#comments along these lines are what kept me attempting to write even when things were at their worst

[wheresarizona]

Learning to Live Part 30

summary: Sunday—it’s Javier’s 40th birthday, and you have some sexy surprises planned for when you get home from dinner. Monday—you’re back at work after your lovely vacation, and it’s time to bite the bullet and tell your disapproving family that you’re getting married. You can probably guess how well that goes over…

rating: E (18+! A good chunk of this is about birthday sex. No y/n, alternating POV, age gap (around ten years), unprotected p in v (wrap it up), creampie, oral sex (m & f receiving), 69, face sitting, butt plugs (f), anal play (f receiving), double penetration, breeding kink, lingerie, nude photos, dirty talk, praise kink, spanking, spit mention, waxing poetic about Javier’s dick, getting KO’d from orgasms, banter, domestic fluff, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, death of a parent/grief, dysfunctional family, arguing, period typical sexism, spoiling Javier for his birthday, nurse stories (humorous), Javier being the little spoon, discussion about eating habits, Javier making you post-sex food, a special guest makes an appearance)

pairing: Javier Peña/f!reader (reader is a nurse with no physical descriptions)

word count: 16.8k (Why am I like this?)

a/n: This chapter was supposed to be solely about birthday sex, but something happened, I’m not sure what, and somehow there’s a lot of plot in it now? I apologize. I am at the mercy of the characters. I hope you enjoy! Thank you to the love of my life @juletheghoul, for betaing! You’re incredible.

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs feed me. I’d love to know what you thought!

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There was a game Javier liked to play when you went out to eat with people and were seated next to one another. It was kind of like Chicken, where two cars drive toward each other, and one of them has to swerve, or else they’ll crash—basically, it was a test to see how ballsy you were and how much of a risk you were willing to take to come out as the victor. In Javi’s version, it involved his hand under the table on your knee that would slowly creep up your thigh and under your dress, if you were wearing one, or along your pant-covered leg to try and make it to his goal nestled between your thighs—it was up to you to determine how far he’d get. Were you going to chicken out and stop his movements? Or were you going to be ballsy and let him get to the finish line? Honestly, it depended on how you were feeling and who you were with because it was really distracting when he rubbed your pussy in the middle of trying to have a conversation with someone. Still, the game was a lot of fun, and sometimes you liked to mess with him by letting him get almost all the way to his prize before you denied him, just to keep him on his toes.

Another thing was that there wasn’t always one round. Sometimes, he’d wait a bit and try his luck, again and again, to see how many attempts it’d take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of your Tootsie Pop—unless you told him to stop, then his hand would make itself at home, holding your thigh.

Tonight was Javi's 40th birthday, and you'd gone out to dinner with his father. Usually, on such a special day—and the fact you were always horny for him—you'd allow his palm to reach its destination. This evening, however, you had stopped all of his attempts and wouldn't let him get very far since you didn't want to ruin the surprise that was hiding under your dress—and your fiancé was very, very curious about what your undergarment situation was, getting to the point you kept his hand still between your closed thighs until it was time to leave.

The meal and catching up with Chucho had been wonderful—hanging out with your soon-to-be father-in-law was always a great time.

On the morning that you called the older man to tell him about your engagement, you laughed when he said he'd have something put in writing about his promises that he'd love you both living with him and wouldn't mind if there was a newborn there, too. You were well aware of his eagerness to have grandchildren and bet Javi twenty dollars his dad was going to show up today with legal documents on the matter, and you'd been right—he had a large manila envelope with an agreement he had his lawyer put together inside for you. Once dinner was done, you found out that wasn't all he brought; Chucho presented Javi with a Tupperware container filled with a big slice of tres leches cake his tía María made from his mother’s recipe. As he ate, his dad quietly serenaded him with a song called “Las Mañanitas,” much to his chagrin, the first part being:

“Estas son las mañanitas, que cantaba el Rey David, (This is the morning song that King David sang), Hoy por ser día de tu santo, te las cantamos a ti, (Because today is your saint’s day, we’re singing it for you), Despierta, mi Javi, despierta, mira que ya amaneció, (Wake up, mi Javi, wake up, look it is already dawn), Ya los pajarillos cantan, la luna ya se metió, (The birds are already singing, and the moon has set).”

There was a promise between the three of you that the restaurant staff wouldn’t be alerted that it was Javier’s birthday in order to avoid the employees bringing attention to him and singing; he didn’t, however, put any restrictions on his father or you singing to him, and Chucho was happily exploiting that loophole while his son grumpily devoured his cake he shared with you.

Javi wasn’t actually annoyed with his dad—he had the Tupperware practically licked clean by the time you were ready to go, and before you left, he gave his dad a big hug and whispered his thanks for having the cake made since it was something his mother always baked for their birthdays.

The big 4-0 was a milestone that usually involved a celebration, but your fiancé had declined his father and three tías offers to throw him a party and told everyone he didn’t want any gifts—he was determined not to make it a big deal, and only desired to have dinner with you and Chucho; the tres leches cake was a wonderful surprise, and definitely appreciated, though.

All of that brings you to where you were currently—sitting beside Javi on the bench seat of his truck as he drove you home. He’d pulled up your dress to bare your knee, resting his hand on it, and you were wondering when he would give his game another go; you knew him and that there was no way he’d be able to resist trying again, now that you were alone.

"Did you enjoy your birthday?" you asked, doing your best to keep your squirming to a minimum as you tried to find a comfortable position.

"Yeah," he answered, glancing at you with a smile. "I loved spending the day with you, seeing my mom—" You stopped by the cemetery on your way to dinner to tell her about your engagement. "—and going to dinner with Pop. Today was nice."

You hugged his arm. "I'm happy you had a good day, even though a certain someone—" Lorraine. "—tried to ruin it. Do you think she'll listen and leave us alone?" There'd been an altercation with her on your walk to the restaurant, and Javi finally had his chance to give her a piece of his mind and threaten her and her family with restraining orders if they didn't stop bothering you.

His eyes were back on the road, a frown replacing his smile.

"Maybe? She's been dead set on making my life difficult since I left her, and I don't know if she'll be able to give up."

"Guess we'll just have to see." A change in subject was needed. "Sooo, do you have any requests for tonight?"

His fingers stroked the inside of your knee.

"What do you mean?"

He started slowly moving his hand along your thigh, your palm resting on his jean-covered leg.

"You know exactly what I mean. It's your birthday, so you get anything you want."

He turned his head your way for a few seconds.

“I thought you had tonight planned.”

"I do." You nodded. "But you're the birthday boy, and I wanna make sure to include any specific desires you may have for this evening."

His focus went to what was in front of him, his fingers skating up your inner thigh and under your dress.

"Hmmm," he hummed. "I know you don't want to spoil tonight, but will I get to eat your pussy?"

"If you want to, sure."

"Are you gonna suck my dick?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Will I get to come inside you?"

There was a pause for a moment as you figured out how to respond. "...yes?"

He looked over at you with a curious expression. "That's... interesting. With how you answered, I'll be coming inside you, but not where I imagined…"

You frowned. "Javier, it is your birthday, and I won't have you ruining my surprises by you going all Detective Peña on me." To end the sentence, you squeezed your thighs shut to trap his hand and keep it from moving any further.

Your reaction made him pout and turn his attention back to the road.

"Fine," he said. "I won't think about it." He sighed. "I know you're not wearing panties. I won't be ruining any surprises if you let me touch you."

"Sure, but I want you to wait until we get home so you can undress me."

"Okay."

You rubbed his arm with your free hand. "Patience, baby—you're gonna have a great time."

His eyes met yours, and he smiled. "I know, mi amor (my love), and I'm fucking excited." He moved his hand out from between your legs to grab your smaller one on his thigh, pressing your palm against where he was half-hard beneath his jeans.

"You are excited,” you purred, rubbing him over his pants. “Better get you nice and hard before we get home.”

“With what I’m hoping will happen tonight? That won’t be an issue, Cielito.”

Once you arrived at your shared apartment, you hung up the jean jacket you were wearing, setting your purse onto the console table near the front door, Javi emptying his pockets into the large bowl on top of it. Both of you kicked off your shoes, and your fiancé laid his folded sports coat over the back of the couch before he was on you, his lips hungrily colliding with yours in a searing kiss—one of his arms went around you to pull you flush against him, his other hand cradling the back of your head, making you moan when he eagerly licked into your mouth.

His kisses were sweet from the cake, tasting it on his tongue, arousal burning hot in your abdomen. He had your toes curling and skin vibrating, wanting him so bad, and he seemed to want you just as much when he turned and walked you toward your room with your lips fused together.

Anticipation was swelling inside you, butterflies going wild in your tummy at hoping Javi really did enjoy what you had in store for him.

As your feet moved, your hands worked open the buttons on his shirt, rubbing your palms up the warm skin of his torso once it was bared, feeling the soft give of his belly to his muscular chest—moving higher along his neck, cupping his cheeks, then pressing your fingers into his soft hair.

The moment you stepped into your room, he unzipped the back of your dress and moved you a little further inside to have you at the end of your big, king-sized bed. Javi broke the kiss, shrugging off his shirt that fell to the floor, his hungry gaze focusing on your chest—he was careful when he took the red, satiny shoulder straps into his hands, and pulled the dress down and off your arms, revealing your bosom, and letting gravity take the rest of it to the ground, where it pooled around your feet.

“Fuck,” he breathed. Javi was unable to stop himself; it was as if there was some kind of magnetic pull that had his hand reaching to palm your lace-covered breast. His eyes had darkened, the front of his jeans bulging where he was straining against the zipper. "This is what you've been hiding all night?" he asked, his free palm massaging your other tit.

His reaction made you feel good about your choice of lingerie.

The red teddy covered most of your breasts and down your ribs in sheer lace with laces crisscrossing from one side to the other on the front and back to keep the pieces together; the best part about it, and what you knew was Javi’s favorite part, was the fact nothing was covering your crotch or ass—it was put on like a one-piece swimsuit, your legs going through two thin straps, with the rest of the bottom completely bare.

There was a similar teddy you owned in a pretty plum color that covered more of your skin in lace.

"Yes," you answered. "Do you like it?"

His gaze met yours, and he stepped into your space, his big hands going around to grab your bare backside.

He was smirking with his eyebrow raised. "Do I like it?" he rasped. Javi squeezed your ass. "You know I fucking love it, mi amor (my love)." His lips met yours, kissing you quickly before he ended it with a playful nip to your bottom lip, pulling his head back to look at you. "You're so fucking sexy—Christ, I want you so fucking bad."

Your hands slid up his chest to caress his cheeks, smiling at him.

"I have another surprise for you..." you said.

His eyes rounded. "There's more?" he asked.

You booped him on the nose with your finger. "Yep," you answered. "You're getting spoiled tonight."

"You don't need to spoil me."

"Um, yes, I do. It's your special day. Plus, you spoiled me on my birthday by letting me tie you up and edge you—this is me making sure your night is just as wonderful." You poked him over his pec.

He grabbed your hand, bringing it up to kiss your knuckles as he smiled. "Happy fucking birthday to me."

"Yes, now, pants off, mister,” you ordered. “I don't want you coming in them." The sentence was punctuated with a wink.

What you said made him chuckle. "Yes, ma'am."

Stepping back from him, his hands went to the front of his jeans to quickly get them off. His belt clinked as he worked it open, hearing the teeth separate when he undid his zipper, the pants getting shoved down his legs, Javi having to do the awkward dance of lifting each foot to tug them off, along with his socks.

Once he was completely naked, he closed the distance between you, his big palms holding your face when he crushed his mouth to yours, kissing you hard. You snaked your hand down into the tight space your bodies had created to grab his throbbing cock, the skin velvety soft and hot to the touch, making him moan into the kiss. His hips bucked forward in your grip while you slowly pumped him. His hand massaged your breast and tweaked your nipple through the lace, his other palm tracing along your jawbone, the shell of your ear, and down to your neck, he gently held as you kissed, leaving a trail of fire under your skin.

"Let me show you your surprise," you murmured against his lips.

"'Mmkay," he said and didn't stop kissing you.

It was up to you to break away from him, Javi chasing your mouth when you did, making you grin and press your hand to his chest to softly push him back—his eyes were closed, his lips turned up in a smile, looking so unbelievably happy.

"Adorable," you whispered.

His chest was slightly heaving from his heavy breaths, his lips red and shining from saliva.

"Open those pretty brown eyes, babe,” you told him. “It’s time for your surprise." They blinked open, and he grabbed your waist.

"What is it?" he asked, his head dipping to kiss along the column of your throat. You took one of his hands and slid it behind you over your ass to between your cheeks.

His breath caught in his throat, his face popping up to meet your eyes with a look of surprise.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped. “Is that…?”

His reaction made you grin even bigger. “A very cute butt plug? Yes, it is.”

The plug was made out of smooth pink-colored glass with a tapered tip and bulbous body, the slender neck making it easy for your tight muscles to wrap around it and hold it in place, the flared base covering your hole shaped into a daisy flower.

As you said, it was very cute and filled you nicely—any time you moved, it had a tingle dancing up your spine, fueling the arousal sparking in your tummy.

His fingers were mapping out the flower, gliding over the petals, his gaze locking onto yours, seeing his cheeks had a lovely pink tint.

"Does this mean what I think it means…?" he asked with hope gleaming in those big, gorgeous brown eyes of his.

"That you can fuck my ass? Yes." You nodded. "I figured the toy would save us some time stretching me out."

He looked beyond delighted. "I am so fucking hard right now—how long have you been wearing it?"

"Since I excused myself at dinner to use the ladies' room—spoiler, I was in there getting this inside me; I brought lube and everything."

He was smiling. "My dirty fucking girl." His hand, not on your ass, came up to cup your cheek. "You kept adjusting in your seat when you got back, I thought you were horny—it's why I kept trying to touch your pussy—confused the fuck out of me that you wouldn't let me."

"I didn't want you to discover the lingerie or accidentally feel the plug."

"I get that now—can I see it?"

"Of course." You kissed him quickly and took a few steps to crawl up onto the bed, your hands and knees sinking into the mattress as you got onto all fours to present your ass to him. Seconds later, his warm palms were grabbing your asscheeks, spreading them.

You looked over your shoulder, and his eyes were glued to your backside.

"It’s so fucking pretty," he mused, rubbing a thumb over the base. “Can I take a picture?”

“Need it for your spank bank collection?”

In his bedside table was a stack of your nude Polaroids he liked to jack off to when the need very rarely arose.

His gaze lifted to yours with a smile. “Yeah, I do.”

“Then go for it.”

He walked away from you to grab the Polaroid camera off his dresser, returning seconds later. One of his hands pushed aside a plump cheek to give him a better visual.

“I fucking love this,” he murmured. The camera flashed, then whirred as it ejected the photo, Javi setting both out of the way on the bed. He was back behind you, staring at what he’d just photographed. “Am I allowed to touch it?” he asked.

"It's your birthday—you get to do whatever the fuck you want to me; mi cuerpo es tu cuerpo (my body is your body)."

He looked you in the eyes.

"I love you so much. I don't know how I got so fucking lucky—you're perfect."

"You're perfect."

His thumb circled around the edges of the glass flower, making you moan when he experimented by pulling it out a little and pushing it back in, loving the stretch—he did it again and again, and, again, Javi leaning his head down to spit on your pussy, the fingers of his other hand spreading it through your slit to rub your clit.

There was no way to stop your gasping moans as the toy was fucking in and out of your tight hole at the same time his hand strummed your bundle of sensitive nerves like a virtuoso—the sensations had your eyes rolling back in your head, the muscles in your abdomen starting to tighten as he built you up, higher and higher.

You had to face forward, your arms giving out, and crossing in front of you to rest your head on them—this was going to end quickly with how fucking good it felt, and you weren’t surprised when your orgasm hit, pleasure washing over you with a loud cry of his name.

Your breaths were ragged, sweat beginning to form on your skin.

“My good girl,” Javi purred. Both of his hands suddenly stopped, and a palm smacked the side of your ass, the sharp sting making you gasp.

"I need to eat your pussy," his voice was deeper and huskier.

Your entire body flattened onto the bed, and you turned on your side to look at him. The words came out hoarse, "How do you want me?"

"We can do anything I want...?" he asked. "Is there, uh, anything you're not in the mood for?"

Your eyebrow lifted. "Aside from my regular things I'm not into, nope—I'm down for whatever you want. What do you have in mind?"

He smirked. "You sitting on my face?"

You smiled. "Of course, you'd wanna drown in my pussy on your birthday."

"Yeah, and, uh—" He scratched at the back of his neck. "—would you wanna suck me off while I did it...?"

With how much you guys fucked, you were pretty sure Javi had put you in every position imaginable, but this request was new. Sitting on his face was something you’d done many times, but adding in having you blow him at the same time had your cunt clenching hard around nothing.

"Um, yes," you answered, nodding your head. "That is definitely something I want to do. Get your cute little ass on this bed and get comfy." You patted the bedding beside you. "I wanna take that perfect mustache for a ride."

Javi chuckled as he got onto the mattress and moved up it to flop over on his back, resting his head on a pillow he fluffed to get cozy. His hard dick was lying against his belly, the tip glossy with precum and dripping into the happy trail of hair on his stomach.

It took him a second to get settled before he tapped his chest, his eyes heavy-lidded and crookedly smiling.

“Get up here, baby—this mustache isn’t gonna ride itself.”

You snorted and started to crawl his way.

"Dork," you said.

"One you love."

"That I do.”

When you got to his side, you swung yourself around to face his feet, getting your leg over his torso to straddle him. Javi gripped your thighs and pulled you back to have your wet pussy hovering over his face, two of his fingers spreading open the lips of your sex.

"So fucking pretty," he murmured. He inhaled deeply. "You smell so good, too."

His cock was in front of you, and you held yourself up with one arm to wrap the fingers of your other hand around his length.

"In case I haven't said it lately," you started, languidly stroking him, "you literally have the prettiest dick I've ever seen.”

It was true.

He did have the prettiest dick you've ever laid your eyes on—at full mast, he was just shy of eight inches, cut, not too thin, but not too girthy, either; it was just the right size that when he was inside you, there was a nice stretch and perfect fullness. On the underside of his shaft, two throbbing veins were crawling up the sides and another along the top you liked to trace with your tongue; licking around the velvety soft ridge at the tip and over his frenulum was a surefire way to drive him crazy and get him to make absolutely delicious noises, and when he was coming, you could feel him get bigger and jerk in your mouth, hand, or cunt. If you were looking, you could see his balls draw up and his cock pulse as he unloaded spurts and spurts of his come.

It was truly a work of art.

“And being in a medical profession,” you continued, “I’ve seen a lot of dicks—95% I wish I hadn't seen."

He snorted. "Thank you—you have the prettiest pussy I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of pussy."

"The prettiest pussy?" You didn't mean to sound so surprised. "Really?"

"Oh yeah, the prettiest and the fucking tastiest."

It was evident Javi was done with the conversation by how he tugged your hips down onto his face and began feasting—which was an apt descriptor for how he eagerly dove in and the groans he made that sounded like he was eating the best meal of his entire life.

He licked through your wetness and over the lips of your cunt to get every last drop of your arousal he could find on his tongue; it felt so amazing you forgot for a minute you were supposed to be sucking him off. Gripping him at the base, you took him into your mouth, your head bobbing as you sucked down more and more of him until he was hitting the back of your throat.

His lips wrapped around your perky little clit, and when he sucked, it was like having lightning shock through you from the pleasure, your loud moan muffled by his cock in your mouth—it was hard to concentrate, and you put what little attention you had on the tip of him, licking along the sensitive ridge, pumping the rest of his spit-slick shaft with your palm that twitched, and loving how it made Javi whine.

He tasted salty from the steady leak of precum and clean, the scent of his skin smelling like the body wash he used in the shower. The lingering note coming through was Eucalyptus—woodsy, fresh, minty.

It was embarrassing that you were struggling to give him a basic blow job, doing your best not to get overwhelmed by his determined mouth trying to take you apart piece by piece as he licked, sucked, and tongue fucked you with abandon.

Fire was burning in your tummy and getting hotter with every second that passed. His dick was sliding along your palate to kiss the back of your throat, and you almost choked when he pulled and pushed on the toy in your ass.

It was skating the line of too much, how the plug was moving a little out to stretch your hole and being shoved back in to fill you again—thinking was hard, and you had to come off of him, unable to keep from moaning or stop your limbs from trembling.

“Oh, god,” you whined. “Oh, fuck.”

With how intense it felt, there was no way you could focus on sucking him off. What you could do was continue stroking his length, your hand gliding easily up and down while you were rocketing toward your end from him fucking you with the toy and sucking your clit. Your hips were moving of their own accord, rocking back to help fuck yourself and grind against his mouth.

Sixty-nining sounded fun in theory. The problem you ran into was your fiancé was relentless in wanting to make you come as hard as humanly possible, which made it practically impossible for you to do your part—it was too distracting. The pleasure had consumed all of your thoughts, and you could barely function.

The coil was winding inside you, getting tighter and tighter until it snapped, and euphoria was exploding from your center with a cry of his name, feeling your orgasm throughout your entire body from the tips of your fingers to your toes. Immediately, he shoved his tongue inside your fluttering hole to lick up your release, refusing to let a single drop of your come go to waste, and you could feel and hear his moans as you experienced the aftershocks of your climax.

With how hard you came, your hand paused on him, your upper body dropping, resting your head on his thigh to catch your breath and ride out your high.

Javi stopped behind you, lifting you from his face and inhaling deeply, taking big gasps of air.

"You okay?" his voice was rough.

"Mhmm," you hummed, speaking seeming too hard.

"You need a minute?"

"Mhmm."

"Let go of my dick."

You did as he asked and squeaked in surprise when he pushed you over to fall to the bed on your side.

"Sorry," he said. The mattress jostled, and pained grunts sounded from him, finding yourself seconds later getting wrapped up in his arms with your head on his chest.

“Did it feel good?” he asked and kissed your hair.

“Mhmm.”

“You come so quick with stuff in your ass.”

You smiled, finally finding your words. “You also come quick with stuff in your ass.”

“Yeah, I do—do you want me to fuck you while you’re wearing it?”

“Do you want to fuck me while I’m wearing it?”

“I wanna see how tight it makes you.”

“Uh-huh, and you wanna come in my pussy because you are on a mission to knock me up, and you would hate missing a chance.”

“That’s not all—it helps me last when I fuck your ass.”

“That’s true. It’s basically a medicinal cream pie. You know, earlier this year, they came out with a pill to help men keep it up, and we had a guy come into the ER who’d taken one—which, just so you’re aware,” you sidetracked, “if you have an erection lasting more than four hours, you need to seek medical help, and this dude was at almost six hours with a raging boner.”

He was frowning. “Did it go down on its own…?”

“Nope. A doctor had to use a syringe to remove some of the blood.”

"Jesus Christ, just thinking about that makes my dick hurt."

"Sorry." You rubbed your hand over his pec. "Let's talk about something else."

"Where'd you get the toy?"

A reasonable question, seeing as the closest sex shop was hours away in the big city.

"Okay, remember last month when you, me, Robyn, and Seb—" Sebastián, or Seb, was Robyn's boyfriend and Javi's cousin. "—spent that weekend in San Antonio, and you guys let us have our girls-only spa day while you and Seb went to see that movie about corrupt NSA agents that annoyed the fuck out of you because they got a lot of the government shit wrong, which you explained in excruciating detail to Seb at a bar afterward? Well, after the spa, she took me to a sex shop, and we bought some stuff."

"If you’re gonna make a movie about a government agency, you should do the fucking research,” he grumbled. His tone changed to intrigue, “What else did you buy…?"

"Some flavored lube and fluffy handcuffs. I was super picky about the kind of plug I wanted because you’d be surprised how many people come into the hospital with things stuck in their asses.” A memory made you snort. “Oh my god, so one time, this man came in with probably twenty or so of those bigger marbles? You know, the ones that are about double the size of a regular one? Lodged up his butt. When he was asked how they got stuck in there, he told everyone he was at home, standing on a step ladder, cleaning the cobwebs from the ceiling when he accidentally fell off and onto a container of them—this man stood by his story that instead of the marbles scattering everywhere when he fell on them, they magically made their way inside him.”

“What the fuck?” Javi said in disbelief. “He really thought people would believe he was cleaning without pants on, fell, and marbles just went up his ass? That makes zero fucking sense.”

“People come up with the stupidest lies when they’re embarrassed.”

“Like when you told the hotel staff we were checking out early because my nephew was viciously attacked by a duck?”

“You’re a jerk.” You pinched his nipple, making him flinch and laugh. “You’re just never going to let me live that down, huh?”

He grabbed your hand to kiss your palm. “No—you’re a terrible liar.”

“Rude.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” He kissed each of your fingers. “Did you buy anything else at the shop?”

“No, because I wanna go there with you to pick out things we’d enjoy."

He perked up, immediately responding, "We could go next weekend?"

"Shopping the weekend before Christmas? That would be a special kind of hell. Sorry, babe, we'll have to wait till next month." You got your hand free of him and patted his chest.

He let out a long, disappointed sigh. "Fine."

Things needed to get back to being horny, so you threw your leg over his waist and moved to sit on top of him with your knees bracketing his hips. His cock was wet from saliva and hard beneath you, and you leaned forward to kiss him, holding yourself up with your arms on either side of his head—this wasn't a peck on the lips or something chaste; this was a kiss that told him you wanted him. The kind of kiss that had his big hands grabbing onto your behind and groaning into your mouth. A kiss where things quickly heated up, and he was helping you grind your wet cunt over his dick, coating it in your slick. A kiss that turned into desperation for him to be inside you.

“Mmm, need lube,” you said into his lips. Sitting up, you leaned to get under the large, folded, black towel near the edge of the bed to grab the small bottle. You popped the cap, pouring a little bit into your palm before closing it and letting it fall onto the mattress beside you.

“With how huge your dick is,” you started as you lifted your hips up. “There’s no way in hell you’re gonna fit without some help.” Javi’s mouth fell open when you grabbed his cock under you, getting it nice and slick with the strokes of your hand.

His throat bobbed, swallowing. “Good call.” With how his eyes widened for a split second, you knew an idea had come to him. He grabbed your thighs. “Wait,” he said.

Your hand paused. “What’s up?”

“I wanna change positions.”

That had your eyebrows lifting in interest. “Oh?”

He was crookedly smiling. “Hands and knees, baby,” he replied, with a light slap to your hip.

“Oh, hell yeah.” You’d finished lubing him up and quickly moved onto the bed next to him, getting into the position he requested, your hands and slightly spread knees sinking into the mattress. Javi groaned when he flipped over and rose up onto his knees, the bedsprings complaining as he shuffled around to get behind you.

The smartest decision you made when you moved in together was upgrading to a king-sized bed—there was so much room for sexy activities.

Bending forward, he reached to grab the camera and set it in a place where it was easily accessible but not in the way.

He slid his dick through your drenched folds, notching himself at your entrance, his other hand holding your hip.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he said. “Okay?”

Looking over your shoulder, you met his eyes that were more black than brown. “Yes,” you answered.

He smiled. “Good girl—ready?”

“Yes, Papí.”

“Fuck,” he groaned, his eyes closing for a moment. He looked at you again. “Me vas a matar (You’re going to kill me).”

“If by kill, you mean la petite mort, then yeah, handsome, I’m gonna make you come so hard.” You winked. “Now, stick it in.” You pressed back the tiniest bit to have the tip of him starting to enter you.

“And you call me bossy when I’m horny,” he mumbled.

There wasn’t a chance to respond since moans sounded from the both of you as he slowly started sinking into you, taking his time to let your body adjust to being stuffed with each glorious inch of him until he was buried all the way to the root inside of you.

Full didn’t accurately describe how you felt with the plug in your ass pressing against his thick cock—you were beyond full. You honestly couldn’t believe he was able to fit; you couldn’t believe you were able to take him. It was so overwhelming, it had you whimpering, squeezing your eyes shut.

Javi’s voice came out strained, “Are you okay?”

There was no way you could hold yourself up on your arms with it requiring too much concentration, so you let your upper body fall to the bed, cradling your head with your limbs.

“Yes,” the word was said on a breath.

All of the nerves in your body were aflame, feeling like static was thrumming under your skin. You were okay—you just needed a minute to get used to having both of your holes filled at the same time.

“Okay, baby.” He rubbed a comforting hand along the line of your spine. “Tell me when you want me to move.”

He picked up the Polaroid camera.

“Definitely gonna jerk off to this,” he murmured, and you heard the camera snap the picture and the gears whir to spit it out—he’d taken a photo of himself inside of you while you wore the plug.

The camera and picture were set aside.

There was a question you couldn’t stop yourself from asking. “Am I tighter?”

He huffed out a breath. “Feels like you’re choking my dick with that toy in your ass—so, yeah, you’re tighter. You’ll probably cut off the circulation when I make you come, and you squeeze around me.”

Even though it was a struggle to think of anything other than the fullness, he made you worry. “Are you uncomfortable?” you asked. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable…”

“Mi amor.” He bent over your back to kiss the hair behind your ear, speaking softly, “I’m okay—I like how it feels. I’m really fucking worried I’m gonna come too fast.”

That made you feel better.

After an ample amount of time had passed for you to get used to everything, you said, “Move.”

He nipped at the shell of your ear, grunting as he straightened. He gripped your asscheeks and slowly dragged his cock halfway out of your sopping cunt before thrusting back in, stealing your breath. His pace started out languid to allow you to adapt to the feeling of him moving inside you, rough sounds rumbling from his chest, his fingers tightening on your flesh.

The plug made it easier for him to rub against all those spots that made fireworks dance behind your eyelids. Sweat glistened on your skin, the pleasure making you dizzy, and even though it had only just begun, you were already on the cusp of falling over the edge—intense was an understatement for how you felt. The heat was growing deep inside you, deeper than it usually did, the muscles in your tummy constricting.

His hips were slowly fucking into you, Javi grunting, and it was like nothing you had felt before—feeling so full and falling apart with every thrust.

“Oh, god, Javi,” you whined. “I’m gonna come. You’re gonna make me come.”

With how he spoke through clenched teeth, you knew he was fighting for his life not to finish so soon, “Come for me, baby.” He smacked your ass, the pleasurable sting making you clench and his rhythm stutter. “Shit,” he gasped. “You’re so fucking tight—it feels so good.”

