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stupidthoughtsinwriting · 1 year

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He isn't here anymore (Loki)

Summery: Comforting the son you were left with after the aftermath of the blip, you deal with the grief and memories that come as you as you reassure your son

I dunno what appropriate warnings to put on this so just be warned thats its very angsty and deep. sorry in advanced.

Im posting this before i do anything else and ruin it but after months of tinkering i present this....

Screams woke you from your light slumber. Never been much of a heavy sleeper, your ears instantly registered the fear filled screams coming from the other room. It pained you to hear the horrible echoes of the poor thing wailing dead at night. Quickly throwing the covers off, you ran from your room, sped out the halls to his, where you knew the cries of agony resonated.

Slowing your movements by the door, you knocked and called out his name, but his shrieks muffled out your calls. Slowly opening the remaining barrier restricting you from helping him, you caught sight of the room dim but the soft glow of moonlight, though shrouded by rain, seeping in the room. The glow was enough to help you make out figures and that’s where you saw the boy. Hiding in the dark corner of the room, by the dressers, curled up in a tight ball, screaming in agony. You slowly walked over, calling his name again and again to get his attention but your calls never broke through.

‘Sleipnir’ you called softly, desperate to calm the boy without scaring him anymore. He had his head bowed down his knees, arms hugging his legs like a lifeline, the poor boy was shaking. It pained you to see the child in anguish, in pure distress as you stay unharmed. He may not be your blood, but he was your child.

The poor thing was in complete torment, devised by his own mind from the tortures he’s had to endure due to his years as the revolting god Odin’s steed. To be taken from his mother’s grasp just after birth was enough but to be in the peak of battle at such a young age, such traumas would already be a heavy burden to man of right age but a meagre child? The mere thought of it haunts your very being, down to your bones. You couldn’t possibly imagine what he was going through, and you wouldn’t let anyone themselves think otherwise. He’s just a child. Looks to some would parallel to a five-year-old and he is. He's just at the right age to be a five-year-old in Midgardian standards. To play out with children, to study with others in preschool, to paint with their tiny hands, that’s what he should be doing. Not to suffer every moment haunted by the past but to enjoy life freely.

He’s just a child. You often wondered how he copes with the horror of his past. He’s young, you couldn’t imagine how, even if he could think through his thoughts thoroughly. You thought highly of him, just as clever as his mother and admired his strength through all of it but you worried how he is. How he handles or grasps what happened. You’re there for him but you remember it being hard to think thoroughly at such a young age. You barely remember anything from your youth, but you were sure you hardly ever thought of anything too seriously.

You love the boy to bits. He’s as much as your child as Loki’s. You’d protect him with your life even with the expense of it. You loved him as such to know he didn’t deserve any of this. Children never asked to be born, it’s the parents who bring them to this world. Though they’re grateful, they never asked to be born to slave away, to be born in such poor conditions, to live what will be a terrible life but their thankful. They make do with what they’ve got and the hardships but do parents ever really consider what will happen to them? Children are forced out of the world and others are born with privilege, but the other half are born to slave away for their keepings. It’s the hard truth in the universe and they deal with it.

You never faulted Loki for introducing you to this blessing of a lifetime. Through good days, Sleipnir is bright as the sun, clever as can be and as humorous as possible, all traits inherited from his mother and you were grateful for that. Through dark times though, the memories of battle with Odin plagued his memories, the harsh sting of a lashing as punishment eerily crawled up his skin, sending him with a harsh tug of reminiscence back to the painful torment. It wasn’t uncommon to happen during daylight but nearly every night in his first few months with you, you and Loki woke to his screams in the middle of the night and came rushing to his aid. He didn’t get much sleep for months and survived on the naps he took during the day in Loki’s arms. It worried you both, resulting in letting him sleep in your bed, held tightly by either of you but more often in Loki’s arms. He’d still wake, thrashing but was quickly comforted by Loki’s words.

You loved the boy so much but if you could have spared him the tortures, the nightly plagues, you would have let him go. If you were his mother and had at least thought of a single thing hurting him, let alone this, you would have spared him this world. He never deserved this, he’s been nothing but kind to those around him, following the instructions of others, never once breaking a rule in fear of punishment… you thought the child too pure for this world.

You knew Loki had his regrets for not protecting him and you understood, however the thoughts you had would only send him deeper into self-loathing, you couldn’t do that to him. You love them both so much, you’d rather die than hurt the ones you love.

‘Sleipnir’ you called again, taking a careful step closer, not wanting to startle the boy. He still had his face buried deep on his knees but by the third call, his screams lowered in volume due to the strain of its harsh use enough so that he could hear your soft pleas. He lifts his head hesitantly, his gorgeous ebony locks, much like his mothers, fanned at the front, covering most of the red, tear-streaked face of a beautiful young boy. His shrieks quieted down slowly as he tried to get through the fog of tears clouding his eyes.

Once he saw you, hesitant as if to not disturb an animal, crouching, just a few paces away from him, he straightened his neck, wanting to get a good look to see if there were no threats of Odin and only you. You noticed his vigilance, much like his mothers. You would have admired the likeness but due to the circumstances, you knew he looked out for fear of danger and threat. Taking another step, you announced yourself.

‘Kjæreste’ (darling) you started, knowing the familiar calling would help ease him a bit.

‘y/n?’ he questioned, not truly believing what his eyes showed.

‘Ja det er bare meg kjære. It’s only me. ingen dårlig fyr. No pain. ingen smerte’ (Yes it’s me darling/no bad guy/no pain) you affirmed. He still looked cautiously, purely out of fear.

‘No. men han var der, he to take me. han der’ (but he was there/he there) he pointed right beside the bed. You looked over and saw nothing, but his sheets thrown to the ground. He started to sob harder, and you looked back at him, seeing the crystal shimmer down his soft cheeks.

‘Nei han er borte. Gone darling.’ (no he’s gone) you said slowly standing back up, moving beside the dresser to turn on the nightlight. A soft light, the colour of morning dawn brightened the room. It helped the boy see more clearly, that the bad man wasn’t there anymore and only you.

‘See no more. He’s gone. det er bare meg som ser ut’ (it’s just me look) you keened, slowly moving back towards him. He was still trembling as he took a good look at the room. He saw nothing out of place save for the blanket and you.

‘Det er bare meg, it’s just me. han er ikke her lenger’ (It’s just me/he isn't here anymore) you continued, taking the last few steps until you’ve reached him. You went on your knees and held back on touching him at first, knowing your lesson after you did so, what seemed like a long time ago. He watched your every move, still wary and unsure of his safety.

A soft smile shaped your lips as a finger carefully swiped the hair on the front of his face, tucking it behind his ear to reveal the beautiful though red and tear-streaked face of your adopted son.

‘It’s just me darling’ you assured, letting your fingers brush away the fallen tears decorating his soft cheeks. His tears never ceased so you let them flow, knowing he needed to set them free so instead, you opted on cradling his cheek, letting your digits stroke the delicate features, all to similar to a certain god of mischief.

The touch reminded him of the ones his mother used to comfort him with. The careful caress of your fingers were much like his mamas and the kind smile you offered brought him back to the nights much like this when Loki was the one that came to console him from his nightly terror.

He leaned in the warmth of comfort you seemed to provide and your heart swelled at the sight. You kept the welled-up tears of your own at bay whilst you continue to comfort the snivelling boy.

‘Det er greit, det er bare meg. Its’ just me’ (it’s okay, it’s just me) you repeated as the child let out a whimper.

And just as the words were spoken, loud clap of thunder rang, causing the child scream out of fear and jump at you, nearly causing you to fall back. The rain tapped the windows more harshly as you wrapped your arms around the shaking boy. His cries increased in volume and there wasn’t any hope in stopping the tears anymore.

Another clash sounded and the remaining light in the room flickered. Every clap of thunder that wrang the town they lived in sent the boy whimpering each time, the horrid feel of the whip Odin used to get him to submit and obey stung his skin. Every crash brought a flash of memories the boy so desperately tried to forget.

It pained you to see him that way. You didn’t know what to do but hold him tighter. Your son was in pain and all you wished for is to take it all away. To let you suffer instead of the poor boy in your arms but when were the gods or the universe ever so kind.

You cursed Thor for the raging storm as a hand moved up and down Sleipnir’s back. He had his head buried deep in the crook of your neck. Tears soaked the tunic you wore as his tiny hands clung on to you for dear life. You tried to console him, whispering words of reassurance, telling him he was safe, but you doubted he heard you over the roaring tempest let alone his sobs.

‘Shhh, it’s okay darling. det er greit, jeg er her. det er bare onkel Thor, it’s okay’ (it's okay, I’m here/it's only Uncle Thor) you whispered in his ear, raking your fingers through his unruly raven hair.

You stayed like that for a while, never moving from your spot on the carpeted floor. You didn’t know how long it took, but you waited until the storm eased to even shift your position. The movement sent him whining though, he hugged you tighter, gripping you tight enough, I’d be very difficult to even try to pry him off you.

He let out a whimper, the motion made him think you were pulling him off you, getting sick of his clinginess but he couldn’t lose you. He’s scared of losing you. You cared for him whenever he needed, comforted him when he was scared out of his wits from a nightmare, he loved you just as much as he loved him mama and he couldn’t lose that.

‘Noo, Mummy stay’ he cried, holding you tighter. The tears you desperately held back streamed at the name. He’s never called you that before, you were always y/n to him but to be called his mummy is an honourable pleasure you will cherish till the day you die. You held him tighter; your grip rivalling his as you comforted him to the best of your abilities.

‘I’m not going anywhere darling. jeg er her, jeg er her. jeg skal ikke noe sted.’ (I’m here, I’m here/ I’m not going anywhere) you said, gently scratching his scalp. The boy cried harder, wrapping his arms around your neck as you gave him a kiss on the temple.

‘It’s okay, det er greit jeg er her, I’m here Kjæreste’ (It’s okay I’m here/darling) you whispered, laying your head against his before trying to pull back. He whined and fought to stay in the safety hidden by your hair, but you coaxed him and explained the matter.

‘Shhh its okay darling. It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere’ you repeated, pulling him gently off your shoulder and cradling his head in your hands. There you held a young boy, tear filled eyes, bloodshot and puffy, small rivers streaming down flushed cheeks and a small bright red button nose stuffed to the brim. The look of absolute fear held in those ocean eyes crushed your heart, but you forced a soft smile on your lips, wiped the dripping snot with the sleeve of your tunic and kissed the top of his head. He melted in your hold, finally feeling the absolute love you held for him in every form of affection you gave and the safety you promised him long ago.

‘I, we have to move though Kjæreste’ (darling) you explained, letting your fingers wipe the tears that flowed. He whined at the word move, but you quickly assured him.

‘Just off the floor Kjæreste. Maybe to my room, where you’ll stay with me in bed’ (darling) you offered, knowing he was too scared to be alone on his own. He looked at you with those beautiful blue green teary eyes, making sure you weren’t going and leaving him before giving you a faint nod. Your grin grew a bit wider as you wiped the continuously -though reduced- flowing tears for the last time -or atleast for the time being- and placed a longing kiss on his head, wanting him to assure that you weren’t going anywhere.

‘Vil at jeg skal bære deg søt?’ (Want me to carry you sweet?) you asked. He nodded more eagerly, knowing to wrap his arms around your neck tightly and carefully around your waist. He hid his head back on the crook of your neck, still letting out soft sniffs as a hand went to his back once again to caress the curve of his spine. Stilling the movement as you stood up, you quickly bent to get the green blanket -one that used to be the cape of your husbands- thrown to the ground and grey wolf stuffie from the bed before you made your way to your room.

You opted to sit on the rocking chair near the window first, well aware how the gentle rock helped him calm down. Sitting down, you nudged the nose of the wolf to his cheek, making him turn and see the toy. With your signature kind smile, you gave him the cuddle toy and he held it very close to himself, laying his head on your shoulder as he admired the plush. You covered him with his blanket, making sure he was comfortable and secured before you leaned back on the chair.

He still let out small sniffles, holding the wolf gifted by his mama close to him as your fingers moved the few stray strands of hair the fell and covered his face. You gave him another peck on the head, resuming the gentle caress of your hand on his back, in tune with the chair as you laid your head on his.

You figured on humming a tune, an Asgardian song Loki used to sing to you and used as a lullaby for Sleipnir. You haven’t done it before, but it seems to be working as he was relaxing in your hold. He removed a hand from his grip on the toy and laid it across your chest, gripping the tunic and some of your skin, tight. You melted at the small gesture, surely unnoticed by him but meaning the world to you.

‘I miss mamma’ he whispered out of nowhere. You lifted your head to look at him, but he let his head stay where it was, he didn’t move so you placed your head back. He hasn’t spoken to you about this before, but you understood.

‘I miss him too’ you replied, merely a murmur but he heard.

Three and a half months ago, half of the living people in the universe disappeared. Thanos used the infinity stones to wipe out half of all living creatures with just the snap of his fingers. Loki was among the half that got dusted.

You were far away from the battle, out here in your little cottage in Norway with Sleipnir. You begged him to not go when the news of Odin’s absence in Asgard reached your home. Sleipnir was frightened out of his wits when he heard the name but you both comforted him, telling him the bad man was never going to see let alone hurt him again.

Loki had to go. He had to. Not only look for his father but to see to the people of Asgard. He promised to be back in a short while, he just had to do this. He promised it wouldn’t be long, that he’d be back before you knew it and stupidly, you reluctantly agreed.

It turned out that Odin wasn’t far from your home. That he perished just up the cliff, near the neighbouring village of the one you took residence in. That his death caused the release of his estranged daughter and her massacre on Asgard. That the only way to stop her was to trigger Ragnarök and destroy the Realm Eternal.

It turned out that on the way back here on Midgard, their ship was attacked by Thanos and his sick children. They got a lot of the people into escape pods but there was already so much death. Less than half of those that survived Hela’s destruction made it to the escape pods, Valkyrie in lead of them. They turned up on Midgard’s orbit a month after but the few heads that stayed on the vessel barely made it or didn’t at all.

You knew something wasn’t right days after Loki’s departure and your suspicions were confirmed when you heard screams in the village nearby. The people were disappearing but your heart truly broke when a knock came to your door. Cautiously with the dagger you were given to protect yourself with, you answered and met the bloody god of thunder. He looked awful, truly worse for wear but the look of grief that painted his face told you faster than whatever words he were to utter.

You broke, only for a second. A hand covered your mouth as you slid down to the floor, dropping the dagger beside you as quiet muffled screams left you and tears streamed from your cheeks. The tantrums you wanted to act on diminished when you heard the soft call of your name. Hastily wiping the tears from your eyes, you turned around to see the raven-haired boy peaking his head out from the corner, holding tightly on to his wolf.

Thor told you what happened after you put Sleipnir to bed that night. He told you everything. How Loki fought bravely and honourably. How he saved the people. How you and Sleipnir were a constant thought and mention, whenever in conversation. How he had to face Thanos. How he made Thor promise to protect you both when he was gone.

You let him stay in the cottage, to get himself cleaned up and to stay the night. You asked him to watch over the oblivious sleeping boy as you just had to get out. You screamed when you reached the top of the cliff. You let out all the hurt and grief you felt but you couldn’t do much. You couldn’t let yourself stress too much on the matter, but it was hard. You cried all the tears you could and screamed till your throat ached, but you had to take care of yourself. You couldn’t lose yourself and he wouldn’t want that. You still had Sleipnir and this just added to the mountain of grief he’s already experience, so you couldn’t lose yourself, for him, for both them.

Stalking back to your home, you quickly checked on your husband’s son before you cried yourself to sleep, holding his pillow tight against you and soaking it with tears.

Loki was brilliant. He was a perfect parent to Sleipnir. He had his faults and mistakes, but he was perfect. You missed the nights where he held you close, tightly wound in his arms or the nights where he took Sleipnir back to bed with him, the boy encased in his mother’s embrace while still having a hold on you. Always so doting to the both of you. How he loved you both so much and how you loved him back, you missed him. So so much.

‘I miss him so much’ you added, stumbling over your words as tears sprung to your eyes. The boy lifted his head to see you in the brink of breaking, so he shifted to wrap an arm around your neck and plant a kiss on your cheek.

‘I love you mummy’ he spoke tiredly, scratching an eye before letting his hand settle back around your neck. He laid his head on your clavicle, burrowing himself on your neck just like how his mother did before falling asleep.

Tears poured at the young boy’s confession. It was hard for him to open up, even to Loki but you were slowly breaking through his walls and now you’ve reached the other end. Like the many other forms of affection he’s presented this night, this was a new one. He’s never told you he loved you, but you knew he did in his own way, he didn’t have to say it. But to hear it is just another thing.

‘I love you too Kjæreste’ (darling) you replied, placing a kiss where your lips could reach and pulled him closer.

You hummed the song again until you reached the part where the lyrics came. Singing softly, you remembered the times Loki serenaded you with the very same song, pulling you to your feet, swaying to the delicate melody he sang angelically. You remembered how he changed the gentle ballad to lively music, the sound of your laughter mixing with the song as he pranced around after having a few too many pints of mead. How he shifted the song into a lullaby, you standing hidden behind the door as he hymned the song to the boy in his arms.

Men trærne de danser

Og fossene stanser

Når hun synger, hun synger

Kom hjem

Men trærne de danser

Og fossene stanser

When she sings she sings come home

You let the chair rock back and forth, drawing abstracts on his back. Feeling his breathing relax, you closed your eyes, your memories drifting to the first night you caught the sight of your husband lulling his son back to sleep after another tormented nightmare.

He held him close, the boy tightly clasped in his mother’s embrace, head laid on the crook of his neck and his tiny arms wrapped around it, the sight warmed your heart. Loki had his back on the headboard, head laid lightly on the boy’s head as you heard him hum the lullaby.

I stormsvarte fjell jeg vandrer alene

Over isbreen tar jeg meg frem

I eplehagen står møyen den vene

Og synger: når kommer du hjem?

