#deal with my lonely hopeless romantic self

[suninyourmoon]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS (2)

🗣 Not professional astrologer! It’s only based on my own experience, people that i know, and self-observation. So please take with grain of salt! :D

Venus in Libra peeps could be those who keep nagging about how they want a relationship so bad. (i know a few people in my life with this placement and they can't stop complaining about how single they are help)

Leo moon are lying to themselves if they say they don't like attention. (perhaps don't realize it yet?)

A lot of Venus in Virgo people that i know at some point in their life will questioning whether they really want a marriage or not. (yeah me too)

Someone said "i can't see myself getting married. I don't know, it seems unrealistic to me" yeah you are Virgo Venus in 12th house retrograde.

I mean, Venus in Virgo itself already make this person picky when it comes to love, and then the confusion and unrealistic idea they had because of the neptune influence. And in retrograde? jeez. i believe they have been in a relationship but then the relationship they had never meet their expentation because this people have a hopeless romantic idea of what romance is.

Venus in Sagittarius / 9th need a lot of freedom. Have a special place for foreigner in ther heart. Love someone who can keep up with their wild energy. Love people who is aware of society problem. Might also into smart people. Probably like to joke around with people close to their heart as well. (or people in general)

Moon in 7th house / Moon in Libra find comfort from being around people.

or they might feel the need to be in a relationship so that they won't feel lonely. Might dealing with co-dependency. (i know it's not your fault but please seek theraphy)

Friend of mine have 7th stellium (5 planet) and i swear to god, the attachment issues they have with is not a joke. They struggle with being on their own and need someone approval in every aspect of their life. Feel like they are incomplete if they're single. Too selfless, too giving. Later in life, people with this placement might have to realize that they should learn to stand on their on feet.

Neptune in 3rd house might having a hard time to communicate what they want to say. They also might say something they don't mean.

Uranus in 3rd house saying something in such a random way. i can't understand you sometimes,,,,,,

Chiron in 2nd house peeps could deal with feeling unworthy and feel unsave. They could feel guilty if they spend money on themselves. My Friend with this placement struggle with fear of end up lacking money all the time.

TW : ED!

i've met a few people with Chiron in 1st house, all of them stuggle with self-image and body dysmorphia, and also struggling with Eating Disorder. :(

END OF WARNING

Those with Jupiter and Saturn together in 8th House will likely to be extremely wealthy. They are hardworking and blessed with money.

They might also are curious about the deeper things in live, spirituality and the theme around 8th house but at the same times fear of the unknown and uncertainty. They might be those people who want to dive deeper into sex (or just have high energy on that) and desire devoted relatonship but hold themselves back and blocking themself from intimate relationship because a deep fear of commitment. It's very frustasing when jupiter and saturn are in the same house.

this is actually synasty thingy but i felt like i need to mention this, DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE 8TH HOUSE SYNASTRY WITH WHEN YOU’RE NOT READY AT ALL🩸👄🩸 i have my experience with someone who my planets fall into their 8th house (stellium), and they are OBSESSES. I help bring their true and darker side of them so now they’re attach on me, it’s sorta my fault for trying to fix them tho that’s why i’m telling you stop messing around with this synastry if you’re not ready.

8th house placement… did astrology became your free therapy because they can validate ur emotion and understand you so damn well? Same👍🏻

Mercury-Saturn aspect, i know it’s a good thing to be careful with ur words but please say something if you really want to say it. You literally limiting ur self sometimes and overthinks a lot

There someone i know said that they don't know how to get mad and have Mars-Saturn aspect. These people (Could be Saturn in 8th house as well) might been told during their childhood that it's wrong let their temper loose so then growing up they feel guilty to express their anger and try to burry those temper.

They also could be those who struggle with supressed sexuality.

idk but my mom have Scorpio Mars and used to make a lot of sexual jokes during my childhood. (please don't do that)

Sagittarius Asc peeps i knew in the first impression look so innocently religious and calm, and they always turns out to be not. Like, literally

Thats it✨ thankyou sm and you can give me a feedback 💥 cheers peeps🫶

#venus in libra #astro notes #venus in virgo #venus in 12th house #venus retrograde #venus in sagittarius #venus in 9th house #moon in 7th house #moon in libra #7th stellium #neptune 3rd house #uranus 3rd house #chiron 2nd house #chiron 1st house #8th house #mercury saturn aspect #mars saturn aspect #saturn in 8th house #mars in 8th house #scorpio mars #sagittarius asc

[tieronecrush]

Hi! I loved water in your hands even though I accidentally read part 2 first 😩, can I please request a little drabble from readers pov when Joel just cut her off and missing work etc when he got married? No worries if not! Just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading :)

well thank you anyways for returning to read part 1!!! and i am so happy that you enjoyed reading!

i’m not sure if you checked out the playlist for the series that i made (spotify / apple music), but liability by lorde made it on there because it is literally what i imagined reader would feel during that time. my hopeless romantic who has never felt chosen </3

liability

drabble for “water in your hands” series

rating: M

word count: 1.2k

summary:

They say, "You're a little much for me / You're a liability / You're a little much for me" / So they pull back, make other plans ' I understand, I'm a liability / Get you wild, make you leave

warnings: angst, insecurity, self doubt, mentions of water/drowning

You didn’t even have any last words from him to mull over. The last thing you’d heard from him was him asking if you were okay as you lay next to him in the middle of that field.

Instead, his silence has sharpened the knife that he’s driven into your heart, his lack of acknowledgment of everything that happened twisting it to carve out a large space for the pain to seep in. And when you’d heard that he was dating someone else, seriously dating, according to Tommy, the knife was pulled clean out and stabbed into your back.

He’d spent one night with you, and somehow that was enough for him to know that he didn’t want you. All of those messages you thought he’d sent now mixed, your recollections of those fleeting, flirty moments poisoned by the knowledge that he didn’t want to be pulled into your storm.

It was the only reason you could think of that maybe drove him away. You knew that you weren’t settled, that you had your own issues to grapple with from everything you’d been through prior to Jackson, but you were secure in yourself. Maybe Joel didn’t want to deal with your shit on top of his own.

You were a little too much for him; a liability to his own healing.

You were on your own at the end of the day, superficial friendships and mere acquaintances belonging in the daylight. The only seemingly real friendship that you’d grown here was with his brother, and the saying goes “blood is thicker than water.”

Returning to a lonely house, yellowy lamplight bathing your space but doing nothing to warm your insides. You spent nights on your own, re-reading your favorite novels from the worn shelves in your cozy living room or spinning a record to dance around and forget for a few minutes. In those times, you were thankful that you were still looking out for yourself, that you still had your own back despite all of the doubt your own mind had grown.

In those solitary hours, all you had were your thoughts, which revolved around him, throwing you into a cyclical whirlpool of heartache. Only when you thought you’d pulled yourself out, had finally felt the heat of the sun on your face above the surface, one single memory of his fingers brushing your thigh or his lips ghosting over yours or a whisper of your name rips you right back into the current.

He left you behind and moved on.

Dating someone else, ignoring you for days that turned into weeks, that’s now become months.

You remember the day you found out that they were engaged.

It happened at the end of your shift, your coworker Tracy popping in to have a nightcap. She was tipsy already, spilling where she had been prior to coming to the bar. There was a party at Tommy and Maria’s, she’d said, a wide drunken smile on her face as she excitedly gossiped.

“They threw Joel and Heather an engagement party! How sweet is that?”

Engagement? Engagement. Engagement.

Engagement led to marriage.

Marriage was meant to be for life.

And Joel never does anything half-assed.

One time, a few weeks after Joel had returned to Jackson, you’d let yourself daydream indulgently. It’d been about him, about what you envisioned a life with him would look like. You’d pictured your own wedding, the closest people to you both the only ones in attendance. In your imagination, you’d seen your brother there, your sister, too.

It was a dream because, even if you ended up with Joel, you never thought he would get married. He was loyal, devoted, committed no matter what jewelry was on your fingers. Those traits were intrinsic to him. You didn’t think something like that mattered to him; he would be a husband, a partner to you without any ceremony.

Clearly, you didn’t know him as well as you thought you did.

Their engagement was fast. You’d heard from Tommy about a month later that the wedding was happening at the weekend. Bile coated your throat, burning acid settling there for the rest of the afternoon that you spent at work. You’d returned home that evening, crawling into bed and crying yourself completely dry and numb.

You didn’t leave that spot for days. Skipped out on work. Ignored the knocks at your door from Tracy, Maria, even Tommy. Limbs felt too heavy to move, bones ached deeply, dull pain sawed at your constricted heart.

Thoughts kept steamrolling each other, your brain was unable to shut them out as you spiraled silently alone.

A toy. A plaything. A little doll.

An achievement to be conquered.

He’d played with you; bantered with you. He was flirty -- suggestive at times. But once you’d given him everything, unveiled your thoughts and feelings to him in hopes of him returning them, even just accepting them, he’d gotten bored. There was no more chase. You’d rolled over like prey, submitting to anything he could have wanted from you.

You were only exciting to seek in the night, ghostly touches in the bar and a chance encounter under the moonlight.

Naive. Childish. Too much.

Delusions of a perfect summer with Joel changing with the leaves and eventually becoming rooted together had blinded you from his true intentions with you.

You were better off on your own, so it seemed the universe was telling you. Losing your siblings, your family, lacking friendships, and now your prospect for love slipped through your fingers in a rush, fleeting efforts made to contain it like water in your hands. No matter what, it would have found cracks to drip through, and eventually drained completely.

He evaded you, leaving you in an unrequited romance. You were in love with him. And now he was married to someone else, in love with someone that he could easily be with no disadvantage or opportunity for embarrassment. There were no means to confess your found feelings, so you lay for hours in your bed while tears soak your pillow and words are branded into your mind.

I’m in love with Joel Miller, and he won’t ever love me.

You repeated it so many times that it sounded like the truth, like gospel, and then, at a certain point, like a foreign language. The words eventually meant nothing in their countless repetitions, the weight of your self-confessional lessening with each second passing. Your limbs felt lighter, bones less sore, and the grip of pain on your heart loosened.

In the next moment, all you could think about was feeling the warm summer air on your face again. Finally, after days isolated, you were going to take a chance to disappear into the sun. You’d pulled yourself out of bed, changing into fresh clothes.

With one glance out of your window, the plans were soured when you saw it was sunset, that you’d have to wait until morning for your walk in the light. You decided to stay up all night to be able to catch the sunrise in the grazing field. To occupy yourself, you milled about your kitchen and living room, doing the small pile of dishes that had accumulated and straightening up the place. The clock on your wall read the early hours of the morning, and with no other chores to do, you turned towards your collection of books.

As you thumb through your shelves to find another novel to escape into for a few hours, the sound of knuckles lightly rapped on your door.

tagging the usual mutuals: @swiftispunk @joelsversion @johnwatsn @midnightswithdearkatytspb @pedrit0-pascalit0 @theelishad @undrthelights @ladamedusoif @ruinedbylanadelrey @thetriumphantpanda @pedgeitopascal @dinsdjrn @thepascalofus @pedgito @soaringcloud @somedayauthor @alloftheimagines @pr0ximamidnight @beskarandblasters @atinylittlepain @scrambledslut @lunapascal

#joel #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x yn #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #tw insecurity #tw self doubt #me #writing #requests

[aconflagrationofmyown]

I know this is probably just my naivety and ‘hopeless romantic’ attitude, but it made me feel sick reading that Elvis in the ‘sarge and lil mama’ fic would cheat, and that she’d know, and it’s just accepted, because, well he’s a man who loves women and sex, but the carelessness, the lack of consideration, even if they are just ‘flings’ I really believe that a person who can do those things, knowing that the person they married and had children with is at home, is not in love with them anymore! If someone can think of their partner before they are about to cheat, and still cheat, I’m sorry but they don’t love them.

My Dear Nonmie, I personally hold to this same opinion most the time and I think you bring up some very valid points. In my universe the period of infidelity is, in the full course of the relationship, a small portion, and it’s motivated by an extension of Elvis’ eagerness to please others to a fault, his guilt and Madonna complex over not thinking he has given his wife everything he promised and her capabilities sometimes making him feel superfluous -his own bruised ego that was only exacerbated by his tanking career and how the female conquests were almost a prop to his self esteem.

Now we could look at all that and make a case for the fact that, yeah, in that window of time, perhaps Elvis was so self absorbed he was no longer actively loving Elaine when he made those choices. But considering his young age when marrying in this fic, the looming resumption of his movie career and its subsequent free fall and the Colonel’s endeavors to paint him in the papers as an eligible man despite his family -he becomes his image at times.

Taking into account his own heartfelt sorrow for such indiscretions as reported by say, Linda Thompson, I think he feels awful about them. Elvis's psyche was fueled by need for physical attention and fulfillment, he wasn’t falling in love path all these women, he was lonely and indulged himself. Eventually, there comes a time of life for them that mirrors the beginning, and as I said, I envision them regaining that old fidelity and obliviousness to others. The man forever was a flirt and a people lover, of both man and women. But I’m my world I’m gonna give us a happy ending, I swear. And not just an ending, we’ll try to explore past just resolution and into the good times.

Now on the other hand, the wife. It’s entirely unfair to a woman, sure, but Elaine already knew who she was marrying and as I’ve written elsewhere, so long as it is not an emotionally involved affair, but truly a case of urges or flirting gone too far, she would rather know it than express such displeasure as to alienate her husband when he comes to her with a confession. It was a different time and certain people, in my opinion, are built better to handle a partner that is essential polyamorous in their emotional need to be beloved by everyone. One woman in history who I’ve thought a lot about when modeling Elaine’s perspective of this is the wife of the Marquis de Lafayette in the 1700’s who was notoriously the love of his life but had to deal with her husband seeking adoration from everyone, and that included having mistresses that made him look good in society. As those women were not inherently awful, she chose to make friends with them, which often switched their loyalties from her husband as their lover to his wife as their friend. I envision the same happing here in say the case of Ann Margaret and Barbra.

Hold onto your romantic and lovely ideals, my darling, I think it’s very important not to settle and to be able to expect such loyalty. I think there are some individuals or perhaps their circumstances that are not built for strict fidelity, and I think Elvis was one of those. I’m personally unsure I could handle that, in which case I would not marry Elvis Presley because and then be regretting what coulda been all my life for turning him down. 🤣 But either way, this is my disjointed appeal regarding “not loving” someone when this happens, I see your point, and I suspect that if anything aligns us it’ll be my fics rather than a treatise like this answer.

Xoxo

Marina

#regarding sarge #notes on fidelity #interaction

[autisticgayngel]

Canonverse Castiel-centric/pining/loving Cas fics

some of these are Dean's POV and a lot are alternating POV, but all of them really delve into Cas's emotions and his love for Dean. All canonverse and all happy endings. Categorised by post-confession, pre-s15 curtain fic and other canon-era. Descending word count within each category. If anyone has any recs for things I should add lmk!

Post-Confession Fics

things happen (they do, they do, and they do) by sobsicles 28k rating E

Everyone has recced this, and for good reason, it's stunning. Cas gets back from the empty and Dean sort of lets him down gently and is very worried about breaking his heart. Despite this Cas is finally able to express to Dean how much he loves him and takes full advantage of this. He's earnest and sweet and so intense about it, but also incredibly hurt about the lack of reciprocation, though he tries to hide it. He does get the love he deserves in the end and it's so good!

closer (isn't close enough) by fleeceframe 18k rating E

Again, Dean's POV, but very much focused on how much Cas loves him. Has the gorgeous Cas line: “When you are hungry, you eat. When you are tired, you rest. When you are dirty, you bathe. But what are you supposed to do with love?”

My unintended by DeanaWinchester, Jeanne_de_Valois 10k rating E

Really good Cas POV, he’s obsessive and insecure but also deeply loving.

my heart a compass by lagaudiere 10k rating T

The empty torments Cas with visions of Dean and of the family he longs to have with Dean. Dean saves him.

I said show me something by ilovehowyouletmefall 7k rating E

Sparked by the debate about whether or not Dean thinks Cas can feel. Cas is hurt by Dean saying he thought he couldn't feel and vulcan mind melds to show him exactly how he feels about him. It's a really interesting exploration of both of their feelings and fears.

Gift by thisisapaige 2k rating G

Very sweet little fic of them trying to work things out once Cas returns from the empty.

Pre-s15 Curtain Fics

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden 95k rating E

Dean tries to retire with his family but finds himself alone as Sam and Jack take a road trip and Cas goes hunting in order to prove he's still useful as a human and to avoid thinking about his feelings for Dean. Really agonising and harrowing at the start as they both feel so rejected and miserable. Cas gets into situations where monsters use his feelings for Dean to attack him. Eventually, they're able to tentatively work out their feelings and settle down together and it's very sweet.

Morning Glory by edgarallanrose 26k rating E

Dean and Cas retire together. Cas becomes a beekeeper and Dean starts to use the honey he makes to bake goods, which they sell at the farmer's market. Cas is very much in love with Dean but it takes Dean a bit longer to work things out.