It was wet and sticky where you were joined, Javi coaxing wave after wave of arousal from your pussy that soaked his cock and dripped down to coat his balls—his thrusts were loud, squelching sounding every time he pushed in. Moans were escaping your lips while deeper noises ripped from his chest.

Javier wasn’t a tiny guy—just his cock made you feel full, and now you had it pressing into your sensitive walls against a rigid toy that turned up the sense of fullness to a ten and felt so fucking incredible that when he sped up his strokes, you were done for; pleasure erupted from deep in your depths that had your mouth opening in a silent scream and every muscle in your body pulling taut, hearing the man behind you let out a strangled groan as he suddenly stopped moving.

No thoughts could form in your brain, your chest rising and falling hard, your pussy pulsing as you rode out the high. Your ears rang, and you were too out of it to make out what Javi was saying, him sounding like the adults in a Peanuts film; a muted trombone going, ”Wah wah wah.”

A body pressed against your back, feeling hot breaths on your ear.

“Cielito?” he whispered.

“Mhmm?” you hummed.

“You okay, mi amor?”

“Mhmm,” you answered and gave him a thumbs up.

“Do you want me to keep going?”

The words slurred from your mouth, “Yes, please. I want you to come.”

“Okay. If it gets to be too much, tell me.” He kissed your hair, a pained sound leaving him as he moved up on his knees again.

Each time you’d done anal in the past, he’d made you come so many times you ended up passing out afterward. This time, though, the orgasms had been much stronger, and it was already hard to keep your eyes open—there was a chance if you had another, it was going to put you to sleep, and you knew Javi wouldn’t care, but you felt bad about possibly needing a little nap before he had a chance to fuck your ass.

“Javi?” you said.

“Yes, baby?” His palms slid along your sides from your waist to just below your ribs.

“I’m sorry if I fall asleep…”

He sounded confused. “Why are you apologizing for that…?”

“Because I know you’re super excited my ass is up for grabs tonight, and I feel bad I might have to make you wait while I take a little snooze.”

“Cielito, mi amor, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry, baby. I’m gonna tell you something that might surprise you.”

“What’s that?”

“Getting to fuck your pussy like this is better than fucking your ass.”

That surprised you so much that your eyes popped open, and you almost couldn’t believe him, except you knew he wasn’t lying since he was always truthful with you. Your knees were still under you with your butt up in the air, and Javi nestled all of the way inside you, your chest pressed to the mattress. You twisted your upper body to look back at him.

His forehead was shiny with sweat, his hair sticking wetly to it, a beautiful flush rising from his chest up to his cheeks, his darkened eyes meeting yours.

“Are you serious?” you asked.

His eyebrow arched. “Yeah? Why would I lie? Think about it—the plug makes your pussy so fucking tight, and I get to come in it.” He put it into plainer terms, “You’re tighter than hell, and I could knock you up.”

“Oh, you’re having the best time.”

He smiled. “I’m having the best fucking time.”

“You like the plug?”

“I love the plug. Do you like it?”

“Yeah, makes me come harder.”

“Then stop feeling bad.” He slapped your ass, and it made you tense, his mouth going slack and eyes closing at you clenching around his dick. “Jesus Christ,” he breathed, his throat worked as he swallowed hard. “It’s okay if you pass out,” he said. “I might pass out, too.”

He pulled himself almost all of the way out of your cunt, and pushed back in, the fullness making your head spin and pleasure simmer in your belly. He was definitely going to get you off again, and you no longer worried about what would happen when you did.

He was going to come, and it'd only been—he looked over at the red numbers of the alarm clock on the bedside table—eight fucking minutes since he first put his dick inside her, or more accurately, worked his dick inside her.

Javier knew it was going to be a tight fit, but what he hadn't expected was it feeling like when he pressed into her ass: the ring of muscle squeezing him hard as he fed himself into her. With the addition of the plug, there was the same tightness, yet it wasn't only at the opening; it extended further into her, massaging his cock with her hot, tight, velvety walls. He was balancing on a razor's edge to not blow his load, and her coming didn't help with how it made her pussy strangle his dick to the point it was toeing the line of being painful.

He was in heaven.

And when he made her come again, he knew she was going to take him with her.

He was rock hard, his heart thudding rapidly in his chest, and skin coated in a thin layer of sweat—Javier was wound up so tight, a ball of tension had formed in his gut that was threatening to burst; she said the toy made her come harder, and it looked like it was going to be the same for him.

His fingers dug into the soft skin on her hips, sliding himself in and out of her wet heat and having to take a big, calming breath, slowly letting it out to get himself under control and focus on not finishing so quickly.

Shifting his gaze down, he could see his cock covered in her juices, glimmering under the lights of the room before sheathing it back inside of her, and the pretty, pink glass flower covering her asshole. He was so sensitive from being close to losing it, the pressure from the toy's solid body and the warmth of her were driving him crazy and making him throb.

He increased the speed of his movements, gritting his teeth, her sounds spurring him on. He wanted to make her come once more, but he didn't have much time with the pleasure welling up in him and growing with every passing second.

His hand gripped her asscheek, his strokes not waning as the fingers of his other hand got ahold of the plug's flared base, pulling on it to stretch her hole until only the tip remained, and slipping it back in, doing that over and over again, and out of sync to his own thrusts.

The way she loudly moaned his name and stretched her arms out in front of her to clutch the bedding with her cheek to the mattress had him twitching inside of her, electricity shocking through his body. Her pussy was pulsating around him, her arousal seeping down his shaft to catch on his sack, and he knew she was close.

"You gonna give me one more, Cielito?" he grunted, continuing to fuck her with his dick and the toy. "Does it feel good getting both of your holes fucked?"

"Yes," she gasped. "Oh my fucking god, it feels so good, Javi." Her hands clenched the sheets, her body shaking. "You’re fucking me so good—marry me; put a baby in me." His rhythm faltered for a second at the stab of pleasure in his belly, and he groaned.

The muscles in his groin started contracting, his orgasm imminent, and he tried to hold it off. His hips moved faster, beads of perspiration dripping down his face and the small of his back.

"I will," he panted. "I'll marry you; I'll fuck a baby into you. I'll do anything you ask me to." His eyes were cinched tight, and he was so lost in her that his thoughts were flowing freely from his mouth. "Dime cuándo, y te haré mi esposa (Tell me when, and I'll make you my wife). En cualquier momento, soy tuyo (Any time, I'm yours). Siempre seré tuyo (I'll always be yours). Puedes tener mi apellido (You can have my last name). Seguiré intentándolo hasta que estés embarazada con nuestro bebé (I'll keep trying until you're pregnant with our baby). Serás la madre de mis hijos (You will be the mother of my children). I can't fucking wait—come for me," he ordered. "Give me one more, and my come is yours. I'll pump you full of it. I'll put a baby in you. Come for me," he all but begged.

That was it.

She gasped his name, her body going stiff, and cunt spasming, wringing out his own orgasm—his hips went flush to her ass, burying himself as deep as possible in her depths, the tightly wound ball in his belly snapping hard enough, he fell forward, blanketing her back. The sounds he made were guttural as pleasure seared through his entire being, his cock pulsing and pumping so many spurts of his come he thought it might never end.

His brain went blissfully blank, his body completely lax, his soul possibly leaving him for some seconds since everything went dark, and he couldn't think of a single thought.

When he came to, he was bone tired and on the verge of falling asleep. Thankfully, he had the presence of mind to bring her with him as he moved to lie on his side, her limbs trembling, and he knew she was sleeping when there was no reaction to him removing the toy from inside her; it was tossed onto the bed near them, and then he tugged on the duvet behind him to pull it over their bodies and hugged her close with one arm, pressing his nose into her hair to breathe in her comforting scent, the ring on the hand he was holding causing him to pass out while happily thinking about how pretty soon she’d be his wife.

Time passed as they slumbered, minutes turning into hours. They shifted in their sleep and he woke when the warmth of her front pressed along the line of his spine disappeared, the springs in the mattress softly squeaking as she moved to get off it with a whispered, "Sorry." He heard her walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

He threw the blanket off of him and got out of bed, not caring at all that he was naked as his bare feet took him to the kitchen, where he got two large cups of cold water.

When Cielito came back into the bedroom, she found him standing by the bed chugging one of the glasses, and she joined him to drink her own. He finished before her, setting his empty cup on the nearby bedside table and taking some steps to end up behind her, wrapping his arms around her lingerie-covered middle. His lips met the side of her neck, kissing up it to nibble on her ear.

She hummed in appreciation, resting her free hand on one of his arms. She swallowed her drink of water. "Did you have a good time, baby?" she asked.

He spoke softly in her ear, "Yes."

Her fingers slid along his arm.

"Good. Are you up for another round, or do you wanna shower, and we can cuddle on the couch and watch something?"

Truth be told, he was exhausted from how eventful the last four days had been, and he didn't think he had the energy to go again—he was drained, and his dick was starting to ache from using it so much in Miami.

"Shower and couch," he answered, kissing a spot behind her ear. Her hand came up to press her fingers into his hair, and it made him shiver.

"Sounds good. Let me finish my water, and then we can go get clean."

"Thank you for today." He was peppering kisses along her shoulder now.

"You're welcome, babe. I'm happy you enjoyed it."

"I loved it."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you, too—I love you so fucking much."

"Same."

Forty-five minutes later, they were clean and changed—Javier was wearing his grey sweatpants, and his future wife was in a faded, thinned, oversized purple t-shirt and her underwear. She was sitting on the kitchen counter beside him eating a grilled cheese while he made his own sandwich on the stove.

At dinner, he noticed she didn’t eat much, and when he quietly asked if she was feeling okay, she told him she was fine and just not very hungry, which turned out to be a dirty fucking lie with how her stomach loudly grumbled on their way to take a shower. So, the first thing he did after they were dressed was feed her; she tried to fight him that it was his birthday and she should be cooking for him, and he responded by telling her it was his birthday and he wanted to make her something to eat. She agreed to grilled cheese sandwiches, and he had to sit her ass on the counter and tell her not to move in order to keep her from trying to help him.

“This is the best grilled cheese I have ever had in my entire life,” she said around the food in her mouth.

He huffed out a breath, flipping the sandwich in the pan with a black plastic spatula. “You’re only saying that because you’re fucking starving,” he replied.

She swallowed. “Lies—it’s the world’s best. You could win awards for how good this is.” Half of her sandwich was already eaten, and she took another bite.

Javier set the plastic utensil onto the counter on his other side and stepped to have himself standing between her legs. He rubbed his palms up her bare thighs, kissing her forehead. “I’m glad you like the sandwich, Cielito,” he said, looking at her. “Do you want me to make you another?”

She was chewing and shook her head, swallowing. “No, thank you. One is enough.”

“I can cut up some fruit? We got enough today at the grocery store for me to make you a fruit salad?”

Her hand pressed to his cheek, her gaze turning soft, and he leaned into her palm. “I’m okay, Javi,” she said. “This one sandwich is enough.”

He frowned. “You told me you were fine at the restaurant and not very hungry, but that wasn’t true, mi amor. I know it was because of the sex tonight—”

“Birthday sex,” she interrupted. “Birthday sex is special and worth going a little hungry for.” “I disagree with that…” His sandwich was finished, and he moved back to the stove, sliding it directly from the pan and onto a waiting plate next to the spatula.

“What do you mean you disagree with that?” she asked.

He put the pan on one of the cold back burners and switched off the stove, returning to his spot in front of her. His eyes were on hers, smoothing his hands along her thighs and under her shirt to hold her hips. “I mean that we’re trying to have a baby, and I don’t like the idea of you not eating enough for yourself and our child just so we can fuck.”

“Oh.” Her attention went to her lap.

“In the future, eat as much as you need—do something light if you’re really worried.” He lifted her chin with his finger to look at him. “Can you promise me that, Cielito? Can you do that for me so I won’t worry?”

“Yes.” She nodded.

“Thank you.” He slotted his lips against hers, kissing her tenderly. When they separated, he asked, “Another sandwich or fruit?”

“Fruit, please,” she answered. “Can you do it with Tajín and chamoy like the fruit cart?”

She was talking about the fruit cart on the side of one of the busier streets downtown where you could get freshly cut fruits like mango, jícama, papaya, and watermelon, and they did vasos de frutas (fruit cups) similar to the street vendors in Mexico; cups filled with a variety of cubed fruits and topped with Tajín (a powder made of chile, lime, and salt), and chamoy (a thick sauce made out of pickled fruit like mango, plums, and apricot that was mixed with spicy chiles, and a salty brine—it’s a tasty mixture that was sweet, spicy, salty, and sour).

The combined ingredients created a refreshing snack that perfectly balanced the sweet, tangy, and spicy flavors.

He smiled. “Of course, mi amor.” He gave her a quick peck on the lips before making his way to the fridge to start getting out the fruits.

She hopped off the counter after she finished her sandwich to stand next to him, holding up his grilled cheese for him to take bites of while he chopped the fruit and chatting with him about random things on her mind.

They were sitting on the couch, her legs on his lap, and had just finished their vasos de frutas (fruit cups), which ended up being tazones de frutas (fruit bowls) while they watched the first Jurassic Park movie. His empty bowl was on the coffee table in front of them, his hands busy gliding over her legs and thighs. She leaned forward to set her dish down beside his as Dr. Malcolm discussed the moral implications of the island's scientists only caring about what they could and couldn't do and not if they should. Cielito moved to get up, and his face lifted toward hers.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

Her eyes met his. "First, I'm gonna go put the bowls in the sink." She bent to pick up one in each hand and straightened. "Then I need to go grab something."

"What do you need, and I'll get it?" He started to stand, wanting to help so they could get back to cuddling quicker.

"Nope,” she said, and he stopped. "I'll get it. You just sit there and keep looking pretty." She smiled.

He frowned. "Okay."

She left the room, and he couldn't pay attention to what was on the television, instead listening to her rinsing the bowls out in the kitchen sink, followed by her footsteps as she made her way back through the living room, his head turning to watch her on her journey into the bedroom where she disappeared from view.

He wondered what she needed—maybe she wanted to paint her nails and had to choose a color of nail polish. Or she was going to get the stuff for face masks, which was something he enjoyed; his skin hadn't looked this good since he was in his early twenties.

"I'll be out in a minute, babe," she called from the other room. "I need to check the message on the answering machine."

"Take your time," he replied, hoping she didn't.

The fingers of his right hand were tapping absentmindedly on his knee.

His gaze went up to the clock on the wall, seeing it was a little after eleven, his eyes following the big hand as it ticked away each second.

Tick, tick, tick.

A whole minute passed before she returned to him, his eyebrows pulling together at her frowning face.

"Who called?" he asked.

"My mother."

That explained it.

"What did she want?"

"She said she had some exciting news and needed to talk to me about something important."

"Any idea what either could be...?"

A long, drawn-out sigh left her. "Yeah, most likely it's to tell me my brother's wife is pregnant again—they've been trying for months."

She found out they started trying the night he first told her he loved her. His face relaxed, understanding now that she was upset by the possible news.

He rose from the sofa and went to her in three steps, wrapping her in his arms to hold her close. He kissed her cheek and whispered, "It'll be us telling people the same news soon—they just had a head start. Don't let it get you down, okay? Everything is okay. We're okay. We’re happy, and that’s all that fucking matters."

He felt her relax in his hold.

"You're right—they've had more time."

He pulled back to look at her, smiling softly.

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I can knock you up in the same amount of months. Hell, maybe I'll be so fucking good at it that I’ll get you pregnant with twins."

That made her giggle, and her mouth turned up in his favorite smile.

"You're ridiculous," she said. "It's not a competition."

"It is now—we're gonna beat their time."

She playfully rolled her eyes.

"I love you, you goober." She kissed him, and when she broke away, there was a serious look on her face. "Let's stick to one baby for my first pregnancy, please."

"That's not how it works..." he said slowly. "It's a gamble, Cielito."

"Yes, I know that Javier, but let's not put the idea out into the universe."

"Okay—un bebé (one baby). That's all I'll wish for or whatever the fuck."

"Even though I know you're being a lying liar who lies because you'd be beyond happy if there was more than one baby—“ That was true; he’d love getting two babies for the price of one. “—I appreciate the thought. Now, enough about me. You need to open your birthday present."

His face scrunched in confusion. "Didn't I do that when I took off your clothes…?"

"That was only the sexy birthday present. I also got you an actual present."

He was so worried about her that he hadn’t realized she was holding something. She held up a rectangular gift wrapped in solid, bright red wrapping paper.

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he said. “Today was perfect.”

“Sure, but as I told you when you were undressing me, you’re getting spoiled tonight. Please open this. I’m nervous about it.”

“Why are you nervous?” he asked, taking it from her.

“Because I put a lot of time into it, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to love it, but there’s a chance it’ll make you sad.”

That had him curious. He stepped away and grabbed her hand to lead her to the couch, pulling her down to sit beside him.

It wasn’t too heavy or light, and when he felt it, it was firm. He thought it might be a book. Tearing open the wrapping paper, he discovered it was actually a maroon-colored leather-bound photo album.

He glanced over at her.

“We have our photo album of us we put together. What’s this one?”

He asked the question even though he had an idea of what it could be.

She gave him a reassuring smile. “Open it, and you’ll see.”

He did as he was instructed, and his breath caught in his throat—the first picture was of him as a newborn being held by his mother in a hospital bed. His birth hadn’t been the easiest, and the exhaustion was clear on her face, yet she was grinning. The next photo was in the same spot, but this time, she was gazing at him in her arms with a look that showed she was in love and unbelievably happy. His eyes started watering, turning to the next page to find more pictures of newborn him and his mom now taken at home. All the pages after that featured the same thing: it was always just him and his mom. Some of the photos he’d seen in other albums his father had, there were many, though, that this was the first time he’d come across them.

He lost count of how many were of them in the kitchen, seeing them both age through the years and him doing more to help her as he grew.

There was one where he was maybe three, standing on a dining room chair with his mother beside him as he used a tortilladora (tortilla press) on the table to flatten tortillas, one perfectly done on the plate. His face was turned up toward her with a toothy grin, and she was gazing upon him fondly and clearly proud—it was the first time he had made a tortilla.

He was maybe six in another, using a stool in order to reach the stove with her watching from behind him as he stirred a giant pot he knew had the sauce for her tamales—it was the first time she walked him step by step on how to make them, and it reminded him of something she said that day: “Un día, tu esposa hará esta receta y necesitas poder ayudarla, así que presta atención, Javiercito (One day, your wife will make this recipe and you need to be able to help her, so pay attention, Javier).” And she was right. He had used what she taught him to help his wif-fiancée make her tamales. He even showed Cielito some of the techniques his mother used to make the process easier.

His father had captured a lot of wonderful moments, including one when he had to be about ten with how he’d shot up in height and was almost as tall as his mother—they had matching grins and were mid-dance in the kitchen, her left hand held in his right and their arms around each other’s backs.

So many memories came back to him of times they spent together, and there was even a picture of the last time they made a tres leches cake for his birthday, both laughing about something he couldn’t remember, and it made him smile at how happy they looked.

The final photo was of him in his senior year of college after a swim meet. He’d changed back into his clothes—some jeans and a baby blue button-up shirt, his hair still wet, and a gold medal around his neck. His mother was embracing him from the side, her head barely reaching his shoulders, Javier hugging her back; big smiles were on their faces, and happiness was shining in their matching chocolate-colored eyes as they looked at the camera.

Seeing all of the sweet moments they shared already had him on the verge of tears, and this one broke him, knowing it was his last competition before he met Lorraine—his shoulders shook with sobs as he let himself cry.

The album only contained the memories of before his life went to shit—when he was on track to make his dream of swimming in the Olympics come true, his mother was still alive, he hadn’t hurt his parents with his bad choices, and life was good and still made sense.

“Oh, Javi,” Cielito’s voice was soft, and he welcomed her arms that enveloped him. “I’m so sorry—I worried it’d upset you. I shouldn’t have made this. I’ll take the pictures back to Pop’s.” She reached for the album, and he held it away.

“No,” he said through the tears, his words coming out gravelly. “It’s perfect—I love it.” Closing the book, he set it on the coffee table in front of them before he twisted his body to pull her into his arms, burying his face in her neck. Her hands were rubbing soothingly over his back. “Thank you,” his muffled voice said, tears wetting her skin. “Thank you for making it—it brought back so much happy shit I’d forgotten.”

“You really love the album?” she asked.

He pulled back to look her in the eyes and nodded with a little smile. “Yeah, it really is perfect. You wanna know something?”

“What?”

“I can’t wait to show it to our kids one day.” Her face brightened. “I know you’ll probably cook with them, and they’ll love seeing photos of their abuela (grandma) and papá (dad) doing the same.”

“Oh, I’m absolutely cooking with our kids,” she said, and it had warmth spread through his veins. “Your dad let me go through the boxes, plural, of loose photos he has—side note, I have never seen so many, and I’m pretty sure he’s single-handedly keeping the one-hour photo kiosk in business.”

“Probably,” he chuckled.

Growing up, whenever his father wasn’t working out on the ranch, he was spending time with Javier and his mom, and it was pretty typical for Chucho to get out his camera or video camera to snap pictures or record whatever they were doing—his dad was a sentimental guy. With Javier being his only child, he wanted to ensure they documented as much as possible to look back on fondly.

“Anyways,” she continued. “I went through hundreds, maybe even thousands of photos, and in every single one of you with your mom in the kitchen, you both look so fucking happy, and then add in that some of your favorite memories are cooking with her, and I want that for our babies, too. I want them to have happy memories of learning to cook with their mom and dad.”

His vision was blurring with unshed tears, feeling so unbelievably happy he might combust.

“You want me there, too?”

“Um, yes, Javi. As your mother would say, ‘Eres mi buena suerte (You’re my good luck).’ You gotta be there to at least take a ton of pictures.”

He was smiling. “I’d love that.”

“Good.” She kissed him, just a press of her lips to his, and it wasn’t enough; he deepened it with a swipe of his tongue along her bottom lip, and when she granted him access by opening her mouth a little, he was delving inside to tangle their tongues.

He didn’t know how he got so lucky finding her—she was perfect. Somehow, she made him fall more in love with her with each passing day.

Hearing her say she wanted their children to experience the same happiness he did with his mother had him feeling over the moon and even more excited about them starting their family—she was going to be an incredible mom to their kids, and it filled him with joy knowing, without a doubt, they’ll get to grow up like him with parents who will not only love them more than anything but each other to the point their children will be disgusted by their open affection. Their kids were going to have happy childhoods where they knew they were loved and cherished and got nothing but encouragement for their dreams. It would be drastically different than how Cielito was raised, and that was what she wanted; she couldn’t fathom treating her children the same way her parents treated her. There wouldn’t be one kid who was loved more than another, and they definitely were going to be proud of their babies no matter what. She was breaking a cycle of neglect and impossible standards to ensure their children only knew love and acceptance.

Their breaths were coming out heavier when their mouths detached.

She smiled, the sentence coming out breathy, “Happy birthday, Javi.”

He shared her look. “Thank you for making it amazing—made me almost forget I’m old now.”

She huffed in exasperation. “You turned forty, Javi. You’re not old. If it makes you feel any better, I’m happy to report you’ve still got a bangin’ bod and continue being a sex god.”

“You’re calling me a sex god again?” His eyebrow rose.

“I never stopped calling you a sex god, and let’s look at the facts:” She held up one finger. “Stamina of someone in their twenties.” The next digit went up. “The experience of a forty-year-old that’s spent a lot of time fucking.” Another finger rose. “Makes his partner come every time.” The next digit extended. “Actually knows how to use his mouth and fingers.” The final finger went up. “Has the biggest and prettiest dick known to man—face it, babe, you’re a bonafide sex god; I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a statue of you in some sex temple somewhere.”

His chest had puffed out a little from her praise, and what she said made him snort, Javier, smiling. “What is it with you and statues of me?”

She pushed his bangs off of his forehead. “Um, did you not hear the part where I said you have a bangin’ bod and the biggest and prettiest dick known to man? You’d make a sexy statue—hotter than Prince Eric’s, and that’s saying something.” Both of her hands came up to hold his face as she stared him in the eyes. “What you should get from this is I find you exceptionally attractive and want to have your babies, and I’ll still find you exceptionally attractive and want to have your babies next year, and the year after that and the year after that; you get the picture. Basically, I do not give a single fuck about how old you are because you are aging like the finest wine, sweetcheeks, and I am so unbelievably horny for you.”

From the way she was looking at him, he knew she was telling the truth, and it made him feel some relief. He’d been dreading this day, and he was starting to realize there was no reason to—he was older and wiser, engaged to marry the most amazing woman on the planet, in the process of starting his family, working a job he didn’t hate, and he was back home, where he belonged (even if some of the townspeople thought otherwise). He was happy, truly happy, and yeah, it wasn’t an easy journey, and it took him a while to get to this point, but he made it, and that was all that fucking mattered.

Mondays were the worst.

Mondays after a lovely vacation were the worst of the worst.

Honestly, it should be illegal having to go back to work on a Monday after being away. Unfortunately, it wasn’t, so here you were sitting at the nurse's station desk, a bit past ten in the morning, notating a chart, and nervously waiting for your first break that was in—you glanced at the watch on your wrist—five minutes.

"Still nervous?" Came the Texas twang of your coworker/best friend, Robyn, who pulled out the rolly chair beside you and sat down.

Her long, chestnut curls were pulled back into a ponytail, and she looked ready to model with how perfectly she’d done her makeup; firetruck-red lipstick was coating her full lips, her big blue eyes accentuated with an outline of black mascara and eyeliner, her cheeks rosy, and face blemish free without being caked in foundation and concealer—she could be on the cover of the American Journal of Nursing magazine with her being in her blue scrubs.

Your head turned her way, frowning. "Yes, because I know, in my bones, it's not gonna go well."

She gave you a reassuring smile and put her hand on your arm. "And that's why you're doin’ it on your fifteen-minute break. It gives you a time limit, and havin’ to get back to work is a great excuse to end things."

You weren't convinced. "I guess..."

"I'm sorry, girl, but this is somethin’ you have to do and it'll be better to just rip off the bandaid."

"Maybe I'd prefer to keep the bandaid on and continue living in my perfect little bubble with the love of my life."

"Because the bubble is goin’ to burst one way or another, and at least this way, you're in control."

"I really don't want to do this…" you said truthfully. It had you feeling a little sick.

"I know, girl." She patted your forearm. "I can't promise it'll go well, but just remember you've got Javi and me for support, and you know as well as I do that man will up and leave work without a word to come here for you."

"That's true. He, uh, doesn't know..."

The other woman's eyebrows dipped. "Why didn't you tell him?"

"It's Javi—he'd worry too much and wouldn't be able to work. Now that we're doing this whole baby thing and getting married soon, it's like his caveman instincts have turned up to the max, and he's in protection mode 24/7. So, he's not going to find out about what's going on until after it happens."

"If you think that's best." Her eyes went to her wristwatch. "Looks like it's time." She met your gaze. "Go do it in the on-call room so you'll have some privacy."

You took a deep breath, ignoring the fluttering nerves in your belly. "Okay," you said as you pushed back in your chair to get up. "If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, you better come to get me."

She smiled. "That was the plan."

"You're the best."

The closest on-call room wasn't anything more than a small windowless room with a twin-size bed and a desk with a lamp and telephone atop it. The overhead light was on, and you'd locked the door upon entering, taking a seat at the desk. Picking up the phone's receiver, you pressed it to your ear, your other hand punching in the string of numbers from muscle memory, and hardly any thought.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hello?" the familiar voice answered.

This was it. "Hi, Mom, it's me."

"Oh, good, you got my message. I was expecting your call yesterday."

"Sorry, it was Javi's birthday, and we went out to dinner to celebrate."

Her voice went tight. "I see... Remind me again how old he turned?"

"Forty."

"Forty years old, and he doesn't own a house or have a career? When your father turned forty, he was already the chief of surgery and had invented a procedure, but I guess they're two different men from two different backgrounds."

Your jaw clenched. "I don't appreciate you belittling the man I love, who had a very successful career in the DEA and helped take down Pablo fucking Escobar and the Cali Cartel before he was forty—but please, go on about his ‘lack of career,’ and how he doesn’t measure up to Dad in your eyes; I’d be more than happy to end this call right now.”

The older woman sighed. “I’m just looking out for your best interests, but since it’s a sore subject, I won’t talk about him at all.”

The ‘best interests’ excuse made you roll your eyes so hard they were at risk of getting stuck in the back of your head.

"Fine—what's the exciting news you have?"

"Oh, yes," her tone shifted, hearing her excitement. "Your brother is having another baby, and it's a boy!" You fucking knew that was why she called, and you didn’t have it in you to be excited, not when the same news from you would have a vastly different reaction. "Your father and I are so excited to have another grandson," she continued. "I can't believe how blessed we are to have three grandchildren, a fourth on the way, and they’re all boys!"

"God forbid they had a girl," you mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I said, wow, that's great," you spoke normally. "Well, give them my congratulations, and if that was all you wanted to tell me, I'm going to get back to work—I'm on break."

Yes, you were chickening out on telling her about your engagement.

"That isn't the only exciting news!"

"Yay, there's more," you deadpanned.

“If your father was home, he could give you more information, but his hospital is going through some staffing changes, and he got you a job to be the director of nursing—you can finally move back home!"

Um, what?

He got you a job you never even asked for or wanted?

The audacity of them doing this behind your back in an attempt to lure you home had stunned you into silence, anger threading through your chest and tummy.

"Are you still there?" she asked.

"I don't want a new job," you said calmly.

"You don't know what you're saying, sweetie. This would make you the head of the nursing program at his hospital and is much better than whatever it is you’re currently doing. You’d make substantially more than what you are right now, and it brings you closer to us, your family—it’s about time you come home, anyway. You’ve been away long enough and haven’t been making the best decisions.”

Tears were burning in your eyes at the blatant disregard for your feelings.

"I'm not leaving Laredo."

She sighed again. "What does that backwater town have to offer you? That hospital you're working for can't compete with what your father’s hospital is willing to pay, and there isn’t anything there worth staying for or tying you down—thank god you've been smart and haven't done anything stupid like get pregnant."

