#brokenhome

[shameful-self]

I always love writing, it gave something, but I stopped because nothing had sense anymore. I've been quiet, I've lived in constant fear of my head, constant fear of my anger, fear to finally accept what happened to me. I lived with a monster, a monster that gave me life, that I call mother. Always afraid to come home I was out, getting wasted, getting high because it was the only way to deal with myself. The only way others could really see me, numbed by alcohol and drugs.

Now, now I'm 23 and i breath and wonder everyday why I should accept what I lived, I want to be angry, to scream and cry but I can't. And this doesn't have sense, it really doesn't have sense but I think that it just demonstrate that even from blood we can grow, even from broken we can still be something, something that doesn't make sense but still something beautiful.

We should be angry, fuck healing, fuck understanding, I was a kid I didn't deserve any of it and still it happened, and I shouldn't feel like I need to forgive, I need to heal, I don't need that I need justice and I will have it screaming and kicking.

Fuck healing, stay angry from now on.

Own your anger, own yourself like a fucking lion going out hunting.

#dark academia #sad aesthetic #sad thoughts #angry poetry #healing #this is depressing #growth #brokenheart #brokenhome

[manusiagila]

"Saya sedang sedih, Ma. Bisa mama peluk saya sebentar?"

Berpikir untuk bilang begitu ke mama gw aja rasanya sudah sulit, apalagi ngomongnya. Gw punya ibu, ada tapi tiada.

.

.

.

.

#you broke my heart #brokenhome #luka

[nmolesofadrenaline]

#abuse survivor #toxic family #toxic mom #toxic parents #dysfunctional family #emotional abuse #love love love #brokenhome #brokenfamily #mom #actually ptsd #ptsd

[edlweiss]

dunia terlalu kejam, sayang. tapi mau pulang, belum dibolehin.

#brokenhome #dunia #sesak #galaubrutal #writers on tumblr #sajak patah #poetry #bersajak

[apoetlikeme]

there is a house with walls and beds. There's no family living in it, tho. Yes, there is a mother and a daughter, a father and a daughter, a husband and a wife, but there is no family.

-stone cold tiles

#poetry #poem of the day #family #brokenhome #life #poem

[somethingschangeeee]

"Uno no sabe lo que tiene hasta que lo pierde", una frase que nunca creí realmente, pues siempre pense que apreciaba todo lo que tenía en el momento en el que lo tenía, pero me doy cuenta que no era así, vivía acostumbrada a una realidad, una realidad que di por sentado, que nunca senti como un privilegio, que siempre pense era lo normal, lo de siempre. Creo que nunca aprecie realmente esas noches de peliculas, esos almuerzos de dia domingo, las veces que nos sentabamos a escuchar musica, o nuestros paseos en auto. Nunca lo aprecie, porque a pesar de todo, nunca pense que lo iba a perder. Pero aqui estoy, sentada en un hogar roto, donde las peleas son parte de mi día diario, donde mi sueño dejo de ser tener dinero o salir del colegio, si no que se convirtio en irme de la casa lo más lejos posible y nunca volver, donde ya no puedo ir al living a verte ver futbol o escucharte llamarme a probar lo que cocinas, pues siempre necesitabas mi visto bueno, si no que tengo que escribirte por mensaje esperando que me contestes de buen humor.

#what if i told you #cosas que escribo #pensamientos #brokenhome #hogar

[buahlara]

Trauma

Ini bukan sekedar sakit, bukan sekedar goresan luka fisik

Luka ini tak terlihat, tersimpan dalam diam, tertutupi oleh tawa

Ini bukan perihal kecewa saja, namun juga menyangkut mental

Aku tak berharap kembali bahagia seperti sedia kala, karna aku tau itu hanya akan mendatangkan kecewa selanjutnya

#brokenhome #broken #divorce

[relungteduh]

When grow up in Broken Family

When.. Grow up from broken family..

and then.. When you to be adult, you hope can have someone love you more than you hope..

Because.. everything about the past, you hope can be erased with love in the future..

