#fall thoughts

[fuckyeahisawthat]

“I don’t think that is what God wants. And I don’t think you want it either.”

This line of Aziraphale’s in the Job minisode keeps sticking out to me. Because this is the heart of the problem, right? This is how Aziraphale can see Crowley so completely and also not at all.

Because yes they suck at open communication and yes it’s because they had to hide their relationship for thousands of years and have so so so much trauma and fear to work through. But ALSO they actually do have a profound difference in how they see the world that keeps coming between them, and it’s not just theoretical but deeply personal to both of them.

Because Aziraphale still wants to believe that God is good. He can’t let go of that because his whole identity is wrapped up in being an angel of the Lord, and if God’s not good then what has he been doing for his entire existence?

And so when bad things are happening he falls back on This cannot be what God wants. The whole of season one, he refuses to believe that God could really want the world to end—even though we now know he knew this was a possibility before the world even started. He keeps going up the chain of command, trying to find someone to intervene. “That’s why I’m going to have a word with the Almighty and then the Almighty will fix it.” As if God doesn’t have all the information or hasn’t been paying attention.

And really, the events of season one reinforce this worldview for him. Because if the Archangel Fucking Gabriel isn’t sure what God wants, then maybe God did want them to stop Armageddon. Maybe it was Aziraphale and Crowley who were doing God’s work after all.

He’s gotten as far as realizing that Heaven’s orders are not the same thing as God’s will, but he still hasn’t detached the concepts of Good and Right from God in his worldview.

Crowley is a good person who does the right thing so he must still be an angel deep down. “I know the angel you were.” The only way Aziraphale can conceptualize Crowley saving Job’s children is, “Come on, you’re a little bit on our [God’s] side.” So Crowley’s fall was a mistake; Crowley belongs in Heaven, where he was so happy before the Fall. Why wouldn’t he want to be an angel again? And yeah maybe Heaven sucks now but God is still good, so there’s hope that the system can be reformed with a change of leadership, and Heaven can be made to actually do good, the way God always intended.

But that’s not how Crowley sees the world at all. He is operating with an entirely different understanding of reality. Because he figured out a long time ago (at least by the time of the Job job, but probably long before that) that you can’t base your sense of morality on what you think God wants. Not just because you don’t know for sure, but because sometimes God’s plans are fucking awful. God in Good Omens is not kind to Her creations. She doesn’t tolerate questions or doubts or disobedience. She’s capricious, turning on the creatures She made and killing a bunch of them when She’s in a bad mood. She punishes indiscriminately and disproportionately. She wagers human lives like gambling chips. The kids were supposed to be dead no matter who won the bet.

I think it’s interesting that Crowley is the one who introduces the idea in season one of “What if the Almighty planned it like this all along? From the very beginning.” That’s probably a comforting thought to Aziraphale, soothing his anxieties about going against Heaven right when he is feeling acute distress at the idea of no longer having a side. (And, in that particular moment, no longer even having a bookshop.)

But it’s not a comforting thought to Crowley. Have you seen what happens when God has a plan for you? It fucking sucks. Woe betide you if you’re the Barbie God decides to play with today. (At bare minimum, you’re coming back with some burn marks and a weird haircut.)

I’ve brought up the line “There are no right people. There’s just God, moving in mysterious ways and not talking to any of us” before, and I tend to focus on the “there are no right people” part. But also, there’s just God.

Aziraphale tends to draw a distinction between God’s will and Heaven’s orders when it suits him, and collapse that distinction when it doesn’t. Crowley almost never differentiates between God and Heaven. There’s just God, and She’s not going to explain why this is happening or listen to pleas for mercy (although Crowley still tries). You can’t trust Heaven or Hell, and you can’t count on God to show up and make everything all right. Sometimes God is in fact the reason that things are not all right. You’re on your own.

(And. Look. Crowley is right on this one. There are certainly aspects of their relationship where they’re both equally responsible for things being a shitshow, but the text is pretty unambiguous about Crowley, a demon, having the most accurate read on the nature of God in the world of Good Omens out of any of the metaphysical characters.)

Crowley rebuilt his entire sense of self, alone, after the Fall. He created himself anew and developed his own moral compass and sense of identity independent of both Heaven and Hell. “The angel you knew is not me.” When Crowley does the right thing, that’s not his angel-ness shining through; that’s just Crowley.

