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le-loup-et-lion · 3 years

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I know I talked about this on Discord once ages ago but did I ever tell you guys about my absurd harvest-mouse!Javert au?

Basically it's brick canon until Javert says to Valjean "I will wait for you here", at which point due to inexplicable fairy tale-esque 'you told a lie for the first time in your life' magic curse bullshit Javert is transformed right in front of Valjean into one of these lil guys:

Conceptually it's completely ridiculous, but what makes it funny is that's it's played completely straight.

"Autumn, you seem like a fairly serious person when it comes to this fandom so why on earth would you come up with something this silly" you say? well. you see. it literally came to me in a dream (no, seriously).

I imagine it as a very terrifying and painful transformation, which starts out almost like the pangs of a heart attack, with Javert clutching his chest and doubling over with a grunt as Valjean is walking away, causing Valjean to turn back around and kneel down with him, grabbing him by his shoulders and trying to assess what's wrong with him, ending up bewildered as Javert begins to glow with an eerie golden light which eventually engulfs him (but not before Javert can look up and meet his eyes one last time with an utterly petrified, vulnerable, pleading look). Then this blinding luminous form shrinks in Valjean's grasp until it is naught but a small floating orb, at which point the light begins to fade and whatever is left of Javert starts to fall. Valjean catches it in his hands and, somewhat horrified and awestruck, opens them to reveal the tinest little mouse he's ever seen curled up in his palms within the faintest fading golden glow.

Javert goes unconscious during this transformation, leaving Valjean to trudge back to his apartment in complete confusion with him (very gently) in hand, highly questioning his own sanity the entire time until Javert is able to wake up again and respond to basic yes/no questions.

(Javert of course absolutely loses his mind at first and tries to run away as soon as he begins to process the situation, but is unused to his new body and runs right off the edge of the table without thinking, forcing Valjean to panic lunge across the tabletop and grab him midair to prevent him from falling and hurting himself)

Anyway they are both very rattled and perplexed by this and Valjean keeps him at his apartment because they don't know what else to do.

Their whole hunter/prey antagonist/protagonist relationship gets pretty immediately and completely derailed by this, but not in like, a neatly resolved way, because they can't really just have a conversation about it at first, leading to ... a pretty weird mental state for both of them for quite awhile.

It also levels the playing field between them in a way because Javert was the only one who "knew" Valjean, and now Valjean is the only one who "knows" Javert.

Javert can't talk obviously but he CAN dip his little tail in an inkwell and write with surprisingly humanlike penmanship. (Also harvest mice have prehensile tails which they use to climb around vegetation; so it's more useful than he initially realizes—I wonder if they would be dexterous enough for him to write with just the tail itself, without having to grasp it like a pen in his front paw?)

His top hat fell off while he was transforming so it didn't transform with him (thereby remaining the only real proof of the situation, sort of) and Valjean sat it on his bedside table and filled it with bits of fabric (I like to think they're different colored cravats) for Javert to use as a hiding place/bed, which is just. the cutest thing ever if you picture it.

People on Discord were laughing about the idea of him wearing, like, a little waistcoat from a doll or something bc he's nakey and embarrassed about it lmao

I was thinking that shortly after this Valjean might fall ill, perhaps due to some wounds he received at the barricade (bullet grazes?) becoming infected by all the sewer muck he was wading around in, leaving him bedridden and unsure of the future (hmm, just like Marius). This would give him plenty of time to talk openly with Javert without anyone seeing, but also mainly force him to worry about Javert's immediate future as well, perhaps in his own absence (though he doesn't die in the end, of course). And then, their overwhelming mortality would probably make Valjean start talking about things he wouldn't otherwise have brought up.

Eventually after a long time of living with Valjean and watching him interact with others, and realizing the kind of person he is/that people can change/that the law and justice are two separate concepts/that he has spent his life helping to oppress people who often didn't deserve it, Javert manages to tolerate/accept and even appreciate Valjean in a sort of backwards Beauty and the Beast type au, and would turn back into his old human self again. But I haven't figured out exactly what the specific caveats of this "curse" (and therefore the breaking thereof) would be yet.

Like. Is it about being honest with oneself and others? Is it about learning to love? Is it about how seeing the humanity of others and treating them humanely is fundamental to what makes us human? What would break the curse, exactly? A kiss? A confession of some kind? A selfless act? Certainly it is more about him learning to love than it is about him becoming loveable; but then, are those two concepts not inseparably intertwined?

And why did he turn into a mouse, specifically, to begin with? (The real answer here is that my subconscious picked it while I was asleep, so I'm not sure; but) I feel like, in a metaphorical sense, Javert is a mouse who wholeheartedly believes himself to be a lion.

By which I mean, he was born into a position of powerlessness in society due to classism, racism, moral persecution, and economic inequality, and because of this he sought respect and power; but instead of trying to gain these things by fighting against the oppressive system he faced (as he believed it to be an unwinnable battle), he caved into it entirely and chose to become a servant of it, in return for a scant amount of personal security and the illusion of authority.

At the end of the day, however, he is still impoverished, disrespected, and distrusted. He is lying to himself in that he believes that through his self-sacrificial and self-stifling choices, he has fulfilled his goals to rise through the ranks of society, becoming his "morally best" self—but the reality is almost exactly the opposite. He has become the self-same monster that would gladly oppress people like him and his family. And he makes the choice to continue being that monster every day, because at least now he feels powerful; at least now people fear him enough to pretend they respect him.

Perhaps it is fitting, then, that his illusions finally break around him as he chooses to knowingly lie, not just to himself this time, but finally—and for the very first time—out loud. And in the admittance of his dishonesty to himself, he transforms physically into what he truly was all along—meek and small, voiceless and powerless; an inconvenient and easily forgotten pest in the eyes of society.

Would the acceptance of this truth, and the embracing of true humility, be what breaks him of the curse then; restoring to him his physical humanity at the restoration of his spiritual humanity?

I never fully figured out the plot direction for this au but I still think about it now and then and try to add to it in my head. So possibly, one day longggg in the future, you may see. a very silly little fic on AO3

#Valjean #Javert #Les Miserables #Les Mis #Valvert #harvest mice #long post #I'm on mobile and I couldn't figure out how to put a readmore lol forgive me #fic writing #AU ideas #Fanfic

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cassyapper · 3 years

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Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

#THIS IS SO MESSY IM SORRY I DIDNT PROOFREAD ANYTHING #uhm but yeah these guys. drive me nuts!#jjba #jojo spoilers #nothing too heavy but just in case #cass cries #iwannagrill

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jacksgreysays · 4 years

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Hisoka!AU of DOS, Rokudaime(whoever you pick to end up with that job in this verse), A Steady Hand (NOTE: For Hisoka!AU, see Recursive forum pg 489 #14,655 - Snapshots From The Past Of Hisoka by donahermurphy pg 489 #14,665 - A Meeting While Fleeing The Garden & Desert by Tirfarthuan pg 491 #14,716 - A Name & A Gift Passed On by Tirfarthuan)

A/N: Thanks for the biblio [1+2, 3], dona--I did not know who Hisoka was before this, so those helped a lot! I did, also, have to reread the Lone Wolf 'verse since from what I understand Hisoka is an AU of that 'verse specifically? If not, please let me know.

Anyway, on rereading Lone Wolf 'verse, here are the facts that I gleaned:

Danzo is Hokage

Hiruzen died of "natural causes" several years before canon

Kakashi "betrayed the village" somehow and is being called Comrade-Killer more prevalently than canon

Asuma is probably dead

Yuuhi Shinku isn't an entire dick (since Uchiha Uzume can think about him without an automatic insult attached)

Shin is still alive (but very slowly dying)

and Kurenai is helping the Uchiha at the very least cover up a meeting with Kakashi outside of the village.

The facts of the Hisoka!AU are:

Shikako was taken to be ROOT

in order to protect those she cared about she mentally/spiritually maimed herself to the point where she no longer counted as "a Shikako" to Gelel

her partner for the final exam was Sai

she escaped/convinced Sai that the point of the final exam was to fake her death and became a fishmonger on the coast of Wind

when Shikako!Prime leaves via Gelel she "wakes up" from said previous mental/spiritual maiming

Kakashi finds her and they're a lovely wolf and cub pair who aim to kill Danzo (and get rid of their loneliness and maybe heal)

... okay, now that I typed all that out, did you mean Hisoka!AU of canon DoS instead of the Hisoka!AU of the Lone Wolf 'verse? Because those are different things, I think. But I kinda figured Hisoka!AU was intrinsically tied to the Lone Wolf 'verse, so, uh, here's a couple of ideas I had in mind:

1) Akimichi Chouza as Rokudaime.

Because after the absolute worst sort of "warmongering, self-cannibalizing, Konoha first" bullshit that Danzo spewed, the village needs someone who recognizes that being the village leader means making and protecting a home worth living in, not just a harsh taskmaster sending his soldiers out to die.

I considered Shikaku!Rokudaime for a similar sort of reason, but it's not as thematic and, also on a personal level, he can't. In a Hisoka!AU, he has to reconcile the fact that he gave one of his children--willingly or not, even if Danzo wiped his memory later--to a man who he already knew would exploit her horrendously. Maybe he didn't know the full extent of ROOT's training (surely not the final exam) but the fact that he was apprehensive and still went through with it is not a good look.

Even if Hisoka and Kakashi do not return to the village proper (and part of me is like, hey! They shouldn't! And I will go into that more in a little bit) he has to make amends to at least her, if not both of them, and he can't be Hokage and bound to prioritize the village over her if he ever wants to succeed.

Chouza, on the other hand, is the only one of the three who never made that decision (I'm still a little side-eyeing the Yamanaka clan, because surely a clan whose whole deal is KNOWING WHEN MENTAL SHENANIGANS IS GOING ON should have seen that with Fu, especially since he was allowed to keep his name and also, probably, had to have clan training to learn the clan jutsu, but maybe it wasn't Inoichi who made that deal? Maybe it was his predecessor. Either way, still mega sketch. I'm a little hand-wavy with Shibi and the Aburame because I headcanon that the Kyuubi largely wiped out what power they had the most out of any of the clans and they were like. Desperate to survive. And didn't have allied clans to bolster them.) And yes, probably that's because as far as fighting styles are concerned, they rely on their clan jutsu which is very recognizable and thus not great for ANBU (in the same way that I imagine the Inuzuka aren't often recruited into ANBU) but it's still a notable fact. The Akimichi are trustworthy pillars of the village and have been since the beginning.

And it helps that of the Nidaime's team, Akimichi Torifu was one of two of the full six who didn't turn into an old corruptible asshole. Sure, we don't necessarily know what happened to him, but he wasn't specifically seen as an old corruptible asshole so I think he's winning. It reflects well on his clan as a whole. Also, given my headcanon of the Akimichi actively cultivating their ties with civilians and also possibly the Daimyo's family they have, alongside military might, financial and political clout.

Anyway, while a possible Tsunade as Rokudaime would have similar vibes (and does, you know, match canon and have those canon reasons for working) in terms of "healing the village" etc. etc. This is a Tsunade whose most bitter cynicism was proven right? And there's no inspirational Naruto to convince her otherwise. And also, Tsunade shouldn't HAVE to clean up Danzo's mess. Like, the minuscule obligation she had to clean up Hiruzen's mess does not apply to Danzo. (It's a little like... Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Orochimaru were raised to be the ultimate team to take over for Hiruzen except they didn't know it and were dysfunctional. The fact that Hiruzen's death was by Orochimaru's hand and between her and Jiraiya she is the better choice is the only reason why she has that slight obligation to go back to Konoha. Whereas, with Danzo? FUCK THAT NOISE. That's a mess the village needs to resolve on their own. THEY'RE the ones who let it get so bad. THEY'RE the ones who need to deal with it)

And also, another reason why I don't really want Tsunade as Rokudaime is because I kind of like the idea of Kakashi and Hisoka sort of orbiting/paralleling her and Shizune. Like, there's a not-so-secret society of Konoha expatriates who aren't actually missing-nin and both love and hate the village and Tsunade is exasperatedly fond of those two disasters whereas she is sickened by the village. Maybe one day it will have fixed itself enough that she'll go back and visit and whip their Medic Corps into shape, but that is not any time soon!

Also, also, also, and I don't know if you remember this, dona, but in your In Which Someone Attempts to Kidnap Shikamaru, Instead, Inoichi brings up something called the Regency Protocol with Ino in regards to Danzo kidnapping Shikako and brainwashing Shikaku to forget and originally I thought it was some kind of Ino-Shika-Cho contingency plan where the three clans take over the village BECAUSE DANZO IS KIDNAPPING AND MURDERING CHILDREN AND THE SANDAIME WAS LETTING IT HAPPEN ON HIS WATCH? And of the three clans, the Akimichi really do have the traditional fighting prowess to wear the hat, so that's part of this too.

I just think an Akimichi Hokage would be pretty chill about it. Like. They wear power well and are good at managing people without crushing them in the fist of tyranny.

---

2) Maito Gai as Rokudaime.

This one actually for similar reasons as Chouza. Although, in terms of lineage, Gai could be Shichidaime, not that we're particularly holding to that Hokage teacher-student lineage so much.

In terms of semi-parallels where canon goes Tsunade to Kakashi, that means Gai also is a candidate. And in regards to showing the village/world a new kind of Hokage, he's as far from Danzo as one could get. He's straightforward and kind and draws out the potential from everyone and honestly real great but also wouldn't send someone into a mission he himself wouldn't do. Obviously, being a Hokage would mean delegating and sending shinobi on missions, but he would never send them out to die just because. Yes there are risky missions, but he would send those best suited to succeed with every tool available to them so they can succeed. Whereas Danzo would just throw bodies at a problem and kill the survivors for not doing it good enough.

The main difference between a Rokudaime Gai vs Rokudaime Chouza is that Gai's Konoha would rely less on the clan system. Of his three students, two were not from clans and the third is from the Hyuuga Branch (AND YOU KNOW FOR SURE THAT'S GOING TO BE SOMETHING FINALLY ADDRESSED BY A HOKAGE BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK). Yes, his sensei was Akimichi Chouza, but neither of his teammates were clan either. A Konoha under the rule of Rokudaime Gai is a Konoha that builds up those who don't have the same infrastructure as clans, who strengthens civilian-born and clan-born alike, who make sure that talented civilian-born students aren't only noticed by predatory old men who can sweep there existences under the rug.

Because truly one of the many ways that Danzo's weird self-hating megalomania harmed the village was by draining away the talented civilian-borns of Konoha. He who hated that the Shimura were a near-civilian clan, committed the worst crimes against those who could have proved that bloodline wasn't everything. He was so obsessed with the power of the Sharingan that it became a self fulfilling prophecy. Any talented non-bloodline student who could have proven a challenge were stolen and smothered before they could prove themselves.

Because imagine this: one day some random student with the ubiquitous last name of Satou or Tanaka or Honda beats Uchiha Itachi in a spar. Maybe its an accident. Maybe they got lucky. Maybe Itachi wasn't taking them seriously (after all, what could some no name civilian born do to him?). But those maybes don't matter. Satou or Tanaka or Honda gets in one good hit. Surprises the prodigy of the Uchiha clan. Knocks him out.

The teacher takes a note of it. Talks about it in the teacher's lounge. One of Danzo's spies brings news of that notable spar.

By the next week--maybe even the next day--Satou or Tanaka or Honda is gone. No one beats Uchiha Itachi in a spar anymore. And ROOT adds another nameless, faceless soldier to its ranks.

BUT NONE OF THAT HAPPENS UNDER HOKAGE MAITO GAI. Because it is civilians that make Konoha a village and not just a loose coalition of clans. Because a name and a bloodline are not necessary to make a person great.

3) And here's the angsty/semi-bleak option: Yuuhi Kurenai as Rokudaime.

And I wrote a little bit for it, but I'm a little... mreh... about it because it does revolve a lot around the various men in her life which I'm not exactly proud of, tbh, but aaaaaaaaaagh this is endemic to a lot of Naruto fic. D:<

Yuuhi Kurenai is nobody's first choice.

(She was Asuma's first choice, and he was hers, and that had nothing to do with either of their fathers. Except now Asuma is--)

Her father wanted a son. A proper heir. Someone to elevate the prestige of the Yuuhi clan.

(In another universe, Yuuhi Shinku will think the only way his daughter can benefit the clan is through marriage, not her own merits. In this universe Yuuhi Shinku is a little bit more open minded enough to make do. He's still a dick, but not as much of one as he could've been. This puts Kurenai in an interesting position.)

The Uchiha clan are pursuing another ally with a little more fire power, a little more name recognition, and all the intimidation and influence that entails.

(But look at where that got Kakashi, exiled and with his reputation in tatters. Look at Gai who so eagerly and overtly wants to follow. Look at Asuma who--)

The rest of the village would prefer someone who didn't look so much like the clan of would be traitors. Someone who didn't have black hair and piercing red eyes. Someone who didn't specialize in genjutsu, an art for liars.

