#god damn it look i'm sorry for the stupid tags i just don't want anyone to see this shit if such things can hurt them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

canirove · 1 year

Text

The Princess & the Football Player | Chapter 8

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

"What the fuck were you thinking about, Eleanor? Going out alone, without telling anyone, and with him?" David says, pacing around the room.

"Roberta knew" I say, my eyes fixed on the floor.

"Roberta" he scoffs. "She's lucky nothing happened to you."

"She didn't want to help me at first, it's all my fault."

"Of course it is all your fault! Again, what were you thinking? This could have ended so bad, Eleanor. So bad!"

The moment the taxi stopped in front of my hotel, David was waiting at the door, and I barely had time to say goodbye to Declan. He just opened the door, grabbed me by the arm, and led me to my room.

"We took precautions."

"Precautions? A hat and some sunglasses? Please. This is real life, not a movie. You know better than this."

"I'm sorry" I whisper.

"Eleanor, you can't do this again" David says, sitting next to me. "You can't. This time we've been lucky and already stopped these photos from being published, but imagine that it had happened. That someone had recognized Declan. He is playing the biggest tournament of his career so far, this could ruin it for him. For the whole team. You are the future Queen of England!"

"I... I'm sorry. I just... I wanted to be alone with him. We both wanted to be alone together. David," I say, finally being brave enough to look him in the eyes. "I like him. A lot. This isn't a summer fling like with Damiano, this is serious."

"I know it is" he sighs. "You wouldn't be this reckless if you didn't like him. A lot."

"So... What now?"

"Do you want to see him again?"

"I do, yes."

"And what about him? Does he want to see you again after what happened today?"

"I don't know. I guess. Before you dragged me out of the taxi, he asked me to text him."

"Have you exchanged numbers?"

"Just Instagram dms. I didn't want you to see a new number and start lurking."

"Clever girl" David chuckles. "You can do it now if he wants to see you again. I promise your privacy will be respected, but don't do anything stupid. I had enough seeing Damiano's... You know."

"That was all him, I sent nothing or asked him to send it."

"I know, I know. But just in case. I don't think it would benefit Declan's career either."

"He isn't like that. He's... Normal. He may be a football star and all that, but when you talk with him, he is just a normal guy from Kingston with a very loud laugh and who loves playing golf for some reason. And when we are together, he also makes me feel normal. With him I'm not Princess Eleanor, heir to the throne. I'm just Eleanor” I shrug. “He's even made me like my name, you know? When he says it, it doesn't sound so regal or serious."

"Damn... You do Iike him" David laughs.

"I do" I say, feeling my cheeks get hot. "Will you help us if he wants to keep seeing me?"

"I will" he says, taking my hand on his and giving it a little squeeze. "But you have to promise me that you won't escape and do something this stupid ever again."

"I promise, David."

"Ok, then. Text him and tell him there is nothing to worry about. He has to focus on the next game."

"I will" I say, finally smiling. "Thank you."

"You're welcome" David says, kissing my head.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"No dungeon, then?"

"No dungeon" I chuckle.

"Thank God" Roberta sighs. "Imagine Mason having to go visit me there."

"Mason? What are you talking about?"

"Well..." she says, playing with her coffee cup. "After meeting the team the other day, he might have slid into my dms."

"He what? How?"

"He asked Declan if he could ask you for my username, but they found it on your profile because you have tagged me on a photo. You know that Mason knows about you two, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, Declan told me. But you had not said a word about this! It's been days!"

"I know, I know. But you were so busy with your escape plan and then so excited about finally having green light from David to see Declan, that I didn't want to ruin the moment" she shrugs.

"You wouldn't have ruined the moment, Roberta. But tell me more!"

"He's super nice and funny. At first it was a lot of teasing and jokes about oh, imagine best friends dating best friends and all that. But, I don't know. I feel a bit like you do. He makes me feel normal, not like I'm the heir of a textile empire and a royal descendant" she says with a shy smile.

"I can't believe this is happening to us" I laugh.

"I know! Falling for a football player while on holidays in Canada? That wasn't on my list of things to do this year."

"It wasn't on mine either” I chuckle. “Are you going to meet or something?"

"We want to, yes. And we were thinking that you and Declan could join us too, have a double date after the next game. If they win, of course."

"They will win, I'm confident."

"Then we should start thinking about what we are going to wear for that double date!" Roberta says, clapping her hands with excitement. "Shopping trip?"

"I guess" I smile. I can't say no to her when she gets this excited.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

Like I predicted, England won their game and made it to the next round, Declan being named man of the match, which made me feel very proud of him. But it also took a big weight from my shoulders. After everything that happened with our kind of first date, I feared it would affect him on the pitch. Thankfully there was nothing of that.

"We must play it cool, ok?" Roberta says as we walk towards the changing room.

"Cool?"

"Yes, cool. We can't let people notice that we like some players better than others."

"Ok" I chuckle.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Congratulations, man of the match" I say to Declan when I see him.

"Thank you, your Royal Highness" he says with a big smile. "Did you enjoy the game?"

"I did. It was the best of the tournament so far, but it won't be the last."

"Let's hope so."

"Eleanor, should we take that photo now?" Roberta asks.

"Yes, sure."

"After you, ladies" Declan says.

"You weren't playing it cool" she whispers while everyone gets ready.

"What?"

"You and Declan. You were smiling at each other like two idiots in love. If I hadn't intervened, everyone would have noticed."

"What? Nah..."

"Yes, they would have. So you're welcome, princess" she says, sticking out her tongue before looking at the camera with her best smile.

#declan rice #declan rice fanfic #declan rice imagine #football fanfic #football imagine

55 notes · View notes

sesamestreep · 4 months

Text

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 4

Write about your MC’s personal style (from this list) ➸ set in the Bakeoff AU, before the events of summer came like cinnamon, so sweet and referencing an event from the first chapter of @firstelevens original fic in the series (sugar pie, honey bunch) and yes, I'm aware this is a huuuuge stretch for this prompt, don't worry about it!

Karen’s just left them to go get another round from the bar when Foggy’s phone starts ringing. On the screen, a photo of Daisy looking comically crestfallen while holding a ruined sufflé pops up and Foggy swipes to accept the call immediately.

“Hey, Daisy, what’s up?” he asks, aiming for casual but…well, Daisy’s roughly his age and avoids talking on the phone as much as anyone of their generation does, if not more. He’s slightly concerned that something must be wrong. Across from him, Matt’s expression turns pinched, probably because he’s thinking the same thing or he can hear the worry in Foggy’s voice.

“Did you watch the episode last night?” Daisy asks, without preamble or greeting.

“Oh, yeah. I mean, me and Karen did. Matt fell asleep like ten minutes in.”

Daisy scoffs over the line at the same time as Matt says, “I already apologized like five times for that!”

Pulling the phone away from his mouth slightly, Foggy says, “I know you did. And I forgive you. I know how important your beauty sleep is to you.”

Matt rolls his eyes, looking vaguely embarrassed at the same time. Foggy’s not sure if the extended time away during the show has made old things he’d gotten used to before new again or if this really is something new, but Matt’s easier to fluster than he remembered. Foggy could have sworn he made lots of jokes about Matt’s good looks and Matt always just brushed them off. This new shyness about it is surprising.

“Anyway,” Foggy says, turning his attention back to Daisy, “I saw the episode. Why do you ask?”

“Have you been online at all today?”

“You mean, have I been connected to the Internet at all? Yes, of course, Daisy, come on!”

“No, I mean, on social media,” Daisy says, impatiently.

“I don’t really use social media. You know that.”

“I know you have your finsta,” she replies. “I didn’t know if anyone had tagged you in anything there. Or if you have a dummy twitter account to lurk sometimes.”

Foggy laughs. “God, no!”

“Don’t say it like it’s totally ludicrous! People do it!”

“Yeah, but not me,” Foggy says, still laughing. “I’m just a simple country lawyer. What need have I of your twitters and your algorithms?”

He feels like he can hear Daisy roll her eyes on the other end of the call. “You’re such a dork!”

“Sorry. What’s so important that you needed to call me on the phone to ask if I have a secret Twitter account?”

“The Internet is freaking out about you, Foggy Nelson.”

Foggy’s stomach sinks. “It is?” he asks. “What did I do?”

“You looked too damn hot in this week’s episode, apparently.”

“I—what?” Foggy asks, feeling so utterly stupid. None of those words made any sense to him, which is troubling because most of them were pretty simple. “Wait, did I look really sweaty or something?”

“No, dumbass,” Daisy says, “I mean ‘hot’ like ‘god, he’s so hot, I want to have his babies,’ which, by the way, is a real tweet I read about you not fifteen minutes ago.”

“What?!” Foggy basically shouts, which makes Matt lean forward in his seat and give him a questioning look.

“Your humility is really beyond the pale, Franklin. It’s like you don’t know you’re hot!”

“I don’t know that,” he says, still freaking out slightly. “I’ve been called that by three, maybe four people in my whole life before today! It’s not a common occurrence.”

“I don’t believe that for a second,” Daisy says, because she’s fundamentally loyal and it makes her confused sometimes.

“Well, if it’s happening a lot, it must be behind my back, then.”

Matt, apparently done with being out of the loop, reaches across the table to poke Foggy’s wrist with his index finger. Foggy replies in turn by patting Matt’s hand with his twice, hoping that conveys that there’s no emergency.

“Well, it’s happening a lot on Twitter right now,” Daisy replies. “Which, I guess is still behind your back, technically.”

“That’s…great, I guess…”

“I thought you’d be happier,” she says, sounding worried. “You seem upset.”

“It’s just weird to think about,” Foggy says, keeping his tone mild. He’s not mad at Daisy by any stretch, but having people outside of the neighborhood know who he is and have strong opinions about him has proven to be a tougher concept to reckon with than he originally anticipated. “It’s that thing of being perceived in a way that I have no control over.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Daisy replies, thoughtfully. “I just…I thought you should know you’re the Internet’s reigning boyfriend at the moment.”

Foggy laughs, still feeling weird but in a warmer, cozier way than before. “Well, it’s an honor to be somebody’s boyfriend, I suppose.”

Matt’s head perks up at that, like a dog who’s heard a strange noise, and Foggy resists the urge to laugh at him for it. Karen returns with their next round at that precise moment, too, and makes a face at this pronouncement as she slides Foggy’s beer across the table to him. He also sees her look over at Matt, as if he’ll have more answers somehow.

“I’m guessing based on your blasé reaction to this news that I shouldn’t send you a curated collection of mine and Colleen’s favorite tweets about how gorgeous you are?” Daisy asks, innocently.

“For the sake of my mental health, you probably shouldn’t,” Foggy replies, “but honestly, today’s been a weird one and we had a miserable time in court, so it might cheer me up.”

Daisy squeals excitedly, which is not a noise Foggy knew she made before this very moment. She didn’t even make that noise when she won Bake-Off, not that he’s allowed to tell anyone that yet. “That’s what I like to hear,” she exclaims. “Alright, well, get ready for some screenshots. And also sorry in advance for any psychological damage I may cause.”

“Thanks,” Foggy laughs. “Both for the apologies in advance and for making sure I knew about this.”

“What are friends for?” Daisy sighs happily, and then hangs up without a goodbye.

“What’s going on?” Karen asks as she takes a sip from her beer.

“Have you been on Twitter today?” he asks, in response.

“I’m a journalist, Foggy. Unfortunately, most of my life is spent on Twitter.”

“Do you follow any Bake-Off people there?”

“I might follow the official twitter for the show itself, but I’m not sure. Why?”

“Apparently, Twitter is freaking out about me in last night’s episode.”

“Really? What do they have to freak out about?” Matt asks, frowning.

Foggy shrugs. “I don’t know. Just me, I guess? I looked good or something.”

“I told you that you looked good last night,” Karen says, gesturing broadly to convey her annoyance. “You didn’t believe me.”

“You’re one of my best friends, Karen. You have to lie to me about that kind of thing!”

“No, I don’t! And I wasn’t!”

“Well, you’re about to be vindicated,” Foggy says. “Daisy and Colleen are sending me screenshots.”

As if on cue, Foggy’s phone lights up with several messages being sent to his and Colleen and Daisy’s group chat and the notifications don’t slow down at all for another full minute.

“God,” Foggy says, just looking at the new messages pouring in. “She wasn’t kidding.”

“You want to read them,” Karen asks, with a bright, dangerous look in her eye, “or shall I?”

Foggy hands over his phone without a second thought. “Probably better if you do it,” he says, feeling genuine panic and terror at the idea. It’s too late to go back now, though. He’s gotten her hopes up.

“Oh my god,” Karen says, after he’s gotten his phone unlocked for her. She puts her hand to her mouth to disguise her…horror? Amusement? Both? It’s hard to tell.

“What?” Foggy asks, anxiously, and Matt turns over his hand underneath Foggy’s palm so he can give it a quick squeeze, which…that shouldn’t be as soothing as it actually is. It’s, frankly, ridiculous that it helps so much.

“Foggy,” Karen says, excitedly, “you’re a sensation!”

guy with no problems • juliachildsplay

um… hello?? Foggy coming into the tent with those little braids??? I’m experiencing symptoms????

the hateful nate • nateorade

I’ve been online too long because the minute I saw Foggy Nelson with his hair in braids, I just shouted OOOHHH GENDER!! at the top of my lungs. my gf and my cat both left the room in protest.

kelly nguyen • gaygrenadine

me normally: it’s so embarrassing when cis dudes get so much credit for the mildest defiance of gender norms… me seeing foggy’s braids in GABO: yasss queen thank you for my rights 🌈🙌 gender is sooo over!!

brynn it to wynn it • flibbertigibbety

I did not actually think Foggy could get hotter to me than when he responded to people ridiculing his French pronunciation by revealing he speaks fluent Punjabi, but I was WRONG!!