Men trærne de danser

Og fossene stanser

Når hun synger, hun synger

Kom hjem

The memory of him holding the boy tighter just as he finished the song played in your head and unconsciously you did the same. The child had fallen asleep in his arms, finally a look of peace painted in that gorgeous feature. He planted a kiss on his head, staying a little bit longer with him whilst you went back to your room.

Now you held his boy in your arms. The slow even huffs of air you felt on your neck was enough indication that he’d finally fallen asleep. You continued rocking the chair and moving a hand up and down his back as you placed a lingering kiss on the top of his head.

The longing for your late husband bared as unknown tears shed. He was so much like his mother. The nightly terrors you helped Loki himself nurse were full of you whispering words of comfort and him wrapped tightly around you. The mother and son were alike in ways some only you would notice and you cherished each and every single similarity to heart.

Wiping away the tears that fell, that usually were kissed off by your beloved, you held the boy tight, securing the blanket on him before standing up and moving to the bed. You sat on the edge, him still in your arms as you swung your legs up on the mattress. You knew the boy wouldn’t allow you off his grip and learned from times before that it was better to keep him in your hold.

You toed the duvet up to cover at least your legs as you settled your boy beside you, pulling up the green fabric of his comforter, resting it just on his shoulder and laying his head on your arm. A hand was still firmly clutched on his wolfie, so you let the other draped over your chest, his grip on the tunic tightening one placed.

His hold was possessive. Either a show of his need and love for you or his protectiveness, you felt both and you just knew Loki would be so proud of him for protecting and just being there for his mummy. You couldn’t bare the thought of being alone after the snap. You would have writhed in your grief and lose yourself if you had not had your children. You barely would have had the will to continue on without a purpose but yourself. It’s selfish down to the bone but you felt its truly how you felt. Without the boy in your arms or the child your darling husband left as his final gift to you, you couldn’t imagine a future without your family. You thanked every god that heard you for blessing you with a purpose and keeping your children safe. It was just enough to dull the ache of losing Loki and keep yourself together but the grief stayed and you just knew that it would stay there for a very long time.

Maybe he’d be proud of you too, for taking care of yourself and pushing through the grief so to take care of your family. For persevering through every trouble thrown your way and still standing out strong, still taking care of yourself for the kids. You knew he would have wanted you to live for yourself as well, but you just couldn’t do it. You’d live for the memory of him but if you had nothing, you wouldn’t be here, not without him.

These were the thoughts you used to cope. The belief that your prince would be proud of what you’ve done. For keeping the people he loved the most safe and cared for.

You feared the thoughts that dwelled in your mind, his fury for being so careless with his offspring’s and his beloved. You feared the look of disappointment that would paint his face if he ever saw you lose yourself and you feared that too. Losing your self wasn’t an option but you feared the day that you might or might have.

A hand continued the ministrations on the boy’s back, moving up and down while the other went to your protruding bump. The usual soft fluttering you felt becoming more and more sensible as the babe gained its strength and started moving around. A small grin drew your lips as the baby started kicking lightly.

‘It’s okay darling, I’m okay. Only big brother with a nightmare’ you whispered, caressing your stomach right where the child kicked. You’ve grown to learn that the baby grew a bit restless when it sensed that something wasn’t right, much like its father.

The foetus is only 5 months old, but your bump would be mistaken for a woman farther along in her gestation. You’ve heard from the surviving elders of Asgard that the babe is rather small for a Jotun but considering the child is half mortal and that Loki was rather small as a babe himself, you thought it normal. You were still big, but you loved the child and couldn’t wait for them to be born.

You were 6 weeks long when you told Loki and the gleam in his eyes was worth every pain you were in. He held you in a tight embrace as tears brimmed both your eyes before he lifts you high, much to your surprise. With a yelp, he spun you around the room, chuckles and laughter leaving both your lips as you begged him to put you down.

Following your pleas, as soon as your feet touched the floors, his lips captured yours. He poured every ounce of love and gratitude he held into the kiss, holding you so carefully as the thought of carrying such sacred cargo bared in his mind.

What you’d give to feel those lips on yours again. The sight of stunning emerald orbs staring back with such love and fondness…

You looked around the room, what used to be your shared bedroom, lighted only by the dim lamp you’ve turned on after coming back with Sleipnir. The rain had eased to a light shower, ceasing its harsh beating on the windows and letting the raindrops race to the bottom.

The room or the house itself lost its light when Loki… passed. The laughter filled halls now screamed silently with only two souls managing the home, both grieving the loss of a loved one. A shadow hung around and dimmed the room like never before with the house’s master gone and entertainment had been scarce, but you did your best to bring life back to your home through no success.

This will always be your home. The memories so carefully made and savoured were rooted in this lodging. The late-night dances to the moonlight, the afternoons spent colouring and playing in the living room with both your boys, and the lazy mornings where the whole of your family snuggled up on the couch to either watch a film of sorts or the snow fall. These memories were all made in this cabin you and Loki worked so hard on building, you’d fight to protect the last few gifts your darling has left you with.

The green tunic of his that you wore was damp with mixtures of snot and tears. Both from your own tears and the boy that you held in your arms. The pillow of his beside your head had begun to lose his scent yet you still relished whatever you had left of him. You had to. To keep the memory of him in your mind as the final throws of denial ebbed away. You had to accept it. Finally, and fully accept that he isn’t here anymore. Though it broke your heart to admit, you had to accept the reality of it in preparation for the new life he fought so bravely to protect.

‘It’s okay. We’re going to be okay.’ You muttered for the benefit of everyone in the room, stroking the swell of your stomach as the babe finally settled to rest. You blinked back your tears and wiped the fallen few with a free hand before uttering a simple thanks prayer to your beloved and falling to the abyss of sleep.

‘Thank you darling. For everything. For the life you chose to trust me in caring for. For the family you left me with. For the love you gave me. I miss you so much. So so much. Thank you and I love you.’

sorry... i warned to the best of my ability which was awful i admit but i do hope you enjoyed it💚

this may be rubbish but the hell with it. im still trying to figure out writing so... yah

83 notes · View notes

mcl4r3n · 11 months

Note

one thing about me is that i am never going to be able to listen to 'illicit affairs' and 'august' by taylor swift without thinking about dando

like especially the bridges in those songs just scream dando angst to me and specifically lando pining for daniel angst. i wish i could expand and explain, but thinking too hard about dando makes me fucking insane 😭

Nonnie. Oh my god. Nonnie this is fucking me up. I'm gonna. im gonna like. curl up into a ball or something because. like. okay.

tw cheating tw WAG mention so i will understand fully if you dont wanna read further than this

Just thinking about like okay so like 2021-2022 daniel and heidi are on and off again, and in the times when they're off, daniel and lando start fucking around, but like the entire shitstorm of 2022 happens yeah and now daniel is on his danbbatical of 2023 and he's taking heidi around the world with him etc etc but in the times when she's NOT with him he's hitting lando up to hook up and like lando was okay with it before, yeah, even until 2022 because like. close proximity and everything.

but like it's Different now because there's none of that. like daniel and heidi are fully Together together and lando sees the photos he posts of heidi at scotty's wedding and he hates daniel and hates her and hates himself but like. he still keeps going whenever daniel asks.

he never mentions heidi to danny, and danny never mentions heidi to him. their hookups are far and in between now because of daniel's schedule but the more time they spend apart the more lando misses him.

the more lando realizes that he is actually jealous and really does want daniel for himself and hates that he's letting himself be the side piece especially on the heels of this horrible season for him.

he starts becoming ruthless about it. he starts wearing daniel's merch (especially since heidi's been wearing daniel's merch too). he starts declaring openly that he misses daniel.

he has this warped idea that if he's more open about how he feels about daniel, it will convince him that he's the one for daniel, actually. but he'd never outright say that to danny. so he thinks he can compete with heidi, show that he's sweeter, more thoughtful, just overall better for daniel.

and then one day like after silverstone, they hookup. and like, okay, post nut clarity, daniel's lying in bed with lando's jizz on his chest and he's staring at the ceiling and he says, "heidi and i broke up."

and lando tenses up. this is the first danny has mentioned her all year. he thinks god. okay. this is it. this is finally it. he pretends he's concerned, but inside he;s rejoicing, and he hates that he is but he is. but he's still like. cautiously asking things like "oh, what happened?" "when?"

and daniel's looking at him really like. . . heartbroken.

"I told her about us."

Lando's frozen. He's like. freaking out, actually. for a whole bunch od reasons but also mainly because like he is a part of this and shouldnt he have gotten the fucking heads up that daniel was gonna tell someone else about them???? and so he's like. speechless.

"I uh. i really hurt her. and i really hurt you too. like, ive been stringing you both along and i just. i dont think—i. this is the last time we can do this."

and lando's tearing up because like. what the fuck. like this isnt what he wanted. he wanted daniel to choose him. so he says so. he says that lando doesn;t mind, that he's right here, that he wants to be with danny, but daniel leans in and kisses his cheek and says, "lando, there's a lot i gotta figure out, and i've. . . i shouldnt be with either of you. im not a good person."

and lando is confused and upset and frustrated for so many reasons, he's worrying now about heidi getting revenge, the press, everything, and daniel says, "she won't tell anyone. she won't. she promised me. and i did hurt her but she told me i needed to get my shit together first before i thought about even thinking of being with anyone else and—she's right."

and lando's chest is caving in and he's like. "so what, you fuck me one last time, didn't even tell me it would be the last time, and now you get to fuck off? why didn't you tell me this beforehand?"

and daniel is like "because you'd have tried to make me stay, and i can't stay. trust me, you don't want this—" he waves his hand around to gesture at himself. "not right now, anyway."

"but i love you. danny, i love you. you don't have to—we can just be together, like, i'm right here, we can just be together already now—"

and daniel is tearing up too and he says, "you should be with someone who isn't an asshole, lando. you should be with someone who didn't string you along and have you play second fiddle when it was convenient. that isn't me."

and now i have written myself into a corner anon and i am deeply sad and i dont know how to resolve this but for NOW it ends here like this. :(

#dando #what the fuck did i just do. why did i do this.#WHY DID I DO THIS!!!!!#why did i do this to MYSELF and to LANDO and also to DANIEL and also to HEIDI dfskjnglkrjnljknfgljnrkjfnkjrngflk #asks

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heartsoulspiritelite · 10 months

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Saw the barbie move last Friday IT WAS AMAZING🫶

Matt Jackson x Nick Jackson

I cringed so many times writing this. IM SO ASHAMED. But likee :) jk but brooooooo. Maybe im projecting or sum (NOT THE INCEST PART) im sorry about this, Ive read too many fics on ao3..., I know it aint a big deal but i had to take multiple break while writing this because i felt like the ghosts of my relatives were watching, man i had to take screaming breaks ;-; the writing is terrible but still. ENJOY:)

Warning- Smut, spanking- punishment, slight smut, Sibling Incest

No Summary

Close Brothers

"Nick leave me the eff alone" Matt said sharply while trying to avoid the other bucks eye contact

Matt's been acting weird ever since they got back to their hotel and nows they're trying to pack up peacefully but Matt's attitude isn't helping.

"Matt just tell me whats wrong, Why do you have to be so frustrating" Nick almost yells.

Matt freezes at this and looks at Nick with a slightly hurt expression and runs to the bathroom and locks himself him. Why wont he just tell him whats wrong? They tell each other everything. Did he do something wrong?

"Matty please.." He pleads while sitting outside the bathroom door

Hearing the pleading tone in his younger brothers voice made him feel a tad bit guilty so he unlocked the door but didn't open it and returned to his previous position .

Once Nick heard the door unlock he took that as his cue to walk in.

The sight he saw before him made his heartbreak. He saw matt curled up in a ball beside the toilet with stray tears running down his pretty face, looking up at him desperately with his boo boo eyes.

"Please tell me whats got you acting like this?" Nick asked him as gently as he could while bending down infront of his older brother.

"W-why did you let her touch you like that" He whispered

"Who" Nick asked genuinally confused

"The girl we ran into while going shopping Nick dont act stupid" He said not even looking Nick in the eye

"The worker? Matt she was just talking to us about the shoes, why does it bother you so much?" He says standing up a little annoyed

"Nick she was FLIRTING WITH YOU, IDIOT" Matt yelled getting even more upset wiping his tears

About 2 hours ago the bucks went shopping, When they were looking for new shoes one of the workers came up and totally started hitting on Nick but Nick is god damn oblivious he didn't even think about her carressing his arm or looking up at him fluttering her eyelashes but Matt did. Plus she didn't even glance at him, she was a bitch.

'Matt you're jealous" Nick stated coming to a conclusion

"Well no shit sherlock thanks for pointing out the obvious" matt replied

"Aww Matt you know im yours, you dont needa be jealous, Im sorry darling, i didn't realise she got that close" Nicks apolagizes before hugging him

He picks matt up from off the floor, brings him to bed, sits him down and stands infront of him

"But you're not going to get away with this attitude you've been pulling Matt, You've been acting like a little bitch ever since e got back. You dont trust me huh?" he says to him looking him straight in the eye, using his finger to lift his chin up

Nick knows what Matt really want, its obvious he knows his brother better than he knows himself and he can also tell because of dent in Matts pants. Of course he's going to give it to him, but not without a few punishments.

Matt freezes

"Nick i-" He tries

"Nuh uh that aint gonna fly here. Strip."

"Nick W-what?" He tries again

''What you want a audience or something? Taking your effing clothes of Matt" he orders him watching him closely

"Well i mean-" He laughs slighty before standing up to remove his shirt, then his pants, and underwears and puts them to the side then goes to stand infront of his brother and waits for his next order like a good boy would.

You'd probably imagine Matt being the top right? Well your so far from the truth. Matt loves the humiliation from the punishments, He loves being submissive. He loves letting Nick take control of him.

Nick sits down on armless chair in the middle of room after locking the hotel door and grabs Matts arms and pulls him over slowly

"Bend over." he orders

Matts wastes no time at all and bends over his brothers lap but not without putting on a little show, He makes sure his ass is perked up and bends over slowly, teasing Nick, Nick swats his ass hard and pulls him over her lap, Making him stop his actions.

He runs his hand over Matts ass and squeezes it causing Matt to moan.

"You know the safe word right" He asks just to make sure

"Yes its 'Stop' Nick" He replies rolling his eye

Nick sees this and pinches him in the side

"Ow im sorry, red means stop, yellow means slow down and green means yes" He rushes out

He doesn't want Nick to stop. he want's to be crying mess in his lap. He wants the aftercare, he wants the pleasure.

Without any warning he slaps Matt's ass. Hard.

"Count. We're doing 15, you miss a number and we restart"

Matt nods

He feels Nick pinch again

"Use your words"

"Okay daddy"

He feels Nick's dick harden beneath him and giggles

His laughter is cut short when he feels another smack on his ass

"1" he gasps

"You little slut, you love this dont you" He teases him then gives him another smack on the ass"

"2, Y-yes daddy. ohh i love it so much" he moans

He tries to hump Nick's leg to get relief

"Nuh uh, you dont get to do that get" He stops Matts movements with another harsh smack on the ass, making his own hand hurt.

"3, Oh my god oww" he cries

Nick smirks and undoes his belt, and then grabs it out of his pants

"Oh my god Nick-" Matt says watching his brothers every movement, his stomach getting worried, but his dick getting harder by the second.

Smack

"4" Matt sobs

he wants to so badly rub his ass but he knows he'll get in trouble so he refrains himself and bites his hand.

"You little whore, you love getting manhandled and put in your place huh, you love getting spanked by your little brother" Nick says to man over his lap, smirking

Matt just keeps sobbing

"Color?" Nick asks gently

"Green Nick oh my god its green please dont stop" He begs

He smacks Matts ass once again with belt then gives him a few seconds to breath

"5"

He puts the belt away and just spanks him 10 times fast.

spank spank spank spank spank

"6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15" Matt cries

he takes heavy breaths and sobs until the sting goes away a bit, his dick is still hard as hell

All he feels is pleasure. He loves this.

Nick gently helps him up until matt is straddling his lap and places his head into the crook of his neck.

He bends down and grabs lotion to rub on Matt's bottom to soothe the pain.

Matt sighs at the sensation of Nick rubbing lotion on his ass.

"You okay love?" He whispers

"Yes, thank you" He whispers back

"You're welcome but we're not finished yet baby" Nick laughs slightly at Matt saying thank you

He lifts him up and carries him bridal style over to the bed and lays him down.

Matt hisses at pain of having his ass rub against the bed.

Nick removes his clothes and joins his naked brother on the bed and crawls overtop of him.

His kisses Matt and rubs his hands over his brother pecks making Matt moan loudly.

Matt grabs the back nick's neck and deepens the kiss until he feels Nick break the kiss and lower himself down until he's face to face with his older brothers dick.

He licks a stripe down his dick and slowly licks a circle around his tip causing Matt to arch his back.

"Oh fuck" he moans grabbing at younger brothers hair.

He feels Nick mouth around his cock and pushes his head down forceably until he feels nick gag and lets go to pull his head back up a bit.

"Nicky- f-feels so good" he yells

hearing all of the noises of pleasure he brings out of his brother made him cum right then and there all over the bed.

Nick bobs his head faster down Matt's cock feeling him come close to his release.

"Oh my- im about to" he cries before cuming down Nick's throat

Nick stays in place and swallows it all down before he brings his head back up and smiles at his brother.

They both breath heavily until their breaths even out.

Nick comes to lay beside his brother and pulls him close

"Wait do you need me to" He asks refering to Nick's cock

"No no im fine i kinda already did while.." he trails off making Matt laugh

"But look im so sorry about earlier i really didn't realise what was happening, i love you so much Matty" He whispers into Matt's ear while laying on top of him.

"Its okay, i love you too" His whispers into the brothers hair, running his hands through it.

~Cross-posted on wattpad & ao3~

#matt jackson #nick jackson #young bucks #aew imagine #oneshot #smut #im sorry #aew

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hakuhub · 2 months

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cw: spoilers for penacony 2.1 ahah...

THE PAIN IN HIS VOICE HOLY SHIT he loves his sister so much i'm. going to die i felt my heart ache when he said this... the va did such a good job because holy shit the slight voice crack im GOING TO BE SICK I WANNA DIEIEIDIDJEEI holy shit. oh my god sunday... ur a lil bitch but holy shit i'm going to cry.

