#end of academic year

[biruesque]

merry yurismas!!!!!!

#revolutionary girl utena #utena tenjou #anthy himemiya #utenanthy #utenthy #chuchu #biruesque art #rgu's final episode aired on this date 26 years ago! #i hope i got that right uhhhh timelines are wack but iirc it's the same day where i am and in japan #sorry for lack of posts... my academic schedule smashes my bones from october thru to the end of the year #but anyway happy gender destruction day!

[annateachr18]

A nice 'pat in the back'

A nice ‘pat in the back’

End of the Academic Year. You are a #teacher committed to your profession and your #students💟Best case scenario you got a nice #feedback from them. ❔But, have you received any #recognition from your 💁🏻 fellow teachers, from your head of studies, your director? 👍 Take the lead, and give a pat in the back to that colleague whose work you admire or who has been by your side all year long.🙌🏻 Believe…

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#encouragement #end of academic year #end of school year #good vibes #good work #recognition #support #teacher coach #Teaching

[bacchuschucklefuck]

okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #not art #fhjy spoilers #its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical #like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real #like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this #yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out #meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring! #theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it #its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started #the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show #which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them #and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear #that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others #thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and #a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he #wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude #its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others #and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT #Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere #Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually #Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!

[natjennie]

what's weird about the fantasy high drama is that like. it seems to me like people forget d&d is primarily a) a game you play with your friends and also b) luck based.

I mean it's fine to say that "nothing felt like a challenge" and "they just dominated everything and there weren't any stakes" but like. it's not as if they weren't up against huge threats. they lost the mall fight. the last stand was an onslaught of enemies. they fought a dozen dragons from an airship. the fights were hard. they're just really good. they've had very good dice luck in general this season and are all very high level and highly specialized. fig is gonna beat deception and performance checks. adaine's gonna figure out the arcana. riz is gonna succeed investigations. like. for some reason their strategical competence and wisely picked abilities are. a downside? a disappointment?

the thing about d&d that you need to remember is it's first and foremost a game. it's mostly random and it takes you down weird paths and you're playing to have fun with your friends. the dice are literally telling the story that it's their time, it's their year. they've struggled enough. they've trained enough. they're good at what they do. and in my post about the academic/domestic/personal stressors being the focus, d&d doesn't have any other system to work them out than rolling different skills. that's what d&d is. brennan set specific challenge levels for different tasks and the players strategized to prioritize which abilities they were strongest in. the challenges were there. and the players rose to them. they were both smart in their delegation of responsibilities and lucky with their dice rolls. of which, both are foundations of d&d.

don't mistake them being good players and getting lucky with there being no hardship. just because they smashed through the wall, that doesn't mean the wall wasn't strong. they were just stronger.

#i know some people are disappointed from a storytelling perspective. but you have to understand. #what was brennan supposed to do. he threw things at them both at and above their challenge level #he created a whole system to simulate academic and person goals and stress throughout the year #he gave them plenty of chances to fail #he set DCs high. #the players just knocked it out of the park #you can't tell any story but the ones the dice want you to #if he had manufactured more danger or difficulty where there was none it would have felt cheap #and do you not remember the night yorb fight #like. the whole point of the year was that it wasn't hard. it just never stopped #they can do it they're capable they're smart. but the hustle and the stress and the fighting and the working never ends #that's why nothing 'had stakes' or 'felt challenging' #it's the slog that gets you. it's how long you're willing to keep going. #how much life can break you almost to your last breath but you get through it and you keep going anyway #but. i digress. #and i say all this with complete and total respect to other people's opinions #i feel no hate and wish no bad feelings on anyone who disagrees with this! #it's just my personal view on the whole thing #sorry if im being annoying i just have. opinions. #fantasy high #d20 #dimension 20 #fhjy