Other Canon-era

A Winter's Tale by NorthernSparrow 64k rating T

This one hurts a lot, so fair warning for that. Cas falls ill while human and homeless and is hospitalised. Dean finds the journal Cas kept as he struggled to survive in this time. Pre-Destiel but Cas does write a lot about his feelings for Dean. Sam and Dean shower Cas with love and kindess as he recovers. Also a destiel epilogue that is very sweet and fluffy.

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) 57k rating E

Cas confesses his love to Dean post s11 finale but the timing is terrible and Dean is very repressed about it all and breaks Cas's heart. Cas gets an Italian man of letters boyfriend in an attempt to get over it and Dean is insanely jealous (which Cas is oblivious to) but they all have to work together to try to save Sam from the BMOL. Dean eventually gets his shit together and treats Cas the way Cas has learnt to understand he deserves.

That Black Dog Ache by SaltyWords (agent4hire22) 28k rating E

This is very much Dean's POV but I'm putting it here anyway because it has a really intense love confession from Cas, which I'll include an excerpt of that drives me insane:

'“I listen to your music, and I close my eyes. I try to imagine I’m in the Impala, hunting with you. And, sometimes,” his throat jumped, “I lay on your bed. I think about what it would be like if I got to have a place on it beside you... If you ever let me get close enough.”'

Kelp!I Need Somebody by andimeantittosting (Saylee) 27k rating E

A really sweet fic in which Sam, Dean and Cas go to investigate a case on Jesse and Cesar's ranch. Switching POV with really good mutual pining as they tentatively begin to realise the other feels the same.

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous 26k rating E

Set early s4, Cas has to possess Dean temporarily. While doing this, he has to work to hide his feelings from Dean. Cas is already obsessed with Dean and in love with him but is embarrassed by it and struggles to keep Dean from seeing all of this, especially when Dean wants to have sex with someone while Cas is possessing him.

Après by imogenbynight 24k rating E

Set after the angels fall in s8. Cas falls to earth in Paris and realises he's in love with Dean. Dean comes to get him and they find love together in Paris.

desiderium, lost by atlasian 20k rating T

Castiel confesses his love for Dean and Dean tells him to move on. Cas tries, fairly unsuccessfully, before Dean gets it together.

No Other Worthy Quest by MajorEnglishEsquire 15k rating E

Cas just loves Dean very much.

'“For fuck's sake,” his skin is heating. Cas can feel it. “Stop saying lovey-dovey shit.”

“I know,” Cas rolls his eyes. “It’s so mortifying for you when I want to tell you I love you. I’m using all my self-restraint, I promise not to embarrass you.”'

The Arrow by jscribbles 12k rating T

Valentine's day and Cas has been hit by a Cupid's arrow and is literally sick with love for Dean.

and all this devotion by dothraki_shieldmaiden 10k rating M

Dean gets hurt on a hunt and Cas takes care of him in a cabin. Very sweet, delightful Cas POV of him being very much in love.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits 10k rating E

Cas struggles to work out why Dean deems some things meaningful and some things worthless, and where he fits into this apparent dichotomy. Really gorgeous and agonising Cas POV that deals with their constant issue of Dean just wanting Cas to stay and Cas wanting Dean to want him to stay but they're both too afraid to express it.

Breathe by turningthepages 9k rating G

Dean and Cas platonically sleep together to help with Dean's sleep. Cas both likes the situation and longs for it to mean more.

First Date by aeli_kindara 9k rating T

Dean asks Cas on a date and they're both trying very hard to make it all work. The sequel is stunning too.

'Dean says, “We should do that. Go on a date.”

Something in Castiel’s chest fuzzes, like static on a TV, and stops.'

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden 9k rating M

After 15x3 The Rupture, Cas goes back to Rexford. While there, he thinks about how Dean hurt him all those years ago and how he hurt him more recently. Partly a 9x6 Heaven Can Wait fanfic-gap fic.

Let it Linger by OmniscientOranges 8k rating M

Cas starts sleeping with men out of jealousy when watching Dean pick up women at bars. The way the fic describes how in love he is and how hopeless he feels about it is both agonising and very sweet.

He Thought He Was Reckless by MajorEnglishEsquire 8k rating M

Cas plays up injuries so that Dean will coddle him. Self-woobification from the Angel of the Lord and it's so sweet!

Something to Protect by Sass_Master 6k rating G

Cas tries to work out how to make Dean feel less unsafe so that he no longer has to jolt awake. Sweet, tentative intimacy and Cas enjoying it so much.

lonely hearts. by outpastthemoat 5k rating G

Deals with Cas accompanying Sam and Dean on hunts and feeling incredibly lonely and longing to be with Dean. He finds solace in romance novels.

Some People Would Call This Romantic by almaasi 5k rating G

Human Cas goes to the beach and finds it rather overwhelming. Taking a romantic walk with Dean along the beach is also overwhelming.

The Tea is Decaf by mnwood 4k rating T

Really sweet! Cas and Eileen talk and gossip about Sam and Dean in the bunker at night over tea.

A Place to Rest by Inessencedivided 3k rating G

Dean and Cas talk through things after the Stuck in the Middle with You love confession. Cas cries some more.

White Noise by domesticadventures 2k rating G

Cas struggles with feelings of worthlessness in the aftermath of Lucifer's possession.

Receipts by surlybobbies 1k rating G

Cas writes little notes about how much he loves Dean on receipts from meals they share together. Dean finds them.

#fic rec #destiel fic #fanfic #spn #destiel #pining cas #fic

[lifeiszestyy]

*my writing from 2021 from January 1st to December 31st!

*i wrote 800,009 words instead of going to therapy and i did not have the TIME to reread all of it, but i feel as though each of these represent the core of each of my major stories that i wrote this year. i definitely feel accomplished since one of my major hang-ups from the past decade was that i was always too tired from depression and anemia to sit down and write. the downside of writing a lot is, bro, writing for 5+hours a day is not recommended, i don’t recommend it, please take breaks and stretch unlike me. i Have Not exercised since april

*’2021 Drabbles’ and ‘A Thousand Masks’ are part of a Super Mario fanfic project i have with my sister @juliettelime . ‘hmm expl gam’ was a short story where i wanted to explore a scenario i would never put my ocs through in canon. the characters are from the novel i’m planning. ‘lost souls’ is my 670,000+ word self therapy. absolutely self-indulgent and it helped me rediscover my inner hopeless romantic whomst i buried long ago. and ‘love’ is a poem that i wrote as a result of healing from my past relationship trauma

*the first piece of writing is from 1/1/2021 and the last was written today, 12/31/2021 a few hours ago. it’s still a few hours until midnight where i live

*thanks much if you read 🥺💕 onto 2022~!

*transcript under the cut!

2021 Drabbles – 01/01 Brighton January 01

He paced back and forth, a smile on his face. This time, for sure, he’ll get the upper hand on Twila. No more played out draws, no more incidental ties. It had been, what, three thousand or so years since their rivalry started? His chosen players were sure to be the Superstar. Sure, Mario doesn’t always win, but the chances of him winning are pretty high, right? And even if none of his players win (which certainly can’t happen), at least they’ll make the game exciting. They always do! The drama! The pizzazz! The last second bonus star wins! Getting ahead early in the game only to lose it all! Nothing’s better than a party tournament.

Hmm Expl Gam February 25

“Woah, who ordered shrimp?” says Chester from the front seat. He turns around and smirks. “Just kidding. Name’s Chester.” “Oh, so you’re the asshole Jez warned me about.” “I can neither confirm nor deny.” “I can confirm,” says Frey. “So can I,” says Mike as he gets into the car. “Me, too,” says Sven as he also gets in. “Why did James have to ditch me in these trying times?” Chester says with a fake pout.

Lost Souls [1] – 1.06.02.01 5th Dream May 11

“I don’t want you to forget what it feels like to be unloved, to be used, and to be alone.” She suddenly grabs his head with both hands. “Because I’m still there in these memories, and it hurts! I’m so lonely! No one loves me! No one cares!” He shuts his eyes, but the tears fall freely as his heart feels like it’s about to burst. The pain of being used, the pain of being unwanted, and her voice repeating over and over in his mind.

Lost Souls [2] – 1.06.30.04 Entelecheia June 29

Because analyzing your own behavior is a difficult matter. We can only see so much of ourselves. And we tend to be biased towards certain ideas. You thought that I was going to show you a flashback, a memory. No, I do not deal in memories. I deal in reality, in the present. I can only show you how things are rather than how things could be. Entelechy is the realization of potential and a manifestation of the soul. You must do the work in order to manifest your potential, and you do so by understanding your soul. Who are you, Kade? Do you know? Do you want to know the truth?

love August 22

a kiss on your cheek to remind you where you are a kiss on your lips to remind you who you are

a hand on your back to keep you steady a hand on your heart from a lover who sees you

a kiss on the ear from a lover who hears you fingers intertwined with a lover who loves you

Lost Souls [3] – 1.09.24.01 Chirality August 22

I’m tired, tired, tired, tired. “I know. Me, too. But we can’t rest. We have stories to write and new, better people to meet. It’s not time to end things, not yet.” You do not want me. I am a distraction, a roadblock. You always seek to get rid of me as quickly as possible. “But… I need you to remind me of what’s important. There’s no such thing as a life without pain. Come on. We can rest.”

A Thousand Masks – Chapter 44 September 27

“Eh? Laws are just guidelines. They don’t prevent disorder or chaos, and they aren’t morally correct. They were made by flawed beings. I thought you adults knew everything?” “Little one, I also thought adults knew everything. They seem so confident in how they talk about what they know.” “Aren’t you an adult now, Blumi?” Blumiere chuckled softly. “As it turns out, you don’t just magically gain wisdom once you turn a certain age. I still feel like a child sometimes.” “Like right now?” “Yes.” He sighed again and looked at the child. “Sometimes, you sound like an old man.” The child smiled sweetly. “Even though I’m a brat?”

A Thousand Masks – Chapter 46 September 27

The person I was, the person I used to be, he was buried under so many layers of pain, memories upon memories of death and birth and love and hate and vengeance and brief moments of respite under the stars and the moon and the sun. The memory of a boy sitting under a palm tree by the river, crying, having just lost his parents in an accident that he had no control over. The memory of a boy meeting the daughter of the man he was apprenticed to, her, revealing the trajectory of his life through cards. The memory of a boy with a heart full of love and hope for the future he thought was within his grasp. A perfect world full of magic with her by his side, their fingers locked together.

Lost Souls [4] – 1.12.31.01 New Year’s Eve November 28

“Yes, well, that’s the creative process, isn’t it? Your original concepts may not survive the transition to newer, edited versions. Things change, people, concepts, even the great spirits and the deities themselves. It’s what you make of those changes that’s important. Once you find something that makes sense, you can create a more solid foundation. Your earlier versions of your creative realms and the characters that inhabited them were half formed. But that’s not a bad thing. Those are the steps that were necessary to get better, to improve. But you figured out what worked and have built on it little by little. And I’m proud of you. Beyond what you’ve accomplished here in this realm, I’m proud that you found something to hold onto. This year you began a new journey of self-discovery, and now, here at the end, you’ve blossomed into a wonderfully creative person. I’m excited to see where you go from here.”

#zest writing #zest bloggin #sparkle star galaxy

[arianajbb]

FIC RECS - 1

💕 Clueless by @justsomebucky 

Movie AU. Inspired by Clueless - A high society boy and a do-gooder-type girl find love.

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💕 as you wish, ma’am by @aescapisms

SOCIAL MEDIA AU || Bucky Barnes fucks up and sends you the wrong presentation file.

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💕 A Lesson In Love by @buckyywiththegoodhair 

(College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

. 💕 The End Of The War by @redgillan 

Everyone knows you and Steve can’t stand each other, but after he runs into you after one of his fights, he starts to see you in a different light.

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💕 Babies! Assemble by @honeyloverogers 

On a mission involving time travel, as if they haven’t learned at all that it’s dangerous, the Avengers get turned into babies. Including your boyfriend.

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💕 Have You Any Wool by @threeminutesoflife 

Dinner with Ransom doesn’t go as planned.

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💕 Peaches and Plums by @cptnbvcks 

After escaping hydra, Bucky finds a pretty peach vendor to work out his troubled mind with.

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💕 Stitches by @revengingbarnes 

You’re just a clueless new medical student. You’re not equipped to deal with charming, witty, handsome doctors. Especially not ones with pretty blue eyes that make you weak in the knees.

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💕 Saturdays by @sunmoonandbucky 

Bucky Barnes has a new routine.

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💕 Love Made Me Crazy by @sinner-as-saint 

It was all strategic; a plan meticulously constructed by you and your business partner; against James Buchanan Barnes. Not to take him down, no. But just to surpass him in the business world by uncovering his secrets; to learn his ways and hope to be better than him in every way possible. The façade you put up – of being close to him and earning his trust was supposed to be short-lived, most importantly; harmless. But then as always, things got a tad bit more complex when feelings intervened…

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💕  To Be So Lonely by @wlntrsldler 

When Bucky and Y/N signed up for this online pen pal system, they never expected to grow attached to the other person behind the screen. In the pen pal system, they can only unlock the other person’s messages on the 25th of each month. They can write and send off their response as soon as they want but the other person is not able to see it until the 25th.

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💕 eye candy by @angelwidow 

Being Tony Stark’s receptionist was hard. Working alongside the most gorgeous salesman you’d ever seen was even harder. Actually talking to said salesman? Well, that was just insane.

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💕  Strange Times by @beccaanne814 

You have a certain type - smart, charming, and handsome as sin. For years you’ve been in love with the only man you thought possessed all of those traits, but a chance encounter with a Strange individual sends you and a certain ex-assassin on a journey of self-discovery. As you try to find a way back home, will you also be able to uncover the perfect man hidden beneath layers of guilt and self-loathing.

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💕 Stuck Wit U by @slyyywriting 

You and Bucky don’t get along. Your fights have become too destructive so Tony and Steve decide that enough is enough.

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💕 Take Me Higher by @buckychrist 

Who knew that the way into the big broody super soldier’s heart was through his unmet need for a good cuddle?

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💕 x by @mcfreakin-bitch

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💕 x by @thejamesoldier 

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💕 Betrayal by @midnightsunfae 

Bucky catches you flirting with someone at a party and he doesn’t take to it very well.

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💕 two paper airplanes flying by @feliciahardyn 

ransom drysdale will always find you, no matter where you are. always.

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💕 Dear Lover by @feliciahardyn 

you dance with bucky barnes in the obscurity of your room as you recalled the first time you met and how three years later you ended up tangled in each other’s arms. (based on the song “lover” by taylor swift)

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💕 Make You Love Me by @slyyywriting 

You flirt with Bucky every single chance you get.

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💕 The unseen one by @extremelyblackandwhite 

The God of the Underworld falls in love with a mortal.

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💕  Hellfire by @chamomilebottom 

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💕 Promised by @cherienymphe 

when you start waking up with bruises you can’t explain, your nightmares turn into a reality.

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💕  Everything by @trillian-anders 

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💕 tell me you own me by @darthstyles 

mean daddy harry comes out to play

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💕 The Chef’s Strike by @bucky-smiles 

A contract went unfulfilled…

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💕  Bittersweet Temptations by @revengingbarnes 

Y/N Y/L/N loves coffee, always has, which is why she spent all her adult years creating the perfect coffee shop. Cutesy, homey and cozy, it’s the job of her dreams. So what if business has been a little slow lately? It’s her happy place, it would always be. But that was all until the flirty, witty and obnoxious Bucky Barnes opened up a rival coffee shop two blocks down the street. Business and profit are all Bucky cares about. He’s the exact opposite of everything Y/N stands for, and naturally, she can’t stand him. But what happens when Y/N is running the risk of losing her beloved shop and Bucky’s the only one lending her a helping hand?

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💕 The Neighbor by @staymay5 

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💕 came in close by @buckyskorpion 

what could possibly go wrong with a couple of good-natured pranks between sworn enemies?

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💕 (1) New Message by @yikeswtfmate 

One night Wanda and Nat dare Y/N to text her hottest ex. She complies, only to realise it’s not her ex she’s texting and this might be the most attractive man she’s actually laid eyes on.

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💕 Eye For An Eye by @sinner-as-saint 

Battered and bruising, Y/N is out to seek sweet revenge from a man, James Buchanan Barnes, who tore her family apart 10 years ago. Y/N’s plan was simple; infiltrate his life, mess with his head, toy with his heart and leave him broken. Headstrong, she will stop at nothing, not even when it comes down to her being the villain in her own story…

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💕 Under Oath by @ugh-supersoldiers 

The people called for justice, the state answered. The trial of State v. Barnes is set to begin, and the odds are most certainly not in favor of the not so beloved ex Winter Soldier. That’s where you come in, the quick, smart, and all too brave lawyer set on defending and saving one Bucky Barnes from legal prosecution. The only problem? He’s not so sure he’s worth saving at all.

