#god… I know objectively it’s be better if past characters weren’t involved

[teamfortresstwo]

Still clinging on to the hope that TMP is going to be non-eye coded. I hope it’s like web or spiral or fuck if it’s corruption or lonely that’s be great!

#Also I’m SO pumped #that trailer fucked severely #I love you already uhhh boss lady #you talk like Elias which means you’re already my favorite <3 #do kinda dislike the idea that it will once again be just eyes #but oh well #also I hope Gwendolyn has connections to someone gotten by Jonah #either a family member via Elias or if she IS just post transition Elias #then maybe a close friendship with the now late James Wright? #oh wait…. I guess that wouldn’t really be possible given that if she did work at the institute she would be dead now #also I know I said I didn’t want any characters making a reappearance and that tmp should be able to stand on its own #BUT DAMN IT I MISS MY BABY GIRL LITERALLY GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWALS #we got so little crumbs about him he was such a mystery for the entirety of TMA and was never truly solved so much left unanswered #god… I know objectively it’s be better if past characters weren’t involved #but c’mon just a little bit. maybe just like a one off statement from jonah Magnus or even just one of his suitors I mean people who knew hi #m. hell if Jon and Martin make a cameo then maybe he could too. just once just like a throwaway line #c’mon give me anything literally anything I’m starving over here

[spockandawe]

So this morning, I tripped across this excellent post about Xue Yang and classism, and it shook something loose in my head. Specifically, it got me thinking about the idea of Xue Yang taking revenge for ‘only’ losing a finger. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t say anything as directly dismissive as saying he only lost a finger, but I do think that is at least partially the way that Xue Yang takes the argument.

And I’ve thought a lot and said a lot of words about the way Xue Yang feels hurt and betrayed and frustrated as he tries to explain himself to someone, for once, and that person completely misses his point. And I’ve said words about how in the three years in Yi City, Xue Yang gets hooked on the quiet comfort of domesticity, even if he and Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing are still, objectively, poor. But I’d never thought about this particular angle of their last argument before now.

This is going to be long, I can tell, so let’s throw a spoiler cut in here

Now, I do think it’s important that Xiao Xingchen doesn’t say directly that it was only a finger. I think it would have been cruel of him to say that. But I also think that his upbringing and position in the world make him a bit… oblivious to the implications of Xue Yang’s story, and what he’s trying to communicate, and that leads to him saying some things that are more insensitive than he would have chosen to if he’d realized.

From a very early point, he knew that Xue Yang grew up without parents or money.

Unhurried, Xue Yang began, “Once upon a time, there was a child.”

“The child really liked eating sweet things. But because he had no parents or money, he could rarely eat them.”

And he was told how that child was exploited, and how hard he was beat up and used even before things reached the point where he lost a finger

[The huge, brawny man] took over the paper and looked at it, and he gave the child a slap so hard that his nose started bleeding. The man pulled the child’s hair and asked, ‘Who told you to take such a thing over?’”

[…]

“[seven-year-old Xue Yang] felt scared and pointed the direction. The man went to the liquor shop, carrying the child by pulling his hair.”

[…]

“The store was in a mess and the waiter was feeling quite cross. He slapped the child a few times, so hard that his ears were even buzzing, and chased him out the door. He crawled up and walked for a while.”

[…]

What do you think happened? Just a few more slaps and a few more kicks.”

(It’s interesting to me that he dodges even mentioning his hand being run over in this version of the story, but later goes into a lot of detail about his hand later with Xiao Xingchen, even though Xiao Xingchen has completely turned against him)

And, something that I hadn’t really noticed until I went to collect these quotes, is how Xiao Xingchen reacts to this story.

After Xiao XingChen tucked her, he walked a few steps, then asked, “What happened afterward?”

Xue Yang, “Guess. There was no afterward. You didn’t continue telling your story either, did you?”

Xiao XingChen, “No matter what happened afterward, since right now your life is fairly adequate, there’s no need for you to dwell too much on the past.”

That’s… a very high-minded approach to take, where I can see the good intentions, but I’m also kind of wincing at the accidental implications.

And then, to mix it up, let’s have some screencaps for the second half of the story, because these actors seriously knocked this scene out of the park

“The wheels of the cart milled over the child’s hand, one finger at a time. He was seven!”

And then another book quote, because it’s fascinating to me how directly he begs Xiao Xingchen to empathize with the child who was used so poorly and lost a finger in the process.

“Is it that, since the fingers weren’t yours, you guys were incapable of feeling the pain?! You guys didn’t know how horrifying screams sounded like out of your own mouths? Why didn’t you ask him why he decided to amuse himself with me without a single reason?!”

Only, right after he does this, Xiao Xingchen talks about how disproportionate Xue Yang’s revenge was. This really kills me, honestly, because this is the point where Xue Yang stops trying to appeal to him and explain himself, and takes a sharp turn towards losing control over his emotions instead.

Xiao XingChen spoke as though he couldn’t believe Xue Yang’s words, “Chang Ci’An broke one of your fingers in the past. If you sought revenge, you could’ve simply broken one of his fingers as well. If you really took the matter to heart, you could’ve broken two, or even all ten! Even if you had cut off an entire arm of his, things wouldn’t have been like this. Why did you have to kill his entire clan? Don’t tell me that a single finger of yours was equal to more than fifty human lives!”

I always just accepted that this was enough to hurt Xue Yang that much. But also… Xiao Xingchen knows that Xue Yang was a poor, parentless child, and he’s heard about how this child was callously exploited and mistreated by three separate adults. And there’s a couple class-related details in here that I want to touch on.

One, Xue Yang was again, a poor, parentless child, and I imagine he was living on the streets in a situation like that. Chang Ci’an broke (amputated) one of his fingers. And ran over the whole rest of his hand, which I have to imagine did other significant damage. Okay, so he wrecked this seven-year-old child’s hand. Now…. how much did this child have? What did he have besides his body? Did he even have a home to retreat to and recover? Because I have to imagine he didn’t. He didn’t have money for medical treatment, it’s not even clear if he knew anyone he could go to for basic medical help. Let’s not even talk about setting the bones in a shattered hand, did he even have access to anything to prevent infection? If he had any means of making a living (at age, again, seven), it would almost have had to be either begging or stealing. Having one ruined hand would have done awful things to this parentless child’s ability to survive. He made it through, clearly, but god. 

And Xiao Xingchen isn’t approaching this from a position like most of our main characters, who grew up wealthy and privileged. He’s not approaching this in a way like how Jiang Cheng scolded Wei Wuxian for breaking his arm, because he had to get it all plastered up and spend weeks recovering, and that was super inconvenient. Xiao Xingchen was never wealthy, and he grew up as a feral mountain child with Baoshan Sanren. But that means that he wasn’t subject to the same social forces as a city child like Xue Yang. Even if he was injured as a child, even if he was badly injured, it wasn’t probably an act of cruelty or callousness on the part of an adult. And if he was injured, he might not have had access to formally trained doctors, but he had a teacher who was highly trained spiritually, and who would at least care for him.

In a way, I think that makes it all hurt… more for Xue Yang. Because Xiao Xingchen isn’t gentry, he never was affiliated with the great cultivation sects, and he and Xue Yang and A-Qing have been living together in a city in fairly poor circumstances for three years now. But Xiao Xingchen is an adult, and one who’s used to making his own way in the world. He has no personal understanding of what it’s like to be a powerless child in similar circumstances, without anyone. And in this moment, he’s not able to understand how awful and how serious this was for a child like Xue Yang to experience.

Like, compare and contrast. When the Wens are starting to move against Lotus Pier, there’s half a moment where Wei Wuxian makes his peace with losing a hand. He’s like ‘yeah, that sucks, but i’ll deal. i’ll just learn to fight with my other hand, whatever!’ But just imagine how serious that would have been before Jiang Fengmian found him. Without money, without a home, without anyone to care for you, without access to any real medical care, how dire an injury would that have been? Xue Yang might not have lost his hand altogether, but the cart ran over his whole hand, and hands are just full o’ bones. The consequences of that injury were significant. 

And Xiao Xingchen’s initial reaction is ‘okay, so this wealthy cultivator broke your finger. why didn’t you just break his finger?’ and then he manages to escalate his way up to ‘idk, you could have even cut off his arm???’

In retrospect, it’s completely unsurprising to me that this is the moment where Xue Yang totally shuts down and starts asking why Xiao Xingchen even got involved, if he wasn’t capable of understanding.

“You shouldn’t have meddled in other people’s business. Right or wrong, kindness or hatred are not clearly distinguished, so how could an outsider possibly understand?”

“Your martial mentor, Baoshan Sanren, was indeed insightful. Why didn’t you listen to her and obediently cultivate in the mountain? If you couldn’t understand the human affairs and this world, then you shouldn’t have come!”

It makes me wonder what would have happened, if Xue Yang had leaned harder into what kind of suffering and hardship an injury like that meant for a street child, but considering how reluctant he was to share in the first place, I’m not exactly surprised he didn’t go there.

Incidentally, it’s interesting to me that when Xiao Xingchen calls Xue Yang ‘disgusting’, that’s when Xue Yang pivots into really trying to hurt him. I think it would hurt, coming from Xiao Xingchen, no matter what, but I have to wonder if he takes it extra hard in light of the way he’s just been trying to explain his history as a mistreated street child.

I’d been idly wondering if I was reading too far into this dynamic (not that that was going to stop me, but still, wondering :P), but this last addition to the conversation really caught my attention

“The people I hate the most are ones like you who say they’re righteous, who think they’re virtuous. Stupid, naive, dumb idiots like you who think the world’s better just because you did something good!”

And then I was like no, I’ve been right this whole time, haha :V

Xue Yang’s anger and hurt sense on a purely personal level, especially with the extra pain of trying to explain himself, for once, and Xiao Xingchen missing the point. But the extra frustration on behalf of his younger self makes so much additional sense. 

Xue Yang likes Xiao Xingchen, he likes living with Xiao Xingchen, or he wouldn’t still be there three years after a chance encounter. It would be a whole other meta to source this claim, but it very much feels like there are things he admires about Xiao Xingchen, even if it’s kind of a condescending, indulgent fondness for his foolish, naive innocence instead of a straightforward admiration. Until it tips over here, and becomes personal. 

And I think there were a lot of ways where he was prepared to disagree with Xiao Xingchen on a deep, fundamental level. They have very different values. But I don’t think he was prepared for Xiao Xingchen to be so oblivious to the class-based aspect of Xue Yang’s history. I don’t think Xiao Xingchen intended to be cruel, and I also think he had other significant things on his mind, but the seriousness of this incident doesn’t seem to occur to him. For someone with money, for someone with a skilled martial family, for even someone with a family, period, this would have been a traumatic experience, but one that could be dealt with. But then Xiao Xingchen equates the finger of this wealthy, purposefully cruel cultivator to the finger of a poor, parentless street child, and Xue Yang begins to lose control.

I already didn’t blame him for how upset he gets in this conversation, but now, even more than before, I find his reaction incredibly understandable. I mean, yes, their whole relationship is built on a foundation of sand, but he thought that he and Xiao Xingchen… supported each other, at least. They mattered to each other. And when Xiao Xingchen rejects him in the present, well, sure, that was going to happen if anyone was stupid enough to tell Xiao Xingchen the truth, that was understandable. But when Xiao Xingchen casually brushes aside the suffering of little innocent seven-year-old Xue Yang, that hurts Xue Yang more than he could have ever anticipated. 

#the untamed #mo dao zu shi #xue yang #xiao xingchen #long post/ #meta #xue yang: is it that since the fingers weren't yours you were incapable of feeling the pain?! #further speculation: xiao xingchen and lack of experience with *untreated* injuries #i really want to do something more with xue yang and bones that didn't heal right and an amputated finger that got infected #but heck if i know what

[dappercritter]

Steven Universe Future Rewritten:

(Alright. Time to dig up some demons for shits and giggles while I cope with having too many feelings.)

To be fair, even if I did my best to provide a satisfying conclusion with the elements I had to work with, there are still A LOT of fundamentally misguided choices I'd have a harder time than others with. Namely the fixation on using Steven and only Steven as lens to the events and characters, the skimming of countless important events, details, and characters and it's somewhat misguided approach to kindness.

E.g. Steven can't forgive his mom for hiding dark secrets she did her best to make up for but former genocidal tyrants are part of the family?

E.g. X 2 YOU CONSIDER THE OPPRESORS OF GEMKIND YOUR FAMILY BUT NOT THE GEMS WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU ALL THIS TIME?

To which I say...

That and the small matter of picking a tonal lane and sticking with it--a problem a lot of modern animation suffers from these days.

Something I could try to correct but it's more like a lesson I'd learn with my own original stuff going forward.

Now as for how I would actually do the story:

The big thing I’d focus on is reconciling Steven’s relationship with his mother, and undoing that terrible “Pink Diamond is a bad guy” narrative that completely overrode all the good things Rose Quartz did.

Instead of dwelling on Steven's mommy issues, maybe experience loss of control with his Diamond powers and coming to terms with the limitations of his role as a savior figure (another fixation of the series I took issue with) encourages Steven to take another look at his mother's journey, this time in chronological order, in hopes of some help.

Maybe even use the Rejuvenator as further explanation for why his Diamond powers are suddenly acting up, saying it reset his gem's memories to Pink Diamond's unstable beginnings. Thus why he has to go back to Rose's past to help getting this side of him under control.

Speaking of that little old bobble, MORE SPINEL.

No sending her off to live with the Diamonds, who were evidently and objectively worse people than Rose ever was, she needs to be a part of a real family that will show her the real love she needs. Then have her come along with Steven not only because she's part of his family, but because she wants to make up for her actions in The Movie.

Hell, maybe even have her excuse to come back from the Diamonds being them leaning back into their abusive behaviors because they don't know better because let's be honest--they wouldn't.

God, I can't even begin to think about all things I'd have to fix.

Anyways, the only other ideas I could mention are:

-Better explaining, rationalizing, and resolving Steven's monster form.

-Critique the Diamonds for their actions with greater seriousness.

-Do more with a post-Gem Empire setting and the division between Eras 1 and 2 and Era 3.

-THE CHEST, DAMMIT.

-More love for Jasper, the B-team, and the now-healed corrupted Gems.

-Gem colonizer team-up plot involving Bluebird, Holly Blue Agate, and the two trouble-making Lapis Lazulis.

-Oh and the Crystal Gems do more to help and not hinder.

-And Steven accepts them as his real family.

-Possible Spinearl?

-Maybe expand Steven's sobering arc beyond acknowledging his mother's faults and his trauma. Maybe use the Era divide, the opposing Homeworld Gem splinter faction, and possibly the Diamonds lapsing back into their dark ways, to have Steven realize that not everything can be perfectly resolved.

-Hell, have Steven face the fact that if it weren't for his status as a Diamond, he may have never succeeded in ending the war. He and his friends could have been ignored or even killed by the Diamonds on the spot if it weren't for his status.

-Less filler.

-More communication.

-Lastly (for real), don't just point out Steven's problems and have him deny them. Nor do we ignore everyone else's problems or development.

-SOLVE. THEM. DAMMIT.

There.

I did it.

My final contribution to the Steven Universe fandom.

I... Am... FREE!!!

(Play at x2 for maximum effect.)

#steven universe future #steven universe #ramblings of the critter #suf

[rhosyn-du]

Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter Six

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321​ Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue​ Tags:  Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Chapter Six

The irritation had been building all day, like sand rubbing under his skin, and it was especially irritating because Jace knew he didn’t have a good reason for it. Nothing was actually wrong, just a string of little frustrations that hadn’t let up all day, from the ancient coffee maker in their kitchen that didn’t start brewing when it was set to, meaning he had to go to his morning classes without any caffeine, to discovering he’d left his history textbook at home when his professor announced a surprise open-book quiz, right on through to missing his bus home and having to wait forty minutes for the next one, meaning he walked in the door with less than fifteen minutes before his friends were supposed to show up at his place for a group study session.

“Oh, hey,” Simon said when he walked through the door. “You’re home. I was starting to wonder if I got the day wrong and we weren’t having people over tonight, but then Bat texted asking if he should bring Spicy Ranch Doritos—which, obviously—so I figured you were probably just running late, which it turns out you were.”

“Excellent observational skills.” Jace tossed his bag onto the couch, not looking at Simon, and headed for the kitchen, intending to grab a beer from the fridge. Except when he opened it, there weren’t any left, and he realized he’d completely forgotten to go to the store the day before, because of course he had.

He slammed the refrigerator door shut, taking out his frustration on the appliance. It wasn’t as satisfying as he’d hoped.

“Everything okay?”

Jace spun around to find Simon in the doorway, watching him with an expression that held both wariness and concern.

“Everything’s peachy.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Simon said mildly. “You definitely use the word ‘peachy’ in casual conversation when things are going great.”

Jace took a deep breath, let it out slowly. “Look, I’ve had a shitty day, all right? I’ve had a shitty day, and we’re out of beer, and I don’t need you trying to get me to talk out my feelings or whatever it is you’re trying to do right now.”

“Okay,” Simon agreed. “What do you need?”

Jace blinked. “What?”

“You don’t need to talk about your shitty day,” Simon said, moving into the kitchen to lean on the counter next to him. “So what do you need? Lily’s bringing beer, so that’s already taken care of.”

It should have been a simple question to answer, but Jace wasn’t used to people asking what he needed. Jace wasn’t used to considering what he needed.

“I don’t know.”

“What about a distraction?” Simon offered.

“A distraction,” Jace repeated, skeptical.

“Yeah.” Simon was grinning as he hooked his fingers through Jace’s belt loops and pulled their bodies together. “A distraction.”

Jace licked his lips, dropped his eyes to Simon’s mouth. “People are going to be here in eight minutes.” He didn’t have any objections to spending those eight minutes making out with Simon.

Simon’s grin widened. “Guess I’d better work fast, then.”

And then he dropped to his knees.

Jace sucked in a sharp breath as Simon popped the button on his jeans. “What are you doing?”

“I know you’ve had a shitty day,” Simon said, pulling down Jace’s fly, “but you can’t be that out of it.”

Jace let out a soft laugh and let himself slump back against the refrigerator door as Simon took out his rapidly-plumping cock and worked him to full hardness with his hands and mouth.

He was used to Simon teasing, giving him almost enough and then pulling back until he was desperate with it. This was the opposite, with every touch, every lick and swallow driving him relentlessly toward the edge, the frustration of his day bleeding away as Simon blew him with expert efficiency.

In almost no time at all, Jace was struggling to keep his legs under him as he felt his balls start to draw up, and he was so close—

And that was when Simon, the absolute fucker, pulled off his dick to remark with far more casualness than the situation called for, “Did you lock the door when you got home? Because people are going to be here, like, any second.”

Then his mouth was back on Jace’s dick, swallowing him down like it was his job, and Jace was cursing because no, he hadn’t locked the door and any second their friends could walk in and see—Jace, desperate and falling apart; Simon, swollen red lips wrapped around Jace’s cock taking him apart—and that was—it was—

There was a sharp knock on the door, and Jace came with a strangled shout.

Simon worked him through it, pulling back only when a second knock sounded at the door. “Be there in just a minute,” he called, sounding far too composed for someone who’d just given fucking fantastic blowjob.

Simon stood, pressing a quick kiss to Jace’s lips before saying, “Somehow, I just knew you’d have a bit of an exhibitionism kink,” and heading for the door, leaving Jace to fumble his pants closed and try look like he hadn’t just had his brain sucked out through his dick.

