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jeffbiblesupremacy · 1 year

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Jeff's interview for Mint Magazine Thailand

Let’s Make Everyday SATURday (x)

Translation below

After KinnPorsche The Series World Tour 2023 and Jeff Satur Live on Saturn: First Solo Concert in Bangkok, the first solo concert of Jeff Worakamon Satur ended beautifully, and Mint and him met again to catch up about his works. Jeff has grown tremendously as an artist who has his music but also his acting and he has shown his skills to the eyes of the Saturdays throughout the year.

It is believed that the definition of the world "artist" is different for each person. For Jeff Worakamon Satur, also known as Jeff Satur, being an artist is being a storyteller, to convey the stories to the audience with sincerity and spirituality, and without any frame or line, because Jeff's artistic prowess is boundless, just like the story he's going to tell you in this interview.

Mint: What role do you identify with the most? Being a singer or being an actor?

Jeff: In fact, my root is being an artist. I feel like the responsibility of an artist is telling stories. For me, I started with telling stories through songs. Then it expanded to tell stories through acting. Therefore, I'm not looking at myself as a singer or an actor. I'm an artist that shows my true self to the audience.

Mint: What made you come back to music?

Jeff: I don't reckon it as a coming back to music. I’ve never left. I have continued working on my music. Just that, at that time, there was an interesting opportunity for acting. The role was interesting, it fitted me, and I could do it great. Kinnporsche is the only story. I can confirm that music is still my priority tho.

Mint: What criteria do you use to choose a show/role?

Jeff: Actually, there is nothing specific, but it has to be a story that interest me. Personally, I've been listening and telling stories since I was a kid. I like listening stories, watching movies, watching cartoons, watching series, and devouring every story. I grew up with these stories, so I live with a lot of them. I look for new and interesting stories with different plots that make me feel like I want to be part of those storie

Mint: What inspired you to choose Kinnporsche when you just had re-debuted with Warner Music?

Jeff: I get this question a lot during interviews. The first question always was "do you see yourself as a musician or as an actor?" and I would answer "I'm a singer, I don't like acting. I can't do it". In the past, I had never accepted an acting job and I always wanted someone else to be in my MVs, because I didn't like acting and I didn't like to see my face on the screen. I was like I just want to sign autographs, let someone else do the acting instead.

My re-debut with Warner Music was 2 years ago, and I chose the "No boundaries" concept, because I wanted my work had no limits or line. I feel like I've grown up in a way that I shouldn't have a limit to work in anything. If I want to tell something or play something, I just do it. The division is a fictional thing. Being a singer. Being a actor. Even about women and men, about love. All of them are human-made frameworks. I decided to cut them off and focus on being an artist in my own way.

Mint: Do you think you'll change more in the future?

Jeff: I can't answer for the future. It may changed. But now... I don't know. Maybe I will be more open or maybe narrow down until I can find something that truly fits me. In this moment, I feel like the more I open, the more I can see clearer what fits me and what not. Where and how much I can add myself into the works. At the end of the day, all the 6 songs I released are totally different but they all are my songs and they are me today.

Mint: Are you happy with your old works?

Jeff: I'm very happy. I'm happy with everything I've done, even with my old works.

Mint: Since the day you joined Be On Cloud, do you feel like you have grown up?

Jeff: I've grown up a lot. Working with Be On Cloud has been one of the most important moments in my life. Their work culture have made me grown a lot. P'Pong has taught me how to grow up, how to change in terms of working methods and how to think as well, not only as an artist but also as a person who wants to follow a direction as a CEO.

Mint: What's do you think is the difference between Be On Cloud and Warner’s work culture?

Jeff: P'Pond is a very creative person, he's an artist whose projects are very sexy. I got a lot of great things from him, both as an artist and as an executive, and it has a balanced level of familiarity and professionalism.

Warner is being very professional since the beginning, and as time goes on, it's becoming a family with the Global Company system. Although it's a professional style, you can feel the human touch and the love is put into work.

Mint: Personally, what kind of working culture are you most comfortable with?

Jeff: I like both. They have different advantages, so I decided I want to try it for myself. And Studio on Saturn was born, wich is a Jeff Satur Management Company (laughs). It's a co-management with Warner Music, which means I'm in charge of the creative direction and they will help me to make them come true.

Mint: Has working with these two companies changed you?

Jeff: I think the change has to do more with myself and being working in different genres. The more I open up, the more I feel myself, and the more I have the desire to be myself. Especially when I look back to my acting roles, I feel like there are still parts that I want to expand and play on the stage. I started to see clearly what I like in the show. For example my last MV has a lot of me personally than the first MV I released. Working with Be On Cloud and Warner Music have encouraged me and let me dare to be myself.

Mint: So before that, you didn't dare to be yourself?

Jeff: I didn't dare. In the past, I was quite afraid of how others would look at me. I was afraid that people would categorize me in a way that I didn't want to. So I didn't dare to do anything. For example, it took me 3 years to upload my first video on YouTube, because it was easier just to sit in front of the mirror and play the guitar comfortably, without lightning or a camera. It turns out you have to be the one who dares to take yourself out, just by yourself.

Mint: Why didn't you dare to be yourself back then?

Jeff: I think it was because I didn't know how to be myself. I used to not believe what I thought was right. Some cultures make you think that being yourself is not always right. For example, when I was a kid, if I painted my nails or wore eyeliner, I would be teased by my friends. The society didn't empower me to be myself. At home, my mum supported me but when I was outside, the society looked at me in a different way.

Nowadays, there is a lot of talk about gender diversity and beauty standards. I think it has opened many doors for everyone to dare to be themselves more without having to care about what people think/say.

Mint: So we can say that Jeff is being himself now.

Jeff: Yes, in the past, when I was on stage, I was myself but at the same time, I was worried if I was singing right or if I was performing right. If I had to walk or stay still. If I had to come back to the middle of the stage... It turned out that the focus was wrong. Even if I still focus on the work, I can say that I'm 100% myself.

For example my last concert ended without me even realizing it (laughs). The audience probably felt the same way. It went so quickly that I didn't even have time to think anything. I just performed.

Mint: What do you get from Kinnporsche?

Jeff: I always get something back to be someone other than myself. Whether from 'Kim' in KinnPorsche or 'Dan' that I played in the drama "Closer", they always teach me something. From Kim's character I got the courage from him without knowing it. I developed some skills and now they're part of me implicitly. I dare to be myself because Kim's courage came to me.

Mint: You're famous now. Is it what you were waiting for?

Jeff: I don't think I'm famous but my work is more widely known. But it's not something I was yearning for (laughs) I just want people to listen to my music. I want these songs to reach them. What I'm most proud of is that my work has inspired others. I used to write a blog and the message of my blog has helped many people who wanted to commit suicide and I got messages back to tell me they feel better because of my work. No matter what kind of work, but I feel like this is the essence of being an artist. I want my work to inspire others. That's what means to be an artist for me.

Mint: How much does Jeff Satur value his fame today?

Jeff: I value the work. Some people may look at how-well known you are as a success, which it's not wrong, but I feel if you pay attention to how famous you are, you will have the wrong focus. If you're chasing after fame, it will never come to you. But if you work for doing a good job, then the fame will eventually be there. The most important thing is don't compete with other, compete with yourself. Also, fame will be gone one day, and Jeff Satur will not be here forever. But as long as I can be someone's inspiration and sell produce good works, then I will do my best.

Mint: Do you think Kinnporshe has helped people to get to know you?

Jeff: Very much, very much. It's being one of the most important turning points in my life. Including the song "Why don't you stay" has make people to get to know me and listen to my other songs as well. It has pushed me both in my acting career and my music career.

Mint: Have you ever felt sorry that people didn't know you before Kinporsche?

Jeff: I think everything has its own time. If I listen to "Afraid to say" now, I would need to cover my ears (laughs). I felt it was not the right time. I have improved my singing a lot as well as my confidence, which back then was not as strong as today. The stage is my safe place now, and I feel so relaxed on it. I can live there. So I would say everything, including my perception, is at the perfect time. Not better, not worse, but just perfect. It's the best moment.

Mint: Have KinnPorsche The Series World Tour 2023 help you to support your next step?

