#but that’s because my mental stability today was shit to begin with

[hoteadepresso]

i am grieving

rip mike wheeler’s long hair you will be missed

#did i cry because of it today? #yes #but that’s because my mental stability today was shit to begin with #i mean dont get me wrong #he is still my boi #i still love his hair #love the season 1 callback #i do #for many reasons #however #Mike’s long hair has done wonders to my serotonin levels those past few years idk what to tell ya

[shaaaaaaar]

god i don’t think loneliness has ever felt as bad as it has this summer.

ive had more intense feelings of loneliness in my life than i feel now, but this sensation of loneliness feels worse. it’s the pain of being given all you could ever want but having it be taken away before you can truly relish in it.

across the past year i’ve built and developed such meaningful connections with people. for the first time irl i had a group of people i was close to that actually shared hobbies with me. people that made me realize just how touch-starved i am and to understand my needs better, people that taught me how to say “i love you” because they showed me how strong platonic love can be. people that loved me for all of me.

i had never been told before that someone loves all of me including my best and my worst. i had never been told thank you after rambling for like an hour about something. ive had genuinely amazing people in my life before, kind and funny and that are cool as hell. but i never had the type of friend group i formed in the past year.

but then i had to graduate. before i was ready to be gone from everyone. and they’re all right on my phone, but it’s not the same because a lot of what made it special was having people that are right there with me. and we still haven’t found our footing online, our little discord server we use still hasn’t found its footing (which if i said i wasn’t part of the problem i’d be a liar), i’m not as connected with people and i’m not doing things with people and i was supposed to be doing more than i am, that’s what i told myself and what i told other people and what other people expect from me.

i’ve stopped trying to plan things online because trying to do so was making me so stressed i was physically ill constsntly, to the point i was literally told to stop for my own sake. so i haven’t done things with people.

i’ve barely seen people outside of school over the summer because i’m already so exhausted from things online, making plans irl makes me so sick i freeze up at the thought of trying. so i’ve seen people twice and one of those two times i was having a breakdown for half of it because i was so scared.

i can’t manage it. nothing has happened.

and i’m pretty sure i’m taking this worse than anyone else is, i feel like i’m living in a nightmare. and i know about self fulfilling prophecies, that’s been something i’m scared of and conscious of too, but i don’t think anyone truly gets just how much i’m losing here because i’ve never had this in my life before. sometimes my inaction is because the fact that i have to take action to begin with makes me feel horrific.

i’ve fought my ass off this summer, fought against this beautiful disaster of the culmination of my mental illness and neurodivergency and my interests and my queerness and everything that makes me atypical making it hard to find my tribe. i’ve kicked and screamed to be able to hold on, hold onto something, one thing with this one fucking group that can stay normal and undamaged and not at total risk.

i don’t want to call out for help anymore because i feel like if i let myself cry i’m only putting things more in jeopardy. i still have but either with the safety and stability of my online friend group, vague because i’m scared to actually say anything, or if i do actually talk about things transparently it’s very sporadic.

today was a breaking point for all of this. where i’m so stressed and so exhausted and so scared that i was this close to removing everyone and running and praying that somehow that’d make things better (despite knowing it’s stupid and counterproductive) purely because i can’t handle this anymore and i don’t know what to do because i feel like i’ve tried everything.

i just want this shit to be fucking over.

i don’t want to be alone anymore.

#vent #9 pm rule #shar rambles for way too long

[ggstargetedlife]

Graced by the strength of God, I got through this day a bit more psychologically whole than days of recent, despite the continued persecution against me. I purposely stayed busy, doubling my efforts most times I was blasted. As tired as I've been, I refused to retreat to my bed to go to sleep as urged repeatedly via V2K. I kept right on working, doing chores around the house and checking in with my aunt when it was time. Push, push, push, I did, determined to remain stabilized and productive. Whenever I did choose to relax a bit, I kept the music pumping through my earbuds and read books on my phone.

Worked on my room a bit, or as Angel has taken to calling it, HER room. Got all the spots off the wall. Tomorrow I'll wash it down so I can begin putting up some of her decorations in the new theme we have planned. I won't feel bad over throwing away the navy blue rugs I just bought a year ago. They've started to look cheap. I suppose vaccuming them rather than shaking the dust and dirt out didn't help matters either. Ahhh well. Time for fancier replacements.

Amazingly, I was able to tune out a bit more on the V2K, relying a lot on Grey-Rocking whenever I did feel the need to mentally respond.

Most of it's just been the same ole same ole script anyway from their end. Thinking too much and too hard on it all is depressing so I tried not to as much today, focusing instead on just surviving each day at a time. One day it'll all be over and I'll be completely in God's hands; no one can keep you from death, so just have to "tough" it out until then.

I came outback to chill with a cigarette. No sooner than I did, the B.Y. neighbors came out too because you know, it's not enough they torment me through V2K and DEW's. They still follow the usual pattern of "joining" me outside when I go out. Why? I have no clue. They could stay in their house V2King me all day and night as they usually do. This time though, in addition to continuing the V2K, they cooped up in their backyard and began smoking weed to further get my attention. They know I can't stand that smell. I once complained to dad about it a while back. He just shrugged and said they always do that whether in the backyard or the front yard, as do another particular set of neighbors close to our house. Call me a pussy, I'd actually been hoping he'd snitch them out to the cops to have them shutdown lol If they weren't doing it to try and aggravate me, I wouldn't mind as much. After all, their business is theirs. But I know they're doing it on purpose as instructed by their superiors, all because they know I hate it. Anything I dislike or hate in general they run like a ticker tape, always. Never the things I like or love. Talk about petty-minded sleazy losers.

Besides that, the B.Y. neighbors weed always smells like what my former coworkers at Sunshine used to refer to as "Skunk's weed." The cheap stuff you can smell from a mile away. My god. Smfh. There's literally a cloud emanating from their backyard into Kim's and ours. Like, Jesus Christ folks.

But it's whatever. Earlier, they made a comment referring to Brinley. It isn't sitting well with me nor J, but I'll leave it alone. For now. When they inevitably piss me off again, I might rant about it a little. Maybe. Hell, he isn't as closely involved anymore in this shit with the Elites so it shouldn't matter really. He's been reduced to Watcher status.

Anyhow, it's been an alright day for once. Gotta get up and do it aaaaallllll over again tomorrow. Oh the joys of living 🙄

#targeted individual #v2k #directed energy weapons #gangstalking

[knife-at-a-knife-fight]

It feels like a weird time to be queer (in North America and Canada specifically (hell, in the Toronto area specifically), but most of the Western world falls in a similar boat). To me it feels like we are in the beginning of the aftermath of decades of progress that we are still connected to. The fight isn’t over and this whole having rights thing is still pretty new. But I know people who feel like we are in the end stage, that we are past the homophobia and transphobia of yesteryear and don’t seem to recognise the issues that still persist in much of the world. 

I know people who have struggled with their identity and spent years figuring out how and where they fit into our society that has the stability of a house of cards. I know people who’ve been worried, afraid, terrified, or at least cautious of what being found out as queer could mean for them. I know people who think nothing of it. Who find their queer identity mundane and of little note. 

I know people who are queer (and have known it for a long time) who know seemingly nothing of queer culture. What’s more, they don’t care for queer culture. They are indifferent to it. It’s nugatory to them. They don’t know any of the history. They don’t know any terminology that doesn’t pertain explicitly to them - and even that they know little of. And I know people who are practically encyclopaedic when it comes to queer culture, queer movements, and queer history. I know people who hold great respect for those who made our visible and public existence possible. I know people who will stop and hold space and thought for a moment whenever they come across an image of Marsha P. Johnson, and mentally say a small yet utmost sincere “thank you” because she was so greatly instrumental in all that we have today. I know people who could tell you every known detail about The Montreal Olympic Clean Up, the Bathhouse Raids, the Brunswick Four, the Sex Garage Raids, and the Pussy Palace Raids (Pussy Palace was raided in 2000, it was ruled unlawful in 2002, the class action against the police was settled in 2005, shit’s current). People who could tell you about the Little Sister’s Bookstore Seizures and Constitutional Challenge where they won in the Supreme Court of Canada in 1990. People who could go on endlessly about the importance of Buddies in Bad Times - because it’s not only our struggles that should be celebrated, but our successes, the ways in which we flourished, as well. Because as many of these people will so proudly tell you, we didn’t just survive, we lived. 

But even if we ignore for a moment the implications of choosing to ignore our history and culture, if we disregard the way in which some people have no appreciation for those who fought for us - those who died for us - I still don’t understand the apathy in holding no respect for those Still Fighting For Us. The Toronto Village murders spanned 2010 to 2017, TPS greatly mishandled the first few missing person’s cases that allowed this to continue as long as it did, McArthur was sentenced in 2019. This isn’t historic. This isn’t something we can rationalise as being long in the past. I’ve personally spoken to the TorStar journalist who wrote the exposé  - she isn’t much older than I am. This is current day. 

I starkly remember 12 June 2016, scrolling through instagram and other various internet sites in the middle of the night, when the Pulse Nightclub shooting happened. I know it was 2:00am when the shooting started (I even want to say it was 2:02 specifically, because that number is still in my head six years later), and I couldn’t tell you what time I heard about it, but I remember looking over at the clock next to my bed just before 5:00am, the sun starting to come up, having spent hours checking everything I could to know what happened. I remember that fear, that sadness, and having to hide it at the same time. I remember pretending that I wasn’t mourning 49 brothers and sisters and who died in what should have been a safe space for them to exist. And as specific as it may be, I remember in great detail the video Tyler Oakley made about it two days later. I haven’t watched that video in nearly six years, yet on a minimum biweekly basis I think about his Mario Kart Rainbow Road analogy. 

I don’t understand the people who can say “I don’t know, it’s not like it affects me, so I don’t keep up with it” when they are also queer. I don’t get how they don’t view any issue in our community as an issue for them. When people hate one of us, they often hate all of us. Supporting each other is how we have survived and fought thus far, and it isn’t the time to stop. 

I know people who think that homophobia and transphobia are dead. I know people who have never heard a person genuinely use a slur and think that it doesn’t happen anymore. I know people who think we are in the idyllic aftermath. But I also know people who have been called every slur you can think of. Actually, know what? I’ve been called most of the slurs you can probably think of. Queer men who have outright told me that they’ve never been treated poorly for being queer in any way have also told me that I shouldn’t use the word fag/faggot (not that it comes up often) because it’s a slur specifically used against gay men. But unlike them, it’s a word that I’ve been called among others. It’s a word that’s been shouted down hallways where I genuinely don’t know if it was directed at me - sometimes it was. It’s a word that people said to my face. It’s a word that I washed off of a locker - whose, I’ve no clue, nor do I even know if the locker’s owner ever saw it, I hope not (btw, rubbing alcohol/hand sanitizer, hairspray, and acetone (nail polish remover) can all be used to remove sharpie off various smooth surfaces, but also be careful, acetone can take off paint as a whole) - the fact that I had hand sanitiser and hairspray on me that day was a coincidence I’m thankful for. It’s a word that I’ve scribbled over in bathroom stalls more times than worth keeping track of. So if I choose to, yeah, I do think that fag is a word that I am damn well allowed to use. Because it sure as hell was used against me. I’ve been called a dyke, a lesbo, a homo, a butch, a poof, and a fruitcake among others (someone googled terms to pull that last one out, they aren’t that well versed in their slurs) - all in a derogatory tone if that needs specifying. And I know that they did it to annoy me, because they knew I was the one who would jump in to defend my queer siblings when they started talking shit. Yet I was fine with it being directed at me, because I was used to taking it, and I would prefer they put that on me over the baby gays freshly out of the closet to whom it could have done more harm. 

I don’t get how people can tell me that our community’s issues don’t concern them when the rate of suicide and suicidality among queer and specifically trans youth is staggering high. I know people (including trans people) who know nothing of this, they have no clue that it’s as bad as it is. Yet I also know others who, like me, hear constantly about trans people being killed or committing suicide. I still remember Leelah Alcorn’s suicide note and the picture of her in a white dress with black trim in a store’s changing room. I remember - some seven and a half years later if my maths check out - the line “sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me.” It’s not historic. It’s not all in the past. This is still current. 

I know people who don’t really know anything about the AIDS epidemic. I know people who don’t know that hundreds of thousands of queer people died while governments ignored them for years, while others said that it was divine retribution for “sinful acts.” And I know people who could tell you the date in 1985 when Reagan addressed it for the first time. Or when he got off the plane in Philadelphia and, when asked what we should tell children in schools, spoke about “morality” and “lacking abstinence education.” I know people who can still hear in their heads the tapes of Larry Speakes (white house press secretary for Reagan) laughing with reporters about “the gay plague” - either because they heard said tapes well after the fact online (like me) or because they were alive then, many of them having watched friends of theirs die a preventable death. Many people came to know Antony Fauci’s name in the past ~two years, but others knew him well before as the one responsible for the US’ wilful mismanagement of the AIDS crisis. While being presently viewed as some sort of superstar for his dissemination of information and research on covid, others knew him well before as the one who wrote the paper claiming close contact could possibly spread AIDS, causing mass distrust of queer people by the cishet public. I’ve seen articles that say how now has he become a household name, yet also have discussed with people in the past ACT UP San Francisco’s open letter to him regarding his responsibility and failures in the AIDS epidemic. 

Now, I am not saying that you have to know all of these things, I’m not saying that you have to know any of these things. I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong if you learned something reading this and didn’t know it previously. You are not required to be a walking encyclopaedia of queer knowledge. You don’t have to be able to pull out a single fact at all. And I am fully aware that there is so much more to know than I’ve mentioned here, and I am completely certain that there are countless things I do not know about queer culture and history. Being able to speak about it and know these sorts of things is something that I find important for myself, and I respect that that isn’t something everyone can do or finds important in their own lives. And I also know that this is something a hell of a lot of people do a hell of a lot better than I can or ever will be able to. 

I’m shocked by the dichotomy. I started writing to note on how somehow I can be in a room with two people of the same age and similar backgrounds who have vastly different understandings and perspectives on queer issues. There are those who don’t know, don’t care, and brush it off as old news. At the same time, there are those still fighting, or who have been fighting from long before now, to whom this in no way can be written off as merely historical, having happened in the past. Because it can’t be both a bygone event and still happening. And it is still happening. 

My point is not that people need to know these things with any degree of specificity. My point is only that people, especially queer people, need to recognise that any rights, freedoms, and recognition we currently have are because of the tireless and unending efforts of those who came before us, and those fighting for us now. I don’t think we should take for granted any of their work, because we wouldn’t be here without them. And my point is that these issues didn’t end with the legalisation of gay marriage or the decriminalisation of queerness - nor is queerness universally decriminalised, 70+ countries still specifically have anti gay laws. Homophobia and transphobia still exist and are deeply rooted in society. We are still fighting. And even if you know nothing of our culture, of our history, you best respect and appreciate every person and every action taken that has allowed you the option to remain unaware. 

You don’t have to know or remember any detail or piece of information. But you should hold space for the people who fought and fight for you. They have and continue to put in the work so that eventually, no one else will have to. The least you can do is appreciate that. They want to see you succeed. Your success is their success is our success. 

We have come far. But that doesn’t mean we’re done. So celebrate.  Remember. Appreciate. Thrive. 

