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worshipper-status · 2 months

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Literally so happy because my God is actually excepting of my obsession, but I’d kinda like to know how to worship him better less directly? (Ie. tips on digital alters/general worship tips?)

An excuse to ramble! Thank you :D

Worshipper's Guide to Indirect Worship

This is going to be my sfw guide for less direct methods of contact and digital altars, I may make an nsfw guide at some point on my own as a counterpart to this but for now...

(long post below)

Digital Shrines

Digital shrines are a good format for indirect worship, because you can curate it from anywhere, and no one will know. Technically I have two digital altars but one is more a back up of the other. One is I have a folder on my computer that contains all the media of the shrine, and the shrine itself is on my personal discord server. Usually I separate the shrine itself into media, devotionals, personal devotionals, writings, and links by using different discord channels. The channels breakdown like this for me:

Media: photos and videos of solely them

Devotionals: images I find on the internet that I feel embody our relationship, media created by someone else. Also picrews usually

Personal Devotionals: Visual media I have personally made to embody our relationship and can take full credit for creating. (This is a specific folder I made just to keep my art and others art separate)

Writings: Poems, songs, rambles, gushing, fantasies, etc. Any thought you have about them that's important enough to write down, put it here.

Links: I use this as a dumping ground for ideas I got from articles, purchases I want to make, or anything that requires a link to something else but directly relates to my worship of My Goddess.

Tumblr can also be a general dumping grounds kind of shrine, where I would not be too honest tbh, but it's a start. I prefer keeping my shrines private for the most part. My general advice is to stay away from tumblr for everything because you're not going to feel 1000% comfortable expressing your worship to its full extent because of the possibility of it being found by strangers. Also some things are just tmi to be honest. I have writings in my folder documenting times me and My Goddess have banged in detail so I don't forget. Tumblr doesn't need that kind of detail on here. So try and keep shrines at least somewhat private for your own sake. People are dicks.

As for advice for things to do to worship indirectly (and this goes hand in hand with the shrine a little bit) here's a list with general advice and ideas:

Scrapbook/Junk Journal about them (I'm biased this is a personal favorite of mine). Get a notebook, some scrapbook supplies, and either dedicate it to photos of your beloved or journal about any time you guys interact in ways that feel meaningful to you! I keep one physical scrapbook that I use for collages for My Goddess's photos, and am planning to start a junk journal for more writing purposes. I'll probably solely be using it to write about personal interactions with My Goddess, and on slower days, things I love about Her in general. It's both kinda a traditional journal and a part of my obsessive behaviors. You can also do stuff like this digitally with moodboard and collage makers like Canva which have free options.

Document about them. This is kinda vague so I'll explain. As part of my shrine, I have a document I'm building dedicated to bullet note points about My Goddess. If She randomly drops a fact on me about Her childhood, or Her interests. I write it down there so I don't forget. I want to be a good worshipper so I want to be an expert in everything about Her. I usually use a note taking app for this that I can organize into subgroups. Notion is a favorite of mine (despite them selling their soul to the AI overlords sigh) because it allows a lot of creative freedom in organizing the documents AND it's linked to my email so I can't lose it. Obviously, a google doc will accomplish the exact same thing, however my entire personality type is best described as extra, so I have to do things with extra effort at all times.

Write for them. This is where my pagan background kicks in a little bit, but in certain pagan traditions, especially stuff like Hellenic Polytheism, writing hymns or poems or songs for the gods was very important to their practices. So why not write those things for your God? It doesn't need to be shared, it can be bad, it can be whatever it wants to be. What I usually do, is I write poems for My Goddess, and keep them in my junk journal or digital shrine, depending on if I'm working physically or digitally, and if I'm feeling brave I'll share it with Her, but most times, they stay hidden in the depths of my shrine stuff.

Biggest overall piece of advice, create for them. Nothing shows devotion, quite like the personal experience of making something for someone else even if they never see it. Honor the Gods with the act of Creation, ya know?? It doesn't even have to require you to be good at drawing or whatever. Are you someone who gardens? Name a plant after them. Like makeup? Figure out what makeup styles they prefer on your chosen gender and wear those all the time, even if they're not there to see. Sewing? Make a stuffed animal of them. Speed runs? Dedicate every run to them, create a record for them. It can be as big or as mundane as you want and none of it has to be outwardly expressed to the other person. Just dedicate whatever hobby you have to them, and suddenly you'll have tons of shrine material.

Now for the quick part, of this!

General Worship Tips! (These are more indirect tho)

When getting dressed, pick outfits you know they'll appreciate. (Just please don't sacrifice your personal style for this)

Capitalize their name/title no matter what. They deserve the respect of one extra button push.

Write letters, even if you live close, even if you see them everyday, and even if you never send them. Use this as a format to express your emotions unbarred.

Save every photo they send you of themselves. If you need to edit people out of the photo do it, but you better be saving every instance of themselves they give you.

Fill your space with things that express yourself yes, but also have stuff that reminds you of them. Do they have a favorite animal? Buy those kinds of stuffed animals. They say they like certain types of aesthetics? Put some of that decor in your space.

I don't paint my nails, but if you do, paint them their favorite color.

Have dedicated jewelry pieces for them. While My Goddess did not give it to me, I have a memory of them associated with a bracelet I wear every single day. You can just buy a piece of jewelry and assign it as a symbol to them. They don't have to know.

Interact with their interests, with passion. Do your best to care about everything they care about. It'll give you guys tons of stuff to do, and help you understand them better.

Make pinterest boards dedicated to certain moments you want i.e. first date, wedding, future house/apartment dreams, pets you want with them, nursery room ideas, etc.

Make playlists dedicated to them.

Alright that's all I really have for right now! I hope some of this advice has been helpful and at the very least legible lol. I hope everything with you and your God goes well! If you want any more advice do not be afraid to ask me more questions :)

#worshipper's oath #worshipper's answers #irl yandere #male yandere #yandere #obsessive love #obsessive love disorder #bpd yandere #yandere boy #obsessive thoughts #yandere community #yancore #yanblr #yanderecore #yandereblr #yandere coping #yandere tips #yandere male #boy yandere

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kikicandoit · 9 days

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Hi! I'm Kiki!

Hello and welcome to my little corner of the Internet! ^-^

My name is Kiki, pronouns she/her, and I’m a writer and illustrator currently based in the United States. I usually write longform original fiction, though I’ve also dabbled in gaming journalism—you may have heard some of the scripts I’ve written for YouTube channels like Did You Know Gaming and TripleJump! I also write and illustrate comics in addition to character illustrations and commissioned works (commission info can be found here!).

As for media, I love movies, video games, and books! I usually prefer things within the “genre fiction” label: fantasy, sci-fi, horror, et cetera. I’m not usually great at keeping up with current things, but I always love discovering a new favorite among older titles. I like monster movies (especially black and white ones!) and curling up under a blanket with a good mystery novel. When it comes to games, I typically like RPGs, fighting games, and adventure games the most.

Before I go any further, here’s some ground rules for my blog:

Transphobia of any kind will not be tolerated.

I don’t post NSFW content on this blog.

Potentially triggering content will be tagged “tw [label].” If I post something without an appropriate warning, please reach out and let me know.

As you’ll soon find out, I’m someone who likes having my fingers in a lot of pies (even when I really shouldn’t @_@) so I’m often dabbling in little projects on the side, or experimenting with new creative mediums to tell stories in, or bingeing a new series.

Here's a breakdown of some things I commonly post about!

My WIPs:

#Corpse Worm: My first original webcomic, a horror-comedy action adventure about monsters engaging in shonen-style battles with unique powers; think Courage the Cowardly Dog meets One Piece. Current status: permanent hiatus, though I’m working on writing a synopsis of the unfinished story to give some closure. You can read it all here.

#The Witching Hours Are 9 to 5: My current webcomic, an urban fantasy buddy comedy about a brother-sister duo of paranormal investigators that combines action with chaotic sibling energy. I started it as a warm-up project, just making something for the sake of making it without stressing about the quality too much, so the art is a bit slapdash but I’m proud of it all the same. Current status: active, updated whenever I feel like it. You can read it on its own website here or on Webtoon here.

#Scarlet Canticle: My primary long-form writing project, a (planned) series of dark fantasy novellas with a gritty, pulpy style to them. I wanted to write something in the vein of Conan the Barbarian but with less…baggage. And more buff women. Current status: actively being worked on!

#Swole Hearts: A visual novel dating sim I'm currently developing in Ren'Py. It's a silly and lighthearted game where you can meet and date buff women. You can play the demo here.

#Ginormous: Another comic project that I’ve done some early work on but not yet committed to full-time. It’s a battle series about people who summon kaiju doing battle with other kaiju. It’s a project where I channel a lot of my love for monster movies. Current status: inactive, but you can read an “episode zero” on Webtoon here.

#Mascara: A comic project I hope to do someday. It’s an action drama about female pro wrestlers (in a setting where wrestling is a legitimate contest). Current status: not even started, I just love drawing the characters I have in mind for it.

#Lonesome Stars: A sci-fi writing project I dabble in on the side about a ragtag group of voyagers in a universe without planets. No real end goal in sight for this one, it’s just for funsies at the moment. Current status: worked on intermittently.