Jeff: It has helped. The World Tour allowed me to meet people that I don't usually meet like fans abroad. There are places like Taipei, Vietnam or Singapore that I'd never been to, But once I went and I could see how there are people who actually listen to my songs and they sing in Thai is wow, so there is an opportunity to do a World Tour.

Mint: We’ve seen you being more playful on stage, what gives you the courage to unlock this part of you?

Jeff: I've said before that fans like to do memes with my face, right? Like when they find something funny or hilarious. They do like everything about me, even the parts I don't like at all, so I don't have to be cool all the time if I can make them happy anyway. In fact, we're crazy people. When I go to stage, it's the same. I'm tired of "oh, the camera is here, give me a good angle" (laughs)

Mint: Your first solo concert is the starting point or a checkpoint?

Jeff: It's the end of the last chapter. It's the beginning of a new chapter and the end of the last chapter. Oh, what a poet! (laughs). I never thought I could tell the story of my life at the beginning of my concert. The VCR is like a video that I wrote about what I experienced when I was a child, what I used to play and what kind of music I used to hear. There I was playing with Joey, then I was playing the harp, and listening to Korean music too. Perhaps people don't know it, but I'm a Korean music fan, so I picked all of these things to tell. There are many things in my life that have been conveyed through this concert.

Mint: Was your first idea for the VCR like this?

Jeff: Have you ever watched Evangelion? It's an anime and the ending is very confusing, but I think the idea was cool, so I though Why don't I try to tell life stories? Think about it like a sound is made with a story, so every sound has a story, and everyone has a different sound, but also I have a sound that I've collected unconsciously. I want to tell people that there are sounds for everyone. Sometimes there are songs that sound bad but there are not bad songs. There isn't a sad song for everyone or a love song for everyone. it's just one of your songs.

As for the sound of tearing the screen... At that time, I thought it was a cool idea (laughs). That part is dark, right, and then it starts tearing. I explained it to my team and everyone was confused so I got acrylics colors and black paper and I painted it to show them what I wanted and they finally got it. I watched that scene a lot of times and everyone was like, "hey, what's going on?" (laughs). It was just like I imagined in my head, but I didn't do it in the middle of the stage as I wanted at first.

Mint: How do you handle your ideas when you're working with others?

Jeff: First of all, I write them down. Write them all over my phone no matter if they're good or bad ideas. But write them down first. Then, the next day I will check them to see if there's something that works. As for the moment when I have to show them to others... sometimes I have problems explaining them so I have to make them first to see what it will be like. But everyone is always respectful and understand it.

Mint: In addition to this idea, you also chose all the songs for the setlist.

Jeff: Yes, I chose all of them and put them together. The videos, the ideas, the outfits, the set... I feel like people will think that the performance is very serious, but it's a place for us. I feel like I live on stage because it's my safe zone so I want it to represent me.

Mint: Why did you decide to put the song "ไม่กล้าบอกชัด" (Afraid to say) on the setlist?

Jeff: It's a reminder of the beginning. I've reached a safest point, the middle, but this song is part of me and it reminds me of my childhood and how he's known as Jeff Satur now, so why not sing the first song that made me known? I sang this first song with him in the back of my mind. We're far away and maybe he can't see us clearly but I sang that song with him. Slowly I've come forward and end up on a stage, so it was like meeting him with the first song.

Mint: You are involved in every step of your work so, do you get obsessed with the result?

Jeff: It's hard, like in the music video, I sat and edited it as well. I sat and use an editing program to tap and see the frames because I wanted the image in my head to come out as straight as possible. P'Pan, who is the director, helped me. If my idea wasn't working, I had P'Pan to guide me. He listened to my idea and my story and helped me to write it, so I have to thank him very much.

Mint: What else will we see in the next step?

Jeff: There are many things that I can't say but I'm very excited to try out. I still want to try to play in a movie which it's something I've never done before. I have some collab projects with a thai artist and with a foreign artist too, which I never thought he would want to collaborate with me. And there are places that I've never been and I'm very excited to go. I can't say anything right now but it's coming very soon. Everybody will slowly see it like reading a novel and wondering what the next chapter will tell (laughs).

Mint: Anything you'd like to say to the future Jeff Satur in 2 years?

Jeff: Live a happy life because you owe me one.

#jeff satur #jeff interview #mint magazine #translation #i finished it!!!!#yaaayyy!!!

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a-confused-teen-venting · 14 days

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Hi, fellow aroace here in regards to your last post

I myself am sex-repulsed, but there are members of the ace community who engage in sex/masturbate/etc. while still identifying as asexual.

I don't have much experience with hypersexuality (what I've gleamed is that it's compulsive) but I don't think it disqualifies you. In my eyes being aro or ace is about not feeling that attraction, but also about not wanting sex/romance to be a requirement in your relationships. There are aces who have sex and aros who do romantic gestures even if they don't get anything from it bc their partner likes it or just because they don't mind it. The issue arises when they are told they have to feel that kind of love.

When I was figuring out being aro, the questions that got me to consider it was "do you feel that attraction? do you enjoy these kinds of gestures? do you want them in my life, consistently?". And even answering all of those negatively, it took me a while to actually settle on aromantic bc I was afraid of not feeling love. Nowadays tho I'm aro and very happy about it. And if it changes, so be it!

In the end I leave you with what my dear friends told me when I was questioning about both being ace and (especially) being aro - try the label out, see if it makes you happy, and either keep it or discard it. Either way you'd have learned something abt yourself.

Labels are allowed to change, and you're allowed to be wrong while you figure it out for yourself. They're descriptive words. In the end their purpose is for you to define and describe your feelings, right? And other people shouldn't police you about whether you're a "true asexual". Community isn't build to be exclusive.

Sorry for the lengthy post, and I hope you figure it all out.

thank you so much for your message!

i am aware of asexuals and aromantics that engage in things they don’t particularly require to be satisfied in a relationship for the sake of their partner, which is a totally valid thing to do.

however, at times i do find myself in that train of thought when trying to figure out my identity: will i have a partner? if so will it be a normal relationship? how about a qpr? would we have mini dates that would be strictly platonic? would we do physical things?

at times i cant really answer questions like these because of uncertainty, lack of experience and confusing emotions. in addition, mentally i think i have to fit a certain criteria to be considered a “true asexual” or a “true aromantic” to but i guess i should be more focused on me and my own experience.

like how i responded to someone before, i want to be open to trying the label and figuring out how i feel about it. and like you said, i could either discard it or keep it onces i figure it out. which is much better than how i have been doing for years which was putting it off to the point i have uncertainty on my sexuality.

again, thank you for sharing your experience. reading your message was very comforting in a way, and I apologize for the late response.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #aspec #ace

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menalez · 1 month

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Re: the bpd stuff (idk when you posted about it but I saw it recently so), I think my issue with it is that it may be specific but yeah, it is vague - vague in such a way it can be a misdiagnosis. Most commonly I've seen cases of it being a misdiagnosis for bipolar (when symptoms are episodic in context of a mood episode but treated as if a general state), autism (in which emotional dysregulation is common), and trauma disorders (which I think you mentioned?). I think that also contributes to then how the range of presentations of it is SO wide. Someone who is autistic and finding emotions and relationships hard, an undiagnosed bipolar patient who is usually ok but when isn't is very not ok, a woman with a traumatic history who would probably better fit c-ptsd, and someone who actually does have bpd can all end up with this diagnosis. (And I know examples of each of these!) And then they all present differently. Which might be ok ig except they all need different ways of being supported.

i agree with you there and honestly i think there needs to be insistence on certain diagnoses that differentiate these disorders from BPD + it does need to become more specific bc the criteria is SO broad and let’s be honest, many psychs are misogynistic and will slap on the BPD label quite quickly bc they’re lazy.

lots of women with autism are misdiagnosed as BPD, bc of biases with diagnosing autism (viewed as a “male disorder”) and BPD (viewed as a “female disorder”)

bipolar also has mood swings but the mood swings aren’t as rapid as BPD & BPD does not tend to have actual mania but rather something similar. but ofc again… lazy psychs will be quick to slap on the BPD label on women even tho there’s a clear differentiation taught to us between bipolar & borderline

when it comes to trauma tho, most people diagnosed with BPD are also diagnosed with a trauma disorder. they’re highly comorbid for obvious reasons! iirc it’s something like .. 80% of those with BPD that are also diagnosed with PTSD? and BPD also has trauma symptoms within it like dissociation.

but i totally agree that the criteria needs to be narrowed down bc it’s very broad in many ways. so many symptoms listed and u only need a few of them to be diagnosed which is why i was also saying 2 people diagnosed with BPD can actually have 0 shared symptoms and no similarity in their clinical manifestation which clearly is an issue

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graylinesspam · 3 months

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I guess I feel like stirring the pot tonight but I'm gonna actually put my two cents into this "tiktokification of autism" debate for a second. I'm gonna need everyone on this, the "we piss on the poor", website to take a fuckin breath.