She managed to insult Javi and the life you built without outright saying the words, and it pissed you off how fucking rude she was in regards to your future husband—she could say whatever she wanted about you and the way you were living, but you wouldn’t stand for such vitriol toward your fiancé.

"I'm getting married,” you blurted.

Her line went completely silent, and you thought she might’ve hung up until she said, “I’m sorry. I think I misheard you. What did you say?”

“Javi proposed—we’re getting married, and that isn’t the only exciting news; we’ve started trying for a baby.” Informing people that you were getting fucked raw and filled like a Boston cream donut on the regular made you wish the earth would completely swallow you up so you didn’t have to feel such embarrassment; it being socially acceptable to openly discuss your sex life when it had to do with procreation would never make any sense to you.

“I know Javier doesn’t meet your standards,” you continued, “however, he more than meets mine, and I wish you could see how incredible he is and how happy he makes me, but the only things you care about is the amount of money in his bank account and career choice; which, again, people all over are aware of who The Javier Peña is because of the work he did with the DEA. He was a hot commodity when he returned to the States, and agencies all over the country were trying to bag him.

“Just because he’s not in the same tax bracket as you,” you kept speaking, “and he can’t buy me a big mansion we don’t even need, doesn’t make him any less of a person. Honestly, he’s better than you—he’s better than you. He’s better than Dad, and he’s definitely better than that golden child you worship, who couldn’t even make it into his Ivy League school without you buying his way in. Javi got a full-ride scholarship to his dream university because of how talented he was at swimming,” you said proudly.

“My fiancé is an amazing man who treats me like a queen and will be the best father to our children. Now, let’s circle back to your question about what Laredo has to offer me—the answer is everything. Laredo has everything I could ever need or want. The man I’m marrying and the future father of my kids is here. I have a family here—a real family that loves me. I have friends and a great job here. This is the place where I’ll raise my children and grow old with my soulmate. This is my home and where I’ve always belonged. So, thank you, but no, thank you for such an amazing job offer I didn’t ask for. I’m not leaving Laredo—you’re just gonna have to get used to the fact that Javier and I are a package deal and that he’ll be your son-in-law one day and the father of your grandchildren. If you can’t stomach that, then don’t ever call me again because Javi means more to me than anyone else in the entire universe.”

Silence.

Many seconds passed before she spoke.

“You’re sure he’s the one…?” she asked slowly.

“Yes, one hundred percent.”

“You don’t care about how much money he has because he makes you… happy…?”

She made it sound like a foreign concept, and you huffed in amusement.

“I know, it’s crazy to fall in love with someone for them and not their money.”

“This is what I get for allowing you to watch those cartoon fairytale movies when you were a child. Your ideas of what’s important in life have been skewed by fictional nonsense, and you failed to notice at the end of those films, the girls become princesses—rich—when they meet their princes and finally get their—what was it?—happily… happily…” She was struggling.

“Their happily ever afters?” you said.

“Yes, that’s it! They only got their happily ever afters once they became princesses, and you should strive to want that kind of status or meet a man who will give it to you.”

“Weird take, but to me, they get their happily ever afters when they meet their one true loves, and the fancy titles are just bonuses.” You shrugged even though she couldn’t see you.

She let out a sigh. “You need to understand that real life isn’t like those whimsical cartoons. You might think you’re in love right now, but you haven’t even known this man for a year. How do you know if you will feel this way about him a year from now? Or two years? There’s no guarantee that your relationship will last, and you’re throwing away a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to advance your career and make a name for yourself because you’re infatuated and living in some dream world.”

“I am in love, and it’s the real thing. What you’re not understanding is my career is secondary to my happiness. I care more about being happy than making money, and I’ve made my choice that I’m going to marry Javi because he makes me happy—get it through your head that he isn’t going anywhere.”

“Very well, if that’s your decision, then so be it.”

“Thank you.”

“Can you answer a question about Javier?”

“Uh, depends on what you’re going to ask...”

“He helped take down Pablo Escobar and that other cartel, which wouldn’t have been small feats. I’m assuming a lot of opportunities would’ve opened up to him within his agency, and he was probably on track for promotions. Why did he quit when he was at the height of his career?”

You smiled. “Because he decided his career was secondary to his happiness, and he cared more about being happy than advancing in a job he’d grown to hate.”

“Oh.”

“You know, he only went to work for the Sheriff here, so I wasn’t the sole provider in our relationship—he makes decent money, too, and tries to pay more than his fair share. He took the job to be able to take care of me, and if I couldn’t work, we’d be more than okay on just his salary.”

“Really?” She didn’t attempt to hide her surprise.

“Yes—someone with Javi’s expertise is paid handsomely to consult. He’s gotten a ton of offers to do paid talks at universities and conferences. He’s actually kind of a big deal in that community.” It was lovely getting to brag about him.

“Why haven’t you told me this before?”

“Because from the moment you found out I was dating him, you were convinced he wasn’t good enough for me, and it seemed like nothing I could say would change your mind.”

“I guess I might have rushed to conclusions…”

“You did.”

“Well, congratulations, honey,” She sounded genuinely happy, not as jazzed as the imminent arrival of another grandson, but happy enough it had you taken aback. “This is exciting! I hadn’t realized things had gotten so serious between you two. Have you picked out a date for the wedding?”

To say you felt thrown off kilter from the complete one-eighty she just made on her views of your relationship would be putting it mildly; you thought there was a chance you were in the Twilight Zone with how bizarre this reaction was.

Did you actually convince her of Javi’s worthiness?

That didn’t seem right…

“Um, no?” you answered.

“I’ll call the wedding planner who helped plan your brother’s, and don’t worry about the cost, we’ll take care of it, along with the wedding itself—we’ll have to look at venues in your town that can hold at least, I think, one hundred and fifty guests, maybe? I’ll also have Jerry—” The family lawyer. “—get a prenup together—I’ll bring him with me.” Uh, what was happening? “Let me look at the calendar.” Pages flipping could be heard over the phone, and you knew she was going through her daily planner. “Your father and I have prior engagements over the next month and a half, but I could visit in February with the wedding planner and Jerry to get started on everything.”

The thought of her visiting had you feeling sick to your stomach, the anxiety hitting you like a bucket of cold water over your head.

“Woah, woah, hold on a second,” you said. “We’re not having a big wedding, so there’s no need for a wedding planner. We’re not doing a prenup, either, so Jerry doesn’t need to be bothered, and we want to get married sometime next month.”

“I won’t sour our conversation with legal talk, so I’ll discuss it with you later—you want to get married that soon?” There was a frown in her voice. "I told you we’re booked next month... We wouldn’t be able to make it…”

“We’re not doing much of a traditional wedding anyway, so you won’t miss much. We can send you a copy of the video—” Javi was planning on buying a camcorder to record your nuptials and other erotic things. “—and maybe in February we could visit you.” That was something you didn’t particularly want to do, but her change in attitude and desire to help seemed like she was extending an olive branch for all of the hurtful things she had said about your future husband.

“That would be fine. We’re dying to meet this man you’re in love with.”

Your eyes narrowed. “The one you didn’t approve of five minutes ago…?”

“You gave me a lot to think about in those five minutes, and I’m doing as you said and accepting that he’s going to be my son-in-law. Am I not allowed to change my opinion of someone?”

“Sure, you can change your opinion. You’re really okay with me marrying him?”

“Yes, sweetie.”

A knock sounded on the on-call room’s door, Robyn’s voice coming from the other side, “Hey, I need you out here.”

“I’m sorry, Mom, but my break’s over, and I need to get back. I’ll talk to you later.”

“No problem. Have a great day, and tell Javier hi from me.”

That will freak him out.

You said your goodbyes and hung up the phone, getting up to walk over and open the door.

Robyn was standing there. “How’d it go?” she asked.

“That’s the thing, Robyn, I think it went well, and I’m so fucking confused—I think my mom might even like Javi a little bit now.”

Shock appeared on her face. “Um, what…?”

“Makes zero sense, right?”

“Yeah… You need to call Javi?”

She was the best.

“Would you mind?”

“Nope! I’ll hold down the fort.”

“Thank you!”

This time, when you sat down to use the hospital-provided telephone, you dialed your fiancé’s desk phone from memory.

Ring.

“Peña,” he answered.

“Has hell frozen over?” you asked.

“Cielito?” He was clearly confused.

“Yes, it’s me—let’s focus. Has hell frozen over?”

“Uh, I don’t think so?”

“Are pigs flying?” You heard him roll back in his chair and the rustle of him looking through his office window’s blinds.

“I don’t see any pigs with wings, but that Sheriff’s deputy whose wife won’t let him have red meat so he can lower his cholesterol is in his car eating a burger with the same enthusiasm I have when I eat your pussy.”

“Guy is truly eating it like a man starved—respect. ¿Están volando las vacas (Are the cows flying)?”

“No veo a Daphne ni a Velma en el cielo (I don’t see Daphne or Velma in the sky).” He rolled back to his desk. “¿Qué pasa, mi amor (What’s going on, my love)?”

“I talked to my mom…”

“…are you okay?”

“Um, sure.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

He was starting to hang up the phone, and you quickly said, “Javi, no, no! Don’t leave!”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “It wouldn’t be a problem.”

“It’s really okay—I’m gonna see you at lunch.”

The plan was to eat the lunches you made together in his truck.

“Okay.” His tone went serious. “Tell me what happened.”

“I called her like she asked, and she confirmed my sister-in-law is with child and talk about the excitement over a fetus having male genitals.”

“Of course, they’re fucking excited it’s a boy, the misogynistic assholes,” he seethed.

“I am so unbelievably in love with you—I know you’d love having a baby girl and getting to dress her up in pretty dresses.”

“God, yeah.” You didn’t have to see his face to know he was smiling. “And giving her cute hairdos and I could paint her nails to match her dresses—wait, we’re getting distracted. Did the news upset you? I really feel like I should come down there...”

“I promise I’m fine, babe.”

“I don’t like that I’m not there for you in person…” He sighed. “Was that all your mother wanted to talk to you about?”

“This next part is really gonna piss you off, so please take a big breath for me, my love.”

You heard him inhale deeply.

“Tell me,” he ordered.

“My parents, or father specifically, offered me a job that a person would be insane to turn down to get me to move back home—I didn’t even contemplate for a second about taking it and proceeded to inform her about us getting married and starting our family, then went off about how amazing you are and that this is my home and I wouldn’t be leaving it. I made it very clear that you are the most important person to me, and if they couldn’t accept you as my husband, then I wanted nothing to do with them.”

“…If you want the job, we can move there,” he said carefully.

You smiled. “That’s sweet of you to offer, but I can’t fathom moving away from our family here, especially your dad. This is our home, and I’m happy with the life we have. So, I don’t care about some fancy schmancy job.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

He let out a relieved sigh before he started speaking again, his words soaked in anger, “They hate me so fucking much they tried to give you an offer you couldn’t refuse, so you’d leave me? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m sorry, baby, but I can’t fucking stand these people you share blood with—they don’t even fucking deserve to be called your family with how they disrespect you and don’t give a flying fuck about your happiness.” He had to take another big breath to try to calm his rage. “I might sound like an asshole, but I don’t want them around our kids, and this isn’t me putting my foot down or saying that’s how it has to be; I’m saying that our children’s well-being is my first priority, and these assholes are nothing but poison,” he spat. “I’ll support you if you decide to cut ties with them—hell, I’d love it since it makes me so fucking angry how they’ve treated you and continue to treat you. We’ve got our family here, anyway; Pop and all our tías, tíos, and primos, so you don’t even need those fuckers.” His tone shifted to something softer, hearing in it how much he cared for you. “Cielito, mi amor, all I want is for you to be happy and to feel loved, and I will do everything in my power to make that happen—please, for me, when you decide what to do, you choose what makes you happiest; not what would make me happy and definitely don’t even think about their feelings because they’ve never done the same for you. I’ll stand by you no matter what.”

What he said had your eyes getting misty. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. More than anything.”

And you knew that was the truth.

“I didn’t tell you the whole story,” you said, “and this is where I get confused about the entire interaction.”

“What happened…?”

“So, I kinda bragged about how much of a hot shot you are in the drug enforcement community and that you make decent money, and I think I somehow made my mom like you? I know it sounds fake, but Javi, she wanted to hire us a wedding planner and pay for the whole event that she was going to invite a hundred and fifty people to…”

You left out the lawyer bit because you were going to nip that in the bud when she got around to talking to you about it.

“Uh, what…?”

“It was fucking weird, babe! She even told me to tell you hi when we were getting off the phone!”

“Me? Are you sure…?”

“Yeah! It makes zero fucking sense. Our conversation started with her basically telling me my life decisions were trash and that there’s nothing in Laredo worth staying for—she actually said she was happy I hadn’t accidentally gotten pregnant. Like, that’s so fucking rude. Then her tone had completely changed by the end of the call, and she was pro-you and pro-us getting married.”

“Interesting…” You could picture him sitting at his desk, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb over his bottom lip while we pieced together the information you’d given him and analyzed it for any indication of more going on.

“Are your Detective Peña senses tingling?” you asked. “Do you think they’re up to something?”

“I’m not sure… But I could just be paranoid about people trying to fuck with our relationship.”

“Oh god, what if we are being paranoid and overthinking this entire thing? We might be looking a gift horse in the mouth, and my family really has warmed up to you.”

He scoffed, “Tal vez cuando las vacas vuelen (Maybe when cows fly),” he muttered. “It seems too good to be true,” he said. “But, there’s a chance hell did freeze over, and Daphne and Velma grew wings.” He sighed. “My hopes aren’t very high, though; at this point, all we can do is see what happens.” He suddenly sounded panicked, “Cariño, ¿los invitaste a nuestra boda (Honey, did you invite them to our wedding)? ¿Tendré que conocerlos en persona (Will I have to meet them in person)?”

Javier Peña had a cute face, a cute face that naturally looked pissed off when it was resting and showed everything he was feeling. There was no doubt that in the presence of your family, his glares would be murderous, and he wouldn’t be able to hide his anger—which, honestly, delighted you. But you hated the idea of them coming to the place you called home and was your haven away from them, so you were never going to invite them to visit; if you had to, you’d go to them.

“Cálmate, mi amor (Calm down, my love),” you said. “No te preocupes (Don’t worry). I didn’t invite them, and I don’t even want them coming here. I did have to say we might visit them in a couple of months to keep them happy—I’m also gonna send my parents that blender my mother wants but refuses to buy because the one they have still works for Christmas. Hopefully, all that will tide them over for a while so we can figure out if their new attitude is legit or not.”

“Good idea.”

“Well, I better get back to work. I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Yes, you will. If you need me to get your mind off all this shit, just let me know. It’d take us about the same amount of time to meet at home…”

His offer made you smile. “Javier, is this your way of saying you’d like a nooner?”

“Maybe… I’m on edge and need to calm my nerves, and the best ways to do that is either having a cigarette or fucking—I’m sure you can guess my preference, but it wouldn’t be a big deal if I bummed a smoke off someone.”

“You’re in need of a medicinal cream pie,” you said in understanding, nodding your head. “I am also on edge and could use a medicinal orgasm or two. I’ll see you at the apartment, handsome, and the suit stays on—I’m riding Detective Peña into the sunset.”

You could hear his smile when he spoke. “Is that so?”

“Yep—you’ve been staring at my tits a lot lately, and I thought you’d enjoy them bouncing in your face.”

His groan confirmed your suspicion. “Minimum of two orgasms, keep the suit on, and you’re riding me on the couch—anything I’m missing?”

“Yeah, you coming inside me so I can go back to work all nice and stuffed.”

“Marry me.”

“I am,” you giggled. “We need to figure out a date.”

“January 11. Under the big oak tree on Pop’s land at sunset—that’s when we should do it.”

“Why the eleventh?” you asked, curious about why that date specifically.

“You agreed to be my girlfriend on the eleventh. You agreed to be my fiancée on the eleventh. It only seems right that I vow to love you forever on the eleventh of the New Year and hope you agree to be my wife then—Cielito, mi amor, mi vida mi media naranja, mi todo, (Cielito, my love, my life, my soulmate, my everything), will you marry me in twenty-eight days on January 11?”

Tears brimmed your eyes. “Yes, Javi! Absolutely, yes—it’s perfect.”

“Not as perfect as you,” he smoothly replied.

“You’re a sap.”

“—and your perfect tits.”

“A horny sap,” you laughed.

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#pedro pascal #javier peña #Javier Peña/reader #javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javier peña smut #wheresarizona writes #learning to live series

[darkisrising]

⭐

(But also I'm greedy and if you want to do Never Leaving Well Enough Alone, I have a special soft spot for that one since it's one of the first ones of yours I ever read.)

(link to game if anyone wants to play)

Sure thing, friend! Never Leaving Well Enough Alone was one of my first attempts at writing in the Mandalorian world. My friend @treescape was writing dinluke and was talking about how active the ship was (back in those early days, circa 2021). Since I was writing quiobi where we were small but very engaged, I was intrigued by this phenomenon of hordes of ppl reading a single fic at once, but made the off hand comment that I doubted I was good for writing any other ship, since I'd only just returned to writing fanfic and still was in my painfully insecure era. But then she said something along the line of (back then) there being very little explicit content for the ship (oooooooh how the tables have turned on THAT lmaoo) and I had this moment of "well... I can write sex at the very least?" so my first few dinluke I went into them with the very clear objective to sex them up more than the landscape at the time was doing, since I *think* if I recall that the emphasis on the ship back then was more on Luke as a potential second dad for Grogu... very romancing the single dad vibes... and mando was essentially one big walking chastity belt.

NLWEA was basically me throwing a chunk of sex into the ship, and then I was gonna run away and hide. At least, that was my plan. So it's a 5+1 time structure, with the idea that they kept running into each other, and then at some point they would have sex. That's... pretty much it. I knew Luke because I went through a hard core OT phases back when the OT was re-released, and I like my Luke as the mouthy Tattooine "what a hunk of junk" farmboy so that's what I wanted to play with in this one. Han's ride or die. Leia's headache of a trouble-magnet brother. I don't think I'd even managed to watch all the episodes of Mando season 1 when I wrote this, let alone 2, but I liked the eternally exhausted freelancer in a gig economy bounty hunter we first meet in the show and figured meh. Why not give it a whirl? The sheer shock of waking up from throwing a post up on ao3 and getting the kudos email the next day. I mean. I can't overstress how MANY readers there were back then. Just. Mindbreaking amounts. I went from quiobi where a hundred kudos was like "oh man, yes, yay, I'm so proud of myself" to just. *hundreds* upon hundreds at once. It was... well. Yeah. Addictive to chase that validation. That's probably not what you're supposed to say when it comes to writing fic, that you got swept up in the attention, but it is what it is. I did. And it was very *very* fun to be participating in a fandom like that, when there's interest and energy, and so so so SO many talented people working at once at a frantic pace. It was such a rush.

I wrote without a really clear idea of where the story was going, except for the structure. As I wrote I was also watching the last few episodes of Mando season 2, and when I watched the episodes with cgi Luke I was like oh huh this isn't really the Luke I remember at all. Part of the lack of affectation was the cgi, but I liked the idea of trying to thread the needle between young Luke and Jedi "stoically driven by the force" Luke, so that's where chapter 4 changes mood from hijinks Luke to reserved Luke. And then, that let me have some fun with the idea that Luke was so consumed/inebriated with the force he absolutely didnt recognize Din from his younger days. Which made the reveal that Din knew extra fun to play with in the next chapter. Chapter 5 also happens to be the first time I wrote Boba Fett, and may *that* be noted by the historians, because I fell in deep, deep love with that man from that moment on. Which eventually led us to the BobaDinLuke stuff that took over my life for the last few years 😆

#ask box #ask game #dark is thinking #dinluke

[yoongimain]

Need You To Be Sure | kth

You need all of the clarity that Taehyung won’t give you. 

Pairing: Taehyung x Femme!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Romance. 

Warnings: Vulgar language. Angst. Complicated boundaries. Complicated feelings. 420 blazing. ANGST.

Songs: What I Need - Haley Kiyoko, A Soulmate Who Wasn’t Meant To Be - Jess Benko

Words: 3,150

Taehyung - 1995

Femme Lead - 1998

Note: This is my attempt at a series, written as a gift for a dear friend of mine. Please let me know what you think in the comments as this is a new writing style for me and I would love the feedback! Writing style inspired by @kithtaehyung​

Some italicized lines are the OC’s thoughts! ​

Date Posted: 8/3/2022

Taehyung is beautiful. He is especially beautiful when you wake up first, and get to see the sunlight peek through the curtains and onto his face. His gentle breathing makes your heart flutter, and you can’t help but wonder if he also feels that way when he sees you. 

You snuggle into his chest more, allowing him to fully embrace you in his slumber. 

Taehyung and yourself have been close friends since your youth. You were both geeky kids in middle school, and even then a part of you always knew that you would end up recklessly in love with him. His goofy, childish charms were enough for anyone to. 

He grunted out a tired “Good morning, little bear.” and pressed a lazy kiss to the top of your head. His hands rubs your shoulder in an attempt to put you back to sleep. You smiled and wiggled your way up to his face again, kissing his lips to do the opposite. 

“Good morning sleepy head.” 

He smiled rolling you over and smothering your face with kisses, sending you into a fit of giggles. Nothing made your heart feel as full as these little moments with Taehyung. 

“We need to leave for class soon.” You pushed him to sit up and shook his arms around until his eyes were completely open. 

His eyes turned to crescents when he finally processed the very naked you covered in all of his marks before him. 

“Let's go take a quick shower then.” He wiggles his eyebrows and pulls you off of the bed along him and to the bathroom to start the day his way.  

---

“What time are you out today?” He asks from next to you on the bus. He kept his attention on his phone, scrolling endlessly on Instagram. 

“I’m out of here by four. You?” You say, scrolling through the private Spotify playlist he made for you. 

“Around five.” He answers, cutting your conversation short as you approach campus. He tugged on the string to alert the driver of his stop. 

“Happy Summer!” He simply smiles at you and gets off of the bus, heading straight to his lecture hall. 

Taehyung is beautiful, but it was moments like this that make you realize how unattainable he is. Things were complicated between the two of you. You were always clear on how you felt about Taehyung, but you could not move forward alone. Instead, you both keep dancing around in this state of uncertainty. 

Taehyung was always there for you when you needed him most. Since your childhood, he was the one that you spent your time with. Telling each other secrets and holding each other when times get rough. Your friendship was just too precious to lose over stupid feelings. 

Instead of making your feelings clear, you betray yourself by keeping your feelings hidden, watching him through each partner that did not deserve him. Relationships that turned him to his hoe phase. Each party you went to together always ended with him leaving with someone else. 

And tired of it all, you tried hooking up with someone too. 

It could have been the liquid courage that night, or the fact that Taehyung was already making out with some person you have never seen before in the corner of the room. You could never know what brought you to angrily smash your lips against the nerdy upperclassmen Namjoon Kim, but you did.  

Your little show did not last for long, as Taehyung came over and told Namjoon to get the fuck off of you and took you home. 

The only thing you heard the entire ride back was how disappointed he was and all his constant nagging. He was burning your ears off and you just simply had enough. 

“Guys like him are just trying to get in your pants.” He said, angrily gripping the steering wheel as he drove. 

“Oh! So you can get into anyone’s pants and it's totally fine, but if anyone else wants to get some it is a crime?” You finally spoke, now parked outside of his house. 

“What are you on about? This isn’t about me. This is about that koala looking asshole putting his hands on my little bear!” He argued, turning to you to make his point clear. 

You did not shy away and looked him straight in the eyes, your tears threatening to spill. 

“Of course it isn’t! And stop calling me that I’m not a fucking child anymore Taehyung!” 

All the anger left his face as he watched you in your vexation. 

“H-hey…” He started. He reached for you, but you quickly turned away. 

“You know what? I am over this shit.” You pushed the door open and slammed it after you. 

You thought you were ready to move on from Taehyung that night. You were once so sure that staying beside him would be enough. You thought that waiting for him to finally see you was enough. 

However, you knew, you would never be enough. You would always just be his best friend. You would always just be his little bear. 

With a heavy heart, you picked up your feet with whatever dignity you had left and trudged in the direction of your home. All of the complications you have tried to avoid have brought you there. 

“Hey, wait a second!” He called out from behind you. 

You knew that any confrontation from either of you would just change the dynamic of the friendship, and you just couldn’t deal with that right now. 

Don’t stop. Do not stop. You tell yourself. You picked up the pace and began to run. Your adrenaline pumping your alcohol struck blood through your veins. 

He continued to scream your name and chase you down the avenue. Once he caught up, he pulled you by the arm and made you turn to him. 

“What has gotten into you? What is all of this about?” He brought his hands up to your face to match your eye level. Something that always made your heart skip a million beats, and maybe was too intimate for the middle of the suburban street. 

What was the point in hiding it anyways? No matter what happens, our relationship will never be the same from this point. 

His eyes searched yours for any answers to the problem at hand. Internally your heart burned with what you have wanted to do for decades. 

You reached for his face, a million thoughts racing in your mind. Your eyes drift from his eyes, to his lips. 

Just do it! 

You pulled him to your level, pressing a firm kiss against his lips. All of the anxiety, hostility and resentment you felt dissipated. 

Your mind was empty. Once he returned the kiss full on, your heart was full. 

He had wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you in closer. A kiss that was worth a million words to you, and certainly too intimate for the suburban streets. 

You both had talked in his room that night. Mostly of your feelings and how long you have had them for. 

You both set boundaries. You didn’t want him to sleep around anymore, and he wasn’t ready to fully commit to any relationships. In all other words, it was complicated. 

Hence why you are now here, feeling like a super secret sneaky link almost a year later. 

---

“Aha! Alright, truth or dare?” Jimin drunkenly asks. 

Most of the mutual friends are gathered at Jimin’s house for a start-of-summer party. Half of the freshmen in attendance are already blacked out in their own corners. Designated drivers are all stressed out and babysitting their half conscious friends. 

You just stared at the bottle that was pointed to you, not knowing what to choose. You glance up to Taehyung who was leaning against the wall with a cup in his hand. His white shirt was tucked into a pair of green corduroys. 

God- my favorite color. 

And they look amazing on him. 

“Tick tock!” Jimin slurred, bringing your attention back to the matter at hand. 

“Uh, truth?” You respond, still thinking about how delicious Taehyung’s arms looked in that t-shirt. 

“I hope you don’t think you are playing it safe.” Jimin thought aloud. “Is there anyone you would sleep with in this room?” 

Taehyung’s ears perked up, but he kept a nonchalant look on his face. Everyone in the circle was silent, anticipating your answer. 

“Yes.” You smiled. Of course no one actually knew how active you were considering Taehyung’s reluctance to say so. 

Your hand reaches for the bottle and gives it a spin. Everyone watching the glass slow down to a stop right in front of Namjoon, who is sitting beside you. 

Taehyung straightens up in form, still uncomfortable with the fact that Namjoon and I had kissed before. 

“Truth or dare?” You asked. You watch Namjoon smile confidently, asking for a good dare. 

“See! Not everyone is as boring as you are!” Jimin laughs out loud. I ignored the comment though, and gave a task for the nerdy tree.

“Kiss the most attractive person in the room.” I say, gesturing to everyone in the room. He shrugged his shoulders and took a big gulp of his drink. 

Namjoon pulled me from the floor, onto his lap. 

“You asked for it.” He says, putting a hand at the base of your neck to pull your lips to his. 

Before my mind can even process the situation I am in, I am pulled away by a raging Taehyung. 

Taehyung who, in all his anger, pulled you straight to your feet. He tugs you behind his back as asks Namjoon what he thinks he is doing. 

Namjoon pushed his tongue on his cheek and stood up, facing the cockblock second time offender. 

“I believe we were playing the game, Taehyung.” He says, crossing his arms in defense. 

“You are outside of your fucking mind Namjoon. I thought I already warned you not to mess with them.” He says, referring to the toss up they had a few days after that party a year ago. A toss up that was making a comeback at this event, now. 

“That's funny because I don’t recall them being in a relationship?” The taller opponent backs. 

“You said to never touch your person ever again, and yet they aren’t even yours. Now, how does that work?” 

Taehyung could not hold his anger any longer, and took a swing at Namjoon. Namjoon falls back which causes a domino effect of everyone rushing to his aid while others hold Taehyung back from jumping him any further. 

“Don’t make me repeat myself again Namjoon! Or you are fucking dead!” He screams as Jimin and another mutual friend Jungkook pulls him out of the house. 

You quickly gather your belongings and run outside to a seething Taehyung. Jungkook and Jimin tried to calm him down, with little to no success. 

The pair had firm hands on his shoulders, talking to him almost at a whisper. 

“Taehyung?” You finally speak, taking the attention from the trio. 

Your secret partner pushes through the other two, and takes you by the wrist. 

“Don’t bring that asshole around me again.” He says while passing Jimin. He walked you to his car that is parked about two blocks down. His pace leaves the soles of your feet burning against the rocky pavement.

“Taehyung.” You call out to him, with no response. Instead, he keeps his steady pace and rushes to his car that is now in vision. 

“Taehyung!” You scream. You pull your wrist back and root to one place, forcing Taehyung to turn to you. 

“What?! You want to go back in there and fuck that bastard in front of everyone, too?!” He shouts in anger. He ruffled his hair in frustration. 

“You know what? I’m over this shit.” He turns from you to walk away before you could throw a punch in, but you're faster than that. 

He knows better.

“Over what? Huh?” You stomp after him, momentarily forgetting the stinging at the bottom of your feet. 

“Whatever this fucking is!” He finally turns to you, gesturing to the space between the two of you. Through his eyes it was hard to understand what this would all mean for you both in the end. 

Was there really any use in holding on, if he was never in your hold in the first place? 

“So you refuse to be in a relationship with me, but you want me to treat you as if we are?” You ask him. 

“You know how I feel about you.” He tries to defend himself. 

How dare he use your weakness against you. Just as he did before, expecting you to bend to his needs again. Only each time this happened, your needs were left for another discussion. 

“Do I though? Because it just seems like you only see me anymore for a quick fuck when its convenient for you!” You burst, finally breaking into tears. “Which one of us is actually over this?” 

“Then what the hell else do you want from me bear?!” He shouts. “Stop using your fucking tears on me!” 

You could only scoff at his words, flipping this around and victimizing himself. 