#brokenhome #love

[guttedempath]

#poem #didstudio #ai art #brokenhome #dark academia #dark aesthetic #dark art #dark poetry

[swastanirmala]

Yang ku ingat tentang diriku adalah Alam yang mengajariku untuk hidup.

Mulai dari Sekolah Dasar Negeri: kehidupan lancar dengan hanya memiliki satu dan dua orang teman, berlanjut sampai dipenghujung transisi antara anak anak menuju dewasa, Aku lupa umur berapa itu? yang ku ingat hanyalah kls 5 SD tepat dimna semuanya terasa begitu tak beraturan.

Otak menerima rasa sakit lalu mengaplikasikan di seluruh tubuh, hati yang hancur namun seluruh tubuh ikut merasakannya knpa demikian?, semua terekam jelas jeritan ibu yang menahan amarah pria itu, tangan yang tega melayang dengan keras manampar pipinya, tepat di depan mataku.

Ntah aku yang salah untuk terlahir Atau inilah hidup? , pikiran ini sungguh mengganggu hari demi hari di proses pendewasaan ku, ibu dagang kangkung, jagung, bala bala di pagi hari semata hanya untuk melihat anaknya makan dan sekolah, terimakasih bu, Ibu hebat.

Dalam proses ini aku masi saja tidak mengerti knpa pria itu tak pernah pulang ke rumah, mungkin ini adalah awal segala bentuk ke keritisanku mulai muncul, aku mencari tau knpa denganku? Knpa dengan keluarga ku? Mungkin teman teman yang pernah merasakan apa yang aku ceritakan mengalami apa yang aku rasakan ini.

Pada akhirnya aku dipaksa untuk menerima dan berusaha untuk memahami mereka, sialan mana ada anak yang harus mengerti orang tua!! Pikirku saat itu. Rasa tidak percaya diri, rasa tidak mau sekolah, rasa ingin mengakhiri hidup, rasa cemburu terutama untuk kalian yang pergi ke mesjid di tuntun oleh ayah kalian, Kalian pemenangnya!!.

Namun ini lah hidup, Tuhan tak pernah memberikanmu sesuatu yang tak pernah engkau snggup untk menjalaninya, walaupun tak mudah walaupun tak sebentar akhirnya tepat pada saat aku menginjak bangku Mualimien semua itu mulai bisa ku kendalikan, hati mulai bisa berdamai dengan keadaan dan tidak lagi ku menyalahkan siapapun.

Untuk Aku Ghifari Syahdan inilah jalanmu, inilah takdirMu, tak usah kau pertanyakan knpa kau harus terlebih dahulu melewati jalan ini, kau hebat tak apa orang menaggapmu tertinggal jangan kau selalu salahkan dirimu, jangan juga kau salahkan orang lain.

#brokenhome #takdir #family

[deaddadpoet]

Chasing through hollow passageways.

Our secrets and jokes are but a whisper of a memory that floats these halls.

As I run my hand up the dusty railing of the stairway,

Our childhood ghosts fly past,

Giggling, hushing, screaming, crying.

This house, although burnt, holds our lifetime of love and hate, fear and joy. Every step back in, brings back reminders of the moments we shared, that made us who we are now.

The both terrifying yet powerful environment that fell upon us and gave each of us different versions of the same story.

- I wonder if in another lifetime we had to live that same storyline

#childhood #inner child #environment #ghost #poetry #jokes #memory #broken hearted #burneddownhouse #secretsunveiled #screaming #crying #love #hate #brokenhome

[flowerstokiev]

I'm taking back my old username. I hate that I felt the need to change it from "flowerstokiev" bc I didn't want anyone to think I was making a statement. I came up with that name bc I myself am Ukrainian. The flowers were my sadness with everything. I wanted to go to uni in Sevastopol. The invasion happened on my last fucking year of secondary school, as I was filling out applications. How bright my thoughts were back then, how hopeful I was for the future. I'm in a different country now, an entire ocean away. Why do I still care? That was almost 10 years ago, what will any of this accomplish? I still feel so lost, like there's no direction to go in for me. My mental health is too fucked for me to do normal person jobs so I'm not even sure what career I want to do, that I can stand for a few decades even. But I gotta be honest, I really don't know if I'm even going to make it another decade. I've put sooo many miles on this body and I'm still self destructive as ever. I know I've made progress but I also feel like I haven't gone anywhere. I feel like I'm mentally stuck in 2014 and the world just gets darker and more grey as time passes by like a flower wilts and dies.