#Cloud Sea: A fantasy setting I created, originally for a book I wanted to write but now it bounces around from project to project—sometimes it’s a novel, sometimes it’s an RPG Maker game, sometimes it’s a homebrew tabletop system. It’s focused on swashbuckling fantasy in an early-industrial world of sky islands and dwindling magic. Current status: worked on when I feel like it.

#Heinous Highness: My first attempt at making a video game, a turn-based RPG where you play as an evil sorceress tired of having her plans for world domination thwarted. Current status: inactive, but I like the characters.

Fandom Tags:

Fandoms that I frequently like to post/reblog about include, but are not limited to:

#Godzilla: My favorite movie series of all time!!! This tag is mostly about Godzilla and related topics specifically, but I also use to include posts about other kaiju as well.

#Ace Attorney: Guilty as charged! I’m a big fan of the Phoenix Wright games!

#Wrestling: Yup, I’m also a filthy mark who loves to watch the graps. It’s still real to me, dammit!

#Jojo: I’m not a huge anime fan normally, but I do love Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.

#Darkstalkers: I love fighting games of all kinds, but Darkstalkers holds a special place in my heart. It’ll get a new installment…someday… ;-;

#Tales of Stuff: In addition to fighting games, I also love RPGs, and the Tales series is one of my favorite franchises! I talk about the entire series, but Tales of the Abyss is by far my favorite.

#Castlevania: Another one of my favorite video game series. I’m a fan of the whole kit and kaboodle, though I’ll generally talk about the games more than the animated series.

#Discworld: My favorite series of fantasy novels, and one that continues to inspire me as a writer. GNU Sir Terry.

Miscellaneous Tags:

#Kiki Can Do Art: The tag I put on all of my own original art.

#Kiki Can Do Writing: The tag I use when posting or discussing something I wrote.

#Kiki Can Do Comics: Likewise, I use this tag when posting about my own comics.

#Kiki Can Do Commissions: Usually seen in conjunction with “Kiki Can Do Art,” this tag goes on anything I was commissioned to make for a client.

#Kiki Can Do Journaling: For general bloggery and posting about my life.

#Friend Art: A tag used when reblogging art made by people who are close friends of mine. <3

#Friend Tags: A tag I use for posts that I was tagged in by a friend. It is always morally correct to tag me in things you think I’ll like.

#Fav: A tag I slap on any reblog of something that I find particularly funny or interesting.

Thanks for taking the time to check out my blog! I hope you like what you see!

#kiki can do journaling #blog intro

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cloverpicking · 1 year

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(using tumblr as like my online art journal these days since the only people that look at it are my pals lol)

the other day I saw a post on Instagram that said something along the lines of “what would happen between you and your art if there was no social media?” and it really got me thinking because as someone that was quite literally raised by the internet when it comes to art, a part of me has always believed that the end goal of posting art online is to gain recognition. that you gotta “crack the code” of whatever algorithm of whatever website you’re on to see if you can gain traction and develop a following. someone I know once described social media as a “dopamine slot machine” where you keep posting and interacting on the off chance that a post of yours blows up with engagement. MIND YOU, this is not me trying to get on a “social media bad” soapbox because I am clearly very online, but seeing that Instagram post knocked something loose in me that made me realize that I only ever post art to see if it’ll blow up with likes/retweets/etc and not necessarily for the sake of artistic expression. the drawing I did today was really refreshing to me because my goal was to capture a feeling, not to make a work of art that makes technical sense. I made a point to not make a color palette, not draw the same line a million times, not hide the sketch layer. I just wanted to play around with the features of the software and see if I could make what I was picturing in my head. (now that I think about it, this is a combination of breaking my art perceptions from both the internet AND art school) I didn’t think too hard about anatomy or composition, I just went for it. so anyway that was a lot of rambling but long story short I’m excited to make art for the sake of self expression as opposed to some sort of hypothetical fame I could achieve !

#but also this won’t stop me from refreshing my notifs constantly after I post anything LOL #I like to see comments from my pals :)

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spirituallyyellow · 2 years

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I deactivated Instagram today.

I opened it this morning and the first thing I saw was a series of pictures of my friends (though this word now seems a little more fragile than it did yesterday) out at the games bar that I love which is near my house, playing D&D, which I famously adore, without me.

You wouldn’t think that I’m in my thirties, given that my response was a genuine drop in my stomach and immediately fighting back tears. For fuck’s sake, I’m too old for this.

Upset, irritated at myself for being upset, frustrated that I’m irritated instead of just accepting that I have human emotions because I am a human, and also irrationally(?) furious at Facebook for inventing social media which has ultimately led to this, a thirtysomething year old woman crying because her friends had fun without her on a Saturday night, I deactivated Instagram.

It’s sort of a relief. My fucking mom follows me on Instagram, and I hate it. This is extremely Elder Millennial of me, but I miss when the internet was anonymous and the whole point was to chat with strangers and never reveal your real name.

I googled “how to deal with being left out” and “how to stop talking about your problems” and journalling came up as a suggestion for both, so here I am.

I have probably a hundred notebooks I could write in and keep ~private~ for all of my deep thoughts and feelings, but the number one thing I miss about livejournal is being able to have your feelings on stage, on display, but also completely untouchable. I don’t mind strangers knowing all of my thoughts and feelings, because it means very little to me when they leave. I hate my family knowing anything about me, and I’ve spent all my adult life trying - really trying - to build friendships of trust, the kinds of friendships you see in books, where you’re chosen family and you can rely on each other, all that. So far, I think I have been unsuccessful. I think why it hurts is because until this morning, I was starting to believe I had done it.

To be fair (even though I don’t want to be),

No. Actually, no. I get that I can be over dramatic and I probably am being right now, and I probably do talk about my problems too much, but you know what, seeing all those pictures fucking hurt. Even if I couldn’t have gone, I would have been so happy to just be invited.

One of my friends (I’ll call her Anne), once made a passing reference to all my friends, and I thought (but didn’t say), you are basically my only friend. This is, disappointingly, true. There are maybe two others, but the three of them are all friends with each other first. They are each other’s priorities. Unsettlingly, I think they really are chosen family. And I have not been chosen.

I don’t think I really have a good grasp on real life friendships. Initially people will praise me for my honesty, my vulnerability, all that stuff, but I think that’s ultimately what always drives people away. That which strengthens, also destroys. Or something.

Anyway, so Anne made this reference to all my friends, which I don’t have, and ever since, I’ve had this pit in my stomach. I really have no idea if people like me. My parents don’t, which I have furiously, reluctantly, with Great Depression and lingering anxiety, accepted. I didn’t capitalise “great depression” above, it was automatic. I’m leaving it though, because it appeals to my dramatic sensibilities.

I think I’m probably exhausting. Honesty and vulnerability is all well and good, but eventually I think I start to get treated like a time bomb.

Sometimes, I suspect that I use this “honesty and vulnerability” malarkey as a weapon to keep others away from me. I’m honest and vulnerable, but only to a point. That point is probably deeper than most people, but once that limit has been reached, I will lie through my teeth and protect myself with anything I can find, whether it’s withdrawal or attack.

I do actually have another friend, a friend from uni - let’s call him Phil, Phil is lovely but also basically an online friend these days. I haven’t seen him in real life since covid, though he only lives like 45 minutes away. Anyway, we were talking about supervisors and supervision (we both work in the social care sector) and he said his supervision is mainly focused on work and the process, whereas all my supervisors have focused on my personal life (even when I’m also in therapy). I said - and I really think this is true - “I think mine focus on my personal life because I’m really good at storytelling, my trauma has been objectively interesting, and I’m good at performing vulnerability without actually risking anything. And they naturally want to take care of me.” Phil smirked at me and I knew he agreed.

I make self-awareness my bitch, and then use it to destroy myself. Look at me go.

I feel lighter for having written this all out. I remember when I was in my teens and early twenties, I wrote in my livejournal every day. Multiple times a day, even. By the time Russia killed LJ, I had well over two thousand entries - I might have even been verging on three thousand. I had so fucking many thoughts and emotions and I had to write them all down or die. I do think I would have been more likely to kill myself in my teens if I hadn’t had livejournal and the friends I made there. I’m glad I’m not dead, but holy fuck, sometimes I can’t stand all the feelings I still have. I don’t think I actually have borderline personality disorder, but I wouldn’t blame somebody for thinking I do. I’ve worked so hard in the last seven or eight years to make myself stable and healthy, process my shit, and keep it all together, but it’s so easy to spiral internally. However, I don’t really spiral externally anymore. Which I guess is improvement. Deactivating Instagram and starting an anonymous tumblr journal feel a lot healthier than sending a passive aggressive text or self-harming or staying in bed all day.

I don’t know whether or not to mention all this to Anne and Izzy (also a fake name - anonymity bitches) and see if open communication between adults would help or not. In theory, it would. But theory is so different from the practice. If theory was it, a hundred percent, you’d never drive any different if a cop car was behind you. But you do.

This is the first time I’ve regretted deciding not to apply for that sure thing job opening up north. Would I ever love to be running away from these problems right now.

