreams she had earlier in the day of coming back to her as she murmured good night to Charlie. She silently closed the door and walked to her and Tommy’s room. She couldn’t help it but cry herself to sleep that night overwhelmed by the events of the day. 

She woke up alone, Tommy had already left and with a feeling of determination and sadness she faced the day. Pol payed her a visit and y/n told her everything. She advised her on what to do and what not to do as a pregnant woman and before leaving she told y/n that Tom would eventually come to his senses. Y/n felt much better after taking to Pol, she always did, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t picture Tommy coming around. 

5 months had passed and  her belly had started to grow and with it, the love for her unborn child. Even Charlie was exited about having a sibling, but Tommy was still reluctant. In fact, she seldom saw him. He always came home when she was already sleep and he always left before she woke up. She started to miss him as dreadful thoughts clouded her mind. Would he leave her? Had his love for her ceased? The prospect seemed unlikely, but unlikely as it was, it started to keep her awake some nights. 

One of those nights she was laying in bed, trying to fight her thoughts into sleep as he slowly and silently opened the door, concentration evident on his face trying not to make a sound, hoping to find her asleep only to be surprised to find her staring at him. 

“Thought you’d be asleep” he said, the concentration in his face disappearing as he steeped inside the room much less carefully and got rid of his clothes not looking at her anymore.

“My mind is plagued by thoughts” she said as she looked at him as he undressed. Not really paying much attention to her actions or the words that had just left her mouth, thinking that she hadn’t actually said them.  

He turned to look at her and then she realized she had actually said them. She could tell he hadn’t  expected her to speak at all, hell, she didn’t expect herself to speak at all. He just nodded and hummed before getting into his side of the bed looking at the ceiling. 

She kept looking at him not caring if he noticed, it had been so long since he had laid next to her and she felt a bit nostalgic to see him there, almost as a vision of days long gone . He did notice and titled his head ever so slightly to look at her. She hesitatingly scooted closer to him laying her head on his chest refusing to look at him in the eye. When he didn’t attempt to push her away, she felt instantly relieved, as if that was a reminder that he still cared for her. He sighed, in relief as well. Silence reigned for a bit longer until y/n´s words broke it. 

“I’ve missed you” she silently confessed, tracing some of the freckles scattered across his chest. How she adored his freckles.

“I know,” he said bringing his hand to caress her cheek making her look up at his eyes. “I’ve missed you too” 

Her eyes welled up a little as he continued “I’m sorry. For everything” 

She just stared at his eyes unable to speak, she felt like she needed to find the perfect words to describe everything she was feeling and she felt those words didn’t even exist. Her silence prompted Tommy to continue speaking 

“I’m not a good man nor a good father. Charlie got kidnapped once, Grace died because of me. I’m terrified and I don’t want anything happening to you or to this baby or to Charlie ever again” 

She sighed with a mixture of bittersweet emotion. “ You can’t control everything” she said bringing her hand to his face “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, then maybe you would realize you are a good man” she said with a sad smile. “I love you, Charlie does too and im sure this child will do just as much” .

She took his hand in hers and placed it on her slightly swollen belly, the feeling of it caused a small smile to appear across Tommys face. Y/n smiled at the sight, she had missed his smile more than she knew she had. They both stared into each others eyes “Promise me you’ll be here still when I wake up” she pleaded.  

He intently looked into her eyes before kissing her with months worth of pent up emotion. “I promise”

#Tommy Shelby #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby angst #thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby angst #tommy shelby one shot #thomas shelby one shot #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinders angst

[barsformars]

reaction: to their s/o being afraid of thunderstorms; ateez

req: hi! i absolutely love your writing, could i request an ateez reaction to s/o being scared of thunderstorms? thank you so much <3

a/n: thank you so much for requesting! this was kinda cute to write. also,, trying a different format here- not using gifs- lmk if y'all like it with gifs better? + first work im posting in this new year hehe hope y'all enjoy it <3

genre - fluff | pairing - ateez x reader | warnings - none

⭒❃.✮:▹ seonghwa

seonghwa had came home to you hidden under your covers as you watched the television on almost max volume, the curtains fully closed.

"love, isn't it a little too loud?" he had covered his own ears from how deafening it was and he had to pretty much yell for you to hear him. you paused the show when you took notice of him, quickly apologising as you tried to explain yourself when you saw another flash of lightning through the curtains. you slapped your two hands over your ears and squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for the loud ripping sound from the sky.

seonghwa sat himself next to you and pulled you into his embrace, cupping your cheeks so that you would look at him. "love, do you trust me?" you nodded as you slowly opened your eyes.

seonghwa turned the television off and gently pried your hands away from your ears, letting your hands rest on the sides of his thighs. "let's be a little kinder to your ears, alright?" he leaned in closer and whispered into your ears. "do you want to tell me about your day or shall i go first?"

basically mars asmr but live, and when you do get surprised by the thunder, he would shush you affectionately and comfort you, continuing on about his day.

⭒❃.✮:▹ hongjoong

"can i hide in here for a little while?" you had peeked into his studio to see that he was just monitoring his past performances through fancams, surely you wouldn't be a distraction.

"from what?" he paused his video and whipped his head back to ask, confused. you were supposed to be at the dance studio, helping wooyoung and yunho check their choreography even if you weren't that experienced in dance.

"the thunderstorm, your studio is the only place where i can neither see nor hear anything so..." ah, he had no idea there was a thunderstorm outside. if he was he would have rushed over to you immediately, knowing just how afraid you can get.

"sure babe, make yourself comfortable." hongjoong would then turn on the ambience lighting to a dark blue and play some really soothing classical music, hoping that it would calm you down and take your mind away from the ongoing thunderstorm. when he sees that you were still a little frightened from earlier on, he drapes his warm jacket over you, "don't worry, you're safe here." he would also go to the kitchen to make a cup of warm tea for you to calm you down.

⭒❃.✮:▹ yunho

yunho loves thunderstorms, and he loves sitting by the window and staring out as the flashes of electricity branch out like veins in the sky, so full of life. that's what scares you the most, you know the extent of damage lightning can cause having lived in houses without good lightning protection systems.

"don't sit too near to the windows, you might get hurt!" you warned for the umpteenth time but your boyfriend refused to listen, saying that it would never happen.

"this apartment is safe, i promise," yunho reassured you, even gesturing for you to come join him over there. he wasn't going to force you if you still refused after the third time he asked but you decided to go. you've been trying to get over your fear of thunderstorms anyways.

he would wrap his arms around your waist and let you rest your head on his chest so that you could hear his calm steady heartbeats. the both of you sat at the windows watching the lightning and thunder with you burying your face into the crook of his neck often and him giving you long pats on your back to calm you down. you definitely did get less afraid of thunderstorms, though not much, but it's something.