#or maybe it's just me #gay rambling #little gay rant #mine

[poisoned-peppermint]

Part 4 of incorrect quotes because i feel obligated to make more due to the sheer number of people who liked it

Dream: My dearest beloved fuckos, is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech

George: See also, esteemed bastards

Bad: Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated cryptids. 

Sapnap: My fellow yees and haws

~~~~~~~

Techno:Hey I know skyrim is revered as a classic but are we just going to ignore the fact that the entire game only had like 3 voice actors

Wilbur:Stop right there criminal cum

Techno:My ancestors are smiling at me, bastard, can you say the same

~~~~~~~

Foolish:When's your bedtime :)

Purpled: Whenever I next collapse in purely up to the gods

~~~~~~

Ranboo:Human skin is a fursuit for skeletons 

Tubbo: i’m going to debone you like a fucking trout

~~~~~~

Bad:You’re enough

Bad: love yourself!!!!!!! or suffer my wrath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream:And by wrath I mean love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad:no I mean wrath!!!!! You reading this, if you don't love yourself I’ll beat you with a stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~

Bad:I hope everyone is today well! And tomorrow!!!! After that you’re on your own.

~~~~~~

Bad:what am I supposed to do all day while you’re at work

Skeppy:I don’t know, what do you normally do while I’m gone

Bad: wait for you to get back

~~~~~~

Velvet:For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in

Ant:Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Velvet:Early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch

~~~~~~

Tubbo: 3:23 AM make a wish

Ranboo: I wish that you would go to sleep

Tuddo: Yeah well I wish I grew an inch taller every day as you get an inch shorter until you’re as flat as as a piece of paper and I’m 11 feet tall

Ranboo: You’re going to die of a mixture of skeletal instability and heart disease.

Tubbo: Yeah but I’ll look good while doing it.

~~~~~~

Bad:Disrespect me again and I’ll determine your bodies resonant frequency and play a jaunty horn solo that boils your miserable organs inside out 

~~~~~~

Quackity: If I were dating you?  Well, heh. Let’s just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore

Karl: hey what the honk does this mean…..I’m shaking what does this mean!

~~~~~~

Skeppy: Are you ok?

Bad wrapped in a burrito blanket drinking his 6th cup of coffee: Yes, this is exactly what mental stability looks like

~~~~~~

Sam: My hands are cold

Ponk: *holds their hands*

Ponk: better?

Sam: My lips are cold too

~~~~~~

George at dream’s funeral: can I have a moment alone with them?

Sapnap: of course *leaves*

George leaning over dream’s casket: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.

Dream: yeah no shit

~~~~~~

Skeppy, jokingly: I should have Bad kill you for that.

Bad, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Skeppy: Wh- no, I was just kidding around.

Bad, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you

~~~~~~

Bad *watching the news*: Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Skeppy *covered in ink*: Maybe the squirt was being a dick.

~~~~~~

Peacock: *spreads feathers at Bad*

Skeppy: It’s trying to attract a mate

Bad, extremely confused: *shyly lifts top*

Skeppy: No!

~~~~~~

Sapnap: Karl, do you eat olives? My dad wants to know

Karl: No, I hate olives. Olives are the spawn of satan. I hate olives so much my mom forced me to live in Mount olive for the rest of my childhood as a curse from the olive gods. Do you understand how much olives have ruined my life? I'm so offended that you asked me that have some consideration for people who have been abused by olives please!

Sapnap: K A R L ……….they’re just olives!!?

Karl: JUST OLIVES EXCUSE!

~~~~~~

Tommy: If you’re bored you can simply close your eyes and rotate a cow in your mind. It’s free and the cops can’t stop you

~~~~~~

Wilbur: is there anyone even named sheldon irl?

Tubbo: my class turtle from 6th grade :)

Wilbur: that’s a turtle

Tubbo: When god sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

~~~~~~

Ranboo: No bcuz why do ppl like salad?? What’s so good about it

Tubbo: chew leaf like god intended

Ranboo: No

Tubbo: Abandon god and see what he does next time you lift your hands in prayer

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Wilbur, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

~~~~~~

Quackity: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

~~~~~~

Puffy: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Bad: Sex.

Skeppy: Seriously, answer faster.

Bad: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Skeppy: It’s like a giant hug.

Puffy: Ant, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Ant: Food.

Puffy: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Ant: ……...Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Gumi: What about you Velvet? What would you give up sex or food?

Velvet: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Gumi: No, you gotta pick one.

Velvet: Um, food… no, sex… no, food…sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want Antfrost on bread!

~~~~~~~

Tommy, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

~~~~~~~

Bad: Why are you guys acting like this?

Boomer: Oh, we’re not acting. We really are like this.

~~~~~~

Techno: Dream has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing.

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re pathetic!

Wilbur: You’re pathetic-er!

Techno: You’re both losers.

~~~~~~

Bad: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.

Skeppy: Bad, please!

Bad: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for Michal?

Ranboo: They need to learn how to protect us.

~~~~~~

Antfrost: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

~~~~~~

Bad: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Skeppy: Go the fuck to sleep Bad!

Bad: LANGUAGE!!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo, please calm down.

Tubbo: I asked for two large fries!

Tubbo: *dumps fries onto table*

Tubbo: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

~~~~~~

Bad: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.

Skeppy: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

~~~~~~

Wilbur: When you’ve been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.

Tommy: Navy blue isn’t your color.

Wilbur: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Tommy*

~~~~~~

Bad: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*

Puffy: Where did you get that?.

Bad: My pocket.

Puffy: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?

Bad: Skills.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: I will come to your house after work and knock on your window at 11 AM. You will not open the curtains, knowing full well what awaits you, but the knocking only grows louder, more demanding. Finally it stops, your ears ringing. You nervously let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You're safe now. Minutes pass by and you start to relax. And then you hear a knock at the front door. Like before, you stay still and clutch the blankets around you. You try to tell your self that it's just your imagination. Maybe the milk man? But why would he come so late? Everyone else was asleep, save for Naomi who was playing video games down stairs. To your relief, the knocking stops after a few. Minutes and you breath easy once more. Until you hear a knock on your bedroom door. You don't move. It's just your imagination. She isn't here. She can't be here. You tell yourself, shutting your eyes and willing yourself to sleep. The knock comes again, but with horror you realize that it came from the closet inside your room. You know that you have no choice. You get up, climbing out of bed with shaking limbs. You walk to the closest, trembling, and holding back the tears threatening to spill over your porcelain cheeks. You hesitate with your hand over the closet handle. Maybe it's just your imagination? She's not really there. You can go to sleep and laugh it off in the morning. Your naive thoughts are cut off by another, more demanding knock on the closet door, inches from your face. You know what you have to do. You open the closet door, and there she stands. Chuck e cheese, the mouse looms over you in the dim light. It's soulless eyes boor into you. It raises its arms, and you flinch as it begins to floss at lightning speed. Tears spill over your cheeks. This is the last thing you'll ever see.

Ranboo: Wait, Chuck e cheese’s pronouns are she/her? Trans Chuck e cheese? Good for her.

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Would you like something to drink? *They opened the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-

Quackity: Spiders?

Bad: Spiders it is then.

Quackity: No, that wasn’t-

*But they were already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders…

~~~~~~

Puffy : Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Velvet : Make his dick hard not his life.

Punz : Break her bed not her heart.

Skeppy : Play with his boobs not his feelings. 

Ant : Get on his dick not his nerves.

Bad : Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!

Tommy: Bet you I can!

Phil: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

~~~~~~~

Ant: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Ponk: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Skeppy: Badboyhalo bath water.

Bad: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

~~~~~~~~

Fundy: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!

Wilbur: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Mint is just cold spicy.

Pummel party Squad: …

Gumi: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

~~~~~~~~

Quackity: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Phil:

Phil: Why are you eating dirt?

Tommy: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

~~~~~~~

Tubbo: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Quackity: You’re too young to have enemies.

Tubbo: You don’t even know.

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Puffy: What’s up your ass this morning!

Bad: *walks in* …Hi!!

Puffy: Hmm… nevermind.

Skeppy: WAIT NO!

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Ha! Don’t you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Skeppy: I must be losing it, I’m quoting Bad.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Bad, I sense hostility.

Bad: Good, because I hate you

~~~~~~~

Bad: Are you a painting?

Skeppy: What-?

Bad: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Skeppy: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG ME OR SOMETHING-

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re giving me a sticker?

Phil: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Tommy: I’m not a preschooler.

Phil: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Tommy: I earned this, back off!

~~~~~~

Dream, sweating: George, there’s something I need to ask you-

George: Finally! You’re proposing!

Dream: How’d you know?

George: Dream, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

George: I even picked it up once

~~~~~~~~

*Bad and Skeppy looking at a locked gate into a park*

Bad: Aw. :(

Skeppy: You know what they say.