“You all right, man?” Bat greeted him as he entered the kitchen, arms loaded with far too many bags of Doritos for six people.

“Uh,” Jace said intelligently.

“Heard you shouting and I figured you must’ve hurt yourself. You were pretty loud.”

“I heard you down the hall,” Maureen added from the living room.

“Yeah, just stubbed my toe,” Jace lied, heading out to the living room. “Somebody left his stats book on the floor, and I tripped.”

Simon flashed him a shit-eating grin. Jace had a hard time not staring at his lips, still red and slightly puffy. “You should really be more careful.”

“Going to go help Maia bring stuff up from her car,” Maureen announced, holding up her phone. “Be right back.”

“You do know,” Jace told Simon in a low voice, “that I’m going to get payback for that, right?”

Simon’s smile grew smug. “Yeah. I do.”

After an hour of going over his notes and rehashing the earlier quiz with Lily, Jace was feeling much better about his history class, and even had some ideas for his end-of-term paper. They all took a break when the pizza they’d ordered arrived, and Jace found himself squeezed between Lily and Simon on the couch.

“So,” Lily said around a mouthful of pepperoni and cheese, “you two ready for your big wedding performance this weekend? Please say no, because I’ve still got fifty bucks riding on you not making it through this without panicking.”

“Your concern is so touching,” Jace said. “I really don’t know what I’d do without such supportive friends.”

“Based on what I saw the night we met, you’d spend a lot more time getting drinks thrown in your face by girls whose names you forgot,” Maia said.

“I did not forget her name,” Jace protested. “I hit on her girlfriend.”

“Not actually better,” Maureen observed.

“Okay, one, I had no idea they were dating, and two, not my fault she flirted back.”

“Just try not to get any drinks thrown in your face at cousin Rachel’s wedding,” Simon said, patting his knee condescendingly. And then left it there, like it was totally normal for him to touch Jace casually like this in front of their friends.

“Would it be cheating if I bribed Simon’s sister to take someone Jace hooked up with as her plus one?” Lily asked.

Jace thought she really didn’t need to. He was already panicking.

“Yes,” said Maia and Bat at the same time Simon said, “Oh god, please don’t.”

“You guys are no fun,” Lilly pouted, reaching for another slice of pizza.

“Speaking of Becky,” Maia said with affected casualness, “I was wondering if you could tell her—”

“Give me your phone,” Simon interrupted, holding out his hand. This had the effect of removing his hand from Jace’s knee, and Jace tried not to miss it.

“Sure,” Maia said slowly, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “Why do you need my phone?”

Simon took the phone and pulled up Maia’s contacts. “So you just text my sister instead of asking me to be your messenger pigeon.” He passed the phone back. “Or call her. I’m not picky as long as I don’t have to be involved.”

Maia stared at the phone for a few seconds, then shrugged and put it back in her pocket with a sigh. “Yeah, okay. Fair. I guess I can, like, be an adult about this or something.”

“Good,” Simon said, his hand making its way back to Jace’s knee. No one else seemed to notice, and Jace tried not to react. “Please do it before Sunday so I don’t have to listen to Becky failing to be subtle about asking about you.”

Maia bit back a grin. “She asks about me?”

“Who wants to place bets on how long it takes Maia to actually call this girl?” Lily asked.

~~~

“Okay, you need to turn down the charm a little bit or I think Bubbe Helen is actually going to try to adopt you,” Simon said as Jace returned from his sixth dance with Simon’s grandmother. Jace didn’t think Simon needed to know that she’d used every one of those to grill him on his family, his plans for the future, his intentions toward her grandson.

“Just tell her you’re not into incest,” Jace told him, eliciting a gagging noise from Becky, the only one of Simon’s relatives still sitting at the table with them.

“Your boyfriend is gross,” Becky informed Simon, stabbing a spear of asparagus from her plate.

Jace grinned at her. “Simon wanted me to turn down the charm. I’m just trying to be accommodating.” He grabbed Simon’s hand and lifted it to his lips to kiss his knuckles. It was something they’d been doing all day, exchanging little gestures of affection like they couldn’t quite keep their hands off each other. Which was actually kind of true in Jace’s case.

It had started during the ceremony, Jace bumping Simon’s shoulder when he noticed him start to tear up during the vows. He’d meant it to be lightly teasing, but Simon had simply flashed him a watery smile and taken his hand, lacing their fingers together. Jace’s stomach had made an odd little flip and he’d squeezed Simon’s hand, and they just...hadn’t stopped touching each other. All through the rest of the ceremony and reception, it was a stream of constant little touches that made Jace wish for things he couldn’t have, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop touching either.

It didn’t help that Simon looked really good in a suit.

“That’s playing dirty,” Becky huffed. “I can’t hate you when you make my brother smile like that.”

“It’s all part of my devious plan.” He threw a sideways glance at Simon, hoping to catch the smile only to find him glaring daggers at his sister.

“Aww,” Becky cackled, “are you embarrassed? That’s adorable.”

“Embarrassed that you’re my sister? Yes.”

“Consider it payback for your presence throughout my entire adolescence.”

Jace leaned in. “Is there a story here? It sounds like there’s a story.”

“Dude, don’t encourage her.”

Becky leaned back in her chair, a predatory gleam in her eyes. “I have so many stories.”

“Oh, look.” Simon said, standing suddenly and pulling Jace along with him. “There’s Aunt Ruth. We should really go say hi.”

“I’ll still have stories to tell your boyfriend when you get back,” Becky called after them. “Jace, ask him about the llamas!”

Jace followed Simon, barely holding in his laughter as they ducked through the crowd of wedding guests, and then through an unobtrusive door that led out into an empty hallway.

“I’m so sorry about her,” Simon said, finally turning to face him and looking genuinely apologetic.

Jace shook his head. “Don’t be. I was having fun. I can see why Becky and Maia get along so well.”

“Because they’re both more than happy to tell embarrassing stories about me?” Simon joked.

“Can you blame them? It is pretty fun to watch you get all worked up.”

“You do seem to enjoy getting me worked up,” Simon agreed with a quirk of his eyebrows. “But my cousin’s wedding really isn’t the place for that.”

Jace glanced around the empty hallway. This was a bad idea. A really, really bad idea.

He turned back to Simon, a suggestive smile playing across his lips. “You sure about that?”

“Jace.” Simon’s voice was warning even as his eyes flicked to Jace’s lips and back up again.

Jace curled a hand around the back of Simon’s neck. “Because I’m not sure there’s any such thing as a bad place to get you worked up.”

“Literally everyone I’m related to is in the next room,” Simon protested. But he didn’t pull away.

“Fair point,” Jace conceded. He glanced around the hallway, then tried the nearest door. It opened into a room just large enough to not qualify as a closet. Jace raised a questioning eyebrow at Simon.

Simon looked dubiously at the stacks of office supplies that lined one wall, then back at Jace. “How are you so good at convincing me to make bad decisions?” Simon asked before grabbing him by the tie and dragging him into a kiss.

Jace grinned against his mouth as they stumbled into the room. “It’s my superpower. I got bitten by a radioactive advertising executive as a teenager.”

“Fuck,” Simon muttered, kicking the door closed behind them. “You can’t make Spider-Man references when I’m kissing you; that’s cheating.”

“Yeah?” Jace asked, pushing him against the wall that wasn’t occupied by reams of printer paper. “Does it get you hot when I talk nerdy to you?” He tugged at Simon’s shirt, pulling it free from his pants. “Or does everything I do get you hot?”

“Definitely not everything.” Simon nipped along his jaw. “Your ego, for example? Very unattractive.”

“Now you’re just making things up.” He slid a hand down to cup Simon through his pants, and Simon bucked into the touch. “My ego definitely gets you hot.”

“I know—fuck.” He rocked into Jace’s hand again. “I know some guys have trouble separating their egos from their dicks, but I never thought you’d be one of them.”

“Any association between my ego and my dick is well-deserved.” He tugged at Simon’s belt. “Don’t bother trying to argue. We both know it’d be a lie.”

“Yeah, that’s not actually how arguments wo—oh.” Simon cut off, eyes wide, as Jace dropped to his knees.

Jace smirked up at him. “I figure the best way to avoid staining your suit is if you come in my mouth. Unless you’ve got objections.”

“I have exactly zero objections to having your mouth on me.” Simon curled a hand around Jace’s jaw, drawing his thumb along Jace’s bottom lip. “Like, ever.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Jace flicked his tongue out to catch the tip of Simon’s thumb and reached to finish unbuckling his belt.

He froze at the unmistakable sound of the door opening behind him.

Jace’s eyes were trained on Simon’s face, so he saw the emotions play out across it in real time: surprise, then panic, then a slowly dawning horror.

“Bubbe Helen!” Simon’s voice just barely managed to avoid being a squeak. “Hi! We were, uh, we were just—” He looked down at Jace helplessly.

The thing was, Jace had always been good in a crisis. No, that wasn’t exactly right. He’d always been calm in a crisis. Probably as a result of having endured so many starting at such a young age.

So, his gaze and voice were completely steady as he took Simon’s hand in both his own and asked, “Will you marry me?”

He heard a voice behind him that sounded suspiciously like Becky mutter, “Oh my god.”

Simon stared. “Wha—uh. Yes?” His eyes flickered up toward the doorway, then back to Jace. “Yes,” he said more firmly. “I will definitely marry you, which is of course why you’re on your knees right now, and…”

His voice trailed off as Jace pulled his ring—his father’s ring, the only ring he ever wore—off his own finger and slid it onto Simon’s. It was a little loose, but not enough to slide off.

Simon flexed his hand, the fluorescent light above glinting off the brushed platinum. And then he was pulling Jace to his feet and into a kiss that held a decidedly hysterical edge.

The kiss was short-lived, interrupted by a very deliberate throat clearing. Jace kept Simon’s hand clasped firmly in his as he turned around, the metal of the ring pressing into his skin a reminder of what he’d just done.

Bubbe Helen was watching him with a decidedly unimpressed look. Behind her, Becky had a hand clapped over her mouth, smothering what could have been either an overflow of emotion or laughter.

“Young man, did you just propose marriage to my grandson in a storage closet?”

Jace pasted on his best facsimile of a sheepish smile and prepared to lie his ass off.

~~~

“Look, I panicked, okay?”

Outside, rain poured down in heavy sheets, obscuring the passing scenery and dampening any other sounds. It made the inside of the van feel cut off from the rest of the world, like they were alone in their own tiny, bubble universe.

A muscle in Simon’s jaw twitched. “You said that already.” He kept his eyes on the road.

Jace’s eyes fell to the steering wheel, where the soft platinum of his father’s ring still rested on Simon’s finger. “You didn’t have to say yes.”

Simon didn’t respond to that, and Jace wished he could see his eyes, could find even the tiniest clue to what he was thinking. He’d barely said anything since they made their hasty exit from the reception. At least Becky and Bubbe Helen had agreed not to mention Simon’s supposed engagement to his mom until he could tell her himself.

The silence stretched between them as Jace stared out into the blurry downpour. The one saving grace to all of this was that at least no one else knew about it. Their friends would never let them hear the end of it if they found out. And Jace’s family, god, that would be a disaster. Izzy would probably try to plan the whole thing and they’d somehow end up actually married before Jace could even explain the situation to her.

“You know,” Simon said into the silence, “I hated you before I even met you.”

Jace didn’t know what to say to that, didn’t know if there was anything to say to that. That was okay, though, because Simon kept talking.

“Clary’s been my best friend since we were kids. My mom likes to tell the story of how we met on the playground and spent the whole day trying to build a moat around the swing set so no one else could play on it, but I don’t actually remember it. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t friends with Clary. She’s just always been a part of my life. The best part, sometimes.”

He took a deep breath, threw a quick glance at Jace before continuing. “So, of course I fell in love with her.”

The words hit Jace like a punch to the gut, and he was very, very glad Simon’s eyes were back on the road and he couldn’t see the jumble of emotions that Jace was sure were written all over his face.

“We were in sixth grade when I realized,” Simon continued. “I think I’d probably been in love with her for a while, but it just sort of hit me one day that I was just completely and totally gone for her. And it only took me like ten minutes after that to figure out that she didn’t feel the same way about me, but that was okay. I mean, it wasn’t. That kind of thing never is when you’re twelve.” He let out a mirthless laugh. “Or when you’re an adult either, I guess. But it was as okay as it could be because I figured I just had to wait. Clary was the most important person in the world to me, and even though she didn’t love me like I loved her, I knew I was the most important person in her life, too, so I just figured.” He shrugged. “I figured that eventually she’d realize that we could be, you know, more.”

His voice got soft as he continued, “And then she met you.”

Jace sucked in a sharp breath. “Simon, I—”

“I’m glad she did,” Simon interrupted, and he sounded like he meant it. “Even though it sucked at the time. Every time she mentioned you, I just wanted to punch you in the face. Which is why I always made an excuse not to meet you, by the way. I thought if I did and you really were as perfect as she described you, I would actually hit you.”

“I did always wonder about the mysterious best friend who was never around,” Jace said around the odd lump in his throat he couldn’t seem to swallow down. “She talked about you all the time.”

“Yeah?” Simon sounded genuinely surprised. “That’s actually really good to hear. And it makes me even more glad she met you, because her falling for you, even spending so much time with you, it gave me time to get over her.”

The knot in Jace’s throat loosened an inch.

“By the time you guys broke up, I’d actually dated a couple of people who weren’t Clary, and even though I didn’t feel as strongly for any of them as I did for her, I realized that part of what makes our friendship so special is that it is friendship. And I think we might have really fucked that up if we tried to be anything else, so I’m glad we never did, because my friendship with Clary is still one of the best things in my life, and I’m pretty sure it always will be.”

“Is that what you wrote Random Afternoon about? About you and Clary?” It wasn’t what Jace meant to say at all, but he opened his mouth and the words just came tumbling out.

Simon’s let out a soft huff of laughter. “No.” He shook his head. “It’s, uh. It’s not about Clary.”

Jace didn’t understand what was so funny, but he wasn’t going to ask. Just like he wasn’t going to ask who the song was about. Wasn’t going to think about why he cared so much.

“She was my first love, too,” he said instead.

Simon nodded slowly, digesting this information. “I wondered. I mean, when Clary used to talk about you, it sure sounded like you loved her, but once I found out you were, you know, you, I wasn’t so sure anymore.” He was fiddling with the ring, now, twisting it slowly around his finger with his thumb. Jace wondered if he knew he was doing it. “I didn’t think you were a relationship kind of guy.”

“I’m not.” That wasn’t what anyone wanted from him. Even Clary, who really had loved him once upon a time, hadn’t wanted him to stay. And even if someone did want that from him, he was pretty sure now that he wouldn’t know how to give it to them.

“And there hasn’t been anyone since Clary who’s made you reconsider?” Simon’s hands were still on the steering wheel now, his face impassive in the flickering light of passing cars.

Jace thought back to that night weeks ago, when Simon told him that maybe they wouldn’t be a mistake, and just for a second he’d thought—he’d hoped—but of course that wasn’t what Simon had meant.

“No.”

“Of course not. Stupid question.” Simon flashed him a smile, but there was a worried crease between his brows.

The last thing Jace wanted from him was pity, especially over this. “So, tell me about the llamas,” he said, desperate to change the subject.

Simon winced. “Can we just pretend Becky never mentioned llamas?”

“Nope.” Jace grinned. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll get Maia to ask Becky. I’m sure your sister would be happy to share.”

“You’re seriously the worst,” Simon said before launching into a long, involved story about his and Clary’s third grade trip to a llama farm and how Becky had thought it was hilarious to tell them that llamas were venomous.

“So, there I was, just covered in llama spit,” Simon finished as he unlocked their apartment door, “crying my eyes out because I thought was going to die, with Clary shouting at the poor farmhand that her dad was cop and he was going to go to jail for murder. And of course Becky didn’t even get in trouble or apologize. She just started getting me llama-themed birthday gifts.”

“Just so we’re absolutely clear,” Jace snickered, following him inside, “I’m laughing at you, not with you.”

“Which is one of many reasons I should have known better than to let you meet my sister. Speaking of which,” he pulled Jace’s ring off his finger and held it out, “I wouldn’t want to forget to give this back.”

Jace looked at the ring, then back up at Simon, swallowing hard. “You should keep it. Until we break up.” Something flashed in Simon’s eyes, and Jace hurried to correct himself. “Until we tell our families we broke up, I mean. In case you need to, I don’t know, sell the story.”

“Jace, I know what this ring means to you. I can’t just—”

“You can.” He reached out and closed Simon’s fingers over the ring, holding them there. “I trust you to keep it safe.”

Simon stared at him for a long moment, eyes searching. “Okay,” he agreed. “Until we break up.”

Something in Jace’s chest loosened, and he stepped back, letting Simon’s hand drop from his. “Cool. I’m gonna heat up some pizza rolls. You want me to make enough for you?”

“Sure,” Simon said. “Yeah, pizza rolls sound great. Cheeseburger flavor, not triple cheese, though.”

“Obviously,” Jace said, heading to the kitchen. He didn’t think about the ring, or how naked his hand felt without it. Or why it mattered so much to him that Simon agreed to keep it, if only for a little while.

#shadowhunters #shmb2021 #jimon #jimon fic #jace wayland #simon lewis

[diariesofaplutonian]

Pluto in the 1st and 12th houses

Pluto in the 12th House natives have deep, rich inner lives, but often suffer privately from intense mental battles and struggles. These people are often intimately acquainted with the notion of suffering. They feel pain very heavily and if not careful, they can let it consume and ravage them. I’ve noticed a lot of these natives are intensely talented or artistic or creative, in fact, a lot of musicians have this placement; that being said, natives also seem to immensely struggle with severe depression for they are easily overcome with unfortunate life events and stresses/stressors. Sometimes, it may feel as though life has it out for them. They may grapple with despondency or chronic depression. These individuals can struggle to remain positive when it seems their faith is always tested, but these individuals are also gifted with extraordinary willpower and intense focus, discipline, and dedication. They have the power to make all their dreams come true; their superpower is their relentless ambition, and the responsibility they feel to the world to prove themselves: this is their number one obligation and promise to themselves. They hardly ever fail in this act: proving themselves. Many of them deeply struggle with insecurity and may have an inferiority complex or suffer from imposter syndrome when it comes to their beliefs in their talents or abilities. They battle against these fears, doubts, and anxieties when they consistently demonstrate how bold, how fearless, how determined, and how gifted they are. They do, however, often internalize their failures as proof of some kind of self-issue, some inadequacy, some inability to do good, some lack, proof of bad performance, etc. They need to realize that even when they feel subpar, the work they do is optimal, and the world can use their gifts, so they should embrace all the skills they have to offer. One of the downsides of this placement is that while these natives often fall in love with potential, they most often fail to see their own. They also need to stop doubting the possibility of an outcome and start finishing what they start to reap the efforts of what they produce, so even if they do manage to not live up to their own exceptionally high standards, they will know it is because it wasn’t the right project and not that they weren’t the right person for the job. Sometimes, they can truly be their own worst enemy; they need to stop letting their inner voice undermine their relationships and their lives. They build walls sky high around their heart because they don’t want to be let down, and if their defenses are up, they falsely believe their security can’t be threatened. Many carry deep wounds stemming from unhappy childhoods, wounds they have lodged deep inside of them. Many have never fully recovered from or properly addressed traumatic life experiences. May have an aversion to or distrust of not only modern medicine, doctors, and healing practices, but a distrust of hospitals, therapists, psych units, and counseling, as well. May have issues talking about their deep-rooted fears.

