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celestialtarot11 · 5 months

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Solar Return Observations ☀️✨

Hi friends! Today we’re discussing solar return notes + what I’ve observed from them. I’ve been observing for three years, but I’m not able to fit all of the details in one post. I can always make another 🦋 enjoy and feel free to like, comment and reblog.

Chiron in the 7th house 💌- Healing through partnership and connections. I’ve had this placement last year and went through a breakup which taught me a lot about self worth (Aries ruled 7th house SR) and I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to be my own best friend and start over after a loss. Everything in terms of my relationship and how I viewed it changed completely. It was a pretty long journey, being that Chiron is the wounded healer, I’d say about a year the cycles were going on. Anyone who has this placement in their SR chart, you can expect for healing to occur in your relationships. Not necessarily a breakup always, but definitely wounding will come up that year.

Neptune in the 6th house 🌷- Routines can be heavily centered around spirituality. Meditation, yoga, occult practices become a theme in the daily life. Incorporating this can help the native grow and develop a consistent routine, and eventually connect with a higher source of love (deity, religion, universe, etc) because Neptune is the higher octave of Venus. With Neptune here there’s an emphasis on romanticizing daily routine and self care. Certain day to day events can feel whimsical, ethereal, and fated even! The native may question that year their beliefs and want to start something new, or reignite spiritual passions ✨

Moon in the 4th house 🌙🌟- Romanticizing the past, viewing things from a nostalgic lenses, daydreaming about a family. The native may deal with family illusions around this time, manipulation, or themes surrounding the family this year. The native might find it difficult to balance their life as family is an important theme for the year, whether it’s their own, or biological. The mother could be significant this year, and the mother may try to build a close bond with the native. The past is viewed from a bittersweet lenses, as there’s an element of moving on but honoring the past for what it was.

Capricorn 4th house 🦋✨- Structure, evolution, and discipline is needed regarding the home. Things may be slow, sluggish, or even depressing in the house. Saturn slows things down and when Capricorn is in the 4th, it can point to restrictions, boundaries, and limits. The native will learn to have boundaries with the family that year, and the value of alone time. The necessity of independence, and rebuilding structure in terms of roots. New job, new ways of managing finances, moving homes even. The native may feel uncomfortable that year within their home, they could feel detached even more than usual, and may long for an actual home of their own. Their own independence apart from family. Family could be stricter that year, and family events may be limited.

Saturn in the 6th house 🤍🌹- Structure, routine, discipline through health. The native may develop a stable gym routine and eating habits that year, and their health will improve with dedication and practice! They may choose a better diet, and learn about proper nutrition that year, and take care of their digestive system especially. Even energetically, the native will find themselves not wanting to consume shows or channels that are stressful. The native is meant to build a stable routine with their health.

11th house stellium 🌷🥂- Emphasis on networking, friends and meeting new people. Lots of people will want to meet the native, and will try to talk to the native. It’s easier to meet people this year, and to form new connections. Even strangers will randomly strike up a conversation with the native. Potential for meeting a marriage partner or best friend is strong! Potential for growing famous online is also strong, you may start an online business or be online a lot more this year.

11th house sun ☀️✨- Finding others is how you come back to yourself. What kind of community will you center yourself around? This year the native will try to figure out what kinds of friends they want, and where they belong. Through others the native comes to themselves, and people will teach a lot to the native. Not necessarily handing out wisdom, but there will be situations in which the native has to choose their own community and their beliefs compared to what everyone else wants.

11th house Venus 🦋🤍- Having friends and community becomes important, and the native realizes the importance of it all this year. Lots of people may want to date and get to know the native, as the 11th house is public. The native will be seen a lot more by others, around the place and people may actually make comments about that (I’ve had that happen with this placement many times!) The native will find that somehow the people around them come the right time when they need help too. Almost as if they’re blessed 💘 The native learns a lot about detachment from others expectations, and opinion. It’s about finding what works for them not for others this year. Potential for dating online is strong! And meeting someone through a dating app or social media.

Mars in the 12th house 💗🌹- The natives abilities and effort may struggle to be seen and recognized. There’s a sense that the natives effort is hidden, and the native feels unseen. It’s important this year the native keeps their plans and goals hidden as there could be others who want to criticize negatively. Especially with virgo 12th house! People may expect perfection from the native this year, or the native will struggle with perfectionist tendencies, and eventually will be the self undoing (12th house) Perfectionism is the natives enemy this year, and the native will have to find ways to understand themselves and work on their tendencies. There’s a chance to end up injured or hurt this year, so be cautious. The zodiac sign in that house will tell you where. For example if you have Virgo 12th house, your stomach in some way could struggle this year or be injured.

North Node in the 8th house ☕️💌- Leaving behind the material realm for the spiritual. Native is involved heavily with healing, releasing, and esoteric practices. The native eventually finds balance towards the end of the year with the material realm, but will likely find 6-8 months of deep inner work. Boundaries regarding spirituality get muddled as the native explores their psyche, uncovering new experiences! Healing and transformation through the past, to be in the present. Certain relationships can fall apart as it’s not aligned with the natives growth. Jobs may change as the native adjusts to their needs.

Libra Ascendant 🥂💗- Focus is on beauty and seeing the world through a connective lenses. Connection everywhere, with nature, people, communities, spirituality, etc. the native will fill more in touch with their fair and balanced side. This year the native will focus on balance, and not doing too less or too much. The act of balancing means things will be out of balance, so this year the native will go through upheaval as well. They will learn about discipline and structure throughout these changes, and work on mending things that were out of place. Going back and rebuilding. Or starting new if needed. The natives peace is important, and the native could find a partner this year! Depending on the other SR placements. The native is looking for ways to be connected to whats around them and within them.

Pluto in the 7th house 🌟🌷- Transformative relationships and unhealthy dynamics can come up this year in the native. Power dynamics and upheaval of roots in connections. The natives relationships with others is changing tremendously, and likely they could attract someone healing as well, and the two can heal. But with pluto here it can get intense and chaotic, if the two aren’t consistent working on themselves. People from outside could try to get into the natives relationship, adding gossip. It’s important to stay private this year with relationships.

Venus in the 12th house ✨☀️- Some I knew actually met a soulmate that year, the potential for a deep bonding connection came up. It was long distance given the 12th house ruling distant lands. If Venus is in a water sign for that year, the connection is a psychic one and very intuitive. Her house had cancer over it, and she developed a close bond with someone. They did things for the first time she’d never done before like traveling to another place! Everything was kept private, as Venus fell in the 12th house. Although this happened, they both mirrored wounds and did inner work to sustain the connection, and had a connection that was incredibly intimate. So Venus in the 12th can bring up a romantic interest, a connection that will be profound in terms of inner healing. It can also mean the native will choose to heal and do inner work, and not have the desire to date that year. It can mean codependency is the natives undoing that year in their relationships.

Sun in the 1st house ☀️🥂- Focus is on the self, growing and improving the body. The native could go to the gym and explore new routines, or be athletic that year. Participating in a sport they enjoy. Their appearance will go through a massive change too, someone I knew impulsively cut their hair after drinking lmao. It was super long, and then they went short! The father could be in the natives life a lot more, whether thats through spending time and bonding, or being intrusive and invasive. The native will realize a lot in terms of their strength, depending on which zodiac sign falls in the sun. For example, if its Leo, the native will realize a lot of their determination; strength, resilience and their self esteem will improve.

Venus in the descendant or 7th house 🤍☕️- Dating someone! Or meeting someone who is a potential partner. Venus was in my 7th house for my SR when I got into long term relationships. Conj. NN will be an impactful relationship, NN is also associated with destruction in a way because it rebuilds, and what doesn’t work must leave, so that relationship I had was incredibly chaotic 😅 But for those who have Venus in the 7th house, you will potentially meet a long term partner that year. Check the zodiac sign and that’ll tell you how! Someone with Gemini Venus 7th house met someone online.

Venus in the 1st 🌟🌹- Appearance changes! A glow up will definitely happen that year, and ideals of your relationship will change a lot. What you expect, want, desire will go through changes. You may prefer healing therapy of some kind for the body, like massages, or yoga. Something to restore the body physically. You could absolutely be in the gym too!

Saturn in the 1st 🌙🦋- Having to be more structural and disciplined within yourself. Setting new routines and maturing personal boundaries. You may struggle with dissatisfaction and apathy this year, because you’re moving towards what fulfills you. Check the zodiac sign to see what will be maturing most within yourself that year. For example if its in Pisces, you’ll be maturing the part of you that has wishes, dreams, but has been passive in taking an approach to make them happen.

Venus in the 5th house🌙🥂- More fun and romance this year! The chance to get to know someone and friendship. However your approach to dating will differ depending on what zodiac sign falls in the 5th house. For example, if it’s in Capricorn, you’ll take on a reserved and detached approach to relationships. You’ll show up practical.

Capricorn Venus 🦋🤍- Material matters are important and you’ll likely pick up extra hours this year. Your approach to relationships are practical, refined and you have a long term focus. You don’t want anyone or anything unnecessary, as you know it’ll hinder you this year. There’s a need to mature when it comes to relationships and understanding how they work, because Capricorn is ruled by Saturn. There will be lessons on emotional intimacy this year!

Leo Venus 🥂🌟- This year there will be a focus on attracting the one potentially, and going big. Not playing small in relationships and attracting abundance. Loyalty is important, and the native wants a commitment within their friendships or romantic interests. The native steps into their worth and their value. By valuing themselves, they learn to realize their value in other peoples life. Lessons regarding self worth and value will come up, and the native will find themselves having to speak up for what they deserve in relationships!

Thats all I have ya’ll! I hope y’all enjoyed and please support this blog 💗🤗 it’s very much appreciated! If ya’ll would like I’d love to do more of this!

#devi post #astrology #astrology community #tarotcommunity #divination #tarot deck #tarot #witchcraft #tarot reading #astrology observations #astro posts #astrology notes #astro notes

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dromaeocore · 11 months

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For those of you who like the idea of peer respites, I just want to say these are not the only alternatives to the mainstream psych system :] Here's a big ol' list, and many/most of them are peer-run. I live in America, so a lot of this is US-based, but I've tried to make it as internationally accessible as possible!

I'll start with the live-in options. So ya'll already know about peer respites, if you read my latest post about it. There's a few more similar things out there.

Soteria Houses - More long-term (months+) community homes for folks with lived experience of psychosis/similar extreme states, with peer support, that focus on a humane and person-centered approach. Much more freedom & agency than your traditional group home.

Hurdalsjøen Recovery Center - a "medication-free" (aka medication-optional) psychiatric hospital in Norway. Allows patients to choose whether to stay on or taper/remain off psychiatric drugs. Focused on healthy eating, exercise, and recreational therapy options.

Bethel House - Similar to Soteria Houses, a homelike environment in Japan for people with schizophrenia, etc. that focuses on social reintegration.