Bad: Please don’t-

Skeppy: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Bad: Frick-

~~~~~~~~

let me know if ya’ll want more <3

#dream smp #incorrect quotes #mcyt incorrect quotes #pummel party saturday #gumi my beloved #skephalo #badboyhalo #skeppy #dnf #dream team #georgenotfound #sapnap #quackity #karl jacobs #ant and velvet #happy duo incorrect quotes #captain puffy #purpled and foolish have an interaction #dsmp tommy #sbi #dsmp techno #philza #very gay undertones in this #beeduo #tubbo my beloved #ranboo my beloved #also a smidge of ponk and sam

[mcmactictac]

Hello hello I was randomly thinking about this as I was at work and I’m finally getting a chance to write it this is gonna be a long one folks buckle up today we’re talking about the hunger games, and specifically the “love triangle”

I’ve watched/read the series throughout various points in my life and my opinions have always changed slightly as I grow older and gain more knowledge. I personally see Katniss as aro/ace, I think it makes sense for her character. I’m not really qualified to talk about that but I have seen some people in that community do a wonderful job explaining it. So with that in mind I’m looking at this through a more practical lense, who compliments her personality and needs best.

Now I have always stood by that at the very beginning of the series, Gale and Katniss made sense. They were on the same wave length, they survived off each other and made good sense. If they had actually decided to run off before the games, they would have worked. But as soon as Katniss comes back from the games, it all goes to shit. Because she’s no longer on that wavelength with Gale. He doesnt understand and he never will. And during the games Peeta was the person she “survived” off of. Yes she carried them but they were in it together for a while you know?

Now she doesn’t really trust Peeta yet. I mean yeah she likes him, she put in the effort to help him but she doesn’t have that connection she had with Gale at the start. And you have to keep in mind that the games were really not that long. Katniss and Peeta hadn’t spent that much time together before the games ended. So although they are intensely bonded out of trauma and necessity, once shes out of that situation she tries to detach. But you can’t go back to how it was before. Suddenly you’ve killed people and you almost died and you lost people and it’s intensely traumatic. Katniss never wanted to show off, it was all about practicality and survival. And you come back different than before, with the guy you spent so much time with interpreting your actions wrong. He wants conflict. He invites it for the “greater good”. Katniss really doesn’t want to cause more fighting. She has already fought enough. And Peeta is the only other person (besides Haymitch) who knows what the games are really like. And her and Peeta will always share that burden together.

Like Katniss, Peeta never wants conflict. He’s smart and he can get what he wants in other ways. Without him admitting his crush on Katniss in the first book, he likely would have died. He can get closer to what he wants without hurting people. He only volunteered in the Quarter Quell to protect Katniss, not because he wanted to go in and prove something. He fully intended to die so that she can live. He’s fiercely loyal and understands in a way no one else ever could. Even after mockingjay, at his core those qualities are still there.

Gale is a raging fire full of heat and passion, Peeta is the gentle warmth of a fireplace. Gale leads with practicality and Peeta leads more with his heart. Gale is the sharp sting of wind on a winter morning as it freezes your skin, Peeta is the warmth of natural sunlight in the summer. For a long time, Gale guaranteed safety. But after the games, that wasn’t true anymore and especially after Mockingjay with Prim. Gale is 100% responsible for that. In a war situation, it’s a good move. A really really low blow, but effective and he knew that. He spends so much time wrapped in his anger and his determination to do what’s right he loses his empathy along the way.

Katniss wants safety. She doesn’t want to fight, she doesnt want to run anymore. Gale can’t give her the stability, the safety, the comfort that she so desperately needs. But Peeta can. He’s going through the exact same thing. “Choosing” Peeta promises stability snd understanding. Not having to fight. Just enjoy the peace and simplicity. Peeta makes sense because Gale is never going to understand her. She’s always going to feel isolated around him.

Peeta understands. He’s connected to her through their history, and they grew and changed together. Gale and Katniss grew apart as Peeta and Katniss grew together. At the end of the series the only “choice” for her is Peeta because she doesn’t trust Gale anymore. He isn’t safe, he isn’t the more peaceful life she wants anymore. He evolved and wants something different, and their values don’t line up any more. Peeta provides the soft warmth and compassion she needs.

That being said she doesn’t NEED anyone. But she does a shit job taking care of her own mental health, and Peeta would be able to help her with that in ways Gale can’t. Post everything, Peeta is a better support than Gale, despite Peeta being unstable himself.

That being said I was a Gale fan the first time I read the books like years ago but the older I get the more it’s like. They’d never work. They aren’t the same people they were at the start. After Katniss comes back from the first games they were never going to work because Gale was always focused on moving the revolution aspect forward, and not on the fact Katniss was in severe mental distress.

Katniss is perfectly capable of providing for herself, but she needs someone to support her emotionally as she works through her trauma. Peeta is the only person who can do that by the end because he’s the only one who understands and that she trusts. That’s all!!

#thg #the hunger games #Peeta mellark #Katniss everdeen #everlark #catching fire #mockingjay #gale hawthorne #long post #thg analysis

[fairycosmos]

hey, i have a sister who struggles with addiction. she moved out from our parents to my place when she turned 18, so that she could have some space and that her highs and lows wouldnt affect our younger siblings that much. but shes been going through a hard time for quite long now, which causes her to treat us around her like complete shit. her behaviour led into a pretty bad argument, which led to me driving her to our parents in the middle of the night cause i couldnt mentally or physically handle the shit she was giving me anymore. after that night, she never returned to mine and told our parents to pick her stuff and move it into a new apartment that she got for herself (which locates in the same building as her friends who she uses substances with). she hasnt reached out to me at all, even though we have been around each other and i cant bare to approach her either, cause im still upset and hurt. my mom said that shes already prepared to lose her. i heard from her friends that shes told them that if she goes unconscious, theyre not allowed to call the ambulance or try to help her. i am worried sick to my stomach everytime i think about her and i feel so powerless. my parents just say that theres nothing more we can do, she goes to psychotherapy and shes under the social services but still i feel like we should do something more to help her or to stop her from destroying herself. im so sorry if this message makes you feel uncomfortable, but since ive followed you for quite awhile and i know your experiences with these things, i would appreciate if you could help me with this situation or at least try to give me some advice, how to cope with these feelings that come from loving your sister that struggles. i dont want to lose her.

hey, i am so sorry to hear this. there's a lot i could say and a lot i want to say but can't really articulate. i don't think there's any one size fits all advice for such a complex and heartbreaking situation. i guess i'll begin with what i'm sure of, and that is that your boundaries and feelings are justified. addiction literally rewires your brain and perception of the world beyond recognition, to the point where the only thing the person cares about is their vice. it's just total tunnel vision, selfishness denial and violence on top of selfishness denial and violence. being around ppl like that, especially a loved one, is beyond exhausting, it's its own special kind of hell. like screaming at a brick wall. it's totally understandable that you had to take a step back after falling victim to her erratic, manipulative and abusive behaviour. the drug use explains it but it absolutely does not excuse it. you're really brave for putting your foot down and prioritizing your own mental stability when it all got to be too much. know you never have to regret that. having said that, it's possible for two conflicting feelings to coexist and for them both to be (for lack of a better word) valid. she's your sister - of course you're worried, of course you're terrified for her. of course you love her even while feeling like you hate her, at times. it's alright to let your emotions be illogical, to just weather the storm and let them pass through you. write it down, talk to your loved ones, maybe consider speaking to a therapist or hotline over it. it's perfectly normal to need that support and talking through your circumstances may be illuminating/lead to some personal revelations regarding how you want to approach this. ultimately, you're angry because you care. after a while i was like that too, with my sister. although i tried to let her know that i was more worried than frustrated during our conversations, sometimes i still couldn't help the internal rage. all because i wanted her to wake up to reality and for her to be okay - i didn't get her thought process at all, didn't get her version of the world. and i felt so fucking powerless because she just strayed so quickly from her path, despite what she was telling me, despite her being relatively fine mere months prior. despite us being best friends and on good terms. it's a headfuck, and you don't have to know what to do, you don't have to have anything figured out. just try to focus on what you need, today.

the hardest thing to accept is the fundamental truth of the situation, and that is that you can't fix this for her. can't love her out of it, can't enable her out of it, can't fight her out of it. all you can do is be there for her emotionally while still maintaining the appropriate boundaries necessary to preserve ur own mental wellbeing. it's completely okay if you need more time - i know you said you cant bear to reach out to her at the moment, which makes total sense. but since you sent this message and i can still see that you're beyond concerned and it's only getting worse, maybe you could consider calling her or sending her a text or meeting her for coffee when you're ready. just to let her know you haven't stopped thinking of her. and that you care about her so much, that when/if she's ready to get help you will be with her every step of the way. even if shes battling addiction for the rest of her life. if she screams at you, if she breaks down, if she ignores you for what you say - fine. but at least she'll know on some level that she is not alone, and at least you'll know you did what you could with what was in your control. also about her being under social services - is there any way you could get in touch with them, maybe explain that youre still worried about her and that you think she needs a higher level of care, maybe ask them if theres anything proactive you can do in collaboration with them to maximize the help shes getting? i dont know how it works where you are, that might be a no go, but i just thought i'd mention it. i'm sorry, i know it's a disappointing answer, but i really don't realistically think there's any other. there's only so much of this that is in your hands and so far it sounds like you've done and are doing everything possible to stay sane while looking out for her. i really really hope something clicks for her and that she starts to listen to you and her loved ones soon, that she begins to approach recovery out of the genuine need to get better. but it really does have to come from within her, all you can do is encourage it. im sending you both so much love. i know more than anyone how fucking stressful it is to have to wake up to this every day, and i'm so sorry. if you need someone to talk to, my inbox will always be open. you deserve peace in your own life, too. take care x

resource one

resource two

resource three

#tw addiction #tw drugs #anon #talking

[astrologiaxo]

Messages for the signs <3

For Sun, Moon, and Rising. Check all 3! Starting w Leo cause LEO SZN.

Affirmation of the Day:

FLEXIBILITY - I am flexible and adaptable to change while I pursue my ambitions. 

Leo: Detach yourself from any power struggles that you may have placed on yourself unknowingly. You’ve been hard on yourself these days. You have the power to release yourself from these shackles, no one else has that power but you. Mind fucking yourself isn’t gonna get you anywhere. End the victim mentality. Once you’re able to overcome this you will start to flourish and fight for what is right. Your fiery self will come to light once again, and just in time for your season! 

Virgo: Something is trying to manifest through you but you’re blocking it! You blocking yo blessings, Virgo! Negative thoughts are consuming you and instead of the positive things you think about, you’re manifesting all the negative. If you think it’s not aligned with your higher self, take a moment and reconsider. Is it fear stopping you or were you manifesting something that was of no use? You’re hesitant to realize what is good for you. You’re feeling guilty that maybe you don’t deserve all these manifestations. You’re being tested right now but stay the course. Only you know what’s in your best interest. 

Libra: Your heart’s desire is being blocked right now. You’re dealing with setbacks that you were not expecting. You’re preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. So far it’s been a shit storm. But there’s good news! All that has seemed unfair and unjust is finally being met with justice. All the turmoil that you’ve undergone was all for the greater good. Good karma and bad karma happens to us all. You may have been struggling with finances or health and this has been a hard time for you. Be more wise with yourself and take care of yourself. Don’t overspend and save for a rainy day. Also, watch out for the friends you surround yourself with as they are a big reflection of who you are. If you feel you need to make new friends that align more with your spirit, this is your sign to work on communication and find better collaborators. 

Scorpio: You’re being tested! This is a newsflash to not quit. Even if you feel like you have every reason to quit, keep going. You have the right mindset and passion to go after what you’ve been working on for a while. If you stay confident and strong, you will receive all the fruits of your labor. You may be struggling trying to balance your passions with more practical matters in life, such as finances. And you feel you can’t have one without the either. It’s okay to chase your passions sometimes and not get so caught up in the finances. Follow your heart and dream big, Scorpio!

Sagittarius: Quarantine is making you face your demons. Instead of escaping like you usually do, you’ve been getting to the root of all your problems lately. You’re realizing what you were chasing before quarantine is not aligned with your higher self anymore. You’re surprisingly craving more stability and grounding energy than usual. You’ve realized that if the world is gonna end soon, you’d rather be boo’ed up or make sure that you and your family are well provided for. This is your new way of exploring life, since you can’t travel anywhere. You’re exploring what it’s like to change your priorities from socializing and mingling to stabilizing energy. You’ve had your fun and want to get more serious so you can finally get your shit together and chase your dreams!

Capricorn: You’re in a good place, Cap. In the past you were feeling disconnected and not like your self, but now your purpose is becoming clear and things are starting to fall into place. You’re thinking ahead and making sure everyone around you is okay. It took a lot for you to get here though. You trusted your intuition and defended all that you’ve worked for. With this came more security where you felt comfortable enough to let your walls down and open your heart to receiving some love from the outside world. You trusted the process and the process did not let you down!

Aquarius: You’ve been intellectualizing the fuck out of a partnership right now. There’s someone on your mind and you’ve been analyzing EVERYTHING about them. You’re hopeful about the situation, however, you’re just wondering WHY is it taking so long. You’re starting to feel impatient and lose hope when you feel there’s no progress, but when you start to over think, you know deep down you just need to have patience. Which is very hard for you. This person is teaching you that if you want them enough you have to be willing to wait for them. This person is a lot more slow moving than you so it’s not something you’re use to and it’s driving you a lil out of your mind. You’re being tested but are trusting your intellect and wisdom that you believe in this partnership. 

Pisces: You may be feeling extremely ambitious more than you’re use to. You have the mentality that you’re willing to pursue something or someone at all costs, which is a new energy for you since you’re use to going with the flow. This is a great thing for you because it seems like you’re chasing happiness and the bag (money). You’re chasing things that are worthwhile and it’s admirable. You have passionate energy about your desires and perhaps it’s the fact that Mars in Aries so take advantage of this time! You’re getting out of your usual funk and tapping more into wanting to be happy. It feels like something good enough has at last fallen into your lap where you feel like you’ll do anything to have it. 

Aries: You’ve been stuck in the past but you’re finally choosing to move forward. It’s as if though you’ve got a flame coming out of your butt and you’re ready to tap into the future! Perhaps you’ve reconnected with someone from your past but you’re ready to start a new beginning with them. Or something from your past has been looming over you and you’re ready to let it go. Whatever the case, nostalgia was a huge factor but now you’re realizing that you’ve  been holding yourself back from happiness. You’re feeling passionate about your desires and have been inspired to chase after them. Whether someone has started this in you or you’re doing this for others, there’s a lot of stripping of the old and bringing of the new.

Taurus: You’ve been working on yourself! On bad days, you let your fears get the best of you and believe that people will leave you behind and not care about you. This is just something you’ve created in your head though and isn’t true at all. You’ve gladly shunned yourself away from the world during quarantine to really work on yourself. You’ve been in hermit mode and this has done wonders for you. You’re starting to finally see that people have been there to help you all along but it took some time away from everyone for you to notice that. You’ve been so use to feeling that you’re destined for fear and betrayal but are realizing that this was all just in your head. This took a lot of effort and inner work. And if you’re still working on yourself, this is a push to keep going. Try and look at things from a different perspective and not be so stuck on just one. 

Gemini: You have the intellectual upper hand...as always. You’re in the know about everything, knowing both sides, good and evil. Whatever you’re trying to manifest right now, use it to your advantage. Divine timing will make it come true when the time is right but you have to make sure you choose well and bring yourself good karma. You may be hesitant about what you want to choose, and perhaps this is why you’re struggling. You’re not ready to leave the negative because you might be attached to it, but trust that this transition is in your highest favor. Open your heart to the new possibilities. There needs to be an equal give and take here, so bring balance into your life and choose wisely.