“I need more Tae. More!” You frustratingly wipe your tears from your eyes. “More than just sex, more than just fucking participation.” 

He gnawed on his bottom lip, unsure of what else to say to you. He sighs and stuffs a hand into his pocket. 

“Can we just talk about this at home?” He asks. Avoiding the topic, which is ultimately invalidating to your feelings that you just let out on him. 

It is hard to think that he would be this dismissive of you, considering how much you have both been through. When was it that he had changed? 

“What, for you to keep us a secret even more? No!” You state, wrapping your arms around his waist. 

“Do you want to be with me, or not?” You ask, scanning his face for any answers you could possibly find. 

You hate that you know him so well. You hate that his confused eyes are far easier to read than any book. You hate the gut feeling within you that says you need to just let this man go once and for all. And even more…

“I don’t know, bear.” He says.

…You hate that he is telling the truth. 

He doesn’t know what he wants with you. 

Were you his best friend? Were you his partner? A casual fling that was never meant to happen? 

“Then, I think I should go.” You tell him in a whisper. 

You pulled your arms away and gave a short “Good bye.” as severance. 

You turn your back and walk back to the house. Your vision on your bright phone screen is blurring out by your tears. 

Each step you took shattered your heart a little more. 

Though you know this fight would come sooner or later, you still wished you had a little more time to push it off. 

A little more time as his little bear. 

--

“Hey, you need to get up at some point.” Your sister knocks on your door. 

Cursed be rooming with your sibling. 

It has been three days since the summer party fiasco. 

Seventy-two hours since you lost your best friend. 

You stayed in your bed for most of the time. Sleeping your pain away and reliving your decision each time you open your eyes. 

You knew that you would need to leave this deal with Taehyung at some point in time, but there was nothing that would ever prepare you for it.  

You roll over and tap on the screen of your cell phone. Messages flood your phone from friends who witnessed the fight. Jimin, wondering if you were okay. Jungkook, messaging you for Jimin. Namjoon, apologizing for causing conflict between you and Taehyung. 

Taehyung?

Nothing. 

Not a text. 

Not a call. 

Radio silence that draws new tears from your previously soaked eyes. 

You finally bring your feet to the floor and carry your weight off of the bed. Your sister is still knocking on the door, refusing to leave until you unlock the door. 

“I’m coming.” You croak out, unlocking the bedroom door. 

“Alright. I want you to take a shower, come out and eat, and then we will watch a movie.” She ordered. 

“Even if you just stand under the water, please take a good twenty minute shower. I am going to cook your favorite, okay?” She asks, turning you around to the bathroom in your bedroom. 

“Okay. Thank you.” You gave her a quick hug before closing the bathroom door. 

--

“I think it's pretty funny that they even kept him on this show after all of that controversy.” Your sister refers to a character in the romcom you both watch. 

You nod in response, but your mind is still lingering on Taehyung. 

You want to know where he has been. 

Just as much as you want to know why he hasn’t sent a single message. 

“Hey, what is on your mind?” Your sister scoots closer to you, pausing the show. 

“I just want to know where he is, you know? Like, what he is thinking.” You fiddled with your phone in your lap. Your eyes start to water again, and you shrink back into the couch. 

“Well from what I understand of Taehyung, seeing as you both grew up together, He is very dense.” She says, lighting a blunt to mellow the mood. 

“He is so dense that he might just need some time to himself to really think about everything you have said.” She reassures, and continues to tell you Taehyung might contact you soon enough. 

The only thing your sister doesn’t understand is that he has had over a year to think about it all. 

Over a year to know if he wanted you or not. 

Over a year of experiencing your love. 

But he is still confused. 

You simply could not give anymore of yourself to him until he knows for certain what relationship you both have. 

She passes you the blunt, and you take a slow drag. Keeping the smoke inhaled for as long as you could before releasing. 

“Or you can just take the time you need and hang out with friends instead of waiting for his dumbass to call.” 

You chuckle and hand the blunt back over to her. 

“Yeah, I guess you are right.” You unlock your phone and check your notifications. Messages from various mutual friends flood your phone, but one specifically catches your eyes. 

Jimin: “Attachment.img”

Jimin: I thought you deserve to know. 

You open your messages with Jimin and find a photo that makes your heart contort. 

Everything around you just… stops.

Note: Thank you for taking the time to read this. Like I mentioned before, please drop a comment below and let me know what you thought! 

#bts #bts fic #bts imagines #bts reactions #taehyung #fluff #angst #bts fanfic #taehyung x reader #bts v

[nickfowlerrr]

pretty when you cry - chapter nine - bucky

series masterlist / chapter ten

*originally posted to @bellareadsandrecs on 04/23/22*

pairing: dark!biker!bucky x curvy!reader (dark!soulmate au)

warnings: 18+ ONLY. toxic relationship. bucky is bucky so 🤷🏻‍♀️. talks of violence? uhm i can hardly remember what i wrote but i don’t think there’s anything that needs an explicit warning. if you find i’m missing something, please let me know.

words: 4.8k

notes: i actually kind of hate this lol but it’s okay bc better writing is coming.. hopefully lol. just get ready bc chapter ten is gonna be fun. also! just want to clarify that this isnt a justification for everything or like anything he’s done. it’s from his pov so it’s just supposed to show how bucky is actually seeing things in regards to their relationship and as we all know this is a dark!bucky so yeah :) as always, feedback is more than welcome. thank you for reading and reblogging and commenting. i love each and every one of you. 💘

This is a DARK series!!! Please proceed with abundant caution.

He knew that he wasn’t going to be able to stay too much longer. Hell, he wasn’t planning on staying at all once they had that lock replaced. The only reason he brought Steve and Nat along in the first place was because they were heading to the shop together, they all needed to be there. They needed to get everything ready for the meeting they were having tonight. Needed to be sure everyone knew where they were going and what they were doing before Stark showed up.

They hadn’t met the man yet, they only knew of his father, and while he had helped Bucky and Steve out of a jam a long while ago, that didn’t mean they were going to just blindly trust this guy’s son. They needed to be prepared for anything. It could be a setup or a sting or an ambush for all they knew. He spoke about wanting to make a business deal, to set up a “mutually beneficial” arrangement between them and Stark Industries, which, admittedly, sparked their interest, but trust wasn’t something that came easy to them. Especially in their line of work. And though they made good money on their business, it was still cautionary when said proposal came with such high rewards. They needed to be on alert - which was why Steve kept fucking call.

But in all honesty, this meeting was the last thing on Bucky’s mind. His focus was solely on you. Like it always was, like it had been since the first night he saw you. When he felt you get upset that morning, he immediately told Steve and Nat to head out and that he’d meet them at the shop in a while. That of course, did not happen but he certainly wasn’t complaining. Even though you were fighting, because when were you not, he was able to be close to you. And even more, he was able to really be with you again. He was starting to worry that you’d never willing let him touch you like that again.

So when you started moaning his name as he pumped his fingers in and out of you, he felt like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world. He could have stayed there between your legs all day. Be with you all day. Just being able to listen to you in such a state seemed like a blessing. One he knew he didn’t deserve. But, what you had said before was right, Bucky was a selfish man. He couldn’t just let you go. And he knew you needed him just as much as he needed you, that’s what he was counting on anyway. Selfishly, he convinced himself that he was just trying to do what was best for you. That he didn’t want you to feel the hurt that would come with having known your soulmate and then having to live without them. Deep down, though, subconsciously, he knew the truth.

You’d live even if he wasn’t in your life, no matter how strong this connection was, he knew you were strong enough to be okay. He wasn’t though. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to lose you. Though maybe you’d be better off for it… but that thought was brutally squashed in his mind as soon as it attempted to pop up and make itself known. That couldn’t be true. No. He needed you and you needed him. He loved you and you loved him, you had to.

He knew he had fucked it up but he was sure he could fix it. He could make it better, make it up to you. He’d give you anything you wanted and everything you needed, no matter what he had to do to accomplish that. Because he would do anything for you.

When you agreed to dinner, he really felt like he was making headway. And when you let him touch you, taste you, see you, so intimately, he thought he had you.

And then you came out of your room wearing way too much clothing and avoiding eye contact with him, and he could feel your nerves. You were stressed, yet again. He tried to lighten the mood but you didn’t respond to it the way he expected. He thought maybe you’d be annoyed and scold him but all he got from you was a closed, almost timid response. He felt his heart clutch at that but ignored it. It was when you recoiled from the slight brush of your knees against his, that he couldn’t help but scoff. The twinge of rejection ran sharply through him but he tried to brush it off. He deserved it, knowing he had made you feel a thousand times worse when he left you alone, crying in your bed that first night.

He still didn’t know why he had said what he did when he was leaving you. Well, he did know. He had wanted to hurt you. He didn’t want to feel the way he was feeling for you. He thought it’d help, to force an end, despite how harsh it was. As if the act itself wasn’t fucked up enough, he just had to make it worse. He just didn’t think through what his words would lead to. He didn’t know what he was doing. He felt the pain and hurt and degradation you did as he was leaving, but refused to truly acknowledge it. That would be something he’d regret for the rest of his life. That whole night was. You deserved better and he wanted to give you better.

But he couldn’t go back in time and undo all the damage he had done. So he’d keep trying to make amends now. You were his and you were going to be together, like you were supposed to be, so he figured he’d just keep trying. Because you getting away simply wasn’t an option, but he didn’t want you miserable forever, either. You had to give in eventually. You’d forgive him eventually, wouldn’t you? He was sure you wouldn’t be able to resist him forever. Not when the pull to one another was so strong. He certainly couldn’t resist it. He couldn’t forget you, couldn’t shake you. He had tried once and obviously failed miserably - epically. He really couldn’t imagine how you kept trying. He wasn’t that bad, was he? Was he really so unlovable that even the one person guaranteed to love him fought against it?

Maybe he was. And maybe he deserved it. But it didn’t matter all that much in the grand scheme of things. You were meant to love him and you would. He finally felt like he had found the connection he was looking for his entire life without realizing it. And there was no way in hell he was going to let you slip away from him. He just couldn’t. He needed you more than anything, more than anyone. He felt more like himself when you were near. More human. He couldn’t admit it, his self consciousness wouldn’t allow him to open up to you, not yet, but - he just wanted you to look at him and see him. To reassure him he wasn’t truly the monster he had been made into - the one he had shown you. He selfishly wanted you to comfort him the way he desperately needed, though he never realized. He needed you to love him.

So when he started telling you about him, his life, it felt like coming home. Allowing you to know him more, you asking him questions, the silent tears you shed for him, even thinking he didn’t notice… it made him feel like he was worthy of the care and affection he hadn’t received since he was a kid. Now, he never meant to share so much with you so soon. In fact, he could have lived happily without you ever knowing what he really went through. The only person who knew the whole of it, the only one he ever felt close enough to talk to, was Steve and that was hard enough to share with him. But this, this just slipped from his lips so easily when you asked him so timidly about his arm. He felt completely comfortable and at peace with you listening to him he didn’t realize how much he was sharing.

He was upset at first upon really realizing he had just told you about it all. But after a minute, he thought it was for the best. You knew now. He wouldn’t have to go into it again. And you seemed to care. And he needed that. But then…

Then you told him to go.

And his heart felt like it was being squeezed so tightly, it was like you were trying to disintegrate it in your hands. And his heart was in your hands, you held it completely, whether he wanted you to or not. Whether you wanted it or not.

He felt like you had just slapped him across the face, but he was sure even if you could have, if you had, that wouldn’t hurt this much. You had to be kidding. You certainly didn’t sound confident in your words as you spoke them. And that made him feel the slightest bit better. But not enough. It wasn’t enough because you still asked him to go.

He didn’t realize how hard he was gripping the plate in his hand until it shattered and scared you. He felt bad for half a second before his indignation took over. He was hurt and angry and though you had rejected him over and over before, this time was different. He had shared so much with you, and it felt like you saw him. You saw him and then pushed him away again. You saw him and decided that you still didn’t want him. That wasn’t an option though.

He was too upset to notice that the pain he was feeling wasn’t all his own. You were feeling it, too. But Bucky never really showed his hurt. It always came out as anger, because that was easier.

He didn’t fully realize what he was doing, he was just reacting. He needed you to understand, you couldn’t deny this anymore. There wasn’t anyone else he needed and that had to be the same for you.

When you told him you deserved better than the love he could give you, it sent him spiraling. Because the love he was giving you was more intense and potent than any kind of love he’d had before. He was giving you his best. And it wasn’t good enough. He’d never be fucking good enough for anyone but especially not you. And the heartbreak he felt at that realization was quickly covered by his anger and utmost confidence he had in the fact that you and him were made for each other. No matter what either of you thought, you were the best for him and he would always be the best for you. There wouldn’t ever be another option for either of you.

When he had your neck in his grip, though you struggled to get away from him, he didn’t sense any real fear in you. Like you knew he wouldn’t be able to truly harm you. All he felt was heartbreak and rage. It was coming from both of you. And then you struck a second time. Aiming straight for his heart once again.

“I don’t need anyone’s love, certainly not yours,” you had seethed through tears, desperately wanting to believe it.

Again he was reminded that you were just like him, deep down. You really didn’t want to need anyone. But you did. You needed him. And yet, despite that obvious fact, you still wanted to defy the fates. To object against your fated connection. But he felt the longing that you did, too. And he took in your tears that you couldn’t hold back because of how much your heart was breaking against your stubborn mind’s relentless fight against him. And he felt confident again. He was right, he did have you.

Though you tried to put as much distance between the two of you as you could in your small kitchen, he knew what you needed. Even as you shoved him and flinched away from his hand, which admittedly, hurt him, he didn’t relent. Because you needed him.

You were breaking down right in front of him and, honestly,… he loved it. You being so vulnerable in front of him was one of his favorite things. You weren’t much for vulnerability, that was easy enough to gather, but you always opened up so easily around him. Maybe because his presence was like a vice around you all the time, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was you showing up fully to him and that he was there to hold you and be witness to your emotions.

This was exactly what he meant. You needed him. Maybe it wasn’t fair that you were fated to such a bad man. A fuck up, a monster. But, you needed a bad man to keep the other bad men away. You were so fragile. So sad. But he’d protect you. He’d help you feel better. So what if it wasn’t fair, you were his.

Even as you cried out how much you hated him, he knew you didn’t mean it. You were rightfully upset, and he wanted to calm you down again but he couldn’t help but to take advantage of your fragile state at the moment.

“You’ve ruined my life,” you had muttered as you slid down the wall trying to catch your breath as you sobbed.

He couldn’t let you keep fighting anymore. It was hurting you too much. And selfishly, it was hurting him, too. He knew he needed to get through to you for real this time. And he had plenty of experience in threats and manipulation. He knew exactly what he had to say and exactly which buttons he had to push on you. This had to work. You had to realize that fighting him would only lead to more pain and suffering.

He really wouldn’t be able to hurt you even if he tried, but he had no qualms about doing whatever he needed to whoever he had to if it meant you’d stop resisting and just be with him. He really was running out of patience.

When you looked at him with your glossy, pleading eyes, he felt himself relax again. And then he started to feel a little bad. But he just wanted you two to be happy. The hopeless romantic he had been as a kid was showing up again, whenever he thought of you, whenever you were around. He just wanted your happily ever after. You were just making it so damn difficult. But no matter what, in the end, he knew like you did, that you were it for each other.

You cried that you wanted to be alone, but he didn’t want you to be. And he knew you shouldn’t be right now.

So he held you, and as you tried to fight out of his hold, he just held you tighter to him. You said you hated him again, but he knew you didn’t. And you knew you didn’t. So you cried even more with your head in his neck, legs wrapped around his waist as you sat in his lap on the floor. He soothed you as you cried and while he was comforting you, your warmth and weight on him was comforting him as well. He was caught up in your scent and the feeling of your arms wrapped around him while he ran his hands down your back and nuzzled soft kisses into your hair. He could almost forget everything that had just happened if it wasn’t for your tears that he could feel on his skin. He hated making you cry, but he loved being able to comfort and hold you like this. He loved you so easily and so completely it was like he had been doing it for a lifetime. Everything felt right when you were in his arms.

He eventually took notice of the darkened sky outside and knew he had to go. So when you gently shoved away from him once again, he let you go and moved to stand you both up.

He didn’t want to leave, especially not when you were still obviously upset, but he had to meet up with Steve before they had to meet Stark, and he had taken long enough as it was.

After your bitter storm off, he reluctantly left your house and made his way to the shop on his bike. He felt your hurt at his departure, and it almost made him turn around and head back to you. But he knew he couldn’t.

Tonight was either going to be a cause for celebration, a boring let down, or a brutal confrontation. No matter which, they had to be ready. But if it did go well, and promises were kept, Bucky had big plans for the two of you. He had a whole future planned with you at the center of it all. So although he felt bad about leaving you alone and hurting yet again, he was sure that he wouldn’t be doing that to you again.

When he pulled up to the shop, he was met by Steve, Nat, and Sam talking in the garage.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” Nat teased with a smirk.

“Yeah, how thoughtful of you to join us, Barnes,” Sam said.

“Where’s everyone else?” Bucky asked, ignoring them.

“They’re all exactly where they need to be. We’ve got Thor and Val down the block, Loki and Wanda are on the outskirts, Scott and Peter are in town square and everyone else is scattered all around. No one’s getting in or out of town without us knowing about it. We’ll see them when they come in and if anything goes down, they won’t be getting out.” Steve said confidently.

“Good. And you two?” Bucky questioned, staring pointedly at Sam and Nat.

“We were just on our way to the gas station,” Nat motioned with her head to the station way down the street. “Close enough to get here quickly if we need to, far enough to not make Stark feel like we’re surrounding him.”

Bucky nodded, while looking around the shop. “I think we’re ready for him.”

“Call us if you need us - we’ll be watching the cameras on my phone, but ya know just in case,” Nat said, shrugging her shoulders as she walked toward her bike. “Catch you in a bit.”

Sam followed behind her, leaving Steve and Bucky alone.

It was quiet for a moment before Steve went to speak, but he was stopped by Bucky before he could.

“Not a fucking word about her or I swear to god, Rogers,”

“Hey, I don’t need you sucker punching me again, dick, I was just gonna ask how things went,” Steve laughed, holding his hands up in front of him.

“Can we focus on this meeting?”

“Oh, now you wanna focus,” Steve prodded.

Bucky looked sharply at his best friend. “Look, I know I’ve been acting differently, but.. she - she’s different. This is different. She’s not just some girl. I know you don’t get it, Steve, you think I’m losing it, but I’m telling you, man, she’s the one.”

Steve looked sympathetic for a moment before he responded. “I don’t get it,” he agreed. “But I know you. And I trust you. So if you say she’s different, she must be,” he said sincerely. “Kind of a crybaby if you ask me. So sensitive, but I mean, she’s your soulmate not mine. Not my problem,” he joked.

Steve’s joke reminded him of the state you were in when he left you and he felt uncharacteristically anxious. He just wanted to get this meeting done with and get back to you.

As if on cue, they received a text from Wanda alerting them that a couple of Stark SUVs had just driven into town from the city not too far away. A couple minutes after, Thor called Steve and let them know that they had just passed them a block away. As soon as Steve hung up, headlights started to shine into the open garage.

Bucky and Steve stepped back as the black SUV entered the open space as the other two cars parked outside the shop, one on either side.

Once the vehicle was parked, the back driver’s door opened to reveal the man they had been in talks with. Tony Stark climbed out of the car and walked confidently up to Steve and Bucky, hand held out to shake both of theirs in greeting.

“Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. Tony Stark,” he said as he shook their hands. “Well, I’ve heard a lot about you two, I’ve gotta say. Not even been here a year and you’re already at the top of your game, aren’t you. Ran Hydra right on outta town, staking your claim, terrorizing innocent civilians,” he joked.

“We didn’t terrorize anyone. Those were some punks from some shitty wannabe gang trying to be tough. Thought if they fucked enough shit up in our name, we’d be taken care of. But that obviously didn’t happen. We’ve got connections where it counts here,” Steve told him.

“Sure, sure, but that’s not completely true is it? The not terrorizing anyone bit? From what I’ve heard-,”

“I don’t give a fuck what you’ve heard. The only people getting terrorized around here are the ones who deserve it. We don’t need to draw attention to ourselves anymore than we normally do by fucking with random people for the hell of it. We’ve got a business to run here,” Bucky made clear.

“Business, yes. That’s why I’m here,” Stark began again, seemingly ignoring Bucky’s obvious hostility. “You’re no strangers to getting your hands dirty, though. Bloody, even,” he said as if wanting to be sure off the bat that they were willing to do so if needed without explicitly asking out loud.

“We do what we have to when we have to.” Bucky said, his tone alone threatening. Stark just nodded his head before continuing.

“I’m very interested in this business you’ve got running here. And I’ve got a hell of an offer for you.”

“We’re listening,”

“Now I want to preface this by saying I know you owed my dad a favor, big time, but I don’t want that to have any affect on your decision on this proposal,”

“Wasn’t planning on it,”

“Ha, good,” Tony chuckled. “So. I’ll cut to the chase, it’s clear you’re not a fan of pretense. I’ve got some inventory I’m looking to sell, but I’m having a hard time getting approval on the legal front. It’s getting in the way of my business, I’m sure you understand. What I’m looking for is a business I can run things out of. A front, if you will. That’s where you fellas come in. I buy this quaint little shop of yours, it’ll become a part of Stark Industries. You’ll still be working out of here, repairs, detail jobs, whatever other services you guys offer here, but all your equipment, any parts you need, all the tools, everything will be delivered by and for Stark Industries. And when you get those shipments in, sometimes you’ll get some other things that will need to be delivered to buyers. Off the official record, of course.”

“You’re going to be selling illegal “inventory” and we’ll essentially be your delivery men?” Steve asked.

“Preciously. You’re a sharp one, aren’t you,” Tony quipped.

“What’s the inventory,” Bucky asked.

“Weapons, mostly. I’d give advance notice on any delicate deals, of course. Or if it’s a special shipment. You’ll really only be receiving information about the shipments from me or Banner. You’ll meet him soon, I’m sure. Great guy, I think you’ll really like him, anyway. This isn’t necessarily small time stuff. But I’ve done my research on you. You’ve got the experience, expertise, and man power behind you to make me confident that you’re the guys for the job. I’ve had an eye on your operations for a while, so when you left the city, I was a little disappointed, but when I found out you had just moved out here, it was like everything was aligning perfectly. This shop is far enough away to avoid interference plus you’ve got half the police force here basically eating out of your hands, so I’m not worried about any snooping around from them,”

“And what do we get out of this, again?” Steve interjected.

“Well of course, we’ll have to go over all the specifics and the ins and outs of everything but uh- essentially, a fuck ton of money. For both of you and all your people. You’ll be living the good life. Anything you want or need, as long as you do your part, it’s yours,” Tony said nonchalantly. “So how’s that sound to you guys? Fair? Easy enough, right? We’ll just need to sign some papers, I’ll have it all sent over and we’ll wire you the money for the selling of the shop. First deliveries would start in a couple of weeks but we’ll meet up again before then to really iron everything out.”

Bucky looked over to Steve who looked to him at the same time. They nodded in union before responding.

“Sounds like a deal,” Bucky said, causing Stark to break out in a grin. He clapped his hands together and stepped forward, moving to shake each of their hands once again. “Then it’s a deal,” he said triumphantly. “Everything is all typed up, we’ll get the papers sent to you in the morning and then you can expect the first wire transfers to your accounts by the end of the week. I’ve gotta run, have to get back to the city for a dinner but we’ll be in touch,” he rushed out while checking his watch and walking back toward the suv that was waiting for him before he climbed in. “The wife is waiting for me and if I keep her any longer she’s gonna have my head. You have our contact information, give us a call if you have any questions about the papers. Talk soon.” He said before shutting his door.

Bucky and Steve watched as the three SUVs drove out and headed back out of town and in the direction of the city.

“That went well,” Steve said, sounding almost surprised. Bucky chuckled at him and was about to respond before his phone started ringing. The caller ID showed that it was Sam and he assumed he was calling because they saw Stark leave.

“Yeah, you’re all good to head back over now,” Bucky said as soon as he answered the phone.

“Well, that’s good timing,” Sam began, “that means you can get over here, then. Someone you might want to see.”

“Hu-what are you talking about?” he asked, confused.

“Y/N. She’s here right now. Just pulled in. She looks flustered, like she’s in a hurry. She’s tryna get out of here fast. I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but I thought you’d want to know.” Sam explained.

As soon as your name left Sam’s mouth, Bucky felt every muscle in his body tense. Why the fuck would you be there? It was nearly 9pm on a Sunday, you didn’t have anywhere to be. His mind instantly started to race with reasons why you might have gone there and he didn’t like any of them. The one that made the most sense, the obvious one in his mind, was that you were leaving. Trying to, anyway. Trying to leave town. Trying to leave him. And that wasn’t going to happen.

He felt like he was about to completely crush his phone in his hand. He tried to take a calming breath but it didn’t help in the slightest.

“I’ll be right there. And Sam,”

“Yeah?”

“She doesn’t leave that goddamn parking lot until I get there, we clear?” He nearly growled.

“Yeah, I think we can handle that.” Sam said before hanging up.

Why would you do this? To yourself - to him. You couldn’t leave. He’d make sure it wouldn’t happen. He wouldn’t let you go.

And after this little stunt, he’d make sure you wouldn’t get the chance to again. He didn’t say anything to Steve as he went to his bike and started it. The only thing on his mind was getting to you. He was sure Steve had heard the conversation anyway. He headed straight for the gas station that was just a few minutes away, straight for you.

#dark!bucky x reader #dark!bucky #dark!bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes x reader #pwyc series #dark!biker bucky #dark!bucky x curvy!reader #dark!bucky x plus size!reader #dark!bucky x plus size reader #dark!bucky x chubby!reader #dark bucky barnes x reader #dark bucky #dark bucky barnes

[naegashutyoassup]

[CW // Dec 18th, suicide, depression, online harassment] Shawols, let me know if this has been happening to you guys too.

I've been trying to write this on Reddit, but kept being silenced by getting no upvotes or even just getting automatically deleted, so here I am.

Also, if you find this post triggering, please look away now. This post is made for the sole purpose of finding potential victims of this sort of online abuse. If you or anyone you know has gone through this, just know that you are not alone, and nobody has the rights to harass you like that. If you have your own stories about this sort of thing, comment it or pm me if you would like (which is more recommended) and boost this post too so other Shawols wouldn't have to think they have to face this alone. Take care of yourselves as well as other people.

---

So... I haven't been doing well lately due to a message online that triggers me until this day.

What I'm saying is that one day, I was on Tumblr when I've seen a notification popping up from someone. When I clicked on it, it was an ask. At that moment when I read it, my heart ached.

Someone said something along the lines of "why would you write a fanfiction of someone who killed himself" and I started to feel sick to my stomach. Just to be clear that I've NEVER written any fanfictions on the app and was possibly referring to posts that I've reblogged. Regardless, it was a disgusting thing they wrote, especially with the fact that they referred to Jonghyun as "deadman" or "someone who had killed himself" which would refer to Dec 18th.

I've spoken to someone over the internet and he said that this has been happening to him as well. As someone who writes fanfictions as a cope mechanism, he feels constantly shamed for even having a connection with him after all these times. There were even other times where he was told that Jonghyun never liked him, which put him in a deep depression for 6-8 months where he would attempt to kill himself multiple times, but managed to escape it due to the fact that he had emotional support such as his friends, family, therapists, etc. I, in the other hand, never had anybody around me. In fact, my mental health was always dismissed to everyone except one, my older sister. It was so bad that it even impacted my college and my relationships with my parents.

Although it's something small, I've found out that someone has went through something similar and I was able to make them feel like they were not alone. Now, me and my online friends are trying to start a tradition where we would drink at least 1000ml during the anniversary to commemorate his chest in which his fans would call "his man boobies." It's called #milkforjonghyun and you can search up for more information on Tumblr. Not only it was about making the day much less bearable for most, but it's for us to protest against people like that from dictating how we mourn and cope with our loss. Surprise enough, these people are typically trolls and not really fans trying to prey on vulnerable and grieving Shawols that may or may not have a big risk of mental health issues or possibly even suicide themselves.

Just for a question here... have you guys ever received a message like this? Please let me know so I don't feel like I'm alone in this.

#cw // mentions of dec 18th #do not skip #please boost this #serious post #you are not alone #be safe online this december #shinee #shawol #shawols #kpop #lee jinki #jinki #onew #jonghyun #kim jonghyun #jjong #bling bling #bling bling is jonghyun #key #kibum #kim kibum #minho #choi minho #taemin #lee taemin #taem #trolls #milkforjonghyun #ourdeathisnotyourproperty #mydeathisnotyourproperty

[rezzyromance]

Could I request Heisenberg with a female s/o who's negatively pent up from anxiety and depression and feeling like they're not good enough for Karl but they always put on a brave face to not look weak? They just want to make him happy and proud maybe maybe when they're either fucking or just working, maybe he says an offhand comment that hits home, idk being called useless is a good one to feel like being stabbed. They love him but they've been hiding all their mental struggles and bottling it up be a use they always focused on him first? Mental health feels neglected rn and could use the hurt/comfort if you're okay with this! Up to you if you want to add smut or not, with or without is great

Of course, baby. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the story. (CW: Hurt/Comfort, mentions of anxiety and depression. Sexual scenarios: Fingering, face riding, praising, general NSFW)

Living with Karl is a task that can be mentally taxing on anyone. For you, this wasn't an exception. There was no doubt in your mind that you loved him, but that dragged along a few issues with it. You loved him so much, that you constantly felt an unbearable pressure that pushed you to attempt to impress him out of fear that he may view you as inferior to him. Karl is without a doubt strong, insanely intelligent, passionate, and all around tremendously powerful. Often times you wondered why he even keeps you around.

You had grown very close with him over time. He never put a real title on your relationship, but you both knew that he loved you. He loved you enough to let you help out on his work. He assigned little tasks for you to do such as organizing his blueprints, creating blueprints, and organizing his tools. Each time you did something, he would reward you with praise. Sometimes the praise would be heart to heart while other times it may be skin to skin. While the praise he provided felt rewarding, you began to worry what may happen if your work wasn't good enough. What if you weren't good enough? What if he stopped finding you useful or attractive? These troubling thoughts had been torturing you recently. But, you kept it all bottled up, worried that he may view you as weak if he knew you were so afraid of failure. Whenever you would work on something, you would sit there for hours on end. Nothing could stop you until you were finished. You did this as a way to imitate Karl and his tireless work. Though, Karl does have powers that help keep his body from shutting down the way yours does. That didn't stop you from constantly pushing yourself overboard, though.