"if the thunderstorm is ever mean to you, let me know. i'll personally throw hands at zeus."

⭒❃.✮:▹ yeosang

yeosang had fallen asleep on the couch when it started raining heavily along with non-stop thunder and lightning. you were extremely afraid but you had to close the windows yourself, you didn't want to wake yeosang up from his nap.

you were just about to close the one in the living room where yeosang was when the deafening sound of a thunder took you by surprise, causing you to shriek out loud in fear. being a light sleeper, yeosang jolted awake, surprised and worried. it absolutely broke his heart to see you crouched on the floor with your hands covering your ears, your shoulders shaking as you sobbed.

you felt so weak crying over a thunderstorm but yeosang made sure to let you know that there was nothing wrong with it. he gently guided you onto the couch where he would let you continue crying on his shoulder, his fingers intertwining with yours to let you know that he's there for you as he tries to help you control your breathing. "you're okay, you're okay. follow my breathing, love."

⭒❃.✮:▹ san

if you weren't afraid of thunderstorms, you probably wouldn't be sitting on yunho's gaming seat right now with san yelling at you over the headset to support him in the game. you weren't one to play games but as san says, "you won't be scared if you distract yourself"

it usually works, though the games do leave you feeling kind of nauseous from all the motion and lights, but today, the thunderstorm was simply on another level. the lightning had lit up the whole room with a bright white flash for a good three seconds before leaving you in a room that seemed much brighter a few moments ago.

san is not stupid, he knows playing games would not distract you this time round so he would quit the game and drag you onto the bed , letting you bury your face in his chest as he hums the tune of your favourite song.

when you told him that you were ashamed to be afraid of something many people aren't, he would shush you and say, "it's normal, everyone has their irrational fears. besides, that lightning really scared the life out of me too."

⭒❃.✮:▹ mingi

he knew about your fear of thunderstorms, and he always makes an effort to check the weather forecast on your behalf since he had googled it before and they said people who fear thunderstorms should try to refrain from doing so in case it makes them even more anxious. anyways, so he does it for you and prepares everything that you might need when it happens.

the both of you were in the car when the thunderstorm started, and being well prepared, he quickly handed you the small thin blanket and the bottle of water he kept at the backseats. there was no better place than under the sheets at home but this was better than nothing at all.

once the both of you got home, he would make sure to run a warm bath for you and might even accompany you in it. the fear had caused all your muscles to tense up and he made it a point to relieve all of them. in the meanwhile, he would comfort you by saying things like "im so proud of you." and "the next time a thunderstorm happens, remember how you are totally fine today, okay? think, thunderstorms are relatively harmless, you'll be fine this time too."

⭒❃.✮:▹ wooyoung

it was in the middle of the night when the thunderstorm started, the loud booming of the thunder startling you awake. you tried to go back to sleep, hoping that this moment would just pass and that you would wake up to a nice weather. but even with wooyoung by your side, you couldn't seem to be at ease enough to sleep.

"wooyoung, please wake up." that was your tenth attempt, unsurprisingly considering the fact that he sleeps like a dead log. thankfully he does, and very much apologetically when he notices the shitshow that was going on outside. even he was surprised he slept through the noise.

he would immediately drag himself out of bed to turn on the lights so that the lightning wouldn't seem as bad, also going out to the kitchen to pour you a glass of warm water. it always helped.

when the both of you were back in bed, wooyoung would rest against the headboard as you laid your head on his abdomen, him patting your shoulder affectionately until you fell asleep again.

"there's another thunderstorm going on inside your stomach," you joked with a faint smile as you snuggled closer into him.

"hey! if you're going to say that, go away."

⭒❃.✮:▹ jongho

the both of you were stranded outdoors as the thunderstorm has started unexpectedly while the two of you were taking a stroll in the park. the weather forecast did not foresee this. it was dangerous and very annoying to get soaked in rain, but everything was made worse because you were afraid of thunderstorms. you had no idea why, it was just the case.

"there's a shelter nearby, shall we make a dash for it?" jongho asked as the both of you sought temporary shelter from a tall tree.

"the lightning is a little crazy now though....." it was, but being under a huge tree on such a day wasn't the smartest idea at all, and it would be much better if you could go to a real shelter.

"you know i'm quite a lucky guy, right?" jongho would give you a piggyback as he ran, allowing you to close your eyes so that you wouldn't see the flashes of lightning. he would also tell you to put on earphones and play some soothing music. "it'll be over quick, just hang on in there for a little while."

#kwritersworldnet #kdiarynet #8makes1teamnet #ateez reaction #ateez scenarios #ateez writings #ateez imagines #ateez #ateez blurbs #ateez drabbles #ateez fluff #ateez ot8 #requested

[g0ldengubler]

Can I request for one of the chapter's they have another night at Garcia's and Spencer (who's real baked) declares his love for Y/N & she tells him she feels the same? Loving this series babe!

hi hun! thank u so much for the request and the feedback. it really does mean a lot :’) i’m so sorry to disappoint but i did already have something down for how they were gonna admit their feelings for one another (which is also the chapter im currently working on hehe) but i still wrote ur request (which i’m in love with btw)! just as a one shot, though. depending on how others respond to this, i just might change it (giving credit where it’s due obviously)! again, thank you so much and i apologize. i hope u still enjoy :) also sorry for how weird the paragraphs are, i used wattpad for the word count lol

Request: YES/no

Category: fluff in an alternate chapter of nauseous

Couple: spencer/reader

CW: use of marijuana, but other than that it’s just fluff :)

Summary: it had been a couple of weeks since you and spencer were up at your cabin. since you guys got back, you hadn’t heard or seen much of him. when you go to garcia’s one night for a little get together, what will happen when spencer had a bit too much to smoke?

Word Count: 1609

✨masterlist✨

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N! You're finally here!"

Garcia had invited everyone back to her apartment for another get together. It had been a couple of weeks since you took Spencer up to your cabin and after all the platonic kisses and the heavenly sex, you both hadn't reached out to each other once you got back home. That weekend left you questioning your relationship with him. Falling in love wasn't something you were used to. You never had that moment where you could just stand there, and look up at someone and think that this someone was your whole world. The one you never could get out of your head; the one where you wished for their arms around you with your head on their chest. Hearing their heart beat, the kind of beat that made you feel safe. You'd never felt these feelings before, until you met Spencer.

You walked in, giving hugs to everyone. You were shocked that Rossi and Hotch were there, and when you went to give them hugs, you apologized in advance for your behavior under the influence.

"As long as you don't show this kind of behavior at work, you don't have to worry about it." said Hotch.

"Yeah, don't worry about it kiddo," said Rossi, "you don't have to feel embarrassed around us. We're a family!"

