#but then a reader from the genre that's being pushed as The Majority came into the chat like

[inkovert]

something that really grinds my gears as I venture into other writing/bookish spaces is the fact that people have to apologize when stating their opinions/personal preferences when it comes to what they read or consume for fear of offending The Majority. Like there's this sudden hyper-defensive stance that fans or certain groups of people take about what they love and if someone else god forbid states (on their OWN account or a comment thread mind you, with others who agree with them) that they prefer not to consume those things or they don't love it as much as those people do then these people suddenly feel attacked??

Like. Imagine me obsessing over a show that I've binged a million times and then someone across the globe whispers the words "eh I don't really like that show, it feels overhyped and I don't get why people like it. I prefer this other show to that' and I DIVE ACROSS THE OCEAN to be like 'You're entitled to like that other show, but I don't get why you have to put down my show that I love so much in order to say that. Like that's just very rude of you to even verbalize that opinion in your own space of living and existing that's nowhere near my space of living and existing.'

Like??? People?? Do we not see how mad that is?? THAT'S what's happening in the book community rn and we're treating that like it's normal, I don't know. I get that people can cross a line when stating an opinion or make generalizations about people who consume certain things, but...I don't need someone else's validation to love what I love? If they don't like it or think I'm weird or whatever for liking it that's their problem (and their opinion)??? It doesn't say anything about me or change how I feel about the things I like? And if I'm around people who are bashing what I enjoy and I don't want to see that then maybe just...click away? delete their comment? click unfollow? follow more people who like what you love to drown it out? idk. People are entitled to not like what you love, that's what makes us all beautifully diverse. idk.

#inkoverted thoughts #maybe my first mistake was leaving Tumblr to look at other bookish/writing communities #and this wasn't even TikTok which I refuse to touch with a ten foot pole #but I just watched a YT video of a girl talking about things she hates in Web comics and it was obviously said with goodnatured humor #but she still apologized or had to clarify that like these are just her opinions and she's not bashing people who enjoy these things #and someone in the comments was like I hate that she had to do that bc people can't take a joke or respect others' opinions #and I didn't even clock it when I watched the video but I was like yeah you're right... #and then I go on Insta and I see an author being like #'in a time when spicy romantasy books are being obsessed over...I'm writing “clean” sci-fi slow burn romance #and most people in the comments were like 'yes thank you I appreciate you adding some variety to the bookish community' #or 'there are diverse readers who like all types of genres its only that the romance readers are the loudest and dominating social media' #which is a separate thing that I do think is a valid point #but then a reader from the genre that's being pushed as The Majority came into the chat like #'good for you for writing a sci-fi slow burn - that sounds interesting but you don't have to put down other books when you say that' #and I'm just blinking at the comment like 😃 #whooooo? where did OP put down other books??? #all they did was say they're going against the grain and writing something less popular amongst the online book community #please learn reading comprehension #and fifth of all - if this upsets you why did you feel the need to click on it and comment like??? #go back to your spicy romantasy community and talk to them I don't???? what do you gain from being in this comment thread?? #I'm getting frustrated for no reason but it's just so mad to me that people have to walk on eggshells now to share what they like and don't #ON THIER OWN ACCOUNTS #mad #absolutely MAD #there was a separate debate that came up about the fact that people using “clean” to describe non-smut stories implies smut is dirty #which I didn't even think that and I don't even think that's what people meant to imply when using that term #it's the same way you would use the word “clean” to describe something PG vs something rated R or M in my opinion #but that's a whole other thing I'm not gonna get into #if you want a reason to be mad 24/7 then how about getting offline and looking at what's going on in the world? 😀 #better use of your anger I can *promise* you

[bluejutdae]

• best friend Stray Kids saving you (or being saved by you) from a bad date | Minho x you

Chan, Changbin, Jisung, Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin

genre: friends to lovers

warnings: asshole date, nothing happens but reader thinks her date might follow her home

This night has been terrible so far. Your friend convinced you to go out with one of her colleagues to get over your crush for Minho, and you knew it was pointless, but she insisted so much you have lost the will to fight. So you wore a nice dress and a minute before you left the apartment, the guy texted you saying there was a change of plans and to meet two hours later and at a different location. Is the dating scene like this for everybody? You haven’t dated anyone for a long time, a bit because of how things ended with your last boyfriend but mostly because of the raging (unreciprocated) crush for Minho.

Minho’s now one of your closest friends, but you never actually gave up on your feelings for him. It’s almost comfortable, safe in a way, to love someone knowing things won’t change but won’t end either.

But for the sake of shutting up your friend, you are now in a very shitty situation. The guy is pretty, you’re mature enough to admit that, but he’s a major asshole. Even ignoring the last minute change of plans, the fact that he arrived 25 minutes later and apparently the new location is a nightclub. His hands have been on you the moment he introduced himself and the more you try to put some distance between you two, the more he’s all over you. You could just leave, that’s true. It’s also true that this guy is very set on never leaving your side and he’s so pushy you’re certain he wouldn’t hesitate to follow you home.

You wonder when Minho is going to be here so you can at least leave the club and have him keep you company, when you feel a hand grabbing your wrist. You turn to find the hand holding you belongs to Minho himself and he’s looking at you with a surly expression, teeth clenched and a frown between his eyebrows. “We’re going home.”

His voice is cold and firm, you’ve never heard him speak to you like that. Your date notices the scene and turns to Minho. “Woah dude, she’s mine tonight.”

Minho’s cold stare rests on the guy and at the same time your friend makes a step to place himself between you and your date. “She’ll never be yours, not tonight, not never. She belongs to me. Dude.” The last word was spat through Minho’s teeth, mocking and a bit cruel.

Words die on the guy’s tongue when Minho gets into his face and says something too quiet for you to hear.

A moment later he’s gently pushing you away and through the crowd, towards the exit.

“Well, that was intense,” you joke when you’re safe on the sidewalk.

“Don’t you ever put yourself into a situation like this. Ever again.” He’s on your face, almost screaming the words at you, anger contorting his face.

You can understand he was worried, but you don’t like the way he’s talking to you.

“Ya, Minho! Do you think I wanted that?” You raise your eyebrows. “I didn’t call you so you could scold me! I called you because I trusted you to help me, I know I was in a shitty situation!”

“And yet you still got into this situation!” He rebuts, and in this moment you hate him a little.

Why is he judging you like this? Why is he blaming you? Sure, you were a bit too naive but it’s not like you consciously decided to put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

“This clearly wasn’t what I expected.”

“No? You’re the one who decided to go to a club with a man you didn’t know. And you came alone! Was bringing a friend too easy?”

“Fuck you, Minho!”

You stalk away, towards the direction of the bus stop. Why is he mad at you now? He’s never been mean or cruel to you, despite what lots of people say about him, he’s a caring friend.

You can hear his footsteps getting close and you almost laugh at the thought that comes to your mind: you are always so focused on him, you can now recognize his footsteps.

“I parked in the other direction.”

“Then go the other direction. I don’t need you here. Sorry I bothered you. I won’t be your problem anymore.”

“You are my problem.”

“Oh, so I really am a problem to you.” You can believe him. All this because he had to come get you? You didn’t think it’d be such a hassle.

“Yes. You’ve been my problem since I met you.”

“You’re being so fucking cruel tonight, Minho.”

“I am not- can you stop walking?” He asks, sounding exasperated. You stop and face him, one hand on your hip and your lips pursed in disapproval. “So you can tell me more about how I’m a problem?”

“I didn’t say a problem.”

“You said exac-“

“I said MY problem! Emphasis on my. Because you’re not other people’s problem. And I don’t want you to belong to other guys, don’t want them to call you theirs! I want you to be mine.”

You stare at him for half a minute, silent and still. Putting aside the fact that he’s repeating the fact that you’re a problem, you try to read between the lines.

“Is this a fucked up way to tell me you have feeling for me?”

“Yes.”

This is ridiculous. Really ridiculous. Your crush has feelings for you. And the most backwards way of confessing. Well, considering he is Minho, it’s pretty in character for him. Still ridiculous, though.

“I didn’t know you decided to go on dates.” He says it like a second thought.

“I didn’t.”

“You were on a date.”

“Doesn’t mean I decided to go on dates.”

“Means exactly that.”

“Jesus, Minho. Can you ever drop something?”

“Not when it’s about you.”

This asshole. How can you find his otherwise annoying answers amusing?

“My friend insisted so much that she wore me down, so I accepted this date with her colleague. So, as I said, I haven’t decided to go on dates.”

“Good.”

“You can never be normal, uh? Always with a weird answer.”

“You like weird.”

“I do.”

“You’re normal. I like normal.”

He likes normal, and he likes you. And he tells you so in a Minho way at least another ten times in the following minutes, during your way home.

You say goodbye and you’re about to get out of the car, when he puts his hand on your arm, an hesitant expression on his face. “No more other guys, right?”

You smile softly at him. “No more other guys. There hasn’t really been another guy since I met you.”

His smile is all you need.

#stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #bluejutdae #skz #minho smau #minho imagines #minho fanfic #minho scenarios #Thiana writes Minho

[nightswatchdisbandmentera]

The thing about Jon that a lot of people forget is that he is actually a rather well known figure all around Westeros. I don’t think it’s incorrect to say that he’s Ned’s most famous kid by a large margin, and perhaps even one of the more famous teens in Westeros; especially now that he has become Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and his reputation has began to stretch to a different continent. Because of his very unusual origin - being honorable Ned Stark’s bastard son by an unknown woman - his name has been passed around in noble houses across the entire continent. He’s not some random kid from the North that no one has heard of. The majority of people may not have seen him, but they have at the very least heard of him.

I bring this up because people tend to act as if Jon would be automatically scoffed away by just about everyone if his true parentage ever came to light. After all, they say, why would anyone believe that some random kid from the north is a Targaryen prince? But this is not really true. Jon is not a random kid. His father was one of the most powerful men in the entire land. And not only that, but Ned’s reputation as an honorable man with no fault ensured that the scandal of begetting a bastard was known by everyone who is someone. The thing is, readers tend to ignore a very large gaping hole in the story when it comes to public perception of Jon’s parentage. People all over Westeros have been talking about Ned and his bastard, but no one can agree on the mother - this is actually important!

Most people would not have questioned Ned to his face, but they too want to know who Jon’s mother was, even if it’s just for a little bit of gossip among nobles. Jon’s parentage is a mysterious puzzle that a lot of people have tried to solve themselves. Catelyn hears one answer in Winterfell, but Davos hears another on his way to White Harbor. Edric Dayne from Dorne says a different name to Arya, while Cersei and Robert (who both live in KL) hear different things. That there’s so much variation all around Westeros is actually proof that a lot of people are talking about this one issue. And Ned’s refusal to name a woman may actually end up having unexpected consequences when someone finally mentions the name “Lyanna Stark”.

So I would like to push back on the belief that no one in Westeros would care about the R+L=J reveal or that they would immediately write Jon off. GRRM deciding to keep Jon’s mother an in universe mystery that is the topic of constant conversation will have major payoff. While I could see some being incredulous, it’s absolutely not a foregone conclusion that most people will choose not to believe it. And it’s not a foregone conclusion that this reveal will only matter to the Stark kids and no one else. Sure GRRM is playing with fantasy tropes, and Jon squarely falls under the hidden prince/king. But something that makes Jon quite different from a lot of his genre counterparts is that he’s not an unknown figure who shows up at the last minute to claim the crown. Jon is not an unknown entity. He is well known, it’s just that very few people have dared to think too deeply about the very large elephant in the room regarding his origin. But I’d imagine that if R+L=J was to be revealed, it wouldn’t be too shocking for a lot of people. It’s not so far fetched that honorable Ned Stark actually chose to protect his sister’s son.

And in regards to GRRM playing with fantasy tropes, Young Griff always comes up in conversation as Jon’s foil. People say that he will be the one to be believed because he looks the part of a Targaryen, whereas a random kid from the North won’t be believed because of his brown hair and grey eyes. Jon doesn’t look like some random unrecognizable Northman. He very specifically looks like a Stark! And anyway, is Jon’s story - that Ned took him in after his sister died and raised him as his own under the protective banner of House Stark - any less believable than Young Griff’s - that Varys had the foresight to save him and whisk him off to Essos before the Mountain bashed his head in? Until now, people have never heard of Young Griff so they’ve never had the opportunity to ruminate over and gossip about his origin story. But they know Jon. And they know about Rhaegar and Lyanna. And Jon looking so very undeniably like a Stark (like Lyanna Stark!) could perhaps work in his favor.

#jon snow #asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #r plus l equals j #my stuff #early morning rambling but oh well

[kookslastbutton]

Love's Remedy, On Fire ༓ jjk (m) l ch. I

✑ Summary: Jungkook is a romantic. He comes from a highly intelligent family who wants him to carry out the lineage. Being this way, he goes to college to be a pharmacist but his friends say college isn't just about studying! With a little persuasion, he goes to his first frat party thinking his hat will help him pick up a girl-or woman he means.

Pairing: STEM major!virgin!jungkook x STEM major!hot girl!reader

AU/genre: angst, smut, fluff, s2l, college au, mini-series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 3,027

Warnings: jk is very cute and determined, jk a romantic, oc has philophobia (fear of relationships), oc is not mean here but she teases jk, feat Jackson and Jae-beom, if i missed warning lmk!

Now Playing: seven, summertime sadness, she’s kerosene, angels like you+

A/N: um ok I swear this was supposed to be a pwp crack fic about jk wanting to get laid with a hat on. This turned into a very angsty but fluffy series and I'm sorry 😬 lmk what you think and tysm for reading! 💞 I know title is sucky

ch. lI >> | series masterlist

Over the entirety of his nineteen years, Jungkook was pushed to prepare for one thing—college entrance exams.

It was a huge deal and getting into one of the leading universities in South Korea was a must for him. You see, the Jeons were nobody to laugh at with the bulk of them being high-ranking medical doctors, engineers, and lawyers. Continuing this legacy, therefore, was far from a choice, Jungkook had to follow suit.

When the results of the exams came back Jungkook passed with flying colors. It wasn't a surprise though since he spent all his time studying his ass off until the dawn. Jungkook indeed got accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in Seoul and his parents, teachers, and friends were quick to give their congratulations. He felt good too...no, he felt damn good.

Now he was here he was, standing in the middle of campus with his bag slung over one shoulder and a few orientation papers in his hand. It was still the first week of classes and he desperately needed to get to the science building. (He had chosen to follow his father's footsteps and go into biochem).

"Excuse me," he asks with nervous eyes and a wobbling lip. "Do you happen to know where the science building is? I'm late for class but I can't seem to find it."

The student he walks up to for directions looks about his age. He isn't sure if she's in her first year like him but she looks competent with the way she's standing, feet spread apart and a hand on her hip. The skirt she's sporting is incredibly short but the top is full length. She's smacking on hot pink gum as well, popping bubbles every now and then.

"Keep walking straight until you see the statue of President Kim, then take a right. The science building will be right there." You hardly spare him a glance but you make the mental note that he's cute with his fluffy black hair and big lost eyes. You consider asking his name but you shrug the feeling. He was cute yes, but he was too cute which isn't your type.

Jungkook gives a small thank you and walks off. Your directions are vague, but hopefully finding the statue will help him. After a few steps, he looks over his shoulder to see you laughing with your friend.

You have a gorgeous smile.

Probably the last time he'll see you though, he thinks. Jungkook isn't sure how he'd be with a woman given the fact he's never been with one. Surely he'd do better than half the dumbasses out there but guys like him don't stand a chance with a woman like you.

You look like you go for the experienced type and that wasn't him. He goes back to what he was doing, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Hey man, what's your name?" A young guy with bleached blonde hair slides into the seat next to him. Apparently, he wasn't the only one late. "I'm Jackson." The man goes in for a fist bump but stops when it's very obvious it won't be reciprocated.

"I'm Jungkook," he says, more concentrated on what his professor is saying than anything else. Jackson continues talking, however, despite his focused state.

"So, I'm assuming this is your first year?" Jungkook nods. "Me too. Where you from?"

"Busan."

"Cool cool, I'm from Hong Kong." Hearing this makes Jungkook shift his eyes over immediately. The last thing he expected was to meet someone from China. Was this Jackson dude just pulling his leg or was he being serious? Nevertheless, it intrigues him.

"I'm an exchange student." Jackson clarifies. "Always wanted to see what South Korea was like and I know Seoul's got a pretty thriving economy so..." He shrugs. "Figured I'd give it a go and my parents support it. As long as I stay on my doctor's track of course."

Well damn. A doctor was not what Jungkook assumed a guy like Jackson would be going for. This was a prestigious school but it's still a gen ed class they're in right now. Anyone from most majors could be taking it. If he had to guess, Jackson would be a businessman.

"Well enough about me though," Jackson quips. "What do you study?"

"Biochem. My dad works as a physician and my mom's a chemical engineer. I'm going for pharmacology."

"Shit bro," Jackson cusses freely. Jungkook doesn't mean to jump in response but he does. Being all formal talk at home, it's unventured territory. "You guys must be a family of geniuses. Wait...what's your last name?"

"Jeon?"

Jackson nearly falls back in his chair when he hears the name fall from Jungkook's lips. He covers his mouth with both hands to keep himself under wraps. "Are you serious? You're from the Jeon family? Fuck, man, I've been hearing about your family since I was a kid that's how influential your family has been in the medical industry."

Jungkook finds himself intertwining his hands. His family is well-established in what they do but it never occurred to him that they were that well-known. Sure his dad's been featured in a couple of magazines for his work and his mom's been given several awards for her research. But he didn't think they'd gone that publicly beyond their own town.

"Oh shit I'm sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable talking about this? Promise you I'm not a creep or anything!" The urgency in Jackson's tone stirs up the classroom, peers looking over at the two of them in annoyance.

"Do you mind shutting up?" A chestnut-haired boy is the first to speak up. He looks thoroughly pissed, to say the least with his cat-like eyes narrowing at the both of them. "Some of us actually want to graduate here."

"Chill out man. We're sorry." Jackson gives Jungkook a small tight-lipped smile. "We'll talk later."

"We will?"

Jackson gives him a slap on the back. "Yeah it's a given. You and I," he gestures between the two of them. "We should stick together. Being that we're both new around here and we both studying med. Also, was going to wait to tell you but I wanna go to this awesome party that goes on that kicks off the year. You'd think I'd be confident to go by myself but if you're free, I could use a buddy."

A party. Some blonde-haired boy who could very likely become the center of attention wants him, Jeon Jungkook, to go to a party? Jungkook spends most of his time playing video games, studying chem tables, and watching p—well he shouldn't say that part out loud.

"If you don't want to then I get it." Jackson scratches his head. "I don't wanna pressure you or anything. We did just meet and I just thought you looked cool so...."

"Okay." Jungkook accepts before giving it much thought. Besides studying, he was told college was a time to also let loose and have fun. Freedom and all that. That's what his friends back home told him at least. They also mentioned getting laid but...who would give him that fat chance?

If anything, maybe he'll get a friend by going to this little party. Jungkook shoots a small smile in return.

"Okay listen," Jackson says, opening the door to his black Lexus. "I heard this party gets crazy so just be smart and don't get into too much punch."

Jungkook hops in the passenger seat. "But I love punch." He straps his seatbelt in, totally unaware of the punch Jackson"s referring to.

"It's spiked Kook. And I'm guessing your alcohol tolerance is pretty low?" Jackson twists the key and pulls out of the campus parking lot. He doesn't mean to be insulting or anything but his new buddy doesn't look like the party-hardy kinda guy.

In fact, Jungkook decided to....well, wear a hat to this gig. It's not a baseball cap, beanie, or even a greasy cowboy hat.

It's a sunhat. Black at least.

"By the way Jungkook. I don't wanna sound like a dick or anything but can you explain the thing on your head? Because the rest of you looks great, black dress shirt and jeans."

"Oh um." Jungkook rubs his hands on his thighs. He's embarrassed to tell Jackson the truth but he's his buddy now, right? Maybe this can be a bonding thing for them. "I thought it was cute? I mean I wanna...ah." Jungkook lets out a nervous chuckle.

"What is it, man? I promise I won't judge."

"I wanna," he starts again. "Uhm you see I heard that if you wear something out of the ordinary that people will like you more or something. Like they'll be interested..."

"Mhm, cute and out of the ordinary things huh? What kind of people are you trying to impress Jungkook?" Jackson gives a knowing smirk. Who knew his buddy schemes these kinds of stuff.

Jungkook speeds through the answer. "Grs."

"Say it properly and slower."

"Wanna get a girl....woman! I mean...a woman." Jungkook sheepishly grins at Jackson. Please don't laugh at me, he begs silently.

"You dog!" Jackson pushes Jungkook's shoulder. "My little buddy is a man, well well well. So are you looking for a girlfriend or something else?"

"Wife!" Jungkook bugs out his eyes, no hesitation at all. Jackson struggles not to give even the slightest snort. Didn't Jungkook know what kind of party this is?

"That's very sweet but this isn't the place you're going to find a wife, Jungkook. That's more like if we were going to a speed dating thing....this, this is a frat party, little bro."

Jackson pulls up to the front of the giant, lit-up house. They could hear electronic music blasting outside and all over the lawn were shirtless guys and scantily-dressed women. Some were off making out while others were drinking in groups.

Jungkook tenses at the sight. He used to fancy black tie parties where everyone is dressed to the hill and drinking is moderate. Jackson is right, he is not finding a wife here. Dammit. But he really doesn't want to give up his hat.

"Yo Jackson," a guy with pitch-black hair greets the man with a fist bump. So that's how it's done, Jungkook observes. "Glad you could make it!"

"Jae-beom, what's good man?! I wouldn't miss this party for the world. I brought a friend." He ushers Jungkook to come forward. "This is Jungkook. He's in my class."

"Nice to meet you Jungkook!" Jae-beom moves in for a fist bump which ends up making contact with Jungkook's fist. It's not as sharp as with Jackson but it's a fist bump. "I used to work with Jackson over the summer. Always stealing my tips this man!"

"Hey, I did not do that!" Jackson gives a hearty laugh and shoves Jae-beom hard enough for him to lose his balance a little. "You kept leaving for a smoke. I had to wait your tables half the time!"

"I wasn't going for a smoke Jack—woah hey baby. What's your name?" The man shifts his focus to the girl walking past them. She has bright red lipstick, a black crop top, and jean shorts.

"Fuck off." She snaps before looking at Jungkook. "Cute hat by the way."

Everyone looks at Jungkook at that moment who's motionless. They hope to god he says something back but he only stares. The girl smirks at him and quirks her head to the side. "What's your name? I gotta friend who'd be all over you in a heartbeat, though she'd never admit it."

Jackson throws a mouth over his hand, eyes wide in amusement. This girl did not just propose Jungkook, his buddy who's looking for a wife, to get off with her friend.

"Um...yeah no. No, it's okay but thanks." Jungkook can barely sound the words. This girl in front of him was really, really hot but intimidating. "Yes thank you but I'm looking for a..."

"Don't-" Jackson lunges forward.

"Wife." Jungkook smiles at the girl a little too angelically. "I'm Jungkook though. What's your name?"

The girl bites her lip. "Well, it's too bad then Jungkook. Because you're so fucking cute and I know you'd like each other. Why don't you meet her? Even if it's just to say hi?"

Jungkook looks at Jackson who only shrugs. "Up to you man."

Jungkook makes his way through the heavy crowd. He bumps into a few people on the way but thankfully he's able to still see the girl, apparently who goes by Crystal.

Jungkook isn't convinced it's her real name but if that's what she wants to be called who is he to dispute?

Once they get to the other side of the room, Jungkook spots a woman with a tight black dress on. It falls mid-thigh and has laced-up sides. When they near the woman Jungkook feels himself sweating bullets.

"__!" Crystal taps on your shoulder. "I brought you, someone, to meet. This is Jungkook!"

You turn around, drink in hand. You look fucking stunning. Jungkook can't believe it's you. He's seeing you again and he wishes he didn't wear this damn hat now! He goes to yank it off but Crystal stops him.

"Hey, the hat's cute. Keep it on!"

"I-but," he looks at you. "But it's making me hot." You're making me hot.

You give a shrug. "Do what you want Jungkook. It's your head at stake." You take a sip of your drink. You really did not expect to see the shy guy from this morning be at a frat party. "Good to see you again."

"Oh, you know each other?"

"We had a slight run in this morning. Baby had to get to the science building." You take a scan at what he's wearing. Black shirt that cuts at the elbows, denim jeans, and sneakers. Not bad compared to the sweater he was wearing this morning.

"I'm—I'm not a baby." Jungkook can't stop himself from feeling offended. Whether you meant it to be condescending or not, he doesn't want to be seen as a baby! Especially not to you. "I'm a man, okay? I go to the gym and stuff."

"Okay I'm sorry," you say. "I just call everyone baby. I didn't mean anything."

That doesn't seem to relax Jungkook. "I can lift a fuck ton of weights too." He stops once he hears himself cuss out loud. Usually, he does that in his head....goddamn it.

"Mmm," you step towards him, careful not to touch him. Usually by now you'd already be in the bathroom getting railed by some punk but not tonight. Jungkook has your attention. "Can you now? I'm not sure if I believe you. You're kind of a twig, not to be rude or anything."

Jungkook's face turns to a darker shade, eyes piercing into yours. "I can show you I'm not lying."

"Go ahead, do what you will." You fake a yawn until you find yourself suddenly in his arms. They're a lot stronger and more muscular than you thought. "Jungkook! Put me down!"

Everyone at the party starts staring over, giggling at each other. Jungkook gives a satisfied grin. "I have you in my arms, what are you gonna do now? Not believe me again?"

"I-" You're certain your face glowing with embarrassment. "Um no, I believe you Jungkook. Please, set me down."

"Not til you say it --." He challenges-brat. "Say I'm not a baby."

"Jungkook I told you I call everyone baby. It wasn't-okay you're not a baby. Obviously, you lift a lot now please put me down."

Finally, he does what you ask, a proud face on. His hat is a little crooked so you reach out and fix it. It's a reflexive response, you don't even know what you're doing let alone Jungkook.

"Oh, sorry your hat was just-"

"Please go out with me. On a date I mean?" He's so terribly timid but he can't help himself now. He had you in his arms and you're just so beautiful and charming. He needs to know more about you. It's a must.

"Well, I-" Everyone waits for your answer, very nosy clearly. You look at Jungkook with his big eyes and pouty lips. You don't wanna say no but relationships aren't your thing. And it seems that is defiantly all he's in for.

Jungkook's shoulders sulk. He isn't expecting a yes but he was hoping that maybe you'd give him a tiny chance.

"Come on __," Crystal whispers. "Look at him. Don't you think he's cute? Like really cute?"

You look at your best friend with weary eyes. He's so cute but, there's that but. That relationship but. He's going to be the type to want to do all the couple things and snuggle and everything. Jungkook needs someone who is willing to do all the stuff and you? You're not good at any of it.

"I'm sorry Jungkook," you start. "I don't know if-"

"One date __. If it's a no I won't bother you again. I just....I just think you're really gorgeous and I wanna get to know you. That's all." He takes the hat off his head, letting his fluffy hair run free. You kinda wanna touch it if it didn't makes things weird.

His words, however, make your heart thump the tiniest amount. The only time you've ever been called gorgeous is when guys try to get in your bed. It's all you've known other than maybe from a relative. Gorgeous is used pretty regularly, you know that, but this time it's used in an entirely different context.

"I'll tell you what," he says, pulling out his phone. "I'll give you my number and if you change your mind text me or call. I won't bug you and you can delete it right after this if you want, I promise."

You end up taking his number and Jungkook leaves to go back to his buddies. "You should go out with him __," Crystal says.

"I don't know." You watch him stride away. "I'll think about it."

A/N: what am i doing? Idk im running away now bye! lmk what you think and tysm for reading! Comment/ask to be on taglist 💞

Masterlist

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

#bangtanbathhouse #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts x reader #fic:lovesremedyonfire #kookslastbutton

[jaylaxies]

KINKTOBER DAY 18 — TOYS

PAIRING: haechan x fem!reader

GENRE/CW: smut, use of toys (vibrator, hand cuffs, and dildo), mutual masturbation, usage of nicknames, haechan is a perv and so are you.

WC: 1.3k words

WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni

A/N: hihi, angels! hyuck and @jaeminvore never fail to make me go feral istg, i hope you all enjoy reading this :3 all likes, comments, reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated! iloveyou all <33

✎ kinktober masterlist

“If you wanted it so much then you could have just asked for it, sweetheart.”

The voice snapped you out of your daze, eyes opening to see a very smug smile plastered onto your roommate’s face, having caught you in the act of pleasuring yourself with what? A mere vibrator.

You were beyond embarrassed, also frozen as you did not expect to see him back at your shared apartment so early. He was solid two hours early as per his usual schedule, which gave you the perfect opportunity to play with yourself in the privacy of your room, not caring about being loud whenever he was out.

Problem? It was your roommate you always fantasized about while giving attention to your needy cunt, he was irresistibly attractive, and so was your insatiable need to have him, yet you couldn’t quite go to tell him the same, to maintain the decorum of being roommates and all.

Now, Haechan wasn’t a saint by any means. He had lost the count of times he had successfully stolen your panties (especially your white lace ones with the small bow in the middle), from the laundry basket, using the already soiled cloth to jerk off, wrapping it around his cock, his cum straining it further (but you did not need to know about that).

He too was equally as depraved when it came to fantasies—you being the reason and root of the core for the majority of his fantasies at least.

So, when he returned home early, only to hear your sweet moans lingering in the air, he knew he had to take his chances and intrude in hopes of catching you in the act.

What he did not expect, however, was to hear you whimper out his name with your eyes closed, legs spread enough to give him the clearest view of your wetness, along with the pink vibrator which you had been using to stimulate your swollen clit.

That’s exactly when he said that sentence, making you halt your movements altogether, yours legs closing with panic when he took a step inside the room.

“Though, I’m really offended if you think that a measly little vibrator will make you feel half as good as I can,” he spoke up, clicking his tongue before pushing it against his inner cheek, something he did when he was annoyed, or feigned annoyance if you take the current situation into consideration.

“Fuck! Hyuck, I—I’m so sorry, I didn’t know y—you’d be home,” you stated rambling, covering yourself up by side, avoiding eye contact at all costs, but he was quick to chuckle hearing your sentence.

“Shh, darling. You should be happy I’m here to help now. And since I’m so generous, I’ll be keeping the punishment time short,” he mused with amusement, yet you could see the glimpse of darkness in his eyes, swarmed with the desire he’s been holding back all this while.

You gulped, your hands barely hiding your tits as Hyuck shamelessly gave your body a once over, mumbling pretty under his breath.

“What do you mean? P—punishment?” You whispered, and Hyuck could have sworn the sight of you being confused and breathless made him want to ruin you.

He walked closer, leaning against your bed and closing the distance between you two, lips brushing against each other in a gentle caress, which sent a shiver down your spine. You could feel just how soft his lips felt, and you hadn’t even kissed him.

“So fucking cute,” he chuckled, “now be a good girl and open your legs for me if you wanna be fucked properly,” he whispered, his warm hand resting on your thigh, parting them and you gasped when the sudden gust of cold air hit your wetness.

“Fucked? Wait, Hyuck what?” You mumbled, lips on the verge of touching his and your heart felt weaker than ever.

“Just follow what I say, yeah?” He raised his brows, nodding and you found yourself in a daze, nodding back.

Then he leaned back, not giving you the kiss you were so desperately waiting for, rather, he bent down to get a box from below your bed, your eyes widening because Hyuck was not supposed to know where you hid your box of sex toys.

“Be good and you’ll get what you want, baby,” he smirked, seeing how innocent you looked, especially when he handcuffed your hands to the bedpost, getting your blue vibrating dildo out and keeping it beside you.

Your eyes were fixated on his figure, your breath hitching when he took off his T-shirt in one go, exposing his pretty melanin and the faintest abs, which was probably the prettiest sight you had even seen.

He then sat down on the couch right in front of your bed, spreading his legs as he sat, hand resting on his hardening cock. The print of his length was visible through his shorts, your mouth open and dry as the thoughts of wanting to have him in your mouth took over.

“Get that toy, baby. Let me see you pleasure yourself,” he urged, voice sultry and eyes hooded.

“Wait—you won’t touch me?” You asked, sitting with your one wrist cuffed, disappointment clear in your voice.

“So eager to be touched by me, sweetheart? First show me how much you want it,” he said, palming his cock through his pants.

Your body felt warm. Hyuck’s aura was strong, his gaze even stronger and you found yourself following his directions simply because you wanted to be good for him, your subspace pulling you right in.

“C’mon, baby. Show me how you use that dildo, and think of me while you do it,” he commanded.

You picked it up from your free hand, shyly spreading your legs to make space for it, switching it on and rubbing it all over your wet folds, eyes closing as you thought about Hyuck’s tongue, wanting it to replace the toy.

“Hyuck,” you whispered, the toy prodding at your entrance.

“Fuck,” he bit his lip, the sight in front of him was lewd yet the most innocent thing ever, he couldn’t help but get rid of his shorts, stroking his fully hardened cock now.

“Good girl, put it in your tight little cunt,” he said.

You nodded, eyes still closed and breathing ragged, a low moan leaving your lips, which caused Hyuck’s cock to twitch as you pushed the vibrating phallic in you, thighs closing and opening again at the sensation.

A whine of his name left your mouth again, and he could have sworn it was the prettiest sound he had ever heard. You continued your ministrations, leaving the dildo in your cunt and pressing a small vibrator on your clit, doubling the feeling of your unadulterated pleasure, your eyes watering when you saw him fucking his fist at the sight of you touching yourself.

It was too hot for you to handle.

“Yes, baby. Let go for me,” he whispered, watching your body shake and a tear falling down your cheek.

That’s it, that was your punishment—watching Hyuck touch himself but not touching you, which left you frustrated.

An irritated sound left your lips, causing him to chuckle and approach you again.

“What’s wrong, darling? Not satisfied?” He asked, mocking you.

“Please,” you said in a small voice.

“Hm?” He asked, urging you to speak louder.

“Please touch me—fuck me,” you begged, surprising yourself as you had never been this desperate before, your body shivering as it ached for him.

His eyes darkened, his carnal desires taking over, “I hope you’re ready to be fucked all night, darling,” he said, voice deep and promising.

That’s all he said before capturing your lips into a deep kiss, pulling you closer by your neck, your knees weaker than ever as he bit your lower lip, making you go feral with just one action.

Oh you so knew it was going to be a long (and adventurous) night.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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#🎫 — kinktober! #ria:kinktober #haechan smut #donghyuck smut #nct smut #nct dream smut #nct 127 smut #haechan au #haechan x reader #haechan scenarios #nct fanfic #lee haechan smut #kpop smut

[zerobaselove]

a perfect fit | zhang hao

pairing: campus crush! zhang hao x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 3409

warnings: minor swearing probably?  lowercase intended, not proofread

prompts: 4. "what do you want?" "you" 5. "i want to help you, so please, let me." 11. "is that my sweater?"

notes: combined a hao prompt request (i changed the phrasing of 4 a little bit IMSORRY) with a campus crush! hao request and came up with this,,, honestly longer than i was expecting and somehow shorter than i wanted it to be ?? idk.. anyways geology major! hao you are dear to me (i want him so bad i'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure) hope you all enjoy <3

college was stressful. you knew it would be, it had to be expected. but what you didn’t expect was that the hardest part wasn’t the coursework or the seemingly constant stack of homework sprawled across your desk; it was actually paying attention in your classes.

how were you supposed to focus on mantle convection when three rows down was arguably the prettiest boy you had ever seen in your whole life. zhang hao.

you only had a few classes together, but coincidentally, due to your wandering eyes those happened to be the classes you were falling behind in. and he was to blame. 

truth be told, it seemed everyone had some sort of campus crush on the boy; between the way he dressed and carried himself and the way he always managed to be at the top of every class, just about everyone either wanted to be him or be with him. and you couldn’t blame them in the slightest. 

zhang hao was someone to admire from afar; across the lecture hall or the path between buildings. so when he ended up in a study group you had joined in an attempt to graduate with a respectable grade, you were dumbfounded, what was someone like him doing in a study group for a class he was passing with flying colours? maybe it was charity work, you convinced yourself.

the study group was only so effective for you, with zhang hao in the group you couldn’t focus, yet again. it was too hard to not notice the way he fidgeted with the pen in his hand or the way he doodled small animals in the corners of the paper. or the way he leaned over a fellow classmate as he helped them with a particularly complicated question in the textbook. 

you were doomed.

——

after a few weeks of no progress, you were just about to give up. maybe i’ll just drop out and work at a department store or something. you told yourself as you crouched down outside the library you all studied in. 

sure, you were being a little dramatic. but you were one question away from bursting into tears as you walked out of the study group an hour early. the embarrassment of leaving paled in comparison to crying in front of the boy who had been your reason to showing up to class some days. 

“are you okay?” the question pulled you out of your pity party, looking up to see the tall male in front of you. he gave you a worried look at your curled up frame leaned against the brick. “i’m just feeling a little stupid,” you tried to laugh, a dry husk of humour pushing past your lips.

the boy didn’t respond right away, opting to crouch beside you as he sat down on the concrete right next to you. if you weren’t so stressed about your academics right now, you probably would’ve been a stuttering mess at the close proximity. maybe you would’ve even noticed the scent of his cologne. but all you could do in that moment was frantically wipe your eyes and attempt to not look as pathetic as you felt. 

his eyes softened as he watched your hands rest on top of your knees, “you’re not stupid,” he said, a sweet tone in his voice, comforting even, “it’s a difficult class, everyone has been struggling.” his kind words tugged at your heart more than you’d care to admit.

“but everyone else seems to be getting it eventually.” you sniffled, concentrated on the tears threatening to spill again, “and i just keep slipping further and further behind.” you let out a heavy sigh, “i’m never gonna catch up at this rate.” 

you almost forgot the boy was even sitting there, silently listening to your troubles. “shit sorry,” you let out a pitiful laugh, “i didn’t mean to drag you into being my therapist.” 

he shook his head, a smile spreading across his face, “it’s okay, i’m glad you told me.” he turned his head towards you, “how about we make a deal?”

you only tilted your head in curiosity, urging him to continue his train of thought.

“you let me tutor you from now until exams. if you pass, then we both win, and if you don’t, then at least you tried your best.” 

the offer was sweet, but you couldn’t help but wonder why zhang hao of all people would take time out of his days to tutor you.

“what’s in it for you?” you let a small smile break out across your face, the first in what felt like weeks. 

“well,” he pretended to ponder for a moment, “maybe i just want to pass my knowledge onto someone.” you couldn’t help but laugh at the reason as he continued.

“and maybe, this can double as a way to make a new friend, if you’d want.”

sure. “friend” had no real implications of anything beyond a good acquaintance. but you almost choked at the disbelief. the university’s sweetheart, zhang hao wanted to be your friend? the boy you had spent the better part of the last two months trying to tear your eyes off of while your professor droned on about chemical reactions and the composition of rocks.

“are you sure? i don’t wanna take up too much of your time and-“ he cut you off before you could finish. “i wouldn’t offer it if i wasn’t sure,” he smiled gently, “i want to help you, so please, let me.”

you pondered the offer for a moment again. maybe it was the prospect of spending more time with him, or maybe it was just the idea of finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that was this class, but you had made up your mind.

“deal.” your smile widened as you stuck out a hand, his own coming out to shake yours as he mirrored your expression. 

this was going to be interesting.

——

your one on one study sessions had only been going on for a few weeks but you were already starting to grasp the concepts more with zhang hao’s help. “just call me hao.” you recall him insisting on multiple occasions, unaware of the way your brain would try and twist the intimacy behind it. just friends, you had to remind yourself, that was all you two would ever be, and that was honestly more than you ever could have expected. 

“hao,” the name rolling off your tongue, “it’s getting late, can’t we wrap this up?” you whined, pouting a little in hopes of getting sympathy from the boy. as smiley as he was, he was also quite the hard-ass when it came to studying.

“one more question and then we can be done for tonight, deal?” he smiled, gesturing to the last practice question from this page. you let out a huff as you mumbled an acceptance of the deal, grabbing your pencil once again as you wrote out the explanation, scouring your brain for the scientific phrases to communicate your thoughts. 

zhang hao looked over your final answer with a content hum, his hand coming over to ruffle your hair, “good job, you’re getting the hang of this.” 

you stiffened at the contact and praise, you had never really gotten validation like that, especially not from someone like him, and your brain was running with it. 

when you originally agreed to this arrangement you hoped that maybe it would be your way to get over your little campus crush on the boy sitting next to you, but it had only gotten worse, and you were slowly losing it. taking a moment to shake the thoughts from your mind, you started gathering your stuff up to leave, as was zhang hao. 

“don’t forget you’re stuck with me tomorrow too, y/n!” he chuckled lightly before saying his farewells and leaving first, rushing off to meet up with his friend; you were sure he mentioned his name once before, ricky maybe? something like that.

you only nodded as you waved, grabbing your jacket off the back of the chair and slinging your backpack over your shoulder, but then something caught your eye; a light blue hoodie draped across the back of the back of the chair next to you. zhang hao’s sweater. the boy was already long gone, and based on how often he was sporting the hoodie, you assumed it was one of this favourites, so you couldn’t just leave it here. “i’ll just give it back to him tomorrow.” you mumbled to yourself, picking up the sweater and resting it over your arm.

when you got back to your dorm you folded the sweater nicely on your desk, right in your view so you wouldn’t forget it tomorrow. as much as you tried to ignore it, that night you couldn’t help but notice the warm citrus scent of his cologne, and you swore you could smell it in your dreams that night.

——

the next day was a brisk spring day, the warm air having been replaced by a crisp, almost cold, breeze. to say you had not dressed properly was an understatement, you thought to yourself as you walked across the campus towards the library. in a moment of weakness as you called it, or rather a moment of strong winds, you took it upon yourself to throw the pale blue hoodie over your frame. he wouldn’t mind too much right?

sitting at your usual table in the library, you set up your many papers and textbooks, not paying attention as the boy you had grown close to approached the table, a little out of breath. 

“sorry i’m late,” he breathed out, catching his breath after seemingly running here. 

“it’s okay, i was early,” you laughed, finally looking up at the boy who’s cheeks were flushed light pink.

you watched as his gaze traced your figure, taking notice of the sweater you were wearing, “is that my sweater?”

now it was your turn to flush a shade of pink, trying to form a sentence as you stuttered through excuses, “oh, i’m sorry,” an awkward laugh escaped your lips, “it’s just you left it here yesterday and so i was bringing it to give back to you but it was colder outside than i thought it was and so i put it on on the way here without really thinking, i can give it back right now,” you barely stopped to take a breath, “or i can go wash it and then give it back if you’d prefer.” your train of thought was stopped by his hand on top of yours, your mind going from a million miles a minute to frozen solid in mere moments. 

“it’s okay y/n,” he chuckled at your flushed expression as he sat down next to you, “it looks cute on you anyways.” he said simply, moving his gaze to the textbooks in front of you as he flipped to the pages you were on the day before. 

this boy was going to be the death of you.

——

something in the air seemed to change after that day, and it wasn’t just the scent of the blooming cherry blossoms in the breeze. something had changed with you two, and perhaps that was how the two of you ended up in your dorm room rather than the library, and on a saturday of all days. 

“what homework have you got for me today teacher zhang hao?” you joked, leaning back on the arms as you sat on the end of your bed, looking at the boy who sat comfortably in your desk chair.