(Oh, but they were fine quietly suffering under a man who lied and stole and murdered. A man who manipulated and cheated and framed others for his crimes. A man who ruined everything he touched and Asuma tried to stop him, gods, but then he--)

And the world doesn't quite know what to do with a Hokage like her. Or a Kage that is a her, for that matter.

Yuuhi Kurenai is nobody's first choice.

But that's fine. She can make do.

She can make miracles out of nothing.

So the thought process to get to a Rokudaime Kurenai went kind of like such. Obviously, the Uchiha would prefer an Uchiha Hokage. However that largely depends on whether they succeed in their coup or not. There's the distinct possibility that Kakashi plus Shikako!Prime or Kakashi plus Hisoka will just kill Danzo and then leave, forcing the rest of the village deal with the consequences... AS THEY SHOULD... and thus also sort of cutting the coup off at the knees.

If the coup doesn't succeed (whether out of failure or because Kakashi and a Shikako kills Danzo first before they're prepared to do the rest of the coup) then if the political climate actually matches the one they perceive themselves being in (although, I don't think the Uchiha are as hated as they think they are, but its hard for them to see that isolated as they've been forced to be) then they're unlikely to get an Uchiha Hokage especially if news of them actually seeking an alliance with Comrade-Killer Hatake Kakashi comes out. Much less the aborted/failed coup.

Anyway, no Uchiha Hokage without a successful coup... although, if there were a successful coup, the three Uchiha I would think would be even feasible would be Fugaku--boring, bland, but that's what they know. Shisui--friendly, well liked by those outside the clan, has an international reputation. Mikoto--this is largely based on fanon/headcanon, but she was ANBU Captain? That's pretty neat.

But, uh, to get back to the no Uchiha Hokage... Kakashi's reputation is still in tatters. Maito Gai could be a good option, but while his lack of clan is a good thing for future Konoha, he doesn't quite have the political backing necessary to get there. (Namikaze Minato was an undisputed war hero. Maito Gai hasn't quite proven himself that level yet)

If its brought up that the Ino-Shika-Cho were compromised (ie, Shikaku would have worked closely with Hokage Danzo as the Jounin Commander and also one of Danzo's top ROOT agents is Yamanaka Fu) then even Chouza's candidacy would be suspect.

The village wants Tsunade. But Tsunade does not want it. I have no fucking idea what Jiraiya has been up to, but if he didn't want the hat after Hiruzen died he sure as fuck won't want it after whatever Danzo's done with it.

The Hokage's Council is suspect. Yuuhi Shinku, for all that he is similarly important to the infrastructure of Konoha while also not being part of Danzo's corruption (in another universe, he very well would have been, desperate for power), isn't actually that strong and is old, besides. (The village has had enough of old men entrenched in positions of power telling them what to do).

But he does have a daughter. Genjutsu specialist, yes, but with potential and room to grow. And Sarutobi Asuma loved her (and, fuck, what a shitty campaign to run on, the would-have-been-widow of the Sandaime's son, but you know Shinku would be ruthless in pushing that. Remember, not as much of a dick in other 'verses, but still a dick) so she has that tether to the old regime, tentative as it is.

No one really has any major objections, but no one is really all that gung-ho about it either (except for maybe Anko who will punch all detractors in the face and may very well be a one woman Hokage's Guard).

Kurenai least of all. Because she doesn't want to be Hokage, but she'd rather step up and do it than watch her village tear itself apart even further. And maybe she doesn't know who she is just yet, and maybe it sucks that she's going to have to discover that while also being Hokage, but gods she's going to try her best because at least she knows what Danzo was doing was wrong and that there's no way she can do worse than him unless she just actively slaughtered children in the street.

...

Hm, yeah, kinda bleak ending. But as I said. The Rokudaime Kurenai one is the angsty-bleak option. I mean, it gets more hopeful, but it is a struggle I think for both her and the village.

I know its not a proper ficlet fill, dona, but hope you enjoyed this brain storm / meta anyway. :D

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lifeonashelf · 3 years

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COHEN, LEONARD

So, here’s the thing: I don’t know anything about Leonard Cohen.

I do own two of his most acclaimed albums, but don’t get too excited. I bought both of them the week of Cohen’s passing solely because learning of his passing made me realize I didn’t have anything by him in my collection, and he’s always been on my radar as an artist I should probably know some things about, you know? I listened to those two discs one day while I was cleaning my apartment or something, and they were lovely and pleasant and sounded great, but then I filed them away on my shelf and that was essentially the extent of my immersion into the world of Leonard Cohen. I know the reissues I purchased are noteworthy entries in his discography, because they’re housed in these rather attractive hardcover digipacks with booklets that feature lengthy contextual essays written by people way smarter than me. I suppose I could read those essays and glean a little information about Cohen that way, but then I’d just be offering you disingenuous regurgitation, and I don’t want to fake anything in these pages; that’s kind of counteractive to the entire purpose of me writing these dumb things. So if you want to read a thoughtful essay about Leonard Cohen constructed by someone who I assume knows enough about Leonard Cohen to warrant being paid to write an essay about him, you should definitely seek out the striking deluxe editions of Songs From a Room and Songs of Love and Hate I’m referring to, because both have essays in them, and they’re printed on glossy paper so they’re probably pretty good (very few crappy essays get preserved on glossy paper).

No one is paying me to write this essay about Leonard Cohen—they’d be pretty stupid to do so, since I don’t know anything about Leonard Cohen—but I have that pair of records and he’s the next artist on alphabetical deck. So here we are.

Actually, you know what? Before we get started, I’m going to go ahead and advise you to just skip this piece altogether.

Hear me out. I can’t imagine this is going to be one of my better entries; considering my not knowing anything about the person I’m supposed to be writing about and all, the odds of my somehow summoning literary gold here aren’t particularly strong. Also, Leonard Cohen is a highly respected artist, and based on the listening I’m doing right now, he definitely deserves that respect—I’m on my second spin of Songs from a Room and it is an absolutely beautiful record. But what am I accomplishing by telling you that? You probably already know Songs From a Room is an absolutely beautiful record, and if you don’t, you should totally listen to it right this minute instead of reading anything I might observe about it, because the album is a whole lot better than this essay is going to be. I’ve been down this road before, so I can tell you exactly what’s about to happen here: I’m going to keep prattling on with gibberish just like this and end up embarrassing myself by blowing yet another chance to write something substantial about a substantial artist. I guess I could comment on how much I like the two Cohen songs that were used to bookend the mindfuck of a film Natural Born Killers or something, but what purpose will that serve? There, I commented on it, and biting into those ‘member berries hasn’t magically ignited some spirited dissertation, has it? Look, I’m saying this because I care: I really think you should call it quits on this piece right here and now, before you get in too deep. I’m already doomed, but it’s not too late to save yourself. Run, go, get to the choppah. Fly away, Clarice, fly fly fly. ‘Member?

Okay, you’ve been duly warned. So if you do decide to continue on, I’m not going to feel terribly bad about wasting your time, especially since I essentially just promised you anything I write from this point forward is going to be a waste of your time. I mean, everything I’ve written so far has also been a waste of your time, but I haven’t written that much yet. And at least the stuff I wrote so far has served a purpose: it cautioned you that everything to come is going to be an even bigger waste of your time. I can’t promise any of the supplemental paragraphs I’m about to compose will be worth even that much, so I really have to advise you to take a moment here and consider your situation carefully. Weighing everything I’ve just told you about my not knowing anything about Leonard Cohen (and, just to be clear, I’m not playfully minimizing that disposition; I honestly don’t know shit about him), along with my stated unambiguous surety that I am about to waste an indefinite amount of your time (you must be familiar with my work by now; it’s totally plausible this thing could end up running 15 pages)—do you really want to read any of more of this? It’s still not too late to back out. Your time investment thus far is minimal. You can just move right along to the next piece (it’s about Coldplay, so I’m sure that essay is going to be way funnier than this one). My feelings won’t be hurt, I promise. I can hardly fault you for not reading this, because there isn’t any reason at all you should read this. Unless you just really enjoy reading these entries in general, but that seems highly unlikely because nobody enjoys reading them—shit, I only enjoy every fifth one or so, and I write the fucking things.

Check it out: usually by this point in a composition, I would be painstakingly rereading what I’ve written so far to make sure I’m off to an okay start, right? But I haven’t done that in this case because I already know everything I’ve written so far is garbage. This piece isn’t going to improve, either. And that’s what I’m really trying to get across to you here: I am woefully ill-equipped to write anything about Leonard Cohen that is as excellent as his music—I just listened to Songs of Love and Hate a couple times, and holy shit, that’s an absolutely beautiful record too. You may assume I’m continuing this obnoxious diatribe because I’m setting you up for some grand gag (granted, it’s a fair guess, because I’ve done that a few times in entries past). But I’m not joking when I say that I’m not joking in this instance. This rambling philological self-fellation is not going to coalesce into something worthwhile; it’s just going to go on and on like this until I decide I’m done fucking with you and then this essay will just sort of… end, without preamble or satisfaction. I’m telling you, if you keep reading this, you are going to be super pissed off when you finish it. You’ll get to the conclusion, and you’ll grumble, “That’s it…? That was stupid.” And you will be right, because that will be it and it will be stupid.

Since that will be transpiring soon, we should probably clarify that at this point, when it does it’s going to be entirely your fault. If you go all the way back to the beginning of this twaddle, you’ll clearly see the very first thing I wrote was, “So, here’s the thing: I don’t know anything about Leonard Cohen.” That was the opening fucking sentence, dude. Seriously, what did you think was going to happen after that? And only a few lines later, I wrote: “I’m going to go ahead and advise you to just skip this piece altogether.” Then came that whole part about how reading this was going to be a total waste of your time, blah blah blah. You can check if you want; it’s all totally in there. I’m sure you didn’t think I’d be reprinting complete sentences you already read—and, you know what, yes, that’s kind of a low blow, I’m realizing now—but after I took the time to explain in detail that this essay would likely end up serving no purpose whatsoever, surely that must have given you pause. I mean, didn’t you think to yourself, “Wait a minute, before I read this essay, is it going to serve some purpose?” As I’ve made abundantly clear, the answer is: No. No, it is not. I was pretty up front about that. In fact, I specifically told you not to read it—“there isn’t any reason at all you should read this”; is that ringing a bell at all? So if you are still reading it, that’s kind of on you, dude. Sure, I could have stopped writing a long time ago and spared you from all of this bullshit, but let’s not get caught up in semantics.

Have you seen the movie Reservoir Dogs? I’m assuming you have, but if you haven’t, you can add that to the list of far more fulfilling things you could be doing right now instead of reading this essay. Anyway, the film is centered around the aftermath of a jewelry store robbery gone horrifically wrong. We don’t actually see the caper take place, but the characters reference it enough along the way for us to get a clear sense of things devolving into a bloodbath after one of the robbers, Mr. Blonde (played by Michael Madsen) shoots numerous people inside the establishment. Is it coming back to you now? Good. There’s a reason I’m bringing this up.

Since Madsen is absent for a lot of the movie, the audience’s understanding of the storyline relies mostly on what the characters played by Steve Buscemi and Harvey Keitel share with us about what has occurred. Their perspective is clear: Mr. Blonde went crazy and started killing people, and that’s why the whole heist went tits up. However, when Madsen finally appears at the warehouse where the bulk of the plot’s action takes place, he presents an entirely different assessment of the exact same incident. It is here that the movie shifts into the subtle employment of a narrative device known as the “Rashomon Effect,” so-named because this formula’s introduction to Western film-goers is commonly credited to the 1950 Akira Kurosawa film Rashomon—a picture which we can assume in hindsight Reservoir Dogs creator Quentin Tarantino was consciously invoking since his filmography has since revealed a heart-on-sleeve fandom for the work of that storied Japanese director (several Tarantino flicks make reference to this allegiance, but his Kill Bill films in particular are at their core unashamed modern reimaginings of Kurosawa’s legendary Samurai epics). I won’t recount the entire plot of Rashomon, since doing so would be superfluous here (as opposed to all of this shit I’m writing about Reservoir Dogs, which is obviously vitally important to this essay about Leonard Cohen). All you really need to know for our purposes is that the crux of the story is a singular event which is assigned completely disparate interpretations by the various people in the film who witness it. Which is precisely what happens when Michael Madsen makes his entrance.

Now, I’ve seen Reservoir Dogs many times, but not enough times to have the dialogue faithfully memorized; you’ll have to forgive me if I paraphrase a bit here. Essentially, Keitel’s character calls Mr. Blonde a “maniac” or something to that effect, a designation based on Madsen’s character opening fire upon one of the store’s clerks for what Keitel perceives as “no reason at all.” Madsen’s response to this slanted accusation is fascinating. In direct repudiation of his labelling as a “maniac” seconds before, he continues calmly drinking his soda as he amends Keitel’s analysis of the murder by providing a remarkably lucid and utilitarian explanation for the killing: “I told her not to press the alarm, but she did. If she hadn’t done the thing that I told her not to do, then I wouldn’t have shot her.”

It seems we are sharing our own Rashomon moment, my friends. You may feel like your time has been wasted, and it certainly has. But I am not the one who wasted it. That was you. I told you not to read this essay, but you did. If you hadn’t done the thing I told you not to do…

Mr. Cohen: I am truly sorry. Your music is stunning, and you deserve far better than this.

As for the rest of you: I mean, dude, I fucking told you.

March 31, 2019

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mr--clown · 4 years

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Two heads are better than one

Request: “Can you write Arthur with chronic migraines?”

God, @disabledwarriorwriter thank you very much for your patience!! I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. The song is “Ha! Ha! Said the clown” by Manfred Mann; but I had in mind the tune of “Send in the clowns” sksksks Idkw This is pure fluff (and slight angst at the beggining), so I hope I have fulfilled your request the right way, otherwise let me know and I will gladly modify it.

Also, sorry my English is more basic than H2O, I’m still learning. Here you go!

Word count: 1450

Arthur hates to worry you, he always tries to act like everything’s okay and whenever he has a migraine episode, he runs to the bathroom as soon as possible. But sometimes it is impossible for you not to notice…

“This whole thing is ridiculous, Arthur, it’s pathetic. What were you thinking, for God’s sake!?!?”

Arthur remained silent, his headache had been killing him since the morning and Hoyt’s screams made everything worse, even making him want to throw up.

Today, his migraine episodes were stronger than usual, the pain had been so sharp that he couldn’t help but have a fit in the middle of a children’s party, causing all the kids to panic and start crying as well. The result? Angry, creeped out parents yelling at him. Oh, and Hoyt speaking to him as if he was retarded:

“Do you even understand what the fuck I’m saying? I swear I’m wasting my time with your dented brain. Look, I’ll make it simple: I DON’T WANT to put up with this kinda bullshit again, got it?”

Screams and more screams, Arthur grimaced feeling he couldn’t ignore the pain.

“What? Are you going to cry? Pfft, not in my office, get outta here, I don’t have anything else for you.”

But Arthur didn’t move a muscle to leave, he stood there with his head down, stroking his arm to comfort himself.

“What ya waiting for, asshole!?!?”

“My paycheck…” He mumbled as he felt a sudden turn in the stomach, fearing for the answer.

Hoyt just laughed and leaned back in his chair: “You kiddin’, right?”

Art smiled uneasy, stroking his arm non-stop, trying to imagine it was your hand soothing him: “No, it’s just I thought that… uhh… since I worked… since I worked really hard during the week, I thought that…”

“Arthur, Arthur…shut the fuck up, k? You should be thankful I didn’t fire you; now get the hell outta here before I do it, freak.”

“Freak” Ugh, he hated when Hoyt used that word, it made his head rumble with helplessness. And the bouncing of the bus only made it worse.

When he finally came home, he hesitated an eternity in front of the door: “How are you going to explain that Hoyt didn’t pay you? She will find out you’re a loser.” Ugh, if his head didn’t hurt so much, he might think of some not-so-self-humiliating way of telling you.

…

As soon as you heard the door opening, you ran to meet him:

“Arthur!! You’re home early today!!”

“Y/N, I want…I have to-to tell you something important.”

You frowned, a little concerned about the earnestness you noticed in his words.

“Uhmmm, okay…? I hear you, hun. What do you have to tell m–”

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

You chuckled a bit at his “confession” and the weird way he said it.

“You know you can go, love. In the meantime, I’ll serve dinner so try not to take too much time there, okay?”

Arthur nodded his face full of concern and walked towards the bathroom, but the throbbing pain that had been increasing since the morning, reached its limit and made him feel so dizzy that he lost his balance and faded on the floor, legs trembling, holding himself vaguely on the center table.

“ARTHUR!! ARE YOU OKAY?!?”