In psychology there's this pretty simply concept they teach you in the 'intro to' class which is that when it comes to hereditary mental conditions if you carry the genes for a condition it's probably going to affect you a little bit, even if it is not a diagnose-able amount.

As a personal example My own great grandfather has Bipolar disorder and has been medicated for it for longer than I have been alive. As a result all of his children were very familiar with the symptoms and were quick to point out when each other was displaying or describing symptoms of that disorder in their own live. That stuck around for my mothers generation and now my own as well. None of his children have been diagnosed with the condition because they do not display these symptoms with a consistency or extreme that hinders their ability to live their day to day life. A couple of aunts have chosen to go on mood stabilizers because it makes their lives more enjoyable to live without the riding the emotional ups and downs. Which yes, many of us experience hormonal based emotional roller coasters that dictate whether or not we're capable of experiencing positive or negative emotions but those symptoms are so mild that they are not considered diagnose-able.

Where as pawpaw (who was diagnosed) had huge mood swings that would leave him so manic he destroyed the brick divider wall in their kitchen to open the space up one random day, followed by a week where he wouldn't even sit up in bed to take a sip of water. His children's experiences were more periods of increased confidence followed by periods of malaise.

The criteria for having a condition diagnosed is that it has to cause persistent and significant interference with your ability to live your life.

Now if you've followed me through that rant then listen to this one. Tiktok (and i am not advocating for that app lets keep it neutral) by it's very nature is an app that relies on quick reading and comprehension. Those videos aren't going to hold you're hand through explaining what they mean, you just need to figure it the fuck out using things like common sense.

So if you see a video where an autistic person is sharing the less irritating and sort of funny trait of their condition and it's something that "everybody experiences" or something that's totally "not" a symptoms of autism, maybe instead of immediately rolling your eyes at it why don't you take a minute to ask yourself if it actually is tho?

like sure not everyone who puts on music while they clean has autism, but ask yourself what if that trait did fit the diagnostic criteria, what would that look like? Because for me it meant that I literally got fired for a cleaning service job for smuggling my phone with me because despite being very competent at cleaning I physically could not do it without listening to music. I'm not talking about it was too boring or I just had a bad time at it. I mean I literally forgot how to clean a toilet and ended up having a crying meltdown at lunch after only getting through two rooms because I needed my music in order for my brain to function properly. I'd call that having a significant effect on my ability to live my life.

Maybe not everyone who has a specific hobby they keep up with for years is autistic, but the people whose hobbies consume them, leaving room for less of other experiences in their lives? the ones who buy too much merch and watch the content over and over and don't pick up new material? the ones who maladaptive daydream to the point of it interrupting their real life experiences, or have periods where they actually wish they could think about anything else? And also maybe the same kinds of fandoms attract those autistic people.

so next time you see a video about "if you were obsessed with these fandoms growing up then you might be autistic" maybe think about what the word obsessed might mean to an autistic person (whose has very literal and black and white thinking). Because assuming that they mean the most bland fucking vague horoscope version of a behavior or experience they're describing is exactly where you'll go wrong.

Btw, this is a good scale to use when wondering if you should get something mental or physical diagnosed.

#autism

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firelordgrantham · 2 years

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saw (and wrote) a lot of shit about the newest (and even older) books from Pixelberry so I decided I would make a positive list for once. Hugh spoilers ahead.

By alphabetical order (if a book is not there, it means I haven't played it yet):

Across the Void: the three different endings. It could have been dealt with better, like actually spending time on vanguard/jura planets or with vanguard/jura people rather than just having us listen to the endless arguments of the siblings, but it was nice to be able to chose an end. Also nice to have different MC

America's most eligible: the smiley system. Don't remember much of the books tho so there might be more.

A very scandalous proposal: the letters which enabled us to live the life of that ancestor of Simon/Ava.

Baby Bump: the blanket patch, the fact that Mr Covington was totally on board with trying to take responsability for putting MC pregnant without having to be forced to. All the people we could ship together. The former fiancée's and Covington Sr's redemption.

Big Sky Country: Duke not being a bad guy despite fitting some criterias for it (unattractive sprite, the city dweller son who left the ranch and doesn't know how to take care of it...), the fact him calling the guy from AgraCorp was seen as a move in character and not as an act of treason or not only, the fact Brooklynne, while a blogger, wasn't a birdbrain child.

Blades of Light and Shadow: everything basically, but mainly the fact it's not genderlocked, that we can be elves, orcs or humans, the fact we could flirt with Aerin, the fact Baldur was still considered a bully even after Aerin's true colours being revealed, I mean frankly we tend to redeem bad characters to whom bad things happen... here, none of it. The whole powers system.

Bloodbound: the fact the collectibles were actually woven into the bloodkeeper storyline. Kamilah's character was well written too. Lester being a creepy leech and that being addressed and not normalized like in more recent books. Didn't finish the series yet so can't say more right now.

Crimes of passion: I kinda liked the general ambiance and the whole infiltrating the cult thing. Not much else to say tho.

The Crown and the Flame: The plot oh my god the plot is sooooo good. Maybe too many LIs, like, it appeared later but that book could have used a system like in TE where you chose your sexuality at the beginning and only get propositions of premium flirt scenes with LIs from your orientation? I mean it would have spared me a bit of time. I LOVED the dynamic between Dom and Rose, too bad she wasn't there after some point but I headcannon she went into hiding with Tristan, helping civilians fend for themselves, all that, and that after the war she reunited with Dom. The whole fire and legend score was great too, and the fact we had two alterning pov was chef's kiss. The different cultures/uniforms, the LIs, having the possibility to slap Marco in the first chapter was great... yeah basically everything was great except for a few details here and there.

A courtesan of Rome: Loved that book. Having the possibility to sleep your way to vengeance instead of making it a book in which you fall in love with one of the roman LIs and abandon your revenge project, that was great. Shall I add that Anthony was hot? Nah, you already know that. Wasn't a great fan of Delphinia and the other members of the family's pov, but I love the system, I just didn't get fully attached to the characters themselves, so on me, not on pb.

Desire and Decorum: loved that through and through, Ernest my beloved, etc. Matching a former LI with someone else and deciding who Briar ends with was great too. I wish we could match former LIs with side characters more often.

DIstant Shores: Loved that too, from the number of scenes with each I guess Edward was the main LI? I went with the guy from the navy. Many criticize the ending on a cliffhanger with Robert's sudden rise from the dead unexplained, but I loved that. It kind of made an open end in which we knew the great lines of what would happen next thanks to the museum visit.

The Elementalists: loved it. can't really explain why, must be the general vibe. Oh yeah, and the fact we could chose our sexuality beforehand. Avoided weird moments with rejected LIs (well you still rejected some but not as much, and none at all if you decided you were ace)

Endless Summer: loved everything. The plot, the art style, the smiley system, the three possible endings, the large cast, the different LIs who each had a tragic but compelling backstory without being the same as the other three, shipping other members of the large cast together... everything was great.

Foreign Affairs: loved the general vibe, was less a fan of the whole sex scandal storyline.

The Freshman Series: kinda liked it. A bit of a soap opera vibe. Too long tho, and the side books (luxury getaway/masqued mascarade/love bites all that) where too much, because if you're a completionist and a monogam you cannot combine both since, if you want to ever finish all the books on the app you'll have to rerun the whole series or cheat on your main LI in the side stories.