You then saw Spencer on the couch, smoking on a blunt. You could tell he was close to being gone, as he and Morgan couldn't keep a poker face while playing. He looks up at you and smiles, but then that smile shrunk into that awkward white guy smile, looking back down at his cards.

"Hey." You said as you sat down next to him. Morgan reached over to Spencer, taking the blunt in his hand and putting up to his mouth.

"Hey." He whispers.

"How much has he had already?" you asked Morgan, looking over to him and using your thumb to point at Spencer as he passes the blunt to Garcia.

"He smoked two bowls before this blunt so...he's gonna be done for pretty soon."

"Damn," you laughed, "started the party without me, huh?"

Spencer just laughs at himself, still looking at his cards. Garcia passed the blunt to you. You took a few hits, letting the smoke fill your lungs. When you exhaled your final puff, you pass it to Emily, letting the wave of tingles fill your body, your eyes beginning to feel heavy.

You notice Emily pass the blunt over to Hotch and your jaw dropped when he took it from her fingers. After he takes a hit, he hands it over to Rossi, which made even everyone else in the room look at him them in shock.

"What?" asked Rossi, "Gideon and I smoked a lot in our day."

"And I had my fair share in college like anyone else."

We gathered ourselves before Jj finally said something. "It's just kind of hard to believe, seeing our boss and founder getting high."

"Well believe it!" Rossi joked before handing the blunt to her. Everyone giggled and chuckled before starting a new game of poker.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been about an hour and at this point everyone was slumped. You and Spencer ended up in Garcia's room with her, Emily, Jj, and Morgan, just sitting around and talking about your high epiphanies as you passed a joint around, while Hotch and Rossi stayed in the living room playing another round of poker. Everyone was pretty much gone. Hooded red eyes and coughing every so often. Garcia's giggled were contagious and it made everyone else laugh along with her.

Spencer let you lay your head down on his chest, which made that safe feeling even stronger than it did when you were at the cabin. You watched as he took the joint to his lips and inhaled. When he exhaled, he let the smoke hover in his mouth before blowing it all out. For some reason, you thought it was sexy when he smoked.

He passed the joint to you and you took more than one hit off of it. You wanted to forget this feeling you had for him because you felt like he didn't wouldn't want that. If he did, he would've tried harder. And quite frankly, it looked like he enjoyed your friends with benefits relationship more than something bigger.

As you inhaled, Spencer adjusted his position a bit, looking up to the stars that were still on her ceiling.

"Fuck, man," he says to Morgan, "I'm so in love with Y/N."

You almost choked on the smoke that was still in your throat. You thought your mind was playing tricks on you. This was a little random to be admitting feelings.

"What was that, pretty boy?" asked Morgan with a grin on his face.

Spencer didn't know why they were so shocked. But then realized what he had said just seconds ago. "Oh shit, did I say that out loud?"

"Yes you did, genius," said Garcia, "and I knEW IT!"

"Knew what?" I asked once my coughing attack calmed down.

"I knew that something more happened that night. I'm a pretty good cupid, aren't I?"

"Well I...I-I don't..." Spencer began stuttering. You couldn't hold in your giggles anymore and just burst out laughing.

"You can't take it back, boy genius." said Morgan.

"Hotch, Rossi! You both owe us five bucks each!" yelled Emily.

"Wha-you had a bet on us?"

"You bet your ass we did." said Jj.

You wanted to be mad at them, but how could you? You felt the same way about Spencer as he did for you. Maybe it was the amount of weed in your system, but you couldn't think of a reason to pretend to be mad at them. Then something came to mind.

"Hey, just because he said it, doesn't mean he speaks for me, too."

Spencer looked down at you with sad puppy eyes. "Does that mean you love me, too?"

You were quiet for a moment before taking the last hit of the joint, correctly inhaling and exhaling. You blowed the smoke into his face before putting the roach in the ashtray.

"Spence, I'm so in love with you. Just as much as your in love with me."

A smile grew on his face as he sat up, putting his arm around you. He cupped her face with his other hand and pulled your lips onto his. His actions showed that he didn't care about if the others saw. He couldn't care less of what Hotch or any of them would say. He probably forgot they were even there. In that moment as your fingers were tangled into his hair, you, too, felt like you two were the only ones in the room, like the whole world had stopped.

His lips were soft against yours, like comfortable pillows or fluffy clouds. Yours were always in rhythm with his. It was hard to break away until his tongue rubbed against your bottom lip, begging for entrance as you felt his hand leave your face and slowly move lower. You had to break away.

"Not the right time, Spence!" I giggled, trying to play off what just happened. I looked around the room. The rest of the gang never left, even Hotch and Rossi were standing in the door frame. They giggled at Spencer's actions as you both tried to fix yourselves.

"Well, I'm very happy for the both of you," said Hotch with a smile, "but we'll talk about this once this vacation is over. I won't be your boss right now."

"How could you? It's nice seeing two young lovebirds connecting like this." said Rossi.

"As long as I have you guys, and Spencer of course, work will never be a problem." I said, ruffling up his hair one more time.

You all ended up passing out at Garcia's (aside from Hotch and Rossi, as they had loved ones to go home to). You snuggled into Spencer's body on the couch, wrapping the blanket around you both. You both were too excited and happy to sleep. The feeling of someone feeling as much love for you as you did them was too much, but in a good way. The two of you started to make out again. You were going to let his tongue attack yours finally, before he spoke after each peck.

"I. Can't. Believe. You're. All. Mine." He whispered.

You smiled after the last peck before you both went back in, tongues going at it like swords. After a hot minute, you each broke away. Your head moved back to his chest, with his hand on top of yours as his other hand played with your hair.

"You want to hear something weird?" I asked.

"Sure," he said, "but nothing that comes out of your mouth is weird to me."

You smiled, playing with his fingers. "I always pictured a moment like this, even before you. Just...my head on someone's chest, hearing their heartbeat. It makes me feel safe. And with you specifically, I feel even safer than I thought I would."

Spencer kissed the top of your head in response. "God, even your mind is beautiful. How is that possible?"

"Says you, Mr.Smarty Pants. With the amount of classics you have stored in there, I'm sure it'd be like walking around a beautiful museum."

"I'm so happy I'm yours, angel."

I snuggled into him more, feeling my eyes getting heavier. "I'm happy I'm yours, too Spence."

"Goodnight, Y/N. I love you."

"I love you, too." I mumbled as we drifted off to sleep.

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #dr reid #matthew gray gubler #fan fiction

[barleyshine]

happiness is a butterfly // d. malfoy

Reader x Draco Malfoy

i chose violence today and i don’t regret it lol i tried my best to make it as gender neutral as possible and i tried to shy away from scenes that are too mature. read at your own risk :) also im so sorry the quality is bad ngl

summary: you were a mistake. he was a mistake. what you both have - that’s a mistake. what’s the worst that can happen anymore?

word count: 1,2k pls i didnt mean for this to be so long

warnings: a lot of angst lol, a little sexual tension

You didn’t know how this happened.