Ezekiel (he/they) • ezeydoesitt

how is anyone getting any baking done right now when foggy is there looking so so good?? couldn’t be me!!!

world’s #1 trilla apologist • eldritchedeelite

lord, I am not one of your strongest soldiers… foggy in that salmon colored t-shirt and those braids… I am WEAK

dinah (derogatory) • surelytemple

my two cents is that Ava deserves star baker this week because she is somehow still baking with foggy nelson’s whole beautiful self directly in her eye line. talk about performing under pressure.

bram (not stoker) • bramblinnmann

I am watching bakeoff with my family right now and it’s getting very difficult to pretend to be straight in front of them when Foggy’s out here looking this hot

your future canceled wife • thecouturevulture

THEM: hey how was bakeoff this week? what did everyone make? was it good? ME: FOGGY NELSON WORE HIS HAIR IN BRAIDS!!!

citizen paddington • genderemporia

I literally couldn’t tell you a single thing that happened in this episode of GABO. Foggy appeared onscreen and my brain shut off for the next hour. I came to and I was googling wedding venues, idk man

Kira Iris • villainesque

I don’t condone people getting obsessed with public figures and violating their privacy but if some of yall wanted to be weird and find out if Foggy’s “partner” he references is a business thing or a romantic thing, I would look the other way just this once

Default Username, Esq. • shrimpheavencanwait

thank god foggy nelson isn’t on social media or I would be embarrassing myself I would be in those DMs like cheese filling in a danish I would be bringing shame upon my ancestors for that man I promise you

Helena Bee 🐝♿️ • bananabreadcrumbs

that part of the episode where Colleen walked behind Foggy and pulled one of his braids to say hello and he smiled at her??? It just hurts to see other people live your dreams???

spy x savage x fenty • coolnormalchill

foggy deserves star baker because he cured my depression and my gender dysphoria in one fell swoop and that’s that on that

Lindy the SEO bitch • easilysearchablebrandname

other bakers: [make the snack] Foggy Nelson: [is the snack]

sayid’s secret account! • sayidsayless

I didn’t hear who won star baker, I didn’t see who got sent home, l learned nothing about sweet dough, I was busy googling foggy nelson Instagram foggy nelson partner foggy nelson star sign

hb lovecraft • hazelbleu

I've already decided to call out sick from work tomorrow so I can spend the whole day watching the inevitable Foggy fancams that will come from this week’s GABO. It’s my duty as an American.

go gert go • yorkestown

if there’s any uneven bakes this week, we all know it’s because Foggy was simply too hot to handle and it threw off everyone’s baking times

SORRY 4 PARTY BROCKIN’ • attackthebrock

foggy saying that one thing he loves about bakeoff is never having a shortage of people to share his bakes with, because normally it’s just up to his partner to finish them. ME AND WHO TBH????

nora mcclain 👻🥀🖤 • themostest

Foggy explaining the hot cross bun recipe he’s making prompted my (allegedly) straight husband to say, out of nowhere, “I’d let him put a bun in MY oven!” Like, sir??? I’m right here???

stardew valley girl • wooloolemon

it’s crazy how many babies are going to be born nine months from the airing of Great American Bake-Off Season 3 Episode 6

Tolkien Straightguy • helmsdeepthroat

it’s pretty normal for me to end an episode of bake-off hungrier than I was before, but I’ve never finished one this THIRSTY my god

maddie📍grad school hell • doctorwormphd

seeing foggy with those french braids made me crazy y’all!! I almost redownloaded tinder I was so lost in the sauce

blandine montpetit ☮️💟 • peaceandloafs

Ava’s star baker moment was so deserved, I’m just sorry we were all too distracted by Foggy being the cutest human alive to really appreciate it. But not sorry enough that it won’t happen again.

“We’ve strayed very far from the light of god, I think,” Foggy says, with his face pressed into the sticky surface of the table, which…yeah, bad idea, but one of many he’s had tonight. Matt pats the back of his neck with a hand that was maybe supposed to be more in the direction of his head and ended up somewhere more weirdly intimate by accident. Foggy lifts his head to put an end to it, not because it didn’t feel nice but precisely because it did and that in turn makes him feel a bunch of messy emotions he doesn’t like. “Karen, what are you doing? Are there more?”

“Yes, but they’re getting a little redundant, honestly,” she says, squinting at his phone’s screen. “Everybody wants you to impregnate them, apparently.”

Matt chokes on air at the same time as Foggy chokes on his beer, so it takes both of them a few seconds to recover and respond.

“They what?” Matt asks, looking pale.

“The power of a new hairstyle,” Karen says, with a self-satisfied smile, though she directs it at Matt, for some reason. They have a lot more meaningful looks and mysterious half-conversations these days than they used to before Foggy went away to film the show. At least, that’s how it feels to him and if Karen didn’t have a boyfriend that she seemed to love a lot, he’d be worried that she and Matt were going to try dating again, for all it was a disaster the (admittedly brief) first time. Instead, it feels like they developed a shorthand while he was away and, granted he also made a bunch of close friends who he essentially talks to in baking-themed twin speak, it still makes him feel strange. He didn’t think him being away for the time that he was would change so much, but apparently it did. Matt and Karen speak in code now, and the Internet wants to fuck him. Life is strange.

“Do you really talk about me on the show that much?” Matt asks, apropos of nothing, it feels like.

“What? What do you mean?”

“A lot of those tweets referenced you talking about your partner,” Matt replies, looking thoughtful. “That’s me, I assume.”

“Yes, obviously,” Foggy says as his face heats. “Why shouldn’t I talk about you?”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t. I just didn’t realize it was enough to be noticeable.”

“One thing I’ve learned about the Bake-Off viewers is that they notice everything,” Foggy says. “And I don’t mean to talk about you a lot, but you’re important to me and you’re in most of my stories and…all that…”

Matt seems to be thinking hard about that, while Karen is sitting with her chin resting in the palm of her hand, still scrolling through Foggy’s phone.

“What are you doing over there, Page?” Foggy asks, in the hopes of distracting everyone from the corny admission he just made that got met with silence.

“Just sending a few of these to my phone,” she says, with a sheepish look. “I want to show Frank.”

“God, no!” Foggy yelps as he reaches out to snatch his phone back. “I don’t need Frank knowing about these! It’s bad enough Matt had to hear them!”

“Why is it bad for me to know?” Matt asks, startled out of his reverie by the mention of his name.

“Because you think all of this is stupid!”

“All of what? Twitter?”

“No,” Foggy sighs, and then thinks it over. “I mean, I assume you do think Twitter is largely stupid, actually—”

“And you’d be right,” Karen adds.

“What I meant was you think all this stuff about the show is stupid.”

“No, I don’t,” Matt says, frowning. “I mean, I confess I don’t understand half the stuff you say on the show or about it, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s stupid. If anything, it makes me think I’m stupid.”

“Well, you certainly can’t be impressed by everything Karen just read us,” Foggy replies, gesturing with his phone. He’s aware, in the back of his mind, that he’s doing that thing you’re never supposed to do and negotiating against himself, but he can’t really stop it, for some reason. “It makes the fans of the show sound insane!”

“I understood even less of that than I do of the baking terminology, honestly,” Matt admits, “but I think most of those people have the right idea.”

“You mean, hitting on Foggy via Twitter? You think that’s the right move in this situation?” Karen asks, and there’s some kind of play acting going on in her tone, like she’s goading Matt about something that Foggy doesn’t have the context for.

“I’m saying Foggy’s loveable,” Matt replies to her with an unexpected amount of heat. “I don’t know why he acts like he isn’t.”

Foggy blinks at them, feeling like he’s stepped into the middle of an old argument he didn’t know about. “Am I still a part of this conversation, or…?”

Karen’s expression clears first and she turns to Foggy with a reluctantly amused expression, like she doesn’t know what to do with him, he’s so silly. “Of course you are! Matt and I were just agreeing about how great we think you are! That’s all!”

“Yeah, sure,” Foggy replies. It sure as hell didn’t sound like two people agreeing on anything, but he’s willing to let it go. “Well, if I’ve learned anything from this uncomfortable incident, it’s that I should braid my hair more often.”

“And that you look good in that salmon-colored shirt,” Karen adds, helpfully.

“Which is too bad, because I spilled ink all over it a few weeks ago.”

“Writing with a quill again?” Matt asks, innocently.

“No, I was helping Ruthie,” Foggy says, rolling his eyes when Matt’s smiles stupidly at his own joke. “Her newest hobby is calligraphy.”

“I thought she was into knitting now?” Karen says.

“Old news,” Foggy replies. “I’m just praying her next kick is baking so it can be something I’m even remotely good at.”

“I suppose it’s too much to ask that she gets really interested in reading up on legal precedent, huh?” Matt asks, thoughtfully.

“Yeah, probably,” Foggy laughs. “The point is, my magical salmon shirt that apparently makes me irresistible to random people on the Internet is out of commission.”

“Oh, well,” Karen sighs. “You’ll just have to subsist on the attentions of your local admirers.”

Foggy takes a sip of his beer. “I wasn’t aware I had any of those,” he says.

“Probably a lot more than you think,” she says, and she’s giving Matt another one of those weird looks again. Foggy decides it’s probably safer not to ask, and resolves to change the subject instead.

#i don't know what this is but it's done i tell youuu hwhat #it does not work that well for the prompt but what can you do #hws30days #homelywenchsociety #that's my writing tag! don't worry about it!#bakeoff au #the gbbo au #mattfoggy #daredevil #foggy nelson #matt murdock #karen page #writing challenge #series: how sweet it is

9 notes · View notes

beastofburdenxo · 4 months

Text

I don't have a title yet, but here's a sneak peek at what I'm working on.

Tommy's new wife is in a tragic accident...... And he makes a decision to save her life. Tags: language, slight violence, mention of blood. Not finished of course, work in progress. ✨️✨️✨️✨️

I’m sorry Tommy.” Polly’s words rang out like a bell in his head. “There was a terrible accident. She was hit by a car crossing the street to go to work. They don’t know if she’s going to make it.” Tommy dropped to his knees cursing any deity listening to his cries. “I told her Polly; I told her not to go in today. I knew something bad was going to happen, I just knew it. I can’t lose another wife; I just can’t do it.” A few years back his first wife was shot and killed in front of him, and now this. It’s almost like a cruel prank the universe has put on Thomas Shelby. He can only be happy for a little while until everything comes crashing down. She was his saving grace in his personal storm called life, and now possibly she may be called away. Tommy stood up, a mixture of sadness and pure rage in his heart. “I must go to her Polly. Maybe I can call her back to me.” He goes outside with almost a physical storm cloud over his head. The people of the town know to stay away, not even to give their condolences. The first person stupid enough to come up to him is liable to be shot. Tommy almost wishes someone would; so, he would have something to take his anger out on.

He storms through the hospital doors, demanding to see his angel on earth. “Where is she?!” Tommy roars to no one in particular. “So help me God, where the fuck is she?!” A timid nurse takes him to her, and it is a grim sight indeed. She is lying in the hospital bed, with bandages on much of her body. She is unconscious, pain meds running through her damaged system. “It’s not looking good Tom,” Arthur comes up behind him, hand on his shoulder. “She has lost a lot of blood; Doctor’s say it’s touch and go. Most of her body is damaged in some way.” Tommy’s knees got weak at this news. “I want the driver found and cut on the spot; I don’t care who sees.” He enters her room. She looks so fragile and weak lying there. “Tommy’s here angel, I’m right here.” He gently grabs her hand. “Stay with me love, please, I need you.” With no one else around, he starts to cry. “I told you to stay home didn’t I, eh? So stubborn you are.” Tommy leans down to put his face in the crook of her neck, and just sobs. Begging and pleading with her and anything or anyone listening to stay with him. “I need you, love. Please. I love you so much, I can’t be left alone again. You are my everything, you know that? I do this all for you, fuck everyone else. I need you with me.”

Night falls, and there is no improvement. Eventually, the nurses kick Tommy out and he is forced to leave her. Threatening them was no use. Anger surfaces again in place of despair as he proceeds to punch the brick building until red leaves his vision. He slumps down against the building, face in his bloody beat-up hands. He knows what he must do. Opinions of the family be damned. Against better judgment, Tommy Shelby must go to the crossroads.

#tommy shelby #peaky blinders #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinder fanfic

16 notes · View notes

katebacks · 2 years

Text

Ride Or Die Chapter 17 Season Finale - A / S JJK

— pairing |Jeon Jungkook/Reader x Jung Hoseok/Reader

— word c |5,428

— genre |Mafia au!, Angst, smut

— summary | The nightmare finally seems to end and gives you a chance for a fresh start.

— warnings/tags |Adult content, Violence, low slang words, blood. It's short but it's worth it. Now yes, quality Smut with JK

— A/N | Season finale, it didn't turn out as I expected, but even so, I ended up liking this ending. It took me almost two years to release a new chapter, and I apologize. But my plans for Ride Or Die aren't over. After I correct and rewrite the old chapters, a new season of Ride Or Die will begin.

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | '17 Season Finale' |

Your bedroom door was locked.

You were lying on the bed, your back on the mattress wearing only black panties and bra. Jungkook had climbed your window and entered your room while you showered, and now was lying beside you, his lips were against your neck, while his hand massaged you slowly inside your panties, making you arche your back sometimes and bite your own lips to prevent you from releasing some sound and end up drawing your parents attention who were in some room in the house. Since you had told them that you were officially dating him, They made it very clear that they couldn't stand Jungkook and that dating him was a waste of time and would only lead to suffering and obviously low grades at school.

But as an ordinary teenager, full of rebellion and emotions, you just ignored them.

"Do you think I'm going to be one of the cool girls in college?"

Jungkook raised his head and looked at you in a frown.

“My hand is in your panties and you’re thinking about college?” He asked unsure if you were just joking or if you were actually being serious. “What is it? I've lost the knack of turning you on and now you have to think about all the work you're going to go through for the next five years in college to feel horny?”

"Sorry, I know it's not the right time, but I'm worried and anxious at the same time. The end of the year is less than three months away and graduation is almost here. I'm afraid I'll start college and everyone will hate me and, I don't know, I've heard some pretty bad stories from girls who got hazing in their freshman year at university...”

“Babe.” He leaned down and lightly kissed your lips. “You'll do fine. You'll be the cutest newbie in that place and you don't have to worry about the stupid hazing, because if anyone touches you, I'll kill them all.” He whispered, kissing you again, and with that, slowly moving his fingers over your clit that moaned softly into his mouth, making Jungkook's entire body tingle with desire. “Your pussy is all wet, all ready to be stretched by my cock.” Jeon bit your lip and you threaded your fingers through his black hair, moaning sly as he increased the pressure of his fingers inside your panties. Again that shiver hit the boy's spine and he swore softly, leaving his mouth and bringing his lips to your ear. “Fuck, you are so sexy, love.” He whispered biting your lobe. “You moan like those porn actresses in a softcore movie.”

You then started laughing out loud, letting go of his hair and using your hands to cover your mouth as you laughed.Jeon leaned his head on the your shoulder and laughed with you. He knew that was one of the stupidest and most frustrating things he'd ever said, but he just couldn't resist. And anyway, even though he'd ruined the mood, Jungkook loved the sound of your laughter.