[stuckinapril]

me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb

#kissed a guy at a kickback and thought we caught a vibe only to find out he just wants to fuck me. next #friend’s bf of 7 years drunkenly hit on me at the same kickback (I was not ok w this). they ended up beefing over me. he denied everything. #do I want to be involved in this? no. and so I simply ignore it and keep it pushing #and the guy I kissed is cancelled. like he is dead to me. so that’s also taken care of #it’s back to studying full-time for the mcat #going to the gym/taking walks daily #volunteering at the refugee center + clinic #getting published in orgo research papers #and trying to snag the opportunity to shadow doctors at a massive cancer research center. like I’d kill for it #december was such a mess but I’ve finally made peace w the fact that most of the stuff that happened I couldn’t prevent #but I’ve mourned it enough !! whatever drama comes out of it I’ll handle just fine #i literally want to be a multitasking academic weapon everyone is intimidated of this year #i am not letting something as puny as a dumb man (both of them btw) stop me. goodbye #also everyone involved is older than me (they’re both 23) but it all just feels like such high school behavior #this is not a euphoria episode like I’m literally just not entertaining any of this #had to get this off my chest. i feel better #p

[dk-ghostmachines]

I gotta talk about FourDogs (again)

It's barely about her, though. I think "he's so lucky his dad was brutally murdered" and "people with trauma need a second handicap because they're too motivated" are such absolute-the-fuck-ly bonkers takes, they're not even worth the time it took me to get mad about them, which was immediately. This time around, I have way more to say about audience reception. I'll try to keep it civil.

It feels like a lot of us are responding from increasingly personal places because these are characters with which a lot of us identify, or we see traits in them that remind us of people from our real lives. And hey! Another performance and storytelling slay on the part of one Brennan Lee Mulligan. Who else can invent 50+ characters every year and play them to the point where any one of them can evoke both an "omg that's literally me!" and an "omg that's literally Dani, the girl that bullied me all of freshmen year until I punched out her front tooth in the student parking lot and got in-school suspension for a month!". And whether Kipperlily reminds you of Dani, or reflects your own anxieties about potential, ability, and trauma, an important thing to remember is this: she is not real!

Brennan made her up! Brennan made her up to tell a story, and when he made her up, he made her annoying, petty, antagonistic, and he gave her not just opposing goals to the the protagonists we know and love, but the explicit goal of ruining The Bad Kids' lives, specifically.

Now, I'm not saying she's fictional to be a dick, or dismiss any deeper readings on her or any of the Rat Grinders. I'm bringing it up because the way I'm seeing people talk to each other about these characters is starting to get a little wild and it's in danger of waking up The Olde Gods™ (i.e. the special brand of Tumblr Self-Righteousness that lives inside us all).

It's important to remember Kipperlilly is a character in a fictive work so that different interpretations of her don't get treated as stone law. Each reading of her is personal and valid, but none are gospel. The "Kipperlilly is but a victim" take is not the only correct one, nor is radical empathy for her as a character the only correct reaction. Also, even if I consider her sympathetic that is not incompatible with an opinion like "Kipperlilly needs to get roundhouse'd in the head by a lesbian in a tracksuit and/or a wizard in a jean jacket, posthaste". Sure, you can say that anyone who doesn't feel a deep and eclipsing empathy for Kipperlilly above all other emotions is immature at best and sociopathic at worst, but then I can just say anyone who demands solely empathy for Kipperlilly and excuses her literal crimes and bass-ackwards world view because she's insecure and has anger issues, is probably also someone who has a history of weaponizing whatever minority status they may or may not occupy to talk over, silence, or harass people of color.

They're both just opinions. And also, like. Y'know. A bit much.

To engage in the long and rich tradition of measuring character trajectories against those in the Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon, let's compare Kipperlilly to Azula. Azula had an incredibly sympathetic backstory and untreated mental health issues. Azula was also a danger to herself and others, as well as profoundly manipulative and abusive (although, it was a children's show so Azula never killed anybody for whatever that's worth). Do I wish that fourteen-year-old girl had an Iroh-type in her life? Literally one adult who loved her genuinely and advocated for her best interests? Of course I do. I saw the Ember Island episode, I watched that one video essay! Does that mean it was any less satisfying to watch Zuko and Katara kick her absolute ass? No! And it was non-lethal anyway, children's show, duh.