That is always my solution, and which is why my vulnerability is really just a front - when shit gets real and actually hurts, all I want to do is flee, just run and hide until everyone has forgotten about me. My ideal solution is to hide in a cave, cry alone, and watch everyone else move on and forget me but I see everything and I don’t forget. I don’t hold it against them (much anyway), but I don’t forget. I protect myself. I lie. And I don’t forget.

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mzkora · 6 months

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Hi!! Just I just finished my first full rewatch of SPN season 1 and I have thoughts. Mostly just observations, little things I noticed. I’m not a media studies analyst nor an industry professional, so my ideas and opinions are just that. OPINIONS. We can discuss and debate them, but my fellow koolaid-drinking fan-girlies let’s be real with each other. We’re all freaks for loving/obsessing over this show so no hate, please.

In the name of transparency yes I am a Wincestie. Wincest was my first ever ship. EVER. And while that will inevitably color my interpretation of things, it’s not my primary lense or point of interest for this rewatch. I just wanted to rewatch the show again and see how I felt about it. However, since Wincest is a part of my enjoyment of/experience with the show, I will be mentioning it and discussing it so NO HATE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Anyway, a little context before we begin my probably long winded and unnecessary/unrequested commentary. I am an OG fangirl. I started watching the show when it first aired. Then after season 5, I dropped off and took a /long/ hiatus. I caught up after the fact watching DVDs of the later seasons that my brother had, so I stayed mostly up to date for a while before truly falling off the bandwagon sometime around Season 8 or 9. As the show wrapped up I popped back into watching it for old times sake and to see how it would all finish. So I got season 15 directly from the source, the backstory leading up to that I got from my brother giving me the highlights and then me dipping my toes in the streaming of those later seasons. An episode here or there, only the most notable/highest rated ones of their respective seasons and honestly that’s how I typically “rewatch” shows. Just the hits, no filler.

This rewatch, the one I’m documenting here and now at the end of this the year of our lord 2023, is my first ever true rewatch of the show. Episode per episode, no skipping and no fast forwarding. Here’s my observations:

The rainy, grainy aesthetic. Yes. Everyone who talks about the early seasons mentions it, but the wet, grayed out atmosphere and editing of the show really do lend a realness and grittiness to the show that adds something to the overall basic-ness of the storytelling.

The episodes move fast! This is partly due to the editing of course, but the show really did have a momentum, a keep-things-moving attitude in season 1 that took me by surprise at first. I had forgotten how streamlined and lean the show was then, following that Monster of the Week formula so tightly.

Adding to my previous point, I had forgotten after all these years how little explicit worldbuilding there really was then. Things weren’t explained. There were no origins for the monsters other than it’s there and needs to be stopped from killing people. No overarching intricate lore to bind it all together which left a lot of room for us fangirls in those days to wonder and question and come up with our own theories. There wasn’t much exposition stuffed in to explain how and why. It was left to our collective imaginations. (Until of course it wasn’t, but that’s just the nature of the beast as a show goes on and things like continuity and lore start to matter more.)

To that end I had also forgotten how ignorant the boys were in the beginning. These babies knew nothing! They were going off half cocked on little more than whatever they could decipher from their father’s scrapyard style of collage journalism and random, unsubstantiated Internet forums/posts. Rumors, legends, folk tales, and hearsay. Thats it. They didn’t even know that “the THING that killed Mom” was a demon until the latter half of the season! I had totally forgotten just how innocent and naive and gung-ho these kiddies were.

As a Tumblrina I of course see the same gif sets and edits as the rest of us Wincesties. And while some of those looks and line readings have been taken out of context or at least shifted from the actual context of the specific scenes themselves…yeah these brothers do be /like that/. It’s all subtextual so far and the “normalcy” of their relationship at this point can be debated, but the seeds of the unhinged, deranged, codependent behavior are definitely there. Some of those looks you see in the gifs really are just these two brothers eye-fucking/pining/being deeply fond of each other. So, yeah, I see it. The shipping of them didn’t start for me until seasons later during the initial run of the show, but I can see the seeds being planted. The subtextual hand sowing the fields…

Most of the episodes hold up pretty well in my opinion. At least in terms of rewatchability. Insert requisite mention of “Bugs” here. Which I contend is actually an alright episode as far as these things go at least until that third act. Yeeesh. It strains credulity, which is an embarrassing thing considering the genre.

In general, YES, there is a lot of early 2000s cringe (and lack of diversity/marginalized representation) but overall it’s manageable for me. I grew up in that era and I’m white, so it’s not as hard on me as it is for some. There were more than a few dated references but that’s to be expected in a show that ran so long, so long ago. (We’re aging y’all! I don’t like it, and nobody wants to talk about it, but we’re all aging and it’s not going to stop anytime soon. I started this show as a literal teenager and now I’m in my 30s and I’m still talking about it. Big Yikes. Major cringe. But 🤷🏻‍♀️ oh well. I’m in it for the long haul I guess. I escaped for a while, the show not the fandom, and now I’m back in the show again. Back on my bullshit. Is anyone surprised?)

Shoutout to so many wonderful women characters that all deserved better/more: Loretta Devine/Missouri in “Home”, you should’ve been recurring (and not killed off in later seasons but that’s besides the point); Cassie from “Route 666” you basically got erased from canon, never to be mentioned again despite being Dean’s canonical first love, and ultimately you were supplanted by Lisa as Dean’s romance stand-in (you were cooler than a one-off and definitely didn’t deserve to be completely forgotten by the show itself); the two surviving vampires from “Dead Man’s Blood” y’all should’ve been brought back sooner, but hey at least one of you got to kill Dean in the end, so WHOO-HOO🎉🎉🎉! For how little screen time y’all all got you kept it real and made the show better. We didn’t deserve you. (In this same vein hey Sarah from “Provenance” I see you girl. You also shouldn’t have been fridged later on for the ManPain™️ of it all. But hey at least the show was consistent in its bullshit, right?)

Moving on, *insert obligatory comment on the use of actors from other supernatural shows here*. I see you actress that played Christie on Charmed in that last season. I see you Amy Acker and Darla from Angel. I see you Aunt Zelda from the original Sabrina show. It was great seeing y’all pop up. Familiar faces and all that…I look forward to seeing the rest of your compatriots later on.

Going back to worldbuilding for a bit, can I just say how much I enjoy it when the Random Person Who Knew John trope comes up? It tickles me. Like the airplane guy in “Phantom Traveler”. Dude really did just hang on to John’s phone number for however long and dial him up again when things got weird. I missed that aspect of the show in later seasons. The randomness of the people and the tangential connection to the brothers really played into the “there’s a hidden supernatural world within/beside our own” trope. And it helped make the show feel more true to its working class roots. Showing up to help random strangers because they knew your daddy/met him once made it feel like there was a community support network and the brothers were fulfilling a role/a service as part of that network of poor/disenfranchised/working class people rather than being big heroes on a journey.

In other news “Hell House” was a truly forgettable episode. I had no recollection of it whatsoever until those Ghostfacer guys popped up and then I was like oh yeah, they’re a thing. I never cared about them tbh. Their episodes and antics always annoyed me during the show’s run. Still true today. “Hell House” was a struggle to get through and I very nearly skipped it/fast forwarded through it, but I bravely carried on. (Aren’t you proud of me?) Something about the lack of history for the quote unquote “monster” of the week really didn’t work for me. I like there being some amount of history in the mix no matter how distorted or fabricated or mishandled it may be. Legacies are never clean cut or simple. And having a random entity somehow exist because people online believe in it? A little too modern horror for my tastes. I’m not a Black Mirror girlie. I’m a Gothic horror girl. And honestly I’m not much of a horror girl, so I guess I’m actually here purely for the Gothic-ness of it all.

Also along the lines of something being completely erased from my memory: Bobby had a dog?! Poor little guy had a literal nanosecond of screen time so it makes sense that such a small detail escaped me, but still…you were a good junkyard dog (Rutherford? Was that his name? It was something like that . Anyways, RIP big guy. We hardly knew ye…)

And can I just say? Bobby what the hell were you wearing in your debut episode?! A t-shirt and vest?! Cover those arms, baby! You look like a teen going fishing down at the crick (aka the creek for those unfamiliar with country phrasing.) Plus, I chuckled a little at the characterization of you in that first appearance. You were just some dude. A hunter yes but seemingly retired(?) or at least not the supposed always prepared/always knowledgeable badass you later would be retconned to be. At one point when Meg burst into your house, Sam got in front of you, shielding you like you were a civilian/damsel in distress rather than treating you like a tough, gruff, father figure worthy of respect and unquestionably capable of taking care of yourself. You hadn’t achieved John status yet I guess.

Which brings me to John. It really do be like that post that was floating around said: you weren’t missing, dude. You were just playing keep-away with your boys for like over half the season. Miscommunication trope, much? More like ZERO communication trope. You really just ditched your kids and left them to worry about you without so much as a heads up, huh? You don’t deserve the amount of hate you get as a character from some fans and yes you did love your boys, but goddamn are you a negligent, uncommunicative parent. I totally understand Sam’s frustration with you. I’d be annoyed too. If you gotta dip, you gotta dip, but at least have the decency to let your kids know.