"Honey?" Your mother's voice had you choking back a laugh and widening your eyes looking at the door. "Is everything okay?" She asked and soon both saw the knob moving, thanking god the door was locked. Jungkook really wouldn't mind if his in-laws caught him there when they made it crystal clear that they didn't want him stepping inside their house, even less in your room, because Jeon didn't give a damn about rules and laws, but he knew that if his girlfriend's parents caught him there, they would fight with you, and he didn't want that to happen again that week. He hated when you were upset over fights with your parents. “Why is the door locked? (y/n)?”

“I'm getting changed, Mom. And you guys have this habit of coming into my room without knocking, so I locked it so I could change in peace.” You said getting up from the bed, dodging Jeon's hands and walking towards the closet, getting a nightgown that you used to sleep.

"Can you open it? I need to speak with you." The woman said from the other side of the door. Jungkook rolled his eyes and pointed his fingers at his head like he was shooting at her before rolling off the bed onto the floor, and crawl under the bed, already being used to doing that. Before unlocking the door, you made sure that from where you were, no one would be able to see what was under your bed, and only then you open it. Meredith was wearing a matte black dress and matching pumps on her feet. Her hair was in wavy strands, falling to her shoulders and her makeup was light, and she looked at you confused to see that you were already in your night clothes. "It's seven o'clock, are you going to sleep now?"

"Yes, I'm a little tired today." You said putting your hand in front of your mouth, pretending to yawn. "I was studying just now, reading about colonization made me exhausted."

"Aren't you going out with that boy today? On a Friday?"

“That boy has a name, Mom. And no, Jungkook and I decided to stop going out and stay out late. Finals week is approaching and we both need to sleep and study harder, you know?” You said and even without seeing it, you knew that Jeon was covering his mouth under the bed to keep from laughing at the biggest lie you had ever told your parents, except for when you told them you were still a virgin. It was a stupid lie, but Meredith believed you and even smiled proudly. The angel on your left shoulder said 'you're going to hell for blatantly lying to your mother', but the demon on your right shoulder said 'but Jungkook is going to hell with you too, so it'll be fun', and that made you smile too.

“Well, your dad and I are going out to dinner. Want something when we get back?”

“Hmm, no. If I get hungry, I'll order a pizza, but thanks anyway.” You smiled again. “And you look beautiful, by the way.”

“Own, thank you dear.” She said leaning over and giving you a kiss on the cheek before whispering a goodbye and walking down the hall towards the stairs. “We should be back by ten o'clock.”

“All right, have fun, love ya.” You said as soon as you saw your mother starting to come down the stairs. So you closed the door and locked it again, leaning against it. Jeon poked his head out of his hiding place and asked in a whisper if it was ok to leave, but you asked him to wait a moment. When you heard the garage door open and close, and then the sound of your father's Tucson driving away, you gave the okay sign to the guy who crawled out from under the bed , back to his feet.

“So where were we?” He asked looking you up and down. You laughed crossing your arms.

“We were talking about how hot and dominant college seniors can be.” And that caused Jungkook's jealous side to be activated. He scoffed, shooting her a look that made everyone but you intimidated. “You know, Becca told me that in some prank calls, freshmen have to get naked and sometimes even have sex with seniors to be accepted into frats…”

“No fucking way that's going to happen.” He didn't wait for you to finish talking to walk towards you, grab your waist with one hand and pull you hard against his body, making you squeal and bite your lip staring at him with a cheeky look. “You are mine.”

“Am I?” You teased and that only made Jeon's eyes darken and he let out a nervous laugh that raised the hairs on the back of your neck. The next moment he was grabbing the neckline of your nightgown and ripping it open, making your eyes widen. “Jungkook, that was my favorite.”

“Well said, was.”

He pulled you in for a kiss as he used one hand to unclasp the bra behind your back. You brought your hands to the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, pulling it off with his help, scratching at his bare chest, feeling his muscles tense at your touch. Without warning, Jungkook bent down and threw you over his shoulder, making you laugh and scream as he smacked you on the ass before throwing you on the bed, making it squeak. You loved the wild side he had pretty much every time you had sex, that way things didn't get boring.

“Someone is angry.” You teased as you saw him standing in front of your bed, his figure taking off his belt and throwing it away, his chest tense, his big and veined hands unbuttoning his pants, making them join with the other piece in the corner of the room. You can't help but swear and rub your thighs together at the sight of the dick you've been riding so hard, ready for action. Blinking a few times, you managed to pull your attention away from his manhood to look into Jungkook's black eyes that were fixed on yours, the same intense look he always used when he wanted you, a look that burned, penetrated you heart, soul and obviously, your panties.

Jungkook put one of his knees on the mattress and grabbed both of your heels, pulling you down a little, before turning you on the bed, making you onto your stomach, leaving your ass up for him. You hadn't realized how labored your breathing was until that moment. You couldn't see him, but you felt his fingers brushing your skin as he gripped the sides of your panties and pulled them down your legs, finally leaving you completely naked.

Then he crawled over you, sitting on your thighs, making you moan at the feel of his hard cock against the side of your ass. Jeon held your hair, combing it with his fingers and tossing it over one of your shoulders, before leaning over you, he climbed wet kisses up your back, kissing your ear, your cheek and then your lips. Still hovering over your body, he propped one arm to the side of your head, brushed the bangs from your face and stared into your eyes. He sighed slowly before running his tongue slowly over his lips wetting them, making you swallow hard, wanting to kiss his mouth again.

“I'm going to fuck you so hard that for the next few hours you won't even remember the shit you just told me.” He said calmly, and all you could do was nod.

Jungkook sat down again, taking your arms and crossing them behind your back, using one hand to hold them while with the other, he massaged your entrance, wetting his own fingers, making you squirm beneath him, feeling that if he didn't start soon, you would start begging madly.

“Be a good girl to me, and I promise to take you to heaven.” He said as he started brushing your pussy with his cock, teasing you, making you lift your ass a little more, wanting him to put it on already.

“I rather go to hell.” You whispered and Jeon looked at you, seeing the naughty smile on your face. “There must be as hot as my pussy must be waiting for you right now.” Jungkook let out a sly laugh before putting his cock inside at once, stretching your pussy, massaging your inner walls, making you bury your face against the mattress so you wouldn't scream as you felt the pleasure of having him fill you for the first time that day.

“No, no, no.” He said holding your hair with his free hand and pulling it, making you raise your head. “I want to hear you.”

"Then start fucking me." You said through your teeth, tired of waiting, wanting him to start moving and that's what he did.

He let go of your hair, letting your head rest against the mattress and used his free hand to hold and lean on the headboard, as he began to move slowly inside you, gradually increasing his speed, until he was thrusting deep and hard, making you roll your eyes and moan loudly.

Jungkook released your arms and held your waist, lifting you up, making you get on all fours for him, grabbing your shoulders and moving his hips against yours, moving slowly, giving you time to get used to that position until again he was pushing hard, while you had trouble keeping your voice low. All your neighbors would listen and the next day they would tell your mother that they heard screams inside the house and you would be screwed, but at that moment, the only thing that mattered to you was to come on your boyfriend's dick.

"Fuck, (y/n)." Jeon swore before slapping you on the ass and holding it, his fingers almost digging into your skin, using so much force that it would leave marks, making you arch your back and bite your lips as you felt your orgasm approaching. He felt it when your pussy started to tighten even more around his cock,then Jeon pushed your shoulders down, making you rest your chest on the bed, leaving your ass upturned and holding it like that with one hand, bringing the other to your clit, massaging it, making it even harder to control your breathing, making you gasp as your orgasm neared. "You're so tight babe. Are you going to come on my cock?"

“Yeah.” You replied in a squeaky voice. "Jungkook..."

You couldn't finish the sentence ‘cause your body was taken by a delicious sensation, making every nerve in your body feel that pleasant little pain, and your body started to shake. Jungkook pushed your hips down, leaving you fully lying on the bed before lying on top of you, increasing the strength and speed he put in until he finally came, letting out a curse, leaning his face on your back, feeling his body go numb and with ragged breaths you both started laughing with the post-orgasm sensation.

"Fuck, that was intense." You whispered when Jungkook fell down lying next to you on the bed. The boy looked at you and smiled, using his hand to wipe the sweat that was dripping from your forehead, before tossing his bangs back.

"With you, everything is intense, sweetheart."

And now in the present, Jungkook was sitting on his bed, staring into space, remembering that night, just like he had for the past two weeks, just remembering what it was like to spend nights inside you, what it was like to be loved by you, wanted by you, images and sounds that were now only distant memories, just like you. It had been two weeks since you had left town with Hoseok, gone to god knows where. Two weeks you'd yelled at him, broken up with him. And he couldn't even make a call to see how you were, it was too dangerous and Shadow might just trace the call and come to you. He just wished he could go back in time, and try to do things differently, try not to let you down, not hurt you. And he could only think that Hoseok might be using this opportunity to get closer to you, to get his hands on you. And that made him even more furious.

“Jungkook.” Jin's voice shouting his name, made him get up from the bed and leave the room, seeing Jin run into the hallway, with an expression of despair on his face. “Hoseok called, Shadow is dead.”

“What? What you mean...” And he felt the blood rush from his face. "(y/n), is she..."

"She's fine, bruised, but fine. Hoseok got there in time. Dean is already arranging the plane, we're leaving in ten minutes."

A few hours earlier.

You didn't know what to do, your whole body ached, and the smell of your own blood mixed with saliva was intoxicating you. You couldn't scream, you couldn't get the neighbors' attention and get them involved in that shit. You would die. No, all the kicks and punches she had hit you in the ribs, legs, chest and face didn't seem to be enough to make you give up. You needed to hold on a little longer, you just had to hold on until Hoseok came, and he would come, you knew that. That's what you thought as you crawled down the hall floor, and you could hear her footsteps behind you, knew she was right behind you, following you, reveling in your pain and despair.

You entered the first door down the hall, it was Hoseok's room, tried to stand, but Shadow kicked you in the back, and you felt the tip of her heel up your spine, causing you to fall face down on the floor again, next to the bed.

"I truly don't know what Jungkook saw in you." She laughed. You managed to turn around, lying on your back, looking straight at her who was now standing by the door, arms crossed and a beaming smile on her face. "I mean, you're cute, but I'm so much more. I'm smart, insightful, graceful, I have great taste in clothes, which you don't, I have a lot of skills that you don't either.” And so she came closer, crouching down beside you, clasping her two hands together, genuinely curious. "What's so special about you that he even tried to kill me?"

“He loves me.”

She laughed out loud, as if you'd just told the funniest joke in the whole world.

"Love is idiocy."

"It could be." You snapped, swallowing your own blood. "But it's the one thing that you don't have."

"But I might have."

"No you can't. You can't force anyone to love you. And that's what you envy me so much about, that I managed to make them love me, that I managed to make Jungkook love me, something that will never happen to you, you heartless bitch.” And you screamed as she landed an even harder blow to your face, if your nose hadn't been broken before, it most certainly was now.

"Let's see if he'll still love you after I kill you." And she straddled you, both hands going straight for your neck, squeezing hard as you struggled to get free, to save yourself.And as the despair increased, the more numb your body began to get, and your hands moved by themselves. That's when your hand accidentally went under the bed, feeling something sharp, stuck against the wood of the bed frame. You didn't have time to think anymore, you just acted, grabbed the blade and swung it into Rawoon's chest. She screamed and jumped back, her hand reaching for her chest, covering the wound. You didn't know where all that strength and energy came from, but the next second, you were on your feet, screaming and stabbing the woman who couldn't defend herself anymore, the knife hitting several places on her body, including her face.

Cowardly, she ran out of the room, her feet slipping in the trail of blood you'd left on the floor, but this time you were the hunter and she the hunted. And getting close to the stairs, you kicked her in the back, causing her to scream and roll down the steps, making a loud noise as she hit the ground at the bottom of the stairs.

At the same moment, Hoseok arrived breaking down the door, sending wood flying, he first looked at the woman on the floor, relieved to see it wasn't you, and as soon as he saw you coming down the stairs leaning against the wall, your hands smeared with blood staining the wallpaper, he jumped over the woman's body in time to catch you on the last step before your legs gave out and you nearly fell to the floor. He hugged you tight, never taking his eyes off Shadow who was writhing on the ground. And finally feeling like you could give up, you let the tears that were stored up fall and you cried. You cried loudly, hard, while Jung had his arms around you.

"It's okay princess, you're safe now."

He whispered to you, watching the woman on the floor spit blood and laugh in delight at the moment.

"She'll never be safe as long as I'm alive..."

And Hoseok didn't let her finish the sentence, he just took his hand back, holding the pistol grip that was kept in his waist and pulling it out, unlocking it and pulling the trigger. You just heard the noise, you shivered at it, but you didn't look at her, you just knew the nightmare was over. Hoseok had put an end to it.

You didn't know how, but Jimin was the first to get there, he said he knew something was wrong, because Shadow had been quiet for too long, and when he decided to check, he found out that she had taken a flight to that city. You were sitting in the back of an ambulance at that moment, the paramedics had already cleaned most of your wounds, especially the ones on your face, getting all that blood out. Your nose was broken, but at least it was back in place now. Jimin was talking to the cops, he was probably making up another story so he wouldn't involve the mafia in that. And you were more than happy to hear that your sister was okay, that any danger to her was past and that there were Interpol agents watching over her, protecting her.

Could everything finally be getting back to normal?

"I talked to Jin." Hoseok's figure appeared in front of you, causing you to take your focus away from the body being carried out of the house on a covered stretcher and look at him. "They're on their way here. They should be here shortly, Mr. Jeon Dean has arranged a private flight." You just nodded and curled up under the blanket they had given you. Hoseok bit his lip as he watched you, he patted the back of his cell phone in his hand three times before tucking it into his back pocket.He then sat next to you, watching as the cops worked, just like you did. You then lay with your head on his shoulder, and he rested his cheek in your hair. "You were very brave to face her alone like that." he whispered. "Although you should have run as soon as you saw her, she could have killed you."

"She tried to choke me" You whispered back. "What saved me was your paranoia of keeping weapons scattered around the house."

"I told you that one day we would need it." He chuckled."But I expected me to use them, not you." And so he was silent for a few seconds. "I'm sorry, I should have been here to protect you."

"You went shopping, Hobi, you and I neither knew she would show up here out of nowhere. And you got there in time, I could have passed out and she could still be alive and killed me, you saved me."

"We both saved you."

And again, silence was established between the two who just watched people walking around. But everything seemed to get intense again and your eyes threatened to fill with tears once more. You didn't want this, you didn't want to cry anymore, you were so tired of it all. You needed help.