Cancer: It’s time for self care and self love. Don’t get so caught up in your anxieties. There’s an indecision that’s been looming over you, a sort of crossroads. Today you’re being asked to relax and focus on yourself. If you don’t know whether to start a relationship or foundation with someone it’s because the thought of it scares you and puts pressure on you that you’re uncomfortable with. Sometimes you don’t practice enough self love to feel like someone really loves you. Cancer, you do deserve love. If you realized how much people cared about you, you wouldn’t be so insecure about accepting love. 

#astrology #zodiac #all signs #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #messages #astrologia #dailyhoroscope #horoscope #weekly #monthly

[mudhornchronicles]

dreamboat | greaser!frankie | part four

pairing: frankie morales x reader; greaser!frankie x reader

warning: cursing, talking down, and feels

a/n: listen… I know the song mentioned in this part was released before their time and I’ve tried my hardest to stay within this timeline but it just went so well. sue me. also... do ya’ll like the moodboard i did? c:

part one | part two | part three | part four

masterlist

No matter what you were doing, homework or chores, your mind is always drifting off to Frankie. 

and so did Frankie’s.

The urge to talk to him became stronger every time you saw him in class because you truly enjoyed his company. You liked him because he never tried to be someone he was not - he was true to himself.

You were enamored by the way he spoke so passionately about his mother and his favorite pastimes. You felt a ripple of joy when you had seen his eyes light up when you complimented his father’s car. You also caught yourself giggling like a schoolgirl at the sight of his cheeks reddening at your comment about his “cute dimple.” 

You may have not known Frankie for long, but from the time you’ve spent with him, the more at ease you felt. 

Frankie didn’t miss the quick glances you shot his way, but he also knew you didn’t miss the way he paid more attention to the way you adjusted your pencil when you tried to understand the day’s lesson than to the lesson itself. 

Frankie took a mental note at the fact that you took great pride with your hair. Even though there were endless ways of styling your hair, Frankie’s favorite was your go to up-do with a ribbon that always matched your skirt. It was simple, yet so elegant at the same time. 

You packed your grey spiral notebook and #2 pencils in your school bag and settled the leather strap on your right shoulder. Your class let out early, which you were thankful for. You were tired from running to your first period after missing the bus and having to catch a ride with Max - making him late in the process. You walk into the hallway, ready to take the stairs for your math class when you hear a throat clear behind you. You assumed it wasn’t for you and as you placed a hand on the handrail, you hear Frankie speak your name.

You look back and flash him a tired smile. “Good morning, Francisco.” You check the giant black and white clock and cough up a chuckle. “Actually, good afternoon.”

Frankie looks around to see students’ eyes widen when they hear you call him Francisco. Shit, Frankie thinks. 

“C’mon baby.” Frankie silently chastises himself. “Don’t be runnin’ that pretty little mouth with my government name ‘round here.”

You stood dumbfounded. “Excuse me?” 

Frankie leans back on the cement wall and chuckles. “Y’heard me… Listen sweetheart. I-” He abruptly stops and glares at the gawking students. Freshman, he thinks.

“Was I talkin’ to you? Get the fuck outta here before I give ya a reason to stare.” and with that they scram. You frown and scoff.

“Goodbye, Frankie.”

“No.” He gently grabs your arm and turns you back to him. “Can we please talk? You’ve been avoiding me like the plague.”

“Frankie let go of me.” You tug on your arm, trying to set it free from is grasp. “I’ll be late for math class.”

Frankie lets out a laugh, the laugh you liked hearing. “It’s a short day,” he says. “School’s out for the day.”

“Is today Wednesday?” you question.

Frankie nods and smiles, revealing his perfect dimple. “You got a ride home? Lorenzano told me you got him detention.”

Your mouth drops. “He got detention? Oh no! That was not my intention at all! I was let off easy.” You shake your head in disbelief. “If he’s in there I should be too. Excuse me, Frankie.”

Frankie throws his head back in laughter and holds you in place. “I’m kiddin’, doll. I just saw ‘em leave with Goldilocks.”

“Goldilocks?”

“Michael, sweetheart. I gotta teach ya these names. He was your ride, wasnt he? How ‘bout I take ya home?”

You rub the back of your neck and shake your head slowly. “That won’t be the best idea, Frankie.”

“‘Cause of ya folks?” You nod and decide your shoes are much more interesting to look at than the brown swirls of chocolate that rest in his eyes.

“What do they say ‘bout me?” You look back up and your eyes shift to a doe-like look.

“C’mon dolly. Just tell me.”

You shift your weight from one foot to the other as you bite your lip, trying to find the words to say. “They said you aren’t what I need to be seen with. That your only goal in life is to ruin what they worked so hard to have. My mother said you were only going to use me for the opportunities I earn and use them for yourself and that I should just forget you.” You let out a deep sigh and look into his eyes.

You see his jaw shift side to side and take in a deep breath. He looks at you and says, “and do you believe them?”

“No. Not one bit.”

Frankie takes one of your hands into his and smiles. “Good. I won’t make you any more late to the bus than I already have.” Frankie gestures to the hallway that stretches down and meets the entrance of the building. 

“But I do have a question for you.” You nod, motioning for him to continue. “You wanna go on a ride with me?

“I thought you hid your car?”

“I never said anything about my car. How ‘bout it, dolly? Let me take you on a joy ride.”

You hesitate and Frankie notices this. “Do you trust me?”

He continues to play with your fingers and you give his hand a small squeeze.

“I do.” you smile. “Pick me up at the same spot as the last time, okay?”

———

You can’t help but feel worried, yet excited all at the same time. When you heard the roar of Frankie’s motorcycle, a smirk crept up and planted itself at your lips. You turned and saw Frankie ride up and park right next to you, kicking the stand and stabilizing the bike before walking over to you.

“So this is what you meant by a ride, huh?” Frankie smiled proudly and nodded. “Yep. This here is Delta. Finally finished her a couple months back. Whatd’ya think? Ain’t she a beaut?”

You walked around the bike, analyzing it and committing her details to memory. “She’s a Harley FL? She looks like a ‘41 or ‘42.”

Frankie looks back at you with an amused look. “You know bikes?”

You smiled and nodded. “My uncle owns a shop upstate.” You comment. “His prized possession is a 1935 Vincent Comet. He’s very proud of it. It doesn’t move, but it looks nice.” You joke. 

“I think I just fell in love with you, doll. You can’t just whip this on me so suddenly.” You laugh with him and smile to yourself.

I think I just fell in love with you, doll. 

“Before we go, I need you to wear this.” He says handing you a silver and red helmet. You frown and pat the crown of your head. “But it’ll frizz and flatten my hair”

He pulls a white bandana from the inside of the helmet and hands it to you. “It won’t, trust me. My mom wears this all the time and her hair is still higher than the empire state.”

“I do trust you, Frankie.” You chuckle. You bring his hands, bandana in between, and motion for him to tie it for you. This brings him close. His face is close to yours - his lips closer than ever. 

He ties it in place and cups your cheek. Your eyes are glued on each other and that feeling of being content flows back into your system. He clears his throat and hands you the helmet, unbuckling it before you take it into your hands.

He helps you onto the back of the bike and before he can get on, you spot his school bag tied to the side of the bike. “What’s with the bag?”

“It has something for us. Don’t worry, doll. You’ll see soon.”

———

Who knew this place had such a view. Frankie drove up through windy roads, the elevation making your ears pop, but the result was breathtaking. He pulled up to a flat section of the mountain, nearly at the top, and you could see the navy image of the mountain range serving as the background of the miniscule outline of the town.

Frankie helps you off the bike, placing a helmet on each of the handles. He unties his bag for the bike, grabbing your hand and leading you towards a grassy area. He opens his bag revealing a squared white tablecloth, snapping it and placing it on the ground. He helps you onto the fabric and allows you to get settled before he sits and re-opens his bag. He snaps his bag shut and looks at you. He calls your name, and you give him your full attention, which he has had from the beginning.

“Would you like to have a picnic with me?” he shyly says. Your cheeks burn at the sight of his timidity. “I would love to, Frankie.”

From his bag, he pulls two glass soda pop bottles nestled in paper napkins, two wrapped sandwiches, candy bars, and a bag of potato chips. He sets your share of the foods in front of you and sets the candy choices in front of both of you.

“I didn’t know what candy your favorite was, or if you even eat candy, but I brought us some options.” He proudly says. In front of you were a plethora of candy: snickers, gummi bears, kit-kats, m&ms, junior mints, and tootsie pops. You grabbed your favorite and thanked him.

You weren’t used to be treated with the amount of kindness as Frankie was giving you. You had been courted before, but they all believed that gifts were the way to your heart, but, you just wanted a good conversation.

“Frankie, can I ask you a question?”

“You can ask me anything you want, doll.”

“Why are you so set on being around me?”

Frankie shrugs, opening his sandwich. “You’re a cool chick.”

You nod in agreement and giggle. “Alright… You’re a cool cat too Frankie… well when you’re not getting arrested.”

Frankie playfully rolls his eyes and lets out a loud groan. “That was one time.”

You give him a nudge and when you are certain he’s looking; you start to mock him.

“Please Mr. Jailer…. Won't you let my man go free…”

Frankie lets out a hearty laugh. “That’s unfair!”

“Please Mr. Jailer,” you continue. “Won't you let my man go free.” You both cackle and howl until you’re out of breath.

“C’mon! How ‘bout ya give my criminal record a break and eat your sandwich!”

You looked at the plastic wrapped sandwich and grinned. “Did you make these yourself?” He nods with a mouthful of food and hums uh huh. You enthusiastically unwrap the sandwich and take a big bite. You let out a moan in delight as the flavor of seasonings attack your tastebuds. It’s not too spicy, but it’s also not bland – making it one of the best sandwiches you’ve ever had.

“This is amazing. What’s in it?”

“Um.. swiss cheese, a mayo and chipotle sauce thing my mom put together, crushed chips, and seasoned chicken. My mom wanted to be different and used chicken instead of ham, I guess.”

“Well tell your mom that she’s a genius. This is incredible.”

Frankie sniggered. “I’ll pass it along. She’s an excellent cook. You’ll have to try it sometime.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

You both sat and ate quietly. No words were spoken – simply taking in the scenic view. You look over to Frankie, only to see him in a daze. There was a question that lingered in your mind and although you didn’t want to ruin the moment, you knew you had to ask. You whisper his name, hoping he would hear it, and he did. He slowly turned over to you and uttered a low yes.

“Why do you act differently when we’re together in public than in private?” You vocalized the confusion that lingered in your mind from the moment he flipped a switch at school. “You’re sweet, smart, and caring while we’re here doing this, but all you do at school is curse, skip class with the boys, and disrespect anyone that looks at you a little too long.”

Frankie knew this conversation would come. He didn’t think you would notice his attitude changes, yet here you were. He lets a sigh be exhaled through his nose as he shakes his head. “You just wouldn’t understand.”

“I don’t. That’s why I’m asking.”

“I act the way I do because that’s what people expect. They expect someone like me to fail and…You have no idea what this town… what these people… can do to you.”

“Frankie… I may not know what you’ve gone through in life, but what I do know is that you have my shoulder to lean on and my ears to listen when you need it the most. I like seeing this Frankie.” You sit up, resting your weight on your legs, and reach for his hand. “The Frankie that gets good grades and has a great sense of respect and responsibility – not the Frankie I saw at school today.”

He looks down at your interlocked hands and lets out a content breath. Frankie gives your hand a squeeze and gazes at you – not at your eyes… this look goes much deeper than that.

“Does your mother really believe I’d use you and toss aside the one person that decided to get to know me before they wanted nothing to do with me?”

You shrug, knitting your eyebrows. “She can think what she wants to think – just know that’s not the way I do.”

A cool breeze picks up as you continuously play with each other’s hands and sit comfortably in close proximity. Frankie reluctantly lets go of your hand and shimmies out of his leather jacket. He wraps it around your shoulders, making sure your exposed arms are somewhat covered. You take a lapel in each hand, pulling on them to wrap yourself with the jacket. Frankie’s heart skips a beat as he takes a mental picture of the way you looked wearing his jacket.

Frankie sits back down, but you nudge your way closer and closer to him. You feel like melting as you smell his cologne, from the jacket and himself.

“What are you going to do about Michael?”

Frankie looks taken aback from the sudden question. “Don’t worry that pretty little head about him. The boys and I will handle the trust fund baby. I’ll figure it out.”

“Are you going to get hurt?”

Frankie stretches his arm out, a quiet plea for you to come closer. You oblige and he immediately wraps his arm around you, placing a chaste kiss atop you head. “I don’t know.”

You put your head on his shoulder and hug him, both arms around him. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“No one will get hurt if Mikey boy plays his cards right.” You look up and see his softened face, but stern eyes. The thought of Michael alone burns a flame in Frankie, a reaction he had no actual reasoning behind.

You stay like this for a few minutes, but you decide to lighten the mood.

“Psst…” you say. Frankie looks down at you with kind eyes.

“I know that no other… One will ever do… And I know that the answer's…All up to you.” you sing.

Frankie sniggers and rolls his eyes, but nevertheless joins you.

“Please Mr. Jailer… Won't you let my man go free.”

———

dreamboat taglist:

@ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @funerals-with-cake @seasonschange-butpeopledont @danniburgh​ @curiouskeyboard

taglists + requests are open!

#frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x you #frankie morales #frankie catfish morales #frankie catfish morales x reader #frankie catfish morales x you #francisco catfish morales x you #francisco catfish morales x reader #francisco catfish morales #francisco morales x you #francisco morales x reader #francisco morales #catfish morales x you #catfish morales x reader #catfish morales #triple frontier #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #dreamboat

[vintagedaydreams]

True Love Never Runs Smoothly Part Six (Carlisle)

Part Six for the Carlisle version!

Yes, I know that I usually update Marcus’ story first, but Carlisle’s just came so much easier this time around. So! Treat for those who are following this story arc!

This chapter was not beta’d, nor was it proof read. #Wedielikemenhere

Without further ado – or delay – the Carlisle update.

@kettnerjanea @jelly-fishy-babie @the-graceful-ace @amwolowicz @batsdothings @waxingmoonstone @littlebabybatthings @mauvette268 @sagittarius-flowerchild @katsav17 @batsuperflashmartianwonderman @imyourapocalypse @bethanymccauley @bepo-is-sorry @raindancer2004 @ashiemochi @artaxerxesthegreat @bloodsweatandsnapple

  You were not in a good place. Okay, physically, you were in a beautiful room in an ancient castle in Italy, but mentally and emotionally? You were just this side of traumatized.

Realistically, you knew that vampires drank from humans. And realistically, you knew that not all vampires enjoyed your company, (the last few weeks in Forks had been testament enough to that), but to have a vampire attack you and try to drain you while in said beautiful and ancient castle in Italy?

Not cool.

Very scary.

All you wanted to do was go home. Go home and seriously forget that anything remotely supernatural existed. Your life would be so much easier. So much…quieter.

That’s what you wanted. Quieter. Easier.

And that’s why you were leaving. Today. Screw any diplomatic anything. You were out.

You were changing back into the clothes you wore here, since you didn’t want to take anything that wasn’t yours and never packed anything for this sudden trip, when a knock resounded through the room.

You froze, not sure if you wanted to scream or cry.

Couldn’t they just leave you alone?

“Come in,” you finally sighed, tugging your shirt on and plopping down on the bed.

The door opened and Aro glided in. Literally glided in. How the man wasn’t gay was still a mystery to you. He was the most feminine vampire you’d met so far – including Rosalie.

“Cara mia!” came the delighted exclamation, as if he hadn’t seen you in years. “How are you doing?”

You crossed your arms, more as a comfort gesture than any hostility.

“Fine, all things considering,” you said after a moment.

Aro’s happy smile faded and he nodded, gesturing to the bed next to you for permission to sit.

As much as you would have liked to decline, it was his castle after all. So you grudgingly nodded.

“It is the ‘all things considering’ that I’d like to talk to you about,” the flamboyant monarch said after he had seated himself with more pomp and circumstance than you were sure was necessary. You were just a human after all.

When you didn’t say anything further – honestly, you were a little scared about what he was going to say next – he continued on.

“My brothers and I have been talking and we do not feel that an Innocent such as yourself should be made to suffer from the side effects of a Neglected Bond.”

Your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“And….what does that mean?” you whispered after a few minutes of Aro just sitting there, staring at you.

“It means that we have come up with two solutions to your…predicament. You are free to choose whichever solution you desire, though I am sure that with your spirit and your independence, you are not going to like either one. However, in a situation like this, with these players and these circumstances, these were the only two solutions that my brothers and I could come to any sort of agreement on.”

You waited with baited breath and Aro seemed to gather his thoughts.

Which you knew was bullshit. The man was a three thousand year old vampire – he didn’t need to stop and gather shit. He knew exactly what he wanted to say and how he was going to say it.

Dramatic asshole.

“What are the choices?” you finally ground out, tired of waiting and breaking the silence first.