Very private, complex individuals. Vigilant because they’ve experienced harrowing episodes or encountered visions they should have never had to bear. May have been witness to shocking events they shouldn’t have seen. May often find themselves in the wrong place, wrong time scenario. Often seeks out danger. Parts of them are incredibly reckless, daredevil-like, driven, and sensation-seeking. Finds not comfort, but intense pleasure in thrill and high-risk activity. Constantly chasing a high—not necessarily drug-induced—and pushing the boundaries of themselves. Constantly defying self-limits. Often suffers from loneliness and feels exiled from the world or even rejected or unaccepted because they’re too weird or dark or unusual or frightening, in a way that they don’t follow the rules, or they’re the black sheep of some sorts, but more often than not, their isolation is self-imposed. Well-versed with their shadow side. Trust doesn’t come easy to them, but once they have it and it remains unbroken, you will have their loyalty for life. They also reward loyalty. Their friends/confidantes are their closest allies. Harbor many secrets. Has addictive habits. May have grief due to private dilemmas. Feels uncomfortable with but unafraid of death. Intense control issues—if not properly resolved, this can lead them to be very controlling. Intense love affairs. May have a hard-knock life, even if successful career-wise, with many ups and downs. May have difficulty regulating or controlling their emotions. May struggle to find inner peace. May question their purpose or belonging. May feel trapped or powerless in situations involving spiritual matters—i.e. God—or earthly/temporal matters, such as life or death. May feel tested and challenged by unpredictability but thrive off of it or need an element of unpredictability in their lives to feel useful, inspired, or creative. Creativity is often linked to deep pain, in these natives. It is often an emotional outlet for them. These natives feel uncomfortable when they feel seen by others. Incredibly resilient, brave individuals. They lack a strong self-concept. Identity is weathered by forces the natives cannot always see but are often held back by. Struggles with deep sadness and loss or grave emotional pain at times. Feels strongest when not experiencing the uncomfortable emotion of regret—this emotion is the most difficult for them to confront/contend with. They’d rather feel nothing at all. Natives may have a stark view of themselves or a black and white picture of the world. Their internal or external reality/world may be harsh to them or unlivable.

Pessimistic at times, prone to cynicism. Intensely probing, thoughtful, solemn, demonstrative, reserved. Much internal activity. Acutely sensitive to their environments—emotional/psychic and physical. Senses, intuits, and often feels other people’s emotions. Perceives others’ objectives or goals, and others’ thoughts of them. Has an instinctive grasp on human nature, especially of the shadows and the darkness and all else that is germane to the human condition. Suffers a lot in the world, sometimes by their own hand/as a result of their own doing (self-inflicted pain is often their coping mechanism). Needs better coping skills—healthy ones. May self-harm or turn to self-destructive behavior when in a rough spot. May be the victim of poverty during youth. May duel themselves. Often subject to high stress. May believe in the existence of supernatural entities, i.e. ghosts, aliens, demons, etc. Very active imagination, dark thoughts that they attempt to run away from. Seeks refuge in solitude. Silent by choice. Natural observer. Knows more than they seem to know. Omits on purpose. May have unusual proclivities, i.e. engage in activities considered taboo or NSFW. In touch with their “wild” side—the parts of themselves most people are uncomfortable with. Relishes in what makes people uncomfortable. Finds joy and incomparable beauty in that. Attempts to fill a void caused by a state of incompleteness. Strives to assuage that with superficial emotions, relationships or vices, but it only leaves them more desperate and more empty, feeling more deprived. Always analyzing themselves and others. Danger of too much self-analysis. May be prone to self-violence (real or metaphorical). Intrigued by distressing situations, moodiness and violence. Doesn’t like nosiness. Prone to internal self-conflict and fanatical obsessions. Strong sexual appetites. May feed into lies or deceit out of self-preservation. May disguise selfishness through seemingly selfless sacrifices/acts, which are used to gain the favor of someone so they can do their bidding. Can be forceful or coercive at times. Very fixed and untenable at times. Learns a lot about life through painful experiences and private ordeals or feelings of being in crisis or having suffered identity or existential or health crises. These obstacles only serve to make them stronger and build/solidify their character, however. Adversity feeds and replenishes their spirit and helps them sprout wings, though, it feels like swallowing poison. They may, however, experience bouts of mortal illness or encounter near fatality as a result of such ordeals and life tests/tragedies, which is a testament to their individual strength. Clings to a feeling of independence and armors themselves with it. The first to say “I can do it on my own”—needs, not wants to make it through life saying they did it without help. Needs to realize that everybody needs help sometimes and they can’t indeed do it all on their own. There’s no shame in needing help or needing to take a break sometimes. Emotional scars must be dealt with. May be malicious or spiteful/vindictive when angry, which can come back to them in the form of karma. May face/encounter many near-death experiences in their lifetime or remember past lifetimes of violence or violent death. May have vivid and possibly violent dreams or suffer from nightmares. May be haunted by the past in the form of past lovers, past unresolved traumas, past relationships/friendships, past actions, past bills, past secrets, etc. Their past is never unburied, it seems. It always comes back to bite them. Seduced or entranced by the notion of revenge, for some, others by the idea of creating something permanent, whether via their work or via they, themselves.

Pluto in the 1st House natives inspire intense feelings from others—positive or negative. Public reaction to them is nearly always extreme—they are either worshipped or conspired against, loathed and plotted against. They inspire very polarizing reactions from people. For as many people rooting for their downfall, or for as many haters as they have, they have admirers who believe they can do no wrong. They attract massive fanfare and devotion from those who do support them, who often support them for life in a ride-or-die fashion. These individuals tend to suffer many private betrayals and public backlashes or attacks on their character and reputation. They are often subject to nasty rumors and lies made up by those who hate them or want to see them “ruined” or “destroyed.” Most of it is not true, but these attempts at character assassination often successfully taint their image or sully the general public’s perception of them. They often have to win them back. May have to admit or show weaknesses or give the allusion of groveling in order to gain public support again. Often loses themselves and has to recover themselves. If not careful, they can destroy themselves, as they are very self-destructive people. May turn to drugs or negative coping mechanisms such as gambling or alcoholism or other recreational drug use when feeling defeated or down in life. Doesn’t really know how to address painful, negative emotions without being swallowed by them. Often ruin themselves trying to cope with the pain they feel internally that they can’t escape. Paranoid and untrusting, but for good reason. A lot of people close to them have shady intentions or are trying to use them or manipulate them or get close to them for deceptive motives. May be subject to blackmail by friends turned enemies, lovers turned enemies, and so on, more than actual perceived enemies/foes. Are often “ruined” by those closest to them, though, while these attempts may seem victorious, those with Pluto in the 1st house or Pluto conjunct Ascendant often triumph in the end because they rule comebacks. If anything, being “canceled” or reviled only motivates them. They will succeed at all costs, and no hate can prevent that. These natives possess a controlled image. Part of them wants to be known, more of them wants to be unknown, or at the very least, they wish to control what you do see of them. They are often obsessed with power, their own and that of others. Gaining power, losing power, reducing someone else’s power, etc. Feels most empowered when they are in control. Needs to feel like the boss or the one running the show/pulling the strings. Needs to feel like an authority figure.

Often is very close to a mentor or father-like figure that tends to be older and wiser, often in the field of business or coaching. May manufacture an enigmatic personality or genuinely have one but hide behind it for privacy or safety purposes. Fearful of being anyone’s puppet. Doesn’t want to give their power away. Fears being controlled by others and retaliates when they feel dictated to or controlled. Their relationships are often high-stakes, high drama, and emotionally demanding. May be addicted to toxic people—drama and chaos, especially of the emotional kind, and power struggles give them a rush, though, they may deny this and claim they hate drama and toxicity. Can be manipulated or abused in relationships, or they themselves can abuse their power, especially if they are abusing a substance or easily influenced at the time. Often in crisis. These natives tend to have deep, penetrating gazes and luminous eyes. For as much as they value privacy, when they do inevitably have a fall from grace, it is often painfully, visibly made public, quite to their embarrassment, and all their secrets are “exposed.” Most of them try to get ahead of potential scandals or involuntary public releases about them by self-disclosing embarrassing, scandalous information or personally divulging their secrets and “exposing” themselves so they get ahead of the story and don’t become the story, so they control the narrative. Control is really important to them—not just the illusion of it but the actual concept of being able to take action or determine the course of an event without being dictated by it. They often disappear and reappear in the public eye at will. These are not the type of people to go make an apology on the notes app when they do something the public doesn’t like. They will address their actions when they feel like it and if they feel like it and only if they do feel like it, always on their own terms. And they don’t apologize unless they mean it, so don’t expect to see them putting out disingenuous statements. They always have their guard up because they are weary of being hurt and they’re used to going through unsettling situations. Have dry humor and strong physical/sexual hungers/appetites/lusts; may be shady at times. Have dealt with a lot of trauma in their lives, for many early on, in their childhood. May succumb to their deepest, innermost fears if not careful. May suffer from intense paranoia—always suspicious of loved ones. Fear of being [double-]crossed or backstabbed. May have a difficult time forgiving or understanding people who turn their back on them. A sense of mystery surrounds them. Time does not heal their pain. Struggle feeling isolated and alone but needs lots of alone time and goes through periods where they shut themselves off from everybody and go ghost for a while, typically to recover from private battles, or draw back/recover strength from life. Acutely aware of their own mortality. Recovery to them looks like healing. They often call this—healing—surviving.

Resolute, assertive individuals. Can contradict themselves at times. A web of contradictions emerge when specifically attempting to define who they are. Struggles to feel healthy emotions, easily overpowered by their own excess emotional energy. Can feel dead inside sometimes. Often secretly struggles with addiction, past trauma (including in some cases sexual or emotional or physical abuse, depending on other factors, as well), and suicidal ideation. Frequently possesses a low mood or bleak outlook on life. Struggles to keep positive. Finds enlightenment in the most unexpected, unusual places. Often finds God or the spiritual equivalent after some tragedy—doesn’t have to be a near-death experience—or after hitting rock bottom, however they define it—this may be losing the love of their life, being fired from their job, being publicly ousted or held accountable for some moral breach, being sued, being accused of alleged wrongdoing, true or false, etc. They nearly have to lose everything—or what is most important to them—to come to some great epiphany or startling realization and make drastic changes in their life. Sometimes, they may wait until it’s too late. Difficult to decipher. Subject to varying moods, sulking, and general somber periods. Some natives may have a morbid fascination (curiosity) with their own death, or on the opposite side, a healthy fear of it. May struggle to have/develop/facilitate a healthy relationship, not only with others, but with themselves. Good judge of character, but can be blinded by infatuation or blind trust at times. When they fall, they fall hard. Very intuitive and sensitive, perceptive individuals. Self-transformation often comes at the cost of something they want, including their selves. Sometimes, it’s as though parts of them have to die in order for more of them to live. Often very powerful, secretive individuals who come to amass much power in life, but can just as easily lose it. Overwhelmingly strong survival instinct. A need to conquer, to be the best, and to win. Dominant personalities. Difficult to know, not difficult to love. Tend to have many secret admirers and enemies, and are feverishly wanted or desired by those who can’t or shouldn’t have, want, or want to have them. Besides having a magnetic gaze, these natives often have an intriguing, possibly even sexual aura that either strongly repels or attracts others. After a breakup, can be demonized or made the villain by past vengeful partners, especially if there were sordid affairs or the native was unfaithful.

#astrology #zodiac #pluto #pluto in the houses #1st house #12th house #astro notes #astrology notes #astrology observations #my post #personal #text #n #me #my words #mine #how i feel #pluto conjunct ascendant #aspects

[natsubeatsrock]

Lower Your Expectations for Nalu

I'm going to start this post off more generously than I normally would. I don't have any real reason to. I just kind of want to reach some of the Nalu fans with this section. (Nalu fans probably shouldn’t want to read the rest.)

Generally speaking, it's better to lower your expectations for a ship becoming canon. That way, you are pleasantly surprised to see how it will happen. Sometimes a relationship should have more subtle canonization than a bombastic showing. If Mashima plans to make Nalu canon, we should be patient to see how it happens. It’s not impossible for Nalu to have some impressive showy way it becomes canon. However, it’s worth letting Mashima do his thing and let the chips fall as they may.

Alright, the kids are gone. Let's do this for real.

I've been running this blog for just over six years. You'd think that, at this point, it would be hard for me to be surprised by this fandom. I've seen all kinds of things happen, and that should be the case. I joined during a rather tenuous time where fandoms were more willing to go at it.

As it stands, the Nalu fandom is the gift that keeps on giving. Whenever I feel as though I can't think of anything else to say about this ship, something happens, and I'm brought back to writing about it. You'd think it would be me talking about how the ship functions in canon. However, fans seem willing to bend over backward to sing Nalu's praises.

I'd respect it if it weren't Nalu we're talking about. This might be one of the most overrated ships in anime. I'll never understand how most people who watch this series even passively wanted these two to become a couple. All the couples Mashima's written over the years, and this is the one he'll be judged for? (Also, maybe Gruvia, but we talked about that already.)

Still, I do have to give this some fandom credit. Mashima has taken nearly every possible opportunity to feasibly advance this ship since the Grand Magic Games ended (arguably even before that) and passed on doing much with it. On some occasions, it feels as though Mashima is directly mocking the idea that Nalu could possibly become canon. And yet, fans believe that Nalu will become canon at any moment because he draws a Twitter pic of them once every three months or so. (Yes, I did edit this sentence since Nalu Day. What of it?) 

Recently, I got an ask comparing the Nalu fandom to the MAGA crowd. I'm not personally vindictive enough against Trump or his supporters to affirm that comparison. Though, I can't act as if I haven't been thinking of an analogy to describe Nalu fans. I think a better comparison might be fans of the Dallas Cowboys. 

Cowboys fans seem to believe that their team can win the Super Bowl any season. That's not an inherently problematic perspective to take. You should hope that your team will do well. However, this often manifests itself in confidence that ignores the faults within individual Cowboys teams and the strength of their opponents. Not to mention, this ignores the objective fact that the Cowboys haven't done well in the playoffs for 25 years.

I don't think it's wrong for fans to believe that their ship will become canon. I don't know too many fans who wish their ship doesn't become canon. However, I always worry about the fans who believe their ship happening is an inevitability. Especially when things seem to be pointing away from the possibility of it happening. This is usually a recipe for toxic fandoms.

But, let me humor the idea for a moment.

What if Mashima really plans to make Nalu happen in the end?

As I'm writing this post,  we're currently in the middle of the fight between the third Dragon God. We're getting close to the real conclusion of that battle. But after that, there are two big arcs until the series truly ends. Three if they decide to have one last battle against the quest-giving dragon.

If Mashima's going to make Nalu canon, how would that work now?

There's the "realization" route. This is the one I probably see the most. Natsu and Lucy could come to the clear realization that they have come to love each other throughout the series. Of course, you'd have to imagine that whatever would bring this on is more powerful than thinking the other has died. 

Twice, throughout the series. 

Each.

On top of several other crazy things to happen to them over 600 chapters of material spanning a decade and a half. Yet, I'm supposed to believe that some random new moment will change the tide for Nalu.

The other way to do it is to have a confession. Either Natsu or Lucy decides to share with the other the fact that they are in love. Their feelings are reciprocated, and you can figure out the rest.

Depending on who you ask, we've almost gotten this a few times. Lucy's had a few opportunities to talk about her relationship with Natsu and has been fairly nice about it. A few times it's hinted that there might be more to their friendship but nothing concrete. I've even seen it hinted that Natsu was going to confess in chapter 545.

But, that's just it. We've only gotten hints at the possibility that there's more. If Natsu and Lucy actually like each other romantically, why not make it clearer earlier?

"It's because he's being subtle about their shared romantic feelings."

Yeah, I have reason to doubt that.

Jellal and Erza have feelings for each other implied throughout Fairy Tail. Sure there's explicit stuff like their meeting before the Grand Magic Games started. But there's been plenty of subtle stuff surrounding their relationship. People make hints at their potential romantic relationship all the time in canon, even as recent as the last arc.

I feel like I say this a lot when talking about Jerza. But really think about the arcs they're together in. There's Tower of Heaven, Nirvana, the Grand Magic Games, Tartarus, Alvarez Empire, and Aldoron. Their relationship is brought up or hinted at in Fantasia, Tenrou Island, Avatar, and Mercuphobia. While that looks like a large amount of material, Jerza doesn't take up much space in any of these arcs. Outside of the Grand Magic Games, Nirvana, and Alvarez, these are small moments between the two of them at best. Sometimes it's even less than that. And yet, the ship makes sense to the vast majority of the fandom.

But that might be an unfair comparison. Jellal and Erza have a history dating before the series started. 

Let's use a ship that involves characters that met after Natsu and Lucy. Gray and Juvia. (Wait, these guys again?)

The big thing with this ship has been how Gray feels about Juvia. We've known how Juvia feels about Gray literally since they met. However, we've seen Gray slowly change his views on Juvia. We didn't just jump from enemies to lovers. There was a subtle shift as the series went on.

Do you really think that Mashima couldn't do better with Natsu and Lucy? His main duo? The series is only possible because the two meet each other. But I'm supposed to believe that Mashima didn't want to make a Nalu romance seem more explicit?

If you were to ask me, the most likely route for Nalu now is a much less sexy option. If Nalu were to happen, it won't happen in a grand showing of affection. It will just... happen. We'll likely skip to some random point in time after they beat all the dragons and see them as a couple. Maybe we'll se an Earthland Nasha.

This isn't something anime/manga fans aren't used to. I know everyone likely thinks of a different series that has done this over the years. People will rag on series like Naruto and Bleach for doing this. For what it's worth, I do like both of those series and their endgame ships. 

That said, I have two problems with this option. 

First, Nalu doesn't have the kind of setup that those other ships have. You're not getting characters openly confessing before a fight. You're not getting two characters flustered over the prospect of feelings suggested to each other. Heck, you're not getting a "Silver Ray" situation.

"What about those times when Lucy was asked if she likes Natsu?"

Again, Lucy's not openly agonizing over that as part of their relationship. If this was something we were supposed to seriously consider as an option for her, we'd know.

Even then, this would only show that it's one-sided. Natsu hasn't had any similar moments where he considers liking Lucy. Anyone bringing up the waterfall scene is speculating at best. Do you really expect me to believe that Mashima will change that this far into the series?

But this doesn't even get into the second problem. Is this how you'd want Nalu to become canon? 

I've said this before, but Nalu has been expected to become canon for close to a decade. That almost feels like an exaggeration. But one of the big chapters I usually point to for Mashima potentially making Nalu more overt is Lucy Fire. That chapter turned ten years old this past March.

Nalu fans have been inventing all kinds of scenarios and situations about how Mashima will make their favorite ship happen. Wouldn't it be disappointing for fans to see that this ship would happen without any of the pomp and circumstance you'd expect a ship like this to get?

I know plenty of people who were disappointed when their favorite ship just became canon without a lot of lead-up. I didn't love getting to the end of Bleach without knowing more about how Ichigo and Orihime got together. Yes, I know the novels exist, but I (literally) paid to read the manga. I'd like to have seen it happen in the manga. (This could be about Naruto, but I only own The Last.)