As a final aside, “Dead Man’s Blood” is a sexy episode. It definitely had that dirty, trashy vampire vibe thing going on and /unsurprisingly/ that works for me. I too would want revenge if some guys in flannel killed my Luther. He was hot and loved his girl. You gotta love it. And just yo be clear yes you could attack me and tie me up and make me watch my boyfriend die then watch you have sex with your vampire wife and seduce me into drinking your blood and becoming one of you any day. That slutty, murder-y biker gang, white trash vamp aesthetic really does things to me. OMG! I’m ashamed, but unapologetic. The truth is the truth. RIP vamp Daddy Luther! You were a hottie.

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough. These were just my most salient thoughts after finishing the season a few hours ago. It wasn’t a binge watch because I have taken breaks between chunks of episodes, but I really didn’t have that much to add to the conversation that hasn’t already been said and discussed at length. I just wanted to get some thoughts down to mark the occasion. I very rarely do genuine, complete rewatches of my favorite shows. I usually just hopscotch around revisiting my faves, getting a taste of their respective seasons without taking in the full experience. I didn’t do that this time.

In general, I enjoyed myself. I can see why I watched the show as a teen (though I wouldn’t say I became a fangirl of it until later into that OG Kripke five season run). It had the supernatural elements that I loved and still do, alongside other shows I watched then (Buffy, Angel, Charmed) plus the eye candy of the two lead boys who were absolutely my type: big, and tall, and pretty, and total white trash. With those mop-headed bangs and dick-sucking lips. Pretty is pretty. And I’m a sucker for it, but at least I’m aware of my bias. It’s a little scary how forgiving I can be when I think a guy is hot.

Farewell fellow freaks! Until next time I guess.

Carry on.

#supernatural sunday #supernatural rewatch #supernatural season 1 #spn rewatch #spn season 1 #fangirl nonsense #long post #personal post

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1800-slayyyden · 1 year

Text

Growing Pains

There's a lot on my mind. I've never been prone to journalling, and all previous attempts to journal out my thoughts have been drowned in empty moleskines and an inability to commit to the process. I don't think I enjoy the sight of my own handwriting, nor do I enjoy my hand's inability to keep up with the rapid pace of my thoughts.

Typing, on the other hand, might be the key I was looking for. If this blog truly is meant to be a reflection of myself, a little nook on the internet that reflects the inner workings of my mind, it's only fitting that I inject some substance into it. After all, I'd hate for my only lasting legacy to be a shallow and carefully curated facade.

I titled this post Growing Pains, for lack of a better word. My world is rapidly shifting around me and at times I find it hard to keep up. Understanding myself and my mental health at this present moment is a challenge upon itself. Articulating the millions of emotions and opinions that race through my mind at any given second into a logical sentence even more so. Add peer pressure, social media and long-term planning into the mix and I'm left with a volatile cocktail that seems prone to futility.

I spend a lot of time lamenting on the past or pondering the future. It's hard to stay present in the moment, and even harder for me to slow down enough that I'm able to just enjoy things as they are. Well, unless I've been smoking heavily. Then the thoughts stop, but the depression swells and the cycle must repeat itself once more.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. Where I want to be, Who I want to be and what I want to leave behind when I'm gone. I've been thinking a lot about the influences that brought me to this point in life, the thing's that have shaped me and the trauma that changed me. In my desire to fit in, it's easy to lose myself. Some would call this degree of introspection narcissism and perhaps I'm inclined to agree with them. Then again, I've never been one to care about the labels others have prescribed to myself.

I want to be a force of GOOD in this world. I have been blessed with education and compassion, built on the backs of sacrifices of my family. I feel the pressure to do them proud. I feel even more pressure to make myself proud. My therapist would probably say that I'm caught in the lens of my own magnifying glass once again. I want to make the world a better place. I want to leave it in better shape then I arrived in it, and I want to make it a place where people don't have to suffer through what I have been through.

Simultaneously, somehow, I also want to enjoy the world for what it is. I want to experience life to it's fullest and there is no experience that I want to be deprived of. Sometimes I find it hard to make sense of how I can want both of these things, and how I can have both of these things.

Career wise, my heart tells me to go into politics. my brain, quite frankly agrees. It makes sense, I'm studying both law and social and political sciences.. It puts me in the position to improve the world on a wider scale. It gives me the power to fight for the vulnerable, for the marginalised, for the little guy. It gives me the opportunity to fight for the people like me, so that they don't have to go through the same struggles that I went through. It's the decision and the choice that makes sense.

And yet I hesitate. That level of scrutiny scares me. The thought of failure scares me. And don't even get me started on the odds of being able to financially support myself. What good is living a lavish life off a politician's salary if I'm unable to support the people who I'm trying to fight for.

Am I even ready to fight for someone else? There's still so much I don't know, so much I've yet to encounter and yet to understand. I'm only 21 for gods sake. And yet so many around me seem to have their entire lives figured out, or more likely are much more convincing at believing they do.

I haven't even found family yet. I don't believe myself to be a well-rounded enough individual to commit to a career, to commit to the career that I want. There's more learning to be done. There's more life to be lived. How can I fight for someone else when I'm losing my own battles against myself?

Maybe my desire to fight for others like me, others who have suffered at the hands of oppression and prejudice, is why the X-Men are my favourite superheroes haha. Maybe these are all questions for a more wiser, a more lived me.

Maybe for now there is some comfort to be found in fighting for myself, so that later I can fight for others. I wish to learn Spanish, and return to Spain and Portugal and New York, foster homes where I felt more alive than ever before. And I wish to learn how to play the guitar and learn how to dj so I can appreciate the music that is so dear to me as both artist and consumer, a dimension that I've never wholly touched.

Maybe for now, until I'm through with these growing pains and that stupid frontal lobe of mine has fully developed, the little things will be enough.

God I need to smoke hahaha.

#1800slayyyden-archive #growing pains

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thestarkerisobvious · 3 years

Text

Kidnapped

tw: kidnapping, off screen violence, mentions of self-harm

spoiler alert: Angst With A Happy Ending

Chapter 1: The Mona Lisa

Peter looked out through the heavy white curtains, over the walls of the courtyard to the street below. He had a very good view of the world from this window, and as long as he sat still, no one would see him. He didn’t want anyone to see him. If someone saw, he would be punished.

The thought of Tony punishing him gave him a shiver in the warm room. He

didn’t want Tony’s punishments. Tony’s punishments could be cruel.

But there wasn’t much to see of the world, good view or not, so Peter went back to pacing.

He had three rooms to pace through – four if you included the luxurious bathroom Tony had made for him. There was nothing else to do but pace. He thought about doing more pushups or chin-ups on the bar Tony had installed for him, but he had done all his reps for the day. It felt petty, pacing back and forth passed the large piles of video games stacked up next to the huge monitor or the massive stacks of books opposite them, but Peter didn’t feel like addressing either pile (although he might dust them again. His rooms were all immaculate. No mess here.) He groaned in frustration. It was the only sound in the silent room. He gave his gaming chair a petulant kick. He wanted his computer back.

He didn’t know why Tony had taken his computer. He hadn’t broken any rules or earned any punishment. Tony told him it wasn’t a punishment… but it certainly felt like one. He had been right in the middle of a project and he was dying to get back to it. He knew he should be grateful that Tony had piled his rooms full of the newest video games and every book he had ever asked for, but that’s not what he wanted.

Maybe he should take Tony’s advice and write it all down – he glanced over the lovely antique writing desk that Tony had bought him, filled with expensive kinds of notebooks and journals sitting next to expensive pens. That seemed ridiculous to Peter, the idea of expensive pens, but it seemed to mean something to Tony, so he tried to be appreciative.

But dammit, he didn’t write things down like that. Well, not those kinds of things. Not his grandiose plans, not his clever internet schemes. Those weren’t things you wrote, those were things you did. He had tried, for Tony’s sake, to do more writing, but usually it came to nothing. He didn’t even bother sitting down at the desk now. He went back to pacing.

But pacing was boring too. Maybe he would go back to sitting at his view-of-the-world window. It was deliberately kept dirty on the outside, so that no one looking at the grand house (if anyone would) would see Peter’s face through the grime, and the bars on the windows, and the curtains. Problem was, the street in this mansion-filled-neighborhood just wasn’t very interesting at all. Once again, Peter longed for his computer. Of all the luxurious things Tony had stocked his hidden rooms with, that was the one thing he couldn’t live without. He didn’t know why it was gone, and he didn’t know for how long. He sighed, then growled in frustration. At least Tony would be back soon. Tony would bring information – explain why he wasn’t being punished even though it felt like he was being punished.

As he walked passed his exercise bar and leapt up to grab it, doing a few more chin-ups before resuming his pacing. He glared at it as he walked away. It was good for exercise, but it wasn’t good enough. It was just too boring. He couldn’t say why. When he was living in Quentin Beck’s mansion he had exercise equipment and a swimming pool and a private basketball court. It had been ages since he had played basketball. He wondered if he’d still be any good at it.

He paced by the large mirror that stood behind the huge dresser. He stopped for a moment and regarded himself. He was wearing an old t-shirt and saggy sweats, like he always was. He never saw the point in getting dressed when he wasn’t allowed outside these 3 rooms (four rooms. 3 rooms and a bathroom. The bathroom counted as a room. It was huge – as big, if not bigger, than his childhood bedroom. He wanted to remember that.)

Seized by sudden inspiration, Peter peeled off the shirt.

