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dmwrites · 1 year

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(I am not sorry for this btw)

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I woke up to my evil stepmom, Iskall85, throwing a potion of harming onto my bed.

“y/n! Wake up! You’re going to be late for school! Were you up late watching those stupid Minecraft YouTube videos again? You’re as useless as diorite! You are why I do hard drugs!” She left the room, and I sighed. Another boring day of my boring life. But I was going to be late for school if I didn’t get ready now.

I got up and put on my cutest outfit- my black suit. I threw my hair up into a messy bun, and stopped in front of the mirror to smooth down my mustache. I sighed. I was just y/n, no one special.

My evil stepmom Iskall85 was snorting redstone off the counter when I entered the kitchen. I sighed, because they were evil and wouldn’t even share their redstone dust with me, and grabbed a banana off the counter. There was a honk from outside.

"Bye, step-Iskall. I'm off to school." I said. My stepmom just flipped me off, and I went outside, sighing some more. I ran over to my bestie’s car and hoped in.

“Good morning Scar!”

“Goodness gracious, y/n, we’re gonna be late! Good thing the swaggon goes fast!” My bestie, Goodtimeswithscar said, slamming on the gas. Scar was super nice and popular, not to mention handsome, and everyone at school loved him. I would probably always be in his shadow, but at least he had taken me in as his friend.

“Sorry, I accidentally slept in. And my evil stepmom threw a potion of harming on me. Do I look okay? I only had time to put my hair up in a messy bun. And I bet my mustache looks atrocious!” I said.

“You look so good, y/n!” Scar said, blowing through a red light. “You’re so hard on yourself, you’re like the prettiest guy in school!”

“Whatever, that’s you you’re talking about.” I replied, but blushed a little.

The swaggon came screeching into the parking lot, and me and Scar got out, running to our science class.

Science class was usually a pretty good place to fix my hair and mustache, as the science we were assigned to do was always chaotic. Ms. ZombieCleo, and her assistant JoeHills, were kept pretty busy making sure no one accidentally created a toxic gas. Today, Docm77 and Rendog had been caught doing… something in the back of the classroom, and it gave me and Scar ample time to sort out ourselves.

“As I was saying, y/n, you have to stop being so hard on yourself!” Scar said, handing me a compact mirror and a mustache comb. “You get top grades, you’re great at redstone, and you always slay that suit!”

“I don’t know, Scar.” I said. “I just feel like I’m just some guy, you know? I’ll never catch anyone’s eye, or be prom queen.”

“Don’t be silly. I know you’re gonna achieve something great in this life, y/n.” Scar said earnestly.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and in came one of the secretaries, Geminitay.

“y/n to the principal’s office.” She said. She looked kind of worried.

Goodtimeswithscar gripped my arm. “Great Jellie, y/n, are you in trouble?”

“I don’t know.” I replied. “I can’t think of anything that I could have done.” But I stood up, grabbed my backpack, and followed Geminitay out the door. Ms. ZombieCleo and JoeHills didn’t notice me leave.

“Is everything okay?” I asked Gem.

“I- well- I’ll get the principal to explain it to you.” Gem said, and we walked in silence the rest of the way to the front office. I was so nervous.

“Hello, y/n.” My principal, Mr. Xisumavoid, waved me into his office when we arrived.

“Is everything okay, Mr. Void?” I asked him.

“Well, it is quite the situation.” Principal Xisumavoid said. “You see, your mom just called-”

“Step mom.” I corrected him.

“Right, step mom.” Principal Xisumavoid said. “Well, either way, she called to tell us that she has sold you to someone else so she could buy more redstone and potions.”

I gasped. “What? She sold me? To who?” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t believe my stepmom had sold me!

Principal Xisuma looked down at the paper in front of him. “Ah, to a person called Grian.”

“Wait, what? You mean the famous youtuber Grian from Minecraft?” I gasped.

“Yep. That’s me. Grian from Minecraft!”

I turned around to find Grian standing at the door to Principal Xisumavoid’s office. It was really him! With his waffle-looking hair and beady black eyes and red sweater, there was no mistaking him.

“y/n, when I saw that your evil stepmom put you up for sale on Facebook marketplace, I knew I had to do something! Don’t worry, y/n, I am very famous and rich. We will be best friends. And I must say, your moustache looks lovely.”

I gasped and blushed, my tears drying. Famous youtuber Grian complementing me? y/n? Suddenly, I knew my life was about to get a whole lot crazier.