"I don't wanna cry." You whispered, your voice breaking again. Hoseok moved his head, looking down at you who were now hiding your face in the crook of his neck. "Please distract me."

"What do you want me to do?" He asked, his hand coming to rest on his which was now against his chest.

You took a deep breath.

"Kiss me." You asked, lifting your face and looking into his eyes, seeing his eyebrows drop, frowning. "Please kiss me, I need this, I need to feel something real."You begged in a whisper and Hoseok, who was always at your mercy, couldn't say no, sealing your lips, careful not to be rough and make you feel even more pain. He hugged your body gently and led the kiss, tongues touching and low moans escaping from between their mouths. It was everything he ever wanted and everything you needed. Feeling safe, normal, loved.

After a long visit to the hospital and after Jimin told you everything he had told the police, you would have to give your statements, but Jimin assured you that it was just bureaucracy, and that you just needed to tell the police what he had said. The story was, you and Hoseok were in the witness protection program for witnessing a murder and that woman was a professional assassin, hired to find and kill them. That's why you had all those weapons scattered around the house and that's why Hoseok had to kill her. It wasn't far from the real story, but it would prevent the Jeons name from being involved.

And now you were all sitting in a hotel room, silent, looking at each other. The room wasn't very big and the hotel wasn't the most luxurious or the best, but until all that blood was removed from the house, you wouldn't step there. You were in the armchair, with Hoseok sitting next to you and Jungkook was on the other side of the room, his eyes glued to you, but he didn't have the courage to say a word.

"Dean just said he already talked to Shadow's father. There will be no retaliation as that psychopath was to blame for the death of three innocent people who had absolutely nothing to do with the family business." Jin said putting the phone away and leaning close to the door.

"Well, (y/n)'s sister is safe, I'll let my agent friends watch them for a few more days and then ask them to leave." Jimin who was sitting on the bed next to Taehyung and Namjoon said.

"Good, then I guess I can finally come home." Becca, who was on a video call on your cell phone said, on the other side of the screen next to her was Yoongi. "We'll finally be able to finish studying in peace. But it's going to be so hard without Suhee. Will you move into the dorm with me, (y/n)?" Becca asked and even though you looked at her, you were silent for a few seconds, which actually became minutes, and everyone realized that something was wrong.

"Are you okay?" Taehyung asked, reaching out and touching your arm. You shook your head, couldn't smile because the bandage on your nose hurt every time you breathed. You looked at Hoseok who gave you a smirk. Giving you the courage to speak up.

"Actually Becca, I won't be going back to Little Fox."

"What?" Your friend's voice and Jungkook's made a chorus as they said the same thing at the same moment.

"I've decided that going back there isn't going to be good for me, so me and Hoseok decided we're going to stick around."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jungkook said seriously, making everyone turn towards him who was furious, getting up from his chair. "Are you staying here with him?"

You sighed, grimacing as you felt the twinges in your nose. You were too tired to put up with all that and still argue with him.

"I don't have anything else to say. I'm going to lie down, excuse me." You said getting up and walking towards the door, but Jungkook entered in front of you, blocking your way and in the same second Hoseok was standing behind you, ready to fight if necessary, the others who were in the room, all rolled their eyes, also tired of so much fight.

"You can't be serious (y/n), I know I made mistakes..."

"Mistakes?" You repeated the word with such disgust you swore your stomach churned. "Suhee's death wasn't a mistake Jungkook, it was a tragedy, just like my parents' death, Namjoon could have died that day too, and you didn't do anything to help them. You ran off with Shadow and kissed her while my best friend died in the operating room, while her friend almost died too.” And before you knew it, you were screaming, your anger covering your pain. “You always said you'd do anything for me, but you were never there for me. Hoseok was the one who took me to the morgue to do the recon for my parents' bodies. Taehyung, Jin and Namjoon comforted me that day. Jimin was the one with me at their funeral. Yoongi saved me from getting shot at Suhee's funeral, I stabbed Shadow to save myself, Jungkook. Hoseok killed her. You've never done anything for me except bring me suffering.”

“That’s not true...”

“Yes, it is, Jungkook.” You screamed, throwing your hands up, exhausted. "But I don't just blame you, it was my fault too, because I pushed this relationship, I insisted on this shit and look what happened? I'm tired, and I've broken up with you before, I'm just reinforcing things. It's over between us. There is nothing else, go live your life with your drugs and your beatings, do what you want, but stay away from me. I won't let my future go to hell just because I love you.”

“Babe, please...” He moved his hand to touch you, but you dodged it, taking a few steps back, letting your back touch Hoseok's chest, who placed both hands on your shoulders.

"This is a goodbye, Jungkook." You said. "I stabbed someone today, I smeared someone else's blood on my hands, get out of my way or I'll make you." And from your tone of voice, everyone knew you weren't kidding. Jin then approached, slowly pushed Jungkook away, pulling him out of your way, letting you and Hoseok out of the room. All stunned, confused by what had just happened.

And for the first time, Jungkook really felt like he had lost you.

···

A week later.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay there?" Jin asked as he helped take Jungkook's bags out of the trunk and put them in the luggage cart.

"No, I think I'm going to freak out and try to kill everyone in the first 48 hours, but if that's the price I have to pay to get her back, then I make that sacrifice."

"You don't know if she's going to want to get back together with you, Jungkook."

"If I'm a better man, yes, she'll take me back." Jungkook grumbled back to his brother who sighed and gave up. As soon as they stopped at the door, they got a good look at the facade of the building.

'LITTLE FOX PSYCHIATRIC REHABILITATION CENTER.'

And for a moment, he began to doubt himself.

"Do you think this will work?" He asked taking his eyes off the building and looking at his brother who stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged, biting his lips. "Do you think they'll be able to take away my desire to hurt people?"

"I don't know, but trying is already a start." And Jungkook looked back at the building, starting to feel anxious. When he came up with the idea, he was extremely excited, but at that moment, he started to think it wouldn't be a good idea. "I'm sure when (y/n) finds out, she'll be happy to know that you're trying to be someone better." And Jin knew he had touched Jungkook's weak point, because as soon as he heard his name, the boy smiled so widely that anyone who saw him at that moment, with that innocent bunny smile, would never imagine the bad things he had already done.

“You’re right. I have to think about her, and everything will turn out fine." And so he went back to pushing the cart, this time going through the doors of the Clinic. Once inside, he waved smiling at Jin who waved back, and soon the doors closed. .

"I hope he doesn't kill everyone." Jin said to himself and turned his back walking back to the car, and even though he was worried, he was happy that Jungkook had started a new chapter in his life.

#jeon jungkook #jung hoseok #jeon jungkook smut #jeon jungkook angst #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #bts smut #bts jungkook x reader #jung hoseok x reader #jung hoseok x you #bts angst #bangtanarmynet

17 notes · View notes

duckugou · 3 years

Text

get you the moon

Bakugou x female reader

cw: a lil angst, comfort

aged up

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!

Requests are open!!

-----------------------------

|Bakugou POV|

Seeing her with someone else killed me. Every single time. Sure, she said she was single, but I see the way they look at each other. He looks at her like she's the entire world- which she is. But shes my world. Shouldn't be his. Maybe I'm just selfish. I don't care.

Being around her gave me hope- something I lost a while back. Something I had given up. She gives me that smile and its like everything's okay. She saved my life and doesn't even know it. She's the reason I'm still hanging on. Like that song she always plays and sings to, Get you the moon? "You are, you are the reason my head is still above water" is a good line. "If I could, id get you the moon" God I really would.

But now, his hand is trailing closer to hers and I swear to god if he holds it, I'm going to lose it.

"Y/N! Come here!!" I shouted across the party we were at, making her head jerk to see me, her face filling with light and a smile.

She runs up to me, "Hey Kats, whats up," her embrace is everything right now. No amount of alcohol could compare.

"Nothin- hey want a drink?" I asked, turning towards the kitchen, the y/c/h haired girl following me close by.

"Nah, I'm the D.D tonight." (Designated driver) She spoke over the music.

"Oh- for him?" I seethed.

"Just for like anyone who needs it. You know me, Kats," She giggled, slapping my arm.

That's another thing about her. Shes so damn selfless. Most parties she went to, she didn't drink, just in case someone needed a sober helping hand. She would keep her eyes peeling for other girls that might be in danger or anything- she would swoop in and save the day. She's like the sister everyone needed.

"Don’t fuckin hit me, stupid. Anyways- hows things with uh-. Ya know," I asked, dreading the answer, nodding my head towards the tall guy she was just standing with.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, are you official yet?"

"Officially friends. He's not my type- like at all. He's nice but I mean I've kind of had eyes for someone else," She giggled.

"oh." I snapped. "Well, I need to get back to Kirishima. Sure he needs me or something." I began walking away, leaving her with a sad, confused look.

"Catch up later?" She shouted to me. I waved her off.

So not only is this other fucking prick trying to get with her- but shes got her eyes on another?! Unreal. How is this happening? Shes MY love. Why doesn't she realize that.

I downed my drink, the burning feeling distracting me for a moment. I needed something else. Someone else.

I looked around the room at all the ladies at the party. Nice asses, skinny waists, high ponytails. But none were looking around, ready to help. None had a light in their eyes. None seemed genuine. Not like her.

"Hey hey Bakubro, whats got ya lurkin round the room," Kirishima yelled to me, slapping his arm around my shoulder. I shrugged him off.

"Nothin. Whats got ya drunk already?"

"Oh the usual mixture- where's Y/n?"

"Don't know." I snapped back.

"Oh jeez something has YOU twisted. Alright I gotta go find everyone else- HEYYYYYY-" Kirishima walked off shouting, not wanting to deal with me. Understandable. She was the only one that cared genuinely.

Fuck this is so stupid, I'm jealous of someone that I don't even know!

I went off to find Y/n to maybe apologize? I don't know. Everything is starting to get a bit more fuzzy.

I spotted her through the balcony doors, and went out to join her.

"Oh, hey Kats," she sighed, looking anywhere but at my eyes.

"H-hey I'm sorry about stormin off. I wanna be supportive. Who's the guy you got your eyes on then?" I wanted her to be happy, right?

"O-oh. Nobody." She sighed.

"Really? Because you seemed pretty psyched about him a little bit ago," I inquired.

"Yeah, I mean he's amazing but he doesn't want me," she said, looking off the balcony.

"Well any guy that doesn't want you is a fucking moron," I said, getting mad that some guy would make her feel this way.

She laughed bitterly. "Yeah. He is pretty stupid. He's taller than me, hes got really nice hair, his smile is so nice even if he doesn’t show it often. Hes honestly a dick to most people but once you get to know him, hes the sweetest. Plus He’s gonna be a pro fucking hero. I've grown so close to him, I think I might love him but I don't know."

A bitter taste came to my mouth. He sounded vaguely like me, but she didn't like me?

"Oh. He sounds cool." I said, quietly.

"Y'know Katsuki, I knew you were dumb but I didn't know the extent of it I guess," She said, looking me in my eyes for the first time on the balcony that night.

"Tch- what?"

"You're the only guy I know with a attitude like that, idiot."

Realization hit me like a fucking train. She started giggling, and a smile grew on my face. I grabbed her by the waist and kissed her finally.

I was jealous of my fucking self all night.

#bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugou fic #mha imagine #mha fic #mha fanfic #bakugou imagine #bakugou angst #bakugou comfort #mha comfort #i love my baby bakugou

147 notes · View notes

catzula · 3 years

Text

dreams that smell of caramel

Hello, hello. I know I disappeared for a hot minute, i blame depression for everything. i think I’ll be more active from now on, and thank you for reading!

btw, I did take a break form my 400 followers event cuz I burned out really really bad sorry about it

pairing: Bakugou x gn!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: cursing, 3.6k

synopsis: Really, who falls asleep in a subway? Apparently, you do, and Bakugou can’t help but feel protective over it. It’s because he’s training to be a hero, right? It’s not like he likes you, right? Right?!

Bakugou hated the subway.

There was almost nothing there to like. It was dirty, caused Bakugou to feel like he couldn't breathe, and frankly, ever since the day he read that the air in a subway was %30 pieces of human skin, he didn't want to breathe, either.

The traumatic effect that piece of information had on him was something he never got over. But it wasn't only how dirty the air was, either. It was dusty and dry, and it always caused his eye contacts to dry on his eyes, causing him to see blurry for a while, and there had been many incidents where Bakugou had furiously rubbed his eyes, and made himself blind for a good few minutes.

People there always seemed to be almost as rude and angry as him, most of them thinking they had the right to sit wherever and whenever, and people invading his personal space wasn't something unusual, either. And the smell, oh god, the smell. Some people obviously hadn't discovered what a fucking soap or deodorant was since he could sometimes feel the smell in his brain.

All this, even though he hadn't even seen the real torture. With the mean, scary look on his face and the way he stood that screamed, stay away from me if you're smart enough, people usually tried to do just that, so Bakugou didn't know what his space being invaded actually could be, or how bad the smell could get.

It was a warm day when he had met you. When he saw you barging in the last second, right before the doors closed behind you, he scoffed, slightly amused. You looked like you were running for your dear life, chest heaving, a thin layer of sweat forming on your temples, clothes disheveled, and hair messy, but you had a proud smile on your lips despite all that.

Crimson eyes followed you as you happily sighed when you noticed the seat across Bakugou was free, dropping yourself on the hard surface. You looked around, realizing there was almost no one around the 10-meter radius of you, the seats were vacant, but people were crowding a bit further down the subway. Your brows furrowed with confusion, and only then did you notice the ash-blonde across you, his gaze piercing through you, the mean scowl on his lips reminding you of a wolf.

The moment your eyes met, Bakugou had expected you to jump to your feet and run away since he had become well-known after the sports festival and many incidents that had forced him to the tv. And even if someone didn't recognize him, the slightest glare from him was enough to make people run with their tails between their legs, but not this time, apparently, since you dared to cock your head to the side and smile at him.

Smile at him! It was almost an insult! When was the last time anyone actually did that? Especially a stranger? Or maybe you weren't a stranger, was that it? Looking at it now, you did have a familiar face, and it felt like he had seen you quite a few times before. But the more he tried to remember, the more the memory of you went deeper into his brain, causing him to grit his teeth subconsciously and look at you even more intensely. Bakugou wasn't aware he was staring at you like he was trying to see your soul, red gaze never faltering a second away from you.