“aren’t i allowed to just hang out with my friend without talking about plate tectonics?” he said, a joking sarcasm lacing his tone. 

you only laughed in response as you tried to control your heart beating out of your chest at the simple, friendly, term. 

before you knew it, the day had faded into night in a blur of laughter and conversation; real conversation. it was a nice change of pace, and as much as you hated to admit it, the more you got to know him, the more your campus crush had changed into just a genuine crush. 

you tried to ignore it, but it was so hard to ignore the comfort you felt being around him, how easy it was to slip into conversations and how easy he made you laugh. how were you supposed to not think about that.

and much to the dismay of your heart, these weekend hangouts had become a sort of routine. on top of seeing him most weeknights at the library, your interactions had spilled into the weekends quite seamlessly. whether it was just having a movie night in your dorm room, wandering campus during sunset, or even just doing normal young adult things like going shopping. the two of you had even gotten into the habit of accompanying each other on errands just to keep the other company. 

it was nice, you couldn’t lie, but the domestic activities made it that much harder to separate your romantic and platonic feelings for the boy. 

and here you were, awaiting the arrival of the boy on a saturday night. every time your phone lit up you rushed to grab it, just in case it was from hao, the casual name becoming more natural over the weeks.

this time it actually was a message on your screen, you found yourself quickly unlocking your phone to see what it said. “i’m going to stop at the store on my way over,” the text read, “do you want anything?”

before the voice of reason in your head could object, you typed back a quick response, “you.” simple, straight forward, to the point. everything you weren’t. it was already too late to cover up your boldness as you watched the typing bubble appear, in sync with the wave of anxiety and near nausea that washed over you.

“you think you can afford me?” he joked back, rolling with the conversation more smoothly than you ever could have, evidently. you typed back a quick laugh, hoping he wouldn’t see the truth behind your original response, “probably not, maybe i’ll just take some gummy worms.” you replied before nearly throwing your phone across the cramped room. 

and to think, you were stuck with him all night.

——

you tried to focus on the movie, you really did, but the all too familiar feeling of wandering eyes and a racing heart took over your senses, and who could blame you? it wasn’t every day you found yourself sharing a blanket with the prettiest and kindest boy you’d ever known. you almost wondered if he could feel the heat radiating from you, or if he would just blame it on the fuzzy blanket covering your legs. you hoped it would be the latter.

soon enough the credits were rolling and you finally pulled yourself from the thoughts spinning around your mind, just in time for hao to turn to you with a smug smile. “you didn’t pay attention to any of that movie, did you?”  the question caught you so off guard you actually choked a little on the sharp intake of breath. was it that obvious? you wondered. you really had to work on your expressions it seems. 

“what’s on your mind y/n?” the smooth, almost teasing tone in his voice would’ve probably made your knees give out had you not already been sat down in your bed.

you managed to stutter out a response, rather reminiscent of the first real conversation you two had months prior. “oh it’s, uhm,” you quickly tried to come up with a believable excuse, settling on possibly the worst one, “it’s nothing.” the stiff laughter did nothing to help your case as he grinned at you knowingly, hopefully not too knowingly. 

“so i’m nothing now?” he feigned offense as his hand came up rather dramatically to his chest. “i thought i meant more to you than that, y/n.” he teased, obviously enjoying watching the gears turn in your brain as you attempted to process the conversation that was happening.

busted.

there was no coming back from it now and you knew it, and more importantly, he knew it. at some point he had picked up on your lingering gaze, your quick glances that you thought had gone unnoticed. all there was left for you to do was either admit your growing feelings, or play dumb about the whole thing. and somehow you decided the latter was the smartest option. 

“i, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about.” another forced laugh pushed past your lips, getting past your thumping heart on the way out. 

it seemed that your reaction filled zhang hao with a new sense of confidence, because he did the last thing you expected him to do; lean in. not close enough for your lips to graze each other, but close enough to feel his breath on you, to feel the heat radiating off of your faces. close enough to feel the thick tension in the air, but you were sure anyone could feel that if they were here, you could even cut it with a knife.

“i think you know exactly what i’m talking about,” he smiled, your eyes darting down to his lips that were only a couple inches from your own before looking back to his eyes; warm and inviting. 

you weren’t sure what to say anymore, and so you made the bold decision to close the gap; only briefly, but long enough to taste the cherry lip balm that coated his lips, to feel the way his lips fit against yours. like tectonic plates.

what started as one chaste kiss turned into 2, and then 3, and then a gentle kiss of yearning, of waiting, accompanied by his soft hands on your cheeks. you couldn’t help but lean into his touch, his soft hands feeling like silk against your burning skin. you could feel him smile into the kiss as your body eased, relaxing into a rhythm. time slowed and suddenly the two of you were the only people in the world, the boy in front of you filling all of your senses. zhang hao. zhang hao. zhang hao. your brain echoed as you pulled away, giddy smiles plastered across both of your faces.

“is that what you were on about?” you smiled, your voice barely above a whisper as your eyes flickered between his lips and his eyes once again.

he let out a small laugh, “what do you think?” he sat back against the wall once again, admiring the way the glow from the tv illuminated your skin, and the way you couldn’t wipe the grin off your face. “i thought you’d never do something about it.” he laughed again, this time grabbing your hand lazily.

“listen,” you started, “i didn’t think you noticed, and i was okay to keep it that way,” you looked down at your interlocked hands, your mind silently replaying the last 5 minutes on a loop, rendering yourself no better than a broken record. “you’re the zhang hao, everyone has at least a bit of a crush on you, so why would i assume i had any chance.”

he shook his head as a proud smile spread across his face, “everyone?” he asked, leaving you to lightly smack his arm, a small yelp coming from the boy. “okay okay, no need to smack me,” he laughed, “but really, you thought you didn’t have a chance? why would i have offered to tutor you if i didn’t have at least a bit of an interest in you?”

you let yourself ponder for a moment, looking back on the now distant memory. “i just thought you were being nice!” you stated matter-of-factly, earning another giggle from the boy, you could get used to that sound, or rather, being the reason behind it.

he merely smiled, pressing another kiss to your lips, “well i’m not nice like this to anyone else, if that helps make it more clear.”

“good,” you mirrored his smile, taking in the beauty that was the boy in front of you, the boy who seemed to fit with you like the tectonic plates.

“because i don’t think i could handle the idea of you spending your wednesday nights talking about rocks with anyone else.” 

#zerobaseone #zerobaseonefics #boys planet #boys planet fics #boys planet reactions #kpop #boys planet drabbles #zb1 #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zb1 drabbles #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone x reader #zerobaseone drabbles #zhang hao imagines #zhang hao x reader #zerobaselove

[yeosbbm]

dont go to bed angry….

Smut | MDNI

genre/tags: bestfriends to strangers (??) to lovers/college au

pairing: stem major! fem reader x dance major! woo

summary/plot: you and wooyoung have been bffs since you came to seoul for college. you two have been inseparable and are always there for each other. however, when you have a serious upcoming exam where you need woo the most he’s.. strangely been avoiding you ? after a heated argument with him on a flooded night he stays at your dorm till the storm passed over. he finally confesses the cause of his avoidance…in your bed .

warnings/prevs: not proofread semi toxic wooyoung, dirty talk, light choking, biting/marking, dry humping, spooning, fingering (fem received), oral (fem received), unprotected piv (wear condoms bro.), somnophilia, dubcon, possessive wording and actions

a/n: this is my first work ever PLEASEE SPARE ME OK. but yea enjoy ik it’s lengthy you can honestly skip through it if you’re only interested in the smut rather than the mini bit of plot 😭

“woo can you bring my textbooks over to my place I left them at yours 🫠”

Read. Every message for the past month and a half Woo either gave a delayed 1-2 word response or no response at all.

You sigh and sit your phone back down to continue studying and writing down your biochem notes. You have an exam worth 80% of your grade for the semester. Your professor is ruthless and has high expectations for your score. For the past month you’ve only had time to study, eat and shower meaning you’ve had to abandon all task and activities that don’t involve your biochem grade.

Typically when you were overwhelmed or had mountains of work to Wooyoung would be there for you. Since you started school abroad you and woo have been attached to the hip, sometimes getting called thing 1 and thing 2 by school admin and others on campus. Being a dance major he had so much more free time since he was already so talented and got the routines and choreographies down fast.

So whenever you had no time to take care of yourself, Woo was your right hand man to help you out. He’d bring you food, bring your favorite drink in, help with laundry, and remind you to eat and have free time whenever you got too caught up in work. Or he’d simply just be there for you, sitting by you writing or typing away keeping you company and making you laugh.

You reciprocated his kindness by coming to watch and support him during his rehearsals or whenever he presented his choreo to the dance teacher. You’d bring him his favorite treats from the student center and a hot towel or cold drink whenever he was exhausted from practice or rehearsing. Massaging his aching shoulders and calves in the dance room until he felt good as new. In all honestly you always had a crush on Woo I mean cmon ? He’s beautiful, but you’ve always pushed your feelings away to hold onto the friendship.

But lately Wooyoung has been so cold, never texting back and whenever you catch him on campus with San and Seonghwa he’d glance and walk faster. It’s beginning to hurt. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt but it just feels as thought he no longer wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even come over, you’ve spent the past month and a half by yourself cooped up in your room writing notes and sleeping alone.

While trying to open the next 76 slide PowerPoint your teacher assigned to you, a small epiphany that perhaps Woo is just as overwhelmed as you are and probably needs a boost comes into your mind. You were sure this was the best way to bring him back into your life. Finally getting up from your study desks you put on some quick slides and grab your tote bag so you can grab some treats for Wooyoung from the campus stores since you knew that around this time he’d be in the dance room.

After finally getting the treats you notice despite it being warm outside there was a light trickle of rain but you paid no mind to it, you walked into the dance room seeing Woo, Hwa and San sat stretching and talking. Wooyoung is relaxed slumped over stretching his legs, laughing and flashing his handsome grin to the others. However when Wooyoung sees you approaching he shoots right up and instead of being joyed to see you he looks irritated and dismissive.

“Hey Woo I got you these cookies and chips idk if-” You’re cut off by Woo’s cold stare. It’s as if you didn’t even know him, or moreso he didn’t know you.

“Not hungry give them to San, your textbooks are in my cubby. ” He says it so quick that it’s obvious he’s trying to shoo you away as soon as possible. You toss the chips to San and shove the rest of the treats back into your bag. You quickly get your textbooks out his cubby and toss them in your bag as well.

“Idk what I did to you Woo but lose my number and continue to leave me alone, I’m done being your friend.”

The sky is officially grey outside and your mood is ruined. You’re shuffling through campus square trying to make it to your dorm. While walking through you see all of your peers and other students with their ‘person’ or friend group. While the one person you turned to the most is giving you the cold shoulder. Tears welled up in your eyes and you take out your phone to see the time and whether only to see a notification. It’s a story post from Woo. You open it to see Woo posed with Hwa and some random girl in his class, the caption made your chest feel heavy.

“My favorite girl here”

That was the final straw. You blocked Wooyoung everywhere. You couldn’t even walk around anymore and sat at a bench to cry your feelings out while nobody was around. So many thoughts circled your mind, but you finally snap out of it once you feel the rain trickle harder and harder on you and the thunder begin to roll.

After running over to your dorm using your arms as a shield from the downpour you finally make your way into your single dorm. Instead of finding solace and peace once you open the door and step in..you find Wooyoung sitting on your couch, obviously waiting for you to come home since who knows when.

“Who let you in.” You sighed trying to hold composure, immediately heading to your kitchen to sit your bag down.

He gets up from the couch using his forearm to block you from walking any further to sternly say, “Why did you block me.”

“You know exactly what you did and that it would hurt my feelings.”

You stare into his eyes, gritting your teeth in frustration of the situation, you take a breath and look away from him to mutter a piece of your mind.

“Why do you even give a fuck about what I do. I’m nobody to you from what I remember.”

Wooyoung rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to give his rebuttal but you immediately cut him off. “No text no calls, I can’t even come see you without being pushed away. You don’t give a shit about me anymore admit it.”

“Look you’re overthinking, it’s been a while but you know that post wasn’t that deep.”

“Not that deep? Fuck you Wooyoung get out.”

You attempt to push him away but he grabs your forearms. You look up to see him with a clenched jaw. He notices the tension within the air and the discomfort in your face and softens his grip, he looks down at the ground as if he’s calculating his next response . He lets go, and rather than grabbing his things and walking out he brings you into a hug.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been distant yes. I know you’re mad but please understand it’s only because I ha-” His words come to a halt once a crash of thunder interrupts him and the flood warning amber alert rung excessively seconds afterwards.

You remove yourself from Woos hold and stare at your phone. After realizing what was happening you then walk over to a window to see the damage the storm had caused. The flood wasn’t complete danger since you’re on a higher floor of the dorms so it luckily won’t affect you as for tonight. But, Wooyoung has no way of getting home since the roads were swamped. There isn’t even a single bus attempting to go through these roads. You sigh and turn with your heel to bring your gaze back to Wooyoung.

“I’ll sleep on the couch it’s no worry..”

You look at him up and down, and it’s up until this moment you realize how much you’ve missed him just by seeing him sitting at your place again.

“We can share a bed. I’m mad but I’m not a monster, just be out by the morning or whenever the flood clears.”

Woo mutters a thank you and you walk into your bathroom to be left alone and wash off the tension from the stand-off you a Woo had.

You showered and changed into some cute pajama shorts and a pullover sweater with your college’s logo on the front. You’re beginning to drift off but hear Woo finally come out the bathroom. His hair was damp from the quick shower he took after yours and he sported a white tee and some grey sweatpants he left here the last time he was over for a movie night. You continue to lie on the bed and pretend to not acknowledge Woo as your best attempt to give him the cold shoulder. After some minutes, your eyes almost rip open when you feel a dip in the mattress due to Woo finally resting on it. He gets on simply resting on his side but slowly makes his way towards you and begins to big spoon you and hold you as close as possible.

You want to kick him from behind and tell him to scoot over, but you haven’t felt this much comfort from Wooyoung in so long. Plus considering you want him gone by maybe tomorrow, you’ll take every bit of affection you can get. After some time and a million raindrops later you drift off to sleep.

You wake up still being somewhat caught in your sleep only able to hear a slight shifting accompanied with the dense rain hitting your rooms window and thunder rolling within the sky. But, once you become more aware of your surroundings, you feel Wooyoung shifting around and rolling his hips into yours from behind.

That’s when you begin to hear the low groans and sighs. It started with him slowly humping into you faintly not making too much contact but now he’s switched into grinding his hips in a more methodical bold fashion. You laid there feeling the print of his cock collide with your now wet cunt. Then he stops.

The sudden stop in movement caught you off guard and brought you back to reality. Did that really happen ? It couldn’t have . He was just moving around to get more cover…or maybe to get more space right ? But you know for a fact you felt his bare hard cock underneath his sweats, pressing into you from behind. And you know for a fact your pussy was clenching and dripping while he was doing so .

You convince yourself you just need more sleep, he was just shifting to get comfortable, or maybe he’s just a boy having a wet dream. You close your eyes, following the pattern of the rain to hum you asleep.

Moments have passed and you wake up again but to an even more obvious disturbance. Wooyoungs head in between your thighs taking careful bites out of them. You had no words and can only gaze at the taboo display.

He kisses and licks the marks he was leaving but once he realizes your breathing changed he looks up and finally makes eye contact with you. However, instead of uttering a humiliated apologizing or explanation he uses his teeth to bring your pj shorts and panties down. When they’re finally low enough for him, he parts your legs as if this interaction was normal and while making dead eye contact with you licks a stripe up your cunt and ends the line with his lips around your clit.

Your mouth goes agape and you let out a shocked but pleasured moan only able to watch.

“I’ve loved you for so long y/n you don’t understand. I can’t lie about my feelings any longer. I just want fill you with my cock, just ruin your pretty pussy” He puts two fingers into your cunt and gets back to working on your clit, making sure to make as much of a mess as possible with his saliva.

He brings his face off, your arousal and his saliva glistening on his pretty lips and chin. He licks the mess off his bottom lip so he can say more.

“I want you y/n. For me alone. I haven’t texted you or called because I couldn’t contain how I felt. I was scared you’d be uncomfortable or brush me off because of your studies.” He takes out his fingers and brings his mouth back on your cunt. Sloppily making out with it and bringing his tongue in and out of your hole. Sometimes bringing his face back up just so he can spit on it and make an even bigger mess.

You didn’t know what to say, consumed by both pleasure and confusion. Pleasure from him finger fucking you with precision and purpose constantly prodding that one spot in your cunt that makes your back arch. The confusion with how he can casually explain himself with his fingers so deep inside you. All you could manage was to moan his name and spread your legs even wider.

At this point, your pajama shorts and panties are gone..probably dangling off the corner edge of your bed or discarded on the floor, only woo knows where he tossed your bra off to while the college sweater you went to sleep with is now rolled up, exposing your breast and torso. Wooyoung finally brings his face away after you cum all over it. As you moaned and whined in ecstasy, he kisses you making you taste yourself on his lips.

He puts himself back into the big spoon position he was in when you both first fell asleep. He kisses and marks you up a bit more in the crook of your neck while lightly toying and mounding your breast in his comforting hands.

He brings his face back up to your ear and carefully whispers..

“Inside…please can I put it inside..let me fuck and cum in you” He rolls his hips lightly into yours for emphases. “I’ll never avoid you again, I’m yours I won’t leave your side again” His hand drops to your clit slowly adding pressure and applying deep circles.

You moan and turn your head away from him, the closeness and intimacy is overwhelming and you’re now caught in a whirlwind of heat filled pleasure . You know you want this bad, but your mind is filled to capacity with so many thoughts. Will this ruin the friendship ? Will things be the same ? How will everyone view you two after this ?

Woo notices your overthinking and brings his free hand higher and begins to softly wrap it around your neck only lightly squeezing forcing you to make eye contact with him.

“ I don’t want you to leave my side either I want you to walk around with a piece of me with you at all times” He plays with your clit faster making you take quicker breaths. “Don’t you want that..always having a piece of me inside you ? Right y/n?” You nod and mindlessly mewl due to being so fucked out from his hands and prior his mouth alone.

“Oh baby I knoww” While cooing to you he plunges his fingers back in as he did in the beginning. A pornographic moan falls from your lips as he deeply fucks and curls his fingers into you.

“Your cock please put it in I can’t take it Woo please !!” You call out with the small bit of voice you had left in you.

Woo lifts your leg up and brings his cock into you. It easily slips in from how worked open you were and you feel him stretch your soft wet walls and his tip kiss your cervix. He starts with hesitant experimental thrust, but as soon as he realizes you’re comfortable and want more he begins pounding.

You can’t help yourself and can only moan and babble . As he bullies his thick cock into you the only thing that falls from your lips is fucked out nonsense and pleas for him to not stop.

He momentarily slows down now and brings his face down so he can bite down on your neck. Once again rolling his hips so sensually, the contrast of the knot slowly building up inside you from his slow yet heavy thrust and the pain and harshness of his bite makes you go dumb.

“You take me so well, look at you..so pretty. Fuuuck I’ve only imagined this with my cock in my hand.”

He lifts your leg higher up. Something about this spooning position makes Wooyoung reach the absolute depth of your throbbing cunt. He roughly rocks his hip into yours, you can hear the wet obscene sound of him driving his cock in and out coinciding with the heavy ran outside.

“I’m about to cum so deep in you..y/n I love you so much , stay with me, I don’t care just stay by me” A choked I love you too was all you could say as you came all over his cock, his release and orgasm following suit. You felt his warm seed paint your insides, it’s complete luck that you’re on the pill. Wooyoung drags his cock out and puts you into an embrace.

He peppers and ghosts kisses over your face while you lay limp in his hands, the rain has finally stopped and filling the room is you and Woos soft breathe. You both drift off all over again.

#ateez #ateez hard thoughts #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #ateezhard #ateez hard hours #ateez headcanons #ateez fic #ateez smut #ateez wooyoung #wooyoung smut #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung x y/n #wooyoung #idol smau #idol smut #kpop smut #kpop smau #college au #friends to lovers #enemies to lovers #friends to strangers #ateez mingi #ateez san #ateez hongjoong #mingi smut #wooyoung scenarios #forced proximity #hongjoong

[sxcret-garden]

3rd Desire ღ A Little Jealousy [M]

ღ Aspects of Desire series ღ Ateez Jongho x fem!reader ღ feat.: Yeosang & Wooyoung ღ words: ~4.8k ღ genre: established relationship, college AU, fluff, some humor, slice of life, smut (dom!Jongho, sub!reader, clothed sex, teasing, tiny bit of finger sucking (idol receiving), oral (idol receiving), he’s a lil mean again, hair pulling, biting, dacryphilia, bit of brat-taming, reader goes into subspace, sir kink, fingering (reader receiving), unprotected sex) ღ warnings: heavy dom-sub dynamic, (he runs his hand through reader’s hair and picks her up)

Desc.: When you’re meeting up with your classmate and friend Yeosang in order to finally finish that dreaded uni project that’s been keeping you on edge for the past weeks, you don’t expect him to bring along his flirtatious friend Wooyoung. What you also don’t expect is said friend knowingly attempting to flirt with you in front of your boyfriend, who just can’t help but let the hint of jealousy it makes him feel influence his actions once you’re in the comfort of your own home.

Author's note: This is actually one of my fav chapters so far, and 80% of the reason is because the first scene was so much fun to write kasjdfkljsöldka

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Arriving at the café a few minutes early, you find Yeosang already waiting for you. You came here from your university dorms, about 20 minutes by bus, so you didn’t expect to be late, but you tend to always leave a little earlier than you have to anyway, just to be sure.

Your meet-up place is a cute little café that turns out to be a lot more spacious than one would assume looking at it from the outside, and it serves all the classics, as well as a couple of drinks that are especially popular these days.

“Did everybody send you their parts?” you ask, starting up your laptop, while Wooyoung watches the alarm that’s supposed to tell you when your drinks are ready.

“I thought they were supposed to send them to you…?” Yeosang replies, eyes widened because he doesn’t want this meeting to already turn into a catastrophe. The frustration that your teammates have continuously nurtured with their incompetence over the past two weeks bubbles up deep inside you again, until you check your emails and you find that they did indeed send their parts to you.

“Sorry, my bad,” you sigh deeply.

“It can happen,” Yeosang assures you, while the alarm goes off, shaking the whole table as it vibrates, and Wooyoung immediately grabs it and gets up. You’re glad he’s at least being useful in that regard - otherwise you’re not sure why Yeosang brought his friend from an entirely different major along to your café date of hell.

“He insisted,” your teammate tells you upon posing your question. “Actually I don’t know why I brought him either.”

“Excuse me?!” Wooyoung exclaims in offense as he returns with your order, having heard his friend’s reply. But Yeosang is quick to wave it off.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” To your surprise his loud friend merely sits down while eyeing him with a doubtful expression, but he doesn’t say anything more to that. Finding yourself more fascinated than anything else by their dynamic, you shake your head eventually and redirect your attention to the screen in front of you. 

“I’ll send you the parts so we can go over them together,” you announce as you’re already dropping the files into your kakao chat with Yeosang, the familiar tone coming from the speakers of his laptop signaling an incoming message that tells you he received them quickly. Wooyoung leans in, nosily looking at the files his friend is opening.

“Looks good… if you ignore the formatting,” Yeosang shades, making you chuckle, and Wooyoung lets you hear a loud “Hey!”

“You didn’t do yours any better!” he teases Yeosang, attempting to pinch his side but his friend evades the attack. 

“Personal space,” he just remarks, pushing Wooyoung away with his flat palm against his cheek. Once again you find yourself fascinated by their cartoonish behaviour most of all, but you don’t comment on what just unfolded in front of your eyes. “And also, mine doesn’t look very interesting, but at least it has the correct formatting.”

“Yeah, this professor doesn’t really have an eye for aesthetics,” you add, grinning yet unhappy about the way the paper you were supposed to put together looks overly sterile. “But I guess that’s what science wants.”

“Well, the contents are what matters,” Yeosang adds, this time not defending himself when Wooyoung throws an arm around his shoulders, but you can tell he’s not happy about the pda. With curious eyes he leans in, skimming through the text on Yeosang’s screen, and you give him an annoyed sigh. You really just want to finish this damn project already, before it consumes any more of your nerves. 

“Oh. Sorry,” Wooyoung grins as he notices your distress, moving away from the computer as he straightens his back, and you’re not sure what to make of his reaction. Telling yourself to focus on the problem at hand instead of him, you begin pasting the text into one collective document, while Yeosang starts reading through everything in search of any possible errors.

“Looks good,” he eventually announces, and you agree, having joined him in proofreading everything. 

“You two sure are fast,” Wooyoung comments, and he shoots you a gaze filled with mischief.

“This is the tenth time we read through these, so…” you explain.

“I see… Yeosang here told me about how horrible the others were to work with,” the guy sitting next to your classmate continues.

“You’re also horrible to work with, and you’re not even a part of this,” Yeosang mutters under his breath, causing you to chuckle, and Wooyoung immediately complains.

“That hurt! I know when to be serious, in contrast to some people.” He says it so ominously that you think at least Yeosang must know who he’s talking about, but he too shoots him a questioning look. “Whatever,” Wooyoung brushes it off with a hand gesture. “You’re done now, aren’t you? So we can finally get to know each other,” he adds, directed at you. “This guy told me a lot about you, so I’ve been dying to meet you.” He points at Yeosang, whose ears grow bright red and he waves his hands in front of his face.

“It’s not what it sounds like. I don’t talk about you all the time, this guy here just likes to blow things way out of proportion,” he explains, and with the way Wooyoung is grinning from ear to ear now, all you’re left with is to believe Yeosang’s words.

“Figured,” you say. “So? What did he tell you about me that made you so interested?” You give Wooyoung a challenging smile, and the guy is eating up your attention as he watches you with a spark in his eyes.

“How you took the lead in your project after everyone else did nothing, for example,” Wooyoung replies. “I respect people like that! You know, people who get things done.” You chuckle at his enthusiasm.

“Don’t be mistaken, I’m not usually the leader type. Just… when I need to be… for the sake of my own sanity.”

“I see,” Wooyoung says, leaning back in his chair now, taking on a comfortable stance.

“I’m sorry about him, I shouldn’t have brought him along,” Yeosang says, once again. “He flirts with everything that breathes in his direction, it means nothing. He’s just doing this for his own entertainment, but I can punch him for you if you want?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” you say. “It’s fun to do this every once in a while.”

“Oh? What do you mean - every once in a while?” Wooyoung pries, a broad grin now playing his lips as he leans back in his chair. “You’re not the type to go out and meet people like this?”

“Not to flirt with them,” you laugh, directing your gaze towards the entrance of the café, where the image of Jongho walking inside has caught your eye. You decided to have him pick you up after your meeting with Yeosang, so that you could grab dinner together. You didn’t expect him to be here this early, though. “I’m not sure if my boyfriend would like that,” you add, looking back at Wooyoung, whose mouth forms the shape of an o, before he once again merely grins at you.

“I see, I see… but the fact that you flirted back at me tells me you like to live dangerously,” he remarks, before letting out a giggle that seems both very sudden, yet not out of character at all. Yeosang can only sigh beside him. He looks like he wants to snark at his friend for that, but he bites back the words, as your attention is visibly drawn elsewhere and you scoot over on the bench to make space for your boyfriend.

“Hello,” he greets the other two, politely bowing his head in front of them, before he sits beside you. And now you’re the one grinning to yourself, seeing his shyness that seems even weirder now, that you’re getting to know more and more very different sides to him.

“Wait… is that the boyfriend?” Wooyoung points his finger at the guy next to you, eyes raised in surprise.

“Yeah,” you answer.

“You’ve been talking about me?” Jongho asks, raising his eyebrows as well. There’s a hint of disbelief in his voice, and for a second you wonder if you should use this opportunity to tease him a bit. But of course Wooyoung, the loud one, is faster.

“She’s been talking about you.”

“Don’t believe a word he says,” Yeosang utters, before you can defend yourself. “He just says whatever.” Another highly offended Wooyoung-noise is what follows, while you feel Jongho tapping your arm lightly, and when you glance over to him you can see him quietly laughing. Apparently he finds their dynamic just as amusing as you do. 

“Yeah, so… that’s Yeosang, who I’ve been working on the project with. And that’s his friend Wooyoung, who has nothing to do with the project but came along anyway to be a distraction,” you introduce the two guys, then you point at your partner. “That’s my boyfriend Jongho.”

“You think I’m distracting?” Wooyoung retorts, because that appears to be all he heard, and he says it proudly and with this shit-eating grin on his face as he puts his elbow on the table, supporting his head with his chin in his palm. You can’t lie, his bold attempt to continue flirting with you in front of your boyfriend both makes you think he must be incredibly stupid, and somehow also makes you admire his courage.

“Not in the way you think,” you answer calmly, trying to sound almost cold. Next to Wooyoung, Yeosang is muttering an “oh my god”, but most importantly your boyfriend doesn’t react to it. Instead he diverts the conversation into a different direction, and in your head you thank him for it.

“So… were you able to finish everything?” he asks, and you nod.

“Almost,” you say. “The formatting needs to be checked again, but that’s Yeosang’s job. So… if you want to go get dinner now, we can!”

“Ah, no, I wasn’t trying to rush you,” he assures as he balances somewhere between seeming friendly and polite. 

You end up leaving pretty soon anyway. Yeosang informed you that he still had things to do (you assume he just wanted an excuse to get rid of Wooyoung) and so you packed your things and split up into pairs in front of the café, with your friend and his friend taking the route to the bus stop across the street, and you and Jongho walking a couple of blocks to get to a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. It’s serving stew as its speciality, just right for a chilly evening like today.

A groan of satisfaction escapes you as you link your hands above your head and stretch your arms and back after entering the apartment. Your boyfriend smiles at the sight in front of him as he puts his jacket on a hanger and then he follows you into the living room.

“Getting dinner there was a really good idea,” you remark as Jongho comes up to you from behind, placing his hands onto your hips and leaning in.

“Right? You should let me pick restaurants more often,” he mutters right beside your ear, and when you whirl around to get a proper look at his face, he laughs softly.

“I think it was my idea to go there?” you retort, taking offense in him attempting to take all the credit, but he’s quick to appease you.

“I know, I know, just joking.” You huff at his attitude with a smile, before he adds, “I thought you liked mischievous guys.” He walks away and towards the kitchen as you’re still confused about his words, but when you begin to have a hunch about what made him say this, he’s already out of sight. You follow him, finding him pouring himself a glass of water, and without a change in expression he takes a few sips. You can only stare at him, hoping for him to say anything to help you figure out whether that hunch is right or wrong, but he doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry. Setting down the glass, he seems to be thinking about something as he’s supporting his weight with his hands on top of the kitchen counter, and then, when he finally shoots you a glance, the expression on his face has changed.

“You liked that, didn’t you?”

“Liked what…?” Jongho pushes himself off the counter in front of him, taking a few steps towards you instead. He comes to a halt when you’re merely a few inches apart, his head tilted to the side ever so slightly, and his hand finds your face.

“That guy flirting with you,” he says, his voice dangerously low, and he lets his thumb trace the outline of your bottom lip. “You liked that.”

“I…” You gulp as you look up at him. So he did realize it. You should’ve known better than to assume you could hope he wouldn’t be able to read you that well. But you were mistaken. It seems he already learned to notice and correctly analyze even the smallest of signs, and you guess in some way that’s a good thing, you’re just not sure what this means in a situation like this.

“It’s fine, dear,” he speaks, his voice merely a whisper now, and he leans in to press one feathery light kiss onto your lips. “You can admit it.” Again, you find yourself gulping. But the sweetness of his kiss mixing in with the soothing effect his words have on you leave you unable to ponder on this for longer. And so you simply say it, without thinking about the consequences.

“I liked it.”

It was only yesterday that you had another conversation, figuring you should talk more in depth about your wants and what you don’t want, after he almost crossed a line last time. You talked about your relationship, your sexual relationship mostly, the kind of dynamic that’s slowly growing between the two of you, and the kind of dynamic you two wish for. Surprisingly, from what you’ve discussed at least, your wishes align mostly.

You both agreed you want more. More than a kink or two incorporated into your sex life. More than a barely noticeable difference in power. He made it clear he’s willing to go into this with you, take you by the hand, and that he’d make sure to satisfy you.

But you know he also wants to be satisfied himself. And it’s exciting you, thinking about it then, and thinking about it now, as he’s steering you towards the nearest wall, until your back gently comes in contact with it. It’s not much, no grand gesture, and yet you can already feel the flames of desire burning up in your stomach.

“I see.” He speaks slowly now, the tone in his voice sending a shiver down your spine and you know he can see you tremble. From excitement for what’s to come, and curiousity about what he plans to do with you now. “What?” He raises an eyebrow, one hand resting against the wall right next to your head, the other reaching out until his fingertips come in contact with your stomach, and he lets them dance up until he’s almost reached your throat. When he sees you gulp at his action, he huffs, as if laughing at you. “You think I’ll give you what you want that easily?” Jongho asks, pulling his hand away and you inevitably frown at him for it. “After flirting with another guy? After you tell me you liked it? I don’t think so.” He takes a few steps away. There’s a calm expression on his face, his look feels almost icy as he lets his gaze wander from your head down your body. “You should know who can please you best,” he warns. “Or, don’t tell me you think that cheeky guy could make you feel better than me?”

“No!” you respond immediately and without having to think about it.

“But you still liked the attention,” your boyfriend states, matter-of-factly. 

“Y-yeah…” you admit, making yourself smaller instinctively.

“Cute,” he huffs at your apologetic gesture, and there’s a hint of a smirk sitting on his face. You weren’t 100% sure about it before, whether he really is jealous or if he’s doing this for fun, but now you can clearly tell - he’s enjoying this. And that’s fine, because you talked about this too - what you’re about to get yourself into, and how far you’re both willing to go in the process.

“Come here,” Jongho orders along with a gesture of his hand and you oblige. You step closer, let him put his arms around you, and the kiss he presses onto your lips is surprisingly soft. Slowly, he moves his lips against yours, tilting his head so he could deepen the kiss eventually, taking his time as he runs the tip of his tongue along the front row of your teeth, and just when you begin to want him to kiss you more passionately, he parts from you. One look at your face, his darkened eyes making you shiver in his hold, then he brushes his lips against the corner of your mouth. Trailing kisses across your cheek and eventually halting beside your ear as he cups your face with both hands now.

“Get on your knees, beautiful.” You don’t hesitate, and you don’t protest. It’s like his words put you in a trance, making sure you wouldn’t even think of disobeying him. And so you do, you drop down to the floor in front of him, hands immediately fumbling with the button on his pants, because you know what he wants. There’s only one thing a guy could want when he tells you to get on your knees for him, and you’re set on giving him that. But your eagerness doesn’t go uncommented. “So greedy,” he mutters, as he calmly watches you pull down his pants and underwear, exposing his half hardened length. His hand finds its way into your hair, fingertips massaging your scalp and for a second as you glance up at him you think you can see his features soften. “You already know what to do, hm?” your boyfriend continues, yet you wait for the okay to touch him.

“Can I…?” you ask, making him let out a short laugh. And there it is again, that grin that would tell anyone that he knows he’s in control, and he’s enjoying it. 

“Are you gonna make me wait?” he poses a question in return, and in that same breath phrasing the answer himself. “I don’t think so.” 

You keep one hand resting on his thigh, while you wrap the other around his cock. Peering up at him to watch him as he watches you, you start moving your hand slowly, and the second your palm brushes against his head, you can see the way his lips part to make way for a quiet sigh. You bring your fist all the way back down his shaft, repeating the motion a few times, until you find a hint of impatience on his features.

“Dear…” he mutters, untangling his fingers from your hair to cup your chin instead. As he lifts it up, his thumb presses against your lips, and when you open your mouth to let out a shaky breath, he pushes the finger inside. Your eyelids fluttering shut, you meet him with the tip of your tongue, instinctually swirling it around his finger once, before you close your mouth around it and suck on it. “Like that…” Jongho breathes a praise in your direction, before pulling his thumb out of your mouth and putting his hand back on top of your head to steer your field of vision back towards his core. He stays quiet, but he wouldn’t have needed to say anything more anyway to get you to finally do what he wants you to. You move closer, extending your tongue for mere kitten licks, quick strokes that wouldn’t possibly be near satisfactory against the tip of his cock. You glance up at him again, seeing the impatience building up behind his gaze that won’t leave you, and for a moment you wonder whether you should try and see what happens if you push him a bit more. 

But your own hunger wins over that desire. He was probably right, you really are greedy today, because the second you wrap your lips around him, you find yourself moaning at the feeling of having him in your mouth. The hiss of pleasure he lets out forces you to suppress a grin. Instead, you take him in further, hollowing your cheeks as you let him fill you up with his size. 

His hips stay still. You wonder whether it would stay like this, whether he would make you do all the work and merely guide you into the pace he wants, as he is doing currently, with his fingers grasping onto strands of your hair, or if he would eventually lose patience and start fucking into your mouth. All you know is you’re fine with either, and yes, you’re eager to please him, eager to get him off. 

Your hand still wrapped around him moves along with your head for additional friction, and you keep peering up at his eyes, wanting to see the moment he breaks apart, and all the expressions leading up to it. And yet he stays in control, disappointingly much, so you take him in even further as you sink back down on him, until his tip hits the back of your throat, making you gag in response. You furrow your brows at the uncomfortable sensation, and yet you do it again with your next repetition of the movement. So long, until tears are starting to well up in your eyes, and that’s when he takes his hand away from your hair and cups your face instead, cursing at how good you’re being for him.

“Fuck, Y/N…” he groans, and now you can see the pleasure distorting his face - it’s not much, but it serves as a motivation to work even harder for him. The sound he lets out as you swallow around him makes you moan as well, until you move your head and your hand faster, and the lewd sounds of you sucking him off, as well as your boyfriend’s heavy breaths fill the room. “Y/N, stop,” he mutters, and you don’t, because you want to push him over the edge so desperately. Instead you mewl at the taste of his precum leaking onto your tongue, and you close your eyes, preparing yourself to take his load.

What you don’t prepare yourself for is him yanking your head away by your hair, the shock from the sudden action and the immediate wave of pleasure that follows as he growls,

“I said stop.”

“Yes, sir.”

A sudden weakness washes over you, and the only thing you can do is move your head up just a little bit, leaning into the touch of his hand on top of it. And you don’t miss the way the words affected him. After he had suggested you calling him that and you had refused, saying you found the thought of calling your boyfriend sir a bit weird, you know he didn’t expect you to say it after all. But you did. And now there’s an entirely new expression on his face, an entirely new burning passion reflecting in his eyes, and you know it’s only a matter of time until it burns you too.

“Get up,” he says eventually, and you do as told, finding yourself held up safely with his hands resting on your sides as soon as you stand. Your body feels light, almost like he’s taken control of your will, when he steers you back a few steps, into your original position against the wall. Without hesitation, he kisses you, teeth clashing together as he tears at your clothes, and he only parts from you to pull them off, piece by piece, one after the other, and when he has gathered half of them on a pile somewhere on the floor, he decides that should be enough. Your pants gone should do, and when his lips smash onto yours again, you feel his hand between your thighs, fingers prodding at your folds.

“Shit,” he hisses against your lips. “You’re fucking soaked… can’t wait to fuck you…” His words make your head spin, and the way his fingers slip inside you effortlessly only adds to your lightheadedness. You throw your arms around his frame, fingernails digging into the fabric of his shirt covering his back, and you buck your hips into his palm as he starts curling his fingers inside you. You can only mewl at the pleasure, sentences are too hard to form right now, maybe if you tried you could get out a few words with no correlation between them. 

“...p-please…” you slur, “...f-fuckme…” 

“Who do you belong to?” Jongho asks, his fingers working you at a speed that should give you time to answer, but that won’t keep you sane for long. And yet you can’t say anything, only pathetic whimpers come out when you open your mouth. “Who?” he repeats. “Is it me? Do you belong to me?”

“Y-yessir…” you manage to say, and he bites his bottom lip hard.

“That’s right.” You can hear his voice trembling as he speaks, and you let out another sorry excuse of a moan as he presses his thumb against your clit. “Gonna make you cum so good, pretty girl… just wait…” All you can do at this point is cling to him for dear life, incoherent whines and whimpers falling from your lips, in between words that are supposed to tell him you want to cum on his cock, but you’re not sure how much of that actually gets through to him. And still, when your walls are starting to clench around him and your whole body tenses up, he finally pulls out of you. With his hand soaked in your juices he gives himself another few strokes, before telling you to hold on tight and lifting you up with his hands placed on the underside of your thighs. You cry out as he pushes into you, tears welling up in your eyes again, and this time they fall. Rolling down your cheeks as the pleasure overwhelms you, arms wrapped around him so tightly that you’re not sure if maybe you are squeezing a bit too tightly after all. But it doesn’t matter. All that matters in this moment is the chase for your high, and it ends with merely a few of his thrusts. Your body shakes violently as your orgasm hits you, you bite his shoulder and yet the moans won’t stop escaping you, and as you do, he too comes undone. You keep clenching around him as you feel him spilling inside you with a groan, and even as you start coming down from your high, your body won’t stop trembling. 

He tries to help you stand, but realizes quickly that all attempts are futile. So he carefully lets you sink down onto the ground, staying close to you in order to keep holding onto you. 

“How was that?”

“Good…” you manage to whisper an answer, not having the energy for a more elaborate one, but your boyfriend understands.

“I’m glad.” Jongho collapses with his back against the wall next to you, letting you rest your head on top of his shoulder and him leaning his head against yours. His hand finds yours naturally, fingers intertwining, as your mind is still drowned in bliss from the afterglow of your orgasm.

“It was perfect, actually,” you say, correcting yourself. “You were perfect.” You lift your other hand up to comb your fingers through his short hair, eventually letting it rest against his cheek and bringing him in for a short but sweet kiss. And then there it is again, that soft smile appearing on his lips, and when you lift your head he buries his face in the crook of your neck - to hide that expression from you, as you assume. 

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually call me that, after saying you didn’t want to at first,” he says, and you retort, questioningly,

“Sir?”

“Yeah…” Jongho looks away, still visibly affected by it, and you shoot him a mischievous glance.

“I’m… really enjoying this though. And I’d like to keep… trying new stuff too…” you speak, and your boyfriend gives you a smile.

“We just tried a lot of new stuff, and you already want more?” He gets up, walking over to one of the cupboards and getting you a glass of water. “Drink this, first of all,” he says as he hands it to you. “And tomorrow we can sit down and talk again.”

#ateez smut #jongho smut #ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez drabbles #ateez series #ateez x fem reader #ateez x you #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #jongho imagines #jongho x reader #smut

[wooahaes]

feel me

pairing: non-idol!han x gn!reader, some non-idol!felix x gn!reader

genre: angst with a happy ending. slight fluff.

word count: ~21k

warnings: angst with a happy ending. mutual pining that’s fully believed to only be one-sided by both parties. temporary relationship with felix. heartbreak. no communication at one part after jisung ghosts reader for almost three weeks. big brother-figure chris having serious talks with reader. fluff in certain parts, though. food mentions. hyunjin is kinda ready to throw down at one point tbh.

daisy’s notes: title origin from the golden child song bc the lyrics kinda fit haha <3 anyway rewrite of this old thing!! also sorry felix but if u get the sequel fic i'm thinkin of... u will be happy <3

Most people looked at the friendship you had with Chris and assumed that he was your best friend. The two of you had grown up down the road from one another, after all, and that had been why you ended up befriending one another. His family all knew you by name and knew all of your favorites (because Chris had learned them first and made sure everyone knew them), and they all watched you follow Chris around like a duckling when you were small. Pictures of the two of you littered the walls of both your childhood home and his, all from vacations your families had taken together. Plus your parents always made enough food for Chris on any given day, since he always found his way over for dinner at the most random times. If anything, Chris was family to you now, the big brother you never had (and, occasionally when he was being a little overly affectionate, he was your big bother). Before college, Chris Bang was one-hundred-percent your best friend…

Until you met Han Jisung on the first day of freshman orientation.