Organizations, clubs, groups, etc:

Students With Psychosis - A peer support community with programming for students with psychosis

International Map of Hearing Voices/Intervoice networks - Non=pathological support groups for people who hear voices, see visions, etc. US directory, UK directory.

Clubhouse International - Gives people with mental illness opportunities for friendship, employment, housing, educational, and medical services all in one place. Founded by a group of friends who survived a psychiatric hospital together.

Project LETS - A radical approach to peer support and healing that has a disability justice centered approach, giving people with lived experience a voice and focusing on mutual aid. They provide peer mental health advocates, self-harm prevention, and more.

The Mad Society of Canada: A grassroots community of practice that brings together folks who want to provide non-coercive, ethical, survivor-informed mental health services/policy.

Power to the Plurals: Resources and events for people who identify as plural/multiple/systems.

The Wildflower Alliance: Grassroots peer support, training, and advocacy community based in Massachusetts.

Alternatives To Suicide (Alt2Su): Peer support groups that allow people to talk about suicidal thoughts without fear of being committed to the hospital, etc

Trainings:

Intentional Peer Support = Trauma-informed peer support training

Emotional CPR - Trauma-informed mental health support training program for the layperson

Hearing Voices Curriculum: Targeted towards mental health professionals to better understand the experience of hearing voices. Warning: It's expensive!

Cities that have a particularly awesome way of dealing with folks in crisis/with mental illness/etc:

Geel - a farming community where residents welcome people suffering with severe mental illness/distress into their homes and live with them, share work, etc (Edit: apparently Geel is a small city with like 40,000 people and not a farming community lol, I was misinformed. Thanks to @roxbot for the correction!)

Trieste - a city with a community centered system of care that integrates housing and peer support

Warmlines (generally run by peers) and Crisis Lines that don't call the cops: (Most of these are taken from this post by trans-axolotl on Crisis Lines)

Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860, 24/7

BlackLine: 1 (800) 604-5841, has texting options

The Plural Warmline (No number, check the site)

THRIVE: text message line at 313-662-8209, 24/7

Promise Resource Network: (833) 390-7728, 24/7

Project Return Peer Support Network: (888) 448-9777 English or (888) 448-4055 Spanish, hours are Monday through Friday 2:30 PM to 10:00 PM PST and Saturday and Sunday 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM PST

Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line: 888-407-4515, hours are 7pm to 9pm EST Monday through Thursday and 7pm-10pm EST Friday through Sunday

Key Consumer Organization: 800-933-5397, hours are 8am - 4:30pm EST, Monday - Friday.

MBRLC Peer Support Line: 877-733-7563, hours are 4 pm-7:45 pm EST every day.

US Warmline Directory (unlikely to call cops, but check with the individual line first)

Misc:

CommonGround software - A software developed by Dr. Pat Deegan (an individual who was diagnosed with schizophrenia) that allows clients to communicate their needs to their doctors more efficiently to support shared-decision making with medication.

Open Dialogue- An psychosocial approach to psychiatric services that focuses shared decision-making and dialogue between client, providers, and family (if the client wants family involved), and often more minimal use of medication.

Integrative Psychiatry - A holistic form of psychiatry that focuses on nutrition, exercise, therapy, and psychosocial factors, where medication is just an aspect of treatment. US database of integrative psychiatrists here.

I will also give a somewhat honorable mention to Mobile Crisis Teams. They are a fairly new alternative to the usual "call the cops on your local mentally ill person". They are composed of nurses, therapists, social workers, occasionally peer support workers, etc. They hook the individual up with support/resources - which can often mean forced hospitalization/forced treatment FYI - but it is a step up from being killed by cops. Look up "[city] Mobile Crisis Team" to find out if there is one in your city.

A note: Something being on this list =/= it is perfect, just that it is an alternative to what we've got. So don't come at me, lmao. Feel free to add on if you know of anything else!

#long post #VERY long post lol #mental health #psychiatry #psych critical #psychiatry critical #psych wards #mental illness #neurodivergency #police brutality #antipsych #antipsychiatry #anti psychiatry #peer support #oh i'm gonna write a book on all this stuff btw uwu #WHAT ELSE CAN I TAG THIS WITH SO IT SHOWS UP FOR PPL???

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sweatermuppet · 4 months

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What is it like being trans in New Hampshire? I'm trans in Maine and generally consider NH the black sheep of New England when it comes to queer politics. Some of my trans friends consider it a no-stop zone on our roadtrips.

uh it's pretty fine for me. i get kinda sad when people say NH isnt trans friendly (a sentiment ive seen a lot lately). i had an openly transitioning teacher in high school. i had many gay teachers in high school. i was one of the first kids to transition openly at my school & there were a lot of struggles but it was also 6+ years ago & mostly teachers were under-educated & didn't know how to protect me. i got in a fight & suspended over a kid who was transphobic toward me, but i was allowed to use the boy's bathroom & locker room & all of my core teachers were pretty good about using my name & pronouns

i have multiple trans friends, just locally, & know other trans people a little further out in NH from following them on IG. some pretty decent art scenes in various towns & those are LGBT-dense. one of my trans friends started estrogen yesterday (prescription thru informed consent). i will say in my experience, NH healthcare is lacking for transsexuals—it's been easier for me to go thru Massachusetts or NH planned parenthoods, but ive been able to receive treatment fairly easily (cost being one of the only major negative factors)

as for people, a lot of folks kind of don't care? there are of course republicans & conservatives & a disheartening amount of libertarians, but in my day to day, it's mostly "live free or die" & if you're not hurting anyone, it's not too big of a deal. some of the republicans in my life (like friends' dads) have the attitude of "well i don't get it" but they still call me silas & are generally alright with me, aren't hostile towards me

i see trans flags pretty often. i saw a bumper sticker last month that was the shape of NH completely colored in with the trans flag. there are a bunch of coffee shops & bookstores & artsy places nearby i can think of that employ trans people, house trans art, etc

recently, anti-trans & anti-LGBT bills have been introduced & passed in NH. two passed last month, which can be read about here. i saw some pretty disgusting sentiments shared about those bills on twitter when they were introduced. those make it harder to exist here, but it's not impossible & it does not immediately make all residents hostile toward transsexuals. i don't want people to abandon NH because they think it's too far gone or too hopeless. trans people will always exist in every state & every country & every corner, no matter how hostile those places become

people here love me, regardless of how political parties view me. people here fight for me. there are trans people & Black people & disabled people here who are more vulnerable than me who i want to stay & fight for & protect. if you'd like to learn more about diversity in NH & how to protect various human rights, here are some orgs i am familiar with:

NH PANTHERS (anti-racism advocacy & education)

Queer-Lective (art, education, & connection)

Black Lives Matter NH

GLSEN NH (LGBT resources & education for schools/teachers/students)

Reproductive Freedom Fund of NH (abortion fund, sex ed, LGBT advocacy)

603 Equality (LGBT advocacy & education)

Lovering Health Center (reproductive care, LGBT education, gender affirming care for NH, MA, & ME)

Black Heritage Trail of NH (Black history)

ACLUNH (civil liberties + human rights)

#sorry this is so long. this ask made me soooo sad. i was just talking to my roommate abt the NH unsafe mindset the other day #anonymous

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one-divides-into-two · 4 months

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"If we treat the Stonewall Uprising as initiating the modern gay mass movement in 1969, the left-adventurist line was initially dominant, and fell by the wayside in the late 70s. Those who led the first wave of the LGBT movement of the 60s understood themselves (however incompletely) as participating in a revolutionary movement and process: In broad strokes, the early “left” line groups of gay liberation located the center of gay oppression in the family form itself and were explicitly in solidarity with the women’s movement as in many ways the same as their own (ideologically if not always practically). The British Gay Liberation Front’s Manifesto reads

The oppression of gay people starts in the most basic unit of society, the family...At some point nearly all gay people have found it difficult to cope with having the restricting images of man or woman pushed on them by their parents...we are expected to prove ourselves socially to our parents as members of the right sex (to bring home a boy/girl friend) and to start being a 'real' (oppressive) young man or a 'real' (oppressed) young woman

The Boston Gay Men’s Liberation group argued in their manifesto for the collectivization of childcare and housework, saying

Rearing children should be the common responsibility of the whole community. Any legal rights parents have over ‘their’ children should be dissolved and each child should be free to choose its own destiny. Free twenty-four hour child care centers should be established where faggots and lesbians can share the responsibility of child rearing

Others explicitly aligned themselves with the national liberation and anti-imperialist struggles of the time –Third World Gay Revolution went so far as to explicitly call for armed struggle towards establishing socialism. The gay struggle, to these organizations, was necessarily part of the struggle for the end of capitalism and the liberation of all oppressed and exploited peoples.

Nevertheless, these groups primarily took the left-adventurist line, and the failure of these organizations to place politics in command and take up Marxism fully (despite its influence within the movement), and the failure of the leading Marxist organizations of the time to cast aside their chauvinism, place politics in command, and embrace the LGBT movement (most notably RU/RCP, which maintained that homosexuality was “perpetuated and fostered by the decay of capitalism” and to be eliminated under socialism until 2001 and engaged in conversion therapy-style practices on their gay cadre), allowed the bourgeoisie to co-opt the movement and suppress its revolutionary strains. By the end of the 1970s the main left-adventurist groups that emerged from the movement's popular initiation via the Stonewall Uprising (GLF, STAR, TWGR, etc) had collapsed, and were replaced by the newly dominant right-opportunist trend, represented in groups like Lambda Legal (founded 1971), GLAD (1978), and the Human Rights Campaign (1980). Occasional left-adventurist ruptures emerged over the succeeding years, with ACT UP's break (rooted in part in gay and lesbian anti-imperialist solidarity work in the preceding years) from Gay Men's Health Crisis representing the most significant of these, but over the next three decades the bourgeois "marriage equality" became the central demand of the movement, with the implication that once these various reforms proposed by the right-opportunist trend were enacted, the gay movement would cease to be necessary.

In the first two decades of the 21st century these reforms were realized, and the idealist fantasies of the leading bourgeois gay organizations were not. These reforms were granted because they reaffirmed the bourgeois family form, successfully assimilating the leading upper strata of LGBT people as a method of defusing the movement as a whole. While in some ways the broad social acceptability of homosexuality, transness and gender nonconformity have increased, the reaction to these reforms has produced a vicious effort to oppress the lower strata, typically trans people.

Indeed, all empirical evidence points to the continuing existence of anti-gay and anti-trans oppression. In our younger years, parents, teachers, and other authority figures will attempt to suppress any expression of homosexuality, transness, or gender non-conformity. The passive and active social enforcement of your sex/gender role is a universal experience, but is felt particularly acutely by those most directly in contradiction with those roles. When this fails, authority figures sometimes resort to violence and sexual abuse – gay and trans children suffer higher rates of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse across the board as compared to their cis and straight peers. LGBT people as a whole make 10% less than the average worker. This is felt more acutely among trans people, particularly trans women (in line with their cis counterparts), who make just 60% of the average. What bourgeois sociological evidence does exist points to significant discrimination in housing, jobs, medical care, etc. Accessing medical care is a struggle of its own for trans people – getting the treatment needed for basic day-to-day existence is often humiliating and expensive.