It was when you tilted your brows slightly upwards, your pretty smile turning into an awkward one, he realized he was staring for the past station. Bakugou's brows snapped together, annoyed at himself, but he was also aware of how his face felt warmer than usual. He gritted his teeth with an angry grunt, looking away from you and fixing his eyes on the stupid advertisement that was right across from him, and he could swear he heard a muffled laugh coming from your way. Bakugou was surprised at how much he wanted to look at you, but his pride wouldn't let him do so, and so he kept staring at the poorly made advertisement brochure.

Bakugou was a proud, smug man, and he always prided himself on the amount of control he had over himself. But that day, he had let himself down. What was this stupid force that kept making him flick his eyes your way almost every five minutes? It felt like his body was possessed, and it was impossible to suppress his curiosity and not look at you. Bakugou had looked around if there was anyone else looking at you and to try and see if this was a quirk of some sort since it made no sense.

He grunted in annoyance when he couldn't help himself once again and glance at you, but it wasn't a curt look this time. His eyes narrowed and widened when he took a glimpse of you, of your relaxed body, head falling back and eyes closed.

"What the hell?" He muttered to himself, leaning forward slightly to try and understand just what the fuck you were- were you sleeping? The realization of how you were, in fact, fucking sleeping had hit him hard, brows shooting upwards, his eyes were wide with confusion and a wave of slight anger.

Were you dumb? Did you have no rational part in your brain? General knowledge of some sorts? Who in their right mind slept in a fucking subway? Where criminals swarmed, thieves lurking in the corners, waiting for people to slip for a second so they could steal a watch, phone, or a wallet easily, and you were sleeping?

Bakugou had no idea why he was so fired up about someone he had seen only half an hour ago. He couldn't help but jump in his place, ready to fight, hand itching for a punch whenever someone as much as walked before you, growling and shooting a dirty, scary look when he caught anyone looking your way more than half a second, even the baby that stood in the corner.

He was a hero, after all, right? It was only normal he wanted to protect you, right? Right? God fucking damn it, when were you even going to wake up? He had no idea how you were so relaxed to be able to sleep in a subway, but it caused him more stress than he had felt the past ten years.

When Bakugou noticed you finally shifting in your place and opening your eyes the second the next station's name was announced, he took a breath of relief. You started to gather your stuff as if you hadn't just woken up from a deep ass slumber, yawning and checking your phone for the time. Bakugou was watching you dazed, shocked at how someone could even do that. If pulling his interest and gaze towards you wasn't your quirk, this had to be it.

You glanced at him, his gaze meeting yours, and you smile once again, causing his heart to make an odd fucking pause, a snarl appearing on his lips, and he scoffs. But instead of that making you furrow your brows and turn around, you laugh again and turn around.

~~~

Bakugou had replayed that day over and over again in his head and had arrived at one conclusion.

You were mad.

You had to be at least a bit mad since it wasn't the most normal thing to smile at strangers as if you knew them for years, especially with a smile as charming as yours, and it was straight-up insane to sleep in a public place, a dangerous place like a subway.

But whatever conclusion he ended up with, he still couldn't get you out of his mind. It was the stupidest fucking thing ever, made no sense thinking about a stranger you had seen once, but you somehow didn't feel like a stranger. Of course, he didn't feel like he knew you for years, (even though Bakugou thought everyone else but him were just extras, he never forgot a face he saw), but you didn't feel like a threat, either.

The alerting feeling that formed in his stomach whenever he was around people he didn't know, or sometimes even with the people he did know, wasn't there that time.

Maybe he was just overthinking.

Of course, he was over fucking thinking. He had been thinking about a stranger for almost two days straight. (And he hadn't seen you ever since.)

It was such an odd behavior of him that even his friends had noticed something was wrong. Mina had done her best to get a word from him but failed, and Kirishima and Kaminari had declared it their mission to try and cheer Bakugou, and it only meant more for him to deal with.

"Hey, Bakubro, I'm going to the mall today with friends, wanna tag along?" Kaminari asked him the 20th time that day, not even aware it was the worst thing to say if he wanted Bakugou to come. "Look at me you damn Pikachu," Bakugou finally snapped, "If you ask me that one more fucking time, I swear to god-"

"Hey, hey, let's not get violent." Kirishima interrupted before Bakugou finished his threat, thinking it was the best before he spat some illegal shit out. "Then make him fuck off." Bakugou snarled.

"Yeah, actually, Kami? What are you even trying to do, asking him to come to your date?"

"It's a fucking date?" Bakugou burst, but Kaminari had already sprinted out of the room. "Did he ask me to third fucking wheel? How dense is he?!"

"Calm down, Bakugou." Kirishima sighed. "What's up with you these days, even more irritated than normal?"

"Huh, what the fuck does that even mean?"

"I'm just sayin'." Kirishima shrugged. "You're acting extra grumpy these past few days. You know you can talk to me if you-"

"Ah, don't start with the cheesy shit, shitty fucking hair. I'm fine." Bakugou cut him off, but his frown was now a bit softer, voice calmer.

"If you say so," Kirishima shrugged. "Hey, by the way, I'm going downstairs to the general studies to change something about my costume, wanna come?"

"General studies? Why the fuck would I go there? You've been visiting that place a lot lately, too." Bakugou asked a little too aggressively, his brows raising when Kirishima grinned. "What, afraid I'll steal your fan?"

"My fan?"

Fan? Bakugou had a fucking fan? Not that he cared, of course, but it still did feel-

Kirishima shrugged with a grin. "You know, the cute student who helped with your gauntlets? Maybe pay a visit to them sometime, they seem to like you a little." Kirishima chuckled when Bakugou kept looking at him blankly. All Bakugou could remember about the person who did his gauntlets was just how pretty their eyes were since he hadn't seen anything but that. He remembered how they always had a flimsy mask on, so it could filter the dust that covered everything in their work station, including the open half of their face.

"I'm not gonna go see an extra just because they like me." He scoffed, but Kirishima could see how Bakugou was dying inside to learn more about this fan of his.

"Sure, whatever you say, bro." He grinned cheekily, gathering his bag and walking downstairs.

~~~

It was the third-day Bakugou had finally stopped thinking about you nonstop, and it felt like freedom. The third time was the charm, wasn't it?

Of course, not.

You just had to show up the day he was over it, didn't you? You had once again sprinted through the doors just before they closed, heaving in the dirty air, face flushed. You stood up, trying to regain your composure as you smiled proudly at yourself and looking around to find a free seat.

It didn't take long for you to spot the angry blonde, lips pressed together angrily and vermillion eyes looking directly at you.

A bright smile appeared on your face just then, and even though you hadn't expected him to do anything, you were surprised when he averted his eyes away from you with a curt nod and a grunt. It had to mean he had acknowledged your smile, right? Well, you hoped it did since you were grinning stupidly at yourself.

You sat on your spot across from him, noticing how people stood even further away from you this time. Glancing at the handsome blonde across you, you tried and couldn't catch his crimson eyes.

You sighed, frustrated, not aware that Bakugou was even more so. He had promised himself that he wasn't going to be a creep and stare at you like the last time, but your occasional side-eyes and those doe-like glances weren't helping his case the slightest. He wanted to meet your gaze, he really did, but Bakugou also had pride that forbade him from doing so, so he was left there, frustrated and confused.

He was able to keep that up for eight minutes (he had checked, eight minutes and 34 fucking seconds) before he had finally looked at you. Apparently, all it took was eight minutes for you, too, to fall asleep.

You had fallen asleep.

Again?!

"For fucks sake." Bakugou cursed, pressing his fingers on the bridge of his nose and clenching his teeth. He had already concluded you were mad, but a second time? Was this a fucking habit or something?

He grunted in annoyance, but he couldn't take his eyes off you. You looked so relaxed and calm, the smallest smile on your lips, your head moving along with the movements of the train, hands weakly clutching your bag and phone. He felt almost jealous of how reckless you were.

Almost being the keyword, though.

"Don't you fucking get close." He snarled at the man that had been watching you for a few minutes, and he had only taken a step towards you before he heard the blonde and immediately retreated.

His 'come a little closer and I'll bite your head off' look never once faltering, Bakugou was feeling exhausted when he heard your station's name announced, and you opened your eyes. (despite the earbuds that were in your ears? You couldn't have heard the station's name, so how were you able to wake up right on time?)

You gathered your stuff and raised on your legs, just as the train took a sharp turn and caused you to lose your balance, stumbling over to the blonde. "Fuck!" You muttered as you tried to gain your balance back, but the hand that caught you from your wrist did it for you.

"Th-thank you." You told him, sounding a bit out of breath. You chuckled when he grunted. "Be careful, dumb- just be careful." He muttered, eyes slightly widening when he realized he was about to insult you.

You chuckled once again, and Bakugou had to stop himself from smiling back. "See you later, Bakugou-kun." You waved a shy hand, expecting him to sit back in his place, but instead, he looked at you, baffled.

"How do you know my name?

It was hard to surprise Bakugou. Not only was he extremely smart, but he was also very cautious and usually thought almost everything that could go wrong or not.

But he was genuinely, very sincerely shocked when you had started laughing at his question. Out loud, too. You were bending slightly forwards as you laughed, and Bakugou was both amazed and afraid of the motion. You had one of the prettiest laughs he had seen or heard, but this was the most awkward time you could have shown him that.

He had asked you how you knew his name, and you were laughing? He was starting to think you were even crazier than he thought you were. "You're quite popular, you know." You told him. "It's almost impossible to not know about you, especially if- well, after the sport festival, I'd say." You shrugged, pressing your lips in a mischievous smile, and Bakugou had noticed how you stopped yourself before something had slipped out of your mouth.

"Of course, I am." He replied smugly, but his eyes were watching you now even closer as if he was trying to solve a puzzle.

"Well, I have to go now, thanks again!" You smiled and waved goodbye, and Bakugou couldn't stop his scowl turning into an awkward smile.

~~~

It had turned into an odd form of agreement.

As days passed, you found yourself sitting closer to him, and after almost a week of bumping into each other, you were now sitting next to him, and he had no complaints.

He thought it was a bit better, actually. Not because he liked, it, of course, he didn't like being so close to you that your shoulders brushed when you moved, your head falling on his shoulder after only a few minutes of riding the train, sitting so close that your smell filled his senses.

No, of course, he didn't like that, and Bakugou liked having you sit so close to him because that was more convenient, and nothing else. It was easier to scare people away, to track if anyone walking before you was picking and sliding your phone into their pockets.

And maybe, just maybe, he might be liking your conversations, too. It wasn't much since you were almost always asleep, but when you weren't, Bakugou decided it wasn't the worst.

"So, mr. future number one hero," ah, and there was that. You referred to him as that often, and even though he was well aware it was mostly teasing, he had to admit it did affect his ego. "How was your day?"

"Fucking long." He sighed, and you giggled. "You always say that!"

"That's cause every day is fucking long!" He groaned, but he had an odd, almost affectionate smile on his lips that just made your heart giddy. "Well, that's hero course for you." You chuckled, biting your lip as you debated whether he'd push you off if you dropped your head on his shoulder now.

This had become your favorite part of the day. Not only was his caramel scent addicting, and it caused you to have the best sleep of your life (you found yourself unable to sleep without caramel scent and the safe feeling it brought to you, so you had to purchase caramel-scented candles), but he was also always warm.

So you did, deciding to live the moment to its best, closed your eyes and dropped your head, half expecting to be thrown off. But he didn't, chuckled instead, the vibrations of his laugh sending chills through your body. "Sleepy already?" He muttered into your hair, surprising you since you thought he wasn't the type to be comfortable with intimacy much, but he looked relaxed.

You could almost feel him smirking when you nodded softly. "Your day was obviously fucking long as well."

~~~

"Ah, man! I forgot my phone downstairs." Kirishima cussed, rolling his eyes at himself. "Hey, Bakubro, I have to leave immediately, but could you pick my phone up for me?"

"Do I look like a fucking maid from there?"

"Please, please! I have to go, and maybe you'll see your fan, too!" Bakugou's brows furrowed, "Whatever, if it'll make you shut the fuck up." He sighed annoyedly, he wouldn't have agreed any other day, but he had nothing better to do since you had texted him about an hour ago that you were going to be late for the train that day. Something about the school, you had told him.

"Really? Dude, you're a lifesaver, thanks!" Kirishima sighed relieved. "Just wake them up if they're asleep! They're like a cat, almost always sleeping in a corner." He added before he left the room.

Somehow, that description sounded awfully familiar, Bakugou thought.

"Oi, is anyone fucking here?" He called into the dim litten room when he arrived, mumbling to himself something about extras and dumbasses. He had visited the room once or twice when he was having his gauntlets remade, and why did he feel like he was missing something?

"Oi?" He shouted one more time, red gaze stumbling on the figure that was in the corner of the room, almost hiding behind the table, sleeping. His eyes found a half-melted caramel-scented candle on the table, wondering if it was safe to have a candle in a workshop like this one. A mask and workshop clothes stood right next to the candle.

"Hey, I'm fucking talking to... you." His voice trailed off when they lifted their head, stretching their arms when their eyes found the dumbfounded blonde.

"Oh, hey Katsuki-kun!" You cheered, rising to your legs.

"What the hell are you- why are you... What the fuck?"

You kept your silence, a mischievous smile on your lips as you waited for him to regain his thoughts. You watched as he connected the pieces, a lightbulb almost visible above his head. "You're a fucking student here!" He yelled, and you couldn't help but giggle at how accusing he sounded.

"Guilty as charged." You raised your hands, teasing him, knowing this was a one-time chance.

"Ah, would you look at the time." You spoke, inspecting the nonexistent watch on your wrist. "We should hurry if we want to catch the next train, you know." You grinned, watching him as he tried to suppress the smile creeping upon his lips.

"I guess so." He muttered, frowning as he looked away, but it was only to hide the blush that was settling on his cheeks.

381 notes · View notes

fly-like-a-phoenix · 3 years

Text

House of Lust (part 16)

Abbé de Coulmier x reader

Summary: Five years has passed since the events of Quills. The Abbé de Coulmier is released of prision by a misterious event. And he will know again those feelings he never thought will meet again: love... and lust.

Warnings: some mentions of violence and wounds, mentions of sex.

Odelle went to the dungeons in the morning, finding François sleeping on the ground, covered with the blanket. She actually thought he was dead for a minute, but he wasn't. He survived the punishment. And she didn't know how.

What she was thinking by now was about that empty bottle and that blanket. Who gave those to him? Was it you? One of the guards? Louis? Claude? One of the guests? No, they didn't know he was in the dungeons.

