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tired-teacher-blog · 5 months

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Characters : Tattoo artist Aizawa/ Florist fem reader

Featuring : Eri/ Hizashi Yamada/ Nemuri Kayama/ Oboro Shirakumo/ Emi Fukukado

Warnings and Genre : Fluff/ Romance/ Smut and Angst in future chapters/ Multi Chaptered Story

Summary : In a desperate attempt to get closer to the tattoo artist dominating every speck of your brain, you decide to pay him a visit one evening as a client seeking his service. This encounter will prove to be the beginning of something much bigger between you two, but will this new found passion be enough to stand against the difficulties your future holds?

Notes : Loosely inspired by this/ Art below is by the wonderful @/ael-draw who gifted me this gorgeous piece.

Masterlist|Second Masterlist|Third Masterlist

Chapter Count : Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 • Part 6 • Part 7 • Part 8 • Part 9 • Part 10 • Part 11

_ "Nothing looks good damnit!" you whine frustratedly at your reflection in the mirror after trying out the nth outfit and hating everything that has touched your skin.

It's Saturday, the day you and Aizawa agreed upon for your dinner date, but the butterflies in your stomach are clouding your judgement and making you doubt yourself.

You look up the wall clock hanging opposite of your bed and bite down on your lip as you only have twenty minutes left until he's on your doorstep, definitely not enough time for you to dress up, fix your hair and makeup but you have to hurry, and you have to look beautiful, for him..

You glance at yourself one last time before taking a deep breath while many questions race through your mind, will he like this dress on you? Should you have kept it a bit more casual instead? Are you wearing too much makeup? Or maybe too little of it?

You jump up suddenly as the piercing sound of the doorbell reaches you, it must be him..

_ "Good evening, Mr Aizawa," it is him, in all his glory, clad in a pair of expensive looking black pants that hugged his slender legs marvelously, and an elegant white dress shirt with the top two buttons undone, giving you a glimpse of his lean chest. He looks breathtaking, "I hope it wasn't too hard finding my apartment."

_ "It wasn't, you described it perfectly," he replies with a smile before adding, "you look beautiful."

_ "Thank you, that's so sweet of you," you look down at your feet, striving to conceal the deep blush warming up your cheeks, "and you look.. really handsome."

_ "Thanks," he chuckles softly while extending his hand to you, "shall we go?"

You did not expect yourself to be comfortable enough while sharing your life stories with someone you wished to impress, but something about him is making you put your guard down and speak freely even about the silliest and most embarrassing of tidbits.

He is charming, gentle, and an amazing listener, and between the delicious food in front of you and his pleasant company, you're feeling like you've known him for years, and you wish the night would never end.

You're learning a lot about him already, things you have never known before, or expected, things which are making you feel much closer to him.

Your eyes are fixed on the alluring man before you, listening to him eagerly while he tells you about once being a high school teacher for a few years along with his profession of a tattooist and owner of the studio facing your shop.

You now also know that Mr Yamada, Mr Shirakumo and Ms Kayama are his best friends since high school, they've been working with him since day one and made it easier for him to juggle two jobs.

_ "I never expected you to have had such an ordinary job before, and with kids no less!" you're trying your best to control your excitement at this new discovery, "somehow, this makes you sound even cooler than I thought."

He clears his throat and looks away from your blinding smile with evident bashfulness in his demeanor, "it does? Well, thanks."

He's cute, extremely so, and you've never thought the day would come when you would be describing him as such, but here you are, and it's making you fall for him harder each second that passes.

_ "Was there a reason why you had to quit your teaching job? I mean, I can imagine how tiresome it must've been for you to work day and night."

_ "You're right, but that's not the reason why I left school, it was because.." he smiles again, a bit differently than before, as if recalling a sweet memory, "I haven't told you this yet, but I have a daughter from a previous relationship, her name is Eri and she's seven.

A daughter? He's a father? You would have never expected this, it's even more surprising than learning about him being a teacher in the past, but it's adding to his charm and making you eager to know more.

He takes a sip of his drink before carrying on, "I didn't even know I had her until a few years ago, her mom kept the whole thing from me."

_ "Eri.. that's a cute name," you giggle softly while imagining him with his little girl, he is full of surprises, "was it serious between you and your ex?"

_ "It wasn't, we were young and stupid, and broke up after a few weeks of dating, and I didn't see her after that until she knocked on my door one day with Eri in her arms, she told me she was getting married and that I had to take care of our daughter because her to be husband didn't want kids."

_ "It must've been a lot to take huh? Was this the reason why you quit school?" you've been too invested in his story that you failed to notice your face inching closer to his.

_ "I was given a chance to make up for all the time I couldn't be there for her, so I had to make a choice, I owed her at least that much." he traces a finger along the back of your hand, and you almost shiver at the electrifying sensation of his touch.

_ "Is she home now? Who's keeping her company?"

_ "Her babysitter is, a wonderful woman with years of experience and kids of her own who are in their twenties now, so she knows exactly how to take care of Eri when I'm not home or working."

_ "you're an amazing person Mr Aizawa, and Eri will grow up to be a wonderful woman because she has a father like you." the warmth spreading throughout your veins is reaching your fingertips, this man sitting across from you is beautiful, inside and out, he is simply perfect.

_ "You're the one who's amazing," he finally holds your hand in his, squeezing it lightly for emphasis, "you know, I've never really cared about having a partner, and none of my previous encounters were serious because I was afraid of somehow hurting Eri or making her feel neglected, so I was fine just being a father, and promised myself that I will only expose her to people I can trust," he brings your hand to his lips, planting a soft peck there, and lingering for a moment, before meeting your eyes again, "and then you moved in across from me, and I haven't been able to take you out of my mind since."

You bite down on your lip to keep from squealing, as the feeling of his words and his kiss is driving you insane.

His words take you back to that day, when you opened the doors of your shop for the first time ever, almost seven months ago, you were both excited and anxious at the same time, you have put every last penny you owned into it and you were determined to succeed.

It was then when you met this handsome man, the one who has since made your days more exciting as you counted the seconds each day until seeing him for those mere moments that made up for hours of waiting, and here he says that he has noticed you? How come you have been so oblivious to that?

_ "How?" you have to know.

_ "Well, I found it cute when you froze in place the first time you saw me but tried your hardest to look nonchalant as you greeted me, it was obvious you were pretending and I found it endearing." your hand is still in his, and your eyes are following the invisible pattern he's drawing on your skin, because you're not confident enough to look him in the eye just yet.

_ "Tha.. that's not true." and you're pouting now, not for being upset, but rather for being embarrassed to be found out.

_ "I love that your reactions are always too honest," he chuckles heartily, "it shows how pure you are, and makes being with you very comforting."

The heat in your face is raising remarkably as you pull your hand from his so you could lace your fingers together in a rare moment of boldness.

_ "I was right about you all along," you start after a minute of silence, "you are too kind hearted Mr Aizawa."

Your time with him has been magical, the best night of your life, and the bright smile is refusing to leave your face as he drives you home.

_ "I had a wonderful time Mr Aizawa, thank you for asking me out." and your eyes are fixed on the ground as he walks you to your doorstep.

_ "Thank you for saying yes," he doesn't miss a beat as he replies, smiling softly while you both come to a halt facing each other and surrounded by the night's fresh air that's casting a pleasant atmosphere around you, "I wanted to ask you out for a while now actually, but didn't want to make things awkward in case you said no."

_ "Yo.. you really mean that? Then, what made you change your mind?"

_ "It was the moment you barged in and asked for a tattoo, you were nervous, but also quite brave, I was blown away and.." he breathes in deeply, "somehow I thought that maybe a part of the reason why you showed up that day, was because you wanted to see me."

_ "It was, it actually was.." you look into his eyes as you speak, suddenly all bashfulness and hesitation are leaving you, "I nearly gave up on all hope, but I'm glad I didn't."

His shoulders visibly relax as he gets even closer to you that your breaths are now mingling, his hand comes up to cradle your cheek and the cool feeling of it against your heated skin coaxes you into nuzzling it, "can I kiss you?" he requests cautiously, and you nod fervently.

He leans in slowly, pecking your parted lips once and pulling back to gaze into your longing eyes before connecting your lips again.

It's slow and gentle, and the feeling of his surprisingly soft lips is weakening your knees.

You are kissing him, truly, unlike the countless days and nights you spent imagining it, this is actually happening and it's so much better than all your fantasies.

His arms are on your waist, holding you securely and pulling you flush against his toned chest, as you reach yours around his neck to bring him closer and deepen the kiss.

Your lips are moving together in rhyme, and you fight the urge to whimper against him, he's stealing your breath away but you don't mind, you don't have to breathe, you don't want to pull away, you just need to feel him a bit longer.. just a little bit more..

Sadly though, a gush of air slaps your face as he parts from you, and your lips are suddenly feeling lonely without him.

_ "Sweet," he breathes out, half lidded eyes studying your flushed face, "tonight was perfect."

_ "It was." your arms slide down his neck to rest against his chest, and you can feel his thundering heartbeat under your touch.

_ "I'll see you Monday." and he finally releases you from his warm embrace.

_ "Oh, yeah.. right, Monday." it's impossible for you to hide your gloom, Monday seems far away, and that little moment you're used to share every evening as you close your shop and he opens his, doesn't seem enough anymore.

_ "Unless.." he interrupts your thoughts and your ears prick up as you listen eagerly, "I'm taking Eri to the park tomorrow afternoon, do you want to join us?"

_ "Can I really come?" you are overwhelmed with emotions, looking up at him with shine in your eyes and a wide smile on your lips.

You haven't forgotten what he said earlier, about being careful whom he allows near his daughter, and hearing his invitation to share the day with them is more than you can dream of happening.

He takes your hand in his, planting a soft kiss on your skin before speaking, "I'd love that."

_ "Then I won't miss it for the world!"

To be continued..

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bookaddict05 · 5 months

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Mystery man - pt 2

"I... cant... breath..." I say coming to a holt in the middle of the gym after running 20 laps.

Collapsing to the floor Barnes chuckles to himself. "It wasn't that hard" he says continuing to chuckle.

"Yeah thats easy enough for you to say you have the super soldier serum running through your veins" I retorted back.

"..."

Silence hums through the air between the both of us.

"Well we are done for the day, you can go and do whatever u have planned to do" he walks away from me leaving me sitting in the middle of this gigantic room all alone. Its actually quite peaceful.