This is why I believe Nalu fans should lower their expectations. Do you know the fantasy fans have for Nalu happening? Natsu and Lucy finally being hit with the overwhelming realization they love each other? A tearful confession of their feelings for each other capped with a kiss? All of their friends cheering them on, knowing they should have been a couple a long time ago? Maybe even a glimpse at their wedding and their future kid?

Congratulations, that was Rave Master's main couple. Don't expect the same thing for Nalu. If Nalu will happen, it will look much more disappointing than what fans believe it will look like.

At this point, I'm even not sure that Nalu will happen. Mashima has made every version of Nalu look more romantic except the original. I can't apologize for my skepticism on its prospects. Even actual Nalu fans are worried about if it will happen. I will enjoy seeing more of this salt in the future.

Now, there's one question you might be asking of me. How will I react to Nalu happening?

I don't have some back-pocket post prepared in case Nalu does happen. Heck, I thought of making one but ended up writing this post instead. 

However, I have been wrong about future events of Fairy Tail in the past. If I'm wrong and Mashima does make Nalu canon, then I'll talk about it. I highly doubt it will make me like the series less. It certainly won't affect anything I'm doing with the rewrite, given my rules for changes. Consider that I've been able to talk about Gruvia negatively at this point in the series. I'll absolutely continue to talk smack about Nalu if it ends up canon. 

That said, I have reason to believe that I'm right about the direction Nalu will take. And if I'm right, don't expect my tone on Nalu to stay the same. At the very least, I can promise a third Nalu edition of "My Incredibly Unpopular Thoughts" if Nalu doesn’t happen. I haven't done one in years and I can't think of a better way to celebrate the ship dying once and for all.

#fairy tail #anti nalu #fairy tail month: seven of these? #to be clear #nothing specifically has prompted this #i just have bad timing #i've wanted to do a post like this for months #this is another situation #where one post became two #you'll see the second one some other time

[luxlightly]

Ok I was originally not going to post this because it's A Lot of headcanon for an improv video game comedy series and just send it to one person but they never responded and I'm attention starved. So here's my huge, Bubby centric, monster of a headcanon that ties the whole series together. Mostly under a cut because it's A Lot. (written in one sitting on my phone so excuse the multiple changes in tense and typos)

So the big sort of thing is that Bubby caused the resonance cascade. He sabotaged the computers. He just meant for it to be a distraction to escape black mesa but Benry's involvement and the chaotic element of the Player Character interacting with him caused everything to go to hell fast. Also Benry and Bubby are sort of brothers.

Going backwards to explain:

So some of this really stretches the canon because it's mixing a "it's a real world" au and "it's still a video game" au kind of ideas. 

Basically the world of the video game exists sort of as a parallel dimension within the game's code. The G-man exists kind of outside of the rules, able to control more or less the code or console. He's kind of the Mastermind behind black Mesa as a whole who exists outside the game's code to a sort of in between layer (in those time stop moments) where he can only be seen by those who are also in some way connected to the Real World through either direct connection to the Player or sufficient connection to the console code. His reach is in ways limited because of this and he cannot easily interact with the game world characters. He uses Black Mesa as a way to use the science of their word to try to create new things from the code or otherwise more precisely control it.

Which is where Bubby comes in. Basically, black Mesa took the basic code for the security officer Barney and tried to create new copies with connections to the code they could use. However it was pretty much a complete failure. Only two of the attempts even survived to maturity with any kind of personally intact, but they weren't right. Trying to connect them with the code like that broke them in certain ways. On creation, the scientists asked them their names to try to get them to access their own files to find the name, but neither could, it came out garbled. So instead they went by the names they more or less gave themselves. 

Bubby is able to connect to the console commands specifically to set objects and characters on fire(among some others in small amounts that are far less well controlled), but he can't understand that's what it is. It's just psychokinesis to him. And he's not good at controlling it, especially when he was younger. He's also scrawny, has several phobias, and is overall much more suited to academic pursuits than being any kind of soldier for them. It also causes him to glitch at times('here i come, Gordon! Here I come, Gordon! Here I come, Gordon!). His code is more or less like a badly implemented mod that tried to unlock god admin mode but failed and now doesn't quite fit back in with the original code right.

They kept him as a scientist at black Mesa mostly to keep him under surveillance. He knows this. He doesn't know anything about the code or anything, but he knows he was made there etc etc. He spent most of his time just keeping the other scientists afraid of him and his spontaneous combustion and studying as much as he could. He'd never been outside. He wasn't allowed to leave. He'd never really cared to. 

Until (and this was largely inspired by the '30 something Coomer and Bubby when Coomer first joined black Mesa by @inkwellstars) a new scientist was hired. Bubby largely ignored him except for trying to scare him away from any annoying attempts and friendship with some showy (if poorly controlled) pyrotechnics. But Coomer was just fascinated and made a terrible pun about his new coworker being 'a real hothead'. Which infuriated Bubby into taking an interest in him. Coomer remained the only person who was unfazed enough by the fire and the shark teeth to not just still hang around, but even tease him, no matter how hard Bubby tried to intimidate him out of it. Eventually, Bubby realized it was the last thing he actually wanted. That this man was the first person who he'd ever had treat him… Like a human being. And for the first time, he considers a world outside black Mesa. And it's somewhere he wants to go. He wants to follow this man when he walks out the sliding lab doors back to a world he'd never been a part of. 

Not that he's pining or anything!! Coomer was a married man, after all!(no way no sir not that). 

 Bubby has a lot of unmanaged anger because he just catches on fire if he gets too frustrated. After a discussion of Coomer's past boxing ambitions, they set up the underground boxing league mostly just as the two of them, letting Bubby actually let off some steam in a metaphorical instead of literal way. He gets his ass handed to him every time but it's nice to not be treated like either the boss' fragile, expensive toy or a living Molotov cocktail. Bubby learns a bit of fighting along the way,to boot. He gets much better at controlling his fire. Coomer picks him up in a "lift off the ground and spin around" bear hug when he manages to set something aflame without setting any part of himself alight first. Bubby somehow feels that was more important to him than the accomplishment itself. Eventually word gets out about the quite literal underground rings they've started up and it becomes a whole league and Bubby takes a more spectator role, contented to play coach to Coomer.

However, Coomer's impressive strength and fortitude aren't only noticed by an admiring(and sightly love struck) Bubby. Black Mesa decides to try, instead of using code to try to create a new entities with connection to the code, to use an existing character, enhance them, and then create copies of them. Coomer became that existing character.

At first it seemed to work perfectly. They had a character able to alter the world at their will(sending Gordon back and forth through time/creating portals), access a super human, nearly godlike state of power(super player feature) and alter the code in a multitude of other ways. They implemented a system of authorization to stop him from accessing these powers without permission from a handler. These PlayCoins could only be gained and used by someone directly connected to the console code or real world. Someone connected to that liminal space between code and reality the g-man exists in. However, trying to create duplicates didn't create a new, equally powerful entity, it just split the power of the original. From there, Coomer's spirit was still too powerful to be completely controlled, so they split him into dozens of clones, dividing up that power until he was within a range they could control. The effect on his psyche was devastating, however. It trapped him into the code of 'tutorial npc' but his response triggers got completely broken so he responds to the wrong things. Before the scripted events of the game in which those triggers are, it didn't affect his day to day behavior, but it did leave him with an inescapable partial awareness of the game itself. As split as he is, he can't understand or remember anything about what it means, it's just a constant disconnect between him and the game's reality. It causes his marriage to fall apart. 

Bubby doesn't know about what happened to Coomer. A lot of his own memories are controlled and tampered with as well. But he feels as though his getting close to Coomer caused his suffering and they end up drifting apart for a long time and Bubby's longing to see the world outside his laboratory home fades alongside their once strong bond.

Until. The other failed test tube character made from the mangled and stripped code of the security officer Barney who was torn out of the code to be twisted to the g man's whims comes to Bubby with an idea. The man who is not a man. Who has no parents and named himself : Benry.

Benry seemed like he should have been perfect. He kept the most physical resemblance to the original Barney, he seemed physically stable. As far as anyone could tell, he was completely connected to the console code. He should be able to control whatever he wanted, but besides the sweet voice and an unnatural fortitude, he seemed to have no remarkable qualities. Also he was all but totally incoherent. Memory, temporal and spacial awareness,and speech function were severely impaired. He often forgot where and when he was('... What happened to your arm?'), got his own memories confused with the memories of the now non-existent Barney ('you and me we used to be friends do you remember i don't know what happened'). Along with an erratic and unpredictable personality. He was considered another of countless failures and given a menial security job, like with Bubby, mostly just to keep an eye on him. Benry and Bubby, despite being practically siblings, aren't close, but do trust each other insomuch as they know the other probably won't outright kill them. 

But Benry was not as unremarkable as he seemed.

And the introduction of a new element would throw everything into chaos: The Player. And, by extension, The Game.

The Player, in this instance, refers to the assumed person who is playing the game in which the characters exist. They are a discrete, unseen, and unmentioned character, who is neither Wayne nor Gordon Freeman. Wayne is the actor playing both Gordon and, in ways The Player, in the same way that Holly is playing the character of Coomer. Gordon is the AI character who exists within the game world. He believes he is in control of his actions and that what he experiences is real. He exists on the same layer of fiction as the other AI such as the character of Coomer.  The Player is whomever, within the fiction of the series, is physically playing The Game.

The Game is the actual scripted, programmed events that were programmed in the "real world" (the Player's real world in which they live and are playing the Game). It represents the events that happen from the time the Player begins the game and when they complete it. The Game represents the overlap between the reality in which the AI exist and The Player's world. Presumably a copy of the original game Half Life. 

As the events of The Game draw nearer, it makes every charterer with a connection to the code antsy. Bubby starts thinking, for the first time in years, about the world outside black Mesa's walls. Thought becomes longing. Longing becomes desperation. A need to escape from here by any means necessary.

Benry approaches him with an idea. They'll sabotage the big test that Dr.Freeman is running. The whole thing will likely explode, causing enough destruction and distraction for them to slip away in the chaos (with Coomer in tow if Bubby could help it). Freeman would almost certainly die but that was a necessary casualty for their freedom. Bubby never liked him anyway. There was just something...off about him. Like a weird double vision he couldn't shake around the man. Like something was both there that shouldn't be and missing that should be. Bubby avoided him. He didn't think he'd ever had a single conversation with him. He agrees.

Benry stops Gordon at the entrance and tries to stall him as long as possible with bogus requests to give Bubby as much time to sabotage the test as possible (which he does by crawling inside the computers, claiming he's fixing a problem). 

However,Gordon is not connected to the console code, but directly to the real world through being controlled by The Player. As the Player triggers the scripted events of The Game, the holes and mangled code the g man and black Mesa have been tampering with start going haywire. Especially as Benry interacts with him directly. His latent connection to the console code starts activating, giving him ability to control himself and the game more and more, but his memory issues and temporal confusion makes him unable to determine what is and isn't real so his code powers start just making it real, beginning to actively break the Game from within. The bogus excuse about a passport (he forgot the word for ID and had to roll with the lie) became a reality and a powerful one. He starts teleporting and clipping through the walls.

Bubby starts the test, unaware of the change. He played along with the passport thing to not blow Benry's story. But by the time he reaches the chamber, it's already a real thing everyone else there had and should have. 

When the cascade starts, though, Bubby is caught off guard. It was just supposed to explode. It wasn't supposed to bridge dimensions and cause this rift. He assumes Gordon did something to cause it to fail so catastrophically. He phases through the window of the observation room (something he didn't even know he could do and likely didn't even realize he was doing and forgot afterwards since he was immediately knocked out) but it's too late to stop it.

Then the events of the Game are in full swing and all the broken code of every character crumbles and results in the "look Gordon! Ropes!" Glitched tutorial Coomer, a Bubby whose setting himself on fire on accident for the first time in years, and a Benry who transcends beyond the confines of his code into an extradimemsional Chimera of sorts who can pass in and out of the liminal G space, become and summon skeleton minions who also can be or not be in that space, able to be seen by anyone or just by someone able to perceive that plane of existence, such as Gordon.

As Coomer destroys his clones, he gets pieces of his power and fragments of memory back. Enough to know that they are clones and that killing them returns his powers to him. Bubby and he quickly rekindle their bond, with the memory tapering being undone.

Bubby is still desperate to leave, trying to get Gordon to go faster by guilting him and saying he wants to go home (though black Mesa is his actual home). However everything just seems to get more and more drawn out and they can never really make progress.

Benry convinces Bubby that Gordon is the reason that they can't leave. Bubby can sense that something is different about Gordon so he believes it. Benry may or may not believe it himself. He may have realized that leading the Player to the end would only end the Game and tried to subvert that path. Or the programmed event of Gordon's ambush might have just pushed them both to it. Impossible to say. 

In any case, Bubby is quickly also detained and put back in his tube.

With enough clones killed, and having accidentally jumped out of the play box and seen that there's nothing physically beyond black Mesa, Coomer becomes aware of and connected to the console code and aware of the "real world". He tries to use Gordon's connection to the Player to get to the real world, though at this point he can only understand it as the world of Gordon's "dreams". When Tommy kills all of the clones, then knocks out Coomer, it causes a full reset and Coomer becomes his full,unshattered self again. He still is limited by his need for authorization through PlayCoins, but he's much more coherent and quickly becomes completely aware of his situation within the Game and starts talking directly to the Player through Gordon at times. 

The rest is history. 

As for some other non directly related things: Tommy is g man's attempt at a more biological connection between the code and the game universe. Tommy is his son and has all the abilities of a g-man but is largely unable to use them and unaware of them due to his young age (comparatively to the immortal g man, 36 is still a child) and his innocence. He is also completely integrated with the game universe with no glitches from the union. Tommy is not aware he's the Gman's son. He thinks it's just some guy who bought him Vin Diesel and the minions. Tommy tends to use his powers entirely accidentally when he does, with the exception of creating Sunkist. In doing so he also surpassed his father's ultimate limit: creating a completely new element to the game without having to gut other code. He created the perfect dog out of completely new content he willed into existence. Unfortunately for G-Man, Tommy is far too pure and goodhearted to be used to any nefarious ends. 

#hlvrai #bubby #coomer #boomer #benry #gordon hlvrai #tommy coolatta

[noxleyfin]

Marvel Imagine: School Is Hell

Avengers x 15-Year-Old (F) Reader (School Is Hell)

→ a/n: I don’t know any of the actors personally nor do I own them or their characters. What’s written below is fiction and should be thought of and treated as such. I am essentially using them as a name-claim and face-claim. I’m creating my own character and using the actors as background characters, and just using their name and features for details. I do not directly associate the actors with any ideas used in my writing. This writing is to be used for entertainment and fictional purposes only. → summary: when stupid flash goes too far,, Peter and the Avengers have a new mission; to make you feel better → warnings: idiot Flash, bullying, language, comforting bois Peter and Bucky, bad writing → word count: 1.8k → completion: done → (Y/N) - Your Name

2rd Person POV

“Hey, Bitch!” The ever-annoying voice of Flash Thompson echoed through the hallway, reaching your ears immediately. 

Conversations stopped as Flash sauntered through the crowd like he owned the place, though, to him, he probably did. Flash was your typical elementary bully; he thought he was better than everybody because he and his parents were very affluent, and he liked to flaunt it. His mouth is always full of dumb insults he and his cronies think are so hilarious and he has different names ones for everyone. ‘Bitch,’ ‘Whore,’ and ‘Skank’ are his personal favorites for saved just for you.

He was convinced a while back that just because you said you had an internship at Stark Industries once, you were either lying to seem cool, or you were paying or having sex with one (or all) of the avengers. To any sane person, it would seem man, but to Flash, it was simple and you were the biggest slut in the school. 

“So, (Y/N)...hang out with any avengers recently?” Flash taunted but you only stared at him. “Which one did you have last night, hmm? Maybe it was Captain America or could it have been The Winter Soldier? Or maybe you had them both at the same time!”

Okay, that was too far, even for Flash. For one, you were a minor, and second, Steve and Bucky were like your uncles. Hell, you even call them ‘Uncle Steve’ and ‘Uncle Buck.’ 

Usually, you didn’t let Flash and his comments get to you but you were already having a bad day and Flash’s conspiracy theories’ weren’t helping any.

“Just leave me alone, Flash.” You went to walk around him but he just pushed you back into the lockers, causing a grunt of pain to fall from your mouth at the force.

“Just another question, Skank. Did you or did you not have sex with the avengers?” He asked once again. 

You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief, “You really are stupid, aren’t you, Flash?” Some people laughed at that. “No. FOr the last time, I am not having sex with Captain America or The Winter Soldier, or any of the avengers for that matter! I’m their assistant for god’s sake! Get it through your thick skull!” 

You were practically shaking by the time you finished ranting, you just couldn’t believe Flash was that thickheaded.

. You tried to walk past him again but he went harder the second time around. H walked away laughing while you did your best to cradle your bloody nose and blackening eye. A string of unsavory words escaped your mouth when you felt the blood seep through your fingers but no one paid you much attention. Every person in school is always up for watching the fights that take place but when it comes to after, they ran like scared mice. You were just glad Peter wasn’t there to see. 

“(Y/N), oh my god. Are you okay?”

Speak of the devil.

His face was full of worry as he handed you tissue after tissue, and held a wet tissue to your eye, all the while you tried to fight him off.

Peter was what you’d call an overprotective older brother friend. He also had an internship at Stark Industries and you were one of the few people he entrusted with his secret identity, leading you two to become very close. You were still a bit younger than him so when you met, he immediately became like an older brother to you.

“Pete, calm down. I’ll be okay.” You tried to reassure him but he wasn’t taking any of it. 

“I just wish I could go all Spiderman on him,” he responded with a sigh, making you smile sadly. 

“I know, Pete. I think I’m just gonna head home for the day. Get me the work, will you?” Before he could object, you walked out the doors. 

He felt defeated but couldn’t dwell on it long before Ned approached him from behind to lead him to their first class. 

10 hours later

Peter was on a mission, and the first step was making sure you were nowhere near him for the next hour or two, for good reason…he promises.

He entered the tower at exactly 5:30 and, after waving to the secretary Kayla, headed to the main elevator and went up to the common room. Luckily for him, all the avengers were there, and even luckier, you were nowhere to be seen. The beeping of the elevator caused the avengers to turn around, and see Peter. They frowned, however, when they saw his face. Normally, Peter would be smiling and barely able to stand still for more than a minute at a time., but today he was completely stoic and ignoring everyone’s greetings. He marched right past Same who was attempting to give him a high five and stood in the middle of the room.

“I need your help.” He said simply, startling the others. Peter Parker is not one to ask for help.

“Whatever is the matter, Son of Spiders?” Thor asked the teen. 

Peter took a deep breath, “It’s about (Y/N).”

At your name, the others tensed. You were like a daughter to most of the team, and a sister to Pietro and Wanda. If anything happened to your family, they would not hesitate to take you in, but if something had happened to you personally, well it would probably involve some kind of violence from the assassins. Different scenarios were running through everyone’s heads but Pietro was the one who spoke for the rest. 

“Vhat is wrong with (Y/N)?” 

Peter sighed once again, muttering something remarkably similar to “Lord, give me strength,” before explaining, “This kid named Flash has been harassing (Y/N)-,’

He was cut off by Rhodey. “Wait, harassing her how?”

“Today he got in her face saying things like she is…well having sex with you guys to keep her job. She tried to walk away but he punched her a few times.”

