a-confused-teen-venting

[a-confused-teen-venting]

Hi, fellow aroace here in regards to your last post

I myself am sex-repulsed, but there are members of the ace community who engage in sex/masturbate/etc. while still identifying as asexual.

I don't have much experience with hypersexuality (what I've gleamed is that it's compulsive) but I don't think it disqualifies you. In my eyes being aro or ace is about not feeling that attraction, but also about not wanting sex/romance to be a requirement in your relationships. There are aces who have sex and aros who do romantic gestures even if they don't get anything from it bc their partner likes it or just because they don't mind it. The issue arises when they are told they have to feel that kind of love.

When I was figuring out being aro, the questions that got me to consider it was "do you feel that attraction? do you enjoy these kinds of gestures? do you want them in my life, consistently?". And even answering all of those negatively, it took me a while to actually settle on aromantic bc I was afraid of not feeling love. Nowadays tho I'm aro and very happy about it. And if it changes, so be it!

In the end I leave you with what my dear friends told me when I was questioning about both being ace and (especially) being aro - try the label out, see if it makes you happy, and either keep it or discard it. Either way you'd have learned something abt yourself.

Labels are allowed to change, and you're allowed to be wrong while you figure it out for yourself. They're descriptive words. In the end their purpose is for you to define and describe your feelings, right? And other people shouldn't police you about whether you're a "true asexual". Community isn't build to be exclusive.

Sorry for the lengthy post, and I hope you figure it all out.

thank you so much for your message!

i am aware of asexuals and aromantics that engage in things they don’t particularly require to be satisfied in a relationship for the sake of their partner, which is a totally valid thing to do.

however, at times i do find myself in that train of thought when trying to figure out my identity: will i have a partner? if so will it be a normal relationship? how about a qpr? would we have mini dates that would be strictly platonic? would we do physical things?

at times i cant really answer questions like these because of uncertainty, lack of experience and confusing emotions. in addition, mentally i think i have to fit a certain criteria to be considered a “true asexual” or a “true aromantic” to but i guess i should be more focused on me and my own experience.

like how i responded to someone before, i want to be open to trying the label and figuring out how i feel about it. and like you said, i could either discard it or keep it onces i figure it out. which is much better than how i have been doing for years which was putting it off to the point i have uncertainty on my sexuality.

again, thank you for sharing your experience. reading your message was very comforting in a way, and I apologize for the late response.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #aspec #ace

[a-confused-teen-venting]

hi! first of all, im an adult so if you don't want me interacting just say the word and i'll leave! but re: asexual id and hypersexuality, i used to think i was hypersexual too if i was understanding the definition of that properly, but i came to find out that having a libido and and experiencing actual sexual attraction are too different but often confusing things when navigating whether or not you're on the ace spectrum. you can have a very strong, active, etc libido/sex drive and still be ace! similar to how allos can have very low libidos and not be ace. the academic definition of libido is kinda confusing so i kinda describe it as like, deriving pleasure from sexual acts or self pleasure, and having a drive to seek out that (usually physical, but also serotonin generation) pleasure, whereas actual sexual attraction can be a combination of that and a desire to be intimate with another person, or just the desire to be intimate with someone in the case of low libido allos. i know it can be very confusing though, especially at first, so i wish you the best of luck on your journey! :) and you're always welcome to try on different labels for size even if you later change your mind

sorry for the late reply, thank you so much for your advice

it’s definitely difficult seeing the line between having a high libido and wishing to be intimate with someone. im also aware of asexuals who still very much do the action rather than the attraction which is totally valid!

still is all a very messy thing to figure out. im kinda jumping from being somewhere on the asexual spectrum to maybe i am sexually attracted to people im just not sure.

i do believe that the way that i grew up is what is staggering my process my sexuality but i am glad and satisfied with my aromantic identity. i think i really need to learn more and try to see how the label applies to me the same way i did with my aromantic label.

again, thanks for your message, it was very helpful.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #ace #aspec

[a-confused-teen-venting]

my friends were hyping me up when I was going to come in to give wise dating advice for someone as an aromantic. it was funny.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #ace #aspec

[a-confused-teen-venting]

hi i hope it's fine to suggest labels i just wanted to let you know about the term orchidromantic as it seems it may fit you :3

hello there, i dont mind getting labels suggested. i know that your sharing with good intentions to give me a label to see if it fits me.

in that sense, ive never heard of orchidromantic before! this one is new to me and I appreciate you sharing. the only problem is if the crushes I did have back then were truly romantic crushes or just my own form of attraction. have to figure out more.

thanks for sharing!

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #ace #aspec #a spectrum #microlabels #orchidromantic

[a-confused-teen-venting]

ill admit folks…

i think the reason i havent identify as asexual yet is cause of my hypersexuality.

#cue the whomp whomp trumpet sound #the audience gasped in fear #like it makes sense in a way #I barely had attraction to people so I’m close to being aroace #but i see it as unfair to use asexual because I’m hypersexual #idk need help #hypersexual #aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #aspec #a spectrum #ace

[a-confused-teen-venting]

you know when it comes to people i suspect i had an attraction to ive never gotten the idea to date them. like the idea to actually settle down and date someone never crossed my mind. anyone can relate, or is this again just another type of attraction?