~2 hours later~

As im getting out of the shower i hear something get slid under my door. I walk over to see an envelope with my name on. The letter was sealed shut with a wax stamp, so fancy. I throw on a jumper and joggers and run through the bathroon knocking on tessa's ajoining door.

"COME IN" I hear them shout. Walking in tessa is holding the same letter as i am. Shrugging our shoulders we both open the letters simultaneously, like we are sharing the same brain cell.

"Omg tony stark has invited us to a party tonight!" I exclaim in excitment.

"Thats so fricken cool" tessa shouts.

"I have nothing to wear" i pace back through to my room with tessa right on my heals. "I didnt think to pack any formal clothing, i never thought in my wildest dreams id be invited to one of these"

"Hey dont panic we have time it says it doesnt start till 8 anyways, its 4 now we can quickly pop out and find something and it doesnt matter if we are late to the party we will arrive fashionably late" says tessa.

"Omg tessa you are a star i dont know what i would have done without u, probably have a melt down then decide not to go and just read for the night instead" i say while chuckling.

"Yeah yeah im amazing i know, now lets get going"

~1 hour later~

We arrive back with our outfits for the night

I picked up a beautiful floor length red dress that flows so effortlessly while i walked. With a heart-shaped neckline my neck looked bare so i also picked up a necklace my mother had given to me before she died, a small golden love heart which completed the outfit in every way.

Tessa on the other hand picked out a black suit to match their goth lifestyle.

We took our time doing our make up and making ourselfs look stunning as ever.

9pm rolled around and we are already an hour late. A rush of anxiety coursed through me as we walked towards the door of the party. Taking deep breaths in to calm down. Music playing so loudly. We open the doors and the music perfectly timed it self with us playing the chorus of 'jealous' by nick jonas.

It was like something just out of a movie, just so dramatic. Walking through the doors I could feel eyes burning on us I turned to look at Tessa beside me to see that they had disappeared and saw them talking to 2 other agents. I continue to walk through the party taking in all the planning that must have went into this in such short time.

I walk over to the bar where I see Natasha serving Bruce. And sit down. "You look stunning y/n" Natasha says automatically.

"Thanks Nat, you look stunning as well" I stay with them for a while, Nat handing me a drink over, a vodka and coke. While chatting I felt as if there was a set of eyes on me from behind.

I turn around to see the metal man himself standing with Steve and Sam in a conversation, he's standing facing me eyes piercing straight into mine, I smile at him and he smiles back. Strange interaction with the metal man. I turn back around feeling my heart racing, why is he having this affect on me? no one has ever made me feel like this, not since the accident that ended my mothers life.

I got lost in a trance of thinking of my past but I was brought out of it after hearing a deep toned voice come and approach me, I turn to see a dark haired man. Muscles bulging through his black dress shirt, arm sleeves rolled up exposing his tanned muscular arms. He looks at me with deep chocolate brown eyes.

"Hey" the dark haired man said with a smile

I smile back and say hey back

He introduced himself as Eddie

He is perfect in everyway, too perfect.

"Your Y/N right ?" he asked

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

"I'm a new recruit and I've been placed into your group for practice missions"

"Wait? Edmundo?"

"Yeah"

"great to meet you, I've heard brilliant things from the S.H.I.E.L.D Academy, I hope you can live up to these expectations. If you can excuse me I need to head to the toilet and find my friend, I hope you have a great rest of your night" I say while smiling.

I excuse myself from the bar and head towards the toilets. I look at myself in the mirror, not looking physically flustered but I could feel it internally. I shove the feelings back down to where they belong and pull myself together.

I plastered a big smile across my face and went back out amongst the crowd. I walk across the room and grab Tessa. "WE ARE GOING TO DANCE" I shout over the music. I drag them to the dance floor and we cause chaos. Jumping and singing to the top of our lungs like no one was watching.

That's when we heard the initial sound, glass smashing and everything fell silent. The windows to the function room that overlooked the whole of New York fell into the room an object landing in the middle of the room. A bomb.

"RUN OR GET DOWN" I scream, everyone ran to cover but when the bomb exploded I wasn't far enough, the force from the explosion sent me flying into the wall. My head colliding with the wall first causing me to black out.

#bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #james bucky barnes #the avengers #marvel #marvel fanfic writer #mcu #fyp #fyppage

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dragonsarecool · 3 months

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Febwhump Day 8 - Why Won't It Stop?

A/N: The time travelling may have finished, but the nightmares certainly didn't. Set after Part III.

The first night back in his own bed was pure hell.

Considering that the night he spent at the lake with Jennifer was peaceful, he was extremely unnerved to find himself almost tumbling out of the bed, placing a hand over his mouth to stop him from awakening the house with his screams.

What the hell is wrong with me?

He couldn't stop himself checking his calendar each time he jolted awake, just in case he'd somehow done another trip to the past in his sleep. Marty desperately wished Doc was still around to provide some insight, even though he wasn't a medical doctor. But he would have more idea of what the hell is going on than I do.

What also troubled him was that every night seemed to produce some new horror.

Sometimes Tannen was successful in hanging him, and he would watch his deceased body tumble to the ground as Doc roared with anguish. Other times Doc was the one being hung, and Marty was forced to watch the life leave his eyes while struggling in the grip of Tannen's goons.

Some nights it was being trapped underneath his seventeen-year-old mother as she excitedly kissed him. She would moan his name and keep his arms pinned below him as they made out in the white Packard. Sometimes he would see his dad standing behind her, glaring at him while his mother caressed his face.

That was the only one that always made him vomit. He'd learnt to keep a rubbish bin near his bed that he could grab in case those unholy images greeted him during the night.

Occasionally the Delorean would fail to reach the target point, and instead of travelling back to 1985, he would watch himself crumpling into the wall of the cinema.

After the first six weeks he seriously began considering the notion that he would have to tell his parents. Although they hadn't asked any prying questions so far, it was clear to him that they had noticed he wasn't sleeping well. He would retire early in the evening, only to be rudely awoken by his brain at around midnight, and often didn't fall asleep again until the early hours of the morning.

His dad had once pointed out the dark circles under his eyes, and that had hit a little too close to home for Marty's liking.

It's not like I fought in a war or anything either! All I did was go back in time.

I mean, I did get shot at. And punched. And hung. And nearly erased from existence.

He eventually did enough snooping through psychology textbooks at the library to work out that he had some form of traumatic disorder, though that became the extent of his mental health knowledge as the terminology grew longer than ten letters. The obvious problem, however, was that he couldn't go seeking an official diagnosis, as he knew they would have him in the mental asylum by the end of the first appointment. Right. So getting official help is definitely not an option.

He spent about a weeks' worth of sleepless nights pondering if he even should begin to approach the subject with his parents. How the hell am I supposed to say it? Hey mom and dad, I'm the guy who made you guys fall in love 'cause Doc invented a time machine?

Ultimately, the more he thought about it, the more he decided that he couldn't tell them. He was now the sole reason that they had even laid eyes on each other; if he hadn't dragged George to meet Lorraine face to face, he would've had no reason to seek her out or take her to the dance. What if it breaks something in the space time continuum? What if they disown me? What if I fade out of existence or some shit?

Although he had no concrete scientific reasons why he couldn't tell them, he'd come to a very simple realisation: they would never believe him. Considering that there were no photos of him from when he was Calvin Klein (that he was aware of), and how much time had passed for them since they last saw 'Calvin', he was pretty convinced that they'd dismiss his story. Perhaps it's best this way anyway. They've finally got a happy marriage and I don't want to risk derailing it.

He came to the ultimate realisation that he had to tell Jennifer. After all, he was already planning how he was going to propose - she deserved to know what had happened to the man she loved. The other part of him felt that she shouldn't have to know. If he couldn't handle the memories of what he'd gone through, how did he know she could?

But on their next trip to the lake, Marty decided he couldn't bear it alone any longer; eighteen weeks of insufficient sleep had finally wore him down. She has to know.

When they were tucked up in their sleeping bags under the stars, he swallowed hard and whispered cautiously into the darkness. "Jen?"

Jennifer shifted slightly. "Marty?" When he didn't answer, she rolled over in her sleeping bag, noticing how Marty was avoiding her gaze. "Is everything alright?"

"…I think I have a problem," His voice shook as he whispered, his eyes welling with tears, "and I…I don't know what to do."

Jennifer gazed at Marty with concerned eyes. She gave him a small smile in the darkness, stretching her hand out to cup his cheek and turn his face towards her. "Oh, Marty…I was wondering when you'd finally tell me."

She leaned over to give him a gentle kiss, and Marty allowed the last of his resolve to crumble as he cried. Jennifer pushed herself out of her sleeping bag to wrap her arms around her boyfriend, stroking his hair soothingly as he cried in her embrace. "It'll get better, Marty. It will."

#bttf #fanfiction #back to the future #whump #fewhump #febwhump2024

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crimsonredfeathers · 9 months

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Leaving

~*~ Chapter 3 ~*~

Hawks x fem!Reader

Warnings: smallest bit of fluff if you squint your eyes hard enough

Word count: 1.3k

Notes: This is an ongoing series for now that will probably include fluff, angst, and smut at a later point. Reader is a few years older than Hawks.

Prologue * Chapter 1 * Chapter 2 * Chapter 3 * Chapter 4 * Chapter 5 * Chapter 6 * Chapter 7 * Chapter 8 * Chapter 9 * Chapter 10

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Knowing you all too well from working with you on a daily basis for the past six months, Hawks immediately recognized your form on the street. "Hey, y/n!" His cheerful voice took you by surprise when he flew up beside you. "Hawks," you replied, stopping in your tracks, "what are you doing here?" His boots made contact with the pavement, as he landed right in front of you. "I was just wrapping up patrol and saw you walking all by yourself," he smiled as he folded his wings behind his back. "Guess you made it out of the agency on time for once." Hawks scratched the back of his head, knowing full well that it was usually his fault, that you barely left the office on time. You chuckled at his behavior. He definitely felt bad for making you stay after office hours, because you had to help with the reports or reschedule the entire upcoming day, considering the HPSC had decided that they'd need to see him first thing in the morning on short notice once again. But, honestly, you didn't mind at all.

"I hope your patrol went well, and I don't have to turn around to go back to the office," you joked while raising an eyebrow at him, an amused look present on your face. "No, y/n, you go and enjoy your evening," he laughed. "What about you?" His golden eyes widened in surprise. "I, uhm..." Hawks moved his hand to rest on his chin, just like he was contemplating what the actual answer to that question was. It surprised you that it took him that long to figure out what to tell you and triggered a whole new train of thought in your brain.