Your bare back was against the wall, his hands on your hips holding you up. His lips were slotted perfectly against yours, pushing against each other. You sigh into his lips as he started peppering kisses down your neck.

"This is a one time thing, right," You breathed out. You can hear him hum affirmatively, before continuing his attack on your body. You push him away, slowly. "I'm serious."

Draco groaned.

"Yes, it is. Now where was I?" His voice was dark and husky. It had a soft timbre that you absolutely loved, ringing into the small space.

You thought you had heard the last of that voice when you ran into him in the corridors.

Blaise was talking to you about the Herbology assignment when you caught sight of a very familliar tuft of blonde hair and a pair of grey eyes. The pair of grey eyes that watched you with hooded eyes, accompanied by the husky voice he used to praise you.

You immediately turned back, but not before you made eye contact with him. Blaise, noticing your departure, quickly kept pace with you as you walk faster and faster, into your common room, before arriving at the door of your room and shutting it.

The only thing on your mind is him and his soft blond locks you pulled on countless of times already, and his smooth back you left dents in with your nails.

The next time you see him was at a Gryffindor party.

Some sketchy students managed to sneak in some magic mushrooms and three bottles of firewhiskey, all of that to celebrate... someone's birthday, was it? You forgot. You came right after finishing your Arithmancy homework, you were stressed, high strung, and ready to make mistakes you would regret in the morning.

And by Merlin's name, you made so many mistakes.

The moment you snuck into the common room, you locked eyes with him. You internally cursed yourself. You brought it upon yourself. You decided on the spot that you were gonna steal a half empty bottle of firewhisky and get back to your room and drown in illegal alcohol.

You start moving towards the center, eyes on the bottle a drunk seventh year was holding, before you saw the moment-

-and the bottle was swiftly swiped by a particular man with blonde hair and grey eyes.

You curse him out in your internal monologue.

He sends you a small smirk, before beckoning you over to outside the common room. Naturally attracted to the booze, you wait for the perfect moment to slip out as well, unnoticed.

"You're avoiding me." Draco shook the bottle of alcohol gently, before his eyes landed on you.

"Well, that's what you'd usually do with one night stands-"

"I didn't see you avoiding that ugly Ravenclaw you hooked up with two weeks ago." He cut your words, inching closer to you. He grabbed your arm, before dragging you into a broom closet.

"Funny story, actually, they started dating the Hufflepuff that was flirting with them." You tried to reason, shaking your hand that was grabbed by Draco. He released it.

He lifted your chin.

"Then would you say no if I told you I wanted you again?"

First bad decision of the night: hearing him out.

Second bad decision of the night: telling him no, you won't say no.

Third bad decision of the night- do you really need to ask?

You gasp, chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath. Beside you, Draco wasn't better than you. You both stayed beside each other, limbs tangling around each other.

"How do we do this?"

There were three rules to help keep the relationship steady. No 'contact' with other people, keep it on the down low, and if someone finds a person they want to be with, the relationship is called off. Naturally.

It was normal for the first three months. Until, of course, Malfoy brought it up again.

"You're avoiding me again," He stated, voice raspy and his hands in your hair.

You paused momentarily, before continuing, trailing kisses down his neck. You hum quietly.

You felt nauseous.

"Why... why are you avoiding me?" He shied away from your touch. "We're not doing this until you answer me."

You rolled your eyes, trying to keep the panic from worming its way into your eyes. "I came here to feel good tonight, Draco. If you're going to interrogate me, I might as well go."

He sighed, ruffling his hair. "I can't do this if I don't think you want this as much as I do."

You start to button up your shirt. You felt irritated and frustrated. "You say that as if you don't see me already standing here half naked and waiting for you to strip. I'm leaving."

Curse it.

Curse Draco Malfoy.

Curse your stupid heart.

You see him less often each and every day. It was almost like he was avoiding you as much as you were avoiding him. Maybe he caught on and backed off. You don't know. Maybe he realized that you fancied him and backed off without saying anything. Maybe he-

found someone new.

He was talking to Astoria Greengrass.

You watched from the window of the library, as he scratched the back of his head while saying something. He swayed casually around her, making her laugh. She sent him a pearly smile, making him smile in turn.

You felt like you were about to vomit flowers.

"What do you mean you want to call it off?" He had his arms crossed, fingers tapping wildly. You looked away, leaning against the wall. "Am I not good enough for you?"

"You asked me why I was avoiding you. I didn't think you'd understand then, but you probably would now. I... I'm in love with-"

You. I'm in love with you.

"-Blaise."

"Oh." His upset demeanor faded instantly, a shocked expression settling on his face. "...Congratulations?"

"I haven't told him. Maybe I would. I don't know." You looked into his eyes again, trying to find emotion.

Empty.

"...Good luck then. I'll see you around?" He grabbed your hands, rubbing his thumb against your knuckles. You hum, before letting it go.

You walked away.

You chose to walk away.

But it felt like your heart shattered all over again when you saw him holding Astoria's hands at the Great Hall.

It felt like your heart slowly stopped beating when you saw him kissing her under the stars.

It felt like your heart was pierced by a knife when you made eye contact with him while he was dancing with her.

You chose to walk away.

You didn't tell Blaise about the whole ordeal, but you did tell him that you told Draco you liked him. He understood that it was a lie, but denied you anyway. That was supposed to hurt. But it didn't.

What's the worst that could happen, to a person who was already hurt?

You’re officially convinced that firewhisky is the stupidest answer to that question. The next thing you know, your lips were on his and he was kissing back. Oh Merlin, he was kissing back.

You didn’t know how this happened. 

You were once again, on top of him, and you could only see sadness. A little bit of regret.

Anger.

Hurt.

He pushed you off and left you alone, and there you cried.

#draco x y/n #draco malfoy #harry potter imagine #draco x reader #draco x you

[cherrybracelets]

come down [s. reid x reader]

words: 2.6k | warnings: 18+ content, smut including oral (m receiving) and unprotected sex. please do not interact with this fic if you are under 18.

requests | masterlist

going undercover at the club is less than ideal, especially when it involves dancing and grinding with spencer reid

an- this was a request and i absolutely WENT with it so i hope u enjoy this nonnie also this is my first spencer fic and im super nervous so if u like it pls lmk and if you have requests pls send them and check out my masterlist for a playlist with all my fic titles songs lol thx 

You hated it from the moment you walked in the crowded, poorly lit basement they called a nightclub. It was hot, a humid kind of heat that filled your lungs and left a stickiness on your exposed flesh. The lights were strobing, the music pumping loudly as the bass shook the floor. You felt nauseous, exhausted, and most of all, frustrated that Hotch stuck you here with Reid.