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #aspec #ace #a spectrum

[a-confused-teen-venting]

i swear only confused ace or aro people will be analyzing relationships and their attraction to people like its a science investigation.

be aware soon folks cause ill be onces again sharing my sexuality dilemma and will want your opinions soon!

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #aromanticism #asexual #ace #aspec #a spectrum

[a-confused-teen-venting]

hey hi regarding your last post have you heard of the term quoi? i personally very much relate to the experience you described and this label literally saved me so much time questioning my identity

hello there

ive had heard of quoi before and reading more about the identity I can relate to some of the experiences that can apply with identifying as quoi.

its interesting and i could try seeing if it could apply to me. ive had tried going by other labels such as questioning or unlabeled too to save my sanity.

ill admit, at times my crisis comes from how i can’t just pick any of the “common” identities. of course having micro labels or not well known identities isn’t bad and i believe they are just as useful and valid as any other identity. its just at times i wish i could be “easier”.

but i have to remember im not easy. and this confusion could apply with me using identities that dont fit the norm, like quoi, aego, gray probably…

its all still mind boggling, and also hard to find validation when i feel like i cant apply fully into an identity but i try to not get it into my head.

i appreciate sharing about quoi! it was very interesting learning more about the identity and i can definitely see why it saved you. maybe if i try to think about it more i could see how it fits me. thank you so much!

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #quoisexual #quoi #asexual #aromanticism #ace #aspec #a spectrum

[a-confused-teen-venting]

im still having a crisis about my sexuality because ive never worked on giving myself a label through many years. ive always been just… eh.

i know my account helps as a space to share my aromantic experience and im still sharing a lot about my lack of attraction, but at times its it’s so difficult because im still confused about who am i.

its difficult to safely pick a label for yourself when you arent so sure about what you want and what feels more comfortable.

this is all confusing…

#do yall mind if I ever become more open about my experience and get your opinions? #I barely have people to talk to and ill like to just find people that maybe are just like me #sorry for rambling #aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #ace #aspec #a spectrum

[a-confused-teen-venting]

happy valentines to all my fellow aro folks. hope y’all just treating yourself with something you like to eat and spending time with you comfort plushie or pet or even just hanging out with family, friends or platonic partner. just because it’s valentines day doesn’t mean those that are aromantic can’t celebrate it our own way.

Also lets goooo lets be trendinggggg

#here yall a platonic gesture 💐 #aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #ace #aspec #a spectrum

[a-confused-teen-venting]

“OMG THEY ARE SO HOT” - said the person who never felt attraction to someone in their life.

#I know you can find people attractive if the look good I’m just stating something silly #can also apply to asexuals and aroace better #aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #ace #aspec

[a-confused-teen-venting]

Playing flirty or slutty characters in rpgs while not having any attraction to anyone in real life.

#random character appears and is my turn to flirt #would never flirt in rl tho #aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #ace #rpg #video games

[a-confused-teen-venting]

This is going to be a weird thing in going to ask you guys…

Have you found fictional characters attractive? If so, In what way? Could it be compare or similar to being attracted to someone in real life?

This is highly directed to the aspec so if y’all don’t mind giving some answers I’ll appreciate it.

#another weird questioner for you guy #a spectrum #aspec #asexual spectrum #aromantic spectrum #asexual #aromantic #aroace #ace #aro #aromantism #aromanticism

[a-confused-teen-venting]

An aromantic’s canon event it’s turning down someone’s feelings and then feel mega guilty for the rest of your life.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aromanticism #aroace #asexual #ace #vent

[a-confused-teen-venting]

Because I wear a lot of masculine baggy clothes, I forget I have boobs. So when I wear tight shirts it’s like “POP” and I’m just wondering where they come from.

#apparently I’m gaslighting myself I do have the chest of a man #trans #transgender #masculine #masculine style

[a-confused-teen-venting]

Wait… so all this time it was alterous attraction?

#naw on fr cuz it actually connected something #when I found out what it was it was like what I felt was put into words #alterous attraction #aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #ace

[a-confused-teen-venting]

i wish i had more aspec friends irl :(

Same. Unfortunately, my only friend that identified as being a-spec has gotten a revelation and now doesn’t refer to themselves as being part of the ace/aro spectrum. Which, you know, good for them. I’m happy they discovered something about themselves that makes them much more comfortable in their identity and beliefs.

But I guess it’s just me now, alone and feeling different from those around me. Which is weird? because I can live with this side of me but at the same time it can be so isolating. I can’t find people who will just get it. These feelings, of vagueness, emptiness and even those feelings of intensity that you get in a way you can’t even be able to describe into words without being misunderstood. I desire so much but also not everything, something that I feel comfortable and satisfied with. Which im not sure if I’ll able to meet people that can comprehend. Or if I even comprehend it myself.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #vent #aromanticism #ace #internalized arophobia