The haunting of Braidwood Manor: creepy and grim, but in a good way. Compelling story. Short, too, so it doesn't get too creepy. The whole ''accepting the truth and finding peace'' was so sad but wholesome.

The Heist: Monaco: loved it, Ansel's got a very punchable face, the heist system was good, the trust scores too, the three possible endings but you dont chose, your score choses, was great. The two possible characters for each member of the team? chefs kiss.

Hero: why oh why was there no second book? yeah I know why, something about being too expensive, but still, why? That was great. General vibe and art style? Great. Characters? Good. Cliffhanger? Aaaargh (affectionate)

Home for the Holidays: liked that we had the possibility to pitch Holly's book. Didn't leave me a great memory or anything so wont say more but it was not disagreeable.

Hot Couture: nice, the design notebook was quite a good mechanic too.

(here you've got Laws of Attraction but I wont say anything because I don't have anything positive to say)

It Lives: the stress/smiley system? Great. The storyline? Great. The Art? Great. The lore? Amazing in its simplicity. The characters? OK I didn't love everyone of them, but it was nice to have a large cast. Loved both books.

LoveHacks: nice story and multiple points of view in a large cast, good points for them.

Most Wanted: so great. Like the crown and the flame, I wasn't there at the beginning of the app, and I only played them recently after many others, but they still have that atmosphere that sets them appart from the rest, like they want us to know they are the eldest children of the app.

Mother of the Year: that was cute and wholesome and I loved the antagonists, sympathized with the protagonist and ardently loved hating the two main villains.

Ms Match: meh, didn't really like the forced romance (and when I mean forced, I mean whether or not we like it we end up in bed with the LI in the first chapter) but it had that somewhat nice vibe and that revenge/exposure scene at the end was nice.

Nightbound: great storyline.

Open Heart: loved Ethan but when he didn't trust me at all in the third book I broke it off with him but that's none of your business I'm just still not over him. It was nice to have the whole ''we change patients every once in a while'' thing although I have to admit it is true the second and third books were not as good as the first.

Passport to Romance: nice I guess. Didn't leave me any lasting memory nor trauma.

Perfect Match: didn't finish yet but it was quite inventive and compelling, full of twists and turns. Tbh it was kinda indescribable.

Platinum: like it as a whole, but won't leave me any lasting memory either.

The princess swap: well it's obviously not over yet but I love the story and the characters. It's cute.

Red Carpet Diaries: Loved it. I'm pretty sure it was the first books I played once I got out of the first story imposed by the app (ya know when you get to chose between romance and steamy) so it holds a particular place in my heart. Loved everyone. Oh, why didn't they put Thomas Hunt in it sooner, I had chosen Matt before and felt like it would have been cheating on him to change LIs halfway through. Like you guessed with my Ethan and Kamilah comments earlier I have something for stern LIs with emotionnal trauma or distance.

Ride or Die: I had a crush on Jason Shaw. That says it all. Appart from that my god what a book! Thought i would be bored or dissappointed because it would be ya know your typical ''oh my bf is a bad boy and my father is a cop what am i gonna do'' story but it was more a ''thriller slash spy story with corruption, illegal racing and gangs war'' book. And that was great!!!!

The Royal Masquerade: wow so many twists and turns, I was hooked all throughout the book. And the fact it felt (however true or untrue that might be) that our choices had lasting consequences, and of course the different possible endings, that was all great.

The Royal Romance: a bit weird of a story if you didn't chose Liam I think. I don't know, maybe we shouldn't have had so many LIs or we should have been forced to marry him for the sake of appearances while he would have been all in for MC having a lover on the side since they were not in love? Idk. I liked it tho.

Rules of Engagement: gotta love a multiple points of view story.

The Unexpected Heiress: loved all the twists and turns, loved the period drama, loved the period, loved the drama, loved the costumes, loved the crime story. Thought it would have been more believable if our sister hadn't been black by default, I dunno, I mean if they had such a hard time accepting a proletarian american among them, being black sure wasn't gonna make it any easier, and since MC's skin was customizable, and yet all the rest of their family (half siblings, step mothers, aunts...) was black... I dunno, either Amelia shouldn't have been black by default or MC's skin shouldn't have been customizable.

Veil of Screts: LOVED that story. Thriller, crime, all that. Compelling characters, loving to hate the bad guys, twists and turns everywhere, just a gread book.

Wake the Dead: loved that book.

Wishful Thinking: original! Also like the fact she was the only one with powers contrary to elementalists or hero, it was original.

With Every Heartbeat: sad, bittersweet, but all that in a good way.

Wolf Bride: well I guess if you're around here for spicy scenes it's good.

So here was my list of positive things about the pixelberry stories, I do realize I did put a few negative things in it but it's out of love. Except for Laws of Attraction. Hate that book. Nevermind. Think positive. Think positive.

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sanstropfremir · 1 year

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I'm really enjoying reading through your blog, and of course it has to do a lot with the fact that I also love to bits everything Taemin puts out. Unfortunately tumblr makes it really annoying to try and get to older posts, so sorry if you've already spoken about any of this T-T

A big part of why I love Taemin's solo work so much is his unique style, which shines through both technique and performance.

Taemin has many times spoke about how he's heavily involved in everything concerning his work: styling, picking out the samples, lyrics, themes, choreo, you name it he took care of it at some point. "The taemin genre" couldn't have emerged simply out of him being an above average dancer, his signature is on everything.

But surely, very often he can't do much more than express his opinion on something, and a lot of the end product is still created by other people? It would be silly to expect him to dance, sing, produce, write lyrics, style all at once, right? Or would it?

I very, very often hear people take pride in the fact that their fav is an "all-rounder", that presumably does most of the "creating" purely by themselves, or at least can shine all alone, even without the support of a group. But does that imply that artists that only do the performing part are somehow less "authentic", or worthy of praise? Or that idols comfortable in their position as a team player aren't talented or into what they do? To call yourself a master you probably have to spend a decade on just one skill, so why expect teens and young adults to be Da Vincis?

Now, of course it's still amazing when an idol puts in the work and branches out. Taemin's vocal improvement undoubtedly gave him more creative opportunities and made his stages that much more impactful.

But even just being an idol and maintaining an attractive appearance (for criteria as harsh as it is in k-pop) would easily count as a full-time job, so I would go as far as to say that this expectation of total creative control is a little delusional.

haha it was really funny watching you go through everything! yea tumblr is really bad about that, but if you go to my blog on desktop/not the mobile version you should be able to page back through ALL my asks, which are all tagged by 'answers'. there are like probably around a thousand of those now tho.

i have kind of talked about this before, but i'm very happy to talk about it again, because i always think it's worthwhile to clarify what the actual process is like for creating a collaborative work.

you are right, taemin and every other idol who says they're 'involved' in the process in some way is most likely just picking options and expression opinions about things that designers and stylists have already curated for them. it is physically impossible for a single person to do EVERYTHING involved in something like creating a kpop cb, because there are just too many tasks. and if one person DID try to do it all on their own, it would take probably 100x as long to finish. let me use styling as an example: lots of idols have professed to have input on styling choices, but this can range anywhere from bringing in moodboards and having discussions about what styling they're interested in at design meetings, to just picking which thing they like best from a selection of clothes already provided by the designer. in NO fucking world is an idol:

taking measurements

shopping for fabric

shopping for clothing

sewing and altering clothing

doing the budgeting

labelling and collating all the pieces together

taking fitting notes

these are all extremely specialized skills that 1) take TIME to learn how to do and how to do well, and 2) just take TIME to DO. you want to know what i spend probably 40% of the total production time of a show doing when i costume design? fucking SHOPPING. an idol may contribute ideas to a design and make executive choices, but in NO way are they solely responsible for everything about styling. the only idol that i would believe to have a heavier hand than most in this regard is kibum, who does actually have a good knowledge of fashion and fabric and i could see him going shopping with a designer. but if you think that man is sewing anything? cmon.

and this is just for ONE aspect of a cb. you think an idol is also painting the set? shopping for props? setting up the lighting? most idols that are known for dancing aren't even choreographing their own work, INCLUDING taemin. it is absolutely and unquestionably delusional to say that an idol has total creative control over something. this whole idea doesn't originate in kpop (it's auteur theory's fault), but kpop does suffer from an acute version of it, because there's a general collective concensus that devalues the creative work of the labourer. basically, people will only classify you as a "true artist" if you're the one who comes up with the ideas, because ideas and concepts are given more importance and weight. it's a type of because 'being in charge'/'at the top of the food chain that's been perpetuated by capitalism and western postmordern art theory that intentionally places value of conceptual skills higher than those of craftspeople. no type of person is a ''true artist'' and most art takes many people with many different skills in order to create. i find it unintentionally very funny that you use da vinci as an example of an 'allrounder' (or 'renaissance man' as they used to be called) because he, like every other famous painter from the era, used apprentices to help paint his paintings!!!!! he was even an apprentice himself for verrocchio!! da vinci's legacy would not have been possible without all the other people who helped him create the work that he did!

what is the real kicker about this whole mess is that downplays the beauty of the fact that art is made collaboratively. an 'ideas' person cannot realize those ideas without a craftsperson there to help them. everyone who takes part in creating something is important, and it's fucked to only acknowledge specific people in that process.