For younger LGBT people, particularly trans people, this political sequence has produced significant "whiplash." We grew up in a period of a real increase in broad social "acceptance," and being told that these reforms would guarantee an end to our oppression. But the utter abdication of leadership by the rightists following the reforms (after all, "we won") and the reactionary backlash has left the movement with a vacuum of political and organizational leadership at a crucial conjuncture. In the absence of this leadership, small groups have begun to emerge, largely taking up the left-adventurist anarchist line, sometimes explicitly. In some ways, this is a positive situation for communists. The broad masses of LGBT people are crying out for leadership in their struggle against the reactionary offensive, and the failure of the bourgeois rightist line to provide its promised victory has revealed to many gay and trans people, particularly those of the lower strata, the bankruptcy of reformism.

The current assault on our self-determination by the reactionary wing of first-world politics presents us with an opportunity to smash that trend, to effect a final rupture. Gay and trans people, particularly trans people, are increasingly forced into direct confrontation with the bourgeois state (through its repressive laws) and its extra-legal shock troops (with trans events becoming one of the primary targets for street fascist attacks). Not since the AIDS crisis have we seen such direct confrontation – and with it, openness to revolutionary communist political projects.

The task before communists in the gay movement is therefore to rectify the line of the movement through theoretical and practical struggle, to offer leadership to the gay and trans masses, and transform this movement into a detachment of the world proletarian struggle for communism."

Half the Sky: Preliminary Materials for a Proletarian Feminist Politics

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avalil18 · 3 months

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I love you, I promise

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Summary: you decide to check in on your child bestie after surgery but little did you know what you would overhear.

Warnings: fluff

Pairing: Joe burrow x reader

It was mid February and there was still a crisp feel in the air on a cloudy day in Cincinnati. You had just woken up in your big comfortable bed that you spend to much time in binge watching your favorite show Gilmore girls. It was around 9am when you got a text from someone. You rolled over and reached for your phone on your nightstand. You open your phone and see a message from your childhood best friend Joe.

Joe- hey! What are you doing today?

You smiled and knew he has been bored out of his mind these past couple months because he has been in bed recovering from his ACL injury back in November.

You- hi! Well I just woke up and now I’m texting you! How are you feeling?

Joe- I feel alright my body kinda aches but I’m so bored just laying here. My parents keep coming into my room to check on me every second of the day and I was wondering if you could come over because I honestly need them to lay off and I miss my best friend!😊

You laughed knowing very well that Joe kept getting a little annoyed by his parents coming in knowing he would be fine every time.

You- lol! They are just trying to take care of their son who still needs help getting up and moving. And I would be happy to come over! Be there in an hour!

Just as you were about to put your phone away to get ready Joe texted back.

Joe- yay! See ya in a few

You smiled and got up to get ready! You brush your teeth and do your skincare then You put on your Lululemon leggings and black bengals crewneck that Joe gave you as a free gift from the bengals. You curled your hair because you had a bad bed head from your luscious waves that are starting to turn out straight because how long your hair is. You then slip on your Air Force sneakers that are a little dirty and grab your big grey goyard bag that you decided to treat your self with by buying it because of your promotion. You work at Kettering Health Center as a nurse and love it! You sometimes get to head over to Paycore stadium to help the bengals before summer training starts just to make sure they are putting good stuff into their body and keeping healthy. The Bengals paired up with Kettering health a while ago and it has been a fun experience and you are always happy to see Joe at work whenever you stop by. You sometimes like to treat yourself because working in a hospital can’t always be easy and it’s nice to reward yourself sometimes.

You lock your apartment door and head to your garage. Once you open your car door you place your bag on the passenger seat and turn the car on. You only live about 15 minutes from Joe so it’s not a long drive. Once on the road you turn on your favorite playlist filled with Taylor swift, Olivia Rodrigo, and Noah Kahan! You start drumming your fingers to the beat of the songs on your steering wheel and before you know it you are at joes! He lives in a beautiful private neighborhood filled with big houses and a little country club. Joes house is pretty big maybe too big for one person but if Joe likes it you like it.

You step inside the big house and take off your shoes and start heading down the big hallway and stairs. Once you walk into the kitchen you are greeted by robin and jimmy who are joes amazing parents who you always adore and they have always adored you and they have always thought of you as a daughter. Robin sees you and says “Y/N”!

“Hi!I’m so happy to see you” you say after Hugging robin then going over to jimmy to say hi. “So how have you been?”jimmy and robin both ask. “I have been good, just very busy with work. I have tried to stop by but you know been busy!” You say kinda sad you haven’t stopped by a lot to take care of Joe and talk. “It’s ok y/n! Joe understands and we do to but we are so proud of you with your career truly!” Robin says making your heart filled with Joy and makes you smile. “Thank you robin!” You say and robin puts her hand on your arm and rubs your arm lovingly. “Joe is up stairs if you want to go up!” Jimmy says and you say yes and start walking up the big beautiful stairs. Once you reach Joe’s door you give a light knock to make sure Joe knows someone is there. He then says “Come in!” You walk through the door with a big smile on your face and you drop your bag and run up to his bed to where he was laying but you make sure to be careful and not hurt him anymore then he is. You squeal as you hug him and dig your head into the crook of his neck and wrap your arms around his torso. “There she is!” Joe says with a big smile on his face. You laugh and look up at him. He has a little stubble growing on his face because he has been a little too weak from surgery to get up and shave. You look into his beautiful ocean blue eyes and you swear you died right there and then. “How have you been?” Joe says excited to hear everything you have to tell him. “I’ve been good!You know busy but good!” You say. “Good! I’m so happy you are here!” Joe says and slight blush forms on his face with the smile you radiate after talking which you didn’t notice.

After talking for about quite literally the whole day and watching SpongeBob and watching football then eating dinner in bed with Joe because he didn’t feel good enough today to get up. It’s already 8:30pm and you are starting to get tried. Joe quickly notices your tired eyes and says “come here” he pats chest signaling for you to lay your head on his chest. You roll over onto your left side and you put your head onto his chest and your right arm over his stomach. “Go to sleep” Joe says in a quiet tone. You smile and say goodnight as Joe grabs the clicker to turn off the tv. He then pulls over the throw blanket and puts it on top of both of you. You snuggle into it and joe smiles knowing you are comfortable. He then says “goodnight y/n.” And turns off his bedside light and then it goes dark.

After a while you hear the door creak open into the room. You see a figure standing there but you are too tired to say hello so you just lay there trying to make up who it is. You then hear a voice. “Joe are you asleep?” Robin says. You now feel safe knowing it’s not some rando breaking in. Joe then says in a tired voice “no”. “Well I just want to say I love you and have a good night” robin says.“Thanks mom, goodnight.”Joe says. “And Joe take good care of her like I know you will. I know you love her and to afraid to ruin your friendship but I see the way she looks at you and you should tell her, don’t be scared.” Robin says. You can’t believe what she just said. Joe loves you and more than just in a friend way! You keep your eyes closed and still pretend to be asleep. “I will I promise. I love her more than life.” Joe then says. OMG! You couldn’t believe what just came out of joes mouth. You then hear the door close and you knew robin was gone. Then you feel Joe start to play with your hair and he then says “I love you so much you have no idea y/n.”

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Authors note: AHHHH!! My first story and ig first post! I hope for whoever sees this likes it. And if so I will keep writing! I am still figuring all of this stuff out so just keep that in mind!🤭🫶

#joe burrow

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wen-kexing-apologist · 9 months

Text

Fight Night

ALRIGHT! Life is wilder and crazier than normal and I have finally had a singular moment to breathe so it is time to do my first scene breakdown of Only Friends. Jojo and co have been feeding me so well, a literal feast of good sex choreo, hand placements, and puppy dog eyes that it has been impossible for me to figure out where I want to start. But the end of episode five was just so expertly executed I couldn’t not talk about it, the build up, the explosion, the cool down?! Zero people in this production came to play, they showed up on set day one, gave some of their best performances, and just went about their goddamn day. [insert thirty more minutes of showered praise here].

So let’s get in to it:

The Calm Before the Storm

We’re going to start with Sand and Ray before shit goes downhill, at a moment of genuine connection. This is not the first time we have seen them connect. The first of their peaceful, friendlier interactions are paid for by Ray but Sand quickly moves towards free hang outs with Ray after he gets to know Ray a bit better. I think we can all agree that 95% of the time that Sand and Ray are spending with each other, Ray is asking to be serviced (either seeking out sex, or being fed, clothed, or protected by Sand) [and I do think it is pretty telling that Ray’s idea of friendship is being taken care of in every way, and that Sand fully calls that out as being the role of a father]. But the 5% they do have of these moments of getting to know each other, primarily center around their own family dynamics, but in Episode 5, Ray does start dipping his toes in to getting to know more about Sand’s own hopes and dreams.

Where before Ray wasn’t really interested in Sand’s backstory as much as Sand was interested in Ray’s, now on the balcony of Sand’s dingy apartment, Ray finally starts to ask Sand about himself. And Ray is locked in, just absolutely attentive to Sand as he is talking, rarely looking away, asking follow up questions, and making statements based off of what Sand is saying. Things seem to be flowing smoothly, Ray seems slightly sad that Sand doesn’t know his father, he has an actual smile on his face with he tells Sand that he thinks his mother is really cool, and that he respects her. And of course he would respect the relationship that Sand and his mother have, the obvious love they have for one another, because he never got that from his own family.

Sand has asked about Ray’s family before now (they talked about Ray’s mother in Ep. 2) but when they were first starting to get to know eachother, Ray brushed off any further conversation around his mother’s death. But that willingness to be honest with Sand is beginning to shift. Ray sits there listening to a birth story that runs parallel to his own, a mother with an unexpected pregnancy after a hookup, a father that wasn’t really intending on having a child, and Ray is faced with what his life could have possibly looked like if his mother was a different person.

And they’ve been hanging out all day, Ray has seen much more of Sand’s personal life, his family life, it’s Sand’s birthday, they are cross faded, and Sand asks Ray once again what happened to his mother, and Ray takes the opportunity to be honest. He watches Sand refill his glass, and he says “she drank herself to death”.