#January 1 2023 #fic #Mumbo jumbo #hermitcraft #long post #fun fact the first fic I ever wrote for mcyt was a y/n ponk fic simiwlr to this #anyway #enjoy the funny

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emberglowfox · 8 months

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Keeper -- a short comic about an angel meeting a robotic lighthouse keeper that doesn't know the world has already ended. Made in about 18 hours for a 24-hour 24-page* black and white comic challenge (that I arrived late to, ha.)

*the actual submission does not include the cover, which was created after the fact for this post.

This was a really great learning experience as someone who's... never really made a completed comic. I ended up really attached to the story by the end of the project (possibly due to all-nighter deliriousness lol) and ultimately am very proud of what I made.There are some things I'd still like to change, particularly text placement, but in keeping with the spirit of the challenge I've elected to leave it as is.

#sparks art #comic #angel #robot #my art #my comics #keeper: the angel #keeper: the lighthouse keeper #my ocs #hoogh. this was a grind yall lmao. but i am pleased with it #i hope you enjoy :pray: also keep your fingers crossed for me that this wins the contest #like it. it wont. because i am up against actual SEQA kids that know what theyre doing. and i dont actually mind really #but it would be funny #long post #very long post #sorry #i hope the readmore works

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automaticbreakfastmachine · 8 months

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#musicals #theatre #movies #memes #funny #Twitter #les mis #bread #shit post #French class #i have a sub rn and I’m too bored enjoy the shitpost

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nouverx · 3 months

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These two have the potential to be the funniest duo of the show istg

First one is from this amazing reblog from one of my posts, second one is inspired by some of the replies of said post

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin alastor #hazbin art #angel dust #alastor #my art #comic #autodesk sketchbook #I desperately want Alastor and Angel Dust to interact more in the next seasons #tons of puns and funny situations about those two are popping in my brain as we speak #I'm enjoying drawing comics lately don't mind me

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nicktoonsunite · 6 months

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misc NU doodles part tres

last comic is based off off my nasb 2 clip

#nicktoons unite #danny phantom #jimmy neutron #the fairly oddparents #spongebob squarepants #el tigre #my life as a teenage robot #manny rivera #jenny wakeman #also HELLO HI ive been getting a surge of messages lately and i havent gotten to replying bc ive been a bit busy #and i also wanna say i love reading all the tags on my latest posts youre all so funny #thank you for enjoying my art theres more where that came from #im still i nthe middle of watching el tigre and i ended up getting hyperfixated i fear #mlaatr will be next hold ur horses jenny enjoyers #dewdles #comic

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listen-to-the-inner-walrus · 10 months

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so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

#kai rambles #so like #i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like #i dont really care for warships #i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them #apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod #or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter #like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED #but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water #william d porter #uss william d porter #ww2 #world war 2 #world war ii #warships #again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny #uss iowa #fdr #franklin d. roosevelt #this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck #shipposting

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sleepy-bebby · 2 years

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#meme #memes #relatable meme #relatable memes #relatable #oop #funny memes #funny meme #mecore #funny #lol #babe is everything ok #I wanna add that this is really just a joke.#it’s ok to enjoy having a simple and mundane life #I’m definitely happy with mine

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lilybug-02 · 8 months

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Limited clothing options. True story.

#kris staying in the same clothes every day is so funny to me #of course it makes sense in a game play standpoint but man it’s so funny when characters just stay in the same clothes every day #truly enjoy it so much man #bread #deltarune #kris #art #my art #comic #mini comic #deltarune comic

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thetimelordbatgirl · 2 months

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The police in Scotland have the chance to do the most funniest thing right now.

#anti jk rowling #jk rowling #come on grant her wish #though imagine seeing laws coming in to deal with hate crimes #and just instantly throwing a childish style bigot fuelled tantrum #cause you wanna keep being a bigot without consquiences #its all freedom of speech until theres consquiences for said freedom of speech #and of course her fellow transphobes are trying to say the truth isnt a crime...what truth? transphobia???#it counts as a hate crime now not sorry if your in scotland #enjoy getting consquiences for your bigotry #also shout out to someone saying it'd be funny if they only did so they could raid a literal castle #i too think there's at least someone on the force itching to do that

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hailsatanacab · 6 months

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Family Dinners - dpxdc

"Holy shit, you're Bruce Wayne!" Danny gaped, jabbing a finger at the man sitting at the head of the table.

The bustling dining room goes silent as everyone turns to look at him.

"Danny, who did you think was going to be here?" Tim asks, disbelief plain in his voice and Danny feels his face flush red.