ALSO PAUSE... not related to sunday but oh my god adventurine loml. my baby... MY DEAREST LOVE HOLY SHJT his backstory i want to curl up into a ball and die oh my fucking god i'm so done i hate this I HATE THIS i love him so much i cried so fucking hard when i said the cutscene...

"farewell, kakavasha..."

I THINK I'M GOING TO THROW UP HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO CRY JT'S SO SAD OH MY GOD AND HE WAS HOLDING HIS HAT ☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹ adventurine pls i'll give u the biggest smooch on the face i swear omg.. i bawled i screamed and i sobbed seeing that cutscene..

#🐾．hakucore #OH MY GOD I WANT TO CURL UP INTO A BALL AND DIE WTF.

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rabbithaver · 7 months

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"Rabbithaver go a month without taking a joke way, way, way too personally" challenge failed

intellectually, i know it was just a joke. i consider this person a good friend and i know for a fact he would never say something to intentionally hurt me. he is a tremendously sweet and kind person. our friendship is built on playful ribbing and teasing so it's normal for us to talk to each other like this. but man my brain worms sure do know when to latch onto something huh?

i'd just started drawing tonight, and i really do not want to anymore. now i look at all my sonic artwork and think about how much it really does look like K*n P*nders' god-awful art. realism and sonic do not mesh together well at all, do they?

im gonna go curl up into a little ball and scream for a little while

#rabbit.txt #everything i've drawn just looks so gross and bad and wrong i wanna set it all on fire.#also PLEASE do not say bad things about my friend he is a very sweet person and he didn't know saying what he said would bother me this muc #its not his fault my brain is holding a loaded gun at all times #i just. ugh. UGH UGHHHH i am too sick for this i know for a fact i am not thinking clearly why is my brain reacting by imploding???

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myliteralhyperfixations19 · 3 months

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Dinner

warnings:18+ | Pure smut l Fluff |

wc: 980

a/n: Send me more request im tryna pump these out as fast as possible. This is kind of inspired by a dream I had. Enjoy! And Let me know what you guys think. ;)

______________________________________________________________

You don’t hear him when he walks in, too busy dancing around your kitchen to a song playing on the radio in that just one of his oversized shirts, you knew he loved whenever you walked around with nothing but one of his shirts. But at the sound of him setting his keys and briefcase down on the counter, you turn and give him a pretty little smile.

“Hey, Im just making dinner.” You pop a dollop of cream into your mouth from the bowl you’re holding and beam at him stretching your arms out and about to hug him. “How was work?”

“Hi baby,it was fine.” he grumbles in a tired voice. He can’t think straight enough to give a fuller answer, too busy staring at the way you look in his shirt “you know you’re in trouble right?”

You grow quiet as he watches you, sliding off his shoes before walking towards you. “what for?”

“you’ve got some nerve, sweetheart. Wearing my favorite outfit, looking all cute while you cook for me” he says his fingers coming to grip your chin.

You open your mouth to answer, having just enough time to squeak before his hand is palming the back of your head, and his lips come crashing down against yours.

He groans into your mouth, his hands carding down your sides touching the softest parts of you before pulling up the bottom of your shirt. You release a soft gasp when he nudges you up to hop up on the counter; his hands pulling you to the edge of the counter pulling your body flush against his as he kisses you harder. His hands slide up from the swell of your hips until they cup your breasts, his fingers squeezing them like stress balls.

“Prettiest tits,” he mumbles to himself.

You moan louder than you should, your fingers flexing around his shoulders as you come to bite at his neck lighlty. “Oh!”

You bury your face in his neck, rolling your hips over the hardness in his neatly pressed dress pants.

“Do you think you cum for me like this, sweetheart?” His lips move along your jaw, a distraction that makes your head fuzzy. His touch was so warm. you started to feel yourself getting heated and, and your thighs clench around him in anticipation—a delicious sort of ache tingling up your spine with a subtle thrust of his hips against yours.

“N-no not like this.”

“I think you can,” he coos, nosing at your neck, pressing another kiss and bite there. “Come on, be a good little girl and cum for me.”

Oh, god. You’re going to cum from this—maybe from the filth dripping from your husband’s tongue alone.

“Mmm, fuck yes. You're my slutty little princess," he said as he bit into your neck. He caught the look on your face as he sucked on your neck,knowing you were close to coming undone for him. "God, I love those delicious sounds you make,how needy you are for me baby"

Your thighs are slippery. You can feel it every time he helps you roll your hips against him, and a sticky-hot heat swirls in your abdomen, moving all the way down to your curling toes. Your heart stutters in your chest to keep up with your rapid pants.

You’re going to…You’re really going to—

His fingers twist your nipple, and like a switch, your mouth falls open in a silent scream, and you’re shaking in his lap. He helps you move against him to ease you through it, whispering tiny praises through the fog of bliss.

“So good for me.” You hear a zipper coming undone as your head slowly clears. “You can be good for me a little longer, and try to give me another, right princess?”

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mythical-illusions · 10 months

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The thing about the kiss being spoiled is that it absolutely fucking sucked, we were all mad and got rid of any trace as fast as possible. Yet, most people still had in engrained in their minds and believed it to be a GOOD scene. That Aziracrow had finally kissed, all could be right in the world again but it wasn't.

It was the exact opposite

And I believe KNOWING the kiss was going to happen made it so much fucking worse. We all watched the show on the edge of our seats WAITING for it to happen and it just didn't for almost the entire season. We were scared, we knew it was real, so it must be at the season close.

But as we watched on and hit those last 20 minutes and watched as our perfect happy show was slowly unravelled by a cruel angel and cup of coffee, we knew. We knew what was going to happen and we knew it would hurt.

Our friends and family who didn't experience Every had no idea, had no idea what was going to happen. Maybe thinking Aziraphele would stay with Crowley, or that Crowley would go to heaven, or they'd have a normal fight like earlier in the season, THEY DIDN'T KNOW. We never got to experience that, we never got to experience that unknowning sway of disbelief, surprise, shock, and heartbreak.

We knew there was going to be a kiss and we hoped it was going to make everything okay.

Everything was not okay.

Regardless, it hurt so much to see them break apart, but for some reason I wouldn't trade that moment for anything because the love I and the rest of this fandom have for these silly characters is something we'd never trade. Even if it broke our hearts

#good omens #good omens season 2 #gos2 #live laugh love good omens #go2 spoilers #good god im going to curl up in a ball and scream #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens every #they fucking kissed and now im sad again #i just want them to be happy but instead im lying in bed crying

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equallyshaw · 6 months

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star crossed lovers | connor bedard

↳ oc hughes sister x connor bedard blurb + tiny insta post

↳ au masterlist!

↳ takes place in 2025!

warnings: swearing and angst. oh, and underage drinking.

been sitting on this one for a few weeks, wasn't sure if i liked it enough to post but decided to post it and get on with life lol

word count: 4.2k+

Two households, both alike in dignity...

it wasn't supposed to happen, thats what kailey kept telling herself every time she went to go see the rookie. yet each and every time, she found herself staying long and longer. before she knew it, she'd stayed a full weekend with the guy before going back to her off-campus apartment.

straight a - honors, french/spanish fluent, and lacrosse player kailey clara hughes was never meant to meet connor bedard. she never had any interest in hockey players despite her whole family and immediate friend groups being all in with it. yet here she was, absolutely head over heels for the hockey player and she knew they were doomed. partially because of who her brothers were.

or was it?

◦

her best friend and roommate had dragged her and another friend to a small diner in the loop one december evening before they'd all be going back home for break, and that's when the trio spotted their group. the girls had been walking past them when she noticed alex vlasic, who played with jack at usndtp and quickly shrieked. "oh my god vlassy!" she smiled widely and when alex recognized her, he quickly got up to hug her. "oh my god, you're here! I'm so happy for you, you deserve it." she said as the two pulled away. "thanks hughesy, appreciate it. hows everybody? hows mama el?" he questioned and she smiled. "they are good! she's now working with the program but with the girls program, shes absolutely loving it." she said and alex smiled widely. "that's so her, im glad." he paused seeing her friends sit down, "i wont keep you anymore. but don't be a stranger, ok?" he said and she nodded before walking to her booth. as soon as she did, all the guys looked over as alex pointed towards the blonde, and she felt like she could curl up in a ball and never be seen again. before she looked away, she caught connor's eye before he looked away.

before she went to bed that evening, she got a follow request from the one and only connor bedard. her thumb hovered over the request, before pressing accept.

◦

the two had been dating since janurary, so smooth sailing for 7 months when connor's name had come up on her phone while she was in the other room. her brother jack picked up being the nosy person that he is, and instantly recognized the rookie. before connor could say anything, jack hung up and screamed for the girl. she was in the kitchen with her mom, and the two were in the middle of baking chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies. she looked up from the bowl, her laugh and smile quickly falling when she saw the look on her older brothers face.

"jack?" ellen questioned, as jack stared at kailey. "jack?" kailey questioned with doe-like eyes. he shook his head, anger seething and angry tears ready to spill. "why is he calling you?!" he demanded, holding up her phone. her head tilted a bit in confusion, "stop yelling at her. calm down." quinn said from the couch to the right of kailey and their mom. "have something to tell us, missy?" jack said with his voice the same volume. "jack, stop it." ellen said and jack laughed, "you know don't you?" he asked not believing it. "know what?" luke asked coming down the stairs, "she's seeing a boy!" jack said and the boys all looked at one another before looking at kailey. "but more specifically, its who she's seeing." jack added and the boy's were confused. "oh god not one of my friends kails." luke said coming behind her to grab a bottle of water. kailey rolled her eyes, "id rather die." she said and luke shoved her a bit. "who is it though?" luke asked taking up the bar stool in front of her and their mom. her phone began to ring again, and kailey began her descent over to her brother.

"jack, give me my phone." she said and jack held it out of her reach, "jack rowden!" kailey screamed now, and jack froze. jack gave her her phone, and she quickly headed outside to the back to take it. she sat down on the dock. "kails?" connor asked softly once she appeared on the screen, "my brothers know about us." she said defeatedly and connor frowned. he knew why she didn't tell them, and he also knew how much it hurt her not too. "im sorry kails. i take it they were upset?" he said sitting up now. she nodded, "jack was angry, he yelled at me. though the other two are confused." she hummed, looking out into the lake. "im sorry lovey." he said and she nodded, looking back at the screen. "im excited to see you in a few weeks, I've been writing a list of thing-" and she cut him off, "i-i im not sure about that. something came up and uh, yeah." she said and connor's heart broke. he'd been drawing up a list of things to do and show her for the past few months, little things popping up at 2 am when he'd just be getting to bed. or when they'd be at a coffee shop or a on campus library, when the two would be studying. well, kailey would be and he'd be there to hang out and help her study. there was a running joke with her two friends, and they'd always recite mean girls to him: "he doesn't even go here." whenever they'd see him at their school.

"oh, wow. um, ok." he said a bit unsure of what to say. "yeah..im sorry connor." she said, as if it was a knife to the heart. they never used their full names, but here they were. "ill uh let you know when i can, i just need to go kill my brothers right now. ill talk to you later." she said before hanging up. as soon as she did, she broke down into tears. her blue eyes full of sorrow and guilt, knowing she'd never reach back out to him.

back in the house, all havoc broke lose. the three brothers interrogating ellen for all the information she knew. to her defense, she knew little but more than most. "boys stop. she will tell you when she's ready. don't pull this crap with her, she's already upset as it is." ellen scolded. "now get out of here, go do something. unless you'd like to help." she countered, and the boys quickly disappeared. kailey walked back into the house, slamming the back french doors and headed up to her room. "kails?" luke called but got no response. quinn came up behind jack who was busy texting, and slapped the back of his head. " ow! what was that for?" he questioned, rubbing it. "you are an ass." quinn said before making his way up to kaileys room. he knocked a few times before making his way in, and he found her in her bed sobbing into her pillow. "kiwi?" he questioned softly, bringing back to light a old nickname from their childhood. that only made her cry harder. he made his way over to her bed, and laid down facing her before pulling her into his chest. he rubbed her back, as she shook. "im sorry about jack." he said a few minutes later, and she groaned. "don't say his name." she mumbled and quinn chuckled. "but it doesn't matter anymore, there won't be any more of him." she said sitting up and facing her brother. his eyebrows creased in confusion, "you guys and your overprotectiveness! I've never been able to date anybody because there has always been something wrong about the guy..." she said pulling some hair behind her ears.

she licked her lips before restarting, "i never told you guys because i wanted to get to know him before you guys swooped in and told me no. before you guys came up with any bullshit excuse. i've never felt so loved before in my life quinnie. i've never felt so seen, heard, and protected. he genuinely cares about me, and not about getting to know you guys. not about what our last name can do for him or the association. i loved him quinn. god...and you would love him. all of you guys, but especially you. i have never once taken an interest in any hockey player, because truth be told yall are hard asses and i cant take any more than you three." she paused as quinn laughed. she shook her head, blushing.

quinn felt horrible, every word hitting heart. hard. "im sorry kiwi that you have felt that way about us for so long, that was never our intention. we usually just saw things before you realized it and we didn't want you to see those signs. but that does not excuse how you feel because its valid, you deserve all those things and more. and we should never get in the way of finding somebody that makes you happy. i just wish you told us sooner about him, especially then i would have been able to understand twisties text messages." he said waiting for her to understand. her blue eyes went wide, "wait! you knew?" she asked jumping up just a bit. he nodded with a smile, "yeah, mackenzie entwistle and i are friends still. and now i realize that you had no idea." he said laughing softly. "oh my god! oh my goddddd!" she said falling onto her back in embarrassment. "I've received a few karaoke videos from him too." and she cringed. "god stop talking q." she said covering her eyes with her hands. "i understand why you'd ghost the group chat a lot, at one point i was getting concerned and then twistie texted me something and it all made sense." he smiled, and she felt her cheeks heat up again.

quinn looked down at his little sister, as she removed her hands and brought them to her stomach. "when did you know?" he asked, and she looked towards him. "know what?" she said curiously, "that you loved him?" he asked leaning onto his side. she smiled looking up at the ceiling, "when he showed up to the depaul library a few blocks from my apartment in middle janurary, and told me he was not going to leave until i finished all my assignments. even though he had a game the next night. we didn't get out of there until 3. he still drove me back to my apartment, and then headed back to his. and then surprised me with coffee and a bagel before he went to the rink for the early game." she said smiling like a fool.

◦

"con, what are you doing here?" she asked looking at the time as seeing 11:58 pm. he pulled the set out in front of her in the deserted library. "i came to help you and to drive you home." he hummed pulling out a book she'd gotten him one time they were at a local bookstore. "con..you've got a game tomorrow." she said with a frown and he waved her off. "you're more important right now. your mental health is more important to me." he said not looking up from his book, and she sighed turning back to her computer. he smiled once he heard her fingers begin to type.

around 3 am he pulled into the guest parking spot, and he saw exhaustion plaguing at the girls eyes. "thankyou con, i appreciate the ride very much." she said smiling, as she unbuckled. "ofcourse. anytime." he hummed, and she leaned in. "and for helping me with my assignments." she smiled before kissing him. he placed his hand on her cheek, before pulling away. "ill see you later today." he said softly, and she nodded pecking him once more. "let me know when you get home." she said before she shut the door, and he left after she slipped into the elevator.

◦

"seems like you still love him, kiwi." he said and she shook her head. "I've already hurt him, there's no going back." she said sighing. "we were never supposed to be together, anyways. we were star crossed lovers. doomed from the very beginning."

◦

she walked back downstairs for dinner and because the smell of cookies pulled her from her room. quinn had left a little while beforehand to knock some sense into jack, and to deliver the news of the breakup. or well, kelsey's plan to ice him out. jim quickly delivered another slap in the head to jack, and jack tried desperately to defend himself. "hi kels." ellen said pulling the girl into a side hug, as kelsey looked down at the fresh cookies. "you did good." she hummed, smiling up at her mom. ellen kissed her only daughters temple before they heard the shrieking voice of jack, "k? can we talk?" he asked softly, leaning against the fridge. she sighed, looking over and jack and nodding. the two walked outside onto the deck, and Kelsey crossed her arms over her chest. the sun was setting, and she thought the lake looked gorgeous. "i want to apologize about earlier." he said coming up beside her, gauging her reaction. "i fucked up badly, and i don't think you should have broken up with him. that's not fair to him-" and she cut him off, "fair to him? him? seriously jack?" she said turning towards him with fury in her eye. the same one ellen had had many, many times over the years that was usually directed at jack.

"fair to him? what about me? every boy that I've spoken to has ended quickly because you all have something to say about them. when is it my turn, huh? when can i choose a guy and not have you down my neck about them?" she said furiously, tears beginning to pool. "i ended things so i didn't have to deal with this or anything else that you or luke have to say." she snarled before walking back into the house. quinn watched as she walked straight into the kitchen, and softly spoke with ellen. quinn was going to have to kill jack, and when his younger brother walked inside; he most certainly knew he had to.

◦

kailey headed back to the windy city a bit earlier then when she originally anticipated to, about a week into august she decided to randomly pack up her bedroom at her parents house and drove to the city all night. her best friend becca already settled in, was shocked to find the girl coming in and knocking things over at 3 am. her parents had been driving in from toronto so when they arrived home, she'd already been on the road for an hour. her parents confused and distraught, at the sight of her empty bedroom. quickly pulling their phones to check for her location to see it was off on 360, and quickly called the three brothers who were a the lake house. her phone was on silent as she drove through Indiana, listening to indie folk country on blast. it was around 4 pm the same day she arrived, becca opened her door to the three brothers disheveled and exhausted. they'd been up all night thinking of where she could have gone, who she could have been with, calling all their friends and contacts at the detroit airport and others across the country and canada. as soon as they saw the blonde on the couch eating cereal, they all let out a collective sigh. before they took one step inside the apartment they were met with becca who truth be told, was blood at this point. becca had become part of the family years ago, when she hit jack in the face with a hockey stick when they lived in toronto. which meant that becca was blood, in kaileys book.