Now, personally, this is a very important moment to me in terms of both understanding Ray better as a character, and getting Sand and Ray to connect to each other more. A really important thing to remember about substance use disorders is that they are aware of the health consequences of long term substance use. Ray knows his mother drank herself to death, Ray knows that alcohol in the quantities that he is consuming are dangerous, and he cannot stop drinking. Ray does not have any good coping mechanisms for when his life gets hard, (and we will see a much stronger example of that near the end of this scene), but in the build up to the blow out, we are taking some time to re-establish that Ray has a drinking problem. And we are gaining a bit of further insight in to the genetic history of Ray’s own mental health problems.

I’d have to go back and rewatch all the episodes to be completely certain, but I think so far the only person we haven’t see call Ray a burden is Mew, Mew who knows that Ray tried to kill himself two years ago, Mew who remembers that Ray said if he was gone he wouldn’t be a burden anymore on his goodbye phone call. I mention his mostly because, if that is true, then that is an indication to me that Ray’s other friends don’t really know that much about him. They don’t know how deeply the idea that he is a burden to everyone around him is rooted in to his psyche. They probably don’t know anything about Ray’s relationship to his mother, after all, she died when he was still in high school.

We know from the end of Episode 4, that Ray has shifted his interests from Mew to Sand. That is not to say that he is not still in love with Mew, or that he wouldn’t drop Sand as soon as possible if presented the opportunity to date Mew, at least from my perception. But what it does indicate to me, is that Ray is beginning to at least consider Sand someone that care about him, that will listen to him, that will be an emergency contact, and as such Ray is more willing to be upfront and honest about who he is as a person. How his mind works, what his place in his own family is, what his own connection to family is.

Ray senses he is bringing the mood down, and makes a comment to change the subject, shutting down any potential deeper conversation or exposure to pity that he could have with Sand. We know Sand has been down bad for Ray since like…Dick Down 1, but he is really just embarrassingly obvious with his interest in Ray. The way his face goes slack jawed when he looks at Ray’s face for a second too long? Your cool guy persona is in the fucking gutter. ANYWAY, the point of this is that Sand and Ray are vibing, having a good time, connecting, Ray is opening up more, and Sand is falling deeper in to this infatuation at the first sign of Sad Boi Hours when we cut to Nick and Boston.

Boston, who has had a genuinely peaceful day thus far. He got some work done for school, he and Nick clarified their relationship to one another, he made out in the pool, and he’s looking to reward Nick for changing by asking if he can stay over. We know that Boston has been blackmailed by someone, we know that as a result of that Boston has decided to “settle down” a bit as it were, spend more time with people who he can talk with afterwards. (If you ask me, this isn’t really what Boston wants, it’s just how he is trying to justify laying low with Nick, someone he thinks he has control over and someone I don’t think Boston suspects is capable of blackmail).

It is Boston who suggests staying over (I am not going to dig too much further in to his choice to ask Nick, but I will just look respectfully towards the thought that he doesn’t want to be found).

Anyway, Boston asks if he can stay over, and Nick smiles like he’s won something, and leads Boston inside, where they both promptly interrupt Sand and Ray. Boston’s face lights up when he sees Ray there, but not in any way that indicates that Boston is actually excited to see his friend. More so, that he has gotten +1 Information in his notes on Ray’s comings and goings.

Boston sees Sand and Ray, and he is scheming already. The very first fact we learn about Boston in Only Friends is that he is The Hunter, and while we have primarily seen this in the way that he hunts-for-that-d, Boston is a hunter through and through, he doesn’t just aim and fire, he plays with his prey. He toys with Top and Nick’s emotions to try to manipulate them in to what he wants, and he sees Ray and Sand together here, and the douchebag gears begin to turn.

But, Boston needs to know what these two are to each other first, so he can figure out his best approach to fucking with the two of them, so he asks:

“What’s with you and Sand?”

“What? We’re just friends,” Ray says with a smile and a small laugh, like he is trying to brush off any attempt for Boston to think of Sand and him as anything more. Sand is of course, devastated (and it is at this point I would like to make a tangential remark about the brilliance of the cinematography in this entire scene because it frequently moves between blurry and clear, like the camera is having as difficult of a time focusing on any of the characters as the characters themselves are, since they are under the influence).

Nick, having already interrupted the SandRay foreplay once today, tries to pull Boston along quickly, to give everyone in the apartment some motherfucking privacy, but no no, when it comes to every other person in the world besides himself, Boston does not do privacy. So he cockblocks himself and SandRay and suggests they all party instead.

The Build Up

There is this moment of awkward tension, that Nick tries to break by saying that Boston is bothering Sand and Ray, but Sand, having just been reminded that Ray does not think of him as anything more than friends, agrees to all hang out together, thus shifting the mood between himself and Ray from sexual to casual.

And Boston?

Oh Boston has already won.

Now, before I get further in to breaking down this episode, I just need to take a minute and just give a huge MASSIVE shout out to Neo motherfucking Trai. He has absolutely been destroying this role, he is clearly having such a good fucking time. But I don’t care about that part (I do but it’s not the relevant aspect here), I care about how much of Boston’s character, Boston’s internal monologue Neo reveals through Boston’s eyes.

Boston has been watching how Ray and Sand interact with one another, he saw them make out, he saw Ray grab a cookie from Sand’s mouth with his own, and now, he is sitting here, with Nick pressed up against his chest watching Ray flirt with and cling to Sand. That boy has mischief in his eyes, that boy is a hunter and he smells fresh meat. Boston is The Drama, and while he’s in the middle of his own blackmail saga, he’s found new toys to pass the time until the dust settles.

This is the face of a man who will cause problems on purpose. This is the face of a man who does not give two shits about upsetting the people in front of him. Boston is a miserable, manipulative piece of shit, and he will drag everyone down to his level.

I am showering praise in Neo’s general direction, anyway, Boston is studying Ray and Sand’s interactions, the way they talk with one another, all the little things that point towards there being some genuine feelings.

“The cookie’s getting to me”

“I told you to hold back”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m not driving”

“Can I stay over?”

“More often than this I’m going to start making you pay rent”

“Go ahead”

They aren’t talking like this is a one time thing, they aren’t talking like they are just fuck buddies. The way that Ray and Sand are slightly bickering/scolding each other, the way that Ray just so absentmindedly reaches to put his arm around Sand, it reads a very particular way. Especially when you add on the fact that Nick interrupted them in the kitchen that morning.

Now, something happens here that could have been good. If Boston was a good person, if Boston actually cared about his friends, if Boston wasn’t such a fucking Masshole. Because Sand has been very obviously dopey and doe eyed for Ray for ages and the lines between lust and love have been blurring heavily for him. But when they started fucking, Ray and Sand both discussed and established the nature of their relationship. Only friends. No love, only sex. Friendship can come from sex. Sand wouldn’t take someone like Ray as his boyfriend (liar). But things have changed since their first hook up, at least for Sand. Sand is catching feelings and Sand has not talked with Ray about how his feelings are shifting.

And Nick actually opens up the potential for Sand and Ray to have that conversation when he asks “Are you and Ray going out?”

See, Nick is definitely nasty4nasty when it comes to his desire to be with Boston, and Nick is by no means whatsoever a pure person, the man bugged Boston’s car and kept the recording for fuck’s sake, but he is also not an asshole the way that Boston is an asshole. Nick isn’t asking Sand if he and Ray are going out because he wants to fuck with them, he’s asking because he is genuinely curious, because this ain’t the first time that he’s walked in on them.

But don’t pay attention to Mark Pakin’s body language here, because Nick is obviously drunk, relaxed, content, and curious. Look at Neo. Look at Boston. Look at the way Boston is looking at Nick when Nick asks if they are going out:

And look at the way Boston turns his gaze upon Sand and Ray the second Nick finishes asking the question. Boston is picking apart every action, every expression, every movement between Sand and Ray. Boston is calculating. This is not a dude that is just turning to look at the next speaker in a conversation. He’s staring deep into their souls to figure out how they actually feel about each other so he can decide if one or both of them cares enough about each other to be hurt by him.

So naturally, the next shot we get is Ray drunkenly cozying up to Sand, resting his head on Sand’s shoulder, in a way that feels very couple-y, in a way that feels different to the casual arm Boston throws over Nick like he’s got his prize on a leash.

“You two talk all lovey-dovey like you are a thing, you know?”

Consider the fact that the second that Nick starts saying “you two talk all lovey-dovey, you know?” Ray peels himself off Sand’s shoulder and stares at Nick. And he’s smiling casually, like he finds the question funny, though he doesn’t fully break physical contact with Sand, still resting his arm across Sand’s shoulders.

Sand is taken aback for a second, like he’s been caught, but he knows that he is not supposed to be falling for Ray. He knows he isn’t supposed to be wanting a relationship with Ray. He knows that this is not the time or space for a “what are we?” conversation, so he puts on a smile and squeezes Ray’s cheeks and says:

“Look at his face. Look how squishy he looks. He looks just like a dog my mother has.” (Which we can interpret as Sand saying look at him, we cuddle cause he’s cute, I think of him like a pet). Associating Ray with his mother’s dog for me, feels like a way for Sand to try to get Boston off his back, to put his feelings in alignment with how Boston typically views his hook ups, as pets, as toys, as prey. But Sand’s face betrays him more than Boston’s ever could the very second that Ray says “I’m not a dog and I’m not his boyfriend”

Sand has a moment of quiet devastation hearing that, even though he SHOULD KNOW BETTER. He should not be so upset about an objectively true statement. Sand may think of Ray as special, and may want to date Ray, and may want Ray to be his boyfriend, but they have never revisited their initial conversation about the nature of their relationship. As far as Ray knows, Sand would never take someone like him to be his boyfriend. Sand is just getting caught up in his feelings and this brief reprieve from the hard and labrous and exhausting life he leads is clouding his judgment.

And Boston goes in for the kill

“Ray, I bet Sand likes you. I can tell.”

And here is the question of the hour, a question I personally do not believe we have the full answer to, why the fuck is Boston targeting Sand? (beyond the fact he finds it fun). Boston and Sand clearly know each other, Boston knows Sand well enough to know that the weed he is smoking is not his typical supply. Boston came in to Sand’s home, smoked Sand’s weed, and then went straight for Sand’s throat.

And Sand is a little mad and more than a little anxious. The way First plays the emotions in this moment is brilliant, you can see all these little moments of Sand feeling put on the spot, the way his mouth moves like he is trying (and failing) to maintain his composure. Like he is looking for an escape route, but can’t find one. Especially because Boston will not let him escape, explicitly calling Sand in to the conversation:

The Blow Up

“So what is it, Sand? Do you like him? My buddy here has both the looks and the dough. His type is hard to come by, you know?”

Sand tries to dodge, by putting on his logical person hat for the first time in what is most likely weeks. “Now that you said that” he starts with Ray literally moving his hand to brush it gently against Sand’s shoulders. “My answer has to be yes now, doesn’t it? But if you really want to know the answer, ask me again when I am sober”

Sand is willing to let Boston win this, to concede here, to admit to liking Ray as if forced to agree expressly because Boston is poking at him about it. But he will not engage in an important conversation like the one Boston is setting up for him and Ray about what they are to each other when they are under the influence and when they are in public.