“I don’t really understand why Hotch would send me to this kind of... place... instead of Morgan,” Reid shouted to you over the loud music, looking around anxiously.

“Morgan looks like a cop. We need this guy to approach us, he’s looks for...” you trailed off, trying to find the right words to tell Spencer he wasn’t quite nearly as intimidating as Morgan.

“No, I get it, the unsub likes to be more powerful than the men. He picks scrawnier, weaker ones, like me.” Spencer smiled and spun around for you, trying to show off his thinner physique. You giggled at him and took a long sip of soda water, hoping to god this night would end soon.

“We can’t sit here all night, he won’t notice us over here,” you shrugged, letting Spencer know the unfortunate news that at some point, and probably soon, you’d have to go out and dance.

“I know, we have to seem fun, adventurous, I got it. I just... I’m not the dancing at the club type of guy,” he smiled awkwardly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

“It’s easy, trust me. It’s just about feeling your body move with the music. Will you let me show you?” You asked, holding out a hand to him. He grabbed onto it nervously, following behind as you dragged him onto the dance floor.

He was still at first, awkwardly trying to avoid the other clubbers as they danced around him. He watched the closeness of them, the way they moved their bodies in sync with another.

“See, it’s not too hard, right?” You asked, pointing to the crown. “We can do that. Just blend in.”

Spencer modded, but didn’t say a word, just continued to watch, moving closer to you and moving his hips slightly with the music. You watched his body start to move, and he pulled you closer to him, your skin touching, your faces only inches apart. His body moved into yours, turning you around and pressing your butt into him. He grabbed onto your hips and pushed you into him, revealing a surprisingly large cock pressing against you.

He trailed his lips down your neck, pecking you so slightly it left you with goosebumps once his lips departed. Your hands were behind your head, tussled in his soft hair, playing with the curls and tugging slightly when he danced into you. He smelled like honey and mint, and the smell of freshly cleaned laundry still clung to his clothes. He turned you back around to face him, your faces now pressed to each other, hands trailing up and down.

“Kiss me,” he whispered, his right hand now grasped firmly on your jaw, pointing your head up towards him. “It’ll make it seem more real. Kiss me.”

You nodded in obedience, unable to resist this Spencer. You had never seen him like this before, not once in the full year you had been working for the BAU. He was confident, sexy... he was right in front of you this whole time and you had no idea.

You softly put your lips onto his, still unsure of kissing him. He didn’t give you time to adjust, and picked up the pace of the kiss, moving his lips aggressively. His hands were on your ass, squeezing tight with dominance, showing everyone on the dance floor that you were his. He bit down playfully on your lips, kissed up and down your neck and your jaw, your arms wrapped lazily around his neck, pulling him closer.

You forget where you were for a while, losing yourself in this moment with Spencer. It wasn’t until you happened to glance at your watch and realize the time.

“Shit, Spence!” You pushed away from him, panic overcoming you. “We’re almost five minutes past 11. If he was here, he’s gone now!” You groaned, storming off the floor and back over to the tables.

“Hey, woah, don’t worry!” Spencer said, rushing over to you and placing a hand on your back to comfort you. “I’ve been watching this place all night, there were no other couples here tonight that matched his MO except us. He wasn’t here tonight.”

“You promise? I can’t mess this up Spence.”

“I promise. Let’s call Hotch, okay?” He put a hand on your face and you remembered back to the dance floor, the dancing and kissing, and you jumped back a bit.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, turning his head sideways as if he didn’t think twice about what you two were just doing five minutes ago.

“Uh... nothing... sorry,” you stuttered, shaking your head and motioning for him to call Hotch. Reid walked to the hallway so he could make the call, and you stood exhausted at the table, your heart racing from all of the emotion pounding through you. You tried to shake the memory of him, how good it felt to be with him in that moment. How good of a kisser he was, how nice it felt to have his arms around you, his body pressed against yours.

You had always had a little crush on Reid, you were always attracted to him, but never imagined anything like this. You never imagined wanting him to take you back home and absolutely wrecking you. And that’s all you could think about. How good his lips would feel on every part of your body, the large cock he was hiding and how much you wanted to touch it.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you saw Spencer walking back from his call with Hotch, waving to you. He came up to the table with a skip in his step, clearly not affected at all by you two grinding and making out for twenty minutes.

“You ready to get out of here? Hotch is sending the car, he said we could go back to the hotel.” He said, motioning for you to follow him outside. You just nodded quietly, and followed behind, leaving as much distance as you could while still seeing him.

The car was waiting when you walked out, and Spencer was already at the door. He opened in widely and smiled at you.

“After you, beautiful,” he motioned, holding his arm out for you. You just giggled again, the same awkward and charming Spencer back again. You loved him just like this. But you were a major fan of the other, sexier side of him as well.

The ride to the hotel was only a few minutes, and it consisted of mostly silence between the two of you, and a random song playing on the radio. Spencer was checking his emails, which you were pretty sure was just an excuse so he didn’t have to talk to you, because it would be a really weird time to actually be checking your emails.

The car pulled up to the entrance of the hotel and you thanked the driver, opening the door on your side and stepping out. Spencer followed quietly, still not saying a word. You walked into the lobby and started heading towards the elevators, but felt him start to lag behind.

“I’ll, uh, be up in a minute. I just need to make a call,” he said, waving his phone to you.

“Okay, is everything okay?”

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, Reid,” you smiled, not wanting to walk away for a moment.

“See you,” he waved, looking away after a few seconds. You walked to the elevator, impatiently pressing the button, wanting to go to bed and forget this night as soon as possible. You knew Spencer would never mention it again, but you wouldn’t be able to look at him without thinking about... all of him.

The elevator ride felt long and infinite, you were only on floor six but you could swear it felt like you passed a hundred floors before it stopped and let you off. You walked to your door, fumbling through your bag trying to find your room key. You walked into your room aggressively and closed the door behind you. You took a deep breath once you were alone, trying to center your thoughts.

You took a few steps forward, deciding if you should shower the night away or go straight to bed. You still felt the air of the club clung to you, and knew you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep until you washed it all off. You threw your shoes off in the corner, shuffling around in your suitcase for something to wear to sleep. You heard a knock on the door and rolled your eyes. A knock at this time only meant something was discovered on the case and you hate to sacrifice another night of sleep. And tonight, you really needed a night off.

You walked to the door, frustration seeping out of you with every step. You undid the lock and opened the door, expecting to see Hotch. But it wasn’t Hotch, it was Reid, a look of contemplation pasted across his face.

“Hey,” he mumbled, leaning on the doorway.

“Hi,” you responded sharply, trying to avoid staring at his lips.

“I called Morgan,” he said.

“Uh, okay... about what?” You replied, confusion lingering in your voice.