"if you so dare lay a fucking finger or raise your voice ever so slightly, i will make your lives hell." she threatened the boys, making eye contact with the three to make sure they knew how serious she was. they nodded, swallowing hard. she made he most eye contact with jack, because he always had some 'witty' comeback to becca. he stayed silent. they walked in and made their way over to kailey who was confused and shocked that they were here. "thankgod you're safe." luke said sitting down next to her and pulling her into a hug. "where'd you think i was?" she said icily. "i don't know, europe?" jack said right on cue, and becca growled from the kitchen. he sat down on the other side of kailey who just stared at him with a blank expression. she then looked up at quinn, who still had yet to say something. he was livid, beyond belief. he'd been on edge since he got the phone call at 3 am from his parents, who were freaking out. "i don't feel like giving you a stern talking to right now, but don't do that again kailey. don't you ever think of doing that again." he warned and she swallowed, nodding softly. his eyebrow quirked, "yes quinn. i wont do it again. im sorry" she said and he nodded before heading outside to call his parents.

"why did you leave?" luke asked, "we were supposed to have our day together..." he added with a twinge of sadness. the two since they were young, spent the whole day together before they went their separate ways for the semester. as kids, him being pulled to hockey teams and her with soccer and lacrosse. "im sorry lukey, but i didn't want to be upset and alone in michigan any longer." she said not looking up at him. "but you have us?" jack said confused, "sometimes that isn't enough jack." she said sadly before turning her gaze towards the window, that overlooked the chicago river.

◦

november.

the semester was well underway, and thanksgiving break was nearing, she'd soon be heading up to vancouver to spend it with her brother while her parents went to newark. she was walking up the stairs to her floor, with a dunkin iced americano in hand, a bagel while her back ached with a 100 pound back pack. she had a few hours before her and becca would be going out to a bar near campus, where the two could slip in before they started to check for id's.

a few hours later they were slipping inside, ready to party one last time before break. they reached their friend group, saying hi to everybody before heading over to the bar to order a drink. some indie folk country student singer had just begun to sing a song, and kelsey's heart swooned. she started swaying to the song as becca was complaining about a guy she had been hooking up with for a few weeks at that point. "who is it?" kelsey asked looking over at her texts that her friend was showing her, "reichel?" kelsey said with wide eyes and becca nodded. "oh fuck. right." she said turning back to thank the bar tender. "how much?" she questioned and the bartender just pointed to the right of them, and she smiled at the guy. she saluted him with her drink, before turning away with becca. they headed back to their group before the girls wanted to get to the dance floor, which the cute guy that brought their drinks was just walking up as well.

"thankyou for the drinks!" she said over the song as the two found their way next to one another. he nodded, "ofcourse! did my one good deed for the day!" he joked and she blushed, "you used it on me?" she faked fawned, "i feel so honored." she grinned, "maybe you've got one more?" she said cheekily as his eyes lit up. she smirked, plopping his cowboy hat off of his head and slid it onto hers. "your welcome." he smiled twirling her as the two started dancing. "cant help it when i see a cowboy hat, they're a weakness of mine." she hummed before he dipped her.

connor watched from the corner of the bar, as the two danced with each other. him and some of the younger players all decided to go out for the evening, and connor was regretting as soon as he saw her walk through the door with becca. reichel had no idea she was there until, he saw her on the dance floor. in which as soon as he saw, he hurried over to surprise her. "dude just go up to her." vlasic said, his shoulder hitting connors. connor shook his head, "you've been a sad puppy all summer. go!" mackenzie entwistle said and connor sighed, before following the blonde to the bar. "can i get a water?" connor asked the bartender and they went to go fetch a bottle. "connor?" he heard to his left, the soft and angelic voice of kailey hughes. "hi kailey." he said turning towards her, and he saw soft smile begin to form. "hi." she said before taking the seltzer from the bartender, and he took her card to the register. "seems like everybody knew about reichs and becca but me." she said walking up next to him. he nodded, "its been a long and busy summer without you that's for sure." he spoke before he could catch himself. she nodded, taking the card from the bartender. "well uh, i should get back out there." she said pointing towards her friend group and she caught the eye of the guy, she'd been dancing with. his cowboy hat giving his location away. "wanna say hi to the guys?" he questioned and she hesitated, "come on they miss you." and she obliged.

kailey and connor didnt leave eachothers side that evening, spending the evening catching up with one another. connor also being interested in her studies and the semester as much as she was interested in how his season had been going. she also confessed that her brother quinn knew about the because of mackenzie, which earned a few chuckles from the guys. connor, kailey, becca and reichel made there way outside around 1 am and began their descent back to the apartment. but not before becca begged to take a picture of the two next to the sign, that stood outside of the bar. "come on cowboy." kailey hummed and he quickly dipped her; catching her by surprise.

"lets go home now." becca said pushing the two in front of her and lukas.

◦

december.

the long awaited game between the devils and hawks rolled around, with her parents taking a trip to see their kids all in one spot for the evening. connor picked up kailey from her apartment, two hours before puck drop so that her parents could see connor again and so she could catch up with her brothers just a bit too. afterwards, regardless of who won or lost; the hughes family were getting together for dinner with connor. oh, and quinn would be put on facetime at some point too.

"no devils jersey tonight, huh?" luke said with a smirk as he saw the famous chicago jersey, donned with 98. she rolled her eyes hugging him, and then jack came out and hugged her as well. "don't go too hard on him jacky, or i will cut your hair off while you sleep this summer." she joked and jack saluted her, knowing she was somewhat serious. "quinn said he's watching from van, so this game should be interesting." jack joked and she slapped his arm. "mom!" jack said rubbing his arm, and ellen just laughed. "hughesy!" nico called as he walked out of the visitors lockerroom, "heard you were gracing us with your presence tonight." he joked as she pushed her brothers aside to hug the swiss. "can never pass up an opportunity to grace everybody as the best hughes." she said sticking her tongue out at jack who did the same. "well we will leave you to it, we'll see you later. have fun!" ellen said as nico walked away. "choke." was all kailey said, faking a look of seriousness. "buh bye!" luke said pushing her away, and jack flipped her off. kailey puckered her lips, shrugged before turning around and walked to the stands with her parents.

everybody on the broadcast teams, got many shots of the hughes family. and most importantly, the jersey the youngest hughes was donning. she cheered loudly as connor was introduced, she cheered when he scored his two goals, and when the hawks won 3-1 over her brothers. as connor was introduced as the first star of the game, he quickly found where she was sitting and winked at her. she rolled her eyes playfully, before cheering once again. the three waited a bit as the fans filtered out, before she went to find connor and her parents towards her brothers. as soon as she saw connor, his whole face lit up and opened his arms to hug her. "you did so good, hun!" she said softly, before kissing his cheek. he looked down at her, still smiling before pecking her. "lets go find my family." she said pulling her hands in his, and they made their way over towards the visitor's area. "will they be like, upset?" connor asked as they turned a corner. "upset?" she questioned looking up at him. "that we won." he clarified and she giggled. "no, but im sure jack will have a comment to say about you blocking his shot." she teased and she saw connor tense up a bit, "im kidding. besides, my mom has no problem telling him off so you're good." she hummed before she turned and saw her family waiting for her. luke's face lit up, and dawned a smile as he saw kailey come into view. "sick goals tonight." luke said first as they came face to face. "thanks man. your one shift was sick, we were all in awe on the bench." connor responded, and the four guys all fell into a conversation about the game. which meant they were all hyping each other up, or the word jack would use is gassing.

ellen wrapped an arm around her daughter, and smiled once they looked at each other. "i like him." ellen whispered and kailey giggled. "i think you have some competition." kailey hummed as they watched her brothers and dad conversing with the boy she loved.

sure, they may be young but she knew she'd found the one.

◦

the two walked into connor's apartment a few hours later, and quickly got ready for bed. the two found eachother's arms as soon as she got into bed, and looked out at the city lights that were somewhat dimmed from the window tint. "you have fun?" he asked and kailey nodded. "yeah, though im sure my brothers had even more fun." she giggled turning to face him. he smiled down at her, "i think you've got two new fangirls." she added which caused him to laugh. "cheeky." he said kissing her forehead. "i love you." she said and then shot herself in the foot. "well good thing, cuz i never stopped." he said meeting her eye. she smiled, "me neither." she hummed before pulling him in for a kiss.

two star-crossed lovers, one a canadian superstar, and one an american- from a royal hockey family. they would not see the fate that shakespeare wrote about all those years ago, but one that would bring together some of the most powerful and well-respected names in hockey.

"For never was a story of more beautiful, Than this of Juliet and her Romeo,"

◦

@kaileyclara: november 🤍

tags: connorbedard, madisenbedard and beccamurphy

3.4k likes, 66 comments - comments disabled.

─

@trevorzegras: WHAT @alexturcotte: you didnt know? @trevorzegras: how does alex know about everything before me? @kaileyclara: cuz youre bad at keeping secrets t

@jackhughes: chipmunks seriously? @kaileyclara: it was that or the other meme... @jackhughes: i like this one better @_quinnhughes: so glad you're happy blondie @kaileyclara: thankyou q! i am (:

@lhughes_06: you cant dance for shit @kaileyclara: you cant either bud

@connorbedard: had a feeling you were gonna make a meme out of me @trevorzegras: its her love language @connorbedard: so I've learned @kaileyclara: you breathe and it can be turned into a meme i stg @beccamurphy: i mean...

@lukasreichel: I like the brunette @kaileyclara: i think she likes you too bud!

@elblue6: love you two! @connorbedard: love you mama el! @kaileyclara: 🫶🏻 @melanieb: so grateful for you guys! @elblue6: same here, cant wait for our girls trip! @kaileyclara: shes even circled it on my wall calender @melanieb: me too! @madisenbedard: omg she did the same on mine!

@madisenbedard: sister 🥺 @kaileyclara: the one i never had 🥺 @melanieb: we just adore you kailey! see you soon

@kaileysfriend: he doesn't even go here @beccamurphy: connor the student

random ass tags:

@hockeyboysarehot @fallinallincurls @ijustreallylovethem @cuttergauthier @skatesnstuff @why4anne @rowdyhughesy @hugheshugs @huggybug @jayda12 @sc0tters @slafgoalskybaby

#connor bedard #connor bedard blurb #connor bedard imagine #connor bedard fic #oc hughes sister #jack hughes #quinn hughes #luke hughes #chicago blackhawks #new jersey devils #hockey #nhl #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nhl blurb #hockey fic #hockey blurb #hockey imagine

246 notes · View notes

f1nalboys · 3 years

Note

Okay, okay! So I love your poly!Ghostface dark/angst, but I wanna see you do some poly!Ghostface dark/fluff too(if that's a thing?)! Still unhealthy/toxic relationship, but one where their feelings are at least actually true and genuine. Trio vs the World shit. Best Friends to Lovers blah blah blah cause you know Im a slut for that lmao. NSFW too if you're willing 👀

AHH so glad I finally got to this request I'm sorry it took me so long :(( HOWEVER i had fun writing it!! i really hope you enjoy (ps, no smut unfortunately i tried to add it and it was coming out wrong ahhh) flashbacks are italicized!

WORD COUNT: 2352

WARNINGS: toxic relationship, kinda cute moments between the three of you, cursing, little bit of stalking, threats of violence, no nsfw because i was a little lazy sorry :,(

Had someone told you five years ago that you'd be dating not only Billy Loomis but Stu Macher as well, you’d have laughed straight in their face. And yet here you were, curled up on the couch between the two, your legs thrown over Billys and your head resting on Stu’s shoulder, watching a horror movie. You smile softly as you feel Billy’s hand grip your thigh slightly. He never seemed to realize he was doing it which made it even cuter.

“Remember the day I met you guys?” You question, head moving off of Stu’s shoulder when he turns to look at you. He gives you a goofy grin and nods, kissing the tip of your nose. “Sure, baby. Why?”

“Did you think we would have gotten together? Like, back then?”

“Definitely,” Billy says, poking his finger into your side. You raise an eyebrow at him, catching his hand and holding it in your lap. He sighs, grinning slightly. “Alright, maybe not the day we met, but I knew pretty soon. Why? What’s got you thinking about it?”

You shrug, not really sure yourself. Something about the situation you three were in at the moment made your mind drift to those few awful god damn weeks. “You two really sucked then, you know? Honestly, I’m surprised I didn't kill you both.”

Stu gasps, throwing himself back with a hand on his heart. You roll your eyes; ever the dramatic. “You would have hurt us? I can’t believe this… the betrayal!” You elbow him and he sits back up, laughing, and wraps his arms around you, planting a few sloppy kisses onto your neck.

“We weren’t even that bad, babe.” Billy says, eyes widening as you glare at him.

“Not that bad? Do I need to remind you of the first thing you said to me when we met?” You shoot back, sitting up closer to Stu. You had already forgiven the two for how they acted then, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give them a hard time.

The first day you met Billy and Stu, it had started out good. You still didn’t have many friends but that was perfectly okay with you. You were sat in the grass outside one of the buildings where your next class was held, waiting. Thirty more minutes and you got to go to math; yay. You were leaned up against a tree, headphones in, trying to relax, when two men stood in front of you. They were pretty cute. One was tall, wearing a thin sweater and a goofy grin, while the other was shorter with dark hair and a smirk. The tall one's mouth moves and you pull your earbuds out, about to apologize for not hearing him, when the shorter one speaks.

“Pretty stupid to wait for someone to talk to you before taking your headphones out.” His smile was still there but it was clearly masking his annoyance. Your eyebrows raise in surprise at the gall of this dude. You don’t even know him and he thinks he’s owed a conversation?

“Excuse me?”

“What? You’re deaf and a bitch?” The taller one slaps the back of his head immediately and he grumbles, rubbing the soreness. You scoff, shaking your head, fuming. Was it just this dude or were most people here dicks? You didn't want to find out.

You stand, grabbing your bag and pushing past the two, heading towards the building. Your eyes instantly roll into the back of your head when you hear the sound of footsteps behind you. “Hey, I’m sorry about him, really. That’s how he jokes and sometimes it comes across as mean. I’m Stu and he’s Billy.”

Stopping in your tracks you turn to face Stu, the taller one, and take a second to think of a response. Glancing over at Billy, who had finally caught up with you, you can see what resembles regret on his features. “Well, he didn’t come across as mean, he came across as an asshole.”

Stu laughs, nodding. Billy shrugs, giving you that same weak smile he had shown when he approached. You shrug your backpack up higher onto your shoulder, the weight of it starting to get to you, when Billy grabs ahold of it and yanks it off of you. “What the hell? Give me my shit back!”

“Least I can do is to carry it for you. You going to class?” He asks. It’s like he wasn’t taking no for an answer. You give a large sigh and nod, silently thankful for the weight off your shoulders. “Which building?”

“Sycamore.” He nods and begins to walk there, you and Stu trailing behind him. “Is he always so...?” You ask Stu under your breath, trailing off, unsure of a word that could describe the man. He grins and nods. “Annoying? Mean? Stubborn? Yes, yes, and yes.”

Billy groans at the memory, annoyed. He hated when you brought that up. “I told you I was just having an off day! Come on, you’re acting like Stu didn’t offend you too! Do you not remember when you got food with us, like, that night?” Stu punches Billy in the shoulder hard, pissed that he had brought it up.

“Oh yeah! I kinda forgot about how much of a dickhead Stu was,” You say, leaning back against the couch. It really was a shock your relationship with the boys got to where it was now.

Billy and Stu followed you around all day. It seemed they were trying to apologize for Billy’s attitude earlier but, if you were being honest, it was kind of unnerving. After your math class, where they had walked you inside the building and only left when the professor came in, you saw them waiting outside under the tree you had been at.

“Can you guys stop following me?” You had told them the third time you noticed them, this time at the small diner you stopped by after your last class. Stu’s face turned red and he looked behind him as if there was someone else you could be talking about. “Yeah, you two.”

“We wanted to apologize for earlier,” Billy said, motioning for you to join them at their table. You had to choose which one to sit next too and, after your not-so-pleasant meeting with Billy that morning, you sat next to Stu. He sticks his tongue out at Billy who rolls his eyes.

“You already apologized. It’s getting kind of creepy.” You say, placing your elbow on the table. Before the boys could respond, the waitress walks over, placing down their drinks. She flashes you a smile and takes your order, walking off with a sway in her hips, much to the boy's enjoyment.

Stu throws an arm over your shoulder and you shrug him off, ignoring the pained look he gives you. “We just wanted to make sure you really knew we were sorry! Billy here never acts right around a hottie,”

“Stu you fucking idiot.” Billy spits, throwing something at him. Stu laughs, holding his hands up in mock surrender. Billy looks at you and gives you what looks like a real, genuine smile. “Sorry about him; he can’t seem to think with his upstairs brain.”

“Don’t need to when my downstairs one leads me to be sitting next to a smoke show,” Stu says, holding his hand out to you for a high five. Your face flushes and you ignore him, scooting away from him slightly. He was cute, sure, but way too forward. “What? Can’t compliment people anymore?”

“Not when your compliments are preceded by stalking.” You mutter, a part of you hoping he doesn’t hear it. Unfortunately, he does. You see his face change in your peripheral vision and your eyes flick over to Billy. He grins at you, sitting back in the booth, and taking a sip from his drink. He was enjoying this.

“Stalking? You’re fucking with me, right?” His rant is cut short by the return of the waitress who hands you your drink and places the food the boys had ordered onto the table, completely oblivious to your discomfort. She leaves and Stu grabs a fry from his plate, chewing loudly. “We’re not fucking stalking you - trust me, there are better ways to spend our time.”

Billy throws his balled up straw wrapper at Stu, catching his attention, and you let out a soft sigh of relief when Stu’s demeanor changes. He was back to smiling and laughing as if he hadn’t just been attempting to tear you to shreds. “Sorry about that… I’m pretty tired, that’s all.” Stu says, playing with his fingers.

“S’okay, I guess.”