That brings me to my other thing; Kipperlilly is a character in a fictive work that is not finished. And I know that point will age poorly, but I'm thinking it won't be the only one (hey-o). Remember the people that were calling The Bad Kids bullies? And then we learned that Kipperlilly hated Riz because his fucking dad fucking died?? And that was a full academic year before getting reanimated by a rage god?? I'll do a tame one; remember when Gilear wasn't cursed?? He was "just a guy"?? The show is serialized, gang, the world is still building! Clerickiller is not done yet, y'all need to let her cook! I'm sure we'll tune in next week to see her graduate from "unhinged" to "unaffiliated with the door frame or any frame-like structure". Reprimanding people on Tumblr will not change the trajectory of this character who, by the way, has not expressed remorse or any desire for a path other than violence. You look me in my black face after your blorbo slits a kid's throat and say "help her"?? Kipperlilly doesn't want get better right now, she wants one thing and that's for Kristen Applebees to go fuck herself and die!! You were there, you heard it!! When the fictional behavior changes, as it often does in stories, so will my opinion. There is no fore-forgiveness. Without an actual redemption arc I will continue to see the villain as a villain.

Speaking of, I think what some people have an issue with is the level of hate Kipperlilly's getting and how aggressive it is. But like.... isn't that allowed?? Because of all the stuff I said but also because like, mama said that it was okay! And by "mama" I mean Siobhan Thompson who said Kipperlilly belongs under the jail. Sure, in the real world, adults don't tell kids they belong in the ground that's crazy fucked up, but all these kids are played by adults and Emily as Fig joked that she was gonna smite the sixteen-year-old girl played by the thirty-something man. You're telling me the antagonist antagonizes the protagonists, and the protagonists go "boo, hiss" and then I, the audience, go "boo, hiss as well" but I'm wrong? I'm wrong, somehow, cool checks out.

"They're XP Levelling*punches a locker*!!"

"That girl is worse than Kalvaxus."

"Littledoggy Girlcollar"

Am I not engaging with the narrative on it's own terms if I say "i'd tell Clerickiller to die mad, but she clearly already did, Jojo Siwa head-ass, in reference to that fuck-ass ponytail and your toxic yuri" Do I need to draw a little caitmay-style OC to say it for me, would that be better?

God-forbid, we have fun? Must we discourse, always? FourDogs is tragic, FourDogs is compelling, FourDogs is Dani from 9th grade. She is Azula from Avatar and Clare from Fleabag and Brennan Lee Mulligan from my dreams and that is something that can be so personal. But no one else has to participate in your parasocial relationship. What's crazy is, I actually like Kipperlilly! As a character. I mean, the "trauma is privilege" obviously hit a nerve with me because of real life stuff, but the image of her over the rogue teacher's grave?? With a backhoe and a "gotcha, bitch" expression??? Come on, that is fresh-off-the-vine Cunt™. Even more so than I imagined that moment to be when we first heard about it. Her ending up in a Ragh or Aelwyn place would be way more satisfying than a Goldenrod or Penelope Everpetal place, BUT IT WILL ALSO be satisfying to see whatever Kipperlilly's version of the locked-in-a-chokehold-and-being-gaslit-into-thinking-you-shit-the-coach's-pants-scene is. In addition to the non-lethal ass-kicking that proceeds it.

Y'all can chuck the insinuation that something so clearly subjective is actually objective and has moral implications that make me bad, directly in the garbage. What is this, religion, hey-o.

#lost some civility there at the end #but shit im not iroh #im a hater first #and an advocate for mental health third #and second i am an advocate for poc's getting their lick back against white people #especially if they were hurting your academic prospects #yes riz is a poc even though he's played by murph #me and demi adejuyigbe talked about it #fhjy spoilers #dimension 20 #d20 #kipperlilly copperkettle #brennan lee mulligan #fhjy #fantasy high junior year #the bad kids

[thecryptidzenith]

how much do we wanna bet that Kipperlilly was at the Ashgrove Cemetery mourning a parent when she found the rogue teacher?