At your screams, Arthur immediately grabbed his head, feeling his brain bounce off his skull. That’s when you realized what was going on:

“Arthur, please tell me that you DID take the pills for your migraines.” You scolded as you helped him get up and guided him to bed.

Artie started to chuckle while you were taking off his shoes, which made you feel like maybe you were pushing him too hard.

“SoHA.. soHA..soHAHAHArry..HAHAHA..” He couldn’t hold back his thunderous laughter, which just made his head hurt more.

“HOYHAHA..HOYT..HAHACHHG” He was choking on trying to explain, so he brought both hands to his throat, looking desperate.

“Artie, it’s okay love, you have to calm down, don’t talk, breathe with m..”

“MY PAHAY… HE DIHAHAHA…HE DIDN’T..” Despite how unintelligible his sounds were, you understood what your Arthur meant, so you tried to put him to bed and ran for his pill.

When you returned he was curled up in a fetal position, his attack had not stopped, but he drowned it covering his head in the pillows, full of shame.

You approached him and noticed that he was burying his nails in the pillows, you couldn’t even imagine the intensity of the headache he was having.

“Love, take your pill, it will make you feel better.” You insisted, stroking his back softly.

He swallowed it and turned to see you, with fear in each of his gestures:

“I won’t make it through the night, Y/N.” He confessed, sobbing and wiping his tears with his sleeves.

“Art, don’t say that, silly, you’ll be fine…” But you doubted your words a bit, seeing your Arthur like this was killing you too.

…

So, you laid down next to him and hugged his head burning with fever, giving him a thousand kisses that allowed you to smell the fresh and peculiar scent of his mane.

You started to gently brush his hair back with your fingers, while he dipped his head into your stomach as if the heat of your body gave him some kind of relief.

You entwined your fingers between his soft brown locks and brought your lips close to his ear as much as you could to whisper to him in a peaceful tone:

♬♫♬ “Feeling low…” ♬♫♬ Then, you caressed his ear with your fingertips, still feeling him sob against your abdomen.

♬♫♬ “Gotta go, see a show in town..” ♬♫♬ You rub his silk lobe with your thumb and continue, smiling slightly:

♬♫♬ “Hear the jokes, have a smoke, and a laugh at the clown” ♬♫♬

♬♪ “In… a…. whirl..” ♬ He utters in a shaky voice, sniffing, you can feel his warm breath against your navel, even when you have your blouse on.

♬♫ “See a girl with a smile in her eyes, never thought I’d be brought right down” ♬♪

♬♪♭♩ “By her lies” ♬♪♭♩ You sing in chorus and it’s almost as if you can hear him smile, which makes you smile too.

You pause, here comes Arthur’s favorite part:

♬♫♬ “Grab the coat” ♬♫♬ And you slide your hand with some panache through his jacket

♬♫♬ “Grab my hat” ♬♫♬ And you give two gentle taps on his head with your index finger, making him giggle a little bit.

♬♫♬ “Look that girl in the eye” ♬♫♬ You command him and raise his face with your hand under his chin.

He smiles at you and continues excited the song, out of tune with how torn his voice is:

♬♯♬ “Where’s your home, what’s your phone number, *ahem* sorry..” He realized how awful he sounded, so he took refuge in your belly again.

♬♫♬ “Stop fooling ‘round, could have died, she replied..” ♬♫♬

You hug his head again to calm him down and plant a long kiss on his warm scalp, now comes the end and your favorite phrase, so your tone softens even more:

♬♪ “…I’m the wife of the clo–” ♬♪

♬♪ “Carnivaaal..” ♬♪ He whispered with his eyes closed, helping you finish the song according to him, hidden in your arms.

He raised his face only to look you in the eye: his messy hair made him look more tender than usual, his face looked tired but his eyes had a special shine, it was as if they were smiling at you.

“You know, Y/N”

He murmured and paused, admitting it was difficult because despite all the love you showed him, there was always that latent fear in his mind that you would realize how pathetic he is and then leave, like his father, like everybody…

“One day I’ll make you my wife”

He finally sentenced, smiling at you proudly, and immediately afterward buried his face in your stomach, feeling shy and vulnerable.

“Like the clown of the song”

He yawned with full happiness, hugging your legs as if they were his teddy bear and letting his eyes surrender to the tiredness that invaded every part of his fragile, worn-out body.

A tear ran down your cheek, Arthur always found a way to make you fall deeper in love with him, every day. And you, you would sing until he understood that you’re there for him, that his problems are also yours, that he doesn’t have to live his grief in solitude anymore, that you two could overcome everything together, because two heads are better than one.

#arthur fleck #joker #carnival #joker fandom #joker phoenix #joaquin phoenix #am I writing about heads again #sure!#request #arthur fleck x you #arthur fleck x yn #arthur fleck fanfic #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck imagine #joker movie #joker imagine #joker arthur fleck #mr clown

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theheightofdishonor · 4 years

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Top 10 Battles in the Metal Saga (in no particular order)

Kyoya-Ryuga

There aren’t many battles that are just about raw power the way this one is. The whole thing is just so extra, from ruining the stadium before the battle even begins to ending with Ryuga’s possession and Kyoya passing out with a dragon’s tail going through his chest. The power-play between these two is riveting. And on top of that, it’s the closest anyone but Gingka and Nemesis ever gets to beating Ryuga. However, it does annoy me that Kyoya is the only one of Ryuga’s opponents in Battle Bladers who comes out unaffected in the long-term. After their respective battles, Hikaru retires from Beyblade, Tsubasa suffers with possession, and both experience a healthy dose of PTSD but apparently, Kyoya gets away with no signs of it? I call bullshit.

2.Da Xian - Julian

If you didn’t love Da Xiang before, you had to after this battle. It did a brilliant job of highlighting how good Dashan is at manipulating people, and doing so “coolly, and brilliantly”. Dashan sees the scene as the opportunity it is and coaxes Julian from a disheartened shell of his former self to someone who’s willing to try again without the man even knowing. Oh, and he gets Julian to appreciate the value of his friends too. And beats him in battle easily. And delivers, “You think you and I are alike? That’s an insult, ” decimating Julian’s remaining pride. Talk about being cool. (Chao Xin should definitely take pointers)

3. Gingka vs 100 (supposedly) Face Hunters

I had a hard time choosing between this and the battle earlier in the episode where Gingka first saves Kenta from Face Hunters, but I think this holds more impact and the one Kenta thinks is more notable. As a fight itself, it’s short compared to some of the other more epic battles on this list, and its placement is more about the consequences of it than the contents of the actual battle itself. It’s the moment where Kenta’s admiration for Gingka really cements, and the moment that Kyoya takes a serious interest in him, shaping his relationship with two people who will be monumental in his life. Also, Gingka looks super cool and baby Kenta is adorable.

4. Excalibur-Gan Gan Galaxy

This battle has one of my favourite scenes of ALL TIME- Masamune single-handedly cutting through Sophie and Wales’s joint special move. Let me just take a second to gush about how powerful he is and how much I love him and how he deserves so much more love and did I mention he stopped the twins in their track with ONE MOVE. Your fave could never but if I don’t stop now, i’ll be talking about Masamune all day.

The visual of Pegasus and Striker moving as one force, with the music crescendoing only for Destroyer to cut them down at the climax, is breathtaking. Seriously, I’ve watched that one scene on repeat and my breath catches.

I love to see Masamune and Gingka work together as a team, especially because it’s not their preferred dynamic and it doesn’t always come easily to them. But when they try, they’re magic together, partially because they’re so alike. This is the only battle where we get the full force of the Y-Masamune-Gingka dynamic, a god-tier trio who can only possess one brain cell when they’re together because otherwise, they’d be way too strong. Let’s be real. If these morons actually combined their intelligence, they would have crushed Excalibur to dust. We need more scenes with them tbh

As a side note, it was not at all ok for these guys to crash the festival or for Yu to ruin a culturally important arena. It’s played off way to lightheartedly for my tastes. It’s not even the only time they’re insensitive- in Fury, Yu and Kyoya damage ancient ruins and Gingka’s group explicitly disobeys orders to not step on a sacred volcano. The whole thing is kinda gross and the Metal Saga should address its serious disregard for other cultures. Sophie losing her shit on a literal 12 year old was funny though.

5. The Legendary Bladers-Nemesis part 2

This is a pretty long battle, I linked it to where the battle begins but it doesn’t end until the end of the next episode. There’s a lot about this battle that drives me crazy- like why are you people just letting Kenta destroy himself, why are the strongest bladers in the world who were specifically chosen for this battle unable to withstand for more than two hits, etc BUT- this is when Ryuga hands over the Star Fragment which is cool and emotional enough to let everything else slide. It’s a pretty satisfying conclusion to the Kenta-Ryuga arc and rings parallel to Metal Fusion down to Ryuga pulling a Storm Pegasus and disappearing into thin air.Which talking about, I will forever be mad Storm Pegasus doesn’t ever come into play after Metal Fusion. Shogun Steel would have been such a perfect time to bring Storm Pegasus back to play and assure in a new era- such wasted potential, but I digress.

Oh, and friendly reminder that Yu’s Inferno Blast breaks through Rago’s barrier while 8 Legendary Bladers combined couldn’t leave a dent on Nemesis.

6. Kenta-Reiji

Talking about emotional, if you didn’t cry during this battle, you’re a liar- it’s painful to watch. The entire thing with Kenta using Libra’s performance tip and his insistence that he has to win for Yu- it breaks your heart. Reiji is such a great villain because he does exactly what he’s meant to do- make the audience be invested in him. He’s so unnecessarily cruel, so irredeamable, and this episode drills that into your skull. Even the spectators of the match can’t look on as Reiji tortured Kenta well after Sagittario has stopped spinning.

7. Easter Island

It would take too long to name everyone involved in this, so i’m not going to. But boy is it a ride You’ve got King starting it off with Chris for insulting/defeating/humiliating Masamune- a noble cause if there ever was one. His impassioned defense of his boyfriend is one of the best speeches/declarations in the Saga and is also 80% of the reason this battle is on the list. The guy has his priorities straight, ok. Gingka says it’s either Masamune’s feelings or the world and King chooses Masamune, no questions, no hesitations. Can’t say I blame him. Especially after seeing the heartbreak on Masamune’s face when Chris insults him. But of course, the world is actually more important so

Gingka jumps in to stop King which as Benkai mentions, you can’t stop him from battling by actually battling him, so I don’t know what Gingka was thinking. Johannes’s lackies, including Aguma and the Beylin Fist, joins the battle, prompting Zeo, Toby, etc to also join. Then Ryuga appears and starts draining Chris’s power before Kenta stops him (thus publically revealing their affiliation to the world) and the two disappear. Literally everyone is involved, Johannes tells Chris to “man up” when he dares to show pain that Ryuga is literally stealing his power away but then vanishes because he doesn’t want to face Gingka head on yet. Can you say hypocrite? And while this was all happening, Johannes somehow managed to buy Chris’s loyalties.

It’s insane and so much fun.

8.Tsubasa-Jack

I didn’t expect to put this on the list but I watched it recently and had a newfound appreciation for it so here it is. While the team battle with Excalibur was the climax of Tsubasa’s arc, this was the resolution. It is arguably Tsubasa’s best battle of the series. He made his recovery with Excalibur, had a practice run with the Garcias, and by this battle, Tsubasa is better than ever. There’s a satisfaction in watching Tsubasa beat Jack with ease. After struggling the entire season, it's very cathartic. There’s this one bit where Jack is complaining about battling Ryuga and how Tsubasa can’t possibly know the disappointment he felt and Tsubasa snaps, because how fucking dare he, who the fuck did Jack think he is. Again, very cathartic.

Irrelevant, but this episode has some of the best quotes including gems like

“What is this? A bunch of creepy pictures”;

“Oh dear Tsubasa” queue Jack asking for a battle;

“You’re really lacking in the culture department” - Jack to Madoka, “

The rest of Gan-Gan Galaxy are common, unrefined types”.

The list never ends. Do yourself a favour and watch the episode.

9. Zoe-Toby-Masamune

This is the only season where there’s no one Final Battle but instead two separate climactic moments- Ryuga and Gingka working together to stop Hades City from melting down(?) and Toby and Zeo fighting to bring Toby back to normal.

Unlike the Finales in Fusion and Fury, this one’s private, personal. Not only were Ryuga-Gingka battle and the Battle against Nemesis attended by a lot of people, they were also widely broadcasted across the world. In comparison, Toby, Zeo and Masamune (and Ziggurat at one point) are the only ones to witness the Finale in Masters. It’s a very intimate moment. Their friendship is fractured-Toby's brainwashed, Zeo was manipulated, and there’s still tension because Masamune left them in a time of need. The two of them are finally confronting just how much their friendship has strained: Masamune never imagined Zeo would resent him when he only ever wanted to fulfill Toby’s wish; he’s almost offended Zeo would think so badly of him. On the other hand, Zeo wrestles between accepting Ziggurat manipulated him but also his very valid resentment towards Masamune. They both hurt each other but get past it and forgive each other for the sake of their best friend. Bey battles are when bladers communicate through each other and in this one, these three use it to find their way back to each other.

10.

Gingka-Kyoya

Of course, the list wouldn’t be complete without a Gingka-Kyoya battle. Despite Kyoya being Gingka’s second biggest rival, they only have 3 complete battles with a clear winner. (Kyoya is disqualified in Survival Battle, and neither won in the Championships Team battle or the one in Fury). Despite there being so few options, it was still hard for me to choose because they’re all brilliant and my opinion changes every other day.

Honestly, I didn’t remember why I chose this battle, so I went back in and re-watched it- SO many thoughts. For one thing, Kyoya sounds like a cheesy bat man villain. Seriously though, the battle feels so off to me because in this episode, Kyoya is more or less just another evil villain; a pale foreshadow of what Ryuga will become in the Final Battle. I’m not even kidding. This hits almost the exact beats that the Gingka-Ryuga battle will. I didn’t like this battle when I re-watched it for this post. Gingka and Kyoya’s battles are important because of the history and bond they share and in this battle, neither of those are solidified and it’s just not as satisfying.

I will admit though that this battle was important for them, mostly Kyoya who was headed towards unhinged-Ryuga territory before Gingka saved him. It kickstarts Kyoya into being the lovable grump we know he’s capable of being and creates a debt towards Gingka which in turn develops into an actual friendship. It’s an important step of their journey and I can’t begrudge it too much ig. If you really want to watch a Gingka-Kyoya battle for non-thematic reasons, though, I recommend the World Championships or the one in Metal Fury Ep 1

#metal saga #beyblade metal saga #gingka hagane #beyblade #metal fusion #metal masters #metal fury #beyblade metal fight #metal fight #kyoya tategami #kenta yumiya #ryuga

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widcwed-rasa · 4 years

Text

Note: this is part of Rasa’s now annual tradition to write her feelings out and “speak” to her deceased husband through letters she seals and hides away. Nobody knows about their existence. Read it at your discretion.

Khatanga - October 24th, 2120.

My dearest husband,

Two days have passed since the anniversary of your death, and this year has been turbulent, to say the least. After years of watching my parents giving me sideways glances and whispering things behind my back when they thought I was out of earshot, I decided it was finally time for me to go away. They've been pressuring me to come out of my shell for so long that I believed giving them what they wanted would mean I would get a break. I was wrong.

This Khatanga experiment seems fucked up if you ask me. I understand why our parents are concerned about our safety, but throwing us all in the same place didn't sound like the smartest idea. I wish you could be here with me. You would understand what I'm talking about, though I can't say there haven't been interesting moments. I won't get ahead of myself here. Let me try to recount things as chronologically as I can.

Ausra and I made our way here together. I suppose our parents either assumed the two of us together would make this transition easier on me, or they decided she was ready to be pushed into a marriage. Whichever scenario, the result will probably be the same. And since Daina has recently arrived here as well, I imagine we'll soon all be facing the same circumstance, but so far, it's just been me.

I guess one of the first few things that happened after we arrived was stumbling into Maggie one night. You remember her, right? She's been a little crestfallen over the idea of seeing Matthias around here more often than anyone would have wished to see their ex. It's understandable, and her feelings are valid, I just don't know why anyone would make her suffer. To make matters worse, I believe Matty might be oblivious to it, which kinda makes me want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. They don't have a clue how lucky they are that things ended when they did. I keep telling people that love brings nothing but pain. Nobody believes me. No one ever seems to comprehend why I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I've just been trying to warn them. Nevertheless, I did for Maggie what any good friend should do. Actually, maybe I've done a bit more than that, but you know me. I cannot see a pretty girl upset without lending them a helping hand— or whatever else they might require. You'll be glad to hear that we have rekindled our estranged friendship, and now it's probably at the best point it's ever been.

I think it might have been at the end of May. Or was it the beginning of June?! I can't remember it too well. Anyway, it was just shortly after our arrival as well when I received a letter from mama with news that would change my life forever. Not right away, no, because I preferred to block it all out and pretend it had never happened. I thought if I could simply ignore it, therefore it couldn't be true. My world of fantasy crumbled just weeks later, and, as usual, it happened in the worst way possible.