“Why don’t you let us take you on a date? You know, as an apology?” Billy chimes in and Stu grins, nodding. A large part of yourself was screaming no. There was something off about these boys, something dark just under the surface, but you were intrigued. And so you smile.

“Yeah, I guess you two can do that.”

Billy had his arms wrapped around you, laughing at the excuses Stu was stammering out. He was obviously getting frustrated at the memory and you opened your arms to let him join in on the cuddling.

“You know, I really am glad we stuck together. I don’t know what I’d do if it were for our nightly cuddle sessions,” You say, your words muffled by Stu’s sweater. He pulls back and gives you a kiss, Billy swooping in to take one from him as well.

“Yeah, I don’t know what I’d do without our fuck sessions,” Stu hums and you groan, punching him in the shoulder. What a way to ruin the moment. “Wait, let’s not act like you were a saint in all of this! I remember you being pretty awful at one point.”

“What?! No way!”

Billy nods, tickling your sides for a second. “Sure were, babe.”

Two months into the relationship was your breaking point. You really did like, if not love, the boys and yet you were still an outsider. Walking into the shared apartment just for their whispered conversations to stop. Late nights spent in the living room with hushed voices while you tried to sleep. You felt as though you only knew a portion of the two people you had come to like; no, love.

You admit it was petty. It wasn’t the right thing to do in any circumstance, but you did it because you knew it would get a reaction. You had packed a bag and sat in the living room. You wanted them to see you leave. Wanted them to see how much their secrecy had taken. You had been together only a short while and yet you felt so at home with them that the idea of actually leaving, of breaking it off, nearly tore you apart.

The door opens and in enters Billy and Stu, wrapped up in their own conversation. Stu waves at you, carrying on before realizing what he had just seen. “Babe? What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving.” Your voice was confident, not a waver in sight, and you knew it was because you weren’t planning on leaving. Some would call it manipulation, sure, but you were backed into a corner. Stu’s mouth drops open and Billy stares at you, his eyes narrowed.

“What? What do you mean you’re leaving? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Stu rushes to sit down next to you on the couch, not wanting to accept the idea that you were leaving them on your own volition. His arms wrap around yours and you shove him off. “Babe?”

You shake your head, standing from your spot on the couch, grabbing ahold of the bag. Billy was still standing near the door, his arms crossed, watching you. “Don’t call me that. The two of you… It’s like I’m not even in this relationship. I’m an outsider with the two people I love and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.”

“Where the hell is this coming from?” Billy questions, grabbing ahold of your arm when you try to walk past him. His voice is thick and you could see the vein in his forehead throbbing. He was angry and you hate to admit it but that’s exactly what you were hoping for.

For the next two hours the three of you talk about your relationship and the future of it. Stu cried, you cried, Billy sniffled a few times, and then you came to an agreement. No more secrets. They told you things that they hadn't told anyone before that they hid behind a vague threat of ‘once you hear this you’re stuck with us,’ and you told them things you had planned on taking to your grave. To say you weren’t shocked at what they told you would be a lie.

Murder wasn’t what you thought they were capable of and especially not murder so gruesome. But, oddly, you felt better about being with them. They trusted you, loved you, enough to let you know their biggest and darkest secret. And you loved it.

Knowing they wouldn’t hesitate to kill for you was a major turn on, which they soon found out.

“Wow, I really was kind of horrible, wasn’t I.” You mutter as Billy recounts the memory with a few interruptions by Stu. You didn’t remember it that way but the more they talked the more you could tell they were being honest. “Well, good thing we stuck together, hm? Would have been pretty bad if we hadn’t.”

“Yeah because we would have killed you,” Billy whispers into your ear and you shiver. He’s telling the truth and that’s what makes the relationship the way it is; they choose to be with you, to keep you around, to love you. “Yeah, we would have given you a call a while ago,” Stu says, his finger making a slicing motion across your neck.

You roll your eyes not because you don’t believe them but because you do. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

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silverdelirium · 3 years

Note

Hi<3 can you turn the blurb “repay” into a full one shot ?

REPAY (FULL ONE-SHOT) | D.M

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYYYY (draco) also this is kinda mixed with this ask: soft smut for dracos bday where hes a soft dom😩

and this one: Idk if you’re taking requests rn but Draco and overstimulation I’m-

this is kinda long im sorry

summary: sugar daddy draco on his birthday (can kinda be seen as not sugar daddy)

warnings: fluffy draco, oral sex, mirror sex, praising, overstimulating (?) size kink, daddy kink

———

“you all packed up my darling?” asked draco as he walked into the room to see you closing a suitcase. “yes baby, help me bring it downstairs please” you replied, slightly out of breath from trying to organize everything inside.

“of course” said draco, quickly walking forward and picking up the suitcase like a leaf, taking your hand and marching outside the room, down the stairs.

“i feel kinda guilty, i should be the one paying for this, it is your birthday after all” you pouted, head looking down. it was true, you were ashamed that draco was taking you out on his own birthday to paris.

“y/n we have talked about this. you next to me is all i need, besides we’re both enjoying ourselves aren’t we?” he answered rather sternly.

you nibbled on your lower lip and took a deep breath, your face contorting into a smile as you turned to give him a quick kiss.

——

draco palm was placed flat on the small of your back as you made your way up the jet’s stairs.

“woah” you chuckled as you saw the inside, it was huge. thank god for magic you thought as you made your way to a cozy living room, bookshelves against the walls, a door placed at the back which you assumed led to a bedroom.

“you like it?” piped up draco from behind you, making a path to the small kitchen. you eagerly nodded and giggled as you plopped down on the comfortable sofa “yeah, it’s cozy.”

——

you were ushered up by a soft pair of hands lightly shaking you. “darling, we’re here” spoke draco softly into your ear. you gave a hum of acknowledgment and stretched your arms above your head, spine subtly cracking in the process.

eventually, you sat up and watched tiredly as draco held out his hand to you.

you gave him a sheepish smile and took his hand. once you both boarded off the jet you looked behind you with a questioning look.

“what about our luggage dray?”

“that’s taken care of my love. come on, a cab will take us to the hotel”

——

“well, this is it.” stated draco, looking around the huge hotel room with an expecting look.

“draco! this is beautiful!” you beamed, eyes swimming in wonder as you took in the room, humongous bed, a walk-in closet, a door that you presumed led to a suite, huge mirror positioned on the wall in front of the bed, a small couch with a coffee table and tv, and your favorite part, a pair of glass doors that led to the balcony which gave you a clear view of the eiffel tower.

“i’m glad you like it bubs, come on i’ll show you around” smiled draco. dragging you through the whole room. saving the balcony for last.

“oh draco! this is so pretty” you gushed as your boyfriend showed you the balcony of the room, a perfect view of the city. it was truly romantic.

he smiled at you and came up behind you to envelop your waist in his arms.

“it was nothing my love, you with me is more than enough to make a perfect birthday” he said as he planted a few kisses on your shoulder, then leaning his chin on the top of your head to stare at the tower too.

you couldn’t be any happier, draco’s birthday spent in paris was a dream. you truly didn’t know how you could repay him. well, you kinda did.

your face had a mischievous grin as you turned around in draco’s arms and locked yours around his neck. “hi there” piped draco as he looked down at you.

“hi” you giggled as you planted seductive kisses on his chest. “something on your mind darling?”

“just wanna repay you is all, daddy. and a small birthday gift” you said as you pushed him back onto the room. he gave a low chuckle but obeyed and leaned forward, capturing your lips together as you guided him backwards onto the bed.

“baby we don’t have to” he reassured once his back was pressed against the bed, your form straddling him.

“i want to.” you reassured, unbuttoning his shirt and kissing down his chest.

once his shirt was off, he brought you back up, his slender fingers roaming underneath your dress. you moaned lowly when he kissed you again, tongue skillfully roaming your mouth.

now, he was the one rolling your dress up until it was off, pressing kisses down your stomach, a cheeky smile on his face when he saw a cute green lingerie set on you.

“my pretty baby, all for me.” he whispered, more to himself than you. dragging your panties down with his teeth.

“d-daddy- this is supposed to be about you.” you spoke shakily, a gasp emitting from you as he placed small kisses on your throbbing clit.

“just relax princess, i enjoy seeing you like this” he smirked, licking his lips in anticipation before grabbing your thighs and spreading them. then abruptly burying himself in between your legs, a loud moan of yours feeling the room.

his tongue enveloped your clit sensually, eagerly licking off your arousal while you whimpered above him. he hummed against you when his fingers teased your sopping entrance, caressing it.

“oh my goodness- draco!” you whimpered, looking down to see him staring up at you as he inserted two of his fingers, thrusting them in and out at your favorite pace.

you gave a wanton moan when he curled them, grazing your g-spot as his tongue swirled on your clit.

“im close dray!” you cried out, bucking your hips up.

draco mumbled a cum, lowering his mouth to your entrance, ready to lap up your juices.

you gave a loud pornographic moan as you came, muscles tensing and back arching. meanwhile draco released a moan from himself, drinking desperately at your arousal.

your mind was starting to fall into that foggy state after an orgasm as draco helped you get down from it, removing himself from you and slowly rising, pupils dilated when he saw your blissful form.

he leaned down and pressed a slow kiss to your mouth, a passionate one that had you tasting yourself. “so good baby” he breathed, sneaking his hands behind your back and unclasping your bra. letting your tits fall free, he squeezed one playfully in his hand before making quick work of taking the remains of his clothes off.

after giving his tall cock a few strokes, he positioned you so your head was hanging from the mattress, and since the bed frames were quite tall, you were right in line with his throbbing cock, tip red and oozing pools of pre-cum.

“think you can take it my pretty girl?” he questioned softly, knuckles brushing your cheeks. you gave a small yes and opened your mouth in anticipation.

draco chuckled at your eagerness and grabbed ahold of his cock, slowly inserting it into your mouth, a moan slipping from the feeling of your wet and warm mouth, your tongue already grazing his tip and lightly tracing the base.

you retrained a gag when he hit the back of your throat, your arousal now dripping onto the sheets despite your previous granted orgasm.

“shit baby” moaned draco as he saw the bulge that was formed in your throat, his thick cock outlined. “gonna play with this pretty pussy yeah?” he said, even though it wasn’t really a question, considering his fingers were already toying with your clit while he rolled his hips into your mouth delicately, careful not to overdo anything, yet.

you gave moan as he played with your clit with his thumb, ring and middle finger teasing your entrance, drenching the tips with your arousal.

draco shivered at the vibration and slipped his fingers inside, your hips bucking up to search for more friction. he started to thrust at a slightly faster pace, keeping his ears perked up in case you made a sound of discomfort. at the same time increasing the rhythm of his scissoring fingers, making sure that he was teasing your g-spot.

the room was full of moans and sometimes whimpers from the both of you, a gurgling sound accompanying it when draco gave a bit of a harsh thrust.

his thumb soothed your aching clit in figure eights, trying to get you closer to an orgasm as his balls flexed up, high at its peak.

it seemed to work, considering the way your thighs tried to close and a small wail came from you. and at the same time, you both came. his tip shooting cum down your throat, while your cunt made a mess on his fingers, much to his delight.

draco brought his free arm to pick your head up, still drawing out your orgasm with the other.

you sat up and immediately swallowed his load, then rapidly gasping as you searched for air.

giving a small whine when you felt his fingers slowly dragging out.

“you did amazing doll” spoke draco, leaning down to kiss your cheek, while his nails lightly scratched you belly in an attempt of calming your shaking legs from two orgasms in a row.

he softly moved you to lay in the pillows, making sure you were comfortable, he positioned himself above you once again and a familiar cocky smirk decorated his face.

you squinted your eyes in suspicion but said nothing. watching as he grabbed his wand from the nightstand and with a flick of it, a vibrator appeared mid-air.

“wha-”

“shh baby, you deserve an award after making daddy feel so good huh?” he teased, lifting his eyebrows quickly in a suggesting manner.

your eyes glinted with lust as you took in the toy. so you gave him a small smile and said, “yes daddy”

“good girl” he smiled, leaning down and delivering a sweet kiss to your lips.

he grabbed ahold of his once again erect cock and wasted no time, inserting himself in one go. making you cry out and toes curl. he set a decently fast pace and thrusted into you.

“mhm scream my name baby” he growled, turning on the vibrator and pushing it against your clit. “ah! dr-draco” you complied, back arching off the mattress as you squirmed underneath him.

“this pussy is mine, all mine” he said through clenched teeth, turning the vibrations higher.

“yes! all yours daddy!” you whined out, overused cunt clenching his cock and making him let out a groan, the pace faster but still passionate. hitting your g-spot every time.

it didn’t take you both too long to cum. after draco’s powerful thrust, the vibrations, it was too much for you, causing your orgasm to near faster. “daddy! im so close” you whimpered.

draco saw the way your face scrunched up in pleasure, the way your breasts bounced all over the place and how your pussy drowned his cock in arousal, making him give you a rapid nod. “me too sweetheart”

he turned the vibrator to the highest setting, and that sent you over the edge, coming without a warning. your loud cry silenced by a pair of lips.

draco’s hips stilled and he went as deep as he could go inside you, aiming his cum inside you. marking you as his.

you both detached from the kiss with a layer of sweat covering your skin, breathing heavy and messy.

he turned the vibrator off and chucked it aside, collapsing on top of you. “you’re fucking amazing” he breathed into your neck.

you wanted to thank him, kiss his head. but draco himself cut you off before you could even open your mouth, dragging your shaking body up to a sitting position and slightly forward, him moving behind you and letting you see your freshly-fucked state in the huge mirror.

in draco’s eyes you were nothing but a goddess, the most beautiful thing he could’ve ever come across. in your own, you were nothing but a hot mess.

“look at my baby, so so beautiful” he breathed out from behind you, hands wrapping around your waist and lifting you up until your sensitive pussy was in line with his somehow still hard cock.

“you’re gonna let me use this pussy again baby? look at how puffy it is for me” he taunted hands snaking to travel down and collect the forming wetness.

you shuddered at that, but still manage to babble a, “mhm” wanting him to feel the best he could tonight. and you would be lying if you said you didn’t want it.

“my big girl” he mumbled, kissing your neck as he lowered you onto him.

you cried out at the feeling of how he completely filled you up, draco groaning too.

“s-so good, daddy. you fuck me so good” you babbled, his fast yet soft strokes hitting the best places inside you.

draco’s hand reached up and squeezed your tit, still thrusting up inside you. “faster!” you moaned, thighs wet with both of your juices.

“who knew my baby liked it so rough huh? can barely take me like this.” he hummed, one of his fingers trailing to press the bulge that was formed on your stomach, his thick cock outlined faintly.

you shuddered as a few tears leaked from your eyes, the pressure amplifying the sensitivity and pleasure.

but he complied, leaning forward, therefore making your tits pressed against the silk sheets, a moan tumbling out when your nipples grazed them. he brought his hands back to press down on your back, arching it to its furthest, giving him perfect access to fuck you like he wanted to.

and he set and almost bruising tempo, massaging his hands on your ass, blinded by lust when he saw it jiggle.

“yes! right fucking there!” you sobbed, eyes connecting to his through the mirror. he smirked back at you and reached for the vibrator behind him, turning it on.

draco gave you a questioning look while holding up the toy, waiting for your nod of consent, which you gave rapidly.

“gonna have you making a mess on me princess” he groaned, still thrusting as he connected the vibrator to your clit.

you gave a scream at the sensation, more tears pouring out.

the room was once again filled with the obscene sound of wet skin against each other, moans accompanying it, plus a buzzing from the toy.

“oh shit, i’m close my love” purred draco from above you, still keeping eye contact through the mirror. “me too!” you babbled, spit running down your chin.

yet you weren’t really sure if you were even gonna cum, this feeling was much more intense than the usual orgasm.

“cum for me lovie, make a mess on me”

and you did, with a big moan you squirted all over him, draco’s hungry eyes enjoying the sight.

and that was more than enough to make him cum, giving sloppy thrusts and removing the toy as he came inside you for the second time that night.

you flopped down on the mattress, cheek pressed against the sheets. draco carefully pulled out, your pussy blowing out the cum.

“you never cease to amaze me baby” he whispered, getting up and heading to the suite to prepare a bath. you didn’t really hear him, mind too fuzzy and body trembling.

he came back after a few minutes, rolling you onto your back. “you’re my best birthday present sweetheart, i truly couldn’t have asked for something better” he said, leaning down to kiss your forehead as he took you into his arms.

he set you down on the tub filled with warm water and bubbles. “i had a present for you on my suitcase” you said timidly, expecting him to be mad since he asked you not to buy anything.

“gorgeous you didn’t have to, but thank you” he sighed, giving you a reassuring smile and climbing behind you. a nice dinner on the fancy restaurant across the street awaiting you both in about an hour, thanks to your reservation.

though you weren’t sure you could even stand up.

———

🏷: @spencervera @methblinds @marrymetheonott @adrianscumslut @wh0re4blaise @turn-to-page-394-please @fredshufflepuff @malfoysbiitch @saggyb1lls @helleli @metaraxia @daddybutmakeitagirl @dracomalfoys-wh0re @dlmmdl @fleursbabe @riddleswh0r3crux @lolooo22 @darlingmalfoy @littlemissnoname13 @i-love-scott-mccall @underappreciated-spoon-321 @steveharringtonswhore @dracosafety @dracoscum @riddleswh0rekrux @laceycallist @slytherinbabess @lostaurorax @alexavolturisblog @harrystellastyles

#draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy smut #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy one shot #draco malfoy #draco malfoy fic

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oneprompt · 3 years

Note

ITS ME AGAINN HI LOVE!! I love your writing I cannot resist <3. Maybe, a one night stand with ace ? (Nsfw I’m down bad yes….) and female reader. it’s kind of like the typical one night stand, you meet somewhere and things get heated quickly…. BUT ALSO LIKE you’re literally the best he’s ever had and he’s pretty surprised UMM IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE 😭😭 IK IM KIND OF AWKWARD HAHA but I hope you’re having a good afternoon 🧡

authors note: hello , dolly <3 im deeply sorry for doing this so late ;; hopefully this makes up for the wait... please indulge yourself to the fullest + i just realized how short this is .. my apologies ;; i’ll make sure to make your next request the best i possibly can ..