. 💕 Hate To Love You by @revengingbarnes 

While on her death bed, Y/N’s mother has just one wish; her daughter to be married and settled in her life. It’s something her mother has never stopped pestering her about. But up until now, Y/N had managed to not give into her family’s traditions of arranged marriage. And she might have continued to do so if weren’t her mother’s last desire. Unable to refuse her mother’s desperate plea, Y/N agrees to meet the man her parents have chosen for her. There’s just one tiny problem. Her soon-to-be husband is her ex. More tragically, he’s the one ex she never managed to get over.

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💕 Everything by @hootyhoobuckaroo

. 💕 late night devils by @whistlingwillows 

Bucky gets revenge on his ex with you, the girl he never got over no matter how much he thought he did.

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💕 Safe with Me by @bitsandbobsandstuff 

When an unknown threat enters your life, protection is offered at the highest level. As Bucky Barnes comes into your life, the game changes, and you realise falling for the man tasked with keeping you safe is the last thing you expected.    

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💕 Wildest Dreams by @hopesbarnes 

Everyone said he was a bad guy, that he broke hearts. But maybe they were wrong about him.

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💕 Things Bucky says during sex. by @steveodinsonbarnes 

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💕 charming by @venusbarnes 

in which you’re a girl in need of protection, and Bucky’s the perfect man for the job.

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💕 one stroke and you’ve consumed my waking days by @buckthegrump 

Bucky has a pen pal.

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💕 Just One Kiss by @sarahwroteathing 

Bucky Barnes has been chasing after you since he was ten years old, but you’re determined not to give in. How long can you hold out when all he’s asking for is just one kiss? (40′s happy ending AU)

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💕 Come Over by @moonstruckbucky 

You’re new to New York City. Fresh out of post-grad and wanting a change of pace, and this change comes in more ways than one.

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💕 Even In The Darkest Times by @justauthoring 

Bucky x reader where they were together in the forties and when Steve goes back, he sends her into the future so she can be with Bucky while he stays in the past with Peggy.

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💕 Hearts Don’t Lie by @daenyara 

when y/n and her family have to leave Europe to escape the war, finding love in New York is the last thing she expects (and the last thing that interests her). Much to her annoyance, her parents set her up with the one person in all Brooklyn she cannot stand: the charming James Barnes, who’s decided to show her he’s not as bad as she thinks.

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💕 A Bid on Bucky by @samingtonwilson 

You spend thousands of dollars at a bachelor auction for Bucky when you could’ve had him for free this entire time.

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💕 Helpless For You by @sgtjbuccky 

A blind date has lead you and Bucky to the fourth date. Each one proving that you’ve got it bad more than prior and it doesn’t quite matter what will happen - you will keep on falling for that handsome devil and you don’t even mind.

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💕 Lavender by @wkemeup 

Not every nightmare is the same and Bucky doesn’t always wake up as the man you know.

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💕 Fixed by @drawlfoy 

draco has a teasing relationship with the reader–they playfully argue and go back and forth but never acknowledge the fact that there may be something more. draco notices her pulling back and becoming more reserved. he follows her out of the dining hall one day to find her having a breakdown over a dark secret.

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💕 Anytime by @notimetoblog

Bucky is still cautious when it comes to touching people & vice versa. one day after a mission, the avengers are in the quinjet on their way home, Bucky sat down beside the reader & accidentally falling asleep on her & snuggling her. she doesn’t make it a big deal but all the other members are surprised. just fluff involving soft Bucky.

#bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fic #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #fic recs #rec list 1 #fics rec #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fic recs #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fanfic #draco malfoy fanfiction #Draco Malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy fic recs #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #loki x you #loki x reader #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki smut #ransom drysdale #ransom thrombey #ransom drysdale x reader

[georgiaswarr]

georgia warr

never been in love - gatlin

a song about wanting to be in love but not being able to be in love, which is very fitting for georgia’s initial situation. i’ve put this at the beginning of this playlist because - spoiler alert - the last song on here is also called never been in love and i think these two songs symbolise georgia’s journey in a very mint way. also, the first line of this song is “that boy from georgia was so sweet” which i think is pretty funny

somebody to love - queen

the title says it all. georgia wants to find somebody to love. i mean, she’s already found them, but we’ll get to that later.

paradise - coldplay

georgia is a big dreamer and yearner and i think this song really encapsulates that on so many levels. i mean “when she was just a girl / she expected the world / but it flew away from her reach / so she ran away in her sleep” that’s georgia !

tous les garçons et les filles - françoise hardy

french song because i’m ~quirky~ but this song is basically about seeing everyone else be in relationships and feeling lonely/wanting one for yourself

waiting for love - avicii

georgia is a hopeless romantic, but she’s still waiting for her own grand romance (she still hasn’t realised that the “love” she’s “waiting for” has already “come around”)

dear no one - tori kelly

georgia “i want someone to be in love with but there is no one” warr, at least at the beginning of the book

chaos - miki fiki

this song can be interpreted with various themes of the book in mind such as yearning for something you don’t have, feeling lonely, emotional turmoil, etc, it’s a banger

i walk a little faster - fiona apple

highjacked from @kindaorangey’s loveless playlist (they’ve done a great rundown here). this song has similar themes to dear no one, anticipating that romance will come to you, but it hasn’t, despite how hard you chase it, how fast you walk

when - dodie

shoutout to @drarrystar for recommending this song to me because so many of the lines reflect georgia to the core. just look up the lyrics and you’ll agree

deeper - ella eyre

“cause i’m scared, i can’t lie / i don’t feel the same inside / i can’t decide if i have the heart to confess” georgia thinks she can learn to love jason romantically if she just digs a little deeper

loneliness for love - lovelytheband

“anything at all not to feel alone / anything at all just to feel whole / ‘cause i keep mistaking loneliness for love”

a little more - alessia cara

“there you are with your college friends / you played in a marching band / i can't help but wish i knew you then / but i guess i know you now // it looks as if i've stumbled right into the palm of your hand // hey, you / hey, mr. knock on my door / i'm sorry that I've been emotions galore / am i crazy for wanting a little bit more? / a little more of you” georgia about sunil. she needs their guidance and wishes he’d been there for her earlier.

stuck in california - rightfield

a song about feeling alone and alienated by everyone and everything around you, and waiting for your “stars to align”, which fits georgia if you ask me

seven - taylor swift

georgiapip song !!!!!! it’s also about how alienating it can be to grow up and lose your childhood innocence, and i have a lot of thoughts about a very specific brand of growing pains that come with being aspec, but that’s a topic for another day

te amo - rihanna

this is a song about having someone be romantically in love with you and the heartbreak that comes from not being able to reciprocate those feelings --> georgia about jason

love love love - of monsters and men

same as te amo. it hits especially hard when you do love the other person so fucking much

ceiling won’t break - finish ticket

this song gives me georgia’s emotional turmoil vibes, also the line “i see no lights ‘cause the lights weren’t aimed at me” can be interpreted in a “cupid’s arrows didn’t hit georgia” way if you get what i mean

lack of emotion - skott

once again we are dealing with themes of not being able to feel the emotions that you “““““should”““““ feel for someone

let me go - hailee steinfeld

another song about georgia and jason’s (romantic) relationship and how it was doomed to fail from the beginning so she hopes he can let her go

i’m so tired - lauv, troye sivan

i’m just thinking about that line in loveless where georgia resentfully realises how many songs are about romantic love. she’s just so tired

crush culture - conan gray

and another song about being resentful of our romance-obsessed society, which georgia certainly is plenty of times throughout the book

home - ella eyre

christmas break time babey !!!! georgia has reached her low point and she’s going home

i love my car - belle & sebastain

“I pressed a cold hand against my car, which was as far up the drive of our house as it could get. I’d missed my car.” - loveless by alice oseman, celebrating all kinds of love since 2020

i’ve never written a song about a boy - eva westphal

this was actually recommended to me by @michaelholdenn for this playlist ! a song about the liberation that comes with not having to force attraction anymore

this is home - cavetown

i think months ago some ask told alice that this is a loveless song and i agree

why can’t we be friends - jordy searcy

this is about georgia’s strained relationship with pip and jason after the bailey ball and how she wishes they could just be friends again, the way they were all throughout their childhood

chiquitita - abba

okay fuckers THIS is literally the LOVELIEST song about friendship and wanting to be there for your loved ones and i’m sure georgia relates

open up - matt simons

“you’re hard to talk to with that wall around you” vs. “rooney had a solid brick wall round some part of her that nobody was allowed to know.” basically, georgia wants rooney to open up to her

just fucking let me love you - lowen

okay, yes, this song is very gay, but i think it can be applied to georgiarooney too ! the frustration this song expresses of wanting to shake someone and scream at them to just fucking let you love them is definitely shown in loveless when it comes to those two

less than i do - the band camino

georgia about pip. she hopes that pip will forgive her eventually. i mean look at the line “i still have your denim jacket” in the song - georgia still has pip’s jacket too, it’s perfect !!!

friends will be friends - queen

if loveless taught us anything it’s that friends sure fuckin will be friends

stick with me - olly murs

“we all get lonely / trying to find a place where we should be / trying to find someone to set us free / there are times a friend is all you need” you know when alice said that every character in the book feels “loveless” in some way at one point or another, but they all learn the value and importance of platonic love? yeah.

your song - moulin rouge

“and then, with three accompanists, i stood on a boat on the river wear and sang ‘your song’ - the version specifically from moulin rouge - to pip quintana, who didn’t yet know me as well as i wished she did, but despite that, was one of my favourite people i had ever met.”

wherever i live - alessia cara

you know the scene after georgia leaves pip and rooney to their first kiss? yeah, this song really reflects that mindset of half loneliness, half acceptance to me. listen to it.

take time - honest men

accepting your identity takes time ! even by the end of loveless there’s still days when georgia wishes she wasn’t aroace and the book presents this in an amazing and properly nuanced way !

die alone - finneas

"you asked me, ‘do you wanna die alone / or watch it all burn down together?’ / i said i’d rather try to hold on to you forever” this song is very much georgiarooney - finding each other in their darkest of days and watching everything they thought they knew (amatonormativity) burn down. together.

no lover - jetty bones

the next few songs are basically just one aro anthem after the next. this is another recommendation from @michaelholdenn - “maybe i don’t need a lover, i just need the friend”

solo - carly rae jepsen

highjacked from @kindaorangey’s loveless playlist. amazing anthem about how it’s okay to be single and how romantic love isn’t as fulfilling as society makes it out to be anyway

trust my lonely - alessia cara

i think in georgia’s case this song can be interpreted as her learning to finally let go of her pre-conceived notions of what love is and what she should want, her learning to “trust her lonely”, though lonely here just means romance-less

love is a town - josh gilligan

“if [romantic] love is a town then i’m passing through" yeah, romance is not for georgia and she’s starting to accept that.

new romantics - taylor swift

the loveless gang is the new romantics !!! they’re redefining love and romance !!!

team - lorde

“and everyone's competing for a love they won't receive / 'cause what this palace wants is release” anyway, let’s go found family song

wild things - alessia cara

now, i don’t know if alessia cara is queer but I DARE YOU to look at the lyrics of wild things and not tell me that this is the ULTIMATE queer anthem about found family and saying fuck you to respectability politics. i DARE you. anyway, loveless is also about found family and saying fuck you to respectability politics so it’s very fitting

never been in love - will jay

full circle babey !!!!! this is THE aro anthem so obviously i had to add it and comparing the “never been in love / and it’s all good” to the “never been in love / and i fucking hate that i couldn’t make it past a crush” message from the first song we can really reflect georgia’s journey of self-acceptance in loveless which i love a lot

#oof my playlists are loooooong #anyway shoutout to thunder kindaorangey for coming up with the concept of a playlist masterpost ily dude #playlist #osemanverse playlist #long post

[musashi]

Excuse me if some have been asked before and/or are repetitive and feel free to not answer some but anyhow..

What's your favorite kin memory with your loftwing?

Do you selfship with your kintype, an oc/si or with simply your irl self (like kin separated in that regard)?

In regards to the previous one kinda how do view some relationships with your kintypes like if you feel uncomfortable with one character do you avoid the ship with those and vice-versa?

Do you have memories with delia?

What are some of the memories of your kintypes that are the /most/ different from the show/game?

What are some of the posts/vines/etc that you like to quote the most? Or are the most burned in your mind?

How was the whole wing ceremony? And also how were the classes? How were the other students? What things did you do the most with zelda and/or groose?

How is cheeseburger? He radiates happiness and comfort please give him a head kiss from me if he likes those

thank you!!!

What's your favorite kin memory with your loftwing?

haha i never know how to answer “favourite memory” questions cause i don’t think i can ever pick favourites when it comes to anything i’ve experienced.

mmm... meeting him was definitely up there, but i feel like my fave memories with him are just finding some nowhere island and taking a nap in the sun.

Do you selfship with your kintype, an oc/si or with simply your irl self (like kin separated in that regard)?

i can’t really get into self-shipping longterm or in depth because the kin aspect really does just overtake it for me fghdghf. if i try to picture myself, i always just picture my kintype, usually because my kintype/my f/o is usually my OTP in any given series. i only fall for people i already loved ^^; 

In regards to the previous one kinda how do view some relationships with your kintypes like if you feel uncomfortable with one character do you avoid the ship with those and vice-versa?

not really, unless they’re skeevy ships to begin with. part of being kin for me is believing in the multiverse so i’m just like yeah, a universe exists for me to date everyone xD

Do you have memories with delia?

tons :’3 i lived in her restaurant! she was my super cool boss who i absolutely did not have a crush on. 

i was very much married to james, but there was an understanding that i would be a little in love with delia for the rest of my life. she was one of my best friends.

What are some of the memories of your kintypes that are the /most/ different from the show/game?

i’m always pretty canon compliant ngl fdgfdghfd

What are some of the posts/vines/etc that you like to quote the most? Or are the most burned in your mind?

it changes on any given week but i do have an all time fav tag for shit i cant stop saying dghgdj

How was the whole wing ceremony? And also how were the classes? How were the other students? What things did you do the most with zelda and/or groose?

oh this might be long i love talking about skyloft rip. am saving your first question for last.

how were the classes. well. i was asleep. i don’t remember a lot. they were basic stuff you’d expect, language and math and sciences and all the Typical Shit. but then also flying and swordsmanship, which i was Good At. i took an archery class one year but zelda was always better than me lol. skyloftian sign language was required because it was the best way to communicate on birdback but i was mostly mute so my mom taught me it when i was like, 7 and i showed up there and owlan was like “Link what are you doing here” and i just shrugged and signed “easy a” and fell asleep. i am... a good student. 

my relationship with my classmates was that i was just... kind of there? i was well-liked because i have always had this weird charisma, but it was like this. quiet charisma. i didn’t have a lot of close friends, but everyone definitely would respond to my name with some variation of ‘ohhh, LINK! that guy’s cool haha’ my reputation was mostly being zelda’s arm decoration but not her actual boyfriend. i don’t think anyone could actually tell you anything about me besides that i was link with the red bird, and i was quiet and tired and zelda liked me way too much. 

my junior year is when i really became close with all of them, when zelda and i started doing that thing where we tried dating a bunch of people just to date but it didn’t work out because we were in love with each other lol. her mingling with the others meant i mingled too because i couldn’t spend 5 mins away from her. fledge and pipit and i got pretty close, zelda and karane were basically sisters. the thing i always joke abt is the fact that i dated kina, which is hysterical to me to this day. peatrice was always There but acting like she didn’t want to be there. i need you to picture peatrice while we’re all swimming but she’s just, like, on the shore tanning while the remlits bother her. 

that was this summer of just, like, doing idiot teenage boy stuff. getting way too drunk in our rooms at night over break. sneaking onto the roof of the academy to stargaze. getting caught cause cawlin drunkenly tried to fight a chuchu w his fists. you know. normal kid stuff. i also think the others were maybe trying to include me more cause it was the year i lost my parents but i mean it worked, i was a lot happier with people around even if i didnt mind all those years it was just me and zelda.

most of mine and zelda’s friendship was just doing what we’d do alone but together. when we were younger we would explore the more adventurous areas of skyloft and play pretend, a lot of days we’d stay in and read shoulder-to-shoulder. i didn’t like talking but i loved reading, if that makes any sense. we’d take turns reading to each other. as the years progressed we’d go flying together, we’d study together, we’d fall asleep in each other’s rooms and sneak into them when we were frustrated or lonely or just needed to not be alone. i don’t really know, what DIDN’T we do together?? we shared everything ;_; <3

my earliest memories of groose where i wasn’t like “what is this guys deal. why is he so mad.” were. ok so. groose and i should have been friends sooner because he’s super into woodworking and i whittle stupid little sculptures right. ok. except, we live in the sky, and i don’t know if you noticed this, but trees....... well. there are not a lot in the sky. wood is a very scarce resource, and we need it, for like. houses and things. so jakamar gets all of the wood in skyloft because it’s his birthright or whatever, except groose and i find out about this, and we show up at his house twice a week begging for woodscraps, and he slips us some Illegal Fir(tm) beneath the table and as soon as we leave the premises groose tries to kick my ass and take my share. and this happens forever.