Silence followed his words. It was like someone had taken the oxygen right out of the room because none of the avengers felt like they could breathe. They were all in total shock. You were like a part of the big family and they would always admit that, they were extremely protective of you. 

Bucky was the first to speak, “Where does he live?” His voice was full of venom, you didn’t have to look close to see the veins popping out of his neck. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but for once I agree with the Tin Man.” Tony pointed out, ignoring Bucky’s annoyed glare pointed at him. 

Natasha was next. Peter had to do a double-take when he saw her fiddling with a set of throwing knives. “Where is (Y/N)? She didn’t show up for work yet.” She asked.

“She left school early so I’m not-,” Peter was cut off by the sound of the elevator arriving at the floor. 

Looking over for the second time in the past half hour, everyone saw you walk out the small room, head down as if you were ashamed. They see you visibly take a breath before raising your head revealing your state. 

Gasps were heard as well as a few curses from Bucky and Natasha, Bruse even let out a low growl. 

Steve stood up from his chair and approached you before anyone else had the chance to, “Hey, (Y/N). Why don’t you sit down for a while while I grab you an ice pack.” He offered but it sounded more like a demand. Still, you shook your head.

“I’m okay, Steve. Just a bit roughed up.”

Tony scoffed at that. “C’mon, (Y/N), you look like you just went two rounds with a tornado. Have a seat.” Tony patted the back of the chair for added effect but you shook your head once again.

“For real guys, I’m okay. I’m just gonna head up to the roof for a little bit, okay?” You tried to smile but they could tell it was forced. Heading  back towards the elevator, you were internally grateful to be out of that situation fast. 

When you were gone, Peter spoke up, unsureness and worry undermining his words, “Should ..?”

But Bucky cut him off before he could finish, “Nah, I got this. Relax, Kid, she’ll be fine.” He said and giving a nod to his best friend, made his own way to the elevator, requesting Friday to bring him to the roof.

When he arrived, the super-soldier saw your hunched form on the edge of one of the law couches Tony insisted be there (despite the fact that no one even went up there normally).

“Alright there, Doll?” He asked when you didn’t seem to notice him.

You didn’t answer.

Bucky sighed and sat next to you, “Peter told us what’s been going on. Who is this kid...Flash? Pretty dumb name if you ask me.”

This time you shrugged. “He just hates me because I work here and he doesn’t. I just don’t fit in there.” Your tone was sad as you spoke and Bucky could tell.

“I know what it's like to not fit in, Doll. I probably know it better than anyone." 

"Now hold on. Don't be narcissistic."

Bucky let out a boisterous laugh that you couldn’t help but giggle along to. In no time you two were laughing and throwing playful insults back and forth. Bucky even threw in a noogie at one point. 

“Feel better, Kid?” Bucky asked once silence settled between them.

“Yeah. Thanks for this, Uncle Buck.” You leaned into your surrogate uncle’s open arm and cuddled into the side of his chest, trying not to show yourself shivering. 

“It’s cold up here. Wanna head to bed now?”

“In a minute.”

While you said only a minute, the two of you stayed up on the roof all night watching the sunrise replace the stars in the sky as the morning dew appeared on the nearby plants by the seating area. Bucky would be lying if he said he had seen something prettier because, at that moment, he was thankful to whoever was up above for this young girl next to him; and while he didn’t completely understand what you were going through at the moment, he understood what it was like to not fit in. You reminded him a whole lot of his kid sister, Rebecca, from before the war. She was always so spunky and didn’t take any crap from anyone, just like you. 

Hearing soft snores, he glanced over and saw you asleep on his left shoulder. He chuckled lowly and stood up carefully, plucking you from the couch and carrying you in his arms to the elevator. When Friday took him to your floor, he let the AI open the door for him; he set you down on your bed gently, but when he went to leave, a hand reached out and gripped his wrist. 

“Stay...please?” You asked sleepily. 

Bucky smiled. “Course, Doll.” He laid on top of the covers and allowed you to cuddle up to his metal arm.

#marvel #marvel imagine #tony stark #steve rogers #bucky barnes #sam wilson #natasha romanoff #bruce banner #thor odinson #wanda maximoff #pietro maximoff #peter parker #bad writing #i suck at writing #kill me slowly

[mimzy-writing-online]

I'm incredibly sorry for this ask , but I'd like the opinion of different writers. I have this story I have finished. It's has been re-read, edited, polished. It's technically done. The story is consistent, the pacing is okay. But what I don't like is how the characters are portrayed. They lack life, and I think it may be because during the years I improved my writing, and now I'm sure I'd be able to do better. What would you do? Would you rewrite the story from scratch? Thanks in advance.

First, no worries about asking for advice. That’s legit what I’m here for. And having been in the same position you are now, (twice) I know how impossible it feels.

Off the bat, advice I would recommend: 

Beta Reading: Get some fresh eyes to look at it, ideally someone who 1) reads books in that genre and that age range, and 2) has no obligation to worry about your feelings.

Thoroughly consider why you want to rewrite it: make an actual pros and cons list. It sounds silly, but it helps because you realize what decision you’re arguing for, what your instinct says.

Give yourself a shot at attempting a rewrite. Give yourself a set time limit to try it out. Your current book isn’t going anywhere and publishing takes forever anyway, so what’s another month or another three months?

At the end of this trial run you can ask yourself: Did a rewrite make it better? Do the characters and their world feel more alive? Even if it looks like a mess, given more time to finish and edit, would it look better than the original?

If you find you like the characters better, if you feel like you know them better, then you can consider going through the book and highlighting where they feel out of character compared to your new understanding of the characters

Watch Whispers of the Heart. I mean it! It’s a Studio Ghibli movie, and I swear to god it will inspire you and make this decision a little easier. The whole movie is about developing your creative craft. Its overall analogy is that of a geode. Your craft looks rough and sloppy on the outside, but with time, practice, and love you’ll find the beauty hidden underneath and make it shine. Amazing movie, it will change how you think about writing.

Now, finally, ask yourself: Is this the story I want to debut with? Is this the story I want to begin my writing career with?

This will be when you make your decision.

That’s the most objective advice I can give you. Since you’re asking a lot of writers for their stance, you’ll probably have a few different opinions, but I think running through this troubleshoot method will give you a chance to see for yourself.

My biased opinion?

It comes from my own experience with A Witch’s Memory. 

This is about to be a very long story, fair warning, but it’s my entire thought process over 7-8 years of working on and off with the same project. A big part of the reason why I’m going in depth about the experience is because I keep going back to what you said:

“I think it may be because during the years I improved my writing, and now I'm sure I'd be able to do better. What would you do?”

The same thing happened to be. I started the series when I was much younger, but in the 7.5 years since then I’ve changed a lot as both a person (not adult/not teenager) and as a writer (who’s had several projects since then). I’m gonna walk you through 7.5 years of personal development and how it affected the project.

I joke that A Witch’s Memory has three universes, and those universes are all different rewrites. I first started the series I was seventeen. I finished the rough drafts of three books in the series and got down to full on editing the first book after I graduated high school. Within a year I had a finished novel that wasn’t necessarily polished (not by my standards today) but at the time I was ready to move forward and publish. I sent query letters out to lit agents but didn’t get any bites back. I didn’t get to work at it for long due to health issues, my whole body kind of just crashed so for six months I was too sick to do much of anything, let alone stress myself out over query letters. I started community college the next semester and got more involved in school than in writing.

17 when I started, 18 when I started editing, 19 when I queried and got sick, almost turning 20 when I started college.

I put the book on hold for another year and focused on school. During that time I had a lot of personal development as a person. I got more experience being myself, being an adult who can make decisions for themself.

And I realized that at age 19 I’d developed a lot of insecurities about my book.

In my case, it was the world building. I love my characters, and at their heart they’re still the same, albeit a bit more realistic. I re-examined what about the world building I didn’t like.

It felt too much like Twilight to start, with the way vampires and werewolves were supposed to hate each other, and witches and fairies hated each other, because that just made sense to a 17 year old who had never read paranormal before Twilight changed the direction of the genre.

I didn’t like magic being a secret that no human could know about, so I changed that. I didn’t like my character’s backstories too much, so I tweaked that too. For the best.

At age 20/21 (it was right around my birthday) I rewrote the entire first book. After finishing the rough draft I looked at editing it, looked at starting the rough draft of the second book, and I realized I didn’t like this version either.

So I put it on hold for anther two years. I worked on two different projects, experimented with writing style, got to know myself as a person better.

At 23 I reexamined what I didn’t like about “Universe 2″ and I realized-

I wasn’t comfortable with the way the book was written now. Too many main characters meant to many pov changes and too many personal plot lines to plan. I could see from the beginning how much I favored Anna and Ulric and Felix over my other main characters, so I cut my cast of six main characters down to three, focusing on my favorites. I also saw that the setting wasn’t working for me and it would be a lot less stress for me to chance the setting to somewhere I was more familiar with, setting it mostly in America instead of the U.K.

And I decided to stop worrying about what my past beta readers would think if the book didn’t look the same in “Universe 3″ and to just run with my heart.

(For any wondering, the beta reader in question is my mum, who has been the biggest supporter of my writing since I was 14 and believed I would be published even when I was ready to give up writing and work at a different career. She’s very attached to “Universe 1″ but it’s not where I want to go, and I know she’ll love this new direction when she reads it)

I started the rough draft for Universe 3 in January of 2019 (almost a year ago to the day I’m writing this). I did it on a whim. I had a dream of Anna and Ulric flying to safety from a villain on a broomstick and I asked myself why witches never had broomsticks in my old world, and I was like “why not, let’s add it”

And I just messed with world building. I aimed it for a more whimsical feel than my older angsty versions. I’m gonna blame all the Studio Ghibli movies I saw that year. Some of my local theatres have been doing special weekends where they show the movies, and I’ve gone to see four in the last year or so. I saw Kiki’s Delivery Service a few months earlier with my best friend (A) and then a month after starting the new draft I saw Howls Moving Castle and Spirited Away (same week, I think, all in theatre) and then as I was finishing the rough draft I saw Whispers of the Heart for the first time.

(this was the moment I realized that specific movie would help A LOT on this decision making process, so I included it above)

Anyway, I just gave myself permission to go in a completely different direction with my book.

I should note, that at 23 I had been visually impaired/blind for some 3 years, although it wasn’t medically official until I was 22. I’d also fallen in love for the first time and broken my own heart. I’d also spent the last two years struggling with gender and sexual identity and really starting to understand that part of myself. 

So in general, the whole experience with those last two years of my life really changed the direction I took the book. 

I focused more on internal struggle as well as the outside “main bad guy” I’d always been planning to work with. It 

I kept the heart of my characters the same. Anna is still the kindest person you’ll ever meet, as well as sarcastic and brilliant and studious. Ulric is an anxious mess who is crazy loyal to his friends and who wants to gain his own independence. Felix is still a brat, but a loving one with the dryest sarcasm and a penchant for mischief.

Anna’s more cautious than her original incarnation. Ulric wasn’t disabled in previous versions (but at 23 I was disabled and I wanted to write a blind character, but I didn’t want blindness to be their only trait, so I took my most developed character and made him blind). Some of the characters are POC instead of white, I let myself have multiple LGBTQ characters (because 17 year old me thought the token queer was the norm because I only had one queer friend before that and we weren’t that close) and I changed some origin stories. It’s much better for that.

Growing up taught me how to put more life in my books, how to write more realistically less melodramatically, and what it feels like to have friends. Seventeen year old me didn’t have many friends in life, but 24 year old me has some wonderful friends.

Summary in Short?? (can I even do that?)

This advice post is getting long and I’m feeling bad, so okay, here I am: I’m almost 25 (in March). 17 and 23 year old me were very different people with different priorities and different levels of experience. And if I had to choose which book I would go with? 

I’d stay with Universe 3 (and Universe 1 will just be a thing my mum and I know and keep to ourselves, mostly)

I’m nearly done with the 1st edit. I still have days of self doubt, but they’re nothing like what I had years ago. I’m closer to publishing than I was before, mostly because I have a solid plan now and I’ll be self-publishing, allowing me to publish on my own.

In my case, rewriting was the best decision I could have made. I’m not everyone else though, nor am I you. You know yourself and your story better than anyone, and I know you are the most qualified person to make that decision. I have confidence in your ability.

#writing community #writeblr #writing advice #writing tips #anon #ask #Mimzy answers an ask #dear god I hope this helped #Anonymous

[parabellum-rpg-archive]

Congratulations, Joss! You’ve been accepted to play Julius Heller. Your request to change his FC to Chris Evans, and his school to West Point, has also been approved. Please make your page and send it in within 24 hours.

Admin note: Hi, I’m obsessed with the detail in this application! I love how much thought you put in to his motivations and his history with Karina. I can’t wait to see Julius on the dash! - Admin M

IC INFORMATION —

CHARACTER DESIRED

Julius Heller

DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER IN YOUR OWN WORDS

Julius was pretty much force-fed the need to sacrifice for God and country from the age of 3. His father intended his son to follow in his footsteps, maybe be a full-bird colonel or even a general. Julius was smart and adaptable, he had to be with how he grew up, and he didn’t have close ties to any one place in particular. Add on a father whose love and respect was based solely on how willing Julius was to say how hi when his father said jump and you have the perfect candidate for the clandestine services. People from happy functional families don’t tend to become spies.

Working for the CIA wasn’t quite what he imagined, but it was thrilling nonetheless. His focus was Russia and working dealing with bot farms and counterespionage. He ended up dealing with the Russian Mafia’s encroachment on the US and developing connections in the mob in Moscow and St. Petersberg. After the Ukrainian revolution, he was sent to the Crimea to gather intel about Russian separatists and the Ukrainian forces trying to fight back against them. He ended up deep undercover, dating the daughter of a Russian-backed politician suspected of funding anti-Chechen terrorist activities.

Karina. Oh Karina. She wasn’t the first love of Julius’s life, but she was the one who got to him when he was vulnerable and in need of someone to hang onto. She was trouble, the kind of trouble he should’ve known to avoid, with a drug problem and an attitude that she could get away with anything because of who she was. But she got him in important doors, and lying next to her in bed at night made him feel like someone might love him at least a little for who he really was, even if he wasn’t sure who that was anymore.

Karina got into a new kind of trouble: playing at the games her father was involved in. She didn’t seem to understand why Julius would object, when he was the one neck-deep in it too, and it resulted in a fight that only ended when she called him to tell him she was pregnant. She also revealed that she’d been using his name to engage in all kinds of bad behaviour and had gotten him so deep in shit that even he couldn’t get out. He was going to get pulled by his handler and be sent back stateside. She told him if he left her, she’d reveal everything he’d been up to and make trouble for him with the Russian Mafia, blowing up his whole mission. She knew just enough that if she told the wrong people, he’d get outed and burned and probably end up dead.

While he was trying to find a way to bring her home with him, still convinced that they could have a family and be together, despite all the evidence to the contrary, Karina disappeared. At first, Julius assumed she was doing it on purpose to force him to acquiesce to her demands. Then, he was simply frantic, using contacts he only had for life or death situations to try and find her. She was found by Ukrainian police in an alley, dead of an overdose. The media called it a tragic accident and hinted that it might be a suicide, while her father accused first the Ukrainians and then his own Russian contacts of having her killed. Only Julius knew that the Chechens had been tipped off about her involvement in her father’s business there. And that sent him down the rabbit hole of not knowing whether or not his own organization was to blame; whether they’d weighed the likelihood of his own death or hers and come up with an equation that he couldn’t be a part of.

There is Julius pre-Karina and Julius post-Karina, and it’s the defining moment where he went against God and country and had to discover who he actually was as a person. He’s still figuring that out. What is the difference, after all, between someone who commits crimes for personal gain and someone who does it for the flag? Is he any better than a criminal himself? Half his co-workers retired and became arms dealers or corporate security chiefs who engage in morally grey activities in foreign countries where no one is watching. Who is he if he’s not the good guy? He’d always believed that a good guy doing a bad thing for the right reasons was better than a bad guy doing the same thing for the wrong reasons. Now he’s not so sure there’s even such a thing as good guys and bad guys at all.

His involvement with the Sinclairs has left him feeling even more confused. If he’s keeping someone safe, but he’s doing so for criminals, is he better than he was when he was getting people killed for the government? His moral quandaries are something he tries not to dwell on, the kind of man who acts and doesn’t worry about second-guessing because it will get you killed, but years of turning off his moral compass has made it impossible to shut it off anymore.

What’s worse is there are people in the Sinclairs that he likes, that he cares about, who matter to him. Not getting attached was supposed to be part of his job, but having done it once with Karina, it’s become a habit he doesn’t know how to quit.

All of this would suggest a brooding, angsty man who weeps into his whiskey quietly in his apartment while it rains, only of course he’s too manly to actually weep. But Jules is the opposite of that. He’s had to become pathologically well-liked as part of his CIA training, and it’s carried forward into his new line of work. He can sit down at a table and make friends with whoever happens to be there, so that by the end of the evening, he knows the name of everyone’s spouse, children, mistress, and favourite sports team. Jules can get secrets out of people and they don’t even realize he was the one who asked in the first place.

He doesn’t let a lot of people in, and even when he found Paityn and protected her, almost on a whim, he still struggled to let himself care for her. She reminded him of Karina, trouble that needed him and fulfilled that part of him that wanted to be the knight in shining armour when he’d spent his life hiding in the shadows. But she and her mother have wormed their way into his life, so that he now even has weekly coffees with Penny to discuss her family and frets over Paityn if she doesn’t check in even on his days off. He’s dangerously close to considering at least part of the Sinclairs as something almost like family, which he hasn’t had since he joined the service, and it would frighten him if he let himself think about it.

WRITING SAMPLE

Once upon a time, Julian Helmann had thought he knew what right and wrong were. Now he knew he had no idea. After years of wearing a variety of masks and using so many different names that he sometimes forgot which one was real, he was back in the country that he’d loved but never really known. He had a new identity, which had cost him his retirement fund. His former handlers at Langley had agreed to quietly retire him provided he accepted that Julian Helmann was burned in the intelligence community, never able to work for any government, disavowed by the service and made known to every agency willing to listen. He’d signed along the dotted line and hadn’t told them all to eat shit, because he was too tired to care. It was over, that was the important thing.

So he was now Julius Heller, and that was who he would be for the rest of his life. Or until something new happened that required him to leave this one behind. He’d learned not to rely on anything remaining the same. Being adaptable was what kept you alive.

He’d picked Chicago because it was unfamiliar to him. He’d never lived there with his family growing up, there were no military bases near enough to bother him, and it seemed like a city that didn’t require you to have a past. No one needed to know his life story, they simply knew that he was here now.

Case in point, he’d been coming to the Sinclair bar for a month and had made friends with three bartenders and five locals. None of them cared about what he’d done before arriving in Chicago, other than making sure he wasn’t a fan of the wrong sports team. He’d spent his life worrying about the motives of every stranger he came across, so it was refreshing to know that he was surrounded by people engaged in the kind of lifestyle that meant he already knew what their motives were, and that they didn’t care about him. Maybe he’d spent too much time in Russia. Maybe he couldn’t really get along with anyone but criminals anymore. When you’d spent fifteen years of your life learning how to do a thing, it was simply possible you couldn’t stop.