Sure, the reason you came to this school was partially because you knew you’d have a friend in the area (you liked the literature program a lot more), but things changed the day you met Jisung. The two of you had been a little wary of the other people in your group, all bragging about how they wouldn’t let anyone stop them from the party life they were craving. On one hand, you kind of admired the tenacity that took… but on the other, they were the rowdy bunch out of all the groups that were around. Even though you weren’t much of a party person, your annoyance at the time firmly came from the fact you were sinking so much money into this school—even without the financial aid and scholarships you’d managed to get. Partying was fun, but denying everything in favor of it? You couldn’t wrap your head around it.

And, apparently, neither could Jisung. He’d been separated from his friends, all in the same orientation group without him, and looked a little lost. You quietly moved your chair over to him after you grew annoyed with two people hardcore flirting with one another and ignoring the poor orientation leader who was just trying to tell you all about the general education program. He’d looked up at you, and you introduced yourself to him quietly—trying not to catch the attention of your orientation leader. She was too busy waiting for the novelty of it all to die down for a minute so she could do her job, so… Why not take the chance to introduce yourself to him?

He’d gazed at you for a moment behind his glasses, pushing them up the bridge of his nose a moment later. “Han,” he’d said in a quiet voice. Then he cleared his throat, speaking a little louder, “I’m Han Jisung. Music management and music composition major.”

Already, you were impressed by him. Chris was in the music program himself, and you’d heard about how rigorous it could be at times—especially with the heavy course load that came from both programs. Chris had gone into it because he was… Well, he was Chris. Chris who was on the swim team and in the theater and the band and somehow found time to do community service, too. Jisung was a stranger to you in all the best ways, someone who already intrigued you. When you told him your own major, he had nodded along, no push to question your future career.

“Is that what you like?” He’d asked instead. “Books?”

It was one part of what you liked, at least. You nodded. “Do you love music?”

He’d smiled at you, and it was as if he’d become a different person for a moment. “It’s my passion,” he’d said, voice clear and bolder than before.

That had been what the two of you ended up talking about until your orientation leader managed to get control of the group again. She’d finally been given the go-ahead to give you a tour of campus, and you noticed that Jisung had decided to stick with you near the back of the group. He never said anything then, the two of you opting to listen to your leader instead, but you saw the tiny smile on his face when you were walking through the music floor of the arts building. Once you were released from your schedule for the day, he’d kept glancing at you, as if unsure of what he was about to do. Then he finally stepped up, holding up his phone.

“My friends and I are getting coffee off campus,” he said. “Do you want to come?”

That had been the moment that solidified the two of you as friends. You had happily agreed, exchanging numbers on the way as he told you about his friends. There was Felix, who he said was a sweetheart. Everyone loved Felix, and you’d eventually realize in time just how true that was. Hyunjin could be charismatic, although sometimes he could be a little sharp-tongued with people. Apparently, he and Jisung once hated each other before getting over their school rivalry—you’d never understand it, but everyone swore by it. And then there was Seungmin, who was witty and funny in all the best ways. The group seemed to accept you into their circle pretty quickly, and you honestly contributed that to Jisung…

Who you very quickly learned was incredibly funny in his own right. With the orientation group and with you alone, he’d been quieter. Polite and sweet as he could be. Yet you saw the way he loosened up over time when with his friends, genuinely funny and a bit louder with them. Maybe that was why you would end up clicking with him so well: he was versatile, conscious of the mood and finding a way to fit it well. You saw the way he seemed to naturally return to a quieter state when on his own, and you were happy to match that energy any day. 

When you returned to your dorm that day, Chris had been waiting for you. He’d watched you part ways with your new friends and decided to celebrate by squeezing the life out of you.

“You’re making friends!” He giggled, and it suddenly reminded you of the loving way your step-mom always treated you. He swayed with you, never letting you go. “You’re growing up!” 

This was definitely something he was reporting to your parents. Not that you cared: his family asked for you to look out for him, too, and you fully intended to follow through on the request. He’d already been giddy when you showed him your acceptance letter and announced you’d picked the school (he’d nearly squeezed the life out of you that day, too), gushing about how he’d have to introduce you to Minho and Changbin. That was why he’d been waiting for you that day, actually: the four of you were getting dinner together, Chris’s treat. The two of you had decided to call off any embarrassing stories (both of you had plenty of ammunition, the same way that both of his siblings had even more on you both), and you’d spent that dinner realizing just how much love you had for Chris.

That was why you had agreed to live with him come sophomore year. Regardless of whether he was being a brother figure or a bother figure, you’d agreed quickly when he gave you his clearly premeditated offer of taking the open room in his apartment. His old roommate had just moved out, and Chris apparently told him he “already had someone interested” when he brought the topic up to begin with. So he helped you carry your boxes into the apartment and the two of you enjoyed your takeout that night, giddy to be close once again. He’d invited Minho and Changbin over that night, too, to toast to your first day of living with Chris. It was at that point that you decided to introduce Jisung to them, inviting him over, too. 

Things came together from there. Minho recognized Jisung from a photo that Felix had shown him while he (and Hyunjin) were sitting around before dance practice started. Seungmin ended up getting pulled into the group through association with the rest of you, and it was you and Seungmin who pulled Jeongin into this circle. He’d been in your general education classes, and he seemed to get along pretty well with Seungmin. Seungmin introduced you to Jeongin, and you introduced Jeongin to the group, and everyone seemed to fit together in this sweet way. Even with all of you having friends of your own, you always seemed to come back to one another when times were rough.

By some stroke of luck, Hyunjin and Seungmin ended up moving in a few doors down from you and Chris. Despite Seungmin’s very vocal complaints (always made with love… you were pretty sure, at least), both of them seemed glad to have familiar faces nearby. The two always seemed to drop in when Chris was making dinner, always telling some story about their own lives. You realized that your stories almost always had Jisung and Felix in them after Seungmin pointed it out to you one night.

When did you start spending so much time with Felix? Jisung was naturally there because he was your best friend (officially now: the two of you had matching beaded bracelets you’d made for one another just to rub it in). But Felix…

Chris had picked up on how quiet you’d grown that night. But he waited to bring the topic up until one Saturday when the two of you were alone. He’d passed you the bowl of popcorn he’d made once before throwing himself onto the other end of the couch. “So. You and Felix...” 

You rolled your eyes. Your love life had always been pretty off-limits as a topic to anyone but Chris, and he was fully going to take advantage of that, wasn’t he? He’d given you a few much-needed days to figure out how you felt, and they were… Well, far from platonic. Felix was sweet as he could be, and you’d become so, so endeared to him when he started showing up to your apartment with baked goods. Everyone loved Felix, and you weren’t sure when your love for Felix became more than what it was before. Long before senior year, that was certain: every time you tried to pinpoint a beginning, you found yourself moving it further and further back to something else he’d done.

“I’m just curious!” Chris chuckled. “You always deny feeling anything for Jisung—I should have known it was Felix the entire time!”

Despite having the urge to, you didn’t roll your eyes that time. Your feelings for Jisung weren’t important. Not when he was your best friend, and having them would jeopardize that. Han Jisung did not love you the way you’d begun to love him, and you were more than happy to ignore that crush. It’d go away eventually once you stopped fantasizing about what a relationship with him would look like. And if it didn’t… Well, you’d figure that out when you came to it.

“You should go for it,” Chris said, shifting so he was slightly closer to you. “Felix is a good kid! He’s nothing like the last guy you dated—”

Oh, not this shit again. There was a reason you hadn’t dated in a while, and Chris was too aware of it. He’d been ready to get into a fist fight and call your friends as back-up. “Christopher—”

He ignored the use of your birth name, “I mean it. That guy was gross, and you deserve better than someone who thinks you should move in with them after a few weeks because living with a guy you aren’t dating is ‘weird.’” 

That had only been part of the reason you dumped the guy. You’d never told Chris any other parts because you knew what he’d say. Your ex hated Jisung because of how close the two of you were, and you weren’t going to date some insecure loser who thought he could control who you hung out with. He’d always been “fine” with the rest of your friends (begrudgingly so), but he’d targeted Jisung for some reason. Jisung was always too close to you, or he was too soft when around other people, or he was “obviously” in love with you and you were too blind to see it. If you’d let him take Jisung out of your life, you knew he’d eventually move on to someone else. It’d be Jeongin, and then Felix, and then Hyunjin… It had taken a while for you to realize it and accept it, but it was just a gateway for him to control you and your life. When you ended things with him, you told him he needed to grow the fuck up because you’d never ask him to do the things he was pressuring you to do. 

When you told Jisung that same day that you broke up with him, he’d watched you curiously for a minute. When you didn’t cry or say anything further, he smiled at you and asked if you wanted to celebrate. Jisung had treated you out for dinner that night, telling you about how he’d always thought you could do better. That guy hadn’t respected you enough to trust you, and all he could do was hope that he would eventually change for the better. It wasn’t your job to fix him, after all. You’d only left out the part where he said Jisung was in love with you: he didn’t need to know that, and  you didn’t need to hear him laugh it off as the joke that it was.

“I mean it.” Chris had moved closer to you when you never spoke up again, one hand squeezing your shoulder. “Felix is like a little brother to me. I think if you want to ask him out… The two of you would work well together.”

Maybe he had a point. But… “I thought I was your sibling.”

He rolled his eyes, moving back into his spot at the end of the couch. “Ask Jisung for help. You said they’ve known each other since high school, right?”

They have. They ended up rooming together their freshman year, and you’d almost always be spending at least a little time with Felix whenever you went to spend time with Jisung. He’d always be studying or on his way out, but he always made a point of hanging back just long enough to say hi to you and chat for a moment. Chris had a point, then. If anyone could help you, it would probably be Jisung.

(You wouldn’t know that Chris regretted the suggestion once he saw the way Jisung looked at you. He’d held his feelings to his chest for three years, and the mask slipped once when he thought no one was looking. The soft way he smiled at you, the tender look in his eyes when he heard you laugh… Chris would have taken the moment back if he could.)

Which was why you ended up in the MinSung apartment a few days later, sitting in Jisung’s computer chair. When you asked him for help, he’d agreed all too easily, saying something about how Felix did keep calling you cute. While he claimed to not know for sure (which you suspected was a lie), he’d been up front with you when he said he thought Felix might feel something toward you. Feelings in their vaguest form, but still something to give you genuine hope.

Minho had waited until you left to step into the doorway of Jisung’s room. “You’re an idiot.” 

Minho was the only person Jisung admitted his feelings about you to. He’d already picked up on it long ago, seeing the looks that everyone else seemed to not notice, and outright asked him about it. He never understood how no one, outside of himself, knew about the affection Jisung harbored for you. He’d never been all that subtle about it in Minho’s eyes, always so lovingly doting on you. He saw the way you clearly cared for Jisung, too. When he’d quietly asked Chris once whether you felt something for Jisung, he’d said you denied it every time. But while Minho had his dumb moments… He knew you were lying. You had the same loving look on your face whenever you looked at Jisung, dreamy-eyed and oh-so-tender when you engaged with him. You gave Jisung a safe place to hide when his anxiety was too much, always willing to leave with him and get him the space he needed. 

Surprisingly, Hyunjin called him the next morning, just to tell him the same thing Minho had said: you’re an idiot. Hyunjin always somehow seemed to pick up on Jisung’s feelings, too, but eventually believed him after he denied it enough times. You were Jisung’s best friend: was it really fair for him to love you so much when all you ever saw him as was a friend? 

It wasn’t. So he told Hyunjin to mind his business, causing the short-lived spat that the rest of the group heard about in the vaguest terms. Hyunjin had argued with him about it, saying that pushing you toward Felix was cruel to everyone involved. Jisung knew Felix liked you, though, and now he knew that you liked Felix. If Jisung was the only person to get hurt, he could live with it. Maybe he’d turn it into a song if he really needed to. It took a few days, but Hyunjin finally agreed to keep his mouth shut now that he’d spoken to Felix and confirmed that Felix genuinely did like you as more than a friend. If Jisung knew that you were genuine, then Hyunjin could live with it as long as Jisung took care of himself.

It wasn’t your fault that Jisung had fallen in love with you. He agreed to Hyunjin’s terms, and decided that he could live with the heartbreak if you were happy with Felix. Felix was a good person, always so loving and warm. He would treat you the way you deserved, loving you openly and affectionately. All it would cost Jisung was one heartbreak in exchange for your happiness. 

And for you? He would do it without hesitation.

One month into the semester, Jisung had already done a few things for you. Jisung went out of his way to ensure that you and Felix would sit together when given the chance, casually finding ways to move next to Hyunjin every time. A few weeks later, he’d casually dropped the fact that you were wanting to get into gaming more when the group was together, and you’d been confused until you saw the way Felix lit up at the topic. He’d immediately offered to let you join him and his friends, talking about free MMOs that you could play. All too easily, you managed to make conversation with him, talking about how you lacked experience with stuff like that… but you did have a Stardew Valley farm with Chris that the two of you worked on whenever you both had free time.

“Oh, really?” His eyes had been twinkling, head resting in his hand. “Maybe we could make a farm together.”

All too easily, he’d given you butterflies. “I’d like that,” you said, heart racing ever-so-slightly now. 

“Actually…” He averted his gaze for a moment, his pretty freckled cheeks turning red. “Our show is opening in a few weeks. If you want…” He paused, looking up to realize the others were still there, “I’d, um, I’d like it if all of you could come. I can reserve a couple tickets for opening night, but…”

You’d agreed, already planning to make sure your schedule was clear that day. The group had always planned to come support Felix on one of those nights, guaranteeing that he’d have his own section clapping loudly for him once he was taking his bow… but that quickly turned into something that would happen on a later night. You’d taken Felix up on the offer for an opening night ticket, and managed to convince Jisung to come with you. If Jisung was with you, you wouldn’t make a fool of yourself… and Jisung agreed, saying he’d watch the show twice to come with the others later. You had work the other day, after all: it all worked out in a way, right?

Right. Which was why he was standing in a flower shop with you, looking at premade bouquets. For the past five minutes, you’d been debating between a bouquet of sunflowers and yellow roses, frowning to yourself as you tried to pick which one best suited Felix. Jisung found himself staring at pale pink peonies. He’d looked up flower meanings once when thinking about you. If he was going to confess, he would have bought you a bouquet. Pink peonies meant something like deep appreciation, and he could easily spin it into his appreciation for you as his best friend. Would he ever be able to face you and not feel his heart flutter? Maybe one day he would, if he was lucky.

When he looked at you again, you were still deep in thought. He could hear you mumbling to yourself. Roses were too forward, too strong to be just a ‘friend’ thing—even if you were trying to impress Felix. And sunflowers felt… A little cliche knowing Felix. Everyone gave Felix sunflowers on his birthday if they were going to give him flowers. Jisung looked at the other bouquets, only to find one of yellow tulips. You looked up as he approached you with them in hand, the shyest smile on his face.

“You said you wanted to give Felix something pretty, so…” He held them up. “If roses feel too strong… Then why not these?” The paper crinkled underneath his grasp, and his heart was racing even now. This wasn’t meant to be romantic, so why couldn’t he calm down?

You’d lit up, accepting the bouquet with him. He felt the way your fingers brushed against his own when you accepted them, looking down at them. “Do you think he’ll like them”

“He’ll love anything you give him,” Jisung said, gaze softening. If it was from you, it’d be special. His hands rested over your own for a minute, and you met his gaze after a moment. “Hey… Would I lie to you?”

Other people might have. Some people might have tried to sabotage their best friend’s happiness, but Jisung could never do that to you. Not when you meant so much to him. He loved you too much to do anything that might hurt you, that would destroy your happiness. Even if he didn’t love you, you were still his best friend, and that meant he needed to treat you like one. Best friends didn’t destroy best friends like that.

“No,” you said, drawing the bouquet back. You smiled at it again. “Thanks, Jisung. If you wanna wait outside, you can. I’m gonna see if they can put a little ribbon around it when I pay—make it look cuter, y’know?”

His heart leapt at the idea. Of course you’d be cute like this. He wished that it could be him that you were buying flowers for, but he’d accept getting to see you this happy. “I’ll be waiting.”

The bell above the door jingled as he left the shop, taking a few steps away before leaning against the brick wall. With a sigh, he let his shoulders slump. This shouldn’t hurt so much, but the ache in his chest seemed to show no sign of going away. He could put aside his feelings for you, though, if it meant he could see you smile. The soft look in your eyes when he reassured you only made him feel more complicated inside. You weren’t his to give away, so why did it feel like he was losing a part of himself the more he went along with this plan? In the back of his head, a little voice kept telling him to find an excuse to go back to his apartment. A forgotten assignment that he’d overlooked, or reading he needed to do for class… But that meant abandoning you, even though Felix really wanted you to come see him tonight. Not Jisung. Jisung was coming to see him in a few days, so why bother staying?

Again, the bell chimed, and out you stepped, bouquet in hand. The brown paper that once had been wrapped around the flowers was exchanged for white tissue paper, all bound together with a bright, sparkly gold ribbon. It would fit Felix perfectly, all sunshine-y and pretty, and it was only now that Jisung realized you were wearing blue. Felix’s favorite color. Why hadn’t he noticed that before? If you were in red, then Jisung would have noticed right away, wouldn’t he? His mind wandered for a moment: would you have bought flowers for him if you were coming to see him perform? Hell, would you come alone to see him perform next semester? He had to perform solo as part of his degree plans—would you wait to come with the others, or would you be there every night if you could…? Instead, he just gently reminded you to loosen up your grip on the bouquet before you broke the stems.

“What if he hates them?” Your leg had been bouncing nervously the entire bus ride back to campus. 

Jisung just gently pat your arm. “He won’t,” he said, voice as soft as it was in the flower shop. “It’s Felix. I don’t think he’d ever hate anyone for bringing him a gift. Do you?”

That seemed to get through to you, and the tension in your shoulders eased up considerably. A moment later, you nodded, meeting his gaze. “Right…” And then you leaned against him, completely unaware that his heart was now racing all over again. “Sorry. I’m just… I’m nervous, I guess.” 

Jisung could tell. Everything about you now pointed to this need for tonight to go right. The fact you were not only wearing Felix’s favorite color, but also the way you had dressed up a little nicer, just to make an effort for him. The way you were fretting over the flowers still, even now (Jisung could see the way you  kept looking at them and readjusting your hands, all too conscious now that you might break the stems). He’d have to be ignoring you completely to not see the way your leg had been bouncing before, or the way you kept toying with your sleeve, or the way you kept checking the time even though you both left extremely early to get to the shop. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” he said, leaning his head against your own. “You’ll be fine.”

Despite the way he still wanted to go home, Jisung stuck by you the entire time. You needed him there to calm you, the way he depended on you sometimes, and he wouldn’t leave you to flounder. The two of you found seats a few rows back from the stage, settling in for whenever the show would begin. Jisung could see Chris sitting in the front row, beaming with pride at the whole affair. That was the nice thing about Chris: he always made a point of coming back to help wherever he could, including with productions like this. Plus, he was always there to support everyone, especially his friends. Dance showcases, theatrical performances, the art exhibits that Hyunjin’s pieces and Seungmin’s photography ended up in… Chris was there, always happy to congratulate on a job well done. Jisung didn’t need to be sitting next to him to see the way he glowed with pride every time Felix was on stage.

When the show was over, Jisung watched as you gravitated near the door the actors would eventually emerge from. He’d already passed the responsibility of congratulating Felix onto you for now (he’d tell him later) as he searched for where Chris had disappeared to in the crowd. Most likely, he’d disappeared into the back to go talk to the actors. Two years out of school, and Chris never seemed to care about the fact he wasn’t technically a part of the department anymore. Jisung admired his confidence, at least: it always felt like a line he shouldn’t cross, even though Felix always said his friends were welcome. 

He’d decided to take refuge in the bathroom instead, just to calm himself down. Chris would come back out soon when the actors did, meaning Jisung could talk to him then. He’d started to fiddle with little things as he stared at himself in the mirror: fixing a stray hair that never seemed to stay in place, adjusting the collar of his shirt, checking to see how puffy his face was… All little things that he could pick himself apart for if he felt like it, and his mind kept straying to it rather than how happy you seemed to be. He saw how engrossed in Felix’s performance you were. Maybe he should leave to spare himself from seeing this any further. He’d done his part, hadn’t he? You would understand. 

Except he didn’t leave, because Jisung was still your best friend. You wouldn’t abandon him now, so he had to do the same for you. The moment he stepped back into the theater, he saw the way you were beaming at Felix. He’d finally emerged, dressed casually again, and was happily talking to you while holding the bouquet. All he needed to do was look at Felix to know that he was smitten from the way he was smiling at you. Okay. He could deal with this. All he needed to do was find Chris and maybe he could manage.

But all it took was you looking up and waving Jisung over for him to cave, already drawn toward you like a magnet. He couldn’t just leave. Not when you were smiling at him like that. Jisung ended up rattling off some praise for Felix (genuine, because he wouldn’t half-heartedly give him praise just because you liked Felix and not him), and Felix had blushed over it. His gaze fell down to the flowers in his hands, and Felix smiled again.

“Aren’t they sweet?” The tissue paper rustled in Felix’s grasp, and he swayed toward you ever-so-slightly. “They’re so sweet.”

Jisung didn’t say that he was with you when you bought them, that he’d been the one to push them to you. “They have a really good eye for these things,” he said instead. “They fit you perfectly.”

“I know!” Felix looked up, beaming with pure joy. “They’ve never given a bad present before. I don’t really know how they do it.”

Jisung did. You kept a running list in your notes app of things that people said they liked, or things they said they wanted, or things that they needed that you constantly updated. Plus, you made a point to subtly ask about things close to holidays and birthdays, too. All the things you needed to give a good gift that people wanted and would appreciate. The only other person who knew about this was Chris, and that was because he’d caught you editing it. Even if Jisung hadn’t given you the tulips, he knew Felix would have loved the sunflowers or the roses. 

“I think I saw Chris,” Jisung said after a moment of seeing the (admittedly cute) way you and Felix kept glancing at each other. He started to move away, “I’m gonna go say hi.”

“Oh, I can come too!” You were flustered, all too aware of how much of Felix’s time you’d taken for yourself. “I mean, I’m sure Felix is tired of me hogging him, y’know?”

“It’s fine,” Felix said, smiling still. “I like talking to you.”

While his attention was still on you, Jisung made a point to nod toward Felix. Stay right there. He knew you wanted to talk to Felix, after all. You’d relaxed a moment later, planting yourself right where you were as you turned back to Felix. He’d already begun asking you something about an MMO he’d gotten you into, and Jisung turned tail to make his way to Chris. 

Jisung ended up leaving the arts building before you ever did, stepping out into the chilly night air. Chris was there to give you a ride home, after all: you didn’t need to ride the bus to Jisung’s apartment and then back to your own in the way you always insisted on doing. Chris had offered to drive him home, but Jisung waved him off. He needed the alone time to think, and the bus ride that took him home was the perfect time for it. He’d already begun writing lyrics in the notes app on his phone half-way there, and soon enough he’d put them into ink in his songwriting notebook. Just to get those feelings down while the wound was fresh and oozing ink.

You’d texted him that night to say that you were getting lunch with Felix that week. He had other shows most nights, but he’d make time for lunch with you anytime. He’d wondered for a moment until you finally said the magic word: Felix could do ‘evening dates’ with you another time. Yet you still texted him a moment later, asking if Felix meant date dates. All Jisung could say was that it might: he wasn’t Felix. He couldn’t tell you yes.

All he could tell you was that he was genuinely happy for you, even though the emotion never reached him in that moment.

When he woke up the next morning, he’d realized he fell asleep at his desk. His spine was aching at this point, and he realized that there was ink smudged on his hand and his cheek. He’d written down messy, clumsy lyrics that were nowhere near as good as he could make them. Jisung glanced over them again and again. The ink had smudged on the page, which meant he should copy them over to a fresh one after he showered. The melody would come to him while he washed off his regret anyway.

All of it was sloppy in the way a work in progress often was. But he had time to write it better.

A week later, you had curled up on Jisung’s bed while you were waiting for him to finish an assignment. The two of you had plans to go out to dinner, and you always ended up showing up a little too early. It never bothered Jisung, who was currently hard at work on a composition due for class soon. You admired him for a moment as he bobbed his head along to whatever he was working on, lips pressed tightly together in concentration. He’d already told you he wasn’t going to finish it tonight—but he just wanted a little more progress before he went anywhere with you. Which just left you to scroll through YouTube idly, eyeing the videos of ducks that kept popping onto your feed. All it took was one video from Felix for you to fall down this rabbit hole, and you were honestly fine with that. He made you happy.

Absent-mindedly, you started to reach toward Jisung’s desk. He always kept a stack of sticky notes on it, and you were hoping to blindly snag it without bothering Jisung. Yet he glanced up for half a second before pushing the cube over to you, offering a pen out to you without a word. You accepted it, thanking him out loud even though he was still entranced with whatever song he was working on. He hadn’t shared any of this one with you yet, but you weren’t going to push. He would show it to you when he was good and ready, and if he didn’t, then you just assumed it’d be more personal. All you did was roll onto your stomach, leaving your phone next to you as you began to doodle on the sticky notes. Jisung sometimes kept your silly little doodles, sticking them to his monitor before eventually throwing them out. There was still a pink one stuck to the corner of his screen with a little puppy on it, surrounded by little flowers.  You’d started drawing tulips on this new sticky note without thinking, followed by other flowers that you remembered seeing in that shop.

Jisung pulled the headphones off his head, looking over at you. He was wearing glasses again today—a rare sight since he started wearing contacts—and the monitor reflected in them. “Sorry,” he said, watching you doodle for a moment longer. “I’m almost done, I promise.”

“It’s okay,” you didn’t look up, humming to yourself as you kept drawing. “Take your time. I don’t mind waiting.”

(When other people said such things, jisung always felt a little on edge. Did they really mean it, or were they just pacifying him? But when you did it, he never had to doubt you. You always gave him this little reassuring smile. You meant it, and that was something else he loved about you.)

“I mean it,” you said, just like you always did to try and reassure him further. “I’ll be right here when you’re done, okay?”

Sometimes that promise would end in you falling asleep on his bed, always after you had a particularly long or rough day. He never woke you up: he’d just pulled a blanket over you and went to sleep on the couch for the night. He always made it up to you by buying breakfast that following morning. You did the same for him, after all.

Jisung replaced his headphones, but left one side off so he could hear you. A clear sign that he was open to conversation now, less focused on the work at hand. His way of winding down without dropping the project entirely. “How,” he said, and then paused for just a second as he clicked something else, “was lunch with Felix?”

The heat traveled to your face immediately, and you averted your gaze. “It was nice.” 

“Oh?” He swayed a little, turning his chair slightly. “So no wedding yet? I was practicing to be the flower girl, you know.”

You flipped him off, and he snorted. 

“I wouldn’t make a good one?” He faked offense. “I think I’d be cute.” 

“The cutest,” you rolled your eyes, yet still found yourself smiling. “Are you gonna show me the song you’re working on, or is this one another mystery?”

Jisung turned toward his computer again, not quite looking at you anymore. “It’s not ready yet.” 

You looked up at him, the way he sounded a little distant piquing your curiosity. It wasn’t ready yet…? You shrugged it off. What reason would Jisung have to lie to you…? Maybe he didn’t want your opinions this time around. There was nothing wrong with that, to be fair: Chris and Changbin were both better for musical analysis. But he’d always valued your opinions on something that was so important to him, and you always tried to pay attention to his lyricism and compliment him where you could.

Yet you doodled a little rose in the corner of the note. “Okay,” you dragged out the word, rolling onto your side after a moment, just to face him for a second. “If you ever want to show me, I’ll be happy to listen.”

“I’ll let you know if I need you.” A moment later, he met your eyes and smiled—just to reassure you that he was fine.

With said reassurance, you returned to lying on your stomach and doodling. You stuck the sticky note with flowers onto the side of his desk, and started doodling paw prints and hearts onto the new note. “I think we should go out.”

“Huh?!”

Immediately, your heart leapt into your throat. Fuck, that’s not what you meant—why did he have to sound so bothered by it?! Was dating you really such a weird idea…? You just prayed he couldn’t see how flustered you’d become, tugging at the collar of your shirt. When did your skin start burning…? “Felix told me about this nice restaurant and I figured we could go scope it out,” you said quickly. At least this wasn’t a lie or anything: Felix did send you the name of a nice place for a future date.

“Shouldn’t you check it out with him?”

You rolled your eyes. “You know how I am.”

Maybe it was silly, but you had this thing about scoping places out if you knew where someone was taking you. You did the same thing whenever your family was in the area and wanted to check something new out, just so you knew that there was something on the menu that you’d like. If someone else was treating you, you always felt guilty if you didn’t like what they were paying for. Jisung asked you once why you didn’t just look up the menu online and pick from there.

You had looked at him that day. “Jisung. What if they don’t make it good? What if they add extra stuff I don’t like and it’s gross after I ask them to take it off?” You frowned, hugging yourself. “Then I feel bad for wasting my money, or my date’s money, or my parents' money…” 

He hadn’t questioned you on it further and offered to be your test-date if you needed him. He’d never judge your taste, after all. If he was busy, you’d just drag Chris into going wherever with you—always offering to pay for him even though he had the better job out of the two of you. It was nice to go out with Jisung, though. He always seemed to know what you were going to pick off of the menu, the same way you knew his tastes. Speaking of…

“Jisungie?” You smiled at him, ready to sweeten the deal in a way he couldn’t refuse. “I’ll buy you cheesecake after.”

Immediately, you saw the way he pressed his lips together. You knew one of the ways to his heart and it was always through something sweet like cheesecake. A moment later, he melted, smiling as he turned back to save what he was working on. You left the sticky notes on his desk and hopped up, announcing you’d be waiting for him and made your way out. Minho had been curled up on the couch with a book, glancing up when you came in.

“Jisung and I are going to get dinner. Are you coming?”

Minho glanced over to where Jisung had emerged from his room, then shook his head. “I already ate.” 

Whatever. The two of you would have fun on your own, then. Through the power of digital maps and following directions, you and Jisung managed to find the place easily enough. The two of you ended up seated in the corner, ordering quickly enough before you were left alone. With a sigh, you’d begun to swirl your straw in your drink, mind wandering a bit. Your date with Felix had been nice, but you always felt so fluttery with him. Being around Jisung was… easier. You didn’t feel the need to force any conversation with him, the two of you were content to have a minute of quiet if that was what you both needed. It was a weird change to feel around him, to be honest. In the past, being around Felix was always easy. Now that you knew he liked you back…  It was different. You couldn’t help but wonder if things would be different if Jisung liked you back, if this were a date. Then you pushed the thought away: you needed to stop thinking things like that. 

“What’s on your mind?” Jisung had peeked up at you from where he was scrolling through social media on his phone, frowning a little.

With a sigh, you knew he’d pick up on your mood. “I feel like I’m gonna turn into one of those people who only talks about dating.” You fiddled with the sleeve of your sweater—your favorite color this time. “But…”

“I’m listening,” he said. “Is everything okay?”

Why did he have to look at you so earnestly? Jisung had the prettiest eyes, especially when they looked so shiny—like boba pearls, someone once said. You nodded a moment later. “Just… I dunno. I like Felix, but I keep getting nervous with him.” You tapped your toes against the floor, a little restless already. “I mean… I know he likes me, but… I dunno. We haven’t kissed or anything.”

“Has he said anything?” Jisung ran a hand through his hair, fluffing it effortlessly. How the hell did he always do that…? “What are you two doing next?”

“We were gonna see a movie and then get food here,” you paused, looking up from where you’d started staring at your hands. “And maybe dessert, if he’s interested.” 

“Was it your idea or his?”

“His, but—”

“Then I think you’re overthinking it,” Jisung said gently. “I think…” He trailed off for a moment, and then cleared his throat. “I think he likes you because you’re you. And… And, um,” he glanced down for just a second, “and if anyone doesn’t like you, then… I don’t think they deserve you.” 

Your heart skipped a beat. How was he so sweet? He seemed so nervous now, the way he always seemed to get when he was a little more sentimental with you. Like he was treading lightly, so as to not say the wrong thing. You’d told him once that there was nothing he could say that would upset you, and so far that still rang true. You had your fair share of disagreements over the years, but Jisung was your best friend. If you had soulmates in this life, then Jisung was one of them. “Jisung…”

He just silently watched you for a moment, gauging your reaction as he carefully tried to find any signs that he’d slipped up. 

You just buried your face in your hands a moment late, skin burning hot already. He’d melted your heart all too easily, dooming you to pine for him forever. No matter how far you went from him, no matter if you moved on, Jisung eternally had a piece of your heart and he didn’t even know it. Finally, you found the strength to speak, voice small: “I don’t deserve you.”

Your date with Felix was going well. The movie was fun, and dinner went great (especially going in knowing that you already liked some of the menu). He’d been gushing about video games and the movie, and now he was talking about a new recipe he was workshopping. His fingers were intertwined with yours as you walked aimlessly, no plan in place for where you were going next. You liked how warm Felix’s hands were, and the way he would run his thumb over your hand—just a tender little way of showing he was still there with you. 

“Maybe… I could bake with you sometime?” You squeezed his hand a little. “If you want an assistant.”

He lit up at the suggestion, already beaming again with joy. “I’d love that! I could teach you whatever you don’t know.” He paused, cheeks flushing red. “I think… you’d be a cute assistant, too.”

Your heart leapt into your throat at that, face growing warmer at the thought. Felix was always so cute, so affectionate, and the way he giggled at your flustered face only made you more embarrassed. Yet your mind had started to drift to the walk you’d taken with Jisung after dinner that night, heading toward your usual place for dessert….

Only to be jostled from your thoughts as Felix’s shoulder bumped against yours, getting your attention back with ease. “You okay?” He paused, and then smiled as he squeezed your hand. “You wanna get ice cream?”

Ice cream sounded perfect. You’d been wanting to bring up dessert, but you weren’t sure if he had room for it after dinner and splitting popcorn with you earlier. Then your mind turned to the brownies you’d had with Jisung… “Actually… There’s this place I go sometimes—”

“With Jisung?” Felix asked. He didn’t seem jealous or bothered in the slightest. “I’ve actually been wanting to go there with you.”

You slowed to a stop. “You have?”

He nodded. “Yeah, but… I dunno. I guess I started thinking I was overstepping since that place was always you and Jisung. You guys always take us somewhere else if we’re all going, so…”

What?

Felix shrugged, and started walking again. You fell into step with him. He continued on after a moment, “You two are really close. I mean… I’ve been places with my friends that I haven’t gone with you all, y’know? Maybe we keep stuff for our friends sometimes.”

The shop had always been a place for you and Jisung, sure, but neither of you ever intended for it to be exclusively for you two. Minho had gone with the two of you once or twice, and so had Chris. Now that you were thinking about it, this place wasn’t even the place you two used to frequent. That place closed down a little over a year ago, and you’d found this place shortly after that. The two of you had gotten a to-go order that first time to try in his apartment and fell in love with the dessert there. 

“It’s not our place,” you said after a moment. “If you want ice cream, we can get ice cream instead. I just started thinking about their brownies—”

Felix was already intrigued. “Do you wanna go?” He squeezed your hand a little, giddy at the idea. “We can split one, if you want?”

Perfect. “I’d love that,” you giggled. “They’re huge and they put a scoop of vanilla on top and drizzle it with caramel—you’ll love it.”

And he did: he fed you the first bite, just to be cheesy. His eyes always seemed to twinkle when he looked at you, so thoroughly endeared to you day after day. He’d hummed in bliss at his own first bite of the dessert before talking about how the salted caramel complimented the sweetness of the vanilla ice cream and the slight bitterness of whatever dark chocolate was in the brownie. It all came together beautifully, and all you could do was admire how pretty Felix was. He’d held your hand again after the two of you left, and held on tight for the entire walk home. 

“May I…?”

You turned your cheek to him, and he pressed a kiss against it. His lips were soft against your cheek, lingering there for a few extra seconds before he drew away. He’d already started talking about planning your next date soon, leaving it there. He took a few steps back, waiting until you unlocked the door to your apartment before he waved and made his way in the opposite direction. You retreated into your apartment with the sappiest smile on your face, already on cloud nine. In the sanctuary of your apartment, you buried your face in your hands, trying to ignore how heavily your heart was thumping in your ears.

“Someone had a good time.”

Chris had stood near the entryway, two glasses in his hands. He must have been on his way back to the living room, and you waved him on as you slipped out of your shoes and into your house slippers. Right as you were ready to tell Chris a little about how your date had gone, you spotted Changbin on the couch. With a polite way, you decided to hold off. Chris could wait to hear things tomorrow, and you told him that as you made your way toward your room.

“Did he walk you back?” Chris called out, and you hung back long enough to nod. “You could have invited him in for a minute—”

“Oh, fuck no.” You loved Chris, and maybe it would have been polite, but he had too much dirt on you. The fact you’d managed to be friends with everyone this long without having all your embarrassing stories spilled was a miracle in itself. “I love you, but I don’t need you to embarrass both of us, Chris.”

Chris only burst into giggles, knowing that you were right and that Felix would have agreed with you in a heartbeat. “I wouldn’t do it too bad!”

Big brother energy. Big bother energy, too. You opened your bedroom door. “You absolutely would,” you called back. “Love you!”

Yet it was right as you were closing the door that you heard Changbin speak up, clearly not intending for you to hear: “I thought they were…” Then a pause, just for a second. “... What about Jisung?”

You shut your bedroom door as quietly as you could, praying that no one noticed you’d caught that. You pressed your back against it for a minute, wondering where you had slipped up. Were you that obvious? Did everyone but Jisung know that you liked him and he didn’t like you back? No. No, no one else could know, right? If they knew, they would have said something by now—especially with the fact that you and Felix weren’t hiding the fact you were dating. Speaking of…

You texted him to get home safe, tacking on a yellow heart after it. He attached a little heart to the message soon enough, and you smiled to yourself. He’d text you when he got home, the way he usually did. All you could do now was start getting ready for bed as you let your mind drift back to what Changbin had been saying. If Changbin knew, then there was no telling if he’d accidentally spill it. What if Jisung found out…? He’d look at you differently, wouldn’t he? Especially since you’d asked him to help you get with Felix. What if he connected the dots and figured out that you were dating Felix because you were trying to move on? What if Felix found out and he hated you for it…? A world in which Jisung and Felix hated you was one you didn’t want to live in, and your heart began to race at the thought. Shit. What if…? You wanted to reach for your phone, to call Jisung. But Jisung would ask some questions to help you calm down, and you weren’t sure if you could be vague enough to keep him from finding out. 

Instead, you threw yourself into doing research for an essay. The less you thought about it all, the better off you’d be. The only thing that pulled you out of your thoughts was the text that popped up over an hour later from Felix. He’d sent you a picture of himself with a face mask on, dressed and ready for bed, and apologizing that he didn’t text you sooner. It was followed up with a “sleep well 💙we’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?” that left you smiling.

Felix was cute. He was sweet. He liked you, and you liked him. All you needed to do was push past your feelings for Jisung, and things would work out. Letting go was the hardest part of loving someone who wouldn’t love you back, and you needed to learn how to do it.

Maybe Felix could help you learn how to do that by loving you extra loud.

“You’re both slacking, you know!”

Jisung looked up at the sound of your voice carrying across the apartment. Barely milliseconds later, he heard Minho groan at you for pointing out the fact the apartment was a little unkempt. Fuck, you were here sooner than he thought—he’d seen your text over half an hour saying you were coming, but you were ‘taking your time’ for whatever reason. You’d given him a time, and even still he was surprised by how soon you’d showed up.

“I told you to text before you come!”

You’d stopped for a minute to turn to huff at him. “I did!” 

“Text me, not just Jisung.” There was no venom in his words, purely Minho ribbing you, but Jisung jolted from his chair. Shit, his room was a mess still. Minho had to know, didn’t he? This was him giving him a chance to tidy before you came in. “He’s been in his room all day, by the way.”

“What?” You hadn’t moved. “Really? Is he behind, or…?”

Yes, keep distracting them, Jisung shoved trash into the small trash can next to his desk—all wrappers from snacks. The sticky notes from his monitor were neatly hidden away in the bottom drawer with all the others you’d left him. Minho was rattling something off about how he knew Jisung had been hard at work, although he’d barely checked on him since he seemed to be focused. He’d tie up the bag and take it out of his room later, after you left. He made up his bed as you asked something about one of Jisung’s classes, to which Minho said a curt “I don’t know, I’m not his mom,” which earned ribbing from you considering how Minho acted like a mom at times. A second later, your voice was a little louder, having stepped closer to his room.

He threw himself back into his chair, pulled his headphones on, and pretended to be hard at work. Don’t notice the fact he’s still panting a little—he was just… running. A marathon. Really. He heard your quick knock, followed by the creak of his bedroom door a moment later. When you waved your hand in front of his face, he pretended to jolt back, pushing his headphones around his neck as he looked up at you.

With a smile, you held up the takeout. “How much do you love me?”

More than you knew. No wonder you told him you weren’t sure you’d be there on time. He accepted the bag, already working to undo the knot. “I don’t deserve you.”

You pulled over the spare chair, pulling it over to his desk. “Minho said you’ve been busy all day. Everything okay?”

He nodded. “Just working on that paper on music history,” he set aside the plastic-wrapped utensils. “It’s due in a few days, but I’m behind on it, so…”

You frowned a little. “Okay, but… Have you eaten today?” When he didn’t move, you’d been given your answer. “Aw, Jisungie…”

“I’ve snacked?”

“That’s not the same thing,” you leaned against his desk. “I guess I came at a good time, then.” 

He nodded, pulling the knot undone. He set your food aside. “I think Minho tried to check on me earlier. I don’t really remember.”

It wouldn’t be the first time, and both of you knew that. “Are you gonna share this time?”

He let out a groan. One time he ate all the steamed dumplings, and you’ve never let him live it down. “I always share,” he said, setting the container where both of you could reach it. “Take however many you want.”

“Not those,” you said, before pausing for a moment. “Well, yes those, but…” You pointed your chopsticks toward his computer. “Any of your work. I feel like I haven’t heard any of it this semester.” 

“You’re usually with Felix,” he said, voice a little quieter. “I mean… You two are usually going out and doing things, you know?” He hoped you understood him: you couldn’t be around to hear things when you were out with him. 

“Not the entire semester,” you frowned again. Then you sighed, balancing your food in your lap. “But you’re right.” Then you paused, brows drawing together. “Wait… Am I spending too much time with Felix?”

Jisung shook his head quickly. “No! No, you two are fine—I just meant—”

You reached out, squeezing his shoulder, “No, Jisung. I’m sorry.”

The way you sounded so genuinely upset only broke his heart a little. He didn’t mean to imply you shouldn’t be spending time with Felix—the two of you were dating after all. “Don’t feel bad about Felix—”

You stopped him there again. “No, I mean… I know we’re dating, but that’s no excuse to ignore you. I don’t want to be the kind of person who dumps their friends entirely, all just because I’m seeing someone. That’s not fair to you.”

His face grew warmer. Had you thought about this before…? You’d always been so conscious of your friendships when dating in the past. Sure, you spent more time with past partners, but he’d never felt neglected. No one did. “You aren’t dumping any of us. It’s okay.”

Yet that didn’t seem to stop you. “We should go out this weekend,” you said. “Like we usually do. I have to work Saturday morning, but my evening is yours.” 

His? Jisung ignored the way his heart skipped a beat at that. It didn’t mean anything. “But what about Felix?”