“You.”

“What about me?” You said, straightening yourself up.

“Apparently I didn’t handle tonight too well.” He looked apologetic, playing with his hands as he spoke to you.

“What do you mean?”

“Well... I probably should’ve done this...” He stared at you for a few seconds, his eyes peering beyond you, into you. He wrapped his hands around your lower back, pulling you into a kiss. You were surprised at first, your arms in the air trying to find their place. But you cupped his face, pulling his kiss into you, leaving no space between your two bodies.

You pulled him into the room, the door slamming loudly behind you. You felt his hands start fumbling with the zipper of your dress, trying to give himself access to your body. You tugged at the hem of his tshirt, your fingers moving up his stomach, lightly grazing each muscle they passed. He squirmed under you, your light touch tickling him. You felt him smiling through your kisses, trying to avoid laughing as you toyed with his flesh.

“Do you want this?” He asked with a serious tone, breaking your kisses to get your consent.

“Yes, I do. Do you?” You asked, pushing his curls behind his ear to see his face.

“I really do. I’ve wanted this for a while.” He smiled to you, pulling you closer to him and just holding you, enjoying each other for a moment. There weren’t many times in this life with your job where you could stop and be perfectly content with everything that was happening. But here, this moment with him, you truly felt content, safe.

His lips starting trailing up your neck, breaking the only PG moment of the night. You started toying with his belt buckle, and moved your hands down to his groin. He was already hard, and you dragged your fingers up the length of him. He shuddered into your, anticipation flowing through him. You pushed him back towards the bed, wasting no more time as you ripped his shirt over his head.

“Take your dress off,” he commanded, and you nodded obediently, pulling at the zipper and revealing your body. He took you in for a moment, his eyes trailing over you, paying special attention to each curve.

He starting taking his pants off, touching himself through his boxers as he got comfortable on the bed. You got on top of him, grinding your hips into his hard cock and nibbling at his jaw. He messed with the clasp on your bra before undoing it, allowing your breasts to spill out into his chests. His hands travelled up your torso to cup them, squeezing slightly and playing with your nipples.

“I want you in my mouth,” you whispered into his ear, grinding your center onto the base of his dick. He nodded his head, pushing the base of your head down to him. You took his length out of his boxers and ran your fingers up the length. He was large and thick, a perfect pink tip. You brought your lips up to the tip and kissed it slightly, warming him up to your mouth.

You wrapped your tongue around the head, flicking sit quickly in your mouth. He bucked under you, tangling his fingers in your hair and pulling at you with each movement of your tongue. You started to take more of him in your mouth, going deeper until his tip was hitting the back of your throat. He moaned and pushed your head down deeper, wanting to fit his whole length inside of you.

“I want you to ride me, (Y/N).” He said, making you sit up and stop playing with him for a minute. He sat up against the headboard and motioned for you to come to his lap. You crawled over to him on your knees, and he cupped your chin and pulled you to kiss him, your mouth still raw from his cock.

You moved yourself onto his lap and hovered your center over him, grabbing it into your hand and sliding his length into you. You were right, and putting him all in you at once made you wince. You dug your nails into his shoulder and he held you tightly as you adjusted to him. Once you were comfortable, you started rocking your hips back and forth, slowly digging into him.

Reid rolled his head back in pleasure, the feeling of being inside of you, knowing he had fully taken you over. He had his hands dug tight into your hips, pulling you deeper and faster every second. He was biting on your neck, shoulder, chest, moving his mouth across you as you bounced into him. You felt yourself getting closer to climax, your body preparing for release.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” he whispered to you, pushing your hair back from your face as you moved into him. “Do you like it when I fuck you?”

“I do. You’re gonna make me cum,” you moaned, moving more sloppily as you were losing yourself

to pleasure. As soon as you started to hit your peak, you felt his body shuddering as well, knowing he was close. You both finished within seconds of each other, collapsing back on the wedding in exhaustion.

“So... is this gonna be a thing now, or?” Reid asked, furrowing his brow at you.

“Why is that the first thing you would ask?” You joked, pushing him slightly. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close, kissing you.

“I could use someone like you... to help me wind down during these cases. It can be a bit... much.”

“Yeah, sometimes you need to literally bang your frustrations out. I’m totally down to bang it out with you,” you laughed, playfully fighting with Reid in between kisses.

“Well now that you worded it like that I definitely want nothing to do with you,” he laughed, pulling you into him and holding you tightly until you both fell asleep.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic

[janekfan]

Chronic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802141

Thank you @taylortut for helping me!!!

Jon looked at the clock.

537.

The glowing numbers burned themselves into his retinas. How had it been less than an hour since last he’d checked? No use for it. Better to get himself up and ready for work. But he’d closed his eyes against the headache blaring like a klaxon and he’d have to open them again at some point.

Taking advantage of his lonely flat, Jon allowed himself to indulge the noise pushing its way through grit teeth as he maneuvered his sore legs from under the quilt. He sat a moment, pressing the bare soles of his feet on the cold floor and levering his heavy body upright with a shaking arm.

Exhausted.

And it’s only--a quick glance.

544.

The hell was wrong with him?

Since just before accepting the position as Head Archivist, and rightly pissing off both Sasha and Tim on her behalf, Jon felt like he’d been constantly coming down with something. Dizzy and nauseous and unable to eat, he was chronically exhausted and while he’d never slept well at the best of times, it was evading him more than ever.

And there were his mornings. Struggling to motivate himself out of bed, brushing his teeth with his eyes closed and leaning against the wall. Deciding he could forgo a shower just once more and choosing instead to make breakfast. Forcing himself to eat a piece of dry toast with his heart hammering away in his throat and half laying on the table, panting through his tea. Mentally, Jon prepared himself for the walk to the train, automatically going for his cane because lord knew he needed the support.

He’d get to the Institute hours early.

At least that made him look good?

Taking advantage of being a cane user, Jon opted for a reserved seat, the guilt at truly needing one eating away at his insides. But there were black spots at the corners of his vision and he had to sit down before he fell down and the guilt is a far sight better than causing a scene. The trip was too short. His chest ached from the constant pounding and he pressed the hand not holding his cane for dear life against his breastbone. It didn’t help but the pressure and touch grounded him enough to stand up. To head to the cross street. To wait for the lights to change. To stagger down the stairs and into his office, to drop into his desk chair and focus on every breath of air moving into his body and back out of it.

Jon put his head down. There was no one here. Wouldn’t be for a couple hours yet and he was exhausted, shaking from it. Nauseated. There wasn’t a fever. He’d gone as far as to purchase a thermometer to be certain when the strange symptoms refused to abate no matter how often he let himself rest, no matter the meals he tried his damndest to eat, the water he drank down. He was trying. Jon couldn’t remember ever taking such good care of himself and of course it refused to pay off. In Uni, he’d driven himself into the ground with little consequence. He’d maintained those habits until a few months ago and now--

Muffled voices drifted through his door, the rise and fall of easy conversation. The kind he’d once been allowed to partake in. Laughter filled the air and while Jon wished to join them he knew he wasn’t welcome.