When I agreed to come to Russia, I thought my parents would allow me a breathing moment without having to hear about my next marriage. It's still too weird to consider it, or the fact that it's really in motion. Overall, I'm surprised they managed to find a family that was willing to take me in as their daughter. Let's be honest, the past couple of years have been far from my most gracious times, and it's not as if I'm making any effort to change that. So why? Why would anyone want to associate their son with someone like me? My therapist would say I put myself down as self-sabotage. Well, I never saw her in any great rush to marry me and prove me wrong!

Anyway, my parents have been able to settle the terms of my betrothal with Eamon O'Rourke of Ireland. He's not the first in line for the throne— thank goodness for that! Can you imagine what it would be like if I were the queen of any place? —, he's younger than I am by a few years— his twin sister is one of Ausra's best friends. Maybe I should try to see if she's involved in this somehow —, and he has this shocking head of red hair that's pretty much the first thing you ever notice about him. It seems a little bit like Ausra's hair, but with a little more of an orange undertone, like the sky during sunset after a long period of drought. And... I slept with his older brother a few years ago, a piece of information he took surprisingly well, I might add.

As it habitually happens to me, when we met, or more accurately, when he snuck up on me, I made a fool out of myself. First impressions have never been my forte. You would find the entire thing hilarious, and the problem is: so did I. Not hilarious, or funny, but you know I have this proclivity for smiling or laughing when I get nervous, and I laughed for long minutes. It probably felt even longer for him. He deserves someone a tad more tactful. Instead, he got stuck with me. Eventually, we sorted that out. We seem to have a lot of dark things in common. The sort of things that would make most people run for the hills without ever looking back. If he hasn't found a deal-breaker in the past couple of days, there's a chance all this darkness in me isn't triggering to him, and this wedding might end up happening. I'm scared. And don't give me one of those bullshit speeches about facing our fears. I want to be able to chicken out like the good coward that I am.

Since our meeting was far from ideal, I thought it called for reparation. So I looked for him during the masquerade event so we might have more of a chance to talk and get to know one another. We drank and asked a bunch of questions. As it turns out, we both prefer to live in the country, and we might move to Italy after we're married, and his sister also is. Oh, and he's a cat person. Do you think I could have a cat...? Our drinking game went better than I thought it would. Maybe it could be our thing.

While here, I also had the chance to spend more time around Maggie's brother, Ivan. Nothing about our rendezvous was expected, and I must say it took a peculiar turn. Maggie invited me for tea one afternoon, but she didn't show. Instead, Ivan came around for the same reason: meeting his sister there. We quickly came to the conclusion it wasn't an accident that we were both there. Maggie had pulled those strings. I'm still not sure why. Perhaps Ivan got to the bottom of that situation, and I should ask him. The idea of spending my afternoon sipping tea with someone I barely knew wasn't among my favorite activities, and I doubt it figured among his as well. There were probably more interesting things a crown prince could be doing, but him producing a flask of whatever booze from a pocket helped with our bonding process. Immensely. With a snap of the fingers, we became acquainted with the other one's flirtatious sides, building up a tension I didn't even know existed between us. He instigated my curiosity, and I hate to admit that he had me hanging on every word just to see what would follow. I'd like to think stumbling into me also wasn't the most conventional thing that's ever occurred to him. There might be some other buttons to push or undo there. I don't know which ones yet, and I might be willing to go ahead and do that. Eventually. It's something that will come to me.

Now, let me circle back to the masquerade ball we had... So many things happened. I don't even know where to start. A few days before the party, we received letters telling us that the organization had picked out dates for everyone. f I already had my doubts about attending, giving me an obligation while I was at it wasn't how anyone would convince me I would have a nice time. My pair for the evening was Prince Callister from Greece. A very superman sort of man. Seriously, the guy looks like some artisan sculpted him in marble. As polite as polite could be. In fact, if politeness ever had a picture in the dictionary, he would be there with a smile upon his face. After fulfilling our mandatory duty, I didn't want to keep him for longer. Life's too short for us not to do what we want to do, and the man is clearly besotted with his fiancée. What a rookie mistake. Therefore, he wasn't my type.

After I freed Callister from his obligation, I sought for things I could do while I was still there, otherwise, the evening would have been a waste of my time and a beautiful dress— Oh my God, I sounded just like Day! Never tell her that! —although terrible shoes. It was how I came across the Devil. Or, well, that's how he first introduced himself, and it led to such a frustrating experience.

He invited me to dance. I could never turn down something like that. Especially not when it already felt like something I hadn't done in forever. So we danced, and we talked, and we teased enough to feel like maybe we should have been doing something other than just dancing. We kissed, and things heated up quickly. The way he was touching me made it clear he wanted more. I wanted more. Unfortunately, being too honest sometimes has its problems. I told him there was a lot about the past couple of years that I couldn't remember, and he decided to use that information against me so he could leave me wanting more. He told me that was the best way to make sure someone was memorable. Can you believe that?! He dared me to find him afterward, which would be a lot easier if we had exchanged names or anything like that. Now I'm stuck with a vague sense of recognition, a challenge, and curiosity. It's terrible!

You will be proud to hear that I've made a new friend. And, of course, that happened in the least predictable way possible. She drenched the hem of my skirts with champagne. She was mortified when it happened. I was more along the lines of amused. Sure, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have found it as endearing if she wasn't stunning. And those eyes... Those eyes, I tell you. They look like they're staring right into your soul. Sarika is a sweet woman, and she's also been through a lot. No wonder we seemed to attract each other. There might be a couple of things I could teach her as well, after all, I've been doing this mourning thing for eight years now. I've picked up some stuff here and there. If people want to give me those pity eyes, the least they should expect is for me to use that for something. This can't just be the kind of situation in which only I lose. Sometimes we need to try leveling that playfield, and it's something I know I can help her. We might be the only ones who are truly able to understand how the other feels. She was even willing to be here with me when I just wanted the whole world to be gone. I like her. I'm keeping her.

The masquerade had some intriguing twists and turns, but I suppose running into Valentin of Austria had a riveting turn out. Maybe I've read him completely wrong from our first few meetings. When we first crossed paths back in spring, he seemed like the sort of man who held back a lot. He always seemed to dodge and skirt around things he truly wanted to do, and I don't know why he'd have such reservations. Anyway, I convinced him to steal a bottle of booze for us to share. It didn't take a lot of persuading, which is probably what led me to believe there are things he wants to do, but he's reluctant. During the event, when I saw him, there were two things he wanted to do: go up on stage and sing and kiss me. I wasn't going to wait and see whether I win or lose a bet to kiss someone, so I did just that before he even had the chance to finish his proposition. Still, he went on stage anyway for his rendition of Britney Spears. I thought it was an odd choice, but it isn't my place to judge. My karaoke songs aren't what others would call conventional either. Maybe I was a little upset over the fact that he had already gotten the girl, but I had to cut my losses. When does life ever go the way I want it anyway?! He sang. We kissed. It was a win-win situation. Making out with him had unanticipated results, and he was far more willing to move past the boundaries of decency than I thought he'd be. Sure, he first freaked me out when he talked to me about love, but once we pushed past that obstacle, everything was great. He might turn into a friend with benefits. We'll see.

I saw Eamon again the other day. You know how I tend to shut myself in around this time of the year, and there are far more people here than I would have wanted to deal with when I'm in my right state of mind. When everything goes south, I push everyone away. I can be especially hard to handle during those episodes, and it was worse when I felt suffocated in a place where so many people seemed to have such easy access to me. So I bribed a maid to give me the location of a spot most people wouldn't think of looking for me: Eamon's room. Most people know how I feel about our contract betrothal. Ausra's still under the assumption our meeting went fabulously wrong— I'll tell her about it eventually —so no one would have reason to look for me there. I had already been there before a few times. He was never there. It was just a calm place for me to be when the world became too much. I don't generally touch anything, just sit or lie down in the most complete silence until my demons are appeased, and I feel like circling back to my room. But this time, he showed up while I was at it. I cannot begin to imagine how odd it must have been for him to open that door and find a woman he'd met like yesterday sobbing on his bed. It's hard to tell how he'll respond to what he encountered now that he's had the time to process everything, so I suppose I'll just have to wait to find out what the future has in store there.

I feel like this concludes my reports on the most impressive things that have happened to me lately, which means we're reaching the end of this.

I'll see you whenever I have more things to tell, well, you know how this goes.

Truthfully,

Rasa.

P.S.: I saw a man with his daughter the other day. She’s seven. That seems to have brought me way too many feelings I wasn’t prepared for. So, fuck you very much for putting the plans of having children inside my head all those years ago.

#{These things I'll never say || letters}#{How do I get closer to you when you keep it all on mute || Ausra}#tbt:Daina #tbt:Eamon #tbt:Ivan #tbt:Maggie #tbt:Matthias #tbt:Valentin #{For the record it's between you and I || Gio}#{But now we're rocking on the dance floor acting naughty || Sarika}#tbt:Callister #tbt:Theo

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the-moon-at-zenith · 4 years

Text

‘in 5-10 years I will have ...’ or a happiness potion

TL;DR

Being happy is a state which is more or less the same for everyone: feeling you belong and knowing you’re fulfilled. Happiness is not about tricking yourself into believing that shit is the fairytale you’ve always dreamed to live in. Seek help. Get out of that dark place.

Achievements can’t make the state of happiness last as it gradually fades away all the time, so the race never stops. Being happy and being perceived happy & successful from aside are not the same thing.

Happiness is not achieved but nurtured. That means you do things that you BOTH can enjoy right now AND will enjoy to have done in the past when you look at today from the future’s perspective.

Still, having too many things on your hands can take the enjoyment away, so that’s the balance point for you.

(And I’m not saying that’s gonna be easy. I mean, like every science, potion making is both an art and a skill, which boils down to practice.)

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Now let me blabber.

A student of mine asked me what I thought the sense of being was. Now, as a person who’d experienced 10 years of suffering from depression (and not having a clue about it as it often happens), I’d say that even a year ago this question would have shredded me into pieces. For somebody as lost as I used to be, thinking about it is a special kind of torture.

But now I think I got the answer for myself, which I still needed to dwell upon a bit in order to come to some sort of a point that makes sense without any but’s.

Let’s start with an initial trivial but still pretty sane idea: the sense of being is to be happy.

Now, what does ‘happy’ even mean? It’s not really a goal, is it? There are things that make us happy, and those vary from person to person. But being happy is a state which is more or less the same for everyone. Being happy is feeling you belong to the place, job, friends, partners, family, activities, etc. To yourself even. It’s knowing you’re fulfilled.

The trick here is to ask the right question. The usual question is,

“What makes me happy?”

I sure can say watching cats do silly stuff makes me happy. I’m even sure it’s gonna make me happy in ten year’s time as well. Unless that’s all I ever do.

Now it’s time for a secret ingredient: time. A long-term perspective (which I usually suck at, there, I said it). As dreadful as it might seem, the right question might be,

“If I fast-forward to myself 5-10 years from now, what do present_I want the future_I to have accomplished?”

I don’t like it, either. Is it the achievers’ attitude that sounds so off to me? In the course of therapy, I adopted the ‘little steps’ approach, which really helped me not to feel I was a complete failure at life.

Comparing yourself to others is usually a big deal for a person with a mental illness, especially if the disease struck in your teens. Everyone around you has some aspirations, dreams, ambitions, they seem so put together while in the best case scenario you just don’t want anything and are called lazy, advised to go to the gym or start meditating, or find a partner, or some other nonsense. Understanding and embracing that I was not a failure but an ill individual was relieving.

Next step was to accept that my worth did no longer depend on a list of achievements. I actually had quite an impressive one, my mom was proud. The problem there was that I really just felt nothing about it. I couldn’t care less, tbh. And that’s when I realized that I’d been fed bullshit all. that. time.

I don’t want to think of my happiness as of something perceived happy and successful from aside.

Coming back to the question, I wouldn’t at all be happy with the “I'll have bought a car/a flat” perspective cos it's not about my growth as a person. It’s about working my ass off and having a two-week holiday which I’m not even able to enjoy (depression at the mic here because I’d definitely be depressed af if I had to pull that shit off. again.)

I mean, it would definitely feel great to have my own apartment. No more thinking about rent, at least. But being a millennial in a post-soviet country? Ha-ha-ha! No, thanks, I don’t want to have literally anything to do with that mortgage thing and stuff alike.

Regards to achievements, you might know from your own experience that however happy you are about some event or success in your life, it fades away. Obviously, happiness is never something constant or forever lasting once achieved. It’s not even achieved, it’s nurtured.

And I don’t mean it in a ‘change your attitude’ way. Sometimes (more often than not, actually), shit is shit, however you call it, so trying to make yourself think of it as if it were unicorn’s rainbow glitter poop doesn’t make it any less shitty than it is. The best way to deal with that is going away from the shit source as far as possible. As they say, if you can’t run, walk, can’t walk - then crawl, can’t crawl - lie in the chosen direction.

It’s not only about mental illnesses. Seek help, that’s the best advice I can give, I guess. I’m not a psychotherapist myself, so off to the point. (Almost, sorry. I’m trying to be cohesive and coherent.)

What I really mean by saying that happiness is nurtured is that the perfect mix is having in mind both today and tomorrow. And 5-10 years later (maybe).

Okay, this is a ‘one year and a half in remission’ me talking. 10 years were literally stolen from me. It hasn’t made me stronger or better, I could’ve lived happily without this experience. But it is as it is, and I can’t change it. What I do have in my hands though is today and tomorrow. Something that will have become my new past. I want to feel good about my past for a change, so I’m gonna create one I’ll be happy with.

That first brought me to the point where I’d dived into everything all at once (it’s a trap of initial recovery, especially after having lived years as a walking dead). I’d been so thirsty for life I couldn’t remember to have had that I tried to have my fingers in all pies possible. Which resulted in me feeling like a newbie equilibrist trying to juggle three apples, five lit up torches and a living tiger while on a monocycle balancing on a rope hung 20 meters above a bottomless pit without a safe net. And genuinely expecting to pull it off. No kidding.

That said, the change you might bring into your life doesn't have to be extreme and all-or-nothing because there's a danger of finding yourself being so overanxious about balancing everything out that you actually forget to enjoy it. And it might just mess you up psychologically.

So, it’s time for another secret ingredient!

Let’s face it, the world might end all at once with no final warning. So, while having some plans for the future, enjoy yourself right here and right now in a way that also corresponds to your global values, self-image, aspirations and dreams.

Now, The Ultimate Question to ask yourself:

“If I fast-forward to myself 5-10 years from now, what do present_I want the future_I to have lived like through that time?” What will make me feel good about myself? The beauty of that question is in the fact that it takes now into account.

That question makes me stick to things and habits that actually do me good. Stick to activities that bring me not closer but into the 'happy and fulfilled (almost) every day' version of me rather than the 'I wish I'd spent all that time differently but now it's too late to catch up' version.

Happiness is everyday magick. Might not look astonishing and flashy at first sight but it actually pays off in the ways you sometimes can’t even imagine. I mean, even two years ago I couldn’t. I used to think happiness was a disease. Until I found out it’s a drug but that’s another story.

Take proper care of yourself, you, the hero who made it this far through this horrifyingly long entry.

#the ultimate question of life the universe and everything #potion making #witches of tumblr #witch #witches get depressed too #also there are unicorns #potion #little steps #happiness #success #overachiever #sense of being #depression #mental disorder #mental illness #potions

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keeroo92 · 5 years

Note

Can we get a cute fic with a smaller, timid male finally confessing his feelings to Dante and Dante just being completely smitten? I need the fluffiest fluff for my fragile heart

Eek, how sweet! Thank you for this, I had a ton of fun writing this! There’s a lil bit of angst, my bad... Hope you enjoy!

Word count - 1,608

________

For years, you harbored your feelings in silence. Any time you came close to spilling the beans, you reminded yourself of the myriad of reasons Dante could never be yours.

Chief among them was that you were pretty damn sure he wasn’t gay.

The rest were circumstantial, debatable and easy enough to talk yourself out of caring about, but that one cruel fact remained. You simply weren’t his type, through no fault of your own.

It still hurt, though.

Little things made it worse, like when he called someone ‘babe’ or teased about the noises Nero and Kyrie made over the weekend in the spare room. Anytime he patted you on the back, making a crack about whatever was going on around you. The worst was how amazing his mouth looked when he ate pizza, slurping away at the warm cheese and moaning at the flavor…

You wondered if anyone else got jealous of food.

Regardless. Everything changed six months ago when he brought a guy home. Some tall asshole with ear gauges and black jeans, basically the opposite of your small self. You were heartbroken, knowing the context of the new face and realizing how wrong you were about Dante’s preferences.

At least the guy hadn’t stuck around long. Small mercies.