She opened the cell and approached him. She kneeled beside him and put her hand on his shoulder, moving him to wake him up.

"Abbé. Hey Abbé. Wake up. C'mon."

He started to open his eyes and, at the moment he saw Odelle, he jumped and moved to a corner, scared like if she was the product of a nightmare. He even thought he was dead, and she was a demon from a real Hell.

"Oh, do I scare you that much? That's nice!" She mocked. "Take this. Put them on." She throwed him a new cassock, shirt and trousers, and waited for him outside, smiling. He still had some bruises all over his body, and that made her feel good. But the lashes in his back somehow were cured. And she noticed it. It was impossible he did it alone. Someone must have help him.

Coulmier arrived at her side with new clothes, while he finished zipping the last buttons. He was breathing slowly. He frowned when he saw her standing and waiting for him. He wanted to kill her. It was the same feeling he always had while seeing doctor Roger-Collard.

He thought a lot about him those days in the dungeon. It reminded him a lot of the Charenton cell he made him go into. He thought a lot about Madeline too. And the Marquis. He dreamt about them. And you. He dreamt about you a lot.

"What the hell do you want now, Odelle? What are you going to make me do?" Said he, angry. His nails scratched the skin of his palms.

"I'm not going to make you do anything, Abbé. I'm done with you. I punished you because of what you did. But that's it. Today is the last day of the House of Lust this year. And you'll be free to go."

Was that true? He didn't trust her at all. But she didn't seem to be kidding. Maybe she was going to free him. Maybe it was true. But it was just a maybe. He didn't say anything else. He just glanced at her with hate.

"Now, go to Y/N chambers and clean yourself a little. Fix you hair. You're so handsome, but now you look horrible."

She smiled and left. He heard moans coming from a door next to where he stood. But it was a common thing by now, and he didn't mind about it.

He entered to your bedroom and found you sleeping. He approached to you in silence, sitting at the edge of the bed, extending his hand to touch your hair. You were fine. That was everything he wanted to know.

"Y/N, it's me." He said, and you woke. You scared at first, but then you recognized him.

"Abbé! Oh my God, I was so scared! Are you okay?" You hugged him quickly, not letting him a chance to go anywhere.

"I'm fine, Y/N. I'm... I'm fine. I'm alive." He smiled.

He broked the hug and looked at you im silence, right into your eyes. You kissed him with hunger, surprising him. But then, he continued with the kiss, touching your face and then your neck.

"I've missed you so much, François." You said, and his name in your lips caused something inside of him.

He started to cry suddenly. You didn't understand why, but you hugged him again, caressing his hair with pity. You didn't know what he had been through.

"Why are you crying, Abbé? What is it?"

"I thought your sister was going to kill me, Y/N. She... Let me in that cage like an animal. And, you know what? I didn't care about that. But then I thought about you, and I wanted to survive for you. I'm so glad you're fine! This are tears of joy!"

You hugged each other again, but when your hand caressed her back, he jumped with pain.

"What is it?" You said quickly, noticing he wasn't that right. You cupped his face with your hands. "You're not okay."

"No. Actually, I'm not." He smiled with pain in his eyes, tears still filling those green diamonds. "Your sister tortured me."

"What?! That fucking bitch! I'm going to kill her!" You screamed.

"Don't say those things, love." Coulmier cut what you were saying, putting his index finger in your lips. "I share the feeling, but tomorrow we will be free."

"You're right. I'm sorry, François. You're absolutely right. Tomorrow we can go to any place we wish, together."

"Actually, I want to talk with you about a couple of things---"

"Not here. Wait. Come with me to the bathroom. I'll give you a nice bath."

He smiled and followed you to the bathroom. He took off all his new clothes, and you couldn't help but put your hands in your mouth when you saw him naked. His back was all wounded with lashes. He had a stiched cut in his chest above the right nipple. And many bruises all over his skin.

"Josephine helped me." He whispered, in case anyone was outside. "She cured my wounds. You were right. She is not like Odelle."

"I told you she's nice. I hope she can get out of this place soon." You said, helping him enter the bathub, which was full of warm water. You started to clean the rests of blood from his back with care.

"I wanted to talk about that. I'm thinking she can go with us, at least while we go away from here. Do you agree?"

"Well... Yeah. She's my sister. And yes, she's done a lot of bad things, but I love her. It's a good idea. I agree."

You both stayed in silence a couple of minutes, just watching each other. You were washing his back with care and, when you ended, you started to give him a little massage in his chest and shoulders. He moaned a little because of the good feeling. After those days in the dungeons, it was nice to be back with you.

"Odelle makes a party every year when the days of the House of Lust are over." You explained. "We have to go and act normally. If anyone asks why they didn't see you these days, we can say you had a seminary."

"What happened these days I've been in the cell?" He asked with confussion.

"I don't know. I've been in a cell myself, Abbé. Odelle locked me up in my bedroom. Josephine brought me food and some water, and I had a bath just before you arrived."

"That bitch... I can't wait to be out of here, away from her." Said he, with hate. You couldn't blame him. You felt like that since many years.

"I need to ask you something, Abbé."

"Tell me." He responded, closing his eyes to feel your fingers massaging his scalp.

"When we were... You know... About to make love... And my sister found us..."

"Yeah...?"

"You said you had to confess something. What was it?"

François opened his eyes and looked at you briefly. He suddenly remembered how good you tasted, and the sounds you made while he was fucking you with his mouth and fingers just before he was taken to the dungeon. Yes. He had to confess something. Something awful. And surely you will understand.

"Do you know the 100 Days of Sodom? The book, I mean. It's a Marquis de Sade book."

"Yeah, my sisters have it in our library. Odelle reads it since it came out, and uses to practice somethings in here. Why?"

"Did you read it?"

"Some parts, just because she obligued me to do it. What has the book to do with your confession?"

He closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath, like if what he was about to say was really painful for him. He shocked his head and, with notable shame in his eyes, he talked with low voice.

"It wasn't the Marquis de Sade who wrote it. It was me. Roger-Collard... The doctor who made me be an inmate... When the Marquis died, I started to write as if I was him. I heard his voice in my head, guiding my hand into the paper. When Roger-Collard knew about that, he made me write a long story to print as a book. He told everyone it was the last thing the Maquis ever wrote, but it was me."

"And what about that?" You said, not getting why was that so bad.

"If people is so wicked... If this House of Lust has it existense based in that book, as you said... It's all my damn fault. I... I was so away from God... With everything that happened in those days... My mind was full of demons. And I really understood why the Marquis had to write them."

There was an extended silence in the room, with you finally getting how bad it was for him to write such a nasty, bad and pervert tale as that. Who will imagine it? A priest writing those things!

"Hey. Look at me." You took his face in you hands. "No one has to know. Ever. And I will keep my mouth shout. I promise. It wasn't you who wrote it. As you said, it was the Marquis. But you don't hear him anymore, don't you?"

"No. I haven't hear his voice in a year."

"So, you are you. And that's everything is fine." You said, smiling. He smiled back and kissed you.

"Now, we have to go to the stupid party. This will end soon. And we will be free to do whatever we want."

You helped him to put his clothes again and, back in your bedroom, you brushed his hair with care. He looked at himself in the mirror, and you, standing behind him, approached to him and kissed his cheek.

"You're so damn handsome." You said, waiting for him at the bedroom's door. "And you look so fine... I don't think no one will ask anything odd."

"I'm fine thanks to you and Josephine. And you are magnificent and beautiful too." He responded, smiling, hugging you and kissing you again, as if he didn't spent three days in a cell after a painful and pleasurable torture. "I love you, Y/N."

Guests started to arrive to the dining room from their bedrooms while you smiled at him. It will be a long, weird day. You both knew that. But you didn't imagined what was coming. You had no idea...

Tagging: @darknessisafriend @five-miles-over @yukis-writing @thegirlwho @jokerflecker @missrockabilly99 @luperugorria99 @weirdflecksbutok @skaraboo @starksclown @sgtsavoytruffle @joaquinisart @sophiefleck @the-queen-of-things @ajokerfangirl @bailaycantaconmingo @joaquinphoenixdaily @joaquinfeed @beatlebabe1996

#joaquin phoenix #abbe x reader #quills #abbe de coulmier x reader #abbe de coulmier thirst squad #abbe de coulmier #abbe thirst squad #abbé de coulmier #marquis de sade #joaquin phoenix x reader

29 notes · View notes

everyhowlmarksthedead · 3 years

Text

❛ YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE ❜

✨ REQUEST: hermanikiiiiiii i wanted to request you the prompt number 1 with coco cruz!!thank you, love you muchisisimoooooo💕💕

✨ PROMPTS: “Wait, you love me? Like Garfield loves Lasagna?”

✨ MADE BY: Juls.

Gif credit: to my lovely @supervalcsi.

WORDS: about 2k.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place or something that makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted ❤

❚❙ JOHNNY ‘COCO’ CRUZ MASTERLIST.

❚❙ MASTERLIST.

❚❙ JOIN MY TAG LIST.

When you heard that Coco had been shot, your heart suddenly stopped. It was four days ago in some kind of dog's fight, as Chuckie told you at the scrapyard. Bishop needed someone to take care of him while they were investigating what happened, so you offered yourself without doubting it.

Much to your regret, you are only two good friends, even if you feel more things that you can't explain, about which you haven't talked with anyone. And thanks to your work in the hospital, you managed a room only for him, so he could rest as much as he wanted, as much as he needed. But your back hurts like hell after being sleeping on the sofa, close to the bed, just to make sure that you were able to attend to all his necessities for minimal they were.

These days there, you have learned a lot about him, about his curiosities, about his fears; spending his time awake talking with you to keep his mind entertained, to not think about the pain in his lower abdomen. Your mates took the bullet in a jiffy, but, normally, the sorrow remains for a couple of weeks. Luckily, he only complained when the hour of the next turn of medicines was close.

You have tried to not think about your feelings the time you were in the hospital, but it was impossible. All you wanted to do was to lie by his side on the bed, embrace him between your arms and kiss him, having to conform yourself with holding his hand and resting your cheek on the mattress. Your eyes have never left his eyes, not even when he was sleeping, on alert in case of an unforeseen because of pain, or an infection, or God who knows. You were really paranoid.

“You ready?”

Coco glared at you, slightly tilting his head. You had asked the same question five times in the last two minutes. Offering him a hand to secure himself, the mexican put down from the hospital bed, ready to leave and go home. Angel and Gilly had cleaned his house, even if you insisted to Bishop that you could do it. But he asked you back to stay with him till the next morning, so he wouldn't stay the night alone until they came back from the other side of the border.

Two knocks in the opened door brought you back to reality from your own thoughts, in the meantime that you helped Coco to wear his leather kutte. Directing your tired eyes to the entrance of the room, you found three Vicki's girls, happily waving their hands. Raising an eyebrow confused and your lips pressed, they came in without asking.

“Papi, we've missed you”. The latin and playful tone of voice from Mariela, as she swung her hips to your friend, gave you shivers.

In just one sight, your presence was pushed to the background. These girls hadn't even called to ask about his state of health and, now, they were there as if they did all the work you did —delighted, of course. Trying to keep calm, you put Coco's clothes into his bag, zipping it when everything is ready.

“No te preocupes, we take care of him now”. Carolina sentenced with contempt and superiority, grabbing his stuff ready to abandon the hospital.

“Yeah, mami. Go home and rest”. His words hurt. More than a bullet.

Preferring their company besides yours let you know that he hadn't taken in count what you did. And yes, you did it because you wanted, but you also thought that maybe could mean a step ahead. But it wasn't. Not saying a word, doing anything but a simple nod with your chin, you grabbed your bag to step out from there. Ashamed. Feeling stupid.

Two weeks have passed and Coco has come back to the clubhouse. This time you have been doing extra shifts to compensate for your lost days taking care of him, almost walking like a zombie from home to work, and from work to home. So, when Bishop invites you to a party in his honor, you decline it. You are too tired physically to assist and tired mentally for foolishness. What is the point of going to a party to see Coco having fun with those bitches? You have had enough after two weeks without receiving a single text to thank you or to know how you are. He hasn't even cared about the fact that you haven't shown up in the club for two weeks. That's the little he thinks in your friendship.

Zapping from one channel to another, you try to find something to watch. A movie, a tv show, whatever that helps to distract your mind, while you enjoy thai noodles with beef. Finally finding an action movie, you cover yourself with a cozy blanket, grabbing the cardboard box to start your dinner. The ringtone of your phone interrupts your calm, with Coco's name on the screen. At first, you don't want to answer, but he continues insisting for more than three long minutes. Hanging up and calling again. With a furious growl installed in your throat, you leave over the table your dinner to grab your phone.

“The fuck means you aren' comen'?”

He doesn't even let you say hi or how are you.

“It means that I'm tired and I have to work at five”.

“I don' think one damn beer reverses your sleeping schedule, Yo' Grace”.

“Fuck you, Jonathan. I've been working double shifts to cover the hours I was taking care of you in th—”.

“Nobody asked you to do it”.

Eyes widened and your heart racing. You can't believe he just said that.

“Yeah, nobody did. But your hermanos preferred to be on the other side of the border. Your putas preferred to be partying and sucking dicks in Vicki's. And your mamá sent me pal' carajo when I called to tell her what happened. I did it because I was your friend. Because I cared about you. Because seeing you there with… all those tubes was killing me. That shit continues giving me nightmares every fucking night. But you shit on that. You kicked me as soon as your putas came to the hospital”. You don't know when you have started to cry, more than because of the rage than because of the sadness. “I'm sorry if I'm too tired to drink a fucking beer, but my job is more important than a person who doesn't give a shit about me, who hasn't called or text me in two weeks, who only wants my company when no one else is around. Have fun in your damn party and fuck all those whores to thank them for picking you up from the hospital, but didn't care about how you were after being shot”.

Hanging up, you toss the phone somewhere on the table, wrapping your body with the blanket and lying down on the sofa. Trying to contain the tears, the only thing you earn is to cry bitterness. You can't understand why he only has noticed your absence at the party. What has changed? Probably it was his egocentrism working, wanting to be surrounded by a lot of people, not caring if they're his friends or not. But you're done being his lapdog.

About to fall asleep, the angry hits in the main door make you suddenly wake up agitated.

“Open up!”

The rage is consuming you again after hearing the strong mexican accent, taking three long strides towards it to receive him with your reddened crystal eyes.

“What the fuck 'you want now? Haven't you had enough beating myself up?”

“You're fuckin' dramatic”. He spits in your face, stopping with a foot the slam to his about to close the door again. “I didn't talk to you because you were working, bu' you didn't talk to me either”.