You pressed your lips together. “If he doesn’t understand ‘best friend time,’ then he’s not the one.” You shrugged. “My partner shouldn't stop me from hanging out with friends. I’m never going to date anyone like that. I wouldn’t want anyone to put their life on pause entirely for me, you know?”

Jisung had always loved that about you. You loved your friends wholeheartedly, and you were always so, so loyal to them. In your past relationships, you’d always found time for friends. They understood whenever you prioritized the relationship during that initial phase, sure, but it always just felt… wrong to drop them entirely during that period. You needed to balance your time, after all.

Jisung swallowed his own pain. “How are you two?”

“You don’t want to hear about us.”

“I do,” he insisted. “You don’t have to share anything, but… You’re both still my friends. Jeongin said he saw you two on a date.”

You fumbled with your chopsticks, immediately growing flustered. “Oh my god. Felix kept telling me that he was positive it wasn’t him—I knew it was! Holy shit—”

“He didn’t say anything bad!” Jisung panicked a little, carefully removing your food from your lap before it could get spilled in your movement. He moved his chair over, giving you some of his desk space so you wouldn’t have to use your lap as a table anymore. “All he said was that you two were holding hands and giggling. He said it was sweet.”

You refused to look at Jisung, still too embarrassed to do anything more than push your food around its plate. “He’s… really sweet,” you admitted after a moment. “I dunno how I feel, honestly, and I kinda feel bad about that. He’s nice to talk to, and he’s sweet, but… I dunno. I keep getting worried that I’m leading him on if I’m not all-in already.” Your knee bumped against Jisung’s. “You changed the subject, by the way.” 

Shit, you caught him. Jisung just moved the dumplings between the two of you again, trying to distract you. When you gave him a pointed look, he knew you weren’t going to drop it yet. With a sigh, he shrugged. “I’ll show you after I finish one. They aren’t good yet.” 

“Bullshit,” you said. “Your works’ always good. Even when it’s a work in progress—I can always tell that you love what you’re doing. I love how devoted you are to it… and to us, y’know.” 

Now it was his turn to be embarrassed, always so easily flustered. How did complimenting him come so easily to you? 

“You don’t have to share it if you aren’t ready or if you don’t want to,” you said after a moment. “You can tell me that, though. I’ll stop asking.”

Jisung looked up, nodding. “Later,” he promised, running a hand through his hair nervously. “When I’m ready.”

You giggled, squeezing his knee. “That’s all I needed to know,” you said. “I’ll be here for you when you want to share, alright?”

Tell them. The little voice in the back of Jisung’s mind was nagging him again, and all he could do was admire how giddy you were getting over dumplings. He loved how you found joy in little things like this, too. Tell them so they can break your heart and get it over with.

Then something clicked in his mind, something he’d glazed over entirely. “You… might not like Felix?”

You avoided his gaze, as though you were ashamed. There was nothing wrong with not being sure of your feelings, and yet you’d shrunk before him, unsure. “I don’t know. I… I like him, but I’m not sure how far it goes.”

“You should figure it out soon,” he said softly. Regardless of his own feelings for you, Felix was his friend. You clearly were, too. It was unfair if you stopped feeling things and kept seeing him. “Felix is a really good person. If you want to date him, you should be up front about it. He won’t hold it against you if you don’t feel the same, you know? Do what will make you happy.” 

You looked up from your food a moment later, a soft look in his eyes. He’d seen you and accepted you without any harsh judgment. Someone else might have told you off for being unsure, but not Jisung. Never Jisung. Feelings were complicated, after all. If you weren’t sure, then you weren’t sure. All you needed was time to figure it out. You wouldn’t drag things out to hurt Felix. You turned, leaning over the side of your chair to wrap your arms around him. He relaxed into your embrace, reaching up a hand to squeeze your arm.

“I’m really glad you’re in my life, Jisung.” You shut your eyes, squeezing him extra tight for a second. “I really, really love you, y’know?”

Why did that feel like a confession? His heart was racing, and he just squeezed you gently. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he savored this moment. “Yeah,” he said, praying that you didn’t notice how warm his face was getting, or hear how fast his heart was racing. “Love you, too.”

A moment later, you drew away, hands lingering on his arm for a moment too long. Then you were hit with realization. “Oh!” You drew away from him, “I forgot to get us drinks.” The wheels noisily rolled against the floor as you stood up. “I’ll go see what’s in the fridge, alright?”

Before he could offer to go, you were gone. Jisung watched the door shut behind you, and let out a long sigh as he relaxed into his chair. How long would it take for him to get past this? Every little moment like this with you only made his feelings burrow deeper into his chest. It felt as though he’d hit bedrock and somehow managed to keep digging. Something squeezed in his chest, and he felt as though he was going to suffocate in that moment. 

Jisung loved you too much, and now it was starting to hurt even more.

Felix was… Felix. He’d been kind to you from the first day you met him. He was sweet. Sometimes insecure, but most people were, weren’t they? He was warmer than sunshine, though, and you had always felt like you were on top of the world when you were with him. He had that ability to just spread joy in other people, that pretty smile enough to give anyone butterflies—especially when you heard his laugh afterward. He’d always drifted toward others, always ready to give a warm hug when someone needed it (or even just wanted it). Felix was sunshine in human form…

So what changed? He was smiling that cute, smitten smile that he always seemed to have when he was around you. He played with your fingers, talking about his day and asking you about your own. The two of you hadn’t been going out that long, yet those weeks seemed to shift subtly more and more until you were where you were now. The time he first kissed your cheek felt so distant now. He still liked to press little kisses against your cheek, and you often did the same to him, too. So what was wrong with you? His giggle still made your heart flutter, and the cute face he made when he got flustered was still adorable, but…

Chris had paused the movie the two of you were watching one weekend, opting to study you for a moment. You’d been scrolling through your social media feeds, too bored with the stilted leads. They were reciting shitty dialogue written by someone who clearly didn’t know what love was. Then again… What was love like?

“Hey. Can we talk?” 

You looked up, confused. When did Chris get so serious…? “What’s wrong?”

“I love you, but…” He let out a sigh. “I just wanted to say that I think you should cut things off with Felix if you aren’t interested.”

What? You never said you weren’t interested. Felix was sweet, and nice, and you felt great when you were around him still. “What?”

“I don’t know—Whenever I look at the two of you now, it looks like you’re always thinking about something.” Chris paused for a moment, and then frowned at you. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m still here for you. I just don’t want you and Felix to get hurt.” 

You hugged yourself. “I know, I just…”

“Just… Figure it out, yeah?” Chris let out a sigh. “I love you so, so much. And I love Felix, too. When you said you were interested in him, I was really excited for you both, yeah? But, I don’t know, I can’t shake this weird feeling now.” He paused for a moment, eyes searching your own now. “I didn’t push you into this, did I?”

“No! No,” you shook your head, “you didn’t. I was crushing on him for a while.” You drew your knees a little closer to you, shifting into a more comfortable position. “I… I don’t know.” 

Maybe you should kiss him. Just to see how it felt. 

“I guess…” You trailed off for a moment, hugging your blanket closer to you. “I guess I’m just not sure about anything anymore. I like hanging out with him. And… I like him. I just don’t know how I feel anymore.”

Chris frowned as he watched you. He understood, though: feelings were always complicated in some way, weren’t they? “You should tell him soon once you figure it out.” The way he was being so insistent on it meant someone talked to him. Was it Felix…? Had Felix confided in him? He sat up, reaching for the near-empty bowl of popcorn. He dropped the remote into your lap. “I’m gonna make more popcorn. Find something actually good to watch, yeah?”

“This was your pick, you know.” 

He just rustled your hair before moving on. With a new movie picked out, Chris settled into the space next to you rather than his usual spot. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his side as he pressed a kiss onto the top of your head. He’d always given you little kisses like that when you were upset, and the habit never really died. It comforted you even now, reminding you of simpler times. He’d cared for you once when you were a child, rushing to your side when you skinned his knee. Admittedly it was because you’d been chasing after him, but he’d cared for you the same way he did for his siblings. He bandaged your knee, kissing it better the way his parents always did before kissing your forehead. His parents told him that it helped it heal faster. And, sure, the two of you had been dumb kids then, but the kisses now always reminded you that you weren’t going through things alone. Chris was always right there with you, the older brother you never had. 

It was sweet. At least you would always have Chris in your corner, right next to Jisung.

Felix kissed you.

The two of you had walked home from dinner that night with your pinkies linked together. You’d grown quieter with each step, listening to Felix as he filled the space with soft conversation until it, too, was drowned in the sounds of the night. The sound of cars driving past, the chirp of crickets, the wind as it kissed your skin. But Felix was right there with you, still tethered to you by your pinkies. Even now, he looked at you so sweetly whenever he caught your eye. He’d fixed your jacket, or brushed a stray strand of hair back from your face. When you were finally back in front of your apartment, he’d asked if he could kiss you. You said yes, and he closed that distance between you. All at once, you knew: Felix wasn’t it.

Maybe there would never be anyone like Jisung for you. But you couldn’t be upset about that. It wasn’t his fault you fell for him somewhere along the way. And now you were standing in front of your apartment, an eternity seeming to pass as Felix kissed you gently. His lips were slightly chapped this time, fingers gently holding your face. One of the neighbors must have opened their door and seen from the way it opened and immediately shut. 

A moment later, Felix pulled away since you never actually reciprocated. The hurt in his eyes told you everything: he knew. His hands were still holding your face, thumbs running over the apples of your cheeks. Shit. Fuck, you’d hurt him, all while you were hurting, too. Yet you saw the way he tried to fight back tears, blinking quickly as he took in a shaky breath.

When he spoke, his voice was strained. “This… wasn’t ever going somewhere, was it?”

Even after you’d hurt him, he was still so gentle with you. You wished he were angry with you, or upset, or anything other than the man who was forcing a smile in front of you now. If he yelled at you or started crying, then you could apologize. You could try to fix things. All he did was keep that forced smile as he drew his hands back, letting them fall to his sides again. With the tiniest step back, your worlds seemed to break apart. Why couldn’t he just  yell at you? You’d hurt him, and he just… He looked at you like he still thought the world of you.

“That’s okay.” His voice was so much quieter. It was as though his sunlight had been snuffed out. “I had fun.”

“Felix—”

“I mean it,” he said, taking another small step back. “I… I really hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship. I still like talking to you, and—and I like being your friend. And you’re kind-of good at games, so we could, um—we could still use yours if you wanted to play with us, and…”

He was rambling. All you could do was step forward, pulling him into your arms to hug him tight. All too easily, he crumpled into your embrace, holding you tight. 

“I’m sorry, Felix.” You hoped he would forgive you someday. Not today. Not too soon, not too easily. You didn’t deserve that. “I should have known sooner.”

He shut his eyes for a moment, taking in another shaky breath before pulling away from you. “It’s okay. You didn’t know.” He paused. “You should head in. I’m sure Chris is worried. I’ll probably get a text from him on my way home. You know how he is—he always worries, and, um, he… worries a lot about if I’m getting home safe, and…”

You punched in your apartment’s code, stepping back into the doorway. You turned to face Felix one last time, heart breaking in your chest. He forced one more smile as he looked at you.

“Goodnight,” he said, voice soft as ever.

You swallowed hard. “Goodnight, Felix. Get home safely.”

And then you shut the door, securing the door as you pressed your forehead against it. You waited, hoping that Felix had taken off as soon as the door was shut before you slammed your fist into it. Chris was out. You hadn’t seen his shoes when you stepped in, his house slippers left in their usual spot. All too quickly, you kicked your shoes off, heading toward your room as you started to strip off your clothes. You just wanted to be in your pajamas, curled up in bed. The heartbreak wasn’t what was hurting you more: it was knowing you’d hurt Felix, and he was going to go home, and he was going to cry because Felix was someone everyone treated with care. He wasn’t fragile, but he was gentler. A softer person. There was a reason why Minho joked with him differently, after all. 

At least you were alone now. Chris would have asked questions. Everyone would have, except… You’d picked up your phone, opening it up to Jisung’s contact. Jisung wouldn’t ask questions. Jisung would hold you and let you cry. But he was Felix’s friend first. 

All you could do now was send a final text to Felix to get home safely. A little heart popped up next to the message, a sign that he saw it, and you shut your phone off afterward. You dragged yourself to bed, chest heavy and hurting as you pulled your blankets around yourself. Why couldn’t things just be different?

Why couldn’t you just turn your feelings off?

Jisung didn’t speak to you all week. 

This wasn’t him getting busy with schoolwork and shutting everyone out to work. Jisung did that with warning to everyone, just so no one worried about him. That was the rule for all of you. Life could be hectic, but no one was to completely shut everyone out without at least some sort of heads up so no one worried too much. Jisung had always been clear with telling you when he needed his space so that you could check in with him occasionally. The one person you needed most right now wasn’t responding to your texts, and that terrified you. He was pissed at you. He had to be, right? You had hurt Felix, and Jisung decided to side with the person he’d known longer. Messaging Minho yielded no answer, too. You had expected Felix to avoid you the way he was now, but even he had been more cordial to you. Sure, he was quieter, but that, again, was something you had expected. He apparently came by one day to see Chris, and you had never known until Chris offhandedly mentioned it.

You had to figure things out, which meant asking everyone separately. Chris had claimed he didn’t know anything about what was wrong with Jisung. He never acted any differently when they interacted, although it was a little more rare nowadays. Minho only responded to tell you that Jisung needed space, but that he wasn’t sure what had happened. Felix had messaged you back to first accept your apology for bothering him and then tell you that he wasn’t sure what happened. No one did. Jeongin seemed clueless that anything had happened, Changbin said he’d see what he could find out (only to come up fruitless in that attempt), and Seungmin had been buried in his own schoolwork. If anyone had known something, it would have been Minho.

Which… admittedly was why you decided to wait outside the dance studio he worked at. He was teaching kids dance now, and it paid well enough that he could support himself. Plus he seemed happy, always getting along well with the kids according to Felix and Hyunjin when they volunteered to help a few times. You knew that he locked up in the evenings because he was the last person out, always taking an hour to himself to practice his own dancing. You listened to the jingle of keys and the loud click of the door, followed by Minho making his way down the steps. He noticed you all too easily, and slowed to a stop.

He shook his head, pocketing his keys. “I’m not telling you anything,” he said, as though he’d been expecting you to track him down. Maybe he did. Minho could have his airheaded moments the way you had your own, but he wasn’t stupid. “How long have you been waiting?”

“Maybe half an hour.” You crossed your arms, shivering a little in the cold. Maybe longer, actually. “I just want to know what’s going on with Jisung. I’m worried, Minho—he hasn’t said anything to me.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “He’s just going through a few things.” He stepped down off that final step, making his way toward home. He turned, speaking to you again, “He’s not ready to talk to you, so give him space for now. He’ll talk to you when he’s ready.” Then he turned away again, continuing his walk away.

That wasn’t enough for you. You hurried to catch up to him, “Minho!” You fell into step next to him. “Why can’t he just tell me that? That’s all I needed to hear from him. He knows he can tell me things, I just—”

Minho stopped suddenly, turning to face you. He reached up, hands resting on your shoulders. “When he’s ready, he’ll tell you. Don’t worry about him,” his fingers dug into your shoulders for a quick squeeze, “I’m taking care of him. Just wait for him.” 

Before you could question him further, Minho let go of you. All you could do was stand there, stewing in your thoughts. Minho knew, then. What he knew exactly, you weren’t sure, but he at least knew what was wrong with Jisung. You drew your phone back out of your pocket, opening it to your unanswered messages to Jisung. Maybe you shouldn’t have,  but you needed to say at least one last thing before you stopped trying to contact him. Just to he knew that you were still on his side:

I’m here if you need me, Jisung. Please take care. Love you.

And by the time you were home, he had reacted with a heart. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to tell you he’d seen your messages. 

At least he’d given you that.

Jisung still wasn’t speaking to you another week later.

He knew about Felix. How could he not know about Felix? He knew that you had ended things with him. He knew that Hyunjin was beyond pissed at you, and he knew you’d eventually figure that out. Jisung had spilled his feelings to Hyunjin when he pushed again. That he had loved you for so long now that he couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t love you. Hyunjin, to his credit,  had quietly listened to Jisung as he told him everything. Then when he was done, he scowled to himself.

“They hurt Felix,” he had said. “Because they love you.”

Jisung shook his head. “You don’t have to say things like that. I know they don’t—”

“No, they do, and you need to realize that.” Hyunjin crumpled the paper cup of coffee, getting up to throw it into the trash. “That’s why they turned Felix down.”

What the hell—Did you say something to Hynjin? “Did they tell you?”

“No.” He crossed his arms. “But I know. It’s a gut feeling. I always thought you were lying to me, but…” He let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “You deserve better than them, Jisung.”

Immediately, he was taken aback. “What?”

“They fucked with Felix’s feelings,” he said, “and I think that’s fucked up. I don’t care that they have feelings for you—they should have left Felix out of it. Why would they do this to him?”

“They liked him,” Jisung said, already quick to defend you. He was hurting, yes, but he wasn’t going to just let Hyunjin insult you like this. You weren’t some cruel person—you had genuinely liked Felix. What, were you supposed to keep dating Felix when it turned out you didn’t feel the same way? “They wouldn’t have dated him if they didn’t.”

“Did they?” He balled his hands into fists. “Or were they just trying to get over you?”

“They wouldn’t have hurt him on purpose!” Jisung hated how he teared up now. He was angry, he wanted to defend you, and yet the stress of fighting back now was already getting to him. “They were figuring out how they felt—they’re not a bad person for figuring out that they don’t like him like that.”

“I mean it,” Hyunjin said. “You deserve better. Felix does, too.”

Jisung didn’t know what else to say. Nothing he could say would change Hyunjin’s mind, would it? He was pissed at you, and nothing Jisung could say on your behalf would do anything. Only you could change his mind. 

“I’m still here for you,” Hyunjin said, voice a little softer than before. “I know it’s hard. I’m sorry, Jisung.”

Of course he was still there for him. Everyone would be—including Felix, if he knew. He saw a picture pop up a few days later of Felix out with Hyunjin and Changbin, smiling genuinely at the camera. He’d heard about how badly Felix had been hurting those first few days–. Changbin said he’d been crying for so long that night, genuinely heartbroken by how everything had gone down. Not that Changbin was upset with you at all: relationships sometimes just didn’t work out. It sucked that Felix was hurt, but everyone (excluding Hyunjin, who’s loyalty to Felix admittedly blinded him to anything you were going through) understood that the situation was complicated. It had to be, right? The two of you seemed to fit together so well…

Jisung shut his eyes, listening as he reworked this part in his song about you for maybe the millionth time now. The lyrics weren’t completely right, not flowing the way he wanted them to. But he’d never been able to get them right every time he tried to rewrite them, and it was too personal a project to ask for a second opinion on. He’d stopped working on it to console Felix at one point, only for him to ask point black if Jisung actually did like you. He denied it. the same way he always did and always would, and Felix didn’t push. Jisung couldn’t like you now. Not when it would hurt someone, and especially when it would hurt someone like Felix. Denying his feelings hurt, but pursuing you just felt selfish.

Suddenly, his headphones were pulled off his ears, and Minho stood next to him. He glanced at the screen and already recognized it to be the piece that Jisung had been working on constantly when he wasn’t working on schoolwork, and sighed. Jisung watched as Minho wordlessly made his way over to his closet, opening the doors and searching through his shirts. He yanked one off, throwing it at Jisung, who scrambled to catch it.

“Get dressed,” Minho said before Jisung could question him. “Chris is on his way.”

Jisung furrowed his brows. Chris was…? He looked down at the clean white t-shirt in his hands. “Did something happen?”

“We’re all going out,” he said, searching for a clean pair of jeans. He threw those at him, too, and then turned. “You’ve barely left the apartment outside of work and class. We’re going to sing your feelings out. Bottling them up won’t help you.”

Jisung only stared at him. Writing a song about you was the opposite of bottling it up… right? “I’m not—”

“You don’t have to tell us everything,” he made his way over, giving Jisung a gentle pat on the head. “But you can depend on us. We’re here for you.”

Jisung looked down at the clothing Minho had oh-so-lovingly thrown in his face, and nodded. He left his headphones on his desk, moving to change once Minho had left him alone. Soon enough, he had changed, and even sooner after that, Chris had shown up. If you were upset, Chris hadn’t said a word about it. He just threw an arm around Jisung, already bragging about how he’d have the highest score tonight if Jisung didn’t bring his game. It was almost nice to act as though nothing was wrong, even though Jisung saw the concerned looks Chris kept taking. 

He’d run his fingers over the smooth seats in the karaoke room, listening as Chris put in an order for drinks and snacks. All of this was his treat, he’d insisted over and over. This was entirely his idea, apparently (an idea Minho didn’t refute at all). Jisung kept glancing at the door, wondering if this was some plan they’d concocted to make the two of you talk. 

“Jisung, you should sing first,” Minho said, prodding his side to get his attention. 

Jisung looked to his two friends, who began to chant his name to motivate him further. This wasn’t a trap to make the two of you talk, then. The tension eased off of him. They wouldn’t do that to him—not like this, at least. He waved his hands, though. “No—It’s fine! One of you can go first.”

Chris stood up and began to cycle through the songs, humming to himself before stumbling across one. “Jisungie,” he cooed, “will you sing with me?”

Of course Chris had found a duet. It was from two members of a popular boy group, and Jisung had… admittedly listened to it more than a few times over the past two weeks. The song was about heartbreak to the point of begging the listener to say yes, to sing this song with them again, to let them stay again. It was easier to sing alongside Chris than to sing along, to share his pain through another song he’d had on repeat. 

And it became healing to belt out a ballad with his friends until his throat ached. To break down crying afterwards and be held by them as he sobbed. Something inside of him had finally broken down in the way it needed to. When replacing his battery once, the guy behind the counter told Jisung that it was okay to let his phone die sometimes, because even it needed rest. He didn’t know enough to know if this was sound advice, but he had always kept the advice in mind at least. Was that what this was? Had his own battery finally run out and this was his way of resting rather than tirelessly pushing forward, recharge after recharge? He’d leaned into Minho’s side, sobbing into his sleeve while Chris rubbed circles onto his back. 

By the time they left after buying another hour, Jisung felt lighter. He would always carry this heartbreak for you within him, yearning for something he needed to let go of to be better. But more importantly, things finally seemed clearer to him. He knew how to fix his song, lyrics perfected in the back of his mind. He typed them out into his notes app while sitting in the back of Chris’s car, just so he wouldn’t lose them. The melody came to him easier—something he’d need to change a little to be just right—and he tapped it out onto his jean-clad leg. The moment he was home, he would put it down onto paper. 

And when he finished his song, he could finally let go. Jisung promised himself that he would, and when he did that, he could finally let you back in if you would have him.

Almost three weeks without Jisung, and you felt like you were holding yourself together with thread. At first, you’d been angry once Minho told you to just wait for Jisung. If it was this serious, then Jisung should have told you himself that he needed space. A lot of space, apparently. Then came worry,  because had you done something to upset him? Was that why he wouldn’t so much as look at you anymore? Had you hurt Jisung without even knowing it. Or… Or did he figure out the real reason why you couldn’t be with Felix? Someone must have suspected your feelings for Jisung now. Chris had to know. Changbin already suspected something. Surely, one of them would have hinted at it to Jisung… wouldn’t they? Night after night, you found yourself searching through every text from your friend group for some answer that you were sure would never come to you. Something that someone had said to hint at what was wrong with Jisung.

And then the answer came to you in what someone didn’t say. Hyunjin had never responded to a single one of your texts. You hadn’t noticed at the time, far too caught up in trying to figure out the puzzle that was Han Jisung and his disappearance from your life. But you’d had enough, and if Hyunjin had the answers, then it was time to put a stop to this. You’d buzzed his apartment, and Seungmin let you in without much of a second thought. Hyunjin sat at their dining table, sketchbook open in front of him while he worked on thumbnails for a new assignment. He looked up, and immediately you saw disgust cross his face.

“Tell me what’s wrong with Jisung.”

You weren’t asking anymore: this was a demand. A week ago, you would have scurried in and pleaded for Hyunjin to just talk to you. But the scorn in his eyes was enough to tell you that Hyunjin knew something and, for whatever reason, he was beyond pissed at you. He scowled at you for a moment, but let it go, fading into neutrality. He leaned back after a moment, giving you a quick once-over.

“You’re being rude.”

Was he serious right now? Of all the people to deal with… “Hyunjin.” You folded your arms across your chest. “I mean it. If you do know something, then tell me already.”

His gaze was cold still, expression not betraying his true thoughts. “It’s none of your business.”

“Bullshit!” You snapped at him, fists balled as you stepped forward. “It’s been almost three weeks and I haven’t seen Jisung the entire fucking time—If it’s bad, then at least say that!” 

“What do you think the problem is?!” Hyunjin truly was pissed with you, voice now raising as he stood up. He pushed his sketchbook aside to where it would be safe, and stared you down. “You broke Felix’s heart, and it’s hurting the rest of us—and you should have thought about that before you asked him out.”

You sputtered. Was he pissed at you because things didn’t work out? “I didn’t know we wouldn’t work out! What was I supposed to do—pretend I still had feelings for him?”

“Tell him sooner.” He clenched his jaw. “Don’t lead him on when you clearly have feelings for Jisung.”

Seungmin gasped behind you, and you found yourself at a loss for words. Hyunjin knew? When—How—How the fuck did Hyunjin find out? You swore you’d always hidden your feelings well, but… “What are you talking about?”

His gaze was ice cold now, and he scowled at you once more. “You went out with Felix because you didn’t want to admit it. Now Jisung feels bad because he helped set you two up because you asked—Did you even like Felix?!” 

“I did!” You did. You truly did. But not every relationship was meant to last—and, hell, you never even became anything official. If you could turn back time, you would have ended things sooner. “I did,” you said, your voice softer as you reined in your temper. “I wouldn’t just mess with Felix like that, Hyunjin. He’s my friend, too.” You brought your arms up to hug yourself. “Hyunjin, do you really think I’d do that?”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything for a moment, the regret clear on his face. His fingers grazed the wooden table in front of him as he looked away from you, pressing his lips into a firm line. As upset as he was with you, assuming you would be so cruel to someone you both clearly cared about was… a little too far, wasn’t it? He took a deep breath as he calmed himself down, meeting your eyes after a moment. “I think you need to figure out your feelings. I’m tired of watching my friends hurt.” 

“I know.” Your lip trembled a little, and you fought back the urge to cry. “I can’t help how I feel about Felix, though. I know I should have told him sooner, but… I really, really didn’t know until we kissed. I promise.” 

Hyunjin said nothing at first, just watching you. He licked his lips a moment later, swallowing hard. “You really don’t understand, do you?”

All you could do was stare. Maybe he would give something away. “What?”

Seungmin spoke up after a moment, “Don’t you have that meeting? For your project?” He looked between the two of you. He looked at Hyunjin more pointedly after a moment, clearly annoyed at the confused look on his face. “Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin caught on for once, although you could tell that this was some sort of lie. “Right,” he said, reaching for his sketchbook. “I should go.”

There was no point in calling either of them out. They weren’t going to tell you anything now, and you needed to reflect on what had happened so far. You apologized for intruding and for coming in so hot, turning to make your way out of the apartment. While you still weren’t sure why, exactly, Jisung was upset to the point of not speaking to you… You understood at least a little more. It felt like everyone knew something that you didn’t, although the answer felt just outside of your reach. How much of it was you not knowing, though, and how much of it was you not letting yourself know? You weren’t sure. 

Hyunjin called your name before you left, hesitating before he met your gaze. “I think… I think you should talk to Jisung.” He frowned. “I’m still upset with you because of Felix, but… It’s weird that you two aren’t talking at all. So…” He made his way over, opening the door to leave with you. “Talk to Jisung soon.”

You would. Regardless of how you came out on the other end, you would talk to him no matter what it took.

Jisung had his favorite studio on the music floor of the arts building. He’d penciled in his time slot at the beginning of the week, and let himself in with the code. This room was the furthest from the entrance, and it had the most comfortable chair to settle in and work in. It was always a fight to get this room, and Jisung was good at quietly stealing a few time slots for himself. He shoved his bag underneath the table, and he put himself to work. He’d need to re-record the piano track for one piece, record the guitar accompaniment for another piece he’d been working on… And plenty more that was always best suited for working here rather than home. Using digital instruments only took him so far—there was something calming about sitting down and playing a piece himself. 

It wasn’t until he was playing a piece back that he heard the door click unlocked behind him. When he looked up, there you were. You looked tired. Far more tired than he did most days. What had happened to you? 

“Hey.” You stood in the open doorway. Non-music students weren’t allowed in here, but that had never stopped you. Someone had to drag him back home when it was getting too late, after all.

He ran a hand through his hair, hoping that he looked casual enough. “Hey.”

“Everything okay?” The door slowly fell shut behind you, and you stepped a little closer to him. “It’s been a while.” 

Three weeks, but who’s counting? Jisung was. He kept counting day by day, hour by hour, trying to whittle down the time further and further until he was strong enough to face you again. “I’ve been busy,” he half-lied. “That’s all.”

“Is it?” You frowned, making your way over to the nearby chair. “If you want me to leave, you can tell me, okay? I’m worried about you.” 

Jisung let out a sigh, nodding. “I’m okay. Just…” He looked at the piece he’d been working on, and thought back to the song he’d been writing for you. “I’ve been working on a song sometimes. But…” He looked at you. Maybe you’d have the answer he was still searching for. “What would you do if you loved someone you shouldn’t?”

“Like… forbidden love?” You tilted your head curiously, frowning. “Or…?”

He chuckled, actually smiling again for the first time in a while. Oh, how he was still so endeared to you. No wonder you were still in your literature program with cute thoughts like those. “Just someone you can’t be with. Like…” He hummed to himself. It would be another lie, but it’d throw you off his trail if you were starting to figure him out. “A friend’s partner.” 

He could see the way you started to think on that, no doubt making a list of all the friends the two of you had that were dating. It’d vex your brain for a bit, sure, but Jisung didn’t mind. He liked the cute way your brows drew together when you were thinking hard, lips always pressing into this pout. 

“That’s what my song is about is all,” he said. “I haven’t experienced it myself,” he lied again, “but I was thinking about it and I wondered what kind of song that would turn into. It’s about someone who’s in love with their friend’s partner, and struggling with those feelings. Like… They wouldn’t do anything to hurt their friend, but they still can’t  help their feelings.”

You said nothing to him. Had he said too much? You were figuring him out, weren’t you…?

“I just think it’s hard to live that life,” he said. Every time he even thought about you, there was an ache in his chest. Felix liked you, too. “I mean… Imagine loving someone so much that it hurts.” 

“I can, yeah.” Your voice had gone a little quieter than usual. Right. Had you felt that way about Felix…? Or were you talking about him now? Jisung struggled more with that one, even though Hyunjin was so confident that Jisung’s feelings had never been one-sided. 

He met your gaze a minute later, shy to look into your eyes again. He’d always loved the color of your eyes. If he could write songs about how he wanted to drown in their warm, loving gaze, he would. But that was straying a little too far into territory he’d sworn away from. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I wanted time to figure things out, but… I think Minho would tell you I haven’t talked to most people lately.”

You nodded. “Chris said the three of you went out to a noraebang.” Your toes tapped against the floor in that nervous way, as though this was a topic you shouldn’t even come close to. “Did that help?”

Wait… You weren’t mad at him for that. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“No?” You toyed with your sleeve, not quite meeting his gaze this time. “I mean… It did sting a little bit, but if you needed Chris and Minho, then I can’t change that. All I can do is just kinda hope that they helped you.”

He didn’t deserve you. Fuck the music for now, he’d finished what he really needed to do. He began to shut down the equipment, gathering his things as he stood up, facing you. “I’ll buy dessert,” he said. “Is that okay?”

it was your turn to smile at him, lighting up his world all too easily. You followed him out of the studio, and he secured the door shut to make sure it was locked. For a moment, his hand brushed against your own, and he yearned to hold it. Another feeling he would have to get used to, he was sure. But all he could do was smile at you, thankful that you were right there by his side for the first time in weeks. 

This would be hard, but he could do it. He wasn’t going to lose you again. Not if he had anything to do with it.

Hyunjin had shown up to his apartment for once, and he stood in the doorway to his bedroom. “Jisung. Tell them.” His hand curled around the strap of his bag, clutching it tight. “Soon.” 

Minho had told him the same thing ever since the two of you started talking again. If Jisung didn’t want to pursue you, then it was time he learned to let you go. And if he did want to become something with you, then he needed to talk to you. It wasn’t fair to either of you if he held onto this dream of loving you without ever trying. If Jisung couldn’t let himself do it, then why keep hurting himself by holding onto it so tightly? Why not find a new dream to pursue, a new person to love wholeheartedly? Yet Jisung couldn’t imagine a world where he wasn’t loving you in some way. Part of his heart would live and die with you one day, no matter how far away he went. This was his fate now.

“I just got our friendship back,” he said without looking up again. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Jisung, they like you.” Hyunjin said it outright. “So you need to tell them.”

Jisung looked up. He knew you liked him. But would he ever let himself fully believe it? It felt… harder to grasp that reality. He’d spent so long telling himself that it was all in his head, that the tender look in your eyes was just you caring for him as a best friend. But Hyunjin was right. Minho had been right. Everyone who had ever told him to just go for it was right. “Hyunjin, I don’t know if I can—”

“I’m tired of watching my friends hurt,” he said. “All of us see it. Why can’t you?”

Jisung swallowed hard. “What about Felix?”

Hyunjin averted his gaze, frowning. “Felix…” He took a deep breath. “Felix would want you to be happy, Jisung. He knows, too, you know.” He took a step back. “I’m not going to push you. But you should tell them.”

He said nothing else, and soon Hyunjin left him there. Jisung shut the world out again, listening to his song as it played back to him again. One step closer. Once he finished this song, everything would be okay.

Chris Bang had always been your best friend growing up before Jisung took that title away from him. He was an older brother to you in every way except blood, and that meant he was the one who would have the hard talks with you. He’d come home with your favorite takeout in hand, setting it on the dinner table before saying he’d change out of his work clothes quickly. But you knew what was coming. There were only two reasons that Chris would buy your favorite takeout on his way home from work. You weren’t upset, which meant it was time for an adult conversation. One that you wouldn’t want to have, but needed to. Soon enough, Chris had sat across from you, having poured your drink first. 

“So I think we should talk about how you’re in love with Jisung,” Chris said as he set down the bottle. “Okay?”

You stared at him, already feeling tears well up. Everyone knew, then. If Chris knew, then there was no way the others hadn’t figured it out. “Chris…”

“It’s okay.” He took your hand in his own. It was time for the two of you to dump your feelings onto the table and sort them out right then and there together. “Let’s talk about this, okay? No more running away.”

No more running away. You breathed in deep, and slowly exhaled. Where to begin…? You weren’t sure. So much of your life had become this huge mess over the past few months, and now all those strings were tangled so tightly together that you weren’t sure you could undo the knot.

So Chris squeezed your hand before letting go, turning his attention to the bag of takeout in front of you. “I know you,” he said. “So I know you didn’t want to hurt Felix, and I know that you still don’t. But… I think it’s time you put your feelings first for once.”

“Chris…” You frowned. “It feels too soon.”

“I kinda hate saying it, but we all know now. Felix included.” He set your plate in front of you, and didn’t touch his own. All he did was watch you, waiting for you to say or do anything further. When you didn’t, he decided to continue on, “You can’t tell me that you don’t want to act now because of Felix. I asked everyone and they all said the same thing: they thought you’d liked Jisung for a while before you and Felix dated. After that, they all thought that you two were just that close.”

“We are.” 

Chris shook his head, saying your name gently this time. “You know Jisung loves you, right?”

There was a spike of pain in your chest. Not because you didn’t, but because you did. Hyunjin had all but spelled it out for you before, but seeing Jisung again that day proved it. You’d always thought you were just believing in something that wasn’t there, too afraid to toe the line between friend and more. Tears lined your eyes now, and finally ran down your cheeks as you blinked. All you could do was nod now. 

Chris already reached up to wipe away your tears. “It’s okay!” He chuckled. “You’ve gotten so soft,” he teased. “But… Why did you never tell him?”

“I was scared.” You still were, to be fair. “I didn’t know for sure before, and… Now I just don’t want to hurt Felix. I don’t think Jisung does, either.”

His gaze softened so much. Of course the two of you were still thinking of Felix. Minho had said the same thing to Chris, actually. “Felix wants you to be happy,” he said. “All of us do. If that means being with Jisung, then that’s what you should do. Felix is an adult, you know. He might be more sensitive sometimes, but he’d never hold any of this against you.” He cupped your cheek gently. “And I really, really don’t think he’d want to be the reason you two never tried.”

You could believe that easily. If Felix knew, he’d feel guilty. That you knew as fact.

“And if I’m being honest… I don’t think he’s the only reason you haven’t tried.” He pulled his hand away from your face. “So… Talk to me. What’s really stopping you?”

No running away. “What if this doesn't work out and I lose Jisung for good?”

“There’s no guarantee that will happen,” Chris said. 

“There’s no guarantee we’ll work out, either.” You frowned. “I’ve heard horror stories of friends who tried to date and it ruined everything.”

“And there’s friends who managed to go back to being friends,” Chris said. “I really think that you two wouldn’t let it tear you apart. You’ve already been through so much, you know?” 

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. The last thing you ever wanted was to lose Jisung again. If the two of you didn’t work out, how hard would you fight for him? Would he fight for you, too…?

“The most you’ll ever have to do is get space from each other,” Chris said. “But I think you’d come back to each other.”

“I think he’s my soulmate.” You hadn’t thought before you said it, the words bursting out of you all too easily. Regardless of whether that was platonically or romantically, Jisung was someone you wanted to keep in your life forever. “But…”

“But?”

“Isn’t it too soon?” You frowned at Chris. “I mean… Felix and I—”

“If you don’t go for it now, when will you?” Chris held your hand again. “If you aren’t ready to tell him, I won’t push you to do it. Just because you confess doesn’t mean you have to rush into a relationship—it just means you’re finally being honest with each other. Go at your own pace… But don’t hold back because of everyone else, okay?” He squeezed your hand reassuringly. “The only people in this relationship would be you and Jisung. So don’t include anyone else in this decision, okay?”

With a nod, you decided to commit to giving yourself three days. One day to make up your mind for sure on whether this was the right move to make. If you were going to confess to Jisung, then you wanted to do it sooner rather than later. The second day was to figure out how you were going to tell him. Over cheesecake, or in through a song, or in the park… You still had to figure that part out, and you would. It needed to be special. 

And the third day was going to be the day you told him.

On the rooftop of Jisung’s apartment was a community garden. It brought a little greenery into the city, and it was nice to see the plants that several people often tended to— fresh herbs that Minho would sometimes pick with permission to use when he cooked, a few tomato plants that he often saw people tending to, Things that he didn’t fully understand the care of himself, but he still appreciated the efforts put into it. It was a nice space to sit and think alone sometimes, most of his friends unaware of just how often he’d come up here. He could see so much of the city here, too. He was just one person in this great big city—in the world, even, if he let his mind wander that far. And yet he’d found significance through the people he loved, in the passions he pursued. 

He’d finished his song for you late last night, and now he was left with this hollow feeling. He’d told himself over and over that this song would be it: one last thing he’d dedicate to you, and then he’d move on. But… That wasn’t how it was going to work at all. Han Jisung knew a few things now. He loved you. You loved him. The only question he had left was how to tell you.

Maybe he should have written you a love song instead. Then he’d have something, at least.

He’d brought a drink out here with him, settling at the picnic table. He used to bring you up here sometimes, stealing away from the world for a while to just exist with you. You’d share drinks together, and a few times you’d ended up rained on. Now, he just lost himself to the playlist he’d been listening to, head bobbing along to the music. He could bring you here and confess to you at sunset. Would that be romantic? He didn’t care for it being a grand gesture, as long as it was something memorable. All he wanted was a gesture that told you that he was sorry but ready to face tomorrow at your side, if you would let him be there. 

The door to the rooftop had this awful screech that he could hear through his headphones. He opened his eyes, reaching to pull them around his neck and politely greet whoever had come up here. And it was as if you’d heard his thoughts, because there you stood in the golden rays of the day. 

“Hey.” The door had slowly swung shut behind you as you made your way over to him.

He shyly smiled at you. “Hi.” Now it was his turn to ask: “Is everything okay?”

You nodded, coming to the edge of the table. “I think we should talk about us.”

“Us?” His heart almost skipped a beat at that. Did you…? 

Oh. You knew. 

“It’s nothing bad,” you had said to him, as if it could put him at ease now. “But…” You rounded the table, throwing one leg over the bench he’d been sitting on. Instead of sitting normally, you chose to straddle it, just so you could fully face him.

So he matched you, throwing one leg out and turning to fully face you. “But?”

“I’m in love with you,” you said, voice wavering ever so slightly now. “And… And you’re in love with me.” You’d begun to drum your knuckles against the wooden bench. “And… And I don’t know why neither of us said anything sooner.”

Jisung stared at you, face growing warmer. His gut instinct was to deny it, to push his feelings away. But Hyunjin’s words rang out in his head: he was tired of seeing his friends hurt. Everyone was now.

“I really wanna be honest with you, so…” You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes for just a moment to center yourself. “Hyunjin thought I was using Felix to get over you, and… I just wanted to say that I promise I wasn’t. I really did like Felix, but…”

“I didn’t think you were,” Jisung’s voice was soft, and he reached for your hands. His fingertips grazed your knuckles before he pulled his hands away. Was touching you, even in such a tiny way, too much? “I knew you liked him.”

You nodded slowly. “Good. Because…” You’d grown flustered, averting your gaze. “I.. didn’t know that it’d always be you until I kissed him.”

That time, the world seemed to stop around him. It’d… always be him? “What?” His fingers curled around the edge of the bench. “I don’t understand. What do you—” 

A moment later, your eyes met his own. “I think I’ve been looking for you in every person I’ve tried dating, and that’s why it’s never worked out.” He’d already begun to melt, but you continued on, “If you didn’t love me back, then I think maybe one day I would have moved on. But… If you don’t, then tell me, and we can pretend this conversation never happened.”

He shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to pretend he didn’t love you. Yet something ached in his chest. Felix. Even now, all he could think about was how Felix would hurt once he knew the two of you were something. “I… I want to,” he said, voice softer now. “But what about Felix?”

“Would you hesitate if Felix didn’t like me?”

He shook his head. Never. He swallowed hard, his emotions building in his chest. He’d dreamed of a day like this for so long, always pining over you night after night. He dreamed of kissing you, warm and tender, and saying all the pretty things that came to mind. And now that you were in front of him, he couldn’t help but glance at your lips again. Not yet. “I…” He paused, just to gather himself together. “I didn’t think you’d love me, you know.”

You frowned at him. “Why not?”

“You’re you,” he said. “And… And I wasn’t sure if you’d ever like me like that. I’ve always known you liked me, but love is… different.” The paint chips from the bench were flaking onto his fingers now, the same shade of red as your sweater. As his, too. “I know Felix is hurting now, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I thought it would, but…”

“I get it.” You nodded slowly. “I… I also kinda thought things would change. But if everyone wants us to be happy, then I think we’re the only people standing in our way.” 

He didn’t want to. Not anymore. Jisung reached forward, this time keeping his hands over your own. “I think we should stop that,” he said, voice growing quieter. His eyes had grown wetter, tears brimming the edges, and reached up to wipe them away. “Sorry—I’m getting emotional.”