I don't even know if fixing my relationship with food is worth it at this point. I'm broken as fuck with my safe foods having a 400% price increase since 2yrs ago. I'm trying to self harm through food sometimes by like dumping hot sauce on it and forcing myself to eat it. I can't eat after I make it, it has to sit for like 15 minutes or whatever number my head feels like today. I can't even let myself enjoy the stuff that takes up like 25% of my income. Like fuck, something like 65% is taken up with rent, bills, and taking care of 3 cats that have all been dumped on me and/or decided I'm their mom now. I'm too soft to kick them out even though I'm allergic and guess who can't afford allergy meds anymore. Yee fucking ha. To top it all off, I don't have any blood relatives left. Last of my line at a whole 26 years old, what a time to be alive.

#ftk #depressing shit #travma #self destruction #s3lfharmm #su1c1d4l #fuck everything #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #fuck war #heartbreak #brokenhome

[the-wandering-daughter]

Dinner at Lisa’s

Tonight, I sat across the table from Kirsten. She was the Wi-Fi password. I wonder if their other daughter feels any type of way from not being the Wi-Fi password. I know I would, but I have had my feelings hurt by my parents my whole life so it wouldn’t be any surprise. My brother would definitely be the Wi-Fi password. 

Maxton, Kirsten’s husband, rocked their baby Oliver almost the entire time I was there. Maxton seems like such an amazing father. I watched Lisa, Kirsten’s mom, jump up when Kirsten asked if there was a load in the wash, as Oliver had just thrown up on their bed. Lisa ran upstairs and pulled the clothes out of the dryer into the hamper, hung the comforter over the banister still wet, and threw their bedding in the wash immediately. 

That was me. I was Lisa, I am the good mom. Maxton, well that was Leighton. I sat there and I realized how disassociated I was from this evening. 

Tonight, as a woman, a mother, and an adult who forms their own opinion, I re-met my Great Uncle Henry. I say re-met because I literally struggle so fucking much with dissociative amnesia. 

I always thought my Grandpa Samaniego and his siblings had this trauma-filled childhood and were too old-fashioned and simple to seek any sort of therapy and used that as a hall pass for his shitty upbringing of his children. I imagined they were all so distant like us. 

Tonight, I was proven so fucking wrong. 

Great Uncle Henry breeds Goldendoodles with his wife. He has raised a completely stable, healthy, and capable human being and daughter in Lisa. Lisa is happily married and has a big family of 4 kids. Lisa and her husband still have some kids living at home. Lisa’s kids laughed about how they still call their dad for help with English homework.

Tonight, I got to see a happy and healthy Samaniego family and it broke a piece of me. It tore me because how the actual fuck did my grandfather let this slip away from him? How can you look at this beautiful family and not want exactly what the fuck they have?

I cherish the small steps I take as a mother to get to where we need to go, to raise a solid human being. I really do. But seeing Lisa jump to help, seeing her full home, seeing her in the kitchen, I can’t wait for that.  I can’t wait to be the good mom. 

Being a single mom, bad cop, it’s tiring. I find peace knowing I will get to enjoy Leighton as a young adult. I know I am raising a good human. I am grateful, but tonight, it also feels so heavy.