NSFW WARNING BELOW , DO NOT READ IF SUCH A TOPIC IS DISCOMFORTING.

Ace x F! Reader , One Night Stand Oneshot

tags : ( brief mentions of ) alcohol , vaginal sex , rough sex , ( brief + slight ) masochism

All it took was a few cups of vodka to have you two landed upon each other, limbs tangled up, pleasure coursing through your veins. It had all happened so fast, you could hardly remember what had happened.

You merely attended a party full of different crews, a banquet of sorts. Not a fancy one, no. A fun one, one that disregarded the need for cotton shirts and newly shined shoes. you had met Ace, chatting up a storm with the young man. Well, less chatting and more so flirting. Wether it was through seductive purrs or the occasional rub of a palm against his scorching skin. You two didn’t bother to hide your shameless flirting throughout the party. Not that it was a huge deal, most people went there trying to make their way into the pants of others

You had no shame as you and Ace went off to a more private area. I mean, what was there to be ashamed of? Who didn’t want to sleep with Fire Fist Ace?

And now, you laid down upon your stomach, Ace’s hands wandering your body. One spread out your soaking hole, your greedy pussy dripping with excitement. His other hand stayed gripping your hip tightly, preventing you from squirming away.

“You’re so wet, Y/n... what’s that all about?” Ace cooed out in a rather teasing tone, showing zero regards for the blush that perked upon your cheeks after he said that. He knew exactly what it was about, he just wanted to hear you say that.

You buried your face further into the depth of the pillows that laid atop of the bed sheets. “You know exactly what that’s about,” you huffed, which caused a raspy laugh to fall from Ace’s well sculpted frame. You could just tell what face he was making, just from the tone of his voice. An endless plane of smugness splayed across his freckled features. What a dick.

You were about to snap back with a snarky remark but your thought process was cut off as soon as you felt a sudden sense of fullness intrude the depths of your cunt. God, he was big. Was he in all the way? You couldn’t help but wonder. Part of you hoped so, as his dick was already pressed firmly within you but you also couldn’t help but wonder what pained pleasure could come from it being even larger.

A loud moan was swallowed by the pillows your face was pressed into, the cotton absorbing the noise you made as Ace slammed balls deep into your warmth. He was far bigger then you could’ve imagined. But again, what should you have expected from the son of the late Pirate King? You should’ve expected nothing but the best.

You continued producing lewd noises, ones that consistently were swallowed by the pillows. Ace really didn’t hold back, never ending the blunt force of his hips, his hips quaking desperately to fill you with every inch of him. You felt so god damn good, the way your insides clutched upon his shaft made Ace’s body tremble with ecstasy everytime he pulled back to push further in.

You were so good, almost too good. You were merely a one night stand, a woman who could surely extend into a friend after this night. Just a friend and nothing more. Well, that’s what Ace had planned. Ace wasn’t low enough to have sex with a girl and never speak to her again but he had planned to just become your friend, nothing like a boyfriend or anything of the sort. But with the way you writhed and tightened on him, it was giving him second thoughts. You were far too delicious to only feast on once, he knew that.

The view of your ass shaking with the needless pounding of his dick was a view he couldn’t pass up. Everything about you was perfect. The moans you let out were painfully erotic and the way your body was highlighted with sweat was far too sexy for him to ignore.

Perhaps... you’d be happy enough to be his fuck buddy or better, his partner. Ace wasn’t sure about status yet but all he knew was that he couldn’t let you go, he couldn’t let this type of sex slip through his fingers so easily.

And so, he didn’t. Even if it was just for tonight, Ace would use you to the fullest, pumping your pussy full of his musky semen, filling you to the brim. You were too good, certainly the best woman he had ever done such a thing with, upon all of his voyages.

And you were so hot. Everything about you made him go crazy, it seemed. It was that way even as the night was young. The way you fluttered your lashes at him as your hand would playfully collide with his shoulder made him tent in his pants every so slightly. You were too much for him. Ace wanted you more then anything. The thought of you screaming his name through the entire night never ceased to be. When you approached him in your rather skimpy outfit, Ace could only imagine bending you backwards upon the bar, taking you then and there. Now, he could. And there was no way in hell he would pass up the chance to milk this.

Even if he wasn’t aware, the feeling was just as mutual. You had been purposefully rubbing up on him all night, wether accidentally letting your thighs rub against Ace’s as you would get up to talk to your friends or placing your hands on his arms to ‘feel’ his muscles and inspect his tattoos. All of that had made your crotch ace and drip, every inch of him was infatuating to you. You couldn’t believe Ace would even do such a thing with you.

Many women could only imagine being plowed by Portgas D. Ace, son of Gol D. Roger. And you were one of the few women to have him inside of you, that feeling alone was electrifying. You could only imagine the jealous glares you’d receive if anyone found out. Part of you wanted that, yearned to see people jealous over you, over the fact you were drenched with Ace’s cum and repeatedly rocked back and fourth by his girthy dick.

“Ace!” You cried out, throat growing dry and tight from the strong strain of your vocal chords. This was too much for you, it felt so good. The way Ace used his hips with euphoric, he was one of few men who knew what to do with their bodies, surely. It was magical, running from your overstimulated brain to your curled toes. “I think...i’m going to cum!” You whimpered our, voice filling the room, pillows no longer capable of containing the beast.

Beads of sweat dribbled down Ace’s well built chest, grazing the hues of his nipples. He looked down at your body, feeling your walls close upon him, squeezing him as if they were yearning for his seed.

The sensation of Ace’s thick cum shooting into you triggered something deep inside of you, breaking your self control in two pieces. The way it reached your deepest parts made your eyes roll back, long lashes dotted with hot tears.

Your fluid coated his dick, slinking it’s way downward to his balls. Your arousal painted his shaft and the sheets that held you two, becoming damp with both sweat and cum.

Ace hadn’t bothered to pull out, yet didn’t move. The room was merely full of nearly eternal panting and gasping, shaky breaths acting almost endless. It took you quite a bit to muster up the energy to speak, your brain still rendered useless from all the pleasure.

“That was amazing...” You looked back at Ace, giving him a tired smile. Your heart sunk as you noticed Ace smirk widely, snickering ever so slightly. Oh boy....

“Who says we’re done, Y/n?” Ace whispered huskily, pushing his black curls backward, wiping sweat from his brow as he stared down at your nude form.

#one piece #one piece x y/n #one piece x you #one piece x reader #one piece reader inserts #one piece smut #portgas d ace x reader #portgas d ace x you #portgas d ace #portgas d. ace #ace x you #ace x y/n #ace x reader #smut fanfic #ace smut #fanfic #oneshot #one piece imagine #one piece imagines

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

Text

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part Four (Harry Styles)

a/n: happy TLABL day!! can’t believe we are already on part 4! im not sure if part 5 will be the last part, im still very much writing the rest so we’ll see! thank you so much for all the love you’ve been showing the series, i love reading your reactions! feedback is very much appreciated this time as well!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

You wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck or at least consumed a whole bottle of tequila. Your head is pounding and it’s probably with all the crying and stress, so you are quick to take some pills to ease the pain. Sitting on the edge of your bed you stare ahead of you blankly, trying to gain power to start the day.

Though today is Sunday, so you are not working, you’re still worried to face Harry after whatever it was that happened last night. What were you thinking, kissing your boss out of the blue? And what was he thinking kissing you for the second time? It kind of feels like a dream, but you know it really did happen.

You try to stay in your room as long as possible, avoiding to face Harry, but soon enough you can’t postpone it any longer, because you are starving. Peeking out of your room you hear voices coming from downstairs and as you reach the stairs you recognize not just Harry’s and Izzy’s voice, but Niall’s as well.

Arriving downstairs you see Niall and Izzy sitting on the stools at the kitchen island while Harry is cleaning the dishes after their breakfast probably. He is wearing a pair of light-washed jeans and a black hoodie, the sleeves bunched around his elbows. He looks so casual and yet just looking at him makes your heart skip a beat. You are in some big trouble.

Niall spots you first and he perks up waving in your way happily.

“Good morning, Y/N!” he beams, his accent sounds so comforting in such a stressful moment, for some reason.

“Hi, good morning,” you breathe out. Harry turns around, his eyes fall on you and a shiver runs down your spine. He just looked at you and you already want to run away and hide in your room a little longer.

“Morning,” he greets you with a nod before turning back to the sink to finish the dishes.

“Daddy and Uncle Niall are taking me to the park! We are picking Yara up too!” Izzy shares the news with you excitedly.

“Oh, that sounds great!” you smile at her, giving her cheek a gentle pinch before moving to the fridge.

“Do you want to come?” she invites you and your eyes immediately flicker over to Harry who looks at you the exact same time, making your stomach drop right away.

“Um, I have some work to do, maybe some other time,” you smile at Izzy, grabbing yourself a yoghurt and a banana before shutting the fridge closed.

“So how was yesterday?” Niall asks and you freeze. Does he know what happened? Did Harry tell him about last night?

Niall sees your frightened look to which he shoots you a confused one.

“The wedding, Harry told me earlier you had a wedding yesterday.”

“Oh, it went… fine,” you nod shortly, peeking at Harry who is now staring down at his feet awkwardly. This was starting to get painfully ridiculous, the two of you dancing around each other, pretending like you weren’t down each other’s throats just a few hours prior.

“Alright, let’s leave, we need to pick Yara up in twenty,” Harry claps his hands. Izzy jumps off the stool and takes Niall’s hand as they all head out of the house. “We’ll probably have lunch somewhere and then go grocery shopping, so we’ll be away for a while,” he informs you without looking your way before leaving without even waiting for any reaction from you.

Yeah, this was straight up the most awkward conversation you’ve had in a long time.

“Here, Izzy. Play some games on my phone!” Niall passes his phone to her with a sweet smile, but Harry smacks his bicep.

“What are you doing? She has enough screen time already!”

“Yeah, but I needed her to be busy so I can ask you what the fuck was that in the house.”

Harry curls his lips into his mouth, his eyes glued to the road ahead of him as he tries to come up with a good answer, but he knows he could never fool his best friend.

“Don’t stop, even if she is busy with the phone,” Harry scolds him, glancing at Izzy through the mirror, but she doesn’t seem to be listening to them. Niall rolls his eyes, but lets his words uncommented. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Oh, you exactly know it. You and Y/N were like scared little bunnies around each other. She looked like she was about to faint any moment when you looked at her.”

“Maybe she was just tired,” he shrugs, but Niall laughs at his weak attempt to fool him.

“Now tell me the real reason, I know something happened.”

Harry chews on his bottom lip, debating whether he should come clean or not, but he knows Niall won’t leave him until he finally tells him so he is not left with many choices.

“We kissed.”

“What?!” Niall snaps, a little louder than Harry expected, his voice makes him flinch. “Sorry, that was a little too dramatic, but what the fuck? Why were you keeping this from me?!”

“Because I knew this is how you’d react,” Harry mumbles under his breath. “And… I don’t think it will ever happen again.”

“What do you mean?”

“The whole thing was a mess,” Harry sighs. “She came home late, pretty upset because she met with her ex at the wedding.”

“The one that cheated on her?”

“Mhm. The dude was an asshole and… she was crying in the kitchen when I came down. We sat on the couch, talked, I tried to calm her down and all that and then… she kissed me.”

“Wait, she kissed you? Wow, she’s got balls!” Niall laughs.

“Yeah, but it was, like, really short and she pulled back, shocked at herself for doing it. I think it was just all the emotions that got her a little confused. But then she tried to apologize and… and I kissed her.”

“What?! Oh my God!” Niall’s mind is blown and he doesn’t even tries to hide his excitement hearing the news about last night. “Was there tongue?”

“Jesus, Niall!” Harry scowls. “I’m not sharing the details with you.”

“Okay, but was it like a solid, short kiss or you guys went right at it?”

Harry doesn’t answer, but it tells enough about the situation and Niall can’t help but whistle as he claps his hands.

“Stop acting like a horny teenager, Niall,” Harry growls rolling his eyes at his friend.

“So you guys snogged, what’s the matter with that?”

“It got awkward. We just pulled back and I think we both were pretty shocked about it and… she just stood up and said that she is going to bed. End of story. And then you were there in the morning, so… yeah.”

“Tell me why the hell we are heading to a playdate then when you should be talking to her?” Niall asks, arching an eyebrow at Harry.

“There’s not much to talk about. It just happened in the heat of the moment, that’s all,” Harry shrugs, but deep down he knows it’s a blatant lie. At least on his side.

Unlike you, who fell asleep right away, Harry spent about an hour lying in his bed wide awake, not able to think about anything else but your lips on his. He replayed the whole thing in his head about a million times, he was starting to feel ashamed of it, but he just couldn’t stop.

Your abrupt leaving left him puzzled and he thought long and hard about why you felt the need to run away. The only thing that made sense to him is that you regretted it the moment it happened, that it really did just happen in the heat of the moment so Harry thought it’s best to act like it didn’t even happen.

“Please don’t be an ass and just… talk to her. We both know we can never know for sure what a woman thinks about. You can’t just assume and think that your assumption is one hundred percent right.”

“I find it funny that you’re such an expert in this stuff, but you haven’t had a stable relationship since like, we finished college,” Harry scoffs as he takes the corner and starts driving down the street to Yara’s moms’ house.

“Me not having a relationship doesn’t mean that I’m not good at them. It’s a choice,” Niall smirks.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“But back to the topic, you wanted to kiss her, right?”

“I mean, yeah? It kinda threw me off as well, but it was… nice.”

“Please don’t refer to a kiss as nice again,” Niall gags, but Harry just chuckles at him. “A kiss is hot, passionate, pant tighteni—“

“Okay, that’s enough!” Harry cuts him, earning a cackle from him.

“Just talk to her, don’t be a pussy.”

“I really do need better friends,” Harry mumbles under his breath as he pulls up to the driveway.

You really didn’t feel like staying home alone in that big ass house so you invited yourself over for an early dinner to your mom’s. You haven’t been over since the little fiasco with Trevor so you thought it might be a good idea to spend some time with them. Trevor said they’ve been trying to keep the fighting down to the minimum and not let it turn into a screaming match, so your speech worked after all.

It’s past three o’clock when you leave, no sign of Harry or Izzy and you feel like they won’t be back for a while either, so you lock everything up and head out.

You have a genuinely good time. It’s obvious that your mom feels guilty about her past behavior and is trying to lure you into forgiving her, though you already did that. But you’re happy your little speech worked. At least Trevor can have his peace now.

After dinner your mom disappears in her room and then returns with a nicely wrapped box and you sigh, rolling your eyes.

“Mom, I told you I don’t need gifts.” You give her a look. Your birthday is coming up next week, but you were never the kind to celebrate. You never felt comfortable with all the attention and fuss birthdays come with, so you’ve always liked to keep it down. These past years you didn’t even ask for anything, though your parents never listened and this year doesn’t seem like an exception either.

“Oh hush. You can’t expect me not to celebrate my baby!” she shakes her head, sitting back to the dining table. “And besides, I didn’t pay a dollar for it,” she then adds and now you’re curious what she got you.

Removing the lid of the box you peek inside and your lips immediately part as you see the stack of polaroids inside.

“I know how much you like old photos and when we sold Grandma’s house back in August, I found these in my old room. I got a polaroid camera for graduation, just in time to take tons of pictures of you,” she explains with a soft chuckle as you start going through the pictures from when you were born and the next few years. Whenever you are done looking at a photo you hand it to Trevor so he can take a look at them too.

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep these, mom?” you ask glancing up at her over the stack.

“I took out a few for myself,” she admits with a sneaky smile. “You can have the rest, I know how much you love these stuff.”

“Thank you, mom,” you smile at her, hugging her from the side, feeling touched by this gift.

It’s nearing eight when you arrive back home, the lights are still up and if you had to guess you’d say that Harry is trying to tire Izzy out enough to put to bed, as usual. Walking in, your guess is proven right, the TV is on in the living room while Harry is sitting on the couch, Izzy all over him in her pink pajamas, playing around with his hair like she always does.

“Hi Y/N!” she calls out happily when she spots you.

“Hi Sunshine, did you have a good time today?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I did! And guess what!”

“What?”

“Yara invited me over for a sleepover!” she beams, clearly ecstatic about the invitation.

“That’s amazing!”

“What’s that?” she curiously asks pointing at the gift box in your hands. Harry turns to see you, his eyes falling on the box as well.

“Oh, it’s a gift I got from my mom,” you explain, stepping closer.

“Is it your birthday?” she questions, knitting her eyebrows together.

“No, not yet. But it will be next week,” you admit with a soft chuckle.

“Really? Are you having a birthday party?” she gasps, getting way too excited already. Harry eyes you without a word, holding Izzy by her hips so she is not losing her balance standing on the cushion of the couch.

“I’m not, sorry. I don’t like having birthday parties,” you pout at her apologetically.

“Oh, okay. Can I see what you got from your mom?”

“Izzy, don’t be nosy,” Harry warns her, but you just smile at the curious girl.

“Sure,” you nod, joining them on the couch. You sit on the opposite end than where Harry is, Izzy in the middle as she watches the box in awe. You set it down to the cushion and take the lid off, revealing the stack of photos.

“What are these?”

“They are called polaroids. They are old pictures, taken with a special camera that kind of prints the picture out right away,” you explain to her as she takes the first photo from the top, a picture of your mom holding you as a newborn. She was so young, practically a child herself, yet her pride was undeniable, it shone all over her face. You spot Harry looking at the picture as well over Izzy’s shoulder, still keeping his silence.

“Who are these people?”

“That’s my mom and that’s me as a baby. And… this is my dad,” you hold up another photo that features your dad.

“They really were young when they had you,” Harry speaks up for the first time, surprised by the photos.

“Yeah, they were.”

“What are you going to do with them?” Izzy questions, dropping the photo back into the box as she leans back to lie on Harry’s chest.

“Not sure yet. I might make an album from them,” you shrug. “I really like polaroids, I love that they are one of a kind.”