Once he was gone, things settled down for a while. Dante made his usual jokes, munching away on pizza and driving you nuts with every bite. He patted your back and made fun of Vergil when he misplaced a book. Nero stormed off in a huff whenever the man in red quipped something about selling tickets.

The knowledge that Dante was, at the very least, open to being with a man made it more and more difficult to talk yourself out of confessing. You struggled every day to hold back, biting your lips and muttering excuses so you could retreat until the urge faded. The others gave you some funny looks, but Dante didn’t seem to notice your strange behavior. Another reason to keep it hidden – he didn’t care enough to pay attention to your quirks.

Little did you know how wrong you were.

Dante knew something was up. At first, he assumed you’d deal with it on your own and he didn’t need to worry, but as the weeks dragged on his concern grew. You could barely look him in the eyes sometimes. You flinched when he touched you. You even stopped coming to his weekly movie night.

It hurt. You were his friend and he wanted you to be happy. If something was up, he wanted to help you fix it. Seeing you in pain, day after day was more agonizing than the time Vergil stabbed him as a teenager.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and he pulled you aside, muscles already tensed to fight off the source. You looked confused and maybe a little scared as he dragged you to the kitchen and sat you down at the cracked plastic countertop. To help ease the tension, he poured two shots of whiskey and forced one into your hand, clinking his own glass against it and downing it in one gulp.

“So. What’s been bugging ya?” he asked, slamming the shot glass on the counter.

You froze. Who told him? Why now? Did it even matter?

Probably not. You licked your lips and replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Dante snorted and gestured at the still-full shot glass in your hand. “Drink up. I’m not taking any more bullshit.”

Shit.

The man was legendary for sniffing out half-truths and lies. It was a goddamned miracle he hadn’t figured you out yet. You raised the glass and cringed as the amber fluid slid down your throat, coughing as you set the glass down again. A firm hand smacked your spine in a rough approximation of helping.

“Better out than in, right?”

You glared at him and he chuckled, reaching for the bottle to pour another round. He downed half a shot and raised an eyebrow at you, blatantly ignoring your shaking head as he poured a matching amount in your glass.

“Come on, Y/N. How bad could it be? Let me help you sort it out.”

He’s not going to let this go. I’m a goner.

You held your breath and emptied your glass. This time you managed to maintain a shred of composure, only clearing your throat to ease the alcohol’s passage.

“You can’t help me with this,” you said.

“Why the fuck not?”

You bit your lip, eyes darting around in search of a safe escape. After this long, even to think of telling him had you in a cold sweat.

“Hey, look at me.” His hand grasped your chin and forced you to meet his stern gaze. “Why. The fuck. Not?”

The calloused fingers on your chin were too much. Even that small contact felt so damned good, and you closed your eyes as your lips parted.

“Because you’re the issue!”

He chuckled and lowered his hand. Your soul cried out at the loss.

“Me? What did I do? Tell me and I’ll make it right.”

He poured another round of shots and grinned. You didn’t bother protesting and followed his lead to slam the drink with a shudder.

“The problem isn’t something you did, its something you’ll never do,” you whispered. The tile floor was suddenly fascinating; you couldn’t tear your eyes off the grimy grey surface.

“Well, I definitely won’t do it if you can’t even tell me what it is,” he replied sardonically.

He has a point. Damnit.

You really couldn’t expect anything to change if you refused to tell him and holding onto the pain was too painful to bear. It begged to be spoken, the confession waiting on your tongue. Every nerve screamed at you to do it, to just open your mouth and say the damned words, but something still held you back. He didn’t want you; it was lunacy to pretend otherwise.

A warm weight rested on your shoulder and your eyes lifted to find his staring at you. A gloved hand gripped you and you reached for another drink. Haze clouded your thoughts, but one urgent need shone through the fog.

Don’t say it.

Don’t you fucking say it, Y/N.

“I want you, Dante. I have for a long time,” your traitorous lips said.

God damnit. This is why I don’t drink. Fucking stupid.

A soft hum rumbled in his chest as his eyes lit up. Was that humor? If he started laughing you might have to run, hide somewhere and sleep off the buzz. Go home and never come back.

“Uh, I… I don’t really know what to say.”

You dropped your eyes back to the floor. “It’s okay. I know I’m not your type.”

He sighed and another warm weight dropped onto your knee. “That’s not what I meant. I’m pretty crap at this stuff, you know. Just… give me a sec, yeah?”

You focused on a crack in the tile. It surprised you that you weren’t crying. Maybe after so long, you just didn’t have it in you? Or maybe the drinks were messing with you. Whatever, it didn’t matter.

His thumb rubbed a tiny circle on your knee. An intimate gesture, one you’d never seen the mighty devil hunter perform before. It felt really, really good and you bit your lip to restrain the pleased hum rising in your body.

“Okay… so I gotta set you straight here. I don’t… I don’t have a type. If it feels right, who gives a shit what people look like?”

That made sense, in a Dante sort of way.

“And… look, I suck at this. But, you know what? You’ve always felt right to me.”

The hand on your shoulder drifted inward to cup your cheek, his thumb stroking your lower lip as it twisted into a smile. His touch was like acid, burning through all the layers of doubt and fear to reveal the truth you’d kept hidden for so long. You had to be dreaming, nothing else made any sense.

And if this is a dream, I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Part of you wanted nothing more than to tackle him and fulfill your wildest fantasies, but a more rational voice overpowered the urge. There were too many other things that needed to be said first.

“So, wait… why didn’t you say anything?” you asked, squinting.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I was scared?”

Dante?! Scared?! You gotta be shitting me.

Laughter bubbled out of your mouth, gaining strength the longer his sheepish expression stared at you. It was unbelievable, the man who charged into demon infested hellscapes on a regular basis, cracking jokes as he demolished the hordes, scared?

“Quit laughing, I know it’s dumb.”

You gathered your wits, choking back the last few peals of mirth as you reached out to feel his coarse stubble. It wasn’t as rough as you imagined. What would it feel like to have it pressed against your face, his lips locked on yours?

You longed to find out. “I would… very much like to kiss you now.”

Dante leaned closer, pulling your head to rest on his chest with a goofy smile. “How ‘bout we wait till morning? I’d hate to not remember our first kiss.”

He’s got a good point.

“One condition – I’m sleeping next to you. No more waiting,” you replied. “I want that kiss first thing in the morning, got it?”

He chuckled and helped you to your feet, already pulling you in the direction of his bedroom. “You got it, babe.”

#fanfic #ask response #dante x reader #reader insert #devil may cry #fluff #my writing

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apiratecalledav · 5 years

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Okay, reluctantly leaving my happily ever after AU/denial land for a minute because it’s been like two months and I still see people say bullshit like, “If Jaime was going to go back to Cersei, then Brienne should have died” and urgh. No. Just... no.

I won’t even get into how awful it is to reduce Brienne to that as a character within her own right because trivializing and misinterpreting her relationship with Jaime is bad enough. The main reason being that it completely overlooks one of the most important and poignant parts of Jaime’s character:

That even though Cersei was “the end of” Jaime, Jaime was in a lot of ways “the beginning of” Brienne.

While Cersei and Jaime were like kindling and oxygen getting devoured by fire and were destructive and toxic, Jaime and Brienne were like music and lyrics; complete individuals in their own right, but when they’re combined they created something new and amazing. Like two Valyrian steel swords reforged from one greatsword. If fate had been kinder, they would have been very happy together.

Unfortunately, growing up with Tywin (and Cersei), serving Aerys, and spending half his life being unjustly reviled, Jaime had a lot of issues with guilt and self-loathing that no one who didn’t take several advanced psychology classes would have been able to help with.

But despite Jaime’s personal demons, he tried as hard as he could to build up Brienne, not drag her down the way that Cersei did to him. Instead of using his relationship with Brienne for his benefit, he used it to benefit her: He helped Brienne to fulfill her oath to Cat and indirectly led to her being able to avenge Renly. He made it possible for her to go from being regarded as a failure and an oddity to being successful and respected. He knighted her. She fell in love with him and he loved her, too. No, it wasn’t enough to “fix” him (news flash: love isn’t a cure), but it was way, way more than what everyone around her ever expected. He loved her, not her father’s title or lands. And he loved her not in spite of her unusual, knightly demeanor but because of it. And it wasn’t wishful thinking or all in her head or “but only as a friend.” Jaime Lannister, who was like, a five time winner of Westerosi Weekly’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” looked at Brienne of Tarth like this (so fuck you, Ronnet):

Cersei saw Jaime as an extension of herself— her “other half” who got to have the kind of power and autonomy in society she desperately wished for herself because he was a man. Her feelings for him stemmed from narcissism and selfishness, dooming Jaime to virtually never being “good enough.”

Jaime also saw Brienne as everything he wished he could be— a true knight who was valiant and honorable, not because she was sworn to do so, but because she wanted to be. The difference here is that Jaime’s feelings for Brienne developed from admiration and respect and he is the one who didn’t feel worthy of her.

Because while Tyrion saw Jaime being with Brienne as Jaime finally allowing himself to be happy, I felt like Jaime saw it as being selfish. Telling Tyrion to “say something snide” made me think he was looking to be chastised. When Brienne tries to talk him out of dying with Cersei and tells him that he’s a good man, he nearly bursts into tears and reveals all of the worst things about himself. The most genuine and heartbreaking “it’s not you; it’s me” speech, like... ever.

If he truly believed that Brienne needed him, he would have stayed with her. We saw a long time ago that he was willing to leave the road that led back to Cersei to save Brienne from the bear pit, and risk his own life in the process. Just as he lost his right hand, his sword hand— when he believed that he “was that hand” and once said he’d rather die than be “grotesque”— to protect Brienne and keep her “whole.”

Even if it was only on a subconscious level, he obviously believed Brienne deserved to live more than he or Cersei did. But Brienne is safe after 8x03; the dead are defeated and she’s not only on the side with a damn dragon, she won’t even be expected to leave Sansa and Arya to fight. The only thing Jaime believes he’s doing for her is clouding her judgment, i.e. “tricking” her into thinking that he’s good and that he deserves her. In his mind, he did the same thing to Brienne that Cersei did to him. He thought Brienne would start making excuses for him, just as he had done so many times for Cersei. Look at his face and eyes when she says “You’re a good man.”

When Jaime told Tyrion that he “never cared” for innocents, I don’t believe he’s a Scooby-Doo villain removing his mask and saying, “Surprise! I’ve been an asshole all along.” It’s just the way he saw himself because he didn’t know how else to explain his mistakes, the (innocent) people he had hurt, or his inability to stop caring about Cersei even though she was horrible. We know that Jaime’s attachment to Cersei is unhealthy and the result of emotional abuse and other factors resulting from trauma. But Jaime saw it as proof he was a bad person.

He did for Brienne what (I can easily imagine) he wished Cersei had done for him— He tells Brienne that he’s hateful and effectively sets her “free” of him. When he perceived himself to be perpetuating the cycle of abuse, he stopped it (more “break the wheel” imagery?). Yeah, he did it in an awful, hurtful way but we have to remember that Jaime had no access to therapy, self-help books, advice columns, google, etc. He hadn’t had or even really seen a healthy relationship since his mother died when he was like seven. On top of that, his last real moment of pure love and acceptance was with Myrcella... about thirty seconds before she died in his embrace. That alone would screw up anyone. It’s tragic and devastating, but Jaime wasn’t in a place to make Brienne happy long term and he had absolutely no idea how to change that. It was easier to shut down those negative feelings when he could say, “I have a noble purpose: help stop ice demons and zombies from destroying the world.” When he couldn’t say that anymore, it got to be too much for him.

I’ve long thought that applying the “redemption arc” label to Jaime (or any asoif/got character, really) was a little too... simplistic. Like most major characters, Jaime has undoubtedly done some reprehensible things, the worst being his attempt to kill Bran. But unlike say Joffrey or Ramsay, Jaime’s thought process wasn’t, “Hey, let’s push this kid out of a window and see if his bones make a sweet crunching noise when he lands!”

He was thinking, “Oh, shit. This kid is probably too young to ‘play it cool’ for long around his parents after being threatened or bribed... And if he blabs, that’s my head cut off, Cersei’s head cut off, and if Joffrey, Tommen, and Myrcella aren’t immediately executed right behind us, they’ll be locked up until they’re old enough that people are less squeamish about chopping off their heads, too. And gee, I bet dear old Dad isn’t going to take that lying down...”

In a world as brutal as theirs, it’s difficult for me to condemn anyone too harshly for trying to protect themselves or their loved ones, provided they aren’t cavalier about collateral damage (for example, Cersei blowing up the sept with more than just her enemies inside and people in the surrounding area ending up getting crushed by the debris).

Early on, Jaime appeared to be arrogant, callous, and convinced that violence was an “easy solution.” As the series progressed, mostly through his growing friendship with Brienne, we discovered that a great deal of Jaime’s behavior was a defense mechanism.

After his “Kingslayer” persona slowly falls away, we eventually see “Jaime” (re)born in Brienne’s arms.

Soon, we even saw him gain a shiny, newly reforged Valyrian steel sword to go along with his new beginning . But he didn’t even have the sword very long before he turned around and gave it to Brienne— and kept the “tainted” Widow’s Wail for himself.

And when Brienne tried to return Oathkeeper, that precious symbol of hope and honor and second chances, Jaime refused it and told her, “It’s yours. It will always be yours.” (Emphasis mine)

I know we were hoping that Brienne would “save” Jaime— and I firmly believe she was instrumental in saving his soul— but Jaime ended up ultimately saving Brienne. He saved her life, but he also saved her from an existence of loneliness and ridicule. In 4x02 (written by GRRM btw), Brienne tells Cersei, “In truth, he rescued me, Your Grace. More than once.”

Jaime was a flawed and deeply troubled person, but he tried his damnedest to give Brienne everything. No, he couldn’t literally do so— he couldn’t give her his whole, undamaged heart— but he still gave her so much: His admiration; his faith; his trust; his sword; his right hand; her protégé Podrick; helped her fulfill her vows and find good friends like Sansa, Tyrion, and Davos, and a kindred spirit in Arya; and made her dearest wish come true. What is that, if not love, of the truest and deepest kind?

Though Jaime likely thought his knighting of Brienne was merely a nice thing to do for her on their supposed last night on earth, it ended up having an unexpected and incredible impact once the North gained independence: Knights were already mainly a Southern thing and Brienne’s knighthood would have been absolutely worthless in an independent North. Sansa, being completely safe and secure and obviously knowing how much being knighted meant to Brienne, would assure her that she was released from her vow to Catelyn’s daughters. And so Ser Brienne is free to return to the Six Kingdoms, and offer her services to the new King, Cat Stark’s last surviving son. To Bran.

While Jaime once hurt Bran for Cersei’s sake and accidentally paved the way for years of war and destruction, Brienne, thanks to Jaime knighting her, will be able to dedicate herself to protecting Bran, insuring peace, and helping to rebuild.

All of the best parts of Jaime live on in Brienne and not just because she finished his entry in the Book of Brothers. She, and the doors that Jaime opened for her, are his legacy.

Brienne will be able to do the kinds of things Jaime wanted to do but couldn’t. She’ll help restore honor to the knighthood. There will be more Ser Briennes and Ser Davoses and Ser Podricks and fewer Ser Gregors, Ser Armorys, and Ser Meryns.

It truly baffles me to see people bitching about “wasted character arcs” and yet in the same breath are ready to throw Brienne and everything Jaime did for her away. Jaime’s character was frustrating and heartbreaking and maddening but it wasn’t a waste precisely because he made it possible for Brienne to have a bright future and a good life and it’s the proof that he truly was ultimately a much better person than his sister.

TL;DR: If we must pigeonhole Jaime into the whole “redemption” thing, can’t we see that he did redeem himself through Brienne— by supporting her and validating her and making it possible for her to do the kind of great things he wished he could do himself?

PS: I’m fairly certain Jaime and Cersei’s ending was “softened” for the show, the way so many other characters and events have been. I highly doubt she’ll be pregnant and the idea that he was largely motivated to save their child certainly helped make the whole thing easier for me to swallow. As Tyland Lannister, hand to the “broken King” Aegon III, screams “Tyrion and Bran,” and Elissa Farman appears to be foreshadowing Arya’s similar journey/let’s us know it’s very possible she’ll survive... Aelora and Aelor Targaryen make me wonder if book Jaime will accidentally kill Cersei and then freak out and commit suicide. And if that’s the case, I’m glad the show went with something different, as rushed and clumsy as it was. I am glad that Jaime’s last moments weren’t violent or angry or otherwise cruel and didn’t have to add more to his overwhelming guilt and despair.