Turning to put his back to the mirror, he turned around and tried to see himself from behind. It didn’t work too well, so he backed up until he was practically sitting on the dresser. Then he could see.

Then he could see the bruises.

Mostly bite-marks, although those were fading. Thought they were bright and angry red just a few days ago. There were finger-bruises around his waist, too. Those made his breath catch… made his eyes well up with tears. There were three straight lines still visible across his back, but he was expecting those. Problem was, the worst of the bruises were very difficult to see from this position. He needed a second mirror – one he could look into so he could see the mirror behind him. That was the only way to see the ones right on the back of his neck.

For a moment, he turned around and looked at his own face.

There were no bruises there, and there never would be. Tony said Peter’s face was like a work of art… like the Mona Lisa. Too precious, to beautiful to bruise.

Peter smiled ruefully. He was the Mona Lisa, if you thought about it. Beautiful, like a picture. Beautiful, and locked away. Locked up tight and safe where no one, no matter how clever or how powerful, could steal him. But unlike the Mona Lisa, he had been hidden away as well. Hidden away so carefully that no one, not even the man who loved him the most, had the slightest clue where he was.

His rueful smile didn’t look good on his face, so he struggled to hide it. His pretty face. The only argument he had ever had with his kidnapper – the only time he had ever spoken up or raised his voice to Tony Stark – was when they argued about his face. But Peter didn’t argue too long. If he argued too long then he might get into trouble. If he got into trouble, he might get punished. Tony might take away his computer, and he didn’t want that…

(Of course he had been good, he had been very good, and lost his computer anyway...)

Peter leaned in and looked at his face closely in the mirror. It wasn’t a very good mirror, that was for certain. It wasn’t very good because it wasn’t really standing on the huge dresser (half of which was full of Balmain jeans and Dolce trousers and socks that cost more than his first bicycle.) The mirror wasn’t in the room at all. It was inside the wall, on the other side of a glass pane. The glass was unbreakable. Peter knew. He had tried. At least, it wasn’t breakable by any object Peter could find in his three (four) rooms.

Peter frowned as he looked at his chin. Tomorrow, or maybe the next day, Tony would have to shave him again. Peter wasn’t allowed to have razors, for the same reason he wasn’t allowed to have things that could be broken and turned into sharp objects. He had no one to blame for that except himself – at least he hadn’t been punished for that little slipup, not really. His only punishment was the removal of the sharp things and the installation of the mirror.

He looked closely at his face, still frowning. He hoped Tony would have time to shave him, otherwise… Peter shuddered. As much as he hated looking at his “beautiful” face, he hated that pale show of stubble even more.

Sighing, Peter put his shirt back on. As he did, he noted the faintest hint of bruises on his wrists. Faint, and fading fast. Barely visible. In a day, maybe two, and they’d be gone completely.

Not that it mattered. Tony would be back, and soon.

Tony would put the bruises back. All of them.

Sighing, then groaning, in frustration, Peter started pacing again. The silence of the rooms was really getting to him. He went to the window, and then back through the three rooms to the writing desk. Sometimes including the bathroom in the circuit. Then back to the window again. He would drive himself crazy if he kept pacing – but sitting behind the curtain looking down at the boring world would just be worse. He began to wonder if he should try to take a long luxurious bubble-bath in the huge bathtub… Tony certainly seemed to think that was a thing that people liked… maybe he could even do that and read a book at the same time. That was a thing that people did. But by that logic he could just take a nap. Or maybe…

Walking back to the writing desk, Peter sat in the chair and reached for a pen. He had considered keeping a diary (or a journal – girls kept diaries, boy’s kept journals) about the life he was living here. Behind all the locked doors. In the hidden rooms on the third floor of Tony’s secret house. It wouldn’t exactly be a private account – Tony would read it for certain – but it might pass the time at least. Give him something to do. Give him a place to complain, without complaining, about how unfair it was for Tony to take away his computer when he hadn’t even broken any rules.

He was actually reaching for one of the unused leather journals when he heard something that made his heart skip a beat.

He could sound of the key in the lock, even from where he sat. It was because of the dead silence in the room – he could never abide to have music playing when he was alone, no matter how nice a stereo system Tony had bought him, no matter how much music he had provided. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t abide to take a bath or play a video game while he was alone. He needed the silence.

He needed the silence so he would know when someone was coming.

And someone was coming.

Tony was home early.

----------------------

chapter 2 coming tomorrow

ask to be tagged

warning: Not Really A Dead Dove (I try to do dark and always fail)

#Possessive!Tony #Starker #TheWitchwayWritesStuff #TheWitchway writes stuff #Peter Parker/Tony Stark

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t3tsubaby · 3 years

Note

Well idk if you're still bored in class (or not) then can I ask headcanon college au! (I'm not suprised if there are fangirls in college) of Oikawa meets a fem! S/O that is cold and emotionless? Oh and she could be also harsh if you meet her for the first time. Oikawa tries to flirt and charm her. And when he compliments her she just said "thanks" In a emotionless cold tone and walks away. How would he react that? But her true personality behind doors is unsure of her feelings and finds it difficult to deal with it.

I’m definitely totally not basing this off of my personality at all but this is such a good request tysm!! Also sorry this took so long I had some exams.

Oikawa meeting a cold fem! S/O

Genre: fluff? I think? very cute tho

Word Count: 1.1k

We all know Oikawa grew up with a “coldhearted” best friend Iwa who was and is the definition of tough love

By this, despite everything, Iwaizumi always cared for him, no matter how aggressive he seemed to be

Now despite all of what I just said, I think Oikawa would be kinda shocked that there’s a woman who isn’t charmed by him

There was that one instance that Kiyoko ignored him and he went in full denial mode, so I kinda feel like he would be like this but 10x worse

So you’re both in college and you’re looking to sign up for some clubs and you see that the volleyball team needs a manager

You thought it would be simple and you could not only make friends at your school but you could also make friends with people from other schools at games

You’ve always been called coldhearted and somewhat emotionless and you knew that university was the prime time to make lifelong friends

You considered it a win-win situation

That was of course until Oikawa popped up behind you, all bubbly and flirty(let’s pretend covid doesn’t exist)

He would lowkey kabedon you but just one arm at your side so it’s less creepy considering he’s literally a stranger at this point

“Ah what’re you looking at? Are you looking to be our manager? Now I can play volleyball and look at a pretty girl,” he said with a grin

You moved out of the kabedon and said a quick “Thanks” not smiling and walked away with the application sheet in your hand

Too stunned, Oikawa just stared at your shrinking figure walking away

Okay time skip to when you’re starting to be a manager and learning the ropes of the game

(For the story’s sake let’s pretend that all the Aoba Johsai boys are also on the same college team)

The team teaches you the basic rules, positions, and anything else you need to learn, you are taught by the coach or the internet

You have a journal and a section is dedicated to each player, which you’re able to easily analyze and figure out strengths and weaknesses

And the team absolutely adores you for this

They buy you snacks and do homework with you

And throughout all of this Oikawa’s flirting never stops

And you continue to give no response or a one-worded reply

Oikawa even goes to the lengths of asking his friends how to get you to talk to him

Iwaizumi tells him “Stop bothering her and focus on practice and not hurting your knee,” while dragging him back to the court

The rest of the team agrees and you continue on your managerial duties

You’ve already noticed his knee injury and make sure to keep an eye out for him secretly to make sure he isn’t overworking

Okay so now let’s fast forward to a game

The team is very protective of you because everyone tries to flirt with you because you’re that pretty

You all walk into the gym and are faced with the other team

The boys go ahead and start warmups and you’re approached by the captain of the other team, who just so happens to be your cousin!

You guys start talking and you’re laughing and enjoying speaking to him as the rest of the team stares in shock

Emphasis on kawa because his jaw is actually on the floor

He comes up and grabs your wrist and pulls you a foot away

“Nobody takes my y/n, go back onto your own turf,” and he sticks his tongue out

Before you get a chance to explain he pulls you to the bench where the coach is and sits you down

“Nice and safe now right y/n. I saved the day, for that, I deserve maybe a kiss on the cheek?” he asked with a subtle wink

“No. Go back to warm up, the team is waiting. If I see that your knee is hurting, I’ll bench you for the entire game,” you replied, not even batting an eye at his question.

“Can I get a kiss if I play the whole game without hurting my kn-”

“No. Goodbye,” you shooed him off.

During the game, Oikawa felt his knee feel weak as it pulsated and throbbed but decided to keep his mouth shut and make sure he didn’t show any pain on his face.

The game ended with you guys winning and you all decided to go celebrate with some shave ice

You thanked the other team and said goodbye to your cousin, expecting Oikawa to drag you away but to your surprise, he wasn’t there, nor was he even in the gym

You told the rest of the boys to wait outside and decided to look for Oikawa

After walking around for a bit you noticed a barely lit hallway and saw him curled up into a ball against the wall, crying with his head on his unhurt knee and the other one sticking out

With a closer look, you could see the redness and imagined how much he was hurting

You slowly sat down next to him and pulled out a rapid ice pack

After breaking it, you wrapped it in a towel so it wouldn’t be as cold and gently placed it on his knee

With the change in temperature, Oikawa lifted his head and noticed you tending to his injury

He didn’t say anything, feeling guilty

“Y/n, I’m sorry, I should’ve told y-”

“Shut up,”

You both stayed quiet until you put your hand in his to provide him some comfort

“Y/n seriously I’m so sor-,”

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up,” you cut him off again. Worried you were being too intense, you put your head on his shoulder.