"Sorry, I, uh, I guess I just never put it together. Tim Drake-Wayne. Wayne Manor. It, uh, makes sense now." He laughs sheepishly and scrubs at his neck before slumping back down into his chair.

"Well," Tim says with an indulgent sigh, "at least I know you're not just friends with me for my connections."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry, I just never thought about it, I guess."

Danny sinks lower as everyone around him laughs. Come to dinner, he said, the food is the best, he said, ignore the family, he said. Danny really wishes he'd listened to Tim and just ignored them—almost as much as he's regretting accepting the offer in the first place—but... he's having dinner with Batman.

Ancients, that's so weird!

The last time he saw Batman was in the future and, suffice it to say, it was not going well. There hadn't really been time for family dinners there.

Wait. Family dinners?

He peers around the table, openly gawking at everyone as it all clicks into place.

"Everything alright, Danny? Now realising who everyone else is?" Tim asks with a roll of his eyes.

"Uh... something like that..." Danny mumbles as everyone laughs again.

From further down the table, the smallest Wayne scoffs and clicks his tongue.

"I thought you said he was smart, Drake?"

"So, you all do it, too, then?" he asks, ignoring the jibe. Danny's only a little bit jealous as he thinks of how much easier they must have it, how much easier it'd be if his family had been on his side, too. "You all work together?"

"Nah," Dick says from across the table with a brilliant grin. "Tim's the only one that works with Bruce, we all have different jobs. I'm a police officer in Bludhaven."

"Disgusting." Danny blurts out without thinking—because seriously, what kind of self-respecting vigilante would also be a police officer?—before clapping a hand over his mouth. "Sorry."

The whole table laughs again, the loudest being the blonde girl a few spaces down from Dick. Look, Danny wasn't really paying attention to names when they were all paraded in front of him. Dick only gets remembered because his name is a joke.

Come on, Danny, recover!

"That's, uh, not what I meant, though."

"Oh?" Dick asks, cocking his head slightly to the side. Is it Danny's imagination or does his smile tense slightly?

"Yeah, I mean like, you know, in costume. It must make it so much easier to have everyone together like this."

"Costume? What do you mean?"

Yeah, Danny's not imagining it, everyone tenses up at that. It's really only now that he's realising that this probably isn't how he should bring up that he knows about their... night time activities. In fact, he probably shouldn't be bringing it up at all.

"Uuhhh..." Danny looks wildly around the table as he continues making his stupid noise. Think, think, think! There must be a way out of this!

"Danny?" Tim asks, looking concerned.

"Oh, Ancients, this isn't how I wanted it to go at all," he mutters, slipping even further into his chair. He's almost on the floor now and he so, so wishes it could just swallow him up.

His real first meeting with Batman was meant to be cool! He had planned to be Phantom, maybe save them from a tight spot, prove his worth as a mysterious and powerful ally as thanks for the help Batman gave him in the future.

"Danny, what are you talking about?" Tim starts tugging on his sleeve in an attempt to pull him back up from his pit of despair.

Eventually, Danny relents and sits up straighter, hiding his face in his hands and whining all the while.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect him to be here and it threw me off so now I look stupid and it's so embarrassing!" he wails, flailing his arms wide. "Why wouldn't you warn me that Batman was your adopted dad, Tim? Couldn't you have let me know?"

"I'm sorry, what? Danny are you alright? There's no way Bruce can be Batman, look at him!"

"Yeah," the blonde girl laughs from the bottom of the table, "look at him! That's a wet noodle of a man! Batman can actually do things, B is incapable of pretty much everything."

"Thank you, Stephanie," Bruce sighs, massaging his forehead.

It's... Those are the first words Danny's heard Batman say since everything went down and it's enough to knock him out of his embarrassment.

It's really good to hear his voice again. Especially now, when it's strong and healthy and full of personality—even if that personality is little more than a tired father right now—far better than how it had been, at the end.

Danny sits up, back straight, and grins. He's got this. He remembers it perfectly. Some people count sheep to fall asleep, Danny repeats his mantra to be certain that he'll never forget it.

"Gamma alpha upsilon tau iota mu epsilon, 42, 63, 28, 1 colon 65 dash 9."

Once again, the whole table falls into silence.

"Holy shit..." breathes the other D name (Duke? Danny's pretty sure he's Signal) from opposite Stephanie. "Isn't that...?"

"The time travelling code." The littlest Wayne says stiffly. "We have met in the future?"