And from a like, trauma recovery point of view, it’s actually very healthy for him to have the realization that sometimes God’s just kind of a dick. He didn’t do anything to deserve getting kicked out of Heaven. None of them did. Just God messing them about because She didn’t like being questioned, or She wanted to see what would happen, or She needed two sides for Reasons and didn’t much care who was on one or the other, or She’s playing some fucked up little game for Her own amusement. (And if there was some Great Plan that required Crowley to fall…well, that is also fucked up. Because it doesn’t matter if there was a reason. It still hurt.)

And while Crowley in general is extremely patient with Aziraphale and his slow, halting journey away from Heaven…it’s gotta sting, every time Aziraphale doesn’t want to believe that God could be cruel, when Crowley is standing right fucking there. It’s gotta hurt when Aziraphale refuses to see something that Crowley knows to be true through his own lived experience. Because it should be enough. What happened to him should be enough to make someone who loves him walk away from Heaven and never look back. And it isn’t.

But of course Crowley is one hundred percent not going to talk about this, if he is even fully self-aware about having these thoughts, because it’s far too painful and vulnerable. (He talks to plants, goats, God, and no one in a bar at the end of the world, but never to Aziraphale.) And so he says “Tell me you said no” and “I think I understand a lot better than you do” because he can’t say Choose me. Just this once, choose me and he can’t say Believe me.

And Aziraphale is not going to think about all this and work it out for himself, because he has a massive lump of denial centered around exactly this thing, that sometimes God hurts people who didn’t do anything to deserve it. I’m sure he’s thought about the Fall in abstract terms, enough to be afraid of it, but not in terms of this is a thing that happened to a person I love. And he has certainly not allowed himself to draw any conclusions about the nature of God from it, because that is far too scary a prospect.

And so they’re stuck. Until they can figure out how to remove this massive landmine from the center of their relationship, they are going to keep having the same fight over and over again, and they’re going to keep hurting each other without fully understanding why.

#do you know HOW HARD it is to write genuine ideological conflict that also feels deeply personal?? and they did it SO WELL #i am in awe tbh #good omens #good omens s2 #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #heaven #hell #god #the god in good omens is not nice and you can’t convince me otherwise #is a tag i have from s1 and i’m sticking with it #fall thoughts

[bunniesbearsandadventures]

I thank who ever is up above for creating pumpkins.

Without it autumn would only have apples and maple trees for its theme and IDK if I could handle that.

#just completley random #random #fall thoughts #autumn #i love the orange round thing

[nostalgebraist]

If Pikachu were real, it would not be a very pleasant animal. An enormous mouse that shocks you like an electric eel. I would run from these beasts

#i said this exact string of words to esther last night shortly before falling asleep #and then i thought ''that sounds like a tumblr shitpost'' #and so here we are.

[kavaleyre]

• The Hanged Man •

“Compared to what Falin went through? This is nothing.”

#my art #laios touden #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi laios #hanged man #falin touden #dungeon meshi spoilers #cw blood #walk it off kid walk it off #I really thought hanged man was a good choice for this moment #hanged man is all about sacrifice and introspection and intuition #and a moment of trials that lead to clarity #also when he was falling??? with the blood out of the dragons mouth??? #stunning #i love him so much #the line art for this was so fast and then I colored and revolted the flats for like. 20 hours #like how it turned out in the end tho #kavaleyre

[fandomsandfeminism]

Yall wanna hear a kinda funny, kinda sad story about my grandmother and hetero-normativity?

Ok, so... when my grandmother was in her 50s (I was an infant), she met a woman at the Unitarian Church. And, as can happen when you meet your soul mate, this event made it impossible for her to deny parts of herself that she had fiercely hidden her whole life.

All the drama- their affair being found out, the divorce with my grandfather, the court battle over who got the house, happened while I was a baby. Even in my earliest memories, it's just Mama Jo and Oma, and my grandfather lived elsewhere (first his own apartment, then a nursing home, then with us.)

But here's the thing- no one ever explained any of this to me. No one ever sat down and was like "hey, Rosie, so do you know what a lesbian is?" It was the 90s. It was Texas. I think my mom was still kinda processing all this, and just assumed that like... I was gonna figure it out. Don't mention it, let it just be normal. Like I think my mom thought that if she explained the situation, she would be making it weird? I dunno.

But like. In the 90s, in all the movies I had seen and books I had read, do you know how many same sex couples I had seen? Like. 0. Do you know how many "platonic best friend/roommates" I had seen? A lot. I had no context, is what I'm saying.

I literally thought this was a Golden Girls, roommates, besties situation until I was like...I dunno, 11? 12?

It was actually their parrot, an African Grey named Spike, imitating my grandmothers voice saying "Johanna, honey, it's getting late", that triggered the MIND BLOWN moment as I realized that *there's only one master bedroom and it only has 1 waterbed* when all the pieces finally clicked.