He smiled and put his head on top of yours, but planted a kiss before doing so

“Does this mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend y/n,”

“Maybe if you ask properly,”

He started blushing and used his unoccupied hand to cover his face in embarrassment

“Y/n please be my girlfriend,”

“Okay whatever,” you replied, also feeling embarrassed but smiling

He smiled and leaned his head on yours again

“Thank you for caring for me, I hope to make you happy forever,”

You squeezed his hand, unsure of a reply but Oikawa knew you reciprocated the same feelings.

BONUS:

After 10 minutes of waiting around, Makki decided to go look for you and Oikawa because they were hungry and wanted to leave.

They stuck together and looked around until they saw you two sleeping and holding hands

Groaning, Matsukawa handed $10 to a grinning Iwaizumi who just said “Knew it.”

I hope you enjoyed it!! I may have gone a bit overboard but it was such a cute prompt I just kept on going on with it.

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sorryimanon · 4 years

Text

Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!Reader, Izuku Midoriya x NB!Reader

Warnings: some angst, FLUFF, and our boys being the best boys.

In which they comfort you after a rough day or week

A/N: im sorry if Izukus section is shorter than Bakugou’s. trying to practice writing other characters. enjoy!

Saturday's are reserved strictly by the majority of the girls from class 1-A, leaving the guys to hibernate inside their dorms as they allow the commencement of girls night. You've never rain checked nor rejected the idea of spending quality time with your friends, considering all the tribe's and trepidation's everyone has endured together during their time at the academy. It's nice to just strip away the stress and dip your toes in pure relaxation.

Unfortunately, you woke up with a bad case of cloudy thoughts. For the past week you've been carrying the weight of dread, causing your mood to drastically change throughout the day. You'd be having a civil conversation with someone one minute and then the next minute you're completely irritated by their presence. You've tried to balance it out and fix it overnight with the regimes you researched on the internet. A new sleeping schedule, healthier diet, yoga, and even went to the extreme of writing in a journal. It was all so cut throat and prestigious, nothing close to your liking. Katsuki made fun of you for it one day when he snuck into your room and read the many inscriptions in your journal entries.

"This stuff reminds of Deku. Always shoving his nose in that stupid notebook of his," he didn't care much to hear your refutes about Izuku. "Anyways, what's with all this depressing shit you are writing? You don't really feel this way do you?"

You didn't give him a definite answer that day. Only a curt "no" and he resumed rambling about his day like nothing happened, having you listening with his voice like white noise going in one ear and out the other.

And that's how it went on throughout the duration of the prior week before Saturday.

Inside the confinement of your dorm, you made the rational decision to sleep in instead of attending classes. The chilling thoughts kept you up all night, never once allowing sleep to take full throttle. You tossed and turned around on your bed, unable to shut off your brain. So when you woke up in the peak of late afternoon, you weren't surprised to see the unread messages on your phone. All of them were from your explosive boyfriend.

King Explosion🤍: Oi you running late? Mr.Sleepy head is taking roll call

King Explosion🤍: y/n where tf r u?

King Explosion🤍: fine don't answer me ig

King Explosion🤍: are you at least coming down for lunch? i made curry last night and imma make you finish it

King Explosion🤍: fking hurry before dunce face eats it

King Explosion🤍: nvm he ate it 😐

Katsuki never intended for the message to be funny. He's probably blowing actual steams of smoke through his nostrils and ears while chasing kamanari amongst the halls. The comical imagery made you laugh harder. At least he made you crack a smile. You haven't shown any emotions let alone a hint of enthusiasm for tonight.

Maybe it'd be best to sit this one out.

"Hey, we're missing a person! Where's my y/n?" Mina asked after scanning the group of girls huddled around on the carpeted floor.

Momo shifted uncomfortably on the cushioned pillow she stole from the couch. "Y/N said she wasn't feeling too well to join us for tonight. Something about food poisoning and throwing up every hour."

In unison all the girls gasped, along with a concerned 'ribbit' from Tsuyu.

"Well I hope she gets to feeling better. I wouldn't want her to endure such sickness for much longer," Tsuyu croaked out.

Everyone in the circle agreed and promised to pay a visit later in the night to check on you.

On the fourth floor, Katsuki stared blankly at his phone, hands shaking due to the repressed anger he's been holding. Each of the messages he sent previously were all left on read, including the one he sent an hour ago asking if he could have a cuddle session with you before girls night. Yes, even an ill tempered guy such as him enjoys sappy shit like cuddling. After pacing back and forth in his room for a solid 5 minutes, he was now dead set on confronting you in front of your friends.

Katsuki made a beeline for the elevator and aggressively pressed the 1st floor button repeatedly in hopes it'll make the process go quicker. He reached the commons area in precision time, overhearing the girls giggle after someone suggested playing truth or dare. He towered over Uraraka's figure, casting a demonic shadow version of himself in the circle. Hagakure shrieked and clung onto Jirou.

"Where's y/n you extras?" He demanded, voice deafening the brunette under him.

"She didn't come tonight. She's in her dorm room sick," Jirou explained to him as she tried pry the invisible girl off her arm.

"Like hell she's sick!" Katsuki spun around quickly and retreated back to the elevator, mumbling obscenities under his breath. "She's going to pay for being so careless and irresponsible."

The commons room fell silent once the explosive blonde disappeared behind the doors of the elevator, all eyes searching each other in complete shock. Uraraka was the first to speak out of the small group.

“Should we warn y/n that Bakugou is coming for her?”

Jirou averted her gaze to the direction bakugou left off from, a ghost of a smirk spreading on her face.

“Nah. Knowing y/n, she can handle the asshole on her own.”

King Explosion🤍: can i come over? i wanna cuddle, i miss u

The text message kept flashing behind your eyes every-time you closed them - a sad image of Katsuki waiting impatiently for you to reply back with a heart or one of those unusual memes he unapologetically adores. You knew he’d be furious, no doubt about it, but you rationalized your decision and concluded it would be best to avoid your boyfriend like the plague till this undesired feeling dissipates. Katsuki doesn’t do well with people being emotional, let alone handle his own emotions for god’s sake.

Your own thoughts were interrupted by someone raping the outside of your door. The continuous knocks made your head spin, a painful sting ghosting back and forth between your eyes. Remembering back to an hour ago, you messaged one of the girls that you weren’t going to make it to tonight’s session. Surely they respected your wishes and continued on with their hangout? But you forgot about the one person who’s persistent and stubborn like a cat.

“I know you’re in there y/n! You may have fooled your idiotic friends with a lie, but you keep on forgetting you’re terrible at lying!” Katsuki hollers against the wood of the door, not once being considerate of those living above her.

He’s right. You’re absolutely horrible at making up excuses for yourself. Dating someone as intuitive as him will be the death of you.

“If there’s something going can you at least let me in? You can’t ignore me forever y/n.”

Again, he’s right.

You slipped out from the comfort of your bed and padded towards the door, mentally preparing for the blonde to scold you once he enters your room. What you weren’t prepared for was the tears swelling up in the ducts of his vermillion eyes - his hands clenched tightly into fists as he looked down at you. Your breathing hitched when his arm outstretched to rest on the door frame to keep his trembling body steady.

“What the hell y/n? Why the fuck have you been ignoring me?! Did I do something wrong?!” He asked, not caring about his current appearance.

You grab ahold of his other arm and absentmindedly started rubbing it affectionately, trying to coax him into calming down. “Katsuki no! You didn’t do anything wrong! Why would you think that?”

“Because dumbass, you’ve been distant this past week,” he paused, choking on his words. “Are...are you breaking up with me?”

Your eyes shot up instantly at his horrifying assumption. “Katsuki, if I tell you the truth, will you promise not to make things worse for me?”

He tilted his head in confusion, but nodded once you led him into your messy bedroom. Once inside, your boyfriend plopped down on your bed, watching intently as you anxiously bit down on your nails - a nervous habit you picked up at the beginning of the school year.

“I’ve been feeling weird lately. Ever since the beginning of last week. I don’t know how to describe it but, my brain is constantly feeding into my already negative state. Telling me things I know aren’t true but I’ve convinced myself they are. Almost as if a grey cloud is hovering above me,” tears were already starting to pour down your cheeks. “I just...I just feel so miserable and lonely and useless and irritated and- I’m so sorry for ignoring you. You probably want nothing to do with me after this!”

You manage to turn away from the sight of the blonde during your speech, ashamed of pouring out your emotions onto a person who disregards other peoples emotions and constitutes them as a quote on quote “pussy”.

From behind, you can hear faint shuffling nearing your already shaken up figure. A pair of muscular arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a wall that could only be described as his own chiseled chest, doing the same as you did moments ago with his arm - lulling you to calm down a notch before he stared speaking.

“If you been feeling this way, why lie when I asked you a few days ago after reading your journal?”

“I know how you are, Katsuki. You get very uncomfortable when people talk about their feelings. So, why should I be any different?”