Comparing the life of a young pro hero who has been climbing the ranks as fast as Hawks had since his debut to his sidekicks sure wasn't ideal, but at least they would talk about joining friends for dinner or spending some quality time with their families. Hawks did not - not once. Didn't he go home after work to spend time with his loved ones or maybe go out to meet up with some friends? Did he just not want to talk about it? Or maybe, just maybe, there wasn't anyone waiting for him at all.

Come to think of it, you yourself didn't have any connections to anyone in this city, except for your work relations. Sure, you kept in touch with your friends back in your hometown, sending over a card whenever one of their birthdays drew close or calling them from time to time to see how they were doing. But ever since you'd moved over here, you were kind of lonely. An idea popped into your mind, and you did the only thing that seemed right to you. "You know, if you don't have anything better to do... Maybe you'd like to come over to my place and have a coffee with me?"

~*~

Luckily, your apartment wasn't that far away, and while you could see other people staring, you didn't run into any real trouble. A few "uhs" and "ahs" accompanied you on your way from people who, of course, recognized the hero walking next to you. "Is she your girlfriend?" The both of you froze. Now that question took you by surprise. "It's a secret," Hawks winked at the girl with a cryptic look on his face. Instead of entertaining his mischievous behavior, you shook your head. "I'm his secretary," you clarified. Hawks pouted, reminding you of a kid that didn't get its way. "No fun, y/n," he whined. "Let's go, boss," you laughed heartily and continued your walk, motioning him to follow.

~*~

You unlocked and opened the door to your apartment, inviting Hawks in. "Make yourself at home," you smiled, the both of you discarding your shoes at the entrance area. Walking over to your living room, you watched him take in every detail of his surroundings while maneuvering through your apartment with utmost care so he wouldn't knock anything over with his feathers. With anyone else, you'd have felt a little weirded out, but during the past months, you'd learned that Hawks was very observant. "Take a seat," you nodded towards your sofa, "I'll be back with some coffee." Smiling, you left him in your living room.

~*~

With two cups of coffee and a hell of a lot of sugar cubes in a small bowl on a tray, you entered your living room again, only to see Hawks still standing in the room, right in front of a framed picture. "Who are they?" You placed the tray on the sofa table and walked over to stand next to him. "That's my former boss." You pointed at a middle-aged man standing on the right side of the picture. Moving the tip of your index finger over the glass that covered the photograph in the frame, you introduced Hawks to the people in the picture until you pointed at a younger version of yourself. "Well, and that would be me, just... younger. We took that photo only a few weeks after I started working at the office." A soft smile grazed your lips, as Hawks side-eyed you. "Do you miss them?" The tone of his voice was oddly low. "Sometimes I do miss the time we had together." You turned your head to look at him. A bittersweet expression was plastered on his face. Your eyes softened. "But then again, I wouldn't be working for you right now if things went any differently, and," you nudged his shoulder in an attempt to lighten up the mood, "working for you is something I really enjoy." Hawks' features relaxed visibly at your confession. "And now," you walked over to your sofa and plopped down, "let's enjoy our coffee before it's cold."

~*~

The two of you sat there for the better part of an hour, talking about whatever came to mind. You told him a little about your life, how you'd realized early on that being a hero yourself was out of the question as you'd been born quirkless, but you did admire the hard work heroes put into making sure that everybody was safe, and how your mind was set on helping the heroes so they had more time available to help others. You spoke briefly about your time at U.A., where you had joined the business course since it didn't require a quirk at all, and how you had secured the job at the hero's agency back at home after graduating. Hawks listened carefully to everything you had to say. Even if he didn't tell you, he was deeply impressed by your dedication.

Hawks revealed a few snippets of his life himself, how he never went to any high school with a hero course, but was instead privately trained by the Hero Public Safety Commission for years. He didn't elaborate in detail on how he got there or what exactly the people at HPSC had taught him, and, quite frankly, it seemed rude to you to ask, but he did tell you that they had discovered him when he had saved a few people after a car accident when he was still a child. Hawks continued by telling you about how excited he was when he could finally open his very own agency once he had turned 18, but how overwhelming the workload could be sometimes. He was thankful that you'd done your best every single day since you'd joined the team and always had their backs. And, unexpectedly, taking your hand that had been resting on your thigh into his gloved one and squeezing it gently, he added: "I knew you were the right choice right away."

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Taglist: @claratakami @chrisrue15 @mysideeffectsofyou

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A huge thanks to everyone who's reading and supporting this story! See you next chapter ❤️👋

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #hawks x reader #takami keigo x reader #mha fluff #bnha fluff #mha x reader fluff #bnha x reader fluff #hawks fluff #takami keigo fluff #hawks x reader fluff #takami keigo x reader fluff

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neurodiversebones · 10 months

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I want to hear the ed + recovery thoughts. I want to hear them so badly. I have post notifications on for you and saw your post within a minute because of how much I love your thoughts.

should i be sleeping? yes i have to leave for work in exactly 8 hours (i said when i started this . as im finishing it we are looking at 7 hrs 15 min lol) . but i Have to Talk ! also just letting you know you almost made me CRY with this ask you guys are all genuinely so sweet and kind to me i cannot believe it 💗💐☀ i love you all :-((

OKAY gonna put this under a cut so anyone who doesn't wanna see ed related content can SCROLL AWAY ! gonna avoid being triggering but . protect ur peace and all that <3 also i wanna put out there that this is mostly based on my own experiences with seven years of various eating disorders so if you are reading this and it doesn't fit your idea or perception of ed's that may be why !

ok so the three main characters i have ed-related headcanons for are brennan, angela, and cam (before anyone comments that it's only the women . there is no correlation i promise . i am projecting and these are my Projection Characters .)

i hc brennan as having arfid and orthorexia-- arfid developed for her from a combination of sensory issues with food as well as food-related anxiety from foster care (not always having enough to eat, rarely having any choice in what she ate, food-related punishments within abusive homes). being avoidant is an easy way to ignore the anxiety and stress that comes along with eating, between her sensory issues and the fact that she wasn't given an opportunity to develop much of a healthy relationship with food. orthorexia also developed as a control mechanism, but later in life (around college age). it was the first time since her parents left that she had control over her life, and that included food-- she became very obsessive about what she was putting in her body, because it gave her some of that sense of control back. her obsession with being "healthy" allowed her to feel like she was the one in charge of her body for the first time since she was fifteen.

in regards to recovery, she really didn't realize she had a problem for ages. since she wasn't medically unstable or engaging in super obvious behaviours, she didn't see herself as suffering from an eating disorder at all. it wasn't until sweets pointed out her disordered eating habits that she realized there was anything wrong with what she was doing-- she brought it up to booth, who agreed, which culminated in a fairly major argument as she didn't see anything she was doing as "bad" or disordered, just "healthy" and "in control". after a Real Conversation though, she eventually accepted that she might have some sort of problem and started looking into it more. she is definitely still in recovery, as it is a very slow process after so many years of disordered eating, but she makes an effort to engage in things that scare the disordered part of her brain. her favourite memory in regards to this was getting *real* ice cream for the first time in god knows how long when her and angela were out with the kids <33

my headcanons in regard to angela's ed are very connected to my headcanon that she has bipolar disorder-- many of us with bipolar really struggle with disordered eating and i specifically hc angela as having bulimia. it started when she was a teenager and first starting to experience bipolar episodes-- when manic or depressed, it's incredibly easy to fall into b/p cycles. when she was manic, it was like a form of thrill seeking, and she didn't have the capacity to care for the destruction it was causing, and when depressed, it felt like she was putting her awful feelings into something physical. it was hard to express her emotions through words, so she used her body instead.

i think she entered recovery for the first time in her late teens (around 17) when her mental health hit like . rock bottom and her dad decided that they needed to do something about it. she got the treatment she needed, and also took time away from school to tour with her dad-- exploring the country and having so much time to just sit with her thoughts (especially now that they were a little easier to manage with medication) is what made her start doing art really seriously-- if she couldn't express her hurt with her body anymore, she was going to do it on a page, and she created some of her most beautiful paintings during that time that she is still very proud of to this day. she still has slip ups to this day when she is struggling with her episodes, but with hodgins and brennan she is much more capable of talking through it before it gets to a dangerous point of relapse.

as for cam's ed, i feel this is the one i've talked about the most before bc she is my comfort character in this aspect? i headcanon her to have anorexia, specifically restrictive subtype. for her it's a control and perfectionism thing, as well as a "growing up masking autism" thing. cam has a very perfectionist and obsessive personality type, and it's mostly directed toward herself. everything she does needs to be perfect to be enough, and she needs to feel in control at all times. food is one of the easiest ways to do this-- if she can control her body and the food she consumes, obsess over numbers and physical changes and symptoms, it makes her feel a little more at ease in her life because she feels she has *something* under her control. as for the masking thing, she often masked with hyperfemininity growing up-- she was praised frequently for being a "good girl", and part of keeping up that image was looking the "right" way (aka, thin). if she could keep up this image, people wouldn't notice the things that made her odd or how unnatural everything felt to her. it's another control thing, but with another layer to it.

cam took a *long* time to start real recovery. she had phases where it got less severe, even some to the point where she barely thought about it, but restriction and denial was always still a part of her mentality and routine. it wasn't until arastoo came along that she felt comfortable enough to explain her pain and her thoughts to another person-- she was always too scared to unload on anyone else, so she kept it a secret essentially her entire life. arastoo was the first person she trusted to listen without judgement, and he encouraged her to talk to her other friends and loved ones about it (all of whom were incredibly understanding and supportive). in a similar sense to brennan, recovery is really difficult for her, having struggled for so incredibly long and having her disorder be a part of her daily routine for the majority of her life. however, she tries incredibly hard-- arastoo is teaching her how to cook (she never learned) and she's learning to find the joy in food through that, and allowing herself to relax around it a little more <333

that is all !!!! wow this is so very long lol . i hope you enjoyed this it was cathartic for me

#local girl with anorexia projects onto their silly little scientists to feel better .#anyway i feel like it should be more normalized to talk about ed's the same way we talk about any other mental illness . this was cathartic #temperance brennan headcanons #angela montenegro headcanons #cam saroyan headcanons #tw ed #mental health headcanons

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thisisadecisionimayregret · 10 months

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mid-year book podcast freak out 2023

Got tagged by @allcountersarehipheight, which thank you so much for tagging me, I love to be tagged in things lol, but uh

I kinda realized that I haven't read enough books to actually do this lmfao. I did start reading Ancillary Justice this past week, and I read the book How to Keep House While Drowning (definitely recommend), and I've read a decent amount of fanfic.