Nick is like “alright”, but that is not enough for Boston. (SERIOUSLY LOOK AT NEO, LOOK AT HOW MUCH FUCKING DISATISFACTION IS BEHIND THOSE GODDAMN EYES! Jojo and Ninew fucking thank you for giving me Neo in this role, he’s been craving complex roles since his time on The Eclipse and I’m glad he’s getting to have some).

Boston is watching, waiting, wanting to see how Ray reacts to Boston speaking for Sand. Unfortunately for everyone, but Boston especially, Ray does not have the reaction I think Boston is expecting. Instead of Ray getting uncomfortable, instead of Ray pushing himself away from Sand, instead of Ray doubling down on him and Sand not being boyfriends, instead of Ray reacting negatively to the idea that this “not his type” poor boy might actually like him he leans in close, he smiles wide, he teases Sand a little in a way that does not feel cruel.

So Boston has to escalate. Boston has been stalking his prey in the grass for as long as he has been in this apartment, and now it is time to strike.

“Even if you really do like Ray, I doubt it will work out between the two of you. Ray’s whole ass is owned by Mew”

BOOM. Instant kill. Boston just made this entire encounter go from 0 to 100. Especially because (as far as we know), he has no goddamn idea about the dent in Ray’s relationship to Mew, and his realization about how Ray and Mew’s feelings are never going to align.

Ray did not spend all that time sitting in the bathtub staring at a keychain and a Poor Boy shirt for nothing. Personally, I am uncertain where Ray stands with Sand, I think Ray is probably chasing the endorphins of a good and easy lay. I think he is drawn to Sand’s inherent need to act as a caretaker. But as I’ve said before, Ray uses Sand far more as a service provider than he does a person he wants to make genuine connections with, only recently has he started to open up more and seem more interested in Sand as a person.

But Boston is poking at an extremely sore spot. A spot I don’t think Boston considers as a nuclear option, because I don’t know that Boston is aware that Ray tried to kill himself. I don’t think Boston knows that Mew came and saved his life. I don’t think Boston is truly aware of just how deeply important to Ray Mew is because he seems to be one of the first people to make Ray feel less alone.

Immediate anger. Boston has struck a nerve, gotten a bullseye. If he actually cared at all for his “friends” and their feelings he could have stopped there. Boston is a voyeur, a photographer, all he does all the time is watch, record, manipulate bodies. He can read people well, but he is cocky and overconfident about his own understanding of the situations that have occurred between people in his social circle. If Boston cared, he would see that Ray just turned on a dime, that the loose, casual, fuzzy, flirty person that was just wrapped around Sand has turned in to a tense, focused ball of rage. ““What the hell are you saying, Ton?”

“What? Sand doesn’t know you’ve been in love with your best friend for years? But Mew is with Top now. Someone beat you to it, man.”

So…my Dad has this habit of saying shitty things, and over the years we have made safewords with him to tell him when he is approaching saying something out of pocket and he should change the subject (“pothole”), and for when he has said something out of pocket and should probably stop talking immediately (“sinkhole”). My father consistently blows right through “sinkhole” and continues to dig his hole deeper. Boston reminds me of my father.

Pothole: “Ray’s whole ass is owned by Mew”

Pothole: “Mew is with Top now. Someone beat you to it, man”

I honestly don’t feel like I need to use too much space here on Sand’s reaction, because I read a really good post by @bird-inacage about how this revelation hits Sand hard because he may feel stripped of his dignity and see himself as a fool.

“What a shame for my pal”

Shout out to Jojo and co for this shot of Nick. Nick who looks horrified. Nick, who I don’t think has seen this behavior of Boston’s up close. I mean, he knows that Boston has something on Ray and Mew, he didn’t really seem to care at that point. But Nick doesn’t really know Mew, Nick only cares about Top insofar as he is competition for Boston’s attention, he’s not really friends with Ray. But he is friends with Sand. And the implications from the beginning of the episode that Ray has stayed over and hung out with Sand all day multiple times, feels like Nick is at least starting to develop some modicum of care/friendship with Ray. And Nick is sitting there, watching Boston be cruel. Cruel to people that Nick actually cares about. Cruel to people that Nick doesn’t think deserve it, and the wheels are turning, so there isn’t much more he can do about it.

“Oh wait. My bad. I remember you and Mew making out. Did you take his virginity?” (Sinkhole. Boston should probably shut his goddamn little whore mouth at this point)

“Ton, what the shit are you going on about?” Ray asks, shooting up from the ground and in to a standing position [and lord almighty is Khaotung just a powerhouse actor between the way he is able to physically embody Ray’s anger, and just look and act drunk all the time). This has turned in to a fight, Boston has riled Ray up, Boston has already punished both Ray and Sand at this point. But he has to make everyone around him as miserable as humanly possible in as little time as he can, so:

“Oh? I saw everything. I took some photos, actually.” (SINKHOLE. No seriously dude you need to shut the fuck up right now).

“What the hell did you do that for, bastard?” Ray is shifting his weight, Khaotung’s breathing has changed. You can fucking tell Ray’s heart is racing, that a blind rage is seeping in to his bones. Ray is livid.

“What? I just want to keep track of my best friends’ romantic moments. Was I wrong?”

(Spoiler alert to those reading this post for the body language breakdown: Boston does not actually give a single flying fuck if he is wrong)

“Keep track?”

And finally someone punches Boston straight in the mouth! And even still! EVEN STILL Boston cannot shut the fuck up. Boston is righteous in the worst possible way. Boston is hurting everyone around him for the sake of “honesty”, “clarity”, “visibility” in a way that Boston himself in his own life actively avoids. With Nick he keeps their relationship status unclear, with Nick he refuses to get photographed, with Nick he hides the fact that he hooked up with Top. But Boston will air everyone else’s dirty laundry, Boston will record and photograph everyone else’s private moments, Boston will give facts as best as he knows them when literally anyone else is involved:

“Sand has every right to know. Ray is in love with Mew. They even screwed! But good thing you came along, Sand. He needs to get over Mew”

“What does it have to do with you?” Ray is still fucking pissed, and this is a really important and relevant question to ask. Boston has no place in Ray and Mew’s private business. Boston has no right to record them without their permission. Boston has no right to have this conversation about Ray’s feelings with Sand. And Boston does not answer this question. He will not answer this question, because for Boston everyone else’s business is his, and his business is no one’s.

Now, do I think Boston is lying about Ray and Mew having sex? No. I think there are actually a number of layers to that statement. I think we are either a) setting up to have a killer conversation about people’s perceptions of sex/people’s perceptions of what counts as sex or b) that Boston fully thinks he saw Ray and Mew do something sexual when they actually didn’t [think Ray throwing up while doubling over Mew so it looks like he’s giving head]. And it is worth noting that Ray doesn’t deny the statement, although this doesn’t necessarily mean anything because there are lots of words and fists and vitriol being thrown around at this point, confirming or denying any sexual relationship with Mew is not really going to do anything to calm this situation.

“If you’re not in love with him anymore, then why did you get so mad?” Boston asks, and I love that this is phrased as a gotcha! moment. Boston thinks asking why someone got mad enough to punch him in the face after he said he was keeping track of his friends' romantic lives by holding on to pictures he had taken of them in secret is definitive proof that he is correct. Ray got real mad about Boston’s doucheness, and that must mean that Ray is love with Mew.

And he isn’t totally wrong. We know that Ray is in love with Mew, we know part of why Ray is in love with Mew. We know that Sand is now filling a similar role in Ray’s life as the only person who is willing to take care of him. But this question for me highlights a huge aspect of Boston’s character that I do not think we appreciate enough.

Boston does not know everything, and he acts like he does.

Ray is getting so mad at Boston because what Boston is saying is true AND Ray is getting so mad at Boston because Ray almost compromised his relationship with Mew by kissing him when he was sleeping. Ray is in a weird place right now in relation to how he sees Mew and how Mew sees him. At the moment, Mew is patient, kind, and forgiving, and willing to maintain their friendship and accept Ray’s apology as long as Ray can get it through his head that Mew is never going to see him as a potential romantic partner. If Ray cannot do that, Ray loses a very important person in his life. (And we see Mew punch Ray in the promo for next week, my hunch is that Nick tells Ray about Boston and Top and Ray tries to warn Mew about Top and Mew takes that as Ray lying to break them up, but that’s beside the point).

Boston may be correct that Ray is in love with Mew, but Boston has no idea what the fuck he is talking about when it comes to Ray’s current relationship to Mew. Boston does not know that Mew and Ray are in a rocky relationship right now because of Ray’s feelings. Boston thinks that he is right that Ray is in love with Mew because Ray gets so mad so quick, because he does not understand that a huge part of what is riling Ray up is that Boston is poking at a deep injury he thinks is just a flesh wound.

And still after Boston has gotten a fist to his face, and swung back; even after he has shoved Nick out of the way so hard Nick fell on to the couch; even after they had blown off some steam and were de-escalating to the point of screaming at each other rather than beating eachother up. Boston

Still

Can

NOT

Quit

“Oh, are you going to be two-timing?”

Boston is literally just…going in to a house that is not his and lobbing grenades all over the place cause he’s fucking bored. Cause he sets Ray off again, leaving Sand, screaming at Boston and Ray to stop fighting (IN HIS OWN FUCKING HOUSE, AFTER SHARING HIS OWN FUCKING WEED).

Boston listens to Sand, Boston walks away, Boston goes to Nick’s room. But the look in his eye?

He is not done with this. Boston is not surprised that Ray got mad, Boston was reveling in Ray’s reaction, but I think Ray’s rage went beyond what Boston had anticipated, and this feels to me like an act of war.

The Cool Down

Boston and Nick remove themselves from the scene and Ray and all his infinitely perfected coping skills rushes to chug as much alcohol as he can.

Again, thank you to Jojo and co for spending this amount of time highlighting Ray’s addiction, reminding us that Ray is not just a party boy, but is an alcoholic. Ray’s using alcohol to calm his nerves, possibly to forget what happened, and definitely because he has no idea what else to do but run to the most comforting item he can.

We cut to the silence of Sand’s bedroom. Sand and Ray laying awkwardly side by side. Ray, to his credit, does try to comfort Sand

“Hey, don’t listen to what Boston said. If there’s something you want to know, ask me”

The problem is, while Boston does not have the full context for the depth at which he has just hurt Ray, he is still right. Ray loves Mew, and if Ray didn’t, he would not have gotten mad the way he did. Ray can say whatever he wants here, Ray can ask to be trusted by Sand to tell him what he wants to know. But Sand has seen enough of Ray’s behavior, been jerked around enough by Boston, heard too many times in too short a period that Ray does not consider them anything more than friends, and so Sand is back to boundaries and barriers.