A knot grew larger and larger in your throat as you attempted to sketch out a new blueprint, slouching while sitting on your bed. He had asked you to work on it that morning and it was nearly midnight now. The lines were uneven, your hand writing was messy, and it was easy to see where you had erased and redrawn a lot of little details all over the paper. A single tear fell from your eye and onto the paper, causing a wet spot where the ink began to smear. You ignore your body and minds cry for help by quickly wiping your eyes and acting as if it didn't happen. Your hands were shaking as you applied more details, not being close to finish. Your eyes were twitching, fed up with staring down so harshly at the paper for so long. Suddenly, the door to the room opens.

You jump and face the door, realizing how cramped your neck was from your poor posture. Karl entered the room, obviously tired from a long days work. His eyes looked heavy and he was running his hands through his hair. "Still working on that blueprint, buttercup?", he asks as he walks towards you. You look back at the paper and realize how low quality it was, along with unfinished. You quickly hold the paper to your chest, attempting to block it from him. 'Um it's almost finished I swear! I just n-need to add a few more little details.", you assure him. He holds his hand out. "Let me see.", he raises an eyebrow and begins to wiggle his fingers. You attempt to swallow the knot in your throat as you shakily hand it over.

Your hands clutch each other tightly, digging what's left of your bitten nails into your skin. His eyes scan each inch of the paper and his eyebrows begin to furrow. "What.. is this?", he looks over to you. "What?", you're voice is shaky and cracking, but you attempt to cover it up by clearing your throat. "(Y/N)... you've been in here all day and THIS is all you could do? What have you been doing all day?", his voice began to grow into a semi-shout. It felt like thunder as it shook your body. You take a deep breath, attempting to toughen up to his words. "I really did try! I did exactly what you told me an-" he cuts you off before you can finish. "Really? You did exactly as I told you?! You said you could have this done by tonight and i trusted your judgement. But (Y/N) this shit is useless!"

He continues to fuss, but it was all silent to you. All you could hear was the echo of his voice saying that word. "Useless." The one thing you feared of becoming. The one thing you feared of creating. Your balled fists begin to shake. Your lip begins to quiver and your eyes grow cloudy.

"I'M SORRY!", you cry out before looking down at the floor, failing to control your tears as they fell to the floor. Suddenly, your eyes began to flood. Your stomach and heart felt like they were twisting and turning with guilt. He froze, unsure of how to handle this sudden outburst. "Was I too harsh?", he thought. "I'VE TRIED SO HARD TO BE GOOD ENOUGH. GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! I'VE TRIED TO PERFECT YOUR WORK. I'VE TRIED TO LOOK MY BEST EVERY DAY! FOR YOU! I'VE DONE EVERYTHING YOU'VE TOLD ME TO!", your whole body shakes as you break down. "I never told you that you had to do any of that! What the hell have you been pushing yourself so hard for?", his tone was still stern, but he wasn't angry. He was very concerned, but had no idea how to express it. "I WANTED TO MAKE YOU PROUD!", you continue to cry.

The room was silent other than your quiet sobbing. He didn't know what to say. He had no clue that you had put so much pressure on yourself to impress him. He had no idea on why it mattered so much to you. And in that moment, something in him began to ache. He remembered being like that once. So dead set on making others proud of him no matter what it took. He had no clue what to say due to no one ever being there for him in his time of struggle, so instead he goes for a more physical approach.

He grabs you by the arm and pulls you to his body, holding you close. You bury your face in his chest to try and muffle your cries. He runs his hand through your hair, still confused as to why you pushed yourself so hard for him. "I just..", you sniffle. "I just wanted to be good enough.. for you...", you say as you try to stop crying. He lifted you up, carrying you bridal style to the bed. He crawled up and sat his back against a pillow, continuing to hold you close as you buried your face in his neck.

"Look at me.", he held your chin in between his thumb and pointer finger and waited for you to face him. You sniffle and pull your head up to meet him eye to eye. There was a new look in his eyes. Something unfamiliar to the both of you. Tenderness. "You are good enough. And I am so proud of you. Everyday you make me proud. Every time I look at you I'm proud.", he begins to wipe the tears from your face, struggling to find the right words to say. "Look. You don't need to overwork yourself. The fact that you stick around with me to begin with is enough for me." A small smile begins to grow on your face. The sight warms him and helps reassure him that he didn't say anything dumb.

Once you've seemed to calm down, he pulls you in for a kiss. It was warmer than usual. Softer than usual. And Karl isn't a man known for being soft or gentle. But this kiss was far from rough, but just as passionate. It was reassuring and safe. He pulls away and smiles at the sight of your now blushing face. "There's my pretty girl. Now, if you feel like it... since we're already on the bed.. I think I know a thing or two you can do if you still wanna feel useful.", he offers with a sly grin. You giggle and begin to straddle his lap. "Sounds good to me." you say as his hands start to wander around your hips.

"But, we're gonna be doing something different.", he says as his eyes scan every inch of your body. "What's that?", you go to unbuckle his belt but he grabs your wrist before you can continue. "Tonight's all about you. I wanna make you feel good.", he says. During every sexual situation you've had, you had focused on pleasing him first, not thinking about yourself and your own wants and desires. You don't object, so he moves his hands back to your hips and pulls you off of his body, effortlessly tossing you onto your back on the bed.

He then pins himself above you, towering over you. Your heart races at the new experience and your face glows more and more pink. His eyes meet yours and the sight alone is enough to start making your panties grow wet. He lowers his face down to your neck where he begins to place little kisses. Chills run through your body like ocean waves and you let out a quiet gasp as a kiss turns into a nibble. A hickey begins to form and he lets go, moving his mouth to your ear. "I want you to tell me what you want, buttercup." he whispers in your ear as one of his hands begins to wander across your body. It starts up near your breast where he fondles it gently, earning a lip bite from you. Then, he goes lower to your stomach where he scratches lightly at your skin. You squirm beneath his hand. He smiles and begins to kiss you once more before going even further, slipping his hands into your pants and cupping your vagina through your soaking panties. You gasp while your lips are still connected and he gently tugs on your bottom lip with his teeth, pleased at the reaction he's gotten from you.

"Is this what you want?", he slips two of his fingers into your panties and finds your clit, rubbing it slowly. "Mhm", you whine and press yourself into him. "Goodgirl.", he moves from where he was and makes his way down to your pants. He unbottons them and begins to pull them off. He throws the pants across the room and crawls back towards you on the bed. He removes your shirt and your bra underneath, throwing them in the same direction of the pants. He lowers his head down to one of your hard nipples and wraps his mouth around it, caressing it with his tongue. This causes you to moan quietly and grip the sheets beneath you. Your nipple was already so tender, so the feeling of his tongue was powerful enough to make you squirm. He lowers his hand back into your panties, rubbing your clit with his thumb. Your knees bend inward, trapping his hand between your legs. He chuckles with your nipple gently between his teeth. "Looks like you like this, huh?" You moan in response.

It didn't take long for you to feel a climax building inside you, coming closer and closer to exploding with each touch he inflicted onto your throbbing clit. Moans of all volumes filled the room as you got closer and closer. Then, right when you were about to cum, he stops. You groan in disappointment and look over at him. "I was just warming you up.", he smirks and lays on his back. "Come here.", he commands and pats on his chest, signaling for you to sit there. You do as he says and sit upon his chest. The second you sit down, His strong hands grip onto your hips and he begins to pull your body towards his face. He places you on top of his mouth. The next thing you know, your soaked pussy is being attacked by his tongue. You can't help but let a moan slip out between your lips as he closes is eyes, fully focused on bringing you maximum pleasure. He places each hand on each thigh, gripping them slightly all while his tongue swirls around your clit. You use one hand to grip the headboard of the bed and the other one to grip his hair, tangling your fingers in the grey strands. You grip harder as he sucks on your clit, causing you to throw your head back in pleasure. He let loose a few muffled moans and groans, causing vibrations on your pulsing clit. "Oh fuck Karl!", you feel your body weight sink lower and lower as you melt into the pleasure of his tongue. You begin to grind your hips back and forth, riding out your orgasm. He doesn't mind at all and begins to work harder to finally push you to your limit. With a loud moan, you cum into his mouth.

As you catch your breath and shake on top of him, he grabs you once again and pushes you over onto the bed. His beard was shiny around his lips due to a mixture of your sweat and cum. He looks down at your flustered and flushed face, pleased with what he'd done. You noticed a large bulge protruding from his pants. "I want you.", you pant as you reach over, massaging the hard lump. He responds by stripping, too breathless to verbally respond. Once he's fully naked, he makes his way onto the bed. You take him by the shoulder and pull his face into yours, initiating a passionate make out session. Your tongues caressing one another as you both toss and turn, ending up with you straddling him.

You rub his already throbbing dick, preparing for its entry. It was quite large and veiny. The hair that led from his lower stomach to his pubic area glistened with precum. You position yourself and begin to sit on his dick, letting it slowly fit inside you. Your extra wetness helped lube it. Once it was completely in, Karl groaned, grabbing your ass in his calloused hands. "Fuck.. you're so good.", he encourages. You begin to slowly rise and fall, letting your pussy stretch to comfortably fit his girth. You both moaned quietly. Once you feel comfortable, you wrap your arms around his neck and begin to bounce on it, feeling each thick vein add texture. 'What a good girl..." Every time you made your way back down, you could feel the tip of his dick reach your special spot, making your knees feel weak. As overwhelming as it felt, you couldn't stop. You continued to bounce up and down on his dick as his fingers grip your ass for dear life. "You're doing so good.", he praises you and you thank him by clashing your lips together, sharing sloppy kisses as you both moan with each up and down motion. "Such a good girl.", he begins to squeeze your breast, causing you to squeal and pick up the pace. It felt amazing, but your legs grew weaker and weaker with each motion, and he could tell. You were panting as you fucked yourself senseless on his dick.

"Wait a sec.", he gently pats your ass to get you to stop. You stop and rest your sweaty forehead to his, legs shaking beneath you. You didn't want to stop, but you weren't sure how much longer you could continue. Your legs felt like they were on fire. 'Let me help you.", his hands glide up to your waist where he clutches your sides and begins to bounce you up and down, continuing the motion you could no longer do yourself. You kiss him and whine into his lips as he slams your body up and down, grunting harder each time. "Such a pretty girl.." he pants. "Riding my cock so good..", he begins to slam his hips into you, reaching a point inside you that he's never reached before. You throw your head back and moan, tears of pleasure and bliss begin to form in your eyes. You're both exhausted and so close to finishing. You're whole body felt like it was numb and on fire at the same time as your climax creeped closer and closer.

And with a few more strong pumps into you, you both cum. He lets loose of your sides and wraps his arms around your back, drenching in sweat. You collapse on top of him, unable to move any of your body. Karl places a few more sloppy kisses across your face, his facial hair tickling your skin. "Don't you ever.. ever believe you're not good enough. Got it?", he pressures. You're too exhausted to form words, so you simply nod your head, laying down on his chest. His heart beat was rapid but soothing. Soon enough, it lulled you to sleep. He soon followed, keeping his arms wrapped tight around you the entire time.

#re8 #resident evil 8 #karl heisenberg x you #karl heisenberg headcanon #karl heisenberg headcanons #karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenburg x reader #karl heisenberg angst #karl heisenberg fanfic #karl heisenburg #karl heisenberg smut

[duuhrayliegh]

europe - request

pairing: sebastian stan x singer!reader (seb!pov)

summary: singer!reader writes another song, this one is about seb

warnings: suggestive content (*wink wonk*), language, the works ya know

a/n: this took so long bc im not lyrically inclined and there isn’t even that many lyrics in here. i can’t even guys this was a nice break though. i liked the concept, i hope i lived up to your dreams. :)

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are both open loves!

check out my other writing on my full m.list

Sebastian was doing a press interview for his new movie. It was his first on television interview. First time being back in the studio for The Late Late Show with James Corden. First time since you and him had gotten together. He was eager to see what James had in store for him.

He was wearing a bright yellow shirt paired with a red leather jacket. His legs were clad with a different pair that he wanted to wear originally because you couldn’t get quite enough of his thighs. Had he worn the other pair, there would’ve been a prominent wet spot on one leg where you rode him to your own satisfaction. The memory made him bite his lip and adjust his pants to try to quell his oncoming boner.

“Good luck out there tonight, lovey. You’re gonna crush it.” Your voicemail warmed Sebastian’s heart. He missed you a lot, but you were currently on your own press junket. Your new album finally came out and your manager had been running you ragged. Sebastian was so proud of everything you’ve accomplished, and he wasn’t afraid to show it.

“Hi, Mr. Stan. You’re needed on deck in five minutes.” He nodded at the assistant producer who stuck her head in his dressing room. Sebastian ran his hands through his hair one more time before deciding enough was enough.

“Well, this is as good as it's gonna get.” He murmured to himself as he walked out of the dressing room. He rolled his shoulders, snuggling into the leather jacket encasing his back. Sebastian took a swig of a water bottle from the table backstage. He still got nervous when doing interviews, always worried that he’s going to say the wrong thing.

“And now I would like to introduce our next guest. You’ve seen him as Bucky Barnes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe for the last ten years. He’s played the borderline psychotic Jeff Gillooly in I, Tonya, and the corrupt Sheriff Bodecker from The Devil All The Time. It is my pleasure to introduce the one, the only, Sebastian Stan!”

James stood, clapping as Sebastian made his way to the main set area. He raised his right hand, his left remaining on his stomach. As he approached James, Sebastian switched hands, his left coming up as an offer for James to shake. Afterwards, James held his hand out to the chair beside his desk, waiting for Sebastian to sit down.

“Hi, Sebastian! It’s so good to have you back.” James’ accent broke Sebastian’s name up into three distinct syllables, bringing a smile to Seb’s face.

“It’s good to be back, man.” He grinned big, waiting for James to ask the first question. Once they got into it, the interview went smoothly. Sebastian was able to avoid giving out spoilers for his new project, leaving just enough to the imagination. James was in a fit of laughter after Sebastian had told a crazy story from being on set. James wiped tears away from his lower lashline, calming down just enough to catch his breath.

“Okay, so I want to move onto something else.” Sebastian sobered up quickly, unsure of where James was taking the conversation. “We want all the juicy details about your relationship with Y/N.” Sebastian’s brow raised as he pulled a face at James’ question. He laughed to himself for a minute before answering.

“Ya know, we really have you to thank for that.” Sebastian pointed at James, before bringing that same finger to rub his eye.

“Really?” The man’s voice pitched up, brows hitting his hairline.

“Oh yeah. We were only introduced because of your show.” Sebastian leaned back in his chair, remembering that night with you. The two of you had gone out for drinks, talking for hours at the bar and then even longer in his hotel room. He remembered waking up with you wrapped up in his arms. You didn’t have sex that night, but you definitely did the second night.

And oh god, if  that second night wasn’t just as amazing as the first. The face you made whenever you climaxed danced it’s way to the forefront of Sebastian’s mind. Not good, definitely not good. He had to readjust himself in his pants again, crossing his legs to cover up his rather large problem.

“Yeah, we started dating that same week. Kept it quiet though.” Sebastian held his palm out in the air, bouncing it up and down.

“Right, right. And do you want to tell everyone how you did end up revealing that you and Y/N were an item?” Sebastian looked down at his lap, smirking to himself. “Or should we just play the clip?”

A clip played for the studio audience. It was Y/N doing her makeup for the Vogue Beauty Secrets Youtube video. Sebastian waltzed in the background of the shot. It then cuts to Sebastian kissing Y/N on the cheek, brandishing the hickey’s that she had sucked onto his cheek the night before. Mhm, I remember that night too.

Sebastian had surprised Y/N by coming to see her. He wasn’t doing anything and he missed you, so why waste a perfectly good opportunity. He spent the night there completely ravishing you until you begged him to stop. That night he proudly wore your thighs as earmuffs, burying his face in you. He really needed to stop reminiscing during an interview.

“How adorable. Was that planned at all? Or did you just do that because you could?” Sebastian shook his head, his right hand scratching at the stubble decorating his jaw.

“Oh, no. It definitely wasn’t planned. I honestly don’t remember if I knew Y/N was filming that morning, so I’m just glad I put on pants before I left the bedroom.” James laughed at Sebastian’s comment.

“Okay, so I’ve gotta ask your opinion on something though.” Sebastian made a hum of acknowledgement, signalling for James to continue. James leaned back, pulling out a cardstock of your new album. “So, this is Y/N’s new album, it just came out about three or four weeks ago?” The crowd clapped for you, and Sebastian cheered along with them.

“What do ya want my opinion on? If it’s the album, then I gotta tell ya, I loved it. Every single song on there is absolutely amazing.” James nodded, a smirk forming on his lips making Sebastian think he made a mistake.

“So you’re aware of the song Europe?” Sebastian smirked, nodding his head because he knew where this was going. “Would you like to tell us what that’s about?” James laughed as Sebastian stammered, looking for the right words. “I mean, let’s just read some of the lyrics.” James looked at the cards in his hands as Sebastian drifted into his thoughts again.

You had brought him into the studio before finalizing Europe. He remembers watching you twist your hands at your waist and continuously cracking your knuckles. Sebastian was curious because you hadn’t ever been like that when showing him a song before. Every question he had about your anxiety revolving around the song was thrown away when he heard it.

Europe was an ode to Sebastian, all of Sebastian. He couldn’t help pulling you down onto his lap by your waist as he listened. You were the only two in the studio, so the two of you were free to do whatever you wanted. The funny thing about that night was that there was a new track recording.

“Oh shit, Seb.” The dam broke afterwards, peels of laughter leaving your lips without explanation. Your right hand raised to your mouth, attempting (and failing) to quiet your giggles.

“Babe, why the ‘oh shit’?” You held up a finger to your lips, telling him to be quiet and listen. He strained his ears, waiting for his own ‘oh shit’ moment. Then, his own voice filtered into his ears, making him crease his brow in confusion. “What is that?”

“That’s the audio from when I first played you Europe.” Small giggles passed your lips again. “I was going to ask you if I could use, like, a sound byte from it for either the beginning or the end of the song.” Sebastian nodded, slightly amazed that you were so creative with your work. “But, I forgot to turn off the recording.” Sebastian’s eyes locked on your expression, waiting for him to connect the dots. He pulled a face and then,

“Oh shit.” His eyes widened, a huff of laughter escaping. “Wait, so it caught all of it?” Your lips rolled inwards, holding back laughs as you nodded your head. Sebastian raised a brow, his eyes flicking over your face. “Use it.” He had a few new hickeys after that night too, but not after decorating your body with a few of his own.

“Sebastian, I would like you to read a few lines from the song, please.” James handed Sebastian a card, a snort leaving Sebastian’s body involuntarily. He glanced at the cards, know the lyrics by heart already. He took a big breath, reading the lines that James chose. He threw him a look with his eyes, head tilting slightly toward the British man.

“Uh, okay, here we go.” Sebastian laughed to himself, blowing out a breath through clenched lips. He lifted the card again, “You know,” dropping his hand back to his lap while raising his other hand. “You know, she’s gonna make fun of me for this right?” James laughed, looking into the camera as if he was on The Office, then to the audience with a duh look on his face.

“Sebastian. We’re going to make fun of you.” The crowd didn’t hesitate to join in James’ amusement. Sebastian dropped his head into his hands, groaning loudly. “Do you need a little encouragement?” The audience began cheering and clapping for Sebastian.

“Fine, alright, alright.” He shook his head before starting. “Long nights with hickeys earned like a badge of honor. Teasing kisses, twisted sheets, all signs of true seduction.” Sebastian looked up from his hands, expecting James to say something. All James offered, though, was a wave of his hand for Sebastian to continue. “I never have to worry because all my sins are forgiven when I’m with you.” James held his hand up, stopping Sebastian from continuing.

“Okay, let’s dissect that, Mr. Stan.” James propped his elbow on his interview desk, placing his head at an angle in his palm. “What is this song about?” Sebastian’s lips curled inward, stopping himself from laughter.

“James,” Sebastian leaned forward against the arm of the couch. “I thought this was a family show.” The British man quirked a brow, sweeping both hands in front of his body gesturing to the studio.

“This is the Late Late Show, Sebastian.” He turned back to the audience, addressing them and the cameras. “And that is all the time we have tonight! Thank you to Sebastian for coming on the show with me tonight! And thank all of you for tuning in tonight. We’ll see you next time.” The producer beside the camera signaled that the show ended and Sebastian turned back to James.

“It’s a good song.” Sebastian smiled wide afterwards, saying his goodbyes to the crew. He was back in the safety of his dressing room when his phone started ringing.

“Hello?” He knew that it was you from the personally assigned ringtone you picked out when he wasn’t looking.

“The Internet is going to eat you alive.” Sebastian grinned as your peels of laughter trickled in through the speaker of his phone.

“Oh yeah, could you imagine if I told them that it wasn’t just random sounds at the end?” He could just imagine your smirk at his mention of your little addition to Europe.

“We’re gonna have to do that again.” Sebastian paused, waiting for you to explain. “Although I think next time we should do a visual along with the audio. You pickin’ up what I’m putting down Stan?” Sebastian smirked to himself, thinking about being able to watch himself bring you to the brink over and over again, even when you’re not together. His pants got tighter at the idea.

“I think we might have to look into that, Y/L/N.”

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fan fiction #sebastian stan fan fic #sebastian stan #seb stan x reader #seb stan x you #seb stan x y/n #seb stan imagine #seb stan fanfic #seb stan fan fiction #seb stan fan fic #seb stan fanfiction #seb stan #seb stan x singer!reader #seb stan x singer!y/n #sebastian stan x singer!reader #sebastian stan x singer!y/n #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x f!reader #seb stan x f!reader #seb stan x female reader #seb stan x famous!y/n #seb stan x famous!reader #sebastian stan x famous!reader #sebastian stan x famous!y/n

[just-some-random-blogger]

Bootylicious

Stray Kids Bang Chan x Idol!Reader Summary: You're known as the gym rat in your group, and quite frankly, you only have two moods: shredding or chilling. This was why when you're not asleep in between schedules, you're spotted with a male idol you happened to meet in the gym you were at that day. It's a known fact though, that you and Bang Chan are gym buddies and each other's spotter. Word Count: 2k+ Warnings: Internet toxicity, sasaengs, vulgar language, sexism, misogyny, pining, fluff, mentions of Pentagon because why not <3, etc.

A/N: Girl, i shouldn't do this but I did. It's so funny to me someone requested this cause I have recently become an exercise junkie lol. Also, if you can't tell, there is a pov shift after the cut so yeah. I also wanted to keep the reader gender neutral but I want to write about how psychotically different people treat male and female idols because that stuff aint it. It's most definitely not what anon was expecting me to write but I hope they enjoy it nonetheless.

There's compilation in YT with growing parts centered around you flexing your physical fitness and prowess. It ranges from you affectionally touring your fans, which really meant the cameraman, through the gym, introducing your trainer, and doing your routine on camera, to your group (and others) both fawning and bragging about how strong and how hot you are.

CLIP #1: A scene from an interview of your group in Japan, struggling to talk about how you can do 40 straight push ups.

There was a male interviewer in a suit you could all faintly recognize was talking about your recent Instagram post of a gym mirror selfie.

One of your youngest members smirked and in broken Japanese, cutely said, "Wah, she does 100 push ups! Everyday, every night."

You snap your head to the maknae and raise your brows, "nani?" You begin to shake your hands in protest and begin to explain your truth, "absolutely not 100. Maybe around 40, but nooooo, not 100."

The interviewer and your group comically react in awe. The man in the suit urges, "can you show us?"

You give a face, "Excuse me, but I'm not getting paid to do that in this miniskirt."

Everyone, including the film crew, break into laughter.

CLIP #2: A scene from a variety show where you had to prove you were, in fact, yourself, by doing a shortened version of your exercise routine.

One of the hosts of the show asks, "Wait, do you honestly do all of this in your workout? Like you can do all of it?"

The list of your exercises were written on a colourful cardboard, held by the one who just spoke. It was a range of exercises in 10 sets, from jumping jacks to sit ups, to vague sounding exercises like crab pinches and robot arms.

You purse your lips at the last question asked of you, not really liking the tone in which it was asked. You answer quickly and nod proudly, "I actually do more, cause when I get in the zone and I'm already really sweaty, I feel like I should keep going until my whole body burns." You chuckle.

The older hosts, tilt their head and mutter lowly under their breath something along the lines of, "I'd rather die."

You finally do the routine, quickly, continuously, earning impressed reactions from everyone.

"That's hot," one of the hosts note.

"Ya, for some reason it looks easy to do."

The hosts begin to clamour at that statement, and force whoever said to do the exact thing you did. Clearly, they don't work out as much as you do and cannot even get halfway through it without stopping.

You break out into a breathless laugh in amusement of the comical attempt but then protest, explaining how bad it is to force yourself to do more than you can

CLIP #3: Pentagon, Hongseok especially, fawns over how fit you are

Trailing a conversation about how your group is close with Pentagon because your companies are situated closely to each other and you wind up eating together a lot, there is an anecdote about how there was a jar no one could open, no one but you, that is.

The interviewer asks no one in particular, "wah, none of you could open the jar? Really? Or did you all just pretend so she could open it?"

There is a chorus of answers concluding with, "no really, she was the only one that was able to open it."

The story is backed up by how the jar had a really small lid and some hands were too big. Then came an explanation how you were recently into the new rock climbing machine in your gym.

Hongseok speaks up, "I was invited to go to rock climbing in, like, an actual rock climbing place and I was honestly so surprised when she began to climb. She said she never actually tried rock climbing on a wall, but it seemed like she had been doing it for years."

Shinwon agrees, "Right, right. I was also really curious about what they did that day," he points to Hongseok, "that I joined them one time. I never felt so out of shape in my life. I just stayed back and filmed everything."

Pentagon laughs, and then agrees that you were exceptionally fast and just super fit in all honesty.

The interviewer catches Hongseok's expression then suddenly asks, "do you like a woman like that?"

"Yeah, I like my women strong."

Then came a lot of teasing remarks from Pentagon, and a plethora of complaints from delusional fans who did not want Hongseok to ever breathe in your direction again.

With all that's been said about that, in all the parts of this series floating around in the internet, one thing remained, there was a slightly larger population of impressed fans than the still large portion of antifans who wanted nothing to do with it and only came around to hate.

It's hard not to think about it, but even the slightest back handed compliment can sometimes linger in one's mind.

And right now, as much as I kept my mind on my counting as I finished my set high knees, I couldn't help but think of how much backlash I got from posting a post workout photo with my midriff exposed.

Apparently that was not only enough to merit hate for being both a whore and an attention whore, but people baselessly began to hate on my groupmates simply for being associated with me.

It's kind of sad really, how, say Wonho, can post a fairly exposed photo of himself and get so much praise for it, and yet I couldn't even do anything remotely close to that.

And I don't even mean to come at Wonho, we all know he's a beast at the gym and should be able to show as much of his hard work as he is comfortable in showing, but why can't I?

"Hey trooper. I thought you said you were only doing 80 counts?" a voice cracks me out of my train of thought.

I turn to whom spoke and chuckle at myself as I stop my leg raises, "ah yeah, I got lost in thought, and your really good song."

I pull on my earphones and give a lopside smile, "I love working out to God's Menu."

He gives a soft, "he he, thanks."

"No need for a thank you when I'm only giving my honest opinion, Chan."

"Yeah, well still, it makes my kokoro go doki-doki," he sniggers, crossing his arms and flashing a dimpled smile. I raise my upper lip and reel back, "EWWW!"

I playfully shove him. He acts hurt, "this is violence against children."

"Chan, you're literally older than me."

"That doesn't mean I'm not a child at heart."

"You mean, it doesn't mean you're not a drama queen."

"Hey, I have no interest in having a throne, my only interest is," he leans in and whispers, "you."

I feel my soul leave my body as he snorts to himself and runs away. I regurgitate in surprise, "YA!"

"You better do your next set properly," Chan says heading off to a cable row machine, "I'm always watching."

I try to ignore the blood rushing up your neck, "creep."

He shrugs, "rather that or have you get injured, sweet heart."

Yeah, Chan has saved me from a lot of injuries I could have had. It was a bad habit. It stemmed from the same thing that made me mess up my count a while ago, my overthinking.

Sometimes I thought of rather harmless things, but sometimes I began to fixate on the hate I received for simply being. I do a lot to get my mind to realize that they hated me simply because they could and because it was easy. Exercising helped tremendously, especially when I had someone fun to work out with, especially when I was with Chan. He just... made me feel safe, y'know.

But when the news of us being work out buddies surfaced, a lot of sasaengs came for me. Of course, a lot of Stays and my own fans were really kind about, speaking out that we were our own people and exercising together did not mean anything in particular really.

But some really went for it, and made it a hobby to comment on everything I was in that I was a slut for 'working out' with different men every day."

I let out a breath as I finish my routine. I catch my breath and go for a swig of my water. I take a moment then sit down by the mirror, which was near where Chan was currently working out.

"You're doing it again."

I turn from where I was blankly staring at turn to Chan who gave me a soft look, "you good?"

I release a sigh then purse my lips, "maybe."

He pouts, "what happened?"

I shrug and stand from where I sat, "you know, the usual."

Chan then comes up to me and takes my water bottle from me, "you know, no matter how much people say you don't need water to live, you can never change the fact that you are extremely dependent on water to live."

I look at him and half- heartedly point, "are you calling me thirsty?"

He begrudgingly groans and releases a chuckle. He calls my name out in a scolding tone. I feel myself relax, "I know what you're getting at Chan."

He nods, "good. I'll always be here to remind you of that."

I smile and feel an urge to hug him, "if you weren't so sweaty, I would totally hug you right now."

Chan then gives me a look then does not hesitate to crush me into his arms. I groan and whine in protest. He chuckles, "you literally just said you wanted a hug!"

"YOU'RE LITERALLY SO SWEATY. NO ONE WANTS THIS TORTURE."