But (as you know) I've had some Big Life Changes this year. Who knew, looking for apartments, packing, moving across the country, and starting a new job seriously eats up time and makes reading books difficult lol.

So anyway. The only media I've actually really consumed this year are podcasts, cause the move if anything only increased the time available for listening to podcasts. And this looked fun. So I'm gonna just. freak out about podcasts for a minute

Best book podcast you’ve read heard so far this year

The White Vault. Hooooly shit y'all. This show. I'm feeling so insane about it rn, and I am really looking forward to their next season whenever it releases and listening to their patreon-only miniseries in this world. I am just in awe of their entire production, the writing, the creeping dread and terror (my roommate laughed at me for my reactions), the fucking sound design!!!! lemme say, having Done sound design work myself, shit is hard and they really made this show next level real. And god it is impossible not to fall in love with the characters and sucked into the plot. If you hear it, it hears you too....

Best sequel you’ve read heard so far this year

The PALISADE season of Friends at the Table!! Another installment in their Divine Cycle stories and it continues to be my favorite podcast on the planet. It makes me feel so much I have trouble putting any of it into words. I can only scream incoherently and reblog the gorgeous wonderful fanart for this show. Everyone needs to listen to fatt right now immediately. This is not news to anyone who follows me lmfao

New release you haven’t read heard yet

The new season of Life with LEO(h)! I loved the first season, and I am really excited to listen to the second one that's releasing now. I haven't quite gotten around to it though, it's one of the shows where having both earbuds in helps me keep track of everything, and since I'm usually listening to stuff at work where I can't have both earbuds in, it's just been. Sitting in my playlist, waiting to be played.

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

Within the Wires season 8, definitely. I've been listening to the show since the first episode released in 2016 and it has remained one of my all time favorite podcasts for that entire time. I have no idea what the next season's focus will be, it's always something different, and it always always wrecks me, and it is always rearranges my brain. October can't come soon enough.

Biggest disappointment

The Two Princes. I had listened to the first season whenever that came out, but didn't follow it when it went exclusive on spotify, cause fuck spotify, but this year they quietly gave up on making it spotify exclusive. And maybe the fact I had enjoyed but felt pretty meh about season one should've been a hint for my reaction, but hey, they autodownloaded, so I decided to listen to seasons 2 and 3. And y'know. It was fine. It just wasn't particularly good. Idk, maybe I'm not the target audience for that show.

Biggest surprise

Lost Hills: The Dark Prince. It's a surprise cause it's not something I would've sought or picked out to listen to on my own. But you know the thing some shows do, where they go "hey, we're promoting another podcast, so we're dropping their first episode in our feed, enjoy" and you just go along with it instead of skipping, and afterwards you go "hm well I haven't cared about malibu or surfing At All my whole life, but now i just Gotta know the fucked up history of this One Dickhead who had a huge influence on the surfing culture that extends into the present day." Well. Here we are.

Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

Fool & Scholar Productions! Not debut, but new to me. They're the team responsible for The White Vault (among other shows I am looking forward to listening to). Seriously, their writing and their audio production are so so so excellent and I really admire their dedication to Getting things Right, particularly in regards to how they write international characters and go to great lengths to cast people from those cultures and who speak those languages to act. And although I haven't had a chance to listen to their TWV patreon-miniseries Imperial, the whole thing about using an endangered language in it and working with speakers and scholars of that language to get things right is just. Wow. It's incredible and I am (again) so excited to listen to it and their other shows, this team really just makes the language nerd and audio nerd in me vibrate

Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character

This was so difficult but I gotta say, Vivian Exler from the Upstairs and Downstairs game of fatt Road to Palisade. Gardner/groundskeeper who gets the revolutionary zines and is constantly bickering with the mechanic. I am predictable and quickly become a fan of any Jack de Quidt character and Vivian was no exception.

Book Podcast that made you cry

Yet another win for The White Vault here. It made me cry multiple times, for sad reasons, and I mean this another glowing recommendation for this show. Love to be made to feel emotions

Book Podcast that made you happy

Ologies with Alie Ward!! Literally this podcast is just a constant source of joy and makes me so happy to be on this planet. Every single ologist Alie interviews is so genuinely excited about their subject and it is endlessly fascinating to learn more about the world around us. There's episodes that definitely can be bummers, but even the bummer episodes ultimately instill in me optimism and hope and appreciation. And also I get to leave every episode with a handful of fun facts I can bring out at parties when I'm anxious.

Alright, there we are! I'm gonna tag @housetalis (eternal thanks for introducing me to TWV) and @grand-magnificent. Feel free to do the original book freakout or do a podcast freakout or to not do it at all — no pressure either way!

#samantha talks #podcasts #podcast recommendations #i won't spam any of the tags for the shows by actually tagging them here lmao

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iviarellereads · 11 months

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Nona the Ninth, John 5:20(1)

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For detail on The Locked Tomb coverage and the index, read this one!)

(No icon) In which someone describes a miracle... of sorts.

In the dream, she said, “But that’s it? They shut you down—it was over?”

Though she doesn't remember moving, they're at the top of a hill now, looking out at a great plain. To the left it's clean, to the right is "a huge confusion of rubble and metal and foliage".

He tells her it wouldn't really begin for another year. The official story is that the investors decided to rethink the project, but John knew, somehow, that they invested in something else instead. He just couldn't find it. Then the project leaked, and the whole public knew that the world wasn't going to make it. The economy tanked, and people panicked.

A- panicked because their severance money was now nearly worthless. C- panicked because she was being recalled to England and didn't want to go, didn't want to leave N-(2) behind, didn't want to admit they were dating but everyone knew. M- panicked because what the hell were they going to do with all the bodies in the shutdown procedures.

That last got to John, too. He knew all the bodies by name, like friends, after working with them so long. They couldn't be cremated or buried safely.

I didn’t have to worry about the public or the media—we had a pet cop, P—.(3) She’d made detective by that point; was going on to big things in the MoD. Knew G— from way back, and G— and I were both hometown boys, so P— kept the heat down for us.

John takes most of the blame, in the aftermath of the leak. M- and A- could have gotten new jobs, but John would never work in the field again. He told them to leave him behind anyway, but none of them did.

It was such pandemonium. I mean, the worst was yet to come, but it was like the crisis had been announced all over again. Like you’d sprung this on us out of nowhere, like you’d never said you were sick.(4)

There's the Mars installation, but there's only room for five million people there, and they can't feed them yet. The Kuiper platform(5), the installation on Uranus in-progress… there's just not enough room for everyone, and no time to scale up. The cryogenic project would've let them get everyone to Tau Ceti,(6) and then they could work backward.

It was about giving you breathing room, you know?(7) I knew I wouldn’t live to see you get well, but I wanted to stop you hurting.

John didn't panic, though. He kept working, as much as he could, with what they had, nonstop before time really ran out. A- asked if John was taking any "Class As"(8), but he wasn't. A- told M-, who came and accused him of being on meth and coke.

I was all, Yeah … Coke Zero. She didn’t laugh. I laughed. He said, I guess I’ve always thought any pun was automatically funny.(9)

The electric guy said they couldn't keep using "three percent of the country’s electricity" for the vats. The health board guy was a jerk, and kept saying they had to dispose of the bodies on-site in ways John thinks the person he's talking to would have hated. But, he told them, those bodies were his friends. Saying stuff like that probably worried A- even more. G- kept insisting John was fine, but he'd always say John was fine, no matter if he wasn't.

Out of nowhere(10), they said it was lights out that night. John knew the bodies would degrade immediately outside their vats.

I had to let them go. I went around to everyone, talking to my favourites—I know it was weird having favourites, but let’s bloody face it, I’d gone weird—not even saying goodbye, just saying it’ll be fine, hang on for me, kia kaha, kia māia. C— made appeal after appeal after appeal. No dice.

The power was cut, one minute after six, and everyone was waiting when it went.

John goes quiet, and she asks what happened. He smiles, "a strange fleeting thing with teeth."

“Most of the bodies got the melt, like we thought they would,” he said. “Damaged beyond repair. Their brains liquefied almost immediately. But, Harrow … all the ones I touched, all the ones I loved … they stayed incorrupti(11)

So ends Day One.

=====

(1) "For the Father loveth the Son, and sheweth him all things which himself doth: and greater works than these will he shew him, that you may wonder." Sheweth would be interpreted today as "showed" or "shows". So the verse is in context of a Father (God) showing his Son (Jesus) marvels that he may also do. Quite relevant in the case of bodies not rotting because John loved them most, since he later develops necromancy. On the other hand, the A1Z26 brings us to THET, which makes no sense yet but if you got the impression that there are more of these… Well heck, you can look at the table of contents or flip through your copy, and see more, but there may be a spoiler there, and I'm pretending you don't see them but might want all available interpretations up to the point we reach. (2) Nigella, Cassie's cavalier. (3) Pyrrha, of course. Being a cop in her history? That could explain a lot if this is real. (4) Who does he think he's talking to? (5) The Kuiper Belt being a range of objects sort of out beyond Neptune (6) A star about 12 light years from our solar system, apparently very similar to our Sun, so the hope would be that there's a planet to set up on. (7) Wouldn't any person alive also be going with them? How would leaving give her breathing room? Unless… Well, you can draw your own conclusions. But why would John be talking to her? How? And why would she have Harrow's name here? (8) New Zealand, like the UK, split illicit drugs into Class A, B, and C. Class A includes but is not limited to meth and cocaine, probably the most likely things A- thought John was taking. (9) So, Gideon came by it as honestly as it goes. (10) It's not REALLY out of nowhere, John. They were trying to work with you and you took too long. (11) The first necromancy. And yes, it cuts off like that. On purpose.

#the locked tomb #tlt #nona the ninth #ntn #nona the ninth spoilers #ntn spoilers #emperor john gaius #harrowhark nonagesimus

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pbandjesse · 2 years

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I am back home in my own bed. This is very good. It is chilly tonight and I am cuddling with Sweetp and I am glad for it.

I really did have a lovely sleep over at my parents. But I did not sleep well. After I finished my post I went down to the basement and hung out with my mom for a few hours. We talked and she showed me some photos from her weddings. To her first husband. And to my dad. I chose my two favorites where they are laughing and look so happy to frame to have at my wedding. She also got me some pictures of her parents weddings and some family photos of her grandparents. It was really neat. I love going through all the pictures mom has. I hope maybe around Christmas we can go through more.