Your boyfriend suddenly maneuvers you around in the circle of his arms, shifting to where you’re now making direct eye contact with him. His gaze intense and unwavering.

“Because you’re my girlfriend? I don’t give a rats ass about any of these extras. When it comes to you, I’d make an exception for. I made that promise to myself when we first started seeing each other. So don’t think for a second that I’ll disregard your true feelings, dumbass.” He stepped a couple of inches backwards, ankles eventually hitting the bottom of your bed - making him fall and dragging you along with him. You landed on top of him, head still buried in the depths of his hard chest. The vibrations of his chuckle shook your whole body. Katsuki gently titled your head to be leveled with his, a red tint of blush painting his pallid cheeks.

“I’m being serious though. Don’t be afraid to come to me when things get tough, okay? I love you too much to see you like this.”

Next thing you knew your boyfriend stole your breath away by meshing his plump lips onto yours, hands snaking their way into your hair and carefully massaging it. By all means, you let him have his way with you by kissing the sadness away, tears puddling together cheek on cheek.

He let go eventually, pecking a quick chaste kiss on the side of your mouth before hauling you further into the bed. You settled on letting him spoon you, knowing how much he likes the feeling of your backside pressed against him, and the fruity aroma of your hair infiltrating his senses.

“I promise Katsuki,” you said after some time during the cuddle session.

He shifted in his spot, head placed firmly in the crook of your neck. “Promise what?”

“That I’ll come to you when these thoughts return again. I should trust you by now, and I need to not let these emotions ruin everything in my life. I love you that much.

Your confession swelled the very last evidence of Katsuki being a human being, his heart.

He smiled weakly to himself and nuzzled more into your shoulder, brushing his warm lips against the tender skin. “You better, dumbass.”

Today was just so exhausting, and the big fat 'D-‘ written in red ink on your final report was the icing on the cake. To make things even worse, Aizawa reminded the whole class before the exam that this was to determine wether or not if you'll be joining the training camp that'll commence the following winter break.

Hopefully this was one of your teacher's terrible deception tactics into making everyone do their absolute best, go plus ultra even. But to your dismay, he was indeed very serious of the matter this time.

It wasn't your fault, not entirely. You stayed up all night listening to another one of your boyfriends rambles, the conversation lasting till 2 am. Izuku grew worrisome and anxious ever since his encounter with a gruesome villain, thus resulting in him to pour his emotions out onto you. Poor baby kept mentioning the safety of All Might and you.

Solemnly, you left class and trailed back to your dorm room, wanting to ignore the jovial atmosphere inside the cramped room as everyone traded and talked about their scores.

Izuku noticed you leaving abruptly and got up from his desk to follow you behind, bidding a quick goodbye to his friends.

Your room was dark and dramatically colder than usual, a trickle of light threatening to pour in from the cascading sunset. You laid down on your stomach with one of your pillows propped on your head, in hopes to shield away anyone from seeing your ugly-crying face.

Too late because Izuku was already standing outside your dorm room, swaying back and forth on his feet while biting down harshly on his lip. He can hear your soft cries seeping through the door. He doesn't know why he's hesitating, he's your boyfriend after all.

Moments later you hear the acute sounds of someone knocking on your door, followed by the soft spoken voice of your green haired boyfriend.

"Baby? Can I come in? I-If that's okay with you I m-mean! It's alright if you need some space but you left class so early I figured something happened to you and I got really worried because you always wait for Iida and uraraka to walk us back to the dorms as a group and maybe it had something to do with what I was telling you last night-."

You crack the door just a smidge before fully opening it, revealing your bloodshot eyes and tear stained shirt to him. His breathing hitched once his eyes fixated on your disheveled state.

"Can you comfort me? I need you right now Izuku," your voice cracked a little, throat still tight after the crying session.

His strong, lean arms wrapped around your body momentarily, encasing you into a bear hug. Hugs from Izuku were amazing, no exceptions. He placed a quick peck on the crown of your forehead.

"C'mon, let's get inside and snuggle. How does that sound?" he asked as he unwrapped himself and took your trembling hand, leading you back inside the dimly lit room.

Izuku laid you gently down on your side once reaching the bed, crawling alongside with you before draping the covers over the both of you. His familiar hands snake around your waist and nudges you to roll over. You obliged and shifted your body to face his, sparkly green eyes staring straight at you.

"Tell me, what's wrong baby? Does it have to do with the recent exam?" his thumb started tracing delicate lines on your hips, your uniform long gone and now replaced with comfortable clothes instead.

"I failed Izuku...I did so terrible on the written exam. I kept falling in and out of sleep during the test that I didn't have time to finish the middle portion of it," you exhaled a shaky breath. "Who knows what'll happen on the practical. I'll probably fail that too...I'm such a failure compared to everyone."

Izuku grabbed the tender flesh of your cheeks and directed your vision to level with his. He looked angry and concerned.

"Don't say that y/n! You're not a failure! That exam doesn't determine wether or not if you're good enough to be a hero. I've seen you in action hun, and I know for a fact that you're possibly the most strongest person I've met in my lifetime! You're ambitious, smart, determined, and so freaking beautiful." He then kissed you tenderly on the lips, his eyes closing slightly due to the contact.

"So...freaking...beautiful." He whispers against your mouth.

His sentimental words were enough for you to push back the negativity and simply enjoy the intimate moment.

Izuku lifted his head away from your face to rest it against your temple. "You're going to do great things, okay? One failing grade isn't going to be the end of the world. Trust me sweetheart, I've had my fair share in failures during our time here in Yuuei. But look at me now, still standing."

You nuzzled more into his chest, tickling his chin with your hair. Faintly, you can hear the pitter patter of his heart beat bursting through his rib cage.

"Would you love me even if I was a horrendous looking-failure?" you were clearly teasing him, but sometimes Izuku became dense when it came to that.

"Y/n! W-Why would you ask that! Of course I would you dummy! I'd love you no matter what."

This time you return the favor and kiss him, knowing how to easily fluster him in seconds. He whimpers into your mouth at the sudden contact and cups your jawline affectionately.

The two of you stayed like that till the moon shone through the balcony curtains, illuminating your skin in a dusty glow.

Lips bruised and swollen red, you laid lifelessly in his arms, letting him wove his scarred fingers through your hair. Izuku would occasionally stop to peck your lips, then resumes his attention back to your hair.

"I'm sorry by the way. I shouldn't have kept you up last night before the exam. I'm such a horrible boyfriend..." he admitted suddenly.

"Yes. Yes you are."

He gasped and stopped his movements altogether, obviously taken aback by your blunt words.

You giggled and said, "Kidding. You're the best boyfriend. Apology accepted.”

After hearing that, Izuku shoved himself onto your chest and let out muffled cry. "D-Don't scare me like that. Almost made me have a heart a-attack!"

#mha imagines #mha x reader #bakugou headcanons #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugou x you #bakugou fluff #bakugou imagine #bnha izuku #midoriya izuku #izuku x you #izuku x reader #midoriya x y/n #midoriya x you #midoriya headcanons #deku x you #deku x reader

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outofsstyles · 4 years

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i wish u would write a fic where reader is also a famous singer whos label sets up a collab with the two of them and they meet and write a love song and its a HIT and they PERFORM IT and realize they be SMITTEN with each other and the internet totally knew before they did and this is weirdly specific but it popped in my mind and i love your writing !!! okay bye 😎

Okay i’m actually embarrassed of how long it took me to write this but writer’s block hit me like a bunch of bricks this past month, still i’m so sorry!! But anyway here’s around 2.6k of famous!reader for you anon!! Hope you enjoy it!!

Also this is not really proofread cause i wrote it all in one sitting after a boost of inspiration so uh chile anyway so...

One could think that you’d have grown past the nervous set of butterflies that come by before stepping out on stage. They wouldn’t be entirely wrong, you like to think. Sure, there’s still an anxious feeling that bubbles up in the pit of your stomach like the drops of air in a sealed bottle of rosé (much like the one sitting inside a bucket propped on the center table of your dressing room). It’s normal, you tell yourself, part of the process, even. The clammy palms of your hand and the rapid thumping of your heart will soon be replaced by the thrill of stepping in front of a crowd of people, eyes wide, and voices loud. All waiting for you.

When Harry invited you to join him tonight, just for a song, there wasn’t a single ounce in your mind that thought of declining it. After all, you had spent months traveling around with him as his opening act of the American leg on his first tour. It’s not even the first time you’d share the stage with him, having joined him on a live cover of Eternal Flame at the very last date of the tour. His fans are also familiar with you, most of them seem to like you, even (and you don’t bother searching for the ones who don’t, much preferring to preserve your peace of mind). So there’s really not a reason for you to feel as if you’re about to throw up, is there?

Except this time is much different than all the previous ones you had to do this. No one out there is expecting you to step on stage. Much less for a song you’d thought you’d never sing it live.

It started as a forgotten draft you found in one of your old journals, and sometime between Chicago and Vancouver, after long nights and shared bottles of wine together, it turned into a duet. There wasn’t any intention of recording it initially, being born in hushed drunken confession at wee hours in the morning, and shared stories of heartbreak and yearning, you figured it would just stay between the two of you. It was a vulnerable song, after all, one in which both of you poured your heartaches in.