Anyway. I think it's a real important thing for kids to know queer people exist, for a lot of reasons, but also because kids can be clueless and it's embarrassing to have your grandmother be outted by a parrot because everyone just thought you'd figure it out on your own.

Anyway, here is my grandma and her wife, my Oma, after they moved to Albuquerque to be artsy gay cowboys and live their best life. They helped run a "Lesbian Dude Ranch" out there (basically just with funding and financial support. As Oma has explained "traditionally, most lesbians don't have a lot of money" so they wrote the checks and let the younger ladies actually run the ranch.)

#this is the grandmother who passed away unexpectedly earlier this month #she was so cool yall #and so weird #they got married twice by the way once when Massachusetts legalized it and once when New Mexico did #they hiked the grand canyon together #they had a european river cruise planned for this fall #she was 89 and she wanted to see the whole world with her wife #and they were working on it #literally i thought they were roommates #and there was only one bed

[kedreeva]

There's some dude (derogatory) on FB who is PISSED people are pricing their farm fresh eggs at $2 and $3 a dozen instead of $4+, saying it's "disrespectful" and "undignified" and "I'm trying to feed my kids" like Sir, you are on a Facebook group page bitching about your neighbors egg prices because your pet chickens aren't earning you a living wage and you think it's your neighbors' fault, you do not have a leg to stand on here wrt dignity.

Also half the answers are like "I give them to friends and family free" or "I donate them to food banks" or "I'm making them affordable to folks who might not otherwise be able to get them now that they're so expensive in the store" and "if you think you're going to turn a profit keeping backyard chickens you have been wildly misled" and so on, and so forth, and I'm so living for it.

and I can tell you right now, he did NOT like my answer of "if you're trying to feed your kids, I hear eggs are edible."

#chickens #like buddy you are never going to actually make a profit #and if by some miracle you do #it's going to be VERY SMALL #Considering the money you put into building or buying a coop #plus feed and bedding and equipment (waterers feeders perches etc) costs #egg cartons and enrichment and gas to go get the feed #the cost you (personally) probably put into building the egg stand you mentioned #a 50lbs bag of feed will feed 12 adult chickens for 8 days #12 chickens generally lay 6-12 eggs per day #usually less in the fall and may even stop in winter #a 50lb bag of feed is usually $12-15 #and you wasted the first 6 months going eggless until they were old enough to lay #and that doesn't factor in oyster shell or anything else you may need to do for them #like worming or treating for coccidia or anything #and doesn't take into account your time #like asjh;dsfkgdh you really thought you were gonna make a buck doing this??? #wank for ts

[simplyjustagirlsblog]

i love laura palmer

#laura palmer #twin peaks #twin peaks fire walk with me #twin peaks spoilers #fire walk with me #meanwhile #david lynch #audrey horne #dale cooper #special agent dale cooper #shelly johnson #mark frost #twin peaks the missing pieces #stars hollow #fall aesthetic #funny memes #lynchian #the secret diary of laura palmer #just girly thoughts #just girly things #you like your girls insane #tumblr girls #girlblogging #girl blogging #female hysteria #female manipulator #female experience #girl blogger #girl interrupted #girls icons

[memento-mori-twilight]

Looking out into the middle distance of a fall-colored forest, sitting on the wooden porch of a cabin in a porch swing lightly swaying under the power of my body and sipping a steaming cup of hot tea...

Me: ... I hope Alan Moore is having a good day.

#alan moore #v for vendetta #november 5th #comics #random thoughts #fall thoughts

[anxiouslytrekking]

I don't want to live in a world

Made of hard edges.

I want to be

Soft and comfortable

And surrounded by people who also want

To be soft and comfortable.

To love one another and not hurry,

To see each other purely.

#fall thoughts #why has September sucked #sad girl september

[peridot-tears]

Truths that Co-Exist

Barbie (2023) is a giant product placement that profits off nostalgia.

The writing is profound and life-changing and understands why we seek nostalgia in a way most nostalgia-driven entertainment doesn’t.

The film is self-aware about how even now, Barbie dolls set incredibly unrealistic beauty standards. Their “body diversity” does not even scratch the surface of what that phrase really means. I don’t expect this to change.

The film still made a beautiful statement with the scene on the bench about how societal beauty standards are narrow and restrictive! And that beauty comes from experiencing life and the marks it leaves on you!