Chan huffs and gives a wounded look, "hmp. You better spot me while I lift or else I'm unfriending you."

"Hmm... I think I'll be good without you as a friend."

I half expect Chan to whine about it, but he instead smirks, "ahhhh, you must want me to be your boyfriends so badly huh."

I- I mean...

CLIP #4: A crack edit of Chan when he gets asked about his gym relationship with me in Chan's Room.

He was looking through the questions and suddenly chuckles, his ears noticeably began to redden. Cue a zoom in of his face and his red ears. Cue a clip of Cardi B saying, "that's suspicious."

He says my name then continues, "am I close with her? Yeah. I would say I'm close with her-- and her whole group actually."

Captioned: Nice save, Chris.

"The kids and I are close with her group," he says, clearing his throat.

A clip of him clearing his throat is repeated about ten times.

Chan adjust the beanie he was wearing as he thinks of what he was going to say next, "we actually do work out together a lot because she's under a trainer that works with my trainer."

Captioned: Sure, Chan. That's the only reason, right?

Chan catches another question, "Is she a beast in the gym like Hongseok says?" He breaks into a laugh. He then rubs his cheek and grits his teeth.

A clip of someone saying, "Oh he's jealous," flashes on screen.

"Yeah," Chan finally says, "she's got a really high stamina."

Cue the clip, WHAT DID HE SAY?

Chan continues, "she can go between exercises without stopping. she doesn't even take that much time to catch her breath. In fact, she sings while exercising sometimes, which helps make her vocals stable."

Captioned: Queen Tingz.

The next thing that happens is Chan breaks into a laugh and begins to chuckle. He says, "Sorry I saw a funny comment."

Captioned: WHAT HE MEANS IS HE SAW A COMMENT SAYING 'SHUT UP CHRIS, YOU'RE WHIPPED."

Then came these comments:

LITERALLY LOOK AT HOW FLUFFY BANG CHAN GETS WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT HER DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME MY SHIP IS ALIVE

They are dating period. prove me wrong. you cant

Chan literally blushes over anything, buT HE TURNED INTO A TOMATO WHEN HE TALKED ABOUT HER BYE

if you hate on your faves loving each other, you most definitely need Jesus (:

PLEASE CAN YOU SEE HOW WHIPPED THEY ARE FOR EACH OTHER

Yeah... it's not been confirmed to this day.

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #bang chan fanfic #chan fanfic #bang chan fluff #stray kids fluff #bang chan gif #stray kids request #chan imagine #stray kids x reader #stray kids au #bang chan au #bang chan x reader #pentagon fanfic #pentagon wooseok #bang chan x idol!reader #chan x idol!reader #stray kids gif #bang chan smut #bang chan angst #chan fluff #hongseok fanfic

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

okay but like... i just finished rereading unplanned and i'm really wondering: what would the conversation between MC and Harry look like about him writing Fine Line about her? - unplanned obsessed anon <3

WOW inspiration struck with this!!!

U N P L A N N E D Fine Line blurb

Jane was asleep in the backseat, her head tilted side to side in her carseat, her fluttering eyelashes visible in the tiny mirror strapped to the headrest.

You let out a sigh, relaxed into the passenger seat when Harry accelerated onto the freeway.

"Good?"

"Tired," you admitted, pinching the bridge of your nose. Jane had been good at Jeff and Glenne's party, learning how to walk had her yawning and rubbing her eyes by the time the sun went down.

"I know she's the one learning to walk, but I feel just as tired as she seems," Harry commented, distracted by his attempt to change lanes.

"Tell me about it," you said, crossing your arms over your chest as you thought back over the evening.

Not a huge gathering, a dinner party with friends and glasses of wine sipped in the kitchen as Glenne let Jane grab her fingers and toddle around the house.

But she'd accidentally planted a seed in your head that now--in the quiet cabin of Harry's Tesla--had begun to sprout roots.

You've had quite the year, Jeff had clapped Harry on the back. Glenne agreed, smiled with Jane on her hip earlier that evening. Plenty of things to write songs about!

You stole a glance in his direction, felt nervous but curious with a sprinkle of flattered. "So--I know Jeff and Glenne were kind of teasing you, but, have you started writing for a new album?"

He glanced in the rearview mirror, either to check on a sleeping Jane or to get a glimpse of the sedan behind you.

"Yeah," he said casually. "A bit."

"A bit?" You smiled.

"A bit," he nodded, offered a challenging smirk when he looked over at you quickly.

You nodded, unsure if you wanted to press him harder.

Silence for a second, but he could tell the wheels were turning.

He kept his eyes on the road, but spoke slowly when he decided to see what buttons he could push. "You're asking if I'm writing, but it sounds like you're curious about what I'm writing."

You looked out the window, shrugged to play it cool. "Not really."

"Not really?" He looked at you now, amused by how willing you were to be dishonest.

"No," you turned and looked at him, trying to fight the smile that threatened to expose you.

"Hmm," he nodded, looked back to the freeway and let it go.

You waited a beat, shifted in the passenger seat before asking: "but if I were asking what you were writing about, would you tell me?"

"If you were asking?"

You nodded.

"I might tell you some," he shrugged. "M'actually surprised it's taken you this long to get nosy."

"Get nosy?" You held a hand to your chest, voice still quiet to not disturb Jane.

"Uh, yeah," he let out a laugh. "As if I didn't notice last year when you hummed along to the album despite saying you didn't want to hear it before it came out."

You rolled your eyes. Whatever, fine--you told him a long time ago that you had snuck a CD, listened with Glenne and Lexi and tried to dissect the lyrics.

"I was just curious," you defended.

"Right," he smiled. "Only because I told you that one of them was about you."

Another eye roll, you let out a sigh this time but laughed. He'd never really addressed it like this, never really said that pieces of you were threaded into his latest project.

"I think it's fair to get nosy when someone says they wrote a song about you!"

He eyed you with arched eyebrows.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said. "Kind of shocked you're able to sit here with me and not cringe."

"About the song?"

"Yeah," he shrugged, a smile still on his face.

"So it is about me?"

"You're ridiculous," he laughed.

"That's not an answer."

"You didn't pry it out of Jeff or Glenne?"

"I did, but hearing it from you feels different."

He reached over and grabbed your hand, pulled it up to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the back of it. "It's about both of you."

You looked over your shoulder, Jane's chest rose and fell as she slept, perfectly unaware of the song that tugged at your heartstrings no matter how many times you heard it.

story page

#unplanned #unplanned blurb #WOW #this was fun and cute i miss them

[rubysunnday]

your song | c.b

Summary: Being in love with Colin Bridgerton is hard when the man keeps running off to different continents for months at a time. But the letters he writes and the songs he sends keep the romance alive.

It had been six, long months since Y/N had last seen Colin Bridgerton.

He had gone off travelling again, disappearing off one night with nothing more than a kiss on the cheek goodbye and a promise to write.

The romance between Y/N and Colin had struck out of nowhere. One night they'd been dancing as nothing more than friends and the next moment, there was something more. The way his hands tightened on her waist whenever Cressida said something mean felt different. The way he wrote her notes with every bunch of flowers he sent read differently.

The way he took her hand as she stepped out a carriage, his fingers gently entwining with hers, felt different.

Y/N had fallen head over heels for a man who hated staying in the same place for more than a week. And it was annoying.

He'd written to her more than he had his own family. He wrote to her everyday, judging from the dates on his letters and they arrived in bundles from the postman, all tied with a ribbon that somehow managed to match the dress she was wearing that day.

In the dozens of letters Colin had sent her, he wrote down every detail of the place he was in from the sunsets to the colour of the postboxes. The friends he was traveling with were both music students, desperate for either a career break or to find a new purpose in life.

One of them, Freddy, has been teaching me about the beauty of song writing and how all great pieces of music begin. I'm nowhere near the grandure of Mozart or the beauty of Beethoven or any musicale we've ever attended, but I'm enjoying it nonetheless.

I've found that in my writings there's always one thing I can never quite describe correctly. I search through books for the right words that could even begin to do you justice, my dear Y/N, but I find none. There's no word for describing the way you watch a musicale, or the way you talk about art and reading. There's no word on earth that could do you justice.

So, I hope this poor man's attempt at a song, written under strict guidance and a watchful eye, will begin to convey, just how much I love you.

Y/N had read the letter over and over, her eyes scouring each and every line, taking in the sloppy slant of Colin's handwriting and how he smudged the ink in his desperation to write and write and write.

She pulled out the final sheet of the letter and let out a small surprised gasp. It was a piece of music, the notes written precisely and intricately, the lyrics written messily and scrunched up underneath it. It was obvious which part Colin had been trusted with.

To Y/N

Your Song - by Colin Bridgerton

Y/N stood up from her desk and walked over to the pianoforte that sat in the corner of her room, covered in a thin layer of dust. Y/N wasn't an expert on the pianoforte, her and Colin had bonded over their failed attempts at playing. Colin could sing, though. And as Y/N read through the lyrics, tentatively playing a couple of notes on her dust keys, she could hear him singing it, his hand in her hair as they watched the sunset from the garden bench at Bridgerton House.

Their romance had been kept quiet. The ton was used to the two being openly affectionate with each other, constantly hugging or holding hands and none of them realised when it turned from friendship to romance.

Y/N and Colin had sat in the rose garden of Aubrey Hall one summer night, the sounds of the ball drifting over to them along the gentle breeze. Colin had quietly begun singing along to the song, his hands gently tracing a dance on Y/N's bare arm as she rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes shut.

Colin's singing voice was beautiful. And as Y/N played the song he'd written for her, she could imagine him sitting beside her and singing along, his hands over hers as she slowly played the notes.

Attending the opera without him felt bizarre. They'd begun a routine of sitting next to each other in the box, sharing the opera glasses and softly commenting on the music, the costumes, the lighting.

Y/N sat down in the box, scooting her chair close to the balcony. Her mother sat down next to her and sighed happily as she took in the view.

"Isn't this lovely?" She asked, picking up her opera glasses and looking through them at the stage. "I do love a concert."

Y/N said nothing, merely nodded. She kept thinking back to Colin's letter, of his promised return home in time for the concert. In time for him to sit down next to her, take her hand, and whisper about the music.

Y/N glanced up at the box the Bridgerton's sat in and tried not to let out a defeated sigh - still no Colin. Francesca caught her looking and gave her a sympathetic smile along with a shake of her head and Y/N turned back to the stage, trying not to let the disappointment sink in.

The orchestra began warming up, the music notes blending in with the quiet chatter of the audience. Y/N couldn't stop her eyes from constantly scanning the audience, the stage, the boxes, for any sign of Colin.

An excited whisper went over the audience as the lights were dimmed and the lights on the stage that illuminated the thick, red curtain were turned on.

For a minute there was silence. And then the orchestra began playing as the curtain flew up, revealing the actors on the stage.

My gift is my song, and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody

Y/N felt her heart do a bizarre skip. She recognised those words. She'd read them over and over again each night before she went to sleep. The piece of paper they had arrived on was now well worn and creased and she'd meticulously copied out the notes and the lyrics for fear of loosing them.

She scanned the audience again and felt her heart stop. The concert faded away as she focused on the man standing in the corner near the side door, a tiny smile on his face.

Colin Bridgerton stood with his hands behind his back, smiling up at her, his chin covered in the stubble of a beard. He was tanner then before and his hair had gotten lighter but it was still Colin.

Her Colin.

You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue Anyway the thing is, what I really mean Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

Y/N giggled and felt a smile appear on her face as she gave Colin the smallest wave possible, not wanting to attract attention. Colin waved back and nodded to the door that led to the auditorium. Y/N nodded in return and watched Colin disappear out the side door.

"Go on, then," Y/N's mother said, tapping her daughter's knee. "Go find him."

Y/N quietly slipped from her seat and pushed open the curtain, blinking at the bright lights in the corridor.

As she made her way down to the auditorium, she could hear angry voices that were trying not to yell. She rounded the corner and saw Anthony, Violet and Benedict Bridgerton all standing in front of a bemused looking Colin.

"You said you'd be back by the concert!" Anthony hissed, clearly irritated by Colin's lateness.

"It's hardly my fault the train got stuck by a tree, is it, Anthony?" Colin asked, sighing. "I'm here now, however, am I not? Stop fussing."

Anthony went off again, flailing his limbs around as he tried to knock some sense into Colin, his mother trying to be the peace maker between the two as Benedict tried, and failed, not to laugh.

"This isn't funny, Benedict!" Anthony snapped, turning to face his other brother as he snorted.

Benedict's smirk faded as he realised he was about to be on the end of Anthony's rant. He sighed and crossed his arms, physically bracing himself as Anthony went off again.

Colin, looking both bemused and annoyed at his family, turned and spotted Y/N, hovering at the stop of the stairs. His face fell from an annoyed smirk into a stunned smile as he stared up at her.

"They're actually both," Y/N said to Colin, her voice quiet enough that the three other Bridgerton's present had yet to realise she was there.

"What are?" Colin asked, walking up to meet her, taking each step slowly.

"My eyes," Y/N replied, smiling, dropping the skirt of her dress. "They're both colours."

Colin chuckled and looked like he was blushing. "I told you I wasn't good at song writing."

"Everyone else seemed to enjoy it," she replied as she heard the audience applaud loudly.

"Because Freddy worked on it for months until tonight," Colin replied. "Even then he wasn't sure about performing it. If he'd performed the version I'd written the ton would be complaining. I'm not very good at it."

"I think you're better at it than you believe, Mr Bridgerton," Y/N said as she continued walking down until they were both on the large step that broke up the stairs. "I'm not sure about the beard, however."

"Why?" Colin asked, a hand subconsciously flying to his chin and running across the stubble.

"Well, it just means that every time I go to kiss you, I will have to be tickled and scratched by it," she replied, her hand covering the one resting on his chin. She entwined her fingers with his. "But I can live with that."

Colin laughed and leant forward, kissing Y/N with the passion and desperation of not seeing her for six months. His hand rested on the back of her head, carefully minding her hair as his thumb stroked her skin.

"I think I'm going to stay here for now," Colin said softly, breaking apart from her, resting his forehead on hers. "Stay with you."

Y/N looked up at him, feeling his breath on her cheeks. "Colin Bridgerton, are you -"

"Yes," Colin said, cutting her off. "I am. Because it took being apart from you for six months to realise what I was missing. To realise that I travel the world searching for purpose and reason, when, in reality, my reason is you. The purpose of my entire being is you.

"Without you, I'm half a man. Without you, the travelling begins to feel like running away and I don't want to run from you. I want to take your hand and run with you. Forever if we wanted. I can run until you can't run anymore. And when you can't run anymore, I'll carry you."

Y/N smiled, pressing her lips together as she savoured the taste of his kiss. "Words are your forte, Mr Bridgerton," she said softly, stroking the side of his head, threading her fingers through his curls. "I'll run with you to the end of the world and back again. I'll take your hand in mine and I will never let you go. Not again."

Colin pressed his lips to her and Y/N smiled against his lips before returning the kiss. He smelt of his cologne, the sweet caramel biscuits he loved and, somehow, the floral, homely scent of Bridgerton House

He smelt of home. He was her home. Simply being in his arms was enough.

"I've just realised something," Colin whispered in her ear.

Y/N looked up at him, staring into his eyes. "What?"

"My family is watching us."

Y/N glanced behind him and saw the three Bridgerton's pretending to occupy themselves with anything else. Benedict was investigating a painting, Anthony was admiring the ceiling and Violet had been reading the program but glanced up at them with a smile.

And despite it all, Y/N let out a snort of laughter and dropped her head on to Colin's shoulder. "Of course they are."

Colin giggled, actually giggled, and rested his head on top of hers. "Better get used to it, love, I doubt they'll ever stop staring."

#bridgerton #bridgerton imagine #bridgerton x reader #colin bridgerton x reader #colin bridgerton imagine #colin bridgerton #bridgerton imagines

[darkacademicfrom2021]

It’s very ambiguous

Pairing: Loki x reader (gender neutral)

Summary: You have finally come to age; your soulmate mark draws itself in your skin. You can't figure out who it connects you with, but, oh dear, you can only hope and wish it is to him. But Loki won't make it easy for you to find out. Will you both overcome the pride and fear that would involve your love?

Word count: 4.6 K

Warnings: a bit of angst. (English is not my mother tongue and it’s my first time writing fanfiction in english, so forgive me if there’s any errors, and feel free to correct them!)

Sighing at your reflection, you stared for the Norns know how long to the fresh image that drew itself in the side of your abdomen.

You thanked it was easy to hide; saving you endless mockery from your friends if they saw that. The vivid portrayal of who you loved the most, in the most ambiguous drawing you could’ve ever gotten. How ironic.

What the Heavens would that mean, you asked yourself at least five times until the impatient knocking on the bathroom door pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Hurry up, we’re late”, said Sif. You knew she was already all dressed up for the Ball, and she would kill you, seeing you were still on your robes. You opened the bathroom door slowly, with burrowed frows. You couldn’t hide it, as much as you tried to. “Oh, for God’s sa…” she started complaining, but stopped as soon as she realized you were in a terrible state of mind.

“I got it”, you explained after she made you get out of the bathroom and sat you on the edge of the bed. “I got the mark. Impossible to guess”.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll know who they is when the time is right”, said she, comforting you and eyeing the outfit you’d chosen earlier. “But crytime is over. Guess what time it is now. Yes, you guessed right. The Ball”.

The last thing you wanted to do in that moment was to dance; or to stay in a chair drinking wine the entirety of the night, for that matter. You didn’t need another reminder of your frustrated attempts at making him notice you. And you knew he wasn’t the one (if he were your soulmate, it would’ve already happened years; no, decades ago). But you still couldn’t help but falling in love at every little smirk, every little comment, every little thing he did. Dear, you were lost, completely gone in love.

That’s why you knew you wouldn’t find your soulmate for a long, long time. At least not until your crush for Loki had finally gone away.

“I’d rather stay”, you stated, and she rolled her eyes.

“Well, I want to go, and I can’t go alone. Please, at least do it for me”.

“Why would you want to go? Ever since we’re on age of being asked to dance, we have only gotten invitations from… well, anyone except them. And in the Balls we can’t even be their friends”.

“We can be friends, if they talk to us first we can talk back”.

“Yeah, we could, but they don’t talk first. They never do”.

Both of you were completely lost for the princes. But, unlike you, Sif had a chance with Thor. She was graceful, divine, a wonderful woman; a whole Goddess, an amazing warrior. There was no question Thor would sooner or later find love in her friend. But you… why would a prince like Loki lay his eyes on you? Romantically, he never showed a single trace of interest in anyone, much less someone in his friendgroup. You were the closest to him, yet he never said a thing.

He probably knew you drooled over him. He must have noticed how you looked at him in the library when he read to you, how you always defended him from everyone else’s mockery, how you intentionally pretended like you didn’t know any better in spells so that he could help you out. How your heartbeat raced when he fell asleep on your lap. He must have noticed, yet he said nothing.

She finally managed to convince you to go, with the condition that if you weren’t asked to dance at all, or even talk, you’d go back to your manor early.

You got in your best clothes, and undressing the best attitude possible, you both arrived at the palace and entered the ballroom as quick as your feet let you. The ambient was marvelous. Subtle lighting, most of them by candles. The golden details that characterized Asgard so well were everywhere. Both King and Queen were sat in their thrones, waiting patiently for the rest of the royal family to arrive before giving the annual speech and getting the party started.

“Do you think they’re not coming?” asked Sif as you got comfortable in your seats, eyeing the entrances.

“They can’t miss it, they’re sort of the hosts”, you said, “but… well, I don’t know. The other day after training, Thor mentioned something about this year being particularly difficult for them”, you added in such a low whisper that Sif had to pull closer.

“What did he say? He didn’t mention anything to me”, she whispered back. You two looked like you were merely gossiping, if it weren’t for the lack of giggling that would usually follow.

“He said… he said something along the lines of ‘we’re expected so much more than before in these dances, they’re more than just for fun now’, and, Sif, I think he meant…”, but she abruptly interrupted you.

“Courting? Oh, for the Norns, they’re not expected to choose a partner now, so soon, aren’t they?”.

“Soon? Sif, they’re already at each other’s throats for who’s becoming King, and they have been for a while”.

“They’re not exactly competing, anyways. You don’t have to worry about this. It’s not like Loki’s the one winning” said she, earning a subtle kick in the leg. “Auch!”.

“Would you stop being so hard on him?”.

“You know I’m right!”. 

“You know it hurts him. If you think so, at least keep it to yourself, Sif”.

You could’ve kept lecturing her if it weren’t for the sarcastic clapping of the Queen upon seeing the arrival of her sons. You read the ‘you’re late!’ on her lips and the apologetic looks on their faces. But nothing of that distracted you from admiring how marvelous Loki could get sometimes. Just when you thought he couldn't look any better, he outdid himself. You let out a sigh and Sif laughed.

“You’re staring”.

“And rightfully so. Look at him”.

But no matter how much you looked at him for the whole evening, you couldn’t get even a gaze from him. He didn’t even eyed you from the distance. You would’ve even gotten actually mad at him if it weren’t for the fact that he wasn’t looking anywhere. He didn’t seem like he was avoiding you; he was actively staring at the floor, with the saddest look on his face. And Thor looked pissed off.

“There’s a story in there and I will ask for as many details as possible once Loki spills the beans to you”, said Sif, elbowing you.

“I don’t think he will. Look, it looks like more than a fight. He looks so upset”.

You could only wish you were brave enough to break the stupid rule of the royals approach first so you could take his hand tightly and comfort him in whatever he was going through. As you always did. As he always let you.

The music played for three hours. Everyone was on their feet, dancing away, drinking away and chatting away, as one should in a Ball dance. Everyone except you and certain dark prince you didn’t even bother staring at anymore. You gave up looking for his attention an hour after the dance properly started, and it did nothing good to your pride to have been trying for that long anyways.

Sif got her chance, of course. Thor took his time, but after long he gave up with whatever quarrel he was having with his brother and approached her decisively. You were past pissed. Disappointed. After another sip of your wine, you couldn’t resist and stole a glance to Loki’s seat. To your surprise, you met his gaze. The God of Mischief was staring at you, and he apparently has been for Gods know how long. He quickly dropped his head and went back to looking at the floor, now with a completely red face.

You soon realized he was even more upset than before, as he watched Thor and Sif dance. And then you understood. Everything fell into place. Of course. Of course he liked Sif. Who wouldn’t. That’s why he fought with Thor. That’s why he was so worked up. You didn’t even need to read his mind to confirm it. 

You waited, still holding your eyes on him. You waited for another half an hour, but your patience was already on thin ice and he didn’t look like he would do anything more, anyways. So you did what you should’ve done hours ago. You got up and left.

“No, brother, you can go, I’ll let Mother know I’m staying”, said Loki from his room.

He could hear Thor’s patience shatter in pieces from the other side of the door.

“Don’t be ridiculous, we can’t miss the Ball. Father will kill you”.

“It’s not my problem”.

“I think it is quite your problem, brother”. Loki sighed. He wasn’t in the mood for his mockery. Thor sensed it and lowered his tone of voice, insisting. “Tell me what it is, Loki. I promise I’ll try to help out”.

But he only scoffed and locked the door, to start pacing around the room, feeding his anxiety even more. He covered his arm with his palm and tried his best to make it go away. It’s just an accidental illusion. I’m making it out of nervousness. I need to make it go away, he kept saying under his breath. But it didn’t go away. It wasn’t an illusion.

“Oh, FOR THE NINE REALMS”, he kicked his chair as a sudden burst of anger ate him alive.

“Loki, let me in!”, insisted Thor. “I’m going in”.

“You can’t help me”.

“I might, if you just tell me what is it. You love the dances. Come on”.

“I do love dances, Thor, I’m not particularly fond of the weight this one has on us; not this year” he growled from the floor, knees on his chest. “Not with what I had planned, I can’t do it now” he whispered. Thor pretended like he didn’t listen to that last bit.

Loki had been circling around the idea of asking you to dance for the last few months. It was all he wanted; to caress your hand and gently hold you by the waist, to move at the pace of the music, to feel your heart on his chest, his rising heartbeat with every breath you took. He wanted you, and if that wasn’t possible (and he was sure it wasn’t) he wanted to dance with you all night long.

But now, he would have to court you and marry you if he did. And, of course, it was what he wanted. It was definitely all he wanted. But he knew you wouldn’t. And he wouldn’t risk your beautiful friendship over anything in the world. What if he lost you forever? He could never bring himself to lose you, in any form or way.

“Brother, let me in. Or get out of the room. We’re late”.

“You’re late, Thor. Must I repeat myself? I’m not going”.

“I’m kicking the door”.

Loki sighed, and waited to hear Thor’s intense footsteps get closer and closer to the door to open it just in time and see him land on his face. Thor got up off the floor with blood on his nose.

“It combines with your crimson cape, brother, no need to worry” said Loki mockingly.

But Thor paid little attention to his silvertongue. Instead, his eyes were fixed on his arm. Then, he understood exactly why he was acting so terrified. Loki covered his arm as soon as he realized, mortified, but it was now too late and Thor had already seen it.

“Do you need any other reason to invite them to dance with you?”, he said with a grin of pride.

“It's not them. I’m certain”.

“How are you so certain? It’s such an ambiguous drawing, and you haven’t seen theirs!”.

“They doesn’t even have a soulmate mark yet. They told me the other day”.

“You didn’t have one at that time either, it must have changed. Come on”.

Loki sighed and put on a long sleeved outfit, while letting Thor rant about how much he was sure you’d reciprocate his feelings. And Loki couldn’t say anything against it, because it would only bring ruin to everyone; to spill the obvious secret that haunted him everyday.

The fact that you lusted over Thor.

And it hurted him like anything else, because he knew even though you didn’t say anything. He knew he was the lesser prince. The one that gets looked over. The shadow in his brother’s spotlight. The always-prince, never-King. It hurted like Hell.

But there was nothing he could do about it. And now he had a mark that linked him to the Norns know who, but he only had eyes for you.

Because you were always there. You were the one to defend him against his own insecurities, and everyone else’s accusations. The one to laugh the loudest at his jokes, the one to hold him the tightest when you were in fear, the one to call him first to anything. And you were perfect. But you, for obvious reasons, didn’t think the same of him. You thought the world of him, but not in the way he wished.

And he wouldn’t even get to see you happy from someone else’s love, because his brother didn’t even have eyes for you. The idiot of Thor could not see your brightness, and Loki wondered how could anyone not fall in love with you.

“You need to try, Loki, you’ll never know if you don’t risk a little”.

“A little? To you this is a little? Do you have any idea what would happen to me if I lost them forever? If the person that I love the most leaves me because I just decided to stop hiding my feelings?”, yelled Loki, completely angered.

“Ah, there it is. If I decided to stop hiding my feelings”, repeated Thor, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

“What is that supposed to mean?!”.

“You are afraid; so incredibly afraid of letting anyone know you fully. That is your problem, Loki. They’ll accept you no matter what, because they already know you. You think you’re hiding, well, you’re not so good with this little lie of yours”, said finally Thor, tired of biting his tongue about it.

“You know nothing about their feelings”.

“I know enough”.

“Believe me, you don’t. And you don’t get to say a word about my love life, or anything about this situation, for that matter. You don’t get to make light of my situation, as you do with everything regarding me. Now, leave. Me. Alone”.

They continued fighting about it until one of their tutors had enough of their unpunctuality and came to look for them. Both entered the ballroom still highly upset at each other and said nothing about it all night. Frigga knew exactly what they were talking about, and didn’t make too much of a fuss about the delay in their arrival.

Loki tried to not look at you in the entirety of the night; avoided all the eye contact he could with anyone, specially you. He was too afraid you’d choose that exact time to practice your special abilities at mind reading (since you’ve done this at previous dances, when Loki didn’t approach you), and if he didn’t see you, you couldn’t do it. Because if you dared reading his mind you’d only find yourself. And in those little moments he got to glance at you, while you were distracted with something else, he sank in sadness, because all he wanted was to embrace you and dance with you. You looked as fantastic as you always were and more. You looked especially excellent. And it didn’t go unnoticed to him that you looked annoyed. From the eye-sided glances he got to steal from you, he saw you staring at the seat he and his brother were in. You were expectant. You wanted to be taken out to dance. And Loki’s suspicions about your crush on Thor only got reassured when he asked Sif for a dance and you looked the most annoyed you’d ever looked in ages.

You left the dance early. After about ten minutes Loki decided to go after you. Outside of the ballroom you could still be a friend; that was the whole point of swallowing his feelings. He wandered the palace until he heard fireballs collapsing against the huge walls of your typical training spot, but he lingered his entrance to observe you in an incredibly angry state of your magic.

“You’ll set the palace on fire” said a gut-wrenching familiar voice. Of course Thor was there. Of course Thor would get earlier to comfort you in something that he destroyed.

“Then so be it”, you answered with a crack in your voice. Loki didn’t mean to invade your privacy, but he couldn’t help himself but to listen.

“I know why you’re upset. Believe me, it upsets me too”.

“You have no idea what upsets me”, you answered, and Thor chuckled. Loki could sense that Thor was thinking about how similar you and Loki were. You threw another fireball against the wall.

“Let me guess”.

“Enlighten me, your majesty”.

“You didn’t get to dance with the man you like”.

“You know nothing about the man I like”.

“When will you all stop treating me as if I were blind? Come on, why won’t you tell me? I’m your friend. I know you’re burning up in love and you still think you don’t have a chance because… because what? Because he’s the prince of Asgard?” said Thor. You stopped your magic and stared at him with teary eyes.

“Because the prince of Asgard I love, is in love with Sif. And there’s nothing I can do about it” you answered. Loki’s heart broke. Hearing you admit your raw feelings to Thor that way, and Thor not even understanding you were talking about him.

“What makes you think he’s in love with Sif?!” insisted, still clueless.

But Loki didn’t need to hear any more of that. He ran through the halls of the palace until he got to lock himself in his room.

“What makes you think he’s in love with Sif?!”, Thor asked, and you scoffed. You lowered your gaze to the floor, trying to make the tears go unnoticed. They didn’t, and Thor hugged you tightly.

Thor was almost like a brother to you. You grew up together, but it was more than that. You were always for each other. He never had to ask about your love for Loki, he always knew. And you never had to ask about his crush in Sif; it was transparent. So you both supported each other. You didn’t even bother telling him how she felt about him, it was bound to happen. Now, you and Loki, on the other hand…

“He is, you can’t deny it”.