But then I could not sleep. I didn't fall asleep until almost 4 am. My brain just wouldn't turn off. And I was up watching people's tiktoks about the hurricane and the try guys scandals and buying clothes for my teddy bear and just being. Very silly. Like I just wanted to sleep but I couldn't make it happen for forever.

Eventually I was able to get some sleep. I woke up at 930 and was not exactly awake. Like my body was up but my brain was not. And it was hard to be loud enough to talk with dad. I texted Jess to check in about when we would get together and then I went to get dressed.

I got washed up and was proud to see how clean the bathroom was in the sunlight. I did a good job. And the bleach I left on the grout got a lot of white back.

So I made dad come look at it. And he was impressed and said thank you. And then I went to have a piece of angle food cake and made a caffeinated drink.

I sat in bed and watched videos while I tried to wake up. I went and sat with mom and helped figure out where to hem her dress for the wedding. I love the dress she chose. It makes her look tall. And it's very flattering. She's going to look so pretty.

A little before 11 I went to Jess's. And we got to work on figuring out what to do with the extra taran yard. I was nervous about not having enough but we actually deviated from the plan so we had plenty.

The plan had been to make 8 bow ties and a hair bow. But after we went to get eggs from her chickens and got the pattern made and the first one cut out. We realized it wasn't going to work. The wool was just to thick and we couldn't turn it and it was shedding fibers everywhere and so we had to pivot.

Basically the options were to make fake bow ties. Or scrap that and make pocket squares instead. And I decided after talking it through with Jess and with James over text, that that was the better option. In my mind that will look the best.

So we spent the next couple hours working together to cut the fabric and fold and iron and pin and sew all the pocket squares. And we still were able to make a hair bow. And I am thrilled with it all. I am so grateful for Jess for helping me and I had a really good time working through everything with her. It felt good. It made things feel real.

I was shaking a little from low blood sugar by the 7th square I was ironing. So once I finished the last one I sat on her bed and had the rest of my little piece of cake before we finished everything up and she vacuumed. Then she added little shoulder looks to my wedding dress so my bra straps done show. And she showed me how she made the loops by weaving a bunch of pieces of thread together. It's apparently how they make the cheapy belt loops on dresses. She had to do it when she worked at the dress dealership. So that was neat.

And once we were done that we went to have a late lunch. I wanted to go to Red Robin because they have bottomless fries. Which even if I didn't utilize it, it makes my food anxiety so much less when there is an option for more food.

And my burger was very nice. They still make a veggie in house!! It's not a frozen bocca burger or an impossible burger and I was thrilled. And really I just loved talking to Jess. We gossiped about family and jobs and the storms. We talked about my bad experience at the dentist and hers with the doctor. I'm really glad we spent time together this week. I am very lucky to have her as a friend.

I dropped her off at home. And I went back to my parents with every intention to grab my bag and say goodbye. But I ended up staying for two more hours because I was having such a good time taking to them. We started talking about the cons of a monarch and if NATO should exist. When I got home I told James about this and they agreed with me that they shouldn't exist and I felt very smart.

I was telling Jess this early but I really believe I am truly a jack of all trades. I can absolutely figure out how to do just about anything. Stick me in a room alone with a task and I can do it. But put me in front of an expert and I will lose all confidence. Like when me and Jess were working earlier I was so scared even just cutting fabric. But in general I can use context or just my general knowledge and make an educated guess and get it right most of the time. I can hold my own. And that's kind of what I felt in this conversation.

I kept saying I don't really know what NATO does. I don't know or understand why they have anything to do with the Ukraine and Russia. But I also wanted dad to be able to articulate what his question was. Because he just kept repeating something that sounded like a talking point but what did it mean. He kept saying they (the us I think?) needed to stock up. Stock up on what. And why. And why is it our business. And why does an organization like NATO differ from the UN and how these groups only work of all the counties agree to the rules and if someone doesn't what is the consequences? I don't think sanctions work because they only demoralize the population and make them susceptible to radicalization.

And it was just such a fun conversation. But it was getting close to 6 and I needed to get home.

But before I left I looked for my dad's missing shoe. And my mom had said she would give me $20 if I found it because it was driving her crazy. And I was able to find it!! It had gotten pushed far back under dad's bed. So I got to go home with hugs, a bag of cookies, and $20. Love you guys.

I headed out and really had a great drive back here. The sunset was beautiful and stripey because of the storm coming in. And I sang the whole drive back here. It was really a good drive.

I was tired though. I texted James when I was around the corner. And they came down to help bring stuff in.

I had to circle the block but I got a parking space and James came to carry the box of kilts. And when we got upstairs we looked through the box and I'm so excited to see them all dressed up.

I showed them the stuff I got at the thrift store. And I tried the little knitting machine I got. Which I got to work for a second but haven't quite figured out yet. That's okay. I will keep trying.

Showers and unpacking and writing down thoughts about timeline changes for the wedding. I honestly feel like a producer for a play. Stage directions and blocking. Timing and crafts services. It's a lot!!

But now we are in bed. We have the new duvet cover and it's so nice. Sweetp is here and very cuddly. James is already asleep.

And the storm is coming. My very busy weekend might be canceled but we will see. Tomorrow night I have a shift at the science center. But I hope to spend the day cleaning and maybe doing some art. But mostly I want to rest. I hope you all have a good night. Take care of yourself!! Keep safe!!!

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nolossforwords · 2 years

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a list of all the things i have done as "part of my writing process."

ran down the hall in my silk robe, just to remind myself of how it billows behind me

copiously reapplied lip gloss

cleaned out my email

rewatched this video for the 19858th time (don't ask me why, I'm just obsessed with it)

sat alone in my room, staring at my computer, an incomplete poem staring back at me

sat in the kitchen while my parents make dinner, staring at my computer, an incomplete poem staring back at me

drawn instead of writing

added items to my urban outfitters shopping bag knowing I'll never buy them and eventually closed the tab in a hurried browser cleanse

grown disgusted with myself over how many tabs I have open on my computer and initiated aforementioned hurried browser cleanse

spent wayyy too much time on thesaurus.com (I wanted to be cheeky and add a link to synonyms for "overthink" or "rabbit hole," but interestingly enough, there are none...)

listened to Christmas music at 4 am (credit to creator of playlist! I love it very much)

made a smoothie

stalked old friends on insta and hurt my own feelings comparing myself to them

revisited evermore because it is my ultimate comfort album

eaten pretzels dipped in almond butter and topped with dark chocolate chips

browsed real estate websites for properties in the Hamptons, pretending I could actually afford such a thing and wondering if 14 bedrooms is too showy but 8 seems cutting it close

sang out loud and thought I sounded really bad

sang out loud and thought I sounded really good

read

gone grocery shopping

written 80 pages of manuscript in 2 days and 2 hours

written 1 page of poetry in 9 months, 5 days, and 2 minutes

written a fraction of a poem 2 years ago and left it unfinished

written this list, because writing SOMETHING is better than writing nothing

Toni Morrison "disavows" the idea of writer's block (as I learned in this superb article). To paraphrase, she believes that thinking about your work and processing your ideas in your head while doing other things counts as writing - and I agree! I think about all the times I've felt stuck and what I did to fill that time. I still ended up writing in the end, even if it wasn't exactly in the way I imagined. Obviously, the activities I thought to be fluffy time wasters did something for me.

In short, give yourself permission to ruminate. Everything we experience influences our art. Have faith that what your brain and your heart tell you to do in the moment you want to be writing, but can't seem to get the words down, will ultimately benefit your work in the end.

I've decided to be more active and more free-spirited on Tumblr: to treat my page like the thoughtful yet conversational blog it's meant to be. This seemed like a good note to start on.

@nolossforwords,

Katie

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xandermorrisonmusic · 3 months

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Learning Tekken 8 Journal (Day 2)

With no real preference on character to start learning first, I decided to just do the top row in order. With each of them, I went through all of their moves in training mode, learned one go-to combo, got a feel for how to freestyle with them, and played their character adventure campaign thing. Here's my thoughts on who I've tried so far:

Claudio - This character feels way too plain to me. Maybe I've been spoiled as a Xiaoyu main with her various stance things, but I kinda want a character that has more going on than just "sometimes his arm glows and you can use a couple more moves" I just need a lil more sauce in my life. Coolest thing about learning him was learning you can fight Azazel in this game.

Zafina - I had high hopes for this one, since her stance system is, on paper, similar to Xiaoyu. And yeah, it's like that on crack. So many moves switch you to a different stance automatically that it gets very hard to keep track of what you can do at any given moment. Also I don't really get what her gameplan is. I like her heavy moves that do self damage, that's a cool mechanic, but overall I just constantly feel like I'm trying to keep pace with the character instead of them just... reacting to my moves. Disappointed she wasn't a good fit, but it is what it is.

Paul - I didn't really click with Paul in T3, and it's the same here. I'm also having a harder time with his quarter circle inputs than I did in T3, not sure if that's just a him thing though since I know he rewards tight timing. I do like his personality in this game, but his playstyle just is not for me.

Raven - I... almost really like this character. He's got quite a bit going on, and I feel like if I really labbed him out, he would be main-worthy. I'll keep him in mind for later.

Victor - NOW WE'RE TALKING. As soon as I saw how his kit came together, I understood him perfectly. He shits out mids at light speed and doesn't let up, and if he manages to get through your defenses you're taking a CHUNK of damage. But his lows are a bit lacking, so he really relies on getting openings from his opponent doing stupid shit and countering with a fast starter. This character felt natural to me, he's not too overwhelming to keep track of, his combos are pretty straightforward, and before long, he was performing better than my Xiao. So, for now, Victor is my main.

Now at this point, I figured I had learned enough characters and adding more to the pile would start to make my brain go numb. I finished out the single player arcade mode with Victor. And then I felt like I was ready to try out some real ranked matches.

I now have knowledge. I am not ready for ranked with Victor. I didn't have to play many people for me to figure that out. I got some good matches with some bottom ranked players, because for better or worse, we were pretty close in skill. At a certain point I'm going to have to bite the bullet and jump back into ranked, but I want to really lab out my character of choice before I do that.

My biggest problem with Victor is I would try to hit 2 out of block as a quick interrupting string, but that would keep doing his mid parry move and it would keep me locked into that animation for so long that I'd get hit by something else. I need to figure out better options out of block, I need to find better lows, I need to learn my throw breaks, I need better combo mixups because fishing for the same string spamming 2 over and over only got me so far. And by so far, I mean 1st dan.