i think groose saw me as like, this sworn enemy of his but i was mostly very confused just kind of sitting there like huh. where am i. wait whats he talking about? and then i’d walk away. when i was a kid he was scarier but once we got older he kinda stopped throwing punches, all bark no bite. 

and then we went to the surface and he moved into my house. not even in a polyam way and like at one point he had a wife and was still living with us. i forgot to mention he built the house also. he built our house and would just like, wake us up every morning with the best fucking eggs i’ve ever eaten in my life. groose was just in mine and zelda’s marriage. everyone was fine with this. 

i dont actually remember a lot of what we did after getting to the surface. just that his cooking was amazing and he gave the best hugs and he could pick zelda and i both up and ferry us around on his arms like we were little songbirds. oh and he was always the one who picked me up and carried me to bed when i’d fall asleep at fi’s dais talking to her. i fell asleep there a lot. 

ok. breathes in. 

my wing ceremony is probably my fondest memory ever? probably. the race itself felt like aepon was literally just DRAGGING me thru the clouds its such a blur. groose kept trying to body me but he’s lowkey scared shitless of my bird it did not work. i just remember being like. no time to think time to go time to go time to go OH i won

the ceremony itself felt... like... dreamy? like something from a fairytale, i don’t know. i don’t know how much of it is coloured by the retrospective of what it called to action and foreshadowed. zelda and i had been growing so much closer in the weeks leading up to it, and i don’t know, like, when i fell for her if it was sometime then or the day i met her when i was 6. but at some point everything just kinda got tilted on its side around her and every second i spent with her made me feel like my head was stuffed full of cotton candy. in a fun way.

on skyloft, wing ceremonies have a pretty romantic connotation. not always, but a lot of the girls dream about performing it with the “strongest” knight in their class, and a lot of the knights feel the same. there’s a lot in the history books about hylia’s feelings for her chosen, a lot of speculation about how she stayed close to humanity because she learned to love from him. so to stand in place of the two of them, to a lot of people, carries the same note as standing in the place of two starcrossed lovers, breaching the gap.

zelda was a hopeless romantic, and she told me later she had this whole plan--to wake me up early, to run drills with me until i was a puddle, to perform the ceremony with me, and to use her 5 minutes alone with me to solidify us as something more than best friends. she had this whole fucking move planned where she was going to drape the sailcloth around my shoulders and pull me in for a kiss, and instead she got wicked nervous and screamed half her sentences and pushed me off the statue. this, predictably, only made me more in love with her. i had exactly 0 plans to ever tell her how i felt, because something something childhood friends to lovers, something something mutual pining, something something what if it ruins a good thing something something, valiant hero of courage who.

when we were flying after it, she said she’d remember that day for the rest of her life, and i remember thinking, yeah, that’s what i’m feeling. i’m living, right now, through a precious memory, something i’ll never forget. and everything that happened after that was, uh, the worst time of my life, but somehow it doesn’t. colour the memory a different shade. i still just think, like, this is this last beautiful moment i am having with this girl i love more than anything in the world before we stop just being kids living our normal lives. she is the goddess reborn and i am her chosen hero who’s heart has defied death itself, but right now we are teenagers who don’t know that and are playing pretend as them, as we always have. the joy of that--of pretending to be who we are, the bliss in that ignorance, our beautiful last hurrah. something about it sticks with me. 

How is cheeseburger? He radiates happiness and comfort please give him a head kiss from me if he likes those

DOESN’T HE??? i will. i came home and he was loafing and i started crying because he looked so sleepy.

#kin ramblings #Anonymous #wendy answers

[eternalpisces]

Thoughts on a person who has sun conjunct venus, venus conjunct neptune and venus sextile mars ?

Hi 💞 Sorry for the late response, I haven’t been feeling good these past two days. Here are my thoughts on this person:

Sun Conjunct Venus: They’re very charismatic and fun to be around. They can make anyone smile and laugh, and forget about their worries. A lot of people love that about them. Because of this ability, they may attract a lot of friends and lovers throughout their lives. Like the sun being the center of the solar system and providing the light and heat we, as well as other living species need to survive and prosper on Earth, this person often provides everything their friends, family members, and romantic partners want and need to feel loved and valued in their relationships. There’s not a thing they wouldn’t do for the people they love. They’re always willing to spread all their love like the sun spreads its rays ☀️

Venus Conjunct Neptune: Dreamy, artistic, idealistic, and quite the hopeless romantic, are words that come to mind when I think of this placement. They tend to fall in love with sensitive, emotional, and misunderstood people. This can also include lone wolves and artistic, dramatic people. They’re prone to idealizing their partners and putting them on a pedestal, which can cause more harm than good. It’s important for them to take their time getting to know potential partners before starting a relationship. In addition to this, they may love daydreaming, listening to different types of music, and doing creative activities like writing poetry, painting, dancing, or playing a musical instrument. They’re usually very talented at some form of art and likely to be admired because of their amazing talent and incredible imagination.

Venus Sextile Mars: They’re naturally very magnetic, vivacious, and attractive. It doesn’t take long for them to find friends and romantic partners. They easily attract friendships and romantic relationships without much effort. People love their energy and enthusiasm, as well as their positive attitude towards life. Their confidence and self-love is also admired by a lot of people they meet. They get along with everyone and rarely feel jealous nor inadequate because they have such a great deal of healthy self-esteem. In love, they are a very passionate, affectionate, and caring partner. Their love languages may be physical touch and receiving gifts. In their friendships and relationships with family members, they are also very loving and protective. Overall, they’re a very sweet, friendly, and kind person.

I hope this was accurate and helped you understand this person even more 💕💕

[birriabirria]

idolatry: brokat idol & manager, halkat fan & idol au

PLEASE HEAD THE WARNINGS! CW: underage, obsession, gaslighting, grooming, emotional & sexual abuse, drug abuse, victim blaming, murder

note: this is fucking LONG as in so long, that there’s worldbuilding before i get to the halkat part addition: IT’S 9.2K WORDS???

okay so karkat is young and insecure so of course he’d look up to mr strider! mr strider picked *him* rather than another audtionee see? mr strider saw something special in him and karkat will never let him down. and bro cares for karkat. why wouldn’t he? the one that he took from the rubble and polished to a shine, his own starlight

(and if i go with the troll & human society thing, karkat only has his lusus so… bro is basically the only adult in karkat’s life that he trusts so it’s basically stacked against karkat from the start)

and fuck, karkat would be such an anxious mess. he’s always thinking about the label’s expectations, his standards for himself and mr strider expectation. they’re all balled up in his chest and karkat can’t deal with it

and bro’s there to comfort him, of course he is. oh, starlight, working so hard for me. you’re so good, so precious. come here and i’ll make you feel better. bro’s just comforting his ward, what’s wrong with that? where’s the harm in that? and karkat feels so enamored with bro and is such a hopeless romantic that he might actually take everything happening as bro wanting him back. karkat is young and misguided so… bro’s not hurting him physically so why would he think that bro is hurting him? friend: Karkat passing out at from exhaustion friend: And bro just keeps pushing and pushing. bro smoothly backtracks and tells him that oh, you look so tired and sick, come lie down with me. i’ll take care of you, haven’t i alway taken good care of you? bro is a perfectionist and karkat is one of the people who can actually somewhat reach his standards and well, bro can’t let him go can he? friend: Bro does little things that get Karkat to physically react. friend: So if anything happens or if there’s tension he blames or makes Karkat feel like it’s his fault friend: If something is wrong it’s Karkat’s doing bro is always there to reassure him that it isn’t. did you really believe me when i said that it was your fault? it was just some coaching. come on now, don’t cry. i would never be mad at you. you work so hard and karkat can’t run to someone else! can’t find solace in someone else because bro has kept him away from other people and encouraged his rudeness. oh starlight, you can’t trust them. they’re just trying to confuse so you’d fail. why wouldn’t karkat believe him? mr strider isn’t gonna lie to him!! karkat grows up under bro’s thumb and that’s a fingerprint he can never erase. karkat is bro’s in a way no one has ever been. not even dave friend: Karkat does blow up though. He’s so successful, and that’s a testament to why he should trust Bro. friend: In interviews Karkat is always so grateful to Mr.Strider and people think it’s really cute at first and bro talks about karkat so warmly too. but never calls him by his name… friend: But there’s a couple articles that come out about Karkat’s regiment or about he ended up hospitalized due to exertion which Bro spins as Karkat having a minor health condition but friend: In reality it’s him. friend: And Karkat believes that he actually has a condition lmao? friend: He is blinded by bro so much he doesn’t realize it’s just him getting overworked and overwhelmed and bro would help him to get better and be so doting during it but it’s really such a cycle friend: drugging karkat friend: Under the guise of medicating his condition because sometimes karkat being a perfectionist works a bit too well and he’d want to practice even when sick? and course bro keeps karkat in his mansion to recuperate and not his apartment the whole time… bro finally goes fuck it and goes down on karkat… friend: Drugged up Karkat not understanding what his body is feeling and just grasping at bro because he always makes things better friend: Bro definitely frames it as doing it for Karkat because Karkat begged karkat is so tired and sleepy and bro is so warm and caring… they’re finally alone and karkat is finally getting that care and validation from bro that he has wanted so badly. karkat’s mind is fuzzy and he’s clingy and he’s so so so in love with bro that bro… just goes for it really.  bro can sense weakness and he knows with that certainty that karkat is weak for him. karkat already wants him so why not… give him what he wants. never let it be said that bro isn’t gracious. it is SO BAD that karkat is stuck in a house all alone with bro!!! and i like to think that bro starts with innocent-seeming touches at first. mussing up karkat’s hair, a hand on karkat’s shoulder, holding his hand and sitting down next to him with an arm around karkat and it progresses. a touch on karkat’s face, a hand on karkat’s knee, leaning down and way too close. when bro kisses karkat on the forehead for the first time, karkat just lights up and bro actually does feel warm. but of course it doesn’t end there… and maybe bro isolating karkat has another reason for it. karkat is his so bro will never let anyone else get close enough to take him away. bro’s affection for karkat is part actual fondness, part looking out for an investment, part this dark possessiveness and part he’s my toy, no one else can have him and augh karkat is in such a huge mess!!!! friend: Mmmm a fan going overboard and stalking or trying to hurt Karkat and bro is there to the rescue friend: Which only fuels Karkat’s infatuation friend: Even though the fan was probably not that different to bro the only real difference between the fan and bro is that bro is in a position of power over karkat… the fan thinks karkat is small and cute and so helpless and that they’d take much better care of him than his manager of label!!! and sometimes… that’s how bro thinks of karkat too.  yeah, bro pushes karkat but in those rare quiet moments, he does want to take care of karkat. and i guess bro is kinda stuck between pushing karkat even more and wanting to take care of him? back to drugged karkat… he’s sleepy and maybe even cries? and bro wipes away his ears and shushes him but his hands move lower and lower. he pushes the comforter aside and he unties karkat’s sweatpants and karkat doesn’t quite know what is going on. bro has his big, warm hands on karkat’s thighs and before karkat knows it, there’s fingers in then a mouth on his nook. karkat’s toes curl and he’s just making noises. oooooooh non-con somno!!!! karkat is already pretty sleepy so it doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep and bro is either already fucking him or desperately wants too… and doesn’t care? or is too far gone in chasing his pleasure that he goes through with it keeps going and when he finally finishes he picks karkat up and puts him in another bed and karkat is all confused that he’s in another room but bro brushes away the question. bro taking karkat through all the beds in the house because it keeps happening…  bro taking karkat through all the beds in the house because it keeps happening… bro has to give karkat a sponge bath and he’s just itching to be all over karkat the whole time…  aaaaaaa bro being on the last thread of his self control when karkat gets sick from overworking and now he has karkat all to himself in an empty house. and before bro has thought of it but he pushed it aside? because training karkat was more important but with how needier and starving for affection karkat becomes, bro keeps thinking more and more about it? and the last thread of bro’s control snaps when karkat is sick and all alone with him.  like… bro groomed karkat to completely depend on him, you should only listen to me because i’m the only one who wants you to succeed then it’s are you feeling stressed? come lie with me, i’ll make you feel better then you shouldn’t believe what people say, i’m the only who truly cares about you? like… bro doesn’t think about bad touching karkat at first and when he thinks about it once, he brushes it aside but it slowly eats away at him until he finally does it? and there’s how bro thinks too? is he doing this to chase his pleasure or is he doing this chasing karkat’s pleasure? that obsessive fan not that different to bro is so fascinating! karkat as one of the very few people to wring out gentleness from bro but it ends terribly for him is [chef’s kiss] like… bro pushes karkat very hard but it’s tough love! he doesn’t mean to hurt him! he knows and believes that karkat can be the best so he just needs a little push! and oh shit, karkat’s sick from overwork and of course bro will take such good care of him. and see, karkat wants him and he is so needy and lonely and desperate for any scrap of affection that of course bro has to comfort him, he can’t leave karkat to cry! “he wanted me but i couldn’t break his heart by refusing him” is so fucking victim blaming that i’m just [chef’s kiss] the dichotomy of karkat as one of the people bro is gentle too while bringing out bro’s darker impulses… friend: Karkat never sees bro in a bad light friend: If there’s any tension or if he feels there’s something immoral happening, he always thinks it’s his own doing friend: Karkat thinks he’s the poison in Bro’s character because he thinks that he’s young and stupid and asking too much! to karkat, bro has never given him a reason to see him in a bad light. he’s so sweet! he’s so sweet! and karkat sees that he’s not like that with other people. a mr strider hates so many people but not me! thing friend: And bro does try that restraint at first friend: Even when Karkat is super exhausted, maybe a little drunk from an award ceremony (doesn’t mix well with his meds) and Karkat is crawling onto bro’s lap bro’s just sweating. he shouldn’t entertain the thought but he can’t push karkat away either… friend: I could see him at 21, the peak of his career but in arrested development because bro doesn’t really let him grow up, he keeps him so sheltered. And totally, bro doesn’t do anything but he does just let Karkat do whatever he wants in that state which might be Karkat just dry humping bro’s thigh through their tuxedoes or something. ooooh bro ushering karkat away from everyone else and while he doesn’t do anything, he is holding him and shushing him… friend: maybe he did kids shows before he debuted in music? friend: Music debut would be a little later when his voice changed friend: That’s when bro picks him up? Before Karkat was like a supporting character type of actor? friend:So maybe bro has subconsciously had his eye on Karkat for a while friend: By the time he makes his claim as his manager ooooooh maybe bro finds karkat because dave or rose watch the show he’s on? friend: They still audition, Karkat does get chosen but maybe when he steps into the room or bro is doing rounds to see who is trying to become an idol he recognizes Karkat from his small acting roles friend: Maybe because Rose and Dave do like the obscure shitty tween shows Karkat was on friend: Bro sees him and he’s like,,, oh he’s a diamond in the rough and karkat has always been an overachiever so while he’s grateful for whatever break he has, he’s not… very into those roles so of course when there’s an audition, he goes to it and maybe it’s not even the first audition he went to! and some people and in whatever shows karkat was in, they might’ve not taken him seriously so he’s feeling very dejected but still wants to try!