Izzy nods, though you’re not sure she understood what you meant by that. Fidgeting with her fingers she pushes down a yawn and Harry takes that as a good sign.

“Alright, time for bed, Love. Say good night to Y/N.” He picks her up as he stands from the couch. Izzy waves at you smiling with tired eyes.

“Night-night, Y/N,” she singsongs as Harry carries her towards the stairs.

Putting the pictures back into the box you head into your bedroom too, feeling like the time when you and Harry talk about what happened yesterday will never come. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, so you’ll just let it slip. It happened just in the heat of the moment, didn’t mean a thing, you better forget about it.

After a speedy shower you are getting ready to just go to bed, read some and have a relaxing evening, something you didn’t have the luck to have the day before. But right as you’re about to make yourself comfortable in bed, there’s a knock on your door.

“Hey,” you breathe out as you open it and find Harry standing in the hallway.

“I hope you weren’t sleeping already.”

“No. Come on in,” you invite him inside and he walks in. As he awkwardly stops in the middle of the room you realize he hasn’t even been in here since you’ve moved in. He takes a look around, examining what you’ve done with the room and you feel thankful you decided to put your laundry away just yesterday, so no dirty underwear is littering the floor anywhere.

“How can I help you?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I, erm… I just wanted to clear some things,” he starts, clearly feeling nervous about the conversation and that makes the two of you for sure. Nodding you let him know that you’re waiting for him to carry on. “What happened yesterday…” he starts and your breath gets caught in your throat. “You were very emotional, a lot happened and it was a very confusing moment probably for the both of us. I really like working with you, I’m very happy with the way you’ve been taking care of Izzy and I would hate to ruin it with anything.”

You can feel your stomach dropping even though you were bracing yourself for this version of the situation. It was very likely that Harry would want to keep things professional, like before, but it still makes you feel like shit.

“I’m sorry for stepping over some boundaries, but I really hope that… we can put it behind us and that we can move on.”

He is using his business tone. It’s the same tone he used with Sarah and his assistants and now he is using it to talk about the kiss that happened between the two of you.

“Sure,” you answer quietly nodding. “Moving on sounds… great,” you nod, forcing a smile to your face, but it couldn’t be more fake.

Harry nods as he runs his tongue over his lips, looking around a little awkwardly now that it’s been discussed.

“Alright, then… good night, Y/N,” he nods in your way before heading towards the door.

“Good night, Harry,” you mumble after him as he walks out and closes the door behind him.

As soon as you are on your own, you let out a shaky breath, falling to your bed, lips trembling as you try to even make out what you’re feeling. Because part of you is glad he didn’t make a fuss about it and you didn’t lose your job, that’s great news. But another part, which is vehemently bigger than the first one is upset and sad and… disappointed?

You were hoping it meant something for him, you wanted him to want it, to feel the same craving for you as you feel towards him, because you haven’t really stopped thinking about what his lips felt like against yours, what it was like when his fingers dug into your thigh, how it sent a shiver down your spine when his tongue met yours.

But this conversation just made it awfully clear that he wants nothing to do with you. And it hurts probably more than it should.

Harry doesn’t get too far from your door when he feels the all too familiar pain in his chest he has been forced to live with these past over three years. It’s like something is gripping his heart and lungs in his chest so tight, even breathing is a hard task.

Rushing into his bedroom he closes the door behind him and slides down to the floor as the tears flood from his eyes. The past twenty-four hours have been rough on him, the guilt has been growing immensely since he let himself slip and give in for his desires and eventually kiss you.

It’s not that he didn’t want it. Because he’d be lying if he said it meant nothing to him and that he hasn’t been craving it these past weeks.

But his guilt, this evil little voice in the back of his head wouldn’t let him enjoy it even the slightest.

How dare you kiss another woman after your wife? Are you insane? You don’t deserve to feel this way with anyone else. Not when you were the reason your wife ended up dead!

Heartbreaking sobs escape from his chest as he pushes himself up from the floor and heads into the bathroom. He strips out of his clothes leaving them all in a pile on the marble tiled floor before he steps into the shower and lets the hot water pour down on him, almost burning his skin, but he doesn’t change the temperature, as if he was trying to punish himself. His salty tears mix with the water as he stands still, chest heaving as his vivid memories from that night come crashing down on him all at once.

“Are you giving me the silent treatment now? Really?” Harry sighed at his wife when she failed to answer his question about the whereabouts of his sweatpants. Maggie sat on the bed with the recent maternity book she’d been reading these past days, not even paying her husband a look at his question.

“Mags, for fuck’s sake, I’m not in the mood to play this game right now,” Harry sighed in defeat. Maggie looked up at him, closed the book slowly and put it aside to the bedside table.

“So the question of expanding our family is just a game to you?” she asked calmly, but her anger and disappointment in her husband was soaking through her tone.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“No, you are not talking about anything, because you refuse to have a fucking conversation with me!” she retorted, letting all her bottled up anger out that’d been boiling inside her.

“I already told you that I can’t think about having another baby right now. Izzy is only six, I’m in the middle of a huge project, I don’t have the capacity to think about having another baby, Maggie. I thought I made it clear, why are you still onto me then?”

“Because it’s not something we can put aside for too long! I don’t want to have another baby when I’m in my mid-thirties, but if we go with your plan, we won’t even have another one!” Maggie jumped to her feet, pacing the floor back and forth next to their bed as Harry stood with his hands on his hips, getting irritated that they were fighting over the same thing again.

“I never said we can’t have another baby, but why can’t we wait a little? When Izzy is older and more independent? Do you have any idea how hard it is to take care of a baby and a toddler? It’s a fucking nightmare!” Harry growled rolling his eyes.

“So our family is just a pain in the ass for you?” Maggie questioned, folding her arms on her chest and she was really getting on Harry’s nerves, twisting his words completely.

“That’s not what I said!” he snapped. “All I’m asking for is you to be a little patient and give me some time!”

“I don’t have time, Harry! I want it as soon as possible!”

“Why are you so fucking difficult?” Harry groaned, running his hands through his hair. “Why can’t you wait just… one year at least? Is that too much to ask?”

“And is it too much to ask to focus on your family? We are supposed to come first!” she turned it back around and Harry was not having the dirty games she was playing, putting all the blame on him when she could have been a little more understanding as well. He was feeling like his opinion was put aside and didn’t matter at all.

“You do come first, you don’t have the right to question that.” Harry pointed at Maggie, his blood practically boiling at this point.

“Then why do I feel like work is always more important to you?”

“What are you talking about? You know I’m home as much as I can, but we still need the fucking money, Maggie! Or how do you plan on paying the bills of this fucking mansion?!”

“I don’t need a mansion! I just need my family and that’s all!” she argued, but Harry rolled his eyes at her.

“Well you seem to enjoy this mansion a lot when you sit by the pool and watch movies in the fucking movie theater in your own home!” he snapped back feistily. “Stop acting like I don’t do shit for our family when I work my ass off to provide the best possible life. And all I’m asking for in return is some fucking time before we bring another baby into the picture!”

“You are so fucking unbelievable,” Maggie shook her head as she marched past him, walking away from the fight that just grinded his gears even more.

Just as Harry was about to go after her, he heard the faint crying through the baby monitor. Groaning he headed into Izzy’s room and as he took her out of her crib, he heard the front door open and shut.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry, did we wake you up?” he cooed, hugging the crying little girl to his chest who clung onto him immediately. Even at such a young age, Izzy was already a daddy’s little girl.

Soon her cries died down to just little hiccups as Harry soothed her, patting her bum and back gently as he moved around the room. Holding Izzy in one arm he grabbed his phone with his free hand and typed a message to his wife.

Harry: Where did you go?!

Maggie: I’m going over to my sister’s. Don’t wait up, might get home late.

Harry couldn’t help but roll his eyes. She called him out for running away from the conversation, but when they were finally talking about it she just decided to disappear when it didn’t head in the direction she wanted, seeking comfort at her sister, as always.

He managed to lull Izzy back to sleep, putting her back to her crib before going back to the bedroom. As time passed by and he calmed down more and more he wished Maggie was home so they could talk about it without jumping at each other’s throat. There had to be a compromising way to solve the situation that would be fine for the both of them.

Harry: Please come home and let’s talk about it.

Maggie: So you can bite my head off again?!

Harry: Mags, please. You have to understand my point of view too!

Maggie: I understand it, but I don’t agree with it. And you don’t seem to understand mine…

Harry: I do, but there are more things to consider. Please come home, I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone!

Maggie: Okay, I’m heading home now.

Harry put his phone down to the nightstand with a long sigh, already tired from everything that happened that day and he knew this conversation would be a hard one too, but they needed to be on the same page when it came to their family.

It was late getting late and Harry grew a little more restless with each passing moment. Paisley, Maggie’s sister lived about thirty minutes away from them and it’d been forty minutes since she sent her last text. At first he figured she maybe stayed and talked for a little longer with Paisley, or stopped for some fast food which he knew she liked so much whenever she was upset, but when an entire hour passed by he was getting worried.

He kept sending her texts that didn’t even get delivered and when he tried to call it went straight to her voicemail. Harry was losing his shit so he decided to call Paisley to see if she knew anything about her.

“She hasn’t arrived home yet?” she asked, clearly surprised.

“No, and she is not answering my calls and texts. When did she leave from yours?”

“A long time ago. Almost right away when you texted her to go home.”

“Fuck,” Harry breathed out, anxiously pacing the floor as he held the phone to his ear. “Okay, can you please call your parents in case she went there for whatever reason? I’ll try her friends.”

“Yeah, sure. Let me know if you got a hold of her,” Paisley told him before they ended the call.

Harry was scrolling through his contacts, trying to decide who Maggie would go to first in this situation and just as he was about to call the first person, his phone started ringing with an unknown number.

“Hello?” he answered the call unsurely, his heart beating fast in his chest as he stood in the middle of the room.

“Mr. Harry Styles?” a male voice asked on the other end.

“Yes, it’s me. Who am I speaking to?”

“I’m Officer Field speaking. You were listed as the emergency contact for your wife, Margaret Linn Styles.”

Blood rushed out of Harry’s face faster than he could even process what was happening. He stood completely frozen, his hands were getting clammy as he started sweating as if he just ran the marathon.

“What happened?” he asked weakly, barely even finding his own voice.

“Mr. Styles, I have bad news…”

Harry makes his way down to the entertainment room, walking like a zombie, only thinking about the bottle of vodka that sits in the minibar down there. Following his skin burning shower he tried to go to bed, but his head was starting to spin from everything that’s been swirling in his mind and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop it if he didn’t numb himself somehow. Unfortunately, his only way of doing it has been drinking, nothing seemed to help him the way alcohol did and though he knew he should never solve any of his problems with drinking, he still couldn’t help himself sometimes. When the pain was growing immensely, taking over his whole body, he chose the easiest way to get rid of the guilt or at least stop himself from… feeling.

Grabbing the bottle from the mini fridge he snatches himself a glass as well, not drinking straight from the bottle at least, and plopping himself down to the couch he pours a generous glass, drinking it without any chaser.

He winces as the alcohol burns down his throat, but at least it’s a different kind of pain, that takes the focus away from the one he is feeling in his chest.

One glass chases the other and since he is not particularly used to the heavy drinking, he is more like the ‘let’s nurse this pint for an hour’ type of guy, the raw vodka kicks in pretty quickly.

But he is not the only one who can’t fall asleep tonight.

You tried everything in your power to end your misery and finally fall asleep, but your mind and body was plotting against you and made you toss and turn until you couldn’t take it any longer. Making a good cup of tea seemed like a good idea, so you headed down the kitchen.

As you round the corner after the stairs and you’re about to walk into the kitchen, you notice how the lights are on down in the entertainment room. You stop in your tracks and try to think back if anyone was there before you went upstairs, but you don’t think it was the case.

You figure since there are only two adults living in the house, it must be Harry down there and right now, facing him doesn’t sound like a good idea, so you decide to leave him be, but that’s when you hear the voice of some kind of glass breaking, followed by a heavy accented cursing and it changes your mind right away.

“Harry?” you softly call out as you walk down the stairs, not sure what to expect down there. He is crouching down, his back in your direction as he is trying to get the pieces of the broken glass up from the floor, but he is too disoriented to succeed in the task and it’s obvious that an injury is deemed to happen sooner or later.

“Harry, you’re gonna cut yourself!” you warn him, and walking over to him you pull him up from his squatting position and when he looks at you is when you realize that he is drunk out of his mind.

“Y/N, oh shit, did I—Did I wake you up?” he slurs, knitting his eyebrows together as he tries to focus his vision on you.

“You didn’t, but let me just—Why don’t you sit down for a moment while I clean this up, huh?” you suggest, pulling him towards the couch, making him sit. He falls to the cushion like dead weight, letting out a tired sigh while you rush to get a broom and a dustpan to get rid of the broken glass on the floor as fast as possible before someone cuts themselves.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he breathes out closing his eyes.

“It’s okay. I’ll just clean it up quickly,” you assure him, getting down to business.

“Not about the g-glass. Well, about that as well…”

“Then why are you sorry?” you ask, as you sweep the shards onto the dustpan and throw them into the closest trashcan.

“About being… a pain in the ass,” he hiccups.

“You are not a pain in the ass,” you chuckle softly as you sit beside him.

“I am. I fucked things up,” he nods with a painful expression all over his handsome face.

“What do you mean?” You know you shouldn’t make him talk in this state, but you can’t help your curiosity. It seems like drunkenness makes his tongue run wild and you are desperate for the tiniest crumble of information about what’s going on in his head.

“I just… I kissed you,” he breathes out, his eyes popping open, but he is staring at the ceiling, not you.

“And?” you ask, trying to act cool, though your pulse is rapidly increasing.

“And I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh.” You lick your lips and try not to show how much that hurt. But even drunk, Harry notices the disappointment in your tone. His glassy eyes snap over to you and his face falls right away.

“That’s not how I mean it!” he gasps, reaching for your hand and you’re surprised by the sudden physical touch, but it feels kind of nice, so you let him hold your hand between his arm palms. “It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it, because fucking hell, it was amazing!” he bluntly tells you and you can already feel the heat crawling up your neck.

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Then why did you tell me all of that in my room just earlier now?”

Harry pulls his hands back and moves his arms across his face, covering his eyes as he slides down the couch, his legs spreading out in front of him. He lets out a shaky whimper and seeing him like this worries you a lot. Harry is always in control, he has never let him fall apart like this before.

“Because… I don’t deserve to feel this way,” he confesses, confusing you even more. What is he talking about?

“Why wouldn’t you?”

He shakes his head under his arms, biting into his bottom lip as he inhales deeply, like he is trying to keep something inside, something you shouldn’t know about, but now you are desperate to find it out.

“I’m a fucking mess,” he breathes out, letting his arms fall to his sides, but he keeps his eyes closed, shutting you out in a way. “I don’t deserve to have these feelings,” he repeats again and it appears he is more likely talking to himself, rather than to you.

“Harry, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you, because if I did, you’d never be able to look at me again.”

Now he is crying. Tears are rolling down his cheeks and his lips are trembling and you’ve never seen him in such a vulnerable state and quite frankly, it scares you. You knew him to be a strong and stable man, but now he resembles a frightened little boy, so lost in this big world.

“I’m pretty sure it’s not that bad, Harry.”

“It is,” he winces, as if it’s causing him physical pain to even talk about it.

“Harry…” You breathe out and moving closer you place a hand on his knee, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. He turns to face you, his eyes all watered and glistening, he looks so heartbroken, it almost pains you as well.

“Promise me you won’t see me as a monster,” he whispers.

“I-I promise,” you nod, already bearing yourself for the worst, judging from the look on his face.

Taking a deep breath he looks around, as if he is making sure no one else is listening. Then his eyes fall down to his hands in his lap, he fidgets with his fingers, his tongue running along his pink lips before he takes a deep breath and speaks up again.

“Maggie’s death… It was all my fault. I fucking… killed my own wife.”

His voice dies down at the end of the sentence, staring into the void, completely zoned out as you sit beside him, shocked at his words. This was not exactly what you were expecting him to say. Harry starts sobbing again, the hot tears running down his cheeks as he starts crying and panic sets in you. He is so out of his own world, you have no idea what’s happening to him. Rushing over to the mini fridge, you grab a water for him, thinking it might help him at least after all the alcohol he has consumed.

“Here, drink some water,” you softly tell him, taking the cap off as you hand him the bottle. He takes it with a shaky hand and raising it to his trembling lips he takes a few small sips. “Harry, what do you mean it was your fault?” you ask, knowing well you probably shouldn’t push it, but you can’t just ignore what he said.

“Exactly what I said,” he sobs shaking his head vigorously. “It was all my fault, I was a fucking coward and that’s why she died! I could have stopped her! I should have gone after her!”

He is not answering you, not entirely. He is speaking thoughts that have been planted in his head a long time ago and they seem to be on repeat whenever he is feeling down. As much as you want to get more details out of him, he needs to rest, especially because he is working in the morning.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed, H,” you tell him as you stand up and reach out for him to help him to his unsteady feet. It turns out to be a little harder than you expected, but you manage to get him up from his sitting position, and throwing one of his arms over your shoulders you start to walk him up towards his bedroom.

“You fucking hate me now, don’t you?” he slurs, his other hand reaching out towards the wall to steady himself a little more.

“I don’t hate you, Harry.”

“But you think I’m a monster, right?”

“I’m not sure I know enough to think anything about you. This is a conversation we should have when you’re sober,” you suggest and he huffs.

“M’sorry for getting drunk in the middle of the night.”

“It’s alright. But I think you’ll have a mean headache in the morning,” you tease him as you finally reach the upstairs and head down the hallway towards his room.

“You’re a fucking angel, Y/N. You know that?” He just keeps talking and talking and you find it funny how different he is from his reserved and quiet self in this state.

“Am I?”

“Yeah. You are. You are so good to my daughter and to me as well… I really don’t get why your fucker ex cheated on you,” he huffs and you can’t help the smile that tugs on your lips. “What was his name? Kyle?”

“Keith,” you correct him.