Sand lost sight of himself, and he fell too quickly for a deeply broken boy that he cannot fix, and who is not emotionally available enough to be a good fit for him right now.

And God, for as much as Sand exists to be jerked around by the narrative and shit on and used by the wealthier characters, I see why First was picked to play this role (besides the fact that there is no one else but Khao that I think could have done Ray, and it’s hard to kick the GMMTV pair-ups.) We have not even gotten to the height of First Crying Over Problems That Are Partially His Character’s Fault in this show yet, but First is a master at microexpressions, and despite the fact that his face is pretty neutral, that Sand has put on this mask, there is just such a palpable disappointment radiating off of Sand. The shine in his eyes is dulled, I saw someone on tumblr say this really looks like the first time that Sand has seen Ray, looked at him without the rose-colored glasses.

Sand’s mother loves him, I think he is special to her, but it is hard to feel special to someone you have to take care of. In the montage at the beginning of the episode, Sand is shown working, working, working, working and we don’t really see him interacting with other people who he isn’t providing a service to. He sings at the bar, he seems to enjoy that, he seems to have a good time with Yo and Atom, but he is only that close to them because they pay him to play there. He is providing them a service. The only classmates he is shown interacting with are clients he is selling plum wine to. It’s really possible that Sand’s only friend is Nick, and we don’t see them hanging out that much.

And, I know there is always some contention about how any and all of these characters feel, how much or how little they are telling the truth, etc. But for me personally, I think about when Ray said that he does care about Sand’s feelings, and I at the time he said it, I don’t think he did, but I think by Episode 5 he is starting to genuinely care.

Ray is getting better at reading Sand, Ray is trying to have a serious conversation, or at least to open the floor to one, and Sand is sad and so he isn’t saying anything, and Ray is able to tell that something is wrong. Ray wants Sand to talk to him, Ray says Sand’s name multiple times, trying to get him to answer verbally.

And Sand can’t do it, not if he is looking at Ray, not if he has to actually face the reality of how much of a fool he has been, to fall this deep, to fall this fast, to get it in his head that he and Ray were becoming something more than friends. To actually believe for even a second that someone could think he was special.

So he closes his eyes, and he takes a deep breath, and he says:

“Forget it. I’m tired. One more thing…This has nothing to do with me.”

Who is he talking to here, Ray or himself?

Sand’s inhale in this moment is deep, it’s weary, unsteady, and sad. Sand is gathering the strength to let go of what he thought he had. He is rebuilding his walls, and placing Ray on the other side of them. He cuts Ray out completely the second he turns his back. And you can just see the guilt all over Ray’s face, you can see all these little bursts of realization moment after moment where Ray realizes that he’s losing Sand now too. Even though Sand is likely more of a consolation prize to him, an easy victim of his puppy dog eyes.

Alone o’clock is not just for Sand, it’s for Ray too. Boston has won yet again because Boston is a miserable sack of shit lashing out because Mew and Top finally fucked and he has to make it everyone’s problem

Tagging the ephemerality squad: @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles, @chickenstrangers, @ranchthoughts, @twig-tea, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @distant-screaming

and my blessed mess crew: @so-much-yet-to-learn, @ginnymoonbeam, @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @neuroticbookworm, @emotionallychargedtowel because I want attention :)

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #sandray #bostonnick #firstkhao #neomark #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #neo trai #mark pakin #jojo tichakorn #ninew pinya #wka long post #only friends analysis #only friends meta #ofts meta

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cherrytea556 · 1 month

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I notice a trend with people who find aro and aces not belonging to the community because 'their not oppressed' like it's a fucking competition. And how they do that is basically downplay our experiences to just being nothing or something that's not worth mattering. Things such as 'oh your oppressed? What? For your family asking if you date sometimes? That your friends and family may not understand you? Pfft, like that's the same as the r4pe, assault and murder WE experienced!'

Of course, aro and aces face more than that (and even HAVE faced the same things your claiming we don't experience) but that's not the point. The point is, they belittle experiences of aro and ace people without any sense of understanding what it would be/feel like from our perspective. Of course, our loved ones not understanding our orientation is not a big thing to you. But it is to us.

Within my family, love is an expectation, not an option. Many of them express how love is this universal important thing and when I reject that notion by just simply stating that i don't even want to be in one, they dismiss it and tell me that later on, I'll change my mind. It's the same with sex but in a lesser extent (that being it's not as talked about as it is to love) This expectation drives me away from expressing my true self to them, hiding my orientation in fear of their reactions (whether it's not believing in me, claiming that i was brainwashed my the internet, you get the deal) This is combined with the fact that aro and aces are practically invisible in representation (aromantics especially) makes it a rather isolating experience in the closet as most people wouldn't know that people like you exist and with society centering love and sex as this universal thing, how can they believe you? And to anyone who tries to downplay isolation, note this to someone that was very isolated before that; it can truly be a slippery or even miserable experience. It is predominantly so too if your mental health is already declining. Everything remaining in your head with no room to release is very frustrating, I would know, I lived it as my own mental health took a downturn. It's only when i started making friends, people I can talk to without this lingering fear, that i started to get better. And I'm lucky i still have friends who support me and my identity, some people don't even have that at all. Some of them are completely isolated with no one to turn to for support. These people also associate us as being 'too online' but that is majorly because the internet would be the only place to find this support from given free access in expressing ourselves on social media. Why else am I so public about my aroaceness online? But of course, it's not like they'll care. The only reason why they say that shit about us is because they don't bother to understand our experiences/issues we face because it doesn't make sense to them. Like a standard bigoted being, they would rather stay in their bubble and attack rather than venture out to explore our perspectives.

No, I don't care about your orientation, you belittling our experiences is no different from bigots belittling your own experiences. And you know which community also faces isolation from lack of understanding and representation for their identities? That's right, you. The lgb alliance and anyone ace/arophobic in our community. You might as well dismiss your own isolating experiences while your at it.

We have shared similar experiences to you (being in the closet, fear of coming out, lack of representation, lack of understanding etc) and all bigots want us as well as you to be non existent. So why bother trying to gatekeep us out of the community just because we don't follow your personal norms of sexuality? The whole of lgbt is to give people who aren't fit in societal norms a sense of community. We clearly don't fit in society's norms of orientation (that being mono straight cis and allo) so why is this even a debate?

Anyways, aro and aces are part of the community whether you like it or not. Peace.

#aro #aromantic #asexual #ace #aroace #aromantic asexual #asexual aromantic #aroace rant

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pink-key · 5 months

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Old 2015 version

A young man was sitting on a concrete block, lacing up his rollerblades. His hands were shaking with excitement. He had been thinking about this upcoming moment for several years. Tightening the tongue of his skate, he stood up and rolled forward slightly. He looked around. The building he was in was once supposed to be a small shopping center, but the company went bankrupt and left the building in an unfinished state. This place had been his refuge ever since.

His appearance was not remarkable: disheveled long black hair and always tired gray eyes with an eternal, distant look. He was wearing an old, tattered sweatshirt and dark pants, in which some small holes were already visible, undoubtedly the result of street fights.

Taking the claw hammer, he swung it a couple of times and quietly muttered, barely smiling, "Everything should go perfectly; it would be a shame to end up in that damned hospital with a broken leg again."

At a young age, he was hit by a car, resulting in hospitalization. At that time, there were many war veterans there. Every day, he heard their groans, cries of agony, and curses when they realized that their limbs could not be saved. This moment stuck in his subconscious; he felt a certain detachment from reality, his consciousness slowly peeling away from his brain. At least that's how he described it to his overprotective mother. Like any mother, she was worried about her son, but she did not consider therapists and psychologists to be real doctors and treated his mental health in her own way. She worked as a court assistant lawyer and often brought pictures from her work. These were photographs of crime scenes, and she thought that by showing them to her son, the boy would not consider blood or corpses, for that matter, as something scary. She was always too close for his comfort.

Ruffling his hair sharply with his free hand, he shook his head. He didn't want these memories to ruin his night. He glanced at his belongings lying on a nearby cement block. A shabby backpack, a couple of trinkets and his old hockey stick. He grinned, taking the hockey stick and putting it in the case on his back that wrapped around his torso. He glanced at his watch. 2:34, time to act. Leaving the abandoned building, he skated on a deserted road.

With every second, emotions of immense joy filled him more and more, although he had not even reached his goal yet. He had not felt such bursting emotions for a long time; they were comparable to those he felt when he learned to roller-skate.

He considered skates an extension of himself and felt awkward not wearing them. After all, he could run away or catch up with anyone when he was wearing them. He especially enjoyed it when he skated away from a salesman after stealing a sandwich or chips from him. His friends praised him for his agility and speed. However, they were hooligans and often fought and abused stray animals. He didn't spend much time with them; he believed that animals should not be tortured. All human beings, even children, are born spoiled and prone to cruelty, while animals do not have human thoughts and a thirst for sadism. He was so obsessed with this philosophy that the smell of cooked meat started to make him vomit.

A girl appeared on the horizon. No older than 25, she wore a short dress that barely covered her bottom. She stared at her phone, typing something on it. She didn't care about the slightly cool wind or the completely empty road on which she stood. He was looking for her.

He leaned a little, gaining speed, and squeezed the hammer in his hand while whistling a simple classic tune.

"Hey, Oli-dolly! You're not a man? Why are you refusing meat? Should I knock the crap out of you? Frigging princess, all polite, quiet, well-mannered. You fight like a girl too." Words ringed in his head. If he was provoked, he had no brakes; he was ready to fight to the death. That moment in the past was no exception either. The long refusal of food made him more sullen, any bullying addressed to him angered him more easily than usual; when he grappled with the leader of their gang, he couldn't restrain himself and, out of hatred, bit off part of his opponent's cheek. In that instance, he realized how to live, everything seemed to fall into place for him, as if with the snap of fingers. Undoubtedly, all people are corrupt, but there are those who do not even try to pretend to be correct and give themselves over to their pleasures and sadistic inclinations. What if there was a way to erase them from existence completely? After all, their soul cannot exist outside their flesh, just burying the corpse won't be enough.

A dull sound echoed down the street. The girl fell to the ground. There was a pause as Oli slowly lowered his arm after the blow. He thought he would behave like the killers from the films, laugh loudly, shake with happiness, and burst into loud speeches. Yet he stood quietly, watching his victim, a slight shiver of adrenaline running through his body. Blood dripped down her silky blonde hair. She raised her head, looking in disbelief and horror at the teenager in front of her.

"O-oli?! Why... why did you do that?"

Tears poured out of her eyes. Not waiting for an answer, she got up, wobbling, and rushed in the opposite direction from him. He skated smoothly behind her, wondering how long she could run with a smashed head. She could not scream out words from the stupor of fear. However, when she gained strength, seeing the light in the windows of a house in the distance, Oli took out his hockey stick and knocked the girl down with it. She fell, face on the ground.