But consider this. I made him look like Abe Lincoln. So hopefully someone I matched with got a kick out of that.

#tekken 8 journal #tekken 8 #tekken

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girltomboy · 5 months

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Last week's self help course was interesting enough but not actually super helpful. It kind of pissed me off at times because of its occasional corporate dick riding tendencies. It was a welcome break from work though (with free lunch), so that was something to appreciate it for. I finally gave M the bracelet I got for her and she loved it and thanked me and said she owes me a gift now but she doesn't 😭 I was the one who owed her a gift for her birthday plus last year's secret Santa when she got me an alien necklace even though she wasn't my Santa!

On Friday we finished early, so M and I had enough time to go to her apartment, listen to some coworkers' funny calls, make dinner and eat, go to a random concert at the Christmas fair opening, and drink mulled wine. We had Saturday plans, so we didn't stay out too long, but it was nice and fun to roam through the crowd with her and watch the concert.

On Saturday I woke up at noon so I only had enough time to eat something, take a shower, and roll 2 joints for me and M to smoke at her place 😭 the plan was to make mulled wine, but smoking together has been a long time goal of ours, and we finally had the opportunity, since her flatmate went home for like a month or two. We met up to go and buy mulled wine and Sunday breakfast supplies, mulled the wine, then her cousin came over to pick up some money she owed him. And then overstayed his welcome when he heard I was staying over AND we were gonna order food. And he also messed up our plans to order from this new fast food place we've been talking about for ages, and instead convinced us to order from the cheapest, worst place 🤮 I'm pretty sure I got some sort of skin allergy from that fake cheeseburger I had, and it wouldn't even be the first time. Like a few hours later I saw a spot near my mouth that looked like a hickey but obviously wasn't one. Idk if it's still there 🤡 but I'm never eating from that place again.

Anyway, M's cousin wasn't even getting our jokes and just spent a few hours drinking cider and eating a grilled cheese wrap, and gossiping about M's flatmate. When he finally left, M and I went out on the balcony to smoke and we couldn't stop laughing, we kept having the exact same thoughts at the exact same time, our one shared brain cell kept getting activated like a ping pong ball between our skulls. When we went back inside we had to put on the videos we'd watched with her cousin again because they were just too funny and her cousin's presence prevented us from appreciating them to the fullest extent.

So we spent like hours watching random funny videos on youtube, then we decided to watch a horror movie we'd been wanting to watch at the cinema for ages, but we could never find the right tickets for it. So we watched It Lives Inside, and it was probably the worst horror movie I've ever seen in my entire life, hands down. I will make a separate post about it, but god I don't think I've seen a GOOD like GOOD GOOD horror movie from this year so far. They've all been either just bearable or downright awful like I can't believe the current state of horror. Anyway, it was entertaining because we kept laughing at the translated captions, and it was bad enough to tire us out. Afterwards M kept asking me what else I wanted to watch, and I was already sleepy so I kept being like idk whatever you want, and we got stuck in this cycle of indecision, but we ended up going to sleep.

On Sunday we woke up at 8 then went back to sleep until 11, M scrolled through youtube looking at food and I played with her little hamster. Then we made breakfast, ate, watched some more youtube videos, and I left. I ended up smoking the second joint at home by myself, I ate some snacks I had from last week and played video games with my friends the whole evening. They pissed me off a lot, not just because of the game. At some point my bf yelled and I told him to shut up and he got more pissed off, which made me upset and I'm only gonna talk to him after he apologizes. Like I'm just not gonna accept that u yell when you're angry at a game, especially when it's your fault + you complain and hate it when other people yell. And he was like "I'm not gonna change how I react" and "expect to have other fights about this" umm I really don't think that's gonna happen lol. What do you think goes through my head when the person I'm in a relationship with says those things to me? Am I just gonna be like "okay! yay🤗" Like don't be surprised that I'm upset with you and not speaking to you if you downright refuse to work on your toddler reactions and also warn me of future conflicts? Ur gonna be fighting your own demons cause I won't be there for that

#im still not talking to him #he tried to call me this morning but im back to work and not in the mood #to delay my work just to not get an apology again #and have a strained conversation pretending that nothing happened and that im not upset #like i defend you behind your back to my family and you say this shit to me? i should tell him the opinion they have of him

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shinxeysartgallery · 1 year

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I was recently going through your oc tag because I was bored and i found the drawings you did of pinchy and violette. their designs are so cool! how did you come up with the ideas for them and are they like partners or something?

Thank you; glad you like them. :)

Pinchy I came up with back in 2020 off the idea of "there aren't that many insect characters". I picked a scorpion in particular (even thought they're not insects) because I think they're cool. Then I decided to make him a bandit because I thought that would make for a neat aesthetic and a fun role to play. And then his design I based off those two factors. The bandit thing is where the knife proficiency and outfit idea came from. The eye plate things came from his species, and then his tail was stylized based off a combination. Instead of going for the usual bead-shaped things for his tail style, I stylized it after a grappling hook because I thought that would be more interesting. :) I did do an emblem of a typical scorpion stinger on his vest though.

As for Violette, I'm not exactly sure why or where it came from, but my brain conjured her up in a dream at one point. I actually don't remember much about the dream itself or what she did in it anymore and the only reason I remember that much was because I wrote it down when I made her design. lol But I thought she was cool enough that I had to make her real, so I did. Her design most likely isn't 1:1 with the dream version, but I'm still happy with her. From what I wrote down, the species, fact she has a mechanical arm, and her bounty hunter job were all conjured up by the dream. Everything else from outfit, palette, hairstyle, etc I based around that stuff.

As for their relationship, they're basically rivals and aren't really all that fond of each other. Violette doesn't like Pinchy because of him stealing, his attitude regarding it, and how she feels like he made her look like an idiot when they first met. Pinchy doesn't like Violette because she literally tried to kill him the first time they met. LMAO At this point, they sometimes run into each other on missions, where they then proceed to fight over the "prize/target", and that contributes to them hating each other, too, because now they're just annoyed that the other keeps showing up and getting in their way. Although I did do a thing in a friend's Discord server where they were forced to work together in order to secure a stolen painting that would then be traded for a reward. I honestly really liked writing their dynamic in that thing, so debating maybe doing more stuff where they work together more? Not sure yet.

Violette didn't exist until two years after I made Pinchy, so them being rivals wasn't a thing until very recently. They were both originally separate, until I thought about how they'd make neat foils to each other based on having a very similar experience with childhood trauma. One took what happened and turned it into "can't trust anyone; I'm all that matters" and the other took it and turned it into a chance to try to help people. (I think it's obvious which one is which. lol)

Also I just realized when I went to look up how long ago I made the both of them that they almost share a birthday. Pinchy was made on August 9th of 2020 and Violette was made on August 17th of 2022. Didn't even realize/register that until now, so that's pretty neat. And yep, those are gonna be their canon birthdays (8/9 and 8/17). lol

#anon ask #shinxey's asks #shinxey's ocs #pinchy the scorpion #violette the lioness #so happy someone got me to talk about them #my brain is currently fixated on the both of them #I love them :)

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yesitsmewhataboutit · 2 years

Text

Poker Face

Mob!Tom Holland x Reader

You get a knock on your door, detectives wanting to use your apartment for a stakeout. Of course you say yes, little do they know you have a secret of your own. Little do they know you know more about their investigation then what they tell you that night

»»——⍟——««A/n: And so the next phase begins

Masterlist

Prologue // Chapter 1

Chapter: 8

Tom has strict rules when it comes to his mob. All his men know that if he says something if he instructs something, it goes. No questions asked. They know that if there is ever a time to defy what Tom says, one of two things will happen. Either it was for a good reason, or it wasn't, and they should expect a bullet in their head almost immediately.

Instructions Tom gives are always important. Ones that revolve around you are even more important since he has a more emotional attachment to them. So, that been said, when Tom wakes up from the sound of someone entering his room, and that someone not being Harry, needless to say, he's a little pissed.

His brain is slowed and fatigued, and he's drowsy, but he knows Harry gave them orders that Tom said no one is to be around his room, not wanting anyone to see you and wanting to keep you safe.

The words roll off his tongue before he thinks of forming them in his brain. His eyes aren't fully open either, but he brings his hand to your head, wanting you to keep your face turned from the door, not wanting him to see your face. "I'm in this bed, so your lifespan will be lengthened by the tiniest bit, but if you don't get out of here within the next 2 seconds, I will get out of this bed and kill you with my bare hands."

Tom is weak right now, so you could move against him and turn your head to the door, but instead, you listen to the conversation as it plays out.

"B-Boss, I swear, it's important."

"Important enough that you couldn't report it to Harry who, need I remind you, is in charge right now, hence me not making the calls in the first place," Tom says, his voice firm, trying to find his usual threatening tone under the tiredness and pain Tom is experiencing.

"Harry is gone. He got taken today. There's no one else in command." Your eyes go wide, and you tilt your head up to look at Tom. He has a tired expression, almost like he can't comprehend what the guy just informed him. "He hasn't come back since he went to your apartment. It wasn't the police, though. He took care of them. We think it was the Mackie Mob."

It's quiet for a moment before Tom speaks. "I'll give you all instructions by the end of the day. Now get out before I decide to cut off your fingers and feed them to you."

The man shuffles out of the room, quickly closing the door. You sit up, your eyes wide and worried. "Tom-"

"I know," he sighs.

"B-But, Tom-"

"I know. I know, just- just let me think, please. Just give me a moment," Tom says, closing his eyes, taking deep breaths, and trying to think. "How healed is Harrison?" he asks.

"W-what? He- he's alright, I guess? He's slowly healing, but healing," you answer, your voice shaking, scared at when the future could hold for Harry.

"Can you go get him, please? Bring him here," he asks.

"I-"

"Love, trust. Please." You sigh, nodding and getting up, walking as quickly as you're able to the infirmary. You rush inside, quick to tell Harrison that it's an emergency. He wraps his arm around your shoulders, trying to hold as much of his own weight as possible, not wanting to weigh down on you.

You make it to Tom's bedroom and help him to the couch, letting him sit down. "What happened?" he asks.

"As you know, Y/n and Harry went back to her apartment to tie some loose ends. But, it didn't go as planned, and it turns out they were onto Y/n and us. Fortunately, they made it out ok, while there were some," Tom glances at you, "other issues, I told Harry to go back and finish the job more efficiently, and while he did, he hasn't come back. We think the Mackie Mob was behind it, and they have him. There is currently no one else in command, and we need to come up with a plan."