“First,” Aro started, all business and any earlier levity gone, “you must promise to chose and abide by one of these choices. It is not only out of duty as Rulers, but also out of concern, that we have set these decisions. We are giving you freedom to choose, which is something that very few beings get. You have the ability to choose whichever path you feel is better for you, but you will have to obey the stipulations that come with each choice to the letter. Any variance that we are alerted to, and we will choose your fate. Do you understand?”

You gulped, not used to being on the receiving end of this kind of attention from such a powerful being.

“Y-yes,” you swallowed, heart kicking up a few notches as your imagination started to run wild. Everything from being turned by the end of the day, to dying as a human, filled your mind.

“Now, cara mia,” Aro soothed, voice honey sweet and more affectionate now, “know that we have your best interests in mind. Neither choice was meant to hurt or inconvenience you, but rather to help you. A Neglected Bond is not a pleasant thing to go through. And while you should – hopefully – feel less of the symptoms since you are human, there will be some side effects all the same and those may affect you more drastically since you are human.”

You gave a shaky nod, eyes wide and heart hammering.

“The first choice,” Aro started, manner again businesslike, “is to stay here in Volterra. My brothers and I have been around for collectively, around nine thousand years, give or take a few centuries. We have gathered a lot of information and ‘tricks of the trade’ so to speak, and have a few ways around some of the more nasty effects of the Bond. We also have members of our Guard that can help as well, making us a rather indispensable resource for those Neglected.”

You weren’t sure what your face was doing, but it must have been telling enough, for Aro gave a small chuckle that was devoid of humor.

“I didn’t think that would be the route you wanted to take.”

You couldn’t help the blush that spread across your cheeks.

“It’s not that I’m not grateful,” you started hastily, not wanting to offend the vampire that had been ridiculously good to you since you came here. You just didn’t want to stay here any longer! Nothing with them, but this place…it just reminded you too much of all this Bond catastrophe.

At least at home, you could try and pretend your life was normal. Much easier to go back to what you were doing before, than try to carve some normalcy out of an ancient vampire castle.

“Rest assured, Young One,” Aro said with a friendly pat to your hand, “I am not offended. I understand your reasoning. Like I said, I did not think that you would want to stay here. However, I am almost certain you will not find the decision so easy to make once you hear of the second option.

Your other choice is to return home, but to have daily contact with the Cullens – Carlisle more frequent that the rest.”

Now you knew what your face was doing – it had to match the rage and betrayal that was rushing hot and heavy under your skin.

“Of all the dirty, underhanded tricks!” you snarled. “You know how they have treated me, how he has treated me and now one of your stipulations is that I am in constant contact with them?! How is that not going to harm me?! How is that having my best interests at heart?!”

A loud, deep growl sounded out from the vampire in front of you and all of your rage fled in the face of pitch black eyes and bared fangs.

“It is because we have your best interests at heart that we are making you choose between these two paths, Y/N,” Aro growled loudly, sounding more predatory and…monstrous, that you had ever heard any vampire sound. Even the one that had attacked you in the corridor.

It looked as if his control was hanging by a thread and you felt a fission of fear run through you.

“It does not please me to think of you back in Forks, with the coven that is responsible for your current condition. However, Marcus seems to think that you would do well, flourish even, back at home where you have some comfort and confidence.”

The way his voice snapped towards the end made you think that if it were up to Aro, you wouldn’t have a choice and you would be staying in Volterra. Permanently.

Which almost sounded like a better idea.

“You will need to decide soon, cara mia,” Aro’s voice broke through your thoughts, once again sounding soothing and affectionate.

You looked up and were met with ruby red eyes.

“The Cullen Coven is heading back to Forks later tonight – after dark. If you are wanting to return to Forks, it must be with them. Otherwise, if you are staying here, we can make sure you have ample time to say your goodbyes to Bella and young Edward.”

You worried your lip between your teeth – Aro was right. The choice was not quite so easy once you were aware of both choices!

And they really weren’t giving you a lot of time to make a decision either. No rush. You just had a few hours to decide your future and how exactly you wanted to negate some of the nastier affects of the Bond.

You frowned.

“Aro? You’ve explained to me how staying here in Volterra would help with the Bond’s affects, but how would me going with the Cullens and seeing Carlisle almost every day help if he’s the reason behind the Bond being affected like this?”

“Even though my dear friend is the cause of this, his very presence will help stabilize the Bond. While the Bond can read intent, it takes awhile and for the most part, at least at the beginning, close proximity to your Intended can and will relieve the symptoms. Simply being around someone from Carlisle’s venom every day and the vampire himself at least every couple, should satisfy the Bond for now.”

“For now?” you echoed warily. “Then what happens?”

Aro hummed, a small smile lighting his face. “That is for another time.”

At your indignant protest, he held up a cold, marble hand and said firmly, “There is a very strong chance that Later will never happen in this situation. Rest assured, we will be monitoring everything and should it get to the point where we need to step in for your safety and health, we will. But it’s best to not even get into that until the time comes. Unnecessary worry solves nothing, Y/N.”

You gave a slight glare, but let it go. If the man didn’t want to tell you, there was nothing you could say or do that would make him tell you. Though, you didn’t think that knowing all the facts about something that was affecting you negatively right now was ‘unnecessary worrying’. More like ‘smart battle tactics’.

Damn dramatic vampires, always having to keep you in the dark about something.

Would it kill them to actually be forthcoming about something before it became an issue?

Probably.

But no matter. Right now, you had a decision to make. Stay here in Volterra, never see your home or work or friends again and have some vampire voodoo make it to where your Neglected Bond was manageable or go back home to your house, work and friends but have to stay in constant contact with the group of vampires that pretty much made your life a living Hell for the last few weeks.

Both of these choices sucked.

“Why can’t I just go live in England by myself for the rest of my life?” you muttered on a sigh, running a hand through your hair.

It would make your life so much easier – consequences of a Neglected Bond be damned.

“Caius will be pleased to know that you are not a fan of either my choice or Marcus’,” Aro commented lightly from beside you and you gave him a Look.

“Good for Caius,” you deadpanned, feeling a well of frustration bubbled up inside of you. Vampires did remember that human brains couldn’t compute and think things as quickly as vampire brains could, right? Like, humans were much slower at everything. Including decision making. (The fact that you were naturally a procrastinator didn’t matter right now.)

Aro suddenly stood, making you startle and look up at him.

“I will leave you to it, Y/N. A guard is stationed outside your door – simply notify them when you have come to a decision and they were notify the proper people.”

“Thanks,” you said automatically, mind already racing through the pros and cons of each decision, feeling the deadline moving steadily closer.

Damn vampires!

-----

So, never again were you going to make life altering decisions about your mental and emotional health on so limited a time frame.

Your bottom lip was bleeding from you chewing through it and you were pretty sure your hair could win a country music award with how much it was all over the place from you pulling at it and running your hands through it.

But you did it.

You had come to a conclusion.

It wasn’t easy and you hoped to never have such a sucky choice again in your life, but you did it.

You would be going home to Forks with Edward, Bella and the Betrayers Six.

As much as being in Volterra would probably be better for you in the long run, right now you needed familiarity. Stability. And your own bed.

The rest would sort itself out.

Besides, you were supposed to be in contact with someone who shared Carlisle’s venom every day. Edward would fill that void just fine.

And then every couple of days, Carlisle could…stand on the back porch or something.

As long as he was close, that should satisfy the Bond. Probably. Maybe. Perhaps. You really needed some more information on this.

Especially if it was going to dictate your foreseeable future.

With a gusty sigh, you straightened your spine and headed to the door to alert your guard you were going home.

Hopefully, you could find Edward and Bella before having to see the rest of the Cullens.

After alerting your guard as to your plans, you were instructed to stay in your room until someone could come fetch you.

Fetch you? Out of everyone in this castle, you were not the one acting like a child!

But you agreed and took a seat on your bed again.

This was actually helping you to realize you made the right decision. If you stayed in Volterra, you wouldn’t be able to stay in your room 24/7. You’d go insane!

A knock sounded at the door and then Edward entered.

“Eddie!” you exclaimed in legitimate relief and joy, hopping off the bed and running to hug him.

A normal person!

Well, as close to normal as any vampire could get at this point.

A low chuckle echoed through the room and you couldn’t help your entire body relax. It just felt so good to be with someone familiar!

“Make sure you don’t touch Aro on the way to the plane,” Edward said with a huff of laughter. “You’ll end up hurting his feelings at your anxiousness to get away.”

You pulled back enough to see Edward’s face, your mouth opening to deny that you were that anxious to get away – Aro had been so good to you, the last thing you wanted to do was hurt his feelings! – but Edward gave you a crooked grin, beating you to it with a soft, “Teasing, Y/N. Aro knows you are just happy to get home.”

You scrunched your nose up at Edward; he would tease you right now.

But it worked and you felt yourself feeling more like yourself than you had in weeks.

You could do this. It was going to suck, especially at first, but you could it.

“Everyone is ready and waiting by the jet,” Edward said quietly as he ushered you out the door and down the hallway. “I thought we would arrive last and then we could leave as soon as we get there without having to wait for anybody.”

You nodded in thanks, squeezing his arm in gratitude.

“Bella is already there?”

“Yes,” Edward confirmed, “she’s holding her own against them. I think she was honestly excited for me to leave and get you – she’s been dying to have some ‘quality time’ with everyone. I guess the last time she yelled at them wasn’t enough for her.”

You gave a snort of amusement, so thankful to have the support of both Edward and Bella. They really were going to be your rocks through this.

It didn’t take long for you and Edward to come up on the jet. The rest of the Cullen Coven were standing fairly close together, though you noticed Jasper and Alice a bit farther away from the group.

Bella stood farthest away, facing the golden eyed vampires with her hands on her hips.

You seriously loved that woman.

“She’s taken,” Edward murmured to you with a grin and you rolled your eyes and shot back, “You’re a lucky bastard.”

Edward’s chuckle was drowned out by the starting of the jet’s engines. The Cullens slowly began migrating to the ramp leading up to the jet, giving Bella a wide berth to your great amusement.

To your surprise, though you weren’t sure why it surprised you, Aro was there to see you off.

“My brothers would have loved to be here as well,” he assured you and you fought not to roll your eyes. You could just bet. “However, they are needed for a sudden, unexpected trial. I did want to see you off before I go and join them; do be careful and remember what we discussed, alright?”

You gave a small smile, not really enjoying the reminder of the whole ‘listen to our rules or we’ll decide your fate’ thing, but…it was nice to know that you had a group of people watching out for you.

You untangled your arm from Edward’s and walked the few steps forward to give Aro a hug. He really had been amazing to you since your arrival days ago.

“Thank you,” you murmured into his chest as his arms came up to wrap around you as well.

“Of course, Cara Mia,” he returned, giving you a last gentle squeeze before you took a step back. “You are an honorary Vampire and one of us now,” he continued with a smirk. “Please, do come visit us soon – no matter the outcome of your Bond.”

You gave a soft laugh, seriously touched that he seemed to give two figs about you.

“You can count on it, Aro. Thank you.”

The King bowed his head and then called to the small number of guards in the area before making his leave.

Edward came back up to you and gently steered you towards the plane where the ‘family’ of vampires who had made your life Hell for weeks, hated your guts for something completely out of your control, and then suddenly tried to get in your good graces after a scolding from vampire royalty, were waiting.

What an amazingly awkward plane ride this was going to be.

#Carlisle x Reader #Reader Insert #Volturi Rock #Edward is not a douche #Twilight Imagine #Twilight Reader Insert #Carlisle Imagine

[satsuki2406]

OPEN SKY Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

“…And never, ever forget that, your dreams are the wings that’ll help you fly.”

(L/N)(Y/N) has always been forced to live according to others’ expectations. As a member of the powerful and influential (L/N) Family, she has had to live with the heavy weight of seeing others write her destiny with no choice but just obey. But when (Y/N) finally decides to risk it all to take the only opportunity to regain the control of her own life, everything ends up going horribly wrong. Surrendered and disappointed, she receives one last chance to prove to herself and to U.A, along with some unexpected help that this was not a crazy and meaningless waste of time.

Maybe this plan could work after all…

PAIRING: (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

GENRE/WARNINGS: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Mentions of sex (nothing explicit tho), dark themes, My poor attempt of comedy, family dysfunctionality, toxic relationships, Strong language (Courtesy of King Lord Explosion Murder 💥), Manga Spoilers.

STATUS: On going

Masterlist \(￣︶￣*\))

5-Let's Get Things Straight

“Well, enough of this awkward little chit chat, let’s get to the point, shall we?”

You immediately tensed at hearing her words, nerves twisting your stomach. Kaguya propped her elbows over the table and interwoven her fingers to lean her chin over them. Her violet eyes, cold and unperturbed landed over your trembling (E/C) ones.

Your grip in the carte tighten just like the muscles in your throat making it hard to gulp the lump forming in your suddenly dry mouth. Seconds felt like hours and for a moment you could feel the air being knocked out of your lungs out of sheer uncertainty.

Although inexpressive, Kaguya’s gaze was intense and petrifying, making sweat accumulate around your collar by the second. You kept like this for a couple of seconds until her stoic expression slowly morphed into an amused one as her eyes slowly squinted and a smirk formed on her plump, glossy lips.

“My, my, are you afraid little cousin? Am I making you uncomfortable in any way? My deepest apologies, I’ve been said that I can make people a little… wary.

“Of- Of course n-no, or is there a reason I should?” You mentally scolded yourself for stumbling on your words, biting your lower lip to keep it from trembling.

“Absolutely not! You shouldn’t! The simple fact that you think I’m remotely capable of attempt to harm you in any way certainly pains my poor heart little (Y/N)~” Kaguya admitted while making a dramatic pose clenching the left side of her generous chest and posing the back of her hand over her forehead to accentuate her ‘hurt feelings’.

“But, you know…” She pondered, her voice taking a more low and dark tone, a harsh contrast to the honeyed voice she used before.

“…There’s a reason why people say that ‘if you own nothing, fear nothing’ don’t you think?”

“What are you trying to imply Kaguya? Stop batting in the bush already.” You snapped trying to hide your fear with impatience and irritation in an attempt to reassure yourself that you still had control of the situation on hand, or at least you tried to.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, calm down (Y/N), I’m just playing with you, believe it or not, I have a playful side, no need to overreact that way, unless…You have something to hide? Hmm? Oh! I’m dying to know! Is goody-two-shoes (Y/N) tangled in some scandalous event that none can know about? Is it a boy? Did you overdraw your credit card or… did something in your academic life happened recently?”

At this last statement, your breath hitched and your blood ran cold. ‘No! Why did she know?! How?! No way!’ You slowly looked up to Kaguya again, a smug expression on her face, she had you cornered, just where she wanted, deny it was useless at this point, your reaction had sold you immediately, at this rate there was not so much that you could do. You were not willing to let her have her way with you, if you really wanted to flip the tortilla on your favor, you’ll have to be bold. So, this was the game she wanted to play? Then two can play as well.

You looked down again, your eyes covered by your bangs, and a little smirk forming in your lips.

‘Smile, and your enemy won’t know what you’re thinking about’

Kaguya noted this and her mischievous smile flattered a little.

“As scandalous as have an affair with your bodyguard and being overheard while performing such lewd acts by a big number of my house’s maids during the Charity Brunch that my mother organized last summer, no, I can assure you nothing of this nature is happening with me. And I may confess that although that bathroom was thoroughly cleaned, I haven’t been able to use it since you ‘christened it’ it results really inconvenient to go all the way to next washroom.”

At this point, Kaguya’s snarky expression abandoned her face completely being substituted by one of shocked disbelief. Her eyes trembled and you could hear the clatter of her teeth.

Before she could retaliate your ‘outrageous accusations’ Hiro reentered the patio where you were, pushing an elegant looking cart carrying a silver platter, a pitcher, a couple of crystal cups, and fine-looking silverware.

“Sorry for the delay ladies!” Hiro said while he put the cups on the table and poured water in them, Kaguya and you kept eye contact the whole time, she was visibly livid, with her arms crossed over her chest, her fingers tapping frenetically over her forearm waiting for the waiter to leave. Lastly, he served the plater in the center with some colorful looking canapes and smaller plates for each of you.

“To begin, I brought one of the newest additions to our menu, Salmon and Caviar Crostini, we started with our fabulous homemade French Baguette grilled to perfection, slightly brushed with high quality Spanish extra virgin olive oil, Norwegian smoked salmon, fresh avocado slices, a little dollop of Crème Fraiche topped with 100% authentic Beluga Caviar and a sprinkle of thyme and dill to perfume and decorate. I hope you enjoy them, now, would you like to begin with some drinks before you order?”

“White Bordeaux, Cheval Blanc 1942” Exclaimed Kaguya.

“Sure thing, one cup of White Bor-”

“No, the whole bottle, something tells me I’ll need it” She sneered, her eyes always fixated on you.