#trama #brokenhome #familytrauma #healing #raisingmyself #thewanderingdaughter

[skydinzeal]

Family curses can be real, if studying it this way helps 🌟A parent is supposed to spare their children from the abuse they might, for God knows why, feel compelled to enact. My mother tortured me and my sis to feed off us. The only child who has a life that isn't broken into hundreds of pieces is the one who was given up for adoption. 🔭🌠💜👽✨🔭🌠💜👽✨ 🌟While I appreciate my mother truly, she viciously, randomly and regularly beat my sister and I. 🔭🌠💜👽✨🔭🌠💜👽✨ I am still trying to rebuild all my jewelry & art that was stolen when I was assaulted & robbed. I am looking for a quality SPIRITUAL STORE or ART GALLERY to TRULY help with sales/marketing their work & mine! I am a rare, tireless entertainer, salesperson and psychic. I have huge internet reach and can work day and night continuously! I don't even need to eat. I have got by on hard work & skill alone, not cheating & it shows! If you would like to make a connection happen contact me. If it works out I will pay you! 🌟 🔭🌠💜👽✨🔭🌠💜👽✨ I hand-make talisman's, paintings/sculptures for you or your loved ones!🌷All of my creations are made of 100s of ancient, powerful symbols! I've tested and taught Spiritual practices via my classes at NYCs Edgar Cayce Center for 10 years. I am likely LIVE right now on http://www.skydin.com & will sense and gift you what you need! 💜💜💜💜💜 . . . . . #childabuse #stopchildabuse #brokenhome #childabuseawareness #abuse #savethechildren . #spiritual #healingtechniques #clairvoyance #angelicsymbols #psychic #archangelmichael #ancientEgypt #enoch #sorcery #Atlantis #kabbalah #numerology #saintgermain #occult #angeljewelry #alchemy #energy #pharoah #spiritualjewelry #archangels #sealofsolomon #metatron #stmichael #pyramid https://www.instagram.com/p/Cp27lzwuB1q/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#childabuse #stopchildabuse #brokenhome #childabuseawareness #abuse #savethechildren #spiritual #healingtechniques #clairvoyance #angelicsymbols #psychic #archangelmichael #ancientegypt #enoch #sorcery #atlantis #kabbalah #numerology #saintgermain #occult #angeljewelry #alchemy #energy #pharoah #spiritualjewelry #archangels #sealofsolomon #metatron #stmichael #pyramid

[gozaimachi]

family, a functional role in society

i feel like -- as i'm getting older -- family is just a social role functional people who just happened to run the same blood in their veins from a mother. after my mom left this world, that feeling is getting real. i thought that feeling lonely like i don't have emotional attachment toward my family members --except my mom-- because we live separated was just in my head; now it's the reality. even when i'm close with them they feel like strangers who share the same tradition and written in the same paper administration.

i just want to live abroad, away, as far as i can be from them because when i screamed for help when i was a kid, none of them came but strangers who pitying me for surviving alone.

not to mention who gave me the most traumatic event when i was barely differentiate what's wrong and what's right happened under the roof by the culprit so called family.

#family #brokenhome #家族 #sadness #loneliness #abuse #family abuse #writings

[bumxxbee]

Broken Home.

Where do I go? When you are home. How do I live? If you are home. To live without you, to live alone is not impossible, but don’t you see? I chose to stand with you. I was strong, and I was able.

Oh, how I could have done it so, but I saw something in you to have wanted you. Hoped I did not make a mistake. Prayed it will last until the end. We could have conquered the world, but look at you.. conquering it alone.

How do I find my way back? How do I take it all back?

You have tore in walls, all the hidden places that I never knew was there. If only I could ask you to put it all back. If only I knew how to build it all back. The time that was spent building it could not compare to the time it took to break it.

How lucky — how blessed were you to be the only one who could do such a thing. But alas, it was only but a mere thing to you.. 

I’m so tired of it all; to wake up and see you not there, to fall asleep and know that you don’t care. To walk on this Earth in despair, but with you in joy.

Tell me how you did it. Tell me how easy it all was for you. Tell me where do I go from here? Where do I go now when you have left me with nothing, but memories?

#brokenhome #broken #sadcore #sadthoughts #sadgirl #sadaesthetic #despression #love #beesdiary #diaryentry #anxiety #emotionalabuse