“Yeah, because you were served with your bitches. Go fuck yourself, Jonathan”.

“Don' call me like that again”. Coco grunts taking a step into your house. “You had to work, they came to cover your back”.

“Oh, please, don't make me laugh. They just wanted to have the credits of taking care of you, so you will expend more money with them. That's the only thing they care about you. Wake up from your world of fantasy, Coco. If you weren't part of the MC, you wouldn't be a shit for them; just another fucking soldier with a broken home”. You can't help but push his chest with both hands, driven by anger.

At first, he doesn't say anything. He looks thoughtful, being aware of the truth in your words. And it hurts that you have to be the one to open his eyes. The problem is that you weren't thinking while talking, pulling your gaze away from him and pressing your trembling lips, one against the other.

“I'm sorry”. You babble, cleaning your tears with the back of your left hand. “I didn't mea—”.

“But you said so”. Coco interrupts you with a husky tone of voice, bristling every inch of skin of your anatomy. “That's wha' I am without my kutte. An ex-soldier, a criminal, an outlaw. I spend my money on them because they take care of me, one way or another”.

“I did it too”.

“So, what? What you want? Money? Tell me an amount”.

Squinting at him, you can't help but chuckle with a painful and bitter laugh.

“I did it because I love you, not because I want your money”. You confess, knowing there's no going back. “I don't care about your money, nor your job, nor about your kutte. I love you because you make me happy. After all, for me, there's nothing better than a hug of yours, because you… you are simply amazing. You're intelligent, funny, loyal. And I wish that you could see yourself through my eyes, Coco”.

He, not saying anything, is killing you slowly. Barely breathing, you cross your arms over your chest to hide the fact that your lungs aren't receiving any air.

“I thought that after being shot, you realized you only live once. And that… after being those… boring days with me, you realized that you preferred the company of these other girls. The funny part of being alive. So I just pulled myself away”. Taking a small pause, you bow down your head, cleaning your tears again. “These weeks have been torture. I've written you a lot of texts that I haven't sent… and I've been a lot of times about to call you. But 'you know that… feeling when you think... the other person is not gonna answer you, because maybe is too busy for you? That shit has been destroying me”.

Hoping that Coco finally is going to speak, he remains silent. Looking at you openmouthed, processing all the information you have just give him.

“Can you, ple—please, say something?” You beg almost shaking.

“Wait, you… love me? Like… Garfield loves lasagna?”

Raising your eyes, pouting at him, you know that he's trying to make you laugh after understanding all the pain you have been through. Lonely. Without talking about it with anyone.

“I'm sorry, mami… I just… fuck”.

Cupping your cheeks onto his hands, Coco slams his lips on yours, tasting the salty tears you have shed because of him. The sloppy kisses bring some more air to your lungs, calming your racing pulse and making you feel less unhappy. As your fingers get intertwined in his shirt, crinkling under your grip, he urges you to walk backward so he can close the main door with a kick.

“God knows I'm so fuckin' sorry… Please, forgive me”. Coco's whispers brush your lips, keeping his eyes closed just like yours. “I'm gonna take care of you now, okay?”.

Nodding in silence, you place your arms around his middle back, hiding your face into his chest. His strong scent brings you back to life, while his arms wrap you tightly to comfort all the pain he has provoked you without knowing it.

“I just want you, ma'. No one else. Just you”.

#lemme know what you think in a comment! ✨#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #mayans mc #johnny coco cruz x reader #johnny coco cruz imagine #coco cruz imagine #coco cruz x reader #coco cruz

187 notes · View notes

livelovecaliforniadreams · 2 years

Note

hi there! i really hope i don't sound mean bc i genuinely mean well! i see your gifs all the time bc you gif literally all my favorite shows and i wanna give you an advice, obvs you don't have to use it but i think it bothers many people and it would make your sets get more notes. so one thing is that your gifs aren't 540px wide and it makes them look weird on tumblr bc that's the dashboard width. second thing is you save your gifs on "pattern" while usually people save on "diffusion" bc it makes them look more hq. i just wanted to let you know in case you just weren't aware of these. feel free to hmu if something isn't clear, and again sorry if that sounded mean in any way!!

please answer privately :)

WOW! You were rude as hell. Contradicting yourself much? Please answer privately? Not happening. Now everyone can see you for the bitch you are. Did I ask for your opinion? I didn't. Did you ever think maybe I don't give a shit about how many notes I get and I do this for fun. That's why I don't tag all those stupid huge accounts all the damn time because I'm not a follower or note seeker. Someone shouldn't need to tag accounts to get notes. If people like the post they like it if not they don't it's not hard. Now everyone can see this bullshit. God I hate people who bully others. This is so rude. It's mean and hurtful to be honest. And I had this open for gif requests not rude criticism I didn't ask for. But I'm closing it now because I don't need this crap. I don't need to be attacked by rude people for no reason. Learn to be kind to others and not attack and bully and bring down other people. This is why the world is such a fucked up place because people think they know everything and bring down others and make them feel like utter and complete crap. And I really hate responding to bullying and hate but I'm pissed off. Not responding to anyone else. The gif requests are closed. If you don't have anything nice to say unfollow or block me. DONE!

#jesus christ #people are so fucking rude #like if you dont have anything nice to say dont fucking say it #dont give an opinion if someone doesn't ask for it #sounded mean #bitch was rude as hell #i hate people who contradict themselves #obviously if you say you hope you're not mean you are bitch

7 notes · View notes

atalho-s · 3 years

Text

Sweet Sugar

3 | Cruel Summer

pairing: tom holland x reader

warnings: swear words, underage drinking (not much tho, nothing descritive and nothing like “Skins” lmao), suggestive scenes in some chapters, not smut!! but minors be aware. Fluff/angst/drama/ Y/n and Tom being stupid teenagers with feelings.

words: 1.6

a/n: english it's not my first language, Sorry for any mistakes! If you want to be tag on the next chapters, please let me know

Summary: Y/n, Harrison and Tom has always been best friends. Since childhood they’ve always been close, but what happens if after a break up with her first boyfriend, she starts to feel something more about Tom?

PART 3! If you want to read the other parts click here

Don’t forget to check out the playlist by @petesrparker created for the series! here

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

After a few minutes of crying I felt someone approaching and sitting beside me. I looked up, wiping my eyes, and saw a worried-looking Haz in front of me.

- What happened? Are you okay? I noticed you were missing from the dance floor. - he asked and wrapped one of his arms around me hugging me sideways.

- I’m okay Haz, I think I just got sick, that's all, it must have been the drink.

- Y/n... as you said: I know you from other life, and you didn't even drink much, now tell me, why are you crying? - I hated when he insisted like that, but it was fair, after all he was my brother at heart.

- Haz... I don't want to talk about it, it's so immature I don't even know how to explain it to you, I think it was just something of the moment.

- Did some idiot hurt you? Because I can go back there and...

- No! Nobody did any harm, it's okay... - I said, wiping some tears that insisted on falling.

- Y/n please tell me, I swear I won't tell anyone. You're not one to cry like that...

- I saw Tom kissing Meghan and I felt bad, ok? - I interrupted him, looking at the ground with shame that I had admitted that out loud.

Haz was silent for an infinite number of minutes, processing what I had just said, until he touched my shoulder, I looked at him and I could see the confusion in his eyes.

- Since when do you like Tom that way?

- I don't know the exact date, I just... I started to feel different about him a while after I broke up with Steven... But I think it's just something temporary, you know? Maybe because he is my best friend and treats me well, I ended up having a crush on him, I think that was it, but it will pass, I just need to distract myself with something else...

- Y/n are you sure it's something temporary? Well, I'm your best friend too and you never felt that way about me.

- Yeah, but I always saw you as my brother and Tom as my best friend... I can't explain it, I just know it's different, it always has been, but I'm sure this stronger feeling must be temporary, I just need some time.

- Darling... I'm so sorry. How about we go home? We can watch tv shows and forget about it.

- Are you sure Haz? You were talking to Gracie, I don't want to take you out of the party like that, especially from the side of your other half who I know one day you two will get married, live in a cabin in the woods, have several children and I'll be godmother to them. - I said and Haz laughed and I followed. Laughing after crying is one of the best feelings.

- Damn, you created a whole fanfic. - He said and now I wiped the tears of laughter. - But seriously, we can go, it's already midnight. - He said looking at the watch on his wrist - I'm just going to tell Gracie, so she doesn't think I forget about her and say that you're not feeling well and want to go home, how about that?

- Okay... but only because I'm feeling like crap. - I said pouting and he kissed my head hugging me tight.- I'll be right back, madam.

Haz then got up and went back inside and I took the opportunity to text my mother saying I would be at the Osterfields' house and she sent me an ok.

It took a few minutes and he came back waving for me to join him. I got up, going after him in the parking lot, as he didn’t drink, because he came with his car. We walked in, turning on the radio, and we heard Taylor Swift's Cruel Summer start to play, how ironic.

- Did Tom say something about us leaving? - I asked looking at him.

- No, actually he was busy... but I told Tuwaine and Gracie. - Haz said stopping at the red light.

-Hmm- I sighed trying not to imagine what Tom could be "busy" with. - And Gracie wasn't upset?

- No, I said it was an emergency and she understood. - He smiled in my direction squeezing my hand and I smiled.

- Thank you Haz, I don't know what it would be without you.

- I know, I'm awesome. - He spoke blinking.

- Oh god, I can't even try to say something nice for once. - I said rolling my eyes - But you're really awesome. - and he blew me a kiss in the air and I gave him a laugh shaking my head.

We arrived at Haz's house and Jenna welcomed me with open arms as usual.

We went to Haz's room and I helped him pull up and make the bed besides his own and he gave me a pair of pajamas that I could wear. I went into the bathroom and took off my defeat-smudged makeup and came back lying next to Haz on the top bed as we turned on the tv to a random show that was on. But, of course, we don't pay any attention, because we are talking the whole time.

-... So, Gracie said she liked my eyes a lot, and I didn't know what to do. - He said while we discussed the events of the night, ignoring Tom and company.

- Aww Hazzy, what a cute little cliché. - I said making a melted face. - And you didn't say anything?

- I just said thank you and I said hers were beautiful too, but I got nervous, that's when I realized you were gone and I went after you.

- Wow, I can't believe I ruined this perfect moment.

- Nah, don't even worry, I have all the time in the world, in fact she's from my class, so we still have a lot of opportunity to talk. - he said and I nodded yawning.

- Let's go to sleep? It's almost 3 in the morning. - He said turning off the TV and I gave a thumbs up scratching my eyes.

I jumped down to the bottom bed and covered myself, turning to the other side.

- Haz?

- Yeah?

- If you tell Thomas anything I'll kill you and desert you. - I said listening to him laugh and fell asleep right away.

********************************

The other day I woke up and looked to the side, seeing that Haz was still sleeping. I picked up my cell phone, stretching, and saw that it was almost noon. I got up quietly making sure that I was not making too much noise, went into the bathroom and put on my clothes from the night before. I needed to go home to take a shower and take the rest of that weird night.

I sat next to Haz nudging him until he blinked awake.

- Haz, I'm going, thanks for everything. - I said while he was returning to planet earth little by little.

- Already? Don't you want to have lunch first? - He said sitting on the bed.

- Thanks, but I need to go home, I have some work to finish too, see you tomorrow at school?

- Okay, but if you need anything call me. - He said and I agreed hugging him going towards the door.

- And promise you'll keep your mouth shut?

- I swear, cross my heart. -He said zipping his mouth and I pointed my index finger at him intimidating him.

I went downstairs and thanked Jenna, greeting Charlotte who had already woken up. I said goodbye to them and went out into the sun on a Sunday that I was miraculously doing in London. I walked home, went in, had lunch and went straight to my room, I wanted to stay in alone with my feelings. Was my period coming up? It's not possible that I'm feeling so bad.

I took a shower, changed into comfortable clothes and fell into bed, putting on some sad music to play, closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on the sadness.

A few minutes later I felt my cell phone vibrate with a message coming through.

I unlocked the screen and saw "Tommy 🤓 send you a message" written. I took a deep breath and opened it to look at what he had sent.

Tommy 🤓 says "Hi stranger! Why did you and Haz disappear yesterday? 😭"

Tommy 🤓 says "Tuwaine told me you weren't okay, I tried calling you guys and nothing..."

Tommy 🤓 says "Is everything alright?"

I rolled my eyes reading the messages and at the same time not wanting to respond, but started typing.

Y/N 🌻 says "Everything it’s okay, don’ worry 😊 I think some drink went wrong and I felt a little sick, but nothing to worry about, rlx"

Y/N 🌻 says "The party was great! Too bad I couldn't stay longer..."

I think I was a good liar.

Tommy 🤓 says "Damn it, but I'm glad you're ok, the party was really great! I've already posted the photos on insta. There some really weird ones... 😂"

Y/N 🌻 says "I can imagine 😂"

Tommy 🤓 says "I have a really strong hangover right now, I'm going back to sleep, want to come over later? I want to tell you some things that happened 👀"

Sure Tom, I'm going to your house so you can tell me everything about your wonderful night with Meghan, sure.

Y/N 🌻 says I'd like to, but my stomach's still kind of bad from yesterday 😭 so I'll just stay here, see you tomorrow?"

I told him to avoid him to come at my house.

Tommy 🤓 says "Okay 🥺, take care! See you tomorrow shortie!"

He said and I sent a "😘" blocking the screen. I lay on my stomach and buried my head on the pillow wanting to scream. Tom seemed happy and excited to tell me the "things" from last night, why couldn't I be happy for him? Damn feelings!

I think what I had to do was sleep, eat chocolate, put on a really cliche romantic comedy movie, wait to see if my period would come down (why was I being so dramatic? It could only be that) and pray that monday I would be better.

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland friends to lovers #tom holland series

32 notes · View notes

catboy-lover-archive · 3 years

Text

Obey Me Romanian MC

idea inspired by @/harunayuuka2060 (too shy to tag them)

Nu ştiu ce inspirație supraomenească m-a lovit dar am început asta la 2 dimineața și am terminat-o la 6.30

Im sleep deprived bc I stayed up all night doing this, enjoy gagicile mele

[added translations]

(under the cut bc this bitch is long af)

Lucifer: Are you not enjoying your meal?

MC: This food isn't even good. Next time I'm bringing my bunica to make you guys sarmale best thing you ever tried 👩‍🍳👌😘 mwah

MC: I'm not gonna go out with Satan, Beel, Asmo or Belphie.