“It’s okay.” You scooted forward a little, and Jisung felt his heart begin to race. You were so close he could kiss you. He wanted to kiss you. You reached up, caressing Jisung’s face. He already leaned into your touch, eyes fluttering shut for a moment as he savored the feeling. Your hands were so warm, even now. “I think I’ll always love Felix the way I love the rest of our friends. But… I love you more, Jisung. I know it’s early to say it, but… I really think it’s you.”

He opened his eyes, taking in the way the golden rays of the sun were kissing your face. Was it wrong to be a little jealous? Again, his eyes flickered down to your lips for just a second. “Can I kiss you?”

You said the only word he needed, and he leaned in to close the space between the two of you. His nose had brushed against yours for a moment, already smiling before his lips met your own. Your lips were so soft, and his hands found a home at your waist after a moment. He’d always wondered what kissing you would be like, and now it felt as though he’d finally woken up from the longest dream in his life. His eyes fluttered shut as he lost himself in this moment with you.

He’d heard stories before of what it was like to kiss someone after so much pining, after so many trials in the way. People talked of having their breath stolen from them, or being unable to breathe from how surreal it all seemed to be. Yet when he kissed you, it was as though he could finally breathe again. He had resurfaced after drowning in so much self doubt and fear for far too long, and kissing you was living. Yet he knew that if he was given the choice to drown in you, he would have done it without a second thought. As much as you’d given him life with only a kiss, filling his lungs with air, he’d follow your siren song to the depths of the ocean all too eagerly if it meant he could taste this feeling once more. You ran a hand through his hair, and he was already intoxicated by you, his body yearning for your touch more than ever before. Yet when he pulled away, something had plucked his heartstrings one by one. He let out that broken, stuttered breath that always served as a precursor for him crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gazed at you, trying to commit every part of this moment to memory. 

“Jisung?” You were concerned for him even after kissing him, and he wanted to laugh. To cry. To kiss you again. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, his hands finding your own all too easily. “I love you, too.” He’d always love you. Whatever part of his heart you had, it was yours to keep regardless of where this went. “I think it’s you for me, too.” 

By the time the two of you had made it back inside, the sun had set, and Jisung had held onto your hand tightly the entire way to his apartment. He’d given up his bed for you in the past already, he’d happily do it again to make sure you had a proper night of sleep. Maybe one day he would fall asleep next to you and memorize every line and blemish on your face, but not tonight. Kissing you and saying those three little words he’d always wanted to hear you say was plenty for one day. Yet he’d kissed you one last time as he left you at his bedroom door, just to kiss you goodnight.

“Jisung?” You’d called to him as he made his way to the couch, and he’d turned to face you one more time. “Dream of me.”

Oh. Oh. His heart had skipped a beat yet again at you. This was his new reality, wasn’t it? He found himself smiling at you, that same shy, pretty smile you’d later tell him you always wanted to kiss. He’d dream of you every night if it meant he could wake up to you, too. Tonight would be the end of strife and stress and strain from not telling you how he felt. Now he had to make up for so much lost time.

And if that meant that, starting tomorrow, he would tell you exactly what you meant to him, then he’d do it. That was what you deserved, after all, and what he did, too.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny @jinnie-ret @cheesemonky

#wooahaes.fic #skz imagines #han jisung x reader #han jisung x you #stray kids angst #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #skz x you #stray kids imagine #skz fics #stray kids fics #han x reader #han x you #skz angst

[demiesworld]

THE OTHER WOMAN

☆ pairings: toji fushiguro x fem!reader, toji fushiguro x wife!oc

☆ characters: fem!reader, toji fushiguro, toji's wife, shiu kong, megumi fushiguro (mentioned), & tsumiki fushiguro (mentioned)

☆ synopsis: continuation of toji's part in this post.

☆ genre: angst, slice-of-life, hurt & no comfort

☆ contents: adultery, cheating, manipulation, black-mailing, swearing, baby-trapping, pregnancy, brief sex scene (between toji and his wife), mention of abortion, idk what else to add

☆ notes: reader is a female and uses she/her pronouns. reader is toxic and has manipulative ways in this, but toji is just as toxic as she is. toji's wife name is not mentioned, although she is to be described as being toji's second wife and the biological mother to tsumiki and step-mother to megumi.

ever since you stopped taking your birth control two weeks ago, you have been waiting for a sign that you were pregnant with toji's child. you were waiting to see if the morning sickness would show, your period to miss or at the least weight gain. but each time you check a pregnancy test for positive result it doesn't show. you even went to your gynecologist to see if you could conceive and you could! but why weren't these pregnancy tests showing positives when you and toji fucked like animals all the time?

you got your answer when you googled ways to increase chances of pregnancy. you will get better odds by having sex before your ovulation and after. you did some further research into it and came to the solution that you needed to try to have sex with toji during your fertility window. and after marking it on your calendar at home, you had made your plan and you were ready to have it set in motion.

by the time your window came you were the one pursuing toji into having sex with you. not him. the first time he got surprised by you pulling him out of a debriefing with his assistant shiu. shiu, who didn't bat an eye when you did. toji followed you into that janitor's closet and fucked you in there. when he came inside of you, you had to contain the joy that you were feeling within.

so after a few rendezvous with toji at work or at your place, you got the first major sign: you missed your period. you woke up that morning with nausea, but you didn't let that stop you from going into your bathroom and taking out a pregnancy test. you went to vomit after you've urinated onto the stick and left it on the counter to sit. once the test was done, you picked it up and you couldn't contain the excitement any longer.

a loud ecstatic scream left from your lungs and you were jumping for joy.

the test read: positive.

you were pregnant. pregnant with toji's child. you leaned against the wall in your bathroom and started crying. it was a blessing to be pregnant, and maybe with this child toji would want to leave that woman for you. after all toji did tell you he was getting tired of her. he told you that she wasn't satisfying him like how you did. he confessed that he only married her because her title as the daughter of a wealthy man.

the last part you didn't understand since toji already had tons of money before he met her. you didn't wonder about it too much since you guessed that toji could possibly outdo the man when it came to money.

you went to work the very next day expecting to have a chat with toji. shiu's desk was right outside of toji's office and he was sitting at it clicking away at his computer when he saw you walking towards the double doors. he got up from his chair in a flash blocking you away from the doors.

"what the fuck shiu? move out of the way."

"toji said he can't be bothered with right now he is in a meeting."

"so what?" you step to the side to grab the door handle but he blocked your path again. you were becoming annoyed so you shouted, "get out of my way shiu!"

he figured you ought to find out the hard way. shiu stepped to the side and sat at his desk allowing for you to grab the door handle. when you pushed it open your heart had shattered and you didn't expect to see this. no you didn't expect to see this at all.

toji on top of his wife, pummeling his thick cock into her pussy on top of his desk. her back was facing you, and she couldn't see your face. though toji could. he saw the mortified expression you had and his reaction was just callous. he simply acted like you weren't there, maintaining eye contact with you as he grunted into his wife's ear.

"you feel so fucking good honey."

"ahh, t-tojiii,"

you swore you could have fainted right then and there. why was this happening? why was he with her? toji told you he didn't want her so why was she getting railed by a cock that injected its sperm into you?

your mind broke. without thinking you had slammed the door shut and stood there unmoving. you were shaking. you felt sick and not just from the pregnancy.

he was with her.

"y/n,"

he was with her.

"y/n,"

he was with her.

"y/n!"

...

you turn to look at shiu standing in front of you. he had this sorrowful expression on his face. like he didn't want for you to find out about it. you let go of the door handle, and your body felt as if it was heavy as you stride to the nearest restroom. you slammed the door open with a strong push and staggered into a vacant stall. in there you vomited everything into the toilet. and you cried. you sobbed. you wailed.

you place a hand on your stomach. would it even be worth it? would it make a change for you?

you sniffle. you squeeze onto your stomach tighter and purse your lips into a straight line. it would be worth it and it would make a change. you didn't just do all of this for nothing. not to be slapped in the face with what you just witnessed. you weren't going to let that stop you.

you return to your desk after cleaning yourself up shortly after toji's wife walked out next to her husband. you watch with a sour expression as the hand that would hold your legs up was resting on her ass. her brown eyes looking up at him with her ruby red lips smiling so "angelically" at him. as they stood in front of the elevator toji had the nerve to kiss her right in front of you. her lipstick staining his lips just like it did with the white collar on his shirt. when the elevator doors opened she entered the shaft and waves good-bye at him.

you wished the damned elevator would fail.

"hey,"

a familiar voice brings you out of your trance and you look up to see none other than toji. you huff and turn your face away from him.

he places his fingers underneath your chin and you slap his hand away. "dont touch me." you murmur. toji tries to do it again and you slap it harder. "i said dont touch me!"

toji pulls his hand away and tucks both hands into his pockets. you couldn't be around him right now so you gather up your belongings. your purse, your thermos, and your car keys. as you were about to leave he grabbed you by the arm.

"just where in the hell are you going?"

"away from you. im taking the day off."

"im not paying you for-"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU PAY ME OR NOT!"

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE RAISING YOUR VOICE AT?!"

"YOU! YOU'RE A FUCKING LIA-"

you were about to call him a liar but you cut yourself off. you inhale sharply, you became teary-eyed and your heart beat increasing as you felt yourself getting agitated. you yank your arm away from toji and storm out of the office.

toji watches as you leave to go to the stairwell. he knew he made you pissed if you were using the stairwell just to get away from him and not the elevator. not like it was his plan to get you to catch him having sex with his wife. you walked in at the wrong time. he didn't think he did anything to slight you.

toji sighs heavily and leans his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose, "did you at least try to stop her shiu?"

"you know i did toji."

"damn it." he spat. "if i don't have one problem with one then i have it with the other."

shiu reclines back in his chair, putting his arms behind his head, "well, what do you think you're gonna do toji?" toji scowls, and shiu adds, "you can't please them both. someone has to go."

he hates to admit it, but shiu is right. one of you has to go. the thing is toji is stuck on who exactly he should cut ties with.

the next day you showed up to work, after your explosion you had with toji. you had wanted to apologize for your behavior to toji and talk with him in private about your pregnancy. however toji was avoiding you. you asked him if you two could sit alone and chat. he blatantly told you not today. you offered him to go out to lunch with you and he said no. before work ended you tried to seduce him into another round of sex in the closet, expecting him to follow you like a lost puppy. he declined.

something was changing.

it just wasn't the change you wanted.

"why doesn't he want to talk to me?"

you pace around your living room.

"was it because i yelled at him?"

you looked at your reflection in the mirror.

"was it because i caught him?"

you lay in your bed staring up at the ceiling.

"is it because of her?"

riiiiing.

riiiiing.

riiiiing.

shiu was cooking dinner when his phone was ringing on the kitchen counter. he lowered the heat of the pot on the stove before he cleaned his hands off on a towel. he goes over to his phone, picking it up to see your number calling him. he furrows his brows. what were you doing calling him?

his thumb slid the green button and he held the device up to his ear. "hello?"

"shiu. i need a favor to ask from you."

he sighs and leans against the counter. "what is it that you want y/n?"

"toji's address."

shiu went silent.

"shiu? shiu are you there?"

"i can't give you that information y/n. toji told me not to give out his address."

you let out a derisive laugh. "i knew you would say that shiu. ahh... you're so funny. i like a comedian, but do you know what else i find funny. the fact that you are a fucking crook."

"excuse me?"

"you heard me. you are a crook kong siwoo. i could have your ass reported to the authorities right now with all the dirt i have on you."

shiu scoffs. he thinks you're bluffing. you must be because what on earth could you possibly have on him that will make-

"a deposit of $12,000 made to account number XXX. a handwritten check by... oh! toji fushiguro? wowwww i never would have known toji would write you a check for 12k shiu."

shiu heart plummets.

"let's see here, oh another deposit except this time it is for $50,000. huh i guess you must have gambled it all away at the casino huh?"

he swallows.

"and what else do we got? ohoho. this one right here is so damn juicy-"

"stop."

"years and years of unpaid taxes. kong siwoo you owe... oh my god. the amount here almost looks like a phone number."

shiu growls into the phone's receiver. "i said stop it."

"$1,364,781.29... whewww... where did it all go?"

"i said stop!"

you went quiet on your end. shiu could feel his hands becoming clammy as he knew that he was now your slave. he had to do your bidding. you knew too much. how did you find out about his schemes, he didn't know, but he knew that if he fucked up it would be the end for him.

he was breathing heavily as to not get himself riled up. suddenly your voice spoke in a flat tone, "the address shiu."

if he gave you toji's address then toji would know it was him that gave it to you. his boss wouldn't be able to trust him with anything again. but... his freedom and reputation was more valuable than keeping a promise.

once you got the address from shiu you said, "im not a cruel person shiu. im not. but when you withold information from me you are bound to just become collateral damage."

click.

shiu drops his phone on the ground and falls to his knees on the kitchen floor. he places his head on the ground and prays.

what had he done?

a grand house with dazzling bright lights stood before you. a three car garage with a round drive way encircling a spouting water fountain in its center. you park your car in the driveway and exit the vehicle holding the gift box in your hand. you could see the lights were on inside of the house. the porch light was on as well. you walked up the short staircase to the door and rang the doorbell.

ding-dong.

"toji honey could you go answer that?"

"yes honey!"

you curled your lip when you heard that through the door. though you fixed your face when toji opened it and appeared in the threshold. seeing you at his doorstep was the last thing he wanted. you were not, you were never supposed to be at his house. he froze up.

how in the fuck did you get his address?

"why are you here?"

you frown at his question and then smiled sheepishly. "i thought you would be happy to see me."

toji grumbled, "happy? y/n have you lost your fucking mind? you show up to my house, i don't even know how you got my address, and you expect me to be happy to see you?"

"toji listen. i want to-"

"what do you want?"

you falter on your words to him when he responded to you so dismissively. he was talking to you like you were a stranger on the street. not some woman he's been sleeping around with for several months. taking them on trips, frequently having sex with them and filling their head up with nothing but out of reach dreams.

in your hand you held the gift box. you handed it to him. toji took it from you, a confused expression on his face, until you told him to open it. which he did. he pulled off the lid and saw a positive pregnancy test in a velvet bed in the small gift box.

a positive pregnancy test.

you had a positive pregnancy test.

you were pregnant.

on your face was a wide cheerful smile however toji's was unreadable. it didn't show anything. it was emotionless. he was just staring blankly at the pregnancy test in his hand.

"isn't this great toji? you and i, we can-"

"get rid of it."

you pause. "w-what?"

"i said get rid of it."

you shook your head at him and you could feel a pain throbbing in your chest. "no... no i-im not getting rid of our child-"

"how do you know if it is mine?"

was he really? you had a look of disbelief on your face. did he just say that he wasn't the father of your child? he was the only man you slept with! you weren't a whore!

"honey, i need your help putting the kids to sleep." toji's wife called out from behind. thankfully she couldn't see you due to toji's tall and bulky figure. "megumi wants you to read him a story and i have to finish tsumiki's bath."

your eyes widen.

did she just say kids?

toji replied, "i will be right there honey. i gotta take a quick smoke." he walks out the door and shuts it behind him. gently he guides you to your car the pregnancy test he handed it back to you. "you have to go now y/n."

"t-toji no. n-no toji you are not doing this to me. no! no! you can't do this to me! you can't!" you wailed as he opened your car door and gestured for you to get in. you shake your head. "im not leaving! you-you can't make me leave!"

suddenly toji jumps at you and grabs you by your shoulders. he shakes you as he snapped, "listen to me and listen to me right now. this thing we have between us it's done. we're done. tomorrow morning i want for you to grab your shit out of my company and i want for you to leave. i already have a wife and two kids. i don't need another one floating around especially with you." he shoves you into your driver's seat after he utters, "i will send you the money to get rid of it in the mail. don't ever show up to my house like this again y/n. from this day on, i want for you to act like i never existed." he slams your driver's door shut.

toji walks up the stairs of his family's home. the last thing you see is toji's back before he shuts the door and the outside lights are turned off. you're left sitting in your car in his driveway feeling hopeless.

damn it. something told him he shouldn't have gotten involved with you. you were doing fine at first in the fling. toji didn't really care too much about your attitude when it came to his wife showing up at his office sometimes. though when you started changing up by becoming moody he should have known you changed. that little explosion you had with him showed that something wasn't right. and he found out in the worst way.

he didn't believe you were pregnant with his child. and even if you were toji didn't need to be the father to a third child. he didn't, he just couldn't. that would look bad on him. toji fushiguro had a baby with his secretary despite being lawfully married to the daughter of the best district attorney? the news would be making headlines all around the world.

your pregnancy would tarnish his company's reputation. it would ruin his second marriage. it would make his children disappointed in him. so many bad things could happen.

toji had to let you go. he had to when his wife discovered the claw marks that he told you not to fucking leave on his back. you almost got him into a world of shit had he not convinced his wife to stay with him. if she went to her father and told him about what toji did, toji would be dead. a district attorney could easily make a big name like toji fushiguro vanish.

"honey megumi is waiting for you to read him a book."

toji turns his attention to his wife and sweetly smiles at her. he walks up to her, kisses the side of her head, prior to going up the staircase to go read his son a book to sleep.

...

nine to ten months later you give birth.

it's a healthy baby boy.

he's so beautiful. he looked just like him. the tuft of dark hair and a birthmark on the side of his lip. identical to the scar his father had.

"have you decided on what to name him miss?" the nurse asks you.

you look down at your newborn son. your thumb caressing his cheek and you smile lovingly at him.

"i want to name him unmei."

the nurse looks at you worriedly. "um, ma'am that name... it is."

"i know what it means. i want to name him that. his name will be unmei y/l/n."

they hand you the birth certificate and you write his legal name on the document. you hand it back to the nurse and they leave to go enter it into the database. you're left alone with your son. you gently rock him, noticing how quiet he is despite being a newborn.

"you're a beautiful boy. you are going to be a strong boy. i just know it."

you will be fine. your son will be fine. you didn't need toji.

if toji can have his blessing then you can have his curse.

demie: MY GOD. THIS WAS THE MOST DARK, MOST SAD, MOST LIKE....IDK WHAT SHIT I WROTE EVER IN MY LIFE. pls let me know what you thought of this in the comments!!!

#toji x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #toji x y/n #toji fushiguro x y/n #toji fushiguro smut #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk toji #jjk toji fushiguro #toji fushiguro

[jaykaysthicthighs]

End Of The Love Story | JJK

banner by @archivededits via @archivedkookie <3

excerpt | you fell in love with the new kid in class. the love blossomed to something so beautiful and yet so destroying. you destroyed him. years later and you both finally crossed paths. will there ever be a chance for that love to grow again?

genre | major angst, slight smut, minor fluff

pairing | jeon jungkook x fem!reader

warnings | bartender!jungkook, rich!reader, flashbacks between past and present, arranged marriage, strong language, emotional breakdowns, smoking, short descriptive smut, reader & jungkook hurting a lot, bittersweet ending

wc | 12k +

notes | the story is unedited, but hopefully there isn't grammar mistakes

Eight years ago (the first meeting)

You watched as the small timid boy make his way next to you. When he fully sat down, you finally took a good look at him. He was beautiful. From his big doe eyes to his well-sculpted chin. He had a long nose, but kissable; lips that pout when not intended, pink and soft. He has a mole under his lips, a scar on his cheek, and his skin was -

"I'm sorry, is there something on my face?" The boy interrupted your train of thought. You blurted out, "No. I'm sorry, that I was staring at you. Didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." The boy notices a tinge of red surfacing your cheeks. At that moment, embarrassment made a home in you. The boy reassured you that it was okay. He wondered about your name, “My name’s Jungkook. You?” With your cheeks still red, you answered, “____.” The boy smiled warmly at you, “____, that’s a pretty name.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the sudden action. You faced forward trying to redirect your attention to the teacher, but all you could think of was the smile the boy displayed; the dimples making their debut, and its bunny-like appearance.

Present

You were finally free. Free of this marriage that has been brought upon you. Just an hour or so ago you were Mrs. Boyce, now you're not. You have been waiting for this moment for so long, and it's finally done.

You were making your way to your car when someone pulled you aside. You came face to face with your ex-husband. "Mason, what's wrong?" The man let go of your arm and hugged you. He quietly murmured, "Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to hug you one last time before I go." Even though you despised this marriage, you never hated Mason, actually, he was your rock. All those nights, days, and moments you had wanting him, missing him, needing him, Mason was always there comforting you. Just like you, Mason hated this marriage.

You hugged Mason for the last time. Tears started welling up, and you sniffled to him, "Thank you so much, Mason. For being there for me when I had no one." He gave you a big squeeze for your welcome. A few seconds later, the hug ended. Mason placed his hands between your chilled face and expressed, "I'll always be there for you, ____. Not physically, but.... spiritually?" You had your head leaned back laughing at his confusion. "Please, don't be afraid to give me a call." You shook your head and gave him your response, "I won't. Be safe, Mason." Your ex-husband gave you his infamous grin. "Will do."

You're here in a club called Jessamine with your best friend Becky. She wanted to celebrate your freedom by trying to get you laid, and part of that plan was going to a club. She dressed you up in skimpy lingerie that could pass as a dress. The outfit barely covers your ass; one wrong move and you can flash the whole club. If it was your choice, a nice knee-high bodycon dress would be great, but things never work out in your favor.

About 30 minutes into dancing and all you wanted right now was a cold hard drink. You turned to Becky shouting your departure, "Beck, I'm gonna go get a drink!" Still dancing she gave you a thumbs up. "Try finding a hot man to fuck, babe!" You laughed sarcastically, "Yeah, sure."

This club was jammed packed, with no room for movement. You pushed and shoved your way through the crowd until you finally reached the bar. You sat between a woman who looked like she was in her 40s and the other who was accompanied by a man, probably a couple. A bartender came up to you; his figure was tall but lean, had a goatee, and green eyes. He was quite handsome to you.

The bartender plopped his hands on the ledge of the counter and inquired, "Is there anything I can get you, ma'am?" You gasped; you placed your hand to your heart, "Ma'am? Do I look old?" The man before you chuckled, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't want to address you something that you might not like.... like pretty lady." You smile at the man and asked for his name. "Carter," he replied.

"Well Carter, I would like a Vodka Gimlet - if that's possible." The bartender straightened himself up and responded, "Don't worry it is." You smiled and watched the man get to work. A few moments later the bartender offered you your drink. "Thank you, Carter."

He gave you a nod and did a light slap on the counter. "Well, I'm gonna go on my break. If you need anything," the man pointed at the other bartender a few chairs away, "Teo, would be able to help you." You gave the man a thumbs up and said, "Okay. Thank you again, Carter." You watch the man make his way to the back door.

He swung the door open, startling two people. "What the fuck, Carter! I'm doing something here." Carter leaned against the brick wall and dug in his pocket and took out a cigarette. "Yeah, I can see that. Now do you have a light?" The man beside him groaned, "I hate you sometimes." He pushed the girl off of him signing her to go back inside. The man reached inside his back pocket and lit Carter's cigarette.

Carter inhaled the stick and let out a puff of smoke. He dropped his hand down and asked, "Who's the chick?" The man shrugged, "Don't know. Just grabbed the nearest girl and dragged her out here." A moment of silence was taken, the only sound heard was the busy streets at the front of the club.

The man pushed himself off the wall and made his way to the door, but before he had the chance to go back inside, Carter intervened, "Ah Jay, there's this hot chick at the bar. I don't know if she's taken or not, but she is by herself. Kind of thought you when I saw her." The man cocked his head to the side, "What are you saying?" Carter smirked at the man, "What I'm saying is that maybe you should try and get her number." The man opened his mouth to say something, but Carter stopped him, "If you're thinking about what she looks like, you'll know when you see her. Now get the fuck inside, your shift is starting."

The man grumbled at the thought of Carter. "Asshole. Fucking interrupting me." He sulked his way to the bar getting ready for his shift. Teo greeted him, giving the man a quick fist bump. He stationed himself and got ready to take a customer's order.

"Hello, sir. Anything I can get you?" And right before he could get the man's order, he heard a familiar laugh. He whipped his head in the direction of the sound, and his heart dropped. Just sitting a few chairs away was the woman who broke him.

He wanted to run, to hide, he would do anything to be away from you. He was frozen in fear, shaking from the inside out. "Hey!" The customer shouted, "Hello, are you listening? I want my fucking drink now!"

You heard the commotion a few feet away from you. And since you're human, you were curious. You turned your attention away from Becky and to the shouting. What you saw was something you didn't expect in a million years, Jeon Jungkook. The boy you fell in love with, the man you're still in love with.

You guys made eye contact; an unspeakable feeling of confusion running wild. You got up, ignoring the weird stare from Becky, but before making any movements toward Jungkook, he ran. You saw him run through the back door, pushing everybody without care.

Taking the first step to him, Becky uttered, "Where are you going?" She had her hand wrapped around your arm. You gently pushed them off and said, "I'll be right back." Before Becky had the chance to say something you speed walked your way to the door.

Just mere feet away from the exit, it swung open. Carter stepped into the club reeking of Tobacco. You were surprised by the sudden appearance. "Cater!" He gave a tight-lipped smile, wondering what you were doing back here. "Ma'am, you're not supposed to go back here."

As a response, you frantically explained, "I'm sorry. I'm very sorry, but someone I know went back here, and I haven't seen them in years." Carter furrowed his brows; he asked, "Do they work here?" You swallowed in some air and took a deep breath. "Umm... I think so. His name is Jungkook." Carter was getting confused by the second; he's never heard of that name before. He apologized, "I'm sorry, who?"

You were getting impatient with Carter. So, you pushed him aside, not caring about if you were being rude or not. You busted the door open and saw him crouched down with his face between his hands. The door slammed shut, startling you. You looked at the man in front of you with much sadness. With a heavy heart, you whispered, "Jungkook."

The screaming wind drowned out your voice, but even so, he heard. It's been two years since he last heard your voice, two years since he heard his name leave your lips. He slowly lifted his head up, and you saw his tear-stained face staring at you. Your heart stopped at the look he was giving you; hatred was all he was displaying. You wish to take all his pain and throw it at the nearest star, but you couldn't, especially since you were the cause of it.

Jungkook stood up, and you noticed how his build got bigger. He was definitely working out. You were never scared him, however, right now you were. He was not the same man as before - you know that, but you still hoped he hadn't changed.

Jungkook on the other hand, thought the opposite; you had gotten smaller. Not physically, but mentally. Your aura seemed scared and quiet, a complete 180 from before. He wanted to hold you - protect you, but he wouldn't. Jungkook could never forget what you did to him.

He laced his tongue with venom, and spat out, "Why the fuck are you here?" You flinched at his words. You deserve it - you know you deserve it, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Your heart started beating faster, and you tried controlling your breathing, but one could know that you were having a hard time keeping calm. You put your shaky hand to your heart and trembled, "I didn't know you worked here. I came here with my friend to celebrate."

Jungkook stayed quiet and you took that as a sign to continue on, "I came here to celebrate my divorce." Jungkook was taken aback by your sentence. Divorce... it ranged in his head. He'd never thought you would get a divorce. "You got a divorce?" You nodded shyly, "This morning actually. Everything was done and finalized this morning."

Jungkook gulped down some spit he didn't know he was harboring. He wanted to be happy, he was waiting for this moment, but he couldn't find it in himself to be. Jungkook took a few steps back, giving himself more space. You stood there watching him pondering his thoughts.

You took this time to fully analyze him. His hair was longer, reaching close to his shoulders, almost in a mullet style. Two piercings were placed on his face, and tattoos littered his right arm; knuckles all the way up to his shoulder. It's only been two years; how did his appearance change so much? Never once has Jungkook said anything about getting facial piercings or tattoos. At this moment, you wanted the old Jungkook back. You were selfish - so selfish; you have no right to think that, but you couldn't help it.

"Why'd you come here to celebrate? Ready to find a new man for you to break?" You scoffed at his questions, "Are you serious?" Jungkook knew he was being mean, but he didn't care. "Of course, I'm being serious. You broke it off with me easily, and then you got married - only for you to divorce two years later. And what's the first thing you do... you go to a fucking club! Single people go to clubs to get fucking drunk and sleep with people they don't even know."

You felt your heart swell with pain; you felt so offended. "Is that what you think I am? A slut?" Jungkook seemed unfazed by your pain. He shrugged his shoulders and remarked, "I don't know, it's been two years. You could be... I mean look at the fucking outfit you're wearing. It's like you're asking for it." You slapped him; you have never slapped Jungkook before. And without a second thought, your tears came streaming down. Jungkook watched you as you tried wiping them away. The tears and snot came running down; you were hiccupping and whimpering at the pain Jungkook shoved at you.

For a split second, Jungkook regretted his words, but he shook off the thought. If he was a monster, his only reason would be that you made him into one.

Still crying, you bellowed out, "Yeah, you're right! It has been two years. Because in just that period, you've become someone unrecognizable! An asshole!" You dropped down to the cold and dirty concrete floor and wailed. You didn't care if people were to hear you; you didn't care if people thought you were crazy. All that you could care for, and feel was the immense agony shooting throughout your body. "And to think I still love you!"

Jungkook felt himself staggering; he was angry about what you said. He growled out, "Love? You say you love me, but you left me! You left our relationship! You left everything! You left our five years of love so quickly... so easily. I have every right to be a fucking asshole, ____! I fought for us when you didn't."

You shot your head up, and yelled, "You're wrong!" Jungkook started laughing. He bent down to your level and challenged you. "I'm wrong?" You threatened back, "You're wrong. I did fight for us." You sent glares at Jungkook, as he did too. No words were exchanged, but the spitefulness radiated off of each other.

A few seconds later, Jungkook got up. He looked down at you and decided, "I'm not gonna fight with you. Everything that has happened is in the past." He started making his way to the door, but before he placed his hand on the knob, he added, "But know this, ____, you're fucking dead to me." And with that, he left you alone on the cold April night.

Seven years ago (the confession)

Jungkook was sitting in his car, waiting patiently for your tutoring to end. He had his head resting on the steering wheel contemplating whether he should tell you his feelings or not. He's been thinking about it for three weeks and thought today is the day, but like a lot of people, he has the last-minute jitters.

When the anxiety became unbearable, Jungkook stepped out of his car to take a breath of fresh air. He took deep breaths to calm his racing heart. He dug in his pocket to check the time on his phone; four more minutes till you're out. He spent the next minute stretching for reasons he doesn't know. When he got back in the car, he downed the leftover water from earlier and threw the empty plastic in the back.

A few moments later and you were finally exiting the school, along with a few other people. Jungkook watched the way you smiled at the girl next to you, deep in the conversation. It made his heart warm seeing you smile.

You made your way to his car, exhaling the tiredness from today. You swiftly turned your body to give Jungkook a hug. With your body fully back on the seat, you sighed, "Thank you, Jungkook, for picking me up." He gave you a small smile, "No worries." You buckled yourself, ready to be taken home, but you noticed that Jungkook hadn't made the slightest move to leave. "Jungkook, are you okay?" He turned to you and whispered, "I umm... have something I want to say to you."

You got a little worried that something might've happened. "What is it? Are you okay?" Jungkook shook his head at your questions; he informed, "I'm okay. Nothing to worry about," he took a deep breath and continued, "I have just been feeling something for a while now, and I thought today should be a good time to tell you." You gave Jungkook a look to tell him to continue.

When Jungkook opened his mouth, all that came out was a shaky breath. He brought his head down from embarrassment, "I'm sorry." You giggled at his nervousness. You grabbed his hands and assured him, "It's okay. Take all the time you need." Jungkook took another deep breath, and screwed his eyes shut, scared of what facial expression you were to make; he admitted, "____, I like you... like really like you." You let go of Jungkook's hands, causing his eyes to open. He spouts out, "It's fine if you can't replicate my feelings back! I just don't wan-"

You grabbed Jungkook's face between your hands and cut him off with a kiss, and just as quickly you pulled apart. Jungkook was in a state of shock, he didn't know what happened, or why it happened. Since your hands still held Jungkook's face, you gently caressed his cheeks to bring him back down to earth. You softly spoke, "I can replicate your feelings back. I like you, Jungkook - possibly even more than you do."

Jungkook's eyes bugged out from your confession. Never in a million years would he think you had feelings for him. He pointed to himself, "Me? You like me?" You took your hands off his face and waved them around, "I like you, Jungkook! Ever since you transferred to my class, I have liked you severely. Was my kiss not obvious?" Jungkook starts chuckling at the turn of events; he rubbed his face and said, "I'm sorry, I just... Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think this would happen?" You smiled at his words, "Neither did I."

You guys got quiet, the awkward tension swimming throughout the car. Jungkook took the initiative to cut the tension, "Well," he kissed his teeth, "Since we like each other, we should kiss... again." You have never smiled more widely until today. "It's your turn to kiss me, Jungkook."

He gently took his hands to hold your face, and slowly but surely, he closed the gap. Your lips brushed against his, in a teasing manner. Jungkook didn't want to waste any more time, so he crashed his lips to yours. You guys kissed ever so slowly; reeling in the feeling of being wanted. You were the one to pull away first; you breathlessly spoke, "God, how can you hold your breath for that long?"

Jungkook chuckled at your question. He leaned his forehead to yours, staring deeply into your eyes. He feels like he could get lost in them and he wouldn't mind. He whispered, "I like you, ____." You gave him another kiss, and responded, "As do I, Jungkook."

Present

It's been a week since the event with your ex-boyfriend. It took you a fat minute to go back inside. When you did, you tried your hardest to avoid Jungkook, but of course, since he worked there avoiding him was not possible. Carter, on the other hand, went up to you, asking if you were okay, but you shrugged him off. You reached Becky demanding that you wanted to go home; she complied with your request.

Here you are with Becky out on your terrace smoking. You used to hate the idea of smoking, the burning sensation, the horrible smell of Tobacco, but since the break-up with Jungkook, you fell down the rabbit hole of cigarettes. You used to smoke one pack every two days, but it subsided to one pack a week.

Right now, you were feeling very serene. The cold harsh wind screaming in your ears, it was burning your eyes, and stabbing your skin; it felt nice. It made you forget the pain you were feeling inside. Becky was talking to you, but her voice went in one ear and out the other. You were just focusing on letting yourself get lost in this freezing pain. The only time you felt alive was when you suffer. You think to yourself that this is what you deserve, that everything you did should come back to you ten times worse.

Becky was getting concerned about your lack of attention. She was talking about how horrible the weather was right now; she expected your usual sarcastic remark, but you didn't give any. She turned to you, analyzing the way you were engulfed in this harsh weather. She saw the way you stared blankly with your teary eyes at the busy city. She saw the little goosebumps littering your skin. Your hair blowing in every direction, not caring for the tangles it's making. The firing cigarette getting close to your fingers. She saw nothing but a shell of her best friend.

Becky hadn't known you for very long, two years to be exact. She was Mason's coworker; they were in the same law firm. You met her when you were visiting Mason one day, and from then on, she became your best friend. She gets worried about you, knowing that the majority of your pain consists of your broken love. Becky only knows briefly about what happened that night; she wanted to know more, but she respects your boundaries, so, she never pushed the topic.

Becky tapped your shoulder, lightly shouting so you can hear her voice in the loud wind. "____, your cigarette is about to be out! Throw it away and let's get back inside!" You blinked away your tears, and promptly threw your cigarette in the ashtray.

"What the fuck! You wasted a good piece of cigarette, Jay." Jungkook just waved off Cater's complaint. "Yeah, whatever. I don't give a shit. It's mine, not yours." Jungkook and Carter were seated in the clubs' break room. Their shifts usually started at the same time, so they always take their breaks together.

Ever since that night, Jungkook has been on edge. He thought that you had moved away, but since his encounter with you, he's now rethinking that you hadn't left at all. Seeing you definitely brought back memories that Jungkook tried so hard to avoid. The pain you had caused resurfaced and immersed his heart with agony. Right when he thought he finally healed, your pretty face came and ripped off his band-aid.

Carter interrupted Jungkook's train of thought. "Damn, Jay. Crankier than usual?" Instead of responding back, Jungkook threw his head back on the leather couch. He didn't really have the energy to converse with Carter. If he didn't have work, he would've spent a year hiding out in his apartment avoiding everyone and everything, but he didn't have that luxury.

Carter was very persistent in making conversation. "So, Jungkook is your real name? And you didn't think of telling me? Your best friend?" Jungkook swiftly raised his head at Carter's question. He remarked, "Don't fool yourself, Carter. We're not friends." Carter felt hurt by Jungkook's words but choose not to show it. Jungkook continued, "The reason why I didn't tell you my name was because I didn't want to be tied down to my past."

"Past?" Carter questioned. Jungkook dug in his pocket for another cigarette to smoke. He lit it up and took a hit. "I never really cared for my name. I didn't really like it, but I didn't really hate it. It wasn't until this girl came along that I started loving my name - only when she said it. Hearing my name leave her lips made my stomach do flips. One day she ended things, and my name just started to sound horrible to hear. So, that's why I changed it to, Jay."

Everything stayed quiet after Jungkook's confession. Carter didn't know what to say. He wanted to lighten up the mood and make Jungkook slightly happy, but he was scared that whatever left his mouth, the man in front of him would shoot him the meanest glare, and Carter was a sensitive man.

Minutes go by until their shift starts. Before exiting, Carter wanted to say at least something to the broken man. He halted Jungkook's walking, placing a hand on his shoulder. Jungkook turned to Carter with a puzzled look. Carter spoke, "Jay's not a bad name. I quite like the name." Jungkook gave Carter a tight-lipped smile and nodded. He left the break room with a lone Carter inside.

Seven years ago (the first night)

You had arrived at Jungkook's house for a sleepover. You and Jungkook have been dating for seven months, and he thought today was the day you could finally stay over at his house. You actually wanted to stay over at his early on in the relationship, but Jungkook informed you that he wasn't ready yet. Jungkook wanted things to go nice and slow; he was afraid that if things were to be rushed everything would fall apart. You understood his reasons; you took things nice and slow just like he wanted.

You entered his house; it was small but cozy. His house felt like a home, just the feeling the house gives makes you feel at peace. You looked around the place, admiring the family pictures, drawings, and even the little trinkets displayed on top of the T.V. Everything insight made your heart warm.

Jungkook on the other hand, was nervous. He knows that his place is far more different than yours. You had been born with a silver spoon in your mouth; everything was handed to you, even without asking. As he watched you look around the place, Jungkook was sweating profusely. He was scared that you would leave him because of how poor he was compared to you.

Jungkook trembled, "I know this isn't much. I know how ugly this is to you, but I hope that you won't leave me." You flipped towards your boyfriend. You were flabbergasted that he would think that. Everything that he had said was the opposite of what you were thinking. You threw yourself on his soft brown couch cuddling with one of the throw pillows. Jungkook walked in front of you, and you gave him a bright smile.

You chuckled, "Babe, this house is beautiful, not ugly. It isn't much but it's definitely something amazing." You grabbed his arms, discarding the pillow, and pulled him towards you. "I could never leave you because of how much or little money you have. Jungkook, I'm with you because of who you are. And you are someone worth treasuring." Jungkook's heart has never felt so full. He kissed your forehead, "My heart is full of you, I can't even call it my own."

As your response, you gently grabbed his face and kissed like it was the last. He held your waist and gripped you closer to him. There was no room in between you two. Things started escalating when you began unbuttoning Jungkook's shirt. He pulled away the second he felt your fingertips brush against his chest. You were startled by the action; you felt that you had done something bad.

You felt your eyes slightly tear up, but Jungkook was quick to assure you that it was nothing wrong. "Baby, don't be sad. I just think that we shouldn't be doing this in the living room." At first, you were confused by his statement, but then your eyes lit up by his meaning. You blushed and Jungkook smiled at your cheeks. "Let's take this in my bedroom, yeah?" You had never nodded your head this hard until right now.

Jungkook chuckled at your cuteness; you never fail to make him smile. He picked you up like you weighed nothing. You wrapped your legs around his torso, and your arms around his neck. Jungkook had his hands resting on the bottom of your ass, keeping you in place. He marched his way to his room, all while keeping his eyes on yours. You would usually feel nervous about the intense eye contact, but at this moment you were too lost in his big brown eyes. He looked at you with so much longing, and you loved that feeling.

Once he reached his room, Jungkook placed you on the bed and said, "I am so glad my parents aren't here today." He climbed on top of you, caging you in between his toned arms. "So, don't be quiet for me. Never be quiet for me." You were stunned by the words that had left your boyfriends' lips. It was like a different person entered his body. It was hard to muster any type of word, so you just nodded.

Jungkook can see that you were speechless by his behavior. He was actually having fun doing this to you. He wanted to push you even further, so, Jungkook slipped his hand underneath your shirt and inside your bra to lightly brushed his fingers on your hard bud. He saw your mouth go agape; he ordered, "Use your words, baby. I wanna hear you." You can see the mischievous glint along with lust swimming in his eyes. You cleared your throat and shakingly said, "I won't be quiet for you. I'll let you hear all of me."

Jungkook smirked, "That's my girl." He dived his head to your neck and sucked your soft skin. The hand that had brushed against you was now needing the plump area. "Ahh... babe." you moaned at the sensation. Jungkook unclasped his mouth from your neck, admiring the painting he had done. He licked the area grinning. When he had lifted his head back, he already saw the dazed look on your face.

Jungkook caressed your cheeks tenderly. "Why do you already look a bit fucked out, babe? I haven't done anything yet?" You grabbed a hold of his shirt and said, "It feels good." Jungkook chuckled. God, you were too adorable. You tried unbuttoning his shirt again, but Jungkook just swiftly took it off. You straight away raked your fingers along his abs. The feathering touch made Jungkook lightly flex his abs. "Aren't you a little horny?" You blushed from embarrassment at his words. You pinched his skin, "Shut up."

Jungkook grabbed a hold of your arms and placed them above your head. "Spread your legs, baby." And like a dog, you did what you were told. You watched Jungkook position himself between your legs; he was slowly grinding against your clothed pussy. You bite your lip, containing your moans. Jungkook saw the way you try quieting yourself. He released one of his hands away from your pinned arms, dragging your bottom lip down with his thumb. He groaned at you, "____, I said to never be quiet for me. So, stop biting your lips and moan for me, baby."

You released one sinful moan for your lover. He wasn't even inside you yet, but you already felt like cumming. Jungkook fully let go of your arms, and instead, he ripped open your shirt. You gasped at the action, "Jungkook! Babe, I liked that shirt." Jungkook unhooked your bra and threw it on the floor. "I'll buy your another one, baby. Now lift up your hips." You really didn't know what it was, but every time Jungkook demanded something, you would always be compliant.

He took off your shorts along with your underwear, and just like your bra, he discarded them on the floor. You laid bare in front of Jungkook's eyes. You looked ethereal to him like you were an angel living down on earth. Your hair was sprawled out on his sheets, your skin shining even though there was no sun, your legs wide open giving him a view of your pretty pussy, your breasts laid beautifully on your chest, and your face stared back at him with devotion. They say that nothing in this world is perfect, but to Jungkook you were the definition of prefect.

You stared at him while he took off his pants. You saw the outline of his thick cock, bulging on his boxers. You couldn't tear your eyes away; Jungkook noticed. He grabbed one of your hands and placed it on his hard-on, gently rubbing himself on your hand. Jungkook exhaled and said, "You feel how hard I am for you, baby?" You licked your lips and meekly whispered, "Yes."

He placed your hand back by your side and bent down to you. His lips hovering above yours. "Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it." You lifted up your pelvis, it was your turn to grind yourself on his clothed cock. You breathlessly spoke, "I want you to fuck me, but I want it slow." Jungkook groaned at your words.

He slipped out of his boxers and his cock sprung free. It hit you right on your clit, making you jolt. Before Jungkook could continue, he reached behind you, and right beside his bed was a small dresser. He dug into one of the drawers and pulled out a condom. Jungkook took off the plastic and tapped the rubber piece on your lips. He grinned, "Do you wanna put this on me, babe?"