aaaaaaaa bro’s one of the people who’s taken him seriously! because a lot of people just consider him as some overly serious and overly ambitious kid! bro does actually like his seriousness and ambition! and i’m thinking about how if this a troll & human society and karkat isn’t thought of very nicely, being an idol is one of the things he can do? but unfortunately it leaves him very open to dehumanization and objectification. and some humans treat idols pretty terribly already so how do trolls treat their idols? and that difference might be another reason why karkat is left open for bro to abuse hm… i guess that depends on what “image” is popular for trolls? because karkat’s language might be the norm or even on the not that bad for trolls…  like… karkat’s image could either be this “helpless mutant blood who sings about finding true love!” or “tough mutantblood who doesn’t need anyone but will soften up for the right person”. and when karkat is young it can “a mutantblood trying to find his way in the world!” and when he gets older its a hopeless romantic or rebellious teenager image but “mutantblood” is never too far and i think karkat being pop punk (a la avril lavigne?) when young would appeal to kids and teens, humans or trolls. or he’s seen as more “indie” because he’s not that popular? and… maybe because karkat acts very himself with yelling and swearing, that’s also another reason why he’s popular with the humans? some humans would be scandalizes by it but that image does sell very well! friend: Both friend: Older he’s seen as more indie friend: When he’s younger he seen as that pop punk troll and… while bro does coach karkat in how to act and what to say, the image that bro makes for karkat is as close to his self as possible to avoid discrepancies? and because so karkat doesn’t have to act so hard and for so long. and well, if people feel that karkat’s more “real”, they might like that more! karkat’s image as a teen as this rebellious pop punk singer when he doesn’t think of being disobedient to bro even once is rather sad irony imagine the documentary about karkat’s sudden rise to fame! karkat is too loud and too insistent and he seems so uncomfortable and his arms are crossed and he’s curled a little into himself and bro is always hovering nearby… and the editor of course tried their best but it still feels like something’s not right? and even oppressive… and there’s several montages of karkat in dance practice and the interviewer asks isn’t this the [x amount of] times you’ve been sick? and when the cameraperson tries to be there at house that karkat recuperates in, bro’s smoothly says that this is the only place karkat can have complete privacy so you can’t go there and the camera crew can only go there when they’re invited but only into the living room friend: bro is actually very good at protecting Karkat from the media friend: Which comes in handy later when he really doesn’t want what’s happening to be caught friend: But that editor does sell that footage ? friend: So there’s like gossip on television and online about how awful things are for Karkat? of course. being a celebrity brings him under the scrutiny of the tabloids and on the walls of the living room are photographs and articles of karkat and on the dresser against are all the awards karkat has won and bro tells the camera crew that he’s the one that cut them out and framed them. it’s obvious that bro is very proud of karkat and karkat actually smiles at that. and it’s cute that bro did that for karkat’s photos and articles but it’s also… rather obsessive and this house that bro keeps karkat in when he recuperates it filled to the brim of proof of karkat’s fame and success so when karkat’s awake and lucid enough to look around, he’s always reminded of how much he owes bro. there’s posters of himself on the walls, photobooks and tapes of his performances and concerts on the shelves… yeah, bro drugging karkat is really fucking bad but if karkat was awake and lucid, the house is fucking nauseating to stay in. the whole house is basically a fucking stalker’s dollhouse! friend: Ohhhh maybe there’s some more like…intimate or personal shots in Bro’s office which Karkat hasn’t gone into lucid in a long timeeeee friend: If he did he might question when bro managed to get them? if karkat is ever in there… like… does karkat never go there because he doesn’t dare go into bro’s space? considers it something huge and possibly even sacred friend: Karkat doesn’t go into the office because that’s just…not his? All meetings or business things are held in the studio friend: The office is just for whatever bro does. He’s been in a couple times early in the career but not in recent times and bro told him once to not go there uninvited so of course karkat doesn’t barge in. karkat is so obedient when it comes to bro in a freaky amount friend: Apart from the studio it’s the only place that’s both sound proof and has been swept for cameras. friend: Karkat is essentially never allowed to speak to his doctor alone friend: When he does, the doctor suggests getting him off the medication (doesn’t seem to be helping with what is actually just exhaustion) but bro quickly makes him switch doctors. …bro as the source of karkat’s future dug addiction. friend: sending him to rehab but also being the reason for his relapse? friend: Or not letting him go to actual rehab friend: There’s too much talking and therapy they would realize bro’s role in an instant friend: Karkat is 16-17 and already an addict. and bro is also karkat’s dealer so that’s yet another way he fucks karkat up. and if bro sends karkat to rehab it’s to a place he’s secretly poured money in so karkat doesn’t get too far.  and when bro withholds the drugs from karkat and karkat begs him for some and bro refuses at first but gives in when karkat’s starts crying and bro’s darker impulses rear it’s ugly head and he makes karkat beg for it in… several ways. bro fucks karkat as karkat pleads and begs and cries for the drugs. friend: And he definitely fucks him through his high friend: Karkat is hardly conscious while bro is just shushing him and telling him i’m here, i’m here. and it starts all over again. whatever karkat remembers is that he felt so good. friend: It’s not until he’s alone maybe in the bath or while bro is at work that Karkat realizes how bruised and sore he is. He can barely walk. for karkat, the night is just this hazy euphoric and orgasmic blur and! karkat never ever thinks of going to someone else for drugs because he can’t stand the thought of bro being disappointed and angry at him. he’s ashamed because he thinks there was some way that he could have avoided having a drug addiction. like… karkat once again thinks that this is his fault, not realizing the hand bro had in it. for karkat, everything is always his fault and never mr strider’s and… somedays, bro actually does feel guilty for ruining karkat and it’s so much guilt that bro can’t look at karkat but some days… bro feels this dark, smug satisfaction for ruining karkat and it’s inescapable. maybe be as the years go by, that dark, smug satisfaction wins more and more …ohohohoholy shit what if the obsessive fan is hal or dirk or…both?  he gets curious about karkat when karkat debuts but what kicks off his obsession is when karkat is there at a family gathering and hal manages to talk to him… because karkat’s guard is somewhat down around the strider-lalonde family. because yeah, karkat has several obsessive fans but hal and/or dirk are the only ones who can get close to him! friend: I love love love the idea that it’s hal. friend: Hal being like a closeted fan which feeds the obsession friend: It allows him access that would otherwise be denied to him by bro. holed in up in his room, searching for more pictures of karkat he can save into his hard drive because since bro has a very tight control of karkat, his family is one of the people karkat can really see you know? when and where he sees them is still controlled but bro doesn’t mind him seeing them that much? karkat is on his best behavior so they like him and they think he’s cute friend: None of them have ever expressed much interest in bro’s job or Karkat and they’re not super close so he thinks it’s fine friend: Little does he know Hal has a collection that would rival bro’s also. bro is karkat’s producer too? hal asks karkat to go with him and karkat hesitates but goes with him because he doesn’t have a reason to not trust him when hal finally manages to gets a small smile from karkat… he’s done, his obsession is cemented. oooooh, hal building a fansite for karkat? and he’s always on top of any news about karkat so when karkat gets sick, hal is ready to give him/post a well wishing message on his fansite. whenever karkat goes to meet the any of the strilondes and hal is there, hal has a secret camera to take candid photos of him and he keeps them to himself because if he doesn’t and posts them on the fansite, bro will know friend: Yesssssss there has to be a slip up eventually!!!! friend: The fan gifts friend: That somehow always get to Karkat! because hal always knows where he is! if the “an obsessive fan tries to hurt karkat” incident happens, hal will read about it and he finds the person to take “revenge” and there’s even a rant about the incident in the fansite if the fansite is already up. it could even be one of the first posts in it! friend: Mmm does stuff go missing? friend: Like hal taking karkat souvenirs maybe small things? because hal has to hide them and they have to fit in his pocket or bag. hal taking the spoon or fork karkat had been using… the tissue he wiped his lips on…  when hal gets the seat next to karkat, he’s so giddy on the inside hal thinks about asking karkat for his autograph but doesn’t do it because so many people have karkat’s autograph, if he does that he’s not getting something special. maybe hal takes a picture of karkat when karkat’s all sleepy? or karkat taking a nap! or one of the shirts that karkat put aside because he’s changing? hal being too close to karkat and bro catches him kjkjgkkjgg bro is torn between being cold to hal and shrugging it off because people do come too close to karkat when they have the chance. and if bro’s… relationship with karkat hasn’t started yet, he might just shrug it off! i think that bro gets super possessive of karkat and that’s when he starts to restrict him from seeing people karkat’s of course send him fan gifts and some somehow always get to karkat, when a gift reaches the houses where karkat recuperates, bro is furious. this is a no-go zone for the media and it’s a no-go zone for the fans too. hal unknowingly pisses off bro! and bro doesn’t want to leave this precious little dollhouse but he might. he of course puts the gifts in trash. the other gifts (the ones given to karkat during meet & greets and sent to him) are kept in karkat’s hive because bro will never allow it in the dollhouse. they’re a proof of karkat’s fame and bro knows that very well but he doesn’t want them. at all and after bro’s… relationship with karkat starts, he hates it when other people get to close to him and even touch him. because maybe… bro thinks that karkat being touched by someone else makes him dirty and “disgusting”. bro’s darker impulses eventually consuming him… and maybe he either forces karkat to retire or…kills him because bro does give in to his darker impulses so… does it eventually consume him and if it does, how does it end? because it would be such bad luck for karkat when bro does something bad and hal manages to save him but it’s just karkat turning to another obsessed lover. and… depending on how deep the conditioning is, karkat might actually understand that he has to die and there’s the extra layer of grossness when bro tries to kill karkat when he’s still young friend: Okay I want like a really botched attempt and maybe someone catches on in time? because depending on where they are, someone actually will friend: Bro for some unknown reason just fails to kill him. It is weird because he should be good at it but maybe hal inadvertently messes the plan up friend: Karkat is in the hospital friend: Its a media frenzy because if it’s in the dollhouse, no one can catch them there. but if it’s in karkat’s hive or bro’s office at the label hq… or maybe even a hotel… someone will definitely catch them friend: Okay hal going from obsessed fan to maybe genuine love and detective work??? like… hal slowly finding out who karkat really is and instead of being turned off, he begins to like him friend: Maybe he isn’t who hal thought he’s a little different from his public persona and what was the obsessive want to keep karkat becomes this sincere worry in making sure he’s safe friend: Hal learns to see karkat in a way that isn’t just selfishly trying to collect him …which is in a stark contrast to bro who selfishly wants to collect him even more friend: bro goes in the opposite direction friend: He’s less concerned with Karkat’s wellbeing and more with his own access and keeping karkat’s undivided attention friend: Maybe that’s around the time he has karkat diagnosed to drug him friend: Hal doing medical research because it doesn’t make sense friend: Karkat is under strict rules to now show his meds to anyone friend: But hal finds them on accident or while just generally still snooping through karkst’s stuff friend: And he’s like this doesn’t look right ooooh how does hal manage to get close enough to do that? does he become part of the touring band? and adding the “bro tries to kill karkat when karkat is still young”, bro does it because he doesn’t want karkat to get closer to someone else? like… yes, he should try to kill him now because the conditioning is still so ingrained in him. and if karkat dies, he won’t grow old and grow distant to realize what happened to him. gotta keep him pure" thinking but being “pure” means dependent on bro friend: Death as preservation friend: Maybe hal gets close by being their sound guy on tour friend: He’s the only one with the patience to handle bro’s instructions ah, and bro would be even harder on him because he’s family. there’s no nepotism here! also. is hal such a closeted fan that he didn’t talk to roxy about it? because i think that hal does talk to roxy about it and that helps lessen the obsession a bit because roxy will catch it and call him out on it (friend: Bro for some unknown reason just fails to kill him. It is weird because he should be good at it but maybe hal inadvertently messes the plan up) what if bro fails at doing it because he just… couldn’t. if we go with “doting” bro, he has never hurt karkat before so hurting karkat now and even trying to kill him… to him, it’s the first time he’s hurt karkat and he promised that he wouldn’t but he is doing it and oh fuck, why did he do that and maybe that’s how bro gets even more obsessed with karkat because hurting karkat made something snap inside him? and while bro isn’t gonna try to kill karkat again, a part of his increased obsessiveness is remorse and trying to mend it? it would be even MORE fucked up if bro didn’t think the grooming, the relationship and the drugging wasn’t harm. yes, karkat gets bruises after bro fuck but that’s just part of sex! no, it’s harm, intentional physical harm that bro considers as bad.  a… “it’s JUST emotional and psychological abuse” kinda thing? so when it the abuse crosses over into physical abuse, that’s finally when bro realizes that something has gone deeply wrong but unfortunately, it doesn’t lessen his obsession friend: Right. Karkat comes down with a fever due to how intense sex was. Like maybe bro as gentle as he can be isn’t great with the aftercare or maybe later on just flat out doesn’t do it and then what? like… bro learns to do better/actually do aftercare? friend: Mmmmmm yes friend: BUT maybe it’s late friend: And hal has kind of been doing that friend: Which is making the bond between karkat and hal grow friend: And there is dissonance when bro starts to do it and karkst is confused? friend: Because he sees that time and care as something he shares with hal? and of course karkat doesn’t think that there’s anything wrong with bro not caring for him, hasn’t mr strider cared for him enough? friend: Right! To karkat everyone has their role and his is to always listen to bro, be subservient to bro oooooh, you know… that implies that karkat and hal have fucked and hm… how did karkat keep that a secret from bro? friend: See i was thinking about that friend: because I feel like hal wouldn’t at first friend: He can’t cross that line it ruins the image he has of his idol ….WAIT what if karkat confesses to bro about it because the guilt was too much and that’s the catalyst of bro trying to kill karkat? karkat is now “dirty” friend: Yessssss okay I was thinking that when hal finds out that karkat has had sex maybe doesn’t know it is with bro friend: But the thought of being able to see karkat like that and sharing that intimacy pushes hal to pursue it and he is so different to bro friend: Karkat can’t help but give in just some person that the label decided to keep a secret because karkat? dating? no friend: I was thinking karkat let’s it slip but knows not to be specific friend: He accidentally tells hal in confidence friend: So only hal knows i guess since hal is the sound guy on tour, that means that they’re in their early twenties so… hal might not realize that it’s weird at first? because if karkat was gonna date, it should be someone close to him friend: I’m still thinking of the time when hal was a closeted stan like… yeah, karkat would sleep with bro because not only are they in the same industry, they’re under the same label and the label wouldn’t protest if it’s bro because bro wouldn’t go public with it. and hal thinks that they’ve slept together only recently so… i think that if hal was still a closeted stan, he’d think that’s not weird at all? like sure, his idol is sleeping with someone but it’s not some rando! i think that maybe hal starts to realize that something is off when he starts to grow out of being a stan? he finally realizes that hey, dating someone you’re managing and produced for is kinda weird? and it finally clicks for him when karkat says something about when the relationship started? like… maybe hal notices the difference between before karkat gets sick and after he recovers? and maybe… karkat doesn’t tell hal that he’s sleeping with bro but hal pieced it together because who else can get close enough to him during all this time? because even if hal is the sound guy during tour, i don’t think bro would let karkat talk to him past 2 minutes. because of course hal became the tour sound guy to be close to karkat but he never gets the chance to because karkat doesn’t stay that long so hal is upset about it and he starts noticing that karkat can’t stay because bro rushes him and when he does, bro is always around… making hal genuinely like karkat is such a good idea! because i thought of the possible parallel of seeing karkat smile was what cemented hal’s obsession with and seeing karkat smile made hal truly fall for him friend: Hal starting to question bro’s presence and motives friend: He gets fired from doing sound maybe? and that cements hal’s suspicion? friend: Yes and hal genuinely wanting karkat to be happy and safe vs bro wanting karkat to be happy and safe as another reason for his obsession and to assuage his guilt. so hal tries to investigate what’s happening without the access he had before. i think jane and roxy would be helpful! friend: Bro wants karkat’s safety as a side effect rather than an integral part of his happiness friend: Yesssss friend: Roxy would be all over this friend: She’s not allowed to get close from the get go because she’s an open fan of karkat friend: Or…. bro doesn’t have a whole lot of say because Roxy also works in the industry? ooooh, is she a dj? friend: yes friend: YES friend: They do a collaboration and possibly produced for karkat before? friend: It’s high demand they have good chemistry friend: They have to go on tour together friend: Bro hates it was just gonna say! bro isn’t pleased but it’s label enforced friend: And Roxy takes this as a rare opportunity to help investigate because if roxy went to the same events that karkat should have gone to, they noticed that karkat isn’t there. and that’s weird in their industry. karkat is only at events that bro can’t weasel out of. and maybe… roxy manages to strike up a camaraderie with karkat and of course bro hates that too. and i think roxy notices something weird too bro can’t fuck karkat when karkat’s busy and on tour but bro is desperate to so he pushes karkat even harder so he’d gets sick from overwork again and bro can steal him away back to the dollhouse. and karkat is desperate for bro too and bro wants nothing more than to give in but they can’t because someone might notice karkat begging bro to fuck him and clambering onto his lap and grinding against him and bro can only finger him khgkjkgkgkgk. bro learns to bring a gag with him so he can keep karkat quiet!!! karkat being 16 and bro has him ride him… digs his fingers into karkat’s skin and bounces him on his lap kghkkhgkgkg. bro and karkat in the dollhouse is the time when bro can fuck karkat as much as he wants so bro is anticipating when karkat gets sick. i’m sorry that got horny so fast thinking about hal fucking karkat and it’s when he’s still an obsessed fan but he’s so gentle! because that’s what his precious, wonderful idol deserves. which is yet another contrast to bro because while hal is still obsessed with karkat, he’s worshipful of him. wants to make karkat happy and is slow and gentle while bro uses wanting to make karkat happy as a reason to satisfy himself hal’s obsession with karkat is unhealthy but it manifests differently from bro’s back to karkat telling bro he slept with someone… karkat feels so fucking guilty about it. he’s only been fucked bro and bro’s only been fucking him so karkat thinks that he’s betrayed bro but the thing is, he doesn’t tell bro the person’s name. because karkat is taking all the blame. he lost control of himself and he seduced that person and karkat begs for bro’s forgiveness. bro is stone-faced but karkat knows that he’s furious. bro finally gets close and his voice is low when he says I look away for a second and you let someone else fuck you. Was I bad that you had to turn to someone else? But I’ve always known you were a slut and he asks questions, did you beg him to fuck you? were you fucking gagging for his dick? did he fuck you better than I did? and karkat is just crying and he doesn’t want to answer those questions but bro makes him. through sobs, karkat does n-no, he didn’t fuck me better than you do. no one fucks me better than you do. I love you, I love your dick, I love it when you fuck me friend: Okay does he believe that though??? he might if the conditioning is still so deep. in the moment, he might. if we go with “karkat had a crush on bro”, karkat might actually believe that he loves bro. has convinced himself of the fact and maybe even does truly, sincerely love him. bro has isolated karkat enough that karkat hasn’t spend enough time with anyone to even develop a crush. there’s only ever been bro you know? so if there’s only ever been bro, who else is there to love? not himself because there’s nothing about himself to love. whatever karkat likes about himself is only whatever bro likes about him. his eagerness to please, his obedience, his work ethic, his eagerness he is to fuck. so… again, if there’s only ever been bro, who else is there to love? fuck man, karkat being super into sex because he knows that’s what bro wants… sexie and sad friend: Yes it’s very much both friend: Hal teaching him hes lovable beyond sex friend: His worship of karkat teaches makes him feel like there is actual value to him friend: Sex with hal when he’s just a fan is nothing compared to when they  have sex once hal is sincere did karkat feel uncomfortable with how hal treats him? because it’s both expected and… not. because despite how bro thinks of him, he rarely treats karkat gently. and… does karkat realize that he shouldn’t be sleeping with a fan? because if he doesn’t, it just might be him being a hopeless romantic again and if he does, does he do it because he knows that he won’t be hurt? because thinking of karkat sensing that hal isn’t completely a fan anymore and being uncomfortable with it because there’s no more safety net? hal’s development is opposite to karkat’s too! like… what if karkat prefers it if hal is an obsessed lover because that’s something his familiar with and finds it comforting because it’s what he only knows? because i said that karkat going from an obsessed lover to another lover and that one is because karkat doesn’t know that hal is like that but if karkat does know that hal is like that and chooses to be with him anyway, it’s tragic. if such a lover is all he’s ever known, going to another that’s like that would feel comforting. because at least he knows what to expect and he can act accordingly. because if karkat is in early to mid twenties, his… relationship with bro has going for almost a decade and… that’s fucking rough does karkat ever get this passing moment of realization that there’s something with bro? like… does bro’s temper rises fast and hot and there’s this moment karkat is terrified of bro. when it passes, of course karkat tries to reason it away but maybe it plants a seed of doubt inside him? friend: Omg Karkat freaking out when hal is no longer praising him for things he does as an idol but the little things he knows and notices about Karkat as an authentic troll friend: K: wait, what’s happening? Since when can hal SEE me because he’s being confronted by his real self! friend: Lowkey the heartbreak hal puts himself through in getting rejected over and over friend: Because karkat continues to feel guilty and running to bro it’s a wonder that hal didn’t give up friend: Right! Hal doesn’t give up because it’s karkat and he actually likes the challenge so… does bro decide to kill karkat because of this? [eye emoji] friend: Ohhhj yes but it’s when karkat doesn’t confess who it is?? friend: Never with names friend: But its obvious when he’s feeling guilty friend: So bro gets concerned like actually sees the potential loss of karkat friend: So it becomes a matter of leaving karkat to become damaged goods or preserve the last of his purity has to keep karkat the way he is, the way that he’s still his friend: Does karkat ever find out the extent of hal’s fan obsession? hm… i guess not? because hal is secretive of it. unless karkat gets it through context clues in how hal acts? friend: That would be a big reveal and a potentially damaging one …maybe bro reveals it because if karkat keeps confessing, bro gets this undeniable itch to know. who’s taking karkat and keeps taking him away from him? friend: At first bro thinks its multiple people which feels easier to punish because Karkat, sweetheart, you are a whore. but as bro pieces by karkat’s reaction that it is one person, he becomes angrier bro calling karkat a whore… because karkat going to just one person means that he feels some affection for them OR they have something on him, either way, the person has control over his starlight friend: And how angry would bro be to see karkat fondly touching one of the marks hal left on his collar friend: Karkat maybe even smiles just slightly bro is seeing karkat happy and it’s caused by someone else and that won’t do. that won’t do at all friend: And bro loses it there. Grabs karkat by the wrist and drags him to his office or the bedroom ooooooh, is this a moment when karkat doesn’t want to be fucked by him at all? friend: YES friend: Oh he struggles against bro friend: First time he actually tries to push him away friend: Bro would be livid would be even rougher and even growl. would demand that karkat say he wants him, wants to be fucked by him. and at that moment, bro throws what karkat felt at his face. you said you loved me. you wanted to be fucked by me just last week you climbed into my bed, practically drooling for it. but you do this to me? bro… taking karkat back to the dollhouse. makes him strip and drags him into the living room and in front of the cut-out and framed articles, in front of all the awards on the dresser, bro fucks him there friend: Oh that would fuck karkat up for sure. friend: Maybe at that point he’d rather bro kill him friend: He begs bro to kill him oh I’m gonna go bad here, like way worse than usual so be warned… karkat begs bro to stop but bro just fucks him harder, makes him cum several times. bro marks karkat, bites and bruises and even cumming on his face and bro threatens to take pictures of how karkat looks, says that he’d frame those too. …threatens to show them to his new lover and even says that he’ll fuck him right in front of them. …casually says that maybe he’ll even record one of the times they fuck because if karkat is gonna be a whore, he’ll show them how much of a whore he is when the fury has dimmed slightly, bro is still fucking karkat but it’s slower, gentler. he praises karkat on how good he feels, how good he’s being and how good he takes it, thanks him for being so patient and being so forgiving, oh, karkat, don’t cry. you know I hate it when you cry. I didn’t mean all the stuff I said. I was just angry, I hate it when you go to someone else because I thought you love me. you do love me don’t you? I’m sorry karkat but can you speak louder? I didn’t hear what you said. Oh, you love me? You have no idea how happy I am hearing it. Am I your only one? Am I? when bro finishes, it’s not actually finished. he doesn’t let karkat dress, giving him his shirt to wear and karkat has only that to wear while bro keeps him in the dollhouse. and…marathon non-con sex. bro fucks karkat where in the house and when he feels like it. and bro is still very cruel so he fucks karkat in front of the tv while it plays one of his performances and they… spend a week in the dollhouse and bro just takes and takes and takes and takes from karkat so when the week is up, he’s fucked karkat’s brains out and karkat is sore and limping and worn down. he spreads his legs for bro and bro praises him for it when the week finally does finish and bro finally has his fury under control, he takes care of karkat! but karkat is quiet and too broken to notice. bro makes karkat promise to behave and karkat does. karkat spends the rest of the month recuperating and when karkat is finally “well” enough to be seen in public, it doesn’t escape hal’s (and other fans’) notice that karkat is acting really different. karkat doesn’t go to see hal either. refuses to answer his calls! friend: He is scared that bro will piece it together but bro already did? yes! and also because bro made him promise not to and… karkat can’t suffer through that again can he? but… hal gets a letter with no sender and when he opens it, his stomach fucking drops, it’s a picture of karkat. (younger than he is now? and) asleep. he burns it but it’s seared into his mind forever. and hal knows without a doubt what happened to karkat and what’s happening to him now …holy shit. bro knows karkat’s lover is hal but hal doesn’t know that karkat’s lover is bro so… when hal goes to ask bro on who karkat is seeing and if he’s seen anyone suspicious around him, he doesn’t fucking know. hal asks who’s around karkat, who has access to his living quarters, says that someone has stalked and is still stalking karkat, had taken pictures of him sleeping and hal is so fucking angry and bro is just so calm hal turns to bro furious. why is he so calm about this?! why can’t he give him a good answer?! karkat is being hurt and he’s just gonna let that happen?! hal cuts himself off because he wants to stay calm. he’s staring at bro and then it happens fuck oh fuck it’s him isn’t it. the man standing before him. his fucking relative. he’s the one hurting karkat. hal wants to fucking scream. he knows where karkat lives, has access to where karkat lives, has been by karkat’s side this whole fucking time bro sees the lightning strike of realization hit hal and he knows then and there that hal can’t be allowed to live. bro does his best to beat the shit out of hal and even gets his hands around his neck to squeeze. if he can’t kill hal with his bare hands, he’ll kill him with his fucking tie hal fights back, he does his fucking best to fight back but bro is fueled by obsession and bottomless wrath and hal loses but he lives because someone gets there in time. karkat screams at bro to stop but that just makes him even more angrier but karkat keeps screaming at bro to stop. he is crying and pleading and begging, please stop, please and karkat… does manage to get bro to stop. bro stops, it’s hard to believe but he does. he can’t stand it when karkat cries, doesn’t want him to cry. maybe it’s a kernel of actual fondness in him bro stops and karkat keeps pleading and begging him to stop but karkat knows that that won’t end this so easily. so karkat promises. he promises that he won’t see hal again, promises to be good, promises to only be bro’s again now and forever, promises to love him and him only and… bro takes it. he doesn’t want hal to keep on living but he doesn’t want to refuse karkat’s promises so he takes it and lets go bro takes karkat arm, gently! gently this time. there’s no want for violence against karkat now or ever because bro knows then and there that karkat can’t be allowed to live. why didn’t think of this before? karkat could have died young and his forever. karkat could have died before this stupid worthless piece of shit kid got his dirty disgusting hands on him and fucked the sense out of his beautiful head. karkat could have died and bro would have kept him in his heart till the day he died. all beautiful and pure tucked away in a box does he mean in a box for vinyls or a coffin? who knows bro takes karkat back and isn’t he being gracious? after everything karkat had done against him, the disobedience and the whoring, doesn’t bro forgive him and take him back? bro takes karkat back and takes him back to the dollhouse. it’s where this whole relationship started so this is where it’ll end and for karkat, the place is fucking nauseating to be in. he remembers what it means and what happened here. he doesn’t look at the articles, the photos, the awards, the posters. he can’t fucking wait to leave this behind. it won’t happen but he can’t fucking wait for people to forget him hal runs after him. of course he does, he fucking has to. everything fucking hurts but he fucking has to. he knows that this won’t end well and he promised that worthless piece of shit relative jack fucking shit. hal finally goes to the dollhouse. and he is fucking disgusted by all of it. to think he was like this once upon time too… hal is fucking glad he grew out of it hal shoots bro. fuck, that’s such a simple way to say it but that’s what happens. hal shoots bro karkat is horrified and he bursts into tears. he drops into his knees beside bro and begs him to stay with him. there was only ever been bro so karkat doesn’t want to lose him. despite all the harm and the terror bro caused karkat, karkat still loves him so much. he had loved him before and he loves him now and what can he do with that love? he can’t just let that love go easily karkat clings to bro and hal has to drag him away from him. bro reaches for karkat and karkat reaches back but hal drags him away and karkat can’t understand why. why is doing this? why did he do this? why is he taking him away from bro? hal gets karkat out of the door while karkat is kicking and screaming. all he wants is to be with bro, even if he has to die with him all karkat wants that in sharp, agonizing moment is to be with the man he loves  (years later, unknown how many years later it so just years later, karkat thanks hal for doing what he did. hal had saved him) hal burns down the dollhouse too. he brought gasoline and that disgusting house is going to fucking burn (karkat thanks hal for that too.) hal forces karkat into the passenger’s seat then gets into the driver’s seat and the car drives away from the burning house. they’re both staring at it till it disappears in the distance dirk walks around his apartment for a midnight snack and gets the fucking scar of his life when the front door’s doorknob starts rattling. hal yells that it’s him and to open the fucking door so dirk does. hal stumbles into dirk’s apartment, a missing idol sobbing uncontrollably in his arms and dirk wonders what the fuck just happened to them dirk doesn’t ask and he’s surprised when he hears the news report of bro being dead. a relative of his is dead. dirk was never close to him but it’s still pretty damn weird to hear that your older cousin is dead. house fire it says but dirk has a suspicion that someone killed him. dirk doesn’t ask. the missing idol asleep in his couch and hal is looking at him with desperation. yeah, dirk has a suspicion on what happened roxy and jane know what happened. of course they do. hal told them what he was gonna do and who provided the car, the liters of gasoline and the matchbook? who provided the pistol and the bullets to kill bro with? of course they know. and when karkat talks about what happened to him years later, jane, roxy and dirk are fucking glad that hal did it karkat doesn’t show himself in public in a long while and when he finally does, he announces that he’s retiring. it’s a media frenzy. an idol disappeared and when he comes back, he’s retiring?! the reporters ask him why and karkat answers that it’s because his mental health and they try to ask him more questions but karkat doesn’t answer any of them and there’s theories on why he did it and where he was going to go karkat does actually retire. but wherever he goes, fans and cameras are there but he’s not in that life anymore and maybe he can live his life another way. does karkat get together with hal? maybe, maybe not. either way, hal doesn’t mind because he understands that karkat needs to heal from this does karkat talk about what happened? yes, when he gets older. after he realizes what happened to him and got help to deal with all the shame and guilt that he felt. when karkat speaks up about it, he’ll make sure he’s heard