Of course he knew who they were. He’d chosen the bar for that very reason. What better place to blend in than a bar where everyone had rap sheets and a pressing desire not to answer questions? They weren’t even that bad, as gangs went. They didn’t kill your whole family as a lesson if you fucked up while you watched. Chicago had been run by the Irish and the Italians, who would probably hate to hear that that marked them as soft when it came to organized crime syndicates, but Jules had chosen it over places with a heavy Russian influence. Sure, the Russians were moving on Chicago, they moved on anywhere they could, but they didn’t have a stranglehold on the place yet. If they did, he supposed he would have to leave. He was used to that.

There’s a quiet after an explosion that most people don’t realize. The blast itself isn’t so much loud as it is an attack on the senses. You don’t even process it as sound because it blows out your eardrums. And then there’s just quiet, and a ringing that slowly grows louder and louder. You can feel it in your head, your teeth, your chest. You’re dripping blood from your ears, your nose, anywhere the shrapnel has hit, and the world feels a lot like if you’ve been pulled into the undertow, and you don’t know which way is up. It is one of the most disorienting sensations, and there’s no way to get used to it. Whether it’s your first explosion, or your 30th, you handle it the same way, which is badly.

Julius was outside the bar, which wasn’t hard, since there was now a much larger entrance than there had been, wondering if Vladimir had found out who he was and had sent a message about the thing in Vladivostok. A man pointed a gun at him and was probably screaming, Jules’s ears hadn’t adjusted yet. He’d be at least half-deaf for three days. Reading lips was never as accurate as people thought, but even in his current state, Jules could tell it was in English. And more, that the man didn’t have Soviet teeth, so he wasn’t Russian. Ukrainian, maybe?

“Ya ne rozmovlyayu anhliysʹkoyu.” I don’t speak English. Julius couldn’t even hear his own voice, didn’t know if he was shouting it or if it just felt that way. He kept his hands up, trying to wipe the blood off of his face on the inside of his elbow. The words, “fucking Sinclairs” was clear enough that Jules felt comfortable assuming this was not, in fact, a hit on him.

While debating whether or not to simply lie down on the ground and let things take their natural course, he saw a crumpled form with hair that caught the streetlight glow. It was a girl. She reminded him suddenly of Karina, the way they’d found her behind Yuzhnoe. He’d looked at the crime scene photos, still had them, couldn’t stop looking, as if something was going to finally tip him off and tell him for sure what had happened.

The yelling man with the gun had stopped pointing it at Julius, also having noticed the girl, and was walking towards her, firing and missing. The Costellos really needed to offer better firearms training. Julius shot the man in the head three times in quick succession, twice in the main body cavity as well just for good measure. Scooping up what turned out to be a handy little assault rifle that was definitely not street legal, Julius kicked the corpse several times just to be absolutely sure.

The girl was small, smaller than Karina had been, she weighed almost nothing as Julius rolled her over and checked for injuries. His hearing was fucked, so he kept having to look up, checking for cops or reinforcements. When he saw them coming, he was disappointed to realize it wasn’t the cops. Cops he could handle. This was going to be complicated.

Throwing her over a shoulder, he flicked the gun to semi-auto and sprayed a pattern directly at the oncoming car, causing it to spin out and hit the curb trying to avoid the bullets. That gave him time to unlock his car and toss the girl into the back seat. Button-lock cars were really a lifesaver.

The street ahead was suddenly blocked off by an SUV, and the car behind was moving to block him off as well. Fabulous. Turning, he noted that the girl was coming around. “Hey, I need you to get down and hide in the foot well, okay? Just … don’t move and don’t open the car for anyone. I’ll be back in a minute.” After a moment, he dug his phone out and tossed it to her. It was a burner anyway. “If I’m not back in five minutes, call 911 and then the first number in the contacts, tell them you need an extraction. Someone will come, okay?” Looking out the window, he judged he had maybe 30 seconds before they were about to have company. “Everything’s gonna be okay, I promise. You’re gonna be fine.”

Four minutes and 12 seconds later, he opened the driver’s side door, dripping blood from a graze across his bicep. It would sting but wouldn’t kill him. The SUV that had been blocking his path was now on fire and the one behind them had a small semi-circle of bodies around it. The girl was still there, looking dazed and so small. Her eyes seemed to take up most of her face. Karina’s face had been different. He reminded himself of that. Not the same. Different girl, different country, different him. “Let’s get you home, okay?”

#accepted

[thehivemindwrites]

A  Series of Disconnected Thoughts, Cast into the Void in No Particular Order

1. I’ve been finding myself thinking more and more about Kill Six Billion Demons recently. Not just because it’s absolutely gorgeous artwork and Moebius-meets-prog-metal stylings are extremely my shit (KSBD is responsible for adding Gojira to my rotation of workout music, and that alone has me in its debt), but because I can really appreciate a main character who is a walking disaster coming to some kind of enlightenment through a combination of getting her ass handed to her repeatedly, making questionable decisions, and basically just deciding to struggle forwards because I don’t know, what the fuck else is there to do? It’s hardly original (see: basically any shounen about The Power of Friendship and Not Giving Up) but damn if the presentation of it in this particular case isn’t particularly delightful. Plus it gave us the image of a giant hulking demon wearing a jacket that says KILL BOSS and that’s rad.The creator of KSBD is also co-creator, as it happens, of the newly released Lancer TTRPG, which I backed on Kickstarter and will, one day, get a rad fucking hardcover copy of (but for now I’m reading through the pdf and swearing oaths that one day I will play it). Anyway, as someone who also got where he is through a series of questionable decisions and getting his ass handed to him by life in general (oh, and an enormous amount of luck), I can relate. Plus the phrase “Reach heaven through violence,” while kind of terrible on the surface, feels good to shout at yourself while you’re off for a run. 

2. Part of this whole exercise thing - a side-effect of it, if you wanna call it that - is that generally I feel better about myself like in general. I’ve mentioned that before. What it doesn’t do, of course, is magically mean that I’m now 100% good and not still dogged by a persistent sense of self-loathing that I’ve just had to accept will never really go away. Like for example: I’ve lost 35 kg since starting this whole gym thing, except you might remember the goal was 40. I still haven’t hit that goal, and frankly I’ve spent the last like three months bouncing around the same like, 3 kg zone because I’ve been traveling a lot and that basically fucks up my workout and eating routine. It’s frustrating, and it sure does let the part of me that knows deep down that I’m a fat fucker and always will be no matter what I do run wild from time to time. Which is, I’m coming to understand, just gonna always be there. This stuff doesn’t go away! Ever! 

Which doesn’t mean it’s right, even a little. You tune it out and throw yourself into battle with it over and over again. You get bloodied and broken and claw back and then you get bloodied and broken some more. Insert that gif from Princess Bride of Westly saying LIFE IS PAIN, HIGHNESS here. Thing is, there’s something about the struggle that’s nice. I am not sure how motivated I’d be to do anything if part of it wasn’t motivated by the desire to prove my dumb brain wrong about, uh, me. If I wasn’t fighting the various little demons that plague me every so often, I doubt I’d be so well-adjusted. I certainly wouldn’t be mentally healthy. None of this makes sense as I read it back, of course - it sounds like I’m saying “boy it’s nice to be miserable,” which isn’t true. Being miserable sucks shit! I don’t recommend it! But it is nice to see misery coming and punch it in the face (metaphorically speaking). Sometimes I think the thing that makes me go to the gym and work so hard (this sounds like I’m bragging, but I can assure you I’m not - “work so hard” means “not collapse and fall off the elliptical after five minutes because oh god I don’t want to be here”) is out of some desire for self-annihilation through pushing myself past my physical limits. Reach heaven through violence (see, I told you it sounded cool).

3. The world has gotten really fucking bad for a lot of people, and I don’t know that it will get better for them any time soon. In fact, given the latest talk from the ol’ UN Climate Change report, it’s gonna get even worse. I would very much prefer that were not the case! It’s motivation enough to get out and vote and shit, at least for me - and as someone who is, you know, ridiculously privileged, that’s the absolute least I can do. Which is why I try to do more, mostly involving donating money to causes that seem like they’re able to cause the sort of trouble that needs to be caused. Or just use expertise to protect the people I don’t know how to protect, because I’m a lot of things, and one of them happens to be smart enough to know that I don’t know shit. So I make sure people that do know shit have the money they need. Pretty straightforward, I think. 

The other thing I try to do, because giving money isn’t really something I think about much at all (I’m stupidly fucking fortunate to have a job that pays well, remember), is occasionally go out and actually be present at protests and the like - there are a lot of climate protests and they’re all a good time. Occasionally it’s worth overcoming one’s intense social anxiety to do so. Lord knows it’s significantly less of a risk for me to be out shouting at cops than most. 

4. She-Ra might be one of the best shows out there. There’s something nice about a show that both does and does not present a simple world. Yes, the Horde is bad. Like, objectively bad! They do a lot of looting and subjugating and are generally just deeply not chill people.On the other hand, the people who make up the Horde are still people, and I have a lot of time for a show that can manage to humanize its Big Bad Villain whilst still making it very clear they are  still, you know, not good. It’s messy, and complicated, and sad, because sometimes you have to fight people you used to be friends with! Sometimes you have to make the call that hey, we can’t be friends anymore, because I can’t support the things you’re doing anymore. I’ve made that call before - I bet everyone has, at some point (if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ll have to eventually). Fortunately for me, it’s never been that difficult of a choice, if only because the people I had to go against weren’t people I’d known for very long. 

Anyway, that’s part of it - you gotta just cut people out sometimes. There’s more to it though, because the other thing the show believes is that everyone - even the real shitty people - can change. It doesn’t mean everything’s forgiven, and it doesn’t erase all the bad shit, but they can still change. It’s worth changing, even if it isn’t a cure-all. 

So yeah, I like She-Ra a lot. It’s also just well-written, and funny, and it’s a real good time to see a bunch of diverse characters running around having adventures and being fuckin’ rad. Plus, they’ve shown an incredible willingness to completely change the stakes from season to season - the end of season four in particular is  the equivalent of detonating all the things you thought were important. It pulls a bait and switch so ruthless that I might have applauded if I wasn’t so self-conscious about making noise that my neighbors might hear. The combination of season 3 and 4 was a masterclass on raising the stakes and then explaining that actually, you were playing for stakes even higher than you could’ve thought possible. Oh, and the people you thought you could trust were just using you, and hey, what if we got rid of the thing that you’ve more or less defined yourself by for the entire show? Good luck in season five, motherfucker! I’m a fan, is what I’m saying.

6. Work on Vanquisher 2103 continues apace. I mentioned this before, but we’re doing a once-a-month schedule while the holidays and work beat my ass into the ground, and as it turns out I really enjoy taking a full month to write a chapter. It’s a comically slow pace, but it’s working for me and hopefully the fact that the chapters have tended to be a little longer (and allowed me to expand on ideas a little more, and do a little more research here and there) makes it worth the longer wait. I’d like this thing to be good! There’s a part of my brain, again, that will always insist that nobody reads this and it’s bad and I’m fucking up, constantly - that point, at least, is probably accurate. I am writing characters who in theory have life experiences that are very much Not Mine, which involves a lot of reading things from people who would know better than I do. It’s nerve-wracking, and the only thing I am bone-deep certain of is that I’ll fuck up and hopefully y’all will forgive me for fucking up when that happens. I’ll keep reading and refining and eventually maybe it’ll be okay. Hopefully, anyway.

7. I went to Ireland and guys, Ireland is bullshit. I am offended by its gorgeous cliff-sides and open grasslands and heart-rending beauty. The immense friendliness of the people I met and the fact that you can’t sit in a pub without hearing some dude play a jaunty reel on a tin whistle or accordion or something is a personal insult. I was Arthur Dent angrily demanding to know why this bloody fish is so good the whole time.

I cultivated an immense drinking habit while there. I was also approached by a random German tourist who somehow clocked that I could speak German and we shouted about socialism for an hour auf Deutsch. I met some woman from Louisiana and we ended up having drinks a couple nights in a row to talk about traveling in general and Germany in particular, because her ex-husband is German. There were some Swedish retirees who were both very pleased by their country’s social safety net and also depressingly sour about the fact that refugees got cheap dental care - we might have had some harsh words exchanged before more drinks helped smooth over our frank discussion of differing viewpoints. I had to explain American health care to some people from the UK who were surprisingly gung-ho about the idea of privatized medicine until they talked to me (one of them talked about how the UK used to be an Empire and could be again in such a way that made me want to throw things. We did not talk for very long because I couldn’t fuckin’ handle it). These were strangers that I willingly engaged, because I was having an adventure, and I guarantee none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been going to the gym and committed to the idea of proving the voice in my head that tells me I’m an awkward mess that nobody would ever want to talk to in their life wrong (also, let’s be honest, if I hadn’t had several pints of cider at the time). 

By the end of the trip if I heard one more pub singer’s version of Whisky in the Jar though, that I was gonna produce my pistol and fucking shoot myself in the head.

Go to Ireland if you can. If you live there, fuck you how dare you live somewhere that rad.

8. I didn’t have an eighth thing but I’m committed to this “each thing is numbered” bit which means that even the end of this thing has to follow the trope. This is the end of the post where I say “okay bye I’ll be back the next time I get the urge to throw a bunch of highly unpolished ideas out.” 

[tsainami]

wip prep tag #2

tagged by: @isherwrites​ tysm!! sorry it took this long to get to.

rules: answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

last time i did this it was for cheat (which you can find here), this time i’ll do grave mercy.

FIRST LOOK

1. describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch).

a girl against a theocracy (but for its religion) and a boy against its religion (but for the theocracy) who have very ? confusing ? backgrounds ? (and are vampires) somehow end up meeting while investigating a cannibalistic angel. they end up doing something ridiculous together: unraveling ‘god.’

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

as far as i can see where the plot’s going, probably a trilogy.

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

vampires. religious ones! in priestly/nun-ly (not a word) clothing! which comes in mostly white or bright colors because they’re not fans of black vestments. black armor yes, black clothes no. and since there’s vampires, there’s blood. but also gore. and also cults. and devils, angels, monsters, conspiracy! plus a lot of french gothic architecture.

4. What other stories inspire your novel?

book of the ancestor trilogy by mark lawrence. if you’ve read it, it’s probably obvious.

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel.

i haven’t done any edits for this a whole either rip. it’s not much right now, but here’s its pinterest board.

MAIN CHARACTER

6. Who is your protagonist?

my main protagonist is a girl called ines nenci. she’s a novice at a convent known (or, unknown) to reform young girls whose faith are tainted.

7. Who is their closest ally?

her closest friend is this younger novice named dafne who she constantly worries about and is very protective of. she views dafne as her closest ally, and throughout the story she retains that sentiment. objectively speaking though, it’s probably reuven. after they meet and her fight or flight response when it comes to him calms down lol.

8. Who is their enemy?

the theocracy. namely the ava santi who sits at its head. and also herself.

9. What do they want more than anything?

this is going to sound anticlimactic maybe, but emotional comfort and security. ines really just wants to stop having to be scared all the time. stop having to hold on to anger and allow herself to finally express her hurt and pain after all the years she’s spent oppressing it. she wants to depend on someone and be able to trust them instead of just being the one depended on while in truth she’s just being manipulated. she honestly just. wants. inner peace (lol).

10. Why can’t they have it?

there are many reasons. let’s start with a few minor obstacles in the shape of people who keep her alive solely for the purpose of using her to further their ambitions: 1. the abbess of the convent. this chick keeps ines in her house only to serve as a tool in her plot of overthrowing the theocracy. the convent’s pretty much a facade for this group of heretics to eventually hold some sort of rebellion. but they’re being really dirty about it. 2. the ava santi (aka ye olde pope). he killed her dad. he was also supposed to kill her, but this amazing idea popped up in his brain and he decided “nay, send her to the convent dear men o’mine.” reasons for this is because a) he hates that fucking place and has wanted it dead for years and b) he can’t touch that fucking place because politics and also One Deep and Dark Secret that would cost his position and probs life should it be exposed. 3. the so-called cannibalistic angel she meets, whose reasons for using her are too spoilery to share at the moment. but it’s got something to do with the one ‘god’ of their faith.

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

that she’s cursed. it’s repeated a lot in the first chapter, actually. her dad’s death and some of his last words really drilled it in her. and it makes sense, because her existence is scorned by the faith and she learns more and more about this (with the misfortune of having to witness her papa burn ffs as lesson 1 of all things) as she grows up.

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

she’s got thick, wavy black hair. pretty long (goes up to mid-back i think) and it’s always braided and then tied up into a low bun. she’s always wearing her habit (which is white) and even if she isn’t she tries to wear something close (usually white too) because it makes her feel secure. she has a black cloak she wears when she goes walking around the capital or the woods (that she really and i mean really knows how to work, especially when she’s killing something so not too much of nasty stuff stains her clothes). usually armed to the teeth. hidden blades everywhere. though you can’t really see that i guess. 

sometimes, she carries a sword.

PLOT POINTS

13. What is the internal conflict?

ines is moroi, which is a race that is treated little better than rabid dogs are in montevena. there aren’t many moroi in existence any more because of wars that involved genocide long ago + the fact that as moroi all you have to do to get sentenced to death sometimes is to accidentally bump into someone. anyway, her internal conflict mostly revolves around her struggle between hating what she is and yet having to depend so heavily on it. she wants to separate herself from being moroi, but that’s impossible since she has to face it everyday. even if people weren’t there to remind her, her body can’t lie. she really, really hates it but there’s no other choice but to live with it.

14. What is the external conflict?

everyone is against the theocracy for their own reasons and the theocracy is against everyone. the teams switch up sometimes though and things get wild when a cannibalistic angel appears and the OG residents of the world, the devil-gods, get weaved into the mayhem (did i mention this takes place in an au hell? because it does).

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?  

if ines is put through what she went through as a child, having her world break like that (it wasn’t only her dad’s death, it was all the things about the world she was totally clueless about because up until then her dad had limited her knowledge of it, so her whole life was a big fat lie), it would be B A D. the people currently capable of hurting her that way is an older nun from the abbey named sister aura and dafne.

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

huge spoilers so i’ll be vague. something monumentally of relevance to not just ines or reuven, but the whole world is a total sham. also if you can believe it or not, aliens are involved (but it totally isn’t what it sounds like lmao).

17. Do you know how it ends?

a little, but not too well right now.

BITS AND BOBS

18. What is the theme?  

there’s an absolute truth to everything. but a lot of the times it gets corrupted by people with ill-bred intentions. that doesn’t mean the truth itself is horrible, though. so it’s always good to discriminate and keep in mind that, just like that guy who yells about global warming but clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about while he goes ‘round the world in private jets that secrete shit tons of shit, sometimes we don’t know everything either.

19. What is a recurring symbol?  

i have no idea. (yet)

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

a city-state called montevena which is loosely based off of vatican city but much more french gothic and kinda creepy. later the story moves through parts of canza, one of the three sanctified states that reuven is from.

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

yes. predominantly one that occurs in a cave.

22. What excited you about this story?  

the development of the characters. particularly ines, reuven, gabriele, dafne, hazael, mirta and other supporting characters (including the abbess and the ava). it’s just... so interesting. i low-key had a mindfuck about it.

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!  

a copy paste from my previous post on this:

my method is freak out! write a sentence. think about useless things (why would a pigeon be at the city square at night? that doesn't make sense? is it a normal pigeon? what is the purpose of its life?). try not to get distracted (i always do though) and write another sentence. 

the day i’m 92 is the day i finally have two fully written novels with my name plastered all over them in my arms.