But Harry loved the song. In fact, barely a month after the tour was wrapped up and everyone had tucked themselves back home to a well-deserved break, he invited you for dinner at his and, after one or two margaritas, you were standing on his home studio singing the words you’d written with him on quiet hotel rooms. And it didn’t take much convincing from his part for you to release it months later as part of your first studio album. Harry’s a charming man and he always finds a way to get what he wants. Not to mention the glimmer in his eyes and the set of dimples on his cheeks appearing as he heard the final cut were enough for you to convince you (not that you’d ever say this out loud).

So it’s not hard to understand why you agreed in a heartbeat to sing it with him on the opening night of his tour.

Your leg is bouncing in a nervous tick, and you have to stop yourself from chewing on your bottom lip as to avoid another scolding from Amie who’s just applied a thin layer of lipstick over it. There’s a bundle of voices sweeping around the room, all much familiar to you, as they’re all part of your team. But you can’t help but zone out, pushing the noise to the back of your brain and letting it become faint background noise as you take in a deep breath to ease yourself down.

The concert has started around an hour ago, meaning you have just a few minutes before you have to head to the side of the stage, waiting for Harry to announce your name. He made sure to stop by your dressing room after soundcheck was done, greeting everyone from your team (they’ve all grown fond of him after the last tour, but then again, it’s hard not to) before making his way to you, a grin taking over his face as he approached, arms opening and not wasting a second before pulling you into an embrace. You smile to yourself, recalling his words from earlier.

“How are we feeling?” He pulled away, holding on to your shoulders and you can’t help but focus on the way his thumbs caressed you over the thin fabric of your shirt.

“Uhm like I could pass out at any second, but other than that I’m fine.” You let out a dry laugh as an attempt to mask the truth of your sentence behind humor.

“Nothing to be nervous about, love.” His hands squeezed you gently before dropping down and you chewed on your bottom lip at the warmth left from his touch. “S’just you and me and the guitar.”

“And thirty thousand people.”

“You’ve played for bigger crowds.”

“I know, it’s just…” You sighed, gazing down at the champagne flute in your hands before shrugging. “Never sang something this personal, I guess.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” He moved a strand of your hair from your face, taking a small step forward as his voice droped down slightly so you’re the only one hearing his words. “Know you’ll be brilliant, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“What if I cry?”

“Nothing wrong in crying, love.” He said in a beat, shaking his head softly. “I’ve shed a fair amount of tears on stage as well, just shows how much it means to you.”

Relaxing your shoulders you didn’t even realize were so tense, you exhaled. “You’re right.”

“I am.” He humored, dimples poking at his cheeks as he bumped his shoulder against yours. His expression softened, “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, okay?” He said truthfully, eyes flickering between yours to show you he meant it. “I don’t want you to do something you’re not comfortable with just for my sake.”

“Thanks, H.” You smiles. “But I’m fine, really, just nervous.”

His lips parted to answer you, but before he can do so someone shouted from the doorway, “H, you gotta go to hair and makeup.”

“I’ll be right there.” He called over his shoulder, then turned his attention back to you. “I’ll see you on stage?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Hey,” he says as he started walking backward. “Just you and me alright?”

“Right.” You giggled watching him throw you a wink before turning around and stepping out of the room.

Downing the last bit of champagne on your glass, you rest it on the counter next to you before stepping up from your seat completely. A few pairs of eyes settle on you from the sudden movement, but they quickly turn back to their previous conversations as you don’t meet their gaze, only making your way o the full body mirror that makes the door leading to the bathroom.

Your glittery eyelids call your attention first as you examine yourself, making you blink a few times just to see them shimmer. They match the two-piece that hugs your body in a lavender tone, the same one of the boost you slipped in just a couple minutes ago. You move your hips around softly, watching the way the skirt dances around your thighs and smoothing your hands on it to feel the soft fabric under your fingertips. You have time to adjust the top one last time before someone from production calls your name at the doorway, indicating it’s time to head out.

The whole way goes in a bit of a blur, you adjust your earpiece and try to smile at words of encouragement that are thrown your way as you walk towards the side of the stage where you’re supposed to make your entrance. Your heart thumps in your chest, almost loud enough to swallow the screams of the crowd that gets louder every step you take. Harry comes into view, along with the whole arena as you pass through a double door. His back is turned to you when you come to a stop but you can make out the guitar in his hands, his voice blending with the echo of thousands of others, screaming back at him the words he wrote. It’s Fine Line, one of your favorites from his sophomore album, and you can’t help but mouth along to it as the bridge comes up.

It helps to calm you a bit, the melody along with his voice setting the atmosphere of the whole place to a joyous state. It was clear at the glossy eyes you can catch in the crowd looking back at him, cheering as the song comes to an end, and Harry bows in gratitude and you watch as he steps back in front of the mic stand but doesn’t say anything. For a moment he just stays like that, you can’t catch his face from this angle, but you gaze up at the big screen and, just like you predicted, you can see the admiration on his expression as he takes in the crowd in front of him. You wish you could know his thoughts, but the smile that takes over his lips gives you everything you need to know, and you can’t help but let one tug on your face as well.

Before you know it, he leans into the microphone again, the screams quieting down as he starts speaking again. “I don’t think I’ll ever find enough words to thank you for your support, and sharing such special moments like this with me,” he begins, one hand moving to his chest as he pauses when the crowd roars again. “I love you all very much, and I thought maybe I could bring someone here that also holds a special place in my heart.”

You can feel every cell in your body freeze once you realize he’s talking about you, and it’s only when he turns around, eyes finding yours as he motions for you to walk in that you start moving. Keeping your gaze trained on his, you approach him, the hollering sound becoming almost faint in your ears as you focus solely on Harry. He pushes his guitar to the side so he can give you a quick hug before turning back to his mic.

“So, this lovely lady and I happen to have a song together.”

Your eyes scan the crowd for a moment, catching the awe in people’s faces before finding him again. Bringing your own mic to your lips you speak up, “We do, actually.”

“And we never sang it live before, is that right?”

“You’d be correct, yes.”

“How do we feel about singing it tonight for the first time?” He asks more to the audience than to you, wanting to get a reaction, and as if on cue their screams take over the space at the mention of the song.

“I think they like the idea.” You smile, letting your eyes wander around the arena. Thanks to the bright spotlight set on you, you can’t make out most of their faces, but each one of them still makes themselves present, being with their flashlights turned on or their voices joining in with the others. A familiar electric spark shoots down your spine, the buzz making you forget all the previous nerves that were taking over your mind.

The sound of the strokes on the guitar strings bring your attention back to Harry, and when you look back at him, he’s already watching you, a smirk threatening to poke at his lips as he nods at you. It’s a silent gesture of reassurance, and you’re thankful for it, smiling back at him.

Once the intro is over he steps towards the stand again, his lips brushing the mic but his eyes still glued on you. It’s hard not to feel the chills rise on your skin at the sound of his voice. You’re close enough that if you focus, you can hear him under the reverberance of the loudspeakers. The realization makes your hand come up almost instinctively, removing one earplug so you can listen to him better. He smiles midword at you once he realizes what you’ve done, his eyes closing for a moment as he feels every word that comes out of his mouth.

Joining him for the chorus, you realize how astute he was when suggesting doing an acoustic version. The sound of your voices together slowed down by just the guitar background sounds even more intimate. It’s gentler. Softer. And you can’t help the step that you take towards him, feeling an urge to get closer.

You don’t dare to break eye contact going into your solo, he moves back from his mic just a bit, giving you your moment and nodding along to the words. Unlike you had thought before, you don’t feel a knot forming on your throat or burning in your chest as you proclaim words of an old broken heart. Harry’s face is enough to keep you at ease, his irises seeming so green under the stage light that you can’t help the stuttering of your heart.

He melts his voice on yours again, bringing you back to all the sleepless nights you spent together, singing the same words to one another.

You’ve heard people say about being with someone that makes you feel like you’re the only people in a room, and it’s always made you roll your eyes at the cliche aspect of it. But standing here with Harry, on stage, eyes set on each other as you sing the words straight from your heart, you start to understand where those people were coming from. There are thousands of other eyes set on you, but his are the only ones calling your attention. Everything else seeming unimportant as you find yourself stuck in a trance with him.

The last chorus rolls around and you only register him moving once he’s right in front of you. His guitar is the only barrier between your bodies as he leans into your microphone, and you move it down so it stands under both your lips. He’s close enough that you can feel the warmth of his breath on your cupid bow. You could touch him with the smallest of movements, and you want nothing more than to rest your forehead on his and meet his mouth with yours. But you hold back, closing your eyes as you’re afraid of what the effect of his own can do to you, letting the last words come out in a breath.

The roaring crowd reminds you of the people watching you, and almost as if you’re broken out of a spell, you take a small step back, turning to the audience to give them a wave. You feel Harry’s arm wrapping around your shoulder and pulling you against him. His lips press a single kiss on your hair as you thank everyone with a smile, still taken back by what just happened.

Turning to Harry, you give him one last hug, this time lingering for a beat too long, enjoying the feeling of his arms pressing you closer to him. He pulls away first, announcing your name again, and you spare him another look before waving your way out, with shaky legs and a speeding heart.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #concept #anon

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syubub · 3 years

Text

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

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Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

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