“I’m denying it, I assure you”. You wiped your tears away and touched your mark over your clothes. He smiled. “You got the mark, didn’t you?”.

“Yeah”.

“What is it?”.

“Ugh, it doesn’t matter. Maybe I should just forget him and start looking for my soulmate. If the mark showed up today, then it must be for something. There has to be a reason”. Thor nodded, still smiling. “What are you so happy about, dumbass? My heart’s broken".

“Nothing. You keep on looking. Can I see it?”, said he, patting your back.

“It’s too ambiguous, you won’t guess it”.

“So I expected”.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Do you know anything?”.

“Nothing whatsoever”.

You got in your fighting position. Loki bent down in his seat, focusing on the next fight. He was sure you’d win; he has been teaching you new moves and you completely mastered them. And your rival didn’t know any better, anyways.

One kick from your opponent; you avoided it and threw a punch. Another kick. Another punch. The rival grabbed your leg, making you lose your balance and almost fall down, but you used that impulse to push him away and get him to the ground. He got up and started using magic. A blue light shone around him and started getting closer to your feet. You closed your eyes and focused intensely; soon, water drops started emerging from the tips of your fingers. They quickly transformed into a stream of water that wrapped your opponent from head to toes, making his electricity magic attack him, instead of you. Loki smiled.

Your rival pushed further his strength and one of the electrified waterjets hit your leg. You fell to the ground with a scream. It hurted, a lot. Loki gasped and Thor had to grab his shoulder to remind him it was just a training fight. For his tranquility, you got up on your feet soon and started using your magic again.

An aura of sparks and wind formed around you while you closed your fists, extremely concentrated. Your opponent waited without attacking, but behind the shield of his armour. Loki saw Thor smile proudly; this was the part he taught you. For your fire side of your powers, Thor was the one to train you thoroughly. Loki sighed, frustrated because you haven’t yet shown what Loki had taught you with such enthusiasm. He still observed you with attention.

“This part is awesome, look, brother”, whispered Thor in his ear, which only made him angrier.

“I’m sure it is. They is awesome. And wait until you see what I taught them”. Thor chuckled.

“No need for jealousy, Loki. They’s all yours”. Loki rolled his eyes and directed his attention to the fight again.

The sparks and wind grew bigger and bigger around you, circling your whole body. Once the sparks became fire, you directed your whole energy to your opponent, sending him against the wall. If it weren’t for the gigant fire-proof shield, he would’ve gotten completely roasted.

You put your guard down, and as you did so, the wind and fire around you dispersed. Loki got to see you again once the magic flew down, and realized you had your clothes slightly lifted up. He tried not to look out of respect, but Thor gasped, and that drew his attention directly to what surprised his brother. And it did not disappoint. Loki’s chest got as tight as it has ever been. His breathing became irregular and unsteady, and his face got completely red. You didn’t notice your shirt had lifted up, so you didn’t realize what was going on. You got closer to your defeated rival and shaked his hand.

“You win. I see you’ve been well trained”, he said.

“I have”, you answered, and directed your gaze to the princes who were watching the fight. You walked closer to them to chatter, as you always did, but Loki got up fast and ran out of the training room. Thor told you to follow him, and Loki heard your footsteps behind him for the entirety of the hall, until you two got to the gardens.

Loki was shaking. He didn’t want you to be there. He didn’t want you to see him that vulnerable. And you knew it, so you didn’t get closer than two meters apart.

“Loki”, you said after a while, behind his back. “What’s wrong?”.

He turned around, face still red. He was usually cold, but at that moment he was burning up inside and out. Maybe he was burning out of love for you. Maybe out of anger, for being so pessimistic and making himself a martyr when his brother was clearly right. Maybe out of rage to himself, for waiting so long to make a move and losing so much time lost in his own head. But you were still standing there, concerned. And he had to say something, because you still didn’t know anything.

“I saw your mark”, he stated. Now you were the one with the red face.

“Oh… I, I don’t, uh…”, you stuttered, and he got closer to you. He grabbed both of your hands and you looked at him in the eyes, clueless. “I try not to give it that much attention”.

“Why?”, he asked. “It’s your soulmate. The person you’ll love the most”.

“I already love someone” you said, in a burst of confidence. Loki swallowed in nervousness. Your hands started to get sweaty. “I… ugh. Sorry. I don’t want to say…”.

“Who? Tell me, I’m your best friend”.

“I don’t want you to be”, you finally said. “It’s you, Loki. It’s always been you. I don’t care about this stupid soulmate mark, because I know I’m in love with you and I always have been”.

Loki stayed silent, which only made your anxiety increase. He finally looked at you in the eyes and formed a subtle smile.

“I thought you loved Thor”.

“What? Why would I…?”.

“I heard you after the Ball; you said the prince you love was in love with Sif”.

“Yeah, you”.

“I’m… what? I’m not… I’m not in love with Sif, darling”.

Your heart stirred, and you weren’t sure if it was because of the pet name he just gave you, or the fact that you got it all wrong. He wasn’t in love with Sif?

“I’m sorry, did we both think…?”.

“We’re idiots, apparently”.

You both laughed. That was it; that cotidianity, that normality that felt, even in the most embarrassing and intense moments, completely fine. Because you were, before anything, friends.

You hugged him. He returned the hug and caressed your neck and back with one hand. You felt his heartbeat rise, and from that position, he whispered in your ear with that beautifully deep and raspy voice; “I saw your mark”.

“I don’t care about it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, ignore my feelings if necessary. But my heart only beats for you”, you whispered back. He sank his nose on the crook of your neck and felt his mouth form a smile against your skin. You shivered and felt warmth in your stomach.

“I don’t want to ignore your feelings”.

“I love you”, you said once again, regretting it in that instant. You couldn't stop your words from falling out of your mouth. You felt like you sounded desperate.

“I love you too, my dear”.

You, in shock, looked at him in the eyes. He kept smiling, and putting a strand of your hair behind an ear, placed a small kiss on your red cheek.

“I don’t know what to do next. I like being your friend”, you said. “And I don’t think we’re meant to be. I got a mark, and you haven’t, so it’s obvious we won’t end up together anyways. And I want you by my side for all my life; even if it’s just as a friend, you know? I don’t want to lose you”. Loki chuckled at your rant. “What?”.

“What makes you think I didn’t get my mark yet?”.

“Well, I… I don’t know. Did you?”.

“Yes”.

“What does it look like?”.

He smiled.

“It’s very ambiguous”, said he, sarcastically.

“Hard to guess, is it?” you chuckled, realizing what was going on. Loki lifted his sleeve, uncovering an identical soulmate mark to yours.

“Hard to guess, yet so obvious”, he said. He grabbed your waist and neck and both melted in a long, desired kiss. You sank your fingers in his hair, caressing his scalp. “Yours?”

“It’s very ambiguous too, you know?”.

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki x gender neutral reader #loki laufeyson fanfic #loki fanfic #mcu #thor #ragnarok #loki ragnarok #loki dark world #loki odinson #odinson #soulmate au #loki soulmate #soulmate #soulmate mark #loki soulmate mark #fic #loki fic #marvel #marvel loki #tom hiddleston #hiddleston #thomas william hiddleston #thomas hiddleston #tom william hiddleston

[gwynrielendgame]

Gwynriel smut lol

Okay yall I truly struggle writing smut...I deal with a lot of shame revolving anything with sex, but I figured writing a fanfic might be therapeutic in a sense. If you don't like it, please move along. It may not be spicy enough or perhaps you find it too spicy; either way, pls be considerate in the comments below. Probably 18+ if you read acosf then this is about the same level IMO. Idk what type of warnings to give with smut so I supposed continue at your own discretion.

“Um, Az?” Gwyn hesitantly called for her mate. She did not want to admit to being stuck, but there was no avoiding it.

“Yeah?” He released his cock from his hand to look at the beautiful female tied up in his bed. He caressed her soft backside before nipping it quickly.

“Az! Focus,” her giggles undermined the harsh tone she was attempting to use. “I’m stuck.” She tried to look back at him. But the ties they were using were particularly tight. She would have to teach Az a softer knot.

“That is kind of the point, is it not?” He continued to nip at her bottom in a playful manner. The giggles it elicited sent heat straight to his groin. He gripped his cock again and started pumping it with one hand while his other hand drifted to her thighs that were spread apart with the help of the very sturdy ribbons they were using.

“Azriel.” She whined his name.

They were attempting something that Gwyn found in a book that Nesta so kindly gifted her for Gwyn’s birthday one year. It clearly needed more detailed instructions because this was not as “loose” nor “comfortable” as she had read the position to be. Azriel gave one final chuckle before surrendering.

“Where do I need to fix it, love?”

“Loosen the ties on my wrists. I want to be able to prop myself up.”

He immediately went to work on the ribbons around her wrists. The action caused a rush of heat to flood Gwyn. As much as they teased each other, he always listened to her requests. Even if it doused some of the ambiance, he always stopped to make sure she was comfortable. It was the single most attractive thing he did, in her opinion. Nothing made her want him more than his quietly respectful demeanor. She could think of a few instances where his manners benefitted him greatly at the end of the night. Her fantasies were interrupted by the ribbons loosening. She sighed as she propped herself up on her elbows, making sure her backside was on perfect display for her mate. He stifled a groan by sinking his teeth into her more than supple bottom. She often found little bruises there from all his sucking and biting.

“Please continue.” She moaned as his teeth scraped at her. She never wanted him to stop especially when he brought his fingers back in between her thighs.

“What was that, love? I do not think I heard you.” Azriel said in his quiet, spymaster voice. It always turned Gwyn on when he used this tone, so she could not find it in herself to be mad that he wanted her to beg. She would beg if it meant he would keep talking.

“Please?” She tried again. “I want you to-“ her body jerked as he brushed lightly over her most sensitive area. She tried to scoot back towards his hand when he pulled away, but the ties prevented that. She whimpered to show her dissatisfaction. Azriel only chuckled in response.

“Please what?”

“Please touch me!” It was a desperate plea. She would allow him to tease her later for how quickly she started to beg; but for now, she simply needed his touch.

“Your wish is my command.” He used that same quiet, sultry voice.

Finally, his fingers were moving with a purpose. He circled her clit while using his other hand to pump inside of her. She started to wriggle underneath his touch. He knew she was close now.

“Yes! Azriel yes!”

It always filled him with so much pride when he could get her to moan his full name. His shadows roamed, untamed. They caressed every part of her that they could reach. She moaned even louder when a shadow slowly creeped up her back.

“Let me touch you.” She said in such a demanding tone that Azriel could not stop his smile even if he tried. He moved his hands faster, swirling her clit in a rhythmic motion that had her bucking against the ties.

“Soon.” He mutter. He would finish her off several times first. He could feel it building in her as her body tightened and she held in her breath.

“Do not stop!” She demanded once more. A sly grin slid onto his face even though he knew she could not see it since his fingers were sliding into her from behind. He slowed his speed down until he completely pulled his hands away altogether. She practically screeched in outrage.

“What was that? Did you say stop?”

“Azriel!” She yelped.

He plastered his front to her back, brought his mouth to her ear and his hand around the front to cup her. He started slow ministrations over again that had her whimpering.

“Who gives the orders in this bed?” Azriel asked with so much smugness that Gwyn wanted to yell many obscenities at him. She did not though considering he was slowly bringing her right back to the edge of her climax. She promised to pay him the same courtesies when it was his turn in the ribbons.

“You.” She muttered as though she was displeased, but truly she could not be more aroused. She knew he could tell by how wet his fingers must be by now.

“That’s right. I will let you know when I start taking orders from bossy Valkyries though.” The rough tone was so erotic as his mouth brushed against the shell of her ear that she thought she might finish right then and there. Secretly, she loved when he told her what to do. She had a feeling it was not much of a secret to him though. He intertwined one of his hands with hers while the other hand continued to torture her. He kept his chest firmly pressed against her back as she rode his hand. The restraints only added to the pleasure coursing through her veins.

She felt his very large cock press against her entrance from the back. She pushed back against him to try and take it all as his fingers continued to play with her. The restraints kept her legs in place though. She groaned out in frustration.

“Please?” She asked once again. She turned her head to look at his beautiful face only to see a look of utter concentration.

He, normally, only looked like this when he was writing a report for the High Lord. It always made her blood pump with arousal, so she was excited to see it now. He pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder and then lined himself up at her entrance.

“Azriel, I love you, but I swear to the cauldron if you do not enter me right now- ah!” She moaned loudly as Az finally entered her in one rough push.

He began rocking his hips- in and out. Gwyn tried to meet each thrust with one of her own, but the ties were proving difficult. She would need to add her own angry anecdote to the page on this position in her book. He thrust so deeply that Gwyn screamed out for all to hear.

“Fuck yes. Keep going please.” She made sure to add on the please at the end to keep him appeased. He made a loud moan himself as he continued to pump into her.

“Unless you want Cassian and Nesta to hear, I suggest you quiet down.” He was gritting his teeth as he said it. He was clearly trying to maintain some sort of control. Gwyn smirked as she knew that he always finished fast from this position.

“Payback.” Is all she uttered.

Azriel’s fingers swirled around her clit right as he hit a deep spot inside her. It had her coming so hard and long that she was certain she lost her vision for a second. She may have also been screaming, but she was not entirely sure. His fingers did not stop their movements on her though. It was such an intense feeling she almost wanted to ask him to stop. He kept pumping into her though while he tried to find his own release. Her hips were meeting his thrust for thrust. She could feel as his speed picked up and he became more wild and unhinged. It was her favorite part of sex with him. When he was so close that he almost gave over complete control and was not quite as gentle with her as he normally was.

“Fuck.” He muttered much quieter than Gwyn had when she finished. The hand that was interlaced with hers was squeezing so tightly that she worried her hand would go numb. She sighed contently. She knew with the Shadowsinger at her side, they could accomplish anything.

“Think I’m pregnant yet?” Gwyn asked once she had been untied, and they had finished a few more rounds.

They both lay on their back with Azriel’s arm tucked under her head. He pulled her closer to place a kiss on her forehead. It was such a tender moment that it made her heart squeeze. She started tracing his chest tattoos with her fingers. Azriel smiled softly at that. He noticed she could never sit still. If she was not tracing his tattoos, then it was his scars on his hands. If not that, then she was chasing his shadows around the room. She was only truly still when she slept.

“Good news is that we can keep trying until you are.”

“Very good news indeed.” A mischievous smile curled at her lips while the hand that had been tracing tattoos started trailing downwards.

“Again?” He asked astonished. He figured that she would definitely be sated at least until tomorrow. She rolled her eyes, but the smile stayed in place.

“A baby is not going to magical insert itself, now is it?” A smirk played at his lips.

“Just for that I am not going to let you finish for at least the next two rounds.”

#gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel #fanfic #smut #acotar #acosf

[ignitedbynatsu]

He Makes You Feel Insecure ~ Bickslow

A/N: here is the Bickslow one! Please let me know who you want me to write for next as I no longer have a request right now 😁. Thank you for the incredible support so far it means the world to me and makes me want to continue with the series 💕

warnings: insecurities (he makes you feel boring), cursing

genre: angst to fluff

Other versions:

Gray ~ Laxus ~ Cobra/Erik ~ Gajeel ~ Natsu  ~ Jellal ~ Freed ~ Sting ~ Rogue

👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅

“(Y/N)! Can I get another one?” It was as rowdy as ever in the Fairy Tail Guild, but you didn’t want to have it any other way. Gray had thrown his shirt God knows where ready to fight Natsu while Erza kept an eye on the two said boys. Cana was talking loudly as she usually does when she gets drunk. Jet and Droid were gushing over Levy while she had a conversation with Lucy and Wendy. Happy was trailing behind Carla like a lost puppy. It was the usual stuff. 

“I’ll be there in a second!” You yelled back as you passed Mira-Jane behind the bar to get to the beer. You tapped the golden liquid and went to give it to Cana.

On your way back, strong arms snaked around your waist making you yelp out of surprise “hello to you too, princess”

“You scared me” You slapped Bickslow’s chest as he chuckled and placed a kiss on your cheek before telling why he stopped you “Me, Freed, Laxus and Evergreen are going out on a mission, you wanna come?”

“No, thank you” You kindly declined as you walked back to the bar with Bickslow following in your steps, a frown evident on his face.

“You never go out on a mission with me” he whined, making you chuckle and peck his bottom lip that stuck out.

“Well, I guess I like it more inside the guild. It’s less dangerous and less stressful” You replied as you started to wash the glasses that were piling up. He cocked his head to the side in confusion but shrugged his shoulders and let it slide.

“We’ll probably be back in the afternoon, don’t miss me too much” With that your boyfriend was gone along with his friends, leaving you to continue to look after the guild along with Mira-Jane. 

 After the busy Lunch break, you noticed that you were running low on some supplies, meaning you had to go take a trip to the market to buy some more food and other stuff. “Mira? I’m gonna head into town and stock up on some necessities, I’ll be back in a bit” 

“I’ll come with you!” Lucy exclaimed to which you agreed. You weren’t going to turn down help, knowing fully well how much of a pain it will be to get all the groceries back.

“Hey, I was wondering, how did you and Bickslow end up together?” the blonde asked as you looked at the fresh strawberries, trying the find the right batch.“It’s because we’re so different, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean- “ she quickly cut herself off when she heard you chuckling “It’s fine, you’re fine. After all, you’re not the first one to ask”

You handed the lady behind the counter some money before continuing your search and your story “I’ve been helping Mira with the guild for as long as I can remember so of course, he knew who I was. Him being a part of the Thunder God Tribe also made him well known in the guild. Bickslow always says that he knew I was the one from the day he saw me lash out at Natsu for being so careless after he accidentally burned me. He only wanted me to bring them food or drinks and every time I did, he had a bad joke prepared to try and make me smile. I always felt somewhat invisible in the guild, but it was like I was the only one there in his eyes. Laxus decided one day that he had enough of Bicklow’s bad attempts at jokes so decided to take things in his own hands. He dragged us out of the guild and told us not to come back until we had gone on a date. And I guess that’s where our story started”

“Who would’ve thought that Laxus would be the one to bring people together "Lucy chuckled, making you laugh along “I know right ”

Lucy and you continued to shop until you had everything you needed. “I feel like my arms are gonna fall off”

“Stop your whining, we’re nearly at the guild You chuckled as you could see the said building in the distance. 

Once inside, you two went to the storage room and put everything in the right place “I guess that’s everything”

You were about to leave when you heard your boyfriend and his friends talking about you "I could always ask (Y/N) to be part of the Fairy Tail B team”

“Don’t bother,” Bickslow told Laxus “ She doesn’t even want to go on a job. She’d never want to participate in something as exciting as the Grand Magic Games. She says that she doesn’t want to do anything besides this boring job, no offence Mira”

“None taken” Mira replied as you could hear the sound of glasses clinking together and the sound of streaming water, signalling she was cleaning them.

“Anyway, you should probably ask Juvia or something. (Y/N) doesn’t like to get out of her comfort zone. ” Bickslow said, making Evergreen snort at that “makes you wonder how you two ended up together. She’s so boring”

As you listened to the conversation you couldn’t help but take his words to heart. You’ve always known you two were incredibly different, but you didn’t know he viewed you as boring. Sure you were known for not going out on missions, simply because you didn’t want to put yourself in harm's way, but did that make you boring? Did he view Mira boring as well? Probably not because she’s a known S-class wizard you do not want to mess with. 

“Are you okay? ” Lucy snapped you out of your thoughts as she noticed your sudden change in mood.

You covered your doubts with a smile “Yeah! Of course, let’s go”

You reappeared in the guild alongside Lucy with a bright smile as if nothing happened, but in the back of your mind, the same thoughts about you being boring kept playing over and over again. 

You decided to do something about it and asked your boyfriend to go on a job the next day. To say he was surprised, was an understatement “Of course I wanna go on a job with you!” 

This went on for a couple of weeks. You often took more jobs in a day to seem like you were always doing something new and exciting. As the days past Bickslow noticed how more tired and unhappy you grew. You always brushed it off and told him it was nothing, but he wasn’t so sure if he liked the new you if it meant he had to give up his alone time with you. You hardly went on date nights any more because you were either away or asleep. Sometimes you two went days without seeing each other because either he just went on a job when you came back or the other way around. 

He finally decided he had enough and sat you down to talk about his concerns. “(Y/N)? Can we talk? ” 

“Can we do it another time? I’m about to go on this job” You said as you looked at the paper in your hand that held the description.

“It’s rather urgent” He pleaded, making you look up from your paper. When you saw that there was no sign of his usual cheeriness, you knew something was up. You gave in a went to a more isolated table in the guild. “So, what you wanna talk about? ” 

“What’s up with the personality switch?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” You asked, pretending to be oblivious to what he was referring to. 

He frowned at your dishonesty, unsure if he had done something to upset you, so he decided to just be blunt about it, “We hardly see each other lately because either you’re on a job or I’m on a job and when we finally get a moment alone together you don’t want to do anything because you’re too tired.”

“I thought you’d like this less boring side of me” you mumbled.

He tilted his head a little to the side as he looked at you in confusion “Boring? Who told you that?”

You chewed on your bottom lip as you gather the courage to talk about your insecurities “I overheard you and your friends talking about the Grand Magic Games and how you said to not even bother asking me because I don’t want to do anything except for my boring job. After that Evergreen called me boring, and you didn’t comment on it, so I assumed you also think that’s true”

Bickslow was ready to protest, because he was certain to never talk behind your back about something like that, but a vague memory of that day crept inside his mind. He had never thought much of the exchange, but seeing how much it affected you, he couldn’t help but start to feel guilty.

“(Y/N), listen to me, I do not think you’re boring. Sure, your job is boring, I ain’t gonna deny that but that has nothing to do with your personality. Who cares if you don’t like to put yourself in danger? Does that make you boring? Absolutely not, because I know that when push comes to shove you’ll be the first in line to protect everyone in this guild. I fell for you because of your caring nature and the goodhearted soul you have in you. Are you a daredevil? Absolutely not. Does that make you boring? Maybe a little. Do I care about that? No, most definitely not, because you have so much better traits that people could only dream of having. ” He took his helmet off, took your hands in his and never once broke eye contact. Desperately trying to show how much he meant it.

“But what about the first time you really fell for me? You said it was after I scolded Natsu for burning me. You always said you knew I was the one after you saw my fierce side.” You frowned. 

He chuckled softly at the memory, seeing as you completely misunderstood why he knew he was going to make you his after that day. “I mean sure, seeing you all fired up and scolding someone much stronger than you was undeniably hot, but that’s not the real reason. After you got burned and put Natsu in his place, you didn’t even care about your wound. You were quick to check up on Gray and Natsu to see if they had gotten hurt in the process. You always put others first. Your selfless personality is what got me drawn in. I’d pick your caring and loving side any day over the reckless and daring side. I am so sorry for making you feel like you were boring. I never meant to make you feel that way”

“No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have assumed things” You apologized as well.

“Please don’t apologize. I should’ve realized sooner what was going on. How about I make it up to you with a proper date? We haven’t been on one in a while and I really missed my girl at my side” He suggested.

“I’d love to” You agreed as you planted your lips softly on his.

#bickslow #bickslow imagine #bickslow imagines #bickslow x reader #fairy tail #fairy tail imagine #fair tail x reader #fairy tail imagines #fairy tail x angst #fairy tail bickslow #fairy tail bickslow imagine #fairy tail bickslow imagines #fairy tail bickslow x reader #natsu dragneel #Laxus Dreyar #gray fullbuster #bixlow #fairy tail x reader #natsu dragon slayer #erza knightwalker #lucy heartifilla #lucy heartfilia #fairy tail levy #fairy tail lucy #fairy tail sting #fairy tail laxus #bickslow x angst #natsu imagine #grafy fullbuster x reader

[anime-boy09]

Sukuna X Fem!reader lemon

Synopsis - You live in a house with Megumi, Nobara and Yuji Itadori/Sukuna. You understand Yuji and Sukuna do switch out while having the same body, and it is no big deal. Yuji is pretty fun to be around and you enjoy his energy. Whenever Sukuna is out, he always gets a little handy. This is a college au but everyone can still use their cursed arts.

NSFW Warning: 18+, some holding down stuff, overstimulation, dominant!sukuna, teasing, smut, vaginal stuff, edging, some butt stuff? Very little though.

Note: uhh, this is my first time writing stuff like this XD so bear with me!

Words: 3.2K

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It was a long day for you. College studies and work. The skies were dark by the time you got home and you were ready to relax.

You noticed Yuji come out of his room, looking sleepy.

“Oh, [your name] you’re home! Whats up??” He bounced over to you.

“Hey Itadori, well...pretty freaking beat but I’m alright.” You take your jacket off and hang it on a hook. Then, you made your way to a couch and plopped down on it.

“Worked ya’ hard today, huh?” He entered the kitchen that was nearby, opening the fridge to search for a good snack.

You nodded. Your job wasn’t necessarily a difficult one, but a busy one. You worked at a local coffee shop near the college you attended. Because it was on campus, it was always full of students and teachers alike.

“I’ll probably take a shower soon and then head to bed for the night..” You checked your phone for a bit, searching through messages and notifications.

Yuji made a muffled sound as he was munching on some melon bread he found in the fridge.

“Shounds good! (sounds good)” He finished eating the bread quickly before continuing.

You put your phone away and stared at him intently. “No peeking this time!”

He got flustered and looked away pouting, “Was not even my fault!! Booo....”

You wagged a finger at him and stood up from the couch. He was cute when he pouted. You giggled and then headed towards the bathroom door, opening and closing it behind you. You made sure to lock the door.

Definitely don’t need any surprises tonight.

You started undressing from your work uniform. You pulled your pants down along with your panties. Then unbuttoned your shirt and slid it off to reveal your blouse and bra underneath.

The cold air felt nice on your warm skin. You finished undressing and set the clothes aside to a corner of the bathroom. You then turned on the shower and made sure it was set to a warm setting.

After a moment, you stepped into the shower and slid the shower door closed. The water hits your skin like a breath of fresh air. You sat under the water for a moment and then took some body wash to scrub your skin down.

You washed your arms and chest first. Your breasts weren’t too big of an issue, but sometimes it made your upper back hurt. You moved to your stomach and sides, humming along to a popular song that was stuck in your head.

The doorknob jiggled from the outside, though you did not hear it at first. You continued to wash your legs and hips, your body relaxing. It jiggled again and you stopped to look towards the door through the tinted glass.

“Don’t even think about it!” You called out, worried that Yuji was attempting to get into the bathroom. You knew Yuji was kind of a perv, but you also thought he was adorable at the same time. Maybe you had a slight crush on him..but now’s not the time to be thinking about this!

That other part of him was a force to be reckoned with. You know he’s a curse who is technically Yuji too. But...he’s also different.

He’s not afraid to be forward and blunt. He’s made nasty comments about your “innocent” body here and there. Although they were uncalled for remarks, you could not lie about how it made you feel.

Was it because he was a thousand year old demon? A deity that can take you down. You bit your lip a little.

“Oh! Snap out of it…!” You told yourself and patted your cheeks, flustered. Sukuna was also technically Yuji.

Yuji and you were pretty good friends too...

The doorknob did not jiggle again and the only noise came from the shower.

You were not sure about what the noise was. Maybe it was your imagination playing tricks?

You sighed, too tired for this shit. You continued to wash your face and hair. It was quiet for a time being.

“You think you can lock yourself away? Naughty girl.” The sultry sound of someone's voice whispered in your ear from behind.

You whipped your body around but no one was in the shower with you. Confused, you covered your body up with your arms.

“Y-You better not be in here!!” You growled through your teeth. You heard a deep, lavish chuckle from inside the bathroom.

“But, I am displeased at this moment. Do continue cleaning that dedicant body of yours.” His voice was velvety and rich with pleasure.

You blushed and put your hand on the door handle to keep it closed.

“H-how did you even get in here??” You stuttered out, covering your chest with a free arm.

The voice laughed and sucked his teeth before replying.

“Were you thinking of me? You’re so flustered. Also, I am not a feeble human like you are. I have my ways” He put his hand on the shower door, and you could see the shadow of his body.

The shower door flung open and there stood what looked like Yuji standing outside the shower. His pink hair was pushed back, thick tattoos lined his face and his eyes were crimson red.

You squeaked and covered yourself, embarrassed.

“Now, [your name] there is no need to be modest.” Sukuna entered the shower with you after taking off his shirt. He left his shorts on for the time being.

You backed up into a far corner of the shower, intensely blushing. Perhaps you have thought about moments like this one before.

But you never thought it would come into fruition like this!

You could hear your heart pounding in your ears as Sukuna came closer to you. His eyes scanned over your wet, naked body. It felt as if he was looking straight through you. Feeling you up without doing so.

Your body stood frozen by the corner. You wanted to push him out and yell at him, but you felt hypnotized. Your eyes didn’t meet his.

“G-get out! I-i’m…!” Before you could reply, he reached out to grab your chin to force you to look at him.

“Poor little lamb. Cowering in the corner...Look at me. I know your body yearns.” His lips pull into a grin.

You were kind of turned on by this..shit. You thought to yourself. You’re playing into him...but you can’t stop.

You try to move away from his grasp. Sukuna let go of your chin, only to grab your wrists and pin them above your head.

You were now fully exposed to the King of Curses. You squeaked when you realized your body was up for grabs.

“Let go! you!...Ah!” You tried to yell at him, but his free hand started fondling your body.

“Many nights, I wanted to do this. In the bed, in the living room...but this prison of a brat traps me. It’s so disappointing…”

You bit your lip so nothing would escape. “W-why not go for Nobara or something??” You look at his eyes this time, as they gazed upon your own.

“Her? That crazy bitch? Don’t make me laugh.” His grip tightened your wrists. With a smirk, he pinched one of your wet nipples which made you gasp.

“That’s what I like to hear instead. Come on, louder.” He pinched harder which made your body

You flinch away from his touch.

You were stubborn. This demon looking guy was the King of Curses who could easily take you down.

In more ways than one.

You just glared into his eyes, and ceased all noise. This made him impatient. Maybe that was not a good move on your end.