“O-Of course, and for you (L/N)-sama?” Hiro asked with a nervous smile now conscious of the pretty evident tension in the room.

“Umm, do you have Thai lemonade?”

“Yes of course! Would you like it iced or frappe?”

“Frappe please.”

“Alright, a White Bordeaux and a frappe Thai lemonade…” Murmured Hiro while he finished scribbling on his notepad. “Please, enjoy your appetizers, your drinks would be ready soon” And just like that he took the same bar cart he came with and strolled away as soon as he could from what seems to be the eye of a hurricane.

“T-Thank you” You shyly muttered while you saw him disappear in the hallway. When you turned again to glance at your cousin, her face was now bent over, her expression unreadable and the upper part of her face shadowed by her hair. The aura she emended was dark and dense.

You gulped, noticing her now obscure presence, you fidgeted your fingers over your lap thinking how to approach the situation now. Did you go too far? If she knew about the U.A situation it wouldn’t be a good idea to be on her bad side, should you apologize? Maybe it would be the best approach since-

“You really like to run your mouth, don’t you?” She suddenly whispered; it was barely noticeable but you could hear it clearly as it interrupted your ramping thoughts.

In the blink of an eye she abruptly studs up from her seat charging towards you, her left hand was slammed against the table for stability while the other one quickly found a place over the soft skin of your cheek with a resonant slap. Before you could start to process what just happened, she gripped your bangs bluffly bringing her face closer to yours.

You gave her a brief glance when you felt her scalding breath on your face, even with the thick layer of tears distorting your vision, the terrifying scene was bright and clear, her eyes were livid and insane, you always knew she had a temper but this was a completely different level.

“You really must be feeling gutsy, today don’t you?! Do you think you can smart mouth me? Yes, I’ve been having sex with Soichiro, and?! Like I was the first or last to have a liaison in this family or this so-called elite circle. Unlike my stupid, stupid father I know how to handle my personal life, do you really think the hag cares who I get into my bed? You really are naïve or just straight up​ stupid if you think you can threaten me with such a weak move like that.”

Her tone was abrasive and mocking, agitated at some parts but in a whole, confident. Simultaneously, you gripped her wrist in a poor attempt to loosen her iron grasp in your now sore scalp.

“You on the other hand are immersed in a really big pile of shit, and the most comical of all is that you put yourself in it! Did little (Y/N) wanted to play hero? Being just like that showoff media clown All Might? Ha! How amusing!”

“-ver…” You mumbled.

“Huh? Talk properly when you are addressing me brat!” In cue, your hold on her wrist tighten up and your foggy eyes looked at her with newfound courage.

“Never dare to talk like that about All Might! The only reason you and all of us can have this peaceful and safe life is because of him.” You clenched your teeth furiously to the point you thought they would break. “So, spear me your bull and shut up already.” You both kept an intense starring contest until Kaguya’s hard expression broke and stared at you with an amused and more relaxed expression, she pushed you to your seat, finally releasing your abused locks. You carefully pated it down trying to relieve the pulsating soreness in your scalp.

“Well, well, well, who would have said that you could have a bite on you, huh? You’re not the spineless puppet I thought you were after all.”

Now your attention was directed towards the sound of approaching wheels, probably belonging to the same cart that Hiro brought minutes ago. Hastily you tried to accommodate your hair and uniform the best you could, the last thing you wanted was more rumors or gossip going around speculating nonsense like usual. Quickly you gave a glance to your cousin who quietly munched on one of the canapes and sipped on her water cup.

Hurriedly, you took a couple of the overpriced pieces of toasted bread on your plate and took some gulps of water to calm your nerves.

“Oh! I see you are enjoying the hors d'oeuvre!”

“On point as always Hiro, thank you.” Kaguya said while she delicately cleaned the corner of her lips with her napkin. “I’m pleased to hear that, what about you little lady?” Hiro addressed you while he poured the exquisite golden liquid inside the wine bottle in Kaguya’s awaiting cup.

‘Little lady?’

“O-Oh, really tasty indeed, my compliments to the chef.” You just had a bite of it, it was well balanced and everything, but…simply not your piece of cake. You preferred something less complicated and more…homey.

“I’m sure that he’ll be happy to hear that, now, are you ladies ready or you need more time?”

“I’m ready, but, I’m craving something different from what I usually order, what can you recommend?” Kaguya said. Their words at this point transformed into white noise as you got lost in your own thoughts, to be honest, you weren’t even hungry at this point but you were sure you’ll regret it at 2 am when your growling stomach won’t let you rest quietly. But beyond that, what actually concerned you was that in fact, she knew. So, what was her propose? Blackmail sounded the most plausible, but what could she actually get from you?

“(L/N)-sama? Are you ok?”

“O-Oh! Yes, I’m ok! Can you repeat yourself please?”

“I was asking you if you were ready to order?”

“Right! The food! Can I…umm…the-the seafood fettuccini please.”

“Alright! A roast quail in truffle sauce and a seafood fettuccini coming! If you need anything please press the red button on the right side of the table and I’ll be glad to assist you.”

You both nodded as he retracted in the hallway once more.

“So,” Said Kaguya while sipping on her wine. “as you can imagine I didn’t bring you here out of my good will. Apparently, some little audacious punk decided to throw any precaution overboard and apply to Japan’s most prestigious hero school, instead of following the way that her family already had arranged for her, a guaranteed place of work, a generous wage, an empire already constructed for her to take and keep her cushioned, pampered life. So, tell me, make me understand dear cousin, why throw everything to the wind and complicate everything going the hard way knowing your percentage of success is of less than one in a googol?”

“I’m doing what I feel is the right thing for me, following my own dreams and ambitions, not what is convenient or easy, as you said, I do not pretend to be a spineless puppet like the rest of you.”

“Ok, ok calm down. I’m going to humor you for a second about this illogical, dream nonsensical gibbering you are talking about. You apply to this U.A school, and become a hero, help people and all those unnecessary details, you make your dreams come true and you live happily ever after beating up villains with luck enough to don’t die in the process, the end.” Kaguya slowly swirled the cup in her hand while she talked to you not breaking eye contact.

“But tell me, how in the hell do you pretend to even start this little dream of yours if you don’t even have your mother’s or even better, grandmother’s approval? As you already know she has control over everything that happens with every single one of us. Chess pieces that she plays according to her own convenience, do you think we would be what we are today if everyone would have done what they liked and follow their own passions and ambitions? I think you know the answer.” She took one last sip emptying the cup and placed it on the table to fill it again. “Yamashita Takahiro, does that name ring a bell to you?” Kaguya asked.

“Yes, he was an ancestor of us, the one who started everything, the first doctor.”

“Precisely, he was really famous and reputed back in the Meiji period, he even was one of Ogata Kōan’s last students before he passed away in 1863. After that, his son became a doctor, and his son, and the son of his daughter, and so on.”

“In 1939 they founded a small clinic in Yokohama that grew with time extending and expanding in different locations throughout Japan, out shadowing all the other small hospitals and health institutions with their outstanding service and effective methods. We were the first ones to offer free treatment to poor people who couldn’t afford decent health care. That of course is still being reflected in all our foundations and payment help systems like the (L/N) Foundation and The Healer Charity, just to mention some." Kaguya said matter of factly.

“Yes, I already know that, grandmother made sure to drill it inside our heads as soon as we could walk, not to mention that it is part of Japan’s history as well. So, your point is?”

“My point is, we are huge, (Y/N), we have over 160 years in business, even before quirks appeared over 120 years ago. It gives us credibility, reputation, experience, and medical and moral authority above all the others. An image that grandmother exploited to transform us in what we are today, and reach our own Golden Age. But, some rumors have been circulating in the media recently. More like a leak of information.” Kaguya murmured with a sour but serious expression.

“You mean…?”

“Yes.”

“Well, they aren’t rumors, they are truth. Grandmother has forced us to do what she saw fit in order to keep the party going; a multimillionaire, successful, and pretty lucrative party. As you said we are chess pieces that she moves according to what the situation requires. And force us to study medicine and control our lives in every way possible is definitely one of her master moves.”

“Yes, but the general public does not need to know that, the right pressure would bring that party down. It, of course, started as something really mild, insignificant even. Some little urban legend running down on the internet brought to light by some blogger on 4chan or Reddit user. But it has been getting out of control the last week." She said irritated.

“So anyway, because of this problem, grandmother decided to make some exceptions, she would maybe make a couple more in future years, it depends.” You immediately stopped mid-air when you were about to take another sip of your lemonade.

“What do you mean with exceptions?”

Kaguya smirked mischievously at your reaction, delighted that she pushed the right buttons so easily.

“Well, I think you and I know what I mean (Y/N), Your so wanted chance to be a hero, without no one to stop you, not your mom, not the bossy hag, all to the contrary! They would be the very ones to encourage it, giving you the wings to reach what you wanted all your life! But for that to happen, you’ll have to work with me, we only have 3 days to prepare, so the time is an important fact in this.

So, my dear sweet cousin, do you accept or not?

.

.

.

🏷Taglist:

@bakasbitch18  

@alex-sulli​

#bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugo x reader #mha x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia fanfic #my hero academia fanfic #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #bnha #mha #bakugou #bakugo #fem reader #angst #fluff #Multichapter #series #female oc #male oc #dysfuntional family #frienship to love #shinso needs more screen time #yaoyorozu #momo #yaomomo

[myimaginesandrp]

Ben Solo X  Female Reader 

Promt 10: He finds you after coming back to the light

Words: 2,600

 I know it’s under the NSFW list, but I wasn’t feeling the smut. Thanks to everyone who likes my writing! As always this is full of mistakes, please be kind :) I’ve still got requests to get to, please be patient. 

A quiet drip of water escaping from the ceiling flooded the quiet space of your cell. A steady, peaceful sound that was the only thing keeping you sane. One thousand, nine hundred and four drops this morning. Well, maybe it was morning. You had lost all trace of time a long time ago. The cell was cold and damp. The water had seeped through every crevice of your clothes. That is, the ones that weren’t covered with blood. At least they had trapped you in the underground caves instead of feeding you to the sand creatures of the surface world. That would’ve hurt more, at least you hoped. Now you were beginning to think maybe that would’ve been the better way to go.  Every now and again, a gust of wind would travel through your cell, scaring the rat-like creatures that kept you company.  After sitting in the darkness for so long, the scatter of paws was the only motion you felt, a welcomed distraction from the discomfort that filled your body. You reached for your water mug for the third time today. It was still empty. No one had come down in days. Maybe they’d finally fulfilled their threats and left you there to rot.

“I should’ve joined the first order,” you mutter to yourself as you sat up against the wall. The sound of your voice echoed through the caves until it finally faded off in the distance. You were so tired. Physically of course, every movement you made reminded you of the beatings your captors generously and repeatedly bestowed upon you. Mentally, however, you were just as well gone all together. All for a stupid droid. 

The stupid little thing was probably blown up and floating in space while you were sitting here dying. At least you’d won the war. That’s the last thing you’d overheard your captors say anyway. You’d won the war but no one was coming to save you. Maybe they were right. Everyone had more important things to do than to go looking for a rogue resistance pilot. Even if they had been looking for you, the outer rim was the last place they’d think about searching through. Therefore, the lovely cell you found yourself in would likely double as your resting place. Once the rats were done with you, of course. 

The echo of footsteps approaching down the hall interrupted your thoughts. Well look at that, they hadn’t left you to rot after all. Maybe they were back to finish you off. That would be good. At least now you could rest. You fulfilled your mission. The droid got the coordinates; you delivered on your promise. Your eyes fixed on the corridor, waiting to see which one would be the one to finish you off. The red one, you hoped. He would do it quickly.  

The footsteps grew louder and rushed, they were practically running down the path at this point. Through the darkness, you swore you saw a blue glow in the distance. What kind of crazy shit was this? You’d definitely lost it by now. Maybe you were already dying and having visions? No, you were not crazy. With every passing second, the blue glow would grow brighter and closer until you couldn’t stand looking anymore. You shifted your gaze away from the entrance; the light was burning right through your eyes. After not seeing the glow of the sun for months, this was too much for you to bear. The sudden sound of melting metal made you jump. Whoever was behind the gates of your cell was tearing the bars down. You cowered away as the figure slashed away at the metal, a loud hum ringing in your ears with every swing. The pounding continued for a few more seconds before coming to a stop. A quiet hum echoed through the cell and the blue glow disappeared, leaving behind a cloud of smoke. You blinked at the ground, spots of light lingering in your sights. You could feel the warmth radiating from the person in front of you even though he was all the way at the other end of the cell. He took a couple of steps forward and you winced in response.

This is it. You thought as you waited for him to strike, but he didn’t move. The air was still heavy with smoke from his rampage, and he just stood there looking in your direction. A gasp escaped your lips as your eyes managed to acclimate to the darkness again. The person standing in front of you, only a shadow of recognition in your mind. It wasn’t any one of your captors, but it couldn’t be the person you were thinking of. No, he’d have killed you by now.  Almost everything about him looked the same. The tall frame, the raven hair but it was longer now, and his chest heaving from using the light saber. It had to be him, because those brown eyes stared at you with the same love and adoration they had so long ago.    

He stepped out of the x wing to blinding sunlight. The last time he'd stepped foot on such an arid place the whole population had been devastated by his rage. He pushed the thought away from his mind and stepped forward into the unknown. It had only been a week since he’d returned to the light. His mother was his last saving grace from the dark side, and the girl Rey had sacrificed herself to end the Sith Lord that haunted his mind. Now with the voices in his head gone he  wanted to move on to a new start, but he couldn't. One last remnant of his past was haunting him now. He had to know she was okay. He knew she was alive, he’d felt it even before he entered the atmosphere. After word had gone that the first order had lost it’s supreme leader, the resistance quickly took over the galaxy, helping everyone rebuild stability into people's lives. That’s when he started looking for her. Finding her turned out to be a challenge. No one in the resistance had seen her for months, and the order had lost track of her shortly after. It wasn't until a small droid was scanned a few days ago that he’d finally gotten a lead. His heart ached as he searched the outer rim in search of her. He’d just about given  up when he sensed a single life form on one of the distant planets. As he searched throughout the endless caves of the panet, a distant sound alerted him of her presence. He could sense her, so close to him. He quickened his steps until he was completely speeding down the corridors of the prison. He ran past empty cells, the stench of death filling the air around him, his grandfather's saber in his hand. He ran and ran until he reached the end of the cave. He slid to a halt only a few paces from the door. His heart dropped at the sight in front of him. She was so beautiful, just as the day he’d last seen her.  It was behind his mask then, and she’d seen him with so much hate in her eyes. Now, she looked so scared, so fragile, and with defeat in her eyes. He could see her, she was sprawled against the wall, injured and cowering from the glow of the saber. Without a warning he began swinging at the bars, needing to destroy anything that kept him from reaching her. Once he finished, he made his way over to her slowly. When she winced, he stopped, frozen with fear.  That was, until he heard her voice again calling out to him. 

“Ben?”  You called out into the darkness. The figure took another step forward before crouching down next to you. “Ben is that you?” 

“Yes” His word was a  quiet, broken whisper in the dark. You reached your hand out to touch his cheek, certain that he’d vanish into thin air. He placed his hand over yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. Hot tears pooled and streamed down your eyes as emotion took you over. He’d come back to you, he’d come back to the light. His arms wrapped around you gently before his lips were on you. You threw your arms around him and welcomed them, pouring all the love you’d given up on for the past years. He pulled away moving his hands to your waist as he examined you. 

“Can you stand?” You nodded in response, but when you tried, your legs failed you. 

“Easy. I’ve got you” He quickly caught you in his arms and lifted you. “Let's get you home” You held on to him as he snaked through the tunnels not looking back at the horrible place.

Once you reached the surface, you closed your eyes, his hand was on your face, shielding you from the sun. Not long after he placed you inside the ship and you were off, traveling through the stars. His hand never left yours as he piloted you through the galaxy. Finally at rest, you allowed yourself to drift off into a peaceful slumber. Some time later you heard him calling to you.

“We’re here” he said. The quiet hum on the ship came to a stop and you looked around at the jungle around you. A pair of arms lifted you and you met them by wrapping your arms around him once more. As he walked you past several tent stations, you were met with hundreds of curious eyes. A few of them were familiar, comrades you’d thought were gone. Funny bastards, left you behind and never came back. You lifted you hand to flip them off as you passed them. A smug grin was plastered to your face once you met their reaction. You recognized the resistance base once you were met with General Organa herself. Her face was light up with a warm smile as she greeted you.