#i'm just saying #we know there are Parallels #and what the fuck else is a girl like kipperlilly doing at a cemetery before the first day of her junior year? #the rogue teacher found her #she found her student grieving on the first day of school #and she did what any good teacher would do #do you think it hurt kipperlilly to turn in that paperwork? to turn the kindness shown to her into an academic weapon? #why does she have to be so perfect? #is it because she knows where she'll end up if she isn't? #she cares a lot about fairness #what's more unfair to than death? #ankarna was a goddess of justice and of anger #do you think kipperlilly has a strange connection to that? #maybe in the same way a goblin detective may have a strange connection to a goddess of mystery? #is this anything? idk honestly #i'm probably wrong #but if i'm not... #d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #fantasy high junior year #kipperlilly copperkettle

[hersweetrevenge]

okay but i think it says a lot about eddie that he clearly wanted to graduate high school.

in some way or another, it was clearly something he actually wanted to do, or he would have just dropped out when he flunked his first senior year.

but he didn't. he tried again. and again. those aren't the actions of someone who couldn't care less if they get a diploma or not. the whole school thinks he's a freak, he goes through the embarrassment every day of being the 20-year-old super-duper senior, but he does still go to school.

idk whether it might be partly on his uncle's suggestion (wayne seems to want the best for eddie and that probably means getting some qualifications), or whether he wants to do it for himself (to prove that he could, in fact, do it) but either way, instead of dropping out when he so easily could have (especially after his 2nd try) he didn't.

and this is why i so desperately wanted to see him graduate. it wasn't just about "getting out of this dump" (which he could have done years ago by dropping out) it was about proving he could do it, that he could accomplish this mile stone and then move on.

#eddie munson #stranger things 4 #god i love him so much #and i will never forgive that he didnt get to walk that stage #disclaimer. i do not think its bad to not graduate hs first time around #the school system isnt suited to a lot of people #and academic achievement is not the be all end all by any means #but. eddies situation #for whatever reason. he wants to graduate. and that means going through senior year 3 times for him #hs is often terrible and there would be people there that think hes a total idiot for being 20 and still trying to graduate #but the thing is is that he still does it #instead of being embarrassed (as far as we see) he sticks it out and is willing to keep trying #the big thing is #he doesnt have to do this #he could have dropped out and probably still been in a similar position career wise (esp. in the 80s) #so like please god i just wanted to see him graduate #yeah maybe music is his dream but graduating clearly meant somethin g to him too

[okwonyo]

important

please raise awareness, please have an heart and pray for others. please speak up for gaza and palestine, your interests can wait but they can’t. do not be silent. they need our help now.

see what you can do to help these people here.

#⠀⠀⠀ ⚠️⠀⠀⠀IMPORTANT ⠀⠀⠀❗️ #please guys do not stay uneducated #please inform yourself and help palestine and gaza #please do something #the ​academic year has ended because all the students have been k!lled

[ohbother2]

Hi!!

I just wanna say first off that I completely get if you don't respond to this cos it's quite a random question and I hope you're doing well :)

but I wanted to ask! Do you have an oc for Hazbin Hotel?? I'd personally love to know what you're mind's come up with because you write all the characters with so much detail! Ik this I random but a lot of other big creators in the Hazbin Hotel fandom have pitched their own oc's and I was just wondering if you had the same!!

Would love it if you shared, but completely get if not :)) hope you're doing well, can't wait for the alastor fic!!! <3

Hi!!

Can't lie when I saw this ask in my inbox I was really surprised, I didn't think people really cared for oc's tbh

But yes I do! They don't have a name yet though but a very thorough backstory 😅

I guess I could give you some of the brief details? I don't want to swamp my followers with things they're not interested in, so if you guys want to hear any more just lmk :)

Details under the cut to make this easier to scroll past if you're not interested!