#like i dont think people realize that even like big contemporary artists have studios w ppl doing fabrication for them #that's VERY common #but none of them will actively recognize it because it takes the perceived value of their monolith artist brand away #i've almost never done a full sweep design on anything and i've worked on some tiny ass shows bc its just too much work #like when i say its impossible i fucking mean it #kpop questions #im not going to get into more of an anticapitalist rant than i already did but its literally capitalism's fault #craftspeople were literally some of the first unions btw #text #answers #like it's very fine that someone just does performing. thats ok. performing is its own set of skills #you dont have to expect or gas up idols for doing other stuff like there are literally other people whose jobs those are!!!!!!!!!!!!#auteur theory and capitalism ruined fucking everything fr #dont even get me started on the authenticity stuff again god knows i hate that shit

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cl0udpup · 1 year

Text

Big sigh

*Still figuring out moving over from Twitter to Tumblr, but for now, I'm just gonna flush out my threads here and see how that goes...*

Anxiety dreams

I had disturbing, surreal, End Of The World, running from cops, moving through portals, being broke and homeless, anxiety dreams all morning. Woke up with my neck stiff and swollen for the second day in a row, exhausted. I took a rapid last night, came out negative, but it's hard to trust testing now with new variants. I have allergy shots in an hour, and I really don’t wanna go, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I miss it. Last time I missed a week, I suffered with extreme hives and asthma symptoms.

...

I did it

I went to the shot. Still feeling like shit. Still testing negative for c19.

I’ve been staying up late the past few nights, so I’m sure that doesn’t help. Winter is really tough on my body (and mind.) The dry air makes my skin swell up, and I get all tense and hot. I couldn't manage to wear a coat outside, even though it's 30 degrees out, because it makes it so much worse once I go inside. They keep the hospital sooo warm.

I need to get a humidifier running in my office, but this room is like 80 sq ft, so I'm concerned about where it will go, it getting knocked over, or the water getting on my computer. I have cords allll over the floor bc I have no idea how to do cord management. But yeah, my sinuses are so incredibly dry and swollen, which is causing this headache I'm sure, and probably the stiff neck.

Adderall

Enough complaining... In more interesting news, today is my first day on Adderall, 10 mg XR. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to feel anything. I was feeling shitty *before* taking it, so all those symptoms above are unrelated. Although, if this causes any similar symptoms, not sure if I'll be able to tell it apart.

I guess one thing I noticed this morning; it was less excruciating waiting the 30 minutes required to stay at the hospital after my allergy shot. Usually I set a timer, check it exasperatingly every few minutes, pacing and sighing, literally feel like I'm being tortured waiting lol. It usually feels like an hour even tho it’s only half. I have no idea if the med could be helping with that restlessness so soon, but. Worth noting I suppose.

Trauma effects everything

I met with the new psychiatrist who prescribed it on Monday. She asked all the typical intake type questions, and went over my initial survey from the ADHD assessment. Again, the ADHD assessment really was not specific to ADHD, other than the awful computer button clicking bullshit test thing they made me do.

We only talked for around 45 minutes, but she gave me her opinion that she thinks I don't have bipolar. She thinks my hypomanic symptoms and mood swings/cycling were caused by trauma. Who’s to say, really. Trauma effects everything.

I have found I don’t always fit the mold for clinical diagnoses for conditions my symptoms point to. I especially don't fit them forever. Resilience has to be taken into account; learning skills, figuring out accommodations, medication, change of life circumstance.

However, I have, and do (based on past episodes) meet the criteria for bipolar 2, whether the assessment is nuanced enough to give a "correct" answer. Of course, diagnoses are more or less a matter of opinion.

I was also diagnosed with "unspecific mood disorder" & put on mood stabilizers (bipolar meds) as a young teen.

Some of my earliest memories are of being totally overwhelmed emotionally. I remember having what I now know of as anxiety in elementary school. I was officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety at age 12.

So what is it?

That's the question I've been searching for the answer for my entire life. Wtf is wrong with me, lol. I know trauma, neurodivergence, and the way those two play off each other must be at the root of everything.

Ultimately, all these sprinkles of symptoms make up an actual person, my actual life experiences, my struggles, my disabilities. I don't think it's simple enough to just slap a diagnosis on me and call it a day.

I know SSNI medication has helped me immensely in taking all the chaotic energy inside myself, and dampening down my viciously strong emotions. Before meds, I felt totally out of control. I felt I had no control over the insanity. My mood swings and sensory overwhelm thrashed me around like I was on a broken rollercoaster, ready to fly off the tracks at any moment.

BPD

Before starting trauma work, I fit the diagnosis for borderline. Leaving an abusive relationship, learning about attachment disorders, and understanding more about being neurodivergent helped me grow into a person who could have healthy relationships, and stop hurting myself.

Graduating from a DBT program when I was 18 helped as well, but looking back, the most helpful part was being part of a community. Sharing 8 hours a week with other traumatized teens, forming bonds, being vulnerable and supporting each other. That's what helped.

We never even talked about trauma as a force of destruction. We mostly learned how to channel our thoughts and behaviors into something less visibly disruptive and damaging.

We weren't validated and told "something awful happened to you, and it wasn't your fault, and it's not your fault that it made you hate yourself so much you want to destroy yourself and everything around you." I think we really needed that. I know I still need to hear that.

Chaos

I'm 30 now, and I still am no where near having all the answers. Finding the ADHD piece of the puzzle definitely puts a lot into perspective, but I don't know if it can account for everything. I do have hopes for medicating it.

My 20's were so chaotic. I had no idea if I would survive to where I am now. That being said, I made a lot of decisions that helped me survive when I needed to, things I said I'd deal with the consequences of later, and, later has finally caught up to me.

I used spending as a coping mechanism. I channeled a lot of my chaotic energy into work over the past decade. Before my body started shutting down on me, I worked alll the time, and made decent money. I bought into the whole credit score thing, got a bunch of credit cards, and maxed them all out. Yes, having a credit history helped me get things I needed, but mental illness put me in this mindset of "I'm probably gonna die soon, so I should just get what will make me happy right now."

Knowing now that I have ADHD, so much of this makes sense. I struggle with things like feeding myself, cleaning, staying on track, completing tasks, all the executive function bullshit. So, I've driven myself into debt buying things I thought could help me "get my life together."

Can't get myself to eat enough to not trigger a mood episode? I'll just order take out or go to the cafe every day. Can't keep the house from being a total mess? I'll buy every cleaning and organizing tool imaginable that might help inspire me to bring necessary order to my surroundings. Same thing for exercising, self care, literally just existing, I always thought if I could "just" find the right solution, all my problems would disappear and I could catch up to my peers who perpetually left me in the dust.

Don't even get me started on the spending sprees I've gone on in response to depression and suicidality. Feel like dying because understimulated? Let's book a trip for me and a companion where I'll pay for everything because I want to be loved. Feel like dying because overstimulation? Let's buy things to self soothe. It's a mess.