“Welcome back son. I knew you’d find her”  They exchanged a few words before he nodded and headed towards the medical tent. He placed you gently on a stretcher and the medical droids took over immediately. He sat beside you holding your hand, his eyes never leaving yours. There was so much you needed to tell him, how much you missed him, how proud you were that he’d overcome the darkness, but most of all he needed to know how much you still loved him. You smiled when you realized his facial expression mirrored your own. After all this time, you could still hear him without saying a word.

 Nightfall came around when the medical droids were done with you. You loved the damn things. You finally regained control of your body, your limbs cooperated as you moved them around. He reached for your hand. 

“Y/N '' he called out to you softly “you’ll stay in my quarters tonight” You nodded in response to his offer. Nothing in this galaxy could possibly keep you away from him now. You made your way back through the tents until you reached a large ship in the middle of the encampment. Once inside, he offered you food and you accepted it gratefully. It tasted heavenly in your mouth. You couldn't remember the last time you’d eaten a proper meal. The ship looked a little worn down, but it remained the same as it had before you were separated. He paced around, gathering different things and moving them to new places. 

“I’ve got some clothes here for you” he called out from another room as you ate. “I have a refresher with running water here if-” He stopped mid sentence when he saw you eating. His gaze softened as he took you in and the glow of ship’s lights illuminating your skin. You smiled at him, at the man standing in front of you. He was broken, but all here. You stood from your seat and walked over to him, taking the clothes from his hands. 

“Thank you” you whispered, your gazed timidly faced to the ground. He took your chin in his hand and lifted your face to meet him. “Y/N I-” You pressed a finger to his lips to stop him 

“There’s nothing to explain Ben. You're here, that's all that matters to me” you stood on your toes and pressed your lips to him softly. His arms wrapped around you, welcoming your kiss with more urgency now than before. You deepened the kiss, feeling electricity run through your body with every second that passed. After a moment he pulled away and took your hand in his. 

“Come. Let’s get you cleaned up” You followed him down the corridor until you reached the refresher. A large tub filled with water was waiting for you. He took the clothes from you and placed them on a counter next to the tub. 

“I’ll give you some privacy” he said before he turned to leave. You quickly reached for him, taking a hold of his arm. The last thing you wanted was to be parted from him, no matter how little that was. 

“Ben” you called out to him.

 Stay your words echoed in his mind. His gaze softened at your plea. Who knew how long you’d been held up in that prison, the thought angered him, but it quickly faded as you took his hand in yours. He reached for you and helped you remove your clothes, his hands lingering on your kin, brushing against the cuts you had sprinkled across your body. You did the same to him, taking in every bit of him as his clothing scattered to the floor. His body was covered in scars. Once he was done with your clothes, he picked you up and gently placed you inside the tub. The warmth of the water was soothing against your skin. He stepped in after you and pulled you close to him. You relaxed into his embrace and sighed with content as he began to pour water over your head. He lathered your body, gently massaging your scalp and pouring the warm water over you. His hands traveled all over you, as if trying to memorize every inch that he’d been parted from.

“I missed you” he whispered before kissing the soft skin behind your ear.

 “I missed you too” You smiled. He began to tail kisses down your neck until he reached your shoulder.  With one last kiss he rested his face in the crook of your neck. You missed his touch, the scent of him so close to you. Tears began pooling around your eyes as you felt him sob quietly behind you. The bruises that covered you back were now clear as day and the sight was too much for him. Guilt ate at him, he’d abandoned you for so long. You took his hand and kissed it tenderly. At least you were together again. 

You stayed like that, keeping comfort in each other until he decided you were clean enough.  He stepped out of the tub  to dry himself. You waited for him until he finished. With a new towel in hand, he wrapped it around your body, showering you with kisses again as he picked you up and took you towards the room. The second you relaxed into the mattress, his lips met yours again, this time, they weren’t about to part from you.

The night was filled with heated demonstrations of love towards each other. You both were starved of each other's touch, and you planned on making it up for it. Your bodies connected in ways you’d only dreamed of for a long, long time. Each one pouring all the love they could for the other.

 After what seemed like an instant, the rays of the sun peeked through the curtains of his viewport. The night traveled its course behind you without any of you realizing it. Your face broke into a smile as you reveled in the glow of your lovemaking. You were with him,with your body sprawled over his. His strong hands traced gently circles down your back. Ben. He was back, and he was yours completely. He smiled down at you just as content, having you there in his arms. There was a newfound hope in his eyes. Maybe he could start new again. Just maybe, there was a new life waiting for you both. 

——

Thanks for reading! :) Requests are always open

#Ben Solo #ben solo x reader #ben solo x y/n #ben solo imagine #ben solo x you #ben solo x female reader #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x y/n #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren x female reader

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

“I never left basic.”

This is what Ian tells Carl when he first comes home after months of mania-induced transience. It’s heartbreaking as well as something of a relief: while he isn’t feeling the impact of it yet, Ian has solidly given up on his dream, but at least he isn’t going to get shipped out and potentially killed. The problem is that he went AWOL in order to reach this point, which is obviously enough of an offense to warrant time in prison. That said, there is a point of order (a point of meta order, I daresay) that I haven’t seen addressed yet and would really like to discuss. 

Pointless, Ian-inspired rambling ahead. 

For an upcoming fic I plan to write (because for someone who loves Ian as much as I do, I haven’t written nearly enough from his perspective), I’ve been researching the army’s basic training to get a feel for what he would have experienced when he got there. He’s pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing, with the exception of one story to entertain his younger siblings over breakfast and half a story to explain why he didn’t actually steal a helicopter. (Not for lack of trying, though. Manic!Ian has some lofty goals: we haven’t seen him drive a car yet, but he’s going to try to pilot an aircraft. Points for effort.) We don’t really know how far along he got, but we can assume that it wasn’t very. There are three phases of basic training that last approximately ten weeks, according to their website. At the end of that time, if service is not for you, you can receive an administrative discharge. Well, Ian went AWOL instead of applying for a discharge, so he definitely didn’t mean “never left basic” as “never got past basic into advanced training.”

Now, here’s the thing that prompted this meta-rambling: completing basic training makes you “eligible to wear the Black Beret as a full Army Soldier,” according to the outline of basic training on their website. I understand that to mean that, like the Army Unit Patch provided at the end of the first phase of basic, you don’t actually receive the beret until graduation. 

The beret that Ian is wearing with the rest of his uniform at that soldier’s funeral in S5. 

So, somewhere along the line, Ian managed to get his hands on a beret that is only awarded to graduates who have made it through all three phases of basic training. How that happens is up for debate, though I certainly have a few ideas on that. (I won’t say what they are here, though, because...fic.) But...

I’m thinking about what that shows about Ian’s mental state by that point in S5. He’s already experienced his first manic episode, come crashing down into a depressive episode that lasted for at least a few weeks since Fiona and Lip said that medication would keep another from lasting as long, has been gradually ratcheting back up to hypomania since the start of the season, and is on the verge of mania considering the length of his symptoms and impending psychotic break. He is still working at the club, which has apparently become enough of a norm that Mickey arguably isn’t visiting there anymore. Otherwise, Ian’s life has come to a standstill. The excitement of S4 is over: he isn’t bouncing from place to place anymore, Fiona has mostly stabilized after her breakdown, Mickey came out, they’ve made some kind of peace with Svetlana, and they’ve settled into the beginnings of a life together. 

How dull must that seem when your brain is telling you that you need to go go gogogogogogogogogo?

Maybe that’s why Ian suddenly returns to emphasizing his former military dreams. In S4, he denounced them, saying that the military tried to control him but that he doesn’t have to do anything. Manic!Ian saw the military as attempting to impose a sort of order and stability on him that he simply can’t endure in his current state, as a fantastic meta I saw earlier today pointed out. After returning home and to some new semblance of normality, though, those days could take on a new light. They were exciting. They were new. They were freeing. His life isn’t like that now, and so why shouldn’t he don the black beret he managed to get his hands on and try to relive that feeling in the only way he can? There’s no harm in it, especially since no one was actively hunting him down at that point. If they were, he wouldn’t have been standing at that funeral with his name on his uniform. And hey, maybe he didn’t care. It would be risky and exciting to feel like a fugitive in plain sight, wouldn’t it? 

According to an article in the Harvard Mental Health Letter, “The diagnostic criteria for hypomania require at least three of the following symptoms for at least four days: inflated self-esteem or grandiosity; decreased need for sleep; increased talkativeness; racing thoughts or ideas; marked distractibility; agitation or increased activity; excessive participation in activities that are pleasurable but invite personal or fiscal harm (shopping sprees, sexual indiscretions, impulsive business investments, and the like). For mania, the symptoms are mostly the same, except they last at least one week, lead to hospitalization, or include psychotic symptoms (a break with reality).”

I’ve bolded the symptoms that we have definitely seen by the time Ian and Mickey attend the funeral in S5. Most of the others are more in-tune with Ian’s behavior while he was manic in S4 and, by all accounts, should have been hospitalized in order to receive a diagnosis and medication. 

Now, Ian could have exhibited these symptoms and gone to that funeral in just his uniform. It would have accomplished exactly what I mentioned above. He could even have gone in civilian attire after Mickey expressed his concerns that the MPs were still looking for him. He didn’t do that, though. Whether he snatched one on his way out the door of basic training or somewhere along the line in the months that followed, Ian didn’t want to just show up in uniform to show his respect for this soldier he didn’t know. He wanted to show up looking like somebody who had successfully completed his training--training that he scoffed at in S4. 

“Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity.” 

Tl;dr Ian wearing a hat for three minutes was enough to send me into a full analysis of his mental state and how it’s a very subtle indication of his symptoms before he more noticeably loses his shit with the protesters and the luggage. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

#shameless #ian gallagher #it's ian gallagher loving hours #as always #shameless us

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''better than me'' by hinder

[bearsinpotatosacks]

Cream and Two Sugars- A McChapel fic

~~

Sickbay was quiet, something he would never say aloud due to the infamous rule of "Never say it's quiet because it soon won't be". They'd done all the physicals, the check-ups and the shots, in fact, he was quite surprised at how quickly they could get work done with a day away from emergencies and a crew that would cooperate. 

Leonard was trying to get some work done, trying being the opulent word. Christine had just come back from the labs, where she'd been working on some project just to keep up her skills from the long lost days of her scientific career. 

Her hair was up today, he could see the lack of tension in her neck. She was behind him now and whistling a tune to herself as she wrote up her findings. 

He tried to look back at his PADD to read the report but the words muddled together into the same scribbled nonsense. She stood up behind him and grabbed his mug, her perfume swirled around his head. He gulped.

"Len," She was the only one allowed to call him that. "Coffee?"

"Yeah, but without all that cream and sugar shit you put in yours," 

"I have my tastes and you have yours,"

He scoffed, "Taste's one thing, masking that taste is another,"

The mugs clicked in her hand as she placed them under the duel-stream coffee maker inset into the wall. She started to hum just as she replied, "Just because you have to consume everything as bitter as your soul, doesn't mean I do,"

With that he shot up, discarding the stylus onto his desk as he rushed across the room to her side. He heard her breath catch in her throat as his warming cologne, her floral perfume and the steaming coffee scents all mixed. 

Christine had held his interest for a few months now and he had a sneaking suspicion that she did too. He knew there was a possibility she didn't, that her heart still belonged somewhat to Spock. But now the first officer was wholeheartedly in love with the Captain he thought he might have a chance.

"I think we both know my soul ain't as bitter as my coffee," He made sure his words stroked the exposed skin of her neck.

"I don't know, there's little evidence to say otherwise," 

He feigned shock, "Little evidence, have you ever seen me being kind to a child, or one o'those ensigns barely out of the Academy. I think you'll find that I am a very considerate and gentle person-"

She started to prepare her coffee when he turned her around to look deeply in her blue eyes. They gulped in unison and smiled. Both of them knew they were being silly, all these comments and the severe lack of personal space between them.

"Well, you could've had me fooled,"

She leant in and closed her arms around his chest, taking his scent in with deep breaths. He returned her embrace but held back slightly, wanting to nuzzle and kiss her neck, rub circles into her back and hold her tight enough to never let her go. 

"Come on Leonard, show me this gentle side of yourself you're so proud of," She said.

She pulled her head back and saw him pull away when she leant in to kiss him. That fiery thrill in her stomach dissipating immediately. Had she been wrong? Maybe she'd missed the signs or let her infatuation mask reality?

"Leonard, did I read this wrong?" 

He stood a few steps away when she reached for him. His own fire turned sour, almost purple as guilt became the fuel.

"No, I-"

"No? Then why are you pushing me away? We both want this, what's stopping us?"

He didn't reply. All she got was a look of despair, a sad longing in his eyes. She'd waited for Roger to show her she was truly worthy of devotion but he couldn't. His research was his devotion, never her. Spock had caught her eye and her will but he too had a reason, although a much more valid and understandable reason, not to return her feelings. She couldn't be rejected again, not after she'd been given a whiff of Leonard's splendorous love.

"Is it Starfleet? Because I don't care about them, I've always told you that. They may have trained me as a nurse but they can't control who I share my affections with," She still got no reply. "Perhaps because you're my boss? Well we both know that you've never treated me as your subordinate, everyone is in this sickbay is equally as needed and equally as busy, that's what you always say,"

He shook his head and clenched his hands. His body tensed, he was holding himself back. 

"Then what? I know the looks we've shared mean something, the jokes and he touches. So if you're not going to do something about it then I deserve to get a reason why!"

And with that, he exploded, "Because I'm ten years your senior! I've had time to live and screw up and train and have kids and be married and get divorced and chase the possibilities and you're just getting to the good part,"

"You're getting to the part where you might start experimenting with people differently, you know what you like but you want to know how you like it. You're right in the sweet spot of having all the opportunities to get promoted and train to get whatever role you choose. None of that should include settling with a crotchety old coot who doesn't know if he's gonna stay in Starfleet or go home or go somewhere else entirely." 

He stepped into her body again and took a moment to caress her face. She shuddered under his hand, letting herself relax and close his eyes, listen to the sounds of his voice. 

"I can't offer you stability, I can't offer you a willingness to go off gallivanting to who knows where. I've felt trapped in a relationship before and I don't want you to realise when you're my age that you wasted your time on a crush that got too deep when you could've been out realising who you are,"

She held onto his hand and moved it from her face. They looked away from themselves, distracting themselves withdrawing abstract shapes on the backs of their palms. A rushing blush flooded her cheeks, and his too when she checked.

Why couldn't he accept that she wanted him? Was he that lacking in self-confidence or had someone taught him wrongly over years of disagreements?

"How do you know what I'll want in ten years? And why do you get to say what I should do in my thirties," She knocked his forehead with hers and lowered her volume so only he could hear it. "I've done my experimenting, I've had my major bad relationship and my heartbreaking unrequited love. Can't we have this?"

Their hands broke apart as she ran her hands over his chest. He was lean, not too muscular and not too thin. His scrubs were smooth over her hands as she lifted their heads and prepared their lips to kiss.

"Why can't we have this? Who told us we couldn't?"

"No one,"

Their eyes locked and everything internally stopped, dropping to the floor as her head floated just within her grasp for her to pull herself back together so she could truly enjoy this. 

"Then why don't we give it a try, Len," They chuckled lowly at the nickname. "Why don't we try?"

She closed the gap and everything snapped back into place again. Her thoughts flew out of her head. His hands drew across her waist, running through the few loose hairs falling out of her bun and holding her still with a single grip.

They broke but dove back in. She'd never had something like this before. It wasn't passionate, she didn't have the urge to rip their clothes off and truly discover each other right there in the empty sickbay. Instead, it was home. It was warm blankets and old holofilms, family recipes and days spent in bed as snow fell outside.