"That's not just the time travelling code, Dami." Dick says, looking between Danny and Bruce. "That's the family time travelling code."

Danny's grin freezes in place.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"1 colon 65 dash 9." Dick explains, still flicking between him and Bruce. "It means you've been adopted into the family and we should all treat you as such, no questions asked."

"Tell you what, I'm about to ask a question." Danny says, dumbstruck. "You just told me it was a code to identify time travellers, not anything about being adopted! What the hell, B?"

Bruce looks about as shellshocked as Danny feels.

"We must have been close," he says finally, after opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water a few times.

"No! Not that close!" Danny reels back, taking a deep breath ready to refute it all, but... "Well, I mean, you found me when I first got stuck, and you helped me get better despite being... And then we fought together against the, uh, bad guy, before he, um, he... before you couldn't."

An uncomfortable beat passes while they all pick up on what Danny tried so hard not to say.

"So, you're not from the future, then, you travelled there and came back?" Tim asks, breaking the tension and leaning forward with a glint in his eye.

"Yeah, it was a whole end of the world thing, but don't worry about it," Danny says with a hand wave, "It's all kosher now, won't ever happen."

"What did happen?"

"Seriously, don't worry about it, we cool."

"How long in the future was it?"

"About ten years? You were pretty spry for an old man, B," Danny laughs, wishing they'd get off the topic of what happened and get back to the adoption bit.

Everyone shares degrees of a cautious smile as they relax out of the shock, and Dick—whose grin is the biggest—says, "No wonder you got the family code, you're already riffing on him like one of us. How long were you there for?"

"A week, before I managed to get back to my present and stop him then."

"A week? Jeez, B, that has to set some kind of record, seriously."

"Oh!" Danny says, sitting bolt upright and blinking in surprise before pointing at Dick and bouncing in his seat. "You're Nightwing!"

"What?"

"That's exactly what Nightwing said when Batman told me the code! Makes so much more sense now."

Dick laughs and claps his hands, delighted.

"You were not formally adopted?" The grumpy small one—Dami?—asks, his face pinched.

"I didn't even know I was informally adopted."

"And your parents? Are they alive or dead?"

"Damian, stop—"

"They were dead in the future, but they're alive now." Danny says, looking down. He fiddles with the tablecloth, twisting the fabric around his fingers as he fights down the pang of sadness that he always feels when he thinks of them now. He forces a bright smile on his face and hopes it doesn’t look too strained. "I just, uh, can't talk to them much, anymore."

"Damian," Dick warns, "1 colon 65 dash 9. Treat them as family, no questions asked."

"This is Damian treating him as family, the little turd has no manners." Tim scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he gently bumps shoulders with Danny to knock him out of his funk. Danny can't help but send him a watery smile.

"I have the most exemplary manners, Drake, unlike some people." Damian spits, crossing his arms with a pout. "I was merely ascertaining his status to see how he could possibly fit into the family."

"I know this is all a bit sudden, Danny," Bruce smiles, ignoring Damian and reaching out to lay a warm hand on his arm, "for all of us. But if I felt strongly enough to give you that code after spending a week with you in the future, then you are more than welcome in this family, if you so choose it. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we'd like to get to know you a bit more."

"I know a threat when I hear it, Bruce." Danny snorts. "But, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry this is all so weird, it really wasn't how I wanted to find you again, but... I'm glad I did."

"So are we, Danny." Dick says, with a warm smile. "And formally or not, 1 colon 65 dash 9 means you're family. Welcome to the fun house! No take backs or refunds, sorry. You're stuck with us."

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #batpham #hailsatanacrab🦀🦀writes #look. this has been in my mind for so long guys so long - and idk if its canon that the batfam have codes for time travel situations or what #but i feel like ive seen it before and if its not canon it should be #so here - how i think that would be funny to go down #i have so many thoughts about TUE and its place in a dpxdc crossover like holy shit there's so many ways it can go!!#i have another wip in the works thats kinda similar to this but with superman and i cannot wait to work on it again #there are so many ways i wanted this to go but i just couldnt get there - i wanted to keep it on the shorter side but like #perhaps ill have to expand #i just love the idea that like. theres a stranger at your table who knows you and knows you well. who knows the secret that youd die to keep #there's a stranger at your table and he says something and you know he's family. you know you're strangers but now...#now you have to be something more #oh man theres so many juicy ways it can go and I KNOW I DID NONE OF THEM #i want to write this whole plot again and make it angstier #(me with everything)#anyway! sorry love you all hope you enjoy it!!

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