TAGGING: @brekkerings @pilipalea @apollchiles (if you guys haven’t done this yet) and anyone else who wants to.

#wip prep tag #wip: grave mercy #my back hurts. from writing in this cursed position. send help

[speakthetragicsecret]

Recently I read a book called River of Stars, by Spencer Scott. It's a good book overall, but some of the narrative choices didn't seem to have been particularly well-thought-out, and that prompted me to consider similar societal blindspots. The book series revolves around interactions between humanity and various species of aliens; the three species most relevant to this post are the Aa'gimli, the Torzek, and the Li'farai'i.

The Aa'gimli mostly only come up in reference to past events. They were the first species to meet humanity, though the reverse was not true, and they initially mistook humans for non-sentient creatures, allowed the consumption of humans, which were an unusually efficient nutrient source, and ignored evidence that this was a mistake.

The main conflict of the book revolves around a similar mistake, this time made by humanity; the Torzek inhabit a planet extremely unusual in being both inhabitable by humans and nearly free of bitoxiphosphene (since most species aren't affected by it, they tend to never have placed restrictions on its release, and their atmospheres are substantially more bitoxiphosphene laden than our own). Humans make an attempt to determine whether Torzeks are sentient, but find no evidence of communication, tool use, or even motion. They conclude that they most likely are not, and begin killing them indiscriminately to make room for human colonists. However, in fact they are sentient, and just as intelligent as people; though rooted in place, they are in fact capable of higher-level reasoning on a level matching humans, and they turn out to have chemical-based communication of equal complexity with any human language. The story revolves around a few humans who managed to determine this attempting to prevent further murder.

My objection, then, is to the portrayal of the Li'farai'i. We are repeatedly shown allegedly-sympathetic characters, fully aware of the situation with the Torzek, remarking on the Li'farai'i as an obvious example of non-sentient creatures. On multiple occasions, two of the characters play a game involving shooting them for target practice. When Abibel displays empathy towards one of them, this is portrayed as naive, the result of her being eight years old.

The problem here is that they do not have enough information to conclude that the Li'farai'i aren't sentient. Perhaps they are correct, but if so it is because of luck, not because they behaved correctly. It may not be clear that they are, but in cases of uncertainty with stakes so high, it's better to err on the side of not committing murder.

Now, I'm not saying that we ought to be concerned that trees or water molecules or smartphones are secretly sentient. But when we wonder how people managed to conclude that other humans weren't people, we ought to keep in mind how often people err on the side of assuming they are not. We don't know for certain when fetuses start to be sentient, but that doesn't mean we should conclude that it is ethical to indiscriminately kill them, and the fact that being pregnant causes some harm to the mother does not change that. Opposing abortion doesn't require belief in God. It simply requires applying the heuristic that if there is any uncertainty about whether someone is a person, we should assume that it is when deciding whether to kill it.

It's easy to look at others and say that if they had only used such an obvious criterion, they could have avoided literal murder. It's harder to apply the same criterion to ourselves, but that in no way diminishes our obligation to do so.

#cascadia rp #death cw #murder cw #genocide cw #politics #discourse #post conditioning on the nonexistence of God and the afterlife

[thebicanary]

seriously big spoilers, don’t read on if you haven’t seen or don’t want to know about endgame

i’m pleased with endgame, i really loved it and i didn’t realise that is apparently an unpopular opinion until i got onto old tungle dot com here. everyone i know who was also at a midnight launch was happy with it, people came out of it extremely satisfied so... idk. but here’s why i loved it:

- it was funny. and i have issues with the comedy and comedic timing of a lot of marvel movies not giving time for dramatic moments to fucking breathe before going into a joke or a wise crack but both infinity war and endgame balanced the comedy and drama well imo

- let’s not lie to ourselves, it was complete fanservice for a good chunk of the movie. but it was the best kind of fanservice. there were so many moments people fucking CHEERED AND CLAPPED in the cinema when i saw it, like cap wielding mjolnir against thanos, when the avengers and the armies of wakanda and so many systems thanos destroyed came to help fuck him up, on your left, pepper in the rescue armour, the mcu ladies gathering for a big showdown while carol is transporting the stones etc.

- tony’s death is utterly heartbreaking, especially in light of him and pepper having a child and tony trying to forge a life with a family in the wake of the snap. but it was a satisfying and fitting end for his time in the mcu. this all began with iron man in 2008, this all began with tony and rdj, it would not have felt right for anyone else to defeat thanos in the end, and i think we all knew defeating thanos would require the sacrifice or a life or two. most expected it to be steve, but tony fits better imo. his decision to use the stones to save the world while knowing his body would not be physically capable of handling it was heroic, and heartbreaking, and he got a beautiful send off. It was a great way of honoring tony and rdj’s contributions to the franchise and i was sobbing.

- i’m actually glad carol was not the big weapon to be used to defeat thanos in the movie like was teased in promo material. the fact that the majority of fighting against thanos was from the big three original tentpoles of the mcu (tony, steve, thor) working together was exhilarating, satisfying, and ultimately how it should have gone. i also like that they’ve established carol as not just a defender of earth - that the snap affected many other planets and she is choosing to help all of them as best she can, not just earth. she only properly comes back to earth when thanos arrives with his army to help with the fight. would i have liked more of her present after enjoying her so much in her solo outing? yeah, but this was the end of 22 movies, a lot of characters deserved and needed time, and she is the newest addition. it’s fair that she didn’t get too much focus when this was essentially a love letter and goodbye to characters who have been around in the mcu (NOT THE COMICS, OK. YOU GOTTA TREAT THE MCU AS OBJECTIVELY SEPARATE BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THESE MOVIES WITH LITTLE TO NO COMIC KNOWLEDGE, THEY’RE ATTACHED TO THE MCU, NOT NECESSARILY MARVEL COMICS). also the new haircut is big sexy and i hope they keep it.

- BIG UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME: i liked steve’s ending, fucking sue me. people saying he abandoned bucky, bucky clearly knew he as at least CONSIDERING remaining in the past, if he had not outright told bucky that was his plan. steve choosing to retire from the fight makes sense for his arc. people hating him for going back and not doing anything with hydra/shield/bucky/etc. did not pay attention to the (admittedly flimsy) laws of time travel established. steve could not go back and change their pasts to directly affect the present, it would simply create an alternate timeline. THIS IS WHY THEY HAD TO DO A SECOND SNAP IN THE FIRST PLACE. STOPPING THANOS FROM DOING THE ORIGINAL SNAP WOULD NOT CHANGE ANYTHING IN THE TIMELINE THEY RETURNED TO, BECAUSE IT WOULD JUST BE A BRANCH FROM THAT MOMENT. the whole reason the stones had to go back in the first place was so those extra timelines weren’t created. it’s not hard to theorise and imagine steve actually did save bucky and stop hydra if you want to, but by the laws established in the movie, it would not directly impact the timeline of the already established movies. feel free to imagine that old steve was from another timeline where he did all that - but he unfortunately can’t save the bucky standing next to sam and bruce there. him going back to live out the rest of his life in peace with the woman he loves does not erase what he has done in all previous movies. it gives him a fucking break and allows him to do one thing for himself and his happiness that largely has little consequence, and means we get to see an end to steve as cap without him dying. i’m ignoring the icky sharon situation simply because it hasn’t been acknowledged anyway since civil war and it wasn’t properly built up to before then anyway so fuck it. and peggy gets to be happy too - whether she would have been happy or not without steve, does it really matter? there’s a timeline where she gets to be happy with him like she did want at least at one point, so fuck it.

- on that note as well the ancient one didn’t say changing the past would doom the alternate timelines, she said taking the time stone from them would doom them in that timeline, because they wouldn’t have the time stone anymore, it would never be given to strange and he would never be able to defeat dormammu. which is WHY. THE AVENGERS WERE GONNA TAKE ALL THE STONES BACK TO THOSE POINTS IN TIME, SO THAT THINGS CONTINUE ON THE COURSE THEY ORIGINALLY DID

- as with anything involving this much time travel PLOTHOLES ABOUND but i can largely ignore them just for the fun the movie had with it, and i don’t care enough to really see them resolved. nebula killed her past self but is still around? the thanos dusted at the end is actually past thanos as are all his lackies and so won’t be around to create infinity war which is required for endgame to happen? fuck it, i guess it’s just another branching timeline. idc, love karen gillan as nebula can’t wait to see her as a permanent gotg. thanos getting dusted was a nice satisfying fu. loki just up and disappeared with the space stone when they failed to get it from the avengers point in time (LITERALLY Y’ALL TWISTING YOUR NICKERS ABOUT STEVE AND IGNORING THAT THIS WOULD ERASE LOKI BEING THERE FOR DARK WORLD BECAUSE HE WOULDN’T BE THERE FOR THOR TO TAKE HIM HOME, AND SUBSEQUENTLY THEN NOT BE THERE FOR RAGNAROK.) but again, this is a movie that is largely serving as fan service/a love letter, so i’m electing to ignore it. this is a superhero movie, for gods sake, i don’t need it to make sense 100% of the time. we don’t question a lot of the other rules this universe has established in the past, and also in this movie (like y’all they just up and survived thanos bombing the avengers compound til it was dust. CLINT SURVIVED THAT. HE’S A HUMAN HE HAS NO SUPERSUIT OR POWERS. HE SHOULD’VE DIED. BUT AGAIN. DO YOU GIVE A FUCK THAT THAT IS IGNORED? NO. BUT YOU WANNA GET PISSED ABOUT STEVE GETTING A HAPPY ENDING).

- clint finally having plot relevance and a good storyline in an avengers movie hell yes. he opens the movie and it’s a great way to frame just how fucked the world was thanks to thanos after infinity war. his decision to go on a killing spree is kinda understandable - thanos’ snap didn’t differentiate between good and bad, he’s bitter that his entire family was wiped out but asshole murderers and drug dealers still exist? it’s an approach to vigilantism that i enjoy unpicking in superhero stuff, it’s why i like heroes like red hood.

- it’s a shame nat had to die, and that her and gamora won’t be coming back from the soul stone sacrifices (unless they pull a “actually they got brought back too” thing later. star lord was running a search for gamora at the end after all). but makes sense narratively that she was the one to go rather than clint. he had his family, it would just be one more depressing thing to have his family come back with him not there and nat the one to break it. seeing her go is sad, for a character that largely unfortunately hasn’t got much focus or (well written) development in the avengers movies, but it was a fitting end to her whole “wanting to wipe the red from her ledger” deal, and her and clint’s friendship was beautiful.

- i love hulk!bruce. i love bruce embracing the hulk, not being afraid of him, or his nature as the hulk anymore. it was a nice way to end his arc too.

- ‘nother unpopular opinion, i don’t hate how thor’s arc went either. i would love him to be the leader of asgard, and maybe that can be his future. i’m disappointed it’s not him now, but i think it’s a reaction to the unexpected popularity ragnarok got, and as a consequence that his mcu character got where previously his solo outings had been considered some of the weaker instalments. there’s not much big superhero action to be had in him ruling new asgard, but the potential for another thor outing, or a stint with the guardians, offers more chance for marvel to rake in some more millions with his popularity. doesn’t mean he can’t become ruler of asgard later, and i hope that will be his fate eventuality. but it also nicely rounds out the core three passing down legacies - steve leaves his legacy as captain america with sam, tony leaves his legacy as iron man with the ironfam and peter, thor leaves his legacy as ruler of asgard with valkyrie. we know peter continues on as spidey in his next movie, rhodey will likely at least have a supporting role in future avengers stuff/other heroes’ movies going forward, sam will likely be captain america in the sam/bucky tv show, and valkyrie was a popular side character with potential for stuff going forward (that rumoured lady sif show could be about new asgard or involve valkyrie in some form?). thor probably got the least out of the core three, but i think it’s because they now want to keep the potential for more thor in the future.

- the final fight was epic, and it put into context the line up for the future of the mcu we have and how exciting it is (spidey, captain marvel, black panther, doctor strange (never thought i’d say that but infinity war and endgame really made me like him and the mystic arts element of the mcu more), potential legacy characters like sam, rhodey/pepper, valkyrie, wanda, because i don’t think her story is done yet, the guardians, scott and hope).

- the final credits with the original 6 avengers getting special sliders with the actors signatures was a real nice touch i got goosebumps.

- it was a good way to wipe the slate semi-clean for a next generation of the mcu, without completely killing off and erasing all that came before. the mcu isn’t like comics where it can just perpetually exist in an undefined era where characters don’t age for years on end, there do need to be definitive ends to some of these characters and their arcs unless you just wanna recast them every 5 years so they can remain ageless.

#endgame spoilers below the cut #just my general thoughts that i wanna just shoot out there #really don't read if you don't want to be spoiled #endgame spoilers #spoilers #avengers spoilers #this is pro endgame btw lol i know y'all gonna hate that but #not all my thoughts because i wanna rewatch it again so my brain can actually retain the info #but i enjoyed it! idc #and this isn't in a 'the last 5 minutes left me on a high at 3am so i forgot about the things i didn't like until later' like with tlj #there was no sinking moment of disappointment for me ONCE during this movie #whereas for like the first 1 and a half hours of tlj that's all i felt

[higuchimon]

[fanfic]  Rebirth of Kaiser:  chapter 27

Something isn’t right here. Yuusuke stood beside Ryou, watching as the Hail Cyber army and their allies got sorted out to observe Tesni’s duel. Sunrise wasn’t that far away and Tesni prepared her deck a short distance away, fully decked out in her armor and paying little attention to anything else. She barely even looked up when Shine Angel stepped up, whispering to her. Yuusuke thought he saw a card being passed over, but he had no idea of what it was or why Shine Angel would do that.

He glanced at Ryou, whose own gaze kept dropping to the deck in his hands. While he couldn’t hear the Cybers in there, Yuusuke could still feel their presence. He’d gotten more and more used to being able to do that over the years. He wasn’t sure if it was because of learning to be a shadow mage or what, but it certainly helped.

“This isn’t the end,” Ryou murmured and Yuusuke shifted in surprise. Ryou looked up to meet his eyes. “Even if she defeats Ruin, there’s something else going on. There always has been.”

Yuusuke pressed his lips together, thinking. Ryou wasn’t wrong; that tied into his own feelings about all of this. He wasn’t sure about it all but none of it felt entirely right. He lifted his head.

“Then we deal with things when we know what they are.” What else could they do? Whatever wasn't right wasn’t going to politely ignore them, however this duel turned out.

Ryou very seldom smiled and when he did, it tended to be the sort of smile that terrified people. Yuusuke found it soothing, though. Ryou – Cyber Hell Paladin – would do whatever he needed to do. He always had.

Between one moment and the next the army of the Knights and all of their allies stood there. Ruin stood at the head of them, with another person beside her. This wasn’t someone Yuusuke recognized, but Ryou tensed the moment that his eyes fell on the stranger.

“That’s War God Gaap,” Ryou murmured. “I-I remember him. From somewhere.” He shook his head; even though more of his memories flickered in day by day, not all of them were there yet. Yuusuke could only hope that these weren’t memories that would be needed right now.

Ruin strode forward, Gaap at her heels, and smiled winningly at Tesni. “Such a pleasure to see you.”

“Are you ready to duel?” Tesni snapped her words out, her Duel Disk a breath from activation. Ruin tsked softly.

“You are so impatient. Let me introduce you to someone.” Ruin gestured to Gaap. “War God Gaap. My chief servant, my right hand, and-” She took a visible pleasure in her next words, “the champion of the Knights.”

Tesni froze. Ruin’s smile never wavered. “I didn’t say that you would duel me, my dear. I specified our champions. You could have chosen anyone you liked. Perhaps that young Duel Spirit there.” Her gaze shifted over to Ryou. “Though I must say that there’s someone else who seeks your blood.”

Ryou took a step forward. “Who are you talking about?”

“Now, now, it wouldn’t be a surprise if I just told you. But I’ll offer this: should Tesni win the duel, she’ll be awarded the army of the Knights and all of their strongholds and treasure. You on the other hand, I can give the name of the one who wants to kill you.” Ruin tapped one long finger against her chin. “Unless, of course, you’d care to duel someone for the information?”

Yuusuke kept his attention on Ryou the whole time. He could see the way that Ryou's breath quickened and his eyes brightened at the mere mention of a duel.

He hasn’t dueled in years. He has a new deck that he needs to get to know.

“He won’t.” Yuusuke stated flatly. “But I will. If you insist on trial by champion, then I’ll be his.”

He could see Ryou’s eyes turn to him, lips turned ever so faintly downward. He would explain his reasons later. For now, he wanted to make certain that Ryou fought as the true Hell Kaiser, Cyber Hell Paladin, as himself and he couldn’t do that right now.

Ruin’s laugh was a sound of crafted beauty. “So be it then, shadow mage. Regardless of who wins this duel, you will duel someone of my choosing who is also in my service. Victory in that duel will win you the information of who seeks to kill Cyber Hell Paladin. Are we agreed?”

“Yes.” Yuusuke nodded, taking a step back as Tesni moved forward. “Good luck, Captain Tesni.”

Tesni acknowledged it with a nod, turning her gaze onto War God Gaap. Gaap stood there, broad wings spread out, every inch of him crafted of bone and sinew and a mocking glare of evil. With a gesture his Duel Disk appeared, deck already settled into it.

“I will take the first turn,” he declared, his voice not the demonic rasp that Yuusuke would have expected. It could have won him a career as a musician, if he’d wanted that. “Unless you object, captain.”

Tesni barely twitched. “Go right ahead.”

The two of them stared at one another, then Gaap began, drawing five cards from his deck. He cast a quick glance over them before he selected a card. “I summon Daemon’s Soldier!”

In front of him there appeared a tall blue scaled demon, swirling a long brown cape around himself. His attention seared across the battlefield, resting on Tesni, who didn’t look all that impressed.

“Daemon’s Solder is only a Normal Monster, but his attack makes up for any other failings,” Gaap announced as he slid another card between his fingers. “And this will make it even better: I equip Daemon’s Soldier with Daemon’s Axe, adding another thousand points to make it twenty-nine thousand!”

Yuusuke mentally winced. At least Gaap couldn’t attack on this turn. That would have left Tesni with a bare eleven hundred already. But he didn’t doubt this would cause trouble in the near future.

“Now, I set one card and end my turn.”

It wasn’t the best first turn that Yuusuke had ever seen in his life but it didn’t bode well for the rest of the duel. He looked forward to seeing what Tesni had in store for them.

“I draw!” Tesni added the card to her hand and made her decisions. “I set this card face-down!” It settled into her monster zone; Yuusuke suspected it was a Flip Effect since there weren’t many other monsters it made sense to put face down.

But no sooner had she stated that then Gaap struck, gesturing towards his own face down card. “I activate Sulfuric-Acid-Filled Pitfall! I target one face-down defense position monster on your field and if it’s defense is two thousand or less, then it’s destroyed!”

There was a small squawk from Tesni’s Hail Cybers. But Yuusuke caught a glimpse of a smile on Tesni's’ face before she flipped her monster upward, causing a blue-skinned, red-haired and red-winged fairy to appear before them. “Illusion Fairy. She has only two hundred defense points, I’m afraid, so she’s destroyed.”

Acid bubbled up from beneath Illusion Fairy, long streaks of it reaching upwards to wrap all around her and pulling her out of sight with a horrific scream. Tesni bore onward though.

If she doesn’t do something about that, then next turn she’ll take almost three thousand damage. If not more! It wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility for Gaap to summon another monster on his next turn and be able to finish her off.