You sat up and took the condom from your boyfriend. You had your eyes locked on his cock. It might've been weird to voice out, but Jungkook's cock was really pretty. His shaft was slightly lighter than his skin, and his tip was pretty pink. You could see the feint veins that circled his member, and he wasn't hairy, just a slightly shaven area that resided on top. You could see some pre-cum leaking out of him. He was pretty thick and long, you would've guessed him to be around eight inches.

You swallowed some air before you proceeded. You took him in one of your hands and placed the rubber on his tip. You tried sliding it down, but since your hand was too shaky it kept coming back up. Jungkook had seen your nervousness. He gently grabbed your hand, and he worried to you, "Need help, baby?"

You shot up at him and quickly replied, "No!" In the midst of your answer, you had gripped your boyfriend too hard. "Shit, babe! Not too hard, please?" You were quick to release him from the stronghold. You apologized, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I don't need help. I can do this." Jungkook nodded and copied back, "You can do this."

You tried sliding the condom back down again, and thankfully this time it stayed in place. You smiled at Jungkook like a kid who aced their pop quiz. He chuckled, "God, ____. Can you get any cuter?"

Jungkook looped one arm around your torso, slowly bringing you back down on the bed. He positioned himself back between your legs again and gently slid his cock between your folds. His movement sent tidal waves through your body. You moaned out, "Fuck, Jungkook. It feels good, but I want you in me." Jungkook placed his cock right at your entrance. He said, "If it hurts tell me, okay? I'll go slow like you want." You nodded.

You hugged your boyfriend readying yourself. Jungkook had licked his fingers, lubing you up. He slowly entered you, feeling your warm walls caging him tightly. Your arms around Jungkook tightened. It didn't hurt having him inside you. You have a dildo, so the feeling was nothing new. But this was your first time having other than a toy inside you. You softly moaned once he was fully inside, Jungkook as well. His mouth was right next to your ear. When you heard him groan it made your mind hazy.

"Am I hurting you, baby?" You shook your head at his question, but Jungkook wanted words. "I need to hear you say it." You murmured your words lowly, "No, you're not hurting me."

"I'm gonna move now, alright?"

"Alright."

Jungkook started slipping in and out of you. You created wetness, making it easier for him to not hurt you. It felt nice, but you wanted him to go deeper. You rasped out, "Deeper, Jungkook. I want it deeper." And that's what he did. Jungkook had reached deeper inside you, hitting your G-spot. Your body thrust up, touching your boyfriends' chest. "Shit!" you cried out.

Jungkook smirked to himself. Seeing you like this, only wanted him to go harder - faster. Placing you back down, he grunted, "Baby, can I go faster? Please?" You wanted to please your boyfriend like he was doing to you. So, you agreed.

Jungkook lifted up his body and moved you to the edge of the bed. With him standing, he placed your legs straight on his chest. He held your thighs with a firm grip and started thrusting you at a fast pace. Your body started moving up and down, your breasts doing the same.

The room echoed with the slapping of your guy's skin. You watched Jungkook as he fucked you. His head was leaned back; he was immersed in the pleasure. Jungkook was so glad that you are his first. He read online that having sex with someone feels so good, but to him, you felt like heaven.

Jungkook brought back down his head and snuggled between your legs. He rubbed his cheek along your calf. He beamed at you, "You're so precious, baby. So precious." You mimicked back his smile.

Jungkook went back to fucking you, never slowing down his pace. You gripped the sheets of his bed when you started to feel your high coming. Jungkook felt you holding his member hard, not letting him breathe. But he took it as a sign to go faster. When your high reached you, you jerked your body up, your body quivering. You moaned his name repeatedly. You never felt this much pleasure until now. Jungkook sure knows how to make you feel like you were in another world.

Jungkook watched as your body shook. He loved that he was the reason for your undoing. When your high came down, you thought that you guys would be done, but Jungkook had other plans. You gave your boyfriend a puzzling look when you felt that he was still in you. Jungkook cocked his head to the side, "Did you think it was over? Baby, I haven't even cummed yet." Your eyes bugged out.

Just as you were about to say something, Jungkook fucked you hard. He took your breath by surprise. You had just came, so when Jungkook added more pleasure to your sensitive cunt, you couldn't help but cry. You tried telling him to stop or slow down, but you could barely muster up any words.

Jungkook felt himself almost there. With one more thrust, he dropped your legs and collapsed on top of you, riding out his climax. His lips were right next to your ear; he was groaning out incoherent words. You both were out of breath, giving yourselves some time to be composed.

When you guys were finally calm, Jungkook pulled out of you. He discarded his filled condom in the trash. He gently pulled you up and asked, "Do you want to bathe together?" You smiled widely; you answered his question with a nod. You were about to walk with him to the bathroom, but Jungkook noticed your legs slightly trembling, so he picked you up bridal style.

You giggled at his action, holding him tight as he walked. When you made it into the bathroom, Jungkook sat you down on the closed toilet. You got worried that you might dirty it. "Wait, Jungkook, I don't think I should sit here. I don't want to dirty your toilet." Jungkook playfully scoffed at your concern. While he went to run the warm water, he shrugged, "It's fine if you dirty the toilet, babe. I can always clean it."

Minutes go by and the tub was finally filled. Jungkook carefully placed you in the tub. "Is the water warm for you?" You nodded your head and then urged him to get inside with you. Jungkook sat behind you; your back rested against his chest. You closed your eyes, letting yourself get lost in the warm and safe atmosphere. Jungkook looked down at you admiring your beauty. He could never get tired of looking at you. You captivated him, and he wasn't complaining.

Jungkook raked his fingers along your stomach; his head rested in the crook of your neck, breathing you in. With your eyes still closed, you spoke out, "You know, they say that a home is a place, but I don't think that's true." You opened your eyes and faced your lover. "Because I found a home in you; you're my home, Jungkook."

Jungkook buried his head deeper in your neck. He rarely blushes, but right now his face was painted bright red. He gave himself a minute to calm his beating heart. When he lifted up his head, he found that you had your eyes closed again. "____?" he called out. You responded to him with a little hum.

Jungkook took a deep breath in and a deep breath out and confessed, "I love you." Your eyes shot open, and you looked at him. Jungkook repeated, "I love you, ____. Every fiber of my being calls for you. My need for you is so strong, that I don't know what I'll do without you." You felt yourself crying, your body trembling. Jungkook wrapped his arms around you; he thought that what he had said made you sad. "____, I'm sorry. Please, don't cry."

You shook your head. You weren't crying because of what he had said, but because you were so happy. You were filled with so much joy and love. You sniffled to him, "I'm not crying because of something bad. I'm crying because you're making me so happy. I'm so happy, Jungkook." You wiped your tears away and grabbed his face. You admitted, "And I love you so much.”

Present

"I would like the veggie wrap, but please don't put in the bell peppers. And some sweet tea - no ice. Thank you." Becky handed her menu to the young waitress. "Ma'am, is there anything I can get you?" The girl had her attention switched to you. Getting ready to write, you gave her your answer, "I'll have the same, but I want the bell peppers put in. And for the drink, I'll just have plain water." The girl collected your menu and gave a curt nod.

After she left Becky spoke out, "I talked to Mason yesterday. ____, he's worried about you. You haven't texted or called him since the divorce. He's wondering if you're okay." You did a deep sigh. You didn't mean to make him worry; you just have a lot on your mind right now. You exhaled, "I'm okay, alright." Becky advised, "I'm not the one you should be answering to. If you claim to be okay, then call Mason and tell him." You nodded your head, not saying anything further.

Becky could see that you're not really here; your mind is someplace else. Ever since that night, you've been more closed off than usual. It's sometimes hard to make conversations with you since all you give is short direct answers. You were always pretty open with Becky, proud to say she knows about ninety percent of you. But recently, Becky has been left in the dark about your feelings.

She worried to you, "____, I want you to know that I'm here... that I'm not some stranger. You can talk to me." You stared at your best friend; you can see the worriedness in her beautiful face. You're definitely not doing a good job of making the people who care about you feel calm. You were ready to talk to Becky, but then the young waitress came up and brought the food. "Here's the wrap with no bell peppers for you," She gave Becky her food, and then you, "Here's your wrap with bell peppers. And your guy's drinks." Once she placed everything down, she added, "If you need anything just call me." And with that, the girl left.

Becky had noticed that you were about to say something. "What were you going to say, ____?" You begged, "Can we talk about this after we finished eating, Beck? Please?" Becky didn't want to push your buttons, so, she agreed to continue the conversation later.

Around thirty minutes later, you and Becky finished your lunch. You guys were now entering your car with a full stomach. Once you guys had your seatbelts buckled, you pulled out of the parking lot. The vehicle was silent, just a whispered voice singing through the stereo.

"Let's go to a park." Becky had broken the silence with her suggestion. You slightly turned your eyes to your best friend. "A park?" you questioned. Becky replied with a yes. With your eyes back on the road, you took some time thinking about the reason for the random pop-up. Then you remembered what you said at the restaurant. "To talk?" your voice laced with caution. Becky replied with another yes. You sucked in your cheeks and nodded. "Sure, why not."

You two arrived at a random park. The area didn't have a lot of people, which for you was great. You put your car in park and pumped up the air conditioning. It was silent yet again. Becky wanted to speak up, but she also wanted you to open up to her on your own. You were trying to figure out what to say to Becky without sounding incoherent. It took a minute before words left your mouth.

"Remember how I said I saw my ex that night?" Beck nodded her head. You continued, "Well, ever since that night I've been feeling lost... or I guess confused - I don't really know how to describe it. But seeing him made my heart swell with longing, but he was not the same as before. What happened that night rearranged my view - my feelings into something unbearable. The more I think about it, the more I know that I'm the reason for this pain. This feeling... it's like it's growing bigger, and it fills my heart with ache. I feel like I'm gonna be gone if these feelings keep being bottled."

Becky furrowed her brows; she was confused by your last sentence. "What do you mean 'gone', ____?" You gulped down some spit, "I mean that if I keep feeling like this, my sense of warmth might be extinguished." Becky's heart broke hearing her best friend say that she might lose any type of love. You've always been there for her, even when you were at your lowest. Becky said something that she might hope will help you. "Maybe you should try talking to him. Find some closure, ____."

You dropped your head to the steering wheel and gripped the sides. You shook your head at your friend's request; you explained, "I can't talk to him, Beck. You know, the last thing he said to me that night was that I was dead to him." You faced Becky. "Beck, he hates me... deeply. And I can't blame him, 'cause I hate myself too."

Becky turned her body completely towards you. She didn't want you to think badly about yourself. "____, don't say that." Just like Becky, you turned your body as well. Your frustration was building. "What am I supposed to say then, Becky? It's my fault that things are like this." Your voice started rising up, "It's my fault that we're broken! If you were there that day, Beck, you would've hated me as well."

Tears started freely flowing down. You grabbed your shirt and cried, "You didn't see the way his face looked when I told him that I accepted the marriage. You didn't feel the want in his hug - in his kiss when he begged for me to stay. You didn't hear the pain in his voice when he told me that I broke him. Becky, I left him alone and broken. I destroyed him. So, please... don't tell me that I shouldn't have said what I have said."

Becky hugged you the minute you ended your sentence. Her tears silently fell, while yours were loud and clear. Becky felt her shirt dampen, but she didn't care. You had wrapped your arms around your best friend tightly, holding on to her while you poured out your pain. You choked out, "I tried telling my parents that I didn't want this. I tried, Becky, I tried." Becky gently petted your hair and said, "I know, ____."

A Few minutes go by, and your crying had subsided. You pulled away from Becky and grabbed some tissues that were placed in the cup holder. You wiped your face from all the tears and snot. Becky softly rubbed your eyes and calmly said, "I wasn't there, so because of that I don't hate you. And if I was there, I still wouldn't have hated you, ____. Even though you couldn't stop your parents, you were still strong enough to try. That itself tells me how much you love this man. I know that I'll probably never be able to understand this pain, but one thing I do understand is the unbelievable love one person can have for the other. ____, this type of love is so powerful, it can heal the weak, but it can also destroy the strong. I know you said that you can't talk to him, but I think you should. If you don't... this feeling will keep being bottled - and just like you said, you'll be gone. I don't want that. So, just try talking to him."

Two years ago (the break up)

You had just gotten done having the meeting of your life with your parents. The discussion for an arranged marriage for you has been brought forth a week ago. Your parents wanted to expand their company by joining another company that was owned by their friends. They thought that marrying you with Mason would bring more publicity and fortunes to their companies. Your parents had known that you were already in a relationship, but they're the type of parents that don't care for their kids' opinions or feelings.

When they had announced that they were going to be marrying you, you shot them down the second the words had left their mouths. You left the room not giving them any time to say something back to you. You didn't want to hear it. That day, you held off on telling Jungkook about your parent's announcement. You had thought that they would respect your decision not to go through with this marriage. You thought that the discussion would end and there would be no reason to tell Jungkook, until today.

Your parents had called you to their office, and right when you entered the room, they dropped the bomb and told you that having this marriage is inevitable. You tried convincing them that this is not what you want, that you are happy with your life; loving and having Jungkook is all you want, but they didn't care. The only thought they had in their mind was strengthening their company. The debate went on for so long, with you crying and your parent's shouting.

They told you that if you didn't go through with this, they wouldn't hesitate on making Jungkook's life hell, starting with deporting his father. You called their bluff, telling them that they're not that cruel, but once they had ICE on call you were forced to agree. Your parents had a satisfying smirk knowing that their plan was working. You had gone up to your parents, wanting to physically hurt them, but your father beat you to it. He had slapped you right across the face, and even more, he did not hold back on giving you a right hook on your stomach. Your mother had a displeasing look on her face when you spat out vulgar words at them.

You ran out of their building to find sanctuary in your car. You didn't cry because of the pain your parents inflicted on you; you were crying because you were now going to be tied to someone who wasn't the love of your life; Jungkook. It took you a few minutes to calm down your breathing, and your crying, but once you did, you texted Jungkook that you were going to drive to his place for something important.

Jungkook got a bit nervous with your message; he tried calling you to see if you were okay, but you didn't answer. You didn't want him to hear the choked pain in your voice.

Here you are driving to your boyfriend's apartment, with blurry eyes. You know that driving in this state is unsafe, but you didn't care. You were lucky to have not run over any red lights or gotten pulled over for speeding. You pulled up to your boyfriend's apartment unscathed and without any tickets. You saw Jungkook pacing around his front door with a worried expression.

When he spotted you, he ran to your car door and hugged you. He expressed, "Baby, why weren't you answering my calls? I was worried about you." You couldn't speak; your body frozen was in panic. Jungkook noticed; he tried picking you up, but your legs collapsed on top of each other. He bent down to check for any injuries. Jungkook searched your body, and then he came across your face.

He let out a short breath, "____, your face! Your cheek! Baby, what happened?" You rasped out, "Can we take this inside? Please?" Instead of answering, Jungkook carefully picked you up and helped you to his apartment. He sat you down on his little sofa, with him going to the kitchen to get you an ice pack.

Your boyfriend returned and placed the cold pack on your bruising cheek. He wanted to question why you needed to talk, why you looked like you'd been crying so much, why your cheek is bruising, but he didn't want to bombard you with so many questions. He wanted you to talk to him when you were calm and ready.

You were trying to think of ways to break down the marriage to him, but no matter how you were to say it, you know that Jungkook would be hurt. Your head was down, but you could feel the anxious stare your boyfriend was giving you. You tried mustering up some words to say, but all that came out was unstable breaths.

Seeing you in this state had Jungkook on edge. He's never seen you like this before, and it quite terrifies him. Seeing you made his heart churn with indescribable panic. All that he could do was hold you, waiting for your mind to be steady.

The clock kept ticking and you still hadn't said anything. You just stared at the floor, with nothing but fidgeting eyes. Jungkook was a patient man, but in this scenario, he was feeling a bit restless. Jungkook tried speaking up, "Babe, ar-" You cut him off, blurting out your proclamation, "I'm getting married."

Jungkook's whole world stopped when those words left your mouth; he felt his heart drop. He stood up and raked his fingers through his hair. You were still seated, watching your boyfriend getting stressed. Your body was still, but you felt your tears slowly fall. The moment you said the words, you knew, you knew that everything was will never be the same.

Jungkook's heart was racing faster than the speed of light. His body felt cold, like what you had said dumped ice all over him. He couldn't control his breathing; his chest heaving up and down in a disbelief manner. He turned to you, catching sight of your broken spirit. He would usually hug you - comfort you, but all he wanted to do right now is ask you, his questions. Jungkook shakingly said, "Are you serious? 'Cause if you're playing with me right now, ____, I'll forgive you. We can move on with this horrible joke of yours." He tired laughing, hoping that you were joking.

You faced back down on the floor; your tears making it hard to see anything. With his question, you shyly nodded your head. You heard Jungkook release a pain exhale. You could feel the pain steaming off of him. You didn't want to lift your head; you were scared of the sight you might see.

You heard Jungkook gasping for air like he was finding it hard to function. You tried muffling your sobs that were escaping, but it didn't work. Jungkook demanded, "Look at me, ____." You couldn't. How could you? After what you said, you don't have the strength to face him. He demanded again, "____, look at me." this time you can hear the plead in his voice.

You lift your head, hating the sight you were seeing. The one person who you never wanted to hurt, showed a face full of agony. You did this to him. Your tears were now rapidly flowing; you tried wiping them away, but they did not prevail.

Jungkook didn't know why you were hurting. He had every reason to feel like this, but you? His voice rasped out his questions, "W-was it me? Did I do something wrong? Wa... was I not good enough for you, ____?" You vigorously shook your head. All his questions were far from it. "Then why?" Jungkook gripped his shirt; his voice was rising. He cried to you, "Why a-are you doing this to me? Did you have a relationship with this guy, and you didn't tell me? Is-is that the reason you're marrying him and not me?"

You stood up quickly, crying to him that his questions were not the reason. He repeated, "Then why?" You couldn't tell him why. You didn't want him to know, because if you did, you knew that he would tell you not to worry about him. He would tell you that you guys can fight through this, but he doesn't know your parents. The vile things they can do to him and his parents. So, you left that part out, "My parents want to wed me with a friend's son to bring more success to both companies."

Jungkook nodded his head, feeling somewhat hopeful that you didn't agree; your parents just told you, you were getting married. "Okay, this was all your parents. Baby, just decline them and then we can go back to normal." You saw him optimistically smile. You wished that was the case; you wished it was that easy. You brokenly said, "No, Jungkook. It was my decision... I accepted the marriage."

Jungkook cried yet again. Why would he think that? Stupid! He felt stupid. "Why would you accept it? You're not happy with me, are you?" You told him a white lie, "I think that as their daughter, I need to do this." Jungkook shook his head, not believing you. "What about what you want? ____, I thought that what we have is everything and more, but you seem so willing to let go of our five years. Is this truly what you want?"

You wanted to say no. You wanted to be with him forever; that this marriage is not what you want, but the words got stuck in your throat. You didn't know what to say. Jungkook knows you like the back of his hand; he could see the hesitation; he could see your body frozen in contemplation. He knows deep down that you don't want this. So, why are you doing this?

Jungkook walked towards you, holding you tenderly in his arms. Dipping his head to the crook of your neck, breathing you in like always. "____, stay with me." Your eyes were hurting from all the crying, but you couldn't help it. Jungkook felt your body tremble; he felt your tears sliding down your face, down your neck, and onto his face, it only made him hold you tighter. He felt himself crying just as hard as you. "Stay with me, ____." He let you go, only for him to cup your face, and give you a passionate kiss. "Please, baby. I need you to stay with me. Can you stay with me?"

You could feel the want in his hug - in his kiss, but you couldn't - you wouldn't drag him down, because of your love. You didn't want him and his parents to suffer because of you. You saw his eyes begging you to say yes. You know that your answer was going to hurt him, but rather this than the long-suffering pain he would feel to lose his father. Pushed him off of you, and you let out a strangled sob. You saw pain taking hold of him. You wailed, "I can't... I won't stay with you, Jungkook. I could never forgive myself if I did."

You saw him clutch a part of his shirt where his heart was. You heard him whimpering. Jungkook hiccupped, "____, please don't do this. We can be together. Your parents - your husband won't have to know." Jungkook knew he was being pathetic; begging you like this, but he would go to any length if it meant that you'll stay with him. "I don't want you to leave me. I love you."

Your face scrunched up, trying to contain the pain you were feeling. His words sent an ache through your heart. You wished everything was that easy. You didn't want Jungkook to love a horrible person like you; a person who would lie to him, a person who would tear him piece by piece. The only way to make him hate you is to say the impossible, "These past six years spent with you, were everything and more. But I don't love you anymore, Jungkook. It's time we took our separate paths."

Jungkook felt himself die inside. He was shaking his head, trying to deny your words, but you sound so convincing. If he knew that this type of pain was to happen, he would've never confessed his feelings to you. The one person who he tied himself with, the one person who he gave his whole heart, the one person who he loved broke him. He whispered to you, "You absolutely broke me, ____. Destroyed me." He didn't spare you a glance; he walked to his front door, opened it, and yelled, "Get the fuck out of my house, before I fully succumb to you, truly!"

You knew that this was gonna come. You knew that sooner or later he would yell and say harsh things to you. Still, you could help but be appalled by his words. You carefully walked your way to the door. Tears come down streaming harshly, knowing that this will be the last time you step foot in his home. Right at the entrance, you faced your now ex-boyfriend and saw the stern and pained expression plastered on his face. You timidly said, "I'm sorry, Jungkook."

Jungkook swiftly turned his eyes out the door, signaling to leave his apartment; you did just that. You turned around wanting to at least say one last goodbye, but before you got the chance to, Jungkook slammed the door, leaving alone on a cold April day.

Present

"So, don't worry about me, Mason. Call me when you get this." You ended the voicemail.

You were outside the club waiting for your ex to be finished. It took a lot of thinking about what Becky had said, and you came to the conclusion that she was right. You didn't want to spend the rest of your life avoiding this, you wanted to have some peace of mind. You don't know how he'll react or how he'll be, but you just hoped that he'll be willing to listen.

Time was speeding up and your body was getting tired. Right when you were about to head to your car to rest your legs, a group of people exited the club. It was hard identifying the group because they were heading in the opposite direction from you.

If you hadn't spotted Carter, you would've thought that this trip was useless. You and Carter made eye contact, and you watched him whisper to another guy who had his arm slung over the shoulders of a pretty woman. You knew that the man was Jungkook. It wouldn't matter how many years have passed; you'll always be able to identify him.

You wanted to get closer to hear what was being exchanged but to be respectful, you gave them their boundaries. The group of people already left, just leaving the four of you alone. You couldn't see his face, but by the way, Carter is expressing, you knew that the conversation was getting frustrating. Your body started fidgeting, you were getting impatient.

The conversation seemed to have ended when Carter gave you a bright smile. He pulled the woman towards him and gave Jungkook a wave of goodbye. Now it was just you two alone. Jungkook still had his back faced to you, but you can tell he was annoyed.

You spoke up, slightly shouting, "Can we talk, Jungkook?" For what seemed like forever, he finally turned to you. He trudged his way to you; he seethed, "Were my words that night not enough for you to know that I don't want to see you?" You were blinking frantically. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"I just want to talk. You don't have to say anything, I just want you to listen. I'm begging you." Your head was down, eyes closed. You started fiddling with your fingers. "I don't deserve it, but will you allow me to be selfish just one time?"

Jungkook stared down at you. He's not gonna admit it, but he also wanted to talk with you. He took some deep breaths through the nose, and said, "Did you bring your car? Where's your car?" You lifted your head in an instant. You exhaled and gave a relieved smile to yourself. Jungkook saw your small smile and somewhere deep down inside him, he felt his heart swell.

You made a beeline to your car, Jungkook following closely behind you. Once you made it inside, everything was quiet. Not a peep was made from the both of you. You thought that since you wanted to talk, you should start first. "Thank you... for agreeing to this. I wanted to talk because I need to have this closure." You faced your head to Jungkook, but all he was looking at was outside your car window. "I feel like we can take our first step into healing through this talk."

Without looking at you, Jungkook mumbled, "I tried to feel something new with someone else, but all I could see in them is how they're not you." You started biting your lips; you felt guilty. "There was this woman I met around close to a year of our break up. She was a customer at the club, and all she ordered was a glass of water." Jungkook started laughing at the memory. "She started coming in more often, and I found a friend in her. She was kind, smart, beautiful... she was perfect. I thought that she was everything I wanted in a girl. But every time we tried to progress our relationship; I kept holding her off. All I could feel - all I could want was you. I didn't want someone perfect," Tears started to slowly fall down Jungkook's eyes. He faced you with his eyes red. "I wanted someone who messy, loud, clumsy... broken. All I wanted was you, ____."

You were choking on your sob. You placed your hand on your mouth, trying to cancel out any noise. Wanting to add to your pain, Jungkook confessed "I went to your wedding. I blended myself with the hundreds of those invited people. I saw you walk down the aisle in your beautiful wedding dress. You truly make a beautiful bride, ____. I saw you guys hold hands, heard your vows, and say your 'I do's'. I saw you guys kiss. I couldn't stay any longer, so I went back home. I laid in bed staring at my ceiling, it took me a while to figure out that I was crying. And I realized that my tears were no longer for you. They're for me; the me you destroyed. How could you do this to us? How could you do this to me? You didn't love me."

You shook your head, denying his last sentence. "Don't say that! You may hate me, and that's fine, but you have no right to say that I didn't love you. Jungkook, my love for you was infinite and it still is. You know, the moment I left you, I killed half of myself. And to this day, I'm still half a person. You know, I have spent the first year missing you, wanting you, needing you." You cried harder like you were reliving your pain. "My ex-husband tried consoling me, and it would work for a little while. But every time night rolls around, the moon brings back my pain. I'll never ever forgive myself for the pain I brought to you."

"It doesn't matter now. You ruined everything." You cried harder because he was right, but you didn't wanna keep being reminded. "I know! I know that everything is my fault. But please, Jungkook, stop reminding me of my faults. I hate myself enough as it is."

Jungkook questioned, "Then why? I want the honest truth now. Don't hide from me. Why would you accept the marriage?" Jungkook wanted answers that you couldn't give to him before.

Now that you are divorced, you have nothing holding you back. "It's true when I said that I accepted the marriage. It was fully my decision, but they really left me no choice. They were going to call ICE on your father. Jungkook, they wanted to make you and your parents suffer." You started shaking your head; your tears falling in the process. "I didn't want that to happen because of my selfishness."

You were crying, but all that Jungkook could think about was one thing. "Is that why you came home that day with a bruising cheek? Did those fuckers do that to you?" You were quiet; you didn't have to say anything for Jungkook to know the answer. He took a deep sigh, "Why didn't you tell me? God, I feel like killing them."

You scoffed, "What would you do if I told you? I think you're forgetting just how powerful my parents are. Jungkook, they will stop at nothing to achieve something."

He retaliated back, "So will I! I don't care how powerful your parents are, ____. If putting in my blood, sweat, and tears means that I could still have you, I will. It was wrong for me to say that you didn't fight back, but I would've started a war for you if it meant that we could still be together. If my father were to be deported, my mom would go with him; they can't imagine a life without each other. That's the same thing with me. I couldn't imagine a life without you, but it's too late now, huh? The chance to fight is over now."

You quietly asked, "You wouldn't fight for me now?" That question had stumped Jungkook. He wanted to say that he will, but it wouldn't sound right. Many things have happened over the past two years. Jungkook has learned to move on, to live without you. Of course, he's not fully healed, but after this talk, he feels like he can fully live his life without the pain you bring. But you, you were still stuck in the past. You had hoped that maybe, just maybe everything would be back to the way it was.

Jungkook answered your question from the truth in his heart, "No... I wouldn't fight for you now. ____, what we had is something I'll always treasure. The years I spent with you felt like heaven. You were my haven. You were my first everything, I could never forget that. I wished it had been me standing at the altar. I wished it had been me marrying you. I wish for a lot of things, but those are just wishes. Two years isn't a lot of time, but during that period I've learned to move on with my life."

Jungkook cupped your crying face. He held you tenderly. His eyes filled with sorrow. "I loved you so much, ____. Actually, I-I still love you. I don't think I'll stop loving you. We were just two people who loved each other but weren't meant to be." He started wiping your fallen tears.

Jungkook gave you one last kiss. You guys kissed with so much love and regret. The tears from both of you made the kiss salty, but you guys didn't mind. You gripped his shirt, and he gripped your waist. This was truly the last contact you both will make.

Pulling apart was hard but needed. You knew that he was right. It's time for you to move on. You whispered to him, "I realize now that I can't keep holding on to something I can't have anymore. I'm ready to let you go, Jungkook."

Jungkook connected his forehead to yours, and said, "If once we're ready, faith will bring us together again. Whether it be in this lifetime or the next, I'll wait for you with open arms." You smiled at his words. You both know deep down that being together again won't happen - at least not in this life.

Five years later

Many things have happened in the five years since your guy's last talk. You had moved out of the city along with Becky and started room mating with Mason. The first two years of moving forward were hard, but with the help of Becky and Mason, everything started to feel just right. Your two friends opened up their own law firm called M & B Laws. You also got a job at a daycare not too far from their work.

Since that night, you have never seen Jungkook again, but you were grateful to have followed his Instagram profile. You guys would exchange DM's here and then, asking about each other's days, new stuff. But after the third year, the texts stopped coming and you guys were now strangers.

You were alone at home, and Becky and Mason were working overtime. In times like this, you wished you had a dog or cat, a companion to keep you company. The TV was playing Iron Man; you weren't too focused on the TV screen, instead, the only thing that had your attention was your phone screen. Scrolling through Instagram, and liking random stuff, you came across a post from Jungkook.

You sat up from the couch. It's been months since his last post. The picture that was displayed on your screen was a photo of Jungkook and a woman. You tucked your hair from behind your ears to get a better look. His post was seven hours ago. The caption from his post said, "Happy 2 years, baby! I'm happy to have circled the sun with you twice, and I can't wait for more. I love you, Yuna!"

You from before would've been so heartbroken. She would've cried herself to sleep, despising herself more and more for losing him. But you are so happy now; you are so happy for him. You looked at the picture and for the first time in a long time, Jungkook showcased a genuine and happy smile. His eyes weren't facing the camera, they were locked on the beautiful woman in front of him. His eyes were filled with so much love and adoration, his smile was shining with so much joy. Your heart's not broken, it's far from it. Your heart is healed, and your heart is happy. You can't wait to see what the world has to offer.

#jeon jungkook #jeon jungguk #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #angst #fluff #smut #bts jungkook #bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts fanfction #bts fluff #bts smut #bts angst #bangtan sonyeondan

[h0eznth]

stained.

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!ghafa!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, established relationship

warnings: mentions of reader’s trauma, description of murder (reader’s/inej’s parents), author input of (probably incorrect) lore, mentions of non-consensual sexual activities (only briefly mentioned, nothing major, related to the menagerie), kaz can push past his touch aversion with reader, kind of just a word vomit, mentions of food (pomegranates, obviously), let me know if i missed any :]

a/n: the ghafa!reader idea was inspired by @raven-steinderolo so credits to them for that idea ❤️ (big fan btw), the rest of the fic is all fresh from the mind.

my father had pomegranates at his house and as i was opening one to eat it, i got this idea for a kaz fanfic. i’m probably a bit rusty coming back into the writing scene so please be patient- but i hope you enjoy nonetheless!!

every time the coach pulled by strong, black horses passed that street, she looked to see if her cat was sitting outside of the long abandoned house, waiting for her return; every time, the cat was never there.

after a month of being left alone in that hell hole full of prostitution and lustful men, the coach finally came back. this time, as the black leathered box passed the street, she hadn’t looked up. her eyes were casted down, only peering out of the rain-stained window once the light of the passing village had struck her by surprise.

she hadn’t looked up.

she hadn’t seen if the cat was awaiting her return.

besides being a show for men young and old to pry their eyes at, she was a maid. a cook’s maid. she only did one thing. she peeled the pomegranates.

she picked only the ripest ones, squeezing it to hear the crack of its bones. the sharpest knife in the kitchen would enter her hand. the fruit bled out onto the wooden cutting board placed beneath it. she picked up one half at a time, squeezing the sides with both of her hands as hard as her muscles could muster, watching the remaining blood and few seeds fall into the bowl.

then, she’d get to work. she’d crack the skin, plucking out the stubborn red speckles that latched onto the white silk within the confined walls of the pomegranates.

that’s all she was used for. that’s all the world saw her as able to proceed with. that and pleasuring the disturbed horniness of the men who didn’t care for consent.

her sister was no different, except she never knew how to crack open a pomegranate, how to touch it as if it were a virgin.

there was one thing the sisters shared, though. it seemed that inej had passed down her ability to be silent. the wraith — a most unsuspecting member of the crows passing her knowledge and traits down to her younger sister only to create two of the same person.

that’s how (Y/N) got out of the mess of the menargerie.

and that’s how inej came running up to her, on the ground, pulling the suli sister into a long mourned embrace.

“how on earth do we get these open?”

the three crows were gathered around a small basket, the contents inside of the straw-woven piece red and round. jesper picked one out, tossed it about before inej snatched it off of him, placing the fruit back where it was picked from.

“has anyone actually opened a pomegranate before?” kaz asked, hands on his cane as if it was his default stance. jesper stayed silent, watching the pomegranates as if they could grow legs and run away. inej perked her head up, eyes lighting up with an idea.

“i know someone who can,” the suli girl’s lips pulled into a smirk, feeling the presence of a wanted crow on her back.

“you called?”

(y/n) stepped beside her sister, a hand instinctively wrapping around inej’s bicep. surprisingly, kaz gave a little jump, one gloved hand coming up to rest on his fast paced heart. not so surprisingly, jesper gave a yelp and asked for the umpteenth time, ‘how does she do that?’.

(y/n) looked down to the basket of pomegranates, a frown forming on her lips. inej instantly took notice of the shift in demeanour. it was then that she remembered, she remembered how her sister was taken away every week for one night then brought back a few hours later. a sorry look crossed inej’s eyes, though (y/n) paid it no attention.

before anyone could speak up on the matter, she stepped forward, rolling up the sleeves of her white button up, taking the basket in her hands and disappearing into the small, clammy kitchen that hid behind the bar.

(y/n) picked up the fruit. she squeezed it to hear the crack of its bones. she picked the sharpest knife in the kitchen. the fruit bled out onto the cutting board, small stains of red appearing on her shirt. she picked up one half at a time, squeezing the sides with both of her hands as hard as her muscles could muster, watching the remaining blood and few seeds fall into a bowl. then, she got to work. she cracked the skin, plucking out the stubborn red speckles that latched onto the white silk within the confined walls of the pomegranates.

it was all the same. she saw her young hands below her, soaked in the juice. the dark red stains always reminded her of blood. the blood of her mother as her father stabbed into her back before their baby girl. the blood of her father as she did the same to him, forcing the man to watch himself bleed dry in the mirror before him.

inej had held her after her doing, telling (y/n) that everything was going to be okay. that they were safe now. they thought so. back then, they were.

but when (y/n) looked down at her stained hands and shirt, she knew the hand holding her shoulder wasn’t inej’s. instead of leather, she felt skin. his skin.

kaz’s hand.

she hadn’t realised the tears that had slipped from her eyes. the salty water slipping from her cheeks down her neck.

kaz pulled her to face the side, rubbing a warm, wet cloth over her hands to rid of the red. he unbuttoned her shirt, slipping it off of her shoulders before replacing the soaked material with a shirt of his own. he knew the scent of his cologne always calmed (y/n). the smell of smoke, whiskey and rain mixed all into a muse of kaz himself.

the waters hadn’t risen. he no longer felt the salty liquid lapping at his calves, or his ankles, or his feet. the water no longer appeared when he touched (y/n). it was like that the first time they held hands after a heist. everything that night went smoothly after thinking of all the terrible outcomes. walking shoulder to shoulder, their fingers softly brushed against each other, slowly, but surely, their fingers interlinking with one another.

(y/n)’s breathing slowed to a steady pace. kaz always had that effect on her. their foreheads came to close the gap between their bodies; just a touch of skin-to-skin to tell each other the words ‘i’m here’.

kaz looked down to catch her line of sight, placing a soft kiss to her lips. it felt as if the world around them didn’t exist. the loud buzzing of the crow club dialing down to a low murmur as their lips connected. how (y/n) could’ve used this as a young girl. stuck in that kitchen, the voices in her head screaming at her.

before, all she saw was her father’s blood on her hands. now, she can push past the longing trauma to see fruit that she’d probably bring an extra bowl up to her partner deep into the night as he worked.

“hope is dangerous,” kaz opened his eyes to look at his lover, who was already gazing up at him in awe. “clouds your judgement.” (y/n) finished.

before, that sentence was used to push each other away. now, it’s a way of grounding each other.

hope is dangerous.

if you hope he was still alive somehow, despite the countless blood stains on that mirror, it’ll come back to haunt you. don’t let it haunt you.

clouds your judgement.

i’m not him. you can stab me all you like, i’ll love you like he never could.

#kaz brekker #six of crows #soc #shadow and bone #shadow & bone #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker fanfiction #reader is inej’s sister #ghafa!reader #inej ghafa #kaz x reader #jesper fahey #leigh bardugo #books #fanfiction #fem reader #female reader

[bts-0t-7]

The Royal Calling | JJK

header by @liveyun Pair: Jungkook x F Reader 

Summary: In the midst of surviving, you find yourself in a sticky situation. Your connection with the King, Jeon Jungkook, had you afraid for your life. Certainly, he wouldn’t kill you… Right? But slowly, you figured out your place in the depths of the castle and you yearned to live. 

Genre: Fluff, non-idol au, werewolf au, royalty au, strangers to lovers (s2l)

Chapter Warnings: Abuse, PTSD, death, a little bit of self-degradation

A/N: I would have split this into a few different parts if it wasn’t for the fact that I wanted to make sure the year started with an OT7 fic. HEH - I would MAKE IT HAPPENNN- So yes, here is the first 10k+ fic :)) And to @liveyun, thanks for the header. I LUB YOU hehe 💜🌟

WC: 11,051

You were done for. 

You knew you were done for. 

There was no need for any form of explanation. The moment you stepped into the ballroom, you knew that the talking would start. 

Since you were young, you never really knew your parents, only hearing from the pack’s elders that your mother passed away giving birth to you and your father had soon followed after his mate. Your earliest memories of your father weren’t bad at all. You remembered him being all smiley and happy, always doing his best to make you treasured. 

So when he didn’t pick you up at kindergarten one day, you grew fussy. The pack alpha had suddenly come and taken you away, telling you the news. Up till today, you could remember the way he broke it to you - with a monotonous voice, void of any remorse or form of emotion. 

“Your father died. You will stay with us now and earn your keep.”

That was all you remembered before you were thrown to the kitchen staff. Being young, you didn’t quite grasp the understanding of what was happening. All you could do then was cry. The maids and guards had tried their best to shelter you as you grew up, but with your Alpha ruling, nothing didn’t reach his eyes and ears. 

Growing up, you never once cursed your family. With the help and slow-paced learning, you grew to understand the situation of your family thanks to the help of the maids. They always give you the easiest task - the less strenuous ones - taught you all that they knew, and fed you extra portions. The guards would sneak you books and poems and teach you after their shifts. The people in your pack were not all bad. 

But as you started growing into adolescence and older, the maids and guards who cared for you grew old as well. So you started taking on their responsibilities, doing the harsh labour work without complaint. Soon, the shelter broke down its walls as well and people started seeing you more often. That was when you got the first taste of real dirt. 

“How dare you! You slut! You - you -” The woman in front of you screeched in outrage but you were in a daze. Blood pooled in your mouth as you lay on the ground, unmoving and in shock.

It wasn’t until the alpha came and pulled you up did you attempted to get up on wobbly feet. Only to be shoved down again. “You will not speak, look, or hear to a single person in this pack. You are nothing and no one. Know your place, omega.”

You thought to give people around a chance. You weren’t to say - weak. But as your second gender tells you, you had a disadvantage to the majority of your peers. The guards have taught you self-defense but you never showed signs of using them. You were the runt of the pack and you should know your place. If you showed signs of studies, the alpha would be ruthless to those who taught you. 

And you did not need anybody else dying. 

So you kept silent and continued to work - not speaking, not looking, not hearing anything that the people in the pack talk about. But you sure were not completely deaf. You knew - you understood - yes, you just stayed unfazed. 

And you thought that you could remain unfazed for the rest of your life until the alpha came into the kitchen one day and grabbed you off to the sides, pushing you against the wall and saying, “As much as I hate to let you go, all eligible women must attend the King’s royal ball this Friday. You will not have anything to wear. You will wear what you have on now.” He pushed you against the wall even harsher, arms pressing against your ribcage. You fought to breathe. “If I see that you do not wear this, I will personally strip you myself.”

You shivered at the tone of his voice. Feeling too exposed and humiliated, you nodded as the alpha let you go. You immediately scurried back to the kitchen, breathing deep puffs through your mouth. 

“What got you so flushed, darling?” Marion asked. 

You shook your head. “Nothing, Aunt. I just - Nothing.”

She knew something was up - you knew that much and was thankful that she did not pry any further. 

It was Wednesday when Alpha told you about the ball on Friday. Not that you had anything to prepare, of course. You were forced to wear your housekeeping clothes to the Royal Ball. You had prepared yourself for the extravagance - but it was insufficient. All the cars took you directly outside and everybody was wearing makeup, dressed in the finest gowns, expensive hairpins, and flaring updos. 

You, on the other hand, wore rags compared to their dresses, your hair a mess, and in no way anything could be done to it. 

You felt the stares and snickers of other ladies as you exited the bus. 

You felt so self-conscious.

Everybody from different regions, different backgrounds, different packs - came today to celebrate the King’s birthday in the tradition of a royal ball. You could see the looks of disgust from the court members and sympathy from the royal servants. But you didn’t want to look up. You wanted a large black hole to just swallow you whole - or home would be a good choice too. 

“Remember, know your place, omega.” Alpha reminded you before walking off.

You weaved through the mass of beautifully dressed women to a corner of the room. As the orchestra started, you watched with a wistful gaze at the elegance the women possessed in their dances. You watched them through your hair, under your lashes, until ladies caught you and snickered your way. 

You could hear the whispers and probes, the hurtful comments that were flung your way. This Friday was not a day where you could keep your emotions at bay with a nonchalant expression. 

No. Not today. 

You hid behind the curtain of your hair, humiliated and on the verge of tears. You didn’t wish to be here. You truly didn’t. Squeezing your eyes shut, you tried to regulate your shallow breathing. You didn’t want to get punished when you went back to the pack. But if you didn’t get your body under control, you would be. 

And you had enough unhealed cuts and bruises - your body couldn’t afford any more for the time being. Your flight response pushed you to react when a group of ladies walked past you, flaunting themselves. 

But everybody stopped in their tracks the moment the large oak doors banged open. You flinched at the loud, sudden sound, gaining a glare from your alpha. You weren’t making out alive this time. Loud heavy footsteps approached, a voice powerfully projecting into the room asked, “Where is she?”

All eyes turned to you as you cowered back in fear.

You truly weren’t making it out alive. 

You wore rags to the King’s birthday royal ball. Of course you would get a punishment. You just feared what type of royal punishment you would have to face. Beatings back in your pack have already weakened you and if it was any worse than those, you might as well have your soul float to heaven (or crawl to hell) first - before he reaches you.

But nothing goes the way one plans anyway. Expensive, shiny boots stopped in your vision. 