“That fucker, Keith!” he spats making you laugh as you push his bedroom’s door open and walk him inside finally. “I bet he had a small dick.”

“Why does that matter,” you chuckle, making him sit on the edge of the bed.

“Because guys with small dicks are always out of touch with themselves. They think they are just better than everyone for some reason.”

“Do you have any scientific research to prove that?” you tease him as you push him down, tugging him under the covers, like a little kid.

“No, I just… know shit,” he sighs, his eyes falling closed the moment his head rests on the pillow.

“Alright. You can tell me more about what else you know when you’re sober. Now get some sleep, because you have work in the morning.”

You make sure he lies on his side as he hums his response. Reaching down you brush his messy curls out of his forehead as he breathes out harshly through his nose, probably about to fall asleep any moment.

Tapping on the screen of his phone on the nightstand you make sure that he has set up his alarm and you see the little alarm clock icon at the top bar so you are just about to walk out when you turn back around.

Seeing how he pushed so many things down inside of him, you’re not convinced he’ll be willing to give you the answers you are looking for. You’re afraid he might talk himself out and give you some kind of bullshit answer, so reaching for his phone you sneakily take his thumb and open the device, all whilst he doesn’t even move an inch.

Scrolling through his contacts you find Niall’s number and send it over to yourself before deleting the message so you leave no trail behind. You set the phone back to his nightstand and head out finally, going to bed as well, right after sending Niall a quick message.

Y/N: Hi! It’s Y/N, I got your number from Harry’s phone. Can you come by sometime tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something.

When you come down in the morning it’s pretty obvious that even though Harry had his alarm on, he snoozed one too many times and now he is in a rush, trying to get everything done and leave on time.

“Good morning,” you greet him and Izzy upon walking into the kitchen. Harry’s head snaps up from the half-made breakfast in front of him and judging by his expression, he more or less remembers what happened last night. “Rough morning?” you ask teasing him to ease the tension.

“Uh, yeah. Woke up a little late,” he nods, finishing up Izzy’s sandwich just the way she likes, without the crust on before handing it over to her. Izzy grabs the plate and marches over to the dining table, quietly munching on her food while Harry quickly tries to make himself a coffee, but he is a hot mess, still in his night clothes when he is supposed to leave in about ten minutes.

“I’ll make you the coffee, go and get changed,” you offer, taking over the machine.

“Oh, thank you,” he nods and for a change, he doesn’t try to argue with you, he just disappears upstairs.

You make his coffee just as he likes and leave it on the counter for him before joining Izzy at the table with your own breakfast. She is babbling about how excited she is for her piano lesson today, because she’s been practicing a lot lately. When Harry appears again he is dressed for work, but still looks a little disoriented.

“Hey,” you softly say as you join him in the kitchen.

“Hey, thank you for the coffee,” he nods, moving around the kitchen.

“No problem. How are you feeling?” you ask, hoping you’re not crossing any boundaries. Harry opens his mouth to answer, but then closes, probably not sure how much he should share, though he didn’t have too much problem with that last night.

“I’m… A little hangover, but I’m… fine,” he nods shortly. “Y/N, about last night, I—“

“We can talk about it later, okay? Don’t stress about it.” You give him a reassuring smile and you can tell he is sort of relieved he doesn’t have to have this conversation right in this moment.

“Thank you.”

“No worries. And I’ll clean up in the kitchen, don’t be late,” you smile at him warmly. You can tell he wants to protest, but he also knows he is running late so he doesn’t have much choice.

“Thank you, I’ll… see you later.”

Storming over to Izzy he presses a kiss to her forehead before grabbing all his stuff and leaving.

Niall texts you back not long after breakfast that he is free to drop by when Izzy is having her piano lesson. You carry on with the morning as usual, trying your best not to dwell on everything that happened last night.

Just as Rosaline and Izzy get settled for the lesson you hear a car pulling up outside and a few moments later the doorbell rings through the house.

“Let’s get one thing straight, is it a booty call?” Niall questions right away as you let him inside.

“It’s good to see you again,” you chuckle, shaking your head at him.

“So no sex is gonna be involved?” he smirks and you know he is just teasing you.

“No, sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh, you can never disappoint me, darling,” he winks at you before walking into the kitchen to serve himself a drink. “So why did you need to see me so desperately?”

“Well, I know I shouldn’t be discussing this with you first, but I feel like I need to know some basic information that Harry might not give me so I thought you could help me out.” Niall nods as he pours himself some soda and joins you at the kitchen island, sitting on the stool next to you. “I uhh—I need to ask how much Harry shared with you about… about me—and, um what—“

“Save the stuttering, I know you two kissed,” Niall cuts you off and you breathe out in relief that you don’t have to be the one breaking him the news.

“Oh, okay,” you nod with an awkward smile. “Yeah, so that happened. And last night he and I had this conversation how we should just keep our relationship professional and all that. We both went our own way but then later I found Harry down in the entertainment room, drunk and basically having a meltdown of some sort.”

“How drunk was he?” Niall asks, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Pretty drunk. He broke a glass and he was… crying and talking about a lot of stuff.” Niall takes your words in as he inhales deeply, just nodding for you to continue. “He started telling me how sorry he was for fucking things up and he was a mess, like a huge fucking mess. Then he told me about how he shouldn’t be feeling the way he does, because he doesn’t deserve it…”

“Jesus…” Niall shakes his head, probably already knowing where this is heading.

“And then he told me that his wife’s death was his fault. That was… pretty intense.”

“I can imagine.”

“I know I have to talk to him about it, but I’m really afraid he might shake it off, but it seems like he is having some serious issues and I wouldn’t want things to get out of hands. That’s why I thought I would talk to you, maybe you know what to do or how to approach him with such a sensitive subject.”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s nice of you for being so considerate,” Niall nods, scratching his chin. “Alright, I’ll tell you what I know, but please also let him tell you if he decides to share it with you.” You nod and turn all your attention to him. “I didn’t find this out until about two months after Maggie’s death, but apparently, the night she died they had a fight. Maggie had been nagging Harry to have another baby, but he wanted to wait a little longer, until Izzy is older so they don’t have two babies at the same time. Harry said they had another big fight about it, said some pretty nasty things to each other before Maggie just stormed out to go over to her sister’s. She made it there, but… never made it back home.”

A shiver runs down your spine at the thought of how devastating it must have been, losing your partner after an intense fight without ever making up.

“Understandably, Harry completely lost his shit. For weeks he was barely functioning and we all knew he was grieving, but we didn’t know that he was blaming himself for what happened. When he wasn’t getting any better we somehow convinced him to go to therapy which luckily helped him immensely, but he stopped going a while ago. I thought he got things straight in his head about this whole Maggie situation, but I guess he is still hung up on that.”

“What about the drinking, did that happen a lot?”

“Not that I know of. I mean, yeah, he got wasted quite a few times, but only at the beginning. I don’t think you should be afraid that he might turn into an alcoholic. I think he is just really struggling right now because of the conflict he is having because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“Yeah, he is clearly very confused about his feelings for you and he has convinced himself he shouldn’t feel this way towards anyone ever, but then you came,” he chuckles softly giving you a knowing look.

“Niall, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” you breathe out, worry and fear slowly taking over your judgment.

“First and foremost just… be patient with him, okay? This is genuinely the first time he has taken an interest in anyone since Maggie and I think he has already taken some big steps, which is a good sign. Try to talk to him and be open, but don’t push him. I know it can be really annoying when he keeps things, but let him tell you everything at his own pace.”

You nod, understanding the importance of not rushing Harry into anything. Just because you want to get over the awkwardness of the current situation, you can’t push him over his own boundaries.

“Okay, I’ll try to do that,” you nod taking a deep breath. “Thank you, Niall.”

“Oh, and don’t let him give you the ‘you work for me, we shouldn’t be doing this’ bullshit alright? He’ll try to make it out to be some kind of business, but it’s not. He needs to get himself out there and I genuinely think you’re the right person to help him with that.”

His words touch you and you’re not even sure how to react. Niall is clearly someone who stands close to Harry and if he thinks that you and him should give it a try, that must mean something. You can only hope that Harry will come around and think the same at one point.

Izzy gets a little fussy by the end of the day and it takes a lot of persuading to get her to bed in the evening. Harry arrived back home on his usual time and because it’s been such a hot day outside, he took her out to the pool. The problem with that is that Izzy never wants to get out of the water, so when Harry said it’s time for dinner she threw a bit of a tantrum as Harry brought her inside and her mood didn’t get any better later either.

You spent most of your night in the living room just watching TV and working on your laptop, updating your schedule for the upcoming weeks and doing some editing. Harry stays upstairs with Izzy for a long time when her bedtime comes and you figure she is still a little moody, but then you eventually hear his footsteps approaching. Harry pads his way into the living room and joins you on the couch. When you glance over at him you know he is trying to find a way to start the conversation you both know you need to have, so you put your laptop aside and turn your attention towards him.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry about last night. I’m honestly so terribly ashamed you had to… see me like that,” he starts, clearly nervous to bring it all up.

“It’s fine, happens to everyone,” you assure him and it’s the genuine truth.

“It’s not a regular occurrence, really. I usually know my limits and try to stay within them. I’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

“Harry, don’t worry about it,” you tell him again with a warm smile. “We can get past it. I think what we really should talk about is… what you said. Do you remember what we talked about?” you carefully ask.

“I do…” he nods, awkward diverting his eyes away from you. “I’m sorry I told you all that in that state, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to just pour it all on you so suddenly.”

“It’s alright.” “No, it’s not,” he protests shaking his head. “I dropped a bomb on you because I couldn’t deal with my own problems the right way, and it’s not okay. So please, just… accept my apology.”

“Okay, I accept it,” you nod.

“And about the whole thing with… What I told you about Maggie…”

“Just know that you don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to. I’m happy to listen whenever you are ready to, but I’m not trying to push you.”

“I know and thank you for that, but I feel like… I owe you an explanation,” he admits and you nod, happy that he is willing to talk instead of closing himself off entirely. “The day Maggie died, we got into this huge fight and she ran off to her sister. It was… a whole mess, we both said things we clearly didn’t mean and I texted her, tried to get her to come home so we could talk things out. That’s when… she was on her way home when it happened and… I still feel like it was my fault.” His voice dies down at the end, just like it did last night when he was talking about her. It clearly left a deep scar on him that’s still not entirely healed and you can’t blame him.

“Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn’t, that it was just all one big coincidence, but all I can think about is that she would still be here if we didn’t get into the fight and I didn’t piss her off so much she felt the need to leave.”

“There was no way for you to see what would happen, Harry. It’s not like you did it on purpose, you had no power over the drunk driver or where Maggie chose to drive home. It really was a coincidence.”

“I know, I mean… I understand, but somehow, my mind keeps telling me that it was my fault.”

“Have you thought about… getting professional help?” you ask, trying to be polite and cautious on the topic.

“Actually, I just called my therapist today to see if… she can fit me in for some sessions,” he admits and you’re surprised at how great he is dealing with the matter. “I feel like I might need some guidance again, before things get out of my hands.”

“That’s great! It really is good to go a bit ahead of problems.”

“Yeah. About us…” he exhales nervously, his eyes meeting yours and you can tell this is the part that’s got him the most anxious. You take this as your queue to take over the conversation.

“Harry, I’m going to be honest with you,” you start and he nods, chewing on his bottom lip. “I… I have feelings for you. You haven’t been the only one making realizations,” you add with a soft chuckle, that brings a smile to his lips as well. “I know that the situation is not quite ideal, but it’s not impossible. But I just want you to be honest with me, do you have feelings for me?”

The conflict is clearer than daylight in his eyes as he is trying to figure out what to say and you really hope he isn’t gonna try to mask his feelings.

“I do,” he then admits and it’s like a giant rock has been lifted off your chest and shoulders. “It’s just… I’m not sure how to deal with it.”

“That’s alright,” you tell him. “Let’s just… take it slow. We’re not in a rush, we obviously have a lot to figure out and that’s completely fine. The pace is completely up to you, I know that you need to get a lot of things straight in your head and I can wait, okay? I’m not going anywhere, I really like where we are now and… I just hope that we can move this forward whenever you feel comfortable with it.”

Harry stares back at you for a moment like you’re some alien creature. Like what you just said wasn’t normal or even human and that’s quite heartbreaking, because somewhere along the way he managed to convince himself that he is not worthy of the most basic decency.

“I-I can’t ask you to wait around while I figure my shit out, that’s not—“

“You’re not asking me, Harry,” you smile at him softly. “This is my decision.”

His eyes are shifting between yours and he is most likely looking for any sign of doubt or qualm, but there’s none, you genuinely meant everything you said.

“So, where does this leave us?” he then asks and you shrug your shoulders.

“Everything goes on like it used to and… whenever you are ready to take a step, just… let me know.”

You can tell he is filled with questions, but he just nods with a weak smile and leaves it at that. This will be a bumpy ride, but at least you are more or less on the same page now.

You haven’t been a big fan of birthday celebrations. You just never understood the big fuss about it, throwing a party for surviving another year? Seems a little weird. This is why you never treated this day any different.

The morning starts off as usual, only that you wake up to a few texts from friends and family, wishing you a happy birthday. Your mom has sent you a whole damn paragraph about how you made her life complete and it wouldn’t be the same without you in it. She does that every time, gets a little too sentimental about it, but you guess it’s because it reminds her of getting old herself as well, which is a sensitive topic in her book these days.

It’s a Sunday, so a day off for you. Coming downstairs you find Izzy and Harry sitting at the dining table, already having their breakfast as usual, but when she sees you, she jumps in her seat in excitement.

“Good morning, Y/N!” she beams with a wide smile, buzzing more than she usually does.

“Morning, Sunshine. Slept well?” you ask as you pour yourself some cereal and join them at the table. Izzy nods and then peeks at her father as if she is trying to hide something with him from you.

“Daddy, can we do it now?” she asks in a whisper, but it’s not quiet enough for you to not hear it.

Your eyes lock with Harry’s over the table and the butterflies in your stomach start dancing around right away when you see the tiny smirk tugging on his lips.

It’s been almost an entire week since your conversation with him and things finally seem to get in place for now. Harry had his first session with his therapist on Wednesday and though you can tell he is still trying to find his own boundaries, he doesn’t worry as much about the situation as he probably did before. He isn’t walking on eggshells around you, unsure how to act. More or less it’s the same as it was before the kiss, but there are tiny little things that still make it different. Stolen glances, lingering touches and sweet smiles are making your days more colorful now and it’s gotten you all giddy and… happy.

“What are you two plotting, huh?” you ask, pointing at them with your spoon before digging into the cereal. Izzy glances at Harry one last time and when he nods shortly, she turns to you and throws her arms in the air.

“Happy birthday, Y/N!” she cheers as Harry reaches over to the chair next to him and pulls up a box from under the table, handing it over to Izzy so she could give it to you. “This is for you!”

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything!” you gasp, truly surprised by the gift. You were not expecting it at all.

“It’s not a birthday without gifts!” she giggles excitedly as she hands the box over. You push your cereal bowl to the side and set the gift to the table in front of you. “Open it!” she urges you, her little hands curled into fists as she watches your every move, as if it was her who just got a present.

Your eyes meet Harry’s green ones over the table once more and he is watching you with a small smile, probably enjoying that he could surprise you.

You pull on the bow on the top and then carefully take the wrapping paper off until the box is revealed underneath and you gas as soon as you realize what this is.

“Oh my God!” you breathe out in disbelief as you take a better look at the gift. Harry didn’t just get you something, he actually listened to what you were saying and remembered that you’re a big fan of oldschool cameras and you have a special love for polaroids. And now, in front of you in the box is your very own polaroid camera, something you’ve been really wanting to buy for yourself for a long time, but you just never got around to actually do it.

“Do you like it? Daddy said you’d really like it!” Izzy asks with big eyes, watching your reaction.

“Oh, I love it!” you breathe out, feeling all mushy and melted from the gesture. Izzy climbs over to your lap, hugging your neck. You wrap your arms around her in a bone crushing hug and you’re so thankful for having them both in your life.

Izzy sits on your lap as you get the camera out of the box and figure out how to work it. She then hops off your lap and poses for the first ever picture taken with your new favorite camera.

“But it’s blank!” she furrows her eyebrows when the photo comes out.

“Because you have to wait for it to develop. It’ll show up in a few minutes,” you smile, setting the photo down on the table.

Izzy sits in her seat, excitedly waiting for the photo to develop and in the meanwhile you join Harry in the kitchen where he is washing the dishes. He spots you and turns the tap off, turning to face you as he dries his hands off.

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything,” you tell him softly, but really feel touched by the gesture.

“No, but I wanted to. Do you really like it?”

“I love it!” you chuckle in disbelief. How could he think you wouldn’t like it?!

You move forward, aiming for a hug out of instinct but then stop yourself, not wanting to cross any boundaries, but Harry notices the motion and for your surprise, he wraps you in a warm hug on his own. You melt against his hard chest, your nose buried into his shoulder as your arms circle around his waist.

When you lean back, you both keep your arms around each other, eyes meeting and you realize just how close you are to each other. Without even knowing, your gaze flickers down to his lips and you’re dying to kiss him, to feel them again, but you don’t move, wanting to keep your word about letting him set the pace.

But what you didn’t expect is Harry leaning down and capturing your lips in a sweet, innocent kiss. It’s so different from the last time, that was a hot mess, but this one… this is light as a feather but still makes your stomach somersault as you taste his lips, cupping his face in your hands.

“Daddy! I’m thirsty!” Izzy calls out from outside and it kind of ends the moment. Harry pulls back and when you look at him you see that his eyes are still closed. They flutter open a moment later, finding your gaze and you look for any kind of regret or fear in them, but they are nothing but shiny.

“Just a moment, baby!” he answers her, a small smile tugging on his lips as he leans down and pecks the corner of your mouth again before his hands fall from your waist. “Happy birthday, Y/N,” he breathes out before grabbing a bottled water and heading back to Izzy.

You bring your fingertips to your tingling lips as you take a moment to really process what just happened and you can’t push down the smile that spreads across your face. Harry finally took the first step and now you can’t wait to see what’s coming next.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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