Disclaimer - I've had this oc since way back in 2019 when the pilot dropped so she has some similarities to other characters in the series that I wasn't aware of at the time. Also, dark themes ahead watch out.

So, my oc is a woman who died in 1948 at 24 years old.

I head canon that exterminators are a class of people who did 'sinful' deeds but for the right reasons - they go to Heaven but on the condition that they perform this one 'sinful' killing act once a year.

My oc had to kill her brother in self-defence after he suffered from PTSD after WW2 and mistook her as an 'enemy' during a particularly bad flashback. That was the only 'real' sin she committed, so when she went to heaven she was recruited as an exterminator.

She was murdered by her father (strangulation), who could not forgive her for killing her brother. Because of this, she has horrendous trust issues.

She's the oldest of three siblings: two brothers and a sister. Only her youngest brother outlived her.

In heaven, she never sought out her mother or sister, too scared to admit to them what she did, or what happened to their family.

She is technically a 'fallen' angel, but never had her wings removed. She fought with another exterminator over having to kill a child (embarrassingly close to Vaggie's origin story, I was unaware at the time, and may change this to be more original), managed to kill them, but was wounded and unable to make it back to the portal and was left stranded in Hell. She still retains some of her 'angelic' power and attributes because of this. After the portal closed, she was severed from Heaven and took on a 'demon' form. Her wings are tattoos along her back and arms, which can transform into wings if she wants - she rarely does.

She originally tried to persuade exterminators that she was one of them to go back. They just thought she was a sinner trying to lie to them. She's long since given up her hopes of returning to Heaven, and has slowly grown to hate Heaven and the exterminators over her many decades of seeing the effects of the exterminations in Hell.

As a final 'fuck you' to Heaven, she joined the Hazbin Hotel in hopes of screwing up Heaven's preconceptions. She may have the wrong motives, but she's trying her best.

Her love interest is Alastor, but they begin as enemies. It takes a long time for both of them to come around to one another. They bond over their similar time periods, and an odd relationship forms. She has an equally morbid sense of humour after growing up during a particularly bad part of history. Alastor is determined not to let some random sinner be his biggest weakness, she is appalled that such a heinous man could worm his way into her heart. A reluctant love story for both parties.

She's never sought out her father or oldest brother, who are in Hell. She doesn't know what she'd do if she found them - what do you say to the man you killed, and the man who killed you in revenge for that act? She won't admit it, but she's absolutely terrified they'll find her.

She has a lot of demons, and drinks heavily to distract herself from them. She was a 'good soul' on earth, and now that she has free rein she indulges herself as often as she can. She'll never get back to Heaven (she believes) so what does it matter? Men, booze, drugs, does what she wants with it all.

She has a good relationship with Angel Dust, Husk and Sir Pentious. She often hangs out at the bar with them. Despite him being 'The Bartender', even Husk doesn't know her full backstory or how she died, he does notice she hates being touched on the neck, and grows defensive when Alastor constantly pushes this boundary in the first months of knowing her.

She once punched Alastor square in the face in the middle of the hotel lobby for pushing this boundary on the anniversary of her death. He would've killed her on the spot if it weren't for Charlie running in between them. It's this moment that I head canon as the day Alastor realises he actually cares for her more than he thought - he is genuinely upset (and furious for other reasons) that she would push him away so forcefully. He can't allow that.

She gets along well with Niffty, but her childlike antics remind her too much of her younger siblings and she can struggle to be around her for too long. She tries to keep her distance, for her own peace of mind.

Charlie also reminds her of her younger sister, but in a far more 'manageable' way. She does her best to support her with her hopes with the hotel. Vaggie makes sure to keep Charlie 'away' from my oc, she doesn't trust her at all. Vaggie can sense something is off with the hotel's newest resident, but can't quite figure out what. Lucifer is the same.