If he had to die, and especially if he had to die with Cersei, then it’s a good thing that he got to die as Joanna’s son— not Tywin’s— and as Tyrion’s brother— not Cersei’s. He got to die as the man who Brienne fell in love with: Someone who was brave and compassionate, fulfilling his oath, and being honorable in his way, even if it’s not in the way society (or the audience) understands or likes. Even though he was with Cersei, he remained as the man who could see— and love— the vulnerable human being beneath their “monstrous” exterior, just as he did for Brienne and Tyrion. Maybe Cersei didn’t “deserve” that, but Jaime certainly did. And in the White Book, when it’s said that Jaime died protecting his Queen, it’s not a lie. Which is the last thing Jaime would have wanted: “I'll hack the bloody book to pieces before I'll fill it with lies.”

I don’t know if Old Jaime would have intentionally hurt or murdered Cersei, but I definitely think he would have at least hurled out one last massive fuck you in a similar “why have the gods made me love a hateful woman?” way. He’d have reminded her that none of this would have happened if she wasn’t such a stubborn, vindictive wretch: If she hadn’t pushed Joffrey to ditch Sansa for Margaery, whose grandma ended up killing him; if she hadn’t tried to get Tyrion falsely executed, she wouldn’t have set off a chain of events that led to Tywin and Myrcella dying; if she hadn’t tried to screw over Margaery by giving the High Sparrow power; if she hadn’t blown up the Sept, Tommen wouldn’t have killed himself; if she had kept her promise to fight in the North; if she had just stepped down when Dany arrived, etc then maybe they wouldn’t about to damn near literally get crushed to death by all of Cersei’s bad decisions.

Old Jaime talked a lot of shit to people, presumably trying to make himself feel better. But he realized at some point, all it did was make them as miserable as he was. So in the end, when Cersei is so pitifully scared and sad, instead of getting pissed off or bitter, Jaime comforts her the best he can; an ability I don’t think he would have developed if it hadn’t been for his relationship with Brienne. We even see some rare moments of genuine selflessness from Cersei (“You’re bleeding” and “I don’t want our baby to die”). In Jaime and Cersei’s final moments, they act as close to normal siblings as they are capable, seeing as they don’t even try to kiss (thank goodness). This leaves Brienne as the last person Jaime kissed. And to me, that says it all.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled “Grey Worm and Missandei said ‘fuck you, Westeros’ after The Long Night and dropped Jaime and Brienne off at Tarth on their way to Naath” way of life.

#jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #jaime x brienne #braime #ser brienne #game of thrones #a song of ice and fire

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Filterless

Corpse Husband x Plus-sized Reader (Female)

Warnings: Body Image Insecurities, Low self-esteem, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Feeling comfortable in her skin has hardly ever been the case for Y/N who’s been struggling with body image issues all her life. However, they only get worse when she sees the ‘type’ of girls her crush is into.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request (hits close to home 😅) I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to fulfill it and post it but here it finally is and if you’ve stuck around long enough to read it, I hope you enjoy! ALSO! - Never forget how beautiful and amazing you are. Never compare your beauty to someone else’s. We’re all beautiful people and we all shine so brightly and uniquely. No one deserves to be compared to anyone when we’re all so different yet so incredible. Love you and appreciate you with all my heart, Vy ❤

If I ever need my ego taken down a few notches - it never does, it’s barely even present, to be honest - all I have to do is go on Instagram. To be honest, regardless of how I’m feeling, opening that app is bound to make my mood plummet and come crashing into the ground so hard it drives a hole in it - probably in the form of a broken heart.

Being a content creator myself, I often get asked questions about my absence on that social platform specifically. I mean, the questions are based and rational I guess, considering I’m not a faceless YouTuber and yet my Instagram account is void of any photos. It’s not like I don’t post at all - I do! I post on my story often but it’s more often than not scenery I find pretty or a poster I’ve made for a movie/video game. Bottom line is: I barely ever allow a picture of me to make it online. The most my fans are ever gonna get of me is a selfie which is also a super rare occurrence because of how long it takes me to take and choose one I don’t hate.

Ok, but how am I supposed to find the motivation to post any sort of picture of myself when on my timeline I’m always faced with people worthy of posting pictures of themselves. People with such perfect bodies and beautiful faces. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous or envious of those people - good for them! They know what they’re working with and they’re working it well. I have nothing against them, in fact, I love seeing people proud of their bodies no matter their size, shape or weight. Those are my role-models: people who are proud of themselves, their bodies, their attributes and capabilities and don’t hesitate to show them off. Those are the people I look up to but, deep down inside I know I’ll never be like.

Insecure about my body, having been referred to as ‘chubby’ and ‘squishy’ all my life. Inappreciative of the stuff I do: starting from my job as a graphic designer leading towards my job on YouTube - nothing I do, professionally or otherwise, satisfies me. Nothing I do is enough in my eyes because I feel incapable of ever being able to do enough. I’ve been called lazy and a half-asser a few too many times to be able to brush it off as a meaningless insult.

With these problems I’ve had with myself and my own perception of who I am and the work I do, I’ve never had the time for romance or romantic relationships. I second-guess the intentions of everyone who ever shows any interest in me because in my mind I’m nothing special and I have nothing to offer - nothing attractive or likable at least. That being said, I haven’t even been one to make heart eyes at others either. I busy myself with my job and some side-gigs, brushing off any relationship questions with the excuse that I’m ‘just too busy to be in a relationship’ which is technically true.

Having spent twenty plus years with that mindset, one can imagine how surprised I was when I found myself catching feelings for someone. And that someone just couldn’t be any other than the biggest YouTube sensation at the moment - Corpse Husband.

I’m close friends with Poki - her and I were roommates at one point too - so her inviting me to play Among Us with them wasn’t so strange. One or two games, I thought, nothing unusual there, just friendly curtesy. I wasn’t expecting to warm up to the group of famous streamers nor did I expect them to welcome me among them so easily, mostly because my channel is so small and practically invisible to the YouTube algorithm. But soon enough, I became a permanent member of the team, making friends with every single one of those YouTubers I practically thought of a celebrities.

This journey of branching out to other content creators has proven itself to be surprisingly pleasant and has packed my book of friendships to the brim. All of that came unexpectedly, along with a wave of new subs and a higher view count. However, as I mentioned, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I came to finally understand what my high school friends were talking about when they were head over heels for a boy - the butterflies in the stomach whenever he speaks your name; the importance of the laugh you share with him, how special and different it is; how cool it is to be impostors with him - ok they never said that, obviously, but it’s what I have as a substitute to the ‘when the two of you make eye-contact’ bullshit since Corpse and I have never seen each other in person. That is, of course, because of him being a faceless YouTuber and me being a self-conscious and insecure girl.

We do talk all the time though - texting, calling, chilling on Discord, you name it. Our conversations range from deeply philosophical to ones that might mislead someone into thinking we’re high. There’s no topic we haven’t touched upon and yet we still manage to find something new to talk about. We have plenty of similarities but we also never seem to run out of differences we slowly come across as we keep getting to know each other better and better.

And somewhere along that journey I ended up catching feelings.

Human nature of wanting to connect with other people, I curse you for what you’ve done to me.

You might think I’m being overdramatic about the whole ordeal and that this is just a normal, natural occurrence many people experience in their life - some even daily. Well, not only am I far from used to it, but it’s also taking a toll of a different kind on me.

It’s like a constant slap to the face.

That slap turned into a punch when Corpse and I started following each other on Instagram and I started getting daily reminders of how out of my depth I am with this crush on him. In over my head, especially when you look at all those girls whose pics and videos he reposts on his story. Imagine how that makes me feel, what that does to me - puts me back into the ‘Constantly not good enough‘ basket, the one I’ve been fighting to get out of all my life. In the past and in different contexts I could easily say that it was all just my mind hating me intensely but now - now that I know for a fact I’m not good enough and don’t fit Corpse’s criteria - it hurts ten times as much. I’m not one to do shit for someone’s attention or to attract someone’s eyes, but it really hurts my feelings. Often times, it also leads me to doing dumb things and making rash decisions.

Like the one I made two days ago.

Imagine me cringing and shaking my head at my own stupidity as I admit this: I, in a frenzy, ordered a whole e-girl getup with overnight delivery.

Wait, hold up, it gets worse.

I received it yesterday and spent the whole day regretting that decision, but then, in my most insecure hours - which was somewhere around midnight - I equipped the get-up, took a picture and posted it on my Instagram page. First full body pic I’ve ever posted on there. First pic I’ve posted there of any kind. There to stay, not to be gone in twenty four hours. First pic, and it’s not even of me. It’s of who I want to be in order to fit someone’s criteria. And that fucking stings.

As you might imagine, I’ve spent today’s day regretting that decision as well. Recently my mood’s been nothing but regretting rash decisions that have surfaced under the influence of my ridiculous, constantly-present insecurities. And I would’ve probably gotten over it rather quickly had I not received a message from Corpse that read:

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic“

I didn’t open the message, I peeped at it as it was a notification on my lock screen. It’s still there, an unread notification. It’s been two hours since I received it and I cannot think of a single thing to say in response to that.

Truth is, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so many things right now.

I’m afraid of becoming that girl in the photo, cause I’m most definitely not her.

I’m afraid of letting Corpse down by admitting I’m not her.

I’m afraid of what my own mind has made me do because it hates me so much and I’m terrified of what it might do in the future.

I’m afraid and stranded on things to do.

You can’t be her forever, you know. Being her won’t make your insecurities go away, it’ll only make them worse. Haven’t you learned that by now?

I sigh, frustrated and irritated with myself as I grab my phone and tap on the notification, finally deciding to face the music and allow my instincts to carry me through the interaction. Improvisation, that’s one of the few things I’m good at. Let’s hope it doesn’t fail me.

I’m just about to type out my response - not sure what it’s gonna say - when I give the message Corpse has sent me a second glance. I furrow my brows, finding there’s more to it than that peep through the notification let me see.

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic. You’re personality is so bright and colorful, I could’ve never imagined you were into the darks and blacks“

Because I’m not

I fail to realize until the message has been sent that my thoughts are exactly what I typed out and sent.

And honestly, I’m glad. It feels like I’ve spoken my truth, like I’ve lifted a huge boulder off my chest.

With that rare confidence in mind I go on and delete the picture.

In its spot, I post a picture I just now took - a mirror selfie in my homey get-up consisting of hot pink sweatpants and an oversized blue tee, my hair in a messy bun, my face free of make-up.

I caption it: ‘Oops, had the e-girl filter on for the last one. This is filterless me tho so...Hi 🥴’

A lot better, I’m surprised to hear my inner voice say. I hope I don’t get used to all this kindness on my brain’s part, probably won’t last, but damn if I don’t milk every second of it.

Just then, I receive a new message from non other than Corpse.

“Now that’s the girl I see when I think of you. She’s super cute 😉“

My, oh my, who would’ve guessed Corpse has a game like that - and by that I mean the ability to make me blush so intensely with only a text message.

Now ain’t that better than being someone else, Y/N?

It sure is, it sure is.

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smileyoongle · 6 years

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Mafia BTS! Seeing you for the first time (Maknae line)

Note: This imagine won't necessarily have all the members belonging to the same mafia. I thought having them all as the leaders would make a better plot so......here you go.

[Here's the link to the Hyung Line imagine: Mafia BTS! Seeing you for the first time (Hyung Line) ]

Park Jimin:

Placing his wine glass on the table, Jimin leaned forward to listen to the conversation of his gang mates. They all laughed at a joke one of them cracked. It was a happy day. It had to be, it had been 5 years since Jimin took to running a mafia. So naturally, when people saw him all happy and smiles, they were astonished. People had usually only seen him when he was mad or pissed off at someone who bothered him.

Jimin had decided to share his mafia's anniversary with everybody in the restaurant. He took to paying for all their drinks. This made the people even more shocked. But who really rejects free drinks?

You entered the expensive restaurant with your boyfriend, hand in hand. You looked around the place while your boyfriend told the manager about his reservation. It was your 2 year anniversary. But you weren't sure if you were gonna be celebrating anymore anniversaries, seeing as you had decided that you didn't want this relationship anymore. You were sure you would end it tonight on a peaceful note. You didn't wanna be with someone who treated you like an object, who never introduced you as his girlfriend to his friends, who was a materialistic freak or better yet, who slept around with other girls thinking that you didn't know anything.

You felt eyes on you as you made your way to your table. You searched around for anyone who was looking at you. Your eyes stopped at someone sitting at the corner of the restaurant. You looked carefully, only to gasp and blush. Park Jimin was staring at you. Of course you knew him, everyone did. You took your seat while glancing a look at him again. His eyes were still on you. You bit your lip and turned to your boyfriend. You shook your head, obviously it meant nothing.

Meanwhile Jimin's eyes were stuck on you since the moment you entered. You looked gorgeous in your black silk dress and your wavy hair. You seemed to be in deep thought when you stood their waiting to get to your table. But when he saw your hand in another man's, he wanted nothing more than to take out his gun and shoot him right there. But he didn't wanna scare you, so he tried to calm himself down. It helped when you looked back at him. Your beautiful eyes showing surprise in them to see him staring at you. Right then he decided, he wanted you now. He turned his attention back to his friends and started thinking about what he could do.

You sighed as your boyfriend started making a scene in front of the entire restaurant. You really thought he'd be okay with it. He should have been, if he really wanted you then he wouldn't have gone around sleeping with every girl he stumbled upon. You winced as he grabbed your arm and pulled you to your feet. This had gone way too far than you thought. "You. Are. Not. Leaving. Me" he gritted his teeth and glared at you. You whimpered in pain as he tightened his grip on your arm. You were sure there were gonna be bruises.

"You should be grateful that I'm putting up with your dumb self. Anyone else would've left you long ago. Just like your parents did." He chuckled bitterly at you. Tears filled your eyes at his harsh words. Before you could say anything, he was torn away from you. Just as you looked at your knight in shining armour, your now ex-boyfriend was punched in the face, causing him to fall to the floor.

Jimin bent down and grabbed the man's jaw. He had tried to hurt you and Jimin wasn't having any of it. "I see you around her one more time, you'll wish you were never born." He snarled at him. You stood there as you looked at the scene infront of you. Here he was, Park Jimin, the one who protected you. And you had a feeling he would be doing that for a long time from now.

After seeing your supposed boyfriend scurry away in fear, Jimin made his way to you. He wiped the tear on your cheek and looked in your eyes. His heart swelled at how circumstances had been in his favour. He was never gonna forget this day. He promised himself that he was never gonna hurt you in anyway. He was gonna treat you like a queen.

You felt your breathing quicken when his hands held yours. Although he didn't say anything, but his eyes, they said a lot to you. You knew for sure that you would always remember that look. It was as if his eyes had said,

" I would break my own heart to protect yours."

Kim Taehyung:

Taehyung glanced a look at his watch and sighed. The man he was supposed to have a deal with, was late. He hated people who couldn't be on time. Time was essential, especially when you live every second of your life dangerously.

He clenched his jaw as he observed the crowd of people dancing on the floor below. The loud music blared through the club as he grew impatient. This club was one of the many he owned. Different night, different club. That was his life. It was absolutely adventurous but he found himself growing tired of it. He wanted something different from life now. He didn't wanna come back to a dark and lonely house every night. He craved the feeling of being wanted. Of course, he could have any girl he wanted. But he wanted someone who consumed his thoughts day and night. He wanted someone to call 'his'. Someone to protect from this cruel world.

Taehyung's attention was drawn to the bouncers leading someone to the VIP area, right where he sat. He glared as he saw the man who called himself Joaquin, enter the lounge. Taehyung could have his head on a platter for wasting his time but he brushed off the idea because the deal was too important to him. Joaquin put forward his hand with a smirk for Taehyung to shake, as if he was proud of himself. But Taehyung sat still, only glaring at him. The smirk was washed off his face as he took back his hand and sat down infront of the intimidating Mafia leader. Taehyung took in the man's appearance and doubted himself. He didn't really look like someone who should be in this line of work. He looked too confident, like he was some celebrity. He considered calling this deal off. But all of his dilemma faded as he saw you standing behind the so called dealer, looking a little uncomfortable.

Joaquin noticed his eyes on you and took it as a signal to introduce you. "Ah, this is Y/N. I bought her to fulfill needs that I'm certain every man has." He smirked and looked at you. He had always treated you like an expensive object he bought.

You clenched your jaw and glared at him. Everything that came out of his mouth was wrong. You would never sell your body to any man, let alone this disgusting excuse of one. You'd never even let him near you and he accepted this, finally giving up after a lot of trying.

Before you could defend yourself, the man who you knew as Taehyung spoke up.

"Having me wait and then talking complete bullshit about a woman, that certainly says a lot about you." He narrowed his eyes as he pulled out a gun from behind him, placing it on the table infront of him.

Taehyung didn't believe Joaquin for a second. When he saw your annoyance, he wanted to finish him off for good. He respected women very much and he had no tolerance for anyone who talked rubbish about them. And since you already had all his attention, he wanted to do everything he could to make sure you were comfortable.