But Tesni didn’t flinch. “I thought you would do something like that. It’s clear who taught you how to duel.” Her gaze shifted to Ruin, then back again. “So this is my counter. I remove Illusion Fairy from the graveyard to summon Diana the Light Spirit!”

Swirling upward in a column of pure white light – much more pleasant than some white lights Yuusuke could name – there stood a maiden who could have been crafted from the light itself. Every inch of her – hair and eyes and gown – gleamed as if fashioned from freshly fallen snow. Her sweet smile warmed many of the hearts there.

“She might not be as powerful as your monster, but on every one of your End Phases, I gain a thousand life points.” Tesni pointed out. “Now, this.” Another card flicked between her fingers. “Five hundred points of direct damage to you, courtesy of Fire Ball!”

A flaming sphere appeared overhead, hovering for a few seconds before it slammed into Gaap and sent him stumbling back two or three paces. He growled, the sound no longer rich or mellow or sweet, straightening himself out and sending Tesni a glare fit to shatter bone and rend flesh as she set one card from her hand and ended her turn.

“I draw,” he snapped, eyes dropping down to the three cards now in his hand. His lips twisted into the foulest of smirks as he summoned a second monster. “Daemon’s Calvary!” This red armored warrior demon held the same attack as Daemon’s Soldier did before being equipped with that axe. It stared right at Tesni and her single monster, weapon lowered and ready to attack, black stallion neighing in anticipation.

Yuusuke did the math. Unless that face down card could do something about it, then Tesni would take thirty-one hundred damage and lose her only monster.

“Daemon’s Calvary! Attack Diana the Light Spirit!” Gaap declared. His fighter roared in rage and galloped towards Diana, lance lowered. A breath before contact would be made, Tesni made her counter move.

“I activate Emissaries of Reconciliation! I take no battle damage at all this turn and no monsters of mine are destroyed, either!” Tesni’s grin glowed almost as bright as Diana did. “Was there anything else that you wanted to do?”

Gaap growled, eyes hovering briefly over his hand before he shook his head. “I end my turn.”

“Yes, I thought you would. Now, Diana.” At Tesni’s words, Diana spread her arms outward and a wash of warm white light fell over her, increasing her life points by a thousand. Tesni drew her next card, a slight hint of a frown touching her lips now.

Ruin tilted her head. “You aren’t having problems, are you, my dear? You’re really only defending yourself, you know. And your defenses won’t last forever.”

“They don’t have to last forever. They just have to last long enough so I can win.” Tesni pulled out one of her cards. “I activate Treasure Cards From Heaven! I remove the Sealing Chain in my hand from the game in order to draw two cards!”

Yuusuke knew something wasn’t entirely right just from the look that flickered over Tesni’s face. She hid it well, however, and took out one of her newly drawn cards. “Thanks for the help, Diana, but now things have to change. I activate Black Hole, destroying every monster on both sides of the field!”

In the center of the field black energy swirled without warning, sucking all three of the monsters down into it. All of them screamed and flailed, Daemon’s Calvary’s horse neighing in terror for a few heart-stopping moments before silence fell. Potential options for what could happen next darted through everyone’s minds.

Few suspected the route that Tesni did take.

“I set one monster face-down and end my turn.”

Yuusuke and Ryou exchanged glances again. Whatever Tesni’s monster was, there had to be a reason for her to summon it in defense mode. A zero attack with an effect that wouldn’t function under these circumstances? A flip effect that would be more useful long-term than just attacking right away?

Or perhaps an effect similar to what she’d used with Diana and Illusion Fairy, where she needed more monsters in her graveyard? Too many questions and not enough answers.

Gaap took a step closer, fingers closing and opening as if he wanted to close them around her throat. Then he drew himself up, cast a glance at Ruin, and drew his own card for the turn. No sooner had he glanced at it than he smiled, almost as bright as Diana had once shone on the field.

“Hand Obliteration. We both discard our hands to the graveyard and draw that same number of cards.” He tossed all the necessary cards into his graveyard and drew two more, his smile growing even brighter as he did. “I summon Lancer Daemon! Lancer Daemon, attack!” His eyes glinted with pleasure. “And Lancer Daemon possesses a piercing effect as well.”

To Be Continued

Notes: I do hope you enjoy this. Ryou won’t duel until the sequel. He needs more of his memories back before he can truly be himself again.

#fanfic #higuchimon writes #ygo gx #marufuji ryou #fujiwara yuusuke #chapters: rebirth of kaiser

[thecartoonarchivist]

My Thought on The Dragon Prince

So, the first season of The Dragon Prince released on Netflix yesterday and like the cartoon nerd I am, I binged watched all the episodes at like... 12:00 at night. (Sue me.) 

And I’m gonna be honest: I have some opinions.

For those of you who don’t know who I am, or haven’t seen my posts popping up from time-to-time over the past month or so, I’m the Cartoon Archivist. I’ve watched a lot of cartoons over the years and I help people find the cartoons that they’ve looking for; in my spare time, I write exposés on different cartoons that used to premiere on various networks and rate them. I won’t go into detail about my “cartoon resume” but if you’re interested in what I do, go ahead and check out my blog, or read this post here to get started.

Regardless, I feel that it’s my duty to my followers and my blog as a whole to write an article about what I’ve seen thus far and my opinions about The Dragon Prince.

And honestly?

It’s not that great. Shocking, I know. Unpopular opinion? More than likely. Will I get flack for it? Probably, but I’m more than willing to accept that.

Here’s the thing. While watching this series, I was keenly aware of all the things that it lacked; I knew exactly what it could be and that’s just not a spot that you want to place you want to put your audience into. It then appears to be half-baked, rushed, and disappointing because you know how much work went into the show--- you know how much was sacrificed to get it out on time.

And that’s just sad.

Now, before I go into detail, I feel that I need to clarify a few things. 

As much as it seems extremely unfair to compare this series to that of Avatar: The Last Airbender, that’s exactly what I will be doing but for a good reason. You see, Avatar: The Last Airbender was a trailblazer in a lot of ways. Although it wasn’t the first western animation that featured a large, complicated, overarching plot, it was the first to do so with, not only a plan of how each season was to go and lead towards the finale, but to have such important character growth as well. Shows like Teen Titans, Ben 10, and Samurai Jack to varying degrees all had similar types of storytelling that was present in Avatar: The Last Airbender and these groundbreaking shows helped pave the way for Avatar to even exist. But it wasn’t until Avatar was released that it helped show western audiences the types of stories that could be told in animation. Anime was already telling these stories over in Japan, even premiering some of their stories in the west with television programming such as Anime Network, or Toonami--- but these never really seen such sweeping popularity, and for the most part, was catered towards kids and early teenagers. However, Avatar was so popular that I haven’t met a single person who was a child when this show was airing that hasn’t at least seen the show. (I’ve met one or two individuals who didn’t like the show, but they’ve at least seen it. [Needless to say, they turned out to be very nasty people but that’s neither here nor there...]) It’s probably one of, if not the, cartoon that went from being considered a “children’s show” to being a family show. My parents watched it! My parents loved it! It wasn’t a weird thing to watch this show because it managed to cater to many demographics. And for that, it becomes one of the most influential cartoons within the past 20 years. Avatar has turned 13 years old this past February and it feels like it could of been released this past year. It is simply, a classic.

However, aside from Avatar, there’s not many cartoons to compare The Dragon Prince to. I could compare it to shows that I’ve stated before: Teen Titans, Samurai Jack, Ben 10, Codename: Kids Next Door, and many others. But the problem is that many of these shows focus on one type of storytelling. With Ben 10 and Codename: Kids Next Door, there wasn’t so much of an “overarching plot” that drove the series forward as much as there was character development over a series. You could make a case for Ben 10, saying that Ben 10 gaining the omnitrix and trying to remove it was the overarching plot of the show, but to that I say, there wasn’t a particular finale planned for that “goal.” It was more of a vague possibility that they worked and not every season funneled towards it. There wasn’t an escalation. Not everything was working towards this goal. It was simply there. For Teen Titans and Samurai Jack, there was an overarching plot but at the expense of other things. For Teen Titans, there was an overarching plot for a season; it focused on the problems and the struggles for one of the Titans for a season, maybe even a couple of episodes within a season, but there wasn’t a particular end goal. There wasn’t a final boss to defeat. There wasn’t an overarching plot that connected the overarching plots. It was primarily focused on character growth. For Samurai Jack, it had an overarching plot at the expense of character growth. For the most part, Jack stays the same throughout the series. He may learn some new tactics, become more accustomed to his new surroundings, fight new and increasingly difficult challenges, but he doesn’t grow towards something. He continuously tries to go back home and defeat Aku, but there’s not the constant escalation towards a final battle like there is in Avatar. Because of this, The Dragon Prince is in the difficult position of not only having such a ridiculously small venue to compare itself to, but also the fact that it’s going to be compared to its spiritual predecessor. It’s unfair. It’s cruel. But it’s the only other show that uses the same complete range of techniques that The Dragon Prince uses. I may compare it somewhat to Anime, but seeing as that’s eastern animation versus western animation, I’ll try to refrain from that as much as possible. So while it appears that comparing The Dragon Prince to Avatar: The Last Airbender pre-establishes a bias and unfair advantage towards Avatar, I’m only doing that out of lack of options and opportunity. Otherwise, I will try to remain as objective as possible. After all, The Dragon Prince needs to be able to stand on its own merit, regardless of its predecessor.

Now that that’s out of the way...

One of the first things to comment on is the art-style, and for a lot of people, it’s a bit of a turn-off. For one thing, it’s animated using cheaply produced CGI, which leaves the animation rather choppy.

However, that doesn’t really bother me too much. The character designs are fantastic. The establishing shots and aerial angles of the backgrounds are absolutely stunning. And even while using such a generic type of animation, they were still able to create a unique look to their animation that anyone would be able to identify this cartoon from a mile away. For what the technology they were working with, they did a great job. Could they have used better technology? Certainly. But for what they had, I was generally pretty happy with the result.

On top of this, I was an individual who was able to sit through the awful animation of Ajin: Demi-human and still enjoy myself so... really... it’s not as bad as it could’ve been. (And for those of you who never saw Ajin, here’s a clip of the animation. It’s just... hot garbage...)

Watching all 9 episodes that released yesterday on Netflix, I feel that I can identify 3 major problems that I had with the overall quality of the series.

1.) The Plot Felt Rushed.

The best way I can describe the overall feeling I had from watching this series is if someone tried to explain to me their DnD campaign in the span of 9 twenty-five minute episodes. And to any DnD or Table-top RPG player, this seems like a dream come true. However, in practice? This is a very poor way to tell a story. Having watched way too many hours of DnD livestreams and YouTube shows, I can tell you that when you try and summarize a DnD campaign, it just doesn’t amount to actually sitting down and watching each individual session. Many of the things that the average individual wouldn’t include in their overall summary of the campaign help us feel closer to the characters involved! The weird, crazy antics and conversations that players get themselves into help reveal to the audience (and to each other!) the type of people each character is. If we don’t spend enough time with these characters, getting to know their personality, they’re speech patterns, their quirks, it becomes a whole lot harder to care for what they want or are striving towards. It becomes difficult to relate to them as people and you begin to view them more as symbols, or objects than actual living beings. Watching this series, I felt like I was constantly being fire-hosed with information and plot and world-building and backstory and character growth and new characters and my god how much can you fit into one fucking episode I’m so---- I never had breathing room. I never had enough time to get to know these characters. I never got to see them when things were dull, or they had a long stretch of road to travel, or just having a moment to process all that’s happened. To be honest, I wanted some filler episodes. I wanted an episode or two where we weren’t focused on all the terrible things that were going wrong. I just... I wanted a moment to breathe. And seeing as they only included 9 episodes instead of the standard 24, I can’t help but feel that they should’ve put it off. Now, maybe there was some pressure from Netflix to get this baby out to the public, but really, it was to the show’s detriment. It wasn’t ready. It needed more time. The scripts needed a better once over, another look to say, “You know what? Maybe we should put another couple one-off episodes to make this breathe a little better.” It just... it needed more time.

2.) The Characters Felt Like Chess Pieces, Not Characters.

What do I mean by that? Well, let me explain.

In writing, one of the major things that they tell you is that your characters should fuel your plot. Their actions and reactions should help push your plot forwards; in every scene, they should be working towards their goals and what they want, and if they aren’t well... you should cut it.

If you’re using your characters as chess pieces, that simply means that your characters aren’t fueling your plot, your plot is fueling your characters. Each character does a certain thing, not because your character wants to do X thing, or does something because of X reasons, but simply because the plot calls for it. When this happens, characters become wishy-washy. The small little problems that arise come, not from conscious character decisions and personality clashes, but from lack of communications and convenient drama problems. On top of this, small character quirks, lines of dialogue, actions that actually affect the plot of the story, could be fulfilled by any one of the cast of characters. They aren’t individual people with their own wants and desires, their own personalities and flaws. They simply become pieces to fill a role that’s empty and as an audience member, how am I supposed to empathize with that? How am I supposed to care about these people and their struggles when whatever “3- dimensional personality traits and backstory” could’ve been fulfilled by... anyone... 

On top of this, it causes character motivations to become muddled. They may have a “reason” as to why they act the way that they do, but it doesn’t really affect their personality. 

Let’s take Zukko for example. It’s goal, his motivation, is to capture the Avatar at all costs. Why? To restore is honor. To be accepted back into the Fire Nation with open arms. To make his father proud of him for once in entire life. Because of this motivation, Zukko is desperate. He wants so badly to be accepted by his father that he’s willing to do anything in order to capture the Avatar. This affects his actions. He’s very rash. He doesn’t think things through to their fullest extent. He’s a very angry character because of the fact that he’s so desperate for the love and acceptance that he’s never received from his father that every single failure, every single step back, every single moment that he has to wait and plan and think things through seems like a delay of his desires. If you were to place Sokka, or Katara, or Aang, or any other character in the same exact situation that Zukko was placed under, they wouldn’t react the same exact way and that’s what makes a character individual. If we were to compare Zukko to Rayla, we see that Rayla’s actions... could’ve been Soren’s actions, or King Harrow’s actions, or even Callum’s actions if placed in the same exact circumstances. The fact that she spared a random human soldier, or the fact that she’s teaming up to save the Dragon Prince doesn’t seem like a decision that she’s actively made. It only seems like she’s made those decisions because the writers wanted her to, or because the plot called for it. The writers say that it’s because Rayla wants redemption for her parents cowardice but I don’t really believe it. If Rayla really wanted to redeem herself, she wouldn’t have hesitated to kill the human soldier. If she found the Dragon Prince with the human princes, she would have taken the egg for herself and became the hero of her people. Why would she care about some war? Why would she care about the “fear in the soldier’s eyes” or “the right thing to do?” The only thing that is established that we know about is that she’s trying to redeem herself for her parents mistakes, which is why she’s the fastest, the strongest, and the most skilled in her group. All these... additional actions? They make no sense. They’re out of character. They just don’t... fit. And because of that, they don’t feel real. They simply feel like chess pieces that the author uses to further the plot. Granted, we’ve only seen 9 episodes of Rayla, but even in the early seasons of Avatar, every character’s actions had a purpose even if we, the audience, couldn’t see it, we could feel the consistency within the character. But with The Dragon Prince? There was no character consistency and because of that, the audience could feel that.

3.) Who’s The Villain?

Consciously, I know who the villain is. Viren is supposed to be this big man-ba-jama that’s supposed to be out to kill the prince. Why? Because he wants the throne... supposedly. But... why? What does he gain by becoming the King of an empire at war? Power, sure but... nobody wants power for the sake of power. If he really did, he would have killed King Harrow a long time ago. But instead, he’s simply trying to pull Scar (from The Lion King) with... no real reason? I mean, Scar wanted power because he wanted people to respect him. But I’m still baffled as to why Viren wants the throne...

And as far as The Dark Magic is concerned, I mean... I get why Dark Magic is supposed to be bad. Using someone’s life-force against their will is... it’s kinda horrific. Not to mention, the process appears to be pretty fucking painful, so yeah. Bad Idea™. But like.... what’s the benefit of using Dark Magic? What do you gain by using it? Like, we have 6 different sources of magic. We have multiple different magical ways to solve a problem, why do we need a new “evil terrible” one? On top of that, Viren isn’t... a threat? Like... yeah, he orders to kill the princes. Yeah, he places Runaan’s soul in a coin which is pretty fucking bad but like... with Firelord Ozai, he killed millions of people. He burned his own fucking son just because dared to speak out of turn, like that’s straight up sociopathic. He uses his children as tools and doesn’t care for anyone but himself. But Viren? He... actually cares? And he has legitimate feelings? And maybe he uses his children as tools but at the end of the day, he still actually cares about them and like... Viren legitimately seems like he’s just trying to do what he thinks as right, but doing it in the worst fucking way possible. 

And maybe that’s the point of the series. Maybe it’s the idea that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” but there just... isn’t enough indication of that fact. The series tries to paint these children as “right” and Viren as “wrong” and Runaan as “overzealous” and General Amaya as “misguided” and... when you want to use gray morality, you have to show the good actions people take along with the bad actions. You have to show that the villains are capable of good, that the heroes are capable of bad, and that there’s a reason for everything someone does.

 That’s how you write gray morality. But seeing as the characters aren’t solid personalities and there isn’t really a reason for a character to make any particular action, it becomes nigh impossible to do so.

So, where does that leave us?

Well, it’s not a bad show. The world-building is so vibrant and so alive that I would love to see a DnD campaign or some other form Table-top RPG to come out of this series. The animation was actually surprisingly good for what they were working with. Yeah, backgrounds were a little recycled and a bit bland from time-to-time. They could’ve used some more in-between frames to make the animation more smooth and connected. Even some shots leave me going, “Ewwww.... You really skipped that one for time, didn’t cha?” But at the end of the day, I could dig it. I could ignore it for what was happening.

The problem is that the writing was so rushed. The characters felt lost. The plot was running at a break neck pace. I didn’t understand why anything was happening the way it was. I was just... disappointed. While looking through some gifs for this post, I feel like this one really describes my overall impression of the show.

It needed more.

It needed more time, more character development, more episodes. Just... more.

Problem is that it’s a quality show. It’s so much better than many of the animations that I’ve seen in recent years that it really does become a cut above the rest. However, like I said before, I know what it could be. And that just makes me extremely sad for its lost potential.

Overall, if I had to rate it, I’d give it a solid 7 out 10.

I’m going to keep tabs on it. The first season is always the roughest one, so in the future, it very well could live up to expectations. But for now, it’s just... disappointing. It isn’t bad by any means. I’ve seen some bad animations in my time and this doesn’t even come close to that. But I just feel like it could be so much more and that really bothers me.

If there are any corrections you’d like to make in regards to this post, please feel free to send me a message with your corrections and I’ll get back to it as soon as I can!

Do you remember a cartoon your friends have never heard of? Got a scene from an animated film that you’re dying to know the name to? Send your questions to The Cartoon Archivist and I’ll see what I’ve got in the vault!

#the dragon prince #tdp #tdp spoilers #the dragon prince spoilers #netflix #2015-present #I see one of two things happening #1: I'm gonna get a big boost in followers #2: I'm gonna get a lot of hate mail for this #Or both #I don't really care all that much #I just felt the need to share my opinions on this because let me tell you: I HAVE SOME OPINIONS #I JUST WANTED MORE GODDAMN IT