Harrison is speechless. He looks at Tom as he speaks but doesn't know how to answer. "So, do you have any ideas?" Harrison asks.

Tom shakes his head. "I don't know. Maybe call my mom? Y/n said she was around while Harry was at the warehouse. She should be somewhere close by, so she could give us ideas and be in face-to-face command," Tom says, his voice sluggish and tired.

"I don't know, mate. Everyone loves your mom, but even when your dad was the Boss, they never really were in favor of listening to her. Plus, she needs to be around for Paddy. He's still underground for a while more," Harrison says.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right, um, we need a plan. First and foremost," Tom sighs.

Coming up with a plan takes longer than any of you would've liked. And it's not one you or Tom are overly fond of, but it's what has to happen. The plan is: Tom had former in-tell he was keeping about Mackie's whereabouts. He got it a while ago, but he never used it cause there was no reason. It was more so for if Tom needed it. So, he'd use it, send enough men to all the places Mackie could be, and while doing that, try to find Harry or get a confession for where he could be. But the part Tom hated the second the words left his mouth is that you'll be in command.

Tom is in no condition to be in the front lines right now, and Harrison isn't either. Both are still in the depths of healing. Sam is still in the induced coma, and Nikki needs to be around for Paddy, so you're the only one that can do it.

"You sure about this, Tommy?" you ask, sitting next to him and holding his hand.

"No. But, it was bound to happen; eventually, I guess," Tom mumbles, obviously upset.

"Tom..."

"It's alright, Love. We need to get Harry back. It'll be alright," Tom says, looking at you, his eyes heavy and glazed over.

"Tom, are you alright?" you ask, taking a closer look at his face, noticing he doesn't look "alright."

"M'tired, Love. M'just very tired."

Chapter 9 >>

Masterlist

Ahem: @notyourcupofteax @dreamsarecloserwithyou @tomsirishgirlx @novaresque @b0kutoswaifu @iamasimpingh0e @sesamepancakes

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #mob!tom imagine #mob!tom #mob!tom holland x reader #mob!tom holland #tom holland x fem!reader #mob!tom x fem reader #tom holland series

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lordymaru · 3 years

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I'm about to refute this entire essay with the simple explanation being:

The only interaction we've seen of these two is when she's a freaking 8 year old. Your self insert shows no boundaries.

And this is probably the last time I'll make a post about the stupidity behind the way the pair is viewed:

Note: I know there's people out there with a brain who ship these two in a more conventional way. In the end you do you, ship whatever you want, no one can prevent you from doing that, just don't be gross about it.

One of the parts being the Significance of their first encounter:

She’s a poor peasant girl who’s suffered immense trauma, suffering, and loneliness. Her initiative to help Sesshomaru came from her generosity

Exactly, she's alone for her family had been killed before her eyes, the villagers treat her like garbage. When she meets Sess he's wounded and simply in a bad state, both mentally and physically. Both of them are, the difference being he's a demon, a powerful one and for him to have ended in such a bad shape only stabbed at his pride- Rin on the other hand is a child, a human tiny child who is vulnerable and to him she poses no threat. Both of them are weak then.

At this point, it’s observable that despite knowing her story, her scars, and her difficulties, humans do not even empathize, let alone sympathize with Rin. It is the feudal era, after all. She’s a young, disabled orphan and the villagers only see her for what she lacks: a voice, a family, and a place of belonging.

Again with your feudal era shit. I can assure you the world is just as ugly today as it was before you and I existed. Next.

When he asks about her bruises, this is the first time anyone had ever afforded her a second glance.

This was a huge step forward for Sess, a huuuuuuge one for he showed interest in another living creature, not just any creature but a human. And for her it was probably like Christmas, for no one had showed her any mercy or interest. Ok you get a point. But oh, boy, how I'm about to spit on the next one:

The audience can see Sesshomaru calculate her body language, recognizing that she is mute. Instead of pressing her further or ignoring her outright, he attempts to comfort her (in his own way), making her feel that it is okay if she chooses not to answer him; that her desire to reply to him should only be a desire, not an obligation. I think, on one hand, that was the first moment of something that would resemble compassion that Sesshomaru had ever administered, trying to put himself in her shoes — if someone had asked him to do something that required, for example, his left arm, he probably would have appreciated them saying “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to” so to provide him agency for something that he actually cannot do. And the same goes for Rin. He recognizes her disability, maybe even resonates with it and decides to empower her with a choice. Choice is important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic and it’s a word that will come up often.

Ok why are you comparing the loss of his arm to her not being able to talk? Not all disabilities are the same, you moron. Or am I dumb for thinking this way? If so, feel free to call me out on my lack of common sense kr whatever you wanna call it. Sess physically couldn't do shit with his left arm because well- it was gone! That's a physical disability. Rin had "lost" her voice after what she witnessed and so she wouldn't speak anymore. Have you heard of Psychogenic Dysphonia? If not, you can click here and give it a reading or do your own research. The more you know: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0892199703000158

So you say he "empowers her with a choice" that is "important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic" let me get this straight, a choice because why? She's a child? A female? Because you said so yourself, it's the Feudal Era after all and therefore women had no choice in life, no voice, no agency, no nothing. So he was being magnanimous then? You know... This is where you start edging into the gr00ming territory. Can't you see? No? Alright, moving on.

BRUH WHAT THE FUCK?! Are you fucking good? See how you self insert? Bye. Next

The next time Sesshomaru sees Rin, it is suggested that he actively sought her, whether it be by curiosity or concern for well-being

He did... It is not suggested, he actually did asdfhkl. For both curiosity and he probably was worried. He also states he wants to test out his sword, what a perfect chance to do so for Rin is pretty much dead and that's the only way to make his sword work. So she was both being a guinea pig and an itch he wasn't quite sure how to scratch. Next.

Silence Rin.

Rin screams endlessly, annoying Sesshomaru. Firstly, this is the first time we hear him call her by her name. Secondly, Sesshomaru is visibly annoyed by her noises, however, he does not tell her to “shut up” as he normally would with Jaken or even InuYasha. He simply says “enough of that Rin, stop it.” (In Japanese he says, “Silence, Rin. You make too much noise.”) Even analyzing the Japanese dialogue, it is evidently softer than Sesshomaru’s usual ‘kisama’ (貴樣) manner of speech that we see depicted usually. This is the first time he’s had a companion who is not a demon, someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return. His softer tone is a logical deduction to make.

Ok... "someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return." Bruh... As if he would even consider meeting someone's expectations. Are you sure you're talking about Sess? Another thing is, he always speaks in a calm tone, he rarely yells or loses his composure- he had no reason to be rude to her either, you're excusing his regular behavior simply because she ain't Jaken. Anything else?

Rin doesn't change Sesshomaru overnight, it's a gradual and long process

Well duh!!! Just like you don't lose the pounds you gained from eating in one sit 12 donuts a week ago. Stating the obvious and for what? What's exactly your mf point?

The silence part is important, idk how to tell you there is a power imbalance in their relationship from the moment he tells her to be quiet. He didn't say please, he didn't ask her to, he told her to be quiet. Like a parent would, if I could count the times my mom told me to shush.... That's your first indicator he is not her friend, he is not her equal.

Letting you Be Yourself: The Panther Demon Arc

the first frame the audience sees in the anime sets the scene, painting the Sessshomaru entourage in a serene manner, indicating a level of comfort between group members (episode 75). This is vastly different from our last depiction of Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship. In episode 44, he was unable to withstand her (albeit annoying) childish antics. But here, it’s observable that Sesshomaru can accept her and her package of unconventional fun. Not only does he tolerate and even more so, accept Rin, but he accepts her influence on his vassal, Jaken and allows them to be free around him.

Is called developing patience. I can assure you that when you're a parent or an older bro/sis and your kid/younger sibling is noisy af you either learn to tolerate that or get used to it for kids are kids abd you have to let them be kids. Next.

She's a child, she's not stupid.

The Abducted Rin: Calling her Name

The respect that Sesshomaru shows Rin is insurmountable. However, the InuYasha franchise is clever to portray the subtlety of Sesshomaru’s respect for her. KV on Twitter points out how highly he regards his companion and never relegates her to anything less than the value that she as a person embodies (@KVndie via Twitter). He consistently humanizes her.

He only sees how important she is to him after her ass dies a second time. What do you mean? He respects her enough to not coddle her, she is independent and taught her to be self sufficient from the very start. That's respect. He consistently humanizes her because... She ... Is ... Human! OMG WHAT A SHOCKER!

As Naraku remarks on his hostage to Sesshomaru, "Naturally, the girl you're looking for is not here…,” he continues, “the girl is in custody outside of the castle..." Naraku never makes an attempt to give her personhood, leaving her unnamed, disposable, and relegating her to a mere "girl." But Sesshomaru doesn’t take any of this. He is a cold-hearted Daiyokai, yet he still makes an effort and upholds his principle to refer to her as Rin — not a replaceable “girl.”

Naraku is a mf genius. It didn't quite click until now he wanted to see if she was important or not to him and to what extent. For he planned his moves that way, making people turn against one another. While he wouldn't have made Rin turn against Sess he set everything up so he would end up wanting to kill Kohaku and in doing so, Inugang would have engaged against Sess.

Sesshomaru’s insistence on using Rin’s name isn’t only highlighted in this isolated incident though. It pays off. It is an ongoing theme in their dynamic throughout the series.

That's her name ... How you want him to call her? Baby?

I could go on and on but... This is a fucking essay. And then I stumble against more bullcrap:

The second point I want to highlight here is Sesshomaru’s reaction to Rin’s fall and her risky expedition. At this point, it’s unquestionable that Rin has a special place in his heart.

Of course she has a special spot in his heart. I won't deny that. What worries me is how you're trying to justify the way she's important to him since she was a child. As if his way of seeing her had changed.

I'm gonna disagree by agreeing with you in a few pointers. Kagome and Kikyo were rivals, they both romantically love the same guy. Kagome being the only one who could save Kikyo chooses to help her, knowing damn well Inuyasha would have suffered if Kikyo had died- further more, if it was in Kagome's hands to do something about it.

Rin on the other hand, I will applaud to her how she grew past her fear of Kagura after being kidnapped by her, she saw her body in the river and said fuck it and did her best to try to pull her from the water. I loved how stubborn and brave she was, even tho Sess had to pull everyone out of the water- she deserves a gold star. You go baby girl!!!