Then, you felt a large, warm hand caress your cheek. Squeezing your eyes hard, you anticipated the incoming blow. But you weren’t ready for the man in front of you to ask, “Who did this to you?”

You didn’t dare look up. 

“Look at me.” 

You were truly done for.

You couldn't figure out if this was a trick order or not - so you kept your head down, afraid of breaking royal protocol. Not that you knew any. 

The hand on your cheek moved down to your chin and tilted your head up. Your eyes met with the most chocolate, Bambi eyes you have seen. But they darkened and hardened the moment they grazed your face that your cheeks burned and you immediately averted your gaze. 

He doesn’t want us. 

Mate doesn’t want us. 

“Tell me, who did this to you?”

You didn’t dare answer him. Unable to help yourself, tears streamed down your cheeks from the pressure that you were placed under. It has been boiling and now, being called out and rejected, you didn’t know how to control such immense emotions. 

You were not expertly versed in the common language as most of the maids back home spoke mostly the Old Language. You used that more often and only during your nightly classes with the guards did you practise the common language. 

Thumbs rubbed your cheek as you found the warmth of another hand landing on your other cheek, wiping away your tears. Slowly, you peeked open your eyes and found yourself looking straight into the eyes of your mate.

The werewolf king.

Jeon Jungkook. 

Jungkook hated parties. 

Perhaps hate was too harsh a word to use. Dislike was more like it. 

Jungkook absolutely disliked parties. 

He felt that they were a waste of time and energy. But as the werewolf king, his birthday was always celebrated with a royal ball. Just like all others before him. So he just sucked it up and let the council prepare them. But he has not gone to those parties in years. All he does is make an appearance and leave. Those attendees look for a mate in him and he refuses to mate with anybody that isn’t his true mate. 

Call him a romanticist, cause he is. 

But of course, the old folks of the council did not appeal his decision. Not that he could care any less. He was 26 and he needed to produce an heir for the kingdom soon. Jungkook felt an impending headache coming his way. Pressing two fingers to his temples, he rubbed them and sighed. 

He would wait, even if it was an eternity for his true soul. 

Jungkook was in the middle of signing off new policies to be implemented when he smelt a fresh, new scent wafting in the palace. His study was far from the entrance of the palace so he was confused as to how he could sense such a scent from so far away. 

Jungkook had always been sensitive to scents since young, therefore his lodgings have been the farthest from the city, located at the back with fresh air and trees. Intrigued, Jungkook got up and followed his instincts. It led him to the ballroom where his supposedly birthday party was held. 

Now, he got a clearer waft of the intoxicating scent as he realised the sour notes to it. It made his nose crinkle and brows furrow. Why would one be so afraid? What caused one to be so afraid?

Jungkook couldn’t sense any outbreaks in the room so he wasn’t sure what was causing it. The echoing sounds did not make his headache any better either. 

Just as he was about to enter, three guards surrounded him. “Your Majesty,” Paul, the Head Captain, bowed. “Apologies for our tardiness, we did not expect you so early.” 

Jungkook was quick to dismiss the apology. “No need, I wasn’t supposed to be here anyways. I was just following instinct.”

He could see the confusion in the guards' faces before Paul said, “We will follow you, Your Majesty.”

Jungkook opened the large doors and demanded, “Where is she?”

All sounds seem to be sucked out of the room in an instant. The next breath, there was an obvious pathway to the scent he had found for the past fifteen minutes. The first thing he saw was your scent. You were cowering in fear - of him or of the attention you were currently receiving, he wasn’t too sure. 

Next, he realised your clothes. Why would anybody allow you to wear those? Unless you were a maid in your pack. Even so, this was his royal ball and if his council was to be trusted, not one of the people came in housekeeping clothes. Unless -

The last thing he realised was your bruises. While you did a great job at concealing most of them with your hair, Jungkook could see those peeking under your clothes when you shift on your feet. 

Wanting to confirm his suspicions, Jungkook walked towards you, caressing your cheek and tilting your head upwards. He saw your eyes before your bruises - what a beautiful shade they were. 

But your bruises. Whoever your pack’s alpha was - 

He saw the change in your eyes - from a split second of mesmerisation to hurt and pain and… tears?

Jungkook moved on instinct the moment he felt his hands getting wet. Bringing his other hand up, he wiped your tears off your cheeks. You had scrunched up your eyes and tensed your body as if - as if waiting for a hit, Jungkook realised. 

He was pissed. Beyond pissed. 

But for you, he would hold it in. 

He was afraid of scaring you if he were to show his true colours now. His anger was one thing that the court feared as he was known to do anything that he put his mind to - and he was harder to handle when angry. 

When he looked back at you, he saw your eyes slowly opening, revealing the soul that he had waited for forever. 

Right then, he knew that he would break down mountains if it meant to keep you safe. 

“Find her pack alpha and bring him to me.” Jungkook commanded the guards beside him. Gently tugging on your sleeve, he held out his palm. He saw your hesitancy to take it and decided to just bite the lead and do it. Sliding his hands to yours, he connected them and pulled you along. 

Jungkook led you out of the ballroom, ensuring to keep an eye on you at all times to see how much more you can take. “Shall we walk to my quarters? I have a few guest rooms there that you can stay at if you like.” 

You nodded your head and followed him. He wasn’t sure what prompted you to trust him so much but he sure wasn’t going to let this chance go to waste. 

Leading you to the room one room down from him, Jungkook opened the door and led you in. Turning on the lights, he was about to give you a tour of the room when he spotted you standing still at the threshold. Your eyes were big as your mouth dropped open. Jungkook felt like he could just faint at that very moment. The way your eyes sparkled with mesmerisation, taking everything in was -

“You can stay for as long as you want. Nobody will hurt you here, I can promise you that.” Jungkook proposed. “I know my words won’t cut it but I truly hope you would stay. Even if it’s just for a little while, please?”

The room that the werewolf king had assigned you was beyond any of your imagination. It was extravagant but not too much and their colours flowed beautifully with each other. The werewolf king had begged you to stay and seeing it made you feel a little… bad. So you gave in, nodding. You saw the way his eyes light up and his steps held a little spring in them as he led you around the room. 

Cute.

Your eyes widened at the thought. No, no, no. This is the werewolf king. You were not allowed - not worthy - of thinking like that. 

“You are allowed to do as you wish here. Nobody will stop you. If you want anything, you can just order it.” 

You nodded silently. You didn’t need much. 

The clothes in the wardrobe provided you with everything you needed and more. It was more than necessary and you were extremely grateful. The underwear may or may not be your size but one quick look at it made you quite certain with a little adjustments, it would fit just well. As the king familiarised you with the room, he pointed out certain spaces and things that had comfy spaces. 

Plushies, plushes, fluffy rugs, fluffy pillows… It felt like fluff heaven. 

“My room is just a room down.” The king told you. His hands were in front of him, wringing them as if he were worried about your reactions to how he came off. “And erm… Please just call me Jungkook or Kook or Kookie works too! Or anything you want!” 

His Majesty is spiralling.

You nodded but you weren’t going to talk much, you knew that. In case you were to say something wrong, at least you wouldn’t have that chance if you didn’t open your mouth. This way, you would be as safe as possible. You had not seen and experienced the punishments in the royal family. You did not want to push anybody’s buttons to know what goes down behind the doors. 

As His Majesty left the room, you walked straight to the bed first, taking the throw and the neatly folded blankets, piling them onto the floor and curling up in the fluff. You did not want to sleep on the bed, lest that this was a trail. 

To see how much of the king’s generosity you would take for granted. 

You took none, of course. But you did not want others to think that you took it all. Folding the materials over your eyes and covering your body, you fell into an unfruitful sleep. 

It had probably been a few hours since you fell asleep but you were woken up by the rumbling of thunder and flashes of lightning. Curling deeper into the warm depths of the blankets, you whimpered, trying to hide away from the sounds. The rumbling reminds you too much of that day when you dug in the mud. 

You did not remember much of that day. All that came back was you ferociously digging in the mud of your father’s burial, hysterically begging for him to come back. 

“Papa! Papa, please! Papa -  Y/N’s sorry! I’m sorry! I promise I’ll be a good girl and do my homework. Papa - please come back - PLEASE-” Soil in your nails, mud water soaking up your skirt, and blood pouring out of your head from the hit you took when sliding down. 

You couldn’t believe your ears. You didn’t want to believe. 

You father wasn’t dead - your father couldn’t be -

He sent you to school this morning. He looked normal. Why did he leave now? 

“PAPA PLEASE! Y/N’s sorry! PAPA PLEASE-”

You were sobbing in the rain, hurting but refusing to move. Only when you heard the head chef, Aunt Marion call for you, her warm hands coming to scoop up your small form and carried you back. That night, she tended to your wounds, the both of you letting the silence speak for itself. 

Your grief and sorrow, she knew, will never heal. 

Loosing a parent is tough, but you can’t let it squash you.

She cared for you, always giving you more portions for dinner, ensuring that you had more than enough to eat. 

After that day, whenever it rained, you always ran to one of the maid’s rooms, hiding under the covers with the warmth of the aunts. They had always soothed you and sung you to sleep. As you grew up, you tried to lessen the times that you went to their room, only occasionally during the harsher seasons do you sleepover in their cots with them. 

Now you were all by yourself, in a large room and full length windows, giving you the full view of the lighting and echoing sounds of thunder. Trying to make yourself as small as possible, you squeezed your eeys shut, hoping that you would go back to sleep. But minutes passed and by the time it was past thirty minutes, you were getting tired of trying. 

Slowly getting up, you curled the blankets around yourself and let is trail behind you as you walked out of the room. Just as you were exiting the room, lighting struck and thunder boomed, making you flinch and squeak in fright.

You left the door to your room slightly open and stood outside for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to do next. Deciding to follow your scents and instincts, you walked down to the room beside the spiral staircase, the largest door in the level. 

You stood outside, hands formed in a fist as you contemplated knocking or not. Deciding to knock incase you interrupt something you shouldn’t, you winced a the sound echoing throughout the silent hallway. 

When nobody opened the door, you bit the lead and opened it slightly, peaking in to see His Majesty staring at you with a bed hair sticking in all directions. His sleepy eyes squinted and roamed your form, making you feel self-conscious. It seem to take a while for him to relasie that you were standing there. 

But by then, you were already squeaking out a “sorry” and closed the door.

Jungkook was having a good dream. 

A brilliant dream - to be honest. 

He was playing around in a field of flowers, prancing around like a kid again. Rolling about in the mud and making his fur dirty - oh, he couldn’t care less. 

It felt nice to be free. 

But he was woken up by the sudden rapping against his bedroom door. 

Jungkook was known to be a heavy sleeper. He does not wake easily so when he woke up, distorted at the sound, Jungkook found himself wondering why he even woke up. It wasn’t until his sleep-muggled brain registered that you were standing at his door, wrapped up in layers of blankets. Your soft apology made it to his ears and he immediately left the warm confinements of his bed. 

“Hey-” He winced at his own voice cracking, hoarse from the lack of use. 

At least it stopped you from completely closing his door. 

Your little eyes peaked through the small hole left between the door and Jungkook felt like he could melt right there and then. You looked adorable in the buddles of blankets. Walking to the door, he gently opened it, afraid that is he moves too fast it might frighten you. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He carefully brought his hands up to you, not forgetting the way your instincts acted up at the ball a few hours ago. He did not want to trigger anything he doesn’t understand or know, much less give you a reason to fear him. 

You shook your head at his question, your luscious locks waving with the direction. 

Just then, lightning stuck, lighting up the whole room as the loud snap of the thunder followed. You jumped, whimpering as you hid in the thick blankets even more. 

The storm. 

You were afraid of the storm. 

Running his hand through his sleep-mussed hair, he pushed the door open and slid his hands through yours, gently tugging you into his room. He felt a sense of pride when he realised that you had came to his room, seeking his comfort. 

Leading you to the bed, he brought back the thick quilt and gestured for you to get in. You stood a the foot of his bed for a few seconds, hesitant to enter until Jungkook sat on the bed and gave your linked hands a little pull. Giving in, you entered his bed as he tucked you in. Heading to the other side of the bed, Jungkook crawled in and snuggled beside you. 

Oh, how much he just wanted to wrap his arms around you but he did not want to frighten you. 

He watched as you slowly fell asleep, curling into yourself while facing him, soft whispers coming out of your mouth. Smiling to himself, Jungkook tucked the quilt higher, making sure that you were warm before falling asleep himself. 

He woke up the next morning before you did. The gloomy weather made it a comfortable weather to sleep in but he had things to complete - one of them being setting a suitable punishment for your old alpha. He had a hint who it was, seeing the old egoistic man glare at you when he lead you out of the ballroom. 

Suitable punishment. 

Jungkook scoffed. That old man should be hung for treating the queen that way. 

Looking over, Jungkook found your sleeping form curled up against his. A soft smile grew on his lips as he brought a gentle hand up to your cheek, tucking your hair behind your ears. He didn’t know what were your boundaries to cross and not to cross so he did not -

Sighing, he carefully extracted himself off of your hold. He wanted to get the punishment over with before you woke up. Your brows furrowed as you mumbled in you sleep. Pushing his heavily scented pillow in your hold and pulling the quilt higher, you easily fell back asleep. Quietly, Jungkook got himself ready for the day and left the room. 

Soft silky texture glided through your hands as you struggled to force yourself awake. You had to get up and do the chores. You were sure your alarm had -

Your alarm!

You shot out of bed, hands flinging in the direction of your clock only to collide with a vase of flowers instead. You did not manage to catch it in time and it crashed onto the floor. Jumping out of the bed, you forced your sudden disorientation to go away. Dizzy, you got to your knees as you started to frantically pick up the pieces. 

You were going to get punished either way, it is better if you clean up before His Majesty comes back in. This way, you hoped to get a lighter punishment for destroying his properties. 

Hurried footstep sounded your way and you sped up the process, trying to finish the impossible before - 

You were brought out of your thoughts when blood started trickling onto the floor, staining the quilt of the red. By now, you were fricking out. The large doors banged open and large boots stopped in front of you and warm hands caught yours. 

“Darling!” 

You pried your hands out of his, trying to continue with your work. 

Please, please, please - don’t punish me so harshly. Please, please, please -

But the warm hands did not move. They held yours firmly. 

“Hey, hey. Look at me, look at me.” You shook your head. You needed to continue. You couldn’t speak, look, or hear. You were nothing. 

The same set of hands pulled you to your feet and out of the area where the broken ceramic lie. You fought out of the hold but he was firm. “Look at me, look at me.”

His hands came to your cheeks, forcing your eyes to meet his. “Follow my breathing. Follow me.”

One, two, one, two, three. 

One, two, one, two, three.

This went on all while you could hear the maids cleaning up the broken pieces. As your breathing calmed down, the adrenaline started to wear off and you felt exhausted. Gentle pats to your back did not help the heaviness of your eyelids. In fact, it made them worse. You were just about to fall back asleep when a sudden clearing of throat on your left jolted you awake. 

Remembering where you were and in what position you were at, you immediately scrambled off. Bowing, head to the ground and palms up, you begged for His Majesty’s forgiveness. But you did not dare to talk lest you say anymore things to trigger his anger. You could only hope His Majesty would understand your position. 

You felt hands grab you around your armpits and you flinched, waiting for a blow. But when none came, you pried open your eyes to see your surroundings. His Majesty was sitting on the floor beside you, holding you up while caressing your cheek. 

“Hey darling.” 

You blinked. Were you not going to be punished for your incompetence?

“I told you that nobody would hurt you here.” His Majesty pointed to himself. “Not even me. If I hurt you, you have all the rights to do as you wish with me.”

You were confused. You were suppose to be the one who is at fault. Why is His Majesty the looking like a guilty puppy?

As the both of you sat together, you took the time to observe the room and soon realised that the both of you were the only ones inside. Suddenly feeling conscious, you ducked your head, letting your hair cover half of your face. As you looked down, you saw that your palms were tended to. The blood has stopped flowing and they were firmly bandaged. 

The silence between you stretched long and thin that you decided to get up and clean up the rest of the mess. Walking over, you expected to see half changed sheets or leftover flowers and water on the floor. But all you see is clean, crisp sheets and a new vase with a different set of flowers sitting on the table. 

Turning back around, you were about to get on your knees to apologise again when His Majesty stopped you. “That’s enough.” You faltered. 

Uh-oh.

“No more bowing, no more apologies.” His Majesty put out his palms, facing them up. Why is he placating you? “Can you do that for me? No more saying sorry. Break what you want to, don’t apologise for it. Okay?”

You didn’t agree to it.

You couldn’t agree to it. There has to be a catch somewhere. Life is never so easy. 

“In return,” There is it. “I would like you to go for fittings tomorrow and find out your hobbies. I want to know what you like and what you dislike. Is it a fitting enough trade?”

NO! NO IT WASN’T! 

You were suppose to be told to do cleaning, top to bottom, ensure that the whole castle deos not have a single speck of dust or something! You were - 

“You are my mate. You are the future Queen of the kingdom. You may do as you wish. I will not stop you and nobody will stop you. But I think we should go -”

“O-okay.” You croacked. You had not spoken for more than a day, voice cracking at the lack of use. 

You saw His Majesty’s eyes light up like a kid on Christmas and you swear your heart stumbled. 

“Okay, okay… erm… What’s your name?” 

The favour has started. 

“Y/N. L/N Y/N, Your Majesty.” You whispered, seeing his brows furrow at the title. 

“Jungkook is fine, darling.”

Darling -

(Ehm.)

You nodded.

“Say it.”

You were hesitant. I mean - who wouldn’t? The king of werewolves is asking you to say his given name, jumping up and down like a bunny, eyes sparkling when he looks at you. “Say it, say it.”

You blinked multiple times at him. Is he… for real? Is this a test?

“Please? You can’t call me by my title. I refuse.”

… You weren’t certain if you were in front of the king or a kid.

“Ju-Jungkook.”

The king shot up from the loveseat he was on and clapped his hands. “Now just call me that from now on and -”

The doors opened to reveal a man clad in an expensive suit and glasses sitting neatly on the bridge of his nose. He held a stack of books and papers in his arms. You instantly looked down, afraid to look the man lest he is someone you should never piss off. 

“Well, I heard a commotion and decided to come up to take a peak. Guess it was cleaned up before I could come in.” The man said. God, it must have been a test. And you failed it. 

“Namjoon Hyung!” His Majesty bounded over to the man and gave him a big hug. 

“Hey Kook.” You envied their easy affection for each other. You were only mates to the king by bond but his heart is somewhere else. You didn’t want to stay and intrude any further. Ducking your head even further down to your chest, you mumbled out a soft apology and bolted to your room. You had overstayed your stay and it is time to go back. 

To reality. 

Jungkook felt the ache in his chest before you left. 

And then he felt it grow that he winced at the pain, rubbing over the area, trying to ease it up. But he knew that there was nothing that could ease up the pain unless it you felt happier. He wanted to introduce you to his Hyung. Surely, he did not expect him to be out of the library, but he thought that it was a good way to slowly introduce you to his inner circle of the council. The very people who help him make the choices and keep the kingdom safe. 

But the moment you saw Namjoon, he could see the light leave your eyes as you ducked your head lower. He was about to call out to you when you bolted off, and all Jungkook heard was hte soft thud of a room door closing. 

Sighing, Jungkook pushed his hair back. Namjoon came into the room, putting down his books before saying, “That girl is scared. You can’t rush it.”

“I know. But it’s just… So hard.”

“Patience Kook, patience.” 

So with nothing much to do, the both of them sat in the room and went through the piles of letters, policies, and numerous talks on philosophy. As the morning soon turned to afternoon, the servants came in to inform Jungkook that you had your lunch in the room. He was relieved to hear that you ate. Afternoon then turned to evening and when the servants entered the dining room where he was eating with the rest of his inner circle, they informed him that you weren’t eating. 

More like refusing to eat. 

You would tell the servants to leave the food there but when they went back an hour later, the food was untouched and you were bundled in a corner of the room - refusing to move. Jungkook sighed and looked at the food infront of him, appetite now long gone. Ordering for a bowl of porridge, he piled it up with meat, vegetables, and crispy rolls. He wasn’t sure what you liked and what you didn’t like so this wild guess was… truly a wild one. 

Heading up to your room with the bowl and spoon in hand, he knocked on your door. Hearing no answer, he knocked again. This time he pushed open the door and entered. The first thing he saw were your neatly piled clothes on the bed and then your bundled form on the floor, covered in layers and layers of fluffy blankets. 

Jungkook took a note that you liked anything plush and fluffy. Putting the bowl and spoon on the bedside table, he softly walked over to you, however purposefully creaking a few floorboards to inform you of his presence.

And it worked, of course. Your ears twitched and sleepy eyes travelled up to meet his. Kneeling on the ground to get to your eye level, Jungkook held out his hand to your snout. You sloppily sniffed him up before uncurling and dragging the blankets along with you by your bum. Jungkook chuckled at your attempt and slid himself closer, allowing you to rest your sleepy head on his thighs. 

Stroking your silky grey ears, you let out a tummy rumble. 

“I’m sorry for just now. I didn’t know Namjoon Hyung was coming. Things will go at your pace, I promise. Plus, Namjoon Hyung has a mate so don’t you worry your little furry head over the word ‘jealousy’, okay? They are happily mated.” Jungkook chuckled. He figured out why you left when he was reading a poetry on Achilles and Patroclus. “Namjoon Hyung is part of my inner circle in the council and I hope to be able to introduce you to them one day. We… We can be quite chaotic and I don’t want you to run away right now.”

Jungkook half-hugged the frame of your wolf. “I can’t let you go!” Jungkook sobbed hysterically. 

Your wolf below him huffed as if knowing his little tricks. 

The both of you sat in comfortable silence as Jungkook’s hand continued to stroke through your fur, providing you with a sense of comfort while his body heat warmed you. An alpha’s body heat is naturally higher than an omega’s and is able to better regulate itself compared to yours. It wasn’t until a particularly harsh wind forced the windows shut, the bang of it causing you to jum up in fright. 

Bringing your head to his, Jungkook told you with stern eyes, “You have to eat dinner. It has turned cold. Even the wind agrees.”

Getting up, Jungkook left you whining and trailing after him. After ensuring that the windows are shut and locked, he picked up the bowl of food and sat on the bed, patting the side as a gesture for you to join him up. Leaping, you curled around him, seeking his warmth again. 

“No, no, no. No going back to bed. Come on.” Jungkook lifted your head off the bed and pinched your tail, earning a yap and flick. “Come on. Shift back and have some food then you can go back to sleep.”

Your eyes slid to him before flattening to slits as if you were the one hunting him. That made a sense of fear and adrenaline course through him. But before he can say anything, you jumped off the bed and headed for the wardrobe, emerging later in comfortable pajamas. 

Holding the bowl out to you, Jungkook wasn’t sure if you wanted to eat by yourself or -

You plopped down beside him and opened you mouth. 

Well… Safe to say, he chose the wrong option. 

You wanted to be fed. So Jungkook obliged his sleepy mate, ensuring that every bite goes down before he feeds you another. You did not make it through half the bowl before you started falling asleep on him again so Jungkook decided that it was a better option to just let you sleep rather than to force you food. Careful with your hair, Jungkook laid you on the bed before going to the washroom and coming back with a warm cloth to wipe your mouth. 

Your hands seeked his warmth as he left the bed. Tucking you in, Jungkook turned off the lights - save for the washroom’s - and cracked open the windows, ensuring that it would not close in the middle of the night. Then he slid into bed with you immediately wrapping yourself around him. 

It felt like just a few hours ago he woke up in a similar position. Now, he went to sleep with the both of you working to better understand the other. 

You woke up to light snores and a curly head of hair in your face. Squinting at the sunlight that streamed through the curtains, you hid your face in the being next to you. Colliding with a warm chest, you tilted your head up to see His Majesty’s sleeping form beside you. 

Turning the wheels back, you recalled what happened last night and decided that it was not a good idea to scream. 

Namjoon Hyung has a mate.

Don’t worry your fluffy head over this.

I would like to introduce you to them one day.

Things will go at your pace, I promise.

Perhaps, you could try. If His Majesty is trying for you, why say you can’t do the same? It is a choice that you knew only you could make. 

We can be a little chaotic. 

You could try. There was nobody to say - significant - in your life to introduce to His Majesty but he does. So you would like to know his friends as well. You were good at cooking, Aunt Marion has taught you much. 

I want to know your likes and dislikes. 

Deciding that you would make something that you loved for him to try as breakfast, you tried to shimmy your way out of his hold. But all he did was groan and turn over, essentially caging you between in body and the bed. Trying to wiggle out of his hold, all you did was wake him instead. 

“No…” His Majesty mumbled. “Noooo… Don’t goooo…”

“Let me out, please. I need the washroom, Your Majesty.”

His brows furrowed before groggily lifting his arm to let you escape. You left for the washroom to get ready and when you came back to the bedroom, His Majesty was already back in the dreamland. Lightly laughing, you toed out of the room and started exploring His Majesty’s lodging area. You had noted that it was the furthest from civilisation and had the well… best view, you suppose. Whenever you looked out, it was trees and forest. It made your wolf extremely happy. She was allowed to prance around without anybody scolding her. 

Carefully, you walked down steps until there were none and stopped. Now you didn’t know where to go. Not that you left much - you weren’t even certain how many stories you had climbed down. 

Eyes fluttering around, you start to grow nervous. You were in a completely new environment and you just… explored the place on your own?

Just as you were about to throw in the towel and head back up to probe His Majesty for directions, a chirpy “hello” broke you out of your trance. Whipping your head around, you stumbled backwards, barely catching your footing before you fell. In front of you stood a male with eyes like smiles and a lovely demeanour. 

Hoping that he wouldn’t be nasty, you cautiously asked, “Hello, may I know where the kitchen is?”

The man looked at you in shock. You weren’t sure why until he replied to you in the common language did you realise… you slipped back. “Hi! I’m Jimin.”

“I’m Y/N.” You replied softly. 

“Cool that you know the Old Language. Not many people know how to speak that anymore.” Jimin spoke with you with the comfort of the Old Language. His accent was much heavier, slurring the words at the end as they moulded around his lips.   

“The older folks in my pack understood mainly the Old Language so I picked up along the way.”

The both of you struck up conversations as Jimin led you to the kitchen. It was more of Jimin talking and you giving him one or two-word answers. It wasn’t that you did not have your fair share of socialisation. No, you had your classes, you knew how to talk - you just didn’t want to. Circles and circles the both of you walked, turns and turns he led you through, until you stopped by a set of large doors, wide open as you smelt the aroma wafted out. Feeling the sudden hunger, your stomach grumbled. 

“Are you… Hungry?” Jimin chuckled. 

You shook your head. 

Heading over to a chef, you slowly asked him, “May I know where the vegetables, seasoning, and dry ingredients are?”

The chef wiped the sweat off his forehead and pointed in their respective directions. Thanking him, you looked through each section and then headed for the refrigerator. You knew what you were going to make - one that Papa always made for you and a recipe that Aunt Marion learnt from you. 

You always craved them on days when you missed your dad and rainy weather. You never liked loud, harsh sounds and the fear amplified on that rainy day. It was your comfort food, one that was a staple in your diet. Sometimes, you’ll catch Aunt Marion making them early in the morning. You wondered how His Majesty would react to a food like this. Would he like it as much as you do or would he dislike it and ban it from the castle? You weren’t sure how you were going to survive without it.

After collecting all the ingredients needed, you walked over to the prepping station. Mixing the flour, salt, sugar, and grated garlic in a bowl, half a cup of yougurt, butter and lukewarm milk were poured in. With extra milk and butter on the side, you started mixing the ingredients to form a dough. Kneading until the dough gave a soft, elastic, and pliable texture, you covered it in a damp cloth and let it sit in a warm place. While the dough is resting, you turn to another station, bringing with you seven cloves of garlic and coriander leaves. 

Finely slicing the garlic cloves, you felt a sense of deja vu. Remembering when you used to help Papa make them for school time snacks so that you could share them with your friends. Shaking your head, you placed the garlic in a small dish before lightly washing the coriander leaves and finely chopping them. 

“What are you making?” You heard Jimin question you. 

“My comfort food.”

You turned around with the bowls in your hand, heading back to the prepping station when you saw Jimin pinching the cloth to lift it and peek under. Placing the bowls beside him, Jimin flinched, looking up at you with a sheepish expression.

“Oops?” 

You walked back to the station and washed up the chopping board and knives. Heading back to where Jimin stood, you uncovered the dough. Lightly greasing your fingers, you divided the dough into eight parts. You preferred smaller pieces, one that can be eaten quicker. Rolling them into balls, you arranged them back into the bowl neatly, covering them with the cloth again. It is important to keep them covered so that the dough does not lose its moisture. 

Sprinkling a little flour on the rolling board, you started rolling out the dough. Once you determine that it is a good size, sprinkle on some sliced garlic and coriander leaves. Slightly rolling them to stick, you set them aside, covering them with another damp cloth as you work on the rest of the dough. 

With the help of another chef, you managed to locate a non-stick pan and heat it over medium heat. Once the pan is deemed hot enough, you place a little water at the bottom of the naan before putting it onto the pan. When bubbles start to form, flip it, cooking until the other side forms bubbles as well. Flaming it on the other side directly on the stove gives the naan a little charred spots. 

Oh, those were your favourites. 

Once the naan is fully cooked, it is transferred to a cooling rack and as the others are cooking, you smear some butter on top with an extra garnish of coriander leaves. 

Constantly moving about, you usually wrap the naan in cloth, putting it in the small pocket under the apron you wore. So now looking at the cooling naan on the rack, you wondered what you could dip with it. Making it with ur favourite paneer butter masala is a no since you do not have enough time. 

“Why think so much? Just give it to him like that.”

You would love to but you were afraid that he would be offended that this was all you give him. A king is supposed to have a spread, not just one item. 

“Jungkook will like anything you make.” Jimin went over to the refrigerator and took out an unopened carton of banana milk. “Just give him with this. He raids the kitchen for this every morning either way.” Jimin placed the milk in your hands. 

Turning the carton over, you contemplated. You were afraid to be punished for not providing your king with what he deserves but his sworn brother told you that it does not truly matter. On the other hand, siblings can prank each other and you do not want to get in the middle of it. Then again, you didn’t know who else to listen to other than either yourself or Jimin. 

“If you’re thinking whether or not I am giving you the wrong information, trust me,” Jimin placed a hand on his chest and propped his right leg on a stool. “I would never give you the wrong sort of information. Plus, I haven’t given you anything to put me as a prankster and liar right?”

It was anything but right as Jimin’s eyes bore into yours with that mischievous smile. You were suspicious - for certain and with a good reason, no less - but you decided to try. Plating the naan and carrying the milk (it honestly made you raise your brows at it), you walked out of the kitchen. But just as you took a step out, you realised that… you didn’t know how to go back to His Majesty’s room. 

You turned back to ask Jimin to bring you along but you already found him behind you. You walked a little behind Jimin as he led you back. It was only when Jimin led you to the lift lobby did you realise, you took the hard and long way down. 

When you were outside His Majesty’s room, you could hear the soft snores through the doors. You had expected that His Majesty would have woken up by now considering that it was nine in the morning. 

“This is where I leave you. It was nice knowing you, My Lady. I hope to see you around soon.” Jimin bowed to you before walking back into the lift. 

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door and walked in. Lightly closing it behind you, you treaded on careful waters, placing the food on the bedside table before poking His Majesty’s arm in an attempt to wake him up. 

“Hmmm…” 

Poke.

“Hmmm…” His Majesty’s brows furrowed.

Poke. Poke. Poke. “Your Majesty.”

“Hmm…?”

“Your Majesty, I made something. Would you like to try?”

Jungkook was disoriented.

He thought you had come back to bed. When did you leave again?

Jungkook yawned as he sat up in the bed, staring at you. You were standing at the edge of his side of the bed, poking him awake. 

“Your Majesty, I made something. Would you like to try?”

Sure. He would love to. 

“Hmm…” He nodded but whined in retaliation when he didn’t manage to grab onto you in time as you left to walk around the bed. 

His sleepy eyes followed you the entire time and you came back with a carton of his favourite banana milk - how did you know? - and a plate of… bread? Jungkook got more alert. Oh, how he loves bread! Anything that contains flour is his favourite. Reaching for the food on the plate in an instant, he tore into it with a content sigh. It was only halfway through that he realised that the bread was not the usual one the servants would bring him. It was softer and held more flavour. 

“Hmmm!” Jungkook looked at you. “Hmm! What is this? It’s good!”

He saw the way you ducked your head as your cheeks turned a dusty shade of pink. Oh, how cute you were. Jungkook could abandon the bread in his hand to chew on your cheeks instead. 

“It’s garlic butter naan. My dad used to always make it for me so that I could bring it to school and share it with my friends. It became my comfort food.” He observed that you were fighting the itch to cover yourself. “I’m glad you like it, Your Majesty.”

Jungkook was proud that you tried to open up to him. He was beyond happy. 

“I like it. How long can they keep for?” 

Your furrowed brows made him go into another mini heart attack. “For normal naan, I’d say to keep its freshness, a month in the freezer should be good and about five days at room temperature.”

Jungkook chewed on the naan as he nodded. “How much can you make?”

“It depends on how long I am permitted in the kitchen, Your Majesty.”

There’s that again. Jungkook was not disappointed - just a little sad that you still didn’t trust him enough. 

“There is the main kitchen and the kitchen in this tower. You can use any for however long you like. There are no limitations. There are no limitations here, okay?”

You nodded at him. 

The silence dragged on comfortably as Jungkook continued to munch on his breakfast and drink his daily calcium while playing with your fingers. Your slender hands have done too much work - but Jungkook wouldn’t say. If you decide to continue with reading and sword training, he would be more than happy to oblige you.

But not housekeeping.

He hoped you would no longer think that you must clean the castle. Some servants are in charge of cleaning up and he hoped that you would leave it to them to do most of the work. 

“Your Majesty,” You turned to him. “I… I would like to learn how to properly fight and -”

“I have a friend who can help you! He commands the First Battalion!” 

“You,” Your eyes looked like they shined a thousand stars. “You would allow me to fight, Your Majesty?”

You said it with such hope in your voice that it hurts Jungkook’s heart. Exactly what did they do to you that the simplest indulgent made you look like that? If you wanted to fight, you may; if you wanted to read and create new things, you may; hell, if you wanted to burn the whole world down, he’ll burn it down with you.

Perhaps with a few exceptions. 

“Of course.”Jungkook brought his hand to your hair and hooked the strays behind your ear. “You don’t need anybody’s permission to do anything.” 

You looked so happy a that moment, eyes shining as if they were a thousand stars in the galaxy. 

“Come on. Let’s dress you in simple clothes today.”

“Oh! It’s you!” A head of brown locks dashed up to you and you were sure with his built, you would have tumbled onto the ground by now if it wasn’t for a bold hand grabbing him from the fabric of his waist and pulling him back. 

“Tae! Don’t be so rash!” The tall man chided him. 

“Aw, come on! I just wanted to give her a hug!” The man in his hold - Tae - thrashed and whined. But the man held firm. 

“You don’t know what she’s been through, don’t be so rash. What if all of our waiting goes back to square one because you wanted to give her a hug?”

You understood where they are coming from. They were afraid to wait longer to see you and you suppose you shouldn’t let them wait any longer. Pushing down your fears, you sturdily (at least you hoped it appeared sturdy) curtsied to the group of men in front of you. “Good morning. I am L/N Y/N. It is a pleasure to meet you.” Frequent pratice allowed the common language to smoothly roll off your tongue. 

“You’re quite educated, I see?” The same man that held back Sir Tae spoke, pushing up his glasses. His built - tall and muscular - made you feel like an ant next to him. 

“The guards and scholars would teach me in the night.” 

The man nodded, bowing at ninety degrees. “Scholar Namjoon, Your Majesty. I am pleased to be at your service.” 

Oh, he certainly looks like a scholar. While you never interacted with anybody during the morning to avoid any form of suspicions and rumours to spread in the pack, you have came across scholars at all hours of the day. They were always dressed to their finest, topped with the exuberance of elegance surrounding them. Even as the scholars who teach you during the night, wearing nothing more than a turnic and pants, remain that grace.  

Observing three of the similarly dressed men in the group, you deduced that they must all be scholars. Their clothing were prim, not a single wrinkle in sight. Even their ties were neatly tucked under their double-vested vests that are adorned with gold buttons. Their boots shine under their high waisted pants with silk gloves in the pockets of the coat. One of them took out a pocket watch before whispering in another shorter man’s ears. He stood tall himself as the man he looked over you. 

His eyes were as sharp as a cat’s and you felt stripped under his gaze. Bowing, the man introduced himself. “Yoongi, Your Majesty.”

You curtsied back to him. 

“Jungkook told us you had quite the… harsh upbringing.” Scholar Namjoon started. Wait - Jungkook? Not His Majesty? His Excellency? His.. something other than his name?! “But it seems that you had good teachers.”

You hastily looked over at His Majesty, eyes peeking from under your brows as they furrowed. You hoped that he wouldn’t be too angry that his people did not call him by his title. His Majesty looked over at you and smiled - and you felt like you’ve drifted. 

Turning back to the waiting group, you answered. “The guards and scholars in my previous pack have taught me well.”

A head poked out from across the wall before bounding over to your side. “My Lady! What are you doing here? Lost again?” Jimin whipped his head to the group and glared at the males in front, eyes saying What are you guys up to? 

“Do you know each other?” 

Jimin’s ears seem to pique at that question. “Yep! I’ve been with them since young! The seven of us are an inseparable group you know? Of course, with Jungkook at the head of the table.”

“Ju-Jungkook?” Your face pales again as your heart hammered in your chest. 

Please don’t be mad. Please don’t be mad. 

“Plus, he’s the youngest out of all of us so we get to tease him forever.” A male slapped His Majesty’s butt. His Majesty whined.

Oh no… Oh no, they’ve done it now. Violating the king’s sense of -

“Hey Y/N darling,” Large hands encompassed your cheeks. “Don’t worry. They’re always like that and they practically raised me through my adolescent years. Their my brothers. It’s alright, it’s alright.”

Brothers?

Oh?

Oh.

Your cheeks dusted a shade of pink as you held in the urge to bury your burning face in his Majesty’s cloak. Instead, your grip tightened on the fabric as you tried to cool down the rising heat. Jungkook can see the way you were holding back on running so he cupped the back of your neck and gently tugged you to his chest. With your head buried, you tightened you grip even more, as if he would disappear the moment you let go.

“Darling?” Jungkook brushed your hair back, fingers threading thorough your loose locks. “Can I introduce you to them?” 

You nodded, turning back to the group of boys waiting for your reply. His Majesty pointed to each one of them and started, “This is Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin, as you know. This is Soekjin, but you can just call him Jin.” He was the man who took out his pocket watch. “This is Hoseok or Hobi.” The cheerful guy who was clad in simple but expensive tunic and pants. “And lastly, this is Taehyung.” He was the one who wanted to give you a hug. You should return it sometime soon. 

Curtsying to the group, you quickly went back to the hold of your mate. You could see the cooing faces and lips that they were making and it made you blush even more. His Majesty suddenly spoke, breaking the electricity between the group. 

“Y/N wants to learn how to properly fight. Jimin, could you teach her?” Sir Jimin burst in front of you, hair flying all over his face as he grinned at you. 

“Of course! I would never turn down time with My Lady!” Sir Jimin’s eyes roamed your body and you can see the calculations turning in his mind. The look was quickly removed, as he held out a hand to you. “Let’s start now. Shall we?”

Timidly, you placed your hand in his and let him drag you away.

“Wait- what?! I didn’t mean now!”

You turned your head to see the other boys holding His Majesty back. But you could see that there was not much struggles coming from his as well. Waving your hand at him, you continued to allow Sir Jimin to lead you around and through some turns. Sir Jimin was excitedly blabbing on about how much they have waited to meet you and you felt a little bad. 

As the both of you stopped at the training ground, you saw the rings, an assortment of weapons, and so many different types of training elements. When in your old pack, you learned archery and swordmanship. The guards would teach you defense and ensure that you could fight but this - 

Goodness… You have never seen anything like it!

“Shall we start?” You turned back to Sir Jimin. “I’ll have to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses before I start to teach you anything.”

Throwing you a wooden sword, you easily caught it as you prepped your stance. But Sir Jimin was fast. He was much faster and agile compared to the guards in your old pack - and no, he did not go easy on you. Bringing the sword up to block the unexpected blow, you willed strength in your arms as you fought, putting more distance between the both of you. The both of you fought and your breath started getting shorter and heavier. You had to finish this quick. 

Summoning more energy into your movements, you kept light on your feet as you bounded over to Sir Jimin, feigning an attack to his right but tunring left at the last second. You hooked your foot over his and pulled, whirling to his back as you used his weight and temporary shock to pull him down and turned him onto his front. You layed the dull wood of the slab onto his neck. 

You were panting for your breath and landed in a heap over Sir Jimin. He looked like he was still in shock so you leaned forward to poke his cheek, trying to find out if he was still alive. When he didn’t move, you frowned. Feeling the man’s head for any bumps of blood for any signs of concussion, you wee certian you didn’t hit his head too hard to cause him to pass. 

Just as you were about to call for help, you heard footsteps coming closer towards hte both of you. Shoes scuffed on the rough terrain of the training ground and your fight has not left you. Turning on your heels, you prepped yourself for another fight. You weren’t sure who or what you were going to fight but you needed to ensure you adn Sir Jimin made it out alive. 

Even if he might probably be… dead?

But when you looked up, you say His Majesty staring at the both of you together with Scholar Taehyung at his side. Only then did you realise the position you and Sir Jimin were in. Your body leaned over his as you sat on the curve of his back, Sir Jimin unmoving below you. The silence between the four of you stretched long. 

“Damn.” You flinched at sudden movement below you. 

Snapping out of your daze, you leaped off Sir Jimin. You held off jumping to His Majesty as feelings overcame you. You didn’t want him to be mad but you didn’t know his boundaries to his emotions. You were caught in a compromising position by your own mate and you did not want to trigger anything else you shouldn’t. 

But His Majesty hopped over and around you, jumping around you like an excited bunny. “Finally! We have finally found the savious to shutting Jimin up! HAHA!”

You stood there, confused. 

“Jimin has always prided himself in being the best swordsman amongst our group and he would not stop bragging about it everytime we ask him for a duel. But now that you have flopped him on his ass-”

“Yah! Stop it!” You turned your head to Sir Jimin. He was dusting himself off and stomping over towards the three of you. “Stop bringing down my hard-earned reputation!” 

His Majesty and Scholar Taehyung rolled on the floor laughing. Then you heard a squeaky laugh from your side as well, one that sounded like when you cleaned the windows. The sound as the cloth passed the dry windows. 

Flinching, you turned to your left, finding Scholar Seokjin bent over his knees, pointing to the trio as he tried to mouth something but the words couldn’t get out. His wheezing form coupled with his squeaky laugh made you chuckle. When you couldn’t hold in your laughter anymore, you followed along with the group, their contagious laughter enveloping your senses. 

It was then that you realised - this is what home feels like. You still had a long way to recovery, perhaps never even a chance to return to how you were as a kid. But growth is needed if one wanted to live. But these people have taught you the true feeling of being at ease, feeling safe. And you were certaintly grateful for those you now call friends and mate. 

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you observed the clear sky with a few clouds looking like animals floating by. You hoped that your previous pack would be able to have a better leader soon. Nobody should live in fear and you wished that they would be able to see better days. Turning around, you followed the Scholars, Sir Jimin, and His Majesty. This time, as His Majesty slid his hand to yours, you didn’t hesitate to grab onto it, swinging your connected palms as the five of you walked into the future. 

#bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts oneshot #jungkook oneshot #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #bts angst #bts x y/n #bts x you #bts x fem!reader #bts x oc #bts x reader #jungkook x oc #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook x original character #jungkook x reader #fic : the royal calling #bts imagine #bts scenarios #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenarios #bts werewolf #jungkook werewolf

[whlfchn]

kitten ~ lee know

pairing: lee know x fem!reader

word count: 3.8k

rating: 18+!!!

genre: smut, consensual hate sex, dom!lee know

synopsis: you two never got along and would always push each others buttons which normally would drive one another mad with rage... so why cant you simply walk away this time? why do you hate each other almost as much as you want each other?

warnings: degradation, words like whore and slut are used, some nipple play, oral (fem! and male! receiving), rough sex, slight spanking, choking, very little bondage, orgasm denial, mature language, hate sex

authors note: this is my first attempt at writing hate sex! I usually write fluffy smut, but I wanted to challenge myself and write some rough sex that still had some good backstory. I might make this into a friends with benefit series or enemies to lovers in the future, but im not sure yet haha

!my content is not suitable for minors! 18+ only! by reading more you consent to being 18+ and to nsfw content and take all responsibility!

Your warm body is leaning on the cold backyard railing as your thoughts are drowned out by the loud music. Finding yourself fading into the background as you sit back and observe. Tonight you found yourself getting dragged into attending a stupid college party.

You were never one to attend such events, but your best friend was a socialite and finally managed to drag you away from your solitude and to a party. 

You were polar opposites. She was funny, beautiful, positive, and got along with everyone. Not to be cocky, but you were very good looking as well. On the other hand you weren't as social and liked to keep to yourself. Your main focus was school and your career. Not finding the time and energy for things that didn't contribute to your needs.

You were a junior in college. A dance major to be exact. At a very young age you learned the hardships of life and didn't feel like you fit in anywhere. It wasn't until one day that you went with your family to this annual festival you heard so much about. There were many attractions, but the dance performances are what altered your life. You had never seen something as breathtaking as what you witnessed that day. The way that each movement melted into each other. Graceful yet powerful movements to each beat. The way that each dancer interpreted the song differently and how they told a story with their bodies. At that very young age, you saw those performances and knew who and what you wanted to be.

You met your best friend in middle school. You were both attending the same school and dance classes. Fate you would say. She came at a time of need. A lot of people had let you down, but no matter your differences she never gave up on you and has always been there for you. She was your one and only true friend even after all these years.

Unluckily for you, she was just as stubborn as you could be and managed to drag you to a party tonight. You liked to have fun from time to time, but midterms were coming up so you've been at your dorm studying and at the dance studio non stop. It took all day for your best friend to convince you to tag along.

So here you were, alone on the backyard porch watching your best friend take shot after shot having the time of her life. You had a few drinks earlier in the night and were tipsy but nowhere near drunk. 

Leaning against the railing you dig into your purse and pull out your box of cigarettes. Taking one out and putting the tip in your mouth.

“Smoking is a terrible habit for a dancer kitten.”

“Fuck off and leave me alone,” you muttered while digging into your purse to find your lighter.

You knew that voice and nickname all too well. It was none other than the “legendary” Lee Know. The senior that everyone talked about. There was no denying he was an amazing dancer and sculpted by the gods, but it was his personality you found to be quite sour.

A hand and lighter came into your view. Too tired to find your own lighter you inhale and allow him to light it for you. Nicotine and smoke soon fill your lungs. As you take the cigarette out of your mouth smoke slowly slips from your lips. 

Out of the corner of your eye you see him light his own cigarette.

“I thought smoking was a terrible habit for dancers?”

“It is.”

You scoff at his short and blunt response. You two never got along. Both fueled by rage from each other's presence. 

He was in a dance crew that consisted of a couple of your classmates. Stray Kids is what they called themselves. Freshman and sophomore year you had heard a lot about him from the girls in school. Mostly about his visuals and bad boy reputation, but that never intrigued you. It was his dancing that drew you in. You first laid your eyes on him at your freshman school orientation. All the departments had performances lined up for the incoming freshmen. The dance department had lots of performances, but he stood out from the rest. Everyone was amazed by his looks, but for you it was the way he moved, the way he hit every beat, and the way he lost himself to the music.

Your best friend was friends with what felt like the whole world and often dragged you to hang out with them. On this particular day it was the beginning of your junior year and you were told by your bestie that you would be hanging out with the boys in your major. Those boys were a part of the group called Stray Kids. You also heard Lee Know would be tagging along. This excited you since you would finally be able to meet the man you heard so much about and admired the first two years of college. Although you didn't know him personally you looked up to him as he was hands down one of the best dancers you laid your eyes on. But as the saying goes, never meet your heroes! 

All the boys seemed cool and chill, except for the man, the myth and the legend Lee Know. He was cold and cocky from day one and picked on you any chance he got. You had no clue what you did to get on this man's bad side, but the feeling of disappointment and anger fueled you anytime you laid your eyes on him. Reminding you that solitude was all you ever needed. With the exception of your best friend of course.

“You look… different,” he says, eyes trailing up and down your frame. Body covered in a short black dress that complimented your shape.

You choose to ignore him and take more drags from your cigarette.

“Looks like your friend is drunk as fuck,”

“So are yours,” you say, looking over to his friend group that are the loudest in the party.

He laughs and leans on his side to face you. You sigh and do the same to finally get a good look at the man disturbing your peace.

Your eyes scan him up and down. There was no denying this man was heaven sent. He was extremely good looking. It made you feel sick how someone could be so hot, but such a pain in the ass. He was wearing all black. Black cargos that adorned his thick thighs nicely with a black leather belt holding them up. A black shirt tucked in with a zipper in the middle going all the way down. Open halfway showing part of his chest and drawing attention to the black choker he had on.

“Like what you see kitten?”

“Fuck you”

“Right now?, In front of all these people?” he says, smirking and lifting a brow cockily.

“Look kitten, thanks for the offer, but I'm not that bored and you're not that lucky,” he chuckles, taking another drag from his cigarette.

All you could do was look at him dumbfounded and laugh at the words that just left his mouth. 

“Tch… as if I would offer you such a great time. Trust me, you can't handle me,” you say, smirking back at the man that looks taken aback by what you said.

Not one word is said back. You take this as your cue to finally get away from him and be on your way now that you're done with your cigarette and would like some peace before this ends in another huge argument if continued. You start walking away, but you barely make it a few steps before he speaks up.

“I can handle you,” he says, voice low, barely audible.

You stop in your tracks, you slowly turn around and raise your eyebrow.

“You? Handling me? Well from what I hear, you wouldn't be any good at it and I have standards,” you chuckle in disbelief.

He quickly flicks his cigarette to the ground and stomps on it before making his way to you. Stopping only inches away from you. He grabs your face aggressively and looks into your eyes with such rage and a dark aura surrounding him. Tensions rising, air getting denser, and your body growing hotter by the second. He slowly brings his mouth next to your ear. 

“You say a lot of mean things kitten. Why don't we put that pretty mouth of yours to better use?,” he whispers.

Fuck it. Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, the warmth from the cigarette, or honestly how long it's been since you’ve had sex. But maybe fucking the guy that hates you as much as you hate him will satisfy you both. Using him for your sexual pleasure didn't sound so bad.

“If you insist” 

“What?,” he says, eyes widening in disbelief.

You get out of his grasp and turn around and walk towards the door on the porch that leads into the house. Hand hovering over the doorknob as you turn around and find him in the same spot staring at you.

“Are you coming or not? I can always ask that hot friend of yours. Chan was his name right? He probably knows how to satisfy a girl better than you ever have” you say, acting all innocent. You could swear his eyes turned even darker as he finally started moving in your direction. 

You giggle at how easy it was to get him riled up. Quickly turning the doorknob and entering the house, heading upstairs. Footsteps following closely behind you. As you reach the second floor you slow down and look around trying to find which room you should pick.

“This room,” he says, turning the handle and entering with such ease. Flipping on the switch as you follow behind.

The light illuminates the wide, almost empty space. A king sized bed centered with a couch on the opposite wall. One dresser and one desk adorning small details. Balcony doors on the opposite end of the room.

Lee Know walked straight to the desk grabbing a bottle of alcohol, two cups, and started pouring drinks. You close and lock the door behind you and walk in his direction.

“Stealing alcohol? Are you always such an inconsiderate asshole? I don’t even know whose house we are in,” you say, reaching the desk and leaning against it, crossing your arms watching his every movement. He slides a glass of alcohol over to you and brings his own up to his pink lips taking a long sip staring into your eyes from above the rim.

“No need to be such a brat. Just shut up and drink. I know the owners,” he scoffs, taking another big sip, mimicking your position, and leaning against the desk only inches away from you. You take the glass he slid over and take a sip. Feeling the much needed warmth and burning down your throat.

“And who would that be?,” you say, taking another sip.

“My parents,” he says casually, causing you mid-sip to choke and start coughing, taken aback by his blunt response and revelation.

“Already choking kitten? We haven't even started”

Fed up with his little comments, you quickly chug the rest of your drink forgetting about the revelation that this was his house and slam the cup on the table before looking at him with such irritation.

“Not even fucking close, but why don't you come over here and make me? Or I'll just call Chan over and let him handle what you never could”

His eyes widened and mouth twitched in rage. In a split second he slammed his own cup down on the table and next thing you know his lips are on yours. His hands roughly grab at your ass as yours quickly find their way to his hair. Nails digging into his hair and pulling on his locks. 

Kissing hard, teeth clicking, tongues rolling over each other and fighting for dominance. You break the kiss and bite his bottom lip tugging on it harshly, almost breaking the flesh. He crushes his lips back on yours in an instant and harshly grabs both thighs and lifts you onto the desk in front of him.

One hand harshly landing on your neck choking you in just the right spot while the other lands on your inner thigh shoving it further open. The cold breeze felt on your now wet panties that were on full display. Dress riding up, legs wide open, all for the man you hate but want to fulfill all your fantasies.

“Tch, little fucking slut, letting me see you like this, so desperate for my touch.” he says, hand tightening on your neck as the other goes to grab your hair harshly making you look up at him in the eyes. 

You laugh and bite your lip staring right back at him.

“You're all bark and no bite”

“Trust me kitten, I know how to bite, but the question is can you handle it?”

“Shut the fuck up and fuck me already” you say, growing even more frustrated, just wanting release.

You thought his stare couldn't grow any darker but god were you wrong. He quickly takes his hands out of your hair and off your neck and grabs you roughly by the thighs as your hands go on his shoulder and he walks you over to the bed and then throws you on it.

Now on your back leaning up on your arms as your legs are spread open for the man in front of you. He slowly takes off his belt and sets it down next to your leg. He then proceeds to slowly zip down his shirt revealing abs and a hot scar you didn't know he had. Hands going to his zipper but stopping in its tracks when he looks at you and tilts his head.

“Be a good girl and take off your clothes right now kitten,” he says coldly.

“Why don't you come over here and make me?” 

He quickly hovers over you grabbing you by the face, fingers tracing your swollen lips harshly.

“If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god,” he mutters.

“Or what? What are you going to do? Don't threaten me with a good time,”

“You're in trouble now,” he says before grabbing the bottom of your dress and raking it up your body with so much force you swore it ripped before he flung it across the room leaving you in your lace set.

“Look at you all dolled up. Such a fucking whore. Just waiting for someone to fuck you senseless so you can shut that pretty fucking mouth of yours.” he says cupping your wet cunt. A moan leaving your mouth instantly.

He starts kissing and biting on your neck marking you up. Leaving sloppy kisses all the way down to your breasts. Kissing and sucking your hardened nipples through the thin material of your lace bra. Hands slipping under your back as you lift yourself and it's off in no time. His tongue nipping and biting your nipple as the other hand twists and squeezes on the other causing intoxicating pain that you wanted more of. It hurt so bad, but felt so good. Moans leaving your lips as he starts to divert his attention further downwards to your throbbing cunt.

Teeth pulling down the lacy material leaving you completely bare. You barely have time to think as fingers are buried inside of you. 

“Fuck.”

He starts pumping in and out curving his fingers filling you up. His tongue soon meets your clit, flicking the sensitive flesh rapidly. His other hand is making its way to your throat and squeezing tightly. He nibbles on your flesh between licks leaving you a cursing and moaning mess. Lee Know going at a brutal pace as his hand is tight on your throat making you feel light headed and dizzy. Drunk off this feeling alone. Chasing your release you grab his hair and tug it harshly bringing him even closer to your core as the other hand cups his own hand on your throat trying to tighten it even more if it was possible. 

“ri-right there, fu-fuck,” 

As you are about to become undone the pace slows down and he shifts off of you, leaving you a whiny mess.

“Such a filthy slut thinking it would be that easy. You only cum when I tell you too,” he rasps while getting off the bed and quickly taking off his pants and boxers. His hard glistening length bouncing up. Leaving him completely bare as he grabs his black leather belt hovering over you shoving fingers in your mouth. You quickly suck on them and lick them teasing him as he bites his lips in satisfaction. You bite on his fingers harshly getting him out of his trance. Causing him to hiss in pain and grab you by the face again.

“Be a good little slut and get on your knees.”

He lets go of your face and you quickly get on all fours. Face down, back arched, ass up. In  a quick second he twists both of your arms behind your back. Quickly tying them with his belt. Your legs falter a bit not having your arms to hold you up.

“Since you want to be in charge and get all grabby without permission, how about we do it like this instead?” he asks while his hands knead your ass, spreading them wider, and teasing you.

“I want you inside of me… now,” you whine.

“Since you asked so nicely,” 

His tip pokes your entrance, slowly burying his hard length inside of you. So long and thick it's almost unbearable.

“Fuck,” he moans, digging his fingers into your waist. 

“So fucking tight.” he says, hand smacking your ass with so much force. Hissing from the pain as he starts slamming his hips into you. His hard length massages your inner walls. Sounds of smacking flesh and moans bouncing off the wide almost empty room. 

Pounding into you at a merciless rhythm. Face being pounded into the mattress as his hips strike your ass at a brutal pace. Skin heating up and breath hitching as he fucks you into oblivion. Only thinking of the way he fills you up so well. 

A fire filling your abdomen and nerves on fire. You feel yourself losing composure.

“ju-just like th-that. Harder… I-Im close,” you practically scream out.

“fu-fuck. you wanna cum kitten? you wanna cum on my fat cock? such a fucking whore? cumming on the cock of a man she hates? cum on me kitten,”

Your muscles tense, walls fluttering around his cock, as you bite on the bed sheets to suppress your loud moans as you climax. 

Over stimulating your swollen cunt as he still fucks into you frantically. One hand lifting off your waist and going to your wrists undoing the belt and setting your arms free. The same hand grabbing a fistful of your hair and lifting your back flush with his as his hips don't stop rocking into you. 

“Turn around for me. I want you to see my face while I fuck you senseless so that next time you let some one fuck you, you’ll never forget that the man you hate so fucking much is the only one that can fuck you this good. And so I can see how good im making you feel so every time you open that loud fucking mouth of yours and talk back I’ll remember just how undone I can get you.” 

He lets go of your hair and pulls out of your swollen cunt. Still in a daze you turn around and lay down on your back, legs wide open for him. Hovering over you he slams himself back into you. Moaning and grunting at the pleasurable pain. One hand grabs you by the throat as the other holds onto your waist.

Hips snapping and his hard length quickly hit all those sweet spots. Making you flutter against him causing breathy moans and grunts to leave his mouth. 

“sl-slut. letting me fuck you like this. le-letting me ruin you. gonna cum? on my cock? li-like a good little slut?”

Just with those words alone it drives you over the edge. Mouthwatering, intoxicating, and numbing clouds of pleasure take over and you become undone once again on his cock. 

“What a good little slut. Cumming just for me.”

“Fuck you”

He laughs still pounding into you. 

“Sounds like you might actually hate me, kitten. How about you show me how much you really do hate me.”

“Slap me”

Taken aback by his request and the over stimulation on your swollen cunt all you do is bite your lip and look at the man with confusion evident on your face

“I said… hit me kitten.”

Silence.

“Tch. What are you scared of? I knew you were boring. I should of fucked your best friend inste..” sentence interrupted by the brute force of your hand on his cheek.

“fu-fuck you.” he moans loudly, clearly turned on. Breathing loudly as his thrusts get sloppy.

He quickly takes himself out of your cunt and stays on his knees moving to hover his length over your face and frame.

“Fuck kitten. Looks like there really is more to you then you let on huh? Now put those pretty lips of yours to better use like you promised, yeah?”

You lift yourself up as much as you can with his body still entrapping you in. Licking his tip and slowly starting to suck before quickly picking up the pace. Making eye contact as saliva starts running down your chin. His hand coming up and holding the back of your head guiding you as he bucks his hips. His breathing getting even heavier as he brings up his other hand holding your head still as he fucks your mouth. Thrusting his hips at a fast pace. His long length hitting the back of your throat. Choking and eyes watering as you give him what he wants. Getting turned on all over again at how much he's enjoying your warm wet mouth around his length. 

His hips shake as he finishes in your mouth. Swallowing every single drop.

“Fuck kitten. Might have to do this again. Only way I can get you to be quiet.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” you say as you clean yourself up. You get changed leaving without another word not wanting to look at him any longer. 

You weren't sure what would happen next, but two things you’re sure of is that you still hate him and wouldn't mind him fucking the shit out of you again.

disclaimer: my writing is intended for entertainment and does not represent any real person! the names are used for purely fictional purposes!

please reblog and leave a like! feedback is greatly appreciated and it motivates me to write more! I read it all and am so thankful for each of you!

~ masterlist ~

#lee know #lee know smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #skz #skz smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #stray kids x y/n #skz x reader #skz x y/n #lee know x reader #lee know x y/n #skz imagines #skz scenarios #x reader #kpop smut #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

[cottonlemonade]

How You Met (Falling in Love)

word count: 2145 || avg. reading time: 9 mins.

pairing: post-time skip Bokuto x chubby!Reader

genre: fluff, tiny smidgen of angst mayhaps

warnings: spoilers, having dropped out of university(?)

____________________________________________

August

> you currently live in Kyoto

> you dropped out of university (Japanese major, history minor) because the academic setting is just not for you

> you still love the subjects, just not under academic pressure

> in Kyoto you worked as a guide for a while, leading tourists through all the ruins and historical places you love

> eventually you settle in working at a café, quickly being promoted to manager and (no small thanks to you) it‘s one of the most popular cafés in Kyoto now

> one day you get a call from a friend you went to uni with and she has a big favour to ask

> she works as a manager for a prestigious volleyball team and they are gonna head overseas soon for two weeks for a big tournament and their translator had to cancel last minute

> after talking it through with your boss (whom you are on most excellent terms with) he lets you take the time off to go help your friend (asking you to bring him back an autographed poster of the team)

> and so you pack your bags and take the 3h train ride to Tokyo

> until the plane leaves in a few days you will stay with your friend

> you asked if you could meet the team beforehand in case one of them has a dialect you need to get used to first (*cough* Atsumu)

> you‘re in the gym hanging out with your friend waiting for the team to arrive

> (during Uni time you two had been on the varsity women‘s Volleyball team)

> you‘re quite nervous but also a bit excited at the opportunity

> to give yourself something to do you wanna go grab a drink from the vending machine

> you head towards the doors just when they fly open

> „HEY HEY H-hey?“

> a tall, broad guy with grey-black spiky hair and golden eyes stands in front of you looking curious

> „And hey to you.“, you say brightly, giving a soft laugh, turning to your friend, „I‘ll be right back.“

> you duck under the guy‘s arm and make your way down the corridor as he stares after you

> „Pretty“, he mutters before getting pushed through the door by Sakusa

> during the overseas trip you get of course much closer with the whole team and you end up having a really fun time with them

> you even exchange numbers with them (Sakusa being so happy to have found someone who treats disinfectant like holy water just like him)

> that day, the Jackals had only won by a hair-width in the semi-final

> however, that didn‘t stop Bokuto from spiralling

> for the most part his mood swings had calmed down significantly since his teenage years but whenever a truly crushing match came his way he couldn‘t stop the dark thoughts

> his spikes had mostly been blocked and he wanted to figure out what went wrong but was so embarrassed that he, the team‘s ace, had let his team down (none of the team had given him any crap about it (except Sakusa a little))

> It was late, he was alone in the gym and buried his face in his arms, making himself as small as possible under a table in the corner

> „Bokuto-Kun?“

> he heard your voice softly, a little confused, then saw your sneakers as you knelt down in front of the table

> “Are you alright? Are you hurt?“

> he felt childish for not saying anything but he couldn‘t bring himself to, not right now

> he heard the soft thump of your bag as you set it down and a moment later he felt you scooting in next to him

> “Do you want to talk about it?“

> ever so slightly he shook his head

> “Hm.“, you made, quietly, then „Okay. Do not be alarmed.“

> And you hugged him

> you just

> hugged him

> tightly.

> You smelled like lavender, your body just so so soft and cozy and when he felt your hand rubbing soothing circles on his back he broke and started crying

> you only held him tighter

> „Are you upset about the game?“, you asked, gently after a minute or two

> when he didn‘t say anything you figured you were dead-on

> „I actually had to leave the court during my first varsity match because I couldn‘t handle the pressure and had a panic attack.“

> He pulled out of your embrace to look at you

> you smiled, kind of sadly, then focused on your shoes as you continued, „I get very uncomfortable being in front of a lot of people and letting the team down was something I was really struggling with, too. It might have been alright during training but when it was an official match - well, you could knock me over with a feather. Every mistake I made seemed a hundred times worse.“

> he just stared at you because he knew that feeling you described so so well

> The hand you kept on his back was warm and reassuring

> „This wasn‘t meant to make you feel worse.“, you said quickly, „I just wanted to tell you that I get it. And I know that no one in the team is blaming you for anything. This was a really tough match and without your points you guys wouldn‘t have won. Blocking you took their defence everything they had and it still wasn‘t enough. You did a whole lot more than you think you did.“

> and then, right there, when you smiled at him, that‘s when he knew he was in trouble because his little crush was suddenly not so little anymore

> you stayed with him under the table for probably another twenty minutes

> you were quiet, just sat with him, listening to the rain softly drumming on the large dark windows

> after a while when you felt him relax a bit more you pulled out your phone to scroll through Instagram // your page consisting mostly of food and cute dogs, which you figured would cheer him up, and he enjoyed just watching yummy recipes and puppies while being so close to you (that’s how he learned of your love of food, cooking and baking and fell even harder)

> eventually hunger won you over when both your stomachs growled at the same time for a video of a particularly cheesy pizza

> „One more hug before we leave the table territory?“, you offered, your genuine smile now completely chasing any dark thought away

> This time he hugged you back (and man, does he give good hugs)

> After a few moments you felt his tension finally fall and he let out a long breath, making you smile knowing you succeeded in making him feel better

> You went to grab some pizza together, talking about this, that and everything

> once y’all returned to Japan you went back to your actual job in Kyoto and the Jackals back to training, but Bokuto (and Hinata) stayed in close contact sending you messages every day

___________

September

> one day, maybe two weeks after coming back from overseas you suddenly look up from some paperwork you were mulling over at a table in the café when an empty chair is pulled up and a tall broad figure with grey-black hair is plopping down across from you with a big grin

> (Dude, you missed the weekend training. We thought you were dead. Where were you? - Kyoto. - Ky-what???)

________

October

> after maybe another month where you head to Tokyo on your days off and Bokuto comes to visit Kyoto whenever he has the time, you start to think about what would happen if you’d confess your feelings to him

> long distance relationships were an absolute pain and he was busy being a volleyball star, he couldn’t keep this up forever

> but were you really about to move back to Tokyo for a guy who wasn’t even your boyfriend?

> and what about your job?

> your friend of course had her antennas up about you two from the start so she listened patiently when you called her for advice one night

> your boss, who had also caught on to your blossoming love, took you aside one day and casually mentioned that he had been thinking of opening another branch in Tokyo and would need a capable manager to oversee it

__________

December

> so you move back to Tokyo

> you had brought up the move to Bokuto before and he had been practically bouncing off the walls at training ever since

> he even offers to help you move

> as a Thank You you cook dinner for him and if it hadn’t been super obvious to him before, it’s official now that he is most definitely absolutely irrevocably gone for you

> Bokuto is just so so happy that he can see you basically every day after practice now

> (as soon as Meian calls for the end, Bokuto is first out the door, quickly showers and then jogs (at full speed) the 17.5mins to the café to walk you home)

> he has been trying to talk about it with Hinata, Atsumu and (because he was in the general vicinity) Sakusa but none of them were exactly experts when it came to love and confessions

> he was worried that if he would confess to you and you rejected him he’d make you uncomfortable and you’d regret moving to Tokyo

> he didn’t even want to think about you avoiding him

> so he just kind of decided to pine. A lot.

> Like. A lot.

> Atsumu and Sakusa were so done with him during that time because if Bokuto talked often about you before, it was nothing compared to now

> Hinata didn’t mind. He just listened while they were out jogging in the mornings

> meanwhile you yourself were overthinking

> seeing Bokuto every night, slowing your steps to make the walk home longer and hanging out with him on his days off was wonderful and you could only imagine how much better it would be if you could hold his hand and kiss him

> there definitely had been moments when you were sure he felt the same about you but then he would be sweet and kind to a stranger and you just kind of shrugged it off

> that was just Bokuto, genuine and warm to everyone

> you were no exception

> that did not stop you from daydreaming when you were baking at the café or cleaning the coffee maker in the evening (or in the shower or your bed)

> with winter came the first soft snow and both hands tightly wrapped around a hot chocolate from your cafè, you and Bokuto walked home one night in the swirling flakes

> he was losing his mind because you looked so gosh darn pretty and cute and gorgeous with snow in your hair, your cheeks a little red from the cold, enjoying your chocolate

> not so casually he asked to take a picture of you

> confused but game you posed in front of snow covered bushes

> (Bokuto’s mind turning into a full-on keysmash when you made a peace sign and smiled brightly with closed eyes // he took like ten pictures in a row)

> “Well, that’s a new screensaver.”, he announced without thinking and you were just like 🧍‍♀️

> “Uhm, Bo?”

> he melted like the snow around the hot chocolate he had sat down to take the picture

> the soft nickname was still somewhat new and sent a pleasant shiver through his body

> you took a deep breath and decided to just go for it

> “Do you … like me?”

> “Of course I like you.”, he said with no hesitation

> you nervously played with the sleeves of your jumper sticking out from your coat, not looking at him

> “No… I mean like-“

> “I know what you mean.”, he said with a huge smile but when you just looked at him in shock his confidence wavered, “Wait. Is- is that bad?”

> “God I hope not, because I like you, too.”

> his chest felt like a balloon inflating as his smile returned bigger than ever

> “Can I be your boyfriend then? Please?”, he added and his ears were burning so much he was glad you nodded cause he wasn’t sure if he would have heard your answer

> he stepped forward, closing the distance between you two and looked down with the dreamy expression of someone who had just been handed a puppy

> ever so gently holding your chin between his strong calloused fingers he bent down to kiss you

> slowly and sweetly at first

> you shifted a bit and he grinned a moment later when he felt you standing on your tiptoes

> he deepened the kiss, his other hand now on your hips and you sighed when his tongue slipped playfully between your lips

> you were about to pull away to catch your breath but he pulled you in again, cupping your cheek, muttering against your lips “Not yet. A little more.” and you chuckled into the kiss

____________________________________________

#bokuto fluff #bokuto x chubby reader #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou #haikyuu bokuto #haikyuu x chubby reader #haikyuu fluff #chubby reader

[eli0004]

Sea & Sky: An Armin x fem!Reader (Modern AU)

Synopsis: Armin, a shy, introverted Marine Biology major with an anxiety disorder and a bit of a traumatic past meets- and instantly falls in love with- a mysterious, chronically ill, Astrophysics major. Their first impression definitely isn’t romance novel worthy, in fact, Armin would describe the whole thing as disastrous, but even so, she seems to think he hung the moon. Haha, space jokes.

Genre: Fluff, PG- 13 for Drinking, swearing, mental illness, chronic illness, and mentions of fighting, additionally, TW ⚠️ for emetophobia

Part: one

If you were to ask anyone at your Uni what they thought about Armin, they’d say he was quiet. Not in a negative sense, but he was certainly peculiar. Shy, timid Armin who had been top of his class since practically kindergarten. His two best friends, Eren Yeager and Mikasa Ackerman, seemed much more social- flitting from party to party, drinking and laughing, playing games and dancing In living rooms, while Armin typically stood to the side, ever observant of his surroundings.

When approached, he was friendly nonetheless, he might tell you about his academic studies, or a book he’d read recently. He might ask how you’re doing and empathize with your situation. But if you approach him expecting to pick his brain, get close, or be let in on a secret, you’d quickly find his lips are sealed.

This mix between approachable and yet, closed off, left him surrounded by acquaintances while his inner circle remained quaint. And though the three of them were an unlikely trio, they cared for each other like family.

Anyone who had gone to grade school with them knew that Armin had been picked on for many years. He’d faced physical violence, humiliation, and much more. They’d also know that the price one paid for being a part of that often resulted in being beaten down to a pulp in the school parking lot by Eren, Mikasa, or- if the crime warranted it, both.

He was never too popular with the ladies, as most were put off by his shyness, or became disinterested once they realized he was uninterested in meaningless sex or situationships. For the most part, he was uninterested in relationships at all, preferring to focus on his academics with confidence that when it’s right, he’d find himself gravitating towards his person, pulling each other in seamlessly like the moon pulls the tides.

And when Armin saw you, the only word that came to his mind was gravitational. Your smile, your laugh, your energy. His logical brain waged war with his heart, and suddenly, love at first sight didn’t seem like such a juvenile concept. His gaze was fixed on you, curious, longing and all but entranced, and that could be seen by anyone standing close enough to him. Mikasa was the first to notice.

She’d known Armin since the three of them were children, having been introduced to each other by Eren himself. Naturally, she knew the moment she turned to follow his gaze, and a small, knowing smile ghosted her lips. And though she promised herself she’d remain uninvolved, she found herself standing next to the blonde as his eyes danced around the room to catch another glimpse of you, as if to burn every detail of your face into his mind, like he couldn’t bare to forget it.

“You should talk to her.” Mikasa spoke, leaning over to him to speak discreetly. Armin’s throat felt dry at even the mention of carrying out such a nerve wracking, bold move.

“Are you crazy? Are we looking at the same person right now?” He deadpanned, swallowing thickly. “I’m…not her type.” His eyes lowered, training themselves down as he picked at a loose thread on his jeans. Perhaps it was his own self loathing that pushed people away. Armin had never really felt good enough; even in his own circle.

“How do you know what her type is?” Mikasa rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance.

“Do you?” He quipped, lifting his head and raising a brow at her.

“Of course I do. I know her. In fact…I invited her.” She smirked. Armin’s face immediately grew red, and he brought his hands up to cover it dramatically. Of course she’d wait until then to say something.

“I…please say you’re joking!! Why didn’t you say anything, I’m embarrassed?!” He sputtered, heart racing.

“Because, I knew you’d try and pretend you haven't been staring her down for the last two hours, like it isn’t painfully obvious.”

And she was right. If Armin had known Mikasa had connections with you, he’d have denied denied denied. But she knew better, she’d come to find that he was quite predictable, always held back by his own fear of inadequacy.

“No! Is it really that obvious!?” He groaned, muffled by the sleeves of his gray blue sweater. His cheeks and ears felt hot, and he knew it was most likely visible. When Armin blushed, it started from the tip of his perfect button nose and went all the way down to his neck.

“Yeah it is, and I'm sure she’s noticed it too. Which is why you should go over there and talk to her…y’know, so she doesn’t think you’re being a weirdo.” She takes a sip of her drink, winking at him.

“Absolutely not.”

“Absolutely. I’ll come with you, let’s go.”

Mikasa took Armin by the hand, pulling him as he attempted- and failed- to dig his heels into the carpet, heart pounding. He knew she had to be at least a little tipsy by now; sober Mikasa would never force him out of his comfort zone like this, and although it could be a bit enabling at times, he missed sober Mikasa right about now. His head was swimming and he could practically hear his pulse thumping in his ears. She meant well, Armin knew that, but this- this was not the way to help.

And suddenly, he found himself standing feet away from you, watching in horror as Mikasa reached out to get your attention. Pull yourself together, he’d begged himself. He could smell your perfume, your hair looked so much softer, shinier up close. He wasn’t ready, he hadn’t thought of anything to say. His legs felt like jello and his stomach was absolutely churning. You turned around and he felt his heart leap from his chest as your eyes fell first on Mikasa as she spoke words he didn’t care to hear, and then, on him.

“Anyway, this is Armin! He’s one of my best friends, we go way back. I think you guys would get along pretty well.” Mikasa smiled cheerfully, her eyes sparkling and sleepy from the alcohol. You smiled at him, and Armin thought he might fall over and die. You were radiant, and warm.

“Hey Armin, nice to finally meet you. I saw you looking this way earlier, I wondered if you’d come say hi!” You greeted him “I don’t think I’ve seen you around, but I do most of my classes at night, or online, so that’s pretty expected.”

There was a moment of silence as he gaped at you, blue eyes wide and captivated, before he realized it was his turn to speak.

“O-oh! Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too, uhm…sorry for staring.” He looks away, scratching at the back of his neck. The room felt a bit quieter, somehow. You giggle softly, pursing your lips before speaking,

“It’s ok, I just thought I might have been doing something stupid.” And at that he smiled slightly, feeling a bit giddy.

“Yeah…I mean no, no you weren’t. I was.” He stammers. Your expression turned confused, but your smile stayed

“You were? What does that mean?”

Armin realized he didn’t know. He had no idea what he meant by that and now you think he’s a creep. He knew he’d say something stupid, why did he let Mikasa drag him over like that? He wished at that moment that the earth would swallow him whole, and he bit his lip softly, eyes darting back and forth as he racked his brain for an explanation. He felt dizzy, he needed to leave.

Just before he could politely excuse himself and run off to hide from the awkward interaction, the sound of glass shattering and loud yelling pierced through the room from mere feet away. Before he could register what was going on, you grabbed ahold of his wrist and yanked him out of the way, just as Jean Kristein was shoved, aggressively against the wall by none other than Eren Yeager himself. The two shouted at each other in drunken fury, and Eren took a swing, clocking Jean in the Jaw as people began flooding forward to pull them apart. The room was loud. Everything felt hot and muggy. Armin couldn’t breathe.

“Eren, what the fuck!” Mikasa yelled! “What are you doing?!”

“This fucker’s talking shit, and i’m tired of fucking hearing it! Say it to my face like a man, so I can beat your ass like a man!” He growled, landing another punch, and the back of Jean's head smacked the wall. Armin flinched, inching closer to you slightly. Two people attempted to restrain Eren’s arms, and lowering his head, Jean spat in his direction. His nostrils flared, eyes glaring.

“I’ll fucking rip your throat out you little-“

Suddenly Eren had torn away, ripping his arms out of the hands of his peers and lunging at him. The crowd's commotion nearly knocked Armin to the ground as the fighting continued. You turned to look at him, meeting his panicked eyes.

“Ok, ok, come on, let’s go.” You instructed him, extending your hand to him and slipping away from everyone once he’d taken it. Exiting out the back door, you pulled him with you and slammed it shut.

The cold night air whipped at your hair, nipping at the skin of your face as you quickly exited out the back door together. It was quieter out there, the sounds of fighting grew distant and, not your problem. Armin was visibly distressed, naturally leaning into you and breathing rapid, shallow breaths, eyes squeezed tightly shut. Reaching out to him, you rubbed his back slightly.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” You soothed, but his stomach felt sick. He was shaken up, embarrassed, anxious and scared. He was nauseous.

“Don’t look at me, I’m gonna be sick.” He pleaded, dodging your touch and scurrying away. You withdrew your hands willingly, albeit confused, but he leaned over the back porches railing and heaved, slapping his hand over his mouth. Understanding, you turned and faced away, covering your ears as he gripped the rail and emptied the contents of his stomach, humiliated.

With shaky hands, he lingered for a moment, making doubly sure it was over before he stepped back and plopped down on the wicker swing . He buried his face in his hands. Seeing movement out of the corner of your eyes, you turn to him. He looked small, vulnerable and absolutely distraught.

You felt sympathetic, seeing him so visibly dejected. You’d seen how he looked at you, and you knew he must have felt embarrassed. A moment of silence passed, cicadas chirping, he let out a soft, shaky sigh. You hesitated for a moment, but, heels clicking against the deck and arm extended, you approached him, holding out your cup.

“Here, drink this.”

Armin peers up at you through his fingers, then dropped his hands and shook his head.

“No, i don’t think it’s a good idea to-“

“It’s just water.” You interrupt. “I don’t drink.”

How peculiar, Armin thought to himself, to meet another twenty-something year old at a party, who doesn’t drink.

Reluctantly, he accepted the cup, softly inhaling its scentlessness. So it was only water. He took a gulp, washing away the taste of stomach acid on his tongue, as you dug around in your clutch for a piece of gum and some gravol.

“Here, this too. It’s just an over the counter nausea remedy, it’ll help settle your stomach.”

Armin nodded, accepting it with shaky hands.

“Thank you.” He trailed off, quietly gazing downward before speaking once again. “I-i’m so sorry…for…that.” He quickly gesture towards the porch railing. You scoff, crossing your arms.

“What? Are you kidding, it happens, Armin, you don’t have to apologize.”

He said nothing, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin on his knee. The silence was thick, and you stared out at the moonlit tree line, leaning back against the wall where you stood.

The night had been disastrous. When he’d agreed to come out with Eren and Mikasa earlier that evening, Armin hadn’t even considered such an unfortunate chain of events. He mentally kicked himself, wishing he’d just said no. And furthermore, If Mikasa hadn’t forced him to talk to you, he’d have never humiliated himself in front of you like he had. If Eren hadn’t gotten shitfaced and tried to kill Jean, he definitely wouldn’t have humiliated himself like he had, emptying his stomach in front of you, drinking your water, chewing your gum.

But, how sweet of you, giving up your things for a goofy idiot like him, the thought of it gave him butterflies.

He tilted his head towards you slowly, glancing in your direction, that feeling of magnetic attraction consuming him once again. A crisp breeze rustled the trees quietly and tousled a few blonde wisps of his hair, and his eyes curiously examined your face. The curve of your jaw, the plumpness of your lower lip, the way you blinked softly as your eyes focused in on the view. So entranced, he was, that he never even noticed how you’d turned your head to meet his gaze.

“Armin?”

“Hm~”

“You’re staring.”

Nothing had ever made him snap back to reality so quickly in his life. He groaned softly, shoulders slumping forward. There was no use in trying to deny it.

“m’ sorry” he whispered quietly. You shook your head, softly clicking your tongue at him.

“Don’t apologize, I think it’s nice.”

Armin glanced at you as if he were looking for confirmation that you’d meant that, but he quickly looked back to the ground. He was silent for a moment, before he cleared his throat and spoke,

“I’m not usually that much of a coward. I mean, I'm a coward, but…”

“You’re not a coward.” You interrupted, pushing yourself off the wall and sliding into place next to him on the other end of the porch swing. You slipped out of your shoes and crossed your legs, holding the decorative pillow that rested there before you, in your lap against your chest. “I could tell you were feeling anxious way before Eren threw Jean across the room. I get it.”

“Well…yeah, I guess you’re right. But I was also just really nervous.” He sighed, voice shaky. His eyes met yours for a moment and you smiled knowingly, a soft giggle passing your lips.

“You don’t have to be nervous, Armin, I don’t bite.”

He smiled, resting his chin against his knee once again. Though the sky was dark and chilly, the porch lighting cast a warm glow over him, his skin looked soft, his blonde hair turned golden like honey. The redness had never left his cheeks.

“Good to know.” He giggled, slapping a mosquito off his arm. “…uh, by the way, you said earlier you’re a student? What’s your major?”

You laughed out loud before you could think to stop yourself, and somewhat nervously too,

“Ah..Astrophysics” you said, with a bashful smile. “dorky, i know.”

“Wow! No that’s..actually really cool, you must be really smart! Jeez, now I feel like I’m standing in your shadow.” He laughed. His laugh was cute, airy and soft. You wondered if he even realized how much more comfortable he seemed, now that the commotion had died down.

“What? Aren’t you studying Marine Biology? That’s definitely just as impressive!” You raised a brow at him, scoffing in disbelief. Armin gaped at you.

“I never told you that…how did you know?” he asked. How did you know?

“I’m pretty sure I remember Mikasa telling me she had a smart friend who studied ocean science, but…i kinda just guessed. You look like the type.”

Armin snorted, smiling to himself.

“Thanks?”

“I mean it kindly! You remind me of the ocean, what with those blue eyes and all.”

As if he couldn’t possibly fall harder for you, then you go and say something like that. Armin felt his cheeks burn and he smiled brightly, giggling at your words. What a compliment, he’d never felt so flattered.

“Thank you!” He chirped.

“No problem…hey, do you know anything cool about sharks?” You ask, glancing at your nails. Armin giggled, thinking for a moment.

“Sharks? Uh…ok…well, sharks have this unique kind of skin that makes them smooth when you stroke them one way, but rough and abrasive when you go across their skin in the other direction. There's even a word for it in the science world, countershading, where an animal changes color depending on how the sun's rays hit their bodies. So, if a shark was approaching you head-on, it would be very hard for you to see it because it blends in with the water, but if the water was behind it, you could tell much easier.”

“Aw, sharks are such cute lil guys.”

“Cute until they sneak up on you in camouflage.” He laughs. “Now you tell me something about space.”

“Uhh…i don’t know, uhm…There could easily be as many as 10 billion Earth-like planets in the Milky Way alone. Life on other planets is a lot more likely than people realize…it’s kind of silly to think that we’re the only ones.”

“So you believe in aliens?” He asked, tilting his head toward you, fully invested.

“Did you hear anything I said?” You laughed, rolling your eyes at him playfully. He giggled along with you, happily, eyes twinkling. You sighed, leaning back against the swing.

“Look at us, hm? Isn’t it poetic?” You spoke softly, letting your eyes flutter closed. “Sea and sky.”

Armin looked at you then, his heart skipped a beat at your words and his palms felt a bit sweaty as he wiped them off on his jeans. The way you spoke to him, those honeyed words, with such nonchalant expression. Like it came naturally to you to be so flirty. Or perhaps you just…really liked him. But Armin was never one to read into things.

“Yeah…i guess it is, huh?” He sighed.

“Oh, there you are, i was looking everywhere for you. Sasha and I have to take Eren home, he won’t stop trying to pick fights, Armin, did you still need a ride?” Mikasa spoke, swinging the door open and breaking the comfortable silence. She looked up from her phone and your eyes met her smokey, heavily lined ones, before she glanced back to Armin. “Oh” she said, smirking at the boy “Am I interrupting something?”

“Ah-no, it’s fine…we were just talking.” He quickly stands, brushing himself off and turning back to look at you. “I’m sorry, I have to go but-“

“Here.” You stand, handing him your phone. “Put your number in, I’ll text you tonight.”

And you did. You’d texted him as soon as you walked into your apartment, slipping off your shoes and climbing into bed. You hadn’t pushed yourself too hard, but the aches in your joints and the tension in your muscles was ever present. You’d taken a painkiller or two, placed your phone on your pillow next to you, curling up in the sheets, your cat settling in next to you, and you fell asleep.

Armin had anxiously awaited your message, typing and sending a response almost instantly. He worried when you hadn’t responded, but he took a few deep breaths, and then took a few more. Your message came late in the following morning, apologizing for the delay and telling him you’d had a lovely time talking to him.

“When can i see you again?” You’d asked.

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