He hummed as she pulled away to lay her head on his shoulder and lazily stroke the creases in his undershirt. They stood breathless for a moment before she whispered.

"How about we have a proper date?"

"Sounds like a good idea, how about twenty hundred hours in the mess hall on deck eight?"

"Deck eight? But no one goes there,"

He gave her that charming smile and her stomach swooped. "Exactly, no one goes there,"

They met in the middle again and fell into a routine. Her tongue flashed against his bottom lip just as he broke off and twisted his head to plunge in again. His hands grabbed a hunk of her dress in one hand as they bent slightly and bumped into the counter.

"Ehem, doctor,"

They turned with a gasp to see the Captain and the First Officer at the door to sickbay. Jim had that goofy smile on his face and Spock simply raised an eyebrow.

"I was going to say were you listening to Uhura's announcements, but you clearly were occupied," He made a signal for Bones to follow him. "We have a possible concussion on the bridge, come along,"

Leonard gave a wave to Christine and rubbed his face a few times in a failed attempt to hide the raging red flush on his face. She merely laughed and sipped her coffee as he left sickbay.

"Captain, did you get McCoy? Chekov says he's feeling drowsy," Uhura's voice said through Jim's communicator.

"Yes, we have him now, on our way up, Lieutenant,"

"Where was he Captain, I was beginning to think my transmissions weren't going through,"

"Oh not to worry, Lieutenant, Doctor McCoy was just having a meeting with his nurse," He said with a grin just as he collapsed to the floor after tripping over Leonard's outstretched foot.

"Oh sorry Captain, did I trip you up?" He said, changing his tone from joking to serious when he added. "And how about we start acting professionally, you know, how we're meant to?"

Spock gave one of his ghosts of a smile and stated simply, "That seems like far too great of a task for you Doctor, considering how you were just acting with Nurse Chapel,"

Leonard made a mental note to add more security on his office door just as he stepped onto the bridge and caught as woozy Chekov in his arms.

So, I wrote this in one night after having a day of major McChapel feels. Also, Christine is born in 2237 in TOS? I always thought she was closer to Bones' age but I guess not. I hope you enjoyed this, tell me if you did!

#leonard mccoy #bones #mcchapel #christine chapel #tos #leonard mccoy x christine chapel #bones x chapel #mccoy x chapel #the original series #tos star trek #star trek #star trek tos #star trek the original series #star trek original series #spock #jim kirk #nyota uhura #pavel chekov #spirk #k/s #bear writes #first kiss #kissing #fluff

[sincerelyreidburke]

ooh also 4 for Bri and Reid because I love them

Friends! Romans! Countrymen! ARE YOU READY for some good shit?!?! I say this because this is my very first time writing Reid/Bri! I mean, they’ve been in the background a few times in drama club stuff, but I’ve never actually gotten to focus on them. Toby enables me, because xe loves me.

“Who’s Bri?” Reid’s girlfriend!

In today’s episode of prompts, you will get a glimpse into Reid’s post-graduation life! If you want to read more about what’s in store for him after Kiersey, you can check out this post. And even this one, too, if you’d like.

Here, you’ll see a Reid two years removed from graduation and a little down on his luck. You also finally get to see inside his brain. *Slaps hood of Reid Burke* This bad boy can fit so much mental illness in him.

From this list of sappy prompts, which I am still accepting and filling as we speak!

4. “Shut up and kiss me.”

two years after (reid's) graduation | may

 Reid considers himself spectacularly efficient when it comes to fucking things up.

He knows this. Has always known it. He figures it’s a good thing to be self-aware, at least. He’s probably one of the more self-aware human beings to ever have a conscience, come to think of it, given the amount of time he spends policing his own every action. But still. There has to be some benefit in being so well aware of your own flaws that you can constantly predict your fuck-ups before they even happen. It’s like damage control when the damage hasn’t even set in.

Anyway. Reid knows he’s good at fucking up. But if there’s one thing he would really prefer not to fuck up, it’s Bri’s birthday.

Easier said than done.

When midnight strikes on the day she’s turning 24, he’s not even home, which is the first reason he feels guilty and useless. He’s at work, apron around his waist, tie done up too tight, sneaking glances at the clock across the room in between customers and refills. He wishes he had his phone on him, as the minute hand lines up with the second hand at the 12. He could at least text her. He could make up for the fact that he’s not there in person, to ring in the first moments of the day. But his phone is in the back, in his locker, because this is the best-paying place he works at, and he doesn’t want to risk his employment by getting caught with a phone by his manager. Or worse, a nosy customer, who will subsequently rat him out to his manager, and, well— yeah. Not to mention the fact that it’s usually so fast-paced in the bar that there’s no time to check your phone anyway.

The point is. He wishes he could text Bri. But he can’t. It’s probably for the best. She’s probably not even awake. It would actually be bad if she were awake. A healthy sleep schedule is something she deserves.

Actually, she deserves a lot. The entire world. A lot more than Reid has ever been able to give her, and there isn’t a day that goes by when his brain fails to remind him of that particular fuckup in his life thus far. But tonight, he shouldn’t think in huge terms. Tonight, he should just worry about her birthday.

Man, he wishes he were home in bed.

The strike of midnight, although it provides something to focus on, isn’t even the sign of his shift nearing an end, because the bar doesn’t close until 2:30, and the latter two and a half hours of work wind up passing by even more slowly than the beginning of his shift did. When he finally sees his last customer out, after last call, and he’s the only lonely, lingering person in the place— then, the end is in sight. He has closing chores ahead of him, but at least he doesn’t have to wait around to go home anymore.

It’s nothing that out of the ordinary, really, to be working this late. Between three jobs and sneaking in open mic nights between them any chance he can, he can’t remember the last time he had a night entirely off. Or a day, honestly, and tomorrow— or today, since it’s past midnight— isn’t any exception. He has the lunch shift at the street diner he works at, and the jury’s still out as to whether he’s going to bag his shift at the second bar he works at tomorrow night.

All of this is to say: he’s working a lot. Which is fine. Work means money, which means staying alive, especially with the New York cost of living he’s gotten used to since they moved here after graduation. It’s a necessary part of life. He just wishes life could stop, for one day, so he could do this right. So he could at least give her something, to make up for all the areas in life where he’s lacking. Where he’s an extremely underwhelming excuse for a future husband.

And, look— he did actually get her a present, so that’s not the issue here. It’s more the lack of time. It’s more the overwhelming sense that, despite her stability, despite the fact that she’s stuck with him for six years, he doesn’t deserve this patience, and that one day she might finally come to her senses and decide that she doesn’t feel like waiting around while he slums it in New York and tries to make it big, that she wants, like, a normal life, with a partner who makes a salary and a house or at least an apartment with more than one room and, like, basic predictability and success—

Ugh.

For now, for this very early morning, he won’t think about all of that, no matter how much it rings in his ears as he cleans up and closes the bar. For now, he just wants to make sure Bri has the most perfect morning possible. And to do that, he has a checklist.

Step one: finish work. He considers that done as he locks the front door of the bar, and steps out onto the street. It’s kind of breezy but not exactly cold out, since Bri’s birthday marks the last day of May, and summer is pretty much here. It’s not really busy outside on the street, but he’s not the only one out, either. Rule number one of New York City: you are literally never the only person out and about, no matter what time of day it is.

Step two: the bodega. It’s on his walk, open twenty-four hours, and he stops there so often at weird hours of the night after work shifts that he’s established a rapport with the cashier who works the red-eye shift. “Eyyyyyy,” he sings, as he swings through the door into the small, artificially lit space. “What’s up, Charlie? You working hard, or hardly working?”

Actually, it’s not so much a rapport. It’s more that he’s constantly the loudest customer who graces this place between the hours of midnight and four in the morning, and Charlie probably hates him, but still tolerates his presence. So.

He needs flour, half a dozen eggs, a tied-up bunch of yellow and white flowers, and rainbow sprinkles. He also slides three Red Bull onto Charlie’s till, and then grins across the counter to remark, “The necessities.”

Charlie grunts or maybe chuckles, and scans his stuff. “Right.”

Step three: get home and get to work.

It’s, like, six minutes on foot from work to the bodega, and then four more to the subway stop, and then the subway is a whole host of issues that land him back at the apartment building around 3:30 in the morning. Bri’s alarm goes off at 6:30 for work, and he figures he can intercept her for a proper birthday breakfast before she goes to the gallery. Given that he kills one of the Red Bull from the bodega while he’s in transit to get home, he is at least ninety percent confident that there’s no point in not pulling an all-nighter.

It’s fine. He’s not even tired. He has stuff to do, anyway.

The apartment is dark when he gets in, and he tries to make the smallest amount of noise, which, when you think about it, is kind of pointless because it’s only one room and any noise he makes could count as a disturbance, but— but— Bri isn’t a light enough sleeper to wake up at that kind of stuff. A fact he is grateful for. So he puts the bag of groceries down, gently, on the counter, and turns the light on over the sink while he loosens his tie. Or more like yanks it off. The uniform at that job is seriously not his style, but you take what you can get.

Across the room, where their bed is tucked up into the corner, Bri is asleep. Thank Christ. He would be concerned if she weren’t. While he gets out of his work clothes, he looks at her in bed— she’s peaceful, and looks comfortable, and he kind of wants for a second to just crawl into bed with her, but if he does that, he’ll never get anything done in time, and she’ll wake up to a normal old morning. With nothing special. On her birthday.

She doesn’t deserve that.

When he’s finished changing, it’s 3:41 Apple time. The morning is young. He sneaks a kiss to the top of her head and pulls the covers a little higher over her shoulders, then slides across the room in his socks, back to the kitchen side of the apartment.

Sure, he’s great at fuck-ups. But he’s not going to let this one be a bust.

*

It’s a quick three hours.

He blames executive dysfunction. Time passes too quickly when he’s on a crunch, literally every time. He starts with her card, which he bought a few days ago— writes it out, seals it into its envelope, and weighs it down with the corner of one of her vases, which he fills with water and puts the flowers in. It’s glass-blown, psychedelic colors; she made it in the glass studio junior year at Kiersey, and it followed them to New York.

With that done, he gets all his ingredients out for breakfast. He can’t start cooking at 4 in the morning, but he can get ready— a bowl out on the counter, their one good frying pan on the griddle, dry ingredients for pancakes measured out. He’s not the most versatile cook in the world, but he makes a mean Kraft Dinner, and this, too, he can do— birthday cake pancakes. With sprinkles. It’s Bri’s favorite breakfast.

He doesn’t know how it winds up being 6:30. He loses time, doing all of this and also nothing at all. He’s two and a half Red Bull deep, mixing up the actual pancake batter, when Bri’s alarm tone across the room pulls him out of his haze.

“Shit,” he hisses, and nearly knocks over his frying pan. It’s 6:30 already? The kitchen is a mess, and he’s been stuck in the distractible part of his brain for the better half of the past two hours, and now he looks like he’s made a huge mess, and—

The alarm stops going off, and he hears the mattress shift. He’s rinsing off the questionable spatula he’s been using to mix the batter in the sink when he hears her voice. “Babe?”

“Hey— hey, good morning.” He turns, and puts his back to the counter, like it’ll hide the actual disaster he’s created. “Happy birthday,” he adds. “Did you sleep okay?”

Bri is sitting up halfway in bed, and she doesn’t answer his question. “What are—” She yawns, and holds a hand to her mouth, which is really fucking cute, the way her eyes get all wrinkled up like this, and he just— loves her, and wishes he weren’t so useless, wishes he could give her the world. When she finishes her sentence, her voice is raspy. That’s cute, too. “What’re you doing over there?”

“I’m, uh.” And busted. He might as well own up to the mess. “Well, I realize now that it looks like a bomb went off in here, but don’t worry; I’ll fix it. I was just— well, breakfast. I’m making breakfast. But it’s not ready yet. It will be. Promise.” He lets all his breath out at once, then tries a grin. “But did you? Sleep okay?”

Again, she doesn’t answer the question. Instead, she swings her legs off the side of the bed, and gets up to walk across the room. He meets her halfway, as she’s combing back her hair, a blonde, wavy, bedhead-y and beautiful mess. She’s in pajama shorts and a tank top, and he may be sleep-deprived and totally useless, but he is the luckiest guy on this planet. “How long’ve you been up?” she asks.

He rests his hands, gently, on her waist, and looks down to meet her eyes, which are hazy with sleep but always so fucking pretty. “I… don’t know if you would love the answer to that question,” he replies, because she’d see right through him even if he wanted to lie about it.

She smiles, but it’s a sympathetic expression, like she can see the Red Bull coursing through his veins or some shit like that. “Answer anyway.”

“Um.” Okay, busted. For real this time. While she hooks her arms around his neck, he tries to gather an explanation. “Okay, so I may not have slept, but hear me out, okay? I wanted to make sure I had stuff in a row so that when you woke up, it’d all be good for you, since I know we kinda have, like, a limited window here, and I didn’t want you to just have to eat, like, peanut butter toast on your birthday, right? Like, that would suck, and also, I was already up because of work, and I had stuff to do anyway, so basically, I didn’t, uh, I didn’t sleep at all, but on the bright side, there is pancake batter ready for you, and I promise I’m gonna clean up all the cooking shit ASAP because I know it looks like a war zone in this kitchen right now—”

“Reid.”

He stops. Her voice is gentle, and she’s smiling— it’s not the pity smile anymore, but just a regular smile. She threads her fingers in the hair at the back of his neck. “Sorry,” he breathes, almost instinctively. “Sorry. That was so much. You just woke up. Hi. I love you. Happy birthday. You look really hot right now.”

Bri laughs, and leans up, on tiptoe, until her forehead is right on his. “Reid,” she repeats, even more gently, and he lets out all his breath again, closes his eyes. “Take a deep breath.”

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” He tries to do as she says. It’s really not hard to breathe; he just forgets that’s a necessary bodily task from time to time. No big whoop. “I promise I’ll clean it up. And I’ll make the pancakes, and— wait, shit!” The realization hits him all at once, and his stomach sinks. “Shit. Fuck. I don’t think we have whipped cream.”

“Whipped cream?” Bri asks, and she sort of laughs, like she’s confused, but this is very bad, because that’s a necessary part of any balanced pancake breakfast, right?

“Fuck,” he repeats, and then groans, bumping his forehead against hers lightly. “Fuck, babe; I’m so sorry. I knew I was forgetting something. I can go out, though. Maybe while you shower? I can get it on the corner—”

“Babe,” Bri says, and it occurs to him that he has once again forgotten to breathe. But when he meets her eyes again, she’s smiling, kind of laughing, and she shakes her head. “Shut up.”

“What?” He blinks. His glasses fog up a little, with how close their faces are, and he squints through them toward her. “I really will go out and get it. What are birthday pancakes without whipped—”

Bri slides her hands up to either side of his face, and she shakes her head again. “Just shut up and kiss me, okay?”

The pit leaves his stomach, and he stops in his tracks. “Oh,” he says, and then laughs, too. “Okay. I can do that.”

It’s a kiss that stops the racing in his brain, which it really always does; she just knows how to do that by existing. It becomes two, and then three, and when they pull apart, Reid can breathe normally again.

“You didn’t have to stay up all night because of me,” she tells him, voice still gentle, eyes still on him.

“I’m sorry,” he groans. “I didn’t really— I mean, I really didn’t want you to have a lame morning.”

“Well, that was very sweet of you,” she replies. Her eyes are catching the sunrise light that edges in through the window. He could get distracted by that. By her body. By every freckle on her face. He is, after all, easily distractible. “But,” Bri adds, “as long as my morning has you in it, I promise you, there’s nothing lame about it.”

He laughs, and kind of feels sheepish, like he might be blushing. “Okay.” He doesn’t deserve her, but he’ll take her at her word.

“C’mere.” She pulls him down for another kiss, and, yeah, this he can do. The apartment is way too small, and he is a human disaster, but she loves him anyway, for some reason he still can’t figure out, and he’ll never stop being grateful for that.

“Thank you,” she says, when they pause to breathe again. “I’m excited for pancakes.”

“I’ll make them good,” he assures her, and she laughs.

“I know you will,” she replies, and then smiles with half her mouth, so her one dimple shows, and that is fucking adorable. Holy Christ. He might be sleep-deprived, but if looks could kill… “But,” she adds, with that smirk still lingering, “not yet.”

“Not yet?” he echoes, and blames the sleep deprivation for how slow the realization is. “Right, yeah. Because you should shower, right? Get ready for work?”

“I think I have a distinct amount of time before I actually have to be ready for work,” she replies, and ohhhh. Oh. Okay.

This, too, he can do.

“I think I understand you,” he tries.

Bri winks. “You definitely understand me,” she says, and then grabs him by the hand and pulls him back toward their bed. “And plus, it’s my birthday.”

He almost makes a birthday suit joke, and then decides that puns are not an effective method of seduction today. Not that Bri really needs seducing. Right this second, anyway.

“I’m so honored,” he says, instead, and grins when she pushes him down to sit on the edge of the mattress. He holds her by the waist and waits, still smirking. “You mean to say you want me to be your present?”

“Something like that,” she replies, with a shrug, and then pushes him so he falls backwards, and he gets exactly three seconds to laugh at the ceiling before she’s kissing him and he gets to move on to something much, much better than rambling about his failures as a boyfriend in the middle of the kitchen.

Breakfast can wait.

#sappy prompts #breid #kiersey college #the insanely cool reid burke #ficlet #my writing #bri doesn't have a tag yet but #that's okay #mel writes