Rin later makes a cheeky comment, noting Kagura’s romantic interest in Sesshomaru. Jaken brushes this off as childish naivety. But for the spectator, this establishes two things: (1) That Rin does not see Kagura as a rival for Lord Sesshomaru’s attention, let alone affection; and (2) that Rin is still a child. Rin is certainly a child, with a youthful and fresh outlook on life that brings out the best in people. But even as a child, her relationship with Sesshomaru is incredibly healthy, clear, and surprisingly communicative.

Why would she? She's not a spoiled brat

Nah? I thought her double D indicated otherwise. OF COURSE SHE'S A MF CHILD.

Why do you keep mentioning is healthy? Do you need reassurance of it? Communicative in what way? Cuz if you wanna talk about communication let's talk about how he didn't even acknowledge her ass when she gave birth. He didn't even say her name, didn't even look at her. Tell me now how they are communicative and healthy?

I could go on, I really but all I'm getting from this load of bullshit I'm forcing myself to read is how you do in fact need to reassure yourself thr ship is god tier and is... How you said it was? Ah, healthy.

Anyways, thanks for reading and if you see any typo ... My apologies, I tried. Also if you have any input or I was out of line in some way, my apologies once more.

#anti sessrin #antisessrin #anti-sessrin

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faeriejukyung · 3 years

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True Beauty’s Gaping Mother Wound

*disclaimer*: I understand that all the listed traits are things which are often very common in Asian households, and it may seem that rather than being concerning, these are just a part of Asian culture. That is why, I feel that it’s necessary for me to make it clear that I am, in fact, Asian (Indian to be specific), and parental abuse is something that is extremely normalized here. As someone who has experienced it firsthand, I want to say that just because something is common/normal, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is correct. If you or anyone you know is in a situation like that, it’s very very important to speak out. And it’s not your fault, i know it’s easier to believe that way but it’s really not. We deserve to be in a loving environment, regardless of what culture we are born in.

Throughout the drama, Jukyung’s mother shows many traits of an abusive mother. I have been able to outline 4 of them. I don’t mean to write her off as an evil character,, because overall she is well intentioned, and just like any other mom, she does love Jukyung. This is shown in episode 8 too, where she shows remorse for her actions. That however, doesn’t justify her abusive behavioral patterns in any way. Because we can see how badly it affects Jukyung, her self esteem and her overall view of herself.

Act 1: “I’m going to kill you today and go to jail” -- Physical Violence.

Throughout the series, we see Jukyung's mother being very violent. But one scene which particularly stood out to me was the scene where she finds out about Jukyung's dad getting scammed. (in episode 1). While it is true that her dad caused a huge financial loss to the family, and anyone would feel angry in a situation like that, it is also true that there is never a good reason to physically abuse someone.

After hearing the news, Jukyung's mom is overcome by anger. It's completely okay to feel frustrated, but the way she violently jumped at her husband, clearly intentioned to hurt him, and the way she needed to be held back by juyoung and heekyung highlights her abusive nature. And this isn't a one time thing where she momentarily lost control of herself. She constantly shows similar behavioural traits throughout the drama.

In the scene where we see Jukyung's mom and dad together properly for the first time, their relationship dynamic is established. He's meekly massaging her shoulders while she orders him around. Their is an obvious power imbalance in the relationship, and the way Jukyung's dad cowers in fear around Jukyung's mom is a proof of that.

Act 2: "Why would you kill my precious son?" -- Conditional Love.

We see examples of Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love in the kdrama AND in the webtoon. Conditional love is when a parent or a parental figure makes their child compete for love. They withhold their affection until the kid acts in ways that are desirable to them, and if the kid fails to do so, the parent often punishers them through different methods. This is their way of maintaining control over their children.

Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love manifests itself in the form of favoritism towards her eldest daughter Heekyung, who’s not only conventionally beautiful but also very smart and has a high paying job, and towards her youngest child and only son, Juyoung, who is also written to be very attractive. Both Juyoung and Heekyung have gifts that Jukyung does not posses -- beauty and brains. The conditions that are established in order to attain their mother’s affection are getting good grades at school, and being conventionally attractive, which is why Jukyung often gets the shorter end of the stick

In the scene where we are first meet Heekyung is the drama, their mom’s affection towards her is very evident.

This is shown in the webtoon too.

She displays this favoritism towards Juyoung too, and even more so. In episode 1 where Jukyung tries makeup for the first time, and gets ridiculed by him for doing a bad job at it, she naturally feels angry and yells at him, “do you want to die?!”, but instead of telling Juyoung to stop, their mother yells at Jukyung for yelling at Juyoung (”why would you kill my precious son? why?”). It’s already very evident that Juyoung has picked up the habit of constantly taunting Jukyung for her face from his mom. In the webtoon, when Jukyung decides that she wants to pursue makeup arts and asks for her mom’s support and fees for academy, her mom flat-out refuses, saying that they don’t have enough money. However as we find out later, money wasn’t the problem, because she had enough money to send Juyoung to a cram school for acting.

I find it hard to believe that any good parent would constantly compare their children and pit them against each other like this. In the webtoon and the kdrama, it is made clear that Juyoung doesn’t have particularly good grades either, but he doesn’t have to face his mother’s wrath by the virtue of being good looking. Jukyung on the other hand, does not have any redeeming qualities.

Act 3: “I’m going to throw all your makeup away” --Excessive Anger.

Another sign of parental abuse is display of excessive anger. It’s usually used as an intimidation tactic to keep the child in line. Sometimes, it can simply happen because they lose control of themselves. Either way, parents who get angry more often than what is supposed to be normal, and hurt their children (physically or verbally) in the midst of their anger, repeatedly, are abusive. I feel like I don’t even need to elaborate on this one. Jukyung’s Mom is angry during half of her scenes. And the way she acts upon that anger crosses the limit too. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to express your the way you feel, but the way Jukyung’s Mom does it, is extremely unhealthy and hurtful to others around her. Whether she’s jumping on Jukyung’s dad or talking down on Im Jukyung, she’s very inconsiderate of how her anger affects others. She almost always expresses herself in an extremely volatile way.

Jukyung described makeup as a hopeful light opening up a new life for her. There’s even a whole music segment of her discovering the powers of makeup, characterized by pastel and bubblegum tones, and the segment has a magical feel to it. Suffice to say that makeup brought an almost magical kind of hope and optimism to her life. In episode 6, Jukyung's Mom goes to her school to get her report card. When she sees her low grades, she gets so angry that she threatens to throw away her makeup, without once considering why Jukyung is so attached to it. In my eyes, she's actually very similar to Soojin's dad who also uses intimidation and physical violence to keep his daughter in line. If we put the same background music for the scenes where we see Jukyung's Mom threatening her, as the ones where Soojin's dad abuses her, they'd practically be identical. The only difference is that the show often plays Jukyung's Mom's behavior as a joke.

In episode 7, after seeing that Jukyung didn't improve as much as she wanted her to, she actually threw away all her makeup. Even though Jukyung did try, and did improve, it still wasn't enough for her mom. Jukyung's restlessness after not seeing her makeup on her table was palpable through the screen. Finding out that her mother threw all her makeup away sort became her breaking point. We see her yell at her mother and express her feelings for the first time.

I think it's important to note that Jukyung, who's already finds it very tough to reach out to her courageous side, was inspired by this incident to stand up to her mom, to express her outrage. Saying that makeup meant a lot to her is an understatement.

Act 4: "What's the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on if you're ugly underneath?" -- Verbal Abuse.

We all get into arguments with our parents from time to time, and I’m sure we’ve all been yelled at by them at some point. Verbal abuse however, is not something that is normal, and the two shouldn’t be confused. A parent who constantly humiliates their child, yells and screams at them, talks down on them is in simple terms, an abuser.

In episode 1, when Jukyung tries makeup on for the first time and goes to school, she gets ridiculed by her bullies and her classmates. Crestfallen, she returns back home after school and goes to her mother for reassurance. Instead of providing that, her mother ridicules her even more and calls her makeup “Ghost Makeup”. This is something abusers often do. Under the guise of teasing the victim, they often attack the victim’s self esteem, appearance etc, to make them feel insecure and to maintain their position of power over them. Jukyung’s mother isn’t very different from those bullies who told Jukyung that she was ugly and made her feel like she could never amount to anything.

Another example that irks me a lot is from episode 3, when Jukyung’s Mom is chewing her out for being late, and suddenly the conversation turns to cosmetics and makeup. This is also one of the traits of verbal abuse. Instead of arguments surrounding the basic issue, they branch out and turn into character assassination. Her mom accuses Jukyung of wasting all her time on makeup instead of studying, even when Jukyung clarifies that she got late because she missed her bus, not because she was out buying cosmetics. But her mom doesn't listen and says to her, “What’s the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on when you’re still ugly underneath?”

Jukyung’s face after hearing her own mother say that was heartbreaking. Unfortunately, this type of mother-daughter relationship dynamic isn’t something that is rare. Mothers frequently project their own insecurities on their daughters and put them down. Jukyung’s Mother’s behavior explains her self esteem issues, it gives an insight about where her insecurities really stem from. Sometimes our abuser’s thoughts and image of us start maligning our own self image. Frequently hearing them tell us that we are worthless, and that no one will ever marry us or love us, makes us believe that we are in fact, worthless and incapable of being loved unless we change something about ourselves. We frequently get an insight into how Jukyung thinks of herself throughout the drama.

“It’s not my fault that I was born dumb” (In episode 7, after finding out that her mother threw away her makeup.)

“You know that I’m messed up” (In episode 2, referring to her face, while asking Lee Suho to keep her bare face a secret)

The drama is yet to end so I don’t want to completely write Jukyung’s Mother off as an abuser. I hope she becomes a better mom in the show, I really do. Because Jukyung deserves a loving mother. And Jukyung's mom does in fact have a few redeeming qualities, however, simply love and caring isn’t enough, you need mutual respect, reassurance and effort in each every relationship. We know that Jukyung’s mother is also often labelled as an ugly woman, and she believes that she could only get by through studying well. (“It’s going to be okay as long as you study well” - episode 1). In a world where a woman either has to a exceptionally beautiful to be considered worthy, or be exceptionally intelligent and professional lest she isn’t blessed by beauty, it’s very easy to internalize self hatred and direct it on to other individuals (especially if those individuals are your children). That is why i genuinely find myself rooting for Jukyung’s mother and hoping for a character development arc -- because i understand where she comes from, and because i can empathize with her.

Fin.

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