Its feminist statements are validating. Many of us see our reality onscreen, and the great thing is that it includes how cishet men fall down a pipeline of toxic hypermasculinity. It also shows the solution, and allows men to express themselves despite what society expects them to be.

The film is a capitalist venture.

The cast (aside from the leads) and crew were probably overworked and severely underpaid during filmmaking.

We can still appreciate that something fun was made, and we all made another wonderful memory where we and our loved ones went to the movies color-matching in pink.

We should not feel guilty about seeing ourselves in this film.

Meanwhile, support the WGA and SAG-Aftra strike.

#i am kenough #barbie #barbie 2023 #i have a lot of thoughts about this film but i had fun #ken #barbenheimer #barbie movie #margot robbie #ryan gosling #i wanted to sob at seeing simu liu having fun onscreen tbh #tears falling like peridots

[egophiliac]

I've had a beast of a cold for the last few days, but I wanted to get this out before the new year! while I've sort of made my peace with my first take on Lilia's UM poster, I really wanted to do a version with the new context that chapter 6 gave us. because. c'mon.

(don't worry, Lilia can carry ALL HIS KIDS AT ONCE)

#art #twisted wonderland #unique magic posters #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #the dragon cradle does make me laugh #no look i understand it's a ~visual metaphor~ for malleus' isolation #(and also lets lilia run up a bunch of steps all dramatically later) #but the image of this enormous ten-story cradle with the teeny tiny little egg in the middle of it is pretty hilarious #the draconias are SO extra about everything #now if you'll excuse me i have to go fall over for what remains of the year #happy 2024! #(i apologize to the poor person who asked a cute question about meleanor and got a giant cold medicine-induced essay in response :') #(i have been incapable of coherent thought for...a while now)

[bixels]

Hot to the Touch

(Sunset x Thea)

#mlp #sunset shimmer #twilight sparkle #twiset #my art #fanart #the grand galloping 20s #illustration #rarijack is my funny goofy ship your american drama “the fashionista falls for the farmgirl!” #but twiset is my pull at your heartstrings drama romance shit #at least for this au #what if thea was the only one who could calm sunset's rage #what if sunset knows she should hate thea for “replacing” her for being the witch she was supposed to be but she can't bring herself to #what if thea was the guiding star who saves sunset's soul and brought laughter and peace and love back into her jaded tired life #what if they loved each other more than they ever thought they could but it wasn't meant to last. sunset must leave and thea must stay. #what if i ran off a bridge

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

{Words by L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea/ Jacqueline Woodson, If You Come Softly}

#october #fall #web weaving #words #quotes #classic literature #literature #dark acadamia aesthetic #quote #poem #poetry #prose #halloween #dark acadamia quotes #writing #spilled thoughts #books #english literature #bookworm #books and libraries #lit #dark academia #light academia #chaotic academia #romantic academia #academia #typography #spilled ink #book quotes #autumn

[joy-drops]

#i was gonna make this a text post but thought #why would i do that when i can make it easily consumable via meme #tbh love this format its so easy and hits the spot #My Wish Is to Fall in Love Until You Die #Kimi ga Shinu made Koi wo Shitai #my memes #my bs

[kittykalliarts]

For decades, the blank vision that Iudex Neuvillette wears near his heart has been subject to much discussion in Fontaine. Nobody remembers who it had once belonged to or why the ancient dragon protected it so jealously. It is said that if the Chief Justice would to stare at it for a long while, it would be sure to rain right after. Oh, how beloved that person must've been.

#genshin impact #genshin fanart #neuvillette #visions #wriolette #wriollette #neuvithesley #myart #sorry for the short drabble? #kasndkansd i have emotions over a simple thought i had #the tragedy for someone eternal to fall for someone who's here for only a brief moment eats away at me hhhh #it started with a funny thought of IF neuvillette needs to carry a fake vision for some reason after laughing at the archons for it #and then i remembered how people like kazuha would hold onto their loved one's masterless vision after they died #one thing led to another and now we have some wriolette angst with neuvillette cherishing wrio's masterless vision #after his inevitable passing #and idk if its just the traveller or if its even canon #but i like to think that neuv being a sovereign he would be able to hear the ambition of one's vision and maybe just maybe #he can use wrio's masterless vision to listen to his voice albeit ever so softly

[vielesundnichts]

- reyna biddy

#fall in love #love poem #lovers #poetry #poets on tumblr #universe #literature #alternative #positive quotes #positive thoughts #feelings #deep feelings #thoughts #emotions #heartbreak #lost love #breakup #self healing #healingjourney #forgiveness #strength #growth #authenticity #gratitude #life lessons #thinking