You seemed level headed and innocent at the same time. Your red dress hugged all your curves perfectly. Taehyung found himself thinking about how he'd love nothing more than to explore every inch of you. He licked his lips as he found himself getting more and more intrigued by you. He fantasized about having a woman like you by his side. When he saw Joaquin's pale face at seeing the gun, he stood up and fixed his suit. "You know, I've dealt with a lot of people like you. Always so full of yourself and feeding off on others self esteem when the truth is that you know you are pathetic and incompetent." He said and moved to where you stood. You stood there frozen. Taehyung looked at you from head to toe. You suddenly felt insecure. You bit your lip and looked away. You'd never been so intimidated by a man before.You hadn't looked at Taehyung closely before but now that he stood right infront of you, he looked so ethereal. He was breathtakingly handsome.

His lips curled into a smirk as he saw you checking him out. He saw your flustered expression as you bit your lip. Taehyung felt extremely delighted to know you were attracted to him too. He leaned down and whispered in your ear, "You might wanna stop doing that, love. I don't think you understand how troublesome it is to control myself."

You gasped at his words. He tilted his head to look at you with a smirk, that damned smirk. He was certainly enjoying this. Your wide eyes gave away how innocent you really were. You might have put on a strong front for the world but really, you weren't like that at all.

He turned to Joaquin to seal the deal. "This deal is called off. You may go back but this lady will be spending the night with me, whether you like it or not." Joaquin gave a small nod and left. Clearly he was afraid of what Taehyung would have done to him if he hadn't obeyed. Everyone was afraid of Taehyung, it was impossible not to be.

But you only felt curious about what was beneath this cold demeanor that he carried. There certainly had to be more to him. Taehyung was determined to know you too. More so, he was determined to break the walls you had built, he knew how to read people very well. He could tell you weren't really how you acted. He was curious too. One thing was certain, he had no plans of letting you go back to that dumb man. He wanted to own you mind, body and soul. And nothing was gonna stop him.

"Say you want me because I know I do."

Jeon Jungkook:

You smoothed out your dress as you stepped out of the black limousine. The building infront of you hovering like a giant ready to engulf you. You didn't wanna be here, and the fact that your best friend was so extra didn't help either. Really, a limousine? This wasn't even an award show. It was just a masquerade ball.

You absolutely hated crowds. You had no intention of attending this party either. But when your best friend showed you her puppy eyes, you couldn't bring yourself to say no. So here you were, wearing a ball gown with a mask covering half of your face. Your best friend had been invited here. She was very rich but she never let it get to her. Her family adored you and treated you like their own. Basically your best friend had been by you for as far as you could remember. You didn't have a family but you didn't feel sad about that anymore. Credits to your best friend. So thinking that you owed her this much atleast, you climbed up the steps to the ballroom.

You could hear the chatter of people along with soft music playing behind the huge double doors. The doors opened revealing the interiors. You gasped as you took in the scene infront of you. You had never been to a place like this. You were stood on top of a staircase. You looked at the entire place with amusement. Maybe being here wasn't so bad. You were so engrossed in admiring the room that you didn't notice the people staring at you. Everything seemed to have stopped, all eyes were on you. You blamed it all on the expensive gown that your best friend had bought you. Or maybe all these rich people figured that you didn't belong here?

Jungkook almost took his mask off as he saw you stood near the entrance. You looked stunning in that blue gown, the light of amusement in your eyes only added to your beauty. He was a driven young man who lived a dangerous life. He had to attend the party in order to settle a conflict that had been getting in the way of his work. But all that was forgotten when he saw you. He wanted nothing more than to just go up to you and take off your mask to see you properly. You were already beautiful, he could only imagine what was beneath the mask.

You were flustered as your best friend pulled you down the stairs. The music seemed to have started again. Some eyes were still on you but you tried not to pay attention. Soon enough the ball was in full swing. You turned down a few people who asked you to dance with them. You weren't a dancer. So you watched as your friend danced around, clearly enjoying herself. You decided to get some fresh air. Making your way to what looked like the door to the garden, you were obviously clueless about someone who was completely captivated by you.

Jungkook saw you make your way to the garden so he followed you. He wanted to know you. So here he stood, behind you. It was a cold night. Too cold for you to be here. "It's too cold to be here, don't you think?" A voice startled you. You turned around to see an extremely handsome man. You couldn't see all of his face but from whatever you could see, he was damn handsome.

"Not very fond of crowds." You smiled at him. Jungkook's heart fluttered when you smiled at him. Your voice was angelic too. He was growing desperate for you. "So I'm guessing you'll be turning me down if I ask you to dance, huh?" He extended his hand out to you. You bit your lip. You certainly couldn't bring yourself to say no to him. "I suck at dancing." You said sheepishly. He chuckled. "I can deal with that." He grinned at you. Taking a deep breath, you took his hand.

He held you close as you both swayed to the music. It felt as if everything around you had disappeared. Your heart was beating fast. Curiosity was eating you inside. You wanted to see him. His eyes kept flitting between your eyes and lips. You looked away as you blushed.

"Take it off. Let me see you, princess." He whispered in your ear, making you blush even more. You weren't the only one who was curious. You hesitantly pulled away from him to take off your mask. But before you could do anything, a loud noise was followed by the sound of glass shattering. Screams filled the room as another noise echoed. Gunshots.

People around had already started running out of the ballroom. You were scared. What was going on? Jungkook clenched his jaw. He understood that the meeting didn't go very nice. He had told everybody to not do anything until he came. But of course, they didn't listen. He looked at your panicked form. He had to get you out but he also had to help his people.

You turned to the mystery man infront of you, only to find him looking at you. His eyes showed concern and anger. You felt a hand tug yours. You saw your best friend pulling you towards the exit. You couldn't protest. You were already suffocating. You wanted to get out so you let your friend pull you away from him, the mystery man. He didn't move at all. He stood still between all of the chaos.

Jungkook was mad. Mad that he didn't even ask you your name. Mad that he couldn't even see your face. He mouthed a few words to you. A promise he made to himself. You weren't sure if you understood what he said correctly. But from what you thought he said, you felt a surge of happiness. Obviously you weren't gonna see him again. But that's where you were wrong. You didn't know who he was. And you certainly didn't know he'd do anything to have you.

"I will find you soon."

I had to write the Jungkook imagine twice. Tumblr was acting up but here it is. I hope you like it. Do you want me to do more mafia imagines? Do let me know. I also feel this isn't so good so I'm sorry. I'll do better next time.

- XX

#bts #bts jungkook #bts suga #bts v #yandere bts imagine #bts jimin #bts jin #bts jhope #bts rm #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts mafia imagine #bts mafia reaction #bts mafia au #kpop roleplay #bts army #bts au

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ofthemuses · 5 years

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True Detective Sentence Meme: Season One (another of my favorites, well, the first season at least.)

WARNING: Triggering content, NSFW content, religion/death/violence/sex/drugs/suicide mentioned. Lots of foul language

Regular Quotes

I'd consider myself a realist, alright? But in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist...

Oh, just a regular type dude... with a big ass dick.

People out here, it's like they don't even know the outside world exists. Might as well be living on the fucking Moon.

It's all one ghetto man.

Stop saying shit like that. It's unprofessional.

So what's the point of getting out of bed in the morning?

I tell myself I bear witness, but the real answer is that it's obviously my programming. And I lack the constitution for suicide.

Let's make the car a place of silent reflection from now on.

Can I ask you something? You're a Christian, yeah?

I know who I am. And after all these years, there's a victory in that.

Can you get pills pretty easy?

Listen, when you're at my house, I want you to chill the fuck out.

There's nothing I can do about it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but... I'm gonna have a drink.

Given how long its taken for me to reconcile my nature, I can't figure I'd forgo it on your account.

Hmm. That sounds God-fucking-awful.

Isn't that a beautiful way to go out, painlessly as a happy child?

Trouble with dying later is you've already grown up. The damage is done. It's too late.

I can be hard to live with. I don't mean to, but I can be... critical.

Sometimes I think I'm just not good for people, that it's not good for them to be around me.

Such holy bullshit from you. It's a woman's body, ain't it? A woman's choice.

Girls walk this Earth all the time screwin' for free. Why is it you add business to the mix and boys like you can't stand the thought? I'll tell you. It's cause suddenly you don't own it the way you thought you did.

Is shitting on any moment of decency part of your job description?

Nothing man, sorry, forget it.

You got some self loathing to do this morning, that's fine, but it ain't worth losing your hands over.

What's your deal?

I don't have "a deal".

You're kinda strange, like you might be dangerous.

Of course I'm dangerous. I'm police. I can do terrible things to people with impunity.

Now what do you mean exactly... these visions you mentioned.

Shiiiiit, just what have you two heard about me?

What the hell good is cake if you can't eat it?

You know, throughout history, I bet every old man probably said the same thing. And old men die, and the world keeps spinnin'.

What do you think the average IQ of this group is, huh?

Just observation and deduction. I see a propensity for obesity. Poverty. A yen for fairy tales.

I think it's safe to say nobody here's gonna be splitting the atom.

You see that. Your fucking attitude.

Not everybody wants to sit alone in an empty room beating off to murder manuals.

Yeah, well if the common good's gotta make up fairy tales, then it's not good for anybody.

Well, I don't use ten dollar words as much as you, but for a guy who sees no point in existence, you sure fret about it an awful lot.

I mean, can you imagine if people didn't believe, what things they'd get up to?

Exact same thing they do now. Just out in the open.

Bullshit. It'd be a fucking freak show of murder and debauchery and you know it.

If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward, then brother that person is a piece of shit; and I'd like to get as many of them out in the open as possible.

Well, I guess your judgment is infallible, piece-of-shit-wise.

You figure it's all a scam, huh? All them folks? They just wrong?

People incapable of guilt usually do have a good time.

Do you wonder ever if you're a bad man?

World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.

But I think I'm all fucked up.

You don't have to fall in love at first sight, you know.

Every time I think you've hit a ceiling, you, you keep raising the bar. You're like the Michael Jordan of being a son of a bitch.

Fuuuck! Hell of a bedside manner you've got.

Ahh, you know, being stupid is different than going in sick, and this is a bar, not a fuckin' bedside.

All the dick swagger you roll, you can't spot crazy pussy?

So, enough with the self-improvement-penance-hand-wringing shit. Let's go to work.

Oh God damn it, I am so done talking to you like a man.

What the fuck you think I want with you, huh?

I'm sorry. What are you suggesting, exactly?

I will skull-fuck you, you bitch!

This is none of my business... I don't want to hear it.

Do you know the good years when you're in them, or do you just wait for them until you get ass cancer?

What always happens between men and women? Reality.

Someone once told me time is a flat circle.

The newspapers are gonna be tough on you.

No, buddy, without me... there is no you.

Yeah. Fuck this. Fuck this world.

You know, people that give me advice, I reckon they're talking to themselves.

A man's game charges a man's price. Take that away from this, if nothing else.

I'm the person least in the need of counseling in this entire fucking state.

Thought maybe we should talk.

If you get the opportunity, you should kill yourself.

Hey, man, look. Why don't you just get out of here, please? I don't want to get arrested. Just - just get... before I do something to you.

I slept with someone... And you know him/her... You're close.

Oh... Now, what-what are you saying?... What - what are you - what the fuck are you saying to me?

Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you get good at.

If you were drowning, I'd throw you a fuckin' barbell.

Why would I ever help you?

Hey. You better get those jumper cables ready, the motherfucker is lying.

Get on out of here, you're classin' the place up.

My family's been here a long, long time.

He ain't gonna talk with you.

I got a car battery and two jumper cables argue different.

A man remembers his debts.

Fuck, I don't like this place... Nothing grows in the right direction.

What happened in my head is not something that gets better.

Well you know what, I just got here; I was gonna leave, but then you woke up - Jesus, what's your fuckin' problem?

Not a care in the world.

I'm not supposed to be here.

Yeah... well, I'll come back by tomorrow, buddy.

Don't ever change, man.

Agh. Ah, fuck. Ah, he got me pretty good...

Do I strike you as a talker or a doer?

You'll rip out your fucking stitches. Stop it.

This is the place.

Everybody's got a choice, ____... Shit, I sure blamed you.

There you go... Everybody's got a choice.

It's hard to find something in a man who rejects people as much as you do, you know that?

Come die with me, little priest.

The DEEP SHIT™

I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution.

There can be a burden in authority, in vigilance, like a father's burden.

I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction - one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.

This place is like somebody's memory of a town, and the memory is fading.

I contemplate the moment in the garden; the idea of allowing your own crucifixion.

I don't sleep, I just dream.

You got kids? I think of the hubris it must take, to yank a sole out of nonexistence into this meat; a force of life into this thresher.

I know who I am. And after all these years, there's a victory in that.

Yeah, back then, the visions, yeah most of the time I was convinced... Shit... I'd lost it. But there were other times... I thought I was mainlining the secret truth of the universe.

I mean, it's like somethin's got your name on it, like a bullet or a nail in the road...

People... so goddamn frail they'd rather put a coin in the wishing well than buy dinner.

This... This is what I'm talking about. This is what I mean when I'm talkin' about time, and death, and futility.

They welcomed it... not at first, but... right there in the last instant. It's an unmistakable relief. See, cause they were afraid, and now they saw for the very first time how easy it was to just... let go.

All your life--you know, all your love, all your hate, all your memories, all your pain--it was all the same thing. It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.

And like a lot of dreams, there's a monster at the end of it.

You see, we all got what I call a life trap - a gene deep certainty that things will be different...

Nothing's ever fulfilled, not until the very end. And closure - nothing is ever over.

I have seen the finale of thousands of lives, man. Young, old, each one so sure of their realness. You know that their sensory experience constituted a unique individual with purpose and meaning. So certain that they were more than biological puppet. The truth wills out, and everybody sees. Once the strings are cut, all fall down.

In eternity, where there is no time, nothing can grow. Nothing can become. Nothing changes. So Death created time to grow the things that it would kill.

And you are reborn, but into the same life that you've always been born into. I mean, how many times have we had this conversation? Well, who knows?

When you can't remember your lives, you can't change your lives, and that is the terrible and the secret fate of all life. You're trapped by that nightmare you keep waking up into.

I can see your soul at the edges of your eyes. It's corrosive, like acid.

Sometimes... this feeling like life has slipped through your fingers... like the future is behind you, like it's always been behind you.

There's a shadow on you, son.

I saw you in my dream. You're in Carcosa now with me... He sees you... You'll do this again... Time is a flat circle.

There's no such thing as forgiveness. People just have short memories.

All my life I wanted to be nearer to God. But the only nearness - silence.

Some people, no matter where they look, they see themselves.

You see, sometimes people... mistake a child as an answer for something, you know, like a way to change their story.

Look, as sentient meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgments: everybody judges, all the time. Now, you got a problem with that... You're livin' wrong.

Once there was only dark. If you ask me, the light's winning.

#roleplay meme #rp meme #askbox meme #inbox meme #sentence meme #sentence memes

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eyecicles · 5 years

Note

give me ALL THE QUESTIONS THEN please

MelloxMatt:

1. Who makes the first move and how?

Technically Mello, even though Matt had flirted with him for literal years:

“Hey Mello, your ass look great in those pants.”

“Yeah? Wanna touch it?”

“Are you fucking with me?”

“Only if you kiss me first.”

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

Definitely Mello. And like a lot of other DN characters, Mello places his entire sense of self-worth on a single goal, so there isn’t much you could try to cheer him up with. But I think he probably appreciates how much Matt trusts him and his abilities & Matt knows that there’s not much else he can do for him. Mello is not exactly the type who lets himself getting comforting by some nice words.

3. Who is the most romantic?

Neither of them is terribly romantic, haha. And that’s probably what they like about each other.

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

Matt. He doesn’t care what other people think and Mello wears clothes that are nice to touch all the time, so it’s his fault anyway (from point of his view). Mello doesn’t really mind as long as Matt doesn’t get his leather dirty.

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

Poor Mello is completely stunted emotionally, so I guess that falls on Matt. It would be in the middle of them lazing around & eating junk food together. “Dude, I love you, you know that, right?”

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

Matt would ask Near just for the lolz. Mello isn’t interested in casual threesomes so this would only work in a polyamorous relationship, imo.

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

They would break into an observatory or some shit

8. What do they like in bed?

I like to think of Mello as a powerbottom. He’s very intense and straightforward with lots of biting kisses, tongue, and tugging, and Matt would totally be into that. Probably loves to get ridden by Mello. And honestly, I think getting topped by Mello would be a scary but interesting experience - something you only want to do a couple of times. So while Matt wouldn’t be totally against it, he would only do it every few months or so.

Matt would also love to watch Mello strip, while Mello would get turned on by Matt’s adoring gaze. (Totally another DN character with a praise kink, ha!)

They would also be into simple humping and handjobs, I think, but I also hc Mello to be someone who gives great head, so yeah.