#Hazbin Hotel oc #can't believe some of you guys are actually interested in this #I've contemplated writing an actual fanfic about this #but that would over the summer after the academic year has ended #hazbin hotel #Hazbin Hotel oc x alastor #alstor

[anaalnathrakhs]

love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what

#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school #because i cant kick my parents out #and appartments cost money #and i dont have a car to sleep in #i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult #anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ????? #find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships #all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options: #to become an academic #or to become a freelancer #i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit) #i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently #but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh... #two summers ago #incredibly good for my mental health as you can see #god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases #but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out #several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just #am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes. #does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me #on top of being unpleasant? #FUCK NO #i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager #now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education #and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously #perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money #broadcasting my misery #vent

[darkpoetrynprose]

“December is letting go, Of all the past year's fails, And starting anew in January, As time again chases its tail.”

― Stewart Stafford

#dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #dark academic aesthetic #books & libraries #darkacademic #chaotic academia #grief journal #grief #poetry #january 2024 #december #january 1 #january 6 #february #year end #happy new year #new year 2024 #new poets society #poem #poems on tumblr #writers and poets #original poem #spilled poetry #poets on tumblr #poets corner

[irhabiya]

there's so much about the way the medical field operates that i hate, from medical school to actual medical practice. so much of it just encourages these passionless, soulless practitioners who never had their hearts set on helping people in the first place and that translates in their work and affects real human lives

#i was having a conversation with my brother (a dentist) about this earlier this year when i was still hesitant about my major #and he pointed something out that i kind of intuitively knew but didn't want to acknowledge #he said that most people who go into medicine or dentistry have no interest in helping people #they're mostly people who graduated with high averages and feel like it would be a waste to pursue something else #it's like they're high achievers clubs basically #or they're people who have a general interest in the field and specifically the sciences being taught but no passion for helping others #those usually end up in academics or research. the amount of people who go into medicine with a genuine interest in providing better care #is very very low #and like i can't speak for other medical schools #but our assessments for sure don't encourage taking this profession as anything more than academic #:/ #🩺

[pieceofpoems]

#poetry #aestheitcs #light academia #love poem #dark academia #literature #vintage #lovequotes #poemsociety #true words #winter quotes #december quotes #end of the year #31st #new year #spilled words #poems and poetry #love quotes #life quotes #dark academic aesthetic #light academic aesthetic #readers of tumblr #romantic academia

[beelzzzebub]

the scary thing is that i don't even need to fail to fail out of school. i just need to do poorly enough that i lose my financial aid and then bam i'm out

school is my thing, it always has been. i've been told it over and over again. i practically don't have anything else. so why do i feel like i just can't do it now

i need more time than i could ever find, to recuperate from some nebulous thing that i can't even identify

i'm disappointing my entire family and doing worse than i ever have before, and i want so desperately to have the gumption to care about what i'm trying to study and learn and to make myself do it, but all i want is for it to stop. i hate that i can't appreciate or find enjoyment in where i am, because i wanted it so bad and because i know that just having this opportunity is a privilege in itself, but i just feel like i'm constantly spiraling and all i really want is a break. i just want a hug and for someone to tell me it's ok

#vent #sorry #it's just #i'm just like #not vibing atm #i wish i could #stop #for a year #and then come back to where i am #i just feel like there's no way out of this #of anything #i don't see myself ending up anywhere really #i can't think past this semester #i can't even think past tonight to tomorrow morning #i'm seriously fucked for tomorrow morning #i'm so behind #i'm doing worse academically than literally anyone else i know #i don't have like friends i can go to #and really everything shitty that keeps happening is my own fault #it's my own irresponsibility and lack of motion and direction and commitment #i'm selfish #and useless #i just don't get where this is going #i don't know where i go now #i don't know how i get anywhere else #i don't know how to get through the next seven hours to tomorrow #i'm sorry #and i'm probably going to delete this #if i post it at all #y'all did not sign up for me being a self involved asshole like this

[miggylol]

It's a real "make sure my queue is set to go for the whole week" sort of week coming up

#just natural end-of-academic-year stuff starting to come at me fast and hot #and they all decided to schedule on this same week to avoid the ACTUAL end weeks #whatever i get through this and then my brain checks OUT!!!!!!