Why had he done it?

Why hadn’t he refused Elias?

Because you’re selfish. You’ve always been selfish. Needy. Greedy, grasping, always striving to know answers and never satisfied with what you're given. You take what you don’t deserve.

Reluctantly, Jon stood, slowly, because doing anything quickly these days has him ducking his head between his legs or waking up on the floor without any recollection of how he came to be there. He could at least collect their research in person, greet them. Try to be the boss they deserved.

Sasha was the boss they deserved.

“Ah, g’good morning.”

“Jon!” Martin, smiling shyly. “You’re here so early!” He began to stammer and Jon’s legs began to ache. This wasn’t a good day. They seldom were anymore. “I m’mean, of course y’you are, you work very hard!” Martin was saved by Tim swinging an arm around his shoulders.

“You’ve broken ‘im, boss.” A flush rose in Jon’s cheeks. He could feel it. “No worries, Marto. He’s always been an early riser.” While it was said in jest, the tone settled heavy in Jon’s chest, directly beside the pain blossoming like a thorny rose. Luckily, he was rescued by Rosie, standing halfway down the stairs and informing him that Elias requested him in his office. Jon didn’t relish the climb, no matter how grateful he was to escape out from underneath Sash’s heavy gaze. She had every right and he would bear his punishment in silence until she chose, if she ever did, to forgive him.

An indeterminate amount of time later, Jon limped out of Elias’ office without any recollection of what they’d spoken about or if he’d even spoken at all. Thumping pain and panic and he knew he was rude to ignore Rosie at her desk but he wasn’t in any shape to hold a conversation, fairly certain that he wasn’t able to currently speak, far too focused on trying to hide how ill he was. But every sound was magnified tenfold in his ears and he could barely remember where the door to the archives was with the way his head reeled and spun. Jon wanted to sink to the ground once he had the door between himself and the lobby but he’d never make it to his feet again after that. Push through, he told himself. Get to your desk. He allowed himself a moment, two, just to put his head to rights, to try and breathe through the battering of his pulse.

And oh god he wasn’t going to make it and he wondered if somehow Elias knew. It was as though he’d kept him standing there talking about nothing until Jon hit his limit, knowing he wouldn’t have the strength to get back to his office.

But he had to try and he’d almost gotten down the ridiculously narrow stairwell before he forgot nearly entirely why he was there in the first place. Was he going up? Down? Meeting with someone? Just arriving? He could barely breathe and the panic welling in his throat was choking and the black was crawling over his eyes and the dizziness only increased and he needed...needed…

For a moment, Jon didn’t recognize where he was, the migraine, the fuzziness, conspiring against memory and reason. But he knew this color, the hideous lick of paint some contractor had splashed over the walls a lifetime ago.

Breakroom?

Wha--

“Jon!” He winced, his own name like broken glass shredding every sense to ribbons. “Christ, are you alright?” Martin, the sounds he made were shrill, grating, and if he’d been able to tell him to be silent, he would have. “We heard the noise--you’d, you fainted! On the stairs! Luckily it was only the last few.” Jon blinked, dull and dumb, forcing himself up, up, up, and through heavy mist and fog in his search for words. Weary to the marrow of his aching bones, Jon slumped on the cushions and tried to think of a way to stop Martin’s incessant chattering. Tim and Sasha, alerted most likely by all the commotion, stood over him and he craned his neck up to look at them. Tim especially looked furious.

“You could have been seriously hurt!”

“S’sorry…” And he was, between his rabbiting heartbeat, throbbing migraine, and difficulty drawing breath into his exhausted lungs, he wanted to cry with how sorry he was.

“This is ridiculous. You need to take better care of yourself.” Jon wasn’t sure why the sting from Tim’s accusation cut so deep and he hung his head, biting trembling lips to prevent the tears threatening to spring free.

It wasn’t fair.

By all accounts he was taking care of himself. More than ever!

“Did you even eat today? Drink anything?” He nodded, miserable, unwell, and equipped with no better answers than the truth.

“Tim. He’s just come to.” The understanding was the final straw, and Jon’s sight blurred with salt damp. “I’ll make sure he eats something before going back to work.”

“Alright, Martin. If he gives you any trouble, call.” At Jon, he pointed. “And you, no trouble.” And he nodded miserably.

“Okay, they’ve gone.” The familiar sounds of the kettle heating filled the room, the clink of a pair of ceramic mugs, the rustling of the tea bags, Martin’s distracted murmuring, all combined to calm him. “How long have you been feeling this way?” Jon looked up, surprised, and shrugged one shoulder, accepting the small plate of biscuits and nibbling slowly and when he finished those, Martin offered up the tea. Sitting with him in companionable quiet, he sipped on his own cup. Nothing more was exchanged and when Jon finished he thanked Martin for the company and locked himself away.

Jon was at wit’s end. Nothing he tried seemed to improve anything and the few times he did speak with a doctor, he was sent away with the same, useless advice, or worse, told he was imagining things, making it up, having panic attacks even though he was familiar with those and this was not that.

Work was a nightmare made even more miserable with the overwhelming amount of paperwork, statements, boxes, misfiled folders and envelopes and items and Jon missed the easy camaraderie and understanding he’d had with Sasha and Tim. Maybe he should resign, try and salvage what little of the relationship they still had, or, or invite them out for dinner, his treat, but Elias would never let him quit and the very idea of entertaining exhausted him. A cuppa appeared at his elbow filled with something new, something floral and slightly sweet, accompanied, as always, by a few biscuits.

“That’s a lot of work, Jon.” He sipped, grateful, lifting an eyebrow in response.

“I knew it would be when I accepted this position.” Undeterred, Martin stumbled forward.

“Y’yeah, I mean, you would have. Of course. I just--” A breath. “I’ve finished with my other assignments, ready for round, uh. Well, another round!”

“Ah. Alright, I’ll bring something over when I pick up your translations.” Martin took back the cup, nodding enthusiastically, and Jon appreciated that it was business as usual, selecting a few he’d been putting off and making his way toward his assistants ignoring inquiring looks in favor of taking the chair Martin offered up to go over his expectations. Short, succinct. A few notes on one translation, advice to remember for next time, and Jon felt reasonably confident Martin could handle himself. It wasn’t until he’d gotten back to his office that Jon realized that was the first time he’d been offered a chair. It was becoming apparent that Martin was good at noticing the little things about them. A blush heated his cheeks and he tried to rub it away, feeling ridiculous that such a small act of kindness made him feel so seen.