He hit the girl on the back with his weapon, so she couldn't make any more loud sounds. The man moved in front of her face, waiting for her to lift her bloody head up.

Sofia didn't do anything bad to him. She was very close to him, playing the role of an older sister to him and other street children in their area. Occasionally, she made snarky, playful remarks to them when they engaged in various hooliganism. However, Oli always considered her useless. She was from a dysfunctional family, of no use to anyone, bringing nothing to society. Only a rich family man wanted her body. No one will remember her or miss her. Therefore, he chose her as his first project, a kind of realization of his philosophy; it became his passion and meaning, without which he could not live. --

"Did you guys hear? That maniac, Hitblade, killed someone again. Like, the quiet one from sociology, Rebecca or Raven was it." An anxious brown-haired girl sat down at the table where four of her classmates were having lunch.

"They haven't caught him yet? How hard is it to catch a cannibal on roller skates? Our police are completely slacking." Her red-haired classmate sitting opposite her answered displeasedly.

"I recently heard from a youtuber he ended up beating and eating his mother when he was a teen, even lived with her corpse for months, but these are just speculations, and these crimes are stated to not be related. Eh, don't worry, you look too young to be his next target." the third talkative classmate whispered, sneering awkwardly.

"Ahem, guys, I'm scared you know, I work the evening shift, what if he kills me?" The brunette muttered anxiously.

"Yes, I'm worried about you, Miriam. Oh, I have an idea! What if I accompany you after work to your home? I will be passing by there anyway, need to return a book to a friend." The black-haired guy said with notes of concern in his voice, moving his laptop away.

"You know, it's a good idea. He never attacks girls who're with someone. I finish at 22:00 you know the place." she said calming down.

"Of course." He answered with a gentle smile.

"Thank you, Oli!"

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rowanfalls · 4 months

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No joke, I think dungeon meshi has seriously impacted my desire to be healthy for the better. A very long and heartfelt (but spoiler free) essay is under the cut.

I have Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. Because of my OCD, some foods are safe and some are not and I would literally rather starve than eat an unsafe food (i know because it happened once on a trip to Switzerland). This means I mostly eat chicken nuggets, buttered noodles, donuts, soda, the like. The only vegetable I can eat is cooked broccoli and the only fruit I can eat is apples (smoothies not withstanding).

I'm also physically disabled in a way that makes it hard for me to exercise or do physical activity, not to mention how my ADHD and Depression fuck with that as well. I'm 'lucky'* in that I have a genetic disposition towards being very thin and probably will stay that way until I'm in my 40s (my dad was exactly the same at my age).

So I eat mostly junk food and I sit at my computer all day every day and for a long time, I've been happy with that. When I tell people about my Eating Disorder, they usually say "oh, is there a way to fix it?" and my answer is always "why would I want to?" Its not like an allergy or a medical dietary restriction. I don't LIKE any of the foods I can't eat. I don't have any reason to want to learn how to eat them.

Besides health reasons of course. I know in my head that not eating any vegetables isn't good for me but I also know that I don't really want to eat them and, for most of my adulthood, I've lived with the mindset that I think a lot of people my age have where they hear so many people say 'just eat well and exercise!' as a solution to every problem and so they tend to hate the idea of doing that. The health industry is full of too many people who are fatphobic assholes or who think a green smoothie can cure your depression for good or who just want your money or whatever and I hate that. And so I've kind of felt above exercise and nutrition.

But then I read Dungeon Meshi.

Even in the beginning, the manga was super inspiring. The way Senshi talks about taking care of your body so you can go on adventures makes it sound like something I might want to do. So much of today's health advice is shame based and, as someone who grew up in and left a high demand control group, I work hard not to tolerate shame in my life. But Dungeon Meshi posits a new view of health and nutrition, one that is centered in love for the self, love for your friends, and love for your food. It resonated with me in a way that I really wasn't expecting it to.

Over the last few years, I've been working really hard to become a compassionate person. This year, my new goal is learning to turn that compassion inward and I've been trying to do that in several different ways. When I finished reading Dungeon Meshi I knew that one of those ways was going to have to be improving my diet and exercise.

I want to be able to go on adventures (as tame and simple as they may be). I want to live as long as possible to spend time with my loved ones. I want to be able to walk around and exist without pain for as much of that time as I can. I want to love my body and act accordingly, making sure it is well fed and cared for. Hell, I've always loved the idea of cooking but haven't had the energy to really learn, especially since I can't eat most foods, but now the idea of taking the time to cultivate a skill like that, one that I can be proud of and that can be used to care for my friends, fills me with a sense of hope and excitement.

So thank you Dungeon Meshi, and thank you Ryoko Kui. If you haven't read the manga, I highly recommend that you do.

*by lucky I mean that my diet hasn't forced me to deal with the stigma that comes with being fat. I have no idea what kinds of problems it's been causing that I just can't see. I am not saying that it would be bad if I were fat, just that not being thin would mean I faced a lot more stigma and discrimination in my life, which is bad.

#dungeon meshi #rowan reads dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi

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dyke-pollinator · 4 months

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Hey just read one of your recent posts and… you seriously giving out HRT advice? Like, for free???

(If so, uh. I (transfem) live in Florida. Help?)

Sorry this took me a few days to get to <3 I luckily managed to escape the hell hole that is Florida long before figuring out I was trans, and sadly I do not have any personal experience trying to get access to HRT down there now with the new legislation that was recently passed. So just be forewarned that the info I have for you is based on anecdotal evidence given to me by a trans friend who (until recently) lived down there.

The long and short of it is that it is now difficult to access hormones in FL at the moment. As of last May, all people wanting to get on some kind of hormone therapy must have a consent form signed in person given to you by an MD or DO. A Nurse Practitioner will not work and you will not be able to access anything through strictly online means anymore. There is no way around this and is a step that must be taken.

Planned Parenthood is still a big resource, I do not know with certainty whether all of the locations will have an MD or DO that will be able to complete the consent form for you, but from what I have gathered, they are still a great resource for information and helping you get in to see someone who is still willing to prescribe hormones in the state.

The other two organizations I was recommended are Hope And Help and the Campaign for Southern Equality Florida branches. Theyre able to offer you a lot of resources for knowing what your rights are, and communicating with Doctors offices and pharmacies to get you your prescriptions. I've not worked with them myself, but I have heard good things.

Sadly, even with these resources, it may still be difficult to get access to care in Florida. Some doctors offices are refusing to prescribe HRT and some pharmacies are refusing to fill prescriptions due to a combination of bigotry and fear of legal repercussions.

All of this assumes that you are also at least 18+, unfortunately as a minor, the process would be even more difficult and would require full support from your parents to even have a hope of getting access.

Here are some links to the organizations I was talking about. Planned Parenthood Locations in FL that offer In Person Gender Affirming Care: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center?location=Florida&service=lgbtservice&channel=onsite&page=1 Hope and Help FL Branch: https://www.myflfamilies.com/hopeflorida

Campaign for Southern Equality FL Branch: https://southernequality.org/legal-resources/florida/

And if you'd like to reach out to me in DMs I may be able to put into contact with some folks who are more intimately familiar with the experience of getting and maintaining access to HRT after SB 254 went into effect.

And if you do manage to get onto HRT, I will always strongly recommend starting with injections over pills or patches if you can handle actually doing the injections yourself.

#asks #trans #hrt #gender affirming care #queer #lgbtq

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rickgrimesdoingrickthings · 7 months

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ಠoಠ

A headcanon about a pet peeve for Rick- something he really hates and will test his patience.

When people say or act prejudice based.

It's not because Rick is some random moralist. In my opinion, there are many reasons why it annoys him so much when people act racist or sexist etc. 1) First thing is- to act based on prejudice is stupid- Rick is very intelligent and stupid people annoy him, specially people who are willing to use prejudice to act superior than others. Prejudice is based on shallow, superficial ideas, puts everyone in the same bag and is strongly influenced by bias- to Rick, that's the most stupid way of thinking. People who say "all men are like this" or "all women are like that" are basically putting 50% of the world population in the same bag without considering each person's peculiarities. Judging without knowing is stupid to him, who acts mostly based on logic and rationing. 2) Second thing- he's sensible and smart enough to know people are way more than race, gender, etc. and are not defined by that. So when someone uses prejudice to erase others, Rick interprets that as injustice, and guess what, Rick hates injustice.

3) Third thing is personal- he has suffered because of prejudice- Rick is far from the concept of what sexist traditional people expect and construct as what "a man should be like". Of course you can't even compare the struggles Rick faces for not being the "ideal male stereotype" with what minorities go through- in fact, black people, LGBT+, women and immigrants go through a lot worse on a daily basis (Rick considers that injustice, considering the previous topic). The point I'm trying to make is- Rick doesn't fit in what most of a sexist society expects a man to be like. He is sensible, emotional, he is not aggressive, he likes art, he's shy, he hates conflict, he is not muscular, he is not big, he doesn't like imposing his opinions, he doesn't like being the center of all attention, he doesn't like to show strength and authority all the time, he is not a womanizer, he doesn't like drinking, he doesn't like going out with friends to bars etc, he likes to read, he likes to draw, he likes to take care of his kids, he is not a controller, he likes to cake care of his appearance, he likes to look good, he doesn't like flirting with strangers or being flirted by strangers. Rick has so many traits that sexist people would disapprove. He probably already got bullied a lot because of who he really is like and maybe it's one of the main reasons he is so reserved about his tastes, about the novels he likes to read and even about the sweets and snacks he enjoys. He hates to see people emulating actions based on prejudice- shallow values that hurt others, without critique, without empathy.

4) Fourth thing- Prejudice thinking / acting is bad to the world.

Rick is aware of the oppression people go through. He thinks racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia etc. just bring more pain to the world. That causes more hate, more crimes, more chaos, more suffering, more wars, more mental health problems and diseases, more conflicts and more unhappiness. Prejudices are rocks in the road to the ideal happy world Rick wish that existed. He thinks such things harm human society as whole, he doesn't want that. As a cop, Rick already experienced so much disgrace and violence, many caused by prejudice and it's direct and indirect effects.

5) Fifth thing- Prejudice limits people. It's quite simple: many men could have been great artists, happy with their art, but weren't because they got laughed at, for art wasn't something "manly". Many women could have survived aggressors if they had been taught to defend themselves instead of being labeled as "fragile". Rick has a very practical blunt view of people- he always tries to see the individuals, not the labels. He wants to be free to be a loving father who is present to take care and play with his children- he wants to be free to teach his daughter to fight and be strong- he doesn't want prejudices in the way, he doesn't want people to bother him because of prejudices they carry. He doesn't want his group being weak because the survivors are having their potentials limited. He's very practical, he doesn't want people feeling superior trying to force other people to live in any specific way against their will- to him, as long as people respect the laws so society can be peaceful, people should be free.