Asmo: Awww

Beel: :(

Belphie: What?!

Satan: Why?

MC: Why date a guy who's favorite color is not in romanian flag? 🤔🇷🇴

Asmo: But I thought you could-

MC: For the last time IM NOT A VAMPIRE I CAN'T HYPNOTIZE PEOPLE OR MAKE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

Levi: Ohhh!!!! So are you like familiar with Castlevania-

MC: We don't talk about that *cries in disappointed*

Solomon: What is this weird potion.

MC: *puts bottle of țuică (plum brandy) on the table*

MC: This is not a potion, but a solution to all of your problems gagica 💖

MC: *talking to Lucifer* Oh iubire (love), stop crying over Diavolo again. Why cry over guy who would wear vagabond everyday in my country?

MC: Tsch tsch tsch

Lucifer: What the fuck is Vagabond

MC: Only the worst of streetwear existent. Only f-boys use it

Lucifer: Fair enough

Beel: Why do you want to try out for the sports team?

MC: Because Steaua, my country's team, disappointed me 😔

MC: Mammon! Asmo! Let me show you guys a thing called ✨manele✨

(after the Belphie incident)

MC: Does anybody have a belt.... a belt so I can...no reason...papuci de casă (slippers) works too

MC: Hey Belphie! Did you enjoy your punishment? 😜

Belphie: My butt still hurts...

MC: Next time it's the lingură de lemn ♡ (wooden spoon)

*MC dancing to Braşoveanca*

Mammon: W-what's that???

Satan: Some sort of ritual I suppose

Asmo: *joining in* It's fun!

MC: Doi✌paşi🦵înainte➡️şi😱doi😩înapoi⬅️ (two steps forward two steps back)

MC: Who has summoned me?

Satan: Belphie isn't feeling well and the medicine didn't really do it's job.

MC: Everyone watch closely because I'm going to teach you guys a sacred ritual called ✨Frecție cu Oțet✨

Satan: You're just pouring vinegar on his wrist.

MC: Now here comes the fun part. *maggages his wrists*

Belphie: Someone please kill me this is unbearable

MC: Am I allowed to say Tatăl Nostru (Lord's prayer) or is that too....uhhh weird since yall are demons and stuff-

Barbatos: MC...

MC: I'm sorry but crossing myself after I finish a meal is implemented in my brain. It's in the default settings.

Barbatos: What happens if you don't cross yourself?

MC: Lingura de lemn (wooden spoon) *shivers*

Diavolo: Do you like my castle?

MC: Baby, Peleş puts you to shame.

MC: Also, too much current (swift). Close the damn windows

Lucifer, giving up on life: Oh not again...

MC: DA PĂ CIMPOI DA PĂ CIMPOI JOACĂ FETELE LA NOI 👉👈😳

MC: Real music here 😌

MC: There, there gacica (girlfriend). Don't cry. *pats him on the back*

Lucifer: Do you got any more țuică...

MC: That's the spirit!

MC: I know I technically didn't die, but can we please have a funeral??? There is this really tasty cake just for this special occasion called colivă. Beel is okay with it so- hey don't ignore me! wait guys this is important- wAIT!

Satan: I hate Lucifer because he is my father.

Belphie: I hate Lucifer because he sucks in general.

MC: I hate Lucifer because Favorite color is red which is COMMUNISM COLOUR 😡‼

Solomon: See?? MC likes my cooking!

MC: Piftie...Caltaboş...

MC: Solomon, you would make a very good romanian housewife. Say, have you ever considered getting a 701st wife...?

Beel: *munching happily on the food MC makes*

Lucifer: *getting a fucking break*

MC: *making grătar(barbeque) cu mici*

MC: Everybody loves 1 Mai!

MC: Beelphiiieee!!!! I have a spell for you 😊

Belphie: Please not the lingură de lemn-

MC: *boop on the nose* ✨du-te dracu✨ (go to hell)

Lucifer: How did you make everyone behave?

MC: *looking at the papuc de casă in hand*

MC: You either die a hero...or live enough to become the villain...

Lucifer: Interesting, can you teach me?

MC: The secret is to use your wrist-

MC, whispering: Psst! Mammon! How's the sarmale trading going?

Mammon: Its okay, but why can't you just give me the recipe?

MC: E din moşi strămoşi (it's from older generations) I can't give it to you

MC: Hey pisi, want a ride in my Dacia?

Simeon: ...what? :)

MC: Come on gagica(girlfriend)! We are going to visit my family they will love you!

MC: You can also bring Luke. Just uhhh don't let him drink from the "juicebox" ok? It's not- It's not juice in there

MC: But you can drink. I won't tell anyone.

Diavolo: MC you can't leave yet. Not even for a quick visit back home.

MC: Auzi, da du-te-n p- (well why don't you fuck yourself on my dic-)

MC: *sigh* Sometimes I wish Satan was wearing Vagabond instead of...whatever that is

Asmo: Ouch, but yeah I guess we are that desperate.

Satan: I'm never tutoring any of you again.

MC and Luke, just vibing honestly: ⬇️Intră-n👇apa🌊mării🐚şi🐋nu🐟te🙄teme😱ai😳să-nveți🤯să-noți🐠printre🤔sirene🧜‍♀️🧜‍♂️

(go in the sea's water and don't you be afraid you'll learn to swim among mermaids)

MC: No Asmo, I have a date to the ball he's right here *points at țuică bottle*

Belphie: *misbehaving*

MC: Vai, vai, vai. Sărumâna Belphie 😃 ( well, well, well good day Belphie)

MC: *grabs the papuc (slipper)*

MC: NO LUCIFER IT CAN NOT BE AN AN NOU FERICIT (happy new year) IF WE DO NOT DANCE THE HORĂ

MC and Luke, vibing yet again: POVEȘTI DIN FOLCLORUL MAGHIAR!!! (maghiar folklore stories!)

MC: Where is my țuică? :)

Everyone: *quiet*

MC: I won't get mad :)

MC:

MC: Foaie verse de trifoi~ *papuc reappears* Dați băi țuica înapoi (green leaf of clover, give the țuică back you fucker)

Everybody: *runs*

MC: Mândruțelor (girls), come back until I'll put this to good use

Levi: *exists*

MC: *in love with him bc his fav color is in the Romanian flag and not in the commie flag*

MC: Te las să te lingi cu mime în parcare la lidl (I'll let you french kiss me in the Lidl market parking lot)

MC: Lucifer you don't understand!

MC: Sandu Ciorbă cured my depression!

MC: Muie cretinii pământului (fuck y'all stupid asses) my țuică is back and I'm not sharing anymore

Asmo: We're doing hot girl shit tonight

MC: Ne curvim rău (we're hoeing)

MC: futu-ți cristelnița mătii (fuck your mother's font) Simeon you're the one that drank all my țuică

MC: I'll let it slide this once, if u take me for shaorma(shawarma) in Piața Victoriei (Victoria's market)

Solomon: Whoops, I accidentally messed up the sarmale recipe

MC: Aşadar războiu alesu l-ai (So you have chosen war)

Mammon: MC, how do you say "I hate you" in romanian?

MC: Dar eu sunt mândru că sunt twink. (I'm proud to be a twink)

Mammon, clueless: ok thanks

MC, to Belphie: I had such a rough day, please fute-mi una (fuck me over) and not the way I like

Mammon: What would be a quick way to make money?

MC: Gagica(girlfriend), listen. Culegător de sparanghel (asparagus picker) in Spain is your go-to.

Asmo: *blasting manele vechi (old manele).2006*

Asmo: Please love me!

MC: *already in wedding attire*

MC: Beel! Here, try this! Yeah yeah its completely fine!

MC: ...what do you mean it looks like Solomon's cooking?

MC: THIS IS PIFTIE AND YOU WILL LEARN TO APPRECIATE IT

MC: *dragging them all by the hand to therapy*

MC: Păi aşa-i hora pe la noi măi bade- (This is hora to us well my mans)

MC, talking to Lucifer: Măi omu lu dumnezeu îți fut una de nu te vezi (listen God's man I'll fuck you over that you'll not see again) if u lay a finger on my țuică again

MC: I don't care that you have daddy issues, this is MINE now thank you very much.

MC: Doamne cu ce ți-am greşit? (God, what have I done to you?)

MC: tanti Lilith, ia-mă cu tine gagicuțo milf ce ești (Miss Lilith, take me with you you milf girlfriend)

MC: Chiar și culesul de căpșuni din Spania era mai ok dacât (even strawberry picking in Spain is better than) Therapist Simulator hell edition

Diavolo: *exists*

MC: Vrei să-ți fiu a ta mireasă? (Do you want me to be your wife?)

Simeon: *exists*

MC: Vrei să-ți fiu Ileană Cosânzeană? ( Want me to be your fairy wife?)

Belphie: Every time I doze off they say this weird phrase...

MC: Dormeo(mattress company) ! Noapte bună! (good night!)

MC: What do you mean im not allowed to have a cross around my neck?

MC: My dead grandmother would kill me it's Sfântu Andrei for fucks sake

MC: The law is law we gotta put garlic and salt everywhere around the house

MC: This is what you get from taking my țuică away AGAIN

MC: I mean, at least i dont have to take the bacalaureat and face the woman-hating-Ion-Creangă-fucking-twink-looking-nightmare-inducing Eminescu so

MC: *drinks a Mona Spirt (rubbing alcohol) bottle in one go*

MC: that works wonders for me

#IM SLEEPY SO IM GOING TO SLEEP AT 7AM BYYYE #♡♡♡#romanian mc #romanian mc obey me #obey me #obey me swd #Diavolo e dilf nu ați auzit de la mine #romanian #romania

49 notes · View notes

radiorenjun · 3 years

Text

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

#announcement!#bye bye

16 notes · View notes

probablynot-john · 3 years

Text

Nightmares and Memories

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/original character

Summary: Monnie(aka captain Canada. Basically I replaced Steve with myself but you can read it as a reader insert) wakes Bucky up from a nightmare with unexpected results. (Don't worry it's pg, just super sad and fluffy)

Tags: @buckys2thicc

Bucky had been living in the compound for a month now, he was still sleeping on the floor alone in his room and still having nightmares almost every night. It was pitch dark in his room, he tossed and turned on the cold hard floor. He was dreaming about his time in HYDRA, how they worped his mind and stole his body and used him as a living weapon. This time it was in the eariler days of his conditioning. He was restrained to the table, they were trying to get him to say something, but he wouldn't. It hurt, they punished him when he wouldn't comply, but still he didn't. He was getting restless, they tried to subdue him but he fought back, breaking through his restraints. He clutched the neck of the skinny doctor with his metal hand untill he turned pale. The doctor was choking out words...that was odd, usually his nightmares were silent untill the end when he woke up screaming in cold sweats. He tried to hear what the doctor was saying..."B..Bucky...W..A..ake...Up"

Monnie hadn't slept well in... actually not since 1945 but then she had slept for 70 years so she figured she was set. Still it was late, almost 1am and everyone else was asleep. She was stressed about Bucky, she was absolutely thrilled to have him back! But it was so hard to see him like this, always afraid and guarded, it broke her heart. Not that she would ever let it get to her ofcourse. At least not when she was with him. Monnie needed to be everything that he was for her growing up. Strong, supportive, an anchor for him to cling to when things were rocky. And god damn it she would be every bit of that and more if he needed it. She was walking alone through the empty halls of the compound like a ghost. There was no way she would sleep and sewing when she was this tired was too dangerous. So, as she had spent most of her nights recently, she drifted down the halls in her pajamas untill she came to Bucky's room. With a deep sigh, Monnie pressed her forehead to his door and closed her eyes, remembering how simple things used to be. Opening her eyes when she heard a pained moan from inside followed by whimpering and creaking floorboards. She gasped oh no! He's having a nightmare I shouldn't have left him alone! She knew she was over reacting but was too tired to care. Monnie entered the room leaving the door open a crack so she could see. She quickly moved over to and bent down beside the shaking form on the floor. For the last month she had been so careful to ask before she touched him but she needed to wake him up. She grabbed at his shoulder when suddenly a hand shot out of the darkness griping her throat, the dim light glinting off the metal.

Bucky was slowly becoming aware of surroundings as he loosend his grip on...Oh god. "Monnie! Oh god I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" Monnie coughed a few times and steadied her breathing as Bucky's was getting worse. " Bucky it's alright. It was an accident, I'm sorry I shouldn't have touched you." She said slowly and calmly trying to put him at ease. "But I hurt You! Oh god I hurt you. Punish me if you want I deserve it I'm so sorry!" Well this was going poorly, she had come in with the intent of calming him down and she was making it worse." Bucky I would never punish you! Listen to me. You need to take deep breaths and look at me. I'm okay. It's not the first time you've hurt me and it was just an accident." His panic slowed before getting worse. He hurt her as the solider! Ofcourse she resented him for that! He was stupid to think anyone would be as kind or forgiving of a monster like him! Too late Monnie realized the implications of her statement and quickly corrected her self "Oh no no honey I didn't mean it like that I'm so sorry! I just ment... do you remember when we were in grade 6 when they made us walk to the church for Ash Wednesday mass? And on the way back you and I were walking behind the class, and well, it had rained the night before. And there were lots of puddles, and we jumped over them? We both tried to jump over this big one at the same time, and you tripped me mid air. I scraped my knee on the side walk and it was bleeding but we just laughed it off and kept walking." He had calmed down a great deal as he listened to the story. He remembered her saying at one point "I have a lot of long boring stories because I remember everything". He couldn't remember when she started talking, but as she spoke he could picture it and by the end he could remember. "I remember". With those words her body was weakened with relief. She was exhausted beyond reason, both physically and emotionally, she just really needed..."can I hug you now?"she waited for him to respond. He barely whispered "yes" when she pulled him into her arms before he could see the tears welling in her eyes. If he was being honest he really needed a hug too. The floor wasn't the most comfortable place but they were both used to it. It took Monnie months before she slept in an actuall bed again and she wasn't expecting any more from Bucky. So there they lay, in a pile of pillows and blankets on the floor, to afraid to let go from fear of losing eachother again. And they slept soundly for the rest of the night.

The End.

#bucky barnes #marvel incorrect quotes #marvel #bucky imagine #bucky x you #bucky/oc

9 notes · View notes

rpbetter · 3 years

Note

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.

#vespertine #answered #anonymous #long post #drama cw #rp harassment #callout culture

2 notes · View notes

retphienix · 3 years

Text

It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

#Retphienix #gaming #video games #gaming liveblog

5 notes · View notes