And so, life goes on

Now, this year, when I have my head on straight, and am no longer crushed and suffocated by abuse, or distracted by partying, my health took a nose dive. I have hardly been able to work at all this year. I've always been concerned with my ill health, but now more than ever I've been forced to focus on it solely. I'm committed. The only place I go these days is to appointments; three a week: therapy, allergy injections, and acupuncture.

I so desperately want to get my life together, once and for all. I truly hope I'm on the right track. All I can do is trust this is what I'm supposed to do.

#actually disabled #disability #depression #anxiety #adhd #actually adhd #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #bipolar #bpd #mentally ill #mental illness #follow me im new here #thanks for reading

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hypaalicious · 2 years

Note

Ok two things on this one:

1) I see you are also into see what it takes to push a man to the brink of their restraint. We all probably should have figured this out when your faves are Ignis, Jumin, and Tseng. 😏 Can’t blame you tho, it’s fun to test their patience, and the results are well worth it. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2) I have downloaded the demo for Akash and the intro to the menu alone is beautiful oh my lord. I already love the MC’s father btw, he’s so sweet! Also, this is probably gonna be my first mature otome. I’ve always played the more tame stuff from the app store like Voltage and Ikemen. I stopped after a while when the games became more money hungry and shunted free-to-play aside. —💕

I’m so excited for your Akash journey! I love Aurora’s father too, he’s the kindest soul who just wants the best for his little girl 😭

The mobile otome corporate machine is… totally something else, ngl. I worked for one as a writer VERY briefly and the experience was terrible, never again! But you’re right, they do get very exploitative with their models, making you pay for “premium choices” or extra chapters and shit and ion like that. I like to pay for a WHOLE game, don’t nickel and dime me! 😤 So I very much stick to titles released on Switch or from reputable publishers like otomate or aksys, along with indie VNs usually made by folks I know in the game industry (but I am terrible at finishing indies because they don’t come with guides and I don’t game on my PC).

I usually get bored with non-mature Japanese otome because… I’m a thot and grown. LOL The MCs usually are all some sort of “demure waif acting virginal around men who obviously want her” and I spend a lot of time rolling my eyes at any timidness from her. Like… JUMP ON THE DICK, MA’AM!! Hints around sex but not actually getting there also is blue balling me; it don’t need to be graphic but ya gotta make all the work I did romancing a LI worth it! Hand holding and a kiss at the end ain’t it for me!

Having said all that… I recognize I need to be less rigid in what I indulge in, maybe. LOL There’s not a whole lot of otome out there (that’s localized anyway) that fits my criteria. But I am so scared of wasting my time on something that will disappoint me so I always go with murder and mature themes 😔

Now, will I go as hard as Piofiore in my own game? Absolutely not, I’m not that good 😂 Also, the leeway the public gives mainstream Japanese otome is NOT the grace I will get as an indie dev, sadly. So I have to keep it cute. Well, as cute as someone like me can keep things, that is.

And yes, it is my kink to see a chronically responsible, stoic man throw all caution to the wind and unleash the beast on my cewchie. It’s just incredibly satisfying 😂 Even if I may die in the process!

#some things are worth unaliving for #hot ass stoic men is one of them #crazy villains are another #good times all around!#anon ask

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zyx · 1 year

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hii! i totally feel you about therapy costs, here in my country it isn't even covered by insurance so it's all from your pocket (tho some specialists adjust their prices depending on someone's budget) however there are some organizations which offer free therapy sessions in exchange for something or depending if you fit some criteria. for example theres a feminist collective here which offers therapy sessions for women only where instead of paying a staple fee you pay whatever you can afford, there's also this group which offers free sessions in exchange for non perishable food or clothes donation for people in need, also there's a charity here which also offers free sessions but in return you have to help in soup kitchens and such, one time i read some countries like denmark and chile actually offer free sos therapy sessions for residents as well? so you could look into that and see if your country does that too. A couple of years ago i was in a shithole of a situation and couldn't afford therapy as well so i litcherally searched for as many options as i could find and those came up, so maybe you can find something similar in your area! good luck and i hope you find the help you want!

😭😭😭 im just seeing this im so sorry !!!!!! anyways i haven’t found anywhere where they offer actual cheap sessions >< ill keep looking though tysm <33333

#anonymous #answered

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rickyriddle · 4 years

Text

AnR: a study of psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder

Hey there! So here’s another analysis, not about a specific character, but AnR characters that would fit the psychopath/sociopath/antisocial personality disorder/conduct disorder. Those who are familiar with my other analysis would probably guess that I’ll be talking about Otoya. But I also referred to Nio and Hitsugi as sociopaths in previous analysis. I want to correct certain things I may have said that was incorrect as well as used more recent discovery I made about those disorders. I also want to include another character I didn’t really talk about regarding psychopathy/ASPD: Yuri Meichi. Without further ado, let’s take a look at those four characters and if weather or not they fit the diagnosis.

First I’ll explain the different distinction between the different conditions based on my understanding of those:

Primary Psychopathy: Most commonly referred as psychopathy. When specialists talk about psychopaths, most of the time they mean those who have primary psychopathy. Primary psychopathy is innate, meaning that primary psychopaths are born that way. Primary psychopathy is characterized by callousness, shallow affect, manipulation, and superficial charm. Not all primary psychopaths have antisocial personality disorder. They all have certain narcissistic traits (such as grandiose) but again, not all primary psychopaths could be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder either. Primary psychopaths have a defecting empathy, meaning that they can’t and will never feel empathy. They are usually viewed as high-functioning.

Secondary psychopathy: Usually referred to as sociopathy, even tho the term sociopath is outdated. Secondary psychopaths are made, they have been mold that way by their environment and possible trauma. Secondary psychopathy is associated with impulsivity and lack of long-term goals, and is related to hostile behaviors. Unlike primary psychopaths, secondary psychopaths are often emotionally unstable and can experience guilt and empathy. Their empathy isn’t defective but instead dysfunctional. All secondary psychopaths meet the criteria for antisocial personality disorder and they are more likely to also have borderline personality disorder. They are also more likely to be low-functioning.

Antisocial Personality Disorder: Also often used as a synonyme of sociopathy. The criteria are failure to obey laws and norms, lying, deception, and manipulation for profit or self-amusement, impulsive behavior, irritability and aggression, blatantly disregards the safety of self and others, a pattern of irresponsibility and lack of remorse. The person needs to be at least 18, have conduct behavior before 15 and the antisocial behaviors aren’t related to schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. People with ASPD can feel empathy and love towards those they bond with and their level of functioning depends of their IQ, education and environment.

Conduct Disorder: Considered the precursor of ASPD. Conduct disorder is characterized by antisocial behaviors in children and teenagers. The causes can be diverse, such as genetic, environment or even a low IQ. The signs of conduct disorder are bullying, aggressiveness, use of weapons, cruelty (towards humans or animals), stealing, forced sexual activities, vandalism, deceptiveness and serious rule violation. Whether those issues are treated or not can determine if those antisocial behaviors will continue in adulthood (and become ASPD) or not.

In this analysis, I’ll refer to primary psychopathy as PP, secondary psychopathy as SP, antisocial personality disorder as ASPD, conduct disorder as CD and narcissistic personality disorder as NPD.

In two of my recent posts I mentioned something Minakata said in KnR Room 4: “Recognizing that Otoya is an intrinsic psychopath and that Hitsugi is an acquired psychopath due to the environment and breeding.”

To me, there was no doubt that Otoya is a psychopath (PP). Minakata confirmed that Otoya is born that way therefore, she’s a primary psychopath. Then for Hitsugi, in her analysis I interpret the acquired psychopath as secondary psychopathy. And when I made the analysis, I thought that SP = ASPD and refer to Hitsugi as a sociopath, but given what I learned recently it might have been incorrect.

So, Minakata wrote psychopath “サイコパス” (saikopasu), which is based on the English word, therefore an anglicism. It sounds more like the pop-culture term instead of the medical term, which is 精神病質 (seishinbyō-shitsu). Therefore, I can be 100% that Minakata used the term psychopath in the medical sense and instead may just be a catch-all term for PP/PS/ASPD/CD. So, “acquired psychopath” doesn’t necessarily mean “secondary psychopath” but rather that Hitsugi acquire traits that are often associated with the whole psychopathy/ASPD spectrum. But, I firmly believe that “intrinsic psychopath” means “primary psychopath” since it’s the only condition among the spectrum who is innate.