I’m sure both of them are pretty dirty and kinky, so I don’t even want to know what else they might do with each other.

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

Like L, Matt does everything in front of his partner. But one of the most embarrassing things was actually when he kicked in his monitor because some 12 years old set his helicopter on fire in GTA.

The most embarrassing thing Mello did, was falling asleep with a piece of chocolate in his open mouth.

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

Mello: Never Enough by The Cure, probably one of his own unfinished books so he can work on it there, a gun

Matt: Make It Wit Chu by Queens of The Stone Age, some shitty erotica, his NIntendo DS

11. What do they hide from one another?

Mello hides how hard he actually works. He wants to look competent and ingeniouseffortlessly.

Matt probably only hides some of his more disgusting porn magazines, haha

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Their relationship is based on a years-long friendship and I don’t think much would change. One day, they would look back and realise how long they already know each other, how long they made this relationship work and that they’re still an extremely good team, and that’s it.

13. When do they realise they should get together?

After the first time they have sex. Turns out sleeping with someone you care about can be more fulfilling than casual sex, after all.

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Mello sends Matt to the bedroom because he doesn’t want his bacteria anywhere near him.

Matt probably just laughs at Mello sniffling and sweating andmaybe offers him minty bubble gum.

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

I think they both are fans of Tarantino but it’s definitely Mello who gets the final vote, if they can’t agree on a movie. Matt also likes stuff with zombies, while Mello finds them ugly and prefers movies with a nicer (but still gritty) aesthetic.

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

With lots of dark humour, guns, and geekiness. They would do well enough, I imagine.

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go?

Oooh, that’s interesting! Probably to the future, but not to a date too many years ahead. Matt wants to see new technology and Mello just likes knowing things no one else knows about.

This actually sounds like a hilarious AU idea!

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

Matt will mainly make up via lame jokes but in a way that would make it clear to Mello that he’s sincerely sorry. Mello would simply invite Matt to a ride on his bike. If he’s still angry, though, it wouldn’t be the most comfortable experience, haha.

19. Where do they go on their first date?

I doubt they would go on “dates”

20. Where do they go on holiday?

Mainly California and Japan. I also have this hc that they would eventually buy a house in Brazil.

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

They would be a bit nervous about the possibility of ruining their lifelong friendship but otherwise they feel pretty secure and chill with each other & don’ think there’s much to worry about

22. Where does their first kiss happen?

In a shitty hotel room, right after Matt compliments Mello’s ass for the 973th time

23. Where is their favourite place to be together?

In Matt’s car

24. Where do they first have sex?

Also in a shitty hotel room - most likely on the floor. Mello prefers to have sex on hard surfaces & they rarely do it in bed.

25. Why do they fight?

They don’t fight often but Mello gets angry at Matt when he can sense that he’s worried about him. He wants Matt’s complete trust, no matter how insane his plans are.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

Uuh, definitely about Mello’s inferiority complex. Good luck, Matt, I don’t want to be you.

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them?

Because they so obviously have all those secret schemes and love to act self-important, like a power couple of one of the movies they love so much. They think they’re supercool, and sometimes they are, but often enough it’s just annoying.

28. Why do they get jealous?

Mello gets jealous because Matt doesn’t shut up about all the models, actors, and video game characters he finds hot. Even though Mello knows it doesn’t mean anything, it still annoys him a bit. Matt only feels a little jealous of Near sometimes, because he seems to be on Mello’s mind so often.

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

After many years, Mello realises that Matt indeed always has his back. He can trust him to bail him out of everything, he’s incredibly crafty, and, that’s something Mello almost doesn’t want to admit, Matt puts up with a lot of bullshit because of him.

Matt mainly falls more in love with Mello because of his incredible fighting spirit, creativity and ambition. He can’t relate to how hard Mello tries but he still finds it inspiring and admirable.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

It works because of how long they’ve known each other; they’re a well practised team and they compliment each other well, all while being mostly chill and honest with each other

#ask meme #anon #death note #mellodramattic #mattello #mello #matt #it's a fun ship

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yodawgiherd · 5 years

Text

In Pursuit

Rating: T

>>>Read on AO3<<<

It was cold outside, as one could expect at this time of the year, making Sasha shiver and bury deeper into her coat. That damn cook told her that his shift was ending, she checked her watch, fifteen minutes ago, yet here she was, and Niccolo was nowhere to be seen. Sitting in her wheelchair in front of the soup kitchen, she must have looked like a beggar, judging from the glances the passing pedestrians threw her way. Gritting her teeth, she just hoped that no one who actually knows her will walk past, because that would be rather embarrassing. Finally, after about five more minutes of her contemplating if the guy didn’t forget about her, Niccolo appeared, nodding in greetings as he came to stand next to her, hands hidden in the pockets of his jacket.

“What took you so long?”, Sasha hissed at him, righteously upset.

“What? I’m late?”, he frowned down at his phone, shrugging afterwards, “Whoops.”

Bastard. But she couldn’t antagonize him, he was the best lead she had.

“So, can we go?”, she asked, forcing a smile on her face despite really wanting to punch the smug bastard right between the eyes.. Or in his stomach, if she was being realistic, because she couldn’t reach his head.

“Just one last thing.”, Niccolo looked left and right, squatting to be on level with her, which simultaneously gave her the perfect opportunity to fulfill her dream of breaking his nose. With a lot of self- denial, she pushed that desire back. For now. “Is there something you didn’t tell me? Anything that could help us?”

“Gabi talked about needing a “fix” from time to time. Does that help?”

He nodded.

“Immensely.”, Niccolo grinned, “Luckily for you, I do have certain knowledge of the drug underworld here, so don’t worry. I know just the person to talk to.”. Standing up, he stretched, groaning when his back popped a bit. Spending the whole day behind counter and handing out soup was not exactly comfortable. “Shall we?”

With Niccolo leading, Sasha followed, wheeling herself next to him. The road was silent, with only the passing cars cutting into it. She was used to being around introverts, after all, she was Mikasa’s friend, but she wanted to know more about this guy, the I’m a cook and volunteer in soup kitchen profile didn’t really cut it for her, especially when she had to trust him with something as personal as this.

“So, Niccolo,”, she began, getting his attention, “your family is Italian?”

“Because of the name, huh?”, he smiled, “It does give it away, doesn’t it. Anyway, if you are interested, I was born and raised in America, but my grandfather was Italian.”, he looked down at Sasha, his voice dropping to a secretive whisper, “Apparently he was a mobster, and tried fucking with the wrong people, so he was forced to flee Italy to save his life. Crook can’t deal with a boss.”, he looked back forward, making sure that they were taking the right street. “That’s how mafia works.”

She watched his face with an unamused expression.

“You’re full of shit.”

“I know.”, Niccolo shrugged, “But it’s much more interesting than what actually happened. Dad simply wanted to live in America, so he came over and met mom here. Not much of a fun story now, is it.”

“I prefer the truth.”

“Suit yourself.”

Abruptly, he stopped, turning back to Sasha.

“We are here.”

Sasha wanted to ask what does “here” mean, but then she noticed a man coming their way, dark skinned youth in a buttoned-up jacket. He reached Niccolo, and they nodded at each other, before his gaze slid down to Sasha, and he frowned.

“Who’s this Nico? A cop?”

Before the cook could answer however, Sasha did it for him.

“Oh yes, I’m a policewoman, special wheelchair division.”, she patted the side of her seat to emphasize her point, “We specialize in chasing running suspects and climbing stairs.”

“Right, chill lady, I’m just careful.”, satisfied with her outburst, he turned back towards Niccolo, who extended his hand.

“You got the stuff?”

Instead of answering, the youth reached into his coat and pulled out a small plastic bag, stuffed with certain substance that she recognized from her college years.

“Weed? You’re buying weed? Do you two realize that it’s been legalized?”

So, they were doing all this sneaking around and cop accusations for a few grams of cannabis, which you can buy in a regular drugstore nowadays. Perfect, just perfect.

“I do know that.”, ignoring her, Niccolo pocketed the bag, “And I also know that I can get better price per gram here than in any other store. Plus, I’m also getting something else…. right?”

“Right.” Agreed the salesman, pulling out another package from his pockets of wonders, smaller this time, filled with pills. Sasha watched, wide-eyed, as Niccolo grinned in satisfaction, handing over some cash.

“So, we came here just so you can get your stuff? Or what the fuck did we walk all the way for?”

“All in due time.”, as if annoyed by her eagerness, he shook his head, looking up at his supplier. “Listen buddy, I need to know, have you seen a young girl recently? About thirteen, apparently going around with a guy of the same age. We just want to know if you sold her anything, and where.”

“I don’t deal with underage kids. Shit’s too risky.”, the dealer redirected his eyes at Sasha, “Sorry lady, can’t help.”

“Well, worth a shot, thanks anyway.”

With that, the man turned around and walked away the same way he came, doing his best not to look suspicious.

“Dead end?”

“Nah, not at all. An elimination tactic.”, Niccolo looked smug, even with Sasha glaring at him. “Now we know that she didn’t buy form this guy and can move on from here.”

“Ah, and you get your own fix in the meanwhile. Junkie.”

“I just take some stuff from time to time, to feel better.”, he patted the pocket where he hid the weed, “Nothing beats a joint after work.”

Whatever, Sasha wasn’t here to criticize his life choices. She came to find Gabi.

“So, what now?”

“Easy. Now we…”, but before Niccolo could finish his thought a motorbike stopped nearby, and a figure jumped off, removing the helmet to reveal a pale face framed by waterfall of shiny midnight hair. Sasha’s eyes widened. She knew that face very well.

“Sash? What are you doing here?”, Mikasa asked, her eyes flying over to Niccolo, measuring him. “Who’s this?”

“This? Uhm that’s…. eh..”, Sasha’s brain was working in overdrive, trying to figure out an excuse that her friend would buy. It had to be something real, something good, because Mikasa was far from stupid, and wouldn’t buy just anything. “A cook?”

“Cook?”, the biker wondered, looking back at him.

Niccolo smiled, giving Mikasa a small nervous wave. He seemed to be shrinking where he stood, rather intimidated by her presence.

“Yes, a cook. Me, Armin and Connie are considering adding a kitchen for our bar, and this guy, Niccolo, is one of the potential hires to work there.”, she nodded, satisfied with her fabrication, “It’s of course just a possibility, nothing is certain.”

“Okay… But why are you meeting out on the street?”

Damn she was persistent.

“We just wanted to get some fresh air.”

Mikasa seemed to be turning her statements over in her head, eyes flicking from Sasha to Niccolo and back. The whole thing didn’t seem right, not at all, but she had no intention of trying to act like a Spanish inquisition towards her friend and just grill her out in the street. Sasha’s life was her own. Faking her best, “I understand”, expression, she took a step back towards her ride.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then.”, she finally spoke, putting her helmet back on and mounting the bike with a practiced movement. “See you around Sash. Niccolo”

With that, she kicked the machine back to life, and with a screeching of tires disappeared after taking a sharp corner. Sasha exhaled in relief, wiping her brow. Crisis averted.

“Fuck.”, Niccolo breathed out as soon as Mikasa was gone, hanging his head, “She was scary.”

“Scary?”, Sasha blinked in surprise, not sure where that was coming from. She wouldn’t call Mikasa scary, but then again, they each other for a very long time. It was hard imagining someone as scary after you saw them wiggling on the bed, trying to hide beneath the blanket moaning “Just five more minutes.”, when you tried waking them up in time for class.

“Yea, with the bike and her figure and the black leather clothes and stuff, she looked like a gangster.”, he gestured towards his face, “the dark lipstick and narrowed eyes didn’t really help it either. And the way she looked at me, it was just…”, he ran out of words, shrugging. “Scary.”

“And here I thought you knew how mafia worked.”, Sasha couldn’t stop herself from poking fun at him, just a little bit, for all his previous bullshitting. Felt good.

“Yea well,”, he let out a breathy laugh, “this one was definitely a hitman.”

Finally collecting his bearings, he straightened, giving Sasha a wink.

“Let’s go.”

“You never told me where we are going now.”, she said as she followed him, matching his tempo.

“Oh right, it’s a…. well, how do I say it, a house where you can shoot your stuff into the vein without fear of someone robbing you and raping you after. Safe house of sorts.”

“Crack house.”, Sasha corrected him.

“You could say that. They do sell more than crack though, they are rather well supplied.”

“Wonderful.”

“It’s a good thing.”, he pointed out, “Since we don’t know what Gabi’s thing is, we can’t filter places by what they sell.”

“How do you even know all these people?”, Sasha wondered, “Wild youth?”

“Grew up around them.”, he said, but didn’t elaborate further. This conversation was over.

The rest of their way was quiet, as Sasha sensed that she broached a sensitive topic that Niccolo didn’t have any intention of speaking about. The destination showed to be a rundown building, the stairs at the front flanked by three guys, lounging around. Not suspicious at all.

“Wait here.”, Niccolo ordered, crossing the street to meet the welcoming party.

Ignoring her gut, which was telling her that this was a bad idea, Sasha watched him swagger right into them, greeting the one who stood up with a raised hand. They talked between themselves, with the guard pointing at Sasha, demanding something, but Niccolo calmed him with a few choice words. After a bit more discussion, and some money flowing from the cook’s pocket to the sentry’s, they parted, with Niccolo returning to her with a thoughtful expression.

“Didn’t see her either.”, he said, shaking his head.

Sasha could feel the desperation in her rising. Nothing at the guy they met before, nothing here. What now?

“He did promise that he will put a word out, for a small fee.”, seeing her so crestfallen, he put a hand on her shoulder, “Don’t worry, she will turn up. Sooner or later.”

“Why would he help you? Just for the money?”

“That and other things. Dealing with a minor is tricky, if you get caught the authorities will fuck you hard.”, he stammered, cheeks coloring slightly. “Excuse my language.”

So, he drags her through a meeting with a drug dealer, to a street where a crack house is, and he still apologizes for swearing. This guy.

“It’s quite all right. Thanks for the help today.”, burying her hands in her pockets, she blinked up at him. “But what do we do now?”

“Now we wait. I’ll contact you as soon as someone finds her, I promise.” He handed her his phone, watching Sasha put her number in. He chuckled. “Gotta be honest, this is the hardest I ever worked for getting a girl’s number.”

“Then you had it easy.”, Sasha answered, returning both his phone and his smile. “Wonderful first date, I learned a lot about drug dealing in our city. Call me?”

Niccolo pocketed his device.

“Count on it.”

Half a city away, Mikasa sat in a random bar, replaying the weird encounter in her head. From time to time, she liked to just take her bike and ride, with no destination in mind, simply enjoying the way the motor purred between her legs. What she didn’t expect however, was her meeting Sasha in a rather unpleasant part of town, accompanied by a short blond guy, talking out in the street. She circled the cold bottle of coke with her fingers, studying the mental image she made of them. Both Sasha and the guy, Niccolo, seemed nervous, and the excuse that she was interviewing him to be a cook at the bar didn’t sit well with her at all. Why would you look for a staff, when your establishment has no kitchen? Mikasa was also rather familiar with the layout, as she spent a lot of her free time there, helping, and she knew that there were no plans on building anything new. But even if her friend told her that the guy was a waiter or something more credible, she would still have very strong doubts about it. Talking in the street, in that part of the town? Yea right.

The meeting plagued her mind, so much in fact that she couldn’t focus on driving, so she took the first exit she saw and went to sit down, entering a bar she never visited before. There were a lot of bikes in the front, and the interior was half full of leather clad men and women, making her realize that this was most likely some kind of biker meeting point. With her clothes, she fit right in. The atmosphere was nice, rock music playing, with most of the patrons playing pool, talking and laughing between themselves. No one seemed to be paying any attention to her, which suited her just fine, until a man emerged from the crowd, coming to sit down next to her.

“Now what’s a beauty like you doing here all alone?”, he asked with a suggestive smile.

His intentions were easy to guess, so instead of answering, Mikasa held up her hand, letting the light shine on her engagement ring, offering him an apologetic shrug, hoping that he will understand. To her own surprise, he did.

“That’s a damn shame.”, he muttered, standing up, “Have a great evening miss.”

And with that, the well-mannered biker returned to his group, leaving her alone. With that out of the way, she was once again free to think about Sasha. What was she doing there? The dramatic explanation would of course be cheating on Connie, but her friend wasn’t that kind of person. Sure, she was way more socially active than Mikasa, having a number of boyfriends and even some short flings in college, but to her knowledge she never cheated on anyone, ever. Then again, what other solutions were there? Why would she just hang around bad neighborhood with a random dude, chilling on the street? Mikasa had no idea. Finishing her coke, she decided to go back out for another ride, hoping that the wind and the sound of engine will put her mind to ease.

The door creaked closed behind her, as she jumped on her bike once more, speeding away.

#fanfic #snk #eremika #sasha braus #niccolo #gabi

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