#brokat #halkat #arkat #my aus #idolatry

[sweetbunnykook]

bun you know what? i love all of your jk’s except one and i was trying to give him a chance but i cant,,, i just hope oc will find someone else because she deserves so much better 😔 and yes i’m talking to you metal singer!jk -.- i would never forgive cheating that’s my #1 fear in a relationship 💔

I’m surprised because out of all the JKs I’ve developed AUs for, metal singer!JK has the biggest character development. He started off as an immature hopeless romantic who got the girl of his dreams. Marriage comes and he’s happy with noona and their child. Emotional cheating happened when he needed validation and didn’t communicate with noona between caring for children and trying to revive his career back to its former glory (even though it’s too late). It took noona asking for a legal separation for him to come back to reality and realize what he had. He promised to give her the space he needs and tries to be a better father while also dealing with his own anxiety about how he’ll earn back noona’s heart. It’s also taking time to adjust to a new career of working behind the scenes as his era is over and the public wants something new. He thinks he has everything figured out and is prepared to pretend the emotional cheating didn’t happen. 

And life comes back to teach him a lesson when he finds out just how poorly he was as a husband and father. When noona sleeps with Namjoon, his bandmate and friend of many years, he feels betrayed and is angry enough that he said things he couldn’t take back (how noona is nothing but a groupie he fucked, how he was the only one fighting for them, how she didn’t bother to think about his feelings or communicate). He wanted to hurt her and he did. It was a damage that was almost irreversible and JK immediately regretted it when he saw how devastated noona was and how much it affected his child too, who was listening from upstairs. It was the hardest time of their lives and noona admits that she went over to Namjoon’s place not to sleep with him but to ask advice on asking for a divorce. Her self-esteem has plummeted so much that she can’t bear to live in the same house as him and remind herself how delusional she was thinking she could have a happily ever after with a musician she idolized. 

They eventually learned, over the next months, to communicate as they discussed divorce. JK took her confession that she has been on medication for post-partum depression and clinical depression since their child was a few months old quite hard. It was the first time in a while he cried alone (also because his child wouldn’t even return his hug and it was apparent the arguments were affecting her health) and he went to Namjoon’s place to talk about it as well because he was the only person who knew. He set aside his anger for noona in that moment because he’s genuinely concerned about her mental wellbeing. She couldn’t tell him back then because he was stressed from adjusting to fatherhood and trying to hold onto what’s left of his once powerful career in the spotlight. He realized how lonely she felt when he was gone weeks at a time for tours, only coming back for a few days before he was gone again, and then missing out on his child’s life when he craved the attention and validation of fans (especially the women who shower him with praises and flattery). 

He remembers all the promises he broke - promises on attending their child’s school events, promises on doing something special for their anniversary, promise to take noona to somewhere she was begging for them to go. He remembers how little she asked of him when he kept making promises he couldn’t keep and how natural it was for her to lean on the closest person she had - Namjoon. Although noona didn’t make the effort to tell him about her depression and difficulty with motherhood, he also wasn’t mature enough to initiate a conversation. They both understand what went wrong, took time to absorb all the details, and by the time they spilled their hearts out, they began their slow but pleasant healing process. Noona shredded the divorce documents she held onto at the end of the year and she began to wear the ring although not on her fingers, just around her neck hidden from JK’s view. 

Once their child entered high school, they rekindled their relationship and developed a healthier mindset once they realized they wanted to spend their lives with each other. It takes more than love for a relationship to work and JK wanted to be there for noona through sickness and health as he promised. They remarried the day after their child graduated with Namjoon as the best man who also walked noona down the aisle (since her father passed a few years ago). It still isn’t easy managing their relationship and there are still ups and downs, but they know that as long as they care for each other, they’ll get through it.  

- 🐰

[nurdirim]

⌠ ILAYDA ALISAN, 20, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, NUR YILDIRIM! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in MEDICAL TRAINING + SEDUCTION & FLIRTATION ; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (rosy lips & flushed cheeks, summer breeze through brunette locks, long baths with rose petals, quiet cries on a lonely night). when it’s the (taurus)’s birthday on 04/22/2000, they always request their DOLMA from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

And... my 6th and last muse! *Sweat blobs* As usual, please bear with me as I figure her and flesh her out as I go! I hope you love her as much as I do!!! ❤  

@gallagherintro​

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Divorce and abandonment (kinda)

Name: Nur Esma Yildirim

Age: 20

Birthday: April 22nd

Parents: Mehmet Yildirim and Zehra Dogan

Siblings: none

Sexual orientation: bisexual

Height: 5′2″

Languages spoken: Turkish, English, French, Arabic, Italian

Pinterest: here !