Jon pushed forward, ignoring the warnings his body was trying to give him in favor of plowing through his work like he’d always done, and by the time he made it home, was on the verge of collapse. Hot tears of frustration stung at the corners of his eyes, spilling over when Jon allowed himself to feel it. More than anything, he was used to having control over himself, working when he wanted, burying himself in the research, devouring knowledge. Now he was at the whim of his physical form. Paying more attention to it than ever before and never knowing if he was going to wake up and have a good day or a bad day and it was maddening. Managing whatever it was without knowing what it was, was impossible with no rhyme or reason he could discern.

So in the absence of both, Jon kept shoving his way through how difficult it was because if he could just be normal through pretending everything was normal, then it would be.

Jon knew Tim was cross with him and managed to avoid him for most of the day, taking breaks here and there like he’d promised Martin he would do. But his luck, while it had been holding steady, had just run out and he found himself cornered in the breakroom.

“What do you think you’re on about?” Frustration had long since turned to outrage, boiling over.

“Tim, I. I’m not sure what you mean--”

“Damn it, Jon! You’ve already taken on a job you aren’t fit for! You can’t keep heaping your work onto Martin and then swanning off!”

“That’s.” He balled his hands into fists, nails biting crescent moons into his palms. How could he explain when even the doctors thought he was making it all up? Heat rushed through him, top to toe, flushing his face and he wavered, legs threatening to buckle, vision threatening to go dark. He was going to pass out a second time today if he didn’t sit down. But that would mean walking away from Tim, and he didn’t think the man would let him. At least not until he was done telling him off. Better to be silent. Try not to pay attention to how erratic the persistent beating caged behind fragile ribs had become.

“Why didn’t you say no?” Because he wanted to be useful. Because Elias made him feel like he was capable even if he wasn’t. “Why didn’t you just let Sasha have this?” Because he was an awful, selfish person. “God, Jon. Why did you drag us all down here with you?”

Because he was lonely.

Because they’d been friends. Once.

Rather than remind Tim that he was free to go at any time, that he and Sash hadn’t been forced or coerced into accepting positions here in the archives, Jon pressed his lips into a thin line.

“Well?!” Sharp, strident, Tim’s shout echoed around in the space between his own hurting, agonal breaths in his ears.

“I. I, I need to si’down…” wanted to lay down. Wanted to sleep, trembling with exhaustion, about to go down.

“What?” Lashes fluttering as he gripped the thread of consciousness with both hands, he barely registered Tim’s hands around his shoulders, guiding him into a chair and pushing his head down between his knees. “Jon?”

“M’okay…”

“You are clearly not.” A wide palm settled on his back, keeping him folded over. It was helping.

“S’mm...been. S’fine.” The floor came back into focus, all the little cracks and imperfections and Jon counted the streaks in the pattern in an attempt to ground himself but kept losing track of the number. Neither moved until Jon attempted to sit up, slowly, accepting Tim’s help.

“Jon?” He looked spooked, pale. “Please, what’s going on?” His hand settled in the crux of shoulder and neck, thumb ghosting along his clammy skin, and Jon allowed himself to find a morsel of comfort in the familiar gesture, the threat of tears closer than ever. So he reached for him.

“I don’t know.” And Tim pulled away as if burned, the frustration and anger rising in his face again, and Jon was bereft. “T’truly! I--”

“Why won’t you be honest with me? Don’t you trust me?” Standing, he took a step backwards, away from him, the hurt in him a palpable thing. “We’re supposed to be friends!”

Yes. They were friends. It was most likely why for the first time in a long while, the pain in his chest wasn’t a physical ache.

“Tim, I.” Fingers folded to fists to rest on his knees. But he was already gone.

“Jon!” Tentative, Martin lifted his chin. “Oh, oh.” Having been crying, Jon figured his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy and he didn’t bother attempting to hide the evidence. “Alright.” Martin went about making tea, chamomile, herbal and calming, placing it before him on the table with a chocolate digestive. “Drink this down and then go home. It’s half six.”

“Mm.”

“Sleep will help.”

“Mm.”

“I could speak to them for you. If--”

“No!” All but shouted. “No. That won’t be necessary, Martin.” Carefully he stood, paused. “Thank you.” And left.

Jon called off.

Called off again.

Again.

Apologized to Elias in a curt email requesting leave and was granted it.

He ignored his phone. His texts. The knock at the door and Martin’s voice behind it. He slept when he was tired and he was tired often and it was easier besides, to finally listen to the screaming of his body. It was after hours on his fifth day gone when Tim let himself in with the spare key to Jon’s flat.

“Hey.” Sheepish, he held up his hands in surrender, a bag of takeaway from Jon’s favorite place dangling from one. “Martin said you wouldn’t let him in.” Dressed in the most comfortable clothes he had, which were also the shabbiest, Jon glared at him from where he laid on the couch. “I was an arse.” Slowly, he sat up, making Tim wait on purpose, a powerful frown still aimed in his direction.

“You were.” He was aware he looked a mess, greasy hair pulled back in a sloppy bun, but he felt a sight better for the rest he’d gotten.

“Would you accept an apology?” Folding his arms, Jon leaned back into the cushions and fixed his stare at whatever rubbish was on the telly.

“Might do.” Silently, Tim scurried into the tiny kitchen and Jon listened to the familiar sounds of him rooting around for cutlery. It smelled delicious and comforting, a reminder of nights spent together laughing at nothing on this same couch and despite himself, Jon began to relax.

“I’m sorry.”

“Alright.” Tim’s face split in a wide, relieved grin, and he flopped down next to him, planting a loud kiss to his temple before urging him to eat. “Martin sent you here.”

“An angry Marto is not to be trifled with.” Through a mouthful of noodles, Tim chuffed in laughter. “Wouldn’t tell me anything, other than to stop being a prick.”

“He did not.”

“He did not. But it was more than implied!” He put his bowl on the low table in front of them, sitting forward with his hands dangling between his knees. “And he was right. I didn’t give you a fair shake and accused you of awful things. And I know you’re doing your best at this job.”

“Gertrude isn’t making it easy.”

“Neither is your health, I take it.” Jon set his own meal aside, curling into the padded arm.

“No. It isn’t.”

“And you don’t know what’s causing it?”

“I know some things that help. M’Martin has been invaluable.”

“Has he, now?”

“Leave off!”

“Okay, okay.” But he continued giggling as Jon felt his face go hot, muttering.

“He really has.” This time Tim pulled him gently into an embrace.

“Then Sash and I will just have to catch up.”

#tma #the magnus archives #jon sims #tim stoker #martin blackwood #sasha james #cane user jon sims #archivist with a cane #chronic illness #undiagnosed #pots #fainting #exhaustion #anxiety #hurt/comfort #internalized ableism