@wexarethewalkingxdead

#character analysis #rick grimes #rick grimes headcanons #rick grimes headcanon #twd #twd headcanons #twd headcanon #rick twd #twd rick #the walking dead #wexarethewalkingxdead

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alyx-the-witch · 6 months

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Hello! my name is Alyx, and im a Hellenic Witch! i wanted to talk about my practice a little bit, and let other people know that its ok to be unconventional when it comes to your practice. you do what you think is best, and intuition is your best friend when it comes to designing your practice.

anyways, heres some things i do throughout the week to worship my Gods.

personally, i got very overwhelmed when i started worshipping, so i set up a schedule, giving each deity and myself a day of the week that coincided with their historical days of worship.

Sunday

This day is for Lord Apollon. for him, i wake up before the sun and have a glass of orange juice while i watch the sunrise. i also go for a walk, and feed the corvids (crows and ravens) in my neighborhood.

Monday

this day is for Lady Artemis. for her, i record the moon phase, go to a park near my house, and bring some food with me for any animals i might come across. this is also one of the days i cleanse my space and myself.

Tuesday

this day is for Lord Ares. for him, i go to the gym, spend any free time i have with my dogs, and take good care of my mental health.

Wednesday

this day is for Lady Hestia. this day is apart from her historical day, but i trusted my intuition and chose this day because she feels very centering and in the middle of everything, and wednesday’s give that energy for me. for her, i bake or cook something, veil, and make sure that im choosing kindness over everything else.

Thursday

this day is for Lord Thanatos. for him, i wear something dark, honor the dead by visiting the cemetery near my house and leaving offerings, and finding a butterfly in something. finding a butterfly is a bit unconventional, but butterflies remind me of the beauty and peacefulness of death. its actually funny because when i first started to worship him, he would send me monarchs. one of those times, i found one almost dead and drowned in a puddle, and i took care of it in its final moments.

Friday

this day is for me. i set aside time to take care of myself, i make sure i eat well and drink water, i go to the gym, and i try to get more sleep. because i am currently worshipping 6 Deities, i have one day left over, and so i treat myself on that day how i would treat a deity. obviously i never compare myself to them and never hold myself on the same level as them, but its important for me to set aside a day for myself.

Saturday

this day is for Lady Aphrodite. for her, i take an everything shower, do my makeup, and honor Water. to me, she is a Water Deity, because in her birth myth, the blood of Uranus and the sea mixed together, and she rose from the foam, so involving water in her worship is important to me.

Other Things i do for my Gods

i took a vow of chastity for Lady Hestia

i make my own offerings out of clay (im a ceramics student so thats easy for me)

i wrote my own prayers for them

i braid colors into my hair that reminds me of them (i do one color per day and on each of their days i braid it into my hair using string)

i use my hair as a tool for my practice, and take care of it well. i use it to express periods of my life, and periods of change. for example, i cut it all off when i decided to change myself, and morned my old self while it was short, and now that it grew back out, i am out of that period and into a different one.

i offer myself as a conduit for them to experience the human condition of the 2000’s. they can inhabit my body for a period of time and live my life, taste my food, experience working a modern job (🤢🤢🤢), stuff like that.

i have a playlist for each of them with songs they like/songs that remind me of them/ give off the same vibe. i listen to their playlist on their day

anyways, my posts will most likely be about my practice and anything i think might be helpful, please talk to me about any questions you have!

#hellenic polytheism #hellenic deities #hellenic pagan #hellenic devotion #hellenic gods #witchcraft #witch #apollo #ares #hestia #thanatos #aphrodite #pagan witch #please ask me questions #i love getting asks #dont be rude #be a nice person

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ink-and-hedera · 2 months

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Acquaintance

"Brewed in academia, we sip knowledge, each cup filled with life's realities. In the shadow of ancient trees and hills, we find comfort, learning to endure our shared existence. Like an over-roasted coffee, life blends bitterness with inexplicable charm."

My go-to is black coffee - drip when I'm in a rush, or filter when my favorite barista is working at the coffee shop near the dormitory. The other barista over-roasts the coffee beans and brews it without passion. I'd rather skip coffee altogether than face that disappointment in a small white cup.

You can always tell when a person loves what they do.

I'd love to say that I wake up to the first rays of the sun sneaking into our room through the solitary window, but the truth is we live in the shadow of a hill and old trees. It's unusual, given that we're in the center of Kyiv, but neither my roommates nor I complain. In the summer, the shade provides welcome coolness.

Our room, a cramped 10 square meters, houses four of us. There's no such thing as privacy here. It's not a life, but a fairy tale. But you get used to it. The options are limited: a) find a third job, neglect studies, and rent an apartment; b) sell a kidney; c) endure.

Since I don't have a spare kidney, and a day only has 24 hours - the first two options are out. As for the third - I'm a born endurer.

Back to the room and its inhabitants. To protect privacy, I've changed the names, ages, appearances, and some biographical details. Girls, if you're reading this, know that I love you. Probably.

We're four girls of different ages, tastes, and views. Essentially, we're strangers forced by circumstances to share a roof. In such a situation, you must find common ground. Living together requires rules and responsibility sharing, and quarrels over household matters are inevitable. Sometimes, someone might eat your dinner, the one you've fantasized about all day during tedious lectures. Sometimes, you spend two hours deciding who should pay for the internet and who should take out the trash.

It's like a family.

“Alaska, are you busy?”

A friend messages me while I'm sitting in class, rubbing my forehead. My students are in an anti-bullying lecture, so I'm doing my own thing. Teaching in college at 22 while studying for a master's? It’s a cruel joke. Don't get me wrong, I love my students. But the administration, colleagues, standards from the ministry, and bureaucracy that has me rewriting the curriculum for the sixth time...

I sigh heavily and return to the message.

“Yes,” I answer, though I'm not really bothered. I have at least 20 free minutes.

“Come outside.”

Ugh.

“Why did you even ask then?” I text back, irritated.

“Just come, grumpy.”

I sigh again, shut off my work laptop, and leave everything in the office. I put on a black trench coat with a packet of two remaining cigarettes, a lighter, and keys in the pocket.

"I hope you didn't call me just because you're bored. I have zero desire to climb back to the 4th floor," I say as I exit the building. The cold autumn wind hits me as I descend the stone stairs of the old building.

Oliver is sitting on a bench next to an abstract statue. He waves as I approach. We study Computer Science together at the university, though we don't fit the programmer stereotype.

Oliver, half a head taller than me, has red hair and freckles covering his nose and cheeks. He might seem cute to some, but his snarky sarcasm ruins that image.

"And I missed you too, grumpy. Let's grab a coffee," he says as I stare at him in disbelief. "You're a jerk. Couldn't you just come to me? I'm gonna die climbing back to the classroom."

"I care about your health. Maybe you'll finally quit smoking."

"Shut up," I snap, though I still follow him through the green gates marking the college territory. "So, what brings you here?"

"Had some business around, decided to stop by, check on our grumpy," Oliver says, smirking.

"And who told you I'm at work, and not in the dormitory or elsewhere?"

"Mary. She's worried because you've been acting strange lately," he says as we reach a coffee shop.

The coffee shop is spacious and not crowded - it's the middle of a workday. The interior is green and white, and I momentarily drift away from the conversation, observing every detail of the décor.

The spacious café is cozy and calm, as if immersed in a peaceful oasis in the middle of the city, where time meditates to the rhythm of coffee drops. Modernity intertwines with elegance in every detail. The walls, made of fresh white brick and adorned with green accents, seem to reflect the trends of nature that seep into the modern urban landscape.

Filling the space, the soft light shimmers from stylish pendant lamps with glass shades, creating an atmosphere of tenderness and tranquility. Tables, made of glass panels and metal legs, embody the spirit of innovation and refinement. Interwoven green and white accents add whimsy and refresh the space, creating a sense of lightness and harmony.

Meanwhile, the café does not lose its functionality. Comfortable chairs with soft cushions invite you to relax and enjoy the aromatic drinks brewed in copper coffee makers on the kitchen windowsill. The taste notes of coffee, complemented by the delicate aromas of freshly baked pastries, awaken all your senses, prompting instant relaxation and rest.

Thanks to its refined design and sophisticated approach to decor, the café in green and white color becomes not just a place where you can enjoy the taste of coffee, but also a true masterpiece of modern urban life, inviting you to discover new horizons of taste and aesthetics.

“Are you even listening to me?” Oliver asks, and I just stare at him, momentarily forgetting that I'm not alone here. “I asked what coffee you'll have.”

“Yes, sorry. Americano,” I finally respond. He smiles again and turns back to the barista, while I decide where we should sit.

My gaze lands on a table by the window, and I head there to claim it.

After a few minutes, Oliver joins me, holding two sandwiches. I look at him with a silent question in my eyes.

“You clearly haven't eaten anything,” he says as if he knows me like the back of his hand.

Indeed, I haven't eaten because I overslept three damn alarms and ran to work as if I had been scalded.

“Thank you,” I say gratefully and unfold the bag. The smell of food makes my stomach somersault, and just from that, I let out a pleased “mmm…”

“God, don't rush. When was the last time you ate properly? You're losing your mind with your work. Mary said you were acting strange, but I think I see that the reason for it is your workaholism,” Oliver says, taking a sip of his cappuccino, which the barista has just brought.

“Just... a lot of work,” I say, just having chewed my long-awaited food. “Mary worries in vain.”

“I think she is doing the right thing worrying. I, of course, call you a workaholic, but that doesn't mean you should actually become one, for God's sake,” he says, looking straight at me and exhales with disappointment. “Anyway, we'll talk about this later. Anyway, I came with a proposition.”

I stop eating and look at him in surprise.

“I won't marry you,” I say, with a note of sarcasm, joking.

“Hey! Actually, I'm a great catch,” he adds, laughing openly. “But no, you're wrong. Not that proposition. I know a guy who really wants to open a private educational institution. Somewhere in the summer. The building is great, and so are the ideas and programs. They promise a room, food, and decent salary..." he says, and I look at him with irritation.

“Oliver, you must be joking? I dream of escaping this teaching pit, and you're offering me to dive deeper into it... sorry, frankly, this shit? You know how I'm counting down the days until the end of the contract,” I add, exhaling.

“Alaska, wait and don't get heated. I know, I know, you're planning to go into the gaming industry. And yes, I know how much you like teaching. But this is a really cool opportunity. At least temporarily, until you finish your master's degree. You've been needing to move out of the dorm for a long time, get away from all the problems and start... living. Come on, where else will you find a job with such conditions? And there's a young team there. Lots of opportunities. You'll be able to balance everything appropriately and finally take care of your health.” Oliver says with such determination, trying to convince me. “You don't have to answer right now. Just think about it. It's a good start... Considering... events. Don't refuse right away.”

I take a sip of my Americano.

Damn.

The beans are over-roasted again.

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