BACKGROUND

Mehmet and Zehra never planned on having children; they  never even considered it. They were too busy working for the Turkish  National Intelligence Organization to raise kids. But then, they got  accidentally pregnant with Nur and decided to go ahead with the  pregnancy.

Zehra barely took time off work  when Nur was born, instead hiring a nanny to help out and that’s how it  remained: from one nanny to the other.

Her  parents were barely around. If they weren’t away on missions, they were  in the organization from early morning to late night. She could count  on two hands the number of times she had dinners with them per year.  They never attended any of her school events, and if they did, they’d  leave before it was over.

Although the  nannies gave her the attention a child craved growing up, it simply  didn’t do. All she wanted was her parents’ love and attention. As such,  she tried to do whatever it takes to get their attention. She excelled  at school and she sometimes caused trouble at home to get the nannies to  quit. Nothing worked.

They sent her  to do spy prep out of Turkey, hoping it’d be distracting enough for her.  It wasn’t. She still worked her hardest and excelled, still hoping  she’d get her parents’ attention. Still nothing.

After  spy prep, she went back to Turkey to the news that her parents were  divorcing and soon enough she found out it was because her mom had  fallen in love with a coworker in the NIO (*drum rolls* it’s Aylin’s  dad).

Nur already felt abandoned, but the news that her mother was leaving the family for someone else deepened that feeling for her.

She has met her mom’s new boyfriend and family exactly twice (on special occasions/holidays) and it was literal hell for her.

After  the divorce was finalized, her father was too busy to deal with the  aftermath and to deal with work, so he immediately enrolled Nur in  Gallagher, once again sending her abroad.

PERSONALITY

She has an aura of calmness around her. She’s not the  most outspoken person out there and she tends to hide what she’s actually thinking. She’s not bubbly but she doesn’t have a sad demeanor either?? She’s just calm!

The lack of love and attention she received from her parents brought about a strong need for love and attention.

She  fears being abandoned, and that was further fueled after her mother and  father divorced and after the revelation that her mother is with  someone else now.

She pretty much thinks she’s unlovable and blames herself for her parents not loving her.

Because she fears abandonment, she  has the tendency to play hard to get and flirt when given the  opportunity.

She also tends to crush on multiple people at the same time because she is a big hopeless romantic.

She’s self-confident enough in her abilities and in a lot of different things and she knows she is strong  in her own way (she’s not vain though) but she lacks  security in her relationships.

She’s a perfectionist. She cares about  excelling at courses (still hoping it’d would earn her parents’  acceptance. Yes, she hasn’t given up on that yet). She’s pretty fierce  when it comes to courses and is persistent when it comes to anything in  her life, really.

She is a people pleaser. She will take whatever it takes to earn people’s attention and love.

She’s not impulsive, and will always look before she leaps.

She will pretend everything is fine and that nothing gets to her and then probably dwell on it or even cry about it when she’s alone lmao, depends on awful it is.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

Ride-or-die (F)

Best friend (M)

Close friend(s)

People who like Aylin: she’d probably be lowkey wary because she has her own biases towards Aylin!! 

People who don’t like Aylin lmao she’ll like you even more

Study buddy

Bad influence

Platonic friends who act like a married couple

Confidant

Cuddle buddy

Sexual tension

Mom friend

Friends from medical training or S&F

Competition

Crushes or infatuations: she tends to crush on multiple people at the same time it’s nothing serious lmao

Flirtationship

Exes: can be on good terms or bad terms we can decide!

Soft for her

Sibling-like relationship: she grew up without siblings so!! give her that!!

People she tutors

Anything really?

#gallagher:intro #tw divorce #tw abandonment #this is a mess of words if u see typos no u didnt

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

rewriting ash’s intro post since i link it on his plots page so that the info’s up to date since my last rewrite is over two years old. i added quite a bit about his personality/characterization, so feel free to read it but also feel equally free to ignore it.

tw: mention of depression/anxiety

ashton taeyong kwon, born in san francisco, california on december 24, 1995, and was raised there until age 13

his stage name is taeyong, but friends call him ash. he’s learned to respond to taeyong tho and doesn’t mind fans and acquaintances calling him that; he just doesn’t really like being called ashton unless you’re his actual mom and he will generally make his distaste known if you do that. fans don’t really know he goes by ash in his private life so they call him taeyong and he’d like to keep it that way. (he’s not a fan of fans pretending to have a closer relationship with him than fan-artist... lmao)

was a musical baby from birth so he started taking piano, dance, and guitar lessons pretty early and fell in love with all three

auditioned for bc entertainment’s global audition in los angeles for fun more than anything else as a dancer. he didn’t know a ton about korean music (or korean language) but figured it couldn’t hurt since he knew he wanted to pursue a music career

won a contract offer and decided to go for it with his parents’ approval, so he moved to seoul by himself at 13

he knew very little korean, so he was kind of isolated as a trainee and was really lonely. his parents probably shouldn’t have let him move his life overseas alone at such a young age and on such short notice knowing his personality, but they kinda wanted to live the childfree life again since they had him so young and without plans to have a kid

(his parents are good parents for the most part, though! he loves them to death and they’re very loving and supportive, they’re just the types that didn’t plan to have a kid until it happened on accident)

by the time he debuted, he knew korean well enough to get by but he did have some attitude scandals when they first debuted because he was trying to overcompensate for not being 100% fluent

bc decided his image should be more ~broody and artsy~ to avoid more attitude scandals. since then, it’s evolved into james dean-esque bad boy heartthrob, but for the longest time his image was pretty much being quiet which led to him not being super popular until he eventually started to shape his own solo career (so he now has a lot of akgaes)

things were going pretty well for him for a while ! knight was doing great and yeah maybe he was a little overworked but he was performing ! which is what he wanted ! right ? right ?????

all hell broke loose on valentine’s day in 2016 when one rather minor dating rumor released by a media outlet led to a much bigger scandal which originated in fan communities through “leaked” pictures of him out with other female celebrities in common date locations or, in one case, entering a hotel together on more than one occasion

antis quickly ran with the narrative of him being a player/womanizer/serial dater/cheater, etc. and further “evidence” appeared on fan communities like unsubstantiated “eyewitness” stories and convenience store receipts and it took a big toll on his reputation despite the company coming out with a statement denying everything and claiming he was only friends with the women

it became a big mess and he tried to put on a strong face but in reality it tore him up because now everyone was talking shit about him online and trying to make his private life their business and he ended up in a Really Dark Place

was pretty much dungeoned outside of knight activities for about eight months before he was made one of the members of the white knight sub unit to get him back in the public’s graces which worked on a minor level. he got his first solo activities (osts) around this time as well to test out public response.

in 2017, got caught with another female idol at a convenience store at night which sparked dating rumors, but those were more easily dismissed. late that year, he got in a scandal for causing a commotion when he was wasted outside of a club in tokyo and called a female friend to pick him up from the club... not his best move.

2018 was the year of being criticized for being lazy on stage and allegedly having an attitude problem with fans during fan signs. was a bad look, but the instances causing the scandal were mainly a result of his poor mental health (depression and extreme anxiety) he was dealing with as a result of making his solo debut amidst quite a lot of online hate.

so yeah he made his solo debut in late 2017 and has had a steady career as a solo artist (he’s dropped four full albums and several promoted or non-promoted singles) and a model for endorsements and cfs (his biggest and longest-term deal has been with calvin klein, and that’s become a part of his Brand now i would say — the sexy, modern, all-american image of calvin klein fits his public image to a t) since then. he and bc have worked very hard to redeem his public image and he hasn’t had a scandal in like three years, during which time he’s had six number one singles, so he’s not public enemy number one anymore and his past scandals tend to be more of a footnote to people who aren’t actively his antis lmao

he also had a viral fancam in october 2020 that went viral for him being sexy and Very Into singing you know i’m no good by amy winehouse (because he hates himself </3)... sexy king who has internalized issues with being sexualized that he kinda has to deal with since that’s a big part of his image and also continuously gets rewarded in his career for his Public Self-Hatred Self-Flagellation... anyway

has also done a lot of work as a songwriter/producer since his solo debut for himself and others and that’s his main passion right now. this man does not leave his home studio a lot

doesn’t have much say in knight’s music but he’s fine with that since he’s pretty much over knight. would throw a party if knight disbanded today and considers other knight members co-workers over friends for the most part.

has major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder (the former is diagnosed, the latter isn’t officially but ash knows something is up there, he just hasn’t seen anyone with the capacity to officially diagnose him) and insomnia and those took a really bad toll on him for a while and still do but he’s actively seeing a therapist again as of mid-2020 and is trying to handle those situations better

ummmmm, his main personal interest is music, he has an impulsive/rebellious streak for days, and he’s a hopeless romantic who believes his own personal search for love is hopeless

his main motivation is just ?? to find happiness that he doesn’t think he’s really felt in his adult life but he also doesn’t think he deserve it so :/ is also very driven by his desire to have a long-term impact on the world and to Mean Something

his biggest fears are heights, not meaning anything to anyone, and The Inevitability Of Oblivion

he hates being Known . he’s extremely private. doesn’t let anyone know about his relationships and tends to be weirdly private about his friendships as well. doesn’t think anything he does is anyone else’s business unless he personally makes it their business lmao

a hufflepuff who could have also been considered for gryffindor tbh but would choose hufflepuff

infj-t (”the advocate”) - “they tend to approach life with deep thoughtfulness and imagination. their inner vision, personal values, and a quiet, principled version of humanism guide them in all things.” 

i used to call him neutral good but i honestly think he’s become chaotic good

melancholic

type 4w5 (”the bohemian” / “the free spirit”) - “four wing fives fear having no impact on the world. they may be reserved, but they seek recognition and admiration. they desire their own personal identity, and may retreat within themselves to discover who they really are. free spirits tend to defend themselves either by withdrawing from others or adapting characteristics of loved ones.”

that’s all really but i can talk about him for hours if anyone ever wants to know more about him

#&& there's nobody home | ooc #&& queued

[astrologysvt]

Woozi’s Ideal Type - Natal Chart Reading

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! For more posts like this, check out my masterlist as I’ll be doing an in-depth ideal type post for each member!

For ideal types, I’m not going to be doing specific placements of their ideal partner. Instead, I’m gonna be listing personality traits I think would mesh well with them, as well as focus on their needs and the kind of person who could meet them. Keep in mind these are almost “perfect” descriptions of their ideal types based off their natal charts. I promise you that there is no one in the world that 100% fits these descriptions and thats where communication and compromise come in and all that fun stuff. 

(Woozi could definitely be a Sag Sun and who knows I may change my mind, but rn I think he’s a scorpio sun. This interpretation doesn’t change much based on his sun as both Scorpio and Sag suns are both independent and desire authentic experiences as romantic partners).

someone fun (fire influence).

someone creative, outgoing, and independent.

interests should be similar as he’d want to connect with someone over his passions, and would want to share in his excitement.

charming, intelligent, rational, communicative (libra venus) 

ambitious, adventurous, open-minded, optimistic (sag mercury).

independent, independent, independent. I cannot say it enough. Literally every single part of his chart indicates that he needs SPACE and FREEDOM and would want that for his partner as well. 

in my experience, even though scorpios don’t want to admit it, they LOVE validation and they love attention (not in the “asking for permission” type of validation, but they like to have their competence acknowledged). 

and although an aries moon may not rely as much on validation as a scorpio sun may, they still love attention.

he’s going to want to be with someone who makes him feel good about himself. 

he’s not immune to a great pep talk or a little bit of sincere flattery, and his s/o should be someone whose very generous in their communicating of this.

(even though he may say it makes him uncomfortable. he loves it and I promise he wants it acknowledged). 

for that reason as well, he’s going to want to be with someone who encourages and challenges him and has a ready and waiting ear for his ideas, concerns, and random thoughts. 

great sense of humor, super super funny (maybe a bit on the sarcastic side) thanks to his sag mercury.

his aries moon also makes him very playful making him crave a youthful and free relationship with his partner.

i’ve noticed aries placements love a kind of “kindred” silliness. 

They like being with someone who will meet their ridiculousness halfway.

(also all fire placements love arguing with their significant other over dumb things. this is a fact). 

his fiery placements would get very bored with someone who took themselves too seriously. 

not to mention his sag influence makes him extremely optimistic so he’d feel bogged down my someone ultra realistic/practical/pessimistic. 

he wants to get excited about life and his life with his s/o. they should be equally excited and hopeful for their future together. 

they should offer him a very sincere and simple emotional connection as his aries moon and scorpio sun sextile uranus and pluto would want authenticity and would be very quick to suss out shallowness. 

not to mention an aries moon can make him incredibly straight forward, while scorpio/sag placements give him a sense of him being a no-nonsense, straight forward guy. 

he is fiercely independent thanks to his scorpio sun and aries moon, but his libra venus makes him crave romance.

once he’s set his eyes on someone, that’s all he’ll be thinking about. 

like picking-petals-off-lowers, head-over-heels kind of love.

not to mention a scorpio sun would add a super strong tendency towards obsessive habits in love? maybe not in a creepy way like it sounds, but it’d seep into everything he did. the members would probs get annoyed cuz he’ll find a way to talk about his s/o whenever he can, all of his songs will be about them, etc. etc. 

the libra venus really softens every other part of his chart that makes him seem indifferent. 

it also explains why so many of his songs focus on love, but not just superficial love. like, the more nuanced parts of love and break ups. it goes to show how deeply he’s thought about it and how naturally romantic he is.

it’d also explain why he once said during a fansign that he wrote home because he was lonely (brb gotta cry) this is his libra venus being hyper aware of the space he’s saving for someone. 

due to his afflicted moon he’s going to seem cold and distant in the relationship from the outside but he is ACTUALLY the fuzziest boy.

his afflicted aries moon and (unafflicted) libra venus would give him a clumsy, awkward, yet incredibly thoughtful and sincere way of expressing love.

maybe not the king of grand gestures, but his moments will be incredibly sincere and observant.

they’d be moments where his s/o would be surprised he noticed, or didn’t even realize he had been having such sweet and deep thoughts.

it’ll take his s/o by surprise because he keeps his feelings and thoughts close to his chest due to his secretive and private scorpio sun, but he will a-matter-of-factly state them when the moment arises thanks to his scorpio, aries, and sag placements that, again, make him a no-nonsense guy on all fronts. 

His afflicted moon and well aspected saturn means that he struggles with emotional freedom and expression while also being incredibly disciplined.

he’d want someone with self-control and goals.

this is also heighten by his virgo mars which makes him both disciplined, a perfectionist, and pretty set in his ways (ya, I know virgo is a mutable sign but have you ever actually met a virgo. you try and get them to eat a piece of toast slightly too toasted for them and it shuts down their core processing). 

not only that, but virgos like security. 

they like predictability and have very specific preferences that will personally offend them if violated so his s/o should be both understanding and compatible with him on these fronts. 

like it may be a deal-breaker if their lifestyles were too different once the initial romance tames and they have to learn to coexist.

this is further emphasized by the fact that virgo is the sign of health, lifestyle & wellbeing. they value this and can tend to be rather inflexible on this front.

his outer planets are all very well aspected to his personal planets, specifically uranus and saturn.

meaning that he’s not only independent, unique, and goal-oriented, but he’s going to want to see the same in his partner.

his trajectory is forward. he is a visionary in the sense of having a great deal of creativity and the work-ethic to see his visions through, and if his partner is someone too focused in the moment and far too preoccupied with getting him to settle down, their paths are simply incompatible.

it really just emphasizes how independent and individualistic he is as a person. 

his libra venus definitely softens this and can certainly make him a hopeless romantic, but his core values would make it that he would never allow himself to be too dependent on his partner. 

he wants to be his own person before he enters a relationship, and he’d be very adverse to dating someone whose life and goals centered too solely on romance/relationships. 

his saturn aspects, afflicted moon, along with a virgo mars mean that he is someone who both struggles with, and desires a kind of “liberation” from time to time. 

his s/o should be fun and free and help him forget about the aspects of himself that may be overly self-conscious in certain moments. teach him how to be reckless every now and again while also keeping him on track with his own goals. they shouldn’t be tooo wild, lmao. 