So now that I correct that, let’s analyse the said characters and see if they fit any of those diagnosis.

Otoya, Hitsugi and Nio would all technically fit the CD diagnosis. They tend to be bullies, aggressive, use weapons (granted they are assassins but still), cruel, forced sexual activities (for Otoya, may or may not be applicable to Hitsugi), they are extremely deceptive and do violate rules. All of those behaviors are way more serious than a regular teenager rebellion and does harm others. But, even if they could all be diagnosed with CD (given that they are all underage) those three are all different and will probably have different diagnosis as they grow older. So let’s analyse them separately.

I’ll start with the easiest, Otoya. As I said, we know Otoya is born that way, therefore a PP. But just to be sure, let check if she does fit the criteria:

Callousness: I think it’s pretty obvious that Otoya has no sympathy or empathy for anyone and a total disregard for others. She’s insensitive and has no issues with abusing, torturing and killing people.

Shallow affect: This one mean shallow emotions. It doesn’t mean a lack of emotions, just that the emotional responses are low. I’m gonna base it on the manga version and say that despite Otoya’s cheerful attitude, she’s pretty emotionally shallow. Her cheerfulness is just an act. We can see after she failed and during KnR 5 that she’s actually quite cold.

Manipulation: Manipulation is basically Otoya’s middle name. All she does in the series is deceive, lie and manipulate to achieve her goals and simply for her personal pleasure. It’s as natural as breathing to her.

Superficial charm: I’d say Otoya is rather charismatic, she can easily charm people and gain their trust, but we know it’s not sincere. She’s smooth, engaging, charming, slick and voluble.

Otoya also have a defective empathy. You can’t possibly have empathy and commit all the atrocities she did, and she also show no remorse for her actions. She’s incapable of feeling those emotions. PP are born with a thinner amygdala, which is responsible for empathy, stress and fear. Her brain is incapable to feel empathy and remorse and never will.

But, Otoya’s actions show that she might not only be a PP. Otoya is a sadist who feel sexual pleasure from torturing and killing women. I don’t think we will argue if I say that she probably have sadistic personality disorder and sexual sadism disorder, as well as erotophonophilia (paraphilia of sexual arousal and gratification from the death of a human being, also known as lust murder). Those are not always linked to PP. In fact, unlike what people think, PP are rarely killers or even sadist, most of them are high-functioning and have normal jobs and aren’t committing any crimes. But, it’s true that most serial killers were either psychopaths or have ASPD, or both.

As I said earlier, Otoya would probably be diagnosed with CD. CD isn’t necessary to be a PP but it is for the ASPD diagnosis, meaning that in addition of being a PP, Otoya also have ASPD (well, technically she’s 16 so she couldn’t be officially diagnosis, but it’s safe to assume her behaviors won’t change at this point). At the very least, we can say that Otoya is antisocial, and PP and ASPD are often comorbid. Let’s see if she fits the criteria of ASPD:

Failure to obey laws and norms: I mean… she’s a goddamn serial killer who kills for sexual pleasure.

Lying, deception, and manipulation for profit or self-amusement: This is a trait that overlap with PP. I already explained her manipulative nature.

Impulsive behavior: This one may seems to contradict the shallow emotions. Impulsive means making reckless decision or spontaneous decision. It means that if she has a sudden desire, she may not resist it. Impulsive isn’t a synonym of hot-headed (being easily or constantly mad). You can have low emotions and still be impulsive. So yes, Otoya is rather impulsive, she tends to make decision on a whim without thinking of consequences.

Irritability and aggression: Again, even if someone is emotionally shallow doesn’t mean they have zero emotions. With the right trigger, even someone cold can get irritated and aggressive. In Otoya’s case, she can be quite aggressive if someone interrupt her when she’s having “fun” (aka torturing and killing) as we saw when Tokaku saved Haru from her.

Blatantly disregards the safety of self and others: In the manga Otoya was getting her ass kicked by Tokaku yet she continued to laugh and enjoy herself despite her injuries. The girl doesn’t care about her own safety and given her occupation, she doesn’t care about others’ safety either.

A pattern of irresponsibility: Otoya went overboard with killing and ended up attractive the attention of a detective, reason why she joined Class Black. Instead of recognizing that what she’s doing is wrong, she blames the detective for ruining her fun and literally want a serial killer insurance so she’ll never have to get into trouble for killing. I think it’s a form of irresponsibility, instead of fixing her behaviors or at least be more careful, she prefers to just have someone to clean up her mess forever.

Lack of remorse: Another trait that overlap with PP. I don’t think I need to explain this one again.

So in conclusion, Otoya is born a psychopath, but acquired antisocial behaviours due to her environment as well as sadism. Her natural lack of empathy probably make those easier to acquire. Otoya will never genuinely change as a person, she may change her behaviour to get what she wants but she will always the same. Right now, she would be diagnosed with PP and CD, but it makes no doubt that when she’ll be 18 she would be diagnosed with ASPD. So my final diagnosis: Antisocial Primary Psychopath.

Then, we have Hitsugi. So let’s throw the PP out of the possibility since we know she isn’t born that way and was mold by her environment. I would also discard SP given that Hitsugi seems pretty high-functioning as a person. SP tend to be anxious, fearful, hostile and emotionally unstable and it doesn’t seem to be the case with Hitsugi. On the contrary, Hitsugi said that she doesn’t feel much, showing that she does have shallow emotions (not a lack of emotions, mind you). As I said earlier, Hitsugi would most likely be diagnosed with CD. Hitsugi has no problem with hurting and killing people if it suits her or even just for curiosity and she didn’t feel any remorse for that. She’s deceptive, manipulative and a pathological liar. Regarding the forced sexual activities I mentioned earlier, I’m not saying that Hitsugi is a rapist or a sexual predator like Otoya seems to be. I meant it in a way that Hitsugi seems somewhat forceful and assertive when it comes to intimacy, kissing Chitaru even if the latter may not fully consent or be comfortable with it (I’m mainly referencing their second kiss after Chitaru learned the truth and was distressed, it was, in my opinion, inappropriate for Hitsugi to kiss her and seemed like she was taking advantage of Chitaru’s vulnerability).

It’s true, however, that Hitsugi loves and feel regrets for hurting Chitaru, but that’s because she bond with her. Hitsugi doesn’t feel remorse for any other people than Chitaru. Also, it’s true that Hitsugi shows signs of low-self esteem, which is not mutually exclusive with CD. In fact, from what I read, it’s common. I suppose that those with CD who grow up to have ASPD eventually lose their low self-esteem, but Hitsugi is still young.

We don’t know exactly Hitsugi’s past but we can assume that she was brought into the assassination business at a young age and that she eventually lost her capacity to have empathy and started to feel empty. But, thanks to Chitaru, in a way, Hitsugi was able to reconnect with her lost feelings and there may be some hope for her to outgrow her CD and not develop ASPD. But, if Hitsugi never met Chitaru or met her as an adult, there’s no doubt in my mind that she would have ASPD (but not be a SP).

So in conclusion, Hitsugi isn’t born like that, she was mold by her environment, and she does exhibit a lot of antisocial behaviours. So my final diagnosis: Conduct Disorder with chances of antisocial tendencies in adulthood.

Now let’s analyse Nio. In my analysis of her I did say she may have ASPD, but I clarified that given her age she would rather be diagnosed with CD. Nio is unlikely to have PP given that she’s capable of bonding and feeling genuine love. So, when she’ll be 18, would she still be more likely to have regular ASPD or SP?

First, let’s see if she does fit the ASPD criteria:

Failure to obey laws and norms: Even if Nio is following Yuri’s orders, she doesn’t seem to be someone who follow rules in general or the law. She doesn’t listen to her teacher and did broke the Clack Rules (she tried to kill Haru without sending a notice). I don’t have much example for this one.

Lying, deception, and manipulation for profit or self-amusement: Nio’s whole character is about deception. She acts all cheerful, enthusiastic and friendly while truly she doesn’t care about others, she even said she hate them, and enjoy seeing them fail and suffer. She did lied several time and manipulated Haru, all of this mainly for profit or just for fun.