“Oho~? Gonna be tough for me, girlie? Two can play at this game. I will get what I want.” His voice sounded rough and lavish, which sent chills up your spine.

He let go of your wrists, but somehow they were still in place. You were confused by this and attempted to move them forwards. Nothing was budging.

They were being held by his second pair of arms.

“Sukuna! Agh, let me gooo!” You whined, wiggling in the corner. He watched your breasts move about, his gaze moving towards your hips.

The stream of water was still running, drenching your hair. Sukuna’s shorts were getting wet and you swore you could start seeing an outline of something...big.

He moved to press his lips against your soft skin, starting at your stomach and going lower...and lower….

You could squeeze your legs shut, but it was no use. His large hand was pressed into your thigh, keeping it firmly in place.

The next thing you knew, his soft tongue was pressing into your womanhood. Your body shivered and you let a small whine out of your mouth.

“Ahhh, you’re already drenched. Dirty girl. You’re in luck..I’m hungry.” He said the last part with an evil chuckle and continued to drag his rough tongue up and down your folds.

This was a new feeling to you. Of course you’ve had sensual activities before, but nothing like this.

Your hips move by themselves against his tongue. Damn, this felt good, you thought to yourself.

There was no hesitation in his movements. He grabbed your ass tight too which made you moan out.

“Stay put, girlie! Damn!” He slapped your ass which made you squeak from that too. You whined and tried to keep your hips still. “Ugh, let me do what I want” He shot a glare up at me with his red eyes.

You met his gaze with your own glazed eyes.

He kept lapping at your womanhood and started focusing on that little button of yours. This made your back arch against the back of the shower. You shook your head from how sensitive it was.

This only made Sukuna want more of you.

He began to suck on it harshly without a break. You gasped and whined against the shocks that boiled up in your stomach.

“S-sukuna..~” You moaned out unconsciously. He smirked and then pulled his face away from your womanhood.

“What is it, you little slut? Want more? You’re going to have to beg.” He dug his nails into your thighs and dragged them.

Why is he so good at this?! You thought to yourself, your body shuddering.

“N-no…! I-I don’t…” You looked away from him and bit your lip. This was not the answer he was looking for from you. He frowned and slapped your ass, putting his hand right in the middle, lifting one of your cheeks. You squeaked from the sudden slap.

You felt something wet and thick enter your behind, teasing the other hole.

You audibly gasped and wiggled from the feeling. What was this?!

Sukuna had two arms holding your wrists up, one on your behind and another holding your leg up. He moved closer to your face with an evil smirk.

His hand had opened a mouth and extended a tongue between your cheeks.

“...I said, beg for it, slut.” His tongue on his hand didn’t go deep, just enough to drive you crazy. It kept gliding past this second hole and your entrance ever so gently.

Your hips attempted to follow the lapping tongue’s movements but it was just close enough to every sensitive bit down there to irritate you. You moved your hips around and whined at the roughness of the tongue.

“P..please…” You panted out, your body quivering.

“Please...what?” He pulled his hand away from your behind and the mouth disappeared on it. He grabbed your face with it.

“Please s-sir....b-but..out of the shower?” You wanted more. The shower water was increasingly annoying.

Sukuna rolled his eyes and picked you up in his arms abruptly. You had no time to react. He booked it to your bedroom and slammed you down on the bed angrily.

“You’re fucking lucky no one else is here right now..” He growled and pushed your knees up to your chest to continue his meal.

“What-! Ahh~...” You whined out, feeling his warm mouth back onto your folds. His grip was so strong that you could barely move. Everything was tingling and sensitive.

He then slid two fingers inside of your entrance, moving them violently in and out of you. You practically screamed at the sudden movements inside your walls.

“Yeah? I want to hear more, (Your name).” His long fingers hit every inch of your insides, and it felt so good. Your womanhood was quivering and you felt like you were getting close.

“S-sukuna...I-i’m going t-to-” You could barely speak but those were the words that were stuttering out. He smirked again and took his fingers out.

Your body was trembling with anticipation, waiting for a release. You were just about to come when he stopped. You pouted and looked at Sukuna, wondering what his plan was.

“You are not allowed to have all the fun. My turn. Flip over.” He barked at you. You flipped your body over onto your knees, looking up at him.

He dropped his shorts and stood menacingly in front of you; his gaze was intimidating to you.

His member was...intense. He pushed it against your lips. “Open them.”

You obeyed him and opened your mouth. He grabbed the back of your head and moved it up and down on his member. You whined against his size and started sucking properly.

Sukuna leaned his head back and groaned at the feeling of your warm mouth.

“Mm...you feel hot, [your name]...” He breathed deeply as you wrapped your tongue around him.

You had no control over your head at first. His cock was forcing itself in and out of your small mouth, close to your throat. This made you gag and want to pull away from him. He stopped briefly and let you move your head to the side to cough.

“I-i’m sorry...ack!” your own spit was running down your chin, as you looked up to him like a puppy dog. Tears glistened the corners of your eyes. Sukuna raised a hand to your cheek and pushed them away with his thumb.

“Don’t cry on me...I should be apologizing…!.” a softer voice spoke. It sounded like Yuuji’s. His eyes looked apologetic, but turned on. He didn’t appreciate Sukuna throwing you around but, what could he do? When the Lord of Curses was in this hot and heavy mood, nothing changed until he was finished.

The hand that nicely rested on the side of your cheek, then grabbed your mouth and squeezed your face together.

“Why did you stop? Because your small mouth can’t handle my cock?” He scuffed at you. “I know what can though” He smirked and your eyes widened, shaking your head.

“P-please...n-not there!” Your blush intensified. You have done it before but with his size...there’s no way!

Sukuna pushed you over and spread your legs. He was about to push himself in when you stopped him. “Wait! Protection!” You motioned to a nearby dresser and he rolled his eyes.

“Seriously? You don’t want to bear my offspring?” He chuckled and you narrowed your eyes at him. “How disappointing…fine, I will listen to you this time, on one condition. Make a deal with me beforehand.”

You gulped and leaned up onto your elbows. Making a deal with a demon seems sketchy, especially in the predicament you are in right now. “... what’s your deal?” You replied cautiously.

“I will wear protection...if you let me go hard and do what I need to do.” He ran a finger along the inner side of your thigh. This made you shiver. You are definitely not walking straight after this.

You bit your lip and nodded “O-okay..” You felt your body heat up as he went to put on a condom. Once he was back, you had moved to your stomach, butt up in the air for him.

He didn’t care what position you were in, he just wanted to be pleasured. He grabbed your hips and pressed his member against your entrance.

“It’s gonna be so good, girlie. You’ll want more” He then pushed in without a second thought. You barely had time to get used to it as you moaned out.

Your legs trembled at the feeling of his girth stretching you wide. You wondered if Yuji was able to feel this as well...you felt embarrassed for a second. It didn’t last long because Sukuna started going fast and hard into you.

You squeaked and then started moaning with every push, your mind melting away. He grunted, feeling your insides squeeze and pulse around his member.

“T-too….fast!” You managed to whine out as you squeezed the sheets. He replied with a slap on your ass. You yelped out, taking that as a warning to keep quiet.

. You made a deal with him and that deal stands until he releases.

The thrusting continued, on and on...your mind felt like jello. You moaned and whined with each passing push.

Your body started to tremble from the amount of times you’ve come. You attempt to pull yourself away from his grasp and he notices.

“...where are you heading to...slut?” He panted and grabbed your arms, pinning them behind your back. With those arms he brought you to sit up on your knees.

Sukuna slowed his pace and whispered in your ear seductively. “...ohhh [your name]~ your pussy makes me feel soooo good.” His tongue glided up your sensitive ears, your heart skipping a beat.

“That’s a good girl. Obey me…” He had all four arms out once again, like he did in the shower. This meant he had more control over your alluring body. He reached around your body with curious hands, one landing on your breast and another by your cunt.

You gasp at the feeling of hands assaulting your overstimulated body. He cupped your breast in his hand, giving it a loving squeeze.

“...Say my name.” The wandering hand by your cunt began to tease your button. The one part of your body that seemingly shut you down whenever it was pleasured.

You shook your head, moaning out “No! S-sukuna..!” Your hips swayed from side to side, in over to avoid his fingers. His hips moved faster, holding you in place with your arms forcefully.

“Don’t make me angry...little girl~. I have many plans for you.” His thrusts grew impatient as he quicked his hips once more. He was growing close and you could tell.

His sultry moans were echoing the room with your own voice. He continued to spin his finger tips around the top of your clit, teasing your hood.

He pinched and twisted your little button within his quick fingertips, sending continuous moans out your mouth.

The wave of overstimulation crept up your spine and into your stomach.

You had no time to react to letting yourself squirt all over the sheets. You came over his cock, making your walls squeeze tightly against him. This made him groan and lose himself a little.

“[your name]....o-oh yeah…!” He came into the condom and held you close to his glistening body. He dug his sharp teeth into your shoulder, breaking the skin. You gasped from the bite and felt his member get warm on the inside.

He let go of your bruised shoulder and pulled out of your sore cunt. Your sore body fell to the bed, quivering and panting. Sukuna groaned and tossed the filled condom into a nearby trash.

You were gonna feel this one tomorrow for sure. You squeezed your eyes shut and relaxed for a moment. Sukuna saw that you weren't getting up or moving right away and leaned down into your face.

"Yo girlie, you good? This brat is worried." He motioned to himself, meaning Yuji. You slowly nodded and replied, "y-yeah...just need a second..."

He sighed and plopped down on the bed next to your body.

"w-what are you doing...I said i'll be okay.." You looked over to him, laying next to you. Without looking, he grabbed the back of your head and forced it into his chest.

"Just stop talking."

You weren't expecting this...kindness? He was so rough a moment ago and now he's a different person. Maybe Yuji's yelling at him? It didn't matter now...all you wanted to do was rest, if only for a moment.

#jjk x reader #ryomen sukuna #anime #jujutsu kaisen smut #sukuna x y/n

[starks-hero]

His Last Vow

Pairing: Sherlock x Reader

Request: Hey! I just adore your writings, thank you for existing. ❤ I watched Sherlock 4x01 yesterday, and I just can't get over what happened there. I'm truly afraid what will happen next... So I thought if you could write a fic about this episode. I mean something like this: after all what happened in the Aquarium, S. goes home to Y/N, his girlfriend, totally fallen apart, trembling, then he starts like... and destroying everything at home, and Y/N tries to soothe him, crying, fluff etc. THANK YOUUU <3 - anonymous

Summary: You can't stop Sherlock from falling apart, but you can certainly help pick up the pieces.

Word Count: 1,725

Warnings: lots of angst with some compensating fluff, a very brief mention of Sherlock's drug use, Spoilers for 4x01

“Come on, pick up!” You yelled as Sherlock's phone once again went straight to voicemail. You'd been trying to get through to him for over an hour and your worry was slowly melting into frustration.

It had been a few hours since he'd left the flat to ‘think without any distractions’, but you didn't take into account that he'd be gone this long. You knew this case meant more to him than most, especially considering it concerned Mary, which made you all the more worried.

You tried calling him once more, but when you were greeted with the same blunt voicemail, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

Grabbing your coat, you pulled Mary's number up on your phone. You attempted to calm your anxious mind by telling yourself that Sherlock had probably just dragged John off on some side case. And if anyone was going to know where the boys were, it was Mary.

Just as you pressed ‘call’ and opened the door to leave, you were greeted by the familiar sound of footsteps on the stairs. You sighed in relief.

“Where have you been? I was starting to get-,” Your voice died down in your throat when Sherlock entered the flat.

His chest was heaving and his body trembled, his cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes resembled those of a scared child. He looked completely distraught.

“Sherlock?” Your voice was timid as he entered the flat. You studied him carefully before reaching out for his hand. You stopped a few inches short. Sherlock's gloved hand, along with the once white sleeve of his shirt was now stained in a dark crimson red. Your heart fell out of your chest when you realised what it was. Blood.

“Sherlock,” your voice wavered. “What happened?”

You didn't receive a reply. Sherlock's back was to you, but you could still clearly see his struggle to breathe as his shoulders tensed. He pulled off his gloves slowly, hands shaking.

The room was deathly quiet. And then it wasn't. Whatever had happened, whatever Sherlock was feeling, whatever he had pent up inside came out all at once in a blind rage.

One sweep of his arm sent several books and heaps of paper flying from the desk, he brought his fist down on the tables top so hard you swore you heard the wood splinter. Several more books were pulled from the bookcase and not even the sentiment Sherlock held for his skull was enough to stop the youngest Holmes from picking up the human remain and chucking it across the room. His rage continued to the kitchen as the table was completely overturned, any unfortunate glass or cutlery that had been left on its surface shattering into ceramic shards as they met the cold floor. One of the cupboards was almost completely taken off its hinges. And through all of this, Sherlock cried.

You watched on in shock, frozen to the spot as you watched Sherlock destroy anything he came in contact with. No matter how much your mind yelled at you to do something, to move and comfort the man you loved, the horror kept you glued to the spot. Whatever had happened, had destroyed Sherlock entirely. You weren't entirely sure you'd be capable of dealing with it.

You were pulled from your frozen state as Sherlock turned his anger to the flat door. His fist connected with the wood. Once, twice, over and over. The timber was splintering and Sherlock's knuckles were bloodied, but he didn't stop. He just kept going, his strangled shouts tearing at your heart.

“Sherlock,” You approached him slowly but with unfaltering trust. Despite the violence you'd just witnessed unfold in the flat, you weren't afraid of Sherlock, not for a second.

“Hey, hey-,” Your hand brushed his shoulder but it didn't lessen his assault on the door. “Sherlock, stop it.”

Blood was flowing freely from his knuckles down his fingers in bright crimson lines.

“Stop it!”

Grabbing hold of his shoulder and forcibly pulling him away from the abused piece of wood. He struggled against you, attempting to push you away, but despite being taller and stronger than you, you managed to hold your ground against him. (The bloodied hand, sprained wrist and potentially broken fingers weren't playing in his favour.)

“Let me go!” Sherlock's tone was heart-wrenching, his voice hoarse from the shouting he'd done moments before. His vocal cords were spent. “Let me go!” He continued to struggle against you. His voice no longer resembled that of the stoic, detective you'd fallen for, but of a terrified child that had witnessed something they shouldn't have. “Let me-”

Sherlock's harrowing shouts broke into distressed sobs. He stopped fighting and allowed himself to collapse against you. The tears dampened your skin as Sherlock buried himself into the crook of your neck.

Sherlock's legs gave way and he was sent to the ground, you went with him. He clutched onto you for dear life, fingers clutching at your shoulders so tightly you could feel his nails digging into your skin. He was holding you so closely against him it was beginning to constrict your ability to breathe. But you didn't complain. You just kept running your hand through his hair and doing your best to soothe him.

You had never seen him in such a state. In fact, you'd never seen anyone in such a state. Everything you'd been through with Sherlock, the cases, the drugs, all of it and you'd never seen an outburst that could even begin to compare to the magnitude of the one you'd just witnessed.

“Sherlock,” you managed after a while, your own voice trembling slightly. “What happened?”

His voice wavered, sobs wracking his body. You ran your hand through his hair again.

“Hey, look at me,” your hand gently caressed his cheek and wiped away stray tears, your thumb catching them as they continued to fall. “It's okay, whatever happened, it's okay. Just talk to me, Sherlock.” You masterfully hid your worry beneath a gentle tone as you urged him to continue.

Sherlock swallowed down a rising sob and managed to choke out a somewhat coherent answer.

“Mary,” he cried. “She's dead.”

Your heart stopped beating for a moment, your breath catching in your throat. Tears formed in your eyes as the world shattered around you at the revelation. When you finally exhaled, reality hit.

Sherlock broke again and this time, you broke with him.

You cried into Sherlock's shoulder. You cried for Mary, your best friend. You cried for John, who'd lost his wife and for little Rosie, who'd lost her mother. You weren't quite sure just how long you spent weeping, all you could hear was the same two words playing on repeat in your mind. ‘She’s dead’.

You were only pulled back to what was left of your reality by the sound of Sherlock's distraught voice.

“It's-It's my fault!” Sherlock cried and you swore you'd never heard anyone sound so broken. “I killed her.”

“Sherlock,” you tried, expression falling when he flinched away from your touch. “Sherlock, please.” You carefully slipped your hand into his and he grasped onto it like a lifeline. “Listen to me. You didn't kill her. Mary, she-” you couldn't find the words to finish.

You knew Sherlock was lying, you may not have known the whole story yet but you knew Sherlock hadn't killed Mary. But he was blaming himself, and you couldn't allow him carry that kind of weight.

“It's going to be okay, I promise. We'll- we'll figure it out.”

You knew your words were empty. Mary was dead. The life you'd known yesterday was gone. It wasn't going to be okay, not for a long time if ever. But you needed to say something, anything, to help ease the heartache you were both feeling. You had to be strong, for him.

“I promised,” Sherlock's voice had been reduced to a whimper. “I- I promised I'd keep her safe.”

Having no other empty promises to offer, you did the only thing your distressed mind would allow. You pulled Sherlock against you and held him close. He sobbed into your shoulder, completely inconsolable.

“It's okay,” you comforted, holding the pieces together as Sherlock broke in your arms. “It's okay, I'm here.”

You glanced around the wreckage of the flat. Both your belongings were strewn along the floor, mostly in pieces. But none of that mattered, not now. At the moment there was only one broken thing you were focused on fixing.

Wordlessly, you stood. Sherlock's hold on you tightened, almost as if he feared you were leaving him. But a comforting hand grasping his own eased his worries. You pulled him to his feet and together, navigated across the treacherous kitchen floor that was covered in broken glass.

You pulled the first aid kit from the cupboard and Sherlock caught on, obediently seating himself in one of the chairs that had remained standing during his outburst.

Your fingers gently caught Sherlock's wrist and drew his hand close to you. First, you washed away the blood and then pressed the disinfectant wipe to his knuckles. Sherlock didn't react.

You sniffled as you worked, wiping at your eyes. Sherlock made no comment, his own tears were yet to stop. Focusing on Sherlock's injury and the task at hand was currently the only thing stopping you from breaking again.

You dried the wound and bandaged it up, not that it was necessarily needed, but it was something to focus on.

When you finished tending to the injury, you didn't let go of Sherlock's hand. You sat together for a moment, the silence deafening.

You glanced at him through blurred vision. His eyes reflected what you were both feeling. You were both broken. Mary, your best friend, was gone and the family you'd both found had been torn apart.

Sherlock pulled you into him, his strong hold suggesting that he didn't plan on letting go anytime soon. You held him just as tightly.

You sat together amidst the wreckage, mourning both Mary and the life you'd both had just hours earlier. You'd both lost your best friend and you knew the fallout would be unimaginable. But for now, you had each other, and you hoped that would be enough to make it through what was to come.

~~~~~~

Forever tag list: @miraclesoflove​ @bakerstreethound​ @kealohilani-tepise

Sherlock tag list: @fanfictionsilove​ @quentawewe​ @andreasworlsboring101​ @starrykitn​  @doozywoozy​ @xxinvisiblexx​ @the-worst-critic​ @Jellyfishbeansontoast @Xhz17x

#bbc sherlock x reader #sherlock x reader #Sherlock Holmes x Reader #sherlock x you #sherlock imagine #sherlock x y/n #sherlock holmes x you #Sherlock Holmes fanfiction #bbc sherlock fic #bbc sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #Sherlock #sherlock fanfiction #bbc sherlock imagine #sherlock fanfic #sherlock x reader angst #his last vow #4x01

[gxccistyless]

the untitled song

The one where he royally fucks up. Y/n is friends with Harry and has been for a long time, but he hurts her in the worst way possible. TRIGGER WARNINGS: mention of attempted suicide.

When Harry first wrote the song he had never intended for it to see the light of day and he had most certainly never intended to hurt you. Sometimes he finds himself writing songs as a form of therapy and sometimes as a gentle reminder of memories he never wants to let go of, this song was a creation born for both of those reasons. You had been his lifelong friend and had seen each other through all different seasons of life, he had been your friend first and then somewhere along the line he had begun to feel something more toward you, but he had a complicated life and he didn’t want to throw you into the circus of it all, he liked that when he went home he was just Harry to you and not Harry Styles the celebrity. Truthfully somewhere along the way, your feelings toward him had also began to be something more but you were unaware of the way he had felt about you and so you never acted on it

A week after his stepfathers funeral and almost a year to the day since your own mothers’ death you found yourselves in his backyard slightly intoxicated. Harry had a rough time figuring out his emotions and would often turn to writing, it gave him a way to put everything into words. You on the other hand did everything in your power to hide yours. Six drinks in however, you had both been able to open up, Harry sharing his struggles, his fears and his worries and for the first time ever you were sharing yours too.

You had known him before he was anyone to be known, and although his life had become quite the circus, the two of you still remained close.  When you heard the news about his stepfather, he asked if you would come and you were quick to oblige dropping everything to head to be with him for the week. It was your last night there after what had been a long week and Harry had decided they should have a few drinks and just relax and let off some steam. He told you about how in awe of you  he was, how you’d handled your mums death so gracefully and had remained so well put together afterwards, he hoped he’d be able to do the same and be as strong as you had been. Harry’s words eat at you, he grows concerned that his comments had upset you when your head falls toward the ground, you can feel the tears welling in your eyes.

He’s a bit taken back, he was only trying to compliment you, show you how much you inspire him. You wipes the tears that have now begun pooling on your cheeks and then sharw with him something you hadn’t dared talk about to anyone since it happened  I tried to kill myself, Harry. It all went down shortly after your mothers death when everyone who was significant in your life had dispersed out of their small town after the funeral and back to their jobs. Your brother had found you and managed revive you. Between a short stay in the ICU, ten days in a ward and then a stay in the psych ward you had been in the hospital for weeks afterward. Harry shakes his head at your revelation, this couldn’t be true, he would have known. It’s true Harry, I didn’t expect you to know though. You had barely enough time to be here for the funeral I didn’t even see you that day that’s his quick you came and went, and then you were on tour... it’s okay that you didn’t know, I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. Harry didn’t know what to say or how to feel, he just brings you a little closer to him and grips you a little tighter, thankful that you’re still here. Harry was sure that if anything had happened to you that Anne would have told him. At this point you are really intoxicated and Harry is starting to feel the effects of the alcohol heading closer to the point of recklessness. The two of you call it a night.  

You left town the next day to head back to London, you had recently taken a job in the city and were able to afford rent there which finally got you out of this small town and kept you busy, the two of you returned to normal life and never talked about it any further. But still the conversation played on his mind, how you has been in your darkest moment and he hadn’t been there. How he had barely had enough time to be there for his closest friend when her mother had just passed, how he had failed to check up on you in the weeks that followed, how you could have actually died. 

When he finally got back to writing, his conversation with you was one of the first things he wrote about. It was one of the first pieces that he wrote beginning to end, he never intended for it to get further than him and a guitar and a recording on his phone, something he might play to you someday, but then one night whilst he was high he accidentally showed it to his engineer who immediately fell in love with it. His engineer convinced him to just see the song through, told him it wouldn’t have to be in the final cut for the album but that it deserved to be finished properly, so Harry obliged and he finished the song in its entirety.

The album was close to being finished, his label telling him they just needed one or two more songs that were slower in tempo and had more emotion you know like  a tear jerker were Jeff’s exact words. Harry you should show him that untitled one we had been working on at the beginning Harry silently curses his engineer in his mind, he’s reluctant to play the song to Jeff but he does it anyway. Jeff loves the song says that it should be the second single, the public will eat it right up. Once again Harry reluctantly agrees.

He knows that one way or the other you are going to hear this song and you are going to know that it is about you, and specifically about that night when you had shared your darkest secret with him. Harry wanted to be the one to play the song for you, he thought it would be best coming from him in a controlled environment and he most certainly didn’t want you to hear it for the first time at his launch party or on the radio. The week that he intended to drive home to show you, your father suddenly passed, it didn’t seem like a good time and he didn’t want to cause you any more grief than you were already going through. He tried again two weeks later but you had been in such good spirits, he didn’t want to ruin your time together by making you upset. 

The original plan was that he would drive back to his mum’s the day after his listening party and play it for you before it would be released to the public. The listening party was only going to be intimate and was due to be held two days before the release of the album, and since you had to work and wouldn’t be there he didn’t see anything wrong with the plan. Except this is Harry and almost nothing goes to plan. Gemma and Anne who are unaware of the song arranged for you to have a ticket, to surprise Harry on one of his biggest nights. He doesn’t see you till he comes out into the room and it’s already too late they’re already about to press play on the album, he thought he felt nervously sick before but now seeing you here in the room he feels even worse.

Everything was going smoothly and everyone seemed to be enjoying the songs as they continued to go through each of them, Harry introducing them and talking a bit about them before hand, when he gets to track 5 his throat dries up and he feels as if he can’t talk. He doesn’t give this song an introduction just pressing play. The song is halfway through the first verse when you begin to realise this song that you are listening to in a room full of people who don’t know you (minus Anne and Gemma and Harry of course) is about you, is about that night by the fire where things got a little too deep and dark and emotional. You stare at him waiting for him to make eye contact with you, but he never does, he’s too scared to lift his head and have your eyes meet. He knows he will look up to undoubtedly find you crying and that he has let you down and right now he can’t think about it too much, he needs to push through the last eight tracks. You excuse yourself quietly, telling Gemma you aren’t feeling well before the chorus even hits and slip out the back exit.

Harry knows that he has royally fucked up. He tries calling you when he excuses himself to go to the bathroom, it goes straight to voicemail a few times and then after that your number doesn’t even dial at all. He has disappointed you, he’s disappointed himself. When he gets back out and spots his mother and sister the anger and disappointment is all over their faces too. The car ride back to his house is silent, Anne taking in deep breaths so that she won’t scream in front of the lovely driver Harry’s management had hired to get them home. When they finally make it through the door and they are by themselves she absolutely lets him have a piece of her mind. You should have asked her permission before putting out something like that. Harry tries to reason with Anne, explaining he had no choice when he knows deep down that he did, explaining that he tried to show you the song but he couldn’t catch you at the right time. It’s Gemma’s turn to chime in now  There was no right time Harry, should have never been on the album in the first place. Gemma was right, but it was done now the only thing he could do would be to try and salvage things with you as best he could. But you wouldn’t take his calls, didn’t respond to his texts and truthfully he had no idea where to start looking for you.  The following morning when Anne had calmed down some, she had found Harry sleeping on the sofa still in the clothes from last night gripping his phone on his chest, she knows he must have fallen asleep there as he desperately tried all night to get in touch with you. When he woke up he told her everything from beginning to end, he knew that song shouldn’t have been on the album and she knew that there was nothing he could do now to change the fact that it was. 

Whilst you weren’t replying to Harry’s texts or answering his calls you had no intentions of doing the same to Anne. The first time Anne rings you, it goes to voicemail. Anne leaves you a lovely message, tells you she’d love to see you before she leaves London to head back home. Only when you know that it is her calling, you send her a quick text back to explain that you are okay and that you have escaped for the week back home to Holmes Chapel, but would love to see her regardless.  It had been too long since you had last seen Anne. You think it may have been at the funeral, or in the days after, but your weekends have been busy and you hardly make it home. Even when you do make it home, recently your weekends had been filled with looking after your sick father and your brother who even at 24 years old was unable to do anything for himself. Regardless of how long it had been since you last saw Anne, she held a special place in your heart. Her and your own mother had been close and Anne had been there for you in the months after losing her, she came every day that she was allowed to see you in the hospital, to make sure you knew you were loved. She promised to never tell Harry, you made her promise. You didn’t want to worry him and you didn’t want to distract or burden him, you somehow still worried for everyone else even though you were the one struggling. It’s almost noon when she arrived at your house in Holmes Chapel on Sunday. At this point Harry’s album had been out for 24 hours and had shot straight to the top of the charts. Even though you were angry at him, you were still proud.  Anne brings you in tight for a hug as soon as you open the door. You are relieved that she has come by herself, not having decided yet if you ever want to talk to or see Harry ever again. Once tea is drunk and scones have been had Anne flips out her phone. Y/n love, have you had a chance to listen to Harry’s album... in full? She knows it’s a tough ask, especially because of the song. I haven’t, no. I hear it’s doing wonderful though... he must be so happy. You secretly hope that this conversation is nearing its end, not wanting to talk about Harry anymore. He’s not doing the greatest love  Anne pauses for a moment. She knows she shouldn’t get involved, but she has loved you like a second daughter since you and Harry were young and has always secretly hoped the two of you would end up together. I know he shouldn’t have put the song on the album, but my wonderful numbskulled son really didn’t know you were going to be there at the party and apparently he had been trying for weeks to share it with you but between your dad and then you having really good days he didn’t want to mess it up... I know it might be hard for you, but if I’m being honest, it’s one of my favourite songs. Will you try to listen to it? Because she is like a second mother to you and because you don’t want to let her down or cause her any pain, you agree. She hugs you extra tight when she leaves and makes you promise to visit when you’re back in town again next. 

You fulfil your promise to Anne listening to the song two nights later after making your way back to London and having five too many wines. It was hard for you to listen to, but when you finish it the first time you instantly want to listen again and suddenly it’s on repeat and you instantly regret leaving before the chorus. In between sobs you manage to dial Harry’s number, the phone barely ringing before he answers. Y/n? Ello? You there? He hears your muffled sobs on the other end, where are you? Are you back in London? Please tell me where you are? You tell him your address and twenty minutes later there are some light taps on your apartment door. When he comes in you’re still sobbing and the song is still playing. He puts out his arms and wraps them around you and you sob, the two of you standing there whilst the song plays three times over. It’s a beautiful song you manage to somehow get words out between sobs and laboured breathing I mean it’s okay, it wasn’t supposed to make the album, but it’s there and there’s nothing I can do and I’m going to be sorry for the rest of our lives. Somehow the two of you make it to the couch. You share with him your anger and frustrations and thoughts about everything, how he’s broken your trust, how you’re scared to tell him anything anymore, how you’re angry that his team made YOU sign and NDA but he’s free to write songs about your disclosures and how that isn’t fair. He agrees that it isn’t fair, and he apologises again and again over and over until you can’t take it anymore. 

It takes you some time to trust Harry again after this. He has his lawyers draw up an NDA for him to sign, with a promise that you can sue him if he ever discloses anything private about you ever again. 

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