Let’s not forget a saturn in aries which is gonna inhibit his ability to be open and expressive as a need for composure and control is incredibly strong, while simultaneously making him rather flighty with commitment and attention. 

his need for action and ability to express and process negative feelings like anger are inhibited and go through an confusing filter of being hot-headed and impulsive, to overly critical and cautious which can lead to him appearing cold and short.

his partner should be patient and empathetic enough to help him through these situations, but also understand that him needing space doesn’t reflect his feelings towards his partner.

as passionate and good-humored he’d want his partner to be, a big turn off would be someone who is too expressive and too intense to the point of lacking tact. He’d need someone with self-control, but also someone persistent and committed in order to balance out the aries part of his aries saturn when it decides to act up as it can make him flighty from time to time. 

this is heightened by his virgo mars, which can make him very set in his ways and pushing him out of his comfort zones when he’s clearly not interested in challenging those comfort zones is only going to freak him out or irritate him. 

trying to breach these will put him on edge, and will more likely push him away than anything else. 

not only that, but it’d probably freak him out as it would paint you as someone who wouldn’t know how to give him space.

(literally @ soonyoung).

sounds contradictory but it’s not much more complicated than just encouraging him by example, not by coercion. 

in general, he’s looking for someone who can both balance him out and challenge him. 

his s/o should be fun, independent, and goal-oriented. 

someone charming with a flare for dramatics here and there, but ultimately someone poised he can be proud of who he can look on with with respect and admiration and who’d think the same of him. 

someone communicative and ultra-creative, i can see him loving being able to pick up random interests with his s/o that they can discuss and collaborate on. 

he greatly desires intellectual companionship paired with a great deal of independence: ideally, he’d want a relationship where their goals are similar and they can encourage, help, and be a place of healing and rejuvenation to one another while making each other laugh along the way.

#woozi #lee jihoon #svt #seventeen

[tclinemarr]

— && guests may mistake me as ( normani ), but really i am ( taline mar + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 12/26/1996 ). i am a ( dance teacher ) and would like to stay in suite ( 309 ). i won’t be much of a bother because i am ( idealistic & charismatic ), but i can also be ( domineering & scatter-brained ) at times. personally, i like to ( listen to podcasts, shop online & solve crossword puzzles ) when i have the time to relax, and my favorite snack is ( flamin’ hot cheetos ) to have in my suite. thank you for checking in! ( nessa, est, 21 ).

tw: mentions of anxiety. 

hello, my babies! okay, i swear, this is the last muse i’m bringing in for y’all. the muse with fiona just didn’t click as i hoped it would so i decided to bring back a favorite muse of mine, taline! you’re a real og if you remember when i first played her. anyways, i literally can’t think of how to do an intro post, wowie, but below will have some info about her! if you wanna know more about her you can check out her pinterest board here or her full bio here! i’m always down to plot, so lmk if you’d like to plot and we can work something out! 

as of right now, she is keeping herself focused on herself and uses her job as a dance teacher as a form of every day therapy. she’s been living in chicago for about two to three years so far. in her spare time, she helps tutor kids after school and likes to shop online. taline swears those are the only things keeping her sane.

let’s get a few things out of the way: taline is both distant and clingy at the same time. she doesn’t let a crap ton of people close to her but once she does, she can be draining. she texts about random things that she thinks her friends will enjoy. she asks how they are all the time. she wants to hang out and watch movies and cuddle a lot. she wants to cook for them and buy them things. she wants to share her favorite books with them. she wants to witness their shocked faces during the plot twists of her favorite movies. it isn’t uncommon for her to have to be told that someone needs a break from her for a few days. she tries not to take those times personally but the majority of the time after being pushed away for a breather, taline is unsure of what to do with herself and gets fretful and does massive amounts of work and dancing.

taline is frequently told that she could be a politician due to her diplomatic presence and strong-willed mindset. even so, she has much interest in politics as a profession, and takes it as a compliment and revels in the fact that people think so highly of her.

hardened by the unwanted advances and crass comments people would throw at her when she was younger, the brown-eyed beauty has perfected the art of appearing intimidating and serious. but the reality is that she has a fantastic sense of humor that can be cracked into by treating her the way everyone else didn’t – like a human being and not an object. 

taline fits very well into the “femme fatale” trope and often receives comparisons to michaela pratt from htgawm for both her sophisticated sense of style and bold personality. somewhat of an uptight perfectionist, she has always followed the rules and is her own worst critic.

despite her demeanor, the young woman is extremely caring and always wants the people she cares about to be comfortable and happy. when she’s very close to a person, she can be very emotional expressive towards them. she doesn’t mind expressing her feelings and thoughts with someone she’s extremely close to. in fact, she finds it therapeutic. of course, this is something that comes over time when you’re her friend. she doesn’t get close to people very easily.

everything that she does is very methodical and thought out. she’s not afraid to flaunt her intelligence, nor is she afraid to intimidate people by shoving her systematic way of life in their face if it benefits her. taline is a very cut-throat type of person when it comes down to it, but it’s because she believes she deserves the best and will do anything to get it. 

due to her own arrogance and intelligence, taline has an opinion on everything and a tendency to share those opinions when it’s not necessarily appropriate, which gets her in trouble frequently.

she no longer speaks to her father due to the fact that the pressure he put her under caused her to suffer from anxiety attacks. she’s currently looking for a good therapist since she’s still dealing with the impact of his words and the expectations he set for her. 

she moved to chicago a few months after dropping out of the graduate program at vanderbilt university. she wanted a clean slate since she was always surrounded by the same people for the past few years. chicago seemed like a good idea to her and it would be an easy escape from hearing her father’s nagging. 

currently, she is living at the malnati while teaching at the small dance studio she works at. she posts on youtube every other week and has recently gotten on the tiktok bandwagon. she moved to chicago because it reminded her a little bit of indianapolis and she needed a new place of scenery to reinvent herself. at the moment, there is no family in the picture as taline has been estranged from hers since she was twenty one for choosing to pursue her own dreams instead of trying to fit into the neat little box they’d carved for her. that has left a pretty big void in her life that she chose to ignore and then fill with dance.

to help her make a little money on the side, she has an onlyfans account. she enjoys showing herself off in lingerie. taline at night vs. taline during the day is such a difference that it will blow your mind.

plotting

at first glance, there isn’t very much to taline. she’s the girl who is impeccably dressed with a wide grin on her face and a childlike kindness that makes her embrace everyone she meets with open arms. she goes to great lengths to make sure that is all that people see; that she is recognized as the ex-rich girl who lucked into her own brand of success with her youtube channel. she genuinely adores people from all walks of life and takes great joy in getting to know them. honestly, taline is a combination of a really reliable friend and someone who frequently just disappears off the face for months at a time when she's focusing on her work. she's surprisingly introverted for the job she has and can be something of a hermit, but if a friend needs her she'll dust herself off and come out of her hole. she's an interesting person to have around and has stories for days, but can be a little self-involved and work-obsessed. she's also not great at talking about her feelings unless she's pissed off. she's a lot of fun, though, and loves to party. 

i can see taline having a lot of friends but many of them not being particularly good ones. she's a very charismatic and outgoing person but also withdrawn in the sense that a lot of her friendships are very surface level. it takes a lot for her to decide to let someone get much closer but when she does, she's a good friend who will look out for the other person. she just has a tendency to put herself first because she doesn't feel like anyone else will do it for her, so she needs to do it herself. she also grew up feeling pretty lonely and i think part of the reason why she'd have so many superficial friends.

in conclusion: taline is someone with a kind heart who would give the shirt right off her back for anyone she deems a friend. she’s open-minded, loving, and incredibly forgiving when she wants to be. she definitely has her faults. she can be vain and self-involved and a little unreliable as she’s incredibly disorganized. it tends to be made up for with her genuinely good nature, how eager she is to please and how prone she is to spoiling her friends. overall, she's a good friend to have around when she decides to attach herself to you! 

on the flip side, taline loves a good debate, and honestly, loves a good fight. she's full of opinions and refuses to believe that she could be wrong. losing an argument or debate is not in her vocab. she is argumentative and also quite moral/righteous. with that being said, there will also be people she rubs the wrong way. being a strong character and a person not afraid of confrontation, taline frequently ends up in situations where she antagonizes others. when she believes in something, she's very adamant about it and she will fight for it, even if she's not always in the right. she's very passionate and very outspoken and she tends to step on people's toes more often than not. she's also stubborn and doesn't easily see her own mistakes, so she's been known to keep holding onto her opinion even when it's been obviously wrong. get into a heavy conversation with her at your own peril, xo.

despite having a lot of acquaintances, i would like for her to have a circle of tight friends, people she is incredibly close with that she trusts implicitly. some she's known for a long time and some that maybe are newer but they feel its like they've known each other forever. just give this girl her pals, please!

she has plans to open her own studio in the near future, so anyone who be interested in aiding to her dream or who wants lessons or even just a place to practice could befriend her.

she is a hopeless romantic, through and through. she is something of a serial monogamist where she wants to be in a relationship because they help ease some of the insecurities she’s been battling with since she was disowned by her family. she tends to put all of that yearning for their approval into relationships with other people. she’s bisexual, and she’s interested in people who can make her laugh and feel comfortable. she likes the idea of having a partner in her life but she's also so independent and in her own world, so she hasn't ever been particularly good at dating. if we’re being honest, the only serious relationship she has ever been in was with moira sanchez back in college, and she’s still mending a broken heart from that.

she's very protective over her own feelings but equally tends to jump into things too fast and then back the hell out all of a sudden. if she does choose to be in a relationship, i think she’s quite picky with who she decides to do that with because she had a childhood of not receiving the love she needed and i think that shows in her approach to romantic relationships (ouch). i can't see her having loads of hookups since she does tend to project onto someone who shows her attention or affection. she falls hard for people, especially people she starts sleeping with. fwb or fuck buddy relationships often become complicated for her or they evolve into something that ultimately ends. she’s unlucky in love, to put it simple.

wanted plots

left brain, right brain. taline’s other half. the two couldn’t be more different regarding their behavior and interests, but they somehow make it work. they don’t fight often, either, even if they aren’t the same in the slightest. the one thing they have in common is how much they adore the other’s existence.

two best gal friends. -- like a troublesome trio. the three are always seen with at least one another. you can call them charlie’s angels, destiny’s child, or phoebe, rachel, and monica from friends. something that resembles the friendships of the bold type and someone great.

now we got bad blood. -- taline doesn’t have many enemies, but there is always someone out there in the world that will get on her nerves. this person makes her want to gouge her eyes out with a fork. right off the bat, these two bumped heads, arguing about petty things like favorite tv shows and favorite foods. perhaps it’s because they’re both natural born leaders and can’t seem to reach an agreement, or perhaps it’s because they remind each other a little too much of themselves. either way, nobody understands their dislike of one another. 

the art of intimacy. -- she has never been one to indulge in senseless intimacy. actions where touches were detached from feelings. it’s not her -- that’s not taline. but sometimes, the feelings of fingertips on her skin, and the taste of lips, mixed with the rich moans and pleas for more, drives her to break her own rules. she can study them. learn notes about the way of intimacy and sex when you remove the feelings. true, she’s terrible at removing that and she proves time and time again that she can’t separate lust and love. maybe it wont end in disaster? maybe it’ll provide just the right muse.

almost lover. -- they probably had a thing at one point and she got too attached, they broke her heart, and she just can’t let it go.

#malnatiintro #malnatiooc #malnatism

[richtea-biscuit]

Thank you @a-fritterer for tagging me. Prepare for a lot of answers in the negative

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

It was my mum so I’m confident that she did

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

No, 18 is slightly on the young side. Plus, I had to deal with many of them at uni last year and it made me realise what a difference 3 years can make

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Probably never, if I’m going to have mixed feelings about something, it’s not going to be that mix

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I do if I accidentally make eye-contact just to be polite

5. Is there someone who’s mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I’m not dating anyone so no

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Yes, a song my grandad loved came on shuffle

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

Gryffindor pyjamas

8. How often do you listen to music?

All day, every day

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?

Wow, you can really tell the age of this game. In hindsight, I would say my life has changed, I feel like I know myself much better which has made me a lot happier. Even when life isn’t going great, at least I know who I am and no longer feel lost in my own body and mind

11. Are you a social or antisocial person?

I’m pretty social when I’m with people I know and like

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter “A”?

Yes, it’s not a pleasant memory though

13. What about “R”?

No

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Technically yes but not legally

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Yes, I’m pretty paranoid about that. It’s turned me into a chronic people pleaser

16. Are you going out of town soon?

No

17. When was the last time you cried?

Whenever I watched series 2 of Derry Girls. The last episode made me cry, no shame

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Platonically, lots. I tell my friends and family I love them all the time. Romantically, that person whose name begins with A and there are regrets

19. If you could change your eye colour, would you?

No, my eyes are the only thing I’m happy with

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Jeon Jungkook lol

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having

I feel like it’s been a day of Procrastination because I’m so tired-out from my mum’s birthday party yesterday

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

I like the thought of it. And I love it in fanfic, it makes me soft

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

No

24. What are you sitting on right now?

My bed

25. Does anyone regularly tell you they love you (other than family)?

@penicillinjimin tells me at least semi-regularly

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

No

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My nan

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Yes, RIP me every winter

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

I want to say Primark but I don’t know

30. Does anyone hate you?

Probably

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I can drink legally, I do34n’t need to be hiding it

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

I can take it or leave it

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Honestly, the thought gives me the ick

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

If I had to, the year of the “A” but I don’t really want to. I think I wouldn’t be the person I am now if I deleted it, and for the worse because that was the start of a very long journey of realising I was asexual. I think that about all my experiences, good and bad, they shaped the person I am today

35. Did you have a dream last night?

No

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

My mum yesterday

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

And not push away and guy that pays attention to me out of fear? lol

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Not anymore they don’t, I made sure of that

39. Do you think someone is thinking of you right now?

The person reading this? Am I funny yet?

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Yes

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

No

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

No

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

No

44. What’s the best part about school?

I loved learning but I didn’t like the other children

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Other than my profile picture, they’re all about 5 years old because I hide from cameras

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Do people actually do that?

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

I try to surpress it

48. Were you single over the last summer?

I’m the hopeless romantic that’s forever alone

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Not really

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Whatever I feel like

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

No, I don’t waste my time like that. I waste it in infinite other ways instead

52. Are you nice to everyone?

Even when I don’t want to be. I just can’t be rude

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Friend-wise, yes

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Definitely yes. Even if I weren’t asexual, it would be yes. I absolutely despise cheating. My friend cheated on her boyfriend once and we had a massive row about it because she didn’t like that I wasn’t on her side

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yes, I cover them up with other feelings. It’s my special skill

56. Do you think you like someone?

It’s very hard for me to tell. It requires a 10-page thesis for me to work these things out. Not that it really matters because like I said, I get scared and turn into a bitch to push people away

57. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with a “J”?

Yes - spin the bottle. I got dragged into it

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Boys. I think that’s more because it’s what I’m used to from when I was at school

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Yes

60. Do you hate anyone?

No, I get fairly apathetic

61. How’s your heart?

I’ll ask it. “Hey heart, how you doing?” It says da-dum

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Yes

63. Have you ever cried over a guy

Yes, I was an idiot.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Nobody I can think of

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

No

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

I hope not

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry, correct?

I feel like “love” is the wrong word. Boys should be encouraged to show their emotions though, crying is good for you

68. Have your trousers even fallen down in public?

No

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My mum when we were in proper lockdown

70. How do you look right now?

A face only a mother could love. It’s bedtime so there’s no make-up and my hair’s a mess

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

No

72. Can you commit to one person?

Yes

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

No

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

Yes

75. Did you wake up cranky?

No

76. Are you a jealous person?

Yes, I try to keep a check on it though

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

I like tot think that they are, but maybe fiction has given me an idealistic view point

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

No

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

My friends

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Brush my teeth

81. Last person you cried in front of?

I actually don’t remember

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

Many

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

Yes, Jungkook is my man and he is protective of all ARMY (I’m joking, don’t worry I’m not crazy. Just spicing my answers up)

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

85. Are you over your past?

Is anyone ever? Like I said before, I think it’s all important to who I am now so I keep key elements of it fresh in my mind as reminders to not make the same mistakes and let myself get hurt like that again

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Yes

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

No

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

I don’t know about “true love” but if the person I thought I loved came to my door, I would tell them to fuck off

89. The last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM, do you let them in?

It’d probably be an emergency and we’re not on bad terms as such so yeah

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

No, they hating came later

91. Will you be in a relationship in two months?

I highly doubt it

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

My mum’s friend

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

No

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

I was emotionally invested in my relationship with the Jungkook photocard I had on the wall next to my bed. It was at head height when I sat down so when I was going through tough times, I would talk to it so I didn’t feel so lonely. It was an amazing listener lol. And it’s answer was always “love yourself” and I’d say “You’re right as always. Thanks Kookie” (I swear I’m not crazy)

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in march?

Same as January

96. Is the last person you texted attractive?

Objectively speaking I think @penicillinjimin is very pretty. I don’t find her attractive but that’s nothing personal

97. Who do you have texts from?

Domino’s (with discount codes, it’s true love)

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Ok?

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

No

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

It’s just me

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

No, fireworks are there to be seen guys

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

Yes

Tagging whoever wants to do it

#my hands hurt from all this typing #how did this take me an hour? #tag games #I enjoyed it though