Impulsive behavior: I wouldn’t say Nio is particularly impulsive nor do I really have example, except maybe her decision to kill Haru.

Irritability and aggression: Even if Nio acts friendly, she clearly stated hating all her classmates and got pretty angry with Haru at the end, probably because she was tired of pretending.

Blatantly disregards the safety of self and others: Nio did choose to fight Tokaku one on one even tho Tokaku is a much better fighter. Nio is ready to take risks. She doesn’t care about others’ safety as she gladly accepted to let Haruki try to commit suicide to win (with a huge grin on her face).

A pattern of irresponsibility: Not much instance in the series except in her flashbacks where we see she was a really undisciplined child. We can assume that even if she used to be irresponsible, with Yuri’s strict education it wouldn’t weird if Nio lost this trait over time.

Lack of remorse: Nio never showed genuine sympathy or empathy towards anyone (except Yuri) and doesn’t seem to have any remorse for any of her actions.

She fits most of them but not perfectly. But as I said, ASPD can only be diagnosed as an adult and Nio is only 15. So it’s possible that she might not have developed fully all the ASPD traits. To me, given that she’ll remain with Yuri, who basically abused her as a kid and groomed her, it’s unlikely that she will change. She’ll most likely have ASPD in adulthood. And, given that her relationship with Yuri is unhealthy, there’s a chance that she might end up more emotionally unstable. Abusive relationship on long-term have terrible effect on one psyche. So to me, Nio eventually turning to a secondary psychopath would be a high possibility.

The differences between Nio and Hitsugi regarding their respective relationship is that even if ChitaHitsu is also toxic, the abusive one is Hitsugi, not her partner. So there’s a chance that thanks to Chitaru’s influence she might change and outgrow her CD. Nio on the other end is the victim, Yuri being the abusive one. If Nio grows while still being affected by Yuri’s abuse she’s unlikely to get better.

In conclusion, Nio currently has CD and will most likely have ASPD as an adult as well as SP. She’s not born that way and was mold by her environment and Yuri’s abuse. My final diagnosis: Conduct Disorder with future Antisocial Personality Disorder and possible Secondary Psychopathy.

And now, last but not least, Yuri Meichi. Now you might remember that in my last psychopaths/sociopaths anime characters list I said that Yuri was either a psychopath or a high-functioning sociopath. Well, let’s break it down.

Yuri being an adult I won’t mention CD for her. So let see if she’s born that way or mold by comparing PP and SP criterial. Callousness? Yuri doesn’t seem to care about anyone and is pretty insensitive to others pain. Shallow affect? Well, Yuri is pretty emotionally shallow. She barely show any emotion except what appears to be mild-interest. Throughout the entire series she almost only smile calmly, even while beating up a kid. She’s a calm and cold person. Manipulation? There isn’t much instances that show if Yuri is manipulative, but we did see that she manipulate Nio as a kid and basically groomed her. Superficial charm? Yuri is quite charismatic. She can be smooth, engaging, charming, slick and voluble and we know it isn’t sincere.

What about the SP traits? Impulsivity and lack of long-term goals? Yuri pretty much succeeded in life and is one of the most powerful person in the world who is always calm and rational. Hostile behaviors? Yuri can be intimidating as a person, but she isn’t acting in a hostile and aggressive way.

So it doesn’t seem that Yuri have SP and is more likely to have PP, therefore be born that way. But could she also have ASPD? Let’s see.

Failure to obey laws and norms: Yuri makes me think she’s lawful evil. She makes the law.

Lying, deception, and manipulation for profit or self-amusement: She does that, but it’s also a trait that overlap with PP.

Impulsive behavior: Nope.

Irritability and aggression: Nope.

Blatantly disregards the safety of self and others: Disregards for others perhaps, even thought she didn’t let the injured assassins dies (yet let countless people die for the clan).

A pattern of irresponsibility: Not really

Lack of remorse: Yes, but again, it overlap with PP.

So it seems that all the ASPD traits Yuri has are also PP traits. So therefore, I don’t think she would qualify as having ASPD. And given that she’s 30 now, she’s unlikely to change.

So in conclusion, Yuri is most likely born that way. My final diagnosis: Primary Psychopathy

Phew, that was long. So, among the four characters I analysed, they are all at different places on the spectrum. Here’s a good diagram to illustrate it. I’ll show on it where the characters are or will be in a couple of years:

Thanks for reading, if you have any comments or questions feel free to ask me and see you next time!

#akuma no riddle #riddle story of devil #anr #Otoya Takechi #Hitsugi Kirigaya #Nio Hashiri #Yuri Meichi #psychopathy #primary psychopathy #secondary psychopathy #psychopath #sociopath #antisocial personality disorder #ASPD #conduct disorder #analysis

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locktobre · 4 years

Photo

Happy Blair Willows Day! Here’s some art of Emily hanging out with the ghosts of Isabella and Reginald, which is one of my favorite headcanons ever.

Explanation under the cut, if you care about context.

Awhile back (a year? two years?), I decided that I was not happy that Isabella and Reginald are dead. I have a lot of headcanons about their short lives, and it made me so incredibly sad that they were murdered (I mean, naturally) that I decided to find a way around that. Since they are very definitely dead, I decided to bring them back as ghosts.

Ghosts are already canon to the Barbieverse (Marie in Christmas Carol), so I’m honestly surprised it took me so long to make the leap. They even fit the classic criteria for ghosts: They were young, they were murdered, and they have unfinished business in the form of their daughter, although they didn’t know she was still alive until 18 years later.

As for where Emily comes in, that was really several things coalescing together. I wanted to have a plot for Emily kind of outside of her relationships with other characters, since most of my headcanons about her relate to either Sophia or Sloane. And yes, Isabella and Reginald aren’t completely separate--obviously--but she does know about them before Sophia does. My original plan was for Sophia to have died briefly in the crash, allowing her to see ghosts, but I decided that if she was okay enough to be dropped on Miss Willows’ doorstep, that probably didn’t happen. So seeing beyond the veil went to Emily, whose background is completely unknown aside from being adopted. I’m not sure what would have happened to her, but I’m thinking maybe drowning. (I know this is morbid, but she’s okay! She’s totally fine aside from being able to see ghosts now.)

Whatever the case, after she moves into the palace, she starts... seeing things. She isn’t sure what to make of it at first, but since whatever it is is seeing her, too, she knows something has to be up. She asks Delancy if maybe the palace is haunted? Like haha I’m totally kidding but is it haunted tho? And Delancy says no but she’s welcome to look around. (Kind of to keep Emily out from underfoot as Sophia settles in to being a princess and the whole investigation happens, and kind of because Delancy thinks she maybe saw something here too but won’t admit it. So go nuts, kid.)

So Emily goes looking for ghosts, and Reginald and Isabella decide that no, they haven’t been imagining it, she can definitely see them, and they finally talk to her. See, ghosts can manifest themselves at will to be seen by the living, but Emily can see them even in their resting state, which was freaking them out. But when she starts asking for them by name, they decide yeah, it’s time.

They tell Emily that they’ve been hanging around so much because they wanted to be near Sophia, and Emily says that they should talk to her, then! And they’re like, no way, her life is already so crazy right now, we’re not going to add to that. Emily agrees that makes sense, but says that maybe someday they can talk to her, and she’ll keep an eye out for an opportunity to introduce them...

Anyway, it’s a whole thing I’m going to write one day, but I just love their friendship and it’s so on-brand for me, so of course this is how I celebrate Blair Willows Day. And hey, it’s fitting showing them dead on the day they died.

As for the picture--they’re sitting out in the garden, kind of away from everything else so that if anyone sees Emily ‘talking to herself,’ they won’t really think anything of it. She’s just a kid playing... a weird kid, but still. Isabella is explaining how they can manifest themselves and choose any appearance they want, so yes, Reginald chose that stupid 90s haircut.

#mel irl #melrose art #barbie babbles #emily willows #isabella x reginald #i completely and utterly gave up on properly lining this so i just colored the sketch #but it is my right as an artist to half ass it whenever i want #i still really like how this came out tho i think it went